The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 39 – Why Tonight's the Caravanserai!

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

The boys return to the District of Columbia to tear it up once again at the Miracle Theatre! The heroes are on a boat sailing down the Sellen River, but what they find in Lowls' journals may lead them in a whole new direction! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/bzpYYoFSUcc Recap 16:34 Gameplay 24:30 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chauncey was going to take me on a trip to the place he's from. From the producer of Megan, Five Nights at Freddy's and The Black Phone. Alice! Alice! Alice! Get out! Now. Many kids have imaginary friends. Ready or not. Just because you stop believing in them doesn't mean they're gone. Here he comes.

And they're angry you left. Imaginary. Now playing only in theaters. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection.

Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. I love you guys! The originals! DC Joe! DC Joe! Oh, I love you guys. Oh, my God. I got so excited for DC Joe, I spilled Diet Coke all over me. How you doing, DC? DC! We're back! We're back. We're back in the old Miracle Theater. Yeah.

Back to Miracle. After a week spent in the soiled armpit of America that is the Pacific Northwest. It's terrible. It's good to be back. Back on the East Coast. You can just feel it. You can feel it. It's a good energy.

They get it. Granted, this is getting a little closer to the southern part of the East Coast. Oh, no. There are a few more American flags than, say, college diplomas. But that's all right. It's not a big deal.

Remember when you were a kid and you'd see an American flag? You'd be like, hey, that's where I'm from. That's pretty cool. Now you see an American flag on someone's porch or plastered to the back of their Hummer, you can't help but think, ooh, I think I know where they stand on a few social issues.

Living in America. Tell your children to avoid the house If you're ever in trouble Just stay away from anyone Waving the American flag That's so goddamn sad Washington D.C. A city so nice that Made it a district

You know I'll be completely honest Washington, D.C., a city so nice that made it a district. You know, I'll be completely honest. I tend to shit on most cities here, and most people, not all, know that I'm joking. But I actually think I really like this city or district or whatever the hell it is. I do. Joe and Skip and I were at a bar last night Watching the Celtics trounce the Warriors

And I was shocked At how many attractive people were in that bar Walking around the street yesterday and today So many really good looking fit people It's a very good looking city Good food, good beer, the streets are clean. That is my base litmus test. You sound like a 70 year old man.

I just like it when the streets are clean. Throw in a couple American flags and we got a good town. Those attractive people are all interns, so stay away Troy. Well this is all to say, Washington, D.C., I'm officially giving you the Troy LaValle District Stamp of Approval!

And I'm proud to be... Do we not have a graphic for that? Grant, I'm sorry. You had one job! I was busy at that bar, Troy! To be clear, Grant has 400 jobs on the stage right now that you can't see. I also never asked for this graphic beforehand. Yeah.

1-7-5. 1-7-5. 1-7-5. Give it up for Grant Burr. 175. 175. 175. Give it up for Grant Berger.

Ladies and gentlemen, Grant Berger. Let's take a gamble. Wait, wait, be careful. Let's take a gamble. Wait, be careful what you see there. What site is that? I thought I scrubbed the internet of that. I needed money. On YouTube we

can't watch it? Yeah. I couldn't. I didn't make the Pornhub cut. You know, while we're in D.C., our nation's capital, I think it's fair that I only break out our patented Glass Cannon Network political humor. Right?

Everyone knows that we're a political network first and an RPG entertainment network second. That's our bread and butter, baby. That is it. And we have several one-star iTunes reviews

to corroborate that. That's right. So I don't get to do stand-up anymore. I thought it would be nice to bring out my patented political humor in case I need to ever audition for the Jimmy Fallon. As a writer. Like as an entity?

Yes. The Jimmy Fallon. Some sort of artificial consciousness known as the Jimmy Fallon. That day may come when this network crashes and burns after several Capitacasa sex scandals. One wouldn't be enough to bring him down.

I like that we can survive. We can absorb two to three of them. Yeah. But then after that... After that, it's a string. And then you're in trouble. So here comes some political humor to really lighten the mood.

I'll start with something easy. I don't want to touch on any hot-button topics. Right off the bat. Yeah. I think you have the right idea. What's going on with the Ukraine? Have you heard about this? Have you ever seen this?

Have you seen it? Have you guys heard about this in the news? Russia thinks they can just walk right in there and take over. Who does Putin think he is? The storm tyrant? Stayed up all night writing that one. Just say Ukraine. If that wasn't edgy enough,

let me see if I can kick it up a notch. Hey! Hey! What's the deal with gun violence? You guys, have you heard about this? You guys read about this in the news? There we go.

Move on to the next one. That one killed. Let's move on to the next one. Let's just keep going. Sure. Grant, you're going to like this one. Sure, the Bill of Rights says you have the right to bear arms, but that was written like 300 years ago.

That's like believing every rule that was written in the Bible. You'd have to be a real dum-dum to do that. Was dum-dum too harsh? Dum-dum wasn't bad? All right, I got another one. too harsh. Dumb dumb wasn't bad. Alright, I got another one.

Let's see if I can close it out with the least controversial topic I can think of. Just cut it. Cut it for time. What's going on with abortion rights? I think we should talk about this. Some people think abortions are mean. While other people think they should have the right

to do with their body what they want, Matthew. It's true. It's very true. Why don't we just end it there? That's a hilarious joke. What I'm wondering is, how come nobody complains when a guy masturbates into a sock? Your mom did.

Think about all the potential lives lost in that gym sock when Joe left for the venue earlier today. You found that? So many potential lives lost. Who's looking for that sock? It's like evidence left behind at a crime scene. It's going to be tough to get on in the morning. Come on.

It's a family show. Folks! Nothing is off limits. Now I'd like to introduce you to four men. Some of us are about to be fired? Four men! You're just going to introduce

two of us. Yes. Now I'll introduce you to all four men who have been here for less than 24 hours and have all been propositioned for sex

by Senator Lindsey Graham. Do you know about this? 24 hours. Pretty good rate. First up is a man who could never run for office because his legs

are too short. But he could run for cabinet because he fits inside one. Give it up for Matthew Cabanacasa! Matthew!

Yeah! Give it up for Matthew Capitacasa! Matthew Capitacasa. Matthew, I have a few goals going into tonight, and one is always to make you as uncomfortable as possible. Check the box. How you doing? You actually got here on Sunday? Yeah, I was spending some time with family. How did that go? Did they like you?

I don't know how they feel about me. They're more into the baby. Oh, the baby came too. Is the baby here? Bring up the baby! Come on, bring him! Thrower! Get that baby up here!

But you're having a good time? You're a big DC guy. I'm having a great time, love the city Good, good talk Next up is a man who Groups of 8th graders have taken pictures of all week Thinking he was the Lesser known DC monument of

Glover Creep It's such a stupid joke, I can't see it. He's the lesser D.C. monument known as Grover Cleveland's tallest poop. Wasn't as funny. Grant Berger, everybody!

Yeah! Grant! I didn't know they stacked shit that high, Troy. Grant, I'm falling apart. How are you? Doing okay. I had a great time this morning. I ran the entire National Mall to the Lincoln Monument.

Get out of here! Yeah, it was great. How far is that? Ten miles total. Ten miles? Not just there. I did more. I ran with Matthew a little bit,

and then Matthew had to attend to his baby, I guess. You ran ten miles? No, I, I guess. You ran 10 miles? No, I was just done. Who runs 10 miles? That's almost a half marathon. Yeah. You just do that on the reg? Now I'm chasing Jen with two Ns.

Jen's here. There she is in the merch room. Just finished the Boston Marathon. She just finished the Boston Marathon. That's right. And I'm trying to catch her. Okay. That's not how it works, but good.

Yeah. That's how I understand it. It's not cumulative running. Good for you. Next up is a man who loves DC because he loves history. Sadly, he can't remember recent history, like where he left his pills, keys, and dentures. Give it up for Skid Marr, everybody.

Skid! Skid. Skid! Marr! Skid! Skid, how are you, buddy? We flew here together, and then we watched the game together last night,

and then you ducked away to watch Star Trek with Matthew. I did, and then we couldn't figure out how to get it to work on our TV so we just went to sleep. But today I did get to hang out with my new friend Daniel over at the Justice Department and he gave me a tour of said Justice Department. He got to hang out in J. Andrew Hoover's old office

and in fact got to see the closet where he kept all the secret files when he was ensconced there. So that was pretty cool. You love justice. I do. You're a big justice guy.

I love justice. Good for you. Yep. I saw the pic. You said that like you were lying in front of Congress. I know. Yes, I do. I love justice. Said her, yes, I do love justice.

Grant needs to whisper in your ear first. Yeah, I know. I love Justice. Perfect. Well-oiled machine. I charged Skid $500 for that advice. By the way, I love coming here every time because I went to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum.

I love coming here. It's a great city. And now I love that I can say that I have a friend at the Justice Department. That's one of the coolest phrases you can say. It's just like, oh, such and such. Let me just talk to my friend at the Justice Department. We'll see what we can do. It's like I'm prepping.

Yeah. Yeah. Happy Pride Month, Lady G. Finally is a man who is known for many things, though intelligence is not one of them. Up until recently, he thought the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was an old D&D module. Until recently, he thought the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was an old D&D module. And you should have seen the look on his face when he realized the National Mall didn't have a Burger King.

Give it up for big, stupid D.C. Joe O'Brien. You! You! D.C. you! D.C. Joe! D.C. Joe! I Joe! You! You! DC, you! DC Joe! DC Joe! I love that movie. You guys started it. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it. Boston Joe was us. We made that up. But then you guys started the whole

DC Joe thing, and it took off! And you know who loves it more than anyone in the world? My dad. Does he like it? My dad is like, did they say Portland, Joe? I'm like, no, dad. He's like, fuck Portland. Oh, that's so good.

You took a jog today, and that ended after two blocks, and then you walked for a mile. Tell us your story thanks for bringing it up uh yes i uh i went out for a run today i had high hopes i got about yeah i don't think it was a full two blocks and i was like this is this is ridiculous and so then i just walked uh up to the capitol it's so funny you say grant i walked up to we were staying at capitol hill real close to the Capitol. I walk up, I walk around the Capitol

from the... I don't know which side is the front or which is the back. Is the front the one that faces the monument? The Washington Monument? Alright, so I was in the back. I walked around to the front and I saw the Washington Monument. Grant was like, I ran across the whole mall, ran to the Washington Monument. I saw the Washington Monument and I was like,

fuck that! I was like, is that in Baltimore? It was so far away. I was like, I'm not walking over there today. And I turned around and went home. Is that when we ran into you? Is that when we ran into you and said, you want to come get tacos? Yeah, you guys were like, we're going to go get tacos.

And I was like, you know what, I don't need a shower. And I just went and got tacos. Those were good tacos. They were really good tacos. Bulgogi. Bulgogi taco. Even better marks. El Bebe. El Bebe. El Bebe, yeah.

Good marks. I heard a very passionate, oh yeah, from the crowd. And then tonight is the first time ever we have ever snuck out of the green room of a venue and went to eat on the block of the theater. And that guy did that in the restaurant. His name is Joe. He's a nice dude. So we ran into some nice people.

