The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 80 - Mighty Orphan Power Rangers

Episode Date: December 6, 2016

Drawn by the cries of a frightened infant, the adventurers come across the shattered remains of a farmhouse - but they are not alone! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, the heroes stumble into the aftermath of a brutal attack. Willamette is going to immediately start riding quickly toward the house. There's a child in danger! And their overconfidence... I never miss. And I roll. I hit! Oh no, maybe not. Might spell their doom.

If this claw hits, we're going to Rentown. Joe, do you want to go to Ren Town? Your rolls are amazing. Unless a desperate new stratagem could provide salvation. Della's going to do something I've never tried before. Della, put your top back on. The adventure continues now. Well, ding dong, the witch is dead, and I don't mean Gormley. She's been dead for quite a while.

She's not returning, but the boys are back for another episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. It's me, Grant Berger, a.k.a. Baron Redheart, and I am very excited that we've settled another debt to Silvermane and the Druidic Council. And speaking of the Wizard of Oz, I do really like that we are pretty close to the original cast. We've got Dorothy, Della, the girl from another dimension, leading a crew of munchkins delighted by the windy death that befell a wicked old foe. I suppose we should cast the rest. Obviously, Sir Will is the tin man in his shining Highbury plate, barren the gruff old hairy cowardly lion too scared to take Nargrim's steel hand. And of course, the very scary Nestor Coyne, the scarecrow. Oh, and I almost forgot, trusted steed Lexington is Toto. Now, we've got to follow the yellow brick road laid out before us through the Mindspin Mountains

on a perilous journey to come face to face with the Wizard of Oz, Volstis the Storm Tyrant. With all these storms and bells ringing, I'm reminded of the song I played in my head during the battle with Awiga, For Whom the Bell Tolls, from Metallica's Ride the Lightning. Look it up, millennials. And for whom does the bell toll? Well, it tolls for thee. When you follow us on Facebook and Twitter, subscribe to our YouTube channel, and leave us a review on iTunes. Without further ado, here's episode 80, Mighty Orphan Power Rangers. here's episode 80, Mighty Orphan Power Rangers. percent to the pot. Well, you know, I don't think you can... Can you put custom sounds into Syrinscape? No. I don't think you can. I don't think you can, which it would be cool if you could, but...

Turn off all the other ambient noises for a second. Silence and a baby crying, and then back to the... You could have made a drop for Skid to play it. Yeah, I could do it. Right. God. You see a house with a boulder lodged

ahead of it and there's some saxophone music coming from the end oh baby what's going on in that cabin that's my jam

so you know pretty crazy combat you guys finally vanquished Ewiga I think it was like episode 55 was Ewiga Please I think so and 79 Ewiga Please part 2

so there are no loose ends left in the entire adventure that's it that settles it all and I've been angry at Troy all week because I argued that I put my left hand on my hat when I stepped into that wind wall. And he says my hat's gone. The hat is gone.

I had to fight. Did any of you hear him say he put his hand on his hat? I didn't hear that. I also thought it was ridiculous that it was a mile away. I was like, that was really, really quick. That's a wind wall. That's a quick mile. So we're looking for a haberdashery.

Hopefully it's not the building that's being pelted with boulders right now or if I'm screwed. Yeah. Oh my God. You should see if like ultimate equipment has some sort of magic cowboy hat on it. Plus one to wisdom. Magical returning hat. It's called the Indiana Jones fedora. You know, the worst part is that that hat had all his fishing lures in it.

All his flies. All his flies. All his flies. So yeah who wants to play Umlo this week? I think I'm going to do it. I talked to Skid

and I'm going to try out Umlo this week. How does your Umlo sound? Has he come down the British Isle a little?

What's your interpretation of Umlo? Skid's a little Scottishy. Like this. Wait. Scottishy?

I'll try to get the Scottishy. Skid went Scottishy. Let's do more northern. Northern Scottishy. Like this. Wait. Scottishy? I'll try to get the Scottishy. Well, no, skip my Scottishy. Let's do more northern, bud. So a little northern Scottish, no? Wait. I need a minute.

I need to work on it. I need to work on it. I think I could get it. No. No. God damn it. It's so hard. He's played by Jeremy Renner, too.

We've cast him and everything. I want to see that artwork. I think I might just try to stick with the Troy for now. That's good. Yeah, that's good. The Troy. Everybody do the Troy! This is Troy's voice for every character that's tough.

That's a Trojan accent. It is. Literally. It's a Trojan accent. Trojan accent. Trojan accent. Trojan accent. All right. You guys figured out your healing.

I hand-waved it at the end of the last episode because I didn't want to round out the episode with you being like, uh, cure light wounds, four points. Well, you didn't hand-wave it. You just made us do it off-air. I made you do it off-air, yes. Correctly. Yeah, I didn't allow you to heal

but no so you guys are pretty good now on your ability damage right I mean I still have 3 strength you're still down 3 strength oh because of Ewig he got Ewig'ed the strength damage oh do you need that healed I can heal that

oh yeah that would have been lovely yeah because she healed one point from you guys rested The strength damage. Oh, do you need that healed? I can heal that. Oh, yeah. That would have been lovely. Okay. Yeah, because she healed one point from the guys rested. But yeah. So you said we had rested one night, right? Yeah, I had prepared another spell, but I wouldn't have done that

if I knew you needed that. I thought that everything we had left now was drain, in which case it's useless. Yeah, I forgot that. Here's a quick D4 for your strength damage. Three. Yeah. All right, so Skid a quick D4 for your strength damage. Three. Yeah! All right, so, Skidder,

is Nestor good on damage? Damage, yes. I'm still pretty badly drained. And Umlo is badly drained. And do you have any drain, Della? No. No, so it's just Umlo and Nestor are down on drain. So you guys need a cleric with some diamond dust.

Yes. Or dust and diamond. Dust and diamond. Or just 100 dust and diamonds. Dressed as a cleric. some diamond dust. Yes. Or dust and diamond. Dust and diamond. Or just 100 dust and diamonds. Dressed as a cleric. Preferably the diamond dust. Oh my God, dust and diamond. It's a little known fact that dust and diamond

possesses the powers of restoration. He gave up his acting career to cast restoration on PCs. They call me Screech of the Mindspin Mountains. I've been healing. And that cave is a screech. All right, so you guys are in pretty good shape and you set off towards wherever this map is telling you to go,

where this alleged Minderhall's Valley is. And you know Minderhall is an ancient, now defunct giant god. The first giant, the creator of all giants. The maker. The maker. And the unmaker. And the unmaker.

You know that somehow the hammer of Asgroth was tied into this. It had the symbol of Minderhall on it and as Brander raised it above his head, he said something about the forge. Forge of Minderhall. The forge of Minderhall. Agrimash.

I will strike a da-da-da-da. But that's gone. That's as gone as Lork, that hammer. But now you make your way. The difference, though, is that that hammer was reliable my favorite meme so far is someone posted the original artwork of lork and said in quotes don't leave town and then the bottom leaves town Scumbag. So you guys have decided to take a much needed break into a little town, Shinerman's Fortune.

And in doing so, you had to kind of veer off the main path, but you were able to follow a stream with an overgrown footpath, which allowed you to make some better travel. Then you start to see, you hear in the distance, a baby crying. Some sort of like, and you look, and I don't know if I made this clear, actually I'm pretty sure I didn't make this clear, the cottage wasn't being bombarded by boulders,

it had already been bombarded by boulders, so there was a boulder sticking out of one side of the house, and the roof is caved in, and you hear some sort of movement, and the faint sound of an infant crying that Joe forgot to bring with him today. You should just brought Gwendolyn. Oh my God. I hear it every day.

Just put her right where the map goes. It's a weird ritual. Of course, the minute you want her to cry, I'm sure she's like. She won't. Yeah. She'll just be smiling with glee. In a small clearing of... Ah, nice.

It's a cackle. It's a cackle. In a small clearing a few hundred feet from the stream where you guys are, a wisp of smoke trickles from the chimney of a two-story stone cottage. Its front door has been bashed inward, its splintered panels hanging crookedly from a single hinge. Several large chips mar the exterior stonework, and a sizable hole has been torn in the thatched roof. Loud crashing noises come from within.

So you guys see this cottage up in the distance. Boulder crushed into one side of it. The door just hanging on its hinges and the roof. Oh, shit. What was that? What was that, Joe? You guys are all mounted and you see this. What do you do?

