The Glass Cannon Podcast - Gatewalkers Episode 66 – Bards! Bards!

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

The heroes try to stave off a restless band of raiders. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/l-cL-87dtJg This episode was sponsored by Foundry VTT and Norse Foundry. See why tabletop gamers everywhere have made the switch to Foundry Virtual Tabletop at https://foundryvtt.com/gcp For all your random number-generating needs, visit Norse Foundry at https://www.norsefoundry.com/discount/newyearnewdice. For a limited time, save with code "newyearnewdice". Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. Watch new episodes when they premiere every Thursday at 8PM ET on youtube.com/theglasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. Gek, from behind you, you see a man. He yelled, find out there's at least five of them. Fiza, wake up! Fiza, get your cronies and wake up! Oh, there's another one outside? And then move again.

Oh my god. Help! Roll for initiative. What? What's the plan? Bonsam, are we going out or staying in? Flurry of blows. Flurry of blows!

Let's fucking go. 25 is a hit. Yes! Like a sub-zero fatality. Yes! Just shoot! Shower's on the floor. Awesome.

Now I'm gonna cast Fear, and you need to make a will save. Oh. That's gonna be a nine. Critical fail. Oh, what? Love Fear. Frighten three and fleeing. Ramius is gonna pop up and try to fire

a Divine Lance at this guy. 18's a hit. It is Barnes's turn. With the Kukri. Flanked, and that is enough to fail. Yeah. Nice. Brother Ramius is standing close

to a sound that begins to emanate in the room. This melodious song. And you see the mustachioed man, the two guys with the hatchets, start to look beefed up by this song. And then Ramius, you feel from

above a blade come at you from an invisible spot. The adventure continues... ...now. I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better

I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better I'm gonna be the one to make you feel better Happy New Year, Class Gannon Nation! It's the first episode of 2025! Yeah!

Is that all purpose? Yeah, I'm having fun. You're just still hungover from New Year's Eve? Still hurting. Still hurting? From a month of drinking. Yeah, is that all purpose? Yeah, I'm just still hung over from my New Year's still yeah still hurting month of drinking First step of 2025 can you believe it we made it we made it and this is live tonight from the studio So it's actually 2025 while we're recording this right We made it and all our characters made it Life. Happy New Year! Hey! Happy New Year! I'm joking!

We made it and all our characters made it. Yeah. How about that? All of them. This is where we should show like an in memoriam and it's just your character. In the arms of the angels. But then on a projector like forever behind us as we record. In the arms of the angels. But then on a projector like forever behind us as we record.

Did Talitha bite it in 2024 or was that 2023? No, it was 2024. Oh my god. So it's two of them. You don't remember? So that would be the whole montage. Just Talitha. End of montage.

And that's it, folks. It's the kind of memorial too where they have only like two pictures of the people. They don't have that many photos. So it's just like the same two pictures repeating over. We were really good friends. Did Lucky die this year? Yes. Wait, oh.

Or was it last year? Or no, it was last year. I think it was last year. No. It was like in the first 15 EPs, right? It had to have been 2024. Maybe not. Had to have been. Had to have been, she says.

Had to have been. Yeah. Why? Why did it have to have been? Just have a feeling. I feel like we recorded it in 2023. But it aired. That's what I'm thinking.

I will never know. It is only three characters, but it is 42.8% of all the characters we've had on the show. Wait, three characters? Oh. That math is technically correct. Right. And that gives you an average of every 20 ups.

Somebody permanently dies in this story. That's fun. Yeah. It's good. Happy New Year. Hey! Do you have any New Year's resolutions, Skidney? You first, Skidney.

I'm going to wear the sweet jacket more often. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. It's pretty sweet. Is that the Kool-Aid man? That's Maxie Minor, the original Denver Nuggets mascot. to wear the sweet jacket more often. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Is that the Kool-Aid man? This Maxi Miner, fucking original Denver Nuggets mascot. The one that didn't steal your hat. Yeah, fuck that guy.

That guy is a fucking asshole, the fucking cougar. This guy is awesome. Love the Nuggets, hate the fucking mascot, and the son of the fucking mascot who's in the mascot costume now, fuck that guy too. I don't hate him as much as his dad, but his dad can go. Wait, his son took over the mantle?

Yeah. And you hate him? Fucking nepotism for one thing. You teach him how to flip? Let someone else be in the costume. You put your son in there, it's not family business. It's weird that it's a family business. It is, like, don't, let people audition.

Don't just throw someone's child in there. God, that makes me angry. Could he even do flips, like flipping dunks? He used to be able to, yeah. OK. Wow. Love a good flipping dunk. Love a good flipping dunk.

Yeah, very impressive. Here's a New Year's res for you. Learn how to do a flip dunk. This year, I'm going to do a flipping dunk. Do you have any New Year's resolutions, Joe? I do. What do you got? I do.

This year, I'm going to do my best to think that bards are good and that I shouldn't constantly, constantly make snide remarks at Sydney about her character. It's hard, man. I'm sorry, correction, her character's class. He's gonna fail at that resolution today. I'm gonna try so hard.

I think he's gonna succeed because I think, I think Gek will be dead in about four episodes. What are you talking about? You're already a little squishy but Troy already seems to want to kill you. I want that clip of you being like, I'm gonna try to do this to play after every time you do not do that and immediately start yelling at me.

I'm gonna try hard because I think that it's kind of funny, but I also think that, you know, the bit's been done. And now it's just rude. Just parroted singing to hurt, to harm enemies. Yeah. It's fun. It's silly. Right, it's fun to a lot of people, and not to me. Not to like adults.

Stupid, stupid thing to have. They hate the adults. They hate the adults. You're saying you just don't like fun. It brings up the question. I think this is a good question. You might as well play a funny character that sings. Maybe she will.

It's equally silly. I think he's saying he doesn't like you on a personal level. Yeah, that's what I'm hearing. That's what I'm hearing. It's getting there. Couldn't be more untrue. What were you gonna say?

I was gonna say, why are bards in the game? Like, where did they come from? They were in the first appearance of the bard in Dungeons and Dragonsards in the game? Where did they come from? They were in the first appearance of the bard in Dungeons and Dragons was in the original player's handbook for Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. They were an auxiliary class. They weren't really part of the core rules or sort of an optional class.

Really difficult to qualify for. And they were very different from what we have now. What were they? They were like hybrid spellcasters. Yeah. But they didn't have a lot of the inspired courage, as I'm remembering. And we never had one, because it was very complicated.

It always seemed like too much more trouble than it was worth. And they were decidedly less fiction-breaking like the bards are now, which I agree with you. I think they're fun, decidedly less sort of kind of fiction breaking like the bards are now. Right. Which I agree with you. I think they're fun, but it is a supply. Just curious why they were, became such a core. Like you wouldn't see a bard in like Game of Thrones. Exactly.

You see lots of bards in Game of Thrones. They just don't. But they don't do what bards do. They don't ride out with the hound to track down like murderers. The hound is just like, we better bring that guy who can sing. Right. Exactly. If we're going into combat. Exactly. to track down like murderers. Now the how does it just like, we better bring that guy who can sing. Right, exactly. If we're going into combat.

And sing like parodies of anachronistic songs. I wanna say, we- What's the GM's responsibility? We, in Pathfinder 2e, there's a long list of what you can do to be a bard. Like so many different things. Like the dancing, the singing, the poetry, the instruments. Like literally mime-ing was in there,

which is I think I said in the beginning because it was funny. Mining? Like maxi-mining? Mime-ing. Go Nuggets. Go Nuggets. Basketball, no.

But. Oh, that would be cool. A basketball. Like bard? For our show. They're playing basketball. I do a three. I get it. I do a three. I get it.

I do it three. I get it. You know what I can tell from that sentence? You get it. Look at her do. That's what they always say in Streetball. Michael Jordan is like, man, that guy can do. She can do.

