The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 84 – She Don't Use Ochre Jelly

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

After a harrowing battle in the lower surgery, a passageway leads the heroes deep below the earth. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/ruSLhAGZY6Y Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at jointhenaish.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chauncey was going to take me on a trip to the place he's from. From the producer of Megan, Five Nights at Freddy's and The Black Phone. Alice! Alice! Alice! Get out! Now. Many kids have imaginary friends. Ready or not. Just because you stop believing in them doesn't mean they're gone. Here he comes.

And they're angry you left. Imaginary. Now playing only in theaters. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network. The premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Thank you. New Chicago! How we doing? Wow! How's that?

I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. New rule for all of our live shows. Start feeding the audience wine two and a half hours beforehand. This is great!

You know, it's good for your heart. Drink a little wine. That's what my dad says. Two bottles a day, the doctor says. Two bottles a day. How we doing, Chi-town? Look at us all dressed up for Halloween. Ain't we cute, huh?

Who is everybody? I don't know who you are. No, I know who you are. No idea who she is. Who are you? I don't know who you are. I'm Coach Beard. Any Ted Lasso fans in the audience?

A little slim, but yeah. A little Coach Beard action. I needed a costume that would fly easily, leave me very comfortable on stage, and be no work backstage. Yeah, this fit nicely. And Sydney and Kate, you guys have a tandem costume here. Let's talk about this.

Who are you? Uh, oh. Uh. Take that, audio listeners. We're both no-face from Spirited Away, but like a saucy version, I guess. Yeah, we're like the skimpy no-face. Sexy no-face. Sexy no-face?

We're sexy no-face. This might be the first sexy no face. Matthew, what about you? Are you a Mario brother? What are you? I did consider being a Mario brother. No, I am Goose from Saga. Ah!

We debated, Sidney and I debated adding the whiskers and the black nose to complete the anthropomorphic seal look. And then I realized I might have to role play Ethel's death tonight, which seems like a little bit in poor taste. Too silly. Too silly. Too silly.

So two sexy no-face, one Mario brother. Goose. And Skid, who are you? Well, I'm not surprised you don't recognize me. I am our friend Jason Charles Miller. Which you might be confused because normally when you see him, he's wearing that hat, that cowboy hat, emblematic of his heart, driving southern-infused metal that he plays. But if he takes it off, it's like this.

Yep. He tucks it all under that hat. Yep, and he wears one of his own shirts you just dressed as one of our friends yeah anybody else dress up out here tonight any uh halloweeners if anybody is cosplaying uh as a block of cheese stay away from joe wait wait what are you i'm uh lloyd christmas from dumb and dumber when they go to the... What is it, like a fundraiser for snow owls or something? Yes, snow owls. I always pick a

really hot outfit to wear. You have the most layers on possible. It's really too much. But I brought, like Mr. Rogers, I can switch out of this hat to this hat. Isn't that nice? I'll leave this on for a little bit, though. What city is this?

This one is Chicago Chicago Illinois Illinois Hey Joe You know they call this the second city I didn't know that I thought it was the windy city Is that what it is? We wrote this bit ahead of time I don't know that. I thought it was the Windy City. Is that what it is?

We wrote this bit ahead of time. I don't remember the bit. Line. Second city. That's kind of braggadocious and sad, isn't it? You like to rank your city, but then not choose to be the best. Well, to just admit. You're like, eh, come on.

Let's be honest with ourselves. We're not quite there. What would be like the 26th city? St. Louis. St. Louis, he says in the crowd. Wow. You mean the show that's sold out in two nights, unlike this one?

Wow. Wow. Well, they say cities are only as good as their sports teams, and so this is a couple empty seats out here. It's kind of like the Bears for the past decade, right? You guys are just trying your best to fill the crowd, but you can't. Isn't tonight the anniversary of Mookie Wilson's liner down the first baseline? Cut his mic any time you want.

Cut Luigi's mic. I do enjoy that the only reference of... You didn't understand anybody's costumes except for the ones that were before 2005. You're an Italian in overalls. You're a Mario brother. It's me, Matthew. No, I do.

I love Chicago. I think it's my third favorite city behind Boston and New York. It's great to come... We haven't been back here in two years. What is that? Two years too years. Two years too long. It's going to be back here in this classy joint. I imagine there's

a lot of first timers here tonight. Any first time glass cannon livers? Don't get used to these fancy places. We normally play places with like vomit and stale beer on the floor. We just class it up tonight, but it's not always like this.

We always have a lot of exciting stuff going on in the niche, big announcements about shows that we're doing and whatnot. But occasionally, good things happen to us as individuals. Yeah, keep fucking talking. This is about you. I'm sorry. I took. Sorry, we were very surprised by what's on stage. I poured what I

thought was water and took a huge sip and it was white wine. It was bubbly. I thought it was seltzer. It's going to be that kind of party. So I was warning Joe not to do what I did. So cheers, everybody. You know what's always a good idea? Here we go. A full pint of Prosecco

and then cans of PBR. That always goes well. Well, while you and your work wife were giggling over here. No, she's my work wife. One, I'm Kate's work wife. I'm coming for you, Joe. He's just jealous that we have fun. Polygamous work wife situation.

What I was saying is occasionally we have announcements about what happened to us as individuals outside of the network, and we have some exciting news tonight. So please join me in congratulating Sidney Emanuel on getting engaged! There's a ring on that finger! Show them! She's going to be a real wife. A real wife.

And as Kate said upon hearing the news, your VIP after-party line is going to be a lot shorter now. A lot less dudes shooting their shot. No, no, no, no. That was me imitating what I thought you would say. Yes, that's correct. Just to be clear. Congrats on the engagement. Thank you. Matthew wanted me to let you know, thought you would say. Yes, that's correct. Just to be clear. Congrats on the engagement.

Thank you. Matthew wanted me to let you know, if you get pregnant, though, we're going to replace you. And I thought that was really inappropriate. I was like, Matt... Can't say that. From Matthew. I think that's illegal.

Yes, it is. You've got to read the contract. It's pretty boilerplate. Matthew texted me that immediately. No, but good for you. When's the wedding? No plans. All vibes.

Your gift is being on this show. Wow. Thank you. I have a fun band topic now that Sydney is officially off the market. Go on. I was thinking about this today. I was like, what can we talk about? Oh, maybe we'll piggyback on no longer single Sydney.

I'm trying to think, like, what's the slickest move you ever pulled off when you were single? I'll start. There's no way any of us have slick moves. Zero percent chance. Just you wait, sister, because this one's going to blow your pants off. I was about to meet a young lady once for an OKCupid date.

I had a black belt in OKCupid. And we had been chatting for a bit, and I just had it down to a science at this point. I had this bar that was my go-to bar. We were going to meet up at a bar in the East Village. And she's like way late, late to the point where I think I'm either getting stood up or getting catfished. It was like kind of crazy. It didn't make any sense.

We were chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, and then just no show. So I'm like, well, I'm going to get a drink at the bar. I sit down at the bar, and as I'm sitting there, there's another couple next to me. Have I told you this story? I remember this story. So there's another, not couple, but there's another man and a woman on an online date. And so I'm just boozing and listening to them.

And the dude is a total herb. He's just like very, very awkward, and I can tell she's not into it. What was that word? Herb. A herb. What does that mean? He's using it correctly. He's using that word? Herb. A herb. What does that mean? He's using it correctly.

He's using it correctly. Herb. He's a herb, dude. He's a kind of nerd. He's like a total Matthew. That's mean. Does that make sense? I was just asking for a little help.

Anyway, I can tell the date's not going well, and he's so awkward, and he keeps saying, like, can I walk you to the subway after this? How about a how about hey so do you want me to walk you to the subway and so at one point the bill comes and he actually says uh do you want me to pay for this or should we like maybe split it and she's like uh i i don't i don't mind we'll split he goes all right well why don't we split it and then depending on how the walk goes Then maybe I'll pay next time I was just like, what is happening over here

What is he expecting on this walk So at one point he goes to the bathroom And I'm like She's chatting me up during this whole thing Which is weird because it's like I'm sitting here She's sitting here and he's sitting there, and she's kind of like talking to me during the date. So at one point, he gets up to go to the bathroom,

and I'm like, I think I was just stood up for an online date, and yours sounds awful. So how about you skip that walk to the subway, and let's go get a drink. And she was like, game on. Wow.

It was nice moves. It was amazing. I cannot tell the rest of the story, but I will tell you that if you put a thousand people in a room with a thousand typewriters, you would never know how this story ends. But it was amazing.

What was your slick move? Hang on. I just need to reflect on for a moment. All right, Herb. The story of your slickest move involves you insulting somebody and stealing their dick. And it started off as you being stood up. That's true.

I was like, oh, he's going to earn our sympathy now. I think I was catfished. But I thought I was pretty slick. Dude, it was really slick. Don't let that get you down. Yeah. She was like, you know what? I'm going to just walk myself to the subway. He was like, all Dude, it was really slick. Don't let that get you down. She was like, you know what?

I'm going to just walk myself to the subway. He was like, all right, I'll call you. And then we just went to another bar. It was awesome. A thousand typewriters. A thousand typewriters. A thousand typewriters. I don't even think I'd tell you guys backstage at the end of this story.

Joe, you were a real slick, single guy back in the day. Do you have any fun stories about you slinging penis all over New York? single guy back in the day. Do you have any fun stories about you slinging penis all over New York? Dude, almost every single story I have is just embarrassment and loss

and no game. I have a lovely wife, so it all worked out. Well, I will say, alright, I'll give you a story. So, I'm at my lowest, which is basically every date that I go on

and I'm online dating and I suck at it and everything's a first date and it's awful and it just sucks. And I'm friends with Troy at this time in front of the show, Dave Woody, who will both, as he said, have this down to a science. So the two of them were out. I remember we're eating wings and we're watching football and they're like, you need to change your entire approach.

And it's like straight out of a fucking rom-com. Like they're like, you need to do these things in this order and do not let your mind get in the way at all. Like, don't think about anything. Just, like, do what we say. Like, okay. I'll try it, like, once, just to see. And it worked. It was unbelievable.

I went on this date. I had never, just never had a date go well, ever. And I go out on this date. I follow the list. There was, like, times. There was like times. It was like 90 minutes in, you do this, whatever. You know, 120 minutes in, you do this. And you say this.

I mean, it was word for word. And it totally worked. I remember an ex-girlfriend at the time, who I'm friends with, was like, I was like, look at this list. She looked at like the to-do list. And she was like, fuck. list. She looked at like the to-do list and she was like, fuck. She was like, this is so messed up and absolutely works. And yeah, it totally worked. And I started like dating really well. And then immediately, uh, I, I, you know, fell in love with the wife and she fell in love with me. And I still to this day think it had something to do

with me getting a little bit of fake game. I think it needed to get over that hurdle. A little fake game. Matthew, you're so quick to throw stones at the glass house of my past. Were you ever a slick goomba? Little shirt open with the chains walking around NYU.

Hey, who likes meatballs? I got two. I have... Was that your move on dates? Hey, what a little extra salsa. My mama's gravy's here. What?

That's not attractive. I have no game whatsoever. I think you should have tried that see if we were friends I would have given you that I'm kind of glad that didn't happen I remember hearing items from this list and being horrified it's not great I mean

the way the pickup I guess that my wife and I got together on, I don't know what I'm saying. We had a lengthy discussion about the naming of Santa's reindeer. Ah. Oh. Wow. That's hot. I'm turned on.

Actually, I am turned on. Oh. Wait, was this around the time you started dating or like when you very, very first met? Because weren't you like friends for a while and stuff? She directed me in a show.

Yeah. And then at the cast party we were waiting for my NYU-sponsored get-home-safe van. Oh, right. Hot. And she was hanging out

and we just started talking about the reindeer and we started talking about how the names got changed and were you like Cupid is the name of a reindeer and I feel like he hit me with an arrow

tonight oh Kate got game Kate got game. Kate got game. No, I didn't think to make that connection. I be Cupid, you be Vixen. Let's see what happens later. Didn't happen that way. And then I went home and the van came.

And then I got home and I finished our conversation on AOL Instant Messenger. Were you like, hey, it was nice chatting with you in the get-home-safe van. You want to meet up and be unsafe? What about you, Sid, huh? Any last stories before you throw it all away? The old ball and chain to be. No, I don't really have good game.

I'm not a big... I think I'm very friendly, which is why I have dated the people that I've dated, but I'm not good at flirting, per se. In fact, I think I'm very bad at it. But one funny thing happened with my current fiance.

It's such a stupid word. Oh, this fancy French lady over there. Oh, you speak French? Why don't you speak English once in a while, huh? When my boyfriend and I were dating, we went to pick up food from this restaurant. And the hostess there, it was a weird energy. We like got in, we're like, Hey, we're picking up this food. And she was very nice. And she was like, Oh great. Are you guys like siblings or like date dating? I kid you not. The woe was a woe. I was like, what is happening? Are we, is she trying to, what is going on?

And immediately I went, we're dating. And he went, we're brother and sister. And it didn't stop her. There was like, it was, she was unfazed, but it was very funny. And we had to like take the food and like slowly back away. She was super, super coming on. And every day we're like, should we go back to that restaurant just to, just to see if

she's still there? I wonder, but it was very funny. So I don't have game, but something about our energy attracted that. Kate, were you a, a, a wild single? Um, yeah. That's a big single? Yeah. That's a big eyebrow raise. Wow. I mean, it was a long time ago,

and I don't remember any of those stories, so you don't get them, but I will tell you the one of how I met Michael, which is funny. You get to see my flirting game with that. We met the old-fashioned way at a party. An arranged marriage. For a Greek computer programs.

