The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 32 - Stop, Croc and Roll
Episode Date: January 5, 2016A suspicious accident sends Lorc plunging from the deck into the icy waters below as deadly denizens of the river race to tear him limb from limb. Meanwhile his companions call on allies old and new t...o try and save their friend from a watery grave! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast
Two men overboard on the port side!
A deadly accident leaves Lork thrashing in the water
Y'all gotta get these men back on board
Come down here and help me, dammit
But the heroes won't get any help from Troy
Just let him fucking drown
Nautical terms will be attempted
Are they on the port side or the starboard side?
Don't ask me questions.
It's the port side.
It's the left side of the boat.
And a harsh lesson will rise from the depths.
If you die in this combat, it's because you played the game the right way.
And let that be a lesson to everyone else.
Never play the game.
The adventure continues now. Well, well, well, look who decided to listen to the Glass Cannon Podcast.
Hey, you did.
What's going on, guys?
It's Joe here to say Happy New Year and welcome to the first Glass Cannon episode of 2016.
I wanted to do the intro today because I just had to thank you guys so much for voting me
favorite player of 2015.
I just got the good news from Steve Harvey here, and I am overjoyed.
And I don't even know where to begin with all my thank yous.
I have so many people to thank.
I'm going to start with my parents, of course, without whose support I couldn't possibly.
Sorry.
What?
What?
Stan won the best player award?
Are you kidding me?
Hey, just wanted to congratulate Skid for winning favorite player of 2015.
Good for him.
Guys, we are so excited to enter into another year of gaming with you all.
And we encourage you, as we usually do, to make sure to rate us on iTunes if you haven't already.
If you have, thank you so much.
And don't forget, you can always email us with your thoughts,
your suggestions for the show, even just your feelings,
at glasscannonpodcast at gmail.com.
That's enough from me.
Let's get on with the show.
Episode 32, Stop, Croc, and Roll.
Shut me out of here. You're fucking kidding me man really skid god damn it that was mortifying
get my agent on the phone right now this is an outrage an absolute disgrace there's supposed
to be a professional organization around here.
You know, the one thing Rag said was, don't just go take a dip in the ocean.
Don't just take a dip in the river for a little swim.
And what does Lork do?
On the first day of the journey, he swan dives in.
It was an unintentional swim
this is a complete
misappropriation of fact
this is not
admissible as evidence
this is so you think oh
okay all I gotta do is haul in some fishing
nets first one
no prob second one
nailed it third, was that the
20th? No, the third one was the one where he killed
it. Yeah, killed it. Natural 20.
He got some Dungeness crabs.
Yeah, there's lobster, some prawns.
Yeah, everything that doesn't normally live in the river.
Another wolverine.
Two animal companions?
River wolverines.
This one was drowned and dead.
Wolfmarine.
And then on the fourth
Again
You had no problem
Like you were
Definitely prepared for this
But the fucking rail
Gave way
The shoddy ass construction
No but Rag told you
Like it may look ungainly
But this ship is seaworthy
Doesn't make sense
Doesn't matter
Oh maybe there was
Shenanigans
Doesn't matter
Yeah I think there was
Well I'd love
Lork and Uruk
Fell in It's the last thing Lork and Uruk fell in.
It's the last thing Lork's thinking about right now.
Right.
Right, you're like, wait a minute, something is happening.
And he sinks to the bottom.
So Lork and Uruk fall in.
Baron is like, what, what, what, what?
Gormley, Crow's Nest, sees some sort of river denizens
making their way towards this new prey,
feeding time, as it were.
Are they on the port side or the starboard side?
Don't ask me questions.
Call them out.
Make them work.
Wait, it's the left side of the boat.
It's the port bird side.
It's the left side of the boat?
The port bird castle?
Wait, it's the port front.
Yeah, it's the left side.
Okay, that's the port side? The port bird castle? Wait, it's the port. Yeah, it's the left side. Okay, that's the port side.
The port pilot deck?
All right, so can Grumley seize this,
and she shouts,
Two men overboard on the port side!
She's been studying.
Right, Grumley did her homework,
and she yells,
Two men overboard, port side.
And then jumps down off the crow's nest.
You don't just get to jump down
yeah you do
when you have
feather fall
you gotta fucking roll
initiative
oh right
cause there is shit
going down
meanwhile Galabros
is just like
I'm so excited to cook
and then oh my god
I know
you know what I'd like to do
look at that crab
oh god
is that a dungeness
I would really really
like to roll a high initiative.
Ooh.
I did okay.
I did okay.
I done okay.
I done okay, mate.
It's all right, innit?
This has to be
our first combat
in what, 30, 40 episodes?
At least.
I mean, if we're accurate,
I think it's three,
but it's certainly
the first combat
we've ever started
with Lork armorless
in the water.
Yeah.
It's our first.
And everyone else
not in the water.
You know what?
You're better off
being armorless.
No,
that's true.
You would have sunk.
This is our first
amphibious combat.
And your first
book two
slash season two
combat.
Yes.
That's right.
So you get to show off
all your new powers
as Lork drowns.
Nope.
Drowns and dies. Okay. Where are my 20s pluses at? That's right So you get to show off all your new powers Nope Okay
Where are my 20s pluses at?
What?
I need to get the cricket sound
Wait, is there a cricket sound on Sirenscape?
Because this is insane
Do you guys forget how to roll dice?
It's been that long
Sorry, I'm just rolling ones and twos
15 plus.
18.
18.
All right.
18.
One at a time.
Do we all roll 18?
Every one of us?
I rolled a 17.
So wait,
Galabras, Gormley,
and Baron all rolled 18?
Yeah.
Come on.
I rolled a natural 18.
All right, well,
I know that Gormley
has the highest
initiative bonus.
Yeah.
No, what do you have?
Baron is second.
I also have plus seven.
Oh, roll off. It's a roll off. It's a roll off. It's a roll off. It's a roll off. This is thrilling. Do we still add our have? Baron is second. I also have plus seven. Oh, roll off.
It's a roll off.
It's a roll off.
It's a roll off.
It's a roll off.
This is thrilling.
Do we still add our bonus?
Thrilling television right now.
Do we still add our bonus?
No, no, no.
Just roll the die.
Four.
Well, it's the same anyway, so.
It is the same anyway.
Do we add our bonus?
Do we both add our bonus?
Fuck you, Mar.
That's a really great question.
You know what?
It had to be asked.
I'm sorry.
It had to be asked. I'm sorry. It had to be asked.
I'm sorry.
Oh, thank you. That was wonderful.
It had to be asked.
Our listeners are like, they're really
going to record a roll-off
for who got the higher initiative?
Damn straight we are.
I'm done with this podcast. I'm done with it.
Oh, man. I wrote the 14.
Okay, so. Add your bonus. Oh, man. I wrote the 14. Okay, so.
Add your bonus.
No, you add your bonus.
You add your bonus.
Baron with a plus seven.
Where'd you get the plus seven?
This is great.
Gunslinger's initiative.
Gunslinger's initiative.
I'm at a plus five when I have zero grip points.
Now you're a Gormley level initiative.
Yeah.
Fucking great.
Love leveling up.
Gormley, you see all this happen.
You yell because you're the first to act. What
do you do? So I've
just yelled and now I get to act? Yeah.
Alright, Gormley immediately
just hops over the side of the crow's nest
and just falls straight. Feather falls.
