The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 44 – License to Quill
Episode Date: July 26, 2024The heroes struggle against a bizarre bureaucracy. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/yZPKQqc0k34 This episode was sponsored by Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. See why tabletop gamers everywhere... have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp For all your random number-generating needs, visit Norse Foundry at https://norsefoundry.com For a limited time, use code "GCN" to get a free gift with your Journey Pack! Head to https://tryfum.com to get a free gift with your order today. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/GCN and get 10% off your first month. Get $5 off your next order of delicious cereal at https://magicspoon.com/GCP. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network,
the premier source for role playing game entertainment.
Last week on the Glass Cannon podcast.
Rest in an unknown underground cave on another planet.
You push this stone wall and it gives rather easily.
All right, let's step in.
As you walk up ahead, there are mushrooms and fungi of every size and shape.
There's a glow.
You realize that it is in fact a shield.
It's a magical buckler.
Everyone stand back.
I'll lift the shield off.
Two of the larger mushrooms sprout arms.
They're yelling at you.
Hurrah, hush, shaman, hurrah!
I will hurl my chakram at the nearer one.
Oh yeah.
Punch it in its squishy little body.
Pah!
What are you thinking?
He took it off the wall.
The dirty thief.
They're only trying to protect what's theirs.
Please, we don't mean any harm. He's going to cast Calm.
Are you hungry?
Yeah, no, they definitely want to eat us. What about those hideous mole six-eyed creatures that we killed? Excellent idea, Brother Ramies.
Oh. The barons will go back and get one of the bodies.
that we killed. Excellent idea, Brother Ramies.
Oh.
Barnes will go back and get one of the bodies.
Shama.
Shama.
Shama.
Shama.
Ah!
Oh.
Oh, no, no.
We're right.
We're right.
Barnes turns the corner.
Oh, god.
Two creatures.
Oh.
Oh.
Sort of the body of a snake with multiple legs and arms.
And they have these pens in a lot of their hands and they sort of
scribble along the ground as they come up to you. The adventure continues...
now. I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be a good boy, I'm gonna be Good evening and welcome to the Glass Cannon podcast.
What's it all about, Sydney?
What is up with the opening?
You're making me really worried about
the way today's gonna go.
You set a real bad route.
Why are you so calm?
I just wanna know, what's it all about, Kate?
It's about the sauce.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Obviously.
Did you drink before we started this episode?
And you're just telling us live?
You guys aren't sauced as well?
No.
I thought you were sauce on the side.
This is gonna be fun.
What's it all about, Matthew?
Earthback Rock?
What did you just say?
What?
It's all about him.
Earthback Rock. What about him? What's it all about? Was that a song of What? It's all about him? Or Backrack?
What about him?
What's it all about?
Was that a song of his?
It's a lyric in one of his songs.
What's it all about, Skid?
NCAA football 25.
You're out.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
PlayStation 5.
CJ just had a guttural response.
In like eight days, CJ, from today, something like that.
And yeah.
I've literally been waiting 10 years for the game,
for the next iteration of this game to come out.
I've never been more excited for anything in my life.
I saw a great meme the other day. There was like a picture of NCAA 25. It's like, remember
that time when you would just get all your buddies together on a Friday night, order
a ton of pizzas, get some Mountain Dew and play this? The time is now. That's happening
now. You can do that now. Joe, what's it all about?
Cheese.
That actually is the definitive answer.
Yeah.
Correct answer.
Not beef, not Steve.
Correct answer was cheese.
Thank you everyone.
What was the song you-
Good night.
We were humming a song before the episode and Joe substituted beef and cheese into a
instrumental solo and it works perfectly.
And Matthew knew exactly what I was doing.
He turned and he was like,
that was perfect. What was the song? No, I'm forgetting. Oh, knew exactly what I was doing. He turned and he was like, that was perfect.
What was the song?
No, I'm kidding.
Oh, it was Live and Let Die.
Oh, yes.
It was.
It was the instrumental part of Live and Let Die.
Were you like, beef and cheese, beef and cheese.
Beef and cheese.
It was like da da da, da da da, da da da da da, eatin' beef and cheese.
Yes.
Eatin' beef and cheese.
Ba da da, ba da da.
Beef and cheese.
Beef and cheese.
I was like, beef and cheese. I was da. Oh my God. Beef and cheese.
Beef and cheese.
Beef and cheese.
I was like, you reached a new pinnacle of artistic exploration.
Oh God.
God.
I mean, that episode came out right before the retreat and the number of people that
were like doing that at the retreat.
It's like infectious.
Infectious.
Yeah.
So are we supposed to ask you?
No, no, no.
This isn't about me.
It's about you.
I still didn't get an answer from you.
You deflected.
It was hard.
She was the first one.
What was the question?
It's an all-embranced hit.
It's an all about.
I guess just staying alive till I die.
Yeah, dark, real.
Yeah, is that what you wanted, Troy?
Did you want it to get real today?
Will you be buried or burned or displayed?
Displayed.
Or, put on a lens?
Do you know about my plan?
I do know what you're planning.
I think I talked about this.
She talked about this.
Yeah, she did.
Or the third choice behind door number three
is displayed in a museum.
Or the fourth choice, encased in a sack of mushroom spore.
That's a thing.
Or you turn into a tree, you turn into a mushroom.
Oh, that's cool.
It's very apt, too, for this.
What, Troy?
Let me ask you.
If you were displayed in a museum,
we came and just burned your body
and then buried the case,
you'd get the benefit of all three.
Why would you do that?
It'd be fun.
Because burning shit's great.
It would be really satisfying.
Yeah.
Pretty awesome, actually.
You would be able to say you had all three.
Yeah.
What's the most satisfying part?
Is it the breaking into the museum
or is it the burning of the body?
Burning Sydney's body would just be amazing.
We could sever your hand and plant it where we buried you,
and then perhaps a tree would grow from that.
Like from your little finger.
Like a finger tree.
The whole, then you get all three thing,
it feels like a devil's bargain
where you get to live forever
because you outwit the devil.
If you die by this or you die by this,
then I get your soul, but I'd be free,
because you would do all three. Yeah.
Yeah.
Cool.
There's no way out for you.
The devil is claiming your soul.
Oh.
Yeah.
Did he tell you that?
No, I just can tell by your actions.
Don't tempt her with a good time.
I mean, if that's going to be the end,
then you might as well have some fun.
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
Is that what it's all about?
You asking me?
He said dramatically.
Troy, what's it all about?
I recently found out, but I'm not gonna tell you.
What?
You found out what it's all about.
You found out what it's all about?
And I'm not gonna tell you. Can you tell us what it's all about. You found out what it's all about. And I'm not going to tell you.
Can you tell us what it is?
Wait.
No.
That seems like a no.
This is the weirdest vibe we've ever had for an episode I have to say.
I feel like you're like leading us to something weird within the game.
Like you're mentally preparing us as people for some horror in the game.
You don't think so?
No.
I can tell.
He's not thinking ahead at all.
I don't think he knew what he was gonna say
when he opened his mouth.
He just said something.
That's my bet.
Yeah, based on, yeah.
I think he was as surprised as any of us at this table.
Yeah.
Based on your coy little smile, I think,
this kid's right.
Prep, let's play more. Yeah, exactly, dude. I say. I think this kid's right.
Prop less, play more.
Yeah, exactly, dude.
What's going on with your shirt?
Oh, since last episode, I decided to take things into my own hands.
My fate, if you will. My fate at the table.
Her shirt says, I did my best. Did you make that yourself?
Would you find that at a yard sale?
It's got a retro vibe.
Is it faux retro or is it real?
It's created.
I bought it online.
It was used.
It looks like you found it in the lost and found at Action Park.
Yes.
Wait, you bought it, that was used?
Yeah.
Someone else wore that? Yes. How much does that was used? Yeah.
Someone else wore that?
Yes.
How much, how much does that go for?
I don't know, I think I bought this for like 15, 10 bucks.
When did you buy it?
When?
Yeah.
Last week.
Oh wow, so you really.
It's a brand new used t-shirt.
Yeah, it's a new shirt for me.
It's my first time wearing it out
and it felt so right to wear it to the table with you all
because you're so mean to me.
I've never seen a shirt that's an excuse before.
Yeah, it's kind of just like, I don't have to answer anymore.
Yeah, it's preempting.
No matter what, I did my best.
What if your best sucks, though?
I did my best.
What do you do?
What do you do?
I did my best.
She already brought it up pre-show,
because we do silence to get room tone.
Literally, the only thing you have to do is not move
or speak.
You can breathe just fine.
You don't have to do anything.
You have to just do nothing.
And I'm just sitting here doing nothing,
and I just hear like, pop.
And she's doing some shit down on the floor.
She like chucked something onto the floor.
Yeah, she threw something on the floor.
And I look at her, and I'm just trying to still be quiet.
And I'm like, ugh.
And she just moves the mic out of the way.
This raises, I did my best.
The back of her shirt says, sometimes your best
isn't good enough.
Wait, does it really?
No.
That was good, Kate.
I need to add that.
Maybe I will make this a custom shirt now,
and I'll slowly just add something to the right sleeve,
to the left sleeve.
Something to say to Kate, something to say to Skip.
Yes, no.
I've become like a Magic 8-Ball.
Yeah, then you can sell it to someone else
and they can keep adding to it.
That hot used t-shirt market.
Yeah.
I can't believe you got a used t-shirt.
You've never been to a thrift store?
It's not that weird. No. You've never been to a thrift store? It's not that weird.
No.
You've never been to a thrift store?
It would be weird for Troy, but it's not that weird.
It's one new hat.
He would not do it.
I only wear stuff that came from a brewery.
