The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 72 – Mile High Drub

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

Glass Cannon Live! made its first stop to the great state of Colorado last week for a sold out show to kick off the 2023 Tour! As the heroes begin to explore the lunar prison in earnest, they soon discover there's more going on here than it seems. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Recap 14:44 Gameplay 26:00 Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/rZfDA5cjX4Q For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Keep it fresh at michigan.org. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. My life, Joe! My life, Joe! My life, Joe! My life, Joe! My life, Joe! You're amazing!

That's a lot better than his high school nickname, One Inch Joe. They used to chant it so loud in the gym, in the showers. Rocky Mountain High, Colorado. Finally, Glass Cannon Live has come to the great state of Colorado. Finally. Finally.

Too long. Been too long. The great state of Colorado. Will it be time for that later? This is my second time here. Second time coming for like 24, 48 hours in Colorado. Not that great. Not that great, I'm sorry.

I feel like I stumbled into a fish concert that turned into an American city. It's a very weird town, you have to admit. I can't figure it out, though, because it seems, it feels like it should be really great, right? It seems like there's some money here. There's, like, nice buildings, nice restaurants, great beer, but then it just doesn't deliver. You know what it is? It's kind of like the Russell

Wilson of American cities. Oh, no. That's what I think it is. No. Like, shouldn't he be good? We gave him $245 million. The money says he should be good? We gave him 245 million dollars The money says He should be good Right

Imagine getting paid All that money And still being terrible Actually that's what Joe's like That's his job That's his job Make it till you make it buddy

Joe You have 245 million dollars Fully guaranteed Shoot You got a big raise this year. I'll be honest, we wanted to do... It's really cannibalizing the business, if I'm honest.

I wonder why we're struggling to grow. I was wondering why we're operating at a $245 million deficit this year. Joe is valuable and everything, but is he worth $245 million? Seems a little high. I'll be honest, nothing against Boulder, and everything, but is he worth $245 million? Seems a little high. Seems a little high.

I'll be honest, nothing against Boulder, but we wanted to do the show in Denver. Sadly, the nicest available venue was a Quiznos. So we couldn't... We just didn't think we could fit many people in there. But this is nice. Is this like the rich Denver

or is Denver the poor boulder? How does that work? No. Both cities are terrible. It doesn't matter. But thank you for having us. We're never coming back. What is wrong with you? Let me tell you why. Your candy is poisonous. No one told

us this. Oh, yeah. I thought that you could just go to the candy store and sure enough, it's Troy, you ate so much candy yesterday. You ate so much. I thought we were at the movies. Like every couple hours. Then we were on Mars. Folks, this is a special night

obviously for us. This is the first show of 2023. Yeah! And it's a fucking sellout you guys it's very special obviously for one of our members because it is the first homecoming for Mr. Skidmore Skid Skid Skid Skid Skid! Skid, skid, skid, skid, skid!

Skid, on a scale of one to Joe's salary, how happy are you? I was really happy until you started talking. I get that a lot. I do appreciate your extensive experience of the four square blocks that you visited on this trip. But I do...

I've only had members, two of them. But I've been here the whole week. It has been amazing catching up with people. This is still home for me, and this has been great. And if it's okay, I do have some guests here in the crowd, if it's all right for me. Bring them on stage! All right.

I hope I don't forget anybody. First of all, my friend Dave Flomberg is here. Yeah, Dave. There we go. There he is. With his guest, Heather. They're here. We've been friends since high school.

He just did an interview with me for the Colorado Gazette, which he writes for. And he also, by the way, designed the T-shirt I'm wearing. Oh, that's a good T. Celebrity lanes? Rest in power, Celebrity Sports Center, Colorado Boulevard. Thank you for coming. My best friend since high school, Nick Shelton, is here. The famous Nick Shelton.

He's on the show. He made it. Mentioned in so many podcast episodes. Absolutely. He's somewhere here. Bob, my other friend since high school. The three of us worked at the Cooper 7 in Littleton together. Rob Frakes is here.

Del Dominick, who has been to many of these shows. My old Dungeon Master. Where's Del? Was supposed to be here. He's very sick, so he couldn't make it. He's very, very hurt. But someone who was in our adults' Dungeons & Dragons game, who I haven't seen in like 20 years, is here.

My friend Eric Ziegler is right over there. Hey! He's a great guy, one of the smartest guys, the best guys I've ever known. I haven't seen him in forever. He made it up here. This is awesome. And also, my sister Delia is here known. I haven't seen him in forever. He made it up here. This is awesome. And also, my sister Delia is here.

Yes! Coming up from Steelers Lake. She was at our Washington, D.C. show. I wish she could come to every show. And last but not least, he's a great, he's been a big supporter

of Glass Cannon. He loves our stuff and he's been awesome. My dad. My dad, Pat Marr, and his wife, Melissa. There he is. They're in the back.

Yeah, there we go. Can we get him a better seat? You gotta buy your tickets early next time, Mr. Marr. Skid, I'm so happy for you. I know what it's like coming home to Boston and bringing this shithead back to Philly. It must feel nice. Yeah, it feels great to be here. How many people are sitting in church pews?

We love your commitment to the Glass Cannon Network. Let me tell you, this is how it starts, right? They start showing up and they're like, it's weird that some of the seats are church pews. And a couple shows from now, it's weird that all the seats are church pews. And a couple shows from now, it's weird that all the seats are church pews. And then it's like, when do I get my purple

sash? And finally, when will Vanguard bang my wife? That's how you know you've made it. Praise Log. Praise Log. May all your logs

be smooth. log. Praise log. Praise log. May all your logs be smooth. There it is. I apologize in advance. I feel like this is a church. Let us pray. I think you apologized after the fact. I did. It was really in advance. I should have done it before. I'll say a little prayer later.

We're sold out tonight. We're psyched. I mean, this is a great way to start the year. Come out here and I normally start the show by just making everybody feel bad. Instead, I just did that for Colorado. But I feel like the new pre-show

intro package, you know who all these people are now. So I'm going to start a new tradition instead of just shitting on them, because I'll do that later. We're going to start with some classic Glass Cannon Network bant oh universally beloved

yes it's universally beloved and it may take up half the show but I was sitting backstage sipping on a little gin and juice it's not gin and it's not juice. But I had an idea. I had a topic that is so wild,

it's gonna make your dick explode. And if you don't have a dick, you'll wish you had one. So it can explode! This might be a lot. It's kind of appropriate, though. We're in this old church. Let's just say everyone up here,

I didn't run this by anybody, believes, for argument's sake, let's just say we all believe in some sort of an afterlife, okay? Let's just say, maybe you call it heaven, maybe you call it something else, but let's just say this panel

is composed of people that believe called something else but let's just say this panel is composed of people that believe in something else and not Satanists like Matthew dirty Satan worshippers like Matthew here's my question and I've asked this

to a number of people before but I've never asked you guys let's say you get married right when you're like 20 what is going on here this is a good topic before, but I've never asked you guys. Let's say you get married, right? When you're like 20. What is going on? Here. This is a good topic. Are you just getting like weird like church guilt? No. Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.

Is it making you antsy? Maybe. Yes. Here's the question. Say you get married like 20 years old, right? You're married, fall in love. Love of your life. Maybe you're newer since grade school. Who knows? But like love of your life. And you're married for grade school. Who knows? But like love of your life. And you're married for like 20, 25 years into your 40s, late 40s. And then she dies.

I don't know. I don't know. Wait, right? She dies. Is there a question? Why do you have to put me through drama for this question? So she dies. Love of your life.

Mr. LaValle, I'm going to need you to come to a question at some point. All right, it's coming. Your Honor, is there a question in our future? Is there a question in our future? So, 20, 25 years, she dies. I object. Dude, there's nothing to object to. Listen, I object to the love of my life dying at 30 years old.

It's just... Object to much hypothetical. She was very sick for a long time. Great. That doesn't matter. She's dead. She's dead. Will you move on?

Okay. She's dead to this sweet release for the love of my life. All right, let's move on. She's dead. Will you move on? She's dead to this sweet release for the love of my life. All right, let's move on. She's dead. Will you move on? Move on. Okay.

Wait, so actually has it gotten to that place where we're like, you're kind of like secretly hoping? No, no. Come on. Matthew. So much. That was just recorded.

This scenario, please, I believe in an afterlife. All right. So much. That was just recorded. This scenario, please, I believe in an afterlife. All right. All right, listen. She's dead. She's dead. We're moving on. Okay.

Now you're in your what? Late 40s? Couple years pass. A few years, right? We give it enough time, but you fall in love again. Okay? This is a new RPG?

Listen, just listen. You're going to like this, I think. Or at least hang on. You fall in love again, right? You fall in love and you're with this person. I'm just using me with another woman because I told my wife if I die and she remarries, I'll haunt her.

That's so messed up. Let's just say a few years pass, you'll haunt her. That's so messed up. Let's just say, a few years pass, you get married again, and it's like, it's love. It's real fucking love. You fall in love, and you're with this person until both of you die in like your 80s and 90s, okay? Everyone's clear on the situation?

Wait, do you die at the same time? Like within a year of each other. Yes, murder-suicide. I assume that's where this is going. It. Yes, murder-suicide. I assume that's where this is going. It could be a murder-suicide. But the fact is, you live till old age and you die. Who do you spend

eternity with? That's the question? It took 20 minutes to get to that question. I think that's a good fucking question. Let me do an edit for you. Let's say in the course of your life You were married to two different people You love them both When you die who do you spend eternity with

It was more fun the way I did it though Hold on hold on hold on If it's the afterlife It's whatever it is and whatever I want it to be Why not both of them Yeah You're telling me What if they aren't interested

No no no you're telling me when I they aren't interested no no no you're telling me when I die I don't get a thousand virgins I was with you till the thousand virgins it's hot it's hot

what happens what happens yeah I mean I agree with Sydney I think that's the correct answer hold on but then what but then what happens

if they decide they like each other more than you no you didn't define our afterlife for us. And yeah, my afterlife is that everyone loves me. Yes, that's what I'm saying. That sounds like a sitcom on the CW. Listen, there's no wrong answers here.

I just think it's an interesting thought experiment. What is your answer? I think I would kill myself again. Again? Yes, I guess I killed myself in this example. Yeah, you slipped that one in there. No. So he has a murder-suicide.

He has a murder-suicide. Alright, I killed her, alright? Alright, okay. Now, we get to the truth. Now I'm interested. I don't know the answer. Well, I have a definitive answer. Thank you. They say that in heaven, love comes first. That's true.

So heaven is a place on earth. Ladies and gentlemen, Cat Benatar. Cat Benatar. Belinda Carlyle. Is that not in Pat Benatar's? No, no, Cat Benatar is not Belinda Carlyle. Is that not in Pet Penis? No, Pet Penis is not Belinda Carlyle. They're two different people. You could be theoretically married to both of them.

All right, so if I was married to Belinda Carlyle... So did you murder Belinda Carlyle, or did you murder Pet Penis? Now we're just playing, like, fuck, marry, kill. Like, if you had three wives, which one? I don, marry, kill. Like if you had three wives, which one? I don't know, man. Heaven's weird up there.

I bet you it's real weird. Anyways, nobody answered, by the way. What do we do? We play Pathfinder. We've been playing this game For a long time This is episode 72 How many people have listened To all 71 of them?

Yeah Six or seven Cool Well if you didn't listen to those It doesn't matter I think it's time Sir or madam. Then we take it to the recap!

Take it to the recap, Sean! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga. These recaps can get long. Oh, man. It's the first one of the year and the more that I recap, the less show that I have to do. I've already offended those beautiful people back there. They're like, heaven doesn't exist.

I'm out of here. Thanks for testing the waters. They just came for the banter. They just came for the banter. That was good. Once they start rolling dice, I'm out. That's how my dad listens to the show. Listens to the banter and then he's like,

so last week, the heroes, and he turns it off. Listen, whether you've listened to them all or you haven't listened to any, here's all you need to know. Our heroes

recently took a flying dinosaur to the moon. And now they're infiltrating a lunar prison to try and free a sentient fragment of a consciousness

belonging to a man that wronged him. If you don't understand that, then I don't know what to tell you. This AP, this book in particular, has been extremely easy

to follow. Yes. Very linear. Which just sounds like a regular Wednesday in Colorado. 420! Am I right?

