The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 92 - Dead Ender's Game

Episode Date: February 28, 2017

As Barron comes face to face with potential connections to his unknown past, the party encounters a much more powerful version of an old foe times three! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast... Let's get ready to rumble! And here it is, the advanced cave giants against the true down high! Cave giants corner the party. There's no negotiating with giants. And Troy's excitement can't be contained. But it is now... Havata!

Troy's so happy! The fight will demand risky tactics. excitement can't be contained. But it is now Havata. Troy's so happy. The fight will demand risky tactics. If you're listening at home, which obviously you are, Will is all alone away from the party. Don't roll a natty one. Don't roll a natty one! And the players

will be on the edge of their seats. Oh, he did it again! Oh, that's a hit! That's a hit! But this is only the beginning. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of giants. Oh, God. Oh, shit.

The adventure continues now. What's up, everybody? Big Daddy Troy here. That is creepy. That is unnecessarily creepy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't call me Big Daddy. Sorry I said that. Oh, boy. What is going on with the GCP? Well, tickets to the first ever GCP live show are sold out. Remind me to say we actually sold out in less than 24 hours, which is just amazing to me,

but it's because we have the greatest fans in all of podcasting. There were a bunch of people who pre-RSVP'd by email, so they got first crack at tickets, obviously, and then the rest sold like hotcakes when we put them online. Now, for those lucky few who secured your ticket, you're going to bear witness for the first time

in Glass Cannon history as Skid, GM's a Pathfinder Society scenario with myself and the other three idiots as the players. And we're actually going to let the fans decide what class and race each of us play with polls that we're going to put up on social media over the next few weeks that you're going to be able to vote in. Now, if you didn't get a ticket, don't worry. Calm down.

Just calm down. We are packing fans into this event. It's going to be standing room only for a bunch of us. And all the proceeds from the tickets are actually going right back to supporting our host and local gaming store, the Geekery HQ, right here in Astoria, Queens. So unless we burn the place to the ground, there will be plenty more live events to come. Now, we've been teasing it on social media all week that we have a big announcement. So let me blurt that out, and then we'll get to the show. Since we started this

podcast, I am continually amazed at how many emails we get from people asking if there's any way they can help support the show beyond just telling their friends. Since day one, we have thankfully never missed a week putting out a show, and we are dedicated to making sure we never do. However, between full-time jobs and babies and acting and playwriting careers and life in general, we have reached a point now where in order to keep this show going at the same quality you've all come to expect, as well as to work to eventually release more new and exciting content, we need your help. eventually release more new and exciting content, we need your help. I think it's fair to say that our most asked request via email or Facebook messages since day one has been, can you please start a Patreon page so we can help support what you're doing? Well, it's been a long time coming

and we had to jump through a few hoops, but tomorrow, March 1st, 2017, at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, we will be launching the Glass Cannon Patreon page. We spent a lot of time putting it together and creating rewards that we think you, the fans, will really like. Now, if you're not familiar with Patreon, basically, for those of you who are interested in supporting the show and are able

to, you pledge a certain monthly dollar amount to keep the show going. $2, $5, $10, $15, whatever. And for as long as you keep your pledge going, you're going to get things from us in return. Rewards, as it were. Now, I don't want to spoil what those rewards are, but obviously, the more you're able to pledge, the more fun stuff you're going to get. And there's some really good stuff on there, I think, especially at the higher reward tiers. Likewise, once we unlock certain monthly total amount of pledges, you're going to

help us unlock goals that we have for the show, like, oh, I don't know, video content, and maybe, just maybe, a second show. Anyway, be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Twitch to get the link when that Patreon page launches tomorrow, March 1st, at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, because there are some rewards on there that are a limited quantity. So get on it! Every single one of you listening to the show has supported us just by listening every week, just by telling a friend, and just by reaching out to us and letting us know that maybe our silly little show made you laugh today, or even got you through a tough time. We get those emails all the time and it always touches us. If we could continue doing this show without asking for support, we would. But sadly, we're not independently wealthy and we have no famous people on our show just yet working on it.

So until some angel investor falls out of the sky to help take us to the next level, we really need your help if you are able to. Thank you for everything that you do to the next level. We really need your help, if you are able to. Thank you for everything that you do to keep us going. And as the march to episode 100 keeps going, please enjoy episode 92, Dead Enders Game. Right as we went off the air last week,

Joe looked at me and was like, wait, when do we fight cave giants? Like, not only is Lork gone from this, but Joe is. Well, we fought a lot of giants now with a lot of different adjectives before a giant. This is the first giant you fought, though. I swear I remember Joe being there when we recorded that episode, but I guess I was wrong. Well, I have since gotten myself up to speed. Remember, it was the one that came out of a cave

Alright It's a nice mnemonic device To use to remember You probably didn't recognize them Because they weren't swinging orcs on chains That's what I was thinking There weren't three of them swinging orcs on chains So I was thrown off

These guys are a lot stronger and harder I want you to roll a perception check There is a half orc orcs on chains, so I was thrown off. These guys are a lot stronger and harder. Right. I want you to roll a perception check. There is a half-orc with exceptionally long tusks attached to the end of one of the cave giant's chains. This is an arena. I mean, now, you said

last week that it looked like, what did you say, a mile high, like a football stadium? Yeah, it looks like a mile high stadium. We're in the South Stands right now. This is the kickoff. And here it is The advanced cave giants Against the true now five Cave giants have elected To defer I really think

The cave giants Would be coached By Bill Belichick They probably They always wanted And here comes Their mascot Lexington

Running out on the field The true now Lexington Oh boy Man on the field. Let's turn out Lexington. Oh, boy, man, there was a lot that went down last week. We didn't even have an encounter. Yeah. Once you guys decided to go north, I was like, sweet. Cave giant encounter. And then there was just so much, you know, all these side valleys.

I mean, as a player, it would drive me nuts. I know it has to drive most of you guys nuts, not knowing, like, is there something down there? Is, like, there a little magical item, or is there another temple? You know, what the hell's down there? But eventually, you make your way here, and you see these abandoned mines. There was some sort of slavery going on. Were they enslaving dwarves? Were they enslaving giants? Were they enslaving giants were they enslaving humans i mean look it looks like the work of giants that cut these whole made these caves but they're all like there's all these honorifics to dwarven families right on them you go in one of them

it kind of ends nothing you go in the next there's just this network of crazy uh you know tunnels leading around and around you know if you go too far, you'll end up in the Darklands. So did the dwarves come afterwards and finish what the giants started? Were the giants enslaving the dwarves? I don't know. You do know! That's true, I do. Liar!

It's rhetorical. I do love the idea of just going into the mines and starting a whole new campaign, like at episode 100. Right, I'll just start home. See you later. I'll start home brewing at Wonderland. Ruins of Undermountain. We just adapt Ruins of Undermountain. Just do that whole thing.

You guys come out. You enter one, and you come way out on the other side, and you look at the next one, and you see a volcano. You see a I think I said child, but an infant being carried up a volcano. You see a I think I said child, but an infant being carried up a volcano. A picture of a gun,

but not like your gun, like a gun from centuries ago, but you're like, I know a gun when I see one. Yeah. Needs some sharpening on a wet snow, for sure. It's the dullest gun. It was in the tomb of Nargrim Steelhand that you find out that quite possibly

you could be a descendant of someone, a tribe of people that used guns, a tribe of people that, you know, brought their children up to the top of a mountain, buried them with a gun underneath them. If they survived, all right, you can be part of the clan. If not, guess it wasn't meant to be. And then you get your gun and your name day.

