The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 52 – Gouging Claw, Hitting Dragon

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

The party returns to the grisly scene of a difficult recent memory. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/hjcbPr8pORU This episode was sponsored by Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. See why tabletop gamers everywhere have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp For all your random number-generating needs, visit Norse Foundry at https://norsefoundry.com Download the new DraftKings Pick Six app and use code "GCP" to play $5 and get $50 in Pick 6 credits PLUS one month of NFL+ Premium. Offer expires 9/19/24. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://CCPG.org in Connecticut. Must be eighteen plus, age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick6 not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. See terms at https://pick6.draftkings.com/promos. One per new customer. Reward issued as fifty dollars in non-withdrawable Pick Six Credits that expire in six months, NFL+ Premium offer available only to new and former NFL+ subscribers. Additional NFL+ Premium terms at https://nfl.com/terms. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/GCN today to get 10% off your first month. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. I believe I can create a veritable doorway back to your world. We will take apart my telescope, haul it to the light line gondola, and then I, along with some of my acolytes, will transport the telescope with you and your key

back to the gate that you came through. You step onto the platform, load up the telescope, get on with Hubert, the Sages, and A'leli. You leave settlement. As you pull into the quarry, there is no sight of the stone guardians. That's not good. And A'leli says the same.

That is strange. Be careful. Vance, do you see anything? All of a sudden, you see the two guardians emerge from the woods. Whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump, whump So you're stunned too! Wow! Phenomenal! And the Kuala Khan emerges. Shhh! Aaaaaah!

Boom! Yeah! Crit, crit, crit, crit, crit! Oh, that's a crit! That's a crit! That's a crit! Yes! You completely annihilate it.

Yes! Crumble through the stone. My! You get out of the combat. We must hurry. Yes. We should leave. Let's go. We shouldn't be here.

You hear water before you see it. Oh no. What? Oh no. No. Not that fucking snail again. To the river of death. We have to go the same way.

The river of blood. We see the party in the distance coming up, bringing the telescope, till we see skeletal remains. The adventure continues... ...now. What's going on everybody? Welcome back to the Glass Cannon podcast. If you're listening at home and if you're here in the studio, everybody clap for me. Everybody clap.

Clap, okay. Now stop your clap. Where's your hand position? Which hand's on top? I clapped weird because of the microphone. I know, I'm doing this because of the mic this year. I will back up and clap like you would normally clap. Now they know.

That's okay, that's okay. How would you normally clap? I know what hand. You have to say freeze. Freeze. What hand is on top of the other hand? I don't know how I clap. Right over left.

Right over left. Really? I like how you had to look down. Sidney said something so shocking. Right over left. And you clap like a psychopath. You clap left over right? Well, if I was like, if Matthew did that, I was like, nice job.

Yeah. That's my normal. That's really weird. You're right handed. I'm clapping. Yeah, I'm right handed. Skid, what are you over there? I'm left handed.

And what's on top? Right. Wow. And you guys are all, so Skid's left handed. Well, yeah. I'm right dominant, but I like, I write left handed. Sometimes I like to do this. You write dominant.

So when you throw a 90 mile an hour fastball, it's with your right hand. It would be with my right hand. But who's on first? I don't want to put Skid on the spot. This is getting away from my original question, but if you're left handed, do you pleasure yourself with your left hand? Skid? You don't have to answer that.

I feel like you should be opposite. If you are that dominant hand, you should use your non-dominant hand. Call it. Let us know in the chat. Call it. If you're left-handed, which hand are you working with when you're alone? Anyways, back to the clap. I believe that's what they call a switcher.

A switcher. Yeah, you can be ambidextrous. Well, now I'm thinking about it too much. Well, anyways, I clap left on top and I'm right-handed, but now I'm coaching Little League and I started using a new clap for the kids and I'm right handed. But now I'm coaching little league and I started using a new clap for the kids. And it's, it's this, it's right on top of left, just the palms. And I like, this is my new clap for coach and look, cause I like it. It's like, come on, grace.

Cause it doesn't make a lot of noise. Yeah. Well, you know what? It's all about the pace, right? Come on. I can clap fast. Wait, I can clap fast with either hand on top. Nope. Here's the thing. Here's what I'm trying to say is this is my great job clap. This is my coaching clap. Nice. You look like you don't actually believe it.

Well, it's different if I'm like standing up. Cause the kids aren't actually doing well. Let's go, let's go, let's go. You still. I can't, one over here, so that's how I clap. Hey, let's go. Come on guys, get a hit. Get a big hit.

Come on, like that. And now do your other clap. Nice job. Nice job. See, here's the thing about your claps. Come on, like that. And now do your other clap. Nice job. Nice job. See, here's the thing about your claps. They both look like bullshit. It looks like you don't believe either of them. You know what you look like?

It's just a microphone. It looks like, no, no, no. It looks like a, what's the word? It's a, like a pity clap. Like a, all right, yeah. You look like an actor who's only ever performed for camera and you're doing theater now. And they're like, clap. And you're like, and you're like like guys to get cast as quarterbacks like

how the Queen would clap it's like the Queen waves like this yeah I clap like this you did something great nice but when I'm egging you on this is mine I'm just saying this is my new clap I'm adopting it's like all right come on here we go just palms and then after you get hit, nice. I switched back to this. I guess it's better than clapping like this. Yeah, who does that? Seal?

I kind of do. A robot. Yeah, Kate, you didn't even have a top dominant clap hand. The Joker? I like to just flick my nails. Is that a thing? I don't know. You were right on top?

Yeah, right on top. I was thinking, because I do vertical clapping like at theater. I don't clap down here, clap up here like this, but it still is my right hand is hitting my left palm. Your right hand is doing the work. Yeah. Really?

Right hand is doing the work. That is so weird. I've always been left. This feels, it feels like throwing with my left hand. Right. Well, I'm switching it up. I can't even get it in the middle there. That's weird.

You know, if you close your eyes, you can always punch your hand. If you close your eyes, you can always punch your hand. So if you need to punch someone, grab them by the hair and punch and you'll hit. Great, then why can't you touch your nose when you're drunk? Well, I can. Oh, congratulations.

Are you drunk right now? He's had to do it on the side of the road many times. So much practice. You're proving to us right now. Are you drunk right now? He's had to do it on the side of the road many times. So much practice. You're proving to do it. You're proving to us right now. Are you drunk right now? Don't worry about it. Bottomless mimosas on a Monday morning.

I wish the chat was live so I could find out who's pleasuring them. Right now? Anyways, that's weird though. I didn't realize that this clap was the left. I'm right handed, but I guess I'm a more dominant left. I'm goofy. It's a goofy clap. Goofy, goofy.

Goofy clap. Yeah. Goofy footed. Anyways, when's the last time you clapped? Well, I was coaching softball this weekend, so yeah, I was doing a lot of clapping. A lot of, you know, like, that's okay that you missed 17 balls in a row. That's okay. It's OK. That's what I'm saying.

It's all like Little League, like child coaching. It's all pity claps. Because no one kid is actually doing anything impressive. Yeah. It's just relative to the rest of the kids. That's all it is. So we had a game last season where a girl crushed a ball, like a legitimate base hit, went over the second baseman's head dropped into the outfield it was a really really good hit

and our coach was just like yes and then he got reported by parents on the other team to the league for over celebration because it was just this is a game where all the girls are supposed to learn yeah And I was like, oh my God. He had come up before the board and defend himself for like, how? Over. Stop. Yeah, stop. No exaggeration.

Parents are the worst. That's America right now. You have to- Oh no, you clapped too loud. You have to be careful, because you might switch your clap if you get too excited and somebody does a really good hit, you might switch your clap and parents are gonna be like,

he's clapping different. He's clapping different. You guys are gonna be brought up before the board like, all right, do the normal clap and parents are gonna be like, he's clapping different. He's clapping different. Right up before the board, they're like, all right, do the normal clap. I can clap the other way. Sir, that was not the hand you used. A clapping line up. Yeah.

Please clap. Do you recognize any of these claps, man? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Could number three please use your left hand on top? Do you guys think they shouldn't keep score in kids sports? I think that they should at a certain age.

I think by the time you're, I'd say, seven, they should be keeping score and telling you if you won or lost. And if you strike out, you should be out. Yeah. Kids have to learn to regulate their emotions. Kids have to learn to lose. And part of the reason that they say you got to do this is because you have to learn to regulate their emotions. Kids have to learn to lose. And part of the reason that they say you got to do this is because you have to learn.

You can't learn how to hit if you just have to sit down every third strike. You're not going to learn. But that's what practice is for. You've got to swing, swing, swing, swing, swing. Just as much as you have to learn how to hit by a lot of reps, you also have to learn at a young age how to take a strike out

and not have a meltdown and sit down and how to lose a game. We have yet to learn. Exactly. It never worked for me. It never worked for me. But other children may learn from that experience. I played board games with you. Or you're losing.

I'm still working. I'm not a perfectly formed human like you, Matthew. I'm still working on myself. Maybe I just have more reps losing. Yeah. It was so funny. It can't possibly be true. We've talked about this before, Joe, and I met playing softball in Central Park and I had to team the jerks.

One time my folks were in town for the game and I said, well, you gotta come watch the game. I struck out on slow pitch. You start with one strike and I guess I was trying to be a hero, and I like flung the bat, and my dad was like, hey, and I was like, wow, I'm 13. Oh! But my dad was like, cut it out.

Shut up, dad! This is my team! I mean, come on! 37 years old, dad! Oh! The young man yelled at me too, because he was not supposed to throw the bat. I met Troy on this team.

He was running the team and a friend introduced us. We met at a, he was like, I got to meet him at a bar and have a drink with him before I let him on the team. So we had a drink and he was like, you're good, you're in. And my first game at slow pitch co-ed softball, my first at bat, I struck out. Just whiffed. I came off the field and Troy was like, no, but like legitimately I was like, that never happens. I promise. Like I promise. I was an 800 hitter in coed softball.

I don't know what happens. I don't know what happens. Too much pressure. You know what it looks like? It looks like you're trying to open the pickle jar. Like you're tapping the bottom of it. It looks like you're trying to make a fart with your hand. That's something different. I would do left on top of right. Oh, you're tapping the bottom of it. It looks like you're trying to make a fart with your hand. That's something different. I would do left on top of right. Oh, you know what?

I did too. Me too. Oh, look at that. Wow. Wow. Now who's goofy handed? Nice one. You gotta spit in your hand first.

That is interesting. A little liquid in there. We're learning a lot about ourselves today. A lot about our hands. I just like doing that. Hey, come on, try today. A lot about our hands. I just like doing the hand. Come on, try better. Try harder. Try harder.

When's the last time you clapped, Sydney? At a show, probably, like concert. Yeah, you go to concerts all the time. But that's different too, like clapping at a show is like, because you're going to stand up. The beat. No, no, like at a theater show, like a play. Is that how you clap at a play?

Yeah. A theater show. Clapping like the Little Miss Julie. At the end, you're like, yeah, great, excellent performance. I want you to see you clapping. Yeah, people at a show, like if they're giving a standing ovation, they generally don't stand up and then clap down.

Right, right. You know what I mean? Like they're, because you want to project to the stage your excitement. At a concert, I don't clap up here. I think I still keep it low. Because you're clapping with the beat, and you're kind of like, I don't know up here. I think I still keep it low, like, because you're clapping with the beat and you're kind of like, I don't know.

You don't want to bother people. Now I'm thinking too much about how I clap. And I'm like, do I clap weird in public? Are people talking about my clapping? I clap weird. Imagine all the people listening, they're questioning their clapping as well. Everyone's sitting at home like, do I clap weird? People are driving their car.

