The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 103 - Groghall Putsch

Episode Date: May 16, 2017

It's an old fashioned barroom brawl as the heroes take on a raging party of giants! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So you can lunch legendary, dinnerly breakfast brilliantly we're talking friggin fresh slicing and i'm yelling yes way get a six inch black forest ham for only 4.99 only at subway price and participation may vary extras taxes and delivery additional expires april 8th this week on the glass cannon podcast it's a real power and brawl the heroes crash a dinner party no no you might be thinking you April 8th. for you, so what's it going to be? And when negotiations break down... Standing behind it is a 15-foot-tall frost giant. Okay. Boom! Their only hope for survival... Crit, crit, crit, crit, crit. Come on, ums.

Crit. What you got, ums? Comes down to a roll of the dice. Natural fucking four! Awesome! The adventure continues. So much fun playing Pathfinder. Now. Well, well, well, well, well. Looks like it's time for another episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast.

What's up, everyone? I'm Troy LaVallee. I actually just finished editing this episode here, and it is fun! Now, what does it mean when I say it's fun? Well, you'll just have to wait and see. Just a couple of quick announcements and I'll let you get to it. When we launched the Patreon a couple months ago, I think we hit our $2,500 goal within like a couple hours after we launched, which is ridiculous. It also means that we would begin creating bonus content for all our patrons of the $5 pledge tier and up from time to time, in addition to the weekly show and cannon fodder. Well, the first of that bonus content is coming to you this week in the form of the audio

recording of GCP Live. Yep, this Wednesday, if you pledge at least $5 to our Patreon per month, you will have access to the GCP Live recording that Skid GM'd. If you were there in person, you know how much fun we had, and if you weren't, you're gonna wanna listen to this. Skid does like a million voices, and we have a blast. Speaking of GCP Live, I think it was a couple days after that that we surpassed our $5,000 goal on the Patreon,

meaning that we would start expanding to provide video content for all our loyal fans. All I will say about that is stay tuned. We are working on it as I speak. Now, just like the show, we want whatever form this video content ends up taking to be extremely high quality. I will accept nothing less. This isn't going to be like our Twitch stream or our Facebook live videos. Now, those are great, and they serve a purpose because they allow us to, like, connect more directly with our fans. But this is going to be something different. And you can let us know what kind of videos you'd like to see by shooting us an email

at glasscannonpodcast at gmail.com. Lots of wild stuff coming up for the GCP, and as usual, lots of exciting announcements coming up in the near future, and we're approaching our two-year anniversary in less than a month. That's insane. So tell your friends, spread the word of the GCP, and let's together take leaps and bounds with our global footprint in year number three. Can we do that? Can we do that as a team? Let's imagine we're one giant adventuring party, huh? Now sit back, crack open a beer, or pop open a fine bottle of wine, and enjoy episode 103, Grog Hall Putsch.

Just once, just once I'd like to start an episode and feel like confident and i never ever do i always feel like i want to throw up or like ah i'm not i'm not ready i don't know any of these guys stats or anything so if you're a new gm out there and you're like how am i how am i gonna know if i'm ready you will never be ready That's how I feel all the time. Am I alone in this? You've been doing this for 100 times longer than I have. I mean, you have GMed way more games than I have. Do you still feel that sickness?

You know, I'm always like a little nervous and I feel unprepared. Usually I'm like, I'll never do this. But I also know deep down in my heart that at least I'm better than you. Right, right. That helps you go to bed at night. That is a great comfort to me in my darkest hours. Joe, I mean, you're a nervous wreck about everything. A real angry, violent person in general.

How does it manifest for you? Because you do a lot of prep. I would say you probably err on the side of overprepping. You'll read about stuff that you'll never even talk about in the game just because you like to fully immerse. Right. So how do you feel like right before a sesh? I don't get nervous. I'm alright because I am perfectly fine making shit up. You have a lot of problems about fudging rules or doing workarounds or

not being true to the ap and i don't really care yeah you'll just straight up cheat i'll just straight up doesn't bother you yeah uh and so yeah i don't i don't get too nervous about it but i do understand like i never feel like i know everything that is going to happen and i don't mean like events i mean like going into a combat i know is going to happen i And I don't mean like events. I mean like going into a combat I know is going to happen. I don't, I'm not like I have that monster step block memorized. That stuff is nearly impossible to do. Grant,

what about you? I've only been in one game that you GM. Have you GM any others? No, I've been prepping rain of winter. I've been reading it. I haven't been like prepping to play, but I am kind of immersed in that. You've been prepping to prep it. I've been reading it. I haven't been prepping to play, but I'm kind of immersed in that.

You've been prepping to prep it? I've been prepping to prep. Now that is dedication. I've been enrolling in several elite East Coast prep schools. Well, how did you feel, though, before you did your first game? Because I remember it went off without a hitch. Yeah, my biggest problem was that I let things go too long and we never finished it. But what I did was it was the Sagang expedition, and it was set in kind of an Africa-esque Sagang expanse, not in the Mwangi expanse.

And I just kind of immersed myself in, like, different African-themed soundtracks, like the Constant Gardener to Congo. And I had that playing in the background and kind of listened to some accents and tried to do them some degree of justice. You had that Lionel Richie song on repeat where it goes, Mama say, Mama say, Mama say. Which I thought was very inappropriate in

retrospect, but I also love the 80s. That was my favorite part of the soundtrack to The Constant Gardener. Starring Ralph Fiennes I love the montage in that movie set to that song when they go out shopping really good

it's a real tearjerker really it's a real tearjerker oh I'm listening to that tonight yeah no with Ralph Fiennes trying on new hats and stuff it's so funny you're so

pretty in that hat Ralph no it's usually like the first hat comes out And they just shake their heads And the second hat, no And then finally the third hat The third hat is just a dirty Boston Red Sox hat Matthew, I've only You've only run one game for me

And it was a car game So it was all theater of the mind On our way to the first ever GCP retreat So that was, I mean, a real softball in terms of like, I mean that in a good way, in terms of like level of nervousness, like how can you screw up in front of Joe and I? Did you still feel like super nervous about it or how'd you feel? Not so much nervous as frustrated when we delayed the stunning conclusion

for the car ride home when you were massively hungover and you would literally fall asleep in the middle of an action. Yeah. All right. That did happen. He was like, I take a five foot step. Step N.

I would... That's right. If you're going to turn in on me, I would blame the storyteller. If the story was more interesting, maybe my disgusting gross self would have stayed awake. I did GM. I did a Pathfinder Society when you canceled a Jade session day of.

Yeah. Right, right. So I didn't have a lot of time to prepare, so I kind of just had to wing it. That was great. Skid, was that you and I? Yeah, Skid played in that. Yeah, that was great. What are you talking about?

When Matthew ran the game at his apartment, the PFS. No, no, I wasn't here for that. You were there for that. Was I? Yep. Apparently not a very memorable game Hibernius was It was you and Remember you kept hitting on all

Back here? You kept hitting on all of my All of my female characters Oh that's right So we've learned that Matthew Should never GM again There were a bunch of like This like

This oppressed cult of Sarenrae There were a bunch of people They were trying to rescue. Oh, right. That's right. Our friend Drew and Joe and Skid just spent the whole time hitting... They're like,

who's the hottest of the refugees? Well, see, they were challenging you because they wanted to see how far you'd let it go. And I'm sure as a newbie GM, you just had to let it go. I just attacked him with a giant spider. That's when in doubt.

It was also the character was doing it, not me. I have attacked him with a giant spider. That's when in doubt. It was also the character was doing it, not me. Yeah. I have to be true to my character. I'm just trying to be true to the character.

He is known to lose himself in the role. Well, one trick that I have is I stall a lot up front. That helps me. That really helps ease me into sessions when it's just,

let them talk. Oh, is that what you're doing when you say, let's check in with the characters for a minute? That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't care about the characters. Stolen. All right.

Let's bring it back. A lot has happened in multiple timelines. But now you guys have decided, after two nights rest, you created that spike illusion. Thank goodness you found that spike. Think of, like, had you gone in a different way and, I mean, I guess, yeah, if you had gone in a different way and never found that spike and went up there and found Lork and Pembroke and Razzmatazz and, you know, the whole gang, that, what would you have done with them? Who knows?

But anyways, you found a place with them, and you've now stayed there two nights and feel confident enough that they're as safe as they're going to be up there, unless someone interacts with that illusion. Then you decide to come back down and delve deeper into this monstrosity of a place, this horrible, horrible place. And you open the doors into literally the largest playing space we've ever encountered as a Pathfinder group.