But somehow you were taken away from that. Maybe you were saved. Maybe you were, you got lost name day. But somehow you were taken away from that. Maybe you were saved. Maybe you got lost in the fray and you were raised a red heart. You find out from Drogia a zillion episodes ago that you're not a red heart. Although the myths may not be true.

Well, the name day is also a very interesting tie-in to the Hope Knife ceremony in the beginning of the whole. There's some sort of kismet between these two things. It's all tied together. So if you are connected to this at all, if your family had anything to do with this particular excavation

of a mine, then perhaps this rune will tell you a little bit of chunk of who you really are. Before you have a chance to examine it. Three huge, tusked cave giants.

Two of them have battle axes and one of them has this weapon that you recognize as a weird dwarven weapon. Two of them have their wives with them? Two of them have their wives. Wow. And they're holding their purses. Swinging purses around.

They're sitting on the couch waiting for them to finish dress shopping. The old battle axe. What do we do here? We've got a role initiative, but Barron, I've got to ask you. What's been going through your head all week? What's happening in my head metagaming-wise is that I hope that this doesn't mean that Troy's going to kill my character to bring in a new one soon. It'd be a perfect place for him to die. Really, right?

Yep. Right outside that cave. Guns right there. Everything would be explained. Ship off the old block. I do have old Greedy with me. Joe can finally try to roll for that belt of dexterity he wanted all the time. Yes!

I'll take it! He'll be rolling over your body as he r all the time. Yes! I'll take it! Roll? He'll be rolling over your body as he rips it off. And that heavy crossbow. Don't forget the heavy crossbow. No, but what I'm interested in, after I know the name of this, is to cross-references and to think, is there a volcano near here? Am I near where that family is?

I know it's tied into Nargrim somehow and the relationship between those ancestors and poor Umlo's going to die soon. There's just so many things. Should I take the hand? Should I move forward if he dies? Will I die before that? I don't know. There's a million things that could happen.

Right. If you are indeed connected to these people, to this tribe, to one of Nargrim's steel hands like right-hand men, if you are kin to them, are any of them still alive? Right.

From what you know, from what Droja told you, there's no Redhearts left. So you can't go back and ask, hey, how did I end up getting here in the first place? If they are truly all dead. But maybe you'll be able to find out part of your story

if your real family does still live. Yeah. But in the meantime, you have bloodthirsty cave giants bearing down on you. You guys want to see a pic? Yeah. Why not?

Yes, please. I love the pic. You guys at home want to see this pic? But you can't. I would love to see the pic. Look at this dude. Oh, whoa. Look at this dude.

Come on. Look at this dude. He's a lovely shade of turquoise. He is. He looks way tougher than the other one that we fought. He looks more like... Yeah, they look more urbane or something, like more intelligent. Could you just scroll down a little bit so I can

see the resistances? Oh, sure. Yeah, because he made a minute. Roll for initiative. That almost worked. So what about Keswick? All right. Who's playing I'm Low this week? I'm I'm Low.

Oh, my popular demand. Back to Matthew. You got through another episode without having to actually roll anything. I should never have him in combat. All right. Who is over 26? 29. 29 for Nestor. All right. Who is over 26? 29. 29 for Nestor.

All right. Any other 20s? Ooh. Joe, you got excited over what? Something over 15? I got a 20. You got a 20 even. Okay.

20 even. Della, where are you at? 16. 16 for Della. Umlo? A little slow there, Della. Umlo's at nine. Ooh. Baron. Baron has a gentleman's 15. Ooh. A for Della. Umlo? A little slow there, Della. Umlo's at 9. Ooh, Baron.

Baron has a gentleman's 15. Ooh. A gentleman's 15. All right. I know where the cave giants are. Let's see. So how far are you guys apart? This has charge written all over it.

They're like 130 feet away, I think. Okay, who's up front there? Is that Sir Will on Lexington? Yeah, on Lexington? On Lexington. That's right, because while they were really examining things, you were keeping an eye out. Yeah, I was behind, back in the field, looking back at the field.

Right, so nobody's getting to jump on anybody, but this is like a fight. Yes. Kick off. And the ball is in Nestor's court. Now, Nestor's this far away. Baron, you're like, oh, Baron's ranged, right? No prob. Baron's got to get really close, unless you're using the crossbow. I have theor's this far away. Baron, you're like, oh, Baron's ranged, right? No prob. Baron's gotta get really

close, unless you're using the crossbow. I have the giant's main crossbow. Okay. Talk to me, Nestor coin. Well, as much as I would love to act first before they go, get the flat-footed and my sneak attack damage,

they have to be within 30 feet for me to get that. And in fact, they're outside my first range and come in at the moment. So I'm just going to delay. Delay. Yes. Okay. Nestor is going... You delayed saying that I delayed.

I did. I was watching Matthew whisper something to Joe. Sir Will, with a Joe. Sir Will with a 20. Sir Will is going to ask Yomadai for protection and use a standard action to enact divine armor and make his armor champion armor. I was wondering, is he going to charge directly into three cave giants? Yes. He's just going to enact the divine armor. Divine armor. Divine Armor.

That's a standard action. Is it just an AC bonus, or is it a blessed AC bonus? It's a plus one to the armor, but I'm foregoing that for the champion ability, which gives me a plus two bonus, AC bonus, to anyone that I challenge or smite. Ah, a little preview of coming smites. Coming smites. And I could do it right now as a swift but I don't

want to because I'm not sure how they're going to fan out so tactically I'm going to wait to see where they're positioned before I pick one to destroy holding on the swifty exactly holding on the swift thoughts free action quick talk if I may party can I read this road takes a full round action

to turn around and save from the road. Baron says, Just take a five foot step. Get out of my way so I can shoot these sons of bitches. All right. Lexington will... He knows Baron's voice when he hears it.

He takes a five foot step to the side. All right. Offer a window. All right. Also, technically, you can't do that. Oh, because of the champion's armor? No, only on your turn. I can't free action talk? You can do a free action on your turn. Well, then don't do the five foot step. Make me move.

No, you know what? Actually, I was going to go out, so just to separate myself from the party to set up for a charge. So move me like 15 feet away from the party. Yeah, just kind of fanning out to the side to split up a little bit. Get ready to tilt! I just want to see whichever one is going to split towards

me. I feel sorry for that guy. Will, if you're listening at home, which obviously you are, Will is all alone away from the party, but still very far from the trio of bowling pins that is the cave giants.

Della, nine. Della's going to cast haste. Yes! And then she's going to fan out a little bit to the left. Oh, to the left, to the left, to the left. Now, Baron, slide, slide, slide. All right, Baron. Did you have to get right in front of me, love?

Now, talk to me, Baron. Can you have the crossbow preloaded? No, he had it loaded. So it's ready to go. The other thing that happens with Hero Lab is with haste, even with the reloading things, we've talked about how it calculates these things properly. I get

two attacks with it. You get two attacks. You can reload. While hasted, apparently. Hero Lab's calculating it. It would not have added it, remember, in the past when I thought of it. This is true. I'll allow it. I just need to get within 120 feet to be within my first range increment. So are we saying that the one at the front away from me is approximately 130 feet away?

Vic, we have a grid right there. Yeah, it's 100. It's simple math. Did you just step up, by the way? Because that would be a move action. That's right, Grant. That's right. Five foot step.

That's the biggest five foot step I've ever seen. I don't know where I am anymore. Just put me five feet away from where I was. Troy, do the combat for me. No, that looks right. What do you think? I'll be five feet away from where it was. Troy, do the combat for me.

No, that looks right. What do you think? Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, fifty-five. Yeah, you're with me. Okay, great. So I'm going to shoot twice at the first guy. Guy at the Vanguard. There are three giants in a triangle knuckle puck position. You may fire when ready.

