The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 85 – Another Mun Bites the Dust

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Denizens from the Darklands continue to harrow the party deep below Mun's infirmary home. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/i5-M2JvAues Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at jointhenaish.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Let's go, gentlemen! Let's go, man! Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Take my joke! Take my joke!

Take my joke! Take my joke! Take my joke! Take my joke! I love it! I love it! Hello, St. Louis! Wow! Well, I've seen your arch, and I've eaten your toasted raviolis.

Your T-Ravs. And now, having been here for 36 hours, I get the sense that's pretty much it, right? I know they still have a pretty competitive ABA basketball team, Troy. I just assumed after driving through that barren wasteland that was the stretch between Chicago and here we would come and there would be a couple pockets of cultural significance. No, it's just the arch.

And pizza that tastes like cardboard. It's very strange. And the arch sucks too. We're staying right near the arch. We're in its shadow, literally. Did you say the arch sucks? It's very beautiful. I thought the arch kind of sucks.

The arch is phenomenal. It doesn't even light up at night. It should light up. It should light up, right? I thought I'd look for it. No, it doesn't need to light up. You lack imagination. It's awesome.

In New York, our monuments light up at night. Kate legitimately looked out the window and she goes, it doesn't light up. And I was like, what? She goes, the arch. It doesn't even light up. It doesn't light up because everyone in St. Louis

apparently goes to bed at 5 p.m. There is no one on the streets after 5 p.m. No. It's very strange. I thought I'd at least

look through the arch and see like a picturesque landscape of Americana and Stargate. It's not Stargate. It's very strange. I thought I'd at least look through the arch and see like a picturesque landscape of Americana. It's not Stargate. It was like a sad factory, train tracks, and a casino. It's the gateway to the West, you fool. You look at it from the Illinois side. Well, I'll tell you.

I looked through and I saw the casino and I just went to the casino. And I think that should be the slogan of this city. St. Louis. There's a decent casino in Illinois right across the river. It was fine. It wasn't anything special. That Illinois side is, that's rough.

That's rough. That's rough. It really does look nice when you look over the river at St. Louis from that distance, I'll tell you. Now I know why we sold this show out so quickly. What the hell else do you do in this town? It's either go see Glass Cannon live or walk past abandoned storefronts. Yeah, decide to start your own crack den.

Ample real estate opportunities for that. What did you say? You left a bar with Nick D last night, last night at like 11 o'clock at night, we're walking down the street and I literally saw a storefront. I mean, it was, the store had been out of business clearly for a while,

but the window to the store was shattered in and wide open to the street. It wasn't billboarded over. There wasn't like police tape around it. You could just like walk in there and sleep. If you wanted, I think I saw that same building when Kate and I were walking. I went, damn, this city rocks. You were like, there's so much urban exploration to do here. That's exactly what Sidney said.

Ooh, urban exploration. I would love to live in this city. It would have been a really bad combo if you were walking with McDermott instead of me. Because McDermott just said simply, you want to go in there? And I was like, no! I was very scared. Well, thank you for coming.

We appreciate it. We love you. We will revitalize this town if it's the last thing we do. I don't trust a town that doesn't have four sports teams. I think in total they've had more than four, but... It's just, imagine having a sports team

that's like, we don't want to be here anymore. And they left. Anyways, thanks for coming. No refunds. This is our first time in St. Louis sold out like that. I imagine we have a lot of first timers here tonight Show of hands, first timers Wow

A couple last timers after we make fun of you Prepare for disappointment Sydney has six martinis in front of her Raise your hand Who sent them? Thank you. You broke the rule. Thank you so much.

You broke the rule. You broke rule number one. How dare you? You broke rule number one and also passed one down. How dare you? Do you want one? Yeah, hook me up. Dirty or straight up?

You want a dirty? Should I go wine first or martini? Oh, the classic three drink. What's the beer before liquor? Which? What's wine? I guess wine. Yeah, but wine doesn't even factor in, so I think you're good.

Trying to decide what flavor I want my vomit to be. Do you want olive-y Cabernet or do you want Cabernet? Or do you want oaky vodka? Yeah, I'm at City Winery, not City Martini-ry. City Martini-ry. I guess we'll just do pint glasses of wine. We're trademarking City Martinery. Yeah, TMTM. Don't take that.

That's ours. It's actually pretty good. I'm really excited about tonight, and I didn't... Thank you. I thought she dressed up as a clam for Halloween. Doesn't she look like a clam? Hey, clap if you know what this is. The lumpiest clam ever.

Oh, my God. It's like you don't even know who I am. I'm famous on Lumbus Bay. Thank you. I heard people say LSP. I didn't wear a costume tonight because having played two city wineries now, I know it's a corporate policy

that it has to be 90 degrees in here. And it ruined the Chicago show for me. It feels great right now. It's beautiful now. It's like being in the Letterman studio. This is awesome. Halloween's over. I've already moved on to Christmas, everybody. Is everybody ready for Christmas? Huh?

Shut up! Don't you boo Christmas! Piss. How do you sleep at night How is it you can be so defensive You have to be defensive on Christmas' part as well Well we sleep well because Santa's not coming in our chimney All weird and stuff

Coming in your chimney Whoa I said come I said come All I can picture is Santa Sanding over a chimney I'll fill up your stocking All I can picture is Santa standing over at Cheney. I said, come, knock. I'll fill up your stocking with cheese.

No. I said, come, knock. I know what you said. You're doubling down now. Gotta put out the fire. That's gross. Guys, come on. It's children here.

My wife sent me this TikTok last night after I left Joe, and it perfectly encapsulates how I feel about Christmas. Check out this guy, at Robbie's Moon Music on TikTok. This dude explains exactly how I feel. I was like, yes! Yes! Finally somebody sees me. He basically says... Is he too sad and full of hate and vitriol?

I'm not going to take that from you on Christmas. It's not Christmas. I know what I want for Christmas is two people at that table. Oh, my God. Anything else to say? The baby of Christmas miracle will happen. Looks like somebody peed on your overalls. Asking Santa for murder is very Halloween of you.

Let me explain what this guy says. He believes, oh, so fucking brilliant. He believes there are two Christmas days and two Christmas seasons. And November 1st starts the first Christmas season, leading all the way up to Thanksgiving, which is the first Christmas day. Think about it. You're with your family. You're eating comfortable food. You're celebrating.

It's Christmas. Yes, it's Thanksgiving, but it's Christmas. And then the day after starts the second season, and it ends on the second day of Christmas, which is Christmas Eve. 55 days. Those who have followed this track have had a better life because of it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You just said it ends on Christmas Eve, so you don't even count Christmas Day as Christmas? No, that's the most depressing day of the year. What? Yeah, that is the worst day. It is. It's the worst day.

I guess I was just thinking about it. Do you ever think you anticipate it so much that you ruin Christmas Day? Yes. I worry about that. I worry about that, but when you wake up... I don't have to worry.

I know it for sure. It's been my experience the past eight years. In fact, he ruins it for everyone else in his life. Yeah, I'm saddest for his children. Yeah. Saddest for my children?

They get to experience Christmas like no one else. Yeah, but then they're told on Christmas Day that everything dies. It's over. Don't ever get attached to anything, son. You can't depend on anyone. Even Santa Christmas is over

Go to bed Second Christmas is over I hope you enjoyed first Christmas on Thanksgiving Because that's long gone, son Well, I'm excited Wednesday Wednesday, start Throw up a tree

Throw up some lights Enjoy yourself No, no We're not I want a new cast You guys have anything you want to talk about? I would like to point out that We placed drink orders before the show

And I got empty glasses in front of me Which is not really what I ordered. It's for the wine at our feet. Do you want wine? No, I want what I ordered. This place is kind of known for wine. I know McD has a lot to do, but I did place an order.

Looks like you got coal in your stocking. I know. I should have been a better boy this year. Would you like a martini? Yeah, all right. You want a martini? Yeah, sure. Do you want it dirty or straight up? I'm a bartender now. Whatever you have. I'll take the drinks.

I can make you anything you want. It has to be a martini, though. I'll have the martini. Anything you want, as long as it's a martini. Here at the Glass Cannon Martinery. We could open up a chain of martineries. Oh, they're on the... Oh, they're behind the stage. And now you look like the asshole.

Let's all boo him. Boo! I know. The wig affects my peripheral vision. I'm sorry. I'll jump in. I had a great day today. I've spent most of 2023 not accompanying Skid and Matthew on their show day jaunts.

Because I'm usually too sick from drinking the night before with Troy. And losing money. And losing money. This time, though, it was great. Felt great. And they were going to Ulysses S. Grant's house. White Haven. And so we all went together.

And it was super, super fun. And very historic. And we learned a lot. And I learned that Matthew looks really, really great as Ulysses S. Grant. Oh my God.

Wow. I mean, the beard really sells it, doesn't it? Wow. I mean, with such pride,

he looks to the skyline. I didn't realize until just now I'm facing away from where Ulysses S. Grant's outline of his head is facing. And his wife, Skid.

You look beautiful, Skid. How I love him. I was trying to capture the haunted look in the eye of the Butcher of Galena. Yeah. You look like a drunkard. Alright, anyway. Sidney, what did you and Kate do today? Oh, you know, nothing much

Nothing cool or fun or anything Do you really want to know? Not anymore That took too long already We kept describing it We got back and Kate and I were like so energetic And we were like, we've had the best time We've been crawling around for hours.

Best day ever. We went to the city museum. We went to the city museum. I didn't know. So we were pulling up and we saw like the outdoor jungle gym. I'm like,

this looks cool, but I'm not getting in there. This is for children. As soon as we get inside, I see like a tiny hole to crawl through and I'm like, see ya.

I've got holes on the knees of my pants. I lost Kate for an hour. I lost her. I rode a 10-story slide. We rode a 10-story slide. It hurt my butt a lot. We had fish kiss our fingers.

Well, we put our hands in tanks and fish kissed our fingers. Describing everything sounds like a fever dream. I told myself. We flew a plane. Oh, we flew a plane? You flew a plane? In our minds. What a museum is this?

In our minds. Sounds like you just got high. I was thinking... Wandered around this ghost town. That place would have been scary if we were high. That place is kind of freaky. Yeah, actually. There were so many children.

Obviously, it's meant for children. It's very cool. Adults can go, too. I was thinking, though, man, if I had kids, obviously, this is the place to go. But I don't want to crawl around with them. And I said to Grace's friend, Anna, I was like, if I had a kid, I would just stick an air tag on him and slap him on the butt and let him run free.

I'll find you later. Have some knee pads and like a headlamp. Yeah. You missed out. I know you guys had fun on your history date, but you guys missed out. You really just made us sound like dads. Are you not?

Like, two of you are. We're out living and learning about the Civil War while they're going down slides and flying planes. Like, tell us about your Roman Empire. We're not just dads. We're their dads. For us, it's playgrounds, I guess. Meanwhile, I went to a brewery and a casino. Activities better done alone.

Very on brand for all of us. Yeah, very on brand, I would say. Yeah. Divorce dad. Divorce dad. I had the divorce dad day. Divorce dad day. All alone at a brewery.

When we were coming back from Whitehaven, we had this driver, a Lyft driver, and he was very nice. His name was Joe. He was very kind. At one point, Joe asked him, have you lived here long? He said, I've been here all my life. My kids are about to leave for college, so my sentence ends soon.

We were like, whoa. Skid tried to make a conversation. He was like, whoa. Skid trying to make conversation was like, where are you going to go? And he said, anywhere else. And I didn't want to press him on

why, because there's a lot of really bad answers to that question, and I just don't want to know. There's probably not any good answers. There could be some funny answers like, oh, my wife used to date this local clown, this local TV clown, and I can't stand seeing his face on billboards.

That'd be a good answer. But there's a lot of bad answers that I don't want to hear. Yeah. That would have been a great answer. I know. I speak from experience. This is the show, by the way. This is the show. Yeah, way. This is the show.

Yeah, welcome. This is what you paid for. I don't want to talk anymore because I have a goal tonight to have the best show of the year. Right. I had an epiphany this morning when I woke up in pain.

And I said, ooh, I'm going to move this over here, move that over there, move that over there, push this to there, and have the best show ever. Now, I always think that, and they always ruin it. But I have a feeling it's going to happen.

Would you like to see us play pretend? Woo! All right. My flight is until 6.30. Joe, can I get a little mood music, a little recap music? Something sexy. You got it, pal. Something real.

It's Halloween. Let's do sex. Yeah, just play the Monster Mash. Yeah. Ooh. That's good. Cap music. Setting a suspenseful mood.

Solid cap music. Cap music, bro. Cap music. I'm going to put some Red Bull in my wine. Set in a suspenseful mood. Solid cat muse, bro. Cat muse. I'm gonna put some Red Bull in my wine. Oh, God. Wait, really? Call it a Red-a-nay. Or a Shar-bull.

Shar-bull night. Shar-bull. It's Shar-bull night at the martinery. Dude, I had so many Sharples last night. Punched a mirror thinking it was a dude yelling at me. I'm going to make this cap real. That sounds like it came from personal experience. It really does.

It doesn't sound like you just made that up. Leave me alone in that box. Let me tell you something ugly. What is your face made out of? Glass? I'm going to make this cap really simp. If you've followed all 70, 80, however many episodes we've done, then you know our heroes are searching for a man named... Count Hazerton Louse.

