The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 54 – Help Wanted

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

As the Sellen Starling continues its journey downriver, a group of wealthy looking courtiers flags down the boat in search of aid. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa and Sydney Amanuel as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/eEzMV250AU0 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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A creamy drink where smooth matcha meets subtle floral notes. From our airy lavender cream cold foam. Only this spring, only at Starbucks. Iced lavender cream oat matcha tea latte includes dairy. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. it's your old buddy Troy guys he's not here we can do whatever we want It's your old buddy, Troy.

Guys, he's not here. We can do whatever we want. Love knows no season. Love knows no climb. Romance can blossom any old time. Here in the open open we're walking and hoping together together get out of here

sleigh bells ring you sons of guns merry christmas glass cannon nation the tradition continues I had a bad feeling about what was going to happen. I didn't say anything. I wasn't even sitting here for the last hour. I thought that my red and green lights would give it away,

but nobody said anything. I said, I'm just going to be quiet, and I'm going to throw a little hanky over this and get right into it. Sidney and Kate, you may not know, this is a longstanding tradition that I open all november through december episodes of our shows with christmas tunes because christmas celebrating

begins on november 1st in the valley house and in the houses of all those who share the joy of christmas in their hearts i forgot about this i forgot about about Troy's obsession with Christmas and his Hallmark movie obsession with Christmas. I'm pretty deep. And his unique ability to take something joyful and beat it into the ground until no one else can love it the way he does. Tape of Ducks has an alternate opinion. Tape of Ducks thinks Christmas season starts December 15th. Troy, your thoughts? Oh, that is, I feel bad for that here.

And I use that term lightly. That is disgusting. There was a time in my life when I started celebrating on Black Friday. There was a time when I started on December 1st and I was a fool. I'll admit, I made mistakes when I was younger. The greatest decision I've ever made was starting to celebrate on November 1st, and I was a fool. I'll admit, I made mistakes when I was younger. The greatest decision I've ever made was starting to celebrate on November 1st. You take something that is so great and make it last longer. I'm already, I'm listening to Christmas music every single day. I'm watching Hallmark every night. I finished a 550-piece Charlie Brown Christmas puzzle over

the last three days, just drinking my coffee, doing a puzzle, laugh. Because you know the other person who loves Christmas as much as I do? My now four-year-old son. Yeah. Who listens to Christmas music all year long. So we're just having the time of our lives. It is the best. It is the best.

At least you admit that you've adapted your own sensibilities to that of a four-year-old. When I was four, I watched and listened to the same thing over and over and over and over again until everyone else in my life hated it as well. I performed that service for my parents. You were happier. I bet you were happier then than you are now.

I probably was. About the sad things that happened in life. And Matthew also doesn't do anything like that anymore, particularly when it comes to any of the original Star Trek films, any of his favorite episodes of Star Trek. He doesn't watch those over and over again in the green room on the road, driving everyone crazy. That's once a month.

That's fair. That's only once a month, Joe. When I was four, I watched those movies every day. Troy, I got to say, I'm really impressed with the hat. It's a really good hat. You like this hat? It does have a nice ball hang. Yeah, it's a really good ball hang.

Thank you. Nobody ever says that. Thank you. I can't just say that. It actually is a snapback. Check it out. That's awesome. Adjustable Santa hat.

Wow. I also think it's hilarious that you do have to wear your headphones over it, which is funnier. It's just way funnier. Yeah, it looks ridiculous. You look ridiculous. It's very uncomfortable. Look at Skid, though, getting into the holiday spirit. That's that's how you do it see you can't beat him don't be afraid don't be afraid i'm not afraid i just feel like i was a little bamboozled because i mentioned

the red and i was like oh we're doing red tonight and no one corrected me so i feel tricked into looking like i was in on it. Also, another question. When do you stop celebrating? You don't strike me as someone who stops the day after. No, I try to make it last until Little Christmas, which is January 8th. But it never, pretty much right around the time we finished Gordon Ramsay's Beef Wellington on Christmas dinner is when I

start getting unfathomably sad. And I will then continue watching Hallmark movies until New Year's Day when all of a sudden at 10 p.m. instead of another Hallmark movie, the Golden Girls comes on and I want to crawl into a igloo and die. Hey, that's a great palliative. Golden Girls not when you're watching it no man when you cause I'll start

I mean I'll watch them all day long if I'm not working I have them on in the background when I'm not listening to Christmas tunes and then it's like 8 to 10 there's one

10 to 12 there's one and then I'll start watching the midnight one and then when it gets close to Christmas I'm up till 2 watching that one and so

when you get that when you don't get that 10 o'clock movie on January 1st and the fucking Golden Girls comes up, it's just sad. It's really, really sad when you've been doing it for 55 days straight. Is it the Golden Girls Christmas episodes? You know what? That would be fine. It is not. It is a random Golden Girls episode. Whenever they finished. Yeah. is a random Golden Girls episode.

Whenever they finished. Yeah. Why does the Golden Girls come on? That's one of Hallmark has it on syndication. The regular schedule. Oh, oh. It goes back to the regular schedule. They go back to the normal programming, which includes Golden Girls. Okay.

January 1st, Troy, you have to change the channel because January 1st is when they play the Twilight Zone marathon. Are you daft? Wow. You know what Hallmark started doing is they started making movies for other holidays. So there are like New Year's stories and there's Valentine's movies. But they only do those on Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So if it doesn't time up exactly, you're lost.

You're lost at that point. So yeah, no, I try. I mean, I've talked to my wife ad nauseum at this point. I'm like, we've got to figure out something we can do on December 26th to keep the spirit alive. Maybe we save a present for each day after Christmas. I know exactly what you can do, Troy. I don't like your suggestion. I haven't even heard it. This brings joy to millions of people, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of people across the world on December 26th. Become a fan of professional soccer and you can watch the Boxing Day matches.

Oh, man. That's a long shot. Look it. Did you see? He got nauseated, I think. More sad. Oh, he's going to throw up. The Winter Classic is fun. I think they're playing in Boston this year. That'll be nice.

But yeah, no, that's why I have to start on the first because I get 55 days. That's like a fifth of the year. It's great. Anyways, I could talk about this forever. Kate, you a big Christmas fan? Do you like Christmas? Yeah, it's like fun. So no.

Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. No, I don't not. I feel like because you like it so much, it does not diminish the fact that I just like it. What do you like better than Christmas? Yeah, do you like anything? Yeah, baby. Okay.

Do it with your wife. Okay, we have a pagan. We have a pagan. I took my first trip to a HomeGoods. I've never been to a HomeGoods. I was with my mom. And I was like, mom, we got to focus. Go in there.

We're just in there for like bathroom stuff, like a bathroom rug and some towels. And then we're out because these places stress me out. The second I walk in, all of the Halloween stuff is 50% off. There's tiny little bats you can put in your lawn. And there was a skeleton with a sombrero on and he was playing a guitar. He was half off. And I was like, I'm a Halloween person. I'm a Halloween person.

All this stuff is so cool. Kate, that makes me so happy because one of the things I like to do when I visit my mom, we have a tradition. We literally go to a HomeGoods and we always have a joke where we're like, we're not going to buy anything. And then we go in and it's Halloween. We just did it close to Halloween before and we both would just walk around and be like, look at

this pumpkin. I'm really sweaty talking about it. I'm sweaty now. There's too much shit in that store though. I will admit you do feel the full effect of capitalism when you walk in because you're like, how much Halloween stuff can one fucking person have in their house? Are they going to sell all this? It's also an amazing store in that it's all kind of theatrical.

So everything looks amazing from afar. And when you get up to it, it's all garbage in how it's made. So it's cheap, which is amazing. So it looks amazing. And then it's made real shittily so that you can afford it and actually just's made so it's cheap, which is like amazing. So it looks amazing and then it's made real shittily so that you can afford it and actually just walk out with it. It's a pretty remarkable place. Like Wayfair.

Everything on Wayfair looks great. I'm like, what? It's 79% off? It comes in 18 boxes, full of styrofoam. You look at the wood the wrong way and it splits. It's garbage. It's good for like staging houses. Yes.

Exactly. Hiding that later. Yeah, like Arrested Development for the show. You lean on it and it just falls over. Just knocks over. Sydney. Christmas. Big Christmas fan or you're middling?

I grew up. My dad was Jewish and my mom was Christian. So I got the best of both worlds as a kid, meaning I am not religious at all, but I got to celebrate all the holidays. So I don't know. I like Christmas because it's one and done. I'm like, Hanukkah, they drag that shit out. I'm like, come on, eight days. That's too many.

Hey, calm down, Kanye drag that shit out. I'm like, come on. Eight days? That's too many. Hey, calm down, Kanye. Oh my god. Seriously, though. Seriously, though. Hey, we're on a stream. Let's all just say, hey, Kanye, if you're listening, stop. Stop. We don't like what you're doing.

You're being poopoo. Kyrie Irving, too. Both you guys. Just stop. Stop. Both of you. you come on i'm glad we made that public announcement anyway imagine if that worked yeah that was a tipping point it finally happened nobody on my staff ever just said would you just stop that, the next stream I'm calling out Elon. I'd be like, Elon, can you fucking chill out? Can you stop? Give Twitter back. It's not nice.

I love Christmas. And I feel the same way you do, Troy. I love holidays. I like making food. I like celebrating with people. And then I get horribly sad as soon as everyone leaves and I have to like undecorate, you know, and clean up the wrapping paper, you know, and burn it in the wood stove. But yeah, I do. I definitely do love Christmas. I think as long as it's easygoing, I don't

like big gatherings. I'm glad I don't have a huge family. That would stress me out. Do you guys do that? Do you like, now that you have kids and stuff too, is it like the cousins and the brothers and the sis and everybody has to get together? Or are you like, we do it alone? It's not bothering me. Well, Christmas Day, we do it alone with the kids. And where our families are nowhere near,

we kind of like, December is just nonstop. Because it's like, now we're visiting this parent. Now we're visiting this parent, now we're doing this. Because you want to get everything done. And, you know, I have this idea in my head. Like, when I grew up, my cousin, like, Christmas runs in my family. Like, everyone is just nuts about Christmas. And so I have a cousin who would host, like, Christmas night at her house.

And so all that side of the family would go over on Christmas night, which was so great because Christmas night tends to be that letdown. So you'd have that party at the end. But now that I don't live there anymore, we don't get to go. And, you know, until we had kids,

we would like take turns for Christmas day. We'd spend it with my folks and then we spent it with Sam's folks. And we kind of switched back and forth. But now that we have kids, it's like, well, we'll see you guys in December. That's Christmas.

And you don't get to go? So it was because, like, once you move out of the Commonwealth, you are no longer invited. No, I mean, I'd have to drive four hours on Christmas to go to that party. And I've considered it. I thought you were a fan of Christmas, Troy. I am, but not sitting in the car for four hours on Christmas Day, ruining my child's Christmas, my children's Christmas. But yeah, I mean, that's the thing, is that Christmas is already my favorite thing

in the world, it always has been. And then you have kids on top of it, and it is just the fucking best. Anyways, I'll be talking about this all month, and I'm getting really hot in this hat, so I'm gonna change out of it. But I'm excited to be here. I was feeling pretty shitty,

because everybody's sticking my house full of cheer and it finally hit me. But I was like, you know what? The best medicine is playing with this group. Yes. Tonight. Yes. What a group we have here. Where did we even fucking begin here sydney you haven't been around in a in a month yeah god yeah yeah two eps dang and you've been listening to every episode though right and taking copious notes yeah absolutely it's funny you guys are always surprised like even for legacy i had missed an episode and i skid emailed me I was like, oh yeah, you know, I just listened to the last one and Skid was like, oh, you did? And I'm like... Shocked. Pleasantly shocked. Of course.

But yeah, I was saying I love Kate's character. I love that I didn't have to die. That's an awesome thing. Yeah, definitely guaranteed to be something that happened. Great. All right. So why don't you do the recap of last week's episode?

Take it to the recap. Take it to the recap. Okay. Let me tell you. Creepy girl shows up. Baba Yaga little girl shows up. Chicken finger, chicken hands. Chicken fingers.

Chicken fingers. Would you like some chicken fingers? Snacking. Suki gets taken. And Xantar, they're like in the crowd of everybody. And they're like, whoa fingers? Snacking. Suki gets taken. And Xantar, they're in the crowd of everybody. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And all the frog people are attacking. Incorporeal frog people attacking.

And the group runs, finds the witch, who is Kate. And they run. And they're like, we got to get that statue. So they're going after the statue. But Ruh-Roh, the big skull heads show up. They're also quite bad. Everybody gets pretty hurt. Joe has a great idea, and Atticus makes everybody invisible.

And they're like, this will definitely solve our problems. Thank you, Sydney. It didn't work. And... He tried his dang best everybody was dying Ethel tries to grab the statue and fly upward at max speed over and over again every round that was a great idea

it didn't work and then Bogurg showed up and it was like well now we're dead and wouldn't you know it that is what happened everybody died because the old one came and just slaughtered. That's a pretty good recap, Sydney. Thanks. In fact, that's a bottle cap worth of recap.

Wow. Putting the time in. Off air. Bottle cap. Started the show with two caps because, damn it, that is dedication to the craft. Bottle cap. Started the show with two caps, because damn it, that is dedication to the craft.

Also notice how she didn't, she managed to convey the facts, and yet didn't have to insult us in the process. Well, she did make Joe feel bad, which I was happy about. And that's partly the reason she got the bottle cap. That was why she got the bottle cap. Knowing that Joe was hurt. I could see she hurt my friend, and I was so happy with that.