Flat-footed, a sizzle. Plus nine against giants. Oh, boy. Oh, is that a two? Three. It's a three, so that's a 12 to hit. I was like, is your crossbow broken? No.

Misfire. Yeah, misfire crossbow. Hits me. All right, what did you say? It was a what to hit? It's a nine. No, a 12. Get out of here with that.

Garbage. Next attack, and then I'm dropping the crossbow. Actually, with haste, I might keep it for a while. Okay, that's a 20 to hit. 20 to hit. Miss. Oh. No.

Flat footed. Oh, shit. Miss flat footed. Wow. They probably don't have any. They don't have any. Their flat foot is probably the same as their regular. Oh, my. How about that? Troy is so happy. Well, yeah, they don't have any. Their flat foot is probably the same as their regular. But it is now.

How's that? Troy is so happy. All right. He looks like the Joker. Okay, what do I want to do here? This is new music, by the way. It is. What is this?

It's just new Syrinscape music. Oh, nice. It is. What is this? It's just new Sirenscape music. Oh, nice. It's within the same sound set we've used before, but he... Ben Loomis has refreshed it. What a genius that man is. Sure is. All right. I think we're going to charge at Sir Will.

All right. Let me see if I've got the distance here. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60. Show Ken. Show Ken. This is the one with the dwarven weapon. The other two have battle axes. This one has some strange dwarven weapon.

One attack, plus two on the charge. It is going to be a 25, Sir Will. 25 to hit? 25 to hit. That hits. Hits Sir Will atop Lexington for, oh boy, 23 points of damage. Boom! You get hit.

Ouch! Yeesh. All right, and now it's time for the fan out I'm going to take my turn Oh, Nestor, jumping in I'm going to take a five foot step To my right To Nestor's right

And I'm going to Fire off old Jota 26 26 hits And this is the one that just charged Sir Will Yes Got it And 26. 26 hits. And this is the one that just charged Sir Will. Yes. Got it. And.

Oh, wow. 52 points of damage. Oh, my. What? God. Multi-shot. Multi-shot, mate. Multi-shot.

52 points of damage. And that had the electrical in there as well. You don't have to tell me the difference for this one. Okay. And second shot. 19. 19 misses. Third shot.

Oh, I rolled a 19. Natural 19. That's a hit. 18 damage. 18 damage. 18? Yes. 18 and 52 in one round. Oh, yeah. That is 70 points of damage by one character.

All right, the other two are just going to double move to get up into y'all's shit. So this guy, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60. Up there, this guy we'll say gets up to there. So now they've fanned out, and now they went from being 100 feet away to being about 20 feet away.

That escalated quickly. And Sir Will still alone in the group. Umlo's turn. Umlo, now hasted, is going to move up and attack the giant that attacked Sir Will. Yeah! He loves him some Sir Will. And he's going to attack

with Heart Spear. I'd like to go on record right now and say Umlo will level up when he confirms a crit with Heart Spin. Okay. And I think he should take a Paladin level. will level up when he confirms a crit with Heartspin. Oh! And I think he should take a Paladin level. He should.

And he will. He's learning from Sir Will. Crit with Heartspin? Talk to me. First, we've got to roll our saves. Alright, so they all roll Will saves? Just these two, 30 feet. Alright, the first guy rolled a 9. Fail.

Second guy, the one that attacks Sir Will, also fail. Yes! So they are minus 2 to attacks and everything else? Minus 4 to attacks and saving throws for 1d4 rounds. Wow! Minus 4. Okay.

Giant nail scale nails. For 4 rounds. Awesome! And then scale nails. For four rounds. Awesome. And then I have to roll my save. Fail. So Umlo is locked into combat with this giant. Right. You'll either save Sir Will or die try. You're gonna die.

All right. So now, does he get multiple attacks? No, because I moved. You moved. Okay. With heart spit. Heart spit. 19 to hit.

19 does not hit. Damn it. With heart spit. That's it? Oh, that's it? That's that. That's it. All right, round two.

Well, if you want to give me another attack, I'm happy to take it. Sir Will. I am just going to full-on withdraw and get out of there and flank the giants. Because I have 100 feet of movement with haste. Oh, yeah. So you're going to shoot. I'm going back to the wall, like away from them. Oh, okay.

And then looping around the far side of them with the Highbury banner blowing in the breeze. You're going to skirt the half circle in the back. breeze. You're going to skirt the half circle. Yeah, I'm going to skirt the half circle for a hundred feet and come around behind them. And as I go by the one that's farthest away from the party that I'm surrounding, I'm just going to point to him as I'm riding by.

Just be like, I'm coming for you, fella! Give a thumbs down. I'm going to smite evil. So I will smite evil on him and then end up like some 50, 60 feet behind him. So you're using Lexington's move. Lexington's double move. All right. And you're taking an attacker?

I'm sorry. No, he's not. I'm withdrawing. Oh, you're withdrawing. Full withdrawal. Okay. Back and around. Oh, because of Lexington.

Got to go. Della. The magical. You're up. Della is going to swift action Keen and shock her scimitar. Yes. And then she's going to use her hasted speed to roll acrobatics to avoid the attack of opportunity to get up in

this giant's grill. Okay, so that's just, we haven't done this in a while, actually. Is it just the CMD? Move through a threatened area. Opponent's CMD. Yeah. That is a 25. Fail. Wait, wait, let me just check.

Nope, I'm sorry. It's a 28. Let me just check. No, I have a bonus because of my dexing defender trait. Oh. All right, you're fine. Yeah, all right.ing defender trait. Oh. All right, you're fine. Yeah, all right. You get one.

Okay. And then I'm going to attack with the flaming shocking scimitar. You're attacking the only one that has not rolled against, has a minus four because of the nail scale armor. Ooh. Miss. Ooh. Collar neck pull.

Miss. Collar neck pull. Is it just me, or have you not rolled well in like over a month? Month and a half. Last week I was rolling rocks on those skill checks. Oh yeah, right, right. That's true. Nobody rolls a climb check like Della. Alright, Baron.

Those linguistics. What do you got? This is an immediate we are stupid, and by we are stupid, I mean me are stupid. Go on. I'm so messed up on antihistamines because of your cats that I read I dare you blame my cats for your poor roleplay. I added the

Giants are mad, Grant. I added the damage modifier to my role instead of my attack modifier on that crossbow. Oh, there you go. For the second one, I'm an idiot. You're so stupid! Wait, what was the difference? It was... Yeah, it was six points

difference. So it would have been a 26? It would have been a 20... No, yeah, 26. Alright, so now you want to do it for real? Well, the thing is, I don't think that haste is going to change how long it takes to reload it. Like, I don't think that haste is going to change how long it takes to reload it. Like, I don't think that makes sense. What's the question?

You mean... It's still going to take me a full round to reload the giant heavy crossbow. Giant Spain heavy crossbow. I think so. Or does haste allow you to reload? No, I don't think so. Like, quick drop. I haven't been able to read anything like that, so I'm going to play it cool.

I'm going to drop the crossbow. Okay. And pull out my double barrel. Pull out your double barrel. Drop the crossbow and pull out my double barrel. Pull out your double barrel. Drop the crossbow, pull out the double barrel. That's all you do, right? That's all I can do. It's a choice between being able to

shoot a ton with my double barrel or in a round be able to shoot with the giant's crossbow. So I'm just going to go with the double barrel. Last I checked, you're a gunslinger, not a crossbow slinger. But you can still shoot it if you want. Is anything in range? Yeah, dropping's free. Drawing is a move. Okay, great. Then I'll shoot

one time. Okay, which one do you want to shoot? The one that is engaged in combat with Del Del. Okay. Don't roll a one. What did you just say? Don't roll a one. Little Deputy Del Del. Ooh, baby, baby. Oh.

