The Gargle - Bad beer | DNA hackers | Army puking

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

Alison Spittle and Kai Samra join host Alice Fraser for episode 133 of The Gargle - the glossy magazine to The Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world.All of the news, none of the politics! Cl...imate crisis beer DNA hackers Army puking Therapy reactions ReviewsStory 1: https://edition.cnn.com/2023/10/10/business/hops-beer-europe-threatened-climateStory 2: https://www.theverge.com/2023/10/7/23907330/23andme-leak-hackers-selling-user-dna-dataStory 3: https://gizmodo.com/darpa-concern-mixed-reality-headset-cognitive-attacks-1850925546Story 4: https://www.theverge.com/2023/10/13/23916475/apple-video-reactions-telehealth-therapy-awkward-simplepracticeHOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateCONTENTS0:00 Start02:04 Front cover05:51 Satirical cartoon06:05 Story 1: The climate crisis is coming for your hoppy beer08:41 Ads10:39 Story 2: Hackers are selling the data of millions lifted from 23andMe's genetic database15:02 Reviews18:46 Story 3: DARPA's a bit concerned about tactical puking attacks23:45 Story 4: Apple's new video reactions are making therapy incredibly weird27:35 Bye / Anything to plug? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. for your gun. The last thing you want is for a sext to ruin a gunfight. The five mobster types in dark glasses are trying to be quiet, but they've spent too much money on steroids and not enough money on their dark suits, so their thighs rustle loudly as they try to sneak. You smile grimly and check the fourteen knives you have stowed in various points around your own stealthy cashmere
Starting point is 00:01:58 blend catsuit. There's not enough discussion of classism in the assassin-slash- super-spy game, but there should be. You know one promising graduate from a rough neighbourhood who blew a whole mission and his cover as a duke because he didn't know how to handle a fish night during a banquet-slash-kidnapping. Suddenly a car door slams on the floor above. What's happening? There's no one meant to be in this parking garage at this hour.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Even the Fast and Furious gang promise not to blow up any nearby skyscrapers. The incredibly distinctive sound of a custom engine splits the night. The mobsters flinch. You put your forehead gently against the side of the Kia you chose for cover. The last thing you needed. It's the gargle. Welcome to The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world. I am your host, Alice Fraser, bringing you all of the news and, oh, thank f*** this week, none of the politics. Your guest hosts for this week's edition of the news and oh thank this week none of the politics your guest hosts for this week's edition of the magazine are kai samra and allison spittle welcome hello my only beacon of hope this week oh man it was brutal writing for the news quiz this week k Kai, how are you going? I'm good, like self. I'm just trying not to look at the news,
Starting point is 00:03:07 trying to protect my own mental health. So this is nice. I just need this. This is what I need. Yeah, this is a guaranteed news sans politics zone. But before we take hands and leap into this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover this week. this week's top stories.
Starting point is 00:03:24 Let's have a look at the front cover this week. The front cover of the magazine this week is Pamela Anderson wearing no makeup at a fashion week, just wearing clothes, causing great controversy among the face-having community who'd never been able to reconcile themselves with the fact that they have a face.
Starting point is 00:03:44 There's some people who are saying, this is revolutionary feminism. Some people are saying, it's not fair of her to not wear makeup because she can get away with not wearing makeup. She's Pamela f***ing Anderson. Any feelings on this, Kai? I'm all for her.
Starting point is 00:03:58 I actually love Pamela Anderson. I watched this documentary. It was kind of before my time, but then, yeah, she's an incredible person. I watched the Ruby Wax interview with her, and she was talking about Carl Jung and, like, reciting Hamlet, and I was like, I love her now. So, yeah, I'm all for Pamela Anderson.
