The Gargle - Egg thrower | Roman stylus | Satanic erotica

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

Alison Spittle and John-Luke Roberts join host Alice Fraser for episode 28 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!🥚 Serial egg thrower caught✍️ Elabo...rately inscribed Roman stylus 🇸🇻 El Salvador's legal tender Bitcoin crashes👹 Priest falls for writer of Satanic eroticaThis is a show from The Bugle. Follow us on Twitter.This episode was produced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. There's an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. Although I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours. Maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable. I simply am not there. Who is there is Alice Fraser, me, the host of The Gargle,
Starting point is 00:01:48 which is the podcast you're listening to. What is The Gargle, you ask, defying my expectation that you would already know some part of the premise before or during the download process? I don't know your life. Maybe you're like the guy in Memento and need a reminder. The Gargle, this podcast, is the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world.
Starting point is 00:02:05 All of the news, none of the politics. Welcome to this week's edition. Your guest editors for The Gargle this week are Alison Spittel and John Luke Roberts. Welcome. Hello. I'm very happy to be here. This is fun. I'm also very happy to be here, not to be outdone by Alison. I'm happy to be here, not to be outdone by Alison. We're going to plunge into the magazine, but let's have a look at the front cover this week,
Starting point is 00:02:33 which is Jamie Spears, the father of Britney Spears, posing provocatively behind a legal fig leaf as he coyly unpeels his cold fingers from their 13-year death grip on her finances and personal life. Mmm, spicy. Well, it's like he's not as bad a family member as asparagus beers, who has made Britney's piss smell very different for the past 30 foot.
Starting point is 00:02:51 That's a weird joke I just made up now, and I'm sorry. It's a very serious situation and free Britney, but also asparagus makes your pee smell funny. I want free asparagus. Yeah, don't we all? It's quite an expensive vegetable. Yeah. I mean, unusually It's quite an expensive vegetable. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:06 I mean, unusually expensive for a vegetable, really. Yeah, yeah. What does it think it is, you know? Especially when you snap off the bottom and throw it away. Exactly. You know, they say cheap as chips, right? Which is a processed form of a vegetable. So the vegetable itself has to be cheaper than the chips.
Starting point is 00:03:23 Potatoes? Yes. Sorry, I was just showing my knowledge there. Chips. I made it for potatoes. Sorry, I thought you were doing a slur against me. I was like, John, this is a bit early. Speaking of caricatures, the satirical cartoon this week
Starting point is 00:03:36 is a long line of people and pets with roundworm and shingles being turned away from a pharmacy selling ivermectin, looking wormy and confused. And now into the magazine. Section one is our community section. This is our community section covering the very serious event of an egg attack in Chicago. John Luke Roberts, you know eggs.
Starting point is 00:04:01 Tell us a little bit more about this serial egg thrower. God, if anyone knows eggs, I know eggs. Blimey, do I know eggs. Tell us a little bit more about this serial egg thrower. God, if anyone knows eggs, I know eggs. Blimey, do I know eggs. I've seen them, all different sizes, different animals make the different eggs, and it's all to do with bumholes. How big your bumhole is, that's how big the egg is. I'm not sure that's quite true. I think it's also something to do with the inner workings of the creature. Look, it's not just an egg attack. This is a series of two years' worth of egg attacks in North... Or this is how it's being painted. In Chicago, the north and northwest side of Chicago, there's been all these egg attacks, and people went on Facebook and said,
Starting point is 00:04:33 has anyone noticed these egg attacks? And they went, yeah, I've noticed these egg attacks. And then they decided to find the people who did the egg attacks, and the egg attacks all happened from a company van. So they've traced it to the company and somebody's been fired but the um that that's more or less that's the story that's the stories it's been painted but personally i don't think there's nothing to prove that this is egg attacks i think it's a robin hood story about a man trying to redistribute eggs he's just fluffing it at the
Starting point is 00:05:00 last minute he's trying to take eggs from the rich give them to the poor but he fumbles and then there's eggs on the floor smashed and that's one thing you know about eggs they do smash when they fall off so i think it's understandable understandable it's perfectly understandable comprehensible comprehensible not a bit reprehensible which is of course musical chicago the musical on which the city of Chicago was based. There's a Facebook group which sort of sleuthed out this egg incident. It's called Chicago Egg Hunters. It has more than 500 members,
Starting point is 00:05:34 and it was founded by a man called Moshe Tamsat, who says that he hopes that he can provide an example of how a community can fight back. And if the community doesn't fight back in the movie that will inevitably be made of this incident with a massive egg fight i will be deeply disappointed yeah that's you don't do it just by going you did it didn't you yeah i did it all right allison well it's quite nice that they didn't name the person that did it nor did they name the company and i feel like that's the modern way now to get justice because i feel like you know sometimes when you see justice happening on the internet and then you're like oh that's a bit too
Starting point is 00:06:14 much justice now this feels a bit like bullying and uh i'm delighted i'm delighted that justice has been done and the hero of the of the story can make themselves known and as well as that like um it's i used to do this i used to throw eggs at my headmaster for the house let he who has not thrown eggs throw the first egg exactly exactly that is that is that's in the bible i say christ turn around with lots of egg covered on it and And he's like, guys, this is not what I was teaching. That's why Easter has an egg thing. Yes, that is it. That is it.
