The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 65 – A Bard Day's Night

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

In Skywatch's Mystic Market, the heroes find another of Sakuachi's companions. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/PxhQwOjg1yg This episode was sponsored by Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. See why tabletop gamers everywhere have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp For all your random number-generating needs, visit Norse Foundry at https://www.norsefoundry.com/discount/newyearnewdice. For a limited time, save with code "newyearnewdice". Get $5 off your next order of delicious cereal at https://magicspoon.com/GCP or look for Magic Spoon in your nearest grocery aisle. Hold on to the dream! Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premiere source for role playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. The loss, us to sacrifice, will reverberate far into the future. We're in a treacherous space. Lives are going to be lost. What do you want to do? We still have to recover your friends and continue with the mission. You see a shadow that's kind of like maybe eavesdropping, but it looks like a child. Howdy. Sorry, I didn't mean to be creeping. My name's Gic, Gic Muck. You are a smiling wolf.

I guess you could say that, you know, bards gotta eat. A what? You're a bard. Yeah. What is your speciality? Honestly, a lot of songs about death, to be honest, around these parts. Can I show you something? Yes, of course.

And she kind of pulls her shirt down and she has the mark. This is incredible. To be honest, I'm not one for treasure hunting, I'm not too good at it, and I think they're getting pretty tired of me, but if I join y'all. Wait.

It's getting hot. Join us. Who are we to stand in your way if you want to die? Come on, let's go. Back to the market. Back to the market. Back to the market. There is this like low moaning sound. You hear that?

I hear it. I hear it. How about a little more light? From outside, we just see the storefront. Light up. You open the door. You see a woman wean with sickness. Help me.

You hear a crunch of gravel somewhere behind you. The adventure continues... now. You What's going on everybody? Welcome to a special Boxing Day edition of the Glass Cannon Podcast. How many people here celebrate Boxing Day? I don't, I'm at work right now. Where do you, on the 26th? Yeah.

Where are you working? I'm saying I'm at work right now. Like we're releasing an episode on Boxing Day. But in general, it was more of an in general question. Do you celebrate Boxing Day? Nope, I don't know what it is. Okay. How does one celebrate it?

Yeah, what when you do. Does anyone want a gift of presents to your servants? It's a United Kingdom and Commonwealth holiday. Wait, wait, wait, that's what it is? And watch Association Football. The origins are unclear, it says. Oh, oh how the turntables, Troy. That's not right.

What? I don't know, that's what the AI says on Google. No. Don't trust them. Don't trust them. Don't trust them. You gotta do minus AI. Don't let the AI tell you what to do. The term Christmas box dates back to the 17th century.

And among other things meant a present or gratuity given at Christmas. Yeah. So it's present day. I thought it was just putting shit away day that only Canadians celebrate. No, so I had no idea thought it was just putting shit away day that only Canadians celebrate. No, so I had no idea what it was. Boxing up day?

I thought boxing day was like all the boxes from the holidays, like make sure you flatten them and tie them up so that your super doesn't have to do it for you. I think that when this holiday was created, there wasn't Amazon time. So like there weren't lots of boxes. Do you see me like every day you order something

from the internet? Yeah, people don't seem to know that you're supposed to flatten your boxes. They just throw out the whole boxes. That's rude. As a child, I thought it celebrated boxing, the sport. That's what I wish. And I was like, wow, what's weird.

They picked the day after Christmas to celebrate. A British would do that. Sully Liston. And of all the sports. Wait, wait, wait. Also, you're saying before Amazon became big, people didn't give boxes? Well, I don't think we had such a cardboard box epidemic until we started ordering stuff

online. Gift boxes. Yeah, but a nice gift box should keep... But there was nowhere near the amount of cardboard that there is now. And you would keep a nice box and re-gift things. My mom, we had a closet full of boxes that we would reuse for the holidays and birthdays and stuff. Oh my gosh.

Ours was just in the attic. So many. That was one of the worst chores on Christmas Day, was like re-putting back dozens and dozens of boxes up into the attic for next year's gifts. My mom would be like, when you take the wrapping off, take that bow off. Yeah.

But it's separate. Save the bow. We saved all the bows. The tissues, she was so, the tissues, if you don't, she was like, don't rip the tissues when you pull it out. You're going to refold them. Yep.

Tissue paper, bows, and boxes. We saved all of them. Sometimes ribbon. We all grew up in the same tax bracket. Yes, exactly. Love that. But we were poor, but my mother has OCD, so there was no saving of the boxes. Like, that had to be turned out.

Wow. Oh, really? Yeah, and I'm the same way. I'm like, someone has touched those boxes. Painted boxes. Trash. Wow. Someone being you and your family. Yes, really? Yeah, and I'm the same way. I'm like, someone just touched those boxes. Painted boxes. Trash. Someone being you and your family, you just had to touch them again. They've been used.

My mother's like, no, just get rid of them. We'll get new boxes next year. Hot chocolate hands. Throw that away. We have this is just, I love this. So my grandmother, a long, long time ago, used to write the person's name, who the gift was for, on the cardboard box, on the bottom in the corner, really tiny.

So I guess, you know, and then she would just give it to them. So the boxes had like ornate tops that looked like wrapping, but it was just a box, and underneath she'd write the name. And my mom saved some of these, so we have them, and I mean, one says Joey on it, and it was like from when I was a little, little kid. And we still give it to each other every year. Like wrap it up.

Give it, I got the Joey box. I got the Joe box. Like for my dad. Oh, that's fun. Who here considers themselves an excellent rapper? And who knows their just that's not one of their skills. I'm a pretty good rapper. Yeah?

I would have said mess, complete mess. I would have said disaster. I had to do a temp job where it was like, we had a rap presence for some, I think it was like a La Mer or something. And so they taught me, they taught me how to properly rap. Oh, that's nice.

I need that. I need a good lesson. I need training. I am a terrible rapper. Wow. And the reason is, my sister. You don't care. No, my sister had a job like that. That need a good lesson. I need training. I am a terrible rapper. Wow. And the reason is, my sister. You don't care. No, my sister had a job like that.

Is that the only reason? And she was so good at it, that it just became, like, you know the silly things, where I just can't compete. Like, why even try? I can't compete with this. Why even try? I rap real tight. Yeah?

Yeah. You want a loose rapper. Wow. Nice and tight. You like a lot of tape? I'm a big tape. No, minimal tape. Oh, I like making it impossible to open.

I'm not surprised by this revelation, in the least, you want to make gift giving a challenge. I like a grittier gift giving experience. I can remember my old arthritic grandmother when she was still alive, I'd make it impossible for her. Can you just open it for me? I imagine Joe trying to wrap a semi-cylindrical thing and then just throwing the paper on the ground

and getting a bag and just sticking it in a bag with tissue paper. I do. I get very mad during wrapping. I'm a terrible rapper. I just give up very, very quickly. That's exactly what I meant. My first few gifts will have the, whatever you call it.

Ribbon? The ribbon and all that stuff. You get the bow and everything. Ribbon and bow and everything. And then after a little bit, I'm just like, you know, the, the, whatever you call it. The ribbon and all that stuff. Ribbon and bow and everything. And then after a little bit, I'm just like, forget that. And I just start like, you know, bend, bend, bend, fold, tape, tape, tape on the back. And what you end up with always is just these lumps

along the edges, right? Like just wads of paper around the edge. You have to just like, You gotta have it smooth. Yeah, I don't know how people do it. Like I don't know how you get that like, you just get good at folding. I do that, but it's still there's,

if I had a little rectangle, like yeah, it's not an issue. Like if it's a little rectangular box. But like a thing of tennis balls, you'd be like. Tennis balls, there is just so much wasted paper just wadded up in the top of the bottle. You gotta use the ribbons. The test, yeah. I make the same mistake every gift, which is that I'm like, I'll measure it out.

I'm like, I'm no amount supposed to live too much on the side. So I'm like, I'm like, all right, I think this is good. I measure and I'm like, no, no, no, that can't be enough. And I always give myself a little extra and then I'm done. And it's too much. And it's too much every time. You just gotta fold it down and make sure it gets halfway and then do the same thing on the other side.

You have the exact amount. And every time I'm like, it's not gonna be enough. And then what am I gonna do? I'm gonna have a little weird gap on the side. Can't have a gap. Can't have a gap. My favorite shortcut is when I have too much on the edge, right, and you're gonna do the folded triangle,

but the folded triangle goes right into the other folded triangle, so you know you have way too much. And then I'm like, god damn it, and I just grab the scissors and I just cut the like, yeah, the whole thing at once. It's so jagged. I'm getting sick just thinking about it.

Instagram served me a video recently because it's the holiday season of how to wrap awkward shaped gifts. And it was all these different, like a bottle, all different things. I didn't retain any of it. But it was intricate. It was like you have to like a bottle, like all different things. I don't, I didn't retain any of it, but it was intricate. It was like, you have to cut small slices in

and then fold each individual one down on the round bottom of a bottle. And I was like, it's too much, I don't care. Why not do like the, when you go to a restaurant and you have leftovers, you pack them home, and they make you tin foil art. Could you do that with wrapping paper? Like a swamp?

