The Gargle - Dickberg | Jizz king | IVF

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

Alison Spittle and Lauren Pattison join host Alice Fraser for episode 110 of The Gargle - the glossy magazine to The Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world.All of the news, none of the politics.��� Dickberg🍆 Michaelangelo's David💦 Jizz king🇨🇳 Single women IVF🚂 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

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Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. voice and say, what are you doing in my vent? You scurry away like a rat. The police find no trace of you. Weeks go by and every time I hear a sound in the night, a bump or a scrape in the walls, I think they're in the walls now or maybe I should burn this place to the ground. The police find no trace of you. I begin to know when you're there even before I see or hear or smell you. Once I managed to scald you with a full pot of hot pasta by accident and you disappear for weeks, I lure you back with piles of old newspaper. The police find no trace of you. Finally, desperate and waiting for a fresh pot of pasta to boil,

I ask, why are you doing this? What even is this? From under the sink you speak for the first time. This is The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Buell's audio newspaper for visual world. Hello, I'm your host, Alice Fraser. Your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are Alison Spittel and Lauren Patterson.

Welcome. That gave me flashbacks. I used to have rats in the walls where I lived, and that very much transported me back. Did you? I'm a f***er, yeah. I've had a lot of vermin in my life too. And it's like,

sometimes you just want to pretend you're Snow White. And I wonder if Snow White, when she sang to these animals, was just in denial about how effed up her vermin problem was. I think it was just the curse that her screams came out so melodious. Yeah. It was a cry for help, just generally.

Well, before we take hands and walk down the red carpet that is this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front page. The front page of this week's magazine is The Met Galah, which is a large-crested bird with a taste for fashion dressed as billy eilish the theme this year was carl lagerfeld and they run dressed in a way that they hoped would go viral which is not the same as fashion but close enough did you have a favorite uh garb garment um i didn't pay much attention like um this week but i do know that barry keown who is a irish actor

who was nominated for an oscar this year he went in a like a very large blue tartan burberry suit and to be honest with you i just support him in every endeavor he does so he could go around wearing like um you know the skin of my family and i still would be like oh go you Barry go Ireland you're doing great yeah exactly exactly Lauren are you a fashion uh follower uh Pedro Pascal I saw his outfit and he had like the sort of tartan almost like a was it a kilt I'm sure he had some kind of like skirt it might not have been a kilt and then like a red like shirt and I was like yes I like a man in a skirt don't know why I think it's very bold and I like it I feel like it's a man who's either very secure in his masculinity or has discarded it entirely either of which option that I'm okay with yeah I feel like more men need to embrace skirts you

know like skipping as well like skipping the scene is so girly and childish but when you do it, it's great and I feel the same about skirts you can twirl in them, do a little spin I feel like the world would be a happier place if we all just wore skirts and skipped you want to go back to better days you know, to when we were eight

to when we were eight playing hopscotch. Lunchables for all. Lunchables for all. I think you've got to, you have to, I mean, you're sort of importing a happiness situation because there is nothing sadder

than somebody crying while skipping in a skirt. That's true. That is true. Very true. The satirical cartoon this week was submitted by James Nokise and is a picture of a cockroach which made its way up

the steps of the Met Gala to much acclaim and the tag is Karl Lagerfeld makes it to the show That's a joke about how awful Karl Lagerfeld was in life I think my favourite set of outfits were all the people who just showed up while being fat, which he hated

I thought you were making some sort of like joke about like he's reincarnated as a cockroach and i was like yeah that seems fair oh yeah i mean that that was that was the joke oh for f**k's sake sorry i thought i'm accused i'm sorry i sorry I was sitting there thinking am I stupid because I also thought that was the joke no no tis me I'm the problem it's me you're not the problem

Karl Lagerfeld thought you were the problem he did what a silly goose what a terrible person. He had a diet book out. Did you know that? I did not know that. Did he?

I'm always confused by the people who think that fashion is not for human bodies to wear. Oh, totally. He would recommend smoking cigarettes. Yeah. I mean, I did take that on, but none of the other dietary advice. It's going great! Dickberg news now. This is the news of ice dick news.

