The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 109 - I Bleed I Can Fly

Episode Date: June 27, 2017

Deep within the Dark Passage, a painted cave comes to life and devastates the party on all fronts! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. This is a lovely room of death. The heroes are swarmed from all sides. Five attacks. Remember when the Gureon was shitty? Not anymore! But all is not what it seems. Roll a will save.

I had a feeling this was coming. And when the party finds itself in dire straits... 20 points of damage. 23 points of damage. 9 points of bleed on 25 points of damage. Oh my god. And their attack's useless. No!

Matthew, you're... Will they stay to save one another? How much further do I have to go until I get to another cavern? Or will they flee? You knew the day would come. Nester would just take off. You want to keep going? Today's the day. The adventure continues What? Now. Yo, what is up, GCP Nation?

It is your old friend Joe here to say good morning to you. Or good afternoon, I suppose. Or good evening to those of you that are listening to this at nighttime. Whatever is appropriate for you. Time is relative, man. It's not something that I could just make a universal law about to explain for all of us, for all of you, wherever you are now, the now now. Speaking of concepts that will tie your brain into a knot, episode 109 of the GCP promises to push the very limits of your imagination and of our knowledge of Pathfinder rules.

But before we get to it, I would like to tell you a quick story, if you'll indulge me for a second. A few weeks ago, the mixing board that we use for the show, the one that I purchased two and a half years ago when we first started this idea of putting the GCP together, well, a few weeks ago, it had, like so many characters on this show, succumbed to the rigors of the Giant Slayer adventure path and died. Without the backing that we now have through our listeners through Patreon, there is no way that we would have been able to turn right around in that same week and get a brand new mixing board. an even better one, actually, that will be used not only for the GCP, but also for some audio projects that are currently in the works that shall remain nameless. Once again, we owe you guys a big thank you for helping us make this show a reality.

You truly do contribute even more than you know. I also want to remind you that there are several GCP fan events happening nationwide in the coming month, like this Saturday, for example. July 1st, the first of these events is going to kick off in Lexington, Kentucky, or as I pronounce it, Lexington. The day includes gaming, eating, drinking, being merry, and all of the things that you would expect in a proper GCP nation hang. We have sent some gifts from the GCP down to the event for giveaways, and we can't thank Eric Clark enough for organizing this entire event. And just for all the time and energy he has put into spreading the GCP love in Kentucky. If you are near Lexington, a few hundred miles, 500 miles, 1,000 miles, I mean, you know that humans have mastered the mechanics of flight, right?

You can just get on a plane and go to Lexington and have an amazing time this Saturday and meet some awesome new people. Also in the coming month are events in Portland, Oregon, Boston, Massachusetts, home of Howie the Green Sting Scorpion, little known fact, and Greensboro, North Carolina. All of those are happening on July 15th. Plus, Honolulu, Hawaii is happening on July 29th. If you are near any of these places and want to join in on the fun, just log on to Eventbrite.com and search for the Glass Cannon podcast. You'll find all the information that you need. Lastly, a quick disclaimer before I introduce the episode. I am a terrible, terrible singer.

Welcome to the cave of madness. This is episode 109. I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. Spread my wings and fly away. I believe I can soar. I see me running through that open door. This is so embarrassing. Here we are back again for another episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. If you're just joining us for the first time, I'm Troy LaVallee.

I'm here with Mr. Skidmar, Mr. Joe O'Brien, Mr. Matthew Capitacasa, Mr. Grant Berger, and an old friend, my neon green D20. Oh! Mother fucker! Look at it! Don't touch it, Skid! I never did! Look at it.

I never did! There she is. Oh my god. So, two weeks without this. What the fuck? Two weeks without this. What the fuck? I think now would be the perfect time for someone to come clean.

Joe, would you like to? I thought you were going to say, now is the perfect time for me to apologize to all of you for being an asshole. No, I would never do that. Do you want to say what you did? I did not do anything. You know what you did. I did. Why don't you just tell me?

I don't even know where you found it. Two weeks I've been looking for this thing and combing over my apartment, which I've mentioned in the past. This is not a huge apartment. It doesn't take that long to look through it. I looked under that couch no less than five times. And then three or four days ago, I went under there, flashlight in hand, and there it was way, way in the back under the couch. Now, I know what you're thinking. You just rolled a natural 20.

As I'm talking, just boom, 20. Got that one out under the couch. Now, I know what you're thinking. You just rolled a natural 20. As I'm talking, just boom, 20. Got that one out of the way. Now, I know what you're thinking. Well, Troy, obviously the cats must have jumped up on your desk, which they never do, knocked it off, which they would never do.

Literally have seen your cats on the desk, by the way, but go ahead. Batted around the room, and then it would have to get the place where it was under the couch. Only a human could have taken it

and thrown it under there. Joe, now is the time to come. Please don't be funny anymore. Unless it was under the couch, only a human could have taken it and thrown it under there. Joe, now is the time to come. Please don't be funny anymore. Unless it was Matthew. Or Grant. You don't let me in your house. It sounds to me like you have no proof. I couldn't have put it there.

Sounds to me as if you don't have any case whatsoever. I walked past you on the street the other day and you didn't even recognize me. I did. I just had my own thing going on and I couldn't stop and talk. I'll tell you on the street the other day, and you didn't even recognize me. I did. I just had my own thing going on, and I couldn't stop and talk. I'll tell you what. It doesn't smell like kitty litter, but it does smell like cheese steaks and whiskey. So you be the judge. I'm just glad it's back.

I am not. People were very mad on the Twitter and the subred. On the Twitter? They were like, why would somebody do that? That is not cool. Everyone who came up to me on the reading was like, where's the D20? We know you don't have it. Wink, wink, wink, wink.

Yeah, you're a very big suspect. I didn't vote for you in the poll, though. I voted for Joe, and I still to this day believe it was Joe. We got offers for ransom for the D20. Yeah, someone literally wrote in and said, hey. I will give you money if you send it to me. Just send me the die. Whoever has it, I will give you money if you send it to me. Just send me the die. Whoever has it,

I will send you money in exchange. That's a true fan. I don't have it. None of us fucking have it. That's a true fan who really cares about our characters.

They just want them to survive. Yeah. It's so beautiful. I'm so glad it's back. Look at the way the light catches it. It shines right through the 20. I hate you so much.

I hate you. All right. I hate you so much. All right. Enough chit-chat. Wait. Oh, wait, Matthew. We have an emergency. Yeah, this needs to be handled. Please, Matthew. We have a serious emergency because here we are in this cavern.

I imagine terrible shit is about to go down. And who is playing Baron? Daniel Day-Lewis has retired. Oh, you're right. Retired from acting, Baron. Oh, my God. Who are we looking at? I am exactly as angry as the time Joe got a battle cap

for pointing out one of my skills. That was exactly what I was going to do to start this fucking podcast, Matthew. I'm very concerned. God fucking damn it, you thespian piece of shit. Yes, I was going to start the podcast by saying, guys, don't worry. Daniel Day-Lewis, still a working actor, playing Baron.

I was going to say, maybe like in season three, where they just replace someone. I think that's what we have to do. It's like the two... I Dream of Jeannie had two... What are they called? Darrens. Two Darrens.

Or Roseanne. Dick York and Dick Sargent. That's right. Two Dicks. I'm going to need you to recast him by next week. Oh, my God. With another Daniel. The recast.

Another actor whose first name is Daniel. I was going to say he could be played by Common, who is in every movie now. John Wick 2, Suicide Squad. No one will ever notice. Just don't say anything. Seamless. Seamless transition. He's got a big beard. No one will ever notice. Just don't say anything. Seamless. Seamless transition. He's got a big beard.

No one will notice. He's a great actor. Playing the role of Baron in this matinee. Common. He's really trying to stretch his chops off Broadway. I wonder if Giant Slayer would ever work as a theatrical experience. Matthew, your thoughts? No. That would as a theatrical experience. Matthew, your thoughts? No. That would be a fun—

No one would ever believe you are as vindictive as you are. That's true. I'm the boss at the end of the musical version of this. Okay. All right. It's early. Spider-Man turned on the dark. Oh, yeah.

That was bad. Just stuntmen getting killed and injured every week. There were a lot of deaths. Yeah. Speaking of a lot of deaths, welcome to the cavern of death. You guys polished off that last fight pretty easily. Obviously there were some pit traps.

People were upset about the pit traps online. It doesn't even hurt them anymore. I'm like, yeah, they're 8th level characters. They should be prepared to survive falls. What did you say, Matthew? We're 9th level now. Oh, 9th level, yeah. But you'm like, yeah, they're eighth-level characters. They should be prepared to survive falls. What did you say, Matthew? We're ninth-level now is what I said. Oh, ninth-level, yeah. But you were like, yeah, one of our characters died from a fall.

Of course we would have been like... All of us reacted accordingly. How dare they prepare themselves? It's like if your friend's house burns down, you're going to go out and get some fire insurance for your house. So you walk into this... Like a first-level spell. So you walk into this First level spell Into this cavern and you see

Pictographs And images all over the walls Another vaulted ceiling It's still dark but you guys have You've got your potion of darkvision still cooking Rose light is still lit You have your armor on now You are no longer naked Sir Will

You are no longer an earth elemental Umlo out of rage You come into this room and Umlo and Nestor start working on the floor because they notice there's a thick sediment covering the floor. And there's some lines. And there's lines underneath just bisecting the whole room. But at the same time, there are four images of places, two of which you recognize. One being the cave where you found Jogreth which you recognize. One being the cave where you found

Jogrethir's horn. One being the chapel where you found the fire geodes. The chapel, what was the person's name? Adoromi. Adoromi. The second coming of Adoromi. So we'll call it that.

That was the Wyvern? Or the Drake, I mean. No, that was the chapel where you fought the Venus flytrap. Oh, the Geode. Yeah, so we'll call it Adiromi's Chapel. Okay. So Baron goes over to inspect the tapestry, or not tapestry, the painting of a pictograph of Jogger Thyr's cave. Della goes down to look at one of the two that you don't quite recognize,

seeing if she can determine where the clay is in all of this. Sir Will does the same and notices some small religious iconography on this other one, we'll say. It goes down to the—you guys don't really know. Now you've been going through this cave for so long, you can't tell which way is north, south, east, or west. And then there's another one on the top of the cavern, which is the fire – well, that's the fire geodes one. What did I say? That's Della. Nestor didn't walk up to him. Right.

So no one walked up to the one with the fire geodes. Like, we got that one. Baron went to Jogger Thir. Della went to what she thought had to do with the clay. And Sir Will went to the one that may be connected to Rosak, whereas Amlo and Nestor are in the middle of the room. So these little murals, these tapestries, are 10 foot wide, and how tall are they? It looks like on the map, the way you drew them.