That's true.
Shirt and hat, apparently.
My shirt is from a Dallas brewery, and this is from a Maine brewery.
You know, Deep Ellum, I just said, you know, they shot Robocop in Ellum.
Really? In Texas?
Yeah, in Texas.
Deep Ellum was just bought out by Anheuser-Busch for a set.
Good for them.
We had good tots there.
We had great tots.
They were a lote tots.
A lote tots.
That's right.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
That's right.
That sounds good.
Lote.
Really good.
It's a good time.
I think I had COVID.
You did?
I think I was.
For that one.
I wasn't there.
No, no, we, we, we'd gotten them twice
because they were, we went to both trips.
Oh, we got them twice.
That sounds like us.
The same brewery, same appetizer one year later.
We were the time we were in Atlanta
and we went to the same place for lunch,
like three times in a row.
Oh, the taco place.
It was like the best tacos we've ever had was in Atlanta.
Remember they had Nashville fried chicken tacos
and they were like out of this world.
It was like in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah.
We had to like take a car just to get to this place.
We were staying in the middle of nowhere and we had to take a car. We went, but we kept going back. Yeah, it was great in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, like take a car just to get we were saying no nowhere
I mean take a car we went but we kept going back. Yeah, it was great. It was so good
Then lunch it was like a restaurant, but also you could sit there and watch college football like couches and shit
That was great huge outdoor area mini golf. Yeah, there was something out there or something like
Watchy, it's fun. Yeah, We have a good time. We get tots.
Sometimes we get tots, and maybe that's what it's all about.
We just head out.
We just go, what?
What are you guys talking about?
What, you want to join in on the conversation?
I want to play a scary game where scary stuff is happening,
because you're freaking me out, and I'm getting nervous.
Put down the knife.
What are you nervous about?
Cindy, we just got out of it.
He's making such direct eye contact. I feel like if I look away, something bad will happen.
Help, Troy. Don't.
Try it.
Look at me really quick.
Look away.
Joe, help me. Really quick.
Okay.
I broke free of it.
Wow.
That was really scary.
What you did was lost.
Oh.
You lost.
I lost.
And maybe that's what it's...
We'll be back right after this.
He's been trying to get to that break.
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So I've got a complicated relationship with social media,
but I am, I am on it.
But I do find myself falling into the traps
that we all hear about, right?
You see things on there, you get caught up in it,
you start to wish, oh, I wish my life were that shiny
and that, you know, perfect or whatever.
Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy.
And it's really easy to envy other people's lives.
It's just easy to do that.
And it might look like they have it all together
on their Instagram, but in reality, maybe they don't.
And therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have, so you can
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We're back, everybody.
Big shout out to our squeaky mic stand.
Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.
You know, the episodes of Giant Slayer recorded on this.
Oh, man, this is very mic stand.
Why upgrade until it breaks, just like my jeans.
I'll wear them until they fall off.
Big shout out to our sponsors, Foundry VTT
and Norse Foundry. Foundry VTT. Man, stay tuned. We got some pretty exciting information coming
up. Oh, you can't even, don't even think about it. One of those sponsors. Still courting
a third sponsor. Hi Noon. Did you get my email? Hi Noon. Hi Noon. It's coming, maybe Dunkin's.
America runs on Dunkin's,
but how about the Glass Cannon podcast runs on Dunkin's?
We took Mira out to the park
on one of those abysmally hot days this weekend,
and we were coming back and she was hot,
we were all hot, it was awful,
and then we were trying to figure out a way to,
let's just find somewhere where we can get
something cold to drink.
And she was miserable and she was crying,
and I was like, why don't we just go to Dunkin' Donuts? And her mood just like, let's just find somewhere where we can get something cold to drink. And she was miserable and she was crying. And I was like, let's just,
why don't we just go to Dunkin' Donuts?
And her mood just broke.
And she just went, I want to Dunk a donut.
Oh.
Did you give her a donut?
Yeah.
It's one of the greatest places in the world.
Magic.
Last week, you continued your exploration
of this underground labyrinth.
Found a secret door after you rested.
You went through said secret door, found a magical shield hanging on the wall, glowing
like an ever-burning torch to light up a mushroom field.
As you took the buckler off the wall, two of the mushrooms came to life yelling at you
in a language you did not understand with no ability to comprehend their language.
Might be something you want to learn.
Next level up.
Maybe buy a scroll.
And so they started fighting you.
Barnes drew first blood, threw a fucking chakra.
What was it?
Chakra?
Chakra.
Hit the wall behind him, but game time.
Spores come out, throwing spores.
And then finally, Brother Ramious, who goes last in the initiative, comes up and says,
what are you people doing?
Cast calm and they get very, very sad and dejected.
And it's clear that they just want to eat.
They want to eat something.
They wanted to eat.
They wanted perhaps to eat you. And you were like, well,
you can't do that. We'll go get a corpse in the other room. You gave it to them. They seem really
cool. It's very strange encounter. Worked out well. It was a very, very odd vibe to that as well.
Yeah, I thought that they were, I guess, a little bit more intelligent than that. I don't know.
I thought that they were like guarding the shield. Just because once you bought some drugs from some.
I see him in my dreams, man.
But at the end of the day, you didn't need to fight them. That was clear and you were
right on the nose there.
Yeah. Yeah. I kind of got the sense that we didn't need to fight them. And you know, anytime
we can avoid hurting ourselves or getting hurt is good. So it reminded me later after
the fact, after we finished recording, I remembered a casting
of calm emotions.
Do you remember this?
Well, I was thinking about it when you did it.
Back in the day.
Yeah.
So back in the day, there was a casting, a famous casting of calm emotions during a game
I was running at the Council of Thieves game.
And I was thinking about your interpretation.
I was like, holy shit, I kind of did the same thing in retrospect. Cause basically the calm, the way that I interpreted it was the guy who they
calmed went into a state of like pure, like nihilism basically, and cared about
nothing or no one while also at the same time being like incredibly depressed
that all of his friends were dead because like they had just killed all of his friends and then they calmed him down.
And he just kept being like, what's the point?
What's the point in anything?
And they were like, they were like trying to interrogate him and he was like, it doesn't
matter if you get the answer.
It's like all my friends have been murdered.
You're probably going to kill me.
Everything.
It was so I was, it was, it was very memorable.
I, yeah.
It's a way you do. I was like, actually I did the same exact thing. I'm like melancholy. Yeah, who cares about it
It's not as fun to interpret it like they were one way. Let's have them go the complete opposite, right? Yeah, but that was fun
I prepared that spell specifically for this dungeon thinking that like oh really yeah
Because they said that there were these ancient guardians down there
I don't know if it would work on ancient guardians if they were like constructs or something
like that.
But I also thought that there might be things down here that think we are enemies that we're
trying to not fight because they're just trying to preserve the souls of these elves.
And so I was like, we're the intruders, right?
So like, this is a neat spell.
So I prepared that.
That's cool that you've prepared it for this, like thinking that might be helpful.
Yeah.
Instead, you deployed it on some mushrooms.
Yeah, on some mushrooms.
Yeah, on some shrooms, which I was not expecting.
Got you out of an encounter, but then you continue walking around the bend here with
your new magical buckler in tow.
Is that still shining light?
It is.
Can I have retroactively say I did a knowledge check on it to see what it actually can do?
Sure, give me an Arcana, John.
All right, I'm gonna use Esoteric Lore
and take the penalty.
Okey-dokey, 25.
25, it is a Glamorous Buckler.
A Glamorous Buckler?
Yes, a Glamorous Buckler.
Glamorous Buckler.
Is lavishly decorated with gilding
and inset gemstones that glitter in the light
When you have it raised the glamorous buckler grants you a plus one item bonus to deception checks to faint
You can also with one action you can activate it once per day and the trigger is after you faint
If you faint Fe I NT
is after you faint, if you faint, F-E-I-N-T, just in case you weren't sure.
Oh, thanks.
That's not rude.
You trigger.
I was gonna faint for my first action.
The requirements, you have to have the glamorous buckler
raised and the trigger is you faint.
The effect, as you faint, the glamorous buckler
sparkles mightily on a successful faint,
the target is dazzled for one round.
But in addition to that, this particular one that was hanging on the wall had been enchanted
to burn like an ever-burning torch.
Oh, wow.
So it is just always on.
It is just...
I'll look to make sure, see what the intention was here and kind of make a ruling.
But as it says here, it has been enchanted to glow like an ever-burning torch.
Very cool.
So yeah, I would say that you could probably,
if you want, stow it backwards to block the light
and if you were trying to be stealthy,
but for the most part, I think it just keeps going.
Do we want to roll for it, deal with that later?
No, you just, you should.
I don't want it.
It's permanent, it's permanent.
Okay, I'll hold on. I don't know it's permanent permanent. Okay. Oh, that's your it's I mean bonded
It actually it actually called in well. It's it tuned or Noah when you pick up an item
And it's like you have it and you can't you can't give us have a word. I don't remember that on it
It's not bonded, but it's something else. It's as soon as you pick it up. Nobody else can have it. Oh, that's fun. Yeah
Austin wants to sell it but I kind of I'm all over it I have a I can cast a
shield spell so I probably will sell it as well I want to sell as well but I'll
obviously split the funds with the group because I'm not you know reckless thief
can you two hand with a buckler because you wear it on your arms you can like
yes you hand a weapon but and hold your buckler you just don't get the bonus days know if you can two hand a weapon you do
You can have a free hand when you can hold you can hold a light object in your buckler hand and use it
Which I'm interpreting to me as I can hold my implement
Maybe not a light weapon
For a second no light object it says so you can't do is it bulk L or is it?