Our parents had a lengthy negotiation. Our parents traded properties. Here is the cow for the dowry. We exchanged baklava. But um. We met at a party and I had just been freshly broken up with against my will from my boyfriend at the time. Who was cheating on me? Oh, no! So I was ready

to... No! Who would cheat on you? I also like saying against my will. I didn't know he was cheating on me until a little while later. But anyway, so I was ready to, like, you know, have fun. So I saw Michael and I was like,

bullseye. You shot him? so my flirting was he was actually so angry about the cheating thing he was actually trying to flirt with my friend that night but i was like no so i followed him around the party and every time he stopped talking to me and started talking to her i like would hit him in the forehead. And eventually he was like, what? What? Oh, oh, she's cute. Oh, okay. I'm going to talk to her. And then it worked. And then we made out and then he came down, uh, upstate for my birthday after he moved to the city. And that's when I knew that he liked me. Cause I was like, he just moved to the city and I made out with him once. And he's at my birthday party right now. My 21st birthday.

Wow. That's how I flirt. That's how it is. By shooting people and then hitting them in the face? By just being like, no, make out with me. And they're like, all right. It's like elementary school love. And finally, Skid, any wild stories from your wild days?

Well, unlike the rest of you, my girlfriend watches and listens to this show, so I don't have any stories that fit the criteria. But I could tell the story of when Nick Lowe hit on Keri Russell. That is a great story. So Nick Lowe, this is like the first month that we knew each other. Was hanging out in Central Park with another couple friends of his. And he sees Keri Russell sitting under a tree with another friend. One of her friends, I guess.

And he was just like, you know what? I'm going to shoot my shot. Fucking Nick Lowe. Typical. So he walks over there and he's just like, hey, ladies, hi. Oh, hey. Hey, what a lovely day,

isn't it? She's just like, yeah, it's all right. And so it's like, you know, I hope this isn't too forward, but would you like to maybe get a cup of coffee sometime or something?

And she said, so it's like, well, it's very flattering, but you know. And he said, I totally get it. And he said, I totally get it. And he walked away. And he mimed an airplane

crashing as he was walking away from her. And his friend said that she was laughing really hard with him. I mean, I bet it perturbed him barely at all. No, it didn't affect him at least. He didn't even put a hitch in his face.

He's going to hear this and be like, oh, yeah, completely forgot. As I've said before, it must be a great time to live in Nick's brain. It is. Always. Always. Well, I suppose we should live in the brains of these characters. These doomed characters. These doomed characters.

You guys want us to play pretend? I said, do you want us to play pretend? That's pretty good. Alright. We'll play your game. I'm going to do the quickest recap in the history of recaps. I'm going to time you.

Joe won't even have hit the music by the time I'm done. We've been playing this adventure now for many years. And we'll continue to play it for many years to come on the road in various cities every single month. No one has ever done this, nor will ever do it again, including ourselves. See you in St. Louis. Yeah. The entire story revolves around a man named Count Hazerton Liles IV.

Remember that name? Over the past few years, our heroes have discovered that this man is trying to bring a god from another realm into the world to then destroy the world and make him king of what's left. Laos has been infected by this outer god and will stop at nothing to find the knowledge to make this happen. In the pursuit of this knowledge, he brought two of you into his employ, used you up, and then brought you into the dreamlands

to have your memories erased, threw you into an asylum, and went on with his life, went on with his studies. Months ago, you woke up in the asylum and over time have discovered what Lowell's is up to and recently got your memories back as well. You have been tracking Lowell's in his journey far south from where our adventure began. And last month in Boston, you found yourself outside of the home of one of Lowell's associates,

an alchemist by the name of Myaknian Mun. This is someone who we know, via flashback, was very interested in getting to know Skid's character, Aldo, when Aldo was saved by Count Lyle's after being enslaved by Knowles. This is how Aldo

came to work with Lyle's in the first place. So our heroes go up to the door of Mun's house and knock on it. An angel knocker spews acid in their face. But then a man answered the door. Aldo's memories are still a little fuzzy at this point, but he is certain,

this is my acne in Mun. The man is very polite, but something seems off. He apologizes. He's like, I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm busy building something for the Talden Navy. Perhaps you could return tomorrow. You know that something isn't right here, so you barge in. This man then goes berserk.

When you defeat him, he unravels like a mummy to reveal that he's completely hollow inside. It is an alchemical construct known as a hollow one, made presumably by Mun in his own image. So, you begin to search and ransack the home. You find a study with some maps of the inner sea region on the wall, one map noticeably missing. Then you enter a chamber full of books on taboo alchemy

with a staircase going upstairs and a hole in the center of the floor overlooking a lower surgery below. So you take an elevator down to the lower surgery. There are three stained glass windows in this lower chamber, which is odd because they wouldn't catch any sunlight underground. lower chamber, which is odd because they wouldn't catch any sunlight underground. On each window is a different depiction of an angel sticking its hands into the body of a hospital patient, a shining light erupting from its wounds as the patient's face is frozen in ecstasy. As you look about this strange laboratory, a creature pops out of an alcove, a mass of fats with syringes and needles for fingers, and it attacks you. One round into the battle, you've learned that you are fighting an alchemical golem. This is a construct that is immune to most magic, but you know, after some successful

knowledge checks, that it is harmed by sonic, healed by acid, slowed by cold, and resistant to physical damage. The creature was hit by cold and slowed, but it was still able to reach out and smash a tank to the south of the room. And as the tank shatters, a huge jelly emerges, pushing the rest of you deeper into the room. We've now learned since the Boston show that slowed does not stack. Unless the ability says so, it doesn't stack.

So the cold damage that Ethel and Atticus did doesn't make the golem slowed two, it is slowed one, so it still has one action. Agree to disagree Sounds like a hands off the chess piece situation Troy I

Sounds like it I own the chess board It's my game How very capitalist of you Let's go to the map Joe are we on the map? Yep This is my game. How very capitalist of you. Let's go to the map. Joe, are we on the map? Yep.

Can we turn up the heat? Yeah. Is there any way these lights could shoot laser beams of heat into us as well? Is there a roaring fire behind us? You can take off your jacket. No, I'm naked underneath. The shirt, there's no sleeves. It would be amazing if your tux was just like a sleeveless t-shirt.

Like a chippendale dancer underneath. Alright, so it is Goalie McGolem here. Look at him, huh? He looks way cuter than he actually is. It's the eyes. Yeah, it's the eyes. Do not get sympathy.

He's very, very mean. Yeah. Are they real eyes or are they just googly eyes? Oh, they're stuck on the tank. Yeah, they're glued on. I put the eyes on the alchemical golem.

A silly intern in the lab was like, this is fun. You know what this golem needs? And then, yeah. And then they got fired promptly. Probably. All right, it's the golem's turn. Still the golem's turn, yeah. Yep. And then they got fired promptly. Probably, yeah. All right, it's the golem's turn.

Still the golem's turn, I should say. And Suki, what's going on there? Are you standing on a table or just being silly? I'm standing on a table because I flew down. I was a bird. That's right, you were a hockey. Yeah, I had a whole plan. Every time.

Best laid plans. The curse of a druid. All right, obviously this is a larger creature here, but we got Suki and Ethel up in its face. And Pepsi. Whatever. He's going to attack Suki. I know.

And he is going to stab you with one of his syringe fingers. Okay. That's okay with you? Sure. And syringe fingers. Okay. That's okay with you? Sure. And I'm in human form. That happened last show, too. I was a hawk. I changed out. I'm in my human form. I know. I changed you on the map. I know. I'm just making sure. Don't raise your voice.

Testy tonight. Your fiancé is gonna kick your ass now. Hey, don't make me get my fiance up here. I'm here to defend her honor.

We're opening the show strong here with a natural one. Oh, shit! Is it named? Now, it's not named, but it's

a natural one. Let's find a good Chicago fumble. Yeah! Shitty monster! There's got to be somebody here. Is Ian here from Chicago?

Yeah, Ian just dropped a glass. Ian just went, Yeah, I'm here! Who's asking? Who's asking? Told my wife I was taking a walk! I'll kill you! Calm down, Ian.

All right, this one is called Foreigner Affairs. Foreigner Affairs. Foreigner Affairs. You get lost in the driving beat of combat and the rhythmic clash of blade on blade. Recalls a distractingly catchy song that gets stuck in your fake alchemical head. You become flat-footed.

Check it and see. For 1d3 rounds. Even if you've acted, you can't use your decks because you're flat... You can't use your decks because you're flat-footed. This fumble has no impact on your dexterity or ability to use it. It was purely to complete the parody of a parody.

Thank you, Ian. Thank you, Ian. So you're flat-footed for 1D3 rest. And he just hears, I've been waiting for a girl like you. I think it's a different Foreigner song. I want to know what love is. Either one, he would bop to either of those songs. All right, so he's flat-footed.

I don't give a shit because it's my jelly's turn. And I don't think you're ready for this, Jelly. I knew you were going to say that. Didn't have that planned until just now. Kate loved it. I loved it. That's why she sits next to me, because she laughs at my jokes. All right.

This jelly is ready to fuck shit up. He's coming after Ethel. I'm changing dice, because this one only rolls natural ones in Chicago. I mean, that's its record so far. Big, like, pseudopod comes out of the jelly. It's coming at you there, Taki McGee. We're discussing if I'm flat-footed or not. Shaboom! You are. You're flanked.

No, but your golem's flat-footed now, right? Yes, but if he's flat-footed, it doesn't matter. He's still flanked. Motherfucker. Yes! Yes! I've got an at one. That's going to be a... I hope this matter. You're still flanked. Mother fucker. Yes! Yes! You've gotten that one. That's going to be, I hope this hits.

Please just say it hits. 23. I mean, I could say that hits, but it would be a lot. Yeah! 23. Damn it! Troy, you're still going to murder us all. Yeah. Take heart.

You were literally talking about a TPK backstage And you were like, good luck out there That was really bad Alright, second attack, on you again Because I don't like you Now we're fucking talking And that might be a crit This is going to be

A total of 33 Hit, not a crit Alright A couple things are going to happen here Of 33. Hit, not a crit. All right. A couple things are going to happen here. This is going to be horrible. This is going to be horrible.

I hate oozes. You take 22 points of bludgeoning damage. Straight to the dome. You take three points of acid damage. Straight to the dome. You take three points of acid damage. And then with its final action, because it has successful hit, it grabs you. Automatic. No, I have to use an action to grab. But because I hit with

this, I'm allowed to do that. That's an automatic hit. Automatic grab. Automatic grab. You don't have to roll for it. Don't raise your voice. Round two! Eris. Fuck. Um. Oh.

You're grabbed. My original plan was to have Egg deliver you some eyes so that you weren't flanked anymore. I don't know if that's still useful, though. Sorry, I'm trying to... McD is kindly delivering me ice cold beverages because I'm about to explode in heat. So, yeah, I'm still flanked. I mean, but I'm flat-footed from the grab,

so I don't know that it makes much of a difference. Yeah, now you're flat-footed from that, but I don't know. I feel like it's still useful, and... Hold on. Let me see. Talk it through. Let me see.

Forget the fact that we're live. So, casting the countless eyes. Just, they're not even here. Hey! You just do you. Yeah, I am. Thanks. I'll vamp.

How about those black eyes? Let me just get comfy and settle into my turn here. Take your time. Take your time. Let me just scroll down my spell list. So Countless Eyes is two actions, and then I would use one action to command Egg to bring it to you. And then that's it.

You're also super bunched up, though, by that. No, but there's nowhere for me to move except for back up the stairs. Elevator. Elevator, yep. You could leave your friends behind. I mean, I doubt this jelly has an attack of opportunity. Oh, that, too.

I always forget about that. I'm going to do my original plan, because I always regret not giving you eyes, and I'm going to use two actions to cast Countless Eyes to Egg. I'm going to pull him out of my little pocket. Be like, please, please, please, help Ethel. Please help Ethel. Oh, please help Ethel.

Help Ethel. That's what I was going to say. Help Ethel. Have you used any actions in this turn yet? No. Well, I'm about to. I'm using two right now. Okay.

Let her cook! I put him down on the ground. Hey, we're playing pretend. I'm telling a story. All right, please. I can picture it. I put Egg down, and since Egg is independent, gets two actions. Uses one to walk up to Ethel and one to touch you, give you all the eyes that you need.

Ah! So hopefully you can get out of this and then you won't be flat-footed anymore. I didn't want to see this much. Ugh! All right, countless eyes? Countless eyes. Okay. Delivered by Egg.

Are you actually moving? You haven't moved yet. No, I used all my actions to cast it through egg, because I can't reach him from where I am. I see. Don't forget, you also have chicken knife. Oh, yeah. Chicken knife.

Chicken knife is flanking. Forgot about chicken knife. Oh, how could I forget about chicken knife? You know what? Let's start over. Oh, boy. How was the Chicago show? My turn stands.

Kate took 20 minutes to take her first turn. Chicken knife, I'm sorry. You look ridiculous in those hats. How dare you? In those hats. I look like a senator. You look like that children's book. I laughed at your joke.

Sorry. You look like that man from Hats for Sale. You know that kid's book, Hats for Sale? The man wears so many hats, he's ridiculous. What an idiot. We like to have fun here. What do you got, Kate? Is it your turn?

That's it. All right, Kate, everybody. Big round of applause for Kate. All right there, Mario. Are you talking to me? Yes. Okay. Until I know more about what this jelly is,

I'm going to focus my attacks on the golem. Okay. All right, so double slice on the golem. You're grabbed. Yes, I know. I haven't checked off my sheet. I'm not going to double slice because I want to do some Warhammer damage.

Oh. Okay, so first attack with the Warhammer. That is going to be a 39. Oh! Whoa! Let's go. That is a critical hit. Yeah!

Critical press. Amazing. Critical. Critical. Critical press. Gross. All right, so that is a, yeah, that's a critical hit. Holy shit.