It was amazing. And so thank you, guys. That was great. We walk into this restaurant. We just hear, yeah. That was great. We walk into this restaurant and we just hear, yeah! It's great. It's amazing.

It's like you're on stage with us. I can hear you so well. We love coming back to these venues that we've played multiple times because we feel so comfortable here. We think it's a lot of same people. How many first-timers though? Oh.

They don't even know. They're not coming back. Any of you wearing American flag shirts? Fuck. No, we're going to have some fun tonight. Actually, tonight's going to be pretty wild. I always say this to Joe in the hotel room the day of the show. I say, you have no idea what's going to happen tonight.

And you say that every time. But you guys have no idea what's going to happen tonight. So let's get to it. Grant Berger, take it to the recap. Yeah! Yeah! Water cap. Water-themed.

I call that recap, I'm on a boat, motherfucker. Yeah. Very water-themed. Well, we are officially in book three of Strange Aeons. We started in Seattle a couple weeks ago, and now we're in it, and we're playing Pathfinder 2nd Edition. Last time in Seattle, I went over the basics of book one and book two to kind of catch everybody up.

I'll do it again tonight, just in case there's people here that have no idea what's going on, like the players. Book one introduced us to our heroes when they woke up in an asylum with complete memory loss. And they eventually find out that a man named Count Hazerton Lowells IV put them there. So book two is them leaving the asylum and heading into the town that the Count presides over.

The Count has left town unexpectedly. Listen, you never remember the recaps. Doesn't matter. Just let me know when it's initiative. Not the best type of player. Oh, yeah. You sit down, you prepare all this stuff. I've got so much good story for my players.

Just like, when's the combat? When's the next combat? I'll be playing Candy Crush until I'm over. Yeah. You go to the town that he presides over, and he's gone. So, most of book two is the heroes trying to find out where he went and why he went. The why seems to be tied up in his desire to be a respected scholar. In an effort to finally be taken seriously in the scholarly community,

he left town in search of a lost city called Neruzavan, which he believes holds three monuments that were left here by an alien species long before humankind. Problem is, the location of this lost city can only be found in a book known as the Necronomicon. Ooh. Rubab, rubab, rubab, rubab, rubab. Rubab, rubab, rubab. Oh the Necronomicon. Ooh. Rubab, rubab, rubab, rubab, rubab.

Rubab, rubab, rubab, rubab. At some point, Laos began using dreams as part of his research, taking it so far as to enter a space known as the Dreamlands to further his studies. While there, he meets

and bargains with someone named the Mad Poet, who tells him where the Necronomicon is. The sacrifice of our heroes' minds and memories was part of this bargain. So, Sir Julie Andrews, Atticus Grimm, Halster Price, and Aldo Casimir

Aldo got the biggest pop. Aldo Casimir. Yeah! Aldo got the biggest pop. Aldo's my favorite. Are now heading in the direction of a city called, oddly enough, Casimir, where they believe Laos is heading to meet a friend of his named Myaknian Mun, who is going to help Laos translate the Necronomicon

when he finds it in the Qaderan city of Cthir. These cities are very far away from where our heroes were. Luckily, you have all found passage on a boat called the Selin Starling, a large keelboat that sails the Selin River from Threshmore, where the Count resides, all the way down to Casimir. How convenient!

The captain of this ship, a fiery halfling named Skywyn Freeling, took you aboard at a reduced cost, as long as you promised to help defend the ship. There are two professors aboard as well, returning to Casimir after their sabbatical in Ustalav. And you also find your old friend Ferbal Hoss, a.k.a. Tiny Murder Clown.

You see him at the docks and you don't know what he's been doing. So he comes along for the adventure as well. The boat takes off and you're introduced to the six-person crew of Fingers O'Toole, Fanny Kriminger,

Dinky Fustumble, Pedro Alacabam, Porkchop McIntyre, and Spinny Pow, the cook. Spinny Pow! Is it Spinny Pow or Spinny Powell? Spinny Pow, P-O-W. P-O-W, okay, thank you.

She's kind of like an Emeril Lagasse. Pow! That's her thing. Pow! That's how she goes. That's what I'm deciding right now. And not but three days into this rivered boat journey, just moments after spying a red-sailed ship

far in the distance behind you that disappears into the fog, you are attacked by three large amphibian flying a red-sailed ship far in the distance behind you that disappears into the fog, you are attacked by three large amphibian badger-like creatures, which you defeat. But as the last one fell, it pulled Tiny Murder Clown with it down into the water and out of sight. It's terrible, isn't it?

Just kidding. Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Moan! Grant, come on. Got him. Hold on. I got it. Got him. You dummies.

We're all the way in D.C. This will be worth it. Okay. All right. I think I got it. Okay. Okay. And if I calculate... I want to be here in spirit. There we go. I think I got it. Uh, okay. And if I calculate... There we go. This is a really...

Yeah! Look at how recent that photo is. That's precisely Eric's current haircut and facial hair. That's exactly what he looks like now. It's like he's here with us. Hehe, getting haircuts is what I do fourth best!

Hehe! Yes. Hee hee, getting haircuts is what I do fourth best. Hee hee hee. As tiny murder clown's body disappears below the water, we look up. Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag on that gimmick. We're done. This is a treat.

We get to see how the sausage gets made. Can't edit this out. You see Tiny Murder Clown's body get pulled below the water and then we look up from the water at our four heroes looking down over the edge of the boat, maybe looking frantically for something

to throw down and fish him out of the water. Then we see Skywind Freeling, the halfling captain, come over and put an arm across one of your chests and she shakes her head and says, there's nothing you can do. He's gone.

There's nothing you can do. We don't like him. Yes. Let's not waste time role-playing his apparent death. Let's just move on. I would like to say a prayer for Tiny Murder Clown. There's no time, unfortunately.

Say it silently. All right. And so you move on as I mentioned last time this is a long boat journey your destination is months away but luckily you have a shit ton of work to do while you're aboard this vessel

gotta go through all of Laos' notes and books and journals, all this shit that you took from his mansion at Iris Hill. And I mentioned this last time, as Laos' obsession with researching this lost city of Neruzavan grew, as he delved deeper into the dreamlands, you can see that his writing became more erratic. Trying to find a consistent thread among all of these notes and books

and things that he writes in the margins, you know that it's going to take days, maybe weeks of meticulous research across several disparate sources. But you have time now. So you begin to dig in. Where Halster and Sir Julie's knowledge base, it's mainly tied up

in religion, they don't have a ton to offer to the research. But thankfully, Aldo and his less intelligent rat friend, Atticus. Not anymore. They are masters. Second edition now, my friend

oh oh I didn't know this if you had to say quantify your intelligence on a scale from 3 to 20 where do you think that it would fall

such a nonsensical idea can't even wrap my head around it no 3 to 20 sure if I perhaps were to quantify it I would say it's not a great sign I don't even know

I've got to say it's just such a silly way to track such a thing but I'll say 19 and you Aldo numbers are meaningless but I'll say 19. All right. And you, Aldo? Numbers are meaningless in these situations. These numbers...

They're culturally biased, those sort of measurements. Truly, truly. It's a waste of time to get into a battle. It's a waste of time to discuss it. Exactly. We should get to work, really.

We should just get to work and just put all this behind us. It's silly. Like Tiny Murder Clown. Exactly. We should get to work. We should just get to work. Just put all this behind us. It's silly. Like Tiny Murder Clown. Yeah. We must forget such meaningless things. Yes, such meaningless, irritating things. Just put them aside.

Throw them overboard, as it were. I like your metaphor. Well, Aldo is a master of arcana, and Atticus is a master of occultism. And Lal's studies are right in your wheelhouse. So can I assume the two of you are digging into these notes all day and night, comparing and contrasting things that you discover, maybe below deck? Explain to me what this looks like.

and contrasting things that you discover, maybe below deck. Explain to me what this looks like. Skid, you want to take this one? Yeah, I think that... Well, it is funny because the ship is much smaller than we have pictured in our minds when you look at Roll20. It's like...

Yes. Was it like 40 feet long? It's preposterous. Yeah. It has ruined my immersion. Yeah. This is a lifeboat. Right.

We're escaping from the Titanic on this thing. So we have to spend several months on board. So I guess we're just kind of cramped next to each other. on board, so I guess we're just kind of cramped next to each other, just kind of pouring over all these books with little candles, I guess, below decks. Or if it's a nice

day, get up top in a dick chair or something. We cannot risk the pages getting wet. Oh, true. We must stay in this telephone booth below decks. But the other thing I wanted to do as well is i i am also a master of ancient history so i would love to do at some point a history check on casimir zur and

naruzevan casimir what and what zur and naruzevaner, like X-E-R? Yeah. Oh, Xer. Yes. I could be pronouncing it wrong. I don't know. Alright. Give me a history check and just give me one check for all of them. Okay. Natural 20! Natural 20!

Natural 20! Good start to the sesh! Alright. Oh, this is a nightmare for Drew right now. I know. He's quietly exploring. He's just tossing the adventure into the trash. He's like, well, you learned it all.

Let's do some more political humor. We just want the critical success information on three cities at this campaign setting. So this is just ancient history. Right, right. And there wasn't a geography check. It was more about what's important there. Well, you know that Xur is one of the two main ports for all Razmiran.

So the fanatical Razmiri priests, that's their, like, city. And you have every reason to believe you're going to pass by Xur on your journey, whether or not Skywind is going to stop there. You could ask her. But what did you hear about Xur? What?

What did you... You heard me. Did you read the adventure page? This was all the headband. Because I'm not from Galarian. Right, right, right. So all the history that I know was implanted into my brain by the headband, or the Ioun stone. We learned about it when we learned about the journey that Laos was taking.

Right. Yeah. Sure. or Laos was taking. Right. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, so you know that it's where the Rasmirian priests are

and they usually require donations if you call stop and port there and they can be pretty pushy about it. But you imagine Skywynn, if she's going to stop there, she's got a deal with everybody along the way or she's going to play by the rules.

There we go. There's three different shows going on here tonight. In terms of Casimir, this is your destination. It is a city in Andorran. You see he's sweating. city in Andoran. It...

I see you sweating. I'm just reading the Pathfinder wiki. Oh, thank you. Okay. You know what, Skid? You earned it. Just go ahead and open the Pathfinder wiki. With a natural 20, you can read the wiki. No. You've unlocked

the wiki. Under Rec You've unlocked the wiki. Under recall knowledge, this is critical success. As success, comma, except you can read the wiki. Right. That's what it says in 2E. Yeah, I could. Yeah, it's a significant source of trade in Absalom. A lot of naval vessels.

Cold, saffron, lumber. Capsule. A lot of naval vessels. Cold. Saffron. Lumber. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot that goes on there, it seems. Seems like there's several pages of information on this major city. You're going to be really interested about Casimir when you get there. That's what I would say. Here's all I want.

