The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 86 – Art Attack

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

On the upper levels of Mun’s home, art imitates life and more of the alchemist’s guardians emerge. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/7kOPBFLC2gk Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at jointhenaish.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. I'm back, baby! Billy Joe! Billy Joe! Billy Joe! Billy Joe! I'm back, baby! Go, Burt! Merry Christmas, Philadelphia! It's the holiday season The holiday season And Joe and Skid are coming round Sidney and Kate have rolled into town

Matthew's still a big hairy clown And your old buddy Troy is here That ended a lot stronger than I thought it was going to. I never know what it's going to say. Anybody else drinking nog tonight? Where are my nog heads? Suspiciously quiet response. No nog.

Little nog with Merlot is a nice mix. It's really sitting good in my stomach. I smell like a creamy hen house. My wife the other day was like, you are what they're calling now an end of year consumer. Have you heard of this expression? No, I have not. It says like.

But it sounds right. It sounds right. Basically. I trust Sam and these guys. I agree with your wife. From middle November to like New Year's and beyond, I eat with reckless abandon, everything in sight. I spend money on Christmas gifts.

I have a limitless supply. I drink horrible combinations of liquor and too much of it. And then I'm like, I'll deal with it in January. That's the end of year consumer. Who else is like that? Anybody? All right. I don't feel so alone.

Do you choose not to consume razors at this time of year? What? Oh, we're going to talk about it? We're going to talk about it. How could we not? Why did we bring it up? We're going to talk about the beard in the room? We're going to talk about the beard in the room.

What was I going to say? Could we turn the heat up a little bit? That's a joke. Please, please don't. Feels real good with the beard. Beard and sweater. Good combo. Turtleneck.

This will be our itchiest show ever. I tripped Joe on one of my overdo it nights last night and I think I broke him. Yeah, yeah. In bad shape. Yeah. We started out at a fancy cocktail bar

where I had a Manhattan followed by a white Russian followed by a Mezcal margarita. And he was trying to keep up. And then it didn't go so well for you. It did not go so well. I went to the con, I came back around noon and he was still in bed just...

But we're here now. We made it. We've once again sold out City Winery here in Philadelphia. Best city on the tour. We love ending the year here. This is our annual tradition, the Glass Cannon Live Christmas Extravaganza. Yeah, it's the Christmas party. If you are coming here tonight and you are not in the Christmas

spirit, I promise you, you will leave feeling it in your bulge. You will feel Christmas in your bulge. And if you don't celebrate Christmas because maybe you're a different religious tradition, you will leave here Christian.

That's my guarantee. Guaranteed. That's our promise to you. You will be Christian. A lot of people don't know that, that the Glass Cannon Network is a Christian-only network. Yeah, that's right. We're very evangelical in our approach to role-playing games. One of our first shows this year was at a church,

and everyone was sitting in pews. Actually, that is true. And at the end, there's a baptism, so stick around, and you'll all get to come get dunked, so it's fun. We're going to bathe Joe in wine. Yes, but Christians only.

I'm very excited to be back in this trash bag of a city. It's always fun. And I've got so much Christmas in my heart. Your city and your terrible sports teams can't even bring me down. But how has your week been? Because I didn't see you guys last night.

The three of you in Sydney were out bopping around while Joe and I were drinking every liquor in the city of Philadelphia. Well, we went out to watch football last night. And I guess it was around 9, 9.15, something like that. Matthew's like, where are you guys? And I was like, we're at Fideau. We were at Fideau.

And I was like, come by. No response. We were all in bed. Fido. We were at Fido, and I was like, come by. No response. We were all in bed. Not surprised. In the same bed. In the same bed. Yeah, so I found out the next day. At the time he sent that message,

he was already in his kerchief and ma in her cap. And they were settling their brains. Now, what did you guys do? You were back in the hotel, like, you were all in the same hotel room doing what? Well, we got ramen. Oh, yeah.

Which was delicious. You got robbed? Where did we go, Kate? You got robbed? No. No, ramen. Ramen. Terikawa.

Terikawa. How much did you pay? Terikawa. It was really great. We had some delicious ramen. I'm probably saying it wrong. I don't remember the name. Starts with a T.

I googled best ramen and I went there. You said it right. And then we went to a Christmas themed bar. We went to Tinsel. Tin right. And then we went to a Christmas themed bar. We went to Tinsel. Tinsel. And then we went

right back out. And then we quickly left. And then where did we go? Oh, we went to a pub. The pub next door. We had a great time. I don't know what Troy is talking about. We had a great time.

I love Philly. We had a really good time. We did. We went home at like 7.30. Sydney and I had our own shopping montage at one point. We had a shopping montage where we tried on outfits

and we were like, yeah, mm-mm. It was great. We also, we went to the Mütter Museum. Oh yeah,

we went to the Mütter. That was all the same day. It was a very intense experience for a lot of reasons. I didn't like it. I went in, I saw the skulls and I was like,

oh, this is kind of cool and then by my seventh wet tumor, I was like, I'm going to go to another museum. Is this the one that Rocky runs up the steps for? No. No. No.

I mean, if he died doing it, that's where they'd put him. I think he would want to run away from the megacolon. I feel bad because I really talked up the Mütter. I like it. I've been there before and I was like, it's such a cool museum. I guess I didn't really say

what it was at all and Skid went and was like, what the fuck is this? I went, I went, I was like, I'm going to another museum

and I think they thought I was joking and I wasn't. You saw him. Skid just disappeared. I went to the museum of the American Revolution which is a museum I really like,

and I got to see George Washington's tent, and they all made fun of me because it was really emotional for me, and I defy you to go see George Washington's tent and not tear up a little. It was amazing. That's totally normal. Yeah.

What was it about the tent? Was it the make? Well, no, they show you the movie about the history of the tent. You're in this movie theater. We ask it about the tent? Was it the make? Well, no, they show you the movie about the history of the tent. You're in this movie theater. We ask it about that. We were like, why is the tent so special? No, they show it, and it's like being...

Stop laughing at him. Yeah, you did enough of it last night. So they show a movie about the tent, and it's narrated by Peter Coyote, which is already going to pluck at anyone's heartstrings. And then they show the movie, and then it's just like, after the movie, it's just like, we have to be very careful with the tent. We can't expose

too much light. We want to preserve it for generations to come. It's just like, okay. And then at the end of the movie, Peter Coyote stops talking and they lift the movie screen up, and the tent is sitting there behind the screen! And I'm not joking. People were audibly crying in the audience.

The tent died of natural causes At 86 years old Meanwhile we were looking at a tumorous penis Right Wait, did you say tumorous penis? I did I pointed out Did it bring a tear to your eye?

Did you throw that on the gram? It gave me some feelings. I did. I did, Matt. There was like a lull in conversation at the Mooder. And I look at Matthew and I just go, that penis is way too big. I feel like if you live in Philly,

first dates gotta be at the Mooder. You just gotta go there, get it out of the way. And then if there's a second date, you know, they're the one. You play your cards right. I'll show you a tumorous penis. Were we all on a date with you? Is that what you're saying? No.

Well, Skid failed. Skid failed. I did fail. Yeah, Skid failed. Skid will not get a second date. That's fine. You, are you glad to be home? Oh yeah, baby. I'm so excited!

I love this show. You love this show. You love this show. It's the last show of the year. It's Christmas time. It's just special. I said this a few years ago. It reminds me of when I would come home from college. When I come home from New York when I was working in my 20s.

I always came back here at this time of year. It's the best. And my whole family's here. My whole family's here. Wave your hands, you maniacs. They're over there. They're all spread out. They all have two drinks in each hand.

That's right. Dad's got a Bud Light in each hand. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, I'm a big tradition guy And this has become a part of our tradition now Coming every year during our Reading Terminal Doing Packs Unplugged Selling out shows left and right And City Winery two years in a row

Thank you, City Winery This is awesome Feels like home Sydney did that I helped And a professional set decorator, if you can't tell Feels like home. Sydney did that. I helped. And a professional set decorator, if you can't tell. I went to art school.

I went to art school. This is a two-person job. I do sets for films. You can tell. It took two people to string these lights. Well, you know, we usually end these shows, we say, ah, we'll see you next year, and we walk off stage and we never get to say thank you to everybody

I know a lot of you here tonight Came to a bunch of shows this year We sold out like half a dozen shows I felt like, you know, after last year We're really getting back in the groove So thank you guys for everything you do We got a new campaign out That's getting a lot of views from y'all

We appreciate it Tell your friends Keep coming to our live shows. Let's play pretend. Let's do it! Hold on to your wieners, because it's recap time. Give me some Christmas recap music. Something snowy.

Something snowy. When I was walking in Memphis. Did he have a Christmas album? I think so. Well, in the song, they do ask if you are a Christian child. That's right. Yeah. Child and I am tonight.

Child and I am tonight. Because they're at one of our shows. Right. Right. They have to be. Yeah. This one is called Christmas Suspense. No, it's not.

It's suspense for the holidays. Is Santa coming down the chimney? Ooh. Is Mommy kissing him? Ooh. What? What? It's a song.

I know, but it's a weird song. I think a lot of people don't know what that song's about You know it's the dad is dressed up as Santa Claus And the little kid sees His mom That's one way of interpreting it You're blowing my mind The little boy sees

Santa kissing his mom But it's his dad dressed as Santa Claus Wait till I tell my dad Mom was making out with Santa but it's his dad dressed as Santa Claus. He's like, wait till I tell my dad. Mom was making out with Santa, but it was dad all along. Thank God we have you here to explain Christmas songs. Chase and Sidney had no idea until this moment. Also, I have never heard that

song explained with a suspenseful underbite. It sounded way more ominous. No, because what it's actually about is an old fat man breaking into someone's house and cuckolding a man. That's what it's about. Yep. Yeah, that's what I thought.

That's the true meaning of Christmas. Yeah. It was Christmas Eve. I'm sorry. I looked over at the clock. It was 10.04. I heard a noise downstairs. I walked down.

See my mother fellating, said. I saw mom. Christmas was never the same. Most of you in this room know the story by now, even the servers. It's a requirement. You have to listen

to like the last 10 episodes. They get hazard pay for that Ours is a story Of five heroes Who are trying to stop A man from summoning A cosmic deity Into the world to destroy it

Classic Christmas tale This man Count Hazerton Lowell's the fourth having been disregarded by the academic community he so wanted to be a part of, began delving into knowledge no man should have and became infected by this alien being, a great old one known as Jamundor. Now, as Jamundor's servant, the count is traveling far away from his home to find a book called the Necronomicon because within that book is the knowledge he needs

to take this plan to the next level. Now, our heroes have been close on Laos' heels for the past few sessions, and they've been exploring the home of one of Laos' associates, Now, our heroes have been close on Lowell's heels for the past few sessions. And they've been exploring the home of one of Lowell's associates, an alchemist by the name of Myacnean Munn. It appears Mr. Munn is no longer at the former prison infirmary. He turned into his home-slash-laboratory. But he's left behind several inhabitants to keep watch for him.

One such inhabitant is an alchemical construct known as a hollow one, a construct made in Mun's image. A very polite version of this hollow one greeted our heroes when they came to the house, and they didn't attack until you disobeyed him. You fought another one last month in St. Louis, two months ago in St. Louis, and this one raged immediately when it saw you. Much different personality. You fought another construct downstairs that had syringes for fingers, a vicious ochre jelly, and then you uncovered a hidden grotto deep below the infirmary inhabited by residents of the dark lands known as deros. the infirmary inhabited by residents of the Darklands, known as Derros.

You found these handwritten receipts from Mun to these Derros, like they're working together, but you don't know why. So after clearing out the downstairs, you head back up to explore the upper floors. In the first room, after dispatching this angry hollow one, you begin looking at these strange paintings on the walls of Mun's study. There are four paintings, one on each wall. Suki, played by Sidney, looks at the one.

No time to cheer. Please hold your applause, Leah. Hold your applause, Leah. Thanks, Kate, and the three people who wooed. And no one really jumped at it. I left a part. Suki, played by Sidney, looked at the one on the west wall, that of an angular landscape,

which might be some buildings or some demented space. Ethel and Atticus, played by Matthew and Joe, respectively, looked at the one... That was more woos, Sidney. Shut up. If you were counting. But if you divide the woos by two, was more woos, Sydney. Shut up. If you were counting. But if you divide the woos by two, it was probably the same amount of woos. Thank you.

Technicality. You dummies looked at the one on the north wall, and it was a hyper-realistic painting of a sunken, submerged city. You saw strange lights in the sodden streets that appeared to be glowing on this painting? Aldo, played by Skid. Guess we know whose dice set sold tonight. Thank you all.

It all goes to the children. My children. Or our children. Troy's and Matthew's and Joe's children. I kind of... Yeah, my children. Or our children. Troy's and Matthew's and Joe's children. I kind of want to skit dice, though. They're really nice. I think they're super nice. Yep.

Aldo looks at the one on the eastern wall. He sees a stage and a grand theater upon which some mad cavorting dance is taking place. And finally, Eris, played by Kate. Is this Kate country? I'm so sorry. Kate looks at the one, not at Kate, Eris looks at the one on the south wall,

perhaps the most unsettling painting of all, depicting a gruesome cloaked figure standing in a blasted alien landscape. Snakes writhe from beneath the folds of its cloak, and it reaches out a clawed hand from one of its billowing sleeves. As you stare at these paintings, you become transfixed and almost drawn into these paintings. Suki, you begin to have the sensation of being engulfed in the obscene angles and architecture of this unknowable place. Your pulse starts racing. Sweat beads on your forehead. Ethel and Atticus, you both have the sensation of being pulled down into the painting's sunken city. You start to feel out of breath and slightly nauseous. Aldo, as you stare at the limbs and stretched faces

of the dance within the painting, you start to notice that every time you look at one part of the painting and then look back at it, the scene changes ever so slightly, and you yourself find yourself almost swaying to a music that only you can hear. Meanwhile, Eris, you are pulled directly into this blasted, dark, alien landscape,

and you come face to face with the horrible, demonic figure in the painting who is now standing directly behind you. I need to make a new character right now, right? Is that what's happening? Yes. Okay, all right. Merry Christmas. Okay.

