The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 83 – Hollow the Leader

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Weapons and drinks were flying at the Paradise Rock Club in Boston as the heroes arrived at the home of one of Lowl's associates. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/Y3l7gf2j8MA For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Keep it going, baby! Alright, enough. Enough. Couple of things. First of all, I'm from here. Second of all, this fucking idiot is supporting the Eagles

who are coming to town tomorrow to beat the Patriots. And you cheer for him. You cheer for him. And third of all, this behemoth just knocked a giant gray goose and soda out of my hands. It then spilled into my drink and knocked that over as well. And into Kate's? He knocked over my candy. All over over as well. And knocked over my candy. All of her Kate's candy.

Kate's candy. My candy. Her candy, Joe. Ladies and gentlemen, Boston Joe. Can I get a Grey Goose and Soda? We are sold out tonight Here at the Paradise Rock Club Let me hear you both

Look at this Yeah Holy shit I fucking love you Look at this crowd Amazing I fucking love you. Look at this crowd. Amazing. Guys are standing there.

Who stood in the rain tonight? Think you were wet then. Just hold on. Your teeth don't get wet in the rain, but they'll get wet in here. Yes. Yeah. Still waiting on that Vargas soda.

I, uh, as most of you know, there are a few things that I enjoy in life other than that 55-day stretch from November 1st

to, uh, December 25th, Christmas Day. Um, well, there is one more chunk of time that I like arguably just as much. And it started this week, this past Monday,

with my birthday. It's all right. Now you cheer. Not a single text. Not a single happy birthday, Troy, on social media. It's all right. This guy, though, Boston Joe, gets away with murder.

So it starts... I will give you my number after the show, sir. But it's not for my birthday. It's for yours. Starts with my birthday and then it goes straight through tomorrow, which is NFL kickoff Sunday. It is the

best week of the year. And so when I was looking at the calendar trying to decide when to do our annual Boston show, I said, shit, how about we take one of the best weeks of the year and make it even better by coming to one of the greatest cities in the world,

nay, the greatest, and selling out the paradise again. Here we are. Then, Starfield and Baldur's Gate 3 dropped this week. They released on the same day, which, I'll admit, it made this week impossibly even better,

but now I regret booking the show because I lost out on two days of playing those games. We should talk about this for a second. I know at least Joe, Skid, Sidney, and myself are playing at least one, if not two, of these games. And as the four people who appear on more shows than anyone in the network, I'm concerned about the future of the network right now.

This could be a problem. I'm certainly concerned about the quality of this show tonight. Yes. Joe is currently playing Starfield on his computer right now. This could be a problem. I'm certainly concerned about the quality of this show tonight. Yes. Joe is currently playing Starfield on his computer right now. I know. I'm just talking to NPCs, though. It's not a big deal. He's joining a couple factions. Is my mic on? It is on. Oh, I was worried.

I love Baldur's Gate. What is your character again? Oh. How did you mess up character creation? I made a... Her name is Snow Blight. Snow Blight. She's based on Snow White, but she is a...

She's horrifying. I made her... I thought she was so cute in character creation. She's a gnomish bard, and she looks like Lord Farquaad. I gave her a fucked up haircut and it didn't take me until I started playing the game and the cut scenes of her reacting to other

characters. Constantly she's grimacing. She's like this. And I'm like, fuck! I made Lord Farquaad. Who's your character, Joe, if you've not built a Baldur's Gate 3 character yet? This guy? Me? Yeah, what about your Starfield?

No, no, no, I haven't played Baldur's Gate 3 yet. Who's your Starfield character? What's his name? His name's Vic. Just Vic? Vic with a K. He's named after Michael Vic? One of my heroes, yes.

I just wanted to pick somebody that was a good representative of how I would act in my life. At least you can rebuild those space dogs. McD! McD! Candy! Guy drove eight fucking hours

to get here. Still gives me, hopefully, a double goose and soda and replaced Kate's candy. Anyways, what about you, Skid? Do you have a Baldur's Gate 3 yet or just Starfield? I've made a character for Baldur's Gate 3. But I started playing Starfield. I want to get that done first.

Character names? That'll be quick. Character's name is Cincinnati's Fletcher. What I do when I name characters for these video games is I go back into the Civil War roles and look at all the names of the colonels that served on the Union side, and I'll pick one from there. That's what I usually do. That's so specific.

I'm not going to make a confederate colonel. No, but... I don't want to be looking at that the whole time I'm playing Starfield. I have an elf wizard

named Stiff Dickerson. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I have a space scoundrel named Drip Masterson. That's right. And master yeah. Oh, yeah. And I have a space cowgirl named Drip Masterson. That's right. And master is spelled like masturbate. Did you say space cowgirl?

Space scoundrel. But that sounds like a fun... I was going to say, I'm going to download that game right now. Yeah. I also heard space cowgirl. That's exactly right. Can you make a space cowgirl? Um, no.

It might be a mod no you can do anything listen we are very fortunate to be able to travel all over the u.s doing the show we get to see a lot of great american cities and a lot of shitty ones like portland um it's a war zone it's a real war zone and obviously I'm biased but nothing compares to Boston I always leave these visits and I go back home and then I wait a couple days and I wait until my wife is like yeah I'll have a

second beer and then I'll be like you know what if we move to Boston and she immediately shuts it down but let me tell you, if I leave her or she has an accident on the basement stairs, I'm coming back here. It's really interesting to me

that of those scenarios, there was no if she leaves you. Which seems like the likeliest of the three. How dare you? Also, you're going to be in really, really bad shape if she does actually accidentally fall down the basement stairs.

And this is on YouTube. If you're going to prison. If she actually had an accident like tomorrow. Dude, it's the perfect crime. He wouldn't have said it on stage. He wouldn't have said it on stage or done it to his first wife. His wife in

England from 20 years ago that he accidentally pushed on us. I didn't think anyone would know about that. But I love coming here. We've had a hell of a time since we came into town. This is like a vacation for us. And we went to Treehouse Brewery yesterday on the drive-in. As is tradition.

Then we checked into the hotel, beelined it over to the cask and flag into pregame before heading into Fenway. I brought all these yahoos into Fenway yesterday. I bought a hat. Of course, these fairweathers left in the eighth. But your old buddy Troy stayed all the way to the final sad pitch with my brother and Jen with two Ns.

We stayed it out. And then I left them and just I walked alone in the city for a bit. It was like 1030, 11. I was like, you know what? I want to live it up. I want to really enjoy Boston while I'm here. So I walked down to Back Bay from Fenway, walking down Newbury Street and Boylston Street. And these are all like the same streets.

I would constantly skip class at BC to walk down and just daydream all day. So it was good to come back, just romantically wandering. As I'm walking, I see this fancy restaurant on Newbury Street. Shut up. Everyone here talks funny. on Newbury Street. Shut up. Everyone here talks funny. I saw this restaurant and I took

my first girlfriend to this restaurant for our first Valentine's Day when I was in college. Valentine's Day, 1997. I remember being so nervous. So old. Matthew just was in daycare at the time. And I

didn't have any money. I was like saving up. I'm like, please just order bread. And then every time I come back here over the years, I'd be like, one of these days I'm going to go back there. And I'm like, you know what? Old Money Bags La Valle is going in there. So I sit down at the bar.

I'm like, hello, barkeep. Let me see your menu and your drink list. Let me get a list of your bourbons as well she sets me up with a napkin and fine cutlery and I'm like and where's the restroom in this fine establishment she's like right down there I'm like thank you I went downstairs took like a 35 minute piss and left

I just really wanted to pee there because I was hammered and I hadn't peed since the first inning but I'll tell you this the rest of the night because I was hammered and I hadn't peed since the first inning. But I'll tell you this. The rest of the night was a series of beautiful, cathartic moments, and I'm glad none of you were there to rub them from me. Me too, Troy. Yeah.

Me too. It was a real special time. I was about to say, you're so special. You're such a special time. I was about to say, you're so special. You're such a special man. I am. I like being alone. It's so true. So today we all got up and eventually we wandered down to Faneuil Hall, Quincy Market area.

And we're all doing our own thing. And we meet up for lunch, down a couple gallons of clam chowder, house a few lobster rolls. for lunch, down a couple gallons of clam chowder, house a few lobster rolls, and now we get to hang out with the only fans in the niche who truly appreciate Joe, I guess. I love you guys.

That aside, I do love coming here. I feel like I'm in a family reunion, except I don't have to, like, smile and nod while my uncle talks about the Mexican guy that started working at his company. That's enough Bud Lights, Uncle Steve. Folks, we got a dang hummer of a show tonight. Yeah, we do. But something came up at lunch that I'd like to discuss.

I guess you could call it Bant. I guess you could call it Bant. And I will warn you, this is not for the faint of heart and will irrevocably change your opinion on one of the people sitting up here today. Apparently, Sidney Emanuel... Oh! What is... ...has a friend who has a rather unique way

of celebrating their birthday. I have a friend. You will have your time. This friend has a rather unique way of celebrating their birthday. I have a friend. You will have your time. This friend has a rather unique way of celebrating their birthday party. Oh, no. Now, it doesn't surprise me that Cindy has a sociopath for a friend.

That's to be assumed. But the grim way in which she has chosen to take part in this birthday celebration needs to be discussed in public. Does it? So her friend goes out every year for his birthday and buys the

finest seafood in Queens. Because everyone knows that's where you go get the best seafood. There's really good seafood in Queens. In Queens. That's what she said. She goes out to Queens and buys all this seafood, comes back, brings it to his home, invites his old friends over. I get the sense that his friends have to then pay for this seafood.

That wasn't clear. But anyway. Yes, it was. $15 a head. $15 a head. $15 a head. But hey, you get lobster. Here's the catch.

No pun intended. In order to eat the lobster, you have to take a fun polaroid. You have to participate in the ritual. In the ritual. Right. This is like a hulk pastor cultist ritual. You have to smile with your live lobster while it's kicking. Take an actual photo. Take an actual

photo with the lobster. And then you have to stick a knife in its neck and kill it in front of everybody else. Because that's the humane way to kill the lobster. That's right. Humiliating at first is the humane way to kill the lobster. That's right. Humiliating at first is the humane way to kill the lobster.

So my question is, is something really wrong with Sidney? Well, I don't necessarily blame Sidney because it is her friend. I mean, it's a red flag, but I don't think

it's like anything that's necessarily wrong She laughed because she told the story. Hold on. She didn't think it was fine. She thought it was cool. That's a problem. The but I don't think it's like anything that's necessarily wrong with her. She laughed because she told the story. Hold on. She didn't think it was fine. She thought it was cool. That's a problem. The reason I brought it up

is because my friend is from Massachusetts. So he grew up in the South Shore by the beach. No sociopath has ever been born in Massachusetts. What are you guys talking about? He grew up eating lobster a lot, and it was like a fun thing. He buys the lobster, he buys the mussels, he buys the shrimp.

We all cook together, and it's very fun. But his rule is, if you're going to eat the food, you have to kill your food. Which I think... And you have to be photographed doing it. Here's my argument. Why not? There's great honor in the killing ritual. The only reason that you didn't like it

is because you just ordered a lobster roll and you were like, I don't want to think about that. Well, I don't mind eating it if I don't kill it. I don't want to watch it go down. But the Polaroid 2, it just seems a little disrespectful. That lobster might have children.

All of a sudden that Polaroid washes up on shore. A bunch of lobster kids. We send it as a message to the children in the ocean. We throw the photos into the ocean and we go, we're coming for you next. Well, see, I would respect if that's how the end of the birthday was. You all took the photos and threw them in just to warn other lobsters. Skid, I feel, Matthew, I know you were appalled by this. I wasn't appalled.

You were a little appalled. I pointed out that there is no humane way to kill a lobster. It's going to hurt the lobster no matter what you do. What's the humane way to kill a human? A football helmet. Very carefully. No, no, I've thought about this a lot. This is getting demonetized.

Let him cook. Hear him out. Right now. A replica football helmet made out of plastic explosives. Wait. Go out in the middle of a field. You have the trigger yourself. And you just say, start running.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the most humane way to kill somebody is a Saw movie. Well, no, I mean, I don't know. I was saying more in the moments of death, it's very humane. Do you sell tickets to this event? Is this a ticket to an event?

Well, you want to get a record of it. Joe, you've been noticeably quiet about this. Have you killed a lot of an event? Well, you want to get a record of it. Joe, you've been noticeably quiet about this. Have you killed a lot of animals? I'm sitting right next to her, so I'm trying to, like, stay out of her direct gaze.

I didn't think it was that much of a red flag, but in the context of Sydney's, you know, previous plans to buy and subjugate chickens, it just starts to... She was like,

I want to own some chickens. Here we go again. Like, keep them in a cage. The chicken talk. No, what bothered me was not the ritual itself. It bothered me a little bit. What bothered me

was the glee with which you told the story. Like, you weren't like, I've got this weird friend. Your thing was like, I've got this awesome friend. He's a great friend. And you were like,

and every year we get together, we take pictures and it's screaming, you know, to get away. And then we jam it down and we just put right on top of its head. And then we boil it so that it's humane. And I was like, I'm really weirded out by how gleeful this story is being told.

I will say, the lobster tasted really good. So, no ragrats, I guess. I will say the lobster tasted really good. So no ragrats, I guess. I mean, it was a good lobster. Our lobster today was delicious, but Kate did not agree. Listen, I just appreciate that Sydney likes us all enough to try to

get us to join your cult by telling us that fun story. It is kind of flattering. I'm most appalled by I am never going to speak at our cast lunch anymore because it's going to become a wild, bant topic. I was going to share maybe some deep, dark secrets during the lobster lunch too, and I didn't.

Your day will come. And I'm glad. Your day will come. But you put a target on your back as soon as you tell Troy a funny story at lunch. He's secretly typing it in his computer. It's a funny murder story with your friend. Speaking of murder stories, you guys want to play pretend?

Yeah! I said do you want to play pretend? Yeah! Alright. We'll do one. Nerd! Glad to see the drops are working tonight.

Before I start, is anyone at all excited or interested in the premiere of the Glass Cannon Podcast Campaign Show? They're in it! We're all in it. Holy shit. That's this week? Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh my God. That's this week? Woo! One thing at a time. Glass Cannon Live, football, Starfield. One year ago, we were right here at the Paradise Rock Club in Boston, and we almost had a TPK. Who was here for that?

