The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 23 – You'll Never Be a Knight!

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Boston's hometown hero Troy Lavallee returned to his old stomping grounds for another hot night in Beantown as the party got more than they bargained for in the dungeons below Fort Hailcourse. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/0u5-nlQT1as Recap 15:30 Gameplay 22:34 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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My home! What is up, Beantown? I'll tell you, I love New York. I've lived there for 20 years. I love it. It has a special place in my heart. I love going to L.A. Always feel nostalgic about the Hollywood life I imagined I would have. I like going to LA Always feel nostalgic About the Hollywood life I imagined I would have

I like going to Chicago Visiting the pristine streets of Chicago Eating deep dish But there is nothing Like coming home to Boston I like coming home to Boston because it's the only city where people listen to me talk and they're not like, oh, he's an asshole.

Instead, they're just like, oh, he's from here. He's one of ours. He sounds like my cousin. You know, it wasn't until we became a global phenomenon that I realized people don't understand how people from Massachusetts talk. They just think we're jerks. Every week I'll see some Rhodes Scholar on the internet

complaining about me. I saw one the other day. Someone wrote something. They were like, I'm trying so mean. I assume this is what they talk like. Be such a jerk. I'm never listening to this show again. And it takes all my power

not to be like, hey, thank you for the comment. And go fuck yourself. And the thing is, the reason I don't do that is because it would prove their point. But what they don't realize, that's a term of endearment in Massachusetts. Being mean is how we

show love. They tell someone to go fuck themselves after they propose out here. Say, hey, Claire, I love you. You're the love of my life. I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me? Go fuck yourself. me? Go fuck yourself

Go fuck yourself Tears Go fuck yourself Sully Go fuck yourself Of course I will Go fuck yourself People will whisper this On deathbeds

As the life is fading From their loved ones eyes They'll lean over and whisper Go fuck yourself And then the dying person Will look back Just as the light fades From their eyes one's eyes, they'll lean over and whisper, go fuck yourself. And then the dying person will look back just as the light fades from their eyes and be like, your mother's a whore.

It's like saying I love you while also just slapping somebody on the balls with the back of your fingertips. That's how we do it. I don't know if it's the cold weather or growing up rooting for the pre-04 Red Sox, but we are a hard people.

To the uninitiated, the uninformed, we're just a heaping pile of ball-busting dicks. But to anyone who knows us, we are salt of the earth. We're hard-working, and we would give you the shirt off our back and iron it for you. You've never ironed anything for me.

Well, if I did, I would. I would take it off, I would give it to you, and then I'd slap you in the balls while you were putting it on. While you were stretching out the neck hole with your fat, gross rhino neck. That's love. Was that a term of endearment?

Yeah. Sure. Yeah, because wait a minute. Sometimes it isn't a term of endearment. That's what's really hard to figure out. Yeah, sometimes the internet has a point about you. We're going to have some fun tonight. Folks,

it is good to be back. I want to take a moment to introduce you to four gentlemen who put the pro in barely proficient. My first player this evening has been called a modern-day Tennessee Williams. By literally no one ever. Matthew Kapanikas, everybody! Matthew, you've been flicked on the nuts by my words a few times in our day,

but I always feel like we bond on our Boston trips because it's become a tradition now that we stop at Treehouse Brewery on the way in. And I feel like it's really, now we share a common love of beer snobbery. Yes, I am but the student in these matters. We just show up at places and I say,

Troy, Troy, what do I get? And I guess in the spirit of that shirt off your back ironing thing, he tells me. That's called love. Ladies and gentlemen, the Chiefs, excuse me, the Celtics had the Chief, Robert Parrish. The Red Sox had Big Papi.

We have a man with all that size, but none of that pesky talent to get in the way. Great burger, everybody. Grant took a leisurely bike ride to fucking Foxwoods today. Where did you go? I went to a tiny island like 18 miles away. I don't know. Nagantz? Nahant. He went to Nahant. Is Nahant in the house?

Nahant? No. No, because you can only get there via bike, evidently. Now that you're clean and sober, have you ever thought of approaching a hobby casually? No. No. No. No.

The fervor and desire with which I threw myself at drinking, I now throw myself at the bike. We have a lot to learn. And I got to say, I went the wrong way down a bridge today, and I got a lot of go fuck yourselves. And I have to assume the cement truck driver loved me. He did. He did. Especially when he saw you in that outfit. I'm sure. Super tolerant.

Nice leotard, bro. Grant, it just seems to me there's a lot of equipment involved in cycling. I just thought it was just the bicycle, but there's just a pile of stuff in your car every time we get on the road. The shoes, the lights, the bike tool, the GPS. Yes.

Yes. Yes, Matthew. It's like any nerd hobby, man. You got to go all in, and there's a million accoutrements to go with it. We don't know how to do anything halfway. No. We couldn't even just make one podcast. Wish we did.

Ladies and gents, on the ones and twos this evening, on the rare occasion his aging brain remembers to hit his drops, Mr. Skidmore! Skidmore! Skin, you old draft dodger. How the hell are you? You love Boston. Great. I love coming up here.

This is sort of home for me, too. I feel like George H.W. Bush. I have residency status in seven different states. Massachusetts is one of them. I went to college here and I've spent a lot of my life in Boston and I just love coming back

and I love coming here. I love coming to the Paradise. This is my favorite venue that we play at. I love it here. And this is the, correct me if I'm wrong, but Joe, you told me this is the first show back at the Paradise since COVID? Is that true?

Thank you, the Paradise. Give those bartenders 300% tips tonight. Tip the security guys. Tip everybody. Folks, he's out of shape. He's balding. He drinks too much and he hates himself. He is truly one of us.

He wasn't born here, but he'll always be an honorary Masshole. Give it up for Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Yes! Yes! Yes! Boston Joe! Boston Joe!

Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Boston Joe! You guys shotgun Hopoon, right? Austin Chubb! Austin Chubb! Austin Chubb! Austin Chubb! Austin Chubb! You guys shotgun harpoon, right? Oh, God, it burns. That's a waste of a good beer. Half of it's on my shirt. I mentioned that yesterday we went to Treehouse,

and it's the best brewery in the world, for my money. And when you get there, they limit you to two drafts when you're there because they don't want a 300-car pileup as people are leaving after drinking 15 percenters all day. These drafts are precious. You only get two and you want to drink 100 because they're so good.

Joe usually goes for volume over value because he thinks like a poor. I am a poor. But yesterday he decided to get out of his comfort zone and get a fancier beer. He got one that was 12 ounces instead of 16 or 20.

He sat down and immediately spilled the whole thing on his crotch. Grant, can we show them the saddest photo ever? Oh no, no, no. It was so sad. It was so, so sad. And I only feel slightly bad that my first instinct was to go.

Well, can I show you? Can I show you the hot and soul of Boston right here? That's Troy's hand. They're up to totally. I believe I said, go fuck yourself. This man's going to go fuck himself. They said, the treehouse is so cool. They're great.

You go walk back up there and just say, I spilled my beer. I can get another one. Our good friend Jen was like, they're cool here. I walk up and I feel so embarrassed because you have to wedge in between people that have been waiting in line to order. I wedge my stupid fat ass in and I'm like, I'm so sorry, but I spilled an entire King Julius in my crotch. Can I have another one? Dude behind the counter, masked, just goes, let's see it.

Totally deadpan. I step back. I'm like, there it is, man. He's like, you're good. I think we got a shot of that, too. Grant, can we CSI Miami the watch thing? You want to enhance that? Yeah, let's enhance that.

There it is. Oh, God! Is that a cell phone in your pocket? Oh, yeah, there you can see the light. All right. Wow. This is a family show. I feel like there should be another bulge there.

Sad, wet plateau. Show your run of incredible luck on this tour. It continues unabated. I don't even have to write bits. We just record what you do. Actually, we left out one of the key details is that there were a bunch of mosquitoes that were only going after Joe and he was wearing shorts so he was like,

Troy, can I have the keys to your car? I'm like, where's he going? He comes back. He changed into those pants and about seven minutes later spilled his beer. Amazing. It's amazing. Can't write it. Shit. You know what though?

Maybe your luck will show up tonight when it's most needed. Yeah, probably. Most likely. You're the only character that didn't rest before this encounter. I got mad at you. I remember that.

What are you guys most excited for tonight? Those guys are fun. Yeah, they were a good time. I think we were talking about it over dinner last night. We were kind of walking through the story so far. And I'm just really curious I'm really curious to see, watch this mystery unfold. Like, we were trying,

we were like laying down bets about like, Hastert and Laos is like, is this someone we're going to meet at the end of book two? Or is this, I think it's someone, I think he's the boss,

end boss of book three. That's what I think. It was great because I just sat there listening to them come up with ideas. It's fun. Yeah, Skin and I had a deeper discussion today while we were

waiting for you guys for lunch. Because I believe this is only going to get deeper and more complicated in Laos. It's a patsy! Or at least he's a minor player in a much larger plot. Grant, your thoughts on Omus? I'm just excited to kill his dead parents

again. They both were poisoned under mysterious circumstances, and it's time to finish the job. That's what I came to Boston to do. And that's what I plan on doing. Are you popping pills? Yeah, baby. Four milligrams of nicotine.

Quitting smoking is very, very hard. Quitting nicotine is a whole other trip, man. That's our new sponsor, whatever those are. Joe, are you fired up for tonight?

Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you... So here's the other thing. Spoiler. So at dinner, Troy is just...

And we never know if he's just like playing it up because he plays it up for you, but he plays it up for us too, like a totally off camera or whatever. So we're sitting around the table and out of nowhere, he'll just be sitting there and he'll just go, Oh my God, you guys are so fucked tomorrow. And I don't know if he's just like tuning us up or what, but like he said that we're going to see some shit. He was a little behind the scenes. He was consulting David Winters

last night. During dinner, he was like, I have to bring this to David. I have to talk to David. There's some complicated shit coming, it looks like. I'm looking forward to it. Then he just starts laughing maniacally. It's really unsettling.