And it is a mess hall, a grog hall, a beer hall. You see two ogres arm wrestling, beers, they see you. You see one hill giant over by this big pot being uh cooked over a fire and then at the end of it you see another one who was like to the right of where you guys come in about to hurl one of these things at you and then no i can't even say on the far side of the room middle of the room still 200 150 200 away, is a 15-foot tall frost giant. Who's the tallest one in the group? Nestor, probably, right?

He's not that tall, though. I think Della. Della, I believe, is 5'9". Let me just check. I'm 5'8", I think. Della's 5'9". Della's the tallest. Yeah.

Okay, so two Delas and a half. Two Del. Okay, so two Della's and a half. Two Della's and a will? Two Della's and a will. 15 foot tall, frost giant with a great axe. This is the same weapon that that Cyclops was wielding. You know that's a times three crit. And this thing is huge. And you crit all the time. Look that bad boy it is getting out of

hand i mean you crit on crits i literally just picked up the d20 and looked at it and it's on the 20. this guy has a mind of its own um is that what you call weighted yeah seriously enough its mind seems to align with yours. Let me talk about a couple other features in the room before we get into this battle. Right to your right, where you walked in these double doors, is another set of double doors that lead back in the direction of the cathedral. You guys see that on the... Oh, you guys can't see the map, right? That is correct. Why don't I take you to the map?

How do you like World 20? I'm liking it. I was nervous about it. I love it. But when I was doing my prep today, I'm like, you know what? This is really nice. So that should put you guys all on the map right now.

I've opened up the room so you can see at least all of the space. There's so much bigger than us. Yeah. It's quite large. Find a comfortable... These giants are huge. Find a comfortable space

to be able to move around on your laptops. But, so right when you walk in, you guys just came stampeding in 100 feet into the room and you stood in the middle

of the back corner, what would be the west corner of the room and Skid quoted They Live and Tr corner of the room and Skid quoted they live and trash talked him. Skid you said to me you had something better you wanted to say. I did but it's a whole thing. If you kill

him maybe it'll work then. Not really. You want to say it? I'll just say it. So pretend this never happened. So Nessa comes in. Excuse me everyone. Eyes here please. Over Nessa comes in. All right, excuse me, everyone. Eyes here, please. Over here. Please, Joyce.

And they all look at you. You, the ogre, to please put the ladle down. Frost Giant, whatever you are. Right, so this would be much easier if you all just line up there against the far wall. Shortest to tallest.

Left to right. That's my, left to right. That's my left to your right. Okay? So if you just do that, we can get started. Now, I know you might be thinking, you might be thinking, look, we're going to resist. We're going to fight back.

I will let you know that if you do decide to go that way, it will be a lot more tiring for us and in the end a lot more painful for you. So why don't you go and pee? Well, the good news is they would have reacted the same exact way. That's the quick wit that I'm so known for. It only took me two weeks to come up with that.

To your right, set of double doors leading back towards the way you came. So you would think maybe back towards a cathedral or back towards another small room, a closet. Who knows? Directly across from where you guys came in, there's a set of double doors to the left and to the right. If you see that, okay? And then middle of the room on the far side, what will be the north side of the room, are two separate doors leading into what has to be smaller rooms. You've got like these cook fires happening. There are, you know, alcoves built into this

room on both the north and the south. Three to the north, three to the south. On the south, you don't see any doors between the alcoves. But between the three alcoves on the north side of the room are two doors leading into presumably small rooms. And then way, way, way on the east, I think we said it's like 400 feet away, are the doors leading out. Which Della would assume leads straight out onto the grounds. Roll for initiative. Oh, yeah!

Who's on low? I am on low this week. Oh, J-Lo! Oh, my goodness. I just rolled a natural three and a natural two. All right, so it's good to know nothing changes. God.

Three episodes in. All right. Nestor, what'd you get? 28. 28. Baron? 14. Oh, 14.

Two on the die. For Baron. Della? 23. Okay. You said 14, Baron? That is correct. I see. 14, is it That is correct. I see.

14, is it? That's seven times two. I see. You're a weird guy, Ace. Will, what'd you get? Will's got a five. And Um's? Four.

Oh, man. It's just so sad that Umlo's death is definitely going to come at your hands. During sound check, I rolled no less than 10 numbers higher than 18. Rule number one, when you're setting up, don't touch your die. If I've learned anything, it's that. Alright, round one.

Use your rulers here on rule 20. You will see that these tables are going to provide cover to both you and them relatively. How tall are the tables and benches? The tables are at to provide cover to both you and them relatively. How tall are the tables and benches? The tables are at least five feet tall. So they're going to get partial cover

and you're going to get full cover from ranged attacks. Sweet. How tall are the ceilings in the room? The ceilings in this room are 20 feet tall, I believe. So the Frost Giant is basically almost... He's squeezing. He could reach up and touch the ceiling. I guess so.

I'd have to look it up if it's 40 feet or not, but I don't want to. If you want to start flying, I'll tell you the exact height. You let me know if you want to fly. Because you know, that's information you wouldn't be able to discern just standing in a room. Right, no, but sitting here

in front of the book, I have to be like, alright Matthew, let me tell you what the height of the ceilings are. Hold on. Roll a perception. Let me go, yeah, that's what I do. Can you go ahead and roll a knowledge roofs? What'd you get on the knowledge roofs?

Yeah, I'll let you know if you want to fly. Such bullshit. No wonder you want to fly. Such bullshit. No wonder you felt unprepared. You were actually unprepared. Well, leave it to you guys to be like, how high is the roof? Damn it, I've got every stat here except the height of the roof. It's 30 feet. All right.

Is it really? No, I don't know. Damn it. That sounds right. Presumably, if it's a mess hall for giants, it wouldn't be too short. Hey, Joe, you remember during sound check when Troy was like, my mic is too quiet. Yeah, exactly. Turn it up! Turn it up!

Alright, round one is going to be Nestor Coin. Alright. I'm going to study targets against, and deadly aim against this ogre closest to us. Okay.

75 feet, well within my first range increments. And first attack with the many shots. 30, 31 to hit. I will say it is a hit. Okay. But these ogres have uncanny dodge, so you do not get sneak attack damage on them. They cannot be caught flat-footed.

Oh, that sucks. But you do hit. That's uncanny. Okay. That's uncanny! 32 points of damage. 32 points of damage. Oh, is that all?

Wow! Okay. Hey, Nestor, you warned them. I did. I said... You gave them fair warning. I told them how, you know, in my revised statement... That's true. Revised opening salvo. 20

to hit. 20 hits? Great. 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage on the back end. Yep. All right, so Ness are just... And it is now Della's turn. Della's going to cast Haste. Them's ogres.

Oh, yeah! There we go. It's a little extra moveability. You're going to need that for this size room. Della casts Haste. Any sort of movement you want to do? She'll stay where she is for now. Della stays where she is.

Swift action, keen and shock the cemetery. Hell yeah. It is now the hill giant's turn. The hill giant grabs the cauldron, as I said it was doing, and chucks it at you guys.

This is a greater splash weapon. It's going to do some serious damage. This is a ranged touch attack. So it is against Oh, this is so bad. We're all dead. This is against, who is

I can't even see, who is this character right there, all by themselves? I believe that's Baron. Who is this character right there all by themselves? I believe that's Barron. No, that's Barron. That's Barron. All right, so it is going to... Barron is in the splash range. All the rest of you, this is against your touch AC.

Yee-hee-hee. 13 against touch. Miss. Miss. I'm sure that that's going to hit me And almost certainly Umz Yes that hits Umlo To confirm Oh god

What about Lex Yeah don't forget Lex It's not going to hit Lexington It does hit Sir Will Alright six points of damage to Sir Will Five points to everybody else, including Baron. Even though it didn't hit my touch? Basically, the greater splash weapon threatens everyone on the spot and five feet away,

and then everyone outside of that is within splash range, which would be you, Baron. And that's an auto hit? Yeah, if it doesn't hit you, all you take is the splash damage. So it ends up being pretty similar. Six points to Sir Will and Umlo. Or did Umlo? And Umlo. And Umlo.

And everyone else takes five. And that's fire damage. Hey, you know what I just realized looking at my hero lab here? We used up all the healing last week. Yeah, we did. This is a... We have no ability to heal. It's a good thing we have that paladin.

So it is very likely a TPK. Of course. Extremely likely. What would you say the odds are of Umlo dying? Well, Joe is playing. You're the one who's good at odds. I'd like to point out Joe is playing. Okay, the other hill giant...

