The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 49 – Riverside Drive

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

It was a show for the record books as Glass Cannon Live! made its return to Boston for their fourth show at the Paradise Rock Club. The heroes got more than they bargained for after a stop in an ominous river town. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa and Sydney Amanuel as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/0lr-dXBH2bM Recap 18:02 Gameplay 25:08 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Embrace something new at Starbucks. Introducing the Ice Lavender Cream Oat Matcha Tea Latte. A creamy drink where smooth matcha meets subtle floral notes.

From our airy lavender cream cold foam. Only this spring, only at starbucks ice lavender cream oat matcha tea latte includes dairy you are listening to the glass cannon network the premier source for role-playing game entertainment I'm back, baby! How are we doing, Boston? I need earplugs. That was good. Let me tell you, the only thing better than coming home to Massachusetts is coming home to Massachusetts

in the fall! We travel the whole country doing these shows. And occasionally we go to shitty towns like Portland. Terrible, terrible city. But even great towns like Nashville and Chicago on their

best day can't beat Boston in fall. Can't do it. I woke up this morning, I was doing lines of pumpkin spice off the hotel sink. Like Tony Montana and Scarface.

I was a hayride and a couple apple cider donuts away from a perfect day. Show of hands, how many hayrides did we go on today? Any hayrides? No?

Oh, it seems to be an audience of adults. Urban adults. That's all we have here today. Apple cider donuts? All right! You know they have those in other states. No, they're not the same.

They're not the same. The trees are different. Yeah, they get their apples from the Hudson Valley, New York area. Shut your mouth. You wouldn't know a good apple if it hit you on the head. I'm sure most of you know this, who listen to our shows, that Joe and I flew into Vegas on Thursday.

Let me get my Vegas look going real quick. So I... We've been drinking since Thursday morning. Since the Thursday morning? Since the Thursday morning. That's Thursday morning? Since the Thursday morning. That's what I'll refer to for a long time. The Thursday morning.

Four days before Troy passed. Who can forget? Bloody Thursday. And of course, when you are a problem drinker, you just keep going. So there was no point where I was like, maybe I should just take a break before the Boston show. I'mer, you just keep going. So there was no point where I was like,

maybe I should just take a break before the Boston show. I'm like, it's football Sunday. I can't watch the Pats lose sober. It was funny because Sidney was like, so you're on a bender. You're like, no, I just don't want to keep it going. And it's like, you're on a, that's a bender. you're on a bender. And you're like, no, I just don't want to, I want to keep it going. And it's like, you're on a, that's a bender. You're on a bender.

I want to keep it going. I don't want to go home to my wife and children. I'm in a different city than I live in. That is the definition. I'm a textbook bender. One man's bender is another man's bender. You should have seen Joe and I in the... We flew into Vegas from Vegas.

I don't even know where the hell we are. Last night, we got in around 8 o'clock into Logan, and you should have seen these sari sacks at the airport lounge yesterday, just bloodshot eyes, shoving carbs into our face. I looked over at Joe. He had nine pieces of Texas toast

sized French toast. He was just sadly eating it. But here's the thing. I've been meaning to ask. I want to ask a larger crowd. So we'll start with Matthew, Sydney, and Skid. I'm interested to hear people's opinions on this. So we had the same flight yesterday.

I woke up at 5.30 a.m. Vegas time because I had vodka pumping through my left ventricle, and I thought I was going to die. So I'm like, time to get up. And I showered, and I packed, and all the while he was sleeping. And by this point, it's like 7. I'm like, you know what?

I'm just going to take my bags, go downstairs, and maybe gamble a little bit. So I went down there, put $100 in the Wheel of Fortune slot machine, and won, a little bit. So I went down there, put a hundred bucks in the Wheel of Fortune slot machine and won. Won some money. And then I left to go to the airport. He shows up at the Centurion Lounge like an hour later and looks at me

like I'm the craziest person in the world because I didn't wake him up and take him to the airport with me and he called me a sociopath. Do you think that was sociopathic behavior? Okay, wait. All right, hold on, hold on.

Hold on. And now my side of the story. I told the true story. You left out a few details. This began with Troy saying, I booked this flight to Vegas. You should get on the same flight. Like, okay, he sends me all the info.

I book the same flight. We go out the night before. Fall asleep. I wake up in the morning. He's gone. I have no idea where he is. Not a text message. It's like, I headed off to the airport.

Nothing. I was like, this psychopath. We're on the same flight out together. And he just left for the airport. Not even waiting to see me. I oversleep and miss the flight. All right, now, is that normal behavior? Troy is currently checking to see if he sent you a text,

and his facial expression says he did not. I have a text here. I can't read all of it. But I did say, see you in the Centurion Lounge. At what time? At what time? 11.21 a.m.

You could have said that to his face before you left. So he said to me while we were in the lounge, he's like, what would you have me do? Yeah. And I literally pushed my roller suitcase as a prop.

I went, I'd go like this. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. I'm off to the airport. Would you like to come or did you want to sleep in? It's as simple as that. I would have to wait 25 minutes while you showered and packed. You could go lose the money you just won.

Yeah. Also, you could have lied. Joe was probably dead asleep and you could have said, oh, buddy, I tried to wake you. That's true. I tried. That's true. I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that.

We're not all as born deceptive as Sidney. That's true. We're not all as born deceptive as Sidney. There is a small sociopathic part of me that was hoping you would oversleep and miss the flight because it would be a funny story later. But that's it. That's where I draw the line. Everything you do is in service of this show.

We know that. Things I do. My sociopathy only is for entertainment purposes. I'm normal. It's fine. I can stop Things I do. My sociopathy only is for entertainment purposes. I'm normal. It's fine. I can stop whenever I want. That's right. How are you doing tonight, Matthew?

You look like you lost some weight. I had food poisoning this week. But thank you. Sweet, dude. That's the best way to drop some LBs. Really fast. Order some Poland Springs from Puerto Vallarta. No, what did you eat that...

I don't know. Come on. Take a guess. I don't know. You know what you ate. We had burgers the night before, but I didn't feel... You know when you get food poisoning? Meat burgers?

What did you just say? No, Beyond Burgers. Beyond, yeah. And Matthew made them. He made them himself. Okay, so you had vegetables. Just call them vegetables. That's what you had vegetables. Just call them vegetables. That's what you had.

You had vegetables and bread. I had pea protein coagulated with certain other products to make the shape of a patty. You deserve to get sick. That's how you lose weight. You have a fake meat burger, and then get vomit for 36 hours three days how long did it last was it a 24-hour thing 36 I mean I was laid out for like 20 like for 48 hours oh yeah no I was like I was

having fever dreams I tell it's good today I had like those I was like sleeping in like 25 to 30 minute increments and like 102 degree fever and I like at one point I had a dream where I found out that someone was trying to kill me and then I spent the rest of the night trying to get back to that dream

because if I knew who was trying to because I needed to find out who and then I would be cured I love fever logic it's great I've had those, I've had like the food poisoning where I wake up to myself talking to characters in a book I'm reading.

Like, out loud. And I'm like, oh my God, I should probably see a doctor. Well, I'm glad you're feeling better and you could make the show. Maybe I need a little food poisoning after this weekend. Would do you good. Why don't you send me one of those homemade burgers? They sound five star. Sending it via the U.S. Postal Service only makes it better.

Yeah, send us some of those pea syrup patties. They sound great. Leave them out on my porch for a couple days and then dry them up real good. They call that dry aging. Yes. Have you tried the Capitacasa dry-aged pea protein burger? They're horrible. Sydney, correct me if I'm wrong.

This is your first time ever allowed in the state of Massachusetts. They let me back, baby. Sydney! No, have you... Don't tell my parole officer I'm here. He's right there. All of you, don't tell him I'm here. What's your experience with Boston?

Have you had a lot of Boston experience? You're such a shit. For listeners who know, I lived in Salem, Massachusetts for two years. She's a witch, tell her. Witch, she's a witch. Would she like to live deliciously? They don't do that anymore.

They corrected that. Make an exception. No, I love Salem. I love Boston. I've got tons of friends in Boston. Spent a lot of time here. I love Back Bay. I love JP. I love Cambridge. I can say names of neighborhoods too.

Anyone can rattle off any neighborhood names from Google. We've got a list right there on our news. You're a witch! Burn her! But I love the North Shore, and I have an affinity for Salem. I know, I'm sorry. I've got an affinity for Salem. Are there any neighborhoods left that you don't know? No, I mean... What about the Berkshires?

I lived in Salem, but you know, I go to Beverly and I know Danvers well, so I'm... Oh, she's still going. So many neighborhood names. Let me think of a few more. I told her about Danvers for the first time 20 minutes ago. Well, let's see. There's Lynn, Massachusetts. Wow.

You guys like Cape Cod? That's here, too. No, but I love Boston a lot. It's fun to be back. I haven't been back in a while, partly due to that weird pandemic that was going on. And it's still going on. Don't tell anybody. Hey. But it's good to be back.

And it's great to be back before the winter. Because that's rough here. You mean when it gets even better? Oh, interesting. All right. You don't like sledding and snowball fights? No.

All right, fine. Now, Skid, you're in Massachusetts all the time. You have a place down the Cape. You're always down here. This is like a second home

for you. Yes, I've come UMass forever. I've gone to college here. I love it here. And I'm super happy tonight because in fact, my friend Joanna is here somewhere. She was my Aunt Bennett's best friend forever. I've talked about Bennett on the show like many times. She was like

a second mom to me and my sister. And I've joanna since like 1980 probably so and she has no idea of what this is oh she does not understand any of this you didn't give her anything listen she said she was listening she looked into it i don't think she actually listened to it she checked out the website that's what she said so she doesn't understand what any of this is but i think but she is one of the best people in the world. She is a blast all the time. And Bennett never actually got to see any of this happen. So this is the next best thing for me.

So I'm very, very, very happy. That's great. Always happy to be back. I grew up here and no one came to see me. Did you ask them? I don't know. I mean, his brother, his own... He never comes.

He never comes. We were like, Harpoon sponsored the show. Harpoon, look at this. We got Harpoon Hazelnut. Harpoon Copy Rule. Sponsored the show. Pumpkin. Boat.

Cold brew. Little session if you just need to keep it together during a live show. I text this asshole three hours ago. I said, hey, if your night frees up, we go live at 8. Harpoon gave us six cases of beer so I can give you some to take home. Plan on falling asleep on my couch by 8, but I really appreciate it. Wouldn't even take the free beer. That's how uninterested.

That's your younger brother? Yep. 12 years apart. He was a mistake, and I told him. My mom would say, don't say that. He's not here. He's not here, Joe. It doesn't matter. Where are you? Can't defend yourself. Mistake. Tyler is though,

because he was living in New York for a while, and we did see him a lot at that point. And I had one of the best days of my life with Tyler. It was the day that FX was doing the Every Simpsons Ever marathon. They just started it. And we're both, he's the other huge Simpsons fans. Me, him, and Matt Ambrosia are the three biggest Simpsons fans that I know. I was like, let's just watch Sim huge Simpsons fans. Like me, him and Matt Ambrosia are like the three biggest

Simpsons fans that I know. I was like, let's just watch Simpsons all day. He's like, yeah, come over to my house. And we just hung out at my house like watching Simpsons the entire day. It's one of the best days of my life. He still talks about that. I bet you if you were doing a podcast here talking about Simpsons, he would have made the drive.

That's what you had to say. And you, you big piece of shit. We have not left each other's side. I know, it's too long. Barely. In a long time. Since Thursday,

like 1.30, 2 o'clock in the afternoon, we met up in Vegas, and we have just been basically inseparable. Within six feet of each other for the last 72 hours plus. I don't want to see you after today. We need a break

until the New York show. Yeah. Next year. We sang We sang? spontaneously while watching football in the background,

was the Beatles' Here Comes the Sun. And if you know it, the refrain goes, Here comes the sun. Completely separately, both of us went, Scooby-Dooby-Doo. At the same exact time.