This isn't the one that does automatical kills, right? Automatical? Is that a word? Automatical. Automatical. It is not the Vorpal Blade we encountered. Ah, okay. All right, so let's hear another.

Which I never rolled a crit on. Chicago area crit there, Joe. It wasn't a natural 20, was it? It was not a natural 20. Oh, it was not. All right, so let's hear another Chicago area crit there, Joe. It wasn't a natural 20, was it? It was not a natural 20. Oh, it was not. All right, so double damage. Okay. I got to do some math, man, for me.

Yeah, da-da-da. Yeah, man, man, man. Da-da-da-da-da-da. All right, you know it's resistant to physical, but I think you've also learned that bludgeoning sneaks past the goalie. Okay, that is 29 points of bludgeoning damage. Ooh, nice. Three points of cold damage.

Ooh, yes. And... That's just going to extend the slowed. You are knocked down. Nice! What? I'm knocked down? This is something we forgot last episode,

but yes, the Warhammer knocks you down. Let's go, Matthew. I'm immune to prone. I'm immune to prone. Okay, and then you know, I really want to keep going on this

guy. Yeah, alright. Second attack. Yes! Yes! Okay, that's going to be a 34 to hit. That's a hit. Dude, huge round from Ethel. What kind of weapon is this?

Bludgeoning. It's the Warhammer again. Crap. Okay, so that'll be 22 points of bludgeoning and 2 points of cold. Gross. Amazing. Nice. You know what? Alright, and then Ethel is going to move.

No, I can't. I'm grabbed. I'm going to try to escape. Okay, you can try. Athletics? Escape. Look at the escape action. You can use unarmed attack, you can use athletics Athletics? Escape. Look at the escape action. You can use unarmed attack, you can use athletics or acrobatics, but you are going to take the third penalty. He takes the map even if it's not athletics?

Yes, he has the attack trait. Then I will instead just try to hit you again. Okay. Almost certainly a miss, 22. That is a miss. Even though it's prone? Yes. Okay, just checking. That's my turn. That is a miss. Even though it's prone? Yes. Okay, just checking. That's my turn.

That's your turn. Very good turn. Good turn. Yeah. Good turn. Hey, good turn. I've seen better. Me too, Troy. Me too. It's Suki's turn. Suki, wow us. Alright, so Suki is going to move away from the golem because very scary. Suki is going to move away from the golem,

because very scary, and she is going to cast haste on Aldo. One thing I forgot. In all my haste, you crit it, right? Yes. Amazing. Whenever it's hit by a crit, one of the chambers on its body explodes,

spewing out alchemical liquid in a five-foot radius. Oh, no. Oh, my God. And it's random to see which of these horrible things comes out of its body. So let's determine that. Oh, my God. What a cool ability.

I was having so much fun. Yeah, I was having a good time. Until right now. And you ruined it. This was having so much fun. Yeah, I was having a good time. Until right now. And you ruined it. This is so, so bad. Somebody just said, yep, they know. All right, I want to roll this. I want to roll 10d6.

I refuse to vamp for you right now. This is bullshit. How many containers are on its body? Don't worry about it. So, is it just you and Suki that's within five feet at this point? Oh, Suki moved away. But you were there. I was there when he, yes.

I moved myself back. I'm where I was. All right, both of you roll a reflex save. Chicken knife as well. Yeah, chicken knife is going to take some damage. What's chicken knife? Reflex bonus. It's really big is going to take some damage. Not chicken knife. What's chicken knife's reflex bonus? It's really big, obviously, so.

31 reflexes. 31? 22. You take 44 points of fire damage. Oh, no. Fuck me. And Ethel takes a gentleman's 22. Okay.

Boom, fire explodes out of one of its Johns. Ow! Ow, my body! My entire body! I'm so hurt! I'm on fire! And then, Suki, I'm sorry, you may finish your turn. Okay. Now I move away, especially because that happened.

I'm going to still cast Haste on Aldo. Okay. So that's's Third level spell Cool Cool, very cool Is that your turn? That's it, yeah Oh, and then Pepsi is going to

Do you have any actions left? Well, Pepsi can move on his own Because he has mature animal companion I don't have to command him. So Pepsi is going to move onto the table where I was. Same spot. Okay. Actually, can you move Pepsi?

I don't have control of Pepsi on the map. Can you move Pepsi next to Chicken Knife to the right so that it's flanking the Gollum? Next to Chicken Knife? To the right, so it's flanking the Goll? Next to chicken knife? To the right. So it's flanking the golem with Ethel. Well, no. Just so... What the hell do you want me to do?

It's flanking? I'm pinging the spot. There we go. Thank you. You think that's flanking? With Ethel? Do you know what flanking is? Yes, it is flanking with Ethel.

Oh, with Ethel. I'm sorry. I thought it was flanking with chicken knife. I'm like, what the hell is she talking about? They're just next to each other, Sydney. All right. I'm sorry. I thought it was flanking with Chicken Knife. I'm like, what the hell is she talking about? They're just next to each other, Sydney. All right, I'm sorry. Pepsi can only move or strike, so that's it.

Okay. But Aldo, you have haste, so please save us. Well, Aldo, it's your turn. What do you got, buddy? Okay, so Aldo is... Where the hell are you? Are you on the map? I'm on the map. I'm just behind Atticus.

Atticus is between Aldo and the Ooze. All right. So the golem is weak to... is affected by Sonic, right? Yes. Harmed by Sonic. Yes. So I'm just going to start tossing Alchemist Fires.

Yeah. Okay. So first one. Oh, man. That is a 35 first one. Oh, man. That is a 35 to hit. Oh, baby. 35 is a hit, and this is fire damage, yes? Yes, fire damage.

All right, so that's 13 points of fire damage. Okay. And two points of sonic damage from my thundering rune on my bandolier. All right, so that will actually do 5d8 points of sonic damage. Oh, shit. Okay. And two points of sonic damage from my thundering rune on my bandolier. Alright, so that will actually do 5d8 points of sonic damage. Oh, shit! Whoa! Hell yeah! That is the answer! So I'll let you roll that.

Any sonic damage it takes, it takes 5d8. Okay. Whoa! That's bomb number one. Boom! I'm so excited. I'm having fun again. That is so good. 17 points of Sonic. Okay, bomb number two.

All right, bomb number two. Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. Oh, yeah, that is a 33 to hit. 33 is a hit. Larry! Dude, we are lighting it up early. 18 points of fire. It's so dead.

18 points of fire, okay. And 5d8 Sonic. Wait for it. Wait for it. 27 points. Baby! Okay. Alright. I'm going to do it again.

Might as well. Yeah, if it's working, why stop? That is not as good. That is 20. 20 is a miss. Okay. But you did about 100 points of damage. Wait, splash damage.

Splash damage, yeah. Yeah, they get five point, well, I don't think I would get Sonic splash damage, but I would get the five points of fire splash damage. Five points of fire splash. Okay, that will hurt him. All right, so he is messed up. Yeah.

You were hasted. Do you have one more action? Yeah, you do. That is a seven to hit. Seven. That is a seven to hit. Seven. That is a fumble, so that won't even do splash. Okay.

Okay. All right, good round for Aldo. Haste was very smart there. I really do love the claps after every turn. It just feels like Wheel of Fortune or something. It's like tennis. Don't get too excited. It's Joe's turn.

Atticus, you're up. Not very thrilling, no. Okay, Atticus is going to... Oh, this sucks. Atticus is going to... He's going to... You know, first I'm going to do a recall knowledge on this ooze. I want to know what the deal with the ooze.

What are its weaknesses? What can we do to defend ourselves? I'm not sure what to roll here on the ooze. Is it Arcana? Is it occultism? Amazing film. What would it be, Troy? Knowledge jelly?

Jelly lore? Yeah, no, whatever you want to roll. Fuck, I only have jam lore. Whatever I want to roll, right. I'll roll arcana. I'll roll arcana. That's really funny, isn't it? They're different.

Most people don't know, but jelly and jam are very different, so it's important. I'll roll arcana. Okay. Okay. 35. 35. This is a vicious ogre jelly.

Ogre jelly? Ochre. Ochre. Ochre. Ochre. Um, all right, what do you want to know?

Anything in particular? Anything you want? I want to know what it's resistant to and what it's weak to. Okay, I'll give it to them. Uh, they're immune to acid,

electricity, fuck. Okay, I'll give it to them. They're immune to acid, electricity. Fuck. Sorry, I cursed. Sometimes I forget I'm not at home. And you're sitting next to a bethrowed woman now. You can't just curse in front of a person. A proper lady. What's funny is I also said fuck, just not into my mic. I went, fuck.

That person is affianced. Affianced. Affianced. Wait, go on. I went, well. That person is affianced. Affianced. Affianced. Wait, go on. Say more, Troy. Man,

I don't want to give you this, but I will because you used it in action. It's the best part of it. Do I tell them? Yes. 35. Yeah.

It's really going to ruin the show if I tell you this. No, it won't. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! I can't see you, but I'll find you.

You shut your mouth and you're talking to Steve. I heard a lot of don't do it. I'm going to tell you all of its immunities. That's my compromise. Thank you, madam. Oh, come on! Immune to acid, critical hits, electricity, mental,

piercing, precision, slashing, unconscious, and visual. Because it ain't got no eyes. It's jelly. What? And that is all the relevant information about this creature. Could you say it again? You need to know right now.

Shit. Shit! Immune to slashing, you said. Immune to slashing. You did not say bludgeoning. You could give it the old college try. You didn't say bludgeoning, though, right? You didn't say bludgeoning. You said slashing, right?

I don't remember what I said. And piercing. Can you repeat it? Atticus would quickly share this with everyone around him. I forgot it immediately. And immune to precision damage. Immune to precision damage. Yep.

For you, Rude. You didn't say anything about cold, right? I didn't. Or fire? No. Okay. And immune to precision damage. Immune to precision damage. Yep, for you rogues in the party. You didn't say anything about cold, right? I didn't. Or fire? No, I'm fine. Okay. Cold or fire.

Atticus, you know what? Screw it. He's just going to go total ape shit on this thing, and he's just going to open up his hands, pinning this giant ooze up against a wall, and he's just going to cone of cold the shit out of it. Yeah. Yeah. giant ooze up against a wall and he's just going to cone of cold the shit out of it.

So it is a reflex save. Alright, reflex save for my jelly. How fast does your jelly bounce? Please. 28. 28 is a fail. Holy shit. That's all the die I'm rolling.

Every time I bounce, I roll a die. 44 points of cold damage. Oh, shit. Oh! That is a lot. That's a lot of jelly. Alright, 44 points of cold damage. Was that three actions? Oh, you used an action. That was two actions

and that's his turn. And then two actioned the jaw. That is Atticus' turn. Did that seem to hurt him? Oh, yeah. And, okay. It is the alchemical golem's turn. He is slowed. He is prone. He will stand up. Provoking.

Yeah! Yeah. From the Warhammer. Natural four. Son! Yeah. From the Warhammer. Natural four. Son of a B. 27 to hit. Oh! Oh! Hits exactly. Yeah! I think this might finish him, dude!

Troy knows it. You can see the pain in his eyes. Okay, 13 points of bludgeoning and 6 points of cold damage. He's dead. Yeah! Woo! On a natty 4, dude!

Holy. If this matters, he'd be flat-footed until the start of his next turn. Or sorry, my next turn. Watch yourself. Poor guy. He just exploded a bunch of fire on us all. It wasn't his fault.

It's true, I did hit him. It is the jelly's turn. Just want to check quickly if grab lasts to the end of his turn. I believe it does. Yep. Like I said, yep, that's fine with me. So while you're grabbed, I suppose I should constrict you. Oh, no.

Constrict you. Let me get my D8s out. Oh, that's Constrict you. Let me get my D8s out. Oh, that's a nice one. That one's good, too. You're going to take 11 points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. And then you're going to take six points of acid damage. You're fine.

Okay. Okay. And then I'm just going to... I'm going to release you, Free John. Don't like this. Don't like this at all. I don't like this. And I'm going to attack you. Oh!

And your crappy little ace. Oh! Look at that. That is going to be a 34 to hit. That is going to not be a crit, thank God. Woo! 21 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh, shit, I'm going to get grabbed, ain't I?

Seven points of acid damage. 28 points total. Final action, grab you. Yeah. And starts to squeeze. Squeeze. Just feel cold jelly all over your body. Like your wedding night.

Is it nice? I know, you told me that in confidence. But I wanted you to get a real visual. There are some things that are said in private. I'm sorry. The world must know. It is round three, and it is Eris's turn. Everyone, take a breather.

Can I please? So mean. You're the best. He's so rude Kate everybody ladies and gentlemen Kate Stamis you heard how I flirt

how do you think I fight wow that was good that was good you've also been married longer than anyone at this table I'm the most married

up here on stage it's not a contest I feel like that means a lot. I like won at life or something. How many people here are married? What? How many people aren't married tonight if you know what I mean?

Jesus. I saw so many uncomfortable laughs right in the first couple rows. I saw a lot of wives. So many couples just looking at each other like, don't you fucking dare. It's just the Shiraz talking. Kate, what do you got?

All right, all right, all right. I want to use one action to maybe try to know something about this ooze. I want to know how its saves are, and possibly if it has an attack of opportunity, depending on how good I roll. Okay, well, you do know that Atticus casts a spell. It if it has an attack of opportunity, depending on how good I roll. Okay, well, you do know that Atticus casts a spell. It does not have an attack of opportunity. It doesn't.

You think it probably doesn't. I want to try to figure out what its strongest and weakest saves are. Okay. Okay. That's fair. Give it a roll. Arcana?

Whatever you want. A cult? Whatever you want. A cult? Yeah, sure. I want a cult. I hate it when he does that. Oh, that's big math. Hold on.

