The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 58 - How Della Got Her Groove Back

Episode Date: July 5, 2016

With Lorc nowhere to be seen, a hill giant and his band of murderous orcs spring a deadly trap on our unsuspecting heroes! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. This is gonna be fun. You know what? Let's roll initiative! It's hero time. Orc number four, standing right in front of Ingerhild. Swings his falchion. A bloody battle ensues. The giant swings the great club twice at Galabras. This is gonna be juicy.

And Della brings her A game. The orc that's fighting Angraheal goes, damn, fetchling. But a crucial moment. Oh, no. Six. No, Baron. Leaves a deadly opening. So now a couple things are going to happen.

Life-threatening combat is back. There we go! It comes back! Right now. I don't know about you, but I never get tired of that theme music. What's shaking, everybody? Troy LaValle here back again with another exciting episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast, or the GCP, as the kids are calling it. I don't know what kids. They really shouldn't be listening to this. But anyways, thank you for continuing to tune in every week, and especially for all your feedback,

whether it be via email, Twitter, Facebook, or chatting with us live when we broadcast on Twitch, or leaving comments on our new YouTube channel, it helps make the show so much better by having you interact directly with us in this little community that we're trying to build. Last week's episode, of course, was a very important one for the group. You know, I could be wrong, but I don't think character death happens too often

in most games, and where the party was in the middle of this treacherous mission when all that shit went down, they really didn't have proper time to mourn their fallen comrades. So I'm glad that we had an episode like we did last week so that they could appropriately give closure to these characters before moving on to Red Lake Fort. I actually got an email just today, a really great email,

titled Gormley's Heroic End by one of our listeners who goes by the name of Pegleg Pete. We'll call him Pete for short. I'm actually just reading this email because it blew me away. I was just finishing up a run, and I read this email, and it was very inspiring to me. So then I ran 10 more miles. No, I'm just kidding. I didn't. Pegleg Pete writes,

So when I was listening to episode 57, Pyre When Ready, a thought occurred to me. I'm not sure if anyone has pointed this out yet, but as the party was leaving the Chellish Devil, our beloved witch said the following to Rag. Gormley says, I guess this is goodbye for now, Rag. I guess so. Gormley, it's been, uh, glad you made it, Rag. I just wish we had some more time together. Gormley, well, stick around. I come back. I always come back. Oh! He says, when this exchange happened in the actual episode, I thought to myself, quote, you know, in the movie version, that means Gorms is gonna die. Sad as it was to lose her, from a story perspective, it is very, very satisfying to see that happen. I can only imagine

Rag pacing the deck of the ship, Howrex urging him to just move on, that the party must have been defeated, but the captain demanding that they stay just a little longer. Then days later, to see a group of shadows emerging from the fog. He would be unable to identify them right away, but he would be able to count the shapes and identify Della's female form and confuse her for Gormley. He might not even

notice the large shape Lork is carrying. As they come fully into view, the shock of seeing her dead body washes over him. It is such a powerful, dramatic image that it just burns itself into my memory as one of the high points of the entire campaign so far. I see that as a good thing. Character death should be dramatic. It should be powerful. It should be meaningful. The final conversation means it would have almost been disappointing if Gorms had made it back. If I had been reading it in a book or watching the movie, it would have seemed like the author was setting up a payoff that never came. Great email. Thank you for sending that in, Pete. And it's so true. You know, it's not that I want to encourage players to kill their characters or encourage DMs to go with heat-seeking missiles to kill your PCs,

but there's something to be said for not being too precious with them, because you can have amazing story moments like this. And I think that's really cool. What other game can you do that in, to have these amazing cathartic moments? That's not going to happen in Monopoly, or Life, or 5th Edition. We're having fun. Anyways, we got another crazy, crazy episode coming up. They are now on the fringe of Red Lake Fort, but there has been an ambush. Shit is about to go down.

Here it is, episode 58, How Della Got Her Groove Back. I don't like to be crass, but I really want you to all really, really imagine having an orc train run on you. Really picture it. That's how you don't want to be crass. Skid season, look at his face.

That's how you want to open your eyes. That's how I'm opening. I said I don't want to be crass. I didn't want to be crass, but the fans demand it. And now we you want to open it. That's how I'm opening. I said I don't want to be crass. I didn't want to be crass. But the fans demand it. And now we're going to give it to them. Gross. Oh, boy.

That was a fun ep last week. Just a lot of business. A lot of role play. A lot of story. Yeah, you guys found out some new information. I hope you told someone else. So when the six of you die, that story information won't be completely lost. Yeah, we're going to have to start playing Rag and all the half-orcs

coming in to look for us. The bumbling half-orcs. Okay, so four orcs come out of the brush. Lork, you did a great job ranging. It just, they're good. Yeah, he's been too many years behind the desk. Too many years behind the desk. It was a bold move.

And one, if it had worked, I was not planning on you doing that. So if it worked, I was going to have them maybe just encounter you and maybe keep the giant behind. And then you'd have four orcs. And what are you going to do? You have to surrender. Right. you going to do? You have to surrender. Right.

But instead, you are now 100-something yards away, and four twisted-nail orcs and a hill giant named Jort, you would assume, as they said, Yo, Jort! have now surrounded Baron, Tela, Calabras,

and Ingerhild. Can we get an image on the hill giant? What, what do they look like? How big are they as far as giants go? I'd say they're probably 12 feet tall. They look very rustic, like they're wearing just furs, barely covering their loins. Okay. This is a male hill giant.

I'll throw up an image on the Tumblr. But, you know, it's your classic hill giant. I'll throw up an image on the Tumblr. But, you know, it's your classic hill giant. And so he's not armed with anything but a giant rock? No, it has a, yeah, the image has a giant rock, but this one has a great club. Oh, Jesus. Just imagine getting hit with this great club. Yeah.

And it's, you know, it threatens, moving from 15 to 10 feet in, it's going to threaten. I can see Giant Galabras going toe-to-toe with this. That's going to be an interesting battle. I'm actually taller than it is. Oh, right. Because they're 10 feet tall, and I'm almost 12 feet tall. All right.

