The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 69 - Duel Intentions

Episode Date: September 20, 2016

With Grenseldek and Pappy Gutterunch vanquished, the fate of Redlake Fort is up in the air as Lorc confronts General Kargukk in a battle to the death! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. I'm like shaking right now. Lork lays it all on the line for the mission. But we are not unmerciful. When our champion kills yours, we will walk out through those front gates. For his friends. Remember, just because you can't see us doesn't mean we're not there. For redemption.

I just want to say that I'm feeling really good about Lork's chances here with this guy. I'm feeling a little lucky. Karguk. Come at me. Lork. To shape a man or meddle to thy will, thou must strike with force.

The epic single combat begins... WOOOOOOAAAHHHHH! WOO! OH! OH! OH! Right now! What's going on, everybody? This is Troy LaVallee coming at you once again

with another exciting episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. First off, I want to congratulate Katja Hauser for winning our Ultimate Intrigue contest. Katja will be getting you a signed copy of Pathfinder's Ultimate Intrigue ASAP. And thanks to all of you that watched my Facebook Live video that I did last week. That was kind of on a

whim, as it were, but it seemed to go over pretty well. Maybe we should do more stuff like that in the future. But of what? Why don't you tell us? Email us at glasscannonpodcasts at gmail.com to let us know if you want us to do more Facebook Live stuff

or some Snapchat or whatever the kids are using these days. The MySpace and the Lookbook and all that good stuff. You let us know. We don't know

what we're doing. Also, Skid and I were on an episode of the Boards Alive podcast recently. I think it was the episode that came out just a couple days ago.

Episode 59. So please check that out. We talk about GM strategy and other nerdy stuff as usual. Listen, I know you had to wait a week, so I'm not going to keep you waiting any longer. Here she is, and I hope you enjoy it. Episode 69, Dual Intentions. Do you guys think if this podcast thing never works out we could make it as an acapella band let's let's try harmonizing here um i'll start you guys just jump in ah So no, we can't. We have had a couple good moments on the podcast of spontaneous acapella. Right, yeah.

We have something to unify the key that we're all in. Well, I think what Troy is saying is we probably won't make money at it. Right. So it's exactly like the podcast. Exactly. It is widely known as the most lucrative musical field. Acapella barbershop singing. It is known.

It is known. I mean, I've definitely been looking on Monster.com for new jobs since this is clearly the last episode. Is there a monster for hobbies? A bit of a pickle here. Sticky wicket, as it were. Were it? I've been up since 5 a.m.

I'm not even exaggerating. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about this episode for a number of reasons, the least of which being, as a GM, you're always, you're trying to get into the mind of the PCs. You're trying to, like, anticipate their actions

to a certain extent, and you never really can, but you want to kind of have an idea of what they're going to do, and I just have no idea how this is going to play out. I have plans. I have thoughts. But, like, you guys have walked into battles with plans, too, and everything falls apart. So I'm really, I'm interested, nervous.

I told Matthew when he came over here, I was just, I've been pacing for the last three hours, just thinking about this, talking it out. I've got this very detailed map here. We took some pictures, we'll put it up on the Tumblr. I guess what I want to impress upon you guys is, if it's not already clear, you may think, oh, it's a ton of orcs. We saved True Now from a siege of orcs. We got this. The difference with that was, you

know, those were wave after wave of at most half a dozen orcs. And in the background, there were the entire True Now militia taking on the rest of the threat. You know, it's usually one or two. We were also in a defensible position. You had barricades. You had boulders. You had, you know, sticks you could roll down on the thing. And bombs at the time.

This situation, the amount of orcs that are in this stronghold, you know, there's six of you, if you count the bear, right? Six with the bear in Ingrahild. Droja has a knife to her throat. Umlo, quite possibly dead, laying in a heap in the back there. I didn't know what that was. I had forgotten about Umlo,

and I thought you just ran out of bases. And that was another enemy. I have Umlo and Droja just laying there. Helpless. But Droja is up. She's standing. Right, she's like on her knees. Not unlike J'San. Oh, man. Had to say it.

But the situation in the moat, as Galabras can tell you, having flown over and seen all the orcs in the moat, as Galabras can tell you, having flown over and seen all the orcs in the Barbican, if I haven't made this clear, there are, you know, more than a score of orcs in what used to be the moat, in that little area between the Barbican and the courtyard. And they are at the ready. And if you played Shadow of Mordor, you know that even if Karguk falls,

there might be an orc, or two, or three, ready to take his place. Ready to be the next chieftain. This is a very scary situation. So what does Lork do when Karguk decides to change the deal? Pray I don't

alter it any further. Challenges him to single combat. I'm like shaking right now. I'm just so nervous about this. It's like going on stage except we're just gonna

role play and play dice. You're also really hungover, I assume. No, no, no. I couldn't even drink. I couldn't even drink. I was so nervous.

This is really bad. That's how you know I'm serious. We might as well just stop playing. That's the case. Did you call your primary care physician? To see what...

Doctor, I can't drink. Doctor. What's the matter with me? What's wrong with me? No, he called the CDC. I found a cure for alcoholism. Sounds like an old vaudeville. Have you heard of Pathfinder?

I walk up to the doctor. I say, doctor, I can't drink anymore. Take two of these and call me in the morning. Hands of two beers. Also, why are there snakes all over my apartment? I'm going to do something I have never done before on this podcast. I hate when you say that. It's episode 69.

Let's not make any childish jokes. Matthew. Matthew, I'm looking right at you. Yep. And your sophomoric humor. This is an epic encounter, for lack of a better word. And I'm going to do something I've never done before. Because I think it calls for it.

I think the situation calls for this. I like to picture this as like the cold open of a TV show. So if you're watching this on TV, this is what you would see. But in terms of the PCs, think of this as going through your individual heads moments before this situation, which could very well be the end of your life. So if you wouldn't mind humoring me for a second.

This is what's racing through your heads. Blackout. You hear panting. It's getting more frantic. The source of it is either running to somewhere or from somewhere. Boom. Door slams open and now light enters the frame.

You see a shadowy figure in the back of the room. He's panicked. Maybe he's searching for something. He's knocking shit over. You hear water running as the guy's like maybe washing himself. And then the camera pans down and you see a young girl, huddled under the sheets of her mat. You can't even call it a bed. Her skin is almost translucent in color.

She gets up and cautiously walks towards the man. Go back to bed, Della. Father, are you all right? Della, as a child, steps up and lights the room with her hand. And before her, you see a man. Della's father. Covered in blood. Staring at her.

He's played by Tim Roth. Ooh! Good get. Yeah, that is a good get. I had contracts out to his people all week. I can't believe he signed on. He's not even credited. This is a total surprise to all of us.

You see... At his own request. You see... You can see fear in his eyes at Della's clearly, like, growing, burgeoning powers. Turn that off. Turn that off. Father, what's wrong? Are you hurt, she says? I'm fine, I just...

I was trying to get us food, and I got into a scrape with a... with a dire boar. Della, the child, looks on innocently at her father. He grabs her by the face, like shaking. Blood still on his hands. Della, listen to me. There are evil people in this world. They don't all want to be evil, but some of them, they just can't help themselves. You see? It's a sickness. And I pray you never get that sickness.

And I will do everything in my power to eradicate the evil from your life. Do you understand? Yes, Father. Good. Now go to sleep. Your father loves you. Next scene. You hear muffled arguing

sounds like it's a man and a woman can't quite make out what they're saying but then you see a young dwarf he looks to be about Galabras' age

but he would be much older obviously in terms of like dwarven standards he's trying to eavesdrop on the two people arguing, and he's standing outside of a shack, kind of listening, trying to listen through the window but not be seen, but he can't make out what they're saying. He's like, uh, if they find out who he really is, they'll take him from us, or worse, the woman says, but he must know the truth.

He's of age to know. Don't you understand, woman, that knowledge could mean we not only lose him, but he must know the truth. He's of age to know. Don't you understand, woman, that knowledge could mean we not only lose him, but everything we've worked for, everything we've taken. The young dwarf boy takes a chance, peers into the window at his mother and father. His father is holding a gun. This power will not only bring us great fortune but one day the histories will tell of the day the red hearts

gave the world back to the dwarves father looks out the window like he heard a noise as a young barren red heart scurries away confused about what little he just heard you hear the sound of water dripping scurries away, confused about what little he just heard. You hear the sound of water dripping.