That sounds like double-deggies math. 39. 39. I told you. I think with that, you get the exact saved numbers. I think with that, you get the thing that Troy didn't want to tell us. 39.

It has very good fortitude. Really bad reflexes. It's a slow jelly. It's a slow jelly? Okay. And that's all you know. Crap. Reflex.

Well. What about its will? Midland? Midland will Midland will Its will is mid It's immune to mental It's immune to mental And visual

Crap All my stuff is the stuff that it is Immune to Why don't you just get chicken knife after it Chicken knife? It's immune to slashing I think I think that's Why don't you just get chicken knife after it? Chicken knife? It's immune to slashing. I think that's... Oh, no, but isn't it immune to piercing? It's resistant.

I thought it was immune. Resistant, huh? Am I right? Weren't you taking notes? No, we talk too fast. Check your emails. I can't type that fast. There must be some notes in that open Gmail.

I changed it from a draft email to a Google Doc, and that's... Yep. I know. After much... She got engaged. Stop. I'm a professional. She moved to a Google Doc.

She's grown up. After much resistance. They all made fun of me in the green room. They made me change it, and they held me down at gunpoint. And now you can control F and search through your notes. I'm scared. Sign here. Thank you for vamping.

I found something that might work. Okay. I'm going to cast a spell that I don't think I cast yet called Ill Omen. Ooh. Two actions. Gormley had this spell. Halloween. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I love Gormley. She's dead. So you need to roll. I know. Spoilers. Sydney. What the? she's dead so you need to roll I know spoilers Sydney what's wrong with you she Matthew has feelings

how many years old it's so sorry it's like when you spoil a TV show that came out 10 years ago I'm like

I'm not that sorry watch it just watch it eventually no it's okay it's a beloved character of mine yikes this is the best shit you're concerned roll a little save Sorry. Watch it. Just watch it eventually. No, it's okay. It's a beloved character of mine. Yikes. This is the best shit you're concerned.

Roll a little save, ooze. All right. I'll allow it. Ooze. All right. Pretty good roll. Pretty good roll. It's going to be a 25.

Ooh, fail. Okay. So because of that, the first time during the duration that the target attempts an attack roll or skill check, you must roll twice and take the worst result. Yeah. Nice. Duration for one round. A little misfortune situation.

Nice. Hell yeah. So the first time that I do that. Okay. Fair enough. Are you done? Yeah. I could, like, maybe describe it in, like, a fun way.

Okay. So she thinks real hard. She looks at it and glares, and she's like, I know all about you, ooze. I'm going to attack your will. She reaches out her chicken fingers, and she goes, And the ooze is like, what? It's mindless.

But it can still talk. You can still talk if you have no mind. But it was freaky. You definitely freaked it out. Troy does it every day. Yeah. I will not take that guff from a plumber. You're as cold as ice.

Anyway, that's what happens. All right, you go. Do you have an action left? Do you want to get Chicken Knife involved? Nope, nope. Oh, for the last action that is available to Egg, Egg comes back to me. Egg is independent and can move on his own

if I don't command him. All right, Egg. All right, Ethel, you're up. One of your, you're no longer flanked here. And you're no longer grabbed. It's also true. You've made a terrible mistake. Ethel will destroy you.

I'm going to beat on you now with this hammer. Everyone keeps talking to it. It does have a brain. Terrible roll. 30 to hit. Hit. Actually, crit, but there are no crits. So just regular damage. Terrible roll 30 to hit Hit Actually Crit but there are no crits So just regular damage

Okay that's gonna be 21 points of bludgeoning And 2 points of cold Oh nice 21 bludgeoning 2 points of cold You wanna get that scimitar That vorpal scimitar

That was a dream. It was a dream. I only dreamed I had that weapon. 26 to hit, second attack. That's a hit. Okay. 15 points of bludgeoning and five points of cold. Nice.

Okay. And I am going to step away from it. Step away from the jelly. I'm coming back. I've got to be strategic. Sorry. You move away. Don't get squeezed. It hurts.

It burns a little bit. It hurts very bad. It burns a little bit. It burns very badly. Spooky, you are up. Okay. I am going to cast Searing Light. Yeah, okay. At the ooze. So let's...

Is it immune to light? It's fire damage. Fire damage, eh? Let's see. Great. 21. That's a hit. Oh, it is a hit because of the secret on like a 30.

Oh, I thought I rolled so bad. Very low AC here. Okay, that's fine. It still takes full damage on this Spellzoni. It is a jelly without a mind. Nice. All right, let's see. Five.

Don't laugh. Don't laugh at that. Can you do the math if I say it out loud? Don't say it out loud Just make up a number Yeah Just make up a reasonable Sounding number

Like I do Bump it up five And say that number Twenty six I rolled three sixes That rocks That's not the total I just

There was three Shut up I did the math correctly It's twenty six fire damage Okay I'm sure it was It It was. I counted on my fingers. That's how I know I do it right. And now I'm going to command Pepsi. So Pepsi gets, oh no. You know what? I'm not. I'm just going to move a little closer. I'm going to move south a

little bit towards the wall. Still keeping my distance. And Pepsi's going to move too. Pepsi's going to move toward me. Okay. A little moving. That's it. That's my turn. Aldo. Aldo, it can take fire damage, right? It seems to have been hurt.

Yes, by that searing light. Okay. I'm going to move a little bit to give myself a little bit more of an open shot after behind Atticus. And I'm going to throw a... Voterate Alchemist's Fire. Alchemist's Fire! Kill it!

That's a 20. 20's a hit. Yes! Wow. Troy, you seem a little sad about this. I'm a little sad. I gave you too much information. It's funny that you're sad in your dress like that.

21 points of fire damage and two points of Sonic. 21 fire to Sonic. and two points of sonic. 21 fire to sonic. He is so bummed. I'll throw another one. Why not? It's so easy to hit. Oh, that's a 31.

Wow. Yep, that's a hit. Okay. Another 21 points of fire. Okay. And three points of fire. Okay. And three points of sun each. Cool. Now I'm going to switch to lesser ones because I won't hit with them.

18, actually, 18. That's a hit. Wow. Really low AC. Wow. 13 points of fire. Okay. And three points of sun each.

So neat. You could throw another one. No, I can't because I moved. Oh, because you moved. All right. Hell of a turn, Skid. Hell of a turn. Don't let Troy get you down. Atticus, it's your turn. Yeah, oh.

You're grabbed. I forgot I still had to go. I was like, I'm grabbed. I'm out of it, right? Oh, no. Oh, no. You know what, Atticus? I'm just going to do what comes to mind here. As he's thrashing with this thing around him,

he just really wants to get out of there, even though this is stupid. But he's going to do it. He's desperate to get out of there. So though this is stupid, but he's going to do it. He's desperate to get out of there. So he's going to try to reach for a wand that is at his belt. So he has to roll a flat check to see if he can do it, and he gets it. Natural 11. Pulls out this

wand. Then he's going to cast Freedom of Movement on himself. Also has to roll a flat check to see if he can do it. And he succeeds with a natural 16. Okay. And so he casts Freedom of Movement on himself. Sadly, that just means that his turn is over.

But, you know, if it comes all the way back around to him, he gets out for free. But I don't think it's going to come to that. But just what he did is his reactions to this situation. I got you. He's going to desperately try to get out of there. I got you. All right, so he has you grabbed right now.

I'm going to constrict again, but I should have given both you and Matthew a fortitude save to lessen the constrict damage. So, Matthew, roll it right now. 33. Okay, so give yourself like 10 hit points back, and then you're going to fail, right? Absolutely.

26. Yeah, you failed, so you're fine. Now roll it again for this constrict, and fail it again. Atticus hasn't been constricted yet. This is my first constrict. Okay, great. This is my first time. I'll be gentle.

17 points of bludgeoning. Oh, no. Athel, why did you leave me? 17 bludgeoning and 6 acid. I'm five feet away from you. Releases you and goes to strike... Oh, wait. Now I'm going to go strike Eris, and this is going to be

the ill omen situation. Wait, did you release me, you said? I did, yes. You released. So the first time it rolls a tag, it must roll twice and take the worst. So there's a natty 17. There's a natty 14.

So I'll take the 14 and reveal what its hit is here. 35. Whoa, that is not a crit, but that was close. All right. You're going to take 14 points of bludgeoning damage and 7 points of acid. Final action, grab you. All right, round five. We're in good shape.

You're in good shape. We got this. Finish it off. What do you guys do? Eris. You let her go! I wanted to telekinetic projectile a bludgeoning object Add it

Okay Just roll a flat check DC 5 6 Woo And then it's a spell attack roll Natural 20 Yeah

Critical threat Critical threat Critical threat Natural 20! Yeah! Critical press, critical press, critical press. Chris, don't count, I don't care. Critical press! Wasted! It is wasted. All right, so you're doing telekinetic projectile. Critical success, ideal double damage. Yeah, but it doesn't...

So that's 10d6 instead of 5. It doesn't, it's immune to crits. 5d6. 5d6. 5d6. 5D6. And what kind of object did you throw at it? Like a knife? No, a bludgeoning object.

The entire table. Like, the middle of the room. The whole table. An electric eel. I don't know. Yeah, the whole table. She throws Pepsi at it. That's fine.

All right, so you just throw a fucking table at it. Great. How much damage? So, 5D6. I rolled a 13, but then I also get... Oh, my God. Windows. Yeah, just 5d6.

So plus 5. Okay. So 18. 18 points of damage. Do you have any actions left? I want to move away from it, but it grabbed me. It did. So I want to try to escape.

Okay. And that's an athletics role you were saying? Athletics or acrobatics or unarmed. Can I do acrobatics? Yeah, whatever your best one is. And it's going to be a minus five. A minus five? I believe.

I'm glad I wasted my natural 20. What do I know? Ooh. 27 minus five. 22. 22. What is it? My Athletics DC? Athletics DC, I believe.

Yeah. What are you trying to do? Escape? I'm trying to escape your grasp, because I don't want to be constricted and choked. I only want consent with that, and a safe word. That's a fail. It has very, very high athletics. Ugh. Alright. Trying to get out of there.

Is this ooze sexy? I feel like it depends on your tits. I'm asking for a friend. Trying to get ideas for next year's costume? Yeah. Sexy ooze. Sexy ooze. Sexy ooze.

Sexy ooze. All right. You're done? Yeah, those are all my actions. Ethel, it's your turn. Your lover is held in the grasp of an ooze. And someone else is choking her. And the ooze is sexy.

My God, there are children in the audience. And you're a married woman. Why? You're the most married of all of us. You're the most married. The most married. As we've established. Therefore, I'm learning from you.

And someone else is choking her. What is in your wine? I'm the one who likes to get choked. Oh, wow. Wow. I smell sex and... It's a weird crowd. These brief insights into your relationship.

Very disturbing. 26 to hit. Yeah, it's a hit. Yay! 22 points of bludgeoning and four points of cold. All right, whatever. You're going to kill this thing.

Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. Ezra's just like, start playing the music. So, what I fucked up on is, I shouldn't have told you so much, if you hit it with a slashing or a piercing or electricity, it splits into two.

We know. That would have been amazing, but instead, you gave these poor people of Chicago a sad little fight where you just beat up on these monsters. We gave them? Yeah, you did it. I wouldn't be surprised if they asked for their money back. We just kicked

ass. They sometimes root for us, Troy. We played pretend so hard. I would love, I would love I would love if somebody in this crowd went to someone in management and City Winery and was like, I would like my money back because I didn't see a PC

death. And then just the look on the management's face. What are you talking about? I demand my money back because they succeeded too well at their knowledge check and got too much information about the monster and didn't realize that slashing damage would split it apart. I'm sorry, Chicago.

We won't be back. And it's their fault. And those ten tickets you didn't sell out. Dude, it is literally no one in this room's fault. Yeah, they can't. Why are you blaming them for the people who didn't come?

It's an insane thing to blame them for. You're all in this together. You've justified Troy's psyche. It's an insane thing to blame someone for. Well, you don't have to worry because you'll never see me again. Don't worry. He doesn't mean it.

Sorry I yelled. Also, you know you're lying because we had the most amazing Pequots last night. We did. Yeah. Pequots last night. We did. Yeah. Pequots! Is it true that people from Chicago don't care about deep dish, or is that like a fake thing that they say so that when people come, you don't care?

You love it. Okay, so some people love it. I have friends in Chicago, and they were like, it's just a thing that we don't give a shit about but tourists like it. So I see there's a divide though. We enjoyed ourselves at Pequod's a lot. Quick cue. Too much

last night. Is it your hipster friends that hate everything? I'll never tell. My friends are at this show I love my friends Oh yeah You guys pushed me to the bottle

He took our bottle of wine Be careful it might be wine It might be water though too No it's wine That is a big glass of wine Can I have a pint of wine please He's upset I love that jelly

That wine looks probably exactly like a pint of wine, please? He's upset. I love that jelly. That wine looks probably exactly like what's left on the floor after this jelly is destroyed. I love that jelly. Was there anything cool in the jelly? Yeah, did it drop

like ancient magic weapons that were held within? Yes, there's a scroll that advances you directly to book six. Wow. How? Because you don't want to play anymore? weapons that were held within. Yes, there's a scroll that advances you directly to book six. How? Because you don't want to play anymore? You're out of combat in this strange room.

It's like an observation deck up there. You get the sense that obviously this was some infirmary before, but you're also sort of getting the feel that it was a prison infirmary. And so you wonder, were they experimenting on prisoners here, and the other doctors were like, oh, let's try

this, let's try that. They were experimenting with prisoners while people watched in a gallery above. Very disturbing. Very disturbing. And you're just stared at by these angels on the walls and these darkened stained glass windows.

