The Gargle - Surfing otter | CBD floristry | Billionaire camp

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

Alison Spittle and James Nokise join host Alice Fraser for episode 121 of The Gargle - the glossy magazine to The Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world. All of the news, none of the politics!🦦... Surfing otter 🌼 CBD floristry🕵🏻‍♀️ Agatha Christie🛬 Billionaire camp💈 ReviewsHOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLEAdvertise YOUR business on The Gargle with an Alice Fraser ad read. Contact hellobuglers@thebuglepodcast.comPre-order the D'Ancey LaGuarde Reader book here! http://l8r.it/DHhGBuy tickets to The Gargle Live at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - Tue 15 and 22 August - go to https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/liveCONTENTS0:00 Start01:01 Front cover02:47 Story 1: A sea otter in California is hassling surfers and stealing their boards09:05 Ads09:41 And a new novel is out by D'Ancey LaGuarde13:19 Story 2: Rise of CBD shops in Barcelona 'posing as florists'18:03 Reviews25:49 Story 3: Over 100 tourists trapped for several hours in Agatha Christie's former home31:22 Story 4: Private jets descend on small town airport for billionaire summer camp35:30 Bye / Anything to plug? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. On a small planet at the outer rim of civilisation, one moonless night, every adult has the same dream. The dream of a chosen one, born in luxury, raised in hardship, hungry for a new world and driven, always driven, by the need for the gargle. This is the gargle. Hey. Welcome. This is the Sonic Glossy Magazine to the Bugles Audio Newspaper for a visual world. I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are James Nwokise. Hello.
Starting point is 00:02:07 And Alison Spittel. Pio, pio, pio, pio, pio. Hello. It's lovely to have you both on. We're going to put our oars in on each side of the paddle that is this week's top story. But first, let's have a look at the front cover. but first let's have a look at the front cover. The front cover this week is Ryan Gosling as Ken in the Barbie movie posing full frontal nude with a completely featureless crotch lump
Starting point is 00:02:34 embodying the epitome of modern Hollywood perfectly sexy asexuality and the smooth fullness of its glossy un-f***ability. So that's fun. And the satirical cartoon this week is a BBC headline that I saw and the BBC headline was, Has Influencer Boob Flash Harmed Women's Boxing? Which as a headline has achieved
Starting point is 00:02:54 an incredibly quantum feat which is to go so far through clickbait that I don't actually want to know what it's about. No, no that's perfect. Yep, it is sufficient unto itself. do you follow women's boxing at all uh allison james uh well yeah being an irish person katie taylor is our like most successful uh athlete so i and also like i went to school with a few boxers um they were like
Starting point is 00:03:23 they weren't different from other boys except they go like that occasionally so uh like a little hot wheels car or something like that so yeah i've been around a lot of boxers um and i enjoy watching boxing but i don't enjoy it when they hurt each other do you know just enjoy it when every punch misses. Yeah, like when they start bleeding, I'm like, no, this is not. My favorite bit of any boxing match is where they both get a bit tired and sort of come in and hug each other because they're too tired to stand up. Yeah, that's really nice. Oh, it's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Or they drink the water and then they spit it out again like sommeliers. Yes, delicious water. I like the hug bit because I think if they started the match with that, then they wouldn't have to do the rest of the match. That's so true. That's so beautiful. Our top story this week is other news without an H. It's otter news.
Starting point is 00:04:16 This is the news that an aggressive sea otter in California is stealing boards from surfers and riding them. James Nukise, you understand otters. Can you unpack this story for us? Yes. Well, being off the Pacific Ocean myself and having the facial hair texture of an otter, I took a particular interest in this story, Alice.
Starting point is 00:04:39 It's a five-year-old female sea otter whose official designation is 841 and she's been active in a surf spot a legendary surf spot called steamer lane which um is also the name of your creepy friend's favorite porno and she's been um it's very very unusual behaviour for a sea otter, we are told, by several professionals. What she's been doing is she has been hijacking surfboards off local servers. She mounts the board, sort of stares them down.
