The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 44 – License to Quill

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

The heroes struggle against a bizarre bureaucracy. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/yZPKQqc0k34 This episode was sponsored by Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. See why tabletop gamers everywhere... have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp For all your random number-generating needs, visit Norse Foundry at https://norsefoundry.com For a limited time, use code "GCN" to get a free gift with your Journey Pack! Head to https://tryfum.com to get a free gift with your order today. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/GCN and get 10% off your first month. Get $5 off your next order of delicious cereal at https://magicspoon.com/GCP. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:27 Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon podcast. Rest in an unknown underground cave on another planet. You push this stone wall and it gives rather easily. All right, let's step in. As you walk up ahead, there are mushrooms and fungi of every size and shape.
Starting point is 00:00:57 There's a glow. You realize that it is in fact a shield. It's a magical buckler. Everyone stand back. I'll lift the shield off. Two of the larger mushrooms sprout arms. They're yelling at you. Hurrah, hush, shaman, hurrah!
Starting point is 00:01:13 I will hurl my chakram at the nearer one. Oh yeah. Punch it in its squishy little body. Pah! What are you thinking? He took it off the wall. The dirty thief. They're only trying to protect what's theirs.
Starting point is 00:01:26 Please, we don't mean any harm. He's going to cast Calm. Are you hungry? Yeah, no, they definitely want to eat us. What about those hideous mole six-eyed creatures that we killed? Excellent idea, Brother Ramies. Oh. The barons will go back and get one of the bodies. that we killed. Excellent idea, Brother Ramies. Oh. Barnes will go back and get one of the bodies. Shama.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Shama. Shama. Shama. Ah! Oh. Oh, no, no. We're right. We're right.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Barnes turns the corner. Oh, god. Two creatures. Oh. Oh. Sort of the body of a snake with multiple legs and arms. And they have these pens in a lot of their hands and they sort of scribble along the ground as they come up to you. The adventure continues...
Starting point is 00:02:13 now. I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be Good evening and welcome to the Glass Cannon podcast. What's it all about, Sydney? What is up with the opening? You're making me really worried about the way today's gonna go. You set a real bad route. Why are you so calm? I just wanna know, what's it all about, Kate?
Starting point is 00:03:17 It's about the sauce. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Obviously. Did you drink before we started this episode? And you're just telling us live? You guys aren't sauced as well?
Starting point is 00:03:31 No. I thought you were sauce on the side. This is gonna be fun. What's it all about, Matthew? Earthback Rock? What did you just say? What? It's all about him.
Starting point is 00:03:44 Earthback Rock. What about him? What's it all about? Was that a song of What? It's all about him? Or Backrack? What about him? What's it all about? Was that a song of his? It's a lyric in one of his songs. What's it all about, Skid? NCAA football 25. You're out.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. PlayStation 5. CJ just had a guttural response. In like eight days, CJ, from today, something like that. And yeah. I've literally been waiting 10 years for the game, for the next iteration of this game to come out.
Starting point is 00:04:20 I've never been more excited for anything in my life. I saw a great meme the other day. There was like a picture of NCAA 25. It's like, remember that time when you would just get all your buddies together on a Friday night, order a ton of pizzas, get some Mountain Dew and play this? The time is now. That's happening now. You can do that now. Joe, what's it all about? Cheese. That actually is the definitive answer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:46 Correct answer. Not beef, not Steve. Correct answer was cheese. Thank you everyone. What was the song you- Good night. We were humming a song before the episode and Joe substituted beef and cheese into a instrumental solo and it works perfectly.
Starting point is 00:05:01 And Matthew knew exactly what I was doing. He turned and he was like, that was perfect. What was the song? No, I'm forgetting. Oh, knew exactly what I was doing. He turned and he was like, that was perfect. What was the song? No, I'm kidding. Oh, it was Live and Let Die. Oh, yes. It was.
Starting point is 00:05:10 It was the instrumental part of Live and Let Die. Were you like, beef and cheese, beef and cheese. Beef and cheese. It was like da da da, da da da, da da da da da, eatin' beef and cheese. Yes. Eatin' beef and cheese. Ba da da, ba da da. Beef and cheese.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Beef and cheese. I was like, beef and cheese. I was da. Oh my God. Beef and cheese. Beef and cheese. Beef and cheese. I was like, you reached a new pinnacle of artistic exploration. Oh God. God. I mean, that episode came out right before the retreat and the number of people that
Starting point is 00:05:37 were like doing that at the retreat. It's like infectious. Infectious. Yeah. So are we supposed to ask you? No, no, no. This isn't about me. It's about you.
Starting point is 00:05:49 I still didn't get an answer from you. You deflected. It was hard. She was the first one. What was the question? It's an all-embranced hit. It's an all about. I guess just staying alive till I die.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Yeah, dark, real. Yeah, is that what you wanted, Troy? Did you want it to get real today? Will you be buried or burned or displayed? Displayed. Or, put on a lens? Do you know about my plan? I do know what you're planning.
Starting point is 00:06:20 I think I talked about this. She talked about this. Yeah, she did. Or the third choice behind door number three is displayed in a museum. Or the fourth choice, encased in a sack of mushroom spore. That's a thing. Or you turn into a tree, you turn into a mushroom.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Oh, that's cool. It's very apt, too, for this. What, Troy? Let me ask you. If you were displayed in a museum, we came and just burned your body and then buried the case, you'd get the benefit of all three.
Starting point is 00:06:48 Why would you do that? It'd be fun. Because burning shit's great. It would be really satisfying. Yeah. Pretty awesome, actually. You would be able to say you had all three. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:58 What's the most satisfying part? Is it the breaking into the museum or is it the burning of the body? Burning Sydney's body would just be amazing. We could sever your hand and plant it where we buried you, and then perhaps a tree would grow from that. Like from your little finger. Like a finger tree.
Starting point is 00:07:12 The whole, then you get all three thing, it feels like a devil's bargain where you get to live forever because you outwit the devil. If you die by this or you die by this, then I get your soul, but I'd be free, because you would do all three. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:26 Cool. There's no way out for you. The devil is claiming your soul. Oh. Yeah. Did he tell you that? No, I just can tell by your actions. Don't tempt her with a good time.
Starting point is 00:07:39 I mean, if that's going to be the end, then you might as well have some fun. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Is that what it's all about? You asking me? He said dramatically. Troy, what's it all about?
Starting point is 00:07:55 I recently found out, but I'm not gonna tell you. What? You found out what it's all about. You found out what it's all about? And I'm not gonna tell you. Can you tell us what it's all about. You found out what it's all about. And I'm not going to tell you. Can you tell us what it is? Wait. No.
Starting point is 00:08:09 That seems like a no. This is the weirdest vibe we've ever had for an episode I have to say. I feel like you're like leading us to something weird within the game. Like you're mentally preparing us as people for some horror in the game. You don't think so? No. I can tell. He's not thinking ahead at all.
Starting point is 00:08:26 I don't think he knew what he was gonna say when he opened his mouth. He just said something. That's my bet. Yeah, based on, yeah. I think he was as surprised as any of us at this table. Yeah. Based on your coy little smile, I think,
Starting point is 00:08:43 this kid's right. Prep, let's play more. Yeah, exactly, dude. I say. I think this kid's right. Prop less, play more. Yeah, exactly, dude. What's going on with your shirt? Oh, since last episode, I decided to take things into my own hands. My fate, if you will. My fate at the table. Her shirt says, I did my best. Did you make that yourself?
Starting point is 00:09:06 Would you find that at a yard sale? It's got a retro vibe. Is it faux retro or is it real? It's created. I bought it online. It was used. It looks like you found it in the lost and found at Action Park. Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Wait, you bought it, that was used? Yeah. Someone else wore that? Yes. How much does that was used? Yeah. Someone else wore that? Yes. How much, how much does that go for? I don't know, I think I bought this for like 15, 10 bucks. When did you buy it?
Starting point is 00:09:31 When? Yeah. Last week. Oh wow, so you really. It's a brand new used t-shirt. Yeah, it's a new shirt for me. It's my first time wearing it out and it felt so right to wear it to the table with you all
Starting point is 00:09:43 because you're so mean to me. I've never seen a shirt that's an excuse before. Yeah, it's kind of just like, I don't have to answer anymore. Yeah, it's preempting. No matter what, I did my best. What if your best sucks, though? I did my best. What do you do?
Starting point is 00:09:58 What do you do? I did my best. She already brought it up pre-show, because we do silence to get room tone. Literally, the only thing you have to do is not move or speak. You can breathe just fine. You don't have to do anything.
Starting point is 00:10:14 You have to just do nothing. And I'm just sitting here doing nothing, and I just hear like, pop. And she's doing some shit down on the floor. She like chucked something onto the floor. Yeah, she threw something on the floor. And I look at her, and I'm just trying to still be quiet. And I'm like, ugh.
Starting point is 00:10:31 And she just moves the mic out of the way. This raises, I did my best. The back of her shirt says, sometimes your best isn't good enough. Wait, does it really? No. That was good, Kate. I need to add that.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Maybe I will make this a custom shirt now, and I'll slowly just add something to the right sleeve, to the left sleeve. Something to say to Kate, something to say to Skip. Yes, no. I've become like a Magic 8-Ball. Yeah, then you can sell it to someone else and they can keep adding to it.
Starting point is 00:10:58 That hot used t-shirt market. Yeah. I can't believe you got a used t-shirt. You've never been to a thrift store? It's not that weird. No. You've never been to a thrift store? It's not that weird. No. You've never been to a thrift store? It would be weird for Troy, but it's not that weird.
Starting point is 00:11:08 It's one new hat. He would not do it. I only wear stuff that came from a brewery. That's true. Shirt and hat, apparently. My shirt is from a Dallas brewery, and this is from a Maine brewery. You know, Deep Ellum, I just said, you know, they shot Robocop in Ellum. Really? In Texas?
Starting point is 00:11:22 Yeah, in Texas. Deep Ellum was just bought out by Anheuser-Busch for a set. Good for them. We had good tots there. We had great tots. They were a lote tots. A lote tots. That's right.