Do a flip dunk. I do it. But for our show, you know, everybody, when you play like a barbarian, it's like you describe how you like go into a rage and you slice and whatever. For a bard, their shit is that they play an instrument. So unless I'm here like playing a guitar, what can I do?

I can sing. And what can I sing? Something kind of fun. So, but is this your idea is that like, she's actually singing that song that you're singing, or is this just like, it's like the- Like, scrubs. Yeah, well, it's like the Tenacious D thing, where it's just like, this isn't the song,

but like, this is just- What I'm imagining it's like. Couldn't remember. But this is also for the table, because we're friends. If you guys don't want me to sing my funny little songs, I could change up my style. Couldn't remember. But this is also for the table, because we're friends. If you guys don't want me to sing my funny little songs, I could change up my style. I like when she sings, but I agree with her.

I have a beautiful voice. I mean, your scene at the campfire was simply fantastic. I mean, it was pivotal, the whole campaign. But it's like, it's just out of combat. It's great. And they're not funny. The funny little songs aren't funny. Yeah.

I think they're hilarious. I think they're fun. I think they're fun. I'm not saying they're hilarious. Right. We are not here to have fun. Right. That's what I'm here.

I think that's a bugger to optimize tactical combat. We know you're not here to have fun, Joe. That's surely not what we're here to do. I don't think it's clear what we're here to do. I don't think we're succeeding, method. I think 67 episodes in, we're still not sure. Like as far as bards operate mechanically, like I think they're awesome. Like they're a great thing to have. Yeah. Buffs are great, but it is like it's the idea of it is that's

still kind of hard to wrap. And it looked like there's all kinds of different sort of tones you can adopt for whatever your campaign is. Like I know what Joe's saying, like the kind of tone that you'd prefer to have, like playing in his head is a little different than the one that can, you know, incorporate a bard can, you know, I get it. Um, I think the oney, the oney bard, uh, you played a bard in my game that I ran before we ever did the network and I really enjoyed that character because it did feel much more arcane.

and I really enjoyed that character because it did feel much more arcane. It felt like you were generating spells, almost like a Jedi, right? Almost like a sorcerer. Like arcane spells based on your charisma. And those spells were haste and charm. And these very effective spells that made a lot of sense for a bard or a magical character to know. You know, they weren't these like cantripy spells that are just designed to get you involved in combat. You know, like if cutting insult, stuff like that. They didn't have that kind of stuff.

So the bard felt real to me, you know? It just felt like a caster. And so yeah, I get what you're saying about the older bard feeling more, just like a caster. And so yeah, I get what you're saying about the older bard feeling more, just like a caster. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of. Maybe you just don't like the bard class in 2E and that's okay.

I don't know it yet, so I'm gonna learn it through you. That's how I'm gonna stop making judgments. It's just a joke. I like how you start with a resolution and how you start making judgments and then we opened up the table to show it to these guys. We run out of time for other resolutions. I didn't start it.

All right, all right, all right, it starts now. I think- All right, now my resolution starts now. I will say- Is this your resolution? No, I was gonna offer Sydney a little bit of palliative praise. That's all right with you. Okay.

Keep your mouth shut. What does that word mean? I'm trying to ease the pain you've caused. Oh, sorry. Did that do it? No, I was gonna say- Was that palliative? That palatable foot? No, it wasn't. I'm trying to ease the pain you've caused. Oh, sorry. Did that do it? No, I was done it yet. Was that palatable? No, it wasn't.

I also. Did you just call it palatable? Palatable. I don't know what he said. Wait, is it paladin now? What's happening? Palative. Dude, you're going paladin?

Palative. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Palative. Now I don't even know what the word means. No, no, say it, I need it. Wasn't that nice and mad that you said that? That was nice.

You feel better? I think... I'm trying to help you here. I also think the scene at the campfire was beautiful. Thanks. And I think you've been excelling in your musical theater improv class. Thanks.

We also know from Spotify and other places available now that you are a very talented musician. Thank you. So I think, I think, I mean, don't listen to them, but I like the original Sydney stuff. Thanks, Matthew. More than trying to do physical damage to an enemy singing Jolie.

Well, that's just the mechanics of the game that we're playing. No, did you not see what it, what? That is a classic Matthew insult. Yeah, I heard it. He complimented you. And what he was saying was, it was stupid as shit when you said it, Joey.

That's what he said. It was like original Sydney, not current Sydney. He said, oh, I'd like to see more from your musical improv class, where, by the way, you improv original material. So that's what he's saying he wants you to hear. You know what's so interesting? You guys really hate on the Bards, but you all would be excellent Bards,

considering how much mental damage I just took from the opening of this show. I'm proving that it's the worst. Yeah, but are you physically bleeding? God damn it. Sorry, very personal. Starting now. Starting now. Starting now.

I did find, this is the original text from the Old Player's Handbook for bards. It's in one of the appendices. As this character class subsumes the function of two other classes, fighters and thieves and tops them off with magical abilities. And you basically have to start off as a fighter. You have to be a fighter for five levels.

There you go. And then you can kind of graduate into being a bard. So it makes sense that you are trained in combat before you become this charming, dashing, swashbuckling sort of, yeah. That's interesting. There's a bard in The Witcher. Yeah.

Yeah, and everyone hates him. I like him. He's always getting in trouble. Everyone in the world hates him. He's a real rapscallion. There's a bard in, we read The Name of the Wind as a group, a number of us. Main character.

Number one hero and great at sex. But there's not one in Game of Thrones. He's a bard. Oh, yeah, well. I forgot this too. They always have to be neutral. They can't be good or evil, they have to be neutral. Fascinating.

It's the original bard. Well, you know what? I'm also new to 2E bard. Never played a bard in 2E, so I think there will be growing. There will be growing with this character, and also she's level four. So things can change. Her path as a Bard can change. There's all different types of ways it could go. Do 1E Bards sing stupid songs?

And they take their spells from the Druid spell list, because they're based on, like, the Celtic bards. It's a good stuff limit in the past, though. No, but I'm liking it. That is interesting. But this is something you can draw from if you want to. But it was answering my original question. My question wasn't why are you a bard? My question was why did bards become such a core class of all of D&D and Pathfinder?

Because it's theater kids love to play and they want to sing. That's what I think. And there's the problem. But I'm curious if there is the problem. They want to have fun. You just are afraid of theater kids. They want to have fun they want to like. And there's the problem. But I'm curious if it. And there is the problem. You want to have fun. That you are afraid of theater kids. You want to have fun. Being a theater kid yourself.

It just ruins the table. Yeah. Yeah. Because theater kid implies musical theater kid. And they're the worst. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Spoken like a true theater kid. But you're an actress as well. You don't just do musicals. I barely do musicals. I barely do musicals. I'm mostly an actor. Right, see? That's why you were invited back? That's why you're a respected actress.

Ah! Can I ask, so you do five levels as a fighter, and then you go to Bard College, but what does that entail? Right. You have to go to Bard? You have to go to Bard College. In Massachusetts?

Yeah, you attend Bard College. However will you get in? That's true. They only accept everyone. And then you just start taking Bard levels. If you meet the requirements, you do any, so, but after any time between fifth and eighth level if you're a fighter and you meet the other requirements, you start taking Bard levels and yeah, I guess that's it.

And then you just have like, there is actually a Bard college, like they say. You have to choose a college. You get different, you get a bunch of languages. Oh, that's right. You have a charm percentage. It's like you have a percentage chance to charm. I remember that.

That's cool. Then you have legend lore, which is like sort of our knowledge skills, which didn't really exist in AD&T as much as they do in the latest versions of this game. So yeah. Yeah. There it is.

I like it. Sounds very interesting. My resolution is to make more time for Matthew, Sydney, and Kate's resolutions next year. We'll be back right after this break. Folks, we're back. Want to thank our sponsors, Norse Foundry, and Foundry Virtual Tabletop. New Year New Dice.

