The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 50 – Beach Bodies

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

A brutal attack on the shores of Riverton leaves the party reeling and the mission in jeopardy. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa and Sydney Amanuel as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/wu-q-kbCF80 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment Good evening, cats and kittens, and welcome to Glass Cannon Live. Not Glass Cannon, pre-taped. This is live. This is happening right now. Is there any way we can prove that we're live?

Who's the Secretary of State? Matthew. Anthony Blinken. I would not have known that. If we weren't alive. I can hold up a newspaper with today's date like I'm being held hostage. No, don't do that, Matthew. That's what you did in the pre-show.

If I poke myself, it hurts. That's to see if it's a dream dream That's how you prove if you're real Yes, okay We are live And we're going to be live a lot of Thursdays Going up until the end of the year And tonight's show is a continuation Of a show that we did

Four nights ago In Boston, we were in Boston Sunday night And if you have not seen Listen, I don't want to lose viewers right now. But if you have not listened to that show, I don't know if you should be watching tonight. Because the Boston show, a lot went down. And the audio for that came out Tuesday. The video is coming out tomorrow because it takes a couple days to turn that video around. But we had to go live tonight with the next iteration of the show

because this episode will drop next Tuesday in both audio and video form. So if you haven't listened to The Bossard Show, you're taking your life in your hands by watching tonight's show. A show so intense that Sidney quit. She quit the show. Outright.

Outright walked away. She made the right choice. We had to beg Jared Logan to give up his Thursday night evening I know he's a big Bengals and Dolphins fan he had to give up I also like

badgers I like rhinoceri oh are you we're talking about animals right badgers. I like rhinoceri. Oh, are you? We're talking about animals, right? Yes, yes. You had to give up your late night trip to the zoo and come play with us. How are you, buddy?

I feel like I haven't talked to you in a while. Just talk via email. I'm doing well. You see this right here? Did you get in a fight? Yeah yeah with my one-year-old oh man he just reached out he just he just ripped my face open uh and it hurt but i was a little proud of him and um anyway i lose fights with babies so tonight be. Oh, you should see the other guy. Yeah. Tonight I'll really be kind of, this will be some fantasy. Actually, you know, being a tough guy that doesn't lose fights to any babies.

Perhaps he's challenging you as the true man of the house. And next he will need to sleep with your wife. I could tell you something. Well, first of all, that joke, that's a little bit disgusting and hurtful. And then super inappropriate. And second, if he wants to be man of the house, he can have it. I don't like all the responsibility. It's an overrated gig, I think.

So as soon as he's old enough he can go and you know pay the mortgage and stuff and i'll sit around shitting my pants the good old days yeah joe when's the last time you shit your pants i imagine with your heady diet of provolone it's been a few few times over the past couple of years and you just didn't make it. I have been fine. My son, I don't want to say this too loud because he's old enough to kind of get it now,

be like a little embarrassed, he shit his pants today. Oh no. Today. Isn't he 14? No, he has been super good and it really is not an accident situation. It's not his fault. He doesn't know yet.

He's four. The difference between an upset stomach, diarrhea toot, and a diarrhea it actually comes out, he didn't really know. And he was like, oh, my God. And ran to the bathroom. And he was just so funny afterwards. He was it was just too late daddy i was like yeah yeah he was like so logical yeah that's something like you don't you're not born with that ability to discern and control it one has to do some calibration of the sphincter to actually understand the difference yeah it takes experience you know uh yeah and it's a lot of intricate muscle work it's a skill you lose

with age too which is the sad part once you figure it out enjoy these golden years when we're at our ability i mastered that i mastered control of my butthole three years ago. And already I can feel I'm losing a little bit. It's a brief window. I used to be able to pick up wooden blocks with my anus. Like Lincoln Logs? Lincoln Logs, Legos. And now they just slip right out of its grasp. Oh, that's a shame.

You're out of practice. I love how That's a shame. You're out of practice. I love how it's a brief window of penis mastery. For all our Sydney fans, we're definitely a different energy this evening without Sydney. Talking about sphincter control. We'll check in with her next week, see how her butt's doing. In the meantime, Matthew, you've had some parenting woes yourself today it sounds like uh you're dealing with some classic sleep issues oh no it's she's fine it's just the the this this

the three-hour period of when she gets home from daycare and goes to bed i don't think i i don't think i've ever had a busier period of time working in restaurants. So you don't mean putting her down is a problem. You mean her being awake is the problem. You mean the times of the day when you need to hang out with her. Her mere existence. Yeah. No, no.

It's like, okay, get her home from daycare and feed her and then make dinner for her and make dinner for us. And then you wanted us on here an extra half hour early. So then I was trying to do dishes and help Caitlin. It's just so funny. Same, same thing over here. Same thing over here. I'm like furiously doing dishes.

I'm like, got to be the bath. Cause there's a P, uh, not PTA, like parent teach, whatever. It's like, see the kids classroom tonight. And I couldn't go because of this. Yeah. Back to school night. That's what it is is and so aaron went we had a sitter and everything and uh i was telling the guys as we were like about to go live i heard my daughter screaming crying and i'm like and she's out there with a sitter and i'm like ah give me two minutes so that's why we started a little late apologies nish i go down and my wife's right there and she's just wailing crying because the babysitter left and i was like okay everything's fine i'll go back in and do the show

but it is it's just like such a shit show dinner to bed is a it's a shit show it is it is is i i the best analogy i have is when i was like working in like restaurant kitchens, it was like, he was like constantly moving and like constantly like, okay, I got to throw that thing on that over there and do that thing. And then, Oh no, someone's going to die if I don't pick her up.

Um, yeah, that's in the weeds as they call it in the weeds. Isn't it nice to know that by the time you have children, it will be when they're looking for their real father and their. I look forward to that. I hope there's their 30s. I look forward to that. I hope there's some out there. I got to do that 23andMe.

I got to find those. 23andMe said they got a result that's like you are 18% skid. Skid is a category on 23andMe. It is. I got to find out my ratio. Jared, I cut you off. I'm what were you gonna say well i was just gonna say about the children like it's so much work kind of getting them to bed getting them fed keeping them safe but after 18 years they think you're lame and leave the house and don't come back um so it's not worth it and we've all been it doesn't seem to be

I'm a little confused by the whole process the appeal of it honestly I don't understand I think my way is better just have kids you don't know about probably out there somewhere and then they come at you as full adults like where were you my whole life

and you get to explain and then you get to redeem yourself and you're just hanging yeah and then you get to redeem yourself and you just yeah hanging out with adults much easier you're hanging out with another adult and that sounds way better let's go do drugs uh well we are we are back here tonight and it's uh these are the last few days of september here on twitch uh i don't know if you guys are big fans of sub-tember uh but for the last couple days of september you can gift a

sub uh to the only channel in the fucking world as far as i know i haven't checked that does five days a week of ttrpg streaming because that's what that was that's what goes on in the glass cannon network so you want to give the gift that keeps on giving at a 25% discount, get some gift subs out there in September. Do you remember the 29th day of September? September. Those guys went to my high school. Did they?

Of course they did. Yeah, they did. I'll point it out every time. All of them? There's like 40 guys? Three of them. Three of them. Three of them.

Was it Earth, Wind, and Fire? Yeah. So the other elements, I don't know. They weren't even named. Was Water an original member of the band that they kicked out? Yeah. He's the Pete Best of Earth, Wind, and Fire. Let's talk about last week. Or not last last week let's talk about four days ago yeah again i'm telling you now's the time if you want to mute it so we keep the viewer count up

but don't don't listen and don't watch you can watch just don't listen uh to what you what has been going on there are a lot of hoops to enjoying this show with you. You know that? Yeah. You really make the customer journey difficult, Drew. The only network that makes you work while you watch. They call it the customer challenge here at the Glass Gala Network. Use that in your September pitches, folks.

folks. You have been forced to stop in the small port city of Riverton, right on the edge of the River Kingdoms, to resupply. This wasn't something that you were planning to do, but your boat captain, feisty little halfling Skywyn Freeling, has taken too many people aboard since you left Threshmore, because she's got a good heart and she can't say no. And so you've been burning through rations and supplies too quickly. She would have preferred not to stop in Riverton,

actually, because it's a town full of these fanatical handspur worshippers. He is a forbidden deity known only as the Water Rat. Not an evil deity. In fact, a neutral deity. But the practices of this religion are a little out there. So you stop there, and her plan is to get in and get out because every day at sundown, there's a worship ceremony that everyone in town, visitor or local, has to take a part of.