Starting point is 00:05:17 As I said, her official name is 841, but the locals are referring to her now as the captain. I think that is correct i think if you bully someone 20 times your size off their surfboard and claim it as your own you are the captain it's it's an extraordinary feat but i think what's even more extraordinary here is uh the cognitive dissonance between the u.s officials and the otters behavior because they're like this we don't know why this has happened they've offered uh the u.s fish and wildlife service it says they it is unusual but they're just not sure maybe humans fed it uh or maybe it's just hormonal surges because when a woman is acting weird it's probably just hormone shit. Am I right, Otter Guys?
Starting point is 00:06:07 Alison? Well, like what I love about this story is that they've offered two different solutions, the Afaris, right? One is hazing, which I didn't know existed before for animals. But it's a type of harassment where you would you would make the animal feel that maybe starvation is a better option than staying in this place and you would have to harass the animals until they leave or the other one is and this feels like this feels like the end of any 90s film where and if there's any 90s film where there's an eccentric animal euthanasia is always offered as a solution and i I'm just thinking, like, any animal that shows a bit of character,
Starting point is 00:06:48 like, don't kill it. Why do we have to do that all the time? If a worm wants to wear sunglasses, let them live. That's what I say. What 90s films are you watching that end in euthanasia? Well, like, isn't, like,
Starting point is 00:07:02 Annie kind of, like, maybe I'm retroactively misremembering this but i always when free willie jumps over the wall it's covered in spikes yeah but it's always like okay et et is the number one it's the ultimate animal film you got a small boy called elliot you got a little creature and then what the fbi come along and they just want to do experiments on it and then and eventually like yeah famous for euthanasia famously short for euthanasia look every every every member of authority is eventually euthanasia we do threaten violence that is what we are as a society so like i just i just feel like it's what is this this otter
Starting point is 00:07:43 um if somebody was trying to steal your car and you're holding onto it and then it starts biting chunks out of the side of your car, give them your car. Give them your car. Like, I've seen a video of this otter doing a surf hijacking. Not only did it get on top of it,
Starting point is 00:08:02 but then when you kind of grip onto it more, they grip the other side and then eat chunks out of it and it's just like if you saw that in a prison that person would be the king of the prison you know you there's no they're they're the top of the apex they're the apex of this food chain above animals and yeah um sorry for i i skipped there from euthanasia to prison um which feels like a very mean pathway. Well, I'm still stuck on the idea that E.T. is just a really eccentric animal.
Starting point is 00:08:31 That's what it is. That is not E.T. The story of an eccentric animal that is intended to be euthanized. It's a chihuahua that got stung by a bee. That's all it is. The Macaulay Culkin My Girl thing. Do you remember that? Yeah, I don't think the bees get euthanized in that.
Starting point is 00:08:50 I think Macaulay Culkin gets euthanized. By the bees. It's the only film where it goes the other way around. My Girl is just a vengeance for E.T. Poor Macaulay Culkin got the brunt of that when it should have been the fbi but look what can we do but here's the thing right here's the thing because we're talking films films have narratives anyone who's familiar with narratives when they're going we don't know why this otter's behaving so weird the sea otter there's about 3 000 of them they're
Starting point is 00:09:22 on the endangered species list they were thought that it stinked until like the 1930s. This particular otter was actually raised in captivity. It was born in captivity because its mom got too friendly with humans, which is an actual sentence from a press release that was not proofread. So this otter comes from a people who have generational trauma through near extinction, got raised and was hazed off from humans last year and now has come back.
Starting point is 00:09:54 And the scientists are saying it's lost its fear. Like this otter is gangster. That's what's happening. This otter is from the streets. This otter is going to, if they drive it off again, it's coming back with a knife. Wow. It's like Too Furry, Too Furious.
