The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 55 - Ewigga, Please!
Episode Date: June 14, 2016Battered and spent from their ruthless battle with the Brambleblight, the heroes try to muster what little strength they have left to fight tooth and nail against an elusive and disturbingly powerful ...traitor in their very midst! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast.
It's the first time any of you have talked to me all week, by the way.
After a devastating betrayal.
Not a single sense motive.
Not a single detect alignment or whatever.
Except for Andela.
Right, except for Andela.
I don't like the looks of that teenager.
The heroes face their most powerful foe yet.
Now, in all your years of D&D, have you ever been part of a TPK?
And desperate times.
Calabras! We hardly knew you.
Actually, we knew you very well.
Call for desperate measures.
Can we go back to a save point?
Reload right before Gormley's help.
I don't like the way this is looking. Reload.
The adventure continues.
Hey, an attack hit or a melee attack?
Now. Hey, an attack hit or a melee attack? No. Hey, what's going on, everybody?
Troy LaVallee back again with another exciting episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast.
After last week's insane encounter, we're coming at you with a jumbo-sized episode this week.
But before we get to that, I have three orders of business to attend to.
The first two are plugs about things that we're doing, and the last is a big surprise.
So if you stick with me for the doing and the last is a big surprise.
So if you stick with me
for the plugs,
I'll give you the surprise.
Number one,
we launched a YouTube channel
and we need you to subscribe.
Why?
Because we're trying to work
to get to 10,000 subscribers.
10,000 subscribers, Troy,
that's insane.
You're never going to get that much.
And why would you even want it?
Well, here's the thing.
If we get 10,000 subscribers,
we will gain access
to the YouTube space
here in New York. And what that means is we'll be able to start filming content for the YouTube channel
with Google's money, basically. That's basically what it means. I've been to the YouTube space in
New York and it's insane. So if we ever get 10,000 subscribers, we'll be able to use that space.
And now you think, well, 10,000 subscribers, Troy, you've got like 300 something right now. How are
you going to reach that amount? Well, right now, if my numbers are correct, we have about 20,000 subscribers to our podcast.
So if half of you right now pause the podcast, go to YouTube.com, search for the glass cannon,
and hit subscribe, I think that will take 45 seconds tops.
If half of you do that, boom, we've got 10,000 subscribers.
So is it impossible?
Well, you tell me.
I'm going to check YouTube tomorrow. And if it's not a 10,000, well, then we've all failed. Number two,
Skid and Joe mentioned the past couple of weeks, but we have launched a Twitch channel. Right now,
Joe and I are doing a live playthrough of Dark Souls 3 about twice a week now. We usually do
Wednesday nights, Saturday afternoons. I play the game while Joe makes fun of me, basically.
And it's a lot of fun. Now, you might be thinking, well, I don't want to watch a couple idiots play
video games, and I don't blame you. But what's really fun is the chat room. Joe runs the chat
while I do the more important work of playing the actual game. But we've got like 30, 40 people,
and it's growing every day that go on there and chat, and we'll talk about episodes, we'll talk
about the glass cannon, we'll talk about the game. We'll talk about life.
It's a lot of fun.
Even if you don't want to watch,
just go to twitch.tv slash the glass cannon and subscribe.
Cause again,
we need the numbers.
All right.
You listen to me,
do the plugs.
And now here comes the quote unquote,
big news.
This Thursday,
June 16th,
2016 marks the actual one year anniversary of the day we launched the Glass Cannon Podcast.
So, to celebrate our one-year anniversary starting this Thursday and every Thursday thereafter,
we are bringing you a new show called Cannon Fodder.
Great name, right?
Cannon Fodder is going to be a weekly 15 to 20-minute show where Joe and I and eventually some other guests
are going to talk about the previous week's episode.
A little bit behind the scenes, a little bit, hey, Troy, what were you thinking here?
Hey, what's going on with this character?
Hey, why am I such a terrible roller?
That's my impression of Joe, by the way.
It launches this Thursday, every Thursday thereafter.
The fans ask for more content and we're giving it to them.
And speaking of more content, we got a brand new episode coming in hot right now.
Here it is.
Episode 55.
E-Wiga, please.
All right.
You're stalling too long.
I'm going to jump in here.
I'm starting this episode.
All right.
Let's try something new.
I hope you started by murdering Troy.
I didn't expect you to actually let me start.
No, no.
I've been thinking, I've had some time to think about what happened and where we are with this Uyghur turning on us, you know, and all of the...
It's the first time any of you have talked to me all week, by the way.
I mean, Skidhead doesn't return my texts.
And I thought about it and I was like, you know what, this is, and I was so mad.
And I wasn't, I wasn't really mad mad at you I was so mad at the situation
and I was mad at myself you know
you get mad when you get deceived
that you didn't see through it earlier and you see
all the warning signs like oh I
asked you why doesn't she have a
level one cure spell
why does she go unconscious
and you were just like oh it's the evil
whatever you know and
you over a long period
of time of this episode have proven to be a pretty you know like subpar gm without it doesn't do a
lot of work and doesn't really read it doesn't really read up on stuff you know it doesn't know
the rules or anything doesn't know anything about underwater combat you know on a boat adventure
uh so nautical terms right so i felt So I felt like all these things that you did
have led up to this moment.
And I thought, you know, in Rounders,
it's like the first thing that he says in the movie
for anybody out there that plays poker,
he just says,
if you're sitting at a poker table in the first hour,
you can't spot the sucker.
You are the sucker.
And so what I find to be much more dangerous is when you're playing poker and you identify the sucker but he's playing you
and you get burned so bad and like that is what happened in this case i thought you weren't doing
your research i thought you had to go unconscious because you didn't feel like playing another npc
which you've complained about
over and over and over for episodes and episodes.
And meanwhile, you were
playing us right
into your hands, and it made me
so angry
at myself that I didn't see it. So now
I just want to say
I'm going to have a little more respect for you going forward.
I'm going to be much more careful in how I play my hands.
And I'm going to be watching you. respect for you going forward. I'm going to be much more careful in how I play my hands. I'm going to be watching you.
You fuck.
Don't leave town.
Well played.
Thank you.
How many episodes since you met her?
I think it was 48 or 49.
It was 49, I think, we met her.
I think it was 55.
I always want to point out, it's like the murder she wrote casting. 49? It was 49, I think, we met her. I think this is 55. Wow.
I mean, I always want to point out,
it's like the murder she wrote casting.
Like, you should have been able to spot the murderer because she was the biggest name.
And Helen Mirren.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One of the world's most respected actresses.
Of course she's evil.
I mean, Della's being played by some unnamed.
Oh, I didn't even hold you to that.
God damn it, Joe.
Wait a minute, that was two episodes ago.
God damn it. All right, that's it. I've been so caught up, I haven't even hold you to that. Wait a minute, that was two episodes ago.
Damn it.
All right, that's it. I've been so caught up, I haven't thought about it. All the suggestions keep
rolling in on Twitter. Let me point out
that you guys detected evil
on Della, but did not detect evil on
Uyghur. Stop deflecting.
Stop deflecting.
Caster!
Young Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman from The Professional.
I'll actually think about this.
Wait, I had a good idea.
I don't know how we let this go.
Oh my God.
Who was the girl?
Oh God.
Game of Thrones.
The character, the queen, the new queen that marries Tom and Marge.
Oh, Marjorie.
Natalie Dormer.
Yeah, Natalie Dormer.
I thought of her because think of her with like half of her head shape, like half the
side of her head shape. Oh yeah. With like long blonde i was like that is della to me you know what i mean
like looking at your mini and everything that is another good suggestion that's a great suggestion
i'll take it just keep rolling them in for you matthew uh now there's a lot that i want to tell
you about it we're good but you're not going to find out unless you survive. The only glimmering
shimmer of hope
that I see in this whole thing is that
she's been waiting this
long because she was
unable herself to
defeat all of the creatures
in this dungeon. Interesting.
So, we
at least have some sort of a fighting chance
to defeat her if she was unable to defeat these things.
Right.
And I think that's a pretty awesome way of thinking about what she did.
And it could be dead on.
My only concern is that we are severely weaker than we were before.
The other thing I wanted to say is I feel terribly for not jumping in immediately and trying to save Della after she saved me.
jumping in immediately and trying to save Della after she saved me, but I will
say that there is real calculus
that would go into your head if you thought
you could possibly die from doing something.
You would have a degree of hesitation.
Sure, there's a self-preservation that's going to come
in. No, I would not have
minded at all if you
did not go out to save Della.
But what you said was like, I'm going to
hope that these guys can take care
of that and start to
move over and i wanted to make it clear to you that like lork was at negative six and it was
like it we looked so bad so beat up i will say in the future though i i've been called a little
bitch for asking for more healing in the past and i've apologized for saying that no no no
let's be clear let's be clear it's been joe mostly who's called me a little bitch
or or implied by saying that he is me a little bitch or implied by saying
that he is not a little bitch
right
that I am one
it's been a lot of name calling
so next time we do that
and we have an opportunity
to heal
in a dungeon
I'm going to demand
for max hit points
or rally for it anyway
interesting
now in all your years
of D&D
Skitty
have you ever been part
of a TPK
no
we were talking about this earlier
I never have
no
I never ran two Mofors
I've never heard of one
I mean
you always hear
you read about them online
yeah
but I've never been in one
no
maybe playing Baldur's Gate
yeah
but then you reload your save
and then you're back
right
is that an
can we go back to a save point
just yeah
reload right before Gormley i don't
like the way this is looking reload let's just do that last combat again much more knowledgeable
back to episode 46 yeah well that combat was eight hours so we've all rested so we're good
i think it's eight rounds uh well i think i think the time has come uh jump into this. This is a harrowing, harrowing situation.
You guys went through this whole living dungeon
with this druid companion who was lame, unhelpful,
seemingly lost trying to regain her powers,
and she waited all the way to the point where you had been sapped.
Oh my God, just think about her in the room.
You asked, you said, like,
why has the evil never come into this room?
And she's like, I don't know.
Like, how did we not see that?
Not a single sense motive.
Not a single detect alignment or whatever.
Except for Andela.
Right, except for Andela.
I don't like the looks of that teenager.
Except I'm the one played by the guy
who's in your party.
When you do cast her, you should cast her
as someone with an untrustworthy look.
I'll make up for your shitty role.
Retroactively justify our stupidity.
Something about that felcher looks
ungainly. Fetchling.
Fetchling.
Fetchling.
The sculpture looks ungainly. Fetchling.
Fetchling.
Fetchling.
Fetchling.
All right.
Let's take a look at the room, huh?
Maybe for some of you, the last time you'll look at a room.
All right, all right.
This kid hates me so much.
All right, we have Della on top of the mound.