That code still works, by the way. Does it really? Works till January 12. What year, new dice. That code still works, by the way. Does it really? Works till January 12th. What? Get on it. January 12th, you can use code new year, new dice to get a discount on your Norse Foundry die. That's cool.

Gotta get new dice to start off the year. What are you doing? You're playing with these shitty old dice. Let me tell you what a dangerous place I've been to in my mind recently. Oh boy. I'm considering buying Troy dice. Oh. Wow. What? I'm considering buying Troy dice. Oh wow.

What? I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. What? Why? I'll tell you, there are two reasons. You're already here first. Just cut the makes out of clip. Troy dice, I love Troy dice.

I love Troy dice. Because I love Troy. Dice. What is it they are very good at? I'm gonna buy Troy. Hello Smithers. Quite good at turning me on. I was like, ah, he should probably ignore that.

The first reason is they are very, very pretty dice. Yeah, they are pretty dice. Second reason is he's been rolling quite well against us for 60 something episodes. I mean, absolute rocks. Like, and maybe- Not great last week. That's true.

And in general. And what if your set is different? I mean, there's no real reason to believe that they would be as good. Then you can blame Troy. That's a good idea. Actually, you should buy Troy dice and then suck. Yeah, you know the funny thing is last week

I was rolling Sput the Party dice. Maybe I should go back to the Glass Cannon Podcast campaign to Troy dice. Those are the one I want. These are fucking lethal. Legends. Lethal. Lethal legends.

Are they as, will the ones I buy on the web store, will they be as lethal as the ones you've waited? If he buys them, will you kiss them? So they'll. Do whatever you want with them. I'll take them home, put them on my pillow. Will you rub them up against your genitals? Is that what you're doing, Vance? You want it.

At fifth level. Let's get her post-break. I'm not there yet, but. You have to start taking thief levels. And then up to eighth level, you start taking druid levels. And at that point, you are a bard. You're considered a bard. Oh.

Yeah. I'm sorry. Please carry on. No, I was just going to say, I was trying to teach you a lesson, Sydney, at the end of the episode when my evil bard did something cool. You heard this like other language song. at the end of the episode when my evil bard did something cool. You heard this like other language song and it made sense that the people around them would be magically infected by this cool ass song and get bonuses.

I was trying to show you how a bard could work in this setting. So it is bard versus bard. So it is a bard. So it is a bard. It's bard versus bard. Bard versus bard. Well I guess we'll see who the better bard is. It's an intramural game at bard college. I guess we'll see who the better bard is. It's an intramural game at Bard College.

I guess we'll see who's the last bard standing. Shirts versus skins. Intramural ultimate frisbee game at Bard College. But I fucked up because I did what I thought was cool and then I said, you feel like you get attacked from an invisible spot, which doesn't make any sense. No. What is an invisible spot?

I don't know you said it I said it and I immediately regretted it and then I was like, well, I'm not gonna pick do a pickup of the end We'll just leave it out there, but I felt like a dummy. That's we thought it but out of kindness Invisible spot. I don't even know what I was trying to I did say it to him. Yeah After the episode I said an invisible spot, huh? And he was like, I'm so angry. That could be a hard song. She seems to have an invisible spot. I thought we weren't doing parody.

I'm gonna kick you, I'm gonna hurt all of you. We can do it, the players can do it, not the characters. You can't do it. So maybe, wait, wait, so she just went and she begins to sing. Here's what I'm saying, I just go, and she sings a crazy song. It's fucking awesome.

And I cast blah, blah, blah. You think that's interesting? I just think the whole song thing is dumb. What if she said, what if she said, she starts singing a song and it's hauntingly beautiful and hard to translate from the world of Golarion to our world, but it would sound kind of like this. And she sang a real, and she sang a very real song.

I think you could take a lesson from Matthew. This song that, but no, she, I'm asking, that would be better. That would be better, yeah. But no, you can sing, I'd like you to make up original songs. Okay, I'll make up original songs. That might work too.

What are you gonna say is good? I was gonna say, like you say, the song, the feeling that it evokes would be similar to the feeling I'm about to evoke now with this song that I'm in, at the table going to sing, which is like Jolene or whatever. And it's just like, oh yeah, that song's great. And now I feel like really strong. And it's like, yeah, that's why, this isn't the song that the character's actually singing,

but this is sort of a translated version of it. You know, that's my take. Maybe we all just imagine for your game brains that she's not really singing at the person and you don't hear the song like she's yelling across the room singing. Maybe that's just like in the mind that that's going on. Does that help you? The Scrubs theory.

Yeah, does that make it better for you guys? I'm still gonna sing. Well, like a musical, like when you go see a musical, like you met, the characters probably aren't actually singing that would be weird They would turn to each other like break out into spontaneous choreographed songs. No doesn't know that he thinks There are musicals where they are actually seeing well. Yeah, they don't sing It's all a dream man, they were dead the whole time

Just like Ramious is about to be when he gets here. From an invisible spot. Quick funny story. I went to see a show this weekend. I went to a musical this weekend, Beauty and the Beast. So cute. I've heard of that song. Regional theater. Where did you see it?

At the Regional Theater where I live. And so the community theater where I live. Where I was performed. And it's a small stage. It's a community theater. And you know, theater has a lot of like, you know, you got to kind of like, that's what I'm looking for here. You know, you suspend disbelief, right?

Be bored for three hours? It's amusing. You gotta kind of be like, be horribly bored for three hours. You gotta just sit there until they let you leave. You gotta wish death upon yourself, rather than sit here for another minute. Anyway, anyway, so we get there and it's GACD,

and my kids want desperately to sit in the front row. And I'm like, oh God, you really don't want that. You don't know that you don't want that. You don't want that. I'm like, all right, fine, we'll sit in the front row. So we're sitting in the front row. It was conspicuously open, I imagine. And at one point, the Beast is arguing with Lumiere

and the Clocks, whatever his name is. Cogsworth. Cogsworth. and about her not coming to dinner, right? He's like, I told her to come to dinner, she didn't come to dinner. And she is in her bedroom up away, like, I'm not going. But it's just like on this side of the stage, and they're all having the conversation on this side of the stage.

They're as bad as close as Skid is to Sydney. When they're saying, like, she won't come to dinner blah blah blah, and he's like, well, where is she? And my son in the front row goes, she's right there. Yeah. Oh my god. Because he was sitting, he could have touched her, he was so close to her.

He goes, she's right there. And I'm like, oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that is like classic theater stuff, where you have to, you don't realize yet that that like that's a whole other room in the castle.

You have to imagine some of this stuff. Sounds like the design wasn't supporting that willing suspension. Well exactly. So I blame the theater. Yeah. As well you should. Well you can blame me for Brother Ramius' death. Oh instant death.

Instant death. You are flat footed from this attack Off guard off guard whatever so we'll do the invisible spot that you're off guard little extra dumb Yeah, the invisible spot gives me a plus plus bonus. All right, here we go. Short sword attack. You know what? I'm not worried We have a bard And bottle caps and caps geek watches idly and doesn't do a thing. That's all you should at this point. That was my first attempt at being nice.

In a while. Natural one. Oh! Brother Rabius! Wow. He's blessed. Natural one. You rolled two in a row.

I pulled two fumboonies. No, just one. Double the Fums! That was against your off guard. Geek Muck! Geek Muck! Geek Muck! This is uh... Oh this is amazing! What is it?

It's specifically an invisible spot crit. This one from Todd in Port Colborne, Ontario. Oh ho Canada! Port Colborne, Ontario. Oh ho! Canada. Oh, hi Todd. Port Colborne, Ontario, Canada. What's up, Todd? The not so funny bone. You said this attack came from above, right?