Willamette is going to immediately start riding quickly toward the house. He's like, yeah, because he's like, there's a child in danger. And little known fact, Lexington has a soft spot for babies, for children. For eating them? So he hears the whimper from afar

and he starts to like, and like jolt a little bit. And Will controls him, but then he immediately starts to ride toward the house quickly. Okay, so Willamette makes all haste. Della is like, oh shit, and charges after to give Will some backup.

Baron Umlo Nestor? Oh, Umlo's on the horse with me. Oh, that's right. I'll ride alongside Nestor behind them. If Nestor wants to come. Okay. Is anyone dismounting? Nestor dismounts and pulls out his bow.

It's ready. When we get within, you know, 10 feet of the house or so, Del will hop off. Okay. And Umlo as well, I'm assuming. She's going to kick some off on the other side.

I don't know how to ride this thing. I like it. Willamette in the vanguard. Sorry, wrong thing. So yeah, Willamette rides up. Does it look like those are trees or bushes around the house? These are bushes.

Yeah, they're all bushes around the house. Okay, can I do a perception on the general area first, just to kind of see where there might be danger coming from. Obviously, boulders are flying in. I kind of want to see if I can see where they're coming from. Well, you don't see any boulders flying in. Boulders already flew in past tense. Right, I understand. Obviously, boulders

flew in. Right. See if I can see where they're coming from. Nine. Twenty for Della. Nine, twenty for Della. Della, you're looking around uh i mean it looks like these boulders came from the west east excuse me from the east does 26 give me anything special you don't you with a 26 if you look off in that direction you discern the same thing as della you do not see any other creatures coming on the horizon okay we hear we hear creatures within you hear something crashing within and a baby crying.

And there's no voices or any kind of vocal utterances? No, it's a stone building, so the sound is only coming through the sort of broken hinges of the door, and it's just like... Don't be careful with those. Troy started grabbing random objects. I'm just trying to grab something and shake it. Sounds like a party. They're taking out the recycling.

Now's the time to strike. All right, Willamette is going to, if nothing else changes, Willamette is going to continue doing a perimeter around the house. Okay. Wide. Without a tool,

about a 15-foot berth between him and the house. Are there windows in the house? See if there's any openings, any way berth between him and the house. See if there's any openings, any way he can see in to the house. There is a window here. Okay. Rolling perception. Sure. Rolling perception into the window.

13. So you look into the window, 13, and you see another like a wall. You see that it's like a bedroom, basically. And it's in shambles. The roof looks like the ceiling looks like a bedroom. And you can see that the house continues around the corner, but you can't see into the next

room. And that is where the sound of the crashing is coming. You see things moving about. If you look up, would you roll for perception? for perception 13 13 so you look up and you see that the ceiling of the room is like partially collapsed and it's creating like a uh like a little you know you could get to the second floor if you could climb up that hole you know what i mean like the boulder crashed through and almost decimated so there's this is a two-floor house two-story house two-story house okay della would like to listen at the door. All right, so Della walks up to the door and listens in.

17. 17, you listen in and you just hear... And you see, like, green skin moving back and forth. You see a large creature moving back and forth. Della? Willamette's going to continue back around to regroup with the party. Seize Della at the door. Della will whisper what she's seen.

I'm going to move up behind Della, a bit to her right and ready an action. If I see this creature, if I see the creature I'm going to take a shot. The door is on its hinges so it's not like you have to open it but you've got to

kick it down. Della is going to draw her whip and she gives Nestor a nod. Umloa is going to step up right next to Della. Okay. Della is going to make a signal to the other

she's going to kick in the door and then let the ranged characters do their work alright so boom kick in the door boom kicks in where's Baron in all of this Baron was going to see if it looked like he could climb up to that second floor that was mentioned where the boulders are

it's easily scalable. If Baron went around to the east side of the building, half of the wall has been crunched in by a large boulder that's wedged its way in. You can't get into the building that way, but you can see that's half in the building, half out. You figure you could probably

it's 20 feet up. If you want to roll a climb check, you could get up there in two rounds, or if you want to do it before Della kicks down the door want to roll a climb check you could get up there in two rounds or if you want to do it before that Della kicks down the door alright yeah so just just roll a climb check

fail 8 alright so you're trying to get up the boulder and you're just like ah shit I can't do it I scrape my butt and I follow back

behind the rest of the party if you took your time you might be able to get up there but you realize time is of the essence alright so Baron you try to climb up there instead you go back around

Della boom kicks in the door and you guys see the body of a large creature it's not quite a giant uh roll knowledge local it might be local local to philadelphia local local if it's uh yeah roll a knowledge local Local. To Philadelphia. Local. Local. If it's a... Yeah, roll a knowledge local. 19. Natural 20 for Willamette. 25.

22. Willamette, you know a troll when you see one. Oh, yeah. A troll. And just... Oh, shit. Boom, you can't get up and... Which is a troll.

Roll for initiative. We must roll for initiative. Troll for initiative. Roll for initiative. We must roll for initiative. Troll for initiative. Roll for initiative. I know what to do. Roll with the roll with the roll with the roll for initiative. Man, that sounded great. Yeah.

All right, where are my over 20s? 20, 29. This club is 20 only. 20 above. 21. 29 for Nestor. Yeah. 21 for Della. Is that a is 20 only. 20 above. 21. 29 for Nestor? Yeah. 21 for Della. Is that a natural 20? Mm-hmm. Son of a

gun. What's your modifier there, Dells? Plus 7. Okay. And anybody above 15? Umlo is 15. Okay. Baron? 12. Willamette? 13. Very interesting.

Nest a coin. And he's like, oh, don't like trolls, not much. And I'm going to study the target, and I'm going to take a full attack with the deadly aim on. All right. So you're shooting around a door, So what, does it just get cover? No, no, no. I'm supposed to be behind Della.

Oh, you're behind Della. To her right. Oh, up here. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so it's going to get a little bonus to a safe seat. All right. Well, I rolled a 28, so. 28 hits.

Right past Della. Della's just... 12 damage. Awful. Okay. And second attack. 15. 15 misses.

91. Nestor, he's course corrected. All right. Della. Della's going to take a five-foot step back. Five-foot step back. Spell combat, spell strike with a whip. Oh, jeepers.

You had the whip drawn. I had the whip drawn, and that was when we burst in. All right, so you draw the whip, spell combat, spell strike, through the door. Frigid touch. That's a 14 to hit. That is a miss. And is that it?

What else can I do? That's a full round action. Oh, that's it? Yeah. I thought there was going to be another action in there. I thought you can attack twice. Can't you just attack with the whip now? I thought the whole spell combat thing was you attack twice.

I feel like there was more to that. I know. I'm just going to attack with the whip.? I thought the whole spell combat thing was you attack twice. I feel like there was more to that. I know, I'm just going to attack with the whip. Miss. The whip is still charged. You hit Willamette. Roll a d100. It's melee. All right, the troll.

What is the troll going to do? How did it get in there? That's an excellent question. The troll. It looks comically large. The doorway is five feet wide. He probably got in before the second boulder. I have no idea.

He went in limb by limb? Yeah, well, you can imagine maybe he got through the door and just he had time to get in there. Well, they do regenerate, so maybe he ripped off his limbs and threw them through the door. Dislocated both shoulders. All right, so from where he's standing here, he is going to do an attack at Umlo. Umlo will get partial cover.

First attack is a bite. 22 on old Umlo. That's a bite. 22 on old Umlo. That's a hit. Alright, so he bites through the door. Bites Umlo for nine points of damage. Then goes to claw Umlo. 18. Miss. And

16. So both claws miss. And it is now Umlo's turn. It's just trying to like, reaching outside the door. Oh, and then it's going to move to the side. So now Umlo can't see it at all?

No. Okay, Umlo is going to move immediately into the room. Okay. And to the back corner of the room to separate himself 10 feet away. He's going to attack, he's going to provoke an attack of the room to separate himself 10 feet away. He's going to provoke an attack of opportunity.

So that he will try another bite. But hold on. Before you say what it is, he is going to enact combat expertise to increase his AC. I think we might need a drop for combat expertise. Oh. Ooh. Ooh.

