The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 35 – G10 to Luna

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Glass Cannon Live! made its first stop in Milwaukee, WI, as the heroes faced a monumental encounter no one saw coming. The boys were missing Grant for this trip, but special guest Sydney Amanuel stepped in for a night to remember in Brew City! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/tNwbUmN-Olo Recap 24:50 Gameplay 32:57 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Beer, bowling, brats, cheese curds, frozen custard. What a silly little town you have here. It's my kind of town, I'll tell you. Cheese! More cheese! Cheese! I'll tell you Cheese! More cheese! It's like an adult carnival Fried cheese What's the life expectancy here in Milwaukee?

About 40, 41 years old? Is that how it goes? Mine's just gone down about four days Is everyone here from Milwaukee? Give's just gone down about four days. Is everyone here from Milwaukee? Give me a shout if you're from Milwaukee. All right. What's it like living in this biker gang disguised as an American city?

I really want to know. They are very clever with the disguising But we all know the truth Oh, I can't figure this place out But you know, this is usually the part of the show Where I just shit on the city that we're in And then I shit on my close friends But having been here for over 24 hours I can't do it

I can't do it to Milwaukee And let me tell you why It's not because this town is anything special It isn't I can't do it. I can't do it to Milwaukee! And let me tell you why. It's not because this town is anything special. It isn't. You've seen one great lake, you've seen them all. And frankly, they're not that great. Blasphemy.

But I can't be too harsh about this town because people from the Midwest are the nicest people in the United States of America. It's so hard. It's the kind of nice that makes an East Coast cynical asshole like myself just find it all very untrustworthy. Like, what are you trying to hide, nicey? Right. With a smile off your face

when you're talking to me, nicey? What, do you want money to buy more cheese? Keep your distance, nicey. I don't trust him. I don't trust any of you people. We're never coming back. No, I'm kidding. We'll come back

in four or five years. I can shit on Milwaukee a little bit. Please! The only thing, I do like it. It was in a bad mood yesterday because it was raining and now it's windy and everything. But the city appears deserted. It's like it was hit by a neutron bomb.

And the only people that were immune to its effects were aggressive panhandlers. Fact. The cockroaches. So we didn't have a great night last night. But today, walking around, we got some food, I got a good night's sleep. I like Milwaukee quite a bit, so there we go. You turned them, you turned them, Milwaukee. Good for you. Now, let's talk about the elephant that isn't in the room yet again.

You might be noticing that our combined weight tonight is down around 600 pounds. That's not fair. That's because our resident dunder-headed galoof, Grant Berger, galoof, got a bad case of the Joe Pox. Yep, Grant got COVID.

Yep. And you know, Grant got COVID. Yep. You know, it's funny. It's a case that scientists and medical journals will write about for years to come. Because the team of human doctors that are treating him are just blown away that a man of his size could be taken down by a virus like this. They actually determined that he had to be infected by seven people at the same time because of his size. I have to say, Grant said to me as I was leaving for the airport, when Troy starts to say something mean about me, say something nice in response. So I will say Grant has lost a lot of weight. something nice in response.

So I will say, Grant has lost a lot of weight. Yes. COVID will do that to a man. He just shed those pounds. They don't tell you that. That's the benefit. The old COVID upside. Nobody ever talks about the upsides of COVID. Why are we always focused on the negatives?

Everyone's so focused on the negatives. Lose weight without diet or exercise. COVID. No, but he's fine. It's like shooting a rhino with a blow dart. He's going to be fine. It's just a little bit of like... Three is too many. But he never actually goes down. fine. It's just he's like a little bit of like, three

is too many. But he never actually goes down. You have to really pepper him with those blow darts before he starts to stumble. No, he's going to be fine. But like I tell the guys in a daily email that I send to them every morning,

everything you do and everything you are is replaceable. I wish you were kidding. They call me a real motivator in the boardroom. A real leader. A leader of men is what I am. According to Forbes magazine, maybe you've heard of it. I don't think they mentioned your leadership skills

at all in either of those articles. So I have replaced Grant this evening with someone that you all know from the Glass Cannon Network. They are everything that Grant isn't. They're talented. They don't smell like

an unwashed raccoon. Grant's very talented, smells great. Grant does smell great. Having room with Grant, he smells terrific. And they wear a shoe that isn't cobbled together from the discarded fabric of ten other shoes. I'm sorry,

Grant, that one's fair. You can't refute that one should we bring them out? yeah maybe you've heard of her give it up for Cindy Emanuel Hi, guys. Cindy, how the hell are you? Hi, my other guys.

These are my guys. These are my guys. Hello, everybody. Did you enjoy that limo we had waiting for you at the airport? Yeah, it was a little much. There was a lot of people in there who kept telling me, this is not your limo. We don't know who you are. But I got in anyway, and they dropped me off here, so it all worked out.

Well, we had to cut some costs, so we did a ride-share limo. Ride-share limo. You had to share the champagne. No, I'm so happy to be here. I mean, I'm sad about Grant, obviously, but happy that I could fill in. And I don't like what you said about him. I heard from backstage. Yeah.

He's very talented. He's a very talented man. He's a good guy. And he smells great. He smells great. He's amazing. You should smell this guy. Next live show.

Get a whiff. Get in real close to him right now. Uncomfortably close. Too close. The after party hang. He likes it if you get as close as possible. Kind of armpit level. Just get in there.

And you got to take that mask off. Just get in there. Take the mask off to really get in close to get a good smell. He really likes when you do that. Yeah. Sidney, if you play your cards right, I'll make fun of you too, and the night is young. Have you played a lot of Pathfinder

First Edition? Nope. Well, that's not true. I did play... You are featured on our Patreon-exclusive podcast Legacy of the Ancients. Well, I was gonna say... I was gonna say, I learned it from watching you, Troy. Because that is where I know most of my Pathfinder first edition.

I'm so sorry. That's a terrible way to learn. That bodes poorly for all of us. Thank you for putting your life on hold to come hang out with us. I imagine as you're auditioning for films and movies, just waiting for them to be like, Sidney, Emmanuel, you're sitting there being like, yeah, I'd like to be in this movie or this TV show, but what I really want to do

is go hang out with five old white guys and play a dying game. That's what I want to do in Milwaukee. In Milwaukee. Don't touch me! No, I feel so lucky, one, to be in Milwaukee. In Milwaukee. Don't touch.

Matthew. No, I feel so lucky, one, to be in Milwaukee. I've been to Wisconsin before, but only to camp in the Upper Peninsula, which is very different, very beautiful, but I've never been in the city proper. Yeah, that's Michigan. That's Michigan, Sid. Wow.

Good, strong start. Yeah, we like to endear ourselves to the hometown crowd. Well, Sid, you can only go up from here, so the crowd loves you already. And they forgive you as well. I'm really glad that we didn't correct you when you told us that earlier.

Yeah, wait, how the fuck? I said this earlier, and you guys didn't say shit. You wanted me. I was like, that's gonna be amazing when she says it in front of the audience for the first time. To be fair. As I recall, what happened was I said, with the youpers, and Skid said, the youpee, and Joe said, yup.

To be fair, it's such a small sliver. It's like so close, and we drove all through Wisconsin, so my bad. But it is beautiful. You guys should go. You guys should check out Michigan. Play that Michigan ad we recorded. When you're in Milwaukee, be sure to check out the famous arch.

The Capitol Dome. The Golden Gate Bridge. When you're in Milwaukee, be sure to check out the famous arch. The Capitol Dome. The Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate Bridge. You only got one night. You got to see the Golden Gate Bridge in Milwaukee. Well, thank you for coming. This was a huge ask.

I just texted you. I didn't even call you because I don't do that. I was like, hey, do you want to just hang out with us this weekend? Yeah, that was the text. You were like, hey, do you want to come real quick, take a flight to Milwaukee? For seven days? Real quick? Well, if you do a good job tonight,

we will upgrade you to Comfort Plus next time. Until then, you ride coach like Matthew. Alright. He's still working his way up. He's working his way up. He'll earn it. He'll earn a comfort plus. Now I want to introduce you to...

I was like, I could respond to this, but it's just going to be the bougiest fucking argument possible. I know, we set you up for failure. I'm Silver Medallion, how dare you? His only response is, I'll have you know, I only fly Comfort Plus.

And then you sound like an asshole. Well, enough about Sidney, okay? We've heard enough about her for this night. Now I want to introduce you to three men who, if they were a beer, would be called Milwaukee's worst. First up is an award-winning and celebrated playwright, humanitarian, and activist.

And honestly, when I think about it, he's one of the kindest, most generous men I've ever met in my 43 years on this earth. This is going to be bad. Yeah, this is going to be terrible. Whatever's going to

happen, it's going to be awful. Nah, I'm just kidding. That's a little hairy guy down there. Matthew Capitacasa! Matthew Capitacasa. Matthew, if you wrote a play about Milwaukee, what would you title it? I'll throw one out at you.

Go for it. The Frozen Custard Dilemma. Skid, you got one? Sausage Party. That's the Cinemax play version. What would you call it? Something good. Oh, the Lake Michigan Gambit. Ooh. Wow.

Sounds like a mystery. Sounds like. Ooh. Wow. A mystery. Sounds like a mystery. Sounds like a mystery. I love a mystery. I love a good mystery. Are you enjoying your time here? I am enjoying my time here. I had a very strange day yesterday, same as Skid.

But this morning I went out for a run along Lake Michigan and discovered that, yes, the city is indeed empty. Like, are you all okay? Like, it's the middle of the week. There was like no cars on the road. I was like, the city is indeed empty. Like, are you all okay? Like, it's the middle of the week. There was, like, no cars on the road. I was like, is everyone dead? Yeah. It was really scary. Yeah.

Yeah, no, it's every city we visit is a ghost town. You'd think there would be a reason for that. Yeah, no. Well, I'm glad you're here, and it was nice to see both you and Skid on my flight, even though I'd like to go through those flights without talking to anyone. Oh, that's definitely true. We let you do your thing, mostly. I appreciated that.

There was a talk about bougiest fucking problems in the world. At one point, we looked at the upgrade list, and Skid was in first position, and then me, and then Troy, and I feared for my life well next up is a man who is as cool as Milwaukee folk legend Arthur the Fonz Fonzarelli however he looks as old

as Mr. Cunningham. Not the fictional character, but the actor that played him, Tom Bosley, who died 12 years ago. What I'm trying to say is he looks as old as the now 12-year-old corpse of Tom Bosley.

In case you didn't understand what I was trying to say there. Skidmar, everybody. Yes, Skid! Yeah, buddy! Milwaukee's own Skidmar. Skid, big basketball fan. We got the Bucs Arena right there.

Yeah, really exciting. Giannis Antetokounmpo, one of the coolest guys in basketball and also a great player. Despite the cruelty of your intro, I have gifts. I have this. This is from our friends Eric and Drew at Norse Foundry. There's a note here. Hey, guys, this Giant Slayer is coming to an end, just wanted to send you guys each a D20 to use, or not, at the very end.