Wrap it in tin foil? No, like do that with wrapping paper? Like a swamp? Wrap it in tin foil? No, like you design the wrapping paper into a new shape. So take all your extra, Joe, Matthew's saying, and instead of making it a big clump, make it look like Minnie Mouse. Yeah. Uh-huh. Sorry, I'll do more work.

So I think I'm pretty good. But then you watch a video of Japanese wrapping no tape. Have you ever seen it? No. It just puts you to shape. They start with the box at a weird angle and by the end it perfectly tucks in. It's unbelievable.

That sounds so pleasing. It's wrapping origami. Yeah, it does sound very soothing. Oh my God. It just makes you feel like this small. He's talentless. Can you send us a couple of those? Yeah, if you just Google Japanese wrapping, it's pretty amazing. So cool. I do have a quick it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going go on reddit and I happen to see it on there. So

Congratulations, David Powell. Wow ocean one Wow I actually brought the dollar with me. It's in my jacket I was gonna pull it up, but I don't have it with me right now your last dollar but I'm gonna sign up a ruin it. I got his mailing address. Holy shit. What's the answer? So it was it was Abe from the Abe's Odyssey games from the PlayStation. Huh. Abe's Odyssey. So what's the character like? Abe is like a... Goblin named Buggles? He's a former enslaved person who is inhabited like he's this whole thing is like escaping from this evil sort of industrial food company.

And then he gets inhabited by the Shrykel, which is like this ancestral spirit, vengeful spirit that he uses to like destroy. It's great. Like it's the whole series is great. The first game is like really amazing. It's one of my favorites. It's always resonated with me. So that was he guessed it.

A lot of incorrect guesses. Appreciate all those, the work that went into that. So I had several myself. By the way, the guy is apparently a geologist who guessed. And I was just like, if you want something solved, go to a geologist. Wow. It's true. That's what they always say.

Yeah, that's the saying. Drill down and find the truth. Now is it a dollar for every episode that it took to guess it? Because that'd be 65. That's right. I down and fire now is it a dollar for every episode that it took to guess it cuz that's right 65 that's right Every episode we get through skin removes one cent yeah Define print of the deal this is a really interesting looking care Proposes to receive your money.

So it's a net loss. It's an IOU. A bill. $0.09. Instead of a bill for $0.09. I've heard of this game. Now that I look at the picture, I don't know why I know it. It's one of the few platformers that I've really loved.

I'm not a big platformer guy, but it is one of my favorites. The art does a kind of cool kind of stop motion claymation kind of animation style. It was so gorgeous, especially for the time. Really imaginative, I love the world. Really cool character. So yeah, if you haven't checked it out, I recommend checking it out.

Somebody guessed it. Wow. Son of a gun. Well, if you stay tuned, after the break, Skid will be starting a new contest. We'll be right back. As kids, we loved eating cereal, but as adults, you know, we don't want all that sugar and most cereals don't give us the protein we need.

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or look for Magic Spoon in your nearest grocery aisle. That's Magicspoon.com slash GCP for $5 off. Magicspoon, hold onto the dream. We're back. I lied. I want to thank our sponsors Norse Foundry and Foundry Virtual Tabletop. Norse Foundry. I have some late Christmas gifts to give you guys.

I'm giving you all a bottle cap. Just for great play recently. Box B Day Miracle. Just to show you how useless they are. Thank you. Oh man, they are not useless. We're about to have fun. useless they are. Thank you. Oh man, they are not useless. They're extremely powerful. We're about to have fun.

I got an heiress. Maybe Sydney's new character won't die. You've earned them. You guys have been playing well in the role playing aspect of things. Not so much in the game mechanics. No, that would be ridiculous. But good, good role playing and it's

a good collective cap here. So. I also want to shout out our friends at Norse Foundry for New Year New Dice. It is, we're coming up on New Year's in there doing a special for New Year New Dice. You go to the website, you can use code New Year New Dice, get a discount. That's nice. Yeah. Look at that, John, right there.

I could use some new dice. I'm throwing out all of my tour dice. It's a little book of gorgeous little dice. Can I touch it? Oh, so cute. Can I touch it? No. Don't touch his dice. We already are, we've suffered enough.

At your hands. Yeah, no more touching other people's dice. All right, sorry. I'll stay away. Matthew, you've got quite a pile of books there and only one of them is remastered. Yes. Just want to show off.

I might as well just have another game there. All right. You do. Yeah. All right. So you have made a deal with this camp of mercenaries known as the Smiling Wolves. It appears that they have seen people matching the description of Sakawatch's three companions that went missing when they arrived here at Skywatch and all got scattered by

the weird goings on in this now abandoned city. You make a deal and he's like, we'll open the gates, we'll give you a raft, we'll fill it with treasure as long as you help us because there seemed to be one of them talking to this group. We didn't know if they were friend or foe. One of them stumbled into the post of where the leader of this band of hobgoblins is holed up and then another was seen leaving the area and one of the smiling wolves left the area. If you can go investigate that,

maybe you'll find your friend too, find out what happened to our missing smiling wolf. So you agree to do this and you start navigating the streets. As you start navigating the streets, trying to use the stars as your guide, you fail and stumble upon this other worldly feline that brutalizes the group and kills Asta. and stumble upon this otherworldly feline

that brutalizes the group and kills Asta. Asta is now dead. You bring her body back to the Smiling Wolves' camp, barely navigating your way back to the camp, and you find there is a young gnome who is a member of the Smiling Wolves who also happens to've walked through a gate this is information that she did not share with Matt's and

Perhaps the other members of the Smiling Wolves, but she hears that your Gatewalkers gloms on to you and Joins up with you wants to learn more about herself when you guys tell her about joins up with you wants to learn more about herself when you guys tell her about Dr. Riddle son's group and the search for finding out what happened during this missing moment So she also sung a beautiful song Sad she seems like a wonderful Bart

Hugh Joe sad songs they say so much I've said this to all of you down, but I'll say it again Which is that I had a realization on the subway this morning, which is that Barnes is now the frontline fighter. So hope you all enjoyed Barnes. Gonna miss this AP. Miss it?

You head back out, barely navigate the stars to arrive at the Mystic Market, where one of Sakawatchi's companions was seen talking with people, but at the time, Market, where one of Sakawachi's companions was seen talking with people, but at the time, the Smiling Wolves were outnumbered by the number of people they saw in the Mystic Market, so they were like, you know what? We don't know if they're friend or foe.

We're gonna leave this information alone. You come here, you can approach from the north, the south, the east, the west. You decide to come from the north after scouting the area around the market and you hear sounds of like moaning coming from a building to the northeast. You sneak around into the square, go into this building and see a woman matching the description of Sakawachi's hunter lying on the floor

At that moment Gic muck your new companion standing in the back. Here's a crunching sound from behind Everyone but Gic roll for initiative Oh I rolled his paralyzed paralyzed. Just because Gic is permanently dead. Because Gic was assassinated. He's already dead. He's already dead. Gic was immediately taken out. Stop it. Ha ha ha.

The sound you hear is Gic hitting the floor. What did you get? Buggles. 17. 17 for Buggles. OK. Brother Ramias? 14.

Oh, boy. Barnsy? Frontline Fighter Barnes? 15. 15? 14. Oh boy. Barnsy, Frontline Fighter Barnes? 15. 15, okay. And Zephyr? 11. These aren't good initiatives.

No. That's what these are. You guys haven't seen this map yet, so let's go to it. Yes! I have a new map. Can you see it? So small. Yes. What the heck? Just a tiny little room. It you see it? So small. Yeah. What the heck?

Just a tiny little room. It's just a little tiny house. Just a little tiny house. Oh, I'm not in the house because I'm glass. Gixi's something different. Gixi's the outside. Hello. I also don't see a

Sakawatchi's companion. Am I meant to or do we just hear a voice? We just hear a voice. Theater of the mind for Sakawatch's companion laying on the floor behind a bookcase. All right, well, when this battle fight accidentally step on her theater of the mind jugular. Ah!

We're blamed. And she's dead. Well, I mean, you said we saw her. Yeah, you saw her. She's lying on the ground. She's not on the map. She's lying on the ground behind the bookcase to the right. Deeper into the room ground behind the bookcase to the right.

Deeper into the room. Does the room extend farther than we can see? Is this just dark or is it just this small? It extends a little bit further in, yeah, for sure. But you won't want to go that way. You're gonna want to go the way of the enemies. The way of the enemies are upon us. Gic, coming up from behind you, you see a man.

A mustachioed gentleman, I should say, who looks like this. Oh, wow. He looks like he could be a friend. Got a pipe. What a dashing fellow. Yes. Charmer.