I don't know whether to call it Dickberg or ice dick or an iceberg that looks like a dick. This is the story of a suggestively shaped iceberg which was found or discovered or noticed off the coast of Newfoundlands. I'm always worried about things that were already there that are discovered because it just feels like you just didn't find it until now, rather than it being a new discovery.

Yes. People are quite excited about it, really, I think. I think one of my favourite bits about this story is that the town that it was found off off the name of it is dildo Which feels like the ultimate like uh I did think that this was fake because of the because of the coincidences of the town being called dildo I'm nearly sure let me absolutely check it was called dildo because now The cockroach thing has made me like uh doubt everything about

me at the moment um but like yeah from the town of dildo yeah yeah and that for the listeners at home when when i said suggestive it's it's actually nearly like uh it should be pixelated, I think. Like, I think it's wrong. It has a shaft. It has a vein. It has two testes. Or is testes the best? It was noticed in an area of the province known as Conception Bay. Exactly!

This is when I started to think it was a prank. I was like, am I an idiot here? There's a dick-shaped iceberg in the town called dildo in conception but i was not born yesterday and then i googled it and it's real and i was like okay fair enough but why is why is the town called dildo like what's the i'd love to know the the backstory to that town i feel like we got sent this a lot by our roving reporters and i don't think the iceberg knows it's shaped like a dick like it's not doing it on purpose it's like that austrian village called fucking and don't you dare bleep that ped it's a place name not a swear word

getting offended is cultural imperialism and i won't have it but you know like it it has no sense of penises it's an iceberg plenty of people probably have noses or faces shaped like some sort of insect vagina and we don't know that's that's so true um yeah okay well maybe so so we're okay with this big dick shaped iceberg is that the vibe because i feel like clutching my pearls every time i see it i feel like we're imposing dick on the iceberg the iceberg is just iceberg yeah okay i mean to be fair this is the iceberg when it's cold imagine how big it would be at room temperature this is the biggest argument against climate change also i was thinking about this like dick iceberg um you know it's around it's around the bay of conception and uh there is going to be a vagina-shaped cruise liner

that's going to the Bay of Conception. But thankfully, it's unsinkable, so we should be fine. Imagine if this had been around at the time of the Titanic. By now, we'd be having iceberg ship crossbreeds. Yes. It did give me the idea, though, that if I was a time traveler I've always wondered what I would do and now after this I was like I would just go back to when places were named and give them all ridiculous names so names at the time where you wouldn't know that it was anything inappropriate but then fast forward a few hundred years and oh you're

living in um vibrating rabbit a little town of vibrating rabbits or you're living in um old kinkyville like i would absolutely old kinkyville oh i'd love like when you do name that town you can make yourself mayor in a couple of years like you'd be like call a place like shit town usa i'm the mayor of shit town usa i tell you what you can just say you're the mayor of shit town usa and nobody will check it's like getting an arts degree there's no debarts or whatever for shit where they just look through and they're like these are the shittiest people i wonder if there is like a vagina liner or a vagina iceberg that is like floating towards it what happens if they meet what happens if they meet are they going to just be loads of little baby bugs they're just gonna fight in ikea yeah that's what they did like heterosexuals i hope all the carnival cruises with the hens

knights steer clear of this because i don't think those ladies would be able to cope the hens night industry would just collapse alice i i you know what i hope i hope they i hope they get done by it i hope like the iceberg hits them in the head part he's like this is what we wanted but we don't want it this way. And it's like, he's watching their nan get swept out. No, dick, no. I just never understand the endless appetite for novelty penis paraphernalia in Hen's Nights. Yeah. Have you ever eaten the penis pasta?

No, I never have. But it's the premise that you haven't seen a penis? Because then how would they know what... I don't understand why it's so many penises. Yeah, I don't, like, I don't know. Is it like fertility rituals? I don't know. Do they take all the, like, plastic penis straws and burn them in a big bonfire?

Yeah, and the bride has to, like, drink it like a cocktail of microplastics inside it. If you could change one sort of like wonder of the world to be more phallic shaped, which do you think would be the best one? Even the pyramids, especially the pyramids. I don't ask you why I know that. Ancient Egyptians had, I'm suggesting,

ancient Egyptians had a very strange version of circumcision. had, I'm suggesting ancient Egyptians had a very strange version of circumcision. I feel like Big Ben. I don't know what would you do, look. Big Ben. Big Ben. Big Ben. It's already got the kind of right name. Oh, that's just Big Ben.

