The Gargle - Otters | Michelin | Vampires

Episode Date: December 17, 2021

Tiff Stevenson and John-Luke Roberts join host Alice Fraser for episode 41 of The Gargle - the weekly topical comedy podcast with (usually) no politics!🦦 Otter attack🦝 Racoon put in a headlock�...��🏻‍🍳 Brutal restaurant review🧛🏻‍♀️ Anne Rice obit✈️ Europe's friendliest countries👤 Person of the yearThis episode was produced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Subscribe to our Ashes Urncast now: http://pod.link/Urncast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. This is The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to The Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world. Welcome to this week's edition. Your guest editors this week are Tiff Stevenson and John Luke Roberts. Welcome. Hello. Hello, thank you. It's a shorter intro this time because last week was too long. I average out my introductions. Over what period of time?
Starting point is 00:01:47 Well, it depends how long the show lasts for. You'll only find out at the end. Not the end of the show, the end of all time. We're going to plunge into this week's edition of the show, but first let's have a quick look at the front cover. The front cover this week is the Omicron variant posing provocatively with its butt perkily to the front of the frame and a cape on. The headline reads, quote,
Starting point is 00:02:11 You don't know me, end quote. Exclusive mystery virus tells all, exclamation mark. The satirical cartoon this week is the characters from the Sex and the City reboot looking like they don't hate and resent each other and the impact that fame has had on their lives, but they're a metaphor for something geopolitical that's satirical cartoons for you getting into this week's edition an animal section our first our first story is uh in our animal section is a man who suffered from an otter attack john luke roberts you look like a
Starting point is 00:02:43 man who feared for his life during an otter attack. Can you unpack this story? It's very sad, really. This man, Mr Spencer, is an Englishman. I don't know English, British, lives in Singapore and was attacked by 20 otters in a park. But it was a case, it's basically a revenge tragedy. It was a case of mistaken identity. Some runners ran over these otters trampling them and they looked around for who had done it and discovered poor mr spencer walking along bit his ankles brought him toppling to his he fell over and then they started nearly they nearly killed him apparently by biting him all over he's very forgiving of the otters which is good otherwise it would go on to a sort of cycle of violence with him going after the otters children and then you know one of the otters growing up to later come
Starting point is 00:03:28 and kill his his family so that's basically the story everyone's forgiven the otters um and it wasn't the otter's fault but the runner has never been found there's so much about this story that is confronting to me first of all it feels like the second half of one of those, would you rather be attacked by one man-sized otter or 20 otter-sized otters? And that he's answered wrongly. And then also, I'm reading the story on the BBC website. The way that it's written leaves so much room for ambiguity. His name's Graham George Spencer. So already he's got three first names, which is a man you can't trust.
Starting point is 00:04:00 He said he suffered more than 20 wounds after he was bitten in the city-state's botanic gardens. Now that is not where one gets bitten. And then it says about the otters, a representative from the park told Mr Spencer they were investigating. Is that the otters who were investigating? Yeah, there's so many dangling signifiers like where is one's botanic gardens and can you get it waxed? I like that there's a representative. This reminds me of when they tried to rebrand shark attacks. Do you remember that? They were like, we need to stop calling them attacks.
Starting point is 00:04:30 I'm like, what are you going to call them? Bitey wet times. So you may feel that you had your leg lacerated completely by a shark, but we'd prefer it if you could just reframe that. I love otters. I absolutely love sea otters. I was on the, just before the pandemic i was in america on the pacific coast highway and uh crying my eyes out seeing them going oh my god
Starting point is 00:04:51 i exist in the world and this thing that's so different to me exists in the world and then i saw an otter get like a um a clam i think it was and smash it on its chest to open it and it reminded me of myself with a jar of pickles was i actually not not that different but they were saying that the otter population in singapore has exploded in recent years and that the animals have hit the headlines for allegedly eating thousands of dollars worth of koi carp and learning to climb ladders like we all like sushi and getting good views i'm not going to judge these otters. I'm not prepared to do it. No, I mean, thousands of dollars worth. I don't know how much koi carp cost also.