Yeah, I was just estimating 12. So Galabras now towering a little bit over the hill giant. No, he's two full giant heads taller. Two giant heads. It's true. The hill giant has kind of a warped head, so. He's not attractive per se. He's got a little Rocky Dennis thing going on, if we're being honest.

So now a couple things are going to happen. Lork is not even on the map. I have not even placed Lork and Barry Connix Jr. on the map. Because you are many feet away. Now, before we get into the combat, we've got to talk about the concept of running. Yeah, which we've never done, I don't think, on the show. So I looked it up.

We've moved. Skid, you want to just set Joe up for this? Nerd. Skid's got something plain to do. It is time for Nerdy. Running. Running. Running, probably the least nerdy thing we've talked about on this show.

Let's see, you know something Pathfinder players don't do? Run. So yeah, basically, as far as running goes, it's a full round action to run. It is, you can move up to four times your speed if you're wearing anything lighter than heavy armor. Which you are. Which I am. But my speed because of my armor is 20 feet, which means I'll be able to run 80 feet around.

So that's a long distance when you're talking about tactical combat that we're usually in. But when you're 100 yards away, that is not a lot of ground. And 80 feet, I did the math, it's 26.6 to infinity feet. Excuse me, 80, that doesn't make sense. 80. It's 26 yards6 to infinity feet. Excuse me, 80. That doesn't make sense. 80. It's 26 yards. 26 yards.

Thank you. 26-ish yards. 26 yards. So I'm thinking it'll take me roughly four rounds to get to them? Well, that's what I was thinking, too. And here's what I'm also thinking. They talked for a long time. And midway through the conversation conversation you heard the stomping.

Yes. So I will say, in the third round of combat, you will be on the map and in bow range. Okay. So on the third round of combat, you can move the complement of your speed onto the map anywhere you want to be. We've got to take a picture of this for the Tumblr

because it's kind of fantastic seeing the heroes flanked by four orcs and a hill giant and lork over there near Grant's Soda. So yeah, on the third round of combat you will be on the map. You heard this rumbling, you realize... So yeah, Lor turns around and he's like, Barry! Let's go! Starts running.

This is gonna be fun. You know what? Last episode was role-playing. Let's jump right into it. Let's roll initiative. I have a thing. I have a thing. Della.

Okay, before we roll for initiative, you know, we've had a couple of tough combats past few episodes. Yes, yes. Really tough ones. Mostly made worse by the fact that, you know, we rolled so poorly and Troy rolled, you know, a bunch of crits. So I have a little gift

for you all. I did a little... I went out into the world because we all know that Troy has a neon green die that only rolls 20s. Well, I went to the store that he bought his neon green die. Get out of here. Oh my god. Oh!

You all have my die! Four identical Troy dice. Neon Dice. Oh that's amazing! This is the best gift. Wow. Matthew, that's incredible. Now in the interest of full disclosure they didn't have four so one of them is orange but it's the same kind. You know what, you better give me that one.

I'll take the orange. You know how I like to do house rules? Let me just, I'll give you a preview of how next week's episode's gonna start. So I've changed the rules. No PCs are allowed to use neon dye. Alright, well, if that's going to even the odds, let's find out.

Please use your neon green dye to roll an initiative. Here we go. I hope this works. 20! I rolled a 20! Oh my god! You rolled a fucking 20! That's amazing! This is going to be awful. I love my new New Yorker 9.

I can't believe you rolled a 20 on the best one. Alright, who else is over 20? So, wait. Galabras, you're normally the lowest initiative. What do you got, a 20? 22. Anybody higher than that? Anybody higher than 17? I rolled a 3 on my new dollar.

14 for Lurk. 14 for the Lurk and Barry Connick Jr. Ingra Hild rolled a 15. Baron? 10. Baron, 10, and you got a huge initiative bonus. And Della? 10.

Della, 10. I'm assuming Baron's is higher than Della Yeah I rolled a two Okay Oh Okay Wait you said tens right Oh that's great

Okay Now at the end of last episode You flaming scimitard What is that a swift action I think it's I don't know What was that pre That was kind of pre combat wasn't it

Yeah We hadn't rolled initiative. That was kind of pre-combat, wasn't it? We hadn't rolled initiative yet. That was my response. Right, yeah, I guess that's fair. But that would mean you're acting in a surprise round. Yeah. You tell me how you want to play.

You just got to make a call. It's not a mover. This is all happening in the first round. So I'm letting you pre-call how you're starting your first round action. So Galabras winning a chuck, which is immediate, right? Yep. And Della, it's swift, right? Or move action to? I think it's swift,

but I'm checking. Okay. Galabras, you, my friend, are up. Okay. I'm gonna move, interpose myself between the giant and Baron, and give Baron a bit of luck. Oh, I fucking love you. Okay, stepping into that space would provoke, correct?

Yes. Yes, even though you're big, you're stepping into a space that he threatens up to 15 feet away. So you're drawing the ire of the hill giant. The hill giant swings his great club down 26. Yeah. Provoking happens even if they haven't acted yet.

Oh, no. Oh, right. That's a good call. Good call. Wow. You just saved us from some damage. 26 hit points of damage. Flat footed.

Okay, so Galaver steps up, gives Baron a bit of luck, and puts his body in between the giant and Baron. I love it. It is now the giant's turn. Thank you. The giant takes a five-foot step up and swings the great club twice at Galabras. This is going to be juicy. First attack, 24.

This thing, this thing is brutal, so it just hits Scalabrus for 19 points of damage. Second attack, just. 14 points of damage. Oh, that's right, yeah, bud! Oh, second attack, ooh, natty 19. This one does 17 points of damage. Ooh, 12 points of damage. 12 points of damage. Oh, 12 points of damage.

Man, DR is gonna be the best thing for a guy fighting a giant, so just boom, boom, steps up and is now toe to toe with Giant Galabras, possibly looking up at Giant Galabras. It is now Ingrahild's turn. Ingrahild, has her war axes out. The minute they started talking, she whipped them out. She comes up to the first orc and swings her dwarven war axe.