She wants to get in, get the supplies, and get out. She rows a small little dinghy to shore with Aldo, Atticus, Sir Julie, and your new traveling companion, Ave Maria. and your new traveling companion, Ave Maria. You row with her to shore, and she takes off to go grab what she needs, just as you're greeted by this wide-eyed elf named Nyrel Twiceborn. He is the spiritual leader of this town of Hansper worshippers. As he walks up, there are several women following close behind him

that he later refers to as his wives. He says that he's not the leader of Riverton. It is, in fact, they are all servants of Hansper. Hansper is the true leader, and the Selen River is his sanctuary. So he starts talking, and while not so subtly trying to convert you to his god, he also mentions that he's seen all of you before in his dreams, and that recently a boat came to shore with a captain

inquiring about all of you, rattling off all of your physical descriptions. Nyrall felt unease about this man right off the bat and swears that while he was talking to him, he heard the boat behind him laughing as the two of them spoke. This red-sailed boat seemed to emit laughter. The next morning, the boat and its captain were gone. Nyrell hands you a ruby and leaves, a ruby you now know to be a Lang ruby.

Harmful, harmless, and magicless, but a strange gift. Right after that, Aldo senses movement from above as this dracolisk, a half-dragon, half-bassalisk creature comes swooping out of what looks like a makeshift nest in the trees down onto the party. After spraying all of you with poison, it quickly petrifies Ave into stone. Soon thereafter, Aldo is petrified as well. You do your best, you fight bravely, but the gods were against you as it continued to wail on the party. Atticus was able to give Ser Julie the power of flight just before he was knocked unconscious. Ser Julie flew at the

creature and watched in horror as it snapped its savage jaws around the statue of Ave, turning it and her to dust. And with Aldo petrified and Atticus bleeding out, the Draculis landed a devastating blow on Sir Julie, just as Skywyn came running back to fire several bolts into the creature to finish it off. But the bite on Ser Julie was too much, as she then fell

to the now rocky shore and died. I listened back to the episode to go over in hindsight, you know, mainly rules things. The multitude of disastrous errors.

To prepare your defense when people accuse you of cheating? It wasn't as bad as you thought and it favored you as much as it did me. I thought so too. And as I went through and I saw all of the errors, the fact of the matter is

even if we had done everything 100%, it would have ended up as bad, if not worse, especially based on my tactics at the end where I was giving you an opportunity for it to not be a TPK. Unfortunately, things are really bad. So let's open today's session on like a featureless blue sky. There's not even a cloud there. You hear the sound of water lapping nearby. And from the sky, our view starts to come downward, and we see a small keelboat in the distance, maybe 60 feet or so away. And we keep swooping downward until we see a body lying on the

shore, face down. It's wearing a white cape that's stained with blood, blood that has turned the water around the body crimson as well. crimson as well. It's like a low tide coming in, maybe just gently lapping at the face of Sir Julie Andrews. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is open. And we just see a small little crab

walk up and start picking at her lip and as her lip twitches we now see a much younger Sir Julie Andrews and her lips are moving, not so much twitching but

maybe moving in silent prayer. Or maybe she's just speaking to herself. And then as we pull out, we see that all around her, and beneath a fiery red sky, lies devastation. It's just the wreckage of war. Bodies, blood, blasted and broken siege engines, severed human limbs, bleeding out onto vivisected demon appendages.

Just absolute senseless carnage. The battle lines are drawn on opposite sides of what might have once been a city. Now there is nothing but the earth beneath the booted feet of the combatants. Maybe people lived here once, but all evidence of life and civilization gave way to the war long ago. On either side of this no-man's land, both sides are at rest for the night, but on one side, dug into a trench, are dozens of young soldiers clutching their longswords and their spears and their shields,

just huddled together in the blood-soaked earth, and they're, like, lined up all along the trench, doing what soldiers most often do. Wait. Wait. Wait. And talk. One of them's like, My mother told me

to use butter. The other one's like, Then your mother has the brains of an ox. It's oil, onions, and garlic. Then you brown the meat. Only a cow browns their meat. You call my mother a cow? She birthed you, didn't she? They all laugh.

It's not like their hearts are really in the laughter. They're terrified. You can see it even as they're laughing. They're trying to fill this dread silence. You think they'll make us go over the top tonight? I don't know I heard there's demons buried under the ground between here and their lines

You think that's true? I don't know It's suicide If they make us go tonight, it's suicide Then, as they're talking from somewhere down the line, a voice pipes up. The Lady of Graves will come for us all, of course. The three soldiers turn, and standing somewhere in the middle of the line is our young knight. Her golden armor, spotless, gleaming even in the dark red night, familiar to us but quite young.

And she grins. That is the certainty. There is only one question. Not if. Not if, but when. Yes, Sir Julie, I know, I know. Wrong. Not not if but how maybe she steps out of the line now and begins to walk along the line of soldiers and they just like look up at her as she passes they may order us over the top at any time. We may meet our end at any time as well. Today, tomorrow. And we have pledged ourselves to this cause because we know it is right and good.

In the belief that this will lend our death some meaning. But death has no meaning. Death is but death. Life is what has meaning. And if the end may come for me at any time, that I intend to make the most of this life. It may be short, but when the Grey Lady comes for me,

I shall have made sure that I have tasted as much as there is to taste, and felt all there is to feel, and seen all there is to see, so that I may meet the Grey Lady not with fear, but with a warm and hearty welcome. Who's with me? I imagine now more of the soldiers are watching Sir Julie talk and maybe like nodding along to what she's saying. Now come, stand up. I do not know what is to come this night, but if the dawn flower grants us a tomorrow, there's a bit of calf I would like to compose an ode to.

And in the meantime, our cause is just, this life is short. So we must be ready, that is all. What? Do you want to live forever? She draws her great sword Holds it up to the sky And all the other soldiers and knights do the same And the Lord Commander suddenly appears along the ride

And he yells out, he's like We go over the top on my command Don't stop running Whatever you do, I'll see you on the other side! And all the soldiers gather together to make ready to climb up over the top of the trench. And Sir Julie looks over at that first soldier and nods at him. Fear not. I have a suspicion the goddess is with us tonight.

Trust me, if you had seen the calf of Sir Zanzibar, you would not want to make your exit quite yet either. She winks. Oh yeah, Zanzibar! Yeah! You were banging that dude! Old Zanzibar McIntosh, Zanzibar Mac! She says that, she winks, and the Lord Commander just raises his sword and shouts out,

On my command! No! We see everyone just rush up, over, as we come back to the beach at Riverton. From there, we go over, we start kind of like scanning over parts of the beach here. So we leave Sir Julie, and we go over to a part of the shore that's all sand

where there's just chunks of rubble and pebbles scattered about what looks like a broken statue with only two small feet left standing on the ground. The rest of the statue is completely destroyed. In the distance beyond that, there's another statue. This one's still completely whole. A statue of Aldo Casimir, locked in the pose of throwing a bomb. And a few feet away from him lies a small ratfolk.

Unconscious, covered in poison. You can tell he's covered in poison spray. And his breathing is... He's still breathing, but it's starting to slow down and almost come to a stop. And then what happens next all happens really quickly. We see Skywind just, like, come flying into frame and grabbing a bottle at her bell, fumbling with it, uncorking it, and just throwing it down Atticus's throat.

And Atticus, you're just like, you're at the brink. I think you were dying too. So she would have had time to get over there and do this before you die. And you start to come to but just as you do you like feel yourself being lifted up and you look and you

see all those women that were with Nyril twice born like pulling Skywynn away from you and Nyril is picking you up and dragging you towards the water and he just lifts up and dragging you towards the water. And he just lifts up your face and says, The water rat delivers!

And then buries your face and holds you down under the water. And you're like choking as the water is going into your mouth and down into your lungs. is going into your mouth and down into your lungs. And from there, as you're trying to struggle against that, you're taken someplace else, and you're struggling and you're struggling, and then you just see yourself just mercilessly beating someone to death. Just like...

The struggling turns into... Just like... And a face just caving in under your blows. to death. Just like, the struggling turns into you just like, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, and a face just like caving in under your blows. Where else do you go in this moment? The moment of your death.

Yeah, seriously. The drowned god. I think he goes back to the place where he attempted the mind swap with James. To play that, like, sort of, like, in-between space

where his ritual got fouled up and like a Yithian came in and like swapped minds with him instead of him swapping minds with James. And he's like back there again. All this knowledge that he gained from that Yithian is like, it's unimaginable, right? Unfathomable. He can't grasp it, but every once in a while it flows into his head at odd times.

But when he comes back this time, the event has happened, but the Ithian isn't there. And it's just James is just sitting there in a chair reading a book. And James is just like, looks up at him. He's like, I've been waiting for you.

And then it goes away again. Xantar, King of the Zugz. You are below deck here Maybe you haven't been feeling well A little seasick No, I feel great It's a miracle

I've just been busy Life gets away from me, you know? Did I not respond to your text? I'm so sorry. What was all that noise on the shore? Oh, my God. It's sitting here in drafts. I'm so sorry.

You're below deck and you hear screaming coming from above deck. Do you stay below deck? Rush hear screaming coming from above deck. Do you stay below deck? Rush, no, of course not. Rush on all fours. Ape leaping onto the deck and looking with my keen eyesight at the shore. You look at your keen eyesight to the shore and you just see this, like, what looks like a dragon just laying waste to your friends. Last you heard, they rode with Skywind to shore. She only wanted to, it only fits four people in a dinghy, whatever the reasons were.

