The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 63 – Wamp! (There It Is)

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

A battle on two fronts rages as the heroes find themselves surrounded! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/JmoGQD989nc For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers Drug Mart today. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the Matthew Capitacasa Hour. As always, I'm your host, Troy LaVallee. Ha ha ha! What did you lie? The audience goes wild. It'd be weird that it's called the Matthew Capitacasa Hour and I'm the host and who's everybody

else? What are you all doing here? What is this show about? And I'm only on like 40% of the episodes. It's not even on the show anymore. Let's just change the name. Eventually it will become Matthew Capitacasa

presents The Hour. The Hour. And I'm your host, Troy LaValle. Once again, Matthew couldn't be with us this evening. It's like Joan Rivers doing The Tonight Show. You have to read the copy of like, I'm subbing in for, yeah, sitting in for Matthew Capricasa. I'm your host for the Valley. Speaking of sitting in, welcome back Sidney Emanuel to the show.

Yes! Thank you! Sidney was in Italy for two weeks and I, for one, can't wait to hear all about it some other time. You guys heard about these aliens that we have flying over the skies? Yeah. These aliens. We're here. They made it.

What's up with that? Sorry. What's up with that? What's up with that? Aliens have land. Well, not really. We just keep shooting them out of the sky. No one seems that interested, though.

They keep telling us. They're like, shot down another one. Everyone's like, okay. It was an octagonal aircraft is what they keep calling it. And then someone was like, is it a balloon? They're like, well, balloon would be the wrong word. Object is really, we're using

it on purpose. It's a metal cylinder that one would call a balloon. Not us. Not us, but one would. Have you ever seen the movie The Day the Earth Stood Still? No. Love that movie. The original.

The original, yeah. The alien comes out and says, like, I come in peace, and they just fucking kill him, and it starts a world war. Yeah, they shoot him. He comes out. He has a little translator device.

Everyone assumes it's a gun, and they shoot him. They shoot him. Yeah. That would never happen in this country. What does he say? This is like trapped in my subconscious. I feel like he says Klaatu Barada Nikto.

Klaatu Barada Nikto. And people are like, get him! And then they translate it and it was something like I come in peace. Well, no. Klaatu Barada Nikto was the code phrase that he told them to speak to Gort, the giant robot that would let them pass.

Ah, okay. He had to memorize it in order to repeat it. That's a great movie. It's pretty fucked up if you think about it, though. If this is some sort of first contact, and we're just like, boom!

That's not good. That's so us. that's so us that's my friend texted he goes well if aliens are trying to invade the upper peninsula of michigan i so far like our chances yeah we're winning i think we should be proud that we're we're we have such a doing such a great showing so far in this conflict. Somebody was up in the ante, though, and they were like, think about it. If there's another life form and they have the technology to make it all the way to our planet, they're not getting shot out of the sky. So they're like, this is on purpose. If there is aliens, they're doing this on purpose. And it's probably, like you said, Joy, to check if we're cool. They're doing this on purpose and it's probably like

you said Joy to check if we're cool they're doing a vibe check and we fail we're not cool destroy the planet also while this is happening we had like the biggest nuttiest spectacle of sports and entertainment there ever was and they're just like

let's not go there maybe they just couldn't get tickets either they saw Rihanna and they were like well we don't need to come here And they're just like, let's not go there. Maybe they just couldn't get tickets. Let's just keep going. Pass. Either that or they saw Rihanna and they were like, well, we don't need to come here. They've got entertainment covered. What I don't understand is like, why can't they just, like after they blow it up, don't they, aren't the pieces on the ground? Oh, yeah.

Dude, they know everything. So they know everything and they're just saying nothing. Yeah, because how do they say, this just in? The bodies of several tiny green men and all of their technology we've never seen have been found on the shores of Lake Michigan. Because we'd be like, ah! Didn't the government, like, not even, like two years ago, they very much came forward and they were like, yes, there are aliens. There are, like, unidentified flying crafts and we have no idea what they are. And the public was just like, we knew it. It was during the pandemic and everyone was just, like, burnt out and they didn't care.

No one cared. It was like, it's just too much, really. Don't care anymore. But, yeah, I have three words for you, and that is Roswell, New Mexico. Oh. That's all I'm going to say. Wow. Wow.

The Matthew Capricasa hour is taking a turn. I don't mean to get political, but Roswell, New Mexico. I have three words for you. It's connected to New York. It's a good movie. That was seven words. That was a run-on sentence. That is a good movie, though.

Is it a movie about Schenectady? No. Schenectady. Yeah, it's called Schenectady, New York. The weird movie. Philip Seymour Hoffman, right? Yeah. Great in it.

Is it the first movie Charlie Kaufman directed of his own as it was like after eternal sunshine and it was total like indie film not a lot of people saw it but it was great it's great anyways i just saw i just saw downsizing the movie downsizing uh the other day was matt damon's in it where it's just like they have the answer to sort of like population boom and climate change is to shrink people down to like three inches tall or something. And it was not supposed to be very good. It's like I didn't watch it, but I did finally watch the other day. It's a pretty good movie. Really?

Is it funny? Is it supposed to be funny? Yeah, it is funny. It's the guy who directed election and sideways Alexander Payne yeah Alexander Payne um yeah it's way better than I thought it would be and the woman

who is in the menu she plays like the lead server yeah she's in it and she's amazing Oscar nominee yep uh yeah really a fun movie I enjoyed it based on true a true story, too. Mm-hmm. Yep.

They jumped on that IP real fast. Yeah. Joe, you've been suspiciously silent. Are you housing an alien in your house? Because that's illegal. Frankly, un-American. Yep. I didn't want to say it.

You have a constitutional right to not have them in your house. I just have not seen any of these movies. That's why I'm quiet. I'm not familiar with any of them. Do you think there's intelligent life in New Jersey? No, outside of the world? Earth? Planet Earth?

Well, absolutely. 100%. Are they coming here? No. To take your cheese, absolutely. 100%. Are they coming here? No. To take your cheese supplies? No, they are not coming here. But maybe we should just offer them that. To take your cheese supplies.

Are you aware that that's the real horror story? Premium cheese products are available in New Jersey? I'm glad I pay my taxes so our military can shoot down these cheese stealers before they reach my house in New Jersey. As far as we know, it's the only planet in the universe that has any cheese at all. It's only natural that they'd come here to get it. They'd gravitate toward this planet eventually. I mean, my classics professor in college said that cheese is a sign of civilization. It is.

Well, it is hard to find sharp provolone outside of Philly. So maybe that's is a sign of civilization. It is. Well, it is hard to find sharp provolone outside of Philly. So maybe that's what this was all about. It cut them off on their way to Philly. It's bad no matter what. If it's a foreign country that has some sort of technology that we don't know that's coming and looking at us, this is like the precursor to World War III. If it's an alien that can has mastered interstellar interstellar travel and we're just shooting them out of the sky well that's bad too it's all bad

can we agree unless it's some nerd who created a drone which is like and that's what i'm hoping for i'm hoping for some weirdo loner nerd um that created a all these weird drones. Could be. No, they're like the size of multiple school buses and they fly higher than planes. So what do you think, Kate? China or aliens? You're on record. It's definitely not aliens.

I don't think it's aliens. Wow, firm stance. I think it's just other countries seeing what we're doing right now. I don't know, man. I Wow. Firm stance. Wow. I think it's just other countries seeing what we're doing right now. I don't know, man. I do like that China, when we were like, all these weird stuff, China's like, yeah, we shot down one, too. And everyone's like, shut up.

Shut up, China. No, you didn't. Oh, China. All I can think of is that Prisoner-inspired Simpsons episode where Homer is escaping and there's like this giant white orb is following them and then they build a raft out of plastic forks and someone just stabs it and it pops and it

cuts the control room and it's like, why did you think a balloon would stop them? Shut up. That's why. That balloon is terrifying in the original series because it's so, it seems so silly. But when it comes after you, and then you'll see their face, like, press against the balloon, and that's it.

It's game over. Yeah, it is. It's awesome. It's a great show. It is a horrifying monster in the show. I love that show. Yeah. I bet you the smoke monster was kind of based on that thing.

100%. 100%. Absolutely. It's a great show too, because no one knows the correct order in which to watch the episodes. There's no, like there's a lot of different thoughts on what the order of the episodes is supposed to be.

It's just really a fascinating show we've talked about before. But speaking of fascinating shows, let's talk about this one because frankly, it's been fascinating as of late. Last time you scallywags decided to take a trip into the dream lands. Perhaps

the last trip you will take there. Well, no, you've got to go back to the Caravanserai, but the last one to who knows where in search of the final gift to give to the mad poet so that you can meet this guy and find out, why did Laos come and talk to you? What's going on?

Who are you? What's your name? And so you take this trip and you get there and all of you are doing the ritual. Suki, nowhere to be found. You're like, you know what? She's probably dead. It's time to move on.

So you start walking through this strange alien city. It looks like it was once a great city. Architecture beautiful but crumbling. A dead city. A dead city reminiscent of the city that you saw in your dreams in episode one back in L.A. so many years ago. Here's my question on that. Yeah. What does a great... Like, when we see it as a great city, does that mean it has similar architecture

and technology to, like, the great cities of Galarian? Or is it, like, unknowably futuristically weird? No. Is it like New York City skyscrapers? Like what is this great city? I don't think our characters wouldn't have any frame of reference for that. So it would just be like, it's strange.

Well, no, that's what I'm asking. Is it different at all? When you were at the Viscounts Gala and you looked outside it was nothing but opulence as far as the eye can see, but the buildings were weird and there was nothing similar to that that you'd see on Galarian. Here, even though it's in ruins, you can kind of imagine Absalom if you've spent any time there. It has that sort of feel like, wow, this must have once been a great metropolis, and now it's just in ruins.

And you see these little creatures peeking at you from out the windows, and they come at you you and it's a bunch of ghasts, which are like super ghouls. And they explain that something happened that wiped out civilization here. And one of two things happened. You were either, if you were a living thing, a tree, a plant, a dog, a person, you were turned into like this yellow ceramic and frozen in time, or you were turned into a ghast. And so the ones that survived are these ghasts. And if you know about ghasts, which you started thinking, like, what do we know about ghasts? You know that they subside on dead flesh. So they've been doing fine. They've been just going in the cemeteries,

digging up their loved ones and eating them because the ones that were dead before whatever this plague was, they didn't turn. So it was still fresh, tender flesh for them to eat. And everything was fine until these creatures moved in. These creatures that you realize are whomps. And why do you know about whomps? Because you're here to find the foot of a WOMP, this red-toed foot. And so you're like, you know what? We'll take care of it. You were warned in your reading, stay away from necropolises, because that's where the WOMPs like to eat. They have the same taste as the ghasts do, but you're here on a mission. So you start walking in the direction of the nearest cemetery. And as you do, there's all these like people frozen in time. Well, as you get close, something happens where several of them come to

life and they're just like these constructs coming at you, shields and swords and bows. And so a fight ensues. And you guys are doing significant damage to them, and they just won't go down. They have a lot of hit points. And really, you only have one person in the party that can do consistent mega damage. Well, that person then says, this is an unwinnable fight.

