The Gargle - Power Rangers | Bees unleashed | Otter boom

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Felicity Ward and James Nokise join host Alice Fraser for episode 85 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!🦸🏻‍♂️ Power Rangers waiters♻️ Pl...astics not being recycled🐝 Bees unleashed on sheriffs🦦 Otter boom🤒 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Subscribe to these new Bugle Podcasts!Catharsis is a brand-new comedy/therapy podcast from Tiff Stevenson https://pod.link/TinyTop Stories is a daily celebration of the best of The Bugle https://pod.link/TopStories  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. loosely still be called human scavengers. Half cyborg, genes spliced with more resilient species to help them survive the harsh conditions, some of them with too many limbs, some with too many heads, all of them with not enough food. One, a child by up-city standards, three arms bare of metal, skin barely barnacled by the symbiotic chemical swamp beetles,
Starting point is 00:01:59 overturns a rusted tire to pick up scraps of delicious rubber off its underside. A gleam of something fresh catches her eyes. She turns her head to focus on the fluttering brightness with her peripheral eyes as well. Could it be? She reaches a trembling set of tentacles towards it. It's a hole. The Gargle, the sonic glossy
Starting point is 00:02:15 magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for Visual World. This is The Gargle. I'm your host Alice Fraser. We bring you satirical news for when you want all of the news and none of the politics. Your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are felicity ward and james no kise hey hello it's so nice to have you both uh back on the podcast james how's your head it's still attached that's the response of somebody who does not watch rupaul's drag race haven't had any complaints no did i just get completely found out on something?
Starting point is 00:02:47 I've been faking that for years and I just dropped the ball completely. It's really embarrassing because that's what you're known for too. Well, when you're like a well-dressed Polynesian, people will just assume you know everything about RuPaul. And I was like, no, I know nothing. Well, that's really disappointing. I feel betrayed. Also, Alice, may I say in that opening gambit,
Starting point is 00:03:05 I was like, mm, there's like nine words I don't know what they mean. Before we plug our three-way headphone splitter into the shared jack that is this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover. The front cover this week is a masked shot of Paris-based activist parkour collective On The Spot, who go around turning lights off in incredibly flashy ways, ironically enough. Why are they cool?
Starting point is 00:03:31 Because they're a Paris-based activist parkour collective enacting an environmental agenda while I can only assume their mistresses and wives both watch smoking together on a nearby croissant balcony. Have you heard about this activist group, Lizzie? I have heard about this activist group listy i have heard about this activist group that's a real surprise for me to know anything that's in the news yeah they go around and they do like parkour and turn off unnecessary lights outside of office hours they're like the coolest dad yeah yeah i mean parkour yes but also just a
Starting point is 00:04:02 big stick i think would probably do a similar job. You don't need to do a cartwheel, just a... Yeah, a broom will do the trick. Yeah, a broom will do the trick. James? I'm not a big fan of parkour, I'll be honest, because I used to get chased around the streets and it was just called chasing back when I was young.
Starting point is 00:04:20 And a broom in Samoan culture is a weapon, so this is a very triggering conversation. I'm so sorry. That's very culturally insensitive. Between this and the RuPaul, I've just never had such an offensive start to a Gargoyle episode. It's been rough. Did you know that there is such a thing as Paris syndrome, which is tourists who like think of Paris as this like beautiful, clean place where you just eat croissants overlooking the Eiffel Tower, turn up to actual Paris. And there's like a lot of dog poo on the streets and everyone's really rude and mean and they have a nervous breakdown it's a real phenomenon really yeah many Japanese tourists
Starting point is 00:04:53 because like the the idea of Paris in Japanese culture is a very particular idea that doesn't actually match up what they're thinking of is Euro Disney if they went to Euro Disney they would get that experience I'm sure there's like a little Eiffel Tower of is Euro Disney. If they went to Euro Disney, they would get that experience. I'm sure there's like a little Eiffel Tower somewhere in Euro Disney. Yeah. Let's make it real for them. I feel like growing up, all I thought about Paris when I was growing up was Madeline. Like that was my only real knowledge of Paris.