Kate, are you a big clapper? I mean, no, but the last time I clapped was at a show, a concert show, and the thing is I had a drink in my hand. Oh, that's another thing. This is what I do. I usually have a drink in my hand when I'm at a clapping function and I go like this. Yeah, that's fine. Yep.

Against the beard. With my ring. Sure. I always got a ring on. And then you shatter the glass. Very lightly. Yeah, that's how I do it too. I shove it up. I shove it up.

You gotta go under the arm, and then you can get that clap in there. Anybody think they could make their butt cheeks clap? Ha ha ha. Our own? I think with some practice. Our own. Is that a skill, or does it depend on the butt cheek? It's a skill. I think it's both. I think it some practice. Is that a skill or does it depend on the butt cheek?

It's a skill. I think it's both. I think it's a physiology. I think you'd need to have a certain butt cheek. You have to know how to throw your own butt. Yeah, you gotta. Every butt is different. You have to throw that ass in a circle,

but you also can't have a little Hank Hill of a butt. Like you have to have a full tush. Right, I think if you had the right butt, anybody could make a butt. Anything's possible. But some people just, Matthew, I don't think you could make it clap. Some butts are easier to throw than others. I want to know what you're saying about my butt.

Yeah. I don't think you have much of a dare ear. Though I've never really dug in and... Would you mind standing in the middle of the table? I'm going to be looking at everybody's butts. Who can make it clap? I wonder if that butt can clap. Find out after this quick break.

What's up everybody? Troy LaValle here from the Glass Cannon Podcast. I want to give a shout out to our sponsor yet again this week, DraftKings Pick Six. This is the newest way to compete against others and play fantasy football to win cash with DraftKings. We are two weeks into the NFL season and you can just inject it into my veins. I love it. And DraftKings picks 6 is an all new way to enjoy Sunday afternoons, Sunday night, Monday

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Pick 6 not available everywhere including New York and Ontario. Void were prohibited. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash promos. One per new customer. Reward issued is $50 in non-withdrawable pick six credits that expire in six months NFL plus premium offer available only to new and former NFL plus subscribers additional NFL plus premium terms at NFL comm slash terms We're back and you'll never know the results We settled it

and you'll never know the results. I'm just glad we settled it. The results were very surprising. It took an hour and a lot of YouTube videos. Joe, it was crazy seeing you upside down. I lost five bucks. I didn't think you could do that. Here's what I'll tell you. Three clappers, three non-clappers in this group.

You decide. You decide. Sound off in the chat. God, we have fun. It is the middle of September now. We are deep into Gatewalkers. We've been doing this for a year now, which is wild. Yeah, it's our year. Crazy. It's episode 52. 52 episodes in. Obviously, we took off a week this past year, and we're

going to take off Thanksgiving. Two weeks. Yeah. Oh yeah, Thanksgiving and- If you call it the fiscal year of the Gateway, Gatewalkers campaign. Gatewalkers fiscal year. It was two days off, Thanksgiving and Fourth of July. Everyone loves to hear when watching Roepling. It's your fiscal year.

What's your fiscal year? Campaign year. That's the better one. Campaign year, right? Campaign year of Gatewalkers. But now it's been a year. It's been pretty wild. I don't want to get thoughts until we finish the end of book one. Okay. Which is what? This episode.

We're going to level up? You never know. You never know. However, it is pretty interesting now. You've made it, you're retracing your steps. You're retracing your steps. You've left the Oatian settlement with a lele and a bunch of these Oatian sages. Hubert, of course, is along with you, Sydney. Did you purchase that or were you sent this? No, someone gave me a Hubert at a show. I'm sorry, I can't remember who it was, but I had had it on my desk at home and I kept meaning to bring it to the studio and I finally remembered to put it in my bag.

It's perfect. He's got a little hat. Look at him. I finally remembered to put it in my bag. He's got a little hat. He's so cute. But we were saying, this is a real hard juxtaposition to who Hubert has become to us. Because this guy doesn't fuck. This does not say sex monster. This does not say sexy plant guy.

But I love him. Imagine just a larger version of that that looks exactly like that. Imagine looking at that and seeing the leadership of one of the wisest and most beloved Elven communities in the solar system, being like, get out of here. Take it with you. Not even out of my settlement, but off my planet. Off planet.

Take him off my planet. Get is no longer welcome, but off my planet. Off my planet. Take him off my planet. Get that thing. He is no longer welcome on our planet. Remember when we thought we could leave Hubert? Remember when we thought that was a good idea? We thought that was a possibility. I want you to picture just a larger version of that,

but it looks exactly like that, but speaks and acts the way that Hubert does. Hate it. Yeah. I believe I was there when you were given this. Yeah. And I turned to you, and I was there when you were given this. Yeah. And I turned to you and I was like, don't accept it. Get that off the planet.

Don't get it. Get that off the planet. Don't break into the studio. We need more table swag. But anyway, so you've all left the Oasis settlement. You've taken the light line gondola back up to the mountain with the hopes of returning to this Ayodhara, this gateway that you came through when you left the first world and ended up on Castrovel. You've got this huge party of people with you.

You get back to the quarry and you don't see those things at first. All of a sudden, they come bounding into the quarry and something is wrong. Aleli says they've been like bastardized. They've been changed in some way. They were just like mad. But now that you've leveled up, they're a lot easier to handle. And so you guys made short work of them. And luckily, we're able to get off and start making your way back towards this gateway.

Of course, and it's just funny, none of you said like, oh, we got to go back to the place where Talitha died. Well, that's because there's a location on the planet where the elves are, and there's a location on the planet where the Ayudhara is. And it doesn't really make sense that there's only one possible crossing. Like, can't we just take the long way around? Or that we would cross in the same place. Right, exactly. We know a nightmare horror of death is right there.

Why don't we scout another way around? We're not supposed to run into it because we have more people with us. So those monsters won't come out, technically. Isn't that what we said? Did we? Yeah. I don that what we said? Did we?

Yeah. I don't think we brought up the snail in character or out. You didn't bring up the snail, but A'leli did mention like the winged creatures that attacked you on the gondola, they would probably leave you alone seeing a larger group. And they did. Ah, okay. Well, yeah. And you're right about the golems.

Like we definitely thought like, oh, they wouldn't attack the elves. Like they could just turn them off or whatever. But yeah, I didn't even think about the snail. Yeah. And whether your scouting would take you that way or not, the point of the end of the last episode is you see this blood soaked river again. Of course, we see the remains of a corpse. So, that's where we pick up today. There's kind of two things going on here. There's the obvious dangers of crossing this river, the dangers of running afoul of this creature again, but then there's the reunion with the remains of Talitha.

So we'll start there today and Aleli will probably see in Brother Ramius and Bugles and Zephyr's eyes, Asta's well. Something's different. She says, what is wrong? We lost a friend here. On our travels in, there is a horrifying creature that makes its home in these waters." And he's even like shying away from it, backing up as he's looking. And he's not even looking at O'Lellie, he's looking past her at the blood colored water

and just like shaking. Did we ever go back and like, because is her body still there or did we, we left it there? Well, Barnes went by afterwards because you got my bow. Yes. So like you saw the result of the scene, right? As I recall, the snail dragged Talitha away. Yeah. So I saw the bow, but I didn't see the bottom. Barnes was able to get some of the gear, or just the bow,

but didn't see a corpse. But now there is definitely remains there. You can see it, like on the far shore from where you're standing. Because if you remember, Talitha fell on the shore you're coming from. Yeah. After being dragged downriver. This, yes, this would be difficult. I apologize that we have had to return here just seemed to be the way that made the most sense is this the only for to cross the river or is there

another place anywhere that we could cross I truthfully have never been to this part of the jungle before we could search for another area but this creature that attacked you, I would think that they are home to this river and there could be others. We will face the same dangers anywhere we choose to forward it. So you don't know of this creature specifically? It was like a snail, but it had the legs of what we would call a crab or a centipede. This is a melecana.

It is called a melecana. Yes, there are some near rivers closer to the Oatian settlement. Do you have any particular ways to lure these creatures off or even to frighten them away, perhaps? I do not know. Hopefully our numbers would be enough to scare it away. But as there are only a few stones we've latched across, we could go at most one or two at a time.

I defer to your judgment on the best way to proceed here. Well last time it'd lie and wait for us. Waited until we were exposed, four of us across the river. And then it shot, sort of like smaller versions of itself, these slug-like creatures, and they attacked us on the rocks. And then it blocked the path and it knocked our friend into the water. I have an idea. Yes, yes. Barnes. Hubert, are you here?

Oh, hello there, I sure am. I was just waiting to see what we were gonna do here. All right, Hubert, here's my plan. There's something. Go up to the shore. All right. And just examine the plant life. I see. And have a conversation at the loudest possible volume. We'd sort of go up there and be a decoy, as it were.

Try and draw it out. That's what I'm getting here. Well, not necessarily. It could not even be there. It could be gone. And you could meet a new friend. Right. Christine Flora meet a new friend. Right. Steen Flora at the shoreline. This is an interesting idea. Barnes fighting it on the land would be much safer than trying to fight it from the rocks. But didn't it appear to be one of them before?

And he's looking at the rocks. Didn't it look like a rock kind of like or was it completely submerged? Yeah, I think it was hidden. But I'm going to do perceptions, like right now. All right, I should say, I'm not above pulling my own weight. If you want me to head up there and sort of talk to the locals, I don't mind. But Brother Amius, please see what you see. If you see anything moving in the water,

just run back toward us as fast as you can, Hubert. All right. That is an 18. Sorry, 17. Got 22. 15. 10. And Buggles is just, he's really just looking at whatever it is that remains of Talitha, because he feels ashamed just looking at whatever it is that remains of Talitha because he feels ashamed that we left her here and he would make the case. It's like we have to go across here and we have to bury her, whatever is left of her. Zephra definitely feels the same way. She like wants to go take care of the remains. Same with Asta. She feels terrible. What a wonderful opportunity to honor your fallen comrade. Pay your respects to her. I'm sure she was an interesting addition to your part.

You didn't know her! Shut up! I'm guessing. Just judging from your reactions. Don't forget, Barnes is a very big Talitha fan. You really would have liked her. You're so similar in so many ways. Yeah, it's weird.

Remind me of her somehow. Some weird reason. Hmm. I take that as a compliment. Something about your voice or your beard. All right, yes. You all look across and you just see there's like half a dozen rocks, red water rushing over them. You know they're slippery,

but you know that if you move cautiously and you don't get sort of accosted by any creature, it's pretty easy to zip across. You don't even have to roll acrobatics checks unless you're trying to make a longer leap. So you can send Hubert up if you want. All right. Yes, Hubert, go talk.

Just monologue, if you will. What? Be ready, be ready. Everybody, we should all be ready to fight within a short distance from the river. I don't have a weapon, as it were. You don't need to fight. You have a dagger.

You have a dagger. No, still just working with this, eh? Hubert. Heard there was some runes floating around. Just a simple dagger. That's fine, nothing's floating anywhere. Hubert, if you see anything, you run. I, all right, I gotta do this. I'm gonna be a part of the group, as's fine. No things floating anywhere. Hubert, if you see anything, you run. I, all right, I gotta do this.

I'm gonna be a part of the group, as it were. Part of the party. Gotta make sure I can offer my services. All right, let's see what we see. So Hubert kinda scuttles up to the edge of the water. You see him, and looking around. And he's right there? He's right at the edge of the water, yeah.