Starting point is 00:05:30 You know, what's the market for koi carp? Thousands of dollars for koi carp might just be one bite. It might be 100,000 koi carp. I don't know the going price in the carp market. I guess $10 for a carp. Oh, that's a lot of carp then. But that's wild speculation on my part. Yeah, we don't know. I think koi carp are I guess $10 for a carp. Oh, that's a lot of carp then. But that's wild speculation on my part. Yeah, we don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:47 I think koi carp are more than $10. But really, yeah, outgoing carp. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I feel like if you had a pond or something. I feel like koi carp are probably about 50 quid. Is that an overreach? They're fancy.
Starting point is 00:06:00 They're not just your regular carp. They're fancy carp. I'm convinced by your argument. I think I went in too low. I reckon about 50 to 100 quid per koi carp. So I think they're smashing down the sushi. I'm seeing them tear into them raw. It's not like they're getting them on a barbecue. These otters know what they want.
Starting point is 00:06:20 This is a quote that was clearly got by going to a local Facebook group and going, does anyone know about these otters? Because the quote is from a local photographer who, quote unquote, documents them. So just some weird otter perv who says these otters got attacked, if you will, by being stepped on. And in a moment of confusion, they attacked the wrong guy. That's really what it is, he said. So he's coming in like he's an expert. Like justice would have been served if the Otters had attacked the right guy.
Starting point is 00:06:49 I find this story incredibly powerful and moving. And I hope we can all learn a lesson. What's the lesson you've learned from this story, John Luke? Always make sure you attack the right 60-year-old British man. How old is Boris Johnson? I know we're not doing politics. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. I guess that's a wildlife story as well.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Can I suggest a title if this was to be made into the revenge play that I see it being? I'd like to go for Why I Otter. Which also works as a story about a Geordie otter as well, I suppose. Very nice. Tiff, what lesson have you learned from this tale of revenge gone wrong?
Starting point is 00:07:32 It's otterly beautiful. I am actually an otter. I empathise with, I think, and I won't hear a bad word said about them. That's what I'm taking from this story. I mean, I empathise with otters as well, but that's just because I like to go to sleep holding hands and floating on my back in a body of water. It's a complex set of requirements.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Next up in our animal news section, a woman, and again, an elderly woman, what is it with wildlife and elderly people, was attacked by a raccoon while she was hanging her Christmas lights. What happened next? Tiff Stevenson, you look like you've hung a few Christmas lights in your time, if you know what I mean, because I don't. What's happened here?
Starting point is 00:08:13 There was a lady putting out her Christmas lights. Woman 70 attacked by raccoon while hanging Christmas lights. Puts it in a headlock. So this is like WWE, WWF. to say, is it WWE, WWF? One is World Wildlife Foundation. One is wrestling. It's both. It's the convergence of both these worlds.