Cat that's what light object means yeah, so there might be weapons that are light if they have the it yeah, I think you could I think you could two-handed
You just don't get the bonuses. No. No, I don't think there's any two-handed light weapons
Ah, yeah, it would be like holding like a dagger
You don't get any bonuses to two-handing something like you you used to get like extra damage if you to do I don't
I was then there would be a benefit of it.
Yeah, actually, they are, there are some,
I know like with the Bastard Sword,
there's a different damage die for using it one-handed.
Right, and that's with the Kitana for Asta.
Yeah.
It's 1d6 with one hand, 1d10 with two hands.
1d10 with two, and it's versatile.
I feel like the shield is so specific
in what we'd use it for, and it's so pretty inexpensive. Let's sell it. Yeah, it's all let us unbind it from you
I'm gonna use it for now if you don't mind. Okay, don't ruin it. Sounds like she might yeah
If you dig it all up nobody's gonna buy it. Yeah, don't break any of the gemstones
Don't get it wet
You walk into this next room you see there are feed it after midnight
There are papers everywhere covering the walls, scrolls, parchments, books, and two little creatures that have the body of a snake, but
with several arms and legs and they're holding quills and pens and number their hands and they are in fact holding
martinis and drinks as well and they come they've come sidling up sloshing these drinks
pointing their pens at you. Once again they look like this they have looks like five eyes three on
top of their head all stacked on one top of each other, and then two where normal eyes would be, really wide mouths atop their diamond shaped heads.
And their bodies kind of is like reptilian.
Yeah, it's very snake-ish.
Like it ends in a tail, a snake tail.
But yeah.
And I would say with long legs, but it's like long arms, because each one of them has like
a five digit like hand.
Right. It seems like all the legs are arms and so that comes crawling up on a number
of those to you and there's two of them that you can see and they kind of speak over each
other looking at you.
They say, oh, hi, oh, how are you?
You, you, how you.
Hello, we come on behalf of, what's the,
I'm blanking on where we were.
Gentheel. Gentheel.
We come on behalf of Gentheel.
Gentheel, Gentheel.
They start writing.
Son of Iscariot.
Son of Iscariot, we seek an audience with Ascariot.
Yeah.
With Ascariot, what is your name, your name?
Theomacus Barnes.
Theomacus Barnes, you.
Zephyr.
Zephyr.
Zephyr Vellos.
Vellos, how do you spell that?
The last name?
Yeah.
V-E-L-O-S.
And the first name?
Z-E-B-H-E-R.
Y-R.
Y-R, shit.
You spelled your own name.
No, I was trying so hard.
I was gonna say, oh no, oh no, oh no.
I was gonna say, I've been spelling it wrong.
Embarrassing.
What's your name?
Asta.
Asta, any family name?
You there, sir.
Turns to buckles Buggles.
Buggles.
Just Buggles.
He's just trembling, he's like so...
He's so scared.
You're in the front. He's in the front.
I know. I did not expect that.
Barnes addressed you kind of with his hand on your shoulder, standing behind you.
Buggles turns back to you when Buggles, Buggles, Buggles. And you. Buckles. Buckles. He turns back to the one, buckles, buckles, buckles.
They're right in the hooves in the back.
He just walked up to the front, like to next to Theomachus Barnes as he wants to kind of
like see what these, where these voices are coming from.
All their eyes kind of blink at different times.
I am Brother Ramius of Latria.
And he's looking at the, like they're writing it on a piece of parchment.
Yeah, like any of their hands at any one time is writing on something, writing on the floor,
writing on paper that another hand is holding.
What are they drinking?
Look it's there's some sort of brown liquid in most of the glasses one of them looks
like maybe a Dar... I mean Castrovallian bourbon.
Is there a sherry in it?
But they'll be drinking as they're writing and writing on surfaces, writing on the walls
as well.
Brother, what is that?
What is a brother?
It is a title.
It is a title.
I'm a cleric of sorts, a priest.
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I'm a father of Gruhasta.
Gruhasta, what is Gruhasta?
Gruhasta, you know not of Gruhasta.
Gruhasta is some kind of god.
Keeper, yes.
God who watches over you.
Keeper, yes.
Keeper, yes.
Keeper, yes.
Keeper, yes.
Keeper, yes.
Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper, yes. Keeper,asta, you know, not.
Grahasta. Grahasta, some kind of god.
Keeper, yes.
Ah.
God who watches over us all.
We come from very, very far away.
Oh, very far away, where do you come from?
Well, I...
Another planet.
Another planet.
Another planet, another planet,
Galarian, Galarian, yes, yes.
Have you heard this name before?
Yes, I have, yes, we have, yes.
What are your names?
I am Jarvis, and this is Woodaby.
Woodaby, and this is Jarvis.
And are you... what is your role here?
Yes, we are the secretaries, secretaries to the gardeners.
Yes.
Do you have an appointment? We don't, but it is a matter of great urgency.
Oh, they don't have an appointment. They don't have an appointment. No appointment.
No, but we need to speak to Iscrayel to talk about the... a Soyo, the curse?
Soyo, the curse. Oh, you don't know that. Do you have an appointment?
Yes.
Oh. Yes, may I see the appointment?
Yes.
I lost it.
Oh, then you don't have an appointment.
I did.
Could we make an appointment?
Oh, why?
Could they make an appointment?
Could they make an appointment?
Could they make an appointment?
It's possible.
We could also wait for a walk-in first available.
No.
No? Yes, perhaps we could do that as well. We could also wait for a walk-in first available. No. No?
Yes, perhaps we could do that as well.
Oh, we can, we can settle this.
Perhaps we can just ask you a few questions and make sure everything is above board, above
board, and then we will be able to pass on that information and perhaps secure you an
appointment.
Yes.
What is happening with this talking that you're doing?
Are they both talking at the same time?
Yeah, they're kind of talking over each other and like referring to each other and repeating
and kind of saying the same things.
Okay.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
You missed that key part.
What is this talking?
I love how like maybe half of us are really into it and Josh is like, what are you doing?
I don't like this.
Who are you?
No, no, no. No, it's great happening? I don't like this. Who are you?
No, no, no, it's great.
I just wanted to get a better sense of what exactly,
are they both saying identical things all the time?
Or does sometimes one say something the other doesn't?
Yeah, yeah, if I was two people, this would be great.
Are they, is one of them?
I would say for years, you're the second guy
up there with you.
Is one of them medium size and the other small?
No, they're both the same size.
They're both small.
I'll refresh.
Can Asta, as we've walked into the room now, we're talking to them, we're like, yeah, we'll
answer questions.
Can Asta do a, can I do a thievery check to look around in the papers to see if there
is any identifiable like what the
appointment would look like? Perception. Perception? Okay. Really likes once you
see it lately. Yeah I'm good at thievery. I'm just wondering when can I pick
pocket an appointment. This river up ahead. I use thievery to swim across it. I'm gonna steal my way across. Who cares?
It doesn't matter. She's doing her best. I rolled a six. I tried my best. I did my best. I rolled a six.
You like put your arm on the table and hit your head on
Oh my god.
But I guess my best wasn't good enough
Wow. Live up to it.
Wow.
But I guess my best wasn't good enough I love you, Steve. Very impressive. Wow, live update! Wow! Oh look, a small bird!
I love his big eyes!
Very impressive.
So amazing.
We just need some basic information.
Um, to secure you an appointment.
Where were you born?
You.
Oh, sorry.
Brother Ramius, follower of Rastro-Rastro-Latria, yes.
The Shadow Isle.
The Shadow Isle.
Where's that?
It's in the ocean.
The ocean. On Galarian. An island surrounded by water. Where's that? It's in the ocean. The ocean.
Hi.
An island surrounded by water.
Sorry, if you don't know the planet,
how could I know that it's there?
No, no, this is all very important.
And you, without the armacus, Barnes, where were you born?
I was born in a small village, Ust-A-Lav.
Ust-A-Lav.
What was the village called?
Fielders Crossing.
Fielders Cross, Fielders Crossing, sounds lovely.
Why does it seem like you're lying?
Because the person robing Barnes right now had to make that up on the spot.
Fielders Crossing is a good name.
That's pretty good.
And you, Zephyr Velos, the one who can't spell her name.
I was born in Silver Strand Harbor.
Silver Strand Harbor.
Where is that near water?
Yeah, it's a coastal trade town in Eurasia.
Coastal trade town.
Do you have parents?
Yeah, yep, I do.
Where were you born?
Elyrian.
What's that?
Elyrian.
I don't know what you're saying.
Elyrian.
Elyrian.
Is that a place, or is it a state of mind?
No, it's a place, it's in the Verduran forest.
Verduran forest, there are trees there, yes?
Yes.
Oh, there are trees there, there are trees there.
There are trees there.
Many, many trees.
How do you spell it?
Elyrian?
I don't think that's a word.
E-L-U-R-I-A-N.
Oh, look at that.
Elyrian.
And you, where are you from?
I am from the Madam's House.
Vagos is from the Madam's House.
Is that some sort of great continent?
It was a house that belonged to five mistress.
You're from a house?
I was raised there.
I lived there.
But, silence up to you.
But where was this house?
It was far away in a place beyond the gate.
What was that place called?
It was called my madam's house.
Do any of you know where he's from?
No, and I don't see its importance here.
Why are we being interrogated on these matters?
Just a couple more questions and then we'll move forward.
What were your parents' names?
Can I roll a perception around the room to make sure, like,
they're not setting us up for something horrible?
It's because we don't have an appointment, Brother Remius.
I don't understand why my parents' names have been relevant.
Did you wet the bed as a child?
23 perception.
23 perception.
Um...
It kind of feels like they are not who they say they are.