Starting point is 00:04:15 I'm her number one fan right now. Alison? I love Pamela Anderson and the whole no-makeup thing. I remember I did an interview with someone, and I read the interview and it said that Alison Spittel comes in makeupless and I was like yeah, that's just my face. I do wear makeup
Starting point is 00:04:33 and I don't wear makeup and I don't like thinking about the choices I make for either type. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it just feels weird. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, it's just the... Says says kai samurai king of contouring rude to be fair i do you know when you go like do tv stuff and they do the makeup that's like the first time i've had that applied i love it i love people touching my face that sounds bad but i love it it does feel like a little massage by little fairies that are made of brushes
Starting point is 00:05:05 that let you're like snow white and getting ready and it's been the contouring thing though I'm kind of glad that's going because he would just draw
Starting point is 00:05:13 it was like you you would draw like a Halloween mask on your own face to try and look like a Kardashian and it just yeah
Starting point is 00:05:22 that was a weird time do you remember the eyebrows thing where eyebrows were a thing oh my gosh they mentioned like i've lived through decades where we weren't allowed eyebrows then it's like very thin eyebrows and now it's as bushy as possible and now we have to not we but like the fashion is they're called soap brows which is where you brush your brows when i brush my brows i look like my old head teacher uh you know what i mean it's not it does not look good at all yeah it sort of looks like your eyebrows are surprised surprisingly pointing
Starting point is 00:05:59 upwards like somebody's uh put you in front of a wind tunnel or farted very aggressively in your face oh my god so someone fired at well not at me this week this week i got i got a lift in a taxi and the guy evidently farted like and it was it was enveloped the whole room and i was trying to be polite but um it was there was such a nice bit of kindness from him because he he farted and then he smelled it himself and then he blew the wind he took the window down so i didn't have to do it out of you know i didn't have to make him feel weird about it he farted he assessed the situation and he got in a breeze and it was beautiful i felt i felt looked after not to name names but there's a lady in one of my whatsapp mothers groups
Starting point is 00:06:47 who I don't know if you know this pregnancy can induce some pretty foul smelling gases and she is also at the moment having some morning sickness so she farted so badly that she threw up wow
Starting point is 00:07:01 that's like the ultimate that's like like at the through about the smell or just the vibration i don't know i don't know maybe it's just a descriptive vibration and the satirical cartoon this week is that thing uh where you're having an argument and someone says they'll change their mind if you give them proof and you give them proof and they say that proof can't be trusted. That's the satirical cartoon for this week. In climate crisis news now, this is the news that the climate crisis is going to make beer taste worse.
Starting point is 00:07:38 That's the news. That's the breaking news for me as somebody who's never drunk beer. It already smells like off-bread. I do not understand how it could possibly taste worse. But I'm going to throw to Kai Samra. Can you explain what's going to happen in this story? So this is the story about how hops in major beer produced in European countries like Germany, Czech Republic and Slovenia are ripening early, yet producing less since 1994. are ripening early yet producing less since 1994,
Starting point is 00:08:09 which will be particularly alarming for IPA and craft beer lovers of the world as they'll be starting to lose their critical bit component. Now, I'm going to be honest, like a lot of people, the climate crisis is depressing me a lot. It's difficult to find hope. It's difficult to find a silver lining. However, if global warming causes the shutdown of every brew dog in the country, I will be absolutely fine with that do you know what i mean i'm like i'm sure there'll be like there'll be less polar
Starting point is 00:08:28 bears but also much less tattooed privately educated mumford and son looking pricks in my high school which can only be a good thing and did you say you don't drink beer um i don't drink at all i'm sorry okay okay because i'm not a massive beer connoisseur I don't know about you Alison like genuinely my favourite beer in the world like this is genuinely true
Starting point is 00:08:50 I'm not trying to be like edgy but my favourite favourite favourite beer in the world is like a really warm flat can of Fosters
Starting point is 00:08:57 genuinely that is my favourite because like people would drink beer and be like ooh it evokes citrus fruity hops and like
Starting point is 00:09:04 I don't want I feel like I want to drink a beer, I want it to be like, ooh, this evokes being a teenager, getting hammered in a park, listening to early Arctic Monkeys. That's what I get when I drink Fosters. It's basically like my child, it's basically like my rosebud. It's basically a warm, flat, so an edgy beer can kiss it, I'm afraid. Warm, flat Fosters, though. You're going to have a great time at a festival.