Starting point is 00:08:32 It's very exciting. I mean, she did describe it as the worst nightmare of her life. Both me and the raccoon were screaming so loud. Donna Sandianaro wrote in a post on Facebook. So now we're getting our news from Facebook, as we always should be. So it says, Day of Christmas decorating didn't go as planned for a woman who was attacked by a raccoon that left her with bites and bruises
Starting point is 00:08:51 all over her arms. I really thought I was going to die, said Massachusetts resident. So that's the second of them. So the other guy thought he was going to die as well. The Singapore guy thought he was going to die. A man with three first names. And now Donna San Gennaro thought that she was going to die. A man with three first names. And now Donna Sanginario thought that she was going to die.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Do they just not have any sense of what it feels like to be killed to death by wildlife? Because these are very small animals. Well, she said she turned around. She heard a strange noise coming from the street. I turned around to see what the noise was and I was staring at a huge raccoon about 10 feet away but how big is a huge raccoon again how before i could do anything it jumped at me maybe it thought she
Starting point is 00:09:31 was cyril sneer from the raccoons cartoon i don't know i don't know but it sounds like and i don't want to victim blame but like if it was 10 feet away and then it just launched itself what happened was it the lights? Did it feel threatened or did it have rabies? Because there is a suggestion. It says, you know, not all raccoons have the virus, but signs they're rabid include a staggering gait, an erratic wandering, discharge from eyes or mouth,
Starting point is 00:09:59 and are self-mutilating, which is just any office Christmas party. So I feel like it's the time of year. I don't know why she turned around, it was 10 feet away and then it was on her like what there's no detail and what happened between her seeing it and it just launching itself at her i think it's probably a misplaced revenge attack for its family was killed by some old other old lady putting up christmas lights if these things are going to a pattern maybe his wife left him christmas and i'm assuming the raccoon's a dude but like maybe the sight of christmas lights going up reminds him of his
Starting point is 00:10:32 divorce he's got no way of taking it out on twitter he can't tippy tap away so now he's like i'll just attack a random woman putting out christmas lights they don't have opposable thumbs but they can open rubbish bins i think they They can yeah. So they're very nifty. I reckon you could get a raccoon on Twitter. No I've just discovered my new life's mission. Do you think you could train a raccoon to so you know those flip-top lids which often stop working the kind of connector goes. Could you train a raccoon so that instead you sort of step on the raccoon's tail and the raccoon opens the bin for you then you put the stuff in then close it and goes off I think that might defeat the purpose I think what you would do is just give the rubbish to the raccoon to eat all right yeah great well we've
Starting point is 00:11:11 we've solved it it took us a while but we've worked out what I call upstream thinking I don't think well it's interesting Tiff you talked about victim blaming here because I'm not sure that I believe this woman is the victim I'm not as clear on that I think she was inside the house is people's area up the side of a house with Christmas decor that is definitely the raccoon's home that she is going into she was in there so it's up to the raccoon what he wants to do about a home invader. Get armed. Like what are the open carry laws in Massachusetts? Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. Yes, Bitcoin is a Ponzi scheme, but there's nothing that says money can't start like that. We should all agree that Bitcoin is either a scam or the next big thing. It's really Schrodinger's currency. And in that vein,
Starting point is 00:12:03 the gargle is launching its own cryptocurrency, gargle coin. Welcome to gargle coin. Each gargle coin is backed by a whole half a glass of water, which is to say an NFT of a half a glass of water joke limited to the number of half a glass of water jokes I've ever written. So like a bajillion. It's essentially worthless. It's essentially worthless. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com This is a section entitled What is Art? And we flip through some glossy pictures of classic works before we enter our first art section story,
Starting point is 00:13:31 which is a Michelin-starred restaurant which has received a terrible, terrible review and responded to that review. And I think we all know that businesses should never respond to criticisms, but this is like such a joyous interchange. I'm not sure if it was art to begin with, but I'm pretty sure that it's art now.iff Stevenson you are our art expert can you unpack this delicious 24 course meal of a story 27 courses how dare you that's like you've really
