The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 23 – Trauma Centaur

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

One of Kaneepo's lieutenants tests the mettle of the party. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/nPo5pS2hPbs This episode was sponsored by Demiplane, Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. Check out Demiplane's Pathfinder Nexus and character creation tools at https://bit.ly/GCNOfficialTools See why tabletop gamers everywhere have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/GCN to get 10% off your first month. Visit https://zbiotics.com/GCP to get 15% off your first order when you use "GCP" at checkout. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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you are listening to the glass cannon network the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. This is what they look like. They're like the tooth fairy things from Hellboy. In fact, let's be honest, it's a tooth fairy swarm. Roll for initiative. Nobody likes a swarm. You both take four points of bludgeoning damage.

You're still up. Oh my gosh. Right? I had five hit points. Oh my gosh. Let's go to work. The range of emotions we've seen in like this 10 seconds. No, for real, it's wild.

That is nine points of fire damage. Okay. And it dies. Oh, come on! Shall we continue through this next doorway? You open the door. Oh.

I see something. There is a decked out female centaur. What? And she holds in one hand an enormous longsword and in another hand a huge steel shield. Hi.

Um, my name is Asta. I am Sala. Captain Sala. Captain Sala. While I regret not being able to have the time to learn about you as the Slim has, I promise I will take my time with you posthumously to learn everything about you inside and out. You are not worthy

and I will prove it. The adventure continues now. No. hey welcome back to the glass cannon podcast the only actual play podcast featuring not one, but two convicted felons. I didn't think we were talking about that on air. We'll never say. Show yourselves.

You know what? I bet you want a Sydney. What? You just give me those vibes. What in the world? Let me guess. It was a crime of passion. Look at this.

She's got a dagger next to her and a calculator. It was a maniac. It was calculated. It was an accident. White collar criminal Sidney Emanuel over there? Yep. I'm over here just doing fraudulent taxes. Let's be honest.

How many people here are comfortable talking about the time they got arrested? I never got arrested. I've never been arrested. Kate, come on. Wait, hold on. Never. I never got arrested. I've never been arrested. Kate, come on. Wait, hold on. Never have I ever been arrested. Yeah. I've never been arrested.

I've never been arrested. I've been arrested. No, you have not. Skid's the felon. Skid's the felon. He's the one that's been arrested, but he's not the only convicted felon. he's not the only convicted felon. Dun, dun, dun!

I will say, I was thinking about this the other day because I got arrested and I was in jail and, you know, they take your belt and everything and I'm just like, man, this sucks. And we're sitting... That was the top of the list?

The belt? Well, one day I choose oversized pants. It's one of the reasons I was so glad I got TSA pre-checked, because it's just like, I just want to have some dignity. I want to be able to keep my belt on as long as I want to have my belt on. One of the little things that they rob you of when you normally get on a plane. So we're sitting there, and we're sitting there in the tank, and I'll never forget, we're watching Deep Space Nine, they had it on the TV.

And I was talking with some of the other guys in there, and it was just like, I was like, wasn't that guy on Spencer for Hired? I was like, yeah, he was on Spencer for Hired. So what happened? Do you want to talk about it? I don't want to talk about it. Okay. Is that a cape or an ankle monitor? It was a misunderstanding.

It's a misunderstanding. Yeah. I got a ticket one time. On shot first. That was funny, but I wasn't arrested. I was in Seaside in New Jersey. Okay. Sorry. They have looser rules. We went there after prom. So I was maybe 18. Yes, you did. Maybe 17. Okay. We all rented a house, all the kids and the parents were kind of like, have fun. And we went on our own. I mean, yeah.

Joe was making a face. I'm just kind of baffled. Aren't you from like upstate New York? Oh, no. This is when you were in New York City? No. I mean, we live like close to the city. I'm from like downstate New York, I would say.

Okay. But we drove. We drove down to Jersey. You could choose anywhere. You could choose anywhere. Seaside. Seaside. Oh, you don't know anything about the Jersey Shore after prom situation. Oh, yeah.

It's a thing. It's a thing. So everyone is there, all these young kids, and you rent a house and you illegally buy alcohol and then you get wasted. So my friend and I were going to the boardwalk and we filled up water bottles with vodka or whatever. We're walking up to the boardwalk to have a night on the town, and a bike cop pulls us over. The indignant.

Let me smell your water. Well, he was like, what's in that? And we were like, water. And he goes, no, it's not. And you're young and you're scared, and we were going to run. We were going to bolt. We were, like, ready to go. You were going to go off-road and force him to bike down.

You were going to outrun his bike. I was going to kick him off the bike and run. ready to go off road and force him to bike down. You're going to outrun his bike. I was going to kick him off the bike and run. But, uh, he was like, it's not, uh, let me smell it.

And we were like, no, you're not smelling it. And he was like, then, then I'm going to write you a ticket. And we're like, what if we just pour it out?

And he's like, well, why would you pour out your water bottle? And we were like, like to water the seagrass. Like talking to a bridge troll. Yeah, I know. I was like, ah! Like to water the seagrass. Nicer. Like talking to a bridge troll. Yeah, I know.

I was like, is this a riddle? And then he wrote us a ticket for drinking in public. And it was so embarrassing because he like wrote it and he gave it to us and we were like,

man, whatever. And then he wrote away on his bicycle. And I was like, we could have, we could have gotten away. We could have gotten away.

He's on a bike. Did they take like, we could have gotten away. We could have gotten away. He's on a bike. Did they take your belt at any point? No. He let us keep our... We're so sorry for you. This must have been very difficult.

We got to do all of that with a belt. It's so embarrassing they took your belt. I got it back. One time, our producer, Francis and I,

and our good friend, Dave Kang, finished a night... Yeah, I'm telling this story, and our good friend, Dave King, uh, finished a night. Oh yeah. I'm telling this story. Francis finished a night, finished a night of drinking at a bar in a story called McCann's.

And that was our first date. That was Joe and I's first date. That's so fun. You can go back after that. This will, this was before this was a hundred years ago. This is me and the Marvel guys. That was,

that was our, our hangout we were there like three or four times a week I still love McCann they used to give out wooden tokens you could come back

and get a free drink I still have it anyways there's a whole story Francis still has his I mean we used to the bars close at 4am here in New York

most people know that a lot of people don't and of course after drinking all night we weren't done at 4am we were like well we need a little bit more

so Francis and Dave and I we go to a packy or like a store, and we just get like a couple six-packs, maybe a couple tall boys. And we're like, let's just walk to the river and just sit on the rocks, sit on a park bench, have a beer like adults, watch the sunrise. Like adults. So we start walking down to Astoria park. And the way it is, it's like you can walk into the park to walk to the thing,

or you can just walk along the street. It's it's, it takes the same amount of time. Well, it's a beautiful night. It's four 15 in the morning. We want to walk through the park. So there's a cop car sitting right there and we get maybe what?

10 feet into the park. The guys come on. We're like, Oh no, it's game over. This is, this is, it's game over. And they come in like, what's into the park? Whoop, whoop. The guys come on. We're like, oh, no, it's game over. This is, it's game over. And they come in like, what's going on, guys? And we're like, oh, we're just walking back to our apartment.

We're walking through the park to walk back to our apartment. And they're like, what do you got in the bag there? We're like, it's alcohol. It's closed. It's all, look, unopened. Everything was unopened. It's not like we were seconds away from opening it and drinking it outside.

But they gave us a big fat ticket, three individual tickets. For what? For walking through a closed park. Yeah, you're not supposed to. Parks have curfews. Parks have curfews. And when I'd say we were like 10 feet in the park, we could have easily just like, they could have been like, hey guys, park's closed. But nope.

It was a stakeout. They were like, got guys, park's closed. But no, it was a stakeout. They're like, got him. Get his belt. And it was a fat, fat ticket. These were like multi hundred dollars at the time. I didn't have any money. And so we went to court to dispute it.

And we had a sleepover at Dave's house. Do you remember this? We had a sleepover because the court appearance was at like, you had to be at the court at 6 a.m. It was fucking crazy. So we be at the court at 6 a.m. It was fucking crazy. So we all spent the night at Dave's. It was a couple months later. We went in there and we had to like dispute the thing. And we're in there together and we get appointed a lawyer because we just want to pay this ticket.

Is this night court? It was basically, it was day court. And we had to sit there and watch all these like weird court cases. Like I came up and was being tried for hanging out in a playground without a child allowed to do that. No, you can't do that. And he was just, it was like,

I was just, I was sitting there in the playground. He like, you can't do that. You have to, you can't go in a playground. You have to sit outside of the playground, little things like that.

So it was like very eyeopening. And then just the way it worked, I was the first dope that got pulled up. They're like, uh, LaVallee, Troy. And I come up there.

Uh, hello. And, uh, this guy was like, your honor, this guy was honor this guy was and i'm like it was actually all my all three of my friends she's like i don't care about your friends whoa i was like uh okay um did you say well fuck you so what happened i'm like where's the honor in that? We were just walking into the park. We were on our way home and we had alcohol that was unopened. And she's like, wait a minute, the alcohol wasn't opened? And I'm like, yeah, no, it was all unopened. And the lawyer's like, yeah, the ticket even says the alcohol wasn't open. She's like, bring the other ones up.

You guys are all set. Wow. Yeah. So we got off, and that was a big, big, hefty check of change. But we didn't get arrested, but that was one of those moments, and I've had dozens where I was like, gonna get arrested. And you know what? And if that cop wanted to land the ticket, he just needed to wait like eight more minutes.

Yeah. Just watch you. Just keep watching until you sat down, rooted in the bags a little bit, and then whoop, whoop. And then you would have been, you know. It's just proof that the system is so broken, though, that this cop was waiting for people to walk into the park to give them a bogus ticket.

It was probably the 30th of the month, and they had to get their quota. And you went and fought it, which is good on you, because most people wouldn't do that. And the cop didn't show up, I think, too. No, of course not. When the cop doesn't show up, you should always dispute. You just got to waste a day, but you save a few hundred bucks i was in one of the last times i

was in mccann's i was sitting next to this guy i heard his voice not familiar and it was uh mc chris remember yeah from aqua teen hunger force oh my god because i had just seen him perform like down near nyu like two weeks previous so i was like are you are you up to MC Chris? He's like, yeah, yeah. And so I talked to him for like a half hour and then I introduced him to the Marvel guys like Pat McGrath

and I think Nick was there and I had to go home and I guess he just like proceeded to pitch them really weird Spider-Man ideas for the whole rest of the night. That rocks. McKenzie's great.

They have a little pool table in the back but the walls were too thin. So like if you had to take a shot from the side, you had to use a tiny little stick. They had tiny little sticks just for that. There were two tables back there. I used to go there and play pool with Landkeith. Oh, yeah.

And we were at the top of our pool game. This is when we'd actually try to beat people and stay on tables. Is this place still here? No, I think it just... I was going to say, let's go. Our old office, which is, you know, a stone's throw from here, you could walk there. It was about a block away or two blocks away. I think it closed.

Ah, man. If it didn't, we should definitely go. We should. They have darts disturbingly close to where people sit at the bar. Closed. No! I knew it. What a punch in the wien Close. No. I knew it. I knew it. No. Oh.