Starting point is 00:06:52 And it's an incredible story. It reminds me of a time where I got catcalled from a van. And the van, unfortunately, catcalled me and then went into a red light. So I had to wait there and i took a picture of them and i've never seen a man get so scared of my life and i was like i was laughing at him while looking backwards walking away god ah ha ha you wanker and i walked into a lamppost and i felt like justice was done for both of us i didn't need to do anymore nor did he i felt karmically we both came out of a draw there so it's a good story that is the most adorable meet cute i've ever heard
Starting point is 00:07:34 what between allison and the lamppost your ad section now because a longing for more doesn't just cultivate itself and this episode of the podcast is brought to you by you yes you your attention is our commodity and if we can't indiscriminately sell that precious resource onwards in bulk to advertisers what's the point of living in an information economy you you're the girl getting into the nightclub for free because you're not the consumer quit you*** it, you're the product. Oh, that's so grim. And that's the slogan. Yep, that is. That's the tagline on the tagline. And if you're a hot girl who's just gotten into a nightclub for free, it's
Starting point is 00:08:16 entirely possible people will be offering to buy you drinks. The truly tasteful young lady will flex her survival instinct by making her order just half a glass of water. Half a glass of water. Half a glass of water. You can down them all night and in a small way do your part to fight the grotesque gendered sexual exchange economy at the same time. Half a glass of water. Drink the revolution. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Satanists.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Satanists, the kid in school who decided to be shocking for fun because conforming is for idiots and then realised there was a profound moral point to be made and started community organizing without giving up on body modification satanist they're way more chill than their earrings would imply acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided rivalry and a performance enhancing broom it was a year i'd like to forget broom gate available now a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Now it's time for your history section. This is our souvenir history section. Alison Spittel, you've bought cheap, tacky souvenirs for people in the past. Can you unpack this story for us? Oh, have I? Have I?
Starting point is 00:10:08 So this is a story about basically Bloomberg were building their new European HQ. And it was on the banks of the estuary of the Thames, right? And before you have to build, you have to look under, see if there's any shit underneath that you might want to keep. And oh my gosh, there was quite a lot of stuff the bloomberg dig uncovered more than 14 000 artifacts right revealing what life was like for the first londoners and this included the first ever written reference to the name of the city 600 of the finds are now on display at the london now i don't know how to pronounce this but i'm gonna go i'm gonna give it a go mifraum
Starting point is 00:10:42 mifraum it's that's that's go. Mithraum. Mithraum. That's better than Mithraum. I say that with certainty, but I've never heard it said. So it's one of those things that you only ever see read. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. And the way I was saying it, it sounded like a question as well.
Starting point is 00:10:59 I was like, Mithraum? Sounds a bit like a cat. It was. Asking a question. I think it's after Mithras, the god Mithras. And so I'm assuming that you would say the Mithra bit. Anyway, sorry, carry on. No, no.
