The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 35 – Come Snail Away

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

A desparate battle continues to spiral out of control. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/P6mLKMHQs78 This episode was sponsored by Demiplane, Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. Check out Demiplane's Pathfinder Nexus and character creation tools at https://bit.ly/GCNOfficialTools See why tabletop gamers everywhere have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp Go to https://zbiotics.com/GCP to get 15% off your first order when you use "GCP" at checkout. ZBiotics is backed with a 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Visit https://hensonshaving.com/GCP to pick the razor for you. Use code "GCP" and you'll get two years' worth of blades free with your razor—just make sure to add them to your cart. Visit https://lumen.me and use "GCP" to get $100 off your lumen. Go to https://neoplants.com/GCN to get your 7th sachet of Power Drops free of charge at checkout. (note: you must use this link for the discount to apply; look out for the free product that will be automatically added to your cart.) For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine being the first person to ever send a payment over the Internet. New things can be scary, and crypto is no different. It's new, but like the Internet, it's also revolutionary. Making your first crypto trade feels easy with 24-7 support when you need it. Go to kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash PRU dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's

undertaking to register in Canada. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon podcast, I think we're supposed to die. Remember that time I said we should consider running? It is a giant snail amoeba. Brother Ramius, a chunk of it seems to detach and come flying at you.

That's a crit. That's a crit. When you get hit, you lose your footing, so you are in the water, holding onto the rock. Asta. One of its pseudopods comes out and just wha-pah! You lose your footing so you are in the water holding onto the rock Asta one of its pseudopods comes out and just My god already down to put a hand on this like slippery Rock covered in algae and he'll try to pull himself up reach out and cast heel on Asta All right, I roll off the rock I'm in the water and I swim downstream with the current to get to shore. I'll say I had the only smart idea here. I will roll off the rock and into the water.

Brother Ramius. That's gonna be a crit. Oh. Jeez. Dying two. So he just... Talitha. Swim check. Fail.

Bugot ten feet further down. The river starts to turn and there's a waterfall. Brother Ramius! Fail. You go 10 feet further down. The river starts to turn and there's a waterfall. Brother Imaeus! Fail. Dying three. Yeah. 13 points of bludgeoning. I'm down. Jesus. And because you were wounded you go to die. At least you're not in the water now. Let's just take in the scene here. Talitha is being swept down shore towards a waterfall. Buggles is now by himself.

Astrid is on the shore. This creature is still so very much alive, and any damage that's taken from you guys has been abysmal. Which die are you using? Hold it up to the light. There it is. And get ready to roll it. No.

In just one week. No! You son of a bitch! The adventure continues... now. Welcome back everybody to the Glass Cannon Podcast. What you can't see right now is everyone is pointing and playing air musical instruments. Being real weird because they don't think they're on camera. You're on camera!

No the show opens with just you. I know but you guys would be real funny. Do you have a- So we can do whatever we want over here. Do you have a favorite air instrument? Microphone. Yeah. Air microphone.

Air microphone. It's not an instrument. Like this? Do we call that an instrument? How do you do an air mic? Oh, that's- Oh, that's pretty good. You've done that before.

No, it's like air singing. Yeah, it's the best, because it's also silent. It's maybe the funniest one, So it's like air singing. Yeah, it's the best because it's also silent. It's maybe the funniest one because it's not an instrument. We used to backstage do an air show. What was the song? It was? It was the Jane. Oh, Jane.

Jane. Yeah, that's right. I like the high bass, the really high bass. That's a fun one. Way up here. We don't do that with the shows now because, yeah, that's why. Who's who's on drums who likes the drums I love the drums I'm a big air drums guy I love distinguishing between the hi-hat versus another symbol versus the snare or a deeper drum or when you're double tap in the bass You sound like a guy that can play a drum. I can't even close

It's so amazing I sit down behind a set of drums and I and got the hi-hat here, and I got the snare, right? And I got the bass drum. And I explained what beat to play, very basic beat. Whatever. And I'll start it. And no matter what I do, in about eight to nine seconds, everything hits at the exact same time.

I can't distinguish between my hands. And I'm like, this is impossible. It's really alchemy. I don't know how anyone does this. Exactly. Yeah, it really alchemy. I don't know how anyone does this. Exactly. Yeah, it's alchemy. I don't know how anybody does it. That's why you just do it in air.

It looks great in air. There's this, I don't know if it's Instagram, TikTok, one of these things, this guy playing drums. And it's just other people who are amazing at drums, being amazed at this guy who was like, beyond. And you're like, brrrr, enough stuff he can do in like a second it's pretty wild math you get a favorite you know oh you like 80s multiple multiple tears I got my organ over here I got my keys

over here seagulls top of the side that's side. That's a good one. You don't see a lot of multiple keyboards in there. Got my moog over here. What about the guitar that had the keyboard on it? That was fun. The keytar. Yeah, that's a good one. Okay, what are you, a triangle?

You know what? Air triangle. Yeah, for sure. I don't do air instruments. I feel weird when I do it because you start doing it and you're like, I'm not... Just give it a try. I'm not holding anything. Try it. We can always cut it out if it looks weird.

But it'll sound great. Oh, whoa. I can hear it in my soul. Wow, there it is. That is a sonorous, a sonorous ding. What song is playing in your head? You can't even say it on air? It's literally nothing.

She's just playing the triangle. Just focusing really hard on the music. You can't even say it on air? Literally nothing. She's just playing the triangles. Just focusing really hard on things. Like a real triangle. There should be. Could be the cowbell. Could be a dude cowbell. You know what came? Cowbell was the noise that came into my head when I was doing this. And then of course, Pink Floyd started playing, which I fucking hate Pink Floyd.

You don't like Pink Floyd? No, not really. What are you, Johnny Rotten? Their songs are like movies, you know? Our background today is dedicated to Pink Floyd. Ah, yeah. Why don't, wait. They're fine.

Why don't you like Pink Floyd? Why don't you like Pink Floyd? They're fine, I don't hate them. Okay. They're fine. What did they do? Did something happen? They have like-

You're looking down in shame. Is everything okay? You're a big Roger Waters guy? I feel like I just always have these controversial opinions like, oh, you can get Franklin's barbecue in New York. Oh, I don't like movies. Pink Floyd is like the movies of the songs.

Cause they're too long. Yeah. Okay, that's fair. Okay. All right. So not a big grateful dead fan. I don't think that they're my thing, no. I don't see you as a jam band.

Don't tell that to anyone. Fan. Don't tell that to anyone where I live. Hear that? Oh, yeah. Oh my God, that's a bad country. You better hope no one in Woodstock watches this. You could have chosen a lot of places to live if you didn't like jam music.

Do you like jam music? Seriously, you went to jam music Mecca. You know what, every Sunday there's a drum circle in the middle of town. Oh my God. And I can hear it from my house. I'll tell you, we got a couple of close friends that are fish fans.

And I don't, I really, Fish heads. I really don't wanna yuck anyone's yum, but when they send me photos, I'm like, there is something actually wrong with you. Yeah, I agree. I like this and keep going to see them as many times. Wait, it's the photos that make you think

they're not the music? I'm that they're gonna have to do that? I'm just like, what is, how can you do this? How is this enjoyable? Right, like, you can just do drugs at home. Why do you have to, why do you have to pay all that money to go do drugs? I just never, like, my uncles were like, always into like, Grateful Dead and everything.

There's a couple Grateful Dead songs I like, but like, I don't like the Grateful Dead, generally. And like that, and Fish, same thing. It's not my fucking thing. I feel like that's the only time you would listen to jam band music play for hours and on end is when you're on drugs. No, no, I love it.

I love it. I love Grateful Dead at a barbecue in the summer in the background. Where you're not listening to a lyric and you can't hear anything and it's just chilling. I love it. The highest compliment you can pay a genre. I like it when I'm not really listening.

If I can barely hear it, that's when I really hear it. If I can barely hear it, I'm concentrating on something else. That's a great tone. I think I'm always pleasantly surprised when Grateful Dead comes on or Fish comes on because I think in my head, I imagine them to be so much worse than they are

because I have the same vibe. I'm like, I don't like that shit Yeah, but I've heard plenty of Grateful Dead songs. I'm like, who is this and everyone's like Grateful Dead? I'm like, this is what they sound like. Yeah, and it happens every time I hear a Grateful Dead song So I don't know. Maybe I'm I'm not such a hater. Give me a hundred bucks. I can't name three Grateful Dicks No idea. No idea. Okay, can you name one? You love the Grateful Dead. You just said so I'm gonna name three Grateful Dicks. No idea, no idea. I got it.

Can you name one? You love The Grateful Dead, you just said so. No, I don't really know the- You can name one song. I don't know the song titles so much. Touch of Grey. Yeah, I love Touch of Grey. I prefer the War on Drugs, re whatever of-

That one. That one. Re the real Fissionado, you know? Just the title and he comes out with all this intricate, specific shit. I'm Joe. I love The Grateful Dead. I love them so much.

Mostly when I can't hear them and even more so when they're reinterpreted through a filly band that I do like. Well, dude, I mean, if you ask me any band that I like, I can't name 90% of their songs. I don't do like song titles. I don't hold any of that, but yeah. They got plenty of great shit. Skid favorite air instrument? Rhythm guitar, James Hetfield.

Yeah. How would you do that differently than another type of guitar? So show me your rhythm guitar. Just like fucking fast. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, tennis at the bat, hooray, you know?

Yeah. You're not doing the lead line. You're not going that slow. It doesn't matter with the rhythm. It's like, ah! You're getting that fucking wall of sound out there, blowing people's fucking faces off, shredding. That's what it's all about.

Where lead guitar, you're doing other things. You're singing. You have to sing and concentrate. Strumming, you're moving chords around. Yeah, you're soloing on the guitar. Yeah. Or you just want to chug. Yeah.

Just want to chug it. Just melt. Even if it's not appropriate for the song. Yeah. Just tear into that guitar like it did something terrible to your mouth. That's right. I think of it like a musical M60. It's like, ah!

Mowing people down with sounds. Ah! That's the way I play. It's been quite a band we're getting. It's an interesting mix. What do you play? The really high bass. Oh, right.

Maybe a stand up bass now. Oh. And maybe mix the keytar. Yeah, I think I'm gonna put the keytar in there. If I'm doing this, that's when I, hold on. My roadie handed me the keytar. Your roadie handed you the keytar. If you wanna play in an air band,

you gotta really get into it. Like where it's like, it's out of tune. Can I get another? Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's the best, you've got to really get into it. Where it's like, it's out of tune. Can I get another? Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's the best part. You have to go those extra layers. You've got to slam the cymbals on the, the final like, and then you have to reach out and silence it.

I was a little let down that your air microphone didn't include microphone standography. I was going to say the mic- You only use wireless? No, no, no, absolutely not. The mic stand is a part of it, and sometimes you do the trick with the cord. You wrap it around your neck, and then you swing it back around.

You got to go crazy. No wireless mics. Okay. You got a scarf like Steven Tyler. Wait, what does he do? He's got a scarf on the... Multiple scarves. Oh, tied on.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can do that thing where you make the mic go down to the crowd and step on it, comes back up. Yes. It's hard to kind of mimic Like two degrees from three That is so fun even in my fantasy I fuck it up? That is so funny. Even in my fantasy, I fuck it up like I'm bad at it. You still have total control of the reality

and you still fuck it up. Wait, I haven't, Skid just greased my palm. Oh, what? Under the table? Pre-show? When did you do that? Pre-show. You have long palms. At the bathroom. Wait, he's just like going under under the table?

