The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 83 - Look Who's Stalking

Episode Date: December 27, 2016

Umlo leads the party toward the sounds of his deceased sister's voice as the journey deeper into Minderhal's Valley continues. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, it's the final episode of 2016. And I'll try to mount him. This is a family show. And it's filled with the GCP's greatest hits. Joe Rowling. Oh, I rolled a natural goddamn four. Son of a bitch! Skid being Skid.

Well, actually, Tolkien talks about this in his essay on fairy stories. Oh, my God. Troy being Troy. I want to go into the new year fresh, and I like to punish equally. And a party full of shortcomings. Do you guys all speak giant? I don't. Baron?

No one speaks giant. What are the odds they turn it all around before the year is out? And you know what? This is probably never going to happen. I think we did the math and said 1 in 200 chance they will happen. Absolutely happen this episode. Probably. The adventure continues right now. hey happy holidays everybody welcome back to another episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. It's Joe, and I just want to say that I hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas and a happy Hanukkah to our Jewish fans.

It is currently we're right in the middle of the Festival of Lights. I hope everyone is having a great time with friends and family. And I just love this time of year. Is that completely unoriginal to be like, my favorite time of year is Christmas into New Year's? Like, that's what everybody says, but I have no problems just going right along with it. I love it because it's just an understood time when everybody kind of can just take a break, if they are able, from the usual and spend a little time with friends and family. And furthermore, it's okay to say those maybe gushy things that we usually keep all locked up when we're in the middle of our routine. You know, going to work, going to class, taking care of the kids, paying the bills.

Well, since it's Christmas time, and since I just finished watching It's a Wonderful Life, which is my family's traditional Christmas movie, I'm feeling a little weak with emotion, as it were. The fans of the GCP are the greatest fans in the world. And I didn't know that that would be the case when we started. When we started, quite honestly, I was worried about the haters. Because if you're going to get involved in something in nerd entertainment, you better be ready for that, because it's going to happen. But yet, when we started, within those first few months, we had a few fans who were actually not related to us, which was shocking. And then even more shocking was that they were nice, cool, genuine, generous people. And they went and told a whole bunch of new people about the show. And

then they did and they did and so on. And within a year, the show had exploded and it's still growing. I mean, we get emails, Facebook messages, tweets, comments every single day from people all over the country and all over the world. We get messages from the UK and Australia and New Zealand, from Finland and Sweden and Germany and Denmark and South Africa and the Netherlands and Russia and Israel. We're all connected in the love of this game. We're all connected in the love of this game. And I just wanted to make sure you guys know that,

that you know that there are so many of us out there, like-minded people that laugh and cry with these characters that live and die by Troy's merciless die. Yes, it's just a game, of course. And yes, we're just here to have fun. But we're also here to tell a story together. A story of a grand quest of characters being challenged to question who they really are and what they're really capable of. Characters that are challenged to draw from deep within themselves the strength to carry on despite failure, loss, doubt, defeat, and despair. It's a story that we can all relate to at one time or another, in one way or another.

And it just brings us all together. And this is what I have found in the emails we've received. This is what I want to share with you guys that I don't get to say all the time. I just wanted you to know that since it's this time of year, my favorite time of year, that you all inspire me, inspire us, and we're thankful every day for your part in making this story happen. My best to all your friends and family at this time.

Happy New Year to everybody. And now please enjoy our gift to you. It's episode 83 of the Glass Cannon Podcast. I can't believe it, but here we are at the final episode of 2016 2016 oh man we started this in 15

and now it's the end of 16 that's right a year and a half and we'll probably never see the end of 2017 I mean yeah as people

I don't think we'll make it things are going no what happens if an actual member of the cast dies? Oh, boy. We've never addressed this. I don't know about you guys,

but I foresee my death happening every day of my life. You're a fatalist. Sort of. Just about me. This is just your typical Christmas conversation. Go on, Matthew. I'm sorry. You get up in the morning and think, okay, like, we're recording today, but if I get hit by a car on the way over to the recording, I wonder if the guys

will still record without me. Yes. That's the answer. Yes. That's the quick answer. You're like a less pervy Woody Allen. Like, he's a writer. He's a creative guy.

He's neurotic, but he's not a pervert. And you're dressed like a wreath right now. Yep. You've got a green shirt on and your red legs look like a bow. Hanging from the wreath. I wore this for you and your cat. He literally looks like the elf on the shelf. It's true.

Get on my shelf. No, what really happened is I was told we were wearing ugly sweaters. I'm the only one who dressed up. Christmas is over Matthew deal with it he's an angry elf he's an angry elf how come elves

Skid you probably know this or at least have a funny reason for it why elves got so perverted in the Santa mythology from the like the badass Tolkien elves

well actually Tolkien talks about this in his essay on fairy stories oh my god there were there were like there was a Victorian kind of movement to make elves into like what we think of as like Santa's elves like Keebler elves yeah like Keebler's like little and like little you know whereas he that's what one of the things that was one of his aims was to bring back this like old concept of of like elves is spirits, spirit creatures, badasses.

Badass, powerful, immortal beings. But it was basically like most things can be blamed on Victorian sensibilities. Well, I want to see the Santa story where the elves are like badass toy makers. I actually started writing a story like that that I was going to make a comic book out of. I still might, but I don't know. You've lost that idea. That's the copyright. I haven't given the hook yet, though.

Some really savvy Australian fan is going to start writing that at the end of this episode. And they'll get it one day ahead of me because of the time difference. Maybe for them it is Christmas hasn't even happened yet. I don't understand time I do, I fully understand time

Toilets go backwards It could be January already What's more complicated, time or Pathfinder rules? That's the question All I know is How time functions in Pathfinder rules We'll find a way to mess both of them up consistently. Well, we're back.

We're back here. The last one of 2016. Hopefully someone will die. He's literally got his fingers crossed. Happy New Year. Haven't there been enough deaths since 2016? That'll be my New Year's resolution. Let's contribute this dumpster fire every year

one last time. No kidding. Haven't there been enough deaths in 2016? You see the in-memoriam, it's like, David Bowie, Galabras.

So, we ended last episode. You guys had saved those people from, some of them were from cinnamon's fortune some of them just did business and cinnamon's fortune and picked the wrong day to show up in town they were old prospectors old prospectors we're not science folk also it's giants you're after

paid it for gold nuggets here in the street you You guys saved them, waited the night with them, camped out. Nestor was incredibly rude to a young girl. Well, this is part of the thing because I've suffered two points of charisma damage

that still hasn't been healed. Oh, that's right. He's that good of a role player. That's how I'm playing it. I think you get a bottle cap. Yeah! I don't know where they are, but you get one.

