The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 22 - Blame It On the Chain

Episode Date: October 27, 2015

It's a showdown on the banks of the Hopespring, as a gigantic foe slogs relentlessly through the water towards our desperate and exhausted heroes in our longest episode yet! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. So, as someone who has played through so many Final Fantasy games, having so many unused expendables that I thought I was going to save up for a sweet battle. Oh, I'm in that club, man. I am going to throw these sweet grenades. Throw everything. Baron is throwing everything he has at TrueNow's giant problem. That is not a hill giant what

the fuck is that that holy shit it's Gormley shows off an amazing new power you can just levitate once a day that's insane Troy summons an angry skin all right well I'm out that's it yeah you reach my threshold like already and Galabras summons a creature of unimaginable power. Now, you're going to have to deal with a fucking celestial dolphin. The adventure continues now. Hello, hello, hello, my friends. What is up? It is the Glass Cannon Podcast.

We're back. We're excited. It's another week of gaming. I, uh, you know, I'm just glad to be here. I'm happy to be back in the intro. I like it. You know, I don't feel like, uh, I feel like I haven't seen you guys in a few weeks. And I just want to, uh, spend a little quality time together. And, uh, I don't know, what do I want to talk about? Uh, well, after last week's show, and if you haven't listened already, what are you doing? Just go listen to last week's show and then listen to this. After last week's show, I think you saw that Lork almost had a certain death situation.

And so I think I want to talk about character death for a minute and not by the rules. And you all know that I'm a rules junkie. I don't want to talk about the rules of character death. I want to talk about what happens in real life when characters die. People get pissed. That's what happens. That's the short of it. You know, you put a part of yourself, as Grant suggested,

then when the light suddenly goes out on them, you can be justifiably pretty pissed. And that can lead some DMs, not, of course, the soulless husk that is Troy, but it can lead some DMs that have feelings to keep their player characters alive out of fear of upsetting their player. But I want to talk about why character death is awesome in the right doses. I mean, it's got to be the right context. And then also I want to talk about why there hasn't been a character death on the show yet. First of all, character death is awesome. It's easy to say when it's not your character, I know, but the true threat of character death is what can get your heart pounding in a game. I know it's what gets mine pounding. I'm a gamer nerd and I'm a huge sports

fan. Okay, so here's an example. There's no tabletop board game out there that gets my heart pounding the way that my professional sports team does when they're within striking distance of winning a playoff game. Except for Pathfinder. And the reason I get that way is because of the threat of character death. It's the single most important thing to really get yourself all wrapped up in it. You feel like you've actually got something on the line. wrapped up in it. You feel like you've actually got something on the line. Any sports fan that wants to mock me right now for being a nerd and emotionally investing in some fantasy has definitely forgotten that their own involvement in their sports team is in every way a fantasy.

They don't play for the team. They certainly don't own the team if I'm friends with them or know them at all. And whether their team wins it all or shits the bed, either way, they have to get up in the morning and still just go to work. Or in Troy's case, get up in the morning and read how to trick one of your players into getting loaded into a trebuchet. The point is, if you as a GM kill off a character, fair and square, it's got to be fair and square. The players may get pissed, but now they know that you won't let them off the hook so easy. And suddenly the stakes are raised for your players and they're more invested. And as a player to talk to the players out there, don't be such a baby. Think about the great deaths in literature and in film, the great heroic deaths where you thought, no, no, when you read it or watched it.

How much more invested were you in Game of Thrones when, beep, died? Those are the best stories. We were heartbroken because we were invested. That's what it's all about. Investment. You want to make your players happy? Then keep all their characters alive after they fall into a pit of lava or pick a fight with a dragon for no reason and watch your game just fizzle out within a year. You want to have a long-term game with serious investment? Kill a character, and your game will last for a decade. All right.

I've already taken up a lot of your time, but I want to address character death on the show real quick. There have been some really close calls, as you know. Off the top of my head, Gormley almost went down in Sarah and Hagrid's house when she got crit by that falchion, but then we found out it missed because of concealment because of the smoke in the house. Baron almost died just a few weeks ago with that monitor lizard that was eating him alive. That was insane. And then last week, Lork's little amusement park ride, that was not amusing to me at all.

But the roll went my way. It was luck. There was a damage range on that fall of five to 30, and Lork took nine. That's crazy lucky. Now, is Troy fudging the roles to keep the characters alive for the show? I truly don't think so. I know him as a DM from other games, and he's killed before. Mark my words, my friends, he'll kill again. He may act like he's afraid of Angry Skid, but he's not. Actually, I think he might be. That's enough. Let's get going. If you haven't asked your friends to rate us on iTunes,

then please ask your friends to rate us. We're trying to get to 100 reviews, and we're so close, and it would be awesome if you helped out. If you don't want to ask them and make it weird, then just grab their phone and write a review for them. Beggars can't be choosers. We'll take it however we can get it. Thanks guys for hanging out. Thanks for listening. It's awesome to talk directly to you and I'm just so glad that you're enjoying the show. And man, oh man, if I told you what is coming right now in this episode you wouldn't believe me it's insane and I chose that word deliberately

get comfortable it is time for our longest episode yet let's do it I'm looking at Troy and he can't even start the episode because he's I can tell he's like working out how shitty this is going to be. He has so many

calculations he's doing in his head. There's almost no way I know, I can tell. That's just his normal way he looks. He's looking at it and he's like there's no way that I'm going to get out of this without Skid fucking flipping the table over and permanently quitting the podcast. Am I wrong? Tell me I'm wrong.

This is going to test your patience. See, I knew it. I'm going to quit. I should just quit right now. I should just walk out right now. Just go, Sid. We don't want you anymore. You literally were like, go record on the episode. I'm ready to go. And then just sat there working out the math in your head of

how could they... I'm sorry, Matthew. God damn it. He looks happy that he's going to kill one of us, but also worried that I'm going to walk out of here. We're just describing Troy's face. I've already said I can't do any other accents. So if you kill, don't kill me. I could do another character.

Skid can do like 45 accents. I can do a funny Italian. I can do something, you know. Hey! I know, I just watched the look on Matthew's. Well, that would be the Fun It's like me watching

The look on Matthew's face As I did a shitty Italian accent I can see Baron dying And coming back As an oracle To the party He's like

Hey there I'm an oracle I've been cursed By the god of death I've been inhabited By the spirit Of your dead friend Who's the only other person

In this world With an accent like this Oh Well You know what The adventure path Is called Giant Slayer So you had to know

At some point There was gonna be A giant involved Yeah In 22 episodes later In the first book In the first book No less They're fucking giants I guess there is A scale of giants There's a sliding scale Of giants What do they start involved in 22 episodes later. In the first book? In the first book?

No less. They're fucking giants. I guess there is a scale of giants. There's a sliding scale of giants. What do they start? Skid, could you tell us basically, they end at cloud giants. That's the top level, highest giant out there.

I think storm giants. Storm giants. And then they start at stone giants. Do we have a music cue? Skid's got something plain to do. It is time for a party. That is the best song I've ever heard in my life. I love that fucking song so much. Thanks again, Nick Lowe.

Tweet us when it gets old. Storm Giants at the top. Yeah, Storm Giants are at the top. They're not evil. They're not evil. Cloud Giants. Hold on a second, though. When you say at the top, I mean you're talking like.

They're huge. They're like what? 35 feet tall 50, 35 yeah Yeah they're massive They are what is known In the game as colossal I believe

They're like five or six times The size of like The average human being Yeah Yeah The one that I'm guessing We're going to fight Hill giant

At this point Would be a hill giant And it's probably Going to be a shitty Like hill giants Are like kind of Dumb giant babies So I'm

They're still Incredibly fucking dangerous And probablyumb giant babies So I'm They're still Incredibly fucking dangerous And probably too much For us to handle They're like 12 feet tall No like nine Like not even that big

Oh okay So there's Yeah there's hill giants That's still enormous No no no I know Yeah it's absolutely Two feet taller than And in this world

Where people aren't That big Yeah And so Yeah then there's There's Taiga giants In Path yeah then there's uh and there's there's there's taiga giants in a pathfinder yeah there's fire fire frost fire fire just frost fire fire giants are also big they're they're midway on the scale yeah and all the like hill giants frost giants fire giants

taiga giants stone giants uh also fairly small giants yeah um but frost giants But frost giants Hill giants Fire giants Frost giants All wicked Like all evil Do you guys have a mnemonic To remember those? Yeah

Roy G. Bibb But stone giants Are not inherently evil Which is important For our Rune Lords campaign Incidentally But I digress So yeah

No but I think that Quick plug to Paizo Who who wrote this wonderful adventure. You can check out more in the Giant Slayer's Handbook. I don't know the number. Player's Handbook. No, no, no. There's a giant.

Oh, I'm sorry. Giant Hunter's Handbook. Giant Hunter's Handbook. And then there's a Giant Slayer Player's Companion that you can also download and check out the scale. You can also rent the movie Gi uh from 1956 with james dean is that the oil movie the oil does he fight a hill giant it might come up in your netflix queue like how many storm giants i see it with a leather jacket just walking up i've never seen it i haven't seen it i assume I assume he fights giants

I don't know why else They'd call it that I've seen it And it's fantastic It's kind of like There will be blood Drew a lot from it But that is somehow

Even less people Listening to the podcast Have seen it Than the 13th warrior From the previous episode We brought up So Yeah

Have you seen The Jurassic Park yet Troy In the Since we No No I I'll be sure to let you know Yeah Have you seen Jurassic Park yet, Troy? In the Since we No, no I'll be sure to let you know When I see it

Never Such an asshole Such a dick I'm never going to drop this Until you see it I was just trying to Think of a James Dean quote From Rebel Out of Cars

Oh, you're tearing me apart Hill giant I did it You nailed it You nailed it The guy made three movies Tearing me apart, hill giant! I did it! You nailed it. You nailed it. The guy made three movies and died. Jim Backus as a hill giant, just yelling at him.

Isn't that Mr. Magoo? That was his dad. Road Hulk! Yeah, he played his dad in Rebel At A Cause. Great Christmas special, by the way. Mr. Magoo's Christmas special. Amazing. Yeah, it's fantastic, and I love it. Music by Julie way. Mr. Magoo's Christmas special. Amazing. Yeah, it's fantastic. And I love. Music by Julie Stein.