Doom, doom, doom. A door opens somewhere in the background. You kind of hear it fire off, then another door, and another door. It's approaching, getting closer. Then there's the sound of a lock or a latch being undone. Chunk! And light floods into the room. The floorboards creak as you see sandaled feet

walk towards a chair in the middle of the room. You start panning up the chair and you see human legs bound to the legs of the chair. And it keeps going up. The arms are tied down as well. Then it goes up to the face

of a teenage Galabras. His eyes are taped back, like that scene in Clockwork Orange. And he's like trying to adjust to the light. A voice comes out of the darkness. How are you doing, dear boy? It pains me to keep you in these conditions, but you must understand

it's all for your own good. You have great powers within you, but they need help being unlocked. That's why I'm here. Brander

leans down into the frame, inches away from Galabras' emaciated fearful face he's played by Damien Lewis oh wow homeland but enough chit chat

it's time for today's training Galabras lets loose a moan as it fades to black. Oh, God. Damien Lewis is creepy, too. He's perfect, right? Yeah. So happy we got him.

Next, you hear sounds of cheering. It's blurry, and you can't quite make out who's making the sounds. You see a crowd. They're gathered around someone or something. They're gathered around someone or something. They're yelling and egging it on.

It almost sounds like animals at first. Then it sounds like men. Guttural sounds. But as it comes into focus, you see that it's just a bunch of boys. Teenagers. Some even younger. There's some girls there too,

standing off to the side. They're watching, but they're kind of horrified at what they're seeing at the same time. It pans out, and you see a large boy with the body of a man pounding away at a green-skinned child. Just viciously punching his body, his face,

just pounding and pounding away. Body shots, face shots, boom, boom, boom, boom. You can barely make out the features of this young half-orc. He's so beaten. It's not long before the cheering just stops as the onlookers become just disgusted with the situation. This man-child stands up.

He's wearing a shirt that looks like a homemade armor made from tiny bones. If I see anybody helping him, I'm gonna track you down, rip your finger off, and add it to my armor. And he waddles away. The young half-orc,

now with a chipped tusk, just looks over to the people that he thought were his friends, and they turn and walk away. Not unlike that scene in Karate Kid. On the beach the boy half orc boy starts blinking

he's totally out of it he's confused and all of a sudden the cheering picks up again but this time it's the cheering of full-blooded orcs as Lork the man comes into focus

looking back towards the bell tower at his new friends, wondering if they will turn and walk away too if and when he falls. He turns back and looks across for him and for a split second, instead of seeing General Kargik,

he sees the young man-boy they called the Bone Giant standing there, fists raised, ready to humiliate him. Ladies and gentlemen, roll for initiative. Bravo, Troy. Well done. Thank you.

Before that starts, Galabras wants to make a desperate attempt to check these other orcs. He wants to do an intimidate check. Okay, alright. So Galabras is in the Bell Tower still with Della, Baron, Ingrahild. Very comic junior, kind of waddled up behind a orc, but Galabras steps out. So I. So I step up next to Lork. And I call up, Orcs! Hear me now! And I have the head of Grenseldek in my left hand

and the hammer of Usgrth in my right hand. I say, We have killed Grinseldek! And I hold her head aloft. While you lot cowered and clutched at your general skirts. While he pissed himself with the very thought of tussling with an overgrown, lovesick schoolgirl. You know, or might guess, that we possess powerful magics. Magics terrible enough to cut down every ogre, every hill giant, every half-bred abomination we've

come across. And yet stand here before you unscathed. And now we wield hers as well. I hold the head up again. But we are not unmerciful. When our

champion kills yours, we will walk out through those front gates. If we pass unhindered, we will permit you to live here, thrive, so long as you do not trouble the realms of men. But if you, any one of you, looks around, stand in our way, we will gladly execute the lot of you. Partial payment for the damage done to Trunau. But we will not stop with you. We shall scour every wine sink, every breeding pit and belxin to find any females besotted enough to have ever lain

with you and put them to the knife. Find any bastard spawn you've scattered across this cursed land and strangle them in their crutches. Moreover, we will track down whichever tribes are wise enough to exile you and slaughter every last member. Every one of them will be marked for death, just as you'll be. And we will hunt them down. All of them will be marked for death just as you'll be and we will hunt them down all of them to the ends of the fucking earth and i take the head and i throw it down on the ground i just smash it smash it smash it over and over again with the hammer it's like bits of skull and skin and blood and brain flying all over my face. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

And I step back and I kick it over like a rotting jack-o'-lantern and step back next to Della. Wow! Oh, man! That was so... That was fantastic! Can I do something to aid your intimidation? Sure.

So then Della will point at the carcass of a head that he just smashed. So Della steps up. And cast Mage Hand on the head and raise it up in the air and just rotate it in front of their faces. Plus two to your intimidate check. A bit of luck to myself. 21. 21. 21.

That's a lot of orc groups. So on the ramparts, there's close to a dozen orcs. And you know there's maybe two dozen more in there. When Galapagos finishes his speech, and Della raises this maybe two dozen more in there. And Galapros finishes his speech, and Della raises this pulp of a head up into the air. Do you just leave it floating there, or do you like... Yeah, I leave it floating. I let it go right in front of the bodyguard's faces, too. They turn and watch it go by.

More than half of them had turned their ramparts. They went from cheering to kind of unsure. Nice. And they're looking around and Karguk notices this. He looks up at them

and realizes the situation. Roll for initiative. All right. Holy shit. That was amazing. That was really great. It's good.

Thank you. These rolls are so important. What do you got, Lark? Shit. Joe's gonna roll. Yeah. No rolling. Wasn't that bad, but still pretty bad. So I just want to say that great job on the opening guys, really well done.

I am also obviously very excited about this combat and I'm not sure exactly how it's going to go. I imagine for a minute there would be some single combat. I don't know. I'm hoping so. But I just want to say that I'm feeling really good about Lork's chances here with this guy. I'm feeling a little lucky. I might call a crit. I might call a Lork crit

on the general. I've just been feeling it for a couple days. I'm calling my shot. I'm calling a Lork crit on the general. Wow. I've just been feeling it for a couple days. Calling your shot. I'm calling my shot. I'm calling a Lork crit on the general. It's like Babe Ruth. Yeah. I mean, it's the only way he'll live, so might as well.

Is this for some sick kid that's listening? I promised him I'd get a crit and we're gonna get one. He rolled a one. How's that dying kid? Distracted me.

Put too much pressure on me. Alright. Lork, what did you get? I got an 11. Okay. Galabras. Three. Barret.

27. That makes sense. Della. 19. All right. Oh, man. What is going to happen? My palms are sweating.

I am so nervous. I am a nervous wreck. All right, let me get my ball bearings here. Now, remember, talking is a free action. Blork, what's your initiative modifier? Plus two. Plus two. Barry Connick Jr.

My initiative tracker is completely full. Round one. Aware of the situation. Lork is calling for single combat. You are outnumbered 36 to 40 to six. Baron, you're up. Baron stands directly behind Lork. Baron exits the bell tower.

And he says into his duster, Go now. Lork needs you. And he sends Howie the Green green-steamed scorpion, on to rest on his shoulder for the combat. He's just been sitting there. And he kind of... Can he be seen by the other orcs?

A lot of them are raised above. Yeah, a lot of them are like 60 feet up in the air. They can see me? Oh, yeah, they can see you. Okay, so I say... You look like a small dot. I pull up my sleeve where I was hurt in the earlier battle with Grenzel deck.

I shoot my gun into the air and I say, let the games begin. And I stopped the bleeding in my arm with the, I'm just trying to intimidate, just trying to show him what tough bastards are. Cauterizing a scar. Like putting a cigarette on your palm. Go get them, Lork. Della. Della whispers

to Lork, Remember, just because you can't see us doesn't mean we're not there. Oh, nice. And Della steps back into the shadow of the chapel doorway and uses the Wand of Invisibility on herself. Wand of Invisibility.

Oh, that's not vanish. That's invisibility. So that's going to last minutes. Minutes, yeah. Nice. I step back far enough that they can't see me disappear. Right. So you're in the doorway of the bell tower.

Yes. In there, invisible. Ingrid Hill's like, which way did he go? Which way did she go? General Kargik's turn. Ah. He slow claps. Oh, man.

Impressive speech, young cleric. Wait, why does he have this voice now? Impressive speech, young cleric. Speaking as another cleric, I understand funny business when I see it. Come at me.

And he touches himself and begins to grow. Oh, shit. Cass, enlarge person. Lork. Is that a full round? Is that a full round? Yep. Oh, shit. Cass, enlarge person. Oof. Lork, is that a full round? Is that a full round?

Yep. Um, okay. Lork, you're standing. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25. He's 30 feet away. Straight line. Flanked by his two bodyguards. Behind the bodyguard to the right is the body

of Umlo, quite possibly dead, and Droja on her knees with an orc holding a knife to her neck. Um, okay. Uh, Lork is going to, he recognizes this because this is exactly what Galabras has done to him

before. Right. Um, and actually, you know what? I shouldn't say that. That would be impossible for him to know, really. exactly what Galabras has done to him before. Right. And actually, you know what? I shouldn't say that. That would be impossible for him to know, really. But he knows he's casting a spell. Right. So he is going to waste no time and he's going to call to Gorim for blessings on

this roll and charge him with the greatsword and try to interrupt the spell. So he just, I mean, there's huge bodyguards flanking him on either side, and he's running right in between them to the general. Lork believes, right now, that these guys are going to not attack him. He believes that it will be single combat. So that's why he's going to go into an extremely dangerous scenario.

