The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 81 – Mister Sir

Episode Date: July 30, 2023

In a desert oasis deep within the Dreamlands, the heroes finally come face to face with the Mad Poet. Note: We apologize for the poor audio. The mixing board audio was unfortunately corrupted. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/SSB5k7BeKkQ For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are listening to the Glass Cannon tonight, huh? Let's go! So it's going to be that guy tonight. Let's go! Good evening, Seattle. Nice. Nice start. Maybe a little too hot. Now there's nowhere to go. Strong open.

Where do we go from there? Save a little. Drink some caffeinated drinks. You know, when you're running a global media empire, you have to constantly deal with a lot of

uncertainty as people's tastes change, technology changes, social media changes, the needs of the customer change. But one thing that remains a constant for the Glass Cannon Network is that the best fans in the nation are in the Pacific Northwest. It's a fact. It is a fact. It is a fact. And although the entire city of Seattle is the charm of a truck stop bathroom, I appreciate that you folks took a night off

from being a barista or a longboard fisherman, whatever the fuck you do out there, to show up for us. I mean that. Sure, walking around your filthy metropolis feels like you're constantly strolling down a haunted alleyway, but with all sincerity,

I want to thank you on behalf of the team from the bottom of my heart for dodging meth heads like an NFL running back to give me it tonight. We appreciate that. That is hard work. I really, honestly, no joke, looked down an alley today

and didn't walk down it because I was afraid. Like, I saw, like, two people near a dumpster just kind of, like, doing something, and I was like, I'll take the next street. You don't live in New York at one point. We are from New York. You are embarrassing us. It is different.

What are you talking about? Here, it's like a constant Oklahoma drill. Google that if you don't know what that means. It's very funny. No, but listen. I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm looking on the bright side. And so I'm looking on the bright side tonight.

At least we're not in Portland. Am I right? That place is terrible. Hey, who is from Portland that's here and drove up? Thank you for taking the drive. They cheer the loudest. Hating Portland, they know. Good for you, thank you for coming.

We're so glad you escaped your city. You're safe now. We took a raft for a long time. We are once again sold out tonight. Two years in a row sold out. Thank you, Seattle. Thank you. Thank you, Seattle. Thank you, Triple Door. And we are, of course, once again,

graced by the presence of our good friend, a man who loves Seattle so much he can't wait to get the fuck out. Give it up for Paizo's own Eric Moda! The moon, as his friends call him, right at the office. The moon! Black Snake Mo call him right at the office. That's not what my... The moon!

Black Snake Moan is what they call it. Probably is now. Thanks, guys. That should stick. Eric, how the hell are you, buddy? You're packing, you're leaving. I'm doing great, yeah. I'm leaving. Sorry, I'm leaving Seattle.

I know. Sorry. I want a fucking house and you can't buy one here, so. Bye! But it's been a good 24 years and I'm here

another couple months, but this is a nice entry to the end game here. This is great. And where are you moving again? Minneapolis.

Where I came from originally all those long years ago. So what I'm hearing is if we do another show in Minneapolis, party at Mona's house, and you're all in. He already said he was gonna

do it. There's a phrase no one could ever say until now. I have a fucking house, so come over. We can hang out in his basement. He's gonna have a basement. You're gonna have three living rooms? I do. Well, I don't mean to brag, but...

Joe and Sydney and Kate and I got in yesterday and, uh, like the losers that we are, we went straight to a gaming cafe and played board games for about six hours. It was awesome. Just crushing rain years?

What the hell did I call them? Rain years? No. Oh, the beers? Yeah. Yeah, Rainiers! They're awesome! Ranked about 100 of those. That was a good time. In fact, if the audience is cool with it,

I would just like to play Wingspan this evening instead of Pathfinder. We played Wingspan. A thrilling game of Wingspan. I think we can role-play Wingspan for two and a half hours. Get that nut hatch away from me! Let's get to the band.

This is a good band topic I think I have tonight. They've been hot all year, but this is a real good one. This one's gonna make you think, Kate. I don't have thoughts. Well, once that fizzy drink Gets to your head

You will Alright Let's say you had A time machine And you could only Use it twice Once To go somewhere

And once To come back Would you go to the past Or would you go to the future I'll be waiting upstairs For your answer Skid I feel like Or would you go to the future? I'll be waiting upstairs for your answers. Playing wingspan. Skid, I feel like you've thought about this, considered it.

Hell, maybe even used a time machine. Where would you go? Past, future, and where? I feel like I've talked about this, but I would take all of my synthetic rubies. Right. And a bunch of, like, Butterfinger BBs and cookies and cream ice cream and a cooler

and go back to Rome circa about, like, 65 AD and just have a good time. Just blow their minds. Buy a villa with the rubies and just really enjoy my time. What about you, Sydney? And what candies would you bring with you?

I'm pegging you for a future. You know, speaking of candy though, it makes me think of like traveling back in time and giving a pilgrim like a Sour Patch Kid a fucking drink.

That's what I'm saying. I think about that all the time. Oh my. You think about that all the time? Their heads would explode. They would.

I seriously think about this like three or four times a week. Like it's just like, oh man, like someone in the classical world, they could taste this fucking whatchamacallit. They would go, they would lose their fucking minds. But my fear, here's my fear because of that. I have the same thought too. If I go back in time, I'm going to be a witch.

If I go into the future, probably going to be a witch somehow. Like something's going to get, so I don't think it's appealing to me for like me, for my life. But I think I would love to just go really far into the future just to see. Like I don't know if I would do anything. I don't want to have like a weird butterfly effect thing happen to me and ruin my life. I know it's the past, but I think I would just. Like Jack Vance far or like. I don't see. I think I would like scrape the keyboard Vance far or like... I don't see...

I think I would like scrape the keyboard and hit enter and just see what happens. Yeah, that's a good way to approach it. And then I'd come back. Yeah, if you only got one shot, why not close your eyes and see? Just like randomly. And then I'd come back and be like, you guys wouldn't believe what I saw. And then they'd be like, you're a witch. What year were you in?

I don't know. I don you in? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where I was or when I was. They don't have years anymore. They don't have years anymore where they're from. I don't know. I think I'd go in the future. Eric, what about you? I think I'm going to pick the past because I know that it exists. Yeah.

That'd be a tough comeback from, like, the void. So, uh, I'm going to go with the past. I think because I collect books, I'd go to the bookstore, the magazine rack. I'd be like, I'll have the lot. Put it in a bag. And then I'll just come right back home and read Pulps for the next, until I get another time machine. Then I'll go to the next month to get the second part of all the stories.

That's deep, man. Kate, where are you going? Time is a flat circle. There we go. Someone always tries to break the question. What happened before will happen again. Who gives a shit? Who wants

my time machine ticket? I'm going to stay here and not give a shit. I'll take it for the second month of a shit. I'll take it for the second month of those stories. I'll look up it to him so we can get his subscription. Give it to Eric. Alright, one pass. And you, Joe? I think

similarly to Mona. Or Moan. That's his name. Wait, do you like the band Whitesnake? Whitesnake mode is a cool thing. Yeah, he does like Whitesnake a lot. I'm going to get you a t-shirt that says Whitesnake mode. I like it.

It's got the long hair. You could be obviously very surprised by the past, but that it is to some degree a known quantity. Whereas the past, but that it is, to some degree, unknown quantity. Whereas the future, I mean, you could never come back very easily. Except we could come back. Well, yeah, but you're coming back. But you don't know what the physical

physics may have changed. You never know. I mean, unless you go, like, a year and a half in the future, I don't know why you'd do that. A year and a half in the future. What a dumb idea. Can you imagine being in, like, a year and a half in the future? Why do you do that? A year and a half in the future. What a dumb idea. I just want to say, if I could use this as a whole. That's what I used it for. Being, like, 2019 and going, like, a year and a half into the future.

Oh, God. Oh, man. So, again, time is a flex here. Don't do it. The correct answer was go into the far future until you could get multiple time machines and travel at your will. You!

So sorry, zero points to both teams. And that's our show this evening. You know, I actually thought about that, and then I thought, that's dumb, so I'm not going to say it. Because it is very stupid. It's like asking a genie for multiple... Yeah, but it's also like, how do you know when there's more time machines?

You only get to pick one time. You don't know. You go really far. Yeah, but it's also like, how do you know when there's more time machines? You only get to pick one time. You don't know. Just go really far. Yeah. Ask the Morlocks. Just go really far and ask the Morlocks. Have you guys invented genies yet? Is that like a bunch of genies, please?

I think we've learned a lot about each other this evening. And now we're going to play some Pathfinder. Did everybody listen to the L.A. show from two nights ago? Thank God this will make this easier. This is the only show that requires homework. There's no other show, live show, that needs people to do that. Significant others, hang on, because this

is a doozy. Joe, give me some dulcet recap music tones. Dulcet recap tones? Maybe a little dark. This is a big, big app, and I'd be lying if I didn't say one of the reasons that we stopped doing Twitch every week about a month ago

is I wanted to time everything up perfectly with tonight's show in Seattle in front of this crowd. So, so just like I say to them backstage, don't disappoint me! Can I hear that music?

We're bringing in the dark. There it is. Ready? Close your eyes and see what happens. Touch the person next to you in a sensual way. Really get into it. I do have some new drops, by the way. Oh! I know you've been annoyed with the old ones.

I do have some new ones, though. I love the old ones. Either way. Just over one year ago, right here at the Triple Door in Seattle, we began book three of the strange aeons adventure path we also began the conversion from pathfinder first edition to pathfinder second edition a decision that to this day has been universally loved by the fans universally that's the best part. Loved and lauded. We began book three right here, and book three has been about two things, essentially.

There's a lot else going on, but there's two main things. One, finding out what Count Hazerton Lowell IV is up to. And finding out why he entered the dimension of dreams and spoke to the enigmatic Dreamlands figure known as the Mad Poet. I'm very proud of you for not whispering to Sidney. Three sentences in. If you're just joining us for the first time tonight, or if you're not caught up, Skid's character, Aldo, Joe's character, Atticus, and Eric Mona's character, Ferbil Haas,

a.k.a. Tiny Murder Cloud. They all used to work for the Count. They were his thugs, his henchmen, but they have no memory of this. Something happened to their memories, and they were left by the Count to rot in an insane asylum. Well, they're out of the asylum, and they've been hot on the trail of the Count who is traveling far away to the south in search of dangerous eldritch knowledge. You've discovered that this search brought the Count into the dreamlands where he traveled all over gathering gifts that he could present to someone known as the Mad Poet.

I will kill you. Is he serious right now? Does he already have to pee? I'm taking the chair. Kate, come sit by me. Come sit by me. Sit over there. This is great.

This is off to a great start already. Pour. Cheers. Pour your drink all over his keyboard. There's a lot of buttons over here. He does this on purpose. All right, so the Count went into the Dreamlands, found all these gifts to give to the mad poet.

The meeting between... Great, now we're not allowed to sit together. Great, teacher's mad. Hey, Kate, what are you doing behind me? You drew attention to my exit. You wouldn't have known. You thought no one was going to notice? I just had to get a cup, and no one cares about the recap,

so I thought that was the best time to go do it. He spent so much time writing them. Mr. DM, Mr. DM, I'm so sorry for the interruption. Please continue about Hazerton Laos. First of all, it's a GM, not a DM. Thank you, Troy. Thank you. Which you don't if you ever open the Pathfinder core rulebook.

Busted. Busted! Touche. I mean, I can get you one. I want her to pay for it. Hey, Eric, I've been asking for a pocket edition. I would love pocket edition. We'll talk after the show.

Thank you, Eric. Thanks, Eric. So, the Count found all these gifts so that he could meet the Yellow King. Well, you did the same thing. You traveled the Dreamlands, you found these gifts, hoping that you could meet the Yellow King. Excuse me, the Mad Poet. You got me

all fucked up now! Oh, fuck. What I forgot to say was that when Liles met the Mad Poet, the meeting was so powerful. The Mad Poet shared with him such crazy knowledge. A piece of Laos' mind broke off and stayed on in the dreamlands. And that piece refers to himself as the Yellow King.

You met the Yellow King. He tells you, go get these gifts. I'll take you to the mad poet. So you got the gifts. You come back and he says, come with me. Let's go meet the mad poet. So you travel for hours across the sands of the dreamland's desert until you come to a large dune that obscures the view from beyond.

The yellow king says, I can travel with you no further, but beyond that dune lies the mad poet's oasis. So you crest the dune, and couched between a valley of similar dunes is a small glistening pool, a large tree, and a small wooden hut. As you come into the valley, your eyes are drawn towards the large lumpy fruits that hang from the tree. But as you get closer, you realize those aren't fruits. They're heads. Not only heads, but the heads of every single one of your traveling companions since this adventure began.