Starting point is 00:05:17 So you thought, go to Paris, get appendicitis. Yeah. And every young person my age was just dressed in those ridiculous clothes with the hat running around. Is that the little cartoon where they went, hello? I mean, that's probably my impression of most French anything. Hello. Do you know there's something called London Syndrome where people think that London is really dirty
Starting point is 00:05:42 and there's dog poo everywhere and people are going to be really rude and then they turn up and they end up living here for 10 years. I have it. The satirical cartoon this week is a factory representing the Tory party where a sign reads one day since the last humiliating failure of party unity under bad leadership. So let's see how long that winning streak lasts. So let's see how long that winning streak lasts. Power Rangers news now. And this is the news that restaurant workers dressed as Power Rangers fended off a man who followed and attacked a woman. James Nokise, you're a Power Ranger.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Can you unpack this story for us? Oh, Alice Fraser, how close to the bone you really are. I'm from New Zealand where the Power you really are for i'm from new zealand where the power rangers series are filmed uh this is an amazing story of a woman who ran into a korean restaurant where on a particular night the staff were trying out power ranger costumes and she was fleeing a man who may or may not have been on drugs but had nefarious intent and he came in and got a in a choke hold and the staff looked at the situation and unlike london staff who would probably go not having a bar of it i'm leaving they decided to embrace the costume and went maybe we are power rangers and just got involved got the man off he went and got another weird out mate and came back to rumble.
Starting point is 00:07:07 And they all looked at each other. We're going to rumble too. We're the Power Rangers. And they kept the guys out till the cops came. The cops took an insane amount of time to get there as well. And the woman was safe. The people who were dining in the restaurant got free food, as the Power Rangers should. And the staff are like, oh, we might keep the costumes. I think they should have paid extra. They got to see the Power Rangers in real life fighting a baddie. Dinner and a show, mate.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Yeah. The woman who was live tweeting all of this, which is where this new story comes from, and it's a very hilarious new story because it's literally just a journalist going, I'll just write down what they've tweeted. Or modern journalism, as it's sometimes known. And they went, no, no, we're not eating for free. We're going to give you a tip. We're going to give you money. And it's just, I think this restaurant is now going to, it just has to rebrand as a Power Rangers restaurant, surely.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Celestia? It's quite a wild story. And it's a really great story for everyone to retell except for the woman who ran into the restaurant in the first place. You know, everyone's like, guess what happened? This woman's been chased by a guy. And weirdly, like, the waiters were dressed as power rangers. Except when she has to retell the story, it's like saying,
Starting point is 00:08:22 I don't know if you've ever heard someone say that their partner died in a really hilarious way but it just like takes it just undermines the trauma really like imagine saying i had this really awful interaction with an ex and he chased me into this restaurant um but the waiters were dressed like power r. And, you know, like if you're the friend listening, you want to be compassionate, but also they're dressed as Power Rangers. What the f*** are you talking about? How do you be a good friend in that situation, listening to the story? You're fleeing someone who's on drugs.
Starting point is 00:08:59 I've got to get away from this drug menace. And you go into a restaurant in desperation to to flee this drugged up menace of a human being and then you see the power rangers you're like there has to be a moment which is for a second you're like maybe i'm the one on drugs exactly exactly if anything it's gaslighting my favorite bit about this is the photograph of the power ranger waiters who are all wearing um their power rangers outfits but because there are more waiters who are all wearing their Power Ranger outfits but because there are more waiters than there are colors of Power Ranger there are two pink Power Rangers and two yellow Power Rangers and they've just made them stand far apart from each other in the hope
Starting point is 00:09:35 that we don't notice just for balance for color balance I think you have to be very careful when you're going through yellow Power Ranger the pink pink power ranger then you've got the black power ranger and you just have to be very careful where you're putting the paws is it the black power ranger or is it the black power ranger different it has a different political insinuation definitely does we actually have uh black power in new zealand they're the second biggest gang uh and they do have rangers who sometimes go out and horses out in the uh wop wops in the rural areas amazing but it's a very different kind if you encounter a black power ranger you don't want to be dressed in red because
Starting point is 00:10:16 that's the color of the other gang black rangers and red rangers do not get along in new zealand i'm very glad that this did not happen in new Zealand then. This could have been a very different story. It was probably filmed in New Zealand. That's the hilarious part to me about this whole story. Heaps of New Zealand, and I'm not going to name names because no one should have to be shamed on a podcast about this, but a lot of New Zealand comedians have done their time as Power Rangers. For sure, as they should.