A pipe, a kukri, and a hand crossbow. And a cob pipe and a button nose. Do I recognize him? Nope. Oh. But he looks- He's a treasure hunter. Quite angry. Oh I recognize him? Nope. Oh. But he looks quite angry. Oh.

As in not in the picture. Not in the picture, he looks too handsome and happy to even be an enemy. Yes. He's got that like braying along the temples that's really elegant. He's got, what's his face from Tarzan? The bad guy.

Never saw him. Phil Collins. No. Phil Collins is a good guy. You'll be in my heart. He's got like the hunter. He's like the hunter in Tarzan. He's kind of got that vibe.

Raven. Okay, so we all did know who we were talking about. No, we did not make the same joke. Oh, well. Clayton, Clayton is his name in Tarzan. Thank you CJ. Clayton. Well, he steps up to the corner of this building

to the southeast and fires off a crossbow at your tiny little gnomish face. Okey dokey, so okay. I'm reacting. As a gnome. As a gnome. You haven't gone yet in this combat, so let me see. Did you know it was coming with a perception

that was lower? 18, I think was my perception. Yep, and he rolled higher on his stealth, which he used for initiative, so you cannot use the reaction of Susar. Really? Yeah. Until you go.

It seems to. Yeah, it's very gray area GM fiat-ish. Yeah. And because you were paying attention to what's going on in the building. Because the trigger is I would take damage, not I see it back. Oh, okay.

Well then you haven't taken damage yet. Then you don't do it yet. It's very pessimistic of you to assume that I'm gonna create you. Maybe the fire hasn't happened yet. It hits you. You might miss. Where's your Christmas spirit? Okay, probably a miss with a 16. Oh, yeah

No need. All right, so moved Says what the 16 bolt just go into the door. Whoa Boom. Yeah, like six right in the wall All right, and then he yelled, Fano, there's at least five of them. Vesa, wake up! Vesa, get your cronies and wake up! And now it is...

He sounds a lot less handsome than he looks. Not good. Sounds annoying. Yeah. Yeah, I think you have a good idea. I am, I am, I am. I'm tired of this guy already. Yeah.

All right, Clarifying question. Yes. Is this door closed? No, the door's open, because you were walking in and Gic was the last to come in. Gic was like about to walk in. Follow-up question. Why is it closed?

You can't go in. You know, with four of you in there, you could all close it and hold it tight so that Gic would be stuck out there to fight these guys up. I would allow that. She's a bot, these guys out there. I would allow that. She's a bot, she'll be fine. I would allow that.

She's been living with the smiling wolves for some extended period of time. Who knows this guy? Let me mount there and hash it out. Help. Help. Help me. All right, we got a ruffian here in the back.

This ruffian is going to move and then swing a club at you oh my god this is a different guy there's a big guy to help now you might be able to use that attack of opportunity because that's a 23 to hit yeah so I'm gonna use my gnome, one of my ancestry feats, unexpected shift. I roll a DC 16 flat check on a success. I gain resistance to all damage equal to my level against it and I gain a plus two circumstance bonus saving throws, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Oh wait, details, details, details. I'd like to know the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah part. That sounds hard. Oh, I disappear for a split second before reappearing. And you roll a DC 16 flat check, or bad stuff, you get confused, you gain the dazzled condition, because I basically blink out and reappear.

What is this fourth party ability called? This is unexpected shift. Unexpected shift. Unexpected shift, I didn't know you were writing new. I typed unexpected shit, that was fun. Unexpected shift expected shift. I didn't know you were writing new unexpected shit. That was fun It's a gnomish gnomish trait it sure is a gnomish No, I'm sorry to reaction. You see what goes got something value disappearing for split. All right, it's officer bright

Roll a DC. You didn't mention the fletcher. I did. Oh you did. Yeah, so you are so roll the flat check first fail that real quickly. I'm gonna roll this side. No, no, no, you gain the dazzled condition. Oh, I read this wrong. I was gonna say, wait, so it's, but you avoid damage and you cast a spell in a single reaction? You avoid damage, the enemy is immediately confused.

It doesn't matter. It attacks all its allies. It doesn't matter. I failed it. You failed it. Okay. It's worth a shot. It's very cool ability. So she just squints her. It doesn't matter. I failed it. You failed it. Okay. It's worth a shot. It's very cool ability.

So she just squints her eyes and doesn't disappear. And I take the attack. I've done that many times. I almost never vanished. About to get hit. I'm reading it though. I'm trying to see where you got that I roll it. Did all this other stuff happen?

I got confused. It spaced it out weirdly and I was like, roll a DC, something, something, dazzle. I was like roll a DC something something dazzle I was like, oh you must roll it to not become dazzled. Yeah, I'm looking on archives of death It's nice and clean. So it's easy for me. Here we go. Here's the damage How about max damage to the tune of 11 points of bludgeoning? Oh, man Oh, that's a hit with a club. Are you laughing? This is hard so rude. Nothing funny about this. Well, it's also so terrible because I can't see anything none of you can see it

So like it's completely dark on our map Joe hates Bards, are you able to not wait for her to die? Help me Troy are you able to I love bars so we can see what we would see Am I able to who be happy shoe open the door on the map so we can see outside. Oh, yeah, sure Oh Wait, I see a little sliver of light a Am I able to who be hobby shoe open the door on the map so we can see outside. Oh, yeah sure Oh Wait, let's see a little sliver of light a sliver of light all right, so I see everything He hits you he move move and

Hit let me just see I can't that's all my actions. Okay, so now it is oddly enough Kickbox turn there you go. Okay free action And then she's Now it is, oddly enough, Gig Muck's turn. There you go. Okay, free action. Help! And then she's, but yeah, you hit her with this club, you said? Yeah. Boom! You hit her right in the head.

She's bleeding, and she's gonna say, you hit like a badger that's been drowned, you wuss. And I'm gonna cast. Oh man, how's he gonna you wuss. And I'm gonna cast. Oh man, how's he gonna come back for that? I'm gonna cast. Leave alone. Cutting insult. So make a, do do do do, will save.

A will save, okay. 23. Yeah, that passes. So on a success, You take half mental damage and no persistent bleed. And you become Frightened One. So, I'm gonna give you... Called me a badger?

Makes me so angry. So stupid. It makes me so angry. This is fun! You can hurl an insult and they start bleeding? It's a magical insult. It's a magical insult. It's so hot, it makes me so angry. You throw magical beams of light that hurt. Eight, half is 17, so you take eight points

of mental damage. Hey, that's not bad. Pretty good. And you're frightened one, but no persistent bleed. Frightened one, no persistent bleed. All right, any actions left? Yeah, that's- On a failure, frightened one?

That's two. Two actions, and then she is going to... Move... You want me to come in? You're all blocking the door. You can go through us. I didn't know if you wanted me to come in or come out. So we can shut the door, maybe. Do you guys say, come inside?

Yes, we did. She said she just wanted to be invited. She's a vampire! We know so little about her, we didn't even occur to us that she could be a vampire. Are you inviting me in? I just want to be included! Why does she have to cross any running water to get in there? So she, uh, she like quickly scurries backward as she casts that insult to the guy, the wet badger insult,

and she runs inside next to Buggles. He's just shaking. Yeah. Okay. She turns to the group. Got him. He's dead. He's dead?

One down. No, no, and there's two out there. And they're really dangerous. And I barely did anything. No, that was awesome. Stay back. Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck,

Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick Muck, Kick from Too Legit to Quit. Kick Muck, Kick Muck! Kick Muck, Kick Muck! So they're not saying Kick Muck. They are now. What are they saying? I don't know what they're saying. I have no idea what they're saying.

The thing that occurred to me, like, crafting that delicately created drop, is that FC Hammer sucked. How dare you! This is a bad rapper, man! I was like, listen, this is like how fucking sucks and I would say to his face But you know you'd say it on I'll say it in the like that they'll listen to this is pretty low It's not very good. We're not making friends with singers

MC Hammer did listen to the show. Yeah MC Hammer Hammer. If you do listen to the show. Big actual play fan. Hammer. Little no effect. I think he's saying keep on. Keep on? Get Buck? Get Buck? Oh, get Buck.

Wow. Who's Buck? Get Buck. Who's Buck? Get Buck, get Buck, get Buck. Maybe he's talking about Buck Leonard. I think he's like buck wild. He was a ball boy for the Oakland A's. He was.

Maybe he's talking about Buck Leonard. Do look, do it. Now MC Hammer hates us, Zia hates us, Pink hates us. We're making it. Dua Lipa loves us. Oh, do it, yeah.

Why does Dua Lipa love us? Dua Lipa's a big fan of the pod. Someone on our podcast is going around town pretending to be a Dua Lipa. You think it makes her happy? It's stolen Valor. No, it takes something off her plate. Someone on the podcast.