Thank you guys for six years of enjoyment. So I will give these to you. I don't want to get up and hand them out, but there is a lapis. There's a lapis die. This is for Matthew. Set that aside. Lapis. You seem like a lapis guy. He is the lap. Set that aside. You seem like a lapis guy.

He is the lapis guy. I'm not sure what the reasoning was for each of these. At one point I had a flash card for Lapidary for the GRE. That must be it. That must be it. That must be it. There's a green cat's eye for Troy. I assume for his neon green die that's killed many of us. Bloodstone for Skid.

Very nice. Blood of your enemies, Ren? I guess. And Amber for Skid. Oh. All right. And a purple cat's eye for Grant. Wow.

That seems to be everybody. I swear to God, I'm reading this right off the list that came with the dice. What the fuck? I swear. It said skid twice. They don't make mistakes there. It legitimately says skid twice. Well, obviously, they rolled

a die for each color and turned up the number for skid twice. The only thing that would have been funnier is if they said Sydney and not Joe as well. Like if somehow they knew. Dude, if they said Sydney, that'd be, yeah, that'd be some

X-Files shit. If you ever see Sydney, here's a purple cat sign. Just in case. It's weird. On the back of the note, it says, and none for Joe. Yeah. It's weird that they wrote that. Yeah.

I did message him, and he said, I'm sorry. I did mean for one of these to go to Joe. He was multitasking, and he likes Joe. He wondered, do you ever die? Just thought it was funny. He is very forgettable. At that point, at least commit to a bit. Don't say

you actually forget. Well, let me introduce this forgettable man to you. Because while he has never sexually satisfied a woman, he has also never satisfied me as a friend or business partner. Let's give a rousing Wisconsin welcome to Milwaukee Joe O'Brien.

Milwaukee Joe, Milwaukee Joe, Milwaukee Joe O'Brien. Yeah! Milwaukee Joe. Milwaukee Joe. Milwaukee Joe. Cheesehead Joe! Cheesehead Joe! Cheesehead Joe! There we go. Cheesehead Joe.

Cheesehead Joe. Cheesehead Joe. Cheesehead Joe. Cheesehead Joe. I never thought of that! That's great. Cheesehead Joe. Well done, Milwaukee.

How's your strawberry margarita here? What are you doing? Just waiting for a straw. How are you, buddy? You said to me that you had the best travel day yesterday, but then you got cocky. And God, fate, whatever you want to call it, stepped in. Do you care to regale this God?

Okay. Okay. Normally, if you say my trip from the airport to the hotel, wait to hear my story. It's because it was awful and a nightmare. And this time, it was the most amazing thing ever. I landed. I got out of the airport. My lift came super fast.

The guy was super nice. The weather was amazing yesterday. I got dropped off at the hotel. The people at the hotel were so nice. Troy had put me on the reservation ahead of time. He never does that. I got into the room three hours early. They got all of our merch.

No boxes were missing. They were like, we'll send it right up to your room, sir. I'm like, this is amazing. All of this is done in time for me to go and have a little lunch at Sobelman's, which a guy on the plane was like, go to Sobelman's, which a guy on the plane was like, go to Sobelman's, get a burger. I was like, all right, great. So I'm walking to get my burger and I text Troy.

I'm like, if these shows this weekend are anything like my trip from the airport to the hotel today, they're going to be the best shows we've ever had. Send. And I put the phone in my pocket and I'm waiting for the light to turn green and a bird shit on my hand. Honest to God. It just went, splat!

And it was the milkiest, brightest white shit I'd ever seen. And it ran all down the back of my hand and I was like, yeah, that's about right. But that's good luck. That is good luck. That's what Troy said. He was like, that's actually good luck. I didn't realize that.

Matthew's just shaking his head. Every time I've been shat on by a bird, someone's like, oh, it's good luck. And I'm like, is it actually good luck or is that just what you say to make the person feel better? Because they've been shat on by a bird. Oh, it rained and ruined your wedding? That's good luck.

Well, what could go wrong tonight? We shall see. I guess we should just check out the size of the screen. Yeah, this should be big enough to bring in one other person joining us via satellite with a screen that we had specially made to fit his massive head.

Coming up for Grant Berger! Grant, can you hear me? You're muted. Grant, you're muted. Oh, my God. Hello, Milwaukee. So you're the dear baby, Yadis Antetokounmpo,

coming back for another championship. Grant, Grant, if you could hear me, I said nothing but nice things about you. troy everything you said was accurate except for the fact i am seen by a team of veterinarians that used to tend after harambe before he was murdered how are you feeling you look great i'm feeling the last of it leaving me. I was able to get some medication. Everyone asks their doctors for Paxlo, but if they get it, I got it. And feeling okay. I'm just really, really sad.

I wish I could see all of you. I know there's a lot of people who I've known online for a long time that I haven't been able to see. I wish I could see all of you guys on stage, hang out with you. I wish I could see Sydney. You guys are in for a treat. This is just so amazing. And as much as I wish that I could see all of you, I wish that all of you could smell me. I just smell so effing good tonight. I don't know what it is. Well, we miss you, buddy. And I'm always I was very sad to have this happen,

but we're playing it safe. And hopefully we can see you in Portland and Seattle, unless you take a turn for the worse and die. It could happen, Troy. It could happen. And if it does, your face is going to be so red. You know, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Grant, I love

you, buddy. Please stay healthy, and we'll see you next month. I almost died of jealousy seeing Skid and Matthew in bathrobes together. Good night, everybody. Bye, Grant! Bye, Grant! Bye Grant Bye Grant Losing Grant

is not only a blow to the story but Grant does so much work on the technical end of things I think Joe realized tonight just how much Grant does and so we really do miss him and I think Joe realized tonight just how much Grant does. And so we really do miss him.

And he's feeling better, which is great. But we wanted to play by the rules. And so we kept him home. But come see us next month in Portland and Seattle when hopefully Grant will be there, but Matthew will not. be there, but Matthew will not. I never know what I'm allowed to joke about and what I don't, so I watch it back later and I'm like, oh, I should have

skipped that one. That's live. Folks, we're in Milwaukee. Do you guys call it the MKE? Alright. That's fun. Yeah. Folks, we're in Milwaukee. Do you guys call it the MKE? All right. That's fun. Grant? Oh, wait.

He's not here. I actually said before, too, I was having a tech problem, and I was like, don't worry. When I get to the venue, I'll talk to Grant, and we'll figure it out. And I was like, fuck. I meant Joe, I guess. I don't know. The reason you're here. Joe, if you know how, big dummy, take it to the recap!

Yeah, baby! Oh! Wow! Wow! Grant made that. Yeah. That was, uh... Wow. I asked him to do that when he was at his sickest,

and that's one of my favorite recaps. That was a beer-themed recap for those listening on audio. It was really cool. For those of you who prefer the audiobook of this show, that was beer-themed. Oh, what a long, strange

trip it's been, you would say if this was a high school yearbook. A drumbeat came in too early. Drop it. Now is what I was hoping for the drumbeat. It ruined your punchline. It did.

Do you want to say it again? Go ahead and give it a go. Oh, what a long, strange trip it's been thus far. Our hero's journey began long ago in an asylum, Sydney. Yes? At this point, everyone here in the audience, including people who have never seen this show

and have no idea who we are, know that they woke up with no memory of who they were or how they got to this asylum. Now, some weeks later, they have some more clarity. It's only been a couple of weeks. Matthew has my beer, by the way. I was wondering what this was doing here.

I'm chasing that hazy rabbit. I was like, what an unexpected blessing. Now they know their names and they know they were committed to that asylum by a man named Count Hazerton Lowles IV, the ruler of the land,

a wannabe scholar, like Matthew, who abandoned his post and went off in search of something, something perhaps connected to the world beyond. Like Matthew. Like Matthew and his weird cult friends.

Evidently, those of you whose memories are gone used to work for Laos as his hired thugs. But he traded you to the asylum to further his research, and somewhere along the way, your memories disappeared. and somewhere along the way, your memories disappeared. While the Count's been away, his assistant, a woman named Mellie Sen, was left in charge of his estate. Throughout your investigation, you discovered that she's been working with a cult of Hastur, a cult of the King in Yellow, as well as other dark allies, killing and kidnapping innocent people all over town,

offering these sacrifices to the King and John in the hopes that the ancient standing stones about town known as the Star Stelae, monuments that predate humankind. Did you just say predate? Predate. Predate. Predate.

Predate. Predate. Predate. These monuments were around before humans. And they're killing them and they're using their blood to power portals to Carcosa so that eldritch hurlers can come into our world

and wipe out humanity. That's the plan. Bummer. Yeah, it's a real bummer. Mass extinction of the human race would really ruin a weekend. It's like it would be being in Milwaukee on a Thursday morning. Oh, come on.

I kid, I kid. There's a line, Matthew, and you have crossed it, my friend. After skulking about town, you decide to break into the Count's estate at Iris Hill to confront this Melly sand and find out everything and anything you can about the Count and perhaps your former lives as well. You faced cultists,

cannibal tribesmen, living topiaries, undead flying female torsos and a very horny rug. Insatiable rug. Insatiable rug. Insatiable. The lust of that rug.

That rug couldn't get enough, man. Recently, you found a trap door leading below Iris Hill. You go down into the basement and you find the Lyle's family crypt where a creature is standing over the dead body of a woman trying to communicate

with this deceased woman with this strange device that was made by extraterrestrials. The creature knows you and decides she's not going to let you interfere in Mellie's sin and the Count's business anymore a fight ensues and you narrowly avoid death

at the hands of this denizen of Leng but before you can gather yourselves a hulking creature dressed all in black appears from the corridor you entered from, taunting you over and over again with the sign, have you? With the phrase, have you seen the yellow sign? He attacks you and you defeat him, but not without burning most of your spells, burning most of your abilities, and not without being left with both ability damage and drain. left with both ability damage and drain.

Meanwhile, to the south of the room is a hidden passageway leading further down below the manor. You have just been in two vicious, nay, three vicious back-to-back-to-back battles.

And one rug orgy. And one brief rug orgy. And one brief rug orgy. You see this winding staircase leading down into darkness, beckoning you. However, as you gather yourselves, you notice that Halster has walked almost trance-like towards this bas-relief. walked almost trance-like towards this bas-relief. He reaches out his hand and places it on Phrasma's giant face. And as he does so, he winces in pain and grabs at the symbol of Phrasma that was branded onto his neck, a symbol that you all notice seems to glow with the same fire that was used to put it there in the first place.

And as he does so, he lets out this shriek that echoes throughout the crypt. And then his hands drop to his side. And there is silence. you are all standing behind him and see only his back as he stares down this staircase into the darkness with his back to you. What do you do? Aldo's, no! Be strange, no!