I'm going to reward her with our version of a doggy biscuit. Good job, player. Yep, that's it. That's the recap. And obviously we don't know the fate of Xantar and Suki until now. Shuck up, Gonka, snoo. While Atticus and Aldo and Ethel and their new friend Eris are rushing past all these destroyed bodies up the staircase to fight Bokrog. We come back to this party where people are just stampeding over each other to get away from the impending doom that they're hearing about outside. Water rushing over

the city walls to destroy the city, and you're being pulled back into this crowd, and you're kind of like trying to, like a salmon fighting upstream, trying to get, but every time you do, you get pushed back even further, and you kind of realize that the easiest thing to do is to just go with the crowd, because actually going against it to try and join your friends is going in the direction of the danger. But it's not but a couple minutes as,

do you guys remember the Coconut Grove story? I'm probably paraphrasing this, but I think it was a rock club in like Florida, obviously Florida, and I think it was called Coconut Grove, and there was a fire inside, and everyone rushed the doors to get out of the fire. But what happened is they got to the doors, and the doors only

opened inward. Yes. So everybody fucking died, because they couldn't push out, and it started a rule where doors had to go both ways or something like that. Again, I may be paraphrasing this, but this is the exact same thing that happened because this happened technically before the Coconut Grove disaster in Earth 1. So Sarnath didn't know that doors should go both ways. So you're just being pressed up against this as people are like, trying to like, climb up, grabbing onto

like, uh, like banners and stuff trying to climb up to the balcony. People are falling over the stairs. It's a big mess, and you're thrown into this throng. You very quickly lose Xantar, and then you hear a thunderous clap, like the sound of stones

splitting, and you look over in the distance as you see that seawall, that largely unadorned wall that you guys certainly realize after talking to some guests, oh, that's the seawall. You see it just split in half

and water begin to pour into the room. And just before the water washes over you and the entire crowd, you see fucking Godzilla walk into the room and just start plucking people out and eating them, plucking people out and eating them. And as you're fighting to hold your breath in the water before you suffocate,

the last thing you see is this large, meaty claw with this huge face with tentacles dripping, reaching out towards you and the group around you. And you wake up on the boat as well. Troy, thank you for including the Coconut Grove story because I felt like that really just, it really added a level of naturalism and realism to our understanding of the crush there. Unfortunately, the chat is pointing out the true fact that the Coconut Grove was in Boston and not Florida.

That's probably why I know about it. It does sound like a Florida place though, doesn't it? My aunt lived in Coconut Grove. It's a neighborhood in Miami. My aunt used to live there. Oh, that's what I'm thinking, but it was actually a club in Boston. Yeah. Such a fine line between Boston man and Florida man. They're so similar.

Yeah. Well. You're welcome, Matthew. Thank you. Thank you, chat. Thank you, chat. Matthew will be starting today with zero vodka. Worth it. Worth it. Thank you. Thank you, chat. Thank you, chat. Matthew will be starting today with zero. Worth it.

Worth it. The chat, however, has one. You wake up and you are alone at the bottom of this boat. You start to look around and you see

Xantar is nearby. That's the first person you see. Okay, so maybe you're not alone. But he looks comatose. And then you look over in the direction where there was like a brig, a small little prison and see that it's gone and its inhabitant is gone and there's just this

like chunk of land there where a brig once was. Look at your hands. They're there. You feel all right. This was your first journey to the dreamlands, as far as we know, at least with this group.

Maybe they told you about the dangers of dying in the dreamlands but you feel oddly okay and you hear footsteps above deck she um gets to her feet tries to like get her bearings realizes whoa okay she's on a boat like feels you know the motion of the boat um And she brushes her hair back and realizes that she has been crying. It's just like crusted, you know, wet salt tear. And she kind of like rubs her eyes and it's just fully like they were crusted. She had been clearly crying in her sleep, scared, something. And as she's wiping her eyes, she's remembering what feels now like this horrible dream. And Bo-Kra, like, you know, reaching, like you said, with the claw.

And she feels okay, but at the same time, not okay. Very weird. Very, very weird. Nothing like she's ever done before with her astral projection and stuff. And she makes her way up because she really hopes she's not the only one who came back. She doesn't know if people

die. Like, you come back? Does everybody come back? So she's going up to the top of the boat to check where everybody is. Go to the top of the boat and as you start to walk up the stairs you see that it's light out outside.

And you walk up to the top of the deck and people are milling about. You see the crew. You see some of these people that you were told were taken in when they were saved from a boat. So there's like a lot of people milling about. But the first person that you recognize that you've spent some time with is ethel who is just like sitting uh near the uh the edge of the boat and he looks exhausted bags under his eyes i can understand that i'll be i'll be be methoding my way into that

particular detail. Do your best, Matthew. Hi. Hi. Hi. You die in there too? I

believe that's what happened. Yes. Did you die as well? Yeah, I got blasted by a giant lizard. Oh! I saw that too. It... Oh.

Sorry. I feel a little... Um... Strange. I'm... Uh... Is everyone okay? everyone's okay uh are you okay ethel you seem so uh physically got all my fingers and all my toes and uh yeah i don't know that i'm ever going to sleep again, but...

Minor detail. Other than that, how are you? Strange. I feel a little odd, but I think okay. I'm not sure that I even died. I think I drowned. I lost you, though. I lost everyone.

I was swept away in the crowd. I'm sorry. I feel like I didn't help. I could have. Well, I couldn't. Yeah, no, I think it's okay. I don't think there was any help to be helped. If you catch my meaning.

Was that her god? Listen, this whole thing, a little bit over my head. Best I can understand. Giant lizard, slept for a long time, was kind of angry. We almost got away. This close. But then, you know, everything. slept for a long time was kind of angry we almost got away this close but then you know everything ended

but here we are on a boat yes the river is beautiful all I want to do is start whittling but I can't manage to communicate that to my hands because I'm so tired. Could I see your hand?

Sorry, lower. Just not in my face. Right in the face. She is going to cast... I guess I could... Um, and she is gonna cast uh I guess I could What can I cast? I can cast uh, Restoration and I'll

cast it as a 4th level Oh Really? Wow. So, uh I can reduce a permanent doomed condition Excellent. Wow I don't know if it actually helps you with your exhaustion So I can reduce a permanent doomed condition. Excellent. Wow. I don't know if it actually helps you with your exhaustion.

No, the exhaustion is from the madness, but you can remove the sense of doom that's a gray cloud on you. Huge. Yeah. Everyone else that slept last night, their doomed condition went down by one. So I think Aldo was doomed three. It's now doomed two. I don't know if anybody else was doomed, but Ethel was doomed one, but because he

couldn't sleep and woke up fatigued, he would have remained doomed one until you did this. So you are no longer doomed. You know what? I suddenly feel, I don't know what you did, but I suddenly feel as if a

cloud has been lifted and though I'm utter utterly terrified of what will happen when I go to sleep tonight I feel like the sun is shining sure I'm going through a messy divorce but I have other skills maybe I'll find happiness again thank you thank you so much it really I have other skills. Maybe I'll find happiness again. Thank you. Thank you so much.

It really wasn't anything. Sorry, I have a few questions, and I think I should ask, what were their names? Oh, Aldo and Atticus? I'll go with you. Oh, okay. Would you like a cup of coffee?

Wow, you certainly are perky now. Uh, sure. No, a tea. Actually, water. I will get all three, and I'll meet you wherever they are. Athel goes to fetch you a cup of river water. And tea. And coffee.

Tons of coffee to the river. It's fresh brewed river coffee. There you go. It has a lot of flavor. You look past him as he runs off and you see Atticus and Aldo talking with a woman, a woman that is somehow familiar to you, and you realize that as you were being pulled back and trying to see your friends,

you saw this woman standing amongst carnage, and you think it might be that woman, and they're all sitting there or standing towards the front of the boat conversing with each other what are you three talking about and that's when i said where did he come from where did he go nobody knows and i think they called him cotton-eyed joe him Cotton-Eyed Joe. Yes. It's interesting. People have long searched for whereabouts

of this Cotton-Eyed Joe character. That bit has legs from when we started recording at seven o'clock tonight. That was good. So yeah, you walk up Eris and you hear them talking about some mysterious perhaps

druid named Cotton Knight Joe someone in the dreamlands he went by Cotton Knight Joe he was a prodigy Atticus is talking about I forget what it's called the night hag something

what is the next thing that we need it's called the heart stone ambassador's heart stone what was the hag part there's a hag part What was the hag part? There's a hag part. There's a hag part! It's...

I swear to you, Aldo, there's a hag part. I read. It was the heartstone of a specific hag. A witch. A night hag. A witch. Fans of the Glass Cannon Podcast may remember Iwiga was a most famous hag on the network

most famous hag on the network this is a heart stone belonging to a specific hag you've been reading about it now, maybe you've gained some more information, I can't remember if I revealed this or not, but you would have found it by now, it is an ambassador

and traitor of souls, a soul traitor named Quiviandra. And in studying it, you find out, like, the normal qualities of a Nighthag's heartstone, but that Quiviandra's heartstone retains its magic for one month outside of her possession rather than one day, whereas the magic of a normal heartstone, if you take it away from its bearer, that magic only lasts for one day. Quiviandra's lasts for one month. So you're talking about this.

You hear whispers of a night hag, Cotton-Eyed Joe, as you approach, Eris. Pardon the intrusion. Oh. Ah. Eris, you're awake. That's not my name. Sorry. Which one are you?

Which one mixed up? Suki. Suki, you're awake. You can call me Suki or Sarah if you prefer. Suki, did you escape the great old one? No, I believe I died, though I'm not sure. I could have drowned, but I suppose that counts as dying as well. Hi, my name is Suki. Hi, I'm

Eris, and she, like, reaches out her hand to shake your hand, and I don't know if you know this. Maybe you do, but her hands have the textured chicken legs. She shakes it confidently and shows no sign of feeling weird. She just shakes

it and looks you direct eye contact. So professional. No one here looks me in the eye. She very secretly wipes her hand on the back of her white gown.

I don't think you know. No. A stain of KFC grease. She says, Pleased to meet you. I believe I saw you in my dream. Yes. Yes, the dreamland.

I was there. I don't remember seeing you, but here I am here now. Don't quite understand why. You're not from here. No, no. I'm from far away.

I'm from the Manowase, but I've been traveling, and I ended up in the Dreamland for reasons that make people uncomfortable. But I couldn't get out and I didn't realize that if you die, you get out. I would have done that a long time ago if I knew that's how you could get out. Fascinating. Though I do believe if you die, you incur some sort of curse.

Is that correct, Aldo? Yes, according to our research and direct experience, that has proven to be true, yes. I do have a new fear of water. Oh, that's not so bad. Except considering that we'll be on a boat for quite a long time. You must be quite uncomfortable currently. I feel a little sick.

I'm just powering through it, though. You know. Oh. Figured you'd make it. This is all so interesting. I've... I feel giddy, but... Sorry, I meant to ask, did we fight a god?

Is that our mission? To fight gods and die? All of a sudden, Ethel shows up with a coffee, tea, and water. Here you go. Thank you, Ethel. You're welcome. No, Suki. Our mission is not to fight gods and die. For that is what we'll do face to face with a creature like that.

It was up to me we'd avoid them at all costs, but it seems they are going to interpose themselves in our plans. But we must try our best to avoid them. And you can see, like, genuine fear in his eyes. I mean, this was the worst nightmare he's ever had. And he's had some nightmares. And he's had some nightmares. Our mission is to get as many of these artifacts as possible and gain the favor of the Mad Poet.

As far as I know, he is a creature of legend, but is no god. Isn't that right, Aldo? Well, I mean, it depends, I suppose, on your definition of deity. Probably he's worshipped as a god by some. I myself, as a committed atheist, would deny that. In either case, it's not anything you want to mess with, I'll tell you that much. Perhaps a prophet would be a better translation. Some may worship him,

but perhaps he doesn't hold the power of the deities. In either case, our road lies through him. And he needs these gifts. I have another question. Do we know exactly how many gifts the Count

got? Did he get all seven? Did the Yellow King tell us that? You do not know. You know that he was seeking seven. And it was the Yellow King's recommendation that you get as many as you can. So then Atticus is going to say, is going to say. As we track the count,

I cannot believe that he was able to retrieve that artifact in that place. It is not possible. It is not. If he did, he is far more powerful than us.

Would it behoove us, then, to go into these sort of... different dreams we enter, with a sense of understanding that perhaps we cannot win all battles? Yes, it is a reality, and it is very practical. We must make our mission the retrieval of the artifact, even if some of us must fall. I myself fell as you did, and I feel that something is off, but I cannot explain it. Quick question. I don't know about you all, but I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

I had a night terror where I saw a moment from my life transform into the most nightmarish thing I've ever seen before. And does that kind of thing last, generally speaking? What did you dream about? Oh, just my ex-wife giving birth to a nightmare creature. You know. And that

didn't happen in reality? No. No. How do you view your children? I love my children and also they don't have tentacles and didn't try to kill me when they were born. That's a complicated question. Oh, here we go again.

Oh, she walked right into this. Perhaps a question. You ever meet those people who just seem to glide over the earth? Oh, you don't want to hear about this now, huh? Perhaps a question for another time, Ethel. I think everyone is a bit tired, though I am fascinated by recurring dreams and nightmares. Perhaps we could talk in depth about it.

I could take notes. Uh, okay. Okay. Anyway, I think... I think that we should keep doing this, yes? I'd love to learn more about how you all go to and come back from the Dreamland. Well, that was my first time.

I've studied dreams, and I've astral projected, but I've never entered the dreamlands. In fact, I don't know, it really excites me. I'm sorry that you're having nightmares, though, Ethel, but... To die, but not die, is such an incredible feeling. Do you know what I mean? No, not in this case. I think for it to be something

that would result in your empowerment even if you gave something up would be exhilarating. I agree. But there's something about the Dreamlands where it only takes away. It gives nothing. But correct's something about the dreamlands where it only takes away. It gives nothing.

But correct me if I'm wrong. You're going to this poet to gain power. Is that not true? Certainly you must give to get. That is how the world works. No, but not by your death. You gain the power by not dying, is what I say. There is no reward for such sacrifice.

It is to be avoided, I feel like. He's like, just talking strangely. All fear is just like exuding out of him. Okay. And she looks at Aldo to see if Aldo is also acting. I mean, she's only just met these people, but like, yeah, everybody's acting a little weird. Ethel was acting weird. He's acting weird.

How's Aldo up here? Or what do you look like, Aldo? Great. No. Tip top form. I had a terrible dream, but I had a beautiful night's sleep last night. The top of my game. Well, shall we

prepare again? Yes That would be great, I'd love to see how you do it And did you say there's a way to exit without dying? Oh indeed Yes There is I'd love to know more about that

The best part about it is that it is... I think Aerith was like, mind blown. All I had to do was die, and then a few hours later, I was like, wait, you can get out without dying? There's another way? Perhaps we should focus on working on not dying. Can we all practice that?

