The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 21 – Bad Juju

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

After a 16 month hiatus due to the worldwide pandemic, the bad boys of tabletop went back on the road and the first stop was the City of Brotherly Love - Joe's hometown of Philadelphia! The heroes have left the asylum behind, but they're quickly caught up in a new disturbing mystery on the mean streets of Thrushmoor. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/JHtulVHFTPc Recap 15:22 Gameplay 28:48 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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$99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at CUDO. Conditions apply. Be honest. I want everybody to be honest. Did you miss us? Be honest. I want everybody to be honest. Did you miss us? We missed you! We missed you! It is so good to be back! To be back on the road, back performing live, back hanging out with the niche! And back in the great city of Philadelphia.

Great city. Now listen. I've given Philly a lot of shit in the past. But that's only because Joe's from here. And I like to make him feel bad. It's your favorite pastime, some might say. I derive a weird joy from it. But I think Philadelphia is easily in my top 600 favorite cities in the Northeast.

It really is. I mean that. 700. Top 700 cities in the Northeast. But I'm not here to make the amazing people of Philadelphia feel bad. That's what Ben Simmons is for. Am I right? That's what Carson Wentz was for.

Do you ever say that name on this stage? That's what Carson Wentz was for. Oh! Do you ever say that name on this stage? They're all really overhyped. All your star athletes. How we doing tonight, Philly, huh? Everybody have their whiz wit and their roasted pork with their broccoli rabe and their tasty cakes. I've been here 24 hours

and I almost had a heart attack today. It's not even an exaggeration. It did have to talk me down. I watched it happen. I don't know if it was a panic attack or a coronary. I think it was both. Folks, my name is Troy

LaValle. As if you didn't know, and I'll be your pilot in the imagination copter this evening. If you didn't drop everything to come here tonight, then you are allergic to fun, and I hope you never find the cure. That's what I think. This is our first show back after 16 months from this COVID hiatus. Can you believe that?

That COVID was a real kick in the penis, wasn't it? Really. Real pain in the butt, as they say. Inconvenient. Really inconvenient is what it boiled down to. Just rude. But if you're here tonight, COVID, or you're watching at home, fuck you.

It's party time. Allow me to now take a moment to introduce the greatest players a GM could ever have. If that GM had horrible taste in players. First up, folks, he's small, he's hairy, he works in a dying medium. Give I got nothing. I just thought, this is so stupid, but I realized you're the kiwi of people. Because, like kiwi fruit, you're small, you're hairy,

and no one ever craves you. Oh, no. People order Kiwi stuff all the time. You crave Kiwi? I do. I don't crave it, but... I always crave Kiwi. I... I crave Matthew. You crave him? When I need a contract

re-read. That's true. Very, very good at that. You crave Matthew when you're like, how do we spend money on lawyers real fast? I'll call up Matthew. I crave his information. You know, it's been 16 months. I can't believe I missed this. No, I'm going to be nice.

I'm going to be nice tonight. Folks, to my right here, this very special man, he's as tall as Paul Bunyan, but now he's as thin as Manute Ball. Manute Ball is also very tall. He was very tall. You could have just stuck with Manute Ball through the hole.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Manute Ball of the Glass Cannon Network. Greg Berger, everybody. He's the only person that lost weight during COVID. Only one. That makes you really popular with everyone else. I know. Put on five or ten. I think I gained all the weight you lost.

You look great. Thank you. We're proud of you. Appreciate it. Great work. Love you. Folks, you know him as the king of the nerds. I know him as one of my closest friends.

He is the man, the myth, the legend, Mr. Skidmore! Skid and I are sharing a hotel room this week. And this morning, I went out to go write, and then I came back, and Skid was gone. I wanted to hop in the shower. And the drain in our hotel room is a little weird. It's like this weird little flippy thing that... It's a very nice hotel, but for some reason... It's the worst designed drain in the world. It's really a disaster.

It's just this thing that like it's like a little nickel that if it flips the wrong way it fills it up so i wanted to take a shower but there was just a bowl of skid soup sitting there yeah and like i think skid's a clean guy but but daddy always told me don't stick your hand in another man's soup i know especially like troy with his hang up shall we say this was a nightmare like if he went to hell

this is what he would have to do every five minutes just stick his hand just like this hulking devil standing over him put your hand in the soup I was like I can open the drain but then I'd have to kill myself for having touched that I texted Troy to try to help him with the drain

and he wrote back it's full of skid juice. I need a professional. And then he later wrote in, no, no, no. Pouille de base de mar. What if skid got a little frisky that morning? There could be some secret ingredients in there. I'm not putting my hand

in the skid soup. I didn't want to look soup I didn't want to look I didn't want to know I did feel bad for peeing in it though Damn it I didn't know it would stay there I thought it would drain away I stuck like a Poland spring bottle in there

I was like how the fuck does this thing work And then it splashed on me I was like ah I must burn my hands now I was grossed out When I came over to fix it I was like I don't want to touch out when I came over to fix it. I was like, I don't want to touch this either.

I know, and it was your choice. I can only imagine what you felt like. It was like, we're under a very strict time constraint. I'll just be dirty. Wait, so you never showered? No, I did. Skid finally went in there, and he pulled out his hand, and it was just a bone. Like, it stuck his hand into acid. Folks,

he's Philly's native son. He loves cheese in all forms. He loves natural ones. He loves cheese in all forms. He loves natural ones. He loves his subscription to Tiny Penis Weekly. There's a lot of us out there.

It's a good bag. Do you need that on a weekly basis? That's a lot. For a print publication? Yeah, that is an aggressive publication schedule for Tiny Magazine. Tiny Magazine, much less. Condé Nast bestseller. Who would ever release

something weekly for people to consume? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard of. Small condoms and you. Joe O'Brien, everybody. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, I was in the green room and I was like, I'm going to have a heart attack. I was so fired up here and you guys going nuts out here. Joe, I want to talk about you tonight because you've had a hell of a 24 hours.

You are just a magnet for bad luck. You'll be surprised to learn that this is true. Everyone here. It's been a rough one. Joe decided to spend time with family last night instead of hanging out with us, this is true. Everyone here. It's been a rough one. Joe decided to spend time with family last night instead of hanging out with us, which is fine. So Skid and Grant and myself and Matthew went and got some pizza.

And it was around I don't know, 7.50. And I was like, Joe's running the stream tonight. And I don't see the stream running. I'm going to text him. And the only thing you've got to know about Joe is he never answers his phone. He doesn't text.

He doesn't pick up the phone if you call. So I'm texting. I'm getting more frantic. I'm calling him. And then I was like, I'm going to text his wife. The last one was 16 question marks. Yes. Separated by a few spaces.

Yeah. So there was this kind of question. At first, Troy was worried. And then he was pissed. And then he was just flabbergasted. And then there was a moment where quest here. At first, Troy was worried, and then he was pissed, and then he was just flabbergasted. And then there was a moment where we just thought he was dead. We weren't pretty sure. I text his wife.

I'm like, hey, Aaron, I'm sorry to bother you, but is your husband alive? Because if he is, I'd like to kill him. So then I call him. He's like, hey, what's going on? I hear samba music in the background. He's like, what's up, man? I'm like, the stream. He's like, hey, what's going on? I hear like samba music in the background. He's like, what's up, man? I'm like, the stream!

He's like, oh, son of a... That's why the stream started late last night. But then you call me today and you're like, just tell me what happened today. Oh, it's long. I'll keep it as short as possible. Too late. Too late, exactly. I have... I don't know if it's getting back to this show, getting back on the road.

There's a lot on my mind, and so many things got pushed out, and I forgot so many things. And on top of that, my car broke down. And this was an all-car trip. We're driving to Philly now, we're driving to D.C. tomorrow, and my car overheated last night. So when he calls me to put on this stream, I'm standing in front of the hood of my car, just like steaming. I'm like, I don't know what to do here. I'm not a real man.

And so I was very concerned. My dad's like, you got to do this, you got to do this. And it turns out my radiator broke and there's the coolant leakage and I had to go to the mechanic this morning. So I go to the mechanic and this is where the forgetfulness comes in. Take the car to the mechanic and then go back home for a little bit. They're like, I'll be done in a few hours.

I didn't even tell you guys this. I saved it for air. I go back to the mechanic and I don't have my wallet. I lost my wallet. So now I'm like, oh my God, I'm sick to my stomach. I'm like, what have I done? How did I lose my wallet? I was hanging out drinking beers. My brother-in-law last night was over here, B. Higgs. He fed me a few too many Miller Lights at Jump the Sharp on Twitter. Listen to his podcast. So then I, yeah, sports betting. It's fantastic. So then I'm like,

So then I, yeah, sports betting, it's fantastic. So then I'm like, oh my God, what did I do with it last night? It turns out my wallet is in a pool bag with my kid's pool stuff where we were swimming at his house in a car on the way back to Jersey with my wife and the kids. And I'm like, oh my God, I need ID to get into the hotel. So she's like, I can't turn around. The kids have a doctor's appointment. So I didn't tell any of you this, but the car got done and I got in my car

at the mechanic and I drove all the way home to North Jersey. Oh, wow. Got my wallet, turned around, drove all the way here just in time to have dinner

with these guys. And now I'm playing Black Jar! Black Jar! I'm playing Blast Over! And I've got my wallet and the story isn't over. So then I come in here with my shoes, my show shoes,

because I've got my sandals for just, you know, walking around, getting stuff ready on the stage and everything. I've got my, as Troy calls them, my show shoes. And, yeah, they're over there. I didn't know that.

Carrie's holding them up right now. I'm in the green room. Everyone, turn and look. Where are my shoes? So I have no shoes. I am wearing socks and dad sandals like an absolute loser. But look at these things. Look at these horrible things.

But, to be fair, this is proper uniform for a Pathfinder player in his 40s. So, I think I'm doing the... I'm wearing the uniform of this show, I think. Philly Joe, huh?

Can we please play? Can we please just play a game? Nobody John's a John like Billy Joe. I am so excited to be back. I don't have any notes other than to say thank you for coming out. I know that this is a weird time to be back out. But we just

we just really miss you guys and we miss playing this game and like yeah this is a performance but we're really just playing and we're hanging out with our friends and so thank you for being our friends tonight you play your cards right one of you may go home with us

we're all married or taken. Well, none of us are going home tonight. We're all going to Washington, D.C. Right. So have fun in our homes. Yes. One of you may go to our homes tonight. We have no control over that.

But if you stop by Joe's house, he already has his wallet. Yes, thank you. Should we hop in? Let's start it up. Start the rotors going. You should get a sirenscape helicopter sound. Yes, I'm sure there is one.

I need someone to make a video of a slice of bacon being shoved into a computer because it's 2021. We're back. And the fun drive has been activated! Yeah, baby. Grant Gethsemane Burger. Take it to the

recap. Recap! It really sets the mood. The horror mood. That's some good recap. The quality of the recap graphic has improved, evolved over the length of this tour. Yes, our talent has gone down, but the recap graphic... It's a compensation. It's like a huge pickup truck. Right. Folks,

this is a big recap here. I've got notes because there's so much to say. So much has happened! We played last month and we got through a ton of shit. As most of you know Most of you How many people's first timers here tonight?