That is a hit. That is a hit. 24. All right. Poof. Did get 17 points. That's 24 against touch, right? Uh-huh.

Okay. 17 points of damage. Nice. Oh, baby. All right. Even with that little boost Nice. Oh, baby. All right. Even with that little boost to its AC, it didn't matter. Okay, it is going to be the one that

attacked Sir Will, the one with the dwarven weapon, is going to... This is the one that has a minus four. It is going to... He's in melee with Umlo. Five foot step up and do two attacks on Umlo. This is the end of Umlo.

Should he do vital strike? This could very well be the end of Umlo. Should he do vital strike? No, let's just do two attacks and have them both hit. Now, again, this is minus four. Remember to buff his AC against a giant. Plus four. 21 on the first roll.

Miss. There we go. That's huge. It's going to take a real high roll. I'm lose learning. And another miss. Yes, awesome. He's just put off by the snail mail. He's scared. All right, the one

to the left there. He's all by himself, but there's Sir Will. Does he want to charge Sir Will? Does he want to charge Sir Will? Do it, buddy. Draw him away from the party. He could. He's going to charge Sir Will, and he is going to attack once with his battle axe. With his old battle axe.

It is going to be 19 plus 2 on the charge, 21 to hit. Please. Did I mention I have divine armor? It's shining with the grace of Iomedi. Ah, swings, misses with the battle axe. Oh, no, he hits him straight on. It just doesn't do anything. Somebody wrote in and made the point.

They were actually talking about our old rule about shooting in the melee, but they were saying that it makes sense that if you roll and you hit the touch AC, that your attack hits the target, but it's deflected by their armor. Right. This comes into play with the shocking grasp Magus thing. Yeah, yeah. It's charged to you, isn't it? Yeah, right.

It's very confusing. Right. All right, the one who is up in Della's shit. Actually, Della's up in his shit. Five foot steps back and attempts to sunder Della's scimitar.

Oh, no! Improved sunder so it does not provoke. If you actually hit on this, we're going to have to pause for 25 minutes and read the rules on what happens in Matthew's weapon.

Just need to know it's hardness and it's hit points. Troy has a look of someone who read about Sundry. Troy doesn't need to pause. I didn't row well. 17. Against my CMD? Yes. Miss.

Yes! Nice, Stella. Nicely done. All right. And you know what? I got so excited there, I skipped Nestor's turn. I had all three of them attack. So, Nestor, you would have went after the first one.

All right. Well, now I'm actually blocked. Every single target is blocked right now. I'm going to take a five-foot step forward towards myself, the player. And I think I've got a free shot on the one fighting on low. Yeah, there's a line. So I'm going to take a full attack on him. Many shot, first shot.

20. 20 misses. No, 21. 21 misses. This is the one that's taken the most damage from you, no less. All right, second shot. Fucking miss. No, 22.

22 misses. These guys are tough, man. These guys are tough. Jeff glancing off his armor. And last shot is 23. 23 hits. Well last shot is 23. 23 hits. Well, now we know. Now we've determined the armor class.

That's your old-fashioned way of finding out the numbers. Thank you, haste. All right. 21 damage. All right. A couple things are going to happen. It is below zero. But not unlike so

many orcs you've fought before. It is now empowered by its own ferocity! And it is Umlo's turn. Maybe his last. Take it out. Three attacks. Baron? Yes. Three attacks. Baron. Because Della

went, and I normally go after Della, don't I? Did I go Della straight into my guys without Baron? You went Della because you No, you went. Oh, okay. I went. Della went and I normally go after Della, don't I? Did I go Della straight into my guys without Baron? You went Della because you skipped. No, you went. Oh, okay. Della hasn't gone in a long time. Oh, got it. Yeah, it's been a long round. I'm sorry. First attack. Three attacks from Mumblo. Go! 17. Misses. Miss. Second attack.

25. Yes, that's a hit. That's a hit. Yes. Sorry, I need to get two more D6s because it's a hit. That's a hit. Yes. Sorry, I need to get two more D6s because it's a giant. Oh, nice. Oh, I see a six. 19 points of damage. Yeah. 19 points of damage.

Let me see here. That takes a blow. It's Connie's turn. There you go. I'm low for the win. I'll add your nails to my armor Boom So does that mean Umlo

No, it's not a crit Alright, Umlo, that's all you're gonna do, right? Okay, round three Can't we just get to round six when I don't take the minus fours to attack? Sir Will Uh Guys up in your face Not letting you charge.

Chasing you around. So, okay, Sir Will is going to say, you're going to have to do better than that. And just keep running him away. So this time, though, gauging his range, he's going to move sort of over toward the other giant that Della is locked in combat with. Kind of like flanking that one?

Kind of flanking that one, but farther behind it. Much farther behind it. But staying 70 feet from the other guy. I'm sorry, 75 feet from the other guy. So just trying to stay out of charging range. I don't know if you have room. Room? Oh, I have like over 100 feet of movement.

With Lexington? Yeah. All right, so Sir Whale just pulls over there. Now, do you do anything? You're just using Lexington's movement. All right, so Sir Whale just pulls over there. Now, do you do anything? You're just using Lexington's movement. Yeah, you know what? I think that I should smite evil on him, the one that I left, because I was thinking about it in the withdraw, I think is a full round action,

so I don't think I can swift during a full round. So the smite you did last time, you're going to do this time. Yeah, I don't think I can. I might be able to. I don't think you can. Can you do a swift any time you can do a free action, but you can only do one? I can't remember. Either way, it doesn't matter.

Smite evil now if that's what needed to happen. Okay. Della. Della is going to do spell combat. Spell strike. I'm going to roll concentration. Okay. Okay.

Cast mirror image. Nice. Good choice. I make it, and then I'm going to take a five-foot step in. Five-foot step in. And then two attacks. Tried to break that sim. Tried.

First attack. Miss. Second attack. Della. 23 to hit. Hits exactly. Yes! There you go.

There you go. There you go There you go There you go 12 points of damage 12 points of damage Alright this guy's He's being chipped away at Nobody's doing nester level damage I'm gonna roll for the number of images

3 images so there's 4 There's 4 of you okay mark that down on a piece of papier. Alright. Baron, you're up. Baron's about to enter into a little land I like to call Misfire Central. Yeah! So Baron rushes in

to try and pistol whip the giant? No, he actually yells, John Cena! No, he is going to take rapid shots Four shots at the giant Yes Two reloads in the process It gets a plus two to its AC

For the cover that Della is providing There's no cover because it's a large creature There's five feet of it sticking off to the side No, that's why it's plus two and not plus four. Oh, I see. Partial cover. Del is going to die right here. Shots at the head. Yeah, I'll take four. Don't roll a 91. Don't roll a 91! No!

He did it again! Oh, that's a hit! That is a hit. When the moon hits you, I like a big... That's 13 points of damage. Okay. Second attack. I'm nervous. That is a 17 against touch AC. 17 against touch. Yes! Yeah!

14 points of damage. How far do you have to be to use up close to... Oh, 20 feet. Okay, then I take a 5-foot step. That's still not 20 feet, no? Still not? You wouldn't lie to us back there. I thought I was. So that first attack resolves against regular AC.

What was it? And takes a minus two to what it was. So that was a 27 against regular AC. 27 against regular. That one still hits. Okay. The second one, I don't remember what I rolled, but it probably doesn't. You rolled a six.