Starting point is 00:10:10 I'd love to see that film where it's just some otters going, we're family. Yeah, yeah. And then surfing in. Yeah, yeah. By the 10th movie, they're firing surfboards into the sun. Dwayne DeRock Johnson shows up halfway through the series as an elephant seal.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. If you're looking for a simple recipe for simple syrup to zazz up your cocktails, mocktails or sincere compliment tales, you've come to the right place. Add about half a cup of sugar in a one-to-one ratio with the same amount of water and stir well to taste. For a complicated recipe for simple syrup, it's the same ingredients, but you have to gather them by the light of the full moon and mix them inside a circle of fresh herbs. The sugar has to be ethically sourced, including within its ethical sourcing an absolute lack of Western colonial trade routes, and the water needs to be in half a glass of pure heirloom crystal. It'll taste much the same, but you'll feel sm smugger and a new novel is out by self-published romance maven and online bestseller dancy lagarde
Starting point is 00:11:10 the seals is sexy seal a futuristic supernatural navy seals romance mystery with a thruple twist dane and sebastian are seals not real seals but navy seals and brothers not real brothers but the kind of brothers you are when you're both navy seals they're bonded through the camaraderie of their elite military unit through their shared serbinetic implants and through an ancient blood bond ritual that should have killed them along with the rest of their unit back in the war in the unspecified place that we won't name lest it make us feel weird for romanticizing these dudes or ask what they actually did for work other than sit-ups to maintain their perfectly rock hard and mysteriously oily abs loose on the road after 20 years of military service they're looking for the home they've
Starting point is 00:11:50 never had among the people they've always protected but never truly known persia is a small town operator of heartstone a homely roadside in by the main coastline all she wants is a normal life in her small town and no complications orphaned from birth raised an experimental facility she is also a seal which is to say not a real seal but a real half seal who has to spend time regularly both on water and on land leaving her skin discarded on the shore business is slow and she likes it that way when two abstricken men knock at her inn's door during an ice storm little does she know that they're about to turn her life and her vagina upside down oh no not her vagina trapped together in the inn while the storm rages outside dane and sebastian both find themselves drawn to the buxom persia both seeing each other's love and being too honorable to act on it lest they interfere with each other's brotherly penis while fetching cocoa
Starting point is 00:12:40 in the kitchen persia finds herself standing too close to dane mainly because of his extraordinary masculine bigness filling up most of the floor space. While selecting a book from the library, she falls from a ladder and is caught by Sebastian, who happens to be shirtless for reasons that are adequately explained during the book. Persia is torn by the reawakening of her sexual self after years of celibacy and equally attracted to both men.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Heated dreams and scenes of individual furtive and variously guilty self-fingering follow on all fronts but the triangular tension rising between them can never be indulged until one day, certain she's come to some harm while quote-unquote fishing in the freezing water of the harbour Sebastian and Dane catch Persia coming nude from the ocean switching her body from sexy seal to sexy lady and realise she may not be the conservative girl next door
Starting point is 00:13:22 they'd both sexistly projected her to me can these three sort of seals seal a pact between them She may not be the conservative girl next door. They both sexistly projected her to me. Can these three sort of seals seal a pact between them for a logistically complex but mutually satisfactory throupling? Can Dane and Sebastian resolve their complex trauma from the loss of all their comrades through the sensual embrace of a good woman? Can they protect Persia from the sinister wizard slash professor who wants to kidnap and study her?
Starting point is 00:13:41 The answer is yes. But you'll have to find out how in The Seals' Sexy Seal, now out on all remote rocky shores and in all good ancient ballads. And that's your ad section for today. I had a cocaine dream like that one. I mean, yeah, it's one
Starting point is 00:14:01 of those ones that you have to read. I think it's one of about 14 Sexy Ses books in the Dancy Lagarde oeuvre. In my head, I was just fully imagining her as a SEAL, flirting with those men and running a hotel with a little hat on. I just want to say that. I mean, if you are a man who is attracted to a SEAL, just make sure they don't get their nose under your balls. I mean, that could be said for everything, couldn't it? It's a very sensitive area, and the skin is very breakable. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom.
Starting point is 00:15:14 It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Floristry news now, and Barcelona traders have demanded
Starting point is 00:15:41 action over the rise of CBD shops that are posing as florists. Alison Spittel, you grow flowers on your balcony. Can you unpack this story for us? I must say, very legal flowers. The most legal of all legals. And yes, so apparently Barcelona's old city has been overrun by what they call weed shops, right? Which are like legal shops.