Extremely dangerous. Yeah, extremely. So he screams, charges, and attacks with Gorham's Thorn power attack. So it'll even out

the negative. Here we go. Come on, Lork! I'm shaking. Oh my god. the negative here we go come on Lord I'm shaking miss what's your own natural 5 god damn it 95 and now fuck and are you right up in his grill or you have reach? No, I'm right up in his grill. He's not large yet. No, so you are right face to face with this snarling horn. And I just run up and swing and miss.

Like, how is that even possible? Perhaps Gorham is not with you. Perhaps not. What does Barry Connick Jr. want to do? Barry Connick Jr. is going to stay. Lork basically said stay and then went after this guy. This is actually a good opportunity to make Barry stay. Barry.

Okay. I'm going to make a compilation, just an edit together of Troy saying, what does Barry Connick Jr. do? And Joe say, stay. Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay. He's going to stay. Stay. He'll stay. He's gonna stay. Stay. He'll stay.

He's an animal companion, not an animal combatant. There's a difference. This is also, you know, he's trying to fight this guy one-on-one. Manu, I'm Manu. The bodyguards. The two giant orcs. Orcs with giant blood in them. Formerly Grenteldex bodyguards, now presumably

bodyguards for the general. Both drink a potion. Oh man. Ingrahild, Ingrahild looks to Della. No she doesn't. Looks to where Della was. Della, Della, what do I do? Do I join the fray? Do I interrupt the single combat or do I just stay at the ready?

Also where are you because you're invisible? Yes, I... Della? Della? Della? Della says, hold. All right, should I get my bow ready or my axes? Why are you asking me?

I thought I'd add some role playing into the combat. Should I get my bow ready or my axes? Why are you asking me? I thought I'd add some role-playing into the combat. Okay. Bows. Bow. All right, I'll use my bow. Bows? Two-handed bow? Like the stereo speakers?

You want me to put on headphones? If they want to sponsor us, yes. Load your axe into your bow and shoot it at him. Alright, I'll do that. Alright, so she gets her bow ready. Galabras Finn. I'm gonna hold. Galabras holds. Round

two. This is what I kind of thought. I kind of thought the first couple rounds would be like, let's see how this goes before all hell breaks loose. Baron, smoke rising off of your forearms. Bird flesh. Bird flesh. Bird dwarf flesh.

Profession, fisherman check. Win and down. I got a big one. I mean, I just want to let this play out. Gwen and Dal. I got a big one. I mean, I just want to let this play out. I'm going to flavorfully say, smoke them if you got them.

And I'm going to have a cigarillo in my mouth during this whole thing. Burning. But I'm going to hold my action until a point happens where someone else enters the combat besides Karguk and Mork. And if that happens, I will shoot at the cloak. You're going to ready an action. Yeah, readying an action. You can also hold, and then just wait for shit to go down and say, okay, I'd like to go now, and then jump and do what you want to do.

Because with the problem with the ready action, you'll lose it. The problem with the ready action, the good thing about the ready action, though, is you interrupt them. So if they start to do something, you get to do it before. So you can ready or either way is fine. Delay is actually the wording. See, because if I hold and nothing happens, I'm going to

lose it anyway for this initiative round. So I'm just going to ready an action to attack if someone else interlopes into Lork's one-on-one combat. Okay, shoot from the hip. Oh, I want to take my turn.

Oh, okay, Galabras. I'm going to cast Shield of Faith on myself. Galabras presents his holy symbol. I love this. It's like the two armies are like, they're each buffing, basically. Right. They don't know what's going to happen with this fight.

Okay, I'm not going to have that move the initial order. Okay, Della vanished. Della is going to have that move the initiative order. Uh, okay. Della vanished. Della is going to double. Invisible, excuse me. Della is going to stealthily double move towards Umlo. Oh! Now.

Wow. Did I get there? Yep. So just to, I'm not going to do a heal check or anything. Just when I see him, is he conscious? Well, that's as far as she could get. So you're right. You're like right up next to Trojan. I mean, the other thing you could do is go along the wall.

You won't get as far, but... Oh, that's fine. Can I perceive to see if... Let me just see if anybody has C invisible. Nobody seems to react to you. They got bigger fish to fry. Yeah, they're focused on that. I assume they're watching the fight, right?

Oh, yeah. Everybody's watching the fight, right? Oh yeah, everybody's watching the fight. The rangers are sick. There's like a little salesperson with popcorn and cigarettes and beers. Get your single combat penance! Can I roll a perception on Lodacy if he's conscious or breathing from where I am?

From where you are, yeah, you can roll perception. Natural one. 100% dead. Might as well come back. You've never been more certain that he's completely dead. That he's dead, okay. General Karkak. Wub, wub, wub, wub, wub, wub, wub, wub.

General Karkak is now very big. Very large. Easier target to hit, but does a lot more damage. Of course, Lork got right up in his situation, so he's going to swing twice with a great sword that seems to be emanating magic. First attack. Really needed to not miss that first attack. 19.

Hit. Man. Oh, man, that's bad. 25 points of damage. Second attack. 20. Yep. 27 points of damage.

Oh, my God. Yeah, I thought this would be fun. I didn't know. Fucking shit. Fucking sucks, man. Are you unconscious? You're conscious. You're conscious? Yes. fucking shit fucking sucks man are you unconscious you're conscious are you conscious

yes yeah yeah conscious conscious yep two swings with a greatsword right in your grill with a giant general

still conscious and snoresville raging yep you guys just see lork get slashed

by this guy basically dead and it is lork well he was uh You guys just see Lork get slashed by this guy. Basically dead. And it is. Ah, Lork. Well, he was just a simple desk worker. You know? Wasn't meant for this kind of stuff. Will Lork be able to rise above,

or will this guy treat him the way the bone giant did? Let's find out. It's Lork's turn. All right. Lork, boom, bloodied. Turns back. He says, loudly, strike hot iron and call forth sparks. Strike a half-orc and call forth fury.

And he goes into a rage. Yeah. Boom. We get some temporary hit points. Everything gets, his belt is glowing blue. He says, to shape a man or meddle to thy will, thou must strike with force. And he brings his sword at his legs.

Natural 16, that's going to be a hit. Is that a critical threat? No, 17 is a critical threat. So close, Lark. You were so close. All right, so I'm assuming that's a hit. Yes, that is a hit. Man, if I crit, I could have tripped him.

God, Lark. So close, but at least he hit before he went down. 22 points of damage. Whoa, that's nothing to shake a stick at. I mean, he just crushed you for close to 50, but you did at least half damage to him. Oh, wait, and then I get a second attack. 50, but you did at least half damage to him. Oh, wait. And then I get a second attack. You get a second attack?

That's right. Okay. Sorry. And I would assume that I don't get any favorite enemy bonus. Is that right? Like, he doesn't change his subtype. Yeah, I was thinking about that even before the day. The bodyguards have the giant subtype, but he is just now giant.

What about... What was I going to say? The trip function. Is that just for a size category, or is it the giant subtype? Good question. I think it's just a size category. I think it's size category as well. And until I know for sure, I'm going to rule it as such, because that's fucking cool.

He decided to go giant. This is giant slayer. Okay, second swing. Miss. Damn. What'd you roll? Because his AC is lowered from enlarged person. I rolled a 10. That was the second attack. Barry Connick Jr. Barry Connick Jr.

is going to... God. He's just going to... God. He's just going to... Fuck. Can he administer a potion to you? Can he lay on hands? That should be the next trick you teach him. Can he lay on paws? No, I told him to stay.

I'm not changing that command right now, so he'll stay. Okay, and you don't have to handle animals to do that. He just naturally... You can make me if you want. I mean, you can say, like, him seeing you get hit like that, he's going to go in unless you can stop him. I kind of like the idea of an animal seeing his handler be ravaged. Yeah.

Not quite know what to do. So roll handle animal. Handle animal. You want to have, okay. So this would be to push, which means to stop it from doing something it really wants to do. It's natural reactions to want to protect it. So that's DC 25, and I have a plus nine.

So it's really hard. Fail. Fail. I rolled a 13. Barry Connick begins making his way into the frame. Is he just going to charge in? He's just coming in slowly. Okay.

Because you're, you know, I haven't made you roll stays before. So it's just, but Barry's instincts are kicking in. He has the power of scent, and he smells your death. Yes. It is now the bodyguard's turn. Barry Connick Jr. moved up pretty close to this bodyguard. That bodyguard takes a step forward. Interposing himself between Barry Connick Jr., Lork, and the giant general.