And he sort of makes his way over to him, but he's so clumsy now, he probably stumbles and falls. He's got six points of dexterity drain. So he falls and hits his face on his butt as he falls to the ground. Butt fumble. Butt fumble. Butt fumble.

And you see Halster just take the shot to the butt. And then just regain his position. Sir Julie walks up to Halster. Halster, snap out of it.

And she slaps him across the face. You slap him across the face and his face barely moves from the weakness of your blow. I don't have any dream. And you realize that he's completely catatonic. What? What has happened to him? Bunglebee's looking up at you, looking up at Aldo. He seems to be completely catatonic

Smacks him again Blood starts to trickle from his nose Well he can still bleed So he can still be killed Says Sir Julie Bungleby sets his gaze And draws his knives We should get him to a safe location Bungleby sets his gaze and draws his knives.

We should get him to a safe location and see what's what. Either that or sacrifice him right here. Your thoughts. Bungleby looks around. No safer location than this. This creature's hiding here, doing whatever foul experiment with his corpse. Hidden away, locked away below.

Let us just lock the doors here. Stay right here. I'm sure anyone in the estate above is too afraid to come down here. Sir Julie looks around, assesses the defensibility

of the... Is that a word? The defensive stat? Defensive? Defensibility. Defensibility. Would you just keep talking? She assesses the defensibility of the situation. Right. And says, yes. Let us shut the doors. But first, we must obey the tenets of my order and loot the corpses and put them outside.

For one never sleeps with a corpse in the room. It's bad luck. Yes. One of the five tenets of the Dawnflower. Exactly. Never sleep with a corpse in the room. That's number two. Let's go to the map real quick and take a look at this horrific scene

you're in this crypt it's 15 feet wide by i don't know 50 feet long the dead body of royal accuser omari who came here to investigateyle's disappearance lies on the sarcophagus to the north. That's who this denizen of Lange was trying to communicate with. The dead body of the keeper of the yellow sign. You just roll into

the next room per Sir Julie's orders. Anything on their person? I don't know. Okay. But I will tell you right now.

I will tell you. I mean, that hat looks sweet. He has nothing. I think. Are you satisfied with that answer? Not at all, but let's move on. Yeah, no, he doesn't have anything on him besides his corpulent flesh that you're just kneading into as you roll him into this hallway.

And the denizen of Lange that you murdered in cold blood disappears as she dies. So you are alone in this room. Bunkleby Luna, the thieving halfling, come to Iris Hill because he knew the Count was away. Perhaps there was treasures here.

Came with his friend Big P, who also had a bit of a situation and is now also unconscious in a room and was violated by a rug. Sir Julie Andros, Knight of the Dawnflower Paragon of Good And Aldo Casimir The Alchemist With his most precious stat Dexterity

Very low right now Second most precious Out of bombs Completely out of bombs And now you got your buddy Hal Surprice War priest of Verazima Catatonic So you want to slide him into a sarcophagus and shut the lid

I prefer the term Sensory deprivation chamber Yes Alright so you slide him into a sarcophagus. We fill the sarcophagus with rats. With rats. And then we close the lid. The rats will keep him safe.

The rats will protect him as he slumbers. He likes the rats. He told me. Grant told me. He likes the rats. He told me. Grant told me. He likes the rats. He told me to tell you. We used to do horrible things when, like, a friend wouldn't show up for a session. It always involved, like,

oh, they shit themselves, or they just, like, jerk off on an orc or something. But I can't do that to Grant. So instead, we'll just shove him in a sarcophagus full of rats. And hope for the best. He'll be fine.

You're fine, Grant. You're fine. You've got this enormous power relief of phrasma with this winding staircase beckoning you, but you're in bad shape. Now, your ability Drain will not be healed

by mere rest alone. Any ability damage you have will be, but I... Are the negative levels temporary? They are. So at the end of 24 hours, you've got to roll that fort save, and if you fail that, permanent! How many negative levels does Aldo

have, Skip? I... Negative level? I don't think I... Do I have many negative levels does Aldo have, Skip? I... Negative level. I don't think I... Do I have any negative levels? Yeah, I do. I don't know. You got at least one. Okay. Joe, how many negative levels does...

You're actually in the best shape. I have one negative level. One negative level. Bunglebeast does not have any. He has one dex drain. One dex drain. What about Sir Julie? One negative level. One negative level. Bunglebeast does not have any. He has one dex drain. One dex drain. What about Sir Julie? One negative level. I will say this.

When you wake up, if you decide to rest, when you wake up, you don't have to roll that fortitude save now because it won't actually have been 24 hours. But it's lingering. You might have to roll it in St. Paul in two days, says the narrator. Now that's a clear-cut situation with the promise of comedy. So what do you want to do? Do you want to try and rest here? You're a man down in this horrifying crypt,

and you struggled against these last two foes. Yes. Yes, we're going to rest. We could rest and Aldo could mix up some more bombs and perhaps he will snap out of it in the morning. And I can pray. Yes, yes, you can pray. We need your prayers.

It will have no mechanical effect. It never does. So, we have a montage of effect. It never does. So we have a montage of Aldo making bombs while Bungleby

sharpens his dagger and cleans poop out of his pants. And cleans the aforementioned feces out of his trousers. Sir Julie sits cross-legged on the ground, praying while a catatonic house lays in a

sarcophagus full of live rats the entire night. You wake up and you are rested, but you are not. All right. You're still weak. What do you want to do? This house to come back.

You slide the sarcophagus open. A couple of rats scurry out. But it appears he is still catatonic, oddly enough. Oh, no. And that's, you know what? That's mostly because Grant's not here. I just want to lift the veil. Give him a peek inside our game.

I'd like to lift the veil. I'll just move the screen for a second. It's because Grant's not here. Oh, I see. I see. That's why he's in that sarcophagus of rats. You're not normally this forthcoming. You know?

Which is why I'm surprised. You're giving them hints. I'm doing it for Cindy, for her benefit. She's going to catch up. Why are you here? Huh? We'll find out. Who are you?

We will find out. What do you do? It is too late to turn back. We must proceed. Why? Because the narrative wills it. What? That's what we call the Don Flower sometimes, the narrative.

The great narrator. Maybe just my order. Can I, is there anything valuable in here? In this room? Is there anything on the walls? Is there anything old that seems like it might have value? To loot? Any grave robbing type? Can we open every

sarcophagus and see if there's anything of value in there? A thief such as yourself would be very interested. I had mentioned before that it holds all the bodies of Count Lyle's ancestors, but a couple bodies are missing. You see his grandfather, his grandmother on his father's side. Lyle's father is in there, but his mother's missing. His brother's in there, an aunt.

It's kind of a random mishmash of Lyle's. It's kind of a random mishmash of Laos. In terms of treasure, the aristocrats that were buried were buried with jewels. Maybe their personal jewels and other trappings. You see rings on the fingers of their skeletons, necklaces, circlets, scepters. Give me a praise check. I'm sure you put points into a praise. Twelve.

Yeah, you think you could fetch over 4,000 gold pieces if you were to grave rob all of them. He will proceed to grave rob the shit out of this place. 4,000 GP. He's just like pulling rings off of skeletal fingers and pushing the dust out from inside the ring,

the cobwebs and shit, pulling necklaces off. No compunction whatsoever about them being dead bodies or desecrating the dead. Oh, dear. And then out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sir Julie raise a crooked old finger. Sir Julie is a paragon of goodness. I shall leave the room.

Sir Julie walks out, turns a blind eye to this grave robber as he nets 4,500 gold pieces worth of treasure. Yes! Yes! Okay, so then I think at that point he's like he gets a little bit wide-eyed and he's

even all the dangers that they're facing so far, Sir Julie's pretty confident and he's just like, the dangers that they're facing so far, Sir Julie's pretty competent and he's just like, there could be even more downstairs. That's probably where they keep the most valuable things. Yes. And we appreciate here, in the Cult of the Dawnflower, the tithe you will present after the adventure concludes.

Yes, of course. It's tradition. It's tradition amongst my order to tithe 65% of one's income. I'm sorry, did you say 65%? 65%. We're quite devoted.

He looks down at her greatsword, which is larger than him. And it's like, okay. All right, 65. 65 it is. The Dawnflower appreciates your business. Downstairs, then. You also found that plus one longsword that sheds pale purple light,

equivalent to a light spell, but I don't think anyone... Yes, Sir Julie took it and sheathed it. And sheathed it, right. Has it by her side in the event she is disarmed. Let's go down. You want to go down? Straight down.

Down deeper. Aldo? Aldo. Aldo's even more clumsy now than he was when we went to bed. Because he was under the effects of his elixir. So he had an additional plus four points of dexterity that are now gone. So his dexterity is now

down to eight. So he's very out of sorts. He's very much out of sorts right now. And he's fumbling with his book, his Sheila. Like his formula book. And he's looking through it for anything,

anything that can help, health stuff, and any notes or anything, and anything that can help his condition. And he's like, ah, and he's very frustrated, he's got like paper cuts, like trying to get through this thing, and he's just like, damn it! It's just like, oh, Werner, Werner, and he's like mumbling to Werner, who's still curled up in the tumor in his neck. He's just like, He says, Werner, come on. He says, can you help me? Come on. He says, no, no, you're right.

He says, blast. Crack. I can't even think of proper curse words. It's like, out of sorts. So you're a man down, and your top-ranged ally has a dex of eight. That's awful. I also want to say that Bungleby would offer his aid, like if he can help you to put things together.

You tell me, and I'll do it. He's very dexterous, very good with his hands. He, like, pulls the book away from him when you offer. He knocks over a canopic jar, like as he does it with his elbows. Ah! Tink, tink, tink, tink. No, no, no. It's alright. I appreciate the

offer of assistance and I think I'll be fine. Thank you. And Bungleby, with that reflexive action, takes another look at that book and is like, there must be something of value in there. And he starts to plan the death of Aldo. And you see Werner, like, turning

over his little spines, poking through the skin on my neck in response. He's as protective as he is. Downstairs? Downstairs. Talk to me about this three-person party order. Bungleby. Bungleby in the lead. Yes, Sir Julie.

Might you lead the way and check for traps? Yes, of course. And he will move around, Sir Julie. He's the size of a child, so he just moves past you so easily and comes into this spiral stair and will

begin to... Well, he'll first check it for traps. So he'll first do a perception on the top of the stairs to see if he sees anything. Natural one! Bird poop! You got it, you got it Bill Lockett. You got it. You got it, Bill Lockie. God damn it.

You rolled a natural bird poop. God. That's a 17. You know what? You don't see any traps. No, Sir Julian. The statue itself must have been complicated enough that they didn't need to trap beyond it.

We're fine. Very well. Then we are safe to proceed. You first. He has no problem with this. He actually wants to go ahead because he doesn't want anyone else screwing it up. So he's going to go very slowly and stealthily down these stairs.

