The Gargle - Elon's robots | Edible QR | Gender reveal
Episode Date: October 6, 2022Josh Gondelman and Eleanor Morton join host Alice Fraser for episode 82 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast - with no politics! 🤖 Elon's friendly robots👨🏻🍳 Edible QR c...odes🚻 Waterfall gender reveal 🤼♂️ Zuck's private UFC fight🏀 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. SUBSCRIBE TO TOP STORIES: https://pod.link/TopStories Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This is a podcast from The Gargle. Welcome to The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for Visual World.
All of the news, none of the politics.
I am your host, Alice Fraser.
Your guest editors for this week are Josh Gondelman and Eleanor Morton.
Welcome.
Oh, thank you.
Hello.
Can you tell what was inspiring me this week?
No, I feel like you did a nice job camouflaging kind of the personal inspiration
no but i i think i've got that oh you do sleep regression i think i am i think my parents have
said that i do that actually it's probably because you've got you're having a developmental leap
oh i hope so yeah you're gonna acquire new skills wait because my dog has started doing that maybe
she's gonna to talk soon.
At the time of recording, though, when this comes out, it will not be the time of recording
anymore. That's how time works.
It is Yom Kippur. So I just want
to say for all of our listeners who
do Yom Kippur, I hope you're
atoning enough. If you'd like to maximize
your atonement, or you
probably missed atoning for this year,
we can talk about how to atone up for next year.
Before we put our hands on each other's shoulders
and enter the slightly creepy massage circle that is this week's stories,
let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine.
The front cover this week is philanthropistienne Mackenzie Scott
still giving away $3 billion a year
and shedding husbands at an increasing rate of knots.
And the satirical cartoon this week is two comedians reading a paper
about the Russia-Ukraine conflict saying,
hey, did you know that Vladimir Zelensky was a comedian
before he was a president, which gives me hope that one day
Vladimir Putin will try to assassinate me.
That's how you know that you've made it as a comedian.
It's just a Russian guy in the cafe
suddenly trying to psych you into choosing a slice of poisoned cheesecake.
Treat yourself. You've had a hard week.
It used to be Johnny Carson calling you over to the couch.
Now it's, you know, Russian operatives putting a bag over your head.
Now it's time for our top story, Optimus Grimes news.
Elon Musk has launched a friendly robot, which he says will not overwhelm humans or attack them in any way.
Josh Gondelman, you've been a tech billionaire in the past.
Can you unpack this story for us?
That's right.
Yeah.
Elon Musk says these robots are going to be a bigger part of his business than electric cars.
And he wants to make humanoid robots,
which why do they have to look like people?
That's just rubbing it in when,
when they take over,
right?
Where it's just like,
Oh,
they can wear our pants and stuff when they take over the world.
But he said a friendly robot.
That's not dangerous.
And I don't like that.
The idea of a friendly robot to me is almost as unnerving as the idea of a hostile robot because you can hurt a friend's feelings.
I want a robot with the personality of a Scandinavian grandparent.
Just no emotion.
Instead of turning against the humans in an all out war.
At worst, they're going to passively aggressively do our bidding super slowly.
And that i can handle
so these these robots are supposed to they're initially they're supposed to do like monotonous
but possibly dangerous jobs and then become more sophisticated that they can be friends or even
sexual partners for humans and that's like a real testament to elon musk's worldview that he's
designing robots that he can sexually harass
that you can have an inappropriate workplace relationship with well I mean the robot will
sleep with you for an NFT of course well this is the scariest part to me they showed the robot
right this kind of clunky prototype and like four people brought it out and then they made it dance
and it was not an especially fluid dance it
was like you know it was a little herky-jerky a little wooden and i was like uh-oh that's how i
dance the technology is too good too fast oh yeah it's you're not doing the robot the robot's doing
the robot's doing the josh and i was like like, uh-oh, I'm replaceable.
I'd never felt that way before.
The prototype of the robot came out on stage and waved to the audience,
did a little dance.
But most of the footage of the robot was video footage of the robot
carrying a box, watering plants, moving metal bars in the factory,
a Tesla factory.
And it just, I feel like that is a good move.
