The Gargle - Chess jeans | Raunchy Bible | Penis injuries

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

Alice Tovey and James Colley join host Alice Fraser for episode 189 of The Gargle - all of the news, and none of the politics.👖 Chess jeans📖 Raunchy Bible🍆 Penis injuries🤖 Bigoted AI🪨 ReviewsWatch on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@BuglePodcastSupport Bugle podcasts here https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateWritten by Alice Fraser, Alice Tovey and James ColleyProduced by Ped Hunter, with executive production from Chris SkinnerHOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a podcast a new year, this is your new year. A year for reinvention, for transformation, for rising from the ashes of your former self like one of those trick birthday candles that are a serious fire hazard because they keep relighting themselves. Shed the baggage of who you were and sprint towards the horizon. A few you think without evidence

you could be meant to be becoming. Wanna start a business? Launch it! Will it fail? Statistically, probably. Wanna write a novel? Immediately write 100,000 words. it doesn't matter which words. Will they be good? Who cares? To those who doubt you, who tell you that you're dreaming too big,

moving too fast, reaching too far, just tell them this is The Gargle. Welcome to The Gargle! The Sonic Glossy Magazine for The Mugles, audio newspaper for Visual World. All of the news, none of the politics. I am your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are James Collie. Hello. Hello. I like that you are just over your left shoulder. You're being loomed over by what appears to be a ghostly hat. Is there? Oh, I don't care for that at all. That is, I, jokes really odd, that's a mirror behind me and if I look here, there is absolutely not a hat there. And Alice Tovey, welcome back. Hello, it's good to be back. I'm over my shoulder is up my husband's degrees

and Iron Man, so yeah, similar stuff's going on here. Haunted by achievements, not your own as are we all. Before we jump into this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover this week is Zendaya and Tom Holland getting engaged. I don't care if it makes me basic or that I haven't watched any of the recent Spider-Man's

or the Three Simtenus movie or even Dune II because I don't watch anything anymore by virtue of a childcare-induced 9pm bedtime. I am happy for those two crazy kids. They seem nice. I'm also aware that they have large teams of people whose job it is to make me think well of them, but also the video of them doing that lip sync battle together comes across my feeds occasionally and always makes me smile. So may they have a good marriage is what I say. It's so good. I remember once my mum called me. I love Zendaya very much. My mum called me and she's like, have you heard of Zendaya?

I think she's going places. So I think my mum is what really cinched her career. I'm really glad there was the PR team bit there because that was the least Alice Fraser moment I've ever heard in my life of you being happy for the joy of two celebrities. That wasn't until we got to the PR element of it. I'm like, there we go. That's the Alice I know. Well, I realized that like the job of a satirist is inherently a cynical one, but you know, I feel like my work as a whole is all for the uplifting of human joy. And in this instance, again, they seem nice. He can do backflips. She can make anything look good. Imagine their children. It's actually big for me. My daughter is so obsessed with Spider-Man and I can tell her Spider-Man's getting married because she asks me all the time, what is Spider-Man doing? What's

Spider-Man up to? And it's a question that I am so good at answering. I am uniquely positioned to tell you exactly what Spider-Man is doing at any time, but she doesn't really care about the answers as much as asking the questions. I think Spider-Man's getting married would really stick in her head though. The satirical cartoon this week is based on the fact that Orthodox Christianity is experiencing a significant increase in young single male converts in the US who are driven by a desire for structure and authenticity in a more masculine approach to faith. So this satirical cartoon this week is a young man knocking on someone's door saying, can

I talk to you about the many shining faces of the sun god Amun Ra? If you're going to go trad, go very trad. That brings us to top story this week and this is the news that there is trouble in chess paradise chess and fashion maven Magnus Carlsen has Walked his denim clad bottom out of the world championships recently James. You're a massive nerd Can you unpack this story for us? Oh I can unpack this story Oh, I can unpack this story so deeply, Alice. Just to pull the curtain back a little bit before we even get into this, Alice works

in the question everything offers with me and was against her will delivered a blow by blow account of all of the recent championship matches in the world chess championship. Now, of course- And it all sunk in. I paid attention to all the words, but no, you go, you go, bud. I'm listening. Here we are not talking about the chess championships obviously. We are talking about the big chess controversy, which is that Magnus Carlsen... Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh So we're talking about the, the big chess controversy this year.