I said it down there, I forgot about it. Skid greased my palm. Wait, so pre-show today, he did a bit from last week's episodeered under the table? I said, I forgot about it. Just gonna grease my pump. Wait, so pre-show today, he did a bit from last week's episodes. In the bathroom? I was coming out of the bathroom. No, outside the bathroom. I was gonna say, I have a lot of questions.

He met me there and he had some bills, you know, a lot of bills in his hand and he just handed me a dollar bill. Oh, and didn't say anything. Or winked, was there a wink? I think it was implied. I think we knew. I said, thank you.

You did say it. Because our bathroom here, you either have to have the key, or you have to wait for someone to come out. And so I was waiting, and he opened the door for me. He's like, what do you do when you're, you know, trying to get into a place, like a bathroom, and you can't do it? And someone lets you in.

You just had a single at the ready? Oh, you said, hold on. What if it wasn't Matthew who came out? He would have given anyone. He had a wad of bills in his hand when I opened it. I had money in my hand for another reason. You're walking into the bathroom with a wad of bills? You just finished a drug deal with someone else? You never know when you go into a bathroom if there's going to be an attendant in there.

You don't want one to be in there, but you have to be ready if they are. You have to have your cash ready to go. Or if you're in South America, you need to pay for the toilet paper. You have to be ready to pay to earn your toilet paper so you can use the bathroom. Yeah, or if they don't have any, then you just use it as toilet paper. Yeah. Classic. I always think of Joe and I's first night we hung out.

You have to think you've told this story before when I drunkenly backed into a car and said, oh, pardon me, miss. That's right. I threw a single on the car and I laughed. And I was doing street and I was like, that is the funniest drunk I've ever met in my life. I've never met a drunk quite that funny. I couldn't pick up the bill because I was the one who took the bill. I made a buck.

My favorite air gesture, because you got to have air guitar, but then there's air gestures that mimic something, is from The Godfather when Sonny breaks the camera And Sonny breaks the camera and he walks away and then he unfolds a bill and do that I mean France is not used to this all the time Tear off some bills and just pay for it like you're so angry the angry pay That's a good one You guys have any other air things? Like you're so angry, the angry pig. Yeah. That's a good one. You guys have any other air things you're doing?

I think there's a ton. Air gestures, yeah. I can't think. Air gestures. This should be the episode today. We should do the whole episode without speaking. Right. Air dice.

This is awesome for a viewing audience. Air dice sound great to me right about now. That would be amazing. I can make up whatever number I want. Yeah. Oh my god, that's a twine. We should get it. You believe me? Yeah, I did. That was real. Yeah, that was an air dice. Oh my god! That's a twat! You believe me?

Yeah, I did. That was real. That was an air dog. Oh, look at this here in my tray. It's a bottle cap. Oh! Air bottle cap. Look at that.

Air bottle cap. Whoa. Living in an elevator! We're going to think about this and maybe this whole show will be air. Be right back. Air actual play. We're gonna we're gonna think about this and maybe this whole show will be air Get it back air actual play So, let's be honest I'm Getting older. I mean we're all getting older, but I I'm there are certain ways I feel it, you know after a night out with a couple drinks

I don't bounce back the next day like I used to. I have to make a choice. I can either have a fun night or a great next day. And that's where Z-Biotics came into my life. Z-Biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next day. Z-biotics produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down.

So just remember to make Z-biotics your first drink of the night, drink responsibly, and you'll feel your best tomorrow. So I've said this before, but I was skeptical. I was skeptical, I admit. And then I had a couple of, I got, I got dragooned into a couple of exciting nights on the town, such as they were. And I decided to give it a try. And the next morning, I felt like a human being. I felt like a person. I was shocked. And now I gave them as stocking stuffers for Christmas.

And I was talking about it with a friend of mine and we met for a drink. And she was like, where's my probiotic thing? Apparently I'm a convert. And now, vacations, weddings, birthdays, and reunions. Oh my, there's so much going on. Get the most out of your spring plans by stocking up on pre-alcohol now. Go to zbiotics.com slash gcp to get 15% off your first order when you use GCP at checkout.

Zbiotics is backed with a 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to zbiotics.com slash GCP and use code GCP at checkout for 15% off. Thank you Zbiotics for sponsoring this episode and our good times. So Mother's Day just wrapped up and this year I am way ahead of the game already on Father's Day. I'm out of the gate running because I know I'm going to get my dad a Henson shaving razor. I'm so psyched. At first, know I'm going to get my dad a Henson shaving razor. I'm so psyched.

At first, dad's going to be a little skeptical. I'm not surprised. Dad doesn't like change. I get it. He's a multi-blade razor guy. He has been for a long time, but I have got no doubt that once he tries Henson shaving, he'll be a convert just like I am. Henson shaving is a family owned aerospace parts manufacturer that saw a problem in the razor

market and has stepped in to fix it. They have designed an old-school style single blade razor that clamps the blade down to an extension of merely 0.0013 inches. That's less than the width of a human hair. 013 inches, that's less than the width of a human hair. This reduces the blade's wobble to nearly zero and results in less nicks and just flat out less irritation. So if this was a known problem, why didn't other razor brands just fix it? Because it's a manufacturing issue. Henson uses aerospace-grade CNC machines which allows them to get staggering precision in

the creation of the razor. Yeah, but dad's not gonna care about that. He doesn't care about fancy aerospace talk. I get it. I'll tell you what he does care about though. The bottom line. What's it gonna cost me? It's gonna blow his mind when I tell him that I use the GCP discount to get the razor and two years of replacement blades. That's a hundred blades in one shot. So for at least two years and probably more, he won't spend a dime on those expensive multi-blade cartridges. And then after that time is up, two years, however long it takes, three years, it'll cost him around five dollars a year for the rest of his life. And the way this razor is built, I have no doubt it'll last as

long as he does. I can't wait to give it to him and I'm so pumped that Henson sponsored the GCP so that I could get this sweet discount. If you don't have one of these already, get one and try it out for yourself. I promise you'll see why I'm so fired up about it. Visit hensonshaving.com slash GCP to pick the razor for you and use code GCP and you'll get two years worth of blades for free with your razor. Just make sure to add them to your cart. That's 100 blades when you head to h-e-n-s-o-n-s-h-a-v-i-n-g dot com slash GCP and use code GCP.

Folks, we're back! The air is coming out of my mouth to thank our sponsors, Norse Foundry. Didn't really help the players last week. No. No. Or any week for that matter. But only rolls above 17 for your old buddy Troy. Well, that's what I was going to say. I was going to be like, you know what, Norse Foundry?

You're the worst! But then I remembered you did all that damage with your Norse Foundry Troy die. You said it after the show. You were like, this die, it was just unbelievable. Like you were staggered by it. It was almost like it was divine to you. You were looking at it like it was otherworldly. And I was like, that's the Troy die, right?

And you were like, yeah. Ideally, it was well. I don't even have a full set. I only have the D20. But anyways, shout out to Norse Foundry. They mean well. They have best D20. But anyways, shout out to North Foundry. They mean well. They have best of intentions. They try so hard. Like you, I know they're rooting for us.

That's true. That actually is true. And then of course Demiplane and Foundry VTT. What are you doing? Follow the links below the video or in the liner notes of your podcast app and give them a purchase. Yeah. video or in the liner notes of your podcast app and give them a purchase. Yeah. Support them for supporting us. Right, and they'll continue to do so. Well, last week was a classic Pathfinder sesh.

It's just like a step above a random encounter where everyone almost dies. Yeah, I mean, from the jump. It was a classic like the deal. Just a bad encounter situation made worse by bad rolling. And a bad, and a comic impulse, as you pointed out right before the show. Yeah, I said, if we look back at this,

if Ramious goes down today, which is the most likely outcome, he I'll look back at the episode before last week, I'll look back at episode 33. And you'll just hear those words over and over again of me saying I said, like, I think it's ridiculous that brother Ramius is crossing these rocks first, but whatever, let's go. And I was brother Ramius was a little high. So I sort of justified it as that. But from a meta standpoint, it's like, Troy's like, you come to this river, let's go to the map. You go to the Foundry map.

It's like, why are you on a Foundry map? Yeah. For any other reason than to get your ass kicked. Like, that's what's about to happen. So I should have known and just meta been like, I'm going to stay back. And I said, and then Matthew agreed, that if Brother Amius was at the back of the line

None of this would have happened and Asta would have been where brother Ramies was she would have been first Yeah, he was behind you and you could have lit him up I could have just immediately Spell strike and as you guys went down I could just bring you up. I was not in harm's way I was you know far away and we had too much fun. We were having too much fun. We had just gotten done with like another brutal battle. So I just kind of assumed like, how bad could it be? Next stop is the gondolas.

Like next stop, gondolas. I thought the issue, I didn't think we would have like a creature. I thought it would be the river is somehow like... Slippery rocks or... Oh no, you mean like you thought like a supernatural thing. No, like a puzzle. Greetings friends.

Welcome to the blood river. I thought it was going to be slippery rocks hazard or like a puzzle of some sort. Like there's only one way to cross the river and you have to bring the wolf across with the feed bag. As you step on that rock, it crumbles. So you roll a reflex. Which is the path I was wrong yeah I mean the minute you put a map out there as a GM you know you know you're maybe

tipping your hand you know I try to like sprinkle in some maps that have no encounters just to keep you off your game but at the end of the day the myth the map goes out you can't help but met a game like all right where is it what's gonna? To your credit, I think you played it right without knowing the map. But yeah, I mean, it just, it sucks. It sucks where you are. Yeah, we suffered the map penalty. Yeah.

Bam. And there is the bottle cap. OK. The map penalty. Yeah! Man, finally, good puns back again. That was a good one. Earning the caps. It was truly the map penalty. Oh, it's a Yelka. Oh, nice. Oh, Yelka. Man, finally. Good puns back again. That was a good one. Earning the caps. It was truly the map penalty.

Oh, it's a Yelka. Oh, nice. Oh, Yelka. Yelka. Nice. Yeah, real, real shitty. And yet, you know, it just felt like you guys had it together there.

There was like, you know, you've said over and over again, like, going down, that's part of the game. That's part of Pathfinder 2. You go down, you come up. You go down, you come up. You're wounded. You're dip, dip, bop, dibu. You know, obviously, you dip, dip, bop, dibble.

Obviously without caps flowing generously, there's a lot more danger. But I really thought you guys had it in hand. The fact that this thing hasn't taken a ton of damage makes it all the more difficult. But with only one person that can do ranged healing, you can do it, but you have to be within a certain... It's a very specific circumstance I can use it in and the range is limited. And it's a limited amount of healing too.

Yeah. And as we said last week, the map itself is quite deadly. Yeah, the map is deadly. That's why it was, removing the sort of personal frustration from it. It's a really interesting encounter just with the hazard, with the sort of limitations on where you can go. Well, because it drives you, you want,

the rest of us all kind of felt this instinct, you want to get out of the water, right? So if it manages to split you onto either side of the river, you can't do much range-gealing. Which it did. Yeah, the split was brutal. And you know, I was thinking back to how I did it with like,

oh, you went unconscious on the rocks. And I like what we settled on. I like that you, like, oh, you went unconscious on the rocks. And I like what we settled on. I like that you, it's bad enough just being unconscious on the rocks, falling in and drowning, like all of you would have been dead. But I think the way it's written sort of assumes that you're going to get hit, some of you're going to get hit and knocked in and then you're fighting to get back into the fight. And if you can't swim well, you're just out of the combat. So that's like the worst that happens to you until you hit the bend in the river

where you go over the falls. Which is the very real consequence of the Chalitha right now. That's also comical that you're like, the book assumes that you would get hit and fall in potentially when we were getting one hit critted down to dying two. By the minions. By, oh yeah, the minion probably down one time. The minions were critting us, yeah. Yeah, you're already so low just cause I'm rolling

nothing below a 17 and double damage. It's crazy. It's nasty-wasty. Nasty-wasty. Nasty-wasty. I imagine you're laying there on this. Face down. Blood rock.