Bingo. Count Hazerton Louse. Bingo. Count Hazerton Louse IV. This is a man who is attempting to bring an alien god into the world to destroy it. In his search to unlock the knowledge to do such a horrible thing, he brought two of our heroes into his employ some time ago, and when he was done with them, he had their memories erased and left them to rot. Well, they have their memories back, and along with some new allies,

they are hot on the trail of Laos and know that he is traveling to the Qadiran city of Qathir looking for a library of the occult to find a tome called the Necronomicon, which will bring him one step closer to realizing his terrible plan. You are now heading to that city to try and intercept him, and recently arrived in the port town of Casimir. This is in the nation just to the north of the one you're heading to. Before you leave Casimir, you decide to stop in and check in on one of

Lyle's known associates. A man by the name of Myaknian Mun. When you arrive at the old prison infirmary that is now his home, it looks abandoned. You knock on the door and a very polite man answers. Perhaps this is Mun.

Well, politeness aside, he's acting really weird. So you try to barge past him and he loses his mind and attacks. As you dispose of him, you realize it is not Munn, but a hollow construct made to look like Munn. You continue exploring this house and eventually end up in a laboratory where you're attacked by an alchemical golem and a vicious ogre jelly. So stupid we do this for a living.

After defeating those dumb creatures, you start to open the stained glass. We had to explain it to several people at the Ulysses Grand House. That's a lot of truth.

And then once we did explain it to the whole crowd, we fanned out into the house and this very nice middle-aged lady comes over to Joe and says, there's a board game in the other room. She's very excited. You know, there's a board game in the other room. It's just like, oh!

She was referring to a checkerboard. That's right. And she omitted a word that she said in her head, which was... Nerd! That's right. And she omitted a word that she said in her head, which was nerd. That's right. Board game.

Yeah, because like we told everybody and there was like nine or ten people in this group. It's like nine or ten people in this group and eight or nine

of the ten immediately put their heads down and broke away and walked away as quickly as possible and one guy was like, like Dungeons and Dragons?

Yeah. And he was really into it and he was like, where's your show? And I didn't have the heart to be like, sold out, bro. So I was like,

it's a city winery. Yeah, try to get in. Are you here? No. He didn't get in. It would have been cool if he was like, you know,

if you'd attack an oak or jelly with piercing, slashing, or electricity, it splits into two. Ah, but you already know that. And then he just disappears. Anyways, you fight those stupid creatures, and you defeat them a couple nights ago in Chicago.

And after you defeat them, you start to open these stained glass windows that are around the room. Suki, with no regard for anyone's safety, opens one and sets off a black tentacle strap. Maybe I did it on purpose! I didn't. It was an accident.

Well, the trap sucked, because I couldn't roll for shit in Chicago. But you open up another window, and it reveals a tunnel going deep down below the infirmary. So you open up another window and it reveals a tunnel going deep down below the infirmary. So you climb down the rather wet, tight tunnel. Whoa, wait.

Santa Claus is coming to town. You climb down this tunnel and it opens onto a catwalk. It's all her. Overlooking a wet floor covered in water

that's rushing towards a huge open hole in the back of an enormous chamber. There are two small creatures who spot you on the catwalk and attack you with javelins on chains and poisoned crossbows. And two more of these strange creatures swinging from chains above the water, casting spells at you. You've learned that these little imps are known as Deros. This goes back to original D&D, as Skid pointed out. These are natives of an area known as Deros. This goes back to original D&D,

as Skid pointed out. These are natives of an area known as the Darklands, deep, deep below the natural world. While you were able to take one of them out, a couple things have happened. One, Aldo was hit by one of these poisoned crossbow bolts.

Oh, that's right. And the venom has now reached stage two, making him sick and clumsy. It's eating away at his hit points. Two! Ethel bravely jumped to one of these chains to fight the swinging spellcasters, only to fall victim to a

blindness spell and now cannot see. And finally, Atticus, our dumb wizard, failed a save against a suggestion spell where a little voice in his head said, hey, please walk to the end of our catwalk, descend the ladder and join us.

So we ended the show in Chicago two nights ago with Atticus using all three of his actions to walk down the catwalk and begin the descent into the water, only to look down into the pit and see dozens upon dozens of hands 60 feet below reaching up toward him at the bottom of the pit. Now, while doing my prep this morning, I noticed a couple mistakes were made. That happens when you drink a gallon of white wine.

Both blindness and suggestion have the incapacitation trait. So, since double those spell levels are both below your level, your result would have been one step better. You both failed, so those would be treated as successes. For Ethel, calm down.

Coach. For Ethel, that means... I missed it. I'm sorry. You will be blind, not for one minute, but until the beginning of your next turn. Oh. Good. Huge.

For Atticus, tough shit. Hands off the chess piece. It wasn't my hand. But you snap out of it when you see the hands. Because they seem like potential negative consequences? Sure. Let's go to the map. Is it already there?

Hey, it's been there. It's a beautiful map. Old Davey Maps. Who's that, Davey Maps? Of course it's Old Davey Maps. G it already there? Hey, it's been there. It's a beautiful map. Old Davy Maps. Was that Davy Maps? Of course it's Old Davy Maps! Gorgeous. Thank you, Davy Maps. It's a great map.

And I was scrolling through it as you were describing the scene because it really is a deep, interesting, and complicated scene. Like, Atticus is really far away from all of his allies, minimum of 40 or 50 feet. Ethel's hanging on a chain over this water that's 20 feet below. The three creatures are hanging out over that water. Everybody else is on a catwalk

all the way down at the bottom. It's a crazy situation. It's a nasty sitch. You just used all three of your actions. It is now nearing the end of round one, I think. Who cares? Who cares? I think it's two or three.

Any round junkies out there? And it's still one of my character's turns. They said it's round three. I don't care. It is Swingy McGee right here Right next to Ethel Remember you're still blind I can't see

He says If anyone's still around I want you to know I can't see Stop micing Excuses I had a lot of time to think about What I'm going to do I don't love my decision, but I think it's worth the old college try.

So it, like, swings towards you and goes to target you with a spell. Go ahead and give me a will save. Do I get an attack of opportunity? No, it's a ranged spell. That swing was a flavor spell. Will save, you say? Yes, and I'm not going to say it again. Well, if you don't, I'll just do fortitude. He is fired up already.

I'm sorry I raised my voice. I'm going to turn in a bottle cap. Oh! What, did you bring one from home? No, I have it marked on my sheet. Okay. All of you have one bottle cap. Now you have zero, and you have two.

I have one. You have another one? Yeah. What? I don't know. No, you don't. He's reset over time. He's the only one with two.

You realize that I probably got the session before Chicago. You haven't been a part of this show in months. Natural 20. Woo! Natural 20 Critical Trey Critical Trey

Critical Critical Trey Why don't you like bottle caps? I prefer tap beer You're unaffected Yes

Okay Yes See they don't care They're team Troy Did you do something? Did that guy do something to me? Hey, guys? Did you do something to me?

Alright, that was two actions. Somebody describe what's happening. Great detail. There are dozens of hands, hands rising from the depths. Okay, stop describing. They're coming for us, Ethel. They're coming for us Ethel They're coming

I'm going to attempt to Hit you with my ranged Johnski 29 to hit That's my AC exactly I'm the king of hitting your AC Exactly Also the king of hitting your AC exactly. Also the king of

almost max damn. 17 points of bludgeoning damage. What was the spell? Don't worry about it, man. They'd like to know. Listen to the talkback. How about you describe narratively what happened at all? Yeah, reach us out!

Yeah, that might... That might make for some dramatic radio. You do know this is a show in front of people. I'm not telling you what that spell is because I might want to cast it later. No, I'm fine, but... He reaches out and you start to

feel a little tingling all over your body and then you shake it off. You now have zero bottle caps. Can I use my reaction to recognize the spell? Oh. Sha-ga-ga-ga-goo. Is that an action? A creature within my line of sight casts a spell.

You've got that reaction to recognize the spell? Yeah, I do. Never use six, I forget it. All right, go ahead and give me whatever the roll is. How dare you? No one has ever done this in the history of the network. No, we've been too stupid to know. I know.

That's only because of our own shortcomings. I'm going to read the John here. If you are trained in the appropriate skill for the spell's tradition, and it's a common spell of second level or lower, it's not, you automatically identify it. Shibbity-shabbity-shoo. The highest level of a spell you automatically identify increases to four if you're an expert, six if you're a master, and ten if you're legendary.

What are you? I'm an occult lady. What? Legendary at what? Yeah, so is the spell's tradition occult? Does it have the occult keyword? Now, do you have anything? Yes, it does.

It does. All right, so you are an expert or a master? I'm a master. Oh, shit! Oh, white! So if it's level six or lower, you automatically identify it, I think. Yeah, buddy.

I didn't know I could do this. That's so cool. It's a cool thing. It's so cool. I'm having so much think. Yeah, buddy. I didn't know I could do this. That's so cool. It's a cool thing. It's so cool. I'm having so much fun. That's great. Shoot, I think you're right. Oh, yeah.

It was trying to... Who said it? It was... Yeah, bottle cap. Bottle cap. Bottle cap. Bottle cap. Bottle cap. Bottle cap. Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap!

Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap!

Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap!

Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Wow, she's really pleading. Instead of us, I've been weird. It was trying to paralyze Heather. Whoa! He would have drowned to death. I yelled that out after you were...

It's three feet of water. You can drown in two inches of water. It's true. Yeah, if you fall right. If I fall right. Yeah. Why were you feeling down about your decision? That's a great decision.

Troy. What? See, I'm trying to be nice to you. Because Paralyze has the incapacitation trait as well. So it would have been really tricky to do it, but I thought you'd eat shit on the roll instead. I did. I rolled a natural four.

Next round, round 16. Jesus. It is, who died? Who died? All right, it's the guy in the water's turn. So he's down there, even though he looks like he's right next to Ethel, he's not, because Ethel is swinging from the chains. Here's what he's going to do.

He's going to come over here. Here meaning to the north, where he sees Atticus. No. Stop. Come on. I don't like you as a person. You don't even know me. He is going to shoot his hand crossbow at you.

Did he load it? Yes. Last round? Shut up, Artie. Loads it. Then moves. Then moves. Final action.

Shooting. 26 to hit. Oh! Oh! Tween journey! Tween journey. It's at the top. Where are you going?

Do you not know your race seat, my art? You have one character. No, I believed I was under a condition I should not have been under, and I'm correct, and that's a... What was your roll? A 26.

26. Miss! Oh! Whoa! Next girl, give it to ya. Wait for you to get it on ya. Missed by one! Oh!

Oh! Oh! I still had grabbed on from the ooze. I had forgotten to take that off. And so, yeah, I was like, this seems a little low. Shit. All right, it's Aldo's turn. Aldo, I meant to look this up today and forgot.

Do you roll on the poison at the end of your turn or the beginning of your turn? I don't. You're at an end. I'll go end. So, Aldo, you are clumsy, too, right now. You've taken significant damage. The venom is still coursing through your veins. What do you do?

Yeah, he's like, I'm really messed up. I'm like stumbling forward. He says, I'm not feeling right. I move forward a little bit, and I'm going to throw an acid, and I'm going to throw a moderate acid flask at the one facing off against Ethel. Okay. That's the one that just tried to cast Paralyze and failed because Matthew brought a bottle cap from home.

Oh, it's a natural two. Oh, no. It's a 19 under my current state. 19. It's not a critical critical failure So it will take splash damage Okay so that's 6 points of splash damage Okay Oh man that stinks You're so clumsy

I know I'm just I'm an oaf Help me I've changed into an oaf And then he's just gonna to throw a lesser alchemist fire. Lesser alchemist fire. Okay, go ahead. Fucking fuck. Natural 20. Whoa!

This is the best show so far. Are you upset by that? No, because I could have thrown an actual, one of my good bombs. Yeah. All right, Nat 20, though. That's going to be a fan fumble. Anybody from East St. Louis people on there? East St. Louis?

Oh, my God. There's not a single St. Louis. Well, for ranged, exactly critical, like it has to be a specific kind. Sorry. All right, how about East St. Louis? Anybody from East St. Louis? We immediately decline all submissions from East St. Louis.

Somebody had a good run at the table. I try to pretend they're from Missouri. They're not. This one from Andrew in Columbus, Ohio. I guess is the closest range script right now. Columbus? Yeah, very guess is the closest range right now. Hi, Andrew.

Yeah, very strange. Did you make the trip, guy with a normal name? This one's called Go for the Eyes. Double damage. There we go. Your projectile hits unerringly at the target must attempt a fortitude save against a standard DC equal to your level plus 10.

Usually we set the DC. I'll tell you right now, your level is 10, right? And so it's 20 and I roll the 20 exactly. Shouldn't it be my class DC? It should not be that. It should be your class DC. They don't determine the DC. We do. And your class DC? It should not be that. It should be your class DC. My class DC. They don't determine the DC. Yeah.

We do. And your class DC is going to be 25, 27. It's 27. All right, so then it's a fail. So it's a failure. Blind for one D4 round. What? Blind.

It's blind now. This is the guy menacing me on the other chain. Yes, the blind fighting the blind. This is the guy menacing me on the other chain? Yes, the blind fighting the blind. Nice job on that lesser alchemist fire. It did a great deal of damage. Yeah, not too bad.

That's 26 points of damage. Whoa! Two points of persistent damage as he is on fire, and he's blind! Get ricked! Get ricked! What'd you say? 26 points of damage? Correct. Okay, and then he's got persistent fire, which will tick on his jaw. And now I gotta roll

my save for the poison, right? Yes, you do. Thank you for being honest. Oh, darn! What did you roll? I rolled a that's fortitude. Hey, why don't you be more, I'm looking. 28.