Glass Cannon Glass Cannon Live rookies Time to pop those chairs That's probably enough That's not very nice, I'm sorry I grew up in a weird time 42, I'm still learning As most of you know The Glass Cannon Live Tour is a playthrough up in a weird time. 42. I'm still learning.

As most of you know, the Glass Cannon Live Tour is a playthrough of the Pathfinder first edition Strange Aeons Adventure Path. We started touring in 2018.

That L.A. show was in 2018. And then last summer during the pandemic, we wrapped up book one with a three-day marathon online to make up for all the shows that we had lost to COVID. We had so many high hopes for 2020, as did everyone. But you know what?

We're back, and those high hopes are coming with us. We did another marathon about a month ago to jump into book two of Strange Aeons and to kick off this tour in style by getting back into the skins of these characters, getting back into the meat and the sinew and the bones of this story. So excited. Book one dealt with these heroes in this weird asylum that was caught

between the material plane and the dreamlands. You got out of there. And so book two began with these heroes, our heroes leaving the asylum behind and the island upon which it stood to head for the mainland, for the city of Thrushmore in Versex County in the principality of Ustalov. I want to try and find out what association they have

to a man named Count Hazerton Lowles IV, the Count of Versex County who resides in Thrushmore. Our heroes need to find out their connection to this dude because they have no memory of who they are and why they were placed in the asylum, but they do know that Lals was the one that placed them there. And perhaps he had something to do with their current fugue state. Three of the heroes. Atticus Grimm,

a rat folk wizard, Halster Price, a human war priest of Phrasma, and Aldo Casimir, a human alchemist. G'day. They apparently worked for Laos in some capacity before their memories were lost and they were committed to Briarstone. Their newest companion, Mr. Julie Andrews.

A human paladin of Sarenrae, she committed herself to Briarstone years ago, perhaps to escape the horror she faced during the Crusades and the demon-infested world war. Two of their companions perished in the asylum. The beloved Cartha Malasord, known better as Mrs. O'Lady. And of course, the poorly built orc. Who died 15 minutes

into our first show. It's nothing to do with his build. Just, one can only wonder if he was built by someone capable. If he'd be sitting right here tonight.

I really sincerely hope an orc would not be sitting right here with us tonight. I bet you he doesn't subscribe to Tiny Penis Weekly. He just gets the annuals. You speak with...

Christmas edition. Put a little hat on it. All right. Santa hat. That'd be fun. Right, Grant? Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho.

I don't care if I'm 80. I will always make these jokes, and I will always laugh at them. So, last of my train of thought. You begin exploring Threshmore, this city, and you're confronted by a bunch of people who remember you from before, and every single one of them remembers you as a particularly bad person. Not Sir Julie, but the other three of you. A tavern owner where you seek a warm meal remembers Halster,

because the last time he was in there, he got into a fight with a guy and nearly killed him before he was thrown in the tank overnight. Have any of you ever fought someone drunk? Yes. And didn't remember it? No, I remembered it. How would you remember it? If you fought someone and didn't remember, it's possible.

But you wouldn't know. Well, found out later because they were like, you know, Oh, someone was like. Yeah, you woke up in prison. Like that. Has that ever happened? No, that hasn't happened to me. Do you ever get into a fist fight? Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. I get really angry. Yeah. Turns out, like, once it's, like, really going, my adrenaline goes through the roof. Yeah, we almost came to blows once over, like, the rules for combat casting.

You stood up on your chair. What? All right, all right. Calm down. Yeah, I almost watched Joe get into a fist fight at another Pathfinder game. I was terrified. The guy thought you were fudging your rolls?

Yeah. Stood up and pushed you. All right, so yeah, someone thinks, someone tells you you got into a fight, got thrown in jail. A local stevedore approaches Aldo. Apparently they were old drinking buddies. And he tells them that the last time he saw him,

he saw Aldo and some of his cronies down by the dock, shoving some package up underneath it. The people at the sleepless detective agency remember you, Atticus, causing trouble in the town square. Almost coming to blows with the detectives. A real piece of trash you are. Laying it on a little thick thing is none of you remember any of this as they start to say it

you get vague memories of it but you don't really recall having these memories meanwhile the town of thrushmore seems to be wrapped up in its own troubles people have been going missing as of late never good there are eerie halfrawn murals all over town depicting these lost cityscapes.

A vagrant near the inn where you're staying rambles on about the return of the Briarstone Witch and a second vanishing is upon us. And this seems to be a sentiment that lots of people believe. It's not only relegated to the town crazy guy. You speak with Cesedia Renz at the Sleepless Detective Agency and convince her that you're not the people

she once knew, that your desires are just, and that you're here to help. So she updates you on what's happening in Threshmore, that not only has Count Hazerton Lowell IV abandoned his post, but the magistrates skip town mysteriously as well, leaving the already poorly manned city garrison for a tail course without its leader.

Several other people have gone missing as well, and she's flooded with family members begging her to help find their loved ones. Townspeople who went to Lyle's residence looking for answers were told by his assistant, a woman named Mellie Sen, that she was instructed not to let anyone in until he returned. The constable left in charge of Fort Hale course tells the people basically the same thing, adding that she can't even provide soldiers

to help with this missing person problem because most of the mercenaries left the garrison after they stopped getting paid. Rance believes that Lowles was embezzling money from the town for his scholarly pursuits, leaving the coffers empty

and perhaps that's what drew the attention of a royal accuser, Grant! Omari. Omari. and perhaps that's what drew the attention of a royal accuser, Grant. Omari. Omari. Omari. Oh. Omari?

Omari? It sounds like a high cholesterol medication. Right. Omari, yeah. My life got better. Or those chips that give you anal leakage. Olestra, yeah. Olestra.

Olestra, Omari. I remember it well. Yes. I want to have less calories, but I also don't want to leak out of my asshole. There has to be a middle ground. There's got to be a middle ground. It's not so bad if your shower drains,

but if it gets stuck like yours, then you're... Oh, sorry. All the drains in Philadelphia weren't great. Yeah. Be proud of your drains. Be proud of your drains. Come on.

Don't get down. You know from the nun that you met in the asylum, Winter Klaxa, that a royal accuser, an inquisitor, who basically works for the government,

came to Thrushmore to investigate Lyle's disappearance. You find out from Cesedia that the accuser and her retinue went to Fort Halecourse to inquire into the missing magistrate and never returned. Final paragraph here, okay?

Then we'll get into the show. There's a lot going on. By book six, the recap is going to be the whole length of the show. Yeah, in three years, I'll finish the recap is going to be the whole length of the show. Yeah, in three years, I'll finish the recap and I'll be like, alright, thanks for coming, everybody. You really should have let an editor look at this. It's very extensive.

In the meantime, you go down to the dock to retrieve this bag that Aldo apparently left behind and after barely surviving a battle with a gibbering mouther, Aldo remembers putting it there. And some of the members of your team were with you. But you don't remember why. A ghostly revenant attacks the party, claiming that Atticus killed him.

And then Atticus is struck with this memory of killing him while his friends stood by or held this poor, helpless guy down. You fight a druid hidden away in a cave a mile outside a town. And just kill her. You just kill her. What's going on in here? You didn't even ask a question. What are you, a druid? Kill her! Kill her! No! We just killed her!

There were no questions asked. We didn't interrogate her or anything. No! Never trust a druid! Kill it! we didn't interrogate her or anything never trust a druid kill it she was working on cures for the whole town and she thought you were there to steal those cures and then you murdered her in cold blood but you did find that

there was a note that said that she had been providing Lyle's assistant this Mellie Sen, with dream-inducing drugs and oils. Hmm, the plot thickens. You go to speak to a priestess at a town chapel, and she's gone missing too. But there's this artist there. This story's so ridiculous. And the artist is like, I'm sorry, she's not here,

but, oh, here's this painting I did of you because I saw you in my dreams last night. People who are here with their significant others who don't play this game, I appreciate you the most.

You're the real heroes. You're the real heroes. We'd like to issue you an official apology from the Glass Canada Network. All right. Can I hit something with a sword now? Hit Joe. We ended the two-day marathon

with a back-to-back battle which felt like your 20th encounter of the day as this ghostly apparition of an old woman with these eldritch abnormalities growing out of her. Basically she didn't even attack you, she toyed with you, draining some of your charisma. But then appearing

out of nowhere, practically, these four cultists came out in this thoroughfare that was bookended by two more of these eerie cityscape murals. They came out, you barely survive, and then as you're searching them, you find

they all have something in common. An unholy symbol of Hastur. The king in yellow. And that is where we start our adventure today.

Yes! I want to play! Yes. Good night, Philly. Guys, you're sitting there or standing there. I guess you wouldn't sit like, oh, what a battle. Sit on the ground. You're standing there. There's four wouldn't sit like, oh, what a battle. Sit on the ground. You're standing there.

There's four dead cultists all wearing robes. They were attacking you with saps, and then they switched to their rapiers. So they were trying to do non-lethal damage to you, which makes you think, like, they didn't want to kill us. They wanted to knock us out. Maybe bring you somewhere. Maybe do weird stuff to you. Pass. Yeah.

What do you want to do? I would like to search the bodies, first and foremost. I think you already did. Did we? Yes. You found... Yes, we received an email just this morning. Yes. I don't check emails from Troy. That's a good decision.

Doesn't answer phones, texts, emails. There's a great setting on Gmail. It's like automatically archive emails from this person? Yeah. Yes. They all had rapiers, saps, oil of magic weapon. They all had a potion to cure light. Potions of vanish, which, spoiler alert,

they were going to use to get out of there when things got bad, but you were too powerful. Is that how they... I'm not done. Wow. They all had chain shirts. Okay. I'm so glad you managed to squeeze that out there.

That changes everything. Wow. And ten gold pieces. But you know what, Matthew? You don't get those now because you interrupted me. I was just going to recall that when they set upon us, it was as if they came out of nowhere. Sure was, Matthew. Did we get a sense they were peering out of invisibility or was it something else that was going on?

Did they come out of the paintings Because that was the sense I got at the time It's interesting You don't know You were very distracted by this old woman That seemed like an apparition of an apparition Like a copy of a copy Was she there just to distract you

Was she there just to F with you In case the kids watch later. You don't know, but then you turned around and these guys were just there. Out of nowhere. You look at the murals and you've seen these all over town. They're like very

reminiscent of those dreams that you had. Sir Julie, I said that even you have had these dreams in the asylum. When all the shit went down and there was an uprising, before you could find a place of safety. Actually, you didn't sleep in the chapel, so you were having nightmares on the

rig. Sir Julie's been having nightmares for like 50 years. You saw this city as well, this nightmare town. And there was one show where you kind of tied it to Carcosa? Carcosa? Chicago

2019. I'll never forget it. Were they masked? No, they had cowls. Are they human? Can we tear away the cow? And they're human. They look exactly like you. They're rat folk?

No, they're Irish. They're all Irish. I never realized the danger we were in. With the saps, like the Irish mob. Bunch of thugs. It's the Bowery Boys.

Aldo, do you owe somebody money? I don't think so. Dropkick Murphys starts playing. Can we do a heel check just to see if there was anything that might suggest they did emerge from the paintings? A heel check to see if they emerged from the paintings? Well, we all know that is what heel checks are for. Did they injure themselves on their way out of the painting? Do they have flecks of paint on their sides?