Let's, uh, alright, I'll get, I'll get half-hearted. Hey, they were like, hey! They're so used to it, it's not even a joke. I think they're sitting

between cops or something. If you're a cop, you have to tell me. What if you marry a cop? Alright. We are, marry a cop For 30 years

And he turned States evidence Against you We are Currently I hope we don't even Play tonight We're currently

In book three Nearing the end Of book three Of a six book three, of a six book adventure path. It's six? Six, yes. Sydney's just realizing what she signed up for.

I'm tired. Oh, God. Just kidding. You're in this till menopause. It's gonna be her and Kate alone on stage for like several years. Just like with pictures of us. Cardboard standees. We'll be dead. We'll be long dead. I'll do a new memoriam for you.

We'll be in heaven with our many wives. While you're here selling out the Quiznos. Alright. Where am I? Book three. To understand this story best, it's best to understand the characters that have been a part

of this story since the beginning. And of those characters, there's only two. Joe's Atticus Grimm and Skid's Atticus Grimm. Don't cheer. And Skid's Aldo Cassidy. Yeah, there we go. I love it.

One inch Joe. One inch Joe. One inch Joe. They began this adventure when they awoke in an asylum with no memory of who they were or how they got there. And as they began exploring the asylum, they discovered that they used to work for a man named Count Hazerton Lowles IV.

Remember that name. It's very important. He's the leader of the nearby county. And Lowles had them committed. Will you fucking listen when I do the recap? I'm very familiar with the show. Every time I do the recap.

Count Anderson... What's his name? Count Anderson Lowes. Not Home Depot. Lowes. Thurston Howell? Gotta write that down. It's a long recap and you're making it longer. Sorry. Lowe's had them

committed and it seemed like he did so in exchange for the opportunity to speak to one of the patients at the asylum. But anyways, somewhere along the way, Aldo and Atticus's memories were wiped and they have, obviously, no idea how that happened, when that happened. Now, a lot went on in the asylum portion of our adventure, but suffice it to say, they got out and they traveled to the area that the Count presided over to try and track him down.

Be like, WTF, Count? And that's when book two began. be like WTF count. And that's when book two began. Turns out the count left town and the person he left behind was abusing her power by letting a cult run roughshod all over town.

So while trying to combat the cult, Atticus and Aldo, along with some other inmates of the asylum who are no longer with us, dead, they learned a few important things about the Count. They learned that in addition to his duties as the Count,

he was kind of a disgraced scholar, someone that wasn't taken seriously. And he abandoned his post as Count to further his research on a subject that he feels is going to get him the respect he deserves in the academic community. So as far as they know, he left town specifically in search of two things. To try and find a lost city known as Neruzavan.

And to try and track down a copy of a book known as the Necronomicon. The Necronomicon. Fellow nerds will know this is a very powerful and very dangerous book of eldritch knowledge. Don't get it on the microphone. We're only renting these mics. It stung a little bit.

So as we began book three, the hero set off following in the Count's footsteps while pouring over his journals and his tomes and all the shit that they found as his estate. After they dispatched with the cult, they discovered that the count had been experimenting with these rituals that sent his consciousness into another dimension, the dimension of dreams. While he was in the dimension of dreams, he was gathering all these gifts to give to someone known as the mad poet so the heroes enact the dreamland ritual and they meet a piece of lyle's consciousness that like fragmented off

and stayed behind in the dreamlands and he called himself the yellow king and the yellow king told them go find the gifts that lyle's found come back to me and I'll bring you to the mad poet as well. And you can find out what Lyle's is up to. So the past year... We're just preparing for when the show starts. We're talking about important stuff.

You don't have to know. The show starts when you get on the plane Content Content Our heroes have spent the past couple months Taking these same dream journeys They've gathered Most of the gifts that Lyle's got

And met some new people along the way. They met a flesh warp witch named Eris, played by Kate. Hey, guys. Eris had been trapped in the Dreamlands due to some sort of arcane mishap, perhaps. They met an elven druid named Suki,

played by Sydney. Suki is sort of found herself wrapped up in sort of sister-wife cult of some sort. Yes. And they met a simple human divorcee named Ethel Merman, played by Matthew. Ethel is a woodworker slash killer for hire. Think, he's kind of like the professional, right? That's how I see it. Yeah, he's like Leon.

A little bit, yeah. Leon. He was into the professional. Yeah, carving doll furniture out of wood. Yeah. So these jerks meet up, they're all best friends now, and they go back to meet the Yellow King.

And he's fucking gone. He had been captured, it seems like, and taken to the moon! So now we're back to the dinosaur going to the moon, right? So, they take this flying dinosaur to the moon. It's like you're describing a dream you had. It all comes back to the dinosaur on the moon.

And they deplane the dinosaur. And then, of course, they walk in the direction of the nearby lunar prison. And they kill the sole guard outside a fireball wielding ghoul then they broke in the side door to the pantry, the kitchen, the mess hall it's all empty, weirdly empty so then Ethel hulks up and lifts the portcullis

and they go in and there's like these murder holes and these creatures start attacking them creatures known as denizens of Leng. Creatures that have been harrying them now for a while. Native to the dream plan these denizens of Leng are. And they're apparently in league with the person who captured the

Yellow King. They attack. The group kills them. And that is where we pick up today's adventure. Woo! Take a sip, Troy. You must be parched. I'm exhausted.

That was a lot of talking. You want to take a break? I do. Let's take five. Bye. Bye, boy. Sit down, turkey. Sir. What the? Sir, see if they have bottled water. Do not readmit that man.

Do not readmit that man. Or that woman. Oh, come on. You were joking. What's going on? This is bullshit. It was pandemonium at E-Town Hall in Boulder when several people walked out after a menopause joke.

Other podcasts don't make those kind of jokes. All right, shut up. Let's go to the map, huh? Please. Hey, hey! What's up with the map? Oh, no! Hey!

I did it! It's been like five months. I know. We haven't done this in a while. All right, so what was I going to say? You just finished this fight. Take care, sir. Let's say you search the bodies.

There's three bodies. They all have plus one striking kukris. Dude. Oh, nice. They all have lang rubies. Now, this is great, but you know that you can't take this stuff back into the material plane with you. This has to stay in the dreamlands. But, hey, you're here now.

What happens in the dreamlands? You also find a ring of keys. Sha-ga-ga-ga-goo. Several keys on it. So, what... Is musical theater reference. What do you do? I just clean my throat.

So, Troy, we talked about this and we decided what we'd like to do is drag this to a screeching hall and do healing. You didn't do it offstage? I have it figured out. I already ruled. We figured this out backstage, but I'm telling you the numbers now. I'm doing, and we figured out the math, so nobody say shit.

I'm doing treat wounds on each person. That's six people, including myself. I'm good. What? No, you're fucking on my math. Matthew, let Pythagoras talk. It doesn't matter.

Basically, we figured out six people takes an hour. There's like 10 more minutes and then it's an hour. So I can then treat them again and double up. So basically, we're doing two hours. And I'm going to heal you twice. And then we need three more hours to get up to constant healing.

Because I am messed up! Am I the only one that's messed up? And I want you to know we're going to do this in real time. So this is a role playing session is what you're saying. And there are no refunds. Let me put it this way. Let me put it this way. Five hours. No.

We don't move for five hours. You're gonna hang out for five hours. Yes. It's unrealistic. It is not. It's a dream. It is a... I didn't want to drop the F-bomb so hard. We can't attempt the impossible. It is a dream. We're gonna wait for five hours and heal up. Do you actually want to wait

for five hours? 100%. Are you serious? want to wait for five hours? A hundred percent. Are you serious? A hundred percent. And if we get interrupted by an encounter, by all means. My man. This is not what we talked about at lunch. This is not what we talked about at lunch. It was talk of two hours.

Yeah, we said two hours. Now you're curveballing me. I went to the bathroom during this talk. I have no clue what's going on. That's true. I don't worry in the bathroom. Let me put it to you this talk. I have no clue what's going on. It's true. We're in the bathroom. Let me put it to you this way. If you want to look at the math of it.

I am roughly 65 hit points down. In two hours. I will get about 18 back. Do you want to do this? Five hours is my compromise. Can we just give you a potion or something? Yeah. How about this?

Five hours. Who gives a shit? It's a dream. Five hours. Someone gives a shit? It's a dream. Five hours. Someone can walk in. Sure. Okay. And then we'll have a fight. We're actually going to derail the show to talk about this. This is unbelievable.

We made a point of pre-planning this at lunch. We talked through all of this. So we wouldn't have to do it now. I made a joke. I have all the points. You get seven. You get eight. I can just do it. You're being disrespectful to the plan and to the fiction. I said five hours at lunch. I don't know why anybody didn't hear me.

I don't remember that. I said two. You can spend ten hours. Spend as many hours as you want. Exactly. It doesn't matter. Do you want to do five hours? Yes.

Do you want to average 18 points per person so I don't have to roll a million times? Sure. Can we just mercy kill Atticus? I know. He's so badly wounded. Dude, I believe in you. I'll just crack a cold one and watch you guys play. You'll wake up.

Exactly. You'll be fine. That's what I'm saying. Slit your throat and move on. It's a big deal about five hours. It's not a big deal. Picture it this way. Atticus is on the ground.

I can't believe we're still talking about this. Can't stop bleeding. The only reason we're still talking about it is because people weren't just like, sure, five hours. All right, let me just roll 30d8. The only reason we're still talking about it is because none of you agree with me.

It's going to take a little while to roll 30d8. Let's just wait five hours and hand wave the totals. Perfect. All right, five hours. Everybody's back to take a little while to roll 30d8 Let's just wait five hours and hand wave the totals Perfect Alright five hours everybody's back to full There you go And I don't want to ever talk about this again To think I

Did so much math Alright then I am also Going to In those five fucking hours I am going to sit and burn a bunch of sage around myself and primal scream for ten minutes and get one of my focus spells back.

Do you want to move like half a mile from the lunar prison before you do that? Ah! I didn't know you were that frustrated, Sydney, with all this. To get a focus point back, you have to scream for ten minutes? This is Suki's thing. Yeah. Suki primal screams, lights a bunch

of sage, sets up her crystals and she gets on her hands and knees and she primal screams. Let me get this straight. It's extremely healing. Let me get this straight. I feel like Eris is out there just like watching. Yeah. So you guys are gonna rest for five fucking hours

and then you're going to primal scream in the prison. You're going to stand out in the moon. Like outside. You're going to stand on the surface of the moon and scream. You're used to howling to the moon, but now you're on the moon. Right. I don't even know where to look. You should get double the effect.

Yeah. Troy, what do you think? For Troy's sanity, I walk back through the portcullis, or I walk to the portcullis, it closed, and I scream through the bars. I primal scream holding them, and I get my focus spell back, please. Do whatever you want.

Set off some fireworks. It doesn't matter. There is no fiction anymore. It's a dream. I'm still picturing her shaking the bars of the portcullis. It's like, what is she doing? She quietly walks back in and goes,

Alright. I feel so much better. Let's go. So disturbing. Let's talk about this room here. You have a door to the north. But

there seems to be a lot more going on to the south. You've got a door here which is a jar where the denizens of Lang came out. Are you seeing that room? Yeah. Just a little bit. Well, a little bit. I just revealed it. Do you see any now? I see more.

Wait, slow down. As much as a jar would reveal, but not as much as a door would reveal. There we go. There we go. Oh, boy. What did I even say? I don't know.

Can I search that room during their five hours of gaming? Hold on. Yes. But then there's another room to the south of that, a door that's about ten feet away from Ethel. And then there's a hallway to the south as well that Ethel you can start to see down boop boop boop boop boop okay alright so you want to look down that hallway

yeah you look down that hallway and you see that it ends in a wall or does it or no it ends in a wall okay during their five hour healing primal Or does it? Or, no, it ends in a wall. Okay. During their five-hour healing primal screaming extravaganza,

can I search this room? You want to search that room. The northern of the two rooms. The room to the north. Northern? More north? There's an iron stool lying on the floor next to the door, like maybe it was used to prop the door open at one point. But it's otherwise empty, because the three denizens of Lang that were in there

came out to combat you. You murdered them. There doesn't seem to be anything else of interest within this room. There doesn't seem to be anything else of interest within this room. Once I have my companions back, we can look at this door to the south. Okay, what do you do? Hey, Ethel, where are you going? I don't need healing.

Hey. Oh, hey, Ars. Hey. I was going to go... You're looking in some creepy rooms? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I was gonna go you're looking in some creepy rooms yeah cool and don't forget in the background of this

in the far distance primal screams such romantic ambiance what you think there's something you should know about me. Yeah? I'm a wounded bird inside. Oh, we know.

I know. We know. Yeah, I think that's why I like you. Or, I mean, you're cool. Roll that back. Whatever. Should we open this door? Check it for traps this door? Yeah.