Crushed. Back is broken. Back is broken. Back is broken. Bones crushed. Bleeding out of ears and eyes. Didn't you say like multiple times, like, my ribs are broken. My back is broken.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for real, I went 17 points below zero. Jeez. Yeah. You're laying there in the water, this blood red water, which you know is from a rust deposit, but it really just looks like blood It may not have that viscosity of blood but it's rushing over you

Bubbling over your face and you're the lights going out you're coming back up lights are going out again And you're just you're feeling that if you ever had like a panic attack where you feel like you're gonna die As you're going to sleep. Do you ever have that? You're like you have that that panic attack really? Oh, I felt like I was're going to die as you're going to sleep. Do you ever have that? You're like, you have that that panic attack where you're like, oh, I felt like I was just about to die. That feeling. Thankfully, I haven't had one in a while, but it's a horrible feeling.

You're like, oh, the lights are going out. That's what's happening to you. You're seconds away from permanently dying. And as this water is rushing over, you hear everything that's like, oh, people screaming in the distance, screaming from pain, yelling to each other. As this water is rushing over you, you hear everything. People screaming in the distance, screaming from pain, yelling to each other. And we hear that water rushing and now you just hear sloshing water.

And we see a small well. We're looking from above into the well and you see water moving in the well. We pull back and we see that same well and there's like a beaten old wooden house, a small mule cart. It's like midday, but the cloud cover is so thick, it almost feels like twilight. The house itself seems to feed this darkness as it gives off an aura of hopelessness and melancholy.

It's a very sad looking house, and we recognize the place as Palm O's Bees Farm. And our eyes just slowly move towards this old farmhouse, like a Tarkovsky movie, just slowly moving in on this farmhouse. And then pitches up to the second floor as we float through a smudged, unkempt window into the room of Jiminy, Almosby's son.

And in this room we see three figures. There's Jiminy, his mother Moira, and brother Ramias of Latria. Feels like we're seeing something play out that we've seen before, but it's at a different angle. Maybe we're viewing it to the audience. Seems the same but different, and Brother Ramius is asking these questions, and Jiminy is answering them. We can see it's painful for Jiminy. He's nearly in tears. Remus is like...

And when did he most recently visit you? When Pa came back, he said they're all gonna die. That he's gonna kill them all. Jiminy's crying. That is not going to happen, Jiminy. Nothing is going to happen to your parents. I can show you why. Come. Come with me.

Loramia stands up and offers a hand to Jiminy, who takes it, and together they walk out of the farmhouse and begin to move over rolling hills near the cliffside where the house is perched. Moira stands on the porch watching them go, and the burdens that had clearly settled into her face over the recent months seem to fade away and she smiles as she watches the two of them disappear over a hill. Skies have cleared and a brilliant sun now blazes down on this monk and this boy and we can hear the sounds of waves crashing

against the cliffs below. A fine mist reaches up into the air and settles on their skin and clothes. Ah, isn't it refreshing. Where are we? We are about a half-day's hike west of Latria. This is the countryside where I grew up, Jiminy. Those are the western cliffs of the Shadow Isle. Where are we going? Oh, not far. Just past those two massive sycamores. You see them in the distance. Do you know

why they call it the Shadow Isle? No. Many hundreds of years ago, when the first explorers set out from Arvestan, and there are ships searching for Aslan or whatever other riches lie to the west, one ship came upon an ominous sight in the mist. The outline of jagged peaks and foreboding mountains. But they could not get an angle on it. No matter how much they sailed around the island, there seemed no clear path in.

All was covered in this mist. Those shadows, they had bravely punched through it at some point, risking crashing against the rocks. And when one ship was brave enough, they found it to be a rather beautiful place. But from the outside, all darkness, all shadows. Did any of them die? The sailors? Oh, yes. Many.

And Ramias and Jiminy just walk between these two sycamore trees which seem to stand oddly alone in this cliffside country. This one here was mine. And that one there, my brothers. Your brothers? Yes. Just keep walking down a gentle slope to the edge of the cliff and peer over the side. And here it is, Jiminy. This is where I wanted to take you. Jiminy looks over and kind of steps back a little. Why?

Well, I have wanted to return here for many years, Jiminy. This place holds a special place in my heart. It's a special significance for me. Without this cliff, without these waves, I may never have become an Avneithan monk. We see that the cliff is like maybe 30 feet high, waves occasionally crashing into the wall at its base and then draining back off to reveal like a rocky crag below. Brother Ramius kneels down maybe to be like of a similar height to Jiminy and places a hand on Jiminy's shoulder. Perhaps it's a cloud moving before the midday sun, but suddenly everything turns darker

very quickly and in the distance the rolling hills begin to be drained of their color. The great sycamore's vibrant only moments ago seemed to take on a pale, nearly colorless hue. Your real father, he told you that you were his heir, right? Yes. And you wish to be free of him. To be free of this slim man that haunts you. He looks out toward the ocean and if it was blue it's now just like a gray, a grayish color. A touch of gray. A touch of gray. It is a touch of gray.

Maybe some wind blows and ruffles his robes a little bit. And color seems to be drained from him as well. He looks ashen and drawn. And his eyes have so much weight to them, a sadness, a regret. He turns back to Jiminy and he's like, Remember when I told you that, though I didn't look it, that I was a soldier? That I fought devils and demons and dark things. Yes. Well, Jiminy,

a soldier must at times make very difficult decisions. And he shoves them off the cliff. It's just shocking how quickly the body drops. He's so small, so light, yet like a stone, it takes no more than an instant before his body just slams into the rocks below. And we see this boy wail in pain,

grabbing at his broken leg, but as we look It's not Jiminy It's brother Ramus and he's younger much younger Jiminy's age perhaps and the world around him not unlike the trees and the sky, is now devoid of color, though it looks like the cliffs of Latria.

This cannot be the Shadow Isle. It's very clearly night-hold. And the little boy Ramius looks up to the cliff from where he fell, but he did not fall, did he?. Did he? Was he pushed? The cliffs in their glossy blackness stand in contrast to the pale white grayness of the sky, and a figure rises into view over the edge of the cliff.

An unnaturally tall, slim silhouette looks down. Ramius looks at his broken body, then out to the waves. A naturally tall, slim silhouette looks down. Ramius looks at his broken body, then out to the waves. They're coming. They're crashing toward him. He looks up again and shouts to this motionless figure. Help me! Help me please! The figure just slowly recedes from the cliffside. No, no, no, no, please don't, no. Don't leave me alone. Just shrinks away until it's completely gone.

Though it may be a trick of the year, Ramius hears a deep, unsettling laughter, now mixing with the crashing sound of the impending waves. And Ramius turns to look at the sea and is instantly enveloped in a wave of inky black death. We come back to the blood red river for a very, very important death save. Now, you sent me this beautiful scene here,

and this is a scene that will earn you a bottle cap. Ah! However, it's up to you if you feel it would be right to use. Oh, that's some Catholic mom shit right there. Yeah. A moment like this. Oh boy. Now obviously the way our rules are written is if you're about to, if your dying condition

would increase, you can use a bottle cap to wipe away the dying condition. So maybe you won't even have to use it. Maybe you roll a 13 or higher. Maybe you won't even have to use it. Maybe you'll roll a 13 or higher. Maybe you won't. So you'll have to decide if your life is worth a bottle cap. If you'd rather just let the dice tell you. I'd rather you not touch it. Just give me the bottle cap.

I'm just gonna leave it between us. Right there. I wanna see it. I think it's a Dalgryph. Is it? Don't touch it. It's Dalgryph. The Deathbringer.

Oh. Oh, no. Things that are so well for him. Ah! It's like a tarot bottle cap. Yeah. It's a tarot bottle cap. It's like when you get the death card and tarot's like, oh, no.

It's like, no, it's actually a good thing. It's upside down, though. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's bad. That one's bad. Oh, man. So normally, I wouldn't do this. I don't want it to feel too plot armory,

but this was a great, maybe you were getting I mean, he certainly earned a bottle cap for that. Maybe. I thought he earned the bottle cap for being ridiculously high and charging across the river. That was funny too. Very, very funny. That was funny too.

As we walked downstairs after last week's session, I was like, I probably shouldn't have given you a bottle cap for that scene, but I Very, very strange. That was funny too. As we walked downstairs after last week's session, I was like, I probably shouldn't have given you a bottle cap for that scene, but I just, I forgot. I got a lot going on. I was like, I can't do it now. It'd be obvious. But you have the cap. Also just want to say for the record that you've had this scene for, like since we've

been in Kniepo's court. So I didn't write it to get out of the situation. I was going to ask. But I wrote it when I sent it to you. I said, this is for if he is dying, like if he has a dying condition. It's like cut to this because it was so goddamn dangerous in there. It was like at any point we could be going down. So I just wanted to be prepared with something that what he sees in his final moments is so dark and so terrifying on both ends. You know what I mean?

Well, and you've alluded to this before, this cliffside situation, this falling child. I mean, I can't help but not give you a bottle cap, but I want you to decide what you're going to do with it. It is your turn, it is round seven. This creature is, I mean, still very much up. Talitha is rushing towards the falls. Hubert is slowly making his way over to maybe try and help. Asta has just regained consciousness on the shore. No.

Oh no, you're, I keep thinking you're. I know. I just wanna think you go conscious. You would think after a time I do go conscious, but I don't yeah I think it does it's like it's like it's minimum 10 minutes. Yeah, but GM's description I always forget that but anyways your uncle I was picturing. I was like if there was a way that you guys Defeated this creature while I was out and if I happen to roll my way back up Or I'm sorry if if everybody died for example, and it just went away,

I was like, I could see a world in which you, for example, or if I rolled well enough to get back to zero, that this creature would just go away. Like, just, you know, leave, not necessarily... Unless they wanted to eat you. Maybe, but I don't think that that's why it's attacking. I don't really know. But anyway, if it wasn't, I was like, you could totally see it, like in a movie. Like, you wake up. Everyone's dead. Everybody's dead. It's hours later, you like pull yourself in here, so

hurt, crawling away. Yeah. Okay. Uh, I mean, yeah, I'm going to roll this death save. Here we go. 13 or higher, you move, it's not like you're out of the woods, like, ah, right, life's fine. Right, which is why, like, I was like, should I not use the cap, because it's cheesy and

I could just use it for the next character, but then I was like, ah, right, life's fine. Which is why I was like, should I not use the cap because it's cheesy and I could just use it for the next character, but then I was like, no, I'm absolutely going to use the cap if I fail this because I still think I could easily die. What if you get a natural one? Do you think you'd just like? Oh, that might be. You're like, you know what, I think.

Oh, the universe is at risk. That's the risk. Whoa. All right, so that sounds good to me. The Deathbringer has spoken. You cannot resist. Oh no, I like that, I like that because it's like... I'm just gonna put this proposition on the table.