Suki, Atticus, Ethel, and Aldo. Roll a will save. Oh. Hold on. Let's talk about bottle caps will save. Oh. Hold on. Let's talk about bottle caps. Yeah. Oh, no. I said last time when Matthew was cheating

that there would be no more bottle caps for the rest of the year. But I've decided to have a change of heart. Because it's Christmas. However... This b's really poorly for us. I only have four to give out and there are five of you. What?

How many do you guys have? No, everyone has zero. We don't have any. I have one. Nope. Everything's been cleared out. That's not fair. Clear it out! You all currently have zero, but I have four to give out. Choose a number between one and one hundred.

Whoever goes closest, you can go over or under, gets a cap. Whoever is furthest away doesn't. I wrote down a number before the show on this piece of paper. Suki, give me a number. Not Suki, you. What's your name? Sydney? Yes. Um, I said, well, that's a fun one.

I'm gonna say 16. 16 for Sydney. Fuck, I should have said 69. Joe? I said, well that's a fun one I'm gonna say 16 16 for Sydney Joe I'm gonna go with 55 Oh see 55 You were gonna say 55

Do you want to price this item and do 54? That doesn't matter I'm gonna do 69 Such a pander Yeah That doesn't matter. I'm going to do 69. Such a pander. Yeah. I'm going to roll for it.

That's fun. 66. And Skid. John Elway, number seven. The correct answer is 81. Skid does not get a bottle cap Wow that's a high number Well I got two Super Bowls so And a restaurant chain

And a restaurant chain Which is pretty good And the car dealership What did you roll Sydney I forgot to roll What are we rolling Will saves Can it be four to two No Okay What did you roll, Sydney? I forgot to roll. What are we rolling?

Will saves. Can it be four to two? No. Okay. What'd you get there? I got a 33. That's pretty good. Oh, no.

See? Good for you, Sid. Move away from me. Sit further away. The sensation of being overwhelmed by this strange place that you're seeing weighs on you. In fact, it's going to weigh on your mind for some time. You are stupefied one for one day.

Ooh, wow. With a 33? Yes. you are stupefied one for one day. Ooh. Wow. With a 33? Yes. Damn it. J. Was that a failure or was that a success? Don't worry about it.

Oh, cool. So much giving. Well, I was on the fence but now I'm definitely using my bottle cap. Oh. I rolled a natural one. Holy shit.

Philly Joe is back, baby. Come on. I can't do this stupefied shit, man. Flat checks for every spell. Flat checks for every spell. You don't know if it's stupefied. You're looking at a different painting. Oh, yeah.

Oh. Maybe I'll stick with the net. I'm sure it will be fine. I'm sure it will be fine. Poop! That is a 27. That's a shame. Yeah.

Ethel, what did you roll? Because you guys are looking at the same painting. A natural 20, my friend. Oh! You are like snapped out of it. You can feel yourself being pulled into this city and you're like, oh, you pull yourself

back. You, however, do not. You start to think about your time on the boat. You think about the times when you were just alone on the deck, looking out into the water, maybe looking for boats behind you,

boats ahead of you. And then you start thinking about that water and you start feeling really anxious and scared of water. Oh, come on. What did you roll? Me? Yeah.

I rolled a natural two. So a 20. I would be tempted to use a bottle cap here. And I might have one if John Elway had been assigned a higher number in high school. So I guess we really know whose fault this is.

I know who to blame. All right. Here's what I need you to do. I need you to roll a second will save as you start, like, dancing. 29. You made it. Thank God. You were being targeted by the spell

Uncontrollable Dance. But you failed your initial save, so you not only have the urge to join the painting's dance, but any dance as success, except the creature also becomes cursed to feel the urge to dance whenever they hear music or can see other creatures dancing. I'll take that one. I mean, that just describes Skid and Roll.

I've been living with that exact curse my entire life. That's Skid to a T. When the urge returns, the creature attempts another saving throw against uncontrollable dance, except you use the result one degree of success better than what you rolled. So, kind of a best-case scenario for you. Okay. Unfortunately, Eris, you find yourself alone in a landscape with this horrible creature. Please go to the map, everyone.

Oh. Let's see what you see. Oh, no! Roll for initiative. Oh, my God! Wait, I didn't see it. Can you show me again? Roll for initiative!

Should we roll? Are we involved? Or is this going to be a head-to-head duel? You guys can roll, or you can take five. Wait, so it came out. It's in the room, right? You don't know. You're sweating.

I'm seeing maybe chicken hands? Hands and snakes. Not bad, not bad, not bad. What did you get there? Urus. 32. Don't forget your battle cry. And I've got a feat called Battle Cry,

which what it does, I'm going to tell you. Please. When I roll initiative, I'm going to yell a mighty battle cry and try to demoralize an observed foe as a free action. So I'm going to try to demoralize you. All right, go ahead. It's going to be against my will DC, I believe. Let me see.

Yes. Yes? How do you know that? I know a couple of things. Troy just told me. Oh, okay. Natural 20. Oh, okay. Oh, natural 20. Oh! Oh!

Can you believe that? I demoralized that. What is the total? Plus my intimidate. 40. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 40. He turns around and sees Eris and is like, What the fuck is that? 40. Oh my god. Oh my god. 40. He turns around and sees Eris and is like,

What the fuck is that? What the fuck? 40. Like the neck mouth you see under the cloak and you see her chicken hands. He's just like, oh no. Standing up. Oh no.

This is like Godzilla versus Gabra or something. This is so funny. So a 40 would be a regular success, but because you rolled the natural 20, it would be a critical. It's now Frightened 2. Amazing! That makes sense. This is Frightened 2.

Oh, there's no matter. That thing's so scared. Frightened 2. Oh, snake eye. Don't mess with Eris. What did you roll, Ethel? Natural 1. Oh my god. The highs and the lows. For a 19. 19.

Aldo. I got a 33. 33. Larry. Larry. 33. Oh. That's actually a 21 for Ethel.

Sorry, I forgot. I forgot my battlefield surveyor. Suki. Got a 38 with my incredible initiative. Is that your new accent? What? You guys rolled really well. You did not roll as well as my 41.

That is, you just make things up up here. 41. Let's get down to business. Let's get down to business It reaches out towards you Yeah You can feel its snaky tendrils Reaching into your mind Dulling your senses

Making you feel like a baby A stupid baby Give me What? Stupid baby. Give me a will save. Okay. It's fine. This is fine. Okay. 31. Is that your final answer?

Um. What do we think? Say a higher number. Higher? Just add five. Higher! Higher! Higher!

Higher? I'll have to use my... My hands are so sweaty. Should I... What could it possibly do? It's frightened, too. I know. It's so scared.

So scared of you. Don't let him bully you. 31's a pretty good roll. I'm going to keep it. I feel like it could be worse. Yes. And I want to save it for that. He's trying to trick you.

Yeah. It could be worse. Yeah, don't forget it. The Joe O'Brien story. Take it from Joe. It could be worse. Yeah, don't forget it. The Joe O'Brien story. Take it from Joe. It could be worse. However, you are stupefied two for one round. Oh.

That's not good for you. Stupefied two for one round. Not a great thing to have as a caster. Stupefied two. Final action. Oh, shit. It will... Stupid spider. Final action.

Oh, shit. It will... reach out with its other hand, and a snake comes out to try and bite you. Fuck. Nice. 26 to hit. That's my AC.

Is that including the frightened minus two? 20, 40. Yes! Yes! On Christmas. I love Christmas. All right. That is the end of its turn. So here is what it looks like to all of you.

You see the creature in this room. You think you have been transported to another place. Oh, awesome. And you can all fight the creature. It room. You think you have been transported to another place. Oh, awesome. And you can all fight the creature. It is Suki's turn. Huh. Oh, okay, okay. Does it seem like, I turn around,

I hear something or whatever, I turn around, does it seem like Eris doesn't see us then? Like, is she like... Yeah. Okay, so we're not in the space with her. She just doesn't even see us. No. You heard her yell, her battle cry, but like,

if you look at her, there's no there there. She's just kind of staring at this creature. What do you do? Okay. I am stupefied, but not stupid. And I'm gonna to cast Lightning Bolt. First, I'm going to make a flat check.

And I'm going to pass it. And I did. Okay. So you have to make a basic reflex save. Basic reflex save. Ooh, tweener. 40. God.

So 40, a critical success? Are you joking? No, I don't joke. No, it's not a critical success, but you do succeed. Okay. Half damage. So you take half damage. So let me just roll.

What's the DC of your save? Is it? It's a 29. Yeah. Oh, it is. Wait. 40. 40 is 11 higher than 29.

She'll get there. 10. 10's the crit success, and that's more than that. So let me just... Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Do you have any other actions? Yes.

I command Pepsi. Okay. My awesome fucking snake and thank you to Laura who made me this amazing 3D printed Pepsi snake and I'll set the record straight right now because I've never said it on air or live Pepsi is a green boa constrictor

so my green boa constrictor this is not to scale that looks like it could fit on an arrow this could fit on an arrow you could just it? This could fit on an arrow. I think. You could just put that on an arrow and shoot it to another ship. Maybe a ballista crossbow.

This Pepsi's canon. So I'm going to command Pepsi, and now Pepsi. It's weird. I don't see Pepsi on the map. Oh, there he is. My sweet, sweet boy is going to go up to this guy who's so scared, and he's going to take a chomp. Hello.

Hello. All right, attack away. That's a 29 to hit? 29 to hit? Yeah. That's a hit. Nice. There you go.

Okay, all right. My boy, my sweet baby boy. My sweet baby boy. My sweet baby boy. All right. So that's going to be 12 points of piercing damage. Nice. Oh, the snake bites the snake. He's going to bite one of its snaky tendrils.

Snake on snake. Snake on snake. Snake on snake. And that's my turn. That's your turn. Pretty good. Pretty good, Tsuki. Aldo, you're up.

Aldo is hoping that no music happens right now. He's going to move into a little better position to hit this thing, and he's going to throw the lightning bolt having failed to connect. He's going to try to throw a bottle of lightning at it. Okay. Natural one.

Oh! Oh! No. Can I give Skid my bottle cap? No, no, it is fitting. The day they will tumble fan Do you want... Can I give Skid my bottle cap? No, no, it is fitting. It is fitting to have a natural one in the natural one of cities. How dare you?

Give me a fumble from Philadelphia. They will wait for you in the parking lot and beat the shit out of you. They will not find my limo. The limo driver will beat the shit out of you. They will not find my limo. The limo driver will beat the shit out of you. Alright, sorry. This took me a second. This is going to be a ranged fumble, right? Ranged fumble.

Ranged from Boney. Ranged from Boney. Alright, let's see. We've got Ben from Ramsey, New Jersey. Ben? Ben? No. Suck it, Ben. All right. Sucks for most, but not all is the title of this fumble.

No matter how good you are in your craft, sometimes you miss with dire consequences. Oh, no, not dire. Was dire spelled D-I-E-R-E? It's a big wolf that comes out. Your attack misses and ricochets towards your closest ally. Oh, great. Unless this misses Skid.

Are you reading this? In which case, your attack first hits your intended target for half damage. Oh! Then ricochets to your ally for the same amount. I don't want you making fun of my town. Wow! Then ricochets to your ally for the same amount. I don't want you making fun of my town. Wow! See? This is the benefit of working the refs for like five

years. That is amazing. Alright, so you're going to hit him for half and then it looks like the closest ally in this case would be Eris. Okay, so eight points of damage to each. Okay. And does the...

I think it would be Suki, just want to point out. Sergeant Suki. Sergeant Suki. No, the closest ally to your target. Oh, to the target, okay. I just wanted to be fair. I just wanted to be fair. That's Pepsi.

I never do. Oh, wait. It said, if we go by the wording, we are word sticklers. Your attack misses and ricochets toward your closest ally. It doesn't say closest. So it could be Pepsi. But yeah, you could have it closest to ricochet off to... Aldo's equidistant from Suki and Pepsi.

All right, I'll roll a chance here. One, two, three, Suki. Four, five, six, Eris. It's five, so Eris. It would be not Eris. It would be not Eris. It would be Pepsi. It's fine. All right.

You want to really go at it? You want to keep going on this? Don't worry. This isn't going to matter. Hey, hey, it's Christmas. We shouldn't argue. I'm sorry. This eight point of hit points won't matter.

We're going to kill it. Yeah, you're so right. Will you? Adeldo, do you have more actions? My first action would be to ask if the secondary effects of the bomb are effective, given the result of the fumble. No. Okay.

Then no. Okay. All right. So no. So now I am going to throw an alchemist fire. Okay. A little fire for the scarecrow. A little fire for the scarecrow. A fire for the scarecrow. That is a 32

to hit. That is a hit. Okay. You guys are rolling. Where's this rolling been? Uh... That is... Uh... That is 13 points of damage. Yikes. Plus two persistent fire damage.

Okay, that'll tick on his turn. Is it two or is it like... Oh, yeah, it's opposite fire. Yeah, it's two. All right, two persistent fire. That'll tick at the end of his turn. I'll roll that flat check. Anything else?

That's it. I'm done. That's a good round. Could have been a lot worse. Not too bad for a round with a fumble in it. Let's kick it over to Philadelphia's native son, Joe O'Brien. Yeah! Let's do it.

Yeah, I think Atticus, oh, man, he had the same idea as Suki with the lightning bolt, but seeing the way this thing just dodged around it like it was nothing. Yep. He's going to try to go for that straight AC hit. So he is going to grab a that straight AC hit. He is going to grab

a book from the desk. I should probably put this on the... Wait, didn't I already... Oh, you hit that thing again? What do you want to do? You want to put a book up there? What are you going to do? I'm going to take that book, lift it off the desk, and smack him in the face

with it. So I'm going to do a telekinetic projectile. Is it a paper bag? I think it's a hardcover. It looks like a hardcover to me. Shut up! Here we go. It's the Great Gatsby.