Yeah. If I have a question down the road, will you just answer it for me as if I knew it now? Absolutely. You've earned that right. Okay. And I want you to hold me to it. Yeah. And the other thing, the interesting thing too, so Razmir is the

country that is ruled by the living God. Right. Razmir, right? But he is also not actually a god. Do we know that? Or is this... Because I don't think many people are aware that he's just like a charlatan.

I didn't know that. Okay. Oh, well, sorry, sorry. If anyone out there... Sorry. You spoiled it for Matthew? It's in the book. I didn't read the wiki.

Jason Bowman has told us on many occasions that Razmir is fake it's on the wiki as well you've now unlocked the church of Razmir wiki as well I didn't roll a natural 20 I don't get to read the wiki it's pretty interesting every year hundreds of doubters are sent

into the heart of the exalted wood to be indoctrinated into Razmir's faith. Those who return come back changed. They seem to lose their doubts and return with a newfound faith, and many return with unexplained burns and scars, although some never return at all. There might be some foul rituals going on in the old exalted wood. What if they just live there forever and are happy?

Maybe. Maybe they just open up like a knitting shop or something where they sell wool. Probably. Are you sure you haven't read the wiki? Alright. Casimir is like a naval base, basically.

It's the Absalom equivalent of a naval base. It is situated perfectly at the northern part of the inner sea, right? And that's where the Salin empties out into the inner sea. Here's the most important part of this, maybe, is you know absolutely nothing about Nur-Uzavan, even with a natural 20. Okay. And actually, that's fine. I mean, even...

Okay. Yeah. I buy that. So you're below deck. Digging in. Yeah, I picture us below deck. You're still going to go with this? He's got a candle.

Like, every once in a while, the tipping boat. It's like, candle starts sliding. Gotta catch it. Make sure it doesn't burn any of the pages. And we're going through these tomes after tomes. We're sitting down there like Woodward and Bernstein, just like across the table from each other.

Atop the Valley's Soul, the Codex of Three Prescriptions, Curses of the Black Lake, dichotomous translations of occlo syntax, like book after book after book, elements through the spirals of time, emotions of the past, the falling silkments through the spirals of time. Emotions of the past.

The falling silk. There's a lot of books. There's a lot of books. All with long titles. Yeah, Atticus is digging in. But I love the thought of us coming, oh, look at this! And finding something interesting and sharing it.

Well, in terms of the mechanics of this, you have to spend like 14 hours a day reading these materials. Now, where there's two of you, you can get things done more quickly by working together, but it's still hours, mostly below deck, combing through these tomes and journals,

all dealing with subject matter that is sometimes very mundane and boring and other times like maddening and weird. And Lowell's notes, as they become more erratic, start to play with your mind as well. So if you remember, one of those trunks at Iris Hill had, like, two dozen books, and these were the books that you were just reading the titles of.

And they all seemed very important to Lowell's research because he had dog-eared pages, written notes, referenced other books. So I imagine this is where you really start digging in. And after only a few hours of combing through these books, when you finally sit down, you're like, you know what? We've put this off long enough. We're no longer mourning. Enough Mai Tais on deck.

It's time to get to work. I know. We're just procrastinating for days. We're just like getting suntans out of the deck. Painkillers after painkillers. Another frozen painkiller, Mr. Casimir? You find things hidden within some of the books. Folded into one of them are two scrolls,

and you have time to figure out what those scrolls are. One is a scroll of tongues, and one is a scroll of dreaming potential. What? Are you familiar with this shit? No. This is awesome. You know tongues, bro. You know tongues, bro.

You now know tongues. I'm familiar with tongues, bro. Dreaming potential, fifth level spell, you draw the target into a lucid dream where it can explore the endless possibilities of its own potential with the ever-changing backdrop of its dreamscape. If it spends, or if it sleeps the full eight hours uninterrupted

when it wakes, it counts as having spent a day of down- I can't fucking talk. A day of down time retraining. Though it can't use dreaming potential for any retraining that would require either an instructor or specialized knowledge it can't access within the dream. That's some Matrix stuff.

It's a free retrain, but you only have one scroll. The other thing that you find is really, really interesting to both of you. Let's say Aldo finds it. Let's say that. You open up a book, and the center pages, like a square in the center pages, have been hollowed out so that something can be hidden with inside. It leaves a space about six inches square and four inches deep

that you wouldn't even know was there when the book is closed. Inside this space is a miniature staircase. What? That's carved from horn and ivory. It's beautiful, and you can tell that it looks exceedingly valuable. But it also seems to have been placed here for a greater purpose.

Is it magical? It... That's an interesting question. Glad you asked that. It isn't magical. It just seems both valuable and important. So you find the tongues, you find the dreaming potential,

you find the little staircase, and you start digging into these notes. What are Halster and Sir Julie doing while they're just hiding away downstairs combing through these tents below decks oh tiny murder clown

our interactions were but short but I shall remember your zealous enthusiasm for killing that's what we're doing also for 14 hours a day But I shall remember your zealous enthusiasm for kidding. That's what we're doing. Also for 14 hours a day. Just lamenting his possible death.

They're in mourning. We're in mourning. Halster is jealously polishing his shield in the corner, seeing what a keen shine that Sir Julie took to Tiny Myrtle Clown and wants to one day be the apple of her eye but can't get her to notice him no matter how hard he tries and he's trying hard takes his shirt off below

deck jeepers alright alright you know I do imagine if you carry any sort of candle for Sir Julie, it's got to be rough hearing her talk about thousands

of men that she slept with. Like over and over and over again. A man like Houser isn't scared by experience. Thousands of people she slept with. I'm not scared by experience like you are, Joe. Houser. Houser. Houser. I don't understand what you said.

Help me out here. I'm trying to put the names. Fingers, Fanny, Dinky, Spinny, Pedro, and who's the other one? Spinny. I got Spinny. I got it for you. Fingers, Fanny, Dinky, Pedro, Porkchop. Porkchop! Porkchop. How could I forget Porkchop?

Remember him and Fingers used to run a corned beef shop? Yep. Yeah. All right. Now they're all on there. They have two different last names. And I said, what are they, cousins? And you said, no, it's a family shop.

It's a family shop. And then you just moved on. And I baffled. They happen to work in someone else's family shop. It's just moved on and I baffled. They happen to work in someone else's family shop. It's the greatest mystery of book three so far. You two knuckleheads spend almost two weeks digging through these books before a trail starts to unfold before you.

Trail. Trail. trail, trail. Trail, trail, trail, trail. Evidence. Trail, trail, trail, trail, trail. Trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail, trail. Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Lyle's notes indicate over and over again that his journeys occurred in the dreamlands, which you knew before you even dug in.

But as you read more about it, you learn more about the dreamlands, that they are a vast and relatively stable section of the dimension of dreams which is much larger than just the dreamlands the dreamlands is just a part of it you also start to learn the fundamentals of travel in the dreamlands you learn that most type of damage that one experiences in the dreamlands vanishes upon waking, except for purely mental effects, which can tend to linger. Spells and items. It's like Nightmare on Elm Street. Or Inception.

Spells and items used in the dreamlands cannot be brought back into the waking world, but persist from dream to dream. So you could find something in the dreamlands, use it, wake up, it's gone, return to the dreamlands, and all of a sudden you have it again. And finally, you learn that death in the dreamlands works differently as well. It results in an immediate traumatic awakening and you don't die in real life but you come back with some sort of permanent madness. And the more you die in the dreamlands, the worse it gets. Digging through and you see

notes by lulz planning to research a mysterious hermit in the dreamlands known as the Mad Poet. Apparently, this Mad Poet was quite dangerous until appeased beforehand. So you can see that Lowell's focused his investigation on how best to approach this inscrutable and certainly sinister figure. It seems that this appeasement process is rather detailed in particular. Throughout his research, Lyle selected

a caravanserai, kind of a roadside inn, a way station where travelers could stop to rest in a vast dreamland's desert as his initial destination. You like that?

Is that how you pronounce that word? I looked that up like four times. Caravansarai? Caravansarai. Caravansarai? Yep, I looked it up. I've been pronouncing it wrong for a long time. Caravansarai. Seven wonders, bro.

Well, fucking tell Google, man. Caravansarai. It's caravansary. Yeah, caravansary. That's what I thought too, but that's not what Google said. I just Googled it. Caravanserai. It's Caravanserai. Yeah, Caravanserai. That's what I thought, too, but that's not what Google said. I just Googled it. Caravanserai. That's what I thought.

Booyah! Bird dog for the win! Wait, wait. Shut up. Everybody shut up! DC Grant! DC Grant! DC Grant!

DC Grant! DC Grant! DC Grant! DC Grant! DC Grant! He said he was going to do that before the show. He was one inch away from your head. Yeah, that would have been... That's how you know I'm a professional, Jeff. Everybody. Wait, everybody shut up. This is what I used.

Caravanserai. You'll notice how we can't hear it. I hear it. It says caravanserai. That's the American pronunciation. Did you just say pronunciation? Busted! I did say pronunciation. Were you doing the...

Oh, you were doing the British pronunciation, which is... Sorry! Last time I checked, this is America, Grant. And I'm proud to be in... Can I just finish this research? Can you just let me know when I can roll initiative?

Don't listen to Matthew. This is gold. This Dreamland stuff is gold. That sounded like DC Matthew to me. Wait. DC Matt! DC Matt! DC Matt!

Yeah, his favorite name is Matt. That's his favorite. Right, Matt? When do we ever call him Matt? Right, Matt? This happens all the time. This is Matt. That's his favorite. Right, Matt? When do we ever call him Matt? Right, Matt? This happens all the time. This is awesome. I like this.

This is good. Is the caravansary in In the Dreamland? Sarai, yes. Sarai, Congressman. Sarai. It's In the Dreamland. Can I finish? Is this book three? Are we going into the fucking

dreamland? You're learning. Are we getting a caravan? You're learning what Liles did. Well, it's funny you mention that because after 12 days of researching this and trying to decide how to pronounce it. So many paper cuts. Yeah, that was several days

of worth of research. You just hear Atticus and Aldo screaming at each other. It's Caravanserai! You're an idiot! You're a fool! Magic missile. There's this fire explosion below Dex.

Boats start sinking. Yes, boats start sinking. My boat! What the fuck did you do to my boat? That's kind of that's what I'm... After 12 days of reading this, which should have only taken four days, you uncover the Dreamlands excursion ritual.

Oh. Oh. Okay. The ritual that Lowell's used. I hope it's not based on pronunciation. And now you can use it as well. Oh, okay. To travel to the same place that Lowell's did. Oh, wow.

Caravanserai. Wow. In addition, you discover, if you could figure out the correct phrasings, you could travel anywhere in the dreamlands. But right now... That sounds hopeless. Yeah, that's not happening.

You know how to get to the Caravanserai. Now, rituals, I don't know if you know this, Joe, they're their own thing in Pathfinder 2E. Beef! Joe. Sorry. Got excited.

Joe was, right before you got in the shower, you were like, dude, I started reading about rituals today in Pathfinder 2E, and I was like, really?