Okay, thank you. No, I always have some laying around my house because I'm an alcoholic oh he's there he's got some Joe you got one yeah I got him

okay give give Skid one that is true justifying that minus two charisma damage because charisma is that stat if you're not a sorcerer that no one ever thinks about

no you should paladin paladin sure give charisma a chance Matthew give charisma a chance I'm gonna Matthew, give Charisma a chance.

I'm going to give him a Galabras bottle cap. Oh, cool. Alright. Shades of things to come. We had those Nestor bottle caps, but then Nestor stole all of them. A little sleight of hand. Alright, so you guys, you waited until the next morning. You felt pretty good about them making

their way back to Chitterman's Fortune. Then you guys continued delving deeper into what very well may be Minderhouse Valley. You come to the end of the day. You probably traveled eight, ten miles. How many horses are there left? Reginald is still kicking. One. Lexington, unfortunately, still alive.

God damn it. And Dusty. And so Umlo is sharing Reginald is still kicking. Lexington, unfortunately, still alive. And Dusty. And so Umlo is sharing Reginald with Della. And now Nestor and Baron are on old Dusty. His hands are really clammy, too. They're starting to seep through my leather armor. I can feel it. And then there were three mounts.

I'm picking his pockets while we're writing. It's going to be like, I have 20 alchemical cartridges. I only have four. Those are expensive, man. Where the hell is my wallet? You guys camp out for the night. And Umlo hears a voice in the wooded area just beyond where your camp is

and he hears the voice of Ingrahild. Now he knows Ingrahild's dead but it's claiming to be her spirit and he just rolls I think he rolled sense motive totally believes it

15 I think and begins walking towards it. Yeah, so I wanted to ask about this. Are we asleep? Do we see this? No, so I've created the map here, and what I figured is that Umla was probably hanging out with Sir Will. Well, they had just finished practice.

Practice, right. They were practicing. Working the sword and shield. Blunted, of course. So, Amlo is near Sir Will and Lexington. On the other side of the camp, I have Della and Nestor. For some reason, these two are getting a little bit closer. Maybe sides are forming.

And then in the middle, on the other side of the fire Baron sharpening his gun on the left. I would... Sharpest gun in the West. The gun is so short now it's like a snub-nosed pistol. It's a sawed-off pistol.

It doubles as a dagger. It's like a derringer. A really sharp derringer. I stick it into my ankle. You start putting it in your pantyhose. Your garter belt. You stab someone and open up a way for the bullet. That's eighth level. So, Sir Witt, excuse me,

Umlo goes off into the woods. And I rolled a save for Umlo between episodes. And I'm going to tell you what is just about to happen. Umlo takes Heart Spit, throws it into the woods, and just

begins mindlessly walking. Sir Will and Baron roll a perception check 13 for Sir Willem and Keswick 15 for Baron

oh boy you really screwed up can I point out that before this episode started I had no dice and I had Joe was like very excitedly threw me his bag of dice.

We should have given him Matthew's dice! I have cursed all of those d20s! In. Oh, no, Grant. Just as Will heard the voice of Ingrahild, Baron and Sir Will hear their names being called oh wow and it says baron drop your gun and come this way sir will drop your lance and walk this way i have my sword but all right stephen tyler's in the woods drop Drop your weapon. Walk this way. Drop your melee weapon. Run, the AT comes out.

Walk this way. So that's what you hear. Sir Will and Baron both roll a will save. All right. I'm assuming this is a spell. Sir Will's got pretty good will. This is a supernatural charm effect. Let's get it.

Can I get a Joe's gonna roll? Oh, yeah. Hold on. Joe's gonna roll. Joe's gonna roll? Oh, yeah. Joe's gonna roll. Joe's gonna roll. We're ready for the last one. Oh, I rolled a natural goddamn four. Son of a bitch.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The prophecy has been fulfilled. Damn you, Nick Lowe. 16. 16. And 12 for Willamette. Baron shakes it off. does not drop his gun.

Son of a bitch. But poor Sir Will, under the power of suggestion, drops his sword or highberry lance, whatever he had, and can't imagine he was just sitting on top of Lexington. He begins walking unmounted. Are you wearing your leather armor as well? Yeah. Unmounted, starts walking

off into the woods where Umla was going. Nestor and Della roll a perception check. Oh, fuck. Oh, 27. 27. 21. 27, 21.

You both hear behind you a rustling in the woods. Everybody roll for initiative. Oh, my God. I didn't even know you were going to get into this this quick. My sirenscape is not prepared. There's a sound set. It's called Peaceful Evening.

I don't think that's going to work. No. Not anymore We'll start with that though Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll Roll for initiative Feels good Every time

We have a couple New sound drops too From our old buddy Yeah We do That I will play At the appropriate time Look out for them tonight

Oh, speaking of new So I wanna go Into the new year It's a Christmas miracle From Nick Lowe I wanna go Into the new year fresh I wanna go Into the new year. It's a Christmas miracle from Nick Lowe. I want to go into the new year fresh. I want to go into the new year, you know, with a new set of clarifications on some of our house rules.

Most specifically, the most debated one. Hotly. Hotly. Hotly debated. Highly congested. This house rule is hot. That's a hot mic rule. It's a hotly debated mic rule. All right, so obviously we've realized in now, I don't know, 10 episodes or so,

more, a dozen episodes, that the house rule that has you firing into melee and a 10% chance of accidentally hitting your ally is completely nerfs, barren, and especially Nestor. It just doesn't make sense. And an angry skid is not a fun skid. No. There's no reason to do that skid is not a fun skid. No. No. There's no reason to do that.

It's not an effective skid. And it also doesn't punish the melee characters like Sir Will and Umlo and Della, and I like to punish equally. Pathfinder is really amazing in the way that they have a mechanical sort of... They've thought out all the mechanics on how to make normal situations

slightly more difficult when things are different. So obviously, if you're just shooting at a creature that has no one around it, you don't take any penalties. But when you have your allies or other creatures around, you shoot into it, it takes a minus four because there's less of a chance to hit. If there's something standing in front of the creature you're aiming at, you aim at it and it gets a bonus to its AC because you're trying to shoot past it. But the one rule that they don't have is that one little chance for when a ranged attack goes awry.

And so we thought we'd add this in, but as we saw within two episodes, Skid hit Della and Will, and that's just no fun. I was actually kind of disappointed because I emailed you today about it. I was just like, I want to make my case against this rule.

And you're like, oh yeah, we're getting rid of it. And I was like, fuck. I had this entire case. I was ready like a lawyer. I had prepared my briefs, everything. It was going to come in. And they settled out of court. Yeah, they settled out of court.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Yeah, exactly. And you could have finished with, and I rest my case. Exactly. Damn it. That'll be a bonus episode. Troy's always one step ahead of you. He's always one step ahead.