Starting point is 00:13:55 not appreciated the art of this so firstly I would say about Michelin stars I recently did this like culinary cruise thing where I had to interview chefs and Michelle Rue was one of the he's got two Michelin stars. And the discussion was that the pressure of having a Michelin star is not only having one, but then keeping it because every year you have to get the Michelin star renewed. So chefs can lose their minds over it. And it sounds like this chef has. It's a restaurant in Italy in a town called I think that's Lecce I don't know if I've pronounced that correctly the Scottish Italian next door will tell me off if I haven't but a travel writer turned up to have a go of the tasting menu basically a 27 course tasting menu and the restaurant is led by a chef called Floriano Pellegrino I'm hoping from the Pellegrino
Starting point is 00:14:48 family because they're an avant-garde family they put fancy little hats on their cans of fizzy drink you know these people are not messing around you look at an Aranciata and and you think is it going to a wedding why is it wearing a fascinator so these people are already they're already thinking outside the box if it's the same pellegrinos that do the fizzy drink so so it's a 27 course tasting menu basically the menu sounds like the school dinner packages that were sent out to the children at home during the summer like genuinely some segments of orange reconstituted a shot of vinegar a paper wafer and some old ricotta so these are some of the courses
Starting point is 00:15:27 I mean it sounds deliberately disgusting right yeah yeah like it's like you you can't be seriously thinking that people are going to eat this and be I mean I've done tasting menus before you're never going to get a lot of food but what you're kind of hoping with a tasting menu is sort of an explosion of flavor and something delicious and you know which I think is quite funny I do think is avant-garde one of the courses is um some foam like a citrus foam but it comes in a plaster cast of the mouth of the chef and you have to suck it out of the mouth of the chef which I do think at that point when you're there you're going yeah we are trying to do art here we're not this isn't a fine dining experience which i guess it depends on what you think you're going for if you think you're going for a fine dining experience and you you
Starting point is 00:16:14 have to suck citrus foam out of a plaster cast you're probably not going to be happy anyway so this this travel writer has critiqued it and done a Twitter thread. And he was very, very unhappy and then obviously bought into the question, what is the nature of art? And I am an artist. I'm a chef who is an artist. I mean, the chef responded with a picture of a horse. Three pictures of a horse. Come on. You are correct.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Give him some credit. John Luke, you sound like you take criticism badly. How do you feel about the picture of a horse? Oh, God, I take criticism so badly and I am delighted to now be able to respond with horses. I can draw a horse, but not from memory. I have to look at a horse, otherwise it's a disaster. One, they're sucking the foam out of the plaster cast mouth thing.
Starting point is 00:17:03 I would not be surprised to hear that was reclassified as a crime. I'm so delighted by this three-page response with three different pictures of a horse. One, a very simple picture of a man and a horse. Then one very fancy painting of a man and a horse. And then one avant-garde painting of a man and a horse with a whole load of text about what cooking means, what theatre is, what art is.
Starting point is 00:17:27 I really like this chef. I think I would have hated that meal, but I'd take my hat off. I'd take my hat off to his response. Yeah, what is art? What is food? What is a chef? What is a client? What is good taste? Who are you? What are you doing here?
Starting point is 00:17:42 Why is this check bounced? This is one of those beautiful things where you have a just complete miscommunication about what is attempting to be achieved here, which is that the chef is thinking that they're doing art and it's an avant-garde experience that makes you question the nature of food and is delivering exactly that, exactly what he desires to deliver into the mouths of his gaping audience who unfortunately were hoping to have a nice meal
Starting point is 00:18:10 and not to have to question the nature of food. His ungrateful gaping. His gaping audience. The mouths of his gaping audience. They came in like baby birds. I mean, you've been involved in what can occasionally be called anti-comedy, John Luke. I think you know what the mouths of a gaping audience look like. Oh, mine are normally, no, the ones who don't like it, they're tight shut like they've just eaten a lemon.
