The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 87 – Third Arm Blind

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

On the upper levels of Mun’s home, art imitates life and more of the alchemist’s guardians emerge. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/t_wd48pzCK4 Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at jointhenaish.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. Let them hear it! Matthew B. Damned, we finally made it to Canada! This must kill you! Look at his face! Look at his stupid little face! I've never been happier to eat cheese curds. He's furious, he despises you! Last night at dinner he said, I just wish there were more people here that looked like me, if you know what I mean.

And then he winked in a real creepy way. It was like... Really ruined dinner for everybody. Well, we made it! We made it! We wanted to come to America's hat last year, but our booking agent sucks, so I threatened to fire him, and all of a sudden we have two shows in Canada this year. Funny how that works. But we're so excited. We're kicking off the year, kicking off 2024 with a sold out show in front of you, Took Wearing Weirdos. Toronto! You guys are awesome. Awesome. I have, I've spent a good amount of time in Canada over the years. It is after all my ancestral home. Long ago the Lavalais spread their seed across all of the indigenous tribes of the Eastern Canadian provinces.

That's bad. Don't boo. Chances are some LaValley juice flows through some of you in the crowd tonight. And if it doesn't yet, maybe it can in the green room later. If you know what I'm talking about, right Joe? I can see the HR complaining Matthew's face. You can see it! But aren't you HR? I've come to Canada a lot over the years. I had an ex, who I think is probably dead now. She, uh. Why?

She grew up, don't worry, she fell down the stairs. I, uh, I saw it, because I happened to be standing at the top of the stairs. I was like, no! But she grew up in Quebec, and so I spent a lot of time in Quebec City, Montreal, and then my wife went over to Banff a couple years ago, Lake Louise, just gorgeous, gorgeous places to visit. And until I came to Toronto, I just assumed that all of Canada was beautiful. And I learned that it's not true.

This main street outside, there's three businesses. You either sell weed, dildos, or fast food. That's it. Now granted, there's plenty of time where having any of those three things in your body is a good time. But I came here for culture. Skid, did you find any culture here in Toronto? Yeah, I went to the NHL Hall of Fame earlier today.

Great time. Did you learn about the 2013 Stanley Cup playoffs? I watched everyone to know that none of the rest of us had any input on that video. I don't even watch sports. I don't. Before, while we were up in the green room, Troy was like, he almost had a heart attack trying to pull up the video on his iPad to show us. He was so excited. He was like, it's the best thing we've ever done. But I don't understand what I was talking about a couple weeks on the show. Like being a sportsman in Troy's orbit is the worst fucking thing that could happen to somebody who loves sports.

If you're just watching at home later or listening before the show, I made a one minute clip of the most embarrassing loss in Maple Leaf's history. To my Bruins! It was really awesome for you to get everyone to boo us before we came on stage. Yeah, that was encouraging. I also want to tell you, while you were booing, he was laughing maniacally back there. I was right back there. He loved what he did.

He likes it. I was like Nero fiddling. This is what is this? This is the first tour stop of the year, right? This is it. Kicking it off. Could you kick it off with a better group of people? A kinder, more friendly group of people. This is also the first time we ever did a meet and greet before a show. You guys were awesome. We met an amazing amount of really great people who, give me a shout if this is your first Everglass Cannon Live.

You see what I mean? That's how you kick off a tour. That's how you kick off a tour. That's how you kick off a tour. That kind of energy. And it's, and man, I feel like it's a stereotype, but like Canadians are really nice. Like we went out to eat and you're welcome. Wait, are you apologizing? Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. We're sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We went out to eat and it was me, Matthew and Kate and someone held the door for us for so long. Like, I thought you.

She wanted to fight us. Too long. And then they had the audacity, after we had already gone through the door, to say, have a nice lunch. And then they left and I turned around and I said, was that a threat? I would have punched him. Yeah.

Because I'm from New York. But apparently, that's just how you guys are. So don't you apologize. Don't you start. Sorry for that, guys. Joe, is Canada everything that you assumed it would be thus far? Yeah, I mean, the brutal honesty of Canadians is nice.

I was in my line, I had a couple people tell me that they're not a fan of my rules lawyering. So that was nice. And then, but overall what you said about Toronto's beauty, I happen to like the city. I've only been here briefly, but I was like talking to people I'm like man it's so I didn't know it rhymed I really like it and I honestly said to people and I was not BSing I was like oh it's just I haven't seen much of the city, but I've seen them downtown, it's beautiful, beautiful buildings, it's great, and they were like, no it isn't.

They're like, it is proud, beautiful city. There's not a lot of pride in Toronto proper, it seems like. Everyone's just like, yeah, because they're talking about it, it's like everyone here is so nice, it's just like Toronto's the meanest place in Canada. They're like, we hate it here.

What the fuck is the rest of it like? People offering to cosign loans that you don't know? I don't know what it could possibly be. But it comes with a caveat. We had a waiter today at lunch who was extremely kind. Foster. I didn't want a name on it. Do you guys know him?

Here's his Instagram. Dude, he's gonna listen to this at some point. We told him to listen to the podcast, and we're talking about him now. Yeah, and now we're talking, but basically, he is... He's an example of everything that we've seen so far in Canada, which is extremely friendly people that move at an unbelievably slow rate to New Yorkers. Got nowhere to be? You know, you'd like make a drink order and he'd be like,

I'll be back with that in 40 minutes. I literally got my drink when they brought the check out and I was like, is that normal? What happens? He was so nice though. Just relax, just relax. Super chill. Don't apologize!

Sorry! It's been a hell of a time. Super chill. I would apologize! Sorry! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's been a hell of a time. We have eaten and drank ourselves across this city, and I don't know. I feel like we should come back. Should we come back? Yeah!

Woo! Woo! Maybe. We should come back? Yeah. I'm so scared. I'll think about it. No promises. We should come back? I'll think about it. No promises. Montreal!

Montreal! Yes! Go to some super sex clubs! Eat real poutine, not this Toronto crap! Poor man's poutine, not this Toronto crap. Poor man's poutine. We haven't played this game in months, and my one goal for tonight is that we reach a climax. I want us to climax on stage together tonight.

Yeah. Skin, are you ready to climax? I know it takes a little longer these days. It's alright. Give me a minute. Just give me a minute. It's always funny when I get an ad call for a blue chew. We're like, no, we don't need that. We don't need blue chew. We're not going to do a blue chew ad.

We don't need blue chew. We all need blue chew. Well, we've got a lot of show tonight, and I want to blow this mother out. Woo! So buy lots of drinks for funnier when you're drunk. Make sure you have a designated driver. There's no merch left. You guys bought all of it. Jesus, yeah.

You guys are amazing. Sorry, customs agents, There's no much. What merch? I'm wearing these seven shirts home. For the first time in 2024, I believe it is time to take it to the recap. First recap of the year. I got those first recap jitters. My goodness, I'm all a titter. Is that a word?

Good thing I've been working on my recap muscles. Monday is chest, tris, and shoulders. Tuesday's back, biceps. Wednesday's recap. Thursday's legs legs can't skip leg day. Joe has skipped leg day for over 40 years He is a big bucket of Guinness sitting on top of two toothpicks My recap muscles are tight that This is the sin. Oh! Do, do, do, do, do! You're as cold as ice! What did you say? Kate, you cannot say that before we start.

We have probably a big combat. You should not. Don't poke the bear. Don't poke the bear. Or what? Don't poke the Bruin. Even if there's a lot of bear to poke. We're not with them. We're not with them. Keep laughing.

Keep laughing. You'll have a lot of free time to make a new character on the plane ride home. I want to break this down as simply as possible, not only for the people in the audience, but the people who will watch or listen to this later, as well as the people sitting up here who just looked at their character, she, for the first time in three months. Joe. Hey! But busted.

He said that at the same time I said Joe, so I think we know who really didn't look. Sorry, sorry, sorry. All right, now listen. Listen. I am. Stop talking, Joe. Your nose ring is blinding me. Is it catching the light?

Please. I told you no piercings on stage. It's in your contract. We are currently in book four. Relax, it's a long recap. Of a six book story. All the husbands and wives of fans understand that so far? There's six books, we're in book four.

Book one was about a bunch of people who woke up in an asylum with no memory of who they were. The asylum they woke up in was under siege by a dream monster. Let's just make it real simple. It's a dream monster. In fact, the whole place was essentially caught in this schism between the material plane and the plane of dreams, the dream lands. The heroes went on to defeat the dream monster, but not before discovering that they were put into the asylum by a man named Count Hazerton Louse IV,

who was also responsible for erasing their memories. They used to work for him and he committed them to the asylum in exchange for being able to do these dream experiments on one of the patients that led to the whole asylum uprising, Dreamland's invasion in the first place. That's book one, okay? Book two saw these people leave the asylum island and head back to the town where the count rules over, okay? But when they got there, they found out that he left town. In his place, a cult had taken over and that cult was capturing and sacrificing people in an attempt to open a portal between worlds.

There are people that have never listened to an episode of this. Portal between worlds. Story so stupid. Whatever. It's just like what was happening at the asylum. Another portal between worlds. The heroes infiltrated the state. Exactly. Exactly. We don't need to mention everyone that was in the story. I'm skipping all the characters. They're not important. The heroes, they infiltrated Lyle's estate where the cult was taking residence.

They wiped out the cult, and they found out where Lyle's was going to and kind of what he was up to. Here's book three. I'm almost done. You're doing a great job. Thank you. Please. Please. stop pandering. I don't need your pity applause. Sorry. Book three, shut up. Book three focused on the heroes hopping on a boat. We're on a boat, motherfuckers. And they were following in the Count's footsteps.