The tree comes to life and attacks you, stupefying some of you with its aromatic smells and blasting others of you with the knowledge this tree has gathered throughout its lifetime, bombarding you with mental damage even as you defeat the tree. It lets out a psychic blast of mental energy that leaves almost all of you on the brink

of death. Ethel Merman, played by Matthew Capitacazza, who poorly planned a vacation that technically he didn't need to fly out to until at least tomorrow. He fell, went straight to dying too, while the rest of you, except for Suki,

were all knocked prone with a handful of hit points left. But then two things happen. One, Ethel's body begins to convulse like being shaken by invisible hands until it phases right out of existence. And a second body takes its place, a body that is apparently doing the shaking. This is, of course, Tiny Murder Clown. The second thing that happens is that the door to the small wooden hut opens, and a man steps out, carrying a large tome under one arm.

And that's where we begin tonight's show. See how it sets the tone, Eureka? See how they're listening to everything I say? You could set a tone in about 60 seconds. You'll need nine minutes. I have to tell it to you guys because you don't think about this show between sessions. I don't remember what happened in L.A. You think this is all some big game. Yes.

It is a game. It's a game. It's literally a game. You think this is all some fantasy game. For a moment, let me take you back to the material plane, back to the Selen River and back to the Selen Starling, the boat that all of you are traveling on and the boat where all of your bodies still lay in an unconscious state while your minds are projected into the dreamlands. You've always assumed that from your research, when you die in the dreamlands,

you don't really die. You wake up back in the real world, touched by a madness. However, you've learned as of late that there are those whose powers defy the rules and natural ways of the dreamlands. Those like the mad poet. And that should you die at his hands or at the hands of creatures as powerful as he, it could very well be final. There is no waking up. Well, see, we imagine the boat sails into view. We haven't seen this boat in a while. We've been on the moon.

We see the captain, little halfling, by the name of Skywind Freeling, come up on deck. Smell the river air. She walks over to the side of the boat and looks down at the calm river. Maybe the old couple, Revan and Gossa, who double teamed Sir Julie. Maybe the old couple, Revan and Gossa, who double teamed Sir Julie. Right before her untimely death. Approached the... Were the incidents related? We'll never know.

Threw her off for a game. She was mocked. They come up to the captain. They're like, pardon me, captain. Do you know how long it will be until we reach Casimir? I recognize the edge of the Verdun forest here. I feel as if we are close, yes? And Skywind says, I'd say we're maybe about a week out, maybe less.

We've been making good time as of late, thanks to clear skies like today. As long as nothing slows us down, our journey should be over soon. All of you are, of course, traveling to Casimir as well. But as she says that, a couple of the crew are, like, struggling with a fishing net,

trying to pull it up, and another crew member comes over, maybe Spitty Pal, grabs it, pulling, trying to get this thing up. Finally, they pull it up and another crew member comes over maybe Spitty Pal grabs it and they're just pulling trying to get this thing up finally they get it up and nestled

between a mound of beluga and sturgeon there's a small gnome dressed in a multicolored ghillie suit he says. Now, when last we saw a tiny murder clown,

he jumped off the boat at a dock and ran into a town he recognized. I believe it was Zur, the Rasmiran city of Zur. He was like, I recognize something here. Hee hee, and he ran off. Somehow, here he is, caught conveniently. In the fishing net at the cell in Starland. The captain comes over as they're dislodging you from the net.

What the fuck are you doing here, you tiny weirdo? Hi! It's me again! So good to see you! Yeah! I was in Zur for quite some time, but they don't appreciate quality humor. So they rather impolitely asked me to leave. So I thought, where am I welcome?

Why, it's with my old friends above the, the, the selling starling. So I traveled to the river and I went down river where I thought you would be, and I waited, and I counted ships. One, two, three. There were like 500 ships. And then finally, I saw upon the ship the well-known silhouettes of your crew. I saw Fingers O'Toole. I saw Fanny Kreminger. I saw Dinky Fustable.

And a bunch of other people. And I said, there's my friends. So I jumped in the water and I swam. But the boat goes a lot faster than I can swim, so I've been swimming for two days. But I'm here, and I didn't drown. And I hope my friends are still

aboard. Are they here? Do you remember my friends like Sir Julie? Is Sir Julie here? No. Sadly, no, sir. Sir Julie has fallen.

Sir Julie fell off the boat? Did you scoop her back up? No, no, she died fighting a dragon. Fighting to save the lives of your other friends. Oh, no, that's terrible. Yes. I wish I could have been there.

Yes. She had the most delicious-looking soul, and I wanted to consume it. It's a very uncomfortable thing to say. Yes. That's what they told me and Xur. Well, for some reason, the gods have seen it fit to save you,

and the rest of your friends Along with some new traveling companions I don't believe you met They're downstairs doing their creepy dream stuff Did you say new people? Yes, they're traveling with I'm trying to think since they've taken on three new members Meeting new people is when I do six the best. Well, they're in their trance-like state downstairs.

You can go check and see if they're done. And then just stay down there maybe if I remember correctly. And I think I do. You make everyone uncomfortable. Right down there is where you need to go. Right down there? Yes. Okay. I'm going now. See ya. You sure's where you need to go. Right down there? Yes. Okay. I'm going now. See ya.

You sure you don't want to see a trick? That guy's weird. Okay, fine. Bye. I'll go downstairs. Tiny Murder Clown, you head downstairs. Plump, plump, plump, plump, plump, plump. And lying on the floor of the cabin are your old friends, Aldo and Atticus,

and three people you don't recognize. There's a man and two women. One of the women is an elf. The other has an open mouth on her neck. She's snoring. I just want it to not be canon that the neck mouth snores. And it has bad breath at night. It's a night guard that it wears.

It's like a retainer. That's canon. You go into the room and your eyes are drawn to the man that you don't recognize. Your eyes are drawn to the man that you don't recognize. And when you see this hunk of beef sitting on the floor, there's this moment where your old habits and desires kick in because you have this ability to see through this man's body straight to his soul, a soul that's full of sadness and hate and lust, all the things you love. full of sadness and hate and lust.

All the things you love. And all you want to do is reach into his chest and steal his tortured soul. So you do. You grab him and start shaking his body with your rapid flurry of blows, just punching him, trying to reach through his chest cavity to tug at his soul. And then when you do, suddenly your hands start to go

through him, and then start to go through the floor as well. Oh no! And then it goes all the way until you start feeling something hot in your hands, and you lift your hands up and just see sand falling through your fingertips. What the hell is this?

Hot sand. Your hands start burning up. Your body starts burning up. And as you pull both hands out and sand falls down, you look up and you realize you are no longer on that boat pummeling a stranger. You are in a desert oasis, surrounded by all of the people you saw sleeping, except for that man whose soul you tried to steal. I hate the dreamlands.

So all my old friends, well, two of my old friends are there, and then two strangers. And my character looks like a giant fire woman right now, just so you know. What does that mean? It's a fire elemental. Holy shit. And we saw Ethel, like, just disappear. And this murder clown just show up. Like, that's what we see.

Yeah, it looked like a puppet was, like, pulling his body. With my, like, ribbon-cl ribbon clad yellow orange and red uniform. I look like a fire elemental too. What the hell is that? Where did Ethel go? Where is Ethel go? Are you guys awake? Oh, hi.

I'm your old friend, Tiny Murder. Well, you call me Tiny Murder Clown. My name is Verbal Hoss, but I kind of prefer Tiny Murder Clown. Hi, I'm tiny murder clown. And, uh, oh, no. My old friend, I miss you. I miss you most of all.

Wait, you know this person? No, yes, I do, and I would rather face a forest full of those fucking trees than this one fucking clown. Well, no one likes now. Why would we fight? We're best friends. I am a... Yes, I'm a huge fan.

Thank you. It's so good to see you. What? I thought his best friend was dead. Well, he must have thought I was dead because I went to Zur. You're the best friend. I hope so. Oh, so see, I didn't kill your best friend. Yeah. He's right here. Oh, God. It's dying.

Mystery solved. I'm He's right here. No, I'm not. It's Dyer. Mystery solved. I'm not dead at all. Dyer is my baby issue, and stop talking to him. You'll regret it in the future. What? I'm tiny murder clown. Hey. And I reach out my chicken hand, and you don't flinch?

No, it's cool. You have a chicken hand? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And a mouth in your neck? I also it's cool. You have a chicken ear? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And a mouth in your neck? I also have, when she pulls out egg, I have a puppet. You can probably tell it has a soul in it that I put in it.

Because the witch, Baba Yaga thing. What? What, you like my doll? I love your doll. Yeah. A lot of people don't appreciate a good puppet. I know. You know who appreciates it least of all?

The people of Xur. Huh. Interesting. Yeah. I've never been there. What's your name again? Eris. Eris.

My name's Ferbal Haas. Hi, Ferbal. Hi. Atticus, as you watch this menagerie of fools introduce each other. I mean, not only has his brain just been shredded to pieces by this tree to the point where he is at four

hit points. Oh. Yeah. Mmm, tasty. He is as much as you can be near death, and there's just blood seeping from his ears. Yeah. And he's... And, like,

and he blinks and he sees tiny murder clouds. And he's like... And, like, he's just, like, chatting with Aerith like they're on a first date. Yeah! And this most scariest, the most terrifying entity known in our existence is like strolling toward him slowly in the background.

And he's like, oh, this is happening. So yeah, he's freaking out. Suki comes out of elemental form, spirals down, lands. And she's like, okay, okay. Who's, who's that? Atticus, and she's like Okay, okay Who's hurt? Atticus, come here. Aldo, come here. Eris, what the fuck is that? She's just being a friend.

Come over here, come over here. I'll come with you, yeah, I'm a friend. Come, come, come. How did you get here? I was on the ship. Are you with him? And he's pointing at this man that's like walking slowly across the street. Oh, let's talk about this guy. Let's not.

As you all stand there, chatting, this man opens the door, comes out. He has a thick toe under one arm. As I said, he has dark skin. He's wearing robes befitting someone who would live this far out in the desert. His shoes curl up into points. He has a huge red sash around his waist held together by a giant brooch. And he has a turban on his head. Let's go to the map and check this dude out.

Oh boy. Oh, I have been looking for this. Oh my god! Oh my god! He looks kinda dead. Oh, he looks nice. He comes out holding that book.

You have every reason to believe that this is the mad poet. You learned not long ago when you were coming back on a flying dinosaur from the moon. You had a long time to talk and you learned from the Yellow King that the mad poet was originally a human man named Abdul Alhazred, who, not unlike Laos, went searching for dark truths, dark truths which he eventually found and was driven insane. and was driven insane. He then penned a book called the Kitab al-Azif, later renamed the Necronomicon. But as Abdul's insanity grew,

so did his power, and his powers allowed him to travel far beyond his home planet of Earth. Woo-hoo! What a big Earth fan. This is why we don't choose to go to the future. Maybe we'll meet this guy. Talk about that later. Travel beyond Earth

and into the Dreamlands. While in the Dreamlands, he met the Arlithotep, who revealed to him Azathoth, the Outer God, and the power of those two encounters created a being who would live on in the dreamlands, reincarnated throughout time as a powerful reflection of Alhazred, known as the Mad Poet. He comes out holding his book, and he doesn't acknowledge you. Even at first, he's just maybe walking over

to a small potted plant beside his door and begins tending to it. You are, as you mentioned, on the brink of death. It seems like you have a second to yourselves. What, if anything, do you do? While Suki is calling everybody over, she realizes Ethel isn't there and is a little confused about that,

but she is also not doing great on hit points, and she's going to have everybody huddle up and hold hands. Everyone hold hands. Oh, Eldo, here. I don't want to hold his hands. I'll hold your hands. Everyone hold hands. Oh, Eldo, here. I don't want to hold his hands. I'll hold your hands. We have to. They've just been in river water. They're no longer coated in blood. This is the fucking thing. It's like

you've had the worst day of your life and you're about to die and then out of the distance, Charles Manson shows up. Eldo! That's what this is like. Be cool. Don't be uncool. Be cool, Eldo. Aldo. That's what this is like. Be cool. Don't be uncool. All right. Be cool, Aldo.

All right. Thank you. All right. I'm going to channel and we can all heal at least a little. I'm at full health. We didn't need this.