You look over there now and there's just like, you see it, like, go down and grab at something and it just explode into a million pieces. And it's all happening very, very fast. Uh, he, uh, he screams, ah, ah, ah, and, uh, immediately just leaps into the water. But, um, you know, while he's very good at climbing and jumping from tree to tree, he's not the greatest swimmer. So I feel like he's just like, you know, struggling, like to keep his's not the greatest swimmer so i feel like he's just like you know struggling like to keep his head above the water and he's just like his arms are just kind of ineffectually like uh keeping him afloat as he slowly crawls through the water toward where his friends are dying

you're just slowly crawling are you wearing armor uh actually got rid of the armor because i have enough unarmored uh protection with my class that i i don't need it that's what i figured so it's it's not that that at least is making it slightly easier but you're not a great swimmer like you said so you're making your way there and you're just every time your head comes up if you're doing like a crawl stroke you just see more people falling and you know that like how are you gonna ever make it there in time from there we cut back to atticus staring at james you said sitting on the stage it's a small it's like a small bookshelf and a chair and like a reading light that's coming from nowhere just over the chair and he's holding a book and it's just blackness in every direction around it it's like a dreamscape

basically and james is like i've been waiting for you i've been waiting for you there is something that i need to tell you There is something that I need to tell you. How? How is it that you are still here? I saw you die. And his mouth starts moving, but you don't hear what he's saying. But it looks like he's telling you something very intense.

And you just hear, Atticus. Att hear, Atticus. Atticus. Atticus. And you're just, you're pulled back to shore and Skywind is like shaking you. Atticus. Atticus, come to. Atticus.

Rat teeth flying into the water. You skipped one of them on the water. He's like coughing up, choking up water. He's like, they're dead. They're all dead. And we are all dead, aren't we? Wait. Wait. Wait. And he gets his bearings and stands up in the water,

and he thinks that he's dead. He thinks that James was beckoning him to the next world, but it didn't look like whatever it was that he saw when he saw his father when he was dying, too. So he's very confused. But as he gets his footing in the water, he sees, I'm assuming, the gospel leader of the water rat and all of the women still standing on shore, right? Or are they gone?

You don't. They're not there at all. In fact, you're still on the sand. Okay, in that case, who's shaking him awake? The captain? Skyward. Am I dead? Is it over?

No! No, you're still alive, but I think you're the last one! Look! And as you turn to look, you see Xantar, like, swimming to shore, and he gets there at the same time as she's pointing around but you look and you see Sir Julie lying face down in the water you see a broken bits of a statue

and you start to remember Ave and then you look and you see Aldo frozen right next to you he stands up, pushes himself up and is just overcome he feels, I can only imagine, so horrendously

awful. Wasn't it the breath weapon poison? Doesn't it just do poison damage? He took 84 points of poison damage before he went down. So he has this horrible sickness, these waves of nausea.

These echoes of it are still there, even though he's been healed. And he peers around and it's like, no. And he looks at Aldo and runs to Sir Julie because she does not appear to be stoned and she's face down in the water. It's like, help her, for goodness sake. What are you thinking? And he just dives into the water and starts grabbing at her face to try to pull her up out of the water. You grab her and, I mean, you turn her over and she's blue.

Help me! Help me! He's screaming to the captain. Skywind comes over and just takes one look and... Her belt! She keeps potions on her belt! Grab one! Grab one! Grab one! And he's like reaching into the water into the wet sand. She's pulling you back. She says, Atticus, save those. You may need them.

She's gone. Yes, please save those. She lives! Wait, I was... Oh, the Donflower is with us this day. No, she can't. She can't be gone. His voice drops.

She was the strongest of all of us. Is the dragon gone? She scared it away or she finished it off? The dragon is laying on its side. It's just like... Very heavy breathing. Can I be inspecting the creature? Yeah, you can. While Atticus is having his moment there, you can walk over to this large creature. Yeah, you can let Atticus having his moment there. You can walk over to this

large creature, six-legged dragon, green scaled, and it's just heavy breathing. It's got three crossbow bolts, and it's got singes from all of Aldo's bombs. It will die shortly,

but it's like it needs to be put out of its misery. I look at the damage, it is rot. And as a hunter in the jungles of the dreamlands, I know how to do this kind of thing. I pull my clan dagger, and I go directly to the artery in its neck. That will put it out of its misery quickly.

And I push my knife in and feel, oh, is it? And I've been quickly out, because its blood is probably poisonous or something like that. With concentrated acid for blood. These are your words. These are your words. Concentrated acid for blood. These are your words.

These are your words. So you find that place and you stick that dagger in. You do it in a way to keep yourself safe should it spray some sort of acidic blood. And the blood begins to come out. Atticus, you hear that and maybe a from the creature and you look over and you just see this blood coming out and

hitting the ground and you just your mind is taken to like you as a child reading books and reading about the Draculis give me an Arcana check 27 and reading about the Draculis. Give me an Arcana check. 27.

27. You know that if you coat a statue in this Draculisk blood that hasn't been dead for over an hour, it can remove the petrification from the statue. Oh, that's awesome. Wow.

So hang on. So permanent. I'm glad it didn't get away. If we get some crazy glue for Ave and put the statue back together within an hour and then coat it in its blood, she'll be fine? Atticus, you are intelligent enough to know that should you do that, what you would see would be horrific. It would be pieces of Ave. Pieces of flesh, yes. I think you need to read Grant Morrison's run on New X-Men.

Pieces of Ave was Ave's first album, wasn't it? Very moving. Personal journey. That's the title track. Santa. And there's like a wave. I'm sorry I was not here sooner, Fred. personal journey that's the title track Santa and there's like a wave I'm sorry I was not here sooner friend stand back

we must let this blood pour off harmlessly into the water he's got he's got sand in his fur and it's just like hanging damp around his mouth and he's wavering on his feet

it is no matter you are here now gather it up the blood gather it and he looks back at Aldo again Aldo may yet be saved

gather it do you have a cup of some kind I pour out my water skin Aldo may yet be saved. Gather it. Do you have a cup of some kind? I pour out my water skin, and I put it up to the jugular of the dracolisk. Bring it here. After you fill it. Yeah, he'll say.

Bring it here. May need some sort of incantation, I don't know. It's just this black blood leaks down from the abdomen of this creature into the water skin. You bring it over, and again, you're just brought back to you as a little boy. I imagine like fairy tale books. Reading about Draculisks, and this is what you're recalling. The story, they would just pour the blood on the statue and it would come back to life

and he'll go up to Aldo as Xantar's walking over and just sort of touch the statue he's very dead it may not work Xantar but there is nothing else to try.

For it, over his head, I cannot reach that high. This is a strange thing you'd have me do. Just do it. Are you sure you are not still crazy from repeated blows to the head? We don't know how long the blood will stay warm. Do it now. Xantar pours the blood over the statue's head. Holy shit.

And it just like makes rivulets down his face and all over his body. And seconds after it touches each part, you see... Oh, that is so freaking cool! You see Aldo start to come back, slowly but surely. A Consolo coming out of Carbonite, with better CGI. And he comes out and

not on my console, collapses to the ground at zero hit points. Skywin, take one of her potions. In fact, take all of them. Matthew's like, already has these on his new character sheet

he's like I'm so mad I'm so mad they died throws one in the water throws a plus one striking greatsword into the ocean I drink one of the potions I just like the taste delicious yeah we'll take a potion and we'll deliver potions. I just like the taste. Delicious.

Yeah, we'll take a potion and we'll deliver a potion to Aldo. Warm liquid. You start to feel it in your throat, Aldo. Your eyes pop open. Aldo, wake up. And he starts like coughing from the as his heart starts beating again from being frozen in stone and just the liquid in his throat his eyes like bugging out of his head and he's like he's like looking around because

i can't remember like what the last thing was that he saw like he doesn't know that they're dead right yeah he saw the creature oh well he saw the creature glaring at him turning him to stone and your mind immediately stops the suspended animation at that point. At that point, I think everybody was alive. Yeah. Was Ave not exploded yet? She was stoned and was not exploded yet, if memory serves. Yeah, so as you get...

Yeah, I remember because Sidney was like, it's so sad. Aldo and Ave Maria are looking at each other across the beach, frozen as statues. Yeah. So yeah, that must be the first thing you see is her statue is gone. But any moment of like hope, you see like crumbled rock all around two little feet.

Yeah. Aldo the Beast is defeated, but not without great cost and he's just like kind of whipping his head around just trying to get his bearings on what's going on

and he sees Julie in the on the beach with the water kind of lapping around her body. He's like, no, no, no, no! And he just pulls himself up and limps, hustles over, and drops down, and he takes out his elixir of life he's got like his his medical kit and you know he's just checking her vitals and everything but even even even

before he does that like he knows that she's she's gone she's like white face with the blue veins super visible crawling up her neck under her face as all the blood is going out. While he's examining her Atticus remembers the broken shards that were of Imria.