17. Yeah. 17 against touch. So that would be a miss. Yeah. So this is. Okay. 17 against touch So that would be a miss

So this is That is 21 against regular AC Miss Final one after reloading Oh That is really great 20 against regular AC

But it's tough with all those attacks I'll take another 5 foot step next round Man this is I could have killed this combat and I keep on fucking up. I think you should just run up there and pistol whip him.

Just start poking at him. Pistol whip him in the knee. So I can sunder your gunner. Your gun is so sharp. Yeah, just poke at him with your sharp gun. Baron, your gun's so sharp. Just poke him with it.

It's like a sword cane. All right. Sharpest gun in the wist. Advanced cave giant one, dead. Nestor, you're up. Okay. I'm going to take a full attack. I think...

Can I take a five foot step and get a reduced cover thing? Yeah. Okay. Can I do that? I'll take a five foot step. Double knock arrows. Which one are you shooting at? Natural 20!

Yeah! You're shooting over here, right? At the far one. No, the one that's fighting Dylan. Well, that's going to have cover no matter what, so. A little bit. Just a plus two. So that hits.

Doesn't matter with a natural 20. Yeah, it's a natural 20, so. All right, roll to confirm. Okay. Oh! Yeah, it confirms. No! Oh, my God.

Okay. So wait a minute. Both your arrows crit or only one crit? No, it confirms. No. Oh, my God. Okay. So, wait a minute. Both your arrows crit or only one crit? No, one crit. Okay. One arrow crit. Dear sweet Iomata. Troy is not very happy.

All right. So, it's times three. So, we haven't critted so long. Yeah. It's double damage. You get your times three. Right, right, right. Okay.

Yes. Piercing your times three. Right, right, right. Okay. Yes. Piercing. Deep wound. Double damage and target is nauseated for one round. Fortitude negates. Oh, my God. And what was your confirm hit? My fortitude save was 20.

You had to have a 25. Oh, I had 26. Yeah. All right. So, he's nauseated and it is triple damage. Yes. On one arrow. To one arrow. Okay. All right, so he's nauseated, and it is triple damage. Yes. On one arrow. To one arrow.

Okay. Oh, my gosh. Pause for many dice to be rolled. This is going to be insane. Insane. Just damage. Wait. 57 points of damage.

What? Well, he's in the negative. Second shot. Oh my goodness. Twenty, twenty-five. Twenty-five hits exactly with the cover. Seventeen. And he's dead. Yes!

Oh my god! That crit. Alright, it is the only Living Cave Giants turn. And he's dead. Yes! Oh, my God! That crit. All right. It is the only living cave giant's turn. And did you say you moved exactly out of range of its charge? I said 75 feet away. If it can charge 65 feet, then it's fine. Well, it can charge 60, but it's got a 10-foot reach. Well, that's why I did 75.

I see. Okay. Well, then. Who is he going to charge? Lowe. L see. Okay. Well then, who is he gonna charge? Umlo. Umlo. Umlo is a tempting target. Oh, the body's in the way. He can do a leap over it. Della is the only straight line he has.

I think technically bodies don't count. Yeah, they don't, but you can do what you want. Sorry, Della. Oh, no. Stay away from my Della. Someday I'd find someone like you. Here's the charge on Delski. 22 to hit. Just hit.

Oh, no. Oh, no, Della. Oh, this is going to be bad. Della Delskins. 16 points of damage. Oh, not too bad. Not too bad. Della Delskins. 16 points of damage. Oh, not too bad. A respectable 16.

A gentleman 16. And he's not going to live until the next round, so you're fine. He then bows to Della. She curtsies back. Umlo. Umlo is going to charge. Well, we have to roll our saves. This one.

Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. This one doesn't hit you because this one had the minus four. That's right. Oh. That's right. Oh, right. Yeah. It was the other one that't hit you Because this one Had the minus four That's right Oh That's right Oh right yeah It was the other one That I just killed

That was out of the range That's right Doesn't even hit you There's so much going on I can't even keep track So Umlo's gonna charge him Umlo This one has not been touched

But it does have a minus four For three more rounds He's gonna charge ten feet That's all he needs That's a lot for a dwarf Miss for three more rounds. He's going to charge ten feet. That's all he needs. That's a lot for a dwarf. I miss. Oh, shit. I'm low.

Natural seven. Oh, I'm low. You'll never level up. Oh, I'm low. All right, Sir Will. What are you going to do, Sir Will? It is time for the Highbury Charge. Yes.

He lines himself up now that the giant is properly distracted. He's been taken out of the combat long enough. And he's going to enact his cavalier challenge as well on this guy to just give himself the best bonus possible to take him out. And then he will charge. Make it so, Sir Will. For the rose! And the light!

And the light! Oh, no, that's just for the sword, right? No. Yeah, yeah, that's just for the sword. Just for the sword. I know what's coming, then. You're so close to just being a Soul Calibur character at some point. And the soul still burns.

Soul Calibur. Sorry, I'm just... There's a lot of bonuses to deal with here. Okay, so here comes the charge. That is 28. 28. Hits. 28 to hit.

And he does 42 points of damage. If he's evil. I'm sure, I'm assuming he's evil. He is evil, yeah. And then he rides by. He's just misunderstood. It's only 31 damage. Over to the other body.

Right to the other body. He is chaotic evil. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is chaotic evil, dude. All right, so. He just misunderstood. It's only 31 damage. Over to the other body. Right to the other body. He is chaotic evil. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is chaotic evil, dude. All right, so you just straight through. Straight through, and then that actually puts me in the line of the other body, so I stop right at the other body. Okay.

Yeah, so I could theoretically be in range of him. Della, what do you do? That one's dead. No thanks to you. Della is going to... Dance! She's going to move and roll acrobatics to avoid the attack opportunity. Okay.

Over to Nestor. Oh, well you're... What? Moving away. I don't think it's threatening you. I think you can just... Yeah, you can move away, yeah. I'm not withdrawing, but presumably we were in melee, weren't we?

No. Not with that guy. Oh, no, that charged Della. It charged me. Yeah, so the piece is just in the wrong spot. Oh, yeah, that should be up a little closer. There you go. Yeah, so I'm going to roll acrobatics. Okay. That is

a 20. I'm already starting to roll to hit you. Don't forget the mirror image. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. How many images was it? And it's got a minus four, so it is, well, you know what? 24. That hits, but now roll for the mirror image.

There are four, and one of them is me. So I gotta roll a 1d4. There's only four all together, right? So a four hits you. Two. One of the images is down. Yes! Awesome. Good spell, Del the images is dead. Yes. Awesome. Good spell, Del. Okay, Del. So she moves and she gets to Nestor and she casts Vanish on him.

Oh, no. No. No! Oh, I hope he lives long enough, love. All right, Baron. I hope he lives long enough for me to kill him. Baron is going to uh he's gonna be dead anyway baron's gonna do what he should have done at the beginning of this combat

and cast touch of law on himself ah touch of law and he's gonna stay where he is standard action that's it all right and if he if he somehow survives then i'm gonna hit him four times all right yes nestor you Nestor, you're up. I will tell you right now. If Nestor doesn't kill him, I'm going to do something fucked up. Okay. Nestor will kill him. Well, I'm tempted to see what that is.

So I'm going to take my full attack. First one is against his flat-footed if it makes any difference uh shit 20 to hit miss all right many shots squandered second shots that's a hit but you're visible now right uh oh shit, shit. Yeah, you're right. So it's just regular damage. No sneak attack. Thank you. My pleasure, good buddy.

16 damage. 16 damage. Third attack. 24. 24 hits. Okay. 20 points of damage. And he is still alive. I don't like it. That. Ten. Twenty points of damage. And he is still alive.