Nerd Skeet's got something plain to do. It is time for Nerdy. Combat expertise. Do you know it, Skid? No, I've never used it. Yeah, none of us have it in the party, but he does. And basically, it's a low-level feat that you take,

which is actually a starter feat for a lot of other feats in a really neat combat tree basically what it does is it allows you to switch your attack bonus into your ac round by round that is cool so you can lower your two hit and increase your ac a dodge bonus to your ac and i believe at this high level i believe you can decrease your hit by 2 to increase your AC by 3 or maybe 4, something like that. What makes combat expertise different from fighting defensively? Nothing

really except that you know what, I'm not sure I mean I think the fighting defensively is minus 4 to hit for fighting defensively from plus 2 bonus I believe. It would be minus two. If your base attack bonus is over plus four, below plus eight,

the penalty increases by negative one, and your dodge boost increases by plus one. So you get minus two plus two. That's combat expertise, or that's fighting? That's combat expertise. Minus two plus two. So, yeah, I'm going to buff his AC and take a minus two to hit, which isn't really great because he's got a lot of strength

damage, but he's just trying to be defensive right now. The bite as you ran into the room because you can't move around a corner was an 18. Okay, so that's a miss. So Kling off the dragon nail armor and he's going to shove his spear at it. And that's an 18

to hit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That is a 20 to hit. Yeah, you said it. Yeah, I worked it. And that does 11 points of damage. Nice. Boy, all right. And that's giant subtype, too.

That is the giant subtype. Nope, then it's a lot more than that. Yeah. It's another seven points of damage on top. Man, this umlo is going to do very well against giants until I inevitably kill him. All right, Sir Will. Sir Willamette is going to be like,

the child! And he's going to dismount Lexington and say, stay, Lexington. And he'll do a ride check to dismount as a free action. And he fails. So it's just a move action. And he will move 15 feet closer to the door.

This is Willamette. Yeah. So he moves right up in front of the door. Yeah, he's right in front of the door. Okay. Baron. It's a tough one for Baron. He's got a gun. Close quarters.

You've got to imagine this too for you people listening at home. The building itself is only 20 feet wide and 25 feet long but because of the bedroom this small living room we'll say that they're in

is 15 feet long and 20 feet wide. It's very close quarters and the troll takes up almost half of the room. Baron's blocked by Willamette of moving into the room, right? Even if you could move through a friendly square. You can move through a friendly

square. Yeah, you can move through a friendly square. You just can't stay in that square. Got it. Oh, could I stand adjacent to Willamette and be able to see the giant from that corner? Yeah, it's gonna, you know, you're shooting. It's gonna get some bonuses, but to its AC. Okay, it's going to, you know, you're shooting. It's going to get some bonuses,

but to its AC. Okay, I will do that. Oh, Della's there. I'm sorry. No, I just put Della there. I thought that was you. I don't know why. So, all right.

So you stand to the right of Willamette. And fire through the door. Yep. What are his bonuses? Well, it's partial cover and you're shooting. It's double partial cover because it's through the door and through the limit. So it's plus four. Plus four to its AC.

Got it. Okay. I'm going to shoot at him. Ooh, that is a 25. That's a hit. That is 15 points of damage. Second shot. I'm not going to rapid shot to keep my...

Two hit higher? Yep. And that is a 15 against Touch AC. 15 against Touch AC misses. Okay. Wow. Roll a D100. You fucker.

Roll a D100. Always got to be shooting your gun. Oh, man. That could be just... 90. Oh, wow. 99 out of 100. always gotta be sure guys just 90 100 that would have been a bullet in Willamette's head I say if you run a natural 100 on the d100 the attack hits the yeah bounces off something I like the time let's think about stuff like that I think there's something in there yeah I think response I like that. Let's think about something like that. I think there's something in there. Classic response. I like that.

We'll think about it. I try not to make decisions in the moment. I try not to make decisions. All right. Off in the distance, this tiny little creature comes up and attacks Lexington. Oh, you're such an ass. What the fuck is this thing? It just comes out

of nowhere and I'll show you a picture of it. You're such an ass. I love that from Joe. It's this tiny little ferocious looking creature comes running up out of nowhere and attacks Lexington. It's like some sort of

cat. Yeah, it looks kind of like a big cat. Messed up bobcat thing. It has eight legs, and it comes flying at Lexington and goes to bite Lexington. 28. Yeah, that's a hit. Hits Lexington for 11 points of damage

and attempts to grab Lexington. Oh, God, 30-something. And it's a small creature? It's a small creature. It can grapple up to one size larger than itself. What don't you like about it, Joe? You're very upset. You're just gonna kill Lexington.

It's just so ridiculous. Well, you're the one that dismounted him. You knew the cost of dismounting Lexington. You knew that eight-legged cat was out there. You knew what she would do. This creature was going to attack whoever was left behind in the party. It is just grabbed

onto him and is holding it with all eight of its legs. We're going to have a poll up later to see if Joe hates this ruling more than Skid hates the missed arrow rule. The rule that I hate was just made up by some guy.

I made it up. It's not even real. Alright, next term. You know, I've been thinking I wish I could have opportunities to get into stealth so I could get my sneak attack, but it just doesn't ever seem to be any. Trees? Oh yeah, you can't get in position.

I can't. Can the troll see me from where he is right now? Since he went into the house? Well, can't you roll stealth to hide behind one of your allies? No, only if they're a size larger than me. Well, there's a bush right there. You could five foot step. Can the troll see me right now though? Because otherwise I have a minus

ten to my roll. Oh. I see what you're saying. I mean, yeah, he can see you but Stealth behind the bush. Oh No, no, no good buddy minus 10 so All right, so I'm gonna take a I'm gonna say what the fuck is that doing it that cat the octa meow or whatever it is Meow, I would take a five-foot step and take a couple shots at that thing. Oh, wait, no. I can see.

I still have a shot in the troll, right? Yeah, you do. I'm just going to stay where I am and just keep shooting the troll. No, 20 to hit. 20 hits? Well, no, because it's got the cover, so it misses. Oh. But it doesn't hurt anybody.

Alright, and 25. 25 hits? There we go. Old Jota. 17 damage. How much skin? Oh wait, no, hold on. Hold on a second.

I left the sneak attack 17. Oh, wait. No. Hold on. Hold on a second. I left the sneak attack on. Again, it is 15 damage. 15 damage. All right. It is Della's turn. Della's going to take a five-foot step over and use the whip, which is still charged with Frigid Touch, on the eight-legged thing. Okay.

So you're going to move closer to Lexington. No. They're grappled, aren't they? They are, but, you know. It's a melee attack. Yeah. By the rules, you can attack someone that's in melee, but this creature is blocking you.

Do you know what I mean? It's not. Why not? Well, because this idea of them being in that position is not exactly accurate. It's like if they are grappled, they're together. They're basically in the same, you know, not occupying the same space necessarily, but like you wouldn't call it cover. They're one mass. Yeah.

No, you've got to get a clear shot on it. That doesn't make any sense to me. You know what I mean? It's a smaller creature and a larger creature. I understand what you're saying, but you would never be able to melee attack a creature that's being blocked by another creature. How is it being blocked? It's grappled, right?

It's on the creature. And I'm whipping at it from the side. Yeah. I can hit anything from 15 feet away with a whip. So I don't have to go straight line. Are you just saying the thing is so small that it's on the other side of Lexington and she can't see it? I see what you mean. So if you want to hit that with a whip, go for it.

It's going to be a minus two. Okay. Well, I'm going to give it a minus four because I'm going to spell combat. Okay. It misses. No. Still charge. it misses no still charge and then yeah I'm gonna let the spell dispel

and I'm gonna cast magic missile hit the troll ah okay you don't have to see the troll I can see the troll through the doorway it doesn't it's not it always hits yeah but you have to like see it you're like shooting it around the corner.

There's a lot of around the corner. 11 points of damage. All right, 11 points of damage. It is now the troll's turn. Let's see. I guess it's got to go after old Umlo there. That's the guy that came in. I guess it's gotta go after old Umlo there.

That's the guy that came in. So, uh... It'll step up and do three attacks on Umlo. First attack, bite. 27 to hit. Just bites Umlo for nine points of damage. First claw, 27 to hit,

does 12 points of damage. If this claw hits, we're going to Rend Town. Joe, do you want to go to Rend Town? Your rolls are amazing. Have you rolled lower than 15? It's funny how we can't see them. We're going to Rend Town.

Oh, my God. 29 to hit on the last claw. Oh, my God. That's going to be another nine points of damage. And then Rend. Weren't we just talking today about who would take the steel hand when someone died?

Bite. Ha! Claw. Ha! Claw. Hold on a second. Two natural attacks hit and now it rends.