I really needed that crit. The other bodyguard just stands there, axe at the ready, big old axe. An axe, probably head to toe, if you stood it up, you'd be as tall as Baron. And it is Ingrahild's turn. She steps out. She hears this going on.

You'd have to be deaf not to hear it. She steps out and she just has her bow drawn. They see this. She does not fire because she sees that no one else is joining the fray. It is now Galaverus' turn. I'm gonna pray. Pray. What do you say? I'm gonna cast the spell prayer. Cast the you say? I'm going to cast the spell prayer. Cast the spell prayer?

Yeah. So, Glybaris, does he take a knee, genuflect? Yeah. Does Neville please give them prayer? Yeah. All right, tell me about prayer. What does prayer do? It's plus one to all of our attack rolls, damage rolls, skill checks, minus one to all of theirs.

Within 40 feet you'll need your guard now cleric but mine is all powerful and yours is a butterfly round three she's actually a woman Baron Baron's getting an itchy trigger finger

if you saw a close up of his finger on his trigger he's just thinking what am I gonna do I can't let Lork go down like this but he's gotta be a man a man's gotta make his own damn way in this world and Lork how do you look right now physically are you like a hit away from death yeah like if they

see you they've seen you near death more times than they can count on one hand so Baron you see the situation. Yeah, he's severely bloodied. But you know that he can power through with his rage. So he's moving just fine and attacking just fine. But yeah, you see blood just pouring out of him onto the dirt of the ground. Baron, seeing the bodyguard

step up to the bear and the bear move forward he turns to Ingerheld and says you don't shoot that bow until I shoot this magical handbanger. And he he whips his duster out to the side

and the spurs, which he's never had before, but for this scene or on his boots, he kind of takes 10 feet forward, two steps, just to get closer. This is so damn fucking... Like a showdown at the OK Corral. Ching, ching, ching spurs.

Exactly, just like that. Della, invisible, you are a five-foot step away from Lork. You are standing next to the body, excuse me, standing next to Droja, who's got a knife to her neck. I mean, you can feel Droja's breath on your translucent skin, and you're 100% sure Romulo's dead.

So your initial decision to go over there doesn't make sense anymore. You know he's dead. Five feet away from Lork, who is riddled in great sword wounds. Screaming. Screaming.

What do you do? So I 100% believe he's dead. Okay. I take a five foot step next to Lork. And I touch him and cast I cast Cat's Grace. Okay. I can't really do much.

I can't give you mirror image. That's what I wanted. You could also aid him if you want on his next attack. But that's an attack. That's an attack. I would become visible. You don't have any healing, right? Oh yeah, you're a magus. I don't have any healing. Alright. Thank you. Boom. Cat's Grace. That ups your AC, yes?

Yes. Okay. Well, you're gonna need it. I know. For just K, Cat's Grace. That ups your AC, yes? Yes. Okay. Well, you're gonna need it. I know. For it is Kogook's turn. He snarls at you. Now he's really towering over you. And he laughs.

Your friends are all going to die. I thought you'd at least give me a challenge. You had a chance to join my tribe together. We could have lived here in harmony. We could have eventually taken over Galarian. But instead, you chose to die. And with that, kill all of your friends. Ring the bell!

Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. From the bell! Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong from the bell tower. And he swings at you twice. He only swings at me once. By the way. I will be unconscious. After this swing. 19

hits. 19 hits! Because of the rage, right? Otherwise you'd be above. Yep. The cat's grace got me back up there, but the rage takes you down. 16 points of damage. Okay. 16 points of damage.

This is tough. Okay, so I'm at negative 2 in a rage. Oh yeah, so I'm at negative two in a rage. Oh, yeah. But I have orc ferocity. So I just stay up. Yeah.

Oh, shit. When you come out of the rage, do you go to negative 12? Do you lose 10 hit points? I lose 12 hit points. And that would bring you at negative 14 and your 10 hit points? I lose 12 hit points. And that would bring you negative 14 and your con is 16? I believe so, yes. Curious. Oh, did you take the minus

one? Yeah. Troy on that to hit roll? I did not. That's 18. Yeah, that hits. It's exactly 18. Motherfudge. I know, it's just I needed that first swing. It was all about the first swing. here's the second attack much lower to hit

not even lying natural one natural one oh my god I put the die in front of Joe oh my god and fast enough that that could not have been

you can't you can't fake this to confirm oh no natty 20 so no fumble And fast enough that that could not have been. You can't fake this. To confirm. Oh, no. Natty 20. So no fumble. But at this point, a miss was all that Lork needed.

Lork at death's door. The general hits him to negative. But he's ferocious. Yep. Gets one more. Lork's turn. So this is, if I'm not mistaken, this is Lork's dying action. So I'm sorry to say, I think this is it.

I think this is Lork's last swing. And he really doesn't want his friends to die. So he's going to try to knock this guy to the ground. And he desperately needs a crit from this cursed die. Here we go. Lork's final swing. 20 to hit. Hit. All right.

All right. AC is lowered with a large person. He went down swinging. Don't forget you get a plus one from prayer, or plus two, whatever it is. Yes, I have it. I have it factored in. Two cracked dies.

Jesus. That's a lot of cords over there. 23 points of damage. And then he falls. And then Lork falls unconscious. You don't get your second attack, I'm guessing? If you're standing still.

Yeah, I guess so. Is it after your action? Or is it... But if you take a standard action... No, it's a full... Yeah, you're right. It's part of one action. So I will swing a second time. Can I trade in my bottle cap to give him a bit of luck on his second attack? You absolutely can.

Thank you so much, Grant. It's at home, but... All right, here we go. Second swing needs to be a crit. Oh, yeah, I need to roll twice to get the better result. Two natural 15 crit. Oh, yeah. I need to roll twice to take the better result. Two natural 15s. So it's a definite hit, but it says 21 to hit. Yeah, it hits.

But it is, unfortunately, not a crit. And 19 points of damage. 19 points of damage. 19 points of damage. I will tell you what. And Lork falls. And Lork falls. Passes out from all the... And the general is like very unsteady on his feet.

It is now Barry Connick Jr.'s turn. Barry Connick Jr. is next to the bodyguard. Lork, no longer conscious to tell Barry what to do. What does Barry do? Barry. Barry can't be handled, so you tell me what Barry's going to do. I would say Barry is going to try and attack the bodyguard right in front of him. All right, here we go.

Or rush towards Kargik. You get the choice. Okay. Okay. Yeah, he'll rush towards Kargik. Okay. Yeah, he'll rush towards Kargik. He'll provoke. Right, so it's... From both of them.

Well, he might as well. I mean, this is it for Barry. It attacks. The first guy attacks Barry. 23 to hit. That is a hit. You can't bolster. I know.

This is insane. 15 points of damage. Uh-huh. The second, so he gets up to Kargik, Kargik swings, hits him for 18 points of damage. And he's down. Barry's unconscious. Lork is unconscious. Single combat is over.

The bell is ringing. The bodyguards are just standing at the ready. Now, one has taken an action to hit Barry Connors Jr. And it is Ingrid's turn. She's looking at Barry. Does that count? Well, I already acted this initiative, didn't I? What did you do?

I just took ten steps forward. Can I still take an action? Because I would almost interpret the bodyguards taking a swing as my readied action. I believe you're allowed to move. Yes. Hold. So I think that I would interpret that as just I have a clear shot at Karguk right now. You have a completely clear shot at Karguk.

It is in melee, so it's going to be get... It's going to be a minus four. They're all down. Oh, because they're all unconscious. Yeah. So, completely clear shot at Kargik. Woo, doggie. Woo, doggie. Um, okay. So, I'm going to...

Is he still giant? Oh, yeah. So, I'm going to... I'm going to pull both Oh, yeah. So I'm going to... He big. I'm going to pull both of my triggers. So I'm going to take a minus four to both these rolls. So this is a plus seven. Okay.

So this is the same as firing into... 23 to hit on the first attack. 23 hits. Second attack. 11. 11. Touch AC. Also hits because he is enlarged.

Are you 20 feet away? You're 25 feet away. So those are both against regular AC. So the second one misses, the first one hits. Okay, great. I didn't say up close and deadly, even though I would have, but I will honor the spirit of the game. You're an honorable man.

Oh, no, Grant! No! Oh, the second attack was actually plus one more because of hatred, but I don't think that hits still. So that is 11 points of damage. You get a grit point back. Kargik is in the negative. Oh, nice work!

Did you have plus one for the prayer? I did. That's included. As a full-blooded orc, he of course has ferocity. And now, shit's about to go down. Ingrahild fires two shots with her bow

at the bodyguard that struck Barry Connick Jr. I'm so nervous. First shot. Natty19. Is that... No, it's not. It's not a critical threat? Nope.