No, I don't like it. On that first hit. I could never get a fucking sneak attack off. I never can. I'm trying to help you, man. You did everything you could. I wish everyone else would pull their weight. The problem is...

So I can help my character do something cool. The problem is we're in a gigantic valley with no hiding places whatsoever. I know, but it doesn't matter, does it? Now, there will be a chance for something not bad to happen in the form of Amla. But as Baron stands before the cave, possibly of his ancestors,

it goes to charge at Baron and sunder his gun. Oh, no! Amla gets an attack of opportunity. Damn right it does. Oh no! I'm looking for an attack of opportunity. Damn right it is. Oh, come on. That's... 24. 24 hits. Yes! Do it! Take him out!

You need to do a ton of damage. It won't happen. Oh my god! Oh, it's not too bad. 21 points of damage. 21 points of damage 21 points of damage Take 21 Still alive Oh no

Sunder That was a pretty good roll too The Gunder Oh no Sunder the Gunder Plus two Oh I just pulled a

Crack I just pulled a Grant Alright Grant here we go Natty two Unless you have a All right, Grant, here we go. Natty, two. Unless you have a... I punched the table and it turned into a 20. It's laughing at you. So 19 against your CMD.

That is a big fat fist. You're gonna take four shots from my gun in a second. Umlo, it's your turn. Take him out. Okay, so Umlo... Grant him, Umlo. it's your turn. Take him out. Okay, so Umlo... He's got to move back, right? Umlo's got to move more than a five-foot step to get within range. Yeah, so he's got one attack.

Oh, all right. Here it comes. Will that attack of opportunity? Yes. Yeah. Provokes. 22. With the hatred miss. Ah, that's right. And I think the setting had a minus four because of Mumblo's thing. So, yeah.

Mumblo, take it out. Take it home, Mumblo. Big old miss. Big old miss. It's a miss, Sir Will. Round five. You can take him out, Will. Yeah, his back is to Will.

He doesn't see it coming. He's just so small. He doesn't know. He doesn't realize what's coming up. Will turns, resets Lexington. For Highbury! For Highbury! Charges. Natty's 16.

Yeah. That's a 30-something to hit. And, uh... Gotta do more than 7 points of damage. Yeah, I mean, I'm... To knock him below 0? It's plus 27. So you eviscerate. Ride through. 37 points. And it has every single one of its organs like a shish kebab on the end of your lance.

Behind me! Behind me! As the organs slide down the spear wheel, it's just like... It's like parsley in intestines, lungs. And the cave giants are dead. Oh, my God. Couple of near misses. Looks like we're going to open up a halal meat cart after this.

Have a little shish kebab action. Umlo didn't get hit. Umlo did not get hit. I thought he was going to be dead. The story of Umlo rages on. Nice job. Nice job. We'll see you next week no no

come on man we just got here alright what do you guys would like to saw off a fingernail of each of these guys sick fuck you twisted bastard I'm going to just goes straight to the nails

and just ripping off these dirty, crusty nails to the size of dish plates. I don't know if he's going to fashion them onto his armor right now, but he rips them off and it's just... When we all do our nightly sewing, he's going to attach them to his armor. They're caked with dirt and chicken meat.

Okay, that's what Umlo does. He goes, what What you looking at? Now carry on, mate You made me take this armor No, I know No, it suits you Thanks You're telling me that's not hockey pads?

I'm not wearing hockey pads anymore Can Baron turn around and look at this damn thing, please? As like this battle axe came within inches Of hitting your beautiful double-barreled pistol You pull it away at the last second Sir Will eviscerates it with the Highbury Lance And you turn around to look at the rune It takes you a second to decipher it

As it is in an ancient dwarven script. And it reads, Ashpeak. As a last name? As a surname? Ashpeak. Ashpeak. Wow. Have I ever heard of that name before? Has it ever resounded in the Five Kings Mountains? It's nothing that rings a bell to you or to anyone.

Nestor and all of his travels. Is there an E at the end? No. Wow. Can I look inside the cave? Sure. To see if there's any more evidence I can find? How many guns do you need?

It's just M16s lined up. It's like the inside of a SWAT van. We're just passing out. You find a rocket launcher. Someone on the ship, on the Nebuchadnezzar in the Matrix just flows in a bunch of guns. You know, you climb up over the lip to go inside, and sure enough, you see, like, and these are rudimentary drawings. They have the care that a dwarf would go to to create, obviously. But they're still rudimentary. There's only so much you can do with

hammer and chisel. And they weren't doing this as like a place, you know, like a great dwarven lair. It was just to like say, Ash Peak was here. But you see a volcano. And you see like an image, I think like hieroglyphics

of three stages of an adult carrying a baby to the top of the volcano. Wow. And you see like an image, I think like hieroglyphics of three stages of an adult carrying a baby to the top of the volcano. And then you see these images of ancient guns. Like if this party had never met you, they wouldn't even know what they

were. But you, you just see it. It's like these were ancient guns. Baron is going to take the hope knife he was given from its sheath he's gonna study the rune carefully and he's gonna

roll the sleeve up on his left arm and into his forearm. He's going to start carving that rune. Carving the rune for Ashpeak. Yes. It burns. Yep.

Damn. What are you doing, mate? Better know. Trying to figure out who I am. Well, you're taking a blood test right here. You want some healing? I don't need healing, infernal or otherwise. I forgot to mention the rune is a big dick.

Leave me alone. I don't know what I'm doing. Baron. You want to retcon that, Baron? Baron falls asleep and Troy just cards it into him anyway. Right out of his face. Ah, dinky humor.

It's just that Troy was just like so straight about it. Yep, it's a penis. But no, that's very cool. So you just, without even giving a second thought without just like full trust of Droja full trust of this

interpretation of what you saw in Steelhand's tomb you just know I never had a name day that would have granted me a gun so in carving the rune of Ashpeak into my own I'm giving myself

the trial by fire I should have had through blood. Something symbolic about trying to understand what's inside of me. This mystery that is family heritage that lies within blood. And to the rest of it, we don't know any of this, so we'll just see him

carving a wang into his forearm. Yeah, and I mean, I can just see you rubbing your hands on the carvings of this child being brought up to the mountain. Obviously, that's not you, but a tradition that your family did. Barbaric, perhaps. Somehow, something happened between your ceremony and your days as a Red Heart. But now, for all intents and purposes, you are Baron Ashpeak.

And Baron thinks to himself, it feels good to start a new chapter on a new day. And then he takes out a sketchbook. He's not paying any attention to anyone else. They might be looking at the giants, whatever. And he's, all the pictographs and everything he sees in there, he's sketching down. So maybe one day if he finds a place of his own,

if he becomes a giant slayer or if he becomes the next great dwarven hero he wants to have accurate iconography to carve into his own place. And if he ever gets back to the chelish devil he's adding all this stuff to it into where he carved it before. And he's just going to

do one last look. He's going to look for any other tunnels within this room. Look for any secret doors. And he's going to walk out into the daylight born again. Born again as Baron Ashpeak. And you know that it's not uncommon

for dwarves to take their surnames from the areas in which they live. And so maybe there is an Ashpeak. Maybe this is a real place that if you live long enough, someday you could find it when this mission is over. And nothing that I've known off the top of my head with an ash peak. Read a little search of the bodies?

And I don't find anything else in there. Is there a check perception as I walk around? No, I'll save you the check. Yeah, it's more of a solemn situation for you. No treasure in there. You search the bodies. Two of them have battle axes.

And one of them has a magical dwarven weapon. Whoa. The one that hits her will right at the beginning. 21. It is a plus two Dwarven Urgosh. Oh, nice.