Feather falls. Falls straight to her death.
Take 3d6 damage. Not to be
a total annoying jerk, but do you
know how fast you fall with feather fall?
9.8 meters a second squared.
The reason that's important is in one round,
you may not be able to fall 30 feet.
To the deck.
Yeah.
You may, like, on the first round...
You're going to say fall slowly, so let me look it up.
Yeah, so look up the rules, and we'll all wait in silence.
I think you probably, on the first round,
you probably fall
halfway, maybe a little over half.
I'd be surprised if you fell
30 feet and didn't have any damage.
Can she initiate?
No, I can do it in a round. 60 feet per round.
60 feet per round.
All right, so...
She can get down and then
move 15 more feet.
And I'm in the middle of the deck,
so 15 will take me right to the edge of the...
Right, so you just go,
ah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah,
waft down, and you come up, what,
right beside Baron?
Yeah.
All right, so you see this go down.
Right at the edge.
Feather fall down, come right to the edge,
right next to where Baron is just holding
a net full of fish.
Can he
use that as a melee weapon?
Just swing a bag of fish.
Baron.
Baron wants to know
with his
exhaustive
compendium of knowledge
on fishing,
which he has gained in the last couple episodes,
can he throw the net out to get Lork
and his new half-orc companion back on the boat?
Can he snare them and bring them up?
You can, in a turn,
empty the net and prepare to throw it.
I would say that's probably fair.
You could empty the net of fish,
but you would lose that day's catch
because you're doing this hastily.
Lose that net's catch and then try to use that
to help either Urog or a lork.
Lork. John Lork lock or a lork. Lock.
John Lock.
We say lork.
I'm giving you a Sophie's Choice because it makes it more interesting.
I'm going to, as a free action, talk to the people on the ship.
Okay.
And I'm going to say in my loudest voice possible,
y'all get the best fishermen down here.
Y'all got to get these men back on board.
Whoever can hold a net, come down here and help me, damn it.
I can only get one up at a time.
And now you know that all the rowers were down below deck.
So you would assume with your booming dwarven voice that they heard that and that they will hopefully come help.
Right.
So you see Captain Bloodtusk on the pilot deck look at you like, all right, let's figure this out.
So the remainder of my turn will be taken to throwing these fish back to where their home is and getting the rope ready for my next round.
Yes. Okay.
Alright. Very interesting.
Galabras, you're just like so excited
to start your new journey
as a chef de cuisine.
You come out
just to kind of watch the daily catch
and you see all
hell break loose. What
do you do?
Okay.
I'm going to step up towards the railing,
not leaning on it,
as it may, in fact, be sabotaged.
I'm going to stand at the edge
and I will begin casting Summon Monster 2.
Oh!
Which I do have this time.
Yeah!
Oh, wait, Troy, real quick,
think of a reason why he can't cast it.
Yeah, could you real improvise a reason
why I can't do this?
Well, you did not role play his daily meditations.
Oh, that's right.
You didn't meditate.
Sorry, skin.
You were so excited to cut potatoes.
I am going to role play
head-butting the bridge of your nose In your brain
Why'd you do it for real?
You said roleplay
I'm LARPing
Troy
I don't like it
Is there anything
More interesting about some monster 2 vs 1
Besides you can get new monsters?
It's just a little more powerful
List of monsters to choose from.
And you'll see what you get.
All right.
But it's not like the high-level ones where you can summon multiple of a smaller one?
You can't summon multiple number ones?
I could.
Wait, Ski, before you get into this.
Nerd.
Ski's got something plain to do.
It is time for Nerd Edge. Oh, it's been too long.
I wish they could see us because we all dance.
So we all have our own...
It's infectious, man.
Like Charlie Brown Christmas dance to it.
Yeah.
Everyone has their own move.
God damn, I love that song.
I feel like Dick Clark's Top 40.
It's like rocketing to the top of the charts.
Dick Clark's top 40 is rocketing to the top of the charts.
So Summon Monster, there's like six or seven different levels of it.
And for each incremental level allows the summoning of more and more powerful monsters or multiple versions of monsters from the list right below.
It is now Uruk's turn.
Uruk, struggling.
So he magically found a number between 18 and 17?
Explain to me this number.
It's a hypothetical number.
I also want to know his bonus, because Skid's bonus is zero.
Why was there not a roll-off?
You know what? I'm done. I'm done.
He's walking out.
He's cast off his
cans, as we call them
in the business. It's Lorister.
Yeah!
That's fine. Just let him
fucking drown.
He rolled
a one on him. For flavor's sake.
He seemed like a really nice guy.
Well, he's drowning
so
but no
take your turn
well first thing
you're gonna do Lork
is you're gonna roll
a swim check
and you know what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna give you
a little knowledge
I'm gonna give you a learning
you can play that
nerdage again if you want
save it
about how swim checks work
so you gotta roll
a swim check
to stay afloat
and that's not an action nope that is just these are the conditions Save it about how swim checks work. So you've got to roll a swim check to stay afloat.
And that's not an action?
Nope.
That is just, these are the conditions.
You've got to see if you can even act.
If you succeed on the swim check, I'm not going to tell you the DC.
I'll tell you if you fail or pass, and then I'll tell you what it is.
If you succeed, you can then swim up to half your speed as a full round action,
or a quarter speed if you're using a standard action, okay?
If you fail that swim check, you begin to drown.
Fuck.
And when you begin to drown, you have to hold your breath, obviously, right?
Mm-hmm. And you can hold your breath up to two times your constitution score.
And you're like, whoa, you probably got what, like a 12? Yeah, 12. 12, so that's 24 rounds you can hold your breath. to two times your constitution score. And you're like, whoa, you probably got what, like a 12?
Yeah, 12.
12.
So that's 24 rounds you can hold your breath.
Oh, that seems pretty easy.
I'm never going to drown.
Any time you take an action.
You mean like try to live?
Right.
It reduces that number of rounds that you can live.
That you can hold your breath.
That you can hold your breath, yeah.
That's a lot of math.
And you've got to roll
a DC 10 constitution check
every round to continue holding your breath.
And if you fail,
that clock just ticks down, down, down.
You're grinning like you're so happy.
I'm just excited
to play in the water.
Oh, by the way,
there are some creatures coming towards you.
Well, he doesn't know that, I don't think. Let's start with a swim check. Alright, swim check. Oh, by the way, there are some creatures coming towards you. Yeah.
Well, he doesn't know that, I don't think.
Let's start with a swim check.
All right.
Swim check.
Here it goes.
Failed.
What'd you roll?
I rolled a seven total.
I was really not expecting this.
I don't know why you don't expect me to roll as shitty as possible.
What's your swim bonus, Jeff?
Four plus four.
So you rolled a three?
That is correct.
Hold on, did you add your bonus?
Did everyone add their bonus?
You are sinking and beginning to drown.
You can hold your breath for a number of rounds
equal to twice your constitution score,
but only if you do nothing other than
take move actions or free actions.
If you take a standard action
or a full round action,
like making an attack, the remainder
of the duration for which you can hold your breath
is reduced by one round.
Effectively, a character in combat
can hold his breath only half as long
as normal. Make sense?
After that period of time,
so like say that clock runs out,
you must make a DC 10 constitution check every round to continue holding your breath.
Each round the DC for the check increases by one.
If you fail that constitution check,
you begin to drown for real.