Starting point is 00:16:07 I never knew this, but I've been to Barcelona this year and I never knew that apparently Barcelona has very similar laws to Amsterdam. So there are places that you can go to that you can smoke weed, but there's lots of rules and it's not... The authorities do raid sometimes. So it's semi-legal in a way. They do exist. And apparently there's loads of parts of old Barcelona
Starting point is 00:16:32 that have been taken over by cannabis shops, but they call it, because it's kind of semi-legal, they can't tell the council it's weed shops. So what they say it is is that they're florists because weeds are a type of flower and the stuff that they sell to sell seeds they sell lamps they sell a load of cbd oil which i have been told like does cbd oil actually work because like i get told by some people it does and some people it doesn't and both of those people I trust is like hypnotism in a way I'm just very confused what there are complaints about is that the the THC which makes
Starting point is 00:17:11 you high is not involved in a lot of products but it is involved in some products so it is an ingredient in cannabis that produces a high and they sell lollipops that have THC in it, like some of these shops, which I think to get high via lollipop is probably the most uncoolest way to get high. Like I would rather a suppository, like if you could give me THC in a suppository that I had to take publicly, I would rather do that than suck a lollipop, to be honest with you. Any lollipop is a supp with you any lollipop is a suppository if you're using it wrong i suppose alice there is that old saying anything is a suppository if you try hard enough you know yeah as all of my doctor friends who've ever worked in
Starting point is 00:18:03 an emergency department are eager to tell you. I think my favourite part of this story is that 118 new florists have opened in Ciutat Vela, which is the suburb in which these florists, quote unquote florists, are all opening. But Barcelona's Florist Association, on being approached, says it is unaware of any boom in flower selling. James? I like the part where they're like, look, we are florists who just happen to sell bongs and THC lollies. Because as we all know, a bong is just an emergency vase waiting to happen.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Oh, wow. That'd be the grimmest Mother's Day ever. Just some stoner young lad giving his mum some flowers in a box. Flowers in a box. Flowers in a box sounds like a 1970s anthem of some sort. It really does. So, yeah, it's interesting.
Starting point is 00:19:04 I went to Barcelona this year and didn't notice that phenomenon at all but i was just very interested in tapas to be honest with you like yeah i feel very uncool well who's going to barcelona to buy flowers like that's the weirdest thing about it being a tourist trap like like people oh yeah they're setting up to trap the tourists. But no tourist is going anywhere in the Mediterranean and going, oh, and we must buy flowers while we're here. Well, I have a friend who, when she travels,
Starting point is 00:19:37 buys flowers because she has cats, and the cats will eat the flowers if she buys them at home. So when she's away from home, when the cat's away, or when the person's away from the cat, the mice will buy flowers wow yep that's a very bad story but yeah i it was relevant and so i thought it might be interesting and then i said it wasn't interesting so i apologize that is interesting don't you i'm just there was a part of me that paused because i was like how long is your friend staying in a place? I suppose maybe if it's a week or two,
Starting point is 00:20:06 you are getting the best of those flowers. Your friend is dead right. And don't you ever second guess yourself about what is interesting, what isn't interesting. Thank you. If it comes out of your mouth Alice, it's interesting. Now it's time for your reviews. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors
Starting point is 00:20:24 to bring in something to review out of five stars. James, what have you brought in for us this week? Look, I've brought a combination. It's this haircut, which I got today. And it's very sharp. You'll see he lined me up. Amazing hair. Probably one of the best barbers in the world.