Uh huh. You miss and hit your funny bone. Drop your weapon. Oh! Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Oh, nice time. That's huge. That's huge. That felt so weird. Nothing humorous about that.

That sucks. Well, as this blade comes at you from an invisible spot, Let's double down on it. You see this blade appear and just fall at your feet, but standing on the table above you is a feminine figure. Oh no. Oh my. Dressed head to toe in like Dark Souls armor of thorns.

She looks so cool. Yeah. What the heck? That's a cool bard 20 Sorry now Honest mistake oh my god, she's an elf it looks like it's like yeah, she looks like an elf She's amazing armor poison arrow. Yeah She looks like an elf she has amazing armor. Poison arrow. Yeah

I love that look that's that's a thing like like where they kind of I've seen this before where you're holding the arrow up and like kind of like Inspecting it. Yeah, like it kind of inspecting the I don't know. I've seen this like kind of artwork before is that a Is that like a shooter on her arm? Is that like a what a hand like a shooter on her arm? Is that like a hand crossbow? Oh, like a wrist rocket thing? Uh, let me see. It looks like they're... maybe not. Maybe it's just setting on her arm. Anyway. I don't know, she's cool.

Great artwork. Very cool looking artwork. You know, introduce cool character and they drop their sword immediately. She sang a cool elf song and now nothing. And because I'm on the table I can't use my third action to pick that weapon up so for her third and final action she'll pull a sap off of her belt. Oh. Love a good sap. Love a good sap. A lot of sap. It is Zephyr's turn. All right big bad man number one in front of me. I'm gonna use a focus spell. Okay. Do a little bit of inner upheaval, John.

Inner upheaval. My flurry of blows. The status bonus won't stack with bless, but if I hit, I'll get an extra damage die, which is why I'm doing it. Okay. So flurry of blows. Come on. Let's go.

That's gonna be a 20 for the first one. Yes. And then the second one... No, that's a miss too. Damn it. Do you wanna guess this is a leader, dude? Yeah, because he's right in front of me. Yeah. With all the tables and situations, there's like three different fights going on.

Yeah, and like, I don't want to move closer to my friends and get us into like a pickle but it maybe would be nice to run out the door to get out of this room. It is awfully crowded I was thinking about if we need to open up this fight a little bit. But I don't want to leave anyone in this room because then that would leave like brother Ramious in here, Buggles in here. Yeah how do you know what else is going on outside? Yeah. Well I I still think grouping up isn't a bad idea getting together in the room. Yeah back to back Was really we prevent people from flanking you we need you some flanking on this guy, too If I you just stay was your focus spell an action. It was one action

To do sorry blows that so if I have two actions left Can I do like the two steps again to not incur an attack of opportunity to stand back to back? I mean, you just said you use two actions, right? No, the, um, an inner upheaval is one action. Right, but then you do flurry of blows. That was your second action. No, it's... Oh, inner upheaval's combined! Yeah, it says you focus your ki into devastating magical attacks, make an unarmed strike or flurry of blows.

Oh, cool! That's amazing. flurry of blows. Oh, cool. Nice. That's amazing. Flurry of blows is magic. Yeah, so you could step, step, and then you'd be, we'd be blocking that guy from getting in the house. We'd be blocking anyone from leaving as well,

and then we're preventing people from flanking us. Nice. In this. Me especially. Yeah. So, that's my turn. All right. Skinny Marick, you do.

You zip over towards Barnes and Buggles. Speaking of which, it's Buggles turn. All right. So in the last turn, this guy to my north, he hit Buggles slash the cool look on. And so his attention was turned to the leader. But now it's just like he just it's like he bears these fangs. His eyes flash. And first thing he's going to do, so this is a professor Eric, he gave me a heads up

on it's because I was complaining about like the oscillating wave and having to switch the energy types like which with every round basically. Yeah. He, you gave me a heads up or professor Eric Eric did, that I can use the Psy Burst attack, because it has a Mind Shift trait, I can use that to, I can apply energy type damage to that instead of using the base damage that it has, because it has a Mind Shift trait.

So I'm gonna do that instead. I'm gonna use cold damage on the Psy Burst, or Psy Burst, I can't, god, I'm getting so old. That's something I realized when we were at Disney World, as I'm just like, I never use the right name for anything. And we're going around and it's just like, oh yeah, let's go on the Thunder, Thunder Dock, the Thunder Dock Hill.

This is like, oh, you mean Thunder Mountain? This is like, yeah. You stopped caring at a certain point. I didn't, I told Samantha, I was just like, I don't think I use the proper name of anything in this park once, the entire time we once the entire time I have the perfect solution for you what is it John not a job that's what it's for if you're like let's go to the Thunder John everybody knows what you're talking about

you don't have to disguise it is your encroaching senility or just suggest that you went sen aisle at a younger age Everybody knows what you're talking about and you don't have to explain yourself Give me a reflex save Against give me a reflex save this guy to the the north the guy directly to the north reflex save 20 dirty 20 okay, just say So that's three points of cold damage. Okay.

And then he's going to do an ignition attack against them. Natural 20! Oh, yes! Come on. Woo! Oh my God, that's huge. Magic crit? Magic crit! It's been a long time. Magic crit. Well then. Okay this one from Mark in Myrtle Beach South Carolina. Myrtle Beach Mark.

Better lucky than good. Double damage and your spell rebounds to the enemy nearest to your original target. Amazing. For half damage. Nice. For half duration, minimum one round. Heck yeah. Sweet.

So it'd be half of the base, not half of the base. Half of the base. Okay. Not normal damage. Okay. All right, so the base. Okay, not normal damage. Okay. All right, so the other guy takes 11 points of damage. Okay, the one little girl on top of the table. Okay.

The primary target takes 42 points of fire damage. And he's dead. Yeah! Amazing! Wow! I just love that image of like, Buggles just turning and just Instamurdering a guy Setting him on fire

It's like so cold like a bled to know this was fire Was cold that it was cold. I burst was cold. You're ignition Oh, she takes an additional one point of splash damage to the elf. Ah, okay The cool look on food recedes already Buggles is stupefied. Yeah, Cool. Huge round. And then the Kuala Khan, boom, recedes and is gone already. Muggles is stupefied, yeah. You've taken out a direct enemy that was right next to you though, that's huge.

It's huge. Okay, Gic Muck. All right, Gic, I will say, had another funny little thing prepared, but you know what? Do it. No, I'm not doing it. Please. No, I'm not doing another line.

But I like it. You're self-conscious now. She should feel free to sing. He's not allowed to say anything bad about you. You should be being ridiculous right now. I mean, yes, it makes the show worse, but please. No, no. Don't listen to them.

I won't continue. The resolution is still binding. I think you should do it. No, I won't continue with my parody stuff. If we're not going in that direction, I can do it. No, I won't continue with my parody stuff. If you don't, if we're not going in that direction, I can do the musical stuff, but I still have Biting Words, which I- Biting Words.

Cast the last time. Basically, I can repeat the attack once on each of my subsequent turns by taking a single action. So as a single action on this turn, I'm continuing the Biting Words. She doesn't sing, but instead he hears, and this is to the original guy, the boss guy with the mustache. That's who I first attacked. He hears very loudly, like in his inner eardrum, just like, you're a swine, you deserve nothing. You were abandoned, everyone hates you,

and it's just like reverberating in the cavern of his head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he hears that. That's a great way to think for me, like it's the Benny Jess special effects. Oh yeah, yeah. Using some special effects that make it sound to him

like, oh, like it's horrible. Yeah,, like gig is standing there not her mouth is not moving You know like something creepy like that so no one's hearing it. He hears it and he do to do I make an attack role Let's see okay. See if I can do it this time come on geek look You know what no You know what, no, I'm just kidding. Did you see Troy's face light up? He saw blood in the water when he raised that bow cap. It was a natural one. It was a natural one.