So he'll roll a stealth check. 23. Okay. Which was a... Natural 5. Yeah. Starting off hot! And he will move down the stairs. Wait, is it complete darkness?

Complete darkness. All right, so then he has to use his iron torch. Yeah. I have light on you, I believe, and Sir Julie right now. Can anybody cast light besides... Can I cast light? No, I don't think so. I mean, if two of you are casting light, that's going to help.

That's going to give you a lot of spread. I want to direct your attention to the right of where you're standing, and you'll see a tiny little staircase. Do you see? To the right. No. Keep looking. Oh, yeah. Keep looking.

Oh, I got you. Now let's show them. Ooh. Oh. Oh. Very mysterious. Hold me closer, tiny staircase. Let's put old Bungleby Luna over

there. Go, go, go, go, go. Eat a lot of cheese. Hazy rabbit. Where's my hazy rabbit? Everybody's got a hazy rabbit. Let's raise them up.

Hazy rabbit, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Troy, where's yours? I got two sips of a Miller Lite left. Michael, let's get him a hazy rabbit. Michael! Michael! This is what you see.

Now, you've extended your light situation here, so I'm going to show you a little bit more. This was my quick polygon reveal. You see that the staircase, the winding staircase ends in a ten foot wide

corridor that leads to the north and to the south. Whoa! I forgot I was on mic for a second. Okay. He's going to the south. Whoa. Forgot I was on mic for a second. Okay. He's going to step up to the T-intersectione. Okay.

And look to the right. And look to the left. Peeking his tiny halfling head out. Milwaukee, I don't know if you deserve this. But I'm still going to give it to you you turn your head first to the right and you see the light sort of angling around the corner

shedding its way into this circular vaulted chamber. And in the middle of this chamber, standing on a platform of natural bedrock, is a black stone monolith, similar to the two-star stone monolith. Oh. Similar to the two-star stelae. Oh, wow. What? And Bunglebee knows nothing about this.

Right. It's similar to this two-star stelae that your friends, allies, current friends have already seen, and it is glowing with a pale yellow light. There are bloodstains everywhere in the room. Is this Elden Ring? It's like, oh, shit.

He looks. He's like, fuck, boss fight. That's when I would turn around. I would just go, not yet. Not yet. not for me You just gotta find the next sight of grace There's gotta be a sight of grace down here He's looking both ways

But you see one other thing Tied to this monument Covered in blood Is a woman A woman with long black hair wearing robes that are all in black as well. And she's just lying there sort of, or standing there slumped over, half conscious.

You don't know if she's dead or alive. And what's on the left? Let's go the other way. Let's just go the other way. I don't want to risk it. We're having a good time. It sounds dangerous. Forget it.

Nah, fuck it. There's blood everywhere. Let's go the other way. I just want to flash back for a moment, and I want to compliment Joe's commitment to all of you. Because when he said he looked right and then left, he looked left and then right. Because he was mirroring it.

Like a fitness instructor. I got that from my years as a fitness instructor. That's right. Back when you were teaching Zumba. Isn't that that guy from Taibo over there? Oh, right. What's his name? Is that Billy Blanks over there?

I can't see too good. When I think of you, I can't help but think. My Taibo days. Fitness instructor. You look to the left, and you see, after about 10 or 15 feet, the hallway seems to widen into a larger chamber, but the light just gets enveloped by a deep darkness in that room. So just darkness, just darkness,

that your light cannot seem to penetrate currently meanwhile that woman stands and she seems human and seems to be breathing like seems alive

very pale skin you don't know if she's alive or not she's just slumped standing there and there's blood everywhere in fact you get that, like, copper smell, that smell of blood. The minute you peek your head around the corner, it just smashes you in the face.

It just smells like death. So, Julie? Yes? There's a body around the corner, and a lot of blood. Well, save them. Save them.

Quickly. Everyone's dead, Sir Julie. All right. He looks at the floor for traps. Single digis kind of night. That is a 25. 100% no traps anywhere. 100%.

You in fact know that there are no traps left in this book of the adventure path. Okay. He steps. That's how good that roll was. He steps out and steps to the right toward the monolith and the woman tied to it. So, Julie, it appears you enter that chamber as well,

that hallway, and you see the woman, and you recognize her. Whoa. As... Winter Claxton. Whoa! and you recognize her Whoa. As Winter Claxton. Whoa. What? Wow.

Winter. Wait. They would Aldo would know her too, right? Yes. Aldo, it's Winter. I'm coming. And Aldo, you hear him falling down the spiral

staircase. All of his bombs for the day break. Yeah, they all explode at once. He pops up and says, what did you call me? And he looks around the corner and he's like, unsteady. And he looks at us like,

oh, Bonza. I squinted a click, sir. You know this woman? Yes, she is the assistant to the royal accuser whose body we found upstairs. Assistant? Aid? Aid to call? Unpaid intern? There it is. There it is.

Well, she is already dead as well. Is she? Best to be sure. And it threw a dagger into the body. Roll the hit. Roll the hit, Jeff. Oh, come on. Stop!

Just as the dagger comes towards, she slightly lulls her head to one side, and you hear a... And it misses. He's holding, like, the blade tip of the dagger, about to throw it. And he sees her breathing. She's alive. So Julia will rush to her. Wait, I haven't checked for trap!

The room is in flames. As the fireball trap is set on. The ceiling of spikes comes down. Finn. Finn. Winter, can you hear me? It's Sir Julie Andrews, Knight of the Dawnflower Sir Julie Andrews She kind of like falls in and out of consciousness

She's still tied up I wish I could hear you, but my... I cannot share my powers. And... I literally can't. It's not like she doesn't want to. She can't. Can you just cut me down with your big sword or something?

Maybe just undo the ropes. Oh, yes, I can do that. I wish I could help. Unfortunately, your hands are tied. Oh, man. You know what? Bottle cap! Bottle cap!

Bottle cap! Wow, that was good, Skid. That was good. That was good. This one has my blood on it because I just cut it. Yeah, why don't you just give him that aluminum blade you fashioned. That'll keep you safe. Wow, first cap of the year, baby. First cap of 2022, dude.

I'd love to help you, but your hands are tied. God, that's so good! I cut her free. But I can't heal her, was my point. Well, yeah, and Bunglebeel will say, Wait, what's he doing? Go into his little cape coat thing, and he pulls out a wand.

And he's like, could you use this easily? It's a wand of cure light wounds. Yes, let me look up the skills for use magic device. Meanwhile, she's still tied to the men here. I cut her free.

Hold on, let me just look up how to do this. Can you use wands? Can you use wands? Can I use wands? It's good? Yeah. Maybe she can use wands. Yeah.

Yeah, why don't you ask the woman in the room? Oh, well, you're also a woman. Am I cut down yet? Winner is like wasted. No, she said... Wait, you're also a woman. All right. I'm fine.

We were partying like crazy down here. No. She says, save your wands. Save your wands. I'm okay. I'm okay. Just could use some water or... I just need to sit down for a second.

And she sits down and she heals herself. She lays hands. Can I say that she cures wounds on herself or something? She's a priestess of Verazim. Nice. See ya, Grant!

This is gonna be great. A cleric! Walter, yes, we can give you water and I forcibly administer a canteen of water to Winterclox. She starts drowning. Sir Julie wishes she had the skills and abilities to help people, so when she's given the chance to assist, she maybe overdoes it a bit. She's such a mess.

That's enough. Thank you. Please stop giving me water Thank you You Sir Julie Aldo what What

Are you doing here You should not Be here You look Also like shit What the fuck Happened to you? Well.

And then we proceeded to tell her the whole story. From the last time we saw her. We don't want to waste her time. And she says, Wow, back in Threshmore, all the way back in the chapel, I remember I was there too. It's the chapel. I remember. I was there, too.

It's the montage. And you were there. You were there. And you. Yeah, she says, oh, fuck. She was not this foul-mouthed before. A lot of shit has happened in the interim. She says, oh, frick.

Oh, beans. Dang it. That's not good. The things you're telling me. Can you stand? Do you have... Can you fight? Of course I can fight, and I'm going to fight.

Have you seen... Omari, have you seen... Where's everyone else? I was with... I... Don't... Have you encountered the others? Well, yes. In a manner of speaking. They're, capital D, dead.

Dead, yes. Yes. Not to put too fine a point on it. Yes, we don't, yeah. Omari, who are the others? I, well, I was taken. I don't know. Omari was with me at one point,

but they separated us and they tortured us. And I just thought they were going to kill me. I was waiting to die. But my faith was the only thing I held on to. Well, I'm happy that... Well, I'm slightly happy that you're here. A moderate-happy. A backhanded John right there. Clearly you've survived, that's a A good sign

Who are you? The little one I am Bungleby Luna And I'm curious Why are you laughing? I'm sorry This is a very serious situation It's been So sorrowful and terrible.

You're still smiling while you're saying that. She wipes blood from her forehead. Your name, sir, just gives me a tickle. Maybe I don't know. I have a question for you. Okay. Bunglebee? Starting to feel that this is crossing over into player mocking.

And I don't like it. Crossing over. Yes, what did you say? Bunglebee O'Brien? Yes, go ahead. I have a question for you, not to be rude, but why didn't they kill you? What did you tell them? did you tell them? What do you mean, what did I tell them? I...

I have nothing to tell outside the fact that I was working with Omari, but they knew that. They found us together. I mean, this was a planned kidnapping, I would call it. What do you mean, what did I tell them?

Why are you here? What is this pillar? It radiates a yellow light. Ah, yes, we can help with that. Aldo. Oh, this is a, uh, a, uh, black pillar that radiates

yellow light. What? Aldo is quite addled. His dexterity ran deep. This is possibly the third star stealer, or possibly

stelae, or possibly stelae. Yes. That we've heard about is foretold to be found on the grounds of Iris Hill. Yes, tis also that. Is it dangerous? Well, what is it? It looks, doesn't it look a bit dangerous?

It does, and I want to leave the room. He's looking around at all the blood all over the floor. Well, if there's nothing here, then let's go. Well, there is a strange marking on the floor. It says G10. Yeah, what? G10! It says...

What could this be? Is this the site for some international economic summit down here in the... Like, why... Why... The marking speaks.

Hello, my friend. Bungabee jumps back from the sigil. It is good that you have made it thus far in your journey. I cannot pronounce my name to you, for there is no equivalent in your language. So you shall refer to me only as G-10. Who are you? I come from another world.

I am but a watcher I record what happens in other universes And bring it back to mine So that one day we will publish a novel About what happens in other worlds That sounds like a quite lonely existence Are you lonely, G-10? Do you seek companionship? We only ask

Because upstairs there is a very lonely rug A rug, you say? My kind does not know the emotion of loneliness. But I will admit, I do enjoy the sound of a flute from time to time. I mean, what are the odds that this rug you speak of is also a flautist? It's incredible. It is fate, Sir Julie. It is. The gods speak to us in strange and mysterious ways.