And the three of them were like... All three of them were there, and we looked at each other, and we were like, We need a break. Scooby-Dooby-Doo. Scooby-Dooby. Alright.

Should we play some Pathfinder? Yeah. Nah, man. I'm tired. I just want to talk. We never talk. The five of us never talk anymore. No, we should play a little Pathfinder Do you have any good music To set the tone Something Boston-y

Here comes the sun To me, to me How about some Aerosmith Yeah, some Aerosmith recap music They really like Aerosmith At sports bars in Boston, it turns out. We're heroes. A real tower on a boat. That's actually pretty good.

That was really good. That was good. God, licensing kills everything. I know. We're going to get a hit on YouTube now. It's worth it there's an extra 25 minutes of work

you know what I am I'm sorry I'm totally fine we're sharing profits with Natalie Imbruglia I wish she's earned it

yeah that's a cover too she shouldn't get all that money because she didn't write that song that's true who wrote it

I don't know somebody else Matthew's on it. You'll find out, yeah. When I was at college at BC, that's how you do it, Sidney. It seems more genuine when it comes from true.

Like a humble brag? What was that? Well, it's conversational. You've worked it in. Tell the story. No, no. Let's see if it's conversational. You've worked it in. Tell the story. Let's see if it's conversational. Tell the story. Go ahead.

My junior and senior roommate, direct roommate, Charlie and I, we like to listen to... Oh, Charlie. Oh, I can look up names in a baby book, too. Where's Charlie tonight, Troy? We liked having music on or the TV on as we went to bed. And oftentimes, Natalie and Brugli as Torn was our go-to album. It was written and performed by the band Edna Swap. There you go.

I am also fine with sharing profits with Edna Swap. I'm fine with that. Because Lord knows they've earned it. And need it. We're going to listen to that tonight in the hotel. You'll see. It'll put you right to sleep. I don't hate Natalie Ambruglia. I'm down.

Give me some good cat music. Some cat mew. I'll set a dark tone. My lips have never been drier than they are right now. I think they're bleeding. They I think they're bleeding. They feel like they're bleeding.

I look like a hooker clown. If I had a nickel. If I had a nickel. I need to roll initiative for the hooker clown. All right, anyways, recap. This is pretty good recap music. Our heroes are actually in the middle of a long boat journey down the Selen River. They are following a man named Count Hazerton Laos IV,

who they believe has traveled far away to the south in search of a book called The Necronomicon, which will lead him to a lost city where allegedly three monuments exist that were placed in the world millennia ago by ancient alien beings to provide a gateway between this world and theirs. Why? You don't know yet.

How? They just placed him there. Flying polyps. When? When? Millenn him there. Flying polyps. When? When? Millennia ago. Oh, right. And why?

You need to do your homework. Back to Google. Don't Google. No Google. It's like, read book five of Strange Aeons. Wait, I know how to do this. Troy, I looked it up. Please don't.

At the bottom, the copyright will be book four of Strange Ions. You'll be ahead. Our heroes now know that in order to obtain the location of this book, the Count had to enact these certain rituals to enter the dimension of dreams over and over again until he could gain an audience with a man known as the Mad Poet. And the Mad Poet told him the location of the Necronomicon and who knows what else. So you'd like a chat with the Mad Poet himself.

So you have been traveling the dreamlands seeking gifts to present to him so you can find out what's going on with Liles. You now have three of the seven gifts. But meanwhile, back in the real world, your boat journey has been fraught with danger as of late. A stop in the fanatical religious nation of Razmir and almost left you for dead when one of their faith barges

tried to capsize your boat and enslave the strongest among you. And more recently, you were almost duped into helping four lost fisher folk whose boat was apparently going down until they attacked you, screaming payans to the water rat, a forbidden god in these lands known as Hansper. Because of all the people you have been taking aboard your ship as you've been going along this journey, you now must stop at the port city of Riverton, just on the edge of the river kingdoms, to resupply.

But it is a city full of these faux fishermen, these other Hansper worshippers, and try to avoid any trouble so you can get the F out before sundown. To make matters worse, Sir Julie and Atticus perished last time during your journey to the dreamlands and awoke with a madness

touched in the real world. Sir Julie is unfathomably sad, forced to look for joy by getting Eiffel Towered by the two elderly scholars on board. You should have seen the role my armor played in that.

So far, she is still quite sad. They tried their best. And they will no doubt keep trying. And Atticus has been plagued with an unknown delusion, unknown to the other players at the table except for Joe. But it's left him snippy and a bit weirder than usual. So Skywin, with Riverton in the distance, rows a small little dinghy with the four of you to shore.

Exits the boat. And as you're standing there, a wide-eyed elf in patchwork robes and spiked muddy hair steps down the dock toward you, looking down on you. He has several women behind him walking in procession. And he looks at you, and he raises his hands to the sky. Do you have any questions before we begin today's Glass Cannon Live, Boston? Did we have...

We had an opportunity to heal up all of our damage before we did this? Yes. Okay. Now, that may have meant you had to expel some spell slots, but I'm sure you guys have been emailing each other ever since last Thursday. For sure. To make sure you did this exactly by the book. Yep.

While also talking about all the loot you've gathered and how you're going to split up that money to buy things. Like a real adventuring party. Any other questions? From the mad side of the table? No. Okay. I am very excited, though.

I'm very excited to do this. This is very fun for maybe obvious reasons. I like playing games like this. With... Very excited, yes. Yeah. I concur, Joe. Well, I've said it before. Sydney, I don't know if you've heard it before,

but I feel like playing at the Paradise is like playing in our old living room. We've been here so much. We've been here so many times. It's such a comfortable feeling. So yes, I'm in. Matthew, are you enjoying yourself? It's such a comfortable feeling. So yes, I'm in. Matthew? Are you enjoying yourself?

Don't feel any pressure to say that you are. I also enjoy playing, and I also am capable of pandering, and I also enjoy playing at the Paradise. Let me tell you something about this harpoon pumpkin ale. Look at this. How delicious is this harpoon pumpkin ale. Look at this. How delicious is this harpoon beer that we're drinking up here on stage? A couple more sips of this, and I won't have the shakes anymore. No, I'll still have the shakes.

All right. Shoots his hands into the air, and he says, The water rat delivers! Oh, no. Oh, shit. Oh, it's gonna be a long night. The water rat delivers! Oh, no.

But in his own time! It's Fred Schneider from the B-52s. Not who I expected to run into tonight. He looks at you wide-eyed. I have seen you in murky reflections and I would impart

handspurs, sodden wisdom to you with private words. Come, let us speak of strange dreams, red sails, and dead fisherfolk. Oh. You already know.

He knows about the dead fisherfolk. He might not know. They can lie. Don't say anything. Oh, no, he may know the fisherfolk are dead, which is quite true. Fisherfolk die all the time, as we will all die. Sir Julie, please. Sir Julie.

Sir Julie, please, for a moment. I'm sorry. Hold your tongues. Yes, we came across a rather unfortunate boat. Yes, we came across a rather unfortunate boat. It seems the skipper and all of his men perished near to shore here. Do you know of this tragedy? There have been many tragedies like this as of late.

This guy knows what it's about four members of our community ex-members I should say have been attacking ships in the area I had intended to exile them as their attacks had been impacting trade in this town I would be glad if they were slain or driven away perhaps Hansper has granted us this deed. All hail the water

rat. And all the women say, all hail the water rat. Oh, this is creeping me out. Stop. The voices are coming from everywhere. Boston, calm down. You're freaking skid out. What is your name, sir?

My name is Nyrell Twiceborn. Brother Nyrell Twiceborn. May I call you Brother Nyrell Twiceborn? You may. May I have your name, young lady? That raised my spirits just a tad. My name is Sir Julie Andrews. A knight? To who do you

pray, Sir Julie Andrews? I have recently discovered that prayer might be meaningless, my friend. And no matter what we say to any god, oblivion waits for us all.

See, I told you he could carry this on for several episodes. Big thumbs up from Ave. Good line. These are distressing words, Sir Knight. But perhaps your soul is ready to take a new guard. You should wait until our ceremony that happens at sundown and you will see the glory of Hansper for yourself. All hail the water rat. All hail the water rat.

God damn it. I hate that. And you, young traveler, what's your name? I am Atticus Grimm. Why is it they call you twice born? Because I've been born again. Born again without sin.

Believing in Hansper. He has saved me from being drowned. And I am born again. For you see, I do not preside over this humble community of Riverton. Don't be fooled by what they tell you. I am not the leader here. We pay homage to our true leader. The one who shall light the way for all of us

The almighty Hansper All hail the water rat All hail the water rat You're a rat That's undeniable Perhaps you are a sign from Hansper himself Take off your clothes and bathe in the waters of the cellar.

He starts to unbutton. Yes! My brothers and sisters! Uh, can we simply not dock in Riverton? We have trade to be done. What is your name, young traveler? Uh...

Ave Maria. Maria. Miss, Miss Maria. You can refer to me as Miss Maria. Miss Maria. Where you from, Miss Maria. You can refer to me as Miss Maria. Miss Maria. Where you from, Miss Maria? Where you from? Far away.

Look it up. From... I'm from further up the Salon River, but it's unimportant. I'm on the road. Isn't it? No, it is not, Atticus. Where you're from.

Is not important for the current conversation, Atticus. What are you doing? He's half naked. Seriously? I'm getting ready for a bath. He was like walking into the river and he turned back. He's like, isn't it? He's bought in.

He's bought in already. In the bigger picture. What are you doing? I'm cleansing myself. Be not too greedy Your time will come There are ladies present Many women are present, Atticus Yes, many women have given their souls over to Hansper

And perhaps in your travels You have been brought here for a reason as well and you will embrace Hansper in your heart as well Miss Maria from far away. May I have something

to do which keeps me busy until later when you have... You said at night, did you, for the ritual? Sundown. Sundown, before night, if you will. Dusk, if you will.

Sure. So probably I'll be busy until then, but perhaps afterward, if I'm not busy I could stop by. I stopped listening. Literally no one knows what you said. Early in your meandering.

Skid's friend Joe has no idea what you just said. Perfect. Do not worry. No amount of words can fill the void. It will come for us all. Keep your heart open, Miss Maria. There may be room for you in my

retinue of followers. Alright. She's not making eye contact. What are the qualifications for joining your retinue? You will find out in due time, Sir Knight. Perhaps you will take a knee to handspur, and there could be room for someone of your age in my retinue as well.

I have taken knees several times in the past few days. And let me tell you, my friend. And let me tell you, my friend. They will lift your spirits just a little But not for very long We'll get back to you And you, sir, what is your name? Oh, uh, Aldo Uh, just Aldo

Hello? I like you Straight and to the point I like you as well I love your In your face Sort of method of worship And convincing people to worship What you're worshipping

I'm a huge admirer Admira Admira So far There is only one way to give yourselves over I'm a huge admirer. Admirer. Admirer. So far. There is only one way to give yourselves over, and that's by giving your whole self, your body, your mind, your soul, and even your life to Hansper. Fact is, I've already seen the full view in my dreams.

We can discuss that later. No. We'll discuss it now, Sir Julie. Get off your knees and listen. For once in your life. For once in your life.

Just before midnight many nights ago, was it two weeks? Maybe three. A red-sailed ship came here to Riverton. Its captain looked like a man dressed in thick clothing, but I tell you this, he was no natural man. Although I cannot say what about him caused such unease when I looked at him. about him caused such unease when I looked at him. He passed me a large ruby

and asked whether any travelers matching your exact description had been here in Riverton. I swore by my drowned soul that no such visitors had arrived and that his ruby was ill spent but the captain merely chuckled and gestured for me to

keep the gem and what happened next haunts me to this very moment for the chuckling that came out of this man continued but the captain's mouth no longer moved i soon realized it was not the captain chuckling, but the ship itself. The laughter was coming from the ship. As strange as that may seem, the vessel looked to be of ordinary wooden cloth and iron, but there was something sinister and alive about it, Miss Maria. You will not eat until the ceremony begins. Sorry, the rations were low on the ship.