Why is he even in a circle? He doesn't need any healing. Alright. And we'll hold hands too, Aldo. It's the only way for the spell to work. Oh, right. Here we go. And I'm just gonna heal fifth level, but I'm making everyone hold hands because there's a lot of tension.

making everyone hold hands, because there's a lot of tension. A little team-building exercise. Like a kindergarten teacher, making everyone be friends. So that's going to be 5d8, and that is 29 hit points that everybody gets back. Nice. Well, you're still very low. Down a lot.

Well, that's all I got. Are you with him? Me? No, I'm with you, Atticus. Don't you remember? I was there from almost the start. Well, I was there actually kind of around the same time you joined up. How did you find him?

He was there like 30 minutes after you appeared. Am I the only original cast member? Yes. By the way, Eric, the head of the Green Loser is on the tree. I heard. Oh, yeah, let's check out this tree. Angeline, as usual, knocked it out of the park.

Oh! So cool. Of course, now the tree is dead. It can only be a T-shirt. It shall live on eternally. As much. As much As much Um Y'all healed up and feeling good and feeling strong?

No Wait, he's not coming toward us right now He's just like, maybe talking to a little plant Next to his door Like he should know we're here But he doesn't, like that kind of a thing? You would assume he's pretty well aware But but he doesn't seem to be bothered. He just doesn't give a...

I have other heal spells, but I would like to hold on to them. I do. I have my... You would like to hold on to them? After seeing this dude, we are going to need to heal more, I'm sure. Those are her rainy day spells. Yeah, it's my rainy day fun. I'm waiting to see if we run into some of my actual friends who need them.

I mean, truth be told, I could use a little healing. No, you don't. Do I have to? I do have several elixirs of moderate life, which I could share with the party. Oh, okay. I have eight. Eight? I'll take two, thank you. Two for me as well, please. Oh, okay. I have eight. Eight? I'll take two, thank you.

Two for me as well, please. Go ahead, man. No, no, no. May I have two? Yes. Two for... How many points is moderate again? Someone dropped an elixir of life. Now there's only seven.

There were only eight! We're down to seven elixirs. I needed that. You know what? I won't take one. Now we only have seven. There were only eight! We're down to seven elixirs. I needed that. You know what? I won't take one. Now we only have seven. Suki doesn't need one. That was serious.

I don't need one. Good. Five D6 plus 12? Yeah, correct. These will last a while, right? I'll just hang down to mine. That's fine. Two each, so that's for how much?

Who is this guy? These are moderate, so 5d6 plus 12. Eris is going to take two. Atticus will take two. Aldo, you're still down, right? Yeah, I am. I take two myself, so that will bring me up to... Two. Okay.

Two. If I can get two, if Ferbal doesn't take mine, that'll give me a... Okay, I'm taking Ferbal's. What? I'm just taking that? Well, fine. We can... All right, who... You hold them.

If you're good, you can have one. Oh, I'm very good. No, you're not good at killing. Like, genuinely good. I'm also good at dancing. You're japer-y. All right. He has one, too.

Thank you. I just don He hands one to him. Thank you. I just don't want to have you anymore. Something about these elixirs of life gets like... Oh, no. Oh, God. Now there's two of them. Something about these elixirs of life has calmed the tearing and shredding

within Atticus's mind. Then he's focusing in and sees this tiny murder clown here in Ethel missing. Some sort of dreamlands plane shifting. And has seen the way he's acting right now

and he does not understand the weight of the situation. So suddenly as he begins to think clearly, he's like, Yeah, verbal hop. Just so suddenly as he begins to think clearly he's like yeah verbal hug just don't speak that man over there

the gardener yes it's interesting he said that the gardener he has the power Yes. Yes. And it's interesting he said that. God, he has the power to destroy your mind with a word. Dread lightly. It is best if you remain unseen. He is, how do I put this? He does not wish.

He must be treated as a king All respect The gardener All honor Yes The gardener king Think of him like that We must bow before him Do you understand?

If we do not, he will kill us. Okay. What makes me happy is that I know he will do exactly as I have said. Yeah. You can rest easy now that you've explained the situation to Tiny Murder Club. Yeah.

Whatever you say, Atticus. Don't worry, I'll help you. My second oldest friend? Yes, Atticus. Don't worry, I'll help you. My second oldest friend. Yes, it is... It is good to have you back. Oh, thank you. There is... You brighten a room, unlike effort.

Thank you. It tends to darken every experience. He was just... You've never been divorced, have you, tiny motor clown? Never. I've never hardly even, have you, Tani Moda Clown? Never. I've never hardly even been on a date. Same. A lot of people don't like me for some reason.

Same. Yeah? Yeah. It's awful. It is awful. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Paris is so shitty right now.

It's crazy. What is happening? Did we just become best friends? We did. Ethel stood by you. I can have friends. Yes, you can. I don't see no ring on this finger. By the way, check out the Tiny Murder Cloud

pawn. This will be... Oh, wow. I love it. This is the first peek at a Series 2 pin of Tiny Murder Club. Oh, my God. Available at Gen Con. Oh, my God.

Suki also says, my name is Suki Oriana Sote. This is Pepsi, my snake. Oh, nice. And she shows you Pepsi, who's a giant boa constrictor. Oh. Not giant, giant. It's a snake. Yeah, it's a big snake. Don't at me. It's a snake. Yeah, it's a big snake.

Don't at me. It's a snake of indeterminate size. Well, hi, Suki. I'm Ferbo Haas. It's nice to meet you. Pleasure. Oh, a pleasure. I just say that. Aww.

People are mean to me sometimes. See? You know, it sucks. Well, now I feel bad. You know who was nice to me? No. Ethel. Really?

Yeah. I don't know Ethel. Huh. I knew Sir Julie. He was standing in this very spot before you showed up. And I knew Mrs. Old Lady before that. I don't know who that is. That's some old broad.

The funny thing is, when I knew her, she didn't know who she was either, so who cares? She was old, and thus her soul was not that enticing. She sounds boring. Yeah, she was boring. But she's dead now, apparently, so who cares? Atticus. What?

Should we approach? Yes. All right, take the lead. And he looks around to be like, Ethel? And he's like, oh, no. Oh, this is awful. This is terrible. But this man holds the secrets to everything.

He will begin to walk across the sand toward the gardener king. You take about five, six feet of a step towards him. I do a perception check on the square in front of me. That's a six. He speaks. And he says,

So, Aldo Casamere, Atticus Grimm, and Verbal Horse, you have returned to my oasis. and verbal horse. You have returned to my oasis,

but yet now you come with new traveling companions. How did you two get tied up in their journey? He looks at Sugi and Eris.

Um, Mr. Sir? Your... Mr. Sir. Mr. Sir. Your... Is there like a burger chain out here in the Pacific Northwest? Your Highness, I was captive

by a terrible man, Niral Twiceborn, and these people saved me, and I owe them a debt. Hey, sir. Hello, sir. I was stuck in the dreamlands, and these people got me out. Turns out all you had to do was die.

He thinks about that for a moment. Then he peers back at Aldo and Atticus and Ferbil and as he looks at you, you can feel his gaze almost has like pressure on your chest. And then it seems like he realizes something. And he says, ah, you do not remember your previous experience here. Your previous experience here. You three accompanied Count Hazardous Lowell's a few years ago. Along with others, an old woman named Cartha Malasword.

And an orc named Burl. I believe he was a half-orc. No, he wasn't. If my memory serves me, he could more like a quarter-orc. It would be foolish

to correct me. It was a joke, sir. I'm sorry, Mr. Sir. So sorry, jokes. Sorry, Mr. Sir. Sorry, Mr. Sir. Medium rare, please. Sorry, Mr. Sherry. You came with Count Lowles when he presented me

with the same gifts that you bring with you now. Please, place your gifts on the bench beside my door. So, at this invitation, Aldo steps up, and he's shaking with fear in this person's presence. And he does an elaborate bow. And he says in perfect syntax, but horrific accent, As-salamu alaykum.

And he greets him in Arabic. And he turns, and he says in Arabic, and he says, it is good to see you again. And here are the gifts that you required. Bottlecap. Damn, he's good. Damn, he's good.

He regards you wide-eyed, but you can see, perhaps just for a fleeting moment, a little respect. He gestures towards the bench and starts to walk away from the hut toward the pool of water. Do you step forward and place the gifts on the bench? Yes. Am I supposed to give a gift to you? No, no. Okay, okay. Your silence is gift enough.

We have five out of six, right? So, like, maybe... No. Six out of seven. Okay. Well, like, maybe one... We can each have one to put down at least.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah. I mean, it's fun. You think this is a baby shower? This is life and death, dude. No, but it's not like we all contributed, you know? He's trying to pull the classic, like, oh, I got that too. Can I put my name on that card?

Can I write my name on the card? It's from all of us. It's from all of us. Can we all walk up together with one hand? But, like, in that gesture where it's kind of like we all walk up together with one hand? But like in that gesture Where it's kind of like we all contributed Totally You want to take credit for the gifts

Yeah, who gets what? Who wants the best gift? I paid for the tricorn hat I want the red webbed feet Those are gross Are you place all the gifts I like this idea of all of you walking towards the hut. Maybe

one of you deigns to dare even look inside the hut and you're just like, your eyes won't even let you look in there. Oh no. He looks over at the gifts. Is he counting them?

Can you count? He takes his tone, his ominous leather covered book and regards it for a moment. And then he walks right up to the five of you.

And one at a time, he offers the book for you to hold. First, starting with Atticus. Do you take it? You offer it to me freely. You stole that from Skip. He was going to say that. Your greatness, I heartily apologize

for not remembering our first encounter. Something has clouded my mind and I I apologize. I don't know that I am worthy of holding the book but if it is your wish

truly that I take it I will. I am your servant. He bows his head. And he offers. And he takes it. You take the book, you hold it in your hand,

and you look up at him, and he's still holding a copy as well. He's got chills. He then walks over to Aldo and presents the book to you. and Aldo reaches out and takes it, and he says, I thank you for this gift, honored friend, in Arabic. Again, and he takes it. I'll give you another bottle, Kevin.

Yeah, all right. That was good. Same thing, you go and take it, and then you look up at him, and he's still holding his copy. And he walks over to Ferbal Hoss and offers the book. Mr. Sir? Atticus in his head is going, I know what you'd call a big reader.

Are there pictures in this book? He just looks at you. Okay, here you go. I'll take it. I'll take the book. Take the book. God damn it. Then he goes over to Eris and offers the book.

I feel like it looks like a creepy looking book. It's big and creepy. Oh, yeah. So she's wide-eyed and holds out her chicken hand feet. Feet and hands. These creepy little claws grab the book. Just waiting and ready. And then finally to Suki.

She takes it. Does, Mr. Sir, does, does Pepsi need one as well? Also for the puppet. I also have a friend. And Pepsi looks up. Puppy eyes.

Oh, no. If Pepsi gets one, where the hedgehog gets one as well. He can read. I always forget. We all have so many companions. I know. I had a hamster, but it died.

No, Mr. Sir, never mind It seems unimportant now Thank you for the book Assalamualaikum He lets you guys work that out for yourselves As he glares at you I show Pepsi the book Then he steps back And speaking to you now

As a group, he says, What do you rely on most in your life? Your health? Your might? Clear thought? Influence? Understanding? Clear thought. Influence. Understanding. Or quickness.

What was the second one? Might. What? Might. Might. Sorry. Might. Your health.

Health. Your might. Clear health. Your might. Clear thought. Influence. Understanding. Or quickness. We have one chance at this. Do we all have to answer?

If we think of J. Edgar Hoover, J. Edgar Hoover will appear and destroy us. Let's get the right answer. Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's natural for each of our characters to rely on different ones of these. I do too. Yeah, he wants you to be. Like, a bunch of them are total bullshit. Like, understanding. He's not going to be here next time.

Don't worry about him. He doesn't get a vote. He's not going to be here next time, so don't worry about him. He does get a boat. The rest of us, we need to think about what they say. Here, look, I think understanding. Before, if we don't have understanding, we can't act intelligently on any of these threats that we come across. Mr. Sir, do we all need to answer the same?

No. Oh. Well, I stand across. Mr. Sir, do we all need to answer the same? No. Oh. I stand corrected. Yes, you do. I mean, I'm ready. I have my answer. I have my answer. Wait, wait.

Oh, see. Can we lie? You could try. I'll take that as a no. Okay. Eris, what have you chosen? Influence. Who's next?

Clear thought. Clear thought. Quickness to me. Quickness. Quickness. No, quickness. I pick quickness. Oh, sorry, Atticus. I pick quickness.

Oh, sorry, Atticus. I gotta be quick. Clear. False. Which is made much more challenging with Tiny Murder Clown around. Suki says, understanding. And then he looks at Aldo Casimir.

