The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 37 – Hot For Teacher

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Another Gatewalker joins the party. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/F4LNZdIsuHA This episode was sponsored by Demiplane, Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. Check out Demiplane's Pathfinder Nexus and character creation tools at https://bit.ly/GCNOfficialTools See why tabletop gamers everywhere have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp Head to https://magicspoon.com/GCP to grab a custom bundle of cereal an dtry the magic for yourself, and don't forget to add their tasty Treats to your order! Be sure to use promo code "GCP" at checkout to save $5. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey, transforming into Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, nearest green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network,

the premier source for role playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon podcast. Ramias is just staring into the fire and there's a darkness in his eyes. Buggles just lying on his side, quietly weeping, clutching Talitha's hand crossbow. Maybe we should all say something about ourselves. I'll go first. In the gate, I saw my brother. My brother died when I was very young.

I'm left wondering if it was just a cruel trick, or whether he still lives. And Zephyr. And everyone looks at Zephyr. What? I don't know why the gate opened for me. It was wrong. I've gone so far backwards.

I have nothing now. No bow. You hear a rustling in the bushes nearby. Asta grabs her katana. Xing! And a man emerges. He's carrying Zephyr's bow. Upon the interruption, I think this might be yours. The adventure continues. Well, pardon the interruption. I think this might be yours.

The adventure continues... now. I'm a Oh, hey, welcome back to the Glass Cannon Podcast. True buddy, Troy and friends. Do you ever go to the bathroom and you're looking at your phone and then you accidentally switch to your camera and start filming yourself peeing? Never happened? All the time. All the time? All the time. You're like, who do I send this to? they like switched to your camera and start filming yourself peeing. Yeah. Yeah. That happened? All the time. I think what one-

All the time? All the time. You're like, who do I send this to? Yeah. How could I monetize this? Then you accidentally go into Facebook and you're like, how do I stop filming? And it just sends-

Accidentally send it to Instagram Story. Anyone know how to delete this? You're on Facebook Live suddenly, you're like, how do I stop? Someone help me. To see hearts flying up everywhere. I'm like, no, no, no. You are live.

You know what I do sometimes though, that makes me feel like an old person on a phone is sometimes I accidentally do the audio message recording, like in an open text message. And I'll realize I have accidentally recorded like three minutes of a conversation I've had with someone in the world that I've almost sent to, probably a random person that I've texted like three times about work or something.

Yeah, I do that. Who knows what I'm saying? Speech to text. I don't even know how it starts. I'll look down on my phone and it's like it's transcribed like five minutes of whatever TV show I'm watching. I only do voice to text. I know.

I'm always in person just talking. But sometimes the new app, you leave it on, and so I'll be talking to myself like, hey, get off of that thing! And it's all me just yelling. Words to the wise, everybody. If you're out with Skid or Sydney or Troy, watch what you say. Watch what you say. Stay out of the bathroom.

Always accidentally recording yourself. Are you wearing a wire? Kind of, I guess. We're all kind. Yeah. Stay out of the bathroom. Always, accidentally recording yourself. Are you wearing a wire? Kind of, I guess. Kind of, we're all kind of wearing a wire now. Accidentally. Would you rat somebody out? Um, like wear a wire and rat somebody out.

I'm wearing a fricking wire, man. Yeah, I'm not a snitch. No, I'm not a rat. What if it meant saving the world? Yeah, I'm like, what did they do though? No, no, what if it meant- Like, do they suck? You can't turn this into a trolley car problem.

Like why am I wearing- Don't know what that is. The trolley car? Where you can either- He knows what it is. You know what it is. You either run over one person or you save five people, you know, like-

Tell me more. Stop it. You're being patronizing. Maybe someone in the audience doesn't know. Also patronizing. Fair enough, fair enough. Tell them. Huh? Oh, okay. So the problem is that it. Also patronizing. Fair enough. Tell them. Oh, okay. So the problem is, it's that same thing. It's like if you are driving the trolley

car, do you switch the track from the trolley car hitting one person who's stuck on the track or five people? So do you save one person at the risk of killing- Wait, so it's already going to kill this one person? It's already going to kill- The question is, do you switch it to kill five people? No, no, no. It's already going to kill five people. Do you switch it to kill? If you do nothing, five people will die. If you actively do you switch it to kill five people? No, no, no. It's already going to kill five people. Do you switch it to kill? If you do nothing, five people will die.

If you actively do something, you will kill one person. Is the one person someone you like? You know, the five people? All strangers. They're all strangers. Are they physically attracted? All serial killers, yes. They're all hot.

Who is most likely to have sex with me afterwards? They're all super hot. All six people. The trolley driver. The trolley driver. By now, this is getting interesting. Good. All six people. The trolley driver. Smoking hot. The trolley driver. All right, well, this is getting interesting. All right, now I like this problem. The conductor of the trolley car is also smoking hot.

And they all say in unison, we will all have sex with you if we live. Are the people on the trolley car in danger? There's no one on the trolley car. It's usually a runaway trolley car. You're not on the car yourself. What happened to the hot trolley car? You're the switcher.

Now, you're the switcher. You just imagined the hot trolley car driver? Right, so it's the two of us. And we're on hot trolley? You're the switcher. You just imagined the hot trolley driver? Right, so it's the two of us, and we're on this trolley. And I look back at Nicole Kidman. Who's driving the trolley. They're all Nicole Kidman. She's in a cute little trolley outfit.

She's on her way to the movie theater. She's on her way to AMC. We come to this place for magic. We come to this place for magic. We take out of control trolley trains to this place for magic. I say, do you want to see a cool video of me peeing? And while you're watching the video, you kill five people. That's what gets you into this predicament.

That's your answer. That's my answer. There you go. The trolley problem solved. Now I know what the trolley problem is. I didn't know before. Nicole Kidman is very essential. Now who's wearing a wire? It's classic. Isn't it? Unfortunately, it's Nicole Kidman. Who's wearing a wire?

It's Nicole Kidman. It's Nicole Kidman. She rips off her mask and it's you peeing. Well, I think that the... It's you peeing. Dun, dun, dun. This story got out of hand, yeah. It's so good.

Can we restart? It's so off the rails. I imagine this is happening in San Francisco too, because they have trolleys. That's right. Kate, don't incur. I love stupid jokes. San Francisco, 1942.

Young Nicole Kidman. Would you wear a wire? Whitey Bulger wants you to wear a wire. Whitey Bulger did wear a wire? Whitey Bolger wants you to wear a wire whitey bolger did wear I've never been on a new wedding! I was just trying to think something about the tues and thurs. People are like, what is going on in that studio? Whitey Herzog wants you to wear a wire. I imagine. He wants to convict Pedro Guerrero. Whitey Ford wants you to wear a wire.

It'd be pretty cool to wear a wire, but you are putting your life in your hands. Yeah. You ever see the Spanish prisoner? Oh, it's been so many years. Is that a movie? Yeah. Campbell Scott and Steve Martin. Steve Martin.

Yeah, Steve Martin's great in that. And they like go into Central Park and he's like waiting for the, I don't want to ruin the thing, but the FBI is down there and it's Felicity Huffman and fucking Al Bundy. What's his name? Ed O'Neill. They're like the FBI and that's really good. They put a wire on him. He's supposed to go like spy on the guy.

He's like, hey, it's so secret. I don't want to know. Great line. Let me ask you this. Pfft. Pfft. It's like everything just shut down for a second. I had a thought and I wanted to continue it. Sorry, I'm so on whitey bulger being like, hey, go wear this wire for the family.

I forgot what I was going to say. Wires, trolleys, Nicole Kidman, peeing, filming yourself peeing, peeing, filming yourself peeing, actually recording yourself, recording yourself wearing a wire. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. Peeing. get you a new identity and relocate you, or do you have to stay low key? Do you have to stay in all of the above? No, it's not the witness suppression program. It's like they move you to Arizona and you can just bounce around too. But you couldn't go out and try to get famous,

because that's the point. This is Henry Hill's problem, isn't it? And you just keep calling into Howard Stern or whatever? Yeah, he just kept, yeah, it's just like, yeah, I'm in Arizona, I'm a Tempe. Yeah, so like. What are they gonna do, huh? Do they find and kill him?

No, no, no. He died of a... He died of cancer, right? Yeah, of non-mob related problems. Because my thing is, is like, they give you a new identity. That should be, that should do a lot to help you. But can you like leave the country and go on vacation? Can you, or do they keep tabs on you 24-7?

And after like, you're closely monitored, like... See, that's, I don't know. I don't know if I could do that. I mean, the alternative is the death of your entire family. I don't know if I could do that So you've just you've worn a wire and you've just informed on the mob They're like I'm gonna put you in witness protection and you're like Can I go to Cancun? Is that even living can I go skiing? That's what I'm saying, right?

Do you ever see the Simpsons where they go into witness protection? He wears the hat that says WPP I see the Simpsons where they go into witness protection. He wears the hat that says WPP. Yeah. Yeah. Although, assuming that you- I'm going to say, hello, Mr. Thompson. You smile and nod. I think he's talking to you.

He's talking to you. I think he's talking to you. You guys sitting there smoking a cigarette, they've been- In their fourth hour clearly. OK, gotcha. I think he's talking to you. Assuming a new identity would be kind of fun. It would be, right?

I think it would have its perks. Yeah. Like what? I mean, middle of your life, you get to start over. Yeah, you get to start over. Start over. Well, you have to look different too. That's fine.

Like I'm assuming you'd have to like develop a new style. Ooh. See, this is like a forced midlife makeover. You can just do the makeover also, that's an option. You don't have to inform on anyone. I'm just saying, if you happen to inform on someone, then you get a makeover. Like some people think about starting over in their 30s

and they're like, no, God. Where do I start? I'd love to start completely over. Well Kate, do you want to start over? No, I did that already in my 30s. I like kind of started over. Are you in the way? That was weird.

I don't think you're allowed to ask. I'm not in the witness protection program. I just started my life over when I was 30. You started your life over when you were 30? I mean, like not really. I just changed careers. You don't know anything about her from before. And that feels like it.

You changed your hair. I did. I did change my hair. And then a lot of times when I talk, Matthew's always like, you know what, every time you tell me about your backstory, your real backstory, it's crazy. Can you show me a copy of your birth certificate? Right now. No, not right now.

On air? Now. I swear I was born. I swear I was born. I hereby attest that I was born. Pretty sure I was, I sure I was. Wait a minute. This is expired. Under the penalty of perjury. I do a test that I was born. This would be something interesting though. If you're like, I just want to start my life over, but it sounds exhausting. Do something against a criminal family and then be forced into witness protection and the

government pays for it. And you get to to start over, new hair, new life, new house, I think they said you have a house. You can't work in your chosen field. You'd have to get a new field. It's also seems like a lot of work to ingratiate yourself to a mafia family enough that they would divulge secrets to you, which you could then share with the government

and then get it. It's like a lot of work. That's the easy part. If you just pay them, it's like, hey, could I pay you $5,000 if you put me in the witness protection program? It's like, why? What'd you do?