What do you do? Well done, Ethel. Well done indeed. Thanks. I'm very hurt. Is everyone all right? No. No!

There was like sludge that was around her neck choking her like, let's go. And she's like, whew! She like starts fanning herself. She's like, thank you, Ethel. Is your extra mouth okay? Wow. First on the priority list. The extra

mouth. That is a weird first question to ask in public. Well, he knows that when it's choking around the neck, sometimes it'll bite down a little. This is... Oh, man. Jesus.

This is not the type of show that I want to run. I don't... I feel like Kate and I are in a game of chicken. Yeah. Yes. Chicken poon. Yeah, chicken poons. Chicken poons. You're in a horrible game of chicken. Yeah. Yes. Chicken poon. Yeah, chicken poons. Chicken poons.

You're in a horrible game of chicken poon. You're going to lose. I feel like after Aeris cools herself down, she wants to walk up to these gross celestial-looking stained glass windows and scowl at them and try to understand them. Okay. Which one? There's three of them.

I guess I walk up to the one next to Suki and I was like, am I right, Suki? Suki? Huh, girl? What? Girl to girl? Sorry, I was just thinking about when I was a bird before. Oh, you so love being a bird. Yeah.

I miss it. Did you want to fly away? Do you know where your home is? Are you soulies? I'm like a bird. What? You know what? Never mind.

And she turns. Oh, the window. Yeah. Does this look like anything to you? Does it look like anything to Eris? Should she roll something? I look at the window and I ponder on it deeply. You stare at the window, and there is a little latch, like it can be opened.

Oh! Wait, what? Hey, there's a latch! Look at this! Wait, wait, wait. What? Just wait. What? Just what? Hmm?

I thought that's what you were saying, to open. Well, just look at it. Oh. I'm like a bird. I want to fly away. I should open the window. If I open it, I could go. Do we see anything else

noticeable about this I feel like we're not on the same page what the fuck is happening right now you know what's a bad combo we rushed into this just like pint of wine pint of wine

and then just let the two of them talk to each other we'll never finish anything alright I tell everyone break it up I tell everyone S Break it up! I tell everyone... Suki turns around.

I don't believe... I think these are false windows. I think you might be able to open them and they lead to another room. I mean, it doesn't make any sense that there's stained glass in a basement. Is there light coming through them? No light coming through it at all.

Just a small latch, and like I said, they all have different depictions of angels sticking their hands into a patient. Light shooting out of the wounds of the patient. Do we know what religion this is or something? Or what following?

Is it cultism? It's Christianity. Yup. Oh, I know this one. I know it. I've seen this. You feel guilty just looking at it. Reminds you, with every look,

what a piece of shit you are. Could I roll, like, occultism on it? Yeah, sure. Or religion. Occultism! Yeah, I. Or religion. Occultism. Yeah, I'll roll religion. I would roll religion if you want to learn about the religious aspects of it. I'm going to do occultism.

That's a 30. Occultism is 33. 34. Okay, nobody likes to brag. You've seen this angel motif ever since you arrived at Mun's house. And there doesn't seem to be any sort of denomination or anything that is connected to this. It just seems to be celestial in nature and scary. When you say angel, though, is it like biblically accurate angels?

Like they're fucked up looking? Those are really scary. Google those. Scary? No, it's more of like what we imagine. Ladder angels. Cherubic little babies. Not babies. 19th century.

There's some specific angels. It's not cupids. Yeah, they're not like little cupids. That's the reindeer that got Matthew married. Like Michelangelo babies? Adult angels. One of them. One of them.

One of them. Ethel rolled a religion check as well. He rolled very poorly. And as it turns out, he has some very poor associations with angels. Oh. His ex-wife decorated the house with little angels everywhere.

So out of nowhere, Ethel's like, and he runs for it with the war hammer and just smashes one of the windows. I'm trying to prevent you from opening it, and he just comes up behind us. Yeah, I'm reaching. Hulk smashes it.

Do you smash the one that they're looking at here to the west? Yes. In the arms of... All right, so Ethel just... And just like in Shawshank Redemption, you see a tunnel. Oh, wow. The glass shatters, and there's like a little fixture on the ground that looks like you could put something in it. And then beyond that is a tunnel.

And then beyond that is a tunnel. There's like heavy paving stones and what look like iron spikes that have been thrust into the seams of the wall to make like a ladder going down. And it just kind of curves and goes down this tunnel. Can we do a perception check around the room to see if we see anything that would fit into the thing you talked about? Yeah. The opening. Perception. And also, Suki just wants to check those other windows. Do they also have latches? Yeah, all three of them have latches. She would like to

open them as well. Which one? The one to the north. Okay. So, Suki, you go to the north and open that one. And all of a sudden, you guys hear this, like, scream. It's just like, like a vomitous scream as a mass of black tentacles. Suki!

What are you doing? I don't know! Oh! What the fuck? A mass of black tentacles traps everyone but you. Oh, no, what the fuck? A mass of black tentacles traps everyone but you. Oh, no. What the fuck? What did you do?

I got out of the window. Suki, I tried to tell you. I'm sorry. Suki just boop. They, like, scream as they come out. They all have little mouths at the end of them. Oh, no. And, yeah, let's get as they come out. They all have little mouths at the end of them. Oh, no. And, yeah, let's get down to business here.

Come on, come on. We didn't heal. You didn't heal anybody. I know. This is real, real bad. Why do you do this? Why does everybody have to fucking explore everything without healing first? Suki opens the other door, because the first door was fine.

You were in the middle of perception checks on the open door. They must all be fine. All right, so Suki, you will watch. I want you to watch. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Suki likes to watch. Jesus Christ.

That's incredible. All right, this is going to be against your Fortitude DCs. I'm going to roll them all separately. So first to Atticus, that is going to be a 22. Bad roll. Against your 42 DC. That's a fail. Okay, just a straight up fail? Straight up fail. Alright, so you're going to take just a little bit of damage.

And then Eris. Oh, another shit roll. 24 against your 42 DC. That's like a critical fail. Critical fail. Okay, great. So you won't take any damage. Wait. Plus 10. That's a regular fail. Girl math. Okay, great. So you won't take any damage. Right? Wait. Plus 10. That's a regular fail. Okay.

Girl math. 20. I'm rolling terrible. 20 is a critical fail. Critical fail. Okay. And then poor Aldo, I rolled the best one on you. That's a 32.

That is a, that's a regular fail. Oh, it's a regular fail. No, for me, I failed this. Well, it's bad. Failure's bad. So it's a regular fail? No, for me. I failed this. Well, it's bad. Failure's bad. So it's a regular success for you. All right, so you take, Atticus, you take 12 points of bludgeoning damage, and you're grabbed by one of these tentacles.

The rest of you aren't grabbed. You take no damage, but however, any creature you succeed against is grabbed. Wait, why is no one already grabbed? You failed against me. I failed against you, yeah. Any creature you succeed against is grabbed by a tentacle. Wait, it succeeded against me. Not Joe.

You failed against me. Yeah, it failed against you. No, I know. So you guys don't take any damage. Just Aldo. But Aldo is grabbed by this thing. Nice. Sorry, you said I was grabbed and took 12 points of damage. So I'm not grabbed. Can I say Atticus? I meant Aldo, but Aldo is grabbed by this thing. Nice. Sorry, you said I was grabbed and took 12 points of damage,

so I'm not grabbed. Did I say Atticus? I meant Aldo. So I take no damage and I'm not grabbed? Yeah, no damage and you're not grabbed. I didn't know if it was half damage. Only Aldo is grabbed. Sorry. This kid messed me up when he said, you failed. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

You failed. You failed. A failure is like negative things, so I thought, this is very bad. One of us failed. That doesn't help. All right, so you are grabbed by this thing. I don't want to go into initiative here. I just want to see what you want to do and what your friends can do.

So let's just go around here. Suki, you're watching all this. With great interest. Yeah, I do nothing. I just want to see what plays out. You know what, though? You know what? You could, in this position,

think it's unrelated. It doesn't have to be that you open that latch. I don't think Suki should feel the same guilt for being stupid that you feel. She doesn't. She feels no guilt. She just goes, that could have happened to anyone.

Could have happened to anyone. It's unfortunate that it happened to you, but it could have happened to me. Okay, so we're not an initiative, but I think she would try to help. Okay. And I think she would immediately, like, just innately cast a flaming sphere directly in the center of it for a five-foot little radius, I guess. Anywhere that is safe from anyone else in a five-foot square. Okay. Do you want me to roll the damage? Yeah, just roll the damage.

Well, do I... You have to do a... Basic reflex? Yeah, basic reflex. Thank you. Okay. Just roll the damage. It's not fighting back. It's just staying there. You're just seeing what you're doing. Oh, well now I feel bad. Is it not fighting back? It's weird. Seems mean.

Maybe it's like an illusion or something. I don't know. Trap? A hazard? Twelve points of fire damage. Alright, so you see one of the tentacles evaporates and immediately starts to grow back very slowly. What is going on? Now, the thing is, Atticus and Eris and Ethel, you can all, you're not grabbed, you have a chance to get away,

so I assume you do. However, Aldo, you are still grabbed by this thing. You can try to escape, or you can try and attack the tentacle that is grabbing you. What would you like to do? I'm going to try to attack the tentacle. Okay. Yeah. Just dropping

a bomb right at your feet. I'm going to drop a bomb. 36. Boom! Yeah. How much damage? That's 13 points of damage. 13 points of damage 13 points of damage You destroy the tentacle that's grabbing you As it starts to grow back, you can get away

However, this mass of tentacles Just stays there Writhing You guys wait and watch it And after a minute, it disappears It disappears, like vanishes Or sucks back down into the floor? Goes back down into the floor. So it wasn't an illusion?

No, it was very real. I just rolled horribly! Well, that wasn't so bad. Here, let's open the other one. No, no, no! No! Please, before we do anything else, please.

You hear a click. Suki's all ready. No, I'm kidding. Please. They come back. Can we heal, please? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I really thought that we were out of the woods. I thought that was really going to be it. I will heal anyone who wants to be healed. I want to be healed. I, too, would like healing. Who needs to be saved? I want to be healed. I too would like healing. Who needs to be saved? Raise your hands. Let the record reflect we've all raised our hands. Four tentacles come out.

Oh, oh. Four tentacles come out. Come to me, and she lays a hand on your head. The power of Christ's compels you. Come to me. The power of Christ's compels you. You know, this might be an interesting time to channel like a level four level five channel

we're all hurt you get a lot of dice I don't know ladies and gentlemen Joe O'Brien playing someone else's character well that's why it's so funny. Like he's actually dressed as a coach right now, so this is perfect.

It's just like it is on TV. It's almost as if he looked at my laptop screen, though, because I do have open my fifth level heel that I can channel for a 30-foot emanation. So what are you happy about? Happy? I'm not happy. I'm miserable. No, you said earlier

when we were in the green room, you were like, I've got a level four here and a level five here. We were just talking it out. So you remembered that. Yeah. I will cast...

I honestly don't know. I don't know if channeling is the best. I think it is, maybe, but we're not in a rush. Maybe we just treat wounds for hours down here. Well, I also have continual recovery,

so I can just... Yeah, we could just treat wounds and stay down here for a couple hours and save the spell. What were you going to say, Sid? I was going to say,

just imagine that you could do whatever you wanted with your character. Exactly like you just did. Exactly like you just did. Try to imagine that scenario. Just try. Try to picture it. I know it's difficult to imagine. I had a just did. Try to imagine that scenario. Just try to picture it.

I know it's difficult to imagine. I had a great imagine. Also, Joe is terrifying because he's just looking at us, and I can feel the daggers behind your pit vipers. He's hiding them. You look like you're ready to go to the World Series of Poker. He does. He does.

All in. All in. How hurt is everyone? Do we need to stay here for a few hours while I heal everyone? I don't know how to describe this, but I feel like I'm 59 hit points down. I feel like a 21.

21. 21, okay. If I had to put a number on it. Perhaps 41 for me. It's quite a 21. 21. 21, okay. If I had to put a number on it. Perhaps 41 for me. It's quite a lot, actually. Aldo, are you also hurt? No, just a little bit. I could probably take care of myself, though.

Why don't we do continual recovery? Why don't I just treat wounds, and I'll send it to you off-air of how much, and then Off air? Just tell us tomorrow? Can I try to roll? Just text us at the cab back later.

We've got another door. You'll have to vamp while I roll. Sydney has gotten into this system that we've used on Legacy which is fantastic. It is. We saved the show by not doing all this healing on air, and we just G-chat each other, basically.

It's great. While we continue the story, with the amount of damage we need healed, and Nick's just healing it in the background. It's wonderful. It doesn't really work on stage as much. I've been texting with Skid this whole time.

I haven't been checking them, but... That explains it. Let's continue on, because I do have to do a DC check for each treat wounds I do, and then depending on you, get a certain amount of hit die. So let me do all that, and you guys talk about other things. Talk to me about this

DC check. What are you doing? Are you doing 20 or 30? You take a train to Washington DC. I'll do. Are you a master of healing? No, I'll do,

I'll do 20. Okay. Cause I don't want to screw it up. Uh, okay. So I'm going to switch die. Just for fun. Nailed it. That's a crit, so you'll get 4d8.

Plus 20? What? We just really play the game. You get more. We're just playing Pathfinder. Jeez. When I do a dc20, yeah, 10. This is the most thrilling radio we've ever heard.

dc20 is 10, so just remember this. Let's hear some more single stories while they do math. Kate, you're going to get 48. That's way rolling radio. DC 20 is 10. So just remember, 48 plus 10. Kate, you're going to get 48. That's way too much. Plus 10. 4D8. 4D8, sorry. Should we just roll that ourselves? Yeah, roll yourselves.