I just... sorry. I listened to that boat laugh, and I walked away. I had nothing more to add, so I left them at the pier. By morning the red-sailed ship, its crew and its captain were gone. But I've seen you in my dreams ever since and now you are here and now that you are here I must ask who was that man and what was that man? And what was that ship? It has gnawed at my very mind ever since. Like a rat gnaws a bone. You know about that, don't you?

He's currently gnawing a bone naked in the water. In the water? Head snaps up. And I will... Wait, do we know... First of all, Where is the captain Sky went with us

Did she leave Sky went while you were talking She was just That's what I was hoping She slowly left So did she leave Did she go into Riverton Yeah I would say at some point in the conversation

She felt like this was safe And was like we're on a clock here. Seems perfectly safe. And she's like, I'll be right back. Oh, so we're docked. Yeah, we're docked and we are buying time. Gotcha. You want to see a map here?

Yes! Oh my god, yes. Let's take it to the map. Take it to the john? Take it to the map. Oh wow, we're on shore, actually. We're on the beach. Should we take it to the john? Take it to the map. Oh, wow, we're on shore, actually. We're on the beach. Yeah, so there's the Selwyn Starling. And obviously new maps by our good buddy Dave M.

Yes, Dave M. He spent such time making these maps that I put an equal amount of time into finding these pawns for the women that are all identical. Yep. Perfect. You wouldn't want to take something too ostentatious and put it on there.

You want to draw attention away from the map itself. And you definitely did a good job of not making them look awkwardly squeezed into their aspect ratio. So, thanks for that extra bit of effort. Dedication to the craft and our good friend Angeline made a new pawn for Ave Maria!

Oh! How cool is that? That is amazing. This is too freaking cool. That is beautiful. That's amazing. Thank you so much, Angeline. And the posters for the show

also feature Ave, which is my first time that my character's on a poster. It's so freaking cool! Angeline is amazing. Angeline works so fast, and the product is so good. It's also a very big day, the first day you have a character of yours on a poster. It's so special.

It feels amazing. It's huge. No one ever forgets their first pawn. Yeah. So there's the map, and so you see you took this little dinghy, and Skywin was like, peace. All right. But so he asked you, you know, I'll pay for whatever knowledge you have.

Oh, he didn't say this yet. He's like, I will pay for whatever knowledge you have. And he reaches into his, like, shitty robes and pulls out a glittering ruby the size of, like, a child's fist. Oh. And he holds it out to you. I will pay for whatever knowledge you have. Who was this man? And who was this ship?

Do we know? Like, is this somebody that's obvious? Like, the red sail, somebody who knew us, did we fight somebody on the river like that? Or am I... We didn't, right? Like, we don't know who this is that's hunting us? Does anyone remember anything? No. I don't think I was even there. You're the GM.

Your job is to tell us what we don't remember. Your job is to take notes. You did not fight any ship. But we saw a ship with red sails that vanished into the mist. It was like following us. Looks like someone remembers all of a sudden. I just needed that extra. We saw it, but we didn't fight it.

Were they following us or were they ahead of us? It was behind you. It was behind us. Yeah, and you haven't spent any significant time in any of these settlements. A ship of what looked to be of a larger size than yours,

you would think you would have seen it. You described this creature when you spoke of it as being simply clad in heavy clothes, but you spoke with it. You have no further details.

Was it human? A man? A man. Was it an elf? Was it a creature that is recognizable at all? His features were hidden to me. Could it have been two children standing on top of their shoulders

wearing a trench coat? I wouldn't rule that out. But truth be told, it appeared to be a man. It wasn't the man that put me at so much unease

so much as that ship. Well, we did see a ship. And it was big as a whale and it had some red sails! So you do know of this ship? Yes, but it doesn't make any sense. It was following us quite long ago in the north. If it was here first, it must have sailed past us and then began to follow us.

I'm going to ask you a direct question. I'll give you a direct answer. What have you done to have someone be following you? No one has just followed for following's sake. I can give you the truth. You are followed by five people. Will you get off your knees? Yes.

So, Julie, this is not the time or place. I was just observing that he, our friend, the brother here, is also followed by five people for no apparent reason. But not... Would you stop distracting everyone? Just stay on topic for one moment. They're my wives. The truth.

What are their names? Don't worry about it Once you accept Hansper into your heart You give up your names You just have numbers But you have a name They all look the same Quiet six Oh I'm one of them

Excuse me Why My name. Excuse me. Why, my name is, excuse me. My name is Sarah. And my name is Sarah. I'm also Sarah. Are you role-playing the women? I'm the women.

I'm Sarah. Did you just take control of five of Troy's NPCs? Wow. That is quite bold. That's such a power move. She's new here. Quite bold. Bottlecap. Bottlecap.

Bottlecap. Thanks, Troy. What were we talking about? You asked me a direct question I'm giving you a direct answer What was it? We were in the service of Count Hasserton Lowles

Do you know the name? I do not The details of our service is even unknown to us as we suffer from some sort of amnesia Those who follow us we believe they follow us for this reason. That we serve the Count.

The Count passed through these paths some months ago, and we are following in his trail. He never stopped here. No, I don't remember seeing anyone who introduced themselves as a Count. What did he look like? A man. Rather handsome. Black hair.

Dark features and eyes. Never seen him. You've never seen a... You've never seen a man with dark hair. Handsome. Very quick to judge, sir. Didn't seem to think for a moment. It's as if you know where this story is going already.

A count, you say? A count from the north. Thrushmore, to be exact. Do you know of that? I have heard of Thrushmore, but they do not embrace handspare like we do. So we do not spend time there with those heathens looks at Ave Maria is it exhausting for you

speaking like this constantly never stopping preaching preaching do you ever speak normally I am not preaching Atticus I am doing nothing but speaking the truth a truth that you yourself will learn should you stick around till dusk.

Mr. Nyrell, clearly we don't have the information to afford your ruby prize, but perhaps you can indulge us in more information on the ship that you saw. You said it had red sails. Yes. Was there any insignia

or name on the ship? I saw nothing of the kind other than the fact that I'm Was there any insignia or name on the ship? I saw nothing of the kind, other than the fact that I'm pretty sure it was laughing. Is that not enough of a unique thing about that boat? Well, you said the boat left, so no, not really. It did. Perhaps the Count is after you for something you did. Are you fugitives here in my town?

As I said, we very well may be. We suffer from amnesia. We don't know our own actions. We could have done horrible things. Terrible things. All the more reason to be cleansed in the cell and I do hope

you'll stay for our ceremony. Unfortunately, we must be getting back directly. Once our captain has resupplied us, we will be on our way. Your captain, the little halfling that ran off when we started talking? Well, you say ran off, I say resupply. It is a simple... a ship has needs, as you know Now please, is there anything else Or should we, or should you be on your way? Are you the Coast Guard? No, I'm glad we have had this time to talk And I do hope that your journey here

Keeps you until sundown So that you may see Hansper's light for yourself. In the meantime, I appreciate you and you and you and even you. Take this as a token of our friendship. And he throws the ruby to you. Wow.

Wow. That is very suspicious. Yeah, I don't like that. It is more... Sense motive. Worthy in your hands than it is in mine. Sense motive. There is no sense motive anymore.

Well, there's perception, which can function as sense motive. Right. Why is it that you give it away so easily? You offer it to me freely. You offer it to me freely. You offer it to me freely. 25 for Atticus on perception towards sensing a motive. 26 for Sir Julie.

24 for Avi. Better than me. Both of you two, while you're also suffering from madness and a little not all there, get the sense that he did give this away a little too freely. Almost like he wants to be rid of it.

Yeah. We can check it out. Yeah, Atticus is like, We thank you for your generosity. It is above and beyond. The people of this city will be well spoken of as we continue our journey

I thank you I thank you half moist rat your your sojourn here is a gift from Hansburg himself I will now go and have sex with my wives.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, and Sarah. Yes, as we do before the festivities commence. It will not bring you the respite you seek. He just looks at you.

Enjoy your time here in Riverton, my children. And may the water rat bless you on your journey down his river. All hail the water rat. All hail the water rat. Goodbye. He sticks his hands in his robe. And he walks with his wives.

One, two, three, four, and five. Off in the direction of town. And the four of you are left there on shore with this strange red ruby. Atticus will... He looks down at it. Shining it in the light different angles and he'll start with a detect magic on it

you don't really detect any magic he throws it in the river worthless junk you see it plop and then you look down at your hand and it's there again any match. He throws it in the river. Worthless junk. You see it plop, and then you look down at your hand, and it's there again. This is a synthetic ruby brought here from some time traveler in the future.

Oh, man! That is an old joke. Ah, that's the old school spirit. Matthew, well done. I have some in my bag. It is, as you examine it, strangely flawless for a rupee. Yes. Yes, a synthetic.

He speeds in. Atticus, there is no magic emanating from it. I sense no dark purpose other than that it is almost too perfect. Could I roll a nature check on it? Yeah, how about... Yeah, do nature. 22. It doesn't appear to be from here.

Okay. I know it. Matthew knows what this is. Can I? Really? I know exactly what this is, but Sir Julie probably doesn't. Can I roll it? What's planes in Tui? Probably Arcana is roped in, isn't it?

Yeah. It could be Arcana. It could be occultism. You know, whatever. Could I roll religion to determine if I would recognize the origin of this? Yeah, try it. 26. No.

26, yeah. 26. It doesn't appear to have any religious significance. Well, you just told us. Let me specify. You just told us it doesn't appear to be from here. Can I use my knowledge of fighting

a holy war on the world wound to perhaps detect the plane of its origin? Sure. Just to give you some more knowledge. I mean, the four of you are pretty smart. I want to do an Arcana check. Yeah, I can do Arcana. So as Sir Julie is holding it,

you two knuckleheads come over and do an Arcana check. Yeah, I could do Arcana. So as Sir Julie is holding it, you two knuckleheads come over and do an Arcana check. 29. 29. I'm going to write down my guess in a note, and I will reveal it after we know things. It is a Lang Ruby. Oh, my God. Joe, please read the note that I just typed out. Leng.

Bottlecap. Big bottlecap. So if I read the module, do I also get a bottle cap? How do you know about a Lang Ruby? Because I've played Pathfinder before, bro. And I've read my Lovecraftian horror. Okay. A Lang Ruby. What does it mean, Sir Julian?

You know so much about it, clearly. Tell us. I am channeling knowledge from another source, but laying rubies can be used to execute intraplanar travel. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. They can power engines that travel between the worlds.

Alex's eyes light up. What H.P. Lovecraft book is that from? I don't remember. Is it from? the worlds. Atticus's eyes light up. What H.P. Lovecraft book is that from? I don't remember. Is it from? I don't know. I ran a Pathfinder module for some of our subscribers that

you use a pirate ship powered by a Langruby to go to Lang. That's really cool. That's why we get up in the morning. Everybody roll a perception check. Oh boy. Damn. With a side of chips.

Fifteen. Nineteen. Natural four. Natural four. Sydney. Twenty-one. Ald four. Yeah. Sydney? 21. 21. Aldo Kazimir.

26. Okay. Aldo, as you're standing there on the shore, admiring this ruby, and Sir Julie kind of conferring with you in particular that this is a Leng ruby, non-magical, harmless, but strange. You hear something from above.

And you look to the south and your eyes follow up a tree as you see coming out of what looks like maybe some sort of makeshift nest up there, a six-legged green scaled

dragon-like creature. And it fucking swoops down and lets out a large scream. Roll for initiative. Oh, scream. Roll for initiative. Oh, no! Roll for initiative!

Oh, my God. Here we go, Beantown! Oh, Beantown! Little dragon-y type fight. Sir Julie, I'm Drew. Do you want me to re-roll or use our perception roll? What? Do you want a new perception roll or is that our initiative?

That would be fun. Yeah, use your shitty perception roll. Damn it. Yeah, thank you. Damn it. And thank you for being honest. You guys all have bottle caps, hero points. You could re-roll initiative if you wanted to.