It's like, nothing. I just want a makeover. That's how they expand their business. They start offering it as a service you can pay for. Yeah. Call up the federal marshal, say I'm going to be leaving money on the table. Yeah.

It's foolish not to do it. Would you charge for something like that? It is so expensive that people don't just go into the witness protection program. That's like in Breaking Bad. It is extremely rare. And they only do it when they get a massive benefit out of it. But if you're doing it just for the makeover and that's the business, what would you charge for that business?

Oh, you mean if you weren't government and you were just... You're giving someone a life do-over. A witness protection program. Life do-over, new identity, so it's black mark. It's like 50 grand, right? 100 grand. This is exactly what he does. Just for the service, not for the things.

Yeah, just for the identity change. Yeah, 100 grand. This is exactly what happens in Breaking Bad. It's a guy who runs this. What's his name? Yeah, love that actor. That actor, yeah. I forget his name.

For Robert Forster. And actor, yeah. I forget his name. For Robert, Bob Forster. Yeah. And yeah, he runs the service and like you call him up, code word, and I think it's like $250,000. You get a new identity. A whole new identity. He sets you up and whatever. Yeah.

Here's what I'd counteroffer the witness protection program. This is the last thing I'll say about it. Yeah. They're like, well, you did a great job. Thank you for your service. We're going to put you in the witness protection program. And I say, counter offer, make me a CIA spy. Because I'm already, I need a job.

Make me a spy. I have to change my identity. I wanna say real quick, are we pretending it's you? Yeah. Okay. It's me in this scenario. They would say no. I'm just picturing you, why?

Picturing it just like that, like, make me a spy. And why? Do I get a makeover if I become a spy too? Do I get that? I'm saving them money. When you really think about it, they have to give me a makeover anyway in a new identity. They're like, fine.

Just make me a spy. Is there any very basic math involved? Probably not. They probably have calculators. They have calculators. Yeah, thank you. You guys know anyone in the CIA? How would I?

No. I know a friend of a friend all of a sudden, he did like, I'm in my 30s, I'm getting a new career, and went into the State Department. Oh, yeah. He did the State Department Training Program, and we were all like, oh. Yeah, actually, my dad's best friend,

I know he did work for the CIA. He was like, he's long passed away, but he would go, he did a lot of business trips to Latin America, and he was measuring the length of airfields down there while he was there. There was a dad, a friend of mine's dad growing up, who allegedly worked at a large New York-based bank,

was curiously around in a lot of South American countries when things were happening, and we were all like, even his son was like, you guys think my dad's in the CIA? And we were like, yeah. Definitely. We do think that. We had a friend of a friend who had an area code that, like, we were exchanging numbers or something.

And another friend was like, oh, you have this area code that my uncle or whatever has that. That's like the government, like the area code that you get. She was like, what do you mean? And the friend was like, well, what do your parents do? And she was like, oh, well, my dad works like, I don't know, like in the government, you know, like does something.

All of us were like, your dad is in the CIA. Like your dad is definitely in the, and she was like, no, we just travel a lot and we move around a lot and like, da, da, da, da. And we all were like, and he keeps all our money in cash. Yeah. We've only been to like three or four coups.

Was the area code 911? No. That would be cool. That would be a really cool area. All the government 911. That's the name of my movie. That's the name of your biopic? Yeah, opening line is just me.

I don't want to be like you, Wendy! The opening scene is you filming yourself peeing. Summer. Don't try calling me. You're getting trouble. That pee? We'll see after this break. We need it. Hey, remember breakfast cereals? How nice it was like on Saturday mornings.

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We're back. I'm sweating. Shout out to our sponsor-oonies, Demi Plainfoundry, VTT, and Norse Foundry. Want to kill a character? Get some Troy dice. They only roll 17. Or some of ours.

Or if you want to kill your own character. Kill your own character. Kill your own character. Doing that really well. Cool thing. Roll a three. Roll to hit. Roll a D6. What's the difference?

Yeah. Good one, Skid. What's the difference? I just rolled a five. Our sponsors. I rolled a six. I rolled a three. Are you serious?

Wow, that really was. It worked. The D6 theory. And a 16, so it's not all in the die. It's mostly in our hands. Okay. Let's talk about last week's episode. That was fun.

Fun little flash. Yes. That was, oh. We talked about it off camera before. I don't think we ever said it on camera. We should do an episode that goes back. And I was like, I kinda of poo-pooed it, because it was like a lot of work.

Was it someone else's idea? Yeah. That doesn't sound like a good idea. But then you regurgitated it as your idea. Troy, last episode, you had an amazing idea. I was like, very clever. Follow me on this. Well, I just thought with two people that

died from the original party, what better time to go back and see them once more interact. And then while we're there, why not check in with everybody else and really get back to the why this is important because, you know, Joe and I were talking about this off camera a little bit this adventure very unlike Giant Slayer, for example, like Giant Slayer end of episode one, a really cool guy dies. He seemed like a nice guy. Now it's a murder mystery. There is a very obvious through line here.

We got to solve this murder. Of this guy that we know and like. Who's dead in front of us. There's his body. In our hotel. Right? Right in our own hotel. Yeah.

Right. Died just a couple doors down. We should figure this out. Yeah. And that leads to another thing to another thing to another thing. A media with Gatewalkers, the inciting event happens off stage. Right. And now you're months into already having relationship and the missing moment as important

as it is, doesn't it? It's not immediate. It's not immediate. Yeah. And you also don't know what happened. So you're like not only trying, you're chasing a, you know, an invisible enemy. I think I even had Riddleson say something about like this invisible problem. And that's, that's hard to kind of wrap your head around.

So then you go, you're following a lead into seven arches. Oh, it's fake arches. Go to the real arch. Now you're in the shadow lands and you're fighting Kniepo. So now that was he it was he behind us? Nope. Now you're completely unrelated. Transported somewhere. We're just doing them a solid. For real. Those Oaks doers owe us cash money. For just like doing their shit for them. Yeah. Not only did we get rid of Bolon but we got rid of Kniepo. Yeah. Welcome. Yeah.

We saved the world for them, because they couldn't keep their key in their pants. Yeah. And now we have the key. And now you have the key. In our pants. In your pants. In your pants.

In our pants. In your pants. You can't tell, we're a little punchy. Well, it's important to go back and remember why. And in every little instance there, you got to see a little bit more as to what the reasoning is behind this. Even Talitha and Lucky, who are no longer with us, getting to know why this was important to them holds weight because there's no reason that their story can't continue to be told

throughout the course of this pod. But we end last week with all of you mourning around the campfire. Everyone sort of talking about their memories of Talitha, I guess further galvanizing the group a little bit. Russell in the bushes and a gentleman emerges, a handsome, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, scard fellow. Hot, scard, sexy dude. Tatted, awp. Oh, tat, I forgot, I wrote a hot guy comes out of the woods

with tattoos. And a little salt and pepper. Yeah, hung like a unicorn. What are you doing? Wait a minute. I don't think we saw. That's not specified. I think it's implied.

I'm checking my notes here. Yeah, wait, my notes don't say anything about that. It's implied. OK. So this well-hung stud comes out of a brush and holding Zephyr's bow. Oh, my god. I forgot.

What is going on with this motherfucker? Let's go back in time. Oh, okay. Another two hours of flashback? Yes. Today, this is what we're doing today. You see a tiny village come into view somewhere on the northern shore of Lake and Carthen. You're familiar with Galarian geography.

It's a smattering of huts, the occasional shack. The most opulent residence in this scene is a two-room timber house, but everything else is small, handmade, hardscrabble. This isn't the kind of place that sees many travelers most of the time. But right now, a group of about a dozen college students, most in their very late teens or early 20s, most a bit more finely dressed than they should be, perhaps, are spread out

throughout the village talking with the inhabitants. You can see now that many of the huts and shacks and other buildings have been ravaged, torn into. The villagers look exhausted, traumatized. Many of them are crying. The young people scribble notes as the villagers talk. Maybe we catch little snippets of what they're saying. Oh, is it night they come?

I told them don't go out there. Goat, we can replace. We can't replace you. We've been sleeping with the livestock inside with us. The only thing we can think to do. Eventually, the students wrap up their conversations, thank the villagers that they've been talking to, and drift over to hang together by the shores of the lake. Did you all talk to the one that said it was a Moroi attack? We are in Ustalov, but I-

You think this is gonna be on the test? It's Barnes. Who knows what the test will even be? Maybe he'll just have us tell a story about how our dogs died and if we cry we get an A. You're an asshole. Am I wrong? He's like, wife.

You okay? Ooh. Why do you have a completely different accent for the rest of us? I was really trying to get into the Scottish but it's hard when you have like two words. Why? It's like-

Are you an exchange student from somewhere in place? I tried to be really nice and ignore your nonsense. What? What kind of spy are you? How are you two- You can't be in the CIA. She's got to be doing stuff like this. I have a better idea, FBI.

You're a spy, you put me in the CIA. You're a spy infiltrating the normal world. Ah! Ah! What are you working for? Let me do my accent. Let me do my accent. I haven't prepared for it at all.

It was really hard to get into. Okay. His like, fuck. Man, now we lost the whole rhythm of the scene. Right, remember where we are. We're in a salon. All right, we're in a salon. Okay, I'll just do no accent.

Maybe he'll just have us tell a story about how our dogs died and if we cry we get an A. You're an asshole. Am I wrong? His like wife, right? Didn't his wife get murdered by some- Oh, so that's why you're in love with him. His dead wife- Shut up.

I actually heard it was his boyfriend. I actually heard both. Where is Barnes? He's still talking to that old man over there. Points. And they all glance back, standing outside of a small hut whose thatched roof has been torn open. Talking with an old man whose face is crusted with old blood is the man that we just met

at the end of last week's episode and the beginning of last week's episode. A man by the name Theomacus Barnes. Theomacus? Theomacus. Theomacus. Theomacus. That's a good name. It's real good.

Hot. Good Greek name. It's a solid Greek good Greek name. It's solid Greek slash Irish name Mousaka Mitchell. They can't hear anything. He's talking to the old man with the blood on his face. They can't hear what he's saying. But the old man is crying. And Barnes' face is crossed with concern. He puts a hand on the old man's shoulder. Gives an emphatic nod.

Here we go. Another crier. At that moment Barnes seems to see them. Gives an emphatic nod. Here we go. Another crier. At that moment Barnes seems to see them. He flashes them an incredulous look. He thinks to himself, what are they doing down there? Gestures for them to come join him. I think he wants us to come over there and join him. Oh, okay.