Oh, I just kind of drew them mainly to show where they are. Are they very large? They're pretty, no, they're not like floor to ceiling, but they're pretty intricate. We'll say that they're seven feet wide and seven feet high. And we're all within one inch of them. We're inspecting them very, very closely. Very, very closely. Okay, all right.

And then in addition to those pictographs are pictures of animals. I think I said there was an elephant. I listened back and you said, an animal that is very familiar to you, but you don't know what it is. Well, I figured that like, Umlo wasn't there on the Chellish Devil when you guys fought it. But you've been hanging out with him for so long, you must have been like, yeah, it was like, imagine a gorilla with four arms. This thing sucked, by the way. And so I'm almost like, where have I heard about a gorilla with four arms? It's the Goryon!

Comes off the wall. So let's just put the Goryon out there. One of the images just comes to life straight off the wall. Oh, right behind us. Remember that guy? Yeah, I know that. Bacara, right? Bacara, the horror of the Mwangi Expanse. The horror.

This combat has given me conniptions just trying to prepare for it. I'm excited and nervous. Bear with me because this is one of those ones that has a million things going on. But as they say in Pathfinder, roll for initiative.

Roll for initiative! Oh, yeah! Roll, ricka, roll, ricka, roll, ricka, roll, ricka, roll for initiative! Perfect. All right! Here we go. Hey, who's playing Umlo today?

I'm playing Umlo this week. Grant's Umlo. Grant's Umlo. Grant's always been Umlo. Always has been. All right. Fair enough. Speaking of Umlo, what did he roll for Anish?

Umlo rolled an eight. Eight. Oh, okay. He was too busy staring at the lines in the floor. Nestor. Eleven for Nestor. Oh, all right. So we were both really caught lines in the floor. Nestor. Eleven for Nestor. So we were both really caught up in the floor. Right, just really pushing away the silt.

Baron. Baron rolled 22. 22 for Baron. Always quick on the draw. Sir Will. 21. And Della. Also a 22.

What's your mod? I think Baron's got you. Baron's got me. Unless you want to roll it off. Also a 22. Oh, what's your mod? I think Baron's got you. Baron's got me. Unless you want to roll it off. No, no. It's a roll off. Oh, man. Now, one of the last things I said

was that as Baron, Della, and Sir Will start to look at the paintings, they lose themselves in them. I want to take you back to a classic piece of American cinema known as Ghostbusters 2. Oh, no. Do you remember when –

Viggo the Carpathian? Yes, when he's staring at the painting and just kind of loses himself and then all of a sudden Viggo is like on him. What's that actor's name? Peter McNichol. Peter McNichol, yes. It's that kind of moment except there's no Viggo and it's not coming into you. But roll a will save. I had a feeling this was coming.

I had a feeling. Nope, just the three that were inspecting the paintings. Baron is so dead. Sir Will also died. Okay, so we got two fails. Della? Eleven, unless an 11 passes. 11 is a fail.

25. Della. She's seen stuff like this before. I got a 14. Sir Will has a 14. Oh, DC 15. No! Sir Will and Baron, to start off this combat, are fascinated.

First time I roll a natural 19 on initiative in like 90 episodes. That's not that bad. Fascinated. Oh, fascinated? You just can't do anything. Stand or sit quietly, taking no actions other than to pay attention to the fascinating effect for as long as the effect lasts. Oh, boy.

You take a minus four on skill checks for reactions. That's cool. I like it because it kind of makes sense because he's definitely interested in what this is, and now he's just being magically drawn into it. And the other cool thing is allies can shake you out of it. They can, like, throw a glass of water. Wake up!

As a standard action, an ally can shake you out of it. But just to start things off, you guys are fascinated. Here we go! Oh, boy. Round one. I am excited and frightened. It is Baron's turn, but he is fascinated. Just staring at this geography.

Dear drool coming out of his mouth. I'll never know my family. I'll never know my family. I'll never know my family. And now... He's fascinated. He's not a vegetable. Why make the rules, see? Why am I thinking about my family and not the painting? That makes no sense.

I just wanted to make you sad. Alright, so off of the wall, the image of the Grianne becomes multidimensional and makes its way towards Nestor and Umlo. Oh, boy. Does old Ums get an attack of opportunity? Not when he's flat-footed. Oh, you're right. Acting last.

Flat-footed, man. He's flat-footed. Check it and see. You lost your bonus. To your AC. I haven't acted, so I don't get my decks. I'm flat footed. Flat footed.

I do what you have in mind. Attacking me from behind. You get sneak damage, too. No! Joe had to reach over. from behind. Did you get sneak damage too? No! Joe had to reach over. Skin was so absorbed in his performance. My live drop.

It comes charging at Nestor and goes to bite him. Oh, I don't know. 18 flat footed. I think, yes, that hits. Alright, so it just comes up with, it's only one attack as it had to move into the space, and you take six points of damage. Oh, that's all. Well, I'm already

down. I'm already down 21. So, that's... Oh, forgot about that. And then, in a very strange situation, the painting off the wall starts moving as well. Oh painting off the wall starts moving as well. On the floor.

Two-dimensional space. And moves directly under Umlo. Oh, shit. No wonder this combat was exhausting you. You gotta remind us to trip acid before you do things like this, Troy. This is crazy. I think you left a tab right there.

As the image... So the Gureon... Basically, imagine like this. The Gureon comes off the wall in three dimensions and attacks. But the image of the Gureon is still there. Now the image itself starts moving. Moves under Umlo. And Umlo feels like he's being pricked with a thousand pins all over his body.

And he takes three points of regular damage. And on his turn, he'll take six points of bleed damage. What? So we don't, like, he didn't, it's just like the image comes underneath him and he just feels pain. The image comes underneath him, I rolled my attack roll, rolled like a 26, and just pins and needles all over his body. Like this two-dimensional painting has entered your body and pricked you from the inside out. Three points of regular damage, six points of bleed that will tick on Umlo's turn. On the other side of the room.

Oh no. Close to, let's see, where is this one? Oh boy. turn. On the other side of the room. Close to, let's see, where is this one? Oh boy. Behind Nestor and Umlo, a woolly rhinoceros comes off the wall and goes

to trample Nestor. This is a lovely room of death. Oh my god. So with a trample Nestor, you have a room of death. Oh, my God. So with a trample, Nestor, you have a couple of options. You can't take your attack of opportunity because you're flat-footed. I can't take it anyway because I don't have snapshot. Right. Oh, that's right, with a ranged weapon.

If you forego the attack of opportunity, you can attempt to avoid the trampling creature and receive a reflex save to take half of the damage. The way trampling works, it's basically like overrun. So it's going to come over you, and you can either try to attack it, or you just have to roll the reflex save to try and mitigate the damage. So roll your reflex. And I get this regardless of whether I'm flat-footed or not? I believe so.

Okay. 17. Oh, dear. Oh, dear! Fuck that die. Just give me nothing but agita, this fucking thing. It tramples you for 25 points of damage. Oh, my God!

Oh, I'm in bad shape. Tramples Nestor. And then the image itself comes off and goes under Nestor and will attack. Wait, wait, wait, wait. The first one that came off the wall was the Grian. The Grian. Okay. And now the image of the – so the rhinoceros becomes three-dimensional and attacks and tramples Nestor.

And now the image of the rhinoceros becomes three-dimensional and attacks and tramples Nestor. And then this one, the image comes off, hits Nestor. And just, again, lying under Nestor doing pins and needle. That pins and needle feeling three points of damage. And it's going to be nine points of bleed on Nestor's turn. Wait, how much damage? Three regular. And then on your turn, they'll take nine bleed. And remember, bleed, while it does not stack,

will tick every round. Now it is Della's turn. Della, things are bad. So Della's going to whirl around, and I think she would have to roll Perception to see if she sees what's going on with Baron and Sir Will, right? Yeah, absolutely. Well, she just heard a rhino, like, charging.

So she whirls around towards the sound. Yeah, we were also were also like very badly injured yeah you would have heard ah right so that's what I'm saying no no he's trying to see if she knows that we're out of the combat

oh oh right so like she would roll around and see the rhinoceros and the gorion but I want to see if she notices what's happening

with Sir Will and Baron roll perception uh that's good 28 so you whirl you whirl around and it's shocking to you that Baron and Sir Will, with all that noise, are still just staring at the painting. And you felt the pull of something when you were staring as well, but you were able to stand against it.

So I'm sure you can intuit that there's something with these paintings, and being close to them was bad. Okay. So I think Della strategically thinks, oh, my God, there's so many things happening. She's going to rush over to Baron and knock him on the head with the hilt of her scimitar. Ah, nice. And spend a swift action to Keen and shock him. Nice. Alright, so my head? Shake him out. Or the scimitar.

Baron takes six points. What do you want? Okay, so Della, you use your action to wake Baron up, Keen and shock your scimitar. And I would like to roll a knowledge check on the things on the floor. The things on the floor, the two-dimensional things. All right, that is going to be knowledge, I believe, dungeoneering. Aberration?

Yep. 25. Oh, sorry, that was me. It's time for my next juice. Oh, my. That's staying in the episode. That's staying in. Time for your juice.

All right, everybody, stop. Matthew's got to drink his juice. I wasn't going to say anything. Get Matthew's bottle. He gets really cranky if he doesn't get it at exactly whatever time this is. All right, so 25, Matthew? Get the medium flow nipples. 25 on the knowledge check. All right, that's really good.

I'm going to be able to give you some good intel. This thing, whatever it is, it's immune to, like, all the things you'd think it'd be immune to. Bleed, critical hits, disease, paralysis, poison, precision damage, stunning. And the only other thing I will tell you from there... Is it immune to physical damage? You just don't know. You don't know that. But you do know that it is intrinsically tied to the three-dimensional image as well. Ah, okay.

There is a... They agree on the... They probably share a health pool. Right, like, it is... They are one. They're all one. They are, like, yeah, connected in some way. That's what I'll tell you.

Okay. Sir Will. Sir Will, you are fascinated by this painting. Hey, listen, you follow Shailen. You love good art. Yeah, truly. So I just take the round off? That's fascinating.

You're just fascinated. I don't get another save each round or anything? No, unfortunately, I'm sorry. You have lost that opportunity. You're not sorry. You're right, I'm not. And I'm also not sorry from what I'm about to do, because next to Sir Will, I'm surprised you went and'm also not sorry from what I'm about to do, because next to Sir Will,

I'm surprised you went and looked at that painting that you did look at, because right near you was something far, far more interesting than a lover of all things beauty. I'm surprised you didn't look at this large image, which now comes off the wall to attack you. Oh, my God. It is an animal known as a you. Oh my god. It is an animal known as a bullet. Oh wow!