Starting point is 00:20:40 I won't say his name out of respect and love. Because you wouldn't want to advertise him. in the world does uh you know i won't say his name uh out of respect and love but one star because while he was lining me up and if you for listeners who don't know what that means is when they get the razor blade and make sure it's really nice and i he goes are you doing a podcast tonight because we've been talking i go yeah yeah i've been listening to this podcast and he interviewed that guy andrew tate and man you know some good points and just started going off to me about the other side of the andrew tate case and how we've got now you and listeners might be going well surely you're about it no because he had a razor blade to my temple while he's got saying it's the most outrageous outlandish stuff i'd heard and and
Starting point is 00:21:22 he's been my barber for years when i'm in new zealand he's my guy we've never had anywhere close to this kind of conversation and so i've got to give him i can't give him zero stars because it's a good fade and it's lined up properly but i can't also i can't give him five stars because rape apology and human trafficking so So one star for my barber today. I feel like if anyone is going to interview Andrew Tate, the only question they ought to ask him is, have you ever done anything good for anyone in your whole life? Because even the things on which he prides himself
Starting point is 00:21:58 are just sleazy, seedy, disgusting, exploitative behaviours in order to get power over more people who he then exploits and makes worse. I just don't think he's ever made anyone's life better in the world. Now, look, just for anyone who thinks I'm crowbarring Andrew Tate into this, this is how we got to Andrew Tate. Are you doing a podcast? I've been listening to a podcast. The podcast is for tax advice. It's a US tax advice, and he's a New Zealand citizen, but I couldn't point that out because razor blade to my temple. On the podcast, they interviewed Andrew Tate.
Starting point is 00:22:31 We have never talked anything around Andrew Tate or any toxic mess, any of that stuff. We usually just talk about Taika Waititi films and the All Blacks, like every other New Zealand barbershop. Somehow, we ended up on the Cobra. Alison, what have you brought in for us to review this week? So many times I think probably my most inspired reviews have been ones that have been very last minute.
Starting point is 00:22:57 And so today I thought I would review the act of scatting. So scatting is improvised mouth noises and I'm going to do that for you right now and we'll review it together okay I'm living my Kim Cattrall era okay
Starting point is 00:23:16 3, 2, 1 a beep bah a bow a ba ba ba do a a a a a a chicken a chicken a so I think if we could listen to that. I'm going to give that, yeah, a three out of five. I mean, I would have that as my ringtone, which I think is the qualification for good scatting.
Starting point is 00:23:43 Could you imagine being in a fear? Watching a player. Beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop trick where they've got their nose on your balls, maybe that's the sound that you would make. Or like, can you imagine that's the last sound you hear before you hear the worst news you've ever heard in your life? So you're like, I wonder... Oh, I wonder who this is. Hello?
Starting point is 00:24:20 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah. It's the local police. What? Oh'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah. It's the local police. What? Oh, my God. There was like a famous Italian song. I don't know if you guys have seen it.
Starting point is 00:24:33 And it was an Italian comedian. And he made a song kind of like that of just like English words to prove that in Italy back in like the 70s. It's so good. I want to hear it. in Italy back in like the 70s. It's so good. It's so funny because it's like, and everyone's like, yeah, it was like a number one hit in Italy and it's just nonsense. It's extraordinary.
Starting point is 00:24:58 And the music video is excellent. Oh, incredible. It just does an incredibly existential job of unanchoring meaning from reality but in a joyous way um incredible it feels like yeah the perfect distillation of positive nihilism and i'm for it uh so how many stars i'm gonna go three out of five because i think it would be hubris to mark myself and my art as i'm to give it a three out of five. Three out of five.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Well, I'll give you a five out of five for your scatting. Just off the top of the head, you didn't even warm up. You weren't even in a jazz club. You're not even wearing a beret. You haven't got any of the equipment, which is normally for the, you know, high wire act of scatting.