That scene is also... I was like, okay. Here's a bottle of poison I found on the way I walk over. I love the risk. I love the risk. You gotta have stakes. I'm, I'm, I'm... So I know you're a gambler. He's a knife.

Why don't we say it's a joke? I'm a born gambler. Born gambler. And I do, I love that idea because also because of this scene, sitting there broken and alone and so terrified and so scared, imagine the waves just come in. There is a chance that just the horror of that alone

could permanently kill you while you were already dying. But let's see if he powers through and lives. Natural 20! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh I mean, yeah, dying one. I mean, all the iterations that I thought about what would happen here, what character I would make and everything, never once did I consider the possibility of a natural 20. It never entered my mind, why would you? I was like, I could succeed.

History, history. If you'd be a fool to anticipate it. I mean, this was my- Northfoundry! Roll your random number, jump, jump, jump, jump! Ah! Ah! Ah! It never dawned on me either. But like, I'm so glad, all I wanted was you to actually roll the save and not have to use the cap.

Me too. I didn't want you to have to use the cap. Wow. Oh! All right. Back into this terrible, awful, nest of- Frax knuckles.

And now, to leave this death scene. Yeah. Well, it goes to Asta, who's unconscious, and who's unconscious and then it was stable. I go like this That's my good round good round my three-hour well played well John how's giant snail things turn And bugles is all along turns. Yeah goals It will first section move to bugles. What about Hubert? word by Hubert second Don't worry about Hubert. Second action, it's going to do a pseudopod on Buggles.

That's a 27. Oh wow, that's a crit, I think. Is it? That's a crit. Juraise 17? Yep. That makes sense. Yep.

24 points. One glimmer of hope and then all dead. Why did we even think? This is exactly what I said last ep where I was just kind of like, it was literally just you about to die. Now suddenly, it is Buggles. Out of nowhere. We're just taking turns.

All right, so Buggles goes to dying two. Jesus, crow. Bles goes to dying two. Jesus, crow. Buggles is dying two. And then with its last action, it commands the little thing near Hubert to attack Hubert. It moves to Hubert and it attacks. Come on, and maybe Hubert could get to me next turn. It administer a Pochione. Oh, and it misses Hubert by one. Wow. to me next turn. Administer a potion. Oh, and it misses Hubert by one.

Wow. Misses Hubert's AC by one. Oh, so Hubert's third level. Oh my god. Yeah, Hubert. Hubert has one hand, one of his hands. Hubert has natural armor. Yeah, spiky.

All right, now it's Hubert's turn. Come on, Hubert. He can back tail it into the water. He can do it before. He can kiss brother Ramius and bring him back to life. All right, well here's what he's gonna do. Hubert's gonna roll a perception check, okay? Hubert rolls a perception check. You want to get into the weeds here? Rolls a 22. Pretty good perception to see because he doesn't have any healing influence. Is there anything on Asta or Ramius's body on their person that he sees?

This is why I asked about the fruit. Like, would we all have a piece of fruit on us? Would we have split it up? Would we have deviated up? Brother Ramius has a healing potion on him. A minor healing potion. I have an Elixir of Life on my belt. He looks down and he can't see Talitha with a 20. She's also like, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I and he can't see Talitha with a 20. He can't, she's also like, ah!

Ah! 50 feet downstream. Going to miss from the Talitha. I have an Elixir of Life minor and a Healing Potion minor. Okay. Okay. I wonder if they have any drinky-drews.

Drinky-drews. Oh, perhaps I could help. Not quite sure how it works. Yeah. Scrape my knee on that last jump. I feel real bad for him. I feel a little dehydrated out here in the jungle. I really shouldn't talk shit because he could be a savior here, but whatever, we'll see.

It's really got to be Zephyr. Zephyr has to put this creature down. That's the thing. Maybe an act like this would make them think of old Hubert as a hero. Let's see here if I can miss a big jump. Maybe an act like this would make them think of old Hubert as a hero See here fucking knows a big jump Here pardon me, sir. Just gonna try walk for a section leaps whoa epic leap Good thing it was only ten feet that made it doable

There's a single action there is for the Ramia say oh no, but he's in a weird sport Hmm if he's got any drinky-drews? I can't quite tell. Gonna have to actually roll here now to make this leap. Oh boy. Oh boy. Come on now. Oh, what? He'll be fine.

Well, the way he rolls. That's the worst that could happen. He's gonna leap over the rock. Yeah, fall into the river and die. I got a decent athletics. Let's see here. All into the river and die. I got a decent athletics, let's see here. All right, Mama Hedge, I'm coming out! Oh!

Natural 17. Oh my god, just die! Can't be stopped. Actually kind of ridiculous. All right, so he's just like, oh, I know. Second action, he's got one action left, and he will pull the potion off of your amazing Okay, all right, Hubert. He brings it near as

And now it's I wonder how he tastes Buggles will now move in the order behind giant snail thing And it is Zephyr's my turn again turn Zephyr is Besides to letha the only conscious. Oh my god With the whiplash of everything that happened what I was originally planning on doing Was like double moving towards Talitha to assist her if she makes it closer to shore. Say it, Bugles! But like it's not guaranteed that you're going to swim closer to the shore, because you have a negative one to swim. Yes.

Buggles just went down. I don't think she can leave Buggles, so from here, I'm gonna try to flurry of blows. Okay. And then we'll go from there. Okay. Okay. Let's see if I hit first. Yep. Good start.

Good start. Good start. So she hesitates, she was about to run away, she sees Buggles go down, she's like, no, no, let me try one more time action Kate definitely This is a real round 16 on the first one oh Nothing, but a 21 hits. That's right. This is easier or more well 22 or 23 give an arrow that can trip them So wow still bring it up trip can't get not bring You have an arrow that can trip him? Stop. Wow, still bringing up Tripp.

Can't, can't not bring up. Okay. Oh, that one hits. 21. Okay. Wow. Yes. Nice. Nice. Roll Max Demagio. No. It's a 20. The national 17 by the way. The national 17, by the way. The national 17.

Literally no one cares if you lie. Just. And that's coming from Joe. I just want everyone to know, I'm not just rolling crap. I rolled pretty good last episode too, but it's always on like the second or third hit. Yeah. So yeah, she didn't hit that. But it's always on like the second or third hit. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, she didn't hit that.

First action, Flurry of Blows. You're still in your monastic archer stance. If I were to run up to Buggles, like, what am I doing? You're 25 feet away from me. Dragging him away. Well, I mean, you're not trained in medicine. The problem is, like, then you're leaving yourself as a target at all.

I know. It's not trained in medicine. The problem is, like, then you're leaving yourself as a target. I know. Um, it's going, it's probably its next move. As, as you've seen, it keeps attacking people. And then once they go down, it moves. It's like, all right, well, that dinners, let's get as much food as I can. Um, all right. Self-preserve. I'm going to double move down to Tulitha to try to help her.

If she comes up, I'm not hitting this thing. Well, I'm gonna roll a massive 20 and hit it. What is your movement? 25 feet. All right, so you can move a total of 50 feet. And last Epi said she was like 50 feet away, like downstream. I actually have it on the map, I just can't see.

So I can move you 30 there and then... Describe it epically, narratively. Yeah. She runs down. She saw Buggles go down. I'm talking the truth. And ran the other way.

And ran away. Can you see Talitha now? Yes, I can actually. All right, so I moved her exactly 50 feet and now Talitha is on the shore 15 feet away from Talitha. But if Talitha doesn't make these swims, she's just gonna go further and further. But you are with 50 feet, you got pretty damn close.

Do I have like rope in my adventures pack? Probably do. I would assume you have. Noted. Do you, say it. That's not a question for the GM. I think as she's running she's like. Character sheet? Yep, 50 feet of rope is included. I think as for the running she's like character sheet. Yep, I think the feet of rope is included

I think as she's running she's like patting herself down. She's like, where's my back? Where's the rope? Is there a rope? So she's looking for rope looking on her person. Okay, Rob, okay We go to the top of round eight And it is to leave this day We go. Okay, please don't float further away. Swim. Come on. First action. Natural two.

Oh! All right, so you're now move 10 feet further. Oh my god. It won't even let me put you 10 feet further, so I'm just gonna put you diagonally. You're being pulled towards the falls. So I'm gonna say that's where the bend in the river is. Okay. You're being pulled

directly towards the falls. All right, another swim. Seven. Changing dice. Do you want one of mine? Nah, I got more. Okay. How many rolls are you from over the edge? I mean, I can see where the bend is.

Okay, so you still got another round. Being pulled along. It's like 50 feet away. 50? Well, I mean, I don't know where the falls are. Has the crow flies. Okay, round and a half. Okay.

Oh. Okay, 12. I don't think, yeah. Do we determine the DC? Is it 15? We don't, but I know that 12 fails. Oh, we do know that. Yeah.

Okay. All right, so you went from 15 feet away to 45. You have 50 feet of room, baby. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Tied to an arrow. Tied to an arrow and just like, try to shoot her. I'll miss.

Shoot her. I'll miss. Yeah, shoot her. You don't have to worry about her hitting you. Aim for my heart, you'll miss. Not a danger at all. I mean, this game center mask. You'll put it right next to him.

All right. Now, Ghost, Brother Ramus, you're still dying dying still dying. I'm up. It's your turn Yeah, dude. This is huge man on an 11. He's stable not not huge. It's not not huge Come on 11 or higher Joe die Come on, buddy. Come on that out of the John not counting it Joe die No, no Come on, buddy. Come on. Out of the jaw, not counting it. Joe die. No. No. No. No.

Natural one! No! No! Why did you just take it away? Every moment of happiness. So you're back to dying three. When you rolled natural 20, I was like, my mind thought, oh my god, if he rolls a natural one.

Oh my god. I never. I hate it. You're the best. Oh god. God damn believable. I can't take this emotional pressure. Those of you who thought you were turning into an episode

where things would change. That's just unbelievable. It's more the same than ever. You know what I like to imagine? That maybe when Hubert came over, he like, accidentally stepped on Brother Ramius a little bit, like, in a wound. He took one point of damage and dropped him. God. Oh my god, so... You're back to Dying 3.

And you're not gonna use the cap No, well, he's the put yeah, he's got the potion. Okay. Oh, yeah, I've got the potion Yeah, oh, well Hubert's got you but it's gonna pour it in your mouth. Yeah, it's gonna leave in the lab to old Hubert All right, so oh you pulled me out of unconscious. That's I didn't mean to all right, so you're dying three Astounding goes to Asta, still unconscious. Am I no longer sickened? I think it's been close enough to five rounds. Okay, I'm just gonna take it off now. I'm just getting ready to wake up.

I'm so excited. You're unconscious and just in a pile of your own vomit. Yep. And now it goes to Bugle's death save. Oh, this is a perma death save. It is, but he did get a cap. Oh, right, right, right, he's got a cap. Oh, okay.

And he's dying too, right? You're dying too. If he fumbles, that's a fumble. Oh, okay. For a journal, yeah. But he's got a cap. Look at that smile. Roll the dice?

He's got- This game's about rolling dice, not about spending caps. What? That's 14. 14. All right, so you got a dying one Okay The old dying one wouldn't be amazing if we all if we all died or got swept away by the river I mean, it says it started in your part Somewhere else next episode starts with all of your bodies mangled on the falls

My god, and it's like another party finds it. Of adventures. What happened here? Trust me, my wheels are already turning. Why do they have all this fruit? First we're in... What is all this fruit? Why are they each carrying fruit?