And then it can just chime like that. And it's like a Pokemon. It just says dong, dong, dong all the time. Yeah. Now it's time for your ads, your ad section now, because you can't be what you can't buy. And this ad is brought to you by you, or it could be because our ad section is now for sale.

Not all of it, just a bit. You can buy ad space on the gargle. Write to us at hallowebeuglers at thebeuglepodcast.com and sell your soul to us for money and by soul i mean product you loved breast milk but you're an adult now and it would be weird if you still had it like a toy train or hope be a grown-up and try alternative milks like nut milk or udder milk which is breast milk from an alternate universe where your mother was a cow or a cashew. And why is ham so expensive?

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No more groceries, no more grocery bills. We get to keep your blood. What are you going to do with their blood? I don't, I don't write the ads. I just read them out of my brain. You've marveled at the dick shaped iceberg.

Now taste it with half a glass of water. Half a glass of water, approximately 0.0006956689% of a dick-shaped iceberg. 100% of the flavor. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong.

Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com

Now it's time for sculpture news. And this is the news that the principal, who was forced to resign over showing a picture of Michelangelo's David, has now visited Michelangelo's David in what is either a triumphant victory tour or a sad defeat tour. Alison Spittel, you've met a man called David. Can you unpack this story for us? Yes, so this is a story about a teacher in Florida that got the sack for showing these children who were 11 to 12 years old. Michelangelo's masterpiece, David. Hope Carrasquilla and her family went to see Michelangelo's David on Friday at Florence's Academia Galleria.

And they came at the invitation of the museum director, Cecile Holberg, who said that she was grateful for the visit, right? And, you know, this teacher said, I think it's beautiful, it looks like a church. She was talking about the area. And the educator was asked to resign from Tallahassee Classical School in Florida last month after less than a year in the job.

Local media reported that Miss Karaskwila did not know the reason why she was asked to leave but believed it was related to complaints over the lesson that she did about michelangelo's david um so i think one parent complained that the renaissance era material was pornographic and others said they wanted to know about the lesson before it was taught so i think like 11 or 12 year olds they have access to smartphones and if my first view of a penis when i have a smartphone as a child is david i think you're doing quite well david is the stabilizers of the dick community for a lot of people like it's there

you know if you don't have a penis yourself it's probably david or it might have been your dad when he got out of the bath once. Do you know what I mean? And you never speak about it ever again. But, like, so it's either dad dick or David dick that you see forever when you're a child. And I think it's sad that this person's been given the sack. I think people think very strongly.

People want to protect their children so strongly from the idea of sex that they'll protect them from art. When I was a kid, I was five years old, my teacher did a sex education class involving the classroom rabbit. And I remember it because I was just so curious about the world and how babies were made. And she explained it by saying that the rabbit put a stick into a little pouch of another of the female rabbit and then a little egg would be made into a bait i mean maybe it wasn't the best lesson that's not by you know biologically the best but like i didn't feel damage from it in any way but i remember talking to my mom about it uh like a few years down the line she said there was a massive there was a massive complaints in my school and like uh uh parents were very angry

that the teacher had even broached the subject and it's like what do you want your kids to do at school they're supposed to learn so that's why I kind of I wish I was funnier about it but I just felt quite sorry for her she seemed like a good teacher Lauren I know I find it baffling because I think of the amount of art galleries I've either been forced to go to on a school trip or you know when you find yourself as a comedian in a different city and you think what can I do that's free and warm as you head to an art gallery I must have seen so many titties and willies so many and I've never looked at like a renaissance painting and thought actually that's quite hot i'm gonna go have to take myself off and have a little

a little sort of debrief like i've never felt so if these parents genuinely think that like not even seeing it in the real but just seeing a picture of michelangelo's david is going to be enough to like turn their children into these sex-ravaged beings. That must have been their concern, that it was going to do something, like overstimulate them or something. I think it's baffling. It just feels like upside-downsy world to me

because surely the whole point of art galleries is for people to drag you around going, look at it, look at it, it'll be good for you. Also, David's not that not that like he's a normal the penis size is like of a normal it's not it's not like he's going full hog down there or anything like that it's just a normal penis you know i did look it up very detailed and all i could think was because obviously it took him a long time to like sculpt that didn't he yeah i wonder what percentage of the time like is that a bit that he was like right I kind of don't