She's like Santa, she can't be everywhere at once. There's gotta be other people pretending to be Santa. So you're Dua Lipa's helper? Yes. Well, let's see if you can bring the MC Hammer to these bad guys' bugles. Okay. Look out!

I'm feeling bad about MC Hammer. I'm sorry, sorry Hammer. You gave me a lot of fun over the years. He had his own pants. Yeah, you invented a whole style of pants. We all wanted to wear Zee Capricci's back in the day. Oh my god, just the best. School dance. No, no better entertainer. Watch the YouTube. Have you heard the Addams Family rap? Well, that video was great. And then he had the little the the feud going on with Michael Jackson

Do what they want to do say what they want to say that great song great movie well Julia Well Julia's last movie. Yep. I'm gonna oh actually I think anyway I'm gonna do a frostbite frostbite feature. Please give me a fortitude say all right So you got line of sight right on this dude. Little frostbite and he's frightened, so it's gonna be a 10. Whoa! That is a critical foul.

Holy shit, we died like that one. Insults. Wow. That's what you get. You wet badger. You hurt my mind. Are we playing synergistically? What? You hurt my mind. It's round one, two of you have won.

Was a bard what we needed to bounce the party? The bard just reduced the will save that Pugles took advantage of. Bard the whole time. Oops, all bards. So fun. I played an all bard, it was D&D, but at Gen Con, Polarama.

Yes. Oh, that's fun, yeah. We were banned. 20 points of damage. He's also, he has weakness one to bludgeoning until the start of my next turn. Weakness one to bludgeoning? He's frozen. Okay.

It's like the T1000. Shatter him. Now you're chill, Badger. Okay, one more action left? Yeah. Yes. And then I'm going to, I'm going Yes. And then I'm going to I'm gonna raid actually, I'm gonna step back step back into the room. All right, Buggles steps back after

freezing this dude. Buggles. I mean, Barnes. Barnes will delay Barnes will delay. Well, what's Brother Ramious gonna do? Brother Ramious can't see what's Brother Ramius gonna do? Brother Ramius can't see what's going on outside, but obviously they're both shooting through the doorway. So he's gonna move back, he's gonna move past Zephyr and Barnes. Okay. And just be like,

I'll have to go out there and get them. We'll stay here either way. And he'll cast Bless. So he'll cast Bless on everybody. And he's just gonna like tap Barnes on the back and be like, good luck Barnes. Go get them. So he'll cast Bless.

Awesome. You wanna go Barnes? Yeah. Okay. I'll close the door. No, okay. I just wanna see Jason explode. I mean, that's not a bad idea.

Closing the door, honestly. Actually. Then they have to come and open it and you get a BAM! You know what? I will close the door. Close the door? Okay. You have two actions left. You know what? I'm going to... Throw out a grenade first?

I'm going to slide over, but I should be able to see differently. There we go. Okay, so now I can see them. So first I'll roll an exploit vulnerability. Okay. Natural 20. Woo hoo! Oh, exploited. Okay.

So I remember the creature's weaknesses, and as you empower your esoteric, you have a flash of insight that grants even more knowledge about the creature. You learn all of the creature's resistances, weaknesses, and the creature. You learn all the creatures resistances, weaknesses, and immunities including the amounts of the resistances and weaknesses and any unusual weaknesses or vulnerabilities such as what spells will pass through a Golem's anti-magic. You can either you can exploit either the creatures mortal

weakness or personal antithesis and then everything becomes magical for us already. You have this feeling that he is weak to bludgeoning. Such an ass. You're such a jerk. I think it's just the guy. I don't think it's Troy's fault that this ability only works if you're fighting magical dragons. It's the only time it's interesting. Roll the natural 20. I know, you just fight dudes like, what are they weak to? Getting stabbed in the neck.

Does he have any like, allergies? Honestly, I think that basically what happens is if I choose moral weakness, any weaknesses it has, basically all my weapons expect to become that kind of weapon. Oh, okay. So you have blood, you can, it's like the flat end of your blade? Well, no, it doesn't, the magic of the ability turns my slashing into bludgeoning. Oh, that's cool That said now I'm not gonna take this turn So I'm gonna read up on it to see if anything I can end that was endowed

By another spell would have had that effect or something has to be an eight. Okay, I'll get up because with my third action I will close it off third action. You'll close the door very good, it is Zephyr's turn I Third action, I will close the door. Third action, you'll close the door. Very good. It is Zephyr's turn. I guess I'll hold. Are there any windows? Yeah, is there like a, am I standing in front of a window?

Can I stand in front? You are standing in front of a window. Yeah. Smash the window with your arrow and just. All right, as you're looking out the window on your turn, right before your turn, in fact, you see another guy come peeling out of that building from across the way and run to the opposite side

of the door that you just closed. So now there's two people or three? Three. Three. Okay. Crap. So I let you guys all know that. There's more people out there than just these two.

There might be more coming. I'll help you hold the door if you need it. Hold the door. Hold the door. Hold the door. Hold the door. But for now, holding my turn. Holding your turn.

Are there windows we can see out of? Just the one. Just that one there, you can see it right on the map, right where Zephyr's standing. Nice big picture window here. All right, so you're gonna hold, we're gonna go to round two. Zephyr, you're standing right there,

so you can see that first guy that came up with the composite short bow, I think it was. Crossbow. Crossbow. He starts yelling, and he's yelling towards the door, but also turning around and yelling behind him as well, like into the other alleyways around the square. And then he moves north and out of your line of sight.

And now it's Gix's turn. Okay. Hmm. She whispers to the group. What's the plan? Maybe now Zephyr can take a bit of a turn. Like is this room this room is bigger than what it looks like? Like shadowed wide shadowed shadowed wise. I'med, shadowed-wise? I'm wondering if there's another door on this floor that he's signaling to them, like, go around or something.

Mm-hmm. So, Gic, it's your turn. You're looking for another door? Yeah, if that's the plan, if we're like- No, Gic was just saying, what's the plan? I'm asking the group, what is the plan? Zephyr was talking about jumping back into initiative right now.

Yeah, I see. And maybe trying to find a, like, Is there another door in this room? There are light switches? There is a door. The light is on in the room. Like, I cast light. Okay.

All right, yeah, you cast light. I should put that on your pawn. In the back left corner of the room, so north west, there is a door leading in to what you would think would be another part of the building because you could see from the outside there was a addition there to the on the west side of the building so you think it probably leads that way and then could lead back out is it 35

feet away or less you can get there in one okay i move up to it and hold the handle okay open it right open it we don't think they're in this house right i don't know but that's the only other Hold the handle. Okay. Open it. Open it? We don't think they're in this house, right? I don't know. But that's the only other entrance into this room. So if they come in that way. But they have to come through the house, so. All right, come out and take the boys and surround the house.

Yeah. Do what you want to do. Yeah, I go up to that door. So if anyone comes in it, I'll be ready to pit. All right, so you're standing right in the other side of that door. Yep, you open it or you don't I don't open it You can also ready. Yeah, so I have two actions. Yeah, I run up and I ready an action if it opens I punch Flurry blows. Okay, that happens. All right, so you move in initiative order and you move up there and you use the ready action Okay, it is Buggles turn. Oh wait, is it my turn?

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, Gek, you can sing up there. Okay, so I have Biting Words, which is auditory. I assume I don't have to see the person. It's a ranged attack. I know that they're outside. I would like to yell out to them. Biting Words? Biting Words.

I mean, you don't need line of sight? I mean, it's a... It's an attack. The targeted spell, you have to have Line of Sight. Pretty sure. Auditory, actions and effects rely on sound. Evocation. Linguistic.

Language comprehension. Sonic damage. Does it say anything about targeting? It's a ranged attack, so yeah, you'll need Line of Sight. I need Line of Sight. I will... Oh, you know need line of sight. I will I You know what I'll do I will do courageous anthem So I'm gonna inspire everybody around me. I'm gonna grab my loot and I'm just gonna start playing my loot Okay, grab the loot as an action. Don't forget sure. It's an action

Yeah, and then second action my courageous, everybody gets a plus one status bonus to attack rolls, damage rolls, and saves against fear effects. Nice. You don't, but everybody else does. We have Bless. Oh, did you cast Bless on everyone fits in Bless? Yeah.

They don't stack? They're status bonus. They're both status bonuses. Both status bonuses. So you gave Bless to everybody? Yeah. Okay, then I will. Well, it's within the house.

It's a 20, it's 15 foot range right now. okay, then I won't do I won't do that right now I should just stop casting bless or ever preparing it again Now we can make some figure it out later. Yeah, what a do bless you can I'll hold my turn then and I'll see if somebody's gonna open the door I thought it would be divine versus like Very different kinds of bonuses right? Yeah, Blessing from God versus listening to a song. So I took no actions then. I'm gonna hold. I'm gonna delay my turn.