That is a success. Okay. So you will move from stage two back to stage one. Huge. Which will make you clumsy one, and you will still take seven points of poison. Okay. If you succeed again, this will have run its course.

And you're done, right? That's it. Okay. It is now Eris's turn. Ooh. I'm going to... Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Is that going to be a battle cry? Ooh. That's a battle cry? That's your battle cry. One action, you make that silly sound. No, no, no, no, no, no. So the guy swinging from the chains that we haven't messed with yet is exactly 30 feet away from me, which is in range for me to be able to demoralize him if I want.

So that's what I want to try to do. to demoralize him if I want, so that's what I want to try to do. I want to see maybe his other friend that's hanging from the chains has his eyes burned out, so I'm like, you're next, you chain-swinging scallywag. Nobody talks to me like that!

He shrivels in fear. There's a child here, please. So I roll my Intimidate against your Will DC, and let me just get my Will DC ready. Big math. That's a 31. Whoa! Is that a fail or a crit fail?

That is a regular success. Oh, it is? Well, you're Frightened 1. Oh, wait, no. If I succeed, you're Frightened 1. Oh, it is? Well, you're frightened one. Oh, wait, no. If I succeed, you're frightened one. Ah, no! Oh. Why did you say that horrible thing to me?

So, wait. Your will DC is 31? No, you got it. No, you rolled higher than my will DC. Oh, regular, regular success. Regular success. I win. Yeah, you win.

Yes. Okay. You won. Your frightened one. I think I messed this up in Chicago. Yeah. You started saying the opposite. I used bad terminology, and it just threw everything off the rails.

It's infected this table. Yeah, this table. Yeah, it's a proximity effect. Keep it away from me and Joe, who are perfect. Yeah, you guys are perfect over there. Don't come over here. The nice thing about this side is rules accuracy. No.

Yeah, no question. With our brains combined, we make one person. That's right. That's right. Between you, you share one brain. That is for sure. Rules accuracy and math accuracy. That's right.

Up top. Down low. We're the best of the biz. All right. Do you have anything else, Eris? Um, yeah So that was one action With my other two actions

On that one that I frightened I want to cast Agonizing Despair Oh, yes That sounds so good Please make a Will save A will save, huh?

Yeah Alright, I rolled a Shit Wow, you're ice cold, dude Ice cold all week A will save, huh? Yeah. All right. I rolled a 10. Wow. You're ice cold, dude. Ice cold all week. 19. Oh!

That's a crit fail. Yeah! Exactly a crit fail. You're as cold as ice. You're willing. So you take double damage, and now you're frightened three. Oh! All right. here we go.

Son of a penis. 26 points of damage. Wow. And you're frightened three. You should just run away. Why can't you just admit when you're dead? Dude, when that happened, like, your mind just tumbles down this deep well of dread, like, so deep that it's painful for you.

Why? Why? No one has ever talked to me like that. I called you a scallywag and you were like, no! My father was a scallywag. He left when I was a child and you reminded me of him. All right, it's Ethel's turn.

Try and take it in under 17 minutes. Okay, Ethel's sight returns to him. Yes. Yes. All right, so when last we left Ethel... When last we left Ethel... When last we left Ethel... When last we left Ethel,

he had leapt from the catwalk onto the chain, so his momentum was carrying him forward towards this guy. What I would like to do is try to... I'm going to release the chain and try to grapple this other guy. Whoa! Ooh! Ooh, showing off with athletics.

All right. So yeah, I'm going to basically... Instead of grabbing the chain, I'm going to try to grab the guy and maybe my weight will drag him off. Pretty wild thing to do with no bottle caps. I've got one. Did you not? You can't just, like, wade into my sheet and remove bottle caps.

I just did. It's still there. Okay, so this is going to be an athletics check against your 400 DC. Okay. And I do have a free hand this time, because I left my hatchet behind. If you fail... Oh, right. You will fall.

Yes. To your death. Five feet? I mean, it's like, what is it? It's 20 feet. 20 feet. It's 20 feet? Yeah, it's more than 20 feet. Oh yeah, because I was like, why'd your little guy jump down there with no problem? 20 feet. And remember, my wall does nothing. My meat wall. This is bullshit. My meat wall's huge. I'm back to being mad.

Yeah, Kate. Roll your damn check. Oh, no. He got him. I would like to turn in my bottle cap. Let's dissect this bottle cap for a second. When did you get this cap?

Your first show back was Boston. Don't you hide. We need to keep receipts for these? I don't need to show receipts. I'm showing receipts. Your first show back was Boston. Any caps that weren't used in Boston, reset.

The next show was Chicago. You can't retroactively reset my bottle caps. Let me finish. You went to Chicago with one cap, and that cap carries over because the combat has carried over. If you want to use that bottle cap, you use it. But I hope you choke on it. I'm going to use the bottle cap.

Okay. That's going to be a 36. Against what? My Fortitude DC? Fortitude DC. That's a critical success Critical threat, critical threat, critical Critical, critical threat Let it be known After today, no more bottle caps for the rest of the year

I'm giving them to my real children You are now restrained You have the flat-footed and the immobilized conditions I'm giving it to my real children. You are now restrained. You have the flat-footed and the immobilized conditions, and you can't use any actions without the attack or manipulate traits except to attempt to escape or force open your bonds. Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God.

First action. Second action, I would like to... I mean, didn't you fly over to that guy? Yeah. Okay. Well, I wasn't moving. I'm the chain is moving. Yeah, that's cool.

Cool that you can sleep with yourself by giving yourself free actions and free caps. I'm going to issue a Dazing Blow, which is I have a creature grabbed. Okay. In this case, Restraint. And I pummel him, hoping to stagger them. So I make a melee strike against the creature you have grabbed.

It will take the map. And then the weapon damages bludgeoning damage, and then you have to attempt a fortitude save against your class DC, my class DC, and... Yeah. It's so funny, because you said keep it under 17 minutes. And we're at, like, 15. Here we are.

Bet. That is going to be a 33 to hit. That's a hit. Yeah. Okay, so you're going to take some damage. All right, so that's 19 physical or 19 bludgeoning. Okay. And six cold.

Yes. And then you make a fortitude save. And six cold. Yes. You're in brace. It's so cold. Make a fortitude save. Is this your sixth action? This is all part of the same action. It's got to be a fail. I mean, I'm just 23.

That is a fail. You are stunned two. Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. And then with my third action, I would like to do this. I'm like holding the guy wrapped around around and we're swinging from this chain. I would like to go.

Try and pull him off the chain? Yeah. I mean, he's stunned. I'll roll whatever. Yeah. All right. Roll athletics. Okay.

Do you want me to take the map? The double map? Yeah. This would be an attack. I'm giving this action the attack trait. It's probably going to fail with a 19. 19, yeah, we'll say you both slide a little bit down the chain. But he knows what's coming.

He knows what's coming. So you're stunned, or he's stunned too. All right, well, it is the other one's turn. The one that is demoralized over here. What is he? Frightened three? Frightened three. All right.

He sees his friend. His friend is a lost cause. Oh, wow. Cutting and running. I like to imagine Ethel's face is buried in the guy's stomach. I'm just kind of holding him around his waist. You're giving him a like... You son of a bitch!

Summon his hermits! Get in there! Who's a big boy? You're trying to tickle him off the chain. Now I imagine the guy's like cackling, laughing because you're tickling him. He's like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop it.

Yeah, that's the form his stunned is taking. Stop, stop. My weakness. So you were saying his friend hopes he dies. Yeah. And then what does he do? All right, so he's going to swing the chain over and attempt to touch you, Ethel. Moi?

Yeah, do you want to take an attack of opportunity and fall into the water? Or do you want to continue holding this? Was it 10-foot-long chains? I continue going... All right, give me a fortitude save. 35? I like the way you said that.

35. 35. All right, so that is going to be... You're going to take nine points of damage. Is that because I rolled a success? Yes, it's because you rolled a success. Because of my juggernaut ability, that's considered a critical success. Boom!

Just keep laughing. He's so mad. It's so fun killing your characters. Are you enjoying your fun? Because it's her turn now. Yeah. You can feel that pendulum swinging the other way. What you gonna do, Suki?

All right, so Suki, if we remember, has these dark storm clouds up in this area, in a 20-foot area, and they're still going, and she is going to sustain that spell, lightning storm, and she's going to cast out with her hand another lightning bolt on, let's just say, the frightened three John. Nice. Nice. Really nice.

Nice use of the word John. Thanks. Thank you. Approval from Joe. Oh my god. Alright, so I meant that in a good way. You need to make a reflex. Basic reflex save. Basic reflex save.

Basic reflex save. You got it, sister. I'm switching dice here. Basic reflex. All right, there's a nat 17. How about a 34? Okay, that, yeah. So that's,

you succeed, you don't critically succeed. Okay. So you'll take half damage. Give me that half damage. Hold on, I'm just gonna do an online roller because it's faster for all these dice.

For so many dice. Oh. So many dice. 40 damage. Oh! What are you talking about? You rolled 80? I rolled my 4d12.

Halved. Halved. Sorry. 20. But that was a high roll. I got a 12 and an 11. That's really good. That's a really good roll. Alright. Sorry. I got very excited. So that's 20 for you.

So that's one action, sustaining that spell. And she yells out like, Atticus is weird. Something's wrong. Aldo, are you okay? No, I'm fine. Shut up. I'm not talking to you. I'm super clumsy. I need help. Help me, please. How down are you? Very down. I don super clumsy. I need help. Help me, please.

How down are you? Very down. I don't feel good about myself at all, to be frank. Help. I could use a hug and a nice pep talk. Everyone is being so weird. Everyone's being so rude to me.

Aldo, come this way. There are so many hands to have. There are so many hands to have. Don't listen to him. He's super fucked up. I don't know what he's doing. So with one hand, she casts that lightning bolt. With the other hand, she reaches out to Aldo and she's going to cast a

fourth level heal. That is going to be 50 points. Back to you. Holy shoot. Holy shit. And she looks crazy. Her hair is flying like the wind is blowing it, and she's just holding both her arms out, casting spells. Wow.

And then she says, we're going to have to put Atticus down. Dammit. I can't do it this round, but one of you needs to take it. You've got to kill him. One of you. She told me you've got to kill him out. one of you needs to take it. You gotta kill him. She told me you gotta kill him. One of you must do this.

One of you must do this. And that's my turn, and then Pepsi slithers in for no reason. Put him on the map! And you're sure it's 50 points of healing? Yes. Okay. Dude, fourth level. Guaranteed you did that correct. Fourth level, I get a plus 32, and it's 4d8. Okay. Yep. Dude, fourth level. Guaranteed you did that correct. Fourth level.

I get a plus 32, and it's 4d8. Okay. Wow. Yeah. That brings me back up to full, so thank you. Yeah. Well, the thing is. Oh, I feel like $100 a dose.

Not a cleric. I can't cure your poison, but I can at least keep you up, so. All right. It is Atticus's turn. Atticus, you're standing at the end of this plank. There's a ladder that leads down. You can see, not only does it lead directly into the pit, but it leads to like a ledge that kind of goes around the pit.

So it's not like you have to go straight in. You could, if you wanted to climb down, get to the floor of the chamber. What do you want to do? Hands grasping. He hears Suki say, we have to put Atticus down. And seeing these hands,

like, shakes it off, snaps out of it. What am I doing? Darren, put me down. He's gonna turn eyes wild back to the battlefield, see the just

wild fight going on below him, and is going to move back along, stumbling along the catwalk until he's kind of just over this Darrow that shot a hand crossbow at him, but Atticus may not even know that the guy shot one at him.

It's just the closest enemy combatant that he sees. Yeah. And he just looks and leans over this guy, and is just going to pull a projectile from one of these chains, basically, and just and smash the dude's face with it. It's like an old Apple keyboard. Yes.

Sure. An old Apple keyboard. So this projectile comes flying at the dude's head. That is a 26 to hit. 26, I believe is a miss. I believe it would be two. So, and it just misses him. Shatters.

Letters everywhere. Yes. And that's your turn. That is my turn. All right. It is the restrained Darrow's turn. Can I cast spells while I'm restrained? I can tell you this because I just looked it up.

No. Can't use. Because it uses the manipulator. I can't make gestures, right? You can, basically you can attempt to escape. I bet you if I had a spell that only had a verbal jaw on it, I could do it. Sure. But like three of those exist in this dumb game. Want to do feather fall?

Might not be the worst thing in the world. Alright, so this is horrible Elsa, you're stunned too So you lose two actions, you have one action One action, yes, I can't do a whole lot And after this you're stunned, nothing Even if I had a verbal spell

I wouldn't have the action Okay Free action, he pees himself And you feel it Is that his stomach? Yeah and you feel it. Ha! Is that his stomach? Yeah. He was pointing up and he beat all of his stomach.

Yeah, it's in his waist. It's tucked into his waistband and it's pointing up. He had an erection and he was pointing up. This guy is sweaty, you say to yourself. It's spraying everywhere.

Sweaty and salty. All right, he... What am I going to do here? It's a spell caster. I'm going to attempt to escape your grasp. Great. Good luck. Godspeed.

28. Fail. He pees a little more. It is round 17 I'm having a great time it is the guy in the water keyboard just flew past his head he is going to

fire another crossbow bolt actually yeah I'm gonna fire at Atticus because they seem to be the ones that are fighting here you're in the fight and his ally Atticus because they seem to be the ones that are fighting here. You're in the fight. And his ally did just say they had to put him down. That's true as well. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to

my own people. Don't shoot him. I'd like to pitch. I'd like to pitch you. Okay. You don't like it? Just say no. Okay. 20 feet higher on this catwalk, I think he gets a little cover. Soft cub.

