The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 25 – Sandra BULLock

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

For the first time in Glass Cannon Live! history, the boys did back to back nights of shows so they came all warmed up and ready to rumble for another wild night in Atlanta. As their investigation of Fort Hailcourse continued, the heroes found themselves up against a very familiar and deadly enemy with only a few rooms left to explore! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/MWMOg8Kh_EI Recap 20:32 Gameplay 29:20 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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the whole day through just an old sweet song keeps everybody Georgia on my mind what's up Atlanta oh baby Georgia on my mind. What's up, Atlanta?

Oh, baby. It's Friday night and we are fired up. Friday, baby. This feels like deja vu. I feel like I was just here 24 hours ago and you were here as the cowardly lion and you were the scarecrow and you were here as the cowardly lion and you were the scarecrow and you were here too as the tin man and you were that mean old witch

who thinks he's better than everybody else because he's been to two women's marches. I think there's a musical correcting that narrative. Let me tell you something. There's something I've learned over the last 24 hours. Rock bands have it easy. You come out. You got your set list.

You play instruments that you can play in your sleep. And you jam out the same show night after night. Same thing. Pathetic town after pathetic town. Sad. You're the red hot chili peppers doing two nights in a row in Atlanta. The most creative you're going to get is changing one song in the

encore. Hey man, I got an idea tonight. How about we close with Under the Bridge? That is a fucking great idea, Flea. Thanks, Ketus. Because they're such close friends. Flea. Thanks, Ketus. Because they're such close friends.

Flea just calls him Ketus. Being a rock star is fucking easy compared to what we do. We can't just open with an acoustic version of Californication and hope for the best. It's not going to fly. An epic story is unfolding in front of your eyes in real time tonight. And from the moment we sit down to the moment we head backstage and bang a ton of groupies,

we have no idea what story will unfold tonight. Matthew is the biggest groupie banger of them all. I'm worried about him. For a minute there, I thought you were going to say Matthew is the biggest groupie of them all.

He loves the RHCP. He loves them. his insatiable lust for groupies knows no bounds do you realize the amount of celestial inspiration that goes into what we're about to do tonight when just 24 hours ago women were giving birth

in the aisle and men were lying prostrate on the floor supplicating themselves in awe of our extemporaneous show. It was an eventful night last night. It sure was. If you've heard Billy Joel sing Piano Man live once, you fucking heard it.

If you go back again, it's the same song, not with us. 3,000 of you in attendance here tonight are going to see something special. The primordial clay of imagination that we're going to mold into a two-hour story for you tonight will only happen

once right here right now tonight and you can tell your great-great-grandchildren you were here to see it and if the show is mediocre it's your fault not ours i don't think that's going to happen. This crowd is fired up. I have never done cocaine. However, I feel like I did cocaine. So riled up. With that in mind,

I would like to introduce you to four men who I call, according to a legal document that I have a lot of issues with, business partners. First up, first up don't let his diminutive size fool you he's also physically weak and mentally frail in the face of danger give it up for Matthew Capitacasa

Matthew Capodicasa! Capo di Casa. That stands for Captain of the House, right? We say Head of the House. Captain of the House, stoler of the word, writes a lot of plays that'll never be heard. I was very proud of that.

That's a good one. Skin does not agree. Skin is just angry. I mean, of the musical theater references you can make, I don't want to nitpick, but it's very front door. How dare you? To quote Troy LaValle. Well, I wanted to sing a song that everyone

knew. Not as well versed in musical theater as you what were you going to say? I was just going to ask what that song was ladies and gentlemen he's no longer allowed within 100 feet of a playground because of his mustache. Give it up for Grant Berger! Grant Berger!

We got the mustache nuts in the front row, Troy! It's not going anywhere! Let's take a poll here. How many people are pro-stache? Wow. Wow. All right. But look, this is the same ratio of people that you would be like,

who wants a TPK? See? It's not necessarily a positive thing. I like the hand I've been dealt. The real question is, how many votes does your wife get? She's been very kind the whole time, but like I said... Very understanding woman. It's tearing my...

That means that she hates it. Yeah. So like, if your response was, she loves it, that would be clear. When you say, she's been very kind the whole time. My mom wrote under a picture I posted on Facebook, I think you're more

handsome without the mustache. And Angel wrote, I agree. But yeah, every morning I wake up, I look at myself in the mirror and Linkin Park starts playing. It's just, I tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. That's my mustache.

He's literally been singing that every morning. I'm not kidding. That's his roommate. We need to get you a jean jacket. Folks, this next man is known

to the New York State DMV as Patrick. Give it up for Skidmore! All hail the king! Skid, I don't know if you know this, but there has been what's known as a Glass Madness tournament on the subreddit. And after all the characters that were in our pantheon of shows,

the final two came down to Colonel Luther and Pembroke. And Colonel Luther was robbed. Yeah! Robbed! Yeah! I told you. Troy told me this, and my first thought was,

that's a really good final, because you don't really know who's going to win. Troy's like, Colonel's going to run away with it. And I was like, don't underestimate the Pembroke love. Call me old-fashioned, but I like characters that are still alive. Pembroke lives forever in our hearts. Where does Colonel Luther live I cannot wait till he returns

as Pembroke the White and you can suck it that's a good idea that was my name that is what they used to call me and finally if we were leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, the train would be late or it would explode

or it would pull into the station and everyone aboard would point and laugh at his small penis. Joe Bright, everybody! He's leaving on a midnight train to Georgia And he's going back to find Love you guys How are you buddy? I'm great

Why? Because I didn't drink anything today. I had a lot of water. We had a wild time last night. And, man, it feels so good to not have a margarita and an IPA at 3 in the afternoon. And then come here and have four vodka Cokes. Just be like, I feel horrible. No, I feel great!

This is what Grant feels like all the time. It's pretty good. Curse you and your thinness. No, I'm great. And I want to take this opportunity, first of all, I want to thank everybody here that came back from last night.

So thank you so much. You know who you are. You know who you are. You guys are awesome. Thank you so much. And I just want to do a huge shout out to our entire merch team. You guys are incredible. Yes.

Thank you so much. Carrie! It means so much to us to be able to rely on people that we can trust that really do a great job. And you're doing great. So thank you so much. And thanks to the staff here too at Masquerade. Oh yeah, Masquerade's been great. I mean, look at this

place. It's amazing. The lights, the sound, it's fantastic. Finally, for the smoothest log I've ever touched, thank you to Chris, Ultra Mega Chicken. Amazing work. It's beautiful. May all your logs be smooth praise log

last night's show if you were here it went by crazy fast too fast it's all going by too fast life is going by too fast and soon we'll all be dead I turned 43 at midnight tonight.

My oldest son, I say oldest son, he's three, whose birth I talked about on our flagship show, he had orientation for preschool today. That's how fast fucking time flies. Wow. What do they do at orientation for preschool? You meet your teacher. You meet the other families that have more money than you.

Show the kid to the dorm. They show you how to use your meal card. You help them hang their Lincoln Park poster on the dorm room wall. How to set up your voicemail. It's a whole thing. Meet your roommate. Well, he does share a cubby with a young lady named Ava. Oh.

Whoa. Do I hear wedding bells? I said to my wife, I would like to meet this young lady and her parents to make sure that they're vaccinated. Otherwise, get your own fucking cubby, Ava. Poor Ava. Your parents are stupid. Listen, we're going to have fun tonight but time is moving fast

so if you're unhappy about something in your life fucking change it because you know when you can't change it when you're dead so wise Troy it's too late it's no wonder they call you the prophet on the board So wise, Troy. It's too late. It's too fucking late.

It's no wonder they call you the prophet on the board. Yes. With wisdom like that. I'm wise in my old age. Matthew, you'll know when you hit 30 or however old you are. You'll know true sadness. How old is he? I think he's 24.

I think so. You think I'm... How old do you honestly think I am? You have the beard of a 43-year-old. And the disposition of a 74-year-old. I'm 34. 34! Wow. Wow.

Joe? That's a fun age. Do you remember 34? That's a fun age. Joe was just about to diss you. I'd like you to finish that diss. I was just going to ask if you could remember 34. I thought you were going to say, Skid, do you remember what age you were?

No, I don't. I don't remember 34. Oh, no, wait. No, I don't. No, that was the year after I moved to New York, which I do not remember at all. That makes sense. 34 is a good age. Grant, how old are you?

36. That's why he looks down on Matthew. Those two years. Matthew and I look eye to eye when we lay side by side. Those two years. Matthew and I look eye to eye when we lay side by side. My feet basically touch his knees. You guys head to toe?

Don't worry about it. He's the big spoon. Joe, how old are you? 41, I think. It's hard to remember sometimes. It's not as exciting as it used to be. 41. 41. I think. It's hard to remember sometimes. It's not as exciting as it used to be. 41. 41.

Final answer. Let's talk about everyone's age in the crowd. We'll start with the bottom left. We need some filler tonight. Shut up. Shut up. I saw this really sad meme right before we came on stage. I don't know why I was looking at Instagram, but it was like a bunch of kids.

It was so sad. I shouldn't even tell you, but I will. And it was a bunch of kids, and they were all just like so happy. It looked like they were playing stickball in the yard. And it said something to the effect like, a day will come when it's the last day you'll play outside with your friends,

but you won't know it's the last day you'll play outside with your friends, but you won't know it's that day. Jesus Christ. Troy. What the fuck? That's horrible. Is that not the darkest reality? Jesus.

They look so happy, so carefree. Do you remember the day you were playing with your toys and you were like, I don't want to play with these anymore? I don't remember that day. That's when it all died. But you never played with your toys and you were like, I don't want to play with these anymore. I don't remember that day. That's when it all died. But you never played with your toys. So you never had to experience that. No, I didn't let other people play with my toys. Remember that last day you were carefully preserving your toys?