Well, so what we're going to do now is when you roll a one, shooting into melee when either you have an ally that's providing cover for the enemy or you have an ally that's providing cover for the enemy or you have an ally that is in melee. When you roll a 1, there's a 10% chance you're going to hit your ally. So it's only when you roll a 1. Whether the fumble is confirmed or not confirmed, you roll a 1, 10% chance you're going to hit. If you roll a 1 on that D100, you're going to crit your ally,

just as we said before. But if you roll a 100 or, just for going to crit your ally, just as we said before. But, if you roll a 100, or just for skid, a 69, that miss will turn into a hit. Well, I also said an 86 would also crit your ally. Alright, so a 1, because this was your old rule from when you were a kid. This is my

old friend, my old DM, Del Dominic. This was his rule. But it wasn't even a 100. It was just 69 and 86 were the best possible resort. But that's fine. But that's fine. We'll add it in. So one and an 86 crit your ally.

69 and 100, the miss turns into a hit. Great. Okay. And then an added wrinkle for my melee friends. Because, Joe, this came up recently when you were trying to attack the... Or you were thinking about trying to attack the Orm Vorax. No, Della was trying to attack the Orm Vorax. No, Della was trying to attack the Orm Vorax with a whip on Lexington

and we were arguing and you were like Lexington is between her and the Orm Vorax and we were like, oh, they're grappled, they're together, blah, blah, blah. Well, here's the point. By the rules, it doesn't matter. You can attack that. But I think, wouldn't it be fun that if you roll a one while attacking a creature that is grappled

with your ally, if you roll a one, 10% chance you hit your ally. I think it's fun. It's totally fun. And you know what? This is probably never going to happen. I think we did the math and said one in 200 chance it will happen. It will absolutely happen this episode. Probably.

Multiple times. Twice. Well, now do we have the two numbers before? I think it's one in 100 now. Oh, because there's two possibilities. If you're listening at home, tell us the probability. Let's talk about the other numbers. Who rolled over 20?

This initiative? This is initiative, yes. 26. 26. 25 for Baron. Alright. Sir Will, what'd you get? 16. Della? 11. Umlo? Umlo rolled... Umlo... Where's my Umlo voice? Umlo rolled. Umlo.

Where's my Umlo voice? Umlo rolled an 18. Why does Umlo sound like he's from the south? I was thinking about Umlo a lot, and I just think that I really want to try to work on Skid's northern accent. That's a good accent. That's something I'm more fond of. Yeah, it's hard to do. It's the Game of Thrones accent.

It is, yeah. That you hear the most out of the non-royal people. The Sean Bean. It's the people from the north. Yeah, it's the people of Thrones accent. It is, yeah. That you hear the most out of the non-royal people. It's the Sean Bean, like Sheffield. It's the people from the North. Yeah, it's the people from... All right. It's the North. All right. From the North.

It's almost as if they're from the North. All right. Of Westeros. Which is almost like shaped. Here's Matthew with his 18 intelligence again. Show's gonna talk. That's one of the new drops that's the new drop

we cut the quick nerdage version oh boy alright tell us how we're gonna die so Umlo throws heart spit into the woods Sir Will clunk clunk clunk drops his sword and begins wandering out

there Nester and Della here behind them, rustling in the bushes or in the trees behind them. Nestor, you're up round one. I whip round to make a perception check, see if I see anything. Sure. 25. Oh, does he see anything?

Behind the tree you see a large creature that looks like some sort of a cat-like creature. Not an Ornvorex. But it is a large I was about to walk out. Maybe it's a leopard it's got a long tail and it's coming

towards you. But it's behind the tree you can't quite see it but you do see a body coming towards you. I quick draw my bow and fire. Okay. After studying it. 21. 21 flat-footed with cover, still

hits. Nice. Okay. Because it's like behind the tree. So we've got a little partial cub. Partial cub. I like that. Little PC. 17 damage. 17.

That's low? Yeah, for me. Oh, man. Well, I didn't have deadly aim. Okay, is that all you can do, Mr. Skid? I can fire again. Okay. You may fire I can fire again. Okay. You may fire when ready.

17. 17 again. Oh no, you rolled a 21 last time, right? Yeah. That one is a miss. Okay. Kills Della. No, I'm kidding. Speaking of Della, Baron, you're up.

Matthew, you're up. He perked up in his chair. I just saw Matthew be like, wait, no, no, don't call me. I need time. Baron really wants to use his new dragon's breath, but considering that's a crowd control weapon and he sees no real enemies yet. He should probably

just fire it straight past Della and Nestor. I was actually going to shoot Lexington right in the head. That was okay. Put him out of his misery. So I'm going to follow these two people who strangely disarmed and I know I heard a voice. I'm going to move

20 feet and I'm going to say Aaron. Who goes there? And I'm going to say there's sorcery about in these woods. And I'm going to walk alongside of them. Alright, so you walk towards the ones that have weapons in their hand. Oh, that's the wrong way. Yeah.

Just clarifying for the folks at home. I abandoned the ones who were helpless. I was literally like, okay, so we're dead. Do I see anything walking that much closer? Do you see anything walking that much closer? Do you see anything walking that much closer? Roll a perception check. That is a 25. You see a creature that is coming straight towards Umlo,

and it looks like... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I'm not going to look at it. I haven't seen it. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. If you don't look at it. I haven't seen it. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

If you don't look at it, it can't hurt you. Oh, my God. Whoa. I know this creature. It looks like some kind of damn Tasmanian ocelot or something. Kind of like has a hyena. It's like a hyena greyhound thing. This is in...

This freakish beast has the head of a badger, the hooves of a stag... Benverine! ...and a wide mouth with sharp ridges of bone instead of teeth. Baron sees that Umlo and Will Umlo is up, by the way, are under the power of

the spell Suggestion right now. So, all they know is they were told to drop their sword and walk this way. Umlo's up. Can I take a shot at the creature? Oh, so Baron, you step there and you... is they were told to drop their sword and walk this way. Umlo's up. Nope. Can I take a shot at the creature? Oh, so Baron, you step there and you...

Can you just move 20 feet? Okay, yep. So you can do... Well, see... No, you can't. Because of these trees. Okay, so I'm going to move into position. I'm going to double move.

Double move so you can get a shot next round. Gotcha. And now... Well, you're going to play Umlo again this week, right? Yes. You don't really get to... I want you to really get into Umlo's skin. You've got to get a good combat. So let's start with one where you

fail to will save and have no weapon. And action! It's like shitty improv. I was really upset at Troy for rolling the saves that I should have rolled at the beginning of the episode. All right, you're Umlo with no ability to control your own mind and no weapon. Go. So, a will save, perhaps?

