The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 93 - Service with a Smilodon

Episode Date: March 7, 2017

With a massive cathedral and countless giant encampments looming in the distance, the party must tangle with a pair of savage prehistoric beasts and their oversized handlers. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. Oh my goodness. As you guys were, I want to say, cowardly running away with your tails between your legs. Is that fair? The heroes stumble into the sights of a deadly foe. The lumbering hill giant grabs a rock, throws it at Nestor. And the clutches of two prehistoric beasts. They are both going to pounce and do a bite, I believe. Whatever's the worst,

that's what they're gonna do. And they'll be forced to escape. And I'm like all up in the fur of this thing. You filthy cat. Get off me. This got bad fast. Yes, it did. By any means necessary.

Dello's gonna do a little spell combat spell strike. I'm going to pistol whip him. Kiss my face. The adventure continues. Oh, my God. Now. God, I love this song. Oh, after all this time, it's still so fresh. What's going on, everybody?

Welcome back to another week of the Glass Cannon Podcast. My name is Joe O'Brien, and it is not just any week of the Glass Cannon Podcast. If you listened to Troy's intro last week, you know we launched our Patreon last Wednesday, which was a very big deal for us we opened it up from so many loyal fans who were so incredibly generous. I simply do not have the words. They should have sent a poet. They should have sent a poet. I wonder if Troy ever saw contact. Now that's beside the point. I want to talk about the Patreon for a second. Obviously,

it's the biggest news for us right now. It's the biggest thing going on for the podcast. And in a lot of ways, it's the biggest thing for you guys as fans, because I want to debunk any kind of myth or thought that you may have that the Patreon is a way for us to get paid for doing the show. That's not really what it is. What it actually is is a vehicle by which we can get the backing we need to do the things that we really want to do. This podcast is the first step in my mind to a future where we are bringing an entire new genre of entertainment to people, making them aware of a hobby that they either are not up into a huge method of entertaining people. But finding out exactly how to do that is difficult and sensitive. And most importantly, it costs a lot of money. And we do not have on our person the ability to do it. And that is why we reach out to you guys.

the ability to do it. And that is why we reach out to you guys. Having the rewards is a thank you from us. But that money that you give us is not a paycheck. We're not taking cash and running to Vegas with Patreon money. Patreon money is for us to be able to have the backing we need when we go to other people to help us create larger projects that could be expanded into different forms of media, you cannot go down that road without saying we have backing. We have a fan base. So that is what it's for. And I hope that that makes sense to you. I hope that maybe that can give you some inclination as to why we are asking for this. Maybe that can give you some inclination as to why we are asking for this.

And I hope that that intrigues you just enough to give the tiniest bit that you can to help us make that fantasy a reality. I can't stress it enough. If all of the listeners that love this show and can do it, give a tiny bit, $2, $5 a month, if we get that from a huge base of people, that adds up really fast and it becomes seriously impactful financial backing, which can open up so many doors that have been closed to us in these first two years since we've been working on this project. So thank you so much to those of you who have donated so generously from your own hard-earned money to help us do this. Please consider giving us a little bit so that we can expand this form of entertainment into a wider audience and spread it to people that don't realize how much fun we are all having. That is my Patreon speech for the week. It's done. I appreciate your time.

And I, of course, appreciate your generosity. Now it's time to get back to the story. We sit down to this session knowing full well that only a gate stands between us and the gathering armies of the storm tyrant. It is so much fun to sit down to a session like that, so I hope you enjoy the outcome. Here is episode 93, Service with a Smilodon. It has been a while, I think, since this party has been challenged, would you agree? Absolutely.

You can say that again. It's been a while. The levels weren't right. I think since the rift rake probably is the last time you really were in dire straits. And a lot of that had to do with the Nestor Fumble. Yes, I also wouldn't say dire straits. I would say it was the last time we were challenged at all. Wow.

Yeah, that's right. You know, every time... This doesn't seem like a wise strategy. You poke the bear. The Megademon. You're poking the bear! Oh, Brian! Bad things happen.

But yet, I think that this is a pretty dangerous situation. You can all agree, and I've never seen you guys more excited for a fight. I have been so excited for this fight. Just the image of it. And can you remind me? There's two tiger-like things. Two tiger-like things. And Etten's throwing rocks.

There are two creatures with three heads, is what I said. That's all I said. You know this is a good encounter when they draw it in the book. There's a drawing of this encounter in the book. Artwork, yeah. With the iconic Pathfinder Inquisitor and the iconic Pathfinder Bar barbarian taking on these two uh so two melee fighter tanks neither of which we have right great to know that that's the encounter we're you would assume this inquisitor is seventh eighth level so it's got it's got some decent magic

uh certainly a better inquisitor than uh barpeak. There are a... More like Baron Asspeak. Am I right, Joe? Sure, am I right? You really hit that one out of the park. Can someone hide the mangaritas from him before we record next time? It's summer in my heart. Is the iconic

Inquisitor the orc in the black leather? The half-orc female in the red garb? Yeah, sure, in red. It's great. I forget her name, but yeah. Troy has a small picture in his wallet. I do. I don't keep pictures of my family,

just a picture of the Pathfinder half-orc iconic Inquisitor. If that's weird, I don't want to be not weird. Have you seen my Iconics? Here, wait, I've got pictures. You've got to see the iconics. You guys have been all over this valley. All over the valley. And you ended up here.

And then Della, in classic Della fashion, going to vanish, go invisible. Check this out. Soomp sees throngs upon throngs of giants. Hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds, I believe is what I said. All camped out, all over the place. Now, here's something I didn't make clear. They are, the nearest camp from this wall that you are now facing. It's probably a few hundred yards away. The cathedral that you see in the distance, to give you a sense of its size, is miles away. Oh. So this is like a checkpoint.

Checkpoint Charlie. Checkpoint Charlie. Oh. So this is like a checkpoint. Checkpoint Charlie. Checkpoint Charlie. Yes. So I would say it's five, six miles away, but you see it in the distance because it is on the largest peak, built right into the largest peak that you've seen since you entered the valley. You've been here, what, two weeks now?

I'd have to look at my calendar. It's like when the blackfish catches Catlin bringing Tyrion to the Eyrie. They're waiting for them in the mountain pass. What are you talking about? Classic choke point. What are you talking about? Game of Thrones. What's that?

It's a stage play. It's one of my plays. The glass menagerie. Catch on a hot tin roof. So, yeah, you see throngs of giants, but they're a ways away. They are all

camped in their own separate camps. Giants like to keep to themselves, and then beyond that you see the facade. Giants everywhere. Two roads, one leading north, one leading south. All sorts of stuff going on. You had to zip back before all of a sudden you were both visible and fall to the ground because flying is over. But you were able to see a little bit. You come back, and then these two, as Skid said, those look like saber-toothed tigers.

Well, that's almost exactly what they are. They're called smilodons. That is a saber-toothed tiger. Yep. Two smilodons. That is a saber-toothed tiger. Yep. Smilodons. Worth his weight in gildings. Yes, they are saber-toothed tigers. Look at them in all their saber-toothed tiger-y glory.

Yes. I like how Troy didn't agree with you until he Googled it. Well, I want to show you a picture. Damn it. For Pathfinder purposes, they're the closest thing to a dire tiger that you guys have come up against, but they're a little more badass. They remind me more of

Orm Vorax. All right. They would, though, in real life. An actual Smilodon would be so impossibly dangerous. Yes. It's not good.