We are but mortals. I did not know that the rock talked. I just want to point that out. It did not talk when I was tied to it. You were not ready, priestess! I do not want to talk to the rock. I have no interest in this rock. I've been down here far too long.

But it may have precious knowledge to impart. It transcends worlds and realities. Surely it has some tidbits it might be able to help us. Rock, speak your piece. No. No, I can tell that none of you are worthy of my knowledge. I kick the rock. Ow.

And the rock says, ooh, and it's also into it. Kick me. I can see that your world is not worth cataloging. So I shall go back to my home realm. And never again shall we come to Galarian. No. No, G-10, please. Don't leave us.

Don't leave us alone here. We are in our most dire hour. Let us prove our world worthy for your attention. Watch just an hour longer. Anything you ask. Anything. We'll do it. No!

And he leaves. We tried. We definitely did. Well done, LaValley. We tried. LaValley bottle cap. G10. We tried to engage G10.

It didn't work. Never forget G10. Never forget. We could probably sell those T. It didn't work. Never forget G10. Never forget. We could probably sell those T-shirts. We could. What the hell does that mean? Never forget G10. As G10 scrambles away back to his home world,

you hear this piping, like shrill piping and organ sounds, perhaps, coming from the darkness to the south. Aldo guzzles a mutagen. guzzles a mutagen. And again, his arms, there's like a cracking sound as his bones lengthen, and he gets a little bit of his dexterity back. And then he pops another bottle off of his bandolier and guzzles that too,

casting Cat's Grace on himself. Wow. He's going to need it. Chug, chug. Sir Julie will cast a spell. On herself? Yes. Shocker. Sir Julie

glows with the holy light of the dawn flower. Does winter do anything? Yes. I'm gonna cast bless and give everybody a plus one morale boost. Nice. Isn't it nice to have a cleric?

It's so nice. A little Bless, add that to your hero, John. That is minutes per level. So you just feel imbued with the power of Verasma. What is down this hallway? He's pointing into complete darkness. Did you see? No, I don't.

I don't know. They kept us blindfolded and... They just wanted our... Our blood? Your blood? A sacrifice? Yes. For the Stele.

For the Stele. For the stele. The portal may be open. We must proceed. Well, let us go quickly, then. I feel invigorated by the blessings of this cleric. What is your name again? Winter. And...

Bungleby. Despite your name, I will protect you. And then she laughs under her breath. She pats you on the head. She's so tall. Don't do that. Phrasma commands we protect all creatures, great and small. May Phrasma watch over all of us.

She pats you all on the head. Bungleby eyes her coin purse. And makes a mental note and then moves south down the hole. As you move south, suddenly that darkness begins to dissipate. But as it

dissipates, you see the light is sort of clouded by a yellow mist. Oh. Surrounding this massive motherfucking chamber to the south. I'm going to reveal it.

And then I'm going to explain it. Okay. Oh, no! No, no, no! Oh, no. This large chamber resembles the courtyard of an ancient subterranean palace.

There are columns all throughout the room supporting a 30-foot-high cloister dome. In the middle of the floor, stretching throughout the entire space, is a tile mosaic of the yellow sign. is a tile mosaic of the yellow sign. And lifting off of the ground, as if coming from the sign itself, is this yellow vapor that just fills the room with the odor of chrysanthemums. That's a nice touch, Ken. Give it up for Ken on the lighting.

That vapor rises all the way to the top of the concave dome of this vault. and as you look around on the walls, there are images of minarets, towers, spires of a mysterious city silhouetted against a yellow sky. It's fucking Carcosa, dude. Yeah, and as you look at it, it seems to like, the images seems to, like, softly sway and move with the alteration of light and darkness in the room. And you hear this music, this piping, this string orchestra that is very dissonant, like a Stanley Kubrick type sound.

dissonant, like a Stanley Kubrick type sound. At the far end of the chamber, a marble throne sits within a semicircular apse. A floor-to-ceiling band of gilded mosaics

decorate the walls, depicting a fantastic urban landscape populated by figures in flowing robes and full face masks. And it's as if they're all

watching the room. Wow. For a moment, Aldo, this seems strangely familiar to you. It seems like the dream you had when you woke up in the dungeon of the Asylum. The city where the skyscrapers go up and seem to bend at odd angles. Sir Julie, you yourself, even though you were cloistered away, you were suffering nightmares.

You saw this city as well. The Tatterman. Tatterman. He visited us in this city. In the back of this room, there is, oh my God, there is this horrifying- winged creature and this creature is just gnawing on the arm of a woman who is dressed in this ceremonial garb with this elaborate headdress and it

you watch this it looks like she's feeding this creature her blood. And the creature looks like a combination of a carrion bird, an ant, a bat, and a decomposing human. That's a lot of things. And she's just feeding this thing, and it's just slurping. In fact, I'll take it a step further. I will show you what this scene looks like. Get ready. Prepare yourselves.

Did it come up? No. I'm kind of glad it didn't. Too bad. Let's see if I can do this. Show to everybody. Too bad. Let's see if I can do this. Show to everybody.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Mary said you've gone too far. It's biting you. She's just feeding it her blood. Did you know it's biting you? As she sees you start to come towards the entrance into this room,

she slowly pulls her arm away from the creature and shouts across the room at you at the top of her lungs. And she's just like holding her arm and wiping the blood from it wiping it on her robes and she says if you think your condition means you're important

you are wrong you are nothing you are an ember floating from some putrid bonfire that will also wink out in the cold death of the universe. unspeakable one, even if he has mocked each and every one of you,

I, Melisen, am the one who shall open this world to him, not lulz, and not you! You will not take my place! You will die!

For the king in yellow is coming! Roll for initiative. Oh my goodness! This is it! This is it! They're seeing the final fight! Milwaukee, are you ready?

Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. God damn it. Aldo, what did you roll? 14 for Aldo Kisamia. 14 for Kazimir. 12 for Winter. I didn't ask you.

I thought we were going to a line! Sorry, she's new here. She's new. She doesn't realize you speak when spoken to. It's okay, Sydney. We've all been beaten into submission. Can I re-roll? Quick note to myself.

I'll just re-roll. I'll just re-roll. I'll just re-roll while you're doing that, because mine wasn't actually... What did you say, Sydney? What? What did you say? Who?

What'd you roll? A? What did you say? Who? What'd you roll? A four? Twelve. Twelve. I call that a Milwaukee four. Sir Julian Bruce. Eighteen. Eighteen.

Bungleby Luna. Bungleby got a natural three for a ten. That's alright. I'm going to turn it around on the attack rolls. Definitely. So what was your totes? Totes was ten. Totes was ten.

Great for a rogue. Great. Wow. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. a minute he's back what does that mean he's always watching we have a chance to prove ourselves

after all my brethren wait is G10 there I lost it but it is there oh it's stupid computer

damn it is he still Oh, it's a stupid computer. Damn it, is he still there? Damn it. He says, all right! I'll watch this battle and make my final decision, depending on the outcome. Prove that you are worthy, and I will tell your story in the annals of history in my world. G10 claps with a flourish.

Let the battle commence! Let the battle commence! We shall endeavor to please you, O Lord G10! Perhaps if this G10 likes us, we could get more money. That is so stupid what we do.

It's just like, to lift the veil a little, it's just constantly to beat down the tiny mistakes that GM makes in their unbelievable amount of work to get ready for the session. If they make a small mistake, you have to hammer it over and over.

Make sure they know. That's right. This is good gaming advice for all you people out there. Right. If you learn nothing from this, it's always make people feel bad that you like. That's right. Like, huh? She

Millie Sen, I should say. Let's say she's played by Lupita Nyong'o. Good get. Yeah, I made some phone calls last night. Got loops on the horn. You're looking at me over your reading glasses that are down on your nose,

like the oldest man I've ever played Pathfinder with. What is this, Thaco? She starts to fucking lift into the air and then she just reaches out a hand towards Bungleby give me a fucking will save

oh no and an early exit for Joe this evening oh no Joe I believe in you come on and an early exit for Joe this evening. Oh, no. Joe, I believe in you. Come on. Come on! Come on, Joe!

Cheesehead Joe! Cheesehead Joe! You turn... Cheesehead Joe! Cheesehead Joe! Chicken and cheesehead! You turn to look at G10, and he's like... G10 is watching's like G10

is watching. This is the die. I roll it very rarely but this is the die that I rolled a natural 5 on when I attacked Kargik with Lork and I fell. Oh, wow. Question. It's time to turn it around in Milwaukee. Why are you rolling it?

Because it's time to turn it around in Milwaukee. Let's go, Bugglebee! Come on! Natural 20! Oh, my God! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Oh, it's so beautiful. I haven't seen a natural 20 on this die since 2017. Wow. 17.

Wow. Milwaukee, you saved it. You brought the die back. Unfortunately, that's a fail. No. I mean, what a time to roll a natural 20. And you burned her turn. However, she has floated all the way up to the ceiling, and she is just

like a fucking Marvel superhero, just floating there, raining down spells. And now, it is Sir Julie Andrews' turn. Quick strategy session. Anyone have any ability to get us up in the air?

Me, perhaps. And he's going into his session. Anyone have any ability to get us up in the air? Maybe. Perhaps. And he's going into his vest, but it's a long shot, buddy. Sir Julia's going to spend a standard action to activate the Divine Bond with her weapon. Talk to me about that.

So I get to add basically a plus one weapon bonus. So I will keen my greatsword. Oh, yes. There you go. And then I will activate my smite evil. You will activate your smite evil. Then what?

And I'll stay where I am. Okay. How brave. G10 pulls out a notepad. Troy is doing a very judgy writing on a notebook. Yes. Cowardly paladin. He mutters under his breath.

It is the bird, decomposed human, gross, disgusting creature's turn. Let me do a little zoom in on this guy. He looks fun, huh? Oh, no. He's available for children's parties. He looks fun, huh? Oh, no. He's available for children's parties. He is going to come get funky.

You guys rolled really poorly. Let's see what his speed is here. Obviously, he has wings, so he can fly like an eagle. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35. He actually is going to move and then hold his action right there. Yeah, I bet he is. Yeah, he is. I bet he is.

Well, then you would be right. I would be. You win this round, Captain Cousin. It is Aldo's turn. All right. Aldo, fumbling again, but with a little bit quicker now that he's been enhanced. He goes into his bandolier.

He pulls out a little bottle. And he says, fire in the hole! And tosses it at the creature, much as I am now, looking for something to toss. Come on, get it, Skid, get some distance! Just medication. Oh, that poor woman.

Hit him right in the face. She's on the floor, Skid. There's a doctor in the face. She's on the floor, Skid. Doctor. Is there a doctor in the crowd? Is there a doctor? That is a 22 against Touch AC. Yep. Okay.