Uh, Merry Christmas. There you go. I'm sorry, I threw it. Good throw. I'm gonna switch dimes. I truly saw the killer inside of Troy come to life She's a ball cap. I got a quarter. He's coming for you. Oh my character to be cool. All right Bar Joe and I were like what?

Okay, that's gonna be a 21 21 is a hit all right, so you are gonna take It's gonna be a 21. 21 is a hit. All right, so you are gonna take, ooh. Ooh. Ha ha. Ooh. Nine, do I add anything? No, nine points of Sonic damage.

Nine points of Sonic damage. Kick muck, kick muck, kick muck, kick muck, kick muck. Kick muck, kick muck. So nine points of Sonic as he hears that and then she turns, she snaps her head to this woman who just appeared out of nowhere on this table and she's gonna say, there's only room for one bard in this room.

And she's gonna push her hand toward her and gonna cast Void Warp. That's right, you're taking Void damage. Ah, you need Fortitude save. All right. Okay. Void Warp. Void Warp.

Void Warp. All right, Fortitude save here is a 23. Yeah. You pass. It's a basic, so if you pass, you pass. Half damage. Half damage. Oh, it is still half. So then you're gonna take ready for this what?

Fly dice It's only a d4 you're gonna take four points avoid damage. Okay, how many of the force did you roll? Three oh, it's heightened. Yeah nice So three total three total. Yeah, so she just kind of, and you feel a little less good. I feel a little less good. Wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood,

wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, I don't want to go. I'd rather not. He makes fun of your hair. All right, I'm just going to go on in. Why do you keep picking on me? Are you serious?

You're not the entire episode going on in a new character. I literally started to do it. And the first thing you do is say, I don't want to go. First thing I said was I'm trying. Why don't you do something helpful? Oh, ooh. Man, you just got dick mugged. I'm feeding the anger that's coming back at you.

I know, I started the episode saying I wanna be nice to your bar. And failed for 30 straight minutes. It's hard, it's hard. He said the meanest thing anyone said. What would that mean? He just dresses it up for you and then you're like, oh Matthew,

thank you for the compliment. And it was a total dig it was alright I'm gonna just go with my instincts here and usually works he hits the toys bad decision he is going to he's just gonna do it anything with that He's gonna bend down and grab the knife Short sword short sword. Oh happy for you. You're weak Chewing on ice You eating on this audio medium. Do you just have surgery? I got bored. You're just like oh you can't even lift the hill He picks up the short sword

I just didn't know if it would provoke so he picks up the short sword and he heaves it across the room Like a raised weapon Across the floor she's keep it Hmm. How'd you keep it? What's she gonna do with? Because she can rip it out of the fan and stab him to death. So two actions, you're gonna pick it up and throw it across the floor. And throw it into the back corner of the room so she can't have it. You have one action left. It reminds me of the time when we were speaking with the dead.

What did you ask? It was like, instead of asking what happened, you asked an oddly specific question. I can't remember what you're talking about. It was in the Narggin can do right like that oh well back in the day it derailed the entire deal the whole thing it seems like after the next time it is what happened here I think it's a great idea. You pick up the sword, you heaver-crawl through, it gets buried in bugles. It should only do non-lethal damage.

And then... Ah, man. Damn it, I just don't have this thing right. And then he will cast... Guidance on Barnes. Guidance on Barnes. Guidance on Barnes. That won't stack. With Bless.

Guidance doesn't stack with Bless. Well, you could use it for... For saving for us. For something specific. Yeah, he's probably not gonna have a saving. Knowledge check, right? What's the duration? Until the start of your next turn, so I could...

Oh, man. Yeah, I could do... You could do another Knowledge check So I could, I'm a, I. Oh man. Yeah, I could do, You could do another knowledge check. I could do an exploit vulnerability on her. I just didn't have shield prepared. I thought I did and I just made a mistake. Yeah. That's the only one action thing that I can do. I'll do, just give it to me.

I'll do an exploit vulnerability on her. Cause the current one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Guidance on Barnes. Cause the current one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The guidance on Barnes. Barnes, you're up. Okay. Well, first things first, I'll glint the mirror and appear in flanking

with the dude that's still outside. Ah, I didn't see him right there. I forgot about him. And then I will strike at him with the Kukri. Okay. Mustache two, I call him. Mustache two for 25 to hit, he's off guard. Oh yeah. Nice. That'll hit. Nice.

Nice, Barnes. Crack die. He's hurt. It's cracked on a six and it went down to a one. Should've just lied. Fine. 15 points of damage. 15 points of damage and he's dead.

Nice. Nice. Nice. There you go, Barnes. You don't need to lie. Okay, well then that will leave me... Barnes and Barnes. That will have Barnes and Barnes. New personal injury law firm.

Barnes has Barnes! And then I will exploit vulnerability on the Bard Lady. On the Bard Lady, okay. So I will roll Esoteric Lore. It's gonna be a 22. That's a regular success. Okay, great. Uh, so...

I will learn... the highest weakness. Uh... if it has one, if she has one. Though an elf, she does not have any... Alright, so I'll be explaining her personal antithesis, but then that also works as a recall knowledge on her Okay

What's her bill? What's your deal? She's a she's a spell casting bard Her actual class is charlatan. Oh, it's kind of fun Yeah, I'm too back This is Charlotten. Oh. It's kind of fun. Charlotten. Uh, yeah. A mountain back. She can do sneak attack damage. That's it really. There's really nothing super exciting about her. I would, yeah. All right.

Cool. That might be helpful. I share the information with the group and that's my turn. And now we're going to round six. Six! Been kind of multiple fights chunked into one here. This dude, Mr. Mustachio, wielding a greataxe,

steps onto the body of one of his fallen comrades and swings the greataxe yet again at Zephyr Do. Zephy Do! Zephy don't. 19. Miss. Misses. Wow. The 19, second swing.

Misses with a 14. Yes. Miss, miss. That is his turn. Hell yeah. Then it goes to the woman holding the sap over Brother Ami. As she continues her haunting elven song, emboldening this

mustachioed man now that all the other people are dead and she is going to hmm one two three four enemies are dead she is going to strike Buggles with the sap, attempt to strike Buggles with the sap. Hey. Oh, I'm stupefied. It's gonna be a 19 to hit Buggles. That is a hit. Okay. Is she flanking? Yes.

Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, no. Yes. So that'll do sneak attack damage. Oh, gosh. So it's nine bludgeoning with another two precision. So 11 if you don't have any precision. Not lethal.

It's not if it's bludgeoning. You just choose to use it non-lethal. Let's see the non-lethal trade. Attacks with this weapon are non-lethal. Yeah, what's that? Yeah, so that is, that's 11 points of non-lethal damage. You can track that. Okay. Yeah.

Any way you want. Okay. So after hitting you with that, kind of like dulling you with that, she is going to leap to the other table and then make her way towards the door. And it is- Barnes, get ready. It is Zephyr's turn.

Luckily, I can see from both Barnes's. She's trying to run away. Or creating space. Or creating space. I don't know. Do I do something cool? Well, the thing is, if I, I was like, maybe I'll try to go Well, the thing is, if I, if I, I was like,

maybe I'll try to go up to her and like, use my new Titan wrestler. Like I wouldn't be using that feet on her because she's not two sizes larger than me, but that's like that idea that I took that feet. So she wants to like grapple more, but then I'd have to move past man one and the attacks of opportunities and all of that.

I'll stop her. Okay. All right. If that's the case, I'm gonna use my last focus point to harmonize self. So I get back eight hit points. Okay. So let me just put that back here,

my character's straight. And then Flurry of Blows right in front of me. Let's see what you got. Man one. Big fight, big fight, big fist. No, that one misses. It's like a 14. Oh, this one is 25.

25's a hit. Action Kate. Fortitude save, please. Only one of them needs a hit, right? Because I hit, yep. Okay, fortitude save. Destroyed. 31.