Starting point is 00:18:37 There's nothing gaping about them at all. Have they eaten the lemon out of the mouth of a plaster cast of The Comedian? eating the lemon out of the mouth of a plaster cast of the comedian there's a bit in the early response that did make me kind of go i mean this guy does sound up himself it says being able to draw a man on a horse does not make you an artist agreed the result of your talent can be beautiful to look at but it's not art drawing a man on the horse is same as making food many people are able to make good food your grandmother could do it my wife does it great and then it's just like the maleness like kind of dripping off that for centuries women have cooked then all of a sudden we have these celebrity chefs and so many of them are dudes and they're like but we're doing it as art you just do it as like
Starting point is 00:19:18 domestic labor that's what came off of that like Like, oh, my grandmother with her basic dishes that she just made so everyone could survive. Again, I feel like this is just another instance of women doing something first. There's been plenty of women who are terrible cooks. You don't need to take credit for that. I'm a terrible chef. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Well, it's not even terrible. I'm avant-garde. I am an artist. And all of that stainage around the hob is, you know, it's how you interpret it. It's not actually mess. I have answered the question, can you burn a boiled egg? I wonder how the Italians themselves responded to this, because I've been watching The Sopranos how the Italians themselves responded to this because I've been watching the Sopranos and uh Artie who runs the restaurant Velsuvio in it tried to do a tasting menu in a recent episode and that did not go down well at all like one of them was asking for macaroni and gravy just just give me
Starting point is 00:20:16 the macaroni and gravy I'm intrigued to know how the Italians respond to this because this was a travel writer I mean it's got a Michelin star so someone's responded saying this is michelin starred food maybe they served something different that day you never know maybe they just did a normal you know very fancy nine course tasting menu for example not uh not the and didn't bring out the mouth because i think as soon as you bring out the mouth with the foam in that michelin person is clicking their pen and making a few alterations. That's all the time we have for that story, because now we have to move, unfortunately, to our obituary section, normally not relevant for a comedy podcast,
Starting point is 00:20:56 but I think Anne Rice produced some of the funniest prose that has ever been created in the history of literature. Sorry, Anne Rice, is that another dish in that restaurant? Was that the 15th course? Now we're bringing you some Anne Rice. Famous gothic perv Anne Rice has died at the age of 80, leaving behind a legacy of overheated teens. I think we can attribute basically every overheated supernatural
Starting point is 00:21:26 teen thriller to Anne Rice's inspiration. Not that there weren't overheated teen porny thrillers before her, but I think she really lit the fire underneath that. John Luke, you've been an overheated teen. Can you tell us a bit more about Anne Rice? She wrote Interview with the Vampire, right?
Starting point is 00:21:42 She did write Interview with the Vampire. And then this week she was killed by what kind of animal? What sort of animal killed Anne Rice. She wrote Interview with the Vampire, right? She did write Interview with the Vampire. And then this week she was killed by what kind of animal? What sort of animal killed Anne Rice at 80? We've got a 60-year-old killed by otters, a 70-year-old attacked by... Well, he wasn't killed. Okay, fine. Attacked by otters, attacked by a raccoon at 70.
Starting point is 00:21:56 At 80, Anne Rice felled a bat. It would have to be a bat, wouldn't it? Yes. The inexorable march of time, I'm afraid. Oh, no. That's the worst of all. That's never a funny story. Have you ever read a slice of Interview with a Vampire?
Starting point is 00:22:08 Because the film had fit men in it. And sometimes that's enough for me to pick up a book. Right. I tried to read it afterwards. It was very overly flowery and verbose. And it felt like it was homework. You know, when you're reading it, you're like, this feels like homework. It's like 25 words when we could have been five.
Starting point is 00:22:24 And then nothing happens. You're like, when is something gonna happen? But yeah, she is, I think, responsible for a revival of all things vampire. Although comics, we're sort of vampires, aren't we? We only go out at night and we can't look at our reflections, not because they don't exist,
Starting point is 00:22:38 but because we hate ourselves. I'm pleased that the vampire law, I think probably stuff like Buffy coming around, because obviously the film was there and then the TV series. I do think she's to credit for that. The situation is always two vampires fighting over one woman who's always mortal. That seems to be the framework for these kind of things. Look, I go back and forth on vampires.
Starting point is 00:22:59 On one hand, I appreciate their approach to consent. On the other hand, they really are just oversized mosquitoes. So whenever I see a scene of a vampire floating through a window, I just imagine them making the eee noise. And somehow that's a lot less sexy. And ironically, going back and forth on a vampire sounds like something that would happen in an Anne Rice book. I'm just imagining a giant newspaper swatting a vampire now.