Let's see. What a punch in the wiener. That place was great. Bummer. Yeah. It's a really good bar. I mean, it was really kind of a shitty dive bar, but that's what made it great.

Well, great dive. Yeah, it was a great dive. It was a great dive. They had food. They served food. Good staff. Good staff. Great staff.

Great staff. Yeah. Let's go to their website. What are you going to learn there? If they're open or not. No, the website's dead. Oh. Server is dead.

Wow. That's what happened. They couldn't afford their website. That's what it was. The hosting fees killed the bar. Everyone knows you can't run a good dive without a classy website. Were you ever afraid that you were going to get arrested and it didn't happen? Yeah. Yeah, I was. i think i told the story uh i might have told the story already but shocker i was a good kid in high school and i never drank a drop and never smoked any drugs

or even came close my friends and i were big fans of bowling and diners. You didn't even have mayonnaise until you were in college. I'm not surprised. You led a very insulated life. I didn't have a taco until I was in college. You grew up in 1950s Milwaukee? So sad. That's kind of what it was like.

So in my, I guess it was my sophomore year of high school, I went to, I did the musical for the first time. I went out for the musical and I did the show. What show was it? It was Anything Goes. Who'd you play? I was reporter number two. Reporter number two. I actually, yeah, I know the scene. Didn't Cole Porter write Anything

Goes? Wrote the music. Wrote the music. Which version of the book did you do? So you played Cole Porter? This isn't relevant to the story. This is a thing. Let's move on. So anyway, very quickly. Did you do the 1987 revision? Dammit, Matthew. This is a thing. Let's move on. So anyway, very quickly. Did you do the 1987 revision? Damn it, Matthew. Damn it, Matthew. It's not about that. It's not about that. I'm curious.

Make your own podcast. Sir, make your own podcast. So I was invited to the cast party at a house in Northeast Philly, which was like a rough neighborhood. And I asked my parents, can I go to the cast party at a house in Northeast Philly, which was like a rough neighborhood. And I asked my parents, why can I go to the cast party? And I'm like, a young sophomore,

I'm like 15. And my parents are like, okay, all right, he's growing up, you know, his friend's gonna, he's getting in a car with a senior that's gonna drive him to the into the city to this cast party. So I go to the cast party. I get downstairs. And the first thing that I see are Rubbermaid trash cans just filled with ice and beer. And I was like, oh! A star was born. Like, I did not see it coming.

I was like, oh, my gosh. And then I saw this girl that I kind of liked in my class. And she was super talented. It was like an amazing voice. She played... An entertainer. I can't remember. But she did have like a lead, even as like a sophomore.

Hope Parkport? No, no. There's a story there. I went, I saw her like just grab a beer, like not even thinking about it, grab a beer, crack it, start drinking. I was like completely shocked, completely shocked. My friends and I don't about it. Grab a beer, crack it, start drinking. I was like completely shocked. Completely shocked. My friends and I don't touch it.

We're just like having a good time, hanging out. Like, ah, yeah. This is like McD was there. Just bopping to you, too. Yeah. Just like. Who did McD play? He played Lord Evelyn Oakley.

Of course he did. And we, and within 30 minutes, like cops, like somebody like yells down the stairs in the basement. And people just like start running out of the house. We're like, okay. And we start just following people. Kids are spooling out of this house and running out over the yards and the grass or anything. And we're like trying to like duck behind into another block. And we run down this block.

And it was me and like two or three of my buddies. And we just like start walking and we're like where the fuck are we gonna go like we need a ride like we got driven here by one of the seniors so we're gonna have to like loop around and as we're like trying to loop around it's just like whoop whoop in front of us and then the car cop car stops headlights in our eyes can't see anything just see the silhouette of the figure like get out of the driver's side flashlight on our face face. All right, guys, stand over by the edge, blah, blah, blah, walks over. So what's going on? Who's been drinking? Blah, blah, blah. And like looked at us. And I mean, it took like no time at all for him to realize that we were losers. I hadn't touched a drop. And he was just like half laughing. It was like, all right, I'm going to give you guys a warning.

All right. Blah, blah, blah. So I did not get in any trouble. Didn't get a ticket. And the first thing I did when I got home was woke up my parents and was like, I'm so sorry. I almost got arrested. My God.

Wow. Such a loser. You didn't even get in trouble. You were afraid that the cop was going to come back. Just so you know. I was afraid somebody in school was going to say that that party got busted. There was beer at the party. We'd get back to my parents and then they'd fucking crash to say that party got busted there was beer at the party we'd get back to my parents

and then they'd fucking crash my ass for not telling me there was beer at this party it's so sweet because cast parties in high school

musical or plays notorious for people just getting fucked up like wasted like the craziest party you'll ever see

is like a musical cast party yeah I never knew at cast parties like where why the crew was always going outside into the woods and then coming back. And never John. Me neither.

I did not. I didn't understand at all. Why are they having so much fun? Yeah, I was just the same way. I was basically like, oh, all those football players like they probably all go out and get wasted after the things. I was like, but not these artists. They're all completely. And I was just like, oh, all those football players, they probably all go out and get wasted after the thing. So I was like, but not these artists. They're

all completely, and I was just like, holy shit, all the seniors were just getting trashed. It was a very eye-opening experience. I used to host the cast parties in high school. My parents were cool parents. And they would be like, if you're gonna drink, do it here. And that was their

whole rule. Wow. In my high school, eventually the parents started hosting the cast parties. Yeah. The parents were also there. They had like the parents at a party. Yeah. So then it was like there was no drinking. Oh, I thought they were cool parents.

I remember once we were trying to figure out a place to host a cast party. And I was like, I could ask my mom. And they're like, oh, you think your mom likes to do it? I was like, I could ask my mom. And they're like, oh, you think your mom likes to do it? I was like, no, I can axe her, kill her with an axe

because that's the only way that you'll let your people in. I can axe my mom. Well, Katie, how many cast parties have you been to? I was going to say, I've never been in theater

and I'm also not about to admit to any potential law breaking on the record. I'm sure the statute of limitations has passed. Well, I don't know if we're going to break any laws, but stick around after this episode for the episode 23 cast party that I'm really excited about. Oh my goodness. Instead, we'll just take a quick break.

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Let's get this episode over with so we can get to that cast party uh you guys are inside a uh you know sort of uh tree horrible nightmare horrible nightmare tree in night hold what did you think night hold was gonna be fun day stuff resort a resort night all inclusive formerly night night hold resort family Family Fun. No, you have entered this realm, the first world. You're still not even quite sure what that means. It's a world that is ever-changing, mutable, constantly, like, protean in nature, kind of shaped by its inhabitants, its most powerful inhabitants, while also, like, kind of crossing over into the material world as well. Everything just sort of going back and forth, overlapping and turning in on itself.

And when you get inside this tree, or you don't even get inside, you get up to the tree, you already fight a creature that is kind of warping reality and playing upon your fears. You get inside and you fight these like childlike tooth fairies, or it's like something taken

from the nightmares of children. And then we end last week's episode with you walking into a room where there's a female centaur. Something taken from the nightmares of Buggles. That's what I'm saying. He's hiding in the doorway because it's a combination of like a horse, which we know he doesn't like. And this woman would possibly remind him of his mistress. He used to like maltreat him and everything. And so it is like this weird kind of dream nightmare combination of fears.

Yeah, and talk about a two-tall, which you spoke of back in episode one. This is a large creature. She's huge and resplendent in her charred, scarred armor, wearing a bleached, skinless head of a horse as sort of a frightening helm, a long, flowing green cloak that covers her horse parts. And then if that wasn't enough, there's a floating muscle circle full of blades in a single eye. They needed to add a sentry. I don't know what's going on here. This doesn't, to me, feel like a winnable sort of combat situation, a traditional combat situation with the size and, at least for the artwork, the apparent martial skill of this character.

So I don't know if this is like something fishy is going on here. Well, obviously something fishy is going on, but if it's going to be like not really resolve as a weird about that muscle floating. I, you want my theory? Oh yeah. Yes, please.

I think the centaur is an illusion or something or does it or a figment or it doesn't really exist. I was, I was going to say, because she also was like, I've killed all the enemies of Kinepo and they line the room, all these skulls. And so it was like,

okay, so it's a level 37 centaur woman who is going to hit us level two players. Right. And then also the basic concept, I think we talked about this after we stopped this episode, was like the basic concept of you're chosen by Kanepo to see if you're worthy, blah, blah, blah. You come here and just to kill you. I mean, maybe this is a test. Maybe if we get her down a certain number of hit points, she's like, oh, right. You can meet Kniepo or something like that, possibly. But it's a, it's also, it's a callback to that worthiness thing that everyone kept mentioning. Which then made me think, I wonder if, uh, like the three main people that we know as missing are like came exactly here and like died in this room.

Or were – Like a Verner or whatever. Verner? Verner. Or were we supposed to do something in the first room to make ourselves worthy? Magpie Mapleton or whatever her name was. Pebblesworth. It was like –

I think we have Pebblesworth. You guys are going to take better notes. Hatria Pebblesworth was the woman that got – Wait Pebblesworth. You guys are going to take better notes. Hattria Pebblesworth was the woman that got Wait, hold on. We are taking better notes. Joe is not representative of the note taking.

She was the one that her cart got destroyed and she was killed back on the way between seven arches. I thought she was missing. Right. There's the woman

whose family Maybelline. I believe that was what he was going for with magpie Maybelline. Magpie Maybelline. And then there's Varna, the wooden septum piercing oak steward that Malkior is looking for. And Henry Buckets. Henry Buckets.

Yeah, Henry Buckets. But the idea is that we started to see that each of these people seem to be being led somewhere, right? And we feel like maybe we're also being led somewhere with the sign outside the door and the bird in the room and everything. Is everybody being led here? Are there skulls on this wall? Or were they considered worthy? Probably.

Or are they the hunks of meat behind us? Exactly. There are hunks of meat. There are skulls all over the place. She claims to be victims, enemies of Kniepo. Then she goes on about her former life where she would judge from the shadows, learn

all about her prey, and learn everything she could before finally taking their life and regrets that she won't have time to do that beforehand, but promises you afterwards she'll take her time with what's left unless you're worthy let's roll for initiative and find out all right so yeah

well that's the other thing that really bothers me it's like is is it a puzzle right it's like is it like oh no well you have to prove you're worthy beyond just fighting? I don't know. It bothers me. This is going to be an interesting test. Kate looks upset as usual after she's rolled dice. What did you get, Asta? 19. 19 for Asta, not too shabby. Zephyr.

Do you adjust it when you do a natural one? You do. You get to still get your bonus. Five, yes. Now, if you had a minus to your initiative, you wouldn't have a negative two, but you always add. So five. Very nice. Tip of the hat to your five.

Brother Ramu. Twelve. I mean, just terrible. There are feats you can take. Stone cold terrible. There's no feat you can take. Stone cold terrible. There's no feat you can take to make you roll above a 10, though. That's true. That's just the gods.

Talitha. 15. 15 for Talitha. Right down Main Street. Buggles? 20 for Buggles. Oh! How interesting that Buggles rolls a 20 as he stands cowering in the doorway.