Wait, wait, not too fast. He'll give us more homework. Barnes glances up at the group of students again. His face makes it clear. Get your asses up here now. I think we better go over there now. Together and the students all make their way to Barnes. And the old man that he's talking to is still crying.

Take your time, take your time. I thought it was the wind. But my wife, she knew, she knew. She said, get something, you fool. She grabbed a knife from the stove. I was slow. I don't move as fast as I used to. And by the time I got my hands on the rake, I could hear it screaming. Sounded like a person screaming.

Screaming like they've been torn apart. The screaming sound is more consistent with a young, Sounded like a person screaming? Screaming like they've been torn apart. The screaming sound is more consistent with a young Ankeg than an adult. Barnes' eyes flash at the insipid young upstart. But he quickly turns his tension back to the old man. She didn't have a chance to scream. It was on her, ripping her apart. I stood there with a rake in me hands just watched like a coward. I didn't even have time He just breaks down sobbing come down come down. It's not your fault mate. Nothing you could have done

The old man still sobbing Barnes just nods at him It'll eat you alive these feelings. They're yours to have but take it from someone who knows to lead you alive You got children now You telling us what you saw this is good this helps us know how to stop them stop them next time do some good That's what you're doing. You're fighting these bastards the best way you can Old man nods tearfully squeezes Barnes' hands. Thank you, sir.

Thank you. They thank the man and head off. As they're walking, the mouthy student rushes over to catch up with Barnes. Excuse me, Professor. Barnes like whirls on him, eyes ablaze. Don't you ever try to tell these people they're wrong about what they remember. But... but he was wrong.

No, he wasn't. It's obviously an adult en- Oh, so you've encountered a lot of adult en-que in your time, then? No. You don't know the first thing about what these people have been through. They've lost people. They've lost the people they loved. Their words are theirs, and their stories are essential to our understanding

of the world around us. We don't correct. We listen. We record. We learn. Yes? Barnes just gives the student a look. The student gives him a sheepish nod. Good lad. Later, Barnes is sitting by the side of the lake, recording some notes. Takes a breath, runs a hand through his hair. Another village, another set of horrors. It's been too many of these. Then his eyes catch something in the woods up ahead.

A strange glow, he squints. Uh, Dr. Barnes? No doctor, son. Oh, sorry, uh, Professor Barnes? How about just Barnes, eh? Okay, Barnes, what's that? Barnes just looks at the glow, which is now reflecting its light across the ripples in the lake water. Not sure.

Flanked by his students, he heads over toward the woods, and there, yes, the old Ayudhara has suddenly begun to glow. Barnes is that or should we not be here or Barnes doesn't answer. He walks around to stand in front of the gate. He sees something. What What is it? Barnes? Barnes is just staring at what he sees in the gate, his face set. He looks almost determined, grim. But then a slow smile starts to creep across his face. Yeah, that would do.

That would do nicely. He glances up across his face. Yeah, that would do. That would do nicely. He glances up at his students. Stay here. I'll be back in a jiff. And he steps through the gate. Whoa, that crackling, that humming sound that we know now that these gates make, the sound that all of you heard

when you first stepped through. And we're back, this crackling fire. Asta has a katana out, the body lying on the ground of the first guy that came out of the woods. He's choking on his own blood. I have to do something about this fire. That was Misaka Mitchell. That was Misaka Mitchell. That was Misaka Mitchell. That was Misaka Mitchell.

That was Misaka Mitchell, whose name we'll never learn. And you are standing there with the bow. Easy, easy. I don't mean any harm. I found this. I thought this might belong to one of you. That's mine. She goes up and she snatches it from me.

How? How did you get that? Why do you have that? I found it on the side of the river. Back a few miles. Did you see a creature? A great snail-like beast? Oh, that's what did it.

No, I didn't see it today, but I've seen that one. Did you see a woman? A woman? A woman? Red hair? No. No woman. Sorry. You lost a friend.

We did. Please, sir. Step closer. Do you have any weapons on you? I wouldn't be out here without one, would I? Sure. What are they? He pulls back the side of his coat, and he's got a kukri on his head.

He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. He's got a kukri on his head. I wouldn't be out here without one, would I? Sure. What are they? He pulls back the side of his coat, and he's got a kukri on his belt.

Love a kukri. And then a chakram tied to the other side of his belt. Oh. And a couple daggers. Okay. And Asda slowly sheaths her katana. Hubert slides up to Asta. Oi. Looks like he's hiding a sausage in his pants.

Nine foot sausage. I pick Hubert up. Can I pick him up? He's tiny, right? I pick Hubert up and I go, listen to me, Hubert. You need to stop it. It might be another weapon. Hubert, whether or not you know what I'm talking about, you need to stop it. Might be another weapon. Hubert, whether or not you know what I'm talking about, you need to stop it. Just sit quietly. Are you from this place?

This jungle? No, yours are the first friendly faces I've seen in some time now. A month since we're... two, three months? You probably lost track of time. Might have been a month. Might have been two. How long have you been here? A month, two. I'm from... I'm a teacher. I work at the... I work in Avastan, Uncle. I work at the Arcanarium. So we are in Avastan.

No, I walk through a gate. I don't know where we are. Oh, is your brand visible? It's on the back of his neck over here. I think Asa asks then. That's a common spot for him. Asa says, show us your neck. He kind of looks around and he smells what you're cooking and he's like, you all too, huh?

He turns his neck and shows you the little, the Gatewalker tattoo. We all gasped. You all too, oh, you got here, you've been here a long time. No, we only just recently, a matter of hours ago, passed through the gate. We- You've survived out here for months?

Hasn't been easy. All manner of creatures. And there's that, I assume you've seen the, We... You've survived out here for months. It hasn't been easy. All manner of creatures. And there's that... I assume you've seen the funicular. The pyramid, ending up to the pyramid? Yes. Yes, that's where we were headed.

Well, I approached there, but there was some kind of construct. I don't know for sure what it's called, but I've never seen them before. But they were loading things.'d have seen like they're made of stone themselves I approached they attacked I can handle myself but uh I was outnumbered backed off they they are workers of some kind or guardians it's possible one of one of the other they once I backed off they let me go stopped as if as if a switch was flipped and suddenly they left me alone.

Forgive me, my name is Brother Remius of Latria, also in Avastan. He extends his hand to you. He puts his cigarette into the other hand, reaches out. And your name? Theomacus Barnes. That's a good name. Thanks. My parents liked good name. Thanks.

My parents liked it, I guess. This is Buggles. Hello there, Buggles. And for a second, his eyes flash red and he's like, and that is the Corlecon. Barnes doesn't even flinch, and he just looks down and he goes, ah Ah yes, I see what you've got in there, my little friend. You might be the bravest of them all. And Buggles comes back and he's got the, Talitha's hand crossed both still and he just like sort of hugs it tighter and sort of shrinks back. Well met.

This is Zephyr. Hey. He sends his hand. She's like going to shake your hand, doesn't want to. All right, if not. She's thinking like, great, yes, let's meet another person and then we'll all die together. You don't hear that. That's what she says on her face. No, it is.

It's like, it's like you don't want want to get to know the new guy. Yeah. Because all these people are... Dying. They're dying. Well, and also just... Like Vietnam. Yeah. And also... And also, just a minute... Literally, like a minute ago, Zephyr just told us that she

doesn't want to be here. Yeah. Doesn't want to be with us anymore. Everything was a mistake. She's hearing that you've been out here for months on your own and she's like, yeah, I definitely shouldn't be here. I should go home.

So she's like, yeah, nice to meet you, I guess. And Barnes got, Barnes kind of looks around at all of you. I can see you've all been through something. I apologize for intruding on your moment. I can go and let you have your. No, of course not. You are alone. Hubert Hedge.

That's my name. Right. That's Hubert. He shakes Hubert's hand. Hello there, Brother Sausage. He is not. That's really... That's going to stick, huh? Yes. I didn't catch your name when you said it. Always thinking about saying my own name. Forget to listen when the person delivers theirs. I'm always like, you would hedge,

you would hedge, you would hedge. And you said your name and I forgot. So you're Brother Sausage to me. That's fine if that's what makes hedge, and you said your name, and I forgot. So you're brother sausage to me. That's fine, if that's what makes you comfortable. What was your name again? Barnes. Hedge. Barnes. Sted. Sted again.

And my name is Asta, and Asta goes to push some of her fur back on her head, and then it just poofs right back up, because it's so humid here, it just pushes it down. Are you still holding your katana out at me? No, I sheathed it. Oh, okay. I sheathed it. I think we shake hands.

Fair enough. Romant. She just bows. Are you hungry? Do you need any food? That would be lovely. I have something to contribute as well, if that's all right, and pulls out some of his supplies.

Of course. Barclay, do we have anything we can give him? Any food? Yes, yes. And I hand over some like heart attack, like some of our rations. I'm sorry, we don't have more. Oh, it's fine. That's very generous of you. Are you able to maintain sustenance here? Are're hunting animals and staying fed. I've been hunting, foraging mostly.

So there are berries that can be eaten? As far as I can tell. Oh, have you been- Fodder is unlike anything I've ever seen before, but the flora too. So you still do not know which continent we are on? I'm an anthropologist by trade, but not necessarily a botanist or zoologist, but I'm nothing here seems familiar to me. Do you have any idea where we are? No, we're trying to discover that. Anthropologist by trade.

Oh, yes. So these structures, these pyramids, do they remind you of any particular culture of Golarion? Can I roll on that? Yeah. I mean, I also have seen the ruins, so I can talk about that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. All right. I do not, they do not, they do not remind me of anything.

Do you tell us that you saw a big elf statue? Yeah, I'll tell you about the ruins I saw. I saw this old ancient ruins, giant statue of an elf. Clearly. I look at Zephyr. Elves, elves Zephyr. She just kind of looks at you all and then takes her bow, turns around and walks away and like is looking at it. It probably is like all beat up and has slime on it still. Talitha's blood.

Yeah. Oh, jinx. Maybe blood, but I don't know if she can handle listening to anything more today, so she's going to walk away. And die in the woods alone. We'll just walk over away from you guys. Like I'm not in your conversation. I'm all upset. Please join off my back.

I must, I must sit. Very dramatically flaps the tails of his coat and sits on a log. His duster. Also, I wanted to, maybe I can do this while we rest. And I'm not sure if it's like a mechanical thing, but I don't want to forget that way back in the thin lands now feels like a million bajillion years ago from the spider guy who had those crazy goggles that Talitha got. I got his spell book and I want to look at the book to learn those spells so I can prepare

some new spells. And I know that the spell book has force bolt, tangle foot, shield, mage hand, spider climb, and an arrow in green flame. That's what I wrote down that you said. So you've taken some time with this book at this point. So I think it's safe to say you have identified the spells in the book. Cool.