Check it for traps, maybe? Sure. Love is a trap, you know? Maybe we both reach out our hands to check for traps and they bump? Sorry, were you going to check for traps? I'll check for traps. Okay.

I'll do it. Okay. Their hands reaching towards the doorknob together. You kiss me. You kiss Steve. I checked for traps with a bonus, obviously, because of the situation. Let's go. It's a thievery.

Yep. Yeah. Coherce. Shit. I'm way too distracted right now, and I got a 16 total. Doesn't seem to be trapped. It seems fine. You tell me.

100% untrapped. It seems fine, yeah. I'll open the door. It's locked. It's not trapped, though. You have the keys, right? We do have the ring of keys, so can we try the ring of keys on? Sure.

Which key? So embarrassing. The one that looks like it'll fit. So the two of you hold the key ring together and slowly move it. Can I hear that song again? Yeah. The key goes into the lock. You open the door and you see a room identical in size to the other room, but it's dirtier.

Ooh, I love this room. There are six pallets of like a fibrous grayish material lying on the floor. And the pallets are humped together in a way that looks like seats more than beds. Kind of looks like a shitty little lounge. Okay. And there's blood on the floor. Oh, wow. A lot of it.

It's the American Airlines lounge. It's the Delta Sky Lounge. I love to inspect the blood. Okay. Is there a blood roll? No. A blood roll? No. inspect the blood. Okay. Is there a blood roll? No. A blood roll? No.

Roll for blood. Roll for blood. Yeah, roll for blood. What are you rolling? Natural 14. What are you adding to? What number are you adding to that? Are you doing a perception?

What are you doing? Perception. Okay. Sure. So 26. It's blood. That's blood all right. You lick it.

That's blood. Hey, you magic people, can anyone come check this dirty room? But like how did it happen? Is it going anywhere? Is it just like drips? No, it's dry. You kind of get down there with your weird nails and you scrape at it and it's this like just crusty dry blood that looks like it's been there for a couple of days.

It's only dry blood. Don't worry. You also find some scrolls. Oh, interesting. As you're creeping down to scrape at the blood with your dirty old nails, you see, lying under one of these pallets, two scrolls. No one but you knows those scrolls are there. Really?

What do you do? Hmm. So many things. I mean, Ethel is here, and I like him. Mm-hmm. But I'm also Aeris. Right. Maybe I take... Very good, Kate.

Take one of the scrolls. I'm going to take one of the scrolls but then be like, oh look, I found a scroll. You jerk. Okay, I'm going to see which scroll you grab. Okay. Interesting. So you put one

in the folds of your robe and then you say, look, I found a singular scroll. You lying piece of shit. You don't know that. Ethel, can you read, Ethel? Yes, I can read. It has glasses. I didn't know.

What would I need the glasses for? Fine print. I would need it for a Ritme. You look at it, and it's made of arcane symbols. That I can't read? Don't make any sense to you. No glasses in the world can fix you. Can I do just a general perception of the room?

Yeah. Roll my brand new purple cat's eye Norse foundry. Norse foundry. Ooh, 31. 31. You see a lot of dry blood and some dust movement on the floor that looks like two scrolls used to be there. Oh, shit.

Wow. With a 31. The tell to be there. Oh, shit. Wow. With a 31. The telltale signs. Here we go. Trouble in Paradise? It was DC 30. Dude, this is gonna be good. Wait, can I roll a sleight of hand or something? You could've. Oh my god. Do you think...

Do you think those murderers stole one of these scrolls? You mean used? Or used one of those scrolls? Yeah, maybe. That must be what must have happened. Yeah. All right, I see no evidence of any wrongdoing here.

Me neither. Let's keep it moving. Except for the dried blood on the prison floor. Act of God. That could have come from anywhere. That could have come from anywhere. Looks like this crime scene is closed. It's an open and shut case.

It's a low sit down, boys. It's a low sit It's a down boys Alright are we all back together Yeah Suki walks back over She's done Did you find anything interesting Just one scroll because one scroll was stolen Before we got here

Used probably Used murderous horrible people They use scrolls a lot You notice that other guy that casts fireball a lot Maybe they don't know any spells people. They use scrolls a lot. You notice that other guy that casts fireball a lot? Maybe they don't know any spells. Maybe they just use scrolls. That's true. That's true.

Maybe they had like a repository of scrolls. And instead of studying, like they should have done, they just take it out. It's like magical cheating scroll uses. You're absolutely right. Let me see what that one is. And she snatches it from Ethel. Oh, a little Ethel. I was going to say a little Ethel snatch. That's weird.

A little Ethel snatch, eh? All right, roll something to read it. Arcana? Sure. That's going to be a 24. You see the arcane symbols, and you go back into your training when you learned what these symbols meant and you see words

that don't seem like they should go together but all of a sudden they do when you realize it's a scroll of cloud kill. Oh! Whoa! Oh! Uh, I shall tell everybody.

Ooh, this one's really powerful. It's Cloudkill, if you're familiar with the spell. Oh, yes. Aschis, would anyone have use for this? I mean, I could use it. I'm very powerful. Of course we could. I'm really fixated on this other scroll, though.

The what? The missing scroll? The missing one. Yes, it's true. It doesn't make any sense. The scroll, though. The what? The missing scroll. The missing one. Yes, it's true. It doesn't make any sense. The scroll is powerful. It was cloud kill. I recall no spell being cast. Yeah, it's so weird.

During that time, that could possibly have explained the missing scroll. Hmm. And they didn't use any scrolls. We didn't find any on those denizens. No, it was simply spiritual, whatever. Spiritual weapon. It's the a spiritual whatever. Spiritual weapon. It's the only spell. I mean, you can go into the room and look for yourself. Once he's in,

Ethel buries his hatchet in Atticus' chest. And closes the door. I'm kidding. Maybe you can look better than I did. Well, it's probably nothing. No, Eris, you're right. You've become a really dear friend of mine. And your perception is...

I highly regard it. So I trust you implicitly. And Suki looks at her a little bit side-eyed as she turns away. Should we continue on? Yeah, this hallway ends in a wall. Right, let's go. Thank you.

Is it a wall or is there a door? No, it's a wall, but the wall's weird. The wall's weird. The stone of this place is weird, too. Everything looks a little too perfect, a little too... I don't know if anybody has any sort of architectural background, but something is just very strange about it.

Ethel! But it's the dreamlands. Do you have architectural, like, carpentry? Would you know anything? He's built tiny houses. Yeah. It's the same thing. Same basic concepts.

Would you allow me to roll my crafting check? Sure. He's trying to find a stud. Woodworking is exactly like building a house It's like doubling a recipe for a pie That's a natural 18 For a 28 You're like this This is some weird dreamland shit

But this wall in particular That the hallway ends in, it almost looks like a rock. Everything else is very manicured and smooth, but this one is more rough and unfinished. If I examine it, is it corporeal? It's not an illusion.

Touch it, yeah. It feels real. It's hard. Why do you have to say it like that? I guess you could say it's rock hard. Technically. Technically. Okay.

Does your dad like these dirty jokes, kid? Dad, are you enjoying this? Wow, nothing No response from dad Stone cold stare No, son of mine So I didn't say any of this I'm just hitting the buttons

That was not You I didn't say any of this. I'm just hitting the buttons. You gently caress the rock hard wall and nothing seems to happen. It's weird though. It almost feels like it's getting harder. It's just a wall. No.

You said it was a weird wall. This is going to be a fun year. I'll tell you what. I call the others forward. Maybe their superior intellects can help. This doesn't make any sense. A hallway to nowhere. Why?

For what purpose? Atticus will also do a check, a seek action looking for secret doors or anything of that nature. Sweet. Sweet. 22. Yeah. Can I do a nature check?

Sure. Okay. Just because I want to. 35. And I'm touching the rock to find if it's naturally occurring or if it was recently constructed with magic. I could tell the difference.

Right, 35. Yeah, 35. You're a druid. You know nature, and you feel certain that this rock didn't give birth to the lunar prison. That the prison didn't grow up around it. That the rock is in fact

of nature. 35? That's all you know. You're as cold as ice! Women! It's good, Skip. Does it look like we can move it? Uh, Skip. Does it look like we can move it? No.

Anybody else want to roll a perception in there? Yeah, I do. While they're doing that, I'll also do detect magic. Through the walls, see if I detect any magic. No, no magic. 30 perception. Okay. 26. Aldo?

I rolled a natural 20 for 35 perception. Hell yeah! So while all these dummies are staring at the rock, Aldo pushes his way forward and notices something that no one else has noticed, but you don't really know what it means.

Down at the bottom of the wall, where sort of the base of this stone meets the floor, there seems to be like scrape marks. Like very prominent scrape

marks that have been etched right at the sort of point where the rock wall meets the floor. So it's like Rosemary's Baby. With the... With the dresser in the water? The dresser, yeah. Ah!

That's a good... La la la la. So this has been... Something has scraped the surface here. Is anyone a Roman Polenski fan? No. I'm going to see if there's like any way, like the nature, where these scratch marks might have come from. If my theory is correct or not.

Okay. Should I roll something? Yeah, sure. Why don't you give me a roll with your intelligence bonus. Let's just do a straight up basic intelligence, see if you can figure this out. I'm actually going to roll this brand new

die that my nephew Sinclair picked out for me because he said it looked very dragon-y and it does look very dragon-y. Okay. That's a great thank you, Sinclair. That was a natural 17. That is a 21.

Great. I mean, there might have been a skill that would be more effective here, but this is just you using your superior intellect to try and figure out what is going on here. And what you discover, it seems like that this wall can shift.

But there's no apparent mechanism to make it shift. You see Ethel touching it and feeling it and it doesn't seem like he can move it or anyone can move it, but it does seem like the wall shifts. It's like there are pocket doors somewhere.

I'm talking to Skid right now. So, that's what you get out of that. Matthew, did you have a question? No, I'm good, thanks. Wait, Skid, can you ask Troy, did you see any scrapes on the walls as well, or was it just on the floor? Troy, apropos of nothing.

Thank you. Did I see any scrapes on the wall? No. Or was it just on the floor? Just on the floor. Just on the floor. Yeah. Did you hear that, Sydney?

Yeah, I was getting real Lara Croft Tomb Raider vibes, and I was like, oh, it's a trap. Oh, it's going to come toward us, but I don't think that anymore. You can tell Troy that if you want. Okay. No, he doesn't need to know that. I've moved on. Can I try to roll the rock to the side in the direction of the scrapes? Yeah, it doesn't work. Maybe there's a...

It seems like this wall is meant to move. Maybe there's a trigger or some sort of mechanism in another part of the building. You think? You've explored as far as you think you can go at this point. There are two other directions that you haven't explored.

There's obviously this door to the nith, just past these dead denizens of Lang. And then also there was that door, the double set of doors past the mess hall that was locked of course now you have keys

that's different but that's also complicated because if you look back up here you went in this side door there was like a pantry and then there was a grate with a funnel that looked like liquids were being passed through and so the only way you could get from the pantry to the kitchen area was by,

didn't you like turn into a mouse or something? I can't remember what you did. A lizard. A lizard, that was cute. And you scuttled in there and then you came out. That might be tricky to get all of you in there, but you still have this door to the north as well. Yeah, maybe we have to go around whatever this rock is.

Yes, let's go to this door in the north. Door to the north. Door to the north! Who approaches the door? I'll go first. Ethel, no. Okay. He steps aside. I was just joking.

Go ahead, Ethel. By all means, Ethel. My employer, I do what you tell me. I was just joking go ahead that's all by all means my employer I was just a test to do past flying colors I'll check I'll check it for traps

okay give me a perception check 32 doesn't seem to be trapped is it locked it is okay we'll use the ring of keys click link it opens seem to be trapped. Is it locked? It is. Okay, we'll use the ring of keys. Click, clink.

It opens. Ooh. Alright, let's talk about this room. There's a few iron stools in here. you saw the same iron stool in that other room that was maybe used to prop that door um and the stools are set up right near arrow slits that look out like more murder holes that look into that kill room that you first came in. So you think, oh, okay, they must station guards in that southern

room and guards in this room. But there are no guards here. Because we killed them. Because you killed them. But did you? You killed the guards in the room to the south? Or they just happened to be on a break together in that room? Who knows?

But there are no guards in this room. Is this a wall up to the northeastern corner, or is that... It is not. It is open. I'm just slowly revealing this. Oh, God. Because you see around the corner a staircase leading up.