He walks over to the rocks bends down on one knee and picks one of the larger chunks up. Holds it. over to the rocks, bends down on one knee, and picks one of the larger chunks up, holds it. Looks like maybe a piece of a hand. Just these

two fingers. And he bares his teeth for a second. See how I backfired on you, did it? Go. see how I backfired on you did it go throws the rock on the ground stands up walks over to Skywin

and while Aldo can't quite hear or maybe he cannot he walks over to Skywin but in a lower tone he's like Did she convince you of it?

Did she convince you that here this spot was the place we must stop? What are you talking about, Atticus? Don't play dumb with me. You're far too smart.

You've spent far too long on this river to know... to not know of what I speak. Atticus, you've been delusional ever since your last trip to who knows wherever you go. She was a woman of the cloth seeking safe passage down to Casimir and now she's perished just like your friend. Was she indeed... Keep your head straight.

A lifelong friend of yours? No. Or had you just met her two days ago? I spoke to her in Razmiran and she seemed pure of heart and I believed her. I'm a great judge of character. I let you on board, didn't I?

You're starting to make me regret it. Why did we come here, then? Why? Because I needed supplies. Because of all the people we took on board. Because of all the trouble that's been following around ever since I brought you on board, as a matter of fact. I overheard what Nyrel said.

That there's someone looking for you. Well, I hope they don't find you when you're aboard my boat. All of those people on that boat will be useless to you in protecting your lives. This one, and he points at the body of Sir Julie,

this is the only one who could prevent harm coming to you and your crew, and you let her die. Taking on all those starving rats. They will do nothing for you. Without her, we are lost. Aldo's, like, he's kind of holding the tears back

and he like sees what's happening and he gets up and just sort of comes over and just sort of lays his hands on Atticus's shoulders. I am glad you survived it, Aldo. Yeah. Let's, uh... Let's save the recriminations for, uh... for later. I don't know how we continue without her. The lighter. Without her, we never would have made it through that devilish brush.

And now we seek to go deeper into an unknown continent. With this fleshy body. This feels, in the moment, this would have to feel like we're fucked here. Yeah, that's what I'm playing on because like she was so tough. Yeah. And like all the stuff that we've run into and barely survived. And now she's gone. And Ave,

you know, we just met her, but like, she's gone too. So it's just you, me and Zantar, like at this moment and me and you, me and, uh, you, me and Atticus

are the only original surviving people from the asylum. Right. Did I hear you say that she was your strongest compared to me? For a while, she was. This is a lie. Xantar is strong.

Xantar can protect you strong yes but level headed I'm not so sure also not consistently available we could have used you a few minutes ago I feel great pain for not having helped I feel great pain for not having helped.

Do not accuse me of cowardice. No, I'm sure that is not what he meant. We are quite distraught, my king. Please, accept our apologies. We know of your strength. Great it is Your handling of that Squirrel situation Was rather magnificent Thank you

But now Well We need to know if you're Able to go the distance All the way to Kazimir And no Dilly-dallying about below decks this time able to go the distance all the way to Kazimir and no dilly-dallying about below decks this time.

We need you. You have my oath that I will always be by your side in every subsequent adventure. Without exception. And I can tell

that you take your oath seriously, and I appreciate it. Skywin, you must get off this shore before dark. Yes. Xantar, can you help us bring the body back? We must give her a proper burial. Yeah, I'll get a dustpan.

Seriously. I think he meant Sir Julie. Sweeping up Ave. No, no, I meant Sir Julie. Ave. Well, still. Her burial is already quite appropriate. Stick a hole.

Just sort of kick her into the sand. Yeah, into the water. Kick her under a water mat. It will smooth the rocks over time. Right, we need to go. And as you're standing there, Nyrel, twice-born, comes back sort of hastily with his train of women.

Where are you going now? What happened here? Okay, so did Atticus have a vision of this drowning? Is that what he's starting to feel like, like a momentary madness? It appears so. He's not quite sure like? Like a momentary madness? It appears so. He's not quite sure. What did you do to me?

He's blinking wide. Crazy eyes. Crazy red eyes. I don't know what you're talking about. You came here and I spoke to you and I walked away and then I heard cries coming from the sky and now there's bodies everywhere you pushed my head beneath those waves you baptized me without my consent I absolutely did not though if you

stay for our ceremony perhaps you can take part in the ritual perhaps you had a vision perhaps hands first spoke to you he's like having a really hard time grasping what's real what isn't he's just Skywind's just like let's get the fuck out of here come on

Aldo's furious that this happened to him that he would do this he's also like terrified because we're in the midst of these people we're on their territory it is getting dark and yeah he wants to get out of here

uh so yeah we'll just say that was a mistake I'm sorry sorry we're using skype I've never seen this before but Jared hit like a dancing penguin and that was not that was really not on purpose but it was just I've never seen that.

I was trying to, like, not laugh at what Skid said. A dancing penguin. I'm sorry, Skid. Sorry, folks at home, didn't get to see that. So Nyro's like, wait, wait, don't leave us. Hansper has called you here. Perhaps you are the water rat. And Skywind is like, let's go.

Carrying Ser Julian. And Atticus is like, stay back. And he yells and he starts to do this incantation. And above his head, the dragon appears. Above his head. Oh, cool. Like looking right at all of them. And it screeches with this horrifying howl.

All his wives like cower and he jumps back as well. And it's just like... People start coming out of their houses now at this point because they've heard the fight. They see this all going on. All the shoreline houses, people are coming out. And Nyrel and his wives are laying down as you guys get in the rowboat and just start to row. Do you continue concentrating on this illusion?

Yeah, I'm not rowing. Yeah, I'll row. Me and Xantar will row. I'll row. I shall row. And he'll have it, like, swooping back and forth like along this the shoreline like just flying I mean he's got a pretty good range on it if he keeps concentrating and moving it

with his actions technically speaking Hansper will find you Hansper will find you if you've been chosen he will find you either when you're awake or when you're asleep and so he's just like yelling on the shore

while this illusion of a dragon is flying. It's got to be a whole fucking scene. Dude, we do not have the budget for this. I apologize. No, we can't. I didn't mean to. Speaking of which, House of the Dragon,

money for dragons is awesome. Because they look pretty damn good. Well, it's because they're using real dragons. That was the big decision. Wow. Makes all the difference. Guys are rowing to shore. You're seeing the scene, and still some of you must be

fixated on the pebbles and rocks of Ave still seeing like a small little stump where her feet still were and you just have to leave her there because she is everywhere. I did grab like a bag of her. Sure, sure, you've got a

part of her. Couldn't get the whole. A bag of Ave was her second album. That was her second album. Sure, sure. You've got a part of her. Couldn't get the whole. A bag of Ave was her second album. That was her second album, that's right. And her sophomore album was a bag of Ave. A bag of Ave was a sleeper hit.

It was not well received at first, but in hindsight it has been. Posthumously, it sold really well. They just wanted in hindsight. Posthumously. It sold really well. She changed up her formula. Yeah, that's right. They just wanted pieces of Ave all over again, but she said no. I'm a more interesting artist than that.

I already did gather them up in a bag, and then... It's all harmonica. That was what people didn't like. I think Pitchfork said, too much harmonica. And you know when Pitchfork says too much harmonica. Yeah, that's going to be a lot.

5.3. I wish Sydney was here. She'd love all that. You know what? Sydney would have loved this. Sydney would have loved this. She'll listen to us. No, she won't.

You get back to the boat, and it didn't take you too long. The boat's only 60 feet away, but getting the body onto the boat takes some time. And then there's just a lot of commotion and hubbub. And so it's taking you a little time. And as it's taking you time, it's getting darker and darker. And as you're ready to shove off, dusk is approaching, and you see, just like what was this whole scene, now turn into a gathering as maybe a hundred or so people

are gathered on shore and Skywind gives the command and you start, you lift anchor and you start going down and you just watch them all like start to remove their clothes and reach down into the

sand and the mud and start coating their bodies in this. And if you look really closely, it looks like Nyrel takes one of his wives and walks her out to the water. And maybe at a certain point, he has to use two hands to walk her out into the water, and he's yelling something. You see him doing all these flourishes with his hands, and all the people are just naked and covered in mud

and sand. And then he says something and he just like buries her head in the water and you just see her body just kicking and kicking and kicking as the Sullen Starling gets farther and farther away, kicking and kicking and kicking. And then stop.

Wait! These people are evil! Darling gets farther and farther away, kicking and kicking and kicking. And then stop. Wait. These people are evil. We should return and murder them. I'm with you, Marleesh. Yeah, Aldo is just, he is watching this. His hands are gripping the rail and he's furious at these people. Like, he can't. Yeah.

and he's furious at these people. Like, he can't... Yeah. He wishes he could throw, like, Johnny Unitas. Like, he wishes he could throw bombs, like, far enough. The scent of their corruption makes me vomit. And then he actually makes himself vomit a little bit. Little chunk comes out. What say you, rat friend?

Let us go back and end their... religion. No one's going back! Skywind just interrupts. She says, it's too late. We're not going back there. Number one, we're outnumbered. Number two, we're already down one of our protectors.