It's not good news. And so they come bounding down from the sides of the cliff wall on either side of you, the valley wall, which is thinned out to this barricade. They one-ba-ba-ba-bum, one-ba-ba one bum bum bum bum blocking your passage back oh my goodness you guys were i want to say cowardly running away with your tails between your legs is that fair that's what we were slowly and confidently backing away i would say uh listen six of one half dozen of the other we were walking back and talking about our plan and then these atop the wall you see a couple of familiar friends no yes the ghost of ingrahill no oh no you see old hill giant just chucking boulders i now pronounce you chuck and

larry just touch matthew's nipple and that's a true story that's what happened as is tradition and then uh like it. Maybe you know this old friend, old friend of the pod, an Ettin. Yes! It's the same Ettin that you murdered in cold blood before you got to use his two flails. Oh my god, he's immortal! He lives forever! Ettin is just, boom, boom, throwing javelins.

While the hill giant, lumbering hill giant, is doing its best to hurl boulders. I'm shocked at the amount of surprise rounds that are happening after we saw them already. So many surprise rounds! Well, there actually will be no surprise rounds. It's going to be straight up. So you're just talking about their intentions. Right. This is what's going to happen. It's a benevolent dictatorship. Right. This is what's gonna happen.

It's a benevolent dictatorship. Let you know what's gonna happen. So, yeah, look at this. Look at the map. It is just bottleneck to this 30-foot-high ramshackle-long wall, basically, gate. It's got a portcullis that is obviously down.

Very shoddily made. It's climbable. 30 feet high. You see handholds. You could climb it. But, you know, Baron, I think that's eight range increments out of your guns range.

I'm just spitballing. Minus six to hit it. So it's going to be interesting to see how this all works out. I hope I can give you a challenge. I hope I can give the fans a challenge. And maybe, just maybe, someone will die. Roll for initiative.

Okay. All right. Roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll for initiative. I literally rolled my D20, and it was so low that just on instinct, I was like, no, no, no. I just grabbed it and rolled it again. Cheater! Cheater! That's some white-collar fudging up, Brian. Who is over 25?

Who's over 20? 22. 22 for Nestor. There's a guy who rolled a 93. No, he for Nestor. That's a guy who... Would you roll like a three? No, 12. He rolled a natty three. I rolled a nestor.

Would you say 22, Nest? Yep. Okay. So, Will, you didn't beat 22? No. Okay. Anybody over 15? 19 for Della.

19 for old Della Narn. That's fair. Okay. Let me put a couple of my characters in real quick. Oh, son of a bee. No. And then I guess that's everybody. No, anybody over 10?

18. 18 for Baron. Oh, wait. Isn't that what Della had? 19. Oh, I'm sorry. Baron, what is your initiative modifier? 11.

Shit. Okay. Actually, no. I'm sorry. It's 9. So I have a 16. Take. Shit. Okay. Actually, no. I'm sorry. It's 9. So I have a 16. Take it away. Oh.

Good thing I asked. Good thing I asked. Sir Will, what'd you get? 8. That is what Umla got as well. Oh. I have a plus 2. So does Umla.

Roll off. Roll off. It's a roll off. Finally. Natty, 14. Natty, 17. Oh, damn it Joe's gonna roll

Lose every roll off Against Matthew Yeah your record is 0 for 2 My next question Was gonna be Who's umlo So Matthew

You wanna do umlo again This time Yeah Umlo Alright so We'll switch it up Next week or not. Let's see how this goes.

He might be dead soon. Yeah, he very well may be dead. By the way, you know what's great for trying to sneak your way through a minefield of a giant camp? Nargrim's steel hand. Yeah. Yeah, seriously. You need Nargrim's blindfold. Yeah.

That is what he did. There has been a lot of twists and turns in this valley. A lot of dead ends, a lot of intrigue, a lot of chapels and horns and drake caves. And now you are possibly at a checkpoint leading to the Cathedral of Menderhall. Round one. I don't want to interrupt your vibe vibe here but what time of day is it is it night or is it day it is 3.30 in the afternoon okay so we can

see that's all I need to know thank you thank you though you ruined the entire moment by asking me what time it was excuse me do you have the time pardon me sir can I trouble you for a match round one it is the Ettin's turn Pardon me, sir. I told you for a match.

Round one. It is the Ettin's turn. Oh, I rolled a 23. Okay, so let me just open up my hero lab while I stall. The Ettin is going to chuck two javelins at the foremost opponent. Who's up front there? That would be Della. Baron and Della.

Baron and Della. In the front rank. All right. I'm going to roll to see who hits who. It's coming at Della. Here we go. Javelin number... Troy's going to roll. Troy is first. Javelin number... Javelin number one, Adele is flat-footed.

29, Dells? Oh, no. Adele with a 29 hit. That'll do, pig. Asking for a friend, nine points of damage. Javelin number two, 28. I'm assuming that's going to hit your flat-footed AC as well. Minimum damage.

8. Both at Delon. Both at Delon. They come in at top speed. That's over like 100 feet, right? Or like, how far are we away? We're like 70 feet. Yeah, 70 feet away, yeah.

Yeah, they are within their javelin range. He's strong. Little known fact, this Ettin was in the Galarian Olympics. Oh, all right. I like to build backstories for guys that don't have names. Can we watch his Bob Costas feature later? The Ettin does not get a bonus for being on higher ground, but he is able to provide himself with cover

without taking the negatives to cover from his particular position up there. Why does he not get a bonus for higher ground? It's only on melee attacks. Ah, yes. I'd like to quickly point out that the world record by a human for a javelin thrown is 304 feet. So I think he can hit you.

I had no idea. But I was thinking the same thing as he threw it. Did you just Google that, Grant, or do you have that weird knowledge stuck in your head? I just Googled it. I wish you had said weird knowledge. You should have said he threw it. Did you just Google that, Grant, or do you have that weird knowledge stuck in your head? I just Googled it. I wish you had said weird knowledge. You should have said you knew it. Guys, I'm not liars like all the rest of you. We are

filthy. Nestor... There are several articles documenting it. Nestor Coyne, talk to me. So, Nestor looks at the rest of the party and says, I got the giant scum. Somebody take the kitties.

And I'm going to move up 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 feet. Wow. Walking right up to the gate. Towards the gate. And I'm going to fire one shot at the hill giant. At the old hilly. That is 24 to hit. Flat footed with partial

cub. Still hits. Okay. There you go, buddy. So I get sneak attack. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh god. And the Hill Giants dead. Oh Billy. 25 points of damage. Oh. And the hill giant's dead Oh Billy 25 points of damage

And make a DC 15 fortitude save You got it There's one thing that hill giants have It's very good fortitude No 16 sorry 16 22 on the fort Save but damage is done Nestor steps up he is now in front of the entire party

Just Hits the steps up He is now in front of the entire party Just hits the hill giant It is now Delanarn's turn Deli just can't Two javelins to the face She's gonna dash up to stand right behind Nestor And cast haste There we go

Now talk to me about haste Does that get everybody? They just have to be within 30 feet of each other Either way There we go. Oh, yeah. Now, talk to me about haste. Does that get everybody? Everybody's within? Yes, everyone's within. They just have to be within 30 feet of each other. Okay. Either way. Now, remember, you used a couple of your big spells last time. Was it just invisibility?

And fly. And fly. Okay. And those are third level spells? Well, invisibility's second. Fly is third. Okay. And haste is your other third level spells.

You are out of thirds. Well, you said you were going to try to kill us. I figured I might as well put up a fight. I appreciate it. It is time for the Smilodons. This is what's going to happen. This is not looking good for the backline. Namely, Sir Willamette. We're being flanked! So when we get back

there, we have Umlo and Sir Will. They are both going to pounce and do a bite, I believe. Whatever's the worst, that's what they're gonna do. Bite it is.

First pounce is on Amla. Natural 20. Oh no! Oh no. Troy is gonna roll. Oh no.