Now, obviously we all know the chess controversy is that Magnus Carlsen agreed to share the Blitz championship with Jan Neponecsi, shocking controversy. How can there be two champions of the Blitz? Why don't they just play it in an Armageddon style where it goes to a rapid or a bullet format afterwards? And okay, well, if we're not talking about that, maybe we're talking about the other Magnus Carlsen controversy from the rapid championship that occurred just before the Blitz championship, but after the world championship.

I presume that's what you're talking about. So let's get into that. It is day one of the tournament and Magnus Carlsen loses to 18 year old grandmaster Dennis Lazarevic despite playing the Slav defense, which is a positional game and would usually benefit Carlsen loses to 18 year old grandmaster Dennis Lazarevic, despite playing the Slav defense, which is a positional game and would usually benefit Carlsen. No, no, no, no, you've misread that. It's denim. It's denim that's the problem now.

Oh, you want to talk about what he was wearing. This is so typical of you casuals who only are interested in chess for the raw sex appeal. For the borderline- Us ladies like the fashion, James. Give us what's best on field. I am saying this on purpose. The absolute pornographic attire of the modern chess player is none of your business. And I would say that you may say you are interested in chess, but the evidence of that is check it now. Let's get into this. Magnus was coming from an interview, he forgot to change out of his jeans. He offered to change at the end of the day

because he is a king and a king cannot move that quickly. It's one of the rules of chess. They threatened him with a $200 fine. And then he says it became a matter of principle. Now I cannot tell you. You want me to change? What am I, a pawn reaching the end of the board? Do I come into your home and...

Ooh! To be fair, I do that mostly through this show every time I'm on. I can't tell you how many times I have been playing a game of rapid chess, 15 minutes aside, and someone offers me $200 to take off my jeans. Well, actually, I can tell you that it's zero times ever. But Magnus Carlsen refused. He said it was a matter of principle. He would not change his jeans and thus jeans gate began, which is the biggest controversy in world chess since Hans Neumann was jokingly accused of cheating using anal beads. It's very, but obsessed the chess world right now. I do not know why that is happening, but it is a very, I guess it's the complete like utter dominance of bishops,

I suppose, is leading this. But anyway, let's not go too deep down that metaphor. But this is this has become jeans gate. It has become a very big story despite the fact that so he leaves the rapid tournament, he vacates the championship, someone else wins, he goes on and ties the blitz championship a couple days later. And there's an even bigger story about what Magnus Carlsen wore because he got married on the 4th of January this year. He last week got married. And what did he wear? A tuxedo. Big deal, doesn't really matter. But if you have any other questions about that, you can check the chess.com article that's called, who is Magnus Carlsen's bride?

Doesn't mention in a headline that her name is Ella. Ella Victoria Malone. And it asks important questions for the readers of chess.com news, such as, does she play chess? The answer is yes, sometimes. But I am a chess purist. I want to focus on what Magnus is taking on the board. Like when he took money from the Saudi board

to be an ambassador for the e-sports world cup, as easily as a pawn takes C4 on the Queen's Gambit accepted. There you go, Alice, that one's for you. Except in this case, when the pawn is captured, its passport is confiscated. I mean, the thing that I first encountered Magnus Carlsen on a billboard for, I think, a jeans company. So, are we sure he's not just doing controversial sponcon?

Yeah, I think he was a model for glue. Yeah, he's been a model for a few of these. He's done tag and glue and a few of these. It is interesting. He is that kind of like the most is interesting, like he like he is that kind of like the most accessible chess player because he's also maybe the best of all time. He's a real grump. A big part of this is like the actual reasoning behind this is a principle on the professional standards of chess dress. And while I don't think in individual cases, that is

important to the playing of the game, It is absolutely super important because can you imagine how chess players would dress for television broadcasts if there were not strict rules? When you follow that one of the best plays in the world, maybe Magnus has made rival mostly where speed dealer sunglasses that look like they belong in the Australian cricket team slips cordon. Like they're not good dresses. And like I say that is not a good dresser. It is a tough world.