Okay, so... Hits the bodyguard for four points of damage. And then second attack, 16. Oh, Ingra Hill gets a plus two to attack giants. So the second one hits. Another four points of damage thanks so Ingerhill does eight points of damage to the first giant bodyguard Galabs okay Calabas no steps up next to Baron and channels okay remember with your new ability any sixes you any ones you roll or six once a channel yeah

uh i did roll a one oh no it's a six okay yeah that's 12 that's 14. 14 healing to everybody including uh umlo and um droza also ah and very kind of changing. Yes, but not Kargik. You can hold him out, right? I'm excluding Kargik. Kargik all of a sudden wakes up. Ah, feels good. Okay. Okay. In your mind, Galabras, you hear

Drogia's voice. It's very weak. It's barely audible, but you're positive it Stroj's voice. The dam. You must flood the moat. The dam. Use your powers of flight.

Only Galavers hears that. Okay. Round four. Baron! Baron is going to say, I got to finish the job. And he's going to take rapid shot at General Kartrick. Up close and deadly.

Did you move in the initiative order? I'm sorry. Yes, Baron did move in the initiative order. Good call. Sorry. You moved right before Ingrahild, so it is Della's turn. Della is still invisible. Finish the fight.

Still invisible. Finish the fight. She sees Lork wake up. No. The channel didn't wake you up? Nope. Oh. All right.

Yeah, I don't know. You see Barry stirring. Lork doesn't move. Lork doesn't move. All right. In that case, Della, while still invisible, is going to take a five-foot step in next to Karguk while drawing her flaming scimitar and setting it on fire. And we'll appear and we'll swing.

Oh, my God. This is so sad and epic. Karguk is next. And he could be killed. I'm going to throw in my bottle cap on this. Nice. This is also against his flat-footed AC. Right.

That's right. He had no idea you were there. Oh, man. Talk about a time to cash in a bottle cap. He's already in the negative. Ooh. Ooh. Oh. 19 to hit.

With enlarged person. His AC is 18. Oh. Nice. All right. Here we go. Do it. Do it, Della.

Kill him. Take him down. Just totally out of nowhere. This flaming sword. Oh, yeah. I appear. So, Della, next to him, just like within, like right next to him. Yeah him down. Just totally out of nowhere, this flaming sword. Oh yeah, I appear. So Vidal, next to him, just like, within, like, right next to him.

Yeah. Right. Nine points of damage. Oh, he's still alive. Oh! He's still alive! All right, but he is not in an advantageous position. He takes a five foot step back.

A five foot step back drinks a potion. Fuck. Gotta kill him. You see him, he's like, he looks very hairy now. How, where did she come from? Good thing is, can't do an attack if he's drinking a poche. Lork, you're unconscious, what do you do? Bleed.

Bleed! Bleed! Barry Connick Jr. will pursue an attack. Oh, actually, he's got to stand up. So yeah, he'll get up and provoke. Get up and provoke from the bodyguard. Natural four. Misses. Okay. And then

he will step up to the general, snarling. Barry. Barry will. Does a 13 hit him? No. No. And he will attack once. I mean, that's a five foot... Well, he stood up, so 13 hit him? No. No. Okay. And he will attack once. I mean, that's a five foot... Well, he stood up, so he can't do a full attack. Stood up.

But he's going to bite. Power attack bite. Natty 19. Wish that was there earlier. That hits. 24. Hits the general, protecting his owner, his master. Hits the general and does nine points of damage.

Max damage. Good work, Barry. Good boy. Good boy, Barry. The general heals a little, nine points of damage. Max damage. Good work, Barry. Good boy. Baby! The general heals a little, takes some more damage. Bodyguard's turn. Now, it's a fight.

One steps up to Della. One steps up to Baron. And they both swing. One time, with a great axe. The one looks standing above Baron. Says, in giant, If the general falls,

we will take the fort. Die! Swings. Creepy. New voice. 13 to hit Baron. That's a miss. Miss.

This one swings at Della. What do you think, Della? Did you crit me right now? Natural 20. Oh my god! Della is a crit magnet. You should sit next to Joe when we record. To confirm, 18. Miss.

Woo! So just max damage, which is so happy. Just max damage. 25 points of damage Jesus Christ boom the prayer is still in effect right oh yeah so it's one less than max

one less than max okay so 24 24 points of damage yeah keep holding me to that prayer I keep forgetting to add it to my hero lab halfway there Baron you've now moved in the initiative order this axe Keep holding me to that prayer. I keep forgetting to add it to my hero lab. Halfway there. Baron, you've now moved in the initiative order. This axe, excuse me, this giant orc just came up. Nailed you with an axe.

Well missed. I dodged out of the way. Boom, the axe hits the ground right next to you. Baron, in his dodge, kind of like slides back and like his heels are sliding in the dirt and he puts his hand down in the dirt to steady himself in kind of a three-point stance. I like that. He turns to Ingrahild and says in Dwarvish, let's show these giants how dwarves do it. Bring your axes out, Ingrahild.

And he takes a rapid shot at the giant that just swung at him. Giant ogre. That provokes. Not with a five foot step. That was part of my sliding back. Oh, you've slid back. But it has reach. He had reach when he attacked me. He was at reach when he attacked me, so I'm sliding

out of reach range. Ah, okay. So Baron slides back and is now 10 feet away from the first giant orc bodyguard. Natural 20. Natural 20. That's what we needed. To confirm.

21. I love these headshots. This should have been up close and deadly, but I didn't say it again. So, motherfucker. This is really good. Muscle severed. Normal damage and 1d6 dex and 1d6 strength damage.

Oh, man. Perfect. I roll the damage. Is it max? Is it a natural 20? Yeah, it's max. It's unconfirmed 20s are the max. That is 15 points of damage.

It's just the first bullet. Second attack. Roll the strength and dex damage. Strength, five. Dex, two. There goes the AC. Second attack. Misfire. Oh, shit. The gun giveth, the gun taketh away. second attack misfire

oh shit the gun giveth the gun taketh away baron spends a grit point as a let me see what kind of action that would be as a move action five foot steps not a move action you can combine move actions with five foot steps

okay so move action can you still do a full attack action if you're using a move action? Well, this like interrupted, right? No. Yeah, so that ends it. Yeah, so I'm not going to take my full attack then. But you took the second shot.

Yeah, you took the second shot, so... All right, then I'll have to clear it next round. Yes, correct. Okay, whew, man, big hit. Serious damage, so now this thing is weaker and easier to hit. But Baron's gun jammed. Ingrahild, listening to Baron, drops the bow.

Just like you saw her practice. Shing! Both axes come out. One of those is a plus, too. It's Grenseldex. And she charges at the giant orc that Baron just fired at. Hits the giant orc. Yes.

Do you get extra damage on a charge? No, just extra two hit. Nine points, or ten points of damage with prayer. Nice. Nice. Nice. Boom! And next round, she'll be able to do four attacks.

Galabras. I look back quickly at Baron and just kind of nod to him like, I don't have time to explain, but everything's gonna be okay. I cast Fly on myself and I take off towards the dam.

Galabras flies over towards the dam. Holy shit. This is insane. We've split the party! Lork's friends are leaving him. Yeah. They are. Bad flashback, right? Galabras flies towards the dam.

Here's what that map looks like. Oh, wow. So as you're flying over, Galabras, you see 30, 20 to 30 orcs milling about, like, getting ready. You see giant dummies, practice dummies that they were using to practice fighting giants in the sort of moat area there.

And you land on, you can either land on the right side, a small patch of earth, or on the left side, a small patch of earth where the dam is. Which one's trapped? Yeah. And this is all water here to the south. Can I do a perception check to see which one might be more advantageous for me to land on? Sure.

17? They both look equally safe. You know, maybe the far one would be slightly better because there could be orcs coming up here. Okay. But there you'd be outside. I land on the far one. The one on the right. Lands to the far right. Roll a perception check.

Ooh. 32. Wow! That's why I want those wise people going and checking this stuff out. If you had grabbed Baron and put him in your talons as you flew, you would have needed him for a...

You know he's not an eagle, right? I just call hands talons. You don't do that? as you flew, you would have needed him for a... You know he's not an eagle, right? Right. I just call hands talent. You don't do that? If you had put him in your claws and flew over there, you really needed him to kind of look at this type of engineering. But with a 32 perception, you can tell

that there are two latches on the dam. It's gotta be a double latch system. You can see on the side that is facing the moat, where the moat used to be, easily accessible. You could probably swoop down, unlatch it next round. And you would think the other one is underwater in the river. Ah. Oh, boy.