Meaning that I can now add them to my book, right? Like I can prepare them? Yeah, I'm not sure how the, do you know how the transfer of like spells to one spell book is, is a whole thing. Yeah, I'm not sure how the... Do you know how the transferal of like spells to one spellbook is? It's a whole thing. Yeah, it costs money. It costs money. You have to pay per spell.

Kind of like learning the spell. Okay. Then I will figure that out off air, but now I know I can do that if I want to. I mean, you might be able to say that you don't need components for it, so it doesn't cost any money, but there is a role associated with properly copying it. And if you critically fail, I think you can't attempt again until you level up or something like that. Is there anything mechanically stopping her from just learning the spell from the other spell book, like using both or like, Oh, I guess I could just hold both spell books. Right. I mean,

yeah, I actually, I don't think so. I think that that's fine. That's fine. That you can add them to your list that you could prepare. I don't see why not. Yeah. Because I have both books. There is a way of thinking about spell books out there that one wizard cannot use another wizard's spell book because the writing is so esoteric and the approach to the spell is so unique that you would have to essentially translate it, translate your own approach to magic.

It's not like a list of ingredients that like, like this, you know, force barrage is the same in every wizard's spell book. Like they look very different from each other. So there is an argument to be made that you have to copy it, but I'm fine with either interpretation. Also, it's well known that wizards touch their genitals when handling their spell book. So I wouldn't want to cast spells Also, it's well known that wizards touch their genitals when handling their spell book, so

I wouldn't want to get spells from somebody else's spell book. No, you're probably right, Troy. I'm going to go with that interpretation. The genitals interpretation? Yeah, it's like gross. That's gross. You don't want to touch another man's book. Stinky. Here are the spells. Acid arrow, blazing bolt, gecko grip, Force Barrage, Shocking Grasp, Telekinetic Hand, Shield, and Tangle Vine.

I believe Gecko Grip is Spider Climb. And Force Barrage is obviously Magic Missile. That's been updated here on Foundry VTT, even though this is an original John from the John. Oh, nice. That's awesome. Very cool. FoundryTD, what are you doing? What are you doing? You play this game all day! Treat yourself. They're putting the work in. That's what they're doing. To learn a spell you must spend one hour

per spell rank during which you must remain in conversation with a person who knows the spell or have the magical writing in your possession, which you do have the materials in price mentioned here. All these are for cantrips first level or spells, right? Or are there any second level spells? Oh, let me see here. Looking at the book. Yeah, come on. Take a look at that. Can make heads of tales of this. Anyway, first level spells and cantrips are two gold pieces a piece to learn Second level spells are six gold pieces. Oh, yes. Yeah. She's the week extremely valuable to acid arrows a second level spell Yeah, as is blazing bolt

As is blazing bolt is that scorching ray? Yeah For spur so yeah, that's a it's a lot of gold and we don't think we have that. I don't have any gold at all. Yeah. All right. Well, cool spell book. I look at the spell book and I go, cool spell book. And then I close it. Because I can't learn anything.

Have you ever been to Nighthold? I have not. It's lovely. It's not. It's not. You said it's not. You didn't like it. You said it's horrible and horrifying.

That's why we left you with us. What does the word lovely mean to you? Enjoyable, comfortable. Nice. It's not what that is. It's not what that is. It's not what that is. It's not. You said it's horrible and horrifying. That's why we took you with us. What does the word lovely mean to you? Uh, enjoyable, comfortable. Nice. That's not what that means. What does it mean to you, Hubert?

Gross, sickening, dangerous. That's what lovely means. Yes, my uncle was a lovely man. Hubert is not from Afghanistan. He's not with us. So does he. He is not welcome. He's sort of like a messed up little guy.

If it feels like a nightmare talking to him, it's because he's from the place of nightmares. I understand. We're just past friends, you know. That's where we came from. Straight to here. It was an accident. You're from Nighthold. No, no, That's where we came from. Straight to here. It was an accident. You're from Nighthold. No, no, no. Where we came from. We made a mistake, I think, when we entered through the gate. We ended up here.

We passed briefly through this place known as Nighthold. I guess we should say that we were asked to come here to research, perhaps not here, we didn't know where he would be, but to research what happened when we passed through the gate. No one could quite remember where they had been. Do you remember being anywhere other than this place after passing through from Avastan? I mean, where they had been. I walked through the gate and I emerged here and wherever in this jungle. Wait. And Brother Amias looks at everybody else for a moment. His eyes pass with the amicus or bonds. Bonds. Bonds. I only know many of us in Avastan who perhaps went to another place like you have done eventually returned to Avastan, who perhaps went to another place like you have done, eventually returned to

Avastan, but with no memory of where they had gone. I, for example, stepped into the gate and have no memory of anything but stepping out of it a moment later. But three months had passed on Avastan. Three months? What's the date? What's the current date? Who's the president? Who's the president? I'll give him the current. But the idea is like I think it's- I'll give him the current date. I don't know. It's four months ahead. So much time has passed. So this is your missing moment. I just realized I've encountered the missing moment. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no. We've got to go back. Yes, it is possible that you were gone even within that gate longer than you realize.

I know the date that it was when I stepped through. It's the same night that you all went through the gate. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll walk through it. So why did you return? Why did you come here? And not Avastan?

This could be an interesting clue. Anyway, this is not what I saw a man in Afghanistan named Dr. Wittleson, a professor, a teacher brought us all together. Many more of us there are more of us that that experienced this and has set us out to try to find out what happened. I'd very much like to hear your findings. First, we probably need to get out of here and back home now. Well, there is no direct way. We were making our way toward where you said the stone creatures are. We hoped that this would be some sign of civilization, some way to get back home.

The gate is inert. It will not open despite us having the shade with a key. Oh, this is an important point. Zephyr, tell them about the key. Um, well- Barnes, when he sees this, Barnes gets really excited. This is the kind of thing that gets with a key. Oh, this is an important point. Zephyr, tell them about the key. Well. When he sees this, Barnes gets really excited. This is the kind of thing that gets him up in the morning, studying stuff. Artifacts. An implement.

Yeah, it's kind of like amazing that she has it. But yeah, she tells you all about the Shade with a Key, the Oak Stewards, Bolan maybe, how we found it. You shouting for it. And then how it led. Well, I came back, cause I heard him talking the hedgehog, and I'm like, you know what? Fuck this hedgehog.

She walks over. I want to go correct. No, and she also explains how like after Kniepo. You talk about Kniepo, you explain Kniepo. Yeah, after Kniepo, like the key kind of turned on and led us through the gate as it was led up to here. So you defeated this Kniepo. We did.

So you've averted what would have been catastrophe of the countryside? Perhaps we hope it is fully averted. We haven't been back there. We haven't been back. I assume that the way that the Gorgas and monsters were getting through is closed now that he's defeated, but I don't know. He was... it was weird in Nighthold. It was strange.

Nevertheless, I'm impressed with all of you. Heroes, you are. Well... It's very nice of you to say that. We all slowly swivel our heads towards Hubert. I'm not a hero, man. And slowly swivel back to each other. Hubert was a prisoner in Kniepo's court.

He was being held in a cage there. So this is an act of further generosity on your part. He was forced to wear a hat. Yes. Oh, the hat is not... Forced, forced, forced to act a fool. Yes. This was terrible.

I saved his life just this morning. Oh. Yes. Yes. When we recently lost our companion, the snail creature that we came up against, it almost destroyed me as well. If not for you, but I owe him everything. No. Don't touch it. I don't know how we are going to face these stone constructs that you talk about. If our plan was to go to this funicular, we're so unfamiliar with this land and we lost someone to a snail. I don't think we can. He's been here surviving here for months.

He pats you on the shoulder very, very, you know, you understand, he's like, I understand. I think though we now have, I was going to say five, but six of us. Yes. Fennicular, funicular, let's do it. I think perhaps if we were able to get ourselves loaded on what they're loading, we maybe can ride that up to the pyramid.

He gets loaded all the time. Yeah, he's loaded right now. I was about to say, we could all get loaded. I mean new friends and all. You know what? Yeah. Do you smoke? I don't, but you drink? I do. Do you have any? I didn't used to. He pulls out a flask and he burned through this the first first couple nights I was here. I'm afraid I have none. But I do have a pinch of flailief, if it interests you. I never touch this stuff. Disgusting habit, really.

Meant for fools. We're never dull my mind. Meant for cowards and fools. Oh, it does dulls your mind? Flailief? Sharpens my- Hey, I'll take some. Oh.

All right. I gotta go to sleep tonight if we have any chance of Megeta anywhere. Every single thing we ran into, we've died countless times while trying to fight it. You've died countless times? Well, I mean, he brings us back. We have.

Are you a man of the faith? I am. And we have been very battered. We very much so need some rest. You put it in your mouth. Tonight on a very special episode of the Glass Cannon Party. You just breathe it in and you hold it in. Martha's reconsidering the association with all of you.

You just hold it in. You have to light it first. Light it. Light it. The gatefolds. Tinted twig. That's a gateway. I know why I did it this motion. You could just use the fire. Oh, the fire. I guess I'll put my face on fire.

Right in front of you. The gatefolds into twig. That's a gateway. I know why I did this motion. You could just use the fire. Oh, the fire. I guess I'll put my face in the fire. Careful, brother Zephyr, that's a gateway drug. Shut up, Hubert. No, no, you know what? I cast Produce Flame for you on a finger. Oh, that's cool. Avatar style on one finger.

I'm going to walk through. So we very much. Zephyr. Take it easy. I think it's her first time. She took a, cough. Zephyr. Cough, cough, cough. Take it easy. I think it's her first time. She took a massive whole. That was a lot. Did you tell her not to inhale it so?

She skipped the first time. Sharply? Oh my god, I'm so dizzy. Yes, well. It's your turn. It's your turn. It's your turn. It's your turn.

Zephyr. All right, so roll a. Oh shit. Fortitude. Forgot about that, didn't you? I forgot there were repercussions to drug use. 15. That is a success. You're all right.

She's trained in all her expert knowledge saves. I smoke it too. Here you go. You just wanna roll some. You just wanna roll some dice. Roll a little dice. What you roll a dollar, sugar, and a play leaf? That's harmless. Watch this. 18. You just want to roll some dice. Roll a dice. Roll a Nala Shigan playleaf.

That's harmless. Watch this. 18. Pretty strong shit. Fassive. It's not weed. I'm acting like it's weed. All right.