I would allow that. 19 for Sir Julie. 19 for Sir Julie. Atticus. 36. You could re-roll initiative if you wanted to. I would allow that. 19 for Sergile. 19 for Sergile! Atticus? 36. So you re-roll. Oh, wow. Liar! No, I know. I got a 15. 15, terrible. Ave Maria, you rolled a 21. But with my keen eyes,

it's a plus 2. Not that good, but cool. I used to have keen eyes. What happened? Aldo, what did you roll? 26. Let's go. Well.

All right. The big Aldo fan over there. A lot of support here in Beantown for old Aldo. Aldo Kazimir. All right. By the way, this last couple weeks, I came up with a whole backstory thing for Aldo. It'll probably never come out, but I'm so excited about it.

I hope he lives long enough. Dude, we've got to talk. We're playing this game every week now. I know. Get it in. Okay. We'll start now. I'll start sharing during the fight.

I'll start, like, yeah. Also, for those of you that don't know us that well, that's Skid's passive-aggressive way of telling Troy he's not allowed to kill him tonight. That's how he sends the message. Yeah, Joanna, that was... Yeah, that's how he does it. Yeah, we will be live on Twitch the next three Thursdays,

continuing today's show. So please join us. And then if you want to stoop your way over to New York in October, we'll be playing in that inferior city as well. But we'll all be in costume. Can't wait for that one. So excited. This is what this creature looks like.

Shaboom! Oh! Aldo, you got the jump as you see it coming down. What do you do? Did you say dragon-like creature? That's a dragon. It's a dragon. All dragons have six legs, bro?

No. Thought. Also looks like it has a weird buck tooth. Tooth. Oh, look how cute you are. Oh, guys. All right. Watch out for my breath weapon. It recharges everyone before round.

Everyone before round. We should not kill this animal. It's so sad. I was just coming to give you all a hug. Don't kill it. Aldo, you're up. God, the artist, if they were listening to this, would be so angry.

So angry. All right, Aldo, Kazuma, what have you? I'm going to do... Look out, a wood dragon! Can I do a quick... He's a little bit far away from you, obviously, because he's up and he's swooping down. But do you want to do a knowledge check?

Yes, I'd like to do an Arcana check. Yeah! Oh, man! Natty's 16. Oh, that's going to be 16. That is a 34. 34. Let's go. This is a creature known as a Dracolisk. Oh, interesting.

Is that the child of a Drake and a Basilisk? That's pretty smart. It's actually descended from Basilisks and black dragons. You're on fire tonight, dude. Yeah. Also, is everyone aware what happens when you fight basilisks?

Don't worry about it, Joe. Because I'm going to quit tonight. Let it ski. Yeah, it's been a long time. It's time for Nerd Age. Old metagame, Joe. Oh, no.

Sydney, do you know? Of course I know. Everybody look straight in the eyes until you see the whites of their eyes and just wait for it to come. I got this. I quit. I look at it in the eyes. Canonically.

Here I go. So with my second action. So what do I know? What do I know about this? Do we know? We don't want a metagame, but would we know? You rolled very high. Yeah. All right, here's what I will tell you.

Oh, man, it's so bad. You're not going to like this. You're not going to like it. All right, so... It's fucking hot. As a reaction, you can do it once per turn. Okay. It can do something called Petrifying Glance.

Okay. Jesus goddamn right. And that's a creature within 30 feet that the Draculis can see starts its turn. Okay? Okay. And then you've got to roll against its Petrifying Glance. Now, there's an action you can take in Pathfinder. You can take the action to avert your eyes.

But, you know, basically, you have this information. It's not within 30 feet of you. You can tell your friends, but if they don't go before the Draculisk, they're not going to be able to take that action to avert their eyes. Right, right.

All right, so with my second action, I'm going to shout out it's just like, don't mean it's guys! It'll turn you to stone! It's a Draculisk! And with my third action, I'm going to avert my gaze. Why couldn't we

take the action? He just told us. Right, if you act before the Draculisk, you sure can. Right, but it's a reaction when we start our turn. It gives you a plus two to your reaction to Bird Case. Oh, because he can do it before our turn even starts. Right. Is that your turn?

That's my whole turn. The reason I say that is it's its turn. I knew the reason you said it. I was trying to argue for why. Here I come! I've been looking for some new friends to play with. He swoops down and unleashes a breath weapon. Oh, no!

30-foot cone of nonsense. 30? Yep. No. Everybody give me a fortitude save. A fortitude? Not reflex? Nope.

You should read the rules of your monsters. This was written by the author. rules of your monsters. This was written by the author. He adapted this specifically for the show. Would everybody roll? Would you roll?

Sir Julian. 29. Pretty good. Pretty good. What about... I detect from your tone that it might not be good enough. That's pretty good. You should be proud of yourself for that roll. We'll hang it on the fridge when we get back to Queens.

That roll. What about you, Atticus? 23. 23. Collective groan from the audience. For those listening at home. All hail the water rats. What about...

Stop! Stop doing that! That's the thing. They're gone. They're really scaring me. They're not just being funny anymore. Some of them are going, all hail the water rats. It's real droney and scary.

They're buying into this worship. You're part of it. You don't even know what the water rat's like. Yeah, you don't know the tenets of this religion or anything. Well, you should know before you jump into it. No, he's got a point. You know what? You weren't raised in the

water rat church. Ave Maria, what did you roll for your fortitude save? Also a 29. Also a 29. Pretty good. Not bad. She's got a cocky look in her eye. Oh, no.

I detect we didn't do well enough. No, it's not good. It can't be DC 30. Can't? This is crazy. Dare I say. What about Aldo Kazan? Well, we'll find out. can't be DC 30. Can't. This is crazy. Dare I say. What about Aldo Kazan? Well, we'll find out.

I actually got a 30. 30. It's a smart lie. Nanny 16. Thank you. You failed. And we'll take 41 points. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Of poison damage. Oh my god. Oh my god. Of poison damage. Poison damage. Poison breath weapon? Yup. You all take 20 points of poison damage. 6d10.

Oh wow. You rolled incredibly well. Yes. Wow. That, shit, is its turn. Now. Ave! Save us!

Ave Maria. Maria! Shoot. Uh, shoot You are starting your turn I'm naming my character after a song I want people to sing after my We're starting your turn Within 30 feet Of this creature

Yeah, god damn it Should I heal or, I mean you were the only one we all got hurt a little bit but you got hurt a lot of it how hurt are you you're right there too like i know i should just attack yeah well i think my reaction is going to happen first and so i need a fortitude set no no no you can't do it i didn't do anything that do anything. That's so messed up. I know. Reaction to what? Because you're looking at it. Oh, no.

But I'm not. Yeah, Sid, it's that thing where somebody's like, don't look at that. And you just like immediately look like, at what? And you look at it for that second. Can I not take a single action? Unfortunately, no. But this reaction is now used up So even though you'll die Your friends can tell your story

Alright well fortitude save Maybe I won't die Let's see Maybe you won't Hero point Bottle cap I do have a hero point You call them bottle caps here at the network?

Hero point Bottle cap This is the kind of thing you use it on Green tie Do you call them bottle caps here at the network? Hero point. Bottle cap. Taking that away. This is the kind of thing you use it on. Green tie. Let's see. Fuck! I rolled the same thing! No!

The same exact number. That is my favorite thing that happens when they use the cap and still fail. Same number. That's a 17. Oh, my God. Fortitude save. Here's what happens. She goes, look at what?

You look at this thing and just... Everything starts to slow down around you. You see the water lapping against the shore just like acid trippy. You become slowed one and you feel your body begin to

stiffen. So I'm not... Don't get your hopes up. Yeah. You're not... Don't say the word. You will be soon. You are slowed one for one minute.

It starts right now, so you only have two actions this turn. Okay. I'm going to attack with my scimitar. Fuck you. Okay. I'm gonna attack with my scimitar. Fuck you. Good. Yeah! Really? How dare you? Slowly. It is in the air above you and out of reach.

Okay, so that I don't do that, obviously. I thought it was on the ground. It's understandable. So instead, I'm going to fu-fu-fu-fu-fuck you fireball it. Yes! Yeah! Two actions.

Two actions. Boom! Boom. So you need to make a basic reflex save. Basic reflex save. Okay. Wonder how the reflexes are on this. Probably bad.

Dragon. It's got so many arms. Here we go. 30. Okay. I wonder how the reflexes are on this dragon. Probably bad. It's got so many arms. Here we go. 30. Cool. Yep. So I shoot a fireball, and it completely misses. No, what was the DC?

24. Okay, so that's a success. Oh, wait. Okay, so it is not a critical. I thought it was a critical. Okay, so half damage. Cool. So I will do that. Okay, and I'll not a critical. I thought it was a critical. Okay, so half damage. Cool. So I will do that. Okay, and I'll take it.

Maybe. So bad. Seven points. So half of seven, you take three points. Oh, man. Damn it. That sucked. I'm off my...

I'm sorry. I'm off my game. I'm halfway paralyzed. She's turning to stone as we... I know. I know. I'm halfway paralyzed. She's turning to stone. I know. I'm sorry. Way to go. Great. Good job, Sydney.

Great round. Thanks. I've had athletes' foot that burns more than that. I liked this guy. Now I hate this guy. Now I can't stand this guy. He was kind of charming. He was funny, and now I don't like him. Sir Julie.

He had sort of an idiot sweetness about him. Okay. Sir Julie, it's your turn. Sir Julie is going to clasp her greatsword in both hands and raise it above her head and fire off a sunblade. Yes! Yes! Sunblade! All right, so this is the scene. Here comes a sun blade. Yes! Yes! Sun blade!

All right, so this is the scene. Here comes the sun blade. Scooby-dooby-doo. Here come... Oh! Oh! Natural one. Oh, no!

Oh, no! Wait. Wait. I'm going to use it here. Okay, now are you 100% sure that that requires an attack roll? Yes. Okay. I am going to use a hero point.

Oh, thank God. Come on, Matthew. Boom. I went from a natural one to a natural six. That's a 19 to hit. 19 to hit. It's AC. That is a Miss

And then with my final action How high in the air is it? It is 20 feet up Okay I'll take the action to avert my gaze Action to Avert your gaze

And that'll give you a bonus Plus two to the next set And I lied, it is 15 feet up Okay Thank you for being honest Well, we're in Boston What does that mean? I lie everywhere else

Not my home Atticus Grimm, what do you want to do? Atticus Grimm is going to start casting spells madly, furiously, wildly in fear of this creature. First of all, where he's standing, he would provoke. Does he provoke? He already used his reaction. Right, right. So it doesn't tell you.

I love to eat rules. Okay. Now, that doesn't mean it doesn't have an attack of opportunity. I understand. But he used his reaction. You're right. That's very smart. Here we go.

All right. First thing Atticus is going to do is say, Go get that son of a bitch. And he's going to touch Sir Julie and cast Fly on Sir Julie. Oh, yes! Oh, fuck yes! I love that. I love that. I love that.

Wow. That's badass. That's awesome. Then he's going to turn and continue. Slowly lifts from her knees. And then he's going to turn, continue the incantation. And he does this strange thing that gives Ave Maria, Aldo, Sir Julie, and this horrible, idiotic

creature a strange tingle for a moment as he casts Time Jump. And he's like, and he freezes time for everyone but himself. No one sees anything except suddenly Atticus is 30 feet away. And with his, Oh, no. Yeah, I can't do that. Do you not have enough actions? So basically I get two bonus actions. And I was going to use one of them to avert gaze.

But I can't. By the rules. The actions must be used to leap, stand, step, or stride. So it's all about movement. But that's okay. I just needed to get out of there. So I will... Is there anywhere I can go?

Can I go up on this dock? Or is this like... The dock is higher up there. You would have to do an acrobatics jump up there. It would just cost you an extra action. Could I leap? Yeah. I'll try... What. Could I leap? Yeah. I'll try.