Okay, so you'll loot still on your back. Yeah. All right, so now it goes to Buggles. I'm gonna hold. I don't know what we're doing. Yeah, right? We're waiting for them to come in and- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You are waiting, that is true. Brother Ramius? Delay. Expand Bless? Or- Yeah, I'll expand. Brother Ramius? Delay. Expand Bless? Or? Yeah, I'll expand Bless. Because now I'm outside of it.

What about Sakawatchi's friend? Great. They're on the ground? Sure. Yeah, okay. Dude. Uh. The bedside matter is stunning.

Yeah. Someone's dying, bleeding out of the ground. He's like, oh god. Oh, we have other concerns with them. Do you wanna check on them? He'll expand Bless. Stunner yeah dying bleeding out of the ground He'll expand bless And then I mean they're not on the map obviously, you know, so it's very confusing and also these tables I don't know how they impact movement and stuff like that Like you just go anywhere and can't walk through you get a walk around There is no around like in the back

You know what I mean? Like it's such a small tiny room and these tables are all jacked up Yeah, just use your imagination. Tell me where you wanna go. All right, so he'll use one action to sustain Bless and increase it to 25 feet. And then just say, Bons, are we going out or staying in? Let's stay in for now.

And he'll look back to, what was the companion's name? Deniji. Deniji, we knew that. I think Uh, Deniji. Deniji? Mm-hmm. We knew that. I think you did. Are you Deniji? It's almost like she's having a bad dream. Help me, please.

Deniji! Deniji! And he's trying to see if he can get any response. Nothing. She's like half unconscious. Yeah. But you don't see blood anywhere. Okay.

You don't see... All right, I'll do a medicine check to see if I can determine what is affecting her. Obviously she's a little... That's the word I'm looking for. Out of the mind. Yeah. Ooh, that's good. That is a 27.

You know this. You can tell that she is under the effects of Dreamtime Tea. Which you think like had to have been administered recently unless it's some sort of souped up version of it that would keep her in this state. She's like all drugged up. She should have known from the little bear on the box.

Sleepy time. It's a sleepy time. Did you drink something recently? Did anyone have you drink something? Mmm. This isn't working. She has none of... It's a stupid idea! You notice she has none of her gear. She has no like if she's the hunter she has no weapons on her. She's armorless

Also, like I don't know. I guess you could trick somebody and give them tea, but how do you force feed somebody tea? I wonder if they dumped her here? Or she took it at... I don't know. Yeah, all right. Is Dreamtime tea used in like Spirituals? Did she like maybe do it to herself? Is Dreamtime tea used in like spiritual, did she like maybe do it to herself? Yeah, the way it's described in the book is this lemony tea blended from rare Vudrani herbs and flowers is widely circulated

by occult circles looking to transcend the boundaries of reality. Ayahuasca tea. One can be addicted to Dreamtime tea. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, very powerful drug. It's like a liquid peyote.

So yeah, maybe she overdosed. Did it Yeah, great powerful drug. It's like a liquid peyote Yeah, maybe she overdosed it herself. Yeah, but yeah, you don't know what's going on here But now brother Ramias has taken his turn as Barnes's too Turn her over on her side Little listen to all my brothers Does anyone have Jessica? Does anyone have a copy of Jessica? Okay, Barnes is gonna glint the mirror. You love glinting the mirror.

And another Barnes is going to appear outside the house. Oh, God. Okay, you don't need line of sight for that I Mean Well, she can't speak without line of sight Are you sure you don't need line of sight for that you go on up the window into it? I know but it's still an audit sounds insane to be able to do that. Yeah I'm still googling to figure out if there's any barred stuff you can do without line of sight. Okay No, it's you you have to be able to see I'll go far as to say you can't do that

Yeah, that would because that would literally mean you could go through any wall. Yeah at any time Be powerful that was listen Over to the window. Yeah, look out the window Look at the window and make another barns outside and you make another barns outside now Where do you make this barns 15 feet away? 15 feet so let's go Directly to the south. It's it's. No, let's go a little bit southwest. Can you see through their eyes? Oh boy.

I still haven't, I still have not seen a five. What do you see out there? What does the sea? So three of them are, there's two flanking the door. It's so cool that only you can see this. There's two flanking the door and One that's making his way around the Backdoor yes, and there is another the door There's like it looks like there's a little extra as Troy's angle extension on the house and on the western side Looks a little maybe a little mud room perhaps

Okay, so Love it. It's no mere mere Barnes will say oh It's not Barnes' voice. I was about to do Lord Northwood. I heard you going into it. We could use him right now. I know, it would be helpful. He'll be like, Oh, hello fellas. And then he will, the Barnes in the house will move

and he'll disappear. The one outside will disappear? Okay. Wow. You have to maintain line of sight? No, it would disappear at the BMAX turn or if one of us moved. Oh, okay.

Oh, they're interesting. Okay. So they did, from their perspective, like an aberration. They saw me close the door and then another Barnes walked over to the window and then another one just appeared, like standing about 10 feet away from all of them. For a couple seconds. I think they'd probably run away. I think they'd probably run away.

I think they'd probably run away. Yeah, they'd give up. They'd drop all of their valuable stuff and just run away. That's exactly what would happen. Take out gems! That's what I would do. That's what I would do. Honestly, I'd just pull out my wallet

and just dump it on the ground. And I'd throw it, I'd give them the wallet too. Leave it all or they might chase us. Oh, you know what I'd do? I'd throw it like 10 feet away in the opposite direction where I'm running. Safety check. And then run. Through the window.

Safe way to do it. All right, so this is interesting here. God, this will be so dumb because of this closed door. Yeah, I'm going to just... It's round three So I love crazy I love standoffs in None of us had to roll many dice, so this is definitely an advantage for us right now Well, it's an advantage until they're like window gasoline

torch tear gas That's when it starts getting bad. It's a seren gas seren. Yes. Exactly. Do they have flashbangs? Sawed-off shotgun to take up door opens everybody breaks breaks breaks one of the bulls that sawed off shotgun to take out the door very interesting again you guys hear it's coming out to the back you that way you this way you hear this guy talking still and alright here's what's gonna happen now the guy right outside the door opens the door And... Alright, here's what's gonna happen now.

The guy right outside the door opens the door. Okay. Okay. And he comes in with his second action. Ooh. Stands right between all three of you. He looks way more evil. He does.

Yeah, this guy looks like the bad guy. He's quite a bit larger and, oh you know, he's just bulkier. Oh, he's a dwarf. Is he a dwarf? No, he's average height. He's a squat fellow. Yeah, he's bulkier. Squat.

He says, this is the one that hit me. He's got like tats on his head. He's got like mince-style head tattoos. He's got no shoes on, and it's cold out. Yeah, he's got no shoes. Very ornate dress. He has all these beads hanging out. Yeah, he's got no shoes. Very ornate dress. He has all these beads hanging. Fertuitous.

His head tattoo resembles a comb-over. I wonder if they're... I wonder if they're Vudrani. Oh, maybe. That's the dream time, too. Yeah, it might be with all the... The garb is so foreign to this place. There are a lot of jingle jangles all over.

Yeah. Now does anybody have a tax of opportunity there? Because he zips around to the other side of Barnes. Barnes does have one. He chooses not to take it. He chooses not to use it. Oh. The other one will then move into initiative order and come in.

Uh oh. And flank Barnes. Oh. Damn it. With his first action, second action, it swings a club at Barnes. Wait, wait, wait, wait Okay He has no problem getting around to there Well, that's why I said if nobody had a tax of opportunity just moved up

I mean to have to walk through a table. Let's walk through two tables. He didn't walk through the tables He walked through that area. You know, I mean like you can move diagonally from where they're standing to there okay yeah I didn't go up and around the table I'm just gonna get over there. That is a 26 to hit. That hits. Okay, a couple things are gonna happen. Oh wait. What did he hit me with?

You are off the guard. I'm gonna do a reaction. I'm doing a reaction. What's the trigger? The trigger, I've got so much new gnome stuff, sorry. Did you read any of it before you came here we should talk about what happened before you never mind it's a saving throw not a attack okay all right so yeah a couple things are gonna happen wasn't a crit

which was very very good for you however there's some bonus stuff going on here just want to see yep that's to be a bonus to damage. So you're going to take sneak attack damage on top of the regular. And the sneak attack is larger than normal. So first, now here's a good thing. Are you taking any resistance to bludgeoning? Or no, you just do extra.

That's what it is. All right. So you're going to take seven points of bludgeoning damage. Excuse me, eight points of bludgeoning damage, excuse me, eight points of bludgeoning damage, and then four points of precision damage. Okay. So 12 total. That was his first action, his second action, he'll swing one more time at the club now.

He's got you flanked. This will be against your off-guard AC, Natural 1. Hell yes! Yes! I was just thinking, I'm like, I hope he rolls a Natural 1. Natural 1. Just a willy-nilly, might as like, I hope he rolls a natural one. Natural one. Gorgeous. Just a willy nilly, might as well hit again.