Starting point is 00:11:32 Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. That sounds good. Lote. Really good. It's a good time. I think I had COVID. You did?
Starting point is 00:11:38 I think I was. For that one. I wasn't there. No, no, we, we, we'd gotten them twice because they were, we went to both trips. Oh, we got them twice. That sounds like us. The same brewery, same appetizer one year later.
Starting point is 00:11:49 We were the time we were in Atlanta and we went to the same place for lunch, like three times in a row. Oh, the taco place. It was like the best tacos we've ever had was in Atlanta. Remember they had Nashville fried chicken tacos and they were like out of this world. It was like in the middle of nowhere.
Starting point is 00:12:02 Yeah. We had to like take a car just to get to this place. We were staying in the middle of nowhere and we had to take a car. We went, but we kept going back. Yeah, it was great in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, like take a car just to get we were saying no nowhere I mean take a car we went but we kept going back. Yeah, it was great. It was so good Then lunch it was like a restaurant, but also you could sit there and watch college football like couches and shit That was great huge outdoor area mini golf. Yeah, there was something out there or something like Watchy, it's fun. Yeah, We have a good time. We get tots. Sometimes we get tots, and maybe that's what it's all about.
Starting point is 00:12:29 We just head out. We just go, what? What are you guys talking about? What, you want to join in on the conversation? I want to play a scary game where scary stuff is happening, because you're freaking me out, and I'm getting nervous. Put down the knife. What are you nervous about?
Starting point is 00:12:48 Cindy, we just got out of it. He's making such direct eye contact. I feel like if I look away, something bad will happen. Help, Troy. Don't. Try it. Look at me really quick. Look away. Joe, help me. Really quick. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I broke free of it. Wow. That was really scary. What you did was lost. Oh. You lost. I lost. And maybe that's what it's...
Starting point is 00:13:14 We'll be back right after this. He's been trying to get to that break. She did her best. Did you know, my nash friends, that flavored air is quickly becoming the leading alternative to vaping and smoking? It is a whole new movement towards better habits, and it is led by one of the sponsors of the GCP, Fume. Trying Fume is your first step towards taking your vape and just casting disintegrate on it. Get that bad habit out of your life by turning it into a good habit.
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Starting point is 00:15:18 But I do find myself falling into the traps that we all hear about, right? You see things on there, you get caught up in it, you start to wish, oh, I wish my life were that shiny and that, you know, perfect or whatever. Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy. And it's really easy to envy other people's lives. It's just easy to do that.
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Starting point is 00:16:27 We're back, everybody. Big shout out to our squeaky mic stand. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. You know, the episodes of Giant Slayer recorded on this. Oh, man, this is very mic stand. Why upgrade until it breaks, just like my jeans. I'll wear them until they fall off. Big shout out to our sponsors, Foundry VTT
Starting point is 00:16:46 and Norse Foundry. Foundry VTT. Man, stay tuned. We got some pretty exciting information coming up. Oh, you can't even, don't even think about it. One of those sponsors. Still courting a third sponsor. Hi Noon. Did you get my email? Hi Noon. Hi Noon. It's coming, maybe Dunkin's. America runs on Dunkin's, but how about the Glass Cannon podcast runs on Dunkin's? We took Mira out to the park on one of those abysmally hot days this weekend, and we were coming back and she was hot,
Starting point is 00:17:17 we were all hot, it was awful, and then we were trying to figure out a way to, let's just find somewhere where we can get something cold to drink. And she was miserable and she was crying, and I was like, why don't we just go to Dunkin' Donuts? And her mood just like, let's just find somewhere where we can get something cold to drink. And she was miserable and she was crying. And I was like, let's just, why don't we just go to Dunkin' Donuts? And her mood just broke.
Starting point is 00:17:27 And she just went, I want to Dunk a donut. Oh. Did you give her a donut? Yeah. It's one of the greatest places in the world. Magic. Last week, you continued your exploration of this underground labyrinth.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Found a secret door after you rested. You went through said secret door, found a magical shield hanging on the wall, glowing like an ever-burning torch to light up a mushroom field. As you took the buckler off the wall, two of the mushrooms came to life yelling at you in a language you did not understand with no ability to comprehend their language. Might be something you want to learn. Next level up. Maybe buy a scroll.
Starting point is 00:18:13 And so they started fighting you. Barnes drew first blood, threw a fucking chakra. What was it? Chakra? Chakra. Hit the wall behind him, but game time. Spores come out, throwing spores. And then finally, Brother Ramious, who goes last in the initiative, comes up and says,
Starting point is 00:18:32 what are you people doing? Cast calm and they get very, very sad and dejected. And it's clear that they just want to eat. They want to eat something. They wanted to eat. They wanted perhaps to eat you. And you were like, well, you can't do that. We'll go get a corpse in the other room. You gave it to them. They seem really cool. It's very strange encounter. Worked out well. It was a very, very odd vibe to that as well.
Starting point is 00:18:57 Yeah, I thought that they were, I guess, a little bit more intelligent than that. I don't know. I thought that they were like guarding the shield. Just because once you bought some drugs from some. I see him in my dreams, man. But at the end of the day, you didn't need to fight them. That was clear and you were right on the nose there. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of got the sense that we didn't need to fight them. And you know, anytime we can avoid hurting ourselves or getting hurt is good. So it reminded me later after the fact, after we finished recording, I remembered a casting
Starting point is 00:19:27 of calm emotions. Do you remember this? Well, I was thinking about it when you did it. Back in the day. Yeah. So back in the day, there was a casting, a famous casting of calm emotions during a game I was running at the Council of Thieves game. And I was thinking about your interpretation.
Starting point is 00:19:40 I was like, holy shit, I kind of did the same thing in retrospect. Cause basically the calm, the way that I interpreted it was the guy who they calmed went into a state of like pure, like nihilism basically, and cared about nothing or no one while also at the same time being like incredibly depressed that all of his friends were dead because like they had just killed all of his friends and then they calmed him down. And he just kept being like, what's the point? What's the point in anything? And they were like, they were like trying to interrogate him and he was like, it doesn't matter if you get the answer.
Starting point is 00:20:14 It's like all my friends have been murdered. You're probably going to kill me. Everything. It was so I was, it was, it was very memorable. I, yeah. It's a way you do. I was like, actually I did the same exact thing. I'm like melancholy. Yeah, who cares about it It's not as fun to interpret it like they were one way. Let's have them go the complete opposite, right? Yeah, but that was fun I prepared that spell specifically for this dungeon thinking that like oh really yeah
Starting point is 00:20:40 Because they said that there were these ancient guardians down there I don't know if it would work on ancient guardians if they were like constructs or something like that. But I also thought that there might be things down here that think we are enemies that we're trying to not fight because they're just trying to preserve the souls of these elves. And so I was like, we're the intruders, right? So like, this is a neat spell. So I prepared that.
Starting point is 00:21:00 That's cool that you've prepared it for this, like thinking that might be helpful. Yeah. Instead, you deployed it on some mushrooms. Yeah, on some mushrooms. Yeah, on some shrooms, which I was not expecting. Got you out of an encounter, but then you continue walking around the bend here with your new magical buckler in tow. Is that still shining light?
Starting point is 00:21:18 It is. Can I have retroactively say I did a knowledge check on it to see what it actually can do? Sure, give me an Arcana, John. All right, I'm gonna use Esoteric Lore and take the penalty. Okey-dokey, 25. 25, it is a Glamorous Buckler. A Glamorous Buckler?
Starting point is 00:21:38 Yes, a Glamorous Buckler. Glamorous Buckler. Is lavishly decorated with gilding and inset gemstones that glitter in the light When you have it raised the glamorous buckler grants you a plus one item bonus to deception checks to faint You can also with one action you can activate it once per day and the trigger is after you faint If you faint Fe I NT is after you faint, if you faint, F-E-I-N-T, just in case you weren't sure.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Oh, thanks. That's not rude. You trigger. I was gonna faint for my first action. The requirements, you have to have the glamorous buckler raised and the trigger is you faint. The effect, as you faint, the glamorous buckler sparkles mightily on a successful faint,
Starting point is 00:22:21 the target is dazzled for one round. But in addition to that, this particular one that was hanging on the wall had been enchanted to burn like an ever-burning torch. Oh, wow. So it is just always on. It is just... I'll look to make sure, see what the intention was here and kind of make a ruling. But as it says here, it has been enchanted to glow like an ever-burning torch.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Very cool. So yeah, I would say that you could probably, if you want, stow it backwards to block the light and if you were trying to be stealthy, but for the most part, I think it just keeps going. Do we want to roll for it, deal with that later? No, you just, you should. I don't want it.
Starting point is 00:23:03 It's permanent, it's permanent. Okay, I'll hold on. I don't know it's permanent permanent. Okay. Oh, that's your it's I mean bonded It actually it actually called in well. It's it tuned or Noah when you pick up an item And it's like you have it and you can't you can't give us have a word. I don't remember that on it It's not bonded, but it's something else. It's as soon as you pick it up. Nobody else can have it. Oh, that's fun. Yeah Austin wants to sell it but I kind of I'm all over it I have a I can cast a shield spell so I probably will sell it as well I want to sell as well but I'll obviously split the funds with the group because I'm not you know reckless thief
Starting point is 00:23:38 can you two hand with a buckler because you wear it on your arms you can like yes you hand a weapon but and hold your buckler you just don't get the bonus days know if you can two hand a weapon you do You can have a free hand when you can hold you can hold a light object in your buckler hand and use it Which I'm interpreting to me as I can hold my implement Maybe not a light weapon For a second no light object it says so you can't do is it bulk L or is it? Cat that's what light object means yeah, so there might be weapons that are light if they have the it yeah, I think you could I think you could two-handed You just don't get the bonuses. No. No, I don't think there's any two-handed light weapons
Starting point is 00:24:14 Ah, yeah, it would be like holding like a dagger You don't get any bonuses to two-handing something like you you used to get like extra damage if you to do I don't I was then there would be a benefit of it. Yeah, actually, they are, there are some, I know like with the Bastard Sword, there's a different damage die for using it one-handed. Right, and that's with the Kitana for Asta. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:36 It's 1d6 with one hand, 1d10 with two hands. 1d10 with two, and it's versatile. I feel like the shield is so specific in what we'd use it for, and it's so pretty inexpensive. Let's sell it. Yeah, it's all let us unbind it from you I'm gonna use it for now if you don't mind. Okay, don't ruin it. Sounds like she might yeah If you dig it all up nobody's gonna buy it. Yeah, don't break any of the gemstones Don't get it wet You walk into this next room you see there are feed it after midnight
Starting point is 00:25:10 There are papers everywhere covering the walls, scrolls, parchments, books, and two little creatures that have the body of a snake, but with several arms and legs and they're holding quills and pens and number their hands and they are in fact holding martinis and drinks as well and they come they've come sidling up sloshing these drinks pointing their pens at you. Once again they look like this they have looks like five eyes three on top of their head all stacked on one top of each other, and then two where normal eyes would be, really wide mouths atop their diamond shaped heads. And their bodies kind of is like reptilian. Yeah, it's very snake-ish. Like it ends in a tail, a snake tail.
