The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 53 - Doom and Bloom
Episode Date: May 31, 2016Our heroes work their way ever deeper into the Vault of Thorns. As their search for a cache of druidic items continues, they find that the long lost masters of this place have a few surprises left in ...store. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, the heroes regroup.
Got a new character that almost died. That was kind of exciting.
Did you have a third character prepared?
No.
No.
And seek to unravel a great mystery.
Now, I think I've given you enough episodes where you haven't been able to name this.
What have you decided to call this bear?
Things get a little weird.
I've been wanding her and myself while you guys have been talking.
Not dirty at all.
Fetchling, fetchling.
A fetching fetchling.
What the hell is happening in this episode?
What are we doing?
And the true horror of the Vault of Thorns is revealed.
It's filled with hummus.
Are there pitas to go with it?
No, there are no pitas.
Is there any wine?
I knew this place was evil.
It truly is evil.
Who puts out humris without Peeda?
The adventure continues with No Peeda now. Hello, friends. Come gather round. Let us sit and listen to another episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast.
What's going on, guys? Joe here to welcome you to episode 53 of the show.
Excited to just get into another week of role-playing and watching Troy slowly decimate us one by one.
I do have actually a lot of work to do in this intro.
This intro is packed with content.
So let me get to it quickly and I will get you guys into the episode as soon as I can.
First, I want to talk about our YouTube channel.
So Glass Cannon
Podcast now has a new YouTube channel and we really need the subscriber numbers. So we'd love
for you guys to go check it out at Glass Cannon Podcast on the old YouTube and hit us up with a
subscribe. It'll be great to get us started. We are going to have old episodes of the GCP up on
there with a little tweaked with some images maybe. And then we are going to also
be publishing the Twitch that Troy is running of Dark Souls 3. I join him on a lot of those,
and you can find those on the YouTube channel as well. Speaking of the Twitch, if you don't have
Twitch, you don't sign up for it, get signed up and follow us on the Glass Cannon podcast on Twitch,
because these episodes of Troy and I doing Dark Souls 3,
they're just a way for you to interact with us, get a little bit more of your GCP content.
We get a chance to answer your questions sometimes live while we're playing. And in general,
you get to see how awful Troy is at Dark Souls 3. So it's really, really worth your time.
Hey, how about that t-shirt contest? Remember three weeks ago,
we, as a celebration for our 50th episode, we wanted to give away some free t-shirts to
listeners. So we asked you a series of tough questions and the responses were fantastic.
We got so many. It was really humbling. You guys are awesome. So many people that paid so close
attention to the show and people that went back and listened through to find the right answers. Those questions were pretty tough. And in some cases, we realized after
the fact, a little bit vague, but we do have some winners. The contest is over. I want to
congratulate Zach Bywater, Chris Sterner, and Nicholas Pond for your slate of correct answers
in a timely fashion that got you free t-shirts from the GCP. So they are
coming in the mail. Next order of business, the bear. Now the bear has been, you know,
I'm terrible with names and I have no creative ability whatsoever. And the bear has been
nameless for far too long. And we reached out to the fans and we got a lot of great suggestions.
And I will tell you, spoiler alert,
the bear gets named in this episode.
But first, I wanted to talk about a couple names
that make it to the honorable mentions list.
These are unfortunately not the names of Lork's bear,
but they were great options.
And I just want to give a shout out to the listeners
that threw them out there.
First, I want to shout out to Matt Cook for his Tyler Berry suggestion. I love that one.
Patrick Jones for his pictures of Jola. He wanted us to name the bear Jola. Well,
that's not funny. What's the point of that? No, he sent us along a series of amazing pictures
of his dog who's named Jola that people often confuse for being a bear cub.
The dog was absolutely adorable and actually did look like a bear cub. It was kind of disturbing.
AJ Beebe, longtime fan of the show, tweets in and says, hey, how about we call him 20?
It would give Joe a chance to say a high number. Oh, burn, burn on me. But that was a good one.
I want to shout out to my buddy Grant Berger,
the player behind Baron Redheart.
He had a great idea early on.
He said, Joe, why don't you go with Marion Barry?
That was solid as well.
And finally, our last honorable mention,
and this was the runner up for the name of the bear,
which will be revealed this week, Eddie Mason.
You were so close with the big LeBerski.
Now that I got to say was, it's a personal thing. I am a huge Lebowski fan. I'm a huge cultist of
that movie. And I just loved the idea of a bear that I could just call the dude who just had no
interest in this aggression, man. This aggression will not stand.
Thanks for giving me endless ideas for great jokes with that one, Eddie Mason.
But sorry, that was not the name of the bear.
What was it?
Well, keep listening and you're going to find out.
And lastly, and this is on a more serious note,
we wanted to let our fan Matt Ireland know that he's in our thoughts.
He's been going through a rough time.
And honestly,
we just hope that episode 53 of the GCP can give you a much needed laugh,
Matt.
All right.
This one's for you,
buddy.
Thanks so much for listening.
And we,
we know there's,
there's light at the end of the tunnel.
All right.
That brings us to episode 53 of the glass cannon podcast.
Let's get going.
Moss moon, moss moon, moss moon. We. Let's get going. Moss moon.
Moss moon.
Moss moon.
We caught Troy's warm up.
I'm on the air right now?
I don't believe you.
I don't believe you.
Lanolin?
No, not you, her.
What's your name?
Scotchy Scotch Scot, down into my belly.
The human torch was denied a Bangalore.
That's how we warm up every episode.
Every episode.
Well, I think we should just keep this.
I think that's the opening of the show.
Gold, gold, gold, gold.
This is the perfect day to play Pathfinder, I think.
It's like a rainy Saturday.
Yeah.
I just want a fucking game.
How's everybody doing? Everybody's got full health, right? Fuck you, Troy. I think it's like a rainy Saturday. Yeah. I just want to fucking game. Um,
how's everybody doing?
Everybody's got full health,
right?
Fuck you,
Troy.
No,
no.
Um,
yeah.
So here we are in the,
uh,
in the greenhouse.
I guess we're starting this thing.
Um,
got a new character that almost died.
Yeah.
Thanks for that.
Her,
uh,
second episode?
Or first?
That was her first real episode.
First episode.
Coming of age story.
Her first combat, we can say.
Her first combat.
That was kind of exciting.
Did you have a third character prepared?
No.
No.
In fact, I did not.
Well, just use all the exact same stats and equipment
And everything and just give it a new name
That was what I was planning on doing
Like Mela
Or Bormley
This is a witch called Bormley
I'm pretty interested to see how many
Alternate characters are buried in the trees
In this room
Because we're just going to keep on coming back to this room
Let's go back to this room.
Let's go back to the new character room.
And we also have the bear.
Now, I think I've given you enough episodes where you haven't been able to name this.
We've got a lot of great suggestions.
I'm putting you on the spot.
What have you decided to call this bear?
Because I'm tired of calling it bear.
We're going to call it. We're decided to call this bear because i'm tired of calling it bear we're gonna call it we're gonna call it barry connick jr
oh that is fantastic and i'm just gonna let skid run with the krrooner staff. Oh, that is fantastic.
So now we have Lork,
Galabris, Baron,
Della, and Barry Connick Jr.
How do you spell that?
B-E-A-R-Y.
Barry Connick Jr.
K-O-C-O.
It's not B-E-A-R
space E period Connick Jr.
It's just Barry with a Y?
Yeah, yeah.
It's just Barry.
He's a Barry kind of creature.
Ladies and gentlemen, Barry Connick Jr.
True story, the singer Harry Connick Jr.
also possesses the diehard feet.
That's all people from New Orleans. Wait, I have a question. The noob in the room has a also possesses the diehard feet.