During that time, they examined all these books and journals that they found from the Count's home and realized that his dream experiments evolved to the point where he could project his consciousness into the Dreamlands. And he was doing it to try and meet with this enigmatic, all-knowing Dreamlands figure known as the Mad Poet. So the heroes reenact the same rituals to try to meet this Mad Poet,

to find out what Count Lyle's was up to. And they do. And they find out that Count Lyle's has been infected by something known as a Great Old One. This is like an ultra crazy alien entity. There's a great old one named Jamin Dor. And that Count Lyle's's while infected with this creature this being really he is heading to this occult library known as the Mysterium in the city of Cathere to try and find a book called the

Necronomicon which will give him the knowledge he needs to open up a portal it's all about opening portals in this story. For Xamandor to come into this world and lay it to waste. This is end of the world shit. It's bad. You're right, madam. Very parched. Do you want me to take over the recap while you?

Yeah. You don't know anything. Just check my notes. Book four. You got to go into your drafts. I'm almost done. Go into my draft. Hold on, I've got a draft email for book four.

Yeah, please. Can't wait to not receive it. Book four has our heroes finally getting off the boat and landing in the seaside town of Casimir. Before heading further south to Cathere, they decide to follow up on a lead in Casimir by breaking into the home of one of Count Lowell's known associates, an alchemist by the name of Miachnian Munn. Great name. Great name. Great name. Great name. While searching this former infirmary where Munn made his home and his laboratory, they find out that Munn is gone,

nothing like the Count. And in his absence, he left behind these cronstrucks that were made in his image and other strange alchemical monsters to guard the place while also brokering some sort of peace deal with these underworld monsters known as Dero's. This is what we do for a living and it's ridiculous. And

I wouldn't have it any other way. Last session in Philadelphia, this guy is city. If you think Toronto is lame. At least you can get a dinner reservation in Toronto. Last session in Philly. After defeating yet another one of Munn's horrible creations, the hero spoke with this little piece of skin with a face on it floating in a jar who informed them of a couple key pieces of intel. One, Munn and Lous were

at Munn's house and they left together to head to the Mysterium. Two, Lous had expressed that he was fearful of the Mysterium's guardian, some being known only as the Keeper. Three, Lows was going to contact his old friend, a gnoll slaver named Biting Lash. Oh, see? Yep. This is where it gets fucked up. This is where it gets fucked up. Because when Aldo came over to Galarian from Australia husbands and wives of fans trying to understand this he was taken by this gnoll and enslaved so Lyle contacted biting lash because he needed thralls for this journey of his you want to know what in my headcanon what Laos calls my acting and Munn when they're alone together? Yes.

My tie. That's fun. I don't know what he calls Laos though. Well, the skin also tells you that these underworld deros that Munn was in business with have begun wandering about the house now that Munn's gone, going places they should not go, although they fear what's in the attic. A being you've now heard referred to several times, known only as Munn's anomalous friend. This floating piece of skin begged you to put it out of its misery and you did. Then as it floats to the bottom of its jar, you hear crying from the floor above.

Having looked at the building from the outside, you know that there is only one more floor above this and then maybe an attic space above that. But there is also no staircase or any ladder leading up. And that is where we start our story today. And we will see you in Kansas City. Before you tell me what you want to do from here, please introduce your characters and tell us what we know of them so far, but keep it brief because we've got a show to start.

Skid, you want to start? I am the tall, lanky, down under the night Aldo Chesamir. Nip it on the world, I throw bombs! Hi. My name is Ethel, Ethel Merman. Big Ethel town. I'm the hired muscle around here. Recently gone through divorce. I got two kids.

And I appreciate that. Thank you very much. And I guess the best way to put this is that I'm in a little bit of a situationship Hey, hey, I'm Aris I Kind of joined recently I'm a witch Baba Yaga is my patron and I have a poppet that I carry around and other than that I'm a witch. Baba Yaga is my patron. And I have a poppet that I carry around. And other than that, I'm completely normal. Nothing to see here.

Unless you maybe want to make out later. With my neck mouth. Any mouth. I don't care. Any mouth will do. I will be playing Atticus Grimm. A rat folk who has spent most of his life in a fierce competition to be considered even equal to humans. And it is so difficult that it requires loose morality. So he has studied the dark arts for some time to make himself competitive in the art of

entertaining magic. He's a mentalist of sorts, an illusionist you might say, and this dark path has led him here to try to unlock mysteries, to become more famous and more popular than ever, but it is driving him mad. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, We should come back. We should come back. We should come back. I love it here. There's more NHL Hall of Fame per capita here than anywhere else in the world.

And I will be playing Suki Orianna Iso-Dei. Also... You got the least amount of applause. What was that? It's because they know I have a lot to say. I was ga least amount of applause. What was that? It's because they know I have a lot to say. I was gauging the applause. Formerly known as Sarah, who you met on the Selin River with the followers of Hans Speer, also known as Lisa. Lisa!

And also, also... I'm tearing me apart, Lisa! Skid, you're the best. Thank you. Cheers. Damn, he's good. And also also Tell me apart Lisa! Skid, you're the best. Thank you. Cheers. Damn, he's good. And also known as Hockey and many other names that the GM makes up when I turn into cool animals

because I'm a druid and I'm awesome. And also Soaking Wet. At all times. Soaking Wet. At all times soaking wet all at once yeah i just want that to keep going god damn copyright

fucking youtube all i wanna do is listen to that song if it was just us here we could play this all night we could just sit up here and play songs we wouldn't even have to play the game. We could just fuck. How about a post-show dance party?

Yeah. Oh. I do... I do have some regional specific drops that... Oh! We'll play only Canadian singers. It'd be like, Brian Adams, Greatest Hits. That's it.

It was the summer of 69. Only Canadian singers would be like Brian Adams greatest hits Alright what do you guys want to do let's play pretend Picking up right where we left off. Yes, we've just killed the skin face in the jar. Put it out of its misery, skin face. Murdered. And. You mean Lisa. Lisa.

Sorry, Lisa with one A. Lisa. Suki turns to everyone and she says, hey guys, just want to reiterate how tired I am. I mentioned it about two seconds ago, but I just want to remind you so Sleepy so sleepy could sleep on the floor could sleep literally in this room

No, I'm tired too. I must be these seconds have felt like months. Yes Exactly thoughts Can you sleep? with that cry? I forgot. Oh right. I have that brain where you can ignore a child crying.

Sometimes you can't. But I have the kind of brain where you just don't hear it. It's wonderful. Is it the crying of a child? Actually I don't know. Do you know that? I don't know. I mean, I could cast a little place for us to rest in. And then she makes a little look over at Ethel and goes, maybe sleep in. I'm not really that tired, though,

but it's something I could do. Ethel is rubbing his recently reattached behind. Yeah he is. Yeah he is. Yeah he is. Nice. Nice. Let's talk quick out of character.

I am below half my hit points. This is not that kind of show. Once we enter the world. Suki, what are you saying about your character? show. Once we enter the world. I don't want anyone leaving character until we are back in New York. They're going to hand me a white wine on the planet. What is this garbage? Throw it in the space. Fireball! I look at my laptop and destroy it because I'm freaked out. I don't understand the technology. What like what is this devilry this glowing mirror for real though for real for real though stop laughing for real though wow that was it

that was a real like Troy turn they're so nice do you guys want to rest we don't have to I can continue recovery. I just won't have a lot of spells. I just want my players and my party to know that. Well, Joe had an idea about what we should do. Joe? I will not break characters. Okay, sorry. As a case, you're looking so wistful. Do you have an idea? Well, I'll bring it up then. Well, look. This crying. Whatever it is, it is some haunting sound.

What? Trying to trick us, draw us up. Trying to play on our emotions. As if we care. As if we care. We don't need it. We know what we need to know. Mon is gone. He's not here.

Why are we staying? He's left. He's left with Laos and they've gone to... ...Cathyr. Seems to me it would be even foolish to spend any more time in this house. Yeah, why would we? Like, there's a horrible beast up in the attic! There is one reason.

There is one. I cannot help but scratch this itch of trying to know what his anomalous friend is. I think Aldo can provide you a powder for that. Very good. Very good. What is it? Some guardian? It's a fungus, most likely. No, it's...

It is talcum. Talcum. It's mostly talcum. We've had snake bites, bug bites, it only makes sense. I speak, of course, of the friend. Ah. But what will it... Will it know something about Mun, Lows, perhaps Mun, that our floating piece of skin did not?

As much as I hate to agree with Atticus, and I really hate to agree with Atticus, I too am intrigued. I have a 22 intelligence. So you... Welcome to wisdom. I know. He's like as smart as two Einsteins. I too am extremely curious about what could be upstairs. The fact that every other creature fears it.

It would be wrong to leave without possibly destroying it. Alright, well let's waste no time. No time to rest. Let's go. No, no, stop! Wait! Come back! No, Suki is quite exhausted and I don't know what it is that lies up there, but the way the creatures here speak of it, or the one that spoke to us about it truthfully, even the Deros fear it, in great number. So perhaps we should be at our strongest before we go. I will sit and rest for a moment. And if it will allow us a moment of peace, perhaps yes, we rest here. Eris, you've been suspiciously quiet.

Huh? What? Do you seek to unravel the mysteries of the anomalous friend, or do you wish to leave? I mean, the thing upstairs kind of sounds bad or annoying. Um, because it's crying. But... or annoying. Um, cause it's crying. Oh. But... This will be the annoyance of your lives. I guess I kinda wanna know why I'm here.

And... I guess I like being around you guys. I cannot help. My curiosity is driving me. Let us rest. You said you could help us with this. She looks around the room. How tall are the ceilings?