Right by the rocks. Should I jump on a rock? Just stay. Sure. Yeah. Just jump on a rock and if you see something, jump back. Last time it didn't come out until we jumped. First he spots a sunflower. He's like, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. No.

You come here often? I said, do you come here often? I said, do you come here often? How do you think he's gonna make this consummation happen? Louder. I don't, I'm going to look my eyes if it does. And I'm still scanning the river. Yeah. Where do you, oh, what's that?

You wanna see a test of my bravery? All right. And Hubert leaps across to the first rock and lands. Kind of like slips a little bit, catches his balance. Brother Ramius will move up till he's within 30 feet of where Hubert is right now. He starts, he's moving up. Barnes will go through.

Yeah, me too. Did she say anything about me? She said, do it again. What's that? She said, do it again. She She said jump again to the next rock. Maybe it's true. I can't hear you over the rushing water. I can't hear. Right. Wanna jump again?

Go. Go. All right. And he jumps lands on the next rock again slips a little bit. Everything seems to be all right. Anybody else coming? Zephyr would approach and start jumping over too, if everything looks good. Asta will as well.

Me too. Barnes will use his mirror. He'll double himself to get rock to rock to rock. See, that would have been an awesome way to get across initially. So you're gonna meet up with Hubert sort of halfway through or you're going to go ahead of him? You're going to tell him?

No, he's going to lead the way. So I should keep going? Yeah. Yes. All right. And Hubert jumps again and is now like halfway across the river and slips and falls. And he's like holding onto the rock. Hubert!

That's all right. I think I can, I'm going to need a little help here. I get to his rock please and I help him. Oh, oh, thank you, Zephy Zephy look at us. How does Kate feel about that name Zephy? I don't know Your initial reaction was not positive. Yeah, it's like Katie. I don't like Katie. So Zephy. No You are not a Katie It's not positive. Yeah, it's like Katie. I don't like Katie. So Zephy. Ew! You know? You are not a Katie. Like a Zeph.

Zeph is a cat. You'll never be a Katie. Katie Stamis. I'm gonna fucking die. Little Katie Stamis. Little Katie Stamis. If you say that again. I love this.

She has thrallis. This is amazing. Every time she fumbles, way to go, Katie. Wow. Start lighting up the comments. This is amazing every time she fumbles way to go Katie You help Hubert up I said oh all right. Hey, don't make her jealous. Oh All right sunflower um Think we're okay. I remember being here and there's

Hortalita wonder if she still smells good. Probably not It's a love smeller. All right, you know what you don't have to what are you doing up there? I have to talk anymore get across We should keep going yeah, yeah. I'll jump with him. I'm a little nervous, but you can jump with me. Here we go. One, two, three. Land on the fourth rock.

We're now two rocks away from the other side. The rest of you following? Yeah, Barnes will double himself, then become the next one, then double himself. Masta keeps pace with Barnes. Except he. I think, I think we're gonna be okay. We're home free.

Yeah, don't say that. Is that what you think? Just seems a little bit easy. You know what, maybe you're right, Hubert. Not even God himself could stop us from crossing this river now. We'll live forever. Where are all the elves?

The elves are waiting on the other side of the shore and they're looking like, should we come as well or wait until you're across? Yes, Bruneramia's gonna wave them all down so that they're all right next to the rocks. You see Lely instructing them. They're not like acrobats or anything. She's like, careful. And they've got this big fucking telescope they've got to take. And they're a little worried. She's like, careful. And they've got this big fucking telescope they've gotta take. And they're a little worried.

She's like, we're gonna need to, we'll figure this out. But we have to be very careful. Don't drop the equipment, all this shit. So they're like starting to bring this stuff across and it's very slow moving. And Hubert's like, Sue, I guess we should just go. You know, this is the longest conversation I think you and I have ever had.

Yeah. It's quite nice. Very long conversation I think you and I have ever had. Yeah. It's quite nice. Very long. Yes. It feels long. So long. I think we could learn a thing or two about each other, as it were, yes.

What's your favorite color? Blue. Mine's ambulance. Why are you stopping? What? Keep going. What's that? Ambulance? Yes. Let What? Keep going. What's that? Ambulance?

Yes. Let's just keep going. All right. This was enough getting to know each other, I think. All right. Look at you, talking to me with those baby ambulances. Let's go. And he jumps, the next one.

Oh, okay. She jumps too after. All right, we're only one away. Do you hear that? Sunny, one away from the other side. Be sure to bring her along. Could use her on the journey ahead. All right.

Could use her? That is disgusting. Is that how you treat your certificate and others? What's that? Hubert, you just use them? Use is a strong word. Is that how you treat your certificate and others? What's that? Hubert, you just use them? Use is a strong word. Is that what you did to the plant in the field? I think we all use each other just as you used me to cross this river.

Don't think that I don't see what's going on here, Zephyr. That's alright. I knew what I was getting into. I knew I had plot armor. Alright. Everyone stick as close as possible to Hubert. Yeah, exactly. I knew I had plot armor. All right. Everyone stick as close as possible to Hubert. Yeah, exactly. Ooh, something smells.

Zephyr, get across, what are you doing? Keep going. Fonz, run! You smell decay. Yeah. Now, as you're getting close and it's coming upwind here and Hubert smells it, it's been, ooh, it's awful.

Must be Brother Teretha. And Hubert jumps and lands on the other side of the river. See? Easy as pie. Barnes gets across. Yep. Barnes and Zephyr and Asta. You're all across.

And A'leli is leading the four sages to bring the telescope. Are we all right? Yes. We don't know. Great, let's roll perception. Yeah, let's do another perception from the other side to see if they're safe to bring the telescope across.

Natural two. Same exact thing. 15. 17. 18. It's never gonna be enough, is it? It's never gonna be enough, is it? It's never gonna be enough. Look across, there's sort of some waves coming up,

like rushing, you don't know if there's something rising out of the water, kind of hiding in wait, or if it's just the wind. Now that you're on the other side, you all smell this smell of decay, and the smell is so powerful. There's no way that it could just be coming off of the remains of Talitha. What direction is it coming from?

It's coming from Talitha. Hold? We tell the Ellali and the others to hold. They're like standing on the rocks. There's only one person on the other shore is like holding the butt end of a telescope. I wonder. Stay here. It's a little slippery slippery did the creature could the creature let leave behind some of those pseudopods it's a kind of trap well i'm just we can't leave them in the middle of the river we also can't leave they're not in the middle here

he said they're in the middle of the river yeah they're like on the rocks we told that we specifically told them the hole before they cross. We have a miscommunication. Yes, miscommunication You can't hear across the river. They're walking across. Stay here on the windlocks. No, just get across. All right, they start coming But again, it's slow going for them. So they're moving across and Hubert sort of walks up to Talitha's body Don't touch it. Wait, so her body is there. Her body is there. So you see now that Don't touch it. Wait, so her body is there. Her body is there. So you see now that most of the flesh has been stripped from her. There are still some vestiges of both clothing and skin. It's been like two, three weeks or so.

Yeah, so it's not decay. It's been like devoured by the wildlife. Yeah, wildlife. Partially devoured. And Hubert's like, don't touch. I was going to hug her. Mm-mm. No. Right. Partially devoured. And Hubert said, don't touch, I was gonna hug her. No. Right. Hubert.

No. Just she never let me hug her, always wanted to give her a squeeze. Yeah, so you can't do that in death either. Okay. The smell. That works. The smell is... I'm gonna look around into a survival check, like immediate area around for tracks or any

sign of... Oh, you hear a lully. And they're like pulling someone who just was slipping any sign of... Oh, you're here, I love you. And they're like pulling someone who just was slipping off one of the rocks, almost dropped a piece of the telescope. This is very precarious, we're coming. They're slowly moving across, give me your survival check. Okay, survival check is a 25. 25. Downriver a little bit on this side of the shore,

you see something lying on the ground where the smell is coming from it's like partially covered by some bushes and trees but you do see like a fold of something coming out it's like multicolored the Sun is glinting off of it as a sort of prismatic effect. Bones look over there. I swear the scent is coming from there. The stench. Can I roll a dead creature?

Esoteric lore on it? Sure. 19. Without seeing more of what the creature is, it's hard to determine what exactly it is, but it does look to be a large creature. Are those goggles that Talitha had around? Could we use that? I don't remember what the goggles did that we took. They are...

The ones that we got from the shadow? The spider guy. They're like extendo, crazy extendo goggles. Oh, the looksy man's goggles. Is that what they're called, looksy man? Looksy man. Is that really what they're called? No, they were like the greater stock goggles. Yeah, greater stock goggles.

Because they made your eyes eye stalks. Yeah. Because maybe you could put those on and see from further away. I think the bonus is pretty useless if I remember it was not particularly useful It was a plus one to perception. Well, that would be pretty I'll be down to stealthily approach to try to get a better look with your bow or without your bow Like armed with your bow or without? Yeah, I guess armed with my bow. How far away is it? About 50, 60 feet away. I'll have my bow out while I'm within volley.

Smell is brutal. Okay, but. The wind is coming up towards you. Can I go help LLE? Yeah. Can I go help them with my, using my mirror? They're going very slow, so you can hop back. Can you bring someone with you with the ability?

No. Like a nightcrawler, it's extremely limited. Is Asta also sneaky? No, no, actually not really. I'm sneaky as fuck, I can do it. I was gonna say Asta would like to look at Talitha's remains and gather anything left of use. Really, you're gonna loot my body?

Yes. Look who you're talking to. Sydney. Why is that even a question? Sorry, you're talking to. Yeah. Sydney. Why is that even a question? Sorry, you're talking to Asta. Nope. He's talking to Sydney. Asta in the room right now with us.

Is Sydney here? No. Sydney's gone. Yeah, you, gear wise, what did you have on you? Did you have a lot of gear? You had two striking rooms? You had a crossbow. What happened to that?

You had handwraps of mighty blows? Holy shit. It was so much gold that I hadn't told you about that I was inherited wealth. You had Bolon's weapon? That's amazing. She took it and never told us. Let me go back to Talitha's sheet.

I didn't think I was gonna have to relive this again. Oh boy. Relive it. I don't think there's anything of value here. Well, we can do this. Hand crossbow, her umbrella. Which we took. Her rapier. She had some shiver on her.

Oh no. Rape is like, you see anything else? Oh, now you don't care. No, no, he's pretending like he doesn't care at all. Spear frog poison, Cytalesh oil, a magnifying glass, and her formula book. Any gold? Or copper? Or silver?

Probably. And the goggles. And the goggles. And the goggles. And a dagger, a rapier, the umbrella injector. Oh yeah, her umbrella actually could inject poison. See, the umbrella, it's destroyed. Troy was very anti-umbrella. Repair assault. Yes. It the umbrella it's destroyed. Troy was very anti umbrella.

Repair assault. Yes, it's ripped and beyond repair. But you gather everything else and you, Zephyr, are stalking towards this. She can speak a lot of languages. Give me your stealth. You find her language. Oh I can speak gnome now. Ooh, nati 18. Nati 18. So that's 28. All right, 28. So you feel like you're being very quiet as you walk through the brushes. Anyone going with Zephyr? I'm going with her.

I'm sneaking too, but I rolled a nine. All right, so- Well, I'm staying 30 feet behind her. Do you want me to roll? No. And I'm helping with the telescope. You're helping with the telescope. So because you moved over there,

Aleli and the group are, it's a lot easier for them now to get across. And in fact, by the time you're about 15 feet away from this thing, you get the last of them over to the other side and nothing has emerged. Buggles you know is being much louder than you are. But that creature, whenever whatever you're looking at, is not moving. And as you come around to the brush,

you see the half-decade body of the Amalekana lying in the brush. Whoa. Dead. Huh. How, can I see how it died? Do you have medicine? Maybe, I wanna call. No, I'm not trained. Maybe it was toxic to it.