You all are liars. You know how terrible they are at this game. They've gotten a little better, but on that night, it was real bad. And while we didn't get a full TPK, two out of the four party members that were here that night died. Right here on this stage. They died like a lobster. Not even the dignity of a Polaroid person.

Yes, didn't even have the dignity of a mere Polaroid. No one even took my picture. Yeah, I know. And Joe and Skid's characters were the sole survivors. In fact, their characters are the only characters that have been around since the beginning of this adventure when a group of strangers met in an asylum in a fugue state. Since escaping the asylum,

they have been trying to track down the man who put them there, Count Hazerton Lowes IV. They have followed this man now across both space and time, traveling recently to the dimension of dreams to speak with someone named the Mad Poet who gave Laos directions to a book called The Necronomicon. Laos is searching for this book because he seeks the lost city of Neruzavan,

and directions to that city are supposedly in this book. When our heroes met the Mad Poet, they learned that Laos has been infected by a great old one. This unknowable alien entity known as Shaman Dor. And the reason he seeks Neruzavan

is that he hopes to activate ancient monuments there to bring the entire world into Carcosa. Careful. The mad poet tells them that Laos is heading to the Qadiran city of Qathir because he's seeking a library of the cult known as the Mysterium where allegedly a copy of the Necronomicon lies.

So our heroes, after a long and hilarious boat journey south, they arrived last month in the nation just north of Kadira, the nation of Taldor, arriving in the port city of Casimir. Now, before heading further south to Kthir, though, you think back over what you've learned thus far, and you remember Casimir being mentioned several times in receipts and journals you found all over the Count's mansion at Iris Hill, all connected to an associate of Lyle's named Myacnean Mun. Remember that name? that name. Meanwhile, after your encounter with the mad poet, Joe's character Atticus and Skid's character Aldo began to regain their memories after having a flashback of Lowell's bringing them to the mad poet's oasis and drowning them in a nearby lake. You remember that Myaknean Mun, in fact, is the one that supplied Lowell's with the sleeping drugs that allowed him to take you there

into the dreamlands in the first place. But after your encounter with the Oasis, all of your memories begin to come flooding back. Atticus remembers Laos inviting him to join him at his mansion to further his studies on the occult after he sat through one of your magic shows. Aldo remembers shortly after arriving here in Galerion, from Earth, by the way, where we live, being captured by a group of gnoll slavers, and Laos purchased Aldo's freedom in exchange for helping Laos in his studies. In Aldo's memory, Laos even mentions that his good friend Myacnean Mun had taken a look at your formulae book and was quite impressed. So this Mun character is really your only lead here in Casimir.

Gathering information leads you to a group known as the Esoteric Knights of Evolvement. What is the last word of Evolvement. What is the last word? Evolvement. Like evolve. Yes. As in evolution. I wrote that down. You did a good job of like when you're not paying attention to a teacher and then the teacher looks at you you just ask a question on the last word.

I appreciate that. Bottle cap. Sweet. No. So you gather information, lead you to this word. I appreciate that. Bottle cap. Sweet. So you gather information that leads you to this group and you meet with a bleachling gnome by the name of Ethan Baylor. This is a friend of the boat captain who took you all the way from

Threshmore to Casimir. He's a little standoffish at first, but as he warms up he tells you that Munn is a member of this group as well. He's a bit of a recluse but also an alchemical genius. Most of the other members of this little secret society find him a bit off-putting, maybe even shun him. Etham hasn't seen him around lately,

but he shares a rumor that Munn has had a number of visitors over the past year who have all mysteriously vanished without a trace. Perhaps they left by night, but it always struck old Ethan Baylor as odd. Munn would also mention from time to time, a mysterious colleague who lives with him, simply referring to him or her as his anomalous friend. Ethan also gives you Munn's address, an old infirmary.

He's apparently turned into his home and laboratory. So, the end of last session, you arrive at Munn's house, leaving Matthew's character, Ethel, behind at the hotel since he's in a coma because that's what you do with good friends who are in a coma.

You leave them alone in the Fleabag Motel. Covered in their own feces, apparently. Well, just you wait. The rest of you... A protective layer of feces. Ah, yes. The rest of you stalk through

the strange, overgrown grounds, noticing perhaps recent boot prints in the mud. You go right up to the door and knock. As you hear someone approaching the door in the distance, You go right up to the door and knock. As you hear someone approaching the door in the distance, a voice enters all of your minds telepathically. The same voice you heard in the dreamlands when your memories came flooding back. The voice that said to come find them now that you are free. But the voice now said the blot quivers, the lake ripples.

His stain is here. I actually misspoke, and on the Indianapolis show, I said, the stain is here. His. His stain is here. Then just as you hear footsteps approaching to answer your knock, a trap goes off as the two angels displayed on the door spray burning hot liquid out of their angel mouths. Now we have a long-standing tradition

that predates the Glass Cannon Network that when you miss a session, bad things happen to your character. Not death, per se. That's too easy. Embarrassing is a nice word for what tends to happen. Often there's poop involved. Matthew has missed not one, but two sessions in a row.

So tonight, we open on an exterior shot of the Menendez Brothers Inn. We stalk down a hallway up to one of the rooms and through a door where we see poor Ethel Merman lying across a makeshift divan in a coma, covered in some sort of brown substance that cakes all over his armor and face and lips. In order to help myself get through this psychologically, I'm going to picture not my character

but the real Ethel Merman. That's going to make this much worse. Hey, I'm covered in poop, ow! She'd be quite upset She would not like that We stay on his peaceful face for a moment Until we hear a knock at the door Housekeeping

Oh no Housekeeping Oh no After a long pause We hear the sound of a key entering the lock, and then the door opens as the man continues the night. Hey, housekeeping, hello, coming in. An overweight, bearded man enters the room

with a mop and a cart full of cleaning supplies. Housekeeping, coming in. Takes a little swig of something in his shirt. He goes to remove a couple of glasses from a bedside table, and then he sees Ethel. He's like, oh, shit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry. And he starts to walk out, but then he realizes that you're not moving. And he sees a letter lying at the foot of the bed. Watches you for a second, sees the letter. Maybe kind of peers down at the letter.

And it says, Dearest Ethel, if you're reading this, you have just awoken from a coma. We are now in Casimir In the nation of Taldor You slipped into a coma After being decimated by a magical tree In the dreamlands And then tiny murder clown phased into your body As you phased out If any of this sounds confusing

We'll explain later In the meantime We are following up on a lead if any of this sounds confusing. We'll explain later. In the meantime, we are following up on a lead looking to speak to one of Lyle's associates, a man by the name of Myacnean Mun at the following address. The address is written. If you wake and you're feeling up to it,

meet us there. This gross-looking housekeeper looks at the note and peers over at Ethel's sleeping body. He walks up to Ethel and pokes him with his mop.

Hey there. What's your name, big fella? You thirsty? He pulls out some Jägermeister he takes a little Jägermeister from the top and rubs it on your lips here's some Jägermeister you thirsty

are you familiar with the role playing concept of lines and fails don't miss two sessions let's have a tea party lines and fails. Don't miss two sessions. Let's have a tea party. And from there, we cut back to the house of my acne and mud. We're having fun.

We cut back to the house of my acne and mud where four of our heroes just set off some kind of a trap. Everyone roll a reflex save. I refuse. Not you.

We'll roll a different save for you. I forgot we had to actually play here. Everyone start saying numbers. 27, 31. Stop it. What did you roll, Sydney? 31.

31, nice. Joe? 27. Kate? 26. Skid? I, 37. All right. There you go, there you go. Sydney and Skid. A 37. All right.

There you go. There you go. Sydney and Skid succeeded. Matthew and Kate. Excuse me. Joe and Kate. Failed. At long last, have you no decency, sir?

Matthew and Kate and Joe failed. No. All right. This is a lot of damage dice, so I'm trying to find a good roller online. How many D6? I don't even own that many D6. All right, ready?

Stop. Joe and... Oh, man. Atticus and Eris take 51 points of damage. Oh, my God! Oh! Acid damage. Oh my god! Oh! Acid damage. And Sydney, excuse me, Suki and

Aldo, it's been a while, take 26 points of damage. 25! 25! 25 points of acid damage. Just sprays all over you. Oh my god. And then at that moment you hear footsteps running up the street.

And it's Ethel. He's covered in blood from the guy who just did what he did to him. I imagine Ethel woke up and just buried his hatchet in the guy's chest. Oh god! Oh no! Not again! Not again!

Not again. Why does this keep happening? This exact scenario. See, I didn't take away your agency. You see Ethel come running up, and you've all been doused with acid that shot out of the mouths of these angels. What do you do?

Eris goes... My back! Good choice. Good choice. Really good choice. Good choice. Really good choice. You know what? Bottle cap. I'm a giver.

I don't have any, though, unfortunately. So just remember. So she has one. The rest of you have zero. Ethel comes running up while Eris is screaming on the doorstep. Atticus, what do you do? He does the same thing.

Bottlecap. Wait, me too. I do the same. Yeah, he's grabbing his face, screaming. And he is going to writhe on the ground in pain. Okay. Let's go to the map. Oh, God.

Davy Maps. Ooh. Oh, Davy Maps. Oh, Davy Maps. Dump, dump, dump, dump. Footsteps approaching the door. And the door opens. Oh, come on.

Oh, no. What? We need at least four hours to rest. I lost like half my hit points from the door. The door opens, and standing there is a surprisingly handsome young man in his 50s with short, messy blonde hair and glasses. He's wearing a long brown coat that looks like maybe a lab coat but made out of the same material. It's like an iron worker's apron. It's thick.

And I will show you what that person looks like while you guys sit in silence. There he is. I don't think he's handsome. I just wanted to say that for the record. That's so off the bat. Someone drew him based on themselves.

If you watch this show, you're going to think they're ugly. He looks like Thomas Dolby. Right? Quick Google for that one. She blinded me with science. Oh, okay. Yeah, Google him.

He really does look like Thomas Dolby. Not now. He's in a hospital bed there. Don't look at him there. It doesn't look like... There. I see it. Looks like Thomas fucking Dolby.

I think he's okay, but let me check. He's moonlighting as a Paizo artist. He opens the door and he looks a little surprised to see you and he says, Oh, hello there. I do apologize that it took me so long to answer the door I must admit I'm

incredibly busy at the moment working on an experiment for the Talden Navy and simply cannot be disturbed I do feel downright awful that I am presently unable to take callers but perhaps you could return tomorrow thank you so much.

No! And he shuts the door. Suki tries to put her arm. Suki puts her arm and blocks the door. Oh, be careful. I wouldn't want you to hurt your arm. But I cannot have guests at this time. Let's just move your little arm here. She puts her other arm. Oh, alright.

Are you selling something? What is it that I can... Cookies? Your door just sprayed acid all over our faces. Oh, I thought that that was shut off. I am so sorry. That's meant to keep out nosy intruders. My most sincere apologies for any inconvenience that may have caused you.

Here, hold on. And he reaches beside the door and throws a towel at you. Oh, my God. Please accept my humble gift of a towel. May it bring you peace in your time of pain. And he goes to shove it over again. I go to put my arm in it. Would your friends like a towel as well?

Is that why you continue to hold the door here? And he dra to shut the door again. I go to put my arm in the door. Would your friends like a towel as well? Is that why you continue to hold the door here? And he drapes it over your hand. And then another one. How many do you need? I'm going to shoulder, like, try to push the door in against him. Oh, please now. Let me take my arm out of the door then.

No reason to get... This ain't Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, mate! Towels have no value here. Ethel's like, I actually could use a towel or two. All right, you take... Oh, Ethel's here.

Oh, Ethel. He actually could use a towel probably. Ethel, you're awake. Oh, yeah. Hi. No, no, don't look at me like this.

And she like goes up to the door and she's like, listen, you... And she looks at you in this. And she, like, goes up to the door, and she's like, listen, you fucking... And she looks at you in the eyes, and she's got, like, a very... Like, she looks already kind of wild because she's a flesh whore, but also her face is melting, and she's going to try to intimidate you to not shut the door and help us out. Okay.

And just being like, unless these towels are magical, you better help me, like, right now. I just went down. I feel awful. My face is melting off. You better help me, or I'm gonna... And her mouth and her neck starts to open, and it's like... I swear to God, man, if you...

He's very contrite. He's like, oh, oh. Alright, so roll against his will, DC. Can I aid? Sure, what are you gonna do to aid? I stand there covered in shit. Go ahead and roll for it. I'll allow it. And blood. It's the least I can do.

Fuck. Oh. Did you get an 18? I got an 18, so no. Is your friend covered in feces? Fuck. That was distracting. And what did you roll?

27. Fortunately, it doesn't seem, unfortunately, it doesn't seem to faze him. But as he continues talking and Aldo, you slip into the room, you are like, I know him. I know him. It's my acne and mud. This is him. You know the voice.

You know the face. Your memories are clouded because they're coming back to you all at once and they're sort of all overlapping. I imagine every day like new things are coming in. So maybe you haven't had that exact memory where you've seen his face, but now that you're presented with him, the voice, the face, everything, you're like, this is him.

Again, I'm so sorry, but I will have to ask you to step outside. I'm not allowed to have... Mun? Yes, this is... My acne and mun! Yes, this is his house. This is... No, you! You're my...

Hey, this is my acne and mun. I've seen you. I've seen you, mate. Well, I apologize if I don't remember us meeting, but now that you mention it, you do have a rather familiar countenance about you. It is perhaps we met. I do apologise that I didn't recognise you. Remind me your name.

You know my name, mate. It's Aldo Kizamia. Aldo Kizamia. Aldo Kizamia. Yes. Kizamia. Aldo Kizamia. Yes. Oh, how has it been, old friend? Not great. Let us in. I cannot. I have this... Whoa. I have so many deadlines. Pulls out a pocket watch.

I must go. I do ask you to please step back onto the porch. Eris, kill him. Okay, here we go. I'm getting ready to kill you now. And she really doesn't want to do that because she's hurting, but she's acting like she's getting ready to.

Oh, please, there's no reason. She's taking out her staff. Really, was it something I said? Here's my puppet who tells me my spells. Azul's going to push his way into the porch and get in there with Aldo. All right, so show me where you are on the map. Let's say that he actually backed up. Oh, yeah, I had you invisible because you were having a tea party.