Starting point is 00:25:57 But yeah. And I would say with long legs, but it's like long arms, because each one of them has like a five digit like hand. Right. It seems like all the legs are arms and so that comes crawling up on a number of those to you and there's two of them that you can see and they kind of speak over each other looking at you. They say, oh, hi, oh, how are you? You, you, how you.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Hello, we come on behalf of, what's the, I'm blanking on where we were. Gentheel. Gentheel. We come on behalf of Gentheel. Gentheel, Gentheel. They start writing. Son of Iscariot. Son of Iscariot, we seek an audience with Ascariot.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Yeah. With Ascariot, what is your name, your name? Theomacus Barnes. Theomacus Barnes, you. Zephyr. Zephyr. Zephyr Vellos. Vellos, how do you spell that?
Starting point is 00:27:00 The last name? Yeah. V-E-L-O-S. And the first name? Z-E-B-H-E-R. Y-R. Y-R, shit. You spelled your own name.
Starting point is 00:27:09 No, I was trying so hard. I was gonna say, oh no, oh no, oh no. I was gonna say, I've been spelling it wrong. Embarrassing. What's your name? Asta. Asta, any family name? You there, sir.
Starting point is 00:27:23 Turns to buckles Buggles. Buggles. Just Buggles. He's just trembling, he's like so... He's so scared. You're in the front. He's in the front. I know. I did not expect that. Barnes addressed you kind of with his hand on your shoulder, standing behind you.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Buggles turns back to you when Buggles, Buggles, Buggles. And you. Buckles. Buckles. He turns back to the one, buckles, buckles, buckles. They're right in the hooves in the back. He just walked up to the front, like to next to Theomachus Barnes as he wants to kind of like see what these, where these voices are coming from. All their eyes kind of blink at different times. I am Brother Ramius of Latria. And he's looking at the, like they're writing it on a piece of parchment. Yeah, like any of their hands at any one time is writing on something, writing on the floor,
Starting point is 00:28:08 writing on paper that another hand is holding. What are they drinking? Look it's there's some sort of brown liquid in most of the glasses one of them looks like maybe a Dar... I mean Castrovallian bourbon. Is there a sherry in it? But they'll be drinking as they're writing and writing on surfaces, writing on the walls as well. Brother, what is that?
Starting point is 00:28:27 What is a brother? It is a title. It is a title. I'm a cleric of sorts, a priest. I don't understand. I don't understand. I'm a father of Gruhasta. Gruhasta, what is Gruhasta?
Starting point is 00:28:35 Gruhasta, you know not of Gruhasta. Gruhasta is some kind of god. Keeper, yes. God who watches over you. Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper,asta, you know, not. Grahasta. Grahasta, some kind of god. Keeper, yes. Ah. God who watches over us all. We come from very, very far away. Oh, very far away, where do you come from?
Starting point is 00:28:56 Well, I... Another planet. Another planet. Another planet, another planet, Galarian, Galarian, yes, yes. Have you heard this name before? Yes, I have, yes, we have, yes. What are your names?
Starting point is 00:29:06 I am Jarvis, and this is Woodaby. Woodaby, and this is Jarvis. And are you... what is your role here? Yes, we are the secretaries, secretaries to the gardeners. Yes. Do you have an appointment? We don't, but it is a matter of great urgency. Oh, they don't have an appointment. They don't have an appointment. No appointment. No, but we need to speak to Iscrayel to talk about the... a Soyo, the curse?
Starting point is 00:29:39 Soyo, the curse. Oh, you don't know that. Do you have an appointment? Yes. Oh. Yes, may I see the appointment? Yes. I lost it. Oh, then you don't have an appointment. I did. Could we make an appointment?
Starting point is 00:29:54 Oh, why? Could they make an appointment? Could they make an appointment? Could they make an appointment? It's possible. We could also wait for a walk-in first available. No. No? Yes, perhaps we could do that as well. We could also wait for a walk-in first available. No. No?
Starting point is 00:30:05 Yes, perhaps we could do that as well. Oh, we can, we can settle this. Perhaps we can just ask you a few questions and make sure everything is above board, above board, and then we will be able to pass on that information and perhaps secure you an appointment. Yes. What is happening with this talking that you're doing? Are they both talking at the same time?
Starting point is 00:30:25 Yeah, they're kind of talking over each other and like referring to each other and repeating and kind of saying the same things. Okay. What are you doing? What are you doing? You missed that key part. What is this talking? I love how like maybe half of us are really into it and Josh is like, what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:30:42 I don't like this. Who are you? No, no, no. No, it's great happening? I don't like this. Who are you? No, no, no, it's great. I just wanted to get a better sense of what exactly, are they both saying identical things all the time? Or does sometimes one say something the other doesn't? Yeah, yeah, if I was two people, this would be great.
Starting point is 00:30:56 Are they, is one of them? I would say for years, you're the second guy up there with you. Is one of them medium size and the other small? No, they're both the same size. They're both small. I'll refresh. Can Asta, as we've walked into the room now, we're talking to them, we're like, yeah, we'll
Starting point is 00:31:16 answer questions. Can Asta do a, can I do a thievery check to look around in the papers to see if there is any identifiable like what the appointment would look like? Perception. Perception? Okay. Really likes once you see it lately. Yeah I'm good at thievery. I'm just wondering when can I pick pocket an appointment. This river up ahead. I use thievery to swim across it. I'm gonna steal my way across. Who cares? It doesn't matter. She's doing her best. I rolled a six. I tried my best. I did my best. I rolled a six. You like put your arm on the table and hit your head on
Starting point is 00:31:54 Oh my god. But I guess my best wasn't good enough Wow. Live up to it. Wow. But I guess my best wasn't good enough I love you, Steve. Very impressive. Wow, live update! Wow! Oh look, a small bird! I love his big eyes! Very impressive. So amazing.
Starting point is 00:32:09 We just need some basic information. Um, to secure you an appointment. Where were you born? You. Oh, sorry. Brother Ramius, follower of Rastro-Rastro-Latria, yes. The Shadow Isle. The Shadow Isle.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Where's that? It's in the ocean. The ocean. On Galarian. An island surrounded by water. Where's that? It's in the ocean. The ocean. Hi. An island surrounded by water. Sorry, if you don't know the planet, how could I know that it's there? No, no, this is all very important.
Starting point is 00:32:31 And you, without the armacus, Barnes, where were you born? I was born in a small village, Ust-A-Lav. Ust-A-Lav. What was the village called? Fielders Crossing. Fielders Cross, Fielders Crossing, sounds lovely. Why does it seem like you're lying? Because the person robing Barnes right now had to make that up on the spot.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Fielders Crossing is a good name. That's pretty good. And you, Zephyr Velos, the one who can't spell her name. I was born in Silver Strand Harbor. Silver Strand Harbor. Where is that near water? Yeah, it's a coastal trade town in Eurasia. Coastal trade town.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Do you have parents? Yeah, yep, I do. Where were you born? Elyrian. What's that? Elyrian. I don't know what you're saying. Elyrian.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Elyrian. Is that a place, or is it a state of mind? No, it's a place, it's in the Verduran forest. Verduran forest, there are trees there, yes? Yes. Oh, there are trees there, there are trees there. There are trees there. Many, many trees.
Starting point is 00:33:27 How do you spell it? Elyrian? I don't think that's a word. E-L-U-R-I-A-N. Oh, look at that. Elyrian. And you, where are you from? I am from the Madam's House.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Vagos is from the Madam's House. Is that some sort of great continent? It was a house that belonged to five mistress. You're from a house? I was raised there. I lived there. But, silence up to you. But where was this house?
Starting point is 00:34:02 It was far away in a place beyond the gate. What was that place called? It was called my madam's house. Do any of you know where he's from? No, and I don't see its importance here. Why are we being interrogated on these matters? Just a couple more questions and then we'll move forward. What were your parents' names?
Starting point is 00:34:25 Can I roll a perception around the room to make sure, like, they're not setting us up for something horrible? It's because we don't have an appointment, Brother Remius. I don't understand why my parents' names have been relevant. Did you wet the bed as a child? 23 perception. 23 perception. Um...
Starting point is 00:34:43 It kind of feels like they are not who they say they are. And just kind of keeping you here, but you don't know to what end. What is your oldest member? There's a door to the south. Barnes is going to start walking towards the door. Oh no, you can't. No, they back out. I'm sorry, I need to use the restroom. They scuttle back on their hands. Oh no, you can't go in there.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I need to use the restroom, sorry. Oh no, there's no bathroom in there. Sorry, why can't I pass through that way? Because that way is barred to only people who have an appointment, but as I said, we can secure you. Well, let us make an appointment. Yes, just a few more questions. I'm gonna open the door. Are your parents living and they attack? Oh man!