How to do that? It's not as easy as it is in the real world, it turns out. We've had a lot less luck of it in the dreamlands as we've had in real life. So easier said than done, but we are working on it. Huh. As you're standing there catching up and conversing, Skywin sidles over.

You see her looking from across the way, and she comes over and says, Well, this group of yours is getting larger by the day, not unlike our crew. Speaking of which, um, tomorrow morning we'll be passing by a, uh, a little fishing hamlet in the River Kingdoms, uh, called Vestonia.

I think it would be a, uh, a good place to, uh, offer refuge to these, uh, men and women that we took from the Rasmian Barge. The elders of that community are wary of strangers, but they're simple folk, and I'm sure they'll

welcome them with open arms should they decide that that is where they would like to go. I've not felt right about leaving them anywhere, even Debril, with all the problems in Galt, but

Vestonia would be a safer place as any, and perhaps open things up here on the on the Starling a little bit. All right? That is excellent news. Now is this...

And that is because this place is, we think, rather peaceful. Safe. Very peaceful and very safe. Away from all of the troubles that we've seen lately. Excellent. And they can always, from there, decide to return to their families if they have any on their own time. But it's a good place to leave them

without worrying about them getting immediately into trouble. So, we'll be stopping there tomorrow and then just continue on our journey. Welcome aboard, looks to Neckmouth.

Are you the captain? I am, yes. Hello, I am Eris, and she reaches out to shake your hand. And she does everything she can to keep her eyes up, and she grabs this clawed chicken

hand. Curb, shake hand, eye contact. Yes, and she's a halfling, so she's looking up right past your neck mouth. Um, yes, well, uh, you're, you're something, aren't you? What, uh, how did you meet this ragtag group of miscreants? I met

them in a dream. Uh, cool. Anyway, you kids. Perfectly played. Perfectly played. Perfectly played. Oh, cool. All right, you kids, don't stay up too late.

And she takes off. And yeah, so the day, the rest of the day is yours. Obviously, it's very cramped conditions here. We'll once again go to roll 20 to see the condition of the cell in Starling are really out of control. So many people here. And Xantar is still comatose, but look at all of them. Imagine 13 or so of them. Baker's dozen just take it off tomorrow.

That would really free things up. Revan and Gossa have been inconsolable since Sir Julie's death. And the cramped conditions have made things even worse. But with no plans for the night, it really gives you a chance to dig into these books, and now you have two more magic users

at your disposal to perhaps help with this research. Some of it esoteric, much of it arcane. I think I said last week that you were looking into books called... I forgot the titles. Yeah, they were good titles. They were good titles.

On Cheese. On Cheese. On Cheese. The John Cheese story. on cheese on cheese the John Cheese story it's atop the valley soul the falling silk and in admiration of keeping packs so if you're sharing these

around the John downstairs you're reading about this and you find that this register of, I think this catches perhaps Suki's eye,

extraplanar diplomats listing this night hag, Quiviandra, as an ambassador to the city of Diathleen, which is a the city of Diathleen, which is a grim city of basalt and one of the Dreamlands' most notorious havens for vice. Cool.

Picking up on that, maybe Eris, new to this little group, finds a tome. It's like it leads to this section that's like a little bit of a diary brimming with rumors. And if you share it with Atticus and Aldo and the rest of them, it seems like this Quaviandra has an unnecessarily large retinue of personal retainers and evidently an insufferably imperious manner. And as she's, you know, showing you this stuff that she found in the diary and you're reading about her, something seems so familiar about the way she's described, the way she comports herself, the way they physically describe her.

And you think back to being in the caravanserai, Aldo, in Atticus. And you remember walking into that room that was full of people and it ended up being a haunt that you escaped from. But now you're like, wait a minute, I think this woman was in that room. And there was also a table full of ghouls. And there was also the idol of Bokruk was in that room. And so you think that what you saw in that room

in the Caravanserai was perhaps a collection of Lyle's memories being implanted in there from the time he spent doing these dream quests. And so you've seen little flashes of the quests you've been going on. You saw little flashes before and you try to think back as to what those other things were. But now you have like an image of what this night hag looks like. Huh. And you all go to bed

with these thoughts in your head. Poor Eris, frightened one. Poor Ethel, fatigued one. Atticus with a cognitive dissonance. Can't even cast a light spell without fucking it up. Why can't we try to go tonight?

Because they're still not done your research. You have not learned the phrase yet. But you feel like with all this extra help, you're going to be able to make up for lost time. Wait, quick question, though. Did Aldo... Aldo has Doom 2, so then he woke up with Doom 1,

and now tomorrow he would wake up and be okay, yes? He was Doom 3, then he woke up Doom 2, he'll wake up tomorrow Doom 1. Can we say... One more day of rest. Can we say that i cast restoration on him yesterday because i would have done that after talking to him about how he felt so that he would wake up today with nothing absolutely okay so let's just say she did that

as well she touched his hand right correct thank you thank you i feel as though a cloud has lifted over my over my visage you are the second person who has said that to me today. That is so strange. Well, it's the strangest feeling. It's just I felt like the touch of a feather and I'd be dead forever. And now I feel like I could go on for days. Thank you. You're very welcome.

Thank you. You? You, um... You yourself, Suki, feel as if you died there. But don't, at least at the moment, feel plagued by any type of madness. Feel a little off. That's about it. I don't like what you're doing.

You're doing something bad. I don't like it. Look at you. He's stifling his smile. I know. He's got it. Look at you. He's stifling his smile. I know. He's got a Christmas gift for you. It's a surprise. No, no.

Hate it. You all go to bed, except for Ethel, who tosses and turns, having horrible, horrible night terrors. He just, he cries himself to sleep, and then once he's asleep, he just starts shrieking at the top of his lungs.

Oh, God! I had a roommate in college that had night terrors. Legit night terrors. He was a troubled young man. And he slept in the, like, this was when we had an apartment on campus. So he was the next bedroom over, but we shared a wall.

And there were times that I woke up to him screaming at the top of his lungs. Like he was, not like he was being killed, like he was killing someone. Just like, like so guttural and screaming and I'd wake up and be like and I'd be like oh that's just Mote having night terrors I mean a man screaming at the top of his lungs next to you so weird

I thought the end of that story was going to be like and that man's name was McD McD slept right through that shit. Snored his way right through. Except it also feels like he's being flayed alive. We wake up the next week, cut from Ethel screaming atop his lungs. We black out from there and we fade up on the boat slowly approaching

this peaceful fishing hamlet. It's a sign that says, welcome to Vestonia. You see some men Sorry, Troy, is this still in Razmirin?

You're outside of Razmirin now. You're more in the River Kingdoms Oh okay Wait a minute I'm just trying to get the geography straight We're going up river From Resmirin Away from Lake Encarthen

Or we're going towards Lake Encarthen We're going south You're going south So I fucked it up Is Vestonia north of Resmir? I mean, the river kingdoms are northeast of Resmir. Okay. All right, so I made a mistake.

But it's a little fishing hamlet. Just forget that it's called Vestonia and the river kingdom. We're continuing south. We're past the area of Galt, past Debril which you should see on some of these maps not all of these maps I have the fucking map you got him

you're wrong where's my bottle cap? look how dumb he looks look at his face you want to know the truth? I can't wait to hear the truth? I, they, in the book. I can't wait to hear the truth. They had me get rid of them earlier.

We were having so much fun with them, I just kept them. And so it says in the book that, you know, Vestonia is a great place to drop them off. So I just said, all right, it's time to get rid of them. Got it, got it. We got too many people on the boat. So I said, all right, Vestonia. And I forgot to look to see if it was south of where we are.

Well, whoops, we passed Vestonia. Oh no. You know what's funny? There's actually two Vestonias. There's a Vestonia in the River Kingdoms, but this is the one south of all of that. It's like Frankfurt. Right.

Yeah, or Lexington. New York, Kentucky. So yeah, you stop in the other Vestonia and the man at the dock says, Now are you sure this is other Vestonia and the man at the dock says now are you sure this is the Vestonia you seek most people know the one to the river king but I don't want you to

dock your boat if you mean the other one yes please let us off the boat this is a nice one can you explain the providence of this of this interesting double name situation well it's there were these Explain the providence of this interesting double-name situation. Well, there were these two brothers, and both last name was Veston.

And they swore that they would build the greatest port city, little hamlet- You don't let me off this boat right now. Come on, we'll bring you in. Anyways, they got into a big fight and they ended up making cities and they said, no, I chose the Vestonian name and the other one said, no, I.

Oh, it was a whole thing. But let me tell you something. This is a much better fishing village. The fish are much more plentiful and less racist. Most racist fish. Less racist fish. Most racist fish. The other Vestonia.

You should know that the Vestonia to the north is the fish are all horrible racists. Which was initially the beginnings of the fight between the brothers. Anyhow, welcome. What's going on? And Skywin's like, Hello, good brother.

This is an old request here, but I have a large amount of people that we saved from a Resmerean barge, actually, and you see them all stiffened like, oh, Resmerean, Resmerean. Yes, I assure you, none of them are members of that faith. They were simple fisher folk, like you Vestonians,

you original Vestonians, and they're just seeking refuge somewhere. Some of them have families to the north and all over, and I just haven't felt safe leaving them in Gjonin or Tbril or, of course, anywhere near Rasmirn, would it be okay for those that are interested to stay here? And the brothers and sisters confer, and they say, All right.

All right, they are welcome here to the true Vestonia. The true Vestonia. Yes. Tolerant fish. The true Vestonia. Yes. Tolerant fish. Yes, hopefully they have a taste. Enjoy our tolerant fish. A taste of highly tolerant fish. You may fish of our waters,

populated only by the most accepting and enlightened of fish. You've never tasted an open-minded salmon. It has no home in these waters. Come, brothers and sisters,

you are now all Vestonians now. And one by one, they start to leave the boat. And so you see... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why don't we trade out some of the originals

for some of the better-named ones? Can't we give O.J. Simpson a job on the boat? Come on. Sorry, Porkchop, you're being those guys. Wedgie 1 goes, Wedgie 2 goes. Don't delete them. They're gone, they're gone forever. You want them back.

I'm sorry, they're Vestonians now. Dead Tooth couldn't get off that boat fast enough. Simple Syrup looked back wistfully as she moved on. It felt like her and Dimples had something going on and Dimples leaves with her.

The truth is stoic as ever. As he marches off the boat. There's an Andor type series in her future. Followed swiftly by Finger Lakes and Basement Betty. Scallywag is tearful in her

goodbyes as she says I'll remember you most of all Fanny Trebinger. And leaves. And then Pancake and Chocolate Chip hop off of the edge of the boat into the water and swim away.

They're weird. They were always weird. Wet Knees can't help but shake his head. That old Pancake and Chocolate Chip as they swim away. And then it's just down to oh, Mrs. Fantastic. You realize that

the edgelord kind of was having an extramarital affair with Mrs. Fantastic. And he's like it was wonderful to meet you. I can't remember what my original voice was but were it not for you,

we would still be in the belly of that barge serving those horrible priests. And even though I have a wife and children, I'm really into Mrs. Fantastic now. We're going to stay here with these tolerant fish and start a new life. Should you travel back up the cell and ever meet

a Janus edgelord. I died. I died at sea. I'm the edgelord and this is fantastic leave and then it's just OJ Simpson. What about Porkchop, Spinny, Pedro, and Dinky? I'll have you

know, they are original members of the crew. They were not thralls. They're originals. And they're upset that you would even say that. She says, I just got here. I don't know who any of you are. Dinky fussed humble says.

And OJ stands at the little walkway to get off the boat and says, No. No, OJ. I should probably go. No. You must not. What use am I here? You are the only one. You are the only one we trust to properly test new party members.

And they arrive on the boat. How are we to know who to join? He's got his arms in a cast. He's got his heads wrapped. I don't know. I'm really tired, and you guys put me through a lot. Maybe I could just go to this little fishing village and then make my way back to my lovely wife.

Take her out to dinner. There's this little restaurant nearby. She's got a friend that's a waiter there. She always says I should go check it out. Do you think I should stay with you? What's in it for old OJ? What's in it for the juice? OJ, OJ, we'll double your pay.

You're invaluable to us. I currently make nothing. Well, there we go. Triple then. Triple. What triple would you like? No, I'm not greedy. Let it be known that the Jews ain't greedy.

I'll take triple nothing. And I'll stay with you. Yeah. Johnny limps. I'll take triple nothing, and I'll stay with you. Yeah! She'll need limps. Jolly Captain, there is something we could find for OJ to do on the boat. Skywind says, OJ, you've proven to be a resilient young man. There's always room on my crew for someone with your heart and experience. Come on!

And she walks down the ship with her. OJ's part of the crew now. All right! Yay! At least for now, he limps and then hits a something, trips and falls off the edge. I'm having a great time because it's kind of like watching Troy play with dolls like you're moving these little pawns around your legs

and they're talking back and forth this one dies that's pretty much what it is I just noticed there's two Ethel Mermins on here too which is kind of fun oh that's creepy you guys seen two Ethels? yeah

it would fit the current Oh, that's creepy. You guys seen two Ethels? Yeah. That's what Ethel's Night Terror was about. It would fit the current naming convention if one of your NPCs was named Ethel Merman also. Oh, wait, I think... Is one Ethel supposed to be Suki? I'm not even on the boat. I think so. Let me put you on there.

There's Suki. Hi. And then this Ethel says, See ya. What the fuck? What the fuck was that? Look at how much more room we have on the boat now. That's great. We needed that.

So much room for activities. And so, you take off from New Vestonia and you wave at everyone. You see Pancake and Chocolate Chip frolicking at the edge of the shore as the rest of them are just waving at their, perhaps their new home,

or perhaps they'll go back to their old lives. You may never know. And you continue on. That night, you're pouring over these books again, trying to figure out this passphrase. I mean, it's taken you on average six to eight days, give or take, any time you dig into these books. You're three days in and you feel like you're very, very close to understanding the phrase that you'll need to get there. In fact,

Atticus and Aldo, having done this a few times by now, you feel confident that within the next 24 hours you could have this phrase. Right. Tomorrow night is the night. Prepare yourselves. And you go to sleep. And you wake up again to the sounds of Ethel screaming. Ethel!