Maybe you wanna call Ramius. I'll coax them over once I see that it's dead, especially Brother Ramius. He'll come up, he's putting the folds of his robe over his nose. That's horrible. He'll come up to the creature and try to examine... Yeah, can I do a medicine check on an animal to see if there's a determine its cause of

death, see if there's any claw marks or what it would be. That is a 30. 30? Wow. Yeah, so it looks like it's been dead for about less than a week. And it's been half eaten, similar to or Talitha and it's you can't determine how many different creatures have eaten from it you know what I mean at this point but you do see several gouges in its body

and maybe some like large jaw marks. So whatever messed us up yeah absolutely slaughtered this thing and could still be around. This is the T-Rex moment where the lesser dinosaur died that hurt us really bad. I don't understand that word. You don't understand what a dinosaur is? You don't understand the size categories of dinosaurs? I believe in the Bible. Is this a Christian podcast?

This is a Christian podcast. Is this a Christian podcast? What book of the Bible has a T-Rex in it? On what day of creation did the dinosaurs show up? Well, speaking of the Bible, no, actually what it's like is like in Fellowship of the Ring in the movie, when they fight a cave troll and they almost get their asses handed to them, like they think Frodo dies, like everyone gets the shit kicked out of them. And then it's just like, oh, and then the Balrog comes and it's just like, okay, we just have to go.

That's what this is. Yeah, yeah. This is the Balrog. Yeah, bye. We should stay in our big group. So yeah, Ramius will point out these jaw marks. Barnes isn't there, to you three. Just be like, there's some larger creature here.

He's looking around, wild-eyed. Much stronger than this. This we could not face. Are there tracks? He's gonna turn around and start walking with his robe. He's not even looking for tracks. He's just gonna start walking, pulling his robes up, walking down toward the telescope and Bonz-

Do you have an erection? Bonz! What? Hiding it. Brother Ramius! You were walking with your robes as a child. Get up there, Ramius. You're flushing your robes up.

It gets tangled in his feet so he can't move as fast. Oh, I see. So he's like rushing kind of down. What is that, a pack of Rolos in your pockets, Brother Ramius? And he's yelling down, we have to go, Vance. We have to go now to the arch right away. There's something much larger here, much larger. Osto's pocketing things.

It was here a week ago. It may still be here. Yes. Are there larger creatures that lurk in these jungles? I mean, of course there are. You faced some on the gondola when you came in. Our numbers may not scare away larger predators. So it is something we should be careful of. When we get to the arch, we will need to work. So you will have to just make sure we are secure as we set everything up. Time is

of the essence. There is no time for this talk. We have to go now. We have to ferry to Letha. We have to do something. There's no time. There is no time. Buggles is right.

We have to honor your fallen comrade. We'll make time. Go ahead, I'll- I will take her body. I will take it. Her body, it has fed the forest. It has served its purpose. I have a way I could honor her.

You guys go first. Let's bring the body with us so we can bury her near the arch. Yeah, we'll bury her near the arch just so we don't spend time at this river bed is what Asta meant. She loved that out. Just wanna make sure we're picturing the same thing here.

We're not far. Headless, mangled, barely recognizable. Yeah, I will take a. There's a little bit of a head look. I'll take a sheet from my adventurer's pack. Even worse. I'll wrap her, I'll like roll her into something. She's lost, I mean, it's not gonna be that heavy.

She's not fully there. And I'll pick it up. Lost a lot of weight. Pick it up, and I'll bring it with us. Even just burying a bit of her remains would be better than nothing. Yeah, Joe. Maybe I could have a rib.

What? No. Something to remember her. Hubert, no. Hubert, no. No. I was thinking that maybe I could ingest her. Why don't you go find a flower?

I know it sounds strange, but then she would be with us always. Just a little bite. Sounds like a serious killer. Zephyr back hands Hubert. Yeah, there you go. I wasn't the one that struck the killing blow. Just a little taste.

Zephyr backhands Hubert. But we were just getting close. It's about time. Sorry. You're disgusting. Sorry I brought it up. I just thought it would be a way to honor her. I was thinking of Talitha. She raises her hand again. Again.

Did you bring the sunflower? He says to A'leli. Let's just go. This fucking guy. You know, you did the right thing, Zephyr. That was really fucked up what he said. Let's go. She scoops up the remains in like a makeshift cloth

and carries Talitha. We're not far from the arch, is that what you call like? Holding her close to her. We're almost on the same map. We only camped like one day, I think, before the arch, or did we even camp? No, we didn't camp. We came through the arch and went straight. Holding her close to her brother. We're almost on the same map. He only camped like one day, I think, before the arch, or did we even camp? No, we didn't camp. We came through the arch and went straight here.

Yeah. Wow. You're so gross. What? She was our friend. Maggot-infested body up in your shit. Rolled in a cloth. She was our friend.

Stinks. Yeah. What's gross is abandoning our companion here in the forest to be continually feasted upon by the same creatures that killed her. Her self-preservation, and now we have the time. So we will properly say her last rites. Brother Amius, you of all people should know that we must observe the ritual. You disgust me, Ramius. I backhand, Ramius.

I backhand brother. She ran through in the nuts. Zephyr touches the pouch to her side. She's like, we're not going to leave anyone behind. He's just looking around and starts walking toward the arch. A'leli? Yes. You first. All of my sages need to pee.

They can pee at the arch. Sorry, they need to pee? They all have to pee. Should have peed before we left. Where are you? We asked you when we were leaving. Crossing the river was stressful. It brought it all to the surface. Why didn't they go in the river?

Some of them fell in. They were carrying things. Can't they just pee? So go pee. I could go pee as well. Are we stopping to pee? No. Aren't we literally like 100 yards from the arch? No, you're a little further away. I'm sorry

You have to hold it. You will piss your pants as you march. Oh, yeah, we traveled down and we fought that monkey Oh, right. Oh Scorpion monkey. You're gonna make us hold a pee through two encounters and after you the encounter will be no more than Just if you have to go just, she says to the sages. 24 seconds, two episodes. You continue walking and after a couple hours of holding your urine, you see the ruins of this jungle, Ayodhara, in the distance, exactly as before. The arch standing there, half crumbling, a 10-foot-tall stone platform with stairs leading

up from the north and the south, while these lower five-foot platforms bracket the main platform's corners, and they're tipped by obelisks of darker stone. We already saw the signs of this thing that is going to come and kill us. At the Archimonde. I just remembered. It was the law marks. Oh, right. Asta's moving the body and Asta goes, the scat.

Yes, an enormous scat pile. Oh, looms. To the south. I don't think anymore. How long will you need, A'leli, to set this up? It looked like a dragon, but I don't think it. Dragon? How long will you need, Aloe, to set this up? It looked like a dragon, but I don't think it is. Dragon? I do not know.

We will work as quickly as we can, and I will need your help with the key. We will need to hang it once the telescope is fixed. And so you approach the clearing, and she looks at you, and she says, can we approach? I'm going to do a survival check to see if there's fresh tracks of this creature right around the Ayudara. 21.

21. So brother Ramius picks up pieces of the scat. Tastes it? Ramius, no, let me. It was your third time. It was your third time. Oh gosh, the scat. He was here first. I was here first.

Oh, God, it's the scat. Ramius, you bend down and you see this larger pile of scat in the distance. You reach down and you do see fresh poop. And he stands up, staggers back a little bit. Again, he's just constantly scanning the trees in fear. He's like, it's here. What it was just recently.

This is fresh, Scott. This is fresh. Should we wait? Do we know when it's not active, maybe? Please. You must start. You must start quickly. We'll establish a perimeter. Establish a perimeter.

Establish a perimeter. Every roll perception. Stay close. Don't get too far from each other. Eight. Nanny, 19. There you go. Or 26.

Yeah, 23. 13. 21. Zephyr and Barnes, as Ramius is talking, you see a rustle in the bushes up ahead. And watch as this dragon-like creature emerges, starts sprinting towards the party. We'll be back right after this. Dragons can't sprint.

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Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, I can lie. Barnes, what was your total? 26.

26 for Barnes. And then Zephyr, you had a good one. 23. 23. I get so caught up in the story that I forget to do the game. What do you have, Remus? 21? 21, yep.

You remembered that. I remember that one. Because that one's old enough to drink. Buggles, what did you get? Eight. Eight for poor Buggles. And then Asta, I think you got a 13. 13. Oof. Asta. I know. I remembered that one. We need you better than us. Because it was unlucky.

All right. Let's begin the begin here. It is Barnes's turn. Barnes, let me show you what you see. You see this creature. my god. Okay. It is it is a dragon. Oh it is a dragon. In the image here a dragon or some sort of Drake it is a in the worm family in the image here it's perched atop of you know a plinth but yeah red red scales with green and purple long tail frond on its back Real nasty looking creature and it's emerging from the bushes and rushing towards you, but you have the initiative here What do you do? Okay Barnes is first going to exploit vulnerability, okay? To do esoteric lore natural to

Was a big roll. That was a big roll. That was a big roll. So 13, I'm assuming that's a failure, but if it's a critical failure, that matters. It is a failure, not a critical. Okay, so I don't get the, I can do its personal antithesis, I can know what it particularly despises about itself,

I can make fun of its eyebrows or whatever. Okay, and then Barnes, that was first action. Second action is going to move up onto the plinth here. Okay. Even though these are all at various heights, there's no climb checks involved, you're just stepping up your higher ground. Yeah, I'm stepping up.

Let's check the movement speed. Okay, so actually I can only get onto the first one. And then I will, I'm still out of range. Big old creature. You know what, I'm just gonna double move and I'm gonna get into a stronger position. I'm gonna come up to the second

flint That's not gonna be my turn. Okay What movie is it in skill where it's like you beat you beat the piss of the man that beat the piss out of me What am I thinking of? Do you know what? My club is I don't think it's fight club Is it? Oh, it's it's Fight Club. Is it? Oh, it's, oh my God, it's Far and Away. Far and Away? It's Cole Meany says it, yeah.

It's like, I'm not sure. They just did a screening of Far and Away as if you see them in the moving image a couple of weeks ago, really. It's one of the few movies that has a, was shot in 70 millimeter and has a 70 millimeter print. So they were running a series. And I saw it in the theater opening weekend

because it was playing at the theater I worked at in high school. Oh, wow. That's so funny. Right, it was good. Anyway, yeah, Colmini says it. He's like, you beat the piss out of me. I'm not sure I like that.

It's up along those lines, but this thing beat the piss out of the thing to beat the piss out of us. The curator at Museum of the Movie Image was like, you actually liked it. Yeah. I think you just want to say piss a bunch of times. I got it out there like eight times.

1992. Yeah. I don't remember a single thing about it. I remember planting a flag. That's it. Yeah. It's either trying to claim there was an acre. Yeah, it's the Oklahoma Land Run.

That's right. That's right. Yeah. It was also a big deal because it was Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, and it was like their first movie together. And they were just like, oh, the chemistry on the street is going to burn up the theater, it's gonna be so hot. It will be firing away the hottest movie ever.

Ron Howard directed it, right? I believe so, yeah. And Tom Cruise plays Joseph. Let's just keep talking about firing away. I'd rather do that than die to this. Firing away a conversation that won't hit Kate at all. It's your turn. I'd rather fight the dragon and talk about a movie I haven't seen.