Last aside. I love how we're just stalling because we all know someone's going to die. I'm like, can we just not play? Like this time? All right, let's. Did you clowns heal on the way over here? Yeah, I took care of that off air because it's so much less interesting than talking about James Dean movies. fair because it's so much less interesting than talking about james dean movies so uh i should let everybody know that there are i use the wand of cure light wounds which currently only has five

charges after having 24 when we started this battle yep also and listening to an earlier episode where we fought the flood troll i actually used one of my flare cartridges there uh it just didn't hit so that's why we thought when i used it the first time it was the first time it appeared so i'm i'm actually out of flare cartridges uh so and then the other thing which we didn't take care of uh off air which we probably should have was some of that loot you said that there were composite short bows there were indeed um what are the strength rating on those oh nothing too significant too significant. Let me just check. Does plus three strength do anything for you? Are you kidding?

Yeah, they're all plus three strength. Holy shit. That is Lork's strength, exactly. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has a 16 strength, so he gets a plus three. So the composite short bow, it adds your strength bonus to the damage.

It's a little harder to pull back, so it fires a little harder, and you get your strength bonus on the damage. Oh, that little harder to pull back, so it fires a little harder, and you get your strength bonus on the damage. That's great. Are you going to use that then instead of your longbow? Yeah, for now. Look, the longbow has some sentimental value, so I'm not going to get rid of it entirely,

but I'm not going to bring it into battle. You're carrying like ten weapons and two bows. You have to be heavily in combat. No, no, no. I let it go, the longbow, but I'm going to come back and get it later. But I got a shortbow, longspear, and masterwork battleaxe. What did you do with the falchion? You dropped it?

Yeah, when I got the masterwork battleaxe. Yeah, and obviously, when you're doing dungeon crawling and whatnot, and you defeat an encounter, then you loot the bodies. All right, you found two falchions, two things. This is the middle of a war. So I'm assuming you're not going to be able to take three hide armors, the bodies that are you found two fountains to this this is the middle of like a war so i'm not i'm assuming you're not you're not going to be able to take three hide armors three falchions three bows and become waddling up to the hope screen with all this stuff

it just doesn't make sense until somebody has a handy haversack i'm assuming you only take what you need and you draw like if the hide armor was better than somebody's other armor they ripped it off put on the hide armor and that was it. And you left it behind. Can we pee on it where it is so that people know that it's ours and don't touch it? Do you want to make sure there's no alchemical substance on it before you pee on it? No, okay. Roll perception. Galabras pees on it.

A little too risky. All right, so... Normally pops a squat. Good God. Not the Mark's treasure like witch urine alright we've sufficiently stalled long enough

I'm just gonna take you back take you back in time 44 episodes but probably only a couple hours of game time you were at

Roderick's funeral the war horn sounded true now was under attack you go you see Brynja about to be strung up Lork intimidates

the cleric or whatever the clergyman takes her down you guys get into the inner quarter was under attack. You go, you see Brynja about to be strung up. Lork intimidates the cleric or whatever, the clergyman, takes her down. You guys get into the inner quarter. You see all the medics, just your friends

and other guards just half dead and they're trying to piece people back together, healing them. There's that big fight with Sarah Morninghawk. You go to the bar

and have all that stuff and then the tower with the guy beating his drum and then you go through the purple smoke and you guys have really been through a lot now that I think about it. The beast tamer comes out and then the tower with the guy beating his drum and then you go through the purple smoke and you guys have really been through a lot now that I think about it. The beast tamer comes out and lets the dogs, lets loose the dogs

of war on you guys and then you hear Ernstl and the other dude almost get fucked. Baron almost dies and then you come out. Lorksun murdered. You guys wipe out five more orcs and then eight what was it like a 14 round fight with four waves of orcs. It was about 17 rounds it like a 14 round fight with four waves it was about 17

after bombardiers i think we killed about i think we killed about 17 orcs monitor lizard you finally get all that done then you rush to the hope spring light the beacon from afar using gormley's spark and then you see here like orcs retreating and whatnot but the battle is still raging on they tell you get to the get to the to the, get to the barter stones, get to the barter stones. You go to the barter stones, you wipe out these three bombardiers, not before Lork is launched 50 feet through the air and almost murdered.

Be it not for some shitty role. The luck of Desna. You know, I was thinking. Yeah. It might have a little something to do with Desna. Lork might owe some. Yeah,

Desna is watching over us A little residual luck Like Yeah You did touch him At the beginning of the He did He did

So Lurk might owe some Some offerings To Desna Now have we talked about The Hope Spring before? I don't think I mean briefly

When you were talking about Lighting the Hope Spring beacon But again it was In a situation Where it was so intense We were just trying To get there And light the beacon

Right But the actual Hope Spring Like to me There's a difference Between the Hope Spring Right The beacon was just

A pile of wood nearby Right But the Hope Spring Itself is It's spelled It's spelled It is a It is a fresh

Both a fresh And reliable spring That wells up from deep within Blood March Hill before cascading down into a small waterfall down into the town's reservoir in Lower Trunau. And Trunau actually gets all its fresh water from the Hope Springs. This is probably why they built the town here, I would imagine. They said its existence is the reason the town was founded here in the first place. Yeah. Nice job. Sounds like a bottle cap.

All civilizations are underwater, yeah. All right, you get a bottle cap. Talk to me and do it. Skid's got one channel left, so we're going to need it. We're going to need it. You guys know what you got

for spells and everything and whatnot? Or what's left? Yeah, there's not a lot left. It's probably pretty easy to... Yeah, we're going in bare bones all right hardest fight of the whole thing so you guys actually i should i'm going to cast aid um on joe uh on loric which is my second level domain spell make sure you wait until we see like the giant right i mean well it lasts for like a while so it only lasts one minute per level well it's three yeah okay yeah

so let's just i don't want i don't want to run into combat and like that be my combat action. No. Yeah, I understand. I understand. I think that one of the things we've said in the past was you could like set up like an instinct action, which is like the next time he sees immediate danger or an encounter. Yeah, like when I know that like danger is really close, I will cast it just so it's not in combat.

And that danger you could probably deduce would be a giant from all the steps we've seen all over the place. So you could probably say giant-sized danger before you do that.

Also the fact that the people on the tower, didn't they say giant? Nope. That, no, didn't hear it. It's a giant!

There it is. That was a clue they were speaking in. So the Hope Spring kind of like rolls down this waterfall into the town's reservoir. Right. So the area of the Hope Spring is actually lower than the hill that makes up, that Upper True Now is built on, which is Blood March Hill.

And there's a waterfall that leads down into this giant, you know, kind of, we'll call it a lake. And we were up in Upper True Now for like the funeral and stuff, right? Isn't the Commons in upper, on top of the hill? And back at episode one, the whole festival that happened, the Hope Knife ceremony, that was up as well. But now we're at the bottom of the hill. Right, so you guys have made your way through town, down, down, down, down, down,

and now you, to get to the Hope Spring, you've got to come back in, because you guys had left to go to the Barterstone, so you've got to come back in through because you guys had left to go to the Barterstone, so you've got to come back in through the main gate and come along the road. You guys are running through houses, some of which are burnt, bodies everywhere, orcs and humans alike. Toddlers. A couple of halflings.

Filled with weapons. Dead children everywhere. You're happy now, Joe. Chalk full of axes. No, I got my axe out. I got my axe out. Oh, you did? Okay. And you guys get to the Hope Spring. A couple of things, you see.

No. So you come down this road. First off, the Hope Spring. And there is a gigantic lake in front of you, which you know to be the Hope Spring. The reservoir. The reservoir, yes. And you would say, say oh it's 50

feet uh 60 feet wide at its widest part uh and on the uh far to your far right uh you can see the water uh you see a giant. And make sure you check out- On the other side of the water? Make sure you check out the Tumblr, because this is what this mofo looks like. Whoa. That is not a hill giant.

What the fuck is that thing? Holy shit. It's green and has huge mammoth tuts. It's like Hulk fucked a mammoth. I want to see it again. That was too fast. Oh my God. Yeah, describe it. It has huge mammoth tusks. It's like Hulk fucked a mammoth. I want to see it again. That was too fast. Oh, my God. Yeah, describe it.

It just looks like... It looks like it has mammoth tusks. No, no, no. It looks like Blanca from Street Fighter. It does. It does. Crazy roids and 10 feet tall. It's got an orange hair.

With huge tusks. Yeah, with huge mammoth tusks. And shot pointy teeth. And does it have a mutant arm on the right side. It's holding a chain. No, that's another photo in the background. But it is, in this picture, it's holding a chain. Funny you should mention that, Galabras.

Because it has four chains attached to it. Two, one to each of its legs, one to each of its arms. We're fighting Kratos. At the end of each chain, at the end of each chain, is an orc. What? Oh, it's going to throw orcs at us.

So there are two orcs. Oh, this is just across, on the other side of the reservoir? On the shore on the other side? Far, far on the other side of the reservoir. So at least you're, I don't know, 60, 70 feet away. I fucking love this.

Is this orc. Excuse me, the giant. He has two orcs attached to chains to his arms. And then there are two of those beast tamery looking orcs standing in front of it. Attached to two chains at its legs. Everybody roll a perception check. Oh, my God. Oh, so I get a bonus here because...

You're in a town now. Favorite enemy. Eyes the giant. Roll perception checks as well. Glad we're still at 12. 22 for Lork. What is it worth? 24 for Baron.

18 for Gormley. Make sure you check out the Tumblr because there's two great photos of this. Look at that. Amazing photo. I am so sorry you guys are not looking at this art right now because it's so cool. Go to the Tumblr right now. It's on there. Stop.

Stop the episode. Go to the Tumblr. Are you looking? It's just amazing. It's got the picture of the giant and he's got chains around his neck that are leading down to two guys and then two around the arm. It's like the picture of the giant, and he's got chains around his neck that are leading down to two guys, and then two around the arm. It's like Paizo has professional artists doing this stuff. Who knew?

It's incredible. Badass. Badass. Real things. So yeah, two orcs attached to the arms, two orcs attached to the legs. Who rolled the highest perception, and what was it? Baron.

Baron, what'd you roll? 24. Anybody else in the 20s? 22 for Lork. Ah, very good. So Baron and Lork. Notice, behind the giant is what looks to be a cave. It has not been there before.