Oh, damn it. I forgot that that other ogre had cover. That last shot by Nestor wouldn't have hit. Alright, anyways. The other hill giant is going to make its way, double move over to the far... It's now closest to you. It's moved to the end of this

first giant table. What did I say last time? The size of a raft? And it is now Baron's turn. Baron, you're just hot fire from that. Covered in fire. My hair's on fire. It's normally the hat, but, you know, still hatless. But thanks to this haste

spell, Baron's gonna fire the giant's bane crossbow twice. Twice. You had it out and loaded. I've been walking around with it. We're in the middle of giant country. Okay. Don't remember you ever saying it,

but go ahead. Pretty sure you never said, I'm out with my loaded crossbow. You did. But go for it, Baron. Take 19 attacks. It's on the record. This has been Passive Aggressive GM

from the Troyla Valley. If you feel like that's the right thing to do, if you want to go to sleep at night... I'm going to shoot at the closest ogre. He doesn't seem to be hesitating. Are you shooting at the hill giant that just moved up, or the ogre that just moved up?

Okay. 15. 15 miss. Are you shooting at the hill giant that just moved up or the ogre that just shut? The hill giant that just moved up. Okay. Ooh. Fifteen. Fifteen. Miss. All right. Second attack. Natural.

Twenty. Oh! Just to confirm, you can rapid reload this crossbow? It's an extra full attack, according to Hero Lab. Oh, because of haste? Yep. But do you get an extra... But reload action is still

a reload action, isn't it? Yeah. I'm just going by what hero lab's telling me, man. Oh, well, it's a light crossbow? Well, we went... No, it's a heavy crossbow. Oh, then no, you cannot fire twice. Yeah. We went through this before. We said it's on hero lab, but afterward you said, I shouldn't be able to do that. Yeah. Because it's a full round action to reload it.

Which would be reduced to like a standard action. It's not reduced by haste. It's not reduced by haste. It's not reduced by haste at all. Haste just gives you an extra attack. Okay. Then I only fire once and then I drop the crossbow and will quick draw, take out my double-barreled pistol. Fire. Hits the back wall.

Hits one of those doors back there. It is now the ogre's turn. Both ogres, when they saw you coming, just, here come the ogres. Here come the ogres. Send in the ogres. Movement speed. Yeah. Yeah. See? Yeah.

Okay. One ogre comes zipping around the table at you, the one that Nestor was attacking. The other one goes around the far side of the table. So they're kind of splitting off and coming around to surround you guys.

Pincer attack? So the weakened one is closer to that hill giant, and then the other one is coming around the backside. It's a much longer walk for him. So he's only at the far middle of the... He's got a much longer walk for him. So he's only at the far middle of the... He's got a long way to go. So it's two ogres and one

hill giant? Is that what's attacking us? Right. The first hill giant threw a pot at you guys. Splash damage hit Will and Umlo. The second one just double moved to come up into you. And then the two ogres, they're just double moving to kind of get into space. And now it is the frost giant's turn. Oh no.

This is what I'm afraid of. He is extremely far away and extremely dangerous. Is he dragon level dangerous? I don't know about that, but I would say pretty badass. It would be the nastiest giant we've faced yet, probably. I would think so. I mean... He is just making his way. Let's see. We gotta

try to take out these other guys, these lesser targets first before he gets to us. The Frost Giant will be... Once he gets in range, I'm just gonna start shooting at him. I think he's gonna throw stuff at us. Frost Giant double moves and now, with his speed, he is actually almost caught up with that second ogre that came around the far side of the table. They're all the same size, but even the pawn of this Frost Giant looks more intimidating.

Yeah, it's huge. He's about 140 feet away at this point. Yep. And it is Sir Will's turn. 15 feet tall, this giant. Okay. Sir Willemette Keswick feet tall, this giant. Okay. Sir Willemette Keswick, the... Who was that?

The ogre came around the one side of the table, the north side, to start this pincer attack. Right. And left himself open to a charge. What kind of a charge? A highbury charge! A highbury! A highbury! So, yeah, Sir Will is going to face Lexington off straight at this guy

and tilt past him and do a full ride-by charge. Question, will that provoke from the hill giant, or does the Cavalier's charge not provoke? That is correct. Okay. He charges right by the side of him and tries to tilt his Highbury lance into the creature. Natural one.

Oh, my God. Come on, O'Brien. Oh, my God. It's almost impossible to miss that. Natural two. Oh, no. I don't know. That's a 19 to hit.

19 to hit. Hits exactly. So it is not. It's a 19 to hit. 19 to hit. Hits exactly. So it is not... It's not a fumble. It's just a plus 17 to hit. You're lucky. Thank goodness you did. So that's a straight up miss.

Wait. Do you get two attacks at this level? Yeah. Even though you lost your paladin abilities? Yeah. Yeah. But you tilted by. Yeah, I'm a martial character.

It's based on the base attack bonus, so he still gets the full bonus. So you ride straight by him and... And miss. Yeah, I go to tilt to the side and miss. Okay, so you're up here. So now I ran to the far wall. Now I'm on the far wall.

What's going through your head thinking about opening that door and just hiding in the closet? He just keeps going. How's it going down to the far wall. Now I'm on the far wall. What's going through your head thinking about opening that door and just hiding in the closet? He just keeps going. I'll see you guys after the fight! It's like Bo Jackson after scoring a 92-yard touchdown. He just goes right down the tunnel

and keeps going. He holds up the flag. I'm out of here! See you guys! All right, well, maybe you'll have more luck. Good luck with the frost, Joe! With that.

With Umlo. J-Lo yeah umlo is good to go umlo is good to go he is going to move up what would we say here 15 feet away within 15 feet

and this is the new umlo this is barbarian level umlo this is barbarian level umlo oh do I have to roll save on this guy, right? So he just threw away all of the paladin training Sir Will gave him after he had his fall from grace. Yeah, we talked about this on the FOD.

It's like, how is Sir Will going to knight him right now? Like, I had thought all along he has to go paladin. There's a relationship building there, but like, Sir Will can't. We're going to knight him anti-paladin? You are evil Sir Umlo. First, he will roll a can. Knight of Antipaladin. You are evil, sir. I'm low. First, he will roll a

will save. It's a 15, so I think that passes, right? Or is it 16? I think it's 16. For Nargrim's steel hand? Yeah, for Nargrim's steel hand. It's a DC 15 will save, so he exactly makes

it, so he's alright. So he exactly makes it. So he's all right. So he's not compelled to fight it to the death. Right, but he's still going to fight it. So he steps up to this ogre and he takes a stab with heart spit. Heart spit. 26 to hit. There we go. That is a hit.

There we go. There we go. And he does. Oh, my God. Is this the guy that was already hurt? Yes. Okay, good. Oh my god.

Is this the guy that was already hurt? Yes. Okay, good. On 4d6 plus... What is it? 4d6 plus 4, I did 11. 11 points of damage. I am having a rough night. So Umlo just...

Yes. And did he 5 foot step or he had to move? No, he had to move about 15 feet. Yeah, you hit him. You did not kill him step or he had to move? No, he had to move about 15 feet. Yeah, you hit him. You did not kill him. You did not rage or anything though, right? Not yet. No, we're saving that.

Saving it. This was all Skid's idea. It's like the rage building within Umlo. You had to go barbarian. That is the end of round one. Long round one. Everybody's still standing. A lot of combatants.

This could last the entire episode. I mean, that is why I'm stalling. He really wants the combat to last. I just want a real softball. All right. Round two. Nestor. Oh, this poor ogre.

Five, ten, fifty, or twenty feet away from this guy. So the frost giant is still well out of my range, I'm 20 feet away from this guy. Okay, so the frost giant is still well out of my range, but I'm going to try to take this beleaguered ogre down before he gets into range here. So first shot with the many shots. 27 to hit. 27 hits.

Oh, there we go. And 34 points of damage. Ooh, dead. Oh, good. There we go. I love that X you threw over him. That's perfect. You. Ooh. Dead. Oh, good. There we go. I love that X you threw over him. That's perfect. You like that?

Dead. X marks the splat. All right, so that was the mini shot? Yes. Two arrows. Just light them up. I'm going to take my second full attack bonus attack on the hill giant, the cook, behind him. Ah, yes. Shades of Galabras, the cook.

29 to hit. 29 is a hit. Not gonna forget cover this time. Not this time, you dastardly heroes. 21 points of damage. Wow. Okay, 21 damage. And then I'm gonna take my final least attack

bonus with the haste. And that's 31 to hit. That is a hit. 18 on the die. That is a hit all day. 24 points of damage. What a round. What a round by Nestor.

Just many shot. Moving with like a blur, like with blinding speed like we all are right now. Great round by Nestor. Going full on Legolas motherfucker. Guarantee it's all are right now. Great round by Nestor. Going full on Legolas motherfucker. Guarantee it's all downhill from here. Not any slight against you though, Della. Della, prove me wrong. Della is going to scramble up on the north table.