That's all people from New Orleans. Wait, I have a question.
The noob in the room has a question.
Go ahead, noob.
Are all the animals in the Pathfinder universe named after famous entertainers?
I think so.
We'll find out when this bear dies in three episodes.
Yeah, all the companion animals, I think.
Oh, they just...
Because they're all linked by his deity. So, I mean, it's probably some kind of divine... animals, I think. Oh, they just... Because they're all linked by his deity.
So, I mean, it's probably some kind of divine...
Oh, I see.
You know, sign from God or something.
Right.
His God, yeah, he has a way.
Sign from Gorim?
Yeah.
Sign from Gorim.
He likes naming his creatures after entertainers.
Lork worships Gorim and Skid worships, doesn't he?
I do.
Galavris does as well.
Baron, you mentioned recently
Torag. You brought out that
holy symbol. By the benevolent hammer of Torag.
Last episode.
Della, does Della have any faith?
Della is an atheist.
Oh.
That is a bold choice in a world
in which gods demonstrably
exist.
Well, see...
I think that's good.
No, it's perfect.
Bold choice.
Here is how I actually reasoned it to myself.
Yes, fair enough.
But in a world where all the gods have influence,
Della and her father worshipped none so are you
a true neutral character because i was reading about where true neutral characters go when they
die in this world and they go to like basically a blank white room with nothing happening like
it's it's crazy it's really interesting what what is do you have an alignment you chaotic neutral
are you is lork also chaotic neutral?
Yes. I'm the only good character,
right? Yes. I think I'm chaotic good.
Or maybe I'm neutral.
I don't remember. Look at your sheet. It's on there.
Oh, thanks.
Alignment is something I don't think we pay enough
attention to, and it's pretty important.
Playing to your alignment.
Obviously, none of you are evil, so you're
not outright just murdering civilians.
But there's a big difference between good and neutral.
And so what is Baron?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I totally lied.
You are sorry.
I worship Drangvit.
Wait, really?
What?
God is God wrong.
Can't believe it.
Wait, do you really?
Yeah, I do.
No, but in the last episode,
you said you brought out a holy symbol of Torek. i may have said drongfit i don't think i look you
definitely said torak just listen to it you said i'm sorry it's now uh part of the canon yeah it's
canon yep that or you have to get stricken down by one of them now i would imagine if torak uh
fails you then you can go through through a religious change to Drongvit.
If you so choose.
But in the eyes of the listeners and your companions
and that lurker in light.
It's been Drongvit on my sheet since the beginning.
I've never even heard of Drongvit.
That's because he's a dwarven deity,
the goddess of debt, pursuit, and vengeance,
of which I am on the high trails.
The goddess of debt? That sounds like something
I should worship. Well, maybe she's like
your patron saint.
And Drongvit
is Torag's half-sister. I think that's
why I got confused. Well, that's
an easy mistake.
I've had a dollar for every time I made that one.
There's only 85 gods in this game
My sister's name is Jesus
And it screws up everything
I get so confused
It's on a roll
Alright so you guys
I guess we should
We could just joke the whole episode
You guys are in this greenhouse
There are It's difficult terrain all over the place You've got big trees whole episode. You guys are in this greenhouse.
It's difficult to rain all over the place.
You've got big trees. You've got little trees.
You've got animals lurking about.
One of which has now joined the party, Barry Connick Jr.
You found a new
companion, Della,
who is a 17-year-old
felcher? What is it?
Fetchling?
Come on. I can't remember. who is a 17-year-old felcher. What is it? Fetchling?
Come on.
I can't remember.
Oh, God.
Felchling?
Fetchling.
Fetchling.
That's what it is.
A very fetching felch.
That's really hard to say.
Oh, God.
I'm not doing this on purpose.
Fetchling.
Fetchling.
A fetching fetchling.
Fetching fetchling.
A very fetching fetchling.
What is a fetchling? I've never heard of a fetchling fetching fetchling uh a very fetching fetchling what is it what is a fetchling i've
never heard of a fetchling they're a they are basically half human half creature from the
shadow plane okay so they are and do they just look like humans they're humanoid they look like
they like they don't they're not very they're very pale they were like translucent they don't
have a lot of color to them because there's the shadow plane is kind of like devoid of so they
kind of translucent you can kind of see through them well i mean her skin shadow plane is kind of like devoid of... So are they kind of translucent?
You can kind of see through them?
Well, I mean, her skin would be just kind of like...
It's opaque, but it's
like not colored.
It's like you can see her veins and shit.
I put Joe on the spot.
I'm going to put you on the spot too.
Have you cast Della yet?
I have not.
I'm going to give you to the end of the episode.
Hold on. I'm mourning. I'm in mourning. Della's. I have not. I'm going to give you to the end of the episode. Hold on. I'm
mourning. I'm in mourning.
Della's not in mourning. If anything,
Della's very excited. She's found some new friends.
But she doesn't know who actresses are.
That's true. She doesn't know anything.
She's been stuck in this plane for how long?
A timeless plane for who knows how long.
But she hasn't aged a day.
The sun never sets here and she's
still that pale. What are we talking about here?
You'd have a sweet tan at this point.
That's true.
But she was under the boughs of the trees.
She was in a tree.
Literally in a tree.
In a tree.
Maybe she has like a tan line where she's just like a little more opaque,
but it's like from where the tree was, where she was in the tree and out of the tree.
Well, you've got about 52 minutes to cast her.
You're such a nice person.
Think about it.
You know, it's tough too because I don't think you've,
well, I know you haven't had a chance to really properly mourn Gormley,
haven't had a chance to properly mourn Ben Vereen,
and you also haven't had a chance to, like,
properly get to know this companion who is now with you.
But what's going to happen if you guys survive the vault?
Is she going to stay with the party?
And there's really no time to deal with this
until you finish your mission in the vault.
But for the time being, she seems to be with you guys, although not super helpful.
She almost did take care of the Lurker in Light in one hit.
That's true.
That is very true.
And she almost got devoured by a Tendriculus.
So did Galabras.
That's true.
And she was stabbing it from inside too.
Yeah, that's true.
I was swinging.
Question for you.
Is it still the same day that Gormley and Benverine died?
No.
No.
Well, no.
Yeah, we rested.
Yes, you guys rested, but like the days are...
Right.
Eternal days.
The other thing is like you guys don't know
when you come out of the vault how much time has passed.
Yeah.
Right.
That's a good point.
It could be years.
You could have gone back in time and Roderick is still alive.
I'm going to go back in time.
Back to the tug of war.
All right.
We've stalled.
If I knew then what I know now.
We've stalled long enough.
You guys are in this greenhouse.
Lork just dealt the killing blow to the Tendriculus.
Love that name.
Lork just dealt the killing blow to the Tendriculus.
Love that name.
And then I believe you crit to slice it open,
and Galabras and Gormley just came out of it.
Galabras was paralyzed.
He finally came to channeled.
But I think, I know Della is pretty messed up,
was one round away from permadeath.
Yeah, I'm awake now, but I'm pretty messed up.
So what do you guys want to do?
Is there an exit to this room?
Not that you can see. Well, the way we came in.
Yeah, the way you came in is the only thing you know.
Is there another the large tree in the back of the room that the
Tendriculus was next to? Is that like another
hollow tree like the one that we came out of?
Is it a similar size? Roll a perception
check.
Natural 20. Natural 20.
Natural 19.
28. 25.
9.
Della got the natural 20.
But both Baron and Lork
would also notice that
sure enough, the giant hollow
tree on the opposite side of the room
is also
some branches and brambles
in front of it. It's concealing a staircase
leading into the tree.