And that's when you die.
Meanwhile, the three of you know,
or maybe Galabras hasn't been caught up to speed yet.
Not only is Lork sinking and having to hold his breath.
He's disappeared under the water.
He's disappeared under the water,
but Gormley and Baron, you may even know,
there's shit coming at him.
Can we make out how many shit there is?
Wait, but I can take an action, can I not?
You can take an action, yes.
Just write on your, keep a side paper,
whatever your constitution score is, 12, 24.
That's the timer, 24.
That's your timer, 24 rounds.
And it subtracts one round for each standard action.
For each standard action, yep.
You can take a move action.
But again, since you-
But what is a move action? You told me
it was, you said that it was a full round
action to swim, right?
It's a full round action, like if you succeed... No, at your speed.
If you succeed,
you can move half your speed as a full
round action. So you go 15 if you go...
So is it a move action to just try
to swim to the surface again?
So basically, because you failed that check,
you're incapacitated. So I'm going to have to the surface again? So basically, because you failed that check, you're incapacitated.
So I'm going to have to spend
next round just trying
to get back up.
Right, if you can pass
that swim check
on the next round,
then you can move
quarter speed.
Get back up to the surface
and swim.
Half speed at full run,
actually, and start swimming.
But like, right now,
you are starting to drown.
Now it's going to take
a long time for you to drown,
for the water to actually enter your lungs. 24 hours. I'm really glad I rushed my are starting to drown. Now, it's going to take a long time for you to drown, for the water to actually enter your lungs.
24 hours.
I'm really glad I rushed my turn up to here.
Yeah.
I know.
Could have let Ura go.
Yeah.
Just the karma probably would have given me a better roll on the goddamn D20.
All right.
So, Lork is sinking.
So, you guys just see Lork gone.
Disappears. Gone. Is swim a strength or dex? Strength. Damn it. Sorry. Swim is so Lork is sinking. So you guys just see Lork gone, disappear.
Gone. Is swim a strength or a dex?
Strength.
Damn it.
Sorry.
Swim is strength-based, yeah.
I had a plan.
Thwarted.
Wow.
You never know how these combats are going to work out.
Use your spectral hand or my hair.
Use your hair.
Lork go in, and probably from the distraction of not expecting this,
he goes in and just you just see bubble bubble bubble
Urak
finds his way to the
surface he passes his swim check
of course he does
got a plus nine to swim bro
god damn it
he is a man of the sea
you would think a guy that works on a boat knows how to swim, bro. God damn it. He is used to it. You would think a guy that works
on a boat knows how to swim.
He's a boatman. Okay, so he
passes the swim check and
moves to
the edge of what's
left of the side of the boat,
but he can't
now climb into the boat. He doesn't
have enough moves left. So he's just
kind of staying there, which means he has to roll another swim check next round
and hopefully stay afloat.
To stay afloat, yeah.
But he's swimming over there to try and get back on board.
And it is now...
Galapagos?
No, he already went.
He already went.
All of a sudden.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Gormley, you see this.
A giant fucking crocodile
crocodile
so it's going to pull me under
swims up
crocodile
and goes to attack
Lork underwater
I would call him
easy prey
am I wrong to call him easy prey
no he is green wouldn't they assume that he might be another type of crocodile Easy prey Am I wrong? Am I wrong to call him easy prey? No
And he attempts
He is green
Wouldn't they assume
That he might be another
Type of crocodile?
Crocodiles are
Really stupid
And their sight
Is based entirely on
Color
This is a
Well known fact
Well known fact
It's a fantasy world
And they love green
Croc
Attacks Lork
And rolls Tries to bite you.
Rolls a 12.
Hits.
No armor.
Oh, because you don't have armor.
Yeah.
Come on.
And I can't imagine you don't have,
you get your dex bonus to AC underwater.
If you do, it still hits.
If you do, it hits twice.
Are you kidding me? A 12 hits? I don't have armor. Okay, so it, it hits twice. Are you kidding me?
A 12 hits?
I don't have armor.
Okay, so this is insane.
I love this game.
Oh, I'm glad.
I bet you're having a good time.
So it bites you and just,
all of a sudden you're like,
I'm drowning, I'm drowning.
Blood gushes out of your arm.
The biggest thing I have to worry about
is getting up to the surface next round.
It does seven points of damage,
and it gets a free chance to grapple you.
Oh my God.
And it grapples you.
Oh God.
Lork, a crocodile just swam up to you,
bit you,
and has now wrapped you in its jaws.
And it doesn't take a guy
with a lot of
Pathfinder knowledge nature to know
what this fucking thing is gonna do next round.
Just swim down.
If it succeeds on a grapple check.
Oh, that's fine.
Oh, by the way, another crocodile comes out.
And swims up to Urog.
Oh my God.
Your old buddy, the guy that just seemed...
So nice.
Seemed like a good dude.
And he goes to bite Urag.
He bites Urag.
Urag takes nine points of damage.
And Urag is grappled.
All right, I gotta get some music
going here
death music
alright yeah
so
one crocodile came up
took a bite out of Lork
and locked on
grappled
another crocodile came up
Urag
actually didn't sink
is on his way
to climb up the boat
but too late
this croc comes up
bites him
and also grapples Urag
oh god
round two
I'm not gonna lie this seemingly simple I mean clearly not simple combat bites him and also grapples Urag. Oh, God. Round two.
I'm not going to lie.
This seemingly simple, I mean, clearly not simple combat,
could be a death combat.
And it is now Gormley's turn.
I'm nervous.
Gormley?
All right.
So I believe this is not an action,
because it says I can do it instantly.
Go on.
Gormley's hair begins to grow.
And it just begins, it And it just All her wild hair
All of a sudden stretches out
10 feet and goes straight down
So there's a rope there
In case someone can get to it
They can climb up her hair
So it's just there
That's not an action
So I can see the crocodile
I can see that the crocodile came and grabbed Lork
Can I see that? Are they shallow enough that I can see what's happening? can see that the crocodile came and grabbed Lork. Can I see that?
Are they shallow enough that I can see what's happening?
They are probably three to five feet underwater.
So you just see, you saw Lork go down,
and then you see this mass, like, dark shadow come up to Lork.
You're not going to see clear shapes.
I mean, you can see the dark shapes, I would imagine.
Like, you can infer from Ura getting bit that that's probably a croc, but you can't see him.
They're underwater.
Could I target it with a spell?
Absolutely not.
No?
I was going to ear-piercing scream.
I don't need to know what it is to scream at it, do I?
Think about, say you and me are in a pool, like we normally do.
Like we normally are.
Like we normally are.
And I jump
underwater, and you're on the deck,
and you scream at me. I wouldn't
hear you for days, Matthew. I wouldn't
hear you. It's a magical scream.
Go on.
It's a magical scream. And also, sound
is amplified underwater. Yes, but you
have to be under the water. That's the thing.
Try to save your life, Joe.
I would think... Save yourself.
I think unless someone can... My life is forfeit.
I think
if you want to jump in the water
and scream underwater, yeah, I'll totally
allow it. But, and if, like,
Urog's crocodile would be
affected by it because they're above water,
but, like,
if anything, it's going to increase the DC
of the save. I think that's fair.
Increase the DC of the save by, like, five.
Because they're underwater.
There's one other thing I'll put out there without saying anything, and that's...
But you're saying something.
Well, without suggesting an action.