I didn't even think in the moment because I was too busy embodying Captain Salah. I could see that. Yeah, I was really into it. You were in the zone. A rare new voice. A little too into it. It was pretty, yeah, it's a new one. A rare new one.

Not from this well and this. Was it imagining the hindquarters of a horse as the lower half of your body that did it? Just imagining the voice of a sick sadistic. Was it the result of embodying the rear half of a horse over your entire life? Hey now! You know what, just for that, you go first.

You're standing terrified in the doorway. What I was going to say is I didn't even think about how this is your worst nightmare. Yeah, I'm actually going to give myself the frighten one condition. Oh. Because of this. Okay, you have done this in the past. Anytime there's a horse.

Yeah. And especially now. I mean, I think it. Well, yeah. I thought of the horse. I didn't think of the mistress. Is a mistress being, like, combined with a horse in the image of this woman? That's.

Yeah. That's terrifying. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, Oh, I like his little fright condition. So he's,

uh, almost like wetting himself as he like comes into the room to, like he forces himself to come into the room so he can get a full view of this thing. And he's like, and he lifts his little finger and ray of frost. Ray.

Or frostbite. Frostbite. Frostbite. That is a 21 to hit. 21 is a hit. Okay. Okay. Oh, man.

Even the slightest delay on that gave me heartburn. That is six points of cold damage. Six points of cold damage. Very good. Was that your final action? Yeah, because I had to move, and then that was two actions. Very well. Moving right along, it is.

Oh, wait. What am I thinking? As you step into the room and stand there and face down this horrible thing, you're able to muster up the courage to fire a spell at your greatest fear. But at the same moment, that creepy little cord of muscle and blades, the eye turns on you and you feel not only its gaze, but you start to feel its blades all around you, cutting into your skin.

Give me a will save. Oh, no. No! All right, that's not too bad. That is a will save. That's a 20. 20, okay. So you feel these things kind of creeping into your body

Making you feel even more frightened than you already are But you're able to like stand firm and push down those fears It is Asta's turn If I move and jump over the table Is it, do I need to do any checks or anything Or can I just kind of hop on the table and hop off? If I have like an extra five feet. Yeah, I'm going to say that you can just go up and over.

It's not like a centaur-sized table. It's a table meant for all of you. Let's not hold you over the coals for this here. Alright, so Asta is going to move. First action. Second action, I'm going to use one of my focus spells, Force Fang.

Force Fang? Yeah. I briefly turn my attack into pure force to bypass my opponent's defenses. I'm going to attack the little ball, little blade ball. I'm going to attack the blade ball. All right, so you just come down. I like to imagine that you're using the energy from hopping off the table to slice into it. It's cool.

It's like basically my katana becomes a spike of pure force. It just like magically changes. Amazing. So let me... That would have been good against the swarm. The force fang automatically deals 1d4 plus 1. I don't even think I need to make an attack. Force fang?

Potentially. Okay. Is there any saves or not? It's a spell, obviously. The force fang automatically deals, targets one creature. To force to bypass your opponent's defenses. Choose a target within your reach or within reach of a melee weapon. If you can use Spellstrike with a ranged weapon, you can target a creature in your first range increment.

For instance, you transform your weapon around time to a spike of pure force, replacing all its normal statistics and abilities. The Force Fang automatically... Deals 1d4 plus 1 force damage to a target. That is... I don't believe you. Oh, no. I'm trying to see. You briefly turn your attack. Yeah, I mean, it is a focus spell, which is a limited

resource. It's not something you can spam. It also decreases your damage. It's basically like a magic missile from your damage. Yeah, it's basically like a, whatchamacallit, a magic missile from your fist. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. Yeah.

All right, great. You sacrifice the damage. Yeah. No, you can spell strike with it. I can spell strike, but I'm not going to just for action economy. I moved. This only costs one action. Got it.

And then for my next action, you'll see what I do. All right, so let's see. 1d4. It's also not a ton of damage. Okay. Max damage, though. Five points of damage. Five points of force damage buffets this little gross sphere.

Okay. And then with my final action, I go into my arcane cascade, because if I use one of my spells or I cast a spell, I can do that. So one more action, I move my foot back and now I'm in my arcane cascade. Dance! Alright, so that's your action. That's the end of my turn. Okay. You, standing right next to this thing, start

to feel the same strangeness of its blades against your skin, not unlike what Buggles felt, even though it is not physically touching you. Give me a will save. I don't like that I can do it multiple times. What, you can just do it to anybody over and over and over again?

Just an aura situation? 15. 15, you are frightened one by this unsettling feeling. Yeah, maybe it's an aura then, I don't know. Sharp blades just pressing against your skin, even though nothing is touching you. It gives you the frightened condition. Okay. Frightened Uno,

it is now Captain Salah's turn, and you are right there. However, I am considering doing something. You wouldn't hit a girl, would you? Yes!

She's a girl! Pulling out all the sap. Asta says that quietly. You wouldn't hit another lady, would you? I mean, hearing the way Troy tells it, he's had dozens of encounters with the police. He's a very unsavory character. You don't know what he'll do. He's kind of the bad boy of the bunch.

I've just done a lot of dumb peeing on the street. Sometimes you've got to go. All dumb peeing on the street. Sometimes you gotta go. All right, here's what happens. I am going to... Do you have an attack of opportunity? No. Okay. She kind of disengages from you

and runs, like starts... Like I said, her hooves are up and she like comes down to the ground and starts galloping and gallops through Buggles, Brother Ramius, Zephyr, and Talitha ending up on the other side of Talitha. Everybody roll a reflex save.

So she destroys the table. She destroys that edge of the table there and tramples all of it. Like she runs around a path like around the table. She runs very consciously conscientiously only destroys a little bit of it. Well, she just ran through the top portion there. But yeah, she strides up to double its speed, moving through the spaces of creatures of the listed size, trampling you.

So give me a reflex save. I hate this! Oh, I mean, there's nothing that can be done. There's nothing that can be done when you are me. You did good. You did bad. What's your roll? I fumbled, most likely.

What was the actual result? I'm trying to consider capping it. Matthew! Okay. God! What did you get? I'll just take it. Nine. Nine, okay. And what did you get?

22. 22. And Zeph? 21. 21. And Buggles? I have a question. Yes.

Is a natural one bad? Oh! Oh! Oh! have a question. Yes. Is a natural one bad? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. said cap 16 16 okay fail not critical pass pass fail not great it was right on the line right on the line um so uh you guys are going to take half damage you two are going to take half damage. You two are going to take full. You two being Buggles and Brother Ramius.

Okay. It is going to be nine points of damage to Buggles and Ramius, four points of damage to the others, Zephyr and Talitha. And, you know, badass move to be able to do that,

but that took all three of my actions. So now it is, as I've listed in the initiative, Gross Blade Ball's turn. Gross Blade Ball. Gross Blade Ball. Old Gross Blade Ball is just standing right next to a little wolf lady. Old Gross Blade Ball. blade ball is my father. Please, old...

All right, so you see it, first of all, start to glow. Like little pieces that you cut away from it start kind of like restitching itself on the ball. And then it is... Oh, man, so many fun things to do here. Let's do... All right, what it's going to do is kind of fly through you and as it does like um cut at your skin so it like flies through you and i need a reflex save and just basically, like a spinning blade, tries to whir and slice through you.

Oh, boy. That's going to be a 15. 15 is a fail. So a couple things are going to happen. First thing is you're going to take three points of slashing damage, and then you're also bleeding. Oh, no. Oh, no.

You will take 1d4 bleed at the end of your turn, but maybe you'll flat check away from it and you'll live forever. That was its first action. And then that was two actions, actually. And then for its third action,

because you're right there, I'm going to cast a spell with a range of touch, which only costs me one action. The ball? Yep. Go ahead and give me a basic fortitude save. This is so brutal. Oh, no.

No, you didn't. 11. Okay. 11. Okay, that is just a fail. So you will take seven points of negative damage. Oh, my God. Ow. just a fail. So you will take seven points of negative damage. Oh my god! Ow!

So you're like bleeding. It cuts its way through you, cuts your skin over. You see your white fur like blood go across the wall. It's spread down your fur. What's the bleed number? 1d4. And then it like touches you. It like leans its body against

you. One of its muscly cord touches you and harms you for seven points of negative damage. I hate this thing. And now it is Talitha's turn. Talitha, you are standing directly in front of this monstrous, horrible centaur. Have we ever fought a centaur on here? This is a first. It was a dual hand with centaur. The dual hand was centaur-like, but this is the first real centaur.

Yeah, I believe. I think it's the first. All right, we have a couple items of business. Okay, please. Item number one. I texted McD, but I found out he played Lord Evil in locally. Oh, my God. His response was, I totally did.

That was a very fun part to play. He's right up his alley. I wish I could see photos. I know. Me too. Do you have photos? Is there other business? Nope.

Moving along. Now I'm going to text Mr. O'Brien. Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien. Did you know your son almost got arrested? You should see me. I'm in a suit with a fedora on, running up to the ship to like ask Hope Harcourt and whatever. Reno Sweeney. Yeah, Reno Sweeney questions because they're famous.

And I look like I am 11 years old. I look like an 11-year-old. No question. My voice had like not even changed. It's crazy. My voice had not even changed. That's crazy. I did not specify during the healing that happened at the end of last episode that I was holding my rapier now.

Would it be fair to say that I had my rapier out when we left and entered this scary room? Absolutely. With the exception of Zephyr, who we talked about last week, you're not quite sure if the bow is in or out, and you actually explicitly said bow is stowed. You're always going to have your rapier out. You're not going to waste an action to draw it. I will devise a strategy. Okay. Should I attack this thing? And not take

the attack. The natural three. Instead, I will then take my free recall knowledge. What would you like me to roll? Arcana? This is going to be Arcana or a nature. Or an applicable war.

Natural 20. Oh! There we go. It is an illusion. All right, so Captain Salah. All right, so you know that centaurs are hunters and trackers. It appears that she was hunting and tracking prey like some sort of serial killer. So this is the type of company Kniepo keeps, like just cold, heartless killers.

In terms of her ability, she has a shield. So she can always use that reaction to shield block, which will boost her AC. You already have seen Trample come out. Beyond that, you don't feel like centaurs have the ability to cast spells. You don't feel like she may be able to cast spells. Attack of opportunity?

Yeah, you don't think they have attack of opportunities. She looks just like a warrior that is going to use physical attacks against you that deal pretty significant damage. Is there any kind of bond with her and the old blade ball? Nothing in your memory connects the two of them, so this seems to be a union forged out of necessity

or something story-related that you wouldn't know. Okay. And Sentos always are accompanied by a muscle blade ball. You don't remember reading that. Okay. All right, Talitha is going to get out of this space, especially since now we know that it doesn't have an attack of opportunity.

Okay. So she will double move up to the north of the room to kind of give us another angle here. Yeah, and she goes up towards the hallway that leads to the north. Maybe one more square to give us a little bit of an angle. Spread us out from another, stop another one of those tramples from happening.

I share all that information with the party. That is my turn. Okay, and not unlike Buggles and Asta, you too feel the eye and blade of this thing on you. Like it's all around you, even though it's 20 feet away. Give me a will save. Natty, 17 for a 24. You're all right.