It would be that scandal of that. Remember the space scientist, the rocket scientist who did some announcement with the tits shirt. Yeah. No, he had like a Hawaiian shirt, but it was all naked ladies on it. Oh, that guy rocks. That's my new hero. It was jeans man. Now it's that guy.

Please don't call Maggis Cuffs and jeans man. I read the dress code. I went on the website and looked at the dress code. I encourage everyone to, because it's just a miracle of graphic design. It is fabulous stuff going on. But under where it says jeans are banned, it says jeans are generally not considered business attire. And I'm sorry, but are rodeo clowns not businessmen?

Are they not conducting rodeo business? I was deeply offended. Some of them have a briefcase. Yes. I love the world where Alice Tovey thinks, who wears jeans? By community premise. Rodeo clowns. That's the wears jeans? By comedic premise. Or probably rodeo clouds. That's the main jeans wearer I think of.

And they're doctors as well. It's a diverse pair of pants for business. Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. Gold bullion and erectile dysfunction pills. What does the algorithm know about you that you don't know you think? And then you find out. Me deep in the gold fields with a massive four hour boner, high on ketamine and five hour energy, this is the life for you.

I call that glory hole. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by men who say they don't think we should do presents this year. Whether it's the one who's like, what dates are arbitrary? I can get you presents any other time of the year and then doesn't. Or the one who's like, think of the environment, babe. We don't want to be cluttering up our house with garbage shit, thereby promising you that if you make him buy a present, it will be garbage shit that you have to throw away into

the landfill. Please, get yourself a man who doesn't think we should give each other presents. The best present. The present that doesn't keep giving. Evie- Alice, can I tell you a story about a man giving a present at Christmas this year for my family? Alice- Yes. Evie- Oh my gosh, my aunt. So we do evil Santa- Alice- It's not always men.

Evie- It's not always men, but this was a man, and this man is my brother, where you do Evil Santa in my family, like Chris Kringle, where you can steal other gifts if you like them. We all bought just normal stuff to the table, like scented candle, chocolates. My brother bought a two kilo tub of protein powder as the gift, and my granddad in his 80s opened it, and then my brother stole it at the end because his justification was I needed to do my grocery shopping and then he just took it. That's lapsed. That's so good. We have done Crap King Kringle for years. That's a regular tradition amongst my friend group. I have various gifts of it all flying around.

They're all pretty terrible. I was trying to find one, but it was actually a drawing. A lot of minor drawings and this one isn't crap cringle, but it gives you the tenor of what we're discussing about which is a personal piece of artwork done by a dear friend of mine. This was actually for my 26th birthday and it's me being birthed by Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, that's awful. I love it. And so there's a lot of gifts to that tenor. But the worst of those I have ever

received was a random pile crap kringle because we're doing it down. It was a house party like just bring generic presents or put them in a big pile. We'll do a lucky dip. It'll be nice for everyone, whoever turns up. And I got first pick, and I got first pick and I pulled out a copy of my own book signed to my housemate. Oh, molto bene. And that brings us to our final ad of this ad section, which is that if you are in London, there will be a launch party for a passion for passion

on the 5th of February at 8 p.m. You heard it here first, this is the first people I'm telling, 8 p.m. You heard it here first, this is the first people I'm telling, 8 p.m. at the Bill Murray. Go get tickets on my website, alicefrazor.com. They will be up there. It'll be a launch party, Andy Zaltzman will be there, various Bugle hosts will be there.

It's not gonna be the tour show, though the tour show is also something you should buy tickets for. It'll just be a launch party. I will also be in Leicester on the 7th of February, in Bristol on the 9th of February, in Brighton on the 11th of February, in Edinburgh on the 14th of February, in Birmingham on the 17th of February, in Leeds on the 25th of February, and there will be one more London date where I will be doing the actual show, TV announced.