What happens if you leap? If you fumble, do you just fall and you're prone? You drown. Shit. Shit. You can leap up to 10 feet horizontally if your speed is at least 15 or up to 15 horizontally. It doesn't say anything about... Oh, if you leap vertically, you can move up to three feet vertically and five feet horizontally onto an elevated surface.

So is this about three feet or is it too high? It's a little higher. Okay. Then that'll be it. That'll be his action. So he moves away as far as he can. Could he get under the dock? Yeah, sure.

You're tiny enough. All right. Then he will squeeze under the dock and through to the other side. Okay. He's just trying to create as much distance right now as possible. Great. All right. So you're far enough away that you don't have to worry about breath weapons.

You don't have to worry about averting your gaze unless it decides to follow you over. Right, exactly. But so in that instant, poof, he just, to the creature and everyone around him, vanishes. If he happens to have line of sight to Atticus across that dock, maybe he sees him again,

but otherwise he just vanishes. He doesn't see the movement. Big round of applause for round one, everybody. Yeah! Round one, Boston! Round one! Strong! Hey! You guys! he doesn't see the movement big round of applause for round one everybody round one Boston round one you guys and you let's take it

to round two Aldo Casimir Aldo so alright so he sees everything that's happening now and he knows this thing can, like, he sees what's happening to Ave Maria. So he could see her turning to stone, like, before his eyes. So he wants to melt this thing so that we can survive.

so that we can survive. So he throws a moderate acid bomb at the creature. Oh, acid bomb. All right, Acid Queen, what do you got? Oh, that's great. Acid Queen. 34 to hit. Only 17. 34 to hit. 34 to hit

is a hit. Nice. Alright, so they take six points of damage right now. Okay. And they will be taking persistent damage on their charm. Okay, a little acid damage

with a persistent situation. And because it's 15 feet up, that's away from the splash on Ave Maria. Does it seem to take the damage? It does seem to take the damage. Okay. All right. Yeah, with my knowledge check, do I know any weaknesses or resistances? You rolled high enough that I can give you one more piece.

It has resistance to poison 10. Okay. Makes sense. All right. So my second attack, I'm going to... I'm going to toss an alchemist fire at it. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Come on, dude. That is a 23 to hit. 23 misses. Okay. God damn it. But as we've learned, or I don't know if you saw this,

if it's not a critical failure, it still takes the splash damage. Yes, right. Oh, it's like anti-aircraft fire. It like explodes in the air next to it. So that is four more points of fire damage. Okay. Chip, chip, chip it away.

You have one more action? I have one more action, and I'm going to use it to avert my gaze one more time. Little gaze aversion. Oh, let's see. It's my turn. Oh, no. Okay. All right.

Sydney, where you're new, this next action is going to be considered hazing. Oh, no. That's frowned upon, you know. They don't like that these days. They don't do that anymore.

They like it in Boston. I don't know. The crowd was not behind that. I think they're all scared. I heard one person go, eh. Eh. The crowd was not behind that. I think they're all scared. I heard one person go, eh. Let them do what they want to do. It's kind of like, we used to.

All right, so let's try. We like to pretend that never happened here in Boston. We don't talk about that. Yeah. The dark days. Did I tell you that when I was in high school, the way they hate us on cross countries, they would throw us in a garbage can and roll us down the hill? Yeah. The hill that led to the parking lot. They did that to you?

No, they didn't do it to me. I was going to say, would they use one of those tiny little office trash cans? The square ones? Yeah. The square ones? Yeah. I just imagined you giving a speech about how you're a conscientious objector and then being like, this is just exhausting. Fine. We won't put you in the trash.

Fine. I guess you don't want any friends. Just go home. Just go fucking home. If you didn't want to go to college, just go home. Yeah, just go home. Guys, back to the public hazing. Just go home. Guys, back to the public hazing. Ave Maria, this thing has already done something to you that makes you feel as if your body is stiffening.

It's made you slowed one. Now it really looks at you in a way as if it's looking directly into your soul, into your very veins, your corporeal existence. Give me another fortitude save. Okay. I'm switching my dice. Two action. Oh, my God.

Wow, this is horrible. Can we give hero points to me? What? Can you give someone a bottle cap? Yes, you can. You you give someone a bottle cap? Yes, you can. You can give someone a bottle cap. Why are you shaking your head? Boston Joe!

Boston Joe! Boston Joe! I'm sorry, no. If you ask me again, I'll take him right out of the game. Gee, you're a tough coach. Put you on the bench. It's called tough love. It's hazing, all right? You were hazed by your coach?

Weren't you? Boston hockey over here Alright, let's go It's a 19 God damn it, Sydney You're embarrassing yourself Sydney, let me ask Would you like a

Duncan coffee roll cream ale You're embarrassing yourself. Sydney, let me ask. Would you like a Dunkin' Coffee Roll Cream Ale or a Dunkin' Cold Brew? She hates them both. She doesn't like either one. Give me the Cream Ale. You want the Cream Ale? All right. Here's a Harpoon Dunkin' Coffee Roll for you because you're going to be bored for the rest of this encounter. Do I have to?

Oh, I thought you were going to make me, like, shotgun it on stage. Shotgun it! Shotgun it! Oh, I thought you were going to make me shotgun it on stage. Shotgun it! Shotgun it! Shotgun it or you're not cool! Boston, do you want to see me throw up? I'll shotgun a pre-mail! Now that's hazing.

Matthew is appalled. Down the hatch. And tell me what happens. Because you've already been slowed by its petrifying gaze, by hitting you with its two-action petrifying gaze, This is really good. you are permanently petrified. Oh, no! No!

So you just see Ave Maria frozen. I'm going to kill myself on live TV. On your birthday. I'm going to wait until your birthday and I'm going to kill myself on live TV. That is an incredible thread. I love that thread.

I feel like this is going to be in a documentary. It's like, when hazing went too far. What started with a coffee roll cremate ended in murder. This is the best ad for Harpoon. This is like they've done... I'm as mad as hell. I'm as mad as hell. I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Enjoy your Harpoon. I'm just crying as I drink the Harpoon. Harpoon also sponsoring this season of Snapped on Discovery ID. Also like my birthday is not until next September now, so, like, it was a weird threat

to, like, threaten me with something that's happening over 11 months from now. Just you wait. I'm still angry at 11 months. I'm gonna kill myself on the way. Just you fucking wait. Oh, yeah, Troy, happy birthday again. Happy birthday. And by the way, happy birthday. We sang to you at the last show.

That's true. You're permanently petrified. Still has one action left. And with its final action, it will swoop around closer to Sir Julian Aldo now that Ave Maria is

no longer a threat. In fact, I'm going to make you... I'm going to add a little tint to your thing like your gray. Oh, no. It was such a cool token that I had for five minutes of the gameplay. I'm going to do darker gray. Ooh, touch of gray. Just take me on a nap.

Yeah, look at that. Oh, play a little touch of gray, Skip. Yeah. Touch of gray. I don't have it on here. Oh, come a little Touch of Grey, Skid. Yeah. Touch of Grey. I don't have it on here. Oh, come on. I was just listening to it today. I don't have it, though.

This creature has now swooped around, but Skid, it did have persistent damage it was supposed to take. Oh, nine points of acid damage. Fuck yeah. Okay. That's good. And then do I get a free... What can we call it? It's a DC 15 flat check.

Flat check. Here we go. 18. Come on! Me hungry. Okay. My only true friend. Troy's gonna roll! Troy's gonna roll!

You're gonna get a trip! 18. All right. It is now. They were All right. It is now. Ah, they were... Oh. Oh, no. What's going through your head?

Nothing. You can't think. You can't act. Literally in the rules it says you are simply turned to stone. You have a hardness. You have your HP, so if I get striked out, I still have my same HP. What's going through your head? I'm thinking, like, all right, when I get home to New York tomorrow, what do I have to my same HP. What's going through your head? I'm thinking, like, alright, when I get

home to New York tomorrow, what do I have to do? It's a Monday. I have work. You have to go right to work. You have to work for Discovery ID. Yeah, I work for Discovery ID. Let me just send some emails. Troy, you can play your little game. Do a double duty here. That's great. I got a lot to do. Making the best

use of her time. Bottle cap. Bottle cap! Do I get unparalyzed! Do I get a bottle? Do I get unparalyzed? Do I get unpetrified? Sir Julie, it's your turn. Is this petrification considered a paralysis effect? Um, uh, no. I think paralysis is its own thing.

I think it is different, actually, yeah. It is its own thing. It matters. I think I'm a jiggy. Uh, yeah, no. Paralyze is its own thing. Petrify. I no. Paralyzed is its own thing. Petrified. I never actually used this. Look, it has everything. But it says, it says...

There's a little wizard on here. Have you guys seen this? Have you heard about this? The GM screen. Oh, look at that. Son of a gun. Yeah, paralyzed and fucking petrified are two different things.

Yes, but is there a paralysis effect as a part of petrified? No. things. Yes, but is there a paralysis effect as a part of petrified? No. You're just making that up? You can't act. This is all it says. You can't act, nor can you sense anything. You're an object with double your normal bulk. Typically 12 if medium.

6 if small. Hardness 8. And the same current HP you had when you were alive. I don't see the word paralyzed in there at all. However, now that I've read that, it almost seems like she could be shattered! Oh, wait, no, no, no, no. She's stone. No, no, no. Shattered!

Don't hit me. Shattered by the light. Unfortunately, I have to take you up to your word. Yours cold as ice! Oh, come on! I don't want to get another fucking copyright ban. It would be worth're as cold as ice! Oh, come on! I don't want to get another fucking copyright ban. It would be worth it for cold as ice.

It's cold as stone. I'll take you at your word and then I, so instead of trying to end it with a mercy, I am instead going to fly up. Yeah, you are, Sir Julius! You hero, you.

Add the drake and I will take a strike with my greatsword. Strike. That's going to be a 30 to hit. Yeah! 30 to hit! Kill it. Just kill! That would be a hit.

Unfortunately, its reaction happens first. So I would like you to roll a fortitude save, but you do get a bonus to that save. That is going to be a 25. Bam. Oh, no!

So, here's what happens. You're slowed one. What? You're slowed one, and you start to stiffen. And you saw the same thing happen to your former, now dead friend, Ave Maria. I got one. And his attack still happens. Attack still happens. You can fly up and do one attack if you're slowed one.

And will soon be a stone that will fall from the sky and shatter on the beach. Okay. That is going to be... I did? Did I? Yes. Okay. I'm going to take Joe's word for it.

And that is going to be 24 points of damage. 24 points of damage. Nice. Okay. Very, very important. Okay. Nice. Okay. Very, very important. Okay, good. Nice. Okay.

Atticus Grip. Atticus Grip. Can I see the creature from where I am? I'm confused about the dark. Can you see the creature? Do I have line of sight to it? Does it have line of sight to me? It's 15 feet

up. You're really going to have to move forward to get a good view on it because you're so small and insignificant. Yes. Must make you feel good. To level in subsidized. Look at that little dinghy. Isn't that cool?

Oh, yeah. Yes. Very, very cool. That's a hell of a dinghy. It's a good dinghy. These mats are great. See a little smoke coming out of the chimney? Oh, yeah. I wonder what they're making.

What's their story? Let's go find out. We could go find out. We could go in there. Why didn't we do that? We should. That would be less lethal than doing now. Atticus is going to sneak up under the dock.

Just until here, where he can get line of sight on the creature. And line of effect. See it up there, flying in the air with Sir Julie. Aldo, just enough out of the way And he's going to do The incantation for Lightning Bolt Yes

While it's up in the sky Lightning Bolt Lightning Bolt Go ahead and roll a reflex save A little reflex save John Tithesis Okay Lightning bolt. Go ahead and roll a reflex save. A little reflex save for my reflex jaw antithesis. Okay.

Alright, let's get the ungrade going again. Reflex save. 20. 20 is a failure. Yes! Yes! Yeah! Alright, so that is Boston Joe!

Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Boston... Oh! You fail at everything. What just happened? I just dislocated my shoulder. No!