Can I do a perception
check just around the remains of the
Tendriculus to see if it ate any other
awesome adventurers that had
magic weapons? It ate a bunch of magic weapons
in gold.
Find 40 platinum pieces.
What about the fishing lure?
Yeah, where is that?
I want to find that.
I want to find my bowl.
There's so much stuff
all over the place
you don't see anything.
You would assume
that...
There's so much stuff
all over the place
you don't see anything.
Sorry.
You realize that didn't really...
Well, what I mean is...
What I mean is like...
Listen to yourself.
You basically threw a penny
into a forest.
You know what I mean?
You're not going to find your lure. I mean, it's not like a metaphor. Maybe the Tendriculus grabbed it. Maybe it was Barry Manilow threw a penny into a forest. You know what I mean? You're not going to find your lore.
Maybe the Tendriculus grabbed it.
Maybe it was Barry Manilow. Not Barry Manilow.
That was the runner-up.
Barry Connick Jr.
It was Mary and Barry.
That's a lot of
good ones. I think my bear
cub grabbed the lore from the
top of the tree, snapped the line,
took the rod.
You really are just ridiculous.
I'm 10.
Draculas.
Can I,
can I,
I'll give you to the end of the episode to tell me where that fucking
lore is.
All right.
Roll a 100 on a perception check.
And I'll let you find that needle in the haystack.
It is this greenhouse.
Can I do some sort of alchemy check to learn any nature of this weird creature
to see if there's any poison or anything like that in there?
So you can extract it like Spider-Man?
I see where this is going.
No, I'm not going to try to extract necessarily.
I'm trying to learn more about our enemy.
Sure.
It's more going to be knowledge nature, not quite alchemy.
Okay, so I'll use my fisherman profession skill too.
I'll do a knowledge nature.
I can do that.
I can do that.
14.
Yeah, you don't know anything.
But, I mean, these guys went through it,
so you understand that it just has this acidic insides
that were enough to not only burn your body,
but possibly paralyze you.
Like any other living creature.
Yep.
If it was big enough.
And we get a sense that we definitely know that fire
stopped it from healing as characters,
or do we just know that because you told us as Dungeon Masters?
Well, we could kind of see that its wounds stopped healing up
after it got hit by a fire.
Right, I mean, it was regenerating every six seconds,
and it was fire that stopped it.
And we can figure
that anything
here, plant-based,
is going to be vulnerable to fire.
We can assume that anyway.
And I'm running low on fire bullets.
Alright, so
did you cast her yet?
No.
I really do want to hear
from the fans on this one Troy
We've already had so many great suggestions
It's true
You can't use Saoirse Ronan
She is the only
She is the only actress of that age
That exists
Well bear in mind too
That it doesn't have to be
An actress who is currently 17 years old
You can pick any actress in history
Like young Natalie Portman
From the professional Natalie Portman
It should be a red-headed girl
Who got cast in Taxi
Really young Jodie Foster
Yeah, there we go
It's actually not bad
I'll take it under advisement
A young Jodie Foster
We didn't open up the pool to that kind of world
She does sort of seem like a half-shadow beast I don't know if she should be Jodie Foster Yeah I never I didn't We didn't open up the pool To that kind of world So now my mind is blown
She does sort of seem
Like a half shadow beast
Sort of
I don't know if you should be
Jodie Foster
Yeah because then
Someone will shoot Obama
To try and impress you
Right like Barron
Would shoot like
A president
To try to impress her
Yeah
After reading
Catcher in the Rye
Or is that
That was Mark David Chapman
That's Mark David Chapman
What the hell is happening
In this episode
What are we doing
What are we doing?
We're just in such a strange room.
I want to walk around and check every single tree in this room.
Okay, you find a fishing lure.
Immediately find a fishing lure.
Barron, I found the lure.
My God, thank you so much.
So you're just looking around the room.
I mean, there is...
Della's going to appeal.
Can I appeal for a little more healing by any chance?
Oh, yeah.
I will do a cure light on you.
Can we ask a Wicca for healing?
Oh, yeah.
Wicca does not have healing.
Nine.
Awesome.
And I'm going to...
Della has a potion that I'm also going to drink.
Lork, you're looking around, and
you know, you've been around enough to know
that this plant life
you see, it's a wide
variety, but not only is it a wide variety,
it looks like it's come from
all over the place. You see
bamboo, that it looks like it's from
Tianzha.
Teak trees from Vudra.
Vines from the Moangi Expanse.
And then stranger, unrecognizable plant life that you've never seen but you know would not be, would not come from the Ghostlight Marsh area.
So there's stuff from all over.
So then it makes sense that like maybe if Della got here from some experimentation with planes,
that maybe this plant life was also coming from...
Some kind of botanical nexus.
Yes.
By the way, it's 13 points.
I forgot about the empowered healing spells.
Oh, would that affect the potion as well, or no?
I think it's just spells of the healing subtitle.
This is the worst greenhouse I've ever been to, by the way.
They're usually not this dangerous.
Yeah.
I think you could make an argument that potions are boosted, too.
Aren't they liquid spells?
Yeah, go ahead.
Boost your potion.
It makes sense.
It's only plus 50%.
Right, right, yeah.
Plus 50% of the cast rule?
Of what you rolled.
Oh, right.
Of what you rolled.
Yeah, that makes sense.
The spell is stored in that potion. Yeah, and it's a spell of the healing subtype. Yeah, that makes sense. The spell is stored in that potion.
Yeah, and it's the spell of the healing subtype.
And you'll need it.
Oh, I have the wand, too.
If you hit me, like, twice, I should be good.
Hit me with your best wand.
Okay, so I'll examine this stairwell.
Is it going down?
It is going up into the tree.
It's almost identical to the one that you came into on the other side of the room.
All right, so we came down.
We have come across this garden, and now we're going up.
Now, from a directional perspective, I mean, which way are we headed now?
This is on the south side of the room.
So are you going into the tree to look?
Well, I'm just thinking, you know, just place me again.
I know we're under the bridge we originally crossed, right?
Right.
Are we moving across it perpendicularly?
Well, so when you entered the floral bloom, when you first came in, you were going east, okay?
And then the bridge was going west to east.
So you kept walking east, east, east.
Now, underneath you, this big tree is south,
and the tree that you came in is the north side.
All right, so yeah, we're moving perpendicularly.
Okay.
Yeah, perpendicular.
So now we're heading north.
No, now you'd be heading south.
We're heading south.
Okay.
Great, then yeah, I'll check out the stairs.
I'd like to poke my head in and.
Poke your head in, and you see a set of double doors
identical to the ones on the other side of the room
within the hollow tree.
All right, let me know when you're ready,
and we'll move forward through these doors.
Della, are you feeling better?
Feeling much better.
I've been wanding her and myself
while you guys have been talking.
Not dirty at all.
Nope.
Sheepish.
Felch.
All right, fall in behind me.
Alright.
Della, stay close.
And I will
open the door.
Or at least attempt to.
Okay, Lork opens
the door.
Roll a will save.
No.
Okay, you see a corridor that looks
like it's wrapping around to the right of the room. Pretty thin. Five feet wide.
You can see it's starting to widen off to your right, but still not
a very wide corridor.
But at the moment, we're inside a hollow tree? Right. At the moment, you're still inside a hollow tree.
Can I do a quick perception check for elves sure oh they're the keebler subtype yeah archetype yeah probably
not yeah you don't you don't see any other nine uh numerous flowers cling to the myriad vines and
creepers growing over every inch of this curving corridor. Right when you open the doors,
you're just smacked in the face
with a powerful bouquet of floral fragrances
and all just earthy, like a freshly mowed lawn.