Let's take that armor for a swim. Heavy armor, yeah. Galabras is over there. Della's turn. Round five. Della's going to spell combat. I'm going to roll the cast defensively to cast Shock and Grasp and take a

giant swing at this bodyguard. Oh man. Big roll. I really hope Barry takes down Karga. It's a DC 17 to cast this defensively. I got a plus 13 in my roll. I got a five. I just got it. I got it by one.

Oh, no. Okay. So, Shocking Grasp lights up the scimitar. Not only is it flaming now, it's glowing with electricity. I'm going to Swift Action Keen my scimitar and take a swing at the bodyguard I got plus three because I assume he has a metal weapon or metal armor of some kind he is wearing studded leather but his weapon is nuts or metal yes and the weapon is not I just thought he was a stud he just dies Troy okay critical threat

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Confirm, confirm. 21 to confirm. Confirmed, great. All right. Nicely done, Della. God. So that's plus the shocking. What would we do without Della?

Plus shocking grasp damage. Ow. Might I have a card? Yes. Oh, yes, I forgot. Do you get to choose between melee or spell? I don't know. Probably. Between slashing or spell? I don't know. Between slashing or spell?

That's a good question. You know what? For the purposes of this, you may. Yeah, I'm going to take the melee. Tangled, double damage, and you may automatically grapple the target. Oh! You're going to grapple a giant!

Can you grapple something one size category larger? So the flaming damage does not get doubled, right? No. Just my regular damage gets doubled. Yeah, that would be precision damage. Neither does the shocking grasp damage. No, that goes normal too. Okay, normal damage.

Minimum damage. So 12 regular damage. And then 3 fire damage. So 15. And now 5d6 shocking regular damage. And then... 3 fire damage. So 15. And now 5d6 shocking grasp damage. Well, that's good. 20 points of shocking grasp damage. Wow, so 35 points of damage all together.

In one swing. Wow. From this swing. Wow. From this teenager. And then I grapple. And then you attempt to grapple him. No, I automatically grapple the giant. You automatically grapple him. So Della lights her scimitar up with electricity,

slashes him across the chest, and then grabs him and pulls the scimitar across his throat. That's exactly what happens. Della has grappled a giant orc. It is General Kargik's turn, and this stupid bear is standing in his way. So what is he going to do? General Kargik is going to murder Barry Connick Jr.

Shit. First swing. Almost a critical threat on Barry Connick Jr. Almost a critical fumble Barry Connick Jr. Almost a critical fumble. 20 points of damage. 20? Really? Okay. Rather a bear than a friend.

The bear is our friend. You are the worst. A companion. He's our friend. Don't forget about the diehard feat. He swings again. Well, the bear's down. The bear's down. Barry Conn about the diehard feat. He swings again. Well, the bear's down. The bear's down. Barry Connick Jr. is down. Oh, well, I felt it.

I mean, he's up. He's up. Okay. It is Lork, still unconscious. Okay, so I need to prostrate myself before your majesty, GM, and beg.

I think you mean prostate. Yes, yes, yes. In your terms, I need to prostate myself. Right, right. Do we need to leave? Speak on my terms. I need a, you know that I'm a rules lawyer, and I'm afraid that by the book, Lork is dead.

Like, dead, dead. But he might not that by the book, Lork is dead. Like, dead dead. But he might not be by the book. Because you know what rules lawyers also do? They work the loopholes. So I'm going to beg you, because Lork will die. Right. If the belt would remain, would keep him in a rage state after going unconscious. It has five rounds.

If it would keep him in a rage state after he went down, then he'd be alive. He'd be unconscious but alive. If the belt shuts off because he's unconscious, it would kill him permanently. That's fascinating because that's why the feat Raging Vitality is out there, right? But it is not from an item usually. Right.

And it's not like a barbarian ability that I used on myself. It's from this item. So I'm wondering if that is like I could work it for like... Right. Because I don't want him to die. Yeah. If this was an innate barbarian ability, you would be dead. Yeah, because I would lose all con.

My con goes back down, and so I lose all these hit points. But definitely not dead if... I mean, still unconscious, but definitely not dead if I have... If the belt will keep me alive for a couple more rounds. I think there's a great case to be made that the belt just stays active until the five rounds is up. And if you want, we can... What's fun about that is there's a ticking

clock. Right. And your cleric is gone. Yeah, exactly. I imagine in your state, laying on the ground, you're thinking of this belt that's radiating energy, and you're thinking of rag in the fighting pits of Urgir. How could this man stay alive?

Yeah. It was with the magic of the belt that he kept in a chest by his bed, and he gifted to you his new friend. Maybe you'll get a chance to see him again, but you've only got five rounds. Okay, all right. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So that started round two?

That was round two. Now this is round three. I will say, right now, if those rounds tick off and you haven't been brought back, you are dead, dead, perma-dead. Lork is dead. I'm sorry, listeners.

Lork will be 100% dead. It is Barry Connick Jr.'s turn. Speaking of dead, Barry Connick's up. So Barry Connick Jr.'s job. Speaking of dead, Barry Connick's up. So Barry Connick Jr. actually, with the diehard feat, stabilizes

at negative 11 hit points. Oh, jeez. So he just goes down and stabilizes. Yes, he goes down, he stabilizes at negative 11. He's got a con of 13. But he's stable.

He's stable, right. That's the beauty of the diehard feat. Ingra Hilt has it as well. Do-ba-do-do, Alex Jones is right about everything. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!, the He really had nothing going on that round. All he did was take out the bear, but now the area is clear. It is the bodyguard's turn. First one strikes at Baron, second one strikes at, oh, excuse me, strikes at Ingrahild. Oh, the first one does. Yeah, and the second one strikes.

Is grappled. The second one is grappled. Let's resolve Ingrahild first. Strikes Ingrahild and hits Ingrahild. Four. Ooh, ooh,rihild. Four. Ooh. Ooh, Ingrihild. Oh, Ingrihild.

24 points of damage to Ingrihild. Brutal. Minus one. Oh, well, I guess the parrot is no longer in effect because I'm gone. Oh, that's great. Does it radiate from you? It doesn't like...

I think it radiates from me. Okay. I'll look it up. Boom! Takes a a big hit the second one is grappled by della i just see della like is jumped on its back it attempts to break the grapple natural one okay natural one beautiful so what does that mean it means it's still grappled all right yeah you can't do anything else that was not only could it not do anythingled. All right. Yeah, it can't do anything else. That was your standard action. Not only could it not do anything, it now has to spend next round trying to break the grapple

unless you do so as well. Oh, no, wait. Prayer is still in effect. It's a burst centered on me, so it's just like boom. And then it just stays there. It's a burst effect centered on me, so it stays in effect for five rounds, regardless of whether I'm actually still there.

Like an obscuring mist. Like it has to be on you, but then it stays. It starts on me, and then it stays. The aura of prayer remains close to Desna's chapel. Lord's gonna need it. Hey, does prayer by any chance give you one hit point of healing per round? Yes.

We lift it up. Wait, wait, wait. Let's pause for a minute. That's a house rule that I am instituting now. I'm officially instituting. It's called the Episode 69 rule. You've heard of Keep Hope Alive. This is Keep Lork Alive.

We call it the 69 rule, and people just think it's going to be something else. I don't know why. Baron, you are now up. Now, Ingerhild, unfortunately, has made things slightly more difficult for you, but this thing has taken a minus to its dex and to its strength from your last crit.

So minus four to attack, but its touch AC is even lower now, so you just got to shoot and don't hit Ingerhild. No problem, boss. You'll need her in her four attacks. Oh, wait. I have to quick clear. Yeah, you do. I have to use it.

Oh, the quick clear. That's right. Crit followed by a fumble. So I... I am going to spend my crit point to use that as a move action. For some reason, I just heard in my head, you say,

okay, so quick clear followed by a fumble. Or followed by a misfire. I was like, that's really rude. He hasn't even rolled the die. And I'm going to get up close and deadly. Now, you only get one shot where you use the move action?

Yeah. Okay. Make it count. I can technically pull both barrels, but that's kind of cheesy. I'll pull your barrel. Crack die. Crack die. That's crack die.

All right. That is a 19 against Touch AC. Of course it is. Boom, bullet. Sales passing Grail's head. Come on, Grant. Max damage. I won't accept anything less.

You got all of them. Oh, wait, but I get one more. So that's seven points of up close and deadly damage plus 11 points of regular damage. Minimum regular damage. Bummer. I think you're going to have to accept it. Yeah.

I think it's safe to say. I'm sorry. This giant orc has been attacked by many things, but has never been riddled with bullets. Yet it lives. Above zero? Above zero. Okay.

Oh, thank you for reminding me, because I forgot that these have ferocity as well. I completely forgot until you just said that. Hopefully Ingrahild and her four attacks can make up the difference. Swing number one. Oh, Ingrahild.

No. A two. Oh, no. She rolled a two! Ingrahild! Swing number two with the Dwarven War Axe. Natural 20. Get the fuck out of here! To confirm, uh, confirm! Yeah! Nice, nice. Ingra Hilt back in town.