First 20 in, I think, 20 episodes. It's been a while, if you're counting at home. Joe didn't curse that time. Critical threat, critical threat, critical... Critical, critical threat! Natty 16. That's a confirmed critical hit. This Smilodon's name is Gene.

That's Loki and Linus. Loki and Linus again. So that's just going to be double damage. This is bad. Remember, roll for each die. Roll each die. Don't roll one die and double it. Oh, so like Final die. Roll each die. Don't roll one die and double it. Oh, so if it's, so like Final Strike, you're

basically doing, so if it's 2d8, you would roll 4d8. If it's 2d8 plus 8, you roll 4d8 plus 16. Right. Oh my god. Oh my god. See, I haven't critten so long, I forgot our new crit rules. Oh god. 17

plus 16 43 33 points of damage And it attempts to grab Umlo That is most of Umlo's hit points By the way, Sir Will, you're up next It attempts to grab Umlo If you have the grab feature, you get an automatic plus 40

Or grab attempt So I'll save you the time You grabbed Umlo You grabbed So do I have the grappled condition? You do, and I'll give you the time. You grabbed, I'm low. You grabbed. You grabbed. Oh, boy. So do I have the grappled condition or the pinned? You do. And I'll give you a little preview of coming attractions. Remember I said these are like the Aurum Vorax.

Sir Will, coming at you. On Lexington. Do you want me to attack Lexington instead? No. I'll roll. You want me to roll a d6? One through three is Will. Four through six is Lexington.

Come at me, cat! I'll give you a taste of my hybrid lens! Look at my die, Joe. Look over my GM screen. It's a fucking natural 20. Oh my god. No! Oh my god!

I have to just back away from the table so you can see it. Wait, this is the other... Oh my god. This... Ah, shit. Natural 20! Natural 20! Wait, you rolled a 20 on the confirm

No not yet And my die is now on the other side of the room It fell on a 15 Okay here we go This is to confirm Let's see Critical threat Don't say it if it's 30

It's a confirmed threat 30 Oh boy Oh boy Don't say it if it's 30. It's a confirmed crit. 30. Oh, shit. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I see a six in those. 11, 12, 13, 14 plus 16.

30 points of damage, and it goes to grapple Sir Will. Sir Will has a very high CMD. It is going to be 28 plus 4, 33. Failed. Of course it grabbed him. That's incredible. The two Smilodons come up, critically hit Umlo and Sir Will in the back, and grab them.

It's been a while, Sir Will, but this feeling feels a little too... Amelia! Yep. Baron, you're up. So it's a tough tactical decision. Both of my friends are in a big amount of trouble. I'm just hoping that Della and Nestor will come over and distract them a little bit.

Because I think... I want to touch a law on myself. Are you hoping aloud? No, I'm just... bit because I think when I cast touch alone my hoping allowed no my turns over about which items officer will you're gonna take and he talked through two move actions as a swift action I cast a judgment judgment of sacred protection upon myself boom Boom, judgment.

And then I... And what does that give you? Because remember, you're just a first-level Inquisitor, so you don't get... Plus one to AC. Plus one to AC, awesome. And I can detect undead at will. Good.

And I'm going to cast... Or touch myself with the Touch of Torag's Law. Touch of Torag's Law. I'm going to move back 20 feet. All right. Judgment was swift. Movement was movement. Touch of Law was your standard.

Yep. So Baron just slides back. Gun in hand. Umlo. 15 feet. How many hit points is Umlo sitting on? 13. He's got this.

So Umlo can't... He can't do it. He can't attack with the heart spit because he's too close. Right. It's not like he could do it with certain minuses, but Umlo needs that reach. And he's got a minus three to escape ours, so I think I've got to roll a CMB. CMB. To escape, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Fourteen. No way. Negative. Negative. Okay. And he's gonna say you filthy cat go off me please please we can roleplay later

it's Sir Will's turn in the meantime I'll look and see if the Smilodons speak common he said it in giant should I assume that Sir Will is pulled off of Lexington if the Smilodons speak common. He said it in giant. Thank you very much. Should I assume that Sir Will is pulled off of Lexington? No, you shouldn't assume that.

All right. All right, then Sir Will is going to... He's going to... I'm going to get off Lexington and kick him and tell him to run away. Like you're just using Lexington's move action. Get out of here, Lexington.

Yeah, just get out of here. So you could have me roll a fast dismount if you want, or else that would use up a move action, technically. I don't know if it matters. Can you do a full attack action when you're grappled? I don't think you can. Here's the thing. You're grappled, so you can use Lexington's movement to get Lexington out of there.

That's not a dismount. You're not going anywhere in this situation. But when you're grappled, I think you're limited to a standard action. You have to bring up the old flow chart. Well, it's whatever you want. Like, can I just kick him out of there? That's all I'm asking. Yeah.

Lexington, you can just use Lexington's movement to get out of there. All right. So I just took... It's like whipping the... Yeah, I just took a massive amount of damage, so I'm going to kick Lexington out of the way, and I'm going to say, Yeah!

And I'm going to... And grow a size larger. And is that an action? I don't know. Oh. I mean, I've looked it up. It's not an action. I think it's a swift action. It doesn't say it's an action? I don't know. Oh. I've looked it up. It's not an action. I think it's a swift

action. It doesn't say it's an action. Enacting the armor is swift? Yeah. So I'm going to... Two swift actions around? One swift action around. So I'm going to give myself Righteous Might, and if you'll allow it, I'll attack one time. Sure. I mean, what's your minus to attack

when you grapple? No, you know what? I'm sorry. No, I won't. Because I had the lance in my hand. So I'm just going to have to drop the lance and draw the sword. Drop the lance. Draw Roselight. Draw the full human-sized Roselight. Yeah. And I'm, like, all up in the fur of this thing.

And we'll try to, you know, do something. Hack away at it. Hack away at it. This got bad fast. Yes, it did. I mean, well, when you're... It's just so crazy. I literally did not now prepare the spell

that I prepared when I got Matthew out of there. Oh, Liberating Command. Liberating Command, yeah. It would be huge! I know. But you just never know what you're going to face. It is the Hill Giant's turn. The Lumbering Hill Giant grabs a rock.

Throws it at Nestor. Excuse me. Yeah, 19 to hit, Nest. Miss. Miss. That's the best that hill giant's ever going to do. It hits her well. Round two.

Let's take some stock of the battlefield here Nestor stepped up Boom! Nailed the hill giant After the Aetna He went Hit Della with two javelins Della hiding behind Nestor Cowering behind Nestor's skirt

The two Smiley Mons step up It's a kill toll, thank you very much They're working on kill moves On Umlo and Sir Will. Baron stealing himself to do something big this round, one would hope. It is the Ettin's turn. The Ettin is going to do two more Javelins. And is Nestor still up front there or is it Della?

I'm between him and Della. Nestor in the van. Javelin one. Oh, he was sitting there. It is a hit. Like high 20s, almost 30. Hits Nestor four. 13

points of damage. So Della, you see Nestor get hit with that. Boom! The same thing that you got hit with. Second one. Natty 19. Almost a 20. Nestor gets hit for 12 points of damage on the second one. Oh, natty 19. Almost a 20. Nestor gets hit for 12 points of damage. Oh, my God. On the second one, just...

When does the cleric go in this round? That was rough. I just have to check. Oh, shut up. All right, Nestor. So, boom, boom, you get hit by this Olympic. Etton, you're up. Okay.

This is very bad. She said, which one of the heads was responsible for that one? And I'll take my first. I draw two arrows on my studied targets and fire. That is a 19. And this is against the Etten or the Hill Giant? No, this is against the Hill Giant or the Hill Giant? This is against the Hill Giant. Against the Hill Giant, 19 misses.