90-19. Yeah. That's not a crit threat, is it? No, she's 20 on the war axe. But she does 1d10 plus four damage. Nice. So she steps up to the orc on your far right, swings the War Axe, and does seven points of damage

to a guy we're gonna call Orc Four. You guys are aware of ferocity, right? Nah. Ugh, we'll deal with that later. But these guys are aware of ferocity, right? Nah. We'll deal with that later. But these guys are ferocious. Speaking of ferocious, Lork. So he covers 80 feet. 80 feet.

He is now two rounds away from the map. Yep. Barry Connors Jr. follows. We'll say he stays slightly behind, or is he? No, no, no. He moves at roughly my speed. Okay. He's right at your heels.

Yeah. I love it. I love it. A little exertion. Actually, listen to this. Running for the fighter. And I hear the giant in the background. Yeah. So this forest has marble floors?

Yeah, I know. There's not a lot of options for terrain, I don't think. It's like a walkway. Baron, you are up. Baron is going to take a bit of luck. Three attacks. Five foot step to the right of Galabras so that he can have line of sight on the giant. It'll still take his minus four to hit.

Oh, you're going to shoot at the giant. Okay. Yep. All right. That leaves Della. I saw this guy take massive hits and he giant. Okay. Yep. All right. That leaves Della. I saw this guy take massive hits, and he helped me out. Sure. All right.

So now you're going to roll twice for every attack. And I am rapid shotting, so I have three attacks. Minus four. Make it happen. Oh, God. It's a funeral. 19. So that is a 23 against touch AC.

That is a hit. Oh wait, is it? Yeah, it is touch. I was like, it's not flat footed. Doesn't matter. It's a gun. These are all going to hit. That is plus 9. 16 points of damage. Nice.

Hits the giant right in his stomach. This is insane. Second attack. Oh, my God. Just avoided a misfire. On both die. Two and a three. No, the two misfires, but the three doesn't.

Oh, that's right. You're rolling twice. Taking the better. Man, bit of luck with this is going to be just insane. Nice. Okay, so that is a 17 against Touch AC. That hits. That is 19 points of damage.

Nice. Oh, my God. The first one comes off. The second one flies off to the side. You look at your gun like, shit, that almost misfired. The third one, boom, hits him right in the chest. Yeah. And you did a total of 35 points of damage.

Brutal! Thank you, Gal. It is now Della's turn. What kind of armor are the orcs wearing? They are wearing orc armor. It looks like studded leather. Della is going to cast Mirror Image.

Excellent. So Della is going to cast Mirror Image. Excellent. Oh, so Della goes into a, what we'll call a defensive stance. Cast Mirror Image on herself? Yeah. Okay, so there's just multiple images of her come up? I'm rolling for it, it's 1d4. One.

All right, so there's Della and one other image. So now every time someone attacks Della, I roll to see if it hits Della or if it destroys the mirror image. Yes. It's good when you have multiple mirror images. Oh, man. Yes, it is good.

But one is a great start. And then she'll step up to the orc and the next thing will... All right. Who we're going to call Orc 3. It is now the Orc's turn. Let me just check their movement. Oh, yeah.

All right. Bum, bum, bum, bum. This guy comes right up on Baron's grill, rushing at him with a falchion. Goes to power attack. Old Barry misses. Nice. That's hilarious.

Okay, let's see here. This guy. Provokes. Also comes up. Provokes for me. This guy isn't great for radio. Orc number two ferociously rushes up, provokes from Galabras. They're not very smart.

18 to hit. They're foolhardy in battle. Hits. Yes. There you go. 11 points of damage. 11 points of damage. Clang with the.

And then he swings. He will also power attack swing at Baron. 22 to hit. That's a hit. Hits with the falchion, not without taking some damage himself. You can definitely, that's his first attack? Yeah, this is the second guy that came up. Hits Baron with the falchion, 13 points of damage.

I thought you couldn't attack after being hit by an attack of opportunity. Am I incorrect? Yeah, you're incorrect. And now the next one attacks Della. And he says, a falchion for a fetchling. He used your derogatory name. Power attack. Natural 20.

Oh my god! Sorry, Matthew. I'm sorry. Wait. Roll a 50% mischance. Oh my god! Sorry, Matthew. I'm sorry. Wait. Roll a 50% mischance. Oh! Oh man, he's just going to crit the mirror image. I will roll this in front of everyone.

So we'll say 51 or higher hits you, and 50 or lower hits the mirror image. The image. Damn it. 83. 83. Confirmed. So rolling to confirm, but it's a natural 20, Damn it. 83. Confirmed.

So rolling to confirm, but it's a natural 20, so it will do max 16. Misses. All right, so it's just going to be max damage. Is that all? Which is 14 points of damage. Oh, that was not that bad. Not that bad. Could have been worse.

Could have been worse. Orc number four standing right in front of Ingrahild. Swings his falchion and misses Ingrahild. And that is the end of round one. No one has died. And the image is still alive. And the image is still standing. And the image is still standing. Galabros, round two.

Giant Galabro. You've got Baron behind you firing bullets in your ear. And you're toe-to-toe with the giant. You see Baron is also being accosted by two orcs and then it seems like Della and Ingraheld have the situation under control and Lork the coward that he is, is nowhere to be found. Oh damn it

Lork! Galabras, Desna, at your back. What do you do? I'm going I'm gonna swing the hammer buskrod at this giant again. E-nay smush. Roll the one Dice I rolled them all the board off that cushion it always rolls more than it should Fucking service to put this damn ice tray. I hate it so much

All right. yeah, so. So the old. Is it a named character? Galabras the nameless. Our cleric minion. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, shit. Fumbolina.