What's wrong? What did you dream? Perhaps your dreams could offer us some vision into what lies ahead. Speak. I dreamt... I dreamt of a strange land I'd never seen before. And a great walled arena Where these men in White uniforms with red

Pinstripes were playing in some sort of championship Game Really rubbing his head Nothing more nightmarish than that That is a horrible scene you described On top of which I was No wonder I was all excited No!

No! On top of which I was no wonder I was awake so I was just no! on top of which I was just filled with this unyielding sense that my team had had such a great season and still had to suffer this indignity the next day comes and you're sailing along the Salon just south of

New Vestonian and we see someone in the crow's nest yell out, Captain! pointing to shore someone hands Skywyn some binoculars, and she looks through.

And if any of you are on the deck, you can see, without even looking through the binoculars, what looks like three people on the shoreline, the far shoreline, like, waving frantically for help. Bing frantically for help. Hmm. Help! And Skywyn just, like, slowly lowers the binoculars. Comes over to, uh,

all of you. I imagine you're all there. She kind of gathers you around, paying most attention to Atticus and Aldo, where you've been with her. You've developed this relationship now for going on 60 days, because it is, in fact, day 60 of your journey. You're 770 miles down the river from Threshmore. Wow. Wow.

Long way from home. But then again, where is home for some of you? Some of you do not know. where is home some of you some of you do not know Skywin says I know I know Desna has

laughed in our faces as of late when it comes to people calling for aid or approaching us during this journey but there are three people over there. Looks like two men and a woman,

and they're dressed rather nicely, and I'm inclined to approach. They appear to be wealthy, frankly, which leads me to believe that they're not up to any trouble. And if it's passage they're looking for for example and we deem them to be on the level I'd happily give up my cabin

at this point and give these perhaps wealthy people a place to sleep I'll sleep out here under the stars with my crew increase a little revenue here depending on what it is they want what it is they need but I I trust

your judgment in this as well so I wanted to hear your thoughts you are the ones that have been fighting my battles what do you think do you have the binoculars if you want to take them Aldo takes a look this is like

I don't know. It feels like a trap to me, but on the other hand, we do need the additional income, especially now with the pay rise that we've given to OJ. Yes, it's true. OJ didn't come.

Desperate times. You know, he can just, I don't know. Can I take a look? Can I do a roll of perception on the binoculars? See what I see? Yeah, for sure.

Phenoms. That is a 30. Nice. 30, 30. Nice. Yeah, you do, in fact, see two men and a woman. They're wearing fine clothing that looks to be a little bit ruined by weather, perhaps, or exposure to the elements. And the woman appears to have a big bandage on her arm. And they're just, like,

waving to try and get your attention. Like, they haven't seen any boats pass. I say let's go get them. At least speak with them. Perhaps we could discern a problem when we get closer, but for now, they do look like rather put out

nobles. I'm sure that they would be of no consequence. Well, what if they're, I don't know, faking being nobles? I want to roll like a society check. It is not so easily faked. You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised

if you think that you have a rich child to eat and you don't. I'd never come at it quite from that angle. Your appetite is ruined. Roll society. Natural 10 for 22. They look like they're from society Yeah they're definitely from society

And they appear to be inedible As they are not children But they almost They look on the level They look like Courtiers Courtiers Courtiers

Do we see Sorry I should have asked Do we see weapons Are they armed? You don't see any weapons. No swords at their hip or anything. No crossbows, nothing. They appear unarmed.

Captain, let us go and speak with them. See if there's something we can do. From a strategic standpoint, we have the upper hand anyway. They'd have to wade into the waters to get to the boat so why not get a closer look um i think atticus also just he has a soft spot for the aristocracy he just wants to be a part of that so bad if he's like oh if i can help these people make it they can help me get ahead somewhere. You know what I mean? Like, he's always kind of thinking how to get an edge as he's coming from the streets, so to speak. The warrens, more accurately. All right, so Skywin yells out a bunch of boat turns.

Starboard! Help! Stand! All bow! Cast off! OJ, see to it! And OJ says, You got it, cabin.

And the boat turns in the direction of the far side of the shore and fights its way over to where these three people are standing. And there's no dock there or anything, are standing. Um, and there's no like dock there or anything, but they can pull the, the boat, uh,

in pretty close without it, uh, you know, scraping against the bottom of the lake. Um, Skyward knows these rivers pretty well. She knows the signs. Uh,

so she's able to get pretty close. Uh, there's like a heavily reeded area, um, where the boats are. So she stays kind of clear of that to not get, uh, tangled.

And they say, ah, good morrow, friends. Uh, thank you. to not get tangled. And they say, Good morrow, friends. Thank you. Thank you for approaching. We have been out here in the wilderness three days now, and we have not seen anyone that could help us. We saw a couple people,

but no one stopped. Thank you for approaching. We are looking for passage to Taldor. Are you by any chance heading in the passage to Taldor. Are you by any chance heading in the direction of Taldor? I see your course is set for the south. Is it Taldor you seek? You're a long way from

Taldor, mate. We understand. We know. We just desperately need to get in that direction and we were attacked by bandits and they stole all of our money and our food and we've just

fallen on terrible times and we need someone, we need a good Samaritan to help us continue our journey. Just the two of you on a ship to Taldor. Well, you see, there's actually three of them. Oh. Just the three ofor. Well, you see, there's actually three of them.

Just the three of you. Suki immediately shoots the ferret. We all like slowly turn and look at Suki like, Just the two of you! She's like, she's away from three of them. Well, I guess I figured out her madness. She can't see three people in a group.

That's just Sidney's madness. Math. She says, or the man says, I believe there's actually four of us. Our employer is resting. There's a barn not too far from here, an abandoned barn. We were staying there to escape the weather, and so we came here. He's actually our employer, so he asked us to come here and just try and find a boat.

Employer, what is your trade? This is suspicious. Aristocrats don't have jobs. Don't. suspicious. Aristocrats don't have jobs. Well, he's a high-ranking member of society, very on the level, and we're part of his

team. And he's resting right that way. If we could come aboard, we just would need to go get him. And Skywin puts a hand on your arm, Atticus, and looks down. It's actually Eris's chicken hand.

She's like, oh, God. She reaches this way and grabs you, Atticus. Turns maybe away from this. She's like, I don't know what the plan is here, but if we do take them aboard, perhaps you and the others go find this barn and see who this man is. And if you deem him to be on the level and all the stories check out, then bring them to the boat. Ethel ends them.

So which of them am I killing? Perhaps the fourth one. Perhaps no one, Ethel. Perhaps. But perhaps the fourth one. We're not making any decisions yet. No, anywhere from zero to all four of them, possibly you might be asked to kill. Right now it's zero, but that could change. Let's remain flexible.

I trust your judgment on this, but if everything is on the level and this employer is indeed wealthy, this could be an opportunity that I would pay forward, of course, to all of you. Let no man say that Skyward Freeling is greedy. I share the wealth. What level? I'm sorry? Atticus is going to turn back.

You said on the level. What level do you want them to be on? It's an expression, meaning like cool. Yes, they said it the level. What level do you want them to be on? It's an expression, meaning like cool. Yes, they said it many times. What's the origin of this expression? Let's try to stay focused. Yes, Ethel, just go with your friends and your new friends and seek this out. We'll send a group to fetch your employer. Is that all right? And they say,

yes, that would be wonderful. We have some things that the bandits didn't take. I'm sure he would want that brought as well, if that's all right. Not a lot. I can see your boat isn't enormous, but we would appreciate the help. I will ask again, because you did not answer my question the first time. What is your trade? You simply said your employer was a high-ranking member of society. What do you do if he is your employer? It's government work, truth be told.

It's government work. We're told um it's it's it's government work we are um we're just his his aides really are any of you process servers no no no no no i she used to be one but not any longer um that was a long time ago and she's like no i haven't i haven't i haven't done that in a long time. Tax collectors? No, no, not tax collectors at all. No, we simply aid our employer in whatever he needs. Indeed, say no more. We'll take care of it. Please, come aboard.

Make yourselves comfortable. We'll find your employer. And Atticus's mind is cooking. If they're going to get on the boat and we're going to go, he'll talk when he's like out of earshot of all these people. Suki also whispers to the group like someone should check

them before they get on the boat. Oh, OJ will take care of it. OJ, make sure they're not armed. No hidden weapons. That sort of thing. OrJ, make sure they're not armed. No hidden weapons, that sort of thing. Or carrying any kind of strange magical items that could be used to sabotage the boat. Detect magic. They don't have any magic.

Neither does OJ. Oh, I have to do a will save. Oh, that's right. Does that have a verbal component? Hey, Kate, I don't appreciate the boisterous laughter. A small chuckle, I could understand. It's just so funny. This is good testing waters, though.

That is a 23. You don't detect any magic, but you feel like you remember the words. I said the spell. I said the spell. Detect magic. You don't detect any magic on them as they're approaching. Okay. And they're like, no, we mean no harm.

Yes, a man can search us. And OJ, with his one good hand, is patting them up and down. And they're clean. Can we head? Yeah. Suki vaults over the railing of the boat, splashing into the water. Stopping wet, gets up on the beach, and starts walking.

Aeris takes the thing, the plank thing. The gangplank? Yeah, the plank. She's not going on the water. Oh, she hates the water. Oh, that's right. You walk the planet, but as you get

a few feet away from the water, the further you get, the less frightened you are, and actually once you get 20 feet away, you're not afraid anymore. Being on that boat sucks. As soon as we get off,

Atticus is going to pull everyone in. So sorry, Aeris. Hadn't quite caught you up on this minor detail. Goss? Goss, indeed. I have a suspicion that this person we are going to come up to is

rather portly. Perhaps being searched for by the, uh, whatchamacallits in that other place. The, uh, lie detector. The politician that has gone missing. The senator.

The senator that has gone missing. Right. I do feel that this could be our man. We should be prepared as we arrive with what we are going to do if it is indeed him. We should just be prepared is all I'm saying. But prepared for what? Prepared of what we should do should it be prepared is all I'm saying. But prepared for what? Prepared of what we should do, should it be him. Do we capture him?

Do we kill him? Do we immediate, do we act like nothing is wrong and then slowly but surely take him back to that place? What was it called again, that port? Debril. Debril. The Grey Gardener. Grey Gardener. Do we like the Grey Gardener?

Like, I understand that they're an authoritarian group, but, like, would we want to turn somebody into them, or would we, like, turn a blind eye and just be like, I don't know anything? Well, this is exactly what we are discussing. Whatever's sympathetic to his cause. Not saying I am.

Could be. I just don't want to have this conversation in front of him. Also, it could not be him. We could be wasting our time. But we're walking anyway. I was also asking Troy, like, as a member of the world, would I like a Grey Gardener? Am I scared of them? Like, how would people interact with them? I would say most people are afraid of them.

Okay. But afraid of them doesn't necessarily mean that they're evil. Right. Right. There's a bit of a respect, but also a fear, a healthy fear. You don't want to piss off a great gardener. But it's also a lawless land. So the tricky thing is, is the Revolutionary Council is word.

But what if they're wrong? It's tricky. But they are the law of the land. Would we pretend as if nothing is wrong? Would we immediately take him captive? Or would we kill him on the spot? I think those are our three choices at the moment.

Aldo, what do you think? I think, so I don't think we have to decide right away because he'll be coming back with us onto the boat regardless. And then if we decide that we do want to take him captive and return him to the authorities, he's already, you know, we've already got him under our control if there's a reward so what is this is my question what is the cut off

if there is a reward for doing this what is the minimum reward that we would turn traitor on him for maybe we could use it as a negotiating position and get him to pay us more yeah could be Maybe we could use it as a negotiating position and get him to pay us more. Yeah, could be.

If I'm being honest, I mean, I don't owe this senator anything and I don't owe the Grey Gardeners anything. To be frank, the boat is crowded. I would be willing to kill him on the spot if needed. I was happy to get the other passengers off the boat. We're doing rituals. We're entering the dreamlands. I don't want a wanted man in our presence, possibly ruining our main mission. Am I wrong? And she looks at Eris. That is such a great point. We just got so many smelly people off the boat. now we've got, what, three plus this one dude who I don't know. I could kill him too. Who's to say we don't enter the next port and the Grey Gardeners think we

are harbouring? They sound like worse enemies. So you walk. Where did we land on me killing him? Food for thought. Just a little food for thought. So you walk in the direction of this barn It's about 90 feet away from the shore Up a steep rise

From the water And across this narrow Hedgelined road Maybe there was a small Home here before But now all that's left is this seemingly abandoned barn. The five of you walk up to the barn, and there's no one outside, and there's just a door that's kind of like swinging in the breeze.

Ethel. Oh, you ready for me? Okay. Ethel draws his war hammer and his hatchet and slowly approaches the door. And Atticus is going to attempt to cast mage armor. On me? You're too nice. to cast Mage Armor. On me? You're too nuts. I think it's target south.

Can you cast Mage Armor on other people on Tui? No. That'd be fun. I don't think so. If you fail to check, you lose the spell, right? Yeah. So he's going to start attempting to cast it If you fail the check, you lose the spell, right? Yeah. Is that right? Okay. Oh, right. So he's going to start attempting to cast it,

and he does successfully. The natty 18. Natty 18. So to me, this problem has not made itself obvious yet. All right. Ethel will approach the door. Recession check. 21. 21.

Okay, you approach the door, maybe using your warhammer to push it aside, and you see, like, two small trunks that are battered, and then, like, a couple of sacks. But nothing else. All right. Hey. I slowly push the edge of the door in with my hatchet,

slowly opening it. You open it, and you walk into this pitch-black barn. It's sunny out, but, like, it's just crazy dark inside because there's no windows. And you're just looking around, and there's a couple stables that look empty. And then there's a hayloft up above and a little ladder leading up to the hayloft.

But you don't see anyone. You just see someone's things. Uh, hello? I think, Ethel, I think he's up. I think he's sleeping up in the hayloft. Is there a ladder? There is. All right, I'm going to attempt to stealthily climb the ladder.