Everyone in this area is in danger of falling off.
At some point.
Yeah.
So do you have anything to prevent that?
Well, here I...
Not really.
My thinking was that if I can affect the crocodile by the scream,
if it fails to save its days, so it would release the grapple.
But if I can't affect it, then...
The rulebook says it's up to GM's
discretion.
So, GM's discretion. And he has made his choice.
He's made his choice. You can blame this
completely, entirely
on Troy.
Whatever he does. You could say
Buurak right now. Unfortunately, the lork
is beyond your care unless you were to
jump in the water and scream underwater.
Which I wish there was like an anime
version of this podcast.
I would love to see that visually.
Alright, I'm going to...
So Urag is not grappled, he just got bit.
No, he's grappled as well. He is also grappled, but he's
above water. I will ear-piercing scream the
crocodile that
grabbed Urag.
So you just walk up to the edge of the boat
and like... That wasn't ear-piercing. I you just walk up to the edge of the boat and like...
That wasn't ear
piercing.
You don't have to do one.
Alright, I'll do it for real.
So it's 2d6 sonic damage.
And that's just no save, it just doesn't.
No, well you get a...
You get a fortitude save.
A fortitude save, right.
And then if you fail that, you take full damage and are
dazed. Alright, fortitude
save. Let me tell you what the fortitude save is.
DC 14.
23. Oh, god.
Fucking god damn ass. Alright, so you take three
So the crocodile takes three damage.
The croc takes three
damage.
Fair enough.
And it is not dazed,
but it doesn't
release the grab relief either, but you did
do damage to the crocodile.
Great! Alright, Baron. Baron, you're up.
So, I
see
this ear-piercing scream, and
I'm still
dismayed by the situation we're facing
because, you know, they're out there and frowning.
I look towards Galabras and say,
a bit of luck?
And he says, any type of wink back?
Nothing?
It's not my turn.
Okay.
You're right.
All right, I'm going to roll.
I'm going to try to throw my net at
Lork, my best friend.
Okay.
Ooh. That's not good.
Nine.
Fisherman. You throw the net
into the water and it just starts
drifting up the river.
It's gone? God damn it!
It's gone.
Lork, I love you so much.
And Ben Vereen is very sad right now.
Ben Vereen is on deck just panicking.
Not only are the fish lost,
but so is that net.
Galabras, what do you got cooking?
Joe is writing me messages in his diary.
At this point, listeners, you should know that Joe, being the pessimist,
100% assumes Lark is going to die this episode.
Maybe he will.
Maybe he will.
But he's 100% assured.
I'm just saying I really thought
That the Wolverine
Would probably die before me
I didn't know I'd have to get
A new owner for the Wolverine
There's a good chance
The Wolverine would die
During the gambling
Drinking session last night
That's true
Just accidentally stepped on
But hey you know what
Let's see what your friends
Can do
Galabras
So you think you're
Pretty hot shit don't you You think you're pretty hot shit, don't you?
You think you're the king of the universe just
because you control all the events
that happen in it. Does it feel good up there
on your high horse, you fucking asshole?
Yeah, do you like it up there on your gilded throne?
Your imperial
majesty? Is someone talking to me?
I can't hear you, darling. Can't even hear me. Look at him
pretending to not even hear me.
The lowly cleric standing
on a boat
on a river beneath his notice.
Well, let me tell you something,
buddy boy.
I'm about to take you down a peg
in the form
of a celestial
squid.
His name is Dalton.
And he's about to fuck up your precious crocodiles.
So you summoned Dalton the celestial squid.
Dalton the celestial squid is making a fucking appearance.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is exactly
What it sounds like
When Dalton appears
I'm suddenly more
Optimistic
He appears directly behind
Your fucking crocodile
That's trying to kill
The one that is grappling Lork
Yep
Okay
And he immediately
Does what squids do,
which if you watch National Geographic as much as I do,
kill crocodiles.
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All right.
Bites at the crocodile
for 14.
AC
14.
All right.
All right then.
Nice.
Four points of damage.
Okay.
And he wraps his suckered tentacles around the crocodile.
Trying to grapple the grappler?
Can one grapple a grappler?
17 to hit.
Does not grapple the croc.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's just the two-hit roll. You already rolled the two-hit. You said 14. No, no, no, no, no. That's just the two-hit roll.
Wait, you already rolled the two-hit.
You said four-times the bite.
No, no, no, it's a separate attack.
The first one was a bite.
This is the tentacle attack.
Oh, this is the tentacle attack.
Right, and then he'll get a free...
He's going to get a free attempt to grapple.
It happens on the...
Yeah, 17 hits.
So the attack still does damage, right?
Yeah.
So...
Three points of damage for the tentacle okay and now he attempts to grapple
this is insane a squid grappling a croc grappling a half orc all right he fails
wow but he not without doing some damage we would get some complicated shit there i don't think i've
ever seen anyone grapple a grappler besides the grappley.
That's the only reason I'm happy it didn't happen,
because my brain would explode trying to figure it out.
But all I could assume is that everyone is still grappled.
Yeah, maybe.
And then when it's the croc's turn, the croc has to decide,
am I going to continue my grapple with Lork,
or am I going to try and get out of the grapple with the squid?
I mean, that makes sense, but
either way, there's a fucking squid
in the mix!
There's a squid in the ointment.
Speaking of squids,
Lork,
you're grappled. You're underwater.
You've got to make your
swim check, but you've got
there's other things to deal with. The swim check is the least of your worries.
There are other things to deal with, namely Galabras' turn.
Oh.
See, now he's on my side.
Once again.
Now he's on my side.
I've got to throw it out.
I've got to tell the listeners just an image.
Whenever Skid gets pissed, he grabs his mic, his handheld mic,
as if he's about to pull it out
of its setting like a preacher thump troy with it you sit there
on your tower made of mammoth tusks of illegally procured ivory 15 feet in the air i'm describing
the scene for people who've never seen how troy in the room. Yeah, we don't have a video in the room yet, but yeah, you
should see his ivory tusk thrown.
This is faux ivory.
With your three...
It's plivory.
Three eunuchs with...
fanning you
with peacock feathers.
They're really quiet. And you think
you're the... They're cool dudes.
You think you're the king of Galarian.
Well, let me tell you something.
Galabras starts casting Summon Monster 1.
Oh.
See, this is so clutch.
This is intense.
So Galabras runs up, summons Monster 2.
Round later, squid appears.
Squid attack, attack.
Oh, by the way, I think we know this, but I don't think we explained.
When you summon a monster, you have to take the full round to go through the casting process right right so he's
doing this like he's doing this whole like incantation whatever and then after
round later the monster appears right all right awesome ah so I'll get back to
you next round I hope we see I love I love Gary. I love Galabras. Yeah. Who doesn't? Such a game changer.
Who doesn't?
And we thought he was just a sous chef.
That's right.
Just the old chef de cuisine.
Yeah.
Just trying to find out who stole the lost potatoes.
He's only good at chopping onions.
All right, Lork.
Lork, this is what's happening.
You fucking fell in.
A crocodile bit you, and then it's now grabbed onto you.
And I'm sure you've been around crocs.
You know what they're going to do.
And then all of a sudden you hear,
and you feel the croc being bucked away because there's a giant squid attacking it.
What do you do?
I mean, yeah, there's a swim check, but that's besides the point. You're
underwater right now. You've got to escape this grapple.