Oh! Okay, I want a ready in action. But I don't want to tell you what it is. Okay. Do you want me to write it down on a secret piece of paper? I want you to text it to Joe. Yeah, that's fine. Is this your card? If you have one person

to corroborate what you said your readied action was, the action that would trigger your action. Alright, so you're double moving. Double move? No, I'm haste moving. I'm doing one move action and getting up on, climbing up the table. Moving to the table is one, getting on the table is the second move action. Okay.

I mean, I have like, so you're saying it would take me a move action. Well, it's got to be a climb check or an acrobatics check. I'm hand-waving the acrobatics check and counting that as the second move action. Then I can't ready an action. Let's see what you want to do. I would say, though, with this table being five foot tall,

think about all the chain link fences you've jumped in your life at that height or like six feet, like running up to one and just going, do you want me to do acrobatics? What's your, but that makes you move

at quarter speed and all that other nonsense. I mean, I have the movement to do that. Yeah, but he would still have plenty of movement to do it. He's got the haste.

Ah, all right. He's going 60 feet. Well, what's your acrobatics? Plus 15. All right, you're up there.

I'll allow it. Okay. Let's just, let's move on. Let's move on. You know, unchained acrobatics gives you like,

that just happens. So, yeah, you're good. I'm texting Joe the condition of my ready to action. Okay. Why are you sending him a photo? That's weird. Oh, God. Matthew, put your pants back on.

This is what you want to happen? I thought all ready to actions have to come with penises. Fumble, fumble, fumble. It would be an indisputable event Alright so Della Moves onto the table Ready's in action Time for the hillies

Alright This guy down Down here What does he want to do That's not very descriptive Troy About where this character is You guys don't see him at home down here. What does he want to do? That's not very descriptive, Troy, about where this character is. You guys don't see him at home down here? Down here.

This guy. This guy. He is the hill giant in the first southern alcove, the one that chucked the pot of boiling water at you. Ah, now I know who you're talking about. Ah! The one that I just shot. No.

No, no. You shot the cook? You shot that one or the north one? I shot the one that was standing right behind the one that I killed. Oh, yeah, no, that's not the one that threw the punch. Oh, okay. Good, I got nervous. I was going to have to pause everything and redo it.

Okay, so this guy is just going to... He is going to not Not really double move, but basically he has no action. He is going to move up to the south end of these tables and stay within cover of the tables. Acrobatics check over that bench, Troy. Just kidding. These are giant creatures.

But I appreciate you. I appreciate you all the time, Grant. All right, who is... Let's see, we've got a hill giant, we've got Sir Will. Who is this creature here? Is that UMS? That's the UMS. Okay.

I'm going to say this hill giant up top, the one that Nestor just shot at, is going to go 5, 10, 15. I can't see where... Oh, no, it's Sir Will! Yeah. Damn it. No. And he's going to swing. How about a great club? It's Sir Will. I feel Damn it. No. And he's going to swing. How about a great club?

It's Sir Will. I feel a natural 20 coming. Howard? Nah, we'll just do a regular swing against that AC. He was sitting on the 20, turned into not a 20. Still going to be a 25. That is... Marty, we're all in damage.

Be honest. That is... Marty, we're all in damage. Be honest. That is a hit. Just boom! Should have charged. Forgot. 17 points of damage with the great club. Oh, man. Not going to lie, very low damage output on my dice.

Boom! With the great club. All right. Baron. Baron. Picks up the crossbow loads it shoots five times jumps up on the table does a backflip then does river dance in its entirety baron with his uh short range of his gun is still a little bit out of full attack range action so

he is going to cast for the first time oh Oh, I'm nervous. Looking at the heavens, saying, Toreg, grant me your protection. Shield of faith on himself. Oh, yeah. Was that a plus two to AC? Plus two deflection bonus to AC. Which, uh, and then what Baron's gonna do is he's gonna get

back to back with his main man, Nestor. Ah. Oh, yeah. You've also outed who your main man is. Now, everyone else is going to feel bad about it. My main boy, Will, or my main girl, Della. Okay, that's fair. But, Umlo, not part of your main friends. Main dwarf.

Main dwarf. All right, you win this round. Who's your main wolf? All right, Reginald. I was thinking about this the other day when I was re-listening to 99. I think what I'm going to do with Reginald is if you ever go back to see him, I'm going to roll a percentage die for every day that you were gone. And if it's a 95 or above, she's going to be eviscerated and dead.

Reginald? Yeah, Reginald. That's how I'm going to roll to see if Reginald's still alive. So let me get this straight. You killed Gormley. Uh-huh. You me get this straight. You killed Gormley. Uh-huh. And then you... You killed Gormley.

You killed Gormley. And then poor Reginald, who loved her, loved her. She did. You just decided this is going to be cruelly swept away by fate.

As Joe said, you tied her up to a post a week ago. We didn't tie her anywhere. She's a horse. With no food or water. She can eat grass. She is a magic horse. to a post a week ago. We didn't tie her anywhere. She's a horse. With no food or water. She can eat grass. She is a magic horse.

In a land full of giants. She's a combat-trained war horse. She would know how to eat grass. Troy, in another combat, in a single round, you said she was in the next county. So I think she could survive. She's going to come back with Baron's hat as well. All right. Ogre 1 is dead.

Real bummer for me. Sorry, Troy. So Ogre 1 is dead. Real bummer for me. Sorry, Troy. So, Ogre 2 is dead. Ogre 1. This is a weird little room here. Yeah, I guess I'm trying to figure out what he wants to do. I think you should get up on that table. I think you should finally pursue his dream of a college degree.

That's what I'd do. You know what, Ness? Elliot Nestor, I am going to take your advice, and I am going to get up on that table. This guy sees Della up on the table. Now, Della's on the north table. He is going to get up on the south table, but how awesome would it be

if we dueled across the tables? It'd be like Coyote Ugly, except it's really ugly. It's extremely ugly. Coyote Ugly, except it's really ugly. It's extremely ugly. Coyote Extremely Ugly. All right. So he is going to hop up on the table and double move all the way to the edge of the table. And he is exactly opposite Dela Narn.

But they're still 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 feet apart. It's a large map. 30 feet of space between them. Leap attack. Leap attack. But he does turn to look at Della. Oh no, gaze. Gaze attack. And that is his turn. The frost giant just continues his march towards murder town.

Sir Will, what do you got? Sir Will is going to attempt to flank these giants. Actually, that activates my action. Oh. Oh. What activates your action? The Frost Giants movement or the Ogre?

Frost Giants movement. So all I wanted to do was be able to hit the Frost Giant and one other giant with a little spell called Fireball. Oh, yes. So what was the ready to action job? You worded it incorrectly. I did word it incorrectly. What was the point of this? Let me judge.

I was literally going to say, the one thing you need to do is word it exactly correctly. The idea was, so it's a 20-foot radius. So really what I said is within 40 feet. Joe, can you read back the text? The text says, so it's a 20-foot radius. So really what I said is within 40 feet. Yeah, he said it. Joe, can you read back the text? The text says, word for word, Joe, you are a fantastic role player. That can't be right.

Oh, wait, that's the text I said to myself. He says, I feel really bad for Sir Will. And hold on, I'll get to the ready to action. Sure, sure. Scam, scam, scam. When the frost giant comes within 20 feet of one of the other enemies down below, I will act. I meant 40, because it's a 20-foot radius. But it's in writing.

You meant 40, but you specifically said within 20 feet of another giant. But you know what he meant. Fireball is a 20-foot radius. Okay, that's fine. Okay. Rain down fire. So actually all three are going to get it. Because that was fun.

Oh yeah, that'll hit all three. Be sure to put the picture of his penis up on the Tumblr. A lot of different Tumblrs are showing interest in our slits. Yeah, we've really expanded our fan base. We've got a lot of hits. We've got sponsorships. But not from a site that I want. I'm so glad you guys have such confidence

in me. You have a DC 16 reflex save for all of them. What do you mean all of them? The two of them? Or all three of them? All three of them. Alright, so DC 16 reflex save. Alright, first the ogre fails. Yeah right, first the ogre. Fails.

Yeah. And then the hill giant, natural 20, makes it. Fails. And then the frost giant. I wish I had rolled the frost giant with natural 20. 17. Okay, so Della points her finger out, and a little tiny little like pebble-shaped ball of fire comes up. Boom. out and a little tiny little like pebble shaped ball fire comes up 25 points of damage to the ogre who failed and 12 points to the other two

wow alright I'm sure frost giants love being burned immolated yeah no they definitely don't they definitely don't okay so hill giant number one took you said the half damage is what? Twelve.