What? Oh wow. That is the biggest this is like Cyclops outside of Cinnamon's Fortune Size. Joe should get a chance, a roll, to break his fascination now that he's threatened by a creature. That is true. I believe once it attacks you, you

are out of your fascination. So, not true. So, it doesn't matter anyway. So, not true. Sorry. Any potential threat, such as a hostile creature approaching, allows the fascinated creature a new saving throw against the fascinated effect. However, this fascinated effect only lasts one round anyways,

and your turn already passed. Is Lexington also fascinated? Oh, I didn't roll for Lexington. Good question. Yeah, give Lexington a roll. Let's find out. Yes, he's also fascinated. Yeah, wolves love art.

They just can't look away. Lexington is a very high-functioning wolf. So this bullet goes to bite Sir Will, natural one. Yeah! It does have multiple attacks. goes to bite Sir Will. Natural one. Yeah! Woo! It does have multiple attacks. I'll try to see if it confirms. No fumble, just a miss,

which is probably just as good. However, Sir Will, the image of the bullet goes underneath you, and you start to feel pins and needles. Does he start to feel it, or does Lexington start to feel it? Oh, it's Lexington. Good call, Nestor Marr. You adopted him, Skid?

Yep. Wow. All right, so this thing goes to touch you, Lexington. 18 against touch AC. That's a miss. That's a miss? That's a miss? Yeah. What?

Wow. Really? He has a 22 dexterity. All right. Oh, I'm sorry. 18 against touch? Yeah. Just hit him.

Just hit him. Just hit him. All right. Lexington takes one point of regular damage and just rotate. Just roll it on his turn. Okay. That way we don it on his turn. Okay. That way we don't forget these numbers. Okay.

Good call. Damn it, I've got to go again. Okay, so now. So, welcome to the Troy Show. So many moving pieces. I would just, if I was running this, I would just skip this. This is way too much work for Dan. All right.

Next to Baron and Della. Jesus. An elephant comes off the wall. Oh, wow. And it's really, really large. Get a picture of this. We've got to get a picture of this. This is unbelievable. Terrible.

And it goes to, oh, I don't know, Gordella. Here comes the gore. Al know, Gore Della. Here comes the Gore. Al Gore. 26 Dells. Yep. It gores Della. Oh, excuse me. Della, you've already acted now.

Okay. So, I need you to roll a will save, Della. Fail. Fail. Natural two. Gores you for 20 points of damage. Ouch! Oh, I think I know what's happening here. Y! Oh, I think I know what's happening here.

Yowza! I think I know what's going on. And then the thing comes off the wall and tries to touch Baron, the image of the elephant. Yeah, we have to get out of here. Like, at least off the images and moving. Natural one. Yeah! There we go.

And it only has one attack in this case, so it is a fumble. What kind of attack is it? It's a touch. Okay. Let's go to the fumble table, because it only has one attack. Let's go to the fumble table! Hey! Fumble, fumble,

fumble table. It is a two-dimensional amorphous thing, but let's see if it applies. What do you need me to roll? I need you to roll a d20. Okay, cool. Let me just make sure I can wipe the sweat off my hands because this combat is giving me a headache. A d20. I rolled a 10.

A 10. A gentleman's 10. This comes from... Wait a second. This is so weird. This comes from Michael in Arizona. Banana peel. You slip and slide 2D4 squares in a random direction.

Roll a DA to determine the direction. If you pass through threatened squares, you take attacks of opportunity as normal. And you can technically slide up the wall again. Yeah, I guess what I'll say for argument's sake so that the fumble actually happens, it goes to touch Baron and goes straight past him. We'll say. So he's a good 30 feet away from Baron. And when I say he,

I mean this two-dimensional image. Alright. Everybody feeling good? Alright, so it is Nestor's turn. This is where you take your bleed damage if you haven't already taken 9 points of bleed damage Are we in the second round now? Nope, we're still in round 1

I didn't realize Nestor was so low This is going to be a humdinger So Nestor, you are up Nestor, roll a will save Fail Oh no! Okay, You may act What?

Just curious Just wondering what all that will say Is he fucking with me now? Is that what your game is? Alright so On one side Nestor is flanked By a woolly rhinoceros

And a gureon Underneath him Is this image Just stabbing him With pins and needles It's actually called an Ocherus Touch. Oh, boy.

And you have to take bleed damage, too? Yeah, I already did. Oh, my gosh. That's the highest bleed damage I've ever seen. Oh, it's going to get worse. Well, not for long, because he'll be dead. Yeah, it's not... I won't have to deal with it for long. That's the good thing. Making it worse?

Oh, man. I love clerics. Great to have a channel positive energy right now. It sure would. I'm going... All I can do is just full withdraw in the direction of the opposite exit to the cave.

The unexplored cave? That's all I could do. Yeah, totally. So, Matthew, if you wouldn't mind just moving me that way. You knew the day would come when Nestor would just take off.

You want to keep going? Today's the day. No, no. I don't want to go all the way into the cave, but I want to get like a... Well, if I get within the cave, maybe that'll keep me

from getting... I want to get around a corner a little bit so I don't get charged. And then that's all I can do. We'll say there's a rock outcropping or whatnot. Okay. Just know how many feet you are back there. That'll be important for coming back.

Like 30 feet away. All right. Umlo, roll a will save. Oh. Don't make Umlo do this. Before you roll, let me ask you this. What are you thinking about doing for Umlo, roll a will save. Oh, don't make Umlo do this. Before you roll, let me ask you this. What are you thinking about doing for Umlo? Well, it's really tough because Umlo has to have 15 feet distance between him and his enemy to attack.

And I imagine the Gareon has reach and sweet attacks of opportunity, and I'm close to death. Do you just want to sling your own throat? Yeah, I'm going to chop off my arm and throw it at Baron. Just kidding. We'll roll off. I'm sure. Roll a wheel stick. Ooh.

There you go. 20. 20. All right, so, Umlo, as these things come at you, you notice... Disbelieve. ...that these,

the Gareon and the Woolly Rhinoxorus, the three-dimensional ones, not the floor images, they look like transparent images superimposed on vague, shadowy forms. These are shadows of things, not real things. So now that Umlo knows

this, he will do more damage to them and take less damage from them. But as long as you think that they're real, they can kill you. It's like being in the Matrix. So that's a good place for Umlo to be. And Umlo did not get

hit by the touch, right? Or did he? No, he took six points of bleed damage, which I'll take now. So he's down to 32 hit points. And he's going to go ahead and shimmy away so he can attack 15 feet away at the Goryon. Okay, so that will provoke from the Goryon or no?

You tell me. Yeah, you're only 10 feet away here. Yeah, that'll provoke. All right, so the Goryon's going to whip out with his claw. 15, that's going to be a miss. Sure is. All right. We go UMS.

All right, that's hopefully a hit. 24 to hit. Alright, so Umlo goes to hit the Goryon. Hits! Nice. So that's 19 points of damage. 19 points of damage. Yeah.

Okay. Your forearms are not a lick of sense. Get out of here, Goryon. You said 19, right? Yes, sir. Okay. All right, so you strike out at it,

and it just, maybe it's because it's shadowy or not. Like, you did some sort of damage, but it doesn't appear to have hurt it. But you definitely know you've done some sort of damage. Find out what that means, Cannonfather. Finally, an hour and a half later, round two. And we have Baron.

Baron Roller will sit. Disbelieve it! Baron Inquisiton. That's a 12. No! Would Umlo have shouted something? Well, I don't know. It's its own power, you know what I mean, of knowledge.

What I'll do is, like, now I'm going to let Umlo disbelieve all of them rather than roll these checks all the time. It's a pain in the ass. But Baron has to figure this out. So, Baron, you feel like you're going to die. That's all you think. Baron's going to... You give up.

You decide to give up. You lay down your gun. Baron's going to go get Grant's backup character. Right. Smart, smart, smart. No, he's going to fire at this mammoth. What else does he know what to do? Fire at the mammoth. Oh, yeah. That's a hit.

14 points of damage. Second attack. 23. Is that a hit? That is a hit. 15 points of damage. Third attack. 23. Is that a hit? That is a hit. 15 points of damage. Third attack. Maybe a miss. Nine.

Touch AC. That is a miss. Very close to a misfire. Oh, yeah. Woo! Okay. Okay. Very interesting.

I feel like I'm slowly getting handle on this. By round seven, I feel like I'm slowly getting a handle on this. By round seven, I feel like I'm really going to feel good about this combat. Episode 111. What's going to be nice is that a couple of you are going to go down soon, so then it's just a lot less math for me. All right. It's time for a Gareon full attack. Oh, shit.

Nope. No, he stepped away. Oh, he stepped away. Ah, okay. So shit. Nope. No, he stepped away. Oh, he stepped away. Ah, okay. So that's awesome. No, no. He's still five foot step. He can do it. He's got reach, right? He has ten foot reach.

Let's see what the Gureon's reach is. Wait for it. It's ten feet. Alright, so the Gureon will have the image go underneath Amlo and that's going to attack him and now the Gureon is going to have the image go underneath Amlo, and that's going to attack him. And now the Gureon is going to do this. Goodbye, Amlo.

Five attacks. Remember when the Gureon was shitty? Not anymore! All right, first it will do a bite. Natural one! Oh, no! Gureon! Its legacy continues. It's a legacy. It continues.

It's Bacara! Oh, now I recognize it. I think he confirmed the fumble. Oh, my God! I rolled a four on the confirm. It is the Korean Ola again! Okay. Come on.

So, same thing. Roll a d20. Four. Four. Okay. Oh, wow. Holy crap. Oh, shit. This one comes in.

This is Ryan from Georgia who writes in with a fumble called Paper Cut. You fall unconscious for one round. No save? Yes. Reflex save. So I don't know. He maybe hit himself, possibly. The DC is Umlo's AC.

20. Reflex save. Failed. Yes! Yes! I can't believe it. The career! It's a shadow.

It can't fall unconscious. I love this thing. All right, it goes unconscious. It's just like, ugh, for one round. Why not? That literally just saved Umlo's life. This stupid gorilla. I'm never putting a gorilla in a combat again.

Thank God for that narcoleptic forearm gorilla. All right, the touch on Umlo is going to be 17 against touch AC for Um's. That is a hit. All right, so that is going to be three points of damage, and I'll roll your bleed when it gets to Umlo. So that's bleed on top of the other existing bleed. Well, this is what's going to happen. So that three damage, that's straight up damage.

That's pins and needles damage. And then every round I'm going to roll 2 So that three damage, that's straight up damage. That spins a needle damage. And then every round I'm going to roll 2d6 bleed. Okay. Wow. Jesus. Okay, the other painting, we'll say, starts following Nestor down the hallway. While the woolly rhinoceros... What does the woolly rhinoceros want to do here?