What are you doing? What are you doing? I think naturally
I'm just going to attempt to break
the grapple. I have an
exertion sound effect.
Grr!
It didn't sound like it was
underwater. Well, that was pretty good, though.
That was really impressive.
Now, I believe, tell me if I'm wrong, I get a plus five to my CMD?
No, not at all.
It's just straight up.
CMD versus, you get a plus five to your CMB to maintain the grapple.
But this is against your CMD.
Fail.
I rolled a two.
So, I mean, when I say, everybody knows this, I'm terrible at rolling dice. So, I failed. I rolled a 2. So, I mean, when I say everybody knows this,
I'm terrible at rolling dice.
So I failed, so that's it.
Okay, and I would say
that's going to take
two rounds off of your
drowning score. So you went
from 23... 4.
24 to now 22.
Again,
this isn't your drowning score.
When you get to zero, that's when you begin drowning, drowning.
This is holding your breath.
Right.
Like the water hasn't entered your lungs, so you're underwater.
Right.
These are all six second rounds.
Drowning, drowning like drops him to zero HP.
Drowning, drowning just kills you, yes.
It's bad.
It's bad news bears.
Let's keep going.
But it is now Urag's bad. It's bad news bears. Let's keep going. But it is now Urag's turn.
Urag will try to escape the grapple.
Obviously, he's going to follow in Lork's footsteps.
And this is just straight up...
Well, hopefully not following.
That exertion is so perfect.
Okay, so he tries to break the grapple.
CMB versus CMD.
Fails.
Of course.
And now, where he is above water, I think that he would have to...
He does another swim check.
He does a swim check?
No.
He just failed the grapple.
You know what I would say?
I would say you wait until the crocodile's turn. And the crocodile. He just failed the grapple. You know what I would say? I would say you wait until the crocodile's turn,
and the crocodile then gets to maintain the grapple,
and if it wants to, it can take him below water.
His swimming right now is out of his control.
Yeah, like the swimming is the least part of the problem.
It's not even an issue.
He can't swim.
He can't.
He's not keeping himself afloat.
Right.
If you're not in grappling situation,
or if you just fell into the water, like, ah, I've got to stay afloat. Right. If you're not in grappling situation or if, like, if you just fell into the water, like,
I got to stay afloat.
That's one thing.
This is your idea.
Yeah, but you still need the, like, coordinated usage of your limbs to stay afloat.
And he's, like, whoop, wrapped up.
So that's not his choice.
It's bad news.
He did not escape the grapple.
And now it's the crocodile's turn.
So they have to, they have every turn at the beginning of the turn,
do they have to make a check?
Is that how it works?
If they want to maintain.
Maintain the grapple?
Matthew, let me tell you what the crocodiles do.
The short answer to your question?
I was asking for a friend.
Yeah, asking for a friend.
Yeah, the first thing they want to do
is try to maintain the grapple.
If they maintain the grapple, they then do a death roll.
Oh, shit.
I've seen that on Nat Geo.
It's fucked up, man.
I think we all know what a death roll is.
Lockjaw, and then they roll.
And with the death roll, it automatically does its bite damage
and the target,
Lork, Urag,
in this circumstance,
is knocked prone.
Which means they're...
Meaningless.
It's meaningless for Lork,
bad for Urag.
It would submerge Urag and just...
And his 24 rounds start. Which I'm sure you're going to keep track of.
How dare you?
How dare you question me?
That was skid level bitterness.
It's just hard to get legal pads up on top of that throne.
Croc I, who I'm calling C1,
attempts to maintain the grapple and begin its death roll with Lork.
19 against your CMD.
My CMD is 19.
Come on, Lork!
Lork.
That's a good CMD!
That's a great CMD.
Fuck!
Unfortunately, it's not great enough.
And now it just spins with your body.
And does, oh, you're very lucky, minimum damage, five damage,
and just spins you underwater, clinging to you.
It tucks its legs and just fucking rolls,
twisting and wrenching you underwater.
Do you lose rounds of breath holding if you take damage?
You don't.
You don't.
I think you should.
It's more flavor.
But you already took the damage. I think there's two big...
That damage could have been a lot worse.
I think there's two big failings of the Pathfinder system underwater.
Taking damage, not lowering those rounds, and
your armor check bonus does not
count against swim.
Oh, it doesn't? Nope. You can just
swim in regular armor. Oh, that's dumb.
That doesn't make sense at all. It's crazy, because I had to look it up
for something else, and
on the boards, the owner
of Paizo, or whatever, one of the guys at Paizo
that responds to these things was like,
yeah, I mean, we just kind of do
what you want, but we kind of homebrew it
to you sink
faster, but there's nothing in the rule
book about armor on a boat.
And I like to take it off because
I think it's more realistic. Because on a boat, they'd be
like, are you insane?
You're wearing metal armor?
Even to slip, or if a railing
breaks, something you wouldn't plan,
and you fall in the water,
it's much harder to not die.
Well, I mean, if you die in this combat,
it's because you played the game the right way.
I'm not sure what that means.
And let that be a lesson to everyone else.
Never play the game.
Yeah, exactly.
So, best case scenario, never play the game. The So Best case scenario Never play the game
The crocodile
Attempts to maintain
The grapple
Against
What's his name
Urag
Does
Easily does
Semper Fi
And does
Fucking
Six points of damage
Urag
Is
You just see
A puddle
Of blood Rising from the water Urag is, you just see a puddle of blood rising
from the water. Urag is
close to death.
He is prone
and is now beginning to drown as well.
This is like a scene
straight out of Jaws with the blood in the water.
I'm so
excited. My headphones just fell off.
I'm not excited.
Yeah, you seem really happy about doing off. I'm not excited. Yeah, you seem really happy about doing this.
I'm not happy. I just love
a good combat.
You're just loving this.
It's one thing. It's great. I get to use all my
new fourth level abilities. You're right. This is really fun.
You're attacked by five orcs. All right, well, I kill this guy.
This is the problem you've got to solve.
You're right.
Round three. It's a problem of the dice
so far for the Lord of the Masters. What about G solve. You're right. Round three. It's a problem of the dice so far for the Warcraft master.
What about Gormley?
No, wait.
Round three.
I can't even read my own writing.
I'm so excited.
Round three, Gormley.
I still can't see lore.
Or the Crock-a-Bow.
Now you can't see either of them.
Or I can see dark forms.
You see dark forms.
In the night.
Gormley's going to cast Spectral Hand.
Oh, so Gormley just stands there and summons this sort of ghostly apparition of a hand in front of her?
Yeah.
Is that a standard action?
It's a standard action.
Okay.
So just...
And you stay sort of right up against the rail.
Yep.
And her hair is still waving around there.
Right, so your hair is basically effectively ropes. Yes. And her hair is still waving around there. Your hair is
basically effectively ropes
if they ever break free.
It only extends 10 feet, so
I can't get to Urog
or the crocodile right now, right? No.
If Lork or Urog break free
and get to the edge, it's going to give them a
plus 5 to their climb check. It's a DC 15
climb check, so that would be a DC 10
climb check if they can reach your hair. And I will say, anyone that reaches the rail is a DC 10 climb check. It's a DC 15 climb check, so that would be a DC 10 climb check if they can reach your hair.
And I will say, anyone that reaches the
rail is a DC 10 climb check
as long as your hair is extended.