Yeah. I smoke some too. And Asta settles down. And you feel sharper. You know, as if you, the mechanical bonus that it gives you is a plus one to saves against mental effects. So you feel like a little bit more in control of your own mind maybe or maybe less control. Maybe that's why it is. I don't know. You interpreted how you'd like. But he's explaining to Barnes that we're about to rest, that we're about to put down for

the night And I damp do you have a camp nearby? Oh? He are using yeah, I am my own camp. Oh, you're welcome to come with us Yeah, I'll just do a quick perception just for good measure Maybe it says a pretty good Torch and does like a perimeter walk or something maybe I was talking about on barn Yeah, you all oh I was talking about on the. Yeah, I was talking about on you all. Oh, I was talking about on the area. So 22 on barn just to see if he is some sort of liar or thief. 23 on the area.

Buggles gets an 18 on barns. I get a 24 on all of them. Whoa. Wait. I still don't really know who you are. Yeah, what the heck? I know, right? Is he like all wisdom-y? Is anyone hiding anything from Barnes?

No. My feelings. No, yeah, I don't think we're hiding anything. I'm hiding my hurt and grief. Yeah, my grief. My dead friend who died not hours ago. Acting strong. Do you think Barnes is hiding anything from the group?

I mean, there's things he didn't say. Sure. He didn't say what he saw on the gate, for example. But he's not being deceptive. He's not being deceptive. Everything he's told you is true. Okay. You don't get any sense. So rest if you like.

I can take the first watch if that's helpful. I'll join you. Very much is. That is very kind of you. Thank you, Barnes. It is encouraging to meet someone that has survived here for so long. I'm sure.

Believe me, I'm relieved to see you all haven't talked to anyone in a month. I know the feeling. Good night. I will say good night. Asta turns into a fox. Can you do that? Is that the one you can do? Yes. Which one can't you do? She Is that the one you can do? Yes. Which one can't you do? She can't do human.

I turn into a fox and then I dig a hole and I go in it. I thought you were hiding something. Misaster. She pokes her head out, looks at you and then goes back into the hole. Buggles takes the hand crossbow, hugs it tightly, wraps his cloak around himself and turns over on his side and tries to sleep. I'll take first watch. And as she does, she starts cleaning her bow off and oiling it. I'm happy to take the first watch.

No, I got it. You all did a lot. All right, man. Never turn down sleep, right? It's all sleep as well. All day. It's just you and Zephyr. Are you're staying up? No, I'll sleep. Okay.

Oh, I was gonna say there's no way Hubert offered to stay up. He's going to bed It's gonna say if it was brother tripod was gonna stay up, but I'll wait until he's up. I'll sleep as well. Good night brothers ever She said worst nightmare Something very lovely was happening. I'll be back right after this. That's the loveliest nightmare. Back. Guys are resting, taking turns, keeping watch. Next morning comes, it's a gray morning. Sun isn't hot, which is a nice reprieve from what it's been like since you walked through

that Ayudhara and ended up here. Maybe there's even a light mist in the air from the tree cover. The hill that you came upon, the amicus that, the head of an elf, sort of carved out of a boulder, is actually not far from here. So maybe I take them to see it. Yeah, if you want, you could take them to see it. Is there anything you guys need to do as you're breaking camp? Just prepare spells and stuff like that.

So yeah, he does have to do that Just thinking about yeah, I'm not gonna change anything for now. I just I prepare so much healing like that's what I'm just gonna keep Keep doing I think preparing healing Yeah, I guess I can't it stinks with the spellbook stuff cuz I can't really like do I can't transfer any of those new Spells because we don't have enough money, I can't transfer any of those new spells because we don't have enough money. So I'm just going to prepare my regular spells.

And I'm not a fox. You're not a fox. Don't say that about yourself. Thank you. I was fishing for that compliment. I'm back in my- That's the compliment. I'm back in my, I just want to say

I'm back in my Kitsune form. So you're not like, you can't pick up your Katana, you know, I'm back in my Kitsune form. Okay. And Zephyr obviously has her bow back. So Buggles, Asta, Zephyr, the Omicus, Mithyremius, Bonds, and Hubert Hedge. I can picture this party very clearly in my mind's eye. Set out Bonds taking them to this site. Maybe they would find it interesting.

You really must see it. Must see it. It's in the direction. Do you? Lead the way. It's on the way. And after a couple hours of travel, maybe Barnes loses direction a few times and then finds it again until you come to this clearing, the clearing that we saw in the flashback of last week's episode.

Just ahead looms a short hill covered in low grass and vines. The mound is maybe punctured here and there by mossy boulders and ambitious trees. Sure enough, at the hill's crest, the largest of these boulders has been carved into the unmistakable likeness of an elven head. Wow. Wow. So cool. Look, Zephyr, look. By the way, I think Buggles is really freaked out at the idea that Zephyr is thinking about

leaving. I think this is absolutely incredibly upsetting for him. He's trying not to show it, but he's, would take every opportunity to try to like make her want to stay. So he's like pointing at the elf. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's really big. Oh, God. Looks like you a bit. Yeah, a little bit. Maybe it's really big. Looks like you a bit. Yeah, a little bit.

Maybe it's a sign. Yeah, maybe. Sephirot, do you have any knowledge of what this is? My dad told me stories about it, about Castravel, where the elves are from. Castravel. Isn't that a planet? Yeah. He'd always be like the star in the sky up there. That's where the elves came from. And they have statues like this there. I don't know And they have statues like this there. I don't know if they have statues like this here on Golarion.

In Barnes it starts conferring with all of you. You could carry a doll, I could carry someone. Is there a knowledge roll for if this could exist on Golarion? Yeah, anybody have like engineering lore or anything? Elf lore? Yeah, elf lore for sure. I don't have elf lore, but I am a half elf Do I get a yeah, oh you don't have Stabling lore I

Actually can roll on this okay. It would be society. Maybe I could do I have society I'm training that and anyone could roll that but yeah, I had But I I don't know anything. 22 for society. 15. Okay, Ramey, do you wanna get involved? 22's pretty good. Wouldn't be Arcana, right?

Not so much. Ooh, natural 20. Nice. 25 on society. So maybe my knowledge is like, hearsay and just based on stories, not as good as yours. And Barnes, you know, comes in and it's like, yeah, gets interested in Bramius. He borrows one of your floating books and flips through. Please take a look in there Did your parents ever speak of any duplicates or places of honor on Golarion that mimicked this sort of construction?

Not that I know of, no. So with a 25 would I know if there's a place on Golarion where they did this kind of stuff, where elves built these large monuments to elves? You would know that not unlike the Ayodhara that exists all over Galarian, there are statues of elves. So this isn't that strange to see. But there is something very, just very different about the features of this elf. It's very stylized in a way that is unlike anything

you've ever seen or seen etchings of in books. This feels very like Olmec culture, the giant stone head and the jungle and everything. This feels very Olmec-y. Yes, any structures like this that I heard of in Galarian were in Avastan. Were in the southern reaches of the continent. I don't know of any that are in this climate or this ecosystem. I agree. I haven't traveled much around the equator, but I've never seen anything like this. Can we? My first assumption when we looked at the stars and could not recognize them was that we had perhaps crossed

over to the southern hemisphere of Galarian. It's a logical assumption. Could it be Castravel? Could the gates of... I don't see why not. They go through planes, dimensions, as if they're nothing. Why not to another planet? Planes dimensions as if they're nothing why not to another planet Why would it take could I roll on the iudara? See if I've ever heard a story of someone passing between you know you in an ancient tale of someone passing between play like elves using it to travel

natural for I was gonna make you roll it I mean you're a learned man Yeah, I know that that's what they that's what they built them for between worlds. I mean, yeah the Exodus I think of the elves Exodus and then their eventual return This was one of the ways in which they powered that as you're planting this idea that this could possibly another be another planet in Barnes's head everybody roll a actually don't roll. What is everyone's perception DC? So your perception plus 10.

14. 14? Same. Same? 16. 16. 18. 13.

13. 13. None of you notice some things crawling out of the bush. Roll for initiative. Ohhhh! Let's take old Barnes the Apparice! Let's take old Barnes the Empress! Take old Barnes the Empress, Vincent! We got a champion here, a scarred warrior, it seems.

You want to see a map and a half? I do! Yes, take me to the map and a half! Look at that head! Whoa! Whoa! Now, I don't have artwork yet for Mr. Barnes, so I've just used one of the iconics. But let's see how everybody... Is artwork for Mr. Barnes being worked on?

Yes. All right. Wow. All right. I can't wait to see. I'm excited to see that. I'll give you a few apps. I don't want to waste them. So we'll definitely have it next week. You shut your mouth. Rome wasn't built in a day. This is a Grecian goddess we're talking about or God we're talking about. Yeah, here's what we're going to do. You guys did very well last week and I have obviously been very stingy

with the caps. So I've got some caps here that are coming to you guys for good role play. Oh, one for everyone. You get a cap. Hey, that are coming to you guys for good role play. Oh! One for everyone? One for everyone. You get a cap. You get, hey! Give me mine, give me it.

Thanks buddy. Oh my gosh, thank you. Give me mine, give me it. Give me it, give me it, give me it. Thank you, I feel like Oprah Junior. Right. You get a cap. I got a glass cannon labs.

Oh, no, I love the labs. Oh, GC libs? Love the labs. Game garage. Game garage. Game garage. Game shops. Oh, I got Metra.

Oh! That's dope. Throw garage. Game garage. Game garage. Oh, I got Metra. Oh. Oh. That's dope. Throwback. Classic. That's cool. You are new to Initiative here. What did you roll?

25. 25. Oh, baby. That's what he taught at college quickness. What level is your character? That's what we're talking about. Yeah, what level is your character? Sadly, level two.

No. Bum bum bum. Bum bum bum. Bum bum bum. What did you get there, Buggles? Six. Six for Buggles. Oh, Bugs.

Zephyr? Six. Six for Zephyr. Whoa. Oh my god, they love each other. Wow. Asta. I like pudding.

18. 18. I like pudding. To Asta, and of course, Brother Ramious. 26 for Brother Ramious. Wow. 26 for Brother Ramius. Six for Brother Ramius. Oh, because you got an eight perception. I do.

Do have an eight perceptio. OK, let's roll some more initiatives. And Brother Ramius, you go first. Really? Mm-hmm. Nice. Whoa. That's a first.

First time. First time on the pod. Things are changing. Things are changing for the better. the better things. So he feels The presence of something but can't see anything right? So this is how this is gonna play out these creatures were hiding Okay, and so right now they have essentially lesser cover in the brush with which they're going But when they attack they won't attack you flat-footed because you now have the chance to act first So you're not off-guard

Against these creatures, but you look and you see just north of the head. There is this like feline Lizard coming out of the brush and you sense one coming from the other side as well And I can go ahead and show you what they look like Okay and show you what they look like. Okay. It's a Oh no! Weird. Feline lizard covered in these like wet bubbles. Hostiles.

Ew. Hostiles. Oh I liked it until It's got a spore effect. Until you said that. Meow. Okay. It's got like a, it's like a cat with a snake head.