Some paint got into their wounds and they got very sick. I cut myself. I cut myself in this frame. Watch yourselves, lads. Yeah, go ahead and roll that heel check. You tell me what check I should roll to determine if someone came out of a painting. Definitely heel. Natural 20.

First roll of the tour, baby. First roll back. The luck of the Irish. Nat 20. What is that total? 26. You know for certain that is the wrong skill. You're sure of it.

You've never been more sure of anything in your life. Could I do instead of knowledge planes? Would that be applicable in this situation? It sounds like you're talking down to Matthew. No, no, no, not at all. I too can roll knowledge planes. I heard that in his tone. Yeah, try a knowledge planes.

Okay. 16. 16. 24. Oh, you're getting back in on this? Yeah, by glutton for punishment, apparently. So... Actually, it's a 25, sorry.

25. Aldo, you look at this and you definitely detect a faint magic signature to these walls, but you can't quite suss it out. 25. You get the sense that they did come out of these

walls. I knew it! Wow! Bottle cap. I don't have any. I knew it knew it bottle cap there is I don't have any it has this kind of like a dimension door feel to it

you know what I mean like they can they came out of here maybe all the murals are connected you don't know for sure but like there is no way they could have just appeared. They had to have come out of the mural. So is this related to Hastur worship? Is this related to some other weird shit going on in the town?

Yeah, I mean, are the paintings just Carcosa? They're just paintings of Carcosa and they're coming from Carcosa? You don't know. You touch them and it just feels like a shitty old mural. Sir Julie with a gauntleted fist is going to punch the wall and mess up the painting a little bit.

You want me to roll to hit on that? No, you hit it and you take 73 points of damage. Really fought back. It's failed a paladin of Sarenrae, that wall. That crumbling wall. Now roll a heal check. What do you want to do? It's been a rough day.

Yeah, I want to rest for sure before anything. Before we walk on any other street. Head back to the stain. We leave the bodies bloody bleeding out into the street and go take a nap. Put them in weird positions, like kissing. Is there... This will get them.

They were just like... Look at those corpses are kissing. Halster lays a copy of Tiny Penis Weekly on top of them. This will be the perfect crime. Well, they are Irish. You better watch it, dude. You better watch it.

You want to go back to the stain, go back to the old silver wagon, Call it a night Okay You head back To the place where you found lodging The place where you had to convince The proprietor that like

You're cool I'm not that guy anymore And he only let you do it because you got the Vagrant to like bugger off for the night He's not back, but there is a young girl, a teenage girl standing, or she's sitting like on the front steps. She's too young to be allowed into the bar.

But she sees you as you approach and she kind of stands up, dusts off her dress and tries to get your attention. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Yes, yes.

I'm very exhausted. I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you. My name is Holisa, and I understand that you're here to help us? Help you how, exactly? Help the people of Threshmore. You mean by discovering why these people are going missing? Yes, yes. Yes, yes, we are.

You are? Yes. They've been talking about you. Everyone in town, this is a close-knit community, and outsiders do not go unnoticed, especially with all of the problems as of late. I've heard a lot of different things about you. I heard you were inmates of Briarstone who escaped.

I've heard that you used to be the Count's hired muscle, come back to cause trouble. I heard that you're traveling performers, planning on putting on a play version of the 1996 thriller Primal Fear, starring Richard Gere and a young Edward Norton in the town square. There's a real breakout performance for young Edward Norton. People talk. I don't know what's true and what's false. But I was there when you calmed down that crowd outside of the artist's studio.

I saw your hearts and I believe you are here for good. Frances McDormand was in that as well. Was she? Yeah. She played the psychologist. And Laura Linney. There you go. They say that you'll play her part. Really? Yes. But they're just rumours.

They abound in this town. That's so specific. They abound in this town. That's so specific. Really specific and fiction-breaking rumor. This little waif, just like listening. I heard they're here to do the play version of the 1996 thriller. What? 1996 and what? Anyways. Anyway.

I'll get right to the point. My brother, Sean, was one of the victims of this recent string of kidnappings. We have no family, my brother and I, just each other. I just really need to find him. Please. Please, if you can, can you find him?

She looks to you, Sir Julie. She's like, my grandfather was a knight, like you. My brother and I were hoping to be knights as well someday. My pop-pop left us his shield when he passed on to the boneyard and said that one day we would wield it like he did in the world wound. And I would happily give it to you if you would find my brother for me. We shall find him and I do not require your shield.

No, we'll take it. I want... Your generosity is most welcome. Okay. Either way, I just want to find my brother. Tell us everything you know about him. Yes, where was he last? Well, hopefully this will take less time than the recap.

Yeah, we're all like swaying on our feet. Like, what? What did you want? Who is he? I'm sorry. I'm so tired. I just, okay. It was a cold August day when Sean was born. Oh no. Just could you write it down?

Just write it down. Put it in the envelope. I went with mother to pick Daisy's... Have the housekeeper put it under the door. We sat there for hours waiting for him to arrive. I swear to God. Shone was ever tardy, even before he was born. And she goes on for like 45 minutes.

And then my grandfather gave me the shield. Atticus is just... We'll kill you like a druid! Like a common druid in the street we just murdered a whole pack of Irishmen back there you want a taste? finish your damn story if you mean cleaning up this town by killing all the druids and the Irish, then yes, that's what we're here for. That's where you start.

That's where any good cleanup campaign starts. First the druids, then the Irish. Finally, the Irish druids. The most dangerous. The most dangerous. The most dangerous game. The property values skyrocket. As soon as after step three, profit. The most dangerous game.

It's a lethal combination. I think the funny thing is I think that's how history basically played out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it funny? I don't think it's how history basically played out. Yeah. Yeah. Is it funny? I don't think it's funny for the Irish. I don't think so. If there are any Irish people here, that's why you're here.

Probably. Yeah. Please find my brother, Sean. Do it for me, Holisa. Do it for my brother, Sean, Do it for me, Holisa. Do it for my brother, Sean. And do it for our grandfather. What was your grandfather?

What was his name? My grandfather? Yes, your grandfather. Zanzibar Macintosh. She was Irish as well. Yes. She was Irish as well? Yes Put another name on the list It's bold of you to use that name in public No, no, he's dead already

Sir? Sir Zanzibar McIntosh? Sir Zanzibar Macintosh Sir Zanzibar Macintosh yes valiant knight he was fought bravely in the world war they say a Macintosh doesn't fall far from the tree

so I just like to first show back how would you feel So I just like to... First show back. How would you feel... I don't know what the state of your prep is like, but how would you feel if we took the rest of the time of the show to do a flashback to Sir Julie's whirlwind romance

with Sir Zanzibar McIntosh in the world room? Just improv. Just improv for the rest of the time. Yes, set the stage. Yes! Oh my god Let me get my battlefield sound set It's like men charging in the distance Side by side

Crane shot We found each other on the field of battle And then we found each other in the field of my bed She might say If that was the road we went down tonight. Is that where you learned to lay on hands? It is where I learned my greatest mercy. Sir Julie, would you...

If you wouldn't mind curing my medium wound. Medium to large. All right, so you're going to help this girl in arms? You mean Sir Julie's granddaughter? Yes. You're going to help this girl in Ireland? Yeah, sure. You mean Sir Julie's granddaughter? Yes. You're going to help this little Irish lass? Yes. Okay.

We'll help you. Thank you. Please, I will hang out nearby. Whenever you're ready for this quest. I don't have a home, so I'll just kind of chill in the area It's alright, you'll see me I'll be the one with the big exclamation mark Over my head, over here

You'll notice if you look in your journal That I'm an unfinished quest I'll be here When you need me And when you find my brother Sheldon Is there by any chance an exact mark On the map where her brother is? When you need me and when you find my brother, Sean. Is there by any chance an exact mark on the map where her brother is? She says, good night.

And then all of a sudden, cuckoo, the Sean quest comes up. And it shows up in your map. Perfect. Now we know where to go. All right, let's rest. Rest. Before we speak to anyone else. Yeah, before. Or take on any more freelance work.

Put our jackets up over our heads. Like we're witnesses in a mob trial and just force our way through the bar up to our rooms. Photos, no photos. You rest. You go to bed. And you wake up. And you're fifth level. Oh!

Cha-ching! Slow played it You You've earned it Slow rolled it Nice Level five That's how much shit we got done last month That's wild

Yeah Ten hours when we actually focus and play We get a lot done A whole level Whole level Let's talk about it quick Because I want to get to the action Tell me the nuts focus and play. We get a lot done. A whole level. A whole level. Let's talk about it quick because I want to get to the action. Tell me the nuts. Tell me the bolts. And then, as is tradition,

we will roll hit points live. It's been a while. And Glass Cannon Live rule is if we roll the same number, whether it's good or bad, we re-roll. Great rule. Reverse.

Great rule. Great rule. Matthew, tell us about a level five Sir Julie. Let me guess. Little paladin rogue. Yep. How did you know?

No, I stayed paladin. Sir Julie now has sneak attack. With her greatsword. Shining golden armor. Full plate armor. Flank with me! I don't think they see me. Shut up! Sir Julie

gets a little divine bond at fifth level. Oh, that's big. With my weapon. So what does that do? It just bathes it in holy light? at fifth level. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's big. With my weapon. I have to take it with my weapon. So what does that do? It just bathes it in holy light? It does become bathed in holy light and it gives it a plus one enhancement.

Awesome. Nice. What is your main weapon? What is it? A great sword. Oh, yes. The sword of Saturday. A plus one great sword of Saturday.

Anything else cool, worth a damn? Well, I was looking for feats. Okay. Because I get a feat. And I was leaning towards Cleve. Should Sir Julie go to Cleve with it? Should we go to Cleve?

Except then Joe was like, why don't you take Furious Focus? And I was like, oh, I'll look into it. And then we were sitting here during soundcheck, and I was like, this feat is amazing! And Joe was like, yeah, it's kind of a power gamer approach. Trying to shame me out of it. And then just now

I was like, I'm not going to be shamed out of power gaming by Joe O'Brien. So I took Furious Focus. Yes! So good. O'Brien be damned! To back Joe up, I have furious focus on Dracius So it's perfect

Checks out Anything else cool? It's a D10 for HP Oh, first die roll of the night First die roll Last cannon laugh This is huge For you especially

D10. D10. Okay. What'd you get? Five. Six. Okay. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Okay. PFS legal level up. Skid. What'd you get? I got my fifth level feat, which I took a craft wand, which I figured. Because we're always running around buying cure light wounds. I want to save a little cash there. So I can do that.

I can make those myself. I like that. Mostly that's about it, except I got another spell and I took bull strength, which I intend to be casting on Sir Julie over there quite often. Another extract. But the big thing is that my bombs go from causing 2d6 plus 5 to 3d6 plus 5 damage. A lot of d6 damage fans in the crowd. What's your HP?

My HP right now is... No, I mean your die. Oh, it's eight. D8. All right. Let's see if Skid's going to have a happy night or an upset night. Let's see if we're going to lose Skid or keep Skid. Oh, man.

Two. Eight. Oh! Yeah, buddy! Oh, man. Two. Eight. Oh! Yes! Yeah, buddy! Oh, God, that makes such a difference. Nobody deserves it more than you, buddy. Atticus Grimm, little Elder Mythos scholar wizard.