Tell me all about them. And I sat there and listened like an idiot. But I already knew. They're so cool. They're so fucking cool. Matthew, take my hand. We're going on a ritual. Grab hands.

ritual. Grab hands. This is what our parents feared we were doing when we played this game. This is exactly it. They came down the basement stairs. There were like two candles lit. We're all holding hands. We're going... They actually came downstairs to find us.

You're going, caravan street, bro. Why is Grant naked and covered in goat's blood? Get out of here, Dad. DC Grant. Well, we're going to get into some DCs for these checks. Ooh. Look at that transitione. That's how we do. Look at that transition. That's how we do it in the professional biz.

Here's how it works. You need to have a primary caster in that role is so important because that is the person that makes one very important role. I do roll well in DC. I do roll well in DC. What is the skill they have to roll for that? Well, here's the thing, Matthew. I'm glad you asked. You have learned enough to know

that you could use either Arcana or Occultism as long as you are an expert in those fields. Aldo is an expert in Arcana. You are an expert in Occultism. But here's the thing. There are also secondary casters. And the secondary casters

beef up the jawn of the primary casters. And if you don't understand what that means, I don't know what to tell you. You don't understand us, really, if you don't understand that. It says it right in the rule book. The secondary casters beef up the john of the primary caster. Archives of Nethis, J-A-W-N. So basically, there are three checks that need to happen, and the results of those checks can either make it easier or harder for the primary caster.

A critical failure on one of those checks makes it extremely hard for the primary caster. This ritual will take an hour to perform, and it must be done at night, and it must be done on the material plane. And the little tiny ivory horn staircase that you found

is part of the ritual. Because as you begin casting these things, you pass the staircase to each other, slowly, over the course of an hour. Freaking cool. And if you pull it off, shit happens. If you fail, shit happens.

You're telling me either way, shit happens? Either way, shit happens. DC's going to see some shit. Yeah. It's day 15 of your boat journey. All right, so you're telling me night's rest. Yeah, full night's rest. Get used to it.

It's a long journey. Your secondary checks are the following. I'm going to tell you. You spent time figuring this out. Obviously, I'm telling you the mechanical way of doing it, but you figured this out. Like I said, the primary check is either arcana or occultism. And you have to be an expert. You don't have to be an expert or a master in the secondary checks.

One of those checks is arcana or occultism again, but you can't use the check that you're going to use in the primary. So most likely, if Joe is the primary using occultism again, but you can't use the check that you're going to use in the primary. So most likely, if Joe is the primary using occultism, then Aldo would make the arcana, and vice versa. You can't use the one that you're using in primary.

The second check is religion or performance. And the third check is society or survival. There are four of you. There are four checks. Night begins to fall on day 15. Skywin, I'm assuming you've kept her abreast of this, right? Are you keeping this close to your vet?

You're going to do a ritual on her boat. No, yeah. I mean, it's a small boat. We have to... What are you doing? We were like, should we tell Skywin?

And she's right there. Tell me what? So sorry, Skywin. Would you mind if we lit a bunch of candles and did a ritual on your boat? It wouldn't be the first time Do you want to do it On the top of the deck Or below deck

Below deck Good, I don't want you scaring my crew With your witchcraft What happens to our bodies While we journey to the dreamland I don't know, I didn't spend 14 days reading these books. I know it's close quarters, but I was asking. Oh, sorry.

Asking Atticus. Atticus and Aldo. What happens to our bodies while we travel through the dreamlands? Aldo and Atticus. It is unclear. Our bodies remain here, Sir Julie. They are unmoving and completely protected from all danger. Says it right in the spell.

They are incapable of being hurt or damaged in any way. So there's nothing to fear. Even to pranks. They are immune to pranks during rituals. Even if someone tried to dip one of our hands in a pot full of warm water, for example. Wouldn't work. Yes. And we should tell Dinky Fustumble not to drop penises on our faces. Yes.

Not again. You leave Dinky alone. It's a long boat ride. He's got to entertain himself if drawing a penis on your sleeping forehead will make him happy you let him do it on my boat

isn't that right Dinky and Dinky's just like not creepy at all the journey gets long but everyone has like the faded sharpie Of a penis on their forehead Dinky's a weirdo But we love him

He's mute He is mute He is mute But he draws a penis Like no other And they're always circumcised Isn't that right Dinky? Otherwise you wouldn't know what it is.

Sure, sometimes he has a little fun with it and draws the little lines of something flying out of it, but that's Dinky's right. Maybe a vein or two. Anyways, I'm going above deck. And she leaves you. And Dinky just sits there watching. With a fucking sharpie.

Watching and waiting. Yeah, you assume that your bodies just go to sleep at the completion of the ritual. And that you kind of enter this lucid state in a body that is a lucid body in the dreamlands, but you really don't know what it's like until you do it. This is awesome. It is really cool. Let's figure this out. Who wants to be the primary caster,

the one that will be making the big check. I have a thought. Why don't you roll off for it? Whoa! All right. Everybody slow down. This is purely tactical. We need to figure these skills out first. What's your Arcana bone?

My Arcana bone is plus 17. What's your Occultism bone? My Arcana bone is plus 17. Okay. Oh. So you've been saying it wrong the whole time. We're both masters of Arcana. Oh, you're both masters of Arcana.

And I'm an expert in occultism as well. My occultism is 15. So the way these skills combine, you want to make sure that you have the highest in each of the secondaries. Right. And if that leaves only one person who's left to have the highest primary, then that's where you go. So I think we start with the secondaries. You're going to do religion, Sir Julie. Well, Halster also has religion.

What's your religious bone? 14. What's your bone? 15. Bam. Oh, you're an expert. What's your religious bone? 14. What's your bone? 15. Bam. You're an expert. Nobody has performance, right? You have some performance, but it's not.

I do have performance. All right, so then that's religion. The other two that we can do is secondary society. You've got a good society, right? I'm a nine in society. Not a good society. I'm 13 in society. Skid?

Society, also 13. Okay. Are you going to let them do those secondary checks when they're already assigned to other checks, though, Troy? Are you going to force me to do it? Wait, wait, wait. But it was society or what? Survival. Does anybody have the survival?

Oh, plus 12. Oh, okay. All right. So you could be survival. You could be religion. Then you guys just have to fight amongst yourselves. Who's doing arcana? Who's doing occultism?

No, no, no. Primary. I would do Society, because that's 13, beats his 12, which would leave Aldo as the primary caster doing Arcana. So the most... There's only two primary... Secondary? There's three secondary checks.

So what's the third secondary? You got Society, Religion, and then... Occultism or Religion. Society or Survival, and then whatever you didn't do is primary. So if he does Arcana, someone's got to do Occultism or religion. Legend or performance, society or survival, and then whatever you didn't do is primary. So if he does Arcana, someone's got to do Occultism. All right, so I'll do Occultism, and you do society.

So 12, 15, 14, then 17. I thought I was doing survival. He is. Oh, is your survival better than your... All right, we have decided... You can go along, Joe! We have decided survival, primary Arcana, secondary Occultism, and religion.

All right. Who? Yeah! Now, here's the thing. Oh, baby! The secondary checks, you can either succeed, crit succeed, fail, or crit fail. Is there any creepy pasta thing we have to say to get this ritual started?

Oh, yeah. Stiff as a feather, light as a board. No. Stiff as a... No, you just have to hold the staircase during the entire time that you make this check. You don't have to say anything? Hand it to the next person.

You don't have to say the human torch was denied a bank loan. The human torch. You have to say something. Flanagan? Who wants to roll first? was denied a bank loan. The human voice. You have to say something. Lanolin? Who wants to roll first? What is it? Lanolin?

All right. Lanolin. Pizza. Who wants to... We just get pizza? Yeah, we get pizza. We earned it. Did we?

All right, so are we doing... All right, so we're in this. Who's rolling the secondary? We're holding hands. We're doing the chant. Gibbous moon is in the sky. What does that mean? I don't know. And now we begin the secondary checks.

Grant, start us off strong. Hold hands. Oh, Phorasma, guide me down this spiral staircase. Show me how to survive these desperate times. It's a 19 on the die. Yes! That might be a crit success, dude.

Crit success with a 31. Boom! Boom! Wait. What's the total? 31. Not a crit success. Sad noise. It a crit success. Sad noise. It is a success.

Wait, you got a 19 on the die? And a 31. 31. 29 plus another two. You carry the one. Yes. Very good roll. It was stated earlier that Halster is the weak link.

All right. That's rude. Plus two now, Skid. You have to your check with that. That's a plus two on a regular. No, it's not. No, it's no bonus. You need a crit success for the plus two now, Skid. You have to do your check with that. That's a plus two on a regular. No, it's not. No, it's no bonus. You need to crit success for the plus two.

I'm sorry. Who's stupid now, Joe? You know what? That's not bad. Sir Julie? I would kill for a success, Grant. You're doing great. Sir Julie.

It was on 17, and then it rolled to a five. That is a 20. That's a failure. Oh! That means you now have to take a minus 4 on this check. Okay. Where's your God now? And so let me tell you what's happening here.

We're going to need DC Joe. what's happening here. We're going to need DC Joe. As Halster has the staircase and he's focusing in on his knowledge of how society works. Survival. Thinking about survival. Thinking about the show Survivor.

Wonder who's going to win this year. He passes the staircase to Sir Julie. And Sir Julie, as you get the staircase, suddenly it feels much heavier than it did when you were looking at it earlier and larger in your hands. It's growing and becoming heavier. You then pass

it to Atticus, and Atticus, you feel it's like taking all of your strength to hold it up, and it's like this wide now in your hands. So cool. Give me an occultism check.

Come on. Come on, DC! I need to crit this! I need to crit this. He focuses all his occultist energy into the stairwell after reading these books, these dark books of the dark tapestry and those horrors beyond our knowledge, those things beyond what we can understand,

take us to the dreamlands and track down Lowe's, this son of a bitch. We're going to find you! 90-90! Yeah! Yeah! DC Joe! DC Joe! DC Joe! DC Joe! DC Joe!

DC Joe! Yeah, baby! Oh, God. I roll rocks in DC, so that is a 34. Exactly a crit success. Wow! Wow. Woo!

Exactly a crit success. So now your minus four becomes a minus two because that's a plus two on the primary check. So you've got a minus two. A lot better than a minus four. Not as good as a plus two or a zero. And now the staircase is handed over to you, Aldo, and it, like, it's...

You've got to have your whole wingspan out as you're holding this thing and it's really fucking heavy give me an arcana check explain me how this goes down okay question can I use a bottle cap you know what absolutely you can you can use that to re-roll

but you can't do in a down time activity which is what this is is like use misfortune or fortune but you can't do in a downtime activity, which is what this is. It's like use misfortune or fortune, but you can reroll your check by using a cap. And, yeah, you all get a new cap for the session where it's a new set. Oh, great, great, great. Okay. Here comes the roll. No.

No. No, how dare. That's a total of a 17. No. No, Aldo. That's a total of a 17. Oh. So I... I believe I will spend a bottle cap to re-roll that. Come on, get it this time. Come on, Aldo.

Cap gone. Come on, skit! Okay, okay. With a minus two. Okay, that is a 26. With the minus two? Yes.