Rolling to hit. God damn it! No damage. That is 24 to hit. That's a miss. The 35-page paperback flies limply from your hand. So stupid. And then I'm going to... You know what? I'm going

to recall knowledge on this thing. Okay. So give me a... You think occultism? You think arcana? I think occultism. I think also religion. Oh, religion. Oh, no. No. No. No. Let's do occultism. Here we go.

Recalling knowledge. That is a 30. Recall knowledge on the occult. This is a fiend known as a Dorvay. A Dorvay. That thing you put around the edge of your bed.

Yeah. Yes, a Dorvay cover. Yeah. So dumb. Yes, a Dorvay cover. So dumb. Alright, so... A treacherous foe indeed. These are nasty. Have you ever tried to put a Dorvay cover on?

It's so hard to get in there. They are spellcasters. Their snakes have horrible venom in them. And... 30? That's pretty good. They have a weakness. Good 10.

Whoa. I wish anyone in this party was good. I know. None of us are any good at anything. Nobody here's good at anything. Yeah. Oh, okay. So he'll share that with the group in narrative terms.

Is anyone good? What? What else? Anything else? You guys done? That's the end of my turn. Okay. Free action fist bumps Sidney.

Oh, yeah. Suki fist bumps him. That's a standard. Eris, you are now up. You're stupefied, too, but you have frightened this horrible fiend. So, I don't know that I'm in the room still. No, you don't see your allies at all.

Like, I can't really move. Like, what does it mean if I want to move? You can move. You can move about the space. Feel free to explore the space. About the room that I'm in or the painting. Basically, if you move about the space, you think you're moving through this landscape, but you're actually just moving within the confines of this room.

So if you were to walk all the way to the wall, you would feel like you can't walk any further, even though you're looking out in an endless dark horizon. She's on the holodeck. You hear, like, little sounds of your friends, but they sound like they're miles and miles away, and you don't see them. but they sound like they're miles and miles away and you don't see them. I want to try to figure out how to get out of that. Like this understanding that I'm not in the room.

You're trapped there forever. Is there a way that I can roll like some knowledge to figure out how to get out or something? Yeah, sure. Occultism? Sure. Okay. Give me an occultism check um big math uh 35 35 um you think that until this creature is defeated, you are trapped here.

And if you go down here, it's possible that your friends might not be able to save you. You may die in this painting. That's what you think. That's what I think? Yep. Well, if that's what I think? Yep. Well, if that's what I think... Are you stalling

by any chance? I want to cast Dimension Door, but it's complicated because I'm in a painting, you cast it to a location you can see, but none of this is real. That's very cool.

Super interesting. I think you just do real. It's very cool. It's a cool idea. I think you just do it. Here's my guess. Ready? I'm going to throw this right out at you. Just do it. And if the result is bad for you, something bad happens, he's going to give you a bottle cap for doing that.

I know Troy. Oh, yeah, no question. Yeah. He's so generous with them. It's a sure thing. He's just, but Troy's a big Kate fan Yeah Shit

So I use one action to do that And then I mean like It makes sense I want to use two actions To dimension door away from the creature Love it Do it Do it

Do it So dad dimension door Is where you teleport the creature. Love it. Do it. Do it! Do it! So, Dad, Dimension Door is where you teleport to another place really fast without having to walk there. Here's the problem with Dimension Door. You instantly transport yourself and any items

you're wearing and holding from your current space to a clear space within range that you can see. You cannot see this room. So you really can just dimension door to another part of this room, but to you, you're still trapped in the painting. Does that make sense? Yeah, but I'll still be far away from it.

Sure, yeah, you can dimension door away. It would provoke if he has an AOA. If? One would think that would be part of the recall knowledge. One would think. It never part of the recall knowledge. One would think. It never is. It never is. It's the very last piece of information.

It's always the last piece. The most useful piece of information is always the last one he's willing to give out. Kate, I'm putting you on the hot seat. Five. You're putting me on. Four. Dimension door. Three.

Nice. Where do you go? I go away from the creature, like back away from it. Okay. You can control your character. Where do you go? I go away from the creature, like back away from it. Okay. You can control your character. Where do you actually go? Try to go, well, I can't back up from it. No.

Exactly. You can move to the other side of the room, but to you, you're just moving somewhere else in this dark desert. I try to move as far away from it as I can, so I'm moving as far away from it in the room as I can, which is right by the stairs. Okay.

It does not attack you. Nice. Had Joe not said anything, you may have earned a bottle cap. It is now... Boo! Boo! I had a bottle cap when I started, and you took it away. Your heart's an empty hole.

Ethel, you're up. Okay. Ethel is unfortunately five feet outside of his stride range on this. So he's going to have to do a sudden charge. My god, that was so sudden. It was so sudden. So for two actions, I stride twice and make one

strike. Stride, strike, twice. Good, just do it. That's the holiday season. My nog is talking. Scooby-doo. It's a 28 to hit. 28 to hit is a miss. With the frightened?

I'm looking to see if frightened affects AC. It does. You? Is an AC considered a DC? Yes. Fuck this game. Yeah! That's what you get for taking away my bottle cap.

Yeah, that's what you get. Okay, 19 points of bludgeoning damage and 3 points of cold damage. Cold as ice. That is cold. So 21 total damage to this thing as you charge up next

to it. That's awesome. I'm going to take another swing. Yeah. Oh, okay. Third action. Okay. That'll be a 36 to hit. Son of a bitch.

Damn. That's a hit. Is it a crit? The soul is ice. It is not a crit. What'd you roll? 36. 36. That is a crit.

Yeah! Critical crit. Really? Critical crit. Critical threat. Really? Critical threat. Critical. The right kick was so clutch. Right? The frightened at the beginning of this combat

is saving our butts. I'll just look up. Joe, what are you doing right now? It's 26 now. Okay. I got it. You guys ready? No. No, he doesn't pull a now. Okay. I got it. You guys ready? No.

No, he doesn't pull a crit. Stop. Don't touch us. That's 30 points of bludgeoning and four points of cold. God! Nice! I'm just wailing on you with my hammer. You're hammering him.

All right. Are you done? I'm done. Merry Christmas. You done hammering that team? Merry Christmas, baby! Merry Christmas, Matthew! Question.

Does my stupefy go down on the end of my turn or your turn? It is permanent. No, it... I think yours was for one round. For one round, yeah. So it'll be... Oh, you needed to roll a flat check for that dimension job. Oh, yeah.

Thank you, Chase. Here we go. The Grinch is in town, I guess. The Grinch and his little dog. Have another rule, Rube. The Grinch and his little dog. All right, what is the DC? 18.

Seven. It would have been seven. It's five plus five, two. So I'm not stupefied anymore. Yeah, because it's the beginning of his turn right now, and so your stupefied condition ends. It doesn't matter. He's going to kill Matthew.

Not Ethel. Matthew. He's going to kill... Here we go. All right, so here's what this piece of shit's going to do. He is going to... Are we slating? Let us pray.

The creature's turn. Take one. Revenge of the creature's turn. First we're going to do a claw. A little claw. Frightened to? I'm aware that he's frightened to. On high roll. Shit in my mouth.

Not for free. That is a 28 to hit. That is a miss. Yeah! How? How? All right, second attack. With the claw.

Frightened. Son of a bitch. Yeah, it's. With the claw. Frightened. Son of a bitch. Yeah, it's another miss. 23. That's a miss. He, uh... Troy's gonna roll! Troy's gonna roll!

Troy's gonna roll! He kills himself. No, I'm gonna attack you one more time. Actually, yeah. Fuck this game so hard. All right, here we go. You're gonna try to scare me. Come on. I'm going to throw this die into the audience if I don't hit you.

Was that neon green? No. Congratulations. That die's worthless. It's a wasted horrible turn. It's Suki's turn. It's a wasted, horrible turn. It's Suki's turn. Speaking of wasted, horrible turns. What a segue.

Let's see how we lashed out. Do you have a cup of Sour Patch Kids? Yes. Do you want some? Yes. Yes, I do. There you go. I smell sex and we can live here.

This turtleneck does not breathe. I took off my sweater. I was way too hot. Sorry, the Christmas is gone. That's not a wicking turtleneck. It's just a mock turtleneck. It ends right there. It's a performance turtleneck.

Is it a turtleneck that's just like, just this? Yeah, the mock turtleneck. It's a bib. If you pulled over that sweater, we'd see both nipples. It's just a, just this. It's a bib. If you pulled over that sweater, we'd see both nipples. Just a nipple cover. So Suki seeing that Eris is acting very strangely and is worried about her friend, but also hearing Eris mumble that this is a fiend

and she needed to get away from it, Suki then quickly thinking she's going... That was that again? Anyway, so... Who cares? Oh yeah, we fist bump. So she just finished fist bumping Atticus and then she just takes her hand. It's one action.

She takes her hand and she's going to cast Searing Light. Yeah, there we go. Heightened. So I'm going to roll Heightened. So I'm going to roll heightened because I'm out of the other spell slot. So I'm heightening it, but hell yeah, it's going to do

so much damage to your ass. You're going to roll your flat check first? Nailed that flat check. That's a natural 18. So now let's do my roll to hit. Oh my god, that's the perfect spell. If the target is a fiend or undead, you deal an extra 5d6 good damage.

Shit. Battle cap. Wait, is it still... It's now frightened one. Frightened one. I gotta roll my flat check. I take the two persistent damage and I rolled a 15, so no longer on fire.

It's not going to hit. Fuck. Your reward is the extra damage. I'm going to do bottle cap. Yeah. You're going to bottle cap the damage roll? No, no, I'm going to bottle cap it to hit. I don't think this is going to hit.

Okay. We know the AC is now, what, 27? It's like 26 or 27. Yeah, I would have gotten a 26, and I just don't think that's enough. I don't think that's going to hit anymore. And I don't want to lose this spell. I want you to lose this spell.

Oh, okay. So that's going to be a 30. Yes! Yes! Yes! Steering light! Okay, so you're going to take... Oh, my God. I've got to use an online roller.

Five, six, seven. 7d6 of fire. The target takes double fire damage as well. Oh, no. Is that a crit success? No, that's just a regular success. Regular success. Damn.

If it was a crit, you would have taken double good damage because you're a fiend. It's going to do 5d6 fire and 7d6 good. Excuse me. No, no. 7d6 fire and 7d6 good if you've heightened it. You heightened it? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

Everybody stop talking. 7d6 fire. Oh, you're right, you're right. And 7d6 good because it's a fiend. And you heightened it. You're right. Phenomenal. I'm so6 good because it's a feat. And you heightened it. You're right. I'm so excited. Roll it.

I am. Stop yelling at me. 14d6, and then it's going to take another 10 points of damage because it's weak to gut. You might fucking kill this thing. Roll faster. I'm stalling so you can do the math. Sydney, you might kill this in one shot. You can do this right now.

This is it. Oh, man, Sydney. You see, you shot. You can do this right now. This is it. Oh, man, Sydney. In one shot. Yeah, for Sydney. Suki focuses all of her energy into this bolt, and it does 45 damage. It's still very alive. Oh, my God.

Did you take the extra 10? Yes, I took the extra 10. Maybe I took the extra 10. Okay, so that's two actions, and then I'm going to command Pepsi again, and she just yells, and Pepsi's going to bite. Pepsi's going to bite.

Pepsi's going to bite. Pepsi's going to miss. Yeah, that's a 20. All right, that's okay. That's okay, Pepsi. He did some damage last time. Pepsi's going to bite again, actually. I forgot.

Two actions on. Okay. Pepsi's going to miss. Moving on to Aldo. Aldo had a tough round last time. That was not that great, but better than I could have hoped. Yes. All right.

I'm going to try. Aldo is going to get into a flanking position Semi-flanking position He's going to run across the room A little semi-flank Semi-flank sitch And he's going to throw another bottle of lightning At this horrible thing What did you say?

That is a That is a 40 to hit What? Wait, no, no, no 30, sorry Well that's a hit hit. What? Wait, wait, no, no, no, 30. Sorry, 30. Well, that's a hit. Okay. A palpable hit. Okay, that is

15 points of electricity damage. Okay. And the dude is off guard. Oh! Until the start of my next turn. It's so funny because we were playing the other night and I was going through my notes

and I found the lyrics to Flatfooted, the parody song that I wrote. You debuted here at the first Fast on the Floor. That's right. Was anybody in that karaoke room? No, that was Indianapolis, wasn't it? I think it was Indianapolis. We did karaoke here in Philly, too.

We did, yes. We had sushi, and then we went to karaoke. We had sushi, and then we... Oh, no, that's right. I skipped the karaoke. You're right. Anyways, song's obsolete, so I'm going to re-sing again. Off God, check it and see...

I don't remember this song. You lost your bonus to your AC. It's like something, something, now you can't use your dex. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. Are you attacking again? I am. So now I am throwing a dread ampule at the creature.

That is another 30 to hit. Son of a bitch. Okay. I was really excited about this guy. Okay, that is 11 points of damage. Oop. And they are... Well, they're already Frightened 1.

Yeah, so that was stupid. We're having a good time. Is that it? Well, actually, I mean, I guess they would be frighten one until the beginning of... Yeah, I think you'll basically extend the duration. Yeah, okay. Yeah. That was it.

Okay. Good round. All right, we're good. I don't want your pity. Come on. It's too late. They already gave it to you. It's too late. Joe, what do you got?

What do you got for us here? Atticus was going to unload with some really powerful spells, but seeing that this creature is weak and sucks. Throwing that at Joe or at me? What? Go birds. How are the giants doing, Troy?