Two of our protectors! As Ave Maria had proved capable in that battle with those Hansper freaks. We're moving on. And Xantar just knocks a bunch of stuff off a table and then climbs on top of the ship. Dinky, pick that up. And you just turn a bend in the wide part of the celling

that whole scene just goes outside blackout from there I think that was day 49 of your journey wow so you've been traveling I think that was day 49 of your journey. Wow.

So you've been traveling on the celling for 49 days. Oh, I thought you meant day 49 since we woke up in the asylum. 49 days just on the boat? Just on the boat, yeah. I might have over-role-played his mistrust and hatred of the captain, who he probably has grown to know quite well over 49 days. But it's the madness. But he's delusional. Yeah.

He's got a lot of paranoia. That's true. And that's only going to get better with time. Obviously, Sir Julie's melancholia has been cured. Thanks, Troy. Blared. Blared. Skywin has been telling

you, you know, day 50 or so. Actually, I would imagine the next day she, if you tried to even talk to her, she doesn't want to talk to you. She gives you all the cold shoulder, and there's just a great to you. She gives you all the cold shoulder. And there's just a great sadness. It's almost as if the melancholia has affected the crew. A great sadness at the loss of Sir Julie.

Revan and Gossa, who Sir Julie was having frequent three-ways with, are just beside themselves. Just the one, but it was legendary. Well, it kicked off a string of three ways on the boat. You've reunited their passion for that kind of sex. And so they... That kind of sex. That kind of sex. That kind of sex.

Or what I say... Are you role-playing Zantac? Ave Maria's third album, That Kind of Sex. Heralded as a return to form. Return to form. Dish the harmonica. She lost the harmonica, but found her soul.

That kind of sex. That's the pitchfork. They're very upset, and they're almost inconsolable. They really found a strong connection to you quickly. And, you know, we've sped through these days. You guys have formed relationships with everyone on there. Even Ave Maria had been on there for a week and a half and made some friends.

And so everyone's just sad. And there's still, like, 50 people on the fucking boat because of of all the thralls you took from that faith barge and then her crew as well. And maybe on day 51, she's like, so tomorrow, she gathers everybody, tomorrow we're making our next stop in a sleepy little town called Debril in the nation of Galt.

Now, like most of the nation, the hundred or so people that live in Debril work as gardeners or performers rather than anglers or river traders, as Galt is known for its vast fields of roses and exotic perfumes. So even though it's a port town, it's a very different way of life. Now, I don't know what you know of Galt.

Although the nation itself is struggling through political strife, the politics of the Revolutionary Council are far, far from the shores of Debril, so we should be fine. I actually have some friends in town, and so, uh... You said this about the last place and everybody died! No, I said I just needed to get supplies! You were downstairs!

Not built sick! I was... I was scouting the shores. I was down in the below deck. Anyhow, I... I do have friends in Dabril And um I'm going to take Dinky, Spinny and Porkchop

With me into town Um we'll meet up with my friends I sent them a letter From two stops ago They know I'm coming And they've arranged hopefully they always do, arrange some good prices on everything we'll need for the next large

leg of our journey. Riverton has helped sort of stem the tide as it were, but I'll need what we're going to get in Debril. So, you may also

while you are there, attempt to recruit more help. He looks at Aldo in particular. We are down a great deal of strength, power on this boat.

Perhaps take a few of these rowers and leave them off in town. Let them find their way. If you don't have room on the boat, but we need a sword and we need it quickly. Half of your council is sound. and we need it quickly. Have your counselors sound. By the way, when you do look at Aldo, he's holding Werner Hedgehog in his hands,

and Werner is like, this little saliva mixture is coming out of his mouth, and he's sort of licking it onto Aldo's wounds, like healing him a little bit. He's like, Aldo, there you go. And he hears an answer, what? Aldo, would you be willing to part with some of the gold that we found to perhaps, I don't know,

give the captain some means of coaxing someone to come with us? No, yeah, absolutely. I don't, I mean... Yeah, no, Werner agrees. We should get all, it doesn't matter. Gold doesn't matter if you're dead. So, it's a help.

He's just thinking, like, Parvum's thinking, like, her judge of character is terrible because he, it wasn't clear before, his delusion is that he doesn't trust Ave Maria. And so he's just kind of like, but, I mean, something is better than nothing.

And he'll try to size up himself, whoever comes on. But if he can't get off the ship, then we're just trying to find somebody. Also, I, metagaming, would like to hear Matthew speak on a game. I would, too. It would be nice for him to be able to speak tonight. Hate to metagame, would like to hear Matthew speak on a game. I would too. It would be nice for him to be able to participate tonight. Hate to metagame, but I'd like Matthew to talk.

I'm good. Matthew is not introducing a new character until the New York show on the 22nd of October. Oh, so he's just here for beer and cookies? Moral support. Beer and cookies. And he had that great scene 20 minutes ago. Oh, so he's just here for beer and cookies? Moral support. Beer and cookies. And he had that great scene 20 minutes ago. That was a great scene.

Hey, by the way, retroactive Bravo bottle cap on the scene. Bottle cap. Thank you. She says, yes, half of your council is sound. I will ask her down. That is a good point. We need more help. I'll see what I can do. As for dropping off some of these

people we've taken aboard, they're not cargo. They are free men and women. If they choose to leave in Debril, they're welcome to. If they'd rather wait for other shores, then that's up to them. So know this, the Edgelord and friends.

Should you choose to leave at Debr Brill, your life is your own. It is a fine country as long as you stay away from everything. Yes, the captain has many friends there. She says it is a safe place. A place away from this horrible river where you could start again. Start a new life he's just like trying to convince people to get off the boat

could I intimidate them into leaving the boat? could I coerce? sure too many mouths taking food too many useless bodies filling the boat survival becomes harder that makes me angry Too many useless bodies filling the boat.

Survival becomes harder. That makes me angry. I don't like to be hungry. It makes me unpredictable. Perhaps some might find a new life in whatever crazy country this is. Indeed. Listen to him. Good luck with rat god people.

He's raving mad. No, we are past the rat god people, and I feel that if you spend too much time on this boat with this one, and he's pointing at the Xantar, he'll eventually snap. He'll lose it. No. No. Reskits. Look at him! He's on the edge. Besides,

Galt is a golden land of opportunity. And he knows what's up in Galt. Galt is basically Robespierre's post-revolutionary France. It's like the bad part of post-revolutionary society. Yeah, but you can like, but the whole thing tell me if I part of, like, post-revolutionary society. Yeah, but you can, like,

but the whole thing, tell me if I'm wrong, Skid, I might be an idiot, but the whole thing is you can convince people that, like, the people are rising up here. Like, the people have the power here. There is no king for you to worry about or to, you know. It's pure anarchy.

It's all anarchy. Right, exactly. And also, by the way, by the way, although, like, Aldo, like, he is literally making this connection to revolutionary France being from Earth. So he's like, he knows, he has a very pretty clear picture of, like, what's

going on here. Yeah, which to Aldo was, what, like, a hundred years ago? Like, not that long ago, right? That was less than a hundred years ago. Less than a hundred years ago. And she realizes, like, people are getting fired up. There's too many people on this boat. A couple people are delusional.

And, you know, this is adding to the overall unease about the boat. And she's like, there's one captain here. Maybe I'll ask the three of you to get off the boat at Debril. And you can find your own way to Casimir. Shape up. Or ship out! She just storms out, pushing past. She knocks Wedgie one into the water.

I simply wanted to give them a choice. You're all just looking at you. Failingly, as she walks away. She's gone. O.J. Simpson's giving you a look like. Oh, here, OJ? You'd rather be here.

I don't know yet. Speak up, OJ. I don't know how I feel. But if I did know, I'd write a book about it. If I knew it. It would be called If I Knew It. If I knew it. It would be called If I Knew It. If I Knew. So yeah, Galt is a nation just...

Right now, it's ruled by anarchy. Basically, when Galt tried to annex itself from Cheliax, it led to a war known as the Red Revolution. And so they succeeded in becoming free, but the new nation was left in complete disarray. And then a year later, the closest thing they had to a leader, I might be paraphrasing

this, was assassinated. And that just further fueled the fires of anarchy. And it's a beautiful nation, but it's just kind of like, it's just ruled now very loosely by this revolutionary council, but they have a tenuous hold at best,

keeping it all together. Right, but don't they like obsessively sort of like summarily execute anyone that is kind of like trying to push against their bare, their like small hold on power. So it's kind of like, you know, uh,

like a crime family briefly being in charge and just like killing anyone. That's a threat. Like it's really, yes, I would say Atticus probably knows of these like inquisitors, uh, that, uh,

are there, uh, judge, jury and executioners. Um, so on day 52, miles 610. Oh, wait, so we stopped there and already left.