12 feet. Sick. I've never cast this inside before, but we could always try. I think it might fit. It's cozy cabin. And it- Oh, hell! I prepped it last year, thankfully. before but we could always try I think it might fit it's cozy cabin and I prepped it last year thankfully it's a cabin that's 20 feet. What foresight! A year!

Wow! No guys don't worry it's a nice place wait. I'm sorry, Ethel, what did you say? You. Nothing. Nothing. He didn't. I didn't. You didn't. You listened to everything he said?

What, Cabin? Anyway. It's 20 feet on each side and it's 10 feet high, so it can fit in this room. I just don't think there's gonna be enough beds for everybody. Well, possibly someone could share a bit. I smell sex and candy here. I smell sex and candy here. Where is that music coming from? Is it from the cabin?

I think yes. The cabin is equipped to the fully surround sound bow sound system. I forgot what I was doing the last time I cast this. And what's this swing? Is this attached? Don't kink shame me Suki. What is this swing? This is attached? Don't kink shame me, Suki. What is this swing? I thought you would get it. I can tell you what that's for.

No. They're not ready. Suki puts Pepsi on it. Pepsi swings gently on the sex swing. But yeah, this is kind of like a flavor use of it. I mean, I'm actually going to use it, but it's supposed to be used if I'm in good flavor. If we're in like an inhospitable place, that's like, I would say this house is like too cold, there's lots of wind, stuff like that.

But yeah, it lasts for 12 hours. We can rest in here. There's a fire. There's beds. I love it. Yeah, great like that. But yeah, it lasts for 12 hours. We can rest in here. There's a fire, there's beds. I love it. Yeah. Great. Excellent. We wash that thing. What? Nothing. I mean nothing. What thing? What bedspread? Sorry. I'm gonna go. What bedspread? He's a lonely man. What? Beds? He's a lonely man Let us rest. We go in this awesome non-sexual cabin

Ethel definitely doesn't know where everything is You like start opening the cabinets and pulling up the things immediately where they are Do you need some extra bedding? He goes right to the right spot. All right. We're going to rest. Yeah, I meditate. I get my shit. Well, slow down.

I'm asleep. So you rest in the sex cabin. It's not sex cabin. Is it a sex cabin? We don't know that yet. It smells bestial in here. It smells of sweat and groins. But you rest gently with that musk lulling you to sleep. Perhaps you feel no need to keep a watch

for you are basically invisible in this cozy cabin. You listen for the sounds of that. That's what it feels like. That's what's got its own thing going on. You listen for the sounds of that crying and sometimes you can hear it, sometimes you can't. Sometimes it sounds distant, but yet you remember looking around that room,

which you have yet to search. And you don't see any means of accessing these final two floors or final floor and a half. But you rest. You get your spells back. You get some H-pizzle. What do you do upon waking? You should really search this room.

Yeah. That's a good idea that you came up with. I thought it was over night while sleeping. God, that's why you're so intelligent. Can we just wait a second? I have my shrine in here and I'd really like to redo my spells. You want to redo your spells? Pray to the Baba Yaga before I close this up.

How does that prayer go? In the original language? Yes, in the original tongue, obviously. In Russian. Oh, hi. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Hi. Oh, bottle cap. Oh, man.

Bottle cap. Bottle cap! Wow. Wow. I don't bring any. I don't bring any. McD, give that guy a bottle cap. Give that young lady a bottle cap.

So rare for a whole country to earn a bottle cap for any of these shows. Congrats. Wow. You could leave it in the Stanley Cup. That's true. Not in a long time. Oh, I'm sorry.

You don't like facts. All right. let's play. What do you want to do? Say your prayer. Oh, yeah, after she does her thing, as soon as she exits the cabin, it just folds in on itself. Folds on itself. Wait, before we leave the cabin, though.

Sure, let's keep doing stuff. I also... Damn. We haven't done anything. We're 45 minutes into the show. We haven't done anything yet. Sure, let's keep doing stuff. I also... Damn. We haven't done anything. We're 45 minutes into the show. We haven't done anything yet.

I don't know why I think we're gonna get to anything that I prepare. You have like an 8 a.m. flight tomorrow. We got plenty of time. Suki walks up to Ethel and Eris. And she says, So Suki walks up to Ethel and Eris and she says, if it's all right with you, I would just like to cast something to bond you to, in a way, through magic.

We don't need your magic, witch. Shh. I think. That's not cool when you say it to her, it's only cool when you say it to me. Yeah, I think.'s not cool when you say it to her, it's only cool when you say it to me. In certain circumstances. Sorry, sorry.

I have a special thing called heart bond. And basically, you don't, this is flavor-y, but we can talk about it later if you want to actually use its in-game properties. Once per day, each bonded creature can use a two-action activity to learn the present state of the other bonded creature. And you could potentially send like message, like cast message to each other.

So Suki says, when you got lost in that painting, it was really scary for you, for you, and and she looks at Ethel for all of us and I think you both have a bond that's quite strong so why not use it to our advantage if something happens She pushes her head together a little bit. Sorry. Baby, you're all that I want. You're lying here in my arms. I can hardly believe we're in heaven.

They love him here. Wow. That was impressive love him here. Wow. That was impressive. That was really impressive. And that's exactly what Suki sings. For three minutes, and she does the whole song. And casts. It's a good song.

Actually, it's an hour to cast. One hour of that song. An hour? Oh, nothing could take you. If you could hear that song and repeat for an hour. This is the thing where we're staring into each other's eyes while you're like singing and we're like Directly into your eyes, really close For an hour

Please, technically I'm still married So you searched the room Oh thank Christ. Let me tell you about this fucking room. It is a hive of curious objects. One may call it an extended masterwork alchemist laboratory. Ooh. I'm going to be conflating one-y and two-y in remaster terms,

because we don't know what the hell we're doing. But you find a bunch of alchemical shit in here. There's acid vials, two lesser and four moderate acid vials. Same thing with alchemist fire, two lesser, four moderate alchemist fires. They're still singing Brian Adams. There's also two plus one weapon potency runes. There's all sorts of shit in here. There is a number of discarded objects including a leather pamphlet written in Kelesh by a

traveler to Kethere a dozen or so years ago Perhaps Mon was using this to learn about the journey Can we examine it and It's gonna take a long time so you'll have to do it between shows But you read it and you're like, holy shit. I see the word mysterious like 20 times You read it and you're like, holy shit. I see the word mysterious like 20 times. Holy shit. I better study this before Kansas City. I could probably study this while she keeps singing that song.

Hahaha. Going straight from the... Atticus just like putting earplugs in. Wee! No more Brian Adams. Lurking in a recessed cupboard is an odd object. There's a sealed brass and translucent green glass bottle that contains what appears to be a human brain.

A curved horn made of metal and ivory sprouts from the top of the bottle. And a brass nameplate is stamped onto its base that reads A, period, WIGS, W-E-I-G-S. And when you discover it, periodically the horn emits this like sound, like almost like the brain is doing something,

and it'll like emit like a children's lullaby. Ooh, I know this one. It's a children's lullaby. Gross. Could be when I do a recall knowledge on what this thing is? It might be... How about an occult check? Occultism, yeah.

Recall knowledge a cult. And maybe I'll give you something, as I am known to be generous with recall knowledge checks. If you know, you know. That would be a natty19 on a Jodai! That is my first gameplay role of the new Jodai. Natty19 not bad. That is a 41. Oh! Boo!

We are not getting remotely close to a climax tonight. All right. So we've already established through the past five years, however long we've been doing this traveling tour, that something happened to Atticus at some point pre asylum, right? Where he, what do we know? Because I don't know what's been shared and what hasn't, but like he connected with some sort of entity from beyond, right?

That has given him knowledge that he should not have. I had mentioned earlier that he was so desperate to be equal with humans and be considered equal in their eyes that he took it so far to the dark art of actual mind swapping with a friend of his who was unaware of the procedure the magical procedure he was going to try to implant his own mind in his friend's body so that he could just be human and in that dark ritual something went haywire wires were crossed and he crossed minds with a Yithian, which is an ancient monster of horrible death and is a monster, an alien

of pure knowledge of such an unimaginable amount that it can make you mad to know it. So he knows one small part of it. Part of that made him mad and his knowledge can come out of nowhere sometimes to him. So this makes total sense that at some point in your sort of study of that knowledge one should not have, that you came across information about this contraption you see in front of you, which looks like a non-functioning version of something known as a MeeGo brain cylinder.

That sounds dope. MeeGo brain John, you said? It's a me go brain, John. And it is like it's this machine that contains usually a living human brain that has been vivisected from its host and preserved in this nutrient fluid. And then this contraption is hooked up to various devices that allow the brain to see and hear, allow the brain to sometimes speak and observe its surroundings.

And it's meant as part of a larger, for lack of a better word, ritual that allows a connection between planes that allows like people to you like they almost think these aliens are using human harvesting human brains and connecting them to this machine to open up a portal to this distant alien planet I wish I could try to describe this to my wife like what are you doing but that's what's embarrassing yourself that's what's going on yeah I can barely explain this to you let alone

but yeah that's it's very weird this one is not maybe mon made this and didn't quite have the knowledge but it's fucked up that he was even playing around with this yeah yeah and he'll share it with the group, explain basically what it does, but it doesn't seem to be functioning quite appropriately. Is there any way to communicate with the brain in the device? No, because there's no like machine to hook it up to. So maybe Munn made this, made it for himself, maybe made it for Lyle's as part of a deeper plan. If anything, I don't want you to get too bogged down in this, it just shows that they were they were delving into this dark knowledge. Yeah it's really fucked up. Anything else in the room?

Like we shouldn't delve too deep into this one. You could sell it, you could probably sell it and uh to some weirdo that buys stuff like that. Makes some money. Is there any kind of uh way to access the upper levels from this room? Give me a perception check. Oh. Perception. Everybody. All of you too, if you have dice. Oh, okay.