Starting point is 00:23:28 That's why there's always those billowing curtains. They're just the mosquito net. Now it's time, of course, for our reviews. As you know, every week each of our guest editors brings in something to review out of five stars. Tiff Stevenson, what have you brought us this week? I am reviewing, it might be slightly breaking a rule, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm reviewing the Tory Christmas parties,
Starting point is 00:23:50 which is kind of like reviewing air, because we know it exists, but we can't ever see it. So I'm reviewing Christmas parties that are connected to the Conservative Party. Let's, you know, neither here nor there. But did you know Allegra Stratton is actually an anagram of Boris's convenient scapegoat? I mean, hit the politics bell, Ped. This is very politics. Some photos have emerged in the last couple of days of the Tory Christmas parties. One of Boris hosting a quiz, presumably with questions like,
Starting point is 00:24:18 how many children do I have? Because it appears he doesn't know. Or know any cheap painter decorators. These parties have the air of a wake for fun like imagine you enter a funeral for fun like an actual wake for fun which in many ways is quite apt because i think the tory party's pretty dead after this you know look the idea that parties were held worse than that not very good parties while people didn't see their families at christmas r.i.p conservatives I give these parties a depressed
Starting point is 00:24:45 three kazoos out of 10. And how do you feel about Christmas parties in general? Listen, I think they're there for you to do something regrettable. That's a Christmas party, the office dynamic, you know, someone's going to get off with someone they shouldn't, someone's going to photocopy something they shouldn't have. Although I feel that's like maybe changed in recent years you know um like an old school party in the office I feel like they don't really happen as much anymore people now like book venues and they go out of the office but there's no you know it's fun to staple something to something that it shouldn't be stapled to and it's fun to photocopy body parts so I say bring back the old school in office Christmas party yeah also I
Starting point is 00:25:25 feel like you shouldn't pretend that it isn't work it should be at work to really embrace the full depressingness of being forced for socializing with work colleagues yes there's a market for a venue to open up which is office themed so that offices can book it for their office party they've got the photocopier there they've got the staplers they've got all the bits of stationary little pens and stuff i once did a that there was a hotel like a boutique hotel and they were doing gigs in there so that the audience would be led around each room and then as part of the payment for the act you performed in your room and then you got to stay there and i died horribly and then i had to sleep in this room i had just died so. So, you know, I think there's something about going to work in somewhere where you've got this horrible memory of this terrible party.
Starting point is 00:26:09 At least you could shift that to an outside venue. Yes, I think that experience of dying in the room and then having to sleep in it is the experience of every Zoom gig since the beginning of this pandemic. Oh, yeah. John Luke, what have you brought in to review? I've got a very short review. Yes.
Starting point is 00:26:24 I'm going to be reviewing gloves. Yes. Gloves. The hollow, floppy hands you put your hands inside. Five stars if you like that sort of thing. I found a pair of gloves that fitted, like, exceptionally well, but I couldn't think of the perfect simile. The perfect simile for how well a glove fits is
Starting point is 00:26:45 like a condom. This condom fits like a glove and this glove fits like a condom and one of them's going somewhere rude. Well now we go into our travel section now because tis the season to make lists because that's of course what people do around Christmas is they make lists of Europe's most friendly countries. And this has come out on euronews.travel, which has listed the most and least friendly places to go in Europe now that you're not allowed to go to Europe anymore. I think that's what Brexit means, isn't it? Brexit means Brexit and Brexit means not being able to go to Europe. Yes. John Luke, what is the friendliest country and why would you not go there? Well,
Starting point is 00:27:30 the friendliest country is Portugal and I wouldn't go there because it's an awful lot of admin at the moment. They've made a list of the top friendliest countries in the world. It's just quite interesting that Euronews have spun this as the friendliest countries in Europe. There are four European countries, Portugal, Greece, Ireland and Spain. Yeah, if it was which European countries are friendlier than the UK, it would be all European countries, even Belarus probably at this point. I think the unspoken end of that sentence is to whom are they being unfriendly? I feel like they have very different approaches depending on where you're coming from. If you are, for example, a British person in Austria right now or, you know, say a refugee coming in to the UK, I feel like you get a very different reaction. It says in the article, will I actually be able to make friends?