It seems like they haven't divvied them up properly. It seems like whenever they want a fruit, they just seem to have the fruit on their fruit. Why didn't they just eat the fruit if they were dying? I still think we're on Castor Bell, so anyone who finds this is gonna be, you know whole planet away from anyone knows us. It is the giant snail things turn it is still very much up One two three unconscious party members and one about to be swept over the falls We back right after this quick So you've heard the word lumen a few times now and I know what you're thinking, I don't know what that is and now I'm too scared to ask.

No worries, I got you. Lumen is the world's first handheld metabolic coach. It's a device that measures your metabolism through your breath and then it has an app that lets you know if you're burning fat or carbs and it gives you tailored guidance to improve your nutrition, your workouts, your sleep, and even your stress management. All you have to do is breathe into your lumen first thing in the morning, and then you know where your metabolism is at, if you're burning fat, if you're burning carbs, and then lumen gives you this fully personalized nutrition plan for that day based on those measurements. Personally, I struggle with taking the first few steps

or setting goals for myself. I can see the big picture and I know what I want, but I get really discouraged very easily. Lumen makes it so simple to make nutritional goals for yourself and then follow through on them. You know, I wake up, I breathe into my lumen, I know where my metabolism's at for that day, and then based on those measurements,

it tells me all these meals that I could have or these workouts that I could do, or it's like, hey, you know, you haven't been sleeping well. Here's some steps you can take to improve that. And I'm like, thank you, Lumen, for making it so simple. You know, it just tells me. I'm like, that's what I need. I need somebody to just look at me in the eyes and say,

hey, you don't have to eat a salad for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That's actually not good for you. You actually need protein. I'm like, oh, duh, thanks Lumen. So if you're like me and you need help taking those next steps to improving your health, go to lumen.me and use GCP to get $100 off your Lumen.

That is L-U-M-E-N dot M-E and use GCP at checkout for $100 off. Thank you Lumen for sponsoring this episode. For those of you who are in New York like I am, you probably remember a day not too long ago where a conflux of meteorological events, phenomena, et cetera, caused there to be a truly, truly horrible air quality day here in New York. I mean, you looked outside, it looked like Blade Runner 2049. It was, it was, it was, it was truly stunning. I had never, I've seen a lot of things in New York, but I hadn't seen that before. The air was yellow, it was, it was a thing. And after that, I really, you know,

I've got a young job. We really started to think about the air quality in our apartment, which led me down a road that leads now to NeopX. NeopX is the world's first plant microbiome system bioengineered to purify the air in your home. Indoor air can be up to five times more polluted than outdoors, mainly due to harmful pollutants called VOCs or volatile organic compounds.

They're constantly emitted indoors from thousands of common household products like furniture, paint, cosmetics, and more. NeopX was invented by PhD scientists to target three of the most harmful VOCs found in your home and is up to 30 times better than a regular houseplant at fighting indoor air pollution. It's based on five years of research and development to enable NeopX to capture and recycle VOCs into useful matter like sugar and amino acids. Every month, you pour the bioengineered formula called power drops into the plant's soil to supercharge NeopX's air pollution capacity. NeopX comes with a self-watering planter called the shell, so you only have to water it every two to three weeks. So after the aforementioned air quality event,

we ended up just buying air purifiers, spending all kinds of money on getting an air purifier in every room and they at this point probably make up a fair share of my electricity bill. And with NeopX, I can get clean air with just some sun and water and also I love plants and it looks great. When you purchase NeopX,

you will receive six power drop sachets. To celebrate the launch, Neoplanets is offering a seventh sachet free of charge. That's one extra month of pure air free. Go to neoplanets.com slash GCN and the code will be applied automatically at checkout. Shipping available within the US and soon to many more countries.

This is insanity. This is insanity. This is insanity. It's middle of round eight. This creature has wreaked havoc. I mean, I was reading people's accounts of this encounter and dying happens a lot. You know, they might be playing it differently with me in terms of how people are falling into the water, but I think it's just as deadly, if not more so. You fall into the water when you're unconscious, you're going to die, like Skid said last week

in terms of the drowning rules. And then you've got the rapids. I think it's a little extreme, the kind of punishment for falling into the water unconscious. It's a little excessive. Certainly it's not good for your health, but it's like almost instantaneous death.

Yeah, and also the way it's written is two saves. The way that it's written, they don't seem to account for falling into the water unconscious. The way it's written, it flows from being underwater for like 17 rounds, running out of breath, then it's like, then you go unconscious, then one round later you die. The rule doesn't say, if you fall into the water unconscious, you die if you don't make this first save. Right, that's why I was like if you're going unconscious sure you could do an acrobatics check to see if as your the lights are going out you

slip or fall or not but then now let's stretch it further you make a reflex save to grab on but then you're unconscious you let go like it's this to me there's no point so having you fall on the rock as you can see is arguably more deadly so it's the snail's turn. Buggles is still unconscious and dying. Zephyr is the last viable target, and so it is going to move towards Zephyr. However, Zephyr is pretty far away. And it is slow, but it can swim.

And so, swim it does. Oh no, it's coming down here! It gets all the way to the edge. Oh my gosh. My god, I just want, I kinda want you to just go over the edge. Just like, aragorn that shit. And then we find Talitha's fine. A little while later, splash down the bottom.

Can Talitha and the snail Professor Moriarty and we go over the falls and you never know what happens. You want to have fun? So let's have some fun. I could drive it away. It's time to let go. It's Hubert Hedge's turn. Remember old Hubert Hedge? My man, hots and pants. This is his save the cat moment.

Yes, it is. Oh. Well, what do I do with this? Where is it? Oh, dear. OK. What is this thing here? It's a bee.

Come on, look. I can see through it and everything looks bigger. Isn't that funny? Oh. Oh. Smells good. Smells like Susan. It smells like Susan. Isn't that funny? Oh. Smells good. Smells like Susan. Smells like Susan.

Isn't she a rock? Can I bottle that new perfume for her birthday? Buy her a healing potion. Mylax and whatnot. Takes a little sip. Ooh. Tingles on the upper lip. Now how does this work?

Do I port into his belly button? I know. Starts pulling up my robes. Oh, look at that. he's an outie. It's canon now. Outie, someone cut you wrong. Quite sure here, do I just rub it on your nose? And he administers the potion.

Yeah, all right. Okay, he wrote. I love the fat life of him having this moment with this rampaging giant slug filling us all in the background It's like whoo, that's cool Just amazing So what is the the 1d8 1d8? Alright, so you're right. We're all get ready for one important five

Hey, doesn't matter how many hit points we have against this monster, because even if Troy doesn't crit, he's gonna take us down. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. All right, so. And dying, or a wounded one. Wounded one, yep.

You are wounded, but you are conscious, and you are still prone. Good boy. Asta is unconscious and prone, and our good friend Bugles is unconscious, dying and prone. That was only one action for Hubert. Yeah. Oh, he already had it in his hand. Brother Ramus, welcome back to our world Hey listen, thank you Hubert

Beware the others and he's scanning around I think in an instant he sees Asta. He's like, oh everyone else is dead I think in an instant he sees Asta. He's like, oh, everyone else is dead. Except Zephyr. Brother Zephyr's over there. She's got a rope in her hand, not quite sure. Actually, there'll be an action to take that rope out of her pack. Doesn't have a rope in her hand. Think she's going for a rope. Heard her mention rope as she was going down there.

Asta's dead, though. Boggles. No. Deceased, yeah. Talitha's going over the wall to fall down there. You see it? Anyway. I'll turn and look. Just flailing in the water.

I have two actions left, and I don't know what to do. What should I do? Should I just push brother Asta's body into the water? Maybe distract the snare. You said you have a potion on you, right? Use it as bait? Yeah, I got two different ones. No, look. Look, she has a potion on her belt.? Use it as bait? I got two different ones. No, look.

Look, she has a potion on her belt. Grab it just like you did for me. Grab it and administer it to her. Go! Hurry! She may only have seconds left. All right, don't yell. Um, he leaps over to the shore.

You stupid bastard! Hurry! Oh, hello, Brother Asta. As he leaps, he accidentally kicks her katana into the water. Splash. Oh! It would sink. It's heavyaps he accidentally kicks her katana into the water. Splash! Oh! It would sink, it's heavy. Is it a floating katana?

No. Right into the runny drips. Is it a stupid thing to bring to the river? I thought we could like, forge the river with it if we all float on it. What do you have on your person right now? There's an Elixir of Life Miner and there's a healing potion. I would ask him to take the healing potion because it's 1d8. And what else is on your person right now? There's an Elixir of Life miner, and there's a healing potion. I would ask him to take the healing potion, because it's 1d8.

And what else is on your body? There's a smoke ball lesser, there's rope, there's a crowbar, there's a brass ear, there's a runestone, there's a scimitar, there's the adventurer's pack. All right, so we go through this whole rigmarole and be like, this one here! It's the scimitar.

Put this in your mouth! No, not about this! The smoke bomb. No, the red, the potion, it looks exactly like mine set the keys No, all right. Um I'll use This one crumbs in there to a lot of like cookie crumbs third action he retrieves the potion. That's all he can do It is now Zephyr's turn again I think you're the only one unexcited to go.

Well, it happened so fast. I hope it's my turn. It happened so fast. Well, I hope that more happens in between my turns so that it can change what I can do. All right, so I'm watching you measure about 45 feet away from where I am to the shore to where Chalitha is.

I don't see the slug in my view, but I'm assuming it's like right at the line of where the map is. It is about 20 feet away from you. Yeah, it'll be on you next round. So, if I were to attach a rope to an arrow and shoot it at Talitha, how would that help her? Well, let's try and make this as realistic as possible

with the action economy you have. So first action, retrieve the rope. Do you think the rope has a grappling hook attached to it, generally? No, grappling hooks is a separate item. I mean, we could say this one has a... The standard adventurer's pack, I think it does come with a grappling hook. That's why I ask. I remember in like 1e, it often did.

I always imagine it by characters. Let's look up the advent aspect. Ah, all right. Let's assume that it does for now. So you would have to take it and do a ranged attack. But you're aiming for a square, which if it's like Pathfinder 1e, it's AC5. Right. So you're really only a critical failure.

What there's range to think about. Yeah, it's probably like the range, probably has a 10 foot range increment of accuracy. Then you start taking penalties. Yeah, it's probably like the range, it's probably a 10 foot range increment of accuracy. Then you start taking penalties. Yeah, so still a pretty, if you're just aiming for like the space next to her, AC does not have a grappling hook. Okay, all right, so you just gotta get the rope out there.

Backpack, bedroll, 10 pieces of chalk, flint and steel, 50 feet of rope, two weeks rations, soap, five torches and a water skimp. I'm also technically still in my monastic archer stance, so I kind of need to use my bow. That's the wisest thing. I think so too. I do.

She can hit that target. Rope requires two hands. Talitha, let's be honest, could be easily replaced. A2 skimp? No, I'm sorry. A2 skimp? Yeah, I'm not seeing what the range increments are for the rope, so we'll think about this. But, all right, so let's say you want to, first thing you retrieve it.

Take out the rope. Second action, tie it to an arrow. Third action, fire. Basically, yeah, that's what I want to do. All right, here's what I'm going to say. What is your range on your bow? Um, so... If you were trying to hit a space right next to her as close as possible, so 40 feet away.