Hits exactly. Oh! Aldo! Wow. Oh, amazing. By the hair of his dumb Australian chin. Despite Sir Julie trying to drag us down, we worked together to push through. Go on to the dreamlands without me then.

I'll wait here and see what happens to your bodies. You, the weight of the staircase becomes... Dinky, can I borrow your sharpie? The weight of the staircase becomes so heavy as you complete the ritual that you have to drop it to the floor and it falls to the floor and melds directly to the

bottom of the ship. And there's just a staircase now leading down. Oh, cool. That's cool. Does it lead to the water? What do you do? I think it worked. I think you're right.

I mean, the ship's not sinking, so... This is it. We've read about this for days. So, Julie. Yes? Head away. There. Down the stairs.

Very well. Follow me. Yes! Yes! This is so me. Yes! This is so dope. Oh! So Sir Julie goes, followed by Halster, followed by Atticus and Aldo.

You walk down these steps. I do have to give it to you. When you said it today in the hotel room and you were like, you have no idea what's happening tonight. You were right. You were right this time. I thought it was going to be

more river sharks or something because of the boat and everything. A couple crocodiles going to the dreamlands. You walk down the stairs and you just keep going and maybe you look back at the people behind you and you see them walking stairs, and you just keep going, and maybe you look back at the people behind you, and you see them walking as well, and you just keep walking into darkness, and eventually the stairs end on sand.

Oh, come on. That's so cool. And you just step forward onto a vast and featureless desert under the blistering sun. You can see the heat shimmering in the distance, creating that air of an unsettling illusion as you look toward the horizon when the wind and the sky just looks like it's moving. The sky just looks like it's moving. The only structure in sight that you can see is a partially ruined limestone caravanserai. Caravanserai. Is it spelled with an A-I at the end?

Because that was... It is A-I, yeah. I thought it was seri too, but that's the... A-I at the end? Because that was... It is A-I, yeah. I thought it was to read two, but that's the... A-I. Yeah. So technically I think it is. That version is Caravanserai. You're going to take exception to Matthew Capitacaz's ruling?

Caravanserai. Thank you. You see this partially ruined limestone caravanserai made of thick stone and cracked and crumbling with age. The stone building is the same pale tan color as the sun-bleached desert that extends to the horizon in every direction around you.

You see up ahead of the building a single wide entrance that's large enough to admit several laden mounts. It just pierces the north wall of the structure and opens into what looks like a courtyard beyond. You see the northeast corner of the building has wholly collapsed. There are drifts of sand and tufts of weeds indicating that the building is long abandoned.

It's also oppressively hot under the sun here as you stand. Even after a couple of minutes, you feel like soaked through under your clothes and armor. Maybe you turn to look back at the staircase you walked down and it's gone. Let's go to the map. Nice work, Ramp. Oh, there we are.

Looks like my map moved. Shitty map So there is the map That I will quickly Oh I see that's hilarious Oh no Piece of shit Such gross work I can see parts of the caravansary I should not

Oh no It's not nothing What do you do as the heat beats down on your stupid faces? Let us enter this structure and seek shelter. I agree. These winds are blistering. I'm quite hot. I'm wearing quite a bit of armor.

Aldo's actually this is like reminds him a lot of where he's from so he's actually this is it's kind of making him feel a little more at home the sand and the heat it's funny, the same thing for Atticus

because he was born originally in Kedira, around Kedira. Oh, really? Yeah, but was taken away at a very young age. So, like, as a child, he was in a warren, so he called it warren, like a desert warren. And so, yeah, this is, like, bringing back very old memories for him that are very vague, obviously, because of his amnesia. bringing back very old memories for him that are very vague, obviously, because of his amnesia. But this probably

does, like, it feels even more like a dream. Right. Because it's just like, both of us probably have dreams like this. Right. Where we go back home. So, yeah. You look down at your bodies and they look like your bodies, but everything just

feels a little different. But a little bit more muscular. A little more red. Everything's a little bit tighter. A little more shredded. You all have six packs. Kiss pulls up his robe and looks at his abs. His hairy rat abs.

I know Kung Fu. Can we go to these doors to the west? Yeah, there's a ton of doors to the west. I'll show you some more of the courtyard as you've walked in. But yeah, there are several doors. There's three to the east and two to the west. What do you do? I'm so happy.

Sir Julie will listen at the door to the weist. Alright, so you go to the western doors, give me a perception check. That is a 24. You hear nothing. I open the

door. Sir Julie the brave opens the door into this caravanserai. And oh, baby, do you see stuff? He says as he does the polygonal reveal.

You look in and you see a decorative fountain with a basin beneath it. And the fountain is decorated with carvings of people sleepwalking. Oh, a theme. Yeah. It's like there was a time when it contained clean water, but now it's just dry and empty.

And the hallway stretches ahead. now it's just dry and empty. And the hallway stretches ahead. You see another door, or not even a door, like an entry into another room to the north with just a curtain standing there. I'll show you that on the map as well.

Let us proceed cautiously. Do we know any... We read about this place, did we not? The Caravansary um like did we read about what it was for or who was once here or if like do we learn anything about this place from our reading no you just know that louse went here first that's all we know is this where he met the mad poet he didn't meet the mad poet yet, right? You don't know. I think you do

know that he met him. He was like, oh, the Necronomicon is in a museum and a theater. Were the Onerogens then at the asylum opening a portal to the Dreamlands as well? And was that for people to come from the Dreamlands into the

normal material plane we're in as opposed to what we're doing, which is going into the dreamlands this way it's the other direction the onerogens they were all kind of malfunctioning if you remember right they were basically as they were placed throughout the asylum they were causing a rift in the whole area which ensconced the entire asylum it kind of put the asylum in a rift between planes. So that's why all those Dreamland creatures were slipping in, because these Onerogens were there. And when you killed the final Onerogen, it ended that.

But they were intended to breach into this place. Yes, because the Tatterman wanted entry into the world. Okay. So yeah, you just know that he came here first. But why? You don't know. And it seems to be abandoned. Let us proceed. Is there any writing?

There's no writing anywhere? No, no. It looks just old and untaken care of. Okay. Untaken care of-ansery? Bottle cap. Yeah. What do you do? Sir Julie comes up to the edge here,

and you see that the hallway continues stretching down. There are more fountains placed at various intervals. The hallway ends and turns about, I don't know, 70 feet or so, and there's another room blocked by a curtain. So, curtained room to the north, curtained room to the south, long hallway, lots of fountains. What do you think?

Grant, move your ass. Let's go. I'm not walking past Halster. Get up there! All right, coward. You're the fighter. So Julie reaches out, and like after waiting for everyone to catch up, and she just yanks the curtain back.

You yank the curtain back. I shall reveal the room, and then we're going to talk about it like adults. Oh. Oh. What is that thing in the middle of the room and then we're going to talk about it like adults. Oh. Oh. What is that thing in the middle of the room? Oh. You yank the curtain back and the curtain like dissolves in your hands almost. It's so old.

It just breaks apart in your hands. You try to yank it and it just dissolves. You see the walls of the room beyond lined with shelves. There's a long wooden table stretching through the room center. It looks like it used to be a shop of some sort, but there's only dust and rags remaining on display. Standing in the back of the room, perusing one of the nearly empty shelves,

is a gaunt man with sunken cheeks and he straightens up when you enter the shop and he says, oh I wasn't expecting anyone I hope you had a good journey wherever it was you you came from

I wasn't expecting you I'm so embarrassed I don't have any wares at the moment, and that makes my shop look rather lamentable, but you are most welcome here, travelers. And the man looks like Shma. Everybody roll a perception check. Jesus?

Evil Jesus? Evil Jesus. Evil dream Jesus? Oh, wow. Evil Jesus. Evil Jesus. Evil dream Jesus? Is that you? Evil dream Jesus. 34 on the perception check. So Julie's not messing around.

Oh, for religion? Yeah. No, perception. Oh, okay. I mean, I think that makes sense. We're talking to... 16 for Atticus. Okay. Halster? 24. And Aldo? What are we doing? Perception check.

Not good. Okay, so Halster and Sir Julie, you both notice that the man's black robes trail off at the edge into smoke as though he were insubstantial. And he says, you are most welcome here.

I do apologize. I am not well stocked for travelers. It's been a while since anyone has come through here. May I ask where you've come from? May we ask your name, sir? Yes, yes, you may. It's Bindi Fenton. Wait a minute.

This really sounds like a name that you just made up, like the people on the ship. No, no, don't be... Is that the case, or is this... Don't be foolish. My name is been defended, and it's rude of you to say otherwise.

We come from the material plane. I hear it's lovely. It is lovely this time of year. Thank you for saying that. Yes, and what is your name? My name is Sir Julie Andrews, Knight of the Dawnflower. A knight.

A knight. I must ask you, are you still in service to some lord or army? I'm not to be rude, but it seems like you're past your fighting days. Oh. Roll for initiative. It does seem that way. It's a little eyebrow raise from Matthew there. It conveys everything that needs to be conveyed.

Sir Julie gives Bindi, fuck me eyes. That's not what that was. And what about you? That wasn't quite the message I was sending. A message received, Knight. I'm not insubstantial everywhere. What about you, Rat? I am Atticus Grimm.

We have come... Don't repeat my name back to me in a creepy way. I didn't do the same to you, Bindi... Whatever your name was. Fenton. Fenton. Benji. Nice to meet you a creepy way. I didn't do the same to you, Bindi Fofasafato, whatever your name was. Fenton. Fenton. Benji. Bindi Fenton. Nice to meet you, Benji. Atticus Grimm. Atticus Grimm of the Material Plane. Of the Material Plane. Stop repeating everything I say. If I wanted to mail you a package,

I would just send it to Atticus Grimm, care of the Material Plane. It would get within 1D20 times 25 miles of my location, I suspect. Nerdage! What is it to you? Nerdage! It is time for Nerdage!

God damn, you don't even need the drop. So we have a knight, and what is it that you do? What is your specialty? I must know. I'm an illusionist. An illusionist. I can see the smoke tendrils coming from the end of your cloak. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I cleaned that up.

Are you... Are you... Quite... Insubstantial? Well, it's, uh... Are you really here? A matter of perspective, I should say. He'll walk into the room.

Yes, please. He'll walk in and get closer to him. And as he walks up, he'll say, Are you really here? Do you have a form that is present in this place? And he sort of reaches out curiously to see if the guy will, like, put out a hand or something like that.

We're all just surrounding him like this. We're all pulling out daggers. No, no, don't worry about them. Don't worry about them. They are quite insubstantial, I assure you. He says, yes, no, I am quite substantial. Just a fist bump.

A fist bump, yes. For realsies. No, allow me to show you how substantial I am. Roll for initiative. Oh! How substantial I am. Roll for initiative. Roll, Ricker, roll, Ricker. Roll, Ricker, roll, Ricker.

Roll for initiative. I thought he was a friend. I thought he was a friend. You're never going to come back to the Dreamlands. You come there, you introduce yourself, and the first person you meet... Yeah, the first guy is like, oh, where did you come from?