Starting point is 00:35:28 Bro! Bro! Theomachus! Theomachus! Just getting the job done. Instead of sitting around dilly dallying, why don't we just fight and kill? A man of action. I wanted to answer their questions.
Starting point is 00:35:44 Yeah, I was having fun. I was not about to turn over my social security number. Yeah We're simply asking for your earliest memory and the names of your parents and whether or not you wet the bed Yeah, it's a child just don't understand this basic questions first date stuff. You know what it's interesting on some paperwork like name date of birth, social security, the doctor's office, you make it through, and then it's like allergies, did you hit the bed? Earliest memory. You've been lulled into a forest ball,
Starting point is 00:36:11 sent to some place. Oh, at one point, like, yes? One time? I have? You check yes. I still do. And then you write like, but only once. I was a child. It was weeks ago.
Starting point is 00:36:23 Yes, but that was weeks ago. It was weeks ago. That was weeks ago. It was weeks ago. And it wasn't pee. Zephyr, what's your odds? Oh God, oh they got that, threw me off. 13. 13. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, 16. Oh, much better.
Starting point is 00:36:39 For Zephyr, what about Brother Ramious? 25. 25 for Brother Ramious? 25. 25 for... Brother Ramu. Okay, Buggles? Uh, also 25. There he goes! Okay, Barnsy?
Starting point is 00:36:52 Natural 1. Oh, you didn't! Or an 8. Oh, wow, so you're distracted going for the door. Man, my hands on the doorknob, it was very distracting. C'mon! Ah, so you've turned your back. Uh, Dirty 20.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Dirty 20! Fills your back. Dirty 20. Dirty 20. Fills the hole. Oh, that dirty 20. All right, a rare one here. Brother Ramius with a 25 goes first. Oh, all right, so Barnes seems to trigger them to attack. All right, so he is going to just go on instinct here and pray for the intercession of the Keeper
Starting point is 00:37:24 to help us all and cast Bless. Immediately give everybody a plus one to hit if they are within 15 feet of him. Nice. And then, but one of these creatures is right next to him so he's going to use his third action to cast Shield. Just bring a Shield up in front of himself. Okay, there's Bless for you. Looks like everybody, right?
Starting point is 00:37:44 Yes, my Bless was for you. like everybody right yes my bless was no losses Outside of the bless you know what I'm sorry. Let me just just real quick You guys can see the thing so I've got this crossbow that is you know where'd you get that from? Thank you, it's awesome for me It's mine. Yes, the rune is Barnes. No I believe that's what I remember. Mm-hmm So he has this crossbow, but the crossbow I mean it needs to be shot two-handed right? Yes But I can take a hand off of it in order to cast shield right?
Starting point is 00:38:22 Yeah, you know if you have to spend an action though to restore a hand to your weapon. I think that's what... Yeah. Release is a free action. Releasing is free and then... But then grasping is an action. Or was but free remastered. Yeah, I don't know what it is now.
Starting point is 00:38:38 I think it might be. I'll look it up. But for now I'm going to release and cast shield. Boom! And this bluish magical shield comes up between him and the creature that is right next to him in melee. Scary Cool yeah, I'm trying to find what that was like change grip or something. That's not change grip though. You're like releasing I'll look at it. I'm curious. I'll dig in. Alright great. So you didn't cast an offensive spell. Correct. Okay great It's now Buggles turn you You guys a couple you rolled higher. Buggles...
Starting point is 00:39:09 Oh boy. Yeah, okay, Buggles is going to with trembling hand cast Frostbite on the creature closest to me. So please give me a Fortitude save. All right, I'll get a little, actually no, I won't get a bonus for its Fortitude because it's not an attacking spell. All right, so that's gonna be a 16.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Ah, that's a fail. Nice. Nice. Okay, so six points of frost damage. Okay. And then I will also raise a shield. Okay. Uh-oh. What's going on here?
Starting point is 00:39:51 He's thinking real hard over there. He's been acting weird all episode. I know. Now he's starting to smile. He's been trying to throw us off with these characters who are not who they say they are. Okay, no, we're good. Okay, it's Asta's turn.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Okay. Asta is going to move up. Now I move into the Aura of Bless, correct? So I can get that effect? Yes. And I am going to Spellstrike. Yeah, there you go. I'm going to cast Slashing Gust. Or no, you know what? Let me do Gouging Claw as I go in for the attack. So here I go with my Katana. And I whiff.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Oh, come on. Wait, say it. So 13, there's no way that hits. I don't even know why you said it. Oh, sorry, wait, wait, wait, sorry. A 14, thanks for the bless, Joe. So I crit, right? Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:43 All right, so that's my full turn. 13 was a miss, but 14 was a crit. You see all this energy, and then they're just tiny little guys, and she just misses. All right, it's Witherbee's turn. Witherbee is the one that was hit. The name of the characters.
Starting point is 00:40:59 Oh no, I forgot, I wrote Bartholomew. Why did I write Bartholomew? Witherbee and Jarvis. I got Jarvis I'm sorry this is not the one that was hit this is the one that is nearest to bonds all right let's get stupid what is happening here it comes It comes a martini in your face It's already adjacent to Barnes in this little square here, so it's just kind of like stabs you with its pen Oh, oh, oh, oh, right in the eyeballs like a hit you with a fountain pen. It's a 20 to hit That is it hit exactly the same exact thing last episode
Starting point is 00:41:43 Say exact you didn't raise your shield? I haven't gone yet. All right, a couple things are gonna happen. Six piercing damage as the fountain pen goes into your skin. And then I need you to roll a... Oh yeah, no, you're gonna take 1d4 persistent poison damage from the ink inside it. Oh wow, it's poison ink!
Starting point is 00:42:08 And when a creature taking the damage attempts to take an action with the concentrate check, it must make a DC5 flat check or the action is disrupted. Wow, so cool! Something in the ink that is like throwing you off. Alright, so that was... 1d4 poison? Mm-hmm. Okay. that is like throwing you off. All right, so that was- One D for poison. Mm-hmm. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:28 And then it will do the same thing to Brother Ramius there. Ruh-roh. Ruh-roh. No, please. All right, with the map, that is going to be a 20, 20, dirty 20. Wow, with the map.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Excuse me, 22. Yeah, that's a hit. Oof. All right, 22. I am going to do a shield block. 20 dirty 20 Wow with the math excuse me 22 All right, 20 choose I am going to do shield block Okay, so it would be six points of piercing. Yeah, so I will Reduce it by five and shatter the shield shield is gone. And do you take one? I take one. Okay, and then give me a Fortitude no, no, I'm sorry. No for to save I save I said the same thing. It's just 1d4 persistent poison So you'll take poison you'll take boys. Oh, there's no safe. Yeah, it says The creature persistent poison. Yeah
Starting point is 00:43:15 Brutal and then it It is going to move down one space. I keep having this target thing on, I'm gonna shut this off. Move down one space to stand next to Barnsey. Okay. And it is Zephyrstern. All right, if I move up to this corner right here between Bugles and Asta, can I reach the top guy,
Starting point is 00:43:44 which I think is Jarvis? Oh, yeah Yeah, you're right next to him. Cool. I wasn't sure cuz he's small. He's in like the yeah He basically he can he's he's in every space in that square, but he's right one square away from you all right move up one spot and Blurry of flows. Yeah With my plus one from my plus. Let's go. So that's a 20 for the first one. Yeah, yeah, and the second one. 24. Two hits.
Starting point is 00:44:20 So fortitude save please. Fortitude save is a 25. That's fine. And then so with the two hits on Whoo-hoo. Oh wait so much so much math nine 14 points of damage 14 points of damage awesome. Yeah about this little guy and it asking all these questions and they're not being mean she just Runs up kicks him in the chest Spills all this wine shut up And you still got some actions left oh shoot, okay. Yeah, right with my last action. I'm going to get away
Starting point is 00:45:05 Oh shoot, okay yeah right with my last action I'm going to get away. Bye. Uh, cause I don't want to be stabbed with poison. Okay you pull back away after doing some damage. It is now Jarvis's turn. Jarvis is right next to Ramius and Asta. He's going to go and stab at Asta. That is a 19 to hit. Miss. Misses with a 19 is gonna try and stab again. 16 misses. Let's go for the trifecta here.
Starting point is 00:45:33 And just miss miss miss. Let me just make absolutely sure here. Yeah, 16 would miss on the end. So stab, stab, stab, and you're just dodging back and forth. Three misses, and last for the round is the Amicus Barnes. Okay, I'll exploit Vulnerability. Terrible, 18. Okay, so you get one real, one fake if you hit it. So it's a failure?
Starting point is 00:46:00 No, it's a success. That's a success. Yeah. Okay, no, so then I get their highest weakness. Okay, it's a success. That's a success. Yeah. Okay. No, so that's so then I get their their highest weakness Okay, it has no weakness So I'll end up so then those that has a 17 compared to the recall knowledge. Do you see 17 or 18? You said 18 18. It's good. I like it. All right, so then I get then I get a piece of I get a piece of information These information, okay
Starting point is 00:46:22 These are creatures known as scale scribes so cool interesting Yeah, they're like chroniclers All right, why the heck were they lying to us? Well, they're just well, they're like deceiving trying to stall us. Yeah, they're just literate goons They are spell casters Trying to give you something good here. Do they have any resistances or that's an easy one? No. No, they don't have anything.
Starting point is 00:46:54 They get a plus two status bonus on saves versus linguistic effects. Oh, interesting. I'll try to keep that in mind. Okay. You could also give... So like the comm... Don't just go off of Professor Eric. When all else fails, you can give the lowest saving point. Uh, yeah, fortitude.
Starting point is 00:47:11 That's good. Piece of useful information. That's true. Yeah, for comm... Oh yeah. Or charm. Charm. Okay, I will now use the exploit vulnerability. I will go for its use the exploit vulnerability. I'll attempt I will Go for its personal weakened a personal antithesis
Starting point is 00:47:28 And I will attack with kukri kukri terrible Miss Okay Can't wait for him to have that rune. Rolling. That would have helped. Good one. That's a notch in the no column. Did you?