Level five's a good level for a whiz. Sure. Yes, it is. You get third-level spells, which is great. You leave Acid Splash behind and your crossbow and you get Cassie. Yeah, I've had my complaints about the Elder Mythos Scholar, but there is a very cool thing at fifth level. You always get two new spells,

but an Elder Mythos Scholar automatically adds two additional spells to their spell list and it has everything to do with the Elder Mythos, the creatures of the Elder Mythos. I automatically for free get Sea Invisibility and Invisibility Purge. You get Sea Invisibility? That's huge!

Yeah. Huge. That's huge. So that is, and that's just free, which is awesome. The two I took that I chose, I'm not going to say. When they come up, they'll come up. And, okay, so then I had to choose a feat. And I was torn between a couple classics.

You got combat casting. Can't go wrong. Can't go wrong. I was looking at greater spell focus to try to increase the DCs of my illusion spells. I had never done that before. Skid was like, ooh, I like greater spell focus. Increase those DCs. Matthew was known amazing caster.

He was like, gotta go combat casting. And I went one way, which was the Matthew way, but now I'm not doing that. Because he was a dick. So I'm going greater spell focus. Wow!

Let's trick those foolish enemies. My logic was that he is most miserable when a sucker save spell that he casts sucks. So reducing the chance of it sucking is going to make everyone's life better. It is a feat that while only a small increase does increase the chance of a Troy failure directly. Yes. It's a feat I have to take. I got to take it.

Your logic is sound. I just can't wait until you have to roll a concentration check. Yeah, I know. Then I'm gonna regret it. I can't wait till my first nat 20 on your spell set. I know. But you know what? Let's roll some HP. What is it? D4? D6. D6. Alright.

Here we go. Let's go. Okay, four. One. All right. I'll take it. Kick around. I'll take it. Kick around with a four.

Grant Berger, Halster Price, War Priest. You stay with War Priest? Stay with War Priest. It's already diluted character class. You can't really multi-class with it as well. It would be interesting, but then I'd die. But you'll find a way to kill me. You could do that War Priest occultist.

Yep. Very popular on the boards. No, I stayed war priest and I got an extra D6 on my channels and fervor, my blessing to heal myself. Huge.

Keep this shitty party alive. I took a feat to get an extra channel because I only had two so that'll give me three chances to heal everyone up a day. Great feat. And I wanted to ask you

live on stage. Oh, damn it. Because I only had two, so that will give me three chances to heal everyone up a day. And I wanted to ask you live on stage. Oh, damn it. Because I've been using – is it Red Destiny? Is that the name of my plus two? Yes. I've been using that for so long, I thought it would make sense to retrain my weapon focus in Kukri to short sword. And it makes sense because I've been using it for several levels. I thought it was a long sword.

Is it a long sword? No, it's a plus two short sword on my sheet. And it would allow me to use sacred weapon along with it, which would increase the die from D8 to D10 as I attack. Oh, wow. So we're going to rest for five days. Because I like you. Yeah.

And because it's the return of the tour. I'm going to give it. Yeah. Stand up and walk, Grant. I've been healed. I've been healed, brothers and sisters. I've been retrained. I've been retrained.

What kind of die are we rolling for each puzzle? D8. D8. Okay. I've been retrained. What kind of die are we rolling for each puzzle? D8. D8. Okay. I got one of those. Somewhere? Waiting for you. Okay, here we go.

We haven't had a match yet. Two. Seven. Yeah! Bam! Prop, prop. All right. Love it.

Love it. I can't help but notice I still have charisma damage from that fight yesterday. Yeah. Did we have any ability to heal that before we went to bed? Not before we go to bed, but I can memorize Pray to Farazbo to give me lesser restoration. And I can cast it three times a day. That will totally wipe out my level two spells for the day, but I can heal three of us in that regard. Don't bother on me.

I've only got one damage after resting, so use that on me. You all look ugly. It manifests as like a black stain on your skin where it looks like you have a festering wound where she touched you. Because her hand

almost went through you, through your armor. And when you take off your shirt to shower at the hotel, you see there's just a black wound there that's like pulsating. And it's starting to crawl up your neck to your face. But this isn't a modeling show. You've got to fight some bad guys.

So is your plan to go to Fort Hale course? Yeah. Yes. Is it a modeling show? It is a modeling show. Grant is wearing a casual shirt and pant combo. Grant bought that shirt today, in fact. Yeah, you're very jealous of it.

I know. It's beautiful. Yeah, you grabbed it before I could. I wanted, it's beautiful. Yeah, you grabbed it before I could. I wanted that shirt as well. Well, fuck me then. What do you guys want to do? It seems like Fort Halecourse is the place to check out. Even Cesedia Rance from the Sleepers Detective Agency was like...

Fort Halecourse is the place to be. Fort Living is the life for me. Ford Living. Accuser Omari went there and never returned. And the reason Cesedia told her to go there instead of Iris Hill

is because she suspects the Count was doing some shady shit with the money. With the money. Follow the money, skit. Yep. So she went there and never returned.

So you're like, you know what? We're going to check that out. So do you go there? Yeah. You wake up. That's how they got Capone. Follow the money. Follow the money.

So you go there. You walk outside, newly fifth leveled. And it's rainy. It's storming. Joe, give me someed, and it's rainy. It's storming. Joe, give me some storm. Got it, buddy. I want to feel it. I want everyone to close their eyes and feel like it's raining.

That's nice. Hope you brought an umbrella. You make your way to the fort, and it's really coming down by the time you get there. Let's go to the map of Thrushmore here so you kind of see what you're dealing with. You guys are over near the silver wagon stain, John. Oh, we're close by.

Yeah. Oh, it's right there. It's right there. Really couldn't be closer. And so it's a short walk, but it's pouring out. You get there, and you see Fort Hill course. The main area looks to be about 20 feet high. There's five round towers encircling it.

And the donjon, the inner tower, looks like it goes up another 20 feet. So the donjon goes up to 40 feet. You look up there, and it looks like maybe one or two of the towers are manned right now. You know that they're under manned because people left after they stopped getting paid. But you do see the tips of swords and the tops of bows

and the dipping in and out of view. It's high up there. The only entrance you can see is a set of 10 foothigh double doors located on the south side of this large stone building. Tarnished brass knockers carved into the shapes of perching birds hang on the doors, and the hatch for the spy hole remains shuttered.

What do you do? We knock on the door. Yeah. Actually, why not? We use the knockers. It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon from the castle of Camelot, king of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons,

sovereign of all England. England. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Nothing. But yet you persistently continue to knock. And then eventually, the spy hole opens. Ooh.

Revealing a harried-looking woman. She's like, yes? Can I help you? Hello. You're clearly harried, so I won't waste your time. But my companions and I, we would seek entry to Fort Hell... Hell... Hellcourse. Hellhound? Hellcourse? Hellcourse, to Fort Hellcourse.

Hellhound? Hellcourse? Hellcourse, yes. Hellcourse, please. I apologize, but I'm under strict orders not to let anyone in the fort. Magistrate Padgett gave me the command before he departed. Only an order from Count Lowes himself

could supersede that. Oh, well, we were sent by Count Lowes himself. In fact that. Oh, well, we were said to are Count Lowes himself. In fact, he told us to let us in and give us really good food and towels. And tell us everything you know about the Royal Occuser. Yes, almost forgot about that. Thank you, Sir Julie. Do you have any sort of documentation from the Count?

No, it's raining so hard that he said any documentation would give us a problem to get wet and soppy in the rain. So he said just go and make your best case. I can't let you in. I'm sorry. It sounds like you're lying. I'll be honest, it sounds like you're just lying. So I can't let you in. I shall tell the truth. I am a knight of the Dawnflower, and I cannot lie.

These fellows are in the service of Count Hazard's vows. They just have amnesia. Right. So I was lying about remembering that this is what he wanted us to do, but it could very well be true. You can't deny that logic.

I... I don't understand the logic. Well, amnesia means you forget things. I understand that. They work for Count Hazard and Louse. Right. But you have no documentation to prove it. Listen, I understand that everyone

is on edge here in town. People are going missing, but I just don't have the manpower to spare, so I don't know what it is you want. All of the mercenaries here have defected, and it's just myself, along with a few retainers here left in the fort. I don't know what you want.

We are here to discover the whereabouts of your Count and your Magistrate. They're both missing. You know the Magistrate has left. How long ago did he leave? Three weeks ago, a month. A month.

You think these orders still stand now? Don't you think that there is some risk here? I'm just the constable. It's my job to listen to my superiors. And he told me not to let anyone in, and I can't let anyone in under any circumstance. What? Of the royal accuser. Royal accuser?

Yes, yes, the royal accuser came by as well, but royal accuser or not, I could not let them in. Send them on their way. You're currently unable to send out any protection for the city because you're unable to pay any mercenaries. Is that correct?

Yes, that is correct. How much longer do you think you'll be kept with coin in your pocket if Hasterton is not found? Who better than the four of us to find him? Have you had any other prospects better than we? I say let us in, or else you might not be able to feed your children on the morrow. Oh, snap. Damn. I don't have any children.

Well, tomorrow you might. Yes. And how would you feed them? Can you take that chance? I can't let you in. I'm sorry. I've been spending many a sleepless night worrying about this as well. I've even sent carrier pigeons out seeking reinforcements, but no one's replied. I wish I could help you, but I can't.

Your reinforcements have arrived, have they not? She says. I'm taking care of it the best I can. Why don't you go talk to the sleepless agency and see what they're doing all about this? And she slams the keyhole. So scary. Well, it looks like we're sneaking in.

Yes. Right. Run this way. There are arrow slits. Yeah. Windows up, but, like, you see the arrow slits Windows up You see the arrow slits What about a grate of some kind Somewhere along the entrance

I would say you probably cased the joint When you came in you only saw this entrance You don't see any grates Seems to just be this This door The arrow loops The windows have bars on them At least on the ground floor.

What about banging on the door? She done? Bang on the door, no answer. It's a huge perimeter. And they're under man. And they're under man, so we could probably sneak them in a lot of places. Can we do a survival check around the edge to look for some means of ingress? Sure.

Okay, here it comes. Fifteen. Is it fifty? Fifty? Fifteen. Strange check in the first place. I mean, if we're using heal to see if people can get paintings. What about Dungeoneering?

You can roll Dungeoneering. I don't have it. Okay. Try a heal check. I do, sorry. I was drinking for the night. Oh, 14. Yeah.

It looks like this is the only way in. You think, like, a small creature might be able to squeeze through the arrow loops, but, like, even that would be hard. Like, mechanically, escape artist check, really difficult escape artist check. Do you think the front door is the only way in? Could a summoned creature be commanded to open a door on the other side for us?

I wonder if you need line of sight. You know what you could do is you could actually peek into the arrow loops, see into there, and cast. Yeah, I would allow that. What kind of creature would you summon that has opposable thumbs to open a door? I would say a... A horse.

A horse, yes, of course. A horse is a horse, of course, of course. Well, that's a horse of a different color. It sure is. Huge. Nobody gets to see the wizard. Not in no way, not no how. I mean, it would be a velociraptor if it was on the list, but it's not there. We're a little limited.