Okay. Give me a stealth check. Crack that. Okay. 27. Okay. 27. Okay, your eyes are adjusting to the light a little bit. Obviously there's a little light coming in, but now it was dark. Now you can kind of see, climb up the ladder,

and as you get to the top, quietly, not making any sound, the ladder not even creaking, Quietly, not making any sound. The ladder not even creaking. You see a rather handsome-looking, portly man lying on his back. Portly! And he's got a big bruise on his face,

and he's played by Ned Beatty. Oh, great. I love Ned Beatty. That's awesome. Yep. The late, great Ned Beatty. Alright, Ethel is going to attempt to stealthily get up to him and the idea if he can get there, he's just going to hold his hatchet

just under his neck to wake him up and he doesn't try anything funny before we ascertain his true motives. Okay, and how do to wake him up. And then he doesn't try anything funny before we ascertain his true motives. Okay, and how do you wake him up? All right, so if I get over there, I'll hold the hatchet just under his neck, and then I'll blow. It's like just into,

like a blow at his closed eyes. And he jumps up with a start, and your knife goes straight through his neck. And it just opens up and it looks like Harris' face got him got him everybody you blow on his eyes

we did it you blow on his eyes and he just don't move oh no are you them? Your employees sent me to find you But tell me why I shouldn't just kill you right now

Wait they would never turn me in They're friends of mine I don't work for anyone Well that's not true I work for some people downstairs But I don't work for who you think But we're nobodies Please don't hurt for who you think. But we're nobodies. Please, please don't hurt me. I'm, I'm, it's, nothing is,

nothing is true. Nothing that you've heard is true. What have I heard? Where is your mask? Where is your mask? Do you think I'm one of the Grey Gardeners? Is that what you think? I assumed. Why else would you want me dead? I don't want

you dead, Senator. I just wanted to make sure you were on the level. And he like looks down over the loft, he's like... He's looking like... Uh... Excuse me, I'm definitely on the level. Um, can we

talk? Talk away. Okay. Ethel will signal for the others to come up to the level. Can we talk? Talk away. Ethel will signal for the others to come up to the loft. So 19 people come up to the loft. We surround him.

Why don't we just bring him down? I hope we can hold our weight. Stop that now. Preach. Who are you? What do you want with me? I'll tell you anything Why are you wanted by the Grey Garners?

That's an easy question, right? How do you even know who I am? You're the Senator, aren't you? Some of us are very intelligent They shook down our boat Looking for a man that fits your exact description And you look rather like a Senator on the run Some of us are very intelligent. And two weeks ago, I learned that the Revolutionary Council wanted me dead. But I have absolutely no idea why. I haven't done anything wrong, to my knowledge.

I have served as a diligent voice for the Galton people my entire career. Never once has anyone I've worked with or worked over voiced any strong objections to any of my decisions, let alone tried to have my head. But I heard that the council wanted me dead and people don't survive those things. So I needed to get out of there. I had my wife and my children. I put them on a boat

and told them to just head south to Tal'Dor and that I would hopefully meet up with them. And then I took my staff with me to try and find this group. So during the time when I found out that the council wanted me dead, could you put the knife away? It's very dangerous near my neck. And it's making me much more nervous. I'm unarmed! Ethel will pat him down and

not just take his word for it. No knife. Not even a razor to shave his face. You know, you could have shaved your face. That would have helped disguise your appearance. I ran out of shaving cream. I ran out of shaving cream. But he will withdraw

the hatchet so he doesn't... Oh, thank you. So, once I knew that they wanted me dead, I started very quickly to plan an escape, and I received a strange missive from a group calling themselves the Stardust Augurs. And these Stardust augers expressed sympathy for my unexpected reversal

of fortune and offered to shelter me in their homeland, which is somewhere within the northern Verduran forest. So I figured if I could just reach there in Taldor, I would be fine. It's really the only option I have. I have no other options.

I fled Esan with these courtiers, sent my wife and children there, because if the Revolutionary Council wants you dead, then you're as good as dead. I know not who or what these Stardust Augurs are, but it's my only hope. And then we were robbed by bandits three days ago. I have nothing now, but I promise you, if you help me and my family,

I will contact you and I will repay you tenfold once I get to safety and contact my associates who are still loyal to me in Taldor. I say this not to brag, but I am a very, very rich man. I will take care of you and your ship. I just need someone to save me. Can you describe in detail your political philosophy? For God's sake.

What do you like? That's your political philosophy? No, I just... Just having a conversation. Mike, that's what the vote is for. I'm a man of the people. What kind of fish do you prefer?

The ones in New Vastonia, of course. We have them shipped to Isan. Well, what are we talking about then? Come along, friend. You'll allow us a moment senator to discuss yes and I have some things that the bandits did not take I don't want to

impose upon you but you could call my courtiers back and they could help as well I'm assuming you saw them and they sent you here yes indeed yes but please just give us a moment. All right.

And we'll stop. And Ethel knocks him unconscious so he won't be able to. He says, I voted for Nader. Suki turns around. Right before he gets knocked out cold. Unconscious body and she goes, don't leave town. Just blood trickling down his... So a really

rich man with power over other people doesn't know what he's done wrong to make other people mad. I mean, obviously, he's hiding something. He's lying. Obviously, but the question really is are we more likely to get...

We're more likely to get an advantage from returning him to his family, or are we more likely to get an advantage from returning him to the Grey Gardeners? I don't see the Grey Gardeners giving us much thanks at all. Whereas if we can reestablish this man with his family in Taldor, a place where we are going, and we will need influence, it seems to me like it could be a rather good gamble. Go ahead, Aldo. So, Galt, they have, there was a sort of pogrom

against hereditary nobles in Galt, is that right? I don't know that. That was, is this, yeah, I mean, that sounds right with all the anarchy that's going on there. this yeah I mean that sounds sounds right with all the the anarchy that's going on there

yeah I think that's what like Galt represented represents sort of the dark darker side of the French Revolution

I believe like out of the two countries and I think that so maybe he is lying about being

an elected senator because I think they would be exempt maybe he is an actual like hereditary noble and he's on the run. And that could be a possibility too. It would certainly explain why they were trying to come after him. Isarn is the capital of Galt.

And that's where the Revolutionary Council sits. A lot of interesting stuff. The seat of government is the Monolith, a blackened fortress and prison, in front of which stands the final blade known as Madame Marjorie, a guillotine kept well-oiled by the Grey Cardinals. Yeah. well-oiled by the Grey Cardinals. Yeah.

Galt is like the terror in the aftermath of the French Revolution. That's sort of what it's meant to be analog. All the statues have been toppled over and defaced. The mosaics are splattered with blood and the plazas and parks now ring with the haunted wails of the homeless

who have flocked to the city in search of food. He seems like a nice guy. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Casimir is in Taldor. Yes. The Verdurian Forest, I believe, is just

to the northeast of it. And to our current knowledge, we have no reason to go back to Galt, or a reason we'll need to ever go to Galt again. That we know of. Right, unless you're returning home to Threshmore, but you could also tell your captain, like, just please don't stop in Galt. Right.

I don't know. I just feel like the gamble here is reunite him with his family and try to gain some advantage in Taldor, the place we are heading. I agree. At least until we can figure out where this guy stands on the issues. Yeah.

I can look at his voting record. If we can pull up his voting record that would be helpful. And if we do happen to get stopped by some Grey Gardeners along the way, somehow we can just say, oh we were looking for you and just turn him over in that event Yeah, that's true. Also I can

give him a shave and then he'll look a little different. That'll be interesting to see what he'll look like, clean shaven Yeah Maybe we'll fit him with a wig of some kind Yeah. Oh he's coming to I have one last question and maybe we'll fit him with a wig of some kind. Yeah. Oh, he's coming to. I have one last question. We're about to make our decision.

Oh, my beautiful teeth. We are about to make our decision, but I do have one more question. Yes. Are you on the level? It's so strange. Your partner asked me the same exact thing in such a creepy way.

Yes, I am on the level. What is your obsession with the level in which I'm on? Well, your particular staff doesn't seem to know another term for saying that they are untrustworthy. All they say is they're on the level over and over again. Well, that's what I taught them. As if the GM didn't script his lines at all. That's what I taught them, and I'm glad to hear that they're expousing my beliefs. We don't like the word trustworthy.

What does it mean? What is trust? We're on the level. We're on the level. I like him. All right, this stuff that he has, is it carryable by us, or is it, like, too much? Okay. Yeah, for sure.

We will carry your things. Oh, thank you. Well, I add it to your reward, if you will. I promise you. I am a man of my word, and my lovely wife and children. I have three children, and I just want to see them again, so thank you. Thank you so much. And he's, like, half in tears as he hobbles down the ladder,

wipes the hay off the blood from Ethel's blows, and you walk outside, each of you grabbing a piece of his luggage. And you start walking back to the ship. Everybody roll a perception check.

Perception! Perception! Perception! 25 Perception. Perception. Perception. 25 for Atticus. 20 for him. 30. Oh, sorry. 33 for Suki.

Okay. Everyone but Ethel hears. Oh, you gotta be shitting me. Like, you have to be shitting me. You have gotta be shitting me. Like, you have to be shitting me. You have to be shitting me. Multiple nations away. A horse. 500 miles away.

If this was a television show, you would hear that foot-a-bump. Sure enough, foot-a-bump, foot for the boo, you see three horses galloping up towards y'all coming. Oh, no. Do I have time to quickly shave the senator? If only. You get maybe one whisker off before you see Galaur and two of the hunters that she's with oh my god

oh my god and she stops maybe five feet from all of you this scene five of you and the senator and the senator's like no please please protect me stands behind Ethel and Galucus' stairs.

Again, you just see this mask, not even a mask, it's like a sheet with a face that's drawn on it. It's just a scowl. She says, well, travelers, you are crafty when we met on the shores of Debril I did not sense any lies but I knew there was more to you than meets the eye step aside the senator's life and that of his companions

are forfeit as will be yours if you choose to stand against me Ethel puts up his hands Ferris steps aside no please you don't understand I'm innocent I've done nothing wrong someone has either

set me up or they're just sending me to my death to eliminate me for no reason. I have a family. Please, please. Can I do a perception to assess the prowess of these people? Like, I mean, are we way outclassed by these people or does it look like Ethel could take them? You know what I mean? Are their weapons, their armor, well beyond anything that we have?

Or that kind of thing? Yeah, that's a good check. Any of you can roll that. Okay. Ethel would like to roll that. 27, perception. 32, perception. There you go.

27, perception. 32, perception. There you go. The two men that are with Glauer look like trackers. You see, like, goggles at their side. They have kukris. Looks like they're wearing leather armor. Right now they have crossbows in their hand. Now, the Grey Gardener, Glower, as she's named, looks a little beefier.

The legend of the Grey Gardeners carries with it perhaps more... It adds a certain weight. You don't really know what to expect. You can't even see her face. They're dangerous. They oftentimes are spellcasters. But they are outnumbered right now. You don't think Amilo Daldamain is going to be much help.

But if it did come to that, it's five on three. Ethel looks to Aldo and Atticus. I've got a question. Miss Glower, was it? She just stares, doesn't respond. Altite Glower, I'll take that

glowering look of yours as a yes. Traditionally, in circumstances like this, someone might expect a reward for turning in a wanted criminal. Might that be the case here? No. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

That man belongs to the Revolutionary Council. The reward is for you to keep your life, for perhaps harboring someone. Hey, hey, hey. No one's doing any harboring here. Am I ever ready?

Can we just all... No, no harboring. No harboring. No. All you have is his things in your hands. Yeah, no. Like a trunk that says, property of Senator Daldrin. It's not mine. This is circumstantial evidence at best.

Now, I haven't consulted with my colleagues yet, but he did offer to give us a rather substantial reward should we aid him in his journey to where he would be safe. So I'm just like thinking of this. I'm measuring it like one in both hands, like no reward on your side if we turn him in and a great reward if we protect him from you. And I vote that we kill these three and take him on his way.

Very well. Ethel throws his hatchet at one of the crossbow guys. Oh, my God. and take him on his way. Very well. Ethel throws his hatchet at one of the crossbow guys. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Oh, I love that scene. Just like, yeah, surprise round. I love that you get a surprise round no matter your initiative roll.

That's really cool. It really is great. Troy is such a fucking great GM. Great GM. You know, I don't even care that it doesn't exist in 2A. Let's do it. Yeah. You know, I don't even care that it doesn't exist in 2A. Let's do it. Aldo, what did you roll? I'm actually, I think I'm going to roll my diplomacy.

Okay, I like that, yeah. I like it. I like it. That would be, that's a 14. 14, okay. Yeah. Atticus. 21. Okay. Atticus. 21.

Okay, Atticus. I will tell you right now, the DC for you is DC 23, your cognitive dissonance. Oh, so I hit it exactly before. Eris, what is your Anish? Got a natural two, 12. Oh, Joron, your Anish. What about Ethel? What do you want me to roll here?

I mean, I could just roll Perception, but I also thought maybe Athletics to kind of really quickly get off the throw or something like that. You know what? That might be against what they intended, but I like it. It's fun. So yeah, roll Athletics. That will be a 30. Roll of Fence. Oh my god.

And you know what? It kind of fits that because you didn't wait for like oh we're going to fight now you actually just fucking threw it so I like that you got a little bit of a jump but are you faster than them and then Suki sorry I rolled a nat 20 for a 35

plus my incredible initiative that's a 37 whoa 37 alright so you're just hanging out in the back watching and waiting. I just wanted to shout out Dragon Rider Jay, who says, Every time you roll a skill check for initiative, a Jason Bullman gets his wing. Jason Bullman gets his wing. With the Christmas theme.

Holy shit, you're fighting a Grey Gardener. Sha-ga-ga-ga-goo. I feel like Grey Gardener is a prestige class in first edition. You can get up to Grey Gardener. But if I'm correct, I remember reading it, and the prerequisites are just crazy. You'd be like, oh, ten ranks in this, ten ranks in this, ten ranks in this. You'd have to burn feats to get bonus ranks in certain things.

Yeah, I mean, you'd have to really want that build. They're pretty cool. They're like a very specialized Inquisitor. All right, so you're going to fight this Greg Gardner. The Greg Gardner did roll the highest initiative with a 39. How dare you? So Galaur will go first. And she looks at you, Aldo, and she says,

You and your life are now property of the Revolutionary Council. And she uses the one action harsh judgment. She chooses a creature she can see, loudly declares the creature's life forfeit by her judgment. That creature becomes her condemned foe until they are defeated. Or she switches to use harsh judgment on somebody else. That creature becomes her condemned foe until they are defeated. Oh, no. Or she switches to use harsh judgment on somebody else. So she gets all sorts of bonuses against that creature.