It's like when he got the employee to throw a steel ball
at the window of the Tesla truck to prove that disgruntled employees
could damage your car, and it worked.
Yes.
It's a tricky thing, the robot thing, because, of course,
these robots will be used to replace human employees,
and then there'll be more people on TikTok.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
That's a problem.
And then there's going to be robot influencers.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Heartbreakingly.
Eleanor, how do you feel about this story?
I think everyone is giving Elon a lot more credit than he deserves.
First of all, can I just say,
me think the billionaire doth protest too much
because he keeps mentioning that they're not going to hurt us. And I'm like, Oh,
I wasn't thinking about that until you said that.
It's like if you go to someone's for dinner and they're like,
there's no shit in the food. Oh, I didn't think there was,
but now I'm worried. Like, but I actually think I'm not very worried about,
uh, these robots,
even though that's a scary thing for him to say,
because I think Elon is all talk and no
trouser he's a man whose entire personality is is all about the optics and not none about the
technology all he wants he wants to live in the future and he he doesn't get that we're not there
yet so he's been he's made this robot which actually first of all I like that it walked
like I used to walk when I was sneaking to get a biscuit out of the tin of a 10-year-old.
The robot actually, you know, most scientists were saying, well, it's actually not that good at most of the things we need it to be good at.
So, yeah, maybe one day we can get it to do all this stuff.
But I don't think it's going to replace anyone soon unless like you could actually replace
tiktokers because I think the only thing it can do is dance so picking stuff up a lot of other
very basic things that humans find super easy actually robots apparently find really hard so
um yeah I don't know I'm not as impressed as Elon Musk we should be I think he keeps saying I'll do
this and I'll do this and then over-promising and then it never turns up.
And I'm kind of like, I feel like you think you're Iron Man,
but with none of the technology of Iron Man,
because that is a film.
He was an inspiring guy.
And part of what he's inspiring is that he's read
a lot of science fiction and he would like to be
the people in the science fiction.
I'm just not sure he knows who the goodies are in the science fiction uh he's quite excited about things that maybe to you and i might read
as a dystopian future he's sort of because he can envision himself as being the one in the in the
nice glass palace um ruling the robots right right that's who you relate to he never reads the end of
the book where the everyone uprises and and gets rid of the
guy in the in the god's palace oh no if it's dystopian enough it still ends badly that's true
stay in charge so maybe he's reading the super dystopian stuff and being like refreshing i just
feel like when they always promise that that robots will become a sexual partner i feel like
this is i don't cry this lightly i'm not a big like oh this is this is the patriarchy it is this
is the patriarchy because is this is the patriarchy
because when they promise that a robot will be a sex partner they are talking about a a heterosexual
female sex partner to a male purchaser they are not talking about a robot that can finger you
comfortingly can you imagine anything more terrifying as a woman than letting a machine
near any of that that That is a horrible idea.
Well, I mean... Wait a minute, there's a whole genre.
I feel like, yeah, I feel like sex robot technology
is actually further along than we'd like to admit in some arenas.
Eleanor, you said earlier that he overpromises,
and that's so funny to me.
Right, like, Alice, you brought up, he was like,
here's an unbreakable car, and it's like, to me right like alice you brought up he was like here's
an unbreakable car and it's like who asked for an unbreakable car like we all understand that cars
break he kind of reminds me of pt barnum a bit it's like he's like here's a thing you never
thought of and never wanted but here it is but it's not really there but it's not real but have
here's some money and um then i assume h Hugh Jackman will eventually play him in a musical.
So I'd watch that.
I would watch that too.
Yeah.
So how the boring company is trying to deliver sort of underground tunnels
for self-driving cars and all these sort of promises.
And you think, are you trying to invent a bus?
Yeah.
Yes.