And just kind of keeping you here, but you don't know to what end.
What is your oldest member?
There's a door to the south.
Barnes is going to start walking towards the door.
Oh no, you can't. No, they back out.
I'm sorry, I need to use the restroom.
They scuttle back on their hands. Oh no, you can't go in there.
I need to use the restroom, sorry.
Oh no, there's no bathroom in there.
Sorry, why can't I pass through that way?
Because that way is barred to only people who have an appointment, but as I said, we can secure you.
Well, let us make an appointment.
Yes, just a few more questions.
I'm gonna open the door. Are your parents living and they attack?
Oh man!
Bro!
Bro!
Theomachus!
Theomachus!
Just getting the job done.
Instead of sitting around dilly dallying,
why don't we just fight and kill?
A man of action. I wanted to answer their questions.
Yeah, I was having fun. I was not about to turn over my social security number. Yeah
We're simply asking for your earliest memory and the names of your parents and whether or not you wet the bed
Yeah, it's a child just don't understand this basic questions first date stuff. You know what it's interesting
on some paperwork like name date of birth, social security,
the doctor's office, you make it through,
and then it's like allergies, did you hit the bed?
Earliest memory.
You've been lulled into a forest ball,
sent to some place.
Oh, at one point, like, yes?
One time?
I have?
You check yes. I still do.
And then you write like, but only once.
I was a child.
It was weeks ago.
Yes, but that was weeks ago. It was weeks ago.
That was weeks ago. It was weeks ago.
And it wasn't pee.
Zephyr, what's your odds?
Oh God, oh they got that, threw me off.
13. 13.
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, 16.
Oh, much better.
For Zephyr, what about Brother Ramious?
25. 25 for Brother Ramious? 25.
25 for...
Brother Ramu.
Okay, Buggles?
Uh, also 25.
There he goes!
Okay, Barnsy?
Natural 1.
Oh, you didn't!
Or an 8.
Oh, wow, so you're distracted going for the door.
Man, my hands on the doorknob, it was very distracting.
C'mon!
Ah, so you've turned your back.
Uh, Dirty 20.
Dirty 20! Fills your back. Dirty 20. Dirty 20.
Fills the hole.
Oh, that dirty 20.
All right, a rare one here.
Brother Ramius with a 25 goes first.
Oh, all right, so Barnes seems to trigger them to attack.
All right, so he is going to just go on instinct here
and pray for the intercession of the Keeper
to help us all and cast Bless.
Immediately give everybody a plus one to hit if they are within 15 feet of him.
Nice.
And then, but one of these creatures is right next to him so he's going to use his third
action to cast Shield.
Just bring a Shield up in front of himself.
Okay, there's Bless for you.
Looks like everybody, right?
Yes, my Bless was for you. like everybody right yes my bless was no losses
Outside of the bless you know what I'm sorry. Let me just just real quick
You guys can see the thing so I've got this crossbow that is you know where'd you get that from?
Thank you, it's awesome for me
It's mine. Yes, the rune is Barnes. No
I believe that's what I remember. Mm-hmm
So he has this crossbow, but the crossbow I mean it needs to be shot two-handed right? Yes
But I can take a hand off of it in order to cast shield right?
Yeah, you know if you have to spend an action though to restore a hand to your weapon.
I think that's what...
Yeah.
Release is a free action.
Releasing is free and then...
But then grasping is an action.
Or was but free remastered.
Yeah, I don't know what it is now.
I think it might be. I'll look it up.
But for now I'm going to release and cast shield.
Boom!
And this bluish magical shield comes up between him and the creature that is right next to him in melee. Scary
Cool yeah, I'm trying to find what that was like change grip or something. That's not change grip though. You're like releasing
I'll look at it. I'm curious. I'll dig in. Alright great. So you didn't cast an offensive spell. Correct. Okay great
It's now Buggles turn you You guys a couple you rolled higher.
Buggles...
Oh boy.
Yeah, okay, Buggles is going to with trembling hand
cast Frostbite on
the creature closest to me. So please give me a Fortitude save.
All right, I'll get a little,
actually no, I won't get a bonus for its Fortitude
because it's not an attacking spell.
All right, so that's gonna be a 16.
Ah, that's a fail.
Nice. Nice.
Okay, so six points of frost damage.
Okay.
And then I will also raise a shield.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
What's going on here?
He's thinking real hard over there.
He's been acting weird all episode.
I know.
Now he's starting to smile.
He's been trying to throw us off with these characters
who are not who they say they are.
Okay, no, we're good.
Okay, it's Asta's turn.
Okay.
Asta is going to move up. Now I move into the Aura of Bless, correct? So I can get that effect?
Yes.
And I am going to Spellstrike.
Yeah, there you go.
I'm going to cast Slashing Gust. Or no, you know what? Let me do Gouging Claw as I go in for the attack.
So here I go with my Katana.
And I whiff.
Oh, come on.
Wait, say it.
So 13, there's no way that hits.
I don't even know why you said it.
Oh, sorry, wait, wait, wait, sorry.
A 14, thanks for the bless, Joe.
So I crit, right?
Yes.
All right, so that's my full turn.
13 was a miss, but 14 was a crit.
You see all this energy,
and then they're just tiny little guys,
and she just misses.
All right, it's Witherbee's turn.
Witherbee is the one that was hit.
The name of the characters.
Oh no, I forgot, I wrote Bartholomew.
Why did I write Bartholomew?
Witherbee and Jarvis.
I got
Jarvis I'm sorry this is not the one that was hit this is the one that is
nearest to bonds all right let's get stupid what is happening here it comes It comes a martini in your face
It's already adjacent to Barnes in this little square here, so it's just kind of like stabs you with its pen Oh, oh, oh, oh, right in the eyeballs like a hit you with a fountain pen. It's a 20 to hit
That is it hit exactly the same exact thing last episode
Say exact you didn't raise your shield?
I haven't gone yet.
All right, a couple things are gonna happen.
Six piercing damage as the fountain pen goes into your skin.
And then I need you to roll a...
Oh yeah, no, you're gonna take 1d4 persistent poison damage
from the ink inside it.
Oh wow, it's poison ink!
And when a creature taking the damage attempts to take an action with the concentrate check,
it must make a DC5 flat check or the action is disrupted.
Wow, so cool!
Something in the ink that is like throwing you off.
Alright, so that was...
1d4 poison? Mm-hmm. Okay. that is like throwing you off. All right, so that was- One D for poison.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
And then it will do the same thing
to Brother Ramius there.
Ruh-roh.
Ruh-roh.
No, please.
All right, with the map, that is going to be a 20,
20, dirty 20.
Wow, with the map.
Excuse me, 22.
Yeah, that's a hit.
Oof. All right, 22. I am going to do a shield block. 20 dirty 20 Wow with the math excuse me 22
All right, 20 choose I am going to do shield block
Okay, so it would be six points of piercing. Yeah, so I will
Reduce it by five and shatter the shield shield is gone. And do you take one? I take one. Okay, and then give me a
Fortitude no, no, I'm sorry. No for to save I save I said the same thing. It's just 1d4 persistent poison So you'll take poison you'll take boys. Oh, there's no safe. Yeah, it says
The creature persistent poison. Yeah
Brutal and then it
It is going to move down one space. I keep having this target thing on,
I'm gonna shut this off.
Move down one space to stand next to Barnsey.
Okay.
And it is Zephyrstern.
All right, if I move up to this corner right here
between Bugles and Asta, can I reach the top guy,
which I think is Jarvis? Oh, yeah
Yeah, you're right next to him. Cool. I wasn't sure cuz he's small. He's in like the yeah
He basically he can he's he's in every space in that square, but he's right one square away from you
all right move up one spot and
Blurry of flows. Yeah
With my plus one from my plus. Let's go.
So that's a 20 for the first one. Yeah, yeah, and the second one.
24. Two hits.
So fortitude save please. Fortitude save is a 25. That's fine. And then so with the two
hits on
Whoo-hoo. Oh wait so much so much math nine
14 points of damage
14 points of damage awesome. Yeah about this little guy and it asking all these questions and they're not being mean she just
Runs up kicks him in the chest
Spills all this wine shut up
And you still got some actions left oh shoot, okay. Yeah, right with my last action. I'm going to get away
Oh shoot, okay yeah right with my last action I'm going to get away. Bye.
Uh, cause I don't want to be stabbed with poison.
Okay you pull back away after doing some damage.
It is now Jarvis's turn.
Jarvis is right next to Ramius and Asta.
He's going to go and stab at Asta.
That is a 19 to hit. Miss. Misses with a 19 is gonna try and stab again.
16 misses. Let's go for the trifecta here.
And just miss miss miss.
Let me just make absolutely sure here.
Yeah, 16 would miss on the end. So stab, stab, stab, and you're just dodging back and forth.
Three misses, and last for the round is the Amicus Barnes.
Okay, I'll exploit Vulnerability.
Terrible, 18.
Okay, so you get one real, one fake if you hit it.
So it's a failure?
No, it's a success.
That's a success.
Yeah.
Okay, no, so then I get their highest weakness. Okay, it's a success. That's a success. Yeah. Okay. No, so that's so then I get their their highest weakness
Okay, it has no weakness
So I'll end up so then those that has a 17 compared to the recall knowledge. Do you see 17 or 18?
You said 18 18. It's good. I like it. All right, so then I get then I get a piece of I get a piece of information
These information, okay
These are creatures known as scale scribes so cool interesting
Yeah, they're like chroniclers
All right, why the heck were they lying to us?
Well, they're just well, they're like deceiving trying to stall us. Yeah, they're just literate goons
They are spell casters
Trying to give you something good here.