Nice job, man. That is a good, ready-to-action, even though it was incorrectly ordered. All right, Sir Will, you're up. Della has moved in the initiative order to now go after the Frost Giant kills her. Sorry, I was... I didn't mean to read all of this. I didn't mean to spoil my evil plan. Okay, this is such

a terrible decision, but Sir Will is going to try to flank the giants. So he's going to ride with all haste past the hill giant to get behind them. Wow. So like flank with the rest of your party. You're going to ride with all haste past the hill giant to get behind them. Wow. Which provokes.

So, like, flank with the rest of your party. You're going to solo flank with Umlo, Nestor, and Baron. No, I'm just going to, like, literally flank all of the giants. I'm trying to come around the table to the backside of the frost giant. Oh. Wow. Okay, so that is going to provoke from the hill giant. That is hill giant number two.

Not the one that threw the pot of gold. So he will swing out with a great club. I'll tell you, Joe, haven't rolled a 20 today. Feeling good about this die. You actually just rolled a 20. That's true. Miss. Yes!

Yeah! 17. That's a big miss. 17. That was a big gamble. So. That was a big gamble. So it's just lumbering giant. And he ducks under the blow and rides past. Goes between his legs.

Yes, goes right between his legs. Wow, you are pretty, now you're, I would say, a third into the room. Yeah. And you are very far away from everybody, and there is still another 300 feet left in the room. Seriously. Very cool move. All right, so you are kind of out of harm's way, with the exception of ranged characters,

or depending on what people do. But Sir Will is all by himself. Hope there's nobody else in that room, Sir Will. Hope there's no one else in those alcoves. Yeah, if one of those doors busts open, I'm in trouble. Umlo. Umlo is going to step up to the hill giant here, 15 feet away, and he will stab

with heart. Now his movement has increased now that he's taken that first level of barbarian. He has fast movement. That's right. So now he can get up there with ease. But he has the haste. It didn't factor in this time, but I appreciate you bringing it up. Here we go.

27 to hit. Yeah. That is a hit. Yeah, let's get a better 4d6 this time. There we go. That is 21 points of damage from Umlo. Yeah. And had this one been hit?

Nestor hit him. Nestor hit him. Nestor hit this one. You said 21 points of damage, so Umlo just... Okay. Can he do another attack, or did he have to double attack? No, he had to move more than five feet. All right.

Two rounds down. One giant down. One giant down. Sir Will in the next county. It's almost like you're counting down to something. Almost as if I'm counting down. Oh, no. No.

Far, far away. You hear the sound of a horse dying. Oh, no. All right. Nestor, coin. All right. What do you got, coin? I'm going to start taking aim at the frost giant, I think.

So I'm going to... I sound like Frankenstein. He's within range. The frost bad. I sound like Frankenstein. He's within range. Frost bad! So I'm going to take my first many shots, studied targets, et cetera, on it. 21 to hit? 21 misses.

I rolled a four. It's got some juicy armor on. All right. Second shot, full attack bonus. 24. Twenty. Twenty four. Twenty four. With partial cover. Is a miss.

Oh God. No. Third attack. And I missed on the final shot. And hasted. Nestor. No. Nestor takes a chance there.

It's a bold chance. I rolled a fucking. Oh wait. Was that a one? Skid's gonna roll. I thought I rolled a seven bold chance. I rolled a fucking... Oh, wait. Was that a one? Skid's gonna roll! I thought I rolled a seven, but I picked it up and it might have been a one. Take the one. Fumble!

Alright, I'll take the one. What's the worst that could happen? You can't shoot your bow for six rounds? Fumble. Okay, on my lowest attack. Oh, no. No, Nester! I think that's a miss. Thirteen. Yeah, it's a miss. Oh, no! Skid! Nester, no. No, Nestor! I think that's a miss. 13. Yeah, it's a miss. Oh, no!

Skin! Nestor, bold. Leading the charge in a way, like, I'm taking a shot at the boss here. This miss fumbles on the last one. Lowered guard. Oh, okay. You provoke attacks of opportunity from all threatening foes. Oh, who?

All right. Darren dies. That's a bullet in the head. All right. Sometimes it's provoke attacks of opportunity from all threatening foes. Oh, who? All right. Baron's huge nester in the head. All right. Sometimes it's provoke attacks of opportunity and no one's around. Sometimes it's get decapitated. You never know. Middle ground with those guys.

It's like a box of chocolates, really. All right. H1 and H2. All right. So now things are going to change here because these guys can get right up in your respective grills. Yep. Let me just make sure they can both get... Yeah.

All right, so both hill giants converge. We'll have the first one is going to go up to Umlo. So that's actually going to be a five-foot step, so we can do a full attack action. Great axe. Excuse me. I'm looking at the front. No, no.

I'm looking at the front. Not a great axe. He doesn't have a great axe. He has a great club. First attack on Umla. Don't forget, you get a bonus because it is a giant creature. First attack, 21.

No way. On Umla. Umla. Oh,. On UMS. Oh, on the UMS. That is a miss. And Umlo has to roll a save. Umlo has to roll a save. And he failed. So now he's going to take this

to the death. He stays focused on that hill trap. To the pain. Which he probably would anyway. Second attack. Wow, I thought that would hit. Second attack. To the pain. Which he probably would anyway. Second attack. Wow, I thought that would hit. Second attack. Natty 19.

Oof. Oh boy. Almost max damage. 25 points of damage. Oh no. Second attack. Oh. No, no, no, no, no. Boom! No, no, no, no, no. Hits Oms with the great club. So Oms has been hit by fire and the club. Is he in good shape? Uh, no. shape? No.

No. No. He's probably one good hit away from unconsciousness. Ah, good, good. If not outright death. Which means it's time to rage, baby! Oh, that means he's outright death. Yeah, that is outright death. Oh, yeah.

That will absolutely... Because he'll lose his ten pit points. Good thing he's not wearing that victor's belt. So do we metagame, or do we have him go into a rage against giants? Well, he... I mean, he's failed his will save. I would say rage. Don't suicide Umlo.

Make him fight the way Umlo should fight. The other one comes up and does one great club attack on... Is Nestor in the front there, or is that Baron? Yeah, that's Nestor, yeah. Attack on Nestor is going to be a 22 to hit. That just hits, exactly. Hits Nestor for 17 points of damage. So this guy just, boom, hits Nestor with the great club.

So the hill giants are converging. Thank goodness Umlo stepped up there because the hill giants would have closed in on Nestor and Baron together. And those ranged characters need that distance in order to get those ranged attacks off without provoking. It is now Baron's turn. Baron, you are five, ten feet away

from this hill giant that just crushed Nestor. Oh, we just got our first email for the sponsorship from Matthew's photo we posted to the Tumblr. Oh! Good, good. It's from a company that sells a cream that you rub on your penis and makes it less ugly. My mother-in-law listens to this show.

Cut it out. Pause for edit. He's got such an ugly penis. Pause for edit. I'm editing this one. All right. Baron and your ugly penis So Baron

Within ten feet Is finally going to Unleash the full Brunt of his Double barreled pistol With four attacks This round Oh yeah

High misfire chance But he's got to do it To protect His main man We haven't had a good Misfire in a while It's been a while Oh that's a hit

That is a hit I'm so excited I'm so nervous 17 points of damage Second attack Second attack That's a hit 17 on the die That's 14 points of damage

30 sec That's a hit This damage. Okay, boom. Boom. 30 sec. That's a hit. This is just like watching an artist at work. 14 points of damage. That die is on two digits every time it hits the table. Final attack. One more. Up close and deadly.

Don't you misfire! Not a misfire. 14 against Dutch AC. Ah, that's still a hit. And I said up close and deadly. Those guys are big, lumbering targets. Ah, that's still a hit. And I set up close and deadly. Hill Giants are big lumbering targets. Oh, yeah.

23 points of damage. Good slinger! Doom, doom, doom, doom. Boom, boom, boom. Lights up the Hill Giant. Still kicking. They don't have a lot, but they have hit points. Come on. If it's wrong, blame, boom. Lights up the hill giant. Still kicking. They don't have a lot, but they have hit points.

Come on. If it's wrong, blame Hero Lab. It's so weird that you'd lie. Alright, so the ogre on the table. What does this foul beast want to do? Staring down Della at the other table.

Still very far away, though, and a lot of climbing and movement for a giant. Two benches. Yeah, for a giant, not so hard, but, um... Alright, so I want to say that it can climb down to the bench, move to the other bench, and attack

from the, uh, seat. I'm sure it could. Of the bench that, uh, Della's. That would probably be an acrobatics check. Yeah, right? Alright, it's going to attempt to make that

acrobatics check. Let's see. I'm going to say it's 5 feet, so DC 5. I have a minus 2 to acrobatics, and I rolled a seven. Wow. So it gets over there and does one swing at Del with the great club.