There's a great old SNL sketch where Phil Hartman plays an acting teacher and he goes up to Molly. Oh, I love that sketch. He goes up to Molly and he's like, all right, just remember, you're terrible and I don't think women belong in the theater. Go. It's something to that effect. I tried to post that sketch

on YouTube once and it got pulled down by NBC in like 30 seconds. Oh, God. He was so great. You have to reverse the angle. Right.

Talk to me, Baron. Baron is, I'm low. I'm talking Baron is... I'm low. I'm talking to you, I'm low. You're throwing me off. You're low. Do I get a will save or anything to try to act? I don't.

What can I do besides follow the boar-headed, baboon-bodied thing that's got me under a spell? The spell ends when the subject finishes what it was asked to do. I said, throw your weapon into the woods and walk towards me. You did that. So now Baron is standing face to face. Umlo. Umlo. With this.

Oh, there's an actual mini for it. It's not so mini. And where is Heart Spit? Heart Spit is in the woods. Gone. Umlo has no weapon. We'll say it's 25 feet to his right. Got quite an arm.

Yeah, really? Throw a giant weapon. 15 foot spear. Flipping those omelets all the time. He's got great forearm strength. 15 foot spear. So then I guess with the steel hand, Umlo will unarm strike it?

Yeah. Does that sound crazy? Sure. Does he have improved grapple? Youlo will unarm strike it? Yeah. Does that sound crazy? Sure. Does he have improved grapple? You mean improved unarm strike? Excuse me, improved unarm strike. He does not. Okay, so it will provoke one attack. Oh, no.

Now I'm thinking if I should run because Umlo's so weak. What would Umlo do? Umlo's fought a lot of bears. He hates wild animals. He probably just got out of this spell of confusion and said, Oh my god, it's a fucking what the fuck! Where's the husband? And so he's going to do the arm strike.

Let's do this! Okay. Natural 20. Natural 20. We have a new drop for it! Critical threat. Critical threat. for it! Critical threat! Critical threat! Critical threat!

Critical threat! Confirm it! We're gonna confirm. Yeah. And then I'll see if it bites you. Okay. Not a confirm. Not a confirm.

It's gonna be max damage. So as you go to do that, it just goes to bite you. Natural 20. I'm not even lying. Critical break. Critical break. Oh, no. Nick Lowe is an oracle.

I'll roll the confirm in front of you. I'd call him a bard. Oh, that's a confirmation. That is a confirmed crit. Oh a bard. Oh, that's a confirmation. That is a confirmed crit. Oh, no. Oh, boy. So you take six damage, by the way, sir.

That's ma'am to you. Okay. It is going to be... It's double damage, right? Yeah. 28 points of damage. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, you don't... Remember, we've been doing this wrong, too. You just roll the dice twice and only add the modifier once.

Okay, that's what we've always done. We just double it. You want to do it that way from now on? Yes. Okay, that's the way the rules are. So instead of... If the damage is 2d6 plus 3, you don't roll 2d6 plus 3 and double it.

You roll 4d6 plus 3. Plus 3, right. I'm fine with doing that. That's kind of fun. It's always fun to roll more dice, and in this case, it's not going to be as brutal. So, 7, 8, 9, 10, 17 damage. Yeah, that's a huge difference.

I think it's in there for a reason. It's going to keep everyone alive, including my monsters. And you said it took 6 points of damage with a fist of Nargum Steelhand? That is correct. 6 points of damage. And Umlo has been bit, critically bit, by a powerful bite, as it were, by this strange creature. Critically bit.

Critically bit. Critical bit. Umlo's going to do one other thing now. He's going to move away, hoping that it does not have improved... Combat reflexes. Umblow walks away. It doesn't. Unmolested. So he gets the full complement of his

movement, which I believe is 20 feet. Correct. Sir Will, you for some reason, you just come out of a trance because you now see this. Sir Will immediately goes to his sheath. And Roselight is not there. What's happened?

I blacked out. And he looks around. He sees it on the ground behind him. He's immediately going to move to the weapon and pick up the weapon. So you tell me how far away I was. Can I move to it and pick it up? You can move to it and pick it up in this round. Okay.

That's what I'll do. Okay. That's my round. All right. And I'll say, Lexington, there's some foul sorcery here. We've been tricked. Come to me. And he'll just move over quickly next to me, Lexington, there's some foul sorcery here. We've been tricked. Come to me. And he'll just move over quickly next to me.

Lexington. And I'll try to mount him. Oh, you know what? I cannot. I believe. This is a family show. So we'll leave those weird habits out of this. But now is not the time.

There are more important things happening. Yes, yes, that's very sexy, but please, we must kill these badgers. I believe, I don't know if it's written in the rules,

but I believe to do a quick dismount or to do a quick mount, you have to roll a DC 20 ride check, but I believe you have to have the available move action

to even try it because if you succeed, it's free, but if you fail, it's a move action, so why would you be able to fail and nothing happens? Well, you could double move, but you had to pick up the thing. Well, no, I moved once and picked it up. That's a move action. So why would you be able to fail and nothing happens?

Well, you could double move, but you had to pick up the things. Well, no, I moved once and picked it up. That's the move action. And that's the second move action, yeah. So next round, I'll try the fast mount. All right. Miss Della Darn. Della is going to jump.

She heard the rustling. She saw Nestor jump up and fire. She's going to jump up and turn around, draw the scimitar. Do I see it? You're over there. It is over here. So you saw Nestor shoot past it. You would have to step in front of Nestor to see it.

You see that there's something over there. You saw Nestor shoot, but see where the tree is? The tree is blocking your line of sight. So I see a creature kind of in there. You see something lurking in the distance. I see a creature. You see something lurking in the distance. Now, keep in mind, I think I let Nestor get off with the... Well, how far does dim light go from that fire?

It goes 20 feet. 20 feet. Okay, so Nestor and Sir Will are going to have a little trouble. Right. Okay. It's just concealment. 20% is 20%. Yeah, 20%.

Okay. Della is going to cast Cat's Grace on herself. And swift action, keen and shock the scimitar. Yeah. Cat's Grace, keen and swift. So Cat's Grace gives you a bonus to dex. Bonus to dex. Clutch.

Classic Della move. Bonus to dex, bonus to dex. Bonus to dex. All right. Can I do... I can't see it, so I can't roll a knowledge check yet. Anything with four syllables now is just going to roll off into that song so easily.

That's a brilliant melody, Niclo. We're going to die. We're going to die. Nestor, your 20% mischance may no longer matter because 20% comes right up in your grill. Oh, thank God. And goes to bite you. Thank God.