No, no, no. I rolled a 19 on the die. Oh! That is a hit. You bludgeoning bastard. Alright, so 37 points of damage. This is the Hill Giant, right? Just confirming. I'm very excited.

Alright, 37 points of damage to the Hill Giant. giant, right? Yes. Just confirming. I'm very excited. All right, 37 points of damage to the hill giant. Boom! The hill giant's in bad shape, Nestor. Okay, I'm going to take my second full attack bonus attack on same hill giant. Nice. Natural 16. That's another hit. That is a hit.

Beautiful. 21 more points of damage. Still kicking. Still kicking. Nice round, though, Skid. No, I got another attack. All right. Oh, that's right. Haste.

Haste. Many shot. Boom, boom. 25 to hit. That is a hit. Okay. Even with the partial. 17 damage.

As all looks grim around you, Nestor is able to provide a tiny ray of hope by killing the first hill. Yeah, there we go. Boom, the hill giant falls. With preternatural speed. I'll tell my wife I love her. We'll tell her no such thing. Please.

We'll tell you how to mistress. I'm a family man. That you vastly preferred. You'll have to tell a second secret family. I had so much more to say. Or misconstrued everything. Or misrepresent you at every opportunity. I'm bleeding out.

Della is going to use her spring sheath that she has on her left hand. Where did you get that? Last in Chinaman's Fortune? I've had it since True Now. Wow. Wow. So as a swift action, out pops the wand of vanish. She's going to vanish Nestor.

Oh, yeah. And then rush back to get into melee with the saber-toothed cat that's fighting with Sir Will. And I'm going to go around so I can flank. And I take an attack of opportunity when I come in. I'm assuming if he wants to release Sir Will. No, because you're invisible. I'm not invisible. You're invisible. Oh, right, right, right. Tell me this again. You swifted the wand up

with that thing? Swifted the wand out. Standard action. Nestor's invisible. And then I used my hasted movement to get around. 60 feet. So you went the long way so it's not within its attack of opportunity. Or were you trying to... But then he had to close from the end to five. Ah, then you closed.

But can it take an attack of opportunity while it's got some creature grappled? Well, it's interesting. Its claw claw bite all has the grab ability, so I think it's able to just take an attack of opportunity at a minus two with its claw. Okay. And it will.

And it misses. Yes! It tries out as it gnaws on Sir Will. Hungry And it will. And it misses. It tries out as it gnaws on Sir Will. Hungry for a meal. Speaking of the Smilodons, they're up. First one. It's been nice knowing you. Will attempt to

hold the grapple on Umlaut. If it succeeds, it will do damage, and then it will rake Umlaut twice. I had so many good meals to cook you all I believe when you are the grappler you get an automatic

plus five to maintain the grapple that is correct that's right oh two on the die two on the die to maintain the grapple

Joe's looking at me like why can't that be against your will so that's going to be a twenty one that's going to be a 21. That's CMB plus two plus five. He got it. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Oh, wait, no, I'm sorry. I was looking at the hill giant. Oh, yeah, you definitely did. Troy is the expert. He lifts you up for a brief glimmer of hope before just, like, dropping you off. My mistake. 17 points of damage on the maintain.

I'm low as unconscious. It has no need to rake. It leaves I'm low unconscious because it's going to knock all of you unconscious and then eat all of your bodies. Maintaining on Sir Will, the other one. Something in the 30s. You tell me. Yeah. Yep. It is going to be 13 points of damage. Rake other one. Something in the 30s. You tell me. Yeah. Yep.

It is going to be 13 points of damage. Rake number one. Natty won. There we go. There we go. To confirm the rake fumble, 26. Confirms. Does not confirm.

Does not confirm. All right, rake number two. 27. Yes. 16 points of damage on the rake. The only way those rakes were going to miss was a fumble. So Umlo is unconscious and bleeding out, mind you. He does not have the diehard feat.

Sir Will? I'm sorry, you did... I forgot about Righteous Might. You did 13 damage, 16 damage, and what was the one in the middle? Oh, it was a fumble. 13 damage. 13 and 16. Not confirmed fumble, just a miss,

and then 16 damage. Yeah, got it. Still up, still awake? Oh, please. I could do this all day. I am Sir Willemette Keswick of Highbury. Baron, you're up. And you're also the next object of the Smilodon's attack.

Baron, just so people don't write in, I retconned how far I moved back right after you started talking that you had been going on with Matthew. So I didn't move 20 feet back. I'm still within range of the Smilodon. I always blame Matthew for everything. That is attacking. I'm low.

And, you know, I was going to roll, but then I realized I can tell you my rolls for all four of my attacks this round. Why is that, Grant? Because I touched myself with a bit of touch of love. I was wondering what you were doing over there. But you couldn't. I didn't want to say anything.

And I'm going to do up close and deadly on two of the attacks. Let's say the first two. Oh, no, the last two. The middle two. So two and three I'm going to do up close and deadly. So that's swift? What's swift? No. Touch of law? No, he did that as a standard last round.

Oh, last round. Got it. So I am going to roll a 22, 22, and 27 against Touch AC. And this is all against the one that just, uh, potentially killed Amlo? Unless he dies while I'm shooting, and then I'll change my target. Well, I'm just, okay, sure. Alright, so the, uh...

I'm not trying to be cocky there, I'm just saying. So, first attack. First attack hits for 14 points of damage. Second attack. Second attack hits for 22 points of damage. Second attack. Second attack hits for 22 points of damage. Third attack. Uplossing deadly as well. 19 points of damage.

Best you guess. Fourth attack. Oh, there's the last one. Do something good. 13 points of damage. That Smilodon is still very much alive. You see Baron's blood seeping out of its mouth. And its own blood.

How did it get Baron's blood? Four bullet wounds. I'm sorry, Amlo's blood. I've been selling my blood to pay off my student loans from gunsmithing college. And it stole it. I'm going to roll a constitution check to see if you stopped the bleeding. So he's at negative four, and he's got a plus zero to constitution right now. I rolled a five.

So you lose one hit point. So he's still bleeding. What are you down to right now? Negative five. Of ten. Of ten. See, this is much more fun than me killing it. Having Matthew kill it.

Sir Will. Not this day, LaValle. Big Sir Will. Not this day. Big Willy style. We are in Big Willy style mode, and he actually, seeing Umlo go down, is going to do the right thing. And he is going to channel positive energy. Wow.

Interesting. Wow. Yeah. Do you want to use my Roman dice? I am using your Roman dice. Oh, yeah. Wow. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. Do you want to use my Roman dice? I am using your Roman dice. Oh, yeah. Okay, cool. Three threes.

Okay. So nine hit points. That's nine. Middle of the road. Nine hit points healed. Probably the worst thing you could have done to him, though, because now he's awake. Oh, I always forget that shit. That is one of the most infuriating rules of this game.

I know. He has one hit point, and he's like, I'm completely fine and alive. Awake and on the ground. He has a good bluff. Can he roll a bluff to pretend to be dead? Yeah, that's what he should do on his turn.

Yeah, next turn he definitely should. He is on the ground. Sir Will, let me ask you this. Are you guys still hasted? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do you do anything else? No. Okay. Sir Will channels and, like, says a prayer for his brother that he'll never see again, his family that he never met. I am so not. These guys are so dead now that Baron's over here.

It's over. It's over. Wow. There is no concern. It might take a while. I just wanted to make sure that Umlo didn't die in a round by some crazy animal that, like, ate him while he was unconscious. Curious.