31. 31. Damn! Damn! Damn, Fetchling. Nat 20. Oh! Oh!

I'm sorry, Sydney, that's the flat check. Oh! Oh no, oh no, Sydney's doing math. Yeah, I didn't even do the math to figure out what it actually is. Don't worry about it. You, Suki, because she's so weird, is just like wandering around,

touching the walls like a creep and at some point you like feel a ladder that isn't there and it's an invisible sure is can you do my visible ladder yeah mine the ladder. Feeling the wall, feeling the wall. What the fuck? I know it's an audio medium, but generally mimes don't speak, right? Yeah. It's different. It's a Toronto mime.

These mimes talk Toronto. It's your classic Toronto mime. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I found a ladder, I think. Doesn't this look like a ladder? What a shitty mime. As you do that, like you're finding the ladder,

as you do that, like, Eris looks up, she's like holding some of her guts in her own hands, and she's like, oh, we don't need to... Sorry, what's going on over here? Are you alright? You kind of just rolled over that one. I want to bring this up. Suki runs over. Iris! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no remember what it was, doesn't matter, because the cantrip that I chose to replace it with, it's pretty cool. It's called Inside Ropes. And I can use my guts as a rope ladder

that I can climb and my party can climb and I was so ready to do that for this. So you just had your intestines, you were gonna make a rope ladder to the ceiling with? Yeah. And you're like, no, all right. I don't think. We don't need to.

I don't think we need. I can put it. Does that hurt you? No, this? Is that what we. Shush. Do you have to say every thought that comes to your mind? It's gotta get us canceled.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. You're right, you're right. You know it's gone too far when I was shipping you. And now I'm not sure. I'm just not, not as sure. I found a ladder everyone. I think it's just invisible, but I imagine it's possibly an illusion. We could just climb up. An illusion? Oh fuck.

Oh you said the I word. What did you say? Here we go. As a case, why don't you come up? He comes up to the ladder. Yeah. Can I identify this as an illusion or hallucination? Yeah, give me an arcana check.

An arcana, John. To recall John. Hey, where's Jeff? Jeff and the crowd gave me this pre-show, so Jeff. There he is. All right, Jeff. Let's the crowd gave me this pre-show. So Jeff, there he is! All right, Jeff, let's see if your shitty tie works right now. Come on, Jeff. That's good, Jeff! 34.

34 are counted. Pretty good. Yes, someone has cast invisibility on this ladder and you imagine that like the time you spent in here. Permanency? It's a permanency, John. Whoa! That is awesome. Wait, but do we see, do we see like a hole?

Like is there a pull down or something from the ceiling? Do you climb up to the top of the invisible ladder? I reversed. Cool. Yes, yes. Cool, cool, cool. No, wait. No, stop. Aldo? What about your wife? Think about her. I can't stop thinking about her. I mean, what wife? Worse. I'm climbing the ladder so smooth I put Pepsi on my neck to also climb the ladder so Pepsi can go up great. What size is Pepsi today?

What made up size is your made-up animal companion today? Is it like a Venice Beach boa constrictor? Or a cute little garter snake? How many pepsi's can dance on the head of a pin? We've established pepsi is a large boa constrictor. Uh-huh. And he's not large, he's medium. He's a medium sized creature, which means he's a pretty big snake. But you can carry another medium sized creature.

So I will put him on me for the sake of having him available. He can't climb a ladder. He's a snake. So you drape this boa constrictor on your soaking wet body. And Ethel climbs the ladder. And you do see this like very faint outline of a trap door in the ceiling that leads up. I shall listen at the trap door. You listen. 24. You hear Someone doing cocaine up in there, hurry! The burr is all gone!

The burr is all gone, go! Eddall starts trying to break down the door with his hatchet. Don't use all of it! I will very quietly see if I can lift the hatch. You lift the hatch. And let's go to the map! Take it to the map! Toronto loves a good map.

Yeah! Oh, shit. Look at this shit. Wow. Wait, wait, wait. Let me put this dummy here. Yeah. All right. You're climbing, you open the hatch, and that sound of sobbing, quiet down over there. I will come over there and steal your molten. Ha ha ha ha. The sounds of sobbing start getting closer and closer and louder, and you open up this hatch and the smell of chemicals and flesh fill the room.

It is reminiscent of the cabin. No. You see a bunch of stuff. What first appears to be curtains hanging throughout the room, as your eyes start to adjust to what's going on up there, you realize that these are scores of skin. Oh, God. That look like they have been taken from their hosts in unimaginable agony, judging by the looks on the faces that are stretched on these skins that seem to

waft eerily in an unseen breeze. Sagging ropes leave rings in the walls and ceiling of this room to form this lattice upon which hang dozens of these humanoid skins. Each I, sort of miraculously look like they've been taken all in one piece. Like if someone took a dagger to you and flayed you in one shot. Like you can do with like an apple peel. Yes. Yeah.

Exactly. Or a really bad sunburn. I can't help but know. Oh no. They hang like sinewy curtains across the room as shown on the map. Though the skins are almost opaque, shadows seem to flit about the room through the nearly translucent skins. The ceiling of the room about 10 feet high and there was another ladder right next to this trap door going up to another trap door in the ceiling perhaps to the attic and sitting on the bottom rung of that ladder is a figure that is sobbing clinging to torn up papers in its hand. And you come up and your face is like right near their shin. And you look and it's yet another one of these myachnian mon hollow ones.

You were greeted at the door of this place by one of these creatures that was super polite You met another one that came raging at you and this one is sobbing. It looks down at you And just keeps crying As it was slowly climbs the room and then as it climb up the ladder and as he gets onto the floor he'll like Gestured downstairs to be like hold on a minute, and then he'll be he'll say to the the the hollow man hollow one There there That was good she she can only leave you once. Bottle cap. That was funny. First of the year! First cap of the year!

That was good. There you go. You got it. I got it on my sheet, thanks. What's wrong? And it just looks at you and it starts like tearing at its flesh like, And then it starts like tearing at its flesh like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then it starts whining in like a very low voice. And then you hear another voice from somewhere in the room, a female voice perhaps.

There's no use speaking to it. It knows not the dealings of its master. Shadows flitting about these skin flaps. Welcome my friend to the place of skin. As you can no doubt see, Mr. Munn has been hard at work, keeping up his end of the bargain. More shadows flit about the room. We used to simply... We used to simply trade supplies with the alchemist, but when he sought to trade knowledge We wanted more in return He shut up

He made us skins The likes of which you see here, secondary skins that we could wear to infiltrate your society and learn. My colleagues and I have been studying his techniques here, more shadows move about the room and we believe we are ready to replicate it ourselves. Now we will have no need for mon. So thank you in advance for allowing us

to practice our new skills. All the skins in the room begin to sway new skills. All the skins in the room begin to sway as creatures dart toward you. Rover Initiative! Oh my God. Now it's the first initiative of 2024! Woo! The poster for this is making sense to me now. Yeah. The poster is not there but yeah. The poster now makes sense. A little foreshadowing. It's horrible. Foreshadowing bro.

All right. I'm dizzy. Aldo what did you get?? 26 for Aldo. Yeah, Aldo! 26 for Aldo. Suki! 27. 20. Oh yeah! You had a southern accent there. 27.

I got scared, I got nervous. That's what happened. I got scared. I got real afraid. Urs. Oh, me? Yes. I don't know, do I have to roll a flat check first or what?

Oh! You're as cold as ice! Because with the dice that I think Jeff gave us, this little guy, I rolled a natural 20. Oh! Oh! Ow, ow! A clock is right two times a day.

Broken clock. Shut up. What's your total? So it's a 35. 25? 35. 35! Woo!

Shut up. Ethel! 31. 31 for Ethel. And finally, Atticus Grib. 29. We're ready. Let's go. Oh my god, it's the first combat of the year. Oh man, and you are alone in this room, Matthew. Yeah, so where would I be? I stepped up to comfort the guy. Would I be there?

Steped up to comfort the guy. That's fine. Right there. Based on your reaction, I'm going to say I went right here. Fair enough. All right. How am I going to fuck you up? Just to be clear, you rolled higher than 35 initiative this time. Right?

Yes. Yep. Obviously. Every time. Makes perfect sense. Rolled 37. Yeah, obviously. Oh. Oh. Why would there be any number lower? I rolled that in November. Joe, he must have rolled like a 22. He probably rolled a 22. On the die. Plus his, yeah, obviously. Troy's gonna roll, Troy's gonna roll, the total is true. From the back of the room, you see a creature emerge. It kind of slides across. You can only see it passing through these skin flaps. And it looks like, how do you make it grow? How do I make it bigger?

Shift what? Shift C. There it is! It looks like those creatures, it has the same skin tones as those creatures that you fought underneath, those deros. This one looks… It's hot. Let me finish. That is the hottest forearm chick I've ever seen. This one looks bestial.

You can't see in the photo but it has sort of like animal fangs, almost like its nose is starting to snout out and it has this third vestigial arm coming out of its chest. And it has bombs all over it. Oh, no. What is this? So it moves. Second action, it throws a bomb at you. What's your name again? Ethel? Yeah. All right. Here comes a bomb. Oh, so what happens is it's, you know, this is amazing. It's vestigial arm quick draws the bomb and throws it. One action, John. So here we go this digital arm toss shitty roll shitty shitty roll however obviously 30 to hit. Yes that's obviously a hit not a crit. Not a crit well that makes a big difference. You get hit by a big old fire bomb alchemist fire up in ya face.