That's nice. 19 to bite Nestor Coyne. That's a miss, mate. That's not good enough. And now you see this thing face to face and you're just looking up at this large It's almost like a badger, but much more light. Tall, slim.

There's some kind of Tasmanian marsupial. It's a Tasmanian wolf or something that looks just like this thing. It does look very familiar. It looks like a lemur. It doesn't look like a lemur at all. Well, in the face. Have you ever seen a lemur, Joe?

Like a really huge scary one. Leave the zoology to skin, alright? You've definitely failed that Persimian knowledge roll. I love Persimians. Also, leave the cryptozoology to Skid as well. Please, please do. This one, the other one.

It's the Jersey Devil. The other one goes to bite Umlo. Has already bit Umlo once and 15, I'm assuming, misses Umlo. That's a miss, mate. All right, round two. Umlo had a big chunk taken out of his flesh, but damage has been done to both of these lucratas

is what they're called. Nestor coin, round two. I'm going to take a five foot step back and take another couple of shots. All right, five foot step back. That's a hit. Yeah, and I've got the beam on now. And 26 damage.

26 damage. There it is. Yes. Boom. And I'm going to take my second shot, which will almost certainly miss. Oh, no, 22 to hit. 22 hits.

Excellent. And 20 damage. Nestor kills it. Yeah. Oh, man. I was hoping for that full attack. Boom. Yep.

That one is dead. Excellent. Okay. Baron. Okay, Baron. Baron, similarly to Umlo, is freaked out by giant spell-binding forest creatures, and he's going to rapid shot, deadly aim this Lucrata. That is a hit.

19 on the die. Okay. 16 points of damage. Brutal. Don't fuck with us by the fire at night ooh this one is tough 17 against touch AC 17 against touch yeah I'm sure that bit

that hit 16 points of damage this isn't four ogres sitting around a fire guys final shot up close and deadly that's a hit

up close and deadly to That's a hit. Up close and deadly. Will it be enough to kill it? Will it be enough? 20 points of damage. 19 hit points left. Oh, yeah. Grip point back. Grip point back.

So it's only unconscious. Yes. It has orc ferocity somehow. Interrogated. Will tries to mount it. Stop, Will! Stop! I just want to fast

mount it! It'll only take a free action. Wow, that, uh, that was easy. Oh, man. Let's run it back. Will turns around and sees his weapon on the ground. He's like, I must help my friends! He runs to the weapon, picks it up,

doesn't even mount Lexington, and both creatures are dead. I mean, you see these combats lately are going one of two ways. Yeah. Either it's kind of, what is happening, Pandemonium? Or everything's dead before Sir Will gets to it. Yes, exactly. Now, the way this combat could have changed, obviously, is if Baron drops his gun.

Right. It slows things down a little bit. Very important Will save. But nice job, and XP was earned. Right. It slows things down a little bit. Very important will save. But nice job, and XP was earned. Nice. Umlo is just uh, where's Hardspit? Where's Hardspit? I need to

find Hardspit. Find it in the woods, not too far away. There it is. Della, you wanted to roll a knowledge check on these guys. It's gonna be knowledge arcana. Oh, wow. That's actually something Della doesn't have to use barric knowledge for. And roll

shitty. 16. 16 is enough to learn that for them, this lure ability that they have, they had obviously been tracking you for a while in order to know what your names are. An overheard

Baron. So they're intelligent. They're intelligent magical creatures. Overheard Umlo, rather, talking about Ingrihold and the statue. Because you imagine you got that statue in your last... When you killed the ogres, it was in the thing, and he's like, I want to keep this. Ingrihold

had a thing. So they were spying on you and that's how they were able to know the names know a little bit of that story and what not and most likely their lair is near here oh sounds like it's time for a survival check mate

Baron licks his finger and lifts it in the air to feel the breeze pulls out a little grass, drops it, and does a survival check of a 19. So 19 on the survival check. You see almost back the way you came, but really just the valley is starting to open up here

where you guys decided to camp. If you backtrack just a little bit, there is the valley continues. There's another branch to it? Yeah, there's another branch to it that's just slightly off and if you walk that way, sure enough, you do find it. It's clearly their lair.

And I look inside the lair to see if there are any people of interest, because clearly they prey on people. Perhaps there are some belongings of someone that was there before. Well, in fact, there is. Oh, wow. Bottlecap me. Thank you.

I'll take that right now. Thanks for the bottlecap, Troy. Thanks for the bottlecap, Troy. Do you want the bottlecap or do you want the things? Grant. Grant, really well done. You get the things or the bottlecap? Thank you so much.

All right. You can have the bottlecap, but I'm going to keep all the magical ants. You do see- Is there a magical ant? It's pretty gross. There's the undigested remains of creatures or humans or whatever they found and came back here and vomited it back up into their body. So they probably regurgitate and keep feeding on that from time to time. So it's just this shallow little cave full of regurgitated remains of who knows what. Upon seeing this, Baron says,

Well, Rag always wanted me to do the stable mucking. Well, you've got some mucking to do here. There is a... Did you guys go with him? There's a magical crossbow. There's a magical wand.

There's two opals. A green sapphire. 40 platinum pieces. Oh, yeah. Jackpot! And 210 gold pieces. Oh, damn! Ha!

Yeah, I think I might... Willamette might actually be able to use that crossbow. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Sure, I spellcraft away. I could just see it sitting on hisbow. Yeah, probably. Sure, a spellcraft away. I could just see it sitting on his back. Totally, man. Gotta redo all the art. 28. Matthew, you are

a good spellcrafter. There's nothing worse than spellcrafting and just not knowing for sessions because you'll just forget you even have it. It is a plus one giant bane, heavy crossbow. Whoa. That's serious shit.

That is no joke. That's one D10. But that could be, that really makes him effective if he's off his mount. Yeah, right. Like if he gets stuck off his mount. Because you built this character to be completely useless without Lexington.

Oh, not completely useless. Well, without a mount. Very dependent on Lexington. Very dependent on Lexington, yeah. But that is, is i mean i don't have a high deck so it's a hard to hit but a heavy crossbow with a plus 2d6 for giantsbane is huge i wonder how that would affect your weight because you're wearing heavy armor too and now you've got a heavy crossbow it may put you into the medium encumbrance no they're not that heavy it just it just shows it's more about how it's used i believe it's a full action to load it.

That's right. So you can only shoot every other round because you basically have to put your feet on it and like clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. You get like a crank. Great opening salvo, though. You're on the back of Lexington. You have one shot, and you drop it and then charge it. Ooh, I like this. That's awesome.

