The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 31 – Two Half Men

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

The boys returned to Philly to close out the year with the 3rd Annual Glass Cannon Live! Christmas Extravaganza! With Atticus encased in amber, the heroes had to find a way to push on without their incompetent ratfolk wizard. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/WgJg5QqqHG0 Recap 17:58 Gameplay 25:00 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like?

It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. I got a fucking gun! I got a scam! Merry Christmas Philly you surely treat me

nice that is a Merry Christmas Philly, you surely treat me nice. That is a Merry Christmas Baby by Philadelphia's own Bruce Springsteen. Is that right? Nailed it. Nailed it. He's as Philadelphia's cream cheese. That's why his nickname is the Big Cheese. You ever seen the Big Cheese in concert, Matthew?

Too many times to count. I just want to see how many Bruce facts I get wrong before Matthew's shirt explodes into chest hair and gold chains and he starts trying to fight me. Are you kidding? You walked into a Philly venue and started singing New Jersey's... The songs of New Jersey's greatest son. Nothing could make me happier.

You're Jersey Trash and you'll always be Jersey trash. Merry Christmas, everybody. Happy holidays. Or if you're like Grant, a belated happy Hanukkah to you. Baruch Hashem. I would like to welcome all 3,000 of you here

in attendance tonight. All right, that's what it feels like, baby! Woo! Is it hot in here? It's really hot and tight. I'm going to pass out soon. Why does it feel so tight in here? No.

It's so tight and ridiculous looking in here. Glad I had that Nashville hot chicken for lunch. No, I want to officially welcome you all to the third annual Glass Cannon Live Christmas Extravaganza. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Folks, I don't want to name any names, but the men to my right and to my left did not believe we would do a single live show this year.

This is our 11th live show. If you ever want to ensure that something will happen, bet against me. And since online gambling is allowed in the state of Philadelphia, I will post the half dozen bets I made when I crossed the border yesterday. And you can actually bet against me.

After a 16-month Glass Cannon Live hiatus, courtesy of the disease I like to call the O'Brien flu, courtesy of the disease I like to call the O'Brien flu. We returned to the road six months ago and our first show back was right here in this room. Love it here. Love it here. In a city with historically the worst sports teams of all time,

it warms my mistletoe heart that we could come here and spread some Christmas cheer in this third-rate city. It warms my heart. You guys feeling tight? I'm still feeling real tight. Put the hood up, Troy. Just give him a show. Show him again.

Oh, God. Oh, look at that. Look at that magical elf. Oh, the weather outside is beautiful. Anybody else drinking nog tonight? They serving nog at the bar? I special requested it on our rider. Praise nog.

May all your nogs be smooth. Mine is. It's quite smooth. You might be an outlier here with the nog, man. Did you hear the collective groan of the entire room at the mention of making your beverage of the night nog? Nothing wrong with 24 ounces of milk while you're doing a show. Or your felt coveralls, especially.

Everything's stuck to everything. Yeah, Skid, wouldn't we say coverall? I mean, well, they cover everything. They don't obscure everything. My three-year-old wouldn't fit in this thing. Good Lord.

We are back in Philly, obviously, for PAX Unplugged yet again this year, and even though this city is, well, it is what it is, I do love that this show always takes place during the holiday season. This is really the Glass Cannon Network company Christmas party, right?

The company holiday party? Tonight's the night you want to photocopy your ass on the printer. Maybe tell the boss how you really feel and take the secretary into the broom closet and show her you're Bing Crosby. You know what I mean? No, I don't.

I don't. I don't know. Can you explain it some more? It's a little sexual harassment joke. Just to lighten the mood in 2021. We're having fun. This is the last party of the year, though,

so everyone needs to let loose so you wake up tomorrow full of regret and feeling like you were just stampeded by the Mummers Parade. There you go. You did it. You did it. You did it. I did my homework.

What is a mummer, Joe? No idea. Yep. Even they don't know. Speaking of regret, I want to introduce you to five men whose hearts are about to grow three sizes tonight. Although their wieners will remain their

little petite sizes. You just included yourself in that number. Yeah. You realize. Did you do the math on it? No, I was... Five people. I was going to introduce our manager, Kevin Castro. Oh.

Known small wweighted man. Shroomsman at my wedding. He's been bullying us all night, so this is perfect. Yes. Let's call him out. It's all coming out now. How about some milk? First up is a man that just arrived a couple hours ago,

and he will be leaving seconds after I say we'll see you in Dallas, because his wife is about to give birth any minute. Check your phone. Let me just check to make sure it hasn't already happened. Yeah, shake it. He is the opposite of the heart and soul of the Glass Cannon Network. Which would make him the

spleen and pubic hair of the Glass Cannon Network. Give it up for Matthew Capitacazza. Yeah! Woo! Give it up for Matthew Capitacazza. The big cheese. Did you know that the opposite of the soul was pubic hair? And the spleen? Yes, the spleen.

Matthew, are you excited to be a dad? I'm very excited. I'm terrified, but I'm very excited. I'm excited for you to get fat. very excited. I'm terrified, but I'm very excited. I'm excited for you to get fat. So excited. I was just telling Graham, the play mat we bought, I've discovered since we just moved,

so we laid it out. Excellent sit-up area. So I'm going to... Now that you ever want to be proven wrong, bet against me, Troy. Ooh. you ever want to be proven wrong bet against me Troy may your first child

be a hairy child child will be 7 pounds 2 ounces 4 pounds of which is hair alright now let's it is the Christmas season so gather round children in the audience with terrible parents gather round have you ever heard the tale

of the great Christmas giant legend says that once a year in Philadelphia a lumbering ogre appears and grants you three Christmas wishes if you just close your eyes and say, I believe.

Come on, boys and girls. Close your eyes and maybe the giant will come. I believe. I believe. Oh, my God, it's Grant Berger. That's a Christmas song. How you doing, Billy? I'm going to grant a lot of wishes tonight.

Get this guy a virgin nog. No, thank you. You can go straight from the cart, and I'm done after this. I'm getting enough smelling your milk sweats right now. Contact nog. Contact nog. I swear to God, officer, it was just a contact nog. Step out of the car.

Next up is a man whose beard is as white as snow. Now don't cheer for him too loud, or it could set off his hearing aid or his pacemaker. He only has a few good Christmases left before he haunts glass cannon studios like Jacob Marley. He is the king of the nerds and will be the first among us to wear diapers. Give it up for Skidmar.

Don't knock diapers. I wish I wore one tonight. How you doing, buddy? Are you enjoying your time here in the great city of Philadelphia? Yeah. Yeah, I'm enjoying myself here more and more every time we come back. I love this venue, by the way.

Yes. Love Underground Arts, the whole staff. Underground back. I love this venue, by the way. Yes. Love underground arts, the whole staff. Awesome. Thank you, guys. Might be the best thing about Philadelphia. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I also love the Revolutionary War Museum, which I didn't get to go to today. I got to see the Liberty Bell

for the first time. Nice. Which is very exciting. And that was, yeah, that was it. But, oh no, I went to Carpenter's Hall also where the first Continental Congress met.

Oh. And I was going to go to the Independence Hall too, but we had to do an Instagram thing so I couldn't do that. But I was like, every time I come back,

it's like, I go to Old Town, I'm just like, man, this is really cool, like the red brick and the history. I just got done re-watching the John Adams series on HBO and it's just like, yeah, this is awesome. It's like right where they did it. And I was like, am I becoming

a Philly guy? And it's like, no. No, I can't do that. I've been a Mets fan my whole life. Like, I couldn't forgive myself if I did that. But I am hating this city less and less with each successive year. That's how we get you.

A little less hate each time. You're a learned man. Do you know what a mummer is? What a what? A mummer? It's like an actor. Oh. Oh, a mummer's show.

That's right. Yeah, you didn't even know when you're from here. Piece of trash. Speaking of trash, I'd like to introduce a man who hails from this one-horse town. His entire extended family

is in the audience tonight, so... his entire extended family is in the audience tonight, so... At the bar. I say that not to shout them out so much as be careful, be aware of your surroundings. This many O'Briens in a room could be very dangerous. Just a black hole of bad luck.

Even his wife is here tonight, Erin. A woman who must wake up every morning like a naughty child on Christmas morning to find this gross lump of coal sitting next to her in bed.

Buy her a drink for crying out loud. She has to see him naked Can't drink that away Give it up for Joe O'Brien Philly Joe Philly Joe Philly Joe Philly Joe

Philly Joe Philly Joe Philly Joe I like the Philly bookend To the tour I like this Start and end in Philly Twice the Philly

What do you got planned for tonight? Tonight I'm going to hang out very late At the Glass Cannon Network Christmas party With some of my closest friends And then I'm going to meet The extended O'Brien family, I imagine, in an alley somewhere

where we will brown bag 40s and drink until the sun comes up. Yeah, baby! Drink and brawl until the first rays of dawn. Yeah, exactly. Now, you give me a lot of crap For being excited about Christmas But now it is December 10th

So you can all officially celebrate Weirdos What are your Christmas wishes? Grant Oh, I'm just very excited In a few days To go home and see some of my family For the first time in two and a half years.

Wow. Do you think they still love you? No. No, that was clear years ago, though. That was a long time ago. I'm sure they forgot about that. Why do you think I moved to New York, Troy? It's because they don't love me.

This is when they said, we no longer love you. Please leave our state. It was nice and clear. You've got some changes coming at you. You got any Christmas wishes? Healthy baby. Yeah. Yep.

You want to tell us what it is and what you're going to name it? It's a baby and it will be named a name. A name. What culture is that? I want to say, I want to remind you again, skid works for a boy or a girl. I'll keep that in mind. We'll see how tonight's role play goes.