That's fine, that's fine, that's fine. All right, 1d6. That's six points of damage. Oh, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Alright. 1d6. That's six points of damage. Okay. Okay. And then I've got one more... action. Who's going next? Buggles? Buggles.

That second barn is still hanging outside? Yeah. Or maybe... I'm just... I'd like to aid. So maybe I'll make some more sense to aid Barnes if you're gonna like go after the lady as I see you doing whatever you're about to do. Yeah. I try to help. I don't know the rules. Not here to weigh in on anyone's turn. I'm just here to sit in complete silence and have no thoughts about anything that's happening around me.

Circumstance. I told you the resurrection will bind him for a while longer. You can act now! I can feel it. You can act now! Sing a pop song now! While there's still time! Alright. I like to aid Barnes on his turn when he runs up to the lady. He needs a shackles weakening.

Alright, so you're going to attempt to aid Barnes on his turn when he runs up the lady. Shackles weakening. All right, so you're going to attempt to aid Barnes and that's only one action? To set up aid? Yeah, it's one action. Okay. And it uses your reaction. Right. Okay. Just making sure.

So it is kind of like two action. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great. Is it a delay or is it a ready?

It's an action to set up a reaction. No, it's neither. It's not a ready. It is eight. It's its own thing. Yeah, I'm overthinking it because if it was ready it would be two actions. Right. You spend the action to set up a reaction.

You spend the action to set up a reaction. spend the action to set up reaction, right? Okay, okay, it's Buggles turn all right Buggles is first Going to raise his shield so I have to do a flat check for this too, right? If I'm just fine. Yeah, yeah because that's casting shield. Yeah Made it Is that provoke not that would here but with with that this casting she'll have to manipulate Tree oh that I don't that's a good question. It doesn't matter here. I'm just curious yeah

Can'trip cuz concentrated force yeah, no he's not the man one is on the dead person Yeah, it does not have manipulate though. It's cantrip concentrate force. No it doesn't have somatic somatic component oh is it only vote it must because you have to act physically like raise I did it I did it yes Google shield and without pathfinder I just saw where to buy a bunch of shields online. Tell us of your knowledge, Joe. Shield spells, it has no listed components. Yeah, that's what I'm seeing here. Yeah, so it does not seem to have a somatic component. I guess it's like just the equivalent of raising a physical shield. That's why I was like, it would be a severe disadvantage

if it did provoke, but I was just trying to understand. Yeah, that wouldn't make a lot of sense if it did. You raise your shield, it provokes, they hit the shield. Right, yeah. the shield, right? Yeah. Alright, so then with my other two actions, he's going to attempt, like he's sort of reeling, he's shaking from this, like, the process of the Kula Khan leaving, he's just like,

he's out of sorts, he's trembling, he's going to attempt to do a frostbite spell. Please give me a fortitude save. Okay, this is mustachioed guy. Okay. Fortitude save from mustachio is cracked 18. That's a fail. Oh yeah. Okay, so that's 13 points of frost damage.

Nice. Yikes. Heck yeah. Oh wait, fuck, flat check. Made it. Alright, so a little frost bite. Back to Gekmak. Alright, for the last time I can do this for Biting Words, my third action,

I mean my third turn, I do a one action repetition. So, but he hears in his head this time, also loud, it's just like making his eyes roll back in his head You hear even she's leaving you they've given up and you should too And that's fighting words. That's gonna be an attack roll. Okay. Oh That's 26 that's a hit and what's fighting words d6 That's a hit. And what's fighting words?

D6? Wait. Yeah. Seven points of sonic damage. Ooh. And then with my next two actions, she points a finger at the woman in the far corner, and she goes, koochie koochie koo,

and she starts like waving her little finger in the air. Suddenly the woman feels this like tickle in her armor as if there's like a bug crawling on her inner armor, and you need to make a will save. Ooh, what is the spell? Laughing fit. Laughing fit. Laughing fit. Like hideous laughter.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the new name for it. Okay. All right, will save. 31. Damn it. Critical success, unaeflected. Hoop, hoop,

stop smiling, stop smiling. That's it for her. You're doing that smile, that's not a smile, but we know you want a smile and it's worse. Much worse. I'm stifling a laughing fit. If she failed, if she failed she would have been slowed

and if she critically failed she would have been prone, and if she critically failed, she would have been prone. That would have been perfect. But all right, that's the turn. And since she critically succeeded, we'll be back right after this quick break. We're back! It's Brother Ramius' turn. You better watch watch it fella.

All right. Brother Ramias is going to take two. That was in rare form today. Something's going on. All right, feeling the flow. Ramias is gonna, he's gonna fire past bugles at the axe wielding guy in front of Zephyr. Say you get away from her.

And he's going to cast a divine lance Divine lance on the guy and misses Goes right over his head and out the window scattering the glass And then for his last action He's going to he's actually gonna wait. There's a table there. All right, for his last action, he will, did you say aid stacked? Cause it's a circumstance bonus.

Did you, did you confirm this? Yes. Okay, then he will attempt to aid Zephyr in a melee attack. Nice. Nice. Against this guy. Okay. With a perception check. Bonds!

Okay, the Barnes in the house disappears. Oh! Inside Barnes. Inside Barnes disappears. Outside Barnes is going to double move, and he can get all the way around, can make it so I can see through this door, and block her way out. Oh, beautiful. All these doors are open, it was exactly ten spaces.

Oh, phenomenal. You're so smart. And then I will swing with a strike. And I'll aid you like from the other end so like perception or should I do an attack roll? Whatever is higher. I'll do perception. You dirty power gamer. I mean my attack roll is higher but. Your attack roll. Um 15 is there no does less apply to that no I don't think so 15 is the DC oh okay sweet so you get plus one amazing okay and I'll swing

once with the kukri 18 to hit no all I'll sap you to death. Or at least... I'll non-lethal you to death! Uh... is that your turn? Yep, double move, strike. Round seven. Wow. Hot! It's the man's turn.

Oh! Um, man, this is tricky. If I can kill Zephyr, I can get out the door that's to the front here. So that's what I'm gonna have to try and do. I gotta axe my way out. Here comes the axe. Here it comes. That is going to be a 32 to hit. Oh no, that's just a crit. My AC is 22. Aimed.

Oh, not in that 20 though. Alright, so it's gonna be double damage on a D12. Plus some extras. Wait, with Bless? Bless only is your turn. Correct. Okay, that is gonna be 24 points of slashing damage. Okay. Okay.

That's not bad at all. Slash! Could've been worse. Yeah, way worse. You're fine. I gotta swing again. He's literally trying to swing his way out. You're far! I mean, he can't do that again. I'm trying to hack my way out.

No, there's no way. It's a miss. No, like, he's not allowed to. Okay. Pretty good. That is a miss with an 18. Oh, yeah She has one more action But I don't want to be here Guys I'm getting to him. He's listening. He wants all these button words

Yeah, I really don't want to be here He's so mentally broken Did it? Yeah, I think he's going to desperately swing one more time and could probably only hit on a nat 20 Don't roll a net 20 do It's happened before not even funny. Natural one. Oh! Whoa! The opposite! Take the third shot, dude!

Opposite! Kick, look, kick, look, kick, look! The opposite, dude! Natural one! Just imagine the scene. This guy with his huge mustache and his salt and pepper temples is just hacking the great ass of Zephyr. Well, he's frenzied with the voice in his head, maybe, too.