Zephyr? What do you got there, Katie Stannis? He's trying to throw you off, stay focused on the game. What do you got for my dragon? I hate you guys. So I was trying to balance like, dragon probably has breath weapons. I have like area of effect. Yeah. But I don't want to metagame too much.

I want to get within that first half of my range increment. We already discussed that being a monastic archer stance, I can use flurry of blows up to the 100 feet of my longbow, but not my other monk feats, which includes stunning fist. So in order to use stunning fist with my flurry of blows, which would be sweet, if it hit this dragon, I need to be within 50 feet. I think the impulses spread out is probably a good one.

Yeah. But I want to try to get Stunning Fist. Distinct reeks of breath weapon. Oh yeah. Yeah. And I don't want to be near Alele and the other people. They'll be fine. So what I'm gonna do. What I'm gonna do. Well, Hubert's near them, so they'll be fine. What I'm gonna do... What I'm gonna do... Well Hubert's near them so they'll be fine.

He's coming to kill us, not the elves. She's gonna get into monastic archer stance, scoot up to the stairs right here, to hopefully get some cover just in case, cause she's by some stuff. So can the creature see Zephyr right there, and can buy some stuff so can the creature sees effort right there and can zephyr see I have any I would say while it's on the ground there I would give you some cover oh well it's on the ground oh so when it takes off for the air right now you know that thing with wings that's on the

ground it did sprint at us, not fly at us. I think it's just getting ready. It needs a little runway. But keep in mind, if it can't see you very well, you can't see it very well. So it's gonna have the same benefits that you're giving yourself. All right, well, instead of trying to do all of that,

I'm going to move 35 feet where like no one else is. Perfect. Over Nya. All right, so you slide to the south. And. Soloing. Let me just double check my distance. Let me solo her.

There you go. All right, monastic archer stance. Flurry of blows with my bow. Oh boy. Flurry of bows. Flurry of bows. See what you got. Come on. Big old target. Big star. 13 for the first one. Lurrie of bows! See what you got! Big ol' target! Big start!

13 for the first one. My god, bad! Bad! You rolled three nat 20s before we started. Shhh! Don't tell people that! Kate, you made a mistake. That's supposed to be with your highest base attack bonus. Don't start there. There's no way you can roll a 13. Is that a... No!

Is that a natural Katie? No! Don't you natural kitty? No! Don't you dare! Did you Nat one? Yeah. Oh my god. What did you roll on the 13th? Three.

Oh my. Do you have a bottle cap? I do. I think we're gonna need him for when we die. Yeah, I'm gonna wait till I die. Very possibly. Why do you wait till you die? It's a fan fumble with a ranged action.

At least I move far away from y'all. So I see the title of the one you have pulled up. No, no. I don't even know what it does, but I know what it does. Kate's very bad, terrible day. Yeah, you just know by the title on this one. Eric from Seattle, Washington.

Eric. Wow. Eric with a K or a C? With a C. Oh no. Oh no. From Seattle. Washington with a C from Seattle you have drawn the dick Cheney oh no no you want to read this through first you hit your ally it was an accident right I do that all the time dude deal half damage to the ally nearest to your target, and the ally has to apologize to you.

So it's Barnes? So listen, a couple of things are an issue. It's Barnes, who is closest to what I was trying to hit, but that's out of my first half of my range increment, but it was Flurry of Blows, so it doesn't matter. It's also the magical land of fan fumbles, so. Yeah. Well, no, it's just an errant arrow,

so you do half damage. All right, all right. So just roll half damage. Let me see. Terrible aim. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I got him. Whoo!

Four points of damage. And Barnes is like, whoa! Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, I was in the way of your shots. This happens frequently when I nat one. Sorry I stepped in front I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry I was in the way of your shots. This happens frequently when I nat one. Sorry I stepped in front of your gun.

Like when I nat one, this happens all the time. Like I've almost hit bugles like twice. I feel like you guys know this by now. It's the classic ranged fumble submission is always you hit your ally. Thank you, Eric. With a C. Eric with a C.

Wait, are you saying that's the weird Eric? I think the K is the weird Eric. I think the K is the weird Eric. Yeah, K is, well K implies like some kind of Scandinavian. Yeah, Scandinavian. Whatever you said, I was gonna denigrate, so. Okay. Yeah, if I went with a K,

I would be like, oh, gross. Part of the bit. Are you done with this terrible turn? Yeah. It was a great turn. You have diverted its attention in 90 degrees. That's huge. It has to kind of pick one way or the other.

You've got a triangle here. You can't take all of us on right now. It's the way you move. It can only kill you. Ramius, you're up. Ooh, Ramius is up. Yeah, very interesting. We need one for Ramion. What's he gonna do?

Well, now that we're so spread out, it kind of hurts the whole situation. What? You just said I did a good job. I know, but it's, it's kind of, you know, there are benefits and there are drawbacks. I'm going to follow Zephyr. So I am going to cast Bless, and then I'm going to follow Zephyr down. I'm going to follow Zephyr down, staying behind Zephyr, and cast Bless. So you, Zephyr, will benefit from Bless for right now. Awesome.

Follow Zephyr down, cast Bless. It is Yikes's turn. That's what I've called this creature. Yikes! Yikes! Yikes! Wonder why. That's good, that's good. All right, Yikes is going to rear its head back. Boom, and it spits this like wad of green goo

that lands right in the middle of where Zephyr and Ramius is and then just bursts out 10 feet. Both of you give me a reflex save to try and avoid whatever this is. Gross. I miss, that's you. Okay, what is it by the way? Remember we did this aura and emanation thing?

It's like a sticky glob. I'm saying what is the, is it a? It's a 10 foot burst. 10 foot burst, got it. So for a 10 foot burst, I don't think we're both in there. That's what I wanna get into right now. I wanna try to really time you. A 10 foot burst. You can nickel and dime me. Oh no, That's what I want to get into right now. I want to try to really time you. A 10 foot burst.

Oh no, no, you're good. You're good. I'm sorry. Yeah, I think I'm good. Yes, you are. Shit. All right, here we go. Reflex save is going to be terrible. Right down the middle.

That is an 18. And Zephyr? 25. 25. For Zephyr. Okay. Let's save. Zephyr succeeded.. Uh, Zephyr succeeded.

Uh, unfortunately, Ramius failed, but you did not crit fail. Yeah. Eesh. Right down the pike. Ramius, give me a fortitude save. This thing gets you and it's getting on your skin and you feel like, start to feel a little sick.

Oh. Oh! Oh no. I don't like that. That looks like a small number from here. Oh no. That is a critical fail. I'm sure. Give him the number.

Nine. It's a critical fail. Oh yeah. It's a guaranteed to be a critical fail. Yeah, 18 was a fail. Yeah. Got any ball caps? I do.

I do. Who, 42. You have to tell him if it's a crit fail, right? Crit fail. I don't shit. Yeah, you don't. And if he, not before, if he wants to use his bottle cap, we each know if he wants to use it now. That's why I'm waiting to see what you want to do here.

I know. I'm happy either way. Or hold it till you die. Yeah. You got multiple caps? But if I, if something puts me down fast, it could mean other people die, right? So like that's kind of why I was thinking about using the cap. I'm going to use the cap.

I'm going to use the cap. Cap economy. So reroll the Fortitude save and just try to avoid a critical fumble. Oh, that is a 23 on the reroll. 23 is a fail, but not a critical fail. You definitely critical fail. You take six points of poison damage and you're enfeebled one.

Oh God. Oh no. If you had used the crit fail though, you would have been like down. Like enfeebled three. This is a incredibly hard creature. Yeah. If it's DC is 24 or higher.

Yeah, that's, that's. Yeah, I rolled a 25. Way higher level. Well, it's DC is 24 or higher. Yeah, that's that's Way higher level. Well, it's one of these like single creatures that we fight. It's like they're yeah. Yeah, it's the big bad. Okay I mean, this is fine. It's it's not bad like in feeble for brother a miss doesn't matter Yeah for you that doesn't matter. Yeah, but don't get hit by it Got it. You are you are this is this is, this is a poison, so you're going to roll on this every round to see which stage you go at or if you cure it. Oh, so he'll, yeah. So this could continue to get worse.

Okay. Oh, brotheramious. That was one action. Was it feeble to affect your save that would help you on the board? That was two actions. I think it does, but I'm not sure. We'll find out right now. There was two actions, and then with this third action, it just like,

No, just strength. It moves with incredible speed. Uh-oh. Right up. Uh-oh. Next to Zephyr. What? And steps through its own gunk.

Steps right through its own shit. Yeah. Ah. And now it's right through its own shit. Yeah. And now it's right on top of Zeph. And now it's gonna be Asta's turn. Okay. Man, that changed what I wanted to do because it moves so close. It's perfect.

But I think, okay, she's gonna Spellstrike, obviously. We could flank it, I'm on one side of it. She's gonna move to be flanking. And now you're in Bless. Oh nice. And flanked. Nice, love that. And you can Spellstrike.

Love that for me. She's gonna Spellstrike. Love that for you. Thank you. Love that for me. So movement, first action, spell, which one is she gonna do? What's she gonna do?

The one that does the most damn? Yep, do the good one. Yeah, good one. I feel like I always choose the same one the best one Well, no, you have the bleed one to use that right? I'm Jean-Claude is it gouging claw. I believe it is yes I didn't call the answer claw hidden dragon. Although we can see it. Nice. Nice. Okay. Don't give me All right Don't give him any ideas. All right. The worst joke I've ever made.

All right, let's go. I mean, that's really hard for Skid to do, so I think you should give him the bottom. Come on, man. It pains him. Like that. So Katana's already out, she was on guard. Add the blast.

That's gonna be a 26. That's a hit. Yes! So that's gonna be. Huge. That is huge. First up, katana damage Ten points Slashing and then I'm doing gouging claw, which is 3d 6 slashing

Gouging claw hit and dragon nice. That's what I'm doing now Nice. Hey, you're not ahead 13 Hey, you're not ahead. You rescued it. 13 points of slashing and then plus three persistent bleed. 13 on 3d6. Yes. Nice. 13 and then you said three persistent bleed. That'll tick on it. Huge.

So that's two actions move. Yes. So that's my turn. Good job. Good turn. You did your part. Huzzah. Awkward clap. Awkward clap. Boom. Saucington. Finish out the round here. Good turn. You did your part. towards the plinth to the west. And he's gonna press his little fingers to his temple. Boom! Frostbite, Sphere of Cold,

shoom, closes around it. Please give me a Fortitude save. Fortitude save is a 30. Oh, okay. That's, I rolled really well on the damage, but it doesn't matter, because that's a critical. Oh! Nice frostbite

Dragons notoriously fordentudinous round two Barnes, okay Yep Barnes is gonna approach and he's gonna get you about he's gonna get you right there I believe he's gonna move south off the plinth. You're about 10 feet away Excuse me 15 feet away, excuse me, 15 feet away to the west, also known as there. Also known as there. Well, what's important is I'm gonna- This is a podcast.

What? I'm gonna describe what happens next, which is the important part. Lay off me. I can't believe he moved there. And then I will glint the mirror, second action. Okay. And appear in Flanking with Asta, right in the square.

Next to Zephyr. Ah, yes. Can I be right diagonally across from that and leave us a space between me and, still flanking, right? I can draw a line to the center of the, yeah. Yeah, that looks flanky. Yeah, for sure.