This is the other thing you'll get in Philly, honestly, though, is more sports fans than any other city in our show. That's true. And I respect that. ES Eagles! All right, he's going to do the same thing. He's not going to unload his deeper spell list. He's going to keep trying to pummel this creature

with a telekinetic projectile, pulling another object off of one of these desks, perhaps an inkwell. And smash it into the creature's face. Okay. Come on! Natural three! Ah.

Damn it! All right, so that was terrible. Atticus is then going to use his last action to, I think he sees, using his occultism, I think he's going to try to see a weakness within the creature that Ethel can exploit. So he's going to aid Ethel

for his last action to show him an opening, perhaps under this creature's wing or something like that. So I'll attempt an occultism check when the situation arises. Eris. Hey.

Hey. What do you got? How is it looking generally to me, hit point wise? It's teetering. It's teetering? It's teetering as you stand alone in this landscape, like two cowboys ready to duel. Would it be characterized as near death

by the Order of the Amber Dies practices? I don't think so. What does that mean? That means generally it's within one hit of going down. Yeah, I mean... Well, it depends on the hit. It's within a reasonably strong hit of going down. Yeah, I think it would take a massive hit to take it out.

So it's hurt. It's injured. What are you thinking? The key is do as much damage as you can before it gets around to its turn. I'm just gonna do what I wanna do. So I'm gonna use two actions to cast a spell. All right. And I need a basic fortitude save from Nyo.

A little basic fort save. Okay, we'll give him minus one for frightened. Here we go. Let's see what his fort is. Probably pretty deece. Pretty deece? You're saving so much time. Deece fort bone. I mean,

I am rolling like shit. Yes! Troy's gonna roll! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tellh. Yes! Troy's gonna roll. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. 22. Fail! Yeah!

I cast Rip the Spirit. Oh! What is that? So I use two actions to cast, targeting one living creature in range, and it's 10d6 negative damage. Oh my god. Instead of 5d6, and if you

fail the will save, well it's just a basic will save, it wouldn't just happen. Will or for? I do a will now. Oh, no, no, sorry, fortitude. Oh my god, sweaty hands. 10d6. I'm going to use the online roller. Okay. 31 points of damage. Nice! Whoa! Still standing!

Now he's near death, I would assume. I would assume. One would assume. And that was two actions. That was two. So with my last one, who's going next in the initiative? In the initiative order, it is Ethel. Ethel, I'm going to cast Guidance on Ethel.

Very nice. I'm not there. You got it. Oh, yeah, you can't see him. Nice try, cheater. Oh, shit. I forgot. I'm in the room You got it. Oh, yeah, you can't see him. Nice try, cheater. Oh, shit. I forgot. I'm in the room, but I can't see you.

Then I'm going to, since I think I'm alone and I just hit it real big, I'm going to cast Shield on myself. There you go. All right, Ethel, it is your turn and then the Dorvay. And Eris is ignoring you. What do you do? Well, you see her. She's, like, up in the corner of the wall trying to step away from it, and she can't.

And she's like, what the hell's going on? I'm like stuck, but I'm in space. Yeah, you guys see Panic's sort of frantically cornering herself back there. What are you going to do, Ethel? Oddly, Ethel is not thinking about Aeris at this moment. He's got the Warhammer for once. He's got the Warhammer, and he's got the hatchet. And he's like, my ex-wife and I

got into so many fights trying to cover you. Double slice. Yes. I have an aid coming. I don't know if it'll do anything. It will hopefully help. I rolled another natural three. Wow. That's a 25, though. That's great, because I rolled another natural three. Wow.

That's a 25, though. Well, that's great, because I rolled a natural two and a natural one. Oh, my. However. Let's go. That is a 25 to hit on the Warhammer. Miss. Miss.

Then the other one's a natural one. A natural one. Oh, my God. Any other people from New Jersey? No, we got Justin from Philadelphia. The other one's a natural one. A natural one. Oh, my God. Any other people from New Jersey? No, we got Justin from Philadelphia, maybe. There's probably a Justin in the room, but I see some hands up. Hi, Justin.

Justin, we're talking about sports. We're talking about sports. You're talking about practice? Practice? The title. We're not talking about the games. We're talking about practice? We're not talking about the games. You've practiced a little more or trusted the process

Because now you've really done it You flail your weapon wildly To maintain your balance Your weapon gets lodged In a crack in the floor, a nearby door Or some other prop You're professional improvisers, you come up with something reasonable Very well put

It gets lodged in Pepsi You must spend an interact action to free your weapon. All right, it's my hatchet, so I'm not going to. Okay. Good for you. So it gets lodged in that table right next to the guy. Instead, I'm going to take a third attack with the Warhammer. Are you talking about practice?

Are you talking about practice? We're not talking about the game. We're talking about the game. 30 to hit. That's a hit. Okay. Ooh. Okay. 20 points of bludgeoning and 6 points of cold. 20 points of bludgeoning, 6 points of cold.

It is still up. No! If you had hit it with any of those first two attacks, you had it. But now I get one more chance. I have rolled terribly. I hate all of my dice. You're down one die. Except this one.

This one never steers me wrong. What one is that? This is the one from Androids and Aliens that rolled like six natural 20s during Starship Combat. Oh, wow. I don't even roll that much anymore because it's like a die that cheats. It's like a weapon of mass destruction. But since we're in the town... It's regulated by the UN.

You can't even use that one anymore. That die is single-handedly responsible for so much extra editing work on your part. Since we're in the town of the Tushbush, I figure I can cheat too. Here we go. The brotherly shove. Here we go. The brotherly shove. Here we go.

I'm going to claw you. Come on, you piece of shit guy. All right. No longer frightened, right? No, it's frightened one. It's frightened one. Okay, that's fine. There's going to be a 36.

That is a regular hit. Let's go. Oh, no. Don't do it. On your way out the door, what are you going to do? Something horrible. Oh, almost. Oh!

Almost max damage. Oh! 29 points of slashing damage. Oh! First action. Second action, grab. Third action, writhing snakes. No!

No! That sounds pretty horrible. As it has you grabbed, all of the snakes start coming out of its folds, underneath the cloak, out of all of the arm sleeves, and start writhing and wrapping around you, and just bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite. I need you to roll a fortitude save and you will take a degree of success

one worse than what you actually roll. So if you succeed, you fail. If you fail, you critically fail. Oh my God. What if you critically fail? If you critically fail, you double critically fail. You immediately die and have to leave the stage.

Says right here. Oh, no. Did you use your bottle cap? Oh, no. Did you use it? Use your bottle cap. Did you use it? I'm going to use the bottle cap.

Damn. You sit back down, sir. I'm very excited. You sit down. Okay. That is a 36, but because of my juggernaut feat, if that's a regular success, it becomes a critical success. Oh, so it cancels it out? Oh, ho, ho. Oh, ho, of my juggernaut feat, if that's a regular success, it becomes a critical success. Oh, so it cancels it out?

Oh! Juggernaut! He's the juggernaut, B-word. Nothing happens. Yeah! Nothing happens. No, because it was a poison. I just needed to get...

Failure! Troy, your thoughts on bottle caps in Pathfinder 2nd Edition? I should have given out corks, since we're in City Winery. That would have been fun. Bottle cork. Bottle cork. Bottle cork. I think we just say cork.

I think we're called bottle corks. All right, who wants to end this stupid encounter? Suki! Dumb game. Yeah, I mean, Suki, I'm running out of spells, too, because we fought Mun, Hollow Mun, and I'm running out of spells, so you know what? I'm just going to draw my composite shortbow,

which I never use, because I'm a fucking druid. The snakes are trying to bite me. That's a lot of snakes. There's kind of a lot of them. I'll shoot the snakes specifically. I'm starting to lose my calm. You're grabs, but don't worry. I've got this. Why are you shooting at me?

Why do you have a gun? I'm shooting like a pistol. Are you a drow? I never use this.357 Magnum because I'm a druid. But in this situation... Hold very still. She pulls out a Glock. She pulls out a Glock, and she just... Is that gun made out of wood, druid?

I also read it. In my mind, it was a crossbow so this made a lot more sense but it is indeed a shortbow. Right. It's like the gun John Malkovich's gun

in In the Line of Fire. Yeah. That's a very inside joke. That's a good movie. Poopy on Poopy on a butt. That's That's a 21.

That's a big old miss with your gun. Poopy on a butt. Poopy on a butt. Stop's a big old miss with your gun. Boopie on a butt. Boopie on a butt. Stop shooting at me, please. I can't even hit on my second attack, so I'm going to command Pepsi as my second action, and I will cast Guidance as my third action on...

You needed an action to pull out your bow, so commanding Pepsi is the last. You're out your bow, so... You're right. Commanding Pepsi's the last. You're right, you're right, you're right. I'll just command Pepsi then. Thank you, George. Okay, Pepsi away. Why are you sending more snakes?

Yeah, right. The last thing I need is more snakes! This is classic Escalation. Don't worry, Pepsi can handle it. It's his own kind. They're trying to eat me alive. It's actually quite brutal that I'm doing this. Wow. This whole table... No, it's not, it's'm doing this. Wow.

This whole table. No, it's not. It's not. It's not. Just a seven. You guys ever been there? The die is kind of hard to read, and you think it's a one. Yeah. So that's going to be a 24.

That's a miss. That's a miss. Okay, so Pepsi's second attack. He needs a high number. Don't bite me, Snake. Okay, so Pepsi's second attack. He needs a high number. Don't bite me, Snake.

That's a natural one for Pepsi. Oh, my God. That's no seven. Pepsi bites his own tail, I guess. That's no seven. Oh, my God. It would be so funny if it bites Ethel. It's a fumbling kind of night Alright, do we have Tyler Dorton Beck

From Philadelphia in the audience Oh It's Tyler Alright, this is fine Only because it's you But if Pepsi dies, I fucking hate you, Tyler Alright, this one is Too much butter on that roll

Oh no Your weapon slips out of your hand But you're a snake All right, this one is too much butter on that roll. Oh, no. Your weapon slips out of your hand, but you're a snake. Oh, if you're using a natural weapon, you overextended yourself and fall prone. GM should make a reasonable accommodations for a save if this would result in a weapon falling off a cliff or similar result. So basically, you fall prone. You go... I don't know. I'm all upside down.

Pepsi pulled a muscle. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I object. You go, I don't know. I'm all upside down. Pepsi pulled a muscle. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I object. You object? Yeah, because Tyler Dorton was in Ed Norton's head the whole time.

He was imaginary. I don't think that fumble should count. If he was real, I would say sure. I agree with Skid. So I guess Pepsi's fine. Thanks, Skid.

Too bad the author of the fumble isn't here to clear it up. Let's go to Aldo's turn. Thank you. One more hit, Aldo. One more hit! I can't wait to experience this glory. You earned it. Here it comes.

I can feel it. I can feel it coming. I'm ready to drink McD's bourbon in celebration of you. Okay. Aldo is going to clamber up onto this table next to the fiend. And he's going to shout. It's like, you are nothing but a piece of crap. Ooh. And he's going to.

How dare you. Is he frightened two again now? Now he's frightened four. He should be frightened four. I'm going to throw a moderate fire Natural 19 That was a 38 to hit Is he still frightened? No

I didn't roll my flat check I'm so confused You had persistent damage you didn't take I wiped out the persistent But he's flat footed from your bomb from before, does he remain flat-footed to the beginning of your turn or the end of your turn? No, he would be not flat-footed anymore, so. And you rolled a 38?

Uh, 38. That's a crit. Yeah! Alright. Describe your kill. Alright! Awesome. He's immolated.

He's just like engulfed in flames, and he perishes in the most painful possible way you could imagine. Wow. Cheers. Thank you. Troy, what does a fiend screaming in death sound like? No. Professional improviser, ladies and gentlemen.

Wow. Troy LaValle. No. Ah. Shit. Oh, no. Eris, as it falls, you're just like... Pulled back into this room, and you're standing in the corner, cowering.

You see Suki flat on her face. No. Pepsi is. Like this. And Suki runs over before going to Eris. Pepsi! Oh, my baby! Oh, you're right.

The snakes start to fall away from your body, Ethel, as the creature. It doesn't just fall to the ground. It like... As it's immolated but somehow doesn't injure me at all. It dissipates. It's a controlled immolation.

It's like the parks department. It's what they do. Controlled burn. Controlled burn. They're professionals. Yeah, so I'm being engulfed by snake bites, and then the snakes all catch on fire. It's like burning a tick off.

Do you want to be on fire? Ethel goes, Ah! Everest? Whoa. She's like scratching at the wall, and then she stops. I heard all of you around me,

but I was in like an abyss, that painting. I was in the painting with the monster alone. You were here the entire time. And I heard you, but you were far away. You were not in the painting. And I tried to get as far away from it as I could, but I couldn't get away from it. Eris, you're all right.

You were never in the painting. You were here. What are you talking about? I was in the painting. I was in the painting. You were here. What are you talking about? I was in the painting. I was in the painting too for a moment and then I sort of got pulled out of it and now I'm back.

I was also like that. I felt as if I was part of that odd city. Like I was turning into shapes or getting jagged in different places. I almost got eaten by snakes. Yeah, that was terrible. Also, I'm pretty badly hurt.

Oh. Oh, yeah, look at him. Oh, no. You are covered in snake bites. Yeah, I really hope none of those are poisonous. They're blowing up. You're swelling. What?

I think you're allergic. I didn't listen to the gaping wounds on your body. You're sweating. Eth? I think you're allergic. In addition to the gaping wounds on your body, you're sweating. Are you allergic to snakes? I don't know. Should I be? Would you like me to treat wounds? Do we have time? Is there a downtime? Can I treat wounds?

I hope so. I'm below half my hip voice. We didn't heal after the last fight. Yeah. I'll treat wounds and I'll let you know. I'll do it right now. So I'm below half my hip points. We didn't heal after the last fight. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'll treat wounds, and I'll let you know. I'll do it right now. Thanks. Atticus is going to scamper up, up and over the table,

and just try to reach the painting that Eris was standing in front of and attempt to just pull it off the wall, like from the bottom, just try to rip it down, because he's just freaked out that another one of these fiends could emerge from the painting somehow. You touched the painting? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Before he does, though, just looking around the room as we do, what's in the paintings now?