I guess he'll go to trample. I'm low. You know what? Nah. Let's do a gore. Let's do a gore on old ums. 18. Yes. Excuse me. With the charge. Oh, I didn't have 10 feet. So no. 18 to hit. That is

a miss. What a shitty rhinoceros. M-I-S-S miss. Would he have gotten an attack of opportunity? No, you didn't have 10 feet. Yeah, I couldn ostrich. M-I-S-S miss. Would he have gotten an attack of opportunity? No, you didn't have 10 feet. So it was a 5 foot. Yeah, I couldn't charge. It was really just a 5 foot gore. Um, okay. Tipper gore here. And it is now

Della's turn. Ah, okay. Uh, Della is gonna roll acrobatics to try to get away from the elephant. Have you rolled your will save yet? Yeah, last turn. Okay, so you still think it's real. But I know they're connected to the painting. Right, that's what you know. I don't think you get another one.

Yeah, it says any creature that interacts with the spell can make a will save to recognize its true nature. You failed that save. So, yeah, you think this thing is real. I think it's real, but I also know it's connected to the painting, and Della, and seeing Baron just shoot it two times, is going to roll acrobatics to try to get away on a move action and attack

the painting. Ah, okay. It should be three squares, so that's half my movement. Right? Is it quarter speed or half speed? Half speed. Half speed for acrobatics. Okay, so this is an acrobatics check. 25. So you're avoiding theics. Great. Okay. So this is an acrobatics check. 25.

So you're avoiding the elephant. Yeah. It gores you. All right. Woo! So as you're running away, it goes to the gore. You know why I'm not rolling well? I don't have a lot of space to roll here.

Let me just really explore the room. Oh, yeah. That'll be a hit. 32. Yeah. Oh, man. It gores Della for 23 points of damage. Jesus.

Jeez, man. Okay. And she's for 23 points of damage. Jeez, man. Okay, and she's going to... Wait, and a gore is not like an attack that has to... Doesn't a gore have to have a charge to it? Doesn't it have to have 10 feet? No, it's like a bite, basically. Got it. Okay, Della is going to swing down at the painting with her flaming, shocking, hee, skimmy, skimmy.

Get it! Get it, Della! Ooh. Yeah. Critical threat. Get out Della! Critical threat. Get out of here! Critical threat! Confirm it! To confirm?

Does not confirm. Shut that shit up. Truncated. Okay. So it's just going to be 3d6 plus 4. 3d6, just 3d6 plus 4. 14. 14 points of 4 14 14 points of damage 14 points of damage

okay and remember it was it's immune to crits but that still would have been crazy damage oh right 14 points of damage okay

you look like you affected it you definitely affected it and it took it like my does it did it look like it took the damage from the shocking

and the flaming or the or does that kind of roll perception um Did it look like it took the damage from the shocking and the flaming? Or does that kind of roll perception? You can roll perception. Fail. 14. Yeah. You know you hit it.

You know you heard it. You don't know how badly you heard it. Great. It didn't cry out in pain. Sir Will, you are awake and facing a bullet, which is bullet 40 times the size of you. Roll for Lexington's bleed damage. Lexington's bleed. Seven points of bleed damage for

Sir Lexington. Sir Will, turning and assessing the situation here is going to... He's too close to the enormous bullet creature to charge him, so he's going to... He's too close to the enormous bullet creature to charge him, so he's going to just turn and provoke and do

a ride-by-charge with Roselight past the rhino. Ah, so you're going to try and... So you will provoke from the bullet. Correct. Alright, the bullet goes to bite you and misses. Yes! It will! He's too fast.

LaValley. All right, so you are attacking with rose light, not your lance. Correct. Attacking with... Is it because you're metagaming and you know that the lance isn't magical, or is it just because... No, it's because I had it out because of the light. Remember, it had light cast on it. You win this round, my brother.

There we go. That is a hit. And he does... Sorry. Oh, roll a will save. Two. Because now I interacted with it? Mm-hmm.

Okay. First, I'll roll damage real quick. Sure. That is... Nice. Nice. 13 points of damage. Okay, now roll the will save to see how much of that damage. Now the will save.

The sir will save. Fail. Oh, man. And I'm on. God. Oh, dear. Okay, so... Very well.

And that is your action. You are now... This is insane! Look at this room! Thank goodness the Grian fell unconscious. Oh, no, it's my turn again. I was having fun just reacting. All right, the elephant.

Let's talk about the elephant in the room, guys. The elephant is going to go after Baron. It is going... Does it have enough room to charge? It does. Well, no. Yeah, you're right. It only has five feet. Okay. Yeah, its reach is ten, so it's just going to take a five-foot step and do gore

slam on Baron. First, the gore. Oh, natty nineteen. Almost a crit. Gore's Baron for... And Baron, you failed your will save, right? 15 points of damage. And then goes to Slam Baron, 25. Slams Baron for 17 points of damage.

Oh, wow. Gore, slam! And the painting that flew past Baron will attempt to go under Della and touch Della with the pins and needles. 22 Dells. Yep. Three points of damage. For now. And now it's the bullet's turn.

I really thought you guys were going to pass some of these will saves. None. Only I'm actually surprised. It's so bad. I really thought you guys were going to pass some of these will saves. None. One person. I'm actually surprised that we're so bad. I know. It's very, very, very bad. I'm actually surprised that we don't get a will save every time we get attacked by or attack one. No.

I mean, you're setting the condition. It's like either you believe it or you don't. Right. Either you believe it or you don't. Don't worry. People will hate the way that I decided to do this, but that's the magic of the GM. All right. The bullet is going to do something super cool.

It's called... Killing Umlaut. It's called Leap. Oh, my God. A bullet can perform a special kind of pounce attack by jumping into combat. a special kind of pounce attack by jumping into combat. When a bullet charges, it can make a DC 20 acrobatics check to jump

into the air and land next to its enemies. If it makes the acrobatics check, it can follow up with four claw attacks against foes in reach. Yep. But guys, to be fair, if I do that, I can't make my bite attack. Oh, so sorry.

I know. I'm nerfing myself. So the bullet will attempt to jump next to Umlo. Now, Umlo disbelieves, right? Yes. Umlo does not believe. He's the only one who does. Yeah. That is very, very important.

So I'll tell you right now. Let's lift the curtain. Pull down my pants for a second. Lift the curtain. Oh, God. Sorry. Watch my eye. Ammo is only going to take one-fifth the amount of damage.

One-fifth. Wow. Wow. Wow. All right. So it will attempt a DC 20 acrobatics check. I have a plus 13 to acrobatics. So seven or higher, I make this leap.

Okay. Oh! Neon green can go to hell. Natural one. What happened to it under that couch? Ah, I knew you touched it, O'Brien. Who needs fingerprints when I got the evidence right there? So all

it can do now is just a lowly bite. It can confirm a fumble. It's an acrobat. That was the acrobat. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. So now it just charges to bite, and it bites Amlo for four points of damage instead of 20.

20. That's better. So you rolled a 20? Four points of damage. It is better. I agree. For us. The image of the... Oh my lord, look at this thing. The image of the... I don't think it can move far enough. Yeah, so the image is just going to start double moving. The image of the... Oh my lord, look at this thing. The image of the... I don't think it can move far enough. Yeah, so the image is just going to start double moving. The image of the bullet.

The image of the bullet. This game is so insane. Alright, Nester Coin. Just run back to Freedom Town. How much further do I have to go until I get to another cavern down the hallway that I started down? So you got your potion of darkvision.

You don't see anything in the distance. But I go another 30 feet. Okay. Away from the combat. Away from the combat. And then I will uncork my potion of cure Cure Moderate Wounds and drink it. Oh, nice. 16 points of healing.

I have to actually consult the other map because I never thought someone would run away. Well, I go as far up to 30 feet without endangering myself. Yep, so you go and you're fine. You don't see another cavern. You don't see another opening. You're just safe down there. Another Goryon. Yeah, another Goryon.

Yet. And did you take bleed? Oh, you still take bleed damage. So now Nestor takes... Oh, no. Wait, do I take it at the start of my turn or at the end of my turn? The start of your turn.

Okay. 11 points of bleed damage. Okay. 2d6. But then once you take that potion, the bleed is done. It's done, right. Okay. Eleven points of bleed damage. Okay. 2d6. But then once you take that potion, the bleed is done. It's done, right. Okay, cool. Oh yeah, so that, you took it, but then you cure it.

The bleed. You stop the bleeding. Stop the bleeding! Yep. Oh wait! No, I don't. Because I'm unconscious. I don't get a chance if I, because I had seven hit points left. If I take eleven points of bleed. You pull out the potion. I pull out the potion And I like

I pass out Like as I'm trying to open it up And we don't know He passed out And he's bleeding And you don't even get to run away No He's around

No I didn't get to run away either So I'm like right at the mouth Oh so that's But I saw him behind her He was behind her arm Yeah Oh my But maybe we can see like his arm or something

Sir Willock has a view into the cave We'll see Wow How many feet did we say he was down the hall? He didn't get that far Oh my gosh. But maybe we can see like his arm or something. Sir Willock kind of has a view into the cave. We'll see. Wow. How many feet did we say he was down the hall? He didn't get that far because at the beginning of his turn he took it further. He was about five to seven feet. Last turn he only went five to seven feet. He kind of ducked into the cavern.

So if you're just following along at home, Nestor bolted down the thing. In the next six seconds bled out and is now unconscious and bleeding to his death 2d6 per round oh jesus and his con is still down oh no you took the rest no I took but it's

I could very very easily die next turn meanwhile a painting is following him following him down the road oh so messed up oh my god

and it's Amlo's turn Amlo you take more bleed damage Amlo takes six points of bleed damage. Still standing. I'm still standing. Still standing. Now it's Umlo's turn.

Okay, so he's going to take a little diagonal step. And I don't care who I threaten from. I'm going to take it because I want to get another shot at this Gureon I've heard so much about. Even if he's a shadowy Gurion. He's unconscious. I know. That's why I want to stab him while he's unconscious, because he's going to wake up next round. Coup de Gras. Oh, okay. Coup de Gras.

Yeah, do a five-foot step. Oh, that's right. And Coup de Gras. Five-foot step, go to Coup de Gras. And he disbelieves it. It's an automatic crit. But can you do a five-foot step if you have to do a four-round action? Yeah. But can you do a five-foot step if you have to do a four-round action? Yeah, you can always do a five-foot step. It's the only thing you can do in a four-round, I think.

Yeah. All right, so automatic crit. So roll damage. I will never get to play with a gorilla. Maybe you shouldn't, though. I think it might be immoral. It's true. So that's 15 points.

That's the crit? Oh, times three. Oh, wow. I mean, he's dead. Like, there's no... There's complications because of the painting. Oh, right, because it's not a regular flesh and blood creature. Oh, wait, it's immune to critical hits.

No, the painting is, not the Goryon. Oh, okay. Okay. 35. 35. So it's a DC 45 fortitude save. Okay, so this is what happened. So you take a five-foot step with heart spit.

You just stab down at the Goryon, and the painting that's controlling it, the one that was chasing Nestor down the hallway, absorbs the hit. You destroy the painting, and the Grianne disappears as well. Oh, wow. Nice work. That's how it's done. Wow. That was huge.