The troll never rolled a will save against his armor. Is it anything with a giant subtype? Right. Or is it only giants? It's anything with

a giant subtype, right? I believe it's something for the scale mail. Yeah. Yeah. Any creature with a giant subtype, right? I believe it's something for the scale mail. Yeah. Yeah. Any creature of the giant subtype must succeed at a DC 16 will save or take a minus 4 penalty

on attack rolls and saving throws for 1d4 rounds. Okay, these are all still going to hit. I rolled 17, 18, 19. And they all had plus 10 to attack. So they're all going to hit. But I'm still going to roll the will save just for the rest of the combat. I think that's going to be a fail. It's will?

Will. Yep, fail. Nice. So it's sickened for 1d4 rounds. Sickened for 1d4 rounds. It is sickened for three rounds. Nice. And I will put that on there.

But in the meantime, the rend does maximum rend damage. Another 16 points of damage. Unconscious, right? Unconscious. Umlo. Jesus. Oh, man. But he is sickened. It's that energy drain. That con. That minus four con.

He's in such a weakened state. And now it's Umlo's turn. Did that rend damage include the minus two for the sickened? Actually, each damage roll should have been minus two. Yeah, each damage roll is minus two. All right, so heal him two, four, six, eight hit points. Heal him eight hit points.

By claw, claw, rant. He's still down. Wow. Yikes. Wow. So he was permanently dead? I think he was permanently dead, yeah. Pretty sure he was.

Oh, so it had... Because I don't really know. We just have this sheet that we've been passing around week to week, and there's shit all over it, and I don't know what's... And he still has the Constitution drain. Yeah, so I don't know what his con really is. Does he also have... I know what his con is.

Okay. You tell me what his con is. Are you guys adding the... Does he have defensive training plus four? Dwarven racial trait? He should have plus four AC, by the way. Plus four AC would give him a 25 AC. So it wouldn't matter.

Yeah, 17, 18, 19, 27, 28, 29, they would have all hit. But his con score right now is a 10. Oh, okay. That's what I have here. So that's still accurate. Okay, yes. Oh, yeah. He would have been dead, right?

So if he hadn't have been sickened, that extra eight hit points would have killed him. No, he would have been a negative nine. Oh, okay. So if he didn't stabilize, dead. Yes. Right. On his turn. Well, it's his turn now. Roll to stabilize. His turn, roll to stabilize. Does he have diehard?

That's right. He does have diehard, right? She had it. He doesn't have diehard. Oh, okay. Yeah, he does not have diehard. Man? Doesn't a family tree? She had it. He doesn't have diehard. Oh. Yeah, he does not have diehard. Man, he's got a lot of things. He's got Hardy, Cleave, Hatred. He's just a cook. Power attack. Singleton. Done.

Stabilized. Stabilized. Man, I wasn't ready for Omlo to die this early. I didn't even pass around to Matt and Grant yet. I like how he's like, I'm not a fighter, I'm just a cook, and he literally has combat expertise. Yeah, I know. Well, he I'm just a cook, and he literally has combat expertise. Yeah, I know. Well, he's very self-deprecating. Really?

I'm not a great cook. I'm no expertise. It's going to be Willamette's turn. Okay, Willamette was going to try to charge into the house for the child, but then this thing stepped up. Willamette was going to try to charge into the house for the child, but then this thing stepped up. You hear, by the way, howling that you recognize as Lexington in pain.

Yeah. So he's going to turn around, see Lexington, see what happened to Umlo, and he's going like, lay on hands, Umlo, or run to Lexington's defense. Lay on hands, Umlo, or run to Lexington's defense. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He is going to... It looks like he...

Actually, why would I know he's stabilized? God, these are hard decisions. I am going to lay on hands on low. Oh, boy. Twelve points of healing. Certainly could mean

almost death now that he comes to life. That could end up killing him. I don't know. Yeah, that could end up killing him. Well, he's, you know, I don't know. Right, right, right. Just doing it. The troll probably thinks it's dead. It's not going to keep him. So if you want, that might provoke from the troll.

I'm just kind of on. Reaching through the door. I just sort of grabbed his foot. You know what I mean? No, that's fine. If you had to move to get into the room, then I would have. Okay. But you know, that's fine.

All right. Well, then, well, this will provoke because now I'm going to move full speed to be right next to Lexington. Down to, and that's going to provoke. Natural 20. Wait, is he releasing the graph? That means my last four rolls, Joe's leaving. 17, 18, 19, 20 were my last four rolls.

Maybe you don't want to move them just yet. Here is to confirm. Oh, 19. Does not confirm. All right. So it's going to be 15 points of damage to Willowbitch. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

Come on. Oh, fuck. It's just how well he rolls. It's insane. 17, 18, 19, 20. Actually, you haven't really rolled this well in a while. I was due. I was due.

Certainly making this cut. Man, this thing that's on Lexington right now, I will tell you right now, is an incredibly dangerous creature. Well, like I said, it's really cool that you just really are so dedicated to killing my animal companion at every possible chance. I know what you want to protect. Even make up whole crazy creatures, an eight-legged cat that comes running out of the fucking kitchen. And that is exactly the kind of monster you would make up.

An eight legged cat. I don't know what you're talking about. It's a hand drawn paw. It's name is Loki. Speak about Loki like that. It's in the book. I swear it's in the book. Keep my cat's name out of your mouth. I don't even know his turn. It's Baron.

Oh boy. Baron, somewhere in the heavens, hears his controllers just arguing at each other about an eight-legged cat, and he realizes the real danger ahead of him is this troll, so he is going to fire at him three times. He's going to eschew any type of bonus from only shooting twice.

And he 19 against touch AC. Hit. 15 points of damage. Second attack. Nice. Hit. 15 damage. Third attack.

Up close and deadly. And that is a misfire. It's been a while. Oh no. Now in this case I'm not going to say that the miss could hit Umlo because it would not make any sense. He's down on the ground with a gun to Well he's not. The thing is he's not

This is Adela's whip. I can't just go around. There could be a magic bullet. But he's not. Yeah. Back into the left. If Lork were firing it and it were an arrow, maybe. Yeah, right. The thing is, is Umlo is not threatening. Or is he threatening? I'm just ruling

that in this case, it wouldn't make sense for the bullet. He already misfired. He's behind the wall. Could you roll a one? No, a three. Can I take a five foot step back? You tell me. After a full round action, I think I can. Yes. That's the only thing you can do.

Yes, I will do that. All right, so you're going to back up so the troll does not go to attack you as it were. Round three. It is time for the Orm Vorax to attack. Because Lexington is grappled, I mean, this is really bad, it can do this ability called Rake. It means it gets four attacks at a plus 18

on the creature that it grappled. This is fucking brutal. Wait, four attacks? Why would you kill Lexington? It is such a terrible decision. Fuck your wolf. Roll number one. Roll number two.

He loves children. Roll number three. I mean, what's his AC? 23. Oh, the second roll missed. Roll three hit. Roll four hit. So three rolls out of four, it raked. So the claws just went,

and only one of them missed. My cat did that to a dog once. Terrible. Lexington, no! Seven damage. Nine damage. Seven damage. Seven damage.

Nine damage. So 23 points of damage yep I'm your world falls has the R though right uh no no

so he's unconscious and dying Lexington unconscious and dying and you you see this little creature that's just about

uh you know it's it's I guess it's your size on the board but I don't think if it's actually your size I don't know I'd have to look it up. And it is

bloodthirsty. It may spend its next round continuing to do that to Lexington. Yeah, I'm sure it will because you're controlling it. Hey, you know what? You sick, twisted bastard! This is the first time I've ever kind of agreed with Troy.

Or just curious. I don't agree with him on killing Lexington, obviously. This is crazy. You have no heart, Grant. No, no, no. Soulless. I just want to know how this magical wolf has a higher AC than I do.

Because he's wearing armor. He's wearing heavy armor. Okay. Wolf barb. Remember the armored wolf you saw outside of the killing grounds? Yeah, when this thing

is trying to tink, tink, tink around its armor. He has very high dex, very high dex and very high armor. What's his hit points at now and where is he from permadeath?

He's at negative eight and he has 15 con. Oh, man. So if all four attacks had hit, it's a maximum of 11 damage. If that second attack had hit, it could have killed him outright. Yes.

So the armor saved one attack. It kinked off the steel. This creature has not even been attacked once. It has. I missed twice. It has not been hit. And it's ferocious. And it is... Nestor's Toyne. Nestor's Toyne. Nestor's Toyne. It's Nestor's Toyne.