Because I'm a benevolent GM.
What?
Get the fuck out of here.
Okay, that's my turn. Baron.
Baron does
a quick, before
acting at all,
perception check to see if
CB
Captain Bloodtusk is on his way down
to help me or not to try to fish him
out of the water
Bloodtusk
saw this go down
and is making his way from the pilot deck
down to the deck.
But his kukri and his scimitar are still on his back,
and he's more just kind of like
thinking, how do I manage this situation?
I don't think he knows yet,
because imagine, these rounds are what,
six seconds long, Skid?
Yeah.
He doesn't quite know the severity of the situation.
He's making his way down.
Probably by the beginning of next round, he'll be at where you are,
and then you can inform him like fishing, broke, alligators, blah, blah, blah.
Are the first three nets we pulled in, presumably pulled in a net, emptied it out,
pulled in a net, emptied it out.
Are those other three nets available to me empty?
Yes.
Okay.
And to be fair, it's pretty difficult to ascertain from a distance the severity of a multiple crocodile attack.
He's so angry.
I'm just going to wait and see how this plays out.
I don't know.
I don't know how bad of a multiple crocodile attack this is. I'm going to
take my time. I want to slip on the deck.
It's wet.
There's lots of blood in the water.
He's running. He's trying to
only 12 seconds have passed.
He's running like, what is going on?
And by next run
he'll get there and you can inform him.
He's beyond the reach of my gun.
There's nothing I can practically do. So I'm just going to throw one of the empty nets and you can inform him. He's beyond the reach of my gun. There's nothing I can practically do.
So I'm just going to throw one of the empty nets and try to catch him again.
Try to catch Lork, Urog, Croc.
I'm not going to try to catch Urog.
Fuck that guy.
I just met him.
I mean, you seem like a nice guy, but okay.
So you're trying to throw it at Lork, who has grappled with the crocodile.
Right.
So you're going to hold onto the net,
throw it down, and see if he grabs onto it?
Yeah.
Or just try to catch him outright,
because the... I mean, I know they were just fish earlier,
but because it was a profession bonus
rather than a strength bonus,
it seemed to be,
based on how they were being treated earlier,
that it would be based more on my skill than anything else.
Sure.
Well, the way I'm looking at it is you're rolling right now to see if you hit the space in front of Lork.
And if you do, that net is there so that if Lork does escape this grapple and does pass his swim check, he can then grab that net and you can help him.
That's what I'm just logistically trying to figure out.
I think it's a great move.
So that's what I'm doing.
If it works.
13.
Okay, so you throw the net out
and it lands right where you last saw Lorc's body go under.
So there was a net there and Baron's got it
and it's laying like above your head.
So if you break out of this grapple
and pass a swim check to get to the surface,
you could grab this neck,
and on Baron's turn,
he could pull you up like a fucking shark.
Your classic river shark.
Like a river shark.
And I say to the ocean,
he was too old for this shit.
It's a river.
I don't know where I am.
Say to the ocean's river.
Those classic saltwater rivers.
All right.
Well, there are sharks in this river, so I'm really confused.
First of all, I'm just going to say it's Galabras' turn,
and you take your squid, your Summon Monster one, and your Galabras,
and then you tell me when I'm allowed to speak again.
I just want to make sure I'm doing it right.
You think you're real special,
don't you?
I'm glad Galadros is on my side.
Sitting up there
on your replica Parthenon.
Replica Parthenon.
With a tiny chair on top of it.
Like in Nashville, Tennessee?
Like you're the, like you're zeus himself
like you're the pope of chili town well let me tell you something buster brown
buster brown you're about to have to deal with an old friend yeah a dear and trusted friend. A blast from the past.
His name is Gary.
Yes!
And he is a motherfucking celestial dolphin.
Well-known enemies to un-celestial crocodiles.
They hate crocodiles.
So you summon this one next to the crocodile that is grappling. Behind him that's attacking.
Right, the other guy.
So you can either attack with Gary
or with the squid.
What was the squid's name?
The squid's name is Dalton.
Dalton, right. So it's either Gary
or Dalton's turn.
I can't believe Gary's back.
Gary's back, baby.
I fucking told you he would come back.
Yeah, he did.
To haunt your fucking dreams. I know you. I fucking told you he would come back. Yeah, he did. To haunt your fucking dreams.
That's right.
I know you're not going to be able to sleep tonight.
Do it for Gary.
Hashtag do it for Gary.
Oh, wait.
Wait, before you do it, I forgot the...
You got a dolphin sound?
I forgot the sound effect.
It's very important.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
Boom. There you go.
And in the water appears a celestial dolphin.
I'm Gary.
14 to hit for Dalton.
Hits.
Come on, Dalton.
And this is the one that's attacking Lork's enemy.
Nice.
Four points of damage from the bite.
Nice. And he's going from the bite. Nice.
And he's gonna strike with his tentacles.
Come on, tentacles!
No, no!
Just lie, just lie.
Hate, yeah, hate with the tentacles.
Tentacle misses, but you did do significant damage.
Shut up.
With the bite.
Stop lying.
Squirt bite.
All right, Gary. Okay.
You're supposed to stop talking
until he tells you he's right.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm trying to keep the peace.
All right.
By the way, that's not the sound
of Gary making dolphin noises.
That's the sound of his AK-47
that I sound him.
He has a celestial AK-47.
Yeah, it works underwater Trust me guys. All right. He's going to slam
Let the boys be boys
Onyx guys
20
Gentlemen, Gary just made his first successful attack.
Two points of damage.
Yeah, Gary.
Yeah, Gary.
So what does he do?
He just kind of like comes out of the water and brings his whole body down in the alligator?
Well, this is what dolphins do underwater.
This is true.
They actually headbutt their enemies underwater.
They gain speed.
Yeah, so just like very hard.
So he came down low and came up to the underbelly
of the crocodile and just rammed his head.
Sure. There are episodes
of Flipper where Flipper attacks sharks.
You're not going to get him to like
anything right now. Skid's very angry.
Alright, hey. I'll tell you what.
These crocs have taken some damage.
No thanks to
some of you. Alright, now
it's Galabras' turn
Alright
See I didn't forget you this time
You think you're real hot shit
He's talking you down
What are you gonna cure my wounds?
I'll tell you what
Hot shit gets flushed down the toilet
Where I come from
I'm gonna start casting
Summon Monster 1
Let's keep them coming.
And now you can talk your majesty.
Oh, God.
I believe it is Lork's turn.
Lork, you are grappled by a crocodile who is being attacked by a squid.
And prone?
Lying down under water? Lying down under water? by a crocodile who was being attacked by a squid. And prone? And prone?
Lying down under water? Lying down under water?
Basically, the prone affected Urog.
Obviously, it didn't affect you.
You were already prone for all intents and purposes.
But Urog's in bad shape, and so are you.
All right, here we go.
What are you going to do?
Does anybody have a fucking bottle cap to get this guy?
He's trying to fight his way out of the grapple.
He will go to, once again, fight his way out of the grapple. He will go to, once again, fight
his way out of the grapple.
Natural one. Come on.
This is the third
D20 that I've rolled in a row. I've changed
D20s each time.
This is unbelievable!
Natural one.