Lork, you would know this, because you live in this area. That hasn't been there before. It looks like it's been smashed straight through by this warm sheath of the orcs. They're digging. And what is slightly left There's gold in them thar hills. behind the now opening in Bloodmarch Hill is what remains of a little bit of graffiti

of those white swords. They were using the graffiti to mark the shit they were digging. I fucking knew it. That's what I said And Galabras gets a bottle cap Oh yeah You called that

Like ten episodes ago Oh yes I'm so happy Oh my god They're working their way To the sanctuary Those fucks Had you read

Troy had you Like a fucking Like a bank heist Right exactly They're working right Into the vault Under the sanctuary Had you read far enough Into the adventure To know vault under the sanctuary. Had you read far enough

into the adventure to know that when he called it? Had I read far enough? I don't know. He knows everything. I immediately made a note. I said,

when this moment happens, remember to give Skid a bottle cap because he called it like way in advance. Hey! I'm so proud of myself. So remember when you guys

were in the basement of the plague house? There was like, when you fought the shadow rats there was a tunnel yeah they were digging a tunnel they were digging a tunnel there

and it just sort of ended and there was a you know a priestess or whatever lying on the ground that was the thing I was going to bring up is we never got an explanation

it was a priest of Nulgrith who had been murdered right and was dead for a while and we never got any explanation for what he was doing there what happened there so that's something i think that might be significant too that we never really were able to sounds like you're working towards another future bottle cap

but hang on but hang on let's like let's talk about this for a minute so if there's a piece of a priest of nolgreth they're at the dig is it possible that true now was built on some like important orc thing that's I mean that was like an orc graveyard

or yeah or like an important or artifact I was thinking artifact yeah but like similar to like

a Native American like sacred site or whatever and we build a town on top of it without knowing so not only has true now

been this like bastion of humanity in the middle of this orc stronghold but it's been on top of it without knowing. So not only has True Now been this bastion of humanity in the middle of this orc stronghold, but it's been on top of this artifact. Dare I say it, by the way, that the hold of Belkson is built around a former sky citadel that the dwarves lost.

Is that true? That is true. Okay. That's where their current main city is where they rule everything. Oh, that's right. I read that in the Gazetteer, the Belkson Gazetteer. I read it in the Dwarves of Galerion Paizo Companion book. Nerded!

Oh, you're such a loser. There might be some... Golden them there hills. There's something under there. Well, who's got knowledge local to try and figure out... I do. I do.

We all do now. We all do now. It's pretty low for Lork, but... For a cop, got an eight. 19 for Gormley. 21 for Galabros. 19 for Baron. You know, I'm glad Lork is an adventurer, because he was a terrible cop.

I know. As it turns out. I guess it was not in Lork's most recent paperwork. Didn't come across his desk. About distinguishing giants, but everyone except Lork knows this to be a cave giant.

I have never heard of those. Ooh. We talked about so many times. Yeah, we talked about so many giants and we didn't cover cave giants So what size is it Troy? How large is it?

Oh it sits 11 feet high That's the odd No no no These guys There has to be some sort of connection To the Darklands There has to be some sort of connection Anyway

What do we know about them? Do we know anything about them? Who rolled the 21? I rolled over 20 I rolled 20 something You rolled over over 20. I rolled 20-something. You rolled over 20 as well. 22, I think. I rolled 21, I think.

Uh, you know that they also have ferocity. Oh, giant ferocity? Stay on the other side of the lake, please. And so you do the math, and you think that this was probably like a baby giant that was stolen from its nest and raised by these orcs but raised in captivity and like tortured. See I had it completely reversed. I thought that it

tied the orcs to it and was like you are my slaves but it's the other way around the orcs are holding it as a slave and using it as an ant like a herd animal. This is like the cave troll in Fellowship of the Ring. Yeah. It is. Or in Harry Potter. uh this is a cave giant so check it out the uh the the hope check it out the hope spring here is uh pretty wide uh as you can see and it also costs two squares of movement to move through each area of the blue so wait so it's not so it's not too deep it's like

you can walk through it well you can walk through it um it's not too deep. It's like you can walk through it. You can walk through it. It's like a bog almost. So it slows you down walking through it. So this thing is just going to keep slowly walking towards us as we watch. As we take shots at it.

With our composite short balls? Or will it? Seriously, I can't even do the math, but it's 50, 60 feet away, and that's going to take rounds for you to get there unless somebody, and that's usually double move, double move, double move, double move. Our favorite sound effects app, Syrinscape, has some giant footsteps. I can't wait to hear this. He's not moving yet.

Well, I mean, We saw him come out I mean It shakes the very earth Shakes the very earth Wow Do you know what Do you know what this reminds me of Do you know what this reminds me of

What Jurassic Park Oh wait I've never seen that You've never seen it in Jurassic Oh no you don't know Only assholes He doesn't get there

Well you know what Let's Jurassic roll for initiative Here we go The initiative Of Your Lives Only assholes. He doesn't get that. Well, you know what? Let's Jurassic Roll for initiative. Here we go. The initiative of your lives. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, boy. The old giant killer.

Looks like it rolled well. All right. Over 20? 21. 24. For the Lork well. Alright, over 20? 21. 24. For the Lork Master. For Baron. Gormley. 14. 14 for

Gormley. Gormley! And what about you, Gal? Six. Six? I rolled a six. I rolled a six. Okay. That horse knows

What I'm talking about Let The combat With the giant Began Ah Ah Ah

Lork is ready to do Some giant hunting Baron Calabros is pissing himself Ha ha ha In In retrospect Baron you are up

Yeah this is rough For the gun Correct me if I'm wrong That gun does not have A far range Yeah see this is where The the gun. Correct me if I'm wrong, that gun does not have a far range. Yeah, see, this is where the bow is a little bit better. Oh, was I able to cast aid right before? Yes, yes.

Okay, well, let me roll your... So aid is a second-level domain spell that I have because of my luck domain, so it's a special spell that I get from my particular aspect of Desna, spell that I get from my particular aspect of Desna, and it will give Lork a plus one to his two hit rolls and to his saves against fear effects, so

it'll make him a little more resistant to fear. And 1d8 temporary hit points. It makes him a little stronger, and those hit points are taken off before his regular hit points. So I'm going to roll hit points. Roll high. 1d8 plus three. Roll high. Roll high. Five.

Oh! Better than nothing. I'll take it. Hey, you know, you might be turning Lork for Desna, I got to say. I got to say. I mean, hey, you know. This is huge. I don't want to proselytize, but if I can do Desna's work on Earth and set an example that way, that's all I want to know.

All right. Like Skid or Galapagos? Skid and his girlfriend. I Skid in real life worship Desna. It wouldn't surprise me. Yeah. Sorry, guys.

Can't come out today. It's Desna's birthday. It's not a holiday. Nerdy! All right. Baron. Baron with a gun. What's the range on a gun?

Baron Von 20-foot range. The question is, what's the range on the grenades we just picked up? Good question. Good question. It comes in 10-foot increments. So at 10 feet, you get your full attack bonus plus your dex bonus. And then for every 10 feet after that, you take a minus one. It looks like these guys... You get less

accurate as it gets farther away. Which makes sense. These guys are about, I don't know, 60... I think the beast tamers in front that are controlling the legs are at least 60 feet away, so you would take a minus five. The first 10 feet, you get your full and then every 10 feet after that, you take a minus five. Now, the other thing is... You don't take a minus

five every 10 feet. No, no. That's what I said. That's not what I said. I'm saying... So that you take a minus 5. Now the other thing is... You don't take a minus 5 every 10 feet. No, that's what I said. I'm saying. So you'll take a minus 5 total. But the other thing is, since this is a weapon that does splash damage, if you miss, it goes in a direction equal to the increments that you threw it. So it's never going to do splash damage, really, because if it misses them, it's going to fly off 50, 60 feet.

So you're so far away that if you miss, you're going to miss by a lot. It makes sense. I mean, you guys aren't, this isn't your jam, so you're like, all right, I hope this works. Actually, you know,

I would take into account, and this is something, this is just me talking, if I was DMing, I would take into account how much you missed by. If you missed by one point, I might be like, oh, it misses by two squares.

Yeah, I mean, I've got nothing else to do. It misses by 25 feet. Right, right, right. You barely miss, and it goes like 30 feet over or something. Yeah, I mean, I've got enough. This is like 25 feet. Right, right, right. You barely miss, and it goes like 30 feet over their heads. Right, right. So as someone who has played through so many Final Fantasy games, having so many unused expendables that I thought I was going to save up for a sweet battle. Oh, I'm in that club, man.

I am going to throw caution to the wind, and we had to make it through this battle Before we could even think about using these things again And we're fighting a goddamn enslaved giant With orcs tied by chains to it So until it's within 20 feet of me Where I can effectively shoot it with my pistol I'm going to throw these sweet grenades

We got an alchemist fires So I'm going to let Skid look at my tablet While I roll for the range on a fuse grenade. And you're rolling to hit which orc or a giant? Giant. So you're rolling to hit the giant. And I don't know if this is just against regular AC, I guess.

Well, it would be it's flat-footed AC. It's touch AC, though, right? Yeah. It's flat-footed because you got 26! 26! Is that a critical? though, right? Yeah. It's flat-footed because you got 26. 26? Is that a critical? No, it's a 19.

No, no, no. Nice try, Grant. Alright, you hit the giant with the grenade. 2d6. Oh, shit! That giant is fucked up. And they all take splash damage. All the orcs take splash damage. I did Oh shit! Oh my god! That giant is fucked up! Oh! Yeah, Glamis is like, oh god! And they all take splash damage.

All the orcs take splash damage. And I did 11 damage. Oh! Oh my god! Nice! 11 on a 2d6. And everybody else takes two points of splash damage. Oh!

Oh, that's fucking crazy! What a phenomenal throw! Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! What an opening gambit! Way to start. And because it's the first round, and Baron went before the giant that he's attacking, that was against his flat-footed AC. But at a 26, that was going to probably hit anything.

Holy shit, I can't believe it. All right, Lork is going to, he sees, you know, he's not going to wait across this river anytime soon. He sees they all just took explosion damage, so he's going to shoot his new, he ditched that longbow That was so fucking terrible last week And go with the new composite shortbow With the strength bonus Pulls back It's like Odysseus' bow

Tell me who you're aiming for He's firing for the giant He's shooting for the giant Because it's his favorite enemy So he gets a plus two to the attack Which actually exactly undoes the penalty For firing twice So he's firing twice at full bonus. Excellent.

So, first shot, 19 to hit. That is a hit. And 9 damage. I'm sorry, 8 damage. 8 damage. Okay. Second shot, Natty, 20.

No fucking way! Alright, roll to confirm by the way I already rolled the damage die it's a five out of six so let's just see if I can confirm that's a 17 to confirm did not come damn it all right so that's so that's eight Oh flat-footed yeah it's still did not come Wow so weird you would lie right here I can's so weird you would lie. Right here. I can tell when he's lying. Well, here's what I'll tell you. It has the same flat-footed AC as its regular AC because of its natural. Oh, no, Dexbound is okay.