They're ordering, and I'm just like, I'm going like I gotta call David well I'm excited I forget I kind of black out between shows and during shows sometimes and I forget what's happening and then as I get back into my prep

I'm like oh shit somebody's gonna die in Boston I didn't think that was going to happen, but someone may definitely die, so we should just jump right in. Grant, you don't do anything halfway, and that also

equates to the recap graphic. I haven't seen this. don't do anything halfway, and that also equates to the recap graphic. I haven't seen this. Look at the texture. Nicely done, Grant. The texture. Take that, other people who make graphics. Our heroes are no longer trapped in an asylum

wondering who they are and how they got there. They still don't know who they really are, but they know their names, at least. Aldo Casimir. Halster Price. Atticus Grimm. And their newest and most badass companion, Sir Julie Andrews.

With the exception of Sir Julie, who was this demon fighting crusader, the other three don't remember much about their former lives, but they do know they worked for a man named Count Hasterton Louse IV. They know he's the one that had them committed and they believe he may be the one behind their memory loss. So they come to the city of Threshmore where the count resides to try and find some answers. The count has conveniently left town unexpectedly and abandoned his post. This brought the attention of a royal accuser to Threshmore who came with a retinue of nuns. Because that's what you do when trouble's brewing. You call in the nuns. That's what they did when I went to Catholic school. You met one of these nuns, a woman named Winter Klaxa, who you have not been able to rendezvous

with since you came to town. The owner of the sleepless detective agency tells you that she believes Lowles was taking money from the town coffers to fuel his own strange scholarly pursuits and fled the county after bleeding the town dry. So the royal accuser went to Fort Hailcourse The town garrison and seat of the magistrate The magistrate, oh yeah, he's nowhere to be found as well Maybe he got in the well's way Maybe they were in cahoots

You don't know The detective agency doesn't know either Because the royal accuser went to the fort and never returned People are missing all over town. In fact, a young girl waiting for you outside the inn that you're staying at asked you to find her brother, Sean. And she's just one of many who have reported their loved ones missing. I lost my place

go fuck yourself and isn't it possible that Sir Julie is their grandmother yes no it's not at all possible just

could be it's a mystery story I write the story and it's not the case after spending a couple days in town, you begin to realize after several run-ins with the weird townsfolk that you were not upstanding citizens in your former life, with the exception of Sir Julie. You were lousy thugs. Aldo was going to weird sex parties. Halster was arrested for starting a bar fight.

Atticus killed a guy. I saw that and it seemed like he liked it. And if all this isn't enough, there are these eerie carcosa-like murals all over town and you were almost abducted by cultists of the king in yellow who seem to be using these murals as a town and you were almost abducted by cultists of the king in yellow who seem to be using these murals as a means of travel are they behind the disappearances what does carcosa and hastur the king in yellow have to do with any of this finally you go to fort hale course when the constable won't let you enter you force your way in where you soon realize the few remaining militia stationed there

have been turned into juju zombies I hate it when that happens it's the worst in addition there's a band of amphibian scum holed up within the garrison as well perhaps a simple family band minding their own business on the way to their next gig.

This is rehearsing. I found a great rehearsal space, he said. No one's there anymore. Or perhaps, just maybe, something more sinister. You find an office full of documents where you discover some interesting info. You learn that Laos was sued for never returning a book from Mrs. O'Lady's former bookstore,

Nameless Books, a book called The Revelations of Hali. He was ordered to pay a fine that appears he never paid. Other arrangements appear to have been made. You also read about how Lyle's mother died unexpectedly when her brother pushed to learn more about his sister's death. All he was told is that she perished suddenly of the same disease that killed Lyle's father and was laid to rest beneath Iris Hill in the crypts. But then you learn that a man named Dr. Climes Pratt was charged with treason for poisoning Count Walls III and sentenced to die right here in this fort in his cell. Did the poison kill Hazerton's father or was it the strange disease that claimed his mother? Something isn't adding up. You also find an arrest record for Halster Price.

Who spent a weeping, urine-soaked night. Right here in Fort Hillcourse. Too many ripples. Until he was bailed out by Lahls himself. You're looking around. You find two staircases going up. But you decide to take the one staircase going down where you open a door into a room full of more scum.

Yeah, scum. Boston, are you ready? Let's go! Rover Initiative! Rover Initiative! Let's go! Roll for initiative! Roll for initiative! Roll for initiative! Oh, fantastic. Oh, baby.

Starting with a combat, is there any way better to start a sesh? Nothing better. Nothing better. Let's talk about initiative. Then I'm going to give you a little more details about this room when I choose to reveal it. Aldo. Aldo got a 10.

For Aldo, not great. Not good. Sir Julie. Six. Oh! What have you done? Atticus. 21. Oh, there we go.

This is the inaugural roll of a die I bought today at Pandemonium in Boston. Natty, 14. That's a good start. Good start. It's all downhill from there. Halster Price, 17. But I'm going to go before Joe because I know he's going to hold on his first turn.

That is correct. 21 really gives you the luxury of delaying. Relax. He's going to agonize for three minutes and then he's going to hold. All right, I'm going to reveal the room and then we're going to talk about it like adults. Wizards are hard.

They are. All right, here's the room reveal the room, and then we're going to talk about it like adults. Wizards are hard. They are. All right, here's the room. Sugar, go, ka-choo, sugar, ka-ka-ka. Ooh, that's a nice room. That is, that's a good room. Now, you see a door to the east, but you guys went to the door to the south. You open the door, and right now you see three scum in a room with a passageway leading to the west. This looks like a pantry of some sort.

You see a bunch of wooden shelves stacked with crates, paper-wrapped packets, small clay jars sealed with wax. There's smoked trout and other dried fish hanging from metal hooks fixed to the ceiling, and they're untouched. A number of boxes and containers look like they've been emptied and smashed, and they're just lying in pieces on the floor, along with a few discarded fish bones and other refuse. It looks like the pantry's been raided, but there are surprisingly a lot of supplies left, and then you think, remembering the human bones you found in the pot upstairs,

you can deduce that these inhabitants most likely prefer human meat to fine cheeses and dry fish. You see, one of the scum is just tearing into the side of a large, sloped trout, but he's angry because he wished it was a thigh of a man. It's his lucky day. Three men's thighs.

No, six. He says to himself. Another one is using a small pry bar to open a crate of dried figs. Angry at having their meal interrupted, they turn and get ready to attack.

But Atticus, so quick to the draw, is able to wow us by acting first. Joe, kick off the show, buddy. Let's do it. All right. Let's do this. Here we go. All right.

Thus begins the agony. Atticus is going to step behind Sir Julie. Okay. And cower in fear. No. He's going to step behind Sir Julie, reach past her, and attempt to blind the first scum with a blinding ray. Oh, nice. Ooh.

Okay. Okay. I'm listening. You've got to roll, what is it, to hit touch, I see. Oh, nice. Ooh. Okay. Okay. I'm listening. You've got to roll, what is it, to hit touch AC? Yeah, ranged touch. Okay, so you're going past Sir Julie. Any sort of penalties to that? Yes.

Adding penalties to its AC. Here we go. So that is going to be a 17 against touch AC. Even with Sir Julie standing in the way, you hit it. Yes! This first fella, is he the one gnawing at my salmon?

He's blind. No save. No save. Blind. Boston Joe! There we go. Good start. Good start. Blind. One round.

Blind for one round. Blinded by the light. I'm blind. I'm blind. Luckily, it's not his turn. It's his friend's turn. Damn it. They're murmuring to each other.

The one in the back. See, this is a tricky thing here. That door is a real bottleneck. So I'm actually going to hold my turn. I'm going to pull an O'Brien. A little page out of O'Brien's sweaty, brie-soaked book. I always get brie on my books. This is so moist

with Brie rind between the pages. And it's Halster Price's turn. Halster needs to do some image rehabilitation after the urine-soaked stay in the jail that was learned by the rest of the party, so he's going to dive right in. Oh, wow.

And Sir Julie can move in through his square. Attacks are an opportunity, of course, but... Here comes the attack. That is going to be a 25 damage. Oh, nice. Give it to Houser, dude. Houser all the way.

Ten points of damage. To the blind guy? To the blind guy. That hurt. Damn. It's just like... He doesn't know who did it! Maybe this is a rival family band,

and they got relegated to the basement rehearsal space. It could be them. They got to work their way back upstairs. The one to the left of Blindy McGillicuddy, or the right. Why do I get those wrong? The one to the right is going to do three attacks on Halster.

Bite, claw, ride it. Whoa. Here we go. You know what? Oh, no. We're in Boston You know what? Let's get new. Oh, no. We're in Boston. I'm not going to use these low-rent dice. Here we go. Here comes the bite.

Natural one. Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Dude, neon green. Ice cold for years now. Dude's got multiple attacks, so I will use our house rule to see if he confirms the fumble.

Natural five, he does. Oh, dear. Are you at all concerned this is going to be a long night for you now? You know what? I'm still feeling good. Do you have any northeast crit fumbles, whatever the hell just happened? Wish I remembered to slot those up. Yeah. You didn't.

Talk about yourself. Just look for somebody named like Sully or Fitz. Pat. I've got a 50-50 shot of it being local. All right. Let's go with... Do I have anything? I don't. I don't. I have anything? I don't.

I don't. I'm sorry, I don't. It's all right. Find one that's not so bad for me. Let's go with Adam in Plymouth, Minnesota. Hey, Adam. Sorry, guys. Adam in Plymouth, Minnesota.

Swing for the fences. I lost it. You swing so wildly, you lose your grip on your weapon. Roll 1d8 to determine which direction the thrown weapon goes in, and 1d4 for how far away it goes. No save. He loses the trident!

Rule of fun, even though it was the bite, I will say that he stumbled and throws the trident. He loses all his teeth. They go flying in every direction. It's like that nightmare he's been having for years. I should have lost. Why didn't I listen to my scum dentist?