Certainly Pat does. There's no shortage of Pats in Philly. That's true. The male and female variety. What is your Christmas wish, Joe? Well, it's hard to follow Seeing family after two and a half years Healthy baby

So I'll go with Steam gift card That's a good one You really can't go wrong with that one I want to buy a video game And have my wife not be like What? Which she's right to do You really can't go wrong with that one. I want to buy a video game and have my wife not be like, What? Which she's right to do.

But a gift card helps. Speaking of Steam gift cards, I have to clarify something. Oh dear. Before the last show, which took place on my birthday, and for those of you who weren't there, Troy had the audience point and boo me. Which was, you know, nice. As is tradition. And then he gave a gift to Skid and then purposefully stared at me

and didn't give me one to me. But before the show, Joe gave me a gift. And now I have... It was very nice. Actually, it was a card from his daughter who wrote the card. It was very sweet.

Made all the artwork. It was an original. I was very touched. And then I went home and I was like, did Joe know that Troy was going to do the thing with skid's gift and exclude me when he was he trying to layer down some goodwill beforehand who knew what and when do you want to tell the truth i am uh my attorney has advised me to plead the fifth amendment i knew it i asked grant and joe to be a part of the joke,

and they said it was too mean, and I said, you're out. So then I bought Matthew a gift. Thank you, Joe. I wanted to see how Joe was going to navigate the first couple moments of being like, Troy, that's really mean. And then I wanted to weigh in

and try to also weigh on that shoulder, and he just cut us both out of the bed immediately. You're out. You did it yourself. Scared Christmas wishes? Well, one of my Christmas wishes has already come true tonight. Oh, really? My friend Nate Regolia from Denver just moved out east with his wife,

and they moved to Delaware, I think. Damn. I guess. Close friends. So this really good friend of yours, right? Yes, yeah. And he's here tonight, and I'm thrilled. I've never seen him outside of the state of Colorado.

He's here somewhere. He also has a podcast that I've been a guest on a couple times, A Vague Idea, and Roll for Blank. He has an actual play podcast also. And if anyone's a sports fan in particular, there's an episode where he interviews Woody Page and just points him at a mic for two hours and just lets him go. And it's one

of the best things I've ever heard. So he's here tonight. That's my Christmas wish. It came true. Thank you very much. It's very nice nice I need to change I feel like I'm going to just Bruce Banner this And halfway through the show But I think it's Time to get this party started

Officially So raise a nog. Raise a nog. Happy holidays to the nation. You are the lifeblood of this. Thank you. Enjoy your holiday season. And Grant, let's take it to the recap.

Recap. Oh. Oh Oh Woo Yes Was it good? I can't see it It was a song of ice and fire It was

I'll watch it when I look at the video Oh What a year it's been for Aldo, Halster, Atticus, and of course, Sir Julie Andrews. In actuality, it's probably only been four or five days in game time, but when you only play one two-hour session per month,

it takes heroes a year to get through a work week. Sure, they may be free of the haunting nightmare that was the asylum, but the city of Threshmore, let's be honest, it sucks.

Not a place you want to hang out at for a long time. You got vagrant druids cooking up sleep drugs in offshore caves. Angry ghosts wandering the streets looking for their murderers.

Cults kidnapping people and using their blood to power otherworldly portals. It's only slightly safer than North Philly. You came here to try and confront the leader of the area, a man named Count Hazerton Lowes IV. The man who you know is responsible for having committed you to Briarstone Asylum

and probably behind your memory wipes as well. And maybe a man that would play music during my recap. I'm trying to. Is there music on? Yeah, according to the sound check, it's still been fine. Sing it for me so I can hear it. Can't even get in the mood. We're going to quick check in with Rick in the back. Rick, are we doing okay on the...

Oh, nothing's coming through. There we go. There it is. Can't even get in the mood, O'Brien. It's not my fault. I'm starting over. It's not my fault. What a year it's been.

No light speed. It's not my fault. There we go. I'm still on Vagrant Druids. Vagrant Druids. Aren't all druids kind of vagrant druids? They don't work in offices, like have condos. He's always like lazing around the forest, waiting to join a circle.

There are no clean hobos. That's true. So yeah, you came here looking for Count Hazerton Lyles. He's the one that had you committed. He's the one that's probably behind your memory wipes. that had you committed. He's the one that's probably behind your memory wipes. Bits and pieces of your dark past have been trickling back in, coming back to you,

but you need to find the Count to confront him. Problem is, evidently, he's gone, and he's left a woman named Mellie Sen in charge of his estate. Seems old Mellie Sen has been quite busy while the Count's away. She's working with a cult of Hastur, the King in Yellow,

to kidnap and murder people using these sacrifices to power ancient monuments in town known as the Star Stelae that you now know have been here since before the dawn of man when these alien creatures known as flying polyps came here he erected them and tried to make Galarian their home

the town garrison has been taken over by juju zombies that Melisande had some hand in creating the magistrate is gone the royal accuser that came here to investigate Lao's disappearance is gone. And all roads have led you to Iris Hill, where you assume Melisen is. You fight your way in past the cannibal Kuru guards

and cultists that Melisen had hired. Good for you. You got a natural 20. It's just during warm-ups. It's not a big deal, but... It was his other Christmas wish. Yes. You went underground

and fought these ancient elder things, these beings that have been hibernating for millennia underground. Since the flying polyps came and Atticus crawled through a mile of shit to end up in a subterranean chamber where he was almost mauled by a rat king and his brood of dire rats.

Last session in the truly great city of New York. Atticus was lucky enough to use his arcane powers to escape the rat horde. He came back to the rest of you. And you continued your exploration of the outbuildings surrounding the main mansion of Iris Hill. A spectral apparition of a horse almost curb stomped you when a haunt manifested, no doubt arising from the souls of the butchered horses in that stable.

You then head upstairs to find a room with a shrine to the king in yellow with a huge yellow sign painted in golden yellow ochre on a tapestry. You don't have much time to admire it, though, as you're attacked by a fungal plant

that released these hallucinogenic spores, sending some of you into a nightmare spiral. A couple of huge crits save the day. You get out of there alive, and you walk into the final room to find a small bedroom and a book, a ledger full of seemingly important notes that Atticus, the stupid wizard, starts fingering through, unleashing a trap known

as a sepia snake sigil. This brown snake, smoke snake comes out and just comes at you leaving you encased in amber. Suspended animation for not a couple minutes or a couple hours, not even a day or two. For a whole week. You have infiltrated Iris Hill. Your presence has to be known at this point, so there is no turning back. And your shitty wizard is out of commission.

Until at least book three. What do you do? Aldo is going to, oh! No! No! And he's going to exhaust. He's going to pour over his own knowledge. He's going to flip out this Sheila,

this book. Start flipping through it to see if there's anything that he can do. He's trapped in this book. Start flipping through it to see if there's anything that he can do. It's just like he's trapped in ember like I don't know, some sort of mosquito from the Jurassic Age.

Is there anything we can do to free him? These are desperate times. Sir Julie will try to strike the ember with her times. Sir Julie will try to strike the amber with her sword. Okay, roll to hit. You want to rethink that? Stop taxi-driving

his character. Does Aldo know anything about the spell, like the trap? Yeah, roll a knowledge arcana. Oh, you know what about the spell, like the trap? Yeah, can I see if I... Yeah, roll a Knowledge Arcana. Oh, you know what? This is a perfect opportunity. So our wonderful friends at Norse Foundry have donated to me this

gigantic metal... Oh my God. Powder blue D20. The boulder. Alright, so let's see. Alright, Natty, 15. All right. All right, good start. Give it up for Norse Foundry, the best dice of the business.

Guaranteed to roll a 15 or higher every time that's Norse Foundry. All right, what's your total? All right, total is 28. Is your Spellcraft and your knowledge of canon about the same? Spellcraft, yeah, they're exactly the same. Okay.

Here's what you know. If Sir Julie were to strike him, it would hurt him. Okay. No, Sir Julie. Hopefully. Hold your action. Why?

Because if you swing, you could hurt our friend. I know this magic. It's deep magic. It goes back to open source D20. Do not touch him. You cannot help him. All right. But do we just leave him here, then?

Can we move him? Can we do anything to solve this problem? Should I put him out of his misery? No! If he can be hurt, he can be killed. He is surely miserable. He's had a difficult life, and it only gets worse and worse,

more difficult, dragging us down with him as he goes but no do not be so quick to deal out death and judgment many that die deserve life can you give it to them Sir Julie no I cannot

your superior intellect wins the day, Aldo. I was just perhaps thinking perhaps I could show him a bit of mercy. Mercy? It was mercy that stayed Bilbo's hand. So good. Just don't kill him.

All right? Don't kill him, please. All right. Halster, do you kill him? Halster walks right up to Atticus and stares him in his eyes and says, You always made me go first. You always made me go first. And he just goes,

You brute. You brute. You awful brute. One point of damage. Two points of damage. Stop. You're killing him. You're killing him.

I'm sorry. I'm just so... Now that he can't talk, I want to say all the things I never got to say to him, and I can't, and he won't respond. I can't tell him how stupid and ugly he is, and how his beard's awful, and he should shave it off. It's a good thing he cannot hear us. And how cows aren't really his vibe, and that sweater's a bad idea.

I'm sorry, this is bleeding into the real world. Reality is trickling in. So you could move Atticus. He's light. But you think to yourself, he's probably safest up here. Maybe throw a sheet over him or something? Troy, can I take it to the map?

You want to? Yeah, let's take it to the map. Oh, right. I can't see it. Wow. Let's try pushing him out the window to see if that breaks the ember. Okay. Kidding.

Kidding, kidding. There he goes. Oh, but first. But first, let us find a long needle that we can inject into the amber and extract a blood sample. Ah, ah, ah. Ah.