No, no, that was day 51. She was telling you, here's what we're doing tomorrow. Got it, got it. Now on day 52, you arrive. And I should let you know, assuming you're continuing to research during these sojourns about the next item you need to go seek in the Dreamlands. By now, you've read up on the next item, which is

a green stone idol. Right? Does it say on roll 20 a... Did I write it there? The list is a greenstone idol of a water lizard. So, you know, the past couple days, you were reading and you realize now

that the information that Laos found on this are in three different books, one called The Festival of the Snake, one called The Forgotten Servants, and one called The Illusion of the Weeping Ones. So you've started to really dig into those tomes, Aldo and Atticus. You're spending the most time with these books with your knowledge of the occult. Yeah, to me, I imagine it as him being so distracted in the day-to-day operations of the

boat and like interactions with everyone and his obsession to like find louse but but survive right now this has added a layer of trauma on it that like he doesn't even feel like he could survive getting there but all of that paranoia and delusion in my mind is non-existent. Once he opens these books, like the focus is so singular and the hold it has on him. These occult readings are so all consuming that he isn't distracted and he isn't thinking about the practical concerns about actually executing this stuff.

He's just like absorbed into it. And it's like a weird escape. Yeah, exactly. And it's pleasurable, it is. It's, like, pleasurable in a way. Because, yeah, he's just, he's loving this occult lore as he gets deeper into it. And, you know, there's been a lot going on.

Obviously, you've lost some people, and it's distracted both of you from your studies. But what you've found so far is that this water lizard that's being referenced is no mere animal. It is apparently a representation of Bokrug, one of the unimaginably powerful great old ones. Wait, what is this you're looking for an idol of a water lizard so you're reading these books trying to gain knowledge and that's what the idol is of

the idol is of a great old one a great old one okay that sounds safe so no but Aldo fear not this is the Dreamlands. Here, we have more control. We're learning how to move within it.

Learning how to manipulate its weaknesses. We can do this. We can do it. And he's like... A little on edge. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, right. Good on ya. Yeah, this is very nervous like talking to just hang

like that I guess right now hang a piece of meat in front of Zantan throw it down the stairs go in and we'll have him there yeah he's like that isn't he great I do not desire your meat yes I heard everything you said I was back behind the door so sorry I didn't see you there

you should stop going into the dreamlands rat every time you go it takes another piece of you look what it did to me trapped there for many years and I can see it happening to you. You're leaving pieces of yourself behind.

The Dreamlands exacts a greater toll than living in this world. Zanta, I have- And then he goes and finds some meat to eat. You pull into Debril sailors jump off dinky porkchop even spinny

tie the boat off and Skywind says the three of you you're staying with the others I'm just taking the three of them into town to meet my friends you must stay here and watch over the boat. Although Debril is generally peaceful, it's unwise to leave any ship unguarded anywhere in Galt.

And safety in numbers, although only three of you are truly able-bodied enough to protect the vessel, just a show of strength will look good, but I'm not expecting any trouble. We'll be back. Spitty, dinky. Walked up. Put that down.

He puts it down. And they leave. You're just sitting on this dock, and it's a big dock. It's not like Riverton, like one boat. There's like seven or eight boats it's a pretty bustling little town and it is beautiful

as described every house has a garden attached to it beautiful trees it's got a very pleasant feel which kind of goes antithetical to everything that you may have heard about Galt but this far away from the action it makes sense that this might be the last feel, which kind of goes antithetical to everything that you may have heard about Galt.

But this far away from the action, it makes sense that this might be the last vestiges of paradise. The paradise that it could be. There's a lot of fisherfolk. There's a few anglers in fisherfolk, but there are also people selling perfumes on the dock as well. Maybelers in Fisherfolk, but there are also people selling perfumes

on the dock as well. Maybe a couple sex workers, but it's actually pretty nice. Is it as ominous as this music is making it? No, it's... Change the music. Because I'm like, everybody, you're like,

couple sex workers music. Make sure it sounds French. Yes. Oh, that would be awesome. Do you have any French sex workers music. Make sure it sounds French. Yes. Oh, that would be awesome. Do you have any French sex worker music? I wish I did. Zooby, zooby, zooby. Zooby, zooby, zooby.

Something from like Piero LeFou. Piero LeFou. All right. So as you're standing there, you know, watching, there's people coming in and out. And a lot of people are looking at your boat because you just have a lot going on there with all these people that you took on. And like a hunchbacked older man comes up approaching the boat. And he just kind of like knocks on the side of it. I imagine.

Ho there! You... Oh, there. Keep your hands off. I don't mean any trouble, good sirs. Don't mind me saying so. Your boat looks very nice but you got a lot of people

on there and I have to admit it looks fairly undefended. Oh, you think so? Well, far be it from me to judge, but a boat that sturdy and beautiful with a crew that large should have more able-bodied warriors fighting for it. Oh, and do I not look like a warrior to you? And he sort of steps out, like, exposing himself.

Is that the way I mean it? Exposing himself to the man. All right, I'll talk to the next boat. That was horrible. Where's that music coming from? God damn it. Theotar steps out. He is also completely naked. God damn it. Theotar steps out. He is also completely naked.

A new way to look undefended now, fool. Or do we look ready to... I can't... Look at us. What do we look like? Atticus steps up and exposes himself. Pervatum. I know.

I'm just trying to say it was probably like barely a voice, maybe a small head popping over, but he's going to come out and show how weak and small he looks.

But he doesn't care. He's like projecting this air. God damn it, Matt. God damn it. Just digging a hole. Good for you, little guy. I have to say, you look like more

of a performer than a warrior. No offense, but I just see one strong fella there, but the rest of you, to surprise a boat that large, doesn't have a worthy group of mercenaries protecting it. And then he just hears, a worthy group of mercenaries protecting him, like from right behind him. And Atticus is just staring at him. You all right there, son?

We're just fine, thank you. son? We're just fine, thank you. Please, if you are so convinced of the lack of defensibility of this boat, give it your all. I relish in it. No, no, no.

Perhaps this strange man doesn't mean us ill. Please, continue. Are you such a man that could procure us some of these mercenaries of which you speak? Well, I can procure them because my fighting days are over, as it were. And that's the reason I came over.

I spend a lot of time. Yeah. More of an agent, are you? Your sneaky words sounded like threats. Did you say I look Asian? No, I said more of an agent. More of a broker, are you? I actually am an Asian, and I was like, what does that have to...

It's a weird thing to say. It's a weird thing to say. Me wife's Asian. But anyway, an Asian, sure. A broker. A broker, yeah. My fighting days are long over, but there's a fellow

over here. I know he's looking for work. I spend a lot of time here on these docks, you know, just fucking around and whatnot, and I became friendly with this fella, and he just sits there all day whittling. Well, rumor has it he's a great fighter,

even though he passes his time just working with sticks and knives. I could bring him over. Oh, maybe if you're allowed to get off your boat, you could go talk to him yourself. Aye, let us go and speak with this man forthwith. Oh, aye. Come with me. And who's another idiot that's on the boat right now?

Wet knees, dimples. Pancakes? Pancakes. No, pancakes are one of the thralls. All right, we'll say wet knees comes over. It's like, hey, Skywin said... Is this the first time wet knees is speaking? We haven't talked to wet knees.

Hey, hey, guys, wait. What? Skywin said you're supposed to stay on the boat and protect it. You can't be leaving. Oh, indeed. You are correct. Yes, of course. Aldo, please, we are here, and we are in

control. Have him bring this so-called warrior to us. Now, yeah, that's a good point. I was sort of looking forward to seeing the new setting, but yes, produce this erstwhile warrior forthwith,

strange broker. All right. No problem. I can try and convince him. Produce this erstwhile warrior forthwith, Strange Broker. No problem. I'll control and convince him. And he walks away hunchbacked. And he comes back with a... Well, what does this man look like, Matthew? He is tall, over six feet, well built. He looks pretty strong.

But he's wearing thick glasses and is carrying no weapons or armor whatsoever. This is the man right here. I told you, great warrior. What are you bringing us? He's just a big nerd. He looks just a big nerd. Where is his beard? Where's just a big nerd. He looks like just a big nerd. Yes, I heard. Where are his tattoos?

Yeah. If he is a great warrior, where is his weapon? All I see is a whittling knife. Oh, yeah. Hi. Nice to meet you. I can whittle. It's my passion, actually.

Yeah, so he pulls out a little dollhouse chair. Nice to meet you. I can whittle. It's my passion, actually. Yeah, so he pulls out a little bit, like a little dollhouse chair. He puts it on the gunwale. Oh. That one I'm particularly proud of. It took me a little while to get the detailing and the cross-stitching. So there's that one. And he pulls out a chest of drawers, a little tiny chest of drawers.

And he's like, those drawers actually work. You can pull them out and store things inside. I mean, I don't know what you'd store in them, but you can use it. Good sir nerd, as oppressive as all this is, I don't think your skill set is suited to our needs, so leave your resume and we'll be in touch

next time we're in this horrible part of the world. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what kind of needs do you have? Well, we recently lost a friend who was quite good at killing our enemies, to put it bluntly.

Yes, we need the services of a warrior, of a fighter. So there's going to be violence involved. Oh, a great deal. Oh, a great deal, and almost daily, I believe. Right, Aldo? Basically, yeah. We've had a few breaks, but it's on average. In some cases,

one fight a day. Multiple times a day. Even more. More. Yeah. And does violence usually end in killing? Oh, yeah. Invariably.