You were able to fight against its fear effect. It is Brother Ramius's turn. Brother Ramius, you're 20 feet away from this thing. Buggles is behind you to your left, and Zephyr is standing straight in front of you. What do you do? Yeah, I just don't... There's just, like, no way to avoid this trample thing,

because you can just run right through. So he is going to... Oh, man. He's going to also move up to the north. Sorry, I didn't need to move around Buggles. I wanted to get up to here behind Asta. Okay. And then he is going to...

Yeah, he can do that. And then he will... Did anybody recall knowledge on the muscle ball? No. He will... He'll recall knowledge on the muscle ball. Okay. That is going to be religion.

Do you have a good religion? Or any other applicable lore? Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. Knowledge blade ball? I was totally... My mind was... Do you have knowledge Sonic the Hedgehog? Yes, religion on the ball.

Yeah, religion on the ball. Some sort of like undead creature? What's this thing? Like an alchemy? It's been formed by the flesh of the other... Oh, yes. The weapons of the fallen. Maybe, yeah. Alright, that is a 24. Also the derm. Also the derm. Dermis. Epiderm. Epiderm. Alright, that is a 24. Also the derm. Also the derm. Dermis. Epiderm.

Epiderm. All right, 24 is pretty good. I can tell you this is a creature known as an auger. Oh. It tells her what is good and what isn't to do. It is specifically known as a velstrok auger. It is something that is native to the Shadow Plane. Just knots of sinewy muscle and blades and bloody metal

but yeah just like the spell augury it has that that's like what its power is um let's get you the augury goes back to original dnd right yeah that's one of the one of the spells of magic user spells from i think it's magic user spells back in yeah the original player's hand was it wheel and woe back then or is that a pathfinder i can't remember yeah because the way it was Magic User Spells back in the original Player's Handbook. Was it Wheel and Woe back then, or is that a Pathfinder thing? I can't remember. Yeah, because the way it was in first edition and second edition. I don't think it was Wheel and Woe. Yeah.

I don't think. Good question. You look into the future, and you would either know that the question you're asking would lead to Wheel or Woe. Yeah. Same exact thing with this. That's kind of its jam. So you know it can cast spells like that, but you've also seen it cast a harmful spell

against Asta. That thing that's hurting everyone is an aura that takes effect at the end of your turn if you're still standing within its range, which extends pretty much the whole room.

You get on the outskirts of the room, you might be able to get away from it, but it's pretty big. And that's all I'm going to tell you. Okay. And then he's going to do battle medicine on Asta. Oh, thank you. An attempt to patch her up. I can't remember if that stops the bleeding.

I can't remember. But we're going to attempt it here. I could just straight up fail. I mean, it sucks. No, I don't. I succeed on a battle medicine for Asta, and you get nine hit points back. Very helpful. Thank you.

Okay. All right, so let's find out if that does. There's no way to find out. I mean, unless I'm going to start reading boards. There's a medicine check. Well, yeah, medicine checks can stop you. Oh, that's right. Right?

All right, so I'll just do that instead. First aid, yes, that is it. Oh, no, it's two actions. Well, why don't you heal me and then do it on the next turn? Because I could still use those hit points. And you could also just save on it. She could get the flat set. Preserve the actions.

Yeah, so I don't have the actions. I moved. I did the recall knowledge. I only have one action left. So I'll battle medicine for now. Thank you. That's still very helpful. Yeah, but you're still bleeding.

Yeah. All right, cool. Great. Go ahead and give me a will save as you try to... Come on, Ramius. It's the one thing you're supposed to be reasonably good at. Bend off the fear. 21.

21. You're all right. All right. For the Ramius. Ramius! Ending the round as always is... I do not fear you, strange beast. You know what?

It is kind of like always. Is that for the bowless, as they call you? So I did say that I put my bow away, or I didn't have it out when I was walking into this room. And you're standing 15 feet away from this creature with no one between you. So I don't like this ball. I don't think anyone does,

and I want to try to take that out first. So I'm going to take out my bow, go into monastic archer stance and try to flurry of blows it within my volley. I still feel like it's worth it to try to hit it because then I could also try to stun it.

Maybe if it's not, you know, immune to mental effects. Or no, if it doesn't have that incapacitate, if it's not higher level. Right. Oh, right, right. Incapacitate. Okay. Alright, so it's going to be a plus six. So that's a 20 to hit on the first one. Yep. Nice. Alright, buddy. Get it, get it. And roll the second one

and then do the damage. Okay. And the second one is a natural seven. I don't think that hits. It's like a nine or ten. That's a mess. Alright, so now just roll your damage. So my damage is three. Three damage, alright. And then you

do a save. Three total? Oh, you missed the second hit. Yeah. You do a fortitude, right? Yes. Alright, so first action you pulled out the bow. Second action, flurry of bows. Okay. Flurry of bows. Flurry of blows. So you're not in your Archer stance, or

you got into that? Was that an action? Wait. I did not. Yeah, you're right. I can't do Flurry of Blows. Oh, what I was going to do is take it out and just do one hit so that I had it out, and then my next turn I could get into it. Okay, so you're not in your

monastic Archer stance. So I'm not in my stance. I would say the first one just hits. It's a regular hit. Yeah, so you're not in your monastic archery stance. So I'm not in my stance. I would say the first one just hits, it's a regular hit. Yeah, and it's not going to trigger any stunning fists because that only happens on Flurry of Lives. Why can't you do Flurry?

Why can't you get into the stance? Because it's two actions. And then I don't get to hit and I figured hitting was more useful than not. Okay, now, so then you still have an action,

don't you? Yeah. Nope, took out. Fired once. Oh yeah, you can fire again, I guess. Wait, don't you? Yeah. Nope. Took out. Fired once. Oh, yeah. You can fire again, I guess. Wait, wait, wait, wait. She drew the bow.

Drew the bow. Fired once. No, no. That's what I meant to do. I drew the bow. I entered monastic archer stance. That's three actions. That's one action.

You said monastic was two. I lied. Did you misspeak? No, it's one action. Yes. You all confused me when you questioned me the first time. You never said monastic archer stance, though, right? She did. I did. Yes. You all confused me when you questioned me the first time. You never said monastic archer stance, though, right? She did.

I did. Okay, all right. So that's first action, pull it out. Second, monastic. Third, flutter blows. Second hit misses. First one hits. I'll roll a four to two.

Now you do, yes. Okay. Yeah, crushed it. 22. Oh. Class DC, class DC. It's success. Class DC, class DC. It's success. Yeah.

I don't think there's a, uh, this, even if it's not a critical, I don't think there's like a half John on that. So it'd be around 18. Yeah. So let me know if it's not.

I believe you. As we move into round two, right after this quick word from our John. this quick word from our John. Of course, we are sponsored by the incredible Z-Biotics, an absolutely phenomenal pre-alcohol probiotic that is a game changer for me when it comes to having a few drinks at night and then waking up feeling fresh and ready to rock the next day. Z-Biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking.

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And I'll be like, no, I left it at home. I was at my sister's and we had a couple of drinks, blah, blah, blah. And Matthew will give me that disapproving look that he's so famous for that just says, I told you so. And Matthew will give me that disapproving look that he's so famous for that just says, I told you so. And it cracks me up even saying this because it's 100% true, but it makes it sound like Matthew and I are living in a commercial, which I guess we are. But that to me is a testament to how much Z Biotics has just become a staple for us. You should try it, especially if you're skeptical like I was. And I think you'll be blown away. Go to zbiotics.com slash GCP to get 15% off your first order when you use GCP at checkout.

Zbiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money. No questions asked. No questions asked. Remember to head to zbiotics.com slash GCP and use code GCP at checkout for 15% off. Thank you, Zbiotics, for sponsoring this episode and our good times. Thanks, John. Top of round two, it is Buggles' turn.

Buggles, this thing has just, like, trampled you and all your friends. Asta is toe-to-toe with this vicious blade thing. You're about 25 feet away from the centaur, with Zephyr right in front of you, who focused her fire on the blade, on the auger. What do you do? Okay, so, yeah, Buggles is, like, his teeth are audibly chattering just from the fear but when he shoots this frostbite which is actually it's not ray of frost is an attack roll it's actually a basic will save but or a basic save whatever um but the moment he like fires this off um his eyes

like flash like red again and you hear this voice and it's not in common but it's like it's subtitles it's just like it's like your fear sickens me this is the hour of the colicon and he rushes right at the centaur what and your fear sickens me. This is cock. And his fist, his little fist like turns into a fireball and he snaps like as he swings. What is going on? That's a 21 to hit. 21 hits. That is 11 points of damage. Holy.

Let's go. A couple things are going to happen. First, Buggles comes up and lays down. What's your weapon again that you're using? I'm just, I'm using Ignite. I do Ignition as a melee attack rather than a ranged attack. I roll it and it's amped. So it's a D12 instead of a D10.

Okay. And you moved up. You moved up right next to it? Yeah. Okay. Let me just slide you up there. All right. So you slide up, you hit melee. You moved up right next to it? Yeah. Okay, let me just slide you up there. All right, so you slide up, you hit it, you do 11 points of damage.

As you hit it, that green cloak that's on her back begins to animate and lashes out at you. I was going to say, because it looks like a Venus flytrap. Oh. The layers of it looks like a giant, like laid out Venus fly fly trap. You're absolutely right. So as these leaves of

snapping jaws and thorns come out for you, give me a reflex save. Oh wow, I didn't notice that at all. And I was going to say, the minute he changes and the other entity takes over, he loses the frightened condition. Okay, great. The self-imposed.

Natural 20. Oh! Huge! My God. Dude, Buckles is in the pocket right now. Absolutely nothing happened. It goes to snap at you, but it snaps over your head where you're so small.

And you said that was 11 points of damage. Yeah. Something I forgot to do before the break. Kate, give me a will save against the fear effect of the blades. Oh, okay. No problem. Okay. Oh, that's a 16. You're frightened

one. Okay. All right. Buggles, was that your whole action? Yep. Okay, my. All right, so Buggles just jumps in there, lays out 11 points of damage, but now Buggles is toe-to-toe with this thing. Buggles is toe-to-toe with this thing. Buggles, give me a will save.

That is a 19. 19? You're alright. You're alright. I'm just making sure you can't become immune to it, okay? Great. Moving right along, it is Asta's turn. Asta, you are just gushing blood. It's staining your beautiful white fur.

So, do I make the check now? End of your turn. Endsta's turn. Asta, you are just gushing blood. It's staining your beautiful white fur. So do I make the check now? End your turn. End of my turn. Okay. You'll take the bleed damage, then you'll roll the flat. Cool. Awesome. So I am going to spell strike.

That's right. And I'm going to kill. I'm calling my shot. I'm going to kill this little ball. Whoa, is that bad? Taking left over there. All right, so going to melee attack with my katana first. And you see this crackling electricity in her tail

that travels through her body into her hands and into the katana as she makes this attack. That's definitely going to hit. That's 23. 23 is a hit. All right. Come on. That's, man, no.

No. It's okay. That's five points of damage. Okay. And then the spell, I'm casting a level one shocking grasp. Oh. So that's going to be, yeah. So this is't cantrip.