All right. Ingra Hilt. Ingra Hilt, slashing weapon. Ooh, broad swipe. Cause it's a swipe by a broad, I tell ya. Normal damage. Tom Exposition. Normal damage and 1d8

bleed. I'm gonna use Grant's giant dude in here. 1d8 bleed? Hold on, hold on, hold on. The bleed gets, I've looked this all up too recently. It starts on his turn and it gets rolled every round.

So 1d8 bleed does not mean like, what did you roll? 2. Okay, it's 2 bleed every round. No, it's 1d8 bleed every round. Oh, okay. So 1d8 bleed does not mean like, what did you roll? Two. Okay, it's two bleed every round. No, it's 1d8 bleed every round. So you just roll it each round to see how much blood spurts out. Okay. She does nine points of damage and takes it below zero. Yeah.

Two more attacks. Two more attacks. She could outright kill this. Attack number one. Oh. Miss. And the final attack.. Attack number one. Miss. And the final attack. Come on, Ingra Hild.

Miss. Just couldn't get the job done. She's the best at hitting once and missing three times. Now we move our scene to the swift shores of the Esk as Galabras stands next to the dam. I have two maps here. I have one map hanging with a G for Galabras. On the wall. of the Esk as Galabras stands next to the dam. I have two maps here. I have one map hanging with a G for Galabras. On the wall.

On the wall. Galabras, what do you do? I go to the latch that I can see that's above water and see if I can work it, open it. Okay, so Galabras just floats down. And mind you, you've got five rounds of this, right? At least. Yeah. Yeah, so Galabras just floats down. And mind you, you've got five rounds of this, right? At least. Yeah.

So Galabras just floats down. You see orcs like 20 feet below you. They're all milling about, all gathering, about to come rush the courtyard to kill your friends. And you see the latch. It is easily accessible as a standard action. You can just lift it up. I do.

Galabras lifts up the lash. And you see the water start to swell up behind. So now you got to get the next one. Next round. It is now round six, perhaps. Della. Della, you are grappling this giant orc. Alright, let me ask you this question.

So Della knows what? Galabras has peaced on out. Yes. We don't know why. And we don't know why. Right. He told Baron just hang out here. I'll be back.

Alright. In an American accent. No, he just looked at Baron. He didn't even say anything. That's right. He gave him a look like, all these guys are close. They've hung out a lot. I'm going to tell you what I want to do. And I'm going to tell you why you can't. That's the job of a GM. That's why I became a GM.

So Della being the hundred pound when wet shadow creature that she is. Oh yeah, she's so, so weak. Well, she knows she's not going to be able to maintain a grapple on a large creature. Fair enough. Fair enough. Correct.

So what I want to do, what Della wants to do is release the grapple and kind of move this creature away and then rush to Lork's side to force a potion down his throat. You want to move the creature away? Yeah, can I, like you said, a bull rush? I mean, what's the game mechanic for that? You don't want to do that. Yeah, it's not an option. It's just not an option by the rules.

It's ridiculous. If you released it and did a bull rush, you immediately provoke an attack of opportunity from him. If I release and move, I still provoke an attack of opportunity from him, right? But, I mean, you don't need to move. Yeah, Lork's five feet away. Lork's right need to move. Yeah, Lork's five feet away. Lork's right next to you.

Lork's body is five feet away. Now, you could argue that you using your action to give Lork a potion would provoke from him. It also doesn't interrupt the action, but Troy might also not take it. He's obviously in a giving mood. Obviously. How are you doing on hit points there, Della? I'm not great, to be honest. I'm not that great.

So if I take this hit, it's going to be... I wish someone other than the cleric could fly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You have any thoughts on that subject, Troy?

Yeah, I mean, if you could maintain the grapple, you can move the creature up to five feet in any direction as long as it's safe. It can't try to escape.

I was referring to your merciless killing of Gormley. Oh, am I going to take the attack of opportunity? No, I was just chastising you for killing my character. Subordinately, I'm going to take the attack of opportunity. Here's the question, though. Has anyone of us done a check to even tell if we think he's breathing, if he's alive, if he's dead?

Yeah, I mean, Galabras channeled, and how much did you channel? 14. And he's still down. 14? I thought, I had it as 12. No, it was 14. 14. Are you up? I might be at exactly zero.

You know what? That belt is worthless now. God damn it. I take away the power I get. All right. But I still need the belt. So you are disabled? Is that what you are? Yeah.

He's disabled. And we can say that, no, we can say I'm still unconscious until I take any more, but I'm at zero. So, no, I'm definitely stable. I'm definitely stable. But I will die when the belt goes off. Still, I'm at zero. What was your con?

Mine? His con is 16 when raging and 12 when not raging. Okay. It's all very complicated. Let me clarify. Galabras' healing stabilized me at zero, right? But I need the belt to be at zero. Without the belt, I still permanently die, even when I'm at zero.

So, like, I need to heal one hit point in the next two rounds, or Lork is permanently dead. Dead. So, now, you don't know that, and I hate talking strategy like that, but just, you know. So, you know. All right. If you don't know, now you know. don't know now you know I'm trying to think I'm gonna see from I I I hear you I'm trying to see from Della's

perspective I think with this guy grappled after just quitting him I think her instincts would be to try for this round to try to kill him and then then rush to your side I am 100% on board with whatever you do. I just kind of wanted to make the situation, clarify the situation. That's all. Just wanted to point out, Matthew, that if Lork dies, it's your fault.

Exactly. I'd like to get on Matthew's mic for a second. Does this make you uncomfortable with me so close to you while you try to make these life or death decisions? Yes. Matthew, what do you do? All right. Della is going to free action release the grapple.

Okay. And shocking grasp. Shaka cusp! So I got to roll. Shaka con? I got to roll defensive. Roll the cast defensively. Again, I need a four or better.

But if you fail, he attacks you anyway. I know. This is crazy. Okay, I got it. Just barely again. Oh, my God. Thank God. This is like Lork's life on the line

with every one of Della's rolls. I'm like, what did you roles. What did you roll? What did you roll? I think it's safe to say the party has never been in more dire straits. This makes the Oiga fight look like a cakewalk. Definitely individual party members have been in more dire straits, but the party, I think, as a whole has never been in more dire straits. All right, here we go.

Shocking grasp. Rolling to hit. Critical threat. Whoa! Ow! Ow! Oh my god. You're rolling it through your sim sim tar this is the greatest character of all time 24 to confirm oh that is a confirmed crit come on two crits this this combat so far two crits i believe i've lost track of my crits you need that double uh can i still do the okay well

here are my options oh wing tear is is the slashing damage double damage. Can I still do the... Okay, well, here are my options. Wing tear is the slashing damage. Double damage and target loses flight if it uses wings. That's not good. The magic damage is normal damage if elemental spell medium elemental appears to serve for... I'm just going to do the wing tear. What? And take the double damage. A medium lightning elemental appears?

Oh, wait. It's elemental spell, though. This isn't an elemental spell. Yes, it appears? Oh, wait. It's an elemental spell, though. This isn't an elemental spell. Yes, it is. Shocking Grass, but it's electricity. It's thunder. You'd have a thunder elemental. Is that...

Oh, is that... Does it have to be fire, water, earth? Air. Yeah. Damn it. Fire, water, earth, air. It's the one that is not an elemental spell. It says...

Oh, wait, wait. School of Shocking Grass. Evocation. Air elemental. Metal elemental says, oh, wait, wait. School of Shocking Grass. Advocation, air elemental, metal elemental. Electricity. Oh. Oh. So it's, oh, my God. That would be pretty sweet.

Oh, my God. That is one of the coolest. So you hit it with Shocking Grass, and the electricity turns into a lightning, or an air elemental. A medium air elemental. So Della's, like, fury and anger charging into the spell just rips a hole in the continuum

and the elemental appears. Exactly. Oh, that's awesome. That is so badass. All right, roll the damage. Okay. Oh my god. I have a feeling I'm writing a We Are Stupid on this.

Yeah, well. For now, it's awesome. It says air elemental. I'm rolling it as it goes, so. Okay, 20 normal damage. Three fire damage. And then let's do the shocking Okay, 20 normal damage. Woo! Three fire damage. And then let's do the shocking grasp.

20 normal damage. I rolled a 10 double damage. Oh, no, it was normal damage. No, you're... 10 damage. No, no. If you take the magic, you don't do anything to the physical damage. You only crit the magic damage.

Right. You understand? That's what you did last time. You only crit the physical damage and not the magic damage because you took the physical crit. So you're right. Normal damage, it says. So and not the magic damage because you took the physical crit. So you're right.