I didn't let other people play with my toys, but I played with them. I just assumed that they touched their genitals and then touched my toy. And I don't want their genital shavings on my GI jobs. Don't think that's too much to ask, Grant. Sorry. I cleaned up.

That made me really sad. That and Matthew's comment about so many Christmases left. I'm just depressed. That was months ago. I still thought about it every single day. And then I see this meme of the kids playing stickball. It's really sad. What the fuck?

At least yesterday when I brought everyone down with my Martin Luther King thoughts, it was for something good. Yeah. There's no good that can come out of your musings about this. Can we have like a happy confrontation with mortality? It's also Harry's birthday tonight. Yeah! Harry!

We're here for Harry. That's Emmy Award winner Harry Watson. Emmy Award winning videographer. He put together that hype video you saw earlier. That was Harry. So thank you, Harry Watson. Emmy award winning videographer. He put together that hype video you saw earlier. That was Harry. So thank you, Harry. The thing is amazing.

He chose to spend this most special of days working for us. Yes. Actually, Grant, was it you that said the funny thing to him? Which funny thing? It was like, what does it feel like to be 24? Oh yeah, I asked him, how does it feel

to be 28? And he said, it feels like 19 years ago. Dad humor. That's a lot of it backstage. It's awesome. Well, some of the characters

in tonight's show may be reflecting on their lives and their life choices in the face of death. Because although I say this a lot, I'm prone to hyperbole. Tonight's combat

that we're starting the show with has character killer written all over it. See, they're excited. They're out of blood. All right. So don't, I'm just saying, take that into account

when you ask if you should shave your mustache or not. Let's take a quick poll of the audience. How many people want to see PC death tonight? It's a little more tepid than the mustache lovers out there. Let's see what we can do. Maybe we should all grow one. Maybe we should just shave everything off except the stache.

Oh, my God. Matthew with just a mustache. It's so scary to think about. I've done it before. I do not want to see it. I don't even want to picture it in my mind. I've done it before. You've got to shave the beard in stages.

You do your Civil War. Then you do your General Custer. That's fun. Then you just go down to the Tom Selleck eventually. Then you do the Hitler. Then you're done. We've all done it. We've all done it.

We don't talk about it. Literally every time. You're done. We've all done it. We've all done it. We've all done it. You don't talk about it. We've all done it. Literally every time. I may have less and less Christmases to look forward to, but I can look forward to the Hitler in the bathroom mustache when I shave this bad boy off. You've got to do it. It's fun.

You come out of the bathroom, make a funny German voice. Can I do the Charlie Chaplin instead? Do the Great Dictator. Yes, that's the mustache. This got really fucking dark. It did, yeah. How was the Atlanta show? It was fine until they started talking about Hitler.

I thought that was going to be like one of you that was like, oh yeah. But all four of you? I've made some choices in my life that I now regret. Well, I'd like to make a choice that I won't regret. Let's take it to the recap. Oh, it's time. Yeah, Grant!

That's how you recap. Better with sound. You, four characters, have come to the city of Thrushmore. Smooth start. Shut up. You four characters. You characters. These rascals. You've come to the city of Thrushmore to try and figure out what your connection is to this mysterious Count Hazerton Lowes IV,

the leader of the county who has disappeared after possibly draining the town dry of funds. Used to work for him in some capacity, you know that. And he basically traded you to Briarstone Asylum for the chance to spend time with one of the patients there, a man named Oliver Zandalus. Praise, praise. A man whose drawings seem to indicate that his mind had connection to other worlds, connections to the dreamlands. to the dreamlands. So you get out of the asylum and you come here and the count's gone. A lot of people are gone, in fact. You know that there is a cult of the king in yellow in town

kidnapping people and killing them to use their blood to power gateways to other worlds using the two star st stars delay in town. You have not seen these stars delay, but now that you're atop the battlements, those of you who survive might want to take a look at the horizon. Ooh. Let me ask you this. If you're a cultist of a deep one or an elder mythos god,

what do you think your plan is when opening a portal to another world? Pack a bag, bring a towel. You've misunderstood the question. What is your goal? What's your end game in opening portals to other worlds? Well, either to go through them or bring other stuff through them here. No, but like, why

are you doing that? Power. World domination. No. Just to pierce through the veil of the dark tapestry and see what's on the other side. To embrace the unknown and its infinite madness. Maybe you just want to check out the real estate

on the other side, too. Yeah, that's true. Property values in the dream worlds might be actually pretty favorable these days. Depends on their proximity to a Trader Joe's, but I wouldn't disagree. But it does seem like there are people who are not very good at long-term planning

because it seems like the only possible outcome is the total destruction of everything real. Right. I think you've hit on something there, Skin. And here's the thing. Sir Julie and Halster's holy training and Aldo and Atticus's intelligence. Aldo, of course, being the superior mind.

But both of them are wildly intelligent, even though Aldo is much, much smarter. You would all know, even the dumb rat, that cultists of these deities want their gods to come here to Galerion, wipe out civilization, and let they, the ones who brought them here, live as kings among the ashes. That's the end goal.

Maybe there are some of them that want to go out there to King and Yellow Town, USA. But they really want to open a portal for Cthulhu to come here, wipe everyone out, and then ride Cthulhu off into the sunset. I said Cthulhu earlier. You did. Either way, this is world-altering shit. Whether they're capable or not, you don't know. You bested some of these cultists in town. Meanwhile, through all of this, you've learned that the Count's parents had their own crazy shit going on. It appears that Count Hazerton Lowell III's

wife, Namira Lowell, may have been having an affair with a man named Dr. Climes Pret. No. Yes. This is a guy who was way into the occult and eldritch lore, enough so that he covered his body in swirling tattoos of monstrosities with too many eyes and too many mouths. How do you know this? Because in the basement you fought his

restless spirit and then found his tortured remains. You'd already found records that Pret was arrested and thrown in jail for treason for poisoning Liles III, Halster thinks, last night, and he got a bottle cap at the after-party for this. After-party cap, after-sesh cap. First ever. First ever. Which I told him is valid only at after-parties. Fuck.

Halster thinks that perhaps Liles found out that his wife was fooling around on him, framed Pratt, and left him here to die. The Lileses both died suddenly as well, so there's a lot going on, and it confuses a dumb character like Joe's. And a dumb person like Joe.

I'm so bad at comebacks I just have to take it after clearing out the basement you do a sweep of the first floor then head upstairs where you encounter a scum sorcerer who cast grease on the staircase and then sat back as hilarity ensued

because Sir Julie the clumsy oaf, kept slipping and falling over and over again. And then others fell as well. And Sir Julie's clumsy, oafish body broke their fall. But you're able to defeat the scum sorcerer. Stabilize it. And with the help of your new companion, Shun,

and his fluency in Aboleth, you find out that the scum were hired to take over the fort by Melisen, this woman you keep hearing about, Laul's mysterious assistant who was left in charge of his estate at Iris Hill, the same Melisen that bought sleep-inducing drugs of some rando druid. And someone you imagine must be tied up in all this cult activity as well. But as you reach the battlements and Sir Julie, instead of attempting to use stealth, just hurls her gargantuan foot against the door to kick it open. Two choo-choo zombie guards patrolling the battlements come over to inspect the noise.

As you ready battle positions, knowing that a fight is about to go down, Aldo, Atticus, and Sean still inside the ransacked bedroom. Sir Julian Halster stand back to back like fucking superheroes awaiting the zombie attack but so focused are they on the guards. They don't notice

as another id ooze appears and reaches out to quite possibly kill one of them. Both of you failed your perception check, so it will get the jump on you. Now, hey, last night we started the show. I had the jump on you as well with that ghost. Roll the natty three. So there's hope, Matthew. There's hope, Grant. old and natty. Three! So there's hope, Matthew. There's hope, Grant.

The question is, the question that's kept me up all night, that I woke up today in a stupor, wondering about is who do I attempt to slam, grab, constrict, and kill? Let's go to the map.

We're already there. Sorry. Well-oiled machine. We'll talk about this later. I could just roll a d4. 1, 2, Sir Julie. 3, 4, Halster.

You could also roll a d100, do odds and evens. I sure could. You could roll a d6. You could also roll a D100 and do odds and evens. I sure could. You could roll a D6. You could roll a D10. Matthew, I have seven dice here. I could do a lot of things. You could roll all of them and then just...

This seems like the type of show I need to poll the audience. Oh, wow. Don't ask them. Both characters end up with a mustache. Mustache. A lot of people are pro-mustache. Will they be pro-Halster? Should I attack

Sir Julie? That was... I'll remember that. That was not loud. That was... I'll remember that. That was not loud. There was just one really loud dude who really doesn't like Sir Julie. Or a loud dude that knows tactically it's better for us if she gets attacked.

Who thinks I should attack Halster? the people have spoken people have spoken I never knew exactly what a broken heart sounded like you failed your perception check so let's just get this surprise round out of the way. Am I right?

Let's just get it out of the way. Let me just grab this guy right here. I can't watch. This is making me sick. This is bad. This is bad. I'll be honest. I don't want to kill you.

It's too hard to bring in a new character to this story. It's a lot of work. It's not up to me. Here we go. Grant, stop looking over here. I see you. I've built a barrier of beer and water. A beerier. Oh, there you go. A beerier.

I'm in my log cabin. Nice log. Alright, here we go I'll have you roll initiative after we find out the result of this slam come on flat footed AC

91 haven't looked haven't looked haven't looked 19 19 on the die I haven't looked. 19. 19? On the die?

19 total against flat-footed A-Sizzle. Oh, no. My flat-footed A-Sizzle is a 21. Oh, yeah! Roll for initiative! Roll for initiative! Roll for initiative! Woo-hoo-hoo! You can turn the top of my car now. Holy shit.