Starting point is 00:09:27 I know, that's what it reminds me of. Nothing can ever go wrong for you. I know, it's like pure psychosomatic. Every time I have it, it just reminds me of good times. It's great. Someone once told me that the pH of beer is the same pH as a healthy vagina and that that's why young straight men try so hard to acquire the taste was that a chat up line i thought this was a big trap for me just as soon as i say my thing you're like
Starting point is 00:09:52 i want a warm flat beer well that's exactly what you yeah i like i like my vaginas like i like my beer warm warm and practically in a tent. Your ad section now, because you can't be what you can't buy. Are you a millennial manager frustrated with your Gen Z employees? Do you find them unprofessional and incapable of writing an email properly and showing you the level of respect you've come to deserve? Try calming down and remembering that this is what getting old feels like. Yes, unlike the olden days when you could know ageing through the passage of milestones like home buying, children, wrinkles,
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Starting point is 00:12:15 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance enhancing broom.
Starting point is 00:12:31 It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. And now it's time for Hacker News. Quick, get on your ankle-length pleather coats and and leap into this story of hacker news that hackers are selling the data of millions of people that has been lifted from 23andMe's genetic database. Alison Spittel, you're a genetically engineered super soldier.
Starting point is 00:13:14 Can you unpack this story for us? Yeah, so this is a data leak where half the total number of users on 23andMe's platform, there's been passwords leaked and also so much private information. Like the information that you have to give to 23andMe is crazy. So yeah, there's basically a lot of information about a lot of people out in the world
Starting point is 00:13:40 that's what I suppose up for sale and going to be used for bad things but like my my sister has done 23 and me and the only thing that we found out was that we're like 43 percent welsh and uh i would love for uh that to be used in crime i don't know how it can be used in crime but i'm uh do you know what if they don't want to create crime with the knowledge that my family are 43% Welsh, let them at it, mate. They deserve, they deserve to get away with whatever crimes they're doing. Kai? Yeah, I was thinking, like, does it really matter if people, because people kind of got people's ethnicity and stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:24 And, like, now, like, because basically I'm a British Indian indian like in a sense born in britain ethnically indian and like growing up i was always very proud of that but do you think of those two countries politically at the moment it's a little bit icky you know it's like britain india double i feel like it's kind of like telling people i was born a tory but i'm ethnically slithering we're kind of evil now and i kind of want to keep it on the low down. I don't want to be shouting out about it. But yeah, I don't know. I feel like a bit, a big, because yeah
Starting point is 00:14:51 one of the biggest things was the ethnicity. I think people were kind of selling data on the dark web about people being Jewish and stuff like that and I think a big onus is put on ethnicity and I feel like I do that as well. Like I remember when I was growing up it used to always be like, there needs to british indians in politics and now we've got loads but they're all pricks and it's bad and i'm like we need more white straight men like
Starting point is 00:15:13 jeremy corbyn and mick lynch i'm like completely the opposite yeah it's kind of bad yeah it has a nasty flavor this leak because uh a hacker leaked i I mean one of the first leaks that came out was what they said was one million lines of data for Ashkenazi Jewish people which is always going to set up the hackles of Ashkenazi Jewish people. Just as an interesting note, if anyone wants to know how many Ashkenazi Jewish
Starting point is 00:15:38 people are around, try saying Ashkenazi Jewish people in a crowded room and seeing who starts looking for their go bag. It's weird, Alison, you said you were, I'm guessing you're Irish, right? But you're 43% Welsh. Because this is genuinely true, my best friend's Irish. And he's got a Welsh flag tattooed on him. And I was like, Oh my god, I didn't realise you were Welsh. And he genuinely goes, I'm not Welsh. And I was like, why have you a welsh flag tattooed on you and he genuinely was just like i just like the dragon
Starting point is 00:16:07 and i was like why don't you just get the dragon tattooed on you guys yeah i could have but that would be weird i was like you're right that would be very weird but true story and also like isn't there isn't there like so many other countries that have dragons on them that it could have picked from? Now if you fight someone with an English dragon on it, then King Arthur will be reborn. My dad has got St. George fighting a dragon on his arm after the divorce. A violent in England.