Everyone's in the fray here. 18, Della. Miss. You're going to be all right. You're all right, Della. Here comes Frosty. Happy birthday. I'm so glad we named him Frosty.

All right. Where does Frosty want to go? Frosty sees Sir Will coming up the other side. He's got decent. You know what? I don't know that he does. You want to talk about these tables have cover. Sir Will is low to the ground.

I think you're right there, O'Brien. I think you're right. And I never say that he does. You want to talk about these tables have cover. Sir Will is low to the ground. I think you're right there, O'Brien. I think you're right. And I never say that about you. Awesome. All right. I think he is going to come up, and he is going to get behind the hill giant so that the hill giant is providing him cover

and he's out of Baron's threatened range. But he's definitely within Nestor's range. It's just he's going to get a buff to his AC because that hill giant is still there. So everyone is sort of converged in with the exception of Sir Will. Meanwhile, Della and a ogre are fighting on a table. This is a real power room

brawl. Della, you are now up with your move in the initiative order. Oh, okay. Della is going to take a five-foot step in and do a full attack round. Yeah. Who do you think you are? That's going to be four attacks because I'm doing spell combat spell strike. Oh, yes!

Don't forget, you get a plus one to attack because you're on higher ground. Oh, okay. And does he have any kind of metal armor or weapon on him? He does not. Okay. He has hide armor. So I'm going to take the... It doesn't matter if I take the five-foot step here

or then because I'm threatened in both places, I have to roll a concentration. So walk me through all 19 of these attacks. Okay. I need to kill this character soon because this is going to get complicated. This is going to be very complicated. I'll give you a couple eps.

Yeah, we'll just try it out and then you can smash my head in So I get two attacks now Because I'm an Aethel Omega I get an extra attack to do the shocking grasp damage And then I get an extra attack because of haste Okay, and when you say extra attack It's really just when you do spell combat You are allowed as a free action

To put that through your blade And then you get your two blade attacks And then you get another blade blade attacks. And then you get another blade attack. Yeah. Well, technically, by casting the spell, I have a... I get a free attack to deliver the spell. To deliver it through the weapon. Alright, so let's do that one. Let's roll the concentration on that

first. Hopefully it'll fail. Pass. Damn it. My concentration's pretty good, my friend. Pass. Alright. Would you build this character to be good? Okay. So I get plus one to hit? Plus one to hit, yeah, on all your attacks. 20 to hit. That is a hit.

Yes. Okay, this is the Shocking Grasp. Oh, boy. So it's 8d6 with the Shocking Grasp. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. You should just roll 8d6 like 10 times and bring an index card with it ready to go. Cross them off every hit.

Yeah. Or just use a computer. 17 for the shocking grasp plus the weapon and the flame and the shock that was on the weapon. So it's 22 damage on the shocking grasp. 22 on the first attack. That is spell combat. So you rolled terribly. I did roll pretty badly.

Okay. All right. It is still alive and kicking. First attack. Probably not for long. That did roll pretty badly. Okay. All right. It is still alive and kicking. First attack. Probably not for long. That's going to miss. Okay. 15 to hit.

Miss. Second attack. Fumble. Fumble. Fumble. 18 to hit. Miss. Okay.

And now here's the last haste attack. Hey, so this is your full attack bonus. Full attack bonus. And you get the plus one. Natural 19 critical threat. Oh! Roll to confirm, Della!

20 to confirm. 21 to confirm. Confirmed crit. Yes! Oh, baby! Della! Huge, Della. Huge! I can just pitch a Della up on the table. Critical threat! Critical threat! I feel like Critical threat. Critical threat.

I feel like she looks at Sir Will before she lands this too. Like, wink! Are these critical? Yeah, those are the critical. Wing tear. Double damage

and target loses flight if it uses wing. Oh, double damage. Man, where was that on the dragon fight? All right, double damage. So it would be 3d6 plus 4. So I'll roll 6d6.

Is that how we're going to do it? Sure. How about this? 6d6. I have the app, too. I just didn't get it. Plus 8. So 31 points of damage. Long story short, you kill the ogre. Boom! Hits with the first spell. Scimitar, miss, miss, and then

vital organ kills the ogre. On top of the table. That's great. And it just collapses over and falls down. All right, Sir Will, make it his way around. God, it's complicated. Keeping his head above water. Making his way when he can. I am so tempted to run Lexington at this table and leap onto the table with Lexington.

Then run the length of the table, jump off, and hit this frost giant. But that's probably not going to happen in one turn. That's probably awesome. Yeah, I'm going to try it. All right, so Sir Will leans down to Lexington. He's like, we've practiced this before. You can do it. Let's go, Lexington.

And he's going to ride with all speed to try to jump onto this table. So he has an eight acrobatics. So I'm not sure what the DC is for him to jump onto this table. I mean, it's DC five. So to jump up onto the table. It's a five foot table. I'm just saying it's a guaranteed pass. Yeah.

All right. It's a guaranteed pass. You just once you use acrobatics, you slow your movement down. You move half speed. Yeah. Okay. So if I move half speed. But you automatically get up there.

This is a magical wolf. It certainly is. All right. Yeah. And you actually spent a feat trying to make it better. Right. So he's going to jump onto the table and stare down this frost giant for next round. Even with haste?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so he's not even at the midpoint of the table. It's a massive table. This room is huge. Ostensibly next round you could charge off that table. Lexington just ran and jumped and landed and went 65 feet, and that was half of his movement. And you're still not halfway across the table. That is the size of this room.

The table is 65 feet long. That's so absurd. I will forget to do this, but we should take a picture of this. This seems like just classic Pathfinder to me, right? This room is 600 feet long, and we've now crowded it into one 20, 30-foot space. I will say, you know, there is a good amount of space in what you have done, but, yeah, there is a clumping down the end of the room. Unless there was guys all over the place, that was bound to happen.

I applaud your efforts. All right, Umlo, talk to me. What are we sitting at for HP? Umlo's sitting at 25. Okay. So, I believe, did you never move your hill giant within 10 feet? I don't think you moved him. He's not within 10?

Oh, okay. If you did, then good. I'll move back. 5, 10. Oh, no. If you did, then good. I'll move back. 5, 10. Oh, no. Umlo's going to take a... That would have been weird. Okay, so Umlo will take a five-foot step back.

Okay. And provoke from the dead ogre. Yeah, to be 15 feet away. And he will stab three times, right? Yeah. Three times. Crit. Crit.

Crit. Come on, ums. Crit.. Crit. Come on, ums. I mean, you could save your own life. What do you got? Here we go. First attack. What you got, ums? What you got, ums? I'm doing it

for Englehild. And he takes his first swing. Natural fucking four. Awesome. So much fun playing Pathfinder. God! Second swing, I'm doing my haste swing. Full attack bonus. 90-20!

Get out of here! No! Natural 20! Yes! Wow. Come on, confirm it, Umla. If you don't listen to cannon fodder, I will calm you all down. The confirmed crit for Umla will not level him up with the party.

Now that he is caught up to the leveling up system, he will always stay one level behind the party. Stick heart spit. Inside. Which is yet to happen. Of this creature. Come on! This will be the first ever crit.

90-19! Yes! Confirmed crit. First ever confirmed crit. Heart spit. I forgot what it does. I forgot what it does, too. It gets lodged in.

It gets lodged in and you pull it out. Give me 45 minutes. That's right. And then as a move action, I think, or a free action, you can remove it and it automatically does 2d6 damage or something. The barbs on the end of the spear stick in the giant's flesh. Nargrim, this was his weapon of choice when he took down all those famous giants that you saw portraits of inside of Steelhand's tomb. And now finally, his kin is able to...

So, the wielder can move or damage the target, but the wielder's... You have to grapple check. Oh. On a confirmed crit, Harosu can attempt a combat maneuver check to grapple the target as a free action.

Okay. Right. It's kind of like the grab ability of a monster. Oh, yeah. Okay. So first let me read this crit card for piercing. Blown back. Double damage and the target is knocked prone.

Wow. I'm taking that and not rolling the grapple check. Well, here. I'll tell you this right now just because it's really fun. You can roll the grapple check. Well, here, I'll tell you this right now, just because it's really fun. You can roll the grapple check for free, and if you succeed, the blowback will do the extra damage of the barbs coming out of it. Oh, awesome! Okay.

So first, I'm going to do the... Is it times three? Is it a times three weapon? Heart spit? Times three. It is times three! Yeah, man! It is one of the best weapons. If you make the grapple and you rip it out, it's 4d6 points of slashing damage. There's no way this giant lives.