Oh, amazing. I mean, they have spent the entire time backstage before the pre-show just talking strategy for this, and a lot of it hinged on whether or not I hit in the surprise round. Let's see what happens. Aldo, what did you roll for initiative? Oh, did we roll for initiative? Yes.

He said it. It got lost in the shop. Roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll. Roll for initiative. Uh, 10. 10. Atticus. 25. 25. 10. Atticus. 25.

Ooh. So you're telling me there's a chance. How's the price? 21. Yes! Flat-footed AC and initiative. Check it. Now here's where it all comes down.

This is big, Sir Julie. It is. What'd you get? Oh, I was talking about my initiative because I rolled a natty 17. Oh, baby! Yeah! Clap them. It's 4 and 18.

4 and 18. That was a good job of selling that. That was a good roll. That's great. It doesn't get much better for Sir Julie. If you would have just said 18, yeah. All right. It is round one.

You see this ooze right next to you? Let's take a look at this guy again. Oh, God. Oh. Oh. Oh, he's got a little Terminator 2 to him. And he's pure id. You know that he does acid damage. You know that he does acid

damage. You know that he's immune to fire. Yes! God, I love it so much! You've also got this mofo over here. Choo-choo zombie! And you hear the clinkety-clank of another one coming from the north.

It's round one. It's Atticus's turn. Atticus is going to... He's going to go... So he's cast almost all of his spells. We're at the end of the line here. So he is going to go... So he's cast almost all of his spells. We're at the end of the line here. So he is going to go to his Arcane Bonded Object,

which allows him to cast one spell from his entire spellbook, prepared or not, once a day. Okay. And he's going to begin casting a spell. It's this crazy eldritch pendant, and it, like, slots open this purple eye, and he starts casting. Okay. Okay, you've been watching a lot of Doctor Strange.

Yes. Halster, this thing just reached out and, I mean, it hit you, but you were able to move in just a way that it couldn't find purchase. What do you do? I'm thinking about going back into the room. Sir Julie, played by Matthew Capitacazza, just nodded at you. That is not allowed in the game of hearts. I'm going to...

That's true. I'm going to withdraw into the room. That is my turn. Withdraw into the room. A full withdraw, which will not provoke an attack of opportunity. It is Sir Julie's turn. Yes. Sir Julie will also move into the room.

I'm not going to withdraw. I'll take a five-foot step to get out of melee and then move into the room. Okay. You're going to share a space with Aldo? On my roll 20, I'm not sharing a space with anybody. Shocking. Okay. You all see it, right?

I'll just play like this. All right, so what I'm going to do now... I don't think you know how unfunny that joke is for the audio audience. You really can't hear anything. That's why you need to fly to fucking Atlanta and watch the show live. Exactly. Exactly. All right. All right.

Friday night. All right, it is one of my some bitches turns. I'll call him Undead Mercenary 2. And Undead Mercenary 2 is this guy down here. And he's going to go... That's how he talks. Oh, what do I want to do here? Oh, I want to tumble through your fucking square so bad.

I know you've been planning this all day. You want my guys to just pile up, create a bottleneck so you can slash away like a coward? Please, by all means, tumble through. By all means. Or try. Shut up. He is going to... Delay.

No. No! No! He's going to move right to there, and then wait. He nods to the ooze. They have a plan, too. I'm so glad these mindless zombies have such a grasp on tactics. I know.

I'll have you know, these zombies have an intelligence of ten. Oh. Oh. Wow. Oh, yeah, no, actually, yeah, juju zombies. Juju zombies. Juju zombies. Always been true. He moved.

Since Fiendfolio. Can I move and then still do my standard later? But you have to ready. So you have to have a triggering event. Okay. Maybe I have one, maybe I don't. It's the ooze's turn. The ooze is just going to go...

Right up to Sir Julie. You brought this on yourself. Now, if he's got a 21 flat-footed, this is just against your regular AC, so I have to roll high. But if I get you, Sir Julie, you're toast. 14? Miss.

So bad. So very bad. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo is going to like he sees this the very type of creature that put him on death's door mere hours ago

and he is a bit nervous he's just like oh wait due to my improved recently improved intellect I've just thought of the most cunning plan. And he pops off a previously unused vial on his bandolier and chugs it.

Chugs something from his bandolier. I will say, based on your position here, you know, you're not going to provoke. Only Sir Julie would in this situation where it is outside. So Aldo drinks something. At that moment, a friend joins the fight. We'll call him Undead Mercenary One. And...

Coming from the north whoa stretchy man it's minute pole damn he's good he has a long bow and he shoots it at Sir Julie who will get a plus four to her AC

as it's shooting through the id oooos. Here we go. 22? Miss. Shut up. Yeah! Dude.

Because of the cover. Oh, okay. Nice work. It is now Sean's turn. Sean! Dressed in only a silk blouse and carrying a mere dagger, he looks to you, Sir Julian, and says, What should I do, brave knight?

Ready yourself, Shone. The fight may soon be in the room. All right. Should it come into here, should I attempt to strike out at it? If it should come in here, you should act your bravest.

Or, if you feel you need to interpret, well, maybe we should have a conversation later about your true destiny as a knight or as an interpreter for the courts. All right, Sir Julie. You are my master. Round two. Atticus. Wait, so what was the instruction?

I felt it was clear to Sean. Got it. Sean and Sir Julie understand. Atticus is going to complete his casting of Summon Monster 3. Oh! What do you summon? You hear this deep, basic groan as behind the ooze,

in front of the dude that has the bow, and adjacent to them both is a large oryx. Ah! An oryx. Like a big bull. It's like a bull, basically. Like a big bull. A bull?

A bull, basically, yeah. And it's large. It's like... And it lands between them and immediately attempts to gore the ooze. It's that big? Yeah. Yep. It is a large...

And it's celestial. It is a celestial or And it's celestial. It is a celestial Oryx from heaven. All right, let me see if I can do something about that. There it is. Now it's a ghostly pool. What is the Oryx's name? Come on, Joe, you're live in front of 500 people. Thank you.

It is Sandra. Sandra. Sandra. Sandra Oryx. Sandra Oryx. Sandra the Oryx? Yes. And it is going to attempt to gore the Ooze Natty 16.

Yeah! That's going to do it. It actually does pretty decent damage to nine points of horn damage. Nine points of gore damage to who? To the Ooze. To the Ooze. All right.

This is not what I was expecting. Good move, Sandra the Oryx. Nice work on the pawn. Nice work. Let's check off the Oryx. Do you want to move it all and then... Oh, yeah, I have a whole action. You've got a whole action.

I get a whole turn. I am going to draw my crossbow and load it. Okay, keep in mind the ooze can't be flanked. I don't know if you added that into your thing. It has a low AC, but... I didn't. Okay. I know that it can't be flanked.

All right, so you load your crossbow. Can you fire it this round? No, I didn't have it out, so I draw it and load it. Halster Price. Halster is going to take a five foot step dropping Red Destiny and pulling out his plus one returning dagger and then will cast

Bless on the entire party. Oh, nice. Huge. It is not time to follow the spiral staircase to the other world. We must fight and live another day. Okay.

Great. What about Sir Julie? Well, I'm going to attack the ooze. Alright. I hope you fumble. That's rather rude. I thought we were having a good time. I don't. I roll a 22 to hit. That is a hit against

the ooze. The unarm the ooze. The unarmored ooze. 19 points of damage. Yes. Yes! Cut it up. I was so excited last time when you guys were fighting the ooze.

I was so wrapped up in the excitement of it that I forgot a very important thing about it. Oh no. As you strike this ooze with your beautiful greatsword, you realize that the acid coating its body wants to corrode your weapon. Give me a reflex save.

All right. Does it matter if the weapon is magical? No. Okay. He says not knowing the answer. I was like, no. Thirteen.

Thirteen. Not even close. Here's what's going to happen. I'm so mad that I didn't do this last time, but there was a lot going on. Your weapon has a hardness of twelve and twenty hit points. However, when you strike at it right now, it takes six points of damage.

Oh. Which, with a hardness of 12, means it does nothing to your weapon. Sometimes I get excited for no reason. That was thrilling. Wait, and can I take my move action now? You may. I'm going to close the door. I didn't even... For the listeners at home,

Troy is broken. He looks uninterested in continuing. If only the Juju zombie had thought tactically and used its ten intelligence to try to get inside the room, because I think the juju zombie has opposable thumbs. Well, it is the juju zombie's turn.

And with a move action, he opens the door. Shagunk. It opens up. Close it again. All right, so I just want to be clear. Because this also came up in the green room. We thought of everything.

So you now just made the decision, which we were unsure of, that you can open that door, caddy corner, to the door. Yes. Alright. You know why? Because the handle just happened to be on this side. What's amazing is it says right in the book

where the handle of the door is. Really. It's so weird that just for this one encounter they happened to mention the placement of the handle. How dare you come in here? That is unfortunately specific. They have thought of everything. They have thought of everything.

Wait, I have a question. Okay. We found out in our, and also in our strategizing, we kept asking you questions about what we knew about the ooze, and one thing we found out in our, and also in our strategizing, we kept asking you questions about what we knew about the ooze. And one thing we found out was that the ooze is mindless.

Why wouldn't it attack the juju zone? Some oozes are mindless. Maybe not this ooze. This is an id ooze. After all, have you heard of id, ego, and super ego? Yes, the id is the part without the conscious ego

working upon it. Right, it's not an ego ooze. It's not an ego ooze. It's not an ego ooze. That's you! Don't you play mental gymnastics with me, Capitacasa! It's an intelligent ooze. It doesn't have a great

intelligence. It's probably as good as Atticus's intelligence. It's about as smart as the dumb rat. It is not as wise as Aldo. I'm not wise at all. The mercenary will open the door and then he will move into the id spot in an attempt to tumble into the room

because I hate everything you've decided to do to me. So what the hell is the DC of this? Acrobatics to tumble through? Do you have it in front of you? Well, first you provoke from the oryx. All right, take your oryx hit. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Natural two. You're lucky. Get out of this one. And I will attempt to tumble through. I might have it right here. DC something or other. Let's see what I roll. It's your CMD plus five. I failed. I rolled a natural five. Yes! So, AOL. I failed. I rolled a natural five. Yes!