So there are six 30-foot mounds in the room,
and one giant 50-foot mound with a swollen treasure chest on top.
Three on the right side, three on the left side, we'll say.
The room kind of curves.
Della is on top of the second mound to the left.
In the little warren valley between these mounds sits the rest of the,
we'll call them heroes.
Calabrus leading the charge with Baron to his left,
and then behind Baron to the right is Lork,
and then behind Lork is Barry Connick Jr.
Still good.
Barry, make sure you get that bear in there.
Barry, Barry.
And Iwiga laughs, calls you fools, tells you to prepare to die, and then goes invisible.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, I completely forgot she went invisible.
Oh, my God.
I don't like her.
I don't like her one bit.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Who is above 20
20
20 for
For Lork
Lork
And Barry
Who is above reproach
None of you
Baron what'd you get
18
18 for Baron
Della
12
12 Galabo
8
Galabo would be a fun name
If you
Let's do Galabo
Left the adventure
Galabo
Galabo
Galabo would be a fun name if you left the adventure and became a clown. Galabo, Galabo, Galabo.
Okay.
Round one.
First to act, Iwiga.
Surprise, surprise.
19 on the die.
I wasted my 19 on initiative.
Is it a waste?
Let's find out.
First thing that happens.
Everyone roll a reflex save.
Again, the ground comes up to try and grab all of you.
Fail, fail, fail.
Spell?
It is a spell.
26.
21 for Lork and 18 for Barry.
Della?
21.
21.
21.
So only Galabras is entangled.
And.
So you know what?
That's so funny.
I would think that that was something that that boss guy did that we fought last time.
It was her?
Was it her doing it or was it just something in the room?
Yeah.
Like, I don't know. Or if it's just natural, they just always try to grab anything that walks in here.
Without intelligence, they just...
Can I do a knowledge arcana check?
Let me guess, it's probably not going to grab her.
When it comes to your turn, I'll let you roll something similar to that.
Lork, you're up.
I'm going to have Barry...
If you remain in the spot where you're in, you will automatically be...
I'm going to have Barry Connick Jr. go first.
Okay.
Here's what he does.
Oh, he's got some sense.
I say attack.
He has sent.
Is she within 30 feet?
Is she within 30 feet?
Of Barry.
Of Barry.
Yes.
He will spend a move action to know the direction.
he will spend a move action to know the direction.
He's sensing it basically behind the mound that he's standing on.
I mean, that he's standing next to. So Barry is right in front of the first mound on the left side,
and he is sensing her behind.
Okay, so Barry is going to then spend his other move action to begin
tracing the scent. Okay.
He doesn't need to squeeze through there, right?
Because he's small? Right.
I'm going to say attack and he starts sniffing
and then I can see him
start moving around. Around, okay.
To the back side. And he does that, that's automatic,
right? For him? Okay. So he starts
moving around. Yeah, from what I can tell. To the back
side. Alright. Go get him there uh and with within five feet he automatically knows where she is
uh yeah if he gets within five feet so he doesn't have to roll survival or anything
yeah survival is to track so like if she's like further away i think right um it can follow tracks
by smell.
This is not tracking.
The creature's already within 30 feet.
He spends a move action to note the direction, and that's it.
So then he can start moving in that direction.
Once he's within five feet, he knows exactly what square she's in.
And he has a 30-foot movement.
So if he's not hindered by that tight passage, he would keep moving toward the scent until he saw her. He's got
30 feet. Okay. Anywhere near
him? Question mark. Within 5 feet?
Yeah. No. Okay.
Lork, what do you do?
Lork
sees him squeeze through that little
tunnel there, and
he is going to...
God, man, this is so complicated. Crapper, crapper,
crapper. Well, I'm just gonna die if I get in melee range with her.
But maybe she's like a caster of some kind.
She's not wearing armor.
I don't want to be afraid of her, but I also can't see anything.
All right, yeah, fuck it.
Let's be bold.
Lorca's going to go around the other side to flank where...
Literally, just out of nowhere, Barry Sanders just popped into my head.
I'm just getting these like random Barry's.
Barry Connick Jr. went,
and he's going to loop around the right side
with his falchion drawn
and see if he can see her back there.
Okay, you do not see her.
Okay.
But you see Ben Vereen.
Ben Vereen, not Ben Vereen, sorry.
You see Barry Connick Jr.
Sniffing in that direction.
Okay.
So you would think maybe she is somewhere there.
Okay.
Baron.
Baron's going to move 20 feet towards Lork.
He's seen this type of tactical action before against Melira.
He remembers that battle clearly as it almost killed him.
action before against Malira.
He remembers that battle clearly as it almost killed him.
Uh,
and,
uh,
since he can't see anything,
his action being readied is to shoot her.
If she becomes visible.
Okay.
So ready.
Or, or if to shoot her,
like,
you know,
singles out where she is.
Okay.
Sorry.
I want to go back and feel,
let me,
I forgot that I didn't take any other action besides moving over there and looking.
So I'd love to drink.
I have a potion of cure moderate.
So I'd like to drink.
Great idea.
And that will get the boost.
Yes.
Yes.
Plus 50% because of the healing nature of this area.
Where'd you get that potion from?
Do you remember?
No, it was a long time ago.
Actually, I don't think it was even that long ago.
Because I wanted to know.
Before the Vault of Scorns.
I wanted to know if I had one, too.
I have one on my sheet.
Oh, no, we gave them to you because you almost had your head cut off by what's-her-face.
Hey, we have good berries, too.
You can eat a good berry.
Hey, every hit point can count when it comes to life and death.
As Baron was one point away from death.
I'll take, well, can I redo mine?
Can I take a good berry?
Yeah, sure.
Just eat one good berry.
You only move 20 feet, so you have a standard action.
Good berries.
So I get one point, and then... You can eat as many as you want. You I take a good berry? Yeah, sure. Just eat one good berry. You only move 20 feet, so you have a standard action. Good berries. So I get one point, and then...
You can eat as many as you want.
You can have a handful.
I'm going to have a handful.
I'm going to have all my good berries.
Okay.
And what does that give you?
One hit point each?
One hit point each.
Yeah, and I think we had three each, and I had four.
So Baron, eat some berries, as one does before.
Oh, my God.
I want to ask Skid to roll the cure moderate.
This is turning into Skyrim, you like eat everything in your inventory
Before you battle
Alright, I got 18 healing on that potion
Plus 50%
Very good, and it is now
Della's turn
So am I, in watching this, I know
That Barry
Knows that she's back there
You get the sense
That Barry probably...
But not the scent.
Barry, yeah.
I mean, you haven't known Barry that long, but...
Yeah, Lork has like, I like to think of it as him having
some sort of divine connection to the animal,
where he sees what it does.
Absolutely.
But you might not know exactly what he's doing just yet.
Right.
But you see us all converging on this one point
You can talk
Well, I mean, here's my thing
I want to cast Glitter Dust, and I can from this range
But I don't want to waste it
So I could ready an action that when I know where she is
I could cast it
Well, um
I only have a ten foot radius on it
You see, look, here's the decision
You see Barry Connick Jr. going around to the left of this mound.
You see Lork and Baron going around to the right.
Now there's only 15 feet in between the two of us on the other side of this mound.
It's like, that's all you know.
On top of the mound?
Yeah, so it would make sense, because she could have also gone up the mound.
So I'm going to ready an action.
Okay.
When I know that, if I know within 10 feet of where she is,
so either I can see Barry engage with her or identify the square she's in,
or if I can see her, I'm going to cast Glitter Dust.
Okay.
And it's good.
When you're up, you can actually have line of sight over that mound if she is over there.
It's so crazy thinking back to the actions that we had prepared
when I listened back.
You climbed up that mound,
which is huge right now. Baron stayed in the
back of the party. But then at the last second
he said, no, I come up next to Lork. And she
was behind us. It's like all these little things.
The reason why is because I felt
awful for not immediately
being like, I want to save Della! And I was like,
I can't leave i care
about these guys more than that i care about lork more than that i would be right up there
yeah you gotta get and it might be huge huge galabras uh i'm gonna begin casting summon
monster two all right okay all right now we are talking we're talking and can i get even the fight
with a move action can i I try to free myself?
Uh,
I forgot about that.
Yeah.
Oh,
Della has to move.
Uh,
all right.
I take a five foot step and then I still,
yeah,
that way.
Right.
Uh,
what did we say for that?
Yeah,
I think it's a move action.
Yeah.
That's what you said before.
Right.
Yep.
So you can attempt to break free.
Okay.
I won't do it,
but hell yeah, you will. 16. You. Okay. I won't do it, but...
Hell yeah, you will.
16?
You get out!
All right!
All right, and I'm going to move right next to Baron.
Okay, so we're now at the door.
It's Lork, Baron, Galabras all in a straight line
on one side of the mound.
On the other side of the mound is Barry Connick Jr.
And Della is just like preparing glitter dust
from atop a mound on the other side of the room.
Round two.
I've got no patience for traitors.
Maybe something happens.
You don't know.
It is Lork and Barry Connick Jr.'s turn.
Oh, so we notice nothing.
Notice nothing.
Barry Connick Jr. can notice her direction with a move action.
Right.
With how many feet?
30.
Doesn't sense her at all.
Okay.
And there's no tracks.
No tracks.
She also could have wild shaped while invisible, right?
All right.
So I'm going to try to push him to come to me.
Oh, my God.
I missed it by one.
24 out of 25.
So he stays there.
So he's just going to kind of like keep looking around, like confused a little bit.
Lork is going to hold his action.
Okay.
Baron.
Oh, God.
So I have no idea where this person is.
The worst part about readying actions to the GM is that you're telling the enemy exactly what you plan to do.
So we know she can wild shape into an eagle.
Can you, when you're under the subject of an invisibility spell, can you wild shape?
Yeah, as long as you don't do something offensive.
So she could be in the sky.
One last time.
Yes.
Explain total defense to me
total defense you take your actually that's a great idea but it but you can't then hold your
action um total defense gives you plus four to ac it's a plus four dodge bonus i believe to ac
i'm going to hunker down get my total defense ready and i say come at me E-wigs And I'm gonna look with the steely blue eyes of my dwarven eyes
Into Lork and Galabras' eyes
And let them know that this is on
And we gotta hunker down and get out of here
Della
Della's gonna cast Defensive Shock on herself
Ooh, what is that all about?
I'm going to read you the text
because it's kind of fun
Don't read it to him because he won't attack you
Electrical energy floods your body
shocking the next creature that touches you
Any creature striking you
with its body or a handheld weapon
takes 1d6 points of electricity damage
per two caster levels
If you have spell resistance, it applies against this damage so that's 2d6 for you 2d6 for me and it does it
the first time it discharges it does both and then the second time it discharges it just does
half of that that is a cool spell yeah nice what book is that do you know is it ultimate magic or
something ultimate magic yeah that's cool all right what you should have said is, Troy, something happens.