All right, he will, let's see where this trident goes. You dentist scum. Dentist scum. All right, this trident goes. You dead scum. Dead scum. All right, the trident goes right behind him. Okay. He's just like, goes for the bite with such force, the trident just goes behind him. Which means he's only going to get the claw attack here, and I won't be able to do the trident. Here we go, come on, I've got to do better than a one and a five. Well, would he get a second claw?

No, he only gets one claw. Natural 20. No! Troy, come on. Troy's going to be a total misfit. We're having a good time. Here comes the confirm roll.

Not confirmed. Yeah! Huge! All right, but I'm going to do exploding dice, and I'll tell you right now, I tend to explode. I'll just leave it at that. I didn't explode.

That's going to be five points of damage. It happens to everyone, Troy. Don't worry about it. Ha ha ha! points of damage. It happens to everyone, Troy. Don't worry about it. I need to get a picture of my pants after this show to put up there. Here we go. Let's have fun. My mom might watch this. There she was.

Alright, I'm going to move on to Aldo Casimir. Aldo Casimir. So he's got a terrible angle of what's going on through the door. So he is going to hold and shout encouragement. And he's still under,

I believe he's still under the effects of his mutagen that he took. Yes. So he's got, like, boosted dexterity at the expense of his sanity a little bit. He's a wild live creature right now. He's a wild, live creature right now. He's just like, go in there, get him all.

Come on, open up some room for me to throw a little bomb or two in there. Come on. Come on, Halster, best friend. Love it. Love it. Yeah, he's moving gracefully, but he is slowly losing his mind. The one who is blinded is going to attempt to take three attacks on Halster, but they will all be at a 50% mischance.

And I believe there's a penalty to attack as well. Minus four on strength. No, it'll be a penalty to damage. I'll just throw it on the hero lab, which is never wrong, and see what happens. Here we go. Boom. That's going to be a natural three on the A Hero Lab, which is never wrong. And see what happens. Here we go. Boom. That's going to be a natural three on the bite. I think I'm going to go home.

Oh, how about a 19 on the claw? Total? I don't like the way you said that. Get that shit out of here. Go fuck yourself. You biked in a hunt and you think you're the bee's knees. Well, here comes the trident.

Here we go. Come out of the box. Damn it, you made me nervous. Ooh, all right. It's going to be a natty 18. 24 to hit. Hit. All right, now 50% miss chance. 64. Alright, now 50%

miss chance. 64. Ooh, Nintendo 64! This is going to be a D8 worth of damage. That's going to be 10 points of damage. Why is Qualo here all of a sudden?

What happened there? What happened? I don't understand what that outburst was at all. Big, big, big. What was that? It's so bizarre. Blindy McGillicuddy hits you with the trident for ten

points of damage. Whoa. Aldo is holding. One of the scum is holding. But it is Sir Julie's turn. Okay, Sir Julie is going to step into the room and move and incur from this dude on the right to clear out a little passageway. Nope, I moved Halster, sorry.

It's a shoulders Halster out of the way. Get out of my way, you weakling! Ah! All right, the one that is blind, obviously, cannot take an attack of opportunity because you have no idea what's happening, but the other one will attempt and miss. Okay.

And then Sir Julie will strike out against him. Come on. Power attack is on. Come on, Julie. 19 to hit. Yeah, that's it. Yeah! 20 points of damage.

Oh, my God! With a great sword. Still up. You lie. Good move, Sir Jules. All right, the one in the... Wait, I'm going to take more turns. Damn it.

Aldo sees his opening. He slides in front of his friend, Atticus, and yells, Try to catch this one, mate! And foomp, lobs a bomb at the Ulat Kini, a.k.a. Scum, standing at the rearmost quadrant there. Nice nerdage, bro.

Locks it over the head of Halster and the blind Scum. That is a netty 17. Oh my god, yes! That is appropriate, considering how much more powerful the bombs are now. Imagine being in a room

hanging out and someone just throws a fucking bomb at you. I know. I feel like that would hurt. But it curiously shapes its way around. Actually, it doesn't have to

accommodate for his allies, but it hits, it strikes the rearmost scum for 18 points of fire damage. Beautiful. And I need reflex saves from the foremost two scum,

please. Oh, God. So you've got a big spread on that now. 10-foot spread or more? It is 10-foot, yes. Alright, we've got an 11 and a 13 on the reflex save. Okay, those are two failures. Those seven points of fire damage

to the foremost two scum, please. Game master. Well, the blind one is still up, but the other one burns to death. Yes! One down. Clear the map. Corky, throw another scum on the barbie.

We could call him Boston Scrod. We could. I don't know what that means, but I could have had it for lunch today. You take the kid to Union Oyster House once, now he thinks he's the Boston Scrod of the walk. But you said, Troy, you said that, or someone said, Scrod is just any fish. It could mean, it's just like whatever fish they have lying around the college. That's what I was told. It's like whatever's laying on the floor, they're like, here's a Scrot is just any fish. It could mean, it's just like whatever fish they have lying around That's what I was told. It's like,

whatever's laying on the floor, they're like, here's a Scrot. Yeah, well. Boston Scrot. There you go. That's what we got. Broiled.

Broiled. All right, so Aldo has moved. My life's blackened. You just murdered someone. You shouldn't be so happy. This one in the back is going to slide up now, seeing that his best friend in the world has burned to death, and he just had a bomb thrown at his chest.

And he'll make a trident strike at Halster. And that is a miss with a 16. Sweet. I'm thinking about just calling it a night. Yeah, you wanna? You're ice cold. Ice cold over here. You guys are doing pretty well.

I guess this will be a pretty easy night for you. Guys, might as well just sit back and relax for this easy night in Boston. Not even God himself could present a challenge to us tonight. It is Atticus's turn. Top of the new round. Atticus is

tipping, dodging, looking between trying to find an opening. I'm so useless. He will try to fire a ray of frost through two of his allies. But it's at a blind dude. No, it's not. He's not blind anymore. That guy's not blind.

So, yeah, he's just going to try to fire a ray of frost. Okay. We'll see. We'll see. That's out of the box. Oh, dude. Natty, 15 for a 22. Yeah.

20 gets touched. Where did you get this done? 22's a hit. Pandemonium. Box it. Yeah, dude. All right. Dude, Natty, 14 and 15 to start.

Pretty juice. Good? Yeah, that's a hit. That is two points of cold damage. Yeah. And you notice it doesn't even affect the scum. Oh, did I do that from last time? I couldn't remember if it was the juju zombies or the fish.

You asked me this morning, and I was like, no, I don't think they have cold resistance. You did. You did do that. I did do that. You son of a bitch. You had just come out of the shower, and you were vulnerable. to do that. You son of a bitch.

You were, you had just come out of the shower and you were vulnerable. That's when I, that's when I gave you false information. Don't look at me. I've, uh, my initiative tracker's screwed up, so who wants to go? No, uh, I believe it is, oh god. It's one of their turns. It's one of their turns. The one that had delayed

previously. Yeah, uh, no, you know what, one of them turns. It's one of their turns. The one that had delayed previously. Yeah. No, you know what? One of them died. So actually, it goes back to Sir Julie. Oh, there we go. No, Halster. Halster. I'm sorry, Halster.

Halster's going to try to clear a path for the vicious lawnmower that is Sir Julie to get in there and hack shit up. Let's see if he gets it. Oh, an 18 on the die. That's a hit. Yes. Always. Six points of damage. Six points of damage. He's actually if he gets it. Oh, an 18 on the die. That's a hit. Always. Six points of damage. He's actually still up.

Still up. It's not his turn. It would have been the one that died's turn, so now it's Sir Julie's turn. Okay, Sir Julie is again going to risk incurring, and she's going to slide over here to give Halster a little flanking opportunity next round. It's insulting to just take those attacks of opportunities from me, and I don't care for it.

Natural two, so go ahead. It's also insulting to imply that Sir Julie won't kill this scum immediately. Oh, you're going to go for the... I'm going to go for the guy on the end. Oh, okay. So smart. Smart. We can smart it.

Okay, that is going to hit with a 23. Yeah. You're done, kid. That hits the unarmored scum. 21 points of damage. Go fuck yourself. Drop and life flies! All right, this guy was blind, but now he sees the light,

and he's taking three attacks. The first one will be against Halster. Come on, Neon Green. Come on! Natural four! Yeah! Are you feeling any sense of regret for how

mean you've been to us in the past? Maybe just offending the gods with your cruelty? I don't have the emotion regret. Second attack. Natural 10. Another miss. Do you regret that?

This one is against... He's actually going to take the trident and shove it into his own fucking heart here. Oh, Natty's 17. Great. 23 to hit. You did all three attacks against me? No, the first one was against you,

the second one was against her, and then I came back against you. This guy's flip-flopping all over the place. He's a flip-flopper. 23 hits. Ooh. Trident again. If first you don't succeed,

try Trident again. That first you don't succeed, try, try again. That's max damage. That's going to be 14 points of damage. Oh, gosh. Damn, Hal's turn. And now it's Aldo's turn. Aldo is... Oh, wow. Yeah.

Aldo is... He is... thinks this is pretty well in hand despite best friend's recent injury he's going to take a step to the side just to clear away in case Atticus wants to try something again he's just like, hey I've hit him

yes, let me in there with a dagger yeah he's just going to stay in the hallway yeah okay well now Atticus has a great view of what's will have it's your turn I do I love it he's like yes thank you Aldo I can't wait to charge in

make a room and he's gonna delay and he has no intentions of going in the room he just wants everyone to think he's trying to get. And he has no intentions of going in the room. He just wants everyone to think he's trying to get in there. Actually, that'll be my action. Aldo is going to be holding Atticus back. Yes! They worked this up together.

No, come on! He's too dangerous! I don't want Sir Julie to think I have no heart. Alistair, you hear this. You hear your friend trying to come and save the day. But Aldo's helping him back with his doom. Houser

just has his leg like hanging by a thread right now. He's in rough shape. He looks like Joe Theismann in his last game. And he's going to strike out and going to get a 19 to hit and going to do out of the box I need a D6. D6. I don't know. You're going to throw a 19 to hit. And going to do, out of the box. I need a D6. D6 me, Doc.