Hiya there. Please, Aldo went straight through the wall. All right, so Aldo, you are're there. Please, Aldo went straight through the wall. All right, so Aldo, you are in there. Ethel, you come up as well. And he's like, please, gentlemen, I'm sure we can discuss this rationally. If this has anything to do with me not remembering you, a thousand apologies. It's just I've been very wrapped up in my work. There's really no reason to fight

but I do need you to leave this place immediately father would be very upset very upset father? is there a priest living here as well? is it finicky wet whistle? no

no no no, no. I just, I need you to leave. Troy, is there a door in this room? There is a door in this room, and it is right to the north. And I believe there's one to the south, too, right next to you. I'm going to open the door next to me. And when you do that, he said, I said leave. Roll for initiative.

Roll for initiative. This is all vodka. Thank you, Brian. Suki, what did you get? Suki. I didn't roll well. That's why I asked. I got a 21. 21 for Suki, what did you get? Sux. I didn't roll well. That's why I asked. I got a 21.

21 for Suki. Ethel. Uh, 20. Dirty 20. Dirty 20. Terrible roll. So dirty. Eris.

Natural 20. Whoa! Do you want to use a bottle cap to re-roll your initiative? Maybe. Should I? Yeah. Should I? Yeah. Should I? So that's a 35 total.

And I got a free fee. Or not a free fee. I got a free action when I roll initiative as one of my new feats. And I'm going to battle cry and demoralize this guy who's now a foe as a free action. Because I'm a master in intimidation. Nice. Yes. Awesome.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you say? I say, I told you. And then she points her staff at you. And it starts glowing crazy green eyes. And her mouth opens. And then her poppet just goes,

and it freaks you out, man. You don't know what's going on. Roll intimidation. See if you're able to... It's a free action. Oh, it's a free action. Yeah, you still got a free action. You still got to roll.

Oh, shit. I know it's a free action, but we still have to measure it somehow. It's free. It's like going to a store and being like, I have a Koopa. I saw free and was like, sick. and be like, I have a Koopa.

I saw three and was like, sick. If I want to use a hero point, do I need to tell you now? Bottlecap. You mean that sweet, fresh bottlecap? Oh, bottlecap. Sorry, sorry, yeah. You have to use it before we move on, yeah. Do you want to re-roll it?

Or do you want to just save it for something maybe a little more important? Well, maybe you should save it because at that moment, Ethel, hearing you say this, also gets a battle cry. Whoa! As a reaction. And what did you say to him?

Babe, what? He'll say, He'll say, She told you! Oh my God! That's my man. Wow. And I roll a natural four.

Four twenty. What did that... I got a twenty-eight, by the way. A twenty-eight. What did that poop-covered guy say? Two fails. Shit. All right, well.

Well, well. Atticus, what's your roll for initiative? 19. Aldo? 25. 25. All great initiatives. I'm going to go first with my 41, if you don't mind.

Do you mind if I go first? With my 41? Yes! Thank you. All right, so let's fucking go. thank you alright so let's fucking go first thing he does is he's mad

and he like he was so polite so kind the second you put your hand on that door to try and go to the south he just like hulked out and you can feel this negative energy like coming off of his body and it starts to enter all of yours. Everybody roll

a will save. As this overwhelming feeling of dread begins to wash over you. This is not my night. It's my night. Let's go. Let's start with Sooks.

33. 33 for Sookie. Not bad. 36. Also not bad. Iris. 29. Not bad.

We'll come back to Ethel. Aldo. 35. 35. Ethel. 22. What 35. 35! Ethel. 22. What a shame. What a shame.

Everyone except Ethel is frightened one. Ethel is frightened two. Oh, baby. This man looks mad. Now, Ethel, I'm going to say that you got that door open. Okay. Just so you have a little more room to play here. And you see a little room.

I'll give you a description of that room. It looks like a small study. There's like a little library in there, a couple interesting old maps. Is that a billiards table? A little billiards table, yeah, I know. Some frames hanging on the walls, a couple of captain's chairs. Obviously, you don't have a lot of time to take in the room, but thankfully you don't see any other enemies in there.

This guy used two actions to unleash that dread on you. And then for his third action, he's going to... I guess I'm going to punch you with my fist. How eloquent. I'm going to punch you, Ethel, with my fist How very Boston of you Yes What'd you say about the socks?

What? That's what, when I was going to college You used to call that a mash pea conversation They had a down year Alright, here we go Boom sauce This could be a critical That is a 40!

Yeah, it's a 40. Question for you, though. Am I still stupefied? From like three episodes ago and four months ago? I don't remember. No. The damage was done in the Menendez Brothers Inn. Yeah, that's still a crit.

That's a crit. Alright, so 30 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh, my God. Dude just like wham. Now, here's the good news. One enemy and he's done. Can you guys capitalize? You rarely do.

Eris. It's my turn? Yup. Oh, that's right. I rolled a 20 on my... Okay, so... A 20 on my... Oh, my God.

So I'm already down half my hit points And this guy is really strong So I'm gonna Uh-huh Chug a healing potion Chug it So I guess I use an action to take it out And I use an action to drink it

Yep And I'll do that one and it's not my turn The points and everything Okay But I guess then that one and it's not my turn, the points and everything. Okay. But I guess then for one more action, um, shit.

Shit. I want to cast guidance on someone. I guess guidance on Ethel. I feel like you need it the most right now

because you're frightened and you're our, our power. Let me ask you this. Do you have to see the person to cast guidance on them? Because he is around the door and I feel like being a stickler.

I'm from here! It says range 30 feet, target one creature. It doesn't say I need to see him. Let's have Joe be the one that rains on your parade. Yeah, you cannot cast it on someone you can't see. God damn it. Boston, Troy. That's just...

Forget it. You had your chance. Well... You had your chance. All right, a little more. I cast Shield on myself. Shield on... Shield on yourself. Ald on... Shield on yourself.

Aldo, Kazim, are you barged right into this room? You don't know what your connection is to this guy. The memories are flooding back, but you know he is a part of your past. I... First, I would like to do a knowledge check of some kind to figure out. But first, like, how we did 30 points of damage on a punch. Yeah. The guy who did... She blinded me with science.

It doesn't make sense. She blinded me with science. So what would be applicable here? I'm going to say, oh, this is a tricky one. I kind of want to do society, but what are your better skills? Because I want to give you some leeway here. Occult, maybe? I have clown lore.

Clown lore. Do you really have clown here? I have clown lore. Clown lore? Do you really have clown lore? I do. I have ancient history lore, alchemical lore. This guy looks like you've heard that he's an alchemist. Let's try a little alchemical lore. Why not? I think that's actually

pretty damn perfect. 22. 22. 22. 22. Okay. You look at this guy and you really think that this is him. But it was a little weird, your conversation. Something seems a little off. And as you look at him, you look just

past his glasses at his eye and there seems to be a little seam right under his eyeball where it looks like nothing is beyond it. Oh. Whoa. And so you think this might be some sort of not real

person situation. Wow. You've heard of alchemists doing the forbidden and creating life. I've been watching a lot of the Lambada of science. Maybe this is what happened here.

Well, Aldo, he sees this and he says, Sir, I thank you. I'm not all you seem. Trying to throw him off with a pun

about the seam under his eye. That's good. And I'm going to and I am going to throw a bomb at him. So now it's probably a good time to mention that we did do a little retroactive shopping. Yes. Right?

Yes. You guys want to talk about what you bought? Well, at least for me in this moment, it would seem germane. Because I bought a plus one thrower's bandolier. Oh! In which to store my bombs. And then I bought a thundering rune

to imprint upon it. Nice. Which, according to the properties of the item, allows me to do an additional 1d6 points of sonic damage on each bomb that I throw. And on a critical, a chance to deafen the target.

Nice! Wow! Okay. And a chance for me to use my cool AC DC drops once in a while. Well, that's what it's really all about. So, that's a double win. Alright, so you're going to toss one of these special new bombs at this dude.

Yeah, I'm going to throw an alchemist flyer at him right on his feet. Boom! Uh, there we go. That is a 34 to hit. That is a hit. Nice. Okay, that is 18 points of damage. Okay, 18 points of damage.

Five of which is Sonic. Copy that. Okay. 18 points of damage. Five of which is Sonic. Copy that. Okay. He is on fire. He is on fire. Okay. And I am going to throw a second alchemist fire on him. First things first, a couple things are gonna happen. Alright. As

this man takes damage, it sets off a reaction where he's just like, what are you doing? And he starts raging. Oh. Something known as reactive rage. Oh, no. From taking damage, now he flies into a frenzy.

And he's just like, ah! And you see this and you think, I bet you he's going to have a bonus to attack and temporary hit points. That's what I think he's going to have. And maybe his AC won't go down. Now you can take your turn. Okay. So he says,

there's no need to get angry, you moron. What? You hit me. That is a 25 to hit. 25's a miss. Okay. Splash. So there is a boom. There's this like pop

sound, this sonic boom as the bomb hits near his feet, misses him, but still does five points of damage to him. Five points on the splash. And now it is Suki's turn. Give it up for Sidney Emanuel, everybody. Yay, Sidney!

That Sidney is a stone cold killer. But Suki is not. Or is she? I don't know. I am going to two action cast heal on Ethel, who I can see because I'm diagonal. I'm peeking around the doorway. I can see Ethel. Cool.

I'm only going to do it first level because my other ones I have hyped up, and it's just more than you lost, but it doesn't make sense to use. So that's going to be 12 points back to you, and then I'm going to command Pepsi. Thank you. I forgot to put Pepsi on there.

Yeah. My other two are too high. Bring me my snake. Give me a minute. Give me my boy. Bring me the snake. Bring me my robes. Where's my boy? I'm looking for him. I lost Pepsi.

Where's Pepsi? He's coming. All right. And then I... Trying to find something funny. Oh, my God. Well, he's just a snake. Is Coke okay?

He's just a normal snake. All right. So I command Pepsi, and then Pepsi is going to move in next to Mun... What's he gonna do? He's gonna attack. Pepsi is gonna attack with his

jaws and take a chomp. At my acne. That is a 27. That is a miss. That is a miss. Okay, now we know. Yeah. The more you know.

And that's the end of my turn. That's the end of your turn, and now it goes to Ethel's turn. Okay, Ethel is a little scared, but he's backed into a corner. When something scared is backed into a corner, I don't know. In Ethel's case, he freaks out. So he's going to double slice. Okay. Hammer. Hatchet.

Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Let's start with the good news. The hammer is a 36 to hit. That is a hit. That's great.

Nice. A palpable hit. Okay. All right. That is a hit. That's great. Nice. A palpable hit. Okay. So that'll be... And also one of the things we upgraded was my hammer. So in addition to... We paid to swap a rune from a plus two short sword we found to my hammer. So it's now plus two war hammer.

You want to know what these nerds do? They're doing all this shopping during sound check. Yeah. Even though I asked them to do it three weeks ago. I call that efficiency. And we also paid to give it a property ruin. Because when the hammer connects with this

mun-ish? Munfella? Munfella. That handsome devil? All of a sudden it crackles with lines of frost and deals 1d6 frost damage on top of it. 1d6? Or 1d6? 1d and deals 1d6 frost damage on top of this. Yeah. 26?

Or 1d6? 1d6. 1d6. 500? What's the total damage? Math. Math. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.

Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math. Math.

23 points of damage, 6 of which is frost. 23 points of damage, 6 of which is frost. And did you miss on the other attack? I rolled a natural one on the other attack. Natural one. That is a fumble. Should we go to the fan fumble? Oh, shit.

Kevin Matthew. The fumble. Anybody from Waltham? Boston's so competitive, they hate other cities. We're all the same team. All right, this one from David and Sarah in Boston. Anybody? Hi, David and Sarah.

Super fans, David and Sarah. Thanks for nothing, David and Sarah in Boston. Anybody? Hi, David and Sarah. Super fans, David and Sarah. So, thanks for nothing, David and Sarah. Way to listen to the FOD, David and Sarah. All right, this one's called Not a People Person. Bottle cap. You react to your incredible ineptitude with profanity so shocking that even Sydney would be embarrassed. Wow. Oh, man.

Wow. What did you say? Your allies and even enemies look upon you with disdain. You are demoralized, frightened one for 1d4 round. Oh, wow. So are you saying that Ethel starts releasing a barrage of obscenities? Yes. Matthew, I think you should roleplay this. I think so.

What horrible things come out of Ethel's mouth? What does Ethel say when he misses? And you should stand up and do it. Oh, boy. Give him a... Do we have like a little step stool or something? Get this guy a soapbox.

Matthew! Matthew! Matthew! This is the Matthew? Just to be clear, this is the profanity expressing disgust at my own ineptitude. Yes. Yeah. my own ineptitude.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I say this to myself. You, you, you fucking divorcee! Oh! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!

That would demoralize you. It's sad. It's sad. So I'm frightened one. Sorry you guys had to see that. We'll edit it out of the video. So I'm frightened one. Yeah, you're frightened one on top.

But you were already frightened two. I was frightened two. Let's make them stack. You're frightened three. Oh my God. We're having a good time with our good time pals. All right. Well, let's see it.

So for my third action. Oh, you're still going? Yeah. That shouldn't stack. You shouldn't stack. Willy nilly stacking? Are you serious? Be careful.

I'll start stacking you and you. I'll stack you. I'll stack you, too. You haven't laughed at a single one of my jokes. Yeah, I decided it stacks because we made up these critical fumbles. So I'll pretend. Okay. See the screen?

I am going to, why not, I'm going to try to grapple this guy. Okay, sure. That usually works. It often does against you, actually, but not on my third action. But why not? He's on fire. Yeah. He is burning. He's on fire. Yeah. He is burning.

That's covered in shit. That's going to be a horrible smell. What's that horrible smell? It's like Jägermeister and burning poop. Are we near a tire dump? Okay, that is 26 against your Fortitude DC. Against my Fortitude DC, get out of here with that sausage. Pretty good roll.

Okay. And I now go down to frighten two. It is Atticus's turn. Atticus, yeah. You've been a little off ever since you spilled my drink. Yeah. I felt it. I felt that energy from you.