Starting point is 00:11:12 But this is what they found. They found 200 styluses, right, recovered from the site. And these styluses had little bits of writing on them. And it's basically the first ever version of Taurus' tat. And there's a little joke on this stylus. And I won't read what the Roman, what the Latin is, but I will read you the, what do they call it? Inscription.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Translation. Yes! Translation! Both are perfectly great words. The translation of the inscription on this iron stylus, this specific one that's special. Oh, the translation of the inscription on this iron stylus this specific one that's special the translation of the inscription on the stylus from the past well it says i have come from the city i bring you a welcome gift with a sharp point that you may remember me i ask if fortune allowed that i may be able to give as generously as the way is long as my purse is empty so basically that joke is about i you know
Starting point is 00:12:07 could have got you a nicer gift but i was only able to get you this little stylus as i am as you know and i as you and i know we're both i am poor like i think that's what they were trying to say there but i i would love if they found an inscription that says uh double jabbed and ready to f**k because that would uh you know that would be a very a very prescient piece of tourist hat double jabbed and ready to jab yes exactly i did see a man wear that t-shirt and like um it did it did make me attracted to him because i was like what's he got to lose? Do you know what I mean? It was quite... I mean, having spent money on that T-shirt, possibly his virginity.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Yeah. I just like a person that knows what they want, you know, and is informative as well. I mean, that T-shirt could be read as false advertising because there's no way that every minute of the day that he's wearing that T-shirt, he's ready to f's ready to yeah like maybe he's just had a burrito like nobody's able to do that well hang on hang on hang on you're making some huge assumptions about how much of the day he's wearing this t-shirt for he might be like really in tune with himself and
Starting point is 00:13:18 thinking right i'm taking it off now i'm not currently and then 15 minutes later oh actually you know i could i could i could put it back on you just saw him for one minute of the day you know come on let's give the guy some credit here I need to follow him and see that would be a great meet cute like when you're telling your children
Starting point is 00:13:38 like how you met I was mildly disturbed by your father's t-shirt and wanted to know more I think it would be more disturbing if you met him when he had the Mildly disturbed by your father's T-shirt and wanted to know more. I think it'd be more disturbing if you met him when he had the T-shirt off and then during the conversation he slowly started putting it off. That kind of T-shirt with an inscription on, with like a joke that says something about the person wearing it, I always find an incredibly aggressive move.
Starting point is 00:14:04 I think the only excuse for having a t-shirt that's like that is if someone vomited on your t-shirt and you just needed to buy something from a tourist stall. If you're already in Camden markets and then something very Camden-y happens on your shirt, then you're allowed to buy that t-shirt. I live really near Camden market. I saw a t-shirt. This is before the pandemic. So I don't know if it's still there. I was looking for it.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Probably cut up for masks by now. Yeah, I hope it was. It was a t-shirt that said, I can lose the weight, but can you lose the face? But this t-shirt was a double S. So it was extra, extra small. So I'm like, who's wearing this t-shirt? Who said I can do more it's uh i know what it is it's a weightlifter who's walking around carrying weights
Starting point is 00:14:52 and uh that's it an xxs weightlifter it's a small market and in our current history being made right now news, the Swale Council, the Swale in Kent, Swale Council is trying to quash planning decisions that they contend were issued in error by a junior staff member, which is to say that they clearly gave it to the junior staff member expecting that they would be competent and not that they would reject these applications
Starting point is 00:15:24 by calling them, quote whack and now they're left to scrabble for their pants as it were having delegated unwisely. John Luke Roberts you're into council planning can you explain this story? I can because it's actually even stupider than that they set up they were testing the website software. And in order to, they didn't think these were being published. So a junior member of staff was testing whether or not the website was working with the planning applications. And writing on things like whack and incy wincy spider. And oh my God, I can't believe I've been given this much responsibility.
Starting point is 00:16:01 But he actually, they got published on the website. So there's five planning applications which legally are now binding so an animal sanctuary has been turned down for planning with the word this is whack and that and now the Swale Council have to spend I think eight thousand pounds going through legal procedures through a judicial system to get this removed so they can then do them properly again but some have been passed some of these planning applications have been passed like demolishing a pub to build some flats and now they they i presume knowing what planning people are like will try and build these flats as
Starting point is 00:16:39 quickly as possible before they get the judicial review through saying no no that was just we were just testing whether if you clicked on a thing another thing happened it turns out if you clicked on thing this third thing happened and we didn't really want that to be the thing that happens when you click on the thing well i mean backing up slightly this this ranch that they're talking about i can understand why the first thought of this junior planner was to call it whack because it's called the happy pants ranch which is Ranch, which the proposal is a retrospective application for the change of use of land from agricultural to animal rescue, including new stock, fencing and gates, blah, blah, blah,
Starting point is 00:17:14 small animal houses. But if you were applying for being able to do things with animals and the name of your place was the Happy Pants Ranch, I would have some questions. Yeah, it sounds like a legal brothel in Reno or something like that. You know, you're very welcome to the Happy Pants Ranch, you know, where it's just like giving handjobs. Actually, I'd love to run a brothel that's just handjobs.