It hurts so bad. That is 34 points of damage. Oh, my God. 34 points of damage. How much of that is a joke, and how much is it out of the socket? It's back in the socket. Oh, good. Okay.

All right, so I... Yeah, I'm done for the evening. You just need a little bit of harpoon dunk and cold brew. That's right. It'll cure what ails you. That'll take the sting right out. A big hit there. We needed a big hit because this thing has just been laying out some damage.

Did I get persistent damage again here? No, because you made the flat check last time. You made the flat check? You make the flat check every time. I'm really good at this game. Are you done with your turn? You moved and then a two action John? Yeah, that was a two action cast.

Once again, huge round of applause for round two everybody. I do this because it helps me remember what round it is. Round three. Aldo Casabir. Aldo, so he sees what's happening

to Ave Maria. She's stone. She's a statue now. The same thing is happening to Sir Julie. And she is like, see you soon, Joe. See you, buddy. The same thing is happening to Sir Julie. And he is, like, clawing through. See you soon, Joe. See you, buddy.

He's, like, going through, like, his bandolier. And he's just like, what do I do? And they're all numbered. It's just like there's, like, a number and color coding system to all the pockets, like, on his bandolier. Like an NFL quarterback, you have to flip over that. But he sees that it's shaken off the acid. So he's going to throw another acid bomb. Okay. Okay.

Roll away. 20. No. Okay. But it will take the simplicity splash. All right. So that's four points of splash damage. Okay.

And, oh, boy. Yeah, he's going to throw. Shit. All right. He's going to throw another acid bomb. Yeah, do it. Yeah, really wants to get the acid on this guy. Come on.

No! 13. Oh. That's a fumble. Oh, no But Joe isn't here Yeah, Joe's not even here By the rules though

Fumble What city, skid? What city? So this is what, a magic or a ranged fumble? Oh, he's on there. Oh, well, look at him. Look at him go. That's just a ranged fumble.

Let's, well, we got complaints. They always say the city they're in, so it doesn't get. Let's say Kathmandu, Nepal. Kathmandu, Nepal. Katmandu, Nepal. That's with an H. And how do you spell that? K-A-T-H-M-A-N-D-U. You got that, Matthew?

I got it. Yes! Matthew, I like that you spoke through your mic. Although Joe's mic is right there. I'm not touching that mic. Did you say... And you chose Katmandu because you're such a huge fan of Cat Stevens. That's right.

That's the... And the song, Kathmandu. Him and Jim Croce. Okay. Those are the two guys that I love. This comes to us from Oliver.

Mimo. That's how they say it. Sweet. Oh, so yeah. All right. Woo! Just a stone's throw from Kathmandu.

Sorry. I'm reading sideways from Catman. So close. I'm reading sideways from far away. Your shot is redirected by an incredibly strong gust of wind from the north, and your shot loses some of its momentum along the way. Your shot hits the closest creature, friend or foe, to the south of the target. If there are no creatures to the south of the target, the wind changes direction and now blows straight towards you.

The new target must make a reflex save, and then we'll find out what happens. The wind to the noose! Oh, the title is When the Beef Wind Blows. Very good. Is that Joe at the bar? Okay. Hey, Joe, you're still going to play.

So it comes back at me, right? There's nobody to the south of this creature. Yeah, so it comes back at you. Okay, so here's my reflex save. Fuck me. That is a 20... Oh, okay, 24. And what's the DC? Against the AC of the creature, that is a okay. 24. And what's the DC? Against the AC of the creature, that is a fail.

Okay. Regular failure is full damage. Oh, no. So you take the full damage from your bomb. Okay. Alright. So I take four points of splash damage. So I'll take that now. And I have acid on me. So I

will take that persistent damage. Oh, Lord. But I believe you have one action left, or was that your first? I have one action left. So I can't remember the rule right now. Because there is an action you can take to try to proactively get rid of an ongoing effect like this. But I can't remember what it is, so I'm just going to scream.

Would you get your flat check since you are covered in acid and it is now the end of your turn? That's... Right! That's true. Okay. Alright, let's... Thank you. No, I failed. That's a good call.

All right. It is the Dracolisk's turn. And just as it did to Ave Maria, it will spend two actions to use its two-action Petrifying Gaze on Sir Julie. You love it. You know it. Give me a Fortitude save, Sir Julie. Natural 20. Oh, yeah!

Let's go! Woo! Woo! Yeah! We're up in the champagne room, motherfuckers! We are most definitely not. Amazing.

Wow. Huge. Huge. Huge. Let's see where it is here. Since 15 feet up. Oh, you're right next to it. So I will then use my final action to bite you.

Let's see what the strengths of its jaws are. Natural one. Yeah! We should do a Boston live show. We should do a Boston. What about Haverhill, Massachusetts, my hometown? Hang on, hang on.

Is this your... Oh, yeah, that's your phone. Is Haverhill in the house? You used to have a mall. All right, we got Jason D. from Boston. Hey! Yeah, right. from Boston. Jason! Hi, Jason. Jason!

Holy shit! 25% chance it's the same guy. Man. He looks fired up, too, and he's close enough. He could just take Matthew out if he wanted to. Just leap on stage and take him out. I better like this or I'll take him out. Security!

Oh, amazing. What was that popping noise? Oh, that's the same thing that happened to him. Oh, Joe. Oh, Joe. So oddly appropriate. That's amazing. You overcommit in your attempt to strike your foe and feel

something give way in your leg. Oh. Why couldn't you say arm, you dipshit? Don't talk about Jason D. The dragon also has six arms. Six legs. Your suddenly wobbly knee gives you a minus ten foot penalty to your speed

until you have time to rest for 10 minutes and get some ice on it. This does not affect flying speed. Oh, come on! He says it specifically! Why did you have to say that? Why did you say that? Jason D! Jason D!

Boo! Why did you say that? Boo! We're up in the champagne room No we're not You lucky bastard My walking speed Oh you cheer I can still fly

You need to kill this creature right now Put it out of its misery. Quiet, statue. That was its turn. It now goes to Sir Julie. Okay, Sir Julie is going to swing away at this guy.

With your slowed John's I only got two actions here. First attack. Do I want to use a hero point? I don't know. No, not worth it. You might have to keep averting or whatever.

20, miss. Second attack is going to be a 22 to hit. Miss. Miss, miss, 22 to hit. Miss. Miss, miss, miss, miss. Okay. All right. It is now Atticus's turn.

Atticus is going to see how close. I'm sorry. I'm just looking at some ranges here. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no.

Oh, my. You're so funny. Shit. Atticus, he's going to... Man. He's going to move up next to Aldo. Okay. And he's going to pull a fiery log from this fire.

fire. And he's going to telekinetically throw it across Ave Maria's statue at the creature. And that will be an attack roll. Okay, what could go wrong? Oh, 33.

Whoa! To hit. That is a hit. That is a hit. He did it. You did it, good buddy Atticus. Oh, that was good. 16 points of bludgeoning damage. As this fiery log

just... The sparks shatter in the air around the creature. 16 points of damage. All right, this thing has been hurt. Any other actions? You moved, and that was a two? Yeah, I moved, and that was a two. Okay, we now move on to round four.

Noah. I didn't like that round. Round four, it is Aldo's turn as a reaction. I will use my petrifying gaze on you. Okay. Give me a fortitude save. Fortitude save. Should you fail, you'll be slowed. Okay.

Uh, 23. You start to feel your body. Oh, come on! Stefan! Stefan, you are slowed one. Okay.

Oh, shit. Okay. And you are taking persistent damage. I am. Okay, so he feels this stone coursing through his veins. He feels himself turning into something immobile. And he's going to keep...

And yeah, the bomb that he just threw at this thing changed course somehow and landed right on his face. Back from whence you came? Yeah, no, it's just like, this is terrible. So he's going to keep trying to throw acid on this thing.

Okay. Natural 19. There we go. 35. 35 to hit. 35 is a hit, not a crit. Okay. All right.

So that's four points of splash damage. Okay. No, it's a hit. It's a hit. It's good. What? It hits, right? No, I know, but it's persistent hit. It's a hit. It's good. What? It hits, right? No, no, I know, but it's persistence.

Oh, okay. You won't take it until the end of the story. It takes, it's worse. I'm sorry, and I messed up my damage. You take four more points of damage. Unfortunately, your hand's off the chess piece. Okay. Four more points of damage.

Maybe I took it, maybe I didn't. So filthy. And I'm going to throw, in my last action of the round, being slow, I'm going to throw another firebomb. Yeah, 23. Okay, four more points of fire damage. Okay. Okay.

And now you take your persistent damage And roll a flat check to see if you get rid of it Okay, so I take Seven more points of acid damage It's like, ahhh It's eating through my skin And I do not make the flat check So it stays on me Bad news bears

This has been a rough journey Along the Selen River so it stays on me. Bad news bears. This has been a rough journey along the Selin River, and it's about to get worse because it is the Draculisk's turn. And the Draculisk is going to... Actually, it's going to stay right there, and it is going to use its breath weapon again. But I want to hit Ave Maria too.

But I think to do that, I need to move. So I will swoop down behind Ave Maria. And I will blast all of you. You get no save, Ave Maria. And I will blast all of you. You get no save, Ave Maria. You just take eight less damage from your hardness. And that will activate my retributive strike. Oh, yes!

Oh, yes, Sir Julie! Now, when does that take place before I get off the breath weapon? Once you do damage to her. All right, so let's, everyone except Sydney, roll a fortitude save. 27. 27, pretty good, pretty good. 25.

Also, solid number. 25. Also, solid number. Hero point. Still got one. What'd you get, Joe? I got a 17. Wow.

Failure for Aldo. Oh, come on. Oh, no. Failure for Sir Julie. Critical failure. Oh, no. God. Oh, no.

Boston Joe, no. No, Boston Joe. Atticus takes 82 points. Oh, my God. Of damage. I'm going to activate my Retributive Strike on Atticus. Let me lay out some more damage. You take 42.

Excuse me, 41. Was it 42 or 41? 41. 41. Excuse me, it was 42. You take 84, Joe. Oh, no. 42 to Aldo.

42 to Sir Julie. 84 to Atticus. And you take 42 minus 8. Okay. 34. Thank you. Thank you, Matt. Genius.

I assume you just take the basic damage. All right. I will protect Ave Maria. So, Ave Maria, give yourself nine points back. Okay. Okay. So your god helps her by staving off some of that damage. Yes.

She gets DR. Atticus, are you at dying two? Yes. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Atticus is at dying two. Wow. Against a creature that has a breath weapon.

One of your party is frozen. You guys ready for TPK Boston? Oh my god. I've been meaning to spice things up on this show. How about a whole new cast? And new characters as well. No. Guys, there's a dead creature over here.

Dying creature. Have some respect. That is its turn. Atticus, you now move, what, before the creature in initiative, or right? Before the creature. Retributed strife, sir, went to

Ave Maria, if you were paying attention. And you're farther away than a five-foot step, so I can't take my strife. But she still gets the DR. I wasn't listening. Alright, so I'll move Atticus in the jaunt. It is now skip Sanfe Maria.

No, you take nine points of acid damage. Boom! Kill it! Kill it! Yeah! Boom! And it dies. Yeah!

And it's dead. I will roll my flat check in front of Sydney. She feels like she's a part of this. Fuck me. Are you fucking kidding me? Natural 20. Give me. You still take the down.

You sure are. You know, I went to the Atlantic Fish and Co. with Skid and Matthew. We had a great time. We had a great time. We had a great time. And they had a special on drinks. And they said our cocktail of the evening is the Agave Maria. And I thought, oh, my God. It's a sign.

This is great. Oh, my God. She's going to be okay. I'll have that. Thank you, waiter. I'll have that. That sounds great. And I drank it.

It was delicious. Did you call him waiter I'll have that. That sounds great. And I drank it. It was delicious. Did you call him waiter to his face? That's really rude. I said, excuse me. Thank you, waiter. Boy. Boy. Boy.