You're physically hit in the face with a bouquet.
Right.
You're going to be the next bride.
And it goes to Lark!
Oh, Lark!
It's who dies next.
Who caught the garter.
Yeah, so the entire corridor, as far as you can tell,
obviously you haven't walked in and started walking around,
is just creeping with vines and weird flowers.
All sorts of shit.
But you can walk through.
It's not difficult terrain.
It's just like a living corridor and it's it's is it
pretty or is it does it look like foreboding it smells pretty but it's like that that smell where
it's too much flowers do you know what i mean like there's too many walk into macy's like
competing fragrances yeah yeah this episode brought to you by the macy's smell
uh all right i will incline just son This episode brought to you by the Macy's smell. All right. Calvin Klein,
just sign.
Just sign by Calvin Klein.
He already has an ale.
Yeah.
Thanks to Baron.
It's all about branding.
All right.
Lork will take Barry Connick Jr.
and start making his way into the the along this corridor uh and i want to do a perception on the
on the ground for any sort of like uh uh bear iconic junior traps okay okay i don't know what
that means but bear traps well you know like uh like literal bear traps like well things that are
like uh we used to call them bear traps when we were a
kid like um like leaves over top of a hole kind of thing you know oh yeah we fall there are a lot
of bears in the suburban philadelphia you'd be surprised man we're in the we're near the
pocanoes aren't they called they're tiger traps aren't they is they? Bear traps are like those seal traps.
Yeah, I know.
Cheesesteak traps.
That's what we called them.
All right.
Basically, I'm just looking to make sure they're shore footing.
All right, so show me how far you're walking to the room.
Only go up to your speed if you want to go half speed or whatever you want.
Okay.
I'll follow behind you.
Okay, so you can only fit, like, three of you in there.
So it's going to be Lork, followed by, I got to get used to saying this,
Barry Connick Jr. and Della.
And then Iwiga, Baron, and Galabro are still outside of the room in the hollow tree.
That is someone vacuuming upstairs.
That's really fucking awesome.
It's a real professional studio.
Yeah, we're really killing it today.
All right, so perception?
Yeah, roll your perception.
15.
You don't see any traps, per se,
but it's just earth, it's a dirt
You don't see any leaves like
Is there a ceiling on this?
It's the vines are making the ceiling
similar to the first room that you walked in
Can we see sunlight coming in?
That perpetual sunlight is still
making its way through
It's almost beautiful, but eerily
hauntingly beautiful, this room.
And the flowers are very strange in this room.
They're like crimson-violet flowers with little things on the petals that are very strange.
Oh, they're going to spray stuff at us.
Yeah.
Can I do a survival check on the flowers?
Sure.
Thirteen.
Thirteen. Thirteen. You look at the flowers
and it
looks like the petals themselves
have tiny
faces on them. Oh, weird!
And Lork,
Barry Connick Jr., and Della
need to roll a
fortitude save. Oh, god.
Excuse me, a will save. Oh, God. Excuse me, a will save.
Oh, God.
22 for Della.
14 for Lork.
And a 12 for Barry.
You guys enter the room.
Lork's looking at the ground.
Della's checking out the flowers.
Right as you notice those tiny faces,
Barry Connick Jr. falls asleep.
And one of these creepy vine flowers
just emitted like this pollen.
And Barry Connick Jr. falls asleep.
Roll for initiative
Poppies
I just picture him like curling up
Like with this little smile
He doesn't know he's about to be in a lot of trouble
One million YouTube views later
Adorable bear falls asleep with flowers
That was good
Alright That would go viral instantly falls asleep with flowers. That was good.
All right.
That would go viral instantly.
Yeah.
Okay, what did everybody get?
Anybody over 20?
25.
Of course, Baron.
Crushing it.
I can't get in the room.
Any 19s, 18s, 17s?
15?
Eight for Lork Eight for Della as well
Okay, I'm assuming
Della has the higher initiative bonus
And Galabras?
11
11 for Galabras
Okay, Baron, you can see into the room
You see Barry Connick Jr. go unconscious
But I can't see the flower thing that came out?
No, it's basically, I put it on the map in front of Lor
because it's only a five-foot state,
but that flower is right next to Barry Connick Jr.,
and it's slowly moving towards him.
And you just see Barry Connick Jr. fall asleep.
For, by the way, three minutes.
I'm going to let the room know.
I'm not going to take any action.
I'm going to hold my action until I see what happens,
but I'm just going to let everyone know,
because you might not have seen it, that he's asleep.
Y'all, Barry's asleep.
Watch out.
The flower comes off, like the viney flowery mess,
goes on to Barry Connick Jr.'s space,
and it looks like it's starting to devour him.
Roll a fortitude save for Barry Connick Jr.
19.
Okay.
Nothing.
It doesn't do any damage to it.
So wait, wait.
I'm just having a hard time picturing it.
So it's a flower.
So it's like a flowery vine.
It doesn't look like it can move very fast,
but it's on the wall, and it just kind of came off the wall
and occupied the same space.
So there's like multiple vines that are kind of going around,
just moving around, and you can see the flower,
the head of the flower
look like it was munching on him.
But it didn't do any damage. Roll a
will save to see if
he wakes up.
Five.
Nope, he remains asleep.
Lork and Della, roll
another will save. Oh, jeez.
Another will save for Lork. Twenty. Another will save for Lork.
20.
20 for Delatu.
Okay.
More pollen enters the room,
and there are flowers on the wall next to both of you.
But you saved on whatever this sleep-inducing pollen was.
And now it is Galabras' turn.
I am going, I'm going to step up and give Della a bit of luck.
Thanks.
Okay.
And now it is Della's turn.
Della, you see the flower occupied the same space as Berry Conic Jr.,
and there's one on the wall next to you that looks like it's coming at you.
It just spat pollen at you.
Can I do a survival check or a knowledge arcana
to see if I know anything about it?
You can do a knowledge nature.
I don't have knowledge nature.
You can't do shit.
All right.
I'm going to spend a point out of my arcane pool
to make my scimitar flaming.
Oh, yeah!
Flaming scimitar!
And then I'm going to attack the vine next to me.
Okay.
Natural 20.
Whoa!
This chick's got skills!
So I roll twice to confirm, right?
Yes, you do.
16 to confirm?
Oh, because of a bit of luck 16 confirms
You just crit this thing
Nice
Slashing, right?
Yep
Fingertipped
Normal damage and 1 dex damage
Target cannot use 1 hand until healed
Okay
Roll the damage You know know you slashed into it
so it'll take its dexterity damage okay like is that relevant yeah so I go what
you can do is like if it's completely irrelevant you can just give a max
damage you know what I mean like in those cases when the effect is irrelevant
I mean it has pretty high deck so that so that's going to help. Okay. So that's max damage.
Whoa.
So that's nine points of regular damage and six points of fire damage.
Whatever this thing was, you just killed it.
Nice.
The little faces.
I want them to scream, but they don't scream.
I have no math, and I must scream.
Can Baron shoot at the vines that are on Barry Connick Jr. right now?
Or would it be like shooting right into him?
Yeah, I mean, just realistically.
You probably can in the mechanics of the game,
but I don't think you would do that.
Okay, and there's nothing else I can see.
I just don't want to waste my whole turn this round.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, that's all you see.
You see them stealing themselves against something,
and Barry Connick Jr. fell asleep,
and now it's Lork's turn.
Can I use my falchion to swat away the vines from Barry?
Yeah, absolutely.
So I can attack the creature, basically.
Yeah, does it take a minus
if you're attacking a grappled creature?
I never freaking remember this.
I've never seen any rules that say that you take a minus to attack a grappled creature.
Okay.
So it's up to you.