That's flanky. Am I in bless at this point? No, just outside of it, but straight away you would be in bless if you were next to Zephyr and still flank then I will do that I gotta move Barnes another Boom. Yep. So now you're in bless you move Barnes. Yep. Do you move Barnes you use this action? Yep, third action attack third action attack. So now I get blast guard plus the flanking. That's all I'm blessed So now I get blessed. It's off guard. Plus the flanking. Natural one.

Bless. Natural one. Natural one. Natural one. Natural one. I'm gonna pull out my... I was gonna bring mine today, I forgot. This is actually the same, this is the blue lavender right, which is the Matthew Dicer all this.

Gorgeous. Let's see what happens. Giant die. Was that right? Natural two. Wow. Wow. You ready? North's Foundry. Thanks North's Foundry. Back into the box. Back into the box you go.

We sang for it. Back into the box you go. The random numbers. Oh man I love that I do this awesome thing, then this awesome thing, now I attack. Now I have to die. To set up this awesome thing.

It's like eventually I have to get to the die roll. Right. Zephyr, this thing is right on top of eventually I have to get to the die roll. Right. Zephyr, this thing is right on top of you. What do you do? All right. I really don't want to be right next to it. So what I'm gonna do is take an action

to leave monastic archer stance. Flurry of blows with a free hand and a leg. Free hand and a leg. Regular way, so I can get my bless with the attack and like the flanker. Come on. And you can stun it, right? You start doing some crazy.

I mean, it's fortitude is- Full Muay Thai. It would be almost impossible, but sure. Yeah, if it rolls a natural one. Action, Kate. Shh, don't fucking roll it, I'm on my rolls. You know I rolled my 17. Yes. Second one. It's a natural 17.

Oh wait, what's the bless? Plus one. I've been rolling so good for like dumb checks, like perception initiative. Stop doing checks. Doesn't hit. You called for it. This giant thing in front of her, she hits it,

but it's just like not going through its weird dragon armor or something. So for her final action, she books it. See ya. Five, ten. At that moment, it does a reaction. No. It goes to strike out at you, does a reaction. No. It goes to strike out at you, does a 28 hit?

Hold on, let me go back, okay. Yeah. Its tail twists around and hits you. You don't take any damage but you can't move, you have to stay right there. Oh no. It disrupts your action. Interesting. Wow. to stay right there. It disrupts your action. Interesting. Oh, wow. Rude.

Yeah. Maybe she's like stunned a little, like the wind's knocked out of her a little bit. She's like, I'm not finished with you yet. Wow. Ramius. That's a cool reaction. Yeah.

Ramius. He wants to keep us here. He's getting sick. He's like, oh yeah. He can feel something coursing through his veins. He's like, oh yeah, you can feel something coursing through his veins. He's gonna die today. He will start by... Yeah, Ramius of the Dragon. Ramius. He's going to... Poison is so scary. And I mean, that was a natural 16 that failed. Yeah. So it's... I'm destined for critical failure. Alright, he is going

to... Trying to think, do you roll for affliction at the beginning or end of your turn? Probably end, right? It's the end of your turn. I forgot, I meant to look this up and I... Why do I forget every time? I feel like it's gotta be end. Typically it's the end. Yeah.

Yeah, like- It seems OP. Persistent Johns are always at the end of your turn, but yeah. It's like a killer if it's not though. You never get to take your turn. Well, I you take the damage once around right and I took it and it's kind of important because it would determine I mean either way you're in feebled one right now and then we'll see if uh I mean I'm almost I'm looking right now but it wouldn't make any sense for you to do on the

beginning of that what's the duration of the stage is actually what matters and I'm looking at right now, but it wouldn't make any sense for you to do it at the beginning of the round. What's the duration of the stage is actually what matters. And I'm seeing end of turn here. Maybe it actually ticks on your turn. At the end of the stage's listed interval, if you attempt a new throw. If it's one round, it would be the end of... Yeah, it's on your turn that it would tick. That makes sense to me. Yeah, because it's a full round. Yeah, so it's... Okay.

That makes sense. Still on the throws of stage one. Yeah. Alright, he is going to focus on his Bless and expand it. So now it'll be 25 feet. So that would reach to the other side of the creature barns right now, should you need. And then... This is very interesting.

It looks like it happens on your turn. Based on end your turn in the player core. If you have persistent damage condition, you take the damage at this- This isn't persistent damage. No, I know. After you take the damage, you can attempt the flat trick to end persistent.

You then attempt any saving goes for ongoing afflictions, which is what this is. Got it. Many other conditions- Okay, so I attempt the saving throughout the end of my turn. But the damage would probably tick on your turn, is what I'm saying. Whatever. All right, he is going to expand and then... this is a really weird expansion. Expand that blesk. Assuming the creature has used its reaction, he's going to move...

he's going to move up behind Asta, so he's kind of in range of everybody now for a heal as needed and he is going to do a battle medicine on himself an attempt to Get rid of this poison which is you know, just flavor wise so I'm just gonna try to heal the hit points Okay, we go. Here's the attempt and I fucking fail. Oh I failed. I needed a natural four or higher. Oh my God.

I need to roll the natural three. Jesus. You don't have to answer this question. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. When you were prepping this monster, did you think TPK? I didn't prep this monster. I think it's a little early for that.

I think we can still turn this around. That's an honest answer. I'm excited. I think we're gonna- You can turn this around. I think I'm feeling little early for that. I think we can still turn this around. That's an honest answer. I'm excited. I think I'm feeling really, really good. I think the monsters are- That right there didn't lose us the battle, but- No, but the monsters are challenging-

Sydney is going to hit every single round and kill it. Yeah, do you wanna make a bet? Six or seven rounds. Let's go. What about Parlet? His poor rolls turn any situation into- Yeah, very scary. Every one of us roll badly.

That's his turn, he's done. Except for system. So now I roll against the Affliction. Roll a lot. Thank you. That is a 17. All right, so you are going to move on to stage two, which means you will take one point of poison damage.

Oh, that's not bad. Yep. Not bad at all. And, uh, and Enfebel too. Okay. So now it's stage two. This is the second round that you've been privy to it. Yep, not bad at all and and in feeble to Okay, now it's stage two. This is the second round that you've been privy to it It's X amount of rounds most poisons are yeah until you die It's now yikes this turn. Oh, no yikes yikes Yeah, I wonder what it's gonna do with us all around it. It's gonna do something called draconic frenzy

Which is gonna be three attacks for the price of two I'm gonna do something called Draconic Frenzy, which is gonna be three attacks for the price of two. So let's do a Stinger Strike at Asta. It's like tail with the little poisonous stinger at the end of it just, skah, right in ya. Not a great roll. Just a regular hit.

That's gonna be a 21. That hits. Okay. Nothing crazy. That's not a great roll. It's gonna crit constantly. It'll crit the rest of it. A regular hit is a win. Yeah. But nothing crazy. That's not a great roll. It's gonna crit constantly. It'll crit the rest of it. A regular hit is a win.

Yeah. 14 points of no. Oh. Fourteen. It's a critical failure. You go straight to stage two. You are also enfeebled too. You remember the one that's gonna hit every single round? That.

Well now I'm dead. Well now we're done. And you take three points of poison damage. Three points of poison damage, enfeebled too. Now we're having fun. We are going to die. I take back everything I was saying before. Tail whips around, comes at Barnes here.

This is obviously with the map. And here we go. That's going to be a miss with a 17. Oh, okay. That's good. And then it will attempt a Fang attack on Zephyr with its lowest here. And that's probably gonna be a hit with a 21.

It's exactly my AC. Exactly your AC. Shoot, I gotta find my D10s, hold on. My God. Where the hell did I put my D10s? The same joke every time. Where did I put them? I don't use them that much.

That's a lot. You use them all the time. We get the dust off of them. Yes! Do you hear the dust at home, folks? It's going to be 14 points of piercing. Actually not a great roll. It has one action left and it goes to grab you.

Now obviously it will have to be a grapple action here. It's no longer free. No longer free. You take the map. This came up on cannon fodder Grabability and these ever strike this attempt neither applies nor counts towards the creatures of multiple attacks, right? However, it's not a free view that I just wanted you to find it. Thank you. I appreciate that Joe You know it's gonna be Amanda fish. It's good athletics check against your fortitude DC

So look at your fortitude at 10. Prepare to die and prepare to die. You ain't going nowhere. That is going to be a 31. Why? What type of success is it? This is the best, like the really good. Like the best possible success.

Oh no. Like of the critical value. I have an 18. See, this is why you have to like it. Now all of a sudden I like new grab. All right, so you are restrained until the end of my next turn, unless you move or the target escapes.

Well, restrained is just tough. Well, restrained and I'm off guard now. I bury the lead here. The target is restrained. You are restrained until the end of your next turn. You're not just tough. Well, restrained is, and I'm off right now. I bury the lead here. The target is restrained. You are restrained until the end of your next turn. You're not just grabbed. You can't attack. I can, yeah.

All I can do is attempt to escape. Oh, boy. Or force open my bonds. Yep. And restrained, you put the restrained condition on there. It's going to make it even harder. Does that also mean Asa doesn't have flanking? She's-

Asa has flanking with me. Oh, yeah. She does. That's right. That's right. But yeah, I wonder if- I think Zephyr doesn't have Flanking. She's- Asa has Flanking with me. Oh yeah. She does, that's right, that's right. But yeah, I wonder if, I think Zephyr doesn't threaten, right? I forgot about my Flanking bonus last time.

Well I'm off guard, so. You're off guard, you can look that up, but- Just because you can't attack. Your Tidal Penetrate creature has you pinned. You have the off guard and immobilize conditions. You can't use any attack or manipulate actions except to escape or force open your bonds. Restrained overrides. Grabbed.

Hell of a round for this guy. For real. Yikes. But he's bleeding. This feels like a gauntlet. Oh yeah, let's do the bleed. All right, let me roll against the bleed. Now five, so he will continue the bleeding condition and he will take three sad little

points. Awesome. Good. And now it's Asta the sixth turn. Asta, wait, hold on. Let me get Enfeebled Q on there for you. Boop, shpoop. And then I'll do the same thing to Ramius.

Where is that piece of shit? Wow. Such hostility. Shpoop. Mar GM. Shpoop. Mar beloved GM. Yup.

Magnanimous. Enfeebled is like the worst thing for Asta to have. It's like she feels her grip, her two handed grip on her katana. It's like she can't quite grip it as hard, you know? Like it's just such a crazy feeling to suddenly be enfeebled too. It's harder to hit.

And if you do hit, you do less damage. Yeah, yeah. It's bad. So she, but he's bleeding. This creature's bleeding this creature's bleeding she's letting you smell the blood. Yes. Fox. Yep. She's sniffing that air. She knows it's taking that damage. Bleed for me. And she's gonna cast her force thing which is one of my focus spells using it to recharge doesn't take the map because

it doesn't have the attack tree. It provokes doesn't it? I'm gonna spell strike next round anyway. So that provokes. Yeah doesn't have the attack trait. But it provokes, doesn't it? I'm gonna Spellstrike next round anyway. So I- And that provokes. Yeah, doesn't matter. Are you using a move action? Nope, it's just Force Fang. One action, John. Special. It'll recharge, so you're gonna take one D4 force damage,

plus one, let's see. Okay. Three points force damage. Okay. And now my Spellstrike is recharged, so I'm gonna try, it's less to hit, but I have to try. And you're flanking still. And I'm flanking, oh, and am I in Bless? Yeah. So plus two for Bless.

Plus one. Plus one for Bless. I thought you, oh, you expanded the range. Yeah. Got it. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Here.

Oh no. What is it? No, stop! It is not a one. Is it a one? Oh my God, it is. You literally cannot be like, might as well just roll because the dice hears you.