Yeah, so I'm in my monastic archer stance, it needs to be within 30 to 50 feet. So it's 40 feet, that's perfect. Okay, so pretty much just don't roll a natural one, and you should be able to shoot an arrow up. Sorry, dude. Right next to Talitha. Thanks for this. Pretty much just a roll a natural one and you should be able to shoot an arrow right next to Talitha. Thanks for this. Which dice do you want me to roll? Can't roll a natural one.

I think Matthew should roll this. She's shooting her bow. That's no fun. I think, alright come on. It's a plus eight. Yeah, just not a natural one. No, no. Yeah. No, now you're not. Twenty-six.

Oh! I thought you rolled. I couldn't read that face. She's unreadable. I'm inscrutable. That's more than enough the wow. What an epic moment. Plop in the water.

Right next to the lake. Ah, ah, ah. Like, maybe you see her getting ready to shoot an arrow at you and you're just like, Just an epic moment. Plop in the water. Right next to the leaf. Ah, ah, ah. Yeah. Like maybe you see her getting ready to shoot an arrow at you and you're just like, no, no, no. How do we know? How are you doing?

And she shoots it well when she's not trying to shoot an enemy. Treachery. Treachery. River treachery. River treachery. Goes to the top around nine, Talitha, a rope landed just next to you.

Splunk. I grab the rope and start climbing, or pulling. How do you want to is this I'm gonna say you can just feed I'm gonna say that what's the rope attached to Zephyr me yeah in the in the fantasy of this I imagine you shot it and then grabbed it or tied it to yourself before you shot it you could be like you could be standing on the end of it yeah yeah there's a number of different ways, however you want to fantasize it. But I'm going to say for the sake of moving things along that you can go 30 feet.

Reaction 30 feet. Reaction, get 30 feet closer. You're pulling yourself against the current. Water splashing up into your mouth. Take some in, swallow it. Just start drowning. This slug is also approaching us. We're trying to, against the clock, pull you in. Yeah I mean this is this is gonna be interesting here

it's brother Ramias's turn he's back and they're still so I mean Zephyr is holding the rope with Talitha in the water if this slug isn't somehow subdued it's gonna come down hit you if Zephyr goes unconscious she releases the rope and Talitha then has to make a swim check to either make it to shore or be swept away with them I'm ten feet from shore Brother Ramias is in another part of the campaign For real man. I can't ever I can't see anything but Zephyr. Yeah. Oh my god.

It's just an impossible god damn situation. Every turn matters. And you're wounded. Yeah, I can't help but gulz. Draw the attention to this thing over, it comes over and kills you. Sure, I'm fine with that. I have no means of drawing its attention. It is ten feet out of range.

Just ten god goddamn feet! Wait, the snail? Yeah. 10 feet of out of range of what? Snail's 70 feet away. Of a range of my ranged attack. Oh, hell bugles. There's nothing I can do for him this turn.

He's too far away. Just stand up. But I will start to, God, and these little shits are all over the rocks. He needs to command them. That's true, he needs to command them. You can get around them. Brother Remus, watch out for the ruddy drips.

They're everywhere. Yeah, I mean, these things, but if he commands one of them, I mean, I will go down immediately, like instantly. They're perfectly placed too. Yeah, so there's no way to get to Buggles. Well there is. You can go up, up. Yeah, you can leap.

Leap, action. Leap, leap. It's tricky. I mean, that's a 20 foot leap. That's not possible. Yeah, 10 is free. You'd have to roll for it. Yeah, but it's just not.

Like you know, Brother Ray Manly just has no acrobatics. It's tricking! Uh, I also didn't want to waste the entire turn. Um, so, I've got these little shits. Alright, uh, alright, here's what I'm gonna do then. I will, uh, I have to stand up as an action. Yep. And get my feet on this slippery rock then I will leap

As an ah ha ha oh ten feet is free. Yeah, the way we're playing it is ten feet is free ten feet is free It just takes an action. Oh well the edge of this rock is ten feet away, so and I yeah left there for alright So I will leap I will leap to the next rock God if your speed if anyone has a speed of 30 you can leap 15 feet I will leap to the next rock. If anyone has a speed of 30, you can leap 15 feet. From a standing start? Yeah, you land in the space where your leap ends. You can't make a horizontal leap if your speed is less than 15.

Yeah, it's just a straight, horizontal, or vertical jump. Anything greater than that requires the athletic skill. Oh, all right. I'm going to stay there, I think, for the moment. Just checking my range to Buggles. Oh my god, this is brutal. I'm going to stay there for the moment. I can't figure it out.

Wait, let me check my range to him. I don't think it's any better. Right, 65 feet.. I'm five feet closer But still just five feet out of range knock one of the pseudopods on Don't waste the action I can't because It's two actions I had to get up. You have a cantrip. There's one point of damage two actions They're all two actions, cantrip?

They're all two actions. You know, with some exceptions. So um, man. I'm going to... You lost him? I can't. I don't have the action economy. But she'll be up in a second.

You got one action. Yeah, I'm going to... I'll do a recall knowledge on the creature. Good idea if I can pull something that could help us here. Okay, uh, arcana or nature? Uh, nature. Okay, what's your jump? Uh, plus eight.

Fudge. Yeah, it's really, it's meant to be hard. You're like, what the fuck? It's an alien. I've never read about this shit. Never heard of anything like this? Yup. Okay. Okay, goes to Asta, some unconscious, and then Bugles, death save.

Okay. That's a fail. So back to dying two? Back to dying two. Okay. Okay. Boink. Dying two for Bugles.

This is a puzzle. It turned out to be a puzzle. Now it goes to four buckles. This is a puzzle is it turned out to be a puzzle now it goes to giant snail thing Giant snail thing will move She's holding the content, bro You just give me one second snail one second. second! She asks the snail, free action. Wait, I'm gonna throw some magic. Snail. Yeah.

Delay. Snail delay? Maybe it wants to see what I'm doing. I mean, this is crazy, cause like- Moves like a snail. You going down- Snail like pace. Means that Talitha can't free get up there. Talitha then will have to roll.

Which she's been doing so well at. While the weight of the rope increases. Here's what's up Kate. Listen. I gotta be able to do it if I can take it all the time. Right, that's how it goes? It's so crazy because one successful roll and you'll be safe if she goes down.

We're assuming she goes down, maybe not. But one fail and you're just, you're back. You're back. But maybe you can enact your original plan, which is go over the falls with this thing. Because this thing could very well kill everyone. Yeah. And it's going to suit up on Smash's effort.

We'll see about that. How about you roll a hit first? Here it comes. Here it comes. I haven't rolled low in a while. Norse Foundry. It's not about to start now. That is a 26 to hit. Regular hit.

Regular hit. Oh no, you're low, you have to be low. I don't know what you're sitting at for hit points. That's close to max 15 points of bludgeoning. I'm still up. Oh! So you just, she's like looking at the snail come in, she's like, no, and you like smack her with your tentacle.

Pseudo-John. Pseudo-John? Pseudo-John. She just takes it. Pseudo-Prod. She just takes it and continues to hold onto the rope. That's fucking it. That's action Kate.

That is a warrior. That's action Kate. I think this is what I'm good at. Whatever this is. Yeah. Holding this rope. This free action. All right, so free action Kate. It's got one more free action Kate.

Free action Kate. That's if she goes free. If she ever goes free. I don't know what it means, but I like when people chant my name. Stop attacking her. Free action Kate. Last action. Suffered enough.

Two to pod with the map. I don't know what your AC is. I forgot it. I don't want to know. Where's Foundry? OK, well, I think if anyone that's going to be a 20, anyone this is going to miss, it's you. What did you roll?

A 20 total. Are you sure that's what you rolled? I rolled a dirty 20. My AC is 20. You used it once again. So bitch. That's a hit. And it is for 14 points of bludgeoning damage.

Not up anymore. Oh God. It wasn't a crit though. Wasn't a crit. though. It wasn't a crit. The TPK is unfolding. She goes to dying ones. Is there any way? The rope just-

I had a little bit of luck, but I can't use it. ...fall into the water. No way. The lethal you're just like, here's the rope. You see her like take the first, and then the second one. Nope. Can't take it. Does she land on the rope?

So that her body is weighing it down? I think I do. I was just gonna say wait. I don't know, she's pretty strong. Why don't you do a reflex save to grab the rope? Yeah, grab the rope while you're telling her to come. I mean, if she's holding it, then she falls over. She might land right on the rope, seems like a luck check.

It might be just enough weight, so. It seems like a luck check to me. A guy comes up next to you. Talitha biting it today. It is Hubert Hedge's turn. Oh, look at this. Oh my god. What do I do with this? You just did it. Another 10 minutes.

You just did it. You're like, I just did this. Tarnation, do I do with this? And he pours it in her mouth. Oh, sorry. Pours it in your mouth. So do with this and he pours it in her mouth. Oh, sorry. I pours it in your mouth. So done with this. He says, hello, good morning.

Hubert? Yes. No, no, no, why am I doing it? I said, I'm doing your accent. Hubert? I'm really fucked up. I gave you the drink, you drew. Hubert, if you're here, that means everyone has to be dead

because why would you be here helping me? And he looks at you with all seriousness and drink, you drew. Hubert, if you're here, that means everyone has to be dead because why would you be here helping me? And he looks at you with all seriousness and says, they are. Who? Yes. Such an ass. Well, the Ramius is still alive, but everyone else did. She looks around on the beach,

but can't see anything from her position because everyone is off the map. No one's even on the map anymore. I can't see anybody. Cradles your face in his hands. We shall start a new life together. Oh my god. Smack his paws.

Oh! Sorry. Get yourself together, Hubert! Didn't mean in a romantic way. Wanted to leave the door open, but uh. All right, point. We have to get out of here. We have to get out of here.

We have to get out of here. I'll flirt with somebody else. All right, well I got a couple actions left. Anything else on your person I can pour on ya? No. All right, well I got a couple actions left anything else on your person I can pour on ya No, all right Go It's a bad time. Do you know where the Lou is? Feel like I got a pee everywhere. All right, I'm gonna just River!

Oh, I want to go see what's going on over here and how do you? And he jumps over here and back onto the river and then Moves a little bit and that's it. Huber, where's my katana? Oh, it's right there in the water. Oh, there it goes.

Oh, there it goes. Hit it on my leap. And Zephyr now moves right before giant snail thing. Guess it's time for the first round 10 in a while. Yeah, been a minute. Talitha. Quite literally. This is it. Yeah. This... Is it. Okay. All right. This is it.

Make no mistake. You got this. This is it. Natural 17. Oh! She did it! It was worth it. She did it. But now you're next to the snail. Yeah, you climb right up on shore You're right next to Zephyr who is out and you have two actions left. Just run pick Zephyr up. No crossbow You know this thing can move it not fast, but it can catch up with you We could just go over land. Have we seen it move on land? We haven't really. You saw it go up over the rocks. Yeah. Don't forget it has a million little legs.

Don't worry. Don't worry, Zephyr. I can get you away from this and shove you in the water. Oh. I might as well cat fall. Maybe I can survive the waterfall. Bye, Zephyr. Zephyr's fine.

Viking funeral. Yeah, actually, Talitha's going to run. It's the smartest thing to do at the moment. Let's get away from this goddamn thing. So I will try to run back towards, towards Buggles. Okay. Or go deeper inland, at an angle, up toward Buggles, farther inland.