This is, we're not in cantrip anymore. Pretty good. Pretty good. It was great until the point. Yeah. The point was the best part. Get me out of it.

The audio listeners, they're loving it. It was awesome. Very good. It was a big pause there. Okay. So that's going to be, Oh,

and because I'm in my stance, I get a plus one to my damage. So what did I say for the katana? Sorry. Well, it's just another point. So it's six. Six for the katana. And then that's going to be 18 plus one circumstance. Oh, oh, okay.

If the target is wearing metal or is made of metal, I get a plus one to my attack. So that's fine. You already got that. But you also take 1d4 persistent electricity damage on my hit. Wait, how much electricity did he take? 18 points of electricity. What was the to hit? Or is there no to hit?

The katana hit. And so now you're just doing damage? This is the spell strike. Okay. So it was six slashing. 18 electricity. And 18 electricity. So you destroy it.

You called your shot. You did call your shot. It's very, very strange. Like So you destroy it. Yes! You called your shot. You did call your shot. It's very, very strange. Like, you hit it, right? And it's just like a... It's so funny that it's a ball, too. That was so bad. You hit the ball, and it just like...

And it hits the floor, and it's just sitting there in, like, one solid piece on the ground like it was a weight that hit the ground. And it just seems, like, inert? It's just like inert. Yeah. And do you still have actions?

Yeah, I have one more action. You better not. This is ridiculous. I do. I have one more action. Your character's too powerful. So it took the electricity. It also would take, I know it had the regeneration, so it would take persistent. Is it going to come back? Well, you did see it sort of stitch back. If it did have some sort of regenerative property,

you need to find out what can bypass that regeneration to end it. The electricity will kind of keep it at bay because it will keep taking that damage. Didn't you roll a successful knowledge check on this thing? Did you roll well, too? I rolled a 24. I mean, we didn't know what it was. I gave you a lot of information.

Well, just so you know, it does have the one- I mean, you gave me a lot of information Well just so you know It does have the 1d4 persisting I mean you gave me a lot of lore Right? But did you give me any useful mechanical information about it? None Here's what I'll tell you If it does have some sort of regeneration

And it does You are the only one that can stop it Sha-ga-ga-ga-goo. Well, it has the persistent electricity, so I can keep it. That helps. That persistent is going to help. But, you know, I think by the rules, I'll still roll flat checks against it to see if it stops that persistent damage. However, if it does have regeneration, only the things that will bypass it, which are what you can do, your sort of divine spells.

What is it? It could come back. Is it good? It's good, yeah. I don't know if I have that. Yeah, but we're not really doing with alignment. You just need something holy. Yeah, okay. Or silver. But I don't think anybody has any silver weapons. What about positive?

No. No. That's different. So with my final action then, I'm going to run and flank with Buggles on Big Horse Lady. Run, flank with Buggles on Big Horse Lady. Well, it's Big Horse Lady's turn. That's Mrs. Big Horse Lady to you. And she is going to raise her half of body up and it's going to come down on Buggles.

First attack against Buggles. Miss with a 13. Wow! Alright, second attack does the same thing and turn, or do I want to swing a sword? No, more damage with the hooves. Comes down, boom, tries to punch you with a hoof.

Asta, natural 20. Oh! And she's already hurt. Norse foundry. No, I'm not. Critical threat! Critical threat! Critical threat! Norse foundry 20, named character. Oh!

Before we go, before we get into it, I'm gonna play by the rules. I'm gonna be a rules boy. Please. I never made my flat check for my bleed damage. Yes. So let's take the bleed damage first, which is one. Only one point of bleed. That's good. Now give a flat check, young lady.

Eight. You're still bleeding. Okay. Just wanted to be a rules boy. Oh, man. This is nuts. Named character Nat Troy. All right. This is nuts. Named character. All right.

This one from Troy Dye. Jammie in Taylor, Texas. Hi, Jammie. Jammie. JMI in Taylor, Texas. Possibly Jammie. Jammie. Probably Jammie.

Probably Jammie. Hi, Jammie. Jammie. Jim Jam, Jammie Jam. Maybe he's the guy they named the hip-hop music award after. The Jammies? The Jammies. Sliced tendon.

One of our older fans. Sliced tendon. Probably bad. Not good when that happens. Deal normal damage. Then pick a limb. You strike the target's limb in just the right spot, cutting deep in the tendon. Your target takes the appropriate following penalty until they receive magical healing.

An arm, unable to manipulate with the appendage, drop anything being held. A leg, unable to step, reduce speed by 10. I also have two tails, just want to say. How about head? Decapitated. Decapitated, permanently dead. Wow, the fact that you're only getting half damage on a base D10 plus attack bonus. Oh!

That is very, very good. All right, so we'll do the damage first. Nine points of bludgeoning damage. You just get punched by a fucking horse. And then what do I roll? A D6 or a D? No, no, you choose. I say you should also choose.

I do have two tails. They are appendages. Tails are appendages. I have two arms, two legs. They're not listed in the script. Two tails. I choose arm. Drop your weapon.

Okay, but wait, I have two arms. Which arm? The one with the weapon. The offhand? Come on. All right, so your tendon is busted and you drop the katana. Oh, but wait, I have two arms. Which arm? The one with the weapon. The offhand? Come on! Alright, so your tendon is busted and you drop the katana. Oh, my katana. Oh, I could see it too.

Just like a slice. And you're like, ah! And literally, yeah, the muscle just like lets go. It's just loose. It's gone. To tink, tink, tink, the katana hits the ground. Third action. Ray shield. She is hunkering down. Well, you flanked her, so that effectively

just neutralizes that. Doesn't give her a higher AC than she had before she was flanked. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Alright, so here's what's going to happen. This is why I told you more about the regeneration. You do see the blade ball come back to life momentarily, but then it's going to take... 1d4

persistent. 1d4 electricity. Does it come back to life and then get a turn? Because the damage comes at the end of its turn. Oh, you know what? Because you... Well, no, you killed it. So basically the regeneration acts at the big start of its turn. So it gets some...

Whatever, how many hit points it gets, that's enough to bring it awake. Yeah. So it's awake. Is that an action? No. So then it would get its full turn before the... It takes the persistent. That's right.

Is it a reaction? Let me see. I would have kicked this thing into another room. I would have just thrown it. It's not an action. The monster regains the listed number of hit points each round at the beginning of its turn. And blah, blah, blah, blah, which you don't...

Which is not super important. Alright, so it comes back to life. Oh, God. You know what's crazy? It's going to get its whole turn, and then unless I roll minimum damage on the electricity, it's going to just go down again. But this, giving it a whole extra turn is amazing. All right.

It's unbelievably amazing. It's phenomenal. It's back. It's cheating. And Brother Ramius is standing right there. And so it's going to first action,'s cheating. And Brother Ramius is standing right there. And so it's going to first action focus its gaze on Brother Ramius, and you'll have to immediately save against its feel the blades thing.

So that was an action. That's a will save, yeah. Okay. Fail. That's like the 15th four I've seen you roll. Yeah. Die is ice, ice cold. You are a frightened one. It was a 14.

So frightened one. I mean, that just, that really hurts. That really hurts. The guy who already stinks. Now, frightened goes down by one at the end of each turn? Yes. All right. So remember, like, if you were frightened before,

it goes down by one. I'm not frightened anymore. I haven't been putting the conditions on you because you guys have your own Demiplane sheets. But just remember, you're frightened one, it goes away. Who is sponsoring this episode, which I don't think you even mentioned. Demiplane. Demiplane. I mean, honestly, if you're building character sheets, it is the best one out there.

That's it. It is the best one out there. And Foundry VTT has been life-changing for me as a GM, and you can already see the way it builds immersion for the players. And then, of course, newest Foundry, Natural 20. Oh, I just rolled

another one. Get out of here! Toy dice, on sale in the merch store. Alright, so with its second two actions, it is going to... Let me see if that includes movement. If I want to do that whirring slice. Also, okay, the creature regains hit points.

Let's get real ticky-tacky. Yeah, yeah. Because this is a serious situation. Does it just, like, hover for free as well? Is that just a thing? Or does it have to, like, get up free as well? Is that just a thing? Or does it have to, like, get up from prone, quote unquote? Well, it can just fly. It doesn't need an action to start taking off.

You know, it has a fly speed. So what it did to me, it just did from the ground. From the ground, right. It's very disturbing. Yeah. And so now what it's going to do is just start spinning in place and just shoot its way at either you or Asta.

Man. Or anybody I want, honestly. You guys seem more fun here. Asta's already bleeding. Buggles is over there. Zev, you know what? Let's have some fun here. Talitha, you look a little too comfy over there. How did I get involved in this?

How did my character get involved in this? How did my character get involved in this encounter? Alright, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to do 1, 2, 3, Talitha, 4, 5, 6. Ramius, I think we know where this is going to end up. Talitha. Oh! It just kind of Brother Ramius tries to hit it

as it goes by and it's embarrassing. Just like, wow, that guy has never played softball before. Go ahead and give me a reflex save if it attempts to cut you. 14. Hell.

A couple things are going to happen. Yet again, you're going to take some slashing damage. Three points of slashing, and you are bleeding. This thing sucks. And now, why don't you go ahead and give me the 1d4 electricity damage.

Gladly. Come on, max it out, dude. Kill it. Again. Two. And that's enough to take it back. Yeah. Oh my god. It gets one point back. It gets one or two points back. One or two. But enough to take it back. Yeah. Oh, my God. It gets one point back. It gets one or two points back. One or two. But we got to put it down.

That's amazing. We can't let it get another turn. Which it will. I'm looking at you, Joe. I got other business to attend to. I'm sorry. All right. Well, that thing is now behind Talitha.

Talitha's got to deal with it but can't deal with it. Talitha just wants to get away from it probably.'t deal with it. Just wants to get away from it, probably. But that means you're getting closer to Captain Sala. Why can't you deal with it? Don't try to think my thoughts for me. Well, you tell me what you're thinking, because it's your turn. Okay. And you're bleeding!

I'm going to stick it with my rapier. Oh, yeah, take it down further in the dying. Okay. Roll. To hit? It's a tiny little thing, yeah. I mean, it's a tiny little thing do i need to devise a strategy real quick question sorry are you doing this uh correctly mechanically or are you doing

this like flavorfully mechanically he troy said so you're gonna just like attack it three times basically or two times i i was gonna going to do two and bring it down. See if that gets a dying score. Troy said something. He was like, oh, it's dying at one. It seemed like the way he was talking about it did make a difference if it was a dying one. He did say that you're the only one that can kill it. Stop its regeneration.

Yeah. But I do wonder if I hit it three times. Purely if you hit it. It might be wounded one. So it might be dying two right now. If he's tracking that, which you don't normally track, that's why I'm a little weirded out about this. Because you might hit it all you want

and he might just not let it happen. But also, I wouldn't I think Talitha, even though it would regenerate, this thing came out of the attack the most obvious thing to do would be to stick it with the rake. 100%. I just want to make sure you weren't doing this purely for mechanical reasons, because it might not work out. But narratively, it makes perfect sense. Its AC has been significantly

lowered by the fact that it is dying. All right. First attack. Eleven. Hits. Oh, wow. So it goes to dying two. Okay. Second attack. It's not a crit. It was dying one. It died.