Yeah, dude. I'm assuming you hit this guy, right? Yes, the flying creature. Birdman? Okay. Yep. And as I was spring cleaning, I found my gold-plated Roman replica dice. Yeah!

Hey! So remember those? That is 15 points of fire damage. Kaboom! Wow! And the creature is now on fire. Wow. The creature's on fire fire. Wow. The creature's

on fire! Alright. Was not expecting that. Good for you. Good for you! Good for you! You hit me with a bomb and now

I took 15 points of damage! It is Winter Klax's turn. Cindy Emanuel. I just want you to know. Yeah? We're all counting on you. Okay. All right.

I'm going to not move. This is not a good situation. And I'm going to cast Guidance on... Where should I cast it on? I'll cast on Sir Julie. So you get a plus one to... In addition to your other plus one on a saving throw, attack roll,

and something else, I think, but you have to choose. So you touch Sir Julie with your Blessed Hand of Verazima and give her some Divine Guidance, which will give her a plus one comp bone on a single attack roll saving throw or skill check. You must choose to use the bonus before making the roll.

And she says, good luck out there. I'm gonna be behind you. Far, far behind you. G10 also takes note. It is Bungleby Luna's turn. You're the best. It's always so bad. How high is the corridor?

The ceiling of the vaulted chamber is 30 feet. The ceiling in the corridor, which was your question, is a different amount of feet. Okay. Does that answer your question? Ten feet. He is, Bungleby's going to say, I think this is for the best. I'll be back. And he pulls out a potion and drinks

a potion of invisibility. Oh. Oh, okay. And vanishes. Okay, a little potion of invis. Let's go to round two. It is Mellicen's turn. The ugly bird creature just stands there hovering.

Just got lit up by Aldo, but it is not coming in to attack. What is its deal? Is it just drawing fire? It seemed to get hurt, though, right? It did seem to get hurt. It does not want to pass through the bait bag. It cannot pass the yellow sign. Maybe it can.

It also would be at an extreme disadvantage in a place with ten foot high ceilings. And we are all not in any yellow mist right now. But if we go into that room, we'll be in the yellow mist. Yeah, sure. I mean, the yellow mist seems to emanate from the sign and kind of goes up in columns around the sign itself. So, yes, it fills the room, but it's really localized by the...

Is it flavor mist? It's a flavor mist, yeah. Flav mist. A little flav mist. It's a flavor mist, yeah. Flavor mist. A little flavor mist. Mellie Sen is going to fly right up to behind her little friend here.

She's going to reach out and try and cast a spell on Sir Julie. Sir Julie knows no fear. It is not fear. Are you, you're just immune to fear, right? You're not immune to compulsion and championship. No, no, no, no. Then give me a will save and so help you. God, if you fail.

Hey, would you like a bottle cap? Yeah! It's a good time for it. Can you fire at him and have him catch it in a real flourish? Is it? There we go. Got it. Nailed it. I lost it in the lights.

Wow. I'm sorry that ball cap no longer counts. Oh, no. All right, so I'm going to roll twice and take the... Roll twice and take the lower. Yeah, that's what's going to happen. I'm glad I had the Bob cap because I rolled a natural 5. And then a real tweener for a natural 11.

For a 17. I think he got you, Bob. I think he got me. No! No, it's over! With the plus one? It's over. 18 for the guidance. Fuck!

Yes! Cleric! Let's fucking go! Cleric forever! Sydney! Suck forever! Sydney! Suck it, Troy! Sydney, you can play with us anytime you want. Seriously, Grant, who?

Actually, you're supposed to call that guidance before the roll. I'll allow it. Damn it! As Matthew would say, I think that's a hand off the chess piece situation. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Oh, yes, Sin. Nice.

Well, that's her turn. Sons of bitches. Amazing. And now it is Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, you had this feeling of sadness that was gripping you for all but a moment, and then you just withstood it with the Dawnflower's power behind you. What do you do now?

How far up in the air are they right now? 30 feet. They're 30 feet up in the air? Uh-huh. Can't be. Why? Because if the hallway is not 30 feet up in the air? Uh-huh. Can't be. Why? Because if the hallway is not 30 feet high, they can't be 30 feet high and have line of sight on us.

Look it up. They're 17 feet high. Check the math on that for me No I've done all I can You're on your own now 17 feet up I mean I'm hearing that electric guitar

And I want you to fuck these guys up so bad I can't get to them It's okay None of us can tar and I want you to fuck these guys up so bad. I can't get to them. Okay. It's okay. None of us can. None of us can. So, Sir Julie is going to hold. She'll delay.

You're a real showman. My creature will delay as well. What? Something's up with this thing. Yeah. It's Aldo's turn. Maybe don't even attack it.

I don't know. Shut up! Maybe don't even attack it. He says in character. Okay. Now, it was his turn, even though I delayed, so am I supposed to roll or just take fire damage? Yeah.

Two points of fire damage. From the burning. I hate this. Aldo. Strike true, Aldo. Even with his immense intellect enhanced as it is by his magical headband, he is unable to pass. What is happening here exactly? So, failing all other options,

he pulls out the bomb of his belt and throws it! Woo! At her or the creature? At her! At her! Nice! Nice! Just hit a newborn.

With a bag of Skittles. Taste the rainbow, kid. Oh, yes. Okay. So, that is a 15 against Touch AC. That's a hit. Yeah! Oh, oh, oh!

Give me a 20% miss chance. Oh! Interesting. Oh, actually, I've got. Give me a 20% miss chance. Oh. Ooh. Interesting. Ooh, actually, I've got this other thing that I did. Give me that first. 47. Well, aren't you great?

Yes, I think Skid is great. Agreed. What is your alignment? Neutral. All right, you hit her. Oh, great. Awesome. Nice.

Oh, balls. So that is, oh, wow. That is 18 points of damage. Fuck. Phenomenal. She is also on fire. And I need a reflex save from the creature as well. All right.

Oh, for the, yeah. 20. Okay. So he will take four points, four more points of fire damage. Well, this sucks. Don't cheer for that. It's Winter's turn. All right.

We're kind of at like a standstill, but I'm going to draw my dagger in preparation, and I'm going to cast Guidance again on Sir Julie, since she is the closest to this creature. Interesting. This is a real slow play on our part. Yeah. We're doing a long con. We're trying to draw him out. Yeah. I don't know what the deal is.

I'm too nervous to do anything else. Yeah, and I don't like this creature. Something's fishy. I'm also not buying Lavallee. It's like, oh, I'm so angry about this damage I'm taking He's full of shit Something's going on here Troy, tell the truth

Was that 20% or the 50% mischance because of the mist? The 20% mischance had to do with something that she has cast on her So not the mist No, we can't see Okay It's not like a blur effect She we can't see. Yeah. Okay. It's not like a blur effect. She's got her own situation. Yeah, I know.

It's not a blur. There's just some sort of magical force that's given her a little extra juice. What we in Philadelphia would call a John. Right.

She's got a John that's giving her a 20%. She's got a magical John that gives her a 20% mist John. That's all you had to say. Here's what's going to happen. This awful creature is going to fly directly up to Bungleby.

All right. There we go. Who's invisible? Oh, yeah. Yes, he is. He sure is. So he's going to fly up to Sir Julie, who's unhittable. And he's going to fucking miss.

All right, so he's going to try and take a bite out of you. Oh, man. I think he should... Should he take more burn damage? Because he delayed before, but now... Did I take the burn? I didn't take it yet. You did take two now, but...

That was from the splash, or I already took it? No, that was from when I hit you initially and set you on fire. But I don't know because... I take it once per round. Have I taken it this round yet? I think so. Is this a new round? This is a new round, yeah. Yeah, you haven't taken it. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you've only taken one

burn. Alright, give me your burn. Stop rubbing it in! Two more points of fire burn damage. Fire damage. Fire burn damage. Fire burning fire damage. The worst kind. Nobody likes of fire burn damage. Fire damage. Fire burn damage. Fire burning fire damage. The worst kind. Nobody likes a fire burn. Nothing's worse than a fire burn.

G10 is like a fire burn. I have not yet seen that on this world. I kick G10 down the stairs. He's right at the edge. I kick him down. What a strange world you inhabit. The creature goes to bite Sir Julie. Damn it all.

I have to roll so high to hit you. You're such a piece of shit, Blair. Oh, fuck. I hate this game. Come on! Natural two. Yeah! So Julie lives!

To fight. You're not totally screwed. All right, so that creature moved in the initial order to just stand there and die right behind Aldo. Excuse me, that'd be behind Winter, because Winter went. And now your stupid character can go. What do you do? Stealthily, in his invisible...

Actually, Sir Julie will act. Oh, yeah. If I might. Full attack action on the bird. Yes. Bird dude. Okay. Furious focus power attack.

First attack. That's going to be a 24 to hit. That's a hit. Yes, Sir Julie! That will be 20... 21 points of damage. How many? 21.

Okay. All right. Second attack. Don't buy it, Milwaukee. He's a master showman. All right. I rolled a number on my die, but I'm going to

activate the spell I cast on myself, which is Fallback Strategy, which allows me to re-roll one attack, roll a combat maneuver check, or a skill check before the result of the roll or check is known. So I haven't shared. I know it, but I have to roll it first. But I must take the second

result. Rules is written. I must take the second result. Don't you roll a natural one. I'll punch you in the face. I hope it's a natural one. All right. Well, it's better. But it's probably not going to hit. 13.

That's a miss. Are you done with your charade? Did you say charade? No. He's playing the game to the best of his ability. I will take a five-foot step. Ah, what a hero. Ooh.

And open up the way to Winter's demise. Clear a path towards Winter. G10 takes note. The all-seeing G10. The all-seeing G10. And now it is Bunglebee Luna, the Invisible's turn. What are you going to do against this

horrific, horrific creature? Knowing there's also a flying spellcaster in the room ahead. Yeah, terrible. Bunglebee is... He's just thinking about the long con. He's just thinking about the long con.

He's a burglar, after all. The long fight. And he's thinking about this flying sorcerer in the other room. He fumbles into his vest invisibly, as quietly as possible, for a wand. He pulls it out, and no one sees this. But he reaches to touch Sir Julie's outer thigh. Ooh.

Okay. Very respectful. Odd choice. Not knowing as a character yet that Sir Julie is so fucking into that. But I have to roll a UMD to do this. So new hot die. Here it goes.

It's a tough one. I got to roll pretty high. Don't you look, Cabo de Caza. Fail. So he reaches out and he can't trigger the wand. And that's his turn. Shit. Too bad.

Too bad. Too bad. Mellyson floats towards you right up to the edge. Oh, God. Actually, I don't even have to go that far. Actually, I'll just fucking float like five feet.

Move. And she will channel negative energy. Oh, shit. Oh. Everyone, give me a will save. Okay. So healthy. Fail.