Yeah, this is a pickle here. I will tell you this, with your high spellcraft or arcana, whatever the hell, this could be dispelled if one of you had a means of dispelling it. It would be a roll, a caster level check. But if you don't have that,

you're shit out of luck, and Joe has the night off. You can go hit the alley with your family. I feel time is of the essence. We don't have the luxury of waiting around for him to pop out of this thing and rejoin our mission. I think that we have to press on without him for the moment at least. There is no other choice. We will be at a disadvantage.

Surely. But if we do not act now, if we do not continue in our thing, then surely evil will fuck us all up very badly. Strong words. Wise words. Yes. Eloquently spoken.

Yes. Well, we must leave Aldo here and charge forth. And Sir Julie bustles out of the room, accidentally knocking into the amber, which tumbles out the window. No! It shatters into a million pieces. You just see fur and orange goo.

Yeah, so should we leave him here? It does feel like that might be the safest spot. I mean, I could put him under my arm i mean every room outside of the main building seems like it serves its own purpose and another sex pervert lives there um but they all live in their own little houses so i don't think anyone's going to come barging in here but before we leave can we at least check out what that sign says that troy mentioned in the recap we didn't get a chance to examine?

There's also the book that fell to the ground. I'm not reading that shit. Okay. I mean, maybe the world's smartest man might want to. Well, maybe. No. Now, I wouldn't risk your inferior intellects against such a thing, but perhaps I would be able to brave it.

You want to check out the book? Not really, but you seem to be kind of pushing us that way. Well, here's the good thing. The book was trapped with this thing

and the trap does not reset. It has been set off. It has been set off. Aha! This I know because of my brain. It's safe now. I'm assured.

So, yeah, I look at it. All right, so Aldo was reading it and was just about to uncover some more information when the smoke snake came out. I'll tell you, I'll remind you a little bit of what he discovered. It's like accounts

of Iris Hill. Lists and calculations of shipments received and pay distributed for the last month filling the pages. It shows that all the former servants were fired and new ones were purchased from someone named Weirale.

W-E-I-R-A-L-A-I. The other items of note show that weeks ago, before Count Laws left for his expedition, a number of books were delivered to Iris Hill. The books in the shipping manifest include titles such as Argument Against Reality, Delusion, A Pact With Sanity,

Esoteric Delves Into the Waking Mind, Mystical Sights of Eastern Chasmaron, and Catcher in the Rye. Oh, no. Is she going to assassinate a president or something?

Count Lyles is sitting outside clutching it Sitting on the sidewalk outside the Ansonia Wait, delusion, what was it? Delusion, a deal with sanity Delusion, a pact with sanity A pact with sanity Okay Just some light beach reading

for the Count before his mysterious disappearance to the beach. And is Way Raleigh a place or a person? Seems like a person. Okay, that's the person that restaffed the grounds? Yeah, the former servants were fired

and new servants were purchased from Way Rilett. From this person. Yeah. It might even be some slave trading going on there. That's not good. It's not good. Rarely good.

Never good. For the record, never good. Never good. Your Honor. This show is live. Shut up. What do you do? The Glass Cannon Network would have come down firmly against slavery.

Didn't know we had to make this clear. Let there be no question about it. What do you do? There was a sign we wanted to check out. Oh, the tapestry, right. In the bold ochre letters. Old ochre. Or ochre, as I said in New York. Ochre letters.

With ties. Yeah, it's just a shrine to the yellow king, but it had this very intense yellow sign painted. The same sign that's the symbols that you found, the holy symbols that you found on the cultists that attacked you while you were walking around town.

But this symbol, while it isn't magical in nature, it just feels, as you watch it, you hear voices in your head. Is that just a trick of the imagination? Maybe. Or maybe it's the okra sign. You did it again, I think. Okra. I did that on purpose.

Can we take it down from the wall? Sure. We take it down from the wall. Now you are frozen in amber. I was just going to throw it over the top of the amber cage like a parakeet. Oh, that's fun. I like that. Okay, cool.

So you take this unholy carpet and throw it on Atticus's suspended corpse. Oh, maybe he'll just go to sleep. Yeah. And Aldo will start hanging baubles, like old spent alchemical bottles, like around his body. Oh, that's fun. To make it look like,

oh, this is a festive decoration. It's art. Will you also drink too much and yell at Sir Julie to make me feel at home? Yes, I will. Merry Christmas. That's right. I'm glad we did this.

We'll argue about money until about 4 a.m. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. You did find some meditation incense in that room, so you think that maybe this sign that was painted there was some sort of focus of the meditations, but no magical properties. So you've pretty much cleared this out. You leave Atticus covered and decorated.

Maybe she'll have a present under there. Didn't see that coming, I'm going to be honest. Angeline, can you draw that? Oh, And on the sign covering him, Aldo paints, ho, ho, ho, now I have a stage magician

on it. Do you guys leave the building? Yes, now we leave. Our work is done here. Let us go. We've made every joke we can. It's time to leave. We have exhausted our supply of jokes.

All right. So we'll go back to the top map situation. I will delete Atticus since we won't be seeing him ever again. And the three of you... The spirit of Christmas and everything. Seriously. Exit the building. Now, your plan when you came in, you came in through this gatehouse over Shema.

You were attacked by some topiaries. You went to the bathhouse, found some magical soap, and then talked to a couple perverts. After searching their trunk of dildos, you then went over here and went down a hole to find some ancient beings that tried to make a pact with you. You murdered them.

And then found the ghost horse. And then a giant pact with you. You murdered them. And then found the ghost horse. And then a giant plant attacked you. And now Atticus is frozen for a week. So there's one more outbuilding. Hell of a September. I know. I'm just thinking about my family listening to this.

What is going on? This is a job? like, what is going on? This is a job? You gave up a good job. A good job for this. You don't have to do this. Oh, baby.

Is E4 a new member of our adventuring party? You know what? That's just rude when you do that to me. That was obviously an error. E4 is your new adventuring partner. You see E4 come up and says, Hey, what are you guys doing here? E4!

It's just a giant letter E and the number 4. You guys, hey, what are you doing in Iris Hill? Your exploits are legendary for. You don't get many visitors around here and they disappear. Ah, a sorcerer. There's one more outbuilding and then there's the main mansion.

I would like to exhaust the outbuildings. As you're walking towards the outbuilding, everybody roll a perception check. I'm going to use my giant, ridiculous thigh. 90, 19. Oh, baby. Come on. Norse foundry.

Guaranteed. 11. Many caps? 27. 27 caps? 27. 27? Goddamn. All right. We have some options here.

You here, all of you. No, not you. You're busy. You're still talking to E4. What alphanumeric magics do you possess, E4? What alphanumeric magics do you possess me for? Over this Over this hedge here This hedge that you found out grew

Seemingly overnight Ten foot high hedge You hear some rustling Of something or someone Climbing over it Oh shit Okay, once again If there's a bustle in the hedgerow Don't be alarmed now over it. Oh, shit. Okay. Once again,

if there's a bustle in the hedgerow, don't be alarmed now. Let's just go check it out. We've got a couple options here. I think we all know what's happening here. Joe's gonna bring in a new character. Now,

in thinking about this today, I thought there's really two options we can do this. The easy way or the hard way. Oh, God damn it. God, come on. I will say

I don't want to do the hard way. But since it's Christmas and my left arm is going numb, I'm going to let you choose. Who wants to do it the easy way? Come on. Not one vote.

All right. That's a strong response for easy way. It's going to be tough to beat. I should say Joe doesn't know what either of these ways are. Oh, this is so dumb. I shouldn't have done this. Okay. God damn it.

You, Alto, and you, Sir Julie, look at the hedge, and you see not one, but two halflings climbing over. Oh, what? It's a whole-ling. How does he do it? How does he do it? Bottlecat! Bottlecat! Bottlecat? Bottlecat! Bottlecat!

Bottlecat! Bottlecat! Nah. Thanks, anyway. It's been how many years we've been playing, and we never went there before. No, I never made that joke. Never came up. I think I had two halflings in the same place at the same time.

But not one, but two halflings appear. What does one of them look like? Oh, you're a bastard. I know. Look at his face. He's so upset. I really didn't want to do this. Oh, my God.

All right, then. You see creeping over this hedgerow, you hear of the hedges. It diverts your attention. You look over and you see, I guess, first of the two halflings peeks their head over the hedge, looking around. You see a sort of unremarkable looking halfling face, a mop of curly, light brown hair

over some slightly pointed ears. And one hand, then another hand, and natural 20. Wow. That's a good start.

And you don't know what they are thinking. And they continue to clamor over the hedge. And just behind that halfling is another halfling. But he is remarkable looking. And he's wearing a real nice shirt. And a vest, a brown vest. Don't forget the brown vest. He's got some boots that are laced up.

And he's right behind you. And he climbs over as well. For God's sake. And the two halflings land nimbly right in this alleyway between the stable and the next building. And now all of you see them. Even E4 is shocked. Two? A whole bowling?

And they my guy just Okay, so my guy is in front, and you see a light brown tunic. Brown, you know, overcoat. Green cloak, hooded. And he looks up,

sees Aldo first, through this little alleyway, and it's just like, eyes widen, and he's just like, oh. Oh my goodness hello hello i was not expecting to see anyone here now we're surprised as well state State your business, halfling. What were you expecting to see?

Well, my cousin and I here were... Your cousin's remarkable looking, by the way. You? You, not so much. Stay your tongue. I wish to speak to the cousin. He's much. Stay your tongue. I wish to speak to the cousin. He's mute.

Ah, okay. He always says he can't improv. He's very sensitive about it. So let's just... We are, of course, somewhat expected, but were rather alarmed by the scene of horrific blood and gore at the main entrance and thought maybe another way round would

be best. Are you servants of the Count? No. Yes. Maybe. Maybe. Hold on a minute.