Just make it commit to either you or us, you know what I mean? Actually, you know what? It's gonna come after me no matter what. I know, but don't lure it to Buggles. Yeah. If he comes back up, he could just go right back down again.

Also, if you use two move actions, most likely it has to use two move actions. At least it won't get two swings on you in a round. I could stay prone, pull out my healing potion and feed it to Zephyr. But then you're both- You have two actions right now. Yeah.

Oh, you're saying you're next to her right now? Yeah. All right. Then you'll both go down next round. Yeah, you're saying you're next to her right now? Yeah. All right. Then you'll both go down next round. Yeah, that's my good turn. One hit, pow, two hit, pow. She's already down. So no matter what direction I go, it can catch up to me.

Yeah. I'll go right before the thing goes. But if you use two actions, oh, you're prone. All right. So we're both gonna be down. So assuming it goes back up after you, you guys have some time to chew on it for a while. But just trying to get it so we can keep the most people up.

I jump back in the water with the rope. I have a plan. There's not a lot. Oh. So it's either double move back towards the party single more I stand up oh you have to stand up stand up single move comes in here So you go right back to dying one maybe two maybe two probably two because I'm wounded Crawl to it and get one attack off. I have to draw a weapon call to it punch it in the nail nuts

still the worst products introduced Call to it and punch it in the snail nuts. Um... Snail... Sort of the worst products introduced yesterday. Snail nuts were so bad. I don't want snail nuts. Hate of them. Mom, are we out of snail nuts again? But if I feed it, if I get Zephyr the potion... Two of us are up.

More likely that one of us will be up. No, because it has two attacks. Well, Zephyr goes before it. I'll go before the thing. So she could get up and run away. Yep. Alright. So I will stay on the ground. Okay. And I will pull out a Elixir of Life Lesser

and feed it to Zephyr. Okay. That's 3d6 plus 6. Wow. Zephyr will lose the dying condition, but will gain the wounded condition and we'll remain prone. Okay. Nice, I can see from here how good that is.

16 points of, 22 points of healing. Whoa. It's amazing potion. Wow. What a great potion. So yeah, you give her the potion, she comes right back, she's like, oh God. Run, run, run.

Okay, okay. Don't forget, you are not holding your bow. Yeah, you run without the bow. Leave the bow, ba-da-bop-da-beep. Something to think about. Leave the bow. Take the canola. I'll leave the canola.

It's Brother Ramius's turn. I mean, I have no idea how this fight's going to end. Absolutely no idea. All right, so, I think this might work out here. So Brother Ramius is just going to, uh, come to, well these rocks are ten feet apart, so he, that's what I wanted to do. He wants to leap to this rock. Alright, right to the middle, the one that has one of these little leavers.

And then leap to this rock, so I wanted to make sure that I didn't end on the turn with those things. Right. So he leaps past it. Oh, but that's two fucking actions! Whoop! That's why I couldn't do it before. Damn it.

Alright, little by little. And then he will... Hmm. I mean, it seems better than staying next to that thing, which could hit you and just take you down. Yeah, I agree. Just trying to play the long game here. And he will do a third leap toward the shore.

Okay. You are about 10 feet away from Buggles. You just boop, boop, boop. Two, three diagonal leaps. Yeah. One, two, three. You're now exactly 10 feet away from Buggles. He's just rushing to get to Buggles. Buggles, hold out! I've got you! All right, Asta, it is your full turn. You are prone and your weapon is beside you. Free action.

I mean, I yelled to Brother Ramious. What do we do? What do we do? He turns back around to you and just gonna say stay there stay on that side Stay alive. Let's focus. I will find you. I will find you Okay, so if it comes back up here you hit it from there We'll hit it from here the issue also is like Asa does so well in melee when she can spell strike and her distance for her ranged spells is just not that much.

Most of them are 30 feet, one is 60 feet. Yeah, Slashing Gust. Yeah. You're just Slashing Gust all day. So I gotta wait until it comes back. Yeah. So she's gonna- But you still need to stand up,

you still need to get your katana anyway. She's gonna scoop her katana from this red, muddy sediment. Or, or just take your other potion right now. She's going to scoop her, oh, because you have to take out the potion. And then drink it, that's two actions. Can we say that Hubert, since he pulled everything out of my backpack and belt,

that the potion is on the ground next to me and I can just drink it as an action? It wouldn't matter. You still have to grab it. You still have to grab it. You still have to interact. The only way is if you put it in your hand. Did he?

Of course he did. That's interesting. I think he did a lot. Okay, but I don't have to take it out then drink it as two actions. Yes, you do. Is it on the ground is what I'm asking. It doesn't matter if it's on the ground.

If it was on the table, you need to grab it from the table. It's on the ground. Open it. The only thing right here is on the ground. I reach over from the ground. I want this to be a collaborative story. Yeah. Yes, Ed. You know what? It's from the ground. I want this to be a collaborative story You know what? It's on the ground. You know what?

We're doing this together. You know what? Thank you. I reach over to the ground. I drink it. That's 1d6. Okay, another 1d. And then I'm going to grab my katana. Second time. And that's it. No, no then I'm going to Grab my katana Second and and that's it and I'm no no I'm no stand

No with your fourth action you can stand or katana katana grab drink That's good. That's good. I hate this. That's a good one Whoa my god there goes the die went the die flu gone Sydney did a joke Hole in our son mad I'm so upset and this this Kaba broke so wait how many? Sorry hit points did the did I wrote you want me to roll for the you guys never roll? Oh, how many is a d8 d8 probably eight?

One you're fucking I want to make sure it wasn't a seven you're kidding me. let's say one. You're fucking- I wanted to make sure it wasn't a seven. You're kidding me. It's a one. Oh my. Hit points for what? Two potions. You know what? No, no. I don't bring out my katana. I'm on the ground, I drink my potion, and I take out my fruit. And I commit seppuku.

I take out my fruit, and I eat my fruit too. No, no. You can't. You're right. Take out my and I commit seppuku. I take out my fruit and I eat my fruit too. No, you can't. You're right. I picked up my katana. I have an idea. Stand up instead of picking up your katana. You can always pick that up next round and if you for some reason need to run. You're right. You're right. You're right. You know what? You're actually very right. The katana is still on the ground. I stand up. That's my turn. And now you're set. And I have two hit points. Hubert gave you one and you got one.

I was like, that can't be a one. That's gotta be a seven. Nope, it's a one. All right. Hubert says, you're right there. No! God. Brother Amias is dead now too.

What? Can't really see beyond 10 feet. He can't see beyond 10 feet? Can you assume everyone's dead? Actually, the Hedgehogs do have very poor vision. Bad vision. Hubert, do you have any healing potions? Who's saying that?

What? He's more than ten feet away. Sorry, the sun's in my eye. It's Asta. Can't quite see. Sure. Buggles, your turn. Death roll for Cutie.

Dying two. Natural 20. death roll for cutie dying to Natural 20 All right, so you are unconscious, but you've lost the dying condition amazing and like every other character you are wounded Yeah, phenomenal. Oh Still have that bottle cap. No, I'm gonna get that cat. That's right. Good cut conservation of the cap Yeah, it's your face. Oh cap. Come on. Look at everyone. Everyone is wounded except you rich. Oh my god I'm the giant snail thing and the check snake ever I need a Well, no, I don't need a death roll because you are no longer dying. Yeah. Nope. Let's go. Let's go

Um, so yeah, she's to listen to what's Lisa said. Go! Get up. See your bow. Tell me the bow story. Was it carved out of a tree that your mother was buried at? No. Was it your mother's bone tree?

Was it carved out of your best friend? I bought it with a coupon. It's carved out of my dead best friend. You bought it with a coupon. Was it a buy one, get one free bow you got it Costco Clearance bow yeah, I mean like she looks at the bow really quickly and she's like if I take the time to pick this up I'm not gonna get that far away And she leaves it

leaves it and double runs cuz then I'll be able to run 50 feet away and I run a little bit inland as I do so Just in case this thing is slower over land and would have less distance that can travel over land great idea All right, love it great nice. That's what I do good Talitha play dead. I think it might be dumb. Just play dead for like a second. I love it. Yeah. Deception John.

Hasn't attacked any of the other dead folk. You're an investigator. Yeah. The master of disguise. Once something goes down, it leaves it. Can you move your character 50 feet? Yeah, I can. Are you measuring?

Okay. Oops. Yeah. Stand up. You leave your bow. The speed with which you move, you kick the bow into the water. No, that would take an extra action. That's an interactive action.

It was an action. It was an action. It didn't mean to do it. It didn't mean to do it. Well, the next time I die, I accidentally give myself a healing potion. That's fair. Okay.

It is the giant snail thing's turn. The giant snail thing has this uncanny ability known as life sense. So it knows that Talitha is still alive. Oh. It knows that I'm faking? It knows that you're faking. It can distinguish between the vital energy animating living creatures and the void energy animating undead creatures Much as sight distinguishes colors

Sure, it's gonna miss that sounds remastered to me Well, then how come it ran away from what we were dying it put us right to dying. That's right It's like right. I can deal with that food later. I deal with this food. It is going to it has to move. Okay, or chooses to move one step closer to lethal. Maybe I got a natural one of me or even a two. No chance. What's fun?

Okay, very low. Doesn't matter. I'm prone. Okay, 18 total. Yeah, that hits. Okay, a natural five. It's AC. It's too low. Whatever.

Level two. Wasn't a crit though. 14 points of bludgeoning. I'm unconscious and dying. Were you ever dying? Yeah, you were, So now you're... Dying too. Dying too.

Dying too. Dying too. Dying too. Dying too. You would have been better off going over the falls. Probably, honestly. Because then narratively, you could have lived. Right.

Okay. This final action. I just shoved you into the water. What? That's so messed up shoves you in the water. What? That's so messed up. Shove takes the map. Shove takes the map. All right, and now it is going to start chasing. Amy.

It's gonna start chasing Amy, oddly enough. If it started that movie, we'd have like 96 minutes to get out of here. I wish if it started that movie we'd have like 96 minutes to get out of here Guys just started chasing me Chasing Amy and all I could think of was Britney Spears I was if you could see I was like if you seek Amy if you seek Amy You guys know that one? You guys get it?

No. If you seek Amy? All the boys and all of the girls are big and tipped. If you seek Amy? If you seek Amy. Right, that's as far as I get. They're not getting it, we'll just let it slide. Nobody gets it.

We'll look it up later. It's Hubert Hedge's turn. Go, Pizmirl. Oy. Oy. Asta. Yes? Where are you? You just, you just gave me something. You just gave it to me.

Oh, now Asta's dead too. I'm not dead, Hubert. I'm on the shore. Starting to feel things, Paula. I do have two hit points. Do you have any healing? I can still hear a voice. Carrying on the wind. Hubert, I'm gonna punt you off the rock.

What's that now? You love me too? Alright, I'm gonna go check what's over here. Hello. One jump. Oh, look at me. Right in the water. Second jump. Hello. Oh, look at that. Some people over there. And, uh, oh!

Hubert, this way! Brother Ramius, you live? Keep coming! Who's that on the shore over there? Is that a dead zeve? It's Buggles, it's Buggles! Zephyr's coming back! We're going to turn it around. Round 11.

It's Talitha's. Oh no, you're dying. You have to go all the way down there. It's Brother Ramius' turn. Brother Ramius. Okay. Brother Ramius. Okay, Brother Ramius is going to heal Buggles. Nice. So he'll reach out and cast heal on Buggles. For a max heal!