All right. Is it a full round action to load? I believe it is. We'll look it up, but I think it is. I think it is, yeah. That's awesome. All right. Is it a full round action to load? I believe it is. We'll look it up. But I think it is. I think it is, yeah. That's what makes it so much. That's why you get that extra damage versus a light crossbow. It's because it takes so much longer to load.

I think Baron also wants this. Oh, really? Because it'll increase my range from 20 feet to much longer at the beginning of a battle. And I can get things roll off. Are you calling for a roll off, Ben? Calling for a roll off. On air roll off. So if you get it

you give Will your gun yeah no I mean I'm half tempted to just give it to him you guys should just wrestle for it but I like a roll off let's do a roll off

let's do a roll off make it a roll off is it just flat out D20 or do I add my charisma bonus are you both adding your modifier alright just D20

I hate you, Matthew. Here we go. Motherfucker! He got it. Ten. I rolled a fucking seven. Seven versus ten. The rich get richer. Yeah, you know what Baron needs is

it's just a better ranged weapon he needs another ranged weapon it's only going to be situational I have one gun that's a dragon's bane

one that's a giant's bane and I got this two barreled thing it's pretty sweet well you and I'll have a much better chance well how does this

happen role playing wise is it just well I've never been a good shot yeah I think it's it could keep us all alive. But whatever's best for you, Baron. Maybe I could use it three days a week.

I get it on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Wednesdays and every other weekend. I'll use it on the days you don't use your gun. One of the days you don't use one of the two guns in Galarian. And the other thing is... No, and it's totally... Baron's totally open when the situation's right for Will to use it. Just toss it to him.

I just imagine the roll-down functions as a stare-off. That's what the rolls represent. What did I shoot? What did I shoot? No, but this basically means that I have to take quick draws of feet next round if I have three things to choose from. Yeah, and don't you have... I'm so sorry.

But, you know, it could actually be kind of valuable for you because don't you have rapid reload? It's only... It's based on the weapon. So it doesn't work with crossbow. Oh, you have to choose... It's like weapon focus. Yeah. You have to choose the weapon.

Oh, very interesting. Okay. So it's useless. No, no, no. It'll be a great opening salvo, and then when people charge in, I get quick drawn. You just throw it to Willamette. The one. Reload this.

Spend a round reloading this. Willamette just reloads it for him. Here, reload this for me. He gets to jump up and down like a pogo stick to get it loaded. Hey, Will, are you sure you weren't a squire in Highbury, not a knight? Reload this. That's a deep cut, Sheriff. I'm sorry, I think Troy was going to say something about another thing.

You found a wand to match Sir Will's feelings. A wand of crushing despair. It has 32 charges left on it. I don't think any of you can use it I mean you could probably roll Muse Magic Device What is it, an anti-paladin spell?

It's a third level bard spell You can use it Well he has to roll for it Oh okay, so you have to roll for it Anyways, an invisible cone of despair causes great sadness in the subjects Not unlike the Curse of Melancholy Each affected creature takes a minus two penalty

on attack rolls, saving throws, ability checks, skill checks, and weapons. So it's sickened, but it's sadness. This would really build into this Deleth thing that's happening that I don't like at all. Yeah. And now she's inflicting people. She's just very negative.

Yes, I'm speaking as Will. I only speak as Will on air. She's the voice. She's the voice. Use your words Matthew that has 32 charges 32 charges wow that's great that's great

this is so it's similar to what afflicted us when we fought Gransildek yeah the curse of melancholy and just so we don't get a hundred fucking emails

next week we know that he can use it without penalty because because she has Barton levels. Right. Yes. Don't worry, Skid. We'll still get those. I know we will. So I don't even have to roll for it. No, you don't. If it was a scroll,

then you would. Right? Well, we'll look it up. Whatever. Let's not commit to anything, Skid. But can I do an appraise? You absolutely can. Ah, shit. 15. 15. The opals are worth over 500 each nice easily do we know that exactly and this no because there's a praise roll fell do you want baron says

i've got a bit of an eye for gemstones oh you like you dwarves i know you people you like the gems what do you mean you people well what do you mean you people what do you mean you people just because you're quoting me doesn't make it all right now i'm more confused than when this conversation started so i'm just gonna take one quick look at them gemstones uh it's worse 300 gold each, just as I thought. Yeah, it's worse. They're quite nice. But, but, I'm going to step back and say,

hey, let another dwarf take a look. Remember how Troy always takes a look? He hates a praise test. 20, 20. God, I'm just going to tell you. Why don't you just tell me the number? The opals are worth 600 gold each, and the green sapphire is

worth 900 gold yes sapphires you get full price for those when you sell those right you'll get half yeah but we need to make sure that we all saw them we all saw that right with nester here we all saw well no because i i let yeah we're all together okay i'm just making sure that it wasn't like yeah like if nester had done the tracking I would have let him have a chance to slide. Got it. So 40 platinum, 210 gold, two opals worth 600 each, a $900 sapphire, and then two magical things. Pretty good haul. That is a good fucking haul for a couple of ocelots.

For things that only two of us hit. Yeah. I turn to Sir Will and I say, Sir Will, you're the most honorable person among us. I elect you to take care of these gemstones. It will be my honor, Sheriff, and my duty as your command. I just, I don't have enough room to hold them with this,

with this magical crossbow I just got. I'll put them in this handy haversack. It'll keep me light on my feet when I reload your crossbow. Well, let's get back to the camp and continue our resting time.

And sure enough, you do. You guys can burn the bodies, you can eat the bodies if you wanted to. You got two weeks worth of supplies from the Chinaman's Fortune. Can we do a roll to see if it's legitimate meat? Like, if it's good meat

because if we're going to be in the valley for a long time it might not yeah I mean it's a magical beast but there's no reason to think

it's not like poisonous meat yeah I mean if you were to continue to roll on it you'd find that they're immune to poison so maybe there's

something in it that wouldn't hurt you maybe there's something in it that would though yeah if they're immune to poison they might have toxins they're immune to poison and to disease yeah like antibiotics they actually got a little something in it that would, though. If they're immune to poison, they might have toxins already. They're immune to poison

and to disease. Yeah, like antibiotics. They actually got a little bit in it. Don't eat it. Della, put down a little chronic. She's like, I'm sick in her mouth. No, no. Since Baron has no hat currently, he's going to put on his sheriff's

cap, Sheriff of True Now, and want to solve this mystery to some extent. He wants to do a knowledge local to try to determine who these powerful and wealthy individuals may have been walking through the forest that were waylaid by these Lucratas. If there was someone important or valuable

from Shinemon's Fort. Is there any markings on the heavy crossbow? That kind of thing. Where did it come from? Good roll. Go for it. Identifying. Shit. That is a 14. Wait, this is a knowledge local, right?