Starting point is 00:10:42 I mean, I assume as the unmasked Power Rangers because all of the Power Rangers action scenes are played by the same person. It's just each country has a different set of actors for the faces of the Power Rangers when they take off their hats. Mostly they sort of match body types, but occasionally in a country they won't match the body type particularly well. Oh, lovely stuff.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Love a lack of continuity. I only know this because I knew a guy who, as a pick-up line said, I'm the blue Power Ranger in Japan. I was like, okay. That's not a pick-up line. That's not a pick-up line. No. That's when's your mum picking you up.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by a family holiday. A family holiday, all of the people you love with no escape from the things that irritate you about them. Family holiday, a time to remember the things that in retrospect weren't that cool about your own childhood. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by animal noises. Surprisingly important when you're a baby, fairly useless thereafter, embarrassing to do in public
Starting point is 00:11:50 when you have forgotten to bring your baby, but you saw a surprise duck. Animal noises, commit to the bit. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by that stain on your couch. First, try rubbing it off with a soft cloth and up to half a glass of water, then give up forever and put a sheet over it until you can be trusted to hold food properly half a glass of water it's sort of a solution acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships houses divided corporate rivalry and a performance
Starting point is 00:12:47 enhancing broom it was a year i'd like to forget broom gate available now a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Environment news now, and this is sort of marginally depressing environment news, which is that only 5% of plastic waste that is generated in the U.S. last year was recycled, according to a report. Felicity Ward, you've recycled. Can you unpack this story for us? I have recycled, mate.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Yes, I have. Yeah, I mean, you've basically said everything that I know about the story, which is 95% of plastic doesn't get recycled. They've got different ratings of it, like the definition of what is recyclable. They're doing all right, I think, with paper and cans and all of that, but they're pretty behind and nascent in the stages of what to do with the plastic. Having said that, not a single type of plastic in the US meets the definition of recyclable. Now, you might think that's bad. I think the fact that they've managed to recycle five percent of something that is non-recyclable by definition is bordering on witchcraft. Like it's like you don't want to see the miracle. It's just there you know. America
Starting point is 00:14:20 is at the forefront of technology where they can recycle things that are not technically recyclable. The plastic bottles are a huge issue. I think there's stuff that corporations can do, but let's talk about the individual because that's where no real change occurs. So the thing is, if I buy just a plastic bottle of water from a shop, I still try to use it personally for as long as I can. So I will lose a fancy bottle and a plastic bottle at the same rate. They just cost me different amounts of money. So what I think we should do is I think we should ban plastic bottles and then like dogs, we start microchipping our fancy bottles that we buy, our reusable bottles.
Starting point is 00:15:07 And then you have a national database. And then if they get lost and they don't get reclaimed, you have a shelter for unreclaimed bottles. And then you've got like middle class people can start, you know, getting rescue bottles and they can brag about their origins. They're like, this one was just someone's bottles and they can brag about their origins. They're like, this one was just someone's owner and they were at a music festival. There was no toilet so they pissed in the bottle
Starting point is 00:15:31 and they just threw it aside. And then they can talk to their friends about how they've, like, brought it back into the world and it has confidence. And when they first got the bottle, it was really nervous and skinny and then they've given it so much confidence that it can hold water again. I mean, that's beautiful. I think we should start a religion where everyone believes that after they die, they just live in an eternity of their own rubbish that they've thrown away through the course of their life.
Starting point is 00:15:57 I imagine people would just then throw away really useful things. I've thrown away this king size bed. James? I found the interesting part was that the u.s had just been telling people they were recycling stuff and then just shipping it off to china to get burnt and then turning around and being like oh the chinese are the big polluters and then and then weirdly enough after enough of that rhetoric, China was like, oh, I don't think we're going to take any of your recyclable waste anymore. And that's when things began to keel over. With respect to our wonderful Chinese listeners, both governmental and just people, I think when you cede the moral high ground to China, you know, you're f***ed up.