Oh, yeah, because it's a lumbering slow, yeah. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, back up. I said eight damage on the first one, right? Yes. Ten damage. On this one? No, on the first hit.

Oh, okay. Rangers get plus two to damage against their favorite enemy, too. I forgot about that. All right. So the second one is another 10 damage. Oh, you get five plus five? Five plus three plus another two for the rangers' favorite enemy. Whoa!

Fucking 20 damage! You guys have already done 31 points of damage to that. Oh, my God. That was fucking sick. That is fucking clutch. And you don't take any ranged penalties from being that far away. No. Oh no, not with a bow like his gun does, but a bow, it's like

a hundred feet before you start taking penalties. And you see, that's where the difference comes in. It's like, guns are way more powerful than bows close up, but when you get far away, a bow can still... Joe, bad news. He was actually in melee combat with all of his works tied to his chains.

Yeah, sorry. That's going to be a minus four. That's going to be a cumulative minus four, so it's minus 16 to hit. So in the first round, the first two combatants, Baron and Lorik, have already done 31 damage to this cave giant. He's thrashing around with the chains. Baron had a jump in the air to high five. And I'm like a foot taller Than Joe in real life

Are you moving on your journey? Not a foot Yeah I'll take a Five foot step forward Can you with taking Two shots? Yeah full round action You can also take a

Five foot step Gotta love the five foot step Oh I will Fuck it's too late Forget about it Gormley Talk to me Should I throw a grenade?

Go for it Yeah Just do what, talk to me. Should I throw a grenade? Go for it. Yeah. Just do what you want to do. Do it. Or, oh, no, you can't hex, right? I can't hex from this range, no. Yeah, throw a grenade, dude. Until they close.

I mean, we might as well just use these. I'll throw a grenade for you. So we take, it's an eight. It misses. It ends up, it hits the waterfall 50 feet away. It immediately goes out. You can throw grenades, but just don't go chasing it. Alright, so now there's...

Don't go chasing It was a minus five at this range. So that's two down. So we have four grenades left. Okay, so the, whatchamacallit, the two beast tamers that are on the legs, they release their chains from the legs of the giant and start rushing at you guys across the river.

Meanwhile, the hill giant, excuse me, the cave giant grabs a boulder at his feet and hurls it in the direction of Lork. Oh. Oh! Natty, 20. Jesus Christ. And then he throws a catapult right at Lork.

Did not confirm. Thank God. What the fuck? Never confirmed. A giant boulder comes flying at Lork. And it does... He was too busy aiming his bow. Seven points of damage.

Which is time to fix now bow. Seven points of damage. Which is sound effects now. Does two points of damage. Thank you, Desna, for the aid. Aha! See those five temporary hit points come off first. Temporary hit points. So how do those work? Once he loses them, they don't come back?

Oh, goddammit. I forgot to add the aid into the confirmed crit. Oh, no. that's right. If I was one point away, but whatever. My fault. The giant threw the rock and also begins to move. The beast tamers, you see, have now, with their double move, they moved probably halfway through the spring,

and the giant is closing behind them. And the other two orcs are staying, keeping him on the chains. The other two orcs, you get the sense that they are... They're getting dragged along with the giant. They're trying to control him. Yeah, like a muscled dog.

They're like, move, move! They're telling him to move left, move right, move this leg. So they're trying to control him, but he is pissed. And it is going to be Galabras' turn. I, as Galabras,

am going to start casting Summon Monster 2. Oh! This is new shit! Summon Monster 2? Yes, I'm going to use my... We haven't seen this shit! My second level spell, I'm going to cast Summon Monster 2, and just wait and see what I end up summoning. Well haven't seen this shit My second level spell I'm going to cast Summon monster 2

And Just wait and see What I end up summoning Well when did you get A second level spell At third level At third level You didn't

Did you get access to your You didn't get access to your No You didn't You're right You're right Well then you don't get aid then Well I didn't use it

So Oh no I did for the hit points The hit points We'll lose those hit points I thought we got the... You got back all of your spells you already used, but you don't get any of those third levels. He's right. Actually, I think that he should get aid, because

that is a domain spell. He knows it every day. I said, you get all your powers. And I also, like, I don't need a full night's rest to, like, get my spells, either, as a cleric. Right, how long do you need? I need an hour. You still stipulated a cleric. Right. How long do you need? I need an hour. You still stipulated it though.

Yeah. To balance it out. But I think that you could argue for aid. Yeah, I think it's fine. What I said was you get all your powers, you just don't, it really just affected

the casters. You get all your powers, you just don't get the new spells that you haven't rested yet. Even though it would only take you an hour, there's just been

too much battle. All right, well I'm out. That's it. Yeah, see? You reached my threshold, like, already. Like, that's it. I knew it. That's it.

I'm walking. All right, no, all right, all right. I knew it. I knew it. Sorry. It's so funny, because, like, this is already, like, such a difficult combat to hamstring us even further

by doing shit like that. It's chicken shit, shit like that. It's sadistic shit. It's so ridiculous. I made it clear. All right, all right. I'll calm down. It's okay.

Everybody. Shoot him with a horse tranquilizer. I know you guys at home, you would love to see a fucking octopus, but what can I tell you? Oh, it would have been an octopus. You know, wait, Skid, we do have a scroll of Summon Monster 1. That's true. Don't give me an octopus, but... I know it, and I don't...

Do you know it? Because we could just use it. I mean, I could... Yeah, I could use it. I could use it. Yeah, there you go. So I start using the scroll of Summon Monster 1. Okay, so you begin reading.

All right, round two. The two. Baron. How far away is the giant from us now? Oh, it's about 30, 35, 40 feet away And the closest orc to us is 20 feet away? No, no It's 25 feet away from lork, so it's about 30 feet away from So I take a negative two to that?

35 So I'm going to throw the next grenade at the No, i take a negative two to that 35 so i'm gonna throw the next grenade at the no you take a negative three to it because it's between 30 and 40 away from you you can move up i'll take a five foot step forward and you need 10 feet and then you can throw for minus two as opposed to but you have to light it with a move action right or you could throw the alchemist fire for no without lighting it i'm to throw it at the foremost orc. Okay. And try to, yeah, really hurt him.

Do it. Okay. Another fuse grenade. 11. 11. 11 plus favored enemy orc 19. 19?

Minus 3. Minus 3? 16. Hits. 16 hits? Wait, 18 minus 3 is 15. Yeah, it still hits. Did I say 16 too?

I think we did the same wrong math at the same time. 8 points of damage against the foremost orc and 2 to everyone else those grenades are sick i like the grenades uh okay uh but a bit of it and can i do a perception to see how that orc looks now uh he looks okay because he uh rolled a reflex save so he only took half damn oh the reflex saves we didn't get an opportunity To take When you were throwing them at us

You get over call Reflex All the time I don't think You got any reflex You get it all out You get your reflex save If you get hit by it

And Troy misses every roll None of my bombardiers Hit you Mostly because he sucks This is a Hostile run Here's the question too Based on their range

Hostile run Hostile run Yes Hostile rum. Lork, you're up. All right, Lork the Orc is going to favorite enemy, fire twice. Composite, new composite short bow at the giant. 22 to hit. 22 hits. Nine damage.

Yeah, brother. He fires again. 19 to hit. 19 to hit? Yes! 10 damage. Six on a D6! So how many points of damage have we dealt that giant?

Upwards of 40. 43 at this point. Lork is hitting his favorite enemy like a bee. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You do your numbers correct. It's 11. It's plus 2, not plus 1. So it's 6 plus 3 for the composite, plus 2

for the favorite enemy. So it's 11. Nicely done. The giant. Not happy. Displeased. Because he's dead? It is Gormley's turn. Actually, I'm going to take a five foot step back since it's clear that no one else is moving up.

So I'm going to be like, alright, is this what we're doing? We're back, alright. Where are you going? Yes, let's go to the difficult to navigate water. Okay, Gormley. Oh, man. That new short post. Fucking sick. Yeah, Gormley. Oh, man. That new short bow is fucking sick.

Yeah, that's a bad one. I've actually rolled higher than 13 every time with that new bow. So how far away am I from the giant? Too far to hex. Too far to hex. But how far could I move? Yeah, you can move right up to the water's edge. Move up to the water's edge, and then you're within range.

Move up to the water's edge. Move up to the water's edge, and then you're within range. Move up to the water's edge. I'm going to hex the giant for his evil eye for his saves. Evil eye. Oh, you're setting something up. What's a will save? Will save. Oh, he passed. He passed.

Okay, so for one round, minus two to your saving throws. Minus two to the giant saves. Ah, interesting. For one round. Curious move. It's like Gormley is setting something up. Okay, the beast tamers go. The first one throws a javelin at Gormley.

16 to hit. Misses. go. The first one throws a javelin at Gormley. 16 to hit. Misses. Second one throws a javelin at Lork. 18 to hit. Hits. Hits Lork with a javelin for four

points of damage. Oof. Okay, and now... Ouch. The giant moves up a regular move. So they're about 15 feet away from the water's edge on our side.

And once again, Gormley is in front. And all of a sudden, he swings with one arm. An orc. With an orc attached to it at Gormley. Wait, so he's swinging an orc at me? He's swinging an orc on a chain with a 20-foot reach at Gormley. Wait, he's going to hit Gormley with an orc? He's going to At Gormley Wait He's gonna hit

Gormley with an orc He's gonna hit Gormley with an orc At the end of a chain Well he's gonna try to 19 Again Gormley in the

Vanguard of our formation 19 hits So this Oh my god This orc just comes Swinging at you And you take 12 points of damage As it hits you

You notice that the orc On the end of the chain Also Starts blacking out Whoa Damn This shit's getting orced up So he took as much damage as he dealt.

Yes. All right, so what happens to the actual ork? Does he land a couple feet away? The ork is still dangling from the end of the chain. So he comes back to where he started? Yeah, so it's kind of like a whip almost. Like a whip. That guy got fucked up.

And you just see like a half-dead ork at the end of the chain. This is insane. I've never seen a combatant use his allies. Well, I guess they're not allies, really, but other bodies as attacking instruments. And this giant is just like, ah! You can see he has lost, he has taken all control of the situation. Oh, he's bloody, yeah, he's bloody. And it is Galabras' turn. It's funny, like, watching this play out,

I'm thinking of, like, the Patty Hearst situation. Jesus. I was remembering, like, when she robbed that bank and, like, she's throwing the other members of the Symbionese Liberation Army at the bank tellers with a chain on them. It's the exact same thing. I don't remember that part.

