The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 18 - Frum Here, Too Infirm Is He

Episode Date: September 29, 2015

The companions find their spirits bolstered by the return of perpetually pickled Patrol Sergeant Omast Frum. But they'll need all the help they can get against wave after wave of bloodthirsty orcs storming the city gates of Trunau! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, Patrol Sergeant Omos Frum makes his triumphant return. He's like, what is this? What is this rum? It's whiskey. It's room. It's room? It's a vial of room. Drink it. Well, when in room. Oh, Omos. And he's not taking any lip from Galabras.

It's a technical term. You're not in the army. You don't know. Go back to church, church boy. Put a bandaid on something, churchy. But Galabras isn't going down without a fight. Laugh it up, everyone laugh at the cleric who doesn't know how to use his new fucking weapon. The heroes prepare for battle on True Now's last line of defense. There are waves and waves of these things, and there's all manner of things.

Here they come! The adventure continues now. Friends, Romans, countrymen, Glass Canadians all over the world, welcome to the newest episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. It is I, Skid, otherwise known as the animus behind the recently rage-fueled cleric of Desna Galabras. Just want to get a couple of thank yous out of the way real quick. First of all, thank you once again to our good friend Nick Lowe, who managed to sneak in a very nice mention of the podcast on the This Week in Marvel podcast.

That was super sweet. Thank you and excelsior to you, dear sir. I also want to thank, if we haven't before, David and Spencer from the Thank You Internet podcast for also giving us a very nice mention. Give them a listen if you get a chance. It's about Internet culture. It's very funny, good chemistry.

And I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want to thank all the people writing in. You've gotten so many emails and tweets and Facebook messages from people giving us advice and feedback of all kinds and anger, praise. We love the praise. That's great. Please keep that coming. So yeah, please just keep writing in. We just love that so much. And it's the lifeblood of the show and uh please please please keep it up so before we jump into this week's episode i wanted to talk for a second about character backstories and my sort of approach to creating one uh any any uh any established gamers out there will know how important they are but for those who don't, it really is crucial to have, I think, a detailed, well-thought-out history to your character that goes back before the first time you sit down to

play. So myself, the way I usually go about it is I'll work backwards. I'll have a character concept in mind, and then I'll try to imagine what sort of confluence of circumstance and fate and decisions will conspire to create this person whose image I have in my mind. So after I've given that some thought, I will sit down and write it out as a short story, which I'll then share at least with the Dungeon Master. And I make it as detailed as I can. I think about family members, friends, enemies, geography, social class, like all that

stuff. And I try to at least make mention of all that stuff in the story. The more details that you can give to your DM, the more that he can then include later on down the line as part of the story. Even in a pre- can give to your DM, the more that he can then include later on down the line as part of the story. Even in a pre-written adventure like the one we're playing, a good DM or even

Troy can put details from your backstory and make them part of the adventure, make it, personalize it. So that's great and we've given our backstories to Troy and we've discussed them a little bit on the show. Not too much because we want to maintain some kind of mystery and hope that there will be interest in like discovering things about these are guys like kind of along the way. I've run into a lot of times in the past, and I'm curious if anyone else out there has run into this,

is that so often I find all these great details from the histories of the characters never end up coming out over the course of the game. And I think people, for a number of reasons, I think people start to take things for granted about the other characters. They think, oh, I basically know everything there is to know about the other guys in my group. And, uh, they just get more interested in the plots and the, the,

the combat and everything else going forward. And they, they forget about all this stuff that, uh, they just never ask about just never, never, never comes up, which is a shame because,

uh, as a player, the better, the clearer, the picture you have of these other, these other characters and what motivates them, the better the storytelling ends up being and the richer the relationships that the characters have with each other. So what I usually like to do, and we haven't done this for

this podcast, is I like to have everyone share their backstories with all the other players right at the beginning so even if the characters aren't aware of each other's backstories if the players are it heightens the level of interest and investment that everyone has in each other and at the same time i completely understand the other way of thinking about it the wanting to maintain the mystery and let these things gradually come out like during the game and that anticipation that you have about oh i can't wait to drop that my guy is the bastard son of a shape-shifting transsexual pirate king or whatever like that's very exciting to think about but if that never comes out or it comes out too late past the point where anyone cares then you're losing like all that storytelling possibility all that relationship building possibility but as always we would like

to know what you think you think it would help you enjoy the show more if you were made fully aware of our characters backstories or would you like us keep going at the pace we're going dropping little details along the way please please please please, please write in. Let us know what you think. But enough of my bullshit. Let's get on with this week's show. If you remember, last week's episode ended with the reintroduction of the perpetually inebriated, drunken, utterly useless, fan-favorite patrol sergeant Omas from,

which leads us right into this week's episode the title of which fills me with a strange mix of pride and shame episode 18 from here to infirm is he that's right everybody's favorite npc is back patrol sergeant omas? I hate him. Aw. Yeah. Yes, you guys finally make it to these makeshift barricades. And before I get into Omas, just give you an idea of what's happening. So clearly when this orc raid began at Roderick's funeral, you now realize that these half-orc saboteurs were like sleeper agents within the city, and they somehow sabotaged the Western Gate to get into this inner quarter, which allowed the orc vanguard to surge into the district.

They had some plants in the tavern. Plants, of course. Plants. Plants. That was a totally legitimate way to pronounce that word. I agree. Just keep jumping on it. You know a totally legitimate way to pronounce that word. I agree. Just keep jumping on it. You know what? Have we talked about the rums we've been into lately? We haven't.

So many plants and rums. Plants and rums. And the ruffs. And now that you guys are closer to you, this is the closest you've come to the inner gate. And you just see, you can see a battering ram. They're trying to break through the portcullis. So the members of the True Nows militia, you can see they managed to close one of the gates

to portcullises following what you would presume to be the initial attack. So they closed one of them. The other one is like broken as far as you can see. And the one portcullis that's down is what these orcs orcs you just see waves and waves of orcs uh off in the distance and there's a half a dozen or so with a battering ram trying to get through the portcullis uh that's still standing there uh meanwhile the militia uh or omast or you're not sure yet was able to we're able to construct two barricades which you are now standing in front of,

behind the gates in preparation for them breaking through. So it's just like wood, pieces of houses, and it stretches wide across the inner quarter here. And you guys are behind both of them. And as far as you can tell, looking at the two towers that the port are connected to uh there is like a guard hanging dead out of one window uh and bodies of guards laying around it so as far as you know the guard towers are empty the guards have either been

killed useless or fled um but now you see your old buddy Omas from he comes riding on a horse basically falls off the horse wakes up takes a swig out of his flask and vomits hey guys what's going on was the horse drunk Omas

what's the word from the front is Kurs still alive what's the word from the back high five I'm taking you in I'm taking you in for DUI on that horse from the front, is Kursh still alive? What's the word from the back? High five! I'm taking you in. I am taking you in for DUI on that horse. You take me down to Chattatown. See, this is why I hate him. I'm now handing you all a map

that I'm gonna put up on our Tumblr, just to give you a better idea of what the scene looks like right here, and I'm gonna give you a little explanation. there are two crenellated towers and there are there's a portcullis one of which is broken the other which is down but is being battering rammed through then there's some houses off to the side and then there are these two barricades, and you're standing behind both of them. There is a boulder in the middle, and you would assume that this is one of the boulders

that came flying through town. That is between the two barricades. And then there are these two piles of logs, you see, that are tied up with string. And going down from where you guys are standing all the way to the port is like sloped downward towards there so you think they were trying to set up some sort of

precautionary measures a trap to release the logs the Ewoks thing or the 13th warrior with Antonio Banderas nobody saw that Antonio Banderas. Nobody saw that.