Curious George. Round three. It is the Ettin's turn. Looks for the guy he was just chucking javelins at. He's gone! Nowhere to be seen. He vanished. So who is the next nearest target?

Baron. Sir Baron Barrington. That's not true at all with the law of Pythagoras. It's actually our man, Will. Will is in the mouth of a Smilodon. Choose whoever you want. First attack at Baron. Natural

one. Oh, wow. There you go. To confirm, 18. That is a Bumbo! Son of a bitch! Alright, Etton. Ranged.

Broken. Your weapon is destroyed. Oh, his boulders? They're all broken. That poor javelin that just missed Baron is broken. Oh, useless fumble. That's lucky. That's great. Skid, why aren't you shuffling these words? Second javelin at

Baron Ashpeak. It doesn't even cause a pause that fumble. A two! I rolled a one and a two. Baron, you are blessed by Minderhall's Valley. Judgment of Toreg. Nestor, you're up and you're vanished. Alright, so sneak attack. This is a sneak attack.

Now you see me, now you don't, you bastard. And I'm going to take my first. This is against his flat-footed AC. He's getting flat-footed. Many shot sneak attack. Gets a plus two to its AC, but it is flat-footed. That is a 25 to hit. Hit!

Yes! There you go. And a pause for damage. Oh, fuck. This is 25. 25 damage. Really? Yeah.

So you rolled 40. I rolled very, very badly on that. 25 damage. And now you are visible. And I'm visible. All right, my second attack. Single arrow. Natural 20.

Oh, my God. Kiss my face. Roll to confirm. It's cracked. Die. Same roll. It would have been at 27. That's a confirm.

Confirm crit. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. This kid's going to roll. This kid's going to roll. I Confirm crit. Oh my goodness. Oh my god. This kid's gonna roll. This kid's gonna roll. I so rarely crit. Oh, okay. Alright, so

piercing. Grazing hit. Normal damage. And target is stunned for one round. Ooh. Giving you just the right amount of time there. That's nice. All right, so... 36 points of damage.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, y'all. It is fun watching you work, Skip. Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow. All right, Della.

And my third attack. Oh, third attack. Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow. All right, Della. And my third attack. Oh, third attack! Oh, my God. Uh, 18. 18 misses. But that thing is up there. Mortal Kombat's up. Oh, and make a DC 16, 456. Uh, 16 exactly.

Okay. All right. It is Della's turn. Della, there's a lot going on. The tide is definitely turning Nestor is keeping those ranged characters at bay One is dead, one is almost dead And stunned But I'm low, bad shape Sir Will, sacrificing himself to save the party

As a paladin would What are you going to do? Oh, Della's going to do a little spell combat spell strike Oh yes It's been a minute But now I'm hasted and I'm flanking. And you've been rolling great lately. I've been rolling

great. So the first thing I'm doing is going to keen and shock the scimitar to give myself a little extra Now remember, as the new rules, when you are attacking with a melee weapon and that creature is grappled if you roll a one, it's just like Baron shooting his friend. But, though, did you draw your scimitar as a move action

when you moved 60 feet? No, it was out already. I thought you had the wand of vanishing. Oh, that's why I had the spring sheath, my friend. I dropped it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, Grant. I was wondering where you used this move action. You do you, Sheriff Baron.

Okay. I'll do me. The spell is going to be Frigid Touch. Ooh, that's cold. That's cold. That's cold. Critical threat. Get out of here.

Come on. Take my headphones off. I'm so mad. I told you I wasn't concerned in the least. I'm going to kill somebody. Kill somebody who's making me sad. Probably not going to confirm. That's an 18 to confirm.

18 to confirm. Confirm. Oh! Yes! Unless it gets a boost to its AC while grappling Sir Will. So I have to take the spell crit? No, you get both. Just do it.

You pick one. Just do it quick. Oh, there's crit. Yeah. With spell combat, you get to pick is what we decided. Right, right, right. Don't write it. One effect.

Okay. I'm going to take the spell. Wild Surge. Normal damage and normal damage of a random energy type. Awesome! So double damage. Essentially. So that's going to be 8d6 on the spell alone. 8d6 on the spell alone? Plus, because I

crit on the spell, you are staggered for one minute. Oh my God! I don't even remember what staggered is. Luckily I have hero. Just roll the 8d6 there, buddy. Plus the sword damage, don't forget. That's 37 points of damage.

Oh, wow. I'm staggered? Tell me why I'm staggered. Because that's what Frigid Touch does. Do you realize that means I can only take a standard action? Or a move action. Which means I cannot rake Sir Will. Why do you think I chose this spell?

That is bottle cap worthy. Yeah! I didn't want to do it, but here's a Gormley bottle cap. Just to remind you if someone's going to die this episode. The Gormley bottle cap. Okay. Troy. Pick a number between one and six.

Five. Acid. Okay. That's your element. That's the second element. So 37 points of damage, and some of that was acid? Yep. And the other part of it was cold, and the other part was my sword.

Now, first attack. Kill you, Matthew. Kill your character. That's a 22 to hit. That's a hit. Wow. I'm still going to hurt somebody. No, no, you're not, Trent. Yeah, yeah. 20's a hit. Wow. I'm still gonna hurt somebody. No, no, you're not,

Trent. Yeah. 20 points of damage. 20 points of damage, okay. Second attack from the haste. Natural 20. What? Grant, confirm. How did you just do 20 points of damage? With what? So first attack was from the Frigid Touch spell strike.

Second attack was my first attack. Second attack is my hasted attack. Yeah, but what was your second attack with? My flaming scimitar. It does 20 points of damage on a hit? Yeah. It's keen, shocked, and flaming. Wow.

So you get multiple attacks? With haste. With haste. But you normally just get one attack at seventh level? I would get one attack, but when I do spell strikestrike, I get to deliver it with the spell. Remember, this is the whole thing. We had to do the whole rigmarole and I was doing wrong. Right.

So spell attack, first attack, second attack from haste, three attacks. Okay, so the scimitar damage you rolled was just the scimitar's damage. Yeah. The 20 points damage was just the scimitar. That's 1d8 plus what? It's 1d6 plus 2d6 plus 4. So 3d6 plus 4. 3d6 plus 4. So you rolled very high.

I rolled very high. And now you just crit. Well, I have to confirm. On your normal Well, yeah. Roll to confirm. It does not confirm. Max damage on an unconfirmed 20. Or was it 20? Son of a bitch. Yeah, that one was. Okay, cool. So 22 points of damage

yeah Della is back it's been a while alright it's been a while so that was now it's my smile

that don't turn I'm gonna kill someone maybe a dwarf alright this one five foot step bite

claw claw on Baron over Umlo's dead body yep Next one, five foot step, bite, claw, claw on Baron. Over Umlo's dead body. Yep. That's what you all think. Quite literally. That's what you all think. All right, here comes the bite, Sir Baron.

20. Miss. Here comes claw number what, Baron? 29. Miss. Shut up. No, that's a hit. Ten points of damage

It attempts to grab 26 versus your CMD That's exactly my CMD You are grappled So your AC is down for its final attack But it's a minus 2 So it is going to be A 22 To hit me? While I'm grappled two and blah blah blah blah blah. So it is going to be a twenty two.

To hit me? Yes. While I'm grappled. Well, it would be a, you know, the easiest way is don't adjust your AC. So I can continue to rake after it grapples me? I'm not raking. Okay. By claw claw. No, that's a miss. Twenty two's a miss. Alright, so you are grappled and ten points of damage.

Second one is holding Sir Will and all it can do is a standard action, and that standard action will be to try and maintain the grapple against Sir Will, whose CMD is now a little bit bigger. His penis, a little bit bigger. A little bit bigger.