Starting point is 00:25:37 You need to have all of the safety equipment on and you've managed to do it free will and off the top of your dome. So five stars from me. I also have brought in a review this week. Unusually, I have brought in a review. And I would like to review having your Airbnb broken into and all of your audio equipment stolen,
Starting point is 00:25:54 which is what happened to me this week. We went away for the weekend to visit some friends. And my dad arrived from Sydney to our flat. And we had left the key with a local business person and he took the key and approached the door but it was unnecessary for him to have the key to open the door because the door had been kicked in and all of our stuff had been overturned and rummaged
Starting point is 00:26:17 and I now have no stuff. So, upsides, it wasn't me coming back from a trip with my toddler on my hip to find uh a kicked indoor uh downsides it was my dad after a 26 hour flight which is the last time in the world that you want to be dealing with like an emergency locksmith uh so i'm gonna give it 0.5 of a star 0.5 of a star for getting all your stuff nicked while away on a delightful holiday the holiday was good though so maybe one star but
Starting point is 00:26:50 the upside which might redeem this whole experience is that this podcast at the moment I am doing on a boat ah yeah I'm on a canal boat quite near to where I'm staying and it's delightful because last year I was staying on a uh it's delightful because last year i was staying
Starting point is 00:27:06 on a boat last year this time last year i was staying on a boat and i would walk past this podcasting boat every day and i would think i should do a podcast on the podcasting boat wouldn't that be fun and despite all of the terrible circumstances that have led to that being the case now i am now on the podcasting boat and it's a delight i think it's called the pod boat or the boat pod and I don't think it would be a Google problem because I can't imagine very many of them exist. James?
Starting point is 00:27:31 Look, we've been friends for a long time now but I have to say sometimes Alice, I go, what is your life? What is my life? So this isn't the first time I've done a podcast on a boat because last time I did it this time last year I was on a boat and also doing podcasts but this is a specific podcasting boat because last time I did it, this time last year, I was on a boat and also doing podcasts. But this is a specific podcasting boat and you probably can tell
Starting point is 00:27:48 from the audio quality that it is a specialised podcasting boat. You can't even hear the geese that are having a fight outside right now. That's how optimised it is. Incredible. On a boat pod, no one can hear you scream. It's like space. It's incredible. And that brings us to the end of our review section.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Now it's time for your mystery news. And this is in a thing that should be in an Agatha Christie novel but isn't. More than 100 tourists were trapped for several hours in the former home of famed British mystery writer Agatha Christie. So I feel, you know, that's a pretty exciting scenario for murder, unfortunately for all of us, but fortunately for all of them, no one was murdered during the process of this being trapped briefly in the house as a stormy weather knocked over a tree blocking the road, which would have let them out. James Nokise, you understand the dark heart of British mystery writing.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Can you unpack this story for us? Well, look, as you said, it was over 100 people who a tree fell down blocking the way out in Greenway, which is the name of Agatha Christie's former house where she spent a lot of time playing clock golf, whatever upper class British shit that is, croquet, and of course thinking up complicated ways to murder people. Now, it wasn't just tourists. There were staff, there were volunteers, and one small Belgian with a large moustache
Starting point is 00:29:24 who kept on asking people questions about the fallen tree and their whereabouts. They apparently passed the time, it was hours, and this is from reports, just drinking tea, which is the most British thing. British thing. And more importantly, they were praising that the tea was free, which is almost too British to be stuck in a mystery writer's house drinking free tea. I mean, it's pretty cool, man. This is what we paid the big bucks for. I mean, this was reported to Devon Live,
Starting point is 00:29:58 which is the local news station by a woman called Carolyn Heaven. If I can just stop you there, Alice, Devon Live is actually an oxymoron. Nothing in Devon feels alive. It is one of the most boring places in the United Kingdom. Well, she reported this whole situation. She was saying she was very grateful to the staff at the Agatha Christie House
Starting point is 00:30:19 who were looking after the tourists for giving them this free tea. But she commented that it's all a bit bleak, which I think, I mean, I feel like you're getting your money's worth in an English country home if it's a bit bleak. Yeah, what do you explain? It's England.
Starting point is 00:30:36 With respect to our many employers. But it's England. Of course it's bleak. That's why you came. I mean, if I was a tourist on that trip, I would kill someone. It was just the opportunity would feel too great. Just for bragging rights.