Yeah. Yeah and there's another one you'll see to the southwest. I think a trip to the vet is in order. Yeah, that cat's sick. This cat, there's something wrong with it. Doctor, my cat has bubble back. There's something wrong with this cat. Okay, it's funny because I did say that I just prepared heal, but of course I was exaggerating.

Okay, I am go- oh boy. Brother Ramius is gonna see seeing these creatures crawl up and be like, There's something approaching! Keep it protect us! And he is going to cast Bless to begin. is going to cast Bless to begin. And so around him in a 15-foot radius, an aura forms of light that will offer you a plus one to hit. Anybody that's within that radius. Thanks. That's everybody. Yeah, and then I will do a recall

knowledge on this creature. OK, a little recall knowledge. You want me to roll it? Yes, I do. That is, yeah. So nature? Yeah, nature. Plus eight. Plus eight.

Plus eight. You have no clue what's going on here. Okay. That is his round. Okay. And now goes to the new guy in town. Barnsy! Barnsy!

Barnsy! Barnes! Okay. Can I see? Barnes! So after brother Ramius calls out I can now see them Yes, you call it out. You see him. That's how it's gonna play out They're gonna have cover from where they're standing up, you know plus one to their AC lesser cover Okay, but you see these things coming out of the brush hiding brush coming towards you. Okay, I am going to

I'm gonna use an ability called exploit vulnerability I'm gonna use an ability called exploit vulnerability So you're gonna it's a knowledge check but it's gonna be for with esoteric lore Esoteric lore like you kind of like a catch-all Well, it's just I'll explain more when we get into it But yeah, so it's you're gonna it's gonna be not again is gonna be against the creatures standard DC for its level Okay. All right. And what is your bonus? I'll say standard DC for its level. Okay. Alright, and what is your bonus? Plus 8. Okay, what? So you gotta tell me if it was a crit, a success, a fail, or a critical fail. A success. Okay, great. So I can recall an important fact about the creature, learning its

highest weakness, or one of its highest weaknesses, if it has multiple of the same value. Okay. Yes, and that's, so yeah, if it has a weakness, I need to learn about it. If it does not, then something else happens. Alright, here's what I'm gonna tell you. They are weak to electricity. Oh, that's... That's good to know. Just to plant a little earworm in your head,

it is a volatile weakness. Oh... I don't know what that's gonna do. Those little pustules. I feel like they're gonna blow up. And like, do damage to us. Zap them. If we're in range of it or something.

Interesting. Okay. Uh- Volatile weakness. That is interesting, and I- I- How that is going to affect what's about to happen is going to be... Oh, yeah. That's so funny.

Uh- Hahahaha! Yeah. Let me just read this. Hahaha. That's really funny. Huh, what's gonna happen? Well, I know what's going through his head right now. No, actually, this might be the perfect ability for this.

Okay, so Barnes is going to... All right, so let's take this out for a spin. Okay. You might have noticed that Barnes is always kind of fidgeting with a little like a shard of a mirror in his left hand Oh a little shard of a mirror and he he like acts He seems like is that his hand goes taut and he catches it and it glint a little bit of light He catches the light a glint and all of a sudden an exact copy of Barnes Appears 15 feet away toward the north toward the other creature hiding in the trees a copy of Barnes appears 15 feet away toward the north toward the other creature hiding in the trees a

copy of Barnes appears Goddamnit, so where is it like right to the north of the creature like no 15 feet north of Barnes You'd be north of Barnes. I gotcha okay on the way to the creature. Yeah, there you go Oh my gosh, we got it right on the foundry. Oh, yep I'm actually gonna place him On the way to the creature. Yep, there you go. Oh my gosh, we got it right on the foundry. Oh, yep. Ooh, I love it. And I'm actually gonna place him here, just so. Okay, is the creature still hidden from me there? It has cover, right? Yep, it's just, it's lesser cover.

I can be up to 50. What do I see, bomb? Okay, and then he will throw his chakram at it. Okay. You know, you build these characters. Oh my gosh, you did it. Is it a one? No.

Okay, well I thought it was a one. It's still probably gonna be, oh god. Nine to hit. It's the best. Okay. You build these characters and you're like, all right, let me just roll good for the first attack. Yeah, you just wanna come out looking good. Wanna set a tone early on. Of how cool. Oh, it's hidden in the good for the first attack. Yeah, you just want to come out looking good.

Want to set a tone early on. Of how cool. It's hidden in the trees, it's a tough hit, you know, it makes sense it's difficult. So far, it's very early in this character's career, but so far you don't know anything helpful and you don't hit anything. Oh yeah, by the way, this knowledge that I gained,

you can't benefit from. Oh wait, no, you did get a good roll when he rolled it. No, that's, actually that's true. You know, I can, and I will benefit from. Oh wait, no, you did get a good roll when he rolled. No, that's actually, that's true. You know, I can, and I will share with you that they are weak to electricity. Yeah, you can't say it out loud. Well, depending on how, if it were, depending on how I roll, I learn things or I just have to like come up with. Okay, okay.

It gets more complicated. But yeah, I'll share with you that it's weak to electricity, but it's a volatile weakness. Did you say what you're playing? You don't, you know. I know. I know you know, the way you're. Did you say what you're playing? You know. I know. I know you know, the way you're reacting, I don't know. I don't know. I know.

I don't know. Do you know, Skip? I don't know. Are we keeping it a mystery, or do we want the audience to learn the game? I think- Kind of classy. I think he'll tell us after this fight.

I'll give it a mystery for now. Okay, okay, when you hit, tell us. I'll hit, I'll tell you. Tell us when it hits. Yep, a couple people are watching right now, they know what old Theo is, I'll tell you. Tell us when it hits. Yup, a couple people watching right now, they know what ol' Theo is, but it is Asta. That's actually what his friends call him. Really?

That's what Hubert's gonna call ya. He doesn't know that. Hubert doesn't know that yet. Yeah. Alright, Asta is going to, seeing only this one creature, like to the south, she can't see anything to the north, she's going to run 15 feet in front of, to get in front of Brother Ramius and the group,

kind of protecting them with her katana out. Oh! And she's going to cast on herself to prepare. I'm going to cast Runic Weapon on myself. Ooh! That sounds good. So basically I get like a plus one, basically it's a plus one striking rune to my katana for a minute. So I I get like a plus one, basically it's a plus one striking rune

to my katana for a minute. So I'll get double damage die and I'll get a plus one to hit. Wow. Isn't that fun? That's amazing. Runy weapon. What? Runy weapon?

Runy weapon. Runy weapon. Why are swords so sharp these days? Back in my day, swords were dull. That's a joke for a very old keeper. I'm right there with you. Sadly, I understand that. Andy Rooney used to be out 60 minutes.

It was a good Andy Rooney impression. Your weekly dose of just random crankiness. I didn't get it because I'm young like Kate. I don't get it. Well, now it's canon that I cast that and my katana actually just starts talking. It becomes sentient. Oh, and it talks like Andy Rooney. Yeah, it talks like that I cast that and my katana actually just starts talking. It becomes sentient. Oh, and it talks like Andrew. Yeah, it talks like Andrew.

Did you say you moved? Yep, I moved in front of Brother Ramius, 15, and then I cast this. That's my turn. All right, it's Hubert Hedge's turn. Oh my god, dude, look at what's going on over there in those trees. I'm gonna stand right next to Brother Ramius and he slides back. Hubert, stay close. Under the lip.

Stay close. Oh, look, I'm in the thing's mouth. Take a picture. brother Ramias and he slides back under the lip. Oh, look, I'm in the thing's mouth. Take a picture. Painter painting. This'll be fun. Send a postcard to Susan. I'm curious when we meet people who have played Gatewalkers, what personality their Hugh had.

And was it maybe Cuddly or friendly? Allegedly not identical. He exists in the AP, right? Maybe he does. Maybe he has artwork. He exists in the AP, right? Maybe he does. Maybe he does it too. He has artwork. He has artwork. I do that myself.

Hubert drew it himself. Hubert drew it himself? Hubert drew it himself? Yeah. I'm breaking the fourth wall. Is Hubert the game master? I am, I also got a bottle cap. Oh no.

I also got a bottle cap. It's the Lizard Cat 2's turn. An old Lizard Cat 2 is going to move 30 feet right under the tree near Asta and Zephyr, and then it's gonna slide five feet up to us to avoid any provoking. Asta, did you move? Yeah.

You moved your piece? Yes. To right next to Brother Ramias? Yes. Okay, I thought you said 15 feet from Ramias. Oh, 15 feet total movement. No, no, no, I ran 15 feet. Yeah, yeah, to protect you. I thought that my thing was glitching. Sorry, I thought you said 15 feet from Ramius. Oh, no, no, no, I ran 15 feet. Yeah to protect you

I thought that my thing was glitching. Sorry. Gotcha. And once it moves there it like crouches a little bit and like and then And a burst of flame goes out. I need Asta and Zephyr to Actually, I don't think there's a save on this Yeah, you're just gonna take damage. Oh what I must be nice. That's fun Yeah, yep, no say I prefer abilities that just hit for damage with no role prefer them exclusively

It's a lot of dice unless there's rules for emanations Yeah, no, it doesn't say any save so Uh, yeah, no, it doesn't say any save, so. Is it an ability? You're gonna take, yeah, it's a two action, uh, Jonski. Uh, six, nine, ten, eleven points of fire damage as just a fire blast comes off of this creature. So funny, like, literally everything we see is going to kill us. Yeah, we haven't seen-

Not that it can kill us, it's going to kill us. Everything, everything will- I'm gonna give up. That's the point, we're all gonna die. The other one rushes up towards the image of Barnes and goes to bite the image. I don't know how this works, so you tell me. I rolled absolute shredded rocks, 29 to hit. That is a crit.

Alright, so walk me through what happens. I give you the damage. Alright, so... Why are you even playing? But it's your image. It's not. Is it on you? No, you can just make it go away.

Nope. Oh, I don't agree with that. Really? I only read it once, but... There are things I can do to make it go away. And it will at the end of my next turn it will go away. So it's not really you? It is you? They both count as me for the purpose. This were like an area of effect thing. I would only take the damage once.

Right. Yeah. Okay. Alright so it's ten points of piercing damage. Okay. And then does this thing... would this thing roll fortitude saves? Okay. Alright, so give me a fortitude save. It like, the blisters on its back start spreading to you.

Natural 20. Natural 20. There we go, that's huge. So you are fine there. And then first action, second action, it'll try to bite one more time with the map and misses with an eight. Alright, so these things are nasty. And it is Bugles' turn.

Okay, Bugles is definitely afraid. Yeah. So he is going, he's gonna reach out with his mind and shoom, close a ball of frost around the creature to the south. And if you could give me a reflex save. Reflex save on the creature to the south?