Alright, this is gonna be a lot. You're gonna take some persistent fire damage. You're also going to take, oh man, rocks, rocks, rocks! 18 points of fire damage. Three persistent fire damage, which you'll take at the end of your turn, and you'll take three fire damage as well, like another three fire damage, three persistent fire damage which will tick at the end of your turn, and you'll take three fire damage as well, like another three fire damage. Right now. From the splash, yeah. So eight, was that 18 altogether? 21 all together. 21, brutal. He's all by himself up there. So three persistent fire.

And it's got one more action, I'm gonna throw another bomb at you. Quick draw, vestigial arm, another one comes at you. This one's gonna be a bottle of lightning! Ooh, ooh, good roll, good roll. 19, 20, 22, 32, another hit. Yeah. 34 to hit. Still not a crit. Second attack. All right, this is bottle of lightning.

So you are going to be flat footed until the start of your next turn. You are going to take three electricity splash damage and you're gonna take. I believe I'm off guard. Yes, you are off guard. You are. And you're gonna take shit damage, seven electricity.

So 10 total electricity. You just got hit by two bombs. Persistent on this as well? No, persistent on the electricity electricity the bonus bad thing that happens is that you're off guard check it and see ah it is now Eris's turn Eris you hear your lava scream in pain um I don't know if it was because of the shadows that the skins were making, but do we get the sense there's more than one enemy up here? It's just this person.

From your vantage point at the bottom of the ladder, you have no idea. Hey, how many things are up there? I can just see the one, but there's a whole bunch of skins on wires Skins Yeah on wires on wires or ropes, maybe anything else. I can't see anything. It's not my turn I haven't been able to does it sound terrifying at all. Also. There's the guy there's a he seems sad should we come up? He seems obviously we go up Suki honestly we should probably just go All right, since she doesn't know I said this earlier He seems sad. Obviously we go up, Suki. Honestly, we should probably just go. We should leave?

All right, since she doesn't know us. I said this earlier. We heard two explosions as well. Is that significant at all? Oh, yeah, she's got bombs. Oh, it's a lady. Is she pretty? Who's up there?

Who's up there with you? I don't know her name. What's your name? I don't know her name. What's your name? It doesn't respond. However, the crying guy took some splash damage and he just continues to cry even though he's covered in fire and electricity. Can I give you something to cry about?

She's got a vestigial third arm. I understand. I have a vestigial third nipple. Oh, wow. Sorry, I don't know why I shared that. Eris is heated. Eris is jealous. So she casts Haste on Ethel. Yeah.

Three foot range. Like, come on, move faster up there. But not too fast. Don't make her, you know, into that. And then she's also going to cast for one, one action, Guidance on Ethel too, because you're the only one up there. Little Haste, Little Guidance. She saw maybe some fire come out of the opening of the attic door, and it looks scary, and she wants to help you. So, Little Guidance.

At that moment. Oh gosh. Another creature. Remember me down here. Remember me when you see her up there. scary and wants to help you. At that moment, another creature... Remember me down here. Remember me when you see her up there. Oh my god. And that's her guidance speech. After Eris casts some spells to buff Ethel, another creature... Shit!

Oh no! ...pops out. This is a Daryl. This is another creature that comes out of Monster Manual 2, I believe, in AD&D. All right, now there's two of them. All right, it moves up into the room. The other one is attractive.

All right, so Ethel, you see this thing sort of, these skin flaps are moving and shaking in an unseen breeze and all of a sudden it's eyes, lock eyes with you. Give me a will save. Shit. Okay. Is this a fear effect? No. But you will be afraid. 31. 31. All right. You're going to take a minus one status attack penalty to your attack rolls and your will saves. But because you rolled a 31, you realize what's happening. You kind of feel like lost for a moment. Like you're frozen in time as it stares at you. Everything, like the edges around your peripheral vision start to blacken and you almost feel like you're falling

into like a trance of some sort. It is hypnotizing you, which is throwing you a little bit off, which would explain why you would take a minus one to your attack roll, and a minus one to your will save. It is messing you up. And then, I have one action left and I wish I had two because I want to kill you. Is that a condition I can apply on my sheet? No, just remember it. I

definitely will. Shit. All right, then, I'm going to do that. That's all I'm going to do. That's all I'm going to do. I have reasons. Wait, what did it do? I'm not talking to you. What did it do? It stared.

It stared. It was a visual... And a very stare. A very stare... A very stare... Hypnotized. But it had no effect on Ethel. Minus one to attack Woltz and Vultz.

Ethel, it is now your turn. Um, okay. I'm curious what you do here. Who's next on the ladder? Suki, right? Yeah. Me and Pepsi. And Pepsi. Who's next on the ladder? Suki, right? Yep. And Pepsi. And Pepsi. Of course. It's me and Pepsi.

The hell are you eating? Pickle. What else would I be eating on stage in front of 300 people? A pickle? Pickle. Stars, they're just like us. They love pickle. You're so weird. I made a pickle martini. Is that so wrong? That's just vodka in a glass with a pickle. That is not a pickle martini. All right. Come on. Here's what Ethel is going to do. Ethel is going to do a dual weapon blitz. What? What? I can stride up to my speed at any point during the movement. I can strike once with each of the two required weapons in my

hand. These strikes can be against the same or different targets as you see fit, which is exactly what I'm going to do. So I'm going to move north into the room so he'll start ducking under the flaps of skin, hammer in one hand, hatchet in the other. He will move as he comes nearby the derro, he will strike out with the hatchet. Okay. Now, if you want to stay to the right, you won't take a penalty because of concealment. But where you're, you got that curtain between you, you're gonna get a little penalty. So I'll rush. A little flat check, a little flat check.

No thanks, I'll rush straight up to him. Okay, here's the thing though. There will be a flat check, because you won't have cover, but you do notice now that you're up next to this thing, it seems a little blurry. Okay. Seems a little blurry.

Now here's how we've always done things. Oh he didn't notice that from farther away. Here's how we've always done things You need to roll a flat check if you want to have a great day while he says bullshit Boomy all you want read a book Kate has left the stage with a row teller. I bet you they are not friends in real life DC5 flat check before you do anything. Five. Oh, suck it! Okay. The skin of your teeth! That drop just seems to work for everything.

I know. 31 to hit with the hatchet. 31 to hit with Molly Hatchet! That's a miss. That's a hit. Okay, that will be nine points of damage. You don't do a lot of damage. Well, not in once. Not in one hit. Okay.

It's cumulative. I will, however, keep moving. Okay. Not in one hit. OK. It's cumulative. I will have her keep moving. OK. Ooh. Do the second attack. Is that going to provoke an attack? That's a step. Nothing seems to happen.

No, it is the same movement. No, it's the same. This is the blitz. It's the continued blitz. Oh, the blitz. Blitz. All right, so you slide up, slide. I'm going to say, based on that positioning,

I'm not going to give cover to this sexy Darrow. Ha ha ha! She's distracting enough. That was actually a 30 to hit. I forgot to apply the minus one. Still a hit. I applied it in my brain. Okay, great. All right.

And then I will strike out at the sexy Darrow. Yeah. Did you hear that, Eris? With the war hammer. And that will be a 29, 28 to hit. 28 to hit. That's a big old miss. Oh, come on. You're following along at home.

The fighter has done nine points of damage. Anything else? Yeah. Oh. With my final two actions I will double slice. Dude's got nine actions. I'm quickened. Tasted! Two actions, two weapons, blitz. Two actions, double slice.

And you get a gun dance. Actually, no, I don't think I can do that because those actions are not called a strike. Oh. Well. Well, well, well, well. So instead I will heal myself for my third action. Okay. Fourth action, I will, by the way, we forgot our battle cries. Yeah, your battle cry?

We get a free action to demoralize. You know what we can do now is we can just undo our turns and then just go back to the first turn and just say That the rules are different now Just go back one turn and just undo everything we did seems yeah, we've done it before so why not yeah You know what it's Atticus's turn. No, I've got one more action. Never getting a bottle cap again. He's still going. Okay, Atticus, Ethel is going to attempt to just strike with a Warhammer, third action. Fourth action.

And that'll be missed. Hasted, fourth action, miss. Nine points of damage. But you know who's gonna rain down fury? Joe O'Brien. Cheese curd Joe. Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!

Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! It just works. You're right. You're totally right. We discovered what we would call, as we record Gatewalkers, off air, that Sydney forgot her incredible initiative. I forgot. Which leaves Suki with the exact same initiative as Atticus. Which means I will defer to Sydney right now. We have the same initiative. She will go before me. She has a 29 as well. All right, Suki. Wow us Awesome Suki climbs up the ladder. My staff is in my hand. And yes, I have combat climbers. So that's no big deal

Look at this rules lawyer over here You guys better watch out when she reads her character sheet. When she can do math, she's gonna be unstoppable. Once I learn how to read, it's over for you. I climb up the ladder, Pepsi's on my shoulders. I would like to move into the room, and I know I could potentially take an attack of opportunity, but I don't care. I'm gonna move around the crying nun, but I don't care. I'm going to move around the crying munn.

And I look at him weirdly. I'm like, what's this guy? Move around him. Does anybody take an attack? No, he's just crying. OK. Cool. So then.

I'm sorry, quick question. How much movement have you used? Where are you in your action economy? I used one. So you start at the bottom of the ladder, moving up and in is one action. Yeah. All right, great. Okay. Thanks. I'm just trying to figure out what I can do on my turn. No, no, no. It's good to know. It's good to know because I don't want to get caught in

like a weird situation where you think the rule is one way because you played it that way and then it turns around. I really didn't think this would come up this often. That would be awkward. We're having fun. Ladies and gentlemen, that's the pickle top. I'm not having fun. I fucking hate Joe. That's the pickle top.