Fumbolina. You don't have a bottle cap, do you? Oh, fuck. Parry, dodge, spin, thrust. You are dazed for one round. So that's another round completely out of combat Yep So just like Dazed, which is

Can you take a move or you can't do anything? You can't do anything Alright, so Galabras is That's what happened to Lork in the Uyghur fight He was like, he just got Galabras dazed in round three This guy The giant Jort the Magnificent Galabras dazed in round three. This guy, the giant, Jort the Magnificent,

swings twice at Galabras. First attack, 21. Does a 21 hit you, Skid? Oh, sorry, yes. Oh, boy. Hits Calabrus for 24 points of damage. Oh, man. And then the second attack with the old club, Natty 18.

Hits Calabrus, not as bad this time, 15 points of damage. I am down. Calabrus is down? Wait, no, I have one hit point left. Holy mother of jort. Oh, man. So this guy in 12 seconds just boom, boom, boom, boom with a great

club at Calabrus. Calabrus is teetering. Lork, you make one more thing of progress. His knee's hurting. It's starting to act up. He's trying to get back. Desperate.

Okay, and Barry Connick Jr. falling at your heels. Baron, you see this go down. You've fought alongside Galabras long enough to know when he's in bad shape, and he's extra magnified now being large. You see it in his eyes. I'm going to hope that I can run an interference and keep the orcs on me,

but take a five-foot step diagonally away from the orc that's immediately threatening me, and I'm going to... Three steps. He's kind of on par now with Giant Galabras to his left, and the hill giant right in front of Galabras. I'm going to do a Daring Axe, and I am going to...

No, I'm just going to do non-rapid shot, because there's a great chance I'll miss that way, but I'll have a better chance of hitting twice this way. Okay. Okay. And first one. That is a 22 to hit against... 22 hits.

Ooh. That is 18 points of damage. Nice. 22 hits. Ooh. That is 18 points of damage. Nice. 18 points of damage. I will tell you this. It is not impossible for you to kill it in this round

if all three hit. I'm doing it too. Is he shooting at the hill giant? Yes. Okay. It's minus four, but as it gets touched,

you'd have to basically misfire the mist. This is my second round, and I'm going to get up close and deadly. You son of a bitch. That is a nine against touch AC. That just barely hits. Oh, wow. That is 15 points of damage.

15 points of damage for a total of 33 points of damage. And it is still standing. Della, you hear battle behind you. You're face to face with an orc and your mirror image. Ingrid Hilditcher, right, fighting another orc. You guys are both toe to toe. You see two orcs and your mirror image. Ingra held at your right, fighting another orc. You guys are both toe-to-toe. You see two orcs ran up on Baron. One is fighting,

the hill giant's fighting giant Calabras. Lork nowhere in sight. What do you do? Spell combat. Shocking grasp. You slip a gun! And then I'll take a swing with the flaming scimitar. Yes! Okay. So I take a minus two. With your plus one flaming scimitar.

That would be a 15 to hit 15 just barely I'm gonna it's gonna take me a minute to roll the damage. I hope you got I hope you got it I got a minute. You should pre-roll damage before you come. I know seriously So regular damage. That's eight regular. Okay. Six fire. Nice.

Amazing. And now I do 5d6 of shocking burst damage. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Wow, you could kill him below his con if you do... Above average. 18 shocking grasp. 18 shocking grasp uh wait a second folks wait a second

he's doing Matt keeping me in suspense matter I could see him scribbling away. 32 points of damage. He's well below zero, but he is still alive. Oh! Still alive. You just did so much massive damage to this guy.

He is at minus 11 right now. Oh, man! That was one hit. Boom! One hit. So was that, so you hit him with the sword, and then with your other hand, you shock and grasp him?

No, spell strike goes through the sword. Oh, cool, yeah. That's awesome. So I did the sword damage, the flaming damage from the sword. And the electricity. And the electricity. Oh, that is so badass. The orc that's fighting Ingra Hill goes, damn, fetchling.

Jesus Christ. And I'll take a five-foot step back. Five-foot step back. Come to me, saying to the orc. And I whip the scimitar around. Do a little postmodern scimitar whipping. All right, this time I'm going to start with orc four all the way to orc one.

So orc four is the one that is fighting Ingrahild. Let me clarify, twisted nail orc four. Sw way to orc one. So orc four is the one that is fighting Ingra Hild. Let me clarify. Twisted nail orc four. Swings his falchion at Ingra Hild. Power attack and hits her. Hits her with the old P attack. 14 points of damage to Ingra Hild. Dang.

Ingra Hild is pretty hardy, but that definitely hurt her. The other one takes a five-foot step up to Della and swings at Della and her mirror image. If you're all 90, 20, I'm leaving. 19. My AC is 19. AC 19. 50% mischance 19 50% mischance

50% mischance So 50 or higher hits? 51 or higher hits Miss! Oh wait, was that a 1? It's a 1! So the mirror image is destroyed And you don't take what would have been

12 points of damage Imagine if you had three of those. Yeah, imagine. Damn, my crappy dice rolling. And I'll tell you what. Oh, no, that's okay. Good, good. Now the other two continue their pursuit of Baron.

I'm playing hard to get, boys. Come and get me. You know what happens? One of them comes up to Baron. The other one goes to... Provokes from Calabria. Yeah, provokes from me. No, he's down.

Oh, no, he's up. I'm dazed. Yeah, he's dazed. So one of them comes up on Baron. The other one goes to flank Della. Okay, so Orc 1 swings at Baron. Natty 19, which is a critical threat on a falchion. Yes, it is.

You sounded way too excited about that, Joe. Joe just loves battles. Well, I just love when a falchion does well. I spend so much time with it. It's not automatic max if it doesn't confirm, but if it does confirm, let's see. You're more attached to a type of weapon than your own teammate.

18 to confirm. let's see. You're more attached to a type of weapon than your own teammate. 18 to confirm. Not a hit. All right, so just a hit. And not max damage. Not a hit, just a, I mean, not a crit, just a hit. Oh boy, 15 points of damage. The other guy flanking Della.