You don't know your history. I've got to look it up. Watch Jurassic Park, for Christ's sake. Was Patty Hearst in that? So, Galabras, having cast his scroll of Summon Monster 1, now you're going to have to deal with a fucking celestial dolphin. I hope you're ready for this jelly. A fucking celestial dolphin. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. Okay?

A fucking celestial dolphin. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think he is either. So a beautiful dolphin comes out. Where does it come out? A heavenly dolphin right in front of the giant

and it bites him. Or whatever it does. Right in his dick. How do you do a dolphin sound? That was it. I think that was good. That's pretty good. That's a goat. I don't it. I think that was good. That's pretty good. That's a goat.

I don't know. Use your echolocation. The dolphin rolled a, I'm sorry, I'm looking at the stats here. The dolphin rolled a 10, so it probably poked at him with its bottled nose. You get out of my sea. Get out of my home spring.

I hope it's the salt water. I hope it's the fresh water. He must be. Honestly, he must be. I was going to say, water. He must be. Honestly, he must be. I was going to say, Troy made him sound so nice. And he must be so nice. He's a celestial dolphin. I know.

Not just like a regular dolphin. They're already nice. It's a dolphin. It's like Flipper, like as cool as Flipper was, was an earthly dolphin. This is a heavenly dolphin. A dolphin right from fucking heaven. We're just filled with its joy. Yeah.

Sparkling, like, yeah. All right, so it fails. But now I get to act as Galabras, and I will give my final bit of luck to Bit of Lork. To Bit of Lork. All right. All right.

All right, round three. So far, so good. So so far so good So far so good Skid almost killed me But there's one dead orc Night's still young Baron does a Perception check on the orc That was flung at Gormley

To see if it is alive An orc ferocity that type of thing is that okay Sure He rolls a 16 I confirm He rolls a 16. 16. I confirm it was a 16. He appears to,

he's going to probably die this round. Okay, so I don't have any more up close and deadly. You don't? No, yeah, because that- I used my grip. That captain last episode kept not going below zero, remember? That's right. He was a sturdy bastard.

Unless he did something daring, so I could do... You could do something daring. You could just run right in front. No, you actually can't. Do you get points for doing something stupid? That's such a good question. I'll give you a point to try to stay alive after doing something stupid.

I'm going to stay... I'm going to move where... No, I'm going to move right behind Lork, which is like a five-foot step, right? So you move back. You were already right behind Lork. Okay, so I'm going to move shoulder to shoulder with Lork. I'm going to take a negative two to throw at

the giant, our last fuse grenade. Don't hit my dolphin. Oh, that misses so hard. That is a ten. Roll a d8. You're only two away.

Seven. Seven. So actually, the lork in the... The lork. This is so bad. You're racist. Even I'm racist. You are racist.

This orc in the back takes the splash damage. Right. That's the one that was on the chain. Yeah, so he takes two. Is he dead? No, no, no. No, it's not. No, it is not.

That's a beast tamer. You walked past... You had the orc, the giant walk past the beast tamers. All right, so the guy in the back takes two points of splash damage. This is the guy who threw a javelin at us. Right. He takes two points of splash damage. All right.

Nice work. My first miss. Lork machine. Okay, Lork is going to take that bit of luck out for a spin and go for two Shots Two shots Desna's will guide your hand

Here we go First one, 13 to hit That is a miss Damn Hits the dead orc on the end of the chain Oh my god I rolled a 2 and a 3 On two d20s Fuck you. Desna, not, not, hang it, not. Oh my God. I rolled a two and a three on two d20s.

Fuck you, Desna. I guess this bow is, this composite short bow has the same luck as the other one. As soon as I got the bit of luck, that's crazy. Fuck, man.

That's my last one. What shitty luck. All right, so then, Lork, you move up. This is not a game. Yeah, just five feet, five foot step up. You're just kind of like,

da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, five feet up, five feet back. All right, Gormley, the minus two to saves would end on your turn, depending on what you do. Gormley is going to hex the giant with misfortune.

Yes! Only once a day, right? Only once a day on creature. All right, we'll save Natty20. But you've got to roll again. That's right. No, you don't. Sorry.

Does someone want to use their bottle cap? It's too late Too late Yeah Natty 20 I'm sorry buddy Alright so Gormley I hate misfortune man Gormley is going to

I'll love it as soon as it hits though Yeah I know This is the best thing ever Gormley is going to get very still Her arms are going to drop down by her side and she is going to raise up into the air 20 feet above the ground.

Is that an at will power? It's a move action. You can just levitate as a move action? Once a day. That's insane! How high up do you go? I can move 20 feet at a time. So for right now, 20 feet in the air. So you go 20 feet. Straight up into the air.

Straight up into the air. She's going to play Quidditch. She's going for the snitch. She's going for the snitch. Wow. Oh, so bold. I don't get any of those references because I also didn't watch that garbage. Oh my god.

I stopped after like the third one. I didn't really like it. So this is round three, you said, Troy? Or were we in round four now? All of you. That was round three. That disgusts me. How far away was I from the giant when I...

10 feet. 15 feet. You were 15 feet away. Okay, cool. Okay. It is now the beast time. Okay, so they start flanking to either side of the two orcs that are on the hand chains

of the, whatchamacallit, the giant. So they flank their way around, pull out another javelin. First one goes at Baron. 22. Miss! First javelin does five points of damage. And then the other one comes and fires at Galabras.

20 to hit. Sneaky fucking Russians. I can't find my pencil, so I can't take the hit points off. Sorry, Troy, we'll have to do this next session. These are the orcs, right? So this is, I default no hit points. Okay, I found, all right, sorry. So they come around, one of them, chum, hits Baron.

And then the other guy comes around, hits Galabras for nine points of damage. Max, max javelin. Four points of damage. Oh, he hits you right in the situation. Sounds hideous I'm sure it like knocks the wind out of him Like hits him right in the kidneys So now the cave giant here Has a dolphin right in front of him

Does a full attack action provoke from the dolphin? If it's ranged and not at the dolphin, then yes It's not ranged because he's swinging chains Two of them directly at Lork Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait 20 feet away No, no, no's swinging chains, two of them, directly at Lork. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 20 feet away. I did the math. Well, then that does provoke the dolphin.

It's not ranged. It's considered melee here. It says melee, two chains. It's like a reach weapon with melee. It's got these orcs with chains. The first one with the half-dead orc on it. That sounds like the worst fetish video ever. Hits Lork with a

20. Sounds like an expert. 27. Fetish videos to my right. So this one, you see a dead orc come flying at you for oh man, 13 points of damage. What the? It's dead? And it does 13 points?

The body just crunched into you. And then the second chain comes around at Lark. And you can't help but think, had Gormley not levitated up, perhaps he would be the one, she would be the one getting hit. This one misses. Thank God.

Jesus Christ. Hey, Lark is not high on hit points. And the orc That was at the end It's not too low It's not death The orc that hits you After it hits you It flies off the chain

Oh good Good good Okay well That's good So and it flies off the chain And just Ends up in the hope spring Dead

I thought that orc Was off the chain When I first saw him Oh Snap snap snap That's the dolphin Sorry I'm trying to Fish my

Roman dice Out of my fucking bag. Oh, shit, channel dice, channel dice. I'm going to channel. But first, the enraged heavenly dolphin. Okay, okay, okay. Don't attack my friends. I'm from heaven. You see it translate what I just did?

And it missed and it does a trick everybody claps stop the giant's like that is fucking useless piece of shit dolphin baron baron turns to lorik and says have you ever seen blackfish have you seen how they treat those creatures at SeaWorld? I rescued, he's a rescue. I rescued him from SeaWorld. From heaven?

You stole him from his heaven? Wait, wait, wait. You think a better life for this dolphin would be to fight a fucking giant? Absolutely. At least it has agency. And a poisoned? It's a poisoned hope spring.

It also can't die. So let's go with this. I see Galabras reaching for his Roman die. Okay, so Galabras channels positive energy through his body out to his companions, healing them for eight points of... Do I get hit by that? How high are you up?

I'm 20 feet in the air. Yes, you do. How many? Nice. And that is my last channel. Oh, man! Dude, you gotta stay back, and you gotta stay alive, and you gotta use that fucking wand. Ace. Nice. And that is my last channel. Oh, man. Dude, you got to stay back, and you got to stay alive, and you got to use that fucking wand.

Yep. Round four. Because that shit's about to go down. Baron. You got this. Pretty much all the enemies are still alive. Yeah. And we're in bad shape.

We did so much damage early on, and then nothing. Yeah, those two misses were brutal. Lork, you fucking failure. I am going to. Actually, he had four times in a row, so. You got to give that to him. No, those two misses were brutal. Lork, you fucking failure. I am going to... Actually, he had four times in a row, so... Gotta give that to him. No, no, no, he did great, but it's like the fucking bit of luck and nothing.

It's like, God. Yeah. Baron is going to shoot at the orc tamer directly across from him. Natural 20. Oh! Please confirm. Please confirm. Natural 20 Oh Please confirm

Please confirm 19 Oh That is confirmed Plus 4 Times 4 Times 4 Here's my times 4 dance

Three cards And as we've mentioned before Turn into the tumble to see Joe's hands Bullets Bullets are both piercing and blunting And blunt So you have six options on those cars this is like twice in three episodes let's just let's just take a good 15 minutes from the examine these cards yeah let him let him do what he wants I'm Jesus oh boy I'm going to do I patch for you which is piercing damage I don't like this and does triple damage and 1d

to con drain oh my lord which is another two point negative four on perception checks and range attacks on the job. Holy shit. Hit him right in the eye. Triple damage. You could kill him. Maximum damage. 24 points of damage. Should I do the con damage? Nope, because you just shot him through the eye and killed him.

It just blows out the back of his head. You just see, boom! Blows out the back of the head. You just see, boom! Blows out the back of the head, and the body actually flies ten feet back from the force of the blow. Oh, my God. So, as that happens, as that happens,

Baron says to this orc, there are two types of people in this world. Them that got guns, and them that don't. Good one, Ben. The corpse does not react. Remember in Outlaw, Josie Wales and Clint Eastwood was like, there are people that have guns and people that don't. And the whole audience erupts.