Well, it's twice as big. That is going to be a somewhere in the 30s. Do you need me to calculate? No, I don't know why you waste this time. Well, I just want to make sure. Because you get so ridiculously high with your AC. Yeah, that doesn't equate to CMD, really. 15 points of damage and no rake for you this time.

Sweet. You can thank Sir Della for that. That's Deputy Della to you. Yeah, that's Lil' Depp. All right, Baron, you are grappled by this Smilodon. What are you going to do? Dex minus four. Just hit the grapple condition.

You're doing that right now. Attempting to escape the grapple is a move action or a standard action? That's a standard action. See, Joe? Still feel confident, O'Brien? Still feel confident? Oh, that's right. Nestor has no target except these Smilodons.

Troy, you are such a lovely man. Kill you guys. You'll see. Ettin's still alive. I'm going to attempt to break it. So that is... Still alive. That's 6 plus 20. That's six plus 20.

My CMB plus 20. CMB plus what? Plus whatever I roll on this D20, right? Yeah. You get a six plus whatever you roll on this D20. So roll a 90-20. Just roll a 90-20 and it'll still probably... Or I'm actually going to do something I've never done.

I'm not going to get out of this. So I'm going to pistol whiff him. Yeah. All right. I like that. Okay. Fun. Surprise melee attack with a butter handle over a firearm as a standard action.

Get off of me. Yeah. Minus two to hit. Okay. Come on, baby. Who doesn't like a good pistol whiff? I know I do. 16 to hit.

That, and this is one, because it's grappled, its AC is down, so it is hit. Yeah! First time this Smilodon has ever been pistol whipped. I would venture that this is the first time a Smilodon has ever been pistol whipped in the history of Galarian. Or in real life. Or in real life. Or in real life. Or in real life. Or in real life. That is five points

of damage and because I'm hasted I get a second pistol with. Yeah. Yes. This is ridiculous. Smash its nose in. Get off me, Tony.

It's a mess. All right, so you just, buh, buh, using every last thing. Baron pulls out the kitchen sink out of the handy haversack. Buh!

Umlo, you are down. You are awake. What do you do? Oh, his fellow dwarf is grappled. What do you think he's going to do? He's going to stab up with hearts pit three times from the prone position. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

First attack. 19 to hit. 19. Minus four to hit. I have it on hero lab. Okay. Yeah. That is a hit. 19. Minus four to hit. I have it on Hero Lab. Okay. Yeah. That is a hit.

So now it's a... These guys are easy targets. It's not giant subtype, right? Yeah. No, they're not. Yeah, they're supposed to like... Well, they're giant cats. That is 13 points of damage.

Okay. Normal size. Second attack. 18 to hit. 18 to hit. 18 to hit. Hits. 15 points of damage. Nice.

Now, is he within 15 feet or is he too close? From where the base of his pawn is, he's 15 feet away. No, that creature is 10 feet away. You need to be 15 feet away to move. You know what I'm saying? He can roll five feet and attack once. Or I can just stand up. Could just stand up. That's a move action. Yeah, stand up. Stand up to move. You know what I'm saying? He can roll five feet and attack once. Or I can just stand up. Could just stand up.

That's a move action. Yeah, stand up. Stand up and attack once. Use your haste to move again and attack once. Well, you'll get two move actions. It doesn't work that way. So I'd have to stand up and take a five-foot step. Then I'll just roll and do one attack.

Okay. So you take the first attack damage. Boom. I'll take that 13 damage, but I'm not giving you three, Matthew. I'm not giving you three ever again! What are you afraid? Joe, I don't know if they can hear me, but can you do me a

favor and remind me to kill Delos? I can't use haste anymore. Just write that down. Well, that's another thing that really contributes to our total domination right now is the amazing haste spell. Yeah, that's big. D now is the amazing haste spell yeah that's Della is the best the best

haste is no joke but you know who has a joke Sir Will you're up Sir William he's going to struggle enough to kind of pull

his longsword out to the side his full size longsword for the rose and the light and I rolled the damage first

and it was max damage! 27 to hit. That is a hit. And he does... 11 points of damage. Nice. The first thing, he'll stab again. 16 to hit.

That is a miss. That's a miss. And 16 to hit. Miss, miss. All right, so you can full attack action while you grapple? I would assume so. Okay. I put it in the Hero Lab.

It says I have three attacks on it. Then I'll allow it. All right, round four, unless I missed one. The Ettin stunned, right? Yep. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stunned until the end of Nestor's turn, and it's Nestor's turn. All right.

Studied targets, double knock. Many shots. 24 to hit? 24 to hit. Hits! Is it denied its dexterity bonus to AC when it's stunned? It's AC went down, yeah. So that's sneak attack damage.

Damn you, Joe. Ah! I'm just having to know whose side you're on. You've got to do some brighter dice. I'm having so much fun. I tried so hard. 28 damage. And the end is dead.

Sweet! Two arrows. One through each eye. And two hit points. Whips round and fires again at the Smilodon menacing Sir Will. Roll a one. That is a 17. 17 on the one grappling Sir Will.

That's a hit. All right. 17 damage. Okay. And I'm going to take another attack. My final attack on the same Smilodon. That's another hit. And 14 damage.

Well, even with that low damage, it looks like old Big Sir Willie is going to live another day because that Smilodon died. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. I put one arrow through each eye. Spock, Spock. And it is.

And by the way, I just want to point out that I remembered this a while ago, but if it's a non-humanoid opponent, I get one less on my two-hit roll and my damage roll. That's one reason why the damage rolls roll. Because you're an executioner. Because I'm a Sony executioner, mate. Oh, you never had to execute a dog? No, it's not come up. Not yet.

But I'm fully prepared to do it. This court stands to hear the crimes of Snoopy the dog. I'll do it. It is Della's turn, and then it is the Smilodon's turn. Now, this Smilodon that's got Baron grappled in its maw, I think it's his claw actually, is probably going to maintain the grapple

and probably going to hit both rakes unless Della can do something about it. Della is going to magic missile. Good. Oh. Good one. Her aim is true. Oh my god, that's great No one will hear that

Fireworks 11 points of damage 11 points of damage Is that all you got Dells? That's all I got And she's gonna move to get into Flanking position on this guy See if she can give Baron a little help.

Well, Baron, I told you I was going to kill one of you. Maybe the last thing that Smilodon ever does. But he'll go down Smilodoning. Maintaining the grapple. Oh, let's see. 33 to maintain the grapple. That's confirmed. And I believe that was not with the bite, but it was the claw that grappled.

The claw. The claw. The claw from Pittsburgh. Or was it the bite? Did it bite and then miss and then hit? Who cares? Okay, well, it's different. It missed the bite.

It missed the bite. It's different damage. 15 points of damage. And now, we're going to Rake Town. Oh, Jesus. Attack number one, 30. Attack number two, 22. Miss.

Hit. That hits? I'm grappled. Oh, right. That's right. That's going to be 11 points of damage and 12 points of damage. So, 20. So, not 100.

Not 100. Yeah, so Baron's fine. Baron, what do you have for HP? Why would I share that information with you, Troy? I'm guessing. Do it for the fans. Don't do it for me. The listener.

No 80s is my guess. 45. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, you must have taken some hits on this. Yeah, I mean, it's cool. You only think about yourself, Jim. You're up, old pistol-whippin' baron.

Natural 20. This is a times two if I confirm. That's a confirm. So 2d6. Oh, right. Yeah, you got the card, dude. Right in the kisser. This is bludgeoning.

Double damage and target is pushed 1d6 squares directly away. Whoa. Does that break the grapple automatically? Nine points of damage and he's pushed six squares away. Let me tell you what happens.