It's not like his companies don't do anything right like i think he over inflates like
his own innovativeness but i but like you you see when he walks on right he'll be like electric cars
and we're like got it he's like and they drive themselves and we're like do they and he's like
and nothing can break them and you're like well that's not right and he's like and there's a new
tunnel system through the center of the earth and you're like okay you just like dreamed that
i maintain that grimes left elon or you know they have parted ways sort of because when they met he
told her because she's obsessed with sci-fi she loves june he told her i'm gonna build a colony
on mars and for some reason grimes went he means next week and it never and
like it took her a couple of years and she was like i actually don't think he can do that yet
and then she's left i fully believe that's what she thought it is important to have mad geniuses
with visions of the future it's just also important um that they have ethical business standards
and that they use it yeah i mean right like you can look you can have a mad scientist all day
long but yeah let their lab workers let the egors of the world unionize yeah here's the rule elon
elon i as as somebody who's genuinely torn 50 50 between admiring and being horrified by elon musk
uh i would say elon musk you're allowed to invent humanoid robots
and replace all of your workers in all of your factories with humanoid robots.
But then if they do achieve sentience, you have to pay the minimum wage.
That's the deal.
Once they pass the Turing test, you need to hit them with tax info.
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And now it's time for your edible QR codes news.
This is the news that they have now invented an edible QR code that if you scan it and then eat it,
it shows you a video of the chef thanking you for eating it.
I mean, look, I'll thank someone for eating it.
No, we're
not going there eleanor can you unpack this story for us yeah well it was a restaurant in wales was
the focus of this and they've sort of reopened as a very um high-tech gastro cuisine phenomenon
where all the food is looks incredible but you know and it's all presented in cubes and balls and it's a lot of showmanship
and smoke. And at the end of the meal, you can, while you eat your petit four, you can scan a QR
code and then you can eat it and you get to meet the chef who's made your meal, which you could
also do in a normal restaurant by asking to do that. I feel like this kind of ties into the Elon story
because I think for me, it's another thing where we've,
what's the Jeff Goldblum quote?
We never stop to think, not if we should, but why?
Like, do we need, we don't really need a robot.
The Jeff Goldblum quote is,
holy f**k, that's a dinosaur.
It's more like a um uh holy uh holy um very very good
he's on the podcast guys it's just me uh scotland's premium female jeff goldblum
impersonator um i think it looks impressive i for me food isn't something I need to be high tech
I much prefer it is you know it's a novelty I can see that but also I think it's very unnecessary I
think you know once you've had that very fancy meal will you ever go back is it going to be
your favorite restaurant or is it going to be oh that was an experience we had once I'd much
rather go somewhere uh normal where they just make. That sounds very like inverted snobbery of me.
But I do think food is one of the few things that has really changed that much in history.
And I think that's because it's quite good the way it is.
Josh?
Look, I think this is terrific.
First of all, Eleanor, fully on board.
Because I'll eat whatever.
You know what I mean?
I'll eat like a hamburger bun with another hamburger bun on it.
No hamburger.
I don't care.
I'm a slob.
But I do love this.
First of all, for too long, we've been giving our compliments to the chef, right?
But it's time that the chef compliments us back so i do think that
it's nice that the chef will thank us for dinner for eating their food that they've prepared i also
it's not my favorite thing to eat but i am so curious and i'm always like i'm the kind of
asshole that this place appeals to like i'm always interested if you put a plate in front of me and it's the skin of a
blueberry with a raspberry stuffed inside it somehow or like a cloud of vapor that they're
like that's the ghost of beef tartare and you have to inhale it before it evaporates. Yeah I'll try
that. I'm exactly the kind of jerk that loves to eat an expensive meal full of tiny little ornaments
that leaves you hungry enough that you have to order a pizza that will meet you when you get home. That's like where I'm at.
I once went with my most blokey friend to like a raw vegan degustation.
About halfway through, he went, it's all just dips in different shapes.
So I want to get to, first of all, I think it's so funny that like a vegan restaurant is like hypothetically accessible in terms of food preferences to the most people.
Right. Like everyone who eats meat also eats not meat.
But in reality, they're like, not for me.
It is actually for the least number of people.
I heard the worst vegan pickup line the other day.
It was American tourists in Venice,
and one of them turned to the other one and said,
yeah, he said he's a vegan,
and he said he gets his B12 from eating pussy.
That's so funny.
God, I like this guy that's just like the aggro vegan.
He's just like, yeah, I mean, I eat some meat.