Just kidding. Then. I like him. Then. Yes. Out from Suki's dress, Suki's eyes go black, completely like a shark, smelling blood in the water. And out from her dress, black, thorny spikes just erupt and shoot in a line. What?

What? Did you say a line? Yeah. And I... Oh yeah! I read the spell. Oh. Please make a basic reflex save.

Against who? All both of them? Yes, it's a line. I read the spell. Please make a basic reflex save. Against who? All both of them? Yes. It's a line. Oh my god. Reflex save. Read the last line of the spell.

All right. The first one. The first one is going to roll a reflex save. Just you wait. Ooh. Roll a 39. Excuse me. That was the second one.

The first one, who is right next to you, has a 17. Is that a critical fail? That is a critical fail. Yeah! Oh my. Correct me if I'm wrong, the one in the back, sexy three arms, probably a critical success. 39?

Yes. All right, so no damage most likely. Unfortunately, that was a crit success, but we are going to roll 8d6. Oh, sorry. Did I say 8d6? It's double damage for the crit fail. That's 16. That's still 86.

Oh, I double it. Wait, wait, wait. I was going to do math. 16. Okay. We're going long. We're going long. We're going long.

We're going long. We're going long. We're going long. We're going long. We're going long. We're going long. We're going long. It's going to be 60 points of damage. As these black thorny vines just shoot out from under her dress and just just stab this

guy like through him. That's amazing that you made up a spell since the last session. Phenomenal. Since I rested, I prepared different spells. You light up this, Daryl. And the other one is dodging Matrix style, doesn't take any damage. Vestigial arm, knocking roots out of the way. This one is in bad shape.

Cool. And that was a two action Jon, so that's my turn. And then Pepsi Good use of John Pepsi is a mature animal companion So Pepsi slithers off and comes next to me in that diagonal square as his stride action. So he's just gonna move Right there. Yep. Wait, what's not about screen in front of you? Sorry Such a dick You have a screen in front of you. Sorry.

Such a dick. So mean. No, Pepsi is going to move next to Suki. You mean the diagonal square right next to you? That's my turn. All right. Good turn. All right. Good turn. Certainly more than nine points of damage, am I right? 60 points of damage, it's cool.

Now, it's Atticus' turn. Atticus is going to scramble up this ladder, quickly following Suki, up into the room and will just end right near the ladder. And so I can do that as one action, as a stride action. Sure. Up the old ladder. Tiny little rat clumps up. Into the room. The place of skin.

Oh no. And then he will just, he's going to look across at this new Darrow. What is this thing? What is this creature? And instead of rolling Recall Knowledge, which would be smart, he is gonna use his action economy to, what's that?

Not in our game. Not in our game. Do it. We don't play that way. He is gonna cast a spell. Okay. He's going to reach out with the darkness that broils within him and close this creature's window to its world.

He's going to cast blindness on it. Oh! And just darken its senses, assuming by looking at it that it has eyes and is subject to such a spell. And so that is a, I don't know, will save? Question mark? Fortitude. Fortitude save. Is this, does this spell have the occult descriptor? It does have the incapacitation trait. Ah!

Sir! What? It doesn't matter in this case you are more powerful there I knew it however doesn't have the occult trait The spell yes because I might get a bonus Oh interest will save you say huh? 31 oh you are a piece of shit and no one likes you Fortitude. Why don't you tell me the correct...

I said fortitude. I thought you said will. I said will and then I said fortitude. Okay, well that's gonna be... What's the first one? We have to count the first one. Yeah, let's take it back. Let's take it back.

I heard will. All right, so shit. That is gonna be a 25. No! No! No! No! Oh shit! He closes this creature's window to its world. The creature is blinded for one minute. Oh, yes!

And you no longer take a penalty to attack and will save. Wow. Its hypnotic gaze can no longer hurt you and that makes this combat lame. I do have something for you Troy. We didn't do my persistent fire damage. I also forgot to have Suki roll against concealed, but that's okay. So I take three to three to three persistent then give me a flat check.

Eight. You're still on fire. Yeah. Well, at least there's that just an immolated Ethel. All right. Anything else? No, you moved. That was two cast a spell, but it's blind. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 2024, welcome to the initiative tracker, Mr. Skidmaw.

All right. Thank you, buddy. Are you ready to be disappointed? Skid, they're Maple Leaf fans, of course they are. Not on my turn, please. Don't do that on my turn. Aldo with his long, lanky body, he hates being left behind. He is going to scramble up this invisible ladder. I want to get up and move to the square to the west of Atticus. Boop!

With one move. Shoop-a-doop. Oh, welcome. Shoop-a-doop. And with the second action, he is going to toss a bottled lightning. Oh wait, so the Darrow is blinded, right? The Darrow is blinded. So are they off guard then?

Yes. As one of the conditions. So instead of throwing bottled lightning, he is going to throw a Dread Ampule. Yeah! Yeah! That's a 25 to hit. 25 to hit, you're throwing through these skin flaps. That is going to be, you ready for this?

With the skin flap. That's a hit. However, that was the flat check. Wait, so the skin flaps don't provide cover, they are concealment? No, the skin flaps give it cover, but it also has its blur. So now roll the hit. No, the skin flaps give it cover, but it also has its blur. Oh, we forgot. Yeah, yeah. It's blurred.

So now roll to hit. OK. See, doesn't it suck? Doesn't it suck? It does suck. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm confused by what's happening here. You're not involved with this. I targeted the woman-looking, three-armed creature with blindness. Mm-hm. OK. Oh, no, I thought you did the dare No, the the main tough looking you dummy. I didn't give you the fortitude save for that

I thought you were attacking this one here You I thought did you say the sexy you said she was a dare you both dare us but don't worry, you know, you're the dummy Well, I mean, I'm a dummy. Wait, who's the dummy? Troy called you a dummy for his own mistake. What is happening? I think that the other creature has to give me their fortitude save result and that Dero is... Dude, you can't even...

The reason I thought you were attacking the one that you can see is the other one is behind a bunch of skin flaps Well has line of sight does it effect. Yeah, look at that. You're standing us to a big flap There's a face looking at you. I That's why I don't have line of sight no no, so keep the other one blinded I mean mean, I wouldn't... whatever. You wouldn't have done that. Correct. But I don't think there's a way you can get into position to try and blind her. If you look at those skin flaps...

Yeah, but I thought they were like moving to... Stop saying look at the skin flaps. Stop laughing at skin flaps. It's not that funny. If there's no line of sight, I can't target her. Let me guide you through the skin flap. But I'm fine with just moving on. Okay.

And saying the other one is blind. Apple shouldn't take a negative. It's good. From the beginning, I wanted the tougher one to be blind. From now on, please describe them as sexy Derro... and the other Derro. Yeah. Whose turn is it?

Skin, you rolled that flat check, huh? I did. Nice. Yes. What was the to hit? The to hit was 36. Oh! 36 is a crit.

Yes! Kill it! Critical threat, critical threat, critical threat. Critical! Critical threat, critical threat, critical threat. Okay, so that's 14 points of total damage. Four zero? Yes. You kill that damage. No, no, 14.

14? Yes. You still kill that damage. Alright. Alright, there's one creature unblinded left in this combat. And man, is she sexy. I wonder what she could do with that third arm, am I right? I don't know. Sex stuff. Anything else Aldo?

With my third action because I can't really... I'm not in a position really to hit her from where I am. So Aldo is going to move adjacent to Ethel to get a hopefully better look at her next round. I don't like that you guys killed that other Darrow because he had cool abilities that I can no longer use. However... Am I still off guard? Uhhhh, no. No you're not. Yes, you are, because of the fucking lightning

That was lightning. Yeah, you won't be at the end of her turn You've thrown me all off. All right, so she is standing right next to you and she is a sight to behold Her friend is now dead Sorry about your friend Sorry sorry sorry about your friend. Sorry about your friend. Shit. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to try and move away from you, which will provoke. It will trigger a reactive strike. Yeah! Warhammer.

Warhammer. Crack die. 40k. Okay. I don't have the might of flier. Flats check. Is she... Actually, is she concealed to me? She is. Then that will have no effect on me because I have blind sight today. Oh. You have blind sight today? Blind fight, blind fight. Nobody likes a braggart. Because of my combat flexibility. Okay. Alright, so what was the hit?

The hit was 36. That is a hit. Nice! Yes! Okay, 14 points of bludgeoning and three points of cold. Okay, 17 points of total damage to this thing as it slides to another skin flap. Yeah. Its sexy third arm reaches into its bandolier and throws another bomb at you

no oh oh I can't add this high 43 to hit oh no that will be a crit. Oh my god, I don't know if I have this many D8s. Oh no. Oh god. 28 points of fire damage. Jesus. Followed by three persistent fire. That's already happening. And then three fire splash.

Skid, do you double the splash on a crit? You do. give yourself six? Which I also take yeah So does Pepsi and so does Pepsi and Pepsi dies Wait shouldn't the sexy Darrow then have taken splash damage from skids bomb Wait, shouldn't the sexy Darrow then have taken splash damage from Skid's bomb? Oh? Oh. No, it attacked you.

And so Skid and the dead Darrow and Pepsi take the splash damage. Yes, but on Skid's card he threw a bomb. Yeah, it would have taken ten points of splash from my body. Fair enough, I'll add that. This is already... This combat is already out of control, so sure, 10 points. Troy, what was the splash for Pepsi? 42, I think.

42? 42. How many hit points does Pepsi have? A lot! It was 6. That plus 10. It was 6. Thank you, Matthew, it was 6.

Though Pepsi wasn't crit, so does Pepsi take double splash damage? Yeah, Pepsi's dead. No, Pepsi's not dead. Pepsi's alive and well. Stop spreading rumors. Everyone go home tonight knowing that Pepsi died. The day Pepsi dies, I'm out. Mark my words, LaValley.