Oh, my God. The corpse with the blown outout head lays there dying. He's underwater. Unbelievable. He's disappeared. So rarely get a triple or double damage on those cards. He's dolphin food. All right, so Lork's natural instinct is to go for the giant,

but there's no way he can go for the giant and still hit him. So he's going to go for the other javelin guy that flanked. So Baron just blew one of their heads off. Lork is going to go for the other one because he can reach him and hit him in one round. The other beast tamer. The other beast tamer that was throwing javelins. Which means he doesn't have a melee weapon in his hand

for the record, so if you try to melee me I'm going to fucking call you out on that shit. Fair enough. So he closes on him and attacks with a masterwork greataxe. So you just come running right up to the edge of the water. Right up to the edge of the water. Quick draw that shit. Right.

So I drop the bow. Run up. Quick draw. Quick draw. Throw. 16 to hit. 16 hits. And does minimum damage.

Fucking six points of damage. Hey, it could have been worse. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's incorrect. You fucking get your damage right. Sorry, five points of damage. So you just come up with an axe, bury it in his shoulder, pull it out. Yeah, but it's just his arm, man.

It just hits his arm. But no, it does significant damage to him. You can see he's pretty fucked. Gormley, the floating wonder. I just did my math with the Pythagorean theorem, and the giant is in range of my hexes. Oh! From 20 feet up?

Especially since he's 12 feet high. Oh, so you were measuring the hypotenuse. I was, actually. Nerd edge! A squared plus B squared equals C squared. So I'm going to evil eye the giant for his attack. You don't have to do concentration checks

for hexes, right? No. It's an innate part of witches. If I were to attack with a ranged or melee weapon, I'd take a minus one the first time, minus two the second time. No one cares, nerd. Guess I could make you do a five check.

Can I just also say burning hands are in order now. I'm a little out of range for that, minus two the second time. No one cares, nerd. Guess I can make you do a fly check. Let's do a hex. Can I just also say burning hands are in order now? I'm a little out of range for that. But yes, eventually. Why don't you just float down a little and fucking rain down burning hands? I could, actually.

He could. He could. Okay, I will say it is a DC 15 fly check to hover. Oh, that's true. But I can stay levitated. You can, but to hover and do a standard action. So now if you fail it, you just fall 20 feet, and you can still hex,

but you will take the falling damage. I have feather fall. Ah, right, so you'll just feather fall. So worst case scenario, you'll be back on the ground, but you will. This is interesting. I don't know if it's accurate, but it's interesting. Is this a fly check you're saying? Yeah, so you add your fly skill.

Do you have any fly skill? I have a plus seven. Oh, there you go. See, that's why you take that. You're in good shape. That's a 25. There we go. See, she knows how to do it. And boom, you go evil eye. What are you doing? DC 14 will save. DC 14 will save.

14? I thought it was 15. He passed. He passed. He's very willful. One round minus two to your attack roll, I said. And you can cackle. Cackle. I can't.

No, you moved last round. You can cackle now. Yeah, so I'm going to cackle. So she's in the air, in the rain, in the thunder and lightning. I love it. That is so cool. Amazing. That is great.

What is that, two rounds? Two rounds, minus two to hit. Oh, baby. Nice work. That is so cool. Amazing. That is great. What is that, two rounds? Two rounds, minus two to hit. Oh, baby. Nice work. That is just cool. A cool visual. Yeah. Thanks, Pythagoras.

The ancient Greeks just keep contributing to role-playing games. Okay, now, Lorik, you're face-to-face with this guy. And do you remember what these guys can do? No. Full attack action. Orc double axe. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He can't draw it and do a full attack action unless he has a quick draw feat.

He just threw a javelin last round. Right. He can't draw his weapon and do a full attack? No. That's part of a move action. You guys do. He's not. No. You can't do a full attack.

We never do full attacks. We don't do full attacks. All right. So it just swings at you once. And it misses. It misses with its double axe. Beautiful. All right, so it just swings at you once. And it misses. It misses with its double axe. Beautiful. All right.

It's lucky it even got it out without me giving it an attack of opportunity. Come on! I'm right in front of it. It pulled out a new weapon without a quick drop. Troy was just discussing how to divide up the bill and tip with friends. And you're like, no, no, no, you're right, you're right. I owe $5 tip. Okay, this is what happens now.

The giant starts raging. Something at the loss of the two creatures. Temporary hit points. It's lost its will to be focused on the attack, and it begins raging. And it's making two attacks at Lork. Because you're the only guy within range. Except for the fucking dolphin

who's right in front of him. The first. And so the fact that, okay. So the fact that I'm in combat with his buddy means nothing. Because it's melee attack. And the dolphin has been actually attacking him. The dolphin has just been rubbing its bottle nose

against its thigh. He just has so much respect. He has so much respect for dolphins that he wouldn't dare. Is that what you're saying? You don't like this? No, I don't like it. And if it's good rolls, Lurk is out. It's done. The first one

is just the chain. This is silly. It's a 24. Yeah, yeah. So there's one. There you go. It does 13 points of damage. The whole reason to summon a monster like this is to provide a target for a... Are you unconscious? No.

Are you lying? No, actually, I'm at exactly zero. So I'm disabled. Fuck. The second one... Oh, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He channeled last round. That's why, you know, so I'm not even at zero.

I'm at eight. The second one is with the orc attached. It is a 17. To hit? Yes. Misses. All right, so the second one comes through, and the orc just... No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

The other one is dead. Right, so the first one was just a chain coming through with no orc attached. Got it, got it, got it. It actually moves a lot quicker, and it's a lot easier to hit. And does less damage? It does a little more. It does more damage without an orc quicker, and it's a lot easier to hit. And does less damage? It does a little more. It does more damage without an orc? Well, it's a higher die, but not as many.

I got to say, the only reason I'm questioning this is because it's bizarre. Like, you're getting swung at with orcs on the end of chains. It does less damage. It's just a higher die as a DA as opposed to 2d6. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, and then the second one, you just see an orc come flying over your head, attached to the chain. I feel bad for these guys.

I regret nothing! Oh, excuse me, that was an 18 to hit. Oh, well, that hits. That definitely hits. With a minus two? Oh, not with the minus two! Yeah, the first one would have hit. The first one would have hit, because it's raging, so it gets a plus one to hit.

All right, so Lurk is sitting at eight hit points out of 30. Fucking five! I want to live! I want to live! Wow, wow. All right. Desna, I want to live! Galabras.

Dolphin. All right, well, first the dolphin. It's like, hey, what about me? Attack the orc. It's like, seriously, I'm here to provide a target for you. You're ignoring me completely. The dolphin's feelings are hurt Way worse than you could physically hurt Lord

This is the way I'm looking at it If the dolphin hits the giant You don't need to explain your bullshit The giant will attack the dolphin Right now it's just a little fish Did he miss again? But it's right next to him I know, I know

Did he miss again? I Okay Yes, he missed again He's such a sweet dolphin It's Calabrus' turn The dolphin finds a handicapped person In the ocean and comforts him

If you guys know anybody that likes to play clerics This is not like Skid's last game He hates me He's a therapy dolphin Can I roll to comfort the giant? I'm sure he's in... The giant is comforted by being enslaved all these years, and it's now on our side.

Well, that's what I'm saying. He's probably endured a lot of trauma being enslaved. Maybe the dolphin could do something. He's certainly not hitting him, so maybe it could help him overcome his trauma. Okay, all right. So Galabras is going to move up and use the wand. thing. He's certainly not hitting him, so maybe it can help him overcome his trauma. Okay, alright. So, Galabras is going to move up and use the wand

of Curelight Wounds on Lork. Okay. And you can do that from range, right? You don't have to get up and do this shit? No, I have to touch him with it. You have to touch him with the wand? Yeah. It doesn't, like, shoot? I did not know that. This isn't Sailor, man. But it's a nine. It's max oh god you in this one I said work I will show you legit huge

all right round five for the last combat ever of the glass cannon podcast yeah this is it this is the most way that nobody wants to play with me anymore Baron you're up be totally fine if you just attacked the dolphin. We could go another 30 episodes. I'll defend Troy. Why attack that poor dolphin? He hasn't done anything. He's trying.

He hasn't hurt anyone. My theory is with the low intelligence, if the dolphin bites it, then he'd be like, boom, stomp. But right now, it's just boom, boom, boom, boom. Look at that round, stomp. But right now, it's just this little dolphin. Look at that round, smooth melon. I'm not upset that you're

trying to kill Lor. I'm upset that you're insulting my celestial dolphin. Yeah, you're just considering it not a combatant. As if it's not even there. There's no respect at all. Gary. His name's Gary. I'm really... He used a scroll for that shit

Yeah I used I used a Consumable But you know It's you're the DM And you know whatever So If you had waited longer

To use this consumable It would have been Even more useless I bet the fucking octopus Would have hit him That's true But that's not a consumable Now is it?

No The octopus probably Would have grappled him And put him in a fucking catapult. Yeah, the octopus would have crawled up his skirt and ripped his dick off. Angry skittles in full effect. You're doing a great job. Is Baron shooting? Keep it up, Troy. The giant?

Baron is going to do a perception check on the giant and the beastmaster orc that is attacking Joe just to see generally how they look. Okay. Roll perception. Fabulous. 14. In great fashion. Their leather armor is brand new. You can tell the giant has got a bunch of gashes

and wounds from being hit by shrapnel and arrows. And it looks a little off. It's obviously raging. Something about these orcs that little off. It's obviously raging. Something about these orcs that have died, it's losing control. So it's a lot easier to hit now, you would think, where it's flailing about. The beast tamer in front of the orc

is not long for this world. But as you know, these guys have ferocity, so it's going to take a couple of good hits to finish him off. But you think if that other orc that is attached to the's going to take a couple of good hits to finish him off. But you think if that other orc that is attached to the chain gets crunched a couple more times, he's going to die as well, and it's just going to be

face-to-face with this giant if you can take out the other beast tamer. I want to attack... Oh, I should mention, there's also a dolphin that looks completely at full health. He can't see the dolphin. It's underwater.

Actually, the dolphin's gone. It is? Yeah, it only lasts two rounds. Oh, you're right. It vanishes back to heaven, having done zero damage. And that's not on you. No, that's on Troy. That's on Troy.

Yeah. Right. Because it at least would have provided a target that would have deflected. But he's the Dungeon Master, so it's on me. I'm going to cut through the air, cut through the battle, cut through Skid's spite at Troy. And I'm going to roll up close and deadly. 22. Against the giant.