You know what I'm saying, babe?
They make you now?
Yeah.
Yeah, Eddie Murphy's raw vegan.
But I do love that they have a fancy vegetarian menu at this restaurant, Gem 42, that aspires to zero waste. I think that's like a
really cool, like normalizing kind of like exceptional high-end delicious vegetarian food,
I think is really neat. And zero waste, I think is something to aspire to, right? We all make too
much food waste and trash waste, but zero seems like too much. Like the food just stays inside
me till I die. Like I think there should be some waste eventually but that's you
know maybe I'm old school like that I think it's zero waste because the food is only tiny and it's
impossible for any of it to be wasted if you're going to try and right no leftover yeah zero
leftovers I once went to a restaurant in Germany in Berlin I think I think it's a chain actually
but I went to the one in Berlin it's's called Dunkel Restaurant, which means dark restaurant. And it's, you get served entirely in the dark
and you don't know what you're ordering. You kind of, you know, they tell you if it's vegetarian
or not, but that's it really. You just choose the things off the menu. Like they kind of
give you a story about it, but you don't know what it is. And then you're by uh visually impaired waiters so they don't they're not worried about the no they're worried
about the dark they can navigate that and um it was just mad how much different not seeing the
food made to the taste like it was it just made it like 200 more interesting as a experience so um
i totally get the uh the need to fancy things up, but you could just close your eyes and your spaghetti hoops can become a journey all of them.
A totally dark restaurant in Germany does feel like they would be like, and that last course, your own parents.
You just ate the flesh of your loved ones.
A sense of dread building around you as you eat
your dessert enjoy very tight as sandronicus that's all the time that we have for our
degustation news because now it's time for your reviews as you know each week we ask our guest
editors review something out of five stars uh josh what have you brought in for us this week
i'm gonna review fantasy basketball my fantasy basketball league that I'm in every year is starting back up.
And as a man from New England, watching sports is already the only way I have access to the full
spectrum of human emotion, which is a healthy trait that definitely isn't necessary to interrogate
further. Fantasy basketball, however, provides me with too much feeling.
There's the regret of forgetting to set my lineup on a given day and losing out on points.
There's the anguish of losing at a sport that I'm not even actually playing.
And then the double anguish of players that I root for in real life defeating my imaginary team.
And that defeat feels extra personal the victories
feel extra ephemeral it's a source of vastly more misery than joy year after year and i will of
course throw the 50 entry fee into a fire to participate in my usual league every season
until i die at the very slightest peer pressure because I can't say no to things and I
hate feeling excluded so I'm going to give this 1.5 out of 5 stars for fantasy basketball 1.5
out of 5 stars fantasy basketball Eleanor what have you brought in for us um well I just got
back from a holiday in Sicily it was very nice and I have to say uh I loved the Italian security
at the airport by which I mean the lack of security.
It was, I'd say, the quickest I've ever been through anything in my life.
They barely looked at anything I put on that conveyor belt.
And it's all theatre anyway, so it's not as if I was any less safe than going through a two-hour queue in Heathrow. I was through the other side. They've
got amazing pastries and like fresh, like nice stuff. Not just a WH Smith on the other side,
you know, they got nice fresh shit. So Italian airports, I'm going to give five out of five.
Five out of five for Italian. That's a real spectrum of reviews.
Very few jokes in that. I just loved it.
I would go on vacation to that airport yeah it was great it was great they were laid back they
were and you know um not josh not to not to demean your country but you guys have the scariest airport
they're horrendous i hate it terrifying you know they always ask like why are you here and how much
terrorism are you planning to commit yeah And Italian's very much the opposite.
In fact, the woman who I went through passport control
to get into the country,
she looked at me quite scarily and I was like,
oh, is she going to ask me a question?
And then she stamped my thing and she went,
you have beautiful hair.
And I don't think you'd get that in America.
No, never.
I mean, I don't get that anywhere I go.
But I like to think that you're saying security theater.
I like to think that Italian security theater is more of a commedia dell'arte.
Environment news now.
A family has been investigated after ruining everything.
As we all know, a gender reveal party has gone wrong.