We need to just go into there and get those whomps. So Ethel runs into the cemetery. Who could that person be? That was Ethel Merman. And Ethel runs into the cemetery where he comes upon six of these whomps. Half a dozen whomps that are feasting. And here you coming and they just look up at you. They look like these little furry pig fluffy things.

They're horrible looking. So now you've got these ceramic guardians behind you and these whomps in front of you. If all of you die except one of you and you get the foot, that is a huge success because you camped out in the campground of the Stardust Augers. They cured your madnesses. So if you die, you think, hey, maybe they've got another one in them. They can cure you again. So no harm, no foul. But if you get wiped out by these

enemies and you don't come back with the foot, you're going to visit the Mad Poet with only five gifts instead of six out of a possible seven. There was a light of hope though though, at the end of the episode, because as Ethel was surrounded on all sides by two different kinds of enemies, Suki came running in.

She's not dead. She was in Italy. The dreamland known in Italy. The dreamland known as Italy. Galerion's greatest explorer. And so, I'm gonna take you back to... Can you imagine? She's like, I come bearing great tidings

of great joy. And those are pasta and cheese. Cheese? Cheese? Cheese? That's a delicacy. Let's go back to, you know, imagine we were opening this week on the boat,

back on the boat, and you're conducting this ritual. The staircase is being handed to Aldo, and it grows in Aldo's hands as you complete the ritual, and Aldo lets the staircase drop to the floor, and one by one, you begin descending, as you've done now several times, some of you more than others.

Suki, you, just as the others do, walk down. You're not even the last one to walk down. There's still Atticus behind you and Ethel, but you go down, and the stairs begin to shorten. They're not as wide as they were when you first start going down, and then they keep getting thinner and thinner and thinner, and the wood starts becoming gnarled until you find yourself in a tree, it appears.

You look behind you, and there are no longer any steps. Maybe a part of the branch that you're standing on has a sort of beveled look to it, but the stairs are gone, and you don't see any of your companions.

You're up in this tree, maybe, I don't know, 50, 60 feet in the air, and it's a beautiful day. It's actually not a ton of trees in the area. This is certainly the biggest one. And there doesn't seem to be anyone around until you look down.

And you see, at first it almost looks like a pile of something laying on the ground pretty much directly under you. But then as your eyes take it in, you realize that it's the broken body

of a child. Sure. And suddenly you know where you are. What do you do? Uh, Suki has, like, had this dream so many times. And it always starts off the same way. It's like a beautiful day.

Nothing's wrong. She doesn't really know where she is. And then she looks down. And it's the same thing. She sees this tiny little elven girl. And Suki starts hyperventilating. And like in a dream, like the distance gets all like messed up.

Like she wants to get down from the tree, but all of a sudden it's like way higher than it was. And she doesn't know how to get down from the tree but all the sudden it's like way higher than it was and she doesn't know how to get down uh and she starts like losing her grip on the tree um and she's trying to get down but she she doesn't want to get down um and she starts crying like a like a kid like a baby um and you hear if anyone is there you know in this dream with her or anything you just hear her crying and calling out um and she says Cillia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Cillia, please. Why are you doing this to me? And she's just like, maybe she falls from the tree.

Maybe she is able to get down. And it is Cillia, but it's not. It's like worse than she remembers. It's like more grotesque. And she doesn't want to be near the body at all. Like she just tries to get away from it. This is a nightmare for her. And she hasn't had it in a very long time.

And like nightmares, the further you try to go away from it, the more it's on your heels. And so you get down there, maybe the bow of the tree is like bending towards it, warping towards the body, like pulling you in like a vortex, and you're just trying to avoid it, maybe like running, crouching tiger, hidden dragon style, up the tree branch, away from it. But you're pulled.

You're pulled to the ground. And then you're on the ground and you're just running away from it. And you don't want to look back, but you hear footsteps running towards you. And then a voice that says, Why? You were supposed to protect me that's so messed up yeah she's crying

like if they were on the shore right now with the healers and everything Suki is like twitching you know like when you're having a nightmare like trying to scream trying to yeah eyes rolling back in the head, sweating, trying to wake up, running in her sleep. And she's just saying,

I'm sorry! It was an accident! It was an accident! Please! And just trying to get out of this nightmare. Even wants to wake up. Forget the mission. This is the worst thing ever. Why?

And then the why starts to sound like it's underwater. And you're like, you're distorted by that sound as well. And then you realize, like, you're underwater. And someone's, like, pushing down on your head. And you look up and the sunlight is showing the face of Nyrel Twiceborn. Like, drowning you in the water. up and the sunlight is showing the face of Nyril Twiceborn, like drowning you in the water and shouting some paeans

to the sky. And you still hear that and just as the lights go out, you wake up on the ground of this alien city.

Next to you is a small flower laying on the ground, just sprouting, and it's completely made out of yellow ceramic. Ugh. Um, Suki immediately, like, gets up, freaked out, doesn't know if she's in the dreamlands or not in the dreamlands, if she woke up or not, um,

and starts just looking around, trying to figure out if she's dreaming or where anybody is. You get up, and you get up so hastily that the flower breaks. This tiny little flower breaks right at the stem. And you just stare at it for a moment. And then you hear sounds of a battle

to the east. And you look in the distance and you see several different people locked in combat. Yeah, she looks at the broken flower and looks at everyone knowing that that's probably where they are hearing them scream and yell

and she almost wants to pick the flower up. She's in this weird head... She wants to save this, pick the flower up. She's in this weird head. She wants to, like, save this flower. But she doesn't. She can't. She has to leave it. And, yeah, she starts running towards the noises, and she looks so disheveled, just actually, like, sweating, really actually sweating in this world that she's in and probably back on shore as well just takes off and we just close in on that lone broken flower and then we come back to ethel seeing these

whomps all pick up their beady little heads sensing your presence. And it is Atticus's turn. Oh no. I didn't know that was gonna happen. Oh no. Ethel! Ethel! Ethel no!

Ethel no! It's the first action shouting Ethel. Second action. Ethel, no! Ethel, no! It's the first action shouting Ethel. Second action, Ethel, no. No. Yeah, Ethel, Ethel, no. It's a very unique situation. Like, I said at the end of last week, this is an unwinnable fight. I don't know, maybe it's winnable, but you don't have to win it.

Yeah, as a stand-up fight, it is unwinnable. I basically, it is Atticus alone now, since Ethel took off into the cemetery, as essentially the front-line tank against three monstrous constructs that can take a shit-ton of damage and not go down. So, first action, he is going to step back, So first action, he is going to step back. And then he is going to use his focus power for invisibility cloak and vanish out of sight. Oh, great. He's left us one by one.

We are being betrayed by our comrades. Yeah, I have been going over this and over this and over this, and I just, there's, that is the best option right now. So you take a step back, and then is activating that cloak two actions? Yeah, it is like casting invisibility, basically. Okay. It is Ceramic Guardian 1's turn. this is the one actually that you just moved from

so he doesn't see you and just moves towards Eris I assume you don't strike out at it I can't oh okay

so then it takes a swing I can't. Oh, okay. Both of us can't. So then it takes a swing at Eris with its longsword. That's a 31 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Oh dear. Okay. 16 points of slashing damage. Okay. 16 points of slashing

damage. Okay. And then he raises his shield. Actually, you know what? I think... I'm sorry. He doesn't raise his shield because Matthew shattered his shield. So he will just take another swing. And a natural two.

No, that's a miss. Now, it is the top of a new round, and we're adding six more combatants into the fight. Great. But first, it is Ceramic Guardian, for his turn. And he's the one uh that is standing uh closest to ethel so he sees ethel run and of course he gives chase to ethel sliding right next to the

poppet what was the poppet's name again egg egg how about mary poppet? All right, so slides right next to Egg and steps on Egg. No, will swing a longsword at Ethel. That is a 29 to hit. That hits. Remember, these guys have, especially on their first attack, it always comes in hot. All right, that's going to be 15 points of slashing damage. And then swings again with a 19. That misses.

Oh, and that means his shield is down. Poop. The shield is down! Shield is down! You may start your landing. Direct all fire on that superstar destroyer! Okay, and now it is Womp3's turn.

Five, ten... He just walks right up to Ethel. What? Hey. Listen, funny story, but I need your foot. How would you describe... There's a spider look to them, but also a pig snout.

And all of their feet look like chicken feet. Not chicken feet, but like they're webbed. Or frog. Like what are those? Yeah. Kind of cute. Are they? Yeah.

It is kind of cute. It's like they're wearing little shoes. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see eyes on this particular image. Yeah, you do not see eyes. They don't need them. Where we're going, we don't need eyes. We're going, we don't need eyes. We need eyes.

All right, so he slides up to you, and then with his remaining two actions, he's going to do something known as claw flurry, which is three strikes with his remaining two actions, he's going to do something known as claw flurry, which is three strikes with his claw, and the multiple attack penalty doesn't apply. Oh, my God. So until after these strikes. All right, so the first one is a 20. Miss. Miss, right?

And then a 21. Miss. Wow. And then a 30. 30 hits. Okay. I can a 30. 30 hits. Okay. I can't believe they don't have a multiple attack penalty. I know.

This cloffler, it takes two actions, and the multiple attack penalty doesn't increase until after the three strikes. So it's going to be 13 points of slashing damage. Ouch. Help. All right. Help. Hey. Help.

Hey, guys. I might have made a mistake here. It is Eris's turn. I don't know. This could be a very short episode. Yes. I just hate how I always forget how to play my character. You don't hit me with slash and damage often,

but I don't think it... I'd imagine these statues have pretty high fortitude, so I don't think I missed a lot. Because, you know, when you slash me, I've got the gaping flesh ancestry feet, so it's like, like yawns open. Oh, gross. Everything's gross about you.

Thanks so much. It yawns. Oh. Thanks so much. Y'all. Oh. Oh. Now, remember, it's been a little bit. These guys are weak to bludgeoning.