Where are we on this? Quick huddle. I'm sorry. Quick huddle. Sorry. Sir Julie. You know what? Excellent. We needed a huddle as well. Oh, great.

Please. We're not, right? I thought... I'm not, but I thought you were. I'm not at all. But it's a... Wait. It's at all. But it's a power move. It's a power move. How so?

Well, if you're in the service of a count, you yourself, if you're bitten by the count on the full moon. Oh, yes, you gained a count's powers. Yes. That's it. So we're count men. Count men. Count men.

And a woman. Top count people. We're accountants. We're count men. Count men. Count men. And a woman. Top count people. We're accountants. We're accountants. Counts accountants. Hey. Hey. Oh, hey.

We're ready. We're ready. Yeah, we're ready. We've got an answer. We have an answer for you. We have a firm of those names. Oh, yeah. We've got...

We're a firm of accountants. A firm. A firm of accountants. Casimir, Andrews, and Price. Right. Yes. That does sound like a different... Now, Price, Casimir, Andrews. Price, Casimir, Andrews.

Now, who are you? You know, it is staggering how perfect this is. I was looking for an accountant. Oh! Well, you found three. We also have a staff.

Yes. Well, it's the accounts that brings us here. So, perfect. Is there a place where we could sit and talk where there are not hideously deformed and discarded corpses. Yes, yes. Come into this outbuilding. We shall sit in the shade of the Christmas rat

and discuss your business. Yes, yes. Just do not descend to the level below the basement. No, don't go deeper. Don't go down the stairs. Whatever you do, don't strike the Christmas rat. And don't strike the Christmas rat the basement. No, don't go deeper. Don't go down the stairs. Whatever you do, don't strike the Christmas rat. And don't strike the Christmas rat.

Please. And so Aldo, Halster, Sir Julie, and their two companions gathered round the Christmas rat to share stories about their respective journeys.

It was a night they would remember for a long time. What's your name? Well, I... My name is... Bungleby. Bungleby? Bungleby Luna. Like Bungleby, not Bumbleby? Bumbleby? Bunglebee. Bunglebee? Bunglebee Luna. Bunglebee, not Bumblebee.

Bumblebee? Bunglebee. Bunglebee. Bunglebee. Bunglebee? Bucklebee. B, there is no K. It is a bungle.

B-U-N-G-L-E-B-E-E. Bunglebee. Yes, that is correct. Bunglebee. That is correct. I could tell you are accountantsants This is my grandmother's name This is my cousin Little P Little P

He's very shy Bungleby and Little P Climbed over a hedge. And we... And you can see Little Pea looks very alarmed. Bunglebee... Ha ha ha! Ha ha!

We are... We have come from a... My... Well... Why did you do this to Joe? I'm so sorry. Why did you do this to him? This is horrible. No, no.

I simply mean to say that we were... we are, the Count is our cousin. Oh. Oh. The Hazerton Bunglepies. No, the Lunas, the Hazerton Lunas. You know. Yes. Yes.

Exactly, precisely. And our mother, our dear late mother, owned some of the family heirlooms, which are currently possessed by Count Lowell's, and were due my late mother. And the count has mysteriously left town, leaving his obligations behind, and so we have been sent to pick up these very items. We heard he would not be home.

We did not wish to cause much distress, but we saw there seemed to be something quite awful out front. We simply wish to get these items and then be on our way. In the middle of the night, that's the best time to get the heirlooms back. Sounds perfectly reasonable. Well, we didn't want to bother anyone during the day. Do you have your letter of transport? Of course we do, little P.

Don't tell me he always does this. You had one job. One job. You know, it's a simple mistake. We just left it at our grand estate where we live. What is that estate's name? Perhaps I've been there.

I am glad you asked. It is the Buttonwood. The Buttonwood. The Buttonwood Estates. I'm afraid my knowledge of estates is limited. Long has it been held by the Lunas. And so, yes, if we could... Little B, would you describe it for us?

He's saying it is rather large, very impressive, and you should visit. He's inviting you to visit one day. We would love to come. That's too kind of you. Where is it? You know, I don't know you that well,

and I don't prefer giving my home address. So I do suggest that we get out of your hair. We will find where these particular heirlooms lie, and then we will notify you of what we have taken, and you can properly account for it in the... Ledger. Accounts, yes. Yes, yes.

That word. Would you like us to accompany you to these heirlooms? Please, let us help you. Yes, yes. That word. Would you like us to accompany you to these heirlooms? Please, let us help. Yes, yes, of course. As accountants of the count, we are privy already to the heirlooms' locations. We can direct you right to them. We just have one bit of duty in one more outhouse,

and then we'll go straight into the estate. Well, my cousin has a fear of strangers, and... Okay, yes, we'll go with you. It will be best. Perhaps you can lead us there. If your cousin needs reassurance, he should know that I know no fear. Oh, well, that is great. Neither do we. None.

So Julie is a paragon of goodness and virtue and also a certified public accountant. I've never heard those two things together before. A lawful good accountant it cannot be. It was a backup plan my father insisted and so I'll go Halster, Sir Julie Bungleby and Little P decided to form a party

to go check out this last building before heading to the mansion to investigate the art. You come up to the door. What do you do? Mitchell P., would you do the honors? No, no, no, we insist. It would be rude of us to go first.

Would you please stop badgering him? I'm sorry. He's very sensitive. Allow me to take a look. And he comes up, and he does a perception check on the door, looking for traps. So I'll start with that. Okay. That is a... So sorry. Okay. That is a...

So sorry. New character. 29. 29. 29. You walk up to the door. Can you control your guy? I haven't tried yet.

I didn't know you were going right into... You should be able to do it now. Yes, I can now. You listen at the door. You check the door for traps. You don't detect any traps. However, that perception is high enough that you hear some movement in there.

It sounds like a sloshing, a wet... some movement in there. It sounds like a sloshing, a wet, like a... And Little P looks terrified. So terrified that he walks around this building and stands over here. Come, Little P.

Little P! I told you he would be frightened if you all came. Well, just stay in the darkness and wait for us for a moment. He then backs into the hedge. Wait! All right. Well, there is a little bit of gurgling, I hear. Some water.

And... Yep, there it is. I hear that accountants largely have the run of the place. Is that right? So what is it I'm hearing on the other side of this door? I know you're familiar with the estate. Well, that is true, but I should give you a word of warning. Although we are authorized to be here, as I'm sure you would be, there are people here who don't agree.

And if you are seen in our company and vice versa, they might try to kill us. So it's only logical that we should try to kill them first so that they don't get the chance. That's the general plan of action for this whole sort of area. It's an accounting thing. It's an accounting thing.

It's just an accounting sort of... So you just have to trust us, I suppose. In this medieval world, it is very dangerous to be an accountant. We like to account for these encounters with us alive and them dead. Debts, credits, etc.

So are you saying that the estate itself is being infiltrated and invaded by people that are not us, and we have to protect the estate against them? Exactly. See, he's very sharp, this one. Exactly. See, he's very sharp, this one. Exactly. Well, then, for my cousin the Count. And he will open the door. He opens the door. Now, aside from the manor house,

this looks to be the largest of all the buildings you've explored. There's a big cowled chimney that juts from the middle of the roof on the outside. You listen, you hear this sloshing wet sound, and you open the door. You see a couple things inside. Long tables covered in various utensils and food line the walls of this large kitchen. There's also a fire crackling and a massive stone hearth.

On the southeastern work table, there is a pile of quickly spoiling butchered horse meat. And the room smells like something else has gone bad in here long, long ago. There are also four Kuru warriors

standing in the kitchen. Whoa. Two are currently making a mess trying to prepare a meal while the other two simply reach into the pile of horse meat and eat it raw.

Blood and horse flesh dripping down their faces. Thank God little P didn't have to see this. The four of them stop what they're doing. Horse meat hits the floor. They let out savage howls in unison and go to attack. Roll for initiative. Here we go, Philly. Aldo, what'd you get?

I'm rolling another die that I got as a gift from Sean out there. Natural six. Come on, Sean. Sean, why can't you be more like Norris Foundry, whose dice always roll really high? It is known. What's the total? Twelve. There goes Sean's fledgling dice business.

Sir Julie. Ten. business. Sir Julie. Ten. Ten for Sir Julie. How surprised? Ooh, that's a 19. Oh, 19 totes? Totes. Totes, my goats.

And what about Bungleby Luna? That is a 23. 23. Good start for Bungleby. 23 for old Bungleby That son of a bitch Little P is just Little P'ing his pants in the hedge up there So he is shockingly

Not going to take part in this combat Or any combat Round one It is Bungleby Lunaster Bungleby is like Op opens the door and is just like, did not expect this. Looks at the incredibly heavily armed and armored lady behind him and is just like, this looks like a job for you, and steps aside.

So he's going to take a five-foot step and ready an action to attack, if anything, steps within his melee range. Interesting, interesting. Bold opening move for your new character in your hometown. Halster. Halster is going to take Bunglebee's lead

and take a five-foot step and ready an action to attack should any of these Kuru warriors leave their horses behind and want to tangle with the best accounting firm you've ever fucking seen? We should get some letterhead drawn up just in case they need to show any evidence that we actually are an accounting firm. Castaway or Anderson Price. You know what else we should do? Roll five levels of hit points. Oh! Which we never did, but I just remembered.

Just start with five hit points. Okay. Whoops. Aldo, you can just do it. What do you got? Aldo is going to move to Siduli's west. He's going to dart across there. And he's going to move to Sidule's west. He's going to dart across there. And he's going to toss a bomb at the father, the one on the eastern side of the building.

Okay. I believe he has line of sight there. You do have line of sight. Awkward little throw in there, but I'm going to say he can get in there. All right. Let's roll the hits. That is... That is a 15 against touch AC. 15 against touch, flat-footed.