They turned a waterfall blue in an attempt to tell people what the shape of their child's genitalia was and ended up destroying the universe.
Eleanor, you're wearing a very lovely lilac.
Can you unpack this story for us?
Thank you. I'm in my pastels today.
So I believe it was in South America.
Is that right
in brazil brazil and uh it was a i think a natural beauty spot a lovely waterfall
and i decided they would dye it blue which is funny because waterfalls are blue
and uh would you know sticking a load of dye in a waterfall is not good for it or the environment. And everyone was pretty upset with them.
And, you know, I think every year, like the gender reveal stories, there was a wildfire one in California where they accidentally set a whole bit of forest on fire.
Every year the stories about gender reveals get a little bit stupider and a little bit more apocalyptic.
And, you know, I do wonder what's what's coming next is it going to be
a nuclear bomb that's pink when it explodes or some kind of tsunami i think the thing i find
strange about all gender reveal parties is the fact that the parents of this baby expect me to
have any reaction at all to their child's genitals you know i'm gonna i'm gonna pretend to be
delighted either way it's to be the same reaction.
Like, what do they want?
Do they want me to, you know, they reveal that it's a boy
and I go, oh, that's a shame, really.
I really wanted it to be a girl.
You know, it's, what's the end goal here?
We're all just pretending to care.
When my mum presented my grandmother,
my paternal grandmother with twins,
she said, the boy is first 12 of the girl.
So that was the exchange rate for the genders when I was born, according to my Hungarian
grandmother. So I don't think my mom ever forgave her for it. Also, she didn't mean it. She just
said it because that's kind of the crazy thing that people said in the 1914s when she was being
brought up at least you knew you were the least likely to be sold off
but that's the thing like gender reveal parties would have made way more sense like 200 years ago
than they do now uh because then you know if it's a girl you're like oh shit um and if it's a boy
like yes and now it's we're you know we're all's a girl, you're like, oh, shit. And if it's a boy, you're like, yes.
And now it's, you know, we're all meant to have the same reaction either way.
So why didn't we have them then?
I did have a strong reaction to this story, which was intense relief.
Because I truly, I, this is my own point of view.
But I had not, I had, until I saw that this happened in brazil i had thought that destroying the
environment for gender reveal parties was a uniquely american phenomenon and i was like
oh thank god they do it other places too south america and north america yeah all the americas
look i can't take any ownership what for what happens in brazil or i mean even outside of
brooklyn really that's that's all but you take responsibility for everything that happens inside For what happens in Brazil. Or, I mean, even outside of Brooklyn, really.
But you take responsibility for everything that happens inside Brooklyn.
That's true. All of it.
You're the man.
Machine politics, hip hop.
But the parties are always so tacky, right?
It's like, let's take a marvel of nature and turn it into the color of a freshly cleaned toilet water because we saw a tiny dick on an ultrasound and i guess in this case though i am glad that it was a boy which i
normally don't care about strangers babies gender at all because a waterfall like running deep pink
sounds less like a gender reveal party and more like one of the 10 things.
It is one of the rare times that a tiny penis is celebrated.
That's true.
They're just like, let's have a party.
We're going to invite friends over to talk about it.
Which is kind of sex in the city.
That's all the time we have for Dick Talk News, because now it's time for our billionaire private gladiatorial contest news.
This is the news that Mark Zuckerberg had what was essentially a private UFC event.
He and a few Facebook friends booked out the entire stadium of UFC Vegas,
didn't invite any media and just had men punching each other in a ring in front of him.
And somehow that seems, you would think that it would be less grotesque, but somehow more grotesque.
Vastly more.
The fewer people are watching.
Yes. At zero, right? Zero people watching. It's just a fist fight.