Yes, we don't take, as they say, take prisoners. No. We don't have the room for one thing. It's both four. Sometimes we eat their bodies yeah he eats them he right i mean okay that's a little weird but um i'm just assuming that uh the uh you don't want the you no questions asked about all the all the corpses that uh sound like they pile up no no more corpses the The more corpses, the better, as far as we're concerned.

Is that right, Alder? Yeah, I mean, pretty much. I mean, we just, we don't, I mean, we produce them at just an incredible rate, so it would be easy to lose track. What any of you wanted for murder? I feel like I should just ask that right off the bat. And Atticus flashes to him just like beating

a dude to death and like that revenant coming and like coming for us for his murder. And he's just like Of course not. No. No. No. Not murderers.

No. It's simply self-defense. There is a great deal of criminal element in these parts, and we need to protect these poor people. In fact, Aldo, we could, if you, sir, are so willing. What is your name, by the way? The name's Ethel Merman. Get out of my sight, you bastard. This is not your name.

It is shameful. No, no, that's his name. That's his name. Some of us spend several hours trying to put together a serious broadcast, a game that is meant to be taken seriously by people. And you, your hair too. I don't understand why you think. Sell little doll chairs and make jokes.

I do not understand this new character. It's Ethel. It's my father's name. Lord Whittles in Wood and calls himself Ethel. It's Ethel with a little accent mark over the E and a Y. And then Merman. The E in Merman has a little circumflex above it. It's a family thing.

Are you descended from Merman? Well, I suppose it wouldn't be an unreasonable thing for a person to, a family name to be after an established, fantastical creature that lives and swims under the seas of this world. Oh, no, there's two N's in Merman. It's a whole different thing. Oh, then I don't understand at all. What is the point?

I gave you an out. Why are you not taking it? I can't lie about my family history. I'm a family man, you see, and I, well, let's just say I think I could provide some of the services you need. Of course, the violence, that costs a little extra. But. Well, look, I mean. What are you offering?

I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we have to know that you're good at dealing out violence and not, you know, protecting us from saying. Oh, I can vouch for him. He's good. There was this one guy who came out of a bar and, well, I don't want to tell stories, but he's good. He's the best of them. Is he? Well, you know what? I prefer to make

these judgments myself, by my own eyes. So, how about we have Ethel Merman here fight O.J. Simpson? And O.J. like was reading the paper. Why don't we have Ethel Merman fight O.J. Simpson. And O.J. like was reading the paper. Why don't we have Edel Mervin fight O.J. Simpson? I never thought the story would come to this,

but here we are. No, we need a truce challenge. Have him fight O.J. and Wet Knees. Yes. O.J. and pancakes. See if he can take them all on. Everyone on the boat, come off the boat. Alright.

I suppose I can throw this one to you for free. You want them dead? You want me to kill them? No, no, of course not. Of course not. And he winks at you. No, we want them alive. But I do wonder what... Do you need a weapon, sir? I don't worry about it

Oh OJ OJ's like What's going on, man? This is weird I was just Doing the crossword Do you believe that you could

Test this one's metal? He's wearing glasses and carves little doll tables. I don't think it will be too much trouble. But if you fight him, I will personally give you a gold piece. O.J. Simpson looks over the side of the boat at this unarmored guy with little doll-like furniture. He pulls out a little four-posture bed with a canopy. He doesn't want to break it in the scuffle. He's just sitting gingerly aside before the...

And the juice is like, what do I get if I beat him? Oh, I'll pay you a gold piece to fight him and I'll double it if you win I'm sorry is there is there currency being exchanged on this test hey quiet down Nancy you're trying to prove your worth

oh no you're trying to prove your worth, and I'm going to knock your head off. And he starts climbing down. Yes! Oh, my God. Ethel Merman being O.J. Simpson. Oh, my God.

O.J. Simpson. I choose your fighter. I finally get to say I'm on O.J. Simpson's side. Yeah, maybe Pancake And whoever the remaining crew Are starting to like take bids And they're all betting heavy on OJ Simpson I just wanted to clarify He's gonna get him

I just wanted to clarify Doc It's S-I-M-P-S-Y-N For everybody Just so you know No similarities And the juice is J-O-O-Y-N. Right. It's just so you know. I mean, no similarities. And the juice is J-O-O-S-E. Right. It happens to be his nickname.

Similar sounding nickname. The juice Simpson. Well, how did he get a nickname J-O-O-S-E? Because OJ is juice, but he wanted to spell it cool. Okay, so he just wanted to be different. The juice, yeah. Okay. And he's like, let's go. The juice is loose.

And tell me what you do to this guy. Alright, alright. I'll let you have one for free. I'm a family man. I don't want to just go straight to killing.

OJ looks back at everybody on the boat. Watch this! And he's like, nice doll chair. Wham! Right in the face. Oh, my God. And then Ethel turns back and seemingly out of nowhere draws a war hammer in one hand and a hatchet in the other. Oh, my God.

I thought we were just using hands and fists. What? No one told me those rules. And then he just says a slash slash. And yeah, he just devastates O.J. Simpson. O.J. Simpson just turns into three pieces on the deck. Oh no! He doesn't kill him.

He hits him really hard. He bleeds out and then breaks his ribs. Alright, so he just crumples in one round. You want me to provide medical attention? That's actually a service i can provide as well i can't feel my feet yes indeed we'll cost you a little extra i can't feel my legs

and uh i'm picturing sorry skit i'm picturing uh ripley in the loader and the sergeant just being like, oh yeah. And he's like, can I heal him up? He's like, pay 12, please. Pay 12, please. And by all means, please, heal him up. Yes. So then Ethel sheaths his warhammer and his hatchet and they just seemingly disappear.

And then he goes... They vanish, like right before the eye. Oh, Atticus. Wow. I love this dude. And he just kneels down over O.J. Simpson. And you see all of a sudden his hands are... His spotless white gloves on.

And he just reaches down and he touches O.J.'s... The caved-in breastbone where he hit him with a warhammer. And he touches himJ's caved in breastbone where he hit him with a warhammer and he touches him and heals him for 14 points of damage. Wow. I can feel my toes. The irony of OJ Simpson getting his

life saved by a gloved man. Oh, the irony. Well, Mr. Merman, I do believe... What is this wicked sorcery you practice? Yes, I am curious myself. I provide several services, but now that the demonstration portion of the negotiation is concluded, would you like to make me an offer?

I don't come for free. I don't work for free. A plus 10% finder's fee, as it were. Well, we can pay you a reasonable amount of gold now. Yeah, we've got some cash up front as sort of a signing bonus. Some cash up front as sort of a signing bonus. And then what do you say to a fifth share of all treasure, which should be ample? Hold on a moment. Just let me clarify something.

The engagement in which we find ourselves, and he looks to Aldo, and he also looks to Xantor, who came from the dragons. The engagement we find ourselves in is rather personal, and is not a treasure hunt. What we seek is far away,

and will take you far from these shores. For that, I am willing to compensate you for more than just the paltry sum some mercenary may receive. You should receive even

shares across the board with all of us. I personally am looking more for knowledge on this quest than treasure. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we're not super interested. We're not here to enrich ourselves.

Although we have come across a certain amount of material wealth over the course of this. So, I mean, if that's what you're interested in, I mean, I'm certain. And as a matter of fact, he pulls out the Leng Ruby. See? Just a sample. Massive fist-sized ruby. An even share, so 25% of whatever you find is what you're offering?

I believe so. So 25% of whatever you find is what you're offering? I believe so. I can't. This is assuming a full compliment, ultimately. But yeah. Yes. An even share plus a signing bonus. And I want a four in case we don't find that much.

Plus 10%! Agreed. You will have no problem finding your flaw. Mr. Merman. And he's like looking quizzically at the doll chair. It's really bothering him. He's like Lester in The Wire. Look, I hate to be, I don't

like being too hasty with an offer, but what you did to OJ there was rather inspiring. But I do wonder, if I may ask, why is it that you find yourself on this dock whittling away when you could be off doing much greater things? when you could be off doing what's great to think? Well, it is my dream to open up a store in which I can sell the wares I make in my whittling, but sadly, I just don't have the startup capital.

And I've been working my way... I took a job that took me far from home, and I was okay. That was the deal. They're back with my... Kids are back with my ex while I go earn some money to send back. And then, you know, divorce. It's not cheap. And I need to make a little injection startup.

I need to make some money that I can open my shop and open it up in the town where my kids live. And, uh, yeah. Listen, I don't come for money. I, uh, and I've had to do some things in my past. Uh, they were, uh, they didn't pay as well as I thought they might and, you know, a couple bad

investments along the way. Let's just say I just need the money, alright? Fair enough. Fair alright? Fair enough. Fair enough. You will have no problem finding it with us, I assure you of that. The only question is, how long will you stay on?

I feel like you will make your sum rather quickly. But I hope... I hope that you can see us through to the end. To Kazimir, have you ever been? I haven't. And, uh, I hear they actually have a good market for dollhouse furniture in Kazimir,

so I'm happy to go. Best. World-renowned. Yep. What is a divorce? We live here in two days' time. Which I just made up. Is that right?