So, A-O-O. A-O-O. I got a die last night from, I think she's still in the audience. Rachel, are you here tonight? Rachel. Yeah! Rachel! I'm going to roll it right now.

23 to hit. That's a hit. Yeah, Rachel! Yeah! Thank you, Rachel! 20 points of damage. You already know they have DR5, and the only thing that cuts through is magic,

and your magical weapon does. 20 points of damage, dear lord. But the door is open for the Yidus. Come on! You've ruined this show! People are going to be asking for their money back on the way out. Turning in the shirts and dice they bought just because you wanted to close a door. Come on, natural 20.

Now I want to kill you. Okay. It's a very good roll. This is going to be... Oh, come on. It's such a tweener for you. 23. It gets me. Oh, come on. It's such a tweener for you. 23. It gets me.

Oh, no! Oh! We're okay. We're okay. We're okay. All right. Let's talk about some damage here. First, you're going to take 12 points of regular.

Then you're going to take two points of acid. And then it's going to attempt to grab you and squeeze the fucking life out of you. Oh, baby. Does a 25 beat your CMD? Yes.

So Julia's now grabbed. If you saw the show in, was it Boston? What are you asking? What's the question? When you fought the Yadus, right? You now know that this creature, if it succeeds on an attack,

it will then constrict you. However, one mistake I made at the last show is in addition to the constricting damage, it also does the slam damage just for succeeding on re-grappling you. So, Sir Julie, you might want to start building a backup. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo, seeing Sir Julie being engulfed

by his nemesis this creature from his recent nightmares finishing his spell from his extract takes a five foot step back and focuses his glare on this writhing

liquid metal mass. Oh, just get ready for a big surprise. And he casts Enlarged Person on Julie. Oh! Oh! What? Oh, my God. Immediately breaking the grapple. Incredible. What? Oh my god, immediately breaking the grapple, incredible

Yeah, can the medium creature engulf a large creature? I don't think so Yes, question mark How? He's not engulfing you, he's just grappling you He's covered in ooze

oh my god she's huge look at her and he so he does the enlarging give me any chance to break the grapple no what are you just making up rules on the fly

I'm asking no you can't however it should increase your ability to escape. Could increase your ability to not be re-grappled. What are you touching down there?

What are you doing, Grant? Get your hand off my knee. There's no power going to my PC right now. I'm plugging it into another. Oh, dear. Yes. Everything's going according to plan. Thank you. The mastermind. You can close as many doors as you want, but I control the power.

It is undead mercenary one's turn, and he is forced to drop his bow, draw his sword, and swing at this oryx named Sandra. Sandra. Two hands. He swings down with his masterwork longsword. Eat shit, Sandra.

Oh! Natty 18, almost a critical threat. That's going to be a 27. That is a hit. You take 13 points of damage. Oh, no. Just hacks at it, like at the end of... Sandra's...

What is that, Apocalypse Now, when they're chopping them? Yeah. That's what it is. Usylov. That's his turn. Can't believe it's still an Usylov. That's his turn. I can't believe it's still an Usylov. The horror. The horror.

It's Sean's turn. Sean looks to Sir Julie. Oh, no! Oh, no! Grant, you should really plug that computer in. Hey! You don't need to react to everything that happens. Just let it go.

Keep on playing. Sean looks to Sir Julie and says, Should I act now? Oh, large one. What was the question? Should I act now? Oh, large one. What?

Oh, oh, large one. Oh. I thought you were asking me, I thought you were saying, Should I act now or large one? I was like, large one what? A complaint large one oh I thought you were asking me I thought you were saying should I act now or lodge one I was like lodge one what a complaint a formal complaint lodge the complaint Shong

yes if there's something you can do Shong now would be the time he looks around and realizes there's nothing he can do stay there Shong judge me it is now Atticus's turn. Can you heal me? No.

I'm level zero. There's a potion on my belt. Where? I can't see it. You're so large. It's at eye level. Who said that? There are several potions on my belt. I can't see them. They're huge. Matthew,

I also think you need to deepen your voice. Your Sir Julie voice. There are several large potions on my belt, Sean. Emma, who do you got? Sean gains the panda's condition. It is Atticus's turn. Atticus, you're standing

in the back of the room next to Sean. Sean. With Halster in front of you, you're standing in the back of the room next to Sean. With Halster in front of you, you see a giant Sir Julie grappled just around her thigh and the small of her back by this ooze. He's

going to say, Halster, get up there and take out that ooze! And he's going to ready an action to fire his crossbow when Halster gets out of the space in front of him, if he does. And Sandra, he also, like, with his mind, he's talking to Sandra, and he's just like, the ooze, only the ooze.

And so the Oryx, despite taking this hit from the other creature, is going to gore, attempt to gore the ooze. And so the Oryx, despite taking this hit from the other creature, is going to attempt to gore the ooze. Here we go. That is a 13 to hit. It is a hit. Alright. Beautiful. Beautimous.

Max damage. 15 points of goring damage. Yes, Sandra. It is Halster's turn. Listen, I just played Resident Evil Village, and I got a taste for beautiful big women with Lady Dimitrescu. So I am excited for a large Sir Julie.

Do you need healing now, Sir Julie? I will tell you in game terms. Oh, wait, deep voice. I will tell you in game terms. I have 39 of 56 hit points. All right. I think I can wait. I'm going to stay where I am

and Swift Action empower my dagger with the power of Phrasma to enlarge its weapon dice to 1d8 from 1d6 and throw the dagger at the ooze. Alright, you've got a big old Sir Julie in the way.

Terrible roll four on the die. Total of? Total of minus four for not having precise shot will be an eight. The dagger hits Sir Julie in the throat. It is Sir Julie's turn. You have a dagger

in your throat. Does it not hit the ooze? No. With the grapple condition? No. Why don't you want to move? Why don't you just go up there and hit it? We need to get damage on this thing fast. I can. I can. But I don't know if Troy's going to allow me to strike it from here.

You can. It just gets covered. But it's got such a low AC. It's half a dozen of one, but you can fire your crossbow now. It's got a really low AC. So you throw that off and then you step into the corner there to maybe attack it next round. And you'll also be able to AOO any of those juju zombies that try to get in or whatever.

All right, I'm going to try to take a shot. It's going to be tough. What was your ready to action? When he vacates the space, I'll shoot at the ooze. No, that is a miss with a nine. Big old miss. Sir Julie, have you added the grappled condition to your character? I did indeed.

Have you added the enlarged trait to your character? I did indeed. Have you added the enlarged trait? Yes, I have. Okay, what do you want to do? What are my options for breaking the grapple? Sure. What are they? Escape artist or... Or CMB. CMB. Or CMB.

I don't think that's... The enlarged person doesn't give me only give me a you know I get a I do get a bonus to my CNB but I only have a plus 8

I'm sure to break out it's going to be so high yeah alright but thought you guys thought of everything just damage it

damage it alright Sir Julie cannot wield her greatsword now because that's a two handed weapon so she will

free action drop the greatsword the corroded is's a two-handed weapon. So she will, free action, drop the greatsword. Is it still a two-handed weapon when you're enlarged? Yes, it's an enlarged greatsword. The now corroded weapon falls to the ground and slides down the stairs. Oh, my God. Sir Julie will draw her masterwork cold iron dagger, which also is enlarged. Okay. And I will power attack

with the dagger. Can you also furiously focus at it? No. Furious focus, you have to be using a one-handed weapon. You have to wield it with two hands. Oh, that's right. That's awesome.

All right. So just power attacks. What's awesome. So just a power attack. What's that? I called you nerds. Nerds. Okay, 20 to hit. 20 to hit? That's a hit. Yes. Okay, 12 points of damage.

Nice. Just shivving it. Okay. The dagger corrodes as well. And I will swift action lay on hands. On yourself? Wow, awesome. Yes.

Okay. I hate you so much. It is Undead Mercenary 2's turn, and he will strike around the corner at Sir Julie with her bonus jury seat from cover. Give yourself a plus four. Won't matter. This guy's a badass.

Here we go. 27 to hit. Whoa. Natty 18 again, almost a crit. That is going to be 12 points of damage. See, it's bad. It's bad if they're hitting you, too. Because now it's the id oozes turn.

That's what we were trying to avoid. I will roll to maintain the grapple. Should I succeed, you will take slam damage, acid damage, and constrict damage. Ah, shit. Natural 20. Oh, no. Everywhere around the world

we're coming to America. That should be a critical grab. Instead it's just guaranteed damage. God, that would have been great. All right, here we go. Let's talk about the slam dam.

That is eight points and six acid. Is that max acid? It is. Healing. And then you'll take the constrict damage. Is that max acid? It is. Healing is very good now. And then you'll take the constrict damage, which is nine points. So Julie is now sitting at ten hit points. Oh, God, that's so bad.

That's even worse than unconscious, because unconscious it might release it and move on. But now, oh, man. Bad news. Now, I already gave you the acid damage with the slam. Do I give the acid again for the constrict? Why? It's the same acid.

No, I hear some no's. Let's take a poll from the crowd. And then one young lady just go, no. How many people think it should take the acid from the constrict? That's all I need to hear. Five points of acid damage from the constrict. That's like a permanent death call. Yeah, we're in pretty bad territory here.

Blame it on the crowd from Atlanta. Boy, if you get that rule wrong, the nation will never forgive you. Are you sure about that, Troy? Dude, I get rules wrong every week. Never stop me. Aldo, it's your turn. Things are

bad. Oh, shit. Wow. I'm out of cure spells. I have potions on my belt, but I am large. Right. I could administer a giant cure spell, cure potion to you. spell, cure potion to you.