Antonio Banderas didn't even see that. That is a great movie. I love it. And unfortunately, your only sort of vehicle to figure out what's going on here and how this all works is your old pal, Omas. So look around like behind him and there's nobody manning these barricades. Nobody manning. Everybody's dead. It's just Omast. Omast, what are you doing?

I'm here to give them orcs what they came here for. Let loose the logs and the boulder, let's have some fun. Howie skitters out of Gormley's robes and onto her extended hand and she lowers her hand right in front of Omast's face and she says, get it together. I just... He vomits again. Oh, God.

You see that he's like nauseated and sickened. Give him the soothing syrup. No, let's save that for us. Yeah. Fuck you, Omas. Do you... How much do we have? You got, I think, two vials.

Two vials of it and then a vial of some other similar... Give it to him. I say give it to him. Give it to him. You see waves of orcs coming on, and you know that Omast is a venerable warrior. Did I use venerable right? No.

That means old. I really wanted venerable to be right there. Well, it's like old and respected, but it doesn't necessarily mean effective. If he were sober, I think he might

be pretty effective. He could at least explain how to manipulate these But Lork would know that if he joined the combat, he'd be effective

if he wasn't vomiting. He'd be extremely effective. Yeah, all right, then we'll give him the soothing syrup, and I want to

take one, too. Or one of us should. Yeah, alright, then we'll give him the soothing syrup. And I want to take one too. Or one of us should. You should. What does soothing syrup do? It prevents nausea. I, yeah, and it gives you a plus five on fortitude saves against nausea for like an hour or something. Yeah, it's like a one hour preventative.

And I have them, I have the vials on me, so I grab one and it's just like, here, drink this! And he's like, what is this? What is this rum? It's whiskey. It's room. It's room? It's a vial of room. Drink it.

Well, when in room. Oh, almost. Nailed it. You've still got it. We're having fun. We're going to die soon. He drinks it and it's like Popeye music. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

He kind of like drops to one knee and just vomits. And he's like boot and rally. He stands up and is like, whoa, what happened the last 14 days? You've been drinking, old master. We need you to focus. We're under attack. Oh, man, what is going on? I am out of sorts.

Turn around quickly. I remember this. Yes, okay. All right, and now you can slowly see this guy that you have had zero respect for so far. You can see that there's a hint of a real warrior here. And he says, all right, yes, yes, yes. I remember how this all works.

All right, guys, bear with me. Who puked? That is a lot of puke. Anyways. It was Baron. All right, so here's the deal. It was you, you Here's the deal It was you You hideous drunk Please

He's still Galabras is still Feeling this rage He's still He's coming out He's working off That adrenaline From the last fight

That's right Gormley lays a hand On Galabras' shoulder And then starts to Stroke it a little bit Oh Stop touching me I

Oh Oh Oh it's you Gormley I still think Gormley's a fucking weirdo Baron And Galabras oh it's you Gormley I still think Gormley's a fucking weirdo Baron and Galabras is I'm really

Gormley really does still creep Galabras out there's just the creepy factor like kind of overrides the anger yeah exactly

even the help Gormley gives us is so fucking weird creeping out allies and enemies she just looks at people funny yeah well that's a witch for you it's like if someone

breaks into your house and like john wayne gacy comes in and like kicks them out and you're like well thanks i guess could you please leave now also the killer clown um you know john wayne gacy like he had a he was a pillar of the community yeah He took a picture with Nancy Reagan. Yeah, he was very heavily involved with the church. He dressed up like a clown and hid boys under his floorboards of his house. Hey, if that's wrong, I don't want to be right. He took a picture. He has a picture of himself with the First Lady from three weeks before he was arrested.

Oh, man. Don't get me started talking about serial killers. When I those like uh history channel uh serial killer hours i'll sit there and watch 10 fascinating stuff moving on any philip k dick facts no okay i do i do i still have like three philip k dick you've been saving these up got away from you for like seven got away for you to get to choose your dick pics hey man um man. Let me know. Oh, he's like, all right. Yes, yes, I remember this. I mean, you hear. They're crashing. Do you see the wood splintering on the portcullis that stands remaining?

Is that the portcullis sound effect? He's like, yes, all right. I remember this. Okay. Okay, so we have these two barricades here. And you can see that the barricades are about three feet high and five feet wide. And they're, I said that last episode, they were about 30 feet apart. You can see now that they're 25 feet apart, give or take.

And basically, all you need to know about the barricades is that. What do you mean by five feet wide? Do you mean 50 feet wide? No, like they're five feet deep. Oh, thick. Thick. Yeah, thick. Gotcha. Thick. Five feet thick're five feet deep. Oh, thick. Yeah, thick. Gotcha.

Five feet thick and three feet high. Now, what you need to know is to cross a barricade, it's going to cost you two squares of movement to cross it. So bear that in mind. If you're within 30 feet of a barricade, you have cover. But so does your enemies. But if you're closer to the barricade than your enemy is, assuming they break through,

you can ignore the cover that they're granted. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yes. I could have said that in a much simpler way. This is all crystal clear. Let's do this. Is it really?

Not at all. Really? Not at all. I'm so confused. I'm good. I'm good. We'll figure it out as we go. Okay.

It's fine. It's just if you're behind the barricade, the barricade's high. So if you're behind it, then anyone attacking you with ranged weapons has to roll for cover. But if you're closer to the barricade than the enemy is, you don't have to roll for cover to hit them. Of course, that's what it means to be behind a barricade. If you're right up against it, you have the advantage

on the enemy that's farther away. 100%. Here comes the story of the barricade. So that's basically what Omas tells you oh yes the boulder so we have this boulder here this sticky boulder and both Galabros and Baron notice

that it's covered with this same alchemical substance that you guys have been seeing around town so you realize you could probably light it on fire if you wanted to. The logs? No, the boulder. The giant boulder that flew through town. It still has residue on it from when it flew through.