want to spend too much time sculpting this penis like bit weird to just be sculpting penis all day or was that something he was like no I'm gonna get this bit bang this is gonna be the focal point the art like how much time was devoted to to the sculpting of the actual penis that's what i want to know oh i'd say loads i'd say loads you know i'd say absolutely though no i feel like it's one of those things that you kind of rough it out from the heart i think because you know if it's not perfect you're like that's the personality, right? He's character. You've got a character actor's penis, you know? Your penis is like Steve Buscemi.

Wasn't it Michelangelo who was very famous when asked how he made his sculptures? He just said, everything that isn't penis I take away. Yeah, I believe that's true. I want that on a T-shirt. That needs to be like motivational merchandise. And now it's time for your reviews. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars.

I understand, Alison, that you've got a show and tell for this week's review. Oh, Alice, it's more of a just hearing the excitement of my voice i'm gonna put i'm gonna play you this and you have to guess you have to guess uh what i was seeing oh holy moly wow well there was a toot toot there. It's a steam train baby! You're a king!

Pure power! Making my steam dreams come true! Oh wow! Woah! Oh my gosh. Yes! I saw a steam train. I was confronted with a steam train at Machlanla Festival.

Well, just outside it. And I had to do a gig in a train shed. But I was allowed to ride on the steam train, both in the front bit, where all the coal and the fire is, and then in where the seats are. And it was the greatest experience of my life. I started making noises I never thought were possible. Like, holy guacamole and stuff,

which is something I never say normally. But it was incredible because the steam train, have you ever been on a steam train, guys? No, but I would love to. Oh, well, the best thing is when they pull the brakes on it and, you know, it stopped, the train itself... Sorry. No, I love that bit about that sentence, but I enjoy it. Well, the train kind of...

Because it's chugging along so much and the fire is still going, it kind of pants like a dog because it's beenugging along so much and the fire is still going and it kind of pants like a dog because it's been going for so long and and and it kind of when it calms down it makes these massive noises like and i just love that from machinery and there's something inside me that really wants to be chased by a steam train because like i think i could outrun it, and if I couldn't, I'd just, like, run to the side, I'd be fine. You know, that's how I feel about steam trains. I love them, I love them. I'm going to try and be around more steam trains in my life, I've decided.

Like, it's like swimming with a dolphin for me. Except, you know, except the train isn't sentient and in pain while I'm just waving a laugh. Five out of five. So five out of five for the steam train. Chew, chew. And Lauren, have you brought in anything for us this week? Yes, I'm giving five stars to Falling Asleep With The Dog.

I think it is perfect. I hate falling asleep on the sofa because I feel guilty I feel like I've you know wasted an hour of my life or whatever I feel like I'm not being a good adult because I'm like I've fallen asleep on the sofa like that's really that's really bad falling asleep with the dog on the sofa bonding experience comforting uh extra warmth in a cost of living crisis yes please I fell asleep on the sofa with the dog last night and when I woke up it was just the most content I think I've ever felt in a long time because I just woke up spooning this like essential real life teddy bear he was happy because he just had

some great bonding time some serotonin I didn't feel guilty because I was like I'm actually enriching my dog's life right here five stars falling asleep with the dog no guilt no guilt just pure bonding I love it and does your dog like does your dog snore or anything like what kind of bed partner goodness so he does snow but apparently the other night I didn't hear this because I was spark out as well my boyfriend apparently lay awake listening to the dog snow so loudly that he thought the dog was in the bed he was prepared to wake me up and be like i've told you lauren the dog can't come in the bed the dog was in his bed on the other side of the room but just absolute for a dog so small he has got some big boy snores in him he loves it but i like it when he snores because i'm like

well he's obviously comfy and happy and he's dreaming of dog things I don't know what he dreams of probably a better life no when when I snore people are like do you have a medical problem because I snore and I like cut off very quick and they're like she's not breathing she's not breathing so I like to to sleep and make everybody fear. That's my favorite thing. Like a newborn baby. That's how you know you love them. Yeah, that's it. You spend your first three weeks in absolute terror that they're about to die.