And then it makes itself a one. Sydney, throwing dice is unacceptable. We are adults. I hate it. I hate it. Fan fumble, I don't care. You don't care about it? Wait a minute, is this a magic fan fumble or a melee fan?

I don't know. What is this? I don't care. It's magic, it this a magic fan fumble or a melee fan? I don't know. What is this? I don't care. It's magic, it's a spell strike. It's a spell strike. Come on. Why don't we just do melee because it's a spell strike. Nah, nah, nah.

Alright, this one from the suspicious Bulge from Akron, Ohio. The Bulge. Hi, Bulge. He's back. The Bulge is back. Left or right, Bulge? The Bulge is back. The bulge is back. The bulge is back. Left or right bulge? The bulge is back. This one is called ennui.

Ennui. Your magic leaves your body with an insignificant poof, taking with it all sense of joy in the world. The combat is pointless. Your life lacks purpose, and you are better off going home and taking a nap. Am I doomed? Until bedtime.

What's wrong? Your spell fails. roll a will save. Oh my God. Oh my God. More dice. 14. It's a failure. Is that a critical failure?

It would be against my will DC. No, against its AC. Against its AC, so failure. Okay. Failure, okay. Am I depressed? You are slowed one. Oh. And you drop to the last initiative space next round.

Are you kidding me? So this creature goes twice before you go. Are you kidding me? That is, wait, she's already after the creature. Horrible. Are you joking my ass, the bulge? Fuck off. No, it won't go twice, I'm sorry.

But you just go at the end of the round. She drops one space. It's not a huge difference. No. But slowed one. But being slowed is a huge difference. And devastating for Megas. That was my whole turn,

because I recharged my spellstrike, lost it, and that's my turn. It's all right, we can still turn this around. No, no, I'm considering Sapuku. Optimus K. Ah! Considering it. You can still turn this around. Well, let's make things worse.

Give me a Fortitude save against the poison. You know what? I'm gonna use a different die this time. Why not? That'll work. Switch it up. You know, I'll use my die. It's the die's fault. I feel like the odds are you should use the dice

that you just rolled the one on. I'm gonna use my, I threw it across the room. You could never find that. All right, let me get it. No, no. All right, here we go. I'm gonna roll a Sydney die. Sure.

Jesus. Available now, glass cannon podcast. Oh my God, we told you not to use a different die! Was it another nat one? Oh my God, on the poison, that's stage four, that's permanent death! Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Wow. And Kate is laughing so loud. You know what, sometimes just like total destruction, even if it's at your expense, is fun. I ripped down my headphones. Sometimes total destruction is just a joy to watch. It's hilarious. You're going to take another five points of poison damage

and you remain in feeble two. OK, that's great. That's great. OK, so it doesn't get worse. It could be way worse. It doesn't get worse than where I'm at. But I want to remind you, the combat is pointless. Yeah.

And your life has no meaning. No, she knows. You feel bad. No, she knows. Until she goes to bed at night. There is no end to this. Oh, it says until bedtime. Yeah, until bedtime.

Until bedtime. You know what? So I guess that's the duration. How about the forever sleep? But you know what? It's bedtime right now. We're staying up past our bedtime, so the army's over. You see her katana just kind of almost slip out of her grip,

and she just stands there, eyes glazing over, and she kind of just looks, a thousand yard stare looking off, shaking her head. Why are we doing this? Oh my god, are we even here? It doesn't matter. What planet are we on? Barnes or maybe Ramious behind her hears her go. It doesn't matter. What planet are we on? Barnes or maybe Ramious behind her hears her go.

Doesn't even matter. I don't even wanna be around anymore. I don't even wanna be around. I have too much shit in my pockets. Ah! So much shit on me. I don't know. I don't know.

Ilelie's probably like. Ilelie and the other elves are like. Ugh. Ah. Yeah, oh man, all those other elves. I can't stand NPCs in this kind of thing. Brother Ramius turns and is like, are you going to help us or what? Well it is Bugles' turn. Bugles had a rough first round with the Fortitude save from this creature.

You are far away. There you are about 15 feet to the northwest, standing right at the edge of this gateway. What do you do? So speaking of having a tough time, I have been, I was told, I was informed that I've been doing the damage wrong on my ignition spell. You've been underdoing your damage? No, no. I've been underdoing your damage? No, no. I've been very kind-hearted snitches out there.

I've told you. But I want to make sure that I am doing this right, because this is one of these things. You have to be a Talmudic scholar to parse through some of the damage. So the Amped version, so ordinarily the heightened version of Ignition which I'm at, it does 3d4 damage plus 3d4 damage. And then when I do the, normally do the Amped version, it says the initial damage changes to 1d10 plus 1 fire splash damage. So the argument that was made, I guess, is that that just means the first die of the three dice that you roll and not that the dice change to 1d10. It's not 3d10, it's 1d10 plus 2d4.

What is the exact wording? The initial what? The, okay, the initial damage changes to 1 D10 fire damage plus 1 fire splash damage. Are there other instances where initial damage means the first dice out of multiple? This is the thing, I've never encountered this anywhere else, so I don't know if this is right. But then it goes on to say, when using Amped Ignition as a melee attack, which is what I've been trying to do, increase the damage dice of the initial damage from d10s to d12s. So that implies multiple dice are rolled that are not d4s.

So, what the fuck? I have been on Cannon Fodder a month. I would just say, just roll a bunch of d12s and add them all up and do that much damage That that is alright Damage is like the initial group of damage and then there's like persistent damage and then your splash damage like your It's like it's not the first dice you it's a distinguished from like the splash damage It would say like one of your dies as a d10. It would say that. I think there was a lot of chatter that Buggles did. A lot of people sort of agreeing something was off with Buggles.

Yes, but I think people weren't taking into account that I'm rolling d12s because I was in melee even five feet away. So I wasn't rolling d10s, I was rolling d12s. And then like the last one that I had, like I rolled like incredibly well. So, but then I think like that's that was something else that I saw was that like this, this is I shouldn't be able to roll like 3d12 at all. 3d10 even. Right. So I don't I don't know. And what's it called again, the power that you use the ignition ignition. I'm looking at the phrase initial damage and relativity to like immunities, resistances and weaknesses. And it says initial damage in addition to persistent immunities, resistances, and weaknesses. And it says initial damage in addition to

persistent immunities, resistances, weaknesses. It's not like the initial dice and then the other dice are different. The initial damage. I think initial is distinguishing it from the persistent. Like the splash damage. Yes. Yeah. The persistent damage.

They can do on a high. Well, I do get on a critical, I do get persistent damage. I think that's what initial means, non-critical, non-persistent damage. Non-splash. That would be the way I read that, because in Ignition's text for heighten,

it says the initial damage increases by 1d4, and the persistent fire damage on a critical hit increases by 1d4. So that text is distinguishing those two things. Right. Even though they're both the same. Three eye things. Where does it go to 1d10?

What power is making good when I amped it? When I'm my psyche is unleashed and I spend a focus point and it gets amps, then it goes from D4 to D10 or D12 if I'm in melee. Yeah. And he can only do that for two rounds and then he becomes fatigued. And I can only amp it. I only have two focus points and so. Right. Right. And so that's the limitation on it I see so I just want to say like to the people out there that did try to call me out you're just lucky that this is a tabletop role-playing show and not like the wire are you fucking happy are you happy nerds just saying you hate fun you know what happens to

snitches where Where's Wallace? Where's Wallace string? All right, so what's going on here? All right, I'm on the Pathfinder 2e subreddit, which we all know is the last official word on everything. But I see enough upvotes here that this seems to make sense. You know this better than I do. So see if this makes sense to you. This guy, I'll call him up a wizard named Lizard. We'll handle. there you go. Unless he wrote shitty stuff about us, then fuck him. Uh.

The text says the initial damage changes to 1d10 fire damage plus one fire splash damage, so it does replace the number of dice rather than just the type. It's a small damage boost to AMP to start with. 1d10 plus one instead of 2d4. But the melee usage doesn't benefit as much. 1d12 plus one instead of 2D4. But the mail age usage doesn't benefit as much. 1D12 plus 1 instead of 2D6.

But once you're into heightened territory, the amped version starts to be far more appealing because you're looking at 2D10 plus two splash damage instead of 3D4 or 2D12 plus two splash damage instead of 3D7. But wait, what is the heightened territory? Now, now that we're third level, it's two? They automatically heighten.

I did that before, because I made that complaint before. It's like, why bother amping it at first level? Because the average damage that I would do is gonna be like the same or better not amping it. Right. Now it's like, okay. As you get better, heightening is good.

So now it's like, in melee, I'd be rolling 2D12 plus splash instead of 3d12. Got it. That's what I was doing wrong. I got confused by the heighten deck. I got confused. Still wanna know where Wallace is. If that's another time.

Where's Wallace? All right, so I'm going, so he's going to like unleash his psyche. This is the cool icon emerges. Troy, if you roll a critical success on this 4-2 save, I'm gonna be so angry. There's no 4-2 Zephyr. Oh, oh great, this is just a attack roll.

All right, great. So he's going to... I'll roll anyway. He'll be like, we spent all that time. Just roll a critical success. Oh, he could have an Epiphanate. Am I actually, am I right now where I'm standing with my reach, am I flanking with Zephyr?

Can you flank from range? Zephyr can't flank right now because she is in range. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's, yeah. Yep, I'm immobilized. She's not threatening at all. You see her cool grabs. Her cool chains. Right, she's technically not threatening it.

Okay, so I will step 10 feet to my east and snaps his fingers. And you got Bless. Plus one from bless okay all right so it's off guard even though it's ranged yeah okay it's male it's I don't know I don't know because I know it's considered melee but he's not in melee range so no it is it's a melee attack I understand that I'm saying by the rules of flanking but they this could be a fringe case what I don't think that what if I had like a spear?

What if I had a long spear? If you had the reach to hit a main melee, he's threatening. Okay, I understand. But I missed anyway, 18. Damn it. Damn it. Flippity-doo, but we learned a lot.

We did. Thank you, wizard named Lizard. He's quite nice. We owe it all to a wizard named Lizard. The important part was the friends we made along the way. What did we learn today, class? Nothing but scathing reviews. Alright, just a heads up, next round, Asta will go right around here.

But instead we go to the top of round three. And it's old Barnes' turn. Barnes, aka our last hope. I wouldn't go that far. The original Barnes, the one to the west, disappears. I prefer Barnes' original. At this point, who can tell the difference? All right, so new Barnes stays. Yep, and I am flanking and I will strike out

with the short sword. Come on. Okay, okay. 23 to hit. Off guard. Hit. Okay, nice. All right, and...

Okay, between 19 points of damage with the personal antithesis applied. 19 points of damage! Yeah, and hit! I rolled very well. It's dead! It's dead! Oh shit.

It's not dead. All right. I thought it had the same amount of hit points as Brother Amias. I assumed that of every opponent. How's it looking though? Great. Looks great, honestly.

All right, let's play strategically here. So Barnes is going to, Fun time. He's going to reach out and cast Guidance on Zephyr. Oh, yes. With my new archetype. Yeah, Sky Sage. Oh, right.

Oh, Sky Sage is it up? Sky Sage. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. All right, so you can, all right. So let me go back to flanking. I don't think you're flanking. It doesn't matter here, but you're gonna flank with us anyway.

But it does say under flanking, you must be wielding melee weapons or be able to make an unarmed attack. Which you did. In order to flank. Though you're considering that an unarmed attack, the spell? Yeah. Yes. Okay.