Starting point is 00:47:49 Did you hit on your turn with that spell strike there, Asta? Oh my gosh. Oh my god. This would be so much fun. We should have, we should track it and be like the first one of you that gets to like ten hits or something. I'm tracking it right now. Ten successful hits gets the rune.
Starting point is 00:48:06 Oh, that's fun. That would be so fun. That would be so fun. So, you both missed. Neither of us, okay. Neither of us. Starting at zero. I don't know if 10 is too many, but.
Starting point is 00:48:18 No pointy ears, that's scoring me! Okay, Barnes is going, no that would be a terrible idea. So I'm just gonna attack again, this guy I'm down here with. Okay. Okay, that's going to know that would be a terrible idea. So I'm just gonna attack again at this guy I'm down here with okay Okay, that's a little better 18 to hit 18 hits This is great little mini-game, yeah, you have to earn the room takes a real gambler to come up with this idea Parlay with this Sydney we saying five on me. What's your bonus to hit?
Starting point is 00:49:03 It's about the dice. Honestly. Yeah, it is about the dice. Twelve points of damage. Twelve points of damage. Including the weakness. Honestly, the bonuses to hit would affect the Vic. Yeah, the Vic.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Exactly. He'd give you minus 110. He'd give you minus 110, minus 130. He'd give you points at least. You gotta get points on this. Degenerate. I'm gonna parlay Matthew's hits and the under... You're not gonna say Matthew?
Starting point is 00:49:24 And Sydney under five by the time Matthew hits it. God, we gotta take a break. I gotta think of this. Be right back. As a kid, I loved eating cereal, but as an adult, I don't want all that sugar, and most cereals don't give me the protein I need. Then, recently, I found Magic Spoon, a nostalgically delicious cereal that tastes just like my childhood favorites, but without the sugar and with a ton of protein. I actually wasn't allowed to eat cereal as a kid, at least not any with sugar. It was really awful health store stuff, but I was really jealous of the kids who were allowed to eat the sugary cereals and
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Starting point is 00:50:57 for magic spoon in your nearest grocery aisle. That's magic spoon dot com slash gcp for $5 off. Magic Spoon, hold on to the dream. Sometimes our breaks are really fast and sometimes we just start riffing. This was a long break. This was the latter. This was a long break. But it all started with what is your to hit? It's already been said.
Starting point is 00:51:19 10 is the number. Okay. Everyone at home I know is placing bets. We got to get the numbers right. We want to make sure we're doing this fair. My to hit is a plus 10. We're in the Bless aura. A plus 11 with that. A plus 11 with the Bless. And Matthew, yours is? Plus 10 with the Bless, plus nine outside the Bless.
Starting point is 00:51:35 All right. So the odds should be stacked in Asta's favor. However, Joe, rather interesting point. Yeah, you would think that just based on those numbers at Barnes is the underdog. However, Joe, rather interesting point. You would think that just based on those numbers that Barnes is the underdog. However, my point was I think they slightly even out because of the way the characters are played. Barnes is designed to probably swing twice and around more often. Incorrect.
Starting point is 00:51:55 OK. Then he's still the underdog. But regardless, we mentioned that with the Megas class, if I do a spell strike, that's two actions. And then you're just going to recharge the spell strike usually rather than going for another attack. It's not incentivized to do the third. Yeah. like if I do a spell strike, that's two actions. Right, and then you're just going to like recharge the spell strike usually, rather than going for another attack. It's not incentivized to do the third.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Yeah. It's just crazy because I'm on DraftKings right now and I don't see this anywhere. And they have everything. They have everything. It didn't update yet? No, maybe it'll just. I just put it in. Weird.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Try Caesar's. Yeah, try Caesar's. I have a couple bucks in Caesar's. Try Caesar's. Try Caesar's. Or MGM Bank. GM Benz. That half sucks. Do you have anything left of your turn?
Starting point is 00:52:29 I think my turn ended hours ago. Yeah, but you're one up. You're not one hit. One hit towards the root. One regular normal hit. I am done with roll offs. We need to earn these items. This is how we need to do it.
Starting point is 00:52:42 I'm saying it now just in case. We roll off our temporary custody. And then we have the custody trial, which is stuff like this. Yeah, which is like, because a lot of times people's argument is like, I would use it more. This is how they should determine like parental. Well, now we'll see. How much would you actually have used up, too?
Starting point is 00:52:57 If I lose, I'm going to be so pissed because I not only found the item, I rolled for it one and freely gave it to you to use until I need it. I'm not going to use it. And now we're in this position where she's got to fight to get it back. She's going to have to fight. She just has to roll well. That's all. Well, here's the thing. I have to fighting. And you also have an advantage. I'd like to lock in my three leg parlay.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Okay. What is it? I'm taking Matthew Moneyline. So wait, this comes up at the top of the screen. It's like Troy, big money parlay. Big money parlay. I'm taking a three leg. I'm taking Matthew Moneyline. So wait, this comes up at the top of the screen. It's like Troy, big money parlay. Big money parlay. I'm taking a three leg. I'm taking Matthew Moneyline. Which means Matthew's going to win the bet.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Yeah, I'm doing an alternate under, under six on Asus. I'm only going to get to six by the time he gets to 10. Under six. So it's going to be. Under six. If you get to six, Troy loses his whole parlay. Right. And the third leg, this is what really boosted it, is under half a crit by Kate.
Starting point is 00:53:47 I'm so confused. You're speaking another language. Like, how am I involved? What are you saying? In the time that it takes Matthew to get 10 hits, you will not get a single crit. That's what I do. That's why I don't win.
Starting point is 00:53:59 You didn't need to involve me in this. That's what a parley is. You have juiced it all the way up to like plus 1,200. You know what you actually should do? We should tally the damage we do. No. No. That's too much math.
Starting point is 00:54:12 I thought about that, but it's just too much. Let's just do hits. I just want to add in though, as a caveat, a crit equals 2. No. Whoa. That is interesting. Actually, yeah. If you crit, it equals 2.
Starting point is 00:54:22 Because also, I want to get through this. I don't want to be keeping this bet going for 10 episodes, because you and I are not going to hit. Let's be honest. We're not going to hit. The most important thing is if my parlay hits. I am putting it all,
Starting point is 00:54:32 I'm putting it all on green. I'm green in the situation on the roulette ticker. This caveat changes my under. And if I crit, I ruin everything? Yeah, I don't like it. Okay, do you want, well, let's vote on the crit. And if Kate crits. ruin everything? Yeah, that's bullshit. I don't like it. Okay, do you want, well let's vote on the crit. And if Kate crits.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Is the crit worth two hits? Then I win it. No. Yeas, raise your hand. It's bullshit that a crit would be worth two hits because all we're telling is if you can connect and if you who connects more. It's true.
Starting point is 00:54:56 So you don't, okay. So a crit equals two hits, raise your hand if you agree. I agree, Skitt agrees. Yeah. All right, we lose. I don't agree. So basically, the crit is the equivalent of two hits. That's what I'm saying. I basically just bet that Kate a little credit. It's more fun. It's a crit. Oh shit two hits and then yeah
Starting point is 00:55:11 So who agrees crit is worth two hits raise your hand. Okay, we're at a stalemate. We're at a stalemate. All right, Francis Call round two brother I'm ready to put my bed in. I can't be. Francis just yelled a crit is two hits. Thank you. I already put my bed in. It's like Aaron Rodgers is out. It's voided.
Starting point is 00:55:36 I'm right in the back. It's voided. Asterisk the whole thing. The windows are closed. The bedding is closed. We're done. I locked in my bed before you started changing the line. And it's Kate Crits and you can't get more than six for his parlay.
Starting point is 00:55:44 Well, his parding is closed. We're done. I like my bed before you start changing line If she crits and then you get sex in my parlay crits, he's it's done. Yeah. All right. I'm glad I'm not doing the parlay I'm glad I locked it in before I changed the crits This is the stupidest thing. How much money? Not only is it stupid, but the way Joe is like... What? Come on buddy, do you need water? He's like urging on a horse at the Freakness or something. Yeah, come on, come on! Come on, Varts! I'm gonna brush him down after the episode.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Make sure he's comfortable. How is he in mud? Do you want me to polish your dice? Ramoo! Brother Ramoo is... How is it in mud? Do you want me to polish your dice? Go. Ramu. Brother Ramu is, oh boy, I don't want to step too far away from Barnes here, because I want to make sure he gets the blast. Also, I want to bring back epic combat music.
Starting point is 00:56:35 There we go. He is, I'll have to use that crossbow. Let's do it. He will, yeah, he'll take a step back away It's cool away from the creature Okay, and he will point and fire spunk At the the one that is just in the south of Austin you cast bless so you release the item. Oh You're right You're right. So it's yes. Well step back. It is an action to put my hand back on it and then an action of fire Thank you, Kate. So that means I can't do the thing I want to do with my third action.
Starting point is 00:57:08 16 to hit. Miss Meryl. And that's his turn. But the bless is still going. You're within 15 feet. You still get a plus one. Should Joe's should Joe's hits count against one of us? I can see you because you guys are working together. Yeah, clearly.
Starting point is 00:57:27 We're not working together. Every time Joe hits it resets the counter. It's the first of 10 hits before Ramious gets all hit. This is getting ugly. Whoever has the most time, you get all hit. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna credit. I like gambling. There the, whoever has the most fun time, you get all hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna be the critic. I like gambling, there's a lot of people
Starting point is 00:57:46 that don't like gambling. This is so insanely fun. There are gonna be people listening to this podcast that are gonna be dying in the coming weeks for the hits of Barnes versus Asta. Might be my favorite 15 minutes of everything. No. No.
Starting point is 00:58:00 versus Austin. Might be my favorite 15 minutes of everything. I try to tell these people that tell me that they like the VIP hangs and stuff that they don't like sports. I'm like, if you like our show, you like sports. Like you don't realize it. You may not realize it, but. You just haven't quite realized. I like gambling, but my issue is I'm very competitive. So now. You're going to be so much more angry when you don't hit.