Yeah, I mean, this is a horrible situation. He's frightened. He's going energy from you. Yeah, I mean, this is a horrible situation. He's frightened. He's going to fall back. I mean, he's down way more than half his hit points. Yeah, more than half his hit points. And he just stumbles back, face burning. This thing is like hulking out and raging. And he's frightened. So I'm just going to have him fall back.

And then in fear, thinking he just wants to try to hurt it somehow, he's going to pull some sort of loose stone or something from outside and whip it at this guy with a projectile. A telekinetic projectile. Little rat fingers just shaking. He's, whoa! And he whips this thing across at this guy, and that, dude, is a 36. There you go! That's a hit.

Hit. That's a hit. There we go. That is 21 points of bludgeoning. Oh. Nice. Boom. Ooh.

And now it's the top of round two, and it's back to my turn. And I'm going to do something cool. This is a two action John called Uncanny Approach. I like to lift the veil so we can all learn together. He is going to stride, then feint at a creature within melee reach and then strike. Here's the thing, if I roll a success on the feint attempt, I get a critical success instead. This is going to be a deception check against the perception

DC of either Aldo or Ethel. One, two, three, Aldo. Four, five, six, Ethel. Five. Oh no. It's coming at Ethel. Alright, so this is going to be a deception check against your perception, DC.

Perception plus 10. This is going to be a 33. Larry Bird in the house, everybody. That's a success. So what is it? You're moving or you're not moving? Oh, don't worry about my move. I don't need to move because I'm right next to you.

Wasn't the... You said stride. You have to stride.'m right next to you. You said stride. You have to stride. Then I'll stride right there. He's going to step down to you there. I don't know what's happening. At that moment, you hear a sound from outside.

You know what's weird is if I have to, technically, if I have to stride, then that can't be a step, so that would be a stride which would provoke from you, Ethel. I will give you the provoke. Okay, great. No one. Natural 20.

Oh! And this is why I'm not generous. Son of a biscuit Alright I guess we'll do a fan critical Oh dude, we got a fan critical From an O'Brien Tom O'Brien in Boston, Massachusetts Todd O'Brien, Todd

Todd! Boston, Massachusetts. Todd O'Brien. Todd. Yeah! Todd! All right. Thank you for actually bothering to show up.

Yeah, thank you. Tell David and Sarah, they're dead to us. My man. All right. Tom O'Brien from Boston writes in with Fatal John. Oh. Or Fatal John. You! Or Fatal John. You find your opponent's weak point and hit it hard.

Emphasis my own. For this attack, your weapon gains the fatal trait. Equal to your weapon's damage die. Your opponent makes a fortitude save against your class DC. So, yeah, fortitude save. your class DC. Fortitude save. 24. What's my class DC? I can't think. That's a fail.

That's a fail? You mean 34? 24. I rolled shitty. Yeah, so that's a fail. Class DC's gotta be 30. 29, 30, like in that room. What's your class DC? I'm assuming 30. That's my spell DC. Well, I guess we'll live with this answer. It must be so hard to track one character.

My class DC is 25. 10 plus their proficiency bonus for their clown. It's different for every, like... All right, so it's a tweener, but I imagine a fighter. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. This could be a real... I know. I thought it was your proficiency plus your 10.

10 plus their proficiency bonus for their class DC, plus three for most first-level characters, plus the modifier for the class's key ability score. Yeah, so you're going to get a plus five, right? Plus five for strength. And then what's my, what is my proficiency bonus? It's just like watching a real

game. That's what we do. You're level 10, right? Yeah. So it is a minimum of 25. It's probably 27. Alright, so fail. It may be 29. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail.

In the history of this network, the number of times I have been crit on from an attack of opportunity is astounding. Astounding! Well, you wanted to do something cool, so now you've got to pay for it. So your weapon is now fatal, but it just uses your damage die. So you just add another damage die. it just uses your damage die, so you just add another damage die. Your failure adds another damage die. So however many you were doing...

This is awesome. And then I double it. You don't double the two fatal damage die, so double the original damage, then add two more die. Nice. Nice. Hell yeah. Math, math, math, math Thank you, Tom

Thank you, Tom Security Take him to the David Sarah room 50 points of damage Yeah And then, okay, so first of all,

It's my turn! a couple of things are going to happen. Matthew has been activated! How dare you in my own hometown! So I took, with my combat flexibility feat,

I used disorienting opening. So when I hit you with an attack of opportunity, you become flat-footed until the start of my next move. That was an accident. And then. Sorry. Stop. Stop doing stuff. Sorry.

Okay, I need you to roll a fortitude save. I already did! For something else. Fuck this game! 31. Okay, you need you to roll a fortitude save. I already did! For something else. Fuck this game! 31. Okay, you're fine. Can I finish my hatchet? Yes.

Don't ever say a couple things are going to happen again. I don't go into Paramus and start correcting people's grammar. All right. New Jersey has excellent schools. As does Massachusetts. All right, this is in your... Don't ingratiate yourself. They have terrible schools.

You have, like, the first in the nation public schools. There's a lot of... The doctors move here afterwards. All right, here. This is against your perception, D.C. All right, fuck you. 39. You already rolled this, and you already beat it. All right, here. This is against your perception, DC. All right, fuck you. 39. You already rolled this and you already beat it.

Okay, I did. Sorry. I'm drinking straight vodka. All right, this is what happens. Critical success on my fate, thanks to my uncanny approach. You are flat-footed against melee attacks that you attempt. The ally... Until the...

Wait. You throw your enemy's defenses against you entirely off. The target is flat-footed against melee attacks that you attempt against it until the end of your next turn. So basically this round and the end of the next. Assuming I'm still alive. Alright, so that was my two-action John, and now I'm going to try and

punch you again. Yeah. Because you're flat-footed, and you may deal extra damage if he hits. I think I'm going to try and punch you again. Yeah. Because you're flat footed and you may deal extra damage if he hits. I think I'm going to do another crit. Here we go. Fuck. I'm flat footed and frightened. You're probably going to hit me. Alright, but I wanted a crit. It's a 27. You hit me

because of the frightened. Okay. Wow. Here's what's going to happen. First of all, you're going to take boxcars. Ooh. So that's boxcars 21 points of bludgeoning Then you're also because you're flat footed He has sneak attack You're also going to take another 6 points

Of sneak attack damage Can't help him with his math He's not very smart But not until you take your turn However he is on fire So so I'll roll my... Natty 19, so he's no longer on fire, but I still will take this damage skin. Two points of persistent damage.

Two points of persistent fire. All right, so this guy is taking a licking, but he keeps on ticking. Ticking, is that a clue? Is he clockwork? What? What? Who?

Eris, you're up. So, I wish I had more than three actions, because what I would love to do is be able to cast haste on Ethel, but I've got to use an action to move. Haste is two actions. But I also want to be like, what is this

thing's deal? But I can't do all of that, and I think that giving Ethel more power is more worth it because his fortitude saves are really high, all of that. So I'm going to move into the doorway so I can see Ethel and I'm casting haste on you. Nice. So you get extra action. Strike or stride, up to you.

Thanks. You know I love it when you do that. Did you have to touch him to cast this spell? No, it's 30 foot range. Okay. Yeah, 30 foot range. Asking for a friend. One minute.

And that's my thrilling, awesome, amazing turn. Give it up for Kate Stamets. Yeah! Kate Stamis! Helping the party. Great turn. Aldo, you are up. What do you want to do?

Aldo is still flush up against this guy. He's got his brand new bandolier. He loves bandoliers, much like I do. He's just like, no, don't! Fuck off! And he's just going to keep throwing bombs

at him. He's going to throw a lightning bomb at him. I love that he's like five feet away and you're just smushing bombs in his face. Like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Well, I think it's like an escaping ninja. He's just throwing stuff down his feet, but it's at his feet.

You take a little ninja dip? Yeah, a little. I did. 30. 30. Well, not only is he flat-footed, but he also has a minus two to his AC from the rage, so that is a hit. Yes! Awesome.

Okay. And the rage doesn't specifically say flat-footed, so I is a hit. Yes! Awesome! Okay. And the rage doesn't specifically say flat-footed, so I'm counting it twice. Okay. Because I can't help but give. Uh, okay. That is... Uh, that is another... That's 17 points

of damage. And he is... will be flat-footed also until the beginning of my next turn. Okay. Nice. Very good, very good. Anything else? Second action, I'm going to throw a Dread Ampule

at him. At his flat-footedness. Gosh, that is a 18. Nope. Five points of splash damage. Gross. I'm going to throw a... Actually, that was a critical

failure, so he wouldn't take the splash damage, unless you have some feat. No, I don't. And then with my last action, I am going to... I don't know. Throw another one.

That is a 23. 23 is a miss. Okay, but that will be five points of splashdown. It's worth it for you to throw that extra one. Chip, chip, chipping away. And now it is the thrilling, the one, the only,

the murderer. Oh, it the only, the murderer. Oh, it's me? Suki. All right. It wouldn't surprise me if you said, so I went to my friend's house and they have this thing where we take baby puppies. No. And we take a picture with them and then we kill them. Because you Brooklyn people are weird.

No, no, no. And you forget, you're from Massachusetts, everyone's cheering on Joe. I lived in Massachusetts for two years. Be nice to me! Everyone lived in Massachusetts for two years. Literally everyone in the world lived in Massachusetts. I own a home here.

We could commiserate together and yet you turn everyone against me? Wait, what is that cheer that's happening back there? Salem Sid. Salem Sid. Salem Sid. Salem Sid. We had another one that was Commonwealth Kate started in the back. Who the fuck said that?

Commonwealth Kate. Wait, wasn't it like Joe? It's kind of a mouthful. Bash P. Matthew. Saugus Kid. Wait, wasn't it like... Joe? It's kind of a mouthful. Bash P. Matthew. Saga skin. Take a stupid turn. All right, so I am going to cast Hydraulic Push. I summon water that comes from the earth.

Oh, Hydraulic Push? And I'm going to slam him with the water. And it's supposed to move him five feet if I do well, but fuck it, I'll just slam him against the wall. I don't care. Ready? Watch this. That was fine. It's 34.

That's a hit, but where are you going to push him? Deeper into the wall? No, it's only on a crit that you're knocked back. I see. Oh, wait, no, I'm sorry. You're knocked back five feet on a success. All right, he just goes, ah, right into the wall. That's not a door, right?

No. No, okay, yeah. Right south of Ethel is the door. And Ethel opened that door, correct? He sure did, Joe. That's going to be 3d6. Chekhov's door. So that's only 12 points of damage.

Okay. Chipping away. And what kind of damage? Is it water damage? Force. Force damage. Bludgeoning. And then I'm going to command Pepsi again.

Fire. Energy. It's force. Water damage is brutal. Which one do you hate the most? Oh, bludgeoning. I lied. Okay. It's force. Water damage is brutal. Which one do you hate the most? Oh, bludgeoning. I lied. I was so confident. One character.

They have one character. Give it up for Saugus Skid, everybody. Hey, what's up? Saugus! Typical small bladder from Saugus. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? And then I'm going to have Pepsi move up

And take a chomp Nat 20 Pepsi The main snake Do not give Pepsi a fan What? Why? Are you out of your mind?

Pepsi Blue Whip Chex Blue Whip Chex Everyone Why? Are you out of your mind? Pepsi? Blue objects. Blue objects. Everyone. Yeah. When I write a game, there will be no animal companions. If you think Pepsi should get a crit, say yeah. Well.

I hate you guys. They've spoken. Oh, what are you going to do? Eight points of damage instead of four this round? Oh, no. Oh, no. What in the world is this one? Okay.

Oh, wait, are we doing this? Yeah, it's called Lobster Bite. Oh, yeah. All right. This one from Alfred Falzoni in Boston. Alfred? Al? Oh, I guess they're at the casket flagging with Sarah.

Up a deck, Al? No? Nothing? Fuck Al. All right. They could be $100 subscribers. He's like, deleted. All right.

I was caring for my grandmother in hospice. Fuck Alan. Come on. All right. Pepsi has drawn Romancing the Cumstone. Oh. You might want to read this one first before you read it aloud.

Roger Comstone's near inappropriate lethality is stuff of legend. Utilizing that big Comstone energy. In addition to normal crit double damage, you deal 1d6 precision damage to your target regardless of its creature type. Your target and any other allies within 10 feet are horrified by your incredible display of violence

and must roll a will save. Oh, wow. They could be straight up frightened by your display of violence from your tiny little garter snake. So that, do I double the added also? Or is that, sorry. Yes. Okay, so that's, fuck.

I'm short-circuiting. 16 points of piercing damage from the bite. Not all of it goes through. Plus the V6? Yeah. Wow. That was crow. I just had it. Have you ever balanced a check6? Yeah. Wow. There's Crow. I just had it. Thanks. Have you ever balanced a checkbook?

Five. Five. All right. And then a will save, if you please. Me or them? You. Will save. How horrifying this garden snake is.

I thought that your allies had to roll a no. It's me? You and all your allies, but it's just you. Oh, all right. Shut up. How about a nat 20? You PC lovers! As you can imagine, there is no effect. I think they're just mad because I killed two of you last time.

Just want to say, Pepsi is a boa constrictor, and he's very scary. So maybe you peed your pants a little bit, and that's okay. A boa constrictor, you can just tie to an arrow. That's right. He was a baby. The size of the snake changes from episode to episode. I'll have you know. Depending on Sidney's needs, it becomes.

I think I've also said he's a ball python. He's a boa constrictor. Now he's a garden snake. It's fine. All right. So that's what happens. Yes. And that's your turn, right?

That's my turn. All right. Ethel, you're on the ropes a little bit here. Am I? I don't know. No, he's strong. He's strong. Are you strong?

I'm feeling good. Okay. And I'm feeling even better because of my bravery ability. I should have been reducing those values of the frightened every time I got them by one, so I'm now no longer frightened. Oh, you did it after the facts. Yes. Okay.

So I am hasted, so I get an extra action. Nobody likes a braggart. I'm going to do some battle medicine on myself. Yeah. Battle medicine? Okay. Okay. And I succeed. So let me give myself a Yeah. Battle medicine? Okay. Okay, and I succeed.

So let me give myself a little bit of healing. Great. I'm going to do some battle medicine on myself. I'm going to heal myself and come back home. I'm from New Jersey.

You okay over there? Okay. All right. And I'm going to do a double slice. Jesus Christ. You did not. No. Did you?