Maybe it was like a dud for them, but now we can light it like a shitty firecracker. Yeah, I can light that with a cantrip, with spark. Yeah, and he says, we can push this if they come through we can find the right time and one of us someone's really strong can push it in any direction and it's going to move and you can see that it's about 10 feet wide it's going to move 10 feet in any direction that it's pushed and it's not going to stop until it hits something

yeah they'll knock out things so if it goes down the slope right toward the port call us where they might come in bam could hit them right away right. And you realize that it also has this substance on it that could be lit, possibly. Who knows? Then you see in front of the first barricade, the barricade that's closest to the... Someone's tea ready? Somebody's got to either get their tea off

or trick their brakes. Oh, this is sobering up. Sorry, I was making some Sanka. Sanka. Sanka doesn't whistle. I don't know. I don't know. You're a weird guy.

There's something wrong with your microwave. You're a weird guy, Ace. Oh, yes. All right. So in front of the barricade that's closest to the Borcalas, there are these two giant tied-up things of logs. And you see that they can just be like released and those will roll down the hill

taking out people and things in their path. And just on a technical standpoint, so you know, it'll take one person two rounds to untie the logs. It'll take two people one round to untie a thing of logs. Or it'll take one person a standard action to just chop it and have them roll down. Make sense? Yes.

And then there are sharpened stakes also in front of the first barricade. And Lork, you realize that this is just like when you killed those dogs before. At any point, someone could just brace these stakes and hope that these stupid orcs come running right at them. Hold! Hold!

Hold! And if you do impale someone it does 2d8 damage with the stakes. So Omas is showing you all this stuff and he's like, and also I've got a weapons cache over here. And he brings you over and he's got a glaive, a guisarm, a halberd,

two long spears, and a rancer, all standing upright in a barrel near the westernmost barricade. He says, if any of you needs something, some of these have reach, some of these you can trip with it. He says some of them have reach. Some of these have reach. It's a technical term.

You're not in the army, you don't know. Go back to church, church boy. Sorry. I just hate fucking Oma so much I'm just undercutting him Like Everything he does What do you know

Church boy Go put a bandaid On something churchy Awesome Some of these you can use To disarm Some you can brace Some you can use

To trip enemies Do the math They do 2d8 damage if you brace for the record I don't know what half of those items are yeah I don't think I could use like any of these things probably just lork

I could use maybe baron I could put a glaive guise arm on my back is there a long spear yeah there's two long spears I could put a glaive grease arm on my back. Is there a long spear? Yeah, there's two long spears. I could use a long spear. That's a simple weapon. Or is it a short spear?

It's a simple weapon, I think. I have both long spear and short spear. Yeah, well, you know, in the throes of battle, we can look it up and move on. What we know is that we can't use spears. The most important thing is for you guys to get some sort of slashing weapon. You have a dagger, Gormley, to cut the logs?

Just my hope knife. Oh, that's fine. Something to cut the rope. I can use all martial weapons, so I'm going to use any of them. Oh, beautiful. Okay, good. And he's like, so we've got to get ready because they're going to be here. While he's talking, you can barely hear him talk.

He's like, there are waves and waves of these things. And there's all manner of things. This is going to be a battle. And it's up to us to save Trunel. Yeah, and Lorca's. He's like, I'll do my best to move them in position to help get on either side. Which you know to be a flank. I'll do that, and you guys do the damage,

and let's take back this city! Take back the night! And just as he says that, you can see that the portcullis is about to be broken through. Is there any last things you need to do before the Battle of Bloodmarch Hill really um explodes i'm five hit points down we might as well use it might as well hit me with a cure light wounds yeah i will uh zap him with the wand of cure light wounds i'm three damn shit hey uh well uh four points to you

do you really want me to use a charge of this one? Okay. No, no, no. That's fine. I can. That's fine. You know what? Without your consent, I'm going to do it. Okay, you're back. You're back to max. Yeah. It's fine. I don't need it. Keep your wand. Are you hurt? No. Are you hurt that I

collected it? No, I was being barren. No, no, no. I just played this like Skid's high school girlfriend. No, I don't need it. How do you, no. I just played this like Skid's high school girlfriend. No, I don't need it. How do you know Kathy Ottman? You don't know her. Shout out to Kathy Ottman. All right, so everybody's got their healing.

Everybody knows what's going down. Do you guys need to do any strategy? Do you guys talk to each other? Like, who's doing what? What's the plan? Lork is going to, for until something, until I think Lork is going to stay back and fire his longbow,

which he will have no penalty at this range all the way to the portcullis until the boulder needs to be pushed. And then he'll push the boulder. I think that's what his job should be. And Grumly can spark the boulder. So I feel like if you need help pushing or, I can do it from 25 feet away too.

So I don't necessarily need to be up and close on the here here's a question for you what's the range on a crossbow and were there any they're pushing through man push it through it's like what's the range on a crossbow? There's no time for this! Can you load it as a move action? Does it provoke an attack of opportunity? I mean, to answer your question, Grant, I have stats on the crossbow up to 400 feet. It's just not very accurate at that range.

What is the prime range? 30 feet or 80 feet. All right, fuck it. Stick him with the pistol. 80 feet, basically. 80 feet is the maximum. Without penalty? Right.

No, you can go 160. I still get plus two on it. Is there a crossbow in that weapons cache? Light crossbow. There is not. Okay, fuck it. I cast Galabras Cast's Shield of Faith on himself. So he stands back, his eyes roll up into his head,

and he lowers his hands, and this shimmering shield comes up around him. And plus two deflection bonus AC, so a little bit harder to hit. Omas comes up, puts his hand on your shoulder and says, Good. You'll need your prayers now. Don't ever touch me again.

Actually, that's a great idea. Lork is going to chug his potion of bull strength. And potion of bark skin. Chin mixed drinks. So his natural armor goes up and his strength goes up. So he's all, like, juiced up.

You know, we have a potion of shield of faith, too, that I don't think we've used yet. No, we do. I thought that's what you were using. No, I'm using the spell. So if somebody wants to take that potion. Yeah, take it, bro. What does it do? Plus two deflection.

Oh, great. Yeah. The last thing Omas says is, don't shoot all of our wards. Save some things. This is going to be a long battle. I've seen outside the walls. I've climbed the ramparts.

There are waves and waves of these, so be strategic about this. Don't use everything at once or we're dead. Here they come! Roll for initiative. Oh, jeez. Yeah. All right, who got,

anybody over 20? 17 for Lork. 17. Baron, what'd you get? 13. Oof. Gorms? 10 for Gormley.

What? Not a great roll. You know, against character, I rolled really high, and I rolled a 2. What the fuck was that? They're coming through. What was that? That is the dropped iPad.

Okay, so the portcullis cracks open, and maybe it's just the way this is all going down, but just as the wood splinters and you see these green bodies come through, the skies open up and rain comes down. Do you have anything, like, storm, Joe? I do. I do. Because Sirenscape is the best. Let's see.

Oh! because Sirenscape is the best. Let's see. Oh. Oh, yeah. It starts right. You can hear them. They're attacking through the portcullis. And you see six orcs just run full speed. Double move for you kids at home. Towards the barricade.