Actually, okay. I do have potions of cure light. Is that against a willing target? Is that just a standard action? It's a full round action to administer. To like a conscious

willing person? I think so. I don't know. Administering a potion, I've always thought, was a full-round action. The question is, can you reach a mouse? I mean, I know we do that, because ordinarily when we do it, it's against somebody who is unconscious.

But I don't know whether we ever... We don't normally do it to someone who is... Yeah, give me that potion! It's a full-round action to administer to an unconscious creature. But yeah, give me that potion. It's a full round action to administer to an unconscious creature. But yeah, that is interesting. Can a player administer a potion to an ally who is

conscious? Provoke an AOO, which you don't have to worry about that. Yeah, it just sounds like a complicated set of maneuvers, because you've got to draw the potion, right? And then administer it. You can do it, but that's your turn. That's what I'm doing.

Okay. Alright, so you take it and you hurl it into her giant mouth. I can throw anything. I throw it right into her mouth. Yeah, this is your jam. She eats the glass, said Mahalia.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Aldo. I love large Sir Julie. I know. I've got to save large Sir Julie. Out of all of us, she must survive. Is it plus one or is it your... No, no, it's plus one.

Okay. All right. Five points. All right. Five points. All right. Every little bit matters. You undid that acid bullshit. I looked it up and I think I did it right. Let's move on to Undead Mercenary 1.

No one ever talks about him, but they should because he's going to kill Sandra Sandra no you're so brave here he goes another Natty 18 I'm so close

to that critical threat guaranteed hit here we go for damage max damage 14 points of damage is your bull dead? I can't exit out. Sandra's no more. Damn it!

I wanted to get one more gore in there, but 27 points of damage and two hits. Yeah. 1d8 plus 6. That's pretty good for a cow. Look at this setup. Imagine what this feels like. You decided to move into this tiny ransacked bedroom. You've created a bottleneck for these enemies.

But Sir Julius is sitting there grappled and just being strangled to death. While these other mercenaries have been barely hit. Terrifying. And it is now Sean's turn. Sean. And he does nothing. So it goes to Shon's turn. Shon. And he does nothing. So it goes to Atticus's turn, top of round four, I believe. Out of the woods.

Atticus is seeing the desperation here. He's got no healing ability. There's nothing he can do for Sir Juley. But he says, I think now is the time. And he pulls out little trinkets that he found tied to a sack under a dock that his

former self left behind for some reason. Maybe this was the reason. I don't know if it's going to be enough. But he pulls out his pearl of power to cast one spell he's already cast today. And that is going to be magic missile. Oh, yes.

Come on. Need some good rules here, Atticus. Come on, buddy. Here we go. Three missiles. Max on that one. Oh, and that was good. That's ten.

Ten total force damage to the ooze. It was magic missile. Yeah, the people have spoken. The ooze still stands. Shit. Here, the people have spoken. Ah! The ooze still stands. Shit! Here's the situation. We're all having a good time, having a couple pops with our friends on a Friday night in Atlanta, but

if you don't kill this creature before its turn, I think it's going to kill you, Sir Julie. May not, but it's a dire situation. Halster can still heal you, but it's a dire situation. Halster can still heal you, so it's the question of whether you'd want the healing as the

buffer to your death, or you want to gamble on Halster getting a hit off on this. Well, would you believe it? It's Halster's turn. If you heal me, that feasibly could get, you know, possibly could get me another round to hit it. Okay. I'll heal you. Because you are the fairest knight of them all.

Unless Joe has an objection. He looks like he has an objection. You know, I don't object. He always looks like that. I feel like we're close. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm trying to think of the math in my head.

We've done like 30 to 40-ish, I think. Maybe. Ah, yeah. But you always hit it next round. We've done like 30 to 40-ish, I think. Maybe. Ah, yeah. But you always hit. I don't know. Oh my god. This is horrible. Alright, let's give it to the audience. Should Halster heal?

Sounds like a heel crowd. Or should he hit? It's a heel. Max healing. 13 points of healing. Good call, Atlanta. In Slum National Underground. It's outcast.

It is Sir Julie's turn. Followed by the Mercenary. Followed by the Id Ooze. Don is Sir Julie's turn, followed by the mercenary, followed by the id ooze. Don't forget, last round, the mercenary hit you as well. I remember. I'm going to swing at the ooze. Okay.

Okay, with a hit, natty 13. Okay. Only one of these. Okay, 12 points of damage. Still up. Okay. I haven't touched its HP.

Like, it is exactly by the book HP. You're very close. What's the guy left? Very close. Like, if Halster would have done 10 points of damage, would it be dead? Yes. God damn it. I knew it.

I'm going to lay on hands. Okay. Okay. My grit. Oh dear. Here we go. But you'll live another round. Yeah. Or will you stay conscious another round? I'm at 28 hit points. Okay. There's a chance. A lot's going to depend on

whether the mercenary hits. If the mercenary hits... Oh, right. Mercenary is the real variable. I've been rolling too hot. I feel like I'm due for a stinker. Give yourself a plus four to AC. Okay. Nine AC is lower because of the grappled condition and the enlarged person.

Sure is. Here we go. Masterwork longsword around the corner. Plus four to your AC that's been lowered because you're large. Natty, 17. That's going to be a 26 to hit. No, no, no. 1d8 plus 6 damage.

10 points of damage. Oh man, this is right on the razor's edge. And now it is the Idu's turn. He could roll a natural one on the main team. He could. He could? He could.

Here we go. Oh, man. This is stressful. I feel like I'm in the audience. He's grappled. So his to hit is down. His CMB's a little bit down, but he does get the bonus because of grab. All right, here we go. We're having a good time. 21?

Yes. Oh! My CMD is 19. Oh! Is it 19? Yeah, there's a minus 2 to Dex. Yeah. So Aldo killed you, is what you're saying.

No, because I get a plus one to size. What I heard was it's Skid's fault. All right. Eight points of Slam Dam. Okay. Three points of Acid. Okay. And now the Constrict.

I'm going to throw up. Eleven points of Constrict! I'm gonna throw up. 11 points of Constrict. At that moment. Oh yeah! I forgot about this! My final uses of Lay on Hands for the day activate my second chance ability, and I automatically lay on hands myself, because the condition is hitting zero hit points.

Oh! So you said 11? 11. Okay. You've still got more acid damage coming. Okay, I get nine hit points back. Yeah! Yes!

Yes! I'm sitting at five. Five. And you take three points of acid. What? Yeah! Yes! Two hit points.

Two hit points. His name is John Cena. We're not out of the woods yet, though. This is bad. We have to finish this now. This is still very bad. It is Aldo's turn. Wow. Yeah, Aldo

from where he's standing has very little option. He is going to lively slither his way past Atticus to the southwest corner of the room and pray that the doorknob of this door on the western wall is on his side.

Oh, no. You fell into his trap. I think that is up to a D100 roll that Joe should roll. Okay. I'd say 51 or higher. That handle's right where you want it to be.

Joe? 51 or higher that handle is right where you want it to be Joe 16 god damn it just out of reach I mean this is ridiculous Aldo would see where the handle was and go to the side it was on. It's not...

Aldo doesn't know that there is this horrible entity controlling reality. Just praying that it's like... Aldo has magically enhanced intelligence. You don't think he would look for the door handle? Yeah, it's not like a rental car. It's like, I don't know which side the gas cap is on. You'd be able to see it.

That's fair. The handle has been moved. Yeah! Okay. He opens the door. He opens the door to reveal more of the battlements. Watch how quick I'm going to do this fucking reveal.

Look at this. Sha-sha-shank-a-goo. Ooh, nice one. That's a polygon reveal, I'll have you know. Wow, that's really impressive. Well done. Nice poly. Nice poly, bro. You open the door and you see

more battlements. Fuck. Always does that. This has been bothering me for a while. It's a polygonal reveal, not a polygonal reveal. Anyway, sorry. Matthew, I'm surprised you didn't jump it. I won't take that from a man in a mustache!

You kiss your mother with that mouth! Whose turn is it? Al, are you done? Yeah, there's a move and a standard. It is Undead Mercenary 1's turn. Maybe I want to pick up that bow and fire it at you. Can I do that? Drop the sword.

Grab the bow. Shoot at you with a plus four to your AC. I'm going to do it. This is so rough. If only Sandra were here. If only Sandra were here to see this. Alright. Put that shit in both hands.

Tough roll. Need a really good roll here. Natty 18. That's gonna be a... 25 to hit. Yeah. Not a ton of damage, but still perhaps enough

with this d8 to take you down to Chinatown. Out of the box. That die is gone forever. Here we go. Out of the box again. I'm so nervous. So excited for my birthday.

Three points of damage. Sir Julie falls. Sean yells out, No! Sean knows there are potions on my belt. He can't see them. You're lying on top of them. In fact, your giant

weight crushes them and the liquid falls down the stairs. You are now potionless. Update your sheet. My giant weight rips away from the ooze, ungrappling myself. If only that were the case.

It is now Shon's turn and he falls to his knees and says, Why? Why, gods, have you cursed me? First my grandfather, now this oafish knight. And then pulls a potion from my belt and pours it down my throat.

No, he's too wrapped up in his own thing. Next round starts with Atticus. Grim. God. Okay, Atticus almost as if hearing Sir Julie's final plea before she went down, saying, what did you say? If only Sandra were here.

As if hearing this final plea, he gets serious and he's like, it's game time. He's going to try to use an ability he's never used before. He settles in. She falls unconscious, but he's not going to let it distract him. He focuses on the ooze and the area past the ooze. And he calls back deep, deep into the recesses of the celestial plane and he's like, your work is not done I need you back, and he makes a big show of moving his hands

and spreading this sort of arcane gesture as he and it seems like he starts to tip over with the effort and he brings back Sandra, the oryx, who is like... and goes right back into the same spot.