You don't know.
Don't worry about it.
I actually wasn't even listening, so.
Sorry, I was reading something.
Took his headphones off.
I was reading the news.
No, Galabras, who began summoning a creature.
Okay.
So, in the air appear three celestial eagles.
Wow.
We are leveling.
Go, go, go.
USA.
Wow.
USA.
USA.
Gary, Doug, and Gordon.
Gary, Doug, and Gordon.
Oh, I remember Gary.
Gary's an old friend.
I remember Gary.
Everybody remembers Gary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not to be confused with Gary the Gary's an old friend. I remember Gary. Everybody remembers Gary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not to be confused with Gary the Dolphin.
All right.
Here, I'll let you place them anywhere you'd like in the room.
I will use my D6s.
And they are flying.
The room is 60 feet high.
How high would they like to fly?
70 feet.
I can fly higher than an eagle.
Wow.
He's just spreading them out throughout the whole.
It's our patrol.
It's all aerial.
Our aerial support.
Air superiority.
Our cap.
Yeah.
Lurk's going to be the forward observer.
No, Barry.
Barry's the forward observer.
All right.
Let's see where all of you.
Doesn't Galabras still get that?
Oh, yes.
I'm sorry.
And I'm going to cast.
we're all you doesn't go and we're still good yeah yes I'm sorry and I'm
going to cast
I'm going to use the one to do
cure light wounds on
Baron fucking man
good call god damn it I love you
oh max
what is that
third you are
a fucking lifesaver
all
right
you have not acted this round is there anything you would like to do a fucking lifesaver. All right.
Lork, you have not acted this round.
Is there anything you would like to do?
Gosh, I don't have any potions.
I don't.
Yeah, no, I will not. I see you sticking your head in under the wand
to try and steal Baron's healing.
Yo, let me get a little of that shit on.
I'm ready in action to deflect the wand to try and steal Baron's healing. Yo, let me get a little of that shit on. I'm ready in action to deflect the wand to me.
Okay, so you're going to continue to hold.
Yeah.
Round.
Total defense?
Yes, no?
No, I don't want to move in the initiative order at this point.
Round three.
Galabras.
Roll a will save.
Roll the natural one.
All of a sudden, Askroth's armor starts getting hot.
Oh no, it's so bad when it's the armor because you can't cut it off.
It just starts boiling.
And it is Lork's turn.
I said I was going to respect you as a GM earlier.
And I do still mean that.
She has so greater invisibility?
Well, this is my question.
It's an attacking spell.
Right, but it was on an object.
You're attacking.
Right, okay.
Well, that's what I was wondering.
But here's the thing.
Not all of you.
No, you can make the call, but I just want to make sure you considered it.
No, I absolutely considered it.
And it is not greater invisibility.
Oh, by the way, I should have specified.
The eagles were holding their action.
If they see her, they will attack her.
Right, right.
Okay.
Now, this is the issue.
Not all of you are going to be able to see her when she appears. But the eagles will.
So you have to play as such.
So we would see the eagles plunge.
You would see the eagles plunge.
You'd be able to do the math.
So she appears on the other side of the room.
As Matthew predicted, she did in royal shape.
That is some range on that fucking spell you did, dude.
Is she an eagle?
I love that spell.
Yeah. It's a great spell I love that spell. Yeah.
It's a great spell.
Heat metal.
Heat metal.
And it does such good damage.
Okay, so she does appear,
and the eagles can swoop in to attack.
I just pictured these,
if they have the range.
I think eagles fly 80 feet.
Yeah, 80 feet,
so all three of them can...
So they converge on her.
They all get one attack.
Is she currently an eagle?
She is not.
She wild-shaped to get across the room, as you predicted.
Invisible, and then came out of it.
Miss.
18 to hit.
Miss.
19 to hit.
Miss.
19 was a miss?
Yep.
Oh, shit shit the eagles
are surrounding
a spellcaster
all right
Matthew
just have Gormley
knock RAC down
and we'll be good
yeah
oh
man
that was a me thing
to say
I love Della
I love Della
talk to your GM
this is the perfect
situation for Gormley.
This is where we miss Gormley the most.
I could have flown.
I had spells that could damage him hundreds of feet away.
Hex the shit out of her.
Let's be honest, that animated Bramble would have constricted Gormley
if Dragonfly didn't.
She would have been flying up in the air instantly.
By the way.
Okay, so now the eagles move an initiative order to right before
lork and lork i love to go armly you see uh you see yeah okay so i'm gonna act was this my turn
anyway yeah it got back to my turn okay now it goes away we got eagles lork uh okay and barry
lork is gonna give the attack command to barry and he is also going to attack when he sees the eagle swoop.
He still doesn't really know where she is,
so he's just going to move 40 feet towards her as a double move.
Barry's going to move 40 feet towards her,
just kind of like sticking with Lork as close as possible.
Okay, so you guys are double moving, essentially.
Yeah, we're not going to get to her.
She's all the way on the other side of the room.
Don't even know where she is.
She's behind a mound, but we saw the eagles disappear all behind that mound,
so Lork has reasons to suspect that's where she is.
So he's double moving.
Right.
Okay.
Very good.
And it is now Baron's turn.
Baron, you saw the eagle swoop.
You see Lork and Berry Clinic Jr. running over there.
Baron, you saw the eagle swoop.
You see Lork and Berry Clinic Jr. running over there.
Baron realizes now, more than ever after Della saved his life,
that he needs the help of his compatriots to be effective and to just survive this dungeon.
So he is going to move 20 feet up.
Galabras has already gone this round or is about to go.
Galabras has not gone.
Okay.
So he is going to move and shadow Galabras.
And if Galabras moves 30 feet,
he's going to double move.
If he doesn't move 30 feet,
he's just going to move.
So he's holding his action to wait for what,
see what Galabras does.
Yes.
Della on top of old Smokey.
What do you do?
Glitter dust.
Glitter dust. Okay. Yeah. Cause she's no, I mean, mean she's no longer invisible but you're going to try and blind her and make
sure that if she wild shapes if she ever tries to go invisible again i mean it's probably i'm
assuming it's a spell but still right i like it wait i i don't know because that would blind all
the eagles oh all right okay you have seconds to think about this method.
Approximately six.
Who is playing Della?
Who is playing Della?
Magic missile.
And there's no... That's just automatically hits.
That's it.
Automatic.
And how many of those do you get a day?
Because you're on the same day as last episode.
Don't forget.
It's a first level spell.
Yeah.
So how many of them?
So infinite?
No, I have five first level spells.
And I've used one.
No, I've used two.
I've used two magic missiles.
Okay.
And those just strike true from any range?
Well, not any range.
Well, not any range, but...
13 points of damage.
Nice.
That's good.
Roll spell resistance.
If that has it.
Hey, do we need a nerdage here?
Have we done spell resistance before?
I don't think we've ever...
We need a nerd.
It's fine.
I don't think...
Have we done it? Not? I don't think we've done it. We need a nerd. We need a nerd. Have we done it?
Not yet.
Nerd.
Skeet's got something explaining to do.
It is time for nerd.
You don't have any cackles anymore, I guess.
Yeah, we don't have the cackles anymore.
That's that guy's kid.
All right, exactly.
Shout out to Lois Lowe.
Double low, double low. In in the house double low seven uh spell resistance now we actually
spell resistance i'll get it i'll take this one spell resistance is basically ac for powerful
creatures against magic so if they have spell resistance that means you cast a spell even if
it's a spell that always hits like magic missile,
or if it's a spell that's like, oh, it gets a will save or a reflex save,
or it's burning hands or whatever the spells we usually cast.
Someone that's very powerful gets spell resistance,
which means you have to roll your die, add your caster level to it.
Is it just your caster level?
Caster level and your intelligence bonus.
I think it's just your caster level.
I think it's just a caster level check.
So basically, the more powerful of a mage you are,
you can punch through the spell resistance of powerful
creatures. But if you're a weaker spellcaster,
it's harder to hit really
powerful magic people.
Matthew's going to roll a die to hit just like
any other AC hit with a sword.
Now, some spells
bypass spell resistance.
Does this one say spell resistance, yes, or spell resistance?
Yeah, no, nothing bypasses spell resistance.
What it does is there are some spells that don't target a creature.
It's just like they make everything in the area turn into brambles.
You know what I mean?
Right.
That's not spell resistance.
Like black tentacles.
Right, exactly what I was thinking.
But if you're just targeting someone with magical attacks,
it is, they get a
save before the regular save
they usually get. So it's tough.
So this is plus five.
Plus five. 21.
Oh! They hit.
Yeah! Alright.
How much damage
was it? 13. 13. That's great.
And most spell resistance is usually
comparable to ACs. So it's like it's 18 or it? 13. 13. That's great. And most spell resistance is usually comparable to ACs.
So it's like
it's 18
or it's 17
it's usually in that area
at this level
goes up
you know in later levels.
Yep.
And then can I say
I'm fighting defensively
for my move action
or is that
not how that works?
No I think
that's a full round action.
No it's a standard action
for total defense.
No fighting defensively
is when you are
taking
making an attack.
Okay. Right. It's along with an attack. You can cast defensively is When you are making an attack Okay, right It's along with an attack
You can cast defensively
But you have to roll a concentration check
Yeah, yeah, yeah
DC 17
I think she'll be busy with those three eagles
Galabras
Which
I'm going to
I'm going to move 30
And I'm going to cast
Aid
On Baron Ah, so you move 30, and I'm going to cast Aid on Baron.
Ah, so you move 30 feet.
Baron follows along.
Double move for Baron because he's a dwarf.
Single move for Calabros.
So Baron moves in initiative order, and he touches Baron for Aid.
And Baron gets eight temporary hit points.
Very cool.
Very cool.
And he gets plus one to, just to attack.
Right.
Round foe.
First things first.
The metal surrounding Galabras, Askaroth's armor.
This is brutal.
Burns him for three points of damage.
And, yeah, I would argue that would bypass DR but that's I don't
have to be our anyway I thought your DR with oh cuz you're not that's only one
act right just mine okay so three points of heat just and you feel it getting
hotter can you imagine just like you're wearing this heavy metal armor it just
doesn't it just doesn't matter though it doesn't matter like you just have to
survive it or die.
It's going to take you five minutes to take that armor off.
I know, I know.
You know what I mean?
I'm just freaking out.
Eagles!
The eagles are coming!
Just please kill this fucking woman before I die.
For her move, she takes a five-foot step back and casts Obscuring Mist,
filling the entire area with her and the eagles with a mist.
Just...
Guys can't see anything anymore.
You guys just see smoke in the background, and it is the eagles' turn.
They're going to try to attack.
Okay, so it's 20...
Yeah, they all move.