They did give you fair warning about this, right? The other guy flanking Della. They did give you fair warning about this, right? The other guy flanking Della. Natty won. There we go. It comes back. Fumble. See, the game has a good way of balancing itself out. This is a slashing weapon.

This guy, for some reason, thought it would be best to break away from the gunslinger. I ain't going near that magic handbanger. I'll take out the chick and then have my way with her. Melee, winded, you are exhausted. Oh, nice. Fortitude negates, but we don't know the DC

for a fumble. But you know what? He's exhausted. Okay. Orcs are pretty fortuitous, but I'm just going to say he is. What is exhausted? Half speed, minus six to strength and dex. So he put all his strength into it. So that, yeah, he put all of his strength into that attack.

Missed. He's exhausted. He can do nothing but take a full hour of rest. Yeah. It's his only option. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, minus six strength, minus six dex. Joke's on you.

He's an orc cleric. So he can still attack. He's just going to do, he's going to be a lot harder. Minus three to hit, minus three to damage. Minus three to hit, minus three to damage. And minus three to AC. Yeah, he is in rough, rough shape. And that was orc number one.

Round three, Galabras standing in front of Jort. Jort swings his great club at Galabras, who's sitting there with one HP. Oh. 14. That's a miss Standing there Completely immobile

I'm Galabras Like wow I wonder what Afterlife's gonna look like Second swing Oh fuck I forgot this Are you using that

Neon green die again Neon green die Why doesn't he move To flank Baron The second Clearly this day's character Is too hard of a target. When Galabras falls, he'll step up and attack Baron.

Second attack. Lowered, obviously, to hit. Another 14. There we go. There we go. All right. You know what that is? That is Desna.

I was just going to say. That is Desna. That is Desna shining upon you. Deflected. This is like in Pulp Fiction when they're like, all the fires, the guns. Did you see that gun? It was bigger than him.

So he should be dead right now. Days will end now, right? Yeah. He's no longer dazed. Now he's no longer dazed. And now it is Ingrahild's turn. Ingrahild, the heat of battle, steps up, fucking misses. Oh, wait.

She can do four attacks. Misses the first attack uh 18 hits on the second attack uh this is the third attack and hits on the fourth attack so she does uh

dwarven war axe hits once and the uh the masterwork hand axe hits once, and the Masterwork Hand Axe hits once. And she does three points of damage with the Hand Axe, and fucking eight points of damage with the War Axe. So 11 points of damage knocks the orc to zero. Nice. Had she hit that one before?

I'm so confused here. I'm out of my mind. I've lost all my paperwork. Orcs and cats. Oh, wait. That orc... She's had that before. Yeah, no, it's not. It is just... It's not at zero. She does a

beating on that orc. Lork, you are now on the board. I'm on the board, right? It's round three. Round three, you're on the board. Oh, I love it. Okay. So you are... So as he was running, he's running with his bow because he's just like, as soon as I can get into range, I'm going to take a shot. And he comes up. He sees the situation. He sees Galabras sort of wavering in front of this giant.

Yeah, Mortal Kombat style. And he's just like, he hates giants, and he's just gonna be he's just gonna shoot the giant. Yeah. Shoot the giant from a thousand feet away with Galabras standing there? Yep. Okay. You remember a little thing called Precise

Shot that I got? Oh! Yeah! No penalty to the roll, plus four, because it's a giant. Now, does it get a bonus to its AC, because Giant Galabras is standing in the way? Oh, I forgot it's his giant. Yeah, he gets a bonus to AC. That would totally undo the favorite enemy. Just have to ask.

Shit. Well, you know what I said. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the risk. Too bad you couldn't tie Barry Connick Jr. to an arrow and just fire Barry Connick Jr. Right. No, you know what? Actually,

I am going to change because he's giant. It doesn't make any sense. The giant would be behind him. I wouldn't have a shot. Also, Gloggers is taller. There's a couple orcs that are fighting Ingrahild and Della with their backs to me, and I will fire at the one that Della hit before. Okay. Looks a little bit more hurt, and I'm just going to

take one shot here. The one closer to you, not the one that moved up to flank and became exhausted. Right, the one closer to me. Okay. With its back to me, I'll try the new neon green die. See if we can't get a hit here. Wasted your hands. Yeah.

17 to hit. 17 hits. All right. Beautiful. Four. Six points of damage. Six points of damage. Six points of damage. Nice.

Okay. Lork's coming, baby. Is he doing it? And he tells Barry Connick Jr., attack. Go, Barry! Yeah, and so he'll do a double move. Double move up towards the ones that are fighting Ingerhild and Della. Baron, you're up.

You're seeing all this go down. You have a chance to possibly kill this giant, but you've got an orc right up your ass. Baron does a little bit of a shuffle off to the diagonal away from the orc. Shuffle and a kerfuffle. And decides to attempt to end this giant's life. And you're still within touch AC range on the...

Yeah, it's 20 feet. 20 feet, yep. Steps to the side. And this is a big shot. This is just two shots. Two shots. No, I'm going to rapid shot. Fuck that. Yeah, it's 20 feet. 20 feet, yep. Steps to the side. This is a big shot. This is just two shots. Two shots. No, I'm going to rapid shot.

Fuck that. Yeah, do it. Fuck that. Bring it down. 16 against Touch AC. Hit. Yes. Ooh. 16 points of damage.

All right. Still standing, but it looks like it's going to fall. It's teetering, Baron. Don't misfire! Not a misfire. A miss, but not a misfire. So this roll is at negative one. This roll is at negative?

Because of the melee combat. Because of the melee combat. The last one for rapid shot has a chance to kill him. Oh, no! Six against touch? Yes. No! Oh fuck. Well.

Jeepers, Calabrus will have one swing. There used to be hope. To fell it. Unless. He might heal himself too. Strip. Yeah. Jeepers. I will tell you right now, metagaming, the hill giant has one hit point.

Oh, shit! Why don't... Delia, you're up. You're surrounded by orcs. One to right directly in front of you, one directly behind you, flanking. No mirror image. What do you do?