Keystone Caps. Amazing. All right, this one from Tom O'Brien. From Boston, Massachusetts. And O'Brien from Boston. Naked nephetist. Shocker. Shocker.

Naked nephetist. I wonder how he got in there. Squeaked his one in. Hi, Tom. This one is called, ooh, this is actually kind of perfect. It's called Jewelry Curse. Ooh.

You know, we said they were having us all this stuff dangling off of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your attack misses as a belt, necklace, or some other unnecessary piece of fashion comes undone and tangles in your limbs. It's actually perfect. Relatable.

Make a reflex. He was too gaudy. He was too gaudy. He was too gaudy. He gets on a huge necklace. 26. That's a success. You are slowed one for one round. Oh, that's great.

Helpful. Thank you, Tom. That's very helpful. That's cool, Tom O'Brien. Tom O'Brien. Slowed one from Tommy O. Tommy O. Boston Tom.

All right, so these two guys are in the building. Zephyr, you made your way towards the door up there. It's your turn, what do you do? All right, which one of these is the susceptible one to bludgeoning? The one that came in first, that was on the other side is closest to you. Awesome. I would love to stay by the door, but there's already two came in first, that was on the other side, that's closest to you. Awesome.

I would love to stay by the door, but there's already two people in here flanking Barnes. So Zephyr is gonna scoot up to the one, to Barnes' left. Okay, now you're flanking him. Flurry of blows. Flurry of blows. Let's fucking go.

Go rolling after one. I'm gonna roll my purple dice. Sparkly. My roll my purple dice. Sparkly. My sparkly purple dice. Um, 25. 25 is a hit. Yes. First one, and then I'm gonna do the thing and the thing.

And then the second one is gonna be 18 to hit. 18 hits is flat footed AC. Amazing. Amazing. Yes. All right, so stunning fist with fortitude safe and clean. He doesn't have to because he had two hit points left. Oh. At least two minimum damage.

Like a sub-zero fatality. Yes. Showers on the floor. Awesome. Nice. Zephyr feels super confident right now. You're as cold as ice. Crumble ice cubes all over the floor except for his valuables

All of his jewelry all this jewelry say floor so you move attack attack you still got one more action Oh, oh, that's right. It's one more um I move back to the door move back to the door. Yeah, honestly Get muck you're right next to one of these guys. He's got you cornered against the wall Yeah Gekmuk, you're right next to one of these guys. He's got you cornered against the wall. Yeah. Boss, get out there. Got you cornered against the wall. Cornered against the wall. You're cornered against the wall, kid! I think, oh no, that's a cone. I can't do that one. Oh, I won't do that one. All right, I'm gonna do... Kick him in the nuts. Oh, all right. She goes to

kick him in the nuts, but she stops and she says just kidding and then she's just gonna put her hand out and I'm gonna cast fear. Okay that will provoke an attack of opportunity which he takes and swings a club at you. She's wild. She did this the first round you didn't take the AOA. Just forgot. Took it now. Who was it? 25 to hit. That does, and I am going to use my unexpected shift again.

Okay, give me a flat DC 16, check! Yeah, let's see. I'll start rolling the damage. Tame as I rolled last time, fail. All right,, well you take Eight points, excuse me, nine points of bludgeoning damage from the AOL But then you cast fear. That is a targeted spell, right? It's not gonna make all your friends afraid. No, it is a targeted spell.

Target's one creature, yeah. Target's one creature and you need to make a will save. A will save. And you have messed up will, right? This is the guy with the messed up will? will save a will have a messed up will right? This is the guy with the messed up will no no nobody has messed up. Well. Nope oh That's a bad roll. Oh, that's gonna be a nine. Oh my god critical fail What is going on? It's just a low level dude right now. Wow you are frightened three Fleeing for one hour so get

It says one hour of real life time. So like at the end of the session, I guess you stop being frightened. No, just kidding, it's one round. One round. But yeah, so it goes to kick you in the nuts, gets hit in the head with a club, and then just says, oh, you're outta here.

And then she casts fear and she wants you to run away. Jeeper. Wow. See ya. Love fear. Frightened three and fleeing. I'm forced to run away. I must use all of my actions trying to escape the source of the fleeing condition

as expediently as possible. And he slowed too. And he started running really slow. He's not gonna get that far. It's like a nightmare. That's the worst. I think you guys have this battle in hand. Let's find out if they do right after this quick break.

We're back! One guy is dead. One guy is slowed, frightened free, and fleeing. But there was at least one other person outside of the building. And who else was he yelling to down these alleyways? Buck. Buck?

That was awkward. Buck Leonard? Gic? Gic Muck? Gic, did you have any actions left before I went to break? Oh, I did. I have another action. I am going to...

You already did the bless, so I'm trying to figure out these new things that are like You shperpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderpaderp Yeah. Guidance is also a status bonus. Oh. Oh, well. Yeah, but it can work for a saving throw. Yeah, you know what? I'll give guidance to Barnes, a skill check or a saving throw. And then she'll say, go get him, Tagger. Thanks. I'll be in here. I'm going to take care of the guy that tried to beat you over the head with him.

Don't worry. He's not going to be bothering us much longer. Right now he's still here. We wouldn't want to take away. Soon he's gonna be gone. This guy's like melting down in fear. He's gonna be running top speed for an hour. Just you wait.

For an hour. Buggles, you're up. This guy looks pretty scared and he's right next to you. Okay. Buggles, sensing the fear coming off of him is not going to attack him. Instead, he actually I think I'm just going to hold again. Hold again? Okay.

Brother Ramius. Ramius is going to pop up and try to fire a Divine Lance at this guy. Okay. So yeah, he comes he realizes there's nothing to be done right now. This T is working its way through Sakawachi's ally. And so he just turns around. These guys bust in the door and he just fires as soon as he can. A divine lance.

AC lowered by three right now. AC lowered by three. Love it. All right, that is 18 to hit. 18 to hit? Oh, yes. They're AC 20. Minus 3.

And his Frightened 3s. Right, right, right, right. Frightened 3. Frightened. Frightened. Frightened. Fli-tened. Fli-tened.

Fli-tened. Fli-tened. Fli-tened. Fli-tened. Fli-tened. Fli-tened. Fli-tened. Fer fright. Hey. Jesus. You know, it really just pains me when you roll these dice. Man! Two points of death. Oh my gosh.

On a divine lance. Two ones. Whomp, whomp, whomp. Two ones. What level spell is that? It's a cantrip. Oh. Two... Whoa, I, no. Who wants? What level spell is that? It's a cantrip. Oh. Two dice.

Whoa, I'm sorry. Actually, apologies. Right? Yes. It's actually six points of damage. Six points of damage. Yeah, it's three dice. Yeah.

I'll take four more. Okay. Anything else? You got one action left? He does have one action left, and so he will say, There, Barnes! I've weakened him! And he will aid Barnes.

Actually, you know what? I will sustain Bless. Sustain Bless. And make it 35 feet. Okay. It is Barnes's turn. Okay, Barnes will take a swing at this guy. Flanking minus three from the frightened, plus the aid from brother Amias. No, no aid.

Instead I sustain. You sustain, sorry. But I gave you guidance. Gave me guidance. In case you were out of the house. I can't take the guidance on the attack roll though. Yeah. Is a plus.

Or I won't take it anyway. Okay, with the Kukri. Flanked. Natural one. Oh, the guy was frightened three and off guard. Natural. Kukri. Root.

On a stick. What a beautiful natural one. Kukri, I'm running out. It's actually the dye that our fine friends at Norse Foundry sent us very early in the pandemic. When you lost all your guys. Or you're all your guys with the studio. You couldn't get back together. Yeah, I Or you're all your guys with the studio. Yeah.

And you couldn't get back together. Yeah, I remember. Didn't show up for you today. No. How about a fan fumble from the great state of New Jersey? Are you kidding? What the heck did you have? That's messed up.

Is that what you have right there? Bolo Joe from Matawan, New Jersey. Whoa, you guys are witches. Matawan. Whoa, that was creepy. Stop it. That's creepy. How about we got are witches. That one. Whoa, that was creepy. Stop it. That's creepy. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. You're lying. All right, this one from Bolo Joe who says, hit in the tweener. Oh. Uh-oh.

Oh, that doesn't sound good. What's wrong? What happened? You gonna hit yourself? Your heroic or infamous actions attract the attention of the fickle god Norse Foundry. Your attack misses and until the start of your next turn, you must make all d20 rolls three times and take the middle result. That's so weird.

Drop the highest, drop the lowest and take the middle result. Drop the highest, drop the lowest, and take the middle. Right in the tweener. That was fun, I liked that. Do they mean literally the middle result or like take the median? Like take all three numbers and then get... You disregard the highest, you disregard the lowest, and you must use the tweener. That would be a meaner result. Oh, that's good.