Starting point is 00:28:17 Which is like terrifying to have to put that in the article. to put that in the article and i think of course sure all you do is you speak your own language at them but slowly and loudly and peppering in some of your favorite words in their language and they will love you like i will have that and people really respond to that you shouting just random bits of their of their language at them but you're correct alice we're not really welcome in most places post-brexit like all of them because all of those people who flew back from the costa del sol to vote for the party there were videos of them people flying back to say we're voting for forage because we want our country back you know the one we don't live in anymore we want it back um and so that's
Starting point is 00:29:01 that's what the uk got in our bre trade deal. We got our assholes back because they've all been shoved out of those European countries. And I was like, this is part of the trade deal that I did not want. I didn't want the assholes back from abroad, but now we've got them. To do this with a non-politics take, I think it depends on who's asking these questions. What if the person going around to do this survey
Starting point is 00:29:20 is just a super hot chick? Everyone's friendly to a super hot chick, except slightly less hot chicks. If you're marginally less hot than the super hot chick, then you might not be friendly to her. But everyone else in the whole world is friendly to a super hot chick. Denmark didn't make it in. I thought they were top of the happiness index.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Maybe it's because they keep British people out. Maybe they've got good boundaries and personal space things. Yeah, I think they just say if they don't like you, they tend not to be big on the social niceties. Maybe this list should be the countries that are the best at lying to tourists about how willing they are to be nice to you to take your money. The countries with lowest self-esteem. That's the end of our travel section
Starting point is 00:30:07 because we have to close out the show. But first, some awards. Elon Musk has been awarded the prize. Is it a prize? Of being Time's Person of the Year. So just to unpack this story for anyone who doesn't know the backstory, Mark Benioff is the billionaire
Starting point is 00:30:22 who owns Time magazine, which just made Elon Musk person of the year. He's also an investor in Elon Musk's SpaceX, which is a company that's at risk of bankruptcy because it has a bad habit of firing all its money into space. Anyway, whether or not you think Time magazine giving Musk positive publicity by naming him person of the year is mind-bendingly self-serving like a glory hole
Starting point is 00:30:43 with a penis coming out both sides, let's not worry about it too much. Let's just do our gargle person of the Year is mind-bendingly self-serving like a glory hole with a penis coming out both sides. Let's not worry about it too much. Let's just do our gargle Person of the Year. Tiff Stevenson, who do you think is the gargle Person of the Year? Well, I'm actually going to quote a comedian called Anthony Kapfer who tweeted, I think we can all agree Pete Davidson was the Person of the Year. Let's have a comedian. Let's have one of our own. And if I can't put myself on there, then, you know, let's have Pete Davidson. Sure. Why of our own and if i can't put myself on there then you know
Starting point is 00:31:05 let's have pete davidson sure why not you can put yourself on there i i nominate you tiff as person of the year okay all right well then can we all nominate each other and then that would be like really i'll put you on alice oh thank you i am a person you are a person and you made a whole other person out of your own body yes a couple of weeks ago I was multiple people. So it's a two for one. John Luke, who's the person of the year in your eyes? Can we do that? Wasn't there some year that they did something like
Starting point is 00:31:33 the person of the year was everybody or something like that? Let's just do that again. It's easier that way. Nobody gets offended. Everyone's a bit annoyed, but nobody's really, really... Oh, that's like the Edinburgh Comedy Award award the year they gave it to everyone like the second year they introduced the panel prize and they went yeah let's just oh we can't think of one this time everyone we're coming to the end of the edition flipping through the ads at the back uh john
Starting point is 00:31:59 luke have you got anything to plug yes my podcast sound heap still exists on the internet that sound heap uh sound heap the podcast of podcasts sound heap it's my life's work tiff stevenson have you got anything to plug i'm doing some shows at the vault festival in february i can't tell you exact dates but if you follow me on twitter and instagram or any of those i'll be putting them up i'll be doing mother and i'll be doing a work in progress of my new show As a Woman Overthinker. Very nice I have shows coming up next year in Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney and Edinburgh if you want to see or hear any of my work go to patreon.com slash Alice Fraser it's a one-stop shop for all of my stand-up podcasts blogs all of that thing you are listening to The Gargle is a co-production with The Bugle Podcast and Alice Fraser.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. And I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.

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