What did you roll, Skid? 19. Good for you. Sydney? 24. 24. You know, if you and Skid were a Hollywood It couple, you'd be Skidney. Or also Sid.

Right. Right. Right. I like that better. What did you roll, Joseph? 17. And what about you, Harry? You have the plus one. You have the guidance.

I know, but even with the plus one, it's a 10. Oh, no. So I'm not using the guidance. I had goodwill, so I didn't declare plus one, it's a ten. Oh, no. So I'm not using the guidance. I had goodwill, so I didn't declare it. So it's a nine. So, Julie, you take 20 points of damage. Oh! And you three take 10 points of damage.

Oh, man. She takes six points of fire damage from the burning, though. Oh, nice! Rude. And this creature, it! Rude. And this creature, it is undead, we can presume, because it's not affected at all by the channel of negative energy.

Why don't you worry about your fucking character and let me handle it? Just reminding you of the most basic rules of the game. Why don't you worry about what goes on behind this screen. It's the reason why channel negative energy sucks. It's because it kills your allies, too. It's the reason why you suck.

Perception check to see if the creature takes any damage. What? Perception check to see if the GM doesn't know the rule. Okay. Natural 20, I'm kidding. Natural 4. Natural 10. Inconclusive. I have no idea whose turn it is.

Or what game we're playing. That was such a common occurrence in our Jade Regent game. It would just get to a point later and I would be like, whose turn is it? Because between two turns, we'd go off on nonsense for 15 minutes. Yeah, just completely forget.

All right, it is Aldo's turn. Aldo, you have been quite effective in spite of your negative levels and your dexterity. Yeah, not too bad. You sure those negative levels are on your character sheet? They are. You cheating son of a... Head-bearing...

Uh-oh. The cover for Joe as he runs out to turn the lights off on his Kia. That's what he whispered to me. Sir, did you leave your lights on? What do you want to do, buddy? I'm going to do a knowledge check on the creature

what would apply out of arcana history nature or planes if any I think I think it's an aberration an aberration.

An aberration is... That's Dungeoneering, I think. Is aberration Dungeoneering? Yep, it is. I see it right here. So, unfortunately, I can't help you. I think Luna over here has Dungeoneering. But that's not going to help you.

Can I do a check on Melly Sen's current wardrobe to see if there's any hints that we can gain from the culture or whatever? Anything that I can gain knowledge-wise from what she's wearing and her current comportment? Yeah, go ahead and just give me a straight-up perception check. Okay. Or knowledge local, whatever you prefer.

Perception, I got a 24. All right, so she seems to be of a Kalashite background. Ah, okay. If that interests you. You see that she has on a magical circlet around her head that sort of looks like the one that you yourself are wearing. So you know she is as inspired as you are in either wisdom, intelligence, or charisma.

Thanks for joining us, Joe. Thought he'd never know. From his GM chair, Troy LaVallee, seize all time. thought he'd never know from his gm chair troiler valley sees all g10 told me um yeah i mean you don't really get any other

sense from her you see her casting cleric-like spells. She's obviously a worshipper of Hastur, but yeah, there's nothing else you can garner from this that's going to really help you. Okay. So Aldo is

instead, he's going to step right adjacent to this creature. And he is going to step right adjacent to this creature. And he is going to administer an extract of bull strength to Sir Julid. Okay. Okay. Which will provoke. Well, I don't know.

Because the way I've been kind of playing it flavor-wise is that Aldo will come up and shove the potion down the recipient's throat, which is not actually how it works in the rules. I take the extract, and then it empowers me with the magic, which I can then distribute. Which specifically doesn't provoke, right? So you could have taken that before you stepped up to the creature. Right. And then you're just touching Sir Julian. Yeah.

Okay. So it doesn't provoke, but you beast form her. Does she grow in size? Uh, she just gets stronger. Her muscles ripple. Muscles ripple. So you start, like, hulking out of your armor, just ripping. My, my, the vascularity in my biceps becomes quite impressive.

Yes, you're quite... Here. Take the cream into the clear. You're quite vascular. You're the Ryan Braun of this adventure. The local humor for you steroids fans out there. Everyone who loves steroids. You know who loves steroids was Brian Braun. Yeah. Big fan. That's how he hit all those dingers.

That's right. You want to make money and hit dingers? Yeah. Do steroids. It is winter's turn. Winter, what do you want to do here? I have an idea. Okay. We discourage those here? I have an idea. Okay.

We discourage those here at the Glass Cannon Network. And here it is. I am going to cast... I'm just going to channel. I'm going to channel some positive energy. How about that? Whoa! Okay.

How about them apples? Right back at you. And I'm going to give it to every single person and creature except for Millicent. Do you have selective channeling? You know I do. Oh, well. So instead of 30 feet, I'm selecting my allies and I'm selecting the bird because I'm pretty sure it's undead. Well, you have to choose if you want to hurt or help.

Oh, I can't do both at the same time. Right. But if you choose to not... If you choose to keep the creature and heal it, we would know that Troy was lying about not hurting it with negative energy. Well, that's what I mean, though. I can say I'm healing everybody

and it would be hurting the creature. No, no. Damn it. That's confusing. It is confusing. To my brain. I think we should write a letter. Strongly worded letter. Strongly worded letter.

Paizo is accepting rule changes for 1E at this time. Yes. There's never a better time to try and really nitpick. This is the best time to nitpick the rules. Wait, so Joe, you're thinking I should heal the creature and see? I'm mainly just making a joke. Do whatever you want. I'll hold off

on my little plan. I'll just channel and heal my allies. How many D6 do you roll to heal? Three. Okay. Then give me those three D6 and Aldo, Bungleby, and Sir Julie will get some HP back. Nine.

Okay, that's almost all the damage I took. Nice work. Counteracting it with the power of good. The power of good. Love it. The power of life. All right. All right, the creature next to Sir Julie will now act and do, for the first time in this combat, a full attack.

And also take some burn damage. And also take some burn damage. How much burn damage do I take? Full. Can I stop this fire, or do I have to use a standard action? It takes a full round action to put it out and it's a reflex save to see if you're successful in putting it out. I hate every single rule

that doesn't suit my purposes. Said every GM ever. Yeah. Alright, you dummies. I am going to, you know what, I'm going to bite you, Skid. For being so rude to my

monsters. First, I'm going to bite you. This thing's in bad shape. You have supremely fucked it up, even with your fumbling dexterity. So it goes to bite you. That is going to be a 21. That is a miss.

Whoa! Dude! What, did you take a shield or something? I don't have shield. Oh, no. Oh, actually, you know what? That hits. Yeah. I had shield on, but I didn't cast it today, so yeah.

That hits. A couple of things are going to happen. First thing that happens is you take eight points of damage and then it goes to grab you. Oh no! And it grabs, or attempts to grab you with a

24 against your CMD. That is a successful grab. And as it grabs you, this is the part you're not going to like. This is the part we're not going to like? Yeah. I don't like any of this. I don't like any of this.

You take two points of con drain. Oh, my God. Oh, come on with the drain. As it just starts sucking your blood. Not unlike what it was doing to Melisande. Fueling its bloodlust, it continues to attack you at a penalty because you are grappled. Here we go with the claw against Aldo. 27 to hit with the claw.

Four. Nine points of damage. So 27 to hit with the claw. Four. Nine points of damage. And then the final claw. This is going to be close because I got a penalty. 19. That gets your grappled AC. Yeah, that will hit with the, yeah.

And that's going to be another seven points of damage. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Just checking in. It grappled him with what? Its mouth. And then just... So it's holding him in a grapple with its mouth. Yeah. So it takes a penalty on those claw attacks.

But it's not holding him with a claw. No, it's holding with the bite. Drinking his blood, lowering his con, lowering his HP threshold, which has already been lowered by the negative energy. And oddly enough, it's been exactly 24 hours since you took that drain. Time to roll a save. Time to roll a save. No, but you're in bad shape after this. I'm in very bad shape.

Three attacks, yeah. So, yeah, that's what happened. And you do see as it drinks. Hey, secrets don't make friends. Secrets don't make friends. You see that as it drinks Aldo's blood, it just, like, starts getting this fucking look like it just wants to fucking kill Aldo. Maybe it gets some sort of mechanical bonus against Aldo. Oh, no.

A murderous blood rage. You don't know. But that's what it certainly looks like. It's Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, you gargantuan turd. What do you do? Sir Julie will take a five-foot step to flank against the creature.

Nice. There you go. At that moment, because Bungleby failed his perception check on traps, you set off a trap. Are you serious? Are we having fun yet? Greatest day of a GM's life. Give me a reflex.

Save Sir Julie. This is almost certainly a fail. You got this. You will natural 20 in Milwaukee. I say natural one. Natural. One, one, one. Fuck.

I split the difference with a natural 10. 11. Let me just gather together a few D8s. Oh. As a glyph of warding explodes. Oh, no. You take 17 points of damage. Oh.

Okay. Splat! Boom! So slight amending the the plan ever so slightly. Sure. I'll swift action lay on hands. Swifty as you five foot stab. Okay.

Not the best roll. Okay, and then I will do a full attack action on the bird. Okay, and you can swift action and five foot step, right? Yeah. Okay, because you gave a look like, can he do that? No, my look was, I thought you said a five foot stab. It's like, you give me the old five foot stab? The old paladin five foot stab.

All right, first attack, not using the guidance. 26 to hit. That is a hit, your honor. Power attack, furious focus, etc., etc. That will be 25 points of damage. Oh, yes! Yes, Matthew! This creature, this creature that is from a world that is not Galarian.

How it got here, you know not. G10 brought it here. G10, perhaps. Maybe it was all a test by G10. This whole AP is a test from G10. The creature dies. Yes! Sir Julia!

Sir Julia! Sir Julia the Bold. Unhand my bomb guy. Unhand my bomb guy. He's my bomb guy. G10 is quite impressed. And Sir Julia will just turn and look at Mellie Senn and level her greatsword and says, Come dance. It's go time.

Quotes the kinks. I noticed we're a little past 10. Should we just end the show? Wait, no, we can't. Can we go long? Should we? All right, we're going long. We're going long. We're going long. We're going live!

We're going live! So good you're live, cause we're going live! That's a new one! We're going live! We're going live! So good you're live, cause we're going live! We have a song for everything. And you guys sounded amazing.

That was great. That was a good rendition. That was the best sing was a good rendition. That was the best sing-along. Yes. I think I heard a touch of an improvised harmony. I think I heard a few harmonies. Is there Nick Lowe out there?

I can't see too good. Is that Nick Lowe? Is that Sinead O'Connor out there? All right. It is. He's such an old man. Yeah, really? Sinead O'Connor. Is that Alanis Morissette in the front row?

Sidney, have you ever heard the name Sinead O'Connor? Come on! Do you know Sinead O'Connor? I'm not that young. I know who Sinead O'Connor is. Although, no, I'm just kidding. What variety show is she banned from? Oh, good question.