Starting point is 00:58:25 I'm gonna be upset when I don't hit. This is like a whole other layer of tension and drama to what we're doing. And it's just gone through the roof. That's what gambling is. I'm so high right now! Okay. I like that you're sitting between us just feeding off of the... I'm just like, ooh, fight around me. Fight around me.
Starting point is 00:58:44 I can't wait till we take you to a casino. Oh, I'm gonna like, ooh, fight around me. Fight around me, I love you. I can't wait till we take you to a casino. Oh, I'm gonna go crazy. Still never been to a casino. This is my casino. It's happening, it's happening. This is my casino. Bring him up here. Wheels are in motion.
Starting point is 00:58:54 All right, we forgot a couple things. Theomachus, I need you to take some damage. Oh yeah. You're gonna take damage of the variety of 1d4, poison damage, two points of poison. Now roll your flat John Take damage and flat John Eat it or I see will continue with that
Starting point is 00:59:11 You will continue with the flat check the DC five if you want to do whatever was something with the constant concentrate And then you take one point of poison give me the flat flat. Oh 13 who salad Buggles turn round Flat. Oh, 13. Who? Salad. Buggles turn, round two. Okay, so on Buggles' turn, the aura emerges from him, this fiery aura. Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:36 And his personality changes, and you hear, and he speaks in this like other language, subtitles, say like, how dare you interrogate this vessel, insolent serpent. And boom, ignition. Yeah. Is it melee? Yes, melee and amped. And oh boy, that is a 26.
Starting point is 01:00:02 That is a 26 to hit. Okay, a couple things happen. No. 26 is a 26. That is a 26 to hit. Okay. Couple things happen. No. 26 is a hit. Okay. What is your caster, what is it, not caster level, your caster? Class DC.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Class DC. Caster's DC. 19. 19? Okay. You cast this spell, and this spell has variable components. And as you say it you
Starting point is 01:00:26 see him like writing on a piece of paper in his hand like transcribing what you say and then he holds that paper in his hand. That's a hit. Okay. It's a recognized spell. That does sound super fun. He's gonna like use it against... It's a psychic spell. Oh, it's psychic it doesn't have verbal. That's you Oh, this is the one time that has ever been. I know I was actually kind of excited to see what Fuckery was gonna happen Remembered at the first time I forgot of the second time yeah That would have been fun. That would have been uh that is 20 points of fire damage. Oh Amazing all right, and this is the one right south of a pasta pasta. Yeah, okay 20 points of fire damage. Oh! Amazing. All right, and this is the one right south of Asta?
Starting point is 01:01:06 Of Asta, yeah. Okay, 20 points of fire damage. He is in rough shape. Okay, and then, boom, shield. Oh no, actually, then, after that, I am going to do a, side blast. I'm gonna do a side blast.
Starting point is 01:01:24 So give me a Psy Burst, sorry. So give me a Reflex save. Okay, and this is all still mental, right? Yep. Reflex is gonna be 15. That's a fail. Oh, and poopy. Poopy doopy.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Five more points of mental damage. Nice. Wow. What a turn. Five more points. This is. Nice. Wow. What a turn. Shpua. Five more points. This is the Kaula Khan unleashed. By the way, technicality, but if you could move my aura, the Blessar is on me. Moved with your whomp.
Starting point is 01:01:58 Just FYI, yeah. Okay. Blessar has moved. Zephyr's the only one outside of it. And it is Asta's turn. Okay. Asta! Asta, spell struck last round,
Starting point is 01:02:11 so she can't do it until she recharges, but I'm not incentivized to do that, so I'm just gonna swing with my katana. You guys wanted to gamble? This is the one. Here we go. All right, 23 to hit. Oh! Ha ha!
Starting point is 01:02:24 Oh! Ha ha! Oh! Ding ding! Let me just mark that as a one. All right, now continuing on with the damn zony. All right, that's gonna be D10. Where's my D10? You got this.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Okay. Six points of damage. And you kill it. Oh, nice! Nice! Awesome! You would have wasted a spell strike on that. That's awesome. Chop off like three of its arms,
Starting point is 01:02:49 it starts bleeding out and it falls. She looks at Barnes and raises one eyebrow and then she runs up to 12. Have you spell strike yet? Last round. Yeah, so do your thing here. Don't tell me what to do. I'm just trying to help you. Don't tell me I'm just trying to help you
Starting point is 01:03:05 Tell me what I can't do I am running up to the other creature and I'm just gonna swing again at it because I'm incentivized to try to win You know assaults you still would still get the attack and you know, I see you're saying do my dimensional assault I thought you were saying recharge. Yeah dimensional assault it recharges your spell strength. Yeah, I could do and you get the time So tell me what to do. I Recharges your spell strength. Yeah, I could do that. You get the fact so tell me what to do. I Like getting advice There's no help. Thank you for the advice. I'm going to choose to take it as an independent kitsune woman
Starting point is 01:03:38 Did your best free thinking? Free-thinking I did my best. But I guess my best wasn't gonna lose a little cause here we are. Uh, now. I'm so scared. Dimensional assault. That's so good. She blinks like out over this dead body. Asta disappears for a moment. And then as she blinks back in,
Starting point is 01:03:57 she's thrusting her katana into this creature. Look at Matthew's heart pal. I know, this is. It takes the map, but that's still gonna be a 21. Add it in front of us. Wait. Oh, she rolled the dice. Sorry, 20.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Wait, no, no, with the bless. Hold on, with the bless. I'm in no rush. I'm in no rush. No, no, no. A 20 with the bless. You're sure? Yes.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Let me sit along for a minute. What's the dice? Why are you doing this? Because the die is 14. Right. My hit is a plus 5 for my second attack and a plus 1 for the... There you go. It's a hit.
Starting point is 01:04:36 Oh! Dude, that armor's not looking good. Double them up. Time. All right. Tricked! So that's gonna be... Cash it out! The bag drop! looking good. Oh man. Double them up. Time. All right. Dranked. So that's gonna be.
Starting point is 01:04:46 Cash it out. The bag job. Oh, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 points of damage. Holy s. Points of damage. And gee, I wonder if it's a coincidence that you just had the best round Osta's ever had. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Now that you're like in the zone. Of course they're gonna take ownership. Of your successes. Of course. As they always do. You weren't there for me when I was shit. Of course they're gonna take ownership of your successes. As they always do. You weren't there for me when I, shit. So you're not gonna be there for me when I win that rune.
Starting point is 01:05:13 You don't deserve her at her brother-amious ritual. At her best. She's doing her best. It eats the teeth. It's the rune. All right, let's rock. My catch out option is 1 17th of my original bet. Um.
Starting point is 01:05:27 It's withersby's turn. My last action. You got six actions. You used 14 already. No. No. Dimensional assault's one action, right? Yeah, I believe that.
Starting point is 01:05:35 You attacked. Dimensional assault, and then you attacked again. But dimensional assault includes the attack. It includes a free attack. Attack again. So now I'm going to. You can roll a natural 20. I'm going to attack again.
Starting point is 01:05:42 You could get a real lead here. All right, here I go. Here I go. And it would double. I again. You could get a real lead here. All right, here I go, here I go. And it would double. I know, if you get a nat. Natural 20! Oh my god! Oh my god!
Starting point is 01:05:51 Oh my god! Oh my god! Critical crack, critical crack, critical crack. Oh my god! Critical crack! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!
Starting point is 01:05:59 Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! So Sydney four, Matthew one. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Wow. Well, you have to make sure that it was a hit.
Starting point is 01:06:10 Of course it was a hit. I'm sweating. Because there's no bonus. It's just a 20. It's plus a one. Oh yeah, 21. 21. Wow.
Starting point is 01:06:19 So she's up. That's still only three for my ticket. For my ticket. All right, four to one. You want to get a crit out just to see what happens? Oh, that was a natural 20, wasn't it? Natural 20. Maybe it'll be like you get an extra hit
Starting point is 01:06:34 for maximum damage. And it counts again, whatever bet you have. Whatever bet you have. Whatever bet Troy loses his parlay. Unless you make a 42 save. Can you Google by name? You win and your current bets I'm whatever bet. You can't lose a light. And Troy loses his parlay. Unless you make a 42 save. Can you Google my name? You win and your current bets better open.
Starting point is 01:06:49 Wait, if Asta dies before this bet is settled. Whoa, Matthew. She's just scoring a net 20. So you're gonna talk about her death? You are so jealous. Way to bring it down. I think we need to explore all the options here. You are in rough shape.
Starting point is 01:07:04 Yeah, you've got a long fight to get back. You should concentrate on your own business. Yeah, you should. I would love to. You have a lot of cats and up to do, Matthew. If you go into the specifics of the bet in the app, there is extensive fine print. And I think one of them covers Asta's death.
Starting point is 01:07:18 All right, let's go. This one from Normo McBeard in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Normo. Normo McBeard. Normo McBeard. This, Minnesota. Normo McBeard. Normo McBeard. This one is called Post Crit Clarity. Ooh. This is bad for you, Matthew. You deliver a masterful stroke
Starting point is 01:07:33 and a sense of resolve washes over you. Double damage and you gain the benefits of heroism for 1d4 rounds. She's gonna kill it here. So now you get a bonus. It'll just die, so I guess it's not gonna impact the better. She's gonna run right into the next room. You know what?
Starting point is 01:07:48 Go to the fucking car! I'm just like, I wanna win this now! I did roll a four, so it is four rounds. Okay. As long as this benefits the party, I'm happy. All right, so. It's loser talk. As long as it's a loser party.