Six orcs just come running through. towards the barricade. Six orcs just come running through. And now it is Lork's turn. Oh, Lork, all right. Now, right now, just to give you an idea, you are behind the second barricade, but you want to get in front of that barricade, is what Omos is like.

Do your best to stay between the two barricades until they break through that first one. Then we'll move back if need be. Okay. We must hold the first barricade. Okay. Then Lork will double move to get over the first barricade. His armor is so heavy that he can't. I mean, you placed us in a position where we're 20 feet away from the first barricade. Is that right? We weren't standing right at the first barricade. His armor is so heavy that he can't. I mean, you placed us in a position where we're 20 feet away from the first

barricade. Is that right? We weren't standing right at the first barricade? You can be standing right at the first barricade. You guys were talking and milling about it. Then he will use a single move to get over the first barricade and then shoot with cover. The other guy has better cover, but he'll take a shot

with his longbow at the first guy coming up the wall. Sure. So cover is like, what is it? Is it like a 40% mischance or something like that? I don't really remember how. It's almost 20.

I think cover is 20. It's 20. It's 20. It's 20% until I. 20% mischance. I'm going to say 20%. Okay. Here we go.

He takes a shot with his bow, gets it on concealment. That's a 17 to say 20%. Okay. Here we go. He takes a shot with his bow. Gets it on concealment. That's a 17 to hit. 17 hits. For seven points of damage. Yes. Right between the little spikes of the barricade. Arrow goes right through. Hits him.

Fs him up. Baron. Baron has a quick load action, puts a flare. Well, he moves up basically to where Lork is, right alongside Lork, on the other side of the barricade. And he shoots at that same guy.

And before he shoots, he loads a flare alchemical cartridge into his pistol. What? I don't think, have we seen this? Is this new? This is the first time. Ooh.

And he rolls a 24 to hit. Yeah, that's a hit. Damn. And for damage, Five. So he's going to do half of that. So he's gonna do half of that So he's gonna do

And then plus one So he's gonna do three damage Okay That The person I hit is Blinded for one round Oh that's cool But you

Roll a fortitude DC Has to beat fifteen Fortitude save succeeds. Okay. Otherwise, it's dazzled, and creatures within a 20-foot burst radius are dazzled for one round. Oh, wow.

Are you kidding me? Holy shit. How many of those do you have? Three more. Oh, wow. You and Lork are just outside of that, but four of his buddies are... Yeah, well, at least two of his buddies are in that. And they're dazzled.

Huge. Huge. All right, so Lork steps up, hits this guy, and then Baron blows him away. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. All right, Gormley. Gormley will hop over the barricade as well

to stand next to the other side of Lork. Nimbly hop. Yeah. And she's going to... So the first orc is the one that both Lork and Baron hit. Yes. And the two behind him are dazzled? Yes.

All right. Correct. So there is one off to the side. Yep. One who's kind of doing his own thing. He's coming. You can tell. He's coming up around the logs.

Yeah. Gormley is going to eat. I think they're all dazzled, right? I think they're all within 20 feet, right? No, not the outside one. All of these guys. Right. So the four behind them are dazzled.

Yeah. So they all have minus one to hit. So Gormley is going to evil eye the one off to the side. Saving throws. Saving throws? Okay, what is it? A will save? Yep, DC 14. Fail, fail, fail. So for six rounds

you have minus two to all saving throws. Uh-oh, I can see you're cooking up some sort of thing with that. I don't like it. This is awesome. This music is epic! This is so great.

It begins. And make that seven with a cackle. Oh! Oh, no, I'm sorry. I moved. You already moved. Nice try. I'm getting too tall for your britches.

All right, Galabras. All right, Galabras is going to also clamber up on the barricade next to Boner. Boner? Yeah, Boner. Hey, Mr. Seabird. Hey. Nice gun you got there. I was really dazzled by it.

Is going to raise his crossbow to his shoulder. Die. And shoot at the foremost orc. That's already taken two ranged hits. 11 to hit. No, 13. 13 to hit? That hits. Yeah! And does six points of damage. And he is dead, dead, dead.

Yes! Ah! Oh, bloodlust! Yes! Clerical bloodlust. Oh, nice job, dude. And I'm going to fill up his spot with a black space, just because I feel like there's going to be a lot of bodies littering this.

Oh, okay. I've got a black space, babe. That was round one. In the far off distance, you hear... Oh, shit. There's more coming. You must move quickly.

And... Was that a drum, or were those steps? It's just like steps. Or footfall. So no second scald or anything, though. As far as you know, no. All right, the guy that Gormley was messing with,

he comes around. Oh, I screwed up the sound. Sorry. Oh, battle's over. All right, we won. We did it. I told you, I'm still learning this thing. The battle is over.

I'll get it back. Oh, no, it's back on in the crazy event. The rest is over. So actually, Omas steps up. Omas hops over the barricade, stands up in front of you guys, and makes a motion to jump right over into the fracas by himself.

Oh, Jesus. So Omas jumps over both barricades and is standing in front of all of the remaining orcs. And you guys are like, that dude's a badass. Oh, wow. Meanwhile, he whips out a greatsword as he does so.

Oh, greatswords are so badass. Okay, now, the guy that hexed Gormley, he clambers around the, I don't even know if clambers is a word, but I'm going to use it, around the logs, and he sees Gormley, and

decides to shoot his composite shortbow at Gormley. 16 to hit. Misses. Misses! What? Mage armor. Oh, mage armor, bitch! Finally, it deflects. Finally remembered to use it.

Swoom! Okay, and now, um... Deflects off this magical barrier surrounding your body The next dude comes up And swings a falchion At Omast And hits Omast With his falchion

And does eight points of damage To Omast Oh shit You see Omast gets hit pretty bad The next guy moves up and tries to get over the barricade. Does it matter? These guys are dazzled still? Yeah, so they take a minus one.

That minus one to hit. Still would have hit Omas. Still would have hit him. The next guy comes up and jumps over the barricade to try and come after you guys. Omas gets an attack of opportunity and hits the orc and kills him.

Omas! So Omas kills one of the orcs. His greatsword just slices him in half. The next one comes up, gets over the barricade Omas can't attack him again And he fires at

Fires at Lork 18 to hit Lork Misses Misses Lork Thank you Potion of Bark skin That's right

His skin starts to get hard Like the side of a tree And it hits it And just bounces off Last guy comes up Whips out his crossbow Aims it straight at Galabras And it misfires

Critical fumble We need a card Good thing you had those ready Skid You know it's show time right You forgot though You know it's showtime, right? Wait, where are they? You forgot them. No, I don't. I definitely have them. This is why we don't put Johnny Walker in the green room.

Wait, no. I definitely have those cards. They're there. Okay. See? See? I got the cards, see? I got the cards right here, see?

Hand this to Troy so he can read it. That was what, ranged? That was a ranged weapon in the critical fumble card. I guess it would just be a f here, see? Hand this to Troy so he can read it. That was what, ranged? That was a ranged weapon, and the critical fumble card, I guess it would just be a fumble, right? We always say critical fumble, but pinch in parts. The orc takes 1d6 points of damage. Pinch in parts. That means, I think his underwear is riding up on him.