And, again, in a horrific accent, he says, fahum, understanding. In Arabic. For what it's worth, I think our missing friend would have said might.

It is worth nothing. Okay, thank you so much. Thank you. He was clearly only meant to get us this far. His part in this tale is over. He's dying too on a boat.

Is that the guy that was punching? Yes. You what? Baby dying three. Nothing, no, nothing. Nothing? Emotions. You look good.

To each of you to open the book and as you open the book and as you answer clear thought understanding quickness influence

you begin to flip through the pages of the tome in your hands the symbols and letters just dance across the page. It looks like everything is moving and nothing makes sense. But not unlike the feeling you got when this tree blasted you with knowledge, you feel this overwhelming sense that some sort of knowledge is seeping its way into your very soul.

Based on your answers, you each have permanent plus two bonuses to certain ability scores. Whoa! Eris, you choose influence. You get a plus two to charisma. Okay. Oh, Harris. Tiny murder clown.

Tiny murder clown, you chose quickness. Yeah. You get a plus two to dexterity. Oh, my God. Suki and Aldo, you chose understanding. You get a plus two to wisdom and I am shocked that Joe didn't fuck this up

I know what minigame what I said I said he is going to be so angry when he chooses wisdom clear thought is intelligence. Yes! Oh, he needs it. He needs it.

Shit. Damn it. This information bombards you and you feel like you're hyperventilating with it all. And you have to like wince and close your eyes to kind of stop. It's not even a pain.

It's like maybe a masochistic pleasure pain. And then when you open your eyes, you look, and the book is no longer in your hands. And the mad poet says, Laos seekseks a city Called Neruzavan If you wish to learn

Of its location In your world You must seek the writings In the Necronomicon And he points To the book in his hands And he says my copy However is of no use To you and he points to the book in his hands and he says, my copy, however, is of no use to you. And he ripples through the pages

and you see they are all blank. However, you can peruse the genuine Necronomicon at a university of the occult called the Mysterium in the Kadyran city of Kthir. I provided the same information to the Count that I just shared with you, so Laos is most likely headed to Kthir to obtain the Necronomicon as well. However, the man, Laos, that you seek is not what he seems. what he seems.

The great old one, Shaman Dor, has infected him. I believe that he intends to use the star stelae in both Threshmore and Neruzavan to mock Golarion

so that it can be brought into Carcosa. Doing so would help fully awaken Jamundor. And Laos would become the great old once champion for completing the task. He looks at each of you. He looks over at his hut he looks at the reflecting pool and what remains of the tree our time here

is coming to an end but before it does I would like to offer you one more thing in return for your gifts. Though you seek Laos, I can see that you also seek more. You seek truth and your memories. Either those that were taken from you or those you chose to bury, to suppress. I would like to give you a chance to taste the future as well as the past. By allowing you all to speak.

With the king. Of Narusavan. Step. Into the waters. Of the oasis. The king. Lies. Within.

And he folds his hands and stares at you all. Well, I was going to ask him something. But that seemed pretty final. Also, if we step in there, we get all the knowledge of our past. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Seems to be what he's implying. Memories. I must know. I must know what happened. Atticus will start to walk toward the pool. No, wait! Atticus! I grab him by the shoulders.

I want to go first. I can see you have a greater wisdom. No. Let my wisdom be the guide your way. I'm content to watch. For right now. Suki. Oh, I...

Here I go. Oh, I'll go. I just want to wait for one of these. Oh, yeah, no, I'm going to watch first, and then I'm going to go. Oh, for sure, for sure, for sure. Oh, I'll go. I just want to wait for one of these people. Oh, yeah, no, I'm going to watch first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm going to go sing. Oh, for sure, for sure, for sure. Oh, I'm going in. Just after that guy. Right, right.

How's the water? Aldo and Atticus, appropriately, step in first. step in first and when you do you look down and you see in the reflection a scene playa a scene

of the last time that you were here at the oasis when the mad poet made the same offer to Laos. Step into the waters to speak with the king of Nur-Uzavan.

But you watch in the reflection as Laos steps in and drags each of you as well and shoves your face into the pool. And then you just like imagine we had a camera looking up at your reflection as you're like drowning and writhing under the water

until finally both of your faces go blank and distant. And a thin mist then leaches from the heads of your reflections. And the mists contain images like these vignettes that are just back to back to back of lulls like shaking your hand. Aldo, Atticus, Burl, Mrs. O'Lady, Furble, and Halster in a busy market. Then all of you arriving at Iris Hill. All of you performing various unsavory tasks at Lyle's direction. Killing, in some instances. And then finally, seeing Lyle's

bringing you in a semi-catatonic state to Briarstone Asylum. Verbal, Eris and Sugi, you're waiting and you're watching and you see them just looking at these reflections. Do you join them? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, literally, Troy? Wriggling is what I do eighth best. That's true. That's pre-established. Pre-established. That's canon. Canon. That's true. That's pre-established. It's not canon. Canon. It's canon.

Go ahead and put your... I want to see where you guys are standing near the pool. Okay. That must be just totally normal and regular. We've got this beautiful map. We might as well use it. So I imagine we went up to the guy first in the bench, so maybe Eris would be there. Okay, so Eris steps would be there. Okay,

so Eris steps to sort of the far right. Oh, no. Tiny murder clown. I'm actually going to go over here. Atticus will step behind tiny murder clown and just like push him into the pool ahead of him. Oh, splish splash.

Step into the pool and of him. Oh, splish splash. Step into the pool and Ferbil, you see everything that they saw because you went through all of this with Laos and you're just bombarded by these memories that immediately when you see them, they become familiar.

Suki and Eris, you see things in the water as well. Suki, we see you climbing a tree with a young girl, a young elven girl that looks just like you. You're young as well. Both of you are climbing and you're looking at her. Perhaps she's climbing a little faster than you. Then you get to the top. You stand on a branch and we just see something happen between the two of

you and an argument ensues and it gets heated very quickly to the point where she pushes you and then you with all your strength push her, but she loses her footing and slips. You try to reach out to grab her, but it's too late, and she falls from the branch, a hundred feet down to the ground, and lies in a broken pile. Eris, you see yourself lost in a forest somewhere. There's a girl with you as well, younger, similar features to you, but you both look hurt, emaciated. And then you come to a clearing in the forest,

and an old woman emerges from the darkness up ahead. She has a pack on her back with bones sticking out of it and carries a long broom with a strange totem at the end of it. She walks over to you, Eris, and sees your wounds. Maybe you got like a cut on your leg and she just rubs her hand across the cut and as she does, it disappears. But we see like an energy transfer happen as she does that, like energy from her hand is entering you. Maybe your eyes are closed, wincing from this pain, but when she finishes, they dart open

and there is a connection between you and this old woman who is immediately gone. From there we cut to the interior of a house where two people lie asleep in a bed together. An older man and a woman. As they adjust themselves in their sleep, we can see that they have the telltale marks of being flesh warps. Maybe the older woman even has a neck mouth like you. And as we see them sleeping, we pan around to where Eris is standing, staring at them with that same glare in her eyes

with which she looked at the old woman. Your hands go out toward them, your fingers splayed as you cast Or the old woman. Your hands go out toward them, your fingers splayed as you cast Org in sight and can see inside of them at their vital areas. And then you watch yourself

butcher them in their sleep. That's some dark shit, man damn kate i was in a prison on the moon it's a prison on the moon man you all watch these things happen and the mists are now all intermingling with each other, coiling beneath the water. And then the mists start to rise to the surface. And when they break the surface, Aldo, Atticus, and Ferbal suddenly regain all of their memories. Oh, shit. Whoa.

In like a dizzying flash. Everything they forgot about themselves immediately comes back. Ooh. And you're just sitting there wide-eyed yet again, third time in like ten minutes where you've been bombarded by too much knowledge. A lot has happened today. and then you look back down at the water and your reflections

are still there but they're staring at you blankly until all of a sudden every single one of your reflections reaches out of the water at you rover

no no reaches out of the water at you. Rover initials. No! No! It's gonna be so bad. This is so bad. Oh, man. This is no good. I've done some things I regret.

Like coming here now. It's party time, folks. Let's fucking go. Aldo, what'd you get, buddy? 18 for Aldo. 18. Tiny Murtaclone. I got a 34.

34! Tell them where you got this die That rolled that sweet nat 19 The folks at Ritual Cast Miz thank you for this die It rolled a 19 on it's first roll Thank you Natty 19 Aris 14

Atticus I was very excited about this die That I got Ooh. Atticus. I was very excited about this die that I got in L.A. That was your first mistake. God. To feel joy. To feel joy. 20.

20. Okay. Suki. 19. Oh. Brutal. Brutal initiative. Terrible.

You all laughed when Tiny Murder Clown showed up, but he won initiative. Yeah. There you go. No, we need him right now. Like, this is great. There are certain situations where you're glad Charles Manson is there. There are very few, but this is one of them.

Like if you're recording a Beach Boys album? Yeah, like for example, yes. Pet Sounds is missing something. Where's Charlie? You can all see your reflection standing right in front of you. Tiny Murder Clown, what the hell do you want to do? Stop looking at me! And I'm going to flurry up Lowe's this thing.

You're going to punch yourself? What? You're going to punch yourself? Why are you punching yourself? Stop hitting yourself. Why are you punching yourself? First is a 31. A 31.

Second is a 23. That is a hit and a miss. What? Hit and a miss. This is a hit and a miss. What? Hit and a miss. This is the flurry of blows, right? Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Shaboom.

Shaboigan. I got a total of 27 points of damage. 27 points. Let's wipe that smile off your face, you little shit. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. I hate you. Now I see why everyone hates me, god damn it. You punch away, and you still have one action left.

Oh, um, oh, how about a third attack? 21 is a miss, right, how about a third attack? 21 is a miss, right? 21 is a miss. You know, you stupid, slimy, squealy little shit. Punch away at this thing. Aldo, you see your reflection. Look at you and smile. Oh, man.

As it then looks at Eris with the same anger that you've been looking at Eris with lately. Sidebar? Sidebar? I don't play as often as you guys. I have Stunning Fist.

He needs to make a DC 27 save or else he's stunned. Is that a will save or a fortitude save? Okay, okay. Natural one. Oh! Oh, oh, oh! I hope you drown, you stupid son of a bitch!

It's not really. It's not really. It's not really. It's a natural one. We like to just shoehorn Nick in, but I haven't had a lot of chances yet to use the board. All right, so just

trying to get the fortune to save where I am stunned one or stunned three on a crit failure. Oh, shit. Yeah. Print failure? Oh, shit. I can't wait until you move to Minnesota.

Go Vikings, I guess. Wow, stunt three. All right, so it is going to be out of commission for a round. You know, I've always thought I must have the most delicious soul. Aldo's reflection, like I said, looked at Aldo and smiled almost like you were friends and teammates. And then it takes a step back and throws a bomb at Eris. No! No! What?

No! What kind of bomb do I want to throw? How about a little bottle of lightning? No, that's my thing. All right, not a great roll. That is a 22 to hit, Eris. Miss. All right.

All right, I will throw a second one. Horrible roll, 17. Miss. All right, so two bottled lightnings come at Eris, Horrible roll, 17. Miss. All right, so two bottled lightnings come at Eris, and he gives a kind of angry, like Skid would be if he missed two bottles of lightning. Try to imagine if you can. All right, it is now Atticus's reflection.

Uh, should I ask about splash damage? Yes. I think you should. Okay, the way Joe said it to me made it seem like it was going to be good for us, but now I realize it's bad for us. Oh, I thought for a second you were, like, improving. No. I was like, should I

mention the splash damage? And she went, definitely. Alright, so Aris and Aldo take four points of splash damage. Actually, eight points of splash damage? And she went, definitely. Alright, so Eris and Aldo take four points of splash damage. Actually, eight points of splash damage. Is it or is it only the person that you were attacking? No.

He's just like you, so if you can choose, you can choose. Yeah, no, it's only the target. Only the target. I'm going to hit everyone around. Okay, great. So then that is going to be eight points of damage to Eris. Electricity damage. Thank you, Joe. You on a miss. On a miss. Okay, great. So then that is going to be eight points of damage to Eris. Electricity damage. Thank you, Joe. You're a good teacher's pet.

I like you so much it's going to be your reflection's turn. And let's see. He is standing right next to you and he looks at you and he does exactly what you do when you cast your spell.

Thank you so much. How many times did you look in the mirror back in the day when you were practicing? Dude, not just in the mirror. This is not the first time we've done this, is it? He casts a spell on you, and I need you to roll a Fortitude save.