Do they have any resistances or that's an easy one? No.
No, they don't have anything.
They get a plus two status bonus on saves versus linguistic effects.
Oh, interesting. I'll try to keep that in mind.
Okay.
You could also give...
So like the comm...
Don't just go off of Professor Eric.
When all else fails, you can give the lowest saving point.
Uh, yeah, fortitude.
That's good.
Piece of useful information.
That's true. Yeah, for comm...
Oh yeah.
Or charm.
Charm.
Okay, I will now use the exploit vulnerability.
I will go for its use the exploit vulnerability. I'll attempt I will Go for its personal weakened a personal antithesis
And I will attack with kukri kukri
terrible
Miss
Okay
Can't wait for him to have that rune. Rolling.
That would have helped.
Good one. That's a notch in the no column.
Did you?
Did you hit on your turn with that spell strike there, Asta?
Oh my gosh.
Oh my god.
This would be so much fun.
We should have, we should track it and be like the first one of you that gets to like
ten hits or something.
I'm tracking it right now.
Ten successful hits gets the rune.
Oh, that's fun.
That would be so fun.
That would be so fun.
So, you both missed.
Neither of us, okay.
Neither of us.
Starting at zero.
I don't know if 10 is too many, but.
No pointy ears, that's scoring me!
Okay, Barnes is going, no that would be a terrible idea.
So I'm just gonna attack again, this guy I'm down here with. Okay. Okay, that's going to know that would be a terrible idea. So I'm just gonna attack again at this guy
I'm down here with okay
Okay, that's a little better 18 to hit 18 hits
This is great little mini-game, yeah, you have to earn the room takes a real gambler to come up with this idea
Parlay with this
Sydney we saying five on me. What's your bonus to hit?
It's about the dice.
Honestly.
Yeah, it is about the dice.
Twelve points of damage.
Twelve points of damage.
Including the weakness.
Honestly, the bonuses to hit would affect the Vic.
Yeah, the Vic.
Exactly.
He'd give you minus 110.
He'd give you minus 110, minus 130.
He'd give you points at least.
You gotta get points on this.
Degenerate.
I'm gonna parlay Matthew's hits and the under...
You're not gonna say Matthew?
And Sydney under five by the time Matthew hits it.
God, we gotta take a break. I gotta think of this. Be right back.
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Sometimes our breaks are really fast and sometimes we just start riffing.
This was a long break.
This was the latter.
This was a long break.
But it all started with what is your to hit?
It's already been said.
10 is the number.
Okay.
Everyone at home I know is placing bets.
We got to get the numbers right.
We want to make sure we're doing this fair.
My to hit is a plus 10. We're in the Bless aura. A plus 11 with that.
A plus 11 with the Bless. And Matthew, yours is?
Plus 10 with the Bless, plus nine outside the Bless.
All right. So the odds should be stacked in Asta's favor. However, Joe, rather interesting
point.
Yeah, you would think that just based on those numbers at Barnes is the underdog. However, Joe, rather interesting point. You would think that just based on those numbers that Barnes is the underdog.
However, my point was I think they slightly even out
because of the way the characters are played.
Barnes is designed to probably swing twice and around
more often.
Incorrect.
OK.
Then he's still the underdog.
But regardless, we mentioned that with the Megas class,
if I do a spell strike, that's two actions.
And then you're just going to recharge the spell strike
usually rather than going for another attack. It's not incentivized to do the third. Yeah. like if I do a spell strike, that's two actions. Right, and then you're just going to like recharge the spell strike usually,
rather than going for another attack.
It's not incentivized to do the third.
Yeah.
It's just crazy because I'm on DraftKings right now and I don't see this anywhere.
And they have everything.
They have everything.
It didn't update yet?
No, maybe it'll just.
I just put it in.
Weird.
Try Caesar's.
Yeah, try Caesar's.
I have a couple bucks in Caesar's.
Try Caesar's.
Try Caesar's.
Or MGM Bank. GM Benz.
That half sucks.
Do you have anything left of your turn?
I think my turn ended hours ago.
Yeah, but you're one up.
You're not one hit.
One hit towards the root.
One regular normal hit.
I am done with roll offs.
We need to earn these items.
This is how we need to do it.
I'm saying it now just in case.
We roll off our temporary custody.
And then we have the custody trial, which is stuff like this.
Yeah, which is like, because a lot of times people's argument is like, I would use it
more.
This is how they should determine like parental.
Well, now we'll see.
How much would you actually have used up, too?
If I lose, I'm going to be so pissed because I not only found the item, I rolled for it
one and freely gave it to you to use until I need it.
I'm not going to use it.
And now we're in this position where she's got to fight to get it back.
She's going to have to fight. She just has to roll well. That's all.
Well, here's the thing.
I have to fighting. And you also have an advantage.
I'd like to lock in my three leg parlay.
Okay.
What is it?
I'm taking Matthew Moneyline.
So wait, this comes up at the top of the screen. It's like Troy, big money parlay.
Big money parlay. I'm taking a three leg. I'm taking Matthew Moneyline. So wait, this comes up at the top of the screen. It's like Troy, big money parlay. Big money parlay.
I'm taking a three leg.
I'm taking Matthew Moneyline.
Which means Matthew's going to win the bet.
Yeah, I'm doing an alternate under, under six on Asus.
I'm only going to get to six by the time he gets to 10.
Under six.
So it's going to be.
Under six.
If you get to six, Troy loses his whole parlay.
Right.
And the third leg, this is what really boosted it, is under half a crit by Kate.
I'm so confused.
You're speaking another language.
Like, how am I involved?
What are you saying?
In the time that it takes Matthew to get 10 hits,
you will not get a single crit.
That's what I do.
That's why I don't win.
You didn't need to involve me in this.
That's what a parley is.
You have juiced it all the way up to like plus 1,200.
You know what you actually should do?
We should tally the damage we do.
No.
No.
That's too much math.
I thought about that, but it's just too much.
Let's just do hits.
I just want to add in though, as a caveat, a crit equals 2.
No.
Whoa.
That is interesting.
Actually, yeah.
If you crit, it equals 2.
Because also, I want to get through this.
I don't want to be keeping this bet going
for 10 episodes,
because you and I are not going to hit.
Let's be honest.
We're not going to hit.
The most important thing is if my parlay hits.
I am putting it all,
I'm putting it all on green.
I'm green in the situation on the roulette ticker.
This caveat changes my under.
And if I crit, I ruin everything?
Yeah, I don't like it.
Okay, do you want,
well, let's vote on the crit. And if Kate crits. ruin everything? Yeah, that's bullshit. I don't like it. Okay, do you want, well let's vote on the crit.
And if Kate crits.
Is the crit worth two hits?
Then I win it.
No.
Yeas, raise your hand.
It's bullshit that a crit would be worth two hits
because all we're telling is if you can connect
and if you who connects more.
It's true.
So you don't, okay.
So a crit equals two hits, raise your hand if you agree.
I agree, Skitt agrees.
Yeah.
All right, we lose.
I don't agree.
So basically, the crit is the equivalent of two hits.
That's what I'm saying. I basically just bet that Kate a little credit. It's more fun. It's a crit. Oh shit two hits and then yeah
So who agrees crit is worth two hits raise your hand. Okay, we're at a stalemate. We're at a stalemate. All right, Francis
Call round two brother I'm ready to put my bed in.
I can't be.
Francis just yelled a crit is two hits.
Thank you.
I already put my bed in.
It's like Aaron Rodgers is out.
It's voided.
I'm right in the back.
It's voided.
Asterisk the whole thing.
The windows are closed.
The bedding is closed.
We're done.
I locked in my bed before you started changing the line.
And it's Kate Crits and you can't get more than six for his parlay.
Well, his parding is closed. We're done. I like my bed before you start changing line
If she crits and then you get sex in my parlay crits, he's it's done. Yeah. All right. I'm glad I'm not doing the parlay I'm glad I locked it in before I changed the crits This is the stupidest thing. How much money? Not only is it stupid, but the way Joe is like...
What?
Come on buddy, do you need water?
He's like urging on a horse at the Freakness or something.
Yeah, come on, come on!
Come on, Varts!
I'm gonna brush him down after the episode.
Make sure he's comfortable.
How is he in mud?
Do you want me to polish your dice?
Ramoo! Brother Ramoo is... How is it in mud? Do you want me to polish your dice? Go. Ramu.
Brother Ramu is, oh boy, I don't want
to step too far away from Barnes here,
because I want to make sure he gets the blast.
Also, I want to bring back epic combat music.
There we go.
He is, I'll have to use that crossbow.
Let's do it.
He will, yeah, he'll take a step back away It's cool away from the creature Okay, and he will point and fire spunk
At the the one that is just in the south of Austin you cast bless so you release the item. Oh
You're right
You're right. So it's yes. Well step back. It is an action to put my hand back on it and then an action of fire
Thank you, Kate. So that means I can't do the thing I want to do with my third action.
16 to hit.
Miss Meryl.
And that's his turn.
But the bless is still going.
You're within 15 feet. You still get a plus one.
Should Joe's should Joe's hits count against one of us?
I can see you because you guys are working together.
Yeah, clearly.
We're not working together.
Every time Joe hits it resets the counter.
It's the first of 10 hits before Ramious gets all hit.
This is getting ugly.
Whoever has the most time, you get all hit.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna credit. I like gambling. There the, whoever has the most fun time, you get all hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna be the critic.
I like gambling, there's a lot of people
that don't like gambling.
This is so insanely fun.
There are gonna be people listening to this podcast
that are gonna be dying in the coming weeks
for the hits of Barnes versus Asta.
Might be my favorite 15 minutes of everything.
No.