Like is the figure in the painting or is it not? As you go to rip it down, you know you don't want to spend too much time looking at it, but it does look empty. No figure. Just a dark, empty landscape. Well, he still wants to rip it down, see if there's anything behind it or if anything changes when it's down off the wall. You rip it down.

It smashes to the floor. And you see a safe on the wall. Oh! Behind it. Are you being serious? I think I would joke about it. This is a classic LaValle, like, and the answer to the adventure is right at your fingertips.

Like, really? He's like, no, there's nothing. There's a safe behind it. There is a safe? Yeah. Yeah! That's cool! Holy shit.

All right, so yeah, he looks at this safe. What does it look like? Is it like a dial-y knob situation? Is it a combination safe? Lock with a key? Excellent question. It is a safe. Ethel, you get 39 hit points back. It's just like a classic wall safe, combination wall safe. Combination wall safe. Ethel, you get 39 hit points back.

It's just like a classic wall safe, combination wall safe. There's something here. Could be something valuable. I'm going to try to get it. Something valuable? In a scythe? Something that could help us out. I'm going to do a perception

check first to see if I notice any traps. What level perception are you? I am trained Trained, okay Go ahead and give me a roll That is a 20 perception Looks fine They thought it was hidden behind the painting

There are no traps I know this with utmost certainty Should we all take a look maybe? And he slowly reaches his rat claw I'm not paying attention I'm treating Ethel

with my healer's gloves I put on these pristine white gloves and I touch you again for 20 no sorry 16 points more of health

Oh thanks I've got those too Oh you do? Yeah We high five We high five Is that good? Are you alright? Yeah. We high-five. We high-five. Is that good? Are you all right?

I'm still pretty hurt, but it looks like there's cool stuff on a sleeve. Wait, what's Atticus doing? Wait! Wait, my friend. I don't mean to impugn your abilities, but you have the equivalent of a bachelor's degree in perception, while I have the equivalent of a master's degree. So let me take a look. 20. Oh, my God.

I never studied. You tell him it looks fine. Yeah. No, you were correct. Can I go look, too? Sure. No, no, let me. look too. Sure.

No, no, let me. Did you pick the hardest die to read on a stage you could possibly find? 30. Oh. 30. The number on the die is the same color as the die. It's a very foolish design. And what level

perception are you? Trained? Expert. Expert, okay. It looks fine. Yep. Cool. Crack that baby open. I'm actually a master in perception. Ethel, could you stop speaking for one moment?

I'm trying to hear the inner workings of the lock. Big Joe fan over here. I like this guy. It's the Joe side of the Lock. Big Joe fan over here. I like this guy. It's the Joe side of the room. It's the big Joe side over here. Alright, I'm going to roll a thievery. Okay, a little disabled device.

A little disabled devising. That is a 29. 29. There you go. You are able to open it. Ooh. It opens and... A needle comes flying out. Aldo!

Shit. You told me it was safe. You told me it was safe. I wasn't actually a part of it. And she said, too. She don't blame me, my friend. It's like when someone hurts themselves and you get mad at them.

It's a 40 to hit. Jesus. That is a critical hit. All right. You only take two points of piercing damage, but as the lesser purple worm venom courses through your veins, Oh, no. I'd like a fortitude save.

Oh, no. Oh. And I am capless. Capless. Oh, no. As the purple worm courses faster, no. And I am capless. Capless! Oh, no. The purple worm courses faster. Faster. Kill.

Faster. Kill. Oh, no. I feel funny in my blood. That is a 32. That is a 32. 32. What do you think?

When I said 30, what jumped out at you? Is it a 32? 32. You're fine. Yeah! Oh, my God. You see, after the needle comes in, it starts to slowly reset itself. But I'll say there's six of you here.

You guys can fucking destroy it. Yeah, we'll disable that trap eventually. We all hit it. Ethel comes in and just slams it with the hammer. The needle accidentally hits you in the hand. More snakes. There's a bunch of books and stuff in there.

No, actually, no. There's books all over the room. There's 2,400 gold pieces. Oh, wow. Split between four thin leather bags. Wow. Now, I may need to convert that for 2EI. I'm not sure.

There's also a treatise on cabal magic. That could be worth a nice little penny to the right buyer. Yeah, that's awesome. So is that the primary value I find out of it? It doesn't have spells in it or anything like that? No, it's gold and this treatise on cabal magic. Okay. Kind of a rare

treatise. Well, how much is it worth? The treatise? Possibly 750 gold. Again, I've got to make sure. I want to look for a hidden compartment in the safe. Nothing. Really? You don't even want me to fake it or something?

All right, I'm going to try. You find three hidden compartments. I knew it. Natural 20. That's when I roll natural 20. There are no hidden... There's nothing. No, it's just gold.

Nothing here but worthless gold Throw it out the window Check the others And we'll start pulling the paintings off the walls Yeah you pull the paintings off the walls There's no other safes Punching through the canvas of each one With our head Head first.

There's books. I'm sure there's a hole behind this. There's various books and objet d'art in the room. Again, could be worth something to the right seller, but I don't know if you have the means of carrying this stuff out. I'm kind of strong. You can carry the gold. I got decent-sized muscles.

Even my ex-wife had to admit that. Weird character. I just, I don't know why you think I'm weird. When you love someone, you don't stop loving them. You turn your head on them. You just keep loving them. I think I'm still in the nightmare painting. Right?

Does everyone agree? Yeah. Okay. I think Suki ends Ethel's weird rambling about his ex-wife, and she takes Eris's face... She was just a very genuine person, you know? ...into her gloved little hands. Make it stop.

And she says, Are you all right? I think I'm still in the painting. He won't stop saying gross stuff. Hey, hey. About his ex-wife again. He can't take it anymore. Doesn't he know I like him?

We have a... That's every day. I lead her to the corner. We have a private Goyle moment. We have a Goyle moment. And I say, I'm glad that you're all right. You're no longer in the painting.

And you're very safe. And hey, I think Ethel likes you're alright. You're no longer in the painting. And you're very safe. And hey, I think Ethel likes you. Yeah? Yeah? Well, I don't care. And Suki lowers her hands very knowingly. I don't care about that.

I know. Who cares? Boys. Who even cares?? I know. Who even cares? But I just wanted to let you know, in case you cared at a later point in time, that's all.

And I think he would have been very upset if you were trapped in a painting for eternity. You ready to go back? Go back where? To the group. To the group? We walked over to the corner, remember? We're in the corner still?

Take a deep breath. Take as much time as you need, but this room could be trapped, so... Okay, let's go back to the group. Okay. Here, hold on. She wipes a little eyeliner, a little smudge from your tear. Here, okay. Okay.

Suki. Could you perhaps... And he just pulls part of his coat back and you see a huge gaping wound on his side. Jesus Christ. Don't want to interrupt your goyle moment. It's gwirl? Gwirl.

Gwirl. Gwirl. I think I said goyle. Gwirl. Gwyle. Why didn't you say anything before you removed the painting from the wall? Gwyle moment. I didn't know. Gwyle moment. Goyle. I think I said Goyle. Goyle. Goyle. Why didn't you say anything before you removed the painting from the wall? Goyle moment.

I didn't know. Goyle moment. Far too dangerous. You shouldn't... I think it was the adrenaline. It's running out now, and I'm feeling... You also have a... You got stabbed right in the head from that needle.

Do you want me to do something about that? Yes. Yes. While you're at it. Does anyone else need to treat wounds? I have continual recovery. I can just... I'm only eight hit points down,

so unless it's like a... I think I treated you with my words. Do you want me to help you with that? What? Huh? Huh? What? You're here?

I didn't even know you were here. I thought I was in a painting still. I mean, sometimes when I look at you, it looks like you're a painting. Wow. These paintings in this room are gross. So... I meant the other kind.

Well, I got a little scratch. Let me look at that. On my hand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see it. It hurts. Yeah. Yeah, I got a little scratch. Let me look at that. On my hand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see it. It hurts. Yeah. Yeah, I see it.

I see it. And I take your hand, and I'm like, oh, hang on, I need stuff. And I hide on the other end. I pretend to rummage through my things looking for a bandage, and I come back with a Band-Aid. Ow. When I get that feeling I'm in sexual healing.

Sexual. Oh, it's on? It's on? Are you sure? You're done? You're done? It's good, yeah. Thanks. Thank you. And Suki is sewing Atticus's side, and you get 40 points back

as I very cleanly sew it up. Holy shit. That was really good. That was like all the way back. It's like nothing ever happened. And Aldo, while this is happening, Aldo is dancing with Werner Hedgehog. He's pulled him out of his neck,

and he's just spinning around, dancing with him. We're so normal. That's the best part. Now we think up, right, is next. There are stairs leading up that appears to be the only way out of this horrible room. It's dark in here.

The dingy paintings make everything feel oppressive in here. Yes. Let us go up. Perhaps Mun is upstairs. I am really down on spells, and I just want to say that out loud for whatever reason.

Whatever may happen later, really low. Suki says that while leading the charge up the stairs. Just so you guys know. You're going first? I guess so. I'm drawn to go upstairs. Which, uh, where do you guys, you can make it. Can Ethel go first? I don't want to go first. Get up there,

you big boy. Pepsi should go first. And I, I, I'm glad your neck mouth's okay. Okay, I gotta go. And I go, I lead the group up. Upstairs. You lead the group up.

Stairs. Nailed it. Anticipation. Patient. Patient. As you start walking up the stairs, you hear clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Doom, doom, doom, doom.

Grenade! He's got so much PTSD. The next chamber... I dive down the stairs. Tackle the rest of us down the stairs. It's like clue. The next chamber is a veritable museum. You don't even get to the top of the landing,

and you see dozens of books, jars, glass containers of various sizes placed on nearly every horizontal surface in this lab. There's chemicals, there's unidentifiable sludge, the dissected bodies of alien-looking parts of creatures, and a rainbow of various slimes, molds, and fungi. It's like the mooter. You can see some of the larger containers are covered with a thick brown cloth. You don't even get halfway up the stairs, and you're overpowered by this stench of bleach, ammonia, and other unidentifiable chemicals filling the air.

The steps feel sticky underneath your feet. And, in fact, the chemical smell is so overwhelming, it starts to make your throat and eyes burn. As I mentioned, there are several jars in the room, some of which are covered. But when you get to the top of the stairs, you see movement behind some of the larger jars, and this creature comes out. Oh, no.

And as it does, you just hear this. And this large, like, patchwork creature comes out. It looks like it's been stitched together with skin and cloth, with bits of hay coming out of the seams. It's like some horrifying scarecrow. Roll for initiative. Oh my goodness. Okay.

Right back into it. Suki, what's your spell situation? Yeah, Suki, how are you doing with spells? Great, I got all of them. Actually more than I've got so many. Fuck. Alright, so it goes

Aris, Suki, Atticus, Al, Du, and Urse. Urse. I'm going to reveal the room, then we're going to talk about what you see. Oh, man. This is going to be fun. Don't forget Pepsi.

This is the creature that you see. Hello! Oh, that's a lot bigger than I thought it was. Oh! Pepsi. Pepsi. This is the creature that you see. Hello. Oh, that's a lot bigger than I thought it was. And then I was picturing it. The audience is just getting a zoom in on the pecs. Yeah. There's a face on one of them. A face on his poop.

There's a face on his boob. No. It's boob face. There's two. He's got another one. There's two faces on his head. And he seems to have a large blade for one arm and a wooden punchy hand for the other. He's got a wooden cudgel fist and a blade hand.

He also has two faces on his face. Did we talk about that? There's centipedes crawling on his body. Oh, no. He's going to be one of those bug guys. He's like a boogeyman. He's full of bugs. What are they called?

I can't remember. You can hear this horrible buzzing sound. Oh, he's filled with bugs. He's a boogeyman. He's like full of bugs. What are they called? I can't remember. This horrible buzzing sound. Oh, he's filled with bugs. He's a boogeyman. He is full of bugs. But we did, we fought one of these guys in Giant Slayer. The golems. That was one of Atkins' last pieces of art that he did for us. That's right.

I remember that fight. Aldo, what did you roll? 22. 22 for Aldo Atticus. 29. I turn it what did you roll? 22. 22 for Aldo Atticus. 29. I turn it over to Suki. 22. 22 for Suki Onaris. 17, but roll 24, sorry. Intimidate.

24. 24 for Suki Onaris. I got to roll Intimidate against the Will DC. Go. You roll. Oh, I roll to Intimidate. Okay. You can do that every initiative, not just once per day. I can. It doesn't say that I can't. 35.

There you go. 35, you've made this giant monstrosity afraid. Then again, you are gross. She's at least as gross as he is. You can't even see me, but you know that other thing was scared of me. All right, let me just see here. It's demoralized. Let me just see here. It's demoralized. Let me just see what traits.

I can't try to demoralize the same thing over and over again. It actually is not demoralized. It's immune to... It is a goal. It's immune to your bullshit. That's what I'm going to say. All right.

17 for Arys. Ethel. 26. 26 for Ethel. Joe, you're in your hometown. Your family is here watching. Don't delay in front of them.

I think Don't do it. There's only one choice. Your father is here. He picked you up from an orphanage not far from this very building when they were like, oh, we were just going to throw this one out.

And he's like, good. I was looking for a clearance, baby. He's here tonight. Yeah, he's here. He really loves your jokes tonight's the anniversary he's a big Troy fan

my question on the delay situation which by the way is imminent is do I see this creature am I down the steps enough that I don't even know about this yet? Ethel, you see this.

What is your verbal reaction, if any? It's the guy who's made of faces and he's full of bugs. He's got a blade for an arm and a cudgel for a hand. That's what you hear. You were looking up the landing. You could just see his knee and his feet.