17. Uh, okay, that is a has uh... you take three points a cold three points of cold damage and then he's going to cast shield oneself she'll close up

thinking first how did you know that i thought Boom, boom, shield goes up. Zephyr, you're thinking of leaving the mission. You feel cursed. How did you know that? Oh, I thought you saw me measuring really far away and you're like, you're gonna run. I don't know for your role play from last time. You couldn't even get into the good bow academy. I didn't even make it there.

She's got her bow back. This thing just exploded in front of her. She's gonna her bow back. This thing just exploded in front of her. She's gonna try the bow and see what happens. So she's going to step back 25 feet. Phew, from the cat that just struck at her. Oh, and it's interesting. So I guess I'm like under the brush because Foundry VTT just like reanimated the trees above everything.

That's fun. That's awesome. Real cool. Which is cool. Does that mean it has like cover against me now? No, it's, let me see where it is there. Yeah, it's gonna get a plus one to its AC while it's hidden under those trees.

But if I was right up on it, it wouldn't. If you were right next to it where you just were, if you decide not to move it, it won't get cover. You just risk an AOO for taking a ranged attack. But it probably doesn't have an AOO. So those are your things you got away. Yeah, so I'm not going to move them because I can't afford the cover plus one, honestly. So she's gonna stay there and fight with her fisty fists.

Okay, little kick. Honestly. And shove. So Fluria blows the natural way. Yeah. So she sees this cat and she just goes in with just like a cross punch. Really generous.

Straight to the face. Generous to call it a cat. 19 on the first one. That's a hit. Oh my god, oh my god. Ohous to call it a cat. 19 on the first one. That's a hit. Oh my god, is that a hit? Oh my god, oh my god. She's back, she's back, baby. Action king, action king.

Action king. Back in action. Did you ever see that? All right, so I'm just gonna roll my second one to see if it hits because the damage is combined. Sure. So second one is going to be, oh my god, that one hits two. Whoa.

It's a 21. It's two hits. Oh my god! Oh my god! So yeah, it's just like a flat out, like jab cross in this thing's face. Yes. So that's gonna be two D6,

three, so that's nine points of damage total. Nice. Whoa! Plus stunning fist. And then I have stunning fist, I was gonna say, I'm like, don't I have a feat? Three. So that's nine points of damage total. Plus stunning fist. And then I have stunning fist. I was gonna say, I'm like, don't I have a feat? So I have stunning fists. Okay, you said nine points of damage total. Nine points of damage total. Okay, and then fourth save.

And then you're going to roll. A fortitude save against my class DC. Yeah, it's probably a crit success, but we just make sure 23. Regular success. Yeah, it's probably a crit success, but we just make sure 23. Maybe not a crit. Regular success. Regular success. Um, what does that mean?

I, like, never hit with this. And it's incapacitation effect, but I don't think you guys, you're that high of a level. If he's saved, it's fine. Oh, okay. Nothing happens. Right, that's what I thought. Okay. Alright, so one, two, hit.

So that's the first action. Second action, she goes what I thought. Okay. Alright, so once you hit, so that's the first action. Second action, she goes, holy shit, holy shit, you guys, did you see that? Just kidding. Second action, she wants to try to do a knowledge roll against whatever this is. Can it be nature? Uh, yeah, nature. What is your bone? My bone is plus four.

Plus four. Okay. You can do electricity damage to them. Might hurt them more, but it might cause a little bit of danger. All right, you don't know what these creatures are, but you sense some facts about them just by looking. You're like, wow, if they can blast fire, they probably have some resistance to fire. Okay. So as I'm like singeing from just getting blasted, like if it uses fire, it probably is strong against fire. And she's going to just take like a five foot step,

10 foot step back, just in case there's an AOL. But she doesn't want to get that far out of range because the fists work this time. You pull back, it doesn't attack you. Perhaps far out of range because the fists work this time. You pull back and it doesn't attack you. Perhaps it does not have an AOL. You guys know that it has some sort of volatile weakness to electricity. Do we know what that means?

I assume, I was like, I'm assuming things, but I don't actually. Yeah. If you feel like your assumption is on the right track, like if you're going to use electricity damage, make sure it's away from people. Makes sense. Top of round two, Brother Ramu. Brother Ramu will kick off the round by, he's going to sustain Bless and expand it to 25 feet. So now in a 25 feet aura around him you can get a plus one to hit and then he is going

to try to attack this one that is next to Asta. So he will fire a divine lance at it. Oy! A bolt, screaming past it into the woods, hitting dozens of leaves. No less than a dozen leaves are shredded by this bolt of pure spirit energy.

And then he yells, fuck! And his turn is over. And it's Barnes's turn. Okay, at the beginning of my turn, the mirror ceases to be. So, however, the one that remains is the one next to the creature. Oh.

I can decide which one remains. That's cool. Ah. What's it called? It's called mirrors reflection. It's like a free teleport almost. It can function as a free teleport. Whoa.

Where's McJohn? Where's McJohn? Barnes will draw a kukri, first action. Second action, catch the light again with the mirror. And another Barnes will appear flanking. Nice. Oh, nice. Oh, cool.

Whankaroo. Wow, it's like are my eyes playing trick zombie when it's with the story with this dude. And then third action, strike with the Kukri. Plus one. I have a plus one factor. Oh, and the whole time after he did that, he's like, oh, I think I know.

I think I've seen these before. And he's digging through all the little pockets in his coat, and he pulls out a small little, and it's like a little shard of a stone that's like one of those, or a shard of sea glass that looks like it's been struck by lightning. And he kind of touches it to the weapon and he's like, here we go.

And he stabs with the kukri for a natural two. Boom. Oh no, come on, man. Character seems so weird when he does a lot of stuff and then nothing happens. I hate RPGs and characters and dice. The character seems so weird when he like does a lot of stuff and then nothing happens. I hate RPGs and characters and dice. The characters seem so cool.

Everything about it. I don't know, the dice isn't so bad today. I'm feeling good you guys. Must have been the sea glass. And that is his turn. Asta, what are you doing? Asta is going to, with her katana, spellstrike. There it is. There you go.

I haven't done this in so long. At least 30 episodes. At least 30. And I get a plus one from my striking rune thing, and then a plus one from the bless, so let's see. Oh yeah, that's gonna be... Oh wait, why am I counting so much? It's a 27.

You sure? Yeah. Not higher, not lower? Hold on, let me double check. Oh wait, no, no, it's a 29. That's a crit. Yeah! That's a huge crit! That's why I want you to take your time! Critical! Critical! Critical! Critical! It's gonna be double damage across the board here. Wait, so you get the full benefits of a plus one striking weapon. Critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical critical Okay, so let's just figure it. I could roll really low. So let's say yeah, you could roll pretty I could roll it be six points for

ten fourteen eighteen 36 36 and then this spell to dice you rolled 2d 10 10 and a 4d 4 plus 10 no no no 2d 10 plus so no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Six, twelve. So, thirty-six forty-eight points of damage. You annihilate. Yes!

Let's do it! An awesome one-shot kill! Holy shit! It doesn't explode or anything. No, you just pierce it through in one swing, shocking it with this phase bolt. And then she does that awesome thing with the katana where she just slings off all of the pustule whatever in blood and So that was two actions. So now

Third action, I guess I am just gonna kill Hubert. He's right behind you Kill Hubert while I have him. Oh, that was an accident. Way to go there, brother Aster. Oopsie. You're the best. She's just going to sprint up next to, trip Hubert as I go, next to Barnes.

Oh, I guess it's that on the elf statue. Across from Barnes in case he needs help with this creature. In both Barnes and Eustonson turns you go, hello. Hello, hello. Creepy. And it's Hubert Hedge's turn. Oi, oi, I'm going to give a look at this carcass. Hey, look at you, you're a bit of a cat and a lizard.

My god. And it's the other lizard cat's turn. This thing is going to attack one of the two Barnes. Which one? Actually, you know what it's the other lizard cats turn this thing is going to attack one of the two barns Which one actually know what's gonna do? It's gonna do a fire blast which will hurt both barns barns is double Damn, I don't know how this works, so I'm just gonna tell you It's it's just one when it's a we write. Yes, it's nine. We're trying to beef it up for the when it's AOE, right? Yes.

It's nine... We're trying to beef it up for the audience. Sorry, Joe. He just said actually. Actually? Um, actually? Nine points of fire damage to however many people you take damage. Just the one. Just what? 18 points.

This is so fun. Of damage. I'm gonna great. I'm gonna get a mirror. And I'm just gonna make Brother Ramius all over the place. We can all do that. There's another Brother Ramius. Take a little Barnes dedication.

A little Barnes dedication. Barnes dedication. I was to do up Barnes to you. Oh, it's on Barnes. Do you happen? I'm gonna bite you with my full bab 22 to hit that's a hit About to go down Things gonna have we're gonna start with five points of piercing that first thing does not have the attack trait No, you know it doesn't and it's just an aura around it. I see them traits. It's a five foot emanation Now I need you to roll fortitude safe, are you down after five piercing or no? No, okay, I crit on the last time I rolled this does that matter no Just make sure, nope.

Six, no, it's a natural six for a 13. Okay, that's a big, big difference. All right, so you start like the venom from its bite, you notice your skin starting to blister right around where it bit you on the wrist. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. And they get electricity pustules. And here's what happens.

You are now weak to fire two, which means you'll take two damage again whenever you take fire damage. And you take another four points of piercing as these things start to pop. Now I go to skin. Oh, my God. Gojapers and chips. And it wasn't a crit, so you're just dying one, but the new guy is going down.

What happens, does the other one disappear? Oh boy. All right, so which one disappears? Let's say the one closer to the party stays and the northern one disappears. Okay, oh boy. I thought he said he was out here for months on his own. For real. For real.

Yeah, how is he? For real. Hey, mom, pause. Five characters were facing off against one. I was holding my own against this one for the whole time. You got ghost. And it quit on me. It's round two.

Also, you did that wrong. You should have done the first thing. You should have hit me first and give me the weakness to fire and then... I know, I thought about that. I didn't know if both of you would take damage or not, but, that would have been good if you failed that took the extra fire damage You'd still be dying one his bubbles turn mr. Fire new guy. Oh, yeah, Pugles brother trifles going down Yeah, this there's really Not all I can do right now is fire damage

Because of the oscillating because on oscillate wave so hit Huber with fire, and then I can reboot your frost yeah Actually come on. It'll still do damage. It's just not full We could hold I mean, but they could explode is the problem That was electricity. Oh, right. It's resistant to fire. If you hold, does it oscillate? Or no, because you haven't spent your turn. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hold. Gonna hold, okay. It goes to Zephyr. Zephyr, you've been red hot. Red hot. She's going to move 20 feet. Shneel. Right up to this final existing cat that we know of.