Nine points of damage. What an epic pistol whip. That's awesome. This thing just maintains the grapple on Baron, just, ah, and then just, fa-fa, with its claws. So it's got it in its mouth and just, ah, tearing Baron apart. Baron just winds up with the pistol whip.

I think I know how this works. Boom, hits it on the cranium. It had eight hit points left. Oh! And it flies back. And you literally crush it, scull it, and it flies back and dies. 30 feet. You won the encounter!

And the peasants rejoice. And the peasants rejoice. I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that. Holy smokes. I'm taking off my shirt. That was intense. That was intense. Oh, my God.

That was great. No, you weren't fucking nervous at all. At all. No. I can't believe that. It's too... These creatures are too mortal for our party. They're just too mortal.

The only thing I would be worried about right now is an entire legion of ghosts that cannot be damaged by normal weapons. That's the only thing I'd be concerned about. Yeah, yeah. I hear you. I hear you. I want Joe to stop talking so that you don't kill us,

and I don't appreciate it. Hey, man. Every game needs some good shit talking every once in a while. Just get the GM all fired up. Della... All this happens in less than a minute, this happens. Yeah once in a while. Let's get the GM all fired up. Della... All this happens in less than a minute, this happens. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you guys

do? Run away. Della wants to rush towards the wall to see if she can get a peek over to see if we've alerted any of the giants that are far away. So you rush up to the wall. The wall's 30 feet high. You're on the other side of it near this closed portcullis roll of perception. Just as she runs by,

Sir Will kind of grabs her on the arm and he's six foot six. And he just kind of like looks down at her incredibly dashingly and is like, Della,

be careful. Slips her his number. Tosses his hair back. Yeah, tosses it. His hair also grew six inches. It doubled in length. And then as she runs to the wall, he shrinks down to normal size. Damn it.

Goes flaccid in the process. Why are you guys always trying to get with my characters? You're the only lady. You're the lady, man. All right, perception check. Ooh, a lady. 27. 27. So you've got your ear on this thick thick wall it's hard to tell i mean good you don't hear anything all right so then she won't climb

or anything for now you're literally like nothing she'll hand signal back to the group that no sound yeah i mean it was for a fight that you didn't really expect or want to get into you handled it quickly you don't seem to have it doesn't seem as if you've alerted anyone but we do have two giant bodies sitting on top of their checkpoint yeah um that is a true story nester is gonna move up to next to Dela and Selah. I'm going to take a quick look. She vanishes him with the wand. Okay, and climbs up.

That won't take too long. Never mind. Yeah. I just climb up. All right, so Nestor takes his time going up the... You climb up there. And I crawl on my belly past the giants to the other edge of the wall and see what I see. It's hundreds of yards before another living soul, as far as you can see.

There are tons of camps, as Della has already relayed back to you. But there's no one rushing at you. There's not a throng of giants picking up any sort of alarm. Things seem to be safe. But now this is the first time you're seeing everything. Yeah. And it's like you almost didn't believe her

when she said it. You see just hundreds of giants and this cathedral miles away that is the largest stone structure you've ever seen. Sorry, do you have to do climb checks to get up there? Is that something Sir Will could get up on? It is, but now that you know... You can take 10. Now that you know that there's no immediate threat, you can throw down a rope, do whatever you want. So I can look over at it, too. It's so far between you and any other

enemy, as far as you can tell. Sorry, Edwin. So while Nestor is sitting there, he looks up at the... just makes sure that the situation is under control. And he looks up at the cathedral

and points his finger at it like Cox's said. He's like... And starts crawling back, and he checks the bodies of the Etten and the other, the hill giant, on his way back. The hill giant doesn't have anything besides a great club. The Etten has two flails and is wearing a belt that looks pretty nice.

I'm back away, and I flop it over my shoulder and climb back down. As he comes back down, Sir Will, Della, and Baron see magic emanating from a belt. You want me to check that out for you? Oh, yeah. No, if you don't mind. And we were also corrected on our spellcraft check, which you cannot take 20 on.

My bad. 19 on the Spellcraft. That's what Grant said. Thank you. That's all I need. That's what I need to hear. Troy kept pushing the issue and pushing the issue. 19.

It was DC 18. So it is a belt of mighty hurling. A lesser belt of mighty hurling. This thick leather belt is buckled with a bright bronze clasp in the shape of a fist. When worn, it grants its wearer a plus two enhancement bonus to

strength and allows him to apply his strength modifier as a bonus on attack rolls instead of his dex modifier when making ranged attacks with thrown weapons. That's dope. You know who that would be great for? Also, the range increment of any weapon thrown by the wearer gains a plus 10 foot

bonus. Who would that be grateful? Umno. Certainly help his weakening. He doesn't have any strength right now. He has like one hit point right now. Yeah, he needs some healing too. Yeah, I don't think anyone's going to really benefit from the thrown ammunition bonus, but it's a plus to the strength.

At worst, Elmlo could, in a desperate situation, could throw the Urgash or something. Yeah, that's great. Or we could put it on Lexington and he could start just throwing shit out of his mouth. Definitely. He's a magical wolf. Why didn't you say this before? Beacon flies. There's nothing he can't do, Grant.

SF attack. He could even take 20 on a spellcraft check. Yeah. So, yeah, like, I think we know, we have a solid idea of what awaits us this way. I don't know if you want to formulate a plan to go this way or if you want to exhaust all our other options, see if there's something a little safer, a little more clandestine.

And this is what Sir Will wants to look for. Sir Will is starting to think that maybe we actually do try a clandestine mission beyond the gate. Is there, are there trees, are there like places or little nooks and crannies that we could see or is it just a completely flat,

open, stark plain where there is no place to hide throughout the entire region? Right, I mean, Della and Nestor at this point have taken cursory glances at best. So do you guys want to go up there, lay on your stomachs?

Yeah, Sir Will's up there laying on his stomach, looking tactically. Is there a place for us to hide? Oh, if you're going, I'll go back up. And Della will anoint Umlo with some demon's blood. Much to Sir Will's dismay. Any means necessary. Yeah, actually. Sir Will's dismay. Any means necessary. Yeah, actually,

Sir Will is like, do you have any more of that? I'm down rather low. Della squats down next to him and says, I thought this day would never come.

And anoints you and casts a spell. Can you... That's 20 hit points of healing? Yep, over the next two minutes. He's like, thank you, Della. Now I must go pray.

How does Yumi Dai feel about that, mate? I'm going to speak with her. Della, before you... He was down... For all my bravado, he was down very, very low. I can just see Umlo kind of watching that happen. I don't think Umlo liked that.

Even though Umlo himself has partaken. There's something about watching the teacher do it. Della, I just want to ask for you to anoint me. This was at least from a lawful evil demon, this blood, right? No, that chaotic might. There's no such thing. Well, it is Friday. Happy hour.

It's chaotic somewhere. And just for funsies, she anoints him and smears the blood into the closest she can make of her rune. Oh, my rune for Ashpeak? No, my rune. I wasak? No, my rune. I was like, that's a giant penis. Don't you remember? That would be easier to draw. And Del will also hit I'm Low with the Wand

a couple times. Wow. This is getting dark. This party's getting dark. By any means necessary. Nestor is highly amused by these bodies people taking in demons' blood. He thinks it's very, very interesting.

It's interesting to see how perhaps Nestor's influence has infiltrated the party in more ways. They can only help, mate. Than they are willing to admit. You could do a lot worse to be more like me. We are now deep in enemy territory. We don't have the luxury of having morals and scruples like that. No, we can't afford them anymore. But you're right.