Starting point is 00:30:53 Yeah, I feel like Agatha would be screaming in my head, please, for me, kill someone. So, yeah. And it's always like people get murdered in Agatha Christie, in any kind of British detective drama, in such fiendish ways. Do you know what I mean? And it's always over a will or an employment dispute. Like, it's never really a crime of passion,
Starting point is 00:31:18 any of these Agatha Christie kind of things. It's always a disgruntled butler. And maybe the tree... Well, I mean, yeah, I feel like it would always a disgruntled butler and um maybe maybe well i mean yeah i feel like that it would be a fairly short mystery book if uh the detectives walk in and there's a lady standing over the body of her husband holding a large little teapot and looking guilty but it's more realistic do you know what i mean it's always it's always i mean unless unless she's not the murderer in which case that's a great book someone write that book someone write that like it's always like um it's always like a groundskeeper that does like an incredible um poisoning plot through
Starting point is 00:31:57 through um put by putting too many apple seeds in an apple by growing uh for a couple of years like he grows an apple that has so many apple seeds in it that like the cyanide becomes too much and kills this one person like it feels like it's always that kind of plot and i love it as well that these people are blocked in by a tree like they could leave any other exit i'm sure like uh they said they were trapped but they basically were just waiting for help in a warm sheltered place they chose that yeah it's a hundred a hundred people can can lift the tree come on that's yeah work together or start or start the thunderdome that you're all hoping will happen oh I'd love that I mean you're right I think someone could have died at the Agatha
Starting point is 00:32:43 Christie house I just think that if you are someone who wants to murder someone, you wouldn't do it at Agatha Christie's house because no one would believe that it was real. I would hate to die at Agatha Christie's house. I am always afraid of dying in an ironic way. I think, you know, people don't want horrific deaths or to have lonely deaths I don't want to have an ironic death you know you prefer horrific to ironic yeah yeah I want I want someone like when they hear about my death to either go oh or oh no you know what I mean I don't want that kind of noise so you prefer your last thoughts were oh oh, no, instead of, ah, I can't believe it. Exactly, exactly. I would rather if someone reacted to my death and go, oh, my God, no, than, you know. Oh.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Now it's time for our private jet news. Now it's time for our private jet news. And this is the news that the small town of Sun Valley in Idaho is apparently hosting what is called the Summer Camp for Billionaires, Alan & Co.'s annual conference. So there's so many private jets piling up that they're having to stack them on top of each other like chips. Alison Spittel, you understand billionaires. Can you unpack this story
Starting point is 00:34:05 for us well if there was ever a place that needed an agatha christie style death we've got it right here so this place um this is a small small it's what's it called sunny valley is that what it's called sun valley yeah sun valley in idaho um it's a it's a small place that hosts a conference every year hosted by this company called Allen and Co I think it's called which um I'd never heard of before and had to google and that's when you know it's a billionaire high quality uh uh company when you when when the lay person hasn't heard of it like if I've heard of Lancome I've heard of her maze um i've heard of uh hsbc that that's all that's all uh that's all you've heard of yeah that's all that's the only yeah it's very hard to couple together a meal
Starting point is 00:34:56 but like you know they're supposed to be a high quality product but i've heard of it so i know the billionaires don't use it they use like soap made by futelstein and co or whatever and this is like this is an annual conference has been happening since the 80s and it's hosted the worst of the worst bastards of all time and this year is no different and i love that they call it a summer camp for billionaires because at summer camp, you know, you're going to make, like, macaroni pasta shape paintings and stuff. But at this billionaire camp, like, I don't know officially,
Starting point is 00:35:37 but there's definitely been at least five human sacrifices, I'd say, since the 1980s. Just has to be. Yeah, in a normal children's summer camp, there's only one or two. human sacrifices, I'd say, since the 1980s. Just has to be. Yeah, in a normal children's summer camp, there's only one or two. Well, apparently most of the incoming flights are operated by a private charter company because billionaires have now clocked onto the fact
Starting point is 00:35:57 that with satellite imaging, people can track their planes. And, you know, having to lodge flight plans means that, you know, there are all these online flight trackers. So at least community work has meant that billionaires can't fly their own private jets anymore and they have to rent one, which is, I don't know. I don't know why that's satisfying to me, but it is. I know because it's definitely been soiled. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:36:19 You're going to go in and you're going to just smell Bill Gates off it. This is not the luxury that I wanted. Isn't it mad that, like, billionaires are aware that we can see them and we can follow and track their whereabouts, yet they will not change their behaviour in destroying the earth. They're like, we'll just rent a jet instead of being nicer and, you know, not causing a climate crisis. I don't like the idea of anyone sort of feeling unsafe or anything,
Starting point is 00:36:46 but also the fact that billionaires are constantly tracking our whereabouts using our devices. It does feel a little bit like Turnabout is fair play. James? Oh, look, I'm still looking forward to the announcement next week that the billionaires have figured out their new environmental procedures for their companies from getting together in the wonderful Sun Valley with all of their private jets. I do worry about the current protests going on with like the Writers Guild and the Screen Actors Guild because the billionaires are like the head of Apple, the head of Disney. This is like the one time you don't want all those guys
Starting point is 00:37:26 getting together in a valley with Coke and wine. Yeah, you don't see what Mickey Mouse does in the next three years. Just walks around with a crowbar going, I told you guys! Taking out vigilante justice on the people. Leave Bob Iger alone! It'll just be, you know. And that brings us to the end of the show.