That is a hit. Yes! It's the first bomb of the night! All right. How much damage to that poor soul? That is 13 points of fire damage. Yeah, baby! And it is... That is additionally

8 points of damage to the other two near him within 10 feet of him. Oh, okay. Do they get reflex save for half? They do get reflex saves for half. Okay. The first one rolls a 20 to the north, and then the one to the south rolls a nat 20.

Okay. Dirty 20 and a nat 20, so four points of damage. Four points of fire damage to each. Okay. They are quite spry, those fellas. Okay. Sir Julie Andrews. It's my turn?

Yes. I rolled terrible. Yeah, well, maybe they were too busy eating horse meat to be ready to fight. I'm already in action as well. Okay. Is that what a soon-to-be new father would do? Well, it is what a knight with a backup job as a fake CPA would do. That's fair.

That's fair. Don't say the fake part so loud, Matthew. Oh, sorry. All right, so you're going to ready an action. Yes. What is that action? Same thing. As soon as something steps into that square, I shall attack.

Now, I can only ready a standard action, right? Correct. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Well, one of these maniacs comes running out the door. Take your readied actions. Yep.

What order would you like to go in? I will go with Atticus first, right? Not Atticus. Atticus does this. Bunglebee. Draped. Bunglebee, just as swift as you can see, pulls out a dagger and stabs the thing as it comes past.

He is flanked, but no longer flat-footed. Natural one. There it is. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. How many attacks do you get? One. That would be a confirmed Famboni. That is a confirmed fan.

This is amazing. That would be a confirmed Famboni. That is a confirmed fan. Oh, come on. First attack is a natural one. Big ass die. They can see it in the back row. Yeah, as this tradition is right. Okay, let's go with... Any locals? I'm going to look for local.

I have Ryan from... I don't know if it's that local, Ryan from Spring Grove, Pennsylvania. Hi, Ryan. Nope. All right. This one's called Angry Skid. Oh, boy.

Oh, dear. Your belief that the logic of the real world does not apply in a fantasy setting has angered the man not even God himself can kill. Are you kidding me? Oh no. You take 1d4 temporary negative levels.

Oh, what the fuck? Oh my god. As punishment for your transgression, will save reduces the penalty to 1. This penalty lasts for one hour after which the temporary negative levels are removed. Oh, this is amazing. Your backup's backup is going to be little P.

Give me that will save while I clutch my D4. I don't mean this to sound as mean as it's going to, but I don't know if Joe could play a mute character. That's true. Oh, that was a good match. All right, Bungle B, let's see what we'll say. I'm sure you put a lot of points into will. I think Troy's Christmas wish is coming true right now.

Someday at now. Someday at Christmas Joe will be one. You can do it. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. I got that baby. 19 against its AC.

Only one negative. Yeah. All right. All right. Curses. Foiled again. These fumbles are insane. I reiterate my opposition to the entire program. Because they're all either stuff like this

that completely destroy the game, or diarrhea. Or diarrhea. That's like everything that's in the fumbles. Those are the only two options. Halster, take your rated action. Boom. Natural effing 20. Oh my god! Get out! No!

No! No! A tale of two men. All I want for Christmas. Confirmed with a 16 on the clock! Yes, yes, yes. Oh, the best part is Joe has to read me my critical.

Little P comes out of the hedge to look on in awe at Halster's crit. Oh, God. So angry. So angry. Oh, God. Oh, little P. Amazing if that made little P able to speak.

Oh, here's one. Chris from Philadelphia. Yeah. Hi, Chris. Might be a few Chris in the room. This one is Ferris Bueller, you're my hero Your allies

God, it's 15 minutes long Your allies Words make you feel Like a legend, even as their tone makes you feel Like a legendary idiot Every ally with an earshot of you May attempt a DC 15 diplomacy or bluff Check as immediate action, each successful check check grants a cumulative plus two morale bonus to damage for 2d4 rounds,

but also a cumulative minus one penalty to AC. Come on, Chris! I'm glad we're accountants. So effectively, it's like a power. We're giving him a power attack, right? Everybody just roll a DC 15 diplomacy or bluff. If you hit it, it adds two to his damage. Okay.

And you get double damage plus whatever we roll. I hit it. Sir Julie says, strike true, Houster. As true as our jobs as accountants are. Keep on talking accounting to me, Sir Julie. You're both great. I made a bluff check. Yes, plus two.

So plus two to damage and double damage. No, plus four so far, and I also pass. Do I get to... With also a bluff. I've never seen a fighter so strong. And you get plus six, so double damage plus six. Sweet. Wow.

Oh my God, he's going to kill him. 30 points of damage. Wow. Opening round. Not shitting you, 29 hit points left. Yeah! Slap! Bad ass.

The Kuroos inside see this happen and hesitate. Do not follow. They're now dead. Son outside. Son? That was a whole family? It's a whole family of Kuru. Oh, no.

That was the sun. And it is a new round, and it is Bunglebee's turn. All of the Kuru inside the building hold. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. You are a son of a bitch. He'll delay. Delay.

Bungleby delays. Give the people what they want, Troy. Halster. Yeah, let's go in there. We're going straight in there to the one that Aldo struck. Boom. And we'll swing out of them. Do it.

Let's get it. Do it. Let's get it. Do it. Let's get it. That is going to be a 25 to hit. Oh. Yes. Rolling rocks. 19 points of damage.

Oh, my gosh. And that one is dead. Yeah. Grant single-handedly taking it down. Oh, hold on one second though. Oh, come on! You liar! Oh dear.

Grant? 17 points of damage. Still up. Okay. Still up. And, to add to your fun, down the stairs rushes another Kuru. Oh, no. Just going, ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!

That's what he says. They have divine secrets, this sisterhood. He rushes right up to Halster, but he double moved to get there. So that is his turn, and it is that is his turn. And it is Aldo's turn.

Bumblebee has still held and Little P has backed back into the hedge. Man, okay. Aldo says, come on, Bumblebee, get in the game! And he darts inside the doorway and he is going to throw a bomb at the creature that just came up the stairs. Okay. And you have that power to do so without affecting your buddies. I do, yes.

Or allies, as they're known. Oh, that is a cracked die. That is excellent. That is a 21 against touch. I see. Oh, that is a cracked die. That is excellent. That is a 21 against touch AC. Oh, that'll do. Yep. Alright, so that is 15 points of fire damage.

15 points of fire damage. And the other two make a reflex save. All of them make a reflex save. Okay. I still have an X on that guy, but I'm going to change that in a second. That guy rolls a 19. Excuse me, 18.

The one right that you just hit rolls a shitty 9. And the one just to the south of him rolls a 20. Okay. The one that rolled in single digits takes 8 points of damage. The other two take 4. Okay. The one that rolled in single digits takes 8 points of damage. The other two take 4. Okay, well, that does kill the one. There we go.

All right, there we go. There we go. One that came down the stairs is messed up, and now the one down the bottom takes a little bit as well. Okay. Bungleby, you good? Yeah, I'm good. Thrilling.

At that moment, you hear a sound of a crash out in the alleyway between this building and the building that you just came in. And Sir Julie, I'm gonna give you a free

perception check. Sixteen. Sixteen. You see lying on the ground another Kuru just jumped out the window. And in fact, you hear Little P

go, Ah! It's a miracle. It's a Christmas miracle. It hits the ground and that's its turn. We'll say it stands up but it just stays right there. And it is your turn, Sir Julie. Come on inside. The water's fine. Yeah, Sir Julie. Come on inside.

The water's fine. Yeah, Sir Julie is going to step in. I shall cover your rear, Halster. And I will, what? I'm going to attack the southernmost Kuru. The southernmost Kuru, do it. Power attack, furious focus. That's going to be a 17 to hit.

That'll hit. Okay, great. That's going to be a lot of damage. Yeah, it is. It's going to be 24 points of damage. Oh, my goodness. Still up, Sir Julie. Still up.

And now. All right, I'll go. Oh, now you want to go. Now that they've done everything. And now. All right, I'll go. Oh, now you want to go. Now I'll go. Now that they've done everything. All right. He is going to move in. He's so small and so fast. He's about three feet tall, and he just comes in around Aldo and goes through his square

and through Sir Julie's square and is going to attempt to sneak past the creature that is right in front of Sir Julie. So he's going to like acrobat and try to get through its square. Roll your acrobatics check. So CMD plus five on my Bad roll.

Bad roll. That is a twenty. Oh. And you gotta beat my CMD plus five. That is a 20. Oh. And you've got to beat my CMD plus five? That's a fail. Yeah. So it takes an A-O-O, and it swings a club at your face.

That's going to be an 18 to hit. Miss. Come on! He charges it. Goes up off the wall. Not right now. Can't find a way in. And he comes back behind Aldo and sees this other creature in the alley. And it's just like,

Little P, do that thing you do. You know. Little P recedes further into the hedge. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not now. That's not the thing you do. That's not the thing you do. Not that thing thing you do Not that thing you do, the other thing I wasn't talking about the hedge thing

Alright So I don't remember it all God, my initiative tracker is out of control here Alright, so at that moment Coming down the stairs is another one of these dudes. Oh, no. You've woken them up, and they met.

Oh, they were sleeping. Oh, it's so cute. So cute. It's weekend guru time. Cannibal guru time. Comes running down and can't really get into the fray. Let me reveal them here. The one to the north takes a five-foot step down

and goes to bite and swing a club at Halster. Very low chance to hit on the bite. Misses on the bite. And then with the club, misses on the club to Halster. The one right next to Halster will do the same exact thing. 15 on the bite. Miss. And then the club, Clubbington, 18.

Miss. Nice. Julie will do a bite. Nope. And then a club, 21. Hits exactly. There we go. This guy just clubs you. Take it to the club.