An ant. Oh, a small elemental. Yeah, they have hands. Yeah. Small air elemental could, like like lift up the latch. I'm down for some fun if that's what you want to try. Fun drive activated.

Choo choo choo choo choo choo choo. Uh, you could also break the door down or try to unlock it. But you don't really know what you're up against. She seemed very angry. What would it take to break the door down? Just hack away at it, break to see, but like if you

say that's what you want to do, then it would just take time. Let's try the summon monster route first. Let's try that. Alright, I was hoping the summon monster would be another meat shield for us during a battle, but let's do it. So Houser concentrates and for the first time he pulls out of the air,

and the spiral scarified to the back of his head blows, if you were to look at it, and he pulls out a small air elemental that he just eyeballs on the other side of the air loop or a crack in the door. Yeah. So air elemental appears, and you can really just see its shape

through this loop move back and forth. Within seconds of it appearing, you hear this ROAR! S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S- Sounds like fighting is happening on the other side of the door. Can we see, like, figures approaching the air elemental? You do.

You see, like, they look like soldiers attacking. Wow. On the other side. Roll for initiative. Oh, no! Oh, no! Roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, roll for initiative!

What is going on here? What is going on here indeed? You know what? Let's go to the map. Let's go to the map. Let's go to the videotape. Please tell me you can see this map. Yes. Zooming out. Yes!

I would have thrown my laptop into the crowd. So where are we? We were at the door, right? You're at the door, so place yourselves near the dough. Are these new Johns? Yeah. Oh, yes. Big shout out to our resident artist, Angeline Babcock.

She does the posters. She made new pawns. Wow. Nice job. Oh, She made new pawns! Wow. Nice job. Oh, I love it. I love it! Look at these pawn johns. Here's a... Pawn john. Pawn john. There's the new elbow. Oh, my God.

Look at that. Pretty cool. Here's the new Atticus. Oh. Yeah! Mouse in the house. Spellbook McGillicuddy, here's a new house Look how worried he is Look at how scared he looks For the first time ever

Oh yeah That's so good Thank you Angeline Thank you Angeline She is the best Yeah so see this little loop right here? You're looking through there, and you see

a battle going on with these soldiers who let out this sort of monstrous cry, and you're air elemental. What did everyone roll? Aldo. Aldo got a 25.

Wow. 25. Holy shit. Nice. Sir Julie? Sir Julie rolled a natural 20. Oh, yeah. 421.

Atticus, 24. Whoa. Wow. Halster Price. Whoa. Wow. Halster, Christ. 20. Wow. All 20 plus. Man.

You all rolled over 20, and your elemental will go on your turn. Toin. Toin. Toin. Toin. Toin. On your toin, see? So this is interesting.

Your elemental is in there, but I'm going to say you can't see what's going on there, but I'll let you attack with it when it's your turn. It starts off as Aldo's turn. Aldo, what are you doing? Aldo. Oh, man. Aldo's going to hold because I can't do anything, really. Yeah, I could conceivably, but I don't want to.

What's fun is when I plan and plan and plan, and then you send an elemental through an arrow loop. I don't know what we're supposed to do. You literally said at our meal today. This is the only way in. This is the only way in. And then at our dinner today, you said, I'm prepared for anything. You did say those exact words.

We started naming crazy things we could do, and you're like, you could do that? Yeah. Let's discover this together. So Aldo's going to hold. What about Atticus? Atticus. Billy. Joe.

I have a question. I'll allow it. Billy. Joe. I have a question. I'll allow it. In our brief flashes of memory, dreams, the horrors, did we ever have any memory at all of the Count?

Of ever seeing the Count or hearing the Count, ever? No, not as of yet. He has not appeared in any of your visions, even as like a veiled figure or a distant voice. Okay. I will hold. Okay. Delay.

Oh. I'm sorry. I never said it before, so I will cast Mage Armor on myself. Okay. Mage Armor? Yes. Sir Julie. Sir Julie will draw her greatsword and begin hacking at the door. Okay. May I draw a card? Yes. Sir Julie. Sir Julie will begin and will draw her greatsword and begin

hacking at the door. Okay. Power attack. Power attack. You hack at the door. I'm going to say, just for the sake of keeping things popping, that door's going to come down in the next round because you're a badass and you're very strong. Okay.

Sir Julie! What is the AC and HP situation for your air elemental? AC 17 HP 13. So one of the soldiers in there goes to strike and misses the air elemental.

Is it flat-footed though? Because I haven't acted yet, so it hasn't acted yet? It hasn't acted, right. But now it's your turn. Okay. So you've got a couple options in here. You know there are two soldiers coming up to this air elemental. You could defend, attack, or try to go for the door.

Your air elemental can see that there's just a bar that could be lifted. Okay, so the air elemental has 100 feet perfect fly speed. Small room. Yeah, it should be able to move in any way to avoid any future attacks or opportunity and then it's going to reach over

and lift up the bar. Alrighty then. Let's see what we see inside this room. Room? Shut up. Shut up. Oh, okay. Shut up Oh

Okay When the door Is Unlocked You see that these Mercenaries They're Moving in a strange way

And it's probably because Their face looks like This What? Oh no Are they zombies Or lizards or something? What the hell

What is this woman doing? You do not see the woman anyway. Oh, I wonder if she was something. Oh, yeah, it's like an illusion or something. Interesting. Trying to put the air element. The magical defense of the fort. Not showing up.

She's the... That's your elemental. She's the emergency medical hologram of the fort that's been activated. State nature of your martial emergency. So this is your air elemental. This is the only pawn I could find. Okay. There he is.

Yeah. Wow. Michael Crichton filmed Sphere. Intimidating. Why did you think a balloon would stop them? Shut up. That's why. Halster, you still have your turn.

Yes. I'm going to say that the air elemental standard action was unlock it, and then the move action was to push the doors open. Okay. I don't want to see how distracted they get by it, but Halster's just going to move right up in there, back to back with his new best friend.

No! Don't say that! You'll hurt my feelings! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I will swing out at this one right in front of him. Okay. With a sacred weapon bonus. Sacred weapon? So the short sword is empowered even further to do 1 DJ damage.

Let's see what it gets. 19 to hit. Ooh! 19 hits exactly. Oh, nice. Oh, good job, Halster. 10 points of piercing damage. 10 points of piercing damage with a plus two short sword? Correct.

That fucked him up. Can I do a knowledge religion check on these things? Sure. Here it comes. Eighteen on the die for a twenty-four. Twenty-six. Alright, so these are creatures

known as juuju Zombies. Oh, my God. These go back to Fiendfolio. These were Fiendfolio, first edition AD&D. This is one of the creatures that the British produced. And you know what's funny is the Revenant you fought. That was also in Fiendfolio. That's also Fiendfolio.

Yeah, these are Juju Zombies. They are... You rolled pretty high. I'm going to tell you right now, they have DR against magic and against slashing. So like DR5 magic, DR5 slashing. So yours was able to get through. But

yeah, these guys are pretty tough. And are they vulnerable to typical things like that are? Yes. Okay, great. Yeah, they vulnerable to typical things that are dead? Yes. So, immune to spells that have fortitude saves. For example, Sir Julie. Wait, they're undead? They're undead.

They're zombies. Okay. Alright, I'm going to go. I'm going to take my turn. Oh, how convenient! So, Aldo is going to swing around behind Sir Julie and he's going to be mixing up

an extract, a potion, like, pop off his bandolier as he's doing it. And he's like, Sir Julie! I want to give you this! And he throws his arm around her throat and, like, reaches out of the round and, like, tries to pour this extract down in her mouth.

Stop fighting me! No, this is good for you. Please, drink it! Trust me! And what mechanical benefits does she gain? Bull strength. Bull strength. Plus four enhancement to strength, I believe. Plus four enhancement to strength for five full minutes.

Wow. Nice. Just run through the entire fort in five minutes. Just hacking everything to death. Okay. Okay. All right, here's what's going to happen now. Do you want to take your turn?

You're still hacking away now. I didn't delay. I ended up casting. Oh, that's right. You did main turn. All right, so the guy next to Halster is going to take a swing at Halster with a long sword. You know what? First show back.

First D20 roll of the night. Let's get Neon Green out. Oh, wow. Hello, old friend. Natural three. Oh, yeah, Neon Green! So he just, boom, swings at you and off of your wooden shield he misses. Let's go to round two.

Now you know what you're dealing with. You're inside of the garrison. What the F is going on with the Juju zombies? Are they related to Juju Schuster-Schmidt? We'll find out after the encounter. It is Atticus's turn. He's creative. Be creative.

This is a difficult situation. I am going to delay. Okay. Let Sir Julie go in and do her thing. Sir Julie. This is a pretty tight situation we got in here. A little tight. Sticky, wicked town.

Sir Julie will say, I'll steer and clear a path. And delay. Okay. Thrilling for a live show. Let's see. Okay. The one next to the air elemental.

He mad, and he swings out with his long sword at the air elemental. Natural fucking eight. Miss. With neon green, which I will put right back here. You think about what you've done! Sorry, I yelled. It is Halster's turn. Halster will take a five-foot

diagonal step backwards and will cast a new spell he's never cast before called Weapons Against Evil. It's evil! Just throwing this out there. That dude is right up in your jaw. Oh, but I'm around the corner.

Sometimes you don't allow attacks from around corners like that. That's fair. Would you approach the bench? I'd like you to roll a concentration check. Really exaggerate a concentration check. Natural two. Yeah, what's the tone? What is it, just my caster level?

If you pull up the spell, I'll tell you. Okay, great. It will be a total of a... There's no way that's a seven. Ten, ten, ten. So you do... Great for a live show, Troy. Sorry.

Sorry. You could have stepped... No, you could have stepped anywhere. No, because Sir Julia was right behind me. That's a bummer. That would have... It would have been great because it would have ignored the DR of evil creatures with DR5 or lower.

That could be the game changer for this TPK that's going to happen tonight. Live in Philly! I know what side you guys are on. Aldo, unless any of the air elemental is going to slam out. Slam!

For a total of a 17, a miss. Big old miss. Sir Julie will act. Sir Julie will act. Go. Sir Julie will move into the room. Do you want to take your attack of opportunity around that corner? I don't like the way you said that.

It's rude. So yes. You want to skip it? I will. But you know what? Give yourself a plus two bonus to your AC. You know what? I will.

Just to be fair. Miss. Hold on. Okay. Whatever. It's miss. All right. Sir Julie will take a big old swing with the great sword.

Power attack. Furious focus. Yes. What you got? Full strength. Furious focus. When did you you got. Furious Focus. When did you get Furious Focus? Just tonight.

Oh my god. That is a 27 to hit. Hell yeah! Oh yeah! Zenzibar! Oh my god! Max damage. Box cars!

Box cars! 28 points of damage. Box cars! Box cars! 28 points of damage. Oh my god! Show me 28 points of damage. Yeah! Yeah! Sir Julie

one shot! Awesome. And they wonder why I delay my action. What a genius. Sir Julie, after you. Wow! Sir Jules! Atticus, do you want to do anything?

Yeah, sure. She is clear to pass. Sir Julie is clear to pass. So I will move in and I will stand here for the inevitable three soldiers that will burst out of the door next round. And I am going to just fire a ray of frost at this guy. Okay. So just a quick

two point Natty19! Oh, there we go. Natty19! Dude. So, yeah. I don't really know what that is. It's 1d 23, right? It's a hit.