You see a large creature in that room, but you can't fully make him out from that part of the stairwell. He's really big. But you can see him. I would even say you have... I'll give you a line of sight. Yeah, would you just give me a line of sight, dude? I gave you a line of sight.

Dude. All right. Your mistake, bro. I'm confident. No, dude, you shouldn't be, because if I can see that dude, I'm going to take him out. Stop talking like that. He just looks over at this horrible thing, and he's just like, little bit of line of sight's all I need, dude.

And he just like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And his entire body emanates magical force as nine magic missiles careen over the stairs. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Let's go. All making contact with the creature. Okay. And so, oh, I screwed up. I apologize.

No, it's fine. It's just going to take me an extra second. Alright, so that's going to be 94 plus... Yeah, 94. So that's 30 points of force damage. That's crazy! That's amazing. Without even having to roll

to hit, just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! And like, force damage is the best. Force damage tends to cut through every damage resistance. Yeah, it's a big spell. He was going to use it on that thing downstairs, but after the first round when it couldn't even hit Ethel, he was like, I'll save it.

But he does make the choice to use it here because something is wrong with this thing. Something's very wrong with this, and he feels very scared. So yeah, he unleashes one of his more powerful spells of the day. And you used all three actions to do that. All three actions to do it. These missiles just flying toward it. Light it up.

Ethel, it is your turn. Really? Are you going mano a mano with this horrible creature? I sure hope not. Wait, how much damage did you do? 30 points. So Ethel is going, I have to use a double stride, so I'm going to do a sudden charge again.

All right, do you have to have a clear path to do that? It is not specified. All it says is you stride up to twice your speed. It is not the same as 1E. You done? Yes. Okay. All right, so you get behind that middle table there.

There's jars and, like, faces looking at you in the jars. Ugh, so horrible. Kind of like following you. All right, I'll take a swing with the warhammer. Okay. All right, that is going to be 35 to hit. 35. See you, Joe.

35 to hit is a hit. What type of damage are you going to deal? Bludgeoning. Is it a crit with the frightened? It is not. It isn't frightened. Oh, right. It couldn't be frightened.

Oh, it can't be frightened. Not frightened. All right. Very good. Okay. Terrible damage. That'll be 12 points of bludgeoning and two points of cold. 12 bludgeoning, two cold.

You just feel like you're hitting like a hay bale. Yeah, it seems like bludgeoning, 2 cold. You just feel like you're hitting a hay bale. Yeah, it seems like bludgeoning is probably one of the worst. Yeah, so I will try the hatchet. Are you still going? Okay. I've got a third action. I thought you double moved. The sudden charge is 1 action. The sudden charge is 2 actions. Oh, and then I struck. Yeah, you're right. Okay.

No, no, the sudden charge includes a strike. Far be it for me to take an action away from you on Christmas. 28 to hit. 28 to hit is a hit. There you go. Ah, okay. All right, that'll be 14 points of slashing damage.

Now we're talking. There we go. As you hit him with 14 points of slashing damage, him with 14 points of slashing damage. All these bugs that are crawling around him sort of come out and form a fist and punch you.

Oh, I did not expect that. Yep. It's a wasp punch. Wasp punch? No. It's your classic wasp punch. All right, so where the fuck is this thing here? Let's see. Oh, man. This is going to be fun. Where's the fucking thing here? Let's see, it's just warming, but... Okay. Oh man, this is gonna be fun. Where's the fucking thing here?

Talk amongst yourselves. Alright, here we go. 25 to hit. Miss. I mean, this is what it should be. You are the front line fighter. I should rarely hit you. It is now its turn.

Shit. Oh, okay. The first thing I'm gonna try to do to you. Oh, God. It, like, takes its blade, and it tries to slice off a chunk of your skin. What? With

said blade. Is it trying to flens me? It's trying to flens you. I do the flensing here, buddy. Alright. 29. Hits exactly. I thought it was a miss. It hits you.

And as the knife comes down, it's very like, there's a lot of precision involved here. It is actually carving off your skin. One could say it's flaying you. Oh, no. So it hits say it's flaying you. Oh no. So it hits you, it flays you. You take some damage here.

You're gonna take 19 points of slashing damage. 2d4 persistent bleed, which will take on your turn. And then it reaches down and it picks up your skin.

And it just holds onto it and looks at you. That's mine! That's mine! I need that! It holds the blood in my body. And it is Suki's turn. Suki, you just saw... You don't even hear the...

Oh god, it's flaying me alive, you don't even hear the... Imagine you just hear Ethel go, Oh, God, it's flaying me alive! I don't say it that way. How do you say it? Oh, God, it's flaying me alive! Oh, that sounds about right. That was really Ethel. Okay, I'm going to cast Elemental Form.

Okay. I am engulfed in flames. Yeah, how about a little fire, Scarecrow? That's what you say. That's what I say. Yeah. How about a little fire? Wait, no.

How did Aldo say it? Ah. And she turns on her elemental form, and then you hear this deep voice as I turn into this, like, whipping, fiery elemental being. You just hear, How about a little fire, Scarecrow?

And she... Yeah. Moves up. Sounds just like Craig Kilborn. Moving on up to the golem guy. Getting over there. How much movement do you have? 50. Get me over there!

Pardon me. I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay, 50 movement. All right. How many actions was it to cast the spell? Two. Get me over there. Pardon me. I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay, 50 movement. How many actions was it to cast the spell? Two. So you're done. Fuck. Did you say 2d6, Troy? 2d4? 2d4, which will tick

shortly. Wait a minute. Give me one second. I'm just going to move. Maybe her hand is still on the elemental. I actually can't control my character, Troy, so I'm just going to move, actually think maybe her hand is still on the elemental. I actually can't control my character, Troy, so I'm just going to move, actually, just one back from where he is.

Actually, he might have reach. He's very big. I'm going to move, like, two back from where he is. So you just turn to an elemental, and you move kind of close to it. Yeah. And it was cool as hell. Yes. Very cool.

You said a cool thing in a cool way. Yeah, thank you, Skid. We need a good name for Fire Suki. Lisa. Lisa? I'm Lisa. I am no longer Suki. You may call me Lisa.

Lisa. All right. Lisa. Lisa's a base. I go by Lisa. Lisa. I keep looking here for a fucking map. Lisa. All right. Lisa. Lisa's a base. I go by Lisa. Lisa. I keep looking here for a fucking map. Lisa.

All right. Great fun. Lisa. Multiple A's. Love it. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo, where are you on the steps? Aldo is...

You're behind Atticus. Can you see your guys there? Yeah, I do. So I'm downstairs. Actually, I don't know where I am. You're basically on the stairs behind Atticus. I see. But you're not in that room, so I just put you in this little side.

Oh, I see. Okay. I want to first point out that I am not wearing a Christmas sweater. It's the passive-aggressive swipe against Troy's love of Christmas. I'm not doing that. That's how I took it. I legitimately forgot to bring one.

I have one. You forgot it was Christmas? I did, because I am honoring my messiah tonight. X-Cog, give it to you. Storm is a pretty good choice. So, happy DMXmas to all of you. Yay!

His birthday is actually December 18th, which is pretty close. What do you want me to do? You can do whatever you want. It's your turn. All right. Aldo is going, he's going to run up the stairs and be instantly horrified by this creature.

He's like, oh! He's just like, oh, and he sees another fiery Lisa in front of him, and he takes that as a cue to throw his own bottle of, actually, he's going to do the lightning. He's going to throw the's gonna do the lightning. He's gonna throw the lightning. Ride the lightning. That is a 27 to hit.

27 to hit. You toss it across the way, and it hits. Yes! Oh, beautiful. Okay, that is... That is 14 points of damage. What kind of damage?

Electricity damage. Okay. He is off guard until the beginning of my next turn. Okay. And then, okay, so a lot of my stuff is not going to actually work very well. Okay, so now I am going to throw another moderate alchemist fire at him. It says. That's a 17 to hit.

That's a big old miss. Okay, but that is still five points of fire damage. Okay, and it actually goes... Oh, it's weak to fire. Weak to fucking fire. Hell yes. How about a little fire scarecrow? Yeah.

It's hit by the fire. We now move on to Eris. Ooh, I hear a lot of crazy stuff going on in that room. So let me see. I've got 25 feet of movement. Fire check it. I'm going to move up right in front of the stairs here. Get a lay of the land.

What's going on in here? Oh, shit. Ethel is flayed. What? And I'm going to use a focus spell to cast Malicious Shadow. So this creature's shadow just kind of like, it reshapes into like a deadly form

and I'm going to have it be like strangling hands because it's the first example there and I'm not creative. It goes to like make a strike against you as I cast it. Could it be like a guy with a lighter? Could it be something like that?

Well, since these hands, one of them is like a knife and I want it to do slashing damage, it goes to like just slice at you. It's a melee spell attack which means I use like my spell Your spell attack? My spell boopie. John. Alright, so here we go.

This will deal damage equal to 1d10 plus your spellcasting ability modifier. Yep. You hit. 31. That is a hit. Yes. There you go.

Nice work. So 2d10 plus five. Woo! It's going to be 20 points of damage. Oh, so you heighten that. No, it's 2d10 plus five. That's 1d10 plus your spellcasting. Unless you heightened it, then it would be 2d10. No. No, it's focus.10 plus 5. That's 1d10 plus your spellcasting. Unless you heightened it, then it would be 2d10.

No, it's focus. It automatically heightens. Yeah, focus spell it. How much damage? 20. 20 damage. 2d20? Amazing. 2d10.

That's awesome. 40 points of damage. The lights from this room cast eerie bouncing shadows about this thing's hulking shadow begins strangling it. And it takes 20 points of damage. Do you have another action, or did you have to move? I moved, and that was two actions. But you don't see the shadow go away. Okay.

Or stop trying to kill it. At that moment. I need Ethel and Lisa. Oh, no. Lisa. No, Lisa. To make a Will save. Lisa, no.

Will? Will. Does it have to be Will? Yes. Isn't that from a movie? I'd prefer Will. Lisa. Okay, that is a 32.

That's weird. I got 10 less than that. 22. You are not only unaffected, you are immune to this buzzing that's coming from within this stitched up monstrosity. With your 22, however,

you are confused for one round. Oh, no! You're tearing me apart, Lisa! Oh, hi, doggy! I'm very confused. What's going on? Okay, and then... It is going to... That thing within it is going to come out

and punch you again there, Charlie. Whatever your name is. Am I Charlie? You're Charlie. In this example, you're Charlie, whatever your name is. Am I Charlie? You're Charlie. In this example, you're Charlie, and it fucking misses. Yes. I have not rolled well

since I walked into this terrible town. That's right. That's because this town doesn't want you here. It's letting you know. That's you. Amazing. Charlie Brown Round two Atticus Grimm

Atticus Grimm Grimm Oh Well I'm not really sure How this is gonna work out But let's just try it He's gonna scramble up the stairs

Walk Oh man I hate to walk in front of Aldo Because I don't want to walk, oh man, I hate to walk in front of Aldo because I don't want to hurt his, let's see. Down in front! He shouts. Alright, so he gets ten feet in front of

Aldo, looks at this horrifying creature across the table, and he reaches out his hands, he begins summoning a spell, and this inky black darkness comes out of the ether and starts to gather and slowly works its way over to the creature and then starts to seep into the holes between its stitches.

And I'm going to cast Enervation. Yeah, nice. And see if I can just rip it apart from the inside. Any life source it may have. So I need a fortitude save. Let me just quickly look at the traits of enervation. This could be a problem because if it is a construct. Necromancy and negative. Oh, I know.

And it is immune to necromancy. I thought that might be the case because it might not be alive at all. Shit. But it was worth a shot. The bugs are alive. Is it an area spell or is it a targeted spell? It is an area spell. All right, so the bugs can take that.

Let me just check their immunities. Yeah, all right, so continue. You won't affect the large creature, but you have a chance of affecting the bugs that are with you. It's a fortitude save. Fortitude save, eh? All right, that's going to really separate the men fortitude save. Fortitude save, eh? Alright. That's going to really separate the men from the boys. I wish I had a D20 that worked.

Why didn't you call your friends at Norse Foundry? Norse Foundry. The Joe and Troy Dice are on a truck somewhere. Natural one! Yes! Yes! Yes! Holy shit!

Troy's gonna roll! Troy's gonna roll! You! Holy shit! Natural one! Troy's gonna roll. Troy's gonna roll. You're totally screwed. This is the best show of Troy. This is the best show. This is. You were right, Troy. You were right.

I am had. Merry Christmas. You want to roll building alone? We are having a lot of fun. The tour is canceled. This is a very interesting situation. Every time. Troy is a one.

Very interesting situation. All right, Natroll needs a one. Very interesting situation. All right, Nat one. It's not... Go ahead. Do what you want to do. Okay. You feel fine. No, you are going to take

4d8 persistent negative damage. The bugs will. Okay. And you become drained two and doomed one. Wow! So the doom doesn't really impact you as an NPC, but the drained

two is going to lower your max HP and your current HP by double your level, right? Yeah. So whatever your level is times two, your HP max and current goes down that much and then on your turn, you'll take 48 negative damage.

The life force of these bugs is sucked out of them by Atticus's dark arts. Amazing. The Orcan man is in the building. Yeah! Amazing. Little pest control. Okay. I hate this. I hate this so much.

Are you done? Yes, that's it. All right. Ethel, you are standing right next to this thing. Yeah, I'm trying to debate whether or not to go after it with just the hatchet or I should use the Warhammer because it's so much more damage on the Warhammer, even if it has a resistance. Tough call.

Tough, tough, tough, tough, tough. Yeah, I'm just going to do a double slice. Double slice. Go ahead. Okay, 27 on the Warhammer. 27 on the Warhammer is a hit. And a 27 on the hatchet, too. Nice.

All right, give me the Warhammer damage. Warhammer damage. Warhammer. Okay, 17 bludgeoning and one cold. Okay. And one cold. One cold. Hammer, don't hurt him. And then

14 points of slashing. Alright, 14 points of slashing. At that point, the fist of wasps comes out to attack you again. Of the tired wasps. The exhausted wasps. I hit my tray and there's dice everywhere now. And they're all on ones. I just rolled a D12.