It's a double weapon. Yeah. It has an axe head and a spear point on opposite ends. So cool. A long haft. The axe head is a slashing weapon that deals 1d8 points of damage. Its spear head is a piercing weapon that deals 1d8 points of damage. Its spearhead is a piercing weapon that deals 1d6 points of damage, plus all your

appropriate strength modifiers. You can use either head as the primary weapon. The other becomes the offhand weapon. If you use an Urgosh against a charging character, the spearhead is the part of the weapon that deals damage. Dwarves tweet Dwarven Urgoshes as martial weapons.

Ooh. So it's exotic for anyone else. I believe so. Yeah. That's awesome. A plus two. A plus two Dwarven Urgosh. Nice.

That's great. Great for Umla. Yeah, he's making out like a bandit. Yeah. And you think to yourself, Baron, that these fox must have excavated this from somewhere in here, left behind by another dwarven family and took it as his

weapon. There's no rune on the Urgosh that matches up to any of the other caves. No, it's so chiseled down and worn away by time. So if that's all we find on these giants, then I'd suggest to the rest of the group,

for my own interest, I'd like to take note of all the other names and rune symbols we see. And, I mean, I don't know what you all think. It might be worth looking through if there's any more little caves quickly to see if they lead anywhere or there's any secrets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because these giants couldn't get to in the small cracks we had to squeeze through, so there might be something. Yeah, can we examine all of them? Yeah. I don't know if you want to fan out, if you all want to stay together. Stay together. Stay together. You start going through, and every cave has some sort of interlocking thing.

Some of them it leads really circuitously back to another cave that's on the other side some of them you go so deep in that you're like let's turn around and let's try another cave so you come all the way back and you can tell that there's an interlocking series of tunnels that go god knows how far and that would be its own search but there. But at no point do you feel like, this is the way we should go. You feel like you could get lost in here. Wow.

Or maybe end up in the Darklands. But whoever was excavating, it started out as big caves, and it slowly became smaller caves. So Sir Will fits through fine, but if Nestor and D della want to continue forward it becomes obvious that it was dwarven tunnels being made deeper and deeper so you're like crouching and at a certain point it's you realize how fruitless this is you could spend years trying

to figure out what they were doing down there cool and any engineering or dungeoneering check i could make to see what they were mining or looking for uh yeah roll knowledge engineering oh that's a good roll uh 23 most likely iron but i'm sure there were tons of important metals they got here you can see where they just scraped it clear if there's any iron they could find But I'm sure they found other metals and gems throughout. And is there a history roll we can make on this area of the valley to see when it became contested between dwarves and giants, if Nargrim ever came here, if there was any lessons from the past we could take moving forward?

Because it almost feels like history is repeating itself. I don't think we know enough about the valley to even make a check. Yeah, it would be tough. Like if you had read something in a book about abandoned mines or whatever and you came across this, maybe you could put two together, but this is just like you went left instead of right a couple of times and ended up here. It's just another, like the Lucrata cave that you found,

all that other dwarven stuff. There were giants here at one point, and then there were dwarves, and then there was no one, and now the giants are back. So we're checking all the caves. We find these caves that lead nowhere that we could easily get lost in that are a fruitless waste of time for us now.

Baron and Umlo write down all the names of the runes. We can do that later. I'm not your secretary. Jesus Christ. Umlaut's a real asshole now. Someone else needs to play him. No, I'm just kidding. And we're searching inside each cave.

Is there anything of interest the whole time? It's a lot of the same. So we just have to turn around now. Yeah, yeah. It's, you know... I could make you chicken corn on blue. I just sound like an asshole.

It's still early enough in the day that you can backtrack a good portion of the way unless you want to rest. You could at least go back to where the scarecrow was, and then it might be dark by then. There was one passageway you didn't check out when you first entered the Northeast Passage. You might want to check that out, or maybe you just want to go on. But now, for the first time in a while, you've got to figure out what you want to do. There's no more northeast.

Yeah, we've kind of exhausted one avenue. I'd like to check out that last whatever it is. Yeah, that last passage. So you're not resting or anything? You're just going to head straight down? We'll do that first. Alright, so you guys head back down, you grab the... Baron, are you holding onto the Dwarven Urgos, or does

someone else want it? You want to roll off? I was going to switch it out for my hand axe, but I'm really not a martial character, so I'm happy to give it to Amal, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Well, Amal's got the... Well, no, That's not true. He could lose the spear.

He could get dropped. He could not be in range. He could be in tight quarters. I just gave it to Umlo, but if you want to... You can hold on to it. I'm just saying it's not irrelevant to Umlo. I just want to say I really wanted to use the brace feature of Heart Spit in that combat. Because how many times do you know someone's going to charge you and you've got your spear waiting and then they just charge you?

Well, it's an interesting tactic that I never even thought about. You were baiting them, Sir Will, all around. You guys could plan like a bait and switch or a bait and spear and brace something. The old bait and spear. Like, Sir Will, if you're moving and they're chasing you and you just keep moving and chasing and then you move past Umlo and they just keep chasing and Umlo's like,

Braced, yeah. It's hard to use Braced, because I, as the GM, I just have to be like, alright, you caught me. I'm allowing you to catch me, because you can't, otherwise, who's going to use Braced? Yeah, be ready in action. As soon as they come this way, shoot them.

I go the other way. So the last time you guys camped, you started your day by going like a mile and a half one way and found another dead end, some chains, and some. And you realize now that those cave things that were all grown over and with rock slides, there were probably more mines that had just been not as well taken care of. So you guys, then you went up and discovered these caves and fought the cave giants. So by the time you get all the way back down to where that first little southerly passage was, when you left the scarecrow area and decided to go northeast, you've gone like eight or nine miles.

So it's taken the better part of the day. You go south and you go south for like not even a half an hour and it's another dead end. And there's nothing there. It's not even like animal carcasses. Is it sunset? Is it dark yet? No, it's probably like four o'clock. Okay, well let's just keep going. Let's get as far as we can, backtrack to where we came in and then bed down when it gets dark. So you guys backtrack. So at this point, after you left the chapel, you then continued east. And you were following the stream. Yeah.

There was like two small southerly portions that you ignored. Wasn't there like a crevasse that we ignored? There was a crevasse and another little small southerly portion. And then there was a little thing to the north. You guys went to the north one, dead end, came back down. Then before you came to the fork that led to Scarecrow,

and then up to where the cave giants were, there was a larger passage south. So if you guys want to continue back, the first thing you come to is the larger passage south. But remembering your map, there are also two smaller passages that you passed on your way from the chapel to the crossroads with the scarecrow. Thinking back.

Following all this? I literally have zero, zero, like, spatial awareness. I'm looking at the map right now. Yeah, if you look on Tumblr. The one that you posted on Tumblr. So, yeah, Skid, there's a big portion here to the south. Yeah, that's what I was looking at. Yeah.

And then there's, uh, and then further, further back, there's another narrow. Uh, I said there were two thin ones, but one you did check.

Yeah. There's nothing. Yeah. Um, all right. Well, I think we should, I think we should take our banger left as,

uh, Troy would say at the first opportunity, you take that, see where that goes. Joe, did you just drop dice or an M&M on my phone? That was dice. You son of a bitch.

I should have known because it was a one. Oh, Joe. I know it was you. All right, so you guys go back, and by the time you get to that left, darkness is approaching. And we take a nap.

And so you nap it out. Umlo cooks dinner for everybody. Oh, how nice. And he serves it on his new optional dinner plate so that he can pop off his armor. Oh, that's super fucking gross. And gross. That's really gross. I made scones.