If not, I can attack the other one, but I think you would try to protect.
That is Lorik's nature, so yeah, until we know the real answer, let's bang it out.
Okay.
I am not gonna do a
power attack
just gonna swing
screed spalch
miss
well
13
hit
oh
yeah
okay
yeah
alright
always ask
you never know
you never know
um
11 points of damage
and you kill the one
on top
oh alright
excellent
that was just going to attempt to do whatever it was trying to do to Barry Connick Jr. 11 points of damage. And you kill the one on top. Oh, all right. Excellent.
That was just going to attempt to do whatever it was trying to do to Barry Connick Jr.
You kill it.
There's still one on the wall next to you.
Baron.
I can shoot at that guy.
Yeah, you'll take a minus four
because you're shooting into melee
and you are 10 feet away.
But yeah, you could totally shoot it on the wall.
And you can also enter the room.
I mean, you can walk past your allies.
You can move through your allies.
I'm good.
This would be good for up close and deadly
because they don't have many hit points,
and you'd probably reduce them below zero
and get your good point back.
Okay.
I guess I'll try.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
It's Barry Connick's turn.
Does he get any save or anything right now?
No, but then it goes to round two, and now it's Barry Connick's turn. Does he get any save or anything right now? No.
But then it goes to round two, and now it's Barry's turn.
Oh!
28 to hit.
Oh, that hit.
Yeah.
Bullet whizzes past Lork's head,
hits this thing right in the middle of it.
Ten points of damage.
And you destroy the third floor. Nice.
Huh.
So strange.
Sure enough, another one appears.
We're not done yet.
We got to get out of this room fast.
Lork has to roll a fortitude save.
Fortitude or will?
I'm sorry, will.
I keep screwing up.
Will save.
Seven. L save. Seven.
Lork falls asleep.
Did a Wicca go, by the way?
No, she's outside the room, doesn't know what's going on.
I had a feeling.
It's like, we've got to get through here fast.
Lork is asleep for three minutes.
Oh, my God.
As of right now.
And the hallway is pretty blocked right there.
And there are more in the room.
Shit.
And you can see them just kind of inching their way forward.
They move very slow, but they're on the wall,
just these creepy little faces on them.
I'll put the picture up on the Tumblr.
It has, in the bestiary they have
it wrapped around a tombstone but just look at those things oh weird they got
like little they look like oh well the painting the scream yeah that face on
the little flower petals the flowers kind of look like poinsettias as well
yeah they do yeah they're beautiful which is actually poisonous and
traditionally a druidic flower In actual druidic
Look at Paizo thinking about these things
That's smart
Okay
And those things are just
All they do is inch closer
To Lork
And now it is Galabras' turn
Galabras you saw, Barry Connick Jr. fell asleep
Now you see Lork, boom hit the ground. What is going on
in this room? Can I move
through?
Oh my god,
that's horrifying. That is creepy.
What the fuck was that?
The flowers are making sounds.
Do I
have room to move through so I can get into melee
with one of these things? Yeah, you can
move through ally spaces. Yeah, so it's going these things? Yeah, you can move through ally spaces. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so it's going to be
tight, but you can get through there.
I want to get into melee with one of them
and
swing the hammer of Usgroth.
Okay.
Twelve.
Twelve hits. Nice.
Okay, so this is the, you were attacking the one that put Lork to sleep?
Yep, and eight, eight points of damage.
Eight points of damage, and you kill it.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, they're not super powerful.
They just have a horrible thing.
Right when Galabros walks into the room,
he hacks at it, and then,
they both shoot pollen at Galabros.
Galabros roll two will saves.
18.
And 15.
18 and 15.
You're all right.
Yes!
We gotta get up.
We gotta get up.
Go.
Okay, it is Della's turn.
So it would be, can I spend a standard action to rouse Lork? We got to get up. We got to get up. Go. Okay. It is Della's turn.
So it would be,
what is this?
Can I spend a standard action to rouse Lork?
Yes,
you can.
It's a full round action.
Full round action.
So I couldn't do it.
I have to move to him and then rouse him.
You know,
what's tough is you can't occupy the same state space as an ally and sleeping Barry Connick Jr.
All right.
It's right there between you.
So I'm going to,
that,
that flower.
You could wake the bear.
I could wake the bear. I could wake the bear.
You could fire a crossbow bolt at Lork.
That would wake him up.
That would wake him up.
Well, is that the plant that Galabras is in melee with
is dead now, right?
Yes.
There's two remaining.
I think you've killed four at this point.
Yeah.
So there's two remaining that you can see.
I'm going to move forward five squares
to get in melee with the last one
and swing at the next one. That one's dead.
Okay, so you moved all the way to the end of the room. No, that one's
still alive. Oh, that one's still alive. Yeah, there was one
Galabras attack, the one that was next to Lawrence. Okay, then I'll
attack the first one. Alright, so you attack the first one.
Go for it. With your
flaming. It's not. Oh, yeah, it's still flaming.
Plus one flaming scimitar, right? Yep.
18 to hit.
Yeah, that's going to hit.
This'll do it. So it that's going to hit. This will do it.
So that says...
8 points of damage.
8 points of damage.
That's all it takes to kill these things.
Nice.
Not super powerful.
You just don't want it to devour.
Okay.
Lork, unconscious.
Bear.
Bear Iconic Jr.
I've got to write that here.
Unconscious.
So round three. Baron. Do I haveic Jr. I've got to write that here. Unconscious. So round three, Baron.
Do I have a line of sight?
You do not.
Okay, so where I'm standing, I think I can rouse Lork with a full round action.
You absolutely can.
So I reach down to Lork.
I pour a little whiskey on his lips.
I rub it in with my thumb, and I say, rise, Lork. I pour a little whiskey on his lips. I rub it in with my thumb,
and I say,
Rise, Lork, rise.
I thought you were just going to hit him
with the butt of your gun.
Boom, stand up.
Pistol whip.
All right, and Lork wakes up.
Awesome.
But yeah, you're still on the ground.
And now it's Galabras' turn.
There is one flower remaining that you can see.
I step up to the flower and swing it with my hammer.
Seven.
Miss.
And now it is the flower's turn.
Wait, eight!
You killed it!
No.
Okay.
You killed it No
Okay
It uh
Inches forward
Della
Galabras
And the
Newly wakened
Lork
All roll a will save
If he falls right back asleep
That's gonna be serious
Nine
Uh
Natural one
Fuck me
Della
Ten
All three of you
Fall asleep
Jesus Lork goes back to sleep
Della and Galabras pass out
You gotta see this map right now
Four characters asleep
Flaming scimitar
Burning the vegetation
It's laying on top of Galabras
What a ridiculous map
This is four sleep characters.
Oiga's like, what's going on?
I don't remember this.
So much has changed. Turn around, I can't
see. Alright, so
Della asleep. Lork asleep.
Barry Connick Jr. asleep.
Round four. Baron.
The hallway is now clogged.
You have no line of sight
On this thing
It's clocked
And sleeping bodies
That is true
Yeah
It's gonna get cover
Because you're shooting
Around a corner
You can't enter into the room
So it'll get a bonus
To its AC
Why can't he enter
Into the room?
There's no space
He can occupy
I see one
No he can
A prone
It's the same as a dead body So he could like He could sit and You could stand over Right For the purposes of Saying he can't stand I see one. No, he can a prone. It's the same as a dead body, so he could
sit and stand over. Right, for the
purposes of saying he can't stand in the same space, but
there is that one space in the room, so you can back in
there and you do have a clear shot. This is
huge.
28. 28? Let me just check.
Yep.
Seven points of
damage. Not enough.
You guys rolled eight damage a couple times.