How long are we stay? We leave when she comes back. So we leave that day. She's just going for a matter of hours. Yeah. What did Xantar say? I said,

what is a divorce? Oh. I see. Your Grace. I don't know your society's ways. Well, when two people love each other very much, sometimes they end up getting married,

but then sometimes things, they don't work out and you need to do a legal separation and sometimes you just try to fleece each other for all you're worth. At least that's what my ex and I did. Not proud of it. I think she's kind of proud of it, actually.

Yeah. Where is she? Oh, she's down in the River Kingdoms. And she has my kids and half my stuff. I see. I see. You tried to fleece each other? You tried to skin her with a knife?

Yes, you've got to be, sorry, by the way, you've got to be very careful with idioms. Yeah, he's very little. Very, very little men. This is a savage attack you perpetrated against your woman. Let me be a little more literal. We tried to nickel and dime each other the whole time.

What's a nickel and a dime? See, he's not going to get there either. Still don't get it. We tried to drain each other dry. Like a vampire. Getting angrier. Getting angrier. You're not helping.

Are you a necromancer of some kind? We sat there in a legal proceeding with lawyers talking over every bit of our assets until eventually we agreed to split them in a way that was mutually disadvantageous to both of us. I think I get it now. How did your weapons appear from nowhere? Trade secrets, my friend.

Trade secrets. Xantar kind of tries to do it with his great club. He kind of like tries to hide it behind him and then kind of like, like, and I just bring it out really quickly. But he dropped. It's like a log. He just kind of drops it and makes a loud crashing sound. Keep at it, young fella.

Eventually you'll get it. OJ, are you okay? No hard feelings, OJ Simpson. No, the juice is fine. The juice is fine. Juice needs to go. Lay down. Our ship will depart

on this evening when our captain returns. Will you be ready to go in time? Can you get your affairs in order? Yeah, I'm just going to see if I can close this deal on some dollhouse furniture with a guy I met. Just give me

an hour, alright? Please. And Atticus slowly turns to Aldo as he walks away. He just says, this character's hook is rather odd and says something about the player. Wouldn't you think? It does.

It does. I don't know. I mean, I've got my doubts as much as anyone but i think i think we should give it a shot i mean you know you beggars can't be choosers i'm intrigued i'm intrigued i'm intrigued you know indeed as am i uh i've seen a great deal of illusionists do their work over and over again, night after night. I've never seen someone produce from nothing a weapon that could wreak such... What's the word I'm looking for?

Wreak such havoc? Yeah, wreak such havoc. Wreak such havoc. Oh, yeah. On an opponent. Xantar says, you should not trust this new man. Xantar says you should not trust this new man you should be looking for

more serious companions to take your quest seriously and then Xantar turns and pees into a wagon laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter, the voice of a valid point, your grace, because there is a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid point, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, a valid, you actually, you do raise, you do raise a valid point, Your Grace, because there is a concern that I have, which is this person wants to be rewarded with money, with wealth. The things that we have encountered already and are likely to encounter are things of such unspeakable, unknowable horror. I have to wonder if he's going to want to stick around, if wealth is enough to keep him with us. Indeed, I have the same concern. But, once he's on the boat, there's really nowhere for him to go. And you know that Skywin will get him in line rather quickly. Even if he is paid to be here, he can't just be left off in the wild. So he'll need to stay with us for a certain length of time.

And if he goes, he goes. We'll have to find someone else. Sure. Yeah, I suppose we'll just keep an eye on him and we'll hope for the best. Hope for the best. And you will always have me at your side, week after week, to help you. Of course. I will remain steadfast. Let us never be parted again,

your grace. Unreliable. I am always to be reliable. So Ethel Merman goes off to try and sell these wares and her or his handler.

Thank you. He leaves too. And about an hour after Skywynn and the others depart, you're standing there, probably bored, but another boat slides into the docks at Dabryl. And boats have been coming and going, but this one seems to draw some attention. It's much smaller than the

Sullen Starling. Only has what looks like three passengers, as far as you can see. But you notice immediately as it docks that the people roaming around the docks start giving space to the boat.

And most of them are actually leaving the area. You see them kind of like walking quickly or looking the other way and moving. So two things happen. You see two rather large men step off the boat, and they start working quickly to tie off the boat, to dock dock it and just working on the boat. And then a door of the very, very small cabin opens and a figure comes out, muscular looking, like thickly built with a short neck, and they're clad completely in gray from head to toe.

In fact, as they turn in your direction, you see that covering their face is just like a gray hood with a face embroidered on it, like a stern-looking face embroidered on it, and just eye holes. So you can't see this hooded, masked figure at all, but it's very odd that there's a face embroidered on the sheet in front of their face. They kind of look like a gray storm shadow from G.I. Joe. Oh, cool.

With this very weird mask. Ethel Merman is back now, by the way. Ethel Merman comes back and maybe you notice people are kind of walking in the opposite direction from you. And you climb up onto the boat and you notice everyone's kind of looking in this direction of this person. And they start to, like,

move their hands around in, like they're doing some sort of spell. And you can't hear them from where they are in the dark, but they're just like, and you can't see lips moving. Maybe you see the mask moving ever so slightly, the sheet, but there is this very deliberate somatic movement happening. Could I use a reaction to identify spell?

Like if they ask something? Yes, you can. Is it Arcana? It would be Arcana to recall knowledge, because I don't think the spell is in your spell book. I could be wrong. Well, it doesn't matter as much as the level of it matters. Do you know

the spell is this flavor like if it has a level then there is a kind of auto success for this if it's under a certain level which my shit is just loading and won't come through um

uh four if it's level four or lower, I can automatically know what they're doing. Oh, okay. Then you know, you're looking at the hand movements, thinking back to your books that show like figures, kind of like an old martial arts manual,

shows you all the different poses you need to do. It shows you the different poses for casting spells. Little arrows. This, this is, this figure is casting the spell Discern Lies. Oh, cool. A truth sayer. And it's a 10-minute process. Interesting.

So he'll share this with Aldo and Xantar. Well, Aldo recognizes it, too. I'm a master. Oh, yeah, and you've got 10 minutes to figure it too. I'm a master. Oh yeah. And you've got 10 minutes to figure it out. It's 10 minutes of a show. That we've seen before. Or we've read.

It's the same movie. You have to do it exactly the same every time. He looks at Aldo. He says nice. Yeah. Tricky. And who is nice can i square this with like my knowledge of uh of history to see if this is if this is uh an official like something in this garb that is doing something this is like an official thing absolutely give me a recall knowledge for lore.

Society, yeah. 31. This is a Grey Gardener. They are the executioners for the Revolutionary Council. Oh. They are the... Shit. They're the exact figures that you, Joe, had brought up as you were telling. Don't they have a force?

Yeah, this is them, the Grey Gardeners. They are... So we would say that's the revolutionary costume for today? Yes, that's the revolutionary costume. I mean, they are known So we would say that's the revolutionary costume for today? Yes, that's the revolutionary costume. I mean, they are known to be wearing powdered wigs and large sweets. That was a reference

to a famed documentary, Grey Gardens. Yes. Ah, yes. Did you see it on Broadway, Matthew? I did see it on Broadway. One of the guys from The Wire was in that production. That's true. Brother Mouzon.

He's a great gardener. Complete badass. And the closest thing to police or whatever you want to call it in this area, but much more intense. And when this whole... They're like these enforcers that are like judge, jury, executioner. It's just so

scary. And you watch this whole display go down, and it ends, and then they straighten up and stiffen. And you just see their head just scanning the docks and they stop on the selling starling and just stare at this site you look a little out of place

here there's a lot of people roaming about the boat. We look a little out of place everywhere. Everywhere. And I mean, this isn't exactly a cosmopolitan town, but there are all walks of life here, but there's something about what's going on in the cell in Starling. You've got these grieving old people, grieving

septuagenarians, and just all these people in threadbare clothing. It almost looks like, wait, do you guys have slaves on your boat? It's a bit of a scene. And so this figure just stares and then

leans down towards the man, says something, and then just hops off the boat onto the dock and slowly walks toward you. And we'll see you next week. Oh no, I knew it.

I knew it. Thank you so much for the week to prepare. Oh my god, isn't that terrifying? Wow, that is an image. It's absolutely terrifying. I's absolutely terrifying. I love it, though.

I love the idea of Locke and Aldo just being like, we cannot lie. You know, like, we cannot lie. And then I would say, oh, these are the truths that the Grey Gardener is explaining who they are. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, good luck not lying, because the thing tabletop players do with their servers every time is lie, lie, lie.

Sometimes for no reason. Just out of habit. Just out of habit. Thank you, everybody, for watching tonight. Thank you, Jared, for helping us as always. Thank you, Jared. And if you like what you see, tell everybody. Tell everybody how good this show is.

And we'll be back live next week with someone else in place. It's Amy. She's good. All right. Get that. Get that, everybody. Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com.

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