Yeah, that's a good idea. That saves me math. Ooh, Matthew, I didn't do good on yours. So that's a fail. Oh, no. Is that a fumble? Wait, what? Oh, no. Yeah, that's a fail. Oh no. Is that a fumble? That was a nat 2. What's my bonus? What's my medicine?

Oh no, it's okay. My medicine is a 20, so that's not. It's fine. I am a master. It's fine. So that's... Shit. Come on. 2d8. You just get 2d8.

2d8. I just rolled 7, 7, 6, 5 on my treat wounds. Nice. Bad ass. That got an applause break? Skid, you also only get 2d8. I healed myself already. Oh, okay.

Well, ignore that. All right. I could use a little more. You're fine. What do you guys want to do? Yes, I could use it. I can. 10 minutes. Yeah, ignore that. Alright. I could use a little more. You're fine. What do you guys want to do? I can... Ten minutes. Yeah, it's fine. Let's... Oh, they wanted to

and Atticus as well, wants to look at the details of this slot that something goes into to see if we can figure out what could possibly go wrong. Alright, so roll some perception. Okay. I don't see anything at all.

I'm still thinking about my experience with the jelly. Only a 24 for Atticus. 33 perception for Athol. I think I got it. You guys are just looking around the room. 38. Okay.

Okay. You find a couple of used sun rods. And you're like, oh, these Johnskies would fit perfectly into these slots. And so that's probably what they did. They put sun rods back there. But, of course, one of these has been shattered, so it will never shine again. Oh.

But, yeah, so you could slot a little sun rod in there, turn it on, close it, and then... Oh. So it's just for aesthetic purposes. Yes. Throw those away. Should we head down the one that Ethel smashed? Well, we didn't

inspect the last one. Ethel will smash that one as well. Ah! No, nothing happens. It's empty. There's just a little slot for a sunrod. No tunnel, no trap. Empty.

Where the tentacle monster came from, is there anything behind that, or it was just like a... A tentacle monster. Oh, no. It was just something triggered by opening up that thing that sent this mass of black tentacles into the room. So, yeah, it was just something triggered by opening up that thing that sent this massive black tentacles into the room.

So, yeah, right now you've got the elevator, which you came down on, and you've got this tunnel. Dude, it's all tunnel. It's all tunnel. You've got a tunnel. All tunnel, all the time. So is it, like, five feet wide, high enough for anybody to walk through? Yeah, single file. And it's not walk.

You'd have to climb down because it curves down. There's spikes in the wall. You have to hold the spikes and just go down into who knows where. Oh, God. You guys should decide the party order while I leave the stage. I will go first. Are you sure? I'm a combat climber.

Oh, okay. Someone time him. Why did he do it like that? For the listening audience, Joe very inconspicuously tried to sneak off stage. Sprinted off stage. It's really funny in the coach costume, too. Yeah. I don't know what material this is.

This rubbery rain slicker material Is not very breathable I'm discovering Can't wait for the VIP meet and greet I never want to wear this suit again Do you want to go first actually Ethel? You're welcome to I just thought maybe

No I shouldn't Okay you said you're not going to fly in a way, and I don't want to rain on your parade. I'm like a bird on a fly. What? Yeah, okay, Ethel will go first. Ethel will go first, followed by Suki. I'll go next.

Jesus. Suki, get it together, girl. You two should be closer together. I'll go after. What's that supposed to mean? Why do we need to be next to each other? What are you...

Is there something you want to say? Are you just trying to... Just in case a tentacle monster or something comes out, you should be closer together. You take good care of each other is what I mean. I... What are you... Sorry, sorry. What are you

trying to say? Uh... I'll go first. Alright, so. Ethel, followed by Eris, followed by Suki, followed, Ethel, followed by Eris, followed by Suki, followed by Atticus,

followed by Aldo, begin climbing down into this dark tunnel. Solo. You start... You start descending down the shaft, and around 60 feet down or so,

as you guys are just going hand over hand down these spikes that form a makeshift ladder, the tunnel starts to turn and angle towards what you think would be the northeast. And as it starts to turn, it also starts to constrict to about three feet wide. The minimum width required by the fire code. Yep.

It's up to code. It's up to code. This is a New York City apartment bedroom. Atticus, you're not actually small, right? You're medium? No, he's small. You're small. All right, so you...

Oh, this is lovely. You're able to fit very easily. However, the rest of you are like squeezing through this. And as you're squeezing through this very tight tunnel, you feel the walls are like sticky and wet. There's like green algae coating the walls and you feel water dripping down and you actually can smell in the air up ahead

like dampness and rotting vegetation as you climb and Ethel, you're really starting to like fucking squeeze through and you're the first one to see light up ahead. This is a situation here. I'm going to move you to a new map.

Nice ooh. The crowd is a little too silent right now I feel like they know something we don't Yeah I don't like that I'm not feeling good They are hanging I'm just afraid

On my every word Me too Alright this Oh man you guys You guys are fucking in it Let me do a reveal here of this situation. Oh my gosh.

See that big old room up ahead there? Oh. Let me... Whoa. Whoa. No. Oh no. Down the walls

of this rotten, stinking, enormous chamber trickle rivulets of dark, murky waters. Perhaps the dark, murky waters of the Blackwood Swamp far above. A great hole opens up in the center of the room, and even from a distance as you enter onto this little catwalk that stands above it, you can tell that the hole is quite deep the sound of flowing water fills the chamber there's a little catwalk sort of running along the southern portion of this chamber and there are two creatures on the catwalk that see you immediately. Oh, come on. And they yell out to their buddies,

who are swinging from chains, hanging over the middle of the room. Oh, my God. Oh, see, I thought we were going to have to rescue them. Roll for initiative. Roll for initiative. Let me do a little close-up on these people here. There's the ones on the...

Oh, they look sane. They are small creatures. They're about Atticus's height. Nasty, nasty looking. And then the ones that are swinging from the chains look like... Aww. Hello!

Aww. Hello! I like him. I do like them, yeah. We should help them. Yeah, they seem cool. They seem normal. Let's get into it. Suki, what'd you roll?

I was so busy looking at that art. Come back. Okay, Atticus? 20. 20, garbage player. Eris? 23. 23 for Eris. Eth. Eris? 23. 23 for Eris.

Ethel? Also a 23. Aww. It must have been love. Aldo, what'd you roll? We're both ready at the same time. 34. Damn.

Four. I'm fetching. Suki. 21. 21 for Suki Magooks. Not great. All right. Round one.

I don't want to play anymore. Are you still sad about the jelly? Are you scared we're going to destroy your enemies? I'm going to miss you guys at the end of this combat. Shut up. Go. All right. So there's two of these guys on the catwalk, that. Let's go. All right. So there's two of these guys on the catwalk,

two swinging from chains. There's a bunch of chains that hang over that hole. So the one way, way on the Eastern end of the catwalk. My God, there's so much fun shit to do. I don't know where to start. He's just going to... He's gonna go ahead and move

30 feet towards you. I'm so frightened. And he's going... Basically, he takes this, like, javelin and just throws it at Ethel, but like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. It has a chain attached to his wrist. And he's like, get over here.

He throws this. Get over here. And this is going to be right at you, Ethel. Let's see. Pretty good roll. 32. That hits. Let's go. Pretty good roll. 32. That hits. Let's go.

All right. So you're going to take a little bit of damage here. You're going to take 11 points. And it's actually like a blunt end to it. So it's a bludgeoning damage. 11 points of bludgeoning damage. It's like a hook shot from Zelda.

And with its final action, it pulls it back right into its hand. And now it is Aldo's turn. Aldo, so we can't really see where we're actually standing right now, but... Can you not reveal where we are? I'll open it up, yeah.

Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, that's us. Sitting ducks all right so i'm gonna be uh bold here and i'm gonna strive forward his thin frame moving along the hallway uh through his compatriots get up to the front of the line and i am going to toss a very special bomb. I'm going to throw one of my lightning bombs. Okay. Throw one of those. Oh, wait.

Yeah. Lightning bomb? At the one up front? Yeah. Okay. 21 to hit. That is a miss. All right. 21 to hit. That is a miss.

All right. So five points of splash damage to the first one. Five splashy. And I'm going to throw a second one. Okay. Yeah, that's another miss. Five more splash damage. Okay.

It wasn't a fumble, right? Yeah. Yeah, it probably was. What was the total? Very low. Okay. Very low. Very low.

It will not take any splash damage. Aldo boldly steps up and past and now leaves himself open as a target for the other one of these creatures who raises his hand up and shoots a hand crossbow directly at Aldo, natural 20. Oh, for God's sakes, LaVallee. Skid's not here, so it doesn't count. Yeah. You have to roll again. Oh, he left. He left.

He's going to be so mad when he gets back. Are you sure you want to tell him? I'm not telling him. You know what? He hit Eris instead. No. It won't make you as angry. All right.

So this is real, real bad. He's going to take... Not a named John. No, not a named John. He didn't get to say his name, so it doesn't matter. I'll tell you guys what he's going to take. He's going to take 28 points of piercing damage. And then I'm going to ask him to roll a fortitude save.

And then he's going to fail that save and walk off stage for good. It's real, real bad. Shit. He has multiple attacks here. But I'm going to shoot you with the hand crossbow. I'm scared. We'll deal with that damage when he comes back. Now I'm thinking,

I think with his second action, he is actually going to, what are you going to? I'm just dancing. It's freaking me out. I like getting in your head. It's distracting him. Stop it, man.

He's going to jump down into the water. Perfect. Our plan worked. He's killing himself. He's going to jump down into the water. He's small, but you see the water goes up a little bit past his knee, and he wades back a little bit. And that's the end of his turn.

We'll deal with the skin damage when he returns. In the meantime, it is Eris's turn. Okay. I think it might be time for a wall of flesh. Because

why not honestly now that I see that second one jump up into the water and that it's shallow and it can walk on it I thought it was deeper for some reason and I guess what do you all think should I leave the one on the

catwalk out of the wall so we can focus on that and maybe block the others? I also... Sure. I also sure. I have a spell I wanted to do that can hit multiple targets in a line, but I can save that because you can dispel the wall, right? No.

You'll have to go around the wall. But maybe the wall will make them kind of line up to go around it? Let's resolve what happens to Aldo just to see if this changes your choice of what you want to do. Aldo, while you were busy, you took 28

points of piercing damage. And I need you to roll a fortitude save. Do you want to just go back to the bathroom? Yeah. I'm just gonna spend the night in the bathroom. Leave the wine. That's a 20.

So 28 points of piercing damage. Then you're going to take, oh no, five points of poison damage and you're a clumsy one. You've been infected by a poison. That sounds bad. Yeah. You are poisoned. Shit.

Now, what would you like to do, Eris? Meat wall. Meat wall. I'm going to cast a wall of flesh, which is 20 feet tall and 30 feet long in a line and three feet thick. All right. I'm sorry.

And I want it to go from the edge of the catwalk over one left. Nope. Up one. Nope. Up one. Over one. Stop. Nope. To the right one. To the left. Where do you want it?

Do you want it to block you guys? No, no, no. Up two. Stop diagonal moving it. You mean to the right? Come on now, y'all. Up to. Like up here? Stop diagonal moving it. Slide to the left. In the square. You want it in floating in midair?

In the water. Oh, you want, okay. Because I want to be able to still walk on the catwalk. I want to funnel these guys if they want to come to us. The catwalk's like 15 feet up over the water. Actually, I think it's 20 feet up over the water. He jumped 20 feet down and didn't take any damage? It's 20 feet down? And wasn't prone? Yeah.

Really? A tiny creature jumped 20 feet down and was fine? Yeah. You can do it too. But I'm just saying, putting that meat wall in the water doesn't really help you at all. How tall is it? It's 20 feet tall. Pissed. Okay. It doesn't help us. It's not going to help you.

Can she affix the meat walls to the catwalk? Where is the meat wall? Does it go on the line between squares Or does it inhabit a full square? It's three feet thick She said it very salaciously You don't remember? Where does it say it goes?

Some of the wall spells say exactly 20 foot tall wall of living flesh In a straight line up to 30 feet long. The wall is three feet thick. And each five-foot long section has an AC. So it doesn't say. It doesn't specify that. So it probably uses up squares.

Yeah. And what do you mean it doesn't function if I put it down there? It's still blocking. Oh, it functions, but it's 20 feet tall. So the guys that are hanging... The catwalk is 20 feet high. Yeah, it's just making an extra catwalk. It's just making the catwalk is 20 feet high. Yeah, it's just making like an extra catwalk. It's just making like the catwalk a little wider. But the guys that are

hanging are like above that. They're like 40 feet above the water. Also, how tall is the tiny creature? I don't know. Four and a half feet tall. So it would have to then climb up the wall, though, to move away. I'm telling you, it's not going to help

you at all there. All you're doing by putting it there, for example, you're just making the catwalk a little wider with meat. I had a nickel for every time. If anything, it's an improvement. Alright, get rid of my wall.

I don't know what you put on the screen right there, but that's not a meat wall, and I'm not putting it up anyway, so please delete it. We're all bunched up here, but I don't want to get in front after seeing Aldo be hit. Get that three foot thick meat out of my sight. Get that meat out of my sight. I'm done.

I want to understand more about these creatures. Can I roll something so that I know what they're weak to? The ones that shot the poison, not the ones hanging from chains. I don't even care about them. Okay, they look to be of the same ilk. Okay.

What do you want to roll here? Occultism. Yeah, sure. Okay. Is it helpful if I roll occultism? Yeah. It's this fucking guy. It's a big edition again

That's a 38 38 You see these little pale blue Humanoid looking creatures Bulging white eyes Crazy mustaches, white hair Four fingers on their hands They're creatures known as

Deros Deros These are like descendants of Fae that live below ground. These are from first edition D&D Monster Manual 2, I think. Wow. Wow. It's going way back. Chapter and verse.