Which brings us to my next top story. This is the news that the Bible has been judged too raunchy for a religious school. Alice Tovey, you're too raunchy for a religious school. Can you unpack this story for us? Alice Tovey Damn straight I am. So in Texas, they passed this new law that was banning just the controversial sexy books. So they banned the Bible in schools, but now it's back. They put the Bible back. It's a miracle, or like common sense. But either way, I reckon God has something to do with it. And the head of the Texas school, the district, they said that the Bible had to

be removed because of this new state law. And a concerned parent, one concerned parent, I love this, described the Bible as not only the bestselling book of all time, you can't argue with numbers, but as historically accurate, scientifically sound, and most importantly, life changing. And and boy it is because there are loads of life-changing sex positions that you can pick up in the Bible kids I mean give it a read or non kids whoever's reading in libraries really so they're fun sex positions like the

body of Christ the passion of Christ Christ is risen the second coming the crucifixion that one self-explanatory the thing where your wife's behind you and she's a pillar of salt if you know what I mean haha well there's the let my people blow the three wise men mounting the cyanide the reverse good samaritan feeding the five thousand or breeding the five thousand or five loaves two fish and then there's in the beginning where you separate the light from the darkness and take a rest. Is this so weird? My Pope Bobblehead just exploded. What? How did that happen?

But it's so weird, like burning, not burning, I hope they're not burning the Bible, but banning the Bible because it's too sexy. It's like this conservative Ouroboros, which sounds like a fun religious sex position. I feel like we have definitely just been banned in a Texas school after that run of jokes. There's something that might be necessary to clarify here, which is that this is a clever move from a school district superintendent who is protesting against the new law.

It was like the bearing of the Bible seemed to be a, well, if you're going to ban books, you know what book contains a lot of material that you wouldn't want shared. And it's actually a very good point to make Well, if you go in the band books, you know what book contains a lot of material that you wouldn't want shared. And it's actually a very good point to make because if there's one thing that fundamentalist Americans are good at, it's when you make a clever point about the Bible, they say, all right, well played.

I see your point. And I'm going to back down and never challenge this on an intellectual level again. I think that they're very reasonable human beings in Texas and we will have no further problem for them But that said the Bible should be banned from American schools because it is not relevant for American schools Sure, sometimes it stops a bullet useful But other than that it has no place in an American school system because frankly it's a bit socialist and it's not nearly Patriotic enough. Do you know that Christ does not want say the word America in the New Testament? He doesn't say America. He doesn't say football.

He doesn't say hot dog or glizzy. He doesn't say fentanyl addiction. He doesn't say Detroit Lions. He's a bloody foreigner, if anything. It sounds like most of the stuff he's talking about isn't American at all. I think Americans should only be reading American books. Also, I am curious as to whether or not the Bible is still the highest selling book, because I think selling is a big... Because we all steal them from churches, right? You don't buy a Bible, you steal it from a church, obviously. And then you find out that's wrong and you go back to the church and then you're redeemed and then you still have the book at home. So that's fine.

And I just think that Sally Rooney has clocked up a lot of sales in the last couple of years. People seem to, they found intermezzo kind of a bore, but I found it interesting because it was about a guy who's really interested in chess and how everyone wants to have sex with him. I thought that was a fantastic story that more people should be telling. So I think that might be higher selling than the Bible. And I say that with no evidence, but a lot of faith. And that brings us to our reviews section. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars. Alice, Toby, what have you brought in for us to review?

Yes, I wrote this review before I realized I was going to be on with my workplace bully. So let's let's get Ernest on here for a sec. So last year I was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD. So I've got double D's that the only double D's I'm ever going to have. And it cost a bit of money to get the diagnosis. But I think I could have saved a lot of time if I just showed them my Spotify wrapped for 2024. Like this is a little highlights reel that I'm going to give