It has to be wounded if you're tracking that thing. It died once it came back. Ah, yes, I'm sorry. Okay, so dying three. So now it's dying three. Second attack. Can you destroy it? Natural one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. How can you sleep with yourself? How can you sleep with yourself? Is that what we said? How do you sleep with yourself? How do you sleep with yourself at night? what we said? How do you sleep with yourself? How do you sleep with yourself at night? Oh, my God. That's hilarious.

We're going to die. That's right. It was wounded, so you took it to dying three. You go to finish it off-ish. How does that manifest? Do you stab your own foot? Let's find out. I guess we'll find out.

That way. With the thumb. A Buick drives into the room and hits you in the sword. Another centaur shows up and hits you in the sword. Another centaur shows up and kicks you. Alright, this one. Another centaur shows up. Whatever enemy you're fighting triples.

Yeah, I was gonna say. Yeah, I was gonna say. If the creature you're fighting is already dead, it comes back to life. Are you fighting a Veil S enemy's friends from college show up. Are you fighting a male sarcophagus? High school bully shows up. We've got Andrew from Derry, New Hampshire. Hi, Andrew.

Derry in the house. Derry in the house. Derry. This one is divine disappointment. I'll say. So close to Brother Ramius. One of the gods, perhaps your own, was enjoying the spectacle of your battle until this moment.

Your attack misses horribly. It really is horrible. Your embarrassing attack offends the watching deity so much that they inflict you with Enfeebled I until you succeed on another melee attack. Oh, okay. Wow. Wow. I haven't had

Enfeebled in Pathfinder 2e. Do you even have a god? I do. Who's your god? Phrasma. Oh, dark. Lady of Graves. Status penalty equal to the condition value to strength-based rolls and DCs including strength, etc.

Okay. Yeah. Wait, but don't you use your dex? Or do you use strength when you attack? The rapier is a finesse weapon. The rapier is a finesse weapon, yeah. So it doesn't matter at all. I'm taking a minus four to this third attack.

Really? From enfeebled? It's my third attack. Oh, right, right, right. Sorry. Okay. I'm going to change dice. You're like, no, no, from the rules of the attack. Oh, right, right, right. Sorry. Okay. I'm going to change dice. You're like, no, no, from the rules of the game.

From the standard rules of the game. Okay, third attack. Okay. Is it? Is it another one? It's not a one. It's not a one. It's a two to hit. I rolled a natural six. That's definitely a miss.

I feebly kick at it in the dirt One thing we're not doing is Should it be moving in the initiative order Of the person that knocked it That's one thing we didn't do This is a weird situation Because these enemies normally don't get dying Right

Who was the one that took it out I did So technically it should have moved before There's a lot going on here the one that took it out. I did. Asta did. Alright, so technically it should have moved before Asta. There's a lot going on here. I should have been able to go before it. Yeah. Well, I'm just going to leave it where it is because Talitha is the one that took it back down and now it goes

before Talitha. It is what it is. Is that it, Talitha? That's my turn. Good job. Shut up. It's Brother Ramius' turn. Brother Ramius, you're frightened. Talitha is enfeebled. She looks weak. She looks weak.

In the presence of a dead ball. I didn't even hit it, so I'm still enfeebled. Oh, wait. I bleed. I bleed. You bleed. Do you bleed blood? I bleed.

You take four points of bleed damage. And I fail to fight. Oh, my God. Talitha. Going through all of your d20s. Are you rotating? I've gone through four d20s on the turn. And even when I hit him, it wasn't great.

It's like a natural five. What do you do? Brother Rami, I mean, this is a nasty situation with this thing and Talitha bleeding, trying to fight it. But he feels that the centaur is the bigger threat at the moment, so he's just going to turn in place, look back around at this battle that's happening on the other side of this table where Buggles and Asta are flanking the creature,

and he sees Asta get really roughed up, so he's just going to yell across at you, Asta, take her out! And he is going to heal you. So he's going to cast heal so that you get that tendon repaired and can use your arm and your weapon for 15 points. Let's go back up to full. We'll remove the bleeding.

We'll not remove the bleeding. Right. But we'll remove the torn tendon situation. So with the way it was written, she couldn't pick up her weapon until the tendon was fixed? She couldn't manipulate. I could have the tendon was fixed? She couldn't manipulate I could have used my offhand But she couldn't cast spells or anything like that Wow

Yeah I could have cast spells Yeah, but if you got crit by her maybe once You'd go down Then we'd have to deal with you at dying, so Just saying, I could have cast spells What else you got? What else you got?

Thank you Then he will have a holy cantrip that you can cast from range. It's two actions unfortunately. So I'm just going to have to deal with this thing in another round. Just assuming people

can stay up enough. Okay. Yeah. So he will aid Buggles with a prayer. Ah, prayer. A religion check. A religion check to the Keeper. Awesome.

It's Zephyr's turn to end round two. What? It means to be alive. It lets him destroy it. All right. I'm in monastic archer stance. I'm going to move without my ruler on because I'm measured already. I'm going to move right in front of the door so that I don't take a volley penalty.

And I'm going to use my focus spell, key strike. I only get one of these every time I rest. So I make an unarmed strike or a flurry of blows. And I gain a plus one status bonus each time I make my attack. Okay. And then I deal extra damage if it hits. Okay. At Big Bad Lady.

Show me what you got. BBL. It's a natural two for the first one. Oh my god. We are all ice cold. Just gonna put that dice over there and roll the second one. Oh boy. Oh my god.

Oh. Stamos, did you nat one all for your dice box? Oh, no. No. Yeah. Oh, no. Lord, she's ice cold. I was like, this is going to be such a big turn because I'm going to use my focus spell.

Oh. And if I hit it because it's flanked, I'm going to do extra damage. Okay. And then I did it. Oh, man. You ever become so disappointed in yourself?

I was just a diviner. What were you saying earlier in this episode, Joe? Sorry, what? Trying to deal with your another goddamn fumble. Something about just being disappointed in yourself and not having any hope.

Yep. Anyway. There's no point. There's no point in trying. Joe, what do we got? Alright, we've got Tom from Madison, Wisconsin. Hi, Tom. Earthplace of the onion. Can I call you Jim? This is interesting with your monastic archer stance.

The newspaper. Walk it off. Yeah, not the vegetable. Walk it off. Your attack misses because you're getting terrible cramping in your legs. You take a minus two circumstance penalty to your AC until you're able to move for a total of 1d4 times 20 feet of distance. So basically you got to move around this room to walk it off. Otherwise, you take a penalty to your AC.

Wow. Good job on that fumble. How far does she have to move to walk it? That makes me so mad. She has to move 40 feet. A total of 40 feet. Wow. She can't even do in one action.

No. Yeah, so, I mean, now that I know that I have to do that, I'm going to move 25 feet for my third action. Yeah. I feel it. We're going to get some of that out. I don't want to, I guess, yeah, I'll go up to next to Ramius here. 25 feet.

Starting to walk it off. It's 15 feet left. 15 feet to go. All right. So you just start to walk it off 15 feet to go. You see this magic start to happen with her bow, and it just fizzles out and pops. And she's like, oh, oh, Charlie Horse.

Oh, all right. And now she's walking around the room. That is such a bummer about your focus spell. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Sucks. Top of round three. Buggles turn.

Buggles is standing toe-to- to toe with this thing that towers over him. So when Brother Ramius starts uttering his thing, you see Buggles grimace. He bears his little fangs. And he says in this language that you don't understand. Save your prayers there is no god but me

and hit him with the ice with the ice oh yeah that is a 26 to hit that is a hit way to go again and prove there's no need for religion that is 11 points of cold damage nice right oh Sorry, 10 points

of cold damage. 10 points of cold damage. And the same thing happens again. Even though the shield is raised, she didn't use it to try and block your thing, so she'll use her reaction to have the cape activate. Give me a reflex save.

Ah, natural three. Oh! It's a critical failure. Alright, so you take a little bit of damage as this thing like snaps its jaws at you and comes to life.

You take five points of piercing damage and you'll take one bleed on your turn. You are bleeding. Everybody's bleeding. Everybody's bleeding. Everybody's bleeding, not fatigued. Do you have any actions left? Yeah.

So is he like trapped by this thing now or just? No, it was just an attack. It was like. And so he redirects this pain from this injury with his mind and does a side burst right into her mind. So give me a will save. A will save. We're about to see who's

worthy. Bam! 25. Sideburst. What'd you get? 25. Okay. You take two points of damage. Two points of damage. Psychic damage. So just like as the cape comes up and grabs you, you redirect that pain into her mind. So cool.

It's almost like an audible whip crack in her hand. She snarls at you. Whoa. And now my aura again vanishes. The Kulakan is gone and Buggles is back.

He's stupefied and frightened. Oh, Buggles! Let's see if Asta can finish this because that's not a good place for Buggles to be. So Asta's arm healed. She looks down at the katana but I need to

spell strike and I have to either cast a spell before I spell strike. If I pick up my weapon I can't spell strike, and I have to either cast a spell before I spell strike. If I pick up my weapon, I can't spell strike. Why not? Spell strike is a two-action, Jon, and it's a move action to pick up a weapon. Yeah, spell strike. You have three actions a turn.

Yeah. Move, and before I spell strike, picking up... It's right at your feet. The spell strike is part of... No, no, no. I know. I have to cast a spell before I can spell strike again. I have to recharge my...

No, no. You don't have to cast a spell. You have to take a centering action. I either have to cast a spell or center and spend an action to recharge. That's cool. That's really cool. I forgot about that part. So she looks down at the katana with her healed arm and she goes to grab it.

And then she instead... It's almost monk-like. Like she like and pulls her fist back and just punches the horse woman. We're back to the punching again. This is more effective. It would be cool though, like in that stance, it was like. Yeah, she's in her arcane cascade stance. And as she punches i'm going to cast hydraulic push oh there you go and punch this horse in the neck okay okay all

right spell strike with your fist wait i'm spell striking with my i'm gonna center myself one action not pick up the katana spell strike with my fist Wow. And you don't have another use of the shocking one, because remember, she's covered in metal. I could, but... I mean, I could. If you were trying to save it, that's fine. I just wanted to remember. No, I... You've got it, and she's got this metal shit all over her.

I prepared... Did I prepare it? I think I did. Yes. Oh, no, I didn't. Oh, because it doesn't work like a sorcerer. Yeah, I have my book. You prepared it, you used it, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, no, I didn't. Oh, because it doesn't work like a sorcerer. Yeah, I have my book. You prepared it.

You used it. That's it. Yeah. And I have another spell slot, but... Don't roll a natural one. We can't have another one. We can't have another one. Why would you say that?

Whatever happens, don't roll a natural one. Don't talk to me. All right. Don't talk to me when I'm rolling. I'm focusing. Anything but a one. Okay, it's not, but it's also not good. It's going to be a 19.