Oh yes. Yeah! We needed that. 16 points of healing. That's great. And then he will leap to the shore next to Buggles and just make sure that he's awake. Are you alright, Buggles? Yes, yes.

He's all bloodied and wet. Where am I? You're on the shore. It's coming up behind me. Help me! No! Help me! I'll try! Alright, so it is Asta's turn. Okay, Asta's turn. AABRIA. Okay, Asta's going to grab her katana. First action, and... Man.

All right, I am going to... I'm going to look at the creature. I'm trying to see if there's a range for invigorating fear. If you demoralize, if you try to... Is there a range? It's probably sight and hearing. Okay, so... How you're demoralizing, right?

Yeah, I'm gonna try to demoralize. Wait, you've seen challengers. We were just talking about challengers. So she gets her katana. Creature within 60 feet. God damn, I throw my katana. It's called her reaction. Oh, it's a reaction.

Okay, well. Moralize is a reaction. Invigorating fear is, so she doesn't do that, but she does free action, get her katana from the other side of the shore and yell, come on! So she's ready to go, She just has nothing to do. That's not a free action. What?

It's not a free action. Are there any spells you can cast that are like buffs or anything like that? Do you have a two-action? Because now you have two actions left. How's your swim? Wanna be a hero? Swim's fine. Wanna be a swashbuckler? Swim's fine.

No, I have like Sure Strike and Force Fang, which are like buffing spells, but to my next attack. Yeah. So they're useless. Oh, gotta use Shore Strike on a Spell Strike. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, it would be so dope if I could do that. Yeah, just let it come up to you.

Oh, that would be awesome. So I think maybe, you know what? Even if I'm on this shore, and the snail is all the way on the other shore, it's still too far. So she is going to hop onto the first rock in front of her, just to get a wee bit closer, hoping that the snail will get into range.

Okay. You have one more action. I will do a check. I will do a knowledge, recall knowledge. What's your nature or arcana? Yeah, that's zero. But if I do my arcana, that's a plus five. Nothing.

Nothing. Okay, that's my turn. Okay, us is on the rock. We know that it can sense life. We do know that. It's Buggles' turn. All right. Okay, Buggles will stand up, sort of on your feet,

presses his fingers to his temples, and and boom frostbite against the the creature fortitude save for did you awesome let's go reach your back to damaging this son of a bitch 26 okay that is a regular success okay okay that's four points of damage. Okay, every little bit counts. And that's it for me. All right, Buggles is up and has just shot a ray of frostbite.

It's actually, it's like this globe of frost, like, zoom, appears around it and like, sort of contracts on it. Oh, wow. Oh, better. Okay, I love it. It is Zephyr's turn. The choice to run seems to have been the wise one here because now you get a full complement of actions to attack it if you so

choose Or you could just keep running I hold Hold. I stop running And I hold. Okay, little uh, little delay Van Delay industries. Okay, and you want to. Van delay industries. Okay. And you wanna be my latex salesman. To leave, I need a death save.

I'm dying too. Yep. Critical failure be... Permanent. You don't have Balaka. No Balaka. How did this happen? How did this happen? No. No, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh That's horrible Man I cannot believe it's the second time that's happened on this show. Yeah. I can, the way we've been rolling. I know, but oh my god. Both times it was a natural one. It was a natural one. I'm so sorry. You sacrificed yourself for Zephyr. Fly away. Bye, Zephyr.

Zephyr. Zephyr. What? You're gonna have to earn this. Earn this. She probably thinks she ran away, like, saving... To Leafa. Drawing it. Yeah, it smacked her before it chased her.

Zephyr, um... gonna be the snail thing's turn unless you wanna go. Does it run up to me and stop? You gotta decide before it goes what you wanna do here. Well, what I was at- It looks like it's gonna come after. Oh, no, no. Did you use the luck that we got for your save?

You have die hard? I'm an investigator. What I should have done, which I forgot to do, was try the eerie. It wouldn't have mattered if you would have passed the flat check. I had the eerie flicker, my deviant ability to try to become concealed on that strike. Oh. But it's a flat check, you would have passed it anyway. Maybe not. It's a flat check you would have passed it on.

It's a natural 20. Oh my god. On what? On what? You didn't do anything. On a practice hypothetical roll. Hypothetical flat check. On that flat check.

Chill out over there. So what? That could have been on Zephyr. What I was intending to do was if you were going to run up to me and stop once you got up to me I was start start smacking you. I don't think you can interrupt a turn I think if you can ready and ready and then she held it didn't oh you didn't ready in it I don't understand it well. No you ready awesome. You actually could go now and ready ready takes two actions And you surely needs one I don't I

If I can if the ghosts of Salethic and way, I almost think it's better for you to keep running. Yeah, run farther away. You gonna bend Kenobi? Like climb the rocks. Run, Seletha. Climb the rocks, dude. On the shoulders. Run, run.

Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. And then shoot arrows at it from above the rocks. I don't have my bombs. Run, Seletha.

Run, bend Kenobi. Run. Run. Run. I don't know how much it's willing to pursue us over land. But if we just all run in different's willing to pursue us over land. But if we just all run in different directions, some of us will survive.

It's half on land, half not. We will survive. Some of us. If we just run inland? Yeah, people like spread out and just start running. If you triple move, you can outrun it. I triple move inland. Like I think I've seen Talitha maybe sort of get up and then not.

And then I realize what happened. And she just runs inland now before the thing approaches. Alright, it's the giant snail thing's turn. It's your intention. Well, let me tell you what happens here. With you running inland and all of you on land except Hubert Hedge and Asta, I'm gonna have it start feeding on Talitha, which would allow you guys the chance if you took it to you would think it's distracted enough but But her body.

To make it across the rock safely. Or you could pursue this fight, and perhaps more of you would die. It starts, it turns, and just starts like sucking the life out of Talitha, like sucking the juices out so that it can, uh, more easily digest her. So you see it turn and just, uh,

you'll never have a better chance than now to run. So, so dirty. Your bow is next to my body. I know. Ah. She's got those cool goggles on. It's gonna eat the goggles. Oh, another in my bag.

I've got some other cool stuff. Yeah. What about all that cool stuff? You guys wanna keep fighting this thing? Try and retrieve the body of your comrades? Do you think it's gonna eat all the items? Asta's wondering. We'll just come back later.

My god. The items? The thing you should really be concerned about is Zephyr's bow. That's an item. That's an item. There are four osticares. I think Talitha would want her sacrifice not to be for Nog. You have Talitha's crossbow.

You could always switch to a crossbow. I have the crossbow. It's technically a bow. It's not the same. Yeah, I mean, we're running, right? I can't believe you ran away, but. What? I'm not going to run away.

I'm going to run away. I'm going to run away. I'm going to run away. I'm going to run away. I'm going to run away. I'm going to run away. It's technically a bow, it's not the same. Yeah, I mean, we're running, right? Are we gonna- I can't believe you ran away, but- What? You told me to run! I'm just listening to you guys, I mean- Yeah, brother Amos is like, get away from the water!

We're still in initiative, but this is just an out of initiative conversation. You tell me what your intentions are here. What are your intentions of fighting Kamo? Are we gonna sit here and try to fight it? Get her home by midnight! I'm dead. I'm pushing my microphone away from you Are we gonna stay and try to fight it you or are we all going to run? I

Mean I don't think we should all TPK To just I don't have my bow anymore Body right now this thing one hit crits all the time it can spout out as many minions as it wants, seemingly. When it hits us, Troy. Asta's wounded too. When it hits us, does it hit us with the things coming out of the shells, or does it hit us with its head? It's got a jelly arm that comes out of its body and just...

It's like a snail on her. Asta has a hair brain scheme, but she won't do it. Because it would kill her. You're gonna look for a sacrificial unicorn to let loose? I don't see any, so no. I was going to- If there are any creatures in a cage, I could let loose. Here's my idea.

Joe's gonna hate it, Troy's gonna hate it. Skid might like it. What is it? I was gonna take my crossbow and affix the rope to it, and then try to get it around the snail's head, like a thing. What crossbow? With how many actions?

I mean my crowbar, my crowbar. And get it around its head and try to get on the back of the snail to attack it while on it so that it can't hit me if I'm on it. What's my idea? It might be able to still hit you when you're on it. It would probably, with the pseudopod thing that it has,

I think it would still be able to hit me. Also, I don't think you can be on it. I was gonna mount it. Unintentional mounting? Unwilling mount? Yeah. You have that feat? Yep.

No, you don't. I'm coming back to you again to say Sydney. I think we have the same thing. I mean, look up the old mount action. That's just gas escaping from the body. Don't listen. What stops me from climbing on the big snail? You are a geese.

You can use the mount action. You are adjacent to a creature that is at least one size larger than you and is willing to be your mount. That's where it gets scary. Is there an unwilling mount? Cause- It's a bad idea. There's no such thing as bad ideas except...

I mean, you can like grapple it or something. That's what I was thinking. Well, here's the thing. I mean, you guys gotta tell me what you want. I know it's a really, I'm putting you in a purposely horrible position here. Your, Osta's dying too. Well, how about this? How about, how about? Excuse me, wounded two, wounded one, wounded one.

You wanna continue the fight. There is every chance that more of you will die. There's no reason to continue this fight. Yeah, I think, unless we wanted, we have to give it an open casket funeral. That's the only reason to stay here and keep fighting it. I think we should probably just cheese it. I think we should all leave. It's not, we're not trying to track down this giant snail.

We're trying to get off this world. No, I know. The giant snail is not our quest. This isn't Moby Dick here. We're trying to get off this river. No, I know. The giant snail is not our quest. Yeah. This is a Moby Dick here. We should just go. And we're running... But we have to cross the river. We want to cross the river. But like this thing, we can all do it. It's distracted. We can cross the river safely.

Clearly wanted some dinner. I was just hungry. Who hasn't been hungry in their lives? Zephyr! I don't have my bow. Hurry, if you run, I think quickly you can grab it. We'll make another one. Yeah, I'm not going back.

Let's go. Across the river we must get there. Three actions across the river. Yeah. So you guys just, while this thing is feeding on Talitha, we just see this like wide shot of all of you jumping from rock to rock to get to the other side your original plan and as you're jumping and going to the side we just pan down and see this thing just

chowing on Talitha and Talitha maybe in the like, jerking motion of it sucking on you. Your eyes open ever so gently. And you see your brother just reaching his hand out towards you. We'll see you next week. Oh man. Tragic. Tragic. today at JoinTheNash.com. That's JoinTheN-A-I-S-H.com, where you'll get access to exclusive podcasts and live streams you can't find anywhere else. See what everybody's talking about and join

the nash today at JoinTheNash.com! Welcome to a journey into the heart of the Texas Renaissance Festival, the nation's largest and rowdiest celebration of medieval fantasy. But what lurks beneath the facade of tights and turkey legs? Well, we dove deep into the empire to uncover a history marred by mystery and misconduct, murders, assaults, and other crimes that tarnish its legacy. This isn't just a fairy tale. It's a cautionary tale of power, fantasy, and the consequences that follow when they all collide.

Search for Crime Waves Renaissance Texas on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening now. On a summer night, Douglas Wagg Jr. lay motionless across a strip of railroad tracks before being struck by an oncoming train. I'm investigative journalist Delia D'Ambra, and my investigation into exactly how Doug died took me into the depths of a bizarre mystery. It was really hard to understand what was back and what was it. A mystery that has led me from one suspicious death to another.

Listen to Counter Clock now wherever you listen to podcasts.