So that's her first action. And then she will just like jump off the horse with crazy speed. And she will draw her longbow. Remind me, it's draw and interact? Yeah. Okay, so those are her three actions. I don't want to stay a horse.

So she will harsh judgment, move action to get off the horse, and then draw the longbow. And she also didn't load the longbow. Oh, the longbow. I thought you said crossbow. Yeah, no, the other guys have crossbows. She has a longbow. Got it. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

And now it's Suki's turn. You know what? Let's go to the... Suki beat Ethel? I can't remember what she rolled. Yeah, she rolled a 37. All right. All right, so... Let me just fix this map.

Can you guys see the map? I can see a black rectangle. It's all blacked out for us. Okay. Talk amongst yourselves. I see our names. I see our names. Oh, that's good.

I don't see Eris's name. Yeah, I see four names. Oh, no. Because I ran away. Oh. I was like, I don't have anyis's name. Yeah, I see four names. Oh, no. Because I ran away. Oh. I was like, I don't have any skin in this game. You just were slowly backing up as the horses approached, like step, step, step.

I didn't know you guys were deep into this type of thing. Suki says, don't worry, Eris. We know how, and she turns around, you're gone. See you later. Don't worry, guys guys I have a great idea I'm really excited Me too I'm going to do something really cool

When I go There we go Alright so now you can see Let me just get my Hello They moved up to talk to you here Did the senator run back to the house? No I'm just

I'm quickly What a coward I'm moving everyone around. You see, oh, oh, please help me. I believe you established that the Grey Gardener was five feet away from you. Did I? Yeah, it did, on her horse. All right, yeah, so she's right, she pulled right up to, who did she talk to?

Yeah, right, right there we'll say. Well, she jumped off the horse. She jumped back there. Okay. Now it is Suki's turn. Yeah, so Suki's been in the back watching and realizing the tense, just the tenseness grow and the air is like hot around them.

And she has slowly been whispering. Arasana, arasana. And suddenly, like in an anime opening, her white dress billowing. And for a split second, was she naked? No, this is a PG rated anime and you don't see anything, but you're like something's happening. And her dress flies off and she suddenly becomes large and in the shape of what looks like to us in our time a triceratops but in this time

some sort of draconic monster dragon-esque scaled creature there are dinosaurs in this world I don't like that though I want her to be a dragon I know you can have dragon form people in the chat are going to bite my head off. Fine, whatever. She's a dinosaur.

I think it's silly there are dinosaurs. It's like a lost world kind of thing. There's certain parts of the world where there are. Sydney, are you one of those people who believes that dinosaurs don't exist? They're a hoax? I'm just saying, you know all the bones you see at the museum? That's not the real bones.

They don't put the real ones out until I see the real ones you don't believe it have Skid and I not told you about how we are texting buddies with a dinosaur I think actually I was there Skid was

updating us in the Uber and he was like let me shoot him a text right now. And you were like, oh, no, it was you, Matthew. And you were like, hey, buddy, do you like baseball? Yeah. Matthew and Skid are texting a dinosaur. That's the joke. The dinosaur in the Field Museum has a texting line,

and every once in a while, we'll check in on it. The Suki-saurus has entered the map. Yeah! But you know what I've realized? This is me figuring out my wild shape stuff Playing this druid because this is what people talk about It takes two actions to Do your wild shape

So I'm done for this round And then I get to do something cool next round But for this round I just turn into a big dinosaur Well that's two actions I can move but I don't... Do I need to... You know what? I will move closer,

and I see her... She yelled at Aldo, and I don't like that in my dinosaur form, so I'm going to move up in front of Aldo to protect him. Awesome. Thank you. This is so ridiculous, and I love it.

It's pretty spicy. All right, now it goes to Ethel. I love it. It's pretty spicy. Alright, now it goes to Ethel. Ethel, I believe your goal was to throw a hatchet at one of these Johnskys, right? Yeah, so I'll throw a hatchet right at the southernmost Johnsky. That

is going to be a natural 12, but this is different because it's a ranged strike. 26 to him. Okay, and this is different because it's a ranged strike. 26 to hit. Okay, and does that include any fatigued, the fatigue condition? Yes, I have that on my sheet. Okay, then you just got a hit, my friend.

Nice. So that is going to be... So glad that hit. Me too. You're a badass. That's going to be 10 points of damage. Okay. Me too. That's a badass. That's going to be nine points. I'm sorry, ten points of damage.

Okay. And then the hatchet immediately just returns to Ethel's hand. Oh, that's just fucking awesome. Comes back to your head. Embeds itself on the guy's, like, shoulder, and then it just returns to Ethel's hand. And Ethel is going to step up. Ethel is going to step up.

He's going to join Sukisaurus with the Grey Gardener, and he'll do, for his third action, take a strike with his Warhammer. The Grey Gardener? That is going to be a 31 to hit. Oh, my goodness. Ethel! That's with fatigued and multiple attack penalty? Yeah, plus 13. I rolled a natural 18. Wow.

Oh my god. That's good. Yes, that is a shield. I mean a hit. It's a shield. It's a shield, alright. Everett just like out of the side, like just real quickly flings the hatchet,

hits the crossbow guy on the shoulder. The hatchet returns to his hand. He charges the Grey Gardener and just levels a big old 18 points of damage onto the Grey Gardener's chest plate. Okay. Gross. That's intense.

Okay. Now it is the tracker's turn. Gross. That's intense. Okay, now it is the tracker's turn. I'm sorry, 15 points of damage, not 18. Okay. I rolled an 18. I did 15. Thank you for being honest. The tracker's here. The first one is going to

shoot his crossbow at you, but he's going to start his crossbow at you, but he's going to start with an action that is going to boost the damage of it and also allow him to load the crossbow. So the first action is he does this thing called trick attack, and then

he shoots the crossbow at you. Natural two. Nice! Oh, God. And so then, uh, with my third action, uh, he will, uh, jump off his horse. That was the guy, um, right next to them. Yep.

And then the other guy will, uh, jump or wait is that him no no he's fine he's fine i'll just bear with that the other guy jumps off the horse and also does the trick attack and then shoots at ethel as well uh please be higher than a natural two not much higher uh that's gonna be a 25 to hit because of fatigue that is my ac exactly. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Okay, so that's going to be six points of damage, but then minimum eight points total. Is his ally giving any cover? Is he shooting through part of his ally's square to hit Ethel? I'm going from the far corner to the far corner of Ethel's, and that looks clean. Is that how it works in 2A? No idea. I'm going from the far corner to the far corner of Ethel's, and that looks clean.

Is that how it works in Tui? No idea. Draw one unbroken line from any one corner. It just sounded good on paper. Yeah, I think he has a clean shot there. It'd be one thing if he's standing there, you know what I mean? I mean, you could also just have him shoot and then jump off the horse. Sure. Yeah.

Okay, so that's not a lot of damage, and that's its turn. All right, so Atticus comes to you. Uh, Atticus is going to move up behind Eris, and as he passes the senator, he's just like, stay back! Okay. And he moves up behind Eris and he will begin an incantation for

electric arc. So he will attempt to cast this spell at the crossbowman and he gets it! Yes! With a natty 16 on the will save. This is a great situation for it here.

Yeah, for real. And then he still has to roll to hit. First to hit is a 22. All right, so it's the first tracker there. Yeah. That hits. Oh, beautiful. I haven't... Wait, do I...

No, no, no, I'm sorry. I don't want to hit. I just roll reflex hit. I don't. Yeah, it, I'm sorry. I don't really hit. I just roll reflex hits. I don't, yeah, it is. It's two targets, reflex hit. All right, so you're doing both of the trackers? Yeah, both the trackers. Actually, no, we'll do a tracker and her.

All right, the first save is a 29. Okay. And then for her, it is also a 29. Okay, so those are both successes, but I did really, really, really well on damage. So that is 17 points

of damage, but it does get halved. So that is 8 points of damage each. 8 points of damage each. Okay. Okay, any actions left there, Mr. Atticus? No, that is a move and then a wait, yeah, move and then a two action cast.

Okay, great. Then it goes to Aldo. Aldo. Aldo, alright, so Aldo is going to move behind Atticus to get a little bit of a better angle on this and he is going to move behind Atticus to get a little bit of

angle on this and he is going to throw a bottle of lightning at the closer of the two trackers oh that's a 19 that's a miss but splashed that is 3 points of splash damage

okay 3 points of splash damage ok 3 points of splash yeah and then I am going to use well yeah I'm going to throw another one throw another one ok yeah another 3 points of splash

great alright so Atticus you lay down that electric arc. They both the tracker and Glower make their save, but it does a little bit of damage. Aldo, you step up, throw two of these electric bombs. They both miss, but they at least do splash damage. So that first tracker is taking some damage there. And then we round out the round with Eris.

OK. I can use spells. So this is going to be great, and I have so many at my disposal. The first thing I want to cast is a focus spell. And I want to cast it. I've thought long and hard about this.

How do I make the circle appear on roll 20? I don't know. What's this about? I can drop it for you. Is it a range thing? Well, no. I just... I want to cast this focus spell on the one that's right to my left. Yeah.

Okay. And so I have, like, my hand stretched out to that one, and also my hand stretched out to, like, the main guy. Okay. That's in front of Ethel. And I bring my left hand down, and I just, like, say my name. And then I focus a little bit more on the main guy.

And I think I need to roll. Oh, God. Okay. I don't like this. and I think I need to roll. Oh, God. Okay. I don't like this. I roll for my spell. Please don't. Ooh, natural 13, so that's a 28 for my spell.

Okay, 28, and that is to both of them, or is it separate rolls for each of them? To the main guy. All right, 28 on the main guy is a yet. And you need to roll a will save. A will save. Okay.

Does this spell have the fear or mental trait attached to it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I rolled a natural one. You did? I have this ability.

It triggers if I fail a will save against an effect with the mental or fear trait. I would take 15 mental damage but succeed on the save. I'm like using my will to beat the save, but it doesn't work when

you critically fail. Wow! What a cool ability! That's really cool. So if that's the case, here's what happens to your character. Oh my god. You become immediately flat-footed and frightened three. Oh come on.

Oh, my God. Right now. Maybe more will happen later. Oh, my gosh. She's doing Troy back to Troy. For now. You're flat-footed and you're frightened three. And then my focus spell, I guess I need to roll against that enemy, too.

Okay. The left enemy. So flat footed and... I'll give you a moment to put all your conditions on your power. Let me know when you're ready. Alright, so for my focus spell

on the one to the left, ooh, natural 18. So that's where's my occultism? Oh my god, that's some heavy math. That's like a 35 or something. Okay.

That would be a crit. And you're sure this spell is an attack spell? It's one that you have to roll and not one that I just roll? What's the name of the spell? It's called Needle of Vengeance. Oh, wow. Excuse me? Yeah.

That sounds like something you roll. Needle of Vengeance. It's my focus spell. And you get a saving throw. A long, jagged needle jabs into the target foe's psyche whenever it tries to attack a specifically forbidden creature. Okay, wow, okay. Interesting.

Oh, it's a saving throw. Alright, so I gotta roll a will save? Mm-hmm. Gross. Gross! This poor guy. That is going to be a 24. My occult DC is

25. So that is a fail. I'm having so much fun. So what happens to this poor sap? You'll find out if you mess with me. Okay. So maybe you feel like, do you want to mess with me? I don't know.

Take that choice. But maybe something will happen. All right. So the spell you cast on Glaro was two actions, and this was a one action spell. Yep. Right? That's all I got. You will not be invited back. Alright, so the spell you cast on Glaura was two actions and this was a one action spell Yep You will not be invited back Sorry Kit, I just got a rules lawyer

here You do have to pick a specific creature for the effect, I won't say what the effect is and it can be you Don't mess with me Okay Alright Well, now it's round two you. Don't mess with me. Okay. Okay. Alright. Well, now it's round two, and it's

Glauer's turn. Glauer is frightened three. And flat-footed jeepers. Alright, let's just revisit frightened real quick. Trance Kuja, I'm assuming using Troy's voice, says it was nice having you, Kate.

Alright, frightened goes down by one at the end of each thing, but I take a status penalty on all my checks and DCs. So that's going to be bad if you guys start casting more spells on me. But maybe I'll start casting some spells. I've got my longbow out. Useless. Really bad weapon in this situation. Yep.

You wouldn't want to provoke from a triceratops, would you? I'm going to, oh god, I'm going to drop my longbow as I slide back. Does that movement provoke? Yes. Well, I have to get out of here. Is there a...

There's no step you can take without provoking in 2E? Well, I could take a guarded step, but I moved back 10 to get away from the Suki Sorus. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was only 5. I didn't see it. Well, I am assuming the Suki Sorus has the reaction to... Like, has a reaction attack of opportunity. No, not Suki Sorus. It doesn't tell me that I do.

I don't think I get it. Why are you helping him? Ethel's got it. I'll do the five foot step back. But still, if I try to cast a spell, it's still going to provoke from Ethel. So I'm just going to move back. Ethel, take your attack.

Come on, make it count. This is huge. Free damage? With the Warhammer. That's a 36 to hit. Oh my god! That is a critical hit. Yeah!

I mean, especially with the flat-footed. Joe, may I choose Honolulu, Hawaii? Wait, was it a natural 20? Well, wait. No, it was not a natural 20 Just double damage Okay, just double damage Okay

This is probably better than whatever we would have pulled That's going to be 34 points of damage I don't like that One Damn So when I did my perception check to size them up You're telling me Atticus knew without question that we were going to mow them down.

All right, well, okay, that's cool. I am going to cast a spell on you. Ethel, give me a will save. Now my saves have gone down because of the fatigue. Because you're tired. Because I'm tired. You're so tired. That is going to be a 24.

Failure. Yeah, I thought so. You just failed Phantasmal Killer. Oh no! Oh no. That's why he's willing to take the A-O-O to get enough distance to just... As soon as you started taunting him, Joe,

I was like, I think that guy probably had something up her sleeve. All right. It's not too bad. It's a lot worse when you critically fail. But you take 34 points of damage, mental damage, as just like...

I imagine you're still seeing images of Bokrug, and it's just the most fearsome creature imaginable you see, and only you see it. And you know it's not real, but you can't wrap your head around it. It seems so real in the moment. You think, has Bokrug returned? And you take 34 points of mental damage,

and you're frightened, too. Frightened, too. Maybe it was your ex-wife. I know. The most fearsome creature. Yeah, it was a process server. Like, you're fearsome. Atta! Atta!