Yeah. And Zephyr's like, get me out! Wood like great. I'm like the voice in his head. Maybe you like yeah, it's ever like Like what is splintering all over the scene? Yeah. Yeah, it's not just going like mad a little bit like berserk Yeah, the voices of my head. All right this one from Wesley in Vancouver, British Columbia Wesley back to Canada favorite city. What's yeah. Yeah, I fucking love Vancouver. It was all we go back It was it was skippers looking real estate there. there. I was I was looking up like ways to live there. Yeah, it was enchanted and thralled by Vancouver. Love that. It is an enchanting place. This one is called death by contaminants. During your attack, you think, Oh, as you feel something from earlier, up with you roll a d4 Troy

Okay three three Is the only one I did it read the new tankard you read one two and four Be three yeah, what are the odds of B3? It's all that it's single space, and there's a lot of info, so I, all right. That new tankard you've been drinking out of

really brings a sweet taste to your meat, however, you're inflicted with lead poisoning. You are stupefied one for 1D4 rounds. Oh. Oh, that takes a lot of work. That's lower his will save. Stupefied one for three rounds. Stupefied one for three rounds. Stupefied one for three rounds.

All right, thank you, Wesley. That was a fun one. It was pleasant. There were a lot of other options there too. He's feeling real stupid. It is the female elf's turn. She turns back, she just sees him. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she sees him, I'm starting to talk to himself, hacking, he's hacking away,

and she looks at Barnes, looks at all of you, looks at all of the men, and she raises her hands. Yes! We need not shed any more blood here. Do you fight with honor? We are honorable. Drop your weapons, both of you.

Tell your mad companion to put down his axe. Turner, drop your axe. Hands on the hole of my axe, ever! And Gic kind of waves her hand, she stops talking in his head. He drops the axe, and they're just standing there with their hands up. Do you hack them to death, or do you? Now's our chance.

Do you stand down? Dick scoots over and picks up their weapons and holds them. Well, please have a seat. Well, yeah, there are no chairs on this map. It's very strange. It's not a table. Why are there no chairs? He broke all of them.

We're gonna sit on a table? Just sit on the floor. I can't even, all right. So yeah, we kind of- Crisscross applesauce. We tie them up, we bind their hands and legs and have them sit on the floor in the back of the room. All right, so you bind their hands and legs while Deniki is still, like, lost in this

horrible, drug-induced dream. What happened? What happened? How do you know who she is? He thought she was a raider. Like us. We didn't want to take any chances. So I poisoned her.

Turner suggested against it. But I felt like it was the right thing to do and I stand by it. She's fine. She just needs a little medicine. If you feel like braiding the apothecary shop in the middle of town, you're welcome to find a cure in there. I'm setting foot in there. She's fine, she just needs a little medicine. If you feel like braving the apothecary shop in the middle of town, you're welcome to find a cure in there.

I'm not setting foot in there. I'm not setting foot in there. What's wrong with the apothecary? Something weird, something strange. This whole town is off. It's infected, what's ever in there. Who are you? Where are you?

Why are you here? We've come to take from this place. It's a hotbed for raiders such as we. Turner is probably the most successful raider that has come here to Skywatch. I was smart to band with him. Now he is near death. I apologize. I thought you were here to take our things. You have anything nice on you? No. Empty your pockets then. I was kidding, but all right.

You would rob us? No, of course not. Of course not. See, she's still got the raider instincts. Sorry. Sure, I don't think there's anything wrong with emptying your pockets. I'm just saying we're not gonna steal it.

No, we're not. Pay your pittance. We're not like you. What have you discovered in your time here? What can you tell us? We've picked it clean as much as we can. We keep trying to find a way out or to a different area, but it's impossible to

navigate these streets by night. So we try during the day and it seems even more difficult there. We just want to get out. We've had our fill. How many of you are there? There were six, but now it's just Turner and I. My name is Hooch. Hooch? Turner and Hooch. Your name is the, that's not world breaking at all. Ruined my immersion.

If her name is Hooch, she can sing. I mean. Gek just rolls her eyes. Oh my god. My name is Hooch. Sheridan. The thing was the player said it, not the character. Oh wait. No wait.

No, the character literally just said it. The character just said your name is Hooch. Can I do a perceptive check to see if I believe her? That her name is Hooch. Well I definitely don't believe that. She's definitely lying. This is their story. They're just raiders. Yes. 23. Yeah, yeah, you believe her. You don't know if she's being 100% honest. Like maybe there's a little line there. Maybe they're not actually done here.

But you do believe that they haven't figured out how to navigate the place. Have you come across any hobgoblins? Yes, yes we have, but we've steered clear. We are trying to avoid bloodshed. I will admit, when Turner saw you, he probably saw an opportunity to take. That is not our way.

I do apologize. Raiders who don't take, that's interesting. We don't want to take from the living, we'll take from the dead. You run into the smiling wolves? Who? Nevermind. Well, we have found a way to navigate here.

We'd be happy to escort you out of the city. Really? At what cost? Your assistance. Thousand gold. Striking runes. TRAVIS and SAM and MATT laugh. Marz is like, he's surprised,

he's looking back and forth like, wait, what? What? We have no runes. Marz is going to ask for their help in guiding us to the cop goblins. No. But all right, yes.

We have no runes, we have no gold, though we have things that we could sell eventually. 25%. As for assistance, in what? We work alone. These hobgoblins, you steered clear. You never saw where they're encamped. You never saw their leader. They seem to be on the other side of town, but every time we think we know which way we're going, we get lost again. So we've attempted to move slowly to find a way out, but we end up always back in the same place.

I'm going to ask you another question. It seemed rather strange. And he turns around and he pulls his hood down enough to see the mark on the back of his neck. He says, this mark, have you ever seen it before? We will lead you out of the city. Is that a brand? It is. Is that a brand? It is. Though we do not know how we received it. It may have been tied into this, whatever's happening in Skywatch.

You all share this, Mark. Are you cult? No, like I said, it was not by choice. It is too long to explain and I'm sure you'd find it uninteresting. Where will you return if we get you out of the city? Where are you from? Far from here, in the River Kingdoms. What is the name of your village?

Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi? What's the... And by what system? Listen, Abudabi. And what system of government is Abudabi managed by? It's a monarch. What is the name of your monarch? King Abu.

Abu? Yes. King Abu of Abudabi. No, we know that guy. It's King Abu. No, I don't know where I'm from. Why do you need to know? It's unimportant.

Definitely a lie. Killer. We have no arm. Definitely a lie. We have no arm. We live on the streets. Understood. Well, how long is it until...

What medicine do we need to pull her out of this? Poisoned her with Dreamtime Tea. I'm sure there'll be something in this shop. Why would you not enter the shop? Antidote? Do you have an antidote? We do not. That would work. I'm sure this place has it. We walked in there and it's haunted

Haunted? Yes. What did you see? What did you hear? Noises? The shelves rattled as if they were surging towards us We tried again a day later, and then I said let's just skip it. It's not worth it. Hmm, haunt? Hmm? Or a monster? By the way, there are certainly antidotes in the potion shop. She does not receive medicine. How long until she comes out of this? It could be some time.

It was a heavy dose. I meant to incapacitate her for some time. Again, I was just trying to protect... ...my crew. She seems to be suffering quite a bit, Ramius. If we can help her, we should. I'm also curious about what's going on in the apothecary. Alright. You may wait here if you wish. Or you may go. When we return from the apothecary, we will guide you out.

All right. I'll speak with Turner. He's right there. When you leave, I'll speak to him. Anything you say to Turner, you can say in front of us. Speak to him in private. You're sitting right next to him. We tied you up and put you next to each other. Are you going to leave us here tighter? Yes.

I thought you were going to let us go. We're going to guide you out. But first we need to talk about another thing. You told me we could go or we could wait. I did make it sound like you were supposed to roll out of here. I guess you could try. We could try. We'll wait.

We're going to go to the apothecary. All right. We heal first though. Yes, please. Yeah, Gic is very bad off. Zephyr's bleeding. A lot, Gic is very bad off. Zephyr's bleeding a lot Gic is very bad off. Yeah, how many hit points of damage did you take? Almost half. Well, not very bad off. She's almost half. Okay. I didn't think so. I'm gonna make sure I was

tracking that right Brother Rhymeus is a Very effective doctor. Oh great. He's not the most- He'll catch you up. Not the most elegant of surgeons, I should warn you. Just sit down. I don't think I need surgery.