I'm out of my mind right now. Does an 11 hit? No. All right, this might hit. I'm so out of sorts here. Fuck this game. It is... I can't believe you rolled a natural one on everything.

I'm going to be home with my kids right now. All right, it is... What did I roll? All right, so 32. That hits. All right, that hits. Oh, actually, this is... What did I roll? All right, so 32. That hits. All right, that hits. Oh! Actually, this is fun.

Okay. Oh, shit. My turn isn't over, by the way. There's more coming. Shut up. All right, you take 12 points of piercing damage, and you are exposed to the venom of these bugs. Give me a fortitude save.

Uh-oh. Arguably your best save. So wait a minute. Let me get this juggernaut thing clear. I'm talking to Matthew! Let me get this juggernaut thing clear. Any fortitude save. Arguably your best save. So wait a minute. Let me get this juggernaut thing clear. I'm talking to Matthew! Let me get this juggernaut thing clear. Any fortitude save you ever roll, you have a higher success?

That's wild. I think I said yes. What a wild feat. That's pretty good. And my proficiency rank ups to master, though I think that was true for me already. Wow. Not true.

I rolled a natural 17 on this, so that's a 27. You're fine. Yeah. Okay. Because I hit with both those strikes, I rolled a natural 17 on this. So that's a 27. You're fine. Yeah. Okay. Because I hit with both those strikes, though, I can cleanse you. Yeah.

Two can play at that game. Yeah. Charlie. Give me my skin back. You took some of my skin. I'll take some of yours. Shirts versus skins. Cut that face right off his boob.

Yeah, that's right. Cut that boob face right off his boob Yeah, that's right Cut that boob face right off Don't give me that look So, I actually don't know if this is going to affect you But you take 2d8 persistent bleed damage Okay And you're off guard And your resistances to any physical damage types are reduced by 5 Oh

Wow Okay Okay Alright, fine damage types are reduced by five. Oh. Wow. Okay. Ooh. Okay. All right, fine. Remind me about the bleed. He does take bleed. Okay, great. All right, but no immediate damage from the flensing. That's just a persistent. Okay.

Anything else? You're off guard. You're off guard. You're out of order. I knew you were going to say that. It is its turn. It takes your skin that it cut off of you, and it starts sewing it to itself really, really fast. In the middle of the fight? What a waste of a turn.

It just starts stitching. Does it pull out a sewing kit? It does have the manipulate trait. Oh, how about that? It's just mindlessly stitching your skin to it. That is going to be a 31 to hit. It's the Warhammer again, but any resistances are reduced by five. Okay. 21 points of bludgeoning and three points of cold.

Okay. All right, so you really fuck it up. I'll tell you, it gained some temporary hit points from, like, stitching your skin to it. That's pretty messed up. But then you did more damage to it than it actually came back. So it was a net loss for the stitcher. If I can't have my skin, nobody can.

All right, it's still its turn. That was one action to stitch skin. It's disgusting. So dirty. I know, this is gross. I think I'll try and flay you again. Oh, let me get some bleed damage for you on your turn. 2d4 bleed, I'll give it to you,

don't worry. Keep your dice right there. Roll a flat check, though, to see if you stay bleeding. Natural 16. Take three points of bleed. Nice job, Ethel. I'm going to try and flay you again. I take your skin and I slap it over my wound and it stops the bleeding.

That's how it works. That's right. I think I just crit you 39. That is a crit. Oh no! Natty 19, 39. Critical threat, critical threat, critical, critical,

critical threat! Alright, you're going to take 39. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical threat. All right. You're going to take 36 points of slashing damage. Again, a piece of your flesh hits the floor. Stop taking that. And the bleed comes back, the 2D4 persistent bleed. It's like a way bigger piece of flesh. Way bigger piece of flesh.

Like his whole butt. Oh, no. His whole butt? Not the butt. He cut off his butt? Not the butt. Not the butt. That's his best feature. My shapely buttocks? That's his best skin. He's less shapely now. That's my favorite part of his skin.

Alright, Sooks. You're up, but you're confused. Universally amongst the party. You all agree. We all voted and and it came out. Your butt is the best. It won the poll. All right, I get to randomly determine your targets. Yeah, Lisa's just going, Lisa!

No! Lisa! What are you going to do, Lisa? Lisa! Who do I, what do I, wait, you're randomly determining. I'm randomly determining your targets. You have to use all your actions to strike or cast offensive cantrips. So I can't cast spells while I'm in this form, so I have to strike.

You can cast cantrips, or yeah, you can just strike. So I guess I'll strike. I can't cast while I'm in this form. I can't cast cantrips. So who did you roll? And you include the enemy, too. Here's what I'm going to say. It's either going to be Eris, Atticus, or Ethel.

Or the enemy. Everybody calm And you include the enemy, too. Here's what I'm going to say. It's either going to be Eris, Atticus, or Ethel. Or the enemy. Everybody calm down. Or the enemy! All right, so you're actually going to attack Ethel. So here's what I'm going to have you do. I'm going to have you flank Ethel. You're not going to be flat-footed

because they're not friends. But you're going to attack Ethel now with a strike. I think she's coming to cauterize my wound. Perhaps. Lisa! Alright, so man, my attack is

pretty good. Not my damage, but my attack is really good. I'm probably going to hit not a crit. Well, we'll see. 31? It's a hit, not a crit. Okay. we'll see. 31? It's a hit, not a crit. Okay. So you're going to take 1d8 fire and then 1d4 persistent fire.

I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. Okay, so really low. Three fire and then one persistent. Well, that's not going to tick until your turn along with that bleed, so then attack him one more time. And it'll cauterize the wound, so we'll stop bleeding. Go ahead and attack him one more time. Just keep things moving. Okay.

I have to. Yeah. I've randomly determined you have to. That's a 24. 24. Nice. Whipping out fire. One d4? Yeah, it's not until your turn. One. I rolled the d4. One D4? One. I rolled the D4.

One on the D4. Alright, so... It's Aldo's turn. You're no longer confused. I believe that was confused for just one round. Yeah, so I'm no longer confused. Sorry! You come through just as you're striking. Aldo, what do you got?

Aldo, I have found the lyrics to Flatfooted. Nice! Skid, do you got? Aldo, I have found the lyrics to Flatfooted. Nice. Skid, do you want to sing Flatfooted? I'll sing part of it. It's pretty long. Will Aldo start to dance? Yeah. Yeah, if you sing it.

Yeah. Well, I'm flatfooted, check it and see. I've got a penalty to my AC. I haven't acted, so I can't use my decks I'm flat-footed, flat-footed Second lyric. I see what you have in mind Attacking me from behind

Do you get sneak damage too? All right, that's it. There's a lot more. We have a lot of fun here. I'll put the rest of the lyrics up on the website. My neck is soaked. All right, so I'm going to... So Aldo is kind of tucked into the corner of the room.

He's going to move into the opposite corner. So he has a free path towards this horrible creature. Okay. So it's like, how about a little flash? Can't cry in case you didn't hear me before. Modern fire. That is a 35

to hit. Ooh, he did it. He got hit. That is a hit. He's flat-footed, too, from Ethel. Okay. All right, that is 16 points of fire damage. All right. That is 16 points of fire damage. All right. So this is what happens.

Oh, I forgot. I also forgot you forgot to take the persistent bleed. Yeah, and the persistent negative. Okay. It is going to die. Okay. But what happens is when you hit it with this bomb, the fire starts lighting it up, and it kind of just... Like if you took a piece of paper...

Like flash paper. And when it kind of disappears, or parts of it get all burnt, a giant swarm shows up in its place. This thing that was inside of it. But the swarm takes the negative damage, right? Yes, the swarm on its turn will take the persistent negative damage.

This is like Inuyasha. And it is a large swarm. So it's all wasps inside of it. It's the worst. That is horrifying. Yep, just a giant mass of wasps. But the skin stitch is dead. Nice.

Great. 48 persistent negative. Do you have anything else? Aldo. Yeah. So it's just, oh, no, I don't like bugs. So he's going to throw. Shit.

All right. I'm going to go ahead and throw another bottle of lightning at them just in case they're not, they don't suffer the same penalties as their host body did. Gotcha. That's a 20 to hit. 20 to hit misses. Okay. But it doesn't critically miss, so it takes splash damage.

Five points of splash electricity damage. Okay, and I'll tell you this, just because it's fun. It's actually weak to splash damage, so it takes... Oh! Oh, wow, that's awesome. It's fun for me. Yeah, and I'll tell you this. Just because it's fun. It's actually weak to splash damage, so it takes... Oh! Oh, wow, that's awesome. It's fun for me. Yeah, it is fun for you. It's really fun for me. Alright, so that's gonna be... Man, there's so much shit going on back here.

We'll make that that. We'll give you some of that. Okay, alright. Alright. Anything else, Aldo? That's it for me. That's it for you. Good round. Anything else, Aldo? That's it for me. That's it for you. Good round. Eris, you're up.

Question. I'll allow it. So I cast Militia's Shadow on the Straw Man. Yes. My spell targets one creature. Does it technically not target this swarm of bees? Is this swarm of bees multiple creatures? They're wasps.

Wasps. And they are multiple creatures. Yes, they cannot be targeted. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. That's fine. But you fucked them up! Yeah. Is there anything in the room

that... What? Is there anything in the room I can chuck at it that's, like, on fire or can chuck at it that's on fire or can douse it in corrosiveness or something? Tsuki! Yeah, throw Tsuki. Throw me!

I mean... Her name is Lisa? Yeah, it's Lisa. Lisa! I do not answer to Tsuki! Eris, you look around the room. There's so many jars full of all sorts of shit. You don't know what you're throwing,

and you don't know if you could throw something that could end up contaminating the room and hurting your allies as well. You just, you can't make a quick enough a decision. Maybe Aldo could, but Aldo has bombs. But Aldo could, he's more suited to, like, figuring out what is that jar. This is Aldo's jam!

Yep. I can't use an action to do this? No? No, no? Okay. That's awesome. I'd love to yes and you, but it's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous idea.

If I were to cast Magic Missile on the swarm of bees, how would that work? Just, you can do it. It's force damage. Magic Missile on the swarm of bees, how would that work? Just, you can do it. It's force damage. Magic Missile is kind of good catch-all. I don't see any reason that wouldn't affect this swarm. Joe. By the way, it's not Magic Missile anymore. Isn't it Force Barrage?

I will never call it that. I think I will never call it that. All right, thank you. Joe. I cast Force Barrage. What happens when I heighten it to level five? I like how you think that's more nerdy than Magic Missile. I grew up, I cut my teeth on Magic Missile.

I know. Magic Missile. You have to have it already prepared. Come on, man. Oh, I do? I can't just be like, come here. You can't just decide to heighten it and replace an already prepared slot. In my understanding, you have to prepare it at level five during your daily preparations.

You know, I was having a lot of fun before this. Yeah, he did that to me too. Do you do? I'm trying to figure it out. You're getting real close to a forced delay. And it's just like, what? We might have to throw a flag.

Do it at the lower level. Just do it. Do it at the lower level? I'm going to cast guidance on Ethel. Okay. Shocker. Give you a little bit. And then I'm going to use two actions to cast Magic Missile on the bees. Okay.

Hell yeah. So 2d4 plus one. Here we go. Three. Wait, wait. Eight points of damage. Oh, here we go. Three. Wait, wait. Eight points of damage. And that's my turn. You see her like, I don't know what to do.

Ethel, please. You're going to be fine. And then pew pew. They took my butt. Not your butt. We'll build it back better. Return my butt to me. I have no butt. I chucked my butt. We'll get you. We'll build it back better. I chucked my butt. Return my butt to me. I have no butt.

And then it burned up in a blaze of flame. That's your best asset. Oh, man. Woo, yeah. Bottle cap. Bottle cap. Bottle cap. Yeah.

Bottle cap. When I was walking in Memphis. Why are we walking in Memphis? Bottlecats When I was walking in Memphis Why are we walking in Memphis? Bottlecats When I was walking in Memphis When I was walking in Memphis Bottlecats Bottlecats Are you going to deny?

Bottlecats Bottlecats Oh, come on You're as cold as ice Oh, come on! You're as cold as ice! Alright. Everybody shut up. The swarm stands on Ethel and Lisa's space.

Now, I googled the shit out of this. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't get an attack of opportunity. I don't think Lisa has one. I am fire. That is a 25 to hit. Plus one if you want to use it. 25 to hit the sword.

26 to hit the sword. That will hit the sword. Yes. Nice. Hell yeah. Beautiful. So Ethel tries to swat some wasps out of the air with a war hammer. Yeah.

So how much damage do you get? That's not going to go well. He does 16 points of bludgeoning and five points of cold. Yeah. All right, 16 points of bludgeoning. Doesn't all go through, but the cold appears to. Just look at something. This game is so dumb. All right. but the cold appears to... Just look at something.

This game is so dumb. All right. All right, here we go. God, let me see here. All right, so it washes onto your space. Here's what I need. I need both you, Ethel, and you, Lisa, to make a reflex save. Easy.

Easy. 31. Easy. 31. Okay. You will take half damage. Lisa? Yeah, it's a 25, but I... Lisa? It's a 25,

but I am made of fire. So, like, I am just fire. You're just fire, yeah. You will take 21 points of damage that's fine and you will take 10 points of damage oh wait hold on sorry I was on Pepsi's page give me two seconds

never mind Pepsi has better reflex than I do so what is your roll total 23 that's fine you take 21 points of just stinging better reflex than I'm too. So what is your roll total? 23. All right, that's fine. You take 21 points of just stinging. And you're both exposed to the venom of this thing.

Both of you give me a fortitude save. I'm on fire. This seems silly. 26 fortitude. Okay. 33. Okay, you're both fine. Now I'll give you another. They're going to sting you again with their final action.