I just see the process server just, like, coming up to the store where I work. Right. No! No! God, no! No! All right, so that's its turn where it had to move.

Can I just layer a little flavor on here? I think I've done this before, but ever since I started playing Atticus and got deep into the illusory school of magic, Phantasmal Killer got a lot cooler for me. Because a lot of the things that you do as an illusionist are figments or glamours. Making things appear there that are not there or glamours making things appear different than what they actually are. But phantasms are so wonderfully

unique because they are something that only you see. So when this happens, Ethel's horror at this is like completely out of nowhere to us. You know, we don't see anything at all. And Ethel's horror at this is like completely out of nowhere to us. You know, we don't see anything at all. And Ethel's just like, you know what I mean? And it's got to be so weird to witness from the outside.

This blood starts coming out of his ears and nose. Oh, I know. Yeah. That's a lot of damage. All right, now it is Suki's turn. Woo! Question. So in this form, can I still do two attacks?

It doesn't say anything about not being able to. You know, I played a druid for all of two seconds in David Winter's side campaign of Agents of Edgewatch, and I never quite wrapped my head around it, and I forgot how it works. How what works? I'm sorry? Wild shape and attacking. I can't remember. Because I would normally get...

I can do multiple attacks. I'm level 8, but one or more... You have three actions. Yeah. You have three actions. It's just the multiple attack penalty makes it so you don't want to take that third attack. But I can do it. I'm just making sure I can do it in this form.

There's nothing that says you can only do one attack. Doc Robotnik says you absolutely still have three actions. Cool. Okay. Just making sure. I trust the doc. The doc knows what the doc knows. Doc, doc, are you telling me?

Doc, are you telling me? I'm just making a reaction. Even when I'm a human. Is it Triceratops? Thank you, doc. Is it Triceratops? Is it Triceratops? Thank you, Doc. It's a triceratops? It's a triceratops? You're telling me.

I'm going to absolutely stomp over towards the one, the, what's, he's a tracker? Yeah. On the upper, closest to the house, I'm going to stomp over as Sucasaurus and step on him with my foot as my first attack and that's going to be oh 90, 16 plus, what's my new attack modifier? oh right, plus 16

I assume that's a hit 32 is a hit, not a crit though good lord and here's my, oh it's a d6 for a crit, though. Good lord. And here's my... Oh, it's a d6 for this one for my little foot. 2d6. Okay. Not that great.

That's going to be six points of damage as I step on that man's arm. Ow! And then... It's a woman. Sorry, with that lady's arm. It's a woman! with my... It's a woman. Sorry, with that lady's arm. It's a woman!

And then I'm going to use my horn on my second attack and try to spear... What's her face? Glower. Glower. What's my thumb here again, Mr. Glower? Glower. Don't hit my sawyer again!

I mean, we're right on theme tonight. That's gonna be 30 to hit with my horn. Oh, wait, hold on. I know you're sad. I know you're sad, Mr. Carr. I know you're sad. God, I could start crying right now just thinking

about that scene. When he hugs him and starts crying. Oh, my God. I wish I had a million dollars. Hot dog. Hot dog. You got to tell me, am I good here? I didn't listen at all to anything you said, Sydney.

Yeah, I did the math wrong anyway. With my minus, it's only a 22 to hit her flower. Oh, so you don't do any damage. Wait, did you say 32 went to 22? It's only minus 5. 30. 30. Went to 22, because my first is 12. Oh, wait,

but now it's fucked up, because I don't know my... That's my melee, is 12, 8, shoot. Hold on. Wait, so did you hit it with your first attack for 32? What? You moved up to it first action. Second action, you, so did you hit it with your first attack for 32? What? You moved up to it first action. Second action you attack. Did you hit it? Or this is what

we're talking about. She attacked the tracker on the first action. I tracked the tracker. Oh, this is my third. Sorry. This is my third action. Well, I definitely missed then. I rolled a 14. I can't tell what my third... How do you lower? But you only took two attacks.

Sorry, hold on. We gotta back up. Let's everything stop. Yeah. You rolled... You said you rolled a 32. Did that actually happen? No. For the first one? On your first attack. Yes. And were you attacking the tracker? Because that is a crit if you were attacking the tracker. Yes, I was attacking the tracker. I stepped on the tracker. I thought so, but

when Troy said her, I was like, oh, I guess Sydney said she was attacking the Great Gardener. And you did 8 damage, so instead of 8, or was it 6? It was 6. Alright, so you do 12 damage. Okay, to the tracker. Okay. Then your second attack has a minus 4. It has a minus 4. Okay.

I'm guessing, because you said 12 and 8. Yeah, it might be agile. It's like a natural weapon I don't know It's my horn Melee horn Where did you You said plus 12 plus 8

Where did that come from That was my unarmed I was trying to read my character sheet My attack modifier is plus 16 as my dinosaur form Okay then I'm sure your next attack is plus 11. That's the safest way to assume. So what would your plus 11 net? 14. 25. That's a miss. Okay.

Just to go back and retcon one other thing. It was a 6, so it was a 12. And then my damage bonus. Sorry, I'm reading off my new dinosaur sheet. It's entirely different. It's a whole new sheet. It's written in crayon. My damage bonus. Sorry, I'm reading off my new dinosaur sheet. It's like entirely different. It's a whole new sheet. It's written in crayon.

My damage bonus is a plus nine. So add the plus nine to the 12. Plus 18. Plus 18. Oh, for double. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can it be dead? So 30 points of damage.

I'd like you to take damage for making that so hard. I've taken damage to my time my mental damage I'll do better next time I'm working on it I'm a big dinosaur my brain is my dinosaur brain is so small and my feet are so big it's the one thing a cleric can't heal

time that's right so many clerics have tried time heals everything and I bow and my turn's over oh what a turd meanwhile

back at the combat it's Ethel's turn alright Ethel is bleeding from the eyes and ears having

having just seen the most horrifying vision of a process server uh did you take out the trash? A process server. And he is going to act a little heedlessly,

and he's going to move, he's going to swing around here. My mother-in-law's staying with us this weekend. Does the southern tracker have an attack of opportunity? Does the southern tracker have an attack of opportunity? Does the southern tracker have an attack of opportunity? That's an excellent question. I'm glad someone finally asked it. No. Okay.

And then so he will flank Mr. Glower, Ms. Glower, and then I will do a double slice with the warhammer and the hatchet. On Glower. On Glower. Yikes. Wow. On Glower. On Glower. Yikes. Okay. The hatchet almost certainly misses with a 21. Don't forget she's flat-footed.

Flat-footed. Okay. And then the warhammer is going to be a 28. That is a hit. Yes. Nice. That's going to be 13 points of damage. 13 points of damage.

Jeepers creepers. Okay, it is the tracker's turn. Where the hell is the other tracker? Underneath Suki's source. Oh, Suki can't move there? He's finally moved back. But you have reach on there. Yeah, I have 10 because I'm large.

All right, so this guy's like, ah! He's crossbow and draws a kukri and just starts stabbing at the Suki-saurus. Final action. The kukri, natural 20 on the Kukri. Kukri, Fran and Ollie. That's exactly

what we needed to dodge. That's great. Joe, give me a random Krizoni. Random melee? Oh, sorry. Was that ranged? Oh, Kukri. Right, right, right. Preferably a Kukri-based Krip. This is a named character? Preferably a... No, Kukri. Right, right, right. Preferably a Kukri-based crit. This is a named character?

Preferably a... No. It doesn't matter. We don't have... We haven't established the rules for this. Would we just... Would we just please let some fans get their crits in here, Matthew? He does have it.

When they're against us. You Scrooge? No. Yeah. All right. This one from Danny Peters in Warrensburg, Illinois. Danny P. Hello, Danny.

Danny P. Take it to the bridge. Normal damage. Gross. I don't know what else is coming from here. Your attack comes swinging with such gusto that you spin around and around, allowing yourself to perform the same identical attack action for free. Normal damage, then roll to make the same attack again against your target.

This new attack has an innate plus five bonus. So you could crit on this attack easily. What isn't stated here is do I take the multiple attack penalty? No, it says you take the same... Oh. Oh, no. It says you take the same identical attack action for free. Ah, okay. So, for free, it doesn't cost me the map. Okay. So,

take 10 points of damage, and then Suki soars. And it spins around and does another attack for free! For free. Plus 5 innate bonus. And misses with the second attack. Even with the plus five? With the plus five, 23. Miss.

Miss. Okay, natural armor. Okay, that's that guy's turn. Nice, thank you. And then the other one drops the crossbow and draws Kukri as he comes towards Eris. And, uh, actually I'll use my trick attack, which lets me draw for free

and then do bonus damage if I hit with my Kukri! That is gonna be a 26 to hit, Eris. Yeah, that hits. Okay. Um, uh, Hold on a second. Uh-huh.

All right, so... Terrible damage. Can we do your... Yeah, I was going to let him finish his turn. All right, so it would be 11 points of damage. 11. Oh, what if it kills him? You take 8 points of mental damage.

8 points of mental damage. Eight points of mental damage? Okay, and explain. This is from your spell? So this is from my focus spell that I cast was Needle of Vengeance, and I called out my name, and this character that's attacking me was a target, and basically, every time

you make a hostile action against the named creature, which is me, you take eight mental damage. And it lasts for one minute. So this mental vengeance like pours into my brain and it basically, if I attack you, it spikes me in the brain. You get like a little jolt to your brain when you like hit me. That's very, very cool. For eight damage. That's awesome.

Wow. There's so many spells in 2E we have no idea about. Great. Okay. Well, it's Atticus spells in 2e we have no idea about. Great, okay. Well, it's Atticus' turn now. Speaking of spells, don't forget that Glauer is frightened three. At this point, is she... Frightened two.

I've been a little too lucky here, but I'm just going to try to... Oh, God. Atticus. He's going to take a step to his left from out between Aldo and Eris. Looking straight ahead of him, 10 feet away, is a crossbowman ranger. 10 feet beyond him, another crossbowman ranger. And he feels like this is the perfect time to unleash a lightning bolt through the two of them.

Oh, beautiful. And he begins the casting, but it does have verbal components. And he gets it exactly. 23 on the will save. Again, to me, he still doesn't know there's a problem. He's saying this stuff, and it's coming through, and he just shaboom. That is a basic reflex save, buddy. All right, who's this against?

The two crossbowmen, the men. I forgot a really cool thing that my character does, because you sliced me. What happens? The creature that slices me needs to take a fortitude saving throw because my wound yawns open and it appalls you. Oh, that's disgusting. It yawns open. Kate, I fucking love this. My wound yawns open and it appalls you.

You're like a terrifying Ghibli movie as a character. That is amazing. I imagine I crit succeeded at 29. Yeah, that's good. He's seen wounds yawn bigger than yours. All right, first tracker rolls a nat 20, and the second tracker rolls a 24. Okay, so the one

that rolled a 24 takes 28 points of electricity damage. Okay. And the other one takes no damage for the critical success. That might have been enough to take him out. Yeah.

The other guy hadn't taken any damage, so that gets through. Critical success. Critical success. That might have been enough to take him out. Yeah. Damn it. The other guy hadn't taken any damage, so that gets through. All right, that was a two-action spell. Did you move up to cast that? Yeah, I stepped because I had to get them in a line. I got you. Oh, yeah, I'm just kind of setting you up for that. Okay, great.

Yeah, you walked right into it. I was like, oh, this is the time I'm going to fail the will-safe. And I didn't. I hit it right on the money. What a dream. That's such a dream when you get everybody lined up and that's fun. Yeah. I'm glad you had that moment. Threat gift. Alright, it is

Aldo's turn. Aldo, you're due. Alright, Aldo is going to throw another Bottled Lightning at the foremost tracker. Okay. Come on, man. Natural 19.

That might be a crit. That might be a crit. That should be a crit. That is a 34. Yeah, that's a crit. Okay. That is 20 points of damage. That is a dead tracker. Yes!

Amazing, Aldo dead tracker. Yes! Amazing, Aldo. Perfect! Yes! And two points of splash damage to Mrs. Glower. Ah, to Mrs. Glower. Okay. Yeah. And then I'm going to throw a moderate acid flask on her.

Try it. That's a 25. 25 just misses. Okay. Oh, is her AC down from flat-footed? That's a 25 25 just misses Oh is your AC down From flat footed that's a hit Yes Does the flat footed stay permanent Kate or for X amount of rounds

So I think it stays until the duration of this ends Which is three rounds Okay so it would still be active Yeah so you're flat footed and frightened Frightened three for three rounds. Okay, so it would still be active. Yeah, so you're flat-footed and frightened three for three rounds. I gotcha. Okay. Your frightened goes

down every round. Yeah. So I have been putting it down, so when my frightened goes away, my flat-footed goes away. Oh, so you're flat-footed as long as you're frightened. You're not a candidate. Yeah. Alright, Sked, what's the damage? Okay, so she takes two points of acid damage right now, and then on her turn, she'll start taking persistent damage

unless she makes the flat check. Okay. God, I'm making her look like a punk. It is the end of the round. No, it's Eris's turn. God. Hey, so listen, I did a little bit of injustice when I cast my spell on Big Batty over here.

I didn't really give you any, like, theatrics about it and, like, what's really going on in her mind and why she's flat-footed and frightened. So what I did when I cast it was I kind of sifted through a myriad of potential futures, and I seized upon one potential moment in which she meets a particularly gruesome and fatal end.

And then I show it in a vision of their impending demise. And this intense mental vision grows more and more terrifying to them as the doom grows closer. So what that means is that this round, they become stunned one. Oh, wow. Stunned. Backing up.

Stunned, stunned, stunned, stunned. Stunned is take no actions, right? No, stun is just you lose that action. You lose one action. You lose one action. Maybe no spell casting for you. All right, so walk me through this again. This is from a previous thing you cast,

or you're starting your round casting something? This, nope. Impending Doom is something that lasts three rounds, and you critically fail. So each round, something fun happens. And wait till you get to the last round. I can't wait. How many conditions can I put on?