He's a little alarmed at the sight of what happened to the fucking wolf, but he's like, he really doesn't know he's a troll and it's, you you know get a better chance here i'm going to continue to attack the troll uh that's a hit and uh 13 damage well umlo's gonna live because nester just killed the troll nice nice softened up by baron and killed by mr coin nice uh and then i will direct my second attack at the cat thing 25 to hit oh that's gonna be a miss okay yeah because it's just

in terms of you're shooting through three or four different people but oh wait well i can't see the board where i am can i move and get a clear shot can i get a five foot step no there's no clear shot because willamette and lexington are right there uh well then i won't take if if the shot's that impossible i wouldn't have taken it okay so i'm just going to move into uh just move around so i can get like a clear shot next round okay so you want to come around this way yeah yeah how many feet can you move? 20. Okay, we'll get you over here. Yeah, that's going to give you a clear shot. Okay.

All right. Della. Della is going to spell combat spell strike. Shocking grasp with the whip. With the whip. All right. Joe is flipping me off. Killing his wolf.

He's flipping me off. Killing his wolf. God. He loves the wolf. The only person in this party worth saving is Lexington. First attack. The spell attack misses. Now with the whip.

I'm using a different die now. I'm going to just stop rolling dice. Bumble? No, it's a five, but it misses. Oh, man. Della. Della. You know what it is?

I'll tell you what it is. Infernal healing. Yeah. Slowly eaten away at your focus. You've cursed us all! This is the reality of the situation here. If it goes after Lexington next round, Lexington is 100% dead. But its other target right now is Willamette.

Now, you're going to get an attack in, but this thing is really, really tough. So I'm just letting you guys know what the situation is here. I did not think, I thought the troll was going to present the greatest problem here, but you guys handled it. I thought you'd get in the room and it'd be like really close quarters and the troll would just be biting and clawing and

rending. Umlo was the hero of that battle, and luckily Nestor and Baron saved him. But now you've got a situation where Lexington is dying and Willamette could take the next brunt of this attack. This thing that's doing plus 18, plus 18, plus 18, plus 18, four attacks with grab. It is Umlo's turn.

He's unconscious. No, he's not. No, he's up. He stands up and moves in as far as he can go. Into the building? Yeah, into the building. He sees the troll fall. He scrambles back up.

He's got 11 hit points, so he's better, and he's looking for the child. Roll a perception check. What a hero. Yeah. A hero who's not particularly fond of wolves. 23. 23.

Yeah, I was thinking that, but I was like, that would just be me pulling him out there because there's no way he sees that thing. You hear now the sounds of the crying are much, much louder. Clearly this troll was trying to reach this baby, which is precariously on a broken ledge in a basket on what's left of the second floor. I attack it with a spear.

It's an automatic hit. AC five. What's his touch, Acey? Okay. And so the troll is probably trying to eat it. And you also see what has to be the remains of two dead bodies. Oh, no. Completely ripped apart.

And it's something that Willamette didn't quite see through the fog. Why didn't we give this baby to a wigger? Oh, yeah. Huh? You know who has had a lot of success with orphan babies? It's Lork. Good thing Lork is in here.

That baby had no chance. Lork is going to be like, I'd like to climb up there and save the baby. Sure. Oh, ceiling collapse. You killed the baby. You broke your leg. Sir Will. Sir Will. Sir Will

is going to scream tears in his eyes and try to rip this thing off of Lexington. Whether it's a way that he can put himself between it and Lexington, jam his gauntleted hand in between him, pull claws back. I don't know

what you want me to do. I mean, it's probably just a CMV check. Do you want to just attack it, or do you want to try and... No, I'm not going to swing a sword at my wolf. If it's small and attached to the wolf, I'm just going to... You're just going to try to grapple it. I'm going to try to rip it off.

Okay. So that would be a grapple check. Yeah. Sure. All right. Roll a wisdom check. 25. No, I'm sorry. 15.

This thing with the eight legs, just you wouldn't even know where to begin. The torso. Just don't even think it would be humanly possible. Alright, then I will lay on hands Lexington. Lay on hands Lexington. Yeah. I'm lay on hands Lexington.

Lay on hands Lexington. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to heal Lexington. Nine points of healing. Still unconscious? No, conscious. Baron.

Barinhardt. Oh, boy. I can't shoot at it. I mean, I can double move to be in position to try next round well you can get within 20 feet take one shot i can shoot between those two i thought you didn't let nester shoot through there earlier it's a bonus to it yeah oh what's the bonus you're shooting a touch ac yeah i know it's gonna get to get a plus two. Touch AC on a small creature. I don't want to miss and kill someone.

Right, no, I understand. But I'll shoot at it. You do have a bottle cap. I don't want to. You do have a bottle cap. Yeah, but am I going to spell it on a wolf? I mean, come on. Wow.

He says that aloud. I know I could hit this, but a wolf? I mean, we know he's going to come back riding an eight-legged cat. He's going to tame this creature and ride it into battle after that. And you misfire. Oh, right. You're right. I can't.

Okay, so let me look at Quick Clear real quick. You did get a grip point back. No, it's not about that. A grip point's fine. Yeah, I can't move and do it. I can spend a grip point to clear my gun as a move action. So I can't shoot from where I am. I'd be shooting against regular AC with a bonus,

and I'd be outside of my first range increment. Oh, boy. So I can't. I'm going to clear my gun, which is going to be... Did I reduce that troll below zero? No. Okay, I'm going to clear my gun as a standard action and move into position where you have me.

Okay. The misfire, the dreaded misfire. What's your misfire chance now? One to three on a die? No, it's one to two, but when I use out chemical cartridges, it increases to four. Speaking of four, round four. The Orm

Vorax. Oh boy. Releases the grapple on Lexington as a free action and does four attacks on Sir Willamette. Oh man. Attack number one. Claw.

Natural one. Oh! There you go. Now that's the power of good. Let me roll the confirm. But he's not going to fumble. No fumble, but attack. That's the best case scenario. An unconfirmed fumble. Alright, that's going to be a 30

followed by a natty 19 followed by a 24. I'm sorry. So just tell me if the 24 hits. So it gets to make a grapple check. Nope, it released the grapple. It released the grapple. Free action.

And it's just attacking four times, not grappling me. Well, I bet if it hits, it gets a free attempt to. Right, right. If it hits, it gets a free attempt to grapple it's going to try to do it on the last one okay got it so if

so there's no real difference between it grappling you and attacking four times and it not grappling you and attacking four times the difference is if I clawed first and hit

and attempt to grapple there and succeed the remaining attacks get a minus two got it but the risk you take is waiting for a later grapple so you get that bonus to hit.

You may miss on the last claw and then you don't get the free attack to grab. Okay. So does 24 hit? Yes. All right, so it's going to be three hits

and because the 24 hit, that was the one he was going to try and grab on. So the damage to Sir Willamette is going to be six points of damage

for the first claw, eight points of damage, and then seven points of damage. And then he attempts to grab... My god. This thing hasn't even been hit yet. I don't know. What is going on? Oh. Twenty-two to grab.

I think that's a grab. Let me just look because he's a small creature. Did you say twenty-one? Twenty-two. Twenty-two. That's a grab let me just look because he's a small creature do you say 21 yeah 22 22 that's a grab sir william is grabbed how are we sitting on hit points there sir will uh i have 34 hit points with three non-lethal damage oh my god uh it is nestor's turn all All right. So I'm going to take a five-foot step and get a clear shot. Absolutely. Okay.

Then I'm going to do that. Steady target. Deadly aim. No sneak attack. 22 to hit. 22 misses. Miss. Two misses.

Oh, my God. This thing is unhittable. I mean, the way we're rolling. And you're okay. It did not, luckily, a shocking arrow didn't go into the body of Lexington. I do not recognize that rule. Let the chamber know. Let the record show. All right, Della.

I'm going to hit him with spell combat, try with the whip, and then we'll see what happens. This has worked well so far. Come on, Della. Hit it going to hit him with spell combat, try with the whip, and then we'll see what happens. This has worked well so far. Come on, Della. Hit it. Hit it. I'm trying. 15. To hit?

Yes. No. Good God, no. I haven't rolled anything above an eight this entire combat. Okay. Sucks. Magic missile. All right, magic missile.

Because that I don't have to roll for. That hits. Four damage. Ten damage. All right, magic missile. Because that I don't have to roll for. That hits. Four damage. Ten damage. All right, how many misses? Nine. Three. Three damage.

Nine damage. It looks at you. Yes, kill Della. Yes. Della adds for effect. He did the nani, nani, nani hand gesture. So childish. Visual humor.

Umla. Okay, Umla is... Joe's Umla. Is there any way to get to the child? Or is there a way upstairs? The stairs have been crashed through, so you've got to climb up there. It's very precarious.