Oh! Hey! Ooh! It's a nice-looking staircase. Shit. They must be hiding something very good up there. Yes. The higher the prize, the greater the treasure. I've heard that before.

Have you? Shall we? Yes. After you, Ethel. Be careful. Watch your step. Suki follows behind Ethel so we got Ethel

then we got Suki and Pepsi and Pepsi don't forget Pepsi and Pepsi yes that useless snake alright so Ethel

Suki Pepsi then Eris Atticus Aldo yep I don't know why do you want to know?

Seems very detailed for no reason. Sometimes I need some casual walking upstairs. Oh, no! Just walking upstairs. I'm in my place. I was there first. Your neck mouth. I touched it By accident

No you didn't It's closed Stop It's not open all the time Stop talking Sorry We're in a stairwell Sorry

Be quiet I'm just sick of people Talking about my neck mouth Then cover it up Like it's something new Eric just cover it up By a scarf Why don't you fix the way me

By an ascot Ask him to cover up Ask him to stop I will turn this party around Oh now you've really done it That's it Back to Winnipeg Off the moon

Off the moon Bag zoom Off the moon Alice I thought you all were mature enough for the moon Apparently I was wrong. God, it cuts deep. It's real. Alright, go to work, Ethel.

What's at the top here? Slow down. You start walking up the stairs. Slow down. You move too fast. Got to make that cocaine last day. Alright. You move too fast. Got to make that cocaine last day. All right. You walk up the stairs.

You start walking up the stairs. And you have this very ominous feeling. Kind of enter your loins. No. No. No. And you all feel it. No.

Ominous. It's ominous. It's bad. It's not sexy. I'm sorry. What do you have for ominous loin music? No, no. And you all feel it. No. Ominous. Ominous. It's bad. It's not sexy. I'm sorry. What do you have for ominous loin music? Ominous. Ominous and sexy.

Ominous loin. That is so sexy. Oh, I know. I got the perfect thing. There it is. You. Let me get you some more sounds. Yeah.

I only have 64 buttons here. You start going up the stairs, and something doesn't feel right. You almost hear... You hear something up there, right? But then you hear a voice in your mind. My mind? In your mind, Ethel.

And the voice is like, Has that upstart piper above the cell blocks attacked yet? I hear that alone. You and you alone. And what am I looking at, a door? You're just walking to the top of the stairs before you get to the top. You just hear this voice in your head as you're walking up the top of the stairs. What are you waiting for? To the top, you just hear this voice in your head as you're walking up the stairs.

Has this upstart piper above the cell blocks attacked yet? I'm hearing a voice in my head. Before you ask, no, it's not my ex-wife's. What does it say? It says, has that upstart piper above the cell blocks attacked yet? Upstart piper? Where are the cell blocks? What's a piper?

I mean in this context. You hear another voice. What are you waiting for? Answer me. No. What? No, that was my No. What? No, that was my answer. What?

What are you saying no for? You know the upstart piper had not attacked yet? I had a 50-50 shot at getting it right. Is it safe? It's a time-honored strategy I use to take tests in school. Narrow down to two options and guess. I thought you should try thinking no. Okay, right, yes.

I think hard. No. Do you continue forward? Yes. Let's go to the map. Let's go to the new map. No. Oh.

Oh, what? Oh, you. I think I got this party order correct-ish. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah. Great. Love it. It's a 10-foot-wide stair, John.

No, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a stone. Oh, no, no. Yeah. Great. Love it. It's a 10-foot-wide stair, John. Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a stone. Oh, no, no. He's back. He's back. He's back. I'm sorry.

I panicked. You come up the stairs, and you turn the corner floor of this room a round frayed rug of like a hideous chartreuse color. Looks like a rug made out of piss. Just sitting in the center of the room. Oh man.

Can we unpack that a minute? Nope. What color is your pee? Nope, it's a piss rug. Are you okay? Within... Is the rug the color of piss or is it made out of piss? Those are two very different things. Is your pee green? You can examine the rug later.

You did say it was chartreuse. I did say chartreuse. It's piss chartreuse. Maybe St. Patrick's Day. What should we paint the baby's room? Do you have like a piss chartreuse color? Something that's

quite fully chartreuse. Like a little bit of human piss. Well, we don't want to know what the gender is yet. So let's go neutral. Let's just go piss chartreuse. Piss. Piss chartreuse is a beautiful name for a baby. Ah, yes. Piss chartreuse. Piss Chartreuse is a beautiful name for a baby. Ah, yes.

Piss Chartreuse. What's my grandmother's name? I'll name it after your grandmother and my grandfather. Piss Chartreuse. I'm not naming my son Piss Chartreuse Lavallee. Where are we? All right. It doesn't look like a rug we're familiar with because we've had...

No, this is a new rug. It looks like piss. This is not like my piss rug at home. This is different. This is no ordinary piss rug. I will tell you, it really ties the room together. There's an alcove on the east wall. on the east wall and

within that alcove there's a large lever surmounting an enormous contraption of like thick gears that are bolted to the floor. That's in an alcove. It's like a big fucking lever. There's a metal door standing along the south wall

just past the piss rug. However, floating above the rug Just past the piss rug. However, floating above the rug is a creature of some sort. Kind of looks like a cross between a slug and a skinless

frog. That's a very clear picture. I understand the piss rug now. No! That doesn't look like either of those things. That makes sense. There it is. That looks like a naked, muscly, octopus baby man.

It's like if you described a tardigrade to a toddler and they drew their own horrible version. What the fuck? That's exactly what it is. And as Ethel, you turn the corner, it turns towards you, and the tentacles on its face just like slurp out and extend toward you.

Roll for initiative. Oh, baby! Let's go, Boulder! Let's go, Boulder! Roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with the roll with Aldo, what'd you get? I got a 25. 25! Good start, Atticus. 29.

Slightly better. Ethel? 24. Much worse. Damn it. Suki? Just a filthy, dirty 20. Oh!

I know. They're all a four. Dirty 20. All right. Eris? Got a lady's 15. Oh,is? Got a lady's 15. Oh, wow. And a lady's 15

for the flesh warp witch. I, of course, rolled higher than all of you. Of course. Obviously. Goes without saying. Even though you heard a voice in your mind, you could all hear that slurping sound. It's mad.

It's like, these things are flying out. And all of a sudden, something goes right into your mind, Matthew. Oh, no. And I'm going to need you to roll a save, but here's the problem. Oh. Last episode. Oh, no! Last episode, Matthew fumbled.

And, of course, we went to our Patreon tier fumble, John, where a subscriber wrote the fumble. I can't remember what it was called, but the general gist of it was that... I think it was Joe's Gonna Roll. I think it was Joe's Gonna Roll. Yeah. Joe had to roll the next 1D4 rounds of Matthew's character. And the fight ended after one round.

So I said that it would carry over to the first two rounds of the next combat, which happens to be right now. So, Joe, I'd like you to roll a will save. Let's go, Joe! For Matthew's character. I got you. Mile high, Joe! Mile high, Joe! Let's get this!

Let's help Matthew! Here we go, baby! Troy wants to see it! He wants to see it! He wants to see it! Was it a one? Could be worse. What's your bonus? Plus 14. Then that is a dirty 20.

What's for giggles? I rolled a dirty 20. What's for giggles? I rolled a natural 20. Don't waste those. Wait, wait, wait. What did you roll? Hero point. No. No, no, no.

What'd you roll? I rolled a 20. That's a critical fail. Oh, no! On the spell, dominate! No! Not Ethel. Ethel is dominated!

Oh, my God. Oh, no. This is amazing. This keeps happening to him. Oh, no. You are dominated. You gain the controlled condition. You get a will save only if I ask you to do something against your nature. If I tell you to just go make me a sandwich, that's not against your nature.

You make sandwiches for me all the time. Whittle me a wooden sandwich. Whittle me a wooden sandwich. You weirdo. Why would you do that? You are dominated by this creature. That does look like a piss rug, doesn't it? It does.

It's really just a rug. It's just piss. It dominates you, and then it slides to the back corner of the room. And now, it is Atticus's turn. Atticus, you see up ahead of you, Ethel had been sort of leading this charge up into the next room

and started talking to himself and then telling you something about an upstart piper. And then all of a sudden you see Ethel just like turn and there's no there there. Oh God, this is horrible is horrible oh it's so horrible um all right uh i feel like i could have gone a couple different ways ethel yeah i feel like ethel might hurt me very soon uh but i think that would be against my nature. Yeah, but I have to roll your will save for that, so I think

you're going to hurt me very soon. Just one more. The last time this happened, we did talk about a workaround for this. If there's only... I mean, if he's going to take me down, he's going to take me down, but I'm not going to go out without a fight. Atticus is just going to

run past everybody, into the room, turn to whatever horrible thing this is and before all of his allies start swarming around and into the room he's just going to pull out he's going to bring up his hands start casting an incantation and a swirling writhing icicle of john of coal just starts building up and then he blasts a cone of cold at this motherfucker. If I'm going to go down,

I'm using my fifth level spells. That is a, I don't know, reflex save? Reflex save, I would imagine, to duck out of the way

of the cone of cold. Nat 2. Oh, yeah! Get the Google. What's the yeah! Get the Google. What's the total? Get the Google. My line 2! What's the total?

My line 2! My line 2! My line 2! All right. I'm going to pass out. I get a bonus to that save, so it's going to be a 21. Can't have a high reflex. That is a critical fail.

Yeah! Critical fail. Critical fail. Critical fail. Critical fail. Critical fail. It's not a critical fail. So I got excited by the moment.

Okay. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. Plus 19 to reflex? That's pretty good. You like that? For a big slob monster. That's a pretty good reflex.

Alright, sorry. I'm rolling now. It's so much damage I can't do it by hand. 44 points of damage. Oh my god. Your hands outstretch and the cold covers this awful slug frog creature.

And he seems to be completely unaffected by it. What? It's not like you completely wasted your fifth level spell. Yeah. Hi. Jim. Ham.

You almost get the sense that he's immune to cold. I'm getting that sense. That's that general feeling that you get. I'm getting that sense. It's completely unaffected. I don't know what to do. It's Aldo's turn. Ethel, you're on deck, which means Joe, you're on deck.

Which means Troy, you're on deck. Which means Troy, you're on deck. But who's on first? Who's on first? What's on second? Aldo, what do you do? Aldo's going to dot out. What's going on out there?

And he's going to run out between Ethel and Atticus, but he doesn't know what's happened to Ethel at this point. He's going to take a good close look at this dumb tardigrade and he's going to do a knowledge check to see

if he can identify any weaknesses of it. Yes. Is there a skill that would be most propitious for me to use? I think you could roll a cult here. A cult? I happen to have a cult. I know you do.

I can roll it! There we go. That is a 30. That is a 30. That is a 30 and a cult. It's quite good. It's a creature known as a moon beast. Should have known. It's a moon beast.

All right, 30 is pretty good. You want to know weaknesses. Here's what I'm going to tell you. They're immune to cold. Right. They're immune to anything that requires sight. Visual things. And you look at it as you see it. You don't see any discernible

eyes in the folds of its tentacles. It's like mirror image would be useless. Useless. Most of Joe's skills. Yeah. This illusionist. I think I'm going to use the restroom and not come back. Do I get to roll my own dice then? One thing at a time.

All right. Now, you want to know if it has any weaknesses. You rolled a 30. That's pretty high. No weaknesses, but it does have some resistances to piercing, slashing, and precision. It's a pretty hefty creature. You're telling me the only thing that would have gotten through is bludgeoning, but my hammer is now on the side of the creature?

Yes. Or in Joe's hands. Equally dangerous. Okay. Right. Okay. So he, well, all right. I intend to shout all of that out in non-narrative breaking language.

Yes. And I am going to... He's just like, ah, I know what this thing is. It's a bloody moon beast. And I'm going to throw an acid flask at it. Ooh. Lovely. Oh, yeah.

That is a natty 18. That is a 35 to hit. That is a 35 to hit. That is a hit. Okay. All right, that is... Oh, actually, no. Okay, that's four... No, wait.

Sorry, that is five damage right now. Okay. And then it will have 2d6 persistent damage on it. 2d6. I'll put a little acid John there. 2d6 persistent at the end of his turn. You moved.

You threw. Any other actions? Oh, and you did knowledge. I moved. Knowledge check. Threw. That was it. Skidamarinky do.

It is Ethel's turn. And I choose what to do. And I am going to have you attack Suki. Now, you will get your will save at the end of your turn, but I'm going to have all three actions be you attacking Suki.