No.
versus Austin. Might be my favorite 15 minutes of everything.
I try to tell these people that tell me that they like the VIP hangs and stuff that they
don't like sports. I'm like, if you like our show, you like sports. Like you don't realize
it.
You may not realize it, but.
You just haven't quite realized.
I like gambling, but my issue is I'm very competitive. So now.
You're going to be so much more angry when you don't hit.
I'm gonna be upset when I don't hit.
This is like a whole other layer of tension and drama to what we're doing.
And it's just gone through the roof.
That's what gambling is.
I'm so high right now!
Okay.
I like that you're sitting between us just feeding off of the...
I'm just like, ooh, fight around me. Fight around me.
I can't wait till we take you to a casino. Oh, I'm gonna like, ooh, fight around me. Fight around me, I love you. I can't wait till we take you to a casino.
Oh, I'm gonna go crazy.
Still never been to a casino.
This is my casino.
It's happening, it's happening.
This is my casino.
Bring him up here.
Wheels are in motion.
All right, we forgot a couple things.
Theomachus, I need you to take some damage.
Oh yeah.
You're gonna take damage of the variety of 1d4,
poison damage, two points of poison.
Now roll your flat John
Take damage and flat John
Eat it or I see will continue with that
You will continue with the flat check the DC five if you want to do whatever was something with the constant concentrate
And then you take one point of poison give me the flat flat. Oh
13 who salad
Buggles turn round Flat. Oh, 13. Who? Salad.
Buggles turn, round two.
Okay, so on Buggles' turn,
the aura emerges from him, this fiery aura.
Yes.
And his personality changes, and you hear,
and he speaks in this like other language, subtitles,
say like, how dare you interrogate this vessel, insolent serpent.
And boom, ignition.
Yeah.
Is it melee?
Yes, melee and amped.
And oh boy, that is a 26.
That is a 26 to hit.
Okay, a couple things happen. No. 26 is a 26. That is a 26 to hit. Okay. Couple things happen.
No.
26 is a hit.
Okay.
What is your caster,
what is it, not caster level, your caster?
Class DC.
Class DC.
Caster's DC.
19.
19?
Okay.
You cast this spell,
and this spell has variable components.
And as you say it you
see him like writing on a piece of paper in his hand like transcribing what you
say and then he holds that paper in his hand. That's a hit.
Okay. It's a recognized spell. That does sound super fun. He's gonna like use it against...
It's a psychic spell. Oh, it's psychic it doesn't have verbal. That's you Oh, this is the one time that has ever been. I know I was actually kind of excited to see what
Fuckery was gonna happen
Remembered at the first time I forgot of the second time yeah
That would have been fun. That would have been uh that is 20 points of fire damage. Oh
Amazing all right, and this is the one right south of a pasta pasta. Yeah, okay 20 points of fire damage. Oh! Amazing. All right, and this is the one right south of Asta?
Of Asta, yeah.
Okay, 20 points of fire damage.
He is in rough shape.
Okay, and then, boom, shield.
Oh no, actually, then, after that,
I am going to do a,
side blast.
I'm gonna do a side blast.
So give me a Psy Burst, sorry.
So give me a Reflex save.
Okay, and this is all still mental, right?
Yep.
Reflex is gonna be 15.
That's a fail.
Oh, and poopy.
Poopy doopy.
Five more points of mental damage.
Nice. Wow.
What a turn.
Five more points. This is. Nice. Wow. What a turn. Shpua. Five more points.
This is the Kaula Khan unleashed.
By the way, technicality, but if you could move my aura,
the Blessar is on me.
Moved with your whomp.
Just FYI, yeah.
Okay.
Blessar has moved.
Zephyr's the only one outside of it.
And it is Asta's turn.
Okay.
Asta!
Asta, spell struck last round,
so she can't do it until she recharges,
but I'm not incentivized to do that,
so I'm just gonna swing with my katana.
You guys wanted to gamble?
This is the one. Here we go.
All right, 23 to hit.
Oh!
Ha ha!
Oh! Ha ha!
Oh!
Ding ding!
Let me just mark that as a one.
All right, now continuing on with the damn zony.
All right, that's gonna be D10.
Where's my D10?
You got this.
Okay.
Six points of damage.
And you kill it.
Oh, nice!
Nice!
Awesome! You would have wasted a spell strike on that.
That's awesome.
Chop off like three of its arms,
it starts bleeding out and it falls.
She looks at Barnes and raises one eyebrow
and then she runs up to 12.
Have you spell strike yet?
Last round.
Yeah, so do your thing here.
Don't tell me what to do.
I'm just trying to help you. Don't tell me I'm just trying to help you
Tell me what I can't do
I am running up to the other creature and I'm just gonna swing again at it because I'm incentivized to try to win
You know assaults you still would still get the attack and you know, I see you're saying do my dimensional assault
I thought you were saying recharge. Yeah dimensional assault it recharges your spell strength. Yeah, I could do and you get the time
So tell me what to do. I
Recharges your spell strength. Yeah, I could do that. You get the fact so tell me what to do. I
Like getting advice
There's no help. Thank you for the advice. I'm going to choose to take it as an independent kitsune woman
Did your best free thinking?
Free-thinking I did my best. But I guess my best wasn't gonna lose a little cause here we are. Uh, now.
I'm so scared.
Dimensional assault.
That's so good.
She blinks like out over this dead body.
Asta disappears for a moment.
And then as she blinks back in,
she's thrusting her katana into this creature.
Look at Matthew's heart pal.
I know, this is.
It takes the map, but that's still gonna be a 21.
Add it in front of us.
Wait.
Oh, she rolled the dice.
Sorry, 20.
Wait, no, no, with the bless.
Hold on, with the bless.
I'm in no rush.
I'm in no rush.
No, no, no.
A 20 with the bless.
You're sure?
Yes.
Let me sit along for a minute.
What's the dice?
Why are you doing this?
Because the die is 14.
Right.
My hit is a plus 5 for my second attack and a plus 1 for the...
There you go.
It's a hit.
Oh!
Dude, that armor's not looking good.
Double them up.
Time.
All right.
Tricked!
So that's gonna be... Cash it out! The bag drop! looking good. Oh man. Double them up. Time. All right. Dranked.
So that's gonna be.
Cash it out.
The bag job.
Oh, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 points of damage.
Holy s.
Points of damage.
And gee, I wonder if it's a coincidence
that you just had the best round Osta's ever had.
Yeah.
Now that you're like in the zone.
Of course they're gonna take ownership.
Of your successes.
Of course.
As they always do. You weren't there for me when I was shit. Of course they're gonna take ownership of your successes.
As they always do.
You weren't there for me when I, shit.
So you're not gonna be there for me when I win that rune.
You don't deserve her at her brother-amious ritual.
At her best.
She's doing her best.
It eats the teeth.
It's the rune.
All right, let's rock.
My catch out option is 1 17th of my original bet.
Um.
It's withersby's turn.
My last action.
You got six actions.
You used 14 already.
No.
No.
Dimensional assault's one action, right?
Yeah, I believe that.
You attacked.
Dimensional assault, and then you attacked again.
But dimensional assault includes the attack.
It includes a free attack.
Attack again.
So now I'm going to.
You can roll a natural 20.
I'm going to attack again.
You could get a real lead here.
All right, here I go.
Here I go. And it would double. I again. You could get a real lead here. All right, here I go, here I go.
And it would double.
I know, if you get a nat.
Natural 20!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Critical crack, critical crack, critical crack.
Oh my god!
Critical crack!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Wow!
Wow!
Wow!
Wow!
So Sydney four, Matthew one.
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
Wow.
Well, you have to make sure that it was a hit.
Of course it was a hit.
I'm sweating.
Because there's no bonus.
It's just a 20.
It's plus a one.
Oh yeah, 21.
21.
Wow.
So she's up.
That's still only three for my ticket.
For my ticket.
All right, four to one.
You want to get a crit out just to see what happens?
Oh, that was a natural 20, wasn't it?
Natural 20.
Maybe it'll be like you get an extra hit
for maximum damage.
And it counts again, whatever bet you have.
Whatever bet you have.
Whatever bet Troy loses his parlay.
Unless you make a 42 save.
Can you Google by name? You win and your current bets I'm whatever bet. You can't lose a light. And Troy loses his parlay. Unless you make a 42 save.
Can you Google my name?
You win and your current bets better open.
Wait, if Asta dies before this bet is settled.
Whoa, Matthew.
She's just scoring a net 20.
So you're gonna talk about her death?
You are so jealous.
Way to bring it down.
I think we need to explore all the options here.
You are in rough shape.
Yeah, you've got a long fight to get back.
You should concentrate on your own business.
Yeah, you should.
I would love to.
You have a lot of cats and up to do, Matthew.
If you go into the specifics of the bet in the app,
there is extensive fine print.
And I think one of them covers Asta's death.
All right, let's go.
This one from Normo McBeard in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Normo. Normo McBeard. Normo McBeard. This, Minnesota. Normo McBeard.
Normo McBeard.
This one is called Post Crit Clarity.
Ooh.
This is bad for you, Matthew.
You deliver a masterful stroke
and a sense of resolve washes over you.
Double damage and you gain the benefits of heroism
for 1d4 rounds.
She's gonna kill it here.
So now you get a bonus.
It'll just die, so I guess it's not gonna impact the better.
She's gonna run right into the next room.
You know what?
Go to the fucking car!
I'm just like, I wanna win this now!
I did roll a four, so it is four rounds.
Okay.
As long as this benefits the party, I'm happy.
All right, so.
It's loser talk.
As long as it's a loser party.