I don't know. You're going to throw it across the room. These are expensive dice. D6 me. Six points of damage. And he's dead. Yeah! One down.

One down. And the three of them fall. And that was the one holding the smoked trout. And as he falls, he stares at Halster's thigh, knowing he will never get to taste it. Longing for that thigh. Longing for that thigh, as scum do. You're out of combat.

You came in and yet again murdered innocents. What would you like to do? They did try to stab us, eat us, and claws They were protecting their fish I'm so sorry I couldn't get in I tried my best But Aldo, he was looking out for me, I suppose But I care nothing for myself

No, no, look, those were innocent people If you went in there, it would have been a bloodbath. Atticus, you scare me when you're like this. I don't know what to do when you have this hate in your eyes. I just hate to see you injured, Halstead. I know. Breaks my heart.

I feel like I have a rival for another best friend right now. He turns away. Would you like to taste of my thigh? It's been brining in my own urine all day. We'll leave it to test. Just have to dip it in some flour and fry it right up. And then have a bite.

The problem now is that it's covered in your blood. Is there anything we can do to heal you? You can suck the poison out. The scum are poisonous, I assure you. Is anyone in charge of this team? Is there a leader? Sir Julia is a paragon of goodness, but she defers to the others.

Of course. No, he's trying to say it. We need to get you healed up. You're delirious. You're delirious. You need to be healed. Sir Julia, is there anything you can do? Oh, no, wait.

I forgot about your awful fucking archetype. Paladin that heals only herself. What you call an archetype, I call years of mental illness not treated by medical professionals. Potato, potato. Can we see more of this room, or is this the end of the room? No.

You can see down this hallway here. It stretches down another 15 feet or so, and then opens up into another room. Ooh. So this is a wall over here? Yes, it's a wall. Are these cabinets or crates? Do you want the flavor text again?

Wow. I was just asking you to explain your shitty polygon reveal. You're like an unnecessarily aggressive GM at a con. You know what I mean? He doesn't know you and is so weirdly mean.

Sorry, I missed it. there's a lot going on well send me to read the text I already read again no it's just sometimes on your maps like this this little

like tiny bit of of you know shading might be a crate that a ten foot monster could be hiding behind that's true that's true

yes a hydra comes from behind the crate I just want to know what I'm looking at. Seven heads emerge. That's true. We've learned to be extraordinarily thorough as a result of that.

Your lack of understanding of light and size is amazing. Amazing. Oh, come on! Oh, no! I knew it! I knew it. I knew it.

It's not right on her. The hider comes out and says, go fuck yourself. I want to search these crates. All right, you search the crates, and you find just meats and cheeses and stuff. They didn't really dig too much into it. It seems like they were getting desperate,

and they started eating the fish, but they prefer human meat. So maybe you saw that some of the mercenaries returned into Juju Zombies. Maybe others were eaten, and now they're running out of supplies. It's a real Sophie's choice. Eat them or turn them into juju zombies. I have that problem

every day. Is the food... I cannot heal Halster. I already healed myself off here because it's boring. Okay, great. Then let's head down this hallway. Well done, Halster. What about the food? Is it rotten? Old? Disgusting? Or is it relatively food? Is it rotten, old, disgusting, or is it relatively fresh? It seems

fresh. Oh, we should sit down and have a little cheese party. Well, I just wondered, does this mean that the mercenaries were okay relatively recently? Or that the scum brought this cheese? Do the scum know how to cure cheese? It's a sign of civilization.

They seem so uncivilized. Except for their music. It's cool down here. It's a dungeon. So, you know, it's going to keep a little bit like a refrigerator. It's a cheese cellar. It's a cheese cellar. You must have two or three in your family home.

Yep. There is no real cheese in the O'Brien home. Any house we visited, I would ask the real estate agent. I'd be like, well, where's the cheese cellar? I thought you were going to say, oh, you just said cheese cellar, right? The cheese whiz does not require

any kind of cellar, does it? No. Just a little glass jar or a can. And then you get to do whippets at the end when you're done with all the cheese. You're going to zip down this hallway? Were the scum carrying anything besides tridents? No, they all had tridents. And trident gum, surprisingly.

Yeah, I was going to say, Aldo was going to come up and take one of the tridents and say, four out of five dentists, eh? Toss it away. Where's the rest? I'm working on more catchphrases. There was one That's a good one Yeah

Seems to be a bit of a delayed fuse But it landed after a bit The Hydra comes back and is like, nice. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. He got a kick out of that. So you go down the hallway. Who's going with Sir Julie? Are you going to let her go alone?

It's dark down there, Sir Julie. Do you have light? Yes, she does. Wait. Yes. Maybe. Yeah, sure. As you like it.

So, yes. Yes. Yes, I have light. You have light. The confusion I have is with... Oh, Halster has light. Okay. I have light cast on my shield at all times.

Great. You have light cast on you already. all times. You have light cast on you already. I cast it. As Halster moves up there, that is enough to illuminate the whole room. Before you give me shit about not knowing how light works, you're in a dungeon down here. It's dark and there are sconces with torches

that are unlit, but it's dark, okay? Yes. I thought it was a cheese seller. This looks like... It's musty in here. There's a dozen or so wooden kegs, several Demijohns, you know, like carboys. Demijohns, J-A-W-N-S. Dozens of empty bottles and vessels of various shapes and sizes standing on shelves against the wall.

There doesn't appear to be anything else in here, but there is a door leading to the north. Ooh. Door to the north! Door to the north! Door to the north! We have no choice, Sir Julie. You must go.

Um, all right. Well must go. All right. Well, do we want to search these demijohns? Yes. By all means. Anything in them? No. No, great. To the north!

Stop right there. Oh, no! He's trapped! No! I can still see where he went. Where is he? Where did he go? Where's he off to?

We've been plunged into darkness as well. Sir Julie, roll a perception check. All right. All right. 22. As you walk forward, you notice standing right in front of the door is this transparent ooze shape.

Oh, no! And you almost walk right into it as it lunges out to try and grab you. Oh, no. Roll for initiative again. Oh, no. Roll for initiative again. Oh, God, I wish you rolled worse. Look at this son of a gun here.

Oh, what is this? Oh, whoa. That's a new, that's a Terminator, I think. T-2000. Oh, I'm excited about this. We are in... All right, let's talk about Anish here. Aldo?

Ten again, I think. Awesome. Sir Julie? Five. Oh, man. Yes. Atticus? Nine.

Oh, no. It's a natural two. Halsta? Thirteen. Oh, God. Wow. The ooze would like to go first. What was it doing with all these scum?

Just chilling? Eating cheese? You guys are cool. So, Julie, flat-footed AC. You see this thing just try to slam you, but a slam that is enveloping you as well come on does anybody have a bottle cap yes i do can i have it no come on come on come on natural 20 come on for boston come on okay touch ac touch ac or flat footed AC?

Flat footed AC, shut up Please, please, please be a hit 18 Nope Come on! Oh, wow! Damn it! Where's that touch?

No, it's flat footed It's done against touch I hate you so much, Matthew. This is why I never come see your plays. That, and I have no interest in seeing them. No, come on, we're all friends. Big mistake. Big mistake.

They're very good plays. Thanks, Joe. I like your emails you send me they're very well written alright here we go wait you read them? I do, most of them unless you have a problem with me then I delete it quickly there we go

those are the best ones it's Halster's turn I'm really bummed out about this well small room though that might give me a little advantage Halster's turn. I'm really bummed out about this. Well... Small room, though. That might give me a little advantage. Halster's going to five foot step up so that he can eventually flank with Sir Julian's strikeout.

No time for spells. No time for messing around. Here it comes. That's going to be a 19 to hit. 20 to hit. 20 to hit is a hit. Minimum damage. 6 damage. Okay.

Just reading some things here. 6 damage, you say, huh? Plus 2 short sword if it matters. That's what I say to you. It's Aldo's turn. I feel like something's building here. Aldo, what do you think here, buddy? It's ao's turn. I feel like something's building here. Aldo, what do you think here, buddy? It's a tough one.

This is a tough one. Aldo is going to... He's kind of like looking over Atticus's head at 6'7". He says, oh, oh my. I can just see the edge of some horrible goo. And he moves past his friend, Atticus, into the room. He pulls a bomb out of his bandolier, and he says, I hope you get a charge out of this one.

Activates it and inserts it right into the goo. Whoa! Oh, hell yes. Does that goo insertion provoke? Yeah, well, it's technically still a ranged attack, so yes, that would be it. It does. All right, so as you go to insert into the goo, it turns its attention towards you.

Come on. Natural 20. That's quite bad. Grant, tell Skid what that says. I don't want to. Can I pass? It's going to be a tough confirm. Tough confirm. Tougher against Sir Julie.

Oh, boy. 23 to confirm. Yeah, that's a good number. I wish this guy was named. However, a couple things are going to happen. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical. Critical.

Critical threat. Really left me hanging out there on that high note. I'm no Nick Lowe. All right, you're going gonna take 21 points of regular damage Oh no You're gonna take 5 points Of acid damage Oh no

And it will go to grab you And if it succeeds Spoiler alert It's gonna constrict Ooze fan in the crowd it succeeds, spoiler alert, it's going to constrict. Ooze fan in the crowd. 25. Of course. Of course.

So it grapples you and then it constricts for another 11 points of damage. Critical slam. for another 11 points of damage. Wow. Critical slam. Acid damage grapples Aldo and then just squeezes the fucking life out of him.

Sir Julie, you see this go down and you just wish you could have done something. Yeah, Matthew wishes the same. and you just wish you could have done something. Yeah. Matthew wishes the same. Aldo, can you still get this insertion off into the goo? Yeah. Okay, that is a 20 against touch AC. That is going to hit.

All right. Okay, that's good. So he's battered, seared, grappled, and he's almost dead. But with the last burst of effort, he shoves this bomb into its body, pulls its hand away, and it explodes for 22 points of damage. Whoa! Badass. Question.