Knowledge local? Yeah, I'm going to do the same. 20 for Sir Willamette. 24 for Della. 22 for me. Yeah, so Nestor and Della, you know, you guys just got into this valley. And the first thing you, I just thought that was a wolf outside. It's the sirens.

I love sirens. I was like, guys, we got to take that back. There was a wolf that got on the mic. A wolf in the middle of Queens. I wouldn't put it for Queens. It's a progressive development. A werewolf in London. Oh.

You know, you get in here, and immediately you're fighting magical beasts. It's very strange to be in Minderhall's Valley. You're expecting giants, and you get attacked by these creatures. Baron, you look at this stuff, and you're just trying to place, like, do you think these people came from Shinerman's Fortune?

You're not quite sure. Sir Will doesn't think that's the case. So Nestor and Della start putting two and two together and think that if this place, this Minderhall's Valley, used to be a sacred place for the gathering of worshippers of Minderhall, at a certain point when the giants fell out, became extinct or moved on, when Minderhall fell out of favor as a deity to be worshipped,

probably the dwarves came in. And so these things, you start looking at it, this crossbow is very, very old. Dwarven weapon? These are dwarven weapons. Dwarven rubies and sapphires. Well, there's your reason right there to give it to Baron.

So you're saying that this was like Mecca to the giants. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. But, so you're saying that this was like Mecha to the Giants. Exactly. Or like Jedha in the new Rogue One, which you've all seen and enjoyed.

No spoilers, Skid. Joe hasn't seen that yet. Don't open up this kind of conversation! I'm a child alright it complicates things I know I know

you're very busy you're telling me you haven't shown that child the new Star Wars movie yet what kind of father are you I'm going to call child for sex and services she saw it

but she had big headphones on she didn't hear anything well no but I do like this idea this image of like you know that giants would travel

from far away to come here just to be in this sacred place and now that is it's sort of passed on it's been defined but now this uh volstice or this uh what's the name gristle crack is regathering giants to this place i mean it's a taking it back for the giants right gristle crack corn and I don't care. So let's keep moving on. That's pretty good. Old Warb is saying. That's half a bottle, Ken.

That's a future title. Okay, so you guys rest. Get your whatever HP you need to get back. I think really only Umlo. Were all you guys at full going into this? Yeah, we were. Because we had rested a night before this night. All right, so Umlo got crit, but the 28 turned into a 17

now that we're going to roll double the dice as opposed to double the number. I like that. Not bitter at all. Nope, nope. Umlo says, Sir Will may I have some of your holy healing? Absolutely. I don't know why I did it back to you in your

same voice. That's same voice that's offensive what do you mean you people no reason to make fun of me he will channel for ten points I'm sorry nine points of healing and then I can do another one too another eight

so that's seventeen right there before we even rest great and there's no way I'm still suffering from ability damage. No, we have to find that guy Shinerman. Alderman. Or some sort of healer that can cast Restoration.

Or find out Scroll of Lesser Restoration. You know, if we see... It's Restoration. That's the problem. Not Lesser, right? No, Lesser rolls... No. Lesser cures 1d4 points of ability damage for one score. Right, but this is ability Drain,

which can only be healed by Restoration. Yes, right. Yeah, so if we come across a... By any chance, like a giant cleric during a battle, we should try to keep that cleric alive. We should have tied down those Lucratas and said, Heal him!, heal him! And they said that Tarim

Shimmerman, if he's still alive, could help you as well. Who knows what the hell's going on out here in this strange ancient valley. Alright, so you guys rest up. Is Amlo at full with the healing? Alright, so you guys are all full. Of course, Amlo's new full is 46 hit points as opposed to

his con is down so much from the gaze. Still from the gaze. From Lockmore Ettergaard. Me too. And that got a serious effect on people. I'm starting to believe more in your theory, Joe, that a cleric is necessary in a party. Yes. Starting.

Yeah, because it's not just about healing hit points in combat. It's about a lot more than just that. Especially stuff like this. They're definitely fucking nice to have. It's also about summoning rhinoceroses and stuff like that. Yeah. Hugely important. All right, so you wake up the next day,

and if you were to continue exploring that branch there, it just led to nowhere, where the cave was for the Lucratus. It's daytime now? Yeah, it's daytime now. So as of right now, the valley is only pointing in one direction, which is easterly. Maybe going a little bit to the south for those of you with a good sense of direction, but pretty much just going east. And again, the mountains are surrounding you on either side. It's very beautiful, but the valley's wide, so it's not like you're hemmed in.

The mountains are miles apart. Some portions of the valley get thinner than others, but you still have that stream and the overgrown footpath next to it. So it's providing relatively... The traveling isn't that bad. It's not boggy. It's not slowing

you down too much. How are you guys traveling now in the day? Are you guys all mounted? Are some of you walking besides the mounts? I think I'm actually walking. Okay. Felt uncomfortable holding Baron's waist? Well, yeah.

And I just feel like I'm better on my feet. Yeah. Right. Bow drawn or is it on your back? No, because I have the quick draw. I can just leave it. Right. Bow drawn or is it on your back? No, because I have the quick draw. I can just leave it. Right. I trust that I can just get it out immediately.

So Will's on Lexington. Yeah, Will's on Lexington. He's got his long sword sheathed and he's holding his lance at all times. He kind of holds it high. It's got the banner sort of wafting off of it in the wind. The two griffins on a green field kind of letting everyone know that. Have you said that before? No, not on the show, the two griffins on a green field, kind of letting everyone know that... Have you said that before, that that's your No, not on the show, no. Two griffins

rampant on a field, vert. Yes! Yes! That's exactly it. Yeah, that's exactly it. And it's, yeah, so he's holding it high and letting the banner, you know, whip in the wind to kind of, you know, let anyone know who sees it that those who come through are

with a knight of Highbury. Though they won't recognize it, but hey. Baron, you are on Dusty. I have both of my hands on top of the handle at the front of my saddle, kind of real

casually bouncing back and forth just to kind of move at the same speed of everyone else. And I put a cigarillo in my mouth and I drag a match along the leather of the saddle and I light it up and I take a deep puff and I say, Minderhall's

Valley. What an ugly sight. And meanwhile he has a crossbow tied to his head like a hat. And they're kind of trotting along here. Lexington much more silent than the horses. I would say Umlaut's probably walking aside Reginald. Can he keep up?