Starting point is 00:16:44 I think what we should do is pretend all plastic is billionaires and fire it into space. I would actually just like to add, Alice, just because New Zealand is a member of the Five Eyes network, this is just jokes. It's just f***ing about. It's nothing serious. I mean, I have said I'm in Wellington, but you know, there's no need to come and check. It's fine. It's all good. Now it's time for your review section. As you know, each week we ask our guests to come in and review something out of five stars. James, what have you brought in for us this week? I have brought in the reason I couldn't do the last record that I was supposed to do, which is called vestibular migraines.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Anyone who follows me on social media will know since June, I've been having these spells of vertigo, which leave me lying on the ground, vomiting my guts out, sometimes in my father's house, but sometimes even better in my in-law's house. This is nothing like vomiting as an adult human being in front of your father-in-law while he's going, yeah, it's all right, mate. Pat, pat, pat. Yeah. No, it's a, there's no cure to the condition and it leaves you on the
Starting point is 00:17:49 ground. The whole world kind of tips to the side. If you close your eyes, you can't even lie on a bed because it's too soft and your body can't stabilize. So you would give it zero stars. But the medication that they've put me on to kind of dampen things is a heart medication where a side effect is it lowers my blood pressure. And if there's ever been a time in history where having being mandated a pill that lowers your blood pressure is convenient. Now is that time. So I'm actually going to give it two stars. Two stars out of five. Horrific.
Starting point is 00:18:22 But on the other hand, cool meds. And I'm not even taking a full tap i'm just taking a cheeky half and because i lived in london in the early 2000s taking a cheeky half as part of your daily routine not unfamiliar and makes you feel better really does felicity what have you brought in for us i've brought in tall men at gigs i went to a gig on sunday night i went to see pavement it's a 90s slacker rock indie band and showing my age. And I attract a certain man at gigs and that they're tall men. They absolutely love to stand in front of me.
Starting point is 00:18:56 I am 5'4 and it's almost like they can sense a slipstream behind them. So they just fall in front of me. It's like a gravitational pull. And I've never in my life stood behind a tall woman at a gig. I'm sure they exist, tall women. I've stood behind a taller woman, but just not a tall woman. And I think actually, if I saw a tall woman at a gig, I would be so impressed. It would be an honour to stand behind them. I think that gigs should be ordered by height. Sorry, like sorry to be a rock music fascist,
Starting point is 00:19:33 but we the hobbits have had enough. And the only reason I have great calves is for all of my life standing on my tippy toes trying to look over tall men's shoulders at music. Unfortunately now I also have very pronounced muscles in my neck as well, which has left me from some angles looking like a vase, as my mother has said. So we've got a couple of options. Tall men, you can choose which one works best for you. How tall are you, James?
Starting point is 00:20:03 Six. Yeah, okay. This is appropriate for you. Six one in james uh six yeah okay this is appropriate for you or six one in heels it's a six one in heels you do what's RuPaul you liar a Rugal would be ashamed to wear one inch heels that is a hundred percent true i get vertigo i get vertigo he loves the kitten heel he loves a kitten heel so you've got a couple of options you can choose james which works for you i'm a benevolent halfling um shortest at the front all the way to tallest at the back or the treatment at the back um second tallest down the front but seated no standing lockable seat belts for the entirety of the gig
Starting point is 00:20:40 and finally tall people in the stands or the circle once you're in your own area not our problem fight it out we don't care so i'm gonna give tall men a i'm also gonna give them a two out of five two out of five i think yes school photo rules yes you can you can kneel up the front yes or you go up the back yes Yes. Or summer camp rules. Photo rules. You're on one knee, chin shelf. I reckon what you've been dealing with a bit though, Felicity, is like some
Starting point is 00:21:13 really struggling to emote men who are like, oh, baby, if I just stand in front of her, she'll want to go on my shoulders. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. That'll work, mate. Yeah, I'm totally alright with a tall man who stands in front of me if he's to go on my shoulders yeah oh absolutely that'll work mate yeah i'm totally all right with a tall man who stands in front of me uh if he's wearing a harness and is just like hop on if you like and then i can swarm up him they had a mosh which i was very excited