That's gotta be the worst possible one. Oh. Actually, it's not. Okay. Here we go. Fortitude save. I don't know which terrible die to use. Fortitude save.

Oh! Oh! Is my reflection also stupefied, too? No. Took a shot. 34. Oh, 34. All right, this is a line effect.

Suki, I need you to roll it as well. Oh. For the tooth save. Okay. That's going to be a well. Oh. For the tooth save. Okay. That's gonna be a 31. 31 you both saved.

Yeah. Against Enervation. Oh my god. So that's still going to be 2d8 persistent negative damage

even on a success. Oh my god. So is this an exact replica of me at my level with all my shit? Don't worry about it.

Oh, dude, you guys are fucked. This is going to be bad. All right, so two to you. Just stun him. Persistent negative damage. And then he's going to take a step back to the side to create a little distance between you and the rest of the party.

And then it would have been Tiny Murder Clown's reflection's turn, but he's stunned three. Yeah, what's up? I'll see you next round. It's fake Eris's turn. No, not fake Eris. I'm so mad right now. You asked us for like a PDF of our character sheets.

Yeah. You're like, that's why. There's such new track. There's some notes. I just need to make a couple... We've responded. I just need to make a couple secret checks, you guys. Oh my God.

Exactly. I just wanted to get recall knowledge right for the first time ever. Gotcha. Gotcha. I'm making you all Easter gifts. I want to have your character sheets framed so you can hang them on your walls. Fake Eris stands back and belches forth a swarm of vermin.

No. It's going to be a 30-foot cone, so I'd like a basic reflex save from Eris Aldo and Tiny Murder Clown. What? No. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh. Ah. Okay. And Sugi.

31. What don't you like? Atticus is going to use... Can he use a reaction before he acts? Yes. One for a round. I'm not 100% sure. Crowd, can he use a reaction before he acts? Yes One per round I'm not 100% sure Crowd, can he use a reaction before he acts? Intuition

Very mixed reaction I thought like flat footed Before your turn was not a thing anymore It's not But it may be a different rule about reactions You can use one reaction per round I wish we had some sort of source of authority here.

A state that can answer these questions. Here it is. Once your first turn begins, you gain your actions and reactions. Yes. Alright, great. Good to know. The answer's yes. But because you didn't know, I won't let you use it. What are you going to do? Uh...

I love that you went to the crowd first before you asked Eric. I actually kind of like that too. If I'm being honest. What did you do? 29. What are you doing? Just reflex it.

29? I can't do the reactions. Suki. 24. That's a fail. Can I say it? Just reflex it. 29? Okay, do the reaction. Suki. 24. That's a fail. Can I say it? 31. 31.

Natural 20. I was shaking everything! Yes! That's a 39 if it matters. All right, so Mona, you take no damage. Who failed? matters. Alright, so, Mona, you take no damage. Who failed? Suki, you take 11 points of damage, and you're sickened

one, and then five points of damage for Eris and Atticus. I hate that all your names sound very similar. Yeah, I gotta start killing some of you guys. Thank you. Alright. Alright, that was a two-action situation, and Thank you Alright Alright that was a

A two action situation And then Eris's reflection will also stand back God you guys are all such a shitty initiative I have to go again It's Fake Suki's turn Alright Fake Suki

Oh sorry I don't recognize fake Suki. No, she's so used to you denigrating her every time you speak to her. That was just an instinctive reaction. Fake Suki. How about a hydraulic torrent? That sounds fun. Oh, that's a high-level spell I have.

Sure is. I'm going to move into position so I can hit a ton of you. Hydraulic torrent. I get to make a save. so I can hit a ton of you. Hydraulic Torrent. I get to make a save. Is going to be a 60-foot line. Man. Oh, my God. That's beautiful.

That's going to be a PC-only fight. It's really fun. Wait, did I move real Suki? What? Fuck, where was Suki? I'm there. Is that where she was? Yeah.

Oh, shit. You can't do your little line, can you? I guess I can just do that So it's going to be Atticus and Sooks Atticus and Sooks Give me a fortitude save Don't worry I know the DC Because it's my spell

Is it I don't know I'm due I'm due No No I'm due, I'm due. No! Of course, on the one spell that will make me lose my turn, this is horrendous. What did you get? What was it, Fortitude?

Yeah, 21. 21. And Sooks? 30. All right, 30 is a pass, 21 is a fail against Hydraulic Torrent. So you're going to take some bludgeoning damage to the tune of 8d6. Oh no! This is so... Yummy! 30 points

of damage to Atticus, 15 points of damage to Selkie! Why? Why is this happening? This guy was just giving us knowledge. Why? You questioning? The mad poet. Yeah, yeah.

Sorry. That's another elixir that just fell. Oh, no. We have six left. We have six. When Suki got hit, it fell out of her purse. Stop, please. They're very important.

Please stop dropping them. I let Pepsi hold one. That was a mistake. He doesn't have hands. All right, Suki, you passed. However, Atticus, on your failure, you get pushed back five feet as well. And now, finally, I can take a break

and just listen to you guys do stuff. Atticus, what do you want to know? He's like, fuck! He gets hit in the back with this hydraulic torrent but at least he keeps I mean so he's just standing in this pool yeah he'll look across at his reflection

in melee basically eye to eye like I said he's done this before everything you do he does yeah exactly he is if you remember, he worked on images of himself to use as illusions and distractions.

And he looks across at the illusory version of himself, but he feels something deeper. Something that tells him that this creature is him, and he hates him. And he is going to really find out if this creature is him. Because he is going to really find out

if this creature is him. Because he is going to cast... He begins casting and says, let us find out. Shall we? With such hate dripping in his eyes, and he casts Phantasmal Killer on himself.

Oh, shit. You know what you're scared of, buddy. Yeah, I sure do. Okay. Yeah, so as he casts the spell, the, uh, well, I don't know if this thing even has a mind, but basically,

he begins to see everyone of his family and friends, every rat folk that he grew up with that he stepped on and threw to the side in his attempt to become loved and admired and famous among rich people, among rich humans. His desire to be this famous illusionist. He just shed all of these relationships. His sister, his 19 brothers, he just fucking stepped on all of them along the way

and didn't give two shits. And the image is them rising out of the water to just start stabbing this thing to death in revenge for what he had done to them. And yeah, you need to roll a will save. It's time to bring out old neon green. Oh, no. Will save.

Troy's gonna roll. Troy's gonna roll. You're totally through with me. 24. Oh! 24 he's got the app out there's so many dice he's hitting it so many times so many times

if this thing can take this kind of damage, he takes 86 mental damage, which totals 27 points of damage. Nice. And he is frightened 2. Oh, shit. Frightened 2.

Okay. Still up. Do I have to roll anything else? No, only if you critically fail You could possibly die on the spot Yikes I'm just happy he failed at all Because I'm

What did you forget? I am cursed Oh, that's right. I just want roleplay and have fun. You're stupefied. Instead, this dumb game makes me have to stop. Right here. I'm sitting right here, Joe.

I'm a fucking fan! Would you like... I rolled a natural seven. I rolled a natural seven? I rolled a natural six. Would you like to use your Seattle bottle cap? I have a Seattle bottle cap? Do you have bottle caps?

Yes. Should I give him one? All right! I love you guys! Natural seven! I'll get it! Oh my god, he did it! He did it!

Joe's got it, Joe. Joe's got it, Joe. You're a good man, LaValley. I don't care what they say about you. I'll talk. We have a lot to say. Alright, so Frighten 2, 27 points of damage, and you are bottle capless.

Yeah, that's true. Which is the most important part. Do you have any actions left, my friend? Yeah, sure does, good buddy. Sure does. And he is going to create distance. So he is going to move away from this entire

encounter in an attempt. Good luck, everyone! Okay. Atticus creates some space right to the edge of the map. And there he goes. He's off the map. And there he goes. He's off the map.

Yeah, no, he's just trying to step away because he sees that we're now in a fight against quite a few casters and powerful ranged combatants. So he's trying to make it so that there aren't clumps of allies together to mess with. It is now Suki's turn.

Okay, Suki's turn. Okay. Suki is going to first retch, because I need to not be sick anymore. Fuck. Going to retch again? That's a 23, Fortitude. Wait, so to remove Sicken, it's just another Fortitude save

against the original DC of the John? No, I thought it was. Am I wrong? Oh, you're just rolling dice? Joe is making big hand motions. I spend a single action retching. You can willingly spend an action. Attempt a fortitude save against the DC of the effect that made you sickened. That's what I, yeah, that's what I just asked.

What are you doing big hand motions for, Joe? You failed. Cool. Sidebar. Yes. I have persistent negative damage. You do. 2d8.

2d8. Persistent neg. Nine points of damage. Natty. Failure. Damn it. So that remains persistent. Thank you for being honest.

All right, Supes. You retched and failed. That's one action. Thank you for being honest. All right, Sooks, you wretched and failed. That's one action. Cool. That's awesome. Then I'm going to cast Electric Orc at Sookie, the other Sookie, not myself. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No? Go ahead. Okay.

And Atticus, the illusion or double Atticus, because I can do two creatures. So you need to make a reflex save. Okay. All right, so you're casting against who? Atticus and? Suki. Atticus and Suki. This is very confusing.

It's not that confusing. You're not on my side. It's an arc. It leaps. Here we go. First roll for Atticus is a 28. That's it. Second roll for Atticus is a 28. Second roll for Suki is a

22. That fails. Nice. So that is going to be what did I roll? 16, 17, 18 points of electricity damage to Suki and then half that to Atticus. Nine. Nine to Atticus. And that's my turn.

Fake Atticus is fucked up. Good. Nine. Nine to Atticus. And that's my turn. Fake Atticus is fucked up. Good. Ah! Yes! He looks at me, he's just like, you're so weak, so pathetic. I know. I know. I know. I know. You're in a

terrible position. I would rearrange yourself away from this conference. Bye, will you? Mookie, you take two points of negative energy damage. Give me a flat check. Okay. Eight. Eight. All right, so you will continue

taking it. Sorry. Why did you make that sound awful? It sounded weird. It is now Aldo's turn. Hooray. Aldo will take a five-foot step back from the pool. Okay.

And he saw this hatred in his reflection's eyes towards Eris. And he's sort of a... He's seeing like him seeing himself in this way from this perspective he's ashamed that he's just like it's just like oh like if even if this did happen if this was

Eris's a result of of something that had happened to Eris it's not necessarily her fault it's not something I not necessarily something I can blame her for. And so this, in addition to his suddenly increased wisdom

has an effect on how he sees the world. And he's going to take a step back and he's going to toss a bottle of lightning at himself. Okay. Wow. Very cathartic moment there. It just took your own reflection

fighting you to realize the error of your ways. That is a 31 to hit. That is a hit. Alright. Alright. That is 11 points of electricity damage. Okay. And my self

is flat footed And my self is flat-footed. Uh, until... My self is flat-footed. Until the beginning of my turn. Okay. Uh, you got one more action there. All right. Uh, so now I'm gonna throw

an alchemist's flyer at my... Oh, and there's, uh, four points of damage to... to the reflexive Atticus. Next, it's Atticus, right? No, it's Tiny Murder. Oh, no,'s four points of damage to the Reflexive Atticus. It's Atticus, right? No, it's Tiny Murder Clown. A little splash to the clown. The real clown or the fake one?

Fake clown. Thank God. Four clown splashes. And that is a 29 to hit with the alchemist fire. That's another hit, buddy. Nice. You're hot. Okay, that is 16 points of fire damage.

And four points of splash damage to the reflection of Tiny Murder Clown. And my reflection is on fire and suffering persistent fire damage. Wow! I love it! I love it! You guys are having a great round. We're our own worst enemies. Yeah.

And remember how every combat in this AP we always almost die immediately when we fight anything? Finally! Yeah, I know. Only one Every combat in this AP, we always almost die immediately when we fight anything? Finally. Yeah. I know. Only one can stand. Eris, you are up.

There can only be one, so I'm going to fire off one magic missile. Okay. Just one? Just one, because I'm going to do something else, obviously. At yourself? Yeah, at myself. Okay. Give one? Just one, because I'm going to do something else, obviously. At yourself? Yeah, at myself. Okay. Give me that damage.

So that's three points of damage. And then... Wait, I want to make this clear. I'm firing it at the poppet. Ooh. Oh, yeah. Three points of damage to her puppet, to her familiar. How dare you?