Starting point is 00:16:41 and a violent in England yeah I remember he always used to call me a prod and I never knew what it meant and it was like, I had to urban dictionary it and it basically was like, oh this is a racial term that Irish people say to British people
Starting point is 00:17:00 and I was like, he used to do it as an insult but he used to always make me quite proud because it was like the first time in my entire life someone had ever been racist to me for being English and I was just like look how far I've come that was a nice thing progress yes absolute progress and now it's time for your reviews as we we know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars. Kai, what have you brought in for us this week? So I am going to review Weddings Abroad.
Starting point is 00:17:34 So my mate just got married in Italy last week, so we all went down. And it's weird because I never went travelling a lot as a kid. And in England, when you grow up thinking England's the best country in the world to live in, and you go a little bit older you go to like france and spain and like italy and you realize that is such bollocks like they are like loving life and uh yeah basically i don't know much italian but all my friends all my italian friends used to go like that was like a little phrase used to say all the time and um I was just always like used
Starting point is 00:18:05 to pick that up so I said that a lot in Italy and uh everyone got really offended and then somebody came up to me was like you can get arrested for saying that and I was like what's it mean and apparently it means God is a pig and I was just going around saying that because that's like a phrase that Italian people say but like you're not allowed to say if you're like not Italian or something it's like crazy but the wedding was very nice um the mafia came we had like an ABBA wedding disco ABBA was on yeah yeah then as soon as SOS came they were like we're going down and then it was kind of funny because it was like all the young people were very little so left-wing and liberal all the older people there was like a big contingency of white men
Starting point is 00:18:45 who worked for the Met, who were like 50s and stuff. So that was very interesting. But I basically just ate a lot of bread, cheese and wine. And I think I've got gout now. But apart from that, it was great. And I would give it a four and a half out of five. Four and a half out of five stars for Weddings Abroad. Alison Spittel, what have you brought in
Starting point is 00:19:05 for us today so it is a new album out this week by this is a sincere uh review uh this is c matt uh she got a new album out this week called crazy mad for me and i love it it's got songs called like vincent company which is uh based on i think he's a belgian football manager who was bald and she's comparing uh his head to her heart and uh there's loads of incredible songs on it see that as a brilliant artist and uh she's at like number 13 in the uk charts now and uh download it wherever you can legally download stuff um and she's got a sound called such a miranda which is about being the miranda in sex of the city like uh i genuinely love this woman so much oh and this is the most irish sounding um she is irish uh this is the
Starting point is 00:20:00 most irish sounding uh song title ever. It's I hate who I am when I'm horny which should be on my grave grave. Yeah. It's a very Irish thing. So I'm going to give it
Starting point is 00:20:13 five out of five. Five out of five to C-MAT. Keira Mary Alice Thompson. I sound like such a stam. I'm going to bring in a review this week, and the review that I'm bringing is for Toddler Jetlag, brought to you by the last three nights of Toddler Jetlag,
Starting point is 00:20:34 where my small child, Laser Fraser, woke up at midnight and stayed awake until 3am last night, specifically asking me, why is the sky sleeping with just utter indignant outrage and then I have to explain that the combination of her mother's career ambitions and the failing NHS means that you're being dragged to the opposite side of the earth and you're used to the sun being on and you're not wrong to be awake but I'm still going to be angry about it. Two and a half stars. puking news now uh this is the news about tactical puking attacks this is one of those stories that sort of seems to come around uh again and again in in the news cycle but the
Starting point is 00:21:15 possibility of planting real world objects in digital so in soldiers digital fields of view in these ages of new kind of model displays where they're showing a kind of a digital screen that you could hack into that screen, disorient the soldiers and make them throw up. Kai Samurai, you're a super soldier. Can you unpack this story for us? I am. So this is the story about how DARPA, which is the US Army's top research and development arm, are concerned about tactical puking attacks um they're reportedly exploring ways to defend army soldiers against cognitive attacks that could result them in them puking under their hololens mixed reality headsets future wars it seems will be fought with
Starting point is 00:21:57 guts in more ways than one enemies could plant real world objects in a soldier's digital field of view to confuse them and then overwhelm displays with, like, planted objects and, like, tap into their goggles and, like, spy on their eye-tracking movements. And they could also potentially flood a soldier's headset with garbage data in order to increase latency and induce physical illness. And I kind of like this story. Like, I love how now, like, wars have essentially the same health and safety concerns of, like, a Friday night in Tiger Tiger.