What kind of damage is it? Fire. It takes zero points of damage. Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! They love you. I'm not even smiling

because this is about to get bad. Skid was having a good time until just then. Yeah, I'm not having a good time anymore. No, no. No, that costume was expensive. Yeah, seriously. This is my own money I'm spending on this shit.

This is company money. This isn't Patreon money. This is my money. You know you can write that up. The bandolier looks terrific. Okay, this is serious business here. Okay, stop fucking around, Joe. This is serious business here.

Stop fucking around, Joe. It's Atticus's turn. You see this happen. What do you do? For the first thing he's going to think is, what the hell is this thing? I'm going to roll a knowledge check. See if I can figure out what this thing is.

What's ooze again? Is it dungeoneering? Dungeoneering. Thank you. I figure out what this thing is. Okay. What's ooze again? Is it dungeoneering? Dungeoneering. Dungeoneering. Thank you. I didn't hear it. 20. 20. Oh, that's pretty good.

This is a creature known as an id ooze. Oh, what? An ooze of pure id. I don't appreciate that comment. This is an ooze of pure it. It's this seemingly mundane puddle. It's a terrible pseudopod. Is there anything specific you want to know about it?

Because I'm going to give you a couple bits of information. No. Slashing damage, is it evil? Can we hurt it? How do we hurt it? I'll tell you this. What's useful? Fire would not be useful. It's immune to fire. We know that already. That's not useful. That's one bit of information.

I'm from here! It is immune to critical hits. I could have saved that one, but I thought I'd spoil your fun now. Here's what will be helpful to you as well. It's immune to cold. What about slashing? Slashing seems to be fine.

Oh yeah, you just did it, Halster. It was piercing. Anything else that's really going to help you, you're not going to get any flanking bonuses is it evil no he's a cool guy I would assume not he actually is neutral

he's just defending his turf this is so bad this is very bad because if it succeeds on the grapple which it probably will it will constrict again and could very well kill Aldo

yeah that's gonna be it I'm just trying I don't have like I don't have you know dimension door or anything like that yet I can't move him out of there yet

I'm gonna tell you something else it's got a shit ton of hit points yeah no I know it does oozes always do. This is so bad. It's immune to so many of the things that I can do. Ew. Shit.

At least you're fully rested and ready to go. Give me a little smile. I will ready an action. I will ready an action I will ready an action but no it's going to be the creature's turn before Aldo I'm just going to ready an action and that action will be triggered

if at any point it no never mind I have to delay I would talk I have to delay. I have to delay. I would talk through it if you want, but it'd be boring. Yeah, I appreciate it. It is Sir Julie's turn, followed by the ooze.

Because it grabbed Aldo on the AOL. Okay, so Julia's going to five foot step to flank the others. Okay, no flanking. No flanking. She's going to do it anyway. Just to get away from Aldo's corpse. No, yeah. At least it opens up space for me to fall over and spread out after I die.

So I appreciate that. It's so bad. It's so bad. I can see it in your eyes. Yeah, with Power Attack and Furious, focus on You'll hit. You'll hit. It's a noose. 15 to hit. That is a hit. 18 points of damage. Don't clap for that.

That's minimum. It's not minimum. It's pretty low. It will attempt to maintain the grapple on Aldo at the top of round two. Can I use a free action to antagonize the ooze? Sure. But that would be a flavor antagonize

as an actual antagonize as a standard action. Yes. So do whatever you want. It will not affect the outcome of the game. I quote Holy Scripture for the full extent of that free action, which by the rules of the game seems to be infinite. That's true. So Sir Julie goes on for quite a while at the Dawnflower

the blessings of the Dawnflower be upon you hold on can I go sure can I just try to grab Aldo and pull him out of there a desperate attempt

that will only work on... It won't work. It won't work. You sure you want to do that? Well, why not? What are you going to try and do? I'm going to try to do a CMB to grab him away from the creature.

Okay. What did you say? I said okay. I don't even know if a natural 20 would succeed. Well, if you don't know that, then I won't do it. It's an ooze that's enveloping him, and you're a fifth-level rat wizard. All right, well, yeah, I'm going to do it anyway, just because, like, you know, story matters. So he's going to, like, desperately try to get his claws into Aldo's, like, long coat that he has.

And he's just like, get out of there, Aldo! Get out of there! And he's going to try to pull him with a shocking plus zero to CMB. Here we go. Natural four. He's clawing at him He does point of damage Yeah I tried

Aldo's screaming He's being burned And you grab his arm Stop, stop, you're really hurting my arm Stop I forgot something. That sounds like a bad thing. My hand's off the chest piece,

so I'll only put it into effect now. But the constrict does constrict damage and another d6 of acid damage. Well, Skid, you tell me. Do you want that extra d6 before I roll to confirm the constricts? Because maybe if you go unconscious from that D6, it'll leave you alone. No, I can't go down from the acid damage. Okay.

So you don't want it. It doesn't matter to me. You know what? Just because there's people out here that won't be able to sleep tonight, give yourself another five points of acid damage. because there's people out here that won't be able to sleep tonight, give yourself another five points of acid. Oh!

And now I'll go to maintain the grapple, which upon... Wasn't that after you said your hand was off the chess piece? What? Did you put your hand back on the chess piece? I don't think that's how it works. I thought about it, and I don't like the way that Matthew talked to me earlier, so I'm going to take it out on his head.

I didn't say anything! Why are you punishing me? Because he likes you. That's right. That's the way I can really hurt you. Are you punishing Matthew by angering one of his friends? Yes, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm sorry, Matthew. This is horrible for you, I'm sure.

Seeing me like this, seeing me so upset. You're telling me it's hot, kid. Yeah, you're right. These Boston people really get a bad rap as being jerks we just don't understand the culture I can sense the affection in this misplaced rage

yikes this is bad news bears right here if I succeed on the grapple it will do constrict and acid damage. Now, I could roll shitty, but it's pretty good damage here. Here we go. To maintain the grapple. Come on, natural one. You can do it.

You can roll a natty one. Oh, man. 24. Yep. I'll tell you right now, it's going to be 1d6 plus 7 damage, followed by another 1d6 of acid damage. Why don't we roll it in front of the stage? Oh, no. No, man. Why don't we roll it in front of the stage? Oh no

That way I can't fake it Matthew This is a pandemic Use your own microphone He says this is going to be not that much damage. Ten points of damage. Okay. But that's before the acid. And now 1d6 acid.

Out of the box! Out of the box! Out of the box! Two points of acid damage could be worse. All right. All right. Okay. I had a very suspicious lack of cheering from the audience.

A bunch of Troy fans. Yeah. They could taste blood in the water. Boston, Troy. Boston, Troy. Aldo will not survive another constrict. You know this to be true. Can you kill it in one round?

Wait, is he unconscious? Yeah, I am unconscious and two points away from permanent death. Oh. Unconscious and two points away from permanent death. A couple problems here. Even if you pull off a miraculous victory, will you have the time to be able to heal him and stop? I don't know. I don't know. Do you want to do that now to try and give him some extra stop? I don't know. I don't know. Do you want to do that now to try and give him

some extra HP? I don't know. I'm stalling so you can think about every possible solution to keep this beloved character alive that I don't want to kill. But my monster does.

I would be doing a disservice to the spirit of the Yiduz if I played him anything less than bloodthirsty Halster, you're up best friend, best friend no, I'm so sorry for saying that to Atticus I didn't mean it, nobody likes Atticus

oh no, and he reaches out and heals him yeah and provokes no it doesn't, it's a supernatural out and heals him. Yeah! And provokes. No, it doesn't. It's a supernatural ability. It never provokes. It does not require concentration. I'm just trying to get him to release. Alright, there you go.

You win, Grant. Twelve points of healing. Okay. Okay. Huge. Huge! Okay. Huge. Huge. Woo! Huge. But now you've taken a turn away from damage.

Yes. Aldo, it is your turn. Are you awake? Yeah. Aldo awakens in incredible searing pain. And he says, Oh, I'm so confused. What's going on? I don't want to die. I like being alive and alert.

So he takes out a potion of Kyralite Wounds that he administers to himself. For another five points of healing. It doesn't let go. It just holds on to you. Every little bit counts. To just squeeze the life out of you. My goodness gracious. I'm sweating.

It is Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie. Halster had administered some healing. Aldo administered healing to himself. What are you going to do? I'm going to attack. Yeah, you should. Well.

Well. to himself, what are you going to do? I'm going to attack. Yeah, you should. Well, Joe's idea to reach in and grab him and pull him out, is that mechanically possible? Maybe. But I don't know the rules for it. So let's do this.

If you know the rules, you tell me. Well, I mean, I can always grab... I can always try to grapple him and move him a square. I know if, like, Aldo as the grapplee can, in his turn, instead of doing Escape Artist or something like that, I can try and reverse the grapple, but I don't know if someone else can pull a grappled creature away. This room is so tight, we're just going to be re-grappled with someone else the next turn. I think our only chance is that.

Yeah, but I have 56 hit points. But I guess I'm the only one that can get you out. No one else can get you out. Nobody else can lay out any appreciable damage to this thing. So I think you might be the only way to take it out because the other ones can't lay out the damage you can. Why don't you smite evil? It's neutral. Yeah, so I can't crit it

and I can't smite it, so I just gotta do regular old damage to it. Hold on. There is some... It's possible. Because you can grapple a creature... No, that's not gonna work. Because you can grapple a creature and you can move a grappled creature.

Yes. Which ends in a condition or effect on that creature that's in that space it says but you have to move to get to him so you wouldn't be able to do it anyway oh, he's technically not in the well, five foot step, but no, you would have to move it's not a move action, so yeah

alright, I'll swing with the greatsword we're grasping at straws if you roll a natural one, you kill have to move. It's not a move action, so yeah. All right. I'll swing with the greatsword. We're grasping at straws. If you roll a natural one, you kill the skid, not me. Okay, it's going to hit with an 18. Yeah. 19 points of damage. It's pretty good.