And with that, I see where it is, I guess. So I cast, use two actions, rip the spirit on that familiar. You think you can just come up here and play my character better than me? Three points of damage to the poppet How many hit points does your poppet have? Oh, you don't know? I just want to know what your poppet has 45 hit points

45 hit points, okay And now you're casting Rip the Spirit on your reflection. On my reflection's poppet. On your reflection's poppet. Alrighty. So it makes a basic Fortitude save. Basic Fortitude save. And its Fortitude is plus 16.

Well, I know what its Fortitude is. I rolled another natural one. Oh! And its fortitude is plus 16. Well, I know what its fortitude is. I rolled another natural one. Yes! I'm done with the angry! You only can escape when you die! I rolled a natural one! Yes! What does this do?

Well, the poppet is drained one. Okay. You take 10d6 negative damage. Oh my god. Yeah, so I guess I roll 10d6 now. Roll your 10d6.

What happens if you kill my poppet? Are you rolling a d6? She's rolling one at a time. She's rolling one d6 at a time. She literally started by going, fuck. I can't do this. I lost count already. Yes.

43 points of damage, which means the poppet's dead. Because my spell has a death train! Body heiress, ghost heiress cannot cast spells anymore. Oh shit! Is this what it feels like to win the fucking Super Bowl? Yes! People from Seattle wouldn't know.

Here's the thing. What? Seattle game! Seattle cake! Seattle cake! Seattle cake! Seattle cake! Seattle cake! You see my skin work?

You get a bottle cap. Yeah! Very well done. We all had a good laugh at your three point magic missile and that was the deciding factor. Yeah, genius! They're learning. Do you have any other actions left?

No, that was it. That was our reaction. That was it. It is the top of round two. We're staying here all night! Tiny Milder Class! All right, that was it. It is the top of round two. We're staying here all night! Yeah! Tiny Moodle-class! This is going to be a four-hour show. All right.

Tiny Moodle-clune! So my grim reflection is knocked out right now. Stun three. Can't act. And I am mad. You look mad. Yeah. And I'm like, how could you fall for that?

Count laws, you stupid idiot! And I'm gonna flurry of blows him one more time. Okay. I'm gonna use this awesome die, which is so far rolled 19 and 20. Nice! Woo! And I rolled a fucking two. So that's not good, but I got one more.

Okay. And... Give me a second, please. So that's not good, but I got one more. Okay. Give me a second, please. That is a... Sounds like a miss. It's probably a miss. 24? It's stunned, so it doesn't have a zero.

It's A, C, sadly. So that is a miss. I'm going to change that real quick in the rules, officially. It's one I regained. Okay, okay, okay. So I miss it, and I miss. You miss. Yeah, but I have one more action yet.

What do you do? I take my hand, and I put it on the forehead of my stunned reflection, and I say, if you won't die from this, then die from drowning, you fool! And I push it under the surface of the water. So, near as I can tell what that means. I think it may be a grapple. It needs a DC, no, fuck that. It needs a DC 20. It's fucking stunned. I need a DC... No, fuck that. It needs a DC 20.

It's fucking stunned. I need a DC... Well, yeah, I don't know. Do I need to hit it? I'm not really sure. What do you want to do? I want to push it onto water and make it make a fort save or fucking die. Okay.

It's a DC 20 fort save. DC 20 fort save? Yeah. I'm going to use the roll badly. It'll lose when it's happened before. I rolled a 30. A 3? 30.

A 3? All right, it's cool. It's cool. It's cool. He doesn't drown. He doesn't drown. But he's wet now. But I'm, like, very much like I want him to.

You got him right where you want them. Yeah, that's it for me. It is Fake Aldo's turn. Fake Aldo thought that him and Real Aldo were friends. Apparently not. So Fake Aldo will stride up to Real Aldo. Does Tiny Murder Clown have a reaction? Uh, yeah. You may take said reaction if you'd like.

Uh, are you saying do I have attack power? Yes. That's the reaction I meant. That is a little different, and the answer is that I don't. You don't. This thing walks up to Aldo and just touches you. No!

I rolled another fucking natural one. Oh, my God! It was a guaranteed hit with any other draw. And it is a named character. Yeah. And is it magic? No, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a physical melee.

All right. What do you got? This one is from Daniel in Seattle, Washington. Is there a Daniel in the crowd tonight? There's probably... Daniel, I'm a party! Fuck me out! Wow! Ice cold.

Daniel, watch your back after the show! Seattle Daniel says... You're as cold as ice! Oh my God! This is amazing! It's. You're as cold as ice. Oh my god. This is amazing. It's a skin fumble. It's amazing. Orfonio.

That's a deep cut. You gotta be in. He was there. That's what happened. Orfonio. Tell who Orfonio is very quick. Orfonio, if you remember Orphan Puncher, we had a session after that.

I don't think we ever sent it out, but it was just like, it was another PFS scenario, and Orphan Puncher's next sort of evolution was he became very religious, and he invented a god named Orphonio, the god of orphans. And he was very, very fervent religiously,

but he kept switching back and forth. Anyway, yes. So as he described the deity, the dogma, everything about it, switched and flopped every round, and you had no idea what was going on. She died in her sky coffin, thus becoming her own orphan.

In that spirit, Daniel from Seattle submits Orfonio. Orfonio's horrifying visage appears momentarily, and she bedevils you with her beauty. You find yourself confused for 1d3 rounds while gazing upon her eternally finite being. Yes! May she die and be born again, that cursed goddess for whom you lust evermore. All praise Lothronio!

Yes! All praise Lothronio! I've never been happier in my life. This is amazing. Confused is phenomenal. Yeah, man. Troy, you're going to love it. The verbal component is, watch this.

Yes, exactly. Wow. Okay, so you're confused for one D3 round. Horrible. Let me roll the old D3. I know how this is going to go. Three rounds. Three rounds. Thank you, Daniel. Three rounds. Three rounds.

Thank you, Daniel. I owe you, buddy. I was already flat-footed. I'll continue to be flat-footed for another three rounds. I don't treat anyone as my ally. I can't delay, ready, or use reactions. Use all of your actions to strike or cast offensive

cantrips. And that is basically against a random target, including everyone. Right, okay. So it's a big field right now. All right, so it strides up, goes to strike to Aldo, and it's like,

oh, oh, cease this vision of a false god. Oh, Fonio! Oh, Fonio, save us! And then we'll go to attack. It's going to go to attack again. I'm going to say regular tiny murder clown is a one. Fake tiny murder clown is a two. Eris is a three.

Aldo is a four. Okay. And I'll roll it in front of Joe. Oh, that's Aldo again. Damn. All right. I'm putting me on green. Orthonio is a fickle goddess.

It's a fickle goddess. There's going to be another touch. A fickle goddess who never wavers. Yeah. All right. Praise her name and damn her to seven L's. This is a 35 to hit. That is a critical hit.

That is a critical hit. Oh, boy. All right, that is a critical hit. That is a critical hit. Oh, boy. All right, that is a critical hit. I rolled terribly. It's going to be 20 points of damage, though. Okay. What are you hitting him with? And I need a Fortitude save.

Okay. Aldo, you can just, like, unarm the tech. Yeah. 31. 31 Fortitude save. Uh, yeah. 31. 31. 31, you're okay. You just were like, immediately plagued by like, nightmares from your

past as all of your memories are rushing forward. All those memories that you suppressed are coming back and you felt a nightmare coming on and it immediately stopped. That guy's confused. For three more rounds it is now fake Atticus's turn. Please kill some of these guys.

I am exhausted. You know, it's funny, it's funny. I love us. I love our group. I love our game. Everybody's amazing. If we were smart, what a smart group would do, that doesn't care about

role-playing, would focus down, one person at a time. Everybody would just kill them, and then we'd be done, and we would have no problem. But everyone is like, I want to kill myself so bad. I want to KMS. Everyone is just attacking themselves. We're following Sydney rules.

I want to kill myself. When I took out myself, I I'm trying to... I'm trying to make you myself. When I took out myself... Well, you stopped yourself. No, no, no. You were very strategic. You did very good. Also, Joe, I just want to say, you can free action speak

and tell us who we should attack. I didn't want to. I attacked myself. I loved it. All right. I loved it. There's a certain satisfaction in attacking yourself.

Yeah, there really is. Atticus is going to stride up to Atticus, and he's going to cast Phantasmal Killer on you. Oh, no! Oh, no. Isn't he out of the spell slot because he used it already, and it's also him? You don't know what's going on back here.

No, I don't. Oh, dear. I don't. Oh, dear. This is't. Oh, dear. This is bad. All right. This involves a die roll. And how many bottle caps do you have left?

Zero, survey says. Yep. Quick, say something really funny. You do. You do. This is my L.A. die that rolled shitty before, but I'm going to give Max and, what's your name, Max and Lauren, was it? Yeah, Max and Lauren another chance. This never goes well.

Never goes well when you roll a die. He's staring at the 20. It's a beautiful, very, very old die. It has a 20-plus year history in this other game. Here it goes. Phantasmal killer. I'm not even... I'm sick.

I'm sick to my stomach. I believe it's a critical fail. I believe it is, in fact, exactly a critical fail. Well, you're not sure. My numbers may be different than yours. That is a 17. Oh! That is a regular failure. Oh! Okay, okay.

However, you're still going to take 8d6 mental damage. Yeah, I think he could die. And you will be frightened, too. So it's still not good. No, it's very, very, very bad. And you take 30 points of mental damage. I'm so mad you made up the numbers on that roll. I'm just using an online test.

He is going to die. He goes down? I hope you're prepared for this, because he is actually going to die. That sounds like you're a problem Wait, did you critically fail? No, he just failed How do you die? I think he's very low on hit points

And I have persistent death Oh no But you're also like standing near a healer, right? What's that? Are you standing near? No Ah yeah, Suki is a healer, right? What's that? Are you standing near? No. Yeah, Suki is a healer. All right. But she doesn't heal people.

I just healed everyone. All right, so that's the end of Fake Addis Kisses Churn. Does he have, what is that, that persistent damage? These little notations,

I don't know what the hell they mean. Oh, he has persistent fire from Aldo, right? Yeah. Oh, no. That's Fake Aldo. I don't know what the hell they mean. Oh, he has persistent fire from Aldo, right? Yeah. Oh, no. That's fake Aldo. I don't know what that is. Oh, no. He's frightened, too. Oh, right. Because he was frightened, that lowered

his DC, so it never would have been crit fail. Okay, great. Now he's frightened one. Thank you. Please don't be my turn. Damn it, it still is. Alright, it's fake tiny murder clown. fake tiny murder clown Fake tiny murder clown is no longer stunned

And he's going to do A flurry of blows on you Okay First attack Fucking hell 21, just garbage That's a miss And then a

25 Yeah That's a miss. Yeah. And then a 25. Miss. Yeah. Brutal. So just boom, miss, miss. And then we'll step back to make you come to him. And now it is fake Eris's turn. Fake Eris reaches out her hands to cast a spell.

And nothing happens. And you see real Eris holding the soul of the puppet that she ripped. And the fake puppet on the ground or in the water or wherever the hell you are. Awesome. Seattle cake. Yes. Seattle cake,

baby. Seattle cake. Alright, fake Eris is mad. Fake Eris strides up to real Eris and goes to reach out to you, just like Fake Aldo did to Real Aldo. That is a 37 to hit, kids. Hit with what?

Her hand. Her nails? No, her hand. She's smacking me? Is that a critical hit? No, well, wait. Yes. Yeah, wait, what are you doing?

Don't worry about it. Wait, that thing was back there. Yeah. They have other powers that we don't have. Oh, they do? Yeah, it turns out. So that's a critical hit. Pretty unfortunate.

That's going to be 36 points of damage. Critical, critical, critical, critical, critical, critical. damage. Critical credit. Critical credit. Critical credit. I have a skill feat called

recognized spell. A creature within line of sight casts a spell. It is not

a spell. It cannot cast a spell. She's punching you so hard. They have other powers that they can

use. This melee attack just crit. She has one more attack she'll take against you, and that is a 19 damage. Miss.

What was the original damage? The original damage was 36 points of damage, and then I need a Fortitude save. Okay, just hold on. One thing at a time. I know. There's a lot going on. God.

You should see what I get going on. Okay. I'm sweating. Fortitude save. Fortitude save you Fortitude save Seattle State What was that? 17

I rolled a natural 1 You are I can't win all the time You uh Oh bottle cap I'm rolling again Don't even Okay this is way better Both hats! Both hats! I'm rolling again. I'm rolling again. Don't even... Don't even.

You're talking to me! Okay, this is way better. 30. You're all right! Now it's Big Suki's turn. Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, verdict whip. You're using my bean against me? Yep. Here she comes. She's

flicking the bean. Rats! 31 to hit. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Back here, D4. And your whip sucks. It's only six points of damage.