I always forget, I roll once and double it, okay, so eight sixteen sixteen points of damage points of damage
Fuck it up. Okay, but not dead not dead. I'll still got a chance by chance Brother a minister to separate stay away
Zephyr it is your turn It's a it's gonna get a bonus to its AC if you try to shoot anything from there. It's not it's with a B-stern
It's always with a B-stern. That's right. I skipped ahead. We're
Shocking and driving with a beast dead. I know with the beast still kick it. Oh, I thought whether B was the one that I'd he takes a look
I know Jarvis
Jarvis died alright, so what can we do here?
How can I dangle five dollars in front of you can't even you can't even look at your initiative tracker anymore
I want Fandle
if I get better odds now
They've got him shifted just a straight balance it's there a boost on candle I got a hedge with Sydney
All right, so
He's saying he made another
Sydney to win so that his losses won't be so like just doubled heads called edgy
All right, so here's what we do. I'm gonna stab Asta. I'm gonna attempt to stab Asta with my fountain pen.
29 to hit.
Oh, yeah, that hits.
Not a crit.
Not a crit.
Okay.
And...
Cindy, you should cry foul here,
because he could have attacked me,
and he's going for you to depress your odds.
I know.
I'm gonna kill you just so I can win.
My bet, five, it's like being injured,
and the guy you bet on didn't hit his overrun.
I was like, well, now he's out of the game!
All right, so five points of piercing, It's like being injured and you the guy you bet on didn't hit his over under
All right, so five points of piercing and you take 1d4 persistent poison you'll need a flat check DC 5
Whenever you want to use the concentrate check so it stabbed you and then he says
Why did you just stab me if you don't want to die? I just want you to let you know that I can put up a fight still.
Okay, drop all of your quills and I won't stab you.
How do I know you're telling the truth?
How do I know you're telling the truth? Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick- Martini glasses shatter Interact action interact action Glasses shatter Jarvis goes
Kudagrax kudagrax
One two alright we're back in the game
So would you call him helpless right now?
Just stab a corpse
Those were all automatic games
So wait when he surrenders
Does that lower his AC?
His hands are up All of his AC? Yeah. His hands are up.
All of his hands?
All of his hands.
Well yeah, he'd just fall if he did that.
Oh, true.
Most of his hands are up.
Please, please, I didn't mean any harm.
Who are you?
Why are you here?
I am a wanderer.
We found our way in here looking for knowledge, seeking knowledge, not unlike what you are seeking.
But now you've killed my lifelong companion, Jarvis, and I do not want to suffer the same
fate.
Please.
But you attacked us.
You spoke of appointments and asked us questions and asked if I had wet the bed.
Yes, we crave information.
You don't even work here.
We didn't even need an appointment.
No, we just really like to learn things.
And so asking questions helps us learn and it feeds us in the way that food feeds you.
We're just looking for sustenance and so we were hoping to continue to question,
but you wouldn't listen to us and you wanted to move ahead and we didn't want you to do that.
And now look, Jarvis is dead and I am injured and I have dropped on my pants
perhaps I could just leave and
Start a new life. Tell us everything you've learned about this place
And brother Ramess's poison
Uh... We're gonna have to deal with this.
AHH!
He doubles over and grabs his stomach.
Every time with a roleplay.
Theomachus you take one.
Ramius you take one. Give me your flat checks.
Oh, 13 again.
I don't know, I mean this is a whole thing.
What do I take?
Two. He's gonna work on himself
and do a medicine check to
whatever the poison.
14? No? That's not good enough?
DC 15.
Oh, DC 15.
Treat poison. He's gonna treat poison.
So you take two damage, you both take one, and then you're gonna treat poison on yourself?
I'm gonna treat poison on myself so that I can be in a clear place.
Does that give you a bonus with a flat check?
Yes.
You do that?
You get a plus two circumstance bonus
to its next saving throw against the poison.
Because there's no saving throw.
Oh, wait.
Oh, wait.
Is this a bonus to the flat check?
There's something you can.
No, this is a circumstance bonus to the saving
throw against the poison.
This would be poison that has stages.
Yeah, that's not what this does.
Because I get that heroism.
Heroism to attack rolls, perception check,
saving throws, and skill checks.
Just a flat check.
Doesn't count?
Yeah.
All right, so maybe I could say, Yorink, it's poisoned me.
Do you have an antidote?
Do you have something to help?
No, no, it was meant to kill you slowly.
And so you take some more damage.
Barnes, you take three, Ramius one, Asta one.
I feel.
Does it make any sense?
You want knowledge from us
and then you try to kill us with your pens?
Yes, well we were hoping that we could just
keep one of you alive and question you to death.
What's in the glasses?
What's that?
What is in the glasses?
That was alcohol.
We like to drink while we read, don't you?
Yes.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
And then.
Uh.
Uh.
He kind of like lifts his head up just because he's sweating
yes, yes
did anybody pass it?
no
are you taking the damage?
yes
I'm just, there has to be something
there was something you did that lowered the flat check
yeah but you need to do something that would help you
oh the antidote that you took.
That's what it is.
You guys use your antidote.
But it's weird to like, you can do something
with persistent damage to help your flat check
and bring it to DC 11.
But you have to like do something
that you described to the GM.
It's not, it's all narrative.
But with a poison that's in your system,
I don't know what that was.
Okay, here.
I throw it.
Barnes is gonna do this.
He's gonna take his kukri and he's gonna cut an opening
where he got stabbed and then he's gonna suck out the poison.
Oh, I like that.
Okay, and that lowers the flat check by?
To DC 11, if you're cool with it.
I like that, yeah.
So I'll take a point of damage or something to do that?
Yeah, all right, so you're gonna take three points of damage.
And then a point for the knife that I do.
Yeah, so four points of damage, thank you.
And now it's DC 11.
And now it's DC 11. And now it's DC 11.
If I fail this, I'm gonna be so mad.
And I'm just gonna do it.
If not, you'll just keep sucking.
Okay, natural 19.
Nice, you're good.
Ramius, you're gonna take four.
Jesus, four and he fails again.
Oh man.
Asta, you're gonna take three.
Give me the flat check.
I'm the Ramius.
And I'll do the same.
I'm gonna do the same thing.
You wanna do throw up?
15.
Okay, you're good.
Make it quick.
I'm gonna do the same thing the brother did. And he turns and looks at three.
He looks away from Barnes and the knife.
And I'm gonna cut an opening with the kukri and then go.
He was stabbed in his inner thigh, brother.
Oh, sorry.
The inner thigh.
Oh my god.
I believe the quill went in his penis.
All right.
So immature.
Was it hurt you, was it hurt me? boys are gonna hurt me!
It's gonna hurt you boys!
Actually, I think...
Actually, I think you'll quite enjoy this.
What is wrong with you, Vane?
Oh my god.
You're still playing in middle school.
Something just changed.
Fail again.
Take four points of poison.
You're gonna die.
You're gonna die from this.
He could heal, I could heal myself.
Why would you use a bottle cap?
I spit out the poison.
Oh my god, 96 team.
We all sit down.
So is it cool if I just leave?
I grab him, I grab him. You tell us everything you know about this.
I grab him by the neck.
Any creatures you've encountered, any spaces, where can we find...
What's behind this door?
Behind this door.
The door here leads to the grove.
There are creatures in there that we did not like the looks of them, and so we came back
in here in reading some of the
literature here. We've determined that they are perhaps the gardeners of this grove beyond,
but we are, as you can see, very small, and they are not, and so we did not take any chances.
Perhaps part of our long-term plan, once we saw you, was to conscript you into our service,
and then we could go in there and kill them and learn from them as well. But here we are. Jarvis is dead.
And I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Why don't you just come with us, and you can help us then?
Oh, but I'd be of no help. I'm bleeding, as you can see. I've dropped my martini.
I have a proposition for you.
Yes, does it involve a fresh drink?
No.
Allow me to hit you twice for minimal damage.
And then we'll let you go free.
No, no, no!
Objection, no, objection!
No! Take it three times!
I'm holding him by the neck!
I'm back baby!
Ton of ton! I'm back baby! All right, time to done. Asta holding this small lizard. We'll let you go.
It's in...
It's like a heavy bag.
It's in...
It's only in combat.
Only in initiatives.
It's only against hostile creatures.
Asta's claws come back.
Speed bagging it.
How did I think that we could possibly do this without meeting that thousand rules? Right? It's only it gets hostile creatures
Think that we could possibly
Sweating really sweating this better. All right fun sweat fun sweat
So I'll just anyways good luck in your adventure I don't think I would be of much help to you and as you can see my friend
Wait, wait before you go. Yes. I'm still holding.
What is it that you've learned of this place have you written any of it down that you could leave with me and he sees this
Like, you know huge
Backpack just of like books all like strapped and strapped type of things
He's like I'd very much like to take some of your research and
I would say if we let you go you will need to leave some of that with us
Yes, you're welcome to it
Are some scrolls that are magical when your friend cast his mind illusion
I tried to read it and transcribe it
But I did not have the power to do so
as the words came from his mind and not from his mouth.
But you have others, other scrolls, magical scrolls.
Yes, and you're welcome to them
if you would just please let me go.
He clearly has nothing on him, right?
Like, he doesn't have pockets, he's not wearing clothing.
I want to be truthful just to make sure.
Yeah, nothing in his inventory, nothing is okay. I rob him
What do you take his arm?
Want to make it clear that I thoroughly check him. Oh, he's mug him. Yeah
And then I go to my privates
Sorry after realizing he doesn't have anything I put him on the ground. He doesn't have my privates! Sorry. After realizing he doesn't have anything, I put him on the ground.
He doesn't have any privates?
Yep.
So her privates now.
Mine now, I take them.