All right, stunned one. All right, do you have... You're going to break the computer. All right, so what I do now is this last side guy who's alive and stabbing my new dinosaur friend. I want to

cast I'm trying to see through this target as if it's dissected and like arrayed before me. Basically. Okay. So i think that's just like i just roll a spell i roll my occult spell to hit it to see if that happens okay does the spell have the attack trait because if it doesn't you don't have then you don't have to roll it awesome i don't believe

right i think it needs to have the attack trait for you to roll. And with that, I want to... Oh, no, that's two. Okay. Sorry, I just wanted to mention one thing. Forgive me if you already did this or know about this, but you know about your needle. It seems like it's a sustain spell. It's for one minute, but that target is dead.

Oh, that. No, the needle's in Glauer's brain. No, I cast it on the dead person. The you have impending death. Oh, I'm sorry. You're right, you're right. He's dead now. Okay, okay.

But it doesn't last for a minute. I think it's sustained up to one minute, which means you have to spend an action each round sustaining it. That's what sustain means. So just FYII for future reference. Okay. Well, that's good to know. Well, I'm glad they're dead.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad you're dead then. So, yeah, I cast that spell, and then I'm also going to cast Shield on myself, which will be up until the start of my next turn. Sweet. Oh, dear. All right, so now it is round round three i'm reading the stun condition here it says you become scentless you can't act while stunned stunned usually includes a value which

indicates how many total actions you lose possibly over multiple turns from being stunned so each time you regained actions such as the start of your turn reduce the number you regained by your stunned value so um, for example, it basically would have prevented me from taking a reaction before it came back to my turn, but now I have two actions. That's cool. I didn't think about the reaction. Yeah, so great.

Two actions. That's really, really awesome that that happened. I really forgot how much I hate witches. Yeah. Yeah, it turns out that crossed over into 2E. Just like, it's a GM's nightmare. That's what a witch is. So fun.

Yeah. Okay, here. What do I want to do? Ethel, you're right there. I'm kind of limited here into continually attacking you. Just seeing if these spells are worth it. No.

I am going to draw my sword short and swing it at you. 25. Actually, that hits. That's my regular hit. I rolled a natural 4.

Jesus! 15 points of damage. Okay. That's not too bad. But that's my whole turn. She's completely weakened, and then the acid? Flat check first. Okay, I rolled a 10.

Okay, so you take nine more points of acid damage. Oh, no. Oh, she looks like such a punk. All right, Suki-saurus. Yeah, as Glower is thinking, fuck, I look like such a punk, she hears from behind her. As Glower is thinking, fuck, I look like such a punk, she hears from behind her. And I'm just going to stab into her with my horn. This is great.

I look like such a punk! I'm such a punk! That's going to be, oh God, 33 to hit. 33 is a hit. Boom, not a crit though, uh 30 33 to hit. 33 is a hit. Not a crit though, right? Not a crit. No, no. Nice! Oh, fuck yes. Um

15 uh 24 points of damage what 24 points of damage I just gored you I just took my triceratops

it's a dinosaur if only you'd watch Jurassic Park you'd have an appreciation everyone's seen that this makes me sick I'm flat footed Jurassic Park, you'd have an appreciation for what's happening right now. Everyone's seen that. This makes me sick. I'm flat-footed. I'm stunned.

One. I'm... I got acid. I'm frightened. This is a mess. This is going to make you sicker. I do it again. And... Shoot. It's not going to be as good. She is flat-footed.

Oh, right. She is flat-footed. Okay. So then my... Sorry, I'm doing math. And the flanking doesn't help us, right? Because the flanking just makes you flat-footed. She's double flat-footed.

No! 12 plus 9 is 21? Yeah. 12 plus 9 is 21? Yeah. 12 plus 9 is 21. So not a hit, I assume. 21 is not a hit. I thought it was 21 points of damage.

I was like, no! Not a hit. Please! Is that all you've got? I could try to attack again. It's not going to be good. But I can't do anything else with my one action, so. You can. Try to demoralize it.

You can do a lot of stuff. You can aid the other characters. As a dinosaur? You can move and reposition if you'd like. I don't think I can talk as a dinosaur. Aid, like you can aid in their attack. You can do something athletically or

skill-wise to boost Ethel's attack, for example. I mean, she's already flat-footed because she's flanked. But it would just give them a bonus. It gives Ethel a bonus to hit. Oh, I see what you're saying. Then you know what? Yes, then I do aid.

Let's say I spread my legs out to block off the woman's path even more, and I try to aid Ethel in her next attack, squaring her in, just pinning her in. You still have to make a roll. So what do you want to roll? You can roll like a skill for that? Athletics, I was going to do. Athletics is good. Alright, so athletics, excuse me, aid, we've been doing it a little bit wrong. Let's try and keep it more in the way.

It's supposed to be a reaction, so you're preparing on it for your turn. And then when the triggering action happens, then we'll have you roll it and see what happens. Copy, okay. I'm sure there's a reasoning as to why that happens, so we'll try and... I used to just have you roll it now and then let it carry over.

The reason is because it's a reaction. Yeah. And you shouldn't trigger that roll until that situation comes up. Something could happen where, for some reason, Ethel can attack, and so then that triggering action didn't happen. You might want to use your reaction for something else in the interim. Yeah.

Okay. Yep. Yep. Good point. Okay. Ethel. Okay. Ethel's gonna do a double slice. I like this. I like this. Green for the Warhammer. Just like this. Green for the Warhammer. Just reminding myself. Okay.

Warhammer was a natural one. Oh no. The hatchet, however, is a 32. Ah, not a crit. Alright, so a fumble and a hit. Give me the hit damage.

You know what? I'm going to use my Hero Point to reroll the Fumbo. There you go. Yes. Reroll the Fumbo? Yeah. Just smart. Okay, rerolling the Fumbo gets me a 23. 23 is a miss.

Natural six. Okay, so that's a hit from the hatchet. So that's going to be... Crack die. That is going to be 13 points of damage from the hatchet. Okay. And... She is flat-footed.

Do I go for the third attack and take the aid from Sukri? Could I have aided on the other attack? You could have. Basically, it's any time he attacks, right? I'll do a third attack, and you can aid me on this one. An ally is about to use an action

that requires a skill check or attack roll. And then, as long as you're willing to accept this aid, go ahead and roll that athletics check. Okay. That's going to be... DC is typically 20, and I would say that athletics check. Okay. That's going to be... DC is typically 20, and I would say that's fine. 21.

All right, so that's a regular success. You get plus one bonus to your check there. Loopsicle, what's your name? Ethel? Ethel Merman? Ethel Merman. Oh, that was fairly memorable. I rolled a natural 19.

Oh, no, so that's plus one, and it's flat-footed. Plus one from the eight, so that's going to be 27. 27, regular hit. Okay. Nice. Okay. Nice. Good job.

That will be 19 points of damage. She's in rough shape. Yay! Real, real rough shape. They have a lot of hit points. That's a lot of hit points. A lot. If I had just...

You guys really jumped in there. I couldn't do much. Okay, well, it is my one remaining tracker's turn. They're pretty good. Oh, I'm no longer frightened. My deck tracker is going to just keep going after the Suki-Saurus. So I will use Trick Attack and then Kukri. That is going to be probably a miss with a 21.

Miss. Nice. Oh, yeah, miss. Big time miss. Brutal. And I'll just attack again. 25. Miss.

This guy's just hacking away at this dinosaur while he screams and it is it's gotta be so horrifying so funny you show up with a grey gardener you're like I think I think we'll have this pretty well in animal like no one's gonna mess with us

triceratops it's gotta be turning to the grey garden. You never said anything about triceratops! All right there, buddy. Atticus. All right. Yep, Atticus is... Yeah, Atticus is going to pull a piece of the broken door. Actually, he's just going to pull the whole door off its hinge.

The busted up door. And just slam it into the guy. You're trying a telekinetic projectile. The guy, the crossbowman. The ranger. The tracker. The crossbowman. And there it is. Comes across and he starts to say

the incantation that is needed to pull it. Just double checking. I mean, it's two actions which really leads you to believe it's got verbal and it does. And the word catches in his mouth and he just can't think of the word. What is the word? What is the word? And his eyes

widen. And it fails. I mean, that leaves him an action. An action. Arcane aphasia. Oh, interesting. Arcane aphasia. So concerned.

He's like, oh, that was weird. I love that. What is happening? He's going to raise and cast his magical shield, which is only verbal. Oh. And he fails by one. Oh, wow.

So twice in a row the whole round, his brain just, like, stops working. Oh, no. Two lost spells. An entire round. Shot. Torchwood Tunes. Words fail.

Words fail. This was foreshadowing all along that nut in the asylum was talking about you in this moment. Totally. Words fail! Uh, okay. What is the word? What is the word?

Alright, I... I'm gonna throw Alchemist Spark at the Grey Gardener. The Grey Gardener. It's a miss. Splashy. Oh, she takes two points of splash damage.

Splashy, splashy. Another one. Another two points of splash damage. I'll tell you what, those count right now. Yeah. And I'm gonna move. I'm just gonna move.

Get a little better position for next round. I know. Come on! No! No! This is what happens. This is why you can't go three and a half hours in a session. You roll in the dice on people's internet.

I didn't even know right now that it was late. I was just having so much fun. All right, well, he went two actions. Let's assume it's a move. We can always check back in with him, and it'll go to Eris. Okay. When I cast that dissecting thing before, I made a mistake. I forgot something.

It's my first rodeo. I was trying to find a vital organ in that side baddie, and I was supposed to roll a recall knowledge, and I'm wondering if I can roll that now, please. Sure, but does that cost an action for you? Because recall knowledge, it does cost an action. I mean, the spell was two actions from last round. Right, I'm just wondering if the spell allows you,

like, what am I trying to say? If the spell gives you that recall knowledge for free, because normally we call it knowledge. It doesn't say that, so maybe it's good that I forgot. But let's just start with the fun stuff, actually. Yeah. Impending doom round three. On round three, you become paralyzed.

Oh! Taste of your own medicine, Troy. Am I the end of the third round? You are the end of the third round. Oh. Okay. We're gonna roll some damage. We're gonna roll some damage. We're gonna roll some damage. What is the damage for?

It's 66 damage. And you take double because you critically failed. Oh my God. So this spell just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. Each round it passes. What's it called again? Impending Doom. Impending Doom. You've said that a hundred times. It's aptly named.

I mean, it really, it's a good spell. You're picturing that, like, you're dying. I have 3d6, so I'll roll this twice and then double it. Ooh, that's 11. At the end of the spell's duration, if the target was affected, the target witnesses its death and takes 66

mental damage. You take 44 points of damage. And she dies! Oh my god! She sees herself dying right before she dies. And she dies. Oh. How does she die?

She sees herself dying. And it's just the doom grows so close. Maybe like she just gets so terrified that like her hair turns like white and she just like is mortified to death. We watch this woman die. No one's touching her. Nothing's happening visually. And she just dies. Also, she's wearing a mask. We can't even see her facial expression. Horrifying. It's like this is and she just dies. Also, she's wearing a mask,

so we can't even see her facial expression. Horrifying. It's like the Grudge show. Yeah, look at Joe! Look at Joe! This is a character that is built to bounce back against failing will saves. Fail a will save,

take 15 points of mental damage, and turn into a success, unless you critically fail, and I critically failed on possibly the worst spell that I could. So she sees the moment of her death and then dies from that. Oh, that is so absolutely juicy.

Incredible. I mean, Kate, you brought the witch. Yeah. That was, that was as witchy as it gets. This is hard,

but it's, I'm that witch. This is hard, but it's like I'm that witch. This is hard, but it's fun when it goes right. Yeah. So for my turn, I do want to roll that recall knowledge, and I'm wondering if this last person is a wilderness creature. He is not. He is a human man.

So then I have to roll a medicine check. Well, yeah. Where's my medicine? Natural one. That's a nine. You think he is an animal now. I don't see any vital organs. That human man looks like a beaver.

Hey, beaver. I don't see any vital organs within this man. Get over here, you stubborn man. So, I guess I'll cast I was gonna cast telekinetic projectile regardless so I'll just continue

with that like so I'm really really sharp going to stick on the ground I don't know and chuck it at him Okay that one probably has the attack spell attack so that's a 20 total Okay, that one probably has the attack Yes Spell attack So that's a 20 total 20 total misses this poor sap

Well, I can't win them all You can't That's my turn That's your turn This guy is completely outmatched So I'd like to introduce you to a new part of the show That's called Cinematic

Describe Your Kill. Everyone in initiative order, describe how you take this guy out, starting with Suki. Suki ends her wild shape, and her white dress flutters back over her body in a second, just gone from dinosaur form, and she

slaps him what did you just do and then it goes to Ethel Ethel observes the slap and is like alright and then steps up and just double slices double slices reaction gasel gasps. Double slices.

Reaction gasp. Reaction gasp. Reaction gasp. And step up, double slice. He's starting to go down. Atticus, what do you do? Atticus tries to remember the word. He knows he has the spell memorized.

He's twitching. What is the word? What is the word? What is the word? And it comes to him in a flash. And he spits out the word for telekinetic projectile. And pull, rips that door off of his hinges. And just smashes into the side of the dude. This guy.

And there's a whole bunch of nails sticking out of the side of him. The guy goes to Aldo. Aldo pulls out another vial of alchemist fire, runs up to the guy, shoves the vial into one of the wounds that Ethel made that's inside of him, and then he kicks him in the stomach so it explodes inside him.

And then it goes to Eris as the guy's falling to the ground. So she is him in the stomach so it explodes inside him. Oh, God! And then it goes to Eris as the guy's falling to the ground. So she, like, is waiting in the back, and she sees Suki smack him, and she sees Ethel, like, slice and dice. She sees a door come out of nowhere and whack him. And that second, like, he falls to his knees and falls falls down she waits for him to die. She goes up and she starts taking some parts.

Put him in her cloak. And she begins taking parts. And he dies. She takes the parts and puts them into her satchel and Emilio Daldamein, Senator Daldamein looks up and says, thank you!

Thank you! Oh, thank you! You've saved my life! I promise I will give you everything I have, but I have something I can give you right now! And he reaches into one of his chests and he says, here! And you all level up. Yay! We'll see you next week!

We'll see you in two weeks! Two weeks! Goodnight everybody! Goodnight everybody! we'll see you in two weeks two weeks goodnight everybody goodnight everybody God knows no more And for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else, subscribe today at patreon.com slash glass cannon.