I think that's what it means. Would we say it cleaved? Yeah. Cleaved? Cleaved in twain. I think that's what it means. Would we say it cleaved? Yeah. Cleaved and twined. I like that one. And this one takes two points of damage. Hoisted by its own retard. And now it is Lork's turn.

Is that a Veep reference? Love it. I don't know. Shakespeare, bro. I think it is. Lork's turn. Is that a Veep reference? Love it. I don't know. Shakespeare, bro. I think it is. Lork's turn. All right. Lork is going to full attack action.

Rapid shot at the Lork to the far most left that just came over the logs because he's in a beautiful, clear line of sight. And he's over the barricade, so easier to hit. So this orc just jumped over the barricade and Lork is going to fire once, hits. 21. 21 hits. For six points of damage.

Draws back again. Fires the second one. 16 to hit 16 to hit same guy same guy for 4 points of damage and you kill him

right there yes only because he had already done 2 points of damage to himself he was an easy target alright

the bodies of these orcs are piling up you guys have already taken out 3 out of the 6 of what you know to be the first wave. So he doubled over from the pain from his underwear.

He gets shot in the face. He's like, ah, shut up, broad. He was reaching back. He was like, ah, ah, and then just, boom, boom, two arrows. I am sweating right now. I am so into this fight. My palms are sweating. I'm so fired up.

People listening at home are going to be like, this is terribly boring. I have pissed myself twice. I couldn't imagine this is boring. I might so fired up. People listening at home are going to be like, this is terribly boring. I have pissed myself twice. I might take off my pants. At least by the fourth round. Baron, you are It's fun. A little bit of fun for everyone. Baron, do me a favor. Just watch your feet. When you

You've been thunderstruck! Baron is going to take a little ten-foot step to the left side or right side of Lork. He is going to rapid reload with a paper alchemical cartridge. There's a giant boulder in front of you, though. That's the only thing.

Oh, it's really tall? Yeah, yeah. It's ten feet wide, ten feet high. He's going to take a step forward. Okay. Rapid reload with a paper all-chemical cartridge. And he is going to... He's just going to shoot this guy.

He's not going to get up close and deadly. Are you going to say something? Please don't live anymore. Classic. Classic Baron Pithy. I remember when Eastwood said that. That quote is from Wild Wild West, actually. Really?

No. 23 against Touch AC. Yeah, that's a hit. And then damage is three. Three points of damage. And now this was the dude that came over the barricade, not the one that Gormley evil-eyed. Correct.

So we'll call this Barricade Jumper. And then the other guy is Blindy McGee. So you just shot Barricade Jumper for how many points of damage? Three. Three. His barricade jumping days may be over soon. Gormley, you're up. You got one guy

who has minus two to save, so you just blasted him. And she's going to hex him with misfortune. You bitch. Oh, the new hex! Alright, now, am I correct in knowing this is a will save? DC 14. DC 14.

DC 14. Will. Oh, Natty 20. Oh, so there went that shitty Hex. Wasted. But you know what? You just wasted one of my 20s. So, win-win.

At least it wasn't used on a crit. Win-win for the team. Because there's a limited supply. That's how that works. Yep. Meme skin is out. Yeah. Skin has no tolerance

for like lower intelligence at all. Zero. That's why he hates Troy as a person. That's right. And Omos. It's mostly Omos.

Although I hate Omos more just because he's portrayed by Troy. Right. That's why. Galabras, you're up. Oh, hello. Hi.

You fucking idiot, Galabras. Get your shit together. I hate myself. Omas is going, God damn it. Galabras. I just have Omas. I know.

I hate Omas. I take myself in the face. Galabras is going to load, as a move action, load his crossbow standing atop the barricade and fire

at the orc standing atop the barricade directly across from him. All right, fire when ready. I'm ready.

When ready. They're far too trusting. Kill him. Eighteen hits. Eighteen hits. This is the one that Baron just shot. Kill him. 18 to hit. 18 hits. This is the one that Baron just shot. Kill him.

And fucking one goddamn damage. The orc just... His head explodes. ... laughs at you. Ah, what a bitch. Fuck. Round three. Galabras laughs too.

Did Omas get to go in that round? Oh, no. Good call. Thank you. I would have forgot Omast. And Harpy, where is Omast? There he is, that son of a bitch. Okay, so Omast goes and tries to grapple the orc.

What? In front of him. He grabs the orc. He seems like a shitty warrior. Throws him over the barricade at you guys. Whoa! It says, finish this fuck! Yes, I will! This is actually

a move known as reposition, which is something in all my Pathfinder days, I never knew about until I encountered Omas from. Oh, I thought he had the flavor feat. If you roll a CMB plus five, and if you succeed against their CMD, you can

move down five feet in any direction. Oh, that's cool. And if he gets, for every five he gets over their CMD, he can move them another five feet. So he takes this guy, throws him over the barricade, right near you

guys. That's awesome. Round three. You're killing all my sweet orcs. Okay, the one that Gormley evil-eyed. I forgot all their nicknames, but hopefully you can follow with me. He. Blindy McGee. That's right, Blindy McGee.

So now with Blindy McGee, he, what does he take, a 50% mischance? Yes. All right. So he whips out a greataxe. Why does he take a 50% mischance? Because he's blind. Or is blind just... I didn't blind him.

I'm saving your ass with my fucking flare cartridge. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Which is minus one,us one to hit. No, this isn't blinding McGee. This was the one that Gormley evil-eyed. Oh, so he's fine. Besides his. He's five. He comes up with a great axe and swings it straight at Gormley.

Oh, this could be bad. Sixteen? Does not hit. Yeah! What? Mage armor! So basically the blade comes down onto this witch who's wearing no armor, defenseless. And magically it's like, shaking! Comes right off her skin.

A flash of light as it like glances. So badass. Awesome. One comes up to Lork and attacks. The other one comes up to Baron and attacks The first one attacks Lork with a Orc double axe

And misses The next one attacks Baron with a spiked chain That damn spiked chain again And also misses Alright Useless, useless orcs But in the distance you can hear that sound It's getting closer and closer the distance, you can hear that sound.

It's getting closer and closer. Lork, you are up. Lork is going to use his new feat, Quickdraw. He's going to switch the longbow out. Sheath it, pull the Masterwork Battleaxe, and swing down at this guy that just got it. He made a huge mistake getting in Lork's face. Yeah, man. Swings.

13 to him. 13 hits. Yes. Really? It hits. Holy shit. That is, oh, oh my God, he's got the potion of bull strength. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I have to redo the math real quick. Just add another two. Sorry, I have to redo the math real quick Just add another two It is It is 13 points of damage Kills him, kills him And like

Just so you know, I'm not skipping Orc Ferocity You guys are killing them below their constitution score So they don't have a chance for their Ferocity to enact He had exactly 13 hit points left And he is dead as well. Awesome. Oh my goodness. These are like minions. Right, right. And not like in the movie that was popular several months

ago that everyone went to see, but they're like the... Yeah, never mind. This is the Vanguard, is what this is. So obviously they're not the best. Next up is Baron. Baron is going to get up close and deadly with his work. Oh, he's going to rapid reload.