Soft cub? He's at an advantageous position from a ranged attack. Give yourself plus one, T. Ray C. You got it, buddy. 39 to hit. Son of a P. That is a critical hit. You must have rolled some rocks.

Natty 18. Yeah. And I knew by giving you... Good for you. You crit the wizard. Wow. Wow. Such a big man.

Look at the big man over here. Oh, yeah. Strutting around campus. I like this new tactic. What are you going to do? Wow. Such a big man. Look at the big man over here. Strutting around campus. I like this new tactic. What are you going to do? Hit the wizard? What are you going to do? Stab me?

You only take nine points of piercing damage, but I need a fortitude save. Was that double Dimaggio? Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. So 18 points of damage. And a fortitude. A save.

Fortitude. And he reloaded, so this is his second action. Yeah, same poison that is coursing through Aldo's vein. Come on. Come on. Do you want to use it on my guy? Who said that? Come on. Come on. Do you want to use the Monday? I won, Dane. Who said that? Come on.

Now, do. I laugh in your face, sir. 35. That is a critical success. Yeah! Oh, hell yeah. Woo! Game, win, Joe!

Game, win, Joe! Game, win, Joe! Gateway Joe! Gateway Joe! Gateway Joe! Gateway Joe! Gateway Joe! I approve. Gateway Joe! Love it. Wow.

Gateway Joe. I was wondering, I didn't know, if they do anything on St. Louis Joe. It's kind of weird. It's perfect. I love that Gateway today. Maybe it's just too much martini. It's cool. It looks like an alien built it.

It does. If you're standing like right at the bottom of the column. Also, if you get right, like your chest right up against it and look up, it looks like a Mario Kart level. Yeah. Like I felt like I could just be like... Is that what you did? Is that what you did?

You walked up to the monument and put your chest on it? I'm telling you, Kate, tomorrow, if you get a chance before your flight, just... All right. Why don't we all go do it tonight when we get back to the hotel? We should do it tonight. At 2 a.m.

But how will we... how will we find it? It's not lit up. It's not lit up at night. How will we find it? I'll use my flashlight. It's not there at night. No one can find it. I'm going to leave in 10 minutes and go to the airport.

You actually are. You're almost late for your flight. I know. She goes to. I hate you guys. With his last action, he moves through the water here and goes over the ladder to start climbing up. I'm sorry.

Where did he go? Did he go up in the map? Oh, by the hole. He's by the hole? Yeah, he's by the hole. Ah, there he is. Aldo's turn. He's on the bottom rung of that ladder.

That's so embarrassing. Aldo, like all his wounds were healed by Sookie. He's just like, oh, but he's still affected by this poison, but all his wounds are gone. He says, oh, I feel great.

Oh, I feel like a wombat on the wombat's day. And, um... He's not okay. Is it wombat's day already? They've got their own holiday. Okay, he's going to throw And, um... He's not okay. Is it Wombat's day already? I'm going around all night. Okay, he's going to throw a... Another...

He's going to throw a lightning, bottled lightning, at the guy further to the right of the one that Ethel has grabbed. The frightened fellow. Mr. Frightening! You scaredy cat, you afraid of a few lightning bombs, are you? Yes.

All right. Well, that's a 27 to hit, mate. That's a hit. Nice. All right. That is a total grains. Total of, I need to do more prep work.

That is a grand total of 17 points of damage. He is now flat-footed. How many points of damage? What did I say? 17. 17. He's dead. 17 points dead.

Yeah! He's like, no, no. I told my wife I'd be back home later. And he falls. He falls to the water and just starts slinking back, slinking back, slinking back. No, my loot. And then he goes down the hole. Okay.

Fuck. And then he's going to shake his little tush on the catwalk. Whoa. Yeah. Where? Up to Atticus. And he's just like, no, my friend, don't do anything that that guy told you to do. I'm snapped out of it.

Kill him! Don't shoot him. I'm fine. I'm fine now. I'm sorry, my friend. And I'm going to grapple him. Oh, sorry. I thought you were being weird. No, I'm fine. I'm sorry, my friend. And I'm going to grapple him. I'm sorry. I thought you were being weird.

No, no, no. I'm okay now. I'm okay now. Tackle him. I'm okay now. Natural 20. Oh, my God. Aldo grabs you with all of his might.

You're not going anywhere. The other one's coming up the ladder. The other one's coming up the ladder. No. Shh. Shh. The other one's coming up the ladder! The other one's coming up the ladder! No! Shh! Shh! The other one's coming up the ladder! Stop moving! Go to sleep! It's been so long since I've been held.

He starts choking you. Alright, so you hold this wet rat and it is Eris's turn. Okay, listen. I thought of something really cool to do and I'm going to try to do it. So I have, what did you give me? Your battle axe?

My hatchet. Your hatchet? I cast telekinetic projectile on the hatchet. Oh. Oh, no. And try to throw it at the guy. Oh, no. At Atticus. At Atticus.

No, at the guy that Ethel's trying to bring down. And it's risky because Ethel's holding him. Oh, my God. It's true. But it's really cool. It is cool. Very cool. It's also risky because you could permanently

lose his weapon knowing you're GM. No. But I think you should do it. I think you should do it. No. Here's what I'll say. If it hits him, it will bury in him, and there's a chance he could get it back.

If it misses, it lands in the water, and we just saw what that body did. It's a heavy hatchet. I don't think it would float away. I'm talking to Kate. I'm up in hell. Six people. I understand that.

Yeah, if you hit it, it will bury the hatchet in his chest. If you critically fail, I'm going to say it hits Ethel. I really think, I really feel good about this. Oh, boy. Yeah. She has a good feeling. Let her cook. Do it.

Do it. I had such a good day today. Yes. Yeah. She's been weird since she went to that museum. Yeah. All right, so the hatchet is on your person. You've got to say first action, and you've got to draw the hatchet.

No, I'm holding it. She's in magic. Are you already holding it? Yeah. It's also a telekinetic projectile. It's also a telekinetic projectile. I don't need to hold it. Thinking the hatchet over to the...

I don't need to hold it. It's telekinetic. That's how telekinesis works. It literally means you're moving it with your mind. Have you ever seen Carrie? I don't even need to defend myself. I've got you guys. It feels so good. Throw your hatchet with your mind. Throw you ever seen Carrie? I don't even need to defend myself. I've got you guys. It feels so good. Throw your hatchet with your mind.

Throw your mind hatchet. Oh, no. 25 to hit. He's grabbed. He's grabbed. He's got a lot of buffs. Otherwise, I would use my bottle cap. He's stunned and he's grabbed. Do you think I should use my bottle cap? No. No. I feel like I'm good.

Too late. Too late. Grabbed. Hold on. I'm looking up here. Grabbed gives a minus seven to AC. That's not true. It's true.

Oh, it's minus 10. I just looked it up. Minus two to AC. I think it's... He's not grabbed. He's restrained. Right. So it's 17.

It's minus two to AC. Stun doesn't... That's not true. And he's stunned, so he's stupid. Not true, madam. She's stupid. All right. What'd you roll?

26. You just said 25 a second ago. No, she missed that. Oh, she said 25. His AC... Why did you ask? Why did you ask if you knew what she said? I just wanted to see if she was a liar.

His AC... I'm not a liar. I'm a dumb girl. While restrained... liar. His AC. I'm not a liar. I'm a dumb girl. While restrained. No. Is 25. Yeah! Why is that cue up Mbop?

Because Kate's favorite song of all time. I know she likes that song. part of the Mbop video where they mind throw a hatchet. Check out that guy's Twitter. He's got some cool ideas. No, no, no. So she magically chucks the hatchet at this guy,

hits him. It's so cool. That's 5d6 plus 5, which is a total of 22 points of damage. Okay. Bam! And then with her final action, she wants to yell out

and cast a little bit of guidance on Ethel and be like, you gotta do the raspberries, how you, you know, you do them to me. You'll get them, I trust you. Whoa! I mean, I mean... I mean, you got it.

In response, the hatchet flies back into your hand. It's a returning hatchet. Oh! That's ridiculous, but amazing. It's amazing, yeah. Ethel, it's your turn. You have urine on your lips.

Oh, I love how you just let this play out like the hatchet was going to be lost, too. Yeah. Aw. It's fun. If I was giving out bottle caps, I might give you one. I'm working so hard to do...

Come on. No bottle caps until 2025. Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! Bottle cap! I didn't bring any. You're being a real Grinch, Troy.

2025. Patriarchy, exactly. Yeah, it's a patriarchy. He's still restrained until the end of my turn. First action, I'm going to do another Dazing Blow with the Warhammer. Dazing Blow, huh? That's a 39 to hit. There you go.

That's a critical hit. Yeah! You dazing blow the shit out of that guy. Critical threat, critical critical, critical threat! It has been established that he was pointing up out of his waistband. And you critically succeed on a dazing blow.

Oh, he's dazed. He also takes 40 points of bludgeoning damage and 6 points of cold. Oh my god. He dies in your arms. Oh, I just died in your arms tonight.

Must have been something you said. Should have walked away. Hold on. Should have walked away. Ethel is not holding on to the chain. He was holding on to the guy. Okay, so you let him fall? I fall with him.

Oh! Snap, crackle. I'm assuming he doesn't hold on to the chain as he's dead. No, he lets go, and the both of you fall. But he did cast Feather Fall. He did cast Feather Fall. Established. One verbal action.

The one spell he could cast. All right, a couple things are going to happen. You're going to take ten points of bludgeoning damage. Will I? Yes. Because of my cat fall feat. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Dude just makes up feats.

He just makes up feats. I treat this fall as 10 feet shorter. Wow. Leave it to you to be 10 feet shorter. I'm too sexy for my love. I'm too sexy for my love. You got everything over there. I'm a fighter.

All right, so 10 feet shorter. All right, so ten feet shorter, you're going to take five points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. But you're going to land prone unless your cat thing makes you land on, like, a cat. It makes you land on a cat every time. Yes, you land on a cat. Luckily, that cat in the water broke your fall.

That furious, wet cat. It starts clawing you. Can I roll acrobatics or athletics to try to land on my feet? How many actions do you have left? Two. You get a plus one to that, too. DC 70. A lot of water.

Is it acrobatics or athletics? Acrobatics. You're trying to do something cool. I rolled terribly. That's a 20. Dirty 20. Yeah, I'm going to do something cool I rolled terribly That's a 20, dirty 20 Yeah, I'm going to say you fall prone Of course you do Splash You only take 5 points of damage

But you are laying prone in the water In some sludge Now, what do you have, one action left? Yep What do you want to do? Stand up I don't want want to do? Stand up. I don't want you to do that.

Oh, all right. Well, let me reconsider this. No, I stand up. That worked. Let's compromise. Let's have a Missouri compromise. I could have insisted on a reflex save to grab the chain, but I was trying to play it cool.

Yeah, you're very, very cool, Matthew. That's what everybody always says. That's what everyone says about me. That's what all my middle school, let's call them classmates, said about me. Friends. Thank you. This is what I was looking for.

All right, here's what I need. You land in that water prone. I actually, instead of standing up, I'll let you stand up. Maybe. I need an athletics check because the rushing water is starting to push you towards the pit. Whoa. I was stalling because I was looking for the thing here in the john. So athletics check.

I have the DC here to try and swim against the code. Terrible roll. 26. You're fine. So that is a critical success. All right. So you can, there's not a critical success.

Oh, cause it is. You're cheating ways. All right. So you stand up. I hate this game. And all right, so that's Ethel. There is what?

One enemy left, but that dude's dead. So it goes right so that's Ethel. There is, what, one enemy left, but that dude's dead, so it goes right to Suki's turn. Suki, that guy is climbing up the ladder near the pit. What do you do? Suki is going to move up past Atticus and slap him on the way

just to make sure he's okay. Hit him! Are you yourself again? Yes. Yeah, you sound like Atticus. Just to make sure he's okay. Hit him! Are you yourself again? Are you yourself again? Yes. Yeah, you sound like Atticus. Okay, that's fine. That's what someone who is mind-controlled would say!

Continues to choke you. I don't know if you all know this, but Joe's favorite thing in the world about role-playing games is PvP. Yeah, he loves it. He loves it. All right, so what do you do, Suge? Can I see the guy? Is he up at, like, can I, like, see his little head poking out?

No, he's, like, down at the bottom of that ladder. You should just climb down there and fight him. Unless you're afraid. You know what? No, sorry. Then I'm not going to do, I'm going to delay. I'm not going to move. I'm just going to delay.

Just going to delay. Okay. Then it would be Atticus's turn. Atticus, you are subdued by Aldo. Aldo, thank you so much. But he's coming around the side. He'll also delay. Okay.

Yeah, wait till we see this guy again. Yeah. Maybe he'll fall. I don't know. It is that guy's turn. Okay. Yeah, wait till we see this guy again. Yeah, maybe he'll fall. I don't know. It is that guy's turn. He sees his friends fall, and he just slides down the ladder

into the pits. Whoa. Sneaky, sneaky. Holy shit. And I'm going to say you're out of combat. Yeah, we did it! We did it, Shane Lewis! Yeah!

You've done it. You've won the adventure. And just now! Do you all still have Atticus? I can snap him out of it. And Ethel comes up with his hammer. Hit him.