Oh, plus 1. It's going to be a dirty 20. That's not that bad for flanking. And it's flanking. Plus 1, dirty 20, and it's off guard. It's off guard, but it has a shield race. But I

used my... Oh, yeah, he does not has a shield raise. But I used my... Oh, yeah, he does not have a shield raise. That was last turn. I used my reaction to have the cloak, so I can't do shield block with the shield up. Oh, no, the shield still gives you the AC. Your shield is still raised. But you're flanked, so it's...

It offsets. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so what happened? Dirty 20. So dirty 20. It's a hit. Right.

My AC is higher But then it's lower That's a hit Yeah Good job Alright Confusing So that's

Three points I guess Of bludgeoning with my fist Non-lethal Plus an extra one From force From my arcane cascade stance It's a force damage One force

Then My hydraulic push It is 3d6 It's just a damage, one force Then, my hydraulic push It is 3d6 It's just a regular success Right? Yeah Yes So 3d6 Let's see

A dog push doesn't have a save against it, right? No, god, I rolled Like, absolute trash I'm so pissed 9 points Oh wait, you have to make a Oh, because you critically succeed Like, absolute trash. I'm so pissed. Nine points. There is a... Oh, wait, you have to make a... Range spell attack.

Oh, because you critically succeed. You could do crazy damage with this thing. I could do 6d6. Holy shit. If I crit. Critically succeed, okay. All right, so what's the total? Nine points.

So it was... Sorry. Before, I don't know what I said. Three points of non-lethal fist. Plus one force. So four plus nine is 13. 13 points total. 13 points, but some of that was non-lethal.

Three was non-lethal. It all gets added together all the same. She falls. Yeah! Wow! Nice. She crumbles to the ground in front of you and buckles. Yeah.

Oh! Ow! Ow, owuggles. Ow! Ow! Ow! That was really cool. Are you okay? Are you okay? We're not through yet.

And he turns over to Talitha. There's a couple of people still bleeding, so let's hold on here. You should have taken one bleed and then rolled to see if you removed the bleed. No. Okay, and now you take some bleed. You're going to take four more bleed, Asta, and let's see if you can remove it. This time is going to be different.

I rolled a four. All right, so you're still bleeding. What is happening? Captain Salah is out now. The gross blade ball. We'll see if it will move up to another dying. You don't know. It's still down.

It is Talitha's turn. Talitha, you have three actions, but you're still bleeding, and this thing is standing in front of you, but you don't think you have the power to end it. I am going to stab it, though, because I want to get rid of this enfeebled. Yep. Okay.

14 to hit. Okay, you hit it. Okay, I rid of this enfeebled yep uh okay uh 14 to hit okay you hit it okay i'm no longer enfeebled stop uh and then i will i'll stab one more time okay okay there we go natural 15 there you go 16 great then you take four points of bleed my d4 is only roll four and then roll a flat check uh i have another action. Oh, sorry. I'm gonna... I guess I better quick tincture. No, I'll save it. Okay, let me see how the flat check goes. So four points of bleed.

You know, let me try to stab one more time. See if it makes a difference. Okay. That'll be a three to hit. You could roll another natural one. Maybe just stop. I thought you did, Carissa. I got really scared. It was seven. Alright, so you just keep stabbing at this thing, hoping that it's making a difference, but with regeneration, you're just not sure.

You take four points of damage and then try to remove that bleed. 14, which is, is it DC 15? DC 15, yes. So you're still bleeding. All right, so three of you are still bleeding, and it goes to Brother Ramius. Brother Ramius, you know that you are the only one

that can stop its regeneration, but three of your allies are bleeding out. Yeah, okay, he will attempt to stop its regeneration. So, Tony the, watch out. And he's going to shoot past you. Watch out. A divine lance at this thing, and this just white light comes emanating out of his hand

and just bang into the creature, hopefully sending it forever away. That's good. That's a 21 to hit. 21 is a critical with its AC. Oh, beautiful. So it just... Nice.

Into nothing. She's covered in her own blood. Yeah, exactly. So we gotta stay in combat rounds. He's like, come here, let me close that up. I have bandages. Divinely has one action?

No. His turn is over. Right. So now it goes to Zephyr. Zephyr. While Asa was bleeding, didn't you heal her to her full hit points? Yeah, but it doesn't, magical healing doesn't take away. It does. It does if you go to full.

If you're at your full. Were you at full when I healed you? You healed me back up. Yeah, you healed me. Yeah, you're not bleeding anymore. I gave you 15. Was that to your max? Yes.

Then you're not bleeding. Oh, thank you. It says bleed damage ends automatically if you're healed to your full hit points. Oh, I did not know that. Okay. Give yourself four hit points back and you'll remove the bleeding. However, Talitha and Buckles are still bleeding. So, Zephyr, is there anything you can do?

And no is fine. We can just... Yeah, I don't think so. You'd have to be trained in medicine. Yeah. I am... You can slit my throat. I am...

No, I'm not. You could slit my throat. Put me out of my misery. I'm going to walk. I'm going to do a lap around the room. Okay, just kind of walk it off. All right, all right, all right. You see me limping like a charley horse,

like, oh, shaking my leg. Yeah. All right, Buggles, is there anything you can do for yourself or do you just want to roll the flat? I think I, yeah, I don't have medicine. All right, you're only taking one bleed, so you do take one bleed, and then...

Nope, fail again. All right, so Buggles, you see, is starting to trickle. And Buggles is like, his head is swimming. Like, he sees this corpse of this horrible horse beast in front of him. He's disoriented. He's bleeding. He's just like, ah, ah!

Yeah, he continues to bleed. You must see this. You must see Buggles is all out of sorts over there. Asta, you're standing across from this fallen centaur, which is a big mound of the body, but you do see Buggles struggling. Can you do it? And Buggles actually, like, he slips.

I guess he's, like, walking backwards. He slips in his own blood, and he's just like, ugh. Hits his head on the table. Yeah. Dies. Knocks himself out. Dies. Million dollar baby.

I am. Spoilers. Million dollar babies. Million dollar buggles. Million dollar buggles. Episode title. That's the title of the episode. What a terrible day I would like to

Walk over to Buggles around The horse corpse The centaur corpse And Asta will get down on the ground In the blood with him And she'll go, it's okay, it's okay Hold still, hold still, it's okay Hold on and i'm

gonna treat uh do a first aid check i guess with my trained medicine is that what you're trained in medicine yeah yep then administer first aid it's two actions two actions so i'll move and then do that as my two actions to stop his bleeding okay all right so the dc on this is going to be probably this thing's class d, I would guess, since it didn't... Is that how it works? Yeah, it's the DC of the effect. Oh, because it's... Well, I'll do my best.

I don't know if I'm going to get that. Because that wasn't like a spell it cast. That was just an after effect of its attack, right? So probably its class DC would be the DC. Okay. It makes perfect sense So probably its class DC would be the DC. Okay. It makes perfect sense that it's class DC because it's,

how violently do its blades cut? Or it could be the DC of the effect that Buggle's rolled against. The reflex save. Is that what makes you bleed? Yeah, it's the ball. Oh, I'm sorry.

That was from the cape. Yeah. Oh, from the cape, not from the ball. Two different things, sorry. So the same DC yes so 21 success awesome yeah so I just kind of calm

bubbles down and start to pack his wound and tape him up that's great okay and yeah he slowly starts to come around and the little bit of relief and like understanding where he is so cute and also says you were so brave

No I don't think I was She just kind of holds Buggle she goes we'll just sit here okay we can just sit here we don't have to get up there Blood mingling in each other's open wounds and it goes to Talitha

Got Francis wounds and it goes to Talitha. Got Francis for that one. Francis and Matt. Each of your blood seeping into each other's open wounds in this beautiful scene. Talitha, anything you can do I'm going to try to misinterpret it to myself. I'm going to try to staunch

the bleeding. What was the DC? 15? I think it's 15. No, it's... Oh, no. It's the class DC. It's the DC of the effect. Oh, yeah.

What effect put you at bleeding? The ball thing. The ball's blades. Glad I deleted that. It would be the class DC of the ball. The class DC of the ball. The ball blades. I rolled a natural 19.

Oh, you're fine. So I stopped the bleeding. Yep. All right, so good. The bleeding is... Ugh, we're done. Over. You're fine. So I stopped the bleeding. The bleeding is done. Over. You guys ready to go to the next room? No, no, no. I'll be right back.

I'm just going to kick down this door. And he kicks down the next door. Zephyr sits at the table. Now that her leg feels better. And looks around the room at the skulls from there. I sit next to you.

I searched the centaur. This lady's got to have some cool stuff. She doesn't have any pockets in that horse body. I checked to see if there's any pockets. Check for gift certificates.

Oh, okay. We could use a gift card to like an olive garden or something. That would be fucking awesome. Oh my God. Imagine if she had Dave and Buster's. We would go crazy.

That's exactly what we need. As a team building exercise and as just some relief. Dave and Buster's? Yeah. I said at the table too. Alright, that's cute. Are you still stupid? No, that passes after two rounds.

All right, you search the body of the centaur. She has a long sword. She has a spear. She has actually five spears. Are they all large size? Good question. I know it is large size. The magical cloak on her back.

Whoa. Oh, it's a... I'm not sure how resizing things works in this. We can look into that between episodes. She's also wearing a breastplate and has a steel shield. I would think that these are sized large. Everything. Longsword, spear, breastplate, steel shield, but

who was she? Captain Sulla. She told us her name. She told us her name in most of her story. But why does she come to serve Kenebo And he's asking this as he's Patching up Talitha I think Brother Amos I think she was a creature

Of evil Do you think That it's just in their nature That some creatures derive pleasure from Joe What did you do No I'm just patching up Talitha Joe rolled a die and went that some creatures derive pleasure from a... Joe. What did you do? No, I'm just passionate.

Joe rolled a die and went... Just lost all color in his face. There wasn't much in there to begin with. Do you think some creatures just naturally derive pleasure from others' pain? Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, this one definitely seemed to be into that. She looks around, skulls in the room, and the meat around the corner. The questionable meat. I don't know how else to explain it. She seemed excited to...

What did she say? Jo is trying to heal me. He rolled another natural one. Oh, that's what you're doing over there. Is you bleeding and just losing hip joints every time? Just butchering her. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Stay still.

I loved the conversation. I'm sorry. Stay still. Do you think people try to intentionally hurt others? I saw Zephyr. I saw Zephyr at one side of the table, too. At least at the other. Can you keep it down?

I think some people unintentionally hurt other people. So you take that much damage. Oh my god. I'm still working. Come on. Continue your role play. You're killing her. Buggles in the back. You're killing her.

Buggles, I'm doing my best. They just go on unperturbed. They stop. Seppurr, let's take a walk. Let's look at all these skulls. Yeah. Maybe into the meat room. Oh, let's look at the meat room.

Yeah. Buggles, do you want to take a walk? And Buggles is still pretty badly hurt. So he's just like, no, I think I'll give it a miss this time. Thank you, though. Thank you for stopping me from bleeding to death.

Yep. And now for our cleric to do their job. So you stand up. You look up and Brother Amius, just sweat pouring down his face There's blood all over him It's been an hour and a half He's like

Who's next? We lost her His hands are shaking I need water I need a glass of water Someone bring me water I think I'm alright actually I need a glass of water It's like we lost her Can someone bring me water? I think I'm alright actually I think I just

Boggles please I'll be fine Boggles Come over here Time heals all wounds As they say Boggles get over there Alright

Are you smoking? Yeah Is he smoking? He's gonna steady himself He rolls a tobacco cigarette With the page of a book. The hands shaking. His hands shaking.