Starting point is 00:21:33 about and i it was i should have done it but i was like should i crowd surf i've i've i always wanted to crowd surf as a teenager and i never did it and I used to be the perfect weight to crowd surf which is no weight at all um I am not no weight at all anymore but I was like I want to get up there I didn't do it I love a mosh it's not as fun uh particularly if you're a parent now I used to like roller coasters and then I recently went on a roller coaster I spent the whole time thinking this would be a really stupid way to die I have a baby oh I don't think like that anymore that's that's the first year you think like that anymore that's that's the first year you think like that and then afterwards you're like you know what we had a good run bees as weapons news now and this is the news uh that a lady has unleashed a swarm of bees
Starting point is 00:22:18 onto hampton county sheriff department deputies who were attempting to serve her an eviction notice felicity are you allergic to bees i'm not allergic to bees just not taking my makeup off the night before apparently um that's the only time i get swelling no i love bees absolutely love a bee my sister don't know why i'm telling you this used to pick them up by the wings and sing to them when she was a little toddler yeah what a weird little nature baby she was. This story, this is the dream situation. The protester has done something similar. I don't know if she's done this particular thing before,
Starting point is 00:22:57 but she is a protester and she was trying to stop a man from being evicted from his house by opening beehives on the sheriff. And can you think of anything more glorious? I wish that she dressed up like a haunted maid or like a Miss Havisham-style character and then just squeals, my eggs are shriveled, release the bees. That's the dream. That's the full dream. She faces multiple assault charges after unleashing the bees on the sheriff.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Is it one per bee? That's my question. That is my question. If she is, she's looking at life. She's looking at 50 to life because there were a lot of bees involved. The hypocrisy of all this is that she's trying to stop a man from being evicted out of his home and then she's just releasing hundreds of bees from their home it's a double eviction like where are the bees supposed to live the flowers and the trees now it's barbaric that's not how they were
Starting point is 00:23:57 raised james i think she should go all in and just erect a wicker man in the front lawn of the house just for when the cops come around going i mean you can come in here and get me if you want bees and a wicker man that's that's a hell of a sign what are you gonna do yeah it's interesting bees are such a jolly creature generally at a distance uh but once they get too close or are multiples then they become creepy i think they're one of the few animals that is like that actually actually i think that i take that back all animals except giraffes giraffes are benevolent at any distance i feel it's all fun and games until you're holding on to the food while they're still like when they start going up then it's not that benevolent then i reckon you could still get a hoof to the face from a
Starting point is 00:24:46 giraffe they're very tall we've discussed my issues with height already if they were in a hurry i'd be like at least kneecap height and i think that they'd have a decent kick on them yeah but they wouldn't have noticed you it'd be an accidental kick bees are just defending themselves man they commit suicide when they try to hurt you like it's a last resort i just i've got a lot of time for bees they're doing good things for the world and the environment they keep things moving along we get rid of the bees man it all falls apart also you're now in the uk where you have the bumblebee which is the most deranged creature that you could possibly imagine it's like a tiny little shower loofah
Starting point is 00:25:25 flying through the sky they're so fat and dumb and fluffy like me like come here little mate i am not scared of bumblebees at all like i i i would hold a bumblebee in my hand and go if you kill me worth it not kill me if you kill yourself yeah i'd keep a bumblebee in my pocket as a friend yeah totally wasps on the other hand over here which are not the same as wasps in australia wasps in australia as we know horrendous wasps over here are like a mean bee well wasps in australia are like you think wasps are normal and then you see the spiders in australia and you see like a huntsman you're like oh that is the scariest damn thing i've ever seen and then the locals are going oh yeah but there's a wasp that eats that you're like no the wasp is too
Starting point is 00:26:16 small and then you see the wasp and the wasp is not small and the wasp is borderline hornet i would i would say it's. It's definitely. Bigger. I mean, that's Australia. Everything's bigger and kills you. Do you know what? My fella is English. And when we went to Australia, maybe his second time, I think,
Starting point is 00:26:36 we went over to a friend's house for a barbecue. And there was the carcass of a huntsman spider on the ground. Pretty classic. But you're like, oh, sorry, honey. Yeah, you know, it's dead. It's fine. Outside having a barbecue. And then this tiger wasp comes over, the big orange leg spindle things down the bottom.