Yeah. So somebody was doing a lot of bludgeoning damage, and you get that extra. Yeah, that was Ethel. A damn zoning. Did Skin have a bomb, though, that did bludgeoning damage, I feel like? Maybe I'm misremembering, but something to keep in mind if you have bludgeoning. You do know that. Oh, wait.

No, Eris and I were both trying to, well, I was trying to telekinetic projectile, and Eris was trying to chicken poon a stone. Tale as old as time. Well, I've got one other thing on my person that does bludgeoning damage, and believe it or not, it's my hair. Oh, excellent. All right. Ship, ship, ship, ship, ship.

Who said unwinnable? Before I do that, I'm going to cast Mirror Image on myself. Two actions. So there's three of me. That provokes. It does. And they have AOOs. You have seen that they do have AOOs.

So if you don't step first, and you could step off the map. Anything with a verbal component will provoke? No, if it's just verbal. If it's only verbal, you're fine. Well, in that case, I'm going to cast Shield on myself as a little bit. Take a five-foot step back, even though there's no space on the map. You fall off the cliff into oblivion. Fall out into oblivion.

So is Shield just verbal? Yeah, it's verbal, and I get plus one circumstance to AC, and it's got a hardness till my next turn. Great. Hopefully that'll help. Five a step back and then instantly my hair just like whips out and just whap, whap, whap, whap.

Bludgeoning damage. Hold on. Whap, whap, whap, whap. 1d4. Whap, whap, whap. Do you have to attack? I'm assuming there's an attack roll. Probably your spell attack.

Oh, well, no. Is this? What is this? It's unarmed attack. Unarmed attack. Okay. Okay. And it's got reach because you have long hair.

Mm-hmm. And you don't care. I have to roll. Are you asking us? Yeah. Yes. I don't hit things. I'm a witch. I don't know how to play this game. This is asking us? Yeah. Yes. I don't hit things. I'm a witch.

I don't know how to play this game. This is why it's a bad plan. I think you can do it. Says Suki as she rolls up. Why don't you just roll a d20 first and say what number is on the d20? I did. And it's a six. Unarmed attack can be impossible to find on some character sheets if you're a caster.

I was checking, because I know I cast guidance last episode, so I was checking what that is. It's a nine. Oh, on the dice. On the dice. Oh. Well, then we have to get the number. Please don't. All right, so the hair just limply falls a couple feet in front of you

and you'll you question your choice of shampoo damn it uh so yeah it could be a hit that could be a hit no i probably not these things were in the 22 23 range minimum right weren't they yeah thought mid-20s yeah Yeah. Mid-20s. A nine on the die, I would imagine a witch's unarmed is not going to be high enough. It's possible. It could be, but... It could be. I think it's a classic tweet. It is a classic tweet.

Well, nine usually is. I'm trained in unarmed attacks. Okay. Okay. So you're getting that proficiency bone. What does that mean? Where would it be? Would it be in the spell?

Would it be in the spell? I have a different, like, sheet than all of you guys. Oh, gotcha. Do you have any weapons on you? Yeah, I've got a kukri. Oh, what's your bonus

on the kukri? Hit plus three. That can't be right either. We've got to look at that sheet. Kukri is probably a plus 11 or plus 12 to hit. Well. If it says plus three, it's very wrong. Now, it probably doesn't matter for you because I don't think you've used your Kukri all that much,

but it should be much, much higher, even though you're not like a martial character. Are you trained in martial weapon? Do you have martial weapon proficiency? No. Trained in martial weapons? Kukri is a martial weapon. Untrained in martial weapons. Trained in martial weapons. Kukri is a martial weapon. Untrained in martial weapons. Trained in simple weapons.

On Hero Lab, I just have my fist automatically listed as a weapon. Do you have that? You don't have fist? I don't have Hero Lab. I think you earned a miss for not being prepared. Yeah.

So cold. Yeah, we're going to look into this. Path Builder 2E is really great, not being prepared. Yeah. So cold. Yeah. Like Pathfinder 2E is really great, but then also whenever I try to like play with it, I'm like, I don't know where anything is.

I don't know why. I think I know where it is and then I play with it. Just kidding. You know, I forgot to do, Suki, roll initiative.

I'm going to roll you into initiative here. Roll super high. Super high. Perception, right? Yes. Because I'd be running up looking. Roll running.

Give me a running check. 25 for Anish. 25 Anish. Great. I did not skip your turn. Oh, I have a plus 13 to hit. Plus 13 to hit? Yeah. That sounds reasonable. That's a natural

nine. That sounds better. It's 22. It is still a miss. Shit. Does he have his shield? Yeah, he does. Actually, that guy doesn't have his shield, but... Yeah, no, that's a miss.

The shield is even higher. I'm sorry. It was the right idea, because if you rolled... You weren't that, that's a miss. The shield is even higher. I'm sorry. It was the right idea, because if you rolled, you weren't that far off with a nine. Matthew wasn't that far off when he said tweener. Sorry, but did you add your guidance? It would have just been a plus one. Right, so 23. If I choose to add it, so it would be 23. 23, yes, you just missed.

Still a miss, okay. All right, let's get over to my whomps. so it would be 23. 23, yes. You just missed. Still missed, okay. All right, let's get over to my whomps right after a quick little break here. There are too many whomps. And that break wasn't long enough. Troy, I just want to say, I think I speak for all of us and the listeners. If you want to remove a whopper or two from the combat, no one would hold it against you.

No one would make less of you. If it tripped and fell into an open grave and broke all six of its legs and it was like, ah, that one's dead. Just to make your life easier. That's all we're really concerned about. Troy, we're just thinking of you. I wouldn't tell anyone. I's all we're really concerned about. Troy, we're just thinking of you. I appreciate it. And I wouldn't tell anyone.

I wouldn't tell any of the listeners. You could just cut this out and just make one die. You guys are so cool. It has to move twice to get up to Ethel. And so then it only has one attack, which will be its jaws. 34 to hit. Oh my god. Are you kidding me? Gods and goddesses.

That was a natty 19. Okay. Oh, okay. Yes, that hits. Not a crit, right? No, not a crit. All right. A couple things are going to happen, though, unfortunately.

First, you're going to take 18 points of piercing damage. I mean, you have to be close. though, unfortunately. First you're going to take 18 points of piercing damage. You have to be close. And then you have to roll a fortitude save. Okay. Because eating dead people leaves your mouth pretty diseased. You don't hear that enough. If you eat

dead flesh... Oh, this is corpse rot! Oh, yeah. Oh, no, Matthew. You didn't. Hero point. He's probably got a plus 50 to... I could use a hero point because it was a natural one, but I... Am I going to need that hero point later to make an attack hit?

Because we only really have one shot at this. That is a good point. Because if it's disease, you know, I'm going to wake up soon. That's a good point If it's disease, you know I'm gonna wake up soon It's a good point, Matthew I'm not using the hero point Lay it on me, critical failure

Critical failure will put you right to stage two Of Grave Rot Oh no You are sickened to Sickened to. Sickened to. Great. Which will directly impact your attacks. My ability to hit.

God damn it. I mean, so gross. This thing just chowing on corpses, and its rotten mouth just... Right on your flesh, and now it's in you. It's in you. right on your flesh. And now it's in you. It's in you. You know you're going to die.

That feeling, even though you know it's a dream, has to be terrifying. Oh, it doesn't feel like a dream when it's in me and the jaw, the mandible has closed on my arm. Oh, God. This is worse than any dream ever because it feels, for all intents and purposes, it's real. It feels real. it feels, for all intents and purposes, it's real. It feels real. Aldo, can you save this group from certain demise?

No. No. So I'm facing off against one of these porcelain things. So does it have acid on it? It has fire. It had acid, and the acid it was able to get rid of, but it still has the persistent fire. Okay.

Then I am going, Aldo is going to throw an acid flask at its feet. I fudge. That is going to be 22 to hit. 22 misses. Let me ask you this. Do you need to take a step to not provoke, or do you not provoke with your... Do you have an ability that... Oh, I think I do provoke,

so I'm never worried about it because we never run anything with... Attack severity, right? But yeah, I'll take a step back, throw it, and miss, but that will give it four points of acid splash damage. Okay. Oh, boy. And I'll just throw another one and miss again.

Four more points of acid damage. Okay, and then I roll a flat check. DC 15. Made it with a 16. But do I still take the damage one more time? No. That should be it. That's it. Okay. Alright. You roll the flat check at the end of your turn.

The end of my turn. Alright, so you take the damage. That's right. At the start and the end of your turn, then you roll the flat check. I don't know why I did that. Alright, so give me that persistent fire. Persed fire. First fire. You take that damage on your turn.

I'm sorry, yeah, okay. Let's just keep going. Yeah, sorry. Too many creatures. All right. God, ceramic. I got to do two ceramic guardians and two whomps in a row before Suki's turn. All right, so ceramicamic Guardian 2 here is...

Good lord, this is bad. How far can he move? All right. Are they friends? Are the Womps and Ceramic Guardians friends? Excellent. Or should they start attacking each other? Come on.

It's possible. Let me get back to you. Surrounded as I am with two Womps and one Ceramic Guardian, can I fan the flames of their rivalry? Yeah, what do you say? He was talking shit on your mom. He was talking shit about your mom and your sister. He said her feet were blue.

This guy rolls up on Eris and swings for a 21 to hit. Miss. That's a miss. It's a miss, and then he's going to raise his shield. And then Ceramic Guardian number three is the one that is on fire. He is going to... Oh, you know what he's going to do? He's going to slide up to Suki.

Hey, where'd you come from? Immediately take her out of the combat. Immediately take her out. Great. That is a 27 to hit Suki. Yeah. 27 to hit Suki. Yeah. 27 to hit Suki. Oh no.

Oh no. 20 points of slashing damage. Okay. And then a second attack. No, then he'll raise a shield. So he moved, attack, raise shield. Now I'll re-roll the flat check because it was my fault for doing it wrong. First he takes the persistent. Well, I failed

the flat check, so give me the persistent. You take the persistent anyway. Then you roll the flat check. Okay, let's go to Womp. Let's see what's behind Womp number one! Alright, this guy's very far away. This is the northernmost

Womp. Womp of the north! The Womp of the north! The womp of the north! Alright. All the other womps kneel. Hey, wait. There's an extra womp on the board. You gotta take that off. There's only two.

What? There's three womps on the board. There's six womps on the board. Yeah, there's six. You gotta take that off. Hey! Too many. Take that off. Get those womps out of here.