There's no way. All right, so it's 6d6, and that's not the bonus giant damage yet. So 6d6. Roll the grapple for us. Let's see if it sticks in his skin. It's free. No harm, no foul. Natural one on the grapple.. Let's see if it sticks in his skin. Okay. It's free. No harm, no foul. Natural one on the grapple.

Okay. Okay. Automatic fail. But let's see if we can just kill him outright with the damage. Sticks it in. It's 66 plus 12, just the damage. That's 30. And that's without the giant bonus damage, which is an additional 2d6, which is another

11. So 41 points of damage on this crit. With all powers. Is this his first attack or second attack? Second attack. He sticks the spear straight through the hill giant and comes out the other side and kills it. Yeah!

Unlaw the barbarian. Awesome. He still has one attack left, but he does not need it. And you move to get into this range here. I took a five-foot step, yeah. So, end of round three. Oh, no. All of a

sudden, a couple things are going to happen. It's Nestor's turn. Alright, Nest, what do you got? Alright. Three giants down. One hill giant. Excuse me. Two ogres down.

One hill giant down. You have a hill giant and a frost giant to go. Okay. All right. Sorry. I'm going to take a five-foot step back, and I'm going to concentrate on this hill giant here since he's in the way. Smart.

So I'm going to take my full attack. First attack with the many shots. That's a hit. Hit. Yeah. Grant, I wish you could get your fucking dice box. Oh, my God. Sorry. That's a crowded dice box over there. Sorry, I got very angry get your fucking dice box. Oh my god. That's a crowded dice box.

Tensions are high in the GCP. It's like a drunk driver blaming the sober driver for being on the road at the same time. Or like Sir Will blaming Della for his own downfall. It's getting hot here in GCP Studios. 42 points of damage. And you killed the giant. Awesome. Okay, great.

Holy shit. So many shot kills the hill giant, and it falls, and now standing behind it is a 15-foot tall frost giant. Okay. Boom! The last one standing in the room.

I'm going to take my second full attack bonus. Attack. 26. 26 is a bonus. Attack. 26. 26 is a hit. It no longer gets that partial cover that the hill giant provided because the hill giant is bleeding out. 18 points of damage.

And then my final attack. That's 20. That's a miss. 20 is a miss. Hill Giant 1, dead. Hill Giant 2, dead. Baron Ashpeak, after you, it is the Frost Giant's turn.

As I've said many times before, and I'll say again, what do you do? Baron looks at the frost giant and says, I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people. But you happen to be a giant, so prepare to die. Nice. Ooh, that is a... Ooh, wait. So he... How far away is he? This is against normal AC. Nice. Ooh, that is a... Oh, wait. So he... How far away is he?

This is against normal AC. Yeah, so this is rough. Nope. Oh, 25 feet. So I can take a 5-foot step in. I'm drawing a diagonal right now. You can see on the map. Sure, just don't re-roll those die you already rolled. Okay, yep. It stays at a 7. Which...

5-foot step puts you 20 feet away Yeah you're good So that is an 18 against touch AC That is a hit 17 points of damage Nice job Second attack

Not a misfire but a 15 against touch AC And why is it a misfire? It was close to a misfire A 3 is a misfire It but a 15 against touch AC. And why isn't a misfire? It was close to a misfire? A three is a misfire. Roll a four. You rolled a four. It is a 14 against touch AC. What was the damage on the second one?

14. I'm sorry. 14 damage. Okay. Third attack. I'm so excited. I don't want a misfire. You're all pumped up.

That's a hit. Ooh. 19 points of damage. Okay. Final attack. Final attack. Good round, Baron. Good round.

That's another hit. Hoping to put the hill giant between. It's like 17 points of damage. Okay. Final attack. Good round, Baron. Good round. This guy was hoping to put the hill giant between... It's like 17 points of damage. Seriously. Rattle it off to a drop. I mean, I lost track. My hero lab didn't, but that was a lot of damage. That round cost four gold. It did.

Okay. Okay. The frost giant steps up past the body of its dead hill giant and attempts to sunder Jolter. Oh, what? No. Improved sunder will not provoke. I looked this up beforehand.

Of course you did. Jolter. This you looked up. Jolter, I mean, a normal range projectile weapon is a hardness of 5. But Jolter, I believe, is a plus 1 shocking shortbow, right? Yeah. So those two plus 1 enhancements add 2 to the hardness for each one. So that's hardness 9.

Normally it has 5 hit points, but those two enhancements give it 10 per enhancement to a hit point total of 25. Hardness 9, hit points 25. A successful Sunder means that every point of damage you subtract from the hardness. And then if it's below, let's deal with it when we get to that. Alright.

It goes to Sunder. Cannot charge, we'll say, because the body is in the way. So it's just going to be a straight up greataxe to old Jolta. This is going to be against your CMD 34. Yeah, that's a hit. Oh no, Lavalley. All right, so I roll the damage.

You subtract nine from it. If the hit points go below half, Jolta is broken. If the hit points go to half, Jolter is broken. If the hit points go to zero, Jolter is destroyed. Destroyed. Twenty-one points of damage. Minus nine. So that's twelve.

Minus twenty-five puts it at thirteen. Minus 25. Puts it at 13. Just above broken. Not broken. Just above broken. So this guy just comes off. Boom! Hits Jolter in splinters of wood.

Maybe a little bit of electricity. Just go flying. And now he is face to face. Five feet away from both. Well, he's ten feet away from Nestor and Baron. Della, you're up. Della's going to hold. Della holds her action.

Sir Will. I wasn't expecting Della to hold. I was trying to give you the spotlight there, buddy. Okay. Sir Will. I wasn't expecting Della to hold. I was trying to give you the spotlight there, buddy. Okay. Sir Will is... What are you gonna do? I am you. I'm gonna make you work.

Because I don't even know. I am going to charge. I am going to... I'm scared. Yes. He is going to say, You forgot about me! You forgot about the little man in the back!

And he's going to enact a challenge to the Frost Giant, his Cavalier Challenge. And then he is going to charge off this table at the Frost Giant. charge off this table at the Frost Giant. Okay. So he's going to have Lexington leap off the table and then just, like, drive the lance into the back of this Frost Giant from the air and then probably go prone. Oh, my God. And permadie.

But I think it's going to be amazing! All right. Oh, shit. Now, does Lexington's movement speed... All you're worried about is Lexington's movement speed, right? You don't use your movement speed at all. Okay. speed. All you're worried about is Lexington's movement speed, right? You don't use your movement speed

at all. So Lexington, I'm going to say it's going to be a DC 13 acrobatics check for Lexington to land safely. And then you've got to make sure you can stay in the saddle. Okay, so if we do a DC 13 acrobatics check, you're saying

I can jump by him, stab him, and land safely. Yep, DC 13. Okay. You literally have nothing in your way. Tell me I can jump by him, stab him, and land safely. Yep, DC 13. Okay. Because you literally have nothing in your way. Tell me that there's a better game than Pathfinder. Here we go. DC 13 acrobatics.

18. All right. Makes it. So Lexington, right now, if this is happening in real time, Lexington is flying through the air. Flying through the air. For Highbury! Roll the air. For Highbury! Roll to hit. And he's gonna try to land this

Highbury Lance. Natty 18, 35 to hit. That is a hit. Oh, beautiful baby. And he does 25 points of damage. Yeah, there you go. Alright. Roll to stay in the saddle, you fuck. Crazy Ross giant.

I'm not sure what the DC is on this. This is crazy. Bleeding bullet holes as you go by. Just four bullet wounds. This is crazy. You want to call a DC for the stay in the saddle? What is it normally to stay in the saddle for regular stuff? It's like DC 20, I would say. It's pretty reasonable.

Give me a DC 20. For something that crazy? Yeah, I mean, this is pretty wild. Failed! At a plus 13! So you fall off and take five points of damage on the fall, and you're prone away from Lexington. Okay.

I would say Lexington probably kept going, but your lance got stuck in the Frost Giant So I'm going to say you fall right next to the Frost Giant That's awful What about my You clearly don't understand about inertia But you went to acting school The lance stuck in him

And Lexington just kept going Yeah, no, I got it You don't It is now Umlo's turn. Umlo... Dello will act. Dello will act. Magic missile defrost time. There we go. Oh, smart, Dello.

Smart. I love that sound. Oh my god. Max damage. Max damage! So that's 12 plus... 15 points of damage. Yeah. Oh, my God. Max damage. Max damage. So that's 12 plus 15 points of damage. Yeah. 15 points of damage. I will say right now, Umlo has a chance to take it out.

Umlo's got a chance? Umlo's got a chance. You're telling me? Umlo's got a chance. So you're saying there's a chance. Thank you, Graham. Great hold spell there, Della. Actually, you know what, Della?