Alright, so you rest. You guys prepare your spells. You probably want to do a little healing. Don't worry about that so much right now do it out there you go south this is the first time

you're going to south this is the next day this is the next day alright trying to keep ahead of this sound here

you are capable it's raining oh come on it never rains here it's sleeting oh the rain just stopped right after you got it ready. It's Mardi Gras.

There's a jazz funeral walks by. All right, so you guys head due south, a large passageway. The only other option you had to go south was the thin passage and the passage that the veds were blocking. Everything else has been, well, across from the veds, too, there was a southeasterly portion you didn't take. You guys went northeast where you end up coming up to Gristlecrack. So now you go south. You go south for about three miles and the valley ends and starts to turn east again. But it's going now southeast.

You continue that for another half hour, hour or so. And of course, you come to another fork. God damn it. The fork is now going southeast. You don't even know where it's going. I'm trying to do a stage right. Southeast or southwest? I feel like southwest is where the money is.

That's where the veds were guarding a passage that was directly south, and this would be heading back that direction. It would be towards that. Let's forge it up. Let's go. Let's blow some horns and go to the forest. Southeast was the direction where the scarecrow was. Northeast was where the cave giants are.

So now you come here, you can go southeast or southwest, which, yes, that was the direction the vets were going. So you're thinking southwest airlines. Might as well. It's about time to take a southwest. Southwest airlines. Here we go. We can all fight for our seats.

It is time. Children, fly free. You guys go southwest. And Sir Will's the size of a child. Yeah, he can fly. He can fly. He'll sit on your lap. The passage southwest right at the fork is very very thin. The valley

thins out considerably. Maybe the thinnest it's been since you entered the valley. You continue that through that pass for a while and then the valley stops again and just goes straight south so you guys keep going south south you go south into the ball of the beast for like four miles And the valley ends again and turns west. What? To join the path with the vades. Yeah, the vades were.

The valley turns west. Digital aids are so helpful. I know. I'm so glad for this map that you posted. Yeah, I figured it was time I gave everyone a good view of what the valley looks like. You turn west and you see up ahead something in the distance. You can't quite see it yet.

You've got to move closer and you move closer and you move closer. And the valley goes from wide to thin to thin to thin. And then the mountain flanks draw together at a point, The mountain flanks draw together at a point, creating a narrow pass that is blocked by an impressive wall that spans the entire valley. Sloppily cemented stone and timber make up the wall, which contains a large archway in the center, blocked by a massive portcullis of sharpened logs

bound together with thick hemp rope. Nothing is crenellated, though, is it? No crenellations. Okay, no crenellations. And it's closed? Oh, it's closed. Is there any sign of life atop the wall anywhere about? You currently do not see any sign of life.

How far away are we? You guys are 100 feet away. Are we in, like, the open... Are we in trees? I would say once you probably saw this, you guys went off to the side, but it's very hard. Like, if you move too far off the road, you can't really see what's going on up there.

So if you saw it and you wanted to kind of go to the side, you've got to back up another hundred feet or so because the valley is just widening to this point. Or narrowing, rather, to this point. Do we want a little scout mission in the air? Yes.

Is that Della's voice now? I like that new voice. That was Matthew just wanting to talk in Ness's voice for one sentence. Oh, God, Ness's voice is so fun. Okay, so Della will do the same thing. She'll cast Invisibility and fly and leap up into the air to kind of scat out what's behind the

what's behind the wall. Alright, so Della casts invisibility. Which lasts for how long? Good question. Less than your fly length? Less than my fly, but it's a couple minutes. It's a minute per level. So seven minutes. So both are seven minutes. Seven minutes. And you can fly pretty fast, right? Yeah. Sixty feet per level. So seven minutes. So both are seven minutes. Seven minutes.

And you can fly pretty fast, right? Yeah. 60 feet per round. Okay. You fly. So you can fly up. Check it out. Fly back.

You fly out. And you see hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of giants on the other side of the wall. And just beyond that, built into the massive facade of the largest portion of the valley

you've seen yet, an enormous cathedral. Oh my god. And you cathedral. Oh my god. And you fly back. Oh god. Oh shit. Maybe the other way? I mean,

hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of giants just hanging out. What are they doing? Are they training? Hundreds and hundreds of giants. You see camps set up all over the place this camp is all ettins this camp is all trolls this camp is all stone giants this camp is all hill giants oh my god i mean hundreds and hundreds and hundreds

of giants and a long line of them leading straight up to the cathedral. Two roads leading out from there on either sides of the cathedral into valleys that you can't see from your quick fly check. That's crazy. I mean, infiltrating that isn't even an option. Umlo would just come within 30 feet of a giant and be magically compelled to attack them until they're dead. Yeah. That nail scale is going to be a real...

That's the hand, right? Problem. The hand is what compels him. Oh, the hand compels him. Yeah. The mail is what compels him. Mail pisses off the giant. He can't even take the armor off.

He might need to be sedated. Yeah. For real. Well, so you, I assume, describe... I report back. yeah hurry up um well so you I assume I describe I report back

I pull us into the deeper into the off the road you come out and say run I don't know I mean

it seems from a layman's perspective to be a bit foolhardy to walk right that way uh and there perspective, to be a bit foolhardy to walk right that way. And there still seem to be other options. I mean, there may be another back way in or something.

You said you saw two roads, right? We did say there were valleys on the other side of the wall, right? Roads. Roads. Yeah, so there was like... A disappear. Yeah, you're trying to take it all in as best you could, but you saw the cathedral. disappear. You're trying to take it all in as best you could, but you saw the cathedral.

You saw another wall blocking entrance into there. A line of giants leading up to there. Hundreds and hundreds of giants leading out, and then two side roads that led off on either side of the cathedral into valleys. To the north and south, roughly? Yes, to the north and south. And no dragons or drakes at all.

Didn't see any. We could try to go back up to where the veds were and see if that road leads us into a sidewalk. Yeah, I mean, this seems to me like a poor option. And my old dad always used to say, tightrope road, less traveled, son. Yeah, so

I think maybe going all the way up and around. Back up, backtrack. There's no negotiating with giants. Well, we could try, but there's so many that it'd be a lot of negotiation. I don't negotiating with giants. Well, we could try, but there's so many that it would be a lot of negotiation. A lot of negotiation. I don't negotiate with giants. No, you don't.

And they'd certainly have the leverage. Yeah. Literally. Let's go back up and to the west and then back down south. Yep. Yeah. And try to find that road that went off to the west. Well, at least now we know where they all are. They all are. They're all there. Yeah. And try to find that road that went off to the west. At least now we know where they all are.

They all are. They're all there. Yeah. I'm also, I have terrible spatial awareness and memory. Out of all the passageways, that one that only humans could fit through, we checked that out too, right? Along the way. You did not. Okay.

So there's also that passageway that I would like to check out at some point. But if we run out of options. I think I know... We're far from it now though, right? 100 feet away from the wall as you guys are having this discussion. Oh, Jesus. It goes on just a little too long.

No, no. We were having it as we were walking back. It goes on just a little too long. We were having it as we were walking back. Well, as you're walking back... All of a sudden, you are attacked by two of these creatures. Whoa! Oh! Sabretooth thing! Tiger thing! Yikes! Those things like to eat Lexingtons, right? by two of these creatures. Whoa. Oh. Sabretooth thing.

Tiger thing. Yikes. Those things like to eat Lexingtons, right? And you hear yelling from back where the wall is as boulders start getting thrown your way as well. Oh, what? What? Oh, God. All you see is two creatures and three heads.

We'll see you next week. Oh, no. Oh, my God. How do they not alert all the other giants? I'm not ready to fight 300 giants. heads. We'll see you next week. Oh my god! How do they not alert all the other giants? I'm not ready to fight 300 giants or whatever it is. Conserve your ability. Outro Music