And I'm going to have Joe roll all three of those attacks. And I guarantee he's going to cut her head off with a powerful blade. No, it wouldn't be at the end because it's against his nature. I don't get the will save at the end of those attacks. And I guarantee he's going to cut her head off with a powerful blade. The will serve is not at the end of the turn. No, it wouldn't be at the end because it's against his nature. I don't get the will save at the end of the turn. That goes away.

I will be interpreting the dominate spell. Failure is you control the target. It gains a control condition, but it can attempt a will save at the end of each of its turns. Yes, read now. Critical failure. As failure. What else do I need to read? But. Yes, read now. Critical failure. As failure.

What else do I need to read? But. It literally says as failure, but. The target receives a new save. Only. So I don't get the one at the end of the turn. That is taken away. No, you get the, we've had this discussion before.

Yes, I know, and I convinced you that you were wrong. No, no. The way that it says a new order. Yes. So if you gave it two orders in one turn that were both different, that were against its nature, you would get two will saves. Because I'm not interested in your interpretation, Matthew. He's not interested in the rules of standard

English grammar. Basically, if I told you to go make a ham sandwich, you don't get a save. If I say, hey, climb up that wall, you don't get a save. If I say, kill Suki, you get a save at the end of your turn. Please roll his attacks. Alright, it's coming at you hard, Sook. That's fine.

I can take it. Here we go. But she's also like, Ethel, what the fuck? What are you doing? He just turned. Describe what he does. Like hammer, yeah.

Double slice. What does it look like to Sook? Yeah. I mean, I'm using all three actions. So yeah, double slice with the warhammer and the scimitar. Dude, if he flinzes you. Oh, you should be more concerned that I behead her. Yes. Vorpal. Oh, slice with the warhammer and the scimitar. Dude, if he flinzes you. Oh, you should be more concerned that I behead her. Yes, Vorpal is a Vorpal scimitar.

That's why this rule interpretation matters. I swear, if you kill my other character, if I die again at a live show, that's it. This is so amazing. I'm done. That's it. This is so amazing. I'm done. That's it.

And you're rolling it. That's the best part. This is the worst part. Dude. All right. I'm going to roll a nat 20. Joe rolling a nat 20. Imagine.

All right, you have to choose because he's got the double slice. There's two dice, right? One's the vorpal blade and one is the warhammer. I am so wrong. It's so inferior. It's not, man. It's dominate. It's a sixth level spell. It's so inferior. It's not, man. It's Dominate. It's a sixth level spell.

It's Aru. Here we go. We literally have had this conversation. I'm rolling two dice. Which dice is which? The big one is the Vorpal. Which is what? A kookery?

Or the thingy? The scimitar. The scimitar. I didn't know it was called that. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Natural one.

Oh! Suck in, LaValley! Suck it! My life's out! My life's out! Natural one! Yeah! This die is such garbage, that's why I rolled it.

Is that the Vorpal? Is that the Vorpal weapon? No, the Vorpal one got a natural 12 on the die. For a total of 30, I'm guessing. 31. 31. So you do get a hit, but not two hits, and you critically fumble. And a fumble.

Yeah. Natural one. Do we pull a fumble? Oh, we have to pull a fumble. We gotta pull a fumble. Joe rolls your dice for the next three live shows. Okay. We have from Logan in Denver, Colorado.

Any luck? Yeah! Yeah! Logan! Logan's in row two for our audio audience. Here we go. The Curse of the Bambino. Does that sound like yours?

I don't know about that. Okay. Different Logan. Any other Logans? Any other Logans in the house tonight? Stop it! Also second row. Also second row.

Very confusing. The Curse of the Bambino. One poor decision from your past comes back to haunt you. Oh, my God. That is perfect. You know what it was? The last time you misinterpreted this spell. You literally, literally, the episode ended,

and I was like, Troy, look at the grammar of the sentence. And he said, oh, I guess you're right. I never said that. Yes, he did. Trust me. I've looked this up. Troy would never say that. All right.

Let me continue reading here here because this is amazing. Maybe it was not resting because Matthew wanted to get just one more encounter for the sake of roleplay. This feeling of incompetency leaves you fumbling. Your attack misses. You gain the clumsy condition for three rounds. Yes! Perfect! This condition can be removed early by using three actions to right yourself.

Oh my God. So yeah, I mean, amazing. Amazing! You're screwed! You're screwed! Amazing. You could still nap 20 on that third attack. So the 31 did hit, so your damage...

Yeah, so what's the normal damage to the suit? It's 2d6 plus 6 for the scimitar. You're rolling that, though, right? Oh, shit. Is Joe rolling all, though, right? Or is Joe rolling all of it? Doing all the math. That is 13 points of damage. Okay, and then one more attack. And then one more attack with the garbage natural one die.

What would you use, Matthew, if it was an enemy? What's your gut tell you? It's a plus 9 for the vorpal blade. Nat 20. Nat 20. Nat 20. Nat 20. I thought I was out of the woods. Cut her head off. I swear to God. It's a natty 17.

It's a 28. 28. I'm sorry, 26. 26. Just eight. So actually, this is because the scimitar has the forceful property. It's now 2d6 plus 8. Oh, 2d6 plus 8.

That is 13. Again, points of damage. And for the last roll that you'll be making for Matthew, now, as written in the rules, you can roll the will save. You're going to roll the garbage die again. I mean, why not? Let's see what happens. It's due. It's due!

Well, that's a 12. A natural 12? Natural 12. 26. Nope. That's weird. Oh, I see. So it's going to be 27. 27. That is just a failure. Not a critical failure.

So you're still controlled, but now you get a will save at the end of your turn regardless of what I have you do. Instead of the more horrible condition of a critical failure, which I did completely correctly. People who read the English language write in. It's more dramatic if I have to roll a will save every time. It's more dramatic if you just say yes to the GM.

I can only go so far with idiocy. You're a college professor. I'm sure you can go farther than that. Especially in this day and age. Suki, you're up! Free action. I slap Ethel. That is a free action.

That is free. 1d4 damage. No. Not lethal?. 1d4 damage. No. Not lethal? No, it's lethal. I can actually behead people when I slap them, which is weird. It's a vorpal hand. Suki... No, Suki is trying...

Oh, I have my thing on. Suki is trying to get as far away from Ethel. She's not dumb. She yells out to the party, Something's happened to Ethel! He attacked me! He's crazy! Kill him! Kill him!

Atticus turns to you and he's like I've been waiting for this. Now's our chance! And she gets really dark. Suki runs away next to Atticus and she is going to use from this angle,

can I use Atticus as cover if I'm where I am? You know, this is what our lunch was about. Joe was like, let me tell you guys about taking cover. No, you cannot use Atticus. He's a tiny little mouse. He's a rat. Rat man. Rat man.

Rat man. That man. Rat man. That's fine. I'm just going to run there, and then I'm going to cast Fireball. Oh! Yeah! You immune to fire too, bro? All right, here comes my reflex save. Natural 20.

On a brand new die from Norse Foundry. I can't even think of anyone less fun to play with. We ruin everything. What's the number? It doesn't matter. 39. It's a big number.

It sure is. Okay, so just stand there. My turn's over. And we're convinced now it's also immune to fire. Yeah, it's like, it must be immune to fire. It's immune. Yeah, she yells out, it's also immune to fire.

Oh, no. It can be done. Run, run, run. That wildly dexterous moon beast is immune to fire and cold. Eris, take it home. Save us. Did you say that there was a bludgeoning object on the ground? No.

You did! I'm sure there is. You said that Ethel dropped some bludgeoning object. Yes, there is. There's a lead pipe. And you said that this beautiful creature... Wait a minute. Before I continue on with attacking my friend,

I'm being weighed down by this lead pipe. Let me just put this here. I'm just going to unburden myself before I continue. There's a lead pipe. Alright, cool. So I'm going to move

around the corner. First action. Reorient myself. And then use my last two actions to cast. Let me grab my chicken feet. Okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, we know. Spirit objects.

Yeah. Chicken poop. Chicken poop. Chicken poop. Hold on. Chicken. Chicken pipe. Are you doing chicken pipe?

Chicken pipe. Chicken pipe. Why am I looking for you doing chicken pipe? Chicken pipe. Chicken pipe. Why am I looking for a pawn chicken pipe? I have that. I start typing chicken pipe. Fucking Italian. So yeah, that pipe gains the means of locomotion with chicken legs and can stride right up to this thing. Tardigberg.

And, um... That's what they said. Attack it! Okay. Attack me with your chicken pipe. Alright. I can't find a good pipe. There's one. That's more like a plumbing pipe, I think. There it is. It's mad.

I need a melee attack roll against the creature. Sick. Natural four. Oof. Sick. Natural four. Sweet. Chicken pipe swings wildly. Guarantee that doesn't hit. But it makes for a good show. And that's it.

Yeah, that's two actions to make it walk up to you and then try to hit and then just crumble to dust, I guess, is what happens at the end. Is that the end of round one? That's the end of round one. We've done nothing. Yeah. Really?

No, it's got a little icon next to it. It does? Aldo did something. Yeah. Yes. It slides up. It's floating in the air, by the way. Slides up.

It's floating? It's going to blast past your chicken pipe. And that's its first action. slides up. It's floating? Past your chicken pipe. And that's its first action. Its second action is to attack Eris with a tentacle. One of the tentacles lashes out

and tries to strike you. Natural one. Yes! With me on three! Yay! Fuck! with me on green. Yes. Fuck. That is so shitty if you knew what I knew.

I love it. This one's from Spenny and the Jets. Spenny and the Jets. From Colorado Springs, Colorado. Anybody? Spenny? Where my Logan's at? Where my Logan's at?

Where my Logan's at? Oh, more like Rogans. Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's a trap. It's almost like the atmosphere is begging for a trap. You're thinking it's a pretty damn sophisticated trap utilizing some technology you didn't know they had. For 1d4 plus one rounds, you must spend one action per round using the seek action to search for traps. Wow.

If you happen to find a trap, your paranoia has paid off, and you take a plus 2 on disabled device checks, blah, blah, blah. A successful will save reduces the duration by 1 round, and a critical success negates the effect entirely. Wow. My will save is a 29.

So that's a success, which means you would reduce it by one round Okay And what was the total rounds? It's 1d4 plus 1 So 1d4 So you basically lose an action every round Lose an action for 1d4 One round

I rolled it in front of you because I knew it was going to be one I wanted you to be sad I have one attack left and I will tentacle you again And this time One round. I rolled it in front of you because I knew it was going to be a one. I wanted you to be sad. I have one attack left, and I will tentacle you again. And this time, it will be the die that just rolled a nat 20. Now it rolled a nat 4. However, your AC is not great. 24 to hit.

Taking shots. Miss. Miss. Yeah! Miss. Miss. Yeah! Now I take the persistent acid damage. I will roll a flat check, which I failed. Okay. You take six points of acid damage. Nice. Slowly

burn you out. And now it is Atticus's turn. Okay. I think this will be equally difficult, but Atticus is going to fall back behind Suki. Can he use Suki to take cover?

He's going to fall back behind Suki and cast around her at the creature, Enervation. Let's see if you can dance with the negative energy beast! Yeah! How dare you! Fortitude save, which I'm sure is really low. How dare you! Alright, fortitude save. Here we go. Got a pretty

decent fort, and I rolled a, ah, fuck. Natural 20. 40? Jesus. Unaffected. Is 40 enough for your shitty spell? It must be so fun to be you every day. Was that a critical

success? Yes, it's a critical success. What's above critical? I think I got that. Enjoy the rest of the show. Look what you've done. Was that all three of your stupid actions? Yep. Okay. It is Aldo's turn. All right, Aldo.

It looks like this creature pissed himself. It does. We've got him on the run. He's scared. And, like, slipped a table off to the side. Eris, you've got to demoralize him. Be like, you pissed yourself. It's embarrassing.

You're right. I should embarrass him in front of his friends. Joe, can you change the mute? I'm on it. You're right. I should embarrass him in front of his friends. Joe, can you change the mute? I'm on it. Oh, well. Aldo, what do you do? Aldo is going to fish through his bandolier of bombs. Troy has just taken Joe's chair, and he's throwing it.

He's just putting it in the wings of the stage. It's gone. It's gone. This is a hilarious prank, actually. This is fun. If you're listening at home, we have a lot of fun live. You should come see a show. Wait, wait.