Get off the stage. No, it's not a natural one. Okay. With the Warhammer, 28 to hit. With all of his conditions. Wait, how long is your flat footed last? Mine is over, but Skid's is still going. Alright, so that is not a hit.

Not a hit. Fuck off! Not a hit. Alright. Wow. Well, then the other one won't hit either. Let's play a game where everybody wins. Thanks for selling out the Paradise, but...

Okay, the hatchet misses as well And then with my final action I'm going to attempt to demoralize him You Get away Poop head Okay, 33 intimidation 33 and that's against my will DC That actually Is enough to demoralize him Okay, 33 intimidation. 33, and that's against my will, DC.

That actually is enough to demoralize. Yeah! 33. Larry! All right, so that's... Chuck you! That was Larry Bird's favorite song. All right, so I'm frightened one, right? Yes.

All right, so he's on the ropes a little bit. You guys are actually starting to do damage, and then finally a demoralizing attempt takes hold, and this guy seems a little shaken. And you notice that as you're starting to strike him, not all of your damage is always going through. It seems like Aldo's is, but the more physical attacks, per se, aren't. However, you do notice that as his

arm, for example, has been hit, the skin is starting to unravel, and there's nothing underneath. So the strikes into his body that are opening up wounds, they're not bleeding. There's no there there. Wow.

It's like the credit sequence of Full Metal Alchemist. Yeah! That's exactly what it is. Love that show. There, there. Wow. It's like the credit sequence of Full Metal Alchemist. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. Love that show. That's my turn. That's your turn. Hell of a turn. Thank you.

Don't applaud. Atticus, you're up. It's been a long time. Yeah, he's too far out to see any of this stuff, so Atticus is going to... You look like every kid I went to high school with. I know. That's where the Boston Joe thing came from, is this fucking look right here.

That's how it started. That's what I'm going for. What a piece of trash. I know, exactly. Was anyone ever under the impression that Boston Joe wasn't a piece of trash? That's exactly what Boston Joe is. Atticus is going to try to get into his show zone,

and he does a classic trick that he's very familiar with, and he's going to whoosh and vanish, and he's going to become invisible. Then he's going to slip through, past Eris, past Pepsi, the only one that actually scares him. Because he's like, is this snake going to fucking bite me? And he slips past Aldo and Ethel until, where did my guy go? He disappeared.

He disappeared. Okay. He's right there. Yes. Until he reappears just below Ethel, but he's still invisible. So he slips into that room right next to Ethel. At that moment, a naga emerges from the captain's chairs. What?

No, I'm just kidding. Oh, God. So he quietly slips into this little corner and doesn't want the guy to know that he's there quite yet, and that's his turn. You have entered the study of death. All right. Top of round three. It is old my acne and mun question marks turn. Ethel, you are still flat-footed until the end of his turn here.

I know. So I'm going to focus my attention on you. I'm not trying to pick on you. You're just the weakest. So here we go. Fist, the weakest. So, here we go. Fist. He's just punch, punch, punch. Oh, natty 19.

Trickled to a natty 3. So that's going to be a 26 to hit. Miss. Nice. Nice. Fuck! All right, I'm'm gonna punch you again. Oh, you want some of the sauce?

How about this? Uh, 30. Hit. Let's go. With the sneak attack. John on top. Alright, 14 points of bludge. You've got this.

And then another 9 of precision. You've got this. Okay. Alright. 14 plus nine. And I'm going to take my third action to punch you again. How's Ethel looking, by the way? He's hurt.

Yeah. I'm going to roll it in front of Boston Joe. Oh. Touch of law. Natural 11. All right, 11 plus 15 is 26. Miss. Come on!

Yeah, baby! You're cheating! You're sitting up here and you're lying about your AC. AC 27. Kate, what's my AC? This is it. This is the final round that you are fake

my acne and mun stats. I am going to go to another rock club and run another game for people I like. Are there people you like? I'm going to the Wang Center to play a real game. We would not sell out the Wang Center.

They would be very disappointed. very disappointed alright that's my turn I hate you guys it is Eris' turn Eris I feel like I haven't talked to you in an hour alright now that I'm in the doorway and I can see everything that's going on and I see us hitting quote unquote my acne and mun

and all this nothingness happening can I roll some sort of knowledge check, maybe occultism to maybe understand more what's going on. I specifically want to know weaknesses maybe. Yeah, and here's what we're going to do. I'm going to have you roll it and based on the success we'll have Joe read

the results. So go ahead. I'm going to let him really go wild and I'm going to give him like a one minute timer to give you all the information. Joe, what do you think about that? So go ahead and roll'm going to let him really go wild, and I'm going to give him a one-minute timer to give you all the information. Joe, what do you think about that? I got that. Sounds like he's got it.

Sick. No sweat. Here we go. Come on! Come on! Come on! All right, give me that jawn. Give me that jawn.

All right, I'm so sick of rolling like shit. I've got two bottle caps right now and I rolled a natural eight. I'm rolling it again. I want to know what's going on. I'm sorry. Go for it. Fuck! Can I just take the better one that I rolled?

No. No? No, you can't. 25. 25. You know what? That might be enough to gain some information. Joe, how much information should she gain from that? I have a timer set. I'm going to give him 33 seconds for the great Larry Bird. I think she should get at least one weakness. Oh, that's a good point.

Let's see how old Bladder O'Brien, if he just sits down before this gets to 33 seconds. You simply know he will not. 26, 27, 28. Should I roll a stun? This is the best idea for filling dead air we've ever had. Oh, I'm so sorry.

It doesn't need to be this way. It doesn't need to be this way. Here's what you know. He does sneak attack damage. So you better watch out for that. Why are you doing this to me? Question mark. All right.

I'll tell you a little bit more. He has resistance physical five. Okay. Okay. All right. I try to share that. Oh, hey, Joe. Welcome back.

I've only been in hell Since you left They noticed I did a really good impression of you You should listen to it later It was uncanny I had to look I was like what It was great

So I yell that Over my acne in his head Like hey Ethel You're doing great Love the enthusiasm He seems to have a resistance. Sorry, babe. And then because I saw maybe he might have lower will save,

I'm going to cast Phantasmal Killer. Oh, man. So roll a will save. Or no. It's a saving throw. Whoa, whoa, no. It's happening now. The killer is here.

The killer is here among us. The call is coming from inside the Paradise Rock Club. Yeah. Band of the Paradise. All right. What do I have to do? Or do you do something? Roll a will save.

Roll a will save. Okay. 27. Ooh, that's a fail. Oh. Yeah. What? What? Oh, I don't have this many G6. Okay, 27. Ooh, that's a fail! Oh! Yeah!

What? Oh, I don't have this many G6. Oh, what am I going to do? First of all, you're frightened, too. Oh! Nice. Because you failed. I was already frightened one.

All right, so I'll be frightened two now. I guess it stacks, so you're frightened. Oh, maybe it stacks. What do you all think? Do we want to change the rules since we're playing pretend and having fun? When you... How dare you? He's frightened, too! Commonwealth cake.

Is this Boston cake? Commonwealth cake. Boston cake! Boston cake! Boston Cape. Boston Cape. I love this place. In grace. All of you.

All right, so that damage. Right, right, right, right. Let's see. You take 26 points of damage. Oh, yeah, all right. Hot damn. Pew, pew, pew. And that's my turn.

I don't care for it. Nice. That was... Mental damage, for the record. Mental damage. Mental damage. Oh, he's getting blasted by mental damage. Menthol damage.

By menthol damage. Stop smoking those cools. So minty. So fresh. All right, yeah, I can take that. Okay, it is Aldo's turn. Aldo, your friends are teaming up on this dude

and taking him out. Alright, Aldo is heartened by the success of his friends and he's just like, looks like your hour is up, fake man! And he's gonna throw a lightning bomb at his feet. Fucking fuck!

That is a 22 to hit. No. But it is not a failure, a critical failure. No. All right, so that's five points of splash damage. That's up. Gonna throw another one at his feet. You dropped the bomb on him.

That is a 16 to hit. That is a critical failure. Rolling like fucking garbage. Oh, no. What the hell? Throw another one. Wait, wait, wait. You're sure?

Frightened three, flat-footed. That's still a critical. Damn. I don't like your tone either. I was just double-checking. I was doing an accounting. Turn your hat around. Nah, bro.

You would get beat up by a BU nerd tonight. That is a 24 to hit on the last one. No, poop salad. But that will actually give five points. Five points. Yeah. All right, so Aldo is just, he's so far away from the enemy, he can barely see him. Just relentlessly chucking bombs at the wall directly.

Fucking absurd. It's a silly thing we do. But each time one of them explodes, there's this boom. This sonic boom. Like the blue angels are flying overhead every time. Boom, boom, boom. Suki and Pepsi. Suki.

All right. Suki. Suki. Suki. A little fadeaway Suki jump. Suki. Oh, yeah. Nothing makes me laugh more than that fucking song.

I should mention, everybody knows Francis from Get in the Trunk, right? Francis. Francis. Crazy. Francis is shooting the show tonight! There he is! Francis! Woo!

Francis and CJ! Is it? Ow! The entire team from the new Glass Cannon to Bueno is here. Is here tonight? Yeah, the whole crew. That's how we do it.

Started from the bottom, now we're here. Woo! Matt Brody. Matt's right there do. Started from the bottom. Now we're here. Matt Brody. Matt's right there. Yes. Hi, Matt. Matt! And the reason I bring that up is because I'm sure he laughed at that round ball rock drop. Who's turn is it?

Suki. Suki. All right. Suki dribbles in. Goes for a layup. Stands behind Pepsi. She is going to fire her electric arc heightened to fifth level at Munn.

It's a... I thought it was a... Well, that's fine. He's frightened three. Reflex save. Frightened three. That's going to be a minus three. Two is reflex John. What are you scared? 29. Tits.

That is a success. There are children here. There are drunk children here. How dare you. Oh my god. Oh my god. There you go.

13 points. Oh, 15 points of electricity. 13 points. Oh, 13, 14, 15 points of electricity. Seven. Seven points. Half of that. Thank you, Joe. Seven points of electricity. And then...

And how's he looking? Fine? Great. Great. Nice. And then... Nice. I then... Nice. I have more.

I have so many songs for failure. It's perfect. That's me. I feel that in my wiener. I took my three actions, but because I took that new feat, Mature Animal Companion, Pepsi gets a bite off,

even though I didn't command him to do that. Buff that loser. The loser who crit on you. Oh, snap. Oh, man. So close to doing it again. Natural 18. That's going to be what's his jaws?

24 to hit. Oh, yes. Wait, no. You didn't add that up right. 34 to hit. 34 to hit. Oh, yes. Wait, no. What? You didn't add that up right. 34 to hit. 34 to hit. 34 to hit is a hit. Yeah, buddy.

Yeah. 12 points of piercing damage. 14 points of piercing damage. No, no, no, no. Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Again! Boston Joe! I'm bad at math, but I rolled a six and a two. Why are you going to go into this right now?

Because you're correcting me in your role. I'm not at math, but I rolled a six and a two. Why are you going to go into this right now? Because you're correcting me in your role. I'm not correcting you. Oh, math fight. Math fight. Nerd! What's six plus two? All right, yeah, 12. Nerd!

Nerd! Looks like a couple of students from MIT came up on stage to have a good old-fashioned math fight. Anybody here from Boston? All right. Is he dead? It's Ethel's turn. No, stop.

Stop playing your crappy character for a moment. Ethel, you're up. You have had a rough day. I've had a rough day. To say the least. You have that faint taste of. I've had a rough day. To say the least. You have that faint taste of Jägermeister on your lips.

And no memory of how it got there. Must have happened to the Dreamlands, you think to yourself. But you look over at my acne and mun. A person you're still trying to remember, like maybe on the boat they had mentioned, oh, we found these receipts. You don't still know, you don't really know who he is.

But you know he's got to go. It's your turn. Double slice. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's the best I've rolled all night. Okay.

So that is. Not saying much. That's a 39 to hit on the Warhammer. Hit. And a 28 on the hatchhammer. Hit. And a 28 on the Hatchet. Hit. Yes! So that's a crit.

What? Crit. Is it 20? The 39 is a crit. Well, let me ask you this. I tried to look this up, and I moved on with my life. Does Frightened lower AC? Yes.

Then yes, that is a crit. Yes! All right, give me a fortune save while I roll my damage. The natural three, fail. Oh! Okay. All right.

A couple things are going to happen. Oh! A couple things are going to happen. No, bud. 32 points of damage from the Warhammer. He's dead. Shut up. Francis, stop clapping!

Motherfucker. Friends like these, huh? The lights came up and I just saw Francis. Son of a bitch. This guy hits the floor and like unravels like... Imagine a mummy, right? All of its folds of cloth. The cloths start to fall, and there's nothing underneath. He's completely hollow on the inside.

And Ethel just continues to pound with the hammer against the open rag on the floor. He's like... Muscles bulging, sweat pouring. It's kind of hot. He's like, muscles bulging, sweat pouring. It's kind of hot. It's kind of hot. I mean, I would say stop, but

she goes up to stop you. She goes up to stop you and then sees and does not stop you. Eventually, he stops at his own accord and he looks up and he's like, I got your note. I got your note.

That's a bottle cap. That's a bottle cap. That's how you earn them. That's how you earn them. That's how you earn them. You just have to be brilliant and you earn a bottle cap. I got your note. I mean, we will laugh about that

the rest of the trip home. Good job, Matt. I got your note. Oh, that's good. That's good. All right, what do you do? I had the weirdest dream. We were fighting that tree thing.

And then all of a sudden I wasn't there with the tree thing anymore And I was in My wife's attorney's office My wife was there And her attorney was there And I was representing myself And

Prosay, can you see? It was so strange Every time they would say something to me and I could just feel my life and my marriage and my love and my children slipping away from me and every time they said something I don't know I wanted to get too graphic but it was like more shit

it was like soaking through my clothes but then you were there Me? You were there And you started to You would like wipe my brow What was I wearing?

I guess this. What you're wearing now, I guess. Yeah, I always wear this. What you've been wearing the entire time, I've known you. We're like cartoon characters. We never change. It's like Bart Simpson, always in the red. I don't know. You wiped my brow And then you Padded me on the head

And as I felt my Everything I've ever known and loved Slip away from me I thought maybe things would be okay But then I woke up in the hotel room and I don't want to talk about that. That's for the best. All I'm going to say is don't worry about it.