It has eight hit points.
Seven damage!
I knew that was going to happen.
Can I also, as a move action,
can I reach into my pocket
for my bandana and cover my mouth?
You cannot because you moved.
No, he took a five foot step.
Nope. He was on the other side because you moved into the room. Okay, got it. No, he took a five-foot step. Nope, he was on the other
side of you, Wigga. Five-foot step.
Oh, diagonally into the room. All right,
you can... So I see this
pollen hit my friends, and they all get knocked
and crunked. That's smart.
Okay, this thing... A bottle cap?
This thing crawls...
Oh, get out of here.
You'll be lucky if I give you a bonus to your wheel safe. Oh, God. This thing crawls. Oh, get out of here. You'll be lucky if I give you a bonus to your will save.
This thing crawls over Galabras.
Galabras, roll a fortitude save.
No, no, no.
11.
Oh, boy.
It starts to eat him alive.
Galabras, you take two points of con damage.
Oh, nice.
Sucking the life out of you.
It's literally sapping the life out of your body.
But where it did do that, you do have a will save to try and wake up from this feeding.
25.
25.
So as you wake up to a vine covered in flowers
just draining your body of life,
Galavris is now awake.
So creepy.
Della's asleep.
Lork's asleep.
Bear's asleep.
Round five.
These are flying through, Baron.
We don't get checks to wake up at the beginning of each round?
Only if it's feeding on you.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
You said earlier that when the vine was on Barry Connick Jr. that I couldn't make a shot.
I'm trying to say it without any smile.
Right.
That I couldn't make a shot at him.
It wouldn't make sense.
Now that it's on Galabras, could I do so?
I just, it's tough.
I'm going to say no.
I think mechanically you can, but it just wouldn't make sense that you would shoot at
a tiny little vine covering
your friend. Okay.
He's a badass gunslinger, though.
That's true. Would Clint Eastwood
be able to do it? Can he shoot to
move the vine off of Glavris?
I mean, I guess you just, technically, you just
take a minus to it, but I think it's
such a clogged corridor.
Maybe I'm stunting you by not
letting you do it. So let's say you take a minus.
I think you can do it.
Minus six to hit.
Minus six to hit?
Yeah.
I'm going to let you do it, but it's going to be complicated.
I don't do enough stuff like that.
18 to hit.
You hit it.
And you kill it.
I like that.
Like a bullet hits and flies off of me.
Yeah.
I need to do more stuff like that rather than just saying no.
Just make it a little more difficult.
Yeah.
Well, and think about how cinematic that would be.
I look down the barrel of my pistol very carefully,
lining it up in my iron sights.
Right.
I slowly inhale, hold it,
know that my friend's life is on the line
and I don't want to hurt him,
pull the trigger,
and knock it off him.
Yeah.
Kills it and blabbers
And yes
The flowers
Skeletal faces
They all wither and die
Weird
Could somebody do just for my own curiosity
A nature check to see what these things are
Yeah yeah I didn't get a chance to I fell asleep
I'm assuming you guys are all awake And the galabras feels very weak all right i want
to do a knowledge niche oh i'm gonna cast the lesser restoration on myself okay and that heals
damage right i always forget the difference between damage and drain that heals damage
okay yeah drain like uh ability drain is something you need.
Higher level spell or something?
I can't remember.
Yeah, I think it's higher level. So is that a continuous effect?
Does it keep ticking?
No, if it had kept feeding, then it would.
But no, it was just a one-time thing.
And was it damage?
Yeah, it was con damage.
Oh, yeah.
Then lesser restoration is fine.
Yeah, there's another thing I can't remember.
It's a lot harder to remove.
Yeah, I got my con back.
Okay.
All right. What's level spell is can't remember. It's a lot harder to remove. Yeah, I got my combat. Okay. All right.
I did a—
What level spell is that?
Second.
Second, so that's tough.
Yeah, I did 18 knowledge nature.
18 knowledge nature.
Okay, that is more than enough.
Well, you notice these things are called Zadabays.
X-T-A-B-A-Y.
Very strange creatures.
They're just small plants, and sure enough, that's what they do.
They put you to sleep and then just sap your con until you die.
Like, they don't do a lot of damage, but, I mean, if you only have 10 con,
it will only take five, six rounds.
You're perma-dead.
Sure.
Where are they from?
Can I do a geography check?
Let me resolve the rest of Lark's thing,
and then I can tell you a little more about that.
The one thing you notice is it seems like they were put here so that,
you know, as protection.
So it would knock any invaders to sleep,
and probably before when the council was still here, they would go remove the
trespassers before the Zadabes could devour them.
Because they're not evil people, they just wanted to have a
security system in place, basically.
So the plants, I would think of them as neutral, basically? They're not like evil
creations? They are neutral, basically. They're not like evil creations. They are neutral indeed, yeah.
That's what their nature is to do.
Now, you do notice with the 18, I think you rolled knowledge of nature,
that several of the flowers growing in the hall can be used to make incense and perfume.
And if you wanted to spend an hour harvesting them,
you could probably find about 200 gold worth of stuff to make for incense and perfume.
I don't think Lork would want to do that, but you know that there's—
I would definitely do that.
Like the seeds you found before.
These aren't huge things, but when you finally get to a market, you found all those exotic seeds.
Now you find stuff that you can use to make incense and perfume.
You'll be able to kind of—
This is actually how I'm going to make Jasun Calvin Klein fragrance. Right here, it's done.
Actually, you could spend probably,
Lork knows, just because of his oneness with nature,
you could spend up to five hours here
and get 200 gold worth of incense and perfume materials
five times.
You could get 1,000 gold if you wanted to spend
five hours in this room just harvesting all the flowers.
Time has no meaning in this case.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
And as to Galabrasras where are they from uh you want to do a can i do a plains check on that no it's it's still going to be uh nature they're uh they're nomadic plants so they uh they traverse
large expanses of land are you saying flowers flowers migrate? Yes. These, these weird magical,
uh,
devouring flowers do,
uh,
until they,
they have like,
they can sense life.
And once they sense a lot of life,
then they stay there,
uh,
forever.
So,
and they just lie dormant,
taking on the guise of harmless flowers while releasing their deceptive
aroma.
Deceptive aroma.
I love that.
It's a good band name.
Yeah.
All right.
So.
Yeah, this is cool.
Just this thing.
It says, because of their carnivorous nature,
Zadabays only rarely run short on nutrients,
consuming the entirety of a victim's body over the course of several days
following the initial process of draining its blood.
Oh.
That's pleasant.
Yeah.
Wow.
And they also had acid within them, too,
if they had just done regular attacks instead of that,
like they would have dealt acid damage as well,
similar to the Tendriculus.
Huh.
But we could talk about flowers all day.
Yeah, Lork would like to continue in the hallway
and just see what's at the other end.
Okay.
So you walk to the other end of the room.
Sure enough, there's a set of doors.
Da-na-na, ba-na-na, doors.
Is that the sports center doors?
Yep.
Next up on Plant Center, this double door brought to you by Gatorade.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. this double door brought to you by Gatorade.
Yeah, so there are a set of double doors at the end.
The hallway did, in fact, widen,
so towards the end of the hallway,
you can fit two side-by-side,
whereas at the first portion, you're all single file,
and there are doors leading out.
All right, I'd like to do a perception on the door.
For any traps or anything shady.
I'll aid you.
22.
And I aid.
I was hoping you'd roll like a one and I was going to say, you see a lovely
window.
No, it's like all these
other doors.
There's no branches covering it like the council chamber in the first floral bloom door but it's like all these other doors. Okay. It's made of, there's no branches covering it like the council chamber in the first Floral Bloom door,
but it's, you know, made of the natural ingredients.