Starting point is 00:26:58 It goes over to the spider and then drags it over to a pot pot plant flying holding it dragging the dead body and i was like yeah that's pretty bad hey yeah no you're right to be scared of that that's not i'm not going to make fun of you that's a horror movie on the bright side it's recycling so that's where they lay their babies do you know that oh they get the carcass of a dead spider to lay their babies in it spider full of wasps is my next uh the next song i'm gonna write this is all why i told my australian wife we shall live in another country yeah yeah speaking of uh unexpectedly scary animals news now, and this is the news that in Singapore, the otter population is exploding out of control. Singapore, not known for its wildlife,
Starting point is 00:27:52 is currently home to an otter population who seemingly facing no natural predators are taking over. James, you've held hands once. Can you unpack this story for us? Thank you, Alice. As a former gang member myself in my youthy days, when I was into youth unity, I can tell you the otters have been absolutely out of control in Singapore. It's due to Singapore clearing up the environment. They've
Starting point is 00:28:21 really made an effort over the last few years to clear up the drains and waterways. And that's led to the otters not just breeding, but coming into the city. They've been eating a lot of koi or koi or koi, depending on what part of Japan you're a tourist in. And they've been going in groups of 10, even raiding households, raiding apartment blocks. The only actual predators they have are a small group of alligators who are in a musical circus on the northern end of Singapore. And so apart from that, the otters are just completely running right, but also stopping traffic because 10 otters trying to steal fish is adorable. So tourists have been pulling over, taking photos.
Starting point is 00:29:04 And so between the otters and the tourists, Singapore has got a real conundrum going on of their own making, which, again, is why environmentalism is bad. And I've always said so. We covered the initial seeds of this story where last year a British man living in Singapore was attacked by a pack of otters and bitten 26 times. We made a lot of fun of that man, but it turns out he was just the canary in the coal mine or the British jogger in the otter farm. I was not going to bring him up, Alice, because of the history of the show, but I still maintain that was not necessarily an attack as an Englishman in Singapore that was clearly the manifestation of ancestors seeking justice yeah in otter form Felicity have
Starting point is 00:29:52 you been attacked by an otter many times you'd be surprised actually I've been attacked by a coati a coati is a South American animal and it kind of it's like halfway between a dog and a raccoon but it looks like it's being pulled through a funnel. It lives in the trees. And I went to the Iguazu Falls on the border of, I think it's Paraguay and Brazil and Argentina. So I got there and we were like looking at these incredible falls and I had, you know, those little French fry chips. They're like crisps.ps i saw them at they were selling them i'm like i haven't had those for like 20 years so i bought a pack i was just eating them then there was this kuwati on the ground i'm like and i was walking towards me i'm like oh that's cool
Starting point is 00:30:34 kuwati then there was a couple more kuwatis i'm like yeah this feels like an ambush and then one of them got really close i'm like you're a confident kawaii and then he climbed up my leg scratched my leg and then stole my chips and ran off and then i had to go to a doctor and he didn't speak english and i didn't speak portuguese because we were in brazil at that point so we both had to like try to speak spanish to see what the problem is and i ended up getting a rabies shot which I had three months earlier as well it was fine double rabies shot so you are the least rabid person I am very unrabid thank you so much for noticing I do love the man being held down by otters how do you get pinned down by an otter well they're surprisingly strong little hands because they have to hold on to each other um in adorable ways all night and you know
Starting point is 00:31:31 hit rocks against each other and smash shellfish with the rocks on their chest so that i imagine they have the surprisingly strong grip of a toddler i reckon he had a shellfish to the throat just going you don't make any noise oh i love it i love it just their tiny little hands holding him down pinned to the ground the 26 bites i can accept being pinned to the ground it surely if they're all just holding on to you it's like a it's just like a fur coat i don't know also there was i saw that that when they're stealing koi, one homeowner lost $64,000 in koi. Like, if you've got $64,000 in koi, you have too much money and too much koi. You deserve it.