Seven points of damage. Power attack. You hear another crash coming from the other side of the building. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then coming down the stairs is yet one more Kuru. Oh, my God. I am

so hot. It is Sir Julie's turn. Alright, Sir Julie will first take a swing at the southernmost one. Okay. Power attack, furious focus. Critical threat. Let's do it!

27 to confirm. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Amazing. All that matters is if this critical effect has lingering this critical has lingering effects. Let's see. We're just going to go quick here.

Kelsey from Madison, Wisconsin. Hey, Kelsey. As you wish. As you unleash a vicious attack. Great movie. You cry out with such fervor that your opponent has no choice but to obey. Double damage and your target is essentially affected by your cry like the command spell. You give the subject a single command. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, why don't you just command him to die. Three Kuru down. One, two, three, four, five that you can see. There was a crash on the western side of the building. Three Kuru down. One, two, three, four, five that you can see. There was a crash on the western side of the building. I get another attack. All right, take your attack, Sir Julie. So I will attack the one that's standing right next to Halster.

Fair. Miss. Miss. You got cocky with that second attack. Next round. How's the price? Howzer's going to expend the use of fervor to cast a vine favor on himself because shit just got real. Sure did.

And he's going to strike out at the semi-damaged Kuru directly in front of him. Here it comes. Come on, baby. Come on, baby. That is a 22 to hit. Yep. Nice. 13 points of... No! 18 points of damage. I'm sorry. Only had 10 hit points left. He's done as well.

Making quick work of these Kuroos. Tonight. I'm just trying to get as many possible copyright infringements Making quick work of these Kuroos. Alright. I'm just trying to get as many possible copyright infringements for YouTube as we can get. As many YouTube violations as possible. Trying to rack them up. Alright, the one at the bottom of the stairs

rushes over on top of his dead cousin and takes a one swing at Sir Julie's face. Batter up. Miss with a 16. And it is now. That's too low.

Aldo's turn. Aldo, how high are the ceilings in here? Ten feet. Okay. Aldo is going to throw his arms around Sir Julie's neck and spit in a vial and say, Drink this! And pour it down her throat.

As a full round, Axie is going to cast Enlarge Person on Julie. Oh, man. All right, so Sir Julie grows, pushes that guru. Takes a round. Takes a round.

Oh, takes a full round? Okay. Well, I'll move them out of the way. Halster, that's going to push you into one of those squares adjacent. Okay. Bungleby. All right. Not that way.

He'll go another way. He's going to go run around the back edge of the room and just run super fast and then roll an acrobatics to avoid an AOO from this guy. Okay. And go around until he's flanking him with Halster. Or attempt to. Okay. No, he definitely will. He'll just attempt to avoid the AOO with a 30.

Yep. There we go. All right. He slips into the room and then gets across from Halster and gives a quick nod like, We got this. All right. And that was a double move, right? So you don't get to attack?

Correct, yeah. Correct. It is one of my Kuru's turn unless he's dead. He isn't. All right, the one that jumped out of the window and stood up, he comes over to Aldo. He looks a little damaged, and he will take one swing through the door at Aldo.

18 to hit? A miss! All right, Aldo. 18 to hit. A miss! All right, Aldo! I am rolling. Shitty! I'm not going to take power attack off, though. So it is... Oh, all right, it's Kuru time.

Here we go. The one that is next to Halster and Bunglebee is like, Hey, who are you? And goes to bite and smash you. First the bite, miss on the bite, Googlebee is like, hey, who are you? And goes to bite and smash you. First the bite, miss on the bite, and then a miss on the club. Just dancing back and forth, hard little target. One next to Sir Julie, bite, miss, club, miss.

And then the one that was a step away from Halster takes a five foot step on his corpse. Goes to bite Halster. Miss. And then a miss. Yeah! This is the worst! I don't think we've seen you this cold for a long, long time. It's Sir Julie's turn.

All right. Sir Julie's going to go for the southernmost guy. Power attack, furious focus. 30. Oh. That's going to focus. 30. Oh. That's going to be a 17 to hit. 17 to hit is a hit. That will be 18 points of damage.

Okay. Second attack. He's still up? Yeah. Same guy. That's going to be a miss. 12. That's going to be a miss. 12. That's going to be a miss.

Around the bend, I opened a new tab. Around the bend, another Kuru appears. The sound, no doubt, from that broken window. And they're so amazing. I'm just going to have him double move right behind his buddy.

And he says, in Kuru speak, how's it going in there? Are we winning? Is our whole family still alive? If any of you speak Kuru, that's what you hear. It is Halster's turn, top of a new round. Halster's going to take advantage of this

sweet flanking the amazing Bunglebee has provided and will strike out with a critical threat. A 19, baby. Wild. Pringle. Pringle. Pringle.

Confirms with an 18 on the die. Amazing. Oh, buddy. Gross. All right. Charlie from Sheffield in the UK. Hey, Charlie. Sheffield.

You'll be all right. You lash out with your weapon and lop the target's dominant hand. Double damage, and the target must make a reflex save or drop what they're holding. If the reflex save is a natural one, they lose their hand. 26 points of damage. All right, that doesn't kill him. Natural 20 on the reflex save, so you lose a hand. Does it say that?

It does. It does say that. And then right after that, it says Merry Christmas. Very weird. It's fun. They knew that was coming. Alright, so Halster is without a hand. It is Kuru up five's turn. Oh, he's still alive. Alright. He's like, hey! I paid myself.

Why am I in this adventure? And he then swings at Sir Julie wildly with his club. Nope. Misses. And then with a plus zero on the bite, 18. Nope. No. Is bite against touch, you think?

No. Come on. Somebody say yes. No. No. No. Absolutely not. Should be.

I'm trying to touch you with my teeth. I'm trying to touch you with my teeth. I'm trying to touch you with a sword. It's not... It doesn't matter. Stupid character with a plus zero. Aldo, what do you do? Aldo. Sheffield is where Sean Bean is from, by the way.

And Patrick Stewart, right? Is he? Is he from Sheffield? I don't know. I'll look it up. Okay. Let's stop the up. In the meantime okay so Sir Julie gets big

Oh that's right Sir Julie gets big. Halster gets pushed up. This guy gets pushed over and Sir Julie is large in a chair There we go There's my big lady friends Now she's

blocking you from all the other people in the room, but there is a dude right next to you if you want a five-foot step. Oh, yeah. Can I five-foot step into this bar area? Yeah, why not? Okay. Well, actually, okay. So Aldo is going to swing...

Oh, he can't do that. All right. So he's going to move action, draw his sickle. Okay. And then swing at this creature that just is standing at the doorway. Okay. That is a 10. That is a miss.

Okay. Patrick Stewart is not from Sheffield. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Yeah, that doesn't sound right at all. He doesn't sound like he's from Sheffield. He's not. Where is not from Sheffield I don't know what the fuck I was thinking Yeah, that doesn't sound right at all He doesn't sound like he's from Sheffield Where is he from? He was born in Yorkshire But then he grew up in Jarrow

And you think you're ready to be a father It's your turn It's your turn Your character's name is Bunglebe Skid, you know you could take a five-foot step if you'd like. You could do that five-foot step back if you want to. But I spent a move action drawing my sickle. That's fine.

You can draw a sickle and do a five-foot step. Oh, can I? Yeah. Okay. It's a free action. All right. So Bunglebee has his little dagger in hand, and he's going to reach in and grab another dagger.

Swing! And then go at this thing twice! So first attack. Do you want a five-foot step for flanking? I'm flanking with Sir Julie, but we'll see how that goes. 16 to hit? 16 hits exactly. Nice!

There you go. Yes! Yes! Sne you go. Yes! Yes! These are terrible. Okay, so that is 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage to that guy is enough to kill him. Yes! And three Kuroos left.

Okay, and then he will Take a five foot step here A little bit closer to Halster Alright, so you move to the north of that Kuru corpse And now it's Kuru time This one just looks up at Sir Julie Looks around at all his dead family members And bashes his own head in

With his club And then goes to bite himself and misses Uh, no, he will dupe in characters. AC has been lowered. Put him in the adventure! Alright, here we go. Here's a plus zero to bite. Oh, I missed. How about the club?

14 on the club. This jerk off in the back comes in and tries to take a bite on Salado. Crack die. Nine? Yeah. Oh, no, not at all.

Batter up. 21 on the clock. Yeah, that's it. There you go, Troy. All right, hold on. You did so good, Troy. You take 94 points of damage. Oh, man.

Did I read that right? No, just 11. 11. Okay. Looked like 94, but it was 11. Piece of shit character. All right, it is Sir Julie's turn. All right, the Western guy first.

Sir Julie smash. That's a miss. Giant Julie. No, actually it's a hit. 16. 16. Natural five. Yes. Giant Julie! No, actually it's a hit. 16. 16. Natural 5. Yes!

Giant Julie! And I get an extra damage die on this. Yes! Okay. 30 points of damage. Giant Julie! I mean, you just like... Blood!

There's just blood everywhere. The step on him. A huge puddle where he used to be step on him he likes that then Sir Julie will attempt to drive the great sword back over her head to stab the guy there you go slick barely

clearing that probably that's gonna hit 20 to hit an extra d6 oh my god yeah 28 points 20 to hit. Yep. An extra D6. Oh my god. 28 points of damage. One whooping wrecking crew.

All right, that one's actually still up, but you do mess him up. And now his buddy outside is like, what do I do? And he spots Little P. No! No, no, no! And he rushes,

double moves in Little P's direction. No! Little P! No! Bungle P says, Little P's nose is sticking out of the hedge, and so he double moves in the direction of Little P. And you see that happen, Aldo. And it is

Halster's turn. Halster is going to delay until Aldo takes his turn, because he'd like to exit the building. He'll basically move in and try to clear out the path of that Kuru at a certain point. Well, it is Aldo's turn, then. Aldo's gonna jump out the window.