I've cleaned up the mess. Yeah, he's like still covered in blood from when he showed up. You know what? If they search the hotel room, they won't find anything. It's covered in blood and mop shards. So, how are you guys?

I've been better. Atticus has become visible again. And during Ethel's whole dream speech to Aeris, he's kneeling down on the remains of this husk. And it's still there. It doesn't, like, vanish, right? Yeah, no, it unravels like a paper mache, man. Yeah, so he, like, wide-eyed is just grabbing the pieces and, like, pulling it up and trying to run his hands through it.

I'm going to do an occultism recall knowledge to see if I can... Sure. How does one make one of these? Mm-hmm. Okay. That is a 32. All right, so this is a creature known as a hollow one. A hollow one. A hollow one.

They are constructs that are made to resemble humans. It is... Are they made to resemble a human you want them to resemble, or to resemble like the creator? You could make them in your own image. You can make them any way you want.

Maybe you could just make a friend. Is it sentient? Yes. I mean, you spoke to him and it seemed to have memories and own thoughts. And a father. Perhaps when it's said.

And a father, yeah. I mean, this is something that is often done by alchemists. And so I imagine Aldo, at some point in your training this may have been something that you read about i made the the reference to full metal alchemist brotherhood but i mean there is a sense of like maybe this is one of those things that's kind of the forbidden forbidden tome of alchemists like the code you're not really supposed to do this no this is bad this is bad juju making a hollow in one. Also, everyone

should watch Full Metal Alchemist Brothers. It's so good. It's really fucking good. But it is like the opening with him and his brother. It's literally that. Edward. That fucked

me up. That's why I don't watch it. You constantly talk about how great it is and so That fucked me up. I learned the entire... That's why I don't watch it. Like, you constantly talk about how great it is, and so does Sydney, and every time you're both like, but it is so messed up that I couldn't stop.

I couldn't sleep for days. I'm like, I'm not going to watch that. But yeah, basically, the connection here is like, I think this would be one of those things that is like a taboo. You don't create life. Even though this isn't really life, it is a construct. And it's still meant to sort of mimic life.

And it had its own mind. It took mental damage. Sydney, I see you prepping a roll there. Yeah, I'm just getting ready for when you're done. Are you through? What do you got cooking over there? A little perception check? No, I was gonna treat wounds on Ethel. Okay. I'll stop.

Ethel will pick up the pants. The empty, hollowed pants that fell to the floor. And the shirt. I have to ask why. Because he's gonna change out of his shit and blood-covered clothing. Wait, are you going to put on the Hollow Ones clothing?

Yeah. That's awesome. Angeline, we know what next month's poster is going to be. So he strips down to his underwear and then they're pretty soiled too. So he stands behind the chair That was a previous condition. That's it.

And he changes into this guy's clothes. Wow. Okay, so you kind of sneak outside. I feel so at home around us. I know, maybe Eris catches a sideways glance of your piece. What would you say you're packing there, Ethel? Six, seven? Penis E? Penis E?

Penis D. Penis D. Gen Penis D Genitals D Genitals D Man there are very That's a genitals D if I've ever seen one I imagine Ethel's got a nice little piece And maybe you catch a sideways glance At his situation We're such children

Oh god We're such children. Oh, God. We're all gonna die. Okay. Sorry. I did treat wounds. You get 19 back for Ethel. You get 37 for...

Because I did DC 30. Yeah, DC 30 for that. So 30 hit points plus what I roll on my D8. You get 37, and then Eris, you get 42. Holy shit. Wow. Holy crap. And then, Aldo, are you down? Yes.

Well, let's just be aware here that this is 10 minutes of pop. 10 minutes of pop. So now, we're in this lobby for like 40 minutes. Let me talk to you about this vestibule. Yeah. So we're searching around. And like jumped into a fight. It's actually kind of cozy in here. There is a

carved wooden coat rack that is stopped, topped rather, with stuffed sturges. Do you guys remember from Feast of Ravenmore? Oh yeah. Like giant fucking mosquitoes. Apple shits! If you guys remember from Feast of Ravenmoor, like giant fucking mosquitoes. Apple shares! They're a delicacy, aren't they?

Yep, call back. Several fine garments hang on the coat rack, suggesting that their wearer is a gentleman of some standing. They are fancy clothes. Oh, I put those clothes on. Oh yeah, why? You didn't search the room. You just started taking his soil clothes. There are numerous fancy bottles,

strange alchemical objects, and a hefty cudgel sitting on a recessed shelf. And then directly opposite the door is a portrait of the man who answered the door. In his 50s, neat blonde hair hair immaculate attire and he's just kind of like this and a a chemical scent fills the air although you notice it first and then everyone else kinds of smells smells it it's like oh wow that's, you know when you're near a pool? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like that. Can I do an alchemical lore to identify that scent? That is a 34.

34. There must be an alchemical lab nearby. There's an alchemical lab nearby. Can I inspect the cudgel? Yes. Yes. You want to roll on that? Sure.

Can I roll I don't know. Athletics? Yeah. Athletics sounds good. That's a 37. Good roll. Oh, I'm sorry. 35. Oh, 35? You're fucked. No, that's still good.

It is a wooden cudgel. With no other properties of interest. Can it be used as a weapon? Yeah, it's a cudgel. That's literally the only reason one would own a cudgel. Can this gun be used as a weapon? I'd like to play badminton, but today I'd like to use my cudgel. Well, who builds a cudgel out of wood? That's just weird.

Well, I didn't know what that was, so I looked up cudgel, and cudgel literally is a short, thick stick used as a weapon. Made of wood. It's made of wood. so it's made of wood. Eris stuffs the cudgel down his pants to increase his bulge. Don't play my player. Not Eris, Ethel.

So she stuffs the cudgel down your pants. Sorry, I meant Ethel. Yeah, no, it's a cudgel. This is a beat stick. A beat stick. I'm adding it to my... What are you, in a cargo cult or something? Specialize in hammers.

Atticus will detect magic on the immediate area, just to, if there's presence or absence of magic in the two rooms. Yes, you. You notice that There is a An aura of magic coming from One of the pockets of the coats That's hanging on the Coat rack

He starts walking to the coat rack slowly Coat rack Joe Puts a little rat hand up to it Coat rack Joe Coat rack Joe He starts rooting Coat rack Joe Coat rack Joe Code Rack Joe. No, no. He starts rooting. He can't just make up chants.

I think they might serve alcohol in this establishment. Be sure to tip your bartender. He starts rooting through the pockets of the jackets. Alright, you start rooting through the pockets of the jackets. You immediately find you feel a couple coins, you dirty rat.

Three gold pieces you find, in fact. You shove them into your little tuxedo. You find a small clay pipe, perhaps a crack pipe. Oh, yeah. An artisanal crack pipe. Be careful, Cindy's going to take it and start smoking it. You find an artisanal crack pipe. Be careful. Cindy's going to take it and start smoking it. You find an artisanal crack pipe. I prefer my crack pipes handmade.

I mean, it's honestly the nicest crack pipe. Oh, my God. It's such a nice crack pipe. I've seen a lot of crack pipes. This is really nice. He looks at the big fortune. He just goes. I swear. Is the crack

pipe magical? No. Just you wait. Not until you put something in it. Then you also find the source of the magical aura. A silver stoppered potion.

I'd like to attempt to identify it. a silver stoppered potion. Ooh. I'd like to attempt to identify it. What is it, Atticus? Atticus is like, I don't know yet. Give me ten minutes. I'll roll Arcana to try to identify the item.

That is a 29. That's a potion of invisibility. Oh! Of course he would recognize this. He like tilts it up against the light. He's like, oh, yes. Little potion that would be used by

those not so capable. Perhaps one of you would like its invisibility. And he hands it out to whomever would like to take it. Drink this, and you'll vanish for ten minutes. I think Ethel should take it, because I would

very much like to not see him. You turn around, and Ethel is putting on the really nice coat. What? I have one, actually. Yes, perhaps. Yes. And he hands it to Suki.

To give to Pepsi. Yes, Suki immediately pops it and pours it in Pepsi's mouth. Oh, good, the snake's gone. Thank you so much. No, no, no. Watch, watch, watch. No, I'll hand you the potion. He's gone.

Hey Suki, where's Pepsi? Gone. No, I don't do that. Suki just takes it and puts it up her sleeve and then it like disappears somewhere into her dress. Thank you, Atticus. I'm sure I'll remember I have that. I'll write myself an email

that I got a potion of invisibility. Currently doing that. Anything else in either of these rooms? Alright, so let's talk about the room to the south that Ethel so rudely barged into. I just opened the door. It is, like I said, a study.

There's all these old maps hanging on the wall. Two comfortable leather captain's chairs drawn up to a curious table that looks to be made from a small preserved owlbear. GCN owlbear

t-shirt is available at the merch stand, by the way. Wow. There is a decanter half full of red liquid and a leather case lying on this bizarre looking table. And there's a...

Is there a fucking door in here? Yeah, right behind Atticus. Behind Atticus, yeah. And there's a door right to the north of Urus. I hand the decanter to Atticus in case it's anything more than wine, and I'll inspect the leather case. All right.

You hand the decanter to Atticus. You hand it back to me. He hands it back to you. You open up the leather case, and it contains seven crystal goblets that are worth, I can tell you, 25 silver pieces each. Oh. You want to just steal from this person. Yeah, like we're just robbing this guy. This is a straight-up home invasion at this point. We're just,'re just robbing this guy. This is a straight up home invasion at this point.

We're just like robbing this guy. Yeah, we take it. Everybody roll a perception check. Everybody. 30 for Atticus. 26 for Eldar. 33 for Ethel. 29 for Aeris.

34 for Suki. All right, so literally everybody, as you start to come in, I imagine you're walking in like, oh, can I see that room? Coming in and out so all of you get a look at it. You start to look at the maps, and you notice that one appears to be missing. Like there's a place for a map, and there's like a faint sort of you know

when you hang a picture for a long time and take it off you can tell that something else used to be there you see that one of the maps had been removed recently and you rolled a what a 30 30 Ethel had a 33 I think

and Suki had a 34. Alright, so Suki, if you're looking around and kind of peering, you also notice a scroll that is taped to the back of one of the maps. Magical scroll. Yeah, maybe she's like feeling that spot that was missing and then she feels a bump and she

peels it and pulls it out from behind it. Can I tell what it is? You have to roll an Arcana check. I can do this. She says to herself. Yeah, a little self-affirmation before she... That's a 29. It's a scroll of Rey's dead.

Oh, shit. Whoa. I think she immediately is like, oh, oh. Alto. Yeah? What you were saying before about this

entity, I think perhaps Mun is doing something far more dangerous. He had this taped behind one of the maps. It's a scroll of Rey's dead. Well, yes. I mean, I don't think we should carry the comparison to Full Metal Alchemist too far,

because this is something that can be done in the Pathfinder universe without many repercussions. But what if he's trying to bring back his mother? No, I know, but I hope he doesn't turn his brother into a robot or anything else. But he's going to fuck it up. I know. Well, yes, you're right. Spoilers.

It happens like in the first episode. Anyway. Yes, first episode of the fucking show. Like we said, it's a messed up show. No, this is, this is, why would he stall? This is something of great value. You're going to tape it up behind a... I tear down the other maps.

I wonder if there's other ones. You start tearing down the other maps. They're depicting various regions of the inner sea. Two of them are actually quite old and fine. Maybe someone less of a savage than you would be like, hey, stop, hold off, those are old maps and they're nice. Oh, actually,

can I do, before we do that, can I do, because I have a geography lore, can I do just to see how valuable they might be? Yeah, sure, for sure. 30. Okay, so there's two maps in particular, one of Ustalav and one of Osirian,

that are, like, quite old, fancy, fine. They might be... You could actually resell them if you wanted to continue to steal from this man while he's not in this room. But, yeah, the other ones look... The kind you get at a bus stop. All right.

I'm going to grab the two that are worthwhile and take them. And I'll tell you, they're worth 75 silver pieces each. Nice. Nice. The table is fancy, too, but it's not like you guys have a way to carry that table out of there. No. You turn around, and Ethel has loaded the table onto his back. Just has an owlbear corpse on his back.

The decanter is made of an exquisitely etched crystal containing a superb vintage of red wine, a rare Talden style. I imagine back in the day, Atticus, you could have only dreamed to drink a Talden vintage. He'd have to be invited to somebody much richer's place to have wine of this nature. But he's like, put down the table.

We're not here to loot the place. Yes, we are. We need to find the master of the house. He starts looking up and around. And kill him. And loot him. And take his stuff. Take the deed to the home itself. Sell the land.

Real estate isn't a premium right now. We can really clean up. There's a housing shortage. There is a huge housing shortage. There's another door in the foyer. Perhaps we should go through that door before entering

further? Ethel hurls the owlbear table through it. Oh my god! Super ducks. Which way are you going? To the door to the north? Just north of Eris? The door to the north! The door to the west!

Or the door to the west of Atticus. Where did you throw that fake table? I mean, I'm in that room, so the door to the west. Yeah, that makes sense. The door to the west! The door to the west! Atticus is not there, for the record. Is it because you're afraid

of being hit by the table? Alright, so Atticus moves out of the way just as Ethel throws an owlbear table at this door. And you open up your fucking dummy you open up

Ethel's been through a little bit of an experience he's in a state right now he's like sorry he's had a rough day alright so you open up into this next room and this is an interesting little room here.

I'm actually going to show you more of the John. Oh! It's a very big room. It's a much bigger John than what I was expecting. Judge me by my size, do you? It's a good looking room. Pretty solid piece. It has an odd opening in the center of the floor though there's a series of worn handrails that sort of prevent careless falls to the ground

below so you just see this hole in the center of the room and there's these like rickety old handrails protecting you from just falling right into the center. But the chamber here above is filled with books and all sorts of intriguing objects. They seem to be all of a medical nature. There is what looks like a staircase to the north that leads up and then just across from where you fired that owl parrot taxidermy into the room there is a single door like on the southern end of this room

that faces you leading into what you would imagine would be a pretty small room based on the dimensions of the home. Closets perhaps. Yeah, let's check the small door. Ethel, open it. I open it.