What do you do, young fetchling? Did Glarus take his turn this round? Yes. He was dazed. He was dazed. Okay. And you're confused. Am I?

Am I? Clearly. So the exhausted orc is... The one behind you. The one behind me. He hasn't taken damage yet, right? The exhausted orc has not taken

a single point of damage. Okay. Spell combat, I'm going to swing first at the orc that I... that I... Already attacked. ...fucked up,

and then that the orc also, you know, did stuff to. Right about... It's a 16 to hit. 16 hits. Yes. All right. Cut him down

Woo 15 points of damage Yeah Wow 15 points of damage Nice job Dead? Uh no

What's his con? Wait is this the one This is the one that you did He did like 30 points of damage to Below zero Oh that's the one you did Yeah Oh I'm sorry

I thought you were talking about The one who's exhausted Yeah You killed that orc Below zero orc. Oh, that's the one you did? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about the one who's exhausted and taking down. Yeah, you kill that orc. Yeah, one orc down. One orc down. Then Del is going to whirl around

and magic missile the other one. Holy shit. Well, you got a concentration. Oh, you can take a five foot step. I'll take the five foot step. Yeah, because you didn't move yet.

That's so badass. That's so badass. Do you want to hit the giant oh yeah I'll divert one missile at the giant oh so you can choose it which where the missus go that's so cool that is so smart so three throw so one magic missile for three damage goes at the giant and the giant giant dies. Yes! Just in slow motion. Thank you. Right past Galavris' dazed ear.

Well done, though. That was badass. Kills the giant. That was so badass. And the other two, nine points of damage against the exhausted guy. Nine points of damage against the exhausted guy. And it is now the orc's turn. Orc number four, the one that's toe to toe

with Ingrahild, who's already done 14 points of damage to her critical threat on Ingrahild. Rolls to confirm. Eighteens to confirm. She crits, or he crits, so it's not a named character, just double damage on old Ingrahild. This is not going to be good. Could be worse.

18 points of damage for Ingrahild. She's still standing. She is still standing. The one who's exhausted, who barely has any strength left, feebly steps up to Della and swings with his falchion. Minus three to hit. Minus three to hit. Minus three to damage. Minus three to hit, minus three to damage.

Damage. If it hits. Natural one. Oh, this guy is exhausted. This guy is, what? This is melee. He was up all night last night partying. Bad grip.

Your weapon deals non-lethal damage for the next three rounds. That is really, he keeps hitting with the side of the blade. All right. This is adding up perfectly. Orc went down. So there's one more orc. Well, no, there's one more orc that hasn't attacked.

He steps up and swings at Galabras. Swings at old Galabras. 16 to hit. Misses with the falchion. Talk about Desna. Oh my god. My heart is beating. Okay, it is Galabras' turn.

All right. You are toe to toe. I am going to channel. Yes! So that'll get Dala and Baron, and I can exclude... Can you get Ingrid? And Ingrid, yeah. Is Ingrid in there?

Yeah. Yes. Okay. 11 points of healing. Beautiful. Okay. Galabras heals. Jort, done.

It is Ingrahild's turn. Ingrahild rolls four times. Hit with the war axe. Hit again. Hit with the hand axe. And miss on the last one. So she's going to do significant damage to this orc Boom boom boom boom

Ingrahild hits the orc for 24 points of damage Nice And kills the orc Yes Ah there we go That orc did not have much left in it Now that's what two weaponweapon fighting will get you. Sweet.

All right, it is Lork's turn. All right, Lork. Show him you're a ranger, buddy. Yeah. Show him you're a black arrow. So there's two orcs up, right? Two orcs up. Yeah, only two orcs up.

All right. Lork is so far away. If you're looking at the map, but longbows, they've reached so far. So he is going to take three shots with rapid shot. All deadly aim. And he's going to try to take these guys out. Okay. So I'm going after the exhausted guy with the lowered AC.

That's right. That's two feeble warts. That's fighting with Della. Okay. My neon die is sitting on a natural 20. Happened to be sitting there so let's try that one. That's what they do. Alright, here we go. First shot. That's probably a miss. 13 to hit.

13 misses. Second shot. 23 to hit. 23 hits. This is the exhausted guy. 14 points of damage. Yeah! That puts him in the negative. Last shot. 14 points of damage. Yeah. There you go. That puts him in the negative. Last shot. No, that's a miss. Shit.

Mork. Doom, doom, doom. Barry closes the distance a little more. He's going to charge attack. Oh, he can get up in there. Charges at the feeble half orc. Yep. Orc.

Orc. Yeah. Twisted nail orc. Charges. Plus two to hit orc Charges plus two to hit Misses Plus two to hit Yeah Misses

Baron Now Galabras is sitting on Twelve hit points It's alright Barry He's a falchion crit away From going down What are you gonna do? I'm going to

Shoot him three times No twice Twice Cause he's not enormous And his touch AC Will be higher Yeah Good plan

That should do it That is Twenty two Twice, twice, because he's not enormous and his touch AC will be higher. Good plan. That should do it. That is a 22. 22. Well, it's actually an 18. Yeah, that hits. Oh! 17 points of damage.

17 points of damage! That was at max, right? Yeah. Yeah! 17 on the die. right? Yeah. Second one. Yeah! 17 on the die. Yeah, 16 against Touch AC. God. 16 hits. Beast of a ruler.

By the way, give yourself a grit point back because you took him below zero. Oh, yeah. Nice. I only have one grit point now. Sometimes one grit is all you need. 14 points of damage. 14 points of damage!

He is barely Standing He's the only orc left in the brigade He's gonna just bleed out He has like one move he can do And it is Della's turn Spell combat I'm gonna swing at the exhausted orc Nice job Baron

Yeah good job man Thank you 24 to hit 24 to hit Exhausted orcs first. Nice job, Baron. Yeah, good job, man. Thank you. 24 to hit. 24 to hit. Hits. 10 points of damage. 10 points of damage, and it dies.

Yeah! All right. This is the one Lorcan, right? Yeah. And then the other part of my spell combat. Now he can finally rest. Magic missile. Magic missile!