He's just like, It was a hard one. Buggles! Buggles! It's like mash. It really is. And it should be treated as such. This is nasty, man.

This is war. This is nasty, man. Oh, yeah. This is war. This is gross and brutal. And time has to pass as we take care of this. So in actuality, it took me 40 minutes to take care of Talitha. So lots to discuss. He's going to start patching up Buggles. Buggles.

Before you actually touch him, he reaches and he like gently sort of grabs your wrist and he says I'm sorry he said that about your prayer I'm sure he didn't mean it do you and he's starting to work on you do you know what he said I couldn't

understand it you and I speak many languages oh well I suppose it isn't important then he said. I couldn't understand it. You... And I speak many languages. Oh. Well, I... I suppose it isn't important, then. But, in any case, I... Did it feel wrong, what he said? To you?

It was... It was rude. It was rude. But I... I think he... He... I think he means well, at least as far as I'm concerned. And when did you first start speaking with him? He came to me when I was in trouble at my... where I used to live. And he... Helped protect you.

He helped me, yes, he helped me. And he has been with me ever since. He comes and goes. I have noticed when we were outside earlier, and he kind of smiles, and he's making progress. He does seven points of healing. Oh.

Are you still down? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so he's making progress he does seven points of healing are you still down? oh yeah so he's just going to keep working I noticed outside he came over you again it seems to be these sort of violent episodes where he emerges when you're in danger

it is it is a little unpleasant it can be unpleasant but also It is. It is a little unpleasant. It can be unpleasant, but also it is good, I suppose, to feel strong for at least for a moment. Yes, it is nice to feel strong. I wouldn't, I wouldn't know. And he smiles and he crits natural 20 wouldn't. I wouldn't know. And he smiles. And he crits natural 20.

Oh. So that is 17. You still down? No, I'm good. Okay, great. He says, I know something of feeling weak. Oh, the weaker one. I, when I was younger, I, I had a brother who was very strong, and I always seemed to pale in comparison.

Always a bit thinner, always a bit slower to run. And I think it's my heart, really. That's what the physicians told me when I was younger. Something beats a little slower. Something makes me sometimes hard to catch breath and hard to keep up. And to watch him be so excellent in so many things it was difficult

so I certainly understand the feeling of wanting that strength but I worry is it worth losing yourself entirely? It's hard to think of you

thinking of yourself as weak. You are so big. And you say your heart is weak. Your heart is good. You have a good heart. Oh, thank you, Buggles. And you do as well. I'm glad that

we are working together here to try to find this answer to our question. The answer to why we passed through. But with each place we go, looking around at this really foreign, strange place, you know, it only brings up more questions. Do you miss your brother? I do. Very much.

Very much. He kind of gets lost in thought. I miss mine, too. Your brother. I had many brothers and sisters. Or so I thought of them. Yes, it's been very long since I have been home. Home is a concept that has eluded me for many years now. Do you think we will ever see home again, Brother Ramius? I don't know, Buckles. I think first we have to find out...

if we can be safe anywhere. And if we can be safe... from this... you know... perhaps we could return home. I suppose I don't want to return to where I came from. But it would be nice to find a home. I suppose I don't want to return to where I came from, but it would be nice to find a home. I suppose I don't either, Buckles.

Maybe it's just that feeling of home. Perhaps we could create a new one. That would be good. That would be nice. Well, you're all set there. And he sort of pats on the places where he's placed the bandages. You're in great shape. Stretches us. Thank you, brother.

Like hops down from the chair. It's as good as new. And I said, that's not a lamb shake. That's a pork medallion. It's... It's a joke. I know it is.

That would do really well with Kitsune. They would find that very funny. Maybe one day I'll get it. Would you like to hear another joke? Okay, we can try it again. Oh. No, I understand. You're tired. Brace yourself. You're tired. Anyway, look at try it again. Oh. No, I understand. You're tired.

Brace yourself. You're tired. Anyway, look at all this meat. Can we examine this corner? Yeah, I mean, the skulls, the first thing that kind of jump out at you, because they're all, like, glowing, and they seem to be staring at you. And they're all different shapes, but all humanoid. You don't see any with, like, multiple eye sockets.

They're all two eye sockets. Nose, mouth. Some don't contain the lower jaw. But the meat, it looks like... Maybelline. Some of it is definitely... Maybe. Does this look like Maybelline meat?

It looks like a human body that's been vivisected surgically and hung. The other one might be a side of beef or a torso of a human. Male, female? Can't tell. Can't tell. There's no skin. A side of beef is generally larger than a human.

A humanoid or? It would be a small cow You make a great point Yeah it's uh You're certain some of that is human meat There's no reason to think it isn't all Human meat Does it smell good is it fucked up cause it like kinda smells good

The smell doesn't bother you And then there's like a Little oven in the corner back there This is human Little thing giving off little oven in the corner back there. This is human. Little thing giving off light there in the southern corner. Cool. It's like a little kiln. Kiln.

Kin. Are we doing word association? No, I had an art teacher who pronounced it kin, and I was never sure if that was actually right. Kiln. I think it's kiln, but she just always said kiln. You look at that little pantry in there. Classic Denver accent.

Dropping the L in kiln. That's one of the few. A little larvae inside of the skulls provide a light to the room, like a greenish light. But that doesn't go into the pantry, so that little kiln there that's giving light is just providing light to that dim corner. But you do get the sense that this is like a banquet hall where food would be prepared

and then brought out to this now half-destroyed table. Got it. I see two doors in this corridor to the north. Can we go listen at them? Sure. I will listen at the one, the western door up in that northern corridor. The westron door? Sure.

Natural five for twelve. You put your ear up to that door and it just like opens. I look inside. Hallway. You look inside, and you see a long hallway. It stretches like up to the northwest.

Asta, do you hear anything at that door to the north? Hold on. And I reach into my little side bag belt thing under my robe and I have a little brass ear which is part of my equipment. I bought this. It's a short tube and it goes in the ear canal

and you can use it to listen through a door or a window. It's a hearing trumpet. Yeah. Is that a thing? Mm-hmm. Oh. Yeah, it is. What was that?

Want the moon? And I put it against the door and I listen. 22. Nothing on the other side of the north door. And, Talitha, you turn back to look up this hallway, and you see along the western wall, or the western side of this long corridor, are framed paintings, all equally set apart,

stretching all the way down the hallway. Each painting glows softly. And you can see, like, the first few, and they depict figures that seem to be moving in the frame. It's Hogwarts. If you sit there for a second and watch, it looks like a cycle, like starting and restarting. These moving pictures, like short, repeating scenes.

Motion pictures? Moving. Short, moving pictures? Like a gif. Is it a short film festival? It's a short film festival. A gentleman gives out tickets, please. Is y'all voting? I'll go check out the paintings.

Is this a Nickelodeon, you see? How much? Five cents? Bear with me one moment. I want to investigate these pictures. I'm coming, too. Oh, great. Talitha and Asta enter this corridor and start to look at the paintings. The first one portrays a long, thin figure. Eight foot tall, maybe hairless, rail-thin body, completely genderless,

and like the color of pale slate. Has an oversized mouth full of flat teeth, puncturing an otherwise skull-like face. Strips of flayed skin hang from its body and you see this figure just like awakening in a dark mossy bower and as you watch this sort of scene unfold because it's moving

you get the sense that the creature is being born but it's like fully formed as it awakens in this power. Keep moving on. You look at the second painting, and you see this same figure kneeling before this massive, cloaked fae of chaotic darkness. A powerful figure looks like a ruler of some sort, and this slim humanoid is kneeling, showing fealty to this cloaked figure. And the paintings continue in this fashion showing scenes of this figure

throughout its life. You don't know where it doesn't change its visage but it feels chronological. And they're all moving and repeating these movements over and over. The next one shows this figure coming upon the gnawed corpse of a human. And the human has in its hand a strange carved leaf.

Then you see the figure tracing the trail of this human back to where it came from and coming upon a huge stone arch then pulling that carved leaf out that it took from the body and using the leaf as the gate's key to activate and pass through the arch emerging into a clearing that you recognize. Even though it looks completely different from when you saw it, it is the location of the true Seven Arches, but much different, overgrown. It was a long time ago.

The next one shows this figure now in that world, your world, The next one shows this figure now in that world, your world, hunting elves. Gorging on their shadows, capturing them, experimenting on them, vivisecting them, clearly trying to do something very specific, but ultimately failing in every single one of his experiments and killing the elves. The next one shows a group of elves, elven heroes, banding together to stop this fey menace, hauling it back through the seventh arch, back into the first world, where they imprison this figure in the stump of a giant tree. You see in the moving painting the elves taking that little leaf key back from the Fae to ensure the figure would be stranded in this world,

the world which you find yourselves in now. The next painting shows this figure sitting in its prison, just experimenting with shadow stuff. And as it experiments with this shadow stuff, the stuff with which the realm is made up of, you see its realm within the tree growing, changing, altering, based on the mind of this fae. And it grows in such a way that tendrils from this plane branch out into the material plane, seep into the material plane. And you see this figure coming to a great discovery and then sending a great evil through these branches from the first world back into the material world, and eventually escaping their tree stump and returning to the material world,

only to find that the elves are gone and that they left long, long ago. and that they left long, long ago. The next one chronicles this figure's return from the material plane, disappointed that its enemies have left back to the first world. Spending centuries haunting and stealing people from the material plane to experiment on them, looking for something. Going into the Material Plane, taking someone back into the First World, trying to figure something out, recruiting other fey creatures like the Gorgas to help them hunt. You see them parlaying with Gorgas, trying to convince them to join their cause,

sending the Gorgas into the world to hunt people, to bring them back into the world to hunt people, to bring them back into the Fae's First World stump, yet again looking for something and always being dissatisfied with the results. The ninth painting sees this figure discovering a very familiar-looking oak steward finding Bolan in the woods and instructing him to capture the very key that was used against it so long ago.

And as Asta and Talitha continue moving along to the final painting I imagine the rest of you are following into the room and watching this all unfold as well. You stop in front of the final painting because disturbingly it shows

Brother Ramius, Talitha, Buggles, Zephyr, and Lucky fighting the rebel Oak stewards and fending off the unicorn during your encounter at the Seventh Arch. And you watch and there's like this tiny glow in the background of this image. And you focus in, looking ever so closer at this figure, this slim, fey figure, watching from the trees with its trademark silent grin.

And we'll see you next time. Oh! Oh! That is amazing. That's crazy. So creepy. What a creepy-ass image. That's really messed up. It's always horrible to go into a nightmare place

and find a painting of you there. Yeah, yeah. That's never good. You're like a girl walking right into the trap and doing what it wants. It's like going to an acquaintance's house and finding that you have a picture of you on their wall. It's very weird with them just watching.

And they Photoshop themselves into it. Like, they're it. My best friend. I can't take it. It's time to make your membership official. Become an official member of the N.A.S.H. today

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