You don't think... I mean, she hasn't fallen yet, but she could fall at any moment. Is there anything... I don't know, that's just silly hasn't fallen yet, but she could fall at any moment. Is there anything? I don't know, that's just silly. You would know, Umla would know that Della has. Could I move some, like, could I move the, like a board or whatever is precarious

and just like push it with my spear and knock the baby off and catch the baby? Just throw rocks at it. I'll allow it. Umla would also know that Della has telekinetic ability. I'm throwing rocks at that idea. This baby could fall any, this second. You know what I mean?

Like he's going to get it right now. So you're going to try and catch it. Yeah, sure. So you can knock it off, but I'm going to make you roll to catch it. And if you miss, the baby is going to drop and split its head open. Oh my God. And Umlo would know that Della has telekinetic ability. Umlo is very...

The baby could just fall. Why is he going to be like, well, I'll just wait until after the combat. No, you could get under it, and if it falls, you could try to catch it, and then call to Della. Everybody is screaming outside. He can't just stand in here for an inordinate number of rounds.

We know there's a baby. Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! She's ten feet from the door. You see her. He is extremely confident that he'll be able to catch a baby with no interruptions that is six feet over his head. You're rolling for it.

Roll to catch the baby. Roll to catch the baby. This baby could be the next Hitler. I don't know if we should... Natural 19. You catch the baby! Eat it! Who needs telepath. I don't know if we should. Natural 19. You catch the baby. Eat it. Who needs telepathic abilities?

And you know what? Telekinetic. Bottlecap. Yeah! Because I was literally going to kill that baby had you rolled too low for it. I was going to give you

a CMB. So I'll give you a bottlecap for that. So all of a sudden, Numlo, boom, boom, catches the baby. Like a heroic fireman. Do I do baby in his arm?

He spikes it like a football. Sorry, old hat. I played college ball. Okay. All right, that is Umlo's turn. Sir Will. Sir Willamette. He already knows there's no point in trying anything.

Troy told him as much. There's no point in trying, just die. There's no point in trying to rip this creature off if you can't rip it off. But you could attack the creature. No, I can't. So you need a light one-handed weapon, which I do not have.

Why? It's not grappled. Because it's grappled you. It's grappled me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's grappled me. I'm grappled.

Oh, God. So I am going to say, Sheriff, help me! And lay on hands myself. I'm going to lay hands on myself. Wait a minute, not the time nor place. Okay, six healing. Six healing.

The nice thing is that immediately heals the three non-lethal as well. Oh, that's great. Where'd you get the three non-lethal from? It's an ability that I've mentioned before called Resolute. I think it's a cavalier ability, and it allows me to, every single time I take damage, I take one point off the top and make it non-lethal. So in those three attacks, I took one less, everything you told me, and each one was non-lethal. So now when I heal these other hit points, I automatically heal those three, too.

That's cool. You did tell me about that. The Cavalier's got a lot of cool abilities. Alright, Baron. Baron says, Will, I'm going to try to save your Lexington, but I gotta tell you, the first thing I shot with the gun was a dog.

So I gotta be careful not to miss, buddy. No, no, no. It's on me. So he's turning the creature, like kind of to you, looking at you desperately, and is like, I trust you. I know, but if I miss, there's still a chance. I'm just throwing it out there. I don't want you to be angry at me for accidentally killing you.

Well, Lexington's laying on the ground. I've asked you before. Do you have precise shot? I do have precise shot. Okay, so you're good. Actually, I'm short. Roll away. Three bullets.

That's a hit. All right. That is 12 points of damage. Okay. How scary is this? Will is holding this creature in a bullet, just like... I'm ready to do it. Very clearly picture this thing.

But, I mean, he's desperate. Anything. This thing is for... I'm trying to think of a movie image of a creature that's like this. Aliens. It's like a facehugger. It's like a facehugger. It's a large facehugger. Yeah, but it's a cat.

It's kind of like this gremlin-y cat situation. Like a real cat. That's what I imagine. Very strong. I mean, you see this small creature, the muscles rippling over its yellow fur. It's very, very strong for its size. All right, buddy. I brought a gun to do a surgery, but let's see how round two goes.

That is an 18 against touch. You're good. Nice. That is 11 points. I mean, this is what I see. I see just Willamette like trying to keep him facing Baron. He's got his helm on and the sweat inside. It's just like as each bullet hits. Do you assume Lexington's dead at this point, or are you. It's just like... As each bullet hits.

Do you assume Lexington's dead at this point, or are you laid on hands? No, I'm laid on hands. I know he's okay. So you know he's okay. This is just nuts. How super heroic it would be to shoot a writhing eight-legged cat instead of Willamette. Oh, man. Aim up. I'm seeing it in slow motion.

The gun rises. Last shot. Slowly aiming. I have one eye closed, which I never do because I'm normally confident. I don't want to kill the wolf. I don't want to shoot Willamette. You put your other hand on it. I say I never miss. And I roll.

I hit! Oh, no, maybe not. Ten against Touch AC. No, it's a miss. I miss, actually. I lied.. 10 against Tachese. No. It's a miss. I miss, actually. I lied. Roll a D100. Oh no. Oh no!

Oh, come on! 81. I saw the one, and I thought, oh my god. Round, I want to say five. It is the Orm Vorax's turn. Orm Vorax. Orm Vorax. I mean, he is still grappling Will,

so he's going to rake Will four times. Okay. Attack one, hit. Resolute. Attack two, hit. Attack three, hit. Attack four, hit. Four hits with this rake ability.

Eight points of damage. Nine points of damage. Seven points of damage. And eight points of damage! Jesus. Joe is shaking. Oh my god. Just brutal. So he's down to 12 hit points with four non-lethal.

What is his max hit points? 70. 70! And he's down to 12. This thing is just... He started this combat after our rest at 67. He's down to 12. Wow.

The rake ability, I'd never heard it before, but it's often you get two claw attacks. This particular creature gets all four of its claw attacks while it's grappling. Troy, can I make a suggestion? I actually think it should have eight because you said it had eight legs. So why not just murder us all?

Holding on with four and raking with the other four. It's like shoving people into a wood chipper. You know what? I completely forgot that the lay on hands for me is a swift action. So I totally could have tried to break the grapple. Probably wouldn't have. And it's also Nestor's turn. Nesta!

So Nesta takes another five foot step, gets a little bit more clear, pulls another arrow out of his hoover, and looks at this thing and says, bugger off, you fucking pussy. That's a hit.

That's a hit, baby. He's rolling the neon green D20. That is all the 19 on the die. 15 damage. All right. Now we're getting there. Now starting to chip away at this thing. Nitro 19.

Oh! 16 damage. All right. 31 points of damage altogether. And Skid didn't kill me for missing and rolling a D100. That's the real best part of this. All right, Della. What are you thinking?

Della, please. The whip's been pretty good. You want to stick with the whip? No. I'm going to ghost ride the whip. Della's going to do something I've never tried before. So let's see if this works. This is a great time for that.

Joe is already shaking his head. Seeing how much damage. She's going to fate seeing when in doubt seeing how much damage will has taken and how ineffective she's been Dell is gonna begin dancing and use her bardic performance to fascinate the cat oh

interesting this would be so weird to see this like says man nothing's working and just like to start dancing so basically you get to roll put your top back on so if you you get a saving throw which doesn't have a very high dc because i'm only a first level bard but if you fail you the creature sits quietly and observes the performance for as long as the bard continues to maintain it. There's a part of me that hopes I fail. That would be hilarious. So it's a DC 12.

DC 12, we'll save. We'll save. All right, if I roll a five, I'm going to roll in front of you a five, excuse me, a four or a lower, and I fail. Seven. It looks like a one or a lower. And I fail. Sepp. It looks like a one for a second. Just looks and then goes back to eating.

Eating well. Umlo, baby in hands. Okay. Strangles it. Like a British nanny. Umlo is going to gently set the baby in the human remains and then run out of the house.

Stay with your parents. I'll be right back. All right. No, but he is going to find a soft spot to set the baby down and then run outside. Maybe her father's soft skull. Oh, God. Gruesome, but he's going to set the baby down.

Okay. He doesn't believe there's any danger here. The danger is outside, and then he's gonna run outside. Okay. Like, double move? Well, was that an action to drop him? Oh, yeah, so he gets to there. So he's right behind Baron.

Baron's still at the entrance to the building. You run past the dead troll, leave the baby with, presumably, its mutilated parents, and it is Sir Will's turn. Sir Willamette! Thanks to Nestor, and thanks to Della with the magic missile, and Baron with the gun. This thing has taken some hits.