He was a really nice guy. He was very nice. But I was like, that's a great drink. I had it. It was delicious. It was like a tequila, lime, sort of like margarita mix. And I thought, the show's going to be great. Yeah.

How wrong you were. And the show is great. You're right. The show is great. And I'm having an agave great time. I'm having an agave Maria great time. A round of agave Marias. On me.

Troy, go ahead. Proprietary drinks from another place. Cool story. It's Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, you are slowed. Aldo is slowed. Atticus is dying too. Cafe Maria is a statue.

Whatever. See if I care. That's amazing. Whatever. See if I care. That's amazing. What you gonna do, Sir Julius? I mean, Sir Julius is pretty hurt, and I really would love to heal, but I'm slowed, and it thinks they moved away, so if I want to...

And now it's a race to kill this thing before it kills you. So Sir Julius is just gonna fly straight at it. Come on. Finish it, Sir Julie! Kill it! Do you still have a hero point? I do still have a hero point. Right. You earned that one. And I think I'm

going to have to use it. No! Oh, no! No, I'm not going to. 26 to hit. That's a miss. Oh, no! Dude, wait a minute. It's incorrect. The module's incorrect. No, it's not. It's incorrect. It's four of you against one creature. It's supposed to be hard. Something's fishy about this

based on what you said last time about certain criticals happening. But I'll move along. I don't know what you're talking about. It's not fishy. It's just certain. Listeners of the later podcast are going, yep, he's right. We've been following the numbers. It's a miss.

It's a miss. I'm sorry that you're upset, but please don't cast dispersions at me. I think I said that incorrectly. There will be no round of applause for round four. There's no time. No. I'm sorry. Hey, let's hear it for round four.

This is unsanctioned applause. Character death is very, very possible here. And I know you guys love your characters. Yours is pretty new, so it won't matter if she dies. I love her very much. But the art is so good. The art is very good, but Angeline can make more. It is round five.

A round that will go down in infamy. Brighton to Jamaica Plains. Aldo, Casimir, you are slowed. Aldo feels this sludge moving through his veins where blood should be. To say, no, is this what death is? Will I die here on this strange world

with wounds still lodged to this tumorous growth of my neck? It's all right, Werner. Just thinking out loud. Shh. Calm down. Calm down. I'll think of a way to use you in gameplay yet. And he sees that it's shaken off

Another batch of this precious Precious acid He's going to try again Okay, 30 Hit Kaboom Come on, finish it Four more points of splash damage

Final attack Impersistent At the end of its round Come on, finish it! Four more points of splash damage. Okay. Final attack. Impersistent. At the end of its round. I'm going to throw another firebomb. Okay. Cracked eye.

Oh, shit! 27? Miss. Oh, come on! That fuck... Fuck this fucking fuck! Alright, that's four points of splash. Okay. Okay, and now I will take my persistent damage.

Six points of acid damage as this thing's melting through my skin. And I'll do my flat check. 16! All right! You did it. You did it! Cut. It's the Draculis turn.

The Draculis stares at you, Aldo. I need a fortitude save. Wait, wait, wait. No, it's Atticus's turn. Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon me. Yes, there you are. In the initiative order.

What is the DC that you need to hit to not... There he is. Dead. What is the point of trying anymore? It's over. All of this has been for naught. Trying so hard to get the better of others. Trying so hard to become sharper, smarter, wiser than the rest.

All of a sudden, he's in this plane of pure blackness. There is light. It's moving in strange ways. And he sees a figure he has not seen in many years. A figure who is dead. His father. A man who pushed him so hard.

Sound like them. Look like them. You never will. But try your best to fool them into thinking you're something other than yourself. You're just a rat in a hat. Don't laugh at that.

It's fucked up. Super sad. Shut up. Shut up. He sees him. Father, what are you doing here? Well, I was waiting to see you. I knew you'd come crawling here eventually.

Now, I have found better things to do than waste my time spoiling for your dreams. My dreams have nothing to do with this. It's you and your aspirations to think that you can be like them. You're worthless. And you'll always be worthless. No. I must protect them. They have...

Loved me more than you ever have. They've gone out of their way to protect me. And now there is a traitor in their midst. Someone among them who seeks to destroy them all without their knowing. I will save them. And he begins to turn away from his father. And I'm going to roll a flat check. What is happening?

On dying two. And I critically fail. Oh no! Hero point. I'm going to use that hero point. I held on to it. Come on Joe.

Jeepers. But this is now it. Couldn't you have used that at your point to wipe away the dying condition? Oh, yeah. Oh! Yes, sorry.

I didn't know the rule. I forgot that. Unfortunately, you've already rolled. Oh, okay. I forgot that rule. Fuck. It was a cool scene, though, so...

Just... You can still have the scene and then use the point to wipe away the dying condition. If you can sleep with yourself at night, no problem. Yeah, I can sleep with myself just fine. They say, no, there is a traitor in their midst One among them who seeks to destroy the others I must save them

I must protect them You would know nothing of such loyalty Spits on the ground And all of a sudden, this like wavy black smoke Just this white spittle that hits the ground. And he turns away to go back to the world of the living!

And he will stabilize. Stabilize as best I can do. I will remove the red X from your character. Thank you. It was kind of rude to see. It hurt my feelings Now it is its turn

Now it is its turn And it does as it said it would And it stares into Aldo's soul Give me a fortitude save Okay Aldo In front of God and Sidney.

Okay, that's not too bad. It's a fortitude save? Yes. 26. 26. Statue. No! Are you shitting me?

Permanently petrified. We cut to inside the window of this small house where a little old lady walks up. Oh, look, they've put some statues on the beach. I've always wanted the view

to have some statues. To help me All hail the water rat Fuck All hail the water rat I fucking hate this island Come on All hail the water rat

Who's that? Yeah We have two statues Atticus is stabilized. Conscious at one hit point. Zero. Conscious at zero hit points. No, unconscious stable, right?

At zero? I don't know the rules. You're stabilized and you're, you stabilize with zero hit points. It's so good. I'm a cleric in the party. To help in situate, oh, wait.

Nope. Nope. It is Sir Julie's turn. Alright, because I had to move into position. Oh no, I still have one action left. Oh, you did the two action. I did the two action thing, but I have three

actions. With my next action, you know what? I will bite Sir Julie. Attempt two. Yo, dude. Natty 18. Oh. A 39 to hit. Oh.

Is it critical? Oh. That's it. It's a TPK. I hope you prepped it, Troy, you piece of shit. Good night. Sleep tight. I'd like to...

Do I pick a city for this? Or no, it was only a natty 18. Shut up, Troy. Only a natty 18. Do I pick a city for this? You don't get a city. All right, I'll just do double damage. Where are

my d12s? I hope I have enough. I hope I have enough! Oh! Roll and double, right? instead of roll twice thank you I don't know why you're asking me here

we go okay now 40 points of piercing damage. Sir Julie, is it dying one? Oh! Dying two.

Dying two because it was a crit. Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah. By the way, we did not do the hero point wrong, from what I'm reading. You can spend all your hero points to avoid death. You do this when your dying condition would increase. So you

still roll. Ah, okay. And if you fail, you can do it. So now I can sleep tonight. Yes. So now you can. I was going to sleep like a baby. I mean, I was going to be up every three hours. Un all this armpit. And at zero hit points. So she falls.

She falls. And take damage. Dying two. Over there. Well, I wasn't dying two because it was a crit. I'm sorry? I wasn't dying two, so now I take damage, so now I'm a dying three. Well, uh...

Oh, shit. Stop! Stop! Oh, from falling, that's right. Stop saying that about my friend. You, uh... Yeah, well, whatever the damage was, you're now a dying three, but you have die hard, right? I do have die hard. That doesn't... That's not enough. So...

This is fucking wild. That doesn't, that's not enough. So. This is fucking wild. I can do this breath weapon once every 1d4 rounds. I did it last round. So if I roll a 1 or a 2 On a d4 I can do the breath weapon again Let's roll it down stage Oh come on no

No Oh If it's a 1 or a two, he can do the breath weapon again. It's a four, you son of a bitch! Get back in your seat! Get back in your seat! You son of a bitch. Yes.

Yes. Careful. Fuck you, Troy. Careful. Fuck you, Troy. Careful. Careful now, Troy! Careful. Fuck you, Troy! Careful. Careful now. I didn't say it.

I didn't say it. They said it. I said it. You know what? Let's go to round six. Let's see how this plays out. Round six. So Sir Julie now moves ahead of the Draculis.

But acid. Persistent, persistent. Is that your turn? Yeah, end of my turn. Okay. Seven points of acid damage and a flat check. Are you dead? Still up.

By how much? Don't worry about it. Flat check. Yep, flat check is going to be key here. Sydney? Huh? I'll let you watch. She likes to watch.

Fuck! Natty 19. Are you fucking kidding me? Stop rolling outside the box! Jesus Christ! He is rolling absolute... Can I touch that die? It's ridiculous.

Can you give me that die? Can I touch that? No. Get your filthy, cream ale hands away from me. Alright, this is this is fucking awesome. If I was here live, I would be

psyched. Oh wait! I am! I am! Alright, Aldo, you are a statue. Probably the best case scenario for you right now. Not really. No, why?

What would that be? Just permanently. I don't know if I'd say best case scenario. Best case scenario, I could still try to kill this thing that turned me into a statue. It's so sad. Ave and Aldo are just staring at each other across the beach. Like, Ave saw Aldo get petrified as he got petrified.

The saddest thing. The tide is slowly coming in around Ave's ankles. Maybe the tide will come in and wash us all away as statues and we'll end up on some distant shore where they'll be able to un-petrify us. Hopefully. Several hundred years later.

In a different game. Well, you're not petrified. They're petrified. You're just gonna fucking drown. I'm just gonna drown. Atticus. Wait, did you land in the water? Oh, yeah, you did.

He did. I can see shore beneath my feet. Every other round in the water like flows your mouth. Who made these maps? Fuck that guy. All right. water, like, fills your mouth. Wait, who made these maps? Fuck that guy! All right, Atticus, it's your turn. You can't do anything, right?

I can't do anything. He's in this strange limbo. He's walked away from death, trying to get back to his friends, but can't seem to find the way to wake up. So, Julie, it's your turn. Yeah, so I guess I'll roll, and then I can decide whether or not to use the hero point.

You still have that one hero point. You've been saving it. 11. Fail. All right, so then I'll use my hero point and... Stabilize at zero. Stabilize at zero. Zero, cool.

It's the Draculis' turn. You're all unconscious. That doesn't make any sense. Well, no. Aldo and Ave Maria are completely conscious. No, their thoughts are suspended. I just read the text. Yeah, we can't think. You're statues, and you will be permanently statues

for the rest of your lives. It is going to either attack Sir Julie or Ave Maria. One, two, Sir Julie. Three, four, Ave Maria. Four. It goes to bite Ave Maria, who has an AC of nine right now. I'm going to use a little attack called

Savage Jaws. It sounds like a band. Tonight at the Paradise Rock Club, Savage Jaws come at you live. This is wild. I rolled an eight, Savage Jaws. Coming at you live. This is wild. I rolled an eight, but it's a plus 21 to hit, which means it's a 29, which means it's a crit.

So the damage doesn't matter, right? She just goes, well, no, because she's not dying. How many hit points do you have? 24. You're dying, too. It would have been, I mean, I can't You're dying, too. It would have been... I mean, I can't even tell you how much damage this would have been. 2d12 plus 8 times 2, plus because of Savage Jaws, another 4d12 plus 16.

And arguably, that could double as well. So, dying, too. What is the shatter rules for Petrified? Like, what does it take to be shattered? You mentioned shatter. She keeps her hit points. Oh, okay. When she loses them all, she shatters.

Yeah, but then there's a hardness. Yeah, so you would take away that eight still at 24 hit points. She's shattered. Right? She doesn't get a dying condition. Oh, did she just shatter? Did you just kill Ave Maria? Wait, let me read the fucking rules.

Wait! Wait! Hardness 8. Same current hit points. You don't have a broken threshold. Oh, yeah, you're an object. If the statue's destroyed, you immediately die. One down.