Normal damage, it says. So wait, are you going to- It doesn't matter what it says on the card is what I'm saying. Like, if you choose to take the magic route, your physical damage is always normal, even if it said double damage on the magic. Make sense? Yeah, but it's still normal damage, right? Shocking. Oh, yeah.

In this case, yeah. 10 normal damage, 3 fire damage, and here's the shocking grasp damage. Well, that sounds good. 17 shocking grasp damage. Oh, my lord. It is in the negative. And then a medium air elemental appears. And I'm going to say it attacks on this turn.

Yeah, it's like a summoned creature appearing on this round. Yeah. Pause for edit. Pause for me looking at the stat block for an air elemental. Why don't you just roll to hit? Yeah, yeah. You might just roll. Just roll.

Maybe you roll another crit. Natural six. So 15 to slam. Miss. Miss. But there is another creature now threatening the orc giant. Right. Can I say it appears in a flanking position?

And that actually is a 17 to hit? Maybe roll for it. You know what? You can put it anywhere you want. Wow. It's a summoned creature.

It's a summoned creature. Does a 17 hit? Now, this isn't the one. 18. 18. It's an 18 hit. Wait, really? Yeah.

Prayer. Prayer and flanking. Wow. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, no. It wouldn't get the bonus from prayer because it wasn't in the initial burst area. Okay.

So no hit. But it is flanking. Okay, so the air elemental missed. Missed. So close! But he is flanking. But he is a flanking. And I don't even know whose turn it is. I don't even know what game we're playing. This has gotten out of hand. It's General Kargik's turn.

Oh, shit. Kargik steps up. Coup de Grace against Barry Connick Jr. Coup de Grace against Lork. Or just take out Della. And then all that's left is a couple

of dwarfs. You're not gonna roll a d6, are you? The cleric went high-tailing out of here. He's the smart one. That's what the general thinks. Yeah. He steps up to attack Della. Gets one swing. This is so bad.

Do you want to just roll in front of you? Oh. Oh, God. Almost a critical threat. What is he using, a greatsword? A greatsword. Okay. And you mentioned earlier that it seemed like it was magical, right?

I did indeed. I did indeed, Matthew. I'm glad you pay attention. It's a sort of fetchling slaying. I'm glad we got a. It's a sort of fetchling slaying. I'm glad we got a nice final scene from Della. Della's passed before she's permanently dead. A couple of ones on those d6s.

And a couple of 6s. 19 points of damage. Are you unconscious? Nope. Oh, thank God. Just barely. Della, barely standing. Kargik is now set up to do multiple attacks against Della next round. Let's just take a look at the scene here.

Yeah. Lork, unconscious, one round away from permanent death? Permanent death, yeah. Barry Connick Jr. stabilized. Well, he's got two rounds. His turn is coming up, right? Right. Yeah.

We split in hairs Barry Connick Jr. stabilized But two points away from permadeath Della just got crunched by General Kargik Who is now disabled And using Enacting ferocity I believe actually the bodyguards Are also enacting ferocity

But Della is close to At least unconsciousness She's not She's not looking great. Not looking great. Ingrahild just got smashed by the giant that Baron has now done significant damage to both its strength and its dex.

Baron is hoping to kill it next round, but will it kill Ingrahild and Baron will be left alone to face everybody? Meanwhile, the orcs are mobilizing and the mount! And Galabras has undone one of the latches of the dam. And we'll have to now go underwater to undo the next one. It is

Lork's turn? Oh, Lork. Barry Connick Jr. Yeah, so we're both down, I think. Yeah, so that's it. Another round ticks away. So if at the end of his next round he isn't healed, it's a seriously permanent deadlock. It brings a new question as to whether seven is a lucky or unlucky number.

One swing at Ingrahild, and then the other one is going to swing at the elemental. I'm going to give you a chance here. Natural one against Ingrahold. It only has one attack, so it fumbled against Ingrahold. I feel like you guys should be more excited about that. Pretty excited.

I'm just saying the ramifications of that. I'm doing the math. Vibration. It's only for bludgeoning weapons. Oh, I've seen that one before. Yeah, if it was a bludgeoning weapon, it would... So it's just a miss. Yeah, it's strength damage.

But a miss is as good as anything else. Yep. And now it will strike and hopefully kill the air elemental. 23 to hit the air elemental. Hit. Oh, is it going to kill it? Is it going to kill it? 17 points of damage still up still nice nice all right baron a lot is going on talk to me what's going through your head you've seen people fall

like flies as far as you know lork is dead as far as you know barry connick jr is dead yes um glamorous gave you a head nod and took off off Baron's gonna take a five foot step forward And he is going to do A rapid shot No not that way just straight ahead So that I can move closer towards the other Bodyguard were I to take this one down Okay yeah so that's why I moved you there

Cause you can't to that bodyguard You're at a corner I mean whatever he's small No you can handle it So Let's rapid shot. All right. So first attack at the one threatening ingrailed. Correct.

He is less than 20 feet away. This will be touch AC against the first. I feel like a tennis man. 21. Yes. 14. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. That's got to do it. Still a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's got to do it. Still not dead. Oh, you're kidding me. God damn it. One more shot. One more shot. They have too many.

Too much con. Too much con. 18 against Touch Ace. And it dies. All right. Oh, my God. Is that the first thing we've killed on this battlefield? Yep. Oh, my God. Well, maybe first thing we've killed on this battlefield? Yep.

Oh my god. Well, maybe I'm low. And you. And you by not saving you. By our own incompetence. I mean, Barricade Jr., Lork, I'm low, Droja. Okay. So my last shot, I'm outside of my first range increment for both the bodyguard and Kargik.

And Kargik. You could hit Della. That's right, Touch AC, I think. I'm just saying... Certainly could hit Lork. Can I Coup de Gras Lork? No, so... What's the gun up to Lork's hand?

You're in trouble, Lork. To this whole party. You failed. Too many natural ones for my taste. That would be such an odd turn. He just saunters up. And then says to Kargik, like, now I'm in.

Is that offer still on the table? I just pull out a tub of green paint, and I just paint my face. So, I am going to go against the other remaining bodyguards. Regular AC. Regular AC.

Regular AC. So that's minus four. And then outside of my first range increment is minus six. Minus six to this roll. Oh, he's shaking. He's dropped the die. Natty 19. Natty 19. So that is minus three.

So that's a 16 against regular AC. 16 against regular AC. Fences! On a natural 19? Well, yeah, because my third attack is a plus three, and then minus six, so it's a negative three. Wait, why is it minus six? Because he's in melee,

and I'm outside of my first range increment, which is minus two. Got it. I guess the gunslingers aren't perfect. Ingerhild begins moving towards the next bodyguard. Wow. She gets... You know she could charge and attack.

But you're laying there. That doesn't matter. That doesn't factor in. All right, she will charge. Natural 19 is a critical threat. Yes! I believe. No, not with an axe.

Not with an axe? What about a magical axe? Axes times three Let's hit it's a hit She does ten points of damage to the other one It is I didn't know his journey is it's meanwhile back at the dam This is it's a you just pitch it's so Galabras has undone the first latch. The water is like pushing against it now,

but with his 32 perception, he knows the other latch. Of course, not going to make it easy, is underwater in the Esk River tributary. Galabras, what do you do? So I was looking this up during my substantial time between turns. And, uh, there's a great, there's a, there's an argument to be made that the flight spell would still be in effect underwater. So I wouldn't have to make, right.

So I wouldn't have to make swim checks. I'd move it like half speed maybe. Right. You would have to think your body weight has changed significantly. Yeah. Um, so you're thinking about your body weight has changed significantly. Yeah. So you're thinking about just diving straight in while flying. Yes.

And that will avoid the swim checks. Right. I'm making a call on the fly because you did such a bold maneuver to leave the party behind. You can go in there. All right. Okay. And this is what I do. I go down there. Calabras goes down.

And you just, you're like, You're almost standing in the water, but you don't have to work against the current. The current is pushing against you. You can feel it's very, very strong, this tributary. I'm hovering there like Michael Phelps. Roll a perception check. 25. Galabras!

Nailed it! Yes! So Galabras Nailed it Yes So Galabras flies away Lork doesn't see this He's unconscious Berry Connick Jr. Can't talk Has no idea what's going on Baron is just killing

These giant bodyguards As best he can Ingrahild is now stepped up You know that Kargik And the bodyguard Are in the negative This army is amassing over here And Galabras goes underwater And sees The latch Targik and the bodyguard are in the negative. This army is amassing over here.

And Galabras goes underwater and sees the latch that he needs to pull to flood the moat. But just as he sees it. No. He hears a rush of sound behind him as an enormous creature comes swimming straight for Galadriel.

And we'll see you next week. No! No, no, no, not with Lork. You can't leave Lork like that. Oh, it's a river fucking thing. It's a dragon. It's a river fucking thing. It's a dragon. It's a river dragon. Outro Music