Let me put a dick on his screen. What do you do, Al? I would love to throw a bottled lightning at the creature to make it flat-footed, but I'm out. And I would not want to use one of my quick alchemy bonus things to do right now. Exactly. So instead, I am going to throw,

he fishes out of his bandolier, a blight bomb. Ooh. You've used one of these before, I feel like. I have. This is a pretty cool thing. Okay. Let's see if I can hit it. That is a 25 to hit.

25's a miss. Yeah. It's a very high AC, even though it has a... It's large. It is. Okay, so that is... Yeah, that is four points of splash damage to it only. And with the... Yeah, I think I'm going to...

So he's going to dart back behind the wall, like down the stairs. Yeah. And take cover. And take cover. And take cover. Okay. All right, so you use the take cover action. It's going to be a bonus to your AC in case he does some sort of like AOE spell that blasts around the corner. Smart.

Okay. Now, it is Ethel's turn. Now, here's the thing, Matthew. You and I go way back. Right now, you're just a failure. You're not a critical failure. I control you. That's turn. Now here's the thing, Matthew. You and I go way back. Right now, you're just at failure. You're not at critical failure. I control you. You gain the controlled condition.

You get a will save at the end of your turn. Regardless of what I tell you to do. That's correct. Wouldn't you think critical failure would be fucking worse? Yes, you're misinterpreting the worstness. I'm not. Because you could say, Ethel, we will discuss this at home. Go take a ride on the dinosaur.

And I would never get to roll that will save. Ever. I get that. Ever. I get that. But it's dominate. It's not ride a dinosaur. Which is a third level spell. You could say, Ethel, go get dominated by that dinosaur.

And I would be like, that is in my nature. You should roll a real save for that. We're learning so much about Ethel's psyche. Is that against your nature? Getting dominated by a dinosaur? Yeah. No, I think it's perfectly in his nature. Joe's back, by the way, for people listening.

Welcome back. It's going to be the same height kneeling as you are sitting. Where did you get a chair? Everything's the same here. The good thing about me at my age and my weight is that kneeling doesn't hurt at all. And I can do it for hours and hours. And it's not like you've had multiple knee surgeries.

I haven't had three knee surgeries on my right knee or anything. We oversold, and we needed to give the chair to the audience. I made Sydney feel bad. She was like, oh, the poor senior citizen. Better get him a chair. It's her good deed for the day. I can hear his knees creaking

as he got on the ground. Those knees are very expensive to maintain. If I put a mic up to it, half the audience would throw up. If they heard my knee bend. That's why he gets $249,000 a year. Just for knee surgeries. Ethel, for this round

I would like you to attempt to kill Atticus Okay So that's gonna be a stride Oh, notice he doesn't fight back now Not arguing now Because we're at failure

This is how this spell works Yeah Does Joe still roll for me or am I rolling for myself? You now have earned back the privilege. Did you say am I rolling for myself? You've earned back the privilege. Okay. Green die will be the scimitar.

Double slice. Double slice. I rolled a natural 20. Wait, not with a scimitar. On the Warhammer. Not in the scimitar. Wait, you're clumsy. I am clumsy.

You are. Yes. Well, the natural 20. But you have that on and everything? I have it checked. The scimitar, though, is a natty 16. I'm going to get a flens. That's a 35.

I can't Flens. I had to move to you. Oh, okay. Is a 35 a critical success? No. Alright, so a crit and a regular hit. And he's a named character. A crit and a regular hit. His name is coming in hot. Tim Kruger from Arvada,

Colorado. Tim! Timmy! Second row! Two guys over from Logan 1! Dude, you're friends with Broken? By the way, it is Arvada. So sorry. Not from here.

All right, this one is hit them hard. Do you remember writing this? You hit your target so well. You know what, Tim? God damn it. They are distracted. Which is really rough for a spellcaster.

The target makes a will save. On a stick. Here we go. Will save. Oh, that's... Hey. Yeah. Trying to figure out what we said the DC is.

I think it should be on class dc it's class dc yeah so that would be for willow be a 30 which is higher than your class so that's a success let's see what happens on a success on a success uh tim doesn't remember what it is. No, there's just... Okay. That's it. That's it. Nothing happens then, right?

Yeah. It's just on the failure. Everything happens on failures. Yeah. So double damage. So just double damage. Wait, we should let Tim rewrite this. Tim, you want to rewrite this?

You want to rewrite this live? All right, well, you wrote the will save. You saved on it, so it... It says failure, deal double damage, and make another attack against the target, but on a success, you bypass it. All right, so that could have been a little worse. So 31 points of damage from the Warhammer. There's another one.

You never do that to enemies! Yes, I do. When I crit. Yes, I do. When I crit. And that'll be... 17 points of damage on the scimitar. Oh, man.

Okay, Atticus. I'm glad we took those five hours earlier. I'm telling you, those five hours put me at about 70% of my hit points. So I am on my way out. It's also, it's hilarious because when we were talking about healing, Matthew was like, well, I have battle medicine.

And I'm like, yeah, save that for combat. Unusable now. Will not heal us. Correct. Unless you... Unless the creature thinks it'd be interesting. We got some hit points now. Heal the pen with your hit attacks. This would be amusing.

Watch as I toy with these mortals. Now, heal him. What? Heal him and then hit him again. Now, you get your will save. Natural five. So that's a 20. That's a critical failure.

So let me tell you how critical failure works for Dominate. Everything we just did, except you get the will save if I tell you to fight. Yeah, they agree. What you just said is correct. That was another Logan. Let's hear it for Logan 3. Logan 3 in the house. That one was a lady.

Everyone, it's a... Dave Logan is a very popular figure in the state. It makes sense. A lot of children were named after him and probably sired by him. Logan 1 is fielding a lot of questions right now. I never knew my dad. I'm trying to watch the show.

I'm going to text my mom real quick. It's a big CU fan. Yeah, mom, have fun. They mentioned my name and my buddy Tim's, but can we talk about my dad? Suki, you're up. Wow us with your insignificant turn. Son of a...

Suki is over it. Nothing has happened in these rounds. Let's go, true. And Sailor Moon-style transition. Her clothes tear away from her. You see a silhouette of her body and she turns into a giant dinosaur. Yes. What? Yes.

It's dino time. I hope you prepared an ankylosaurus. Oh, I mean, I definitely did. It's the one with all the spikes. Thank you. Do-do-do. It's the one with all the spikes and the spiky tail.

You're Googling. Yeah, no, I got something. Okay. I'll work it out. It's like a cool looking dinosaur. Yeah, I'm going to make it look really cool. I believe you. Okay, I'll just do this real quick here. Uh-huh. Yeah, make that a TIFF file. She turns.

Well, you know what? I'll just... It's amazing how fast he's doing this. Honestly, no, it is. Truly, it is. I throw him a lot of animals. So I'm gonna turn into an Ankylosaurus. Just delete the background.

That's nice. And they do only bludgeoning damage. That's too bad. And when I turn into it, I'm large, in charge, and I take a big old swing with my tail. Okay. Let's see if you're ready here. Just going to roll that.

Definitely not. Swing roll that. Definitely not. Swing. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Was that what you were thinking? Yeah. Oh, stop making it into weird dimensions.

Yeah, you're squeezing the ratio. Hi, everybody. Oh! Oh, hi. Oh, hi. Oh, hi. Sorry. Coming through.

Excuse me. Coming through. Oh, pardon me. It is a toy stegosaurus. Excuse me. That has been smushed into such unnatural dimensions it could cause nightmares. Yeah. Pardon me.

Yeah, this is like my Toy Story version. This is what I turn into, and I'm like, hi! Oh, hi! Hey, there! Oh, this is so awkward. Watch out! And I swing my tail. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That's the voice of every Ankylosaurus. It is, it is. Oh, I'm sorry. That's the voice of every Ankylosaurus. Sorry. That's a 27. I don't know my own strength. 27 is a miss. I'm a dinosaur now. If I wasn't so tall.

Oh no. Is that your whole turn? Yes. Stop being so mean to everybody. I'm a spellcaster. It takes me two actions to turn into him. That was fun. You did great.

No, that was great. Don't listen to him. You turned into a fearsome dinosaur. Let me just make him even more weird. I'm also leaving. I almost want to bring back the meanness at the top of the show because I feel like it got out of your system. True.

It's Eris's turn. Where are you going? Oh, okay. Troy's taking Sydney's chair now and removing it from the stage. Oh. Oh, literally giving it to the crowd. I mean...

I mean... Wait, where did his chair go? It is an illusion. There was never a chair in the first place. Aris, what are you doing? I am so sick of magic tricks. They were doing magic tricks during lunch today, and it was so infuriating.

Anyway. What the fuck? Troy found his chair, and a replacement chair for Cindy, for those listening at home. A tall stool. Yes. I'm exhausted.

Oh, my God. I'm really winded. This is what you do in CrossFit? Anyway. What are you doing. Oh, my God. I'm really winded. This is what you do in CrossFit? Anyway. What do you do? Oh, shit. Oh, damn. Wow. How dare you?

Was it that offensive? All right. No, seriously. I'm going to cast a spell that I've never cast before. It might be A fifth level spell And it might be called Rip the spirit Oh

I like the sound of this I'm going to use two actions To cast this So it targets one living creature within my range Of 30 feet Which is this big, fun-looking boy right here. And I supernaturally rip the spirit

from the living, question mark, creature's body. Dooming the target to pain and death. Alright. And you take 5d6 negative damage, depending on a Fortitude save.

On a Fortitude save, eh? Yeah, let's roll that first before we worry about anything else. Oh, 10d6. Sorry, because I'm using two actions. Just roll it. Roll your stupid save. Your stupid Fortitude. I swear to God.

It's a 34. All right, so that's probably just a success. That's fine. Was that a crit success or just a success? Um hold on I closed my window Cause I got frustrated Over the success It's a success It's drained one if you fail to save

The spell's effect is Based on how many Alright so it still does 10d6 damage halved. Oh, okay. You're just not drained. Yeah, so 10d6 damage halved. Let me just take my little fingers here.

10. How can you type like that? Her little fingers, by the way, are chicken fingers. Literally. Someone gave me chicken fingers and it's going to be the worst thing they ever did. This didn't work.

Can someone roll 10d6 for me? I'm on it. I'm hacking into the main screen. There's no time, Cindy. There's no time. Just give me a second. Let's do it like 24 with lots of screens. Okay, that's eight.

Okay, not 10. 38. Camera cuts there. 38 points of damage. Wait, that was weird. 19 points of damage. So 19 points of damage. Yes.

Negative damage. Okay. Are you immune? I will minus it from his hit point total. It's negative. He says as he laughs at you. 19 points of damage. Rip the spirit.

38 points of negative damage. Okay. I took half. Whatever. Anyway, so I did two actions doing that, and now I'm gonna boot scoot around this corner here, so I maybe have a cover of some sort. Okay. Just in case. Love the boot scoot.

Honestly, I love the boot scoot. Maybe you should head down to the Grizzly Rose. Man, he's so good. Damn, he's good. Damn, he's good. Round three. It's its turn. As it starts its turn, it speaks into all of your minds.

Previously, it had only spoken into Ethel's mind, the mind that it would soon control for the whole battle. You hear that slurping sound? Leave it to Arknar to send petty agents such as you to try and end me.

He's as much of a coward as he is a fool. I will not cede my position or be defeated so easily! He steps up and attacks the dinosaur. Aww. First

swing with a tentacle. Natural 20. Miss. Fuck. Same die. Troy's gonna roll. Troy's gonna roll. Your daughter is hurt.

And the crowd is sad. Yeah. The crowd's sad. It's a, oh my God, I forgot. This is amazing. All right, so named character. Oh my God, this is. Okay, is Sean Graham here from Golden, Colorado

by any chance? No? Good! Suck it, Sean! Sean Graham from Golden, Colorado! This one's called Bad Moon Rising. Oh my god! Wow! We're on the moon! It's a moon monster! Holy shit!

That's what's crazy about it. Grotus reckons that your enemy has survived past their appointed time. Their body begins to molder and waste away from your strike. What? Deal double damage. Oh, no. And your strike deals an additional three negative damage per character level. That's 27 damage. This damage

ignores all hardness and is capable of destroying non-living objects, creatures immune to negative effects, and even undead or other creatures with negative healing. So it's just a massive amount of additional damage. It's more than that, and dare I say, a couple things are going to happen. First,

we're going to roll some damage. And it are going to happen. First, we're going to roll some damage. And it's going to be 38 points of bludgeoning damage. Then you're going to take 27 points of negative damage. Then you're going to take... I'll go slow. Make sure you're getting all this. Okay.