It's still up Shit Um I will I will take a five foot step Okay To be technically next to Aldo mechanically In case we need to Let's just keep our options open

In case we can pull something off Sure sure sure Free action continue to quote Holy scripture It has uh pull something off. Sure, sure, sure. You gotta keep your options open. Free action, continue to quote. Holy scripture. It has a... Thus spake the dawn of flower. It has an intelligence of two, so it loves it.

Thought that would cheer you up a bit. We're having a good time It is Atticus' turn Atticus, can you lay out triple digits worth of damage in this round? My heart is honestly pounding I'm sick to my stomach I have to ask

This is the worst! Because what you end up doing is like getting in a position where you have to come groveling to Troy, begging. Is there any way the knowledge check would let me know if the creature is immune to being dazed? You rolled pretty high. But that didn't sound like begging. Oh, my God.

I'd be happy to give you the information. Just, uh, fucking beg. Jesus Christ. Go fuck yourself. There we go. I'm gonna cast... I'm gonna cast I'm gonna cast Atticus Desperate

Tear In his eye Seriously I don't think he's ever cared About anyone Really He doesn't remember Caring about anyone

But something about Aldo Is like He's been there since He's one of the first people He saw When he crawled one of the first people he saw when he crawled out of the oven, you know, the ashes. And he's putting this life

back together with Aldo. He can't let this happen. He doesn't know if it's going to work based on his knowledge, but he just reaches out and he's going to cast an ear-piercing scream on the creature to try to do sonic damage to it. We'll see if it does anything.

Probably not. Go ahead and roll a Fortitude save. Fortitude save. With Neon Grey. Shaking the gelatin. 23. Oh, fuck. Sorry, man.

Half damage? Yeah, half damage. So if it takes... If it takes... I rolled a one and a two on 2d6. So it takes one point of damage. How is that possible? I mean if it happened to fail the save

and it was vulnerable to daze it could have been dazed which would be fucking huge so it takes one point of damage one point of damage one and a two on 2d6 I'm sorry I appreciate on 2D6. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I appreciate the effort, mate.

I also have strong friend feelings for you too. Yes. Teutonic, purely. Remember when I saw you in the oven that day? How sooty you were. I hope how sooty you were aren't your last words.

Let's just, let's see. Be fitting, for sure. This is so tragic. Because as you've come to Threshmore, you've started to realize very clearly that you were bad people before. Maybe you weren't in your right mind. You don't know. All you know is that you did bad things. But the new you has found friends.

The team has been galvanized. And maybe you didn't care about people in your past life, but you're being given a second chance. And you really care. Yeah. And now your newest friend stands on death's doorstep. Don't let that be glossed over. He doesn't remember caring about anyone. Yeah.

Ever. Ever. Yeah. You know, it was so super selfish. Greedy. Career. ever. Ever. Yeah. You know, it was so super selfish, greedy, career, money, fame,

success. Sir Julie at least remembers being a part of something bigger than herself. Sir Julie is a paragon of goodness. She likes you guys too.

I'm just sad. I'm just sad because I can't not continue to constrict. I've been flavor antagonizing you for two rounds now. And he's wrapped up in it. Wouldn't like to get some pamphlets at the end of the fight. But in the meantime, he's got a fever and the only prescription is maintaining the grapple

and constricting as the old adage goes here we go Natty 19 just rocks rocks come on back to the front of the stage.

Yeah. He just told me he hates to do it. Yeah, he seems real miserable. He seems real broken up about it. First, we'll do the regular damage. Okay. Nine points of regular. He's down again.

Oh, God. Is he within six points of regular. He's down again. Oh, God. Is he within six points of permadeath? No. All right. Two points of acid. All right. Okay. All right.

All right. Come on. All right. I'm having a lovely dream about surviving this combat. It's Halster Price's turn. Halster, what do you do? I hate to bring you in and out of consciousness, in and out of this awful pain,

but I must. Six points of healing. Okay, he wakes up again. Ow. Halster, what year is this? Okay, he wakes up again. Ow! The hellster! What year is this? The Red Sox have finally won a World Series. What?

I must still be dreaming. Wake up, damn you! Wake up! Wake up, damn you. Wake up. Wake up, damn you. What do you do, Aldo? Do you take another potion? Yeah, I've got another potion to take. Actually, I am going to do a...

I'm going to do a Cure Light. I'm going to take an extract of Cure Light on myself. Get a couple extra points there. Okay. Okay. All right. Come on. Roll high.

Roll high. Ten points. Yeah! Yeah! Oh, we can get out of this. And he's still kind of crazy because of the mutagen. So this is a very difficult day for him. All in all.

Okay. It's Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, if you should not hit, you know Atticus is useless. Kindly release my friend. Okay. 16 to hit. I'm rolling terribly. That's a hit.

Yeah. Okay. Big damage. Big damage. 21's a hit. Okay. Big damage, big damage. 21 points, 22 points again. Oh, yeah! He did it! He did it! He did it! Yeah!

22! 22! Julie! Julie! Julie! Julie! Julie! Julie! Julie! Julie! Judy! Judy! Judy! Judy! Judy! Judy! I like to imagine she just takes the greatsword and she kind of cleaves the ooze in two, and then it just melts all over the floor.

Yes! Yes! Amazing! Wow. Amazing! Amazing! Look at the fun that you can have with friends. This is how he always weasels out of it.

Just glad we had this fun moment. The ooze falls, and as it does, it explodes, and everyone takes exactly the amount of damage needed to kill. Covered in acid. It's the xenomorph all of a sudden. Death throes. I'd like to keep this handy. The closing count. I heard that. I like to keep this handy for close encounters I like to keep Sir Julie handy

for close encounters well their story went well so that bodes well for us the ooze has fallen and oh baby was that a close call I can't remember a close call like that since book one literally like two points away on that die.

Like, if you had rolled a four on that D6 for the acid damage, I'd be gone. Wow. That was also a room wherein a standard healer wouldn't have been able to get those off on him. Like, the supernatural ability of those Fervor were huge. Exactly. A regular man? No. You need a Grant man.

You need a burger to pull that off, baby. Remind me to Remind me to kick my own ass if I ever turn after combat and say you know,

an ordinary caster wouldn't have been able to pull off what I just pulled off. You remember when you made Skids Almost Death about you not being able to pull off what I just pulled off. You remember when you made Skids Almost Death about you not being able to feel for other people? I know. Remember when that happened just

a few minutes ago? Can't do it. I am starting to feel the human emotion known as regret. I now understand. I mean, that was just kind of ideally suited to thwart us. Because immune to fire, immune to crits, and then...

Immune to mind affecting, so like no illusions are going to do anything. Just pouring that fancy beer into a glass. Yes. Yes, this fancy bud light. It's a local. I'm pouring it into a glass. You know what That sounds good

I think Yeah this is a Celebratory Bud Light Aldo lives Hey Cheers to the nation Cheers to Boston Cheers to the paradise

Thanks for having us The paradise is open For business baby So good to be back You know Stay safe out there so we can do this again in a few months. Be smart.

What do you want to do? This pile of goo just burnt through the ground as it fell. Well, Aldo, I think he's almost, it's almost like he's drunk a little bit with this mutagen. And he's just like, oh, my God. I fucking love you.

I love you people. You, Sir Julie, that was amazing. You saved my bloody life, you did. You're amazing. You're an honorable, beautiful lady. If I don't, I've overstepped my bounds there. I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

Helster, Edikos, you're the best friends I've ever had as far as I know. I just want you to know that. Aldo, you are missing your eyebrows after the ooze. Oh no. They were my best feature. They were.

Oh no. Well, I'm alive, though, so... Six of one, half dozen of another. Sir Julie grabs you by the face, and she's so shaken up by this. And she tries to lay on hands here, but of course, the goddess doesn't answer. Oh, man. So Aldo senses what she's trying to do. He just lets it go for a second and then takes her hand and gently brings it down.

Might be some day soon, again. Maybe some day. Don't scare me like that, Aldo. Oh, to my base, not to love. Yeah, and Atticus is going to turn to him and say, Aldo, that was too close. You're too smart to get that close to something like that. I know.

I know. It's like, I don't know. I'll take this goo, you know, he shows the mutagen. And it's like, I don't know, just lose a bit of judgment of something. And you can see Atticus is like, he's almost shaking a little bit. Like he's trying to hold back anger or something like that. And he's just like, just keep your distance. All right, no.

Yeah. I always took one right on a date. Like, of course, I'm going to stand back and wait for you lot. No, I'm not jumping up there. That was stupid. Did you see anything when you fell unconscious? Did the Lady of Graves give you any revelations or was it just

blackness? Well, I saw this beautiful dream that we were victorious and I survived. And my dream has come true, I think. Yeah. I'm still in incredible pain.

But, yeah, no, that was the extent of my visions of the other side. It's so beautiful. It causes a premature channel. Here it comes. You are healed for eight points. Do you need more? Thank you. Oh, yeah, but... Six points. Oh you need more? Yeah, but...

6 points. Oh, thank you so much. Where are you at? I am at 26 out of 44. Alright, Atticus will give you a potion of Cure Light Wounds. Oh, thank you. I think you guys needed... Oh, 98!

I think you needed this to... To what? Deplete our resources and our consumables? You needed this to make you weaker for the final fight. While that healing is happening, can I check the door for

traps? Sure. Fourteen. I love how Sir Julie's just so focused. She's just like moving on. Still goo on her face. Looking at the door for traps. It doesn't appear to be trapped. Definitely not trapped. Definitely not.

100%. 100%. There's nothing to fear here. Let Aldo open it. It's the least I can do. I owe you. Everyone step back. Adam.

All right, let's go. Let's go. Let's push. All right, open the door. The door's locked. Fuck. I just love when we recreate our home game. It's exactly what it's like. You get all abbed up,

and you're just out the door. It's like, fuck. Does anyone have the stable device? I do. I'll step out of the way. I'm still a bit addled from the mutagen. No, this I've got this. This is easy.