I didn't ask for that. Too many enemies. Too many womps. Too many womps. This one will come up and also try to take a bite. Natural 20. Oh! Well, here's the good news.

The second stage of Grave Rot lasts for eight weeks. So it can't get any worse. Well, it can put me down with the damage. Yes, the damage may put you down. And then we won't get the foot. You have a hero point. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter at this point. I need more D8s. Oh, there's an 8 on one of them. And a 6 of 4. Oh, my God. All right, so this is it. It's 40 points of damage. Man.

I'm not kidding you. When I tell you that I had 39 hit points. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, man. So do we just see you, like, run into here and then just immediately get cut down by these things? Six seconds later. Immediately, in six seconds, three womps pounce on me, bite me, whack me with their weird duck feet.

Whatever else there is. And I go down. All right, so Ethel crumbles pretty quickly. All I needed to do, I was hasted. All I needed to do was maybe have one great round and I could have just hugged their body and woken up. A natural 20. I mean, a regular hit you'd still be up, but then the double damage is just...

It's just horrible. I could have healed myself. All kinds of things. Well, you know what? Somebody could still raise you. They know your significance to the fight. They could try and wake you up, but it's just such a bad situation. You want those whomps to scatter. And then I can pick up my weapons and stand up and provoke and then die again. No, no, no. They'll wake you up, but it's just such a bad situation. You want those whomps to scatter. And then I can pick up my weapons and stand up and provoke

and then die again. No, no, no. They'll wake you up and it'll be 45 minutes before you can even sit up or grab a weapon and five creatures around you will attack you again before you get to go again. Horrible situation. Horrible.

Where's that whomp going? Where are you doing with that whomp? The southernmost womp, the Florida womp, he took three move actions and now he's pretty much right where about 15 feet away from Atticus. But the good news is it's

Suki's turn and you have an undefeatable guardian in front of you. The bad news is I forgot I also have a plus two to my initiative, so things could have been different, and Matthew, I'm sorry. I realized too late. It's been a while. It's been a while

since I've looked at my character sheet. I apologize. They don't have initiative in Italy. Oh, that's a Italian job. They call us something totally different. They call us initiative. Initiative. Would you guys be impressed if I came back and just That's the Italian job. They call us something totally different. They call us Iniciativo. Iniciativo. Iniciativo.

Would you guys be impressed if I came back and just spoke fluent Italian? Would that impress you? I'm disappointed that you don't. I half expected you would. I did my best. Iniciativo. Iniciativo. Per due. The one who goes to second.

Excuse me. For two. And that's how I ask to be seated at restaurants. Iniciativo. That's amazing. Great. What are you saying you're not fluent? Use that anytime you two. And that's how I asked to be seated at restaurants. That's amazing. Great. What are you saying you're not fluent? Use that anytime you want.

And spaghetti. You can say that, too. Oh, man. Is that Sophia Loren over there? I am. Yeah, Suki just ran in. She's, like, her braid is all, like, disheveled and, like, her hair is out of place. Normally she looks a little more put together and she is profusely sweating through her white tunic. Like, her braid is all, like, disheveled and, like, her hair is out of place.

Normally she looks a little more put together and she is profusely sweating through her white tunic. But she just comes in at the exact moment that Ethel gets surrounded and goes down. And she almost instinctively, coming out of this, like, memory, dream, nightmare that she always has, throws her hand out and she is going to put up a ring of fire around Ethel that is a five-foot-thick, ten-foot radius ring, so it will perfectly hit all the enemies around Ethel except Ethel and block the entrance to the graveyard. Oh, Joe doesn't want me to do this, and Joe's like... Don't forget, you provoke.

Is that a spell? It's a spell, but anything I do right now is going to provoke. You can also take five points. You can step away and cast it, unless you need that third action for something. I need the third action. I think it interrupts the spell, or do you still get to cast the spell? You just take the damage. spell or do you still get to cast the spell? You just take the damage.

Sorry, I was working on the ring trying to perfectly put it around. I thought I would just take damage, but if that's not the case, maybe I won't do it. You'd hit egg, too. Yeah, I was going to say if it hits egg, egg immediately becomes like a mist

and comes back to me. Oh, so that's okay. Okay. I don't have to do this. I could try doing something Egg immediately becomes like a mist and comes back to me. Oh, oh, so that's okay. Oh, I thought that was a reaction, yeah. Okay. I don't have to do this. I could try doing something else. Well, let's make sure that you actually lose the spell. For some reason, that sounds right to me,

and I just was reading about it today, and I cannot... Let me try. I just cannot remember. If your strike is a critical hit, and the trigger was a manipulate action you disrupt that action so it only disrupts it if it's a crit so you want to roll the dice

as it were quite literally yeah because if I put this ring down it does hit the three whomps and the guardian correct yeah what is it? Five feet around it?

Ten foot radius. Ten foot radius. Yeah, and actually, as these womps are sort of bottlenecking through this entrance to the graveyard, they may come in and there could be a bit of a dog pile there, depending on how long this sits there. So it's a smart move, unless he crits you. I will take the risk. You just crit

and maybe you won't do it again. I want to go on record and say, I hope that I don't. Here we go. This is why we play the game. It's what Matthew Kabat-Kazak would call a tweener. It's going to be a...

32 to hit. 32 to hit. 47. This is going to be... I want to make sure I got it right. A 30 to hit. It's not a tweener. Of course that hits.

It is not a tweener. I'm a druid. But did it crit? Oh, no. Oh. Then you'll live forever. Crit tweener. You gotta... Yeah. Explain Crit tweener. You gotta...

You gotta... Crit tweener. Yeah. Explain crit tweener. A creener. A creener. A creener. 19 points of slashing damage.

I'll take it. But you get off your ring of fire, which just burns Ethel's body alive. No, Ethel's safe, right? It doesn't hit Ethel. Make that ring bigger. It doesn't hit. Make it bigger.

I can't. That's as big as it goes. Oh, well, never mind. You can always make it bigger. Sorry, that's as big as it... There it is. Perfect. Even bigger.

It's on all the creatures. I want to make sure. There's only two sizes on our virtual tabletop. How about... There, perfect. You like that? There we go. That's pretty crazy.

Egg is conveniently outside the ring at this size. I mean, it looks like it. Egg is so tiny, I bet they can squeeze. I bet they don't take up the entire space. There we go. Perfect. Alright, so do I have to roll anything? No, I'm in that radius. I just take the damage? Yep, so you I have to roll anything

Or no I'm in that radius I just take the damage Yep so you are going to take 4d6 So let me roll that Come on Max That shit And I'm at dying too because you hit me on a crit right I did

As a matter of fact I did Sorry I'm just trying to figure you hit me on a crit, right? I did. As a matter of fact, I did. Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out if there is actually a chance. Or I should just, if I wake up, just roll myself into the ring of fire. I rolled in between 15 points fire damage. 15 points of fire damage. It's not bad. It's not bad. That's good against four, well, five targets.

Yeah. One of whom is an ally against four, well, five targets. Yeah. One of whom is an ally. One of whom is an ally. How many hit points does all egg have? An ambassador, no less. She looks like she just came out of that ring of fire. No, egg, egg, Kate said that egg immediately turns to dust and reappears at her side. Great.

No, it doesn't reappear at my side, but they, I don't know what their gender is. It's a doll. Immediately turns to, sorry, I was looking something else up when you said this. They immediately turn into a femoral version of the shelf. Shape of Mist gains resistance 11 to all damage. Oh. So it's momentarily I'm gonna have to like

move it out of the range, which will use like two of my actions. Not gonna lie, I'm not too worried about Egg at the moment here, I think. I think Suki truly did not see Egg when she cast this spell. And that's also Sydney

didn't see Egg. I didn't know Egg was there. Also, you haven't been here, so you didn't know that Egg very valiantly. It would make perfect sense that Suki ran in, saw this horror, cast the fire, and never noticed the doll. Also, you'd think it maybe it's one of them. It's just like, oh, there's all

these monsters and this creepy, weird animated doll. You've never seen it move on its own before. That's very true. It's only been on your shoulder or something. Yeah. This is truly a nightmare! She casts the ring of fire on Egg.

Kill it! I really like this move from a game perspective. It's Womp No. 5's turn, right? And so this isn't an unintelligent creature. However, I think it's going to come 5's turn, right? And so this isn't an unintelligent creature. However, I think it's going to come right up next to the flame and it's going to take that damage. It just says 10 feet from the center, right?

Mm-hmm. Okay, so give me a 4d6. Okay. Ooh. Ooh. 20 points of fire damage Nice Alright so that was two actions to move up to there And then I'm going to move back Cause it's like ooh fire hot

No like fire It says in it's pig voice And then it is Ethel's turn Oh Ethel you moved in the initiative order Right before the Womp that failed me Do you remember which womp that was And then it is Ethel's turn. Oh, Ethel, you moved in the initiative order. Right before the womp that failed me. Do you remember which womp that was? I think it was womp one. It was the womp in the north.

It was the womp in the north. The womp in the north. The womp in the north. Of course, the womp in the north crit. It's a hero. It's a hero womp. It's a hero. And now he's a named character.

Yes. We really should have pulled a fan critical. He is named. He lands in title. Really shot ourselves in the foot with that one. Just because he's the 27th of his name doesn't mean he doesn't have a name. All right, so this is interesting here. Think about this.

I'm trying to play this in the way the characters play it. You've created this fire barrier around Ethel, but it's also made it, I don't know how long the Ring of Fire lasts, not my business, but these other whomps now can't get through and there's one whomp left. So there might be a way you can pull this

off were it not for the three ceramic guardians. There's a chance here. Do you see what I'm saying? It is Atticus' turn. Atticus, you are right next to one of these ceramic guardians. There is one wand. You just need one foot. And I'm going to tell you right now,

unless you have some crazy spell, it's three actions to fucking saw off the foot of a dead wamp. Off a dead wamp? If you want to do a full live wamp, it's six eggs. Pull a foot off of a live wamp. That's really long. I had a hatchet. I was just going to...

Was there any chance I could just hack at a live foot and just try to take it out? Yeah, I feel like it's... I don't know. I guess maybe it's one good action. When we get to it, I'll tell you how many actions. All right. Depends on the character. Have you not butchered a chicken, Troy?

I haven't, and I have always wanted to. That's one of the problems with TikTok. I don't spend a ton of time on there. Sometimes I'll be scrolling, and it's just animals getting butchered. And I'm like, I want to see this. I'm just kidding my algorithm. And then I finish masturbating and go about my day. You've just answered your own question.