Okay. Whoa! Somersault. Nice! And land in a pile of broken glass. Yep. Aldo's going to jump out the window Whoa Somersault And land in a pile of broken glass And He is He really wants to witness The murder of little P He wants to get a great

Vantage point on this He's like oh This should be good What the hell Do you want to go now point on this. This should be good. What the hell? Do you want to go now, Hal? Yeah, but Sir Julie's stuck in here now, so I want to witness this murder, too. I'm going to jump out the

window right behind Aldo. Oh, that's fun. I'd like to be able... I think I have enough move to get up and threaten him, right? I don't know what you're going to call Jumping out of the window We'll say that's an acrobatic check That slows down your movement enough

But if you're double moving then you're fine I'll double move You stay away from Little Peace You want a front row seat to Little Peace murder Now here's the thing Moving from the space to the south To there would provoke. So do you want to stay a space down?

Yeah, I'll stay a space down. Stay in flanking position? Yeah. Well, everyone knows what Little P's skills are. It is Bunglebee's turn. He will follow suit, looking up at huge Sir Julius, just like, I think she's got this under control. And he'll run out the window

and, little Pete! And run after him. And get into melee with this guy, but again, it takes him a double move as well, so he can't attack. So he just runs up there. Okay. It is Kuru time. The Kuru that is left in the room

with Sir Julie, sitting there with very few hit points, goes for the bite. And here comes the natural 20. Lowered AC. 90, 18. Oh. Wow.

Plus zero. My lowered AC. 18? 19. Oh! Yes, Sir Jules! Here comes the club. Amazing. And natural two on the club.

Shite. This is so pathetic. It is Sir Julie's turn. I'll take a swing at this guy. Power attack. Fury's focus. Finish him. That's going to be a 17 to hit. And there's blood everywhere. Completely annihilated.

Oh no. Will you allow me to Kool-Aid man outside? Oh my god, yes! Blood, all red! Will you allow me to Kool-Aid man outside? Oh my god, yes! Yes! In blood, all red! Oh yeah! Kool-Aid!

Kool-Aid! Kool-Aid! Kool-Aid! I'll allow it. Yeah! But you gotta say the catchphrase. Boom. Oh yeah! There it is. Oh, yeah.

There it is. Oh, yeah. So Julie busts through the door. Instead of Kool-Aid, blood goes everywhere. It's the blood woman. And now the Kuru standing next to Little P. Don't even think about it. It's okay, Troy.

You still have to roll the hit. Oh, shit. Takes a bite at Little P. Natty 13 misses Little P. But here comes the club. And you hear Little P go, No! Oh!

Natty 16 hits Little P for seven points of damage. No! Just as he gained the power of speech! Such a tragedy! Unless they were lying about Little P being mute

Yes Sir Julie hurls her greatsword at Little P Gigantic greatsword It pierces through Bungleby, continues on its path, hits Little P, and impales both of them in the hedge. Throws it through the hedge with the power. What a turn. What a turn.

Oh, no. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo, you have a front row seat to all of this. What do you do? Aldo honestly has very little left that he can do. He is going to

drink his little potion of Cure Light Wounds that he will cast upon himself. Alright, little potion, little Cure Light Woundies. Halster, you poach, little curaleid woundies. Halster, you're right up next to the final kuru. Eight

of them are dead. And I want answers from Little P, so I'm going to save his life and then murder him myself. That is only a 14 to hit. That's a miss. That is a miss. And it is... Oh, flanking! 16! That's a miss. That is a miss. And it is... Oh, flanking! 16! That's a hit!

Yeah! 14 points of damage. 14 points of damage. Still up. Okay. Still up. Now it's Bunglebee's turn. Let's finish him! Stay away from Bunglebee's turn. Let's finish him. Stay away from Little P.

And he will stab a stab. Here we go. Miss. The first one. Miss. Miss, miss. Shoo, shoo. This might be the end of Little P.

Little P, we hardly knew ye. Unless the Kool-Aid man can take him out. What do you think, Sir Julie? I do not... Can I swing over Bungleby? I think you have a reach now, right? Yeah, sure. If you can get up there, though.

I can get just that far. We're 32 feet away. Oh, my God. It's so terrifying. Suddenly, Bungleby finds himself engulfed in shadow. Yes! Eren Yeager? This is the right crowd for that drop.

16 to hit. 16 to hit. H to hit, hits exactly. Yes! If only little P moved into flanking. 23 points of damage. And he's dead. Yeah! Sir Julie finishing the job.

She stabs down and pierces the Kuru like a kebab Pierces the final Kuru Like a kebab And you are out of combat Little P, are you okay? Little P looks at you He nods Sir Julie points her giant sword at Little P looks at you. He nods. Sir Julie points her giant sword at Little P.

Over Bungleby's head. Can you speak or not? Little P looks at Bungleby. It's all right. It's okay. Yes? Little P looks at Bunkle B. It's all right. It's okay. Yes. Yes, I can speak. My name isn't Little P. It's Big P.

Big P. It's just a bit of a joke we have. A bit of an inside joke among brothers. You know how it is. Truth be told, Mungleby isn't my cousin either. We're... What do we tell them? Brothers.

Brothers, yes. We're brothers. Let's go on to the next building. Did you lie to us? No, no. Bungleby did. I was mute. He turns around and looks up.

My giant lady, I beg your forgiveness. I was a... A fiat of your... Of your incredible arms and armor. And I very desperately wanted Big P to not say anything.

Because when he speaks, awful things come out of his mouth. Muggleby speaks the truth. I sometimes say things that I shouldn't. He's nearly gotten us both killed on many occasions. Yes. The truth. Yes. The truth. Yes.

Tell the truth now, boys. Did you lie because as accountants we intimidated you? Bungleby? Yes. Yes, we lied. Yes. Everything was a lie.

I understand completely. I, we lied. Yes. Everything was a lie. I understand completely. I think we can trust them. All right. Fair dinkum. You all are extremely well-versed in the arts of war. That was quite impressive. And these creatures, they cannot be residents of this place. What is happening here?

If you think that was impressive, wait until you see your tax return. Because we will fight for every dollar you deserve. We've never filed taxes before. Yes, we mostly work off the books. Oh. It's a cash business.

You're just opening yourself up to an audit. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you don't exactly look like accountants. All right, all right. You pierced the veil of our deception. We are not, in fact, accountants. We are adventurers.

It's there, I said it I can only apologize for our Heartless lies Adventurers? Yes Incredible What brings you here? What do you adventure for?

Why the adventure of course Just the adventure or some Some grand treasure Well I also am a paragon of goodness. That part was true. I'm using the funds we get from this adventure to pay for my studies as an actuary. How so you're any shorter? Please.

Please. I'm sorry. It's been enough deception today. Well, if we're all coming clean... No! Big P? No, they should know. Big P?

Tell us! We're not related to the Count. He has an obsessive need to speak the truth. I can't help it. We Big P's always tell the truth. Once given the chance to speak. Stares daggers at Bungleby. Well, you shall speak no more!

Not kidding. No, Sir Giant, please. Do not. Sir Giant. Sir Giant shrinks down to her normal size. Okay, fine. We are not relatives of the count, but we are...

Thieves. No, stop. Stop. Yes, but... Not of our own will. No. We are forced by the hand of our... Capitalism.

No. No. Late-stage capitalism. No, in fact. Before the workers and all that rise up. No. Our master, our lady master is incredibly cruel and has it in for Count

Hasterton-Lowes. She sent us. She? Yes. Who is this lady master of whom you speak? Oh, tell him. It's... I don't know if I should speak her name. Tell us!

It is Lady Marmalade. Lady Marmalade. No, no. She is a cruel mistress. A cruel mistress she is. If we do not return with... With certain valuables, Lady Marmalade... Don't even speak her name.

...will have Big P whipped. I had to. I had to tell them. Last time he left the whipping post barely able to stand. So Lady Marmalade will whip Big P if you don't return. Yes. Sometimes I go on adventures with her we call it

Lady Marmalade featuring Big P this um a spin-off I think you would say in the common tongue yes but that is neither here nor there who are you, really?

Adventurers, yes, but your names and why you are here. Be truthful. Did you lie about those as well? No. I am Sir Julie Andrews. I did think Sir Julie Andrews was a strange name for an account. Yes, I... I don't know why I didn't pick up on it sooner.

Well, no. One might assume it was a lie. A hastily concocted lie. It was very impressive. Yes. It is her true name. And you? Aldo Casimir. Mr. Casimir, you gave me your real name.

I did, yes. Yeah, Halster. That's it. You got it. Okay. It wasn't a very elaborate line. No. No.

And it sounded cool. You have to give us that. Well, we have made our purpose here abundantly clear. We must extract a certain amount of valuables for our master or we... Well, I will ask you. I will present you with a conundrum. A test, as it were. Ooh, a riddle.

Not a riddle. Yes. But a test, as it were. Ooh, a riddle. Not a riddle. Yes. But a test of morals. Oh. There is a great darkness here within these hedgerows. Great evil lies inside. We are here to root it out. Where do you stand on evil?

Sir Julie tightens the grip on her great sword. Oh, anti. Very anti-evil Good Right? Yes Where would you like us to stand? Where? Just be honest

We only want honesty here Of course We all do All? All of us Yes Everyone But there's more of you than just you two

Show yourselves No No No No No No, no. No, no. No, it's just Lady Marmalade back home. It's just Lady Marmalade.

Oh, my. And she did not come. Tell them why, Big Pete. Why did she not come? Tell us! It's okay. You can tell them. No, I... I think it's something you should tell them.

Please, out with it! She's... Enough with your obfuscation! She's planning a big... Having dinner with Jesus. Jesus? Having dinner with Jesus, yes. Why do you see us, Lewis?