Somebody's like, aw. 38 plus 27. Okay, 27. Plus six points of mental damage. Is there more? Now I need you to roll a will save. These were the couple things that I

alluded to in my catchphrase. So that's 71 points of damage so far, plus... You're counting it home? That's a... 27? Unfortunately, that's a failure. You are stupefied, too. For one minute.

Oh, God. Did you just slap that dinosaur across the face with a tentacle so hard you stupefied it? Yeah. Yep. Boom. Just, like, rocked. 71 points of damage. Okay.

I'm up still, but I'm dumb, and I'm a dinosaur. I'm a dumb dinosaur. Cool. I'm just a dinosaur with a small brain. I guess come to the next live show if you want to see me do anything. Attack number two. I'm going to spoil this for the audience. If I hit with this, I rend.

Wait, are you attacking me? Yep. And don't take it personally It's just more advantageous I'm sorry just for For me to try to get the rend Just for Flavor When you rend

Yeah What's gonna happen? Just a ton more damage Cool But first let's see if I hit Do you wanna know How many hit points I have left After you

I'm gonna say Four That's a good guess Alright roll Okay Did you hit? A, four. That's a good guess. All right, roll. Okay. Did you hit? With a second attack.

That will be multiple attack penalty. A 27. Even though I'm a dinosaur and my AC jumps a hair. That does sense. I had a dime for every dime someone told me that. Even though I'm a dinosaur and my AC jumps up just a hair. Honey, go make dinner for the kids. All right.

Joke is that my wife would say that to me. It wouldn't make any sense. Did I say it? Anyways. Damage-wise, we're looking at just a measly 20, plus a little mind lash, which is four points of damage, mental. Okay, so that's 24.

You still with me? No. Well, I think it's fair to say that the rend damage just happens now and doesn't happen like, oh, no, rend is an action. So, no, you take that damage, you fall to dying one, and then it rends you with its third action while you're at dying one, which will just take you straight to dying two. I'm not even going to roll the damage.

Actually, which will just take you straight to dying two. I'm not even going to roll the damage. Actually, I will. It's 19 points of damage plus five. So you're dying two. What'd you say, sir? Oh. You lost in action. You stupid. Security. Security. Security. You lost in action. You stupid! Security!

Security! Security! Security! All right, so. So you're dying one. Dying one. Just a dying one. No Ren.

He just kind of Rens in the air. And I fall out of my Ankylosaurus form, and I fall to the ground unconscious. There you are. I could give you battle notes. I'll just put this on you so people know you're unconscious. Can you though, Matthew?

Matthew. Can you? That means stop. I could. I blame Matthew for everything that has happened in this encounter. You and me both. So you're unconscious, dying.

Dying one, in fact. But at least your head wasn't chopped off. This creature said, may I remind you, leave it to Arknar to send petty agents such as you to try and end me. He's as much of a coward as he is a fool.

I will not cede my position or be defeated so easily It's Atticus' turn Oh wait You owe me a flat check there buddy How dare you Yeah I still take the damage I made the flat check but I still take 2d6 acid

Alright 7 points of acid damage He's dead right He's 100% dead He's dead, right? He's 100% dead. Got him. Got him. He's dead, right? Okay. He's no longer acidic, but he did take a little more damage. Atticus, we need you right now.

Just want you to know, we're all counting on you. The sad thing is we really are. I know, I know. Atticus is about to be where Suki is. Any second, he's down. He's out. He's out of the dream. He would be inclined to just wake himself up from this nightmare of Ethel,

who he knows is a badass, just bearing down on him and slicing him to pieces. It is a horrible nightmare, and he'd like to wake up from it, but when this creature's voice talks through and rings into his head, he's going to try to speak to it. He's going to say, We are not agents sent to destroy you.

This is some misunderstanding. We are trying to break everyone out of this prison. We are trying to let everyone in here go. Immediately. This prison should not exist in the first place. I don't even know who that is who you said. This must be some misunderstanding. Please, don't destroy us.

Let us show you the way out of the prison. We've already killed the guards. Out of the prison? out of the prison. We've already killed the guards. Out of the prison? Out of the prison. You would free my prisoners? Yes. Who are you in league with, if not Agnar? Did I say out?

I meant... We're your reinforcements. I'm umlo. We love you. I'm umlo. I'm umlo. Well, they're his prisoners, so it's like, oh, fuck. So I would say that's an action.

Well, roll're his prisoners, so it's like, oh, fuck. So I would say that's an action. Well, roll a diplomacy check. He's not exactly a diplomacy rat. You want to intimidate? You're one of those diplomacy rats, are you? That's what I always say. Never go on an adventure without a diplomacy rat. I mean, he's... Six. Right. That's what I always say. Never go on an adventure without a diplomacy badge. I mean, he's... Six.

Right. That's about right. He can't quite gauge you. No, but as soon as he says, like, you would release my prisoners, shit, I don't know if I should... Well, it's only one! It's only one!

We just need to speak to one prisoner. Perhaps. We don't even know if they're here. The Yellow King. The Yellow King. And he's holding his hands up. Like, he's afraid this thing will kill him. He knows he can't kill it.

He's totally giving, like, the posturing that he is giving up. He's surrendering. And he's like, the Yellow King. Perhaps brought here by... What's her name? No, what? Ray Raleigh. What?

By Ray Raleigh. Or Sybil. We just wish to see him for a moment. All right, give me a performance check. How about that? Okay, okay. That's your jam. That I can do.

That I can do. Let's go. Is this your card? Come on. Come on. Come on. Performance check. Come on, you stupid son of a bitch. I mean, better.

26. 26? Do you want to bottle cap it? Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. I mean, I'm not going to roll much higher than that.

But yeah, sure. Fuck it. It's the end and I'm going to die. I just want to see if you roll worse. Yeah, I probably will. Yeah, I'm not going to roll much higher than that, but yeah, sure, fuck it. It's the end, and I'm going to die. I just want to see if you roll worse. Yeah, I probably will. Yeah, I rolled a lot worse. Okay. You've taken him off guard a little bit.

Now we can't gauge you. You did a horrible diplomacy roll, and then you're just, like, whipping out a deck of cards. Like, what is happening here? So you're catching him off guard. You still have one more action. Do you want to cede them to see if other people can try and talk to him?

Or step back? Yeah, I think Yeah, I think he will Yeah, I don't know. He'll just seeing he's not making much headway, he'll move away here and get back towards the hallway here.

And he'll talk to Aldo, Eris, Pepsi. He'll be like, we cannot defeat this creature, but it doesn't seem interested in destroying us. It only seems to be protecting itself in its prison. Perhaps there's a way through. Can any of you talk to it? Alright, so now

it's Aldo's turn. You get this information here. What do you do? Let me talk to it. Aldo shoulders his way past Pepsi. The enormous snake. You see Suki's body. Bleeding out.

In fact. Oh dear. No, don't make it. Oh, don't. Oh no. You should start talking. The blood's going to get all over the chartreuse piss roll. I know.

It's going to mix with the urine. It's going to be horrible. I hate when blood and piss mix. Aldo steps forward. He says, please, good sir, listen to my friend. He's glancing down at Sookie, shooting blood out of her arteries. Oh, my God. Oh, the blood is like shooting towards the walls.

Like it's being shot by blood guns. Against the wall. Blood guns? Blood guns. You've never shot blood guns? No. Oh, well, you haven't been to Oklahoma? We need to go shooting blood guns tomorrow.

We've got to shoot some blood guns. Before I leave, make sure we go through some blood guns. Go to the blood gun range. So, Aldo, ignoring the great crimson ropes, just splattering across the wall to his left or his right. He says, please, good sir, perhaps you're not a fan of stage magic. I'm not either. I think it's juvenile stupid.

It's something for children's parties. Yeah. Atticus looks hurt. And he winks. He winks at Atticus. Atticus feels heartened. Okay. Mind you, Ethel is still menacing you.

Ethel is still standing over you with a giant warhammer and a scimitar that could cut your head off. Oh, wait a minute. Okay. Should I lie or should I play the game play the game when I moved away from you

you got an attack of opportunity oh or you moved away the creature did not take it the creature did not the creature did not dominate him to take it I love it

you've given it pause and now this Australian is talking okay please let the Australian speak. Please, thank you. Thank you. You incompetent

performance artist. Is this your car? I know you don't care if it's your car or not. I don't either. It's not interesting. But you know what is interesting? Is everything else that my friend said.

Perhaps you could see your way clear. As handsome and devastatingly beautiful and charming as you are. To listening to our plight. Giving us just one chance to make things right here. Please. I beg you. Give me a diplomacy check. It's actually deception because I do like stage magic.

Also, he's not handsome. He's objectively not handsome. Sounds like a lie to me. That is a 30. The creature speaks and you all hear this voice in your head. The tentacles are just moving, but the voice appears in your head. He says, you mean to tell me that you and your crew here are not in league with Arknar?

You are not his minions? Never heard the name. No, it's supposed to be heard of it. How did you get in here? We rode a moon dragon like everyone else I do not understand We were following the trail of Waiterale, do you know that name?

Do you know her? She's a denizen of Leng Yes, this is the one that brought This prisoner that you mentioned. The Yellow King. Yes, and we do not even require his freedom. We just require to speak with him.

That is it. This prison may not be what it once was, but mark my words it will return to its former glory. It has fallen into disrepair all due to a civil war between my protégé and I,

a junior warden, a fellow moonbeast, such as myself, named Arknar. They did not approve of my methods of incarceration. They favor a more inhumane and brutal approach. Lucky for you, you did not face them. But I would not allow it. I believe in

rehabilitation, not torture. I gave them books. Gave them books. Are you serious? Talked to them about real estate. Judy Blume. Anything they wanted. Anything. They weren't allowed to play role-playing estate. Judy Blume, anything they wanted. Anything.

They weren't allowed to play role-playing games, though. No role-playing games, though. This is a prison, after all. This is a prison. We have rules. But I was against torture. No torture, I said. Suki spits up some blood.

Yes. Stay with her in a moment. So Arknar staged a coup and took over the western portion of this compound, sealed it off with a device we have in place only to be used for lockdowns. You say you want this prisoner. What are you willing to do to get him?

Do we just have the same thoughts? Yeah. This is a prison after all. Oh my God. You have a lot of tentacles. How many tentacles do you have? This was a church at one point. This was a church at one point.

Let's pray that in my... Did Sidney just drop a tentacle pee joke? I think so. I think so. Hand tie Sid! Hand tie Sid! Hand tie Sid! Hand tie Sid!

I don't think we should cheer that. I don't think we should cheer that. I love it, but I simply can't. We are prepared to do't. We are prepared to do anything. We are at the end of our rope. You have found us desperate and willing to do anything.

Destroy Akna. If you command, we would even have sex with that rug. Atticus vomits. Not. We had a rug orgy in a previous episode. Do not make eyes at my rug. It is my most prized possession. I spit out more blood.

Somebody heal me. He gently moves the rug away from your blood. Suki rolling recovery checks, by by the way This is all free actions Suspended time free actions It's a dream Shut up It's a dream I apologize that your dinosaur woman is dying

But let us speak of this deal You said you would defeat Arknar So you will do anything Even kill Oh, yes We are no stranger to killing To get what we need Well, you could have fooled me

I had at least ten more rounds Before you would do any real damage Well, but through sheer negligence Look at your feet Look at this poor woman. We've sort of killed her. Yes. All right.

Right. Here's the deal. Find a way into the other side of the prison and dispatch with Arknar. Do that and I will give you whoever it is you seek.

A small price to pay. If you are capable enough to reach me here, you should have no problem reaching them there. I hope you fight better, because you suck at this battle. I would have easily killed all of you. Is there any help you can give us? Would you be okay with us spending

No less than eight to nine hours In this room Just like hanging out Absolutely I love this rugby mat Could you protect us While for several hours We applied bandages

Then waited an hour Then applied another bandage then waited an hour, then applied another bandage, then waited an hour. No. No. But you may search the room to the south of here. There are records that may help you in infiltrating the other side of the prison. There is even a full-scale model of the prison.

Oh, wow. Great. So you can use it to chart your course. In the meantime, your friend, the warrior, I own his mind. It is dark as fuck in there. Yes. We know.

Adil's just standing there like this I have never yeah Adek is like I have never seen him so happy so content he did get to get out of his head for a little bit Eris now's your chance ask anything um

oh my god so you can tell him to do whatever you want. I don't know if that's right. Yes. I don't know. I just feel weird, actually, doing that. Doing what, Harris? She slinks into a shadow.

I may ask a question. There it is. The creature looks at you, Eris, and says, wait. Step into the light. She steps into the light. How do I know you?