They all take five footsteps they
all get three attacks yeah and they all have 20% missed chance yeah so let's
log off for a bit we'll come back and roll you know what happens can they do
grapple me well you just roll see if all roll and see if the hits because she's
gonna be pretty hard hit anyways but any of the hits you were open so much about
it by the way if she has any damage resistance
that's bypassed by good.
Yeah.
So what is the bonus to hit?
Is it like plus two, plus three?
Three.
So 18 to hit?
Miss.
Yeah, so 19 or lower is always a miss.
Oh, critical threat.
Oh, daddy, daddy.
Daddy 20.
20 to confirm?
Does not confirm.
So fuck off.
Max damage.
Max damage.
But yeah, that's four damage.
Okay.
Roll for concealment now.
Oh, right.
Concealment.
All right.
So anything 21 or higher.
Yep.
It made it.
Okay.
So you have to roll a 19 or 20 on the die.
Yeah, that's crazy.
All right.
So that's the first.
That's Gary. Possibly, so that's the first. That's Gary.
Possibly.
Doug.
This is Doug.
21 to hit.
No.
21 hits?
It's a miss.
It's a miss.
I said 19 or 20 to possibly hit.
So you have to roll a natural 20 to hit.
And this is the third guy I can remember his name.
Gordon.
Gordon, yeah.
Gordon Lightfoot.
21 to hit.
Misses.
Misses.
Misses.
Okay.
Eagles come in.
Chua, chua, chua, chua, chua, chua.
Joe just threw a pen at Matthew.
I'm trying to help.
Not sure what that was all about.
Okay.
Now it is Galabras' toin.
Oh, wait, no, I'm sorry.
No, the eagles are in a different initiative order
so it's Lork's turn
Lork's turn
Lork has no idea
at this point
that she is
impossible to hit
so
he's going to keep
moving at her
sure
alright
and he's still more
he's still a double move
away
so he's going to
double move
as is
Barry Connick Jr.
so move on.
We're just keeping, we're running at the boss.
So you just keep moving, chugging along the room.
Oh, this is so fun.
Okay, Della.
Della's going to cast Grease on the square where she last saw it.
That will help with the AC.
Interesting. I love that accent. Now you cast it just on the square where you last saw it. Here we go. That will help with the AC. Interesting.
I love that accent.
Now you cast it just on the square where you last saw her.
Well, it's a 10-foot radius.
Or a 10-foot square.
Right, and you've got the range to cast it.
Yeah, I guess that's going to work.
And what is it, a reflex save?
For whatever reason, it's not telling me the DC.
It should just be DC 14.
This is a reflex save, right?
Well, what's your intelligence bonus?
Plus three.
Yes, so it's DC 14.
DC 14.
I mean, I rolled a 12 on the die.
Okay.
So she doesn't fall as far as you know.
But that whole area is greased,
so mark it as such on the map
so we all know what's sticky.
The eagles fall from the sky.
Grease. Okay.
Greasing it up. Shades of
Gormley with crowd control
over there. Alright.
Galabras. Talk to me.
Talk dirty to me. I'm gonna
move up behind
Lork.
Okay. And give him a bit of luck.
Move up behind Lork. Give him a bit of luck. Move up behind Lork.
Give him a bit of luck.
How many feet was that?
30.
All right, I'll move up on my own.
Baron, you're up.
I move 20 feet closer.
And I can't...
It's just a big mist hole.
You can't target her, yeah.
Okay.
Round five.
Shitballs.
Oh, standard action.
Total defense.
Okay.
The armor of Uscroth gets blindingly searingly hot.
And Galabros takes five points of damage.
Getting worse.
Sizzling, cooking him.
You guys smell burnt flesh
from behind you.
Yeah, so just to give you
some perspective,
I love that spell for
you cast that on somebody's sword.
Does the same thing.
It's super hot.
They take damage
if they keep holding it
and you just watch them drop it.
It's awesome.
Okay.
To move through grease,
I've got to roll another reflex save.
Yeah, just one time, yeah.
And if I make it, then I'm... Then you're free of're free of the grease free of the grease oh yeah uh 14 on the die
actually I'm sorry no it is an acrobatics check I move through the grease okay well I rolled a 14
okay uh okay so she moves to no she's got to do it twice if she's moving in that direction
here here yeah two acrobatics Now, if her acrobatics alone
is like plus 10 or plus 12,
you probably won't have to roll.
And that's half speed
when you walk through the grease.
Yeah.
Correct.
If you make the acrobatics.
Is this going to be
a standard action?
I think it's DC 15,
isn't it?
The acrobatics?
It says DC 10 on my...
Oh, yeah, DC 10.
So it's pretty easy to beat.
Same as before.
She's going to stay in the grease
and just take the five foot step.
Okay.
Okay, so she'll have to roll
another acrobatics check next round
to try and get out of it.
Baron. Does that incur
an attack of opportunity from the eagles? Not for a five foot step.
No, right.
Baron, roll a
fortitude save.
Spell. Yes.
Nice.
23.
Alright, you seem to be alright
and it is
the eagle's turn
let the eagle soar
okay
so only a natural
20 hits
so
you should have named him
glenn fry
joe walsh
and uh
nope
the actual eagle
actually oh yeah
I'm sorry
a 19 might be a 22
so we'll check that
alright uh
gary misses on his
doug uh come on doug d alright Gary misses on his Doug
come on Doug
Doug E
misses on his three
get a 20 bro
and Gordon misses on his three
let it be known
even though the Eagles
aren't doing damage
it complicated things
oh no 100%
it makes her
she's tight
yeah pins her in
okay
ah ah ah
I was clawing and biting at her
feathers everywhere so what is that three rounds for them two rounds for them they have five rounds of life third round okay Yeah, pins are in. Okay. Ah, ah, ah! I was clawing and biting at her.
Feathers everywhere.
So is that three rounds for them?
Two rounds for them?
They have five rounds of life, right?
This is their third round.
Okay.
So two more rounds.
No, one more round.
Oh, because you're a fourth level cleric.
You and your fight are bullshit!
No!
Lork, you're up.
This is a very strange situation.
He's running into, he's in a mist now.
He's in a fog.
He starts to move forward.
What he sees is an eagle at eye level and, and grease on the ground.
Or you could, yeah.
It's an easy acrobatics check to get in there.
Yeah, but there's an eagle on the space.
So it's like.
It's flying up high. It's flying, it's above you.
Well, it's attacking her in melee.
I mean, how do you want to handle it?
Can he go under the eagle?
Uh, yeah, I don't see why not. You're going to have to walk through grease. But yeah, the eagle's above you. Well, it's attacking her in melee. I mean, how do you want to handle it? Can he go under the eagle? Yeah, I don't see why not.
You're going to have to walk through grease.
But yeah, the eagle is above her.
You know what?
God.
I just, I can't, I have a hard time seeing him doing it.
He's looking down at like a puddle of grease and he still can't see her.
Right.
Why is he going to walk into a puddle of grease?
He can't see her.
He doesn't know she's, I guess he can't.
You also don't even know there's grease there.
I think.
Well, you can see grease.
Yeah, I guess.
If you want to make me do a perception check to see it or not...
All right, I'm going to try to step carefully into the grease.
DC10 acrobatics check.
I have a minus one.
So, Lork is going to try to move carefully into the grease and fails.
So he fucking falls.
So Lork wipes out on that first step.
So Lork is now laying prone
In front of Iwika
Right in front of her
But at least now that you're five feet away
You can see her
Yeah I can see her
This bitch
Oh sorry
I didn't mean that
I'm sorry
Barry
Barry Connick Jr.
Barry is following along
But he
Lork fell in front of him
Boom
And he's got nowhere to go
Okay You can go Those eagles are in the of him. Boom! And he's got nowhere to go.
Okay.
You can go, those eagles are in the air, so he can go underneath them if he wants to.
Well, Lork is right there, and this is actually a hill right to her left.
Oh, I, okay.
Yeah, it's like a whole hill to her left.
So she's squeezed into a tiny five-foot spot between the wall of the room and a 50-foot mound.
And Lork just fell right in front of her in this tiny little alley.
That mound is taller? Yes. It's 50 feet up. 50 feet up. And Barry is right behind Lork just fell right in front of her in this tiny little alley. That mound is taller?
Yes.
It's 50 feet up. 50 feet up, and Barry is right behind Lork.
Lipscuring mist?
I didn't cast it.
No, but do you have dispel or counterspell?
No, probably not.
It's a third level spell.
Just checking.
All right.
Lork, as you wipe out to the ground,
you can see through the mist
that Iwiga doesn't look like
Iwiga looked before.
Iwiga looks like this.
Oh!
She looks like a humpbacked hag.
With glowing red eyes.
Check out the Tumblr for that amazing
artwork. That's great.
She's got like glowing
green hag
with like bones in her hair.
And she's got a humpback on her back
that looks like a mountain range.
And she is standing right above Lork.
It looks like she has prehensile feet too.
She's gross.
Super gross.
Troy doesn't know what prehensile means.
That's what Nightcrawler has in the X-Men.
I know what prehensile is.
I'll kill you so fast
Yeah
Alright
You actually might
Della
Della Reese
Can I attempt to
If I run
Can I attempt to make
An acrobatics check
To jump from mound to mound
Or is that
Yeah
That's fun
Sure
We'll make it a DC-12
Acrobatics check
Okay
So basically I want to get to the edge.
I want to get as far as I can up onto the treasure mound.
Ah, okay.
Well, remember, you're going to move at half speed.
Yeah, so I jump across.
Make it across if you can DC 12.
If not, you will fall 30 feet.
Oh, I like this, Stella.
Come on, buddy.
This is bold. Oh, boy. When, Della. Come on, buddy. This is bold.
Oh, boy.
When Matthew's nervous, he drops die.
18.
18, you just...
You guys see Della just...
Boom.
Does a front flip.
Yeah, front flip.
Lands on the next one.
Dervish stands.
Scimitar out.
Not flaming right now.
Now, what's your movement speed?
30 feet, I see.
30 feet.
Yeah, I mean, that would be your round. Well, I want's it with a double move that's as far as i can get yeah
oh no not as far you can get to the edge all right great don't move okay as far as i can
okay dokay and it is now galabras's turn guys don't seem as nervous as you did before
oh no we're just resigned to our fate yeah there's a big there's a difference it's
you stop being nervous and you start being cold and calculating once you know.
It's like there's no way out.
I'm going to move up next to Lork.
Give him a bit of luck.
Yeah, I'm sorry I blew that last one.
Love it.
Next to Lork, bit of luck again.
Baron.
Baron is all alone in the back of the room.
Baron's going to double move up into the mound that Della is on and be behind her.
There's got to be double because it's 30 feet up.
Yep.
Okay, so right there.