Joe, it's your turn. You've had 45 minutes. I have to delay. I really do. If I do a point of damage... You can't make this up. I'm telling you, if I do a point

of damage, I will be dead that round and will not be able to grab the foot and get out of there invisible. You don't want to move, though? I want to delay because it gives me more freedom to move any time during the next round. If I move and then just start thinking about other things, I can't go again

until, you know. Okay, delay. Everybody is gonna have to pour their damage on this thing, but I'm telling you, like, all I can think is five out of seven ain't bad. That's what I'm thinking. It's not the worst Hanukkah ever.

It's just a little disappointing. We just do not, without Ethel, Aldo is really the damage dealer. You know, the, like, single target damage dealer. And if we can get, and that is really the damage dealer. You know, the single target damage dealer. And that one has taken no damage. So it's just tough. If everybody turns their attention to that thing, it's possible.

But without Ethel, it's a long shot. All right, so you're going to delay. You let me know if and when you want to do something. It is the Guardian right to the north of you's turn, and he's going to slide up on Aldo. First action. Second action, he is going to take a swing at Aldo. 33 to hit.

Yes, actually, that is a crit. Oh, no. That is a crit, yes. It is. Okay. 11. 38 points. Okay. 11. 38 points of slashing damage. It just...

And then, like, the shield comes up. And then it is the final Womp's turn who's going to do the same thing that other Womp did. It's going to run right up to it. Give me the 4d6 damage. Yep. 14 points of damage.

Okay, 14 points of damage. And then with its final action, it's going to also back off. It does not see a way through here at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, that's what we're going to do. I'm going to play this out. It's the top of a new round. I believe it's round four. And it is, oddly

enough, Ceramic Guardian four's turn! And this is the one that is in the Ring of Fire. Oh, so it starts its turn in the Ring of Fire. You're going to take four more. Really? Yeah.

What is this? Is this actually called Ring of Fire? It's called Wall of Fire, but I made it into a ring. Okay. That's for a better lyric. Yeah, some might say. I stood there in a wall of fire. A burning wall of fire.

18 points of fire damage. It went down, down, down. All right, 18 points of fire damage. It does not care for that. It is going to step out of the ring of fire. Does it take more damage as it's moving? Let me check the wording. Uh, any creature that crosses the wall or is occupying the wall's area at the start of its turn.

So no, I don't think it would take it twice, because it took the damage and moved out. I don't think it's like 1E, where if you're on the one side of it, you take some damage. Yeah. I would say it was in it, and now it's out of it. So, I'll do walls work. All right, so it's weird. The way this spell reads, it sounds like any creature that crosses the wall or is occupying the wall's area at the start of its turn takes 4d6 damage.

Never should have taken that first damage from my reading of it. That's my reading of it as well. But then, Joe, doesn't it seem like you could just walk through it, as long as you don't start your turn in it? Well, you always could in a Wall of Fire. You take crazy damage when you walk through the... No, any creature that crosses the wall.

So if you walk through it, you take 4d6 damage. Oh, wait, but you shouldn't have taken the damage? Not when you cast it. No, it takes the start of its turn. So when it comes back around to them, they've already taken that damage. Okay, okay, okay. So Egg

is still alive. Egg yet lives! Okay, my bad. I assumed it was... Sorry, I read that wrong. Okay. Yeah, I just noticed that line when I read it. Okay, but the Ceramic Guardian then... Doesn't take that.

He already took damage. So I'll give myself that 14 back. He's going to walk out of it. And... Jeepers, with Ethel down... Attack the womp. Ooh, the womp's right there. All right, he's going to swing at the womp.

I heard the womp started this fire. Oh, you know what? I think to swing at the womp. I heard the womp started this fire. Oh, you know what? I think I just crit the womp. 35. He crits the womp. Oh, my God. Amazing. Perfect.

Yeah, I mean, they don't know. Honestly, they wouldn't know based on the backstory of why they are the way they are. So this is the key. 34 points of damage. Amazing. Wow. Great. Big turn.

And then it'll swing again. And that's a 30, not a crit, but a hit. Dude, that's more damage than Ethel could do. Shut up. Shut up. I valiantly gave my life to Grave Rot and other things. To start this construct war alright that's 12 points of damage on that hit

alright now it's Womp number 3's turn so Womp number 3 is the one that's right in front of Ethel so this is where he would take that damage and I'm gonna have him back off as well nice huge they don't like this they don't like this

they don't like this and then it's Eris' turn alright, so I've been furiously trying to read about familiars in combat to see if I really need to like focus on it

to have him move and I'm pretty sure that like, yeah, I need to, like, focus on it to have him move, and I'm pretty sure that, like, yeah, I need to command the puppet to move out of the fire. Which would, like, I mean, what I could do, spend an action to give Egg two actions. So I could have Egg move out the fire towards the wall, and then do something. That could be fun. How many hit points does Egg have? Because right now is when it takes its 15 points of damage.

So is Egg still okay? Well, only taking four points of damage. So his egg's still okay? Well, only taking four points of damage. But he's susceptible to fire. Oh. He is a fabric doll. Gains weakness to fire equal to my level, which is eight.

That's eight more points. Oh, no. Oh no. Oh my god. So then that's how many points of damage? Four plus eight, twelve? Twelve, yeah. Okay, they have thirty points of hit points. So they can move out of the five. Or forty. That's a lot of hit points. Can we just remove

that? Twelve. Well, this is the tricky thing, right? Because if you just leave the poppet there to perish, you save your actions. Yeah, and I'm also trying to wonder, like, do I know if my poppet dies in the dream world? Does my poppet die in real life? Do I have to, like, make another one? I'm still unclear if this poppet is a living, breathing creature. It's not living, but it does have a mind.

It does have a mind and it walks. Yeah, I mean, I think there's a real conflict there. You don't know. It has a soul. I think you said it had a soul. Well, that was like flavor soul, you know? Well, it was fun. She said, and I quote,

it has a soul but it's not alive and Troy was like somehow that's worse something like that yeah I mean you've seen everybody else die

and they come back with crazy maybe old egg will come back with cognitive dissonance or maybe it won't and you'll have to make egg too the egg in egg

I'll have to make another one. To get another soul. Or mind. Or whatever. However any of this works. Alright. Alright. What does telekinetic protectiles do? Just throw egg.

Right? You actually could do that. Mind throw egg across to safety. I could, but then I'm wasting all of this stuff. I want to try to teleconnect projectile something to try to chop off one of the guys in the middle feet. The womp in the middle there?

The womp that's over by us. Yeah, try to hit it with a projectile. That's great. To cut off a foot. And then someone can run. Yeah. Try to hit it with a projectile. That's great. To cut off a foot. And then someone can run up. Just try to hit it. Okay. Try to hit it.

Try to kill it, and then we can get the foot. That's why I think, that's why I'm delaying. I feel like I'm invisible. If we kill it, I can easily get the foot, maybe. Yeah. And disappear. So don't projectile. Just try to kill it.

No, you can projectile to kill it, but I'm saying if you try to target a limb, it might make the roll so hard you just won't hit. Right. You can find a blunt projectile so you'll get that bonus damage too. But we're going against the want. Are they more susceptible to bludgeoning?

That's right, I'm sorry. So it doesn't matter. So I'm going to spend one action then. I'm so sorry, Egg. I hope you live, I guess. Whatever. I'm spending. So it doesn't matter. So I'm going to spend one action then. I'm so sorry, Egg. I hope you live, I guess. Whatever. I'm spending one action to continue. Not my actions! I actually do kind of like telepathically feel its pain

a little bit. Oh my god. I'm sorry! I'm in my light head. This is a continuation of Suki's nightmare. She's hurting yet another thing. Great. Yep. I'm spending one action to... Makes me wonder if it was an accident the first time.

I'll never say. Think of the children. Everyone thinks I'm the evil one, but I don't know. I'm spending one action to do my uh shield again which is just verbal which won't provoke but when i do tell connect projectile that is somatic and that will provoke so do you want me to do that first or do you want to do your provoking things um i'll do my provoking thing first um that will interrupt your casting. Let's see. I don't know. This die's been rolling real well.

But it's not rolling well now. That is a 26 to it. I did not use my guidance. And I don't think I can use it on my status bonus. I can use a plus one to a status bonus. Does that include ace?

No. Attack roll, perception, saving. My AC is 25 with my shield, which is why I'm like, can I use my guidance that I casted? Did I roll? You rolled a 26, so you would still hit anyway. Oh, but that was actually a miss for my last turn. Oh, wait, no.

I thought, I'm sorry, it's a miss. It's a 23. I thought that was a nine. I rolled a 6. Oh. I'm so glad that I asked a question and made you think about it, Mark. That's a real problem. Lesson learned. Okay, yeah, miss.

So I continue. What do I throw at it? A sharp piece of fence? Yeah, there's like the it's like a metal fence with spikes at the top, and there's some spikes that have rotted over time. And so it's like a yellowing spike. Not ceramic, because it wasn't alive to begin with,

but it's just like this rusty old spike. A rusted arrowhead almost. Elliot. Yes! Come on, impale it! Natural 11, so that's a 27 27 against the Womp

is a hit Yes! Womp womp womp Okay, so that's 46 Hold on, I wasn't prepared for this Womp womp womp Only got 3 So, here we go Womp, womp, womp! Two, one, three. Only got three, so here you go.

Plus four, five, six, seven, nine, plus four. That's 13 points of damage. That's terrific. 13 points of damage. It's fantastic. So it's just like, yeah, I imagine this little spike just comes flying through and comes out the other end. But also, I would assume that provokes. We settled that before. We settled that.

Sorry, I missed. Got it, I missed it. My nine that was actually a six. Oh, that's what that was. Yes. All right, Eris. All right. All right.

It's his womp number four's turn. Who could forget womp four this is where he would have taken that ring of fire damage and he too backs up he doesn't like this shit they're scared of fire in my world here um and now it's aldo's turn most things are scared of fire in most worlds i think that's a safe default position to take. Yeah, I'm not really sure. I guess I'm just going to... Yeah, it closed on me.

All right, I'm going to take a step back, closer and closer to the edge of the universe. And I'm going to throw... Yeah, I'm actually going to throw one at the one that's on Suki here. I'm going to throw an acid flask on that one. Okay. Natural one. Oh, gosh.

Golly poop. Would it make you feel better to choose the city? Absalom. Do we have any fumbles from Absalom, Joe? No. It's the closest city to Absalom. Are you sure? We have the next best thing. Rome, Italy.