It's actually just nine tenths of a law.
They lie along the small of my back.
That is how scalescribes mate.
I let him, I just let him go.
Just kind of rub backs.
All of a sudden, children are born.
Is that fast?
Well, good luck.
There are a lot of other creatures in here.
Far scarier than us.
All right, and he goes over to Jarvis's corpse
and just starts dragging it.
No, no, no.
I check Jarvis's corpse.
Please.
I check his corpse.
I just, I'm going to bring him with me.
Perhaps someday I will find someone that can raise him come along Jarvis
There are other questions to be asked
drag
drag
20 minutes later
Alright, let's grab brother. Amy's gonna grab these scrolls and healing oh yeah, I want to look at the scrolls too and healing
Oh, right Barnes can Barnes can use scrolls. Let's see, brother Amy's gonna grab these scrolls. And healing, oh yeah, I wanna look at the scrolls too. And healing.
Oh right.
Barnes can use scrolls as well.
Let's see these scrolls.
I don't think he's ever gonna get them.
Bless goes away.
Sweet.
Bless goes away.
My heroism goes away.
Yep, heroism goes away.
Come here, Bonza.
While you're looking at those, I'll patch this up here. It's going to be difficult with the poison.
All right, so that's nine points of healing while you're looking at these scrolls. What do you find? What does he find?
While I'm doing medicine.
You find two scrolls. A scroll of glitter dust.
Yes. Oh, right. Scroll of glitter dust.
Scroll of haste.
Which you could then transcribe into your spell book.
You already have haste?
No, I have mirror image, acid arrow, and something else I can look.
Glitter dust would be clutch at this
level and then buckles doesn't have a spell book of any sort I can't learn
okay yeah it's really not spell casting yeah it's really is like Carrie so it's
all psychic when she transcribes and, that uses the scroll, right?
The scrolls, I think, yeah, go away.
They disappear, but she knows them forever.
I guess we'll have to roll off on those as well?
No, they're actually more valuable
for having them in your spell book.
Well, maybe, but she only really prepares attacking spells.
Yeah, there's always that.
Like, would you prepare them?
Glitterdust and Haste?
No, probably not.
I mean, up to you guys. I could have them forever. I think you should have, for those two spells.ust and Haste? No, probably not. I mean, up to you guys.
I could have them forever.
I think you should have, for those two spells,
and Glitterdust, if we encounter an invisible enemy,
she could stop taking around the cast that,
that would be invaluable.
Because once I level, once I grow in level,
I'm not gonna-
But she would have to have it prepared,
which would be a wasted slot 90% of the time.
But if it's a scroll, we have it when we need it, you know?
Right now, all my cantrips are like damage dealing cantrips because it makes the most sense when I level up I probably would take more like usable
things like a glitter dust or something utility spells yeah but now I said isn't
a cantri I agree with Joe that the scrolls might be more useful yeah also I
bet we can't afford to put it in your spell book right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably true.
Time-wise.
No, it costs money.
It costs money.
It costs money.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
For a third level spell.
Third rank spell, yeah.
And I'm always loathe to not transcribe a scroll
to save it permanently, but in this case,
I think we would be better off
just using it as a consumable.
Why don't you hold them, Brother Ramius?
I think the new one is called Revealing Light.
It is second rank.
Yeah, so we don't have to make the decision now.
Ramius has places within his backpack to hold scrolls specifically, so he'll hold them.
We'll just hold them for now.
We don't have to make that decision yet.
Brother Ramius, would you mind?
I could use more healing.
Patching me up as well?
I'm finishing up with Barnes here
and then I'll be right with you.
That is an eight Barnes, so that was 17 total so far.
I am still down.
Oh my goodness.
I didn't heal from the last time I did.
While you're healing, Zephyr is gonna look around this room
like she did the last room since she found a
Door there. Hmm. All right, and then okay. Yeah, you do that and I'm gonna work on Asta poke around in the papers and on the walls
Read the things
Crit on Asta. Oh
So that's 14. I'm back up. I'm all good. Beautiful. Thank you. All right, so that took about an hour
Okay, just under an hour, but we want to read this up in here anyway.
Yeah, give me that perception check.
Perception.
17.
17. Yeah, a lot of it is like scribblings
of half-formed thoughts.
Seems like they were interviewing each other
at a certain point out of boredom.
You get the sense through some remnants of journals perhaps
that they tried to enter the Grove
and they were ousted by the Colborne.
And it seems like they keep using Colborne
and gardeners synonymously.
Cull or call?
Callborn.
Callborn.
Is there just a role that Ramius could do,
like a wisdom role or something like that,
based on everything that we've heard from the elves
and to determine if callborn or gardeners
would be another term to describe something
we've already heard of? Like the guardians or society.
As a Derek Lohr.
Yeah, you absolutely could.
Natural four for a 15.
Hey, you haven't heard of call born before.
Is there a skill check I can do or should I?
You want me to not really do?
Ability roles society what is your you're trying to remember if you'd heard anything of that Like maybe something that genteel said when you're speaking. Yeah that like them their
Translation of Gardener or colborne might be a different way of saying something that genteel already said
you remember that Gentheal said that Iscariot was given over to the Colborne over a century
ago.
I thought I heard that.
Okay.
Yeah.
And said, we, Oacia, chose to build our city here because of its proximity to this memory
cache.
They willingly give these souls over to these call born.
Yeah, it's been a tradition of trusting our most important sages to the call borns
care. But how do you spell call born?
C-A-U-L-B-O-R-N.
Don't Google it.
Call born. A call is like, uh, like a head, headwear, right?
Yeah. Oh, it's a cowl. No, but like, yeah, like a call, like a Cwear, right? Yeah.
Oh, it's a cowl.
But yeah, like a call, like a C-A-U-L.
Yeah, a headdress, helmet.
Also could be the amniotic membrane.
Matthew's Googling.
That's what I found.
Googling the word call.
Oh, gosh.
Matthew's Googling it.
Matthew's Googling it.
That's what it is.
Matthew, click on the images.
Start Googling call.
Oh, there are a lot of them are blocked out.
Oh, I understand why.
You have a filter on?
Apparently I do.
Sydney does not.
I'm just going crazy on my work laptop.
Don't Google that.
Like being on Twitter.
A lot of porn these days.
So much porn. So we know that Colborne-
Moving on.
Get souls willingly.
We don't know if they're like violent.
Yeah, we assume that they ran these creatures out of there.
Yeah, still that.
I mean, we are here with her son's permission, so-
I know, we'll try. Yeah, we'll do I mean, we are here with her son's permission, so. I know, we'll try.
Yeah, we'll do our best.
Yeah, maybe the key will help.
Can we, uh.
Hey.
But I guess my best wasn't good enough.
All right, can we open this door?
You open the door.
They missed last words, Matthew, good luck.
Ha ha ha.
By the way.
Why'd you know we're all counting?
Unless I say otherwise.
So mean.
It's not that you're competitive.
You're mean.
No, it's competitive.
It's competitive.
Unless I say otherwise, Brother Ramius is always loading and walking around with his crossbow loaded.
And he's constantly loading and reloading it.
Constantly.
I got my bow out since we're-
I'll open the door.
Oh, ow!
Oh, sorry.
Did you just shoot me in the back. Ow! Sorry.
It went off.
Strange.
I'm going to take that back.
If you're not sure how to use it, I'll just hold on to it.
And he looks over at Barnes.
Just wait.
That's one.
Brother Ramey's is not money on this.
I know, I'm really conflating the two of my head.
It's getting very disturbing. All I know, I'm really conflating the two with my head across the world.
It's getting very disturbing.
All I know is my parlay's still alive.
It is still alive. It's a long shot.
For the record, just so we know, Barnes has one, Asta has three.
You have four because you did a crit.
Four, because you got the crit.
Oops.
You have three on my ticket.
If Barnes hits ten before you hit six, that would be astounding and she can't
Just a sprinkle sprinkle a little side bed on I could know I could create once then that's true
We open the door barn steps in the door disappears
Means Barnes with the only one in this encounter he's the
only one that gets hit.
Good.
Now open the door I'm going to describe.
You can only see it if you have Barnes.
Open the door and you see ornate lanterns hanging from the stalactites along the ceiling of this vast, dimly lit cavern.
Beyond the sort of entryway of this space, there is an orchard of short, leafless trees
spread out across the floor.
Their twisted branches seem to be weighed down with shadowed shapes of odd looking fruit.
As you open the door, you see three figures sort of step from the shadows of the trees
into being. They are emaciated, hairless, humanoid-like figures with their arms sort of folded into
sleeves of their skin.
Let me show you what they look like.
That sounds gross.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
They look like this.
Oh, oh, wow.
That's not what I pictured in my head before you showed me this.
That's not what I pictured at all,
and I really don't think we're gonna have a good conversation.
These don't look like friends.
They've got like predator mouths.
And also a giant sickle.
And long fingers.
And a branch in the other hand.
They have all, they all have sickles on their belt,
but they all kind of push their hands into their skin.
And as you can see from the image,
they sort of have rags around their waist
and their knees and ankles and around their wrists
and their forearms look like pieces of bark
that have broken off at the elbow
before continuing on up to the shoulder blade and this massive
call-like headdress of bone and
alien face no eyes
discernible and
Their mouths are open long tongue
huge jaw sharp teeth and
they Walk towards you.
And we'll see you next week.
I didn't know if you were gonna start something.
I'm gonna be starting something.
I'm gonna be starting something.
Place your bets now.
Place your bets now.
Place your bets now.
We'll see if the odds change.
The line's too high to get over.
Ha ha ha ha.
See you next week! Let's see if the odds change.
The line's too high to get over.
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