That is a 20. DC 20. Yeah, Aldo! You unlock the door and set off a trap. And a spray of freezing cold ice goes in a straight line at Aldo and Atticus. Oh, God.

Both of you roll a reflex save for half damage. Oh, I'll take that bottle cap, Matthew. Fuck. God damn it. Look at all those dice! Natty 19. For a 24 reflex save.

Aldo? Natty, 2. No! Oh my god, imagine if this killed him. After all that. That would be amazing. It's 5d6. Jesus. You're going to take 18 points of cold damage. And you take 9, unless you have evasion. Wizards are well known for their evasion. And you can't help but think,

if only Sir Julie had rolled a higher perception, this wouldn't have happened. Yes, ah! The freezing burns to his fur. Sir Julie, what were you thinking? You said there were no traps. I was wrong. Yes. Yes yes you were

suppose we're all wrong sometimes the good news is you open the door nope he just disabled the device because I'm going to drink a potion of cure light wounds immediately I also have one remaining and and I will take that.

You can have one of mine. Oh, thank you. Oh, seven. I had four balls. Four. Damn it. Four balls. Remember that character, Four Balls?

He had a good run. He did? He had a good run. He did. He had a great run. You see up ahead, past this hallway, about 20 feet in, at the extent of Halster's light and whoever else has light, the room becomes circular, and you hear running water up ahead. Oh. I hear water. Do you hear that?

Yes. So Julia will make her way down the hallway cautiously. She does have light cast upon her. Great. Once you get to there, you see the full extent of the room, and it's pretty poorly revealed Okay. Cast upon her. Great. Once you get to there, you see the full extent of the room. And it's pretty poorly revealed by my... What makes you say that? That is not going to win you Polygon Reveal of the Year.

No. This is his second nomination. And first loss. What am I saying, he? What's happening? What room did you guys go into? All right, so you went into that one. This is a well.

And the whole room... I always trap my wells. Yes. The room is completely built around this water well, which, if you look up, opens to the sky above at the apex of the ceiling and then descends down through a shaft at the middle of the floor.

Did you walk in, Sir Julie? Yeah, from where you're standing, Sir Julie, you can see that the walls of the well look climbable. And if you get close enough, you can see the rope and the bucket are pulled up to the top. Does anybody have knowledge of dungeoneering? Oh yes.

Give me a roll for dumb dungeoneering. Dude. Yes. Yeah! Never been so excited about dungeoneering. 25. Oh there you go. 25. DC 26. Oh no

No I'm kidding You get the sense that this I need to work on your material This well goes up to that well That you saw in the courtyard So you could have ostensibly Gone down the well As you dealt with the dogs

And come down here and maybe stop that trap for pitting poor Aldo. Yeah. You also notice around the... We definitely all would have jumped in a well and just started swimming down into the darkness with no idea what's down there. Rather than risk any possible ice trap doors

that we might find below. Let's just dive into this well instead. That's what heroes do. Look it up. You see around the floor of the well several overlapping web-toed footprints caked in mud. So you think like, oh, the scum got in through here. Yes. But why? Who were they working with?

Did they come up through the well? What do you mean, who were they working with? It appears that they came up through the well. Wow. They just swim in water. Couldn't they just have found this place? Maybe. Maybe they were a family band.

Or maybe they have a valuable role in the adventure path. Who are they working with? Is this an open wall over here? It's so horrifically revealed, there's no way for us to know what we're looking at. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's too bad he just didn't reveal the square around the circle so he could see the walls. You know, it just, that, it just goes, it's just water. It's just like an aqueduct.

It goes out and drains out into Lake Carleton. Is it an aqueduct? I don't know. That's not the right word. It's an aqueduct? It's not an aqueduct. The aqueduct. The aqueduct?

That's not the right word. It's like a drainage. You know what? You want to climb in there, rat, and swim through the sewer? That's not the right word. You know what? You want to climb in there, rat, and swim through the sewer? That's what your people do. I have a name you know. Oh, man.

I said it. I don't give a shit. How dare you speak of Jenny Two-Tails like that. Can I do a detect magic on the well? Yes. Wow. You get the sense that there was a magical trap here moments ago. I'm only picking up the residual effects of the trap Sir Julie missed.

Unmistakable. Very well, I shall let you detect all the traps going forward On all of the doors Atticus is going to dive into the well and go swimming As deep as he can Okay He drowns immediately And you see

A furry soaked body Float to the top What does Sir Julie Halster And Aldo want to do? Perception on the room 25 It's the casual dismissal 25

Yeah it doesn't seem to be anything of import What? casual dismissal. 25%? Yeah, it doesn't seem to be anything of import. What? It's like I'm not here. Well, you're dead. You aren't. I'm floating in the well. I died in the well. This is having a nice little soak.

Watch how long I can hold my breath. Watch how long I can... No one shed tears over your death. But Aldo leaned in and said, go for yourself. If you want to swim through the well, you can see that it gets very, very tight, but you can squeeze through a tunnel here of water,

and it eventually gets up to an intersection. You're like, oh, this must just, part of it must drain out to the bay or like in Carthen or whatever, and then the other part just provides water somewhere else in the town. I can't imagine how terrifying that would be to dive into this well and be squeezing through this hole underwater. Yeah, let's get you up there. Let's get you up there really squeezing. Oh. And as you're up there, once you get to the intersection, this guy comes back and he's like, hey.

Surprised you dove into the well. How'd you fit in here? He's like one unbelievably smushed head. Okay. How'd you fit in here? I've been stuck in here for 43 years. All right, well, Atticus is squeezing himself towards certain death. Should we go back to the room with the door to the east?

Yeah, there's other doors. Where are you guys going? He says. You guys leave? All right. Tell my story. And you go back to... We go back to the authorities of Vustolov and we're like,

you know you got a hydra stuck in your well? Well, see, here's your problem. There you are. There it is. For 43 years he's been down there. You got a hydra raising your pipes. He seemed pretty calm

all things considered. He was very reasonable. All right, you get to this door, Sir Julie. What do you want to do? Check for traps. Natural 20. There you go. It is definitely 100% not trapped.

I open the door. It's locked. Fuck! Now she's focused in. I step aside, but Aldo disabled the door. It's locked. Fuck! Now she's focused in. I step aside, but Aldo disabled the trap. Now are you sure it's not trapped this time?

I'm sure it's not trapped. All right. Atticus gets in the stairwell, 15 feet away, 25 feet away. Peeking around the side. 20 again. 20 again. 20 again. It's not enough, but I will say

since it is untrapped, you can take some time to just open it. I will do that. At your leisure. And when you do, you open it to reveal a jail. Oh!

This is where Halster was peeing. This is also where they jailed the person accused of poisoning. Yes. Oh, right. You see a jail, a dark hallway leading to a row of three doors along the northern wall, each fitted with a small grate in the middle. And then there is a single door on the far end of the room going south.

Aside from the dirt and grime in this neglected part of Fort Halecourse, there's no furniture. You would know, even with your various states of memory loss that any serious criminals would be sent to Kalifas

if they were found guilty of any real crimes here in Threshmore so these are probably holding cells before they're transported or a drunk tank in the case of Halster.

And Halster, this place does seem very, very familiar to you. Smells of home. Halster will then, kind of with that familiarity, start traipsing about from cell to cell. Can you see through these cells? Are they like barred, or are they doors with kind of people? The door to the first cell is ajar. The other two are closed. Houser will not check for traps and will crack it

open. You pop open that first door that was already ajar and you're just smacked in the face by a smell of waste and rotting flesh in the air. There are bones on the floor and on the bed. It looks like it's been used recently, but not by a prisoner.

Maybe the scum are using it to take turns sleeping. You don't know. He'll place his shield on his back and pull out a sachet of potpourri and then advance towards the bed and investigate it just thoroughly. Give me a perception check. Natural 20. Oh, yeah. Yeah, buddy.

You don't find anything of value in the room, but as you're flipping the sheets and moving the bones around, you see carved in the leg of one of the bedposts your initials. Oh.

Wow. H.P. Harry Potter. Well, Houster will leave this room, think about his past misdeeds, and move on to the next cell. Move on to the next cell. You open the door. Yes. Oh, baby. Shield's back out, by the way. Business is about to pick up because you open the door to the second cell.

Halster, just moving with no fear, opens the room and sees two butchered bodies. Let me tell you something. Not only are they butchered, there is a preciseness to the way they were butchered that makes you all the more uneasy. And you're standing on one of them on the map. He pulls his boot out and shakes the blood and gore off of it. Does it look like they were butchered by scum? Because we found human bones in the cauldron upstairs. They wouldn't have this type of dexterity, right? It almost seems

surgical. Yeah, all the bones seem to be in place. You don't think you've fought now, killed ten scum. The way that they moved, the way that they fought, they don't seem to have this type of ability.

It's ritualistic, is what it is. He'll redouble his efforts to have bravery, and we'll do a heal check on them to see if he can learn anything else about this surgery. Natural one. So you do a heal check, and you realize

that these bodies were butchered ritualistically. Sir Julia will step forward and do her own heel check. Ten. Yeah, you just get the sense that these bodies were butchered ritualistically. You feel pretty confident about it. Can I do a knowledge religion on the ritual?

Yeah. Joe, would you like to do a knowledge religion on the ritual? No, no. Okay. Yeah. Joe, would you like to do a knowledge religion on the ritual? No, no. Okay. 22. Nope, 20. What's the correct answer? 20.

Can I aid? Sure. After the fact? 22. 22, a little aid there. So what type of ritual is what you're saying? so what type of ritual is what you're saying you don't know

exactly what ritual but you do see that like it seems like this was part of some sacrifice in the hopes of an end goal that's all I'm going to say are any particular organs missing I told you too much

okay you literally said someone did something Are any particular organs missing? I told you too much! Okay. You literally said someone did something in pursuit of an end goal. It's too much. It's too much. Forget I said it. How is that too much? I regret saying that. Wait. That's what regret feels like.