So Alison, maybe this is just a sign that you're very loved. I am. I am. And now it's time for our third penis-related story of the week. It's been a very penis-heavy set of stories that have been sent in by our roving gargle reporters. I don't find them, but people do send them to me. This is the story that a Dutch court on Friday ordered a man to stop jizzing.

Well, specifically to stop donating his sperm. He had allegedly fathered between 500 and 600 children. Real Attila the Hun vibe there. And he's been ordered by a court to not donate any more semen to clinics. We're full. As we say in Australia, f*** off, we're full. So he's going to have to do the rest of it manually

or penis-y-ally oh my god has anyone told this man that like he can get free pornography on the internet he doesn't have to go to a clinic he can like he can wank on his own time he doesn't even need pornography

like you know the imagination is fine he must be really into clinics he must be really into waiting rooms into the admin that must be foreplay for him you know well i mean this is not his first uh infraction if you can call it that because in 2017 he was banned from donating to dutch fertility clinics where he'd already fathered over 100 children and then he continued to donate abroad including uh to danish sperm banks and other countries so he's an international criminal he's spreading that seed all over i do think there's maybe a conspiracy going on though because i don't know if you saw but they've asked him to

write to the clinics abroad to destroy the samples they've got i'm thinking is his um seed just too powerful like do they know something we don't and are they like no we must destroy all evidence this man cannot breed it will be it will create like too powerful an offspring the world is not ready get rid of all his samples his offspring is his offspring's offspring because at this rate, you won't be able to marry anyone your age. Exactly. He's going to be responsible for a whole generation of Dutch children not being able to date

because they're like, there's a strong chance we're related. Yeah, they'll be like, oh, Jim, I see you as a brother. No, literally, I've looked up our DNA. We are brother and sister. He's trying to sibling zone all of uh all of holland you know what a terrifying thing to do and i just that's not a healthy person i

don't think i mean psychologically speaking i don't think that's a healthy person i mean seemingly speaking must be very healthy i mean that would be that would be uh he must be hoarding it like but i know they've said they're gonna um fine him if he does it again imagine if it gets to the point where like he just ignores all the fines he's like i don't care you can't stop me i'm miley cyrus i can't be tamed yeah and what if he ends up like going to can you imagine going to prison because you've jizzed too much like imagine that being the reason that you're sent well what are you in here for well i just couldn't stop donating to sperm clinics now all of uh every dutch person is related and here i am just as soon as he hears the click of like a little medical jar you know for any kind of sample bang he's in there gone putting the pain to philanthropist well i think anytime i'm asked

by a doctor to do you know like a wee sample or something my entire body just goes oh we've forgotten how to do that we on command no couldn't possibly i'm quite impressed that he doesn't get like the stage right and he's just like yep wham bam in the pot no problem i'd get i'd get scared he's probably not had the touch of a human in quite a while i think he is attracted to those sample parts yeah i think that's what it is and he wants like a socially acceptable way for him to you know, f*** a sample pot and I know you bleep it out, wait there for him to make love to a sample pot is that better?

as a figure to make sweet love to sample pots and stuff he must be, I mean how could none of us have donated sperm but do we know what the process is like like i want to know the ins and outs i want to see a vlogger talk about donating jizz like they do about going to disneyland

you know here's the queue uh you know get ready with me to donate it's an odd mixture of of sort of arrogance and self-doubt, which says I would make a great father as long as I'm not involved. I'm wondering, he must think he has great attributes. Yes, but none of them are sticking around and looking after his children. Yeah, I know a few of those. I know a few of those. Oh, my gosh.

Well, I'm sure he's made some families very happy, so, you know, mixed bag, as I call his testicles. It's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag. Now it's time for your ivf news this is the one counterbalancing story uh which is the story that china is weighing up whether it ought to give single women ivf access um to things like sperm banks and we're not we're not talking to this dutch man about it lest he repopulate china um but they're trying to slow their demographic decline in China,

and they're suggesting that they might allow single mothers to exist, which, you know, obviously they already do, but single mothers on purpose going to sperm banks and deciding to do it that way. They would be able to take paid maternity leave and receive child subsidies that were previously available only to married couples um lauren you have a dog uh so you know what it's like to look after another creature how do you feel about this i think it is a really good so i don't know and this is my own ignorance i didn't know that that wasn't already a thing like i'd