Flurry of blows with the fisty-fist. Flurry of blows with the fisty-fist. Give yourself a plus one from Bless. Flurry of blows. Even though I'm now outside of the 15. You expanded it to 25. I expanded it to 25. Okay, cool.

Flurry of blows with the fisty-fist. Crit it. I expanded it to 25. Okay, cool. Come on, crit it. It's not a crit. It might be. It's 27 to hit. With the bless? Right, 18 plus eight. 26. 26. Yeah, 27.

27 to hit. 27 total, that is a hit. Regular hit. Oh, so close. So close. So there's that one, and then the second one is going to be a natural two, hit. Oh, so close. So close. So there's that one, and then the second one is going to be a natural two, so it's just the one. Okay.

So it's one D6 plus three, minimum damage. Four points of damage, and then we're gonna do a fortitude save again. Or, if you already did one, does it? This is a new one. This is a new one. Yeah. I can do it every single time, right?

That I don't know, but critical success. All right, doesn't matter. If you already did one, this is a new one. This is a new one. I can do it every single time, right? That I don't know, but critical success. All right, doesn't matter. So one, two, got four points of damage in, and just because she's seen the AoE thing happen twice now, she's going to take two steps back. Two steps forward and two steps back. Like a monk, you know, running in, doing damage, stepping back away. In and out, in and out, in and out. Round three, Brother Ramius. Brother Ramius.

Well, I'm gonna go then. Okay. Go ahead. I'm gonna go ahead and do a fiery Frostbite. Okay. So, well, I think actually you would have failed that last save anyway last time but that's neither here nor there given how long it's been okay please give me a fortitude save fortitude save 22 okay that is a yeah basic that's another that's two points of fire damage. So you see it go and just kind of crackles over its body and it doesn't seem to take any damage.

And then I'm going to use, sorry, whatever the fuck my healing thing is. Restore the mind. Restore the mind and on Barnes. Sweet! One point of healing. Restore the mind. Restore the mind and on Barnes. Okay. Sweet. One point of healing. It's all it needed. What do you say to him as a new member of the party? What goes into his mind? In his head.

I, I don't know you very well. Something very scary is about to happen. Please, please don't be afraid. And you get a point of healing. I'm really good at this right now. I'm tear prone. You've dropped your mirror, it's shattered. But you have one hit point.

Where do you find another mirror in the jungle? Where are we gonna find one? Like on another planet. Barnes always travels with backup mirrors. Pockets are full of mirrors. They're mundane. There's so many mirror shards in his pants. Kind of dangerous when you think about it.

See the frame of the broken mirror says, love, Mrs. Barnes. Whoa. Shattered. Oh man. It's Brother Ramies's turn, it's round three. Okay, round three. Broken glass everywhere.

Broken glass everywhere. Watch where you step. Everywhere he looks is a reflection of everything he can't see from all the mirrors scattered around this ground. Be careful there's so many of them! I think he's gonna go on the offensive here and Yeah, I don't know if it's worth Because that fire is just gonna automatically put him down again, so I feel like I'm gonna save my heal just gonna automatically put him down again. So I feel like I'm gonna save my heal. Yeah, he's gonna try to attack the creature

and then hopefully Asta can finish it off before he can fire us. So he will do a Divine Lance. Okay. You're gonna slide over to do that? Why's that? Big head. Big head. Big head in the way.

Buggles was behind the big head. I assumed that it was under, like the big head's over top of us and we have line of sight under it. We don't have line of sight? Buggles was behind the big head. I assumed that it was under Like the big heads over top of us and we have line of sight under it. We don't have line of sight Buggles is there. I allotted for Buggles. That's all I'll allow for you. But yeah, sorry, I just assumed it was like slim statue at the bottom or something taller. Yeah, it's a big one Really long neck. I don't mind moving. I'm sorry. I didn't I'm sorry I was thinking I didn't even look at the map when you said that I just assumed yeah Yeah, now it's now it's much cleaner. You know what I can't I don't want to end up in a place where it can hit all three of us

So I think that's enough that gives me line of effect. Yeah, sure last night All right, so brother Ramies takes a five foot step over and then we'll fire this divine Lance you have a bottle cap. I drove a bottle cap actually and I might use it This goes You have a bottle cap. I do have a bottle cap actually, and I might use it. Natural 20! Oh! Oh, the rain rain! Boom! Boom! This goes all critical. Wow.

This goes right over Barnes. Like, just as he wakes up, you see this white spirit energy go firing over your head. A little spell crit. Do a spell crit before you roll damage. And critical. Oh, fan critical! Yeah, I guess I've been fan critical for so long.

I don't do criticals. Oh, and that's a magic critical. Yeah, this is gonna be fun. All right, this one from Max in San Diego, California. I like the title. Unlimited power. Oh yeah. Deal normal damage.

Okay, Max. Thanks, Max. Thanks a lot, Max. Good try. He should have been called Min. Moving on. I don't even care what the ability is. In addition,

Do you, Oh, Oh, He's looking up. He's looking up to his namesake. Wait a minute. I'm sorry, I gotta go back to the map. Oh, what?

Max, you fucked up. Deal normal damage. In addition, this is out of nowhere deal 1d6 Electricity damage what the target of your spell? Oh shit plus 1d6 Additional damage per two levels of the spell starting at level 2 I don't know what that means it was a cantrip you may choose to use these bonuses up to x times 10 bikes

You may choose to use these bonuses up to X times 10 by, XD10, by accepting the drained one condition as your eyes darken and your flesh pals and withers. Oh, so I can like, I can amp my damn pants. That's cool, that's very cool. You may choose to up these bonuses to a D10 by accepting the drained one condition as your eyes darken and your flesh pal, I'm gonna do that.

Yeah, that's so cool. Hell yeah. Max! I have to, I have to's so cool. Hell yeah. Max! I have to, I have to. Troy's so pissed, Max! Max! It's perfect. In addition, 1d6 electrical damage

and 1d6 additional damage per two levels starting at level two. So that means the lower level spells do not get that other bonus. So it's just 1d10 bonus electricity damage, which is gonna put him down. This is amazing. Wait, so roll your normal damage first, right?

Yeah, so I'm going to reroll my normal damage. It's volatile damage. So normal damage is five spirit. Okay. Five spirit damage. And then let me get my Norse Foundry Joe D10. I've never rolled this. And this is electricity.

Just double reading everything. Big money. This is electricity, double reading everything this is electricity come on four points of electricity damage okay so at that point up here as you hit it with this it now has to roll a fortitude save to see if it can contain its fire blast whatever it was down on a failure the fire goes that will hit brother Ramius is here begins to wither his eyes sink into his head. He's like no So sick of this bullshit And I made the fortitude save exactly whoa, so it does not do the fire blast okay, I've taken that's right barns down again

Okay, all right, but you did a lot of damage. Yeah, that was great That's awesome because it it triggered weakness, right? So it would have triggered additional damage, or does it just trigger the same? Oh, that's right. If it's weakness five, it takes another five damage. It's not five, but yeah, it'll take another five. It's 10?

Oh, so yeah. Oh, it's dead. It died? It's totally alive. I don't know. We actually know what the weakness is. I should know what the weakness is. It's electricity two.

Okay. Oh, okay. That's great. I'll take it. A little two-bone too, a little two-bone. Alive We actually know what the weakness is I should know what the weakness is electricity to Okay, that's that's great. I'll take it a little to bone a little to bone no bone It's Barnes is actually Barnes you went down back. Oh, yeah, but you would move an initiative. That's true Right before the kitty cat. I apologize. I have to reroll my damage. Sorry sloppy sloppy that was lower three I sloppy sloppy that was lower three I rolled a d8 I couldn't tell the difference okay so what's the difference one you took one less damage okay hey Joe just lie I could have rolled higher and I wanted to make sure I had the right time I was just turning out that I know that you're a liar I want to look at all of your die rolls I never lie you can tell because I do bad she was out because

I rarely succeed. Yeah, she was lying. She'd do way better. I'm either a bad liar or I just don't know what I'm doing. That's what someone in the CIA would say. You know me so well. Why don't you ask your handlers what you wrote? I thought that you were going to go before me and I assumed you were going to move away. Should I hold so you can get out of there because I don't want it to explode on you

It only explodes on with electricity. I was gonna maybe shoot. Well, you know, oh you're gonna do electricity damage I was gonna maybe well, you know what? Delay nah, I'll just run up Yeah, I'll just run up. I don't know why you're talking yourself out of it seems like a really good idea No, cuz it's just my Fox fire. It's not a lot of damage. It's like 1d4. It's my right, but he's got one additional two point You additional put two points of damage on there Yeah, but um what you would call it. He does he is prone so he can't just get out of there. It's not that easy All right, I'm just gonna run up. I'm I'm just gonna use my katana all right

I'm going to run up and take a melee attack. Yeah, no question Sure, you have the movement to get into flanking with oh, yeah All right, I'm going to run up and take a melee attack. Can I make a suggestion? Sure. I think you have the movement to get into flanking with it. Oh yeah. So when you get up, it'll be flanking? Sure. Now's the perfect time to use your focus spell. It will not only teleport you there, you get a free strike,

it recharges your spell strike. Oh, I've got a suggestion. Like all those things at once. Bwah, bwah, bwah. Yeah, but also like, we just woke up. And like. You can recharge it in 10 minutes Oh, it's a conflict spell so I can refocus with my focus pull. Yeah 10 minute I forgot it's my conflicts because it's basically once a combat. I don't want to waste it. Okay

Yeah, so I'm gonna do my dimensional assault then which is way more fun, and I Reappear and just stab into the top of the creature And you're still exactly in bless range because I moved reappear and just stab into the top of the creature. And you're still exactly in bless range because I moved exactly. You got the bless and it's off guard. And I have my striking still. Nothing could stop you from hitting this creature.

No. Get it, sis. Such an asshole. Get it. Watch this. Natty 19. Oh! You're so hot!

31. 31, yes! That's a crit! Let the sin be sinned! 19. Oh! You're so critted! 31. Yes! That's a crit! That's a crit! That's a crit! That's a crit! That is a crit!

All right, here we, oh, I got so excited. Here we go, here we go! Here I go, here I go, here I go again. Oh, I forgot you have runic weapon, that's so amazing. Nine, 10, 11, 12, 12, so that's 24. 24, Jesus. 24 points of damage. 24 points of damage.

You annihilate. Yeah! Yeah! Hell yeah. Ah. The body of the lizard cat slumps over Barnes's body and bleeds out. And we'll see you next week.

Yeah! Yeah! We needed this. We did it! We did it! We won the comment! Actually, it was fun. That was fun. That was fun.

That was fun. That was fun. That was fun. Yeah, it would have been fun. It was fun for everyone. Barts, barts, barts, barts, barts, barts, barts. It's fun. It's time to make your membership official.

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