Oh. Me? She points with chicken fingers. Please take those off. For the record, I have chicken fingers. Please take those off. Please. I have seen you before.

Yes. But something is different. Are you all together yeah right now right now yes it's like slowly rocking back and forth alright your friend's

mind shall be returned. Save your dying dinosaur woman. Go and kill Arknar. And this yellow king is yours. But wait. You're just going to, we're going to gloss over this whole thing where you think you know me? Yes, but I can't place it. Where did you go to school?

I didn't go to school. What year did you graduate? I didn't graduate. Do you know my younger brother, Jim? Jim. Jim Moonbeast. Jim Moonbeast. He would have been a sophomore. Oh, God.

You just got a familiar face. Go, kill. Here's your friend's mind. Save your dinosaur. And then he just slurps his way into the corner. And then he comes back and he's like, I want my rug. Wait a minute.

What's your name? My name is Yathkev. What's yours? Ethel. A fine name. So Yothketh and Jim were four years apart in school? We don't really know what the age difference between Yathkev and Jim are. That's true. We know that he would have been two years younger

than Eris in this fiction. They actually haven't talked in a long time. That's the whole thing. Yeah. Well, he's got Yathkev's lot to deal with. He's got a prison revolts. He's running a prison. He's got a coup going on here, a civil war.

You lose touch. You can lose touch. Yeah. I guess you could say he got tied up in his work and really estranged him from his family. I think we would benefit a great deal from resting here.

Would you allow us? He said no. He said to listen. Oh. You cannot spend hours. Every hour you spend is an hour that Ark-Nar grows closer to taking over this prison. As you say this. Yes.

I just want to make sure everybody's picturing this correctly. Atticus is slumped against the wall. Blood is pouring from every orifice. He looks like he's going to die any second. Thou go. He's barely gasping for air. Time is is the essence Suki is literally dying

I did in the interim I did roll a recovery check I got a natty 19 So I'm at zero Okay so you're stable But I am unconscious still And I need someone to wake me up Atticus trips over and falls on her

And deals one more point of damage God damn it We have that room to the south And he said that there was information in there, but maybe there's other stuff in there. Just pour a potion in my mouth. I do so. Oh, shit. I do so.

Wait, I can do battle medicine. But we're not in battle anymore. Wait, I can do battle medicine. I give Suki my elixir of life moderate. Thank you. My one that I have. That's nice. Thank you. That's one that I have. That's nice. Thank you.

That's a lot of healing. That's nice. That's really nice. So eight hours? Not the consumables. Everybody good with eight hours? No. You may spend time in the records room.

Excellent. I'd like to be here with my rug alone. We'll look the other way. Atticus is going to completely rest for eight hours. You're welcome to look through the room. So wait, are you going to go into this room and you're taking a full night's rest? I'm taking a full night's rest. Okay.

Is everyone on board with that? Yeah. I mean, I want to look at what's in here more than like resting. Well, you can do both. Can I? Listen, I know there's an empty chair here, but you need to control yourself. Don't take his chair. It's a fun bit.

It was. Boulder loves it. I love a fun bit. I love the chair bit. I think I'll be more suspicious if you left the chair. Just pour a drink on it. Oh, Skid is going to switch. Oh, wow. Where's he? You have Skid doing your dirty work. You know Skid is going to switch.

You have Skid doing your dirty work. Skid, big prank guy. He's the first person you pranked. You know what would be even better? Unplug his computer and remove it from the table and turn it off. Alright. Put Saran Wrap on his chair.

Make a donation in his name to the NRA He'd hate that He'd really hate that All I'm saying is he'd hate it Are we All I need to know Are we treating wounds What are we doing

Yeah we're doing like an astounding amount of hours. And then, watch this. And it's all gone by. Wait, was there a siege against his room? Are you just going to hang out with him on his piss rug while you rest eight hours? Or are you going to go into the records room? He seemed really

chill. Yeah, yeah. No, they can go into the records room for sure. Yeah, we'll go into the records room. Supi and I need like hours and hours and hours of medical attention. He's giving you this room. It's like a room. Okay No, they can go into the records room for sure. Yeah, we'll go into the records room. Zupi and I need like hours and hours and hours of medical attention. He's giving you this room. It's like a room. Okay, we go into the We all go. But I think you guys go and research No, no, we all go. We all go. The next day. No.

Perfect. Atticus begins to look through the tomes feeling completely healthy with all of his spells. No, you get nothing. You get nothing. You get nothing. This is very interesting.

I'm going to roll perception. No, you can't do anything. You're resting. You've chosen to rest. Now you're in the records room. And here's the thing. You open up the door and you are struck immediately by what you thought would be like maybe a library or some sort of bookshelves.

It's not that at all. There are rows of cubbies made out of stone filling the space like wall to wall, floor to ceiling. And they're all various sizes, hundreds of them lining the walls of this chamber. The only thing that interrupts the cubbies is the door to enter this room. Each individual cubby has a small metal door attached to it, closing the cubby with a little script written on it. What languages do you speak? Who are you pointing to?

What? Okay, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. Are you describing like a locker at a public pool? Kind of, yeah. Common, druidic, elven, gnomish, goblin, sylvan. What do you want?

Literally useless. Literally useless. Everything you said is stupid. I'm a fey elf. What do you want me to do? Hey, Matthew, check your email. There's a thank you. From a particular organization.

Don't worry, it's a tax write-off. Oh my goodness. He'll never watch the video. What language is he speaking? He's checking his email on his phone. He's checking it right now. All right, so for Atticus, it is Oclo, common, draconic. Oclo.

Oh! Oh! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding Coins just start spitting out of them. Yeah, coins just come out of all the cubbies. Everything is written in Akla. And then in the center of the room is a low table with a model of the building on it. It's like a replica of the prison. And you see a couple interesting things. Everything works. There's see a couple interesting things. Like it's, everything works.

There's like a tiny little crank that if you, if you fuck around with it, it like lifts the portcullis. It's located in the room that you were just in. Yeah, all those big cranks.

Remember the alcove? You saw a big crank? All right, that's the crank for the portcullis. You go, you move it and lifts the portcullis. You move it and it lifts the portcullis. Let's say you keep talking about it.

Somewhere a door has opened. It says. You see another thing and Aldo, you immediately like, this makes so much sense now. You see a contraption that moves two stones in the middle of the building,

like up or down. Nice. So that's the scraping. And this is what Yathkev was telling you. It's like there's a contraption that seals off both sides of the prison, and it's only used for lockdown. Well, now it's being used for this war of attrition. Just like Civil War. Civil War, John. You said it's being used for this war of attrition. This civil war.

This civil war, John. You said it's in the middle of the building. Yes. It's like the Berlin Wall of a lunar prison. Yes. Exactly. Yes, exactly. Classic.

Not to fall back on cliche, but yes. And you see that the contraption that controls the movement of these is upstairs on the other side of the prison, which doesn't help you. However, just looking at the way everything's laid out, you realize that when Suki turned into a lizard and came

around, went up to those double doors, that with the stones in the position that they're in, you could get to the other side of the prison. So that's good news. That is good news. You have a long time in here. You're going to spend eight hours doing a full rest.

So I imagine you're going to want to examine these copies. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, first, Aldo is going to stand to examine these copies. Oh, yeah. Well, first, Aldo is going to stand over the replica of the prison and throw it down on the ground and say, what is this? A prison for ass?

Thank you, Skid. It needed to be said. Thank you. Always a cleric doesn't like it. She's giving you the boo sign. Oh, come on. Does he really do that? Or is it like a Scrubs moment where he sees himself doing it?

Yeah, good reference. No, that's just like, no, I shouldn't. It's a Scrubs. That's a Scrubs moment. So let's say you examine the cubbies because it's 920. Yeah. It's 11.20 Is your computer on New York time? How embarrassing

Is it 11.20? No it's not It's 9.20 You're so stupid She lost a lot of blood I'm on the wifi It's the altitude. You guys, I have altitude sickness.

I'm so sick. The condescending way that you attacked me, too. I mean, you set yourself up for such a bad burn. It's so funny. I'm an Aries. Any Aries in the house? Obviously not. Very confident.

Logan Forrest. Logan number four. Colorado Logan Obviously not. Very confident. Logan 4 is. Logan number 4. Colorado Logan number 4. L4. Very confident. Sorry, Troy. I shat on you. It's okay.

I have a flight in three hours. That's actually true. You examine the copies. Yo, Colorado red eye. All right, let's rock. I'd go for a Colorado Red Eye right now. I don't know what that means. You examine the cubbies.

Everything has something written on it, only you can read it. And usually it's either a name or a short physical description and almost always an outlaw. Tiny middle door, little latch you can open. Let's say you start looking through these. The majority of them, first one you open, have the same thing.

You open it and inside is a perfectly polished, clean jawbone. Open up the next one. Jawbone. Jawbone. Jawbone. Open up the next one. Jawbone. Jawbone. Jawbone. And names of people. Wow. Steve.

Jim. Steve Albuquerque. Steve Albuquerque. Tony Stark. Oh, no. Logan. I got Tony. Logan number five. Logan number five. Oh, no. Logan. My God, Tony. Logan number five.

Logan number five. Logan number five. Big Logan number five fan out there. Big fan of Logan number five. Loves him. Can't get enough. Logan five, Jawbone. Or it'll just say, like, female derelict.

Jawbone. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of clean jawbones. How much time are you spending looking at them? Eight hours. Four days. You're not spending four days. One million years.

It's moon time, baby. It doesn't matter. All right, so let's say you spend... Atticus the Grey. That's what they used to call me. That's what they used to call me. I'm having so much fun. I don't want it to end.

You spend a lot of time looking... And I'm telling you, it's like a bank security type vault. You spend this time, this whole eight hours, of time looking and i'm telling you it's like like a bank security type vault you know like everything you're looking through looking to look through you spend this time this whole eight hours while while they're resting you're taking turns going through them and you find that there's a section that's still that uh it's different that doesn't have job homes and of that section there are 13 of them that still have possessions inside. Now, some of them only contain, like, incidental items.

A couple old coins, a pair of pants. Weird thing to pick. A huge dildo. That just says Friday Night Jumps on it. It's very weird. You don't know what that is. Johnson on it. It's very weird. You don't know what that is. But it belongs to a human woman.

That's all it says. Huge dildo. That's what we call a Colorado red-eye. That's the Colorado red-eye. The old Friday night Johnson. Or a Colorado red-eye. This is getting out of control. There is one that says human woman, and within it is a magical shirt,

a magical composite longbow, a thin dagger with a handle that's wrapped in like cheetah hide, and then a sack of like trophies of animals. sack of like trophies of animals. But like animals that are not animals that you've ever seen. Moon animals?

They're not moon animals, but like just, they're not like, oh, that's a giraffe's ear, clearly. I know a giraffe's ear when I see one. They're like weird. They look kind of familiar. Like maybe you've encountered them in your travels, but they're weird. So it's a bag of gross trophies.

One says male elven wizard. There's a quiver with three green magical arrows and a magical javelin. I mentioned the dildo. There's one that says... Is the dildo magical There's one that says... Is the dildo magical? I detect magic. Kind of. If it is, I want it.

Yeah. My children are going to watch this someday. I know. Don't do it, Troy. All right. One says, The Yellow King. His possessions.

Possessions are inside. That were locked up. When he checked in, they were like, Give me your Johns. Lock them up. When you get out, you'll get these back. If you get out. But you'll never get out.

You can never leave. There is a magical dagger and a yellow cloak. A yellow cloak made out of that same, like, curtain that was separating the rooms of the Caravanserai. And that's it. But there are two other ones that really jump out. Suki, you're like, it's covered in blood. I'm healing. You're healing, but you're still covered in blood from earlier.

From the blood gun. And you're just, you're looking at all these boxes and you see one with a name that you recognize and the name is Alaric and when you open up the metal door there is a locket

inside and when you open up the locket there there is a locket inside. And when you open up the locket, there's a picture of you. I mentioned there were two boxes that looked weird. Because, Eris,

you're looking around, and you maybe see some writing here that you can't read read and you ask the dumb rat what it says and he says it says female flesh warp and something was calling you to this little cubby. Maybe that's why you asked Atticus.

And you open up the little latch and you lift the door forward and inside is a poppet that looks exactly like egg. See the witch! We'll see you next week.

What? We will see you next week. We will see you next week. We will see you next week. How about you? Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Oh, you guys are the best.

Thank you, Denver. We'll be back. Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. And for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else, subscribe today at patreon.com slash glasscannon. you