Murder. Murder town. I am from Murderton. It's okay. He'll just be mad on the material point. All right, let's go over initiatives. Aldo, Kazimir. 31, a natural 20 for 31.

31 on a nat. 20! 20! Okay, what about Atticus? 23. 23 totes. Sir Julie. Sir Julie also rolled a natural 20.

Oh! Sir Jules. For 35. 35. I should inform you, just in case, that Sir Julie carries a pilgrim's token. So if your monster happens to roll a tie, I win. Oh, that's a cool little John. That's great.

Halster, what'd you roll? 24. It's time for Nerding! Sir Julie, Aldo, Halster, you all see this guy reach out towards Atticus in anger. He reaches out and you all get to act first.

Yes! So, Julie, he reaches out to grab. What do you do? Oh, this is tricky. No, it's not. No, kill this dude. Greatsword. Face. He could just be trying to, like, fix your lapel.

Well, then we wouldn't have had to roll initiative. Dude, he literally went, I'll show you how real I am, and his face twisted in rage. Yeah, he just starts adjusting your tie. It's like, why did you say it that way? Gotcha. Why are you... I just wanted you to...

A little Dreamlands humor. I just wanted you to... Little Dreamlands humor. I just wanted you to look nice. A little razzing the new guy. I'm trying to obey the tenets of my order, but I'll roll with the great... Snore. Snore. Snorter.

Alright, 23 to hit. 23 to hit. I'm so sorry, that's a miss. Oh, no! Okay. Second attack. Second attack hit. I'm so sorry, that's a miss. Oh! Okay, second attack. Second attack. This will be a hit, right? That's a... 27 to hit.

Yeah, that is a hit. Yes! A juice! Okay, that is... Excuse me, 19 points of damage. Unless he's undead. Is he undead? He does damage unless he's undead. Is he undead? He does not appear to be undead.

However, you notice that not all that damage gives. Not all that, John. You have a magical weapon, right? Yes. Okay. Third attack. Weak sauce. 18.

18. I like how you're right next to him when all of this happens. Oh wait, flanking. 20. Get out of here. No, no, he's flat-footed, right? That's a no. Well, what? The first one. It's a minus 2 to their AC. Minus 2 to their AC, so did the first one hit? Please stop wasting all our time. Well, it's

a really... It's Aldo's turn! I love how all you guys are in the room already, surrounding him with a striking hand. Did you miss it? That's what I have to do. You were role-playing, and I was walking up to him,

and they were all surrounding him. That's when they were all laughing. I didn't see it. Don't worry about them. They're insubstantial. It's because they were surrounded. It's such cheap shit. It's baloney. It's because they were like, it's such cheap shit. It's baloney.

It's garbage player garbage. If only you had caught it and we would have just admitted it was a gag and moved back. You should police yourselves. It's such dirty pool. Nobody walks into a bodega and surrounds the shop key.

Do you all want cigarettes? I know, I know. This guy, he considers himself to have so much integrity. And he's over here like, flanking, flanking, flat footed. You would do that in a bodega if you were anticipating fighting the guy in the bodega. You would absolutely do that. If you walked into a bodega and it was completely empty and the guy seemed to be, his robe seemed to be smoking like he didn't even exist. Yeah, emitting smoke from the hem of his robe.

You never been to the Dreamlands before? That might be normal. It's true. You see three kids walk by with shadow feet. Smoke feet. Daddy! Daddy, you got... Cleave. You got customers. Father! father Bindi

you have customers for the first time and he goes why are they killing you little Tommy and Steve Fenton will be fatherless go ahead

take your nine attacks everybody Aldo Aldo he yells out ha ha and he pulls out his sickle because he's right

adjacent to him first action and it just starts hacking he pulls out his sickle, because he's right adjacent to him. And it just starts hacking at him with the sickle, hacking at his arm that he's reaching out to Atticus with. Yeah, first attack is a 17. That's a miss. And so he puts an action drawing the sickle, another action attacking, and then with this third action, he's going to just sort of duck away He puts an action drawing the sickle, another action attacking, and then with this third action, he's going to sort of duck away and run off into the corner of the store.

Okay. He sneaks off to make the combat more interesting. And now it is Halster's turn. What type of damage does Sir Julie's sword do? Slashing or piercing? My sword sword do? Slashing or piercing? My sword can do either slashing or piercing. All right. I'm going to do the opposite.

So if I see you took a slash in your attack, I'm going to do piercing just in case that has anything to do with not all the damage. Okay. And I'm going to power attack for the first time. What? Woo! Talk to me about a 2E power attack. 2E power attack takes two actions out of your three and adds

an extra damage die to your damage roll. If you hit... And I rolled a 31. That's a hit. But not a crit? 31, I'm so sorry, no. Terrible. Even with flanking? but not a crit. 31, I'm so sorry, no. Oh, terrible. Don't embarrass Matthew.

Even with flanking? Even with flanking, yes. Please stop, all of you stop. It's 14 points of damage. 14 points of... You notice not all of it gets through. Not all of it gets through. Not all of it gets through.

It's almost like this dude's made of shadow. Not all of it gets... All right, second attack. Here comes 21 to hit. Moving on to the next character in initiative. It is Atticus Grimm. This guy's reaching for you, Atticus. Because he knows you're smart.

Because he knows I'm smart. What is this guy? Does this guy have anything in his hands? What is this guy's deal? What anything in his hands What is this guy's deal What is your story fella No He's just in road You don't notice anything in his hands Is there anything on the table

Just rags and dust Rags and dust Yep Maybe an old playboy What is this dude's story It is a bodega. Get out of here. This is 2E now. You can do a thousand

things. I can show you the world. I am... Do you hear the beautiful voice? I am going to immediately... Oh, you hear the beautiful voice? I am going to immediately... Okay, I'll just react quickly here. And he's reaching out to me. I don't know what his powers are like.

So I'm going to cast a spell. Assuming he doesn't have an attack of opportunity, I'm just going to say a trigger word, and I'm going to cast time jump. So I say the phrase and time stops. Boom.

What's the phrase? Chicken! Why does your brain immediately go to poultry? Protein. Beep was already taken. Chicken. Chicken! All right.

It's official. If you ever want to cast time jump, that is the somatic component or verbal component. I'll show you what I'm made of. He reaches out. I'm like, chicken! And then the dude goes. Everybody else freezes as well. And in that instant,

Atticus is going to move completely across the room to the back. Back inside the corner behind Halster, like 20 feet behind Halster, where this guy basically would not see where he went. As a move action, and then as one additional

action, I get two actions, he will cast shield and just bring up a shield in front of himself. And so it's a purely defensive measure. And then time restarts. So basically to this guy, he reaches out and Atticus vanishes. Okay. That's what he sees. That's pretty cool. I think that's pretty awesome. That's pretty sweet. So those were your three actions.

He was reaching for you and you're gone so he turns his attention to either Halster or Sir Julie. Oh, so you don't waste his turn, though, when that happens? You just get yourself out? I think so, right? He doesn't waste a turn. You just get yourself free and leave your friends at his mercy, right?

Yeah. What? Do I waste your turn? Is that what you're asking? Yeah, you don't waste a turn. No, I was saying it's flavor because you rolled a low initiative, right? Grant's trying to game the system here. One, two, three, Sir Julie. Four, five,'t waste a turn. He committed his flavor because you rolled a low initiative, right? Grant's trying to game the system here. One, two, three, Sir Julie.

Four, five, six, Halster. Roll in front of Joe. That's Halster Price with a planet die on our new split party dice. Available in the gift shop for $3,000. He casts a spell on you. Give me... Screaming Jay Hawkins. A will save.

I saw him in Berlin in 1992. It was awesome. Will save. Which save? What save? Will save. Here it comes. I'm an expert in will.

24. I need to check. Wait. And I will take an attack of opportunity as a reaction. You can do that. Thank you. Okay. Go ahead.

Can you do that as a reaction when you cast a spell? Okay, then please take your jump. That is going to be a 29 to hit. That is a hit. Okay. Making sure that power attack is off at my damage calculations. That is going to be a 29 to hit. That is a hit. Making sure that power attack is off at my damage calculations. 18 points of damage. Nice.

Five and a six. Phenomenal. Okay, not bad. Not bad. Unfortunately, you failed against a spell known as Phantasmal Killer Oh no! No way! Are you familiar with Phantasmal Killer?

What's it like in 2E? Is it less killy? It's still a little killy Is it now with more kill? Now with more kill Now with double the kill. You are going to take 8d6 mental damage. Oh, and that carries over to the Jawn plane.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. Don't make everything more confusing. This triggers a reaction. That was very clear. This triggers a reaction from Sir Julie. It does?

Yes. I can use my paladin's ability, Retributive Strike. The trigger is you. An enemy damages your ally, and both are within 15 feet. Wow. Retribute away.

Sir Jules? Okay, that's going to be a 31 to hit. That is a hit. Yes! Destroy. That's 18 points of damage, and you get 9 DR, though I don't think that really matters here. Against mental damage, probably not.

Mental damage going right to your dome, bro. Right to your motherfucking dome. Right to the dome. So the ally gains resistance to all damage against the triggering damage equal to two plus your level. Oh. Wow. Sir Julie's sponsored by BetterHelp. For real.

Halster, you take 30 points of mental damage and you are frightened two. Oh, shit. 21 points of mental damage and you are frightened 2. Oh, shit. 21 points of mental damage. I think you take all the mental damage. I don't think the DR blocks No, it does. All damage. It says all damage. Really? Gross. Frightened 2,

you say. Frightened 2. Does it block that? Angry GM. I still have one more action. You were asking, does he have a weapon in his hand? No, he doesn't, because his hands are weapons. You see one of his hands start to extend out into a nightmare tendril,

and it swings at Sir Julie Andrews with neon green! It looks particularly neon tonight. It does. It's like it's glowing from the inside with hate. What is the deal with gas prices? Neon green. Now's not the time nor place.

Okay, that is going to be a 34 to hit. That hits. Is it a crit? No. It's close. A couple things are going to hit. Is it a crit? No. It's close. A couple things are going to happen. First we'll start with the damage, which is going to be 21

points of negative energy damage. And then you're going to do something called an endless nightmare. Oh, dear. That sounds bad. Please give me a fortitude save, Sir Julie.

Okay. 24. Oh, no. I'm going to use a hero point. Bottle cap reroll. Oh, you're going to bottle cap re-roll? After I did my dance good. Okay.

26. Still a fail! Oh, no. This is badass. Not so bad, but you do move to stage one of this endless nightmare where you are fatigued for one day. Oh. Oh, damn. Okay.

24 hours from now, we'll roll this again and see if you move to stage two and God help you, you move to stage three. So I'm fatigued. You are fatigued. That's really scary.

Fatigued. One. Frightened. A two. Round two. Sir Julie's turn. Or are you too tired? Asking for a friend.

I am not too tired. Okay, so Sir Julie will first strike out. Rather mean fellow, as shopkeepers go. That's fair. That's fair. Crack die. Okay, that's going to be a 33 to hit. The old Larry Bird hit.