Nice. All right, I will swing again. I'm gonna roll these separately because I don't want the dice to chip. Okay. Okay, the first one's a natural 20. Oh! Ha ha ha!

Right in the tweener! Ha ha ha! The second one's a natural 20! Oh my god! You're guaranteed a natural 20! You're guaranteed a natural 20! And the third one's a natural 18! That's insane! That's insane!

That is insane that you just turned that fumble into a crit. What? Okay. Wow. That's amazing. I can't believe that happened. What? Okay. Wow. What in the world? I can't believe that happened. I can't believe that. Wow.

Get a crit, get a crit. Yeah, that's a fan of Critical. Oh, that's right, that's a fan of Critical. Polo Joe submitted a fan crit. Taking a picture of this. That's incredible. That's crazy. Amazing.

That is really cool. Alright, this one from Josh in Omaha, Nebraska. Hey, Josh. Headin' out to the Midwest. Somewhere in middle America. Josh from Omaha, Nebraska. John the... Home of the Corn...

Oh no, glad it's Lincoln. Carry on. Carry on. There's another branch of the University of Nebraska that has a campus there though, so... It's true. That's great. John the Baptist. Is it J-A-W-N?

You strike your enemy with such force that they are baptized in their own jawn. Double damage and a fortitude save. All right, I'll roll the fort. I'll do double damage. Nat 20 on the fort. Critical success, no additional effect. Had you failed, you would have been different variations of blinded

22 worse to the slight of bursts in front of your eyes 22 points of damage. Oh I'm sorry. It's more I forgot to add the exploit vulnerability. Yeah, but it's personal entities. So it'll just be 25 points of damage and that is enough to yeah Thank You Josh So it'll just be 25 points of damage. And that is enough to kill. Yeah! Nice! Hell yeah. Thank you Josh! Nice job Josh. Okay, and then third action.

Shut the door? Shut the door. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yes! Bard's good. Bard just stabs this guy in the face. He misses so badly he hits himself and he's like... and then just stabs this guy between the eyes. And then very demurely he closes the door. Very mindful, very demure. Closes the door, two of these ruffians now dead.

We're going to round four and business is about to pick up. Oh yeah? From outside, you hear footsteps come running towards the door. And the door opens, and there is a figure standing there that looks like this. Oh, another dashing fella. little bit more dashing than the...

With a machete. With a machete. Who the heck are these guys? He's got an evil smile. I like these guys. He's actually holding a hatchet and he goes to swing, said hatchet, at your chest with his third and final action. That'd be me, I'm assuming.

Yes. Natu misses. Okay. Woo action. That'd be me, I'm assuming. Yes. Natu misses. Okay. Woo hoo! That sucks. Reaction. Reaction. When an enemy misses you.

I have door close-io. Door close-io? Did you open that door on the side or you just went up to it? No, I just ran back up to it. Okay. You hear noise coming from that door. Da-gunk, and da-gunk, and all of a sudden,

the door next to you opens up, and you see another one of these gentlemen dressed very similarly, maybe they're twins, standing right there. But because of all the opening of doors, that's all it can do, and you guys can guys can nice you guys see into that room or no no all right So it's right up basically right on the other side of the door is this gentleman So you've got one next to ready to action right no because I move oh and hit and then just move back. Yeah

Okay, and then That first first guy the one that was barking out all those orders Comes running into the room all around How Zephyr basically from the part of the map you can't see he runs past his guy and past Zephyr and around That would provoke if you have an a o I do not okay, so now there is guys in the room as well That was I think because the doors were open. Yeah, he's still got two actions.

With another action, he just starts barking out orders. You, you go there, you, come on in and get them, you! We've already lost two! That is an action, he's obviously giving them some sort of boost. And then with his final action, he drops his short bow and pulls a great ax off of his back. Oh.

Okay. It's Zephyr's turn. Flurry of Blows on the man number one. Kick his ass. Flurry of Blows on man number one. Man number one. Kick his ass! Three blows on man number one. Man number one. So that's 25 for the first one, unless Bless gives me a plus one. Yeah.

Right, so 26. 26, that's a hit. Nice. 26 for the first one. Second one is... Great Axe, Great Axe-y. 25 for the second one. That's two hits.

Hell yeah. Fortitude save, please. Fortitude save. A little bit better, 24. That's two hits. Hell yeah. Fortitude save please. Fortitude save. A little bit better, 24. That's still a pass. Okay, yeah, this guy seems pretty hardcore. So, damage, I didn't do damage last time because the guy just died. Right?

Shit, minimum damage for the first one. And then, shit, four, and then eight. 12 damage total. 12 damage eight. 12 damage total. 12 damage total. 12 damage total. And then, let me think here. That's one action. I think I want to move,

because he's got a great axe out. But do I want to do something before I move? Hmm. You also might have an AOL. Right, with the axe out? Yeah. We don't know yet. The other, these two guys we just killed did.

They did. Okay. Hmm. I think I still want to move. Okay. And see. Okay. Or maybe a knowledge check first? I think I still want to move okay and see Okay Or maybe a knowledge check first. I did a knowledge check. We know everything Unless against this guy well, they're all humans. They're just do yeah, it was against this guy your

Was against this man right sure man number one. Yeah, what's against them? No it was against No, it was against the one of the ruffians. Yeah, but yeah, it. No. It was against one of the ruffians, yeah. But yeah, it does appear to be a human man. Maybe she glances at Barnes. Hold on a second. You have two move actions left. I have two, yeah, two actions. And what are you intending to do once you move?

Because you could just move twice and not provoke and just get on the other side of the room if that's what you wanted. Or run out the building. The other thing you could do move twice and not provoke and just get on the other side of the room if that's what you wanted You're not the other thing you do Shut the door There's a guy standing in the room. That would also provoke. I Can move twice and it doesn't provoke. Yeah, cuz you can move five feet and then five feet. That's Step step. That's what she does five step five five feet step. Mm-hmm, and then she I guess steps onto the guy's dead body next to Barnes

Okay, you're gonna know that that's that bar If that guy provoked if that guy has an a OO that would provoke was your intention to avoid no, okay It wouldn't she's using two actions to do it. She's stepping then stepping but she stepped and then she moved 15 She moved herself. I moved myself back because you guys said I couldn't. I see, so you stepped and then stepped back. Stepped and stepped. Gotcha, okay. Stepped and stepped. Great, yeah, you're right next to that dead body.

Has her stance still up with her fists? Come get me, come get me. All right, gek muk. All right. Actually, I'm gonna take my turn. Okay, Buggles. Here you go, Bugs. Come on, join the fight, Bugs.

So, like seeing this foe, this more worthy foe, appear in the room, the Kuala Khan sort of forces his way out. It's just like, ah, yes! And Psyche's unleashed, Bugles vaults over, Bugles slash the Kuala Khan, vaults over this table, and Pop does an ignition on this guy as he walks into this is in the room.

That is a 18. Ignition on this guy 18 against his AC. Yeah. That's it. That's it. I'll go slide fan. Fucking Norse Foundry. Ha ha ha ha. All your number generating needs.

A fickle god. Great dice. You know what you should do, Skiff, is get some new dice. New year, new dice. New year, new dice. New year, new you. New year, new you, new dice.

All right, it is going to be Brother Ramius's turn. Gic? Oh sorry, Gic Muck, yes. She's so short, you just keep scanning the room, missing her. She is going to clear her throat and I'm gonna cast Biting Words at the guy who just walked into the room, the first mustachioed man we encountered. And she looks at him and you just hear her sing out your main your main your main your main Don't mean a damn thing to me and she reaches out her hand. It's like a slap in the face, okay What do I roll or is it really?

Biting words are more like part and words what then she said you don't mean a damn thing to me And in case you had any romantic interest in her. I'm sure you didn't cast copyright violations Do you know about parody law? wink wink at the camera Put a little ping in my sister world a different different die. All right. Yeah, here we go spell attack I love Bart so much. It's so realistic Everything they do doesn't really... It really immerses me more in the reality of the grittiness of the world.

I'm gonna kill this character within three episodes. You need to be clear, I love everything about the character. Oh yeah, I love the character. Except every round and combat. I missed. You missed, okay. So that's two actions. Your song didn't hurt it?

You got Francis! You got Francis! You got Francis! No, my song didn't hurt it. Oh god. Song left him unscathed. My stupid song didn't hurt it. Your song didn't cause physical harm? No, my song didn't cause physical harm.