Starting point is 01:08:02 I always forget, I roll once and double it, okay, so eight sixteen sixteen points of damage points of damage Fuck it up. Okay, but not dead not dead. I'll still got a chance by chance Brother a minister to separate stay away Zephyr it is your turn It's a it's gonna get a bonus to its AC if you try to shoot anything from there. It's not it's with a B-stern It's always with a B-stern. That's right. I skipped ahead. We're Shocking and driving with a beast dead. I know with the beast still kick it. Oh, I thought whether B was the one that I'd he takes a look I know Jarvis Jarvis died alright, so what can we do here? How can I dangle five dollars in front of you can't even you can't even look at your initiative tracker anymore
Starting point is 01:08:56 I want Fandle if I get better odds now They've got him shifted just a straight balance it's there a boost on candle I got a hedge with Sydney All right, so He's saying he made another Sydney to win so that his losses won't be so like just doubled heads called edgy All right, so here's what we do. I'm gonna stab Asta. I'm gonna attempt to stab Asta with my fountain pen. 29 to hit.
Starting point is 01:09:27 Oh, yeah, that hits. Not a crit. Not a crit. Okay. And... Cindy, you should cry foul here, because he could have attacked me, and he's going for you to depress your odds.
Starting point is 01:09:36 I know. I'm gonna kill you just so I can win. My bet, five, it's like being injured, and the guy you bet on didn't hit his overrun. I was like, well, now he's out of the game! All right, so five points of piercing, It's like being injured and you the guy you bet on didn't hit his over under All right, so five points of piercing and you take 1d4 persistent poison you'll need a flat check DC 5 Whenever you want to use the concentrate check so it stabbed you and then he says
Starting point is 01:10:06 Why did you just stab me if you don't want to die? I just want you to let you know that I can put up a fight still. Okay, drop all of your quills and I won't stab you. How do I know you're telling the truth? How do I know you're telling the truth? Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick- Martini glasses shatter Interact action interact action Glasses shatter Jarvis goes Kudagrax kudagrax One two alright we're back in the game So would you call him helpless right now? Just stab a corpse
Starting point is 01:10:38 Those were all automatic games So wait when he surrenders Does that lower his AC? His hands are up All of his AC? Yeah. His hands are up. All of his hands? All of his hands. Well yeah, he'd just fall if he did that. Oh, true.
Starting point is 01:10:50 Most of his hands are up. Please, please, I didn't mean any harm. Who are you? Why are you here? I am a wanderer. We found our way in here looking for knowledge, seeking knowledge, not unlike what you are seeking. But now you've killed my lifelong companion, Jarvis, and I do not want to suffer the same fate.
Starting point is 01:11:12 Please. But you attacked us. You spoke of appointments and asked us questions and asked if I had wet the bed. Yes, we crave information. You don't even work here. We didn't even need an appointment. No, we just really like to learn things. And so asking questions helps us learn and it feeds us in the way that food feeds you.
Starting point is 01:11:33 We're just looking for sustenance and so we were hoping to continue to question, but you wouldn't listen to us and you wanted to move ahead and we didn't want you to do that. And now look, Jarvis is dead and I am injured and I have dropped on my pants perhaps I could just leave and Start a new life. Tell us everything you've learned about this place And brother Ramess's poison Uh... We're gonna have to deal with this. AHH!
Starting point is 01:12:06 He doubles over and grabs his stomach. Every time with a roleplay. Theomachus you take one. Ramius you take one. Give me your flat checks. Oh, 13 again. I don't know, I mean this is a whole thing. What do I take? Two. He's gonna work on himself
Starting point is 01:12:22 and do a medicine check to whatever the poison. 14? No? That's not good enough? DC 15. Oh, DC 15. Treat poison. He's gonna treat poison. So you take two damage, you both take one, and then you're gonna treat poison on yourself? I'm gonna treat poison on myself so that I can be in a clear place.
Starting point is 01:12:39 Does that give you a bonus with a flat check? Yes. You do that? You get a plus two circumstance bonus to its next saving throw against the poison. Because there's no saving throw. Oh, wait. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 01:12:50 Is this a bonus to the flat check? There's something you can. No, this is a circumstance bonus to the saving throw against the poison. This would be poison that has stages. Yeah, that's not what this does. Because I get that heroism. Heroism to attack rolls, perception check,
Starting point is 01:13:03 saving throws, and skill checks. Just a flat check. Doesn't count? Yeah. All right, so maybe I could say, Yorink, it's poisoned me. Do you have an antidote? Do you have something to help? No, no, it was meant to kill you slowly.
Starting point is 01:13:16 And so you take some more damage. Barnes, you take three, Ramius one, Asta one. I feel. Does it make any sense? You want knowledge from us and then you try to kill us with your pens? Yes, well we were hoping that we could just keep one of you alive and question you to death.
Starting point is 01:13:31 What's in the glasses? What's that? What is in the glasses? That was alcohol. We like to drink while we read, don't you? Yes. Uh. Uh.
Starting point is 01:13:41 Uh. And then. Uh. Uh. He kind of like lifts his head up just because he's sweating yes, yes did anybody pass it? no
Starting point is 01:13:55 are you taking the damage? yes I'm just, there has to be something there was something you did that lowered the flat check yeah but you need to do something that would help you oh the antidote that you took. That's what it is. You guys use your antidote.
Starting point is 01:14:06 But it's weird to like, you can do something with persistent damage to help your flat check and bring it to DC 11. But you have to like do something that you described to the GM. It's not, it's all narrative. But with a poison that's in your system, I don't know what that was.
Starting point is 01:14:19 Okay, here. I throw it. Barnes is gonna do this. He's gonna take his kukri and he's gonna cut an opening where he got stabbed and then he's gonna suck out the poison. Oh, I like that. Okay, and that lowers the flat check by? To DC 11, if you're cool with it.
Starting point is 01:14:34 I like that, yeah. So I'll take a point of damage or something to do that? Yeah, all right, so you're gonna take three points of damage. And then a point for the knife that I do. Yeah, so four points of damage, thank you. And now it's DC 11. And now it's DC 11. And now it's DC 11. If I fail this, I'm gonna be so mad.
Starting point is 01:14:47 And I'm just gonna do it. If not, you'll just keep sucking. Okay, natural 19. Nice, you're good. Ramius, you're gonna take four. Jesus, four and he fails again. Oh man. Asta, you're gonna take three.
Starting point is 01:14:57 Give me the flat check. I'm the Ramius. And I'll do the same. I'm gonna do the same thing. You wanna do throw up? 15. Okay, you're good. Make it quick.
Starting point is 01:15:04 I'm gonna do the same thing the brother did. And he turns and looks at three. He looks away from Barnes and the knife. And I'm gonna cut an opening with the kukri and then go. He was stabbed in his inner thigh, brother. Oh, sorry. The inner thigh. Oh my god. I believe the quill went in his penis.
Starting point is 01:15:18 All right. So immature. Was it hurt you, was it hurt me? boys are gonna hurt me! It's gonna hurt you boys! Actually, I think... Actually, I think you'll quite enjoy this. What is wrong with you, Vane? Oh my god.
Starting point is 01:15:41 You're still playing in middle school. Something just changed. Fail again. Take four points of poison. You're gonna die. You're gonna die from this. He could heal, I could heal myself. Why would you use a bottle cap?
Starting point is 01:15:56 I spit out the poison. Oh my god, 96 team. We all sit down. So is it cool if I just leave? I grab him, I grab him. You tell us everything you know about this. I grab him by the neck. Any creatures you've encountered, any spaces, where can we find... What's behind this door?
Starting point is 01:16:13 Behind this door. The door here leads to the grove. There are creatures in there that we did not like the looks of them, and so we came back in here in reading some of the literature here. We've determined that they are perhaps the gardeners of this grove beyond, but we are, as you can see, very small, and they are not, and so we did not take any chances. Perhaps part of our long-term plan, once we saw you, was to conscript you into our service, and then we could go in there and kill them and learn from them as well. But here we are. Jarvis is dead.
Starting point is 01:16:52 And I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Why don't you just come with us, and you can help us then? Oh, but I'd be of no help. I'm bleeding, as you can see. I've dropped my martini. I have a proposition for you. Yes, does it involve a fresh drink? No. Allow me to hit you twice for minimal damage. And then we'll let you go free. No, no, no!
Starting point is 01:17:15 Objection, no, objection! No! Take it three times! I'm holding him by the neck! I'm back baby! Ton of ton! I'm back baby! All right, time to done. Asta holding this small lizard. We'll let you go. It's in... It's like a heavy bag. It's in...
Starting point is 01:17:34 It's only in combat. Only in initiatives. It's only against hostile creatures. Asta's claws come back. Speed bagging it. How did I think that we could possibly do this without meeting that thousand rules? Right? It's only it gets hostile creatures Think that we could possibly Sweating really sweating this better. All right fun sweat fun sweat
Starting point is 01:18:03 So I'll just anyways good luck in your adventure I don't think I would be of much help to you and as you can see my friend Wait, wait before you go. Yes. I'm still holding. What is it that you've learned of this place have you written any of it down that you could leave with me and he sees this Like, you know huge Backpack just of like books all like strapped and strapped type of things He's like I'd very much like to take some of your research and I would say if we let you go you will need to leave some of that with us Yes, you're welcome to it
Starting point is 01:18:33 Are some scrolls that are magical when your friend cast his mind illusion I tried to read it and transcribe it But I did not have the power to do so as the words came from his mind and not from his mouth. But you have others, other scrolls, magical scrolls. Yes, and you're welcome to them if you would just please let me go. He clearly has nothing on him, right?
Starting point is 01:18:58 Like, he doesn't have pockets, he's not wearing clothing. I want to be truthful just to make sure. Yeah, nothing in his inventory, nothing is okay. I rob him What do you take his arm? Want to make it clear that I thoroughly check him. Oh, he's mug him. Yeah And then I go to my privates Sorry after realizing he doesn't have anything I put him on the ground. He doesn't have my privates! Sorry. After realizing he doesn't have anything, I put him on the ground. He doesn't have any privates?
Starting point is 01:19:27 Yep. So her privates now. Mine now, I take them. It's actually just nine tenths of a law. They lie along the small of my back. That is how scalescribes mate. I let him, I just let him go. Just kind of rub backs.