you and I want you to diagnose whatever's wrong with me at the end of this. So we've got Espresso, Sabrina Carpenter, Hot To Go, Chapel Rhone, That Thing You Do from the film That Thing You Do, Not Like Us, Kendrick Lamar, Soul Bossa Nova, Joyride by Kesha, Zombie Jamboree, Harry Belafonte, Silver Springs, Fleetwood Mac, Gonna Make You Sweat, C.C. Music Factory, I Make Hamburgers, The Whitelands, Strangers Like Me, Phil Collins for the Disney film Tarzan, Hip to Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News, Get Busy, Sean Paul, a 15-minute experimental organ piece, and then Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr. So my Spotify wrapped a one-star listening experience for the mentally healthy,

but a four-star diagnostic tool for physicians. James, what have you brought in to review for us? Actually, weirdly, I brought it, Alice, a Spotify wrapped. But I thought to get the ball rolling on a new year, I thought let's roll a ball. So I am reviewing Sisyphean tasks. Now I didn't want to just imagine Sisyphe's happy. I don't like being told what to do. So I took on the Sisyphean task. Here's how it went. Day one, ups and downs. Day two had its ups and downs. I will have to say the job security is nice. You don't take your work home with you. That's pretty good. Day one ups and downs. Day two had its ups and downs. I will have to say the job security is nice. You don't

take your work home with you. That's pretty good. Day three ups and downs. Though the bit where it rolls back down the hill is kind of fun. And I think if you imagine Sisyphus at that point, he would be happy and maybe making this noise. Day four ups and downs. It did start to wonder if there was any point to my work got a little existential about it, you know, roll a rock up, it rolls back down, do it again tomorrow. But then again, my job before this was trying to add joy

to a world that passed fresh misery every day. So same old, same old. Day five, Friday, went for a drink with the other Sisyphean Tasks doers. We're thinking of starting a band and you'll never guess what genre we play. That's right, that's right, contemporary jazz. All in all, systemically entangled, three stars. A very music-heavy review section. What a delight. And that brings me to what horrible things do we do to our penises last year news now?

A favorite edition of the gargle. I think last year we did what horrible things did we put up our butts, but this year it's what did we do to our penises? This is a question, Collie, that confronts you every morning. What horrible things did we do to our penises last year? Personally? No, no, just the story. Oh yeah.

Sorry. Okay. Yes. Your penis is not our penis. It's not like it's one's penis, like the Queen's English and we all share the communal penis. I thought it was collective. I don't know how I feel about it.

The way I feel about penises is from each according to his ability to eat according to his needs. Exactly. I have a royal penis. That's why I take a morning royal wee. First off, more than anything, I am annoyed at being left off at another end of year list. And it's so political. You know, you do all that you can and then it's all about who your publicist can contact,

who actually makes the list at the end, who they think has heat. It made me so mad. I took my laptop and I shoved it square up my penis. So fingers crossed for next year. Um, I don't think we can have more fun with this than just bulleting through a bunch of examples, because it sounds like an adults only Wally Coyote calamity list, like let's call it Chode runner. we're gonna run I'm just gonna give you just a bunch of these are closed penis in refrigerator door was working on his deck stepped on a loose board and it shot up and struck him on the scrotum was holding a dog leash that retracted and the hard part struck him in the testicle using wheelbarrow when trying to dump it out it tipped over and hit him in the scrotum put his wedding ring around around the shaft of his penis. Now he cannot get it off. Also first... It's called commitment. Cut the tip of his penis on a urinal. All right, de chante. Pain to testicles when hitting self with dustpan. Was bathing with the soap flip from his hand and hit him in the testicles. Diving into a pool, the testicles hit the diving board. Jesus Christ, that's so funny, was cleaning hedgehog's cage and began experiencing testicular pain. Now those things aren't necessarily related,

but I did watch Sonic 3 this week and I think they are related and I think this happened to James Marsden. Playing with a ball and his dog and the dog was trying to bite the ball and bit his penis, putting a towel bar at home and the drill he was using hit his penis, was masturbating when he fell off the bed

while masturbating and landed on his penis. I would like to pause there to celebrate the only honest person on this list. Everyone else is lying. The person who was jerking it so hard they fell onto their dick is telling the truth. It might just be the next George Washington who cannot tell a lie. Evie- Do you reckon he like fell on the floor and like balanced on his penis or it went through the floor and caused a hole? That's what I'm wondering.