So you
try to break out, and
when I see a natural one
I think that
part of you is like
just let me die
no
come on no
no
I don't believe it
but like what
what is happening with Lork
why is he
did he drink too much last night
well yeah
obviously
natural one
skit
natural one to break the grapple
uh
alright so take
so if you want to take like
I would say you want to take
an extra round of breath off or something. Yeah, take
two rounds of breath off. Well, you did two before.
You want to do three? Yeah. Yeah, take
three rounds of breath off. Gotta recognize that natural 1.
I'm just trying to play by the
rules of the game. Are you two conspiring
to kill Lore? Because you guys
are like, no, just take seven rounds off.
It looks that way, but it's like, roll a 2.
And I can't do that.
Not only do I like natural ones being worse,
but that is like the least worse there is.
Like one more round of breath, come on.
I'm sorry I said that.
I don't think that's going to be the thing that's going to kill Lorik.
I shouldn't even have brought it up.
Clearly Lorik isn't hoping for death.
This is Lorik's...
No, he's not giving up.
He is fighting very hard.
But I'm just trying to, story-wise,
think, what is happening to Lork? Well, he was prone.
It's the prone.
But seriously, the spin, that's a brutal
thing to come out of. If he makes it out of it,
after the spin, we're all going to be like,
Lieutenant Lork, you ain't got no legs.
Lork, what are we at?
What are we at for rounds right now, Lork?
Pub of Lork.
19.
So you've got time. But you think, Lorc? Puppet Lorc. 19. 19.
All right, so you've got time.
Plenty of time.
But you think like, oh, Lorc's fine.
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
I mean, I don't think Lorc's fine.
Chipping away at these crocs.
Maybe you do.
All right, it is Urog's turn.
I forgot.
A little delayed exertion.
But it didn't work.
Urog.
Urog.
I just want to break out of this grapple.
Siren scapes finest moment.
Urog breaks free.
Yeah!
With a 23.
Urog breaks free, and...
You see Gormley's hair just kind of like...
Yeah, I don't think he can make a climb check, though.
He broke...
Actually, no.
Breaking free...
I think breaking free is a standard action.
Okay, so Urag broke the grapple,
but that's a standard action to break the grapple.
He is out.
And now...
Wait, he can't move, then?
He cannot.
He can move at a quarter speed,
but he's already at the rail.
He can't climb up.
That climb check is another standard action.
Climbing is a move action.
Oh!
All right, so he's going to start the climb
Which is now DC 10 instead of DC 15
For him
That's huge, Gormley
How does your body withstand
All this weight on it?
Or is the hair just
The hair has its own strength
Guys, Urag breaks the grapple
Of the crocodile and climbs halfway up
There you go.
Like five feet off Gormley's hair.
Gormley is like bracing himself.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel.
He is slightly, you would say,
he's out of the grasp of the crocodile.
But what does that mean?
That means now Lork is alone with two crocodiles.
Speaking of which,
Crocodile 1 attacks,
or excuse me,
attempts to death roll Lork again.
First to maintain the grapple.
28, maintains the grapple.
Does, again, minimum damage.
Nice.
Does only five points of damage.
And you are still knock prone.
Oh, crap.
God forbid.
So imagine this is all happening in real time,
just spitting with your body, Lork.
Chipping away at damage.
It's crazy.
And then Crocodile 2 begins making its way towards Lork as well,
but does not attack.
They're basically,
imagine two dogs that you threw meat at.
Attack of opportunity from a little dolphin I call Gary.
He goes away from Gary and,
yep.
14?
14 hits.
Three damage.
Gary,
the celestial dolphin.
Kills him. Two hits in a row.
Kills him.
Kills him.
Gary straight up murders him. Kills him dead.
Round
four.
You guys just see...
You know, for a second I thought that this
was a little like the gelatinous cube
combat where I was taken out of it for the whole time.
But then I remembered that this
is way more dangerous than the
gelatinous cube combat.
Yeah, you're dreaming of a gelatinous cube. Yeah, I wish I could just be paralyzed than the gelatinous cube combat. Yeah, you're dreaming of a gelatinous cube, right?
Yeah, I wish I could just be paralyzed in a gelatinous cube.
Gormley.
All right, so here's what I want to do.
Are you going to dive into the water?
No.
Okay.
Don't forget, Urog is holding onto my hair.
He's holding onto your hair.
Gormley's spectral hand is going to dive into the water
to the crocodile attacking Lork.
I'm nervous.
I'm sorry.
It's not going to touch the crocodile.
It's going to touch Lork
and going to cast Enlarge Person on Lork.
Oh, there we go.
Holy shit.
That should turn the tables, right?
That's what I'm talking about.
Where does he touch him?
Sensuously on whatever is not being bitten.
The buttocks.
The green buttocks.
That's an erotic zone.
Holy shit.
In his bathing suit area.
So what is it?
Is it doubles in size?
Doubles in size.
Doubles in size and your weight multiplies by eight.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Plus two to strength, which is the reason I gave it to you,
because that helps with swim and breaking
the grapple, right?
Yeah, but also,
how could he hold
the grapple if I
doubled in size?
That's a good point.
Yeah.
Let's just say it's
You could also just
wade to the shore,
I would think.
Or just sink like a rock.
Yeah.
Well, it's up to you,
but come on.
No, I think the crocodile
his jaws can maintain.
I would say it's going
to take a minus to its maintained grapple for sure. All right. Wait, wait come on. No, I think the crocodile his jaws can maintain? I would say it's going to take a minus to
its maintained grapple, for sure.
Wait, wait, wait. If insufficient
room is available for the desired
growth, the creature attains the
maximum possible size and may make a strength
check to burst any enclosures
in the process. If it fails,
it is constrained without harm until the enclosing
is. You know what? Yeah. So
say you were in a room
that was 10 feet high, okay?
A room?
A room.
And you enlarge person,
and that brings you up to 12 feet.
Then you roll a strength check
to see if you burst through the ceiling of that room.
Big chunk.
It's going to be really fun
if we say,
Lorik, you roll a strength check
to see if you grow larger
than the bite of this.
The jaws.
The jaws of this crocodile.
Yeah, man.
Give it a shot.
All right, I'm going to say DC 15.
DC 15, then I'm adding two to my strength?
Yeah.
Okay.
To break the jaws.
DC 15 failed.
God damn it.
Jesus Christ.
In consecutive rounds, I've rolled seven, three, two, one, four.
Those are my last four D20 rolls.
Sometimes the dice don't roll.
Maybe try using a different die.
I've tried three different ones.
That would have been awesome.
Throw them all away.
You still get the most things on your turn.
Yeah, but I'm still enlarged.
God damn it.
So, Lor, you just see, like, Baron, you're on deck,
and you just see this, what Laura Lorca is grow.
Huge.
And you think, oh, that's another alligator.
Looks green.
Speaking of Baron, you're up.
Can Baron tie this netting down to something
so he can pull Lorca in once he grabs it?
You could...
So right now you have the netting right where Lork is,
and you're just kind of waiting for him to break free
so you can help him bring up.
But if you want to do something else,
you can, as a free action,
you can kind of fasten the net to the deck.
How about Lork
has not gone this turn yet.
He has not. So I'm going to
hold my action until Lork goes
and if he doesn't, I will
take that free action and then do something
else. Now if he does break free,
are you going to... Yeah, I'm going to yank him out.
So those are my two conditions. If he breaks free,
I'm going to yank him back
and if he does not yank free, free action, tie it down and do something else.
I feel what you're putting down.