Yeah, yeah. So it's just a quick... Sorry. One point of cold damage. Yeah! Got him. Yeah. Zero points of cold damage.

Okay,, do a knowledge check. Try a little knowledge. Knowledge, religion. Let's see what's going on here.

25. They're immune to cold, and because you rolled so well, they're also immune to electricity. Oh, good to know. Okay.

So you got DR5 magic, DR5 slashing, immune to cold, immune to electricity. Right. This guy's got some bad juju. Okay.

So, Julia, I need you to take it from here. Hoster, run away from here. You're useless. Aldo Casimir. Aldo. Aldo is going to run past Hoster, and as he passes, he's going to say, don't worry, you're not useless at all.

Don't listen to him or any other haters. And he's going to run through and post up. He's going to go by this shelf at the far northern side of the room. And he's

going to throw a bomb. Wow. At the Juju zombie. Okay, and are you going to throw a bomb. Wow. At the Juju zombie. Okay, and are you going to try and hit it, which could do splash against Halster? Oh, no, you can avoid that with your new... Yeah, I can exclude all of them. Well, I guess you've thought of everything.

That is a 20 against touch. 20 against touch. 20 against touch. Let me check. Yeah, that's a hit. Yes! It's going to be such good damage. And that's 14 points of fire damage, and he is on fire. Burning alive.

All right, here's the thing. He has energy resistance against fire. Oh, no. Wow, these guys are buffed up. Buffed up. Welcome to book two. So he will take some damage. And as far as where he's not immune to fire,

you got past the energy resistance, and so he is still on fire. But was it 1d6 damage? Yeah. It won't affect him. Yeah, it probably won't. Yeah, it would have to be 2d6, and he'd have to roll well with his fire resistance.

Ten! For real? I would never lie to you. We shall have to vivisect them the old-fashioned way. Here's what's going to happen now. The guy next to the air elemental, he's very upset.

He loved that other warrior that fell. And he cries out, We were to be buried! But it seems in that crying out, it's not just sadness. It's like he's calling reinforcements for his buddies. No! Boom, takes a five-foot step. Cha-cha-cha!

Boom, swings at Sir Julie with a D20 that actually works. Here we go. Longsword up in your face! Natural five! Yeah! Ice cold! Ice cold. Ice cold.

Come on. It's been 16 months. These dice are cold. We haven't played any role-playing games in that entire time. Okay. Let's move on to Halster. Right back to you and your air elemental buddy.

All right. Halster is going to move his air elemental first and take an attack of opportunity while doing so. I can't move him, Troy. If you could move him into flanking with Sir Julie. Okay, a little Sir Julie flank. Diagonal flank zoney on this Juju Zamboni. Okay. He will provoke. Let's see. I haven't been able to hit the broad side of a barn.

Miss. Natural two. Aramelta will miss on this attack, but Hauser will step into the space if vacated to attack himself. Two. Natural two. Oh god, I feel like Joe.

Pasta, get her together. And that's his turn. That's his turn. Sir Julie. Sir Julie. Sir Julie will pivot to the Juju zombie. To the Juju zombie.

And swing with the greatsword. Natty, 14. With flanking, that is a 28 to hit. Oh, yes. A palpable hit. You can't be stopped. 27 points of damage. Oh!

Oh! What? The strength of a bull flows through me. Didn't mean to make it weird. You never should have killed this lady. Still up. What? Oh.

Whoa. Oh, the other one took a big hit before. Okay. Still up. Oh, I don't like that. Still standing. Oh. Atticus.

Ram. Atticus is going to, fearful that these doors might burst open any moment he's going to cast mirror image on himself mirror mirror on the wall create some duplicates I'll get back to you with how many that is

you look like a two I know but I can't remember where I'm at with this level so I'll look it up in a second and then he's going to... Two images, everybody. Aldo, your turn. Okay. Al?

Okay, well, he's going to move. Okay. He's going to move over where this creature was, the dead creature. Okay. You're going to move on to the dead creature's face? Yeah. Okay, rude. Aldo, what are you thinking here?

You guys have the upper hand, but something doesn't feel right. Yeah, there's definitely feels like there's something coming. So Aldo is going to take a five-foot step back and away from the remaining on-fire juju zombie. the remaining on-fire juju zombie, and he's going to pop another extract off his bandolier and drink it, casting shield on himself. Okay.

Drink it. Buff it up. Casting shield at that moment. Shadunk! The door opens up. And there's another one It's right there

Is he in the bathroom? What is that? He's got a newspaper He has tiny penis He has a copy of small He pulls out his bow And he fires it Point blank shot

Edaldo Can I roll above an eight? Here we go. Please don't. Now he's 17. Oh no. This is bad news bears here. Let me tell you about this damage, Aldo,

if that's your real name. Almost max. Now we're getting real here, okay? You've had your fun. 16 points of damage. Oh, wow. Holy shit. 16 points of damage. And then around the corner, another one runs in.

And actually, we'll move up here because it won't provoke from Aldo. And he just comes in with his sword and swings at Aldo! It will provoke from Aldo. You don't have a weapon? I don't have a weapon. Don't touch me. Skip juice! Here we go. Put on a little power attack.

Furious focus. Here we go. Natural one. No! No! Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby. Oh, could you imagine if he gave away Neon Green tonight? Oh, my God. He would lose his mind.

He's seen all of Fort Hale course. Oh, well done. Well, let's... That was a fumble. All right, here we we go let's go with Carlos from Marysville Washington Hi Carlos You out there Carlos

Hyper focused You are so focused on getting that one Perfect hit in that you Tunnel vision and forget everything else around you Opening yourself up to attacks Roll again to hit the target of your attack. What the fuck? What? I took a turn.

Did you look at the crit table? Roll again to hit the target of your attack. If you hit, deal double damage. You cannot crit on this hit. All other enemies that currently threaten you get a free attack of opportunity. What? If no enemies are in range, minus four to AC until your next turn. So he just gets a free swing. What the hell kind of opportunity. What? If no enemies are in range, minus four to AC until your next turn.

So he just gets a free swing. What the hell kind of puzzle is that? I want to roll that natural one. I want that natural one. Thank you, Carlos. Come on. Carlos, what are you doing? And of course it happens to Skip. Like, of course. Finally someone who understands

how crits and fumbles work. What is that? Carlos, this is for you Carlos what the fuck Where did he say he was from He said he was from Marysville Washington Oh yeah great Fuck town The thing is like

Here's the problem Your town is so insignificant I can't even think of a fucking insult for it I've never heard of it. Thanks a lot, Carlos. I hope your mailman forgets where your house is. This juju zombie, with its free attack on its fumble, rolled a natty 18. Give me a fucking break!

This is insane! Which means you'll take another. It's double damage, right? It's double damage. It's double damage. Oh, my God. 20 points of damage. Why am I being punished for your natural one?

This doesn't make any sense. Carlos is the hero we deserve. Dude, this fucking guy. Fuck you, Carlos. Yeah. I hope you're watching on YouTube. He's a cool guy. Cut to exterior. You also have a minus

40 or 80. Minus 40 or 80. Forever. Exterior. Suburban home. Washington. Interior. You just see a guy with his back to the computer typing away at the fumble. He turns, rips off of his mustache,

and it's me. I was Carlos. I'm always Carlos. I'm the Carlos of your dreams and nightmares. I'm picturing Troy Carlos with such a huge mustache. Real comically big. I will say, I am close to dead because of that.

If Aldo does die, I'm going to hunt down Carlos. I'm going to personally murder him. And I'm going to burn down the entire town of whatever town it was that he was from. I can't even remember it anymore. Just a heads up. Are you unconscious and dying? No, I'm six hit points. See, that's even worse.

I know. You're a crit away from a bad situation. I know. All right, so now you've taken out one of the Juju zombies. You've really messed up the other one, but now there's two more. Let's go to the next round. Isn't it great to be back?

It is so good! I'm so happy for all of you. Raza! Halster Price. Halster seeing best friend endangered like this will move through his allies, provoking an attack. I'm sorry. It's the one that Sir Julie didn't kill's

turn. And he will attack. How about one, two, Sir Julie, three, four, Halster. Joe, I'd like you to keep me honest here. Oh, Sir Julie, no! Sir Julie, I'm rolling rocks over here, Sir Jules.

Power attack is on. Natty, 14, 22 to hit. Justin. Oh, no. Oh, man. Everybody's going to die in Philly. That's going to be 15 points of damage, Sir Julie. Okay.

Now you may go. All right, Halster is upset that you didn't include the air elemental in that roll, but it's fine. He'll move out of that place and will probably provoke an attack of opportunity. He will. But you know what? I'll probably miss, right? I did. Maybe you'll fumble and hit him for double damage.

Worst case scenario, I fumble for double damage. Yeah, he missed. Halster will expend a blessing and a fervor to heal best friend for 2d6 times 1.5. Healing. Here it comes.

5. 5. So you get healed for 15 points. Thank you. Best friend! You're my best friend. Do-ga-do-do-ga-do-do-ga-do-ga. Ooh, you make me.

So, Julian. What about the elemental? What? Oh, yes. The elemental will strike and see if you can see anything other than useless. 15 on the die for a 21 to hit. That is a hit. Yes! Four points of slam damage.

That kills him. Yeah! Just now! Nice. Shoulder feels better. Boys. Nice. Shoulder feels better. It's good. I saw the outline of your wiener.

It is Sir Julie's turn. He's probably got a subscription card right now. That is probably the worst thing for these guys to have happened. Because now Sir Julie is going to step through into here to stand between, interpose herself between Aldo. Oh, yes. Yes. That's a hero. Last I checked, that's what total badass is too.

Yes. And the one in the bathroom still has a bow out, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. So I will go after the one to the north. The one in the bathroom still has a bow out, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. So I will go after the one to the north. The one to the north! The one to the north! The one to the north!

Oh. Natural three. Oh. That's a 15. 15 is a miss. Smart, though. Minus 4 AC. With a minus 4,

that puts their AC at exactly 15. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. Carlos is safe. Rip that mustache off. Yeah, Carlos. In a Miller Lite. Carlos rips his other mustache off, and it's Matthew.

What is this movie? 25 points of damage. Yeah! Matthew, quick question. 25 points of damage. Yeah! Matthew, quick question. Everybody's wondering, are you having fun playing a paladin? I like to swing and hit things. Yeah.

Makes the game really smash. She's doing the same thing back to them. She's like... She sounds just like them in Aldo Throws a Bomb at Sir Julie. Hello. Kevin Kastrup, everybody. People about. Now you might be thinking to yourself, Oh, Kevin, great agent.

Just coming here to give us some beers. No. Well, yes, he is a great agent. And yes, he did give us beers, but he also gave me this note. Because I got so fired up during my opening, I forgot to make this very important announcement. Breaking news? Do we have the breaking news music?

No. Play the recap music again. Breaking news music? No. Play the recap music again. Breaking news music? We are coming back to Philly December 10th! Yeah! Christmas in Philly! We're coming back! Woo!

Go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go! We're coming back, baby! Yes! We're coming back. Break! Yes! We're coming back. Break out your ugliest Christmas sweater. It's the Christmas Spectacular all over again! Yeah!