So since I know what they are, do I know what they're weak towards or any abilities or whatever? You know that creatures such as this are vulnerable to sunlight. Maybe one of your companions has a sunlight spell. No. I don't.

But yeah, no, they're nasty creatures. They can usually cast spells as well as being pretty nasty with their attacks. We don't know any immunities or resistances. I asked that, though. What are they weak to? They're immune to confusion.

They're immune to confusion? Wow. Focused minds. Immune to confusion. On these little weirdos. Shit. Cool. So that's one action. And I guess my second action is um let me see

should I keep more eyes on you uh Ethel I have a feeling I'm just gonna they're gonna start shooting spells and have more crossbow status and it may not be a flanking situation anymore I do think I'll end up in the water though do they look like beefy like they have a, though. Do they look, like, beefy?

Like, they have a lot of hit points? They're a little beefy. They look pretty fit. Okay. Pretty fit, Darrows. They're swinging from chains, a couple of them. One dude just jumped down, didn't take any damage. I reach out my gross little hand.

Okay. And I'm going to cast on the one still on the catwalk in front of me. Please make a fortitude save. Fortitude save for that guy. You got it. That is going to be a bad roll. 20.

Fail. Ooh, fail. Yeah, bad, bad roll. That's a regular fail. It's not a crit. But with that, you grow two blisters. Oh!

Oh, you showed me. Two gross little blisters on your skin. They just pop up full of pus and you're like... No, I moisturize! Who the heck is that? Or whatever, however you talk. All right, so they just grow blisters? That one grows two blisters, and that's all that happens for now.

It's a real inconvenient situation. I'm curious to see the mechanical effect. In the meantime, he's like, no, no. I'm really excited for what's going to happen. No! It is Ethel's turn. Ethel. Ethel stride up.

You see Aldo is suffering. Yes. Okay. I feel his pain. I stride up to him, and I will double slice the fellow that's still on the catwalk. Okay. Stride right up to that dude for a little double slice. Okay.

That is going to be a 31 on the Warhammer. That is a hit. And a natural 20 on the Hatchet. Oh! Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, R absolute beast. I'll give you the Warhammer. It's going to be 31 points of bludgeoning and three points of cold. Jeepers. Okay. Yikes.

Okay, let's kick it over to Todd G from Forest Park, Illinois. Hi, Todd G. Todd, you piece of shit. He's the one that didn't sell this shit. Yell at him. He's not here. Todd and his eight friends.

Homemade Pepsi woes. Let's go. Thanks, Todd, my boy. Are you shitting me, O'Brien? Are you shitting me right now? Did you do a fumble? I fucked it up. Did you do a fumble? I fucked it up. Did you do a fumble?

Turn in your whistle. Sorry, sir. I'm stripping off of you. Sorry, sir. It's fine. Todd's not here anyway. What's the call when they do the Mr. Banks

and when you cat you're in a cashier, Joe? Who's whistle? Break his whistle strap across your leg. Okay. This one from Todd G in Forest Park

We have a great system We have a great system Fastest John in the weest At least you know he listens to the show He is definitely a fan We're so dumb Your lightning fast moves cause double damage And give you another

action this round. Oh, shit. That is so amazing. Totally redeemed himself. Why couldn't Suki get that? She just wasted. What the fuck? I didn't even go yet. Oh, no.

Alright, 25 points of slashing damage. Japers! And then, because I get the extra damage. J-Birds! And then, because I get the extra action... Did you roll extra dice? Yeah. Okay. Did we not do that? No, we roll and double.

You double, yeah. First time playing? No, you can do either. You just have to decide. I forget what we decided. We decided we roll and then double, but it doesn't matter. Just let everybody know we fucked up.

I mean, the rules say that you double it. I don't remember. Anyway, I get the extra action so I can flens you. Nice! Oh, huge! That extra action's huge! The flensman. So you are going to take 1d8 persistent bleed damage per weapon damage

die of the weapons you use that has the most damage die. So it's going to be 2. I assume you don't count the crit. 2d8? 2d8 bleed. Bleed. You are flat footed. You're dead. And any resistances to any physical damage types are reduced by five.

And don't forget you have two annoying blisters. Yeah, don't forget. Not to mention those blisters. What a horrible day for this guy. He was just working down at first. He was minding down in the sludge pit. Minding his business in an ancient acid slush sewer. He's just doing his job.

Flinch! I suppose you're wondering how I got here. With these blisters. I want to hear this guy's story. Are you done? Yes. I'm going to mess you up, Capitacasa. You, personally, not your character.

You want to go? You want to go? All right, let's go. One of the dudes on the chain. Oh, dude, I don't like these chain guys. No, it's going to be bad news for all of us. What do they do all day? What do they do before their combat? I think it's their way of getting across.

That can't be the most efficient way. It's a chain game. You're a daryl. The one on the far john. Further away. A little bit to the east. He is like swinging. Swinging.

Swinging. Swinging. Three actions. Done. That's his turn. That's his turn. What a waste. Man, you really got caught on the flavor

turn there. He is going to shoot six magic missiles at you. Oh, shit. Wait, on who? Ethel? You're going to take three points of damage. You're going to take five points of damage. You're going to take four points of damage. You're going to take five points of damage.

You're going to take four points of damage. You're going to take five points of damage. Are you keeping track of these? 17. Four points of damage. Five points of damage. You're rolling rocks! And two points of damage.

That was a crap one. 28 points of damage. You see him using his arms as he's swinging to shoot six missiles at you. Holy shit. That hurt. Unerring missiles, and now it is Suki's turn. Okay. You hear...

from the skies, from the heavens. And she casts Lightning Storm. There you go. So you see over to Swingy John number one, you see these dark clouds start to form. And in a 20-foot burst, these clouds are all over. They actually get every single dude in it. What?

But that doesn't really matter because I only get one lightning bolt this round. So I'm going to strike it at the John Swingin'. All right, so you do have to see the location that you're casting to. Can you move up and two action cast? Yeah, I could. Just waiting to stop

all that action, Joe. You're in a dark tunnel staring at Eris's mouth. I made really cool noises with my mouth. Yep, I'll just squeeze through past Aldo. That's our slogan

on the network. Made really cool noises with my mouth? Yeah. Who needs Foley work and who needs all your music when I'm going whoosh, whoosh, whoosh? Okay. So now I cast it all your music when I'm going...

Okay. So now I cast it. Okay. And I'm going to send a lightning bolt at the guy swinging. You have to make a reflex. All right, so... Basic. Sorry, you can't.

I'm sorry. Isn't it... Oh, fuck my ass! Stop looking at my screen! Sidney, you are bethrothed. We're in church. You are a lady now. What if your fiancé was listening?

You'll forfeit your dowry. What would happen if your fiancé heard this? He does listen. Sorry I said that. Can I not see? Sorry, from where I was standing before behind Aldo, can I not see? From where you were standing in the tunnel,

you can't see anything. Tits. If you move in front of Aldo, you can not see? From where you were standing in the tunnel, you can't see anything. If you move in front of Aldo, you can see all of them. She doesn't have to see the target. She has to see where she's casting the center of the spell. That's true. So I don't know if you can reach with the edge of the 20 feet. It's a three action, John. If I move at all, I can't

cast that. Okay, I'll just change it up. Do you see the arrow I put on there? Let me look. Sorry. Oh, I see what you're saying. You should be able to do it from where you are. But you didn't start there, right? Hold on. Never stop! I was here.

So I could cast it. To like here? But it wouldn't get the last guy, but it might get the first guy. It doesn't matter. Can I cast it here where I'm pinging? No. No. No?

Okay. Can I cast it here? You can do it here, and that should get all of them. Does it also get Ethel? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No. It's just an area, and then I shoot a lightning bolt within the area.

I can choose the target. So that's fine. I will not move. I will cast lightning Storm at this spot, and I'm going to cast a Lightning Bolt down at chain guy number... But you can't see. Dude, police yourself!

You cannot see the target! She only needs to see where the center of the clouds go. Is it a sentient cloud? Fine. I'm going to cast it the center of the clouds go. Is it a sentient cloud? Fine. I'm going to cast it at the one in front of Ethel then. Okay. Very good. You're right. I'm just angry.

I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the game. Don't hate the player. Hate the game. Basic reflex. I'm mad at both of you. For your little tiny guy on the dock. All right. My little tiny guy. It's going gonna be so funny when he passes it, doesn't matter Yep, all that, that's the glass cannon way Alright, so this piece of shit is going to

Roll a reflex save here I'm so sweaty Me too It's so hot It's so fucking sweaty It's so hot, it's so hot Here we go My god, what a waste of time.

35. Jesus. Yep. Yep. So that's a success, but it's not a critical success. Okay. So you'll take half damage. Let me just roll one second.

Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah. The cool thing about this spell is... Okay, so that's going to be half of 25. 12. Thank you. And it's going to stay out there. So the cool thing about this spell is I can sustain it,

and I can cast another lightning bolt next round. So that's it. You take the 12, and that's my whole turn. Thrilling. Thank you. Now, you can interrupt Joe's turn as much as you'd like Thank you Really lean into it too

I encourage you I'm like a bird It is your turn Okay In that case I think you should heal everyone. The second the music ends. Gotcha!

We just don't make up the rules as we go. You're such a dad. You'll be one day. A dad? She'll be a dad. She'll be a dad. I get big dad energy. You'll be a dad one day.

I'm going to... Atticus is going to boldly, taking Aldo's boldness, he's going to move out into this scene so he can see the whole thing. And so that he can see anyone he wants to target with a spell. And then let's say...

Why don't you just say... Ice cold. Ice cold. Just say your silly little spell. Just roll your silly little die. I feel like I'm in a sauna and I want to kill myself. These turns take so long. I'm sweating so much.

I just started. All right. He's going to step out into this area. I'm going to step out into this area. That makes it longer, sorry. You're right. The one that jumped down into the muck, and Meyer, that one,

he will target. He's going to say, I don't know what it is you fear, but it doesn't matter. For the chain of knights will work its own will upon you. And this darkness comes into Atticus's mind. He projects an image of such evil at this creature

that it may just kill him where he stands. He's going to cast Phantasmal Killer. Phantasmal Killer on that first guy. It is a will save. All right, so casting it on Jumpy McGillicuddy. Will save. So it's a named creature. Alright, here we go. So he is

named. 29. 29. Fantastic! That is a fail. Okay. Walk me through it. Okay, you take 24 points of mental damage. Nice.

What does he see? What does this creature fear? What comes at him? The sun. Yeah, just like that one day he climbed to the surface. For the first time, it was like, what is that beautiful light? Oh, it hurts! It hurts so much!

I take 15 damage for every hour I'm exposed to it! Wow. That's kind of irrelevant in an encounter, isn't it? Yeah, really irrelevant. Man, that was 8d6,

and that included four twos and a one. All right, so 24 points of mental damage. 24 points of mental damage. And he is frightened two. Oh, wow, that's good. All right, so knock him down a peg, and yeah, that is Atticus's turn. One remaining combatant that has not gone this round,

and it's the first one that is swinging on the chain, who reaches out a hand towards Atticus. I hate you so much. With your six magic missiles, get out of my face! Oh, they're not magic missiles. Roll a will save. Are you John and my John right back at me? Oh, I am.

Oh! Well, I like these guys. I don't think that's going to be true in five minutes. Give me that sweet, sweet soaking wet Wilson. Dude, what dye? This is a big one. This is a big one. I'm going to roll the dye that always fails.

This is the dye. This is the Lork charging Kargik die Wow I bring it I bring it to every show What is with this table? He literally rolled a nat 20 On a different die Before we started he went oh that never happens

And now you're not choosing that dye. I'm looking at the natural five right now, Chicago. This has burned you. Let's see if she can turn it all around. Yeah, my guys! We got this! We got this! Come on, Atticus!

You are strong of will! Natural four. What did you expect? What did you expect? Come on, Atticus! You are strong of will! Natural form! What did you expect? What did you expect? Eddie, what's the prize? This goddamn die has not rolled. Anything but single digis in two years. Throw that die away.

He keeps it with all his other die in a bag. He curses them over and over and over. One day, one day he will make his turn. That is a 22 will save. Fail. Not a critical fail. Not a critical fail. What are you cooking up over there? His lips all sweat.

He's relishing in the anticipation. I hate it. He reaches out towards you. And you feel like your mind is like twitching. And you just hear a little voice in your head that says, come to the ladder. I want to show you something. And you immediately start walking towards the ladder

at the end of this catwalk that ends in a pit. You just failed at suggestion. Oh. Who's clapping in the back there? Security! Security! And he says, I can't see shit.

But you look cool. He just says, come on down the ladder. I want to show you something. He speaks American? Yes, he speaks American. Come on down the ladder. I want to show you something. It will last for one minute or until you complete that suggestion.

Oh, no. I'm going to think of a thousand flavor waves to break this. So he doesn't move yet. No, it says immediately, but... So on his turn. On your turn, yeah. Okay. Who dare?

Round two. It is one of the Darrow's turns. Let's see which one it is. Number two. Which one is he? Which one is he? Is he the one that jumped? No.

Yes, he is the one that jumped. It's the one that threw the notes, isn't it? I think he walked up. No, he walked up one that jumped. It's the one that threw the... No, I think he walked up. No, he walked up, threw and pulled. Yeah, so no, it's the one here right next to Ethel. He's flat-footed, he's bleeding, but he's right next to Ethel. There's so much fun shit I can do.

All right, he is going to attempt an athletics check. What? What did you say? What did you say? He's going to try and grab you. Okay. What is that against your... Athletics DC?

Is it Athletics DC? Am I right about that? Might be 42 DC? I think it's 4 DC, yeah. 4 is your DC? Okay. Let's try this. Fuck.