Hit him as hard as you can. Ethel, I want you to show me what you do here. Oh, yeah. Oh. Okay. How low do the chains extend? You'd have to jump

pretty high. They're 20 feet above you. Wait. The catwalk is 20 feet above me. Yeah, and the bottom of the chain is level with the catwalk. Okay. The catwalk is 20 feet above me. Yeah, and the bottom of the chain is level with the catwalk. Okay. It's going to leave me. I have a feeling where this is going.

So Ethel is going to move up to the ladder. Okay, show me how you move there. Step by step. And I'm going to go from this step. I'm going to reach over and kind of step forward and grab the ladder and swing myself around. I'm going to reach over and kind of step forward and grab the ladder and swing myself around. Okay, do you walk along a straight line from where you were just standing to the edge and then turn around? I kind of go, I step here, grab the ladder, and swing up onto it.

Along what? Okay. What are you walking along? Like, did you walk? From your original space. What's every square you cross? Show me every space. Something terrible is going to happen. Yeah, too many people are talking at once, so just do what you're going to do.

Okay, no, nothing happened. You're fine. You get it. Yeah, I come up to menace Atticus with the hammer. Prove it to us. Prove you're not mind-controlled. Say something only Atticus would say. Do it! Your wife doesn't love you.

Die. Die. I let him go instantly. I let him go instantly. I let him go. I lower my hand. Atticus, Ethel just sits down cross-legged on the ground.

I'm, Ethel, I, I am sorry. I am. Eris walks up behind you. It just sort of, it just sort of came out. Slaps you.

Oh. Me or Atticus? Eris walks up behind Atticus and slaps him. Spawn! Oh, sorry. Are you in your right mind yet? Yes, I said as much.

Okay. Just making sure. I push him real hard. He falls into the water. No! These athletics checks will not go as well. Take 20

points of damage. What was wrong with you? I don't know. They said that there was something below. Something that would help us. And for a moment, I don't know, I believed it. You said you saw hands. What were you talking about?

Dozens of them, hands grasping from below. It's obviously something horrible happened to someone or someones. But I don't know. There very well may be answers down there to our questions. But I don't know. There very well may be answers down there to our questions. There is some dark secret down there and perhaps it is a secret we need. The ladder goes down to a platform. The platform rings the hole. There is a chance we could go down the ladder and simply stand and observe. It is not such a great commitment to simply go down the ladder and look.

But it does seem that some horrible thing has happened here. I'd also like to point out, now that you're out of combat, there is a passageway here to the south. You guys came in through this little hole in the wall over Shma. But over Shmi is a little passageway leading to the south. Let's do that first. There's no grasping hands in a pit of darkness over in this direction.

You're probably right. Can we also do a perception on the room? Oh yeah. Yes. Notice anything else? 29 for Ethel. 29. 28 for Suki. Pretty good. Suki, 28.

26 for Atticus. Very good. 34 for Eldar. What is your perception? I say Eldar. Are you an expert, master, legend? I'm an expert. Expert, okay.

And what about anybody else? 20. 20. You guys don't see anything important. I also, can we do some healing? I'm down about 89 hit points. There's no time. I can treat wounds on you if we have time,

but we may not. What about my poison? What about the poison? Thank you for asking. Give me a save, Aldo. If you save, you'll be fine. I'm going to attempt to aid him on this. Okay, that's fine.

Can I? Trained in medicine. I'm a master in medicine. Oh, treat poison. Yeah, that's what I was looking for. Treat poison. And I believe it's going to be against the poisons DC, I would think. Wait, wait.

Isn't A just DC 20? Aldo, you're not looking well. No, not for treat, I believe. Medicine check against the poisons DC. After you attempt to treat poison for a creature, you can't try again until after the next time the creature attempts to check against the poison's DC. After you attempt to treat poison for a creature, you can't try again until after the next time the creature attempts to save against the poison. I got a success, I believe.

Well, that's a 31. That's a regular success, right? Success, yeah. A plus 2. So I'll give him a plus 2 as to your fortitude save. Aldo, what? That is a 29. You're alright. Yeah! Thank you, Joe and

Norse Foundry. Thank you for the reminder for all your random number generating needs. You're alright, LaRusso. You guys are out of combat. You're a little beat up. Healing, please. Do you want me to treat wounds on you? Healing. Yeah, I'm 89 points down. Is anybody else down? I'm a little down. I'm a little beat up. Healing, please. Do you want me to treat wounds on you? Healing. Yeah, I'm 89 points down.

Is anybody else down? I'm a little down. I'm a little depressed. No. Stop drinking. From that fight. I'm just wondering also, like, do we need to rest spell-wise? Why did I come? Or no? I mean, I am running out of spells, but it seems

not great to sleep in this weird water. Well, I might have something I can whip up. A place that might be safe for us to relax in for a while. Really? What? Yeah. Cozy cabin.

What? So I can create a safe space for us to hang out in for like 12 hours, if that helps. Or if we want to wait and do that. This is a real spell. Cozy cabin. Yeah, I can shape a cabin 20 feet on each side and 10 feet high.

What a dumb name. Advanced Player's Guide, page 217. That is third party. I cast Cozy Candace. And everything is fine. It has the structure trait. It sure does. But yeah, it's like a simple hut.

It has cots, a small fireplace. We can cook in there if we want. A chamber pot. Relax. It withstands itself in hostile weather conditions and cold and stuff like that. So I can cast it over the water because I'm assuming it's like

a chicken feet hut. My immersion is gone. The fact that you can just cast a sweet cabin in the middle of this. It's a simple cabin. It's a simple cabin. And we can't leave it or the spell will end. As long as we're inside though. Yes. We can be inside for 12 hours. It's a simple cabin. And we can't leave it or the spell will end. As long as we're inside, though.

Yes. We can be inside for 12 hours. I mean, this is great. The question is, do we need it? Do you need it now? Well, quick, this is also a concept that goes back to, again, original Dungeons & Dragons. Yeah. Warden Kanan's Magnificent Mansion was a very similar kind of spell.

Yeah. It's like you create this extra dimensional space where you can rest. And now it's like the hut. Leman's tiny hut is also Yeah, that too. I love a cozy cabin and I'll never say no. Also Ethel, and I touch you on the head.

You have 39 more hit points. Thank you. I could use a bunch more of that. Okay, you just have to wait 10 more minutes so I can do it again. I can also do it to myself. I can do it to you again. I could use a bunch more of that. Okay, you just have to wait ten more minutes so I can do it again. I can do it to you again. I'll do it again. No, it doesn't matter, I think. I think. What?

I think he's immune to it until you do it again anyway, because it's only ten minutes. Ten minutes. I have the ten minute, I have the continual. She's more effective than you are. Alright, so cozy cabin, hit points, what do you guys want to do? Well, the question is, do you guys need the rest for spells?

Is now the time to do it? I mean, I could definitely... I am down many spells. Like maybe the next room is fine. Maybe it's not. That's what I'm saying. I'm all for opening the stained glass window and seeing what happens.

This is a third level spell. I can cast it and then, you know, we'll be good. I don't need it. Okay. But happy to do it. Aldo, bombs, like are you good? I could use the bomb. I could definitely use... This guy's sick of all this healing talk. I know. He's just leaving. I could use the

rest, but I think like the time factor is also another thing. It's just like if we allow 12 hours to elapse in this world, what would happen? What happens? Right, right, right. I say yes. I say no.

I say yes. You don't have votes. You get a vote, Kate. You should vote. Yeah. And you guys vote. I'll be the tiebreaker. You've got thumbs up, thumbs down.

I give thumbs up. Thumbs down. And then Ethel give thumbs up. Thumbs down. And then Ethel, thumbs down. Thumbs down. Alright. What the fuck? Why did you just say no there?

Well, John, there's probably only one more room. I do like the cabin idea. I like to sit in front of it. I want to sit in the cabin, but it's like... I've got it in my back pocket

in case we ever need it. Suki had started Can we just go there when we're not exploring a dangerous dungeon, too? I think the six of us should get a cabin. That would be fun.

Oh, we should. Wait, what? Everybody shut up. Matthew, continue. I was just saying I like a cabin. I like to sit there in front of the fire

and sometimes ponder my deficiencies as a human being. My cabin comes with a fire. Can we just keep that in our back pockets for later? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Totally keep that in my back pockets. Is there like a...

Are they like warm furs? I mean, it's simple. We can maybe whittle something to make it more cozy. Generally in warm cabins, I like to make it more cozy generally in warm cabins I like to warm up by uh cozying myself up

in some warm furs I smell sex and can't leave me here alright let's

let's go to the door to the south stop it I no longer want to go to the cabin I wrote the same I don't want to go to your filthy cabin

I don't want to go to your sex cabin I don't want to go to your filthy cabin. I want to go to your sex cabin. I don't want to go to your sex cabin. It's weird. Third level sex cabin. Your third level sex cabin. Thank you. I needed a title. I open the door. There's a swing. What's that for?

Seems odd. It's in the living room. Do you have children? I didn't know you had two drinks Why do you think he's so good with chains? Is all I'm saying Oh man 39 more hit points I rolled the same amount

The door to the south The door to the south Alright move your Fucking pawns to the tunnel there I can't Southern doll Bring Pepsi over Pepsi come I'll move Pepsi in a second fucking pawns to the tunnel there. I can't. Bring Pepsi over.

Pepsi, come. I'll move Pepsi in a second. Ethel, you get to the door leading to the south. What do you do? Listen. Natural two. Shit. You hear carnival music. Really, though? Wow. Okay, we cannot go in there.

The pit it is. Flashback. Ethel's a child trying to get on the carnival rides. Cotton candy, get your cotton candy. I change my mind. I don't want to go down this road. Hello, little boy. You're too short to ride this ride.

I just realized I'd be asking you to roleplay a carny and I don't want to go down that road. Ethel opens the door. Terrifying. Open the door and you see a chamber. This chamber is boat shaped.

Filthy water seeps from between the stones of this large chamber. The dripping water and trickling streams echo off the stone walls. It seems empty. To the west is a door that looks similar to the door upstairs where you took the elevator down to the laboratory where you fought the alchemical golem and the ochre jelly. But you didn't see that the elevator went any further down. It looked like it just went from one floor to the next,

but you see a very similar elevator door. There's just moist dampness all around this chamber. Moss growing off the walls and moss that looks like it's been eaten recently or scraped perhaps. And there are envelopes and papers lying about on the floor.

What do you do? Perception check. Okay, that's better. 32. Room seems to be empty, except for these envelopes. Can I do a perception on the,

what looks like eaten moss? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, do we walk into the room? Are we in the room? Yeah, are we walking in? You're not getting in the room? Yeah, are we walking in? You're not getting in that room. Yeah, I mean...

I'm afraid of that water. Let's go. You're what? Afraid of the water. Did you just say you're afraid of water? I send... Do you have rabies? I send...

Well, if we're not walking in... If we're not walking in, I send an egg. Oh. Egg flies in, and I can... It can fly now? Yes, it can fly. Yeah, it can fly. You sound dumb.

God. Do you know how stupid you sound asking that question? I forgot your puppet can fly. A poppet, not a puppet. I know what I said. All right, so you all walk in the room and spread out.

Walk. Move your pawns. That's not what we just said. All right, look. Send in the poppet. Does anything happen? Send in the poppet. Does anything happen? Send in the clowns. Isn't it rich?

All right, so send in the poppet. Send in the poppet. Does anything happen? Can you see through its eyes? Yeah, I do have a trait to which I can see through it. Okay. Do you hear at last on the ground? Stop it.

You in it air. They don't have theater in St. Louis. They're not gonna get these references back. It's clearly more of a theater crowd than a sports crowd. The sports joke got silence. The theater joke is like

How dare you! Torches and pitchforks. What are you doing? Yeah, so she sends Egg in, and Eris kind of goes blank face, her eyes roll back, because she's sharing senses with Egg now. Okay.

Oh yeah, I know when this happens. Slowly flies... So weird. So kinky and weird. Don't worry, it's normal. Neverinky and weird. Don't worry. It's normal. Never let my kids. Don't worry, everybody. Egg slowly flies in. And yeah, I can sense through

Egg's body for one minute any sensory information. Okay. You're looking at this stuff on the walls. You see tracks all over the floor and it looks like there's humanoid tracks, and also tracks of, like, large beasts that leave, like,

grooves in the ground. Perhaps serpentine-like beasts. And if you examine the moss, it definitely looks like it is not scraped, but it was eaten, because there's little chunks on the floor as well. What do the papers say? Atticus, I think Atticus is,

oh, let's just do it. We got a cozy cabin in our future. Atticus is going to come up like, actually, he's kind of fine where he is. He's going to say, Aldo, Pepsi, get closer. I will do a simple illusion, a stage trick.

Make sure that no one sees us, but stay close. Stay very, very close to me. And he will cast a spell, a trick from his days on stage, invisvisibility Sphere. Ooh. So everyone

will become invisible as long as you're within ten feet of Atticus. Okay. And he'll be like, move very carefully, very quietly, together. You will not be able to be seen, however your footsteps will make sounds just as normal, so move carefully. I've moved

you into the room. And we only have this for ten minutes, so be effective. You're in the room. You're all invisible. What do you do? Let's inspect the envelopes. Yeah, perception. You can just pick them up and start looking at them.

Again, you're in this room now, and you don't see anything. You see traces of beings that were here recently. Beans? Beans. There's beans all over the floor? Beans? Beans?

I'd like to do... Beans? I'd like to do a knowledge check on the tracks themselves to see if I can identify the creature. Yeah, sure. That would have made these. Can I do a nature alongside that? Yeah.