Oh, hey, that's where the city was just in Rome. Holy. Rome, Italy. Oh. Hey, that's where Sydney was just in Rome. Holy shit. Or Italy. This one from Andrew in Naples. Ah. Oh. Napoli. Napoli.

That was way off. You miss so bad. You can't... Oh, this is horrible. Don't say it. Don't say it. You miss so bad you can't stop thinking about how poor your aim was.

Lose all remaining actions in the current round. Oh, come on! Didn't they know when they wrote that Skid might get it? I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world. I only had one action left, and it was probably going to have two left. No, because I had to step back. Well, Skid, his name was Andrew.

I will email you his address, which I have here. Andrew, grazie, Andrew, grazie. Grazie, grazie. Now to get you to go to Naples. I love Naples. I love Naples. I've been to Naples, Florida. I'd love to go to Naples. I love Naples. I love Naples. I've been to Naples, Florida. I'd love to go to Naples, Italy.

Complete the set. It's not as nice. Really similar. One thing we forgot, Eris, on your turn would have been Egg's turn. So Egg takes another 12 points of damage. Well, actually, I also just read that minions don't use any actions if we don't command them except to defend themselves or escape from obvious harm. Oh.

So I'm going to say that it's a backup. Oh, wow. So minions just get free actions if it falls into those two categories? If given no commands, minions use no actions except to defend themselves

or to escape obvious harm. And my familiar has the minion trait. That is actually brilliant. That's so smart. They wrote that in the rules. That's great. All right, so minions. Oh, now she's disturbingly tall.

Little eggs. Or they're disturbingly tall. Like, fuck you guys, runs up here. Fucking out of here, man. Egg is Kenny from South Pole. That thing's hot. All right, so that was Aldo's turn Now it's Ceramic Guardian 2's turn This Ceramic Guardian

If you're following along at home Which one is this? This is the one right next to Eris Has yet to have been touched It will take a Massive swing At Eris's yawning flesh. All right, let's see.

That is a 29 to hit. Yeah, that hits even with my shield. The Cemetery Sentinel. What are you hitting me with? A longsword. Oh, okay. Give me my damage. Not terrible. 12 points Give me my damage. Not terrible.

12 points of slashing damage. And you need to make a fortitude save. Oh, do I? Because I remember this time. Because my gaping flesh yawns open. Natural 20 on the fortitude save. But you know what? That means that this attack can't possibly be a natural 20.

Second attack is going to be a natural 20. Second attack is going to be a 27 to hit, which hits for 15 points of slashing damage. And then it will yet again raise a shield. And then it is Ceramic Guardian 3's

turn, which is the one that is facing Suki. And that one is onuki. And that one is on fire. So that one will take a swing at the Sukmeister General. 20, excuse me, 32 to hit. Yeah.

Hits you for 20 points of slashing damage. Oh, man, this sucks. Yep, second attack may be a critical. That is a a With the map 31 No not a critical

I rolled a 90-19 I am about to go down Well let me ask you this Is 14 points of slashing enough to get you down No but it is so Close Does your ring of fire require

concentration? No, it just lasts for a minute. I knew that when I cast it, just in case this happened. That's amazing. Okay. Woo! Woo! Alright, so now give me that persistent fire damage, because last action I'm going to raise my shield. Okay, it's just, I don't roll for it.

Oh, it's just four. Oh, it's two, okay. Alright, and then flat check, 14 on the die. He is still on fire. Awesome. Okay, and now it is Womp number one's turn. Womp number one is the one that felled

Ethel. So then it's my turn. Then it's Ethel's turn. Yeah, this is where he would have taken his damage. Hold on, it's Ethel's turn. Oh, it goes where he would have taken his damage. Hold on, it's Ethel's turn. Oh, it goes right before. I'm sorry, yes. I moved in the issue. Okay, so I get my flat check. I am dying two, so this is DC 12. Recovery check.

Recovery check. That is a 16. Okay. I wake up in a horrible ring of fire. No, you are. Oh, no. You are now. You're now going to dying one. So you go from dying two to dying one,

which is better than dying two. And twice as good as dying three. Okay. Now, it is number one's turn. This is where he would have taken his damage. He is actually going to come out of the fire. So he will take another 4d6 points of damage.

That's you, Suki. Oh, sorry. I was just looking at all of my spells trying to figure out how not to die. Actually, Suki, give me... It looks like I haven't taken any damage yet, because I think we... So give me 4d6 twice. Because he crossed.

Yeah. 18 for the first one. Okay. You are rolling. Yeah. That was a 5, 5, 5. Ooh, double sixes and double ones. So that's going to be a third...

14. 14. Wow. 14, okay. All right, so significant damage. It's going to come up. Damn it. I know, that sucks.

That sucks. And it's going to... Let's see, let me just see how far I got. 5, 10, 15, 20. 5, 10, 15, 20 25, 30 Alright, so it comes all the way up to Aldo but as it moves past the guardian that's near Suki

that guardian swings at it. Yes! Oh, nice. Rolls a 28 and hits it for 13 points of damage. Perfect. And then it attacks Aldo with its jaws. One bite. Everybody knows the rules. One bite.

Everybody knows the rules. It's going to be 34 to hit. Yeah, that is a crit. Oh, my God. So just like what happened to Ethel, that's 30 points of slashing damage. Man. No, not slashing.

I'm looking at the wrong damage. It is 13 points of piercing. Sorry, I was looking at this ceramic guarding. Oh, times two, 26 points of piercing. Okay, okay. Sorry, yeah. Still up? Still up, barely.

All right, now give me a fortitude save. Jeez. Natural one. This is the best. Oh, my God. So you go right to stage two of Grave Rot as well. Uh, natural one. This is the best. Oh my god! So you go right to stage two of Grave Rot as well. Sickened two.

Okay. That lasts for eight hours before you're gonna roll again. Great. Alright, so yeah, it's gross, disgusting mouth covered in just dead flesh gets on you and you have contracted Grave Rot. It is now Womp 6's turn.

All right, so these Womps are all back here, and until something changes, I'm going to kind of leave them there for now. So it's going to then go to Suki. Big, big turn for Suki here. Oh, my God. All right, yeah, Suki's not doing too hot. Suki's going doing too hot. Suki's gonna take a step back to be out of the AOO of that guardian that's on fire.

And she is going to cast Wild Shape. And I'm gonna turn into a big old brontosaurus. Yeah. Whoa. Nice. Awesome. Which is a dinosaur that never existed. Doesn't exist.

What? But maybe it does in Galarian. Maybe it does in Galarian. Yeah, how dare you? It was just the wrong skull on another dinosaur. Is that true? You could be a brachiosaurus. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a made-up dinosaur, yeah. You learn something new every day. Wow. You could be a brachiosaurus or bigger anyway. You could be one of them. That's true. And they got the whole nostrils on the top of the head.

Let's assume that this is the bronchia. Because basically I'm using this for its bludgeoning damage. It has tail bludgeoning as well as foot bludgeoning. So just a big, big boy. What size is it? I believe it's medium. I don't think I can change this. Oh, no.

Large. Large animal. It's a large animal. Okay. I'll find one. Eventually. Alright, here's one that has, like, wheels on it. Oh, cool. Yeah, I'm a big dinosaur wearing roller skates. That's

comical and fun. There you go. Cool, thanks. That might be, like, I think that's a... looks like a catapult attached to a triceratops' back. Oh, yeah, you're right. That's what you said, right? That's dope, yeah, that's great. Nailed it.

I tried to follow your description as closest I could. Amazing. Triceratopult. No, no. They call me a triceratopult. Can you imagine the guy who devoted his life to inventing the catapult that one could affix me a triceratop. Can you imagine the guy who devoted his life to inventing the catapult that one could affix to a triceratop? In case they came back.

Yeah. We'd have to be ready. Sadly, he was killed. And that's all my actions, because I had to move back, because I didn't want to die. All right, so move back, turn into a triceratop. It is now Atticus's turn because Womp 5 is busy. I'm still just waiting.

Still busy. Just waiting. Waiting for you to kill this Womp. The Womp that is near the Ceramic Guardian will actually bite at the Ceramic Guardian. It's perfect. Breaks his teeth and takes damage. Yeah, he actually... He hits him for...

14 points of damage. Okay. Now it is... Ceramic guardian one's turn. Which one is this? All right. This one is just to the north of Eris. It will strike out at Eris as well.

Eris, you better hope for some low rolls here. Yeah, my shield's gone now. Okay. That was a low roll. That is a 23. Miss. Nice. Nice.

Second attack is a 23. Miss. Nice. Second attack is a 25. Hit. Damn. And that one is yikes, 19 points of slashing damage. And it raises its shield.

Okay. Okay. shield. Okay. It's a new round. It's a new round in this horrible, horrible fight. Let's take it to Ceramic Guardian

4. That is the one that is near the Womp. So he is going to unload on the Womp where Ethel is still out. Okay, this might be enough to kill the Womp.

That is a 20, so he misses on the first attack. Come on! And then he hits with a 29. Yeah. 18 points of damage. And that is enough to kill the Womp. Yes! Oh, my God.

The Womp had 16 hit points left. All right, so there was a dead Womp on the battlefield. Ladies and gentlemen, there was a dead Womp on the battlefield. Can we just grab the whole corpse? Yeah, can we just, like, body hug the whole corpse and wake up? Yeah, when does it become an object? You know what I mean? The foot.

Yeah, I mean, that's really interesting, right? How big are they? I'm sure if the rule says it's three actions to cut the foot off, you have to cut the foot off. Also, I think, Joe, I would argue that cutting the foot off of a dead womp is not an offensive

act. Yeah, you're not dealing any damage. You can stay invisible. I would agree. I would agree with that. That's my whole plan. Okay, alright, so there is a dead womp. That guardian is now... He's lost that target. Oh my god, if this works, Joe,

this might be the first time in how many episodes? 63 episodes that your delay strategy actually paid off? Yeah, this would be incredible. This would be such a huge, dramatic payoff. Well, let me ask you, O'Brien. It's Eris's turn, but

you delayed, so you can go whenever you want. Yeah. And I'm just trying to decide if my if doing this is going to... Oh, whatever. I don't care. I'm going to do it. But, okay. Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to move up next to it. Okay? Then I'm going to cast Illusory Object right where Egg is. And I'm going to appear crawling out of the ground

a large size womp that looks like a mama womp. And it makes this horrific bleeding sound. And it's like and attracts the attention of all constructs by law. That's right out of the book, huh?