Variety show? I know what I said. Perhaps that expression. Is she? That expression helps. Credulousness at the term variety show. Is she, like, banned from Lilith Fair or something? Did she, like, mess up?

I guess you don't know Sinead O'Connor. She's banned from a television program. Yes. Like the Barbara Madrell Hour. You might be familiar with that. You remember the Barbara Madrell Hour. I'm just trying to, like, say something silly. Do you know the answer?

It's a TV show? Yeah. I was going to say Howard Stern, because I feel like they would not get along. They probably wouldn't. TV show? Just tell me the answer. I'm curious. Saturday Night Live.

No way. Oh, did she like make a speech and then everyone was like, that wasn't cool. She tore up a picture of the sitting pope on live TV. Yep. Angering. That's why she got banned? It was a different time. It was a different time. Now that would just be a skit. It would just be Saturday Night Live

doing a skit. Right. Yeah. I did not know that. You see, Matthew, that's activism. Sydney not knowing that you can't tear a picture of a skit. I don't know where I'm going. I wish I had a picture of Troy right now. I could just stand up, whip it in half. Oh, that's such a, oh, wow.

That's awesome. How? I will ban you from last Saturday Night Live. I'll cry Nick Lowe out to St. Paul like that. Somebody text Troy's wife and have her overnight one of his old headshots. How dare you. Sir Julie, take a minus two to AC. Bunglebee, it's your turn.

The creature from this other world is gone. It is now four against one. Melisen Cororo, Count Hazerton Lowell's assistant, who clearly, from her speech to you, is flying solo. She said, not Lowell's and not you. I am the one that's going to shake Haster's hand when he walks through the gate. I had a feeling she was taking matters into her own hands. Was not doing the work of the count, but was doing her own thing.

Well, you're a very smart, insightful player. You hear that dripping sarcasm? Bungleby! God! I continue to amaze myself at how ineffective i am as a character are you still invisible in every situation yes invisible but with this creature dead the caster some 30 feet away and up 17 feet in the air uh he's got his two daggers just like what what to What to do? So I am going to... You're going to hate this. I'm going to sheathe my daggers

and pull out a crossbow. Oh! Okay. All invisible. Nobody's seeing this yet, but that's his round. Yeah. Because this is Pathfinder First Edition.

Don't blame the game for your poor play. No, I'm just blaming the game for the bad show. We're saying the same thing. It is the top of a new round, and it is Mellie Sen's turn, and she is upset, because her best friend in the whole world is now dead. She should also be upset at the additional three points of burn damage she just took.

All right. Yes, kid! That's what I'd be mad about if I were in her flying shoes. Okay. Somebody's going to get it right now. Oh, I want to go after you, Sir Julie, you piece of shit. Sir Julie is a paragon of virtue and goodness. You know, I'm going to do it.

Oh, no. She floats a little bit, so she doesn't have to. She's flying, blah, blah, blah. And she just... Night. Cast a spell, give me a fortitude save. And she just... Knight. Cast a spell. Give me a fortitude save. Oh, no.

Wait. She is a knight. I'm worried it's like... Natural 20. Oh, right! Yeah, LaValley! There it was. All right! Get in the valley! There it was.

Critical crack, critical crack, critical, critical, critical crack. Sir Julie is not to be fucked with. I can't fuck with Sir Julie. This is every GM's nightmare. You got your, like, a cool ass monster, and you're just chaining 20s. All right.

It's my first 20. It's my first 20. It's my first 20. Nothing more appropriate could have just happened. Joe banged on the table and rolled my natural 20 to a natural 2. He's poisoned. It's that bird poop hand. Aldo, it's your turn, buddy. I know you're still struggling, but you've been red hot.

Yeah, so Aldo, like he, the creature falls off of his back, letting him go, but he's got giant, like, puncture wounds in his neck or whatever. He's just like, oh, he's kind of swaying, and he's just like, oh, I feel a bit crook, mate. And

he's going to sort of stumble next to Sir Julie, pop another bottle off of his bandolier, and throw it at the woman. Yes! Ah! Wilhelm scream.

That is a 19 against Touch AC. Give me a 20% miss chance. Hit it, Skip. You got this. 54. Yeah! Oh my goodness. Can't be stopped. That's a hit.

I can't believe you're hitting. Your character is effectively a second level character right now. I know. Worse. This is pretty great. That is 14 more points of fire damage. Kaboom! Winter Klaxon.

I really want to do an offensive spell, but I feel like it's not... We're not in dire straits yet, though. Matthew's shaking his head. No, I'm saying do it. I know, but you're like, do it. Do something cool. All right.

How awesome are you in Milwaukee? All right. All right. I'm so cool. All right. Oh, she's the cleric. She doesn't do anything cool. Watch this.

She just helps us. Yeah, watch this. Watch this. I'm going to miss. All right. That's a really the cleric. She doesn't do anything cool. Watch this. She just helps us. Yeah, watch this. Watch this. I'm going to miss. All right. That's a really cool thing to say, though, before you do something. You're going to want to move up into the room, too. What are you saying over there, Troy?

What are you telling me to do? You want to get a clear shot. He's telling you to walk on the cliff of warding. You want to get a clear shot. Absolutely not. I step on that dead corpse. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Rude.

Absolutely not. I step on that dead corpse. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. And from behind Sir Julie, I'm going to move in between, window myself between Sir Julie and Aldo. And I'm going to pull out my dagger and pull out my symbol on my chest. I have a necklace on. Right. And a pure white spear of light from my holy symbol

just goes right at Millicent. You notice that standing right behind you is G-10. And he leans forward in an almost uncomfortably way. You feel his lips upon the back of your ear. And he leans forward. In an almost uncomfortably way, you feel his lips upon the back of your ear.

And he says, You got this. His hot G10 breath. His hot G10 breath burning down your neck. Tickling the hairs of your earlobe. From the depths of the G10 dimension. Is this a ranged touch attack? It is, I believe.

This is... Yes. It is? Yes. Is this Spear of John? Yeah. Is it Spear of John? It's Spear, yeah.

Then it's a ranged John. Just go ahead and... Okay, now Sir Julie's in the way, so it's going to increase her touch AC, but you still have a shot here. Or do you? It's a natural 15. Oh, yes!

But, because I'm confused about Hero Lab, I don't know what to add to it. What is your dex situation? My dex is plus 2. And then your BAB is going to be at least plus three. So it's at least a 20. At least a 20. If you see the armory column,

just go down to the bottom, you'll see range touch. The bonus to be there. Real professional show here, folks. Range. This is where you come to learn Pathfinder. So you rolled a natty 15? Yes. That is a hit.

Yes! Oh! Spear of Purity! Spear of Purity! I feel so good to hit as a cleric. All right. That's going to be... Oh, wait.

How many? 1d8 points of damage per two caster levels. So 3d... She's not an outsider, is sheaster levels. So 3d8. She's not an outsider, is she? Oh. Love 3d8. Is she an outsider, Troy?

Has she become an outsider? Yeah. Is she still just a human? You. Millie Senn. I'm talking to you. What? Huh?

What? What's going on? Who's the president? 19 points of damage. Oh, wait. Are you... You're not an evil outsider. Are you an evil creature? 19 points of damage. Oh, wait. Are you... You're not an evil outsider. Are you an evil creature?

I am a human woman. Who doesn't care to be judged. Can we please clip that? I am a human woman. I'm pulling a U-troy. What's your alignment? That's my pickup U-troy. What's your alignment? That's my pickup line at a bar. What's your alignment?

That's good. What's your alignment? Hey, what's your alignment, sailor? You know what, though? Gonna need a 20% miss chance. Oh, shit. Sydney, if you screw this up. Entropic John!

Sydney! You will not be invited back. What? I'm sorry, what? This could be the difference between Aldo living and dying. 70. I'm good. I... Troy gets a will save. Alright. You get a will save.

She says something really, really cool, like I guess the trash has taken out itself. Like something like that. That's badass. Badass and cool. Something like that is fucking badass. You see her look like...

Terribly weird. I can't believe she said that to me. I can't believe she said something like that. Saving throws a will. She's so offended. Oh, she's got a fire in her eyes. She's a cleric.

She's polite. With that diss. That vicious diss. Now she's really mad. And it's Bungle B. Luna's turn. Wait, did you take a will save? He doesn't get it. I was wrong. What's the will save? The will save's only if she's an outsider.

She's not an outsider. Oh, okay. Never mind. She is, to quote Troy, a human woman. I am a human woman. Human woman. What do you do? You're so brave. I am going to look... I mean, Bungleby is a

rather mundane sort of dude. He just sort of climbs into places and steals shit. He's based on me. He's thoroughly uninteresting and has no magical abilities. And he's seeing this creature... And a creature the size of a halfling's penis.

He's seeing this human woman floating, casting these spells, and this other woman that they just pulled off of this monolith, casting the Spear of Purity. I mean, the amount of incredible shit happening around him is astounding. But he's just trying to focus in on what he knows. And he's like, I'm going to snipe this thing right out of the fucking sky.

Yeah. And he loads a bolt into his crossbow silently. He's invisible. He's gotta aim it now past Aldo, who's kind of like in the way, and he's moving quickly, but he's like, wait for it. Wait for it.

And he looks down the line of that bolt right in between the eyes of Melisen. And pulls the trigger. And really needs a good roll here. It is flat-footed. Against flat-footed AC. Give her the boost you need,

but it's against flat-footed AC. One shot. Come on, Bungle B! Come on, Joe! You can do it! Come on! One shot, baby! Fuckstick.

Damn it. It's flat-footed AC? It's flat-footed AC? It's flat-footed AC. It is a 21 to hit. Give me a 20% miss chance. Oh, come on! Come on! Don't look!

Don't look! 94! Yeah! G's and Joe! G's and Joe! G's and Joe! G's and Joe! G's and Joe!

Does that strike true? Between the eyes. Crossbow bolt. Because he's invisible. Sneak attack damage. That's why it matters so much. Describe your kill. Oh! Oh, come on!

It's already been described. I lost my chair. It's already been described. I lost my chair. It's already been described. He looked down the line of that bolt. It's wavering. Aldo's head, there, not there, there, not there. Waiting for the perfect moment. And then just as Aldo dips away,

and she's got this weird, like, pharaoh-ish thing going on. She's wearing all this golden lavish armor and right between her eyes, right in the head, below where her helm sits, right in there between the eyes. She clunk! And this, I mean, it passes from the crossbow into her head in an instant.

It is so fast. She clunk! And then she just... Ha ha ha! an instant. It is so fast. And then she just blech! Awesome. And we'll see you in St. Paul! Yeah! Oh!

She said jump! She said jump! She said jump! Jesus Joe! Jesus Joe! Jesus Joe! Thank you, man.