Uh, five foot step back so he doesn't incur an attack of opportunity. Rapid reload paper alchemical cartridge. Oh, Baron. So I did 15 against touch AC. Ah, that's it. Oh, I thought it was 15 damage. I was like, you upgraded to a shotgun. Do you have a 1D6? Yes, I do. I have a against touch AC. Ah, that's it. Oh, I thought it was 15 damage. I was like, you upgraded to a shotgun. Do you have a 1d6?

Yes. I do. I have a 1d6. So I do 7 plus 3, 9 points of damage. Yeah. Do you have minus 1? You just said 7 plus 3 equals 9. Equals 10.

Yeah, so 10 points of damage. You can tell from my earlier anecdote that things aren't going well for him. You guys are doing extremely well. Is he dead? What's the matter with him? He is not dead, but he is bloodied. Okay. And is he below zero just because of hip pain?

He is below zero. Oh, great point. Good point. He is below zero. Oh, we need to. Gormley! Get away from that! The sound of the oncoming footsteps is getting louder and louder. Something's about to happen.

Okay. Ready the logs. At some point. Gormley is under immediate attack. I'm under immediate attack. I could take a five-foot step and shoot him with a crossbow, or I could full withdraw up in the direction of the logs.

Did you shoot? No, you did misfortune last round? I did misfortune, yeah. I haven't shot. So I could... You could do acrobatics checks to get around him. It's super risky.

She's done it before. I've done it before. She has. You know what? Let's risk it. Yeah! I have in my hand A bottle cap Alright if you make it through

How bad do you want it Acrobatics 15 acrobatics Against their CMD Yeah even Not plus 5 He's not moving through Somebody just got a bottle cap

Nice work I thought he caught it Troy threw it across At a million miles an hour. Almost. All right, so you move past him to the logs. Okay, on the right. Awesome. So you kind of duck, fly out of the way,

and then Lurk is going to fuck this guy up if he gets a chance. And it is Galabras' turn. Bold. So I think Gormley, like, kind of, picture him kind of, like, sliding between his legs. He swings at her. She slides down. She scratches him a little bit on the inner thigh

with a fingernail. Of course she does. Matrix style. That's why no one trusts you, Gormley. Okay, so Galabras, the orcs that laughed at him last round is so alive. Is that the one he's laughed at him, his last round is so alive, right? Is that the one he's coming at me? Yep, that's the same one.

He's going to say, see if you find this funny. Well, you probably do find it funny. I rolled a four, so laugh it up. Everyone laugh at the cleric. He doesn't know how to use his new fucking weapon. I started a joke, but the joke was on me. What kind of weapon was it? My crossbow.

He says, ah, who gave Paula Poundstone a crossbow? That is uncalled for, sir. That is uncalled for. Nice shooting, Paula. I don't know who that is. Now we have Boner and Paula. I love it. Our cler, Paula. I don't know who that is. Now we have Boner and Paula. I love it. Our cleric Paula.

Orcs are really into late-age comedy, though. I do not want this nickname catching on. You know that's the worst thing you can say when a nickname starts catching on. Don't call me Paula. Hey, remember what we all called Baron Boner? Isn't that fun? Hey, Mr. Steve-O. Not nearly as much fun as calling you Paula.

That's going up on the Tumblr. Who wants to Photoshop Skid's head on Paula Poundstone's body? I don't even understand. Was Paula Poundstone really bad at projectile weapons or something? She hit her children with her fist. Notoriously bad. Okay. All right. I'm fine. I'm Paula fucking Poundstone. with her fist. Notoriously bad. Okay. Alright.

Keep that woman away from the crossbow. Try. Now it's Omas' turn. Omas chugs a potion. To heal himself because he took a pretty brutal blow early on in the fight. And now he's back up to full health.

Alright. All right. Round four. You can see shadows of other creatures starting to come through the portcullis, but you don't see them yet. And now it is the two remaining orcs moves. So, the guy,

Hexy McGillicuddy, he moves up. Actually, no, he comes back at Gormley. So he chases Gormley after sliding through his legs. And scratching his thigh like a fucking creep show. And he's swinging with a greataxe, I believe. No, it was a great sword, I believe. It was not.

No, great sword is Omas. Oh, right, right. But you know what? It's a 14, and he misses! Fucking A. Well, these, right. But you know what? It's a 14, and he misses! Oh! Fucking A. Well, these guys are not really that good. It was a great axe that almost killed Gormley once, wasn't it? In the...

That was a falchion. That was a falchion? Falchion, yeah. Oh, baby. But thank you for bringing up that very painful time in Gormley's life. Appreciate that. Either way, don't want to be hit by it. I successfully repressed it. And then this, the other orc

drops his whatever the hell he was, his spike chain, I think it was. That's what it was. He drops his spike chain and takes out a javelin, and with his last, last throw of his life, chucks a javelin at... Does he have

quick draw? Because that's a move action to fucking switch his weapon. I don't make you use a move action. I spent a feat. You know what? He's right. He's totally right. But you guys switch weapons all the time. As part of a move action. As a move, it's an action.

Alright, then he dies. As he's pulling out his javelin, he falls dead. He's like, I'll get you! I mean, it's fair because he literally is ten feet away. He has no way of attacking you unless you switch his weapons. And in the effort to switch a weapon... It's a move action. Just to clarify, that was the orc that called me Paula Poundstone, right?

It was, yes. I sit and Glow says, now that's funny! That's good. It's better than anything Paula Poundstone ever did. You're now up to Gallagher status. How about Gallagher 2? His brother.

I'd need a war hammer then if I'm going to be Gallagher. You guys are old. None of the references we make occur but refer to anything that occurs past like 1994. Just then you see three more orcs

come storming through the gates in a haphazard passion? Passion? Fashion. In a haphazard, I was trying to say pattern and fashion. Right. In a haphazard passion. In a haphazard haberd In a haphazard haphazard fashion. Haberdash,

haberdash, haberdash. Are you sure you're not Omas? I need some soothe syrup right now. They come running through and then you see

another dude way in the back behind the broken portcullis and he's just kind of chilling back there but you can kind of see him in the distance

and they're going to take turns firing things at you. One throws a... Actually, no, they've all got bows, just to make it easy. The first one... They didn't until this moment. They're going to fire...

Are they all rolling on cover? Because we're all equally behind the barricade as they are. Yep, so they'll all roll cover and they're going to attack in this order. Lork, Farron, Galabras. I think they should attack at this advantage. Okay, now the first guy rolled a 20 to hit.