I think he spun like a playtop for a while. Like he just went and then drilled into the floor a bit like when like an Ikea screw fell down 14 steps and hit head also with irritation to the penis feels like we're bearing the lead. I don't think I kicked in the groin during a pillow fight. Cheating. I don't think that's allowed during a pillow fight. Playing basketball when he attempted to dunk and straddle the basket pole might be the funniest thing that has ever happened to anyone ever. Imagine watching

a human being try and dunk and they end up hitting the post behind the backboard and hitting it dick first and dropping. That's so funny. Let's not like try and be above this. That's so funny. I want to spend the rest of the show reading all these out, but I'm sure other people have other things they would like to say. But mostly I would like to say struck himself in testicles with a video game controller, added Vaseline to a brush fire, burns to scrotum, riding an electric unicycle and fell and the tire made contact with his penis, that one's fine if you own an electric unicycle, you are not using that penis anyway, it is okay. I think my favorites were, was wearing tight pants yesterday and positioned

his penis in an unusual way. Tied a cotton rope around his penis two days ago in order to quote, prove a point end quote. And he did. Tripped over a large dog and a small dog stepped on his testicles. And last but not least, slipped on dock trying to exit boat, had about six beers, fell face first in water, had gun in pants pocket that fired, gunshot wound to pee. It's unique reading these because it's so funny and I feel the pain of every single

one of them. It's the one bit of empathy I have in my life and I read stories like, oh God, that would hurt. And also as the owner of a toddler, I am regularly succumb to fun and interesting ways to be hit in the groin, which happens with alarming regularity. I feel like that should be the start of- It's an evolutionary strategy, James. Just clear the decks. I remember my nephew when he was two years old was showering with my brother-in-law, his father, and he just turned to his dad and as loud as he could just yelled, dick

punch, and punched him in the dick as hard as he could. And no one can prove that I told him to do that. What a delight. to do that. What a delight. I've used that to balance out this last story, which is wildly depressing, which is the news that an app called Fable has scrapped a feature after its AI insulted readers using bigoted and racist put-downs. Alice Tovey, you can read. Unpack this story for us. It's AI insulted readers using bigoted and racist put-downs.

Alice Tovey, you can read, unpack this story for us. Evie You can't prove that. So yeah, Generative AI again is fabulous. It's continued to scrape the bunions off the souls of human existence and repackage it to us as creativity. So this is for a reading app, they were doing a wrapped of the year. I don't want any more wraps. I don't need every app to have a wrapped. I am not a leftover rotisserie chicken. I do not need my bits and pieces all wrapped up. But I think that we've reached the zenith of what

AI can provide us in that we've now got a robot that negs you. For example, it described one reader as a diversity devotee and in their rap said, it asked them rather, ever in the mood for a straight, cis white man's perspective? I'll answer, no, no, never, nope, no thank you. I read one book by a cis straight white man and last year and he is on this call. That is also how I started every single meeting in our job was coming to

high diversity devotees want to hear a cis white man's opinion? Well, you're contracted to. Let's go. Well, basically, this is one of the features or bugs or buggy features of modern large language learning models of AI, which is that they scrape the internet for their language and terms of phrase and opinions. And it turns out that on the internet are a lot of horrendous shit.

Yeah, this is, I think we're getting to the same point here, Alex, which is that this is disgusting because like what, what really, what really upsets me about this is once again, we're seeing AI take a job away from people like me. It is my job to say hateful, and bigoted things to other people in a book club. That's the point of going to a book club to say, I mean, not just a book club. You'll do it on a podcast in a workplace workplace texting me at all hours of the night. That's fair. I think the part of this that really amuses me and a lot of it does, part of it that really

amuses me is the idea, the suggestion of trying a wide author because that's such a funny suggestion to give someone in general. It's like finding out someone into music and being like, have you heard of The Beatles? You should try The Beatles. Or like, oh, you're enjoying Severin season two, are you? Do you know what? Check out The Simpsons. You know that main thing that's been promoted for 30 years to everyone ever? You should check that out. It's so good. It's like a modern Hemingway that goes for sale, white author, never read. It's like, it puts you in the mind of like a modern Hemingway that goes for sale, white author never read. It's still, it's really not. It's such you have to hit such a