Still have one action left. Ave Maria. Troy? Yeah? Describe, describe her death. In vivid detail. After striking down Sir Julie

and Sir Julie falling as the water just laps over her, face down in the sand and the surf. Its jaws open up and it just... Ah, shaboom! And you explode into a million pieces. Oh, my God.

Rocks upon this shore. Perhaps it was your dying wish to have your ashes spread on this shore. But I guess the pebbles of you will have to suffice. You have no shame? You can't make ashes out of a statue. It's just crazy. Its final attack, it attacks Sir Julie.

With a one action. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. Is it... It lowered itself? Did it move? It felt like it was high in the air., wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. Is it... It lowered itself? Did it move? It felt like it was high in the air. Oh, yeah.

We were battling. Did it specifically move down? Very fair. It'll move down and then use the two action Savage John. So it can't attack Sir Julie this time. It cannot attack Sir Julie. But it's hovering, what, like five feet above the ground? It's hovering like within striking range about there.

Just enough time for that ship of 40 people to come and help us. Yeah! For... Yeah! Boston Joe! Boston Joe! I love you guys.

Just enough time for, yes, the ship of 40 people to start firing off crossbow bolts and scare off... Perfect. Perfect. Or the captain to return and save us. Or that piece of shit twice born to do something resembling anything. I just had a threesome with two of those people on that boat. And trust me, they have a reason to want me alive.

Oh, yeah! It's round seven I tried With each character that dies I will give you an opportunity For perhaps aid to show up But that aid will be based on the results Of a die roll And that die will be rolled by Joe.

Oh, no. Joe's gonna roll. Joe's gonna roll. Joe's gonna roll. What do we call this? Veteran hazing? Is that what we call this? Oh, God.

You're a bastard person. You're a bastard person. All right. Aldo's frozen. You're a bastard person. All right. Aldo's frozen. Atticus is at zero and stable. Sir Julie's at zero and stable. It comes back to the Dracula's. But before it does, Joe.

You son of a bitch. And just to clarify, there's nothing, there's no mechanic when you're at zero to regain hit points. Because in Pathfinder 1, you were disabled, right? At zero? Yeah, I don't know if you... In Starfinder I feel like you could spend something to then go to one, but I think that with this you have to spend all your hero points just to go to zero. You can't get to one without help, right? Yep.

All right. This would be a great opportunity to lie. Yeah. There's a whole bunch of people in the air. Okay. So let's roll a die, Joe, to see if – because here's the thing. Here's the worst part of this. The Draculisk is in really bad shape.

I know. I'm so fucking angry. I knew we were close. I didn't hit'm so fucking angry. I knew we were close. I didn't hit it once. No, I hit it one time. Yeah. And all my acid flat checks were made every time. It could be dead by now.

Well, I mean, you don't really get to a good TPK like this without the rolls going shit for the players and great for the GM. Right, for sure. It just went that way. So I'm going to have you roll something to see if aid comes. Come on, Boston! 36 seconds

have... That's the thing you have to remember. Only 36 seconds have passed. Is someone going to come to your aid? There is a ship. I can see it on the map I know what he's saying I'm justifying the story You think Dinky Fustumble can fire a crossbow?

Yes I think Spinny Pal can knock that shit out of the sky There are 45 people Crammed onto that boat Surely one of them Diaper one Diaper two, diaper two. I forgot about

wet knees. I know O.J. Simpson can fuck some shit up. You think the edgelord doesn't have like a ranged weapon? The edgelord throws a spear. The truth ascends to the deck

and it's like... I'm literally going to keep killing you until aid comes. Spear! All right. The truth ascends to the deck and it's like... All right. I mean, I'm literally going to keep killing you until aid comes. And aid is not guaranteed. I want to pick a die here that's going to be fun. What do you like? What kind of die do you like? 12.

You like a D20? A D20. Okay. Let's do a D20. And I will say anything over an 11. So not 11. 12 or higher. No, 11 an 11. So not 11. 12 or higher. No, 11 or higher.

11 or higher. That's very generous. 50-50 chance. All right, Boston. All right. Come on, Boston. Okay. So this die, Boston, this is the worst die in the world.

I love it so much. My first die when I got back into the hobby, I bought at PAX East 2010. The first PAX East. It is the die that made Lork fail on his charge against Target. That natural five will haunt me for the rest of my life. But tonight, I roll it in the front of the stage in Boston to see if we can bring aid. Come on!

11 or higher on a D20. Okay. Natural four. Natural four. So I know like hindsight and everything, but I did want to ask this question before. Why that die? It's a very...

It's an awful die, and I just... I wanted to redeem it. I'm dead! Why would you roll a bad die? Roll a die with a history of success. I have no die with a history of success. I have no die with a history of success. Well, that's a good point.

That's a good point. Touché. Son of a bitch. All right, so, Julie, what is your AC now while you're laying on the ground unconscious? I have no idea. Yeah. Does your AC change when you go unconscious and hit the ground? I'm about to kill someone, so I want to make sure I do it right.

And I'm still wearing the armor. Yeah, are you helpless? If you check the unconscious condition, does it just make you flat-footed? My AC is 22, unconscious. Unconscious. Very good. Hey, you still have that armor on. So a natural one would be a 22 exactly.

I'm going to do Savage Jaws on you because I want it. So a natural one would be a fumble. Perfect. No, it would be a mess. You're right, you sons of bitches. All right. Well, let's see what happens here. Could be a crit that would take you to dying two or not.

You have no hero points left. I call my hero points. Natural fucking one. Yeah! Such a straight up miss! My god! That's right, all time is tricky! Yeah! Tricky, tricky,

tricky, tricky! I just switched to this die and it's nat one. Now, the goddess smiles upon me. Now that's a 22 to hit, but a one is a one, so it takes it down a step. So it would have been a miss. So it's just a miss, not a fumble. That was my two action. And now I will just...

Because I'm within range of you. I'll just say, peace, everybody. No, I will... Leave. Jaw you. What? What? This entire fight, it almost seemed like it was meant to take you out.

Sent by who? Someone on Lang. On the plateau of Lang. On the plateau of Lang. Someone who was following the ruby, was it not? 35 to hit. That's a crit. You're at dying two.

Okay. It's not a crit. It is a crit. The next round. It is a crit. The next round... I forgot about him. I forgot about her being uncrit. The next round, it can use its breath weapon. Christ.

Unless Sidney rolls higher than an 11. Yeah! Come on, Sid! I put my dice away! I put my dice away! I put my dice away. I got so sad! Boston Sid! Okay.

Boston Sid! Which one? Boston Sid! Come on, Sid. Okay. It's the green die. It's the GCP green die. Here we go.

It's the green dye. It's the GCP green dye. Here we go. Far away from Steve. Fuck. In the arms of the angels, I rolled a two on my dice. Please help me. Oh my god. We're so cold.

Fuck this dice. I quit. Fuck you, Norse Foundry. Fuck this doll, Norse Foundry. Sit at the class not to say it, but I'll say it. Fuck Norse Foundry and fuck Harpoon. Fuck Harpoon. They don't get it.

Everyone who's treated us kindly over the last five years, fuck you. Fuck you. Troy, I rolled a two. Was that good? No, no, it's not. Okay. Is it not like cards where close to the ace is good, maybe? The creature unleashes a breath weapon.

Cool. I'm dead. What do I care? You're just going to get fried here. I'm in pieces! There's nothing. I'm shattered. Why are you even on the map?

Get out of there, new pawn. This is the saddest. You've got to know. A character that you just made. I know. This is a new one. You just got the art and everything. You know what?

I found a new pawn for you. Oh, my God. Amazing. Oh, my God. Amazing. Oh, no. All right. Boo! Boo this bed! Boo!

Boo this bed! Boo! Boo this bed! Boo! Wait. Boo! Wait. Troy, I'll have you know.

Let me put her name on it. I'll have you know. Oh, my God. I'll have you know. Oh my god. I'm currently concocting the worst character that I could possibly make.

I am your worst nightmare now. Alright. Holy shit. So. Now. You two still get a fortitude save while unconscious. Sure.

Okay. Whereas you, Aldo, as a statue, I don't know if you get anything. You can't act, nor can you sense anything. Remember that thing that Skid told you about his backstory? Oh, Troy! You'll never know. Let him have a flashback. I'm rolling rocks. He can have it when he dies

It's gonna be tonight Fortitude save Fortitude save over here And I think you'll just slowly You'll just go to dying one Hey I finally rolled above a ten I rolled a sixteen So it's a twenty nine

Twenty nine okay I have to roll A natural twenty I rolled a 16, so it's a 29. 29, okay. I have to roll a natural 20. I didn't. 29. You both rolled a 29. Yeah. Okay.

I'm sick to my stomach here. I'm all over the map. All right, so 29. I believe that you both pass. Here we go. It doesn't really matter, right? It doesn't really matter. It's just a matter of... We don't critically fail, right?

Yeah, it's just a matter of how if you go down two dying or down just one. So with that breath weapon, where is the DC up? Alright, so you both succeeded. So you're all just going to take a ton of damage.

You go down to... Were you already at dying one? I was at two. You were dying two. You go to dying three. Atticus goes to dying one. Aldo goes to dying one. I did actually roll a natural one, so...

That would have been dying two, but I think while petrified, you don't... Your fortitude save goes away. So you're just going to die the slugs. Okay. Matthew, would you like to roll a d20 to see if aid will come? Sure.

Sure. Oh, wait a minute, though. You guys are dying now, so now we have to add saves into the mix here to save. So let's do that. I'm kind of just going to throw this around. Aldo, let's see if you become stable and conscious. All right. Stable and unconscious.

Stable and unconscious. Okay. Oh, wait. He's a statue. How many? Oh, so I have to roll the action. You just killed him. Well, I have to roll the actual damage.

It's only 60, 10 poison damage. Oh my. And you'll take 8 less from this. Why would poison affect a piece of stone? I mean, he's stone. It's, uh, it will be minus 8, 21 points of damage.

Alright. I have exactly 21 points of damage. Alright. I have exactly 21 hit points left. If you get hit one more time, I will just copy and paste Ave's pawn. Now you

guys roll to see if you go to dying four, Sir Julie, and if you go to dying two, Atticus. What am I rolling? What am I rolling to hit? Uh, flat. Eleven. No, you're rolling your recovery check. Oh, it's thirteen. Flat check thirteen. Wait, are you dying four right now?

No, I'm dying three. Ten plus your dying level. Natural four. I have die hard, so I'm slow. If you go to dying four, you're one away from permadeath. Now let's see if you go to Dying 2. You roll a DC 11 flat check as you're Dying 1. Do you want to know if you actually... No, no. Okay, here we go.

Natural 7. Dying 2. Dying 4 with the Die Hard feat. Dying 2. Rocks. One hit away. Skid, since the fate of this, your character, lies in this roll, I would like you to roll to hand.

Okay. All right. It's 11 or higher. 11 or higher. Thank you for not asking me to do that and also share a hotel room with Skid tonight. Yeah. All right. I'm going to roll the Norse Foundry die.

Come on, Skid! Save us! You want to do it again, Skid? Come on, get out there! This is your last chance, Eric. Eric! Twelve! Oh!

Yes! Yes, please! Oh! Yes! Yes, please! Oh, God. You shot it out. Yeah! Oh, my God. I'm going to blast that shit at the after party. Hell, yeah!

Yes! Fire away! Fire away! At that moment, you hear, and look in the, actually, none of you look. You're all fucking dying or dead. The audience looks.

The Draculist looks with its nine remaining hit points. Oh, goddammit. And Skywind Freeling lighting it up. and Skywind Freeling lighting it up. However, Sir Julie, if you do not make a DC 14 flat check, you die as well. That's kind of fair.

Come on, Julie. Come on, Julie. Come on, Julie. Ten. And we'll see you Thursday night. No! Fuck you, Trump! They said I wouldn't do it! I didn't!

I love you guys! Thank you so much! Great to be back in Boston! Thank you.