Starting point is 01:19:43 All of a sudden, children are born. Is that fast? Well, good luck. There are a lot of other creatures in here. Far scarier than us. All right, and he goes over to Jarvis's corpse and just starts dragging it. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:19:57 I check Jarvis's corpse. Please. I check his corpse. I just, I'm going to bring him with me. Perhaps someday I will find someone that can raise him come along Jarvis There are other questions to be asked drag drag
Starting point is 01:20:14 20 minutes later Alright, let's grab brother. Amy's gonna grab these scrolls and healing oh yeah, I want to look at the scrolls too and healing Oh, right Barnes can Barnes can use scrolls. Let's see, brother Amy's gonna grab these scrolls. And healing, oh yeah, I wanna look at the scrolls too. And healing. Oh right. Barnes can use scrolls as well. Let's see these scrolls. I don't think he's ever gonna get them. Bless goes away.
Starting point is 01:20:32 Sweet. Bless goes away. My heroism goes away. Yep, heroism goes away. Come here, Bonza. While you're looking at those, I'll patch this up here. It's going to be difficult with the poison. All right, so that's nine points of healing while you're looking at these scrolls. What do you find? What does he find? While I'm doing medicine.
Starting point is 01:20:53 You find two scrolls. A scroll of glitter dust. Yes. Oh, right. Scroll of glitter dust. Scroll of haste. Which you could then transcribe into your spell book. You already have haste? No, I have mirror image, acid arrow, and something else I can look. Glitter dust would be clutch at this level and then buckles doesn't have a spell book of any sort I can't learn
Starting point is 01:21:31 okay yeah it's really not spell casting yeah it's really is like Carrie so it's all psychic when she transcribes and, that uses the scroll, right? The scrolls, I think, yeah, go away. They disappear, but she knows them forever. I guess we'll have to roll off on those as well? No, they're actually more valuable for having them in your spell book. Well, maybe, but she only really prepares attacking spells.
Starting point is 01:21:58 Yeah, there's always that. Like, would you prepare them? Glitterdust and Haste? No, probably not. I mean, up to you guys. I could have them forever. I think you should have, for those two spells.ust and Haste? No, probably not. I mean, up to you guys. I could have them forever. I think you should have, for those two spells, and Glitterdust, if we encounter an invisible enemy,
Starting point is 01:22:11 she could stop taking around the cast that, that would be invaluable. Because once I level, once I grow in level, I'm not gonna- But she would have to have it prepared, which would be a wasted slot 90% of the time. But if it's a scroll, we have it when we need it, you know? Right now, all my cantrips are like damage dealing cantrips because it makes the most sense when I level up I probably would take more like usable
Starting point is 01:22:34 things like a glitter dust or something utility spells yeah but now I said isn't a cantri I agree with Joe that the scrolls might be more useful yeah also I bet we can't afford to put it in your spell book right now. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably true. Time-wise. No, it costs money. It costs money.
Starting point is 01:22:49 It costs money. Oh, whoa, whoa. For a third level spell. Third rank spell, yeah. And I'm always loathe to not transcribe a scroll to save it permanently, but in this case, I think we would be better off just using it as a consumable.
Starting point is 01:23:04 Why don't you hold them, Brother Ramius? I think the new one is called Revealing Light. It is second rank. Yeah, so we don't have to make the decision now. Ramius has places within his backpack to hold scrolls specifically, so he'll hold them. We'll just hold them for now. We don't have to make that decision yet. Brother Ramius, would you mind?
Starting point is 01:23:26 I could use more healing. Patching me up as well? I'm finishing up with Barnes here and then I'll be right with you. That is an eight Barnes, so that was 17 total so far. I am still down. Oh my goodness. I didn't heal from the last time I did.
Starting point is 01:23:41 While you're healing, Zephyr is gonna look around this room like she did the last room since she found a Door there. Hmm. All right, and then okay. Yeah, you do that and I'm gonna work on Asta poke around in the papers and on the walls Read the things Crit on Asta. Oh So that's 14. I'm back up. I'm all good. Beautiful. Thank you. All right, so that took about an hour Okay, just under an hour, but we want to read this up in here anyway. Yeah, give me that perception check.
Starting point is 01:24:08 Perception. 17. 17. Yeah, a lot of it is like scribblings of half-formed thoughts. Seems like they were interviewing each other at a certain point out of boredom. You get the sense through some remnants of journals perhaps that they tried to enter the Grove
Starting point is 01:24:31 and they were ousted by the Colborne. And it seems like they keep using Colborne and gardeners synonymously. Cull or call? Callborn. Callborn. Is there just a role that Ramius could do, like a wisdom role or something like that,
Starting point is 01:24:56 based on everything that we've heard from the elves and to determine if callborn or gardeners would be another term to describe something we've already heard of? Like the guardians or society. As a Derek Lohr. Yeah, you absolutely could. Natural four for a 15. Hey, you haven't heard of call born before.
Starting point is 01:25:21 Is there a skill check I can do or should I? You want me to not really do? Ability roles society what is your you're trying to remember if you'd heard anything of that Like maybe something that genteel said when you're speaking. Yeah that like them their Translation of Gardener or colborne might be a different way of saying something that genteel already said you remember that Gentheal said that Iscariot was given over to the Colborne over a century ago. I thought I heard that. Okay.
Starting point is 01:25:55 Yeah. And said, we, Oacia, chose to build our city here because of its proximity to this memory cache. They willingly give these souls over to these call born. Yeah, it's been a tradition of trusting our most important sages to the call borns care. But how do you spell call born? C-A-U-L-B-O-R-N. Don't Google it.
Starting point is 01:26:18 Call born. A call is like, uh, like a head, headwear, right? Yeah. Oh, it's a cowl. No, but like, yeah, like a call, like a Cwear, right? Yeah. Oh, it's a cowl. But yeah, like a call, like a C-A-U-L. Yeah, a headdress, helmet. Also could be the amniotic membrane. Matthew's Googling. That's what I found.
Starting point is 01:26:37 Googling the word call. Oh, gosh. Matthew's Googling it. Matthew's Googling it. That's what it is. Matthew, click on the images. Start Googling call. Oh, there are a lot of them are blocked out.
Starting point is 01:26:48 Oh, I understand why. You have a filter on? Apparently I do. Sydney does not. I'm just going crazy on my work laptop. Don't Google that. Like being on Twitter. A lot of porn these days.
Starting point is 01:27:07 So much porn. So we know that Colborne- Moving on. Get souls willingly. We don't know if they're like violent. Yeah, we assume that they ran these creatures out of there. Yeah, still that. I mean, we are here with her son's permission, so- I know, we'll try. Yeah, we'll do I mean, we are here with her son's permission, so. I know, we'll try.
Starting point is 01:27:25 Yeah, we'll do our best. Yeah, maybe the key will help. Can we, uh. Hey. But I guess my best wasn't good enough. All right, can we open this door? You open the door. They missed last words, Matthew, good luck.
Starting point is 01:27:41 Ha ha ha. By the way. Why'd you know we're all counting? Unless I say otherwise. So mean. It's not that you're competitive. You're mean. No, it's competitive.
Starting point is 01:27:50 It's competitive. Unless I say otherwise, Brother Ramius is always loading and walking around with his crossbow loaded. And he's constantly loading and reloading it. Constantly. I got my bow out since we're- I'll open the door. Oh, ow! Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 01:28:04 Did you just shoot me in the back. Ow! Sorry. It went off. Strange. I'm going to take that back. If you're not sure how to use it, I'll just hold on to it. And he looks over at Barnes. Just wait. That's one.
Starting point is 01:28:20 Brother Ramey's is not money on this. I know, I'm really conflating the two of my head. It's getting very disturbing. All I know, I'm really conflating the two with my head across the world. It's getting very disturbing. All I know is my parlay's still alive. It is still alive. It's a long shot. For the record, just so we know, Barnes has one, Asta has three. You have four because you did a crit.
Starting point is 01:28:40 Four, because you got the crit. Oops. You have three on my ticket. If Barnes hits ten before you hit six, that would be astounding and she can't Just a sprinkle sprinkle a little side bed on I could know I could create once then that's true We open the door barn steps in the door disappears Means Barnes with the only one in this encounter he's the only one that gets hit.
Starting point is 01:29:06 Good. Now open the door I'm going to describe. You can only see it if you have Barnes. Open the door and you see ornate lanterns hanging from the stalactites along the ceiling of this vast, dimly lit cavern. Beyond the sort of entryway of this space, there is an orchard of short, leafless trees spread out across the floor. Their twisted branches seem to be weighed down with shadowed shapes of odd looking fruit. As you open the door, you see three figures sort of step from the shadows of the trees
Starting point is 01:29:57 into being. They are emaciated, hairless, humanoid-like figures with their arms sort of folded into sleeves of their skin. Let me show you what they look like. That sounds gross. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:30:23 They look like this. Oh, oh, wow. That's not what I pictured in my head before you showed me this. That's not what I pictured at all, and I really don't think we're gonna have a good conversation. These don't look like friends. They've got like predator mouths. And also a giant sickle.
Starting point is 01:30:38 And long fingers. And a branch in the other hand. They have all, they all have sickles on their belt, but they all kind of push their hands into their skin. And as you can see from the image, they sort of have rags around their waist and their knees and ankles and around their wrists and their forearms look like pieces of bark
Starting point is 01:31:02 that have broken off at the elbow before continuing on up to the shoulder blade and this massive call-like headdress of bone and alien face no eyes discernible and Their mouths are open long tongue huge jaw sharp teeth and they Walk towards you.
Starting point is 01:31:29 And we'll see you next week. I didn't know if you were gonna start something. I'm gonna be starting something. I'm gonna be starting something. Place your bets now. Place your bets now. Place your bets now. We'll see if the odds change.
Starting point is 01:31:41 The line's too high to get over. Ha ha ha ha. See you next week! Let's see if the odds change. The line's too high to get over. It's time to make your membership official. Become an official member of the Naish today at jointhenaish.com. That's jointhenaish.com where you'll get access to exclusive podcasts and live streams you can't find anywhere else.
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