Baron was right. When controlled by an idiot, these things aren't that difficult. What was the total damage again? 35 I can't believe that Gareon fumbled again On its first full round attack Amazing Round three

What's the state of affairs here? The elephant is in pretty great shape Della did screw up the painting A little bit that was hurting the elephant. So that's good. But she still disbelieves. Umlo is the only one. No, I believe.

I believe, my friend. Umlo is the only one that knows these things for what they are. Baron, what are you going to do? Did Baron notice? I mean, he's seeing this painting attack Della. Is he noticing a connection between them? Is that something? Because I don't want to have Baron just start shooting the painting for fun. Right, right, right.

He might have seen Della attack the painting. Right. You definitely saw Della attack the painting. How would it work shooting something on the ground underneath my friend? Just don't roll a natural one. Do I get a reflex save to jump up?

Oh, just hot potato! Hot potato! Hot potato! Dance, Della, dance! You said Hot potato, hot potato, hot potato. Dance, Stella, dance. You said you're a dancer, dance. All right. And then he's inspired with courage. Becomes even more accurate. That's a mighty fine dance. That felt great.

This is the hardest way possible to get a bard and bardic performance in the game, like shooting at someone's feet. All right, so Baron's going to go whole ham on this painting. On the painting. I think Matthew's juice alarm is going to go whole ham on this painting. On the painting. I think Matthew's juice alarm is going off again. Hold on, hold on.

How many juices are you drinking? I didn't drink the last one because we're still playing. You just snoozed it during the episode? Well, I could take another half an hour. Found the title of the episode, Snooze Juice. I don't know that you want to put snooze in the title of an episode podcast it kind of connects to what happened to nester yeah because this is a really boring combat yeah come check out our latest episode snooze

it's great for marketing yeah that at the top of the episode list so first attack misfire oh no no god oh no

that stupid gun wait does that mean I get hit was it a one no not a natural one no it's not a fumble but it means he can't

do his full attack action that's it yeah and I can't quick clear either oh god do you have any grit left He can't do his full attack action. That's it. Yeah, and I can't quick clear either. Do you have any grit left? Oh, I can do it as a move action. Yeah, I have grit left.

Okay. Oh, but you also took an attack of opportunity from the elephant. Oh, yeah. For firing. Yep. Can he take a five-foot step? Yes, but then he can't quick clear the weapon. Okay, I'll do the five-foot step. Five-foot step, avoid the attack of opportunity, but your move action is taken.

Yep, so I'll have to clear it next round. God damn. Oh, no, wait. Oh, by the way, Baron's now played by Daniel Craig. Oh, nice! Oh, awesome! Nice get. Oh, no, you know what?

He can do it. You can do it. It's a move equivalent action. That's correct. That's correct. You can't take a move action that is movement. That's right. That's right.

Let me spend that grit. Spend that grit! Snooze juice! me spend that grit. Spend that grit. My gun is clear for the incredible number of attacks of opportunity I'm going to take with my gun. Perfect. All right. Is that the end of your turn? That is the end of Baron as played by Daniel Craig's turn. I'm so excited to be working with Daniel Craig now.

Get ready for a little bit of a layer cake. All right. The woolly rhinoceros. Alright, the image controlling the woolly. He is a terrific actor. He really is. And those sharp blue eyes. God. Baron just got ripped. Alright, the image. Oh, did Baron

Does Baron take bleed damage, by the way? No, because you fumbled against me, remember? That's right. Alright, so the image controlling the woolly rhinoceros goes after Sir Will to touch Sir Will. Touch. Oh, 12 against touch. Excuse me, against Lexington. That's a fail. Miss.

All right. So Lexington will live another round. And then the woolly. Let's get woolly. My hero lab. My iPad's just going to start smoking. My hero lab. My iPad's just going to start smoking. Oh, God. All right.

He's going to... Run some coolant through that thing. The one thing... Liquid nitrogen up in here, man. The one thing that I made an error on is with Trample... I'm sure it was only one thing. It was only one thing as far as I'm concerned. Is with trample, you actually fall to the ground.

So when it trampled Nestor, he should have been down on the ground. But that's already happened. Things are so much better for him now. Did you poison his hooves? Did you remember? Harm no foul. I can't trample Umlo because you're only five feet away. But he will attack Umlo with a gore.

18. That is a big old miss on him. It's going to be real weird when it's a TPK except for Umlo. I know. And he's the last man standing. We probably deserve it, really. After we've treated him? The way we've treated him.

Come on, man. He's never going to get out of here alive. Side effects of snooze juice include karma. Alright, Della, you're up. Della's going to take a five-foot step. Or does she need to? Can she attack the painting?

Sure, why not? Strike straight down. Well, I'm going to take the five-foot step so I don't get attacked. I'm going to roll concentration. Do I need to roll concentration? Does it threaten me? I'm going to cast a steps so I don't get attacked. Okay. I'm going to roll concentration. Do I need to roll concentration? Does it threaten me? I'm going to cast a spell. It does threaten you. Okay, great.

Wait, does it have to be under her to threaten her? It doesn't threaten five feet away, right? It has to be under her. Yeah. She moves. She moves. I don't think it can attack her if she's not on it. It doesn't have any reach.

Yeah. I mean, I guess the rule of threatening is you threaten five feet around you, but this one has to actually be on your space. Right, right. So I'm going to rule that you're fine. Okay, great. Did you see how he took the power back for himself at the end of that? Yeah.

I will rule. That's really just to avoid the hate mail. Shocking grasp, full attack action. Yes, kill this painting. First attack. Kill this painting. No! Matthew, you won! Painting. No! No! Matthew, you win!

Natural 1. But to confirm, I have multiple attacks now. 14. Fan Fumble! Fan Fumble! Fan Fumble! Yes, another d20, please. Is this the fourth fumble! Fan fumble! Yes, another D20, please. Is this the fourth fumble?

Six. Okay, you've got a third fan fumble of the day. This one, I haven't read it yet. Here we go. Oh, God. Oh, my God. This is from Jeff in Durham, North Carolina, who writes in, and you have to do this in Howie's voice. Sorry, bro.

Troy? Sorry, bro. Troy? Sorry, bro. Your attack misses its target, and a swing is made towards an adjacent ally within threatened range for normal damage. There's no one. There's no one. So Baron, yeah, she just stepped away from Baron. So you're in the clear on that.

You're actually real lucky then. Okay. Sorry, bro. Sorry, bro. First regular attack. First regular attack. Sorry, bro. There we go.

22 to hit. 22 is a hit. Yes, kill this baby! Do you have an app? I need 8d6. 8d6. Here's 3. No, 9d6. Here's 3. Here's 2. Wait, I'm 8th level. Oh, d6. Sorry.

I'm 8th level, plus... It's actually 11d6, plus 4. Oh my god. Oh my god. Pause for a minute. You know they make computers for this. Yes, that's why I was asked. This is why they make computers.

All right. You guys would never make it in a Warhammer game, because this is light. Ooh, there's some goodies in there. Troy, does he get to re-roll any ones? Is that the rule? Yep, that's the rule. Exploding dice. It's definitely not the rule.

It's a pretty good roll, man. 32 points, uh, 36 points of damage. Whoa, yeah! 36 points of damage. I will tell you right now, Matthew, that these paintings take only half damage from magical attacks. So, half of 36. 18. 18.

Oh! 18 hit points left. So that painting just appears, and so does the elephant. Yeah! A glimmer! Della! A glimmer of hope! Well done, Della.

And Della will shout out across the room, Take the paintings! Take the paintings! Okay Well done, Del. And Della will shout out across the room, Take the paintings! Take the paintings! Okay, okay, okay. All right, calm down, everyone. Della, do you take bleed damage? Yes, I do. 1d6, not 2d6.

Why 1d6? Because I only got hit by the painting once, right? But there are always 2d6. Oh, I thought that was stacking. Yeah, the bleed doesn't stack. So you take 10 points of bleed damage, Della. Ten points of bleed! And now it's Sir...

Della is in bad shape. Sir Will's turn. Let me just roll Lexington's bleed damage. He didn't get hit. Yeah, he never got hit. But two rounds ago he did. Once you're hit... Oh, okay, yep, yep, got it.

Eight points of bleed for Lex. Eight points of bleed. Sir Will, you've got a living cave painting under you. Oh, my God. What do you do? All right, Sir Will, hearing Del... Oh, no, this is just so stupid. Like, do I dismount and attack the painting?

And do, like, two points of damage to it? What are you gonna do? Oh, my God. Huh. Yeah, I mean, he's just... Because he doesn't know any better He's going to do what Delos says Thinking that these creatures Can't be hurt like the paintings can

He's going to attempt a fast dismount With a ride check DC 20 ride check Which he fails So he uses a move action To get off of Lexington and then he just takes Rose Light

for the rose and the night and just stabs it into the ground and do I have to roll a two hit or for the oh yeah

I don't know what the AC is that's a 25 and I'm just trying to remember is this this is the one connected to the bullet I believe yes

because that one started running around. This is the rhinoceros one here. I think this is the woolly rhinoceros, because that's what you said before. Okay, so the bullet is the one that's on Umlo. It's a shame we didn't write a letter on these post-it notes. I'm pretty sure that is. All right, so you struck. What was your two hit?

My two hit was 25. 25. That is a hit. With a tiny little sword called Roselight, seven points of damage. Crazy little thing called Roselight. Is Roselight magical? Yes. Three points of damage. Yeah.

Wah, wah. All right. Back to me. All right, so the elephant's gone. He doesn't act. The painting with the elephant, also gone. The Goryon and that painting. We're just trying to help you out.

I appreciate it, guys. I really do. I was just going to try and take you out. It's a lot easier if you just take me out. So the Woolly Rhino and its painting, the bullet and its painting are still there. Everyone except Sir Will... Everyone except Sir Will is taking bleed damage right now.

Or Baron's not taking bleed. So Sir Will and Baron are currently not bleeding out. Nestor is unconscious and bleeding out. And it is the bullet's turn. Oh my god, I completely forgot to do it. Would you have let me do a perception check to see if I could see Nestor? Or was that... Yeah, I mean, it would

be questionable at best. Yeah. Okay. And it is the questionable at best. Yeah. Okay. And it is the bullet's turn. Let me do the painting under the bullet. The painting will move under Umlo and attempt to touch him. It is going to be a 16 against touch. Oh, you touched me. That was weird. That got weird.

That got weird, man. Is that a touch? Yeah. Yeah. Four points of damage. Okay. I'll get you the bleed soon. Don't worry. Okay. And now the bullet

is right up in Umlo's face there. Now the good thing is Umlo knows that it's not real. He knows that it is a mere shadow. So it's going to bite, claw, claw. First the bite. 23. That's a hit. Alright. So you would have taken 16

points of damage, but instead you're going to take three. Nice. What a difference it makes. Huge difference. All right, claw number one, hit. Claw number two, hit. So it's going to be two points of damage and two points of damage. The only thing keeping Amlo alive.