Sir Julie, you really took a bite out of that guy's crime, but he is still up. Atticus. Oh, man. I had plans, and then Sir Julie interposes herself. So brave. So selfless.

I think that's a John Lennon quote. I didn't think it was. I'm going to delay. Oh, come on. Chill. Yeah, I'm just trying to think. He doesn't deserve it. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I have an idea. Do these... So I rolled a knowledge check. I rolled a 25, I think. Okay. Are these considered mindless undead? Are these zombies mindless undead?

From what I remember from first edition AD&D, I don't think they are. But I might be wrong. Okay. Yeah, no, they seem to be pretty with it. Pretty with it? Yeah. Like, they've had some? Yeah. Like they're... They've had some bad rolls, but they're tactically

sound. Okay. I'm gonna save it for now. I'm gonna delay. Okay. Aldo Casimir. Aldo Casimir is... was on death's door because of a man

in Washington. And was healed a little bit because of the man next to me. He, yeah, there's so little he can do. You're in a dangerous position. Okay, he is going to roll to potion make defensively. Try to deliver an extract another extract to Sir Julie. Okay. I'm sure you have the rules in front of you.

I sure do. I sure do. Okay. I think you're talking about Oh, that is a 24. What did you roll? Just cast your level check.

Yeah, cast it. It was a 15 on the die. It's a plus 9 to cast defensively against DC 19. That's fine. Alright, so he's going to do the same thing. He's going to throw his arms around her neck like he's doing a piggyback.

He says, drink this! And force a vial of cat's grace down Sir Julie's throat. Wow. Okay. She is now the sword and the shield. Here's the thing. It's their turn.

This one here is going to take a swing. Oh, God. This one here is going to take a swing. Oh, God. How about one, two, Sir Julie, three, four, Aldo? Joe? Three, four, Aldo. Wait.

I'm going to go. Oh. I'm leaving that roll out there. That's fine. I haven't looked at it. I'm just saying, I'm going to go, and I'm just going to ready an action. What is your ready to action? If it attacks Sir Julie, I'm going to go and I'm just going to ready an action. If it attacks Sir Julie, I'm going to execute my ready action. Okay.

It goes to attack Sir Julie. It's a one. What is your ready to action? I touch Sir Julie and cast Vanish. Oh, whoa. As it swings at her. Whoa. Alright, so 50% miss chance. It swings swings at her. Whoa. All right, so 50% missed chance.

Yeah. Because it swings in that square. Yes. I hate you. Here we go. To hits or jewels? Crack die. Don't like it.

Here we go. Oh. All right. That is going to be a... With power attack, 25 to hit. That hits. Let me get my D1 Hondo. Come on.

Come on. I'll roll right here. 51 or higher. Smashes her in the grill. 60. God damn it. Here comes the pain. I tried. Sir Julie. On the plus side, comes the pain, Sir Julie.

On the plus side, my stealth has gone up considerably. Will your stealth help you against max damage? Oh, no. 17 points of Damagio. Now the one who has the bow trained on you knows that if it fires it will provoke He doesn't give a shit I would like to remind you that power attack is still on

We're all friends here No secrets over here Alright, it's going to hit. Not a natural 20. 24 to hit. Okay. Okay. Unfortunately, I become invisible.

You sure do. But worth it. Worth it. Okay, minimum damage. Oh. 18 points of damage. That's still pretty good. That's still all right.

Not half bad. It fires its longbow at that. That's still pretty good. That's still alright. Not half bad. It fires its longbow at you. Point blank shot. That's a times three crit. Let's bring Neon Green back. Oh dear. Wait, what happened? It fell off the stage, I guess.

What happened? Who fell off the stage, I guess. What happened? Who knows where it is? Show's canceled. We're not coming back in December. Until I get my green bag. Did he take it? Jim, did he take it? I will never talk to you again.

You know what? I don't need it. I don't need it. There it is. Oh, there it is. Oh, look. It mysteriously appeared. Oh, it was my cat.

Shut up. 18. Miss. Yeah! It's because he touched it. Wait. It's Grant. You want him to touch your dice. It's because he touched it. Wait, it's Grant. You want him to touch your dice. It's moist.

It's warm. Sweaty. Might as well have thrown it in the tub this morning. It was the crouton floating in the bouillabaisse. That's so gross A couple things happen It fires at you You swing at it before it can get that bow shot off

It turns over its shoulder And it yells Shades of True Now Another wave may be coming in. It's Halster Price's turn. And your old buddy, the Air Elemental. Oh, the old fan favorite Air Elemental. What's the Air Elemental's name?

Yeah, do we name it? Air Elemental is named American Airlines, the Air Elemental. And it flies direct from Philly to Atlanta. Yes. Every day. There it is. I'd like to welcome our new sponsor, American Airlines. All of our Elementals will be named after sponsors.

All of our elementals will be named after his concerts. So American Airlines is going to fly straight up to the Juju zombie threatening Sir Julie, which I'll have you do on the map and do a slam. 21 to hit. That's a hit. Two points of slam damage. It all gets through. Sir Julie, are you injured?

Yes. Halsher will use a blessing and empower his channel to heal both Sir Julie and Alvin Kessler. Here comes six. Six. Max healing. 18 points of healing goingier. Here it comes. Six. Six. Oh, wow. 18 points of healing going through.

That is huge. Huge. Wow. That is amazing. Wow. You're going to need every last bit of that. Because it is Sir Julie's turn. Great. Sir Julie is going to... Alright, as long as that guy's there,

he's plugging up this doorway. So Sir Julie is going to focus her right, as long as that guy's there, he's plugging up this doorway. So Julie is going to focus her fire on the northern zombie. And take a swing. Power attack shall remain on. That's going to be a 22 to hit. That's a hit. Yeah. Yeah.

26 points of damage. Oh, my God. Prep, prep, prep. Which one are you attacking? The north one. The one in the north. The one in north one. The one to the north. The one to the north. The one to the north.

He's dead. Yeah. Yeah, he is. Obviously. The one to the north. Atticus, you're up. Oh, boy. This is just wonderful, just watching Sir Julie work.

It's amazing. She's good. She is good. I am... I had to ask. I don't want to rub it in her head. How did you deal seven points of damage as a paladin? Oh, pali-shade. damage as a paladin? Oh!

Pally shade. Let's get a couple neutral creatures in here and you get small and a dagger and then we'll see what you do. I haven't used Spite Evil once. Alright. I love when they fight with each other. Alright, I am going to first, I need to say something before I take my turn.

Here we go. Oh, I was going to lay on hands. Oh. That's what I need to say. You need to lay on hands. No. I just wanted to say, because I'm so happy to be back here, I didn't get a chance to talk about how much I love being home.

I just told my story about what an idiot I am and didn't say how happy I am to be home. It's great to be home. And one of the things that I'm reminded of when I'm home is D&D. It's starting to play D&D in middle school and it's changing my life and the friends I made and everything. And the person that introduced me to the game

that had me to his house on the second floor in a small little room where we played Eye of the Beholder 2 and D&D 2nd Edition is here tonight. His name is Brian McDermott. He's one of my best buddies in the world, and he's right there at the bar. McD!

McD! I am not here tonight without him and his family and his dad. It was a great place to learn how to play this game. Thank you, good buddy. And I will delay. You've done him proud. That was a free action.

All right, so Atticus has been delayed, and that would kick it to Aldo. Aldo, under the suspicion that there may be more things coming, whether it's more of these things or something else, is going to do something that he's never done before.

He's a little hesitant to do it. Again, off of his bandolier, he pulls out another vial, a different vial than one he's ever used. And he mixes it together. And with his hand shaking, he pours it down his mouth. He takes a mutagen. Oh, my God!

And, yeah, he turns into Mr. Hyde. He grows. His form changes. His form, like, changes. His body is jerking. His skin grows these, like, scales on it. And he loses a bit of his mind as he gets plus four dexterity, minus four wisdom, and a natural armor bonus. Oh! Wow!

Awesome! That is cool as shit Alright so Alto just Gets high On his own supply And it is this creature In front of Sir Julie I've already taken one

AOL I'm not going to take it this time Drops the bow Draws the greatsword. Greatsword? Greatsword, you say. Longsword. It's a great longsword. I've never seen it equal.

As far as longswords go. It's so great. He's going to power attack, swing it, and try to permanently kill you. Twenty fucking five to hit, dude. That hits. Sure does. How you feeling there, Sir Julie? I'm better now that my friend

healed me and I laid hands on him. That's gonna be twelve points of damage. Yes, Sir Julie. And then he takes a five foot step out of damage. Mr. Jules. And then he takes a 5 foot step out of view, but not really out of view, like you can see

the way the room stretches up there. You also hear commotion from behind this juju zombie. And so, Julie, from where you're standing,

go ahead and roll a perception check. That'll be a 26. 26. Okay. You don't have darkvision, right? I do not. Okay.

But you know what? It's daytime. They got some windows. They got some arrow loops. You see a little deeper into the room up ahead. And you see three more of these. Oh, no. My God.

Coming straight for you. You know, that would be a great place to stop, right? Call it a night. We're going long! Oh, come on! We're going long! Oh. We're going long! We're going long!

We're going long! We're going long! So good you're lying, cause we're going long! We're going long! We're going long! We love you, Nick Lowe. Thank you, Nick. Make sure you buy a thousand drinks and double tip the bartenders. It is Halster's turn. Halster, Sir Julie, do you say anything to him? Do you see this? Yes. I tell him

exactly what I see. And you are still injured at this point. Yes. Alright, I'm going to regular channel, not use up a blessing at this point. So here comes five to seven points of healing to everyone here. Thank you.

Elemental? Yeah, I'll send the elemental in first. Five to seven points of healing to everyone here. Thank you. And then... Elemental? Yeah, I'll send the elemental in first. So try to take care of the cowardly retreating Juju zombie. And we'll strike out. And miss. And miss. Does the elemental see anything else, perhaps?

The elemental? Oh, wait, perhaps? The elemental? Oh, wait, he moved into there? Yep. Yeah, actually, I will tell you, you see a staircase leading up presumably to one of the towers.

And this is round three or four, do you know? Five. Five? Yeah. Then it'll disappear at the top of the sixth round. Wow. Is it really five rounds?

I'd say it's at least round seven. Okay. Fair enough. Sir Julie, or do you have another action? No, I'll stay where I am. That's the best place to buff everyone. Sir Julie Andrews. We're in a little bit of a sticky wicked

here. Are you brave? I'm brave, but I can't hit it from anywhere. Unless you'll let me hit it around the corner. You know what? I'll let you swing and I'll give it a plus four bonus to its AC. Alright. Power attack.

Various focus. You're going to need power attack? Oh yeah. And I'm going to use my After you roll Yep, I have an ability to do this Cool Cool Great It is a spell

Called fallback strategy Oh, never mind, nope It's goblin press So yeah, that's probably going to miss Oh, never mind. Nope. It's goblin press. So, yeah, that's probably going to miss. It's a 18 to hit. That's a big old miss, Sir Julie. All right, and then Sir Julie will take a five-foot step to the north and say,

Aldo, fire in the hole, perhaps? Well, it is Atticus's turn. Oh, God. Useless. You've got a couple mirror images. You could run in there and take a chance. Do you have any spells that, like, can do damage? Not really.