Yep.
That should get you right to there.
We're all crowding into the back of the room around this amazing treasure chest.
I know.
I want to see what's in it.
Round six.
The armor continues to burn.
Five points of heat damage just boiling alive.
Calabras!
We hardly knew ye.
Actually, we knew you very well.
We didn't ever hear that great backstory, though.
Yeah.
We got to hear that.
Hopefully it'll come out as a director's cut.
Okay.
Lork.
Well, let me, I got to roll my acrobatics check
unless I want to.
Oh man, this die is amazing.
So she gets out of the grease
and Lork, roll a fortitude save.
All right, come on, Lork, don't die, please.
Come on, buddy.
This is my best.
Roll twice.
Oh yeah, good call
Thank God
Thank God for that
Uh, 17
17
Rolled a 3 and a 10
And my 3 was the one I rolled before you said bit of luck
You made it
Yeah
Oh, man
I love you so much
Wow
Skid
Wow
Okay That was a killer move That was killer I love you so much. Wow. Skid. Wow! Okay.
That was a killer move.
That was killer.
Skid was key.
It is now Lork's turn.
Praise Desna.
Lork, you are on the ground,
surrounded by eagles,
covered in grease.
It's like the scene of a sad oil spill.
I am certain that is the first time
that sentence has ever been spoken
in the history of the English language.
Yeah, I mean, that's why you need that.
What is it?
The D&D out of context?
Like, that's the perfect example.
It's really a huge shame that Skid can't N.A. Chuck into Apache Chief and do a public service announcement as a Native American against oil spills.
That's right.
One tear rolling down my cheek.
Okay.
What you going to do, Lork and Barry Connick Jr.?
I mean, I want to get up.
I'm actually trying to read the grease spell to see how it works.
I think I can get up for free.
There's nothing in the spell about getting up.
I think it's moving out of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, standing up is a... Oh, yeah, yeah you know you get to read grease yeah well i have bit of luck
though i had never rolled bit of luck on the acrobatics check that was stupid i thought it
was just attack rolls oh yeah i'm sorry about that point i didn't think of it either all right um
i don't see anything if anybody else sees anything let, let me know. I'll write a fucking We Are Stupid.
I'm getting up for free, and then I'm moving out.
Moving out!
You're gonna try to move out.
I'm gonna move one space.
Let's see.
Acrobatics check.
Natty 20 and a 4.
Yeah!
So you move forward through the grease.
Yes, one space to adjacent to her.
You are five feet away from this vicious hag.
Yeah, and I swing my falchion.
Here we go.
Roll twice.
Come on, baby.
Natty 19!
Yeah!
Critical threat with the foul.
Critical threat.
Roll twice to confirm.
Oh my god, I rolled twice to confirm!
Wow. This is awesome. Very huge
Alright come on
Come on
Come on buddy
Bitch
Here we go
Oh my god
I rolled two 18s
That is a
Confirmed
Confirmed crit
Confirmed crit
Falchion
Oh shit
I want a bunch of balls
Wide open Normal damage And provokes Attack of opportunities do-do-do-do oh shit I want a bunch of balls wide open
normal damage
and provokes
attack of opportunities
from all threatening opponents
oh
there's none
the eagle
the eagle
there's one eagle
threatening
natural 20
still
uh
no
damn it
damn
no roll the damage
how about a little bonus damage
come on
1d6
nah
alright you fuck alright uh Damn. Mel, roll the damage. How about a little bonus damage? Come on. 1d6. Nah. All right.
All right.
17 points of damage.
Whoa.
Big old blow.
Okay.
Then it is going to be
Barry Connick Jr.'s turn.
Ladies and gentlemen. right yeah I mean he's not gonna do any anything else other than move oh shit I didn't roll
concealment ah yes you need to roll within five feet feet? Yep. If you're not within five
feet, you can't roll. Shit!
Sorry, I lost the die here. I got it.
40. Okay.
So at least that crit hit.
Barry is going to, I think he's a little bit less
intelligent, so he's going to move right into the grease.
He'll do his natural acrobatics
and he makes it, so he doesn't fall, but he's right behind
Lork. Okay, so tentatively, tentatively, Barry goes through the grease
And I'm sorry, please give your guy two hit points back
I'm sorry, four hit points back
Because that was, that damage is wrong
Okay
I was basing it on the rage from before
I appreciate that
Okay, it is now Della's turn
Della courageously jumped from mound to mound.
All right, so tell me how this is going to work.
I basically want to run up and get into the square beside her.
I can go on the ground underneath the eagles,
or is that part of the mound with the treasure chest?
These two mounds, according to your map, touch,
but one's 20 feet higher,
so can she just clamber up it without an acrobatics check?
Do you want to get on the mound above her?
I want to be on the side near her, and I want to
swing into the square next to her and just start
hacking at her.
This square here
is going to be bad. Or underneath the eagle.
Just make up something. Yeah, you can get into
that square, but you're going to take a minus 2 to your AC.
Yeah, because it's squeezing.
Can I get into the one underneath the eagle?
That's on the mound.
And it's not
greased, really.
So these eagles are flying above them.
That square you're talking about is a mound.
So can I get there with a move?
Or would I have to double move?
Well, let's see. You're going to move
20 feet up and over. It would probably be a double
move to even get to that spot.
On that mound.
Looking down at her.
And how can I?
Are you going to jump across again?
There's no jump on the map.
You can say it's a jump.
That's fine.
I see what you're saying.
Yeah.
The mounds are basically connected.
So now it's another 20 feet.
It's just another 20 feet up.
20 feet up.
Got to clamber up.
Five feet across.
Actually, if you can move 25 feet.
But couldn't she just, wouldn't she not have to climb if she just skirted along the side of the mound at the same altitude?
Yeah, I could say that.
So that's what I want.
With a move action or a double move?
You tell me.
That's fine.
One move action.
How can you move 40 feet?
Or 30 feet?
30 feet, yeah.
30 feet?
Sure.
Great.
As I'm going, as a swift action, I'm going to light my old scimitar on fire.
Son of a gun.
And I'm going to get there and I'm going to roll.
And do, add a plus one to your roll.
I think she'd get a plus one. Because you are on higher ground.
Because you're on higher ground than her. Is that just for ranged attacks
or is that for roll? No. Okay. It's just for melee.
Actually, it's for both attacks. Because
for example, from horseback,
you get a plus one. So like, you're basically at
horse height on a side of a mound
swinging down at her. That makes sense.
Alright, I'll allow it.
Flaming scimitar. Come on!
Dervish dance. Hit this crazy green
hag. Oh, Matthew, you're the
worst.
Spoiler alert, I looked at the die.
It missed. Thirteen.
Thirteen missed.
Galabras.rous well let me
roll the
concealment
doesn't matter
doesn't matter
miss it
yeah
zero
what does it
matter
zoom
uh
i'm gonna
climb up
behind
um
della and
give her a
bit of luck
ah
see that's
where it needs
to go
love this
guy
and it is
baron's turn.
Baron's going to move 20 feet closer
to just try to get within striking distance of her next round.
Okay, so Baron is clambering around the hill.
Round seven.
I can double move. It's easier.
The eagle's disappeared.
There's a lot of
space for him to go.
There's not a lot of room for Baron to get there.
Presumably he would have to take the same route.
How big is the
treasure chest? Is it comically large or is it like a small
treasure chest? It's more than five feet.
Tall. Oh, tall?
No, it's about
three feet off the ground.
You can stand on the treasure chest. That's what I you can stand right... Stand me on that treasure chest.
You can stand on the treasure chest.
Oh, that's what I've always wanted.
So Baron is standing on the treasure chest.
Yeah.
Okay, round seven.
Galabras, your metal continues to heat.
You take another four points of damage.
You are searing.
Is this doing any effective damage, like these
little chunks, four or five? I mean, Galabras isn't
obviously...
I wasn't injured coming in.
Yeah, that helped. That helped big time.
Okay. And then...
And then...
Now that we've all
grouped together.
Fireball.
What do we want to do
here? Oh, wow.
Everybody's in the room. The eagles have disappeared.
Glenn Frey, Joe Walsh,
and the other guy.
R.I.P., by the way.
Joe Walsh died? No, I'm kidding.
Okay, what should we
do? What should we do?
I've got two options.
She goes invisible.
Is that a spell? We should have glitter
glistered. It is a at-will
ability. Doesn't matter.
If it works like the spell ability.
Like the spell invisibility. Right.
So she will take a five-foot step and go invisible.
She goes invisible.
This
hag. Sounds like a great move for She goes invisible This hag
Sounds like a great move for
Mary and Barry
No Barry Connick Jr.
True true
It is Lork and Barry Connick Jr.'s turn
Let Barry
Sniff her out
Okay so
I mean she just took us one step away from Lork
And got out of his reach
Basically, she was within his reach for an attack of opportunity
But you had a mound there
It's very tight
I see what you're saying
And maybe she had a little cover
So, can't take an attack of opportunity
Fine by me
I want to step right into that little gap.
Not where she went, but one step near it in the corner.
And just swing.
And just swing.
Yeah.
Hoping she's still there.
50% mischance.
Go for it.
All right.
So he steps in, takes a swing.
23 to hit.
Now roll 50% mischance.
50% mischance missed on the concealment.
Okay.
You swing away.
Not quite sure what happened.
Barry Connick Jr.
He senses that she is still back there somewhere.
Yeah.
He'll take another step in the grease and...
Damn it.
Why did it have to be a medium roll?
Acrobatics plus zero, 11.
So that's a fall, right?
That is a fall.
I think it was DC 15.
No, it's DC 10.
DC 10.
Okay, rolled an 11.
He makes his way through.
Nice.
All right, Della.
Della's going to shout,
eyes, and cast Glitter Dust.
Oh, Della!
Okay.
Right down in front of Lorkmaster.
Yep.
Alright. I'm sure you guys worked out
that DC 15 will soon.
We have five hours of
picking power. Also, I cast it
in their presence before, so
it would stand to reason that they would ask.
That's true.
It's up to you. Always up to you.
Yeah, we'll allow it this time. Cool. I don't think that's how the spell works. It's true. That's true. It's up to you. Yeah. Always up to you. Yeah.
We'll allow it this time.
Cool.
I don't think that's how the spell works.
It's magic.
I don't think you can just close your eyes, but let's go with it.
Everything I read was like, take glitter dust and make sure your party knows when you're casting it.
I mean, it makes sense.
She passes, so she's not blind. But sure enough, she is outlined.
Right in the square where Lork swung?
No, she's trying to squeeze through.
Oh, okay, so she got it.
And if you notice, I replaced her pawn with a hag.
Oh, yeah.
Very clever.
So even if he got the concealment, he still would have missed,
because she wasn't in the square.
Good to know.
Glitter dust.