He would have been 100% dead if he had not... Umloh's a skeptic. Umloh had 15 points left on that 16 hit. Meanwhile, down the hallway of the dark passage lies Nestor Coyne.

He's come a long way. This is so messed up. He is unconscious, lying in a pool of his own blood. Skid, talk to me about where you're at for HP. So I'm at minus four. Con? My con is 12. Con is 12.

And does the bleed overtake the one point of bleed damage? Does it take the place of the one point of bleed damage? I don't think so, because it it's not technically. So I'm down to minus five. Minus five. Essentially minus five. And you're going to take 2d6 bleed. My heart's pounding. I'm so scared.

Five points of bleed damage. Okay. What was that? What does that leave you at? Minus 11? I'm at minus 10. So if someone doesn't save Nestor this round, he dies. Yes. A 2 and a 3. Because he takes three points next round.

Yeah. This sucks. A 2 and a 3 on the die for 2d6. Five points of bleed. Everybody's so far away from him. And he can't cry out because he's unconscious. I don't... I think I'm dead because I don't think anyone can get to me.

I can't get to you without casting a spell. I'm dead. What about that shadow walk thing? I can shadow walk to you. Oh! If I see you, I can do it. Oh, yeah. We're in darkness.

Okay. Line of sight. You have line of sight. If I can see you. And you're not darkness. Okay. Line of sight. You have line of sight. If I can see you. And you're not behind a rock. Well, maybe his fingers are... Never mind. Grant's right.

I'm dead. Grant's right. Thanks, Grant. Thanks, Grant. Wow. Maybe his bow jolter just fell out from behind the rock. I mean, I would think after Della killed the painting and looked up to see around, she would have noticed that Nestor was gone.

Yeah. So there is this seed of suspicion. Like, where did he go? You saw Nestor get hurt and run down there. So you would intuit that he went to try and heal himself. But why is he not back? He has never abandoned you yet. So you're also face-to-face with certain deaths. So it's going to be very interesting to see how this all turns out.

Umlo. Did I do... Yeah, that was Nestor. Oh, God. Now you've got to give Umlo's bleed damage if it's Umlo's turn. That's right. Thanks, buddy. Oh, if this had been Nestor, dead zone.

Nine points of bleed. Umlo lies unconscious. Oh, no! Oh, no! Come on! It was our only hope! Oh, boy. Umlo, unconscious. Oh, no! Oh, no! He was our only hope! Oh, boy. I'm low.

Unconcho. What does he have for negative? Negative one. And he takes full damage from the bleed? Yeah. Okay. So I take the one point of regular... I won't take that until next time, the unconscious one.

But this time I'm going to take... Luckily, you've got such a sturdy constitution. Yeah. Four... Round four. I'm like, four. Round four. Wait, what's my bleed damage? I just told you.

How much was it? You don't take it until next round. No, wait. What are you talking about? I'm talking about the bleed damage from the paintings that Umlo's currently undergoing. I just gave it to you that put him unconscious. That's what put him unconscious? Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought that was an attack from an animal. I apologize. No, no, no. It's Umlo's turn. I just rolled the bleed and knocked him out. I apologize. Oh, God, man. If the bleed ticked at the end of the turn, you would have got your attacks and then the bleed, but start of the turn.

It is going to be round four, and it's going to be Baron. Look at the battlefield here. Baron and Jaller are near the entrance to where you guys came in, right in front of the painting of Jogwrath here. In the middle of the room is an unconscious Umlo in front of a shadowy woolly rhinoceros and a billet. Also underneath Umlo is that painting! And then on the, we'll call it

the north side of the room is Sir Will and off of Lexington and underneath Lexington is the painting. Down the hallway, unbeknownst to some of you, is Nestor lying in a pool of his own blood. Baron, what are you doing? Wait, wait, wait. Jesus, would you stop interrupting me this episode, Matthew?

I don't know what's in those juices you're drinking, but they turned you into an asshole. Play your own character, Matthew. No, but hang on. Daniel Day-Lewis, listen to me. What are you thinking, Matthew? What are you thinking? My plan was to shadow walk over to Nestor if I pass my perception roll. Like, let's say I pass my perception roll, and I see he's dead or dying,

and I Shadow Walk over to him and administer a potion or cast Billet Wounds. You can't do both. Right. Shadow Walk is a standard action. Administering a potion is a full round action, right? Yes. Okay, but this is – so I just had an idea. Oh boy.

If Baron holds his action, I can cast Fly on Baron, and he can fly to Nestor and cast Pure Light Wounds. A flying gunman! He is an Inquisitor. Wow, does he have the distance to get over there? What does that give him for fly speed?

60 feet. Oh, he's got plenty of it. The crimson bullet. But you're going to have to pass a perception check to even know that Nestor is down there. And also tell me. Right, Nestor's down there. Hey, where's the knowledge? Go, Baron, go!

All right, Baron, it's up to you. Do you want to hold your air? Well, you know, as a sheriff... He's dying, Baron. No, no, no. Let me talk about it. Just get a few shots off. Nestor will be fine.

I think if I shoot the bullet, you know, it's right there. No, it's even though he's a scurrilous bastard, he's been my companion. And I uphold the law. And the law says that I shouldn't let a man die if I know he's going to die. So I'll hold my action. Baron holds his action, and it is says that I shouldn't let a man die if I know he's going to die, so I'll hold my action. Baron holds his action, and it is the rhinoceros' turn.

Did you forget that part of the equation? Now, the painting under the rhinoceros has taken Umlo down, and Umlo, by the way, could easily be dead next round. Right, so that's what I was planning on dealing with. Sir Willamette. Well, the painting

has done its damage to Umlo, so now it is going to come over and get under Baron. Okay. And attack you with a touch. 18 against touch, Baron. Sure, that's a hit.

Five points of damage on Baron. Just pins and eels. And now the R rhinoceros. I can't charge because of Umlo's body there. So he will just come up and gore. Attempt to gore Baron. Miss! Miss on the gore to Baron. Okay, so...

Wow. All right, so it is Della's turn, Baron is still holding Okay, so Della is going to use Mega's ability I've never used before, Spell Recall Because I already cast Fly today But I can spend a number of arcane pool points Equal to the spell's level to cast again As if it's prepared

So I'm spending three arcane pool points You haven't used arcane pool points? I've used arcane pool points, I haven't used arcane pull points? I've used arcane pull points. I haven't used spell recall. I understand, but how many do you have per day? Seven. Oh. Oh, wow.

I wish I had seven grip points today. Jesus Christ, what a broken club. I wish I had paladin powers. Maybe you shouldn't have forsaken your god. Maybe. So I'll use spell recall, cast fly on Baron. Oh, my God. Okay.

Spell Recall, Fly on Baron. Do you take bleed damage, Della? Oh, yeah, I do. It's a head on me. You take seven points of bleed damage. Della is also very, very in bad shape. And now Baron's going to take bleed damage as well. Let me just roll that.

Baron, you take a gentleman's four points of bleed damage as well. Let me just roll that. Baron, you take a gentleman's four points of bleed damage. I have to roll perception check. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm just so excited to make you all bleed! Well, this is enormously important.

So if you fail this perception check, it'll kill Nestor if he fails. Do you have a bottle cap? I do have a bottle cap. Oh, baby! Alright, what is this? You definitely brought this from home. It's from when you gave it to me for using what? It was burning hands or what it was in the Grog Hall. Magic missile in the Grog Hall?

Magic missile in the Grog Hall. You know what? Alright, now I'm happy about it. I'm glad that it's only being used for perception check. I have a plus 11 on perception. Only a perception? It's the most important perception of Nestor's life So right now Barrett's wondering why he's flying Why okay I think not only does he see him or not only does Della see him she heals him with her eyes

Stabilizes all right, So you absolutely see a foot that's lying on the ground. And you know you're experiencing bleed damage as well, so you're putting it all together. He's bleeding out. He ran off there to heal himself and the bleed damage is done, so you know he's unconscious. Or he ran away like a coward. You don't know that he's like...

With that perception, you'd know the truth. What? Alright, so you tell Baron. I'm like, Nestor is dying. Fly! And I cast Fly. And Baron says, it's too close for missiles. I'm switching to guns.

So Baron, the gunslinger inquisitor, flies over to Nestor. Now does. Takes an attack of opportunes. Yeah, it takes four points of bleed damage. From the rhino. The rhino takes an attack of opportunes. Yeah. It takes four points of bleed damage. From the rhino. The rhino goes to attack. Thirteen. Miss.

Oh, that's a miss. Miss. Misses, but you just take the four bleed. So, everyone is bleeding right now except Sir Will, I think. Yes. Every time. Sir Will. So, I make it there.

I land next to Nestor. I see this yellow belly who ran away from us like a coward down the hallway where no one was and he's going to roll Cure Light Wounds. Six points of magical healing. And that stops the bleed damage.

Most important. Are you conscious? No, I'm still unconscious. That's probably the safest place you could be. Now Della has 19 hit points, and she's standing next to a woolly rhinoceros and this painting, and she's already bleeding. Oh, my God.

This is so bad. This is bad. This is so bad. This is called combat. What is Umlo at? Grant? Umlo is at negative one. Negative one, and what's his con?

Like, crap. Ten, I think. And I'm rolling 2d6. So Umlo is most likely dead as well. Oh, and Umlo takes one point per round just for being unconscious. This is what we were talking about. Oh, yeah. Yep.

And he doesn't get a constitution save. Not on top of that other bleed. Because he has bleed. If you have bleed. You automatically fail your constitution checks. You don't even get a check. That's awful. Yeah, this is...

Like, if you have a gash that's bleeding out, bleeding out really, like, mechanically, it kills you. It just straight up kills you. I want to make a bleed-based character. But anyways, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let me finish killing you guys. You want to make a character that bleeds all the time? Yeah, that's his thing. You can make an oracle with a weeping sword.

He's a one-off. He's a damn fair. He drinks his own wounds. All right, Sir Will. Sir Willamette is going to move to Umlo and attempt to stabilize Umlo. Attempt to... Oh, okay.

And he wants to, if possible, he wants to kind of impose himself between Umlo and the giant... Billet. Basically, he wants to put his impose himself between Umlo and the giant... Billet. Basically, he wants to put his armored back to the billet and know that an attack is going to come. Okay. He just kind of winces, gets in front of, between Umlo and this creature. So this is a heal check?

Yes. Heal check? So I'm going to do a heal check to stabilize because I don't have magic. I don't have Lay on Hands anymore. DC 15 to stabilize. Do you have any bottle caps? I don't have any bottle caps. You don't have magic. I don't have Lay on Hands anymore. DC 15 to stabilize. Do you have any bottle caps? I don't have any bottle caps. You don't have a potion. I never get bottle caps. I do have a potion, which

I could maybe pull it out this round. He will die. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll pull out a potion. He will die. Oh, he will die? He will die. I mean, well, maybe not. It's 2d6. Oh, it's 9. Max 12. 9 on a 2d6 and he's permanent. Well, you wouldn't be able to anyway because it would be a full round action.