Okay.
Great.
Then if it's cool with you guys, Lork will open the door.
Open it.
Okay.
You open the door and you see another hollow.
You're inside another hollow of a tree that wraps around
and more stairs leading out.
Up or down?
Down.
Oh.
Down.
Deeper.
Deeper into the vault of thorns.
Okay, we'll start slowly down the stairs.
Perceiving for danger along the way.
Okay, roll a perception.
I'll do as well.
16 for Lork.
15 for Della.
Everything seems to be perfectly fine and safe
in this weird druidic demiplane.
But it only makes sense for people at the front of the pack
to do these checks, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
at the front of the pack to do these checks, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
I was just thinking about like a woman at an incense or whatever, a perfume counter, like explaining,
like, now this one is really rare.
This came from a demiplane.
Yeah.
A zoetic demiplane.
I'm not even supposed to show you this.
My boss is on lunch.
People died recovering.
A wolverine and a witch died.
To bring you this perfume.
So you go down the stairs
and you feel like you're in a giant tree
basically at this point.
There's a wall at the end and then the corridor
turns. You can see up ahead it turns to the left.
Do you keep walking?
I will keep walking and I will poke my head
around to the corner.
Tell everybody to stay back and I'll just
peek my head around to the left.
You peek your head around and you see the corridor
stretches far. Just a 10 foot wide
corridor probably stretches for
50 feet or so.
You can see that it ends
in another set of double doors
top 10 double doors
number one
lights washing over
in red and white
so I would like to do a perception on the floor and
walls between myself and the door okay for anything shady 12 i'll do a perception as well
you've never felt more safe
della got a natural one on a perception. Della rushes down the hall.
Eyes closed.
Skips along.
Yeah, no.
All right, I don't see anything.
It's as creepy as everything else,
but you get the sense that everything's sloping down.
You're going deeper and deeper into this place. And so this 50-foot, 60-foot long corridor,
similar to the one that led you down into the greenhouse,
it's going down, down, down, and the doors at the end.
But it's all vine-choked leaves.
You see that perpetual sun coming through.
But there's not like, you know, let me just walk into this forest.
Everything's so thickly settled that you can't,
you only have 10 feet with which to deal with.
Okay.
Then I'll continue to move up slowly, cautiously, toward the door.
Okay.
Double door.
You hear, clink, and a bear trap goes off.
You fall into a hole and find 17 cheese sticks.
Oh, my God.
I knew it.
I knew it.
The perfect trap for Joe.
Yep.
You,
uh,
you,
no,
you,
you make your way to the double doors at the end.
That's too many cheesesteaks.
I'm picturing like the best trap ever.
I'm just picturing there's like somebody who's holding the fishing lure with the cheesesteak dangling on the end.
Oh,
look.
Hey,
it's my fishing lure.
Hey,
it's a cheesesteak. You make it to the end. like, oh, look. Hey, it's my fishing lure. Hey, it's a cheesesteak.
You make it to the end, and you see the same sort of double doors you've been seeing,
but this wood looks like it's decaying from the outside in.
Right?
So, like, from the other side of the door whatever is seeping through it's it seeped through
to the other side and the wood is like rotten and black it stinks you almost have to cover your mouth
it smells so bad oh geez can i turn do i notice this as well uh yeah i mean you you guys are on
the map as single file but baron could totally step forward. Can I ask a Wigga why something like this would happen in this vault?
I mean, she was partially responsible for creating it.
What type of energy could make something so vibrant and lush decay like this?
She says, well, as I mentioned before,
there has been great evil that has seeped into the vault.
It seems as if whatever, perhaps the cause of this evil has found its home here beneath the vault at its farthest depths.
I sense horrific evil on the other side of this door.
If it has the power enough to corrupt such a beautiful place as the Vault of Thorns,
to even look at this door and see its presence...
You believe this rotting wood is caused by evil?
Yes.
Not some natural effect?
A combination of both, most likely.
Whatever has taken root in here is very bad.
Baron, you have any more of those bandanas?
It smells horrible up here.
I typically only have mine.
Sorry.
Fuck you.
What if I was a magician and I pulled it out of my sleeve?
He just kept coming.
Or if he was a roadie for Aerosmith, maybe you'd have a whole bunch of them.
I mean, you could tear up a blanket or something.
Can I take a cloth of some kind and cover my face if it smells that bad?
Sure.
I mean, you don't feel like it's going to make you sick,
but it's just un...
It's just blight.
Yeah.
It's just like a blight.
That's exactly what it is.
Okay.
Then I will carefully...
I won't open the door just yet.
I'm just going to touch the door, put my hand on the door and see if I feel anything.
Touch the door, and it almost is rotting under the pressure of your hand
but it's about the fall I feel like it can it can be easily pushed in you know
we should like wet wood what should we do here Matthew we haven't done this on
the podcast yeah I don't think what we need Lore kicks in the door.
His foot goes straight.
Your foot goes, like, straight into the door, basically,
and comes out the other side,
and you're kind of, like, lodged in this wet, moist wood,
but it does open with you,
so you can easily, like, pull your foot out or your leg out.
It's like Naked Gun with OJ.
Yeah, the first scene.
It's true.
And
you see quite
a room ahead of you.
Do you enter, or are you just peeking in?
Well, what do I see first?
Right.
17 ogres.
You see a pit in front of you.
It's filled with alligators.
All right, I enter.
No, I'm kidding.
I was being lork, seeing the alligators.
You look into the room,
and you see a very large, arched chamber.
And it immediately provides a grim contrast
to the vault's other
life-filled rooms.
Instead of lush vegetation that you've grown
used to as you've been walking through here,
there's a massive briar patch
and layers of thick
humus forming
high mounds throughout the room.
You see these mounds that are like
30 feet high all throughout the room.
Wait, why is there hummus in the room back h-u-m-u-s it's filled with hummus are there pitas to go with it or no there were
no people i knew this place was evil it truly is without pita who have humus without pita
uh what the hell's Humus is like...
It's like decaying leftovers from mowing the lawn,
like when you empty the bag, any type of stuff like that.
Right, so there's a massive briar patch
and these layers of thick humus forming mounds throughout the room.
So there are several, half a dozen or so,
they look to be about 30-foot-high mounds.
Hundreds of varieties of fungi choke out any attempt for healthy plants to root in this room.
And the air is heavy with the stench of decay.
These mounds are twisting throughout the room.
You can tell they form a complex warren throughout the chamber.
So, like, walking through, some of them are touching each other you can't they form a complex warren throughout the chamber. So like walking through,
some of them are touching each other,
you can't get through.
Some of them, for the most part,
they're like five feet apart.
So it makes like a maze basically to get to the other end of the room.
And what do you see at the chamber's eastern end?
Oh, I can see it from here.
The highest of all the mounds,
50 feet tall.
Whoa.
And you see on top of that mound, a large swollen wooden chest.
With like a single beam of light coming down on it.
Motes floating in the light.
Exactly what I was thinking.
The ceiling is 60 feet high in this chamber.
You've got those 30-foot mounds.
It looks like compost, soil, all sorts of shit.
Masses of thorny vines.
And then the one at the end is 50 feet tall.
Right when you open the door, a bunch of rodents just kind of scurry out.
Shadow rats.
And you guys see rats run over your feet,
and you're like, gross.
We have bad memories of those.
Yeah.
Rotting mulch, fungi, it stinks.
And the rats look like they're looking for food.
Dale is like, why are you afraid of rats?
I love rats.
Rats are great.
It's a long story.
And Galabras looking at this room that kind of says under his voice,
almost to himself,
we should have rested.
You should have rested.