Starting point is 00:37:50 I'm flipping through the ads at the back. Alison, have you got anything to plug? Yeah, so I'm plugging my show. 125 every day. It's called Soup. It's about 5% about soup at this stage. A lot about CPTSD. And worms.
Starting point is 00:38:04 So if you want to come watch that it's at 1.25 every day at the Hive One you can see me on social media I'm going to go on tour with this show soon I've got works and progresses I've got one show next week, Wet in Southampton just go to my Instagram
Starting point is 00:38:20 and go to the link tree, you'll find all the information there. Do go and see Soup I had brunch with Alison. We talked through the show and it is brilliant even when just spoken to me over toast. So it's going to be even more brilliant in a room with an audience in front of them.
Starting point is 00:38:34 So James Nukise, what have you got to plug? I've got my Edinburgh show actually, which is at 6.45 at the Stand 4 and is called Right About Now and funnily enough is about dealing with people you care about and are close to you
Starting point is 00:38:51 who start going down rabbit holes and believing in dumb shit. Can I also just acknowledge for some of the gargle listeners not all of the gargle listeners but the ones who also had a small heart attack the gargle listeners, not all of the gargle listeners, but the ones who also had a small heart attack when Alison said that she was going to do her scat impersonation
Starting point is 00:39:12 and didn't immediately think of music. No, they went straight to YouTube, even if they were watching it on podcast. They're like, get me on YouTube here. It was such a wholesome thing in the end. And for a moment, I was like, what in God's name is Alison about to do? A very different but equally inappropriate ringtone, that.
Starting point is 00:39:35 So, yes, go and see James' show in Edinburgh. James always has a brilliant show, and it's usually a pay-what-you-want show, which means that if you're on a budget and you want to see some excellent, high- comedy um for non-billionaire prices you can go and watch james no key say and we've got a book coming out the gargle the last post the bugle verse is is has coalesced into the creation of the dancy lagarde reader which is currently sitting at about 200 funded but you can buy a pre-order a copy of the dancy lagarde reader if you go to
Starting point is 00:40:04 unbound.com and type alice fraser into the bar, I do not recommend typing Dancy Lagarde into the search bar because I guarantee you will spell it wrongly. Uh, but, uh, you can pre-order a copy and, uh, the more orders of, of the book that we get, the more I can hire a babysitter to give me time to write them. So that's, that's the upside of that. And also you'll get a beautiful either e-copy or hard copy of the actual book, a book that exists only because of so many stupid things happening in a row that it couldn't not. Also, I have a show in Edinburgh. It is called Twist, and it is at 8.30 p.m. at the Underbelly Bristow Square.
Starting point is 00:40:42 The rest of the stuff you can find me online at patreon.com slash alicefraser. I run a weekly writer's meeting, which is just a lot of fun. Patreon.com slash alicefraser for a dollar a month. You get a weekly writer's meeting, two salons and a book club, which is extremely worth your money. You can also pay more money if you want to, because, you know, you value my time in a way that I don't. This is a Bugle podcast and Alice Fraser production.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. Your editor is Ped Hunter. I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from the Bugle, including The Bugle, Catharsis, Tiny Revolutions, Top Stories,
Starting point is 00:41:18 and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.

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