Yeah. That's the state of nature. I feel, I feel we can, we can all accept people kicking
each other in the head if no one's watching. Yeah. is you know maybe it's over a parking spot i'm from
boston these are things that happen but i don't like this at all just like a private spectacle
it feels very just before the fall of an empire to me like i don't love the metaverse that mark zuckerberg is trying to create i'm definitely
against him having a private murder verse i don't think he should have that i guess he's recently
this is what i read that he's recently a big brazilian jiu-jitsu and mma fan which i don't
like at all because i don't like when these tech moguls get physically strong like if you're gonna control all the money and
information we should at least have a uh like a real shot at beating the shit out of you if we
have to take you in hand-to-hand combat i really believe that sincerely uh like i'm not trying to
beat up mark zuckerberg but if he runs at me i don't want to be like uh-oh i want to be like
now's the time like we can't let this guy develop a taste for blood
now it's private umc fights soon he'll be setting countries up to have nuclear war against each
other for his entertainment i do think this is the one way i feel like this this would make sense
if he really wants to get into mma and these lessons. I think he should have to fight Elon Musk's humanoid robots.
If you're a billionaire, you should be allowed a cage fight if you're in the cage.
Yes.
That's the rules.
You're not allowed to watch any sport of any kind unless you're doing it.
That's the rules.
I don't make the rules.
I just make them up.
I actually find it quite refreshing that he's doing this in a way.
I think this is more honest.
This is what I picture men with too much money.
This is what I assume they want to do.
I think this is nicer in a way than building a robot army.
Like, yeah, of course, that's what men, stupid men with lots of money would do.
Of course, they would hire their own gladiators and fight it out like roman emperors um and you know i just think that's a bit more traditional
a bit more classy in a way it's like yeah i know i know at least five men who would do that if they
had a billion pounds it's honest you know it's honest and uh it it kind of confirms that that is what the goal of billionaires
is just to be as, do what they want in the most sort
of toxic masculinity way possible.
And he's not trying to hide it.
He's just saying, this is what I'm into, you know,
sort of fight club with glitter.
I like that.
I mean, Dana White, who is the UFC guy uh took a picture with Mark Zuckerberg saying
what a privilege it was to have him watch men punch each other in a ring and my favorite take
on it was the internet take of the manosphere who spent their entire time comparing how big
Dana White's head is compared to how small Mark Zuckerberg's head is. It's just, just bring it back to phrenology, boys.
Yeah.
That's how you know you're a real man.
It's all about lobes.
Crania.
There's a real pattern of billionaires, dictators,
that kind of energy,
being absolutely obsessed with fighting in their bodies,
but not actually being any good at it.
And I think they probably wouldn't be billionaires if they were.
They would just be fit men.
Right.
They'd have, you know, a hundred grand in abs.
Yeah.
And that's all the time we have for this week's episode of the podcast.
Now we're at the end of the magazine, flipping through the ads at the back.
Have you got anything to plug, Josh?
I do.
My standup special People Pleaser is still available.
I believe it's for rent on Vimeo worldwide.
If you're in the U.S., it's free for Prime subscribers.
Speaking of swole billionaires.
And I'm on tour all over the U.S. and a little bit of Canada.
This weekend, I'm in Cleveland and Pittsburgh.
Next weekend, I'm out in Western Mass.
JoshGondelman.com for details.
I'm out.
I'm going all over the country,
West Coast, East Coast.
So like, please come out and see me
if you enjoy me on this podcast.
And Eleanor, have you got anything to plug?
I am Eleanor Morton on all of the socials
and that's where I post silly videos.
I am also doing the Weirdos Halloween show in
London at the end of the month. It's
going to be a very silly, spooky show
where our
head honcho Adam Lata has put far
too much time and effort into
giving each individual audience member
an envelope full of
information for them. If you buy a ticket
you'll get an envelope. It'll have a whole
character arc for you. He spent so
much time and money on this. It's a lot of fun.
It's very silly. That's at the Museum of Comedy
the last weekend
of October. The Museum of Comedy, that's where
I filmed my special Kronos, which will be out
soon and will be available first
on my Patreon, patreon.com
slash alicefraser. It's a one-stop shop for all of my
stand-up specials, podcasts and vlogs. You can find
me there or at alliterative,
A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E on Twitter and Instagram.
This is an Alice Fraser and Bugle podcast production.
Your editor is Ped Hunter.
Your executive producer is Chris Skinner.
I'll talk to you again next week.
You can listen to other programs from the Bugle,
including The Bugle, The Last Post,
Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle,
wherever you find your podcasts.