Starting point is 00:22:28 Like, you can essentially do whatever you want, just don't vom on the floor, because that would be horrific. The only way your guts are coming up, soldier, are through the front, the traditional way, if you get shot in the stomach. Otherwise, it's just embarrassing. I know.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Also, like, I kind of, I don't know, if you're used to war and you're seeing war, otherwise it's just embarrassing I know also like I kind of I don't know if you're used to war and you're seeing war what could you possibly see that could induce vom more than that
Starting point is 00:22:52 do you know what I mean oh it could be like well I I get sick quite a lot when I think of I'm going to try and explain it in a way that doesn't
Starting point is 00:23:00 make me sick because I've done this before and made myself sick talking about it but I used to watch Tarot on tv and this man want wait i'm gonna talk quickly i'm gonna look away it was a german tv show right and then sorry and this man goes would you drink this milk for five deutschmarks and the guy's like yeah and this is in the mid-90s and instead of instead of opening the milk he cut it in half and it was solid and it was so it was so we're done we're done very sour milk but anyway i would i would not be good
Starting point is 00:23:49 in a war especially if they had sour milk sorry no don't apologize allison that was a glorious piece of cheese news the only thing i could think of that's made me bomb is i saw the pretty patel nigel fry's doing karaoke together oh frankie valleys and that on the like some sort of party and i was like what were they singing like can't take my eyes off you or something and i was like that was like vomiting juice not quite like sour milk but i had a little bit of the back of my throat but it also reminds me when i remember it like being a disc like year six discos bombing was a big thing at my school like kids bomb and then they banned panda pops and space invaders and that kind of like sorted out the problems maybe they could do that in wars with an equivalent a vom attack as well it feels like i was at a wedding in uh madrid
Starting point is 00:24:42 there about a month ago and i went into the toilet And this is after like 48 hours of just eating the richest food and a free bar. And I could smell that someone had vomited in there earlier. But couldn't see any evidence of it. Just knew that it happened. But there was a part of me that goes, wow, what a great adult. Like they knew they've had too much. They went for a tactical vom. And now they're ready for the rest of the day.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Like there is such thing a tactical vom and now they're ready for the rest of the day like there is there is such thing as tactical vomit where you just you know you're you know you're holding up too much and then you i mean it sounds horribly roman it sounds like the vomitorium kind of thing it genuinely felt like maybe we as a society have gone too far that someone someone has eaten too much food drank too much drink in their life i have to physically make myself sick in order to really get get the most from today you know well i mean allison you were you're ahead of the game all you need to think about is that sour milk story oh my god and when you were saying about pretty patella nigel farage and the sour milk i'm like i know who I'd rather have governing me.