Well, you have no grit. But you can hit him. up close and deadly 22 against the giant 20 well you can't you have no grip you're out of but you can hit I blew the shit out of that dude and killed him

oh yeah you get your grip I get my grip point back so I roll wait he gets a grip point back but I thought you only get a grip point back if you kill them

with up close and deadly right no oh you get one back even if you don't use up close and deadly oh you do oh that's awesome

10 points of damage on the giant yes on the giant wow okay that No. Oh, you can get one back even if you don't use up close. Oh, you do? Okay, awesome. Oh, that's awesome. Ten points of damage. On the giant? Yes. On the giant. Wow. Okay, that definitely hit him. That definitely did damage.

Boom, a bullet hole. You see it just start gaping from its stomach. Blood gushing out, turning the water in front of him red. And now it is Lork's turn. Lork is, as a player, I want to full withdraw out of this and heal myself and then come in for the giant and finish him off. But that's ridiculous. I'm standing in front of this fucking orc and I'm going to swing at him. And I miss. No.

Yeah. I've rolled two twos in a row. Jesus. Gormley, will you be hovering? Actually, I'm going to take A five foot step back Five foot step back Okay

Exposing Galabras Exposing He'll be fine He'll be fine No no no It's a good call Because the orc

Because now I'm out Of that giant's range And I think you are too Probably not If Troy comes over He's like I did the math According to my calculations

You are within range Of both attacks That orc By calculation 34 to hit I'm sorry. I did the math. According to my calculations, you are within range of both attacks. That worked. That is a bad calculation. 34 to hit. Fucked. Okay, Gormley, what are we doing? All right, I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do,

and then I'll describe it, and you tell me what I have to roll. Gormley is eventually going to descend five feet to get within range of Burning Hands to cast it on the giant. Wow. Okay. So is that going to do it it on the giant. Wow. Okay. So is that a do I do? Another fly check.

Another fly check. You're going to have to do a fly check and then a concentration check because you're casting spell while flying. At 20 feet, she's out of range of the giant's reach, right? Or no, they have the giant chain weapons. Doesn't matter. Now, I will say it's a DC 10 fly check to move at less than half your speed. You're only moving five feet and remain flying.

So do your fly check. If you pass that, then you roll a concentration check. If you fail that, you will float to the ground and be obviously within range of its attacks, but you won't have to roll a concentration check. All right. I got a 14 on the fly check. All right. So you just come down five feet.

Descend five feet. Now what is the concentration check? That's an excellent question. You know, rules-wise, I don't know, but I think a good bar is 10 plus double the spell level. Burning Hands is first level spell, so it would be DC 12. Fly check. I'm sorry, concentration check check Which is your Caster level

And you should have Your concentration Plus your intelligence What's your intelligence modifier? Plus three So it would be Well you should have A concentration

Like calculated Right on your sheet Somewhere Either way It's plus five No no plus six Because it's your third level Three for your caster level

And three for your intelligence So you need to roll Six or higher Or seven or higher On the die Is that right? Yep Okay Because you need a 13 I or higher, or seven or higher on the die, is that right? Yep. Okay.

Because you need a 13. I'll take your word for it. 15. There you go. There you go. Burn, baby, burn. Which is a 21 roll. I need to borrow two D4.

Here they come. Come on right now. Didn't you just buy new dice? Not the D4s. All right. You bought Cingys? So Gormley lowers her hands which start to glow red

She hovers down She descends five feet Raises her hands and shoots a cone of searing flame out from each of them There you go Seven points of damage but you get a save. Seven points of damage.

Is that just to the giant? No, to the giant and the orc. And the orc attached to the chain. Yeah. You get a save. Reflex save for half. All right, do you know what the DC of the reflex save is? DC 14.

They both passed. But I will tell you what. The orc that was on the chain is now below zero and dead. And I wish you guys could see this at home. Both Skid and Joe are making fuck you gestures to me and also, uh, passing the reflex, fake masturbation things with their hands. No, no, no, no.

I think that's what you interpreted as, but we were planning on killing you in actual life. All right. You're plotting, plotting my murder. Skid just took it to another level. Oh, man. You'll never know, listeners. Hey, Gina.

I rolled a 13 for the giant and a 14 for the orc. That was unadjusted. Okay, all right. Dice. Dice, don't lie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, though. Wait, though. You said the giant had no adjusted flat foot AC.

Does he have a plus zero to dex? He has a reflex save. Oh, right, right, wait, though. Wait, though. You said the giant had no adjusted flat foot AC. Does he have a plus zero to dex? He has a reflex state. Oh, right, right. Base reflex state. Yeah, you fucking idiot. I'm just asking. The beast tamer steps up to Lork and... Kills him.

And since he had to... Now that's a five foot step. Well, it's out of the water, so is that a double? He can't take a five foot step. Okay, so he swings his orc double axe once at Lork. 21 to hit. Yeah. He hits Lork.

92 damage. A gentleman's six damage. Just, boom, hits him with an orc double axe and tries to swing. Lork would have been below zero if you didn't hit him with that wand. Could be worse. Could be worse, mate. Could be raining. Could be raining.

I just want to fight this giant. The giant steps up to the edge of the water and takes one swing at Gormley with a chain. Up in the air. He's just leering at him. takes one swing at Gormley with a chain. Up in the air. He's just leering at him. Still fire singeing off of his body. He swings the chain in his left hand at Gormley

and misses. Assuming a 13. Flies through the air. Oh wait, 15. Still misses. Still misses, okay. Okay, so it's Fluffjum swings and misses Galabras. Galabras is going to take a five-foot step behind Lork and use the one of Curelight Wounds again.

Oh, thank you so much, Galabras. Two. Oh, no you so much, Calabras. Two. Oh no! We're all at one. Ooh boy. Round six. Baron. It's Lork's fault. He keeps missing, man. If I

throw a grenade at the giant, is anyone vulnerable or susceptible to splash damage? No. Except for the orc next to him. The orc chained him. Gormley's 15 feet. If it falls in front of him, you're subject to it, Baron.

That's true. But otherwise if it falls behind them, it's just going to be the giant and most likely the orc. I'm going to take a 5 foot step back which should make me immune to any of that splash damage. Should I hit? No, you don't want to do that because that's going to minus the two hit by one.

If you stay where you are, there's no minus. It's full bonus. I don't care. I have like a plus eight. Alright. Alright. I am going... Here I go again on my own as White Snake Metsch. I am going Here I go again on my own As White Snake Metsch said

I am throwing a pellet grenade No no no No you're not Yes I can and I will Why are you going to waste the pellet grenades Because it's a fucking giant and you're almost dead He's out of spell It has an extra d6 of damage

What do you want to save it for For the things that it cuts through on DR. Cold Iron, Adamantine. This thing doesn't have any DR. I mean, I know what you're saying. Like, we always save consumables too much. You just want to use them. You're not always right, but okay.

We'll see. So now Pellet Grenade? Well, then 18. 20 fucking 6. I'm sorry. No, no, no. Plus 7, so 25. That, then 18. 20 fucking 6. Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, no. Plus 7, so 25. That is a hit.

Direct hit. It's a fucking hit. 7 plus 8. Boom. And 2 to the guy in his... Which one was that? Cold iron or adamantine? Is there a reflex save on a pellet grenade?

The cheaper one? Cold Iron. Cold Iron. Is there a reflex save on a pellet grenade? I don't know. Well, we'll just keep moving because he rolled pretty poorly. And now it is going to be Lork's turn. Lork is going to swing at this fucking orc that he can't seem to fucking hit.

Oh, there we go 19 to hit Oh that's a hit And that's 15 points of damage 15 points of damage? Nice Hold the phone here Killed it

I did not want to get into that ferocity zone Thank god Killed it below ferocity All that stands between you and that cave I want to get into that ferocity zone. Thank God. Killed it below ferocity. Boom. Awesome. All that stands between you and that cave is a cave giant and a dead orc on a chain. I want to kill this giant so bad. All right. I don't like him.

Are you moving at all, Lork? Yeah, Lork is going to move up toward the giant. I mean, that's what Lork would do. It's stupid, but that's what he would do. You're going to move up toward the giant. I mean, that's what Lork would do. It's stupid, but that's what he would do. You're going to move right up into its grill. Well, I can only move five feet, so I'm still ten feet away. Okay.

Wait, can you only move five feet? You only took one attack. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sure, then I'll move right up next to it. Okay, Gormley, the hero of the day. All right, so do I need to do another hover check? Tell me what you're doing. I'm going to shoot it with a crossbow.

Shoot it with a crossbow while floating in midair. Yeah. So you would need to just roll a DC 15 fly check. I'm going to raise up 10 feet, let's say. Okay. Just to get a little more height. She passes the fly check. Okay.

And fire when ready. You may fire when ready So that's a 16 to hit Misses Damn it But you're doing really well up in the air there Alright, it would have been What a crazy round Or what a crazy play by Gormley going up in the air

That's awesome It's a game changer Alright, so now this giant takes a swing at Baron with the first chain. The first unfettered chain. 15. I have a 22 against giants. Boom, misses. Boom.

The chain just... Boom, boom, boom, boom. Gormley. You feel like the wind of the chain kind of lift you another three feet in the air as it comes back and crashes into the water. Uh,

all right. And then the second one does come at Lork, the flying Orc. Um, I got right up in there. Fuck this guy. And he misses. Yeah.

Mrs. He deserves that miss. Taking so much damage for us. It is now going to be Galabras' turn. Oh, and by the way, the orc, as he swings that orc at Lork, it releases from the chain and flies into the next neighborhood.

Flies out of combat. So now he's just standing there with two shackles with small chains attached to the end of his legs, and then two chains are attached to his hands that he's like swinging around and using his weapons. Just empty chains. What a fucking badass. Lurk is gonna fucking kill

this guy. Can we recap what we're looking like? What's the whole scenario looking like? Okay, so at the edge of the water looking like? Okay, so, at the edge of the water, on the far end, so on the other end of the Hope Spring is this cave that has been dug out, or

found by the giant with the graffiti on the wall and whatnot. So the giant has now come all the way across to the other end of the Hope Spring, and standing directly in front of him is Lork. 25 feet in the air in front of him is Galabras, who just burned him. Excuse me, Gormley.

And then behind Gormley to Gormley's right is Baron, who's just chucking grenades left and right and hitting with every throw. And then behind them to the left is Galabras, the healer. And it is Galabras' turn. Galabras, I just realized I have one more first level spell. I can cast those, right? Absolutely, yes.

Okay. So Galabras is going to cast Summon Monster 1. Okay. Oh. All right. Celestial dolphin. No more fucking dolphins, dude. Okay, it no longer takes a minus to attack.