Good point.
All right, so we got Lork there at the head of the room
with Della at his side,
and Barry Connick Jr. behind him,
Baron behind Della,
and then Iwiga and Galabras in the back,
still in the corridor.
Well, you're all in the corridor.
What do you do?
Hmm.
Can we do a perception to see?
Are you going to make us enter the room and then do a perception?
I mean, depends what you want to see.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, go ahead.
I want to look up at the ceiling to see if there's anything hidden up there that could swoop down and eat us.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, you can roll a perception for that.
You can look up.
Is it still sunlight coming through? Mm-hmm bright it's not dimming here it's bright
but they're the the brightness is overshadowed by the just rot natural 20 natural 20 you see
nothing up there just more thorn the the vegetation from the ground the gross thorns have like reached
up all the way to the ceiling it's choked all life from the room. And it's funny, because even though you faced all this danger
and horrible fake creatures, at least everything was beautiful.
This is disgusting.
Go ahead, Joe.
Can you, sorry, I just, is everything difficult terrain in here?
Nope, just if you want to go up and over the mounds.
And how high are the mounds?
30 feet high, the one at the end looks to be 50 feet high. So they're all roughly 30 up and over the mounds. And how high are the mounds? 30 feet high.
The one at the end looks to be 50 feet high.
So they're all roughly 30, and then the one at the end is 50.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, well, okay.
So Lork's concern, tactically speaking, as a ranger,
is if anything is up on these things and can shoot down at us,
like, we're in a horrible position.
Like, we cannot take fire from up there.
You know what I mean?
So I'd be looking at the...
And I'll tell you from a gaming perspective,
if you're on higher ground, you get a bonus to hit.
Yeah.
Which also applies to you guys.
I think it's a plus one or a plus two.
Plus one.
Plus one.
If you're shooting from higher ground.
And there could be things inside.
That's the other thing.
Not just on top.
Maybe they're pinatas and they're full of candy.
That's what they are.
So Lork is going to
move five feet into the room right up to
the start of the first mound.
And then I want to go
to Lork's left around
the mound slowly and
peek around the back side because there's a mound
right in front of us and I don't know what's on the other side of it.
So you step into the room,
and go around to the left,
and you see that between the wall and the mound,
you would have to squeeze to get through.
Okay.
So you and Barry Connick Jr. are right there.
Barry Connick Jr. could make it through with ease.
I mean, you can get through.
I'm not going to make you roll.
But there's nothing back there.
You don't see anything.
You just see another mound.
And I look up, up the slope of the mound on the backside,
and there's nothing up.
Looking up, yeah, thorns and compost.
Okay.
What is Della Baron Galabras doing?
Della will step in and peek.
She'll step up to the mound on the right side,
and she'll peek around to see, yeah, right side and she'll peek around to see.
Yeah.
Right.
Like they're just peek around to see if she can see anything on top of the
other mounds.
Okay.
So Della enters the room,
uh,
Lork and I go,
I always want to say Ben Vereen,
Barry Connick are,
uh,
to the left of the first mound.
Della comes in,
goes around to the other side and looks at two other mounds.
These 30 foot mounds that are close together to your right,
and you're just looking up at them, kind of looking in them.
Yeah, I want to do the same thing.
Is anything lurking on top of them?
Anything lurking on the side of them?
You don't see any movement whatsoever.
All right.
Baron.
Baron's reminded of The Last of Us,
and he's afraid that these fungus are going to turn us
into weird chittering zombies
so he wishes he
had knowledge nature to look at those things
he'll really
quickly ask a wig if she had any memory
of what this room once was before
he heads in and then he's going to head in
she says I
my memory is
coming back to me faster
by the moment as I see these things, but so much has changed,
not only through the passage of the time,
but through the presence of this great and powerful evil.
I see the chest at the end of the room.
I remember this to be where we stored
our magnificent cache of items.
No, this was...
Oh, man!
Oh, man! Oh, man!
No, this room is nothing like what I remember.
I can't even remember what we used it for,
because so much has changed,
but I do know that these bramble mounds were never here before.
Okay, I walk into the room, and I...
Is it possible to climb any of these mounds?
Yeah, you can climb.
I want to climb that first mound where I'm flanked on either side by my compatriots.
Okay, so the one that Lork went to the left of and looked up at.
So you climb to the top of it.
Pretty cool visual.
I wish I had a map that had top topography.
But you're up there, 30 feet up, just kind of looking,
and you see the tops of all the other compost heats, and you can see you're almost, the chest is on the other side of the room, but you get a really good view of it, and it is big fucking chest.
I want to take my falchion and just sort of slowly slide it into the mound.
Is it like soil, or is it like a pile of shit, like compost?
Is it like soil or is it like a pile of shit, like compost?
It's soil, but there's vines as well.
But you can definitely edge the falchion in there. Yeah, I just want to slowly poke it in and see if there's anything.
And, yeah, you pull it out and it's just gross.
It's covered in gunk.
It's covered in wet and gross.
Galabras, what are you doing?
It's covered in gunk. It's covered, it's wet.
Okay.
And gross.
Galabras, what are you doing?
I step in next to Della on her right.
Okay.
And you weren't doing any perception, any looking?
Yeah.
I mean, you kind of see the same things they saw.
Basically, you can see the tops.
You don't see anything moving.
Besides, the rats are still
skittering about your feet, and you can easily kick
them away, but they
seem frightened
and hungry.
Can I climb?
I'm going to climb the
mountain to my right. Okay, so
Galabros goes king of the mountain.
The fuck king of shit mountain?
How old is Galabras again?
I always forget.
23?
He's 23, yeah.
Braver by the day.
So Iwiga comes up to the doorway as well.
She's like, what happened to this place?
What blight came upon this room?
And Lork, Barry Connick Jr.
wedged in there behind the
first mound, Baron on top
of it
Della, your new companion
to the right of it and then to the right
of Della on top of that mound
is Galabras
all of a sudden you do hear
movement
like the sound of vines moving throughout the room all of a sudden you do hear movement.
Like the sound of vines moving throughout the room.
Everyone roll a fortitude save.
Oh, shit.
So many saves.
Lork and Barry Connick.
Nine.
15 for Della.
21. 12 for L Nine. 15 for Della. 21.
12 for Lork and 15 for Barry.
Baron, all of a sudden, you see Galabras, Della, and Lork,
and Barry Connick Jr. start violently vomiting.
Jesus.
Shit.
And it looks like Barry Connick Jr. is nauseated as well.
Am I able to ask? Basically, they're all sickened.
But Barry Connick Jr. is nauseated and sickened.
Do you remember when I looked at it and he specifically said it doesn't look like the kind of thing that's going to make you said, it doesn't look like the kind of thing that's going to make you sick.
It doesn't smell like the kind of thing that's going to make you sick.
Because it wasn't that itself.
It was this giant thorny creature comes out of the,
the largest pile in the room.
It like moves out of the pile.
Like it was a part of it.
Like it can move straight through it. This large of the pile like it was a part of it like it can move straight
through it this large uh like you see two long vines covered in sharp thorns protruding from
what appears to be a massive rotting bundle of barbs that's topped with a heap of berry red eyes
it comes out of the giant mound feed me seymour it comes out of the giant mound. Feed me, Seymour!
It comes out of the giant mound
and you can, I mean, it's a plant
but you can see it looking at you and Baron,
all of them around you start
vomiting and you see Barry Connick Jr.
in really bad shape
and every single one of you can
see in the eyes of your
companions, you are 100%
confident that not all of you
will survive this room. And we'll pick it up here next week. Fuck this room. Fuck you. Fuck
little house shop of whores. I'm so scared. Outro Music