Ethel, you open it, and there is what looks like a small, it's like a velvet and mahogany-lined chamber that contains a brass chain and pulley hoist elevator. So, like, the type elevator, it looks like it only goes down that you have to like pull yourself. Like a dumb waiter? I'm talking to Matthew. Like a dumb waiter? Yeah, like a dumb waiter.

It's really perceptive. Thanks, Troy. It's not. Yeah. You look like a dumb waiter. Good job, Matthew. Good job. Matthew, everybody. Matthew, Troy. It's not. You look like a dumb waiter. Good job, Matthew. Good job. Let's hear it for Matthew

for coming up with the really great questions all on his own without any fucking help. Every time, man. It's good to be back. The clock works. Good to be back. You know, it's a beautiful look. Like everything in this house, it's very pristine. Obviously, Mun, if he really does live here,

has some money. But you do notice there are some mold splotches running along the lower parts of the velvet wall. That's going to lower the value. Covering. Unless you don't get an inspection, you'll be fine.

Let's take that into account. So like black mold or just like mildew? It's kind of like a mildewy greenish mold. Oh, inspection, you'll be fine. Let's take that into account. Is it like black mold or just like mildew? It's kind of like a mildewy greenish mold. Oh, okay. It'll be fine. We can do this ourselves. Yeah, as long as it's not black mold. Let's get some box fans in here.

Let's see some fans. But yeah, there's a lot in this room here. All right. This one. Can we search this room? Yeah, roll a seek on the room. Yeah, I'm going to do a perception as well. Perception.

29. Okay, what are you looking for in particular? I'm looking through the books. Valuable stuff. Yeah, to see if there's anything of the ilk of Lyle's collections. There's also socks. You need some socks. The one thing he's missing right now is...

the one thing he's missing right now is um the warren books that seem to be lining the room shelves are reference works for the most part most of which are about the creation of constructs like you just fought uh and other alchemical experiments involving flesh and bone. You imagine you could make a pretty penny if you stole every book here, because this might be the kind of books that they like burn in the town square. No, you're not supposed to do this type of alchemy. But I can't imagine you have the capability, so I don't know why they wrote the value of all these books in the adventure. It's 250 pounds worth of books. What's the value of all these books in the adventure. It's 250 pounds worth of books.

Jeez. What's the value? 900 silver pieces. Let's spend a day. I can't. I'll go get an ox cart. I'm slowing them out. I'll tell you this. In addition, there are also enough alchemical tools

and supplies in this room to count as two complete alchemist labs. If you wanted to gather them all up, Aldo. I think Aldo is salivating at all this. He's just like, this is wonderful. I haven't had this kind of equipment since I came to this strange alien world. What? Never mind. And he's gonna... Yeah, he's like gathering little beakers

and flasks and stuff. Oh, shit. Put it in your pocket and you see something that you've only read about. And you've always, I imagine, you've always wanted to have one, but maybe you never had the coin in which to do so. And you pull it off the shelf.

It's something known as a hybridization funnel. Oh, what? It allows you to mix two alchemical splash weapons into a single flask. Oh, wait! Whoa. Wait! Wait!

Wait! No. Wait. Yeah, right. No. Wait. Yeah. Right now it only exists in 1E, but I'll send you the 2E specs. Oh, sweet. Okay. Thank you.

You keep looking at the books and everything, Atticus and your best friend Suki. Suki, you also find a straw-lined wine crate that has like a stamp on it that says, Product of Taldor. And it contains 11 bottles of the same fine vintage that you found in the decanter in the other room. Wow. A nice Dornish red. Oh, this is good. Ethel picks it up and hurls it through the next door. No! It shatters.

Red wine goes everywhere. Starts seeping into the floor below. Ethel, you monster. You find a wooden case that's nailed shut that has all these alchemical symbols on it. I'm just going to say, you fucking crowbar it open. There are 12 vials of alchemist fire inside

and 12 vials of acid. Oh my gosh. Yeah. There's a shelf in a, resting on a shelf in a glass leech bowl with gold tongs depicting frolicking vampires next to a purse that has been made out of a small taxidermic cat.

You find 280 silver pieces and two tourmalines of high quality worth 125 silver pieces each, as well as four chunks of cloudy amber worth five silver pieces each. This is the most loot we've ever found in this campaign. We spent an entire book in our dreams. We did find some amazing loot.

It's nice to get some tactile shit. You couldn't keep any of that. Suki takes the cat purse and tucks it into her robe and hopes no one else sees it. What are you doing? What? Suki.

I believe this is tourmaline and cloudy amber. What was that? What? Suki. There's, I believe this is tourmaline and... No, no, no. ...plowdy amber. What was that? What was what? Did you put in your robes? Nothing.

Suki. Suki. Roll off deception. I'm rolling deception. You making up rules? No, this is It's against my perception, DC Yeah, I'm really in deception

Yeah, what'd you get? 23 Fail I know So you see her shoving coins into her purse No, it's the cat Sookie takes the taxidermied cat purse back out I've never seen something like it.

I just wanted... We are not here to rob this man. I know. You turn around, Ethel is stuffing little knickknacks into his pockets. Yeah, we're all just like pulling stuff off the walls.

Aldo, that's a really cool purse. I would try to take it too. I think you should take it. As soon as Atticus turns back and is like, what are you doing? Suki just puts it back in her pocket. It seems we are all playing a different game. Suki feels bad.

She feels bad for the animal. She wants to go bury it properly. She wants to give it like... She wants to give a funeral for the person. Yeah. Don't be like, I like it. I've just never seen one like this. She says to Atticus,

I'd like to properly dispose of it. It's wrong that they've kept it here in this form. Well, Atticus is a rat. This is a representation of your mortal enemy. Exactly. It's wrong that they've kept it here in this form. Well, Atticus is a rat. This is a representation of your mortal enemy. Exactly. It's a cat. Oh, do you not like this? What, do you adore it so? Do you worship cats?

No, I don't worship cats. I just think it's wrong. If you were taxidermied up on a shelf, I would pull you down too. I was once frozen in amber for an entire season. I know the feeling. Suki looks heartbroken. Oh my gosh.

I didn't know that. It was Christmas time. I don't know what that is. Suffice to say, it is a divine time. And it was horrible. We need to find Mun. Well, hold on. Stop. Ethel!

You got your hands literally in your pocket. Just focus, please. Troy. Here's something break for pulling a painting off the wall. Oh, man. Crashes down. I thought it was in my contract that I could keep what I found.

Yes, what's the house is clear. Yes. Troy, question. Yes. With that perception check, just on the map, is this anything that's north of Suki? It almost looks like a switch on the ground. Is that like something or is that just on the map? Where are you looking?

The lever. Either side of the door. That's just a little decoration. It's a little Davy Maps flavor. That's the cat purse. Pick it up. No, that's not the cat purse. Do what you must.

While you all are looking at your books, I take Egg and I go, go off, little one. And while Egg is walking around, like I want to look into this pit because the pit seems cool. But Egg is going to use his familiar ability, Soul Sight. And he gains life sense with a range of 30 feet. Oh. So just as Egg is walking around, I'm also imagining it permeates at all directions,

the 30 feet. It sure does. So it maybe permeates if there's an upstairs or a downstairs. Yes. You know what? I'll imagine that too.

Yeah. Yeah, I see it. I see it perfectly. I'm already imagining it. It's happening. Life sense has an imprecise sense with a range of 10 feet, right? I mean, maybe that's what that says, but mine says your familiar gains life sense with a range of 30 feet. 30 feet.

Okay. sense with a range of 30 feet 30 feet okay allows you to sense the life force within living creatures and its counterforce that animates the undead oh wait you can't distinguish between the two that's the sort of the basics of life sense but your john gives you a little greater range pause i'm a better person than i once was because I read the entire thing in front of me and I read the rules now. I don't have a psychopomp familiar. I don't even know what that is. And that's a requirement.

So, never mind. Okay. I look into the pit. It was really cool, but I appreciate you not cheating like Joe. You look in the pit. Not your poppet, not Egg. Egg can look with me, too. All right, you and Egg walk up to this handrail. Egg immediately falls in because it's tiny and dies.

You look down, and it looks like a surgery room below. Oh. Oh, this is like an operating theater. Like a whole gallery? And when you guys came up, you saw all these sort of accoutrements that made you think like, this looks like it used to be an infirmary of some sort

that has been repurposed into a home, but this is a remnant of the old building. And you look down there and it's like, what the fuck's going on down there? It looks like there's a vat with like something floating around it, this like liquid floating around in it. There's like some like massive wires and tubes and shit.

And there also looks to be like stained glass windows down there. But it's underground. It's very, very strange. Let's go down there. I can send Egg down there for a bit. Just to see. You also have access to an elevator. There's an elevator.

Let's take the elevator down. Is everyone... Aldo's like super curious about this. Yeah, it's all like in his sort of sphere. And Atticus Is everyone... Aldo's like super curious about this. Yeah. Because it's all like in his sort of sphere. And Atticus is, yeah, he's jumping right onto it too because this is forbidden magic. And it's kind of always been a thing he's been interested in is, you know, how do you get ahead by not following the rules?

And so he's very curious about this guy's experiments. But how's everybody doing health-wise? Yeah, I'm going to say in this time, I would have treated wounds on you, Aldo, as well. So you can get 41 hit points back. Oh, thank you. I'm still down a bunch. We also bought potions. Everyone has potions.

Yeah, there was no need. I can give a moderate health elixir to you as well. Oh, great. Yeah, I'll use that. All right. I'll take care of that. I'm almost at full. Not quite, but that's fine.

He's feeling fine. And yeah, I don't think... We're good on conditions. Yeah. So yeah, he's good to... He's like, let's use the elevator. It looks like not all of us can fit in at once, so I guess who should we send down first? Athel.

You could squeeze. I would say you could squeeze. Asps. Very dangerous. You go first. I'd say everybody could, but Pepsi can fit in. No, no, no. Pepsi can take my spot. I'll jump. Just shoot Pepsi down. Pepsi is a giant boa constrictor. Shoot him down on an arrow. No, no, no.

Pepsi. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. No, you stay. Oh, sorry. Sorry. We're squeezed. Ethyl and Aris are squeezed very closely.

Oh, here. I'll turn this way. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. Oh. My man. Your fingers touch. That's a fight. My man.

Your fingers touch on the down button together. Oh. Oh. Oh. Why are we so like this? Suki allows Pepsi to go in the elevator with them. She goes, go on, Pepsi. And Suki is going to turn into a bird.

Okay. So Suki turns into a bird to allow Pepsi the boa constrictor this show to fit into the elephant. Her feet are like your hands. Oh my god, that's so cool! Suki, look at us. Suki turns into a hawk, and then

she's just perched on the railing, overlooking the pit, and she just... This is so dumb. Alright, so Walk me through this. There are 19 of you. So you stayed Suki on this floor.

I'm staying on the railing looking over to watch you go down. I'm a bird. What more? What more do you want? Nope, I'm with you. I'm a girl bird. I'm on a railing. You're a girl bird. You're very strong. Thank you.

Atticus, Aldo, Aris, Ethel, and I wrote poopsie because I thought that was a good one. All stuff into this tiny elevator. Poopsie. Poopsie. Who comes out first? Ethel.

Ethel. All right. And then who would be behind Ethel? Well, maybe Aris if we're scrunched together. Yeah. Being awkward. Oh, sorry. Let me just get out of here.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Who's after Aris? Me. Aldo. Aldo. And. Who's after Eris? Me. And then Atticus and then Poopsie. Yes. Yep. All right. So here's what we're going to do. Dummies.

I'm not seeing it. I know. I don't see what's that stupid. We had to get down there somehow. You told us to take the elevator. No, it's fine. It's fine. You told us to turn into a girl bird.

You guys did very good. You guys did very, very good. You guys are very smart. I said I could send down egg, and y'all were like, no, I love creepy stuff. Let's just go. What could go wrong? Let's knock on the door. Is that what we sound like to you?

What? All this time? All this time? What a savage impression of us. All right, so this is what you see. Ethel, Eris, Aldo, Eticus, Poopsie. You are in like

a lower surgery. It is a wide space that has a floor of dingy white tiles and a broad wooden table in its center. Suki, you look down in hawk form, perched on that little railing, straight down at the table. But now that you're down there, the rest of you get a better view of what it looks like down here. There are three darkened stained glass windows that overlook the chamber. They're dark. You're underground. Why would there be stained glass windows underground?

It doesn't make any sense. However, you can still see what the designs on them are. Each window depicts an angel. There was an angel theme on the gate. Yeah. And on the door, you see it again. Each of these windows is kind of like a triptych.

If you know what that is. If you don't, Google it. That it basically, each of them has an angel sticking its hands into the body of a patient. Like a hospital patient. Are you sticking your hands into your body of a patient, like a hospital patient. Are you sticking your hands into your pants right now? Yep. That's what it looks like. I hold my pee for two and a half hours.

It's an angel just sticking it in there. Let's clip that audio. Thank you. the... Let's clip that audio. Thank you. And there's a shining light that sort of emerges from the spot where the angel is

sticking his hands into the patient and all of the patients are victims, whatever you want to call them, are like this. Is that laughing? No, they're like joy. Uncontrollable joy. Ecstasy. Thank you.

Just like as the angel is sticking its hands. In the arms of the wind. You look up and you see the large viewing hole and a hawk is perched up there. You assume it's Suki. You see that tower. What gender is that bird up there? What gender is...

I'm trying to sex that bird. There's a towering glass Cylinder standing in the Southeastern corner of the room That contains this like sticky Yellow mass of protoplasm Looks like a lava lamp It's just like

Moving around in there What do you do? I'm going to Edge out of the elevator so some other people can get into the room. And then perception check. All right. Ethel steps into the room and does a perception check. Can I do an occult check? Sure.

That'll be a 31 perception. 31 perception. 27 occult. 27 occult. 27 occult. And Al is going to peek his head out and do an alchemy lore check. 34. 34. Okay.

Where is everybody standing? Is this where you're actually standing? Yeah. Use the map. So I can't get into the room right now. You couldn't walk past me. No. Yes, I could, but I'm not going to walk past anybody.

I'll put Poopsie right there in between you guys. Little Poopsie. And then we'll take a step further. Hey, is Poopsie small? No. Medium? No. I just made poopsie small because it's fun. Oh, you did? Look at that.