Yeah, it's weak. That's why I want to retrain that. She takes the whip, throws it in the pool. How dare you? That's your only... Your character stinks. That's your only... Dude, it's so funny because I had this conversation.

This is a terrible... Joe's like, why aren't you doing your ghoul spells? And he looks over and he's like, I don't know. No, no, no, I'm talking about like a month or two ago where I was like, Fruited Whip sucks. Yeah, it was... What is this? It was a flavor thing. I've been meaning to retrain

it. We just haven't had any downtime. When you said you were going to do that, I was like, yes. Stupid. Alright, well now I'm going to cast Searing Light on you. Are you really? Because that's two actions. Yeah. And you have to interact action with the bean to do

the whip. You gotta interact with the bean, bro. You gotta interact with the bean, bro. So I have to interact and then strike as two different actions? And then attack. You win this round. With my stupid... Nobody knows how to flick my bean, Wayne.

Just kidding. Yikes. In humor, there is truth. Is it my turn? The shadow cowers away from you after another unsatisfied

evening. It is now real Anarchist's turn. Come on, Anarchist! Come on! He's in bad shape. This is the end. The final act of Atticus. And of course,

it will be terrible. I need you all to pick up the pace. I don't think you appreciate what's happening here. I do. It's 10.04. Is it really? Oh dear. Okay.

Well, I guess for a final act it would be best to unleash everything you have. Even though it will fail. Atticus It would be best to unleash everything you have. Yes. Even though it will fail. Probably.

Atticus will begin casting a spell of great power. As disturbing the sands of this desert oasis, an otherworldly cold begins to gather in front of him. Oh, shit. But I have to roll a flat check because I'm stupefied. Oh, shit. Come on.

I'm just gonna do it now. Come on. Come on. Come on, Atticus. Don't go out with a whimper. Natural one. Natural one. And fucking five years of playing a character in every great city in America ends with a natural one.

As the cold fizzles in front of him and he loses his cone of coal, the most powerful spell in his repertoire. Oh my god. Because of this horrible game! Can we tell the story from the flight?

There's no time. There's no time. There's no time, There's no time. There's no time, Gabe. This is his 10th natural one of the weekend. That's all I'm gonna say. He'll try to not go out like that.

Brutally. Because this is it. Last march of the eights. He will cast with his final action a single magic missile at their side. Aww. And he does cast that. So he will hit himself with max damage.

Five points of damage. Yes! Two more to go. Five points at that. Yes! And then 2d8, persistent negative damage. If you please. I will please. Would you like to roll your flat check? Two? Twelve points. That's so ridiculous. Ten? Twelve points.

That's so ridiculous. You rolled two for her. Twelve for me. He had four hit points left. Oh, no. So he is dying one. Atticus falls to dying one. Flat check on the persistent negative damage.

You need to. Fail. Oh, God. You hate to see it. Suki. Frick. I really wanted to heal Atticus, but I think I need to do... What is the next thing that's going to come out

of your mouth? What could possibly be the next thing that comes out of your mouth? I was going to use a damage spell in a line to hit fake Atticus and fake Suki. But, wait, you said I was going to... I can't do both. Right.

So I either heal you or I do damage. And one seems less... You might survive another round. That is true. That is true. What? I will definitely

survive another round. Right, that's what I'm saying. So if I hit them, at least I can knock them out. Yeah, exactly. I still have the heal spell. I'm not wasting it on anyone else.

Suki's going to move. Slides over. To get within a line. But what if you die this round well, c'est la vie baby Suki's gonna get in formation to hit fake Suki and add to kiss with

hydraulic tori bitch how about a taste of your own medicine Suki you have to make a fortitude save please fortitude save, please. Fortitude save. That is a 31 and a 24. 24 fails.

Okay. That was Atticus. So that is going to be... That is 86, 32, plus knockback five feet of crit failure. It wasn't... All right. So 32 points of damage 32 to Atticus

and then half to fake Suki to fake Suki alright, that's the end of my turn it's a hell of a turn hell of a turn, Suki it is now Aldo's turn alright, Aldo is

he sees the desperation of the situation and the server's used to the desperation of the situation and the server's picking up the checks and he's gonna throw a another bottle of lightning at fake Atticus that is a

28 to hit that'll hit that crappy character nice work That is a 28 to hit. That is a hit. That'll hit that crappy character. Nice work. Oh, sweet. Okay, that is 16 points of damage. Flat-footed. Oh, he's not flat-footed.

He's down. That's it. He should be the first to go. One down. Okay. He should be the first to go. One down. Okay.

And he is going to spend his last action to throw a Blight Bomb at himself. Okay. Oh, yes. That is a 30 to hit. 30 to hit is a hit. Okay. Okay. That is... Ooh, okay.

That is 11 points of poison damage. Okay. And they have 2d6, or 2d4 persistent poison damage as well. Okay. Okay. And that was it. Alright, did I take the persistent fire damage?

I don't think I did. I don't think you did. I didn't take it on my turn. That's two points of damage. Two points of damage. And then the flat check. Gotcha. Okay.

Still on fire. Okay. Nice. Okay. All right. Great. Eris. Hey.

So. Eris, you, so... Hey. Eris, you got messed up by yourself. Yeah, I'm not feeling great, so I'm not confident in just, like, pummeling for damage and not helping myself. And I'm surrounded by ghosts of everyone else. So I'm going to cast Mirror Image on myself.

Nice. First of all. Okay. And First of all. Okay. And second of all, I'm also going to cast Needle of Vengeance against Fake Me towards Real Me. Okay. If you hit me again, if you hit me one more time or two or three or whatever, you're getting damaged. Okay. Needle of Vengeance. Yeah.

Do I have to roll anything? Do you have to roll anything? Against Needle of Vengeance. Do I have to roll anything? Do you have to roll anything? Can you roll a basic will save? Okay. Natural 2. Oh! There we go. For a 16.

Okay, it doesn't give me any description so I'm assuming if you fail that means that the spell goes through versus if you pass it doesn't do anything. description, so I'm assuming if you fail, that means that the spell goes through, versus if you pass, it doesn't do anything? Yeah, that's a basic save. Well, basic save means it would take double damage from your Needle of Vengeance. It's got to be a critical fail, right? Yeah, it is a critical fail. It is a critical fail, yeah.

All right, so double damage. Amazing! So it takes two mental damage any time it uses a hostile action. So it would be... Well, it takes ten mental damage. Ten, so it'll be 20. It takes 20, right? Yeah, it'll take 20.

20. Okay, that's pretty good. Anything else? Nope, that's all my actions. Round three. You notice at this point, Abdul Alhazred, the mad poet, has simply walked back into his house. I know, this guy, I was like, I want to spend a seek action just looking at this dude.

Like, come on, man. See ya. Tiny Murder Clown, we need a big round out of you, buddy. Okay, Tiny Murder Clown pulls back his fist as if to punch himself again. Tiny Murder Clown pulls back his fist as if to punch himself again. And then out of the corner of his eye, he sees Atticus in his difficult condition. And he says, I can only lose so many friends. I can't even lose the rats.

And he's going to move. First action to Atticus's side. Second action is taking out the potion, or the elixir that Aldo gave him. Wait for it. Third action, pour that fucker in his mouth. Wow! Thank you. Wow!

Thank you. That is going to be 29 points of healing for you. Wow! And if I can't get it as a free action, I whisper to Atticus, I'll always be there for you.

It's good forever change. In a tiny murder cloud. I don't like that. I don't like that. Alright, it's fake. It's fake Aldo's turn. Fake Aldo is going to start throwing some bombs, but he's

still confused. There's a lot going on. Phrase or phonio. Phrase or phonio. The first bomb is going at fake tiny murder clown. So this is going to be

a, we'll make it an acid flask. Moderate. And that is a natural 20. Oh! So this is going to be a, we'll make it an acid flask, moderate. And that is a natural 20. Don't worry about, I'm just going to do double damage to keep things moving. So that is 2d6, so 2d6 times 2 damage. Okay, so he's going to take 14 points of damage there. nice second action is going to be another bomb this one is also at fake tiny murder yeah uh this will be a blight bomb uh multiple attack penalty that is a miss and then the third action i'm just going to keep throwing bombs this one is at Fake Eris. Yeah.

Nat 3, so misses on that one. Splash damage for both of them. Oh yeah, splash damage. It's four points of splash? Yeah. Fraser Orfonio, curse it be her name. Fraser Orfonio.

Alright, now he's going to take the Pers fire and the persistent acid, or poison, rather. Poison damage. I rolled a seven and a four on the flat checks. All right, that is seven points of poison damage. Okay. And two points of fire. Two points of fire. Okay, very good.

And now it's got me so many guys. and now it's got so many characters. The credits destroy, by the way. It's hard enough to keep track of your own characters' abilities. Much less everyone's characters' abilities. It's a nightmare

scenario for a GM. It's a nightmare scenario. Thankfully, Fake Atticus is as shitty as Real Atticus so he's dead. He makes it easy on you. So it's Fake Tiny Murder Clown's turn. Fake Tiny Murder Clown will use two stride actions to go up to Real Tiny Murder Clown. No, leave me alone!

What did I ever do to you? Except for everything. He's going to... Oh, I wish I had more actions. We've got some cool abilities, but instead he's just going to do one single fist. I'd say 32 to hit.

That's a hit. Oh god damn, that hurts. Is this what everyone else feels? That is going to be... Wow, I would never roll this damage against Joe It's only 13 points of damage Boom! Just punches you right in the nuts Honestly, it's not that bad

And now it is Fake Harris' turn Fake Harris Just looks at you And she's mad because her little poppet's gone First action she draws a kukri. Hit me, bitch.

And then for the second hit me with a piercing weapon, I hear you. She goes to strike natural 20. Oh no. And takes 20 points of damage. Immediately takes 20 points of damage.

Immediately takes 20 points of damage. Rocks over here for LaValley. However, you will take... How much damage does your goober do? Only 1d6, right? Mirror image. Oh, yeah, mirror image, first of all. Thank you, audience. Oh, mirror image.

Okay, how many images do you have? Um, hold on. Oh. Thank you, audience. Oh. Mirror image. Okay. How many images do you have? Um, hold on. Three. Okay. So what do I roll? D4? Can you tell me what happens? Yes.

Okay. Please. Where's my D4? One on a D4 is a hit. One on a D4 is a hit. I rolled a one. You're such a liar. I actually did. I rolled a one. You're such a liar. I actually did.

I rolled a little tiny one. But you only do one d6 damage with your kukri. That's not very good. That's why I don't do any of that. On a crit, you take two points of damage. Okay, also, also, also, also. You've taken all our powers away. Make a fortitude save, you weirdo.

What? I'm you. Yeah, but my wound yawns open disgustingly. I rolled a natural two. Well. I assume that is going to be a critical fail. What's your DC? 27.

That's a critical failure. You're sickened two. By the sight of me. Sickened two. By the sight of yourself. You'reed to. By the sight of yourself. You're a sickened to. What, you mean? Sickened to.

All right. Man. Also, you take 20 points of mental damage. I took the 20 points of mental damage. What the hell they put in that drink? All right. She's going to... She can't cast any spells.

She's useless! I'm going to... Cry. I'm just going to... Hey, you can't cast any spells. She's useless! I'm going to cry. I'm just going to cry. She's going to try and strike out again with the kukri, and she misses. And then she's just going to drown herself. But listen, I think because you attempted to hit me, you still take the damage.

Yeah, absolutely. Yep, hostile action. Whenever you try to attack the specifically forbidden creature, me, you take the damage. Another 20 points of damage. Boom. Well, just because you guys are terrible, she'll go to attack you again. And she misses and takes another 20 points. You take 60 points of damage?

I know, amazing. It's Fake Suki's turn. Please kill some more of these. We're working on it, man. Fake Suki. What are you going to do? Command Pepsi and add another character to the board?

No. I am so limited by this character's piece. He doesn't know how to play it through it. It looks like it was made by someone who's never played it. Oh, brutal. Brutal. Now I'm going to cast Searing Light, motherfucker. Hey, that's my spell.

That's my spell. All right, this is going to be a ranged spell, John. Okay. Okay. Derol that. Where's my thing? Spell attack. Yep.

That is going to be a 26. Get it. That hits. Steering light. Awesome. Let me just check one of my 70 tabs I have open. All right, so you failed, right? Yes. Well, you hit.

That's a hit, rather. Success. Target takes full damage. That's going to be 5d6. Wait, wait, wait. Are you a fiend or undead? No, but wait. Is it a DC or is it a spell attack? It's a spell attack. It's a to be 5d6 fire damage. Wait, wait, wait. Are you a fiend or undead? No, but wait. Is it a DC or is it a spell attack?