Starting point is 00:25:46 That would be sour milk all the time. Well, at the moment it seems like a lot of the people in politics are just sour grapes. Hit the politics bell, Ped. I didn't say a party. I didn't say a party. And now it's time for awkward therapy news. This is the news that therapy is about to get incredibly awkward,
Starting point is 00:26:12 at least according to Simple Practice, a company that offers a telehealth platform. Alison Spittel, you've made therapy awkward before. Can you unpack this story for us? Oh, have I? So this is a company um that that do like oh sorry there i feel a bit nauseous wait two seconds so this is the company no it's my fault i brought it up i brought up don't bring it up again no no
Starting point is 00:26:42 my flatmates used to describe sour milk to me at house parties so i'd vomit as a like party piece which was not fun and so this is so much i went to therapy for so this is good and so this is about like um people video calling for therapy and that there are uses within the Apple apps that give like weird that you can use reactions and emojis and stuff
Starting point is 00:27:14 which is not good during a therapy session you can have virtual fireworks as well and heart emojis and I think that just goes a bit too far within therapy i've been to therapy lots of times and uh i i already overanalyzed the reaction of the person that's listening to me anyway do you know what i mean like sometimes i'm like oh she uh she looked at
Starting point is 00:27:40 me and then wrote in her book that must mean i'm quite mentally ill but she uses firework emojis i'm gone i need to get sectioned you know it feels like a thing where there needs to be quite a subtle etiquette developed about what appropriate emojis uh for therapy are and that we are necessarily going to be the front front line soldiers in that process of figuring out what is totally unacceptable in a therapy context in the emoji front uh kai yeah i also what is this app where you can just do mannerisms and an emoji will just appear i want that i don't want to know what you'd have to do for like an eggplant to like come up or what other like mannerisms you'd have to do for any other type of emoji but it's um yeah it's about like i had a meeting recently
Starting point is 00:28:30 and someone just straight off the bat just said to me you should go to therapy and i was like oh how do you know that i don't and they're like i can just tell and i was like oh my god so i want to do it but where do you wait a little bit probably but then also i feel like most of my problems come with like as a result of a lack of money. And I can't justify paying 100 quid a session to hear that. It'll make me more depressed paying that. Do you know what I do to save money? It's like, talk to my friends who can afford therapy
Starting point is 00:28:59 and try and ascertain what I can gain from what they've learned by paying 100 quid a week. So this is what artificial intelligence is being used for now, is to analyze video footage and throw up emojis on the video in the context of a video call, reacting to the things that you're doing with your face and hands that the other person can see. Why does it need to do that? The question I'm asking is why can't, I mean, unless you're somebody who finds it very hard to read emotions, in which case you have to be worse at reading emotions
Starting point is 00:29:35 than an artificial intelligence, it feels like this is at best redundant and at worst the way to see an eggplant emoji badly superimposed over a naked penis on a video call. And that brings us to the end of the show. I'm flipping through the ad section at the back. Kai, Samra, have you got anything to plug? I am doing a...
Starting point is 00:30:04 Just go on my website I've just got live dates I can't remember them off the top of my head just kaisamra.com you can see all my live dates there Alison have you got anything to plug? I have a tour so my tour suit
Starting point is 00:30:18 tickets are available today you can go to my website alisonspittle.com and go into Brighton and go into Manchester and go.com and go into Brighton and go into Manchester and go into Birmingham and go into Glasgow Edinburgh, all of the places
Starting point is 00:30:31 and go into a place called Leek and Pocklington, which I've never been to before so if you're there, please come along it's going to be good fun at alisonspittle.com or my Instagram at alisonspittle Sit in the audience for both of these acts. I guarantee the lols.
Starting point is 00:30:52 If you want to tell us the stories that you think should be on The Gargle, tweet us or ex us at HelloGogglers or blueskyus or blueskyus on the gargle.bluesky.social. I don't know how to pronounce it. I've heard it blueski, I've heard it bluesky, I've heard it John Belushi. Why don't you write in to us on that app and tell us how to pronounce it
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