All right, that's going to be 16 points of damage. Not really, but okay. Okay, and then Sir Julie is actually going to move. Okay, coward. You'll see why in a minute. And she's going to move around so she can reach across and touch Halster for a lay on hands.

Nice! We truly are in the dreamland. You're my best friend. That also. My goodness. I'm just reading here. Mercy gets rid of fear effects. Oh, yeah.

You can attempt to counteract a fear effect or an effect imposing the paralyzed condition on a target in addition to the other benefits of brown hands. That's powerful. I'm assuming frightened falls under fear effects. Please tell me you didn't just say you're going to counteract something. It is the single most complicated thing in all of Pathfinder 2nd Edition. I mean, it's not a huge deal.

It'll go down at the end of my turn. It kind of just dissipates naturally, and it's just taking an effect on things. So if you don't want to grind the show to a halt, we can do it, I don't know, in Columbus. Yeah, Frighten does go away at the end of his turn. Frighten 2. It goes to 1. It goes to 1, and then it goes to 0. Unless he gets hit.

I mean, I want to heal him regardless. So the Lay on Hands, removing the counteracting the fear effect is a bonus. And we don't know how it works. Joe will look that up. It is tough. You've got to really dig in here. For spells, the counteract check modifier is your spellcasting ability modifier plus your

spellcasting proficiency bonus. Plus any bonus. What you can counteract depends on the check result and the target's level. If in effect, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. Why is it so complicated? We're live in D.C. Because we're just live.

Just look it up. It's Aldo's turn. Aldo is going to pop a bomb off his bandolier. It's like, taste fire, ghost! Okay. Tosses a bomb in his general direction. That is a 29 to hit. Question.

Yes. You have to throw it past. Well, I guess you can kind of sneak it in there. I've got kind of a... I've got a lane there. You've got an opening. I thought you were where Atticus is. 29 is a hit.

All right. There we go. All right. That is 12 points of fire damage. Okay. The creature is on fire. It will be dealt an additional two points of persistent fire damage on its turn. Okay. I'm going to throw another bomb.

You're going to throw another bomb. And do your friends take any splash damage? No. I have the bomber ability, which allows me to forego any splash damage. Okay. And that doesn't take an action to do? No. No. Alright. Second bomb.

Second bomb. That is a 17 to hit. Yes, and that's No. All right. All right. Second bomb. Second bomb. Oh. That is a 17 to hit. Yes, and that's with the minus five, correct? Or minus four if it's agile? Yeah. Almost a crit fail. But instead it's just a miss.

Cheaper. That's right. Do you have any actions left? I do, but I'm going to use my final action to shout out, We didn't come here to fuck spiders! That is an action in Pathfinder 2E to do that. It is Halster's turn. Any update on Counteract O'Brien? I mean, just roll die.

Halster's turn. Halster's turn, perfect. Halster's going to do a classic Pathfinder 2E fighter trick, and that's attack, attack, raise, shield. There you go. Dance, dance, revolution! That is going to be a 30 to hit on the first attack. That's a hit.

All right, here comes the damage. Chipping this guy down, old Bindi Fenton. 16 points of damage on the first attack. Oh, baby, some of that went through. The second attack is a 31. Also a hit. 12 points of damage on the second attack, and then raises his shield and cowers behind it.

Smart. That's just smart, is what it is. And now it is Atticus Grimmshurn. Atticus, you slipped away and left your friends to be hit by a phantasmal killer. That's right. Nightmare Tendrils, what do you do? As is tradition.

As is tradition. Atticus is going to reach into his belt, draw a wand, and double down on this burning, smoky dude. Okay. And he's going to fire off a wand of scorching ray. Yes. As a fire ray shoots at the dude,

it is a spell attack roll. Here we go. 34 to hit. Regular hit? That's right. That would not be a crit. I don't know why I got excited. You got really excited?

But it's the two-action version of the wand spell. Okay. Which is going to be... A couple of ones on some d6s. That's a lot of ones. On 4d6 fire damage, I rolled 1, 1, 1, 2. I got a 2, baby!

Are you fucking kidding me? 5 points of fire damage. That rate, which is 0 points of fire damage. Wait, did you say that before? Five points of fire damage. That rate, which is zero points of fire damage. Wait, did you say that before? He's resisting fire damage? I didn't tell him. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Some of it went through, but not all of it.

So I would have seen that he was resisting fire. Yeah, you see it just fizzles off of him. So I never would have done that. We're having fun. This is great. He's not, like, immune to fire. He's just, his fire was better than your five points of fire. That's how that works.

Yeah, that's his turn. That's it. Okay, he'll take some fire damage. Skid, as I was just explaining to Joe, you notice that all your fire damage did not go through. He just did the Scorching Ray that did no damage because he rolled so poorly. None.

Because he's Joe. But give me the burn damage. See you, Joe. You had a good show, buddy. Oh, no. See you in Columbus, pal. Give me my burn damage. Let's see if it exceeds its resistance.

Two. Well, it's two. It does not. So it takes no burn damage. However, it's his turn, and he's ready to play! Sir Julie, let's have some fun with you. Cast a spell, which would

provoke, right? It would provoke. I think I can still attack of opportunity with my shield raise, I believe so. Thank you. I heard a lot of no's. Uh, okay. Uh, shit. Even if I move,'s going to provoke right So fuck it take your AOL

Can you do it or only if I hit him with Retributing stride If you do damage to an ally within 15 frames I'll attack you instead That provokes from him Please take your thing Allow me to just reduce my fright into one Oh yes

Now you should be scared, asshole. That's rude. Natural 20. Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay. What is the total?

The total is 38. That is a critical. Yes! So that's going to be I'm going to fuck out. Isn't that the worst? A crit on an attack of opportunity?

Yes, it is. The worst. It is. The best. Phantasmal killer! Wow. You just scared the shit out of me. Wow.

You are, for the audio listeners. Yeah, please describe what just happened. I just scared Troy by coming over his shoulder, and he jumped out of his chair onto the ground like it was a nuclear war warning. Oh, and I must have spilled some warm beer on my crotch as well. It's wet and warm down there as well. Good Lord.

I think you kissed my cheek. Did anybody see that? Whispering sweet nothings. Well, I think you kissed my cheek. Did anybody see that? Whispering sweet nothings. Well, I love you, buddy. Roll double damage. I just took double damage. So just roll regular damage. So I'm rolling once and just multiplying that by two.

Just doubling whatever you roll. Okay, fantastic. Six? Yes. That is 34 points of damage. What? Yeah! Dude, that is so clutch.

So clutch. Not all of it gets through, but most of it does. Yes. Give me a will save, Serju. I got the hiccups now. I'm so fucked up from Joe. You're right. I mean, you came out of nowhere.

I know. I know. And licked my earlobe. That's what it felt like. I know. What is, like, you're on stage. I mean, dude, your reaction was... Your adrenaline's always, like, super high.

And, like, you feel something coming out of nowhere. White knuckle. You can think of the assassin as, like, come out of the balcony. This is... They finally come for of the balcony. This is it. They finally come for me. Yeah. So, Julie, we've waited long enough.

I rolled a natural six. Oh, baby! For a 20. And you're out of bottle, John. I'm out of bottle, John. Fail. Oh, my God.

Is it a critical fail? This is a five-foot burst, John. You give me a save as well. Oh, no.. Is it a critical fail? This is a five-foot burst, John. You give me a save as well. Oh, no. Of the Will varietal? This is a game changer. 22. You both fail.

I cast sleep. Oh, no! You both fall unconscious. Oh, no. Do we go into another dreamland? You wake up. It's like Inception. The dream within a dream.

It is. You go in another level deeper. A lot of chair falling today. What is happening? You fall unconscious. You drop your weapon. I see you got your the Matthew finger

ready to come up. Is this a mental effect? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It does have the mental John. Yeah. Because I had to roll

doesn't actually matter in this case. Wait can I can I use my bottle cap? I don't want to fall asleep. Not after you found out that you failed. That's why I gave you a moment to say I want to use my cap. You didn don't want to fall asleep. Not after you found out that you failed. That's why I gave you a moment to say I want to use my cap.

You didn't give me shit. There was a moment. You guys noticed the moment I gave you? You didn't give me shit. I gave him a long moment. It felt like 15 minutes. You both fall asleep. You drop your weapons, and you immediately, your hands fall into a bucket of warm water, and you piss yourself.

Oh, no. It's really. I was assured that was impossible. It's really a sight. And then he just steps over your stupid bodies and moves right up between Atticus and Atticus. Oh, God. Oh, no. This is the best game ever.

Oh, no. Man, people are already calling for the TPK. TPK. There's the animals in this audience. Oh, my God. This is amazing. It is Sir Ju... Oh.

Oh, so sorry. What happens when you dream in the dreamlands? It's inception. Yeah. Where am I now? In a medieval castle. And they're like, the world run! They're coming out of the world run!

Stop making out with that dude! Get down and fight those demons! And together with Zanzibar Macintosh, she charges into the world run. Aldo's turn. Aldo, you see this guy just

cast a spell. Sir Julie falls. Halster falls. Game-changing TPK on the line here. What do you do? Alright, his eyes, like, behind his alchemist goggles go wide when he sees Halster and Julie like, falls. And he's just like,

he jumps back so there's no so what the equivalent of the five foot step is that not a thing anymore it's just step so he steps back with one action and pulls out another bomb and he's just like

don't you dare think about doing that going to sleep there's no sleep in here no sleeping in the dreamlands, mate. Toss another bomb. Crack die. Oh, fuck. All right, I have one more bottle cap left. From last week.

I'm going to use it. But doesn't he know it failed at this point, Troy? Isn't that different from like, if it just saves? Your rule doesn't make sense. No, no, no. It does make sense. It's different to know that you failed and then know the effect of the failure. You know the effect of the failure before.

You know what I mean? He was like, you both fail. At that moment, if you were like, I'll use the bottle again. I think so. But then he was like, and you fall asleep. And then you're like, now I'll use it. That's a little tough. And Skid knows that the effect of failing is not hitting the person. I just know that I rolled a four. Got it.

Skid, what do you got here? All right. All right. That's 31 to hit with the bomb. That's a hit. I would argue, by the way, that an exploding bomb might wake us up. Only if he does splash damage to you. That is 13 points of fire damage.

13 points of fire damage. Not bad. And use my final action to throw a second bomb. That is a natty 19 for 29. That is a hitty 19 for 29. That is a hit. Come on. 14 more points of fire damage. Oh, man, he's really taking it.

Come on. Really taking it. Shit. It is. Oh. It's DC Joe's turn now. Come on, DC Joe's turn now Come on DC Joe I just want you to know We're all counting on you

I just looked up the unconscious condition For Pathfinder Chewie Loud noises being made around you Is one of the causes for waking up Bombs don't make noises in the dreamlands Everybody knows that is one of the causes for waking up. Bombs don't make noises in the dreamlands. Everybody knows that. Everybody knows.