Galabras, all six of your characters.
All right.
You think...
No, I'm just kidding.
So Dalton, this is his last round.
Dalton the Celestial Squid.
So he is going to try to make the most of it.
And first try to bite.
11.
Miss.
And then try to...
Come on, tentacles.
I need those tentacles.
Tentacle him.
Huge.
Nice.
That's a hit.
Nice.
Four points of damage.
Okay.
And now he will attempt to grapple him.
25.
The crocodile is grappled by the screw.
Yeah!
And he releases Lork.
Yes!
All right.
It wouldn't make sense that, like, I mean, it's up to him on his turn,
but he's probably going to release Lork and try to get out of this grapple yeah thrash wildly so the the
squid did did damage and grappled the crack yep Gary as this is won't will
swim over to the other crocodile and attempt to headbutt him
and fumble.
Oh, Gary.
He's like the Ryan Tannehill of dolphins.
Cutter.
I guess Gary is more
emotionally disturbed than we thought.
He's a cutter.
You take one point of
strength bleed damage.
So basically Gary
went to attack and grazed himself
on one of the croc spikes.
Just started listening to Smith's albums.
What's the point?
But Lork's dead anyway.
He might get cheered up.
You know why?
Because he's got a little bit of company.
In the form
of Felicia,
the other celestial dolphin.
Wait, does Gary
have a paramour?
I don't know what their relationship is.
I don't pry.
Felicia appears on the opposite
side of the other dolphin.
So flanking the croc. Gary and Felicia flanking the opposite side of the other dolphin. So flanking the croc.
Gary and Felicia flanking.
And misses.
But she's out there.
She's real.
She's out there.
Yep.
And Galabras.
I love how Galabras has populated the sea with his monster.
This is amazing.
Galabras will once again start casting
Summon Monster 1.
This has to be
your last one, right? It is.
Amazing. Squid,
Dalton the squid, Gary
the celestial dolphin, and Felicia
the celestial dolphin. Who knows
what could be next?
Could it be Lork's death?
Lork, you're up. Lork, I
misspoke. You're still locked in
that grapple. Right. You can hold it.
Because it's not until his round that he can release it.
I got excited by the moment, but like, right
now there's a squid grappling
a crocodile grappling a half-orc.
I'm going to go back to the first die that made me
fall in the water. Why not just hold until his turn?
Until whose turn?
The crocodile's. He'll release you. Because it's unrealistic. He's not going to know that. He's going to continue to fight against the water. Why not just hold until his turn? Until whose turn? The crocodile's. He'll release you. Because it's
unrealistic. He's not going to know that. He's going to continue to
fight against the thing.
But he's bigger now.
He's doubled in size, so he's going to
pull himself
out of there. Oh, there we go. Maybe.
Maybe. So it's
a 19
against its CMD. Looks like
Lork just broke the grip.
Must have been a little help from the squid.
Giant Lork.
I'll get by with a little help
from a squid.
Giant Lork breaks free.
Right.
And now swim check.
Shut your liver.
Plus two to strike.
I could just wait.
How deep is the water?
How deep is the water?
I have to get to the...
It's more about it being rough water,
so it's a DC 15 swim check to just...
You broke free, but now you've got to like...
But it goes swim to the surface.
So plus two to your swim.
Yeah, plus two to your swim.
Natural 18.
There you go.
24.
So you've took two death rolls.
You finally break free With the help of
Dalton the celestial squid
Twice the size I was
And then
You get air
And you reset
Nice
Nice
And I grab the netting
Because he held his action
For me
Yeah
Right
So Barry
I start reeling him in
You start reeling him in
But I'm eight times my weight
Just being
Trying to be fair
Right so you get a roll
Strength check Can I You already said earlier I could roll my Fisherman check against it You start reeling him in. But I'm eight times my weight, just trying to be fair. Right, so you've got to roll a strength check.
You already said earlier I could roll my fisherman check against it as opposed to strength.
Yeah, imagine he's just a freshwater shark.
But you're hauling in.
25.
You pull Lork all the way up to Gormley's head.
Holy shit.
Oh my god, he's just like...
Urog rolls a natural 20, climbs up on deck.
Yeah!
And now the crocodiles are basically on Lork's next turn.
He climbs up on deck, and the crocodiles are left to deal with
a celestial squid, two celestial dolphins, and...
Another celestial dolphin.
What are they called? A menagerie? two celestial dolphins, and... Another celestial dolphin. It's a whole...
What do they call it?
A menagerie?
A pod.
A pod, a pod.
That's it.
And they just snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap,
and eventually kill the dolphins.
Yeah.
I'm glad we didn't play all those roles out.
Yeah.
That would have been the worst part of the podcast.
Sorry, Gary, Dalton, and Felicia.
Wait, what was the name of your third one?
I don't have to say because he didn't show up.
That's kind of bullshit.
He or she.
Colin.
Just wait.
All right, nice job.
Holy shit.
That could have been really bad.
That was the first morning.
You just thought it would be a nice. Baron was all first morning. You just thought
it would be a nice,
Baron was all excited
to have a couple beers
and fish.
Nope.
Leslie,
nope.
You just fucking
fall into the water.
Almost,
you get death rolled.
Lork,
you're up here
soaking wet.
Urag is laying on his back
like,
and I imagine Lork
you're not feeling great either
and
Ben Vereen is coming up to you
and just
just kind of peeing on your leg
he's gotta be
he had to be freaking out
he's very untrained
the entire time
he almost couldn't do anything
like if you were
closer to the shore
Ben Vereen probably would have
jumped off and just ran
off into the woods
right
but he
the Wolverine knew
he had nowhere else to go
even with his tiny intelligence that it couldn't jump into the water and Right. But the wolverine knew, even with its tiny intelligence,
that it couldn't jump into the water and swim away.
It is smarter than most animals.
It's got a two intelligence.
Smarter than the average animal.
You've got to give credit to these fucking animals, man.
The fucking badasses.
So Lork starts to explain, like, it was crazy.
I saw a squid that came to help me and a dolphin.
Oh, wait a minute.
Calabrus, was that you?
I'll never tell.
No, yes, it was me.
Don't be coy.
It was me.
You recognize Gary, surely?
Yes, he's got that scar.
He'd be terribly hurt if you didn't know it was him.
So, yeah, what are you guys doing? What happens
now? Oh god.
I'm going to investigate this railing.
Yeah.
Alright, do you have like a craft carpentry
or ships? I have engineering.
Knowledge engineering? Yeah.
I call Baron over and say,
you're a crafty salt.
You and your dwarfen folk.
Take a look at this
This seems very suspicious
I roll a
A 21 on knowledge engineering
With a DC
20
Knowledge engineering check
You realize that this broken rail
Didn't just happen because there was
A couple new guys
Working the fisher
Fisherman's nets
There's fucking sabotage on this boat because there was a couple new guys working the fishermen's nets.
There's fucking sabotage on this boat.
Motherfucker.
No.
No.
Who did it?
Maybe we'll find out next week.
We're already there?
Yeah.
Jesus.
Fuck you. Well, we called it,
so I think we should all get a bottle cap.
Everybody.
Everyone.
I don't want this bottle cap. You know I think we should all get a bottle cap. Everybody. Everyone. You know what?
I will give out one bottle cap to Gary of the Celestial.
Gary, you can hold me to that, Gary.
I'm Gary. Outro Music