Don't tell him that. It's best if you don't look. It's just a couple scrapes. What's that over there? I don't know. Ow! Stab me, it's not even where the wound was! Beliefs in the humors is very complicated. Alright, 16 points of healing.

That's helpful. And then he'll keep at it and fail, but not harm you. My god. How long are we in here for? I only need like five, four. I need 34 points. 20 points for you. Perfect, I'm good. That took a half hour, and then he turns over too.

Zephyr's like- Meanwhile, this poor woman in the corner is like dying. He's like, She'll be fine. Zephyr's like tentatively handing you her shoulder because of the last couple times. She's just having a bad dream and he lights the cigarette. Barnes is down at the table. Barnes is laid down on the table, Zephyr. Barnes is getting a lift, the cigarette just puts it to brother Ray and misses his lips.

Thank you. Okay. Zephyr. you'll be fine. Just be careful. You'll be all right. Ow. And that is 18, and then you need another 12-ish, right? Yeah, I was 34 down.

Oh, great. That is another 16. 16, perfect. Right, that took 20 minutes. Like I love. Now we're kind of at an hour. Ew. Barnes, did you take any?

12. 12 down, huh? Okay. That is a critical success. Nice. Nice. Oh man, 22. Nice. I'm feeling much better, thank you.

Thank you, brother Remy. Buggles, did you take a hit? Yes. As he looks down at all the surgical scars. Yeah, all the previous attempts marked on my flesh. I promise to be careful. It'll be fine. Just stay still.

Critical success. Oh, nice. Great. 12. 12 points. Okay. I'm basically good, except for some lingering non-lethal. It's all the same.

It's all the same. Yeah. So you just can't go to dying. I'm just going to keep working on you. I had bruise on the head here. And another critical success. Oh, amazing. Wow.

Yeah, I kept critting when I lowered the DC to not get the 10 point. But oh well, 22. Oh, great. Yeah, I kept critting when I lowered the DC to not get the 10 point, oh well, 22. Oh, great. Yeah, I'm good now. Feels much better, thank you. I think you're improving as a surgeon, Ramius. Thank you, Buckles. Lots of practice.

Too much practice. All right. Yes. Which way is the? He's also going to tend to the wounds of the other two, just enough to, obviously they're not dying or anything like that, but he's going to make some effort to make sure that their current wounds are... Dressed.

Dressed, exactly. He just wants to make that extra effort, can't help himself. Which building is the apothecary? It's in the center of town, the potion shop. Can we see it from where we are? Yeah, it would have been like, when you guys came in, you turned to the left to go to this building. It's the building right in the middle, the kind of center of the market. So we're not in danger, we feel, of getting lost between here and there.

No, it's right there. You can see the building outside, yeah. Alright, we'll start slowly moving toward it. Yep. Is it this one on the map that we're on right now? Yeah, it's on the map. It's, I'll ping the building. Oh, nice. It's right there. Yeah, the door is on the far side.

Are there any windows? There is a window that Zephyr is standing at right now. Oh, should we look? Yeah. Took a peek inside. It's dark in there. You see shelves with bottles.

It's actually a pretty small little building, but. It's only like 15 by 15. May I attempt a quick recall knowledge here, like a religion check before we go in, as they described the symptoms of this haunt. Yeah. The shaking shelves, anything to do with alchemy or potions. Have I ever heard of a haunt like this before?

Do you want to roll it? Do you want me to roll it? Recall knowledge religion. Knowledge religion, you said. Yeah. Yeah, you haven't heard of anything like that, although you have heard of situations where like someone who owned a store passing away and their spirit lingering in the store because of all the time they spent there over the years.

So that's not completely unheard of. But since you've walked about Skywatchwatch you haven't really been affected by ghosts so much as strange magics it doesn't seem to be divine undead it's more warped like extra planar yeah extra planar we haven't really seen any undead right or any people at all that aren't raiders that didn't come from the outside even Even the Alanx you fought was Fae. It slipped into this world through whatever's happened here. Cracks. Yes.

They have seeds of reality. Okay, so we'll round the building. Okay, round. It looks like the door is open. Is it? When you round the building, you notice that there is a campfire with several bedrolls over there. Gek can see it before the rest of you come around. And strewn about are what looks like. You see armor that is similar to kind of the garb of Sakawachi and Enuma.

And then you see this other stuff, you're like, oh, this must be Deniki's gear. They stripped her of her gear after they drugged her. And by the way, did you leave her dreamlike body in there with the two of them? Yeah. Okay. But they're tied up.

Oh, actually, what I, retcon this a little bit. Before we leave, Buggles takes the little onyx figurine of the dog and places it on the ground and scrambles away from it. And he summons it, he activates it, it's just like chummy! And it bursts into life as a dog. And he's just sort of like huddling by the door and he's just like watch them protect her and then he leaves he just hustles out of there oh wow that's cool I haven't seen the dog in so long so brave so brave really all right over here near the campground you see a spear a bow a quiver of. None of them are magical

skinning knife in a sheath And Like these skills seal skin furs like they just this must have been all of her stuff Okay All right, so we'll line up at the we'll kind of gather on the door here to the potion shop Mm-hmm. Well, that's a window. Ah, that's cool, I could see into the building.

Oh. Oh. I was like, that's a really weird looking door. Yep, all right. And I will, I will detect magic. Kind of take a peek in there. You are going to detect magic. Or we open the door. One moment, Bons, just seeing if there is any lingering

magical aura's within. Does he detect any sources of magic within? You do. Several. Hmm. What's the potion shop? Yep, that makes sense. Alright, everyone. Steal yourselves, steal your minds.

You know not what we find in here, and he'll open the door Barnes opens the door Reception check 22 22 you just kind of scan this small 15 by 15 foot room 22, you just kind of scan this small 15 by 15 foot room, tall shelves on every corner of the room. One big table, a small little alcove in the back with a table, like maybe that's where the potions were made before being placed on the shelves for customers.

It's dark and silent. Might we have a bit of light, Brother Amius? Yes, watch your head. Just past you go, poof, will shoot a ball of light into the center of the room and waaaaaah. It lights up the whole area. This pulsating ghostly light sits in the center of the room and anyone standing outside can see that light sort of spilling out the windows onto the market square but all you see is an illuminated version of what I just described. All right, Barnes, we'll step in.

What's the vibe like in there? The spooky? What's the vibe like? It's pretty spooky. Spooky. You know what you're looking for, Barnes? What's the vibe like? It's pretty spooky. Spooky. You know what you're looking for, Barnes? Do you know what an antidote looks like? Yes, I think so.

I feel like as you're in there, like, Zephyr's in the doorway watching, like, just look me around, like, I got your back, but I'm not going in there. Like, oh, if I see something flying at your head. It's good luck bonds. Type of thing. We reach in and just close. Slowly. Let us know when you've got it.

Three knocks. Three knocks. Three knocks. We got your back. One's like, whoa, wait, wait, whoa, wait. All right, can I do a perception check to see if I can see anything that looks like potions or antidotes or?

That little mode of light lighting up the space around you. Worse, 15. Yeah, I mean, you know, Ramius could probably find an antidote here in seconds, but they all, it all looks the same to you. All these bottles, the labels, like you'd have to spend some time in here to really start looking through all these. Some of them are marked by symbols and not even words But over in the far corner of the room as you're starting to look at the potions there you see the cabinet start to shake a

little bit and then the cabinet like lurches up comes to life and We'll see you next week. Oh! Oh! What? The cabinet comes to life? What you've experienced with this was Beauty and the Beast. You're just saying it's a crime! Be on this!

Be on this! I don't want to be sitting this close! I'm so close. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

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