I'm going to give you a bottle cap for that. That was really good use of magic missile there. Waiting, biding your time, picking it off. Nice. If only I had cheated and gave myself an extra missile. Take it back. He is the world's greatest cheater. Umlo does not have a charge option, but he could get up there.

He certainly does have a charge option. Oh, yes, because of the size of the creature. And because he has 15-foot reach. That's right. So Umlo, knowing that it's all on the line and his friends have him surrounded, is going to rage and charge all at the same time. He's going to rage and charge. And let's see what he gets here.

Oh, I like this. Okay, here we go. That's going to be a little closer. 22 to hit. 22 to hit. That's with your bonuses? That's with all bonuses applied. That is a miss.

Yes. 22 misses. And that was his only attack, right? Yeah, because it was a charge yeah Nester face to face 10 feet away what do you do alright so he takes a 5 foot step back

give me a full explanation of this so like yeah so the axe like boom like slams into Jolte and sparks fly off like bits of wood. And it says, you fucker.

I love this thing. And just starts to take his full attack. Take his full attack on him. Many shot. First one, natural 19. That's a hit. 34 points of damage. And I think literally everyone contributed to the death of the Frost Giant.

Yeah! Except Umla. And the Frost Giant dies. Yeah! Nice. Nice. Nice job, guys. Awesome.

Nice work. Della, well, seeing Umla raging and very, is going to jump off the table, front flip off the table, run down and quickly cast Cure Light Wounds on him. Awesome. Three points of healing. Will he die if he comes out of his rage? No, no, he's good. He's fine.

Nice. And by fine, I mean, you know, we can't just go waltzing into another combat here without a lot of healing. So I'm glad we have a lot available to us. All right. We're having fun. Wow. We're having fun.

What a combat. Literally, I am clicking the fatigued condition for Umlo, and I felt fatigued. It's not like you haven't fought giants before but something just i don't know the frost giant added to the mix it's a very high cr just having the frost giant in there but you have these you know raging ogres two big hill giants which are just their hit point machines well it kind of made me think of the fight of the hope spring where the the cave giant is coming towards us. It's far enough away where we know it's

way out of our league. We have to try to chip away at it while we deal with everything else that's happening. It's just coming, coming, coming. What is that game like Galaga? You want to try and clear out the front lines as much as possible before the spaceship comes down? Yeah, you see it coming. I'm sorry, that's Space Invaders.

I'm sorry, incorrect. They're both kind of the same. Yeah, you're right. Good job. Great job. The dust settles. Blood all over the place. Pulls himself up off the ground. Looks around to see if anybody saw that.

Looks over at Lexington. It's just like, Lexington, what were you doing? We had this all planned out. Lexington looks at him, and he's just like, You are an idiot. Lexington speaks? No, it's what you can see in his eyes.

Right. It's a very expressive brow. Della will look over at Nestor and say, Your little weapon took a bit of a beating there, Coyne. Yeah, no, she's not looking too well at the moment. Want me to take a look? Yeah, do you have to touch it? I do.

Yeah, all right. I know you've been wanting to. Your hand's a little... I don't know what that means. So she'll cast Mending a couple times until it's up to full HP. Awesome. And then secretly she'll also cast Arcane Mark and leave her little signature right on the bottom.

Ah! Nice. This bow by Della. Made in the Shadow Plane. Oh, thank you. See, is it that hard to be helpful? See, it's satisfying, isn't it? And he takes it. Nestor always gets the last word. Always.

Until he dies. Right. That was dark. It's a dark game. What do you guys want to do? There is an enormous room. I already told you at the beginning how many doors you've got here. I mean, you've got bodies.

Talk to me. We truly have no means of healing, correct? There's always infernal healing. Della, could I trouble you for a little cure-light wounds? This is my only cure-light wounds.

Now, do you want me to give it to you or to Amlo? Hmm. That's a very good question. Amlo, your thoughts? I'd like it. No No wait, that wasn't it I'd like it No Damn it Scottish, mate

Scottish is hard in short bursts I'd like it There it is There we go Alright, so Della will go over and Give me the healing I and Will shall heal Umlo Do it!

No! Three points of healing I rolled a natural two on both of those Oh man So the wands are spent They're gone Wands are gone So we gotta

We have to search this place for wands and potions Yep I can offer Baron will say I can offer a little bit of celestial healing To those who are Uninclined to the demonic or devilish Sir Will is like

Please, Umlo Do Umlo first Will is like, please, Umlo. Do Umlo first, Baron. I'll always do Umlo first. Weird. Max healing for nine points of healing. Woo! Nicely done. Stick with the good, guys.

Nicely done. Good will give you max healing. That was the good side of Del. That was the side that still believes in dance and art. Yeah. Whatever happened to dancing, Del? Minimum healing. It was such a simpler time back then. Yeah, she doesn't even do the...

She used to love to dance. We did kind of embarrass her for dancing at a funeral inappropriately. Also, ever since she saw Lorik with no feet it just feels in poor taste. She's kind of rubbing it in. You should do a handstand while you dance. Dance like no feet are watching.

So let's check out these bodies. Let's look through these barrels. Let's look at all this room. See if there's any wands. Maybe they're cooking a stew of cure light wands. Let's start with the bodies. Yes. The ogres each have potions of cure moderate.

Oh. Boom shakalaka. There we go. The two hill giants each have potions of cure moderate. Oh! Boom shakalaka. There we go. The two hill giants each have potions of cure light. All right. So two of each. Right? There were two ogres and two hill giants?

Yep, two of each. And the frost giant has a potion of cure serious. Oh, damn! The ogres and the hill giants have non-magical great clubs and the hill giants are wearing actually the hill giants and the ogres are wearing non-magical hide armor

however the frost giant appears to be wearing magical armor spellcraft time do you want a touch of law do you have good spellcraft where I can just auto you there touch of law that gives you have good spellcraft where I can just auto you there? You gave me a touch of law. That gives me an 11.

So 22 spellcraft. It is a plus two chain shirt. Nothing too fancy. Gets the job done. But it's giant size. It is large size. It's got to be worth a lot on the giantish Craigslist.

You've got a door. You've got this whole room that goes all the way to what you would assume would be the exit. There are two rows of these raft-sized tables. One, two, three tables. And then at the far end of the room, it spreads out, and there's two smaller tables that leave an opening for you to get out the door. Six alcoves.

Three to the north, three to the south with these cook fires. One of the cook fires was thrown at you. On the northern alcoves there are two doors between those alcoves and then right directly across from where you came in are two sets of doors and then of course there's a set of doors leading back around you would assume either into a closet or the cathedral. While everyone's looking around, Nestor walks up to the frost giant lying there prone. And with his boot, just starts stomping on its jaw, like on its face. It's like, chomp, chomp, chomp.

Until one of its teeth pop out. He's stomping on it, and bits of skin, maybe some ice, are chipping off, and then finally his tooth pops out. And the tooth goes rattling off, and he picks up and grabs it. I don't think I've ever thought one of these big blue buggies before. Like a little memento, and he puts it in his little belt pouch. And the tooth is the size of an eraser. I thought you were gonna pull it out

so that you could have it to replace your missing tooth no I'd look ridiculous take one huge tooth in the middle I thought you'd put it I thought

I thought you'd put it sideways no I'd look like a fucking jackalope if I put one of these things in my mouth mate I thought you'd put it sideways and file it down

no it's silly it's silly you're being very silly that's how I feel after the combat I'm certain. Should we check out these closets? Well,

Matt. Yeah. Yeah. Let's check out those tiny closets. Pantries, if you will. First, Sir Will is going to take Lexington and do a lap of the entire room.

Perception check, just to see if there's anything hiding under any tables or anything of interest under the tables. Just a quick pass. All right. Give me a perception as you roll around. Percepts! Just...

14. 14. You don't sense any other creatures. Alright. You come back around. Should we start with the room or rooms to the furthest west on the map yeah northwest

yes yes I agree Della northwest from where you guys walked in directly across from you is a set of double doors it's basically one just to the left to the west as Della said and then one that's a little bit farther right but both sets of doors are north of you so you want to do the westernmost set.

Tell me how you're approaching. Listen at the door. Okay. Roll perception. Baron don't know. Fifteen. You don't hear anything. Della, open the door Della Opens The door

To reveal A pantry Oh yes Dude we're gonna get so much paprika out of this Della But That's not the most interesting thing you see in the room. Because as Della opens the door,

she just sees a pair of legs. And she turns her head and looks up 14 feet. What? At a female giant with red hair pulled back in a ponytail, shaved sides of her head. Badass. Looks like a cross between a stone giant and a fire giant. It's like nothing you've ever seen.

And she sees you, Della, and says, help! Help! We'll see you next week. It's time to save a giant finally I think she wants help from us Outro Music