Starting point is 00:17:41 That would be a good... Sorry. It's a good time-s saving method because you can do two clients at one time exactly exactly i'm gonna bring that to dragon's den next year is that called ambidextrous ambidextrous alice i think you're both very rude i don't see why pants don't deserve to be happy they deserve happiness like all the rest of us do i like my my pants to be neutral, like my T-shirts, you know? That's the perfect way to have it. I can lose these pants, but can you lose your face?
Starting point is 00:18:17 That's all the time we have for our history section because now it's time for your reviews. Every week our guest editors bring in something to review out of five stars. John Luke Roberts, your eyes are turned to the heavens. Tell us what you've brought in to review. I was looking down at my notes. But because you're in Australia, I guess that is true.
Starting point is 00:18:35 You did that very quickly. Well done. Yes, I'd like to do a film review this week. That's okay? Yes. I will be reviewing the medium of film. So film is like these pictures, but there's lots of them in a row.
Starting point is 00:18:48 And if you look at them, it seems like something's moving. There's some films which are very bad and some films which are very good or which are very bad on the other day. But I kind of enjoyed it because there were a lot of more successful comedians than me in it looking awful
Starting point is 00:19:03 because it was so bad. So that was a little treat and so i give film three out of five and uh if you like film you'll love music it's like film but without the pictures i give music uh two out of five because it doesn't have the pictures alice and spittle what have you brought into review? Alice, I wanted to review worms, generally. Worms, there's so many different types of worms. There's the tape worm. There's gummy worm.
Starting point is 00:19:33 I've had both in me at some point. But, yeah, I wanted to give worms a five out of five. I think they're underrated. I want to overrate them if it wasn't for worms uh we wouldn't have life itself they they make the soil clean and uh they're little cute they're little cute cute little lads considering they have no eyes do they have eyes they have no visible eyes anyway so yeah i'm giving worms uh five out of five. And yeah. I will fight anyone that says different.
Starting point is 00:20:08 There we go. I think they're also hermaphroditic, aren't they? Yeah, you can cut them in half. They won't even hold that against you. They'll be like, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for breaking me from this loneliness. I'm not sure being hermaphrodite means being okay with being cut in half. Finally, binary gender.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Thank you, Alison. Thank you. Finally. I don't like Abigurdi. Thank you, Alison. Five out of five. And then you cut in half and it becomes two separate fives so ten out of five ten out of five that's it it's perfect that is all the time we have for our review section because
Starting point is 00:20:53 now it's time for our sexy literature section i am not unfortunately talking about dancy lagarde in this instance but i am talking about some satanic erotica. Alison Spittel, you were brought up Catholic. Can you unpack this story for us? I was brought up Catholic. And yeah, when this story came through, I was like, this is incredible because it has everything I love in a story. And that is erotica and Catholicism.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Someone leaving the Catholic church is my favorite thing. This is basically about this bishop. He was the youngest bishop, I think, in the world. He's quite the hot shot within the Catholic Church. He left the Catholic Church because he fell in love
Starting point is 00:21:40 with a woman that writes satanic erotica. This is incredible uh this is like please please get me out of the catholic church said the bishop to the satanic erotic novelist you know you know that old saying this guy xavier novelle which sounds like a character of a dancy lagarde uh novel uh he's he was recommended an exorcism by Pope Francis. Do you know how bad you have to be to be recommended an exorcism by the Pope? That's like Tony the Tiger telling you to get a diabetes test.
Starting point is 00:22:17 You listen to that person. You know what I mean? This is incredible. So basically, long story short, Hotshot Bishop was really into lots of uh weird aspects of the catholic church such as like he was very in support of conversion therapy which a lot of catholic church are against like he was he was he was a deep in it uh bishop he wasn't just a fleeting bishop like this bishop was you know he was moving diagonally as far up the ladder as he could go
Starting point is 00:22:45 exactly that's brilliant that's really and i love the way in this uh article not only is this woman like she is a uh she is a satanist she's into satanism she writes uh erotic fiction it also says here uh her name is sylvia cabal cabal right and it says here miss her name is Sylvia Cabalol, right? And it says here, Miss Cabalol, a divorcee. It's out there, like, not only is she all of this, but she's also divorced. She's a divorcee, she's a psychologist, and she's a writer of erotic novels,
Starting point is 00:23:18 including the erotic trilogy Amnesia, which is, interestingly enough, just the same book written three times. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. amnesia which is interestingly enough just the same book written three times this this is the ultimate christian mingle this is amazing that these people have found each other and you know what i'm very happy for them let them let them be off go off and be happy like you know the church obviously wasn't working for him um i just i i know it's hard it's not um a nice thing to do but i do imagine them shagging and i'm very happy for them they're the only couple i do and i'm like good for you i'm just i'm just vicariously living for this bishop now well i mean she seems to in
Starting point is 00:23:57 her novels eroticize the idea of the struggle between good and evil and i can just imagine that being someone's kink and in this case both of their kinks and it's not it's not often that you find someone who matches you so perfectly in their desire to role play I'll be the angel and you be the demon trying to tempt me to give you a anyway I'm just saying I could write that novel it this this I'd say is probably the biggest achievement she'll ever have in her life no matter what happens with her books or anything like that, she can go back to the writers' group and go, pull the bishop, mate.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Pull the bishop. And the Pope personally asked him to have an exorcism. Nah, still, he's off a beat. Like, that is, that's incredible. That's the biggest secret boost ever. I think there's room for her to progress from this. She could bag a cardinal. You know, there's still space for growth.