I could roll snake eyes. I don't tend to roll that well. Ever. All right, here we go. Heal check to stabilize the ums. This is big. Come on, Sir Willamette. 9.

Oh, my. God damn it. Are you kidding me? Are you? 9. This is my fun it. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I told you to put that away. This is my natural five from the charge on Kargik. And it was a five. Why are you still using that die?

I believe in it, Matthew. It has never worked out well for you. This is awful. So the only chance Elmo has for you to roll badly on the bleed. Yeah. That's what you're telling us. This is awful. So the only chance Elmo has for you to roll badly on the bleed. Yeah. Which you're telling us.

This really makes sense. Can I argue that the attempt maybe would give a negative to the bleed? Maybe it's 2d6 minus 2? We're just making up our own rules. Well, you know, I'm just pitching.

I'm pitching. Oh my god. And look at you next to this bullet. It's the bullet's turn. I want to get a picture of this I'm just imagining Sir Will getting hit by him Him just going like flying over

I mean I don't even know where to begin here There's only two paintings left Right, there's only two creatures But the problem is that we believe We all believe We know that we can kill the paintings But believe We know that we can kill the paintings But you do know that you can kill the paintings

Baron, I'll give you some good news The thing that I attacked you with That gave you the four points of bleed And the three points of regular damage That was actually wrong It's the thing that was on This is the bullet's painting So that couldn't have attacked you

Now it's the bullet's turn So give yourself seven hit points back. And I'm not bleeding? And you're not bleeding. That's the one that's on Lexington. It would attempt to touch Lexington natural two. So it doesn't touch

Lexington, but Lexington will continue to bleed. And Lexington takes... Oh, you know what? Actually, Lexington is going to also kind of close and attack the bullet. He wouldn't just stand there and take that damage. I'm basically going back

and the rhinoceros that I had... The painting that I had attacked Baron would have attacked him. So it missed, though. It missed, but you're still bleeding. So you take ten points of bleed. God! So but you're still bleeding. I'm still bleeding. So you take ten points of bleed. God.

So Lexington just bleeding out. Everyone is bleeding except Sir Will and Baron. And so, Lexington, you can do a bite attack on the bullet. Yeah, let me just do a quick reverse bite attack. Miss. Okay, so now it is the blessed turn. We'll have the painting of the bullet go under Della and attempt to touch Della. Della, how are you doing on HP?

I'm at 19. Natural 8. So let me see. For a touch attack, that is going to be 17 against touch. Yes. Damn it. Della, all right, so you take, right now you take 5 points of damage. And you'll bleed 2d6, continue to bleed 2d6 on your turn.

And now the bullet is going to attack Sir Will, who thinks it's the only person. And Sir Will knows it's coming. He's like wincing. He's like, ugh! Natty five. Natty five on the front. Let me see. Let me get the bullet up here.

So it's going to be an 18. That's a miss. All right. Clang! Claw number one, 21. Miss. Nice. Clang!

These are plus 12s to hit. All right. Claw number two, natural 20. Oh, no. No! Oh, no. To confirm. The on green is back.

20 to confirm. Does not confirm. All right, so not confirmed. Exploding dice. Exploding dice. Exploding dice. 2d6 plus 6. A 1 and a 3.

All right, okay. So 10 points of damage. Okay. Three attacks. Is it lethal or non-lethal? Ask you for a friend. It's lethal. You're actually not in bad shape.

You're the only one among us. Yeah, I've taken no real damage. Everyone else is almost dead. The real problem is these things need to take damage, and you can't deal the damage that they need. Correct. I'm just going to try to get people up that can deal damage somehow. This is insane. I told you we'd never have a combat like this.

All right, so it is going to be Nestor's turn. Nestor is still unconscious. But stable. But stable. But stable. Umlo's turn. Oh, but... And Umlo is...

Oh, wait a minute. Nestor... Oh, no, he doesn't take bleed. That's right. So Umlo's got to take bleed damage. First of all, he loses one hit point. And now he takes three points of bleed. I rolled a one

and a two! Look at this. One and a two. What does that leave him at? Negative five. Okay, so... The odds of him surviving that bleed were so low! A one and a two.

But now someone can dump a... I mean, Sir Will could conceivably dump a person. Yeah, now Will can do that. I can. He's the only one that doesn't believe. Right. Round five. It is the rhinoceros and the rhinoceros' painting turn.

It's not Baron? No, Baron moved to the other side. Oh, he held. All right, so... Why did you hold? So Della would die, is the reason. Alright, so the painting... We rolled to see if Lexington

knew if these were real or not, right? We did, and he failed. Okay, so the painting goes to touch Lexington. 21 against touch. That is a hit. Alright, so it hits Lexington for six points of damage. Okay.

And then the rhinoceros, my goodness here, is going to go after Della. It cannot charge. Five foot step. Luckily, the rhino can... It can't do the trample, so it's just one gore attack. You know, one gore attack that does 2d8 plus 13 damage. Oh, God!

Oh, my God. What's your AC? 20. 19. Plus 14 to hit, and I rolled a 5. Plus 14. Plus 14. That was a I rolled a 5. Plus 14. Plus 14.

That was a minimum of 15 points of damage. Oh, fucking kill this thing. Kill this thing. Baron, flying gunman. Wait, no. Are you still flying? It's Della's turn. Baron, move.

Oh, I'm sorry. Della, your turn. Okay. Hold the flying gun. I'm on top of which painting? You are on top of the rhinoceros painting. Okay. I'm going to take a five-foot step, shock and and grasp and do a full round attack action on the painting. Yes, kill his dick!

Yes, this is big. Don't roll a one. Don't roll a one. Oh, on the painting. I'm sorry. I thought you were attacking the rhinoceros. Mona Lisa. Okay, so first attack.

Come on, Dells. 90, 13, 23 to hit. That is a hit. Yes! Okay, so it's 11d6. Oh, all right. There you go. And you know, it's half damage, so you've got to make these count, Della.

Got to make these count. Oh, it's half damage. That's right. Not a bad roll. Oh, it's not bad. I see multiple fives and multiple sixes. Oh, wow. That was a good roll.

Holy shit. I can't believe it didn't kill her. 42 points of damage. Whoa! 42 points of damage, so 21 altogether? Yeah. 21. Dead.

Yes! It had 19 hit points left. Della just, like, bleeding out. So the painting goes, and so does the rhinoceros. All that's left is the billet and the painting, and so does the rhinoceros. All that's left is the bullet and the painting. And the bullet is... Actually, Della needs to take her bleed damage. Oh, the bleed.

The bleed. She can take... I think she'll survive, but she'll be at one hit point. I rolled another two and a one. I'm not even shitting you. Three points of bleed. Somebody's going to get effed because my bleed has been very low. Alright,

Della, you still have... You moved to get into position? I took a five step and did a full round action to do spell combat spell strike, so that's my turn. And you have sent Shocking Grasp out, so you're no longer armed with Shocking Grasp. That was the Shocking Grasp. Della will, however, shout, Kill the painting!

Kill the painting! Kill the painting! Kill the painting! Do you say, kill it with magical things! Kill it with magical things! It takes half damage, I think. That's what I've heard! It seems to take roughly half of the damage. Are we supposed to employ post-modernism? Cubism? Some sort of...

All right, flying gunman. Just criticism. Flying gunman. Now this is the art I want to see. Baron says, Duster blowing in the wind. I've had just about enough of these mother freaking paintings. And he flies within 20 feet of the painting.

Here's a bullet, by the way. I put it on the screen. Look at those things. They go all the way back. They go all the way back to Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. That's an original creature from the original game. Wow. Look at that.

So Baron takes a shot at the painting. Hopefully the magical wolf will be able to dodge the bull. Let me ask you this, Baron. Just because I'm a kind and generous, benevolent DM, you heard Della say only magical attacks, only magical attacks. Oh, right. So swiftly, prior to my

attacking, I'm going to cast a sacred judgment of Torek. Who says I'm not the nicer guy? Well, Italians first off. So the Judgment of Sacred Smiting attacks. Natural 20!

Get out of here! Natural 20! Wow! This comment has all been fumbles and 20s. Oh my goodness. It's confirmed! Alright, wait a minute. Everybody calm down. So you swift...

You swiftly gave your gun the magical quality as a judgment. You shot at it. And it's going to detect as good. So you had to fly back into the room, so you only had one shot, right? Do not miss your chance to blow this opportunity. It's immune to crits, right?

Oh, it's immune to crits. It's immune to crits. Oh, so exploding dice. Exploding dice. What a shame. There's some great crits on here to read. Get out of here! And a seven! 27 points of damage

Wow okay Alright it is It takes half of that for 14 Yep it takes half of that for 14 Wow This is amazing Just imagine he comes flying in and shoots at it Boom

Alright that is clutch It is Sir Will's turn Just imagine he comes flying in and shoots at it. Boom! All right. That is clutch. It is Sir Will's turn. Let me walk you through this. It goes Sir Will, and then it's the canting. It's the canting. Baron, you don't take bleed. Sir Will, you don't take bleed.

Nestor doesn't take bleed now. Umlo will take bleed on his turn, unless something changed there. It goes Sir Will, and then the painting and the bullet. Yeah, so Sir Will, and then the painting and the bullet. Yeah, so Sir Will is going to full round action administer a potion to Umlo. So that is a

potion of pure light wounds. Natural one. Mother! But you stopped the bleeding. Two points of healing. Two points of healing! But the bleeding has subs. Two points of healing. That's fine. Two points of healing. That's for the best. But the bleeding has subsided. Full round action.

All right, it's the painting and the bullet's turn. Jesus Christ. Only ups and downs. All right, the painting continues to try to do an oterous touch on the wolf known as Lexington. To be fair, I think that Will probably has to take an attack of opportunity from the bullet. From the bullet, yeah. From the bullet. Yeah, for administering the potion. So he's like, you know,

just trying to defend himself as best he can. Let me ask you this. 14 against Lexington's touch first. That is a miss. All right, so it will not continue to do another... Damage, but Lexington takes bleed. So roll 2d6 bleed. Roll your box cards.

Let me roll the attack of opportunity on the bullet first. And that was a natural 2. 15 on the attack of opportunity. That's a miss. So that's a miss. And then Lexington's bleed damage. Lexington takes 11 points of bleed. There it was, of course.

Unconscious? No, he's still up. What the hell is this roll playing at? Lexington is insane. I mean, I think I've rolled 11 points of bleed two or three times on Lexington where I've been rolling three points of bleed on everybody else. Okay, so now that was the painting from before, and now it's going to be the bullet's turn.