Nine points of damage. And the other finally rest. Magic missiles. Magic missiles! Nine points of damage. And the other one dies. Yeah! Woo! You sons of guns. Wow. Oh, man. Holy shit. Well, that was a combat and a half. Wow. That was a humdinger, dog. That really was. Woo!

I'm sure it's only going to get easier. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Just the ranging patrol. Woo! I'm sure it's only going to get easier oh yeah definitely just the ranging patrol sweating heart speeding nice of Lork to show up I was trying to do something I think it was really cool I was not prepared for that

and it definitely added an extra element to the combat really thought Galavris was a goner there but Desna saved him I mean it's just amazing that when you're dazed it doesn't lower your AC an extra element to the combat, really thought Galavris was a goner there. Yeah. But Desna saved him. I mean, it's just amazing that when you're dazed, it doesn't lower your AC. Yeah. That's huge.

I think that you can't, yeah, it is huge, yeah. It doesn't even, like, your dex bonus to your AC doesn't even get lowered. No, nothing. It's just that you can't act normally. You're like, you're a little confused maybe or something, but you're still like, you would defend yourself. Right, right.

I turn to Galavris, and I reach into my pouch, and I pull out a bottle with a butterfly drawn on it, covered in runic symbols. And I say, we used to drink a little bit too much of this, especially when we was young. This is a boulderhead buck just for you. Desna's Ale. This malty ale has a legendary thick, creamy head.

It creates a pleasant buzz and sense of euphoria that dull the effects of pain and concussions, granting the drinker a plus one alchemical bonus on saving throws to avoid becoming dazed, should have given you that advice, staggered or stunned, or against any effect with the pain descriptor

for one hour. Oh, that's awesome. And it gives you 1d6 temporary hit points that apply exclusively against non-lethal damage. In hindsight, it would have been perfect

for this battle. Multiple doses stack to a maximum of plus 5 and 20 hit points. Oh, nice. Thank you. Well, this won't be our last battle

like this one. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, won't be our last battle like this one. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Baron. I'm very badly hurt. Yeah, so Lork will run up to the group, double check. Everybody apologize that he missed it. He feels terrible.

One thing you did glean, Lork, from your time ranging ahead and in coming back and using your perception to look along the way is you would think that this is not the only patrol they have out here rounding the fort. So this is not a particularly safe place.

It's not like, let's just go hide in that bush and take a nap. So it looks like their patrols are moving through the brush as well as along paths? Moving through the brush, kind of ranging in whatever. Like circular patterns? Probably a most likely haphazard pattern walking around the fort. How many there are, you don't know.

But you definitely dispatched one. You bought yourself your time. But how long until the next patrol finds these bodies? How long until the next patrol comes up in this area? Or if at all? how long until the next patrol comes up in this area, or if at all. I'd like to, after searching their bodies, use our survival skills to hide the bodies as best we can.

I don't think we'll be able to hide the giant. That sounds ridiculous. Chop it up. But I don't know. You could burn it. I guess the fire would be huge. Yeah, you don't light fires in wartime, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I don't think there's much we can do.

I appreciate the idea, but I think that... The giant really throws the whole thing off. Yeah. Yeah. You said you wanted to search them? Please. Yes. You know what we could do? We could pull the orcs' bodies into the brush,

take their falchions, and stab all their falchions into the giant and just leave his body there. Let's frame him. Like a band of orcs turned on one and then deserted and ran off. And we can start a civil war. Yeah, great idea.

I like this idea. That is very, very interesting. What if we started planting seeds of a civil war? That would be pretty great. That can only help. This alliance is terrible. Tenuous. It has to be tenuous at best.

So we can do anything to destabilize it. Yeah. Yeah, we can leave one orc body like smashed with a great club and then leave

the great club in its hands and then have the falchion sticking in the hill giant right in the middle of the... How do we explain all those bullet holes? Hopefully they weren't

up too close. Just stick the falchions directly in where all the bullet holes are. Right, yeah. No one will be the wise. I don't think they have any forensic specialists coming out here. Okay, roll. Who's searching the body of Jort? I'll do it.

I think we all will. 21. 21 for me as well. 21. Okay. You find a couple things. 21. 21 for me as well. 21. Okay. You find a couple things. One, you find a bag on his person which contains something known as a agile alpenstock.

Whoa. You familiar with this? No. This gnarled wooden walking stick aids a creature's travel, granting a plus five foot enhancement bonus to speed and a plus 2 enhancement bonus to CMD against trip attempts and on saving throws to avoid being tripped

these bonuses apply as long as the algebra alpenstock is held in hand and it can also be wielded in combat as a quarterstaff so if you're holding this in one hand you get a plus five to your speed and a plus two to CMD against Trip. That's cool. Cool.

Magical walking stick. Wow. And you also find a mud-caked stone. Ooh, can Lork examine it? Sure. 24. 24. Sure.

24. 24. You're like scraping away at the mud, and you realize that it's not a stone. It is, in fact, an emerald. Oh. Hidden beneath this mud. Whoa.

That is worth a ton of gold. Nice. Oh, shit. A lock that is not much for pretty diamonds and whatnot. I get a bonus on appraise for that. You do it. This is a good Breran thing. Let me see that, he says. Pulls out his little eyeglass.

Oh, yeah. 20. Jeweler's eye. It's worth 1,000 gold pieces. Nice. Whoa! I tell the group it's worth five and just put it in my pocket. Hey, it's a fake.

It's a glass. It's a worthless bubble. And the only other thing is just, and I don't know how to explain this other than as you're searching the bodies and searching the orcs, you realize that the giant was their general. Oh.

That the giant was in charge of this. The hill giant was the brains behind this? He was the patrol leader in this sense. Oh, so yeah, a revolt would be great. Oh, wow. Yeah, a myth of a revolt. Mutiny. So yeah.

Is that it? That's it. See you next week, everybody. No. Got a little bit more. Excellent. You guys keep moving forward. Should we search the other orcs?