It's a spell attack. It's a spell attack. There's no DC. Yeah. All right. So you take 5d6 damage. Okay. Unless you're a fiend, you'll take more.

I'm not. Are you a fiend? I'm a nice lady. You take 20 points of searing light fire damage. You burn. Okay. And then she slides right up to you, and she smiles, and she says,

Where's our sister? Ooh. How do you like that? That was good. I made her feel. Atticus, you Are back from the dead You still have persistent negative energy damage And you're proud

Suddenly back from the dead Still having persistent negative energy damage He has no Idea Who on the battlefield is hurt the most Um Yeah I just don't know

Who to unleash So, Tiny Murder Clown Open size Tiny Murder Clown That's me I saved your life And He will try to save Tiny Murder Clown

I have very little damage So laying on his back, he just starts violently casting from his back. He's like, and I will roll a flat check and I roll a natural one.

Come on. It's... You're getting your money's worth. That's the end of his round. That was a three-action casting of Magic Missile and Titans to third level. Can I give Joe my bottle cap? And it is lost.

You want to give Joe your bottle cap? Oh, wow. Yeah, I do. I do. I'm going to allow it because it's so sad. It's so sad. I can't give it back. Some of these people only get to see you fail once a year in person. So many. Wait, wait, wait.

In what session has Joe only failed once? I've been all right lately. This is, man, it's turned. I want you to roll again. Do you want it? Yeah, take once. I've been alright lately. Man, this turned. I want you to roll again. Yeah, take it. And I want you to fail again. For no one else. For tiny murder. Come on.

Whatever he may be. Natural one. What is happening? I didn't believe in luck until I met you. Wait, wait, we have to keep going. Skip, you have two bottle caps. Do you want to give one? I think I need those bottle caps.

No, no. No, I'll give you one of my two bottle caps. Roll the coin. What? This is a win-win for me, honestly. Statistically. You can't break the ball. So sad.

If you roll another natural one, it's going to make me believe in God. I'm going to clear the stage. It's gonna make me believe in God. I'm gonna clear the stage. Fail, natural five. I'm gonna give you my other bottle cap. Yes, come on! I had four D20s today. This is the worst gambling fucking...

This is the worst bet in history. You're basically an enabler at this point. This is so preposterous. That was probably a nat 20. And embarrassing. Please, please, please save my atheism. Come on! Natty 17.

There we go. There we go. There we go! Oh, my God. Thank Orfonio. Despite all his attempts, something in the universe focuses his dumb, stupid mind. It's Arfonio! It's Arfonio and the power

of Arabic. Yes! That's what it is. And he now speaks Arabic. Yeah, he does. That is 21 points of damage to Tiny Murder Clown as he is hit with six magic missiles.

Tiny Murder Clown's double. Yes, his double. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you, Joe. It was very confusing in the main thing. I was laying on my back. I didn't know. 21 points of damage to Tiny Murder Clown,

and it only cost five bottle caps. Amazing. But, hey, on the upside, I'm no longer frightened. But now you need to take 2d8 versus 6d8. Right. God.

Alright, you take 5 points. Alright, that's not too bad. Black check, Sony, natural 4. Right back. We're right back. Right back. Okay, right back. Right back. Okay. It is Suki's turn.

Suki, we need a big one. Suki is going to cast Lightning Bolt at fake Suki. It's a 120-foot line. Yeah. And after Suki has... And you will hit Tiny Murder Clown. Yes. Yeah?

The other one, yeah. It's a double. Fake Tiny Murder Clown. Tiny Murder Clown's double. Double. Not Tiny Murder Clown. Yes. Yep. The other one, yeah. It's the double. Fake Tiny Murder Clown. Tiny Murder Clown's double. Double. Not Tiny Murder Clown, the first one. Okay.

And after Suki, fake Suki says, who, what did she say? Who killed your sister? Where's our sister? Where's our sister? Suki says,

you killed her. And she fires the lightning bolt. Okay. So that's reflex save. I don't know why I'm rolling. Why are you rolling? Reflex save! Okay. Suki rolled a natural one. Yay!

Natural one. I mean, this is the shittiest we've rolled as a company since the inception of the network. Holy shit. Alright, I'm gonna roll. I got a new die. I got the other nine in LA. This is going to be for Tiny Murder Clown. That's a natty 18, so it's probably a critical success. Yeah.

He's got high reward. And also, it's literally a critical success because of my feats. Ah, OK. Sorry. The Murder Clown takes no damage, and Suki takes 66 points of damage. Wow. Damn. 66 points. In the moment that you strike her with this lightning bolt, you see your sister's reflection.

As the light goes out of her eyes, and the reflection dies. Nicely done, Cindy! Two down, three to go! This needs to happen quickly. And then as my second action, I will cast Guidance on Aldo. Yeah, and then it's Aldo's turn. All right. Aldo is going to throw a... Aldo's fired himself.

He's broken. He's broken. Oh, that is a 34 to hit. 34 while flat-footed is a critical hit. Yes! Yes! Oh, man. That is 32 points of fire damage.

Wow. Kaboom. Okay. All right. And then he has... Well, he still has the first. Okay. All right.

And then he is going to throw an acid thing at him. The old acid thing. 27 to hit. Nice! Finish him off! That is 5 points of acid damage.

And then he's going to take 2d6 persistent after that. No, he is not! No, he will not! Because he is dead. No, he will not! Because he is dead! Yeah, baby! Awesome. Alright, and then he's going to

throw a Hail Mary and throw a Blight Bomb at the double of Tiny Murder Clown. Okay, if you miss, it'll be like Russell Wilson. It will. Oh, fuck off.

That hurt you and them. All right. That is a 19 to hit. 19 is a miss. Okay, so that's four points of splash damage. Four points of splash. Damn it. Boom, Aeris.

Just on him. You're on fire. What do you got? So, fake Aeris tries to cut me, nicks me a little bit, whatever, but I gape open and I see fake Aeris become sickened of me. And I look at her and I'm like, you're not me.

Make a will save. Ooh. What did you say? Make a will save ooh what did you say make a will save will save and I'm frightened too right or am I sickened too you're sickened definitely alright sickened too let me just see you're sickened definitely

definitely take a status penalty equal to the value on all'll have to check 76. I wrote natural 2. That might be a goal. Hold on. Oh, God. What does that mean?

What is your DC? 27. That is a critical fail. Yes! You die! You die! A fantastic killer! A fantastic killer? Wait, that was a fantastic killer! Oh! You're dead! Wait die! A fantastic killer! A fantastic killer?

Wait, that was a fantastic killer! You're dead! Wait, wait, wait. The target is so afraid it might die. Oh, you have to make that the right thing. What does she see? Oh, what do you see? What does she see?

What is the greatest fear? My dice tray. Those people that we saw die in my flashback are like being mean to you. Being mean? I don't know what they're doing, but like...

You are not going to date that boy. Yeah, they're just like alive. Out of my room. And you're small, and they're yelling at you. Go put on long pants. Making you feel bad. You're showing too much cleavage. We can see your entire neck mouth.

You're just like, I'm never going to get out of this, am I? I'm too small to live on my own. And it's so helpless. And you just feel like a pit of despair. You're never going to be able to get out. Wow. You're making me sad to be able to get out. Wow. You're making me like sad to be able to get out. You know what I mean?

What's the worst? There's one way out. She sees years and years of abuse at the hands of her parents. It now must attempt a fortitude save. She succumbs to that abuse and it kills her.

If you make a fortitude save, apparently. I celebrated a little too early. I swear to God. We'll deal with it. We'll unpack that after the show. If it fails, it dies. If it succeeds, it takes 12d6 mental damage. It probably still dies.

And it runs away. All right, here comes the fortitude save. I kind of hope it fails because it's a cool moment, but I live and die by the dice. Here we go. That is going to be a 26. You fail. You die. Ace of Death.

A player can go a lifetime and never see Phantasmal Killer actually kill someone. I can't believe a 26 failed. Yeah. I think she would have failed from the mental damage anyways, but it's much more powerful to have her see all of that

and then perish. There is one shadow left. Do you have any turns? I think you have an action perish. There is one shadow left. Do you have any turns? I think you have an action left. I have one more action left and I guess I'll pew a magic missile over to Tiny Murder Clan. Yeah, there you go. I guess I'll pew a magic missile.

Your jumble, yeah. Just one? I can only do one action. Three points of damage to Tiny Murder. The last standing. Illusion. Guys, it's the top of round four. There is one reflection left.

Abdul Alhazred, the mad poet, has disappeared into his cabin. What do you do, Tiny Murder? I look at my double, and then I go, well, it figures it'd be the last. And then I Flurry of Blows it. Wait, did I rephrase that? I'm going to use flurry and blow.

Wait, I'm just going to hit it a bunch. Yeah. First one is a 35. That is a hit. Second one is a 22. That is a miss. Which is a miss, I know. God damn it.

Yet to hit with that! Third, natural 20. Yeah! So for this 30, give me the first damage and then let's do a fan crit for the final hit. It's also got to make a DC 27 fortitude save because I hit it with a flurry of blows so it needs to be stunned

maybe. Calm down. Come on, come on. Do it, Troy. Do it, come on. Okay, so, hold on. Let's see here. Five. Got a good one. 15 plus, is it 19 points of damage? 19 for the first attack.

All right, now, Joe, give me that fan crit. All right, this one from Chase in Cedro Wooley, Washington. Oh! Is he here? All right, this one from Chase in Sedro, Woolly, Washington. Is he here? Awesome. Yeah, Chase? This one's called Bloodshot.

Whether from your follow-through or pulling your weapon back. Your hands. Yeah. Your gruesome hip flings blood and gore into the eyes of you and your onlookers. Wait, what? Is this a chase? What the fuck? This is a fumble. God damn it.

You can't even do that right. We love you, Chase. We love you, Chase. Pick a better one. It's broken. Just do double damage God damn it It really did break Reload the webpage

Or I lost internet In the venue Wait, let's give it one more shot Please give it one more shot God's sake I mean, it's not terrible Have you tried turning it on and off again? Try blowing into the floppy drive.

Just blow into the floppy drive! It's like a Nintendo cartridge. Oh boy. What about Alexander from Seattle, Washington? There could be ten Alexanders. He had to work tonight. Yeah. RNG says take the wheel.

Skill and determination have brought you to the moment where you find an opening in your opponent's defenses. Now it's up to chance to see how your true strike will land. Treat this attack

as having the fatal D12 trait. If this weapon has the fatal D, already has the D12 trait, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so fatal D12 trait. So double the damage and add a D12. No.

Your damage dice change to D12 trade. So double the damage and add a D12. No. Your damage dice change to D12. That's pretty good because I get four of them. Oh. D12. This is all. It's a lot of fanfare.

A lot of eyebrow raising. 27 points. He had 14 hit points. Yes! Yes! Yes! And the last dream reflection

falls. Oh, the most delicious soul of all is your own. As the last dream reflection falls to the ground and seeps its way back to the pool, wherever it perished, it just turns into water, sort of leaks back into the pool. And the memories, throughout this whole fight, I should have mentioned, the memories keep coming back, but you're so focused on the fight that you can't take this all in. And if you missed, perhaps it's because you were distracted by these memories entering your mind.

And now that the fight is over and you have a moment to breathe, you're just hit by them again. It's just like deluge of memories. And then all of a sudden, all of you hear at the exact same time this bizarre series of clicks and high-pitched hoots intermixed with crackling mechanical static as all of a sudden all of your memories are replaced with an image of a faraway desert city. And then the cacophony settles and you realize that all these hoots and crackling are actually a language from another world. And somehow, inexplicably, you all understand it.

Again, you're flashed with these memories of lulls drowning you in the mad poet's dreamland's oasis. Being led through the receiving doors of Briarstone Asylum in a catatonic state. Waking in the asylum's basement. Being led through the receiving doors of Briarstone Asylum in a catatonic state. Waking in the asylum's basement. And all of these images and sounds coalesce into a sudden shout of, Wake up! Just like you heard in episode one. Yes.

And as this mental sensation begins to fade from your startled minds, all of you, even those who weren't in Briarstone Asylum, hear a strange voice that overlays the clicks and static that says, You are now free. But to remain so, you must find me. And that's the end of book three. Thank you, Seattle! Thank you, Seattle! Book three in the box!

Find it here! Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. thanks for listening to the glass cannon network for more podcasts and live streams visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else subscribe today at patreon.com slash glass cannon Let's get it.