Nothing that's that significant. And I will lay on him. I will lay on him You will lay on him His turns are getting very Alright Come on Atticus Come on Do it for Philly Do it for Philly

It's just such an awkward situation Alright Can I No No I'm just I'm just going to delay. I'm just going to delay. They're all bunched up. They can't even get by yet, so I'm just going to delay.

Although? They bunched themselves up. You're done. You're done. Your turn's done. I'm a little screwed here, too, because my fire damage won't go through. Oh, right. You've got to hit really hard

to pass the resistance. Yeah, and even if I were to attack them hand to hand, I wouldn't be able to get through their DR anyway. And I'm basically out of useful spells. So, I hate doing this, but I'm just going to delay also. You know what? You've got to do what you've got to do here. This is life or death.

Unfortunately, it is these Juju zombies death. Unfortunately, it is these juju zombies' turn. Now, the air elemental is standing there for one more round, so this guy is going to just swing his great sword at it, or long sword. 22 to hit. Hit. So he does hit it for, oh, a lot of damage, 16 points of damage. American Airlines takes off to the great air elemental graveyard in the sky. Oh, a lot of damage. 16 points of damage. American Airlines takes off to the great air elemental graveyard

in the sky. Oh, no. I will remember you. Will you? We hardly knew ye. Those lyrics really don't... That air elemental lasted five rounds longer than I thought it would. Those lyrics don't kick in as early as I thought they would. Really, it was an incompetent array of zombies

that couldn't even take out a basic air elemental. Well, it's gone now, and it's a new round and it's Halster's turn. Halster is going to hold and stay in this flanking position, hoping to play whack-a-mole with them as they come through the door. They're dead. Alright, you figure this all out? It is Sir Julie's turn.

Sir Julie will ready an action. Cool. Aldo will go now. Okay. Now that he knows what they're planning, he's going to step back, and he's going to draw his sickle. Nice. And Atticus will go after Aldo.

Okay. And he will step back, and that's it. Houser's actually going to ready an action, and that's it. Houser's actually going to ready an action and that's to attack if I see one. As soon as it steps into range I'm going to swing. Yes.

Okay, this guy is going to slide in. No, not that far. He's going to slide in and provoke. It activates our actions. Alright, go ahead. Do He's going to slide in and... Provoke. Well, not provoke, but it activates our actions. All right, go ahead. Do what you want to do. You were hiding behind a dead body.

I didn't see him go for it. Because that way you might be able to save your attack for a healthy one. Come on, baby. Give me a daddy hit with a 22. That's right. I call myself daddy now. Yes. Yeah, don't forget your flanking.

Nine points of damage Piercing Okay You're good Okay, Julie Okay Power text alone 24 to hit

There we go To hit 23 points of damage Oh, yes Put it on the board Put it on the board Dead So Knee Woo And I will lay on hands Put it on the board! Put it on the board! Dead Sony.

Woo! And I will lay on hands. You'll lay on hands. Okay, well here's what's going to happen now. Wait, wait, wait. That wasn't your turn. Yeah, it was. Oh, you read it.

It wasn't an AOA. You read it. Okay. This guy is going to just come running through at Aldo. Have you used your attacks of opportunity yet? No, I have not. All right. Alistair, if you have a weapon, you guys both get to take it.

There we go. Come on. Miss. 29 to hit. Yeah! For Serenrae! Second edition crit. Minimum damage again.

18 points of damage. It's a shame. You hate to see it, right? He is going to swing at Aldo. Aldo's got a bonus to his AC. He's going to swing that old long sword. Almost a crit. That's a 26 to hit.

That just hits me. And he hits me exactly. I forgot. That's the way he rolls, man. 12 points of damage. Oh, I forgot. I thought you were joking. That's the way he rolls, man. So brutal. 12 points of damage. Oh, my God. And then another one slides down to, you know, actually, he will slide right in. Let's get a party going here.

And it's going to swing at Halster Price. Does that provoke? No. We could hit them around the corner. Do you have combat replacements? Yes, I do. Oh! It doesn't.

It doesn't. It doesn't provoke. Why? Because you can't provoke when you have cover. You can't AOL when they have cover. Thank you. Joe O'Brien, everybody. It's going to swing at Halster with its long sword and miss Halster.

Okay. And then the last one will come sliding down, and, like, it's almost impossible to take a bow shot. So he's just going to wait there, and it is Halster's turn. All right, Halster's going to take advantage of this flanking and attack. Come on, Nathie. 20, not a Nathie 20, but a 26 to hit. Nice.

That is a hit. Beautiful. For seven points of piercing damage. There we go. Okay. Chip, chip, chipping away. This could get ugly. Just so you know.

Sir Julie. Sir Julie is going to swing at the one menacing Aldo. Okay. She doesn't like the look. They shouldn't like what that guy is looking to do to Aldo. He doesn't care for her. So let's just roll. Let's just take him out.

Not a great roll. 18. Oh, no. AC 19. I'm so sorry. If you were swinging at the one right in front of you, you would have hit him with the flanking bone. I was trying to save you. Got to take that flank bone, Aldo.

Well, all right. Aldo is going to take a five-foot step back. Classic. And he's going to say, oh, no, this doesn't. I just hope this hurts you worse than it hurts me. Tosses a bomb. Yeah. Bomb him, dude.

You dropped the bomb on me. You know what would have been a great feat to have right here, Jim? Cleave. Yeah, right here. Oh, yeah. It would be great. Remember at dinner, you were like, Cleave. And I was like, that's actually a really good feat.

This one? That is 16 against Touch against the lead Juju zombie. That is a hit. Okay. And that is 19 points of fire damage. Wow. Totally worth it. All right, so nine get through.

He's messed up. He's messed up. I'm telling you. You do not have this in hand right now. Atticus. Yeah, the rest would take splash damage, but I don't think it would. It doesn't overcome their energy resistance. Right, it has to be over 10.

And he's also on fire, so it looks cool, but it doesn't actually do anything. It's like a stuntman wearing that gel. It's not even hurting him. Right. So that first one that Aldo just hit, Atticus is going to reach out and... Three magic missiles. There we go. Yes!

In perfect position. Roll that damage. Roll that damage. Come on, baby. That's a three. Yeah. That's a three. Yeah.

That's a three. Yes! Twelve points of force damage. Doof, doof, doof. You know, I got glasses, about a year ago. Joe, can you help me read? What does that say right there? It says immune to magic missile.

That's what it says. That's what it says. Is that the most Joe thing of all time? Thank you. I was having trouble reading that. Oh my god. What? It is all of their turn.

One of them five foot steps. Is it going to go after Aldo or is it going to go after Atticus? One to Aldo. Three four against the Atticae., four against the Atticae. Three, four against the Atticae. Best possible situation. To hit, that is going to be a 22.

How many mirror images? Three. So four total Atticae. A four on the D4 hits you. Anything else destroys an image. Two destroys an image. Destroys an image. All right! All right!

Yeah! We got this, buddy. We gotys an image. Destroys an image. All right! All right! Yeah! We got this, buddy. We got this. Okay. This one here, we'll take a five-foot step, and we'll swing at a packet holster, a three on the die. Swings with its long sword,

and 15 is a miss. Yes! The other one slides in, drops the bow as it does so, draws the long sword, and swings at Sir Julie and misses Sir Julie. Yeah, all right, all right. We got this.

We got this. We can do this. Four juju zombies are gone. Three are still left. They're immune to magic missile. They're immune to electricity. They're immune to cold. They have fire resistance 10.

They're undead,. They're immune to cold. They have fire resistance 10. They're undead. So no fortitude saves. Can you survive Halster? Halster is going to swift action cast Divine Favor on himself. There you go. I believe is going to... I'm going to

cast defensively. Here comes a... That is an 11 loses the spell what a bummer he will the only the best course of action he has well the one in the front has sustained the most damage

threatening Aldo right now correct as far as you know yes but the one right in front of you has the best chance to hit it. I know, but I'm going to try to five foot step over and do some more damage to the one threatening Aldo right now. Okay. 16 on the die. That's a hit.

Come on, baby. Max damage. 11 points of damage. Oh, no. 13 points of damage. And it's dead. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. And it's dead. Yeah, dude! Yes!

Two to go! Sir Jules, you're up. Sir Jules! Save us! You took Cleave, right? You took Cleave as your fifth level feat? I did not. It was a perfect cleave opportunity.

Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah, let's not forget you used furious focus in every swing so far. That's been helpful. Has it come up once? Yes, that was the time I hit your AC exactly and killed a creature. Show me what you got, Sir Julie. All right, Sir Julie is going to Spite Evil. Are they evil?

Are they evil? They seem fine. Says chaotic good. Wow. The rebels for the cause. Yeah, no, they're evil. Sir Julie is going to swing at this guy right here in the lead.

This guy for listening at home. Take a five foot step. I don't want to. He says no. Matthew says no. Natty 17. Natty 17. Oh, yeah.

All right. Is it 33 to hit above their AC? Yes. I don't care for your tone. 29 points of damage. Oh, my God. Yes. Against which one?

The one in the front. In front of Halston, right in front of Halston. He's dead. Yeah! And now Sir Julie will take a five-foot step and stand directly in front of the last one. Oh! Yeah!

Have you issued a challenge to this Juju zombie? Flavor check. Aldo, what do you do? Man, Aldo is just so smitten with Sir Julie right now. Seriously, just in awe. He's just more hero. He's like, oh, shakes himself out of it, throws a bomb over her head at the other zombie. Lofts it over her head.

over her head at the other zombie. Lofts it over her head. That is a 20 to hit against Todd. Even with Sir Julian in the way, that is able to loft over her and land on the zombie. Okay. Okay. All right.

And that is 18 points of fire damage. All right. Eight sneak through. Atticus. Magic missile. You're the worst!

I'm just going to delay. Give the people what they want! That's Sir Julian House to finish this Sir Julian who knows what this creature was in a past life maybe he was one of the actual mercenaries turned on dead no juju zombie maybe he was summoned here maybe

he just was in the wrong place at the wrong time but he looks at you standing there mano a mano and just takes his sword, swings it right at your face. Power attack is on.

20 to hit. Miss. Yeah! Suck it, LeBatic! Whoa! Clangs off her armor, as Joe likes to say. Halster. Feeling good about this roll, Troy.

Yeah. I'm feeling it. You're due, dude. Show me what you got. I feel critical about this roll. Here comes a 12. It's still a hit, though, with a 21. Yeah.

21's a hit. All right, here comes the damage. That is going to be 10 points of damage. 10 points of damage all get through. Yeah! And it comes back to Sir Julius. Come on. Sir Julius!

I borrowed this die from the merch store because I forgot my dice at the hotel. So let's see what it can do, shall we? Living on borrowed time. 90-15. Yes! 27 to hit. That is 23 points of damage.

Two things happen. Two very, very important things. Sir Julie strikes this juju zombie with her magical greatsword, and he falls to the ground. Yeah, yes, yes. And as he's gasping for life in his undead state,

he throws his helmet off. And he pulls his face back. And it's Carlos. We'll see you in D.C. We'll see you in D.C. in two days. Two days. Carlos. I love you, Philly.

It was Carlos. I love you Philly Outro Music