What would I do? Does it matter? I don't care. Arcana, local? I rolled a net. Or society? I rolled a net. 20.

Yeah! Okay. I have to turn this off. It's very annoying. The footsteps of the humanoid creatures look consistent with the Daros. They're small feet. Ah, okay.

The other creatures, it looks like it is some sort of like maybe centipede-like creature. Ooh, gross. I did roll a 43 total. So centipede, nothing else? You wouldn't know the exact name of a creature just by looking at its tracks.

Okay. That's literally exactly what you would know. What if you had wilderness lore? I'm not telling you the name of the creature. Oh, look at that. I do have wilderness lore. That's so interesting.

Just look at the fucking envelopes. Okay, I tell them. There are envelopes and papers all over the floor. Open the envelopes. How's that plan for the best show of the year going? We're having a great time. Yeah. Pretty good.

I mean, I'm having a good time. I'm having a great time. Not the show I planned, but here we are. Best day ever. You look at the notes and shit on the floor. There are records and disparate notes that you can try and piece together, but they're ripped, they're torn.

They're not like, oh, this is exactly what this is. But you see consistencies in sort of phrases. I'm sorry. There's no time, Skid. I'm sorry. You see continual mentions of

Corgan beer. Payments being made. Looks like payments being made from Myacne and Mun to someone named Twain. Twain is apparently... Mark Twain? Mark Twain?

What's up? Here's St. Louis. Mark Twain, what's up? Mark Twain! Yeah, good for Here's St. Louis. Mark Twain, what's up? Mark Twain! Yeah. Yeah, good for you, St. Louis. Sorry. Someone named Twain from Corgan Beer. Beer? You're saying beer?

B-I-E-R? Yeah, Corgan Beer, Corgan Buyer, perhaps. Oh, okay, okay. Corgan Beer. Corgan Beer. I thought he was buying beer. I don't know. I'd like a Corgan Beer right now. Shut up. Let me tell you the rest of this. There's some... Hogan beer. Hogan beer. I thought he was buying beer. There's some... I'd like a coogan beer right now.

Shut up. Let me tell you the rest of this. There's some mention about skins being cured and prepared. They're not ready yet. I need more supplies. Skins? Skins. I need more time.

Maybe because he's making the mannequin things, whatever they're like. You know, Ulysses Grant, his father was a tanner. That's right. We learned that today. That's right. And he worked at the tannery. He worked as a tanner for a while. It didn't really take to it. And Ulysses not a fan of being a tanner. No. He wanted to be a president instead.

There's also notes that say, the sooner I have these supplies from you, the faster I can work. That's it. Can I roll a check on Corgan Beer? Sure. Society? Yeah. Wow.

Alright, we move to the next door. I kick them on the ground. They don't matter. Okay. Only a 15 Society. Is it a city? What is it? It sounds like a city. It sounds like a city, but not one that you're familiar with. Maybe I'd be familiar with it, says Aldo. Oh.

The guy from Earth. The guy from Earth. Anyone been to Corgan Beer? It's very, I actually have geography lore. Ah, that's even better. So it's 30. Oh, yeah. And can I just throw in, I happen to get a critical success.

A natural 20. Okay. On a society. All right, so the only two intelligent characters. Not disputing, though. Put their heads together, and you're like, Corgan Beer, Corgan Beer, Corgan Beer, Corgan Beer. That's a city in the Darklands.

Oh. Oh. Oh, shit. Are we going to go there? No way. Oh. Oh. Oh, shit! Are we gonna go there? No way! Oh, shit! We're going to fight lizard folk. Corgan Beer is like a city, not only in the Darklands,

but it's specifically, with these high rolls, you know that it's like a series of maze-like tunnels located directly under Casimir. Oh! The closest part of the Dark Lands to Casimir. Shut your mouth.

This is so awesome. This is sort of the endgame of the game that I was playing in middle school, was going into the Underdark. The Underdark. Yeah, this is awesome. So cool. At the same time, you also know Corganbeer is home to thousands of these Darrow creatures. Yeah.

This is like their society. The city. And they have like enslaved mongrel men. Mongrel men! Mongrel men! Monster Manual 2, once again. Wrath of the Righteous. Wrath of the Righteous.

Wrath of the Righteous 2, yeah. I mean, it's not a place you can really visit, although you would know that some people have dealings there, and it seems like Mun has some sort of relationship. He's brokered some sort of deal with it. Yeah. You don't know what skins cured? Almost ready.

There's money going back and forth. To create his creatures, but skins of what? I mean, think back to the laboratory. There was like a table. Possibly he was, I don't want to say it, but cutting up people? You found books on that alchemy,

which is taboo. The creation of life. Forbidden alchemy. But what is he doing for the Daros, for the society? You don't know. Does the dark... Silence.

We're only invisible for so long. Talking to Troy. And at that moment... Oh. Oh, no. No. You become visible. Dun-dun.

No. And nothing happens. God damn it. You wasted a spell. I did, but that spell is pretty useless. For the record. The water that's coming in, does this mean anything? Like, does Suki have any understanding of the layout that we're in?

Are we, like, just below sea level? When you first came to my acne month's house, this old infirmary, you could see, like, the Blackwood Swamp had overtaken this entire area. Part of the building even looked sunken. So you imagine this is just the trickling from the swamp that overwhelmed this portion of Casimir. Hey, Aris.

Hey, yeah. Can I have that hatchet back? Oh, this? This thing? Here. Oh, thanks. It's pretty cool. Yeah, I know. It's cool, right? Yeah. I mean, this? This thing? Here. Oh, thanks. It's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. No, it's cool, right? Yeah.

All right. I mean, I'll let you hold it later if you want. The hatchet. Not everything is innuendo. That was, though. That was for sure. That might have been. Are you in the hatchet play?

I just wanted to make sure it was sad that I have both my weapons back. Suki whispers to Aldo behind them as they're talking, they need to fuck. I know, it's so exhausted. They need to. Fuck already. I'm sorry. There's a child in the audience. I'm sorry, George. I know. They need to. Ah, cold day. I'm sorry.

There's a child in the audience. I'm sorry, George. I know. Sorry, George. Sidney Marie. Not my name. It's not her name. It's not her name at all.

It sounds like it should be. My Christian name. She's Jewish. Why would her middle name be Marie? That's just like when you're mad at somebody. Like, Sidney Marie. Troy Marie. Joseph Marie. That's just like when you're mad at somebody, but like, Sidney Marie. Troy Marie. Joseph Marie.

Sidney Gale. It doesn't ring as hard, you're right. No. You guys open up the door here to this elevator, and it's just an empty shaft. I feel railroaded. I'm moving things along. Shut your mouth.

It's an empty shaft, and you look up, and you see the bottom of the elevator in the floor above. Yeah. So there must have been some sort of way to maneuver the elevator all the way down to this level, but there is no way to call it from here. So what do you do? You go back up to the laboratory

and move on back to the room that had stairs going up? I think that's a fucking great idea. So let's do this. There is only one way to go. Oh, here's... Oh. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I've blacked out. So let's do There is only one way to go Oh I've blacked out Can I just applaud you For such a great cool decision

Do we get a bottle cap For that decision You know Sometimes before the show We'll be like Troy Is there a way we should go to make your life easier And he refuses to ever answer. It's called integrity, and that's why they pay money to see us.

Integrity! I'm just highlighting Poopsie on the map. Insulting my characters. Little Poopsie. Oh, little Poopsie. Little Poopsie. You can control him now. Oh, little poopsie. Little poopsie. You can control him now. Oh, thanks.

If you'd like. Let me just save the settings on that, John. There's actually one little room here you didn't check out. Where? Oh. And then there's stairs going up. Kick in the door in the room you didn't check out. Yeah.

Kick in the door. There's an old woman wearing a sweater that is killed immediately by the poverty. One more stitch, and then she dies. Ethel picks up the door. Nothing in here. You see blood spreading out through the bottom of the floor. Slowly. Blood leaks

beneath the floor. They're making jelly. I cracked a jammed jar. Must be the jelly room of this old inferno. Jelly room. Let's go upstairs. There's a... There's nothing important in here. Fuck it.

Okay. All right. In the small side room, there's a quartet of comfortable horsehair seats arranged around a mahogany table. You know who liked horses? Ulysses Grant. Oh, my God.

Big horse guy. He turned Whitehaven, he converted Whitehaven from a farm into a place to raise horses. He did. Oh my God. Big horse guy. He turned Whitehaven, he converted Whitehaven from a farm into a place to raise horses. He did. He loved them.

You know what else he liked? Reading out loud to his wife at night. Because they didn't have Netflix. I thought you were going to say,

because women can't read. Sidney, you said that. Sidney, his wife was like way classier than he was. Sydney, you said that. Sydney, his wife was like way classier than he was. Oh, good. Anyway, go to the house. You'll figure it out. She also read out loud to him. Oh, I don't know.

She what? She also read out loud to him. That's actually very cute. I quite like that. For a second, I was like, should I do that? Then I was like, no, I'll just watch Netflix. You're like, no, my wife would get angry at me. What do you think, I can't read?

You mess up a word and she's like, that's not how that, you don't say it like that. So you guys want to go up the stairs? Yes. Upstairs. All right. Everybody wins. Let's go up the fucking stairs! Walking. Alright.

This is going to be a little hairy. Not unlike the horse hair in that room. Tell me party order. Ethel. Suki. Pepsi. Atticus. Ethel, Suki, Pepsi. Eris. Eris. Eris.

Aldo taking off the rear. And then so Atticus would be in front of Aldo. Remember that. No, no, no. I said Atticus behind Pepsi. Okay. Don't raise your voice at me. I spoke in a very calm manner. Let's see this room.

Oh. Shaka-kaka-k room Oh Let me describe The situation Here Bookshelves Stacked With various books And folders

As well as bizarre curios Line about two Two and a half walls of this wide open room. A sturdy wooden desk accompanied by a stuffed leather chair sits in the far northeast corner of the room while a small table in the opposite corner holds what looks like a taxidermic monkey posed like it's playing a tiny violin.

What? Dude, come on. That's pretty tacky, to be honest. What kind of monkey? A taxidermied one, yeah. There are four in taxidermied one yeah there are four taxidermic because sorry there are four incredibly detailed and and almost looks because you're the you're up front

there so you're the first one that sees this uh ethel there are four incredibly detailed paintings hanging on each of the four walls of this study. But you get up there first, and you see north of the room, staircase leading further up, but sitting in the chair

is a figure with its back to you. Oh, this is gonna be good. Hunched. Appears to be what? Male? Female? You're not up there. Humanoid?

Humanoid? I step into the room. There's a pubic hair on my mic. It's tickling your nose. You're welcome. Leave it. A little... A little early Christmas gift from Matthew.

A little early Christmas. First Christmas gift. Merry Christmas. In the Capitacasa household, you always leave a pubic hair on your buddy's mic. You get to open the first gift this year. It's like finding a baby in a king cake. Every time a pubic hair is on you.

I know. I didn't know about Dominic the donkey either. So this is, I just keep learning about Christmas. What do you do, Ethel? Hello there. you do, Ethel? Hello there. You, uh,

you want to turn around, maybe, and just say hi? The figure perks up and begins to stand. And as he stands, it looks exactly like the man who answered the door downstairs. It's Matt.

And he stands up, he brushes off his uniform, and he said, Father said no guests! Roll for initiative. It's another one. Oh, shit. Critical threat. It's still not him. Roll for initiative. Roll for initiative.

Roll for initiative. We're having fun, St. Lou. Yeah. Whoa. Dude, this crowd is fired up. Oh, my God. Should we come back here? How will we ever find an available hotel room?

No, you guys are great I had some great barbecue last night, by the way Yeah, it was really good Holy shit Really good barbecue Was that salt and stone? Salt? Holy shit, that was good

We'll come back while the Cardinals are in town Because that stadium looks amazing. Yeah. And they just give away tickets for that shitty team. That team has won more... They never won anything. They never won anything except for more World Series than anyone. Except for the Yankees.

Anyone else in the National League. Sounds like a lot of sad Met fans over there. What did everybody roll? Aldo, what did you roll? I rolled a 21. Oh my God, this is going to be the best show ever. Ethel. 25.

25. Natural five. This is going to be the best show ever. Eris. 28. And when I roll, I battle cry. Oh, yeah. And I go.

Hands off the John piece. We'll deal with that in a moment. Atticus? Should I say what I actually rolled or what I wanted to roll? Give us the, what did you want? I wanted a 35. Okay, and what did you roll? 21.

Suki? I rolled dog shit garbage. It was a 24. You got a real sailor's mouth on you. I know. Talk to me about your battle cry. This happens pre... It happens when I roll initiative. I can yell a mighty battle cry to demoralize an

observed foe as a free action. I'm so excited. Go on. Do the battle cry. What do you say? Terrifying, though. Terrifying. Were you just role-playing your already low role?

Is that what you said? I rolled 28. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. The best out of all of us. That's pretty good. And what did you say, Ethel? We're going to kill your dad.

Holy shit. Why? Jesus. Right out of the gate. We're going to kill your dad. We're going to kill your dad. All right. Roll your battle cries.

And this is an attempt to demoralize? Yeah. Kate and I rolled the exact same number on the die. Oh, my God. Eris and Ethel rolled the exact same. Oh, my God. You guys are so cute. Oh my god, I ship them. What'd you roll?