Glitter dust to the rescue again.
And now it is Galabras' turn
Unless Della is moving
I will take a five foot step
What does that mean?
You're on a very steep slope
I'll move into the square next to me so I'm in melee with her
Oh you're going to move there
So that provokes if she wants to swing
Okay
She will attempt to claw.
27.
Yeah, actually.
Oh, my God.
Holy crap.
Roll a fortitude save.
Oh, my God.
That was stupid if I ever did.
16.
You take nine points of damage, and you're all right with a 16.
I'm very stressed out.
The skin of your translucent skin.
All right, go, Everest.
I move up and give Biddle Luck to Baron.
Mr. Biddle Luck.
Those are going to be running low soon, too, guys.
You all know this.
Make them count.
Baron.
Can I target her now or no?
With Glitter Dust and Obscuring Mist, I know it's...
There's still Obscuring...
Oh, you know what?
She has to roll Concealment for that.
Everything is going to be Concealment.
You need...
You can't target her with a ranged spell if she has Concealment.
Unless I move five feet towards her and right next to her where I know where she is, right?
You're on a hill, so you're 50 feet up.
Oh, motherfucker.
Yeah.
You've got...
Where can I move...
Can I move anywhere in which I can target her on this...
89 on the Concealment concealment I mean that's such a
Fucking
It's obscuring mist
Tell me how you can shoot
Into a cloud of obscuring mist
And hit her
You can shoot
Into the five foot square
You know she's in
You know where she is
You can see
It's this glittering dust
I thought you couldn't
Shoot into some
Space where someone
Has concealment
Am I wrong on that?
You can always shoot
in a square you think they're in
at a 50% concealment.
Okay.
But she's visible and, oh yeah,
so it's 50%. Because if you're more
than five feet away, it's 50%.
She's also coated in
glittering dust. Like, I don't know. Right.
But I mean, the mist is the mist. Yeah, it doesn't matter. So it's 50% don't know. Right, but the mist is the mist.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
So it's 50% mist chance.
Sure, but you're 50 feet up.
So that's two range increments,
so that's minus four against regular AC,
and that's it.
Okay, try it.
And thank you.
Oh, and then minus four because she's in melee with Della.
Minus eight to hit and 50% mist chance.
This is going to cause
me to misfire. I know it. Yeah.
Yeah. You can't because
you got the bit of luck. Yeah, you have to roll.
So this is minus
eight. Minus eight. Yeah.
You just need to roll on Natty 20.
Roll it. I'm going to rapid shot.
Yeah, do it. Of course.
My last. It's mathematically a
better move. Of course it is.
With a bit of luck always.
My last two fire bullets.
Okay.
Oh.
That's a 10, not a 20.
I need to roll that.
So that is a minus eight.
That is a 19 to hit against regular AC.
Miss.
Second attack.
Nope.
No, that is a
20
against regular AC. Miss.
She's brutal.
Brutal. She is.
I'm swift action reload
regular bullets out of
fire bullets.
Okay. I'm good.
I'm glad you got to do something
instead of me stifling you.
Round eight.
Galabras takes four points
of more
heating metal damage.
And you realize at this point...
God, that's gonna be
so uncomfortable.
No, I'm literally
cooking alive
in such strong armor.
It stinks.
It stinks over there.
Okay.
She is caught
between a rock
and a hard place.
She's covered in glitter dust.
You guys have definitely made your presence known.
She is going to make two claw attacks at Gormley.
First attack.
No, she's not.
I'm not Gormley, I'm sorry.
I look at you and I see Gormley.
You're just like opening the wound and pouring salt in it.
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
29 to hit.
Yep.
This is a really powerful melee end caster character.
Yeah, seriously.
You take eight points of damage and roll a fortitude save.
This is her first attack.
I made it.
17 on the deck.
Second attack, 20-something.
Okay.
No, excuse me, 33.
What?
Oh, well, in that case.
You take another eight points of damage
and roll another Fortitude save.
All right.
I think Lork is going to range with this shit.
Eight.
No.
You feel unnaturally weak
after that second claw hits
and you lose two points of strength.
Two points of strength damage.
That was coming straight at Lork until Della snuck in there.
All right.
It is now Lork's turn.
Lork, Della jumped right in front of you.
This young woman, another child under your charge, perhaps. Who knows
how this relationship is going to work out. She just
jumped in front of you to protect
you. What do you do?
Lork is going to
he can't
get to her. So Lork is going to hold
his action, but he's going to say
to Della,
dispel this grace! And he's going to say to Della, Dispel
this grease! And he's going
to move around the other
side, but he doesn't want to risk
it if he doesn't have to. So he's going to ready an action.
If she dispels the grease, he's going to
double move around to try to flank
the enemy on the other side.
If she can't dispel the grease, which is totally
fine if you feel you can't,
then he's not going to act this round.
Okay.
Because he can't get to her.
Like, Del is between him and the target.
What does dispelling the grease take?
Standard action.
Standard action?
Yeah.
So you don't have to do it, but that's what Lork is doing.
I'm just saying.
Actually, I mean, he can't do anything.
He can't get to her.
Sure, sure.
What about Barry Connick Jr.?
The same.
He says,
Just tell us this.
Della,
dispel that grease.
Skibbity boop.
Hey.
Skibbity doop doop da.
I'll get you a Cosmo.
I didn't roll.
I should roll her concealment.
She made it.
I mean, she has this thing called blind fight
which makes it
almost impossible
for her to miss
in concealment
because she gets to re-roll
if she fails a concealment
yeah yeah yeah
that's a feat
that I actually thought
about having
Barry Connick Jr. take
considering all the
recent blindness
sure sure
oh yeah
as an animal
you can take blind fight
which is
you know it makes sense
animals are very ferocious
and they can smell and like...
Alright, it is Della's turn.
Matthew, what are you gonna
do?
What are you gonna do?
Della.
He's gonna...
Try to grapple the hag?
Sure, okay.
I assume at this point you're looking up the rules for casting Cure Light Wounds on Lork? try to grapple the hag? Sure. Okay, roll a few.
I assume at this point you're looking up the rules for casting Cure Light Wounds on Lork.
Are you badly hurt?
I'm ready.
Yes, I'm pretty hurt.
All right, talk to me, Della.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What?
Della is going to cast Shocking Grasp on her scimitar.
Okay. So I'm going to roll Shocking Grasp on her scimitar. Okay.
So I'm going to roll a concentration check.
I think this is the coolest, coolest thing about the mages,
is you channel a spell through your blade.
I just think it's so cool.
That doesn't provoke, does it?
You know, I don't know.
I really don't.
Because it's spell combat.
No, I think it might.
I think spell combat, I think, gives you a bonus to the concentration check to cast it.
I think you get a bonus like combat casting.
I have combat casting as well.
Oh, so you get a plus four to the concentration check.
So it's five plus your intelligence modifier plus four.
And you're going to get 15 plus double the spell level.
Yeah, I have the rating.
But it still provokes.
It provokes regardless?
Because you're casting a spell.
I mean, you're casting a spell.
Whenever you're casting a spell, it provokes.
No, if you're casting defensively,
like it's 15 plus...
Double the spell level.
Right, then you can...
If you succeed, then you do not...
No, 100%.
But what he's saying is
he doesn't think he has to roll at all.
No, I definitely have to roll a concentration check.
Oh, okay.
If you fail that, you provoke.
Or you lose the spell.
I think you just lose the spell.
If he passes, he does not provoke.
100%.
That's what concentration?
Yeah, but if he fails.
He loses the spell.
If he fails, he provokes an attack of opportunity in casting the spell.
He then has to roll a concentration check of, I think it's 10 plus the damage dealt.
And if he gets through that, he doesn't lose the spell.
I mean, I think that.
This will be a fun article.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, so roll the concentration.
We'll play it through this way.
But you get a bonus to it as a mage.
So you get a bonus to melee combat casting.
I have combat, yeah.
I have combat casting.
Right.
Natural one. Fuck me. Oh, no. a major so you get a bonus to melee combat casting so I have come again like comic casting so natural one she whips her hand out at you and to claw you 24
to hit yep roll a fortitude save how
much damage nine points of Jesus so it's
just now I don't know that this is in the rules,
but I think you should allow him to roll a DC 19
to still cast the spell.
I passed the fortune save.
What'd you get?
21.
Okay, you're good.
No more strength damage.
And now what is the question?
Now, is he going to lose the spell?
Yeah, is he going to lose the spell?
I think he should be able to power through it.
Yeah, yeah. Unless he loses the spell think he should be able to power through it. Yeah, yeah.
Unless he loses the spell, he should be able to still cast it.
Like, he took the attack of opportunity.
If he can...
He didn't, yeah.
So I think he should be able to roll a combat concentration check.
If it's over DC 19 now, I think he should be able to cast the spell.
13.
Yeah, he failed anyway.
So he lost the spell, but you can still attack.
All right. Just a regular swing. Regular swing. Change failed anyway. So he lost the spell, but you can still attack. Alright. Just a regular
swing. Regular swing. Change my die.
But he lost the spell for the day. That's huge!
That's what I'm saying. Give him a second roll.
No, I hear you. I just don't know what the actual rules are.
The rules are very complicated. Flaming Scimitar.
Flaming
Sim.
Natural 1. Oh no!
3 in this combat. Oh no!
And 2 in a row, by the way. Oh my lord. If you strike yourself in this combat. Oh no! And two in a row,
by the way. Oh my lord.
If you strike yourself with this, it could be it.
Matthew's fear. I've never seen
Matthew angry.
You eat dirt. You fall prone
and are blinded for 1d3 rounds.
Oh my god!
Fortitude negates.
What was the attack roll?
It's gotta be the attack roll. Yeah, the DC is the...
Last time it was...
It's a totally different thing from...
Last time the DC was the confirmation roll for critting.
So on a fumble...
Roll it.
I'll tell you if you're blind.
Four to two.
Yeah, eight.
You're blind.
Four.
One D3.
For two rounds. You're blind for two. One D3. For two rounds.
You're blind for two rounds.
Are you on the ground, too?
And prone.
Blind and prone.
Blind for two rounds.
Minus four to AC.
Me.
Wow.
I thought the tide was turning.
Now you are laying on the ground.
Hold on a second.
Listening.
Her attack of opportunity.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
I forgot you said she has blind fight so it's
she does not have to roll concealment
within the mist.
The boss. Yeah. Oh my god.
I mean she does but she's gonna make it.
I'm rolling twice. No you gotta roll twice.
Yeah if I fail she gets a free re-roll. That's what
blind fight is. Pretty cool feat.
Galabras. I'm saying you have to
roll it right now like you
did not point to damage to him hit it right okay uh 86 okay so yeah um i am going to cast command
uh let's give it a shot and say fall and you don't have to have line of sight, right? No. You can just...