Well, no, yeah, they're just, the horses are walking. Everything's, we're all walking. Yeah, we're all walking right now. And I would say, I would say Sir Willamette, I would say Sir Willamette counters that. He's got his lance up in the air and he's looking around and he's saying, Sheriff, though I know we face great danger here,

I believe that these people have not yet corrupted this place for there is a natural beauty here. This place is blessed, and it is that blessing that we try to save. Don't let their evil taint this place, for we don't know

how many days we may continue living. We should take in this beauty while we still can. I'll say better. Oh, in Riddleport. Oh, in Riddleport? Was it in Riddleport that you saw better? I've travelled extensively. Was it in the sewers of Riddleport?

Didn't you listen to my intro in a few episodes? I don't want to diminish your enjoyment of the natural beauty, but I'm just saying it's not that impressive if you've been to more of the world like I have. Well, having only come from the world wound, this is quite impressive to me. No, yeah, it's got to look good compared to that. Are you guys straight lining it,

or are you like two by two by two? Talk to me about... Not party order. I just want to know... Yeah, you want to know party order. I'm trying to get a visual. Sir Willem, it's good in front unless somebody else wants to take the front. He's good to lead with the banner. I'll be like

right behind you. I mean, the valley's a mile wide. I'm walking next to Nestor, we'll say. They're walking ahead so they can kind of keep pace. I just want to be towards the front so I can spot traps. Sure. And so maybe Della and Baron on be towards the front so I can spot traps. Sure. And so maybe Della and Baron on Reginald and Dusty in the back. Sure.

Della, I will say, is a little ill-tempered from the previous night's battle and the bickering that's going on, and she's kind of got her head slung low or her hair is dripped in front of her face. She's very emo right now. Yeah, she's a disgruntled team show us on the

doll before we get attacked by the listener sent us a doll dolls of all of our characters there's a very

cool one of Della Della has very expressive hair just part it enough so we can see one eye visual here you can hear Della puts on her headphones and you can hear like the cures hearted enough so we can see one eye.

Visual here. Della puts on her headphones and you can hear the Cure playing. Friday, I'm in love. The boys don't cry. The boys don't cry. Daddy and daddy are fighting so she puts on her headphones.

Oh, she's great. Before we get attacked by five Robert Smith dressed up giants that come out of nowhere. Eye makeup. Big black wigs. Baron turns to Sir Will and says, Sir Will, I see you've been training in Umlo, and that's encouraging. I'm excited to see what could happen there, but I want to know, since you've had so much time training Lexington, if you could train old Dusty here to be more reliable in a combat situation.

It's very interesting, Sheriff. I hadn't thought of that. You are quite accomplished with that weapon. The gun, I speak of, of course. Not the heavy crossbow. I haven't seen of that. You are quite accomplished with that weapon. The gun I speak of, of course. Not the heavy crossbow. I haven't seen you use it yet. But you do... It does take some discipline from your mount to be able to fire from horseback. And it could, at some point, save our lives.

So let me see what I can do. Lexington will help as well. Won't you, Lexington? And he rubs his neck. I made him sound like a horse, but, you know, just kind of angry wolfish. And Baron throws... Don't commit me to something. That's kind of what it said. Feed him an apple.

Baron throws from Dusty a little bit of jerky from his pocket in the air to Lexington, and he wants Lexington to snatch it out of the air. Oh, he snatches it right out of the air. And then spits it out. He's like, I'm a vegetarian. I prefer potatoes. I prefer ostrich chips. Now, is this something that we can actually do is it like can i can we can i do a i guess i'm so used to lork training animals yeah i can i can do checks to train them it takes

a week i think we can do this off air to some extent i'm sure yeah but yeah i mean you've been getting a lot of crap about not using leington to fight. But it's by choice. It's not that you don't think you can do it, right? You're just choosing not to. Right. Well, you can choose to have your mount bite in battle, but I think that the bite draws more attention to him than the damage he does warrants. And I usually want to keep both of us out of range. So the idea is the ride-by attack, the spring attack, or not spring attack, but the spirited charge, that kind of thing.

is the ride-by attack, the spring attack, or not spring attack, but the spirited charge, that kind of thing. But it's a big difference for Dusty. You have to understand having a non-combat trained mount versus Reginald and Lexington, who are combat trained. Sure. And you can train a mount to be combat trained, which lowers all of the DCs of your other ride checks.

So Baron can actually shoot three times from horseback while riding like a hundred feet in one round. Yeah. If we get this combat train. I mean, he can do it without a combat train. No, actually he can't because you have to spend a whole move action just to focus the horse. Well, this is

something to think about certainly off air. You're going to have the time. I'm tracking the days and I'll share that. I keep saying I'm going to share the calendar with you, but I've kind of written other things on there I don't want you to see. But I'm tracking the time so you can see, okay, he learned it on this day. He knows how to do that.

Okay, we'll work on that. I like that. Yeah, you can. To get combat training, the animal has to have an intelligence score of two. Yeah. Well, it'll take a little time, but we can do it. This dusty path that you're going on,

atop Dusty, begins to ease down a gentle slope littered with small boulders that have fallen from above. Jagged gray mountains rise on all sides, their peaks resembling the broken jaw of a fallen god. On the

surrounding slopes, small copses of fir trees cling desperately to patches of rocky soil. Their exposed roots tenaciously grasping the earth in knotted tangles. You guys are walking and the mountain slope

in front of you begins to turn around the bend. Everyone roll a perception check. 29. I am on fire. Six. 20. 29 for Baron and a 15 for Umla. Okay.

Everyone, except Sir Will. Do you guys all speak giant? I don't. You don't? I actually might. Wait, did I learn it? Lork used to. Lork used to.

Good as you know. Gormley did. Common Dwarven orc nope Baron? nope oh shit no one speaks giant Umlo?

Umlo speaks giant he does there we go I stopped the birds on purpose is that a good choice? Umlo says everyone except Sir Will Sir Will's too busy

taking in all the beauty, hears like a head, but you can't make out the sounds. It all sounds like gibberish. And Umlo puts up his fist. And Umlo can hear, it's like a mishmash of giant and goblin and orc. The predominant language is giant, but it's like a, it's called a pigeon of all three. And he hears up ahead, This is all your fault. You could have got us killed out there.

Oh, don't you blame me. You wanted to join this army, not me. Well, of course I wanted to join you, overgrown child. And if you had displayed even the slightest bit of coordination out there, we'd have triumphed in those pits, and the recruiter would have chosen us. Then you hear...

What is it, girl? She smells something, you fool. Hey! Who's up there? Oh, fuck. See you next week. Oh, shit!

Now they heard us! Oh, man. Well, it's a girl, at least. Oh, we were down with it. Yeah, whatever that animal is.'s a girl. We were down with him. Finally a girl. Finally a girl. so when you guys came down hold on on one second. Can you get your fucking shit down? Slightly. Distracted.

Joe, can I have it? Get out of his fridge. Get out of his fridge. Out of his fridge. Out of his fridge.