There's room for you now, Atticus. Okay, man. A lot going on in here. So, we're in Boston. We can go a little long, right? A little. A little. A little.

A little. A little. Some of us have to drive home drunk. We're going long. We're going long. So gird your loins, because we're going long. We're going long. We're going long.

So gird your loins, because we're going long. We're going long. We're going long. So get your foot going long. A little long. We love you. A little long. Not unlike Ethel, a little long. It's long. What? But how what?

We're going wide. We're going wide We're going wide Good job, Lawrence We're going wide Alright, Nick We got a new assignment for you, Niccolo Text Niccolo right now We need a going wide We need a new cover variance

It means so much We need a going wide remix We're going wide Alright There Means so much. The Going Wide remix. We're going wide. All right. Gee, there's so much happening here, but I want to give my hometown a little something juicy to end the night on. All right.

Long and juicy. I'm all fired up. I could fucking play till midnight easy. But, but, people who work here don't want us to say that. I'm so sorry And I don't blame them I bartended for 15 years

Alright here's what we're going to do You guys rolled perception, occult What the fuck did you roll? Alchemy Perception Make me fucking work Alright so you come into the room And I imagine all of

your eyes are drawn towards this tank here in the south eastern corner of the room. It really does. I'm talking to these guys. Please. You didn't roll shit. But yes, it's just kind of like this bouncing yellow mass

in it. It's just boom, boom, boom. but then ethel and eris and aldo and atticus even though you're not really uh taking the room in in the same way all of them are you notice in the alcove to the east because there's like three alcoves the stained glass windows are around the northern side of the room but there's three alcoves and The stained glass windows are around the northern side of the room, but there's three alcoves. And the alcove to the east is this like, kind of looks like a figure, like not a person because it's not a human.

It's not anything like the hollow one you just fought, but it's this like person or humanoid looking figure made up of tubing wire and steel but it also has half a dozen or so fats all over its body uh that contained various fats like little jars or like no like jars basically jars that contain various oily lookinglooking liquids, all different colors, red, blue, green. And they also look like they have things floating inside each of these vats. And then you notice that the hands, because it has hands,

all end in like hypodermic needles. And the needles all have various color substances that sort of match the jars on its body, like there are tubes running up its arms that lead to one vat. Tubes leading up to another vat. It's like Edward's syringe hands.

Edward's syringe hands. So wait. How does he do that? So this is what's depicted in the window? Yeah, I agree. Bottle cap for me. What happened? Is this what's depicted in the stained glass window or what's actually in the room?

It's actually in the room. It's like a creation from this mad genius that lived here. And when you step into the room, Ethel, it like... Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no! Let's roll for initiative. No!

Roll for initiative! The only reason we're doing this is I have a better ending. Is it one where we all die? Oh, God! Oh, no! Here one where we all die? Oh, God. Oh, no. Here's what it looks like. Wow. Oh, shit.

That is so disturbing. Look at its little eyeballs. His little eyes. I made it with wood? This one is much cuter than what I described. It's kind of cute. It's kind of cute. It's kind of adorable.

I'm an artist for every fucking monster. Imagine something much darker than what I described. It's kind of cute. You can't hire an artist for every fucking monster. Imagine something much darker than this. Hi, everybody. Hi, guys. Want to play catch? My dad never played catch with me.

Aldo, what did you roll? I rolled a 22. 22. Ethel. 30. 30 for Ethel. Atticus. Natural one.

Oh. And you cheer for him. Bad time for it. 16. I take it back. It's a 32 for a... Eris. 33.

33. Larry. Larry. Suki. 25. 25. I think this crowd is from Connecticut. I don't hear a lot of Larry Bird.

Oh, Battle Cry. Battle Cry. Yeah. Here we go. I try to intimidate whatever this is. All right. Doing action. What are you saying?

Demoralize, I mean. I demoralize it by going, I'm going to break that glass head and then put your eyeballs up my butt. What did you say? What did you say? I'm demoralizing him. That's awful. And you don't want to see what's going on up there. That's probably very true.

And Ethel says, yeah, but they're going to go up my butt. I want them up my butt. That's a 30 for intimidate, for demoralize. And 34 for Ethel. Oh my God. 30 and a 34. All right. It doesn't speak your language.

That's okay, because I have an intimidating glare. I talk with my hands, you know? You got a minus four to the check. He doesn't, though. He doesn't. Ethel does it because he has intimidating glare. The creature can look into Ethel's eyes and see from Ethel's eyes how much Ethel wants to take his eyes and shove them up his ass. I also have intimidating glare.

I don't need to speak to intimidate you. This is so fucking dumb. All right, it's Frightened One. Yeah! Oh, you had a better ending? What? Francis is clapping. Yeah, yell at him. I will make you frightened too.

He's clapping. He's doing big claps too. How dare you. You're going to regret going wrong. Alright, I'm Frightened One. You look at San Chicago. How dare you? You're going to regret going wrong. I'm frightened one. You look at... See you in Chicago. Alright. With a 33,

Eris, you go first. Oh, shit. Fuck. This fucking thing made of tubes and vats is frightened. So, it's like, we're in combat, it's coming at us, it doesn't speak our language. Awesome. I

want... This is like Mars Attacks. It looks like something out of Mars Attacks. In my mind, I'm referring to this guy as Pokey. Pokey. Can I do, like like a knowledge check to be like

is there a way for us to like get it to be on our side good question good question you making fun of me no no okay roll that knowledge check knowledge

general knowledge? Yep. Occultism? What about, what do you have for knowledge? Um, I mean like arcana, occultism. I think any of those are fine. Okay, I'm going to do the one I'm best at. This is a good sign.

It's a 28. I'm rolling like shit tonight. That's not bad. No. Do you want to elaborate on that? No, you can't win it to your side. Okay. I have two more actions.

All right, two more actions. I'm going to use a focus spell to cast something on an object in the room with piercing, bludgeoning, or slashing damage. By the way, it is not demoralized because demoralized has the mental trait and this thing is mindless. Go fuck yourself.

There's a brain on the picture. There's a brain right there. That is a picture that I didn't draw. Anyway, anything... This is one of our best demoralizing material. How dare you? Anything in the room that I can use with, I guess, bludgeoning damage. Yeah, there's a bazooka to the left of that.

A bazooka. Are you sure? Yeah, throw a bazooka at it. There's a bazooka that's loaded with four rounds. No, there's not. I mean, you look in the room. You want to, like, try and throw something.

Yeah, there's shit on the back table there if you wanted to, like, mind throw some stuff and shit on the table to the northeast as well. Like something sharp. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's a knife. A knife. Awesome. It grows chicken feet. Oh, yeah. It was a knife. A knife. Awesome. It grows chicken feet. Oh, yeah! Wow! Chicken knife!

The knife grows chicken feet. Yeah. And with the second action of spirit object, it chucks itself at this thing. Did you just say shots itself? It chucks. Oh, it chucks itself. Catapult yeets itself. Yes, there you go.

At the construct. Oh, shit. I just closed my character sheet on accident. Why are you typing with a chicken feet? Oh, jeez. Oh, God. It's loading. Okay, here we go.

All right, so chicken knife. Focus spell. Spirit object. All right. So, let's see. It gains locomotion. Two actions casting the spell. Melee

melee spell attack roll against the creature. Do it! There it is. Look at that, Matt. How good does that look? Scorchus. Wait at that, Matt. How good does that look? Huh? Plus 18. Scorchers. All right. Wait, really?

26. There we go. Zoom out. 26? Sorry, I was just helping Joe do his job. 26 is a miss. Too bad it wasn't frightened. That might have been a hit.

Miss. Damn it. All right. That is your turn. Yep. It is now Ethel's turn. Oh. Okay, Ethel is gonna

step up to the creature. There you go. Kick its butt. And double slice. Double slice. Okay. Okay. That's a 27 on the Warhammer Okay And a 32 on the Hatchet

There you go That's two hits Yeah It's just too easy Two hits I think you're gonna mop the floor with this encounter Oh no I don't like I'm so scared Two hits. I think you're going to mop the floor with this encounter. Oh, no.

I don't like... I'm so scared. I don't like that. That is 19 points of damage from the Warhammer. You notice it doesn't all go through. Even the five points of cold? Nope. Okay. Okay.

And then on the hatchet will be 14 points of damage. Wow. Barely hurt him. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. That concludes Ethel's turn. Oh, dear. Ethel steps up.

Shwa, shwa. Suki's turn. Fuck. I thought it would be different down here. Suki thinks it's a hawk, but I here Suki thinks is a hawk But I fucked up by turning into a hawk She flies down And I would like to

Peck its eyes Peck its little eyes It has little eyes Does it though? Because it seemed to not have a brain Does it have little eyes? Don't trust the image Don't trust the image that Don't trust the image that

Troy specifically showed us. There I am. Can I try to... There's Hockey. Hockey's back. I will... It doesn't make sense to try to peck it. It's not going to take any damage. I'll try. All right.

Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Hey, shut. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Hey, shut the fuck up. Stop laughing at Sydney. Let her fucking play. Let her do her ridiculous turn. Who will defeat this monster? Chicken knife or hockey?

This is a serious game for serious players. There's a knife with chicken feet and I'm a girl bird. A girl bird. Um, I peck its eyes. Okay. Alright, so you go attacking its bulbous fats. Okay, natural 18. Oh!

Plus 15. That's it for 33 33's a hit Yeah Alright now let's see So I got a little something called Hand wraps that I forget the name of And I get to double my damage now

So let me do What am I pecking? Yeah my B That's 2d8 instead of 1d8 She gets a double her damage So she just crits whenever she wants to. Which is nice. None of that sounds right. It's a good item.

That is a solid five points of damage. There you go. When I say all of you notice that it does zero points of damage, I'm not exaggerating. And then... There's more. Pepsi is... Do it again. Do it again.

But wait, there's more. You know what? No, I'm going to dismiss my bird form and I land on the table with a thud. Oh, snap. All right. Here comes Sooks Magooks. So that's my reaction. Shugga gunk a thud. Yeah. Oh, snap. All right. Here comes Sooks Magooks. So that's my reaction.

Shugga gunk a Sook. Yeah. Goodbye, hockey. We hardly knew ye. Yes! Sookie, you land on the table and it shatters and you break your leg. No! Ow! All right.

Pepsi comes into the room. That's his action. He just comes behind Suki. It is Aldo's turn. As Pepsi slides up right behind Suki. Aldo is going to step through Atticus into the room, get a good look at this thing, do a knowledge check on it. Can I do alchemy lore? Yes, you can.

This is an alchemical stitch. That is a 30. Ooh. This is an alchemical golem. Again, just like shit you're not supposed to do, but man, when you get deeper into this alchemical business,

you can't help but desire. You can't help but wonder what it would be like if you created life. Perhaps this was a prototype for the hollow one upstairs. Either way, it is a marvel of modern alchemy. It is a golem, so it is immune to most magics. Golem. Golem. Shut up. It is a golem, so it is immune to most magics. Oh, shit. Golem. Shut up.

A couple things are going to happen. It has 30-year-old. Yep. All right, here's what I'm going to tell you. It has resistance to physical damage. It is immune to most magic. However, it is harmed by sonic. And it is healed by another type of damage.

And I'm not going to tell you what that damage is. What do you do? I am going, I'm going to pick one kind of bomb to throw at it. That kind of bomb is,

oh boy. All right, I'm going to try fire. Fire. My guess is electricity. Electricity heals it? Yeah, that's my guess. Alright, you know what? I'm going to try ball of lightning then. We'll just see. Lightning, hey! You're going to learn either way. Might as well learn when it has

no hit point loss yet. Yes Yes it does Well it's just very little A little bit You don't know that You don't know We can see I hit it with a hammer

I saw what hockey did Tink tink tink tink Nothing Alright you monstrosity Fuck you Shit Twenty Twenty It smashes on the wall behind him you monstrosity! Fuck you! Oh, shit. Uh, 20. 20. It smashes on the wall

behind him. But it does splash damage. It does splash damage, and it doesn't seem to affect him. So you feel pretty confident that's not gonna work. Okay. I'm done.

You're done. Shit. Atticus Grimm. Atticus Grimm is also going to recall knowledge. He's going to try to identify what kind of magic could hurt it slash what kind of magic heals it. Sonic hurts it. Sonic hurts it.

Oh, only Sonic, though. Is it only Sonic is the question, and then if there's something specific magic heals it? Sonic hurts it. Sonic hurts it. Oh, only Sonic, though. Is it only Sonic is the question, and then if there's something specific that heals it? Might learn some more stuff, though. All right, Arcana? Yeah, sure. Okay, recall knowledge. Arcana, that is a 38.

There you go. Yeah. All right. It is healed by acid damage. That's what I suspected. Harmed by Sonic. Healed by acid. Now, do you want to know... There are two other things I can give you.

But I'm only going to give you one. I'll take both. No. 38. Do you want to know... Do you want to know what debilitates it or what hurts it? We already know. Well, in addition to what you already know.

What further debilitates or further hurts it? I want to know what debilitates it. It's slowed by cold. Ooh. Oh. Sha-ga-ga-ga-goo! Like the cold damage I just did to it? Oh, yeah.

He changed cold damage just now. That's right. You did. Yes! All right. With his 38. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes! Alright, with his 38. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Alright. He is going to cast... Oh, it's great when this works out, isn't it? He's going to cast a cantrip. Little Ray of Frost. Yes! Yes! Alright.

Two hits. Oh, not bad. 33. That's a hit. Yeah, there you go. All right. I apologize for how long this is going to take. Bam, bam, bam, bam.

Oh, I need a calculator. That is 16 points of cold damage. 16 points of cold damage. Alright, here's what you notice. It doesn't take any damage, but it is now further slowed. So it was slowed by your hit, and it is now slowed

two. Alright. So it only has one action. To its turn, one could call All right, all right. Nice. So it only has one action. One action! That's great. To its turn. One could call it, perhaps,

the last action of the night. Oh, boo! No! There's a lot of significant others in the audience that want to stay later. You should keep this going. And what it does is that it reaches out its arm

and smashes the vat containing the yellow liquid. Oh, the lava lamp? It just smashes the lava lamp. And when it does, a large creature emerges. What?

A creature so large that it pushes Eris. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Into Atticus, which then pushes Atticus to the north. No, no. And there is a giant jelly just sitting there. Oh, shit. Flanking Athol!

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