That fails. Wait, a 20 fails against your AC? Natural potion of bark skin, baby. Holy shit, what's your AC right now? I don't think I want to tell you. Don't tell him. Because he'll fudge the roll. Alright, well, I'm not even going to roll my cover then. Alright, so the next

one, roll misses. That's against Baron, I believe. Yep, and then the last one against Galabras also misses. Useless. Invisible! And then you see this dude just go with a flint and light something in his hands.

Push that fucking boulder away from us. Omos is still in front of us. And now it is Lork's turn. There's a lot of shit going down. Guys, Gormley goes, get this guy off me. Yeah, Lork is not going to. He's going to get away from the boulder for now to help Gormley, because that guy is still on Gormley. Came up behind her and missed, I think, right?

But still, he's going to... There's a lot of shit going down. I feel like we should take a second to check back in. So the Portcullis broke open. Six orcs rushed in. Craziness happened. You guys at this point have wiped out five of them. Five of the six.

And one of them is still standing there and missing every attack against Gormley, but standing up and Gormley shit while you guys are having croissants and coffees in the back. Now, in the meantime, three new orcs have come in all armed with crossbows.

Three misses at Lork, Baron, and Galabras. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just to be clear, and this is like super fucking nerdy. You said they had bows. Do they have bows or do they have crossbows?

Because if they have crossbows, they can't keep moving at us and shooting. They have composite shortbows. Right, so they can keep moving at us and shooting. So that's something to be aware of. Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.

Right. And in the meantime, way back behind the towers, you see this guy start lighting something in his hand. And now it is Lork's turn. Lork is going to... He wants to save Gormley.

Honestly, there's a companionship there, so he's actually going to charge from the back. What? Up at this guy. So you're now flanking. Flanking and charging, like all kinds of bonuses. The guy doesn't see him coming. He's got a masterwork battle axe.

It should just be a hideous death. This is going to be great. This is what I'm hoping for. This is what I'm hoping for. Oh, come on. I should also mention he has a minus two to saves. You're such a dick. I annihilated his fucking ass.

I think I rolled a 29 to hit Yeah, even with the minus 2 to saves That's a hit Fuck off Even with the minus 2 to saves Great hit That was good What's the damage?

The damage is 14 points of damage 14 points of damage Is enough to kill him. Yeah. There you go, Gormley. Cut the logs, he says. Cut the logs. So the entire first wave

has now been killed. I can't believe only one of them got to enact ferocity and he died changing weapons. That fucking loser. That's his fault. I think that's DM failure honestly

Shut the fuck up he's being nice to us today Did you see him give out a bottle cap earlier Oh my god unheard of And you leveled up The Grinch's heart grew like ten times Troy does have a heart That beats Baron's turn

Um Baron is going to move forward to man the logs right correct and uh he's not going to do anything logs yet he's going to rapid reload and he is going to get he's going to get up close and deadly with the orc immediately across from him. And he is going to roll 27 against Touch AC. Does that hit? And then he's rolling...

Oh, wait! I rolled a 27? Was it a natural 20? Yeah, that was a 20. This would be the first done crit. It will. 16 against Touch AC. You confirmed a crit.

Oh, my God! It's times four. We've never guessed. Times four. You picked three cards. I picked the best one. Oh, my God. Wait, so excited.

I don't get four? I get three? Three. So the only reason you weren't sure is because you're using a computer rolling system, right? He's using an app on his iPad. Not the cheating app. So he rolled and just looked at the total that the app on his iPad. Not the cheating app. So that was a... So he rolled

and just looked at the total that the computer gave him, not at the original die. Because otherwise he'd be like, I rolled a 20! I was like, 27 is really fucking high

and I realized my bonus was seven. Don't those cards say like blunt, piercing, slashing? That means you have six options because you're going to blunt and piercing.

Yeah. Hey, Skid, tell me about confirmed crits. Tell me about confirmed crits. Tell us about confirmed crits. Okay, so when you roll critical, it's just like weapons have different critical ranges. So it's like you roll,

but usually it's basically 20. If you roll a 20 on the die, it's a potential critical hit. So you potentially give a really big hit. So then you roll again on the 20-sided die. And if the second roll would have resulted in a regular hit or better, that confirms the critical

and you get to pull one of these really fun critical cards. Yeah, so the basic idea behind it is that if you rolled a critical every time you rolled a natural 20, eventually you'd roll too many criticals. It would be overpowered because when you get more attacks and stuff like that, you actually do roll 20 10% of the time, so it adds up. And that is the way it used to do roll 20 10% of the time. So it adds up.

And that is the way it used to be. Or 5% of the time. But it adds up. In original D&D and AD&D, it used to be just you roll a 20, it's critical. Right. So now you have to confirm it, which means sometimes it makes it more rare and more awesome. Yep. Well, this is the first time we've had a confirmed crit on the show.

Well, from the gun. I've been waiting for this because it's times four. So I only get to choose from three cards, though. Yes. Because on times three, you get to choose from three cards, though. Yes. Because on times three, you get to choose from two. Times two, you get two cards. So out of all these, what's better, being stunned or staggered? Stunned. A hundred thousand percent.

So I have hit them with a nerve cluster. Aha. We hit the spider with one of those. Yeah, Lork hit the spider with a nerve cluster a long time ago. Stunned, they can't do anything. So I do ten damage, and they are stunned for two rounds. Completely take him out of the fight. That is awesome.

You do ten damage, so you've knocked him below zero. Great point back. First of all. So he's done. He's dead. Second of all. Yeah, you've murdered him done He's dead Second of all And he's Yeah you murdered him

Yeah so So in the next round While he's stunned He would try to do something With his Zorg Ferocity But it'd just be Basically paralyzed And then pass out

And this is the guy On the far Your far left My right Dead He's essentially dead Nicely done Oh the first gun crit

I was waiting for that one They like shot him Like right in the solar plexus And he's like Yeah Right in the nerve cluster Dropped to his knees Just

Staring at you Not unlike the The toddler Full of ranged weapons Alright Gormley Gormley is gonna Grab her hope knife That's hanging around her neck

What? And yank it out. And cut the rope. Oh, shit! So you're going to cut the rope holding the logs. Oh, my God. I love this. So there's one guy in the range of that attack.

I was not expecting this. Is that a standard action or a full round action? Cutting the logs. The standard action is a standard action. Yeah, if you want it to be done in one round. It's a 25 to hit. I rolled the logs for you. It's a plus 15. I rolled a 10.

25 to hit. It does 3d6 points of bludgeoning damage and brings him below zero. Oh, awesome. Gorbs! Gorbly! And then for her move action, she's going to sheath her hope knife and pull.

Which she was not totally supposed to use, by the way. She totally broke with tradition to do that. And she's going to pull her crossbow out and be ready for the next thing. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I forgot about that. She's breaking tradition. But she doesn't give a shit. She's living in the mountains.

So Gorbly's like, ah! C cuts with it, takes this orc out, and he's knocked prone. Which means the simple act of getting up could be enough to kill him. Yes. Yes. All right, it is Galabras' turn. All right, Gal is Galavris' turn. All right, Galavris is... So there's no one left between the two parricades where we are. There are two orcs still standing.