Starting point is 00:24:47 Yeah, that's true. Work her way up. Well, it is that thing where, you know, sometimes if you look at somebody's ex and they're incredibly successful and attractive, that's an ego boost. And, I mean, if someone's ex is Jesus, that's a big ego boost. The thing which mainly, like, confused me about about this because i was also raised uh catholic and i think it's just a bit rich to like say get out of the catholic church you you you you fall
Starting point is 00:25:13 in love with somebody who who writes uh sadomasochistic erotic literature there's the catholic church is based on a book of sadomasochistic erotic literature. There is no reason for Jesus to have abs. No. His carpentry days are long behind him. He's just been going around giving lectures. He's got as much fish and loaves as he wants to eat. That is not a man with abs.
Starting point is 00:25:40 He's just a chilled out rabbi. Oh, he probably surfs. That's how he gets them. So that's all the time we have for that section now it's time for our bitcoin section my favorite section of almost every gargle because bitcoin news just keeps on happening as you know bitcoin is an elegant programming solution for the problem of how to create a distributed decentralized method of exchange which is mainly censorship resistant unless you introduce human error which we always do that is the human error is introducing human error every
Starting point is 00:26:10 time someday when it gets better scalability security and resource efficiency cryptocurrency might come in useful something other than what it is now being used for almost exclusively evading the law and speculation. But that might all change because El Salvador has just declared Bitcoin legal tender. John Luke Roberts, you know about imaginary money. Can you explain this story? Yes. Well, maybe. I can use words like digital wallet,
Starting point is 00:26:40 but when I say blockchain, like I can say them. But I've not got i'd like it's i don't know they've decided to make uh a bitcoin specifically not dogecoin uh a legal currency in el salvador um and on the day they did it the government digital wallet thing crashed which is you know great uh that's fun it's fun that that happened. They didn't really think it through. This is the last time they moved from their – to be honest, this is all I care about about this story. In 2001, they moved to the US dollar because their own currency,
Starting point is 00:27:16 they no longer wanted to use it. And their own currency was called the Salvadorian colon. They had a currency called the colon. I don't know why. I mean, it's brilliant. They called it that. They had a currency called the colon. That's, I don't know why, I mean, it's brilliant. They called it that, they kept it that. It's brilliant, particularly if half a colon is a semicolon. Yeah, brilliant. Yes, fantastic. Yeah, that's more or less it. The more exciting news for me is that Liechtenstein has applied to be the first country to exist only online. So that's exciting. Well, this is the great thing about
Starting point is 00:27:46 the El Salvadorian adoption of Bitcoin as its currency. It's brought great joy to crypto bros all over the world who've just been waiting for the point at which their imaginary money can cross over into real world utility. And they've found out that the place that that will happen is in El Salvador. It's like finding out where the daughter Narnia is. But my favorite part about this story is the El Salvadorian leader who he just looks like one of those weird hustle culture bros on YouTube who's trying to sell you an online course in social media business marketing. Like he's just got he's got the facial hair. He's got the aggressive energy. He's got the unshakable belief in Bitcoin. I don't know if this makes the El Salvadorian government
Starting point is 00:28:30 seem more or less trustworthy, but I'm excited to find out how this goes. There was one other weird bit about it, which is that they've set up ATMs where you can go to turn your Bitcoins into solid money. And that seems, isn't that, I don't know much about Bitcoin, as I've sort of explained, or not really explained, but isn't that just coin, not Bitcoin? I mean, the premise, right, the very premise, the etymological premise of the Bitcoin is
Starting point is 00:28:58 that they used to bite coins to check if they were real or not. But you just have to assume that they've already been bit right right that's it because what is the difference between a bitcoin billionaire and someone who just says they're a bitcoin billionaire yeah there is no difference is there there's no difference at all except in el salvador el salvador they gave the government to to kind of like uh El Salvador, they gave the government to kind of like get the public on board because the public are vastly against this in El Salvador. There's been lots of polls where they're like not into it at all. But haven't they given them like a free 20 quid?