Okay.
What is that, a will save?
Yep, DC 14 will save.
It would be great if one of us had a bottle cap to give him,
but considering the economy is so scarce.
It is an automatic pass for her.
So just boom, command.
And you still see her standing there
you can kind of make out in the mist 10 feet away
the green hag
Baron
old Baron
same thing 50%
sure minus well I guess if he's
laying on the ground
if Della's laying on the ground
she's no longer in melee combat
so you don't get the minus 4
you just get the minus four.
You just get the minus four for the increment.
But it's minus three.
Plus one for the... Right, so minus three to your roll.
That is a nine to hit.
He looks so excited.
Yeah!
Ooh, so that is a 17 to hit.
That is a miss.
Let me roll concealment.
No, stop it.
Round nine.
God, she is.
Galabras keeps cooking.
Five points of damage.
Oscross armor could be forever bound.
She squeezes through one space,
squeezes through another,
and begins walking around.
And you guys know, maybe you don't know at home,
for anyone to get to her,
you're going to have to walk through two grease spaces.
But she walks over to there.
She's no longer in the mist, though.
Yeah, she's out.
She's out. She is longer in the mist, though. Yeah, she's out. She's out.
She is out of the mist.
Okay.
Let me see what we're going to do.
For the record,
I just rolled just for the hell of it.
If Shocking Grasp would have worked
and I had actually hit her,
that would have been 27 points of damage.
Oh, Jesus.
That would have been bad news for her.
Troy is such a hateful, hateful person.
So she double moves out of the room,
and that is what she's going to do.
Not out of the room, excuse me,
out of that shitty back of the room.
Baron is standing on top of the treasure chest
with Galabras next to him,
and Barry Connick Jr. is in the grease,
but not fallen, Lork in front of him
and Della laying on the
ground blind. And it is now
Lork's turn. If you hold on. Dismiss
the grease! He says again
and then holds. And it's
Barry Connick Jr. is going to hold. Yes.
And Della's turn. Della
dismisses the grease and then
tries to stand up. And doesn't stand up.
And Lork will immediately
act
okay
yeah he double moves
he's trying to track her
so he's running parallel
along the room
on the other side of the mounds
while she is
yeah he
Lork just got out of the mist too
but she's on the other side
of a mound
oh you just want to
you want to get to the door maybe
who knows
how long does glitter dust last
a while
okay minutes per level I would imagine one round The door, maybe. Who knows? How long does Glitter Dust last? A while. Okay.
Minutes per level, I would imagine.
One round per level.
Oh, God.
Five rounds.
Five rounds.
Right, so there's two rounds left.
Okay, I think that's good.
That's good compromise.
So there's, yeah.
And that doesn't include this round.
Two more rounds.
Okay, it is Galabras' turn.
I'm going to move as far as I can towards her,
and I'm going to cast as far as I can towards her, and I'm going to cast Summon Monster 1.
Okay, so Galabras moves down as much as he can
to the bottom of the hill.
He was there, and he casts Summon,
begins casting Summon Monster 1.
Baron, you are standing on top of a church.
Baron's going to move 20 feet towards the lower mound,
I guess, hop down.
I can jump off of there and do an acrobatics check,
I'm sure, to move 10, 15 feet.
Is that really a double move?
What do you want to do?
You want to double move?
I want to move 10 feet towards the edge
and jump down 20 feet.
It's 50 feet.
Oh, 50 feet.
Yeah, that last mound is 50 feet tall.
All right, so I'll still be 10 feet off the ground from there.
Okay, so Baron starts moving down,
and it is round nine.
She continues double moving along the wall.
So she is now pretty much on the other side of the room,
and it is Della's turn.
Still blind, but you are now standing up, right?
You stood up last round.
You are in the far, far back of the room.
So can I just move, based on where the mound is,
can I assume that I can move along the wall?
Yeah.
I'll double move.
Yeah, just feeling your way along the wall.
You've got to make an acrobatics check
to move more than half your speed.
Oh, right.
Because you're blind.
23.
You did it.
Move 60.
But you're blindly moving, just moving along the wall. Yeah, she got the wall, though. So she can just hold her hand along the wall. Okay, so you're just feeling the wall. Move it it. Move 60. But you're blindly moving, just moving along the wall.
Yeah, she got the wall, though.
So she can't hold her hand
along the wall.
Move it along.
Okay.
Lork.
Lork is going to clamber up
the mound right in front of him
that's kind of in the center
of the room.
And he's going to quick draw his bow.
Ah, okay.
And he's going to wait for her
to kind of pop out somewhere.
And then he's going to fire.
Barry Connick Jr.
He follows Lurk up the hill.
Okay.
And it is Galabras' turn.
You have summoned a creature.
35 feet away, I'm going to summon a celestial dog.
Oh, nice.
What is this little critter's name?
Laddie.
What breed?
He is a German Shepherd.
Purebred?
No, he's a Border Collie.
Purebred or Shelter?
He's three quarters Border Collie and quarter German Shepherd.
Okay.
So Shelter.
Shelter.
I was going to say, you still haven't answered the question. And he's a rescue.
Oh, that's so much better.
So. Because you know all dogs go to heaven.
He also is going to have immunity to disease.
Yeah.
Perfect.
And he's going to move as fast as he can towards this lovely young lady.
Right, a dog?
It doesn't even link to it in the thing.
They're fast.
Yeah, they're pretty fast.
Okay, and now Galabras gets an inch.
And I'm going to double move towards her.
Okay.
Baron.
Baron's going to get down the last 10 feet
and move another 30 feet.
Okay.
Round 10.
We are chasing this woman, this thing, to the back of the room.
She starts to the back, she goes to the other end.
She then...
I love it, I honestly, I love it.
Galabros takes seven points of damage,
the highest...
Oh, shit.
The metal just...
Burnt flesh.
And this is the last round of Glitter Dust.
Also, Nadella's no longer blinded.
And Nadella's no longer blinded.
See, everybody wins.
Now, Iwiga is now on the other side of the room,
15 feet away from a celestial duke.
What does she want to do?
If she casts Invisibility on herself one more time,
I'm going to slit your throat in your sleep.
No, I won't.
I won't.
Is this the last round of glitter dust or it's
You said what I say two more more rounds after that last so this is the last round so this is the last round
But it does will disappear at the end of Della's turn
Okay, she is going to go up the mound one side and down the other nope
Nope when she gets to the top lork fires at Ah, okay. She's stopping mid-action.
Go ahead.
If that's cool with you, he was very close to that mound.
Right now, she's only moved.
If he moves up, if you say this is definitely 30 feet, then he can't shoot.
If it was 20 feet, he can shoot.
What do you mean?
I mean, he moved up and was ready in action to shoot if he saw her.
He was like five foot away from the mound.
If this little mound is 30 feet high,
then he would have to double move to get up there.
And so he can't ready the action to shoot.
But I just like the image of him going up there
and waiting for her to show herself.
Well, look at the way the mound is shaped.
You know what I mean?
You're not going to get a bonus to hit,
but you're on the side of the mound,
and there's an opening there.
See what I mean?
Yeah.
And she's on the top, so you're just aiming up.
Yeah.
I don't know if she gets a bonus to race,
see how that works, but you can try to hit her.
So shoot once.
A quick shot with the old black arrow longbow.
Jack Sparrow, the black arrow.
Here we go.
How about a little natty 20?
What do you say, Lor?
I'm for it.
Let's give us a natty 20.
Natural one.
I saw it from here.
Natural. Jeepers. How saw it from here. Natural.
Jeepers, Lord.
How many fumbles have we had in this combat?
Honestly, man.
And the one before.
Fumble Ruski.
Oh, my word.
I feel like Troy put us all.
We need to start confirming fumbles.
Crumbles.
Sixth round.
It's kind of a crumble.
Sixth round.
Sixth level, rather.
Oh, this is rough, you know? It's cool, though. Oh, this is rough.
It's cool, though.
Phantom Wind.
You compensate for a breeze that isn't there.
You take a minus two penalty on ranged attack rolls for three rounds.
Which sucks, because I was just like, you know what I'm going to do?
Considering how awful she is at melee range, I was like, I'm going to shoot this woman.
Like the old days.
And now I take a minus two to all the attacks.
It is cool, though.
In a place like this, it's like phantom wind.
Something is like off.
So what happened to you?
You take a?
I take a minus two for three rounds on ranged attacks.
Oof.
All right, so now you've halted her movement in the middle of her movement.
No, she keeps going.
I just fire.
Oh, and now she's not going to double move. If you're going to attack her, she's middle of her movement. No, she keeps going. I just fire. But now she's not going to double move.
If you're going to attack her, she's going to attack you.
She
spits from her
mouth this black
ball that comes flying at you.
Ranged.
Let me see if it's ranged
touch. I think it's just ranged attack.
Yep, just ranged attack, not ranged touch.
Okay.
Oh, yeah. Oh, not ranged touch. Okay. Oh, yeah.
Oh, she hits you.
Well over 20.
Here's what's going to happen.
You take
nine points
of fire damage
and you get covered in
hot, sticky tar.
Minus two to your dex for three rounds.
Minus two to your attacks.
Now, because of your fumble, and minus two to dex.
Covered in tar.
Not all attacks, just range.
Excuse me, just, yeah.
And his AC's going to go down as well.
And that is her turn.
Della.
Dude, just so we're clear this character has high level spell
casting spell resistance frequently hits over 30 on melee attacks and does over 10 damage over 20
on ranged attacks it literally makes it's the most unbalanced thing for an individual character
you know what i mean like you're good at some things you're not good at others like there's
nothing she's not good at.
She's really well built.
Oh, and her AC is like 23 or something.
I'll put her stat block on Tumblr.
It's crazy.
Maybe.
All right.
Hits you.
Covered in tar.
And that is similar to Galabras.
That damage is going to be continual.
Della, you can now see.
And Della's going to move
up onto the mound.
Okay. And cast magic missile.
So she's going to move up to the mound
right next to her?
Okay, so she's still like two mounds away.
No, the mound ahead of me.
Oh, I see. So you're now fighting mound to mound!
I love this. Lork is
like halfway up one mound, just
firing arrows.
Iwiga shot a tar ball at lork and nailed her and now you climbed up another mound and you're going to shoot magic
missiles so i'm actually going to use spell recall which is a fourth level magus ability so i'm
spending in our my last arcane pool point to recall a spell i've cast today awesome and then i'm
casting it again i hope it gets through her her spell resist. I guess I should roll that first.
What die should I roll? I've literally
fumbled on all of them.
Natural 19.
Alright, it passes through.
Talk to me about damage.
Oh.
11 damage.
11 damage.
Not two.
Lork. Iron Tus ones. Not two. Two ones. Shabay. Lork.
Iron Tusk.