It's like a bomb in space. It is not automatic. At the start of your turn, you automatically attempt a perception check against the noise's DC, waking up if you succeed. I'm assuming I get to set the noise's DC. Let me just check my tables here. This is the lowest DC if there's more than one noise.

All right. This is often DC 5 for a battle. I'm going to say DC 48. Well, there is no check. You went straight over Hauser's turn, right? So there's just nothing? I'm just asleep? Yeah, you're just asleep.

You're dreaming of... No, this is what I'm saying. If there was a loud noise at the start of your turn, you would make the check. I know. It's a clear choice being uncooperative. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it.

If you spend an action making a loud noise, I'll give you the reception check. He threw a bomb! I threw a bomb! Once again, it's a very quiet bomb. It was absorbed. It's not. It was absorbed by the spirit's body. I have very loud bombs. It was muffled by the smoke.

How dare you? I also shouted the spider thing. I shouted that thing. Yeah, the spider. The Australia. That was just loud. The Australians are super loud. Atticus.

That was what happened. What would you like to do? This guy's going to walk up to Atticus. Atticus is going to drop the wand in his hand. Draw another wand. And just be like, with a flourish, with a little perform flourish, like musket. And just a wand of invisibility on himself. And it'll just vanish in front of the guy.

Gone. Gone. Gone! Leaving poor Aldo alone. Atticus, mate, what are you doing? Well, I was thinking I'd go wake them up, but like, you know, they're just yelling about all the

noises waking them up, so I guess that'll be it. Seeing Atticus disappear, he takes his first action to step towards Aldo. With his second action, he casts a spell. I need a will. Oh. We're live one time. Come on, buddy. All right.

Okay. That is a 27. All right. Okay. That is a 27. Just failed. Oh, my God. This guy is the boss of the Dreamland. What's going on? Like, I rolled a natty 14. It's like.

Seriously. Very high DC for this guy. This is a pathfinder 2E. So let's talk about the damage. It is a gentleman's 26 mental damage. And you are frightened too. Another phantasmal killer. And he moved to get in position to do that.

I guess I didn't need to do that. So that is his turn. And then it comes back to the next round. And it comes right back to you, Aldo. Atticus is gone. Your friends are asleep. What do you do? Aldo's going to take another

step back. He just keeps backing away from this being. Yep. Always like standing astride like his sleeping friends Julie and Halster. And he just says, come on, wake up, you buckas!

Come on! This doing's about! And he's gonna throw another bomb! Fuck! That's a 19. Don't exclude us from the splash damage. Okay. Well, it's only five foot. 19 is a miss.

Because all of our abilities changed for some reason. When we got on the boats, everything. The laws of physics changed in our world. So I'm going to throw my final bomb. We got this. We got this. Of the round. Okay.

Ah, 29 to hit. That's a hit. Yes. We got this. We got this. Of the round. Okay. Ah, 29 to hit. That's a hit. Yes. There we go. Yes. Ah, that is 14 more points of fire damage. And he dies. I knew it. I knew it.

You had it, Aldo. You had it the whole time. Hero, Aldo. You had it the whole time. Hero Aldo Kazuma. No! And he disappears. And as he disappears, the sound of that bomb wakes up your friends. How convenient. So loud it woke up your friends. Ten more minutes, Mom. how convenient so loud it woke up your friends

ten more minutes mom this session to quote Joe needs an asterisk it's a lot more he's just got to go with it it's a lot more fun if he gets the killing blow you guys are saved

no I understand he still would have the killing blow what do you do well what happens when he dies is he like vaporized he's like no What do you do? Well, what happens when he dies? Does he, like, vaporize? He's like, ah! What a world, what a world.

Is there a body? Uh, no, it just turns into smoke and fucking disappears. What the hell? Sir Julie's still inflicted by the endless nightmare, though. Memories of her time fighting in the whirlpool, banging on the reg. What do you do? Can we inspect this room? Is it actually empty?

Is it? No, you look around, and as you're looking around, you find something under a pile of rags. You find five enormous emeralds that seem to be worth some money, although I think it's wrong in this conversion, so I'll look. But you also find an orange

prism aeon stone. I was just looking at this. Into E. You want to know about the Aeon Stone? All right. For this young lady. An orange prism Aeon Stone

must be activated to provide a benefit, sister. The resonant power grants you a plus two item bonus to arcana, nature, occultism, or religion checks, whichever corresponds to the tradition of the last spell you enhanced with this Aeon Stone. It's one action to activate it, and if your next action after you activate it

is to cast a spell, that spell is one level higher for the purposes of counteracting and being counteracted. Two rules which we know to a T. You have some time before Columbus to learn about that orange prism Aeon Stone. We know those almost as well as the sleep rules. Right. There's still a little sorrow about sleep.

Who wants the Aeon Stone? Atticus. Anybody else? Roloff. It's a Roloff. All four? Why not? Good old-fashioned Roloff. I have spells. Yeah, but you can kill

everything without a single spell. Apparently not. I'm bleeding from my fall. Twelve. Oh, good roll. Matthew. So gross. Nineteen.

Ninety-nineteen. Enjoy it, Matthew. No. Matthew, enjoy your crisp new Aeon stone. I'll give you five dollars every time you use it. Okay. It also comes with a beautiful tuxedo fitted for a rat. But that's yours.

You won that in the end. So Julie sets it on fire. Now he's for this. Okay. Good. What do you guys do next in this Caravanserai? I think that Halster will treat wounds of anyone that is hurting. Did I get any healing from the land hands, or was that just for fear?

18 points of damage. Okay, great. 18 hit points. She damaged you for 18 points. I'm also going to refocus and get my focus point back. I'm a master in medicine, so I can do a DC 30 check to increase the hit points you heal by 30, but that makes it a real hard check. I'd have to

roll a 15 or higher to do it. So I'm going to keep that DC check at 20 to increase the hit points regained by 10. Nailed it with a 24. Nice. Meanwhile, those emeralds are worth 1,000 silver pieces each. Nice. Meanwhile, those emeralds are worth 1,000 silver pieces each.

Nice. You get 20 points back. Great. Woo-hoo! Thank you. Sorry, how much are they worth? 1,000 silver pieces each. So this is something I don't understand.

So just looking up the Aeon Stone, the Orange Prism Aeon Stone, it says that they're worth 9,750 gold pieces. Which seems like the GDP of a mid-sized nation in Galeria. Based on the new rules of the economy.

Yes. Is that true? Yeah. You do notice that. So, like, I don't know if you guys have a praise or if your praise even exists, but, like, yeah. But we can't take it back with us, right? It's only in the dreamlands? Right. Oh. But that is

wildly powerful and expensive for the relative level that you're at. So, yeah, you do take note of that. How strange, you say to yourself. Okay. I'm going to use this as often as possible.

I shall use it constantly for no reason whatsoever. So is that one of the rules that we came across in our study? Like anything that we find in the dreamlands? It stays here. When you come anything that we find in the Dreamlands. It stays here. When you come back, it's in your possession again.

Alright, okay. So you should make a little side list of anything you find here. Very easy to do on Hero Lab. To just have the Dreamlands gear. Or you could use a Google Doc or an email. Or a piece of paper. Or an email.

Or the million other ways that you can make lists. Grant points out that the Dreamlands is essentially Vegas. Because it's a hot desert where anything that you find there stays there. Except herpes. Right.

It's a gift that keeps on giving. That always comes back. Okay, what do you do? You herpetic fools. I want to look around this room and anywhere else for any other signs of somnambulism. No, you do notice Sir Julie seems a little off. I feel a little off. She says as much.

How are you feeling, Sir Julie? If I had to put a word on it, I feel a bit fatigued from the endless nightmare that's playing like a loop inside my head right now. Oh. Can you not hear it? Can you not hear the nightmare

that's playing an endless loop inside my head, Aldo? No, I can't hear it. That sounds terrible. I count that as a blessing that you cannot hear it because it is truly awful. I'm grateful. I am seeing my compatriots die vivisected, disemboweled,

blood drained, exsanguinated over and over again. He grabs her by the shoulders and slaps her across the face. Wake up! Interesting. Does that work?

She takes 4d6 points. Sorry, Sir Julie. I always dream myself to be incredibly strong. So I apologize for that. You put quite a bit of effort into that slap. Sorry. Put some weight behind it. All right, what do you want to do now?

Let's open a door. Let's go across to the east. We got this room. Let's finish this room. Let's finish this building. Yeah, let's go to the south. We got this door down here. There's another curtain.

Great, go. I was just trying to make a choice. Instead of no choices. Halster moves up to the curtain seeing Sir Julie not feeling well. He wants to maybe, this is his moment to impress her. So one, two, three. Okay.

You move the curtains and not unlike the curtain before, it just disintegrates in your hands. It's very old. And you see a small room. It looks like a dining room, perhaps. The curtain, just like the other one, is very heavy, whereas you saw as you were coming in on one of the doors to the east, a very thin curtain.

It's very heavy, whereas you saw as you were coming in on one of the doors to the east, a very thin curtain. You push it aside, it starts to break apart in your hands, and you see three elegant wooden tables and stools of varying sizes, all lacquered in a rich black. A few plates and a decorated picture are stacked on a sideboard, and everything in there is covered in dust. stacked on a sideboard and everything in there is covered in dust.

It really has been a long time since we saw anyone. Fascinating. Let's keep moving. How does searching a room do we need to roll perception as we roll search here? You would roll search. Unfortunately,

something happens as you begin to enter the room. No. Atticus. Atticus. No, no. I was back here. Examining the floor to the north.

The floor to the north! The floor of the north! Back in the room. Now you've put me at the deepest in the back corner of the room. Oh, it's where you belong, you son of a bitch. Everybody go back where they were. Something very, very strange. So we're at the doorway of this horrifying, creepy room. And we're like, all right, let's all run as fast as we can to the back corner.

Wedge ourselves in there in an instant. They'll never expect it, Aldo. They'll never expect it. The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm. It's the last thing he'll expect. You enter the room and you start looking about. And you notice that figures begin to emerge in the room. Hidden figures.

Oh! Oh no! Suddenly, several ghostly forms begin to appear in the room. You see an old woman with bluish black skin covered in gaudy jewelry and elaborately quaffed black hair. And she's yelling at two human men to fetch her more food and clean up the plates and cups in front of her. And they're scrambling to acquiesce.

It's almost like they don't even see you as this is happening. At another table, three surly humanoid-looking creatures wearing turbans are talking over a detailed image of the moon that sits on the table in front of them. And finally, at a third table, a group of hooded ghouls are gathered around a human head that looks to be made of terracotta. And they're poking at it and prodding at it and studying it, and they don't really look at you at all, and they're all talking over each other, and you hear their voices start to fill their room, and their voices start echoing in an overlapping,

unintelligible cacophony, and suddenly they all stop, and then one by one, each of them turns to look at all of you. This is all right out of Inception. It is. And as they do, their mouths

start to get really raw. And they just like go ahhh! Oh god. And we'll see you in Columbus. Oh! Love you, DC! Horrifying! Horrifying!

Thank you, DC! Love you guys! Thank you, guys! Thank you! Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.