Did it take the attack of opportunity on Sir Will? It did. It rolled a 15 and missed. So now the bullet. What does the bullet want to do? The bullet is going to full attack Sir Will. Yep. Sir Will, you're in pretty good shape HP-wise.

Like, this is what you should be doing here. Yeah, he's not bleeding. All right. He's barely been hit. First attack, 29. That hits. All right. So that hits Sir Will for, I was going to say 33 because I rolled another d20 again.

Hold on, let me, I was rolling on the app, I don't want to do that. Okay, so it's going to be, let me realize, 22 points of damage on the bite. The bite is its worst one. Okay, okay. All right, claw number one, natty 18. So it claws you for A 6 and a 1 So 13 points of damage And then the final claw

Now last round I think they all missed Or maybe one hit Final claw 21 to hit Miss Alright that was a 9 on the die 21 Okay It is Nestor's turn

Still unconscious Safest guy in the room Little 21. Okay. It is Nestor's turn. Still unconscious. Safest guy in the room. Umlo's turn. Not even in the room. Unconscious. No longer bleeding. Round six, maybe seven.

Who knows? Della Narn. Motherfucker. What are you going to do? You're doing half damage. And you just, pooh, you put all that juice into that last attack. I can't get to... And the painting is far away from you. You might want to heal yourself, right?

It's under Lexington. Do you take bleed damage? Yeah, I take bleed damage. Oh! Do you have a potion? You should take a potion. I can also heal myself. Oh, you can just cast it.

Yeah, yeah, you should do that. All right, here's the bleed damage. Nine points of bleed damage. Oh, gosh, yeah, I'm going to have to heal myself. Oh, I thought you were unconscious. I got two hit points left. Oh! Oh, my God. Here's the question.

Will infernal healing stop the bleeding? Yeah. Any magical healing, even evil. That actually, but that will take a whole two minutes. So I'm just going to do Cure Light Wounds on myself. Boom, Cure Light Wounds. Okay, I'll let you roll that. And she's going to move to get in position.

Sorry. Whoa, that was a misclick. Eight points of damage. Up to a whopping... Points of damage or healing? Healing. And she's going to move to get in position. Sorry. Whoa. That was a misclick. Eight points of damage. Up to a whopping... Eight points of damage or healing? Healing. I'm up to a whopping...

Now you're unconscious. Ten. All right, so Del is at ten. Ladies and gentlemen... But I've stopped bleeding. You've stopped bleeding, and it is Baron's turn. Baron, you were never bleeding. I made an error there.

Fire away. Baron is about to get all Yosemite Sam up in this. Now, let me let me just point this out to you, Baron. If you take your full attack action, you will fall to the ground afterwards because you have to continue moving while you're flying. I don't care. So fire away. Do you think do you think that gunslingers get rewarded? Technically, he has to roll a hover check.

Right. He could just drop to the ground. I just can't do a full attack. What's your fly? a hover check. Right. He could just drop to the ground. Can I just drop right now? You can't do a full attack. What's your fly? Because he's moving. Yeah. I mean, like, if you're saying, like, lower to the ground.

Can I just drop myself? He's not that far off the ground. I don't need to get low. Can I do a full attack? No, you can fire your full attack. It's just at the end of it, if you fail your hover check, you'll fall. Okay. Yeah.

So. I mean, I do get grit points for daring acts, don't I? Yeah, man. That's true. All right, fire one. Up close and deadly. Oh, yeah. No!

Misfired! No! You've got to be kidding me. Does that end all your attacks? I mean, I could attack again, but there's a chance it would explode. And it's a non-magical weapon, so I can't mend it. So I'm not going to. Wait, I can mend it.

No, you can't mend it. So I'm not going to. Wait, I can mend it. No, you can't. If a weapon explodes as a result of two misfires in a row, if it's non-magical, it's gone forever. Do you ever. What do you do? Is that it? You don't want to take that chance?

I don't want to take that chance. What's the range? Is it one to four or one to three is a misfire? Or one to two? It's one to two, but I'm using alchemical cartridges, so it's higher.

So it's one to three. So Baron fires. Your gun is jammed twice in this combat! Wow. Wow. That's huge. That is huge. Do I do a hover check now?

Yeah, now you do your hover check. But I stopped the full round action, so can I just keep on flying? Does that make sense? Because I would only do the hover check if I did the full round attack. I hear what you're saying, yeah. That's fine with me. You just do your little laps. That's fine with me. You just do your little laps. That's fine with me.

Sir Will Emet. Sir Will Emet. No bleed damage for Will, but Lexington's a real taste. Yeah, Will is just going to try to stay in position there, keep the attention of the bullet, and he will make an attack at the painting with Rose Light. Okay. Hit.

And does... Oh, for Christ's sake. One point of damage. You know what? I'll give it to you. Oh, by the way, I should have... For God's sake. I should have grazed the target. Yeah, with the...

Up close and deadly. I totally forgot. Graze for half damage. Okay, so what's... Can we let it happen? Yeah, sure. Please. All right, so that... Ooh! That is 10 points of damage. No, no, no. Graze for half damage. Okay. So what's that? Will we let it happen? Yeah, sure. Please. All right. So that is ten points of damage.

No, no, no. Graze for half of the bonus. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah, it's very small. Graze. Four points of damage. All right.

So we'll give him two. Two points of graze. All right. So you guys chip, chip, chip, chip. I mean, Baron could have easily killed it that round. And now Lexington is going to take eight points of bleed damage. Oh, Lexie. Oh, my God, dude.

If Lexington would fucking move, I can... Lexie Bell. Yeah, yeah, I mean, Lexington can move. It's Lexington's turn now, too. Yeah. Lexington will just withdraw because he knows that his bite's not doing anything. Okay. So he'll withdraw, get away from this painting underneath him.

But he took how much bleed? Eight. Does he take an attack of opportunity from the Bennett? No, we decided from this painting underneath him. But he took how much bleed? Eight. Does he take an attack of opportunity from the bonnet? No, we decided that he can't threaten. It's two-dimensional. No, we decided he can't threaten next to it. He's withdrawing. Oh, the bullet.

Yeah, yeah. Well, he's withdrawing anyways. Okay. Okay, it is the painting and the bullet's turn. I'm shocked that I'm still able to attack with this. All right. The painting is coming under Sir Will. in the bullet's turn, I'm shocked that I'm still able to attack with this. Alright. The painting is coming under Sir Will. And we'll attempt to touch Sir Will. That'll be a hit. 25 against

touch. Here comes Sir Will's bleed, but first, just regular damage is gonna be four points of damage. You will bleed on your next turn if the fight has not ended. And then the bullet... It's gotta go out to Sir Will

there. So, uh... Here we go. Full round attack. Bite. Oh, 19. Miss. Miss on a bite is huge. Yeah, the bite is huge. Alright, claw number one. 15. It's plus 13, plus 12, plus 12.

Last... He's like deflecting with his little shield. Last claw. Last claw is a nineteen. Yes! All right. Miss, miss, miss. Wow. All right.

Sir Willemette. All right. Nestor's still unconscious. Elmo's still unconscious. Round eight or whatever. Della. I mean, I can get there and I can't do a shocking grasp, so I can just do 3d6 plus four halved and hope that it's enough. Or I can

magic missile, or I can burning hands. You know, actually, magic missile might do full damage. Possibly. Yeah. Could I do a knowledge check? It's unlikely. And your magic missile is 15d4, right, Matthew? It's half damage from magical attacks. It's worth doing anyway.

I could get up and do 3d6 plus 4 if I hit. Yeah, but magic missile's not automatic. But you could get up and do 3d6 plus 4 if I hit. Yeah, but magic missiles are not automatic. But you could fumble. You can't fumble a magic missile. We've been doing a little bit of fumbling. And you'll get a bottle cap if you do a magic missile. That has been historically true.

That is true. Every time you cast it. Precedent tells. Okay, so it's 4d4 plus 4. Do you guys know Daniel Day-Lewis retired from acting? So 14 points of damage on the magic missile. Does it have? Okay, so it's 4d4 plus 4. Did you guys know Daniel Day-Lewis retired from acting? So, 14 points of damage on the magic missile. Does it have?

On the painting. Yeah, you don't know. You're not sure. I mean, you definitely heard it. You just don't know what kind of damage you did to it. Okay. So, 14. Okay.

Or a half. Seven. And is that your turn? And Della will cast Cure Light Wounds on her. Oh, no, she can't. Yeah, that's her turn. Baron, they need you. They need... So cast another Magic Mist.

They need... Why not? Let's just throw another one. You know what? Let's throw in a Burning Hands. Baron, they need you, buddy. Finish it. Can't misfire again.

Flies above the painting. Oh, wait. Hold on, though. I need to use another one of my grit points. I'm out of grit now. If you didn't say you quickly cleared your gun, I was going to make it. Thanks so much. Because I'm your friend. So I'm out of grit.

Just regular shot. I'm all out of grit. I'm so loud without you. I hope I don't misfire. That is a 22 against Touch AC. That is a hit. Alright. All right. Finish it.

Great use of the judgment here to gain the magical property. If you're going to use it in one combat. That is 18 points of damage. Okay. Still alive, Baron. How many attacks you get, buddy? Well, I flew over to shoot him, so I'm done. You've got to keep flying.

I never asked to be flying. That's true. That's true. Sir Willamette. Keswick, I believe. Sir Will takes... You know, you don't have to fly. Sir Will takes bleed. No, I'm new at this, Skid.

I'm sure you're enjoying it. I'm like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after they have that soda pop and they're floating up towards the... Del, I gave you your bleed, right? No. All right, here's you your bleed, right? No. Alright, here's Della's bleed. Nine points of damage. Didn't you cast

Kiliwim's? No, no, no. She's not bleeding. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you cast... She healed herself. But did you do that at the beginning of your turn? I did that last turn. Okay, so Sir Will, you take nine points of bleed. You take Della's nine. I rolled it again. It happened to be nine. Okay, and it is Sir Will happened to be nine. Okay.

And it is Sir Willamette's turn. This is insane. I just don't know if this thing might be really close. So I'm going to call Lexington over. I'm going to take an attack at the painting. 21. 21 to hit the painting? Yeah. That hits. Yeah, 20, uh, 21. 21 to hit the painting? Yeah.

That hits! Yeah, I'm sorry. 19. 19. AC 18. Okay. Okay. All right.

Uh, please roll some damage here, Will. Please. Um, back to die. Sick! Yes! That's damage. Eight points of damage. Eight points of damage. Eight points of damage. And you destroy the paintings!

Yes! And you know what? We'll see you next week! Oh my god! Thank god! Oh my god! Thank god! Oh my god!

Painting god! Bullet god! Sweating! It's like that scene in Tim Burton's Batman. Destroying all the paintings. It's like, yes! Yes! Yes! The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Powerhouse

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