Give me another reflex save. They're all swarming around. Another reflex. A 31 reflex. 22. Oh, another fail. This is actually going to really fuck you up. You take 20 points of damage.

You take 10 points of damage. Give me another fortitude save. What the heck? If I critically succeeded on the last one, does that matter? No. Just thought I'd ask. 35. Okay, success.

Okay. Stupid. 30. Both successes. That's a critical success. It's a critical success. All right, so you don't take any poison damage. However, the sting's messed up.

Especially Lisa. I made a fire. What are they stinging? I am made of fire. I don't care. I'm down to less than one third of my hit points. Let's go. A little Christmas killing. Aldo, you are

up top around three, whatever. Alright, Aldo is just like, they don't like big splash stats. They're terrible. I don't like them. So he's going to throw a, yeah, he's going to throw his last moderate bottled lightning.

Okay. Natural 20. Yes! Oh! There it was. Natural 20. Yes! There it was. Critical threat, critical threat, critical, critical, critical threat. That's Norse foundry for all your random number generating needs.

Got a Philly crit over there, Joe? Oh, this is amazing. Philly crit from Justin R. this time from Doylestown. Doylestown. Justin R., Doylestown. Any chance? In the back. In the back.

Let me hear you in the back. Let me hear you in the back. There he is. Nice. By the bar. Radiant John. John. Oh, dude, this is amazing.

Okay. Your John flies with unnatural power. Perhaps a deity of someone in the party decided to assist in the fight. Your damage type changes. It might not be ideal, but your damage type changes to force for this attack. Oh, that might be good, actually. Double damage plus 1d10 force. Additionally, the light beaming from the projectile is so beautiful,

enemies within 15 feet of the target, including the target, must roll a will save. I don't know if these things probably have will. What is the effect? Dazzled is the effect. Okay. So, double damage plus 1d10 force. It's like having a

deadly bomb. Plus the weakness to splash damage, which you already know, which I will add automatically. Okay, so. Radiant Dawn. That's 34 total force damage. Okay. And it was 10 splash damage. You did 10?

With the crit, it was 10. Okay. Wow. I mean, you just annihilated this thing. Yeah! Now it's still up. But I'm saying, you did so much damage in one attack. And you still have attacks?

I do. I still have two, potentially. Okay, so now I am going to throw an acid flask. Okay. I'm not as good. That's a 17 to hit. It an acid flash. Okay. Not as good. That's a 17 to hit. It's a miss. Okay, five splash damage.

Five splash damage, so I'll tell you right now, it's splash damage 10 is its weakness. So that does another 15 points of damage. Yes! On a miss! All right. Okay, then I'm going to throw a lesser alchemist fire for my last action.

That is a 15 to hit. 15 is a, that's actually a critical failure, so I won't do Splash Dammit. Damn it. I know, that ruined Christmas. But can Joe save Christmas? Can Joe save Christmas? Can Joe save Christmas? Atticus Grimm. Oh.

Oh, no. Billy Joe. Oh, no. Billy Joe. Billy Joe. I love you guys. I love you guys. Don't get your hopes up.

No. Don't get your hopes up. Frosty the Joe Man. Yeah, unfortunately, he is a little paralyzed by these things being swarmed around his allies. There's nothing he's going to be able to do to damage it while it's on the squares. It's large, right?

Yeah. However, I need to hit it with AOE shit. They're begging me not to delay, Troy. Not in front of your family. Okay, all right. Shut up.

Would you rather I delay or really hurt Lisa? I think the choice is clear. You guys said that so fast. It's really rude to Lisa. She's beautiful. She's a beautiful woman. Joe? Damn it.

She's so beautiful. Damn it. You can hurt Lisa. She might die. Come on, man. Okay. She's a fiery redhead. All right.

You know what? All right, I'm going to try something I did not want to do, but I think this may work. I might have found a loophole here. He is going to move up right next to the creature, next to all these buzzing creatures, in an effort to not hurt Lisa. Okay. And I don't know if they have an AOO, but he is going to cast a spell. Oh, wow. Nothing happens.

He goes to cast a spell, and he will cast a lightning bolt through all of them. This electricity surges through this group of wasps, so I need a reflex save. 19. Total? Total. Are you shitting me right now? There's so many wasps. Is that a crit fail?

I mean, you hit like 90% of them with that lightning bolt. Oh, my God, dude. You take 56 points of electricity damage. Yeah! Billy Joe! Billy Joe! Billy Joe! Billy Joe!

Billy Joe! The swarm is dead. Yeah! I'm shaking off the knees! Could I come again, please? The swarm is dead. I remind me of Jalen Hurts. He knows how to finish. Gets the job done. Here's my reaction to that crushing kill.

I could have been better. The dread skin stitch falls apart. This hell wasp swarm emerges from it, and you all tactfully take them both out. There are so many jars in this room next to each other, stacked on top of each other, and they're all full of so many things. Now that you're out of combat, you start to take in the scene. There are body parts

in some of these jars. There's a tumorous penis in one of them. Saw that coming. Hold that for later. Otherworldly chunks of flesh. I'm going to go check out George Washington's tent. Aldo's just admiring a tent in the back.

There's otherworldly chunks of flesh that are all sort of like magnified by the glass that they're within. They look larger than they actually are. Let me talk about some of the things that really jump out at you. The fact that Ethel has half a butt? Oh.

Yes, your butt is lying on the floor. Oh, great. Well, maybe we can stitch it back on with a tree wound. We can fix this. She picks up your butt and tries to put it back on. It's upside down. Unfortunately, I'm immune to tree wounds for another 57 minutes.

I dismiss Lisa. I love her. Bye, Lisa. Lisa, I'm very busy right now. Lisa is gone. And Suki says to Ethel, actually, you're not. I have continual recovery

and it's only 10 minutes, so I could treat you again. Okay. No, Suki, I got it. I got it. Oh, of course. Jesus. Of course.

You go, girl. Thank you. She's holding his butt upside down. It's just sideways. It's going to be all right. Sideways butt. What's going on back there? He just can't look.

Looking away. Looks weird to me. Look, it's smiling. While they're... Nailed it. While they're working on some butt play. We look at the jars. This is really up your alley. You're like drawn in by this, and you start looking at all these different jars, trying to figure out what's going on here.

There's a dozen or so all lined up together, containing what looks like eviscerated and dissected flesh. But you know, without even really digging into it, that all of these jars contain pieces of the same person. Oh, wow. It's like Akira. It's placed in such a way you can just tell they all go together. You see another thing that has two jars stacked on top of each other, and the bottom jar is larger and contains a torso and a head in the other jar of a ghoul.

And you remember ghouls during your time in Leng. It's like this dead ghoul decapitated with its torso in the other jar. The legs and arms nowhere to be seen. Then there are four enormous glass jars spread out. They're kind of lined up with one in the middle, two on the sides, and one on top.

And the two on the sides contain these massive wings of some horrible looking insectile creature. And the middle jar seems to have its spine in it. And the top, you would think, is its head. But what's in the jar is this just spherical bit of nonsense with all sort of tentacles, not even like tentacles,

but like nodules coming out of it, like dozens and dozens of little protrusions coming out of it. There's no eyes, there's no mouth, but it's very clearly meant to be the head of whatever this creature is. And so Atticus, I imagine while they're doing butt stuff, you're just scanning through, and then the last jar you see that really jumps out

at you is one that just has a little piece of tape on it and it's labeled number 61 and you look at number 61 and it looks like a almost like a sheet is suspended in liquid

and it's kind of like a bed sheet? no it's not, it's like a sheet, is suspended in liquid. And it's kind of... Like a bed sheet? No, it's not. It's like a jar about this big. If you're listening at home, this big. Watch the video. It's about this big, and it's like a napkin, basically, floating there.

But as you're watching it, but as you're watching it, looking like this drowned sheet caught in an unseen current, almost looks like an amorphous sea creature, it flips around and you see a humanoid face on the other side of the sheet, and it looks at you, and it just like,

it like mouths words. And points at the stopper at the top of the jar. I can read lips. I have lip reading. You call Aldo over, perhaps? Aldo,

you happen to be walking by. Yeah, it's like, Crikey! Hang on, I come over. It's just gracefully folding in of itself and reappearing again, but you see the face and it's been like,

open the jar. It's telling you to open the jar. It must be freed. Is my butt fixed yet? It is a prisoner. Nope. Oh god.

It seems to be pleading with you now as it folds on itself and then reappears and the face appears. It's pleading with you. We see like a flash of Atticus remembering being down below, weighed down by all the ash and soot of the... Furnace.

Furnace, where he was first found. And it was Aldo that pulled him out of it. And he remembers that fear of being alone and trapped. Someone came to help him. And there's obviously some selfishness to it too. What can we find out from this? And he's going to reach across to the cork

the bottle cork on top of this jar and open it. My god. You pull the stopper off and this little face you hear it like trying open it. You pull the stopper off. And this little face,

you hear it like trying to speak through the water. And now that the stopper is taken off, you can hear this faint little voice that's like, How are you? My name is Atticus. Who are you? My name is Atticus. Who are you?

I am an experiment. Go and run. Yes, I see that. That is so rude. What is it you seek here? All the abominations lie within. Mun. We seek Mun. Is he

here? Has he left? Man is gone. He left with the one called Laos. They left together? When? Yes. How long? I do

not know. But I listen to them. They are going to a place called the Mysterium. The last... Say it again. I can't hear you. What? Sorry, Suki can't hear you. I'm the note taker of the party,

and I just can't quite understand what you're saying. Mysterium, going to the Mysterium. Going to Mysterium. Should we just take him out of the jar? The last thing. It would be impossible. It's like trying to get a ship out of a jar. There's no way to like...

Oh, okay, we won't. He says, The last thing I heard them talk about was they were concerned about the gods there. The gods at the Mysterium? Yes. What is the Mysterium? The Spider-Man villain?

It's a library. A what? A library. It's thinking. It's folding. Cthyr. Library in. It's thinking. It's folding.

Kathir. Ah. Exit. A man called Laos eventually decided that bribery would be the best method to get in. They are looking for a book which is found in a part of the library called the Soul. The man called Lowles greatly desires the book and the secrets within.

Yes, yes, we know. All too well. So they are there. Kithia, we can go into the Mysterium. I believe so. I spoke at length about this library and the dangerous wards of the soul of the Mysterium. of the soul of the Mysterium. The man called Laos spoke fearfully of the Mysterium's guardian, a being known only as the Keeper. But it could be bribed? No, the gods could be bribed.

The Keeper seemed unknowable to him. But he was worried that he might end up meeting it and not be able to complete his mission. What can we do for you? Is there a way to restore you? Are you in pain? Yes. Wait, sorry, we both asked questions. Which one? Yes, to both.

Oh. That liquid over there, the blue jar, and you look over and you see like a The blue jar. And you look over and you see like a tiny blue jar. Open it. Pour it in here. And end my misery. He'll do it. He'll grab the jar, open it.

Not a single knowledge check. Pour this blue shit in. Can I do knowledge alchemy? Yeah. That is a 35. You know that Mun was dealing with some very dark alchemy, the taboo, the stuff you're not supposed to do. You think that this may have been a

part of the experiment to build these hollow ones. Why he was keeping it here, you don't see 1 through 60 laying around anywhere, but it seems like this was part of his process, perhaps, to create these hollow ones. This might even be a piece of his flesh.

Oh, well. This is a stage of the experiment. There is no life here, per se. Finish him as he wishes. I have something else that may be of help to you. Sorry, too late. End of session. No, he holds for a moment.

It's too late. The man, the man called Lowles also spoke about contacting his old friend in the city of Ocano, the gnoll slaver called Biting Lash. And when you hear that, you remember that name. That's who? That is the gnoll slaver that took you when you came from Australia to Galerion. Wow. He wanted to acquire hirelings to serve as porters and guards. This man called Lowles feared the gnoll.

When last I saw them... You sound just like Princess Leia in Jabba's palace. I'm here to rescue you. Exactly. Right? It's crazy. When last I saw... I can't see.

Hibernation sickness. When last I saw them Mun and Lals gathered their supplies from here and below and left the hollow ones in charge to keep the Deros in check

in Mun's absence though the Deros have begun to wander to places they should not go and as it says that it kind of like floats on its back and looks up to the next level however even they fear what lies in the attic mun's anomalous friend oh we heard that term before mun's anomalous friend. Oh, we heard that term before. Mun's anomalous friend.

Did we? Yeah. Who... What is it? Who exactly is his friend? Thank you, Atticus. I do not know. That is the only way he referred to them. I wish I could give you more

if you intend to kill Mun and his friend. I will die in peace. What's your name? I don't know. Pick one.

Pick one. You could be anything you want to be. Anything. Anything. We need to remember you somehow. Call me Lisa. No, no. I'm sorry. You can't do that. I think actually

that was Tychus. We already know a Lisa. You know what? No, it's alright. That would be kind of confusing. It's, you can't do that I think actually that was We already know Elisa You know what, no, it's alright That would be kind of confusing It's okay Any other name I think, hey, guys Wait We could, it's alright

Lisa with one A Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, that's three How else would you spell it? No other way Well, there's several There's no other way to spell it Lisa, you shall be from here

in memoriam. Thank you, Lisa. You've died a hero, Lisa. Well, you're not a hero. You will die a hero, Lisa. You're about to die a hero. This is holding... Every time you start speaking... You're moments away from dying a hero, Lisa.

Not yet. Let me just finish killing this hero. And you pour this unknown chemical inside of this jar and you see Lisa like almost smile

with what little bit of lips it has on this little fold of skin, and then shudders, stills, and slowly floats to the bottom of its container. And in the silence of that moment, you all hear something from above. And we'll see you next year. Oh! The end of the show!

Horrible crying. Thank you, Billy! Thank you, Billy! Love you guys! Thank you so much. Thank you. We'll see you next year. Woo! Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. And for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else, Subscribe today at jointhenace.com.