Two orcs still standing, and I lied. He isn't knock-prone. I rolled a reflex save, and he stood up. But he's below zero. You could, with your spark, start thinking about preparing that boulder. I will do that. So Glybris will step up, will clamber down from the barricade, and go over to the boulder and prepare to use his zero-level spell spark to set it ablaze.

It's ranged. We need to have it start moving before you do it, though, so we can push it, right? Okay. Well, you can light it and then push it. It's ranged. We need to have it start moving before you do it, though, so we can push it, right? Okay. Well, you can light it and then push it. It's fine. You also can light a range. You have a 25-foot range on it. So here's the thing.

It's going to take... He reaches out his hand and his three fingers sparks dance between his three fingers and touches it to the boulders. Hold on. Hold on. I'm just a little slow, but I have a great sound for this. Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire. Desire.

Yeah, the boulder. Blazing flames. Green flames surround the boulder, and it's going to take someone strong to push it when you're ready. But in the meantime, that flame has no intention of going out. Oh, awesome, so this giant beacon, basically, is lit. All right, Omast.

Omast! Orc yells, Omast, get out of the way! Omast runs up to this dude. Oh yeah. The one that, actually no, he should run up to, he runs up to the guy. Oh, yeah. The one that... Actually, no. He should run up to... He runs up to the guy that isn't about to die. And attacks him with his great sword. And hits.

Oh, he hits him. Big time. Nice. And knocks him to zero. Oh, he hits him. Big time. Nice. And knocks him to zero. Awesome. Round five. The first guy, the one that Gormley... Logged.

Logged with his last remaining breath. And you have cover, too. He misses! It dies. That's orc number eight, for those of you following at home. And then the one next to Omast with his last breath.

He hits Omast. He hits Omast pretty bad. Ooh, he fucks up Omas for 12 points of damage fuck ouch Omas has really been a great impressive warrior

Omas you see Omas like whip back because you guys are all behind Omas he gets hit by the great sword so hard

that he like flinches back and blood kind of squirts everywhere. Like the sweat off a boxer. It's like... You guys see this all from behind. And that orc dies as well.

And then the one remaining orc way behind the Fort Cullis hurls this looks like a clay globe that you can see as it's spinning towards Gormley.

It's lit on fire. Who's closest? Let me see. Omas. Omas, yeah, but it's going, he's aiming for people at the barricade. So he throws this grenade. Thanks, Baron. Baron pointed at Baron.

Gormley makes sense. Very helpful. It really makes sense to hit Gormley. Ah, 16. It's a miss. Does not hit. Ha ha! Okay, so what happens is... Oh, right. It's a grenade, right? It's a grenade, so it did not directly hit you.

It does splash damage. So the grenade lands right sort of behind you to the right. So it's going to do splash damage on Lork and Galabras. Excuse me, and Gormley. I am sweating. I know. What's the splash damage? First, you both roll a reflex save. 17.

Seven for Gormley. Gormley did not pass. Lork did. I have been rolling terribly in this game. Yeah. But at least you just got hit by an explosive. Well, that makes everything better. You both take four points of fire damage.

Warwick, you take two points of fire damage. Huh. It's not too bad. It could have been much worse, calmly. I love the smell of burnt oak in the morning. Whoever thought of burning a witch? And then this bombardier, noticing that his compatriots have all died, takes a step back out of sight. What the fuck do you mean?

So for a second, we don't see any witch. For a second, you don't see anyone. What do you do? Start rolling this boulder. You're still in combat. Well, no, I think we've got to hold on the boulder, right? Don't we want to see a line of enemy? I'm going to say, Omos, get behind the barricade.

Yeah, but I think Lork... Okay, so Omos, on his turn, will come back. I think, Lork, you should still get ready to push it. No, I absolutely will. I mean, we're already back there. I'll take a few steps back to get ready to push the log. But I don't want to hit Omos, so I'm not going to push it this round. I'm going to tell him to get back, and then we've got to see what comes through that gate.

I don't want to waste it. I think Gormley might want to get over towards my wood barricade, the log pile that hasn't been triggered yet, in case I need to fire and then someone else wants to, like, let him go, I'm guessing. Sure. So Gormley will rush over to Baron,

uh, hope knife at the ready, ready to cut. Here's a question. Was that, like, a free action, telling Omos to get behind the barricade? Or I should wait until after his turn? My question is, I could move back to the boulder, and I could ready an action that is like,

as soon as I see someone come through the gate, I could push the boulder. But I'm not going to do it if Omos is there. So can I say that as a readied action? If somebody comes to the barricade, and I'm not going to hit Omos, I'll push it instantly when that happens. I think of it like playing pool. You're calling your shot. If this condition and this condition is fine.

Gormley is not going to ready in action if the boulder is going to go first. So Gormley just backed up behind the boulder. Lork? No, Gormley moved up behind the logs, ready to cut the logs. Oh, behind the other set of logs. Yeah. Okay. And Baron, what are you doing? Baron's gonna stay

where he is and get ready to shoot anyone. Depending on the situation, I might shoot another flare into a big group. We'll see what happens. Standing behind the barricade. Galabras, what are you doing? How's everybody's hit points? I'm good. I have been untouched so far. I'm okay.

Everyone's like, your bark skin. Your bark skin. Yeah, I'm okay that Everyone's like your own asking your barks. All right, almost needs some Glad oh, you almost okay. I almost took a 12-point hit. Everyone's potions are still in effect, right? Oh Yeah, it's gonna be a while Galavers is gonna wait stay waiting by the boulder because he knows Lorik just told him to come back here and he shouts at Omos

come back Omos I'll heal you okay and then Omos listening to both Lorik and his best friend Galabras his best friend in the whole world makes double moves back friend, Galabras. His best friend in the whole world.

Makes double moves back up to you guys. So he's behind Gormley and Baron, who are standing right in front of the remaining log pile, and standing to the left of his best friend, Galabras. And on the other side of Galabras is

Lork, who is ready to push this boulder. Put his hands right in the fire to push it. I didn't say it, but I wanted him ready in action to heal him when he came up to me. That's what I assumed. Okay, roll to heal him. He took 12 points of damage. So I use the wand. Oh, nine.

That wand is amazing. You and that wand are amazing together. I love this wand. It's like magic That's what she said So you guys are all standing there And all of a sudden you see That battering ram that they used

To crash through the gates It's starting to move, it's starting to shake And then you see it come Rushing at you Very very slowly with nine orcs Five on one side, four on the other, coming straight for the entire party

to crash through the front barricade while Lork stands behind the boulder, Galabras to his left, Omas to his left, and Gormley and Barrett standing in front of the logs, and we'll pick it up here next time. I knew you were going to do that!

Asshole, man! I will murder you! Fuck do that! You fucking asshole, man! I will murder you! Fucking asshole. You're worse than Omas. Outro Music