All right. I'm joking. I moved. I don't want to leave the show. I threw a bomb. I'm going to move. I'm going to throw the bomb I'm gonna moved. I'm gonna throw another bomb Third arm you do not double splash damage on a critical hit so that's just three. All right

Skid lied to me Pepsi's so alive. I don't remember that I threw another bomb and I rolled a natural 20 And this is a named character. Give me a sweet Toronto based ranged crit. Alright we're going to go to Sonya in Toronto. Sonya here tonight. Or Sonya. Sonia here tonight. Or Sonia. She's back there.

Oh! Oh! What's that? Oh! Oh! Hey! You're gonna kill Matthew. I hope you're happy with yourself, Sonia.

Matthew, not Ethel. Yeah. If I have my way. All right. All right, the name of this crit is oh dear boom salad. Yes Yeah Something odd about the way your projectile strikes the target causes it to explode Sending shards flying in fortuitous direction. It's a bomb. It is a bomb. Don't

Very well, we're to it as directions double damage It is a bomb. Double damage plus half damage to any enemies within five feet of your target. Twenty-six points of damage to Ethel, 13 points of damage to Aldo and dead Pepsi. Take the X off of Pepsi. Pepsi is not dead. Stop it. Can't believe Pepsi's dead. Unbelievable.

Stop. She's adding conditions. So many conditions. Can't even see them. They're one small. In the arm of the hand. No! I have PTSD!

Don't kill Pepsi. Sorry. Sorry. Alright, so... What a turn. What a turn for this sexy Darrow. Every single one of you gets a turn before she gets to go again.

Eris, you are still downstairs. Ooh, I've been hearing so much about her third arm and how sexy it is. So she conned up the ladder. It's not inherently sexy. It's just the way she uses it. I am going to kill this bitch and take her arm and attach it to me. Mark my words. So yeah, she climbs up the ladder and she pops out right in front of Atticus here.

Maybe sees this lady in between the skin flaps as they're flapping. She's like, ooh, yeah, she is hot. So that was one action. And then she's going to use two actions to cast a spell on her called Ill Omen. So I would like you to please roll a will save does ill omen have the incapacitation it does not have the incapacitate trait are you sure what type of save do you want me to roll a will save a will save yeah oh I I have that. 41. Fuckin' shit. Is that high enough for your shit spell?

Jesus. The target is unaffected. Target. So she's like trying to reach into this hot lady's mind to throw her off balance, give her some misfortune, and it just doesn't work. I don't know if it's the skin flaps, I don't know if maybe Iris is like, oh, Ethel was right. It's classic. That

arm. But she doesn't hit. Skin flaps and arm are very distracting. It is a sexy, gross room. I think Eris might enjoy this room. Matthew Kaprakas, it is Ethel's turn. Ethel laid a decent hit on this young lady for me, an attack of opportunity. But you're doing the least damage in the party right now, your thoughts? That's not true. I've done more damage than Pepsi. In Pepsi's defense, he's dead. He's not wrong. It's rude to do on the day that he died, but go on. Okay.

You can speak of the dead in such ways? I'm still quickened, right? From the haste? What? Yes, you're for one minute. Alright, first action, battle medicine on myself. What do you do? What do you do to do that to yourself? I stuff... You guys are good. I stuff a piece of my shirt into my wound to stop the bleeding. That's how they teach you in medical school. That won't get infected.

That's right. Shove the shirt into a wound. Sweaty shirt. It's only gonna be for about 24 seconds. Right. Okay. And then Ethel will step up to the sexy marrow. Oh, baby. And I will attempt to grab the sexy marrow. All right. Now you're saying she's not concealed, right? So this is just a straight up athletics check against my fortitude, John?

It will be an athletics check against your fortitude DC. Good luck. Yeah. Try. my fortitude John? It will be an athletics check against your fortitude DC. Yeah, try. You should try. It's my best skill. Yeah. I can't believe you're trying. Natural 18. For a total of? Total, you say. For a total, yes. Total you say? Total you say? 39. It's pretty good. She is grabbed. Yeah! Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't think you can grab with a weapon in each hand. Thank you Joe. Thank you. Free action, drop the hatchet.

Free action, drop the hatchet. Do you drop the war hammer as well? No. The hatchet tries to return back to my hand. I'm like not... It's desperate. That's what I love you! Not now! Alright so now she's flatfooted and immobilized.

Then, so I basically, I rush up to her, I drop the hatchet, rush up to her, kind of just like swing an arm around her. So I've got her kind of in a headlock. And now I'm gonna try to hit her in the face with my hammer. Jesus Christ. Nice. I do take the map.

Yes. You take that map. Yes. You take that map. Fuck. That'll be a 26 to hit. I'm sorry, no. I'm sorry, no. She's grabbed! It's very, very tricky. Ethel has the sexy beast grabbed. And then it's... You have more? Oh, you're hasty, I'm sorry. No, I'm done with actions, but you want to do the persistent damage. I'm fine to skip it if you don't want to do it.

No, take three points of persistent, give me a flat check to see if that goes away. You're no longer off guard. 13. You are still on fire. Unlike your rules. Suki, what do you got there, Suki?

Do you see Ethel's grabbed this woman? She is restrained. Yeah, Suki also sees that Ethel is quite hurt. She is going to cast Heal. I'm gonna use my fourth level, one of my slots. Heal on Ethel as she reaches out her arm. You're gonna get back 55 points and then she is going to third action call out to Pepsi and Pepsi is going to slither Pepsi's not dead. Not dead as he slithers up to the lady.

Sexy Darrow. And he's going to boi! Let's see what happens. Flat check. If you move over here, you can flank and avoid the flat check. Oh yeah, that's a great idea. Pepsi knows that. Pepsi moves so that he is flanking.

Oh, how convenient. Pepsi's such a smart snake. Yeah. Piss. That's a flat check. You still need a flat check, right? Oh, wait, I need a flat check? It's still a flat check?

Every square is a flat check. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's concealed. It's blurry just like the other. Pepsi is next to it. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's still a flat check? Every square is a flat check. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It's concealed. It's blurry just like the other. Pepsi is next to it. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's blurry. Oh, she's blurry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I thought the other... I haven't been super consistent with this. I failed the flat check. It's a seven. Oh. Flat check is a five. Oh, it's a five still.

Yeah. I thought it went up. Little first show of the year kinks. That's gonna be a 31 to bite with Pepsi's jaws. That's a hit. Yeah! 14, 15, 16, 17 points of piercing. Yes! Ethel you could learn a thing or two from that dead snake. That undead snake that attacked you. And that is our turn. Sometimes it's like, why do we even play?

Be shamed by a bullet constrictor. Good round, Sukes! Atticus Grisley done. What do you have? What do you have to do here? You should have done when you came in the room is try to blind her. If I was playing a wizard, that would be the first thing I'd do. Such a piece of shit. All right. I am going to Atticus ‑‑ can he see her now? Does

he have line of sight? Or is she invisible? Dude, I'm seeing a lot of skin flaps. I think you need to move to at least Schma. Or maybe even Schma. He starts ducking and dodging through the skin flaps. All these grotesque faces. So he steps five feet. Does he see her yet?

Line of sight. No. He moves close to Aldo. Aldo, where is she? I can't see her. Docking. Dodging. Does he see her yet? Yes. You are quite beautiful. Atticus will, as they say, fuck her up. Yeah, fuck her up! All right, let's, he's going to rip with his mind one of these skin flaps off the wall and just smash it in her face! So telekinetic projectile with a flat check. You just slap her with a flap slap her with a flap Flat check is successful. Yeah classic your classic flap slap now the role to hit goes to again

This is pre-show fun from my friends Mike from Ottawa. Who's not here that piece of shit But he sent a lot oh you are here? Oh he just wasn't VIP. Sent along with his buddy a die, a neon green for me! So let us see if it can hit here we go neon green John telekinetic projectile a disturbing amount of damage Skid flap natural for wait

Wait Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait? I have a drop for this. Let's head it off! Let's head it off! For the beady little o- Be on green my ass. Mike, do you want your die back now? Cause it's gone. It's right here. So the skin flap just wha goes whipping by her and doesn't do anything.

Cool. Devastating. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We know it's not you Mike, we know. It is Aldo's turn, what a horrible round thus far. God damn it.

I did grab her. You did grab her. And I healed a lot and Petsy bit her. Now your friend with the bomb is going to try and hit her while you've got her grabbed. All right. Aldo is desperately going to start hurling bombs at this creature's sexy feet. All right. First thing, he is going to throw a bottled lightning at her. Okay. His first attack. She is off guard. Come on! Oh, wait, she's already off guard?

Yes. Oh, then I do not throw a bottle of lightning. I am going to throw a blight bomb. I'm going to throw a blight bomb. Blight! Concealment. Concealment, nine on the flat check. See sometimes it works for you guys.

That is, you're fine. Okay. All right. And with the attack is a 28. That's a miss. Off guard! Blinded by the blight. She's off guard.

I know. I did the math. All right. She will take five points of poison splash damage. Will Matthew take any? Actually, yeah, since I missed her. Matthew's character. But I will too, as a matter of fact. So sprays everywhere. And Pepsi. And Pepsi. The Pepsi just salt in the wounds. Real, just the success all around. Thanks. How much? Five, five points. Uh, okay.

Pepsi's dead. Just kidding. Okay. Just joshing. Uh, okay. Now I am going to throw with my second attack that will also miss. I am going to throw an acid flask. You got it, Skid.

It's not going to miss. Come on. Yep an acid flash. You got it, Skid. It's not gonna miss. Yep, that missed. Okay. So we all take another five points. Flat check. Okay. It's flat check. Pass the flat check. And I rolled the exact same number for the hit. So we all take, everyone in the vicinity takes five points of poison splash damage. And Pepsi is dead. Oof. Not dead. Pepsi has taken no less than 90 points of damage. That's not true. Fewer.