Lexington is safe, but you are in bad shape! Bad, bad shape. Okay, I mean, I'm not sure what else I'm going to do. I'm just going to swift action, lay on hands. Okay, I get nine points healed, including all the non-lethal from last round. And then he is going to attempt to break the grapple. And since it might be the last action of his life,

I'm going to use the bottle cap to attempt to break the grapple. Ah, okay. There it goes. Bottle cap paid. And I need a natty 20 well I'll tell you right now to break it

yeah it's CMD is 30 oh Jesus Christ you already spent it what's your bonus you'll make it plus 7 oh

it's impossible it's a CMB oh I shouldn't have told you that you know what because I because I did that if you roll a natural 20 I'll Take it back. Because I did that.

If you roll a natural 20, I'll count it. You should. This is horseshit. Natural 20 is the only thing that's going to do to break out of it. All right. Here we go. Come on, Willamette. A natty 19.

Oh, no. He's like, I can't get out. Natty 19. I appreciate that use of bottle cap economy. All right. I mean, this is desperate. This is his life. Yeah. Life on the line.

Baron says, sorry about that last miss, buddy. Will, we're going to get you out of this pickle. He seems very calm about this whole situation. Misfire. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is happening?

We are rolling so badly. This is bad. Oh, my God. This combat. It's, what is happening? We are rolling so badly. This is bad. Oh my god, this combat. It's been a while since we've rolled this fucking bad. You know when the last time I think it was? The Owega fight? Baron, roll a d100. Oh shit, I just...

Fuck. I wasn't even thinking about it. I was thinking about having clear my... Did you fumble or did you... No, I rolled a three. Oh, then you don't have to... He doesn't have to roll a... But it missed.

I missed. Oh, right. He's rolling a missfire, does the bullet fire? See, I don't... Jam in the gun. I don't recognize the rule, so I don't remember it. Right. No, yeah.

If he has to clear the misfire. No, it misses. It comes out of the gun. You're... This is... You gotta roll with the dice sometimes, guys. It's just what happens. It sucks.

It's very volatile. It's not gonna hit. It's a 20% chance. 10%. 10% chance. 75. You're good. Just... Just take a breath. Relax. Just's very volatile. It's not going to hit. It's a 20% chance. 10%. 10% chance. 75. You're good. Just take a breath.

Relax. Just take a breath. Have a good time. There's a new sheriff in town, guys. There is. Round six. He really keeps his cool under pressure. Round six.

Orm Vorax goes after Baron. Ooh. Just riddling him with bullets. You guys stop before I ask if I could clear my gun or not. Oh, you want to clear your gun? No, I'm good, because I can't shoot at him when I'm grappled. Which is what's going to happen. Just rushes after Baron, can do one attack.

Just seeing if it was a natural 20. It wasn't. But it hit. I'm sorry, I have a 45 AC. Just like Lexington. A magical weapon. I'm sorry I have a 45 AC just like Lexington 46 7 damage and attempts to grab Sheriff Baron

misses 18 I rolled a 2 on the die nice does not grab Baron does a little bit of bite damage Nestor Coins turn wow okay you go down?

Here, kitty, kitty. That's 30. Got it. You do the hit. Good job, buddy. 19 damage. Oh, my goodness. Six electricity roll.

The six on the jolter die. That's an absurd amount of hit points. It must have a 34 con. 18. That's a probably miss. 18? 18 misses. And you're all right.

23. Okay. It's going to be Della's turn. Della, what are you going to do? I'm going to try something else I haven't tried before. Della's going to cast Cause Fear. Oh. Okay.

Oh. Oh, that would be interesting. Get it to run away. Get it to Cause Fear. Oh. Okay. Oh. That would be interesting. Get it to run away. Or at least be shaken. If it fails, it's shaken. So it takes a minus two. You don't have your scimitar anymore, right?

I don't have a drone. I have the whip drone. No, I... Well, you have two scimitars, right? I'm carrying one of those. You're carrying the old one. So it's a DC 12.

We'll save. Wait, we'll... Let me just find the spell. Will says yes. DC 12, we'll save. the spell. Will says yes. DC12, Will save. You're making... Made it. If it failed the Will save, you would have saved Will.

There you go. There you go. There you go. It's shaken for a round, so minus two to everything. Okay, so even on the fail, it's shaken. That's good. All right. Frighten if it's...

Every little bit helps. I'll blow. It's like an old hex. He's got to save his buddy Baron, right? Yeah, it jumps on Baron Baron and he's just like Be careful Baron step aside And he stabs At this thing

Natty 19 Oh Like a 28 to hit You're good Is it the giant subtype? Get out of here It's the cat subtype. He does 13 points of damage.

Oh, baby. With the spear, and then he'll attack it again. Natty 19. Oh! Nice work. Oh, baby! 14 points of damage. Holy shit!

All right. This is the most epic creature. 100 hit points. Over 100 hit points. Well over 100. Well over 100, yeah. That's insane. But it is in the...

For a cat. For a cat. Yeah. Can I take... It's not actually going to be a move action before I say this, and I know the answer's going to be no before I ask it, but considering in the honor of Joe just asking if it was a giant subtype, which I understand was a joke. I'm going to ask.

No, you can't use profession stone cutting. Five foot step away from the creature. Move action, quick clear, shoot at him. Yeah. Yeah. You can do that. Great. I'm going to do that.

Of course you can do that. Absolutely. People shout at me when I don't get rules right, and it's just really stressful. You guys are jerks. Would you just roll, you idiot? That is a 17 against Touch AC. That is a hit. Nice.

This thing is so dangerous. Oh, that was a D10. I'm sorry. 13 points of damage. Well, I'll tell you this, Baron. You took it below zero, but it ain't dead. Wow. Ferocity. Some sort of ferocity. Because this thing really needs help to stay alive.

Yeah, yeah. However, upon that bullet, it begins retreating, and Sir Will gets an attack of opportunity. All right. What do you have drawn? Yeah, I don't. He doesn't have a weapon drawn, so punch it. Yeah.

Try to grab it. Try to grab it. You have monk levels right just knee it yeah it's gonna be too fast you don't have a mailed gauntlet or anything no all right so it just starts bolting um sensing its death nestor all right pick up some shots that's like yeah fuck this thing man i'm not letting it get away if i can help it uh 24 24 hits AC 23 Oh Oh it was basically Lexington

14 damage 14 damage is enough to permanently Kill it I hated that thing The Orm Vorax Man 114 hit points AC 23 4 attacks All at a plus 18.

Jesus Christ. When it's grappling you, it can continue doing those. It's just insanity. Is it like a unique creature, like a fucking Tarrasque or something? It's just a magical beast. Yeah, small magical beast. And it's actually true neutral, I just noticed. But it was out for a meal, and it almost got a couple of them.

Lexington, the little halfling. By the way, I really enjoy how that animal made absolutely no sense. It just jumped off of people just randomly to attack the next person. Well, it's a crazy animal. Yeah, I mean, if Della had hit it with anything significant, if any of those whip attacks had hit it, it would have gone after Della. Right. But it got riddled with bullets.

It was either going to be Nestor or Baron at that point. So Will is going to tend to Lexington as soon as possible. Lexington has one hit point. Yeah. So he's going to tend to him, and he'll do a heel check. Ooh, natty 19. Nice. 23 heel check just to sort of aid it.

So what's the aid do? It's already stabilized, right? I was just doing it for story purposes. Oh, okay. Sorry. Good, good. I was confused. Joe, play those games when we're not here.

All right. Umlo goes back in and brings you guys in, and you see a whimpering infant girl swaddled in a coarse wool blanket that was stuffed into this basket on the second floor, now laying in the remains of her parents. Jesus Christ. You see in the floorboards of the upper level

like a boulder lodged in the second floor. And another one had hit through and crashed broke my god ceiling i guess she was near death i feel like della would be concerned that the troll wasn't the only thing throwing boulders right no the troll wouldn't have been thrown no i was thinking the boulders were probably here before the troll got here the only first the chicken or the egg the only thing that probably stopped the troll from getting them beforehand was that they may have had fire torches out at night or something like that. And as soon as the boulders came in and kind of stopped them from doing that, I'm sure he came in then.

Sure. This is exactly, you know, a slightly different situation, but this is almost exactly what happened to Willamette. Like he was found as an infant. His family killed him. So let's raise this child. It can be the next character on the podcast. Sorry.