weird niche. And it's not to say that like, these rap things, they when you're in the work world, you see a lot of people's versions of them. And some of them are deserving of mocking. It is okay for that to be a thing. I had one that was someone who very like very lovely read my book, shared that they had read it and it was in a month of the other books they have read and the previous books the week before mine was a trilogy where the coronavirus was made into a human and another character had sex with the coronavirus which was a love story. It wasn't about how the coronavirus spread,

which felt like a real lack of plot imagination, but it was like- It was about how the coronavirus spread, if you know what I mean. Hey, excuse me, I do know what you mean, and that is disgusting, and you are being banned by the Texas school board as we speak.

Yeah. There is one book club I have been a part of that I enjoy. Most of my book clubs stop very early. They are, because they're mostly about people who read two books and then share bad writing from authors we all mutually know, which is a fantastic book club and you really enjoy it but you can't meet up in a bar for it or it becomes kind of stalkery. So they end pretty soon. The only one that I have consistently gone to that has kept going and going and going is the Celebrity Memoir Book Club that I've been invited to. And fantastic because

you get through Pamela Randerson's and very, look, I would say as well, great biography, very smart, except for the part where she tries to claim that she has memorized Hamlet's to be or not to be soliloquy and then types it in a book to prove that point, which doesn't really, doesn't really function for what you want it to do, but I understand the sentiment behind it. I mean, it will work if it's a gullible person listening to an audiobook. Should, should we get some like, um, uhed like hatred out for your book launch? Alice, like you're about to bring out a book. We need to say some bigoted and hurtful things about the people who are going to read it.

Oh yes, what does reading my book say about you that you don't want said about you in your workplace? I would say incredibly horny, but in an ironically detached way, like you have ironically detached your own genitals from your body. You can put that on the cover. And I'll keep it reddity for mine. Just like, oh, you read books of a woman. Yuck, gross. Buh!

And then just, yeah, emojis. There we go. Done. I'm a man now. Have you thought about listening to the opinions of a cis white man on romance? If you have, The Next Big Thing by James Collie is an excellent book. Five stars. Go find it.

Go get it. And that brings me to the end of this week's episode of The Gargle. I'm flipping through the ad section at the back. Alice, have you got anything to plug? Yes, I'll be doing a new show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival called Glass Houses that is on sale right now. I'm also going to be doing a kids show at the festival which hasn't been announced yet, but if you follow me on social media and you have kids, yeah, come on down to that too, that would be really lovely.

Excellent. What age range of kids? I say six to 12, but as long as, if they like the words poo, wee, fart, then we're on board. We're gonna be in- Three to 12. We're gonna have good times.

How we have fallen since the days of Enid Blyton. James Golly, have you got anything to plug? Are you telling me Moonface didn't fart, Alice? Grow up. Well, I've already plugged the next big thing. If you are watching this on the YouTube, you might see this fun mug that is the next big thing. If you would like to purchase that, you actually can't.

This was just made for me by a friend. But you can buy that book somehow. And you can also watch Question Everything that Alice and I both work on on ABC, I view also Gruen, you can't watch those if you aren't in Australia. And we all know there is no way of accessing media in the modern world unless you are geo located in the specific area that it is available. So give up I say don't even bother finding this hilarious show that is

all around TikTok and YouTube and probably every torrent site. And you can find me online at patreon.com slash Alice Fraser. It's a one stop shop for all of my stand up special podcast blogs, as well as my twice weekly writers meetings, my weekly salons, and now the expression of interest form for writers retreat in the Swiss Alps in the first two weeks of September. Ooh la la! We're hoping to run two of them this year in the first week of September

and the second week of September. So if you go over to patreon.com slash Alice Fraser, you can express your interest in such a thing. And I'll see you in Switzerland. This is a Bugle podcast on Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter, your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week.

You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, Catharsis, Tiny Revolutions, Top Stories, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.