Wow. Does she get an attack this round? Uh, no. Wow. Sandra's back. It is Halster's turn. Halster, you are maligned for not using your turn to attack. Now you have an opportunity.

It's got a little bonus to its AC, but you know it has a low AC. Lowered even still by the fact that it's grappling. And now dying Sir Julie. What do you do? The amount of damage it's done could take you under whether or not you're healed this turn. Yeah. Okay, so I have to attack that. Kill it.

Here it comes. No! Not Sir Julie! 17 to hit. Now mind you, if he misses, Sir Julie will take her turn, or she'll attempt to stabilize, and then the creature will

take its turn. But with a 17, even with a plus 4 to its AC, that is a hit. Yeah! Sacred damage dice coming out with a D8. That is going to be ten points of damage. Yeah! Yeah! So good.

Keep it going. I'm bulletproof. Nothing to lose. Fire away. Fire away. fire away. We're having a good time tonight. Oh, Atlanta, we love you. We'll be back next year, by the way.

We're coming back. The plan is we're going to do Nashville on a Thursday and Atlanta on a Saturday. How's that sound? We'll see if we can pull it off, but I want to go to fucking Nashville on a Thursday and Atlanta on a Saturday. How's that sound? We'll see if we can pull it off, but I want to go to fucking Nashville, too. Anyways, hopefully we'll all still be alive. I was just going to say, I don't know if I'll make it out of Nashville alive. All of our basements are flooded back home. The ooze falls. Sir Julie is still unconscious and dying,

and it is Sir Julie's turn unless you want to move, Halster. I'm going to use my move action to close the door. Unfortunately, as we've established, the handle is on the other side. We've established this. Wait, which way did it swing? We didn't establish where the hinges were, right? The hinges are on your side.

Okay. No, they're not. What? But it opens in, so he can't open it, but he can close it. Yes! Yeah, kick it! Kick it! Kick it!

Can I kick it? Yes, I can! You it! Kick it! Can I kick it? Yes, I can. You got me, O'Brien. All right, you shut the door. Yeah! Classic cage technicality. Go on, man. So, Julie, roll to stabilize.

Okay. How far below zero? What do you have to hit? What's your bonus? I add a plus two to con. I'm at minus one. Okay. You got this. You're fine. I think it's automatic. That's like 12.

I roll a 12. I get it. I'm stabilized. Sir Julie stabilizes. And at the end of the day, now that the ooze is gone, I will say that

Sandra the Orcs and a combination of what you would do would be enough. No internet. Oh dear. A lot of resistance. I got it. I got a hot spot. Don't worry about it. Grant's a tech genius. There's nothing to fear here.

Just a few moments while I hack into the mainframe. Hmm. Ah, yes. Grant's Galaxy S21 Ultra 5G. I've cracked the code. Reload? There it is. Woo!

The mercenaries are still pretty tough, but I would say they are the insignificant enemies in this combat. So I'm just going to say, Sandra is gone as well as the mercenaries. You have won the combat. Yeah! Especially with Skid's bombs now coming out on those guys.

I don't want to belabor the obvious here. Can I share something with you? A little fun secret? Yeah, what do you want to tell me? That was a new ability. I called it an ability because I was equally working you as much as I was working the characters, your characters. That was a new spell that I've never cast before. What's it called?

It's a third level spell. It's called Major Image. Oh. So it was yet another illusion. Oh, are you kidding me? Wait, I'm bringing them all back then. A cue in your illusion. But this time

with sound and smell and everything. So it's... You know, it's so funny as I'm thinking to myself like, why didn't that take a round to summon like anything else? I was waiting for you to ask it. I'm assuming he's just stupid and I don't want to embarrass him so I let it happen. And now I've

ended the combat prematurely. Got a illusion, Michael. That happens to men of a certain age. How sweet is that? Come on. You think you should get a bottle cap for that? Yeah! Paradise!

Yeah! Yeah! I wish my wife understood what we do. Like, the fact that that got a standing O and then Skid hits Top Gun. So fucking dumb. standing O and then skid hits Top Gun. So fucking dumb. But thank God for it.

You're out of combat. Sir Julie is unconscious but stable. What do you want to do here? That fight went on long enough that you think other combatants might have joined the fight, but you don't hear anything. No shuffling of feet if you wait and you listen.

Seems like it was just the idus and two juju zombies. Just. Final channel of the day. Ten points of healing to everyone. And then I will spontaneously cast let me see how many first level spells I have left. I thought you were going to say, and then I'll spontaneously

combust. 20 points of additional healing for Sir Julie. Thank you. Sir Julie will take a potion. A little healing. A little sexual healing. You know what? I think I'm going to take another potion as well.

We also got two potions of cure moderate wounds last night. So if you need additional, grab from that. I think I took one of them. So I will. But if I can have the other one. Well, if I can have the other one to have on my belt that would be helpful but if someone else wants it that's cool I think it's good to have you

in good health I am just checking sports scores red socks are up 8-3 anyways you guys done healing? Atticus is full HP, but he's wavering on his feet. He's utterly exhausted. He's just like, Sir Julie, are you okay?

Yes. I am barely alive, thanks to all of your help. Sean. Yes, Sir Knight. Why, in my moment of great need, did you not do the obvious thing and force a potion down my unconscious gut? When I saw you fall, I wanted to help, but I was so stricken with grief at the thought that I would lose not only a mentor, but a possible friend. And then when I pulled myself together, I looked for potions on your belt, but they had all shattered and leaked down the stairs.

Sean, that's an obvious lie. Sean. Yes. A knight always tells the truth. I'm telling the truth. You have just decided to deny the fiction that I created. I... Sean.

Perhaps you're not cut out for knighthood after all. You don't mean that. You're just... You're just upset from failing in that battle. Shom. Yes? Perhaps there will be other tests for you yet, but maybe your destiny lies elsewhere.

You keep saying this, and I really want to know what you're getting at. Do you think I shouldn't be a knight? I think I'm being quite clear that yes, that's what I'm saying. Well, then what should I do? Well, you could be a court interpreter, like I said. You were very good at that. They need people that know Aboleth.

The world needs ditch diggers too? As my grandfather lay dying on his bed, he grabbed my hand and my sister's hand, and he said, whatever you do, don't be a courtroom interpreter. I'll never forget this. Well, that does sound like something he would say. He said something very similar to me

one night. I thought the world wound. And she gets a very far away look in her eyes. One night at the world wound. Yes. Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable? No, no, it's fine. I'm just thinking that perhaps I should remove myself from this adventure would make things easier on Troy.

And you've made it quite clear that you don't want to train me, so... Your grandfather came to me. It was after a long day of battle. We met at the campfire, and... He looked up, and through the flickering flames, I saw the lust in his eyes. And I returned the look. I can be quite lusty, you know.

And basically the look I gave him, we knew what was being said unspoken of course but we said now or never then we went back to my tent I bribed I bribed one of the squires to play a bit of lute outside just for some ambiance. Shall I continue?

I can hear the lute now, Sir Julian. In my mind's eye, it sounds like a saxophone, but no, it's a lute. One thing they never tell you about being a nightshown, the lovemaking does require a bit of disrobing and that can take a while. Yes, lovemaking. But the true talent of a knight is to keep the mood up

while we remove pieces of our armor piece by piece. But I... But that is a tale for another time. I hope this has been an invigorating experience for you, Sean. Surprisingly erotic squirehood for young Sean. Did expect it to end quite that erotically. Perhaps I shall look into this courtroom interpreter thing that you mentioned.

I don't feel comfortable around you anymore, Sir Julie. I think it's fair to say, from my experience with your grandfather, that he says a lot of things in the heat of the moment that he probably doesn't mean, so... Well, listen, we can't sit here and talk. There's still 20-plus minutes left in this show. Where should we go to next, Sir Knight, lover of my grandfather? Um, what do we all think?

The Don John. I'm ready to go to the Donjon. Unless you want to clear out the rest of the lower area of this level. Here's what I can tell you from where you were. There is stairs leading up to the upper level of the Donjon, but I can tell you that there are also doors leading into the lower level. Then there are doors leading into all of these towers as well. And then the battlements themselves, which wrap around,

which you think perhaps are unmanned at this point. Aldo, with his lowered wisdom but heightened intelligence, runs over to the southwestern tower and throws open the door. Oh boy. You open the door and you see stairs going down and stairs going up.

It's clearly an observation tower. There are arrow loops that you can look out and survey the grounds below. Circular staircase descending down and a wooden stair climbing upward to a trap door at the top of the tower. Why don't we go up and try to observe

the star's delay we've read so much about? All right. Cool. Sounds right. Cool. Sounds good. I'll lead the way. I have the light, after all. Houser heads up. You climb the ladder.

You unlatch the trapdoor. And right when you do, you open it, and there's just this awful, rotting smell that hits you in the face. And you look up, and you see on the next level there is a ballista, but there is also a pole that has a rotting corpse tied to it,

draped in the armor and insignia of the fort. It's propped up and tied to make look like it's holding a spear. And you think, like when you first came in, you saw guards in the towers. It's just a dead body holding a spear. And as you look closer, you see that the pole has been rammed through the entire

body to ensure that it stands up. There are flies buzzing about. You can see that birds have eaten out the corpse's eyes, and it just stares at you like it's looking down, holding a spear. With the trapdoor partly open over Halster's head, he sees it, and it's just,

and he falls down on his ass on whoever's behind him. And he takes 73 points of damage. It's a rough fall. Straight out of the book. What is it? What did you see? They're putting bodies on spikes the whole way through

from his ass to his mouth. It was terrible. Flies on his eyes. The stench was unbearable. We must try another one if we need a view. It's awful. Just imagining the pain and then the taste. Put it out of your mind, best friend.