Starting point is 00:32:17 $64,000 of liquid assets eaten by otters. I think that Singapore have missed a trick here. I think they just need to put up a little sign above where they're living and just call it the ottoman empire oh well thank you thank you so much i have all the time in the world for an urban animal these otters have integrated into the urban matrix of singapore i think it's a great thing when there's a symbiotic. I love it. Like I love a sparrow in a supermarket. Love it. I once saw a cat eating a KFC family meal,
Starting point is 00:32:52 and I think it bought it with its own money. Well, cats get hangovers too, Alice. All right. Don't be so judgmental. I feel like this is something slightly different because it's not just like a random animal. It's gangs. It's legitimate gangs of otters roaming the streets, you know, swiping pins from cash machines, ram braiding. Well, James, maybe you need to go and de-radicalize
Starting point is 00:33:17 them. No, I'm terrible in that situation. I'll end up like leading a revolution. Yeah, I've always thought that. The otter king. king yeah that's all the time we have for the show this week we're flipping through the ads at the back uh felicity have you got anything to plug oh if you're in the uk or ireland i have a special on amazon prime part of this soho theater live my show name doesn't come up it's called busting a nut i've seen uh the show busting a nut so go and see uh that if you have access if you are in the uk or ireland or if you can pretend to be in the uk or ireland that's right uh by the magic of internet three little letters called vpn baby i do not endorse it it's illegal james what have you got to plug i have a new podcast coming out on the 15th of November, which I've been working on.
Starting point is 00:34:06 It's an investigative journalism podcast into world rugby and its relationship to the Pacific Islands. The pandemic took weird pivots for all of us. And I, being a soccer player who does stand-up comedy, ended up doing a rugby podcast where I interview politicians, the chairman of World Rugby, and a whole bunch of other people. And so that's called Fair Game, World Rugby Against the Pacific, and that's coming out where you can normally find podcasts in mid-November. Amazing. And it's got a kick-ass soundtrack as well,
Starting point is 00:34:41 because they gave me money and said, pick who you want, and I picked one of New Zealand's top hip hop producers to do it. So if nothing else, just listen to the first couple of minutes, because I promise you. Was it P-Money? It's not. It's not. He's better. He's better than P-Money, but good local knowledge.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Thank you so much. Five points to Ward. I don't know where that was sitting in my head. I would like to thank our roving reporters this week. Kieran Lee who sent in the recycling story. Sea Lips who sent in the Power Rangers story and Maud Subite who sent in the bee
Starting point is 00:35:13 attack story. If you would like to be a roving reporter, tweet us at HelloGogglers on Twitter. I am Alice Fraser. Find me online at alliterative, A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E on Twitter and Instagram or patreon.com slash alicefraser where you get all of my style specials for free as well as a weekly
Starting point is 00:35:30 Tea with Alice salon and we're also doing writers meetings now so if you're working on a creative project you can come and hang out with me and do some writing patreon.com slash alicefraser this is a Bugle podcast an Alice Fraser production your editor is Pet Hunter your executive producer is Chris Skinner I'll talk to you again next week you can listen to other programs from the bugle
Starting point is 00:35:49 including the bugle the last post tiny revolutions and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts the world today is angry and not just about the important stuff i I'm Tiff Stevenson and I'm annoyed you're listening to this and I know something random has pissed you off already today. So this show is a safe space for me, you and a funny guest to relive, release, unload on all of those things that make modern life so, well, like this. She hated me and that's the number one thing I don't like in a person, personally. I can take someone that I don't like. That's fine with me if I don't like you. But if you don't like me, that ruins me.
Starting point is 00:36:34 No beef too old. No fear too irrational. No opinion too unpopular. First of all, it's not growing out of my brain. It's what are you talking about? I mean, if your hair manifested the internals of your brain, there'd be a lot of people in mergers and acquisitions with tiny penises for hair.
Starting point is 00:36:48 But it's just the worst Medusa ever. From the Bugle, this is Catharsis.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.