Hurton.
Hurton, bro.
I moved in the initiative order when I took that shot.
Oh, I'm sorry.
So you, yeah, now you're up there.
Okay.
Barry Connick Jr.
He's with me.
Okay, he stayed with you.
Galabras.
Can I get up the, can I get within melee of her?
Yeah, you can get up there.
You can get up there.
I'm going to two-handed
swing my hammer.
24.
That hits. Hey, an attack hit or
a melee attack?
Nine.
Nine damage.
She is fucked.
Does it look like it hurt her?
It looked like it really hurt her.
All right, good.
Okay.
Maybe that's her one weakness is low hit points.
Because everything else is so powerful.
She's got it in spades.
Baron.
With Pythagorean theorem, which is often cited on this show,
I really need to be on top of a mound to get good shots at her.
So I'm going to skitter up the top of the mound
right next to me and move to the edge of it.
So that should be 30 to get up there,
and I get 10 more feet once I'm up there.
Okay, and are you doing anything?
That was double move.
Double move, okay.
Round 11, perhaps.
I'm doing my best.
Lost the rounds.
Max damage for the heated metal
Eight points of damage
Continues to burn
What do you have left?
I've got three left
Holy farts
So that just lasts forever?
Is that how that works?
She uses an extended magic wand
What else does she have?
I have one of those too
I have a magic snake that lives in my trousers extended magic wand. What else does she have?
I have one of those too. I have a magic snake that lives in my
trousers that gives me an automatic
18 points of healing every time
someone makes up some bullshit again.
So ridiculous.
Alright, Lork, you
moved in the initiative order, so it is your turn.
And Barry Connick Jr.
Okay, Lork
is going to
he's going to
rapid shot at her.
Okay.
Miss. Miss.
Barry Connick Jr.
Very hard to hit her now.
I command him to stay.
Okay. She goes invisible.
Provokes. Unless she rolls the five foot Okay. She goes invisible. Provokes.
Unless she rolls the constant.
Five foot step and she goes invisible.
All right.
You win this round.
Della.
Well, fuck.
She's gone.
She's gone.
She's gone.
She's gone.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
To the devil, to a red blazer, she's gone oh why oh why to the devil to the red
blizzard
she's gone
Della is going
to
drink a
potion of
cure light
wounds
Galabras
that's very
smart
what else am I
gonna do
that's a great
turn
yeah I'm gonna
use the wand
on myself
there you go
buddy
does the dog
have scent
yep
that's why
I summed it
12 points to me awesome huge Does the dog have scent? Yep. Okay. That's why I summed it.
12 points to me.
Awesome.
Huge.
That is huge.
And, yeah, the dog.
So it's a move action to know the direction.
Within how many feet?
30 feet.
30 feet.
I mean, he senses that it's still on top of the mound somewhere.
All right, so then it's a move action to a, well, whatever. So he moves, closes with her.
Then he just closes.
He closes.
Okay, so he starts going up the mound.
How does it work?
It's a move action to sheath or draw a weapon?
It's a move action to sheath a weapon.
You can draw a weapon as part of a move action.
You can do either as part of a move action.
All right, so after Della drank the potion,
she sheathed her...
No, she didn't.
It's flaming.
Never mind.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah, it burns!
This was a horrible mistake!
This dog has more than 30 feet of move speed.
Yeah, the dog can move 40 feet.
So does it know where it is now?
It doesn't matter, though.
We just don't know.
Yeah, it just knows the direction.
But if it gets within five feet of it, it knows exactly where it is. But if it gets within five feet gets within sense it'll know exactly it's not going to attack it or anything no but
then we would know where it is if it knows where it is right it's gonna start
barking it's okay sure Baron did it bark in a space no there's a two-foot gap
between this mound and that mound according to how the map is drawn, I'm going to hop over. Okay, roll an acrobatics check.
That's a 35 acrobatics check.
Okay.
He, like, clicks his heels five times.
He does a triple lutz over to the other mound.
The five-foot step you took backwards before you get invisible,
I'm going to shoot into that square.
Okay.
Then 50% consumer see what uh-huh
nope that's a fucking 14 against touch AC kills the dog you'll never smell again
touch a see the roll oh I'm sorry touch AC I forgot actually a 15 against such
AC but that's fine Roll for concealment 57
Alright it hits
As far as you can tell
6 points of damage
Okay round 11
Galabras
You feel the metal is starting to cool down
But it still does 7 points of damage
And by cooling down it's just slightly less hot.
Hot, hot, hot. And it is now
Lork and Barry Levinson's
turn.
Barry Connix Jr.
Lork will fire into the square
where he last saw her before she vanished.
Wait, you would have seen
Grant shoot, and you would have
seen the bullet stop.
That is so absurd Matthew
you wouldn't see blood fly out of this invisible
space in the air I think you have
you see a dog stopping
at her at her space
I'm shooting into the same square that Grant shot it
that's why that's what I'm saying
triangulate it's called triangulation
uh
19 to hit miss
and miss two misses Barry Connick Jr stop it 19 to hit. Miss.
And miss.
Two misses.
Barry Connick Jr.? Stop it.
Okay.
It's her turn, and, I mean, she is, as far as you can tell, she's gone.
The dog senses that she left.
Oh, thank God, she's gone.
Woo!
Now we can just open that chest.
Without a problem.
Get all the free stuff.
I do think that we should go to the chest because I think that's what she wants.
It is what she wants.
Yeah, that's true.
We should head to the chest.
Della, do you want to guard the door with me or no?
Should we go to the chest?
I think if she's gone, she's gone.
I think we should go.
I think we should stick together.
All right, let's stick together.
That's probably smart.
I think Del, why don't you charge out the doors?
Follow.
We'll go to the chest.
That's hilarious.
Fuck you all.
I can't see.
We would definitely stand there with our weapons armed for a while.
For a couple rounds.
While this is happening, I'm going to be healing.
Yeah.
I'm going to get a wand. wand there you go do you want me
to come down help you get out of your armor no it's it's off did it fade out yeah you take one
more point of heat damage but you can just heal it back eventually the spell goes away it's a spell
the last 13 rounds with the 13 extended metamagic wand more More than a round. I would have loved to have killed her to get that wand.
She's got lots of good stuff.
I wish we had discovered her earlier.
Because, I mean, it would have been an awful combat,
but maybe not in this awful room.
And then...
The room was tough.
I actually, I agree with Joe in terms of...
A lot of times in Pathfinder,
especially at higher levels,
when if you move, you can't do multiple attacks.
People just kind of stand in place like endlessly because they don't want to
give up their multiple.
Yeah.
This one definitely used the room and start on one side of the room,
got to the other side of the room,
came back to the other side of the room.
Um,
let's go to the chest.
Yeah.
I mean,
if like,
well,
like we said,
couple rounds armed,
ready to wait and nothing attacks you
nothing's happening
yeah you guys are sitting there
bow
is she there
is she there
is she there
and nothing attacks you
there's that awful
I think it's pretty pointless
to chase her out the door
I think she's got
here's the thing
and Lork will say this
and you would agree
you've been saying this
Baron
who's you
Baron
you've been saying this
she has this self-preservation thing she didn't come in here before because she couldn't fight these things so she used us to kill
these other things and then she was going to try to take advantage of us when we were weak my actual
fear is now that she is invisible right behind the chest and will try to knock us out because
she wants what's then let her knock us out my point is my point is that i think she fled because
she realized like right she fucked with the wrong crew.
And she's going to try to stay alive for another 200 years.
So let her.
Who cares?
She might try to get us later, but the important thing is to get these items.
If we get what's in this chest.
I agree.
I totally agree.
We'll kill her in one round.
We can heal.
We can get our spells back.
Especially because of the plus one falchion that's in there.
If there is anything you can.
Guaranteed.
All right.
So what are you going to do?
We're going to move.
If nothing happens for a few rounds, we're going to move to the chest.
You move slowly, cautiously to the chest.
No, Lurk leaves his weapons behind.
Blighted Lurk.
Right.
Closes his eyes.
Takes off his armor.
Removes his armor.
All right, you go over to the chest.
Who is doing what?
Is it locked? Are you trying to open it? No, I go over to the chest. Who is doing what? Is it locked?
Are you trying to open it?
No, I'm trying to look.
I'm trying to do a perception check to see if it's locked,
because I can open it with a spell.
Roll a perception check.
14.
Not sure.
All right, Lork is going to...
There's no visible lock, is what you're saying.
There's not a big lock on the outside.
Correct.
Lork is going to try to jiggle it.
Wait, I can open it with a...
Stop it.
I can open it with a spell.
Lork doesn't listen to 17-year-old girls.
He tries to open it.
Lork tries to open it.
It's locked.
Well, then I can't open it with a spell.
Baron would like to use, for the first time in this game the utility shot
oh shoot the lock blast lock if no one else has a better knock spell or anything else no
blast lock time baby everybody stand back stand back don't misfire the
the gunslinger makes an attack roll against a lock.
Simple lock has a plus 10 bonus.
Average lock is 15.
Good lock is 20.
And superior lock is 30.
Do you have that in your head?
AC.
The AC.
10, 20, or 30 for how difficult this particular lock is.
20.
Okay.
Against touch AC.
It has a break DC on it.
Could I have a bit of luck? Do you have any more?
Yeah, I'll give you a bit of luck.
That's my last one, I think.
Point blank shot.
This is amazing. This is how this works.
Good luck, Baron.
Don't miss.
Everybody stand back.
That is a 18.
Motherfucker!
17.
Couldn't get it.
Couldn't get it.
Shoots Lork in the foot.
That is a...
Lork would like to do a perception around the entire room for a fucking key.
Is the mist still there?
I know the mist dissipates.
Save it.
He doesn't find anything.
You find one of Baron's fishing lures.
They're riddled throughout this dungeon.
There it is.
But no key, no.
This is like a collectible in a video game.
Just pieces of Grant's fishing equipment.
I have a...
Lork has a Masterwork Light Flail.
He can try to smash it.
Try to smash it.
So it's going to have hardness and shit like that.
So it's an automatic.
I have all these stats.
Yep.
So you can.
Yeah.
But I got to get over the,
but he's,
so he's going to power attack.
Okay.
Well,
you got,
yeah,
you got to get that bonus.
There is a break DC and then there's hardness and hit points of everything.
Right.
So normally I wouldn't let this play out.
I'd say eventually you open it, but this is kind of fun.
Yeah, so with the power attack,
he does
14 points of damage on a hit.
Long story short,
you keep wailing at it with the flail.
By the second hit, it breaks open.
Okay.
The whole thing swings up.
And the chest is chest. Is empty.
Is empty.
Oh my God.
Fuck you guys.
We'll see you next week.
Oh God.
That was the worst ever.
What a colossal waste of time. Outro Music