Starting point is 00:29:35 I think the equivalent of 20 pounds in their little digital wallet, like every person in El Salvador. It's like you've just walked into a casino. Yeah, isn't it? I like that. I mean, I don't like my government in Britain, but if you gave me 20 quid, I'd eat my words for a few minutes.
Starting point is 00:29:54 You know, I'd be like, he did give me 20 quid. I know he's trying to kill the poor and he's responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths, but, you know, 20 quid, it's quite the, you know, it's quite the quite the present it's uh yeah and then have you read the article that there's sky have talked about this and it's
Starting point is 00:30:11 very interesting one of my favorite quotes is like uh we don't know the currency we don't know where it's from we don't know if it's going to bring us profit or loss we don't know anything and this is from claudia melina who sells t-shirts and souvenirs and i love that that's who they asked they're like this is the person that we want like a souvenir seller uh to ask about bitcoin and it's it's like it's do you know what her opinion is as correct as that uh the president or anyone do you know i would love to hear my news through the prism of a souvenir seller like i i do think that would be a good thing to do like that stylus yes i bought that i want all like my history and modern news all in the form of of souvenirs yeah double jabbed
Starting point is 00:30:58 and ready to someone's gonna find that in you know two thousand years and go what happened here and they're like oh there was a virus that went through the you know went through the nation well that's all the time we have for that section because that's the end of the show i'm afraid we're going to flip through the ads at the back of the magazine uh and here is an ad for a joe biden you can you can buy a joe biden which is to say a man that you can build piece by piece beginning with the teeth, which is good. And there's an ad here for the reclamation
Starting point is 00:31:31 of the phrase shark infested, which should only be applied if you have a lot of sharks in the walls of a domestic land dwelling. Otherwise, sharks are where they're meant to be. You can't have shark infested waters unless it's a bath, I guess. Anywhere that is wet where there's a shark, that's where the shark is meant to be you can't have shark infested waters that's unless it's a bath i guess anywhere that is wet that where there's a shark that's where the shark is meant to be pulling an infestation
Starting point is 00:31:50 is rude at best allison have you got something to plug yeah i'm doing a tour of ireland in early october i'm gonna be at avarice with in early october as well glasgow comedy festival i'm gonna be there in october i'm on the internet at Alison Spittel at the moment on Instagram and on Twitter I have a podcast called Wheel of Misfortune with Fern Brady
Starting point is 00:32:10 and a very old podcast called The Alison Spittel Show I'm going to give that some love too thank you very much for letting me promote myself Alice and laughing at my jokes
Starting point is 00:32:18 that's nice I really appreciate it John Luke Roberts have you got anything to plug? first of all please could you sign up to my mailing list
Starting point is 00:32:25 on donnalukeroberts.co.uk if you have any interest in me because I'm sick of going onto social media to try and plug things because I hate it
Starting point is 00:32:33 it's bad for my head I have a podcast called Soundteep which is the podcast of too many podcasts and the whole first season is now out and please listen to that
Starting point is 00:32:42 and if you like leave a review because why not it helps i think i don't know it does help unfortunately for us all social media numbers and download numbers and five star reviews on any of our work does help because people who commission stuff look at those numbers so if you like anything that any of us have ever done go back and leave a five star review on whatever platform you have access to yeah right so please i'd rather you listened to my podcast but if you haven't got time go to itunes and and give a five
Starting point is 00:33:09 star review and uh and and review what you think it probably is yeah yeah or just tell people if you like something that you like that thing that also helps uh i'm alice frazier you can find me online at at alliterative on twitter and instagram that's a-l-i-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E. Or sign up for my Patreon, patreon.com slash Alice Fraser. That's a one-stop shop for all of my stand-up specials, podcasts, blogs, and my weekly Tea with Alice salons
Starting point is 00:33:32 where we just have a nice little chat. This is a Bugle podcast and Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'm Alice Fraser, and I'll talk to you next week. You can listen to other programmes from The Bugle
Starting point is 00:33:46 including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle wherever you find your podcasts.

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