I had 26. I don't care! He's immune to fear and demoralized has the fear trait. Nice. And he also... I just researched LaVallee. He also rolled the highest initiative of all you suckas. Shocker. If only you had rolled that 35,

O'Brien. Yeah. Then you would have beat him. I felt like initiative was very important in this case. Normally it's not so important. Troy, before you hurt us,

can you just move Poopsie next to Suki? You can't control Poopsie yet? No, I've lost control of Poopsie again. I can't find my snake. Can someone help me. Here. Now you can control

him. What? That is not nice. That is not very Christmas of you, sir. For the audio audience, Troy has changed the snake's name to Garbage. All caps. I think it's a more fitting name. But you have control, so you can change it back. But I can change it back.

I'll change it back. The snake's name is Pepsi. It's very serious. Move garbage wherever you want. Everybody roll a will save. He just is like, ah! And as he does this, you see magic come out of his body and reach towards all of you and wash over your bodies.

Give me a will save. Is this a fear effect? Yes. What did you get, Suki? I rolled a 23. Fail. I know. O'Brien. I am bottle capping.

No! I shouldn't have said fail. We'll save. It's too much. It's too much. Too important. God damn it. 25. Fail.

Eris. 33. 33. Success. 31. Success. 31. Success. Crit success. All right.

Bravery. You're very brave. Skid. 30. 30. Success. The worst table in the room rolled better than the other bad table. Than the best table in the room.

Alright. Well, that was just a... Alright. Martini, Phil. Ethel, you are unaffected. However, Aldo and Eris are frightened one.

You are both frightened one. Ah. You are both frightened two. Damn it. He has one more action, and he just... Brutal. Brutal. He, uh... Effectively neutralized for the remainder of the game. He pulls out a gun.

No, I don't know. Jesus Christ. Whoa! Now what? What did you say about my father? It's Eris' turn. Eris, what do you got? Jesus, are you serious?

Yes. So he looks really scary, huh? Yeah. Like, every fiber in me just wants to put up a meat wall, because I don't want to see him, but then that makes us not be able you know, I can't just...

I smell sex and... Give it up for the tiniest penis, I mean bladder, in St. Louis. Um... So, he's immune to fear. I guess I want to roll a knowledge to see maybe what else he's buffed or immune to so that I don't waste my fucking time. All right.

Or my spells. A little occult. Occultism. Or if you have any lore alchemy. I'm going to cast Guidance on myself before I do that. Okay. 25. All right, first action, Guidance.

Second action, you're doing this knowledge check. All right, so this guy, you fought one of these already. You assume it's probably the same thing, the way it's acting. It has a lot of immun already. You assume it's probably the same thing, the way it's acting. It has a lot of immunities. 25. Here's what I'll tell you that's going to actually be helpful. It's resistant to physical damage, so it's going to take a little less from every

physical attack. It's also immune to death effects, things that would be helpful to you. Death effects, doomed, drained. Jesus. I think that's enough. Alright. Doomed and drained and death. Yeah. That sounds great.

Yep. Let's see, I got one more action left. I can't do much with that. I'll maybe cast shield on myself. Okay. To try to neutralize the fear effect a little bit, because I don't know what this thing's

gonna do. Okay. A little shield. One action shield. One action shield. Ethel's turn. Ethel is going to stride up to this hollow fellow. So fucking courageous. I am very brave. And I'm going to do a double slice.

I want to show you what he looks like, but it's taking... Oh, right. It's alright. Do your double strike. He still looks like Thomas Dolby. Okay. 30 on the Warhammer, and that'll be a 40 on the Hatchet.

Alright. Miss. All right. Miss. Regular success. 40 is a regular success? I'm not going to repeat myself. Wait, what? Wait, what? Say that again?

A 40. Miss. And a 40 is a regular success. And there he is. Look at that handsome son of a bitch. We should have went in the cozy cabin. And we can't demoralize him. Cool. I felt railroaded to come up here,

and I just want to state that on the record. 12 points of damage. It's magical, if that matters. Okay. It's physical damage, though, right? It is physical. Okay. And that is my turn.

Decent little turn. If you like bad turns. So just to put that in perspective, with my best weapon, a natural 17 would not hit. Well, you guys shouldn't have been so cocky fighting the Deros. Because now it's party time.

Suki, wow us here in the great city of St. Louis. I mean, come on. This is, I can't, I'm not going to be able to hit. I'm going to do my best. Correct. You're not going to be able to hit. I know. You've already fought and defeated one of these things.

Keep that in mind. With the same AC. Is there anything you can do to debuff? It's hard because I'm frightened too and all my DCs are down. So it's either hit and hit low

or you make a save and I lose a spell. Don't waste a spell. You guys should have rested so Suki could have got back all her spells. You had a cozy cabin all lined up on Airbnb.

That's a silly, dumb idea. That's fine. Okay, I'm going to try to hit with a produced flame. I'm going to drink an entire bottle of Chardonnay. Cool. This Chardonnay is delicious. We're going to serve this in our martini. So that's a 35 to hit.

I'm sorry? 35 to hit. That's a hit. Okay. With what? With Produce Flame. Heightened to 5th level. Nice! There you go. Spell attack. Okay. It's a cantrip, but it's heightened to 5th level. There's heightened now. Oh, okay.

Alright, give me that Demons. So that's, let me get an auto roller. Hold on. Sorry. Alright, so that's going to be 5d4. Here we go. You have a different AC against spells? No. No, I just was surprised that she rolled so high.

Okay. Your natural 17 wasn't a miss. It just wasn't a crit, right? No, it was a miss, he said. I rolled a 40, and it was a miss. No, that was a hit. It was a hit. Not a crit.

Not a crit. Oh, right. Okay. That's going to be 18 points of fire damage. A couple things are going to happen. It's going to use

its reaction to rage. Oh, right. Reactive rage. Reactive rage. It looks at you and it flies into a frenzy. I'm going to kill you!

I guess it's about to run away. How much damage was that? I forgot. 18? Did I say 18? 17. 17.

17. Thank you. Thank you, crowd. 36. I love that. Okay. But that all went through? Okay.

Anything else? I'm going to command Pepsi, and Pepsi is going to get up and flank with Ethel, and Pepsi is probably not going to hit, but going to take a bite just to see, just for shits and giggles. That's Cracked Eye. That's not going to hit. Nine. Twenty-seven. It's Big Ole Miss by Garbage. Big Ole Miss by Garbage.

And it's Aldo's turn. Aldo. Aldo, so can I do, could you be a cool guy for a second? I think I'm a pretty cool guy. And let me know if there were any other useful bits of information that I could learn from a really good knowledge check. Yes, yes, there is. Okay. And you guys learned stuff before as well.

I just don't remember what you learned. But luckily, Sydney takes amazing notes. I'm scrolling back. I don't think I took... She'll tell you soon. If you want to roll a knowledge check, there is more I could tell you for sure. Would alchemical lore apply?

Absolutely. Okay. Yeah, you'll get that. That's the best one you can roll. I'm going to do a knowledge check. Okay, that is a 35. Nice. All right.

I'm going to give you some juice. All right. Immune to bleed, disease, death effects, doomed, drained, fear, healing, poisoned, sickened, and unconscious. Physical resistance, five. Oh, shit. Now raging, so it's gaining temporary hit points. However, its AC is lowered

from that rage. Not unlike a barbarian! Okay. So, I know a little bit more. Lacking the ability currently to blind him with science. I'm going to move into position to hit him a little better. And I'm going to throw a bottle of lightning at a moderate size. Get him!

Nice! Get him! Oh, that's great. That is a 39. That is a 39. 39 is a hit. Oh, that's beautiful. Keep in mind also the balance of this. Now that it's in the reactivate rage,

its AC has been lowered to make it a little more hittable and a little more critable, but a 39 is just a regular hit. Still not a crit zoning. All right. 15 points of electricity damage. And flat footed until the beginning of Ma next to. Okay.

AC lowered again. To everybody. Yup. And I'm out. And you're out. See you, Skid. Thank you for coming tonight. Have a good night, dude.

Yo, your costume was great. Skidmar, everybody. Skidmar. Your costume was great. He's gonna catch a flight. Thank you for coming, Skid. Thank you. Aldo is out of the home. He might actually not come back. I'll bring your computer.

Alright, Aldo's out. Atticus. Wow, this beautiful crowd. When this guy screams, it puts some sort of deep fear into Atticus. He's shaken for a moment, but he knows there's one thing that he can rely on. And that is the base push of force damage that can just knock anything physical into oblivion.

And he is just going to panic cast magic missile. And just... And fire a bunch of magic missiles at this guy. Six missiles, in fact. Is that 1d4 plus one for each missile? 1d4 plus one for each missile. I rolled 444

333. Yeah! That is 27 points. Holy shit! Joe! Game, wait! Joe!

Game, wait! Joe! Game, wait! Joe! I love it! So that will hopefully do some damage, bypassing his frightened condition. You don't get to roll a save, et cetera. And yeah, 27 points of force damage. You don't get to roll a save, etc. And, yeah, 27 points of force damage.

Round two, it's turn. Who's standing next to him? There's garbage to the north. And there's a hero named Ethel to the south. Hi. Hi. Piss, piss, piss.

I'm gonna mess you up. First thing I'm going to do. Hiss. There's a snake. You should hit the snake. Hiss. Oh. I can't do that.

All right. Shit in a box. Send it to your mother. What is right? Don't do that. All right, you know what? You're not going to hit me. I am going to...

I've got to do it. I'm going to stride 10 feet down. Take your attack opportunity. Thank you. I have to do it because I want to do this, John. That'll be a 35 to hit. Yes!

Alright, that's a hit. Okay. Also, for the record, you are flat-footed into the start of my next turn. If Skids goes away earlier. Is that a sound? What? Singing Christmas hymns. Okay, 13 points of physical and five cold.

13 physical, five cold. All right, good for you. Big old hit. The reason I wanted to move is because I need to move to do this thing. I stride, and then I'm going to faint. This is going to be a deception check against your perception, DC. Do you have that number? Yes.

Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Troy's gonna roll! Troy's gonna roll! Uh, 300. This is Sparta. No, wait.

Fuck. 26? Miss. Fail. Best day ever. It's so bad. No. It's just wasted.

If it's any consolation, you didn't fail by much. Right. Well, I get a strike off of this, but you're AC. You're not going to be flat-footed, basically. It was a feint that would have been a critical success to keep you flat-footed forever. Instead, I just get this one little shitty attack. Natural 20.

Troy's going to roll. Troy's going to roll. You're totally screwed. I think it's a named character. Oh, you think it is? Yeah, he has a name. Oh, yeah, you think it is? All right, let's take it to the niche.

Tom from St. Louis. Tom! Tommy! Tom. How is there not a Tom in this room? Like, someone works here named Tom. There's a Tom. Yeah, we'll just works here named Tom. There's a Tom. Yeah, we'll just say you're Tom. We'll say it's you.

You're Tom tonight. Tom from St. Louis, Missouri. Good hustle. Thank you, Tom. Thanks, coach. Deal. Wow. Deal double damage.

You may instantly move your character up to 10 feet in any direction for free without incurring an attack of opportunity. Good one, Tom. Wow. Good hustle, bro. Okay. Oh, man. That is sopping wet. That's 38 points of bludgeoning damage.

Those teeth are soaked. As he just fucking punches you in the mouth. 38 points of bludgeoning damage, and then he's going to, I guess, move 10 feet for free. See ya. See ya. Okay. Shit.

He gets away from Ethel. Move over there. Were you flat-footed? No, I... No, you're flat-footed. Shut up. You're flat-footed. Check it and No. You're flat-footed. Shut up. You're flat-footed. Check it and see.

You're flat-footed. All right. He's got one more. No, wait. That was a two. Yeah, he's got one more action. And he is going to. He moved.

Did his feint. The second move is for free. No, the first move. No, you moved. Yeah, no, that's part of the feint. Yeah, part of the feint is the move. So that was two actions for that jump. Oh, you know what I'm going to that's part of the feint. Yeah, part of the feint is the move. So that was two actions for that, John. Oh, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take that

free ten feet, and I'm going to move right next to Aldo and Atticus so that I can then use one more action. Pand was off. The John piece. When you run a live show, you can do what you want to.

I'm going to roll one, two, three, Atticus, four, five, six, Aldo, Atticus. Fuck. I'm sorry, George. There are kids here. There's at least one child. I'm going to punch you in the mouth. You dropped the hardest F-bomb in regular, polite conversation. With George in the room.

Like every, what, 40 seconds? Every time she spoke. Like really hard lands on the K, like bam, landed it. Yeah. The kids like it. The kids like it. Give me two thumbs up. They think I'm cool.

I'm going to punch you. Take an extra four points of damage. I'm going to punch you. Reactive rage does an extra four points of damage to you, Ethel. I don't see you removing it from your character. I thought you were talking about Skid. I thought you were pointing at me, too. I just punched you for a total of 31 to hit.

Yeah, that is a hit. You're going to take 20 points of bludgeoning damage. Smack. Thank you Tom That really hurts Alright but here's the good news It's everyone else's turn Before his What the hell

Eris you're up Oh Jesus Keep it moving guys He's flat footed He's dancing Let's go it's late Let's go Crap

Come on I got a flight in 5 minutes Don't. Good thing I have clear. Since we didn't use Cozy Cabin, I'm going to use my final... You're going to use it now? Yeah, I'm going to build a hut in this room. No, I'm going to use my final level three spell slot to cast Haste again instead. Okay.

On Ethel. Amazing. So two actions Ethel. Amazing. So two actions for that. You're a lover. Sure. And then I'm gonna sustain the shield on myself. Okay. You're frightened. Yeah. This sucks. I don't know what to do. The first

fake version of this guy fucked us up so bad. Aeris in particular. So she doesn't know what to do. Okay. It is Ethel's turn. Ethel, you are also a little bit frightened. A little bit what? A little bit frightened. Am I? You critically succeeded. Yeah.