I mean, it's a, yeah. I don't know, if you're gonna call it a melee attack, why is it? If he were attacking, trying to use me as flanking, that wouldn't work, because like, I couldn't just do an attack. Unarmed attack is basically capital U, capital A. It's meant to be unarmed attack.

I think that's what it's meant to be. Yeah, it's not meant to be. But the moment he attacks, he's making a melee attack, and I am also threatening in flanking position. I wouldn't be threatening for his purposes, but he's threatening for mine. The pertinent thing is that this creature is being distracted. There are opponents on opposite sides of it.

And I've never hated Pathfinder more in my life. I do right now. In this moment. Flatfooted has always been a bugaboo. I hate learning also. Yeah, it sucks. I've done enough learning. I'm in my 50s.

Brain stretches and sucks. I'm done learning. That is exactly what my 50s. Brain stretches and it sucks. I'm done learning. That is exactly what my dad says. I don't need to meet any new people. I've never lost every baseball player up to like 1989. I don't need any new rules. That's it. No new friends, no new rules. I'm done.

All right. It used its reaction already, right? Yep. Yep. So I'm going to... Well, no. No. I just said yes and I wasn't listening. That was like 10 rounds. For what? To restrain.

Oh, that was the last round. That was the last round. To restrain, is that? No, the restrain was another, was during its turn, its attack. So if I move away, I'm probably gonna get stopped. Oh yeah, you ain't going nowhere. So. You could try.

No, there wasn't even a roll. Oh, it was against Fortune DC and it crushed it. No, no, no, no, you're mixing it up. It's an attack an attack roll and if it succeeds it doesn't do any damage, but you can't move That's what happened. Yeah, and you like you that stops Whatever strain was after its its turn during its physical attack. I meant sorry. I'm saying I'm sorry I meant it literally stopped separate from moving. Yes, but it was an attack roll Not as an attack. Yeah, not again. The fortune was was the rest of the actual restraint It wasn't a fortitude save. It was a an athletics role against 42 to see yeah, so this would be against your AC It'll probably hit I mean, it's definitely gonna hit so I'm gonna take another action. I'm taking another attack. Okay

Come on Nice one Stop just be like, oh just attack you, just swing. We keep doing that and doing natural ones. Oh my God, this is so bad. Three, three natural ones. Why does this keep happening to us? I don't know. All right, this one from Matt in Littleton, Colorado.

Hey, I live there. Hi. Matt. Hey, I live there. Hey, Matt. Was that- We went to high school, Matt. Thank you, Matt. Was that- When did you go to high school, Matt? Heritage?

Fuck you. No. No. No. Was that maybe a little sexy? Ooh. Ooh. It's been so long since you felt the sensual touch

of another being so close with this, with all this grunting and sweating. Did that enemy just wink at you? Oh, I love this. Those glistening muscles look extra taut from this angle. Your attack misses and you must roll a will save. Oh my God, I love this fail. Barnes is thirsty. I mean, as is made evident in the elf party too.

Yeah. Will save. Will save. Against what's the DC? Will save. Against what's the DC? It's save. Against what's the DC? It's AC. AC, God, here we go.

Come on. 17. Oh my God. Fail. Wow. You are stupefied one for 1D4 rounds. I love it. I'll help you out with that.

Oh, how many rounds, LaValley? So what about this monster, like, got you looking twice at it? It was me, clear here. It was the glistening muscles look extra taut from this angle. Oh, this is Drumsgang, by the way. Drumsgang from Twitch.

What's up, Drumsgang? Oh, God, that's great. With so many fumbles, it's nice we get to hear from so many different people. Yeah, we're hearing from the fans a lot today. Shut up. Well, at least I cast a spell before I became super fed. Yes.

Look at all the weird stuff on all of you. Wow. It's a bad situation. A lot of good dish. A lot of foundry is really highlighting our failure. Failure's never been more evident as it is on foundry. Anything else, Barnes? No, the other reason I chose to stay is I could offer

Oss some flanking in her enfeebled state. Brrrr, but she doesn't go for 45 minutes. Yeah, that's a problem. Zephyr, you're restrained. What do you do? You got guidance. Zephyr is gonna attempt to escape using her acrobatics check instead of an attack modifier.

Using all three actions. All right, so let's look at escape here. You can use whatever you want. You said athletics. Oh, it's gonna be the athletics. DC. Yes. You're choosing acrobatics over unarmed attack

or athletics, okay? Let me get my athletics DC. Do I also get a boost from bless, Joe? Yeah, hell yeah. Okay, so it's plus two. Well, I don't know. No, probably not, I'm sorry. It does have the attack to Bless. It has the attack trait,

but it probably is not considered an attack roll or? I think it is. You gotta get into the nitty gritty of Bless. Oh. You get a plus one to attack rolls. Right? To attack rolls. Yeah. I mean, it still has an attack trait. It has the attack straight. Yeah, it says attack rolls

This would it didn't say strike so I'm gonna say yes, you get your own Yeah, it's a plus one from beyond help your companions strike true. I'm trying to strike lowercase Lowercase a plus one stop it. It's less one or plus two one, stop it. It's a plus one or plus two? Plus one. Plus three. No, it's plus one. It's not an option. I'm gonna go plus three. Plus one, plus one, plus two, plus three.

You said plus two, but it's a plus one. Oh, plus two total because of Guidance. Yes. You give Guidance. Are those? They stack. They can stack. It's a status bonus, bless. And Guidance is a status bonus. Yeah, I was gonna say.

No, fuck. Wait, I thought. Man, if I just shut my mouth, you guys will try to pull any shit. You should shut up. Not me. All right, so plus one. Who was it?

Who yelled, hell yeah, when it applied. And then said plus three. I was kidding. All right, now do you have restrained on your character sheet? I do, I have it set. You have off guard, do you have immobilized? Cause all those things will affect your athletics.

Let me just add immobilized. It doesn't affect my acrobatics roll. Nothing does? It affects my AC. If you check restrained, immobilized comes up. Yeah, immobilized does not impact your acrobatics. Just off guard does, right? No, just AC. off guard just a picture you see yeah okay so you got this easily first roll come on 27 come on 20 or 27 get rocked you get free and

remove the grabbed immobilized and restrained conditions imposed by your chosen target. Yes. Awesome. First action, you're longer restrained. Oh, right. She- Bad ass. All three actions, you said.

I thought she would take all three actions because she'd fail, fail, fail. Oh. Yeah, he was just being a dick. I was just being a dick. I was ignoring him. Just being me in the little case stand. So she smacks it in the elbow and it goes, ow. And then she runs-

A dramatic retelling here around the campfire. Oh yesy she runs away 35 feet. Oh No Ride the tail work This is going to be a strike Let's do gonna be and you're flanked. You're flanked. You're off guard. Stop it. Turn! Twenty.

Miss! Yes! Yes! Awesome. Wow! Amazing! Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five. Get away. I rolled real bad.

That's amazing. And she gets into monastic archer stance. Yes! There we go. There we go. This is huge. Third action. Things are happening.

Ravius! Ramuh! He is going to... Ah! I can't, that's... Oh my god. He is going to... Ramuh!

You're like on one today. He is going to cast Heal on Barnsy. Okay. I've only taken four points of damage. Yeah, you should really. Oh, I thought you said 19. I dealt 19. We casted on him.

We took 14. Yeah, but dragons taking the most. And then did Barcluggles? Let's throw that out. I'm in hurt. Yeah. I'm hurt. I'm about to go down.

I'm hurt. Cause I'm sure it's going to deal 34 points. You have to be fine. Uh. Asta's right in front of you, sword at her side, going, I don't even care anymore. Yeah, I know. That's why he's not motivated to heal you.

You also are showing feeble, you're not gonna hit anything. Uh. Am I out of your range? Unbelievable. No, but you're out of the threat of the creature. This is tricky. All right, he will cast it on Asta,

but he is going to move around. Say something inspiring to her while you do it. Yeah, be nice to her. Yeah, because you like Leniko and you're like, what's the point? What did you say? I can't remember. I don't even want to be around anymore.

You don't even want to be around anymore. Ah, so you must not speak like that. We just need to focus. Bones, he needs you. And, uh... Remu? Where are you? I can't see you.

Remu? Remu will always be here. I can't see you through the haze of my own wings. I can't see you. Ramuh? Ramuh will always be here. I can't see you through the haze of my own wings. I can't see through the haze of my own wings. He's going to move until he's almost exactly 25 feet between Zephyr and Asta so they can both benefit from less... He moves feebly. Enfeebly. He usually looks enfeebled as he moves around. This now it's even worse.

He's stumbling over and he's thinking, you know, he says like, you have to stay in this. And he's thinking, we're all going to die. And he'll cast heal on a star with the two action version. That is 24 points of heal. Oh, and we're back. And that is his round. Give me a Fortitude save.

Fortitude save. Come on, Keeper. Save me. 26. All right, you move to stage one, which means you take five points of poison damage and you're enfeebled one. Do any of us-

One more success and you will cure. Yeah, that would be amazing. Do any of us have the three lesser antidotes that we got? Oh yeah, that's right. Who has that? We had antidote. I am not the chief. Pull it out, action one, drink action two.

I would assume Brother Ramius or Talitha did, and now Barnes, like, you know, if it was on her body, I don't know if you said antidote. Who made them? Talitha did and now Barnes, like, you know, if it was on her body, I don't know if you said antidote. Who made them? Talitha made them. You made them. They weren't storable, those. We got some, but we got some later.

The antidotes Talitha made were part of her alchemical science. I have them from the two lesser acid flasks on the oak steward, three lesser antidotes, two doses of shiver. We got it with all that stuff. Those we have. I don't have them on my sheet. Because I could make my own.

So someone has them. I never put it on my sheet. We have to put these things on our sheet. Asta probably has them. I'm looking at our loot sheet right now. I don't see that Zephyr took them. Zephyr took the one dose of Cytlish poison. If it's not on your sheet, it doesn't exist.

I have it on the loot sheet. I have it. It was never assigned, so it's lost. But we picked it up. We have it. read the game master? You're rolling badly enough? You don't need to bring us down with you all right words It is yikes his turn it says right here buckles Zephyr and lucky took the lesser antidote. Oh Claimant buckles Zephyr lucky you have one. I have one and you have one you're Asta. Yes, you're not lucky Not lucky at all and you guys used antidotes.

You've used antidotes before. Remember you tried to give me one? Yep. Oh my God, you're such a cheater, it's unbelievable. You know what, I don't think we have these. I can't believe that this cheating shit just came up again with the same antidote! How is that even possible?

Ah! I'm just instinctual. up again with the same antidote! How is that even possible? We should mark it as red on the card. Twenty level item, endless antidote. I'm just going to mark it as you, Zodiac, and I'm ashamed. Bag of the antidote, you just pulled one out. It's the dragon's turn. You are enfeebled one. You are enfeebled two. What's going on with you? I'm stupefied. You, what's going on with you? I'm stupid.

You're stupid. Stupid. Boggles got hidden. Zephyr got away. But this dragon is about to unleash pain. Oh god. Next week. No!

Oh no! We won't have time! It's gonna happen next week! I'm gonna kill you. Time to get our affairs in order. Good job guys. Time to write our will. Not everyone will be making it home.

All three props for everyone. Good job. Good job. Good job. Good job. Good job. Good job. Good job.

Good job. Good job. Good job. Good job. It's time to make your membership official. Become an official member of the Naish today at jointhenaish.com. That's join the N-A- at jointhenaish.com. That's jointhenaish.com, where you'll get access to exclusive podcasts and live streams you can't find anywhere else.

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