I regret saying that. I learned a new emotion. Good night, everybody. All right, next door. Oh, okay, I thought two out of three wasn't bad. You're the doorman. Is this where our fellow is? No, he's dead. He long dead?

What about here? Did we check this for a secret door? And there's no way to identify either of those bodies as shown or to rule them out as being shown, right? They did not have a blockbuster video name tag that said shown on it.

But then again, no one in this town or world wears that. True. Did we ever actually search the room? This one? No. You know what? Halster searched the first one and found his initials. I'll tell you right now. You search it. There's nothing in it. There's blood everywhere.

It's bad news bears. Cool. What about how recently? Within the last 48 hours. Oh. All right. Final door. Houser swings it open.

And you hear, And you see a young man, shirtless, in rags, speaking in scum tongue. Oh, whoa. They're torturing him. This poor boy has been damaged beyond belief. Is there anything we can do to soothe him? Sir Julia offers her dagger. I'm kidding!

By setting it on his throat. I'm kidding. She would use the greatsword. Hilt forward. He opens his eyes and sees that you're not scum. And he's like, Sorry, I thought you were them. I took Aboleth in high school.

I wanted to take Spanish, but my parents insisted on Aboleth, and I thought it would never come in handy. How wrong I was! My name is Sean Ooh Sean Side quest Sean McIntosh

Sean McIntosh Top of the morning to you Who are you? Have you come to save me? Yes, we've met whole Lisa, your sister And she sent us for you You met my sister to save me? Yes, we've met whole Lisa, your sister, and she sent us for you. You met my sister? She lives? Yes, she does. Apparently, I knew your grandfather. Very, very well.

Very, very well. In the biblical sense. Ah, it's not. I see you are a knight. My sister and I were hoping to be knights as well. You knew my grandfather? Did you fight in the Mendevian Crusades? Indeed I did.

Son of a bitch. What's the language here? This is a paladin. Sorry, I've been tortured and left to eat. Tell us your story. Nothing but thighs. My story, I was taken. I had heard that people about town were being taken,

and I said, not me. I'll never be taken. Your first mistake. Well, it's good that you took such a stand Yes, I said that would never happen to someone like me And then I was fucking taken And imprisoned here in Fort Halecourse But the fort is not what it once was

I mean, I've never spent any time in here But I know about the fort Taken by what? Taken by whom? These scum. They came into the village. No, no, I don't think I was taken by them. I was taken by men. Men wearing robes

and iconography on them. Yellow signs. Did it look like this? And he shows them the symbol of Hastur. Look at it! No! Don't turn away, coward! Please! You'll never be a knight! No!

Yes, it looked exactly like that. It looked like that and they brought me here and I heard them say that they would they were going to sacrifice me to open the gate that's what they did to the others

I could hear their cries and of course since I'm fluent in Aboleth, I heard the scum say that they were a part of it as well, but I don't know what part. To open what gate? Where? When? A pathway.

How? To another world. Why? The blood. They need their blood. Yes, they needed their blood to power a gateway. And I was to be next. Perhaps there's something in my blood. I don't know. But that's where all these people are going.

I think they're taking people and they're sacrificing them and they're using their blood to open a gate to another world. And I think it has something to do... Does anyone have a shirt? I'm very cold. No. Keep talking. I just have this silk blouse. I'll take a silk blouse.

I'm freezing, thank you. They said something about... They said something about The star stelae In town The what? I heard their voices mentioning the star stelae The star stelae?

Wasn't there something in the water? Oh, oh There's monuments There's monuments about town two of them in fact I've never paid much attention to them I'm not a big monument guy you'll never be a knight

you don't know your monuments knights love monuments you can't get enough of them are you here to save me might love monuments, they can't get enough of them. Are you here to save me? We're asking the questions. Anyway, it has something to do with them, I think, because I heard the people that abducted me mention it,

and I even heard the scum mention something about the monuments. I'm sure you can see them from the battlements here. There are two about town. They've been here for as long as I have lived, and I don't know what significance they hold. Like I said, I'm not a big monument guy, but I'll learn. I'll learn, knight.

If you tell me that is the pathway to knighthood, then I shall raise a monument in your honor. Oh. I seek no such reward. I only wish for you to know the tenets of knighthood. Would you teach me? Could I perhaps be your squire? Oh. I shall be honored.

Oh. Here's the thing. You have no mechanical relevance in the game. Well, I've had a couple beers, and now I feel like I'm overcommitting. Perhaps we should sleep on this. Is this regret too? Can I decide by Atlanta

or in Indianapolis if I want to continue to be your squire? Yes. You may take that time. But I expect you to be studying your monuments in the meantime. It's amazing. No one has ever told me that that was

the path to Nigel. It is. It's one of the major tenets. You must be educated in the means of monument appreciation. You'll never get anywhere. I've spent my life eschewing their study. But I will devote myself to knowledge of monuments

in order to best praise Sarenrae. Any ship. What's the plan? That's another important tenet. Yes. Is to learn the name of the god properly. Sarenrae?

Did I say that wrong? There you go. No, that's better. I thought you said something else. Carry on. This really isn't any of my business. No. Sir Julie, you have my silk blouse.

I never told you my name. Oh! And all of a sudden... He turns into a hydra. The hydra comes out. You have discovered my trap. I know of every monument. Sorry, I was using knowledge that I had.

Um, right. Perhaps we should leave him here. I, well, I would like to get out of here. Should I, you are my, my liege for at least this show. Should I follow you or should I leave to go find Julissa? Is it safe to escape here? I do not know. Sir Julie will give him her cold iron dagger to protect himself.

I need that back. I will hold it close to my heart and it will do nothing for my three AC. Stay out of the fight then. All right. Does he know anything else about the layout of the castle? Was it when he was dragged through here? Did he know anything? No, I was beaten by saps to unconsciousness

and dragged here, and I woke up in the cell. Well, they may not have been saps. What? Just because they don't believe the same things you do doesn't make them saps. I have much to learn from you. So, what was your name again? First test.

Passed. Sir Julie Andrews, Knight of the Dawnflower. All right, can we open the store in the south? Yes. By all means. Atticus steps aside. Second test of knighthood. Sir Jolly steps aside.

Open the door, rookie. All right. Come on, freshman. Open it. Open it! All right, all right. It's locked. Can't open it.

It's locked. You fail. You fail. Aldo? Aldo, would you mind? Yeah, could someone please take a close look at it first? 27. Perception for traps on the door. Does not appear to be trapped.

Detect magic on it as well, in case it's a magical trap. Does not appear to be magical, so you feel pretty safe. Okay. Although, steps up tentatively and attempts to... Oh, 20 again. 20 again. Same situation. It will not unlock for you, but since it is

untrapped, you can spend some time. Time that I am tracking to open the door., to open the door. And you open the door, and Sean is like, I've always wondered what's behind that door. You open the door, and moats of dust hang heavy in this room's stale air. Crates and barrels along the damp stone walls line the walls. A plastered portion of the wall in the southwest corner of the room, you see, has begun to crack.

It's pretty evident the second you open this door that this chamber has been undisturbed for a long time. There's a thick coat of dust on everything, like a couple inches thick. Old clothing, out-of-fashion furniture, outdated militia uniforms, disassembled weapon racks, broken furniture that maybe someone had planned to repair at some point,

tapestries in need of patching, extra bedclothes, chamber pots, and a cracked wall. So, Julie, what would you do here? And Halstead detected no magic in the room, right?

Within 60 feet. No magic. Let us search the room, right? Within 60 feet. 60 feet. No magic. Let us search the room and investigate that crack. Yes, the wall. Godlike presence is mentioned twice. That wall, Sir Judy. Yes. As you walk in, if you continue to detect magic, you detect magic on the other side of the plastered wall.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. You're right, Helster. Which wall is it that's cracking? Bar wall? It is the... Southwest. Southwest. What? What?

Where? Okay. No, he's right. He's right. Okay. Southwest, baby. So Julie steps up to the wall. Perception? See if there's some sort of... There was once a door here that's cracking, or if it's just that it's crumbling

and we're going to have to bash through. Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception, Sir Julie, if that's cracking or if it's just that it's crumbling and we're going to have to bash through. Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception, Sir Julie, if that's your real name. Fourteen. Walls aren't your thing. Walls aren't my thing. You're no mason.

I'll take a look. Eighteen Well You two do not know much About this There is something back there Sir Julie Yes Knock it down

Alright Sir Julie we'll try to bash it down with the pommel of her blade You Stay close He says to the uh To Sean Sean Alright, Sir Julie, we'll try to bash it down with the pommel of her blade. You, stay close. He says to the, uh, to Sean. Sean. Alright, rat. Man. He has a name!

My name is Atticus. Atticus. Fine name. Alright. What will you do, Sir Julian? I bash in the wall with the pommel of my blade. Roll a perception check. 25.

Fail. All of you are standing there watching Sir Julian step up to this wall that completely stymies her because she's an idiot when it comes to masonry. And she just in slow motion just starts banging at the wall and Halster's like, I don't even know what's going on with that wall because I'm stupid too. Watch and just I don't even know what's going on with that wall because I'm stupid too watch it and Atticus looks over

and Sean is just looking at you like I think Atticus is a stupid name and you can tell it just by his eyes but he won't say it and Aldo you're standing there watching everyone just happy to be alive and thinking to yourself, Atticus is a stupid man.

But I'd never tell him because he's my friend. She looks back at you. Thumbs up. You got this, Sir Julie. And as she gives that thumbs up, that very Sir Julie-like thumbs up to the rest of the crew, the rest of you see

a body start to emerge from the wall. This ghostly apparition. No! Covered in tattoos along its torso and thighs, depicting swirling abstract monstrosities with too many eyes and too many mouths. And he goes to reach his hand right through Sir Julie's breastplate and he

says you can kill me but you can never take away the fact that I tasted your wife she was a true delight

as our bodies writhed in pleasure. My sweet Namira. I loved her more than you ever could. And we'll see you in Atlanta. Oh! That's it. And we'll see you in Atlanta Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Boston Boston Thank you. We will be back. Thank you.