Right out of the book. So, yeah, and that's three actions. Okay. Great. Not an offensive act. Not an attack. No, not an attack. Hey! Hey! Over here, not an attack. Hey!

Hey! Over here, you dummies! Hey! Suki sees it as a dinosaur and is like, Oh my god, this is terrible. Yeah, now Suki's going to spend all her actions attacking it. Just missing the illusion. Look at this battlefield.

There's a ring of fire around a dying Ethel, a triceratopult, and a giant womp saying, Hey! Hey! Hey! All right, she's in a worse nightmare. This is a terrible, terrible nightmare. It really is.

Right at the edge of a graveyard. If Ethel manages to wake up, he thought it was a pretty terrible nightmare, and then if he's going to wake up inside of a ring of fire with a dinosaur and a mama womp, like... He's going to think that he died and went to hell. That would be his first assumption. And then he's going to have to, and when he realizes that's not true,

he's going to maybe have to consider his employment. It is Eris's turn. Eris, you've hung out with these people long enough. You might be able to discern that this is the work of the illusionist rat. But right now you've got two guys in front of you that are set on killing you. What do you do?

I need to get away from these things. So I want to take a five foot step yeah okay but you still have reach right yeah you need to move back away that's kind of more of a lateral

motion and you're still in the same shitty position I know, after I take a five-foot step, can I then, like... What? I've got 25 feet of speed. Damn it. I'm gonna cast... I feel like in 2E

you can step and then stride. Like, you can just get away. That's how you withdraw, I think, in 2E. And then striding is your two other actions. Just your speed. Yeah. Stride is one action. actions. Just your speed. Yeah. Stride is one action. Move up to your speed, which is 25 or 30 feet. If you want, you could

literally just take off. Yeah, you can double stride. I'm going to double stride, which is 50 feet. And I want to move up next to my poppet. So I'm going to take it with me when we wake up. I feel like Atticus has got this. Well, if you want to move next to the poppet, that's where it's going to get

a little tricky because you want to avoid the ceramic jaws. I have to go down and around. No, you can't reach it because of the fire. You want to go up and around. You can get about 10 feet from the illusion where I'm pinging right under the head.

That's 50 feet without provoking. That means avoiding the guardian that I'm pinging here. the... Hey! That's 50 feet without provoking. That means avoiding the guardian that I'm pinging here. Yeah, yeah. No, she goes around the bottom and can get here. And can do that without provoking from this guy? Yep. Can go right behind Atticus and get there. It's 50 feet. Okay.

Okay. And that's my turn. I like that. Step back and then a 50 foot run towards your poppet. And this giant. Stay put. Stay put. Mommy's coming.

You burned me. All right. It's womp number four's turn. Womp number six is dead. Womp number one is the other one that's crossed, so not worrying about him. So then it goes to Aldo's turn. Aldo, yeah, this really is, like, so horrific. It's just, like, he's sickened now.

He's being cut open by this horrible, erroneous, bosh creature. His employee is engulfed in flames. Hieronymus Bosch creature. His employee is engulfed in flames. He's going to take a five-foot step back, and he's going to throw an alchemist fire at this womp. He's trying to buy time. That is a 24 to hit?

24 hits. Nice. All right. Oh, nice. That is 14 points of damage. And that womp is dead. Oh, nice. That is 14 points of damage. And that womp is dead. Oh, my goodness. It took the AOO and everything. Nice.

Two dead womps. We've got multiple options. And we're going to throw three feet at the front of the dead womp. Count them. To make up for the foot of the dead. Count them. To make up for the stuff we didn't get. Exactly. And actually, the ceramic warrior next to the womp also takes four points of fire damage. Right.

Okay. And I'm going to throw an acid flask on that self-same ceramic guy. That is a 21 to hit. 21 misses. So that is four points of acid splash damage. Nice. So now you've got the two persistent. Oh, I'm sorry.

You already killed the womp. That's right. Yeah, yeah. But that's it for me. That's it for you. Good round there. So that's it for me. That's it for you. Good round there. So you got two whomps. You do have two options, and you got to consider that it takes three actions to wake up,

and it's a will save. That's not a gimme. So having multiple options here is going to be good. I'm not going to wake up. I'm definitely going to die. I don't see any way that I get out of this without going crazy. Yeah, I also think that we're okay, I think, in this case. I think dying is okay here.

Because they can heal us when we wake up. That's true. We're in the one geographical place. I don't know about the grave rot. But yeah, this is the first situation where, even after we wake up, we're with people that have the magic to cure the madnesses. Yeah, by deciding to spend the night with the Stardust Augers, you feel like you'll be safe

should you die. This Ceramic Guardian moves up to Aldo and takes a strike. That's a 25. A hit. Alright. That's still huge. just pulling him away is huge

16 points of slashing okay and I'm down dying one so Atticus goes down and then with his remaining excuse me Aldo with his remaining action it starts going towards the Triceratops and then

ceramic guardian three which one is that so many fucking things alright this one is going to move up to the triceratopult and take a fire damage before you do that

I know I take it at the end of my turn at the end of the turn sorry that's gonna be a 35, Suki. Come on. Is that a crit? Hold on, let me check with my dinosaur form. End of the turn is important because it doesn't go down before it gets its actions to kill you. No, that's not a crit.

Not a crit, okay. That is definitely a hit. And is it, you have new hit points now or no? You still maintain your hit points. No, I have new hit points. You do? Yeah, AC equals 18 plus my level. Right, but your hit points still remain your hit points.

Oh, sorry. New hit points. I have 15 temporary hit points. You get that little boost, John. Yeah. Okay. Well, that first attack, you're going to take 14 points of slashing. Okay. Well, that first attack, you're going to take 14 points of slashing. Okay.

There goes most of the temp. You could survive this. No. Second attack. No. Oh, 22. Miss. Miss, okay.

And it had to move to get there. So you survived it, and now it is Ethel. Give me another roll. Hold on fire damage Oh fire And then the roll The persistent roll Still I rolled a 10

Yes Burn baby burn And that's two points of fire Now Ethel give me your roll To see if you Come back to life 13 of fire. Please die. Okay. Now Ethel, give me your roll to see if you... Please die. Come back to life. 13. 13. So I wake up.

You do not wake up. You are at zero. Unconscious but not dying. Can I spend my hero point now to return to one hit point? I think you can. I don't see why not. Oh yeah. You can just wake up. You can wake up and then wake up

and then wake up yeah so I'll do that um you can spend all your hero points when your dying condition would increase right or you lose the dying condition and stabilize

you don't get the wound or you can use it to re-roll a check. Yeah, I don't think you can. I thought you could spend it to return to zero. You can use it when your dying condition would increase. You have to fail a dying roll. Yeah, that's the one caveat that early on we were forgetting about. Yeah.

All right, so I'm just at zero hit points. Zero. And then, like like unless somebody heals you you're just not dying right but but he can wake up naturally within 10 minutes uh minimum maximum one hour depend not maximum hour it's dependent on the gm but it's usually minimum 10 minutes can you can naturally recover one hit point, but by that point, the creatures would just eat your body. So it's kind of... How long is it?

You would have to get magically healed. You're also wounded one. Yes. You're wounded one from going... from dying to... not dying. So you're wounded one. If you go dying again and come back again, you'll go to wounded two.

Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright. It is Suki's turn. I can't believe you're still alive. I cannot believe I'm still alive. This is truly the dice gods have blessed me. Hey! Hey!

She's thinking about going to that big mama wall, but she goes, ah! She's thinking about going to that big mama wall, but she goes, Ah! She goes, Maybe not. And she's going to whip her triceratops. Triceratop?

Triceratop. She's going to whip her tail around and smack the ceramic guardian to the left, the one that is not on fire. Okay. And that's going to be my dice. Can I ask why? He hurt me. Okay.

Yeah. Because the other one has taken a lot of damage, and that one hasn't taken any. Okay, you know what? I'll hit the damaged one first. I get two. I'm going to attack twice, but I'll hit the damage one first. Okay. And let me just see.

You should hit him second. Okay. We'll just see what happens. That's going to be. What is my plus? Is it still my regular plus? Sorry. Give me one sec.

We're having a good time. Going long today, huh? Yeah, very long. Very long. Plus 16. Who would have guessed it with 25 combatants? Pathfinder 2E Really, it's good for a good tight one hour show 26 to hit 26 to hit

Is a hit You keep saying the system makes Combats long But you put 19 enemies in every Fight that we do I didn't put them in there! You know you are endowed with the authority to alter. I know, but if I

do that, you're going to stomp these encounters. Yeah, that is the way the system is balanced, is by multiple enemies. Yeah, more creatures. Yeah, we would have stomped this unwinnable combat. Honestly, this won't be a Gatewalker's problem, but it's a problem

right now for these encounters. I did say tail. I realized the foot has 2d8 and the tail is 2d6, but that's okay because I rolled double sixes. That's going to be 12 plus 9. I have a damage

bonus of a plus 9 as this creature. Nice. Okay, is that bludgeoning damage, Majin? Bludgeoning damage. Beautiful. And did I miss your hit roll? 26. 26, yeah.

It was 26. Okay, okay, so that does extra damage. Do you want to attack that one again? It didn't die? No. They don't ever die. They have unlimited hit points. I will try to attack it again.

Why not? The only enemies in the game that have unlimited hit points. Natural. Twanzoni. Yeah, there we go. The Twanzoni. Now we will truly see if a construct can fall. Yeah.

And then I'll do the 2d8. I'll do it with the foot as 2d8s for bludgeoning. Wait, are we getting a crit or what? Yeah, you're a named character. You're a named character. All right, pulling a rando. We got from James the Limey. Oh, in Austin, Texas. Oh, I know that guy. I know that guy from Twitch. Yeah, he lives in Austin, yeah. What's up, James the Limey. Oh, in Austin, Texas. Oh, I know that guy.

I know that guy from Twitch. Yeah, he lives in Austin, yeah. What's up, James the Limey? James. Perfect segue. And then the first thing the goddamn thing says in brackets is Joe, it's pronounced segue. And like phonetically

writes out segue. It's offensive. Because he would have saidetically writes out Segway. It's offensive. Because he would have said Segooey. Segooey. Your attack is so perfect that with the effortless grace of Skidmar doing a legacy of the ancients intro, you launch another attack immediately afterward against a target already within range. Oh, wow. The initial critical hit does double damage.