I'll be all right. Aldo is going to run over to the other tower, to the west. Or to the east. The east. Fucking Troy disease. And he's going to throw open the door. You throw that open, same situation. And he runs up the stairs and throws open the trap door.

Okay. Climbs up that little ladder, pops open the trap door, and you see a stick similar to what Halster just told you about, but only chunks of a torso remain attached as the rest look like it's been so bloated by a rainstorm that it just sloughed off the end of the pole

and there's just a pile of body parts near where the feet would be. He runs up the stairs, throws up the door, runs up the stairs, sees the sight, walks back down, comes out. It was just gross. And he

says, let's try a lock in the dungeon. Yes, I think that's best. Go, quickly. I don't have much strength left. Aldo throws open the door to the dungeon. Throws open the door to the dungeon. It's dark inside, but you guys are...

Got some light going on here. I will stall for a moment. That's how you check something. Good job, Troy. Pop it open. Thank you. One Troy fan. We got a Troy fan tonight. Oh, thanks.

You pop the door open and you see a room that is furnished with a large table, few comfortable chairs, and a standing mirror. The room appears reasonably clean compared to the rest of the fort, although you've seen some parts of it that are neat.

There's a fireplace sitting cold in the corner and a pile of books and folios spread across the table. Roll a perception check, Aldo. Aldo, 14. When you open the door

and you peer in and you start to take it all in, you look at the top of the stairs and you see the woman that greeted you, the constable, just look like this, like,

and run up the stairs, like surprised, and run up the stairs. Because there are also stairs going up. Whoa, hi! Hold up! And he runs up the stairs after her. Oh, no!

Surgery of the charges. Behind Aldo. Atticus and Halster in tow. Do you think there's any way that Atticus saw that at all? Only Aldo saw it, right? Only Aldo saw as he was standing at the door. So the rest of you all follow. Oh, boy. Let me just take you off the map,

and you off the map, and Halster, and Atticus, and Sean. Please direct your attention to the top right. Oh, dear. Because this is what's going down now. God. Oh.

You open up. What? Or actually you walk to the top of the stairs, to the top of the donjon. No, no. And you see an apartment. It looks like a small apartment furnished with a double bed, two chests of drawers, a small table, and a couple of stools.

There's also a bulky steel safe. Its door standing open, a cold fireplace occupies the northeast corner of the chamber, and the shutters of the three windows here have been torn from their hinges and lie broken on the floor. The smell of briny water is strong in the still air, and there are also two creatures. There is another scum that looks like this. Describe him to our listening audience. He's a scum wearing chain mail and has a ring of keys attached to his belt

Spiked pauldrons And a face like a piranha And then behind him is a creature That kinda looks like a scum But kinda doesn't It's got an amphibian appearance to it But something is very wrong with this creature. Oh, no!

What you don't see is the constable that ran up the stairs roll for initiative. The illusion. Dude, that thing. That thing. Come on, Atticus. Don't let them down. Oh, baby. You can barely stand. This is going to be interesting here.

It is Aldo's turn. Excuse me. It is Aldo's turn. I have decided your initiative for this final combat of the night. Aldo, you may go. What's your roll, Aldo? Actually, the prophecy may have been fulfilled. What's your roll, Aldo? Actually, the prophecy may

have been fulfilled. It's a 28. J-Birds! Yeah! Fetchling! That's great. Atticus. Natural 20. Oh! Me too! 27. 27.

Awesome! Halster. 19. 19! Sir Julie. 10. 27 awesome 19 so Julie 10 she's still weak from the previous battle you come up here you see these creatures and they're ready for you round one

Aldo yes Aldo yes Aldo he says wait wait stop he runs up the stairs because his lowered wisdom higher intelligence sees the scene in front of him with two scaly creatures but he's like ah

and throws a bomb right at the larger one yeah oh it's candy time Skid is throwing larger one. Yeah! Oh, it's candy time. Skid is throwing candy into the audience. Nice, Skid. And, uh, I, Rachel, uh, the

aforementioned Rachel also gave me a 20-sided die last night. I'm gonna roll her 20-sided die. Uh, oh, that is a 19 against Touch AC. a 20-sided die last night. I'm going to roll her 20-sided die. Oh, that is a 19 against Touch AC. And which one did you aim at? The one further in the back of the room.

Monstrosity? Yes. That is a hit. Yeah! Aldo! Okay, that is 21 points of fire damage. Wow. They are on fire, and the other creature takes a reflex save.

A reflex save to try and avoid the splash damage. I rolled a 22. Reflex save to try and avoid the splash damage. I rolled a 22. Okay, so you, the other creature, takes four points of fire damage. Okay, good round. Good round.

Good start, buddy. Good round. And Aldo additionally moves into the room. Whoa! Oh, fortune favors the boulder. Come on, you drongos! It's Atticus's turn. What do you do? Aldo, what did you see?

I see a couple of green freaks, mate. You've got to come in and check it out as well. God. I'm just trying to suss out this woman. This constable. Did she go into the room? Or was it like vanished? I don't know.

You don't see her. You didn't even see her when she went running. Aldo saw and Aldo charged up the stairs. And he never saw her? Never saw her. On the stairs? Gone. This is tricky.

Very tricky. Uh, alright. Uh, Atticus is going to run up there, uh, into the open door that Allo just left. And he'll fire his crossbow at, uh, the creature in the back. The larger, weird-looking scum. Okay. Here we go. It's going to be really tough to hit.

Oh, but it is a 19. 19. Do you have precise shot? I took the minus four. You took the minus four, and you still rolled a 19? Yeah. That's a hit. Yes!

Yeah! Yes! Four points of damage. Four points of piercing damage Okay Halster Alright so Grant wants to not Cram up that area but Halster doesn't know

What Grant knows he can't see in there So he's going to rush in see Aldo's back See two creatures in front Step right up into the prime space And swing at the monstrosity with the squid on its head. Here it comes. Let's hit for 15.

Miss. Flat footed? Hit. Yeah! Oh, that is so huge! Sacred damage dice, baby! That is going to be nine points of damage. Pretty sneaky, sis.

It is the creature's turn. We'll start with the one that is right to the left of Halster. You know what I'll do? I'll take a five foot step and flank your ass to start. I think you're so tough. Then, uh,

I'll take my favorite enemy, which is humans, and take a plus two to hit you. Oh, shit. He's a ranger. And since I only took a five foot step, I'll do a full attack action which will include three attacks. The price is wrong, Grant.

First attack. 17 to hit. Miss. Oh, 19 flanking. Still a miss. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Misses as it tries to bite you. And then the claw! Natural three.

Yeah! Come on, the other claw! Natural five! Yeah! Damn it! Oh, amazing. You're not out of the woods yet, log boy. Okay.

Oh, amazing. You're not out of the woods yet, log boy. You can't play that just yet. It's the other creature's turn. He does not get the bonus against humans. He does, however, have five attacks. And he's flanking. First one against Halster. He does, however, have five attacks. And he's flanking. First one against Halster.

The bite. Natural fucking two! Yeah! There they are. Dude, and that's neon green. Anybody else's pants wet? Is it just me? Why are my pants wet? Mine are wet because I peed earlier.

That's why mine are wet, too. I never thought of that. I really have to go. All right, here we go. All right. All right, I'm done. 24 to hit. 24 is a miss? I said hit. Open up your damn ears.

Sorry, I've got urine coming out of my ears. Turn up your hearing aid, Troy. Seven points of damage. Seven points of damage. Two points of damage. Defending bone! Don't embarrass me in front of my children. Next attack. Flanking is an 18 to hit.

Miss. Yes! Come on, neon green. Let's talk about the slams. First slam, natural five. Amazing! It really offends me you only roll this way against Grant, not me. I mean, this is

going to be a 22 to hit. That's a hit. Exactly. The final attack does seven points of damage. Two points of damage, sucker! The price is wrong! And now, it is Sir Julie. No, now he takes burn damage from being on fire.

Damn it! Yeah! Burn, baby. Three points of fire damage. Okay. Every little bit. Chip, chip, chipping away. Sir Julie, what do you do? Sir Julie will step into the room. Yep. Take a look at the ranger or something

next to her. I will smite evil. Ooh. Okay. Against who? The guy that you can reach? This dude. Okay. Is he evil or she? Are they evil? Yes. Okay.

You're so dumb. He's trying to change his ways. Furious focus, power attack, great sword. Here we go. I'm going to roll Rachel's die. I wish that I... 90, 18. Yeah!

Oh, Sir Julie! Stop pandering to all the Rachels of the world. I got to take enlarged person off. Okay world. I gotta take a large person off. Okay. 30 points of damage. Oh my god, it happened! Still up. Okay.

Okay. It's okay. Can I roll... Is there any kind of check I could roll to get? Is there any hint I could perhaps perceive to see if one of these creatures was the constable or was pretending to be the constable or casting an illusion?

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out. You can roll a perception. All right. 22. You don roll a perception. All right. 22. You don't know. Okay. They all look pretty damn real, and they're yelling out in a tone that you recognize.

The one in the back isn't. The one in the back isn't. It's round two, and it's Aldo's turn. Aldo is going to incur two attacks of opportunity and throw another bomb at the southernmost creature. Yeah! Look at that splash damage. Great job.

That's a 15 against touch AC. Against the guy... Wait, I gotta resolve my attacks of opportunity first. Skid. Okay. First is the bite. Natural three. Oh my god, you are on such a cold streak. Natural three. Oh my god, you are on such a cold streak.

Ice cold. And then the guy in the back. Natural five. Unbelievable. Just a couple dudes on fire now. That is 21 points of fire damage Okay And a reflex save from the northern most creature

Natural 20 Okay You said 21 So it's 21 points of fire to the guy right next to you Yeah And they're on fire to the guy right next to you, right? Yeah, and they're on fire. And the northernmost creature takes another four points of damage. Okay, the one next to you is dead.