They have anything? So the orcs have, between them, they have 60 gold pieces. They have their falchions, studded leather, javelins. They're not going to take any of that shit. We'll take the gold. Leave the gold. Well, that's interesting, though, if you're going to. Oh, yeah, we've got to leave some gold.

Just a couple. Just a couple. Just a couple. Copper, if we can. Well, no, we can take the gold, because that's what the orcs would have done. Yeah, they're not going to leave it. The orcs lived through the fight. It's true. But they know how many orcs

are on the patrol with them, right? So if there are four dead orcs... No, we're saying we leave like one dead orc. Oh. Hide the others? Yeah. So we do that, okay?

Can we do that? Leave the orcs. Take the cannoli. We leave one orc, Falchion in the giant. Do a great club wound to the head of the orc. Take the other three orc bodies, pull them into the woods, hide them in like brush. Hide them in the brush.

Yeah. Classic. The old classic frame of an orc murdered giant. Hide them in the brush. Gets them every time. That old yarn. All right, so I'm assuming you keep moving forward. You should probably heal Galabras, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm actually at zero after the armor wears off. I do a heal check on you, which I get plus eight on. 26 to stabilize or heal? Can I actually heal? Yeah, you can heal. I forget what it d6 one decent yeah it's like a good six one point all right I'm at one welcome

back to life thank you and and are you gonna you want to channel or cast on yourself yeah I'm going I'm gonna I'm gonna use the wand an Ingerrahild could probably use some healing, too. So if you channel for the three of us, we gather in a circle. Yeah, I'll channel again. 13? I'm at full. Licking your wounds, getting Calabras back up to speed. Yeah.

How far would you say, like we said we knew it was about 10 miles to the fort? And we're about five miles in. We're about five miles in, right? Five miles in, so you think you're probably five miles away. I mean, this wouldn't be the worst time in the world to rest. We know they're moving. We know they're patrolling. Set up a watch.

I imagine the same way we would set up watches. And we've been on a boat, so we know generally that people shift on, shift off. What time is it? It's later in the afternoon. It's not nightfall. They might shift at nightfall. They might do 12-hour shifts or something. Night approaches.

Well, I mean, yeah. If it's getting to be dusk then we can rest. You know, we're not going to keep moving through at night. That doesn't seem like a great idea.

Yeah. So obviously you're not going to light any fires. You're going to keep pretty low key. And some hard tech. How many miles away

are we from now? About five, he said. About five miles away. So it makes sense as it would take two days. You know, you're not walking

through the swamp so it's not going to take you, you know, you're not going to move as slow as you did through Ghostlight Marsh. So it makes sense it would take two days. You're not walking through the swamp so it's not going to take you, you're not going to move as slow as you did through Ghostlight Marsh. So you rest throughout the night.

It was Galavris' watch and you heard giant footsteps and you rustled the group, woke the group up and you all just laid perfectly still.

You had your mouth over Barry Connick Jr., or your hand over Barry Connick Jr.'s mouth. Keep it quiet. And the patrol moved on. But you just get this sense that like, we can't mess around with this much longer.

They're gonna find these bodies. They're gonna figure this out. Maybe we did a good job of turning into a mutiny, but let's get out of here before they find these bodies. And you wake up the next morning, you get your con and your HD back and hit points. You get all your spells and powers back. And you make your way forward.

Lork, are you still ranging or are you like... Yeah, I'm going to range. I'm not going to let it unsettle me. All right, so ranging ahead, roll a stealth check. Get it this time, Lork. Come on. 16. You get maybe 1,000 feet away.

You see through the trees Red Lake Fort. It is an enormous fort. Wow. There are big, thick logs, maybe two feet wide and 10 feet high, forming a palisade around the entire fort. And then you can see beyond that palisade is the fort itself, like a steel, or not steel, stone fort raised up on the ground behind it. So you would assume the moat is probably on the other side. So there's like an outer wall.

There's an outer wall. A moat. Probably a moat. And then on a raised hill, a stone keep. Rushing water to your right, leading towards the palisade. Roll a perception check. 27. The water, probably another tributary of the Esk,

leading to the fort, has been dammed. A dam has been built that was not shown on your map. You didn't have access to that. So you would think that there's no way there can be a moat there anymore. They dammed up the moat? They dammed up the moat. Why? For what reason? Who? What's going on? You range ahead and do you want to wait for the rest of the party at this point?

No, I'm going to then range back. Range back? To them. Explain what I saw. Explain the distance that it is to there. And then, you know, talk to the more intelligent people in the party about why you would dam up a moat. He's just talking to Barry Connick Jr. Do you know why they would dam the moat?

Why would they dam the moat, Barry? Does that make sense? While we're walking back, just the two of us. And so you come back, you give them all this information, and then you guys begin moving forward. Also with your 27 perception, you could see towards the front, we'll call it the eastern portion of the fort, a Barbican, with drawbridges down and orcs on top of the Barbican doing shifts.

You guys all come back up. When you get about 500 feet away or so, and there's still trees you can hide behind and everything, everyone roll a perception check. 18. 25. 16. 23.

All right, you all hear this. Roll for Ingerhild. Ingerhild, 24. As you get closer, 500 feet away, you hear the fierce roar of a wild animal roaring from inside of the fort, closer to where the Barbican area is. Della, your perception was the highest. You see that the orcs that are on guard on the tower,

the bowmen most likely, are not paying attention. They're like cheering and raising their hands. Ah, ah! And you definitely all start to hear like a wrestling match or something. You know what I mean? Like a crowd.

A clamor? A clamor. My belt starts to glow. My gladiator belt's like, let's get in there! You hear this, and then you hear a battle cry roar out in Dwarven. Oh, shit!

Baron recognizes it immediately as Dwarven and Ingra Hill looks at all of you and goes, I know that voice. It's Umlo. He's in the fighting pits. And we'll see you next week. Oh! Son of a bitch, that's great. That is great.

Oh my god. It's me, Umlo. Hi,oplo. It's me, Yoplo. Hi, Momo.