The attack roll for the follow up is made as a free action with a plus four circumstance bonus. The follow-up attack is otherwise made with the same attack penalty as this attack. So you still take your one... No. It's basically the penalty of your second attack, not your penalty of your third. But you get a plus four circumstance bonus. So, I think this is awesome. Thank you, James. Thank you, James Lelimey. That's a fun one.

Thanks, man. So that's 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 times 2. So, 24. Plus the weakness. And for the first time, a ceramic guardian shatters.

Oh my god! The history of the Dreamlands. Right? Just crumbles to the ground. It was with the foot, too. So this dinosaur just grinds this. It's just like it goes beneath the earth. It is, like, buried into this soil.

Nice. Awesome. And then I'm going to attack the one next to it. Why not? I'm having a blast. Yeah, you wanted to do this all along. Yeah. We're having a good time.

All right, so use your second attack, but add a plus four to it in terms of the numbers. 25. 25 is a hit. Yay! Nice. And this will be with, I'm going to go back to the tail bludgeoning Which is the 2d6 I rolled better on that Uh 6 Uh 15

15 alright with the bludge that is a Nice little shotgun that guy has finally taken Damage 7 rounds into the combat Then He was a front line combatant the entire time Then Suki is going to move away. Wait, would that incur...

Moving away? Yes. Unless you just do a step. But did that guy... That guy already went in this round, so he already... Oh, no, he didn't. It's just a reaction. If you just take a step, it won't

hurt you, but if you want to move more. I'll take a step back. It's not going to help me. I'm going to die in the next round, but I did my best. It will help you because it forces him to use an action to move. It helps. But I'll die after one swing, so this was a fun time.

You can now control the dinosaur without sliding. Thank you. Slide her back. Watch this. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, man. She's mad with power. Alright, hell of a round for Suki here. Where the hell are you?

Alright, it's Ceramic Guardian 1's turn. Ceramic Guardian 1 is the one that's near Aldo. Aldo's down, so he is going to slide over to Eris. Oh, no. Look at Kate's face.

Oh, no. Kate. Flanking with the Womp. There's no Womp near me. You are so lucky, the Illusory Womp. Oh, okay. I rolled a 22.

That's a miss, right? Oh, that's a miss. Oh. All right. Second and final? Oh, that's a miss. Second and final attack. Come on. 20. Miss! Miss! Miss! So that Guardian misses.

Alright, we got a new round here. And it is... The one near Atticus's turn, the guardian near Atticus. So Ethel is still out. This one goes up to the illusion and strikes at the illusion. So, do I have to roll to hit it?

We did this a couple weeks ago. I can't remember. I think it's once I interact with it, I know it's not, right? Um... I did this a couple weeks ago. I can't remember. I think it's once I interact with it, I know it's not, right? Any creature that touches the image or uses the seek action can attempt to disbelieve the illusion. All right, so what's the will save? It's a will save. Okay. Let me just make sure I got their will.

Very low will. That is a 18. Okay, so that's a fail. So basically, he hits the image. It has, you know, it feels like, to him, it feels like he can smell it, he can hear it, he can see it, and it looks like it just dodged out of the way. He's like, down, foul beast! He swings again.

Or he hits it and, like, it wounds it. It's like, aha, I wounded it. Yeah, yeah. I swung again. He's seen what he wants to see. A natural two on the will save for the second attack. So he moves up, swings twice, and he's like, ah, he's trying to defeat you. So that's a critical failure.

On a critical failure, you set down all weapons and walk casually away from the combat. That is not what she said. For one minute. That's what it says. Oh my. That's so lucky. That's so fortunate. What the hell? You know what?

This living statue puts out its sword and shield and walks off. It's funny that it says casually. It's not afraid. A casually. I know, casually. It's not afraid. There's a bit of flavor they threw in there. Putting that horrible monster behind it.

He's like, I'm sure it won't attack me. Is that guardian whistling as he saunters away? So weird. Atticus, it is your turn. Well, we have a problem Which is I forgot About the Action required to pull out A goddamn dagger

Don't worry about it Okay, dagger comes out Three action, dagger draw Three actions to cut the thing off Yeah, honestly, it's a little arbitrary The amount of actions You just have to spend a turn doing it So you're spending the turn pulling out the thing And. Yeah, honestly, it's a little arbitrary, the amount of actions. You just have to spend a turn doing it. So you're spending the turn pulling out the thing, and you're

fucking hacking away. And he's just like, I mean, he is so stressed. He's trying to get this thing off, and he's looking around, because he expects any second, a giant spear is just going to go right through his back or something. You know what I mean? He's just like, looking behind him. Alright, so you have this foot. At any point, anyone

could come take this foot from you. But Ethel and Aldo are unconscious, and Suki's about to go down, and Eris is going after the poppet. I mean, yeah, this is... Oh, boy. Aldo, give me a roll

to see if you stay by. It's a DC 11, right? Yeah, I'm dying one, so that is a fail. So I'm at dying two. All right, so Aldo goes to dying two, and then the remaining Ceramic Guardians here. This one will step up and attack Suki-Saurus. Wow. That's a 29 to attack Suki-saurus.

That's a 29 to hit Suki-saurus. Yeah. Hit Suki-saurus for 12 points of slashing damage. And I'm down. I had one point. I had one hit point. I had six hit points. I had six hit points.

Okay. So I turn out. I turn. My dinosaur disappears. It's just whoosh. And Suki's limp, lifeless body just plummets like five feet down to the ground. And it starts making its way toward the Womp. And perhaps Egg.

As for Guardian number three. Okay, that's the one that's dead. So now it goes to Ethel. Ethel, what can you do? I dream... Do you dream in the dreamlands? Does... Well, I dream. I dream. Yeah, you can't do anything, right? Unless somebody can come heal you in that ring of fire.

Yeah, the rule says that GM's discretion is what will wake me up naturally. Minutes... Anywhere from minutes to hours. Yeah, I mean, this is the safest place for you because at a certain point, post-combat, you could wake up and just roll that will save to wake up

and be fine. I've got less than a minute before the fire goes away and everyone descends upon me and eats me. This is true. And eats my butt. Suki, you now move... That might wake me up. But it would also kill me.

Suki, you move in the initiative order. Ceramic Guardian, one. This is the one near Eris. Let's see if Eris is going to fall. That might be a crit. It's certainly a hit. Maybe not a crit. 35.

Yeah, that's a crit. It's certainly a hit. Maybe not a crit. 35. Yeah, that's a crit. Oh, dear. Wait. Eris didn't go yet? I haven't gone yet. That one already... Did I skip you? I'm sorry, Eris.

I skipped you, so you go. You should be sorry. I'm sorry. You better take back that crit. There's 400 characters on my initial job. What I would like to do is have another person with us in combat. So I'm going to take a five foot step back away from this. Courage of that creature walking towards that giant womp.

No, it'll kill you. No. And remember, that womp is not standing there like, you know, like, it's thrashing, it's like screaming, it's looking like it's swinging at things, you know, like, it does look very scary and deadly. Five foot step back from the one that's on me,

and I'm going to call out to Ethel to soothe you. I'm gonna be like, babe! Babe! It's to be all right. I believe in you. Babe. You got this. So that's 1d10 plus 4 hit points that you get. Oh, amazing.

Soothe. 10. So you get 14 hit points, and then you also get a plus 2 status bonus to staves against mental effects for one minute if that comes up. That is great. A hippo wakes up into an awful

into an awful awful night. You hear Aris' voice in your mind wake you up. Like surrounded by fire. But he hears Aris say, babe, maybe he thinks he's going to be all right. Oh.

Wait, you get a plus two to what saves? Mental. Mental effects for the duration, which is one minute. That would be a, I'll give you that bonus to wake up because what,

why wouldn't that be the wake up action? That is as mental as it comes. I'm sorry. Can I, can I ruin this wonderful moment with rules or should we just pretend that we don't play by the wrong? Yeah. Okay.

No, tell us, tell what happened. Is it touch? I believe that by the rules, you're going to need a DC5 flat check because he is concealed behind a wall of fire. Okay, so it's not ruined yet.

Joe, what the hell? I'm just saying. I was thinking in my head about him being concealed but I forgot that she can't see him. So DC5, just roll above a 5 on a D20. 15. There you go.

See, and you did it by the book and you earned it. Now we can all sleep tonight. Doesn't that feel better? Doesn't that feel better? No. You know what? It does. I love following rules.

Soothe. Babe. Hold on. Babe. There you are. Babe. Babe. Babe.

Babe. All in your head. All right. Now. Now I'm going to kill you. Now he moves Good. All in your head. All right. Now. Now I'm going to kill you. Now he moves up. I'll reroll. It's fine.

I messed up. 25 is the first one. Hits for almost maximum damage. Yeah. That is 23 points of slashing damage. Cool. I'm still up. Damn.

Still up. That shield really helps that I was casting, which I didn't cast last turn because I was saving. And I missed with a 16 on the final attack. Nice. All right. Okay. Eris, you have been the tank. Yes.

Yeah, basically. This combat is amazing. Shield cantrip is clutch, man. Eris you have been the tank yes yeah basic rule is combat amazing shield cantrip is clutch man it is clutch alright

it's round seven this is what it all comes down to it is ceramic guardian four's turn this is the one that is

hacking at the whomp he critically failed his save so he's like I've almost got him alright so this is just gonna be a straight up will save and I failed again with an 18 stand down beast

swings again alright natty19 he's now like what the fuck have I been doing what the hell have I been doing? What the hell am I doing? And so it's not even there. He's just going to close on Eris with his final action.

So Eris is now surrounded. He's done eight out of four of that thing's actions, which is awesome. Yeah, two rounds of it. And now Eris is surrounded by these ceramic guardians. And in fact, I don't think there's a five-foot step she can make that doesn't put her within range of their attacks

because of the one to the north here. Alright, so this is really going to come down to the wire. It is Atticus's turn to try and wake up. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Waking up. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Waking up.

Wake up, wake up, wake up. By the way, at round seven, I mean, that means we're basically four. I've got like four attempts at this, essentially, before the invisibility just wears off. Here we go. It's a will save.

Come on, good buddy. Natty, 17. Yes! 32. Yes! Atticus wakes up. You have six out of the seven gifts! Yes!

And we'll see you next week! Yes! That's pretty good. Yes! It's not bad. We will assume death for all other kids. Death for everybody. I had a bonus to my Wilson. I had a bonus. Yes! That's pretty good. Yes! We will assume death for all other characters. I had a bonus to my Wilson.

I had a bonus. I'm soon. Soon. We did it! Yes. Wow. Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com.

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