You're absolutely right. I back you 100% on that. And then Will starts to kind of feel a little bit guilty. And he's like, we should balance it out, though. And he will channel positive energy. And this is kind of his prayer of like a confession. He's like, he realizes what he did. He's like, I'm so sorry.

And he channels positive energy. Eleven. This is like eating a pizza and then having a salad to be healthy. Exactly. That's exactly what it's like. And a Diet Coke. I have six cheeseburgers and a Diet Coke. A small season curly.

So then we'll turn back around and try to take a long tactical look at the area. Is there places to move between? Little puddle jumps between hidden places. You guys are all atop this thing, and it's about 20 feet sort of wide, this gate. So you have plenty of room to lay up there with the bodies of the Etten and the hill giant, which will also have to be dealt with, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, the Smilodons are already attracting flies on the other side of the valley. But all of you are up there, yes? Yeah. Laying on your stomachs, just watching. As the valley widens on the other side of the gate, all traces of vegetation disappear, having been cut down or trampled even into dirt and mud.

Plumes of smoke from countless campfires rise into the sky. And all you can hear, even those of you who speak giant, can't quite make out the loud, guttural speech of shouts that fill the air. Even though it's some maybe miles away, it's just echoing throughout this valley

ahead of you obviously as Della said as Nestor got a peek a towering edifice of stone looms over the canyon carved into the face of a mighty mountain and the more you look at it you realize there's like a perimeter around it and this cathedral while carved into the rock,

sits atop a plateau behind another inner gate. Between the sheltering slopes of the surrounding peaks stretches a broad, muddy expanse where countless giants, as I've said, have set up these makeshift camps. Wide roads of trampled earth traverse the valley floor, connecting the camps to smaller side canyons, which Della already saw, to the north and to the south.

Remember, you're looking west, due west. You can see below the cathedral numerous ogres you recognize trolls obviously and several varieties of giants you haven't quite come upon yet they've all set up their camps most of them as Della has already told you

they're clustered together with their own kind while they're all clearly gathered here for a similar purpose you would all know, especially Baron, that there's little love lost between the various giant species and so the fact that their encampments are so widely spaced with several hundred yards between them makes sense. Even though they may be here for a common cause, they don't play nice.

In the middle of the valley, may be here for a common cause, they don't play nice. In the middle of the valley, dirt and blood-spattered giants form a long, snaking column, sort of pushing and shoving its way up the western side of the valley toward the great gates of this perimeter wall protecting the cathedral. You can see this huge this perimeter wall protecting the cathedral. You can see this huge

inner perimeter wall that circles the cathedral. You can't see the other sides of it because it goes onto the north and south roads. You can make out hill giants, a few stone giants, cave giants, and also ettons and ogres and trolls.

You know, there's all sorts of shitty giants along with like giants that you haven't seen before. Are there any non-giants peoples that we can see? Any humanoid? None. Okay. Zero. No orcs? What about anything dragon-like?

Nothing. All you see is giants. Okay. It'slike. Nothing. All you see is giants. Okay. It's racist. All right. More giants trudge along the roads crossing the valley floor. So you've got this snaking column, but then you've got just as many going to the road to the north,

just as many going to the road to the south. Not in like a line. They're kind of coming and going. Those heading south drag loads of timber, herds of livestock, big sacks of provisions, and other supplies. The giants traveling north carry

little but their own weapons. So you're sitting up there and you're trying to figure out, is this even possible? Could we... Could we do anything about this? Yeah, I don't know if you saw it, but I just mouthed to Skid what

the expletive are we supposed to do here? It doesn't make any sense. I know, I mean, it makes perfect sense, but the idea of us just, like, getting in there is completely beyond me right now. You still want to talk shit about my Smilodon? We also have a bit of a problem in that Umlo has line of sight on giants.

Well, here's the thing. No, he doesn't. He's not up there. Who said he's up there? Let's say you said Umlo just chilled for a second. So he's Umlo's baby? You have a couple of problems. Certainly, Umlo is one of them.

We'll get to that. I can speak to you as the GM I can also speak to you as a speak plainly Troy could you speak to us as Oprah

let me just speak in plain common nerd you are very clearly outnumbered and outmatched and it doesn't take an idiot or Joe

to know that any attempt to attack these amassed giants or to try and take out a camp would be tantamount to suicide. You're 100% sure of that. On the other hand, as you sit up there and you watch and you think, you've been through a number of battles at this point, you've fought a number of giants, a couple things become clear to you.

For one thing, you're hundreds of yards from the nearest encampment, miles from the actual cathedral. That's how big it is. And there's a shit ton of stuff going on. While there are countless giants camped about, there's a lot of space to move around And they're all very preoccupied

Nestor can see Like there's cracks and crevices in the valley wall Even though it widens on its way out there There are The camps are spread wide enough apart That maybe there'd be a way But maybe not In one wrong move

Fuck So you wonder but maybe not. And one wrong move, fuck. So you wonder. You feel pretty confident that running in there, like straight up against this group of giants, everyone would die. For a hybrid!

Yeah, this wouldn't be like... Now is the time for a hybrid charge. I mean, it would be insta-death. This wouldn't be like... I think it would take at least three or four rounds. Yeah, three or four rounds.

Which means 24 seconds. They'd have to catch him and then... But the more you study the situation... Now I'm thinking the strategy is Sir Will just starts riding in, gets all their attention, and just rides out the gates. With all of the Congolese. Yeah, with all the Congolese. A hundred giants.

Following a halfling. On a magical wolf. So, I mean, Lexington, don't fail me now. Yeah, we're into a theater near you. You guys, you guys just looking at it, you know that like

if you were to run in there, it's, it's, you're gonna die. But the more you study the situation, you just keep wondering if there would be a way to move about undetected

if the stealthiest among you were to lead the charge, were to become the leader. If Nestor was said, I got this, and you put your faith in Nestor and his roles. The problems beyond the many obvious ones are one thing, but then you also wonder, like, you came here based on something you found in Grenselbeck's lair.

That's the first you even heard about this. And you got here and then you've been winding through these encounters and coming across ancient monuments that are both dwarven and giant. And now you find this cathedral that you've heard about. So you have to also wonder, what the hell is going on? And what does this even mean, even if we were to sneak in and breach the camps? The plateau that the cathedral sits on itself is surrounded by this enormous and pretty high, you can't tell because it's so far away, but you know it's high, circular wall,

and you can only see one gate from as far away as you are. You would assume it's the gate because that's where the column of people are going towards, the middle, as it were. And then, as Matthew mentioned, you've got Umlo, who doesn't need to be 30 feet away from a giant for the hand to be activated, as we've kind of been doing. It's the hand, not the armor. Right, it's the hand.

All Umlo needs is line of sight to a giant, and he has to roll a DC 15 will save or possibly be compelled to fight them to the death. Now we were discussing this and we said, you know, with the spell suggestion, which is what this is based on, you would, anything that would cause you immediate death

would negate the effect of the spell. So surely... Anything harmful. Yeah, if we knew it was certainly, certain suicide, Umlo would be able to resist that right right it's still that fear though yeah that how many will saves can he fail when it's just gonna be like ah the hand has a mind of its own when the hand of his ancestor is acting you know is somehow connected to his brain so what do you do with umlo how can you not blindfold him right do you blindfold him do you just ask him, like, just look down, follow our feet? Of the chill gaze.

And then am I, like, rolling to see if I'm accidentally looking? He certainly can't. He couldn't do stealth with a blindfold, though. So, not that he's particularly stealthy to begin with. Do you leave, Umlo? Do you say, Umlo, you stay here, guard the pass, while you guys try to go in? What the hell do you do? You know what?

Talk amongst yourselves for the next week. Oh, what? Oh, come on! Oh, man. Sneaky. Outro Music