Is it going to keep making that noise? So Willamette's going to make sure that it's okay? That it's not harmed in any way? It's fine. The only blood on it is that of its dead, mutilated parents. I'll do a perception check around the house for anything interesting or any clues as to what happened here.

16? The house has been completely ransacked. So the boulders crushed through and something or someone came and ripped everything out of there, killing everyone. And obviously just skipped the baby. And is there any, like we know that you, you gave us the direction the boulders came from before,

but again, like we were to go over there, would we invest to be able to investigate the source of them? Yeah. If one of you ranged over there just to kind of see you, you go a hundred, 150 yards or so, and you don't see anything.

Um, but, uh, does any of you go up there? Della turns to Nestor and suggests a little outing. Could use your skills, Coyne. Are you splitting the party? Yeah, I'm just concerned that there might be something still left in the house that might be more immediate. I'll check out the house real quick and we'll go check out what they...

Always an excuse with you. No, it's not an excuse. It's just a reason. Yeah, so I go in and I want to just check out the house, see if there's any valuables. Tell him, make sure he's not robbing. Yeah, there's nothing. Alright, now that's taken care of and we can go into the woods.

My God, there are five gold pieces that you wouldn't want to take. I'm going to walk. Well, you know, with interest. Sheriff? I'll look at Willamette, and I said, you led this charge. I'll help you in any way I can. I appreciate it, Sheriff. It looks like Lexington's going to be okay.

He's a strong animal. Aren't you, Lexington? And I lay on hands my final one of the day and max heal him for 13 hit points. Okay. And so he's back up to a decent amount. He's looking a little better, a little stronger, but we're all pretty beat up and tired.

Baron pulls out a piece of beef jerky and feeds it to Lexington. Isn't that peanut butter on it? Yeah, Lexington eats it greedily and then looks up at you with thankful eyes. Pat him on the head. Do we go upstairs? I mean, it's broken down.

Okay, got it. I'm sorry I left you, Lexington. I was trying to help the child. I'm sure you understand. That creature was awful. But we'll be okay. If Della gets her are more accurate next time. You're preaching to the choir.

Yeah, so Willamette is concerned about the baby. He wants to ask Baron. Sheriff, what do we do? We have this child that must be cared for. How close is the nearest village? Do we know? Well, let's take a quick look at the map again. I think we're just a little bit outside. I'm happy to swaddle the child as I ride,

but it actually might be ideal maybe if Umlo rides with me. I think our best rider is Della. She has a very special... Oh, actually, you might be the best rider. You might want to carry the child back. You might be the most skilled at keeping him safe while we ride, now that I think about it. Would you do us the honor of ensuring this child's life

makes it safe to the next town? Sheriff, I will take this charge. All right, I appreciate that. And I gotta say, I was really impressed with you in this battle. I'm sad that things had to get so dicey there. Well, I nearly lost it, even though I'm immune to fear. Let's go find... But your gun was very accurate.

Thank you. You've saved my life. It's my pleasure. Now let's go find those two rascable devils out there. Well, three. I'm low, too. So you guys all reconvene and you continue down the trail? Or do you want to go look off in the distance? How far is it to this town?

You're not very far. You can be there probably in an hour. In an hour. Okay, so there's... Okay. Della wants to check out to see if, like, what happened. The source of the boulders. Okay, so you travel a little bit east to where, obviously, the boulders had to have been coming. And you get to a clearing, and you don't see any creatures. You see, you know, large footprints in the ground. Giant-sized footprints?

Giant-sized footprints. footprints in the ground. Giant-sized footprints? Giant-sized footprints. And you see farther along down the trail where that house was, you see smoke rising. Wait, what? So you get into a clearing and you see giant-sized footprints in the ground.

You look back now into the distance and you see that if you were to continue the trail along where this cottage was, there's smoke rising in the distance. So I think, is that so I want to do some sort of map check and look where we are. Is that smoke coming from a place different than the town? It's on the way to the

town. On the way to the town? Fuck. There might be giants in between us and them. I think that's where they live. They might be giants. They might be giants. Can I do a survival track to check to see if those footprints are leading towards that smoke?

Sure. Okay, great. 17. I mean, they're leading every which way, but sure, they're going back towards the trail. It's always convenient. There's always footsteps going everywhere when I roll a survival check with you.

Willamette is going to say, Sheriff, I fear that we may be in dire straits if we get into another combat like this one. If you want to proceed, we must do it with caution. But we could also rest. I, um, I think we have to

perhaps choose one of us to protect the child during this next approach. To be ready to flee and take another route to ensure its life is safe. So we move forward then. I will protect the child. Oh, wait, wait,

wait, hold on. We're taking that thing with us. Yes, we are. There are other humans in the world, Coyne. Well, absolutely. But we're among them, and if we're carrying a mewling infant with us, I mean, the element of surprise, gone, right? You might accidentally element of surprise, gone, right?

You might accidentally hit it with an arrow, right? And Del pulls out the arrow and just gives it a little fletching. That's a low blow. That's a low blow. Yes, it was. And again, once again, I do not recognize that rule. Coin! Coin, shall we? Coin, you don't have to concern yourself with taking care of this child.

We'll make sure that you still get your filthy lucre at the end of the day. The child's welfare is not of your concern, Nestor. I'm not concerned about the cost, but it's all right, fine. I'm outvoted. I'm amenable. Well, Nestor. All right, so you guys want to continue along the trail to find the source of this smoke yeah all right so uh willamette takes care of the baby you stand in the back of the party as the rest of you go ahead um you approach and you don't have to be too stealthy because you just

see along the trail a couple hundred yards of way, two more cottages with similar smoke coming out of the chimney. And they've been crushed by boulders as well. Oh, man. And this is, you have to go through here to get to the next town. Yes. We can't go around it and find a, like, fjord our way down a river or something. We can't bypass it. I want to bypass it.

You can absolutely bypass it. You don't have to go to Shimmerman's Fortune. No, we won't. Where are we going to drop off the baby otherwise have to go to Shimmerman's Fortune. Where are we going to drop off the baby otherwise? To go to Shimmerman's Fortune, can we bypass these broken down cottages? Sure. Roll a perception check.

Natty won. Bebe? You dropped the baby. No, you actually look and it's just a ham tied to... Oh shit, where's the baby? 20. 20. 20.

You don't hear any noises coming from the cottages. They look more beat up than the one that you just came out of. So if you continue forward, you don't see any signs of danger ahead. Okay. All right, let's go through it then. Will, just stay towards the back in case you need to ride off okay as you say sheriff so you guys continue ahead and a quick a cursory look at these buildings they've been ransacked again boulders crushed through there was some sort of raid here dead

bodies dead bodies everywhere um everywhere just everywhere No, there's like one house has two, the other house has three. You can tell that one was an adolescent. Oh, jeez. Does it look like it was ransacked, like they looted the place after killing these people, or they just wantonly just killed everybody? There's extensive damage. There's definite—it looks very purposeful. Right.

But there was ransacking. Things were taken from there. So I don't see any silverware. No, there's no like. Valuables. No. No flatware. But you know, roll a perception check, Nestor.

Okay. 30. 30. You actually, in one of the buildings, as everyone's walking out, you do notice something that looks like it could be worth something, and you just palm it and put it in your pocket. Yep. You just know it's worth at least 10, 15 gold. Nice.

On the black market. And so do you guys continue ahead? It's copper wiring. Yes, yes. The sooner we get to the town, the better. Yeah. All right. Yeah, the sooner we get to the town, the better.

All right, well, sure enough, half a mile down the trail from the sack cottages, you arrive at the village of Shinemon's Fortune. And there are people running around like crazy, panic villagers, scrambling back and forth, trying to organize themselves. You guys continue forward, and there's just pandemonium in the village. You can tell, you see buildings have been crushed. The outer wall of the city has been broken down. Oh my god.

It's under a full attack. Bodies everywhere. And you see a group of people come rushing towards you as you enter the, like, I just see you guys kind of riding up slowly. Maybe a couple of you dismount and you bring your horses up and it's just like there was an attack here

recently and as you stand there a stern looking middle aged woman with graying hair and a burly man with salt and pepper beard wearing worn leather armor comes up with a posse behind him says, who are you? Where have you

come from? We're the True Now Five, and we're here to help. Well, if you're here to help, then we need all the help we can get. There are giants, and they're raiding this area. They've taken many of our villages. We need your help. Giant Killin's our business, Buster,

and business is booming. Game on. Next week. Go Eagles! Go Cowboys! Cowboys! Cowboys! Outro Music