never considered like maybe it is in other countries i don't know that that wasn't already a thing like I'd never considered like maybe it is in other countries I don't know but I'd never considered that if you're a single like a single woman that that option might be off the cards for you in or at least in some places I think it's great I think it's a really good idea especially if they're having like a population decline anyway they're gonna need need the babies who gets shit done single woman single women they will carry out that task no problem they'll get it done they'll get it done quickly efficiently i think i think it's a real and it's very empowering as well i think like i was gonna say it it sort of sums up the whole you don't need a man but obviously you do because you need the but you don't need them to be there that's great yeah yeah as like what's interesting about this is like um that

china have had the one child policy for so many years because of the massive increase in population and now they are um now now they are worried about know, looking after the people that are older. So I believe we're in the find out stage of the f*** around and find out. Yeah. With population increases and decreases. For me, I was thinking, as you said, Alice, like there is one solution and that guy needs to emigrate from the Netherlands to China. There's how many billion people are in China now? I think it's over one billion.

I think there's quite a lot of people there. So, yeah, it's good that single women are able to get IVF and maternity leave. If I'm being frank, they should have got paid maternity leave before that like you know if you're you're only entitled to it if you're married to get paid maternity leave so you're already like it just it's nice that like China isn't

punishing single moms that was great yeah I think it's fantastic I think it's a fantastic news for everyone except the one man who's now been banned from donating sperm. Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequence of his actions. This is why you can't have nice things. Yeah, unfortunately, in about 18 years,

a lot of people are going to be knocking on his door. There'll be a line around the block of like... Oh, imagine his day, like, Father's Day for him. All the cards. He could live in a house of the cards that he receives on Father's Day. And at Christmas, he gets so many pairs of socks and, like, you know, little golf accessories, even though he's not into golf,

but his children don't know him well enough to know whether he's into golf or not, which is like every family, even if you live with a dad. Like, I don't know how many hobbies my dad has, you know? I mean, he's going to get those mugs that say, technically, world's number one dad, because he's the first dad,

but he's not their real dad. Their real dad's the one who showed up and actually raised them, you know? That's true. That's true. The world's number one dad in numbers well that's all the time we have for this week um flipping through the ads at the back have you got anything to plug lauren um i have a lot of live shows coming up like gigs and things so if you just follow me on Instagram

is probably the best bet because Twitter is a ship that has sank firmly into the dick of icebergs, hasn't it? So on Instagram, which is just at Lauren Patterson. I'm at Alison Spittel on Instagram. There's a link tree there in the bio.

And I'm playing the 10th of May in Soho Theatre. I'm doing a show Wet. You can come along and see that. There are tickets still available. And also the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I'm doing a show called Soup. It's going to be on a monkey barrel at 1.25 in the Hive

every day. So bring some Vicks Vaporub and rub it under your nose because I hear the place stinks. But it's going to be fun. Yeah. And we have an enormous number of roving reporters this week. Frank Grimey Grimes,

John Lucas, Kangla Bonkera, Rod Funk, PK, Lauren Nirenberg, Robin Shantz, and Michelle Brazier all sent in the Iceberg Dick story.

Wow. Sealips sent in the Iceberg Dick story. Wow. Sealips sent in the Michelangelo's David story. John Taylor, Kang the Bronco and Henning Strzok sent in the Jizz King story. So if you would like to counterbalance this wave of dick-based stories, you can tweet us at HelloGogglers with any stories you'd like us to cover here on this august publication. Also, we have a gargle live happening in edinburgh on the august the 15th and the 22nd if you would like to come

to watch the gargle happening in real life go to the bugle podcast dot com slash live we will have memorial batteries for you to eat I can tell you when you said jizz King, I was like,

Jizz King, that's a high street eatery I'll never visit. Figures next door to the sperm donation bank. I'm Alice Fraser. You can find me online at patreon.com slash alicefraser. It's a one-stop shop full of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs, as well

as my weekly writers' meetings if you'd like to join a writers' meeting with me at patreon.com slash alicefraser. And this is a Bugle podcast, an Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week.

You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, Catharsis, Tiny Revolutions, Top Stories, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.