Don't forget, at the end of your turn, your frightened condition goes down. So you go from frightened two to frightened one or frightened one to not frightened. Ethel will take a step in to flank. Though he's already flat-footed, so I guess that doesn't matter. Okay. Because I'm quickened, I'm now going to take two attacks. I'm going to do

a double slice. Okay. You're hasted. I'm hasted. Okay. Ooh, okay. Natural 19 on the Warhammer. Oh, nice. Oh, he's flat-footed! Crit him! 42. Oh, shoot! Yeah, that's a crit, dude. Critical hit. Yeah!

Critical hit. Oh, huge. Critical hit. Critical hit. And 25 on the hatchet, which I assume misses. Miss. Wow. So many dice. Big math. So much math. Okay, 24 points of physical.

That's six points of cold. You know you double that too, right? Double. The cold? Yeah. 12 points of cold. 12 points of cold. And the physical, right?

24 was the doubled physical? I rolled four on 2D8. He's bad at rolling. Do you have any actions left or you had to step to do that? No, no, no. You are prone. You are knocked prone. Yeah's bad at rolling. Do you have any actions left or you had to step to do that? No, no, no. You are prone. Yeah, you knocked prone. Bottlecap!

Bottlecap! Where are you? What seems like all night a very polite young woman in the crowd just yelled, suck it! She's saying what we're all thinking, honestly. We all want,

it was on the tips of our tongues. I didn't say it. I mean, that, that was awesome. I think we gotta come back to St. Louis. That's right. I'll see you after the show. I'm going to use my last action to do another attack.

How many actions do you have? I missed it. You got one extra. All right, I'll put the snail token on this dumb creature. Miss on the final attack. Miss on the final attack. So the snail means he's prone. The shoe means

he's flat. Wait, does his AC go down when he's prone? Worry about it. I'll look it up. Suki's turn. She doesn't do physical damage. I am going to reach out my hands and break every liquid in the room and cast Hydraulic Torrent

and cause all the liquids in the room to join together, and I'm going to blast your limp little body with a Hydraulic Torrent. That is rude. Make a Fortitude save. I shall. It's very expensive wine. Natural one. Best day ever!

Oh my god. Oh my god. What is a critical failure on hydraulic turrets? So it's not the coolest thing in the world. I'm already proud. You get pushed. I push you 10 feet against the wall. It's just like.

And you take. Jesus. You take, oh my gosh, 34 points of bludgeoning damage. Whoa, wow. As I shove you against the wall. Oh my gosh. Holy shit. Oh my god.

And you're still prone, so. Still prone, yeah. I know, you just shot me. Along the floor. Yeah, sliding along the floor. It's the hit with the fire hydrant. And you know what's the best part? Is it comes from all the water in the room.

That was flavor. That was flavor. All right. And then I'm going to... There you go. That's a torrent. Oh my gosh. This is too much fun. I love playing this game.

And then I'm going to command Pepsi. I can make it yellow. Hello. What was all the liquid in the room? Chars of pee. Sookie, what did you do? Wait until after the combat? She is great.

Has this guy just been like peeing in bottles around the room? Pepsi is going to slither up and try to take a bite. Why not? All right, so Pepsi slides up to this poor, poor hollow one. That's going to be a 31 to hit. That is a hit. Yes, yes. Dude, this dude is getting embarrassed.

Like, knocked down, peed on, shot against the wall. Now some snake just chomping at him like He just like chomps your hand that is limply out. And then after this, we're going to kill your parents. What's your last memory to me? Did you all just hear like the 100% Philadelphia come out of Joe? What's your last memory to me?

Did you all just hear, like, the 100% Philadelphia come out of Joe? I know. I know. 14 points of piercing, and that is my turn. Oh, my God. Phenomenal. All right, so this guy is in rough shape. All that piercing didn't go through.

Of course. However, a brilliant turn by Suki, and now it's Aldo's turn. Do I have a sense of whether this guy is aware that he looks like my acne and mun? Yes, yeah, absolutely. Oh, okay. Well, that...

Is that bad? No, I was going to say, you're so money and you don't even know it. And it would have been a huge laugh line, and then, fuck off! I think it was the lady that told me to suck it. I'm going to throw some bombs. Okay.

I'm going to do something different. He's wide open there. He's wide open. All right, so I'm actually I'm gonna throw a I'm gonna throw my last moderate alchemist fire at him. Track that. Write that down.

You might need a little cabin. A little cozy. The cabin is no longer available to us. Not optional. Cabin's gone. Okay. Because it was a third level spell and I used all my slots. Okay, that is 12 points. It's not your cabin. Wait, did you hit him?

Oh, sorry. Yeah, I rolled a natural... That is a 34 against his prone AC. That is 16 points of fire damage, including splash. Oh, boy. Okay. Four points of thundering damage. Oh, man.

Two persistence. Nice. Persistent what? Fire damage. Okay, that'll tick on his John. All right. Second action. I am going to throw another...

I should have done this before. Bottle of lightning. And that is a 30 to hit. That's a hit. Okay. He's laying on the ground covered in piss. That's amazing. Everything's a hit.

The real question is, why were there so many bottles of piss in this room? 12 points of electricity damage. Okay. Electric piss. Three points of sonic damage. Oh my god. He's flat-footed.

And with my last action, I'm going to throw a Lesser Alchemist fire. Natural 20! Critical threat! Critical threat! Critical threat, critical threat, critical, critical, critical threat.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Do you feel like a Midwestern housewife drowning your sorrows in Chardonnay? Thank you. Mother's little helper. Don't mix those. It's little helper. Don't mix those. It's a red.

Don't mix it with my Shar-Bull. Shar-Bull's at the after party. Give me a round of Shar-Bulls. What's the fucking crit? Dude, this is insane. This is from Ben R. in Blountville, Tennessee. Hi, Ben R. Thanks, Ben. Ben R. in Blountville, Tennessee. Hi, Ben R.

Thanks, Ben. Ben R. in Blountville. Aldo tested, Sheila approved. Aye! Your attack was perfect. Your bomb, or other projectile, strikes the enemy in the most advantageous way possible that is narratively appropriate.

Roll 1d2 plus 1, and the result is the damage multiplier for the crit. Whoa! 1d2 plus 1? Yeah, so it might be triple damage if you... That's huge.

That's a natural four on a four-sided die. So that's triple damage. Wow. Okay. Triple damage. If Aldo drew this crit, all splash damage becomes persistent on enemies. Wow. That is a really good one. I can't believe that. Well, for you. Wow. That is a really good one.

I can't believe that. Well, for you. Wow. Thank you, Bloodville. So it's triple damage. Thank you, NR. All right. That's 39 points of fire damage.

He's dead. Yeah! When I was walking in Memphis. Amazing. I know what I am tonight. He is annihilated. Wow. Annihilated. And you are out of combat.

Just remember that. Next time you're like, we can't hit this guy. Didn't even go two rounds There's so much urine in this room I know So much piss But at least there's a lot of fire too So it's like

Really hot Nothing worse than the smell of burnt urine Yeah the urine was electrified It just smells horrible This rug is ruined. Father said no visitors. Yeah. I'm going to kill your father.

All right, listen, there are stairs going up, but there's a lot going on in this room. The thing that really jumps out at you are these paintings, these uncanny, highly detailed paintings, one on each wall. In addition to that, there are a couple of shelves. There's obviously this monkey with the violin. Obviously. Obviously the taxidermist walks up almost in a trance to the monkey. And pees on it. Whips out his rat penis.

He walks up to the monkey. What? What is he touching? What is he going to do? Thanks for the martinis. There's a reason it's rule number one. He'll touch the monkey. What does it feel like?

Taxidermy. What the fuck? It feels like a fucking monkey. Or push it over. Eris is watching you like... You just had surgery. I just had surgery. I shouldn't have done that.

You should be doing that. It's going to really hurt tomorrow. Yeah, the monkey falls. Eris is watching you like, Atticus, what are you doing? Can you please move out of the way? Can we look at the paintings, please? All right, who's looking?

Let's keep things moving here. Is everyone looking at the same painting? Everyone look at, there's four different paintings. There's five of you. What do you do? We look at different paintings. All right, so who looks at what painting?

North, south, east, west. Just position yourself on the map. West. South. five of you. What do you do? We look at different paintings. Alright, so who looks at what painting? North, south, east, west. Just position yourself on the map. West. South. North. And Pepsi looks at the eastern one. I guess, yeah. Yeah, Poopsie. Garbage. Alright, so Suki goes to the west. Eris goes

to the south. Ethel goes to the north. Aldo, you go into the east. I'm going to assist Pepsi with looking at the eastern. Alright, Atticus, what are you doing? He's looking at this monkey. You let him move on from the monkey? I just ripped my stitches.

He kicks it while it's on the ground. It could be worth something. Just pick it up. He's going to go up to Ethel because he doesn't believe Ethel can really discern artwork. He's a merc. He's a simple merc. He's a master woodsman. Craftsman. Woodler?

He doesn't need you to do that. I smell sex and can't do that. Master with that wood. Master with that wood. I'm losing my mind. Suki. Yes. You go over to the western wall.

The weastern wall. Weastern wall. Diane Weist. This wall was sponsored by Diane Weest. And what does this painting look like? You look at the painting. Are you moving it? Are you doing anything? Or are you just staring at it, kind of trying to... What is the painting? You look at it.

You're really... Now that the fight is over, all of you are really enraptured by these paintings. They're highly detailed and very uncanny. And what is it? I'm going to tell you. Uncanny. It's highly detailed, a bit uncanny.

You stare at this thing. What's going on? It is a highly, strangely... Stop. a highly strangely stop. Angular landscape. Oh. You can't tell if it's, if you're looking at buildings or

just some weird, demented unknown space. I want you to really get into it, Sook. Okay. But as you look at it, whether it be buildings or a weird space, the

images begin to writhe. Oh, no. And start to move, and the angles become both sharp and soft at the same time, and they seem to almost reach out and engulf you, drawing you into the scene. You feel this sensation like you're being engulfed

in the obscene angles and architecture of this unknowable place. You try to look away and you cannot. Your pulse begins to race uncontrollably and you feel cold beads of sweat hitting your face. What do I do?

Ethel and Atticus. Oh no. You stare at the painting on the north wall. It's circular. It's not a north wall. It's circular. It's not a rectangular frame. It's a circle. Well done. I didn't think you knew art so well.

He went to art school. And it depicts what looks like a sunken, submerged city with strange lights sort of dotting the landscape, glowing amongst the sodden streets of this strange, sunken city. It's so fucking realistic. It almost looks like a photograph, but you don't know what those are. That's true. The only thing you can compare a painting to

is another painting, but that seems silly. It's so realistic, it looks like you're looking at, like through a window at something. But as you watch it, you start to feel a little out of breath like you've been running and then you start to feel like like a little nauseous as well and then suddenly your mind of all places goes to that scary place of the vastness of the ocean. Think about the open ocean

and you start to be overwhelmed with a sense of anxiety and dread as you feel like you're being pulled into this sunken city in the painting. Aldo and Garbage.

You're looking on the east wall at the painting near a desk, and it shows a stage in a grand theater. Exit.

Stage left. Immediately. It looks like there's this great cavorting dance happening. No. Exit. Stage left. Immediately. Exit. Stage left. It looks like there's this great cavorting dance happening on stage. Aldo. There are limbs and stretched faces

within the picture as you begin to stare at it, but every time you start to focus on one aspect of the painting and then look on to another, you look back and it seems like something changed. And then you look back again to the other thing and that's not what you just saw. Like you might see a man and a woman dancing with reckless abandon. And there might be this look of like horror on the man's face. Then you look at something and you look back to them and the man is smiling but the woman is in horror.

And as you stand there staring you feel yourself start to sway to a music that you can't hear and your limbs like start to stretch out to the left and the right like you just want to get lost

in this mad dance. Please stop. Eris. Kate has completely covered her face in a hood. Eris is to the south looking on the painting right here between the desk and the stairs. And it's just a single cloaked figure

standing alone in a blasted alien landscape. It's Kate. It's Kate. It's he. It's like you're looking into a mirror. Nothing more horrifying. You look at it, and at first it just looks like a hooded figure, but

what the hell is on this figure? You look a little bit more, and it looks like there are snakes coming out of the folds of its robe. Snakes? Three or four snakes. Pepsi. Out of one hand. Pepsi. It's garbage coming out of its robe. Garbage. Streaming Three or four snakes. Pepsi. Out of one hand. Garbage coming out of its robe. Garbage streaming

out of its sleeve. Three or four snakes coming out of this fold. And it almost looks like it's standing on several legs of snakes. Everywhere where there's an opening in the robe, there is an extension of a snake. And then you kind of look around the landscape

and you look back and the figure's gone. But you see it right there in the corner of your eye. Shut your mouth. And

you know it's there, so you like turn to look at it and it's gone however now you're in this alien landscape what you look around you and it's just blackness barren land dead earth with cracks in it. And you're alone inside of the painting. Except you're not alone. There's someone behind you. And you turn. And this being is standing there.

And we'll see you in Philly. Oh! No! No! No, Harris! Harris! Thank you, St. Louis! Thank you, St. Louis!

Thank you, St. Louis! Thank you, St. Louis! Thank you, St. Louis! Thank you! Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. And for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else, subscribe today at jointhenace.com. you