Why is this happening now? She could not miss that. No, yes. She could you see us, Lewis? Why is this happening now? She could not miss that. No, yes. She could not miss this. Yes. Jesus Stevenson. He works in the area. Well, you see,

when you said Jesus, I myself, given my background, had a particular kind of reaction. But now that you say that it is the given name of a person that has no relation to the Jesus that I know

coming from my world. You know Jesus as well. This is the strangest thing. We fought a donkey named Jesus. Yes. A while ago. Well, Jesus is a very common name. Yes.

Oh, of course. Yes. True. You don't pass up a dinner with Jesus. That's what Lady Marmalade always says. And so here we are.

So here we are I am very glad to know That all deception has been dispelled We all know why we are all here A weight has been lifted Yes it has Now will you please kneel I must execute you for your crimes

Now Sir Julie waits They are thieves yes They are thieves But should we be so quick to deal out death and judgment? Of course you're right. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Sir Julie?

Yes. But should I? I suppose is your point yes you should yes I think it would be a very wise decision I'm just saying don't, don't do it because they may be able to help us yet against this great evil that is

burrowed in here like a tick I'm sorry earlier you said evil great evil greater than anything you can imagine Mike like a tick. I'm sorry, earlier you said evil. Great evil? Great. Greater than anything you can imagine, mate. Yes. Nasty big pointy teeth

and all that. Well, you all seem very well equipped to deal with such a thing, so if you wouldn't mind us tagging along. Well, but it is foreordained

because our companion has recently been trapped in ember and you and your friend show up at the exact moment right that this happened shut up sorry I'm sorry

this is this must this is the will of the gods yes let us pray on it together This is the will of the gods Yes Let us pray on it together Alright, join hands Totally And so

I'll do it On this, the most special day, join hands and pray it Now what do I do? On this, the most special day, joined hands and prayed. Now what do you want to do? Now, where do you think we should go next? I can very quickly tell you about the house. If you go back in, there's nothing really in that kitchen area.

If you open the door into the next room, it's a pantry. that kitchen area. If you open the door into the next room, it's a pantry. Shelves holding all manner of dry goods, fresh vegetables lining the walls. You can see that some of the foodstuffs have obviously spoiled in recent days and have yet to be

cleaned up. But there are stairs going up. Well, I couldn't rest without checking out the upstairs We gotta know We gotta know You gotta know Alright

If you direct yourself to the Bottom portion of the map You will see as you travel up the steps A stairway A hallway And a door that is open No doubt Where the Kuru came rushing down. If you look into that room, you see a large, like, servant's quarters.

Oh, wow. Looks like a bunkhouse. There's eight beds lining the walls, a few chairs, and a semicircle around the large fireplace, and a bookshelf stands along the eastern wall between two windows. There's also a few trunks sitting about the corners of the room. Halster, clear the room for everyone else, setting off any traps along the way. Okay. Several traps go off, and Halster eats all of them and passes out.

Let's check all these trunks. Yeah. Look under the beds. Very greedily does Bungleby go delving. Yeah, if you take some time here, the beds are plain. They're all outfitted with well-stuffed feather mattresses. The fireplace is an extension of the hearth downstairs that also burns with its own... It kind of warms up the room.

The shelf is stacked with a dozen uniforms, probably of the former servants that were fired because the Kurus were not dressed in the garb of Iris Hill servants. And above the uniforms are six human heads. Oh, Jesus.

So were they fired or were they fired? Oof. You look in the trunks. Their lids have been flung open and have been thoroughly looted. The whole place stinks of unwashed bodies, moldy food, and there's also like rotten flesh hanging on the

walls. And what you know of the Kurus, them being cannibals, they were eating people and preserved the heads. Is there anything on the bookshelf? Or is it just filled with human guts? Just nice uniforms of the

former servants. And half a dozen heads. There is nothing here. We've already looted the place. Perhaps we should move on to the main house. Perhaps, yes. Yes, very good. Yes.

If you go back to the main map, the ground level map, you see that the way this building is shaped, there's a set of double doors to the north, and then there's a set of double doors like right in the middle. That appears to be the main entrance whereas the double doors

that are closest to you appears to be like a secondary entrance. Is that what you say? But you can approach either. What do you want to do? Can we see in these windows? They are

shuttered. Is there... Is it climbable? The outside of the wall? It is, but the second floor of this building, it actually juts out. So about 10 feet... It's like a Tudor...

Yeah, exactly. It's Tudor style. So you would need some sick core strength to pull it off. It would be very hard. So the second floor is larger than the first floor. Right. So Bungleby looks up at this. Not that way. Cannot see in the windows?

No, all shuttered. All shuttered. Well, the count is away. Let us check this door. He'll move up to the side door and sneak quietly up to it and do a perception. First for traps. A little perception at the door. See if there's anything shady on the door.

24. Nothing shady, per se. 24. Nothing shady, per se. With your keen halfling eyes, you can tell that it looks to be unlocked, untrapped. Do we have any healing, by the way, before we charge into the main house?

Yes. Alistair can quickly channel for you. Yeah, big P is down seven. I selectively remove Big P from the channel. Hey, I'll tell Lady Marmalade. Nine points of healing. Nine points of healing.

That brings Big P back to full. Could I also ask, are we in, like, dim light out here? Could I also ask Are we in Like dim light out here? It's Overcast It's one of those days I don't know how long you've been in Threshmore

Maybe we'll find out at the next show But every day in Threshmore is dark And you never know if it's really day or night But it's clearly You would know from passage of time That you've only been up for a few hours. So it's probably still daytime, but it's just gloomy out. Not dim light, though.

Okay. If he doesn't detect any traps, how about another perception real quick, just on the listening on the other side of the door. That is a 26. 26, listening on the other side of the door. Sounds like a chair just moved.

A villainous chair. Arm yourselves. Was it a scraping sound or a rocking sound? It was more of a scraping sound, I think. No. Quiet. Chairs have notoriously amazing hearing. He will slowly open the door.

Stealthily. Stealthily. Open the door. 22. 22. You open the door. Tries to peek in. Take a little peek, little gentleman's peek,

into this small dining room. Big table, eight chairs, a glass-paned cupboard. Right when you open the door, a smell of smoke wafts at you from the fireplace in the room. You see a few dirty dishes scattered about the table, an emptied wine bottle,

and what appears to be recently used cutlery testifying to the fact that there must have been a recent meal consumed at this table. The fine furnishings inside here you have not seen in any of the outbuildings, and it reflects to you the wealth of the Lals family,

a multi-generational family that has been in charge of this area for a long time. Maybe a little bit out of fashion, out of style, but gaudy. Yeah, there's all kinds of sort of examples of hedonism to one extent or another, like throughout this place. It's just like a deviant kind of hedonism with the cannibals

or like the people having carnal relations in another place and then just like this evidence of like feasting and everything. It's interesting. It's interesting, yes.

Right. Do any of you detect any lingering magical energies? I cannot detect magic. What? I can detect magic. Thank you, Halster. So, Halster, you hold out your hand.

You hear a cop. A magical cop. Everything's under control. Shut the door. You do detect some magical auras in the room. I hold. You hold. You detect

maybe three magical auras? I sense three magical auras. Do I know? Are they all of similar power? Can I point them out to everyone? Yep, similar power. Just two in the

northern portion of the room, near the stairs, and one on the southern portion on the other side of the table. Bungleby, they're right by the stairs, and at the edge of the table maybe these are the heirlooms you're looking for. Yes. Yes, powerful magics in the heirlooms. You're a

burglar. Burgle something! Are they objects, items? Yes. Well, okay. Big Pete, why don't you go in? I'll be right behind you. No. Can I roll perception in the general areas that Halster is describing?

16. So, to the north, there's an aura he's detecting near one of the cupboards. To the south, there's one near one of the chairs. But he's also detecting one near the window Where there's really nothing So it's a little odd Um Bunkle P says It was fun playing with you

And walks into the room He'll move towards the south Keeping his back tight against the wall Big P says Looking suspiciously over all of it, let's go. And he does one of those things where he like steps forward, but then steps back.

It's always good to know you're by my side, brother. Cousin. Brother. Brother. He will move along the southern wall slowly, looking particularly at the silverware Praise check, natural one Awesome

Crushing it All such He'll keep moving along the southern wall I think it's okay Sir Julie You could come in Staircase leading up, door on the other side Sir Julie what do you do I will accompany Bungleby.

You slide in, keep moving towards... Is that a fireplace in the corner, you said? Yes. Quick perception, just examining the fireplace. That is a 26. Yeah, nothing really in there. It's warm. All right. Sorry, just to Julie, what about Halster? You slid in there. It's warm. All right.

Sorry. Just so it's really... Halster, you slid in there? Yep. Walking right behind them. Aldo? Aldo is going to... He's going to, like... He's kind of, like...

Has his fingers, like, on his bandolier, like, around his last remaining shield spell. And he's kind of like got his fingers there and he's going to walk up in the northern part of the room looking for these magical auras. Walk towards the northern part of the room looking for these magical auras. Halster stands at the entrance with Big P right behind him.

And to the south, Bungleby Luna and Sir Julie Andrews. All of you simultaneously hear a whisper. A whisper that sounds like multiple people speaking in unison. They say I cannot forget Carcosa. Where black stars hang in the heavens. Where the shadow of men's thoughts lengthen in the afternoon. When the twin suns sink into the lake of Hali. And my mind will bear forever

the memory of the pallet mask and suddenly two figures appear next to Aldo and go to stab out at them while another on the table stabs down at Sir Julie

and we will see you next year oh my goodness thank you for the show down at Sir Julie and we will see you next year. Oh my goodness! Incorporeal again? No! Thank you so much, Philly! You guys are the best!

Happy holidays! Thank you, family! Thank you! You're the best Love you guys