Yes! Yes! Amazing. And the one to the north takes how many points of damage? 21? No, no, sorry, four. Four for the splash damage? Yeah. Okay. All Uh, 21? No, no, sorry. Four. Four for the splash damage? Yeah. Okay. Alright, here's what I want to do. I want to go

long tonight. You want to go long? Just a little bit. Just a little bit. But I have to go to the bathroom. We're going long. We're going long. So good your lives, cause we're going long. We're going long, we're going long, so gird your lines, cause we're going long. We're going long, we're going long, so gird your lines, cause we're going long. Alright, everybody shut up.

Hey, hey, shut up. Everybody shut up. When he comes back, he's going to say it's Atticus' turn. Shut up. When he comes back, he's going to say it's Atticus' turn. At which point, we will all... I will start, and we will all sing Happy Birthday to Trin. In the meantime, this creature, this big one in the back, what is going on with that shit?

Do you recognize that? There's like a creature on its head. It's a brain sucker. What's it called? I don't know if it's an actual name, but it's a brain sucker. It's taking control of it. It reminds me of something. I feel like I've seen it before. You guys ran into one of these things

in Ruins of Aslan. Yeah. I knew I recognized it. It was the body that you found in the creek. It pulled a Dracius through a window, right? No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. There was a, when you were, like, traversing the island,

there was a creature that was, like, there was a dead corpse, like, in the river. That's right. And it, like, it came, like, stood up. We were on our way back to the town. Yeah, and I can't remember what it is, but it's... I'm going to do a knowledge check on it this round. I was just too, wasn't thinking about it last round.

Is the crab squid thing some kind of helmet, or is it like mind controlling? It's mind controlling. I think it's dead. I think that that creature might be dead. Oh, it's dead? Yeah. So watch like mind controlling,

or mind affecting. It might be useless. Oh, speak of the devil. That's what I missed. We're talking about what we think this creature is with the thing on its head. We think it's from Ruins of Aslan, and I'm going to do a knowledge check when it's my turn. See, I wanted to just hold it, but I really want to give the Atlanta crowd a longer show tonight. So it's like, now I feel so comfortable we could play for another hour and a half!

Matthew, your thoughts. I also have to pee. Me too. Pee-ins for CEOs. It's in our bylaws. Whose turn is it? I feel great.

Aldo just went. Who? Aldo just went? Okay. It is Atticus's turn. Happy birthday to you. And you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Troy. And Harry. and Harry.

Happy birthday to you. And many more. Thank you. That was very nice. That was very nice. And many more. Thank you. And many more. Oh, God. That was very nice. I don't know why I'm emotional.

I was miserable for so many years in my life, and the Glass Cannon Network has made me very, very happy. So thank you. Same. Unfortunately, Atticus, that was your standard action. So it is Halster's turn. Sing happy birthday as a full round action. Here we go. Knowledge check on the creature in the dist.

What are we talking here? We talking Don John earring? We talking religion? How about a Dunjoneering? Donjoneering. Alright. Here we go. 25. Ooh, yeah! Pretty good. Alright, so you know

that there's something about this creature that isn't right. It has scum characteristics, but it looks like it's trying to imitate a scum, or it's like turned its body into a scum-like shape. You're like, I know what this is. That's a doppeldreck. A doppeldrake?

A doppeldreck. Doppeldreck. In its normal state, it looks like a half-formed shape of a snarling dog rising out of a grayish foam. But it has the ability to change shape and take on the appearance of other creatures. In this case, it's working with this scum and wants to look like one of the scum. I'll give you a bit of useful information. What would you like to know? Two bits. I'll give you a bit of useful information what would you like to know um two bits is there any way to

separate them like are they fused together like it's changed it's body into this appearance so it's a permanent change well no it could change back but it's still going to do the same damage it's an appearance thing

it's like change shape do the same damage. It's an appearance thing. It's like chain shape, like beast shape. Got it. Okay. And does it have intelligence? Is it like smart? Like what knowledge do they speak? I'm sorry, what language do they speak? That's what you want to know?

Well, I don't know. I'm just curious. I'll have any attacks to hit it so its weaknesses don't dissimulate that much curious I don't have any attacks to hit it so its weaknesses don't dissimulate that much it doesn't speak any languages it doesn't speak any languages it has no language it's basically an ooze that changed into this

okay you know what, I'm just going to burn off something major here oh boy no, no, I'm not I think that it's possible that this is the woman going to burn off something major here. Oh, boy. Oh, wait. No, no, I'm not. I'm not. I think that it's possible that this is the woman that is changing that shape.

That would make sense. Yeah. So I'm just going to say, we're on to you. We know who you are. Stand down now and tell us what's going on here. You are not what you appear to be. And he will

attempt an intimidate on the creature. We'll kill you if you do not stop now. You're already on fire. We can put you out. This is what you want to do with your standard action. Yes. I have no spells.

14. Intimidate. It just stares at you with its giant, glassy eyes. Creepy. Creepy. Uh, but he also shares this knowledge with, uh, the allies, as he says. His allies, as he says. It is Halster's turn. One enemy has been

defeated. Sorry, real quick, he'll reload his crossbow as I move back. I don't care! I know you didn't. I just had to say it for the rules. Halster, what do you do? Halster's here to cast spells and kick ass, and he's all out of spells, so five foot step

and a swing! Down! That's a natural one. Oh! There she is! and a swing down! That's a natural one. Oh! There she is. There she is. Oh, but... One attack still for Halster,

so it is a fan... fan... fumble! Oh, this is bad. Uh, fan melee fumble. Let Melee Fumble. Let's find one here. Let's see if we've got anything. This is the other one we had, and I don't think there was anybody from near town here on this one.

Oh, no, there is. Is Chris from Atlanta here? That could be. Yeah, look at him. Look at his Chris face. 20 bucks says it's not him. Hey, Chris. That's awesome.

Chris from Atlanta writes in with Beefers Sutherland. Is that you, Chris? Are you Beefers Sutherland? Is that you? No. Damn it. You rear back intensely,

convinced you will deliver the killing blow. Instead, you forcefully strike yourself in the head with your own weapon-wielding hand. In your new day state, you believe your intended target to be the subject of a vast and complicated conspiracy. Only you know the truth, and you are compelled to protect them at all costs. Holy shit. For the next 1d4 rounds, you must take all damage intended for the target. If anything is preventing you from doing so, you must use any available movement

or spells or spell abilities to protect them. If spoken to, you must respond in relation to the conspiracy. We'll save negates. Okay. The will save is the character's AC? The character's AC. The character's AC. 23. You're fine.

Yes! Oh, thank God. Great, because that would have been complicated. That was a really bad one. Shone, heeding Sir Julie's words that he needs to be more brave, slides past Atticus and Sir Julie into the room and stares at this creature and says

For my grandfather! And he stabs at the creature. Yeah, Sean! Sean! Sean! And he misses. Sean. Shocking. The creature will now go. He has five attacks.

First, I'll enact his fast healing. Guys, guys. Now, this is a question that only Joe can answer. Joe. Let's mess with his stuff it doesn't what would be the point let's leave a big picture of a wiener on his screen

you'll never see it coming we'll laugh and laugh when he stares at the wiener alright here we go this guy's gonna bite Sean All right. Here we go. This guy's going to bite Sean. 17.

He hits Sean for six points of damage. Then he goes to claw Sean. Hits Sean for eight points of damage. And Sean is now unconscious and dying. He then goes to claw Halster. And misses with a 16.

Then goes to slam Aldo. 21. Miss. Misses Aldo. Then. Miss. Miss. Misses Aldo. Then goes to slam Sean. He's unconscious. Unconscious and dying he goes to slam Sean.

Natty 17. Oh my god. 8 points of damage. Sean is now 2 rounds from permadeath. That's amazing. And it is now Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, look what you have done.

Sean, no! Sir Julie will take a five-foot step and take a swing at the top of Drek. Okay. That power attack, et cetera, et cetera, is going to be a 25 to hit. 25 is a hit. Let's take off the double damage. Does a 21 hit? Does a 21 hit?

Does a 21 hit? It sure does. Great. Because that's what it actually is. 22 points of damage. Still up. Wait, it didn't take its burn damage last round. That's true.

What's the burn damage? One point of damage. Still up. Still up. New round. Aldo's turn. Aldo. Right next to this creature.

Aldo, is this us? You like to change shape? Perhaps you'd like to mimic a corpse? Throws a bomb right at its feet. Yeah! Oh, this is going to be so bad. That occurs in Attack of Opportunity, but it's a 20 against Touch AC.

A couple things are going to happen. One, it takes the Attack of Opportunity and misses. Two, the splash damage kills Sean. He can exclude him. No, I neglect to exclude Sean. Amazing. Amazing. I don't know what happened. What a mystery.

Yes, no, you can if you choose to keep Sean out of that flame. Yeah. But I haven't reached the end of my tale. Okay, I exclude him for the two rounds left of life that he has. And then how much damage does the doppledrack take? That is 18 points of fire damage. 18 points of fire damage. And the doppledrack dies.

Yeah! Dude, we owned that! Owned it! And Sir Julie drops down to her knees and administers a potion to Sean. You administer a potion to Sean and he wakes up. And he says, Sir Julie,

thank you. I saw my grandfather. He was there at the pearly gates and I said, Have you ever heard of a woman named Sir Julie Andrews? She claims to have loved you in a tent with a saxophone nearby. It was a lute and love is overstating it, but go on. And he said to him, Oh, Sir Julian, I'm sorry, I'm having trouble seeing.

How many Atticus's are there? And as he says this, Atticus, you look to your left. And as you do, you see five Atticus's appear all walking up the steps. All moving together in the same space. That is so creepy! And they smile at you. And then all simultaneously pull out two swords.

And we'll see you in Indianapolis. Oh my God! Dude! We love you, Atlanta! We love you, Atlanta! We'll be back! you you