Summon a ladybug. Guys, it is round seven. Wow. This is going to be a three-hour episode. Baron, you're up. Baron is going to reload and fire at this motherfucker. 14 plus seven, 21.

Jesus Christ. That is a hit. He gets touching. Six points of damage. Oh, baby. Takes a licking. Keeps on ticking. Swing in the chain.

He takes a five foot step back. Five foot step back. Lork, you are up. Round seven. You've come to the wrong place. You've found a black arrow. He's going to... Favorite enemy.

I mean, this is where it gets... This is best bonus. Melee attack. Favorite enemy. Finish him. Finish him. I'm rolling 2d12. Oh, no, no.

It's a d12. All right. Masterwork Greataxe, here we go Critical fumble Oh no No No

Jesus Christ I told you not to do critical fumbles I was so excited, I thought I could do something No, but it depends on the weapon He gets three critical fumbles He gets to choose the best one, right? Choose the worst one. What kind of weapon do you have? It's a

piercing or slashing? It's a slashing. It doesn't matter. For the miss, it's just melee. My weapon, it like hits something fucking hard on the giant and takes 1d6 points of damage. So the weapon gets damaged. I think it only

has 5 hit points. So it takes 1 point of damage. That's fine. Okay, so it does not gain the broken condition. No, it's broken. Oh, it is broken. If it takes any damage, it's broken. Really? Yep. So that is a minus 2 to attack? Yes, minus 2 to hit. But broken is different than sundered,

right? I don't know the difference. Sundered is like broken forever. I think you sunder armor and break weapons. Yeah, this is not broken forever by any means. It's just a minus two to hit. Right, so you just clink, fuck. Cracks it.

It cracks the edge of the... Oh, man, you were standing right there. I thought you were... Right there after Baron blew it away. I rolled a one, like, ah, it's so frustrating. Gormley. I'll do a hover. No, no, no, no.

Items that have taken damage in excess of half their total hit points gain the broken condition. Oh, I thought it was... That's what I thought. If it took any damage. That's what I thought. Okay, so you're not broken. Great, so not broken. Okay.

All right. Thank you, Galabras. You're so well-schooled. Oh, thank you. I signed up for nerd in that. But not broken. Nerdage! Gormley. Hover check to stay in the now we're skimming. Nerdage. Gormley.

Hover check to stay in the air. You got it. Natural 20. You're just like master of the wind. This is awesome. This is awesome. I'm going to evil eye the giant for its AC. Okay.

I will tell you this. Its will save was boosted by every member of its chain gang. It had a plus eight to every will save. But now, it does not. It has nothing. It has no bonus other than its natural will. Oh, plus two by each. Because it was being forced along on the chain gang.

Failed its... It all comes back to Gormley. Gormley. So what happens to this bitch? Minus two to its AC for six rounds. Minus two to its AC, and it was raging, so right now it has a minus four to its AC. And you know what?

Yes! Yes! Oh, sweet cackle. How is it? Seven rounds. Oh, man. Ooh, a dare woman. It looks up at you

The eagles suck It looks up at you and is just like screaming And it swings a chain at you Oh boy 29 to hit That's not a critical That hits? It was pretty close

It hits Gormley for 13 points of damage. Fuck! And do I fall? Are you at zero? No. But like, does taking damage? No, you just get whipped by it. If you had zero or negative one,

then you would have fallen to the ground and actually wouldn't have been able to cast further falls, so you would have taken another couple D6 worth of damage. And then the second one swings out at Lork and hits Lork for

11 points of damage that's a lot I think he's dead Lork is he's officially dead I think he's down no is he Lork you just got hit

by it for 11 points of damage do you have anything to say about that oh I have lots to say No, is he? Lork, you just got hit for 11 points of damage. Do you have anything to say about that? Oh, I have lots to say. I heard that shit when I was in the other room. What are you down to? Are you still up?

I'm still up. Okay, that's fine. You're fine. All right. I am still up. Look, Lork is a giant hunter. This isn't the first time He's been fucked up By a giant Not his first rodeo

Not his first rodeo But you know He is It's bad Everything's really bad But he's furious And still standing there Blood all over him

Sun dead He's gonna fucking Swing at this thing Next round And really try to Fucking put it out Of its misery If he doesn't

You know Roll a natural one And fumble Which He already did As is tradition Galabras I believe you began try to fucking put it out of its misery if he doesn't, you know, roll a natural one and fumble. Which he already did. As is tradition. Galabras, I believe you began summoning a monster? Say hello to Gary.

Gary's back? He's back? This is Gary the Celestial Eagle. Oh! Oh! Is he flanking? And he is flanking. Does he get multiple attacks? And he does get multiple behind the giant. Squeak. Is he flanking? And he is flanking. Does he get multiple attacks? And he does get multiple attacks.

Oh. Behind the giant. He does. Okay. All right, so an eagle. A celestial eagle appears. A glittering eagle appears behind the giant and lashes at it with its talons. This guy's AC is garbage right now.

Okay, first talon is 20 to hit. Yeah, 20. That is a to hit. Yeah, 20. That is a hit. One point of damage. Claws this thing. Now he's batting away. He's going to claw again. And he is flying.

Misses. And he's going to bite. Oh, claw, claw, bite. And miss. Wow. Hey, at least he did do damage. Okay, now Galabras, you get your turn.

Okay. Galabras is going to step up behind Lork and use one of the two remaining charges of the wand Oh, man. Oh, my God.

on Lork. That's insane. Lork cannot thank you enough. I thought 24 charges, that'll keep that from 10 adventures. Oh! Maximum healing.

Oh, my God. There we go. Do-do-do-do. Oh! Maximum healing! Oh my god! Oh! There we go. Do do do do! All right, all right. This wand is magical. We're telling what to do, Joe. This wand is on fire! All right, so Galabras calls a celestial eagle.

This thing comes out, claws right into the shoulder of the giant, and you see the giant is like staggering in where it's standing on the edge of the water. And then it goes for another claw, misses another bite, but damage has been done, and now it is round eight. Baron, you're up, bro. Baron, put him down, put him down. Baron reloads

and says, Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. Yes! And does 12 hit? 12 does not. Wait, touch AC?

Yes. With the minus four? Yes. Does hit. Yeah! 12 does not. Wait, touch AC? Yes. With the minus four? Yes. Does hit. Yeah! Three points of damage. Baron steps up, aims the gun, true,

right at the giant, knocks it down to zero hit points. Oh! Oh! Yippee ki yay! It needs to be taken out before it can enact its ferocity. Lor, come on. Come on, giant slayer. That took it exactly to zero.

Come on, giant slayer. What do you got? My turn? God damn it. I mean, how do you get more bonuses? He's flanking. It's his favorite enemy. That's a plus four.

There is no way. Plus the aid? Plus five? Yeah, there is no way you'll hit this thing. And it's a minus four with AC. One, no way you will hit. Plus the aid? Plus five? Yeah, there is no way you'll hit this thing. And it's a minus four with AC. One,

one, one, one. Um, that's awesome. Uh, it's a 19, I'm sorry,

yeah, 19 to hit. 19 hits. 19 to hit and it's favorite enemy 17 points of damage. And from true now to last wall and back again,

the entire ground rumbles as the giant falls. Yes! Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. He had lower than the fucking 17 AC for our constitution. Oh, God. 11 had lower than the fucking 17 AC for our constitution. Oh, God. 11 on a D12. Wow. Oh, my God.

Wow. Oh, my God. I need a cigarette. I don't even smoke. That was intense. Oh, my God. All of a sudden, you hear horse steps in the distance. Hooves.

Who bursts through the area? Fucking Cursed. Cursed rides up and you see there's something a little different about Cursed. He is covered in blood and sweat, but he looks regal. He looks like a man. This battle has changed him, and you can see a little glint of Roderick in his eyes. He rides up and says,

How goes it? You felled the mighty giant! Yes? Yes. He's fallen. What happened? Were you able to cast any of your third-level spells? Well, not second-level.

Or second-level spells? No, but first. Have you heard of Troy? Have you heard of Troy? Have you heard of Gary? Gary the Celestial Eagle. Gary the Celestial Eagle. It was a beautiful eagle. Or the dolphin of the same name.

Let me tell you something, Cursed. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. We could hear him fall from miles away. That's exactly what I just fucking told you. Oh, I'm sorry! It's a measure of how big he was. Gormley descends from her levitation

to sit on the horse behind Curse. Let's go on a ride, baby. Please, please don't sit on my horse. Please. You're spooking him. Curse, beyond the walls, have they been defeated? Yes, they're running away

They're running away We've routed them You can hear in Ork We've routed them You can hear Retreat Retreat Fall back

Fall back All in Ork As they're just rushing out Out of the city He's like, yes We've pushed them all out of the city Did you see? Did you see them run into the cave?

No You didn't see? We saw right before When the giant broke through the walls of the city. Did you see, did you see them run into the cave? No. You didn't see? We saw right before when the giant broke through the walls, we were fending off the orcs outside the gates, but we saw

word came through that a lone humanoid accompanied by wolves dashed into the tunnel almost immediately after the giant opened it. Followed very shortly by another

large, hairy, humanoid figure. The troll. Fucking troll. The male troll and the nameless man from room 28. Perhaps it was a troll. We don't have any information.

This information got to us beyond the walls, but evidently a lone humanoid accompanied by wolves dashed into the tunnel almost immediately after the giant opened it, followed shortly by another humanoid hairy figure. That's all we know. It could also be Screed if he entered the town. Galabras cries out. It's like, we shall go.

And he stumbles backwards. His eyes roll up into his head and he faints. Galabras faints. Because he is completely fucking exhausted. Yeah. He is absolutely spent. He just like falls back into the mud. Lork will kind of grab Galabras and like,

kind of like get light slaps to the face. I try to wake him. Listen, Cursed, we need a... Wait, wait, I know. Let me, are you willing to enter the tunnel and secure what's inside and apprehend or flush out whatever's hiding within? Is that possible?

Just tell me that. Once we're ready. Yes. All right, this is what I'll do. I will appoint guards outside the tunnel to make sure no one else enters or exits it. In the meanwhile, you all need to take some much-needed rest.

That's exactly what I just fucking said, cursed, again. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, cursed. And for once, you can end an episode without saying you. Thank you. Thanks, cursed. And for once, you can end an episode without saying fuck you, Troy.

Oh, yeah. Because you get to rest. Thank you, Troy. I love you, Troy. Troy. Troy. Troy. Troy.

Troy. Troy. Troy. See you next week. Outro Music