Yeah. 27. Miss. Yeah! Ethel! Okay. Want to try again with the map? No.

All right. Okay. Want to try again with the map? No. No. All right, he is going to... He's going to do this... Oh, man, this is so fucked up. He's basically going to do this thing called Tumbling Attack with his final two actions. He's going to move through your space without triggering a reaction. And when he does this, you're flat-footed

until the end of his turn. And then he is going to try and strike you with this, like, thing he has in his hands, the thing that he threw at you and pulled back. He's just going to try and smack you with it. So wait, he tumbles through for free? Tumbles through for free.

Well, it's a two-action John. So he strides up to his speed, goes through, doesn't trigger a reaction. So is he going past Ethel, between Ethel and Atticus? Yeah, past Ethel. I'm going to do that in a second. But with the map, this is going to be a 31. That hits.

Shit. All right, so now he's right next to Atticus. And he hits you with this thing. It's not terrible. Just a little bit of bludge, Dan. It's going to be 14 points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. And that's the end of his turn.

No, it's not. He takes 2d8 bleed. All right, I'll roll the flat check. Natural 20, wasted. But you still take the bleed this turn. I still take the bleed, yeah. Eight points of bleed. Eight points of bleed.

Damn, natural 20. He remains flat-footed, and now it is Aldo's. Yes, he does remain flat-footed. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo, you have this poison running through you. I don't know if that ticks the beginning or turn the end. Let's take your turn turn and then we'll see how you do with this poison.

I am going to throw a Blight Bomb at the guy I just tumbled through. Okay. 28. 28 is a hit. Okay.

Get him. I'm not giving him a bonus to his AC where Atticus is a small creature. So that's it. Yeah, and I ignore because of my alchemist goggles

I ignore lesser cover anyway. Oh, perfect. Okay. So that is that is 10 points of poison damage. Okay. And of poison damage. Okay. And

Oh, and eight points of persistent poison damage. Oh, wait, 15 points of damage on the attack, and then eight points of persistent damage. Okay. Persistent poison? Yep. Alright. Well, he had bleed, but now he is no longer bleeding, but now he's poisoned. Okay. Persistent poison? Yep. All right. Skip. Well, he had bleed, but now he is no longer bleeding, but he's poisoned.

Lost the bleed, but now he's poisoned. Okay. Okay. And then I'm going to throw a bottled lightning. Okay. Oh, that's a 30. 30. That's a hit.

Yeah. All right. Alright That's 16 points of electricity damage And he's flat footed He's flat footed until the beginning of my next turn

So that'll extend the flat footed a little bit Yeah, and then I'm just gonna, with my third axe, I'm gonna throw a little alchemist fire fire, a little teeny boy. A little teeny. He's clumsy, but he's still hitting left and right. And he's flat-footed. That's 25.

25 is a miss. So he takes five points of splash. Now give me a fortitude save. That's a 21. You move on to stage two of this poison, where you take nine points of poison damage and now become clumsy two. Oh, jeez.

As this venom courses through your veins. Do we have any means to address this? Suki! Fix this! Suki! Not a cleric. Can't. Not a cleric.

Not a cleric. All right. Who needs a cleric? It is the... Waste of time. The one that jumped down's turn. The one that jumped down is going to fire his crossbow. Oh, no.

At Ethel. Shashank! Yes! 26. Miss. Nice. Even flat-footed. Balls.

All right, reload action. I'm going to fire again. Netty 19. Still not great. Actually, no. That's a 35 to hit with the map. Oh, yes. That hits.

A couple things are going to happen. It's not quick. First thing that's going to happen is you're going to take almost maximum 14 points of piercing damage. Give me a fortitude save. Okay. Chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, chicks, Then you're really safe. You'll live forever. That's what that means. It is Eris's turn. Ooh. Oh.

Tell me about these blisters. Oh, you want to know about the blisters? That's funny because... He's just staring down at his hand. What the fuck are these? As she's trying to... As that... She, he, they... Gross.

As they're trying to mess with my party, I point out, you know, it's a great episode for my creepy hands, point out my creepy hand. And one of the blisters up on maybe the back of your shoulder pops. Gross.

It pops. So disgusting. And it does 7d6 acid damage. Whoa. Sorry, I thought you said 7d6. It does it in a cone, though. What? Does it affect the creature that it's on?

Oh, for God's sake. Wait, wait. What? Wait. It's a cone explosion of a blister? Yeah. What? Who does it hit?

It seems like it hits everyone around him. It's like an exploding blister. I mean, I can have it directed. You can direct the cone of the blister explosion? Direct it out. Are you a god? Other guys. Listen.

Listen. I can pop a blister. The target and each creature in a 15-foot cone originating from the target takes 76 acid damage. Basic fortitude save. You could point, if you can, you could point it at the water. All right, I would say you can hit the other guy down here. Yeah. Oh, I can?

Yeah. Oh, it's 15 feet. Yeah, because it's going down, so. Yeah, yeah. So, why is everything you do gross? You choose the direction of the cone. Oh, I do. Yeah. However, why is everything you do gross? You choose the direction of the cone. Oh, I do, yeah. However, it can include the target.

But it says that the target and each creature in a 15-foot cone take the damage. All right, so the target and his buddy are both going to take 76 damage. With a basic fortitude save. They both get a fortitude save. That's gross. So the guy down there just gets covered in this gross boiling pus. First fortitude save. Natural two.

Yeah. That's going to be an 18. Second one, 23. Do I compare that to my spell DC? Yes. Fail. And then what was the first one? 18.

Extra fail. Extra fail. Crit fail. Super fail. fail and then what was the first one 18 extra fail grit fail I don't know if that matters oh it does matter no wait it doesn't matter it's a basic it's double damage oh shit excuse me I'm married

I can't say that I'm married I'm married. I'm married. Okay, so the one that doesn't... 76 times two to the one on the john, and then 76 straight. So just roll 76. So the first one takes 24 times two.

48. 48. And he dies immediately. Yes! Harris! And the other guy will take 24 points of damage. Awesome! From wild pus.

He still has one more blister on him. He's dead. I know, but I can still pop the blister and hit it in a cone at the guy on the bottom. That is so gross. So true. So I do that. Roll another fortitude save if you want.

All right. Don't cheer for her. I was just flirting with the crowd. 31! That was me flirting with the crowd. Stop flirting with the crowd. Just hitting them all in the fort. You're married.

Stop. 31 from that fortitude save. Pass. So I mean, you can't. Half damage. Wait, wait, wait. Slow it down a notch. Oh my God, coach.

Here comes Debbie Downer. Oh, Debbie. Coach, what? Basic fortitude save. Pass. Did it? Yep. Half damage.

Half damage. He's frightened, too. Oh! What does that mean for the first one? Well, well, well. The first one, it didn't matter. It was still a fail, not a crit fail, but this might make it a fail. Oh, okay.

What is your DC? Is it 29? 29. Nine. Then that's a fail. Woo! See, it goes both ways. 21 points of acid damage.

That was a good catch, Joe. And in fact, you get a bottle cap. Yeah! Yes! You don't do good things often. So I want to give you something. They can't see my sad eyes. Consider that my wedding gift to Sydney.

Hold on. A bottle cap for me? Wait. Wedding gift to Sydney? You earned it. With my final action. Let's go going, huh? I can't see anyone in the room now from where I am.

So I want to move up to the space where this guy used to exist. Great. Nice. And doesn't anymore. Stomp on his corpse. Free action. Squish. Squish.

Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish.

Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish.

Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish.

Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish.

Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish.

Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish.. W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W- You know she wears stockpiles. Okay. That was a very, very cool round.

No bottle cap, though. You just stomp on his head and it just... Joe steals my bottle cap. It's fine. It's fine. Patriarchy. Patriarchy. It's a glass ceiling here at the Glass Cannon Network. It's a glass ceiling network.

I do all the work, the man gets my bottle cap. He admitted. The GCN? He admitted. The GCN. The glass ceiling network. All right. It's time for a man to go Matthew

All we have is Matthew It's the best we have It's embarrassing you don't know something Isn't there a flagpole you should be jumping on? Okay Ethel is going to double move It's embarrassing you don't know Sonic. Isn't there a flagpole you should be jumping on? Okay. Ethel is going to double move, come around the catwalk, to here.

And he has the movement to, and I want to, the second part of my second move, my second stride, I want to jump off the catwalk and grab onto the chain to swing at this other guy. Oh, yeah!

Let's go! All right, well, that's not just a free fucking jump, bro. No, I assume this is an athletics check. Give me a... It seems pretty acrobatical to me. Acrobatical? Seems a little bit more on the acrobatical end of the eckles. I know.

He's not doing a flip. Leap, long jump, and high jump are athletics. All right. All right. Don't. Yeah, but they don't include grabbing a chain. Athletics is fine. I'm going to set the DC right now.

Natural 20. DC doesn't matter. For a total of? 41. DC doesn't matter! For a total of... 41. It was DC... 42. Regular success.

Oh, Matthew, so close. So close. You grab it, but it's nothing special. Sorry. I also, in the process, I dropped my hatchet as I left. It lands in the water and goes right into the pit. I hand it to Eris and run. And screams the entire way.

So you're swinging on the chain! And I'm hoping the momentum of my jump will allow me to strike this guy at the reach of my swing. If only you had critically succeeded. Yeah, that's rule of cool. I'll allow it. That's very cool. It's very cool.

I would love not to allow it, but my hands are tied. It's very cool. I think that's my turn, though, because I assume that's going to be three acts. All right, so we'll just pause you in midair. Just pause you in midair. And he's like, this is, like, do, do, do,

and he's like, this fellow hanging on the chain just sees a burly gentleman wielding a war hammer come flying at him. And then we wait till next round to see what happens. All right,

it is the other one who is swinging, the one that shot six magic missiles at you. It's his turn. So many cool things he can do. My hatchet's right in front at you. It's his turn. So many cool things he can do. My hatchet's right in front of you. No, it's the other dude.

It's the other one that's swinging. The further one. No, I'm talking to Kate. Okay, I don't care. What? Cast a spell on you, Ethel. Okay. Give me a fortitude save.

Bad juju, bad juju, bad juju, bad juju, bad juju, bad juju. Not great. Ooh. 27. Final. Not great. Ooh. 27. Final answer? Yes. Fail. You got got by the bad juju.

27 is a fail. It's not bad. You're just blinded for one minute. What? I should have cast the eyes. Every time, just cast the eyes. More eyes. When in doubt, eyes.

Might make you less blind. You are blinded for one minute, hanging from a chain. What Troy doesn't know is that Ethel is in This is Ethel's In his comfort zone All those years training Swinging on chains blindly Some weird sex dungeon

No wonder you're divorced And then that guy swings to another chain As his final action we now go to suki they don't have to like roll a check to i rolled catapult themselves there got it christ i got a lot going on back here it's hot suki is going to uh run up and move past Atticus to the north, and I think she kind of looks at Atticus, who looks really weird. He, like, walks into her, and she's like, What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Oh, the ladder. I must go.

I don't know what you're talking about. Really must go. I don't know what you're talking about. Really, Musco. I don't know what you're talking about. Are you drunk? Ladder, Musco. And she is going to sustain one action, her lightning storm spell, and she is going to strike

the dude who just cast that on Ethel. Okay. Now that she can see him, Joseph. What is it, a reflex save? Yep. 24. Fail. Failure.

All right, full damage. So full damage. Let me get my online roller. There's so many die. Oh, my God. 27 damage. You should always use an online roller. What? What?

What? Who said that? Congrats on the engagement. Rude. I'm working. I'm trying really hard. Okay, so that's that. And then I'm going to command Pepsi to move.

Oh, Pepsi's not on the map. That's weird. All right, there he is. Right there. Swinging from a chain. There he goes. Pepsi! I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes

and this motherfucking chain. He's motherfucking... Ladies and gentlemen, Skidmar. Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap!

Bottle cap! No. That was a really good one. Yeah. Just, no. I'll command Pepsi to go right next to Eris and kind of stand there to protect Eris from... What's he doing?

He's fucking around. There he goes. He's just swinging from chain to chain. I taught him that. Woo! All right, so... That's my boy. Pepsi just moves next to Eris.

Cool. Yep, that's it. Atticus, it's your turn. I tell you what to do. I would like you to use the full complement of your movement to make the most expeditious route between where you are and the end of this catwalk. Tsuki.

Excuse me. No. Moscow. That seems weird. No. The answer is below the ladder. You sound fucked up. What? You sound weird, but I can't see you.

Trust me, he's being weird. Ethel, there's nothing to fear. It's down the ladder. I can't see. Ethel. One ladder. There is an answer coming. Someone stop him.

The answer to all the questions. Ethel grabs the air in front of him. All this time. Sookie does too. He's blind. We've wondered what is behind Mun's influence. Well, I know where to find it. You guys, the rat sounds really weird.

Just mop up here while I'm gone. I'll be back shortly. Ethel. And he begins to descend a ladder into a fucking pit. Are you reading suggestion correctly? You're not harming yourself. You're just following orders.

I'm going into something that has, and I quote, obvious negative effects. That said, happy to do it. You think this does not break the spell? Well, we will find out. Because as Ethel is swinging blindly from that chain, and Eris is popping boils left and right, Aldo is suffering from a venom which is coursing through his veins, making him clumsy and sick.

Suki. We never know what Suki's doing. And Atticus just feels compelled in his mind to walk to this ladder and climb down, but you may change your mind because when you get to the end of the ladder and look down, you just see dozens of hands

reaching up towards you and smiling. And we'll see you in St. Louis. That's the show. That's the whole show. Thank you so much, Chicago. Thank you, Chicago.

Chicago. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love the house lights. Bring them up. Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. And for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else, subscribe today at jointhenation.com. you