So that was two actions. And then, oh, you know what I'd like to do is my third actions more. Yep a bon mot. Oh Okay Bon mot a little bon mot a little bon mot. Oh, no. How do you want to do? It's a insightful quip at a foe distracting them So it's a will I'd make a diplomacy check against your targets in DC. Yes Alright, so she says, huh case You didn't hear me. I said You didn't physically harm me

It's worse Consider yourself distracted then by why I'm doing this in the heart, please No, probably not that That's a 17. Fail. Um, cool. Alright. Yeah, I mean you are going against probably the leader of this group, so it's going to be higher saves than those guys

that you made short work of. And I rolled bad on that, so. And Gikmuk just kind of puts her hands together and twiddles her thumbs and looks at everybody else when she gives two thumbs up don't forget you guys have bell caps Joe Europe brother Ramis brother Ramis has sky bus since a little close to remove for his comfort especially when that greatsword comes out so Ramis is going to get on the other side of the

table and back himself kind of into the corner of the room. So he just scrambles back into the corner of the room, back against the back wall, looks across at this like heaving monster with his giant greatsword. And he's going to, he's just going to hear him kind of like whispering almost, he's whispering out loud, but it's really happening in his mind. And he just looks across the man and tries to connect in to him in a way that he hasn't done before. And he just is like, I don't know what happened to you. There is a way out. You don't need to do this. And he's going to cast warriors regret on this guy.

This is a spell I've had for a while. I've just been sitting on. So you need to make a will save. Warriors regret. Don't look it up. All right, no, I won't. But who is it that you're casting it on? On the leader.

On the leader. The guy with the great, he has a great story. I'm on the leader. Axe will save. I'm on the leader. 28. All right, well something, so you begin to feel remorseful

about your- It has a range of touch. Are you serious? I did look at him. Oh, you're right. That is a horrible spell. Yep, well you have to like kiss him. Yeah, exactly.

Don't regret this. I regret this immediately. All yeah, well you have to like kiss him. Yeah, exactly All right, well I keep my 24 from whatever you decide okay Like yes, I didn't know that and that's my mistake. That's okay, and I really agree with range. I might kill polar amias I'd rather be dead than adventure with a bard. You miss and you get mad. You can't do something you get mad at me. It's misdirected aggression. So you kick the dog? You forgot to read a section of the spell. I cast Bargain of Regret.

Hoisted by his own petard, Rul's boy gets hurt by a rule of the spell. Oh. I cast Bargain Regret. Hoisted by his own guitar, Rules Boy gets hurt by a rule that he didn't read. Oh, ooh. She's kicking away. She's singing at you while you're down. Yeah. I'm doing my biting words, but I'm doing it at Joe now. I actually see that it is hurting him.

Maybe these bars are all right. You are doing some hate-dang shit right now. I'm doing physical damage. Physical, sonic, and mental damage. Sorry. Yeah. Definitely mental damage. It is hurting me. He could have a stroke any minute

Yeah, no, I just I'm so mad that I never noticed that it's also like what is this? Fucking spell it's been eating up a slot for so long. I never knew it was touch and that is so dumb All right, I will I hate redoing shit, but he's going to do the same thing back into the corner of the room yeah, fear in his, and he will cast a... He will cast a Divine Lance at the leader. Okay. Okay. That is a 25 to hit.

That's a hit! Nice. There you go. Great. And you... What? Please take your bottle caps out of your dice rolling tray so you don't chip your beautiful... I like to always remember.

And also the risk of a cracked die when it's good. It never happens to me. Okay. Yeah, it happens to those around you who die. Yeah, you ever notice that? Like literally everybody else rolls crack die and I never do? That is not true. I have spectacular rolling technique.

Ten points of death. You always roll like into your little crevice here. He's trying to recover from his hideous mistake. That does happen. That does. Gaslight me? Well, how much damage? 10 points of damage.

10 points of damage, okay. Okay. The Amicus Barnes, there was a gentleman on the other side of the door with a mustache. Yes. With a hatchet. He has a mustache? The picture, he does not have a mustache.

Oh, in my headcannon he did. Maybe he wants to a mustache. Oh in my head cannon. He did all right Me wants to grow. Yeah, no mustache. That's kind of there. It's like a five o'clock stash five o'clock stash Yes, yeah, okay Barnes will go to the mirror and another bars will appear in flanking position with that guy how convenient Yes, that is to me. That's the whole point And I'll take a swing with the kukri. Okay, he's off guard. And that'll be a 23 to hit. There you go. Does your little thing,

does that have the manipulate trait? It does have the manipulate trait. Okay, 23 to hit is a hit. Okay, uh, oh, didn't expect to have to roll damage. Ooh. Okay, that'll be 20 points of damage. Nice! Nice damage! Nice damage! And then third action. Third action! What you gonna do? Barnes is gonna move, the inside Barnes will move. Okay. He's gonna step.

And old barns goes away? Yes. New barns. He will literally step in case this guy has an arrow that he decided not to take before. Just sliding in to lock himself between this guy and Gix. And Gix, okay. He must be saving his reaction for something else. Maybe a rainy day.

We'll find out. At the top of round five, because it is one of the pistachioed men's turn. It's also possible they don't have them. It's possible. They might not. The ruffians do and they don't. We saw that with the raiders, remember?

The lower level raiders had them and the boss raider. Oh, actually, yeah, that's true. Yeah. All right, so he's just literally, as he's standing at the door, it's just gonna start hacking at you with the hatchet Take any kind of do I get any kind of cover for being behind? Oh, yeah

You know what? He's gonna have to move to get into a more advantageous position because of where you step so move hack hack First swing with the hatchet is not great. Not a great roll 15. Yes. This is second roll another miss. Nice. Nice. Nice, yeah, just, hack, hack, miss, miss.

Hitting the walls, kum, kum, kum. Hitting the wood tables, kum, kum, kum. All right, so, hmm, hmm, and then a little bit more, hmm. It is the other guy's turn. He comes into the room. Oh.

That's for 10, 15, 20, he is going to close on Buggles. Kind of come around the table, this part of the room that you can't see, which for him is going to be, that's gonna be two movement actions. And then he takes a swing at his hatchet at Buggles. 20.

That's a hit, that's a hit, Okay. 20 hits, Buggles, minimum damage, six points of slashing damage. He comes in, hits Buggles, six points of slashing. Now it's Greataxe guy's turn. He's been hurt. He will slide up towards Zephyr and swing a Greataxe at you. He can't even make a fist right now with these fingernails. Greataxe. Ah, just chops, chopping wood, chopping broccoli.

Chopping broccoli. That one went out of the thing and then back in, misses with a 17. Oh yeah, that missed. Huge! She dodges out the way. And then there's no one else for the end. No. All right, so he's just gonna swing one more time

with the map natural 20. Fuck! Damn it! That's what happened. That's brutal. Brutal twofold, cause he is a named character. What's his name? What's his name?

We don't know it. I can't tell you. You can check his license after. Give me your wallet. Pretty cool guy. Throw your wallet throw your wallet. Oh my god We want and those of you at home know what kind of damage your great acts does oh indeed World die yeah, D12 sure it's it fatal or is it deadly? Neither which is good. Oh cool high damage. Just just nasty. Yeah, the composite short bow had the deadly

Oh, you shaking your head there, Joe. He's just picking it up. Yeah, I don't know what they mean. All right, this one from Mailman Cody. Mailman Cody. Mailman Cody in Portland, Oregon. Oh, Mailman Cody. I think we met Mailman Cody.

That's why they're out there delivering the mail. Oh. Yeah. It'd be a great moment. On Boxing Day. On Boxing Day. I wonder if Mailman Cody fucking hates Boxing one is called I think that what they're going for you know what we don't even know that a hole I'm not sure where the title comes from if you but

what happens is and this is great your strike hits with such terrifying force that the target is completely taken aback. Double damage and you must make a very important will save. Oh, okay. What about that? Great. Okay. Do you want me to do the save first or the damage first?

I didn't really understand the title. I mean the damage isn't going to affect your save. Give me the save and then I'll give you... Save first? Alright, it was a will? Well I searched frantically for his class. This is good damage isn't gonna affect your score. Give me a save. Give me a save first. All right, it was Will. While I search frantically for his class. This is good, so I'm not gonna use my bottle cap. What was it, a Will?

A natural 15, so that's... Nine, 10, 11, 12. 23. That's a pass. Okay, cool. Okay, so no effect, so you're... Okay. You are not taken aback by this terrifying blow.

You keep your head in the game. I've been hit in the face before. It was different variations of frightened. Oh. That you failed, you become frightened, which is cool. Double damage, bringing out the D12. Ooh, that rolled four. Ever.

Until it landed on not a great number. Still gonna be 18 points of slashing. Okay. Oh man, that sucks, but it's not the worst. Shoo-boom! You know what really sucks? Is when Brother Rabius is standing close to a sound that begins to emanate in the room.

All of you hear it. It's this like other language, this melodious song. It's almost like chant. You want it, you want it. And you see the mustachioed man, the two guys with the hatchets Start to look beefed up by this song And then Ramious you feel from above a blade come at you from an invisible

Spot and we'll see you next week What? They brought an invisible spot? I think they brought a bard. They brought a bard. Oh no. Oh, you brought a bard to a gun bard. Bard versus bard. Be bard. Be bard. Sweet bard. My bard's cool. It's time to make your membership official.

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