I was still alive. All right. Yeah. And before ‑‑ while I'm thinking of it, while it's my turn, I believe there's a crying munn, right, still by the ladder? Yes, crying munn. Okay. I believe the crying munn was a character in the show Sliders, which was filmed here in Canada. In fact.

Cool. Like, I'll take my bottle cap with a cash equivalent, please. My third attack. I'm going to roll the flat check. And fail. Bruce, growl. Everyone still takes the splash damage, right? No, because I think if you can't roll the flat check, you can't get the attack off.

I can't get it off at all. Pepsi's already dead. Let can't get it off at all. Pepsi's already dead. Let's not make it worse. Yeah, you probably would take five points of damage. Well, actually, that's really interesting. She would take it as well. So I'd say Pepsi, Ethel, and Sexy Girl take five points of damage.

All right. Yeah, that's fine. That was fire, by the way. That was fire. Rough round for the crew. Just brutal. Really strong start to the year, Escape. Gonna try and escape. So it's gonna be against your athletics, DC, 34. You just barely escaped. Yeah, no shit.

Cause she's sexy. She's out. She's out. Then she is going to try and slide back, which is gonna be, I'm gonna do a step not provoke now I only have one more action, and I'm going to throw a bomb. How are you looking Ethel rough-shape? I'm looking especially handsome in this rugged in this rugged situation

Well then you won't mind if I throw another bomb in your face. I just got healed so no I want to take you out. Here we go. Infused. Do you feel threatened by me? Alchemists fire up in, yes, your face. 33 to hit. That hits. Hits you for more damage. Such a poet. Only eight points of fire damage. Wow, what a pathetic round in general. How dare you. Plus another three.

Wait, that's the lowest amount of damage that's been dealt so far. Plus another three splash, so 11 total. Still standing? Yes. Still standing. Dude's got two hit points, tops. Unfortunately, since she had to use an action to escape,

then moved, only gets to throw one bomb. Yes. Nice. Can't wait to see what you guys do this round. Ha ha ha! Eris. Alright. I don't know what else to do, but she's going to try again to somehow get through

it's defenses, so she reaches out her hand to try to cast another spell. Knowing that will is not the way to go, please roll a basic fortitude save. Ya basic. A basic fortitude save. Sure, no problem. Let me just roll my d20 and that's really bad. Is it? 25. Oh, fail. Oh, fail. Yay. So I casted two actions worth of Rip the Spirit. So I target her, and now since I used two actions, it's 10d6 instead of 5d6 negative

damage. So let's just use my online Roller to Roller list because I don't have that many dice on me. Oh, no. No! 40 points of damage. Shoo! To the hot lady! And I go, stay away from that man,

let him grab you and have his way with you if he wants, but don't do anything silly. It's so hard to follow this love story. I don't know what I want. Maybe you should come with us into my cabin. Ah! She's like, what are you talking about? I don't know what I want. Maybe you should come with us into my cabin. She's like, what are you talking about? Did you just invite her to the cabin? I don't know. What do you want? You're grabbing her. What do you want?

I'm trying to save us. You're trying to... Okay, all right. Since she cascaded on you again, being like, okay, well, if that's the case, then please try to grab her the different way next time, because the way you grabbed her the first time led me to believe that you wanted to do certain things to her based on past experience. Wow.

I appreciate this open and direct communication. I will attempt to implement the advice right away That makes me feel hurt For as crazy as they are they have really good communication like you cannot deny it this relationship is going to kill the entire party It is Ethel's turn That is Ethel's turn. Okay. Ethel is going to step up with the step and then I'm going to double slice because I need the most as possible.

Yes, get them both. Come on, crit! Kill it! Battle 20! Flat check. No, I don't. Guidance? But I do take the guidance, but that looks cracked to me. There is no guidance. Wait, wait don't. Uh, guidance? But I do take the guidance.

But that looks cracked to me. There is no guidance. You can't cast guidance. I thought you cast... But you cast it twice. You can only do it once. You can tell me that now and my turn's over. Wait, I thought you cast...

I asked her if you cast guidance. She said you cast eyes. I thought you cast eyes on him. Oh, I misheard you. I'm sorry. Can't do the cut Okay, that is a What? Can't stop it's a 35 on the warhammer and a 26 on the hatchet I Draw my hatchet. I draw my hatchet.

You mean that hatchet that's on the floor? So I drew the Kukri. And it's part of a movement. Alright, so hit with a warhammer, miss with whatever fictitious weapon you just drew. Dude's got an arsenal on his back. I grew my Kukri. Oh! Oh, brutal. Alright, 11 points of bludgeoning, and six points of cold. It's weird that you guys have a sixth level fighter in your party. It's not the bill, it's just that I keep rolling ones and twos for damage.

How many points of cold? Six. Six. It was cracked on a D20. I'm sorry, it was cracked on a 20. It was cracked on a 20. It broke my brain. But we have witnesses. I couldn't claim it wasn't cracked. Yeah, they're giving the thumbs up. Yeah. Thank you. Don't let them cheat. One fad on them. All right, Suki, will you do something here? Sure. Anything?

Just something. A little dance? Yeah, sure. Do I have line of sight? Whenever a player asks you that, you know they don't. No, because you've been going... I mean, look, I see at least three skin flaps. No, you don't.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Aldo, skin flap. Okay. Pepsi does, but he's dead. Pepsi's not dead. Can I move next to Atticus and Eris and see her diagonally? Do I have line of sight? Yes, right? All right.

Fine. I'll allow it. Seeing as Fortitude didn't seem so great for the sexy Darrow when Eris cast her spell, I am also going to cast a spell. Please make a Fortitude save. What kind of spell? You don't need to know. Oh, wait. Just kidding.

Don't make any... Put that die down. I'm gonna roll, because I picked this specifically so there was no save, I remember now. Make sure you roll that flat check. Fuck. Fell off the table. Just gonna roll again, flat check, that's fine.

Oh, baby. That's a 34. Is that a reg? Reg hit. It's a reg hit. Okay. So you take a 10 foot circumstance penalty for your speed for one round. And you can attempt to escape because what I've done is I flicked out my wrist and like a sticky vine slapped you on the hand

and you did you just cast a literal slap on the wrist yeah just so you players know you can do this to the GM anytime you want a little slap on the wrist you say I don't like what you did that last round and now you're gonna pay for it sticky vine this is called tangle foot it's a cantrip and you just fell into my I don't like what you did that last round. And now you're gonna pay for it. Sticky Vine. This is called Tanglefoot. It's a cantrip and you just fell into my trap. Oh no.

Oh man. I'm covered in sticky vines. Yeah, you're covered in sticky vines. And surrounded by skin flaps. I smell sex in the candlelit here. Is that the end of your turn? No. I moved.

I cast a jawn for two and then Pepsi is going to bite. And so it's effectively grabbed. So it's off guard? Yes. I would assume you gain the immobilized condition. So right? Is that what it is? Is it immobilized?

You know what? Joe, will you read over my shoulder and breathe down my neck for two seconds and just double check my math? There shouldn't be any math. All I see is it takes a ten foot circumstance bonus to its speed. And it can attempt to escape against your spell DC to remove the penalty. Did you cast the spell Tanglefoot? So it's just the speed penalty.

I was confused. You're not immobilized. It's just the speed penalty. It's a speed penalty. Speed penalty, okay. So immobilization is the ultimate speed penalty. Right. So I have to use the escape action if I want to remove the speed penalty but I'm

not off guard. Yes. I'm going to roll the flat check for Pepsi. That's a natural one. So I don't bite. You don't bite. Damn it. Damn it. Atticus? This is goddamn brutal. All right. Assuming I have line of sight. Who knows with these skin flaps. And he's making it up as he goes along. Oh, God. This is brutal. This flat check right now is brutal. But I'm going to do it. Atticus, he is, has to hit this thing. for an action by the way this is a remaster upgrade oh there's only so many upgrades you get but as a mentalist instead of an illusionist there is an upgrade that at first level you get for first level first rank spells you get sure strike Which you may know as True Strike.

That's a single action. He's going to cast that. Sure Strike. Then attempt another Telekinetic Projectile. Rolling twice and taking the better result. However, there is a flat check. Gah! Just need a five.

You got it. need a five. You got it. Just a five. Just don't roll a four, three, two, or one. It's St. Patrick's Day, let's go! Go, Rondo! Go, Rondo! My God. No bottle caps.

Flat check. All right, got the flat check! Yes! We're going Joe die. We're going Jeff die. Yeah! Roll twice, take the better you son of a bitch. Let's go! Fucking blunt force trauma to the doom!

Thirty-four to hit! Yeah! Hit! So good. Oh my god. I am so sorry. Sorry. I'm gonna fucking worry, but I had don't know where the fuck it went.

But I had it. He's gotta roll it online, it's too many. I had it up before and oh my god. Really good roll, that is 27 points... of bludgeoning damage. As these fleshy skins just... BATTER HER FACE! And just- just now!

She's dead. It was Jeff Stein. It was Jeff Stein. Came up huge! She sexily falls to the floor. That was really gratuitously sexily falling. Eris runs up to the lady and takes her arm. She is like cutting it off and when she done she like stuffs it into her cloak. Oh, okay Eris does that it's so it's less sexy now. I

Said that I'm still on fire Suki takes a Alright. Suki takes a disgusting skin and puts it onto Ethel and just... That should give us a bonus. It just rips a skin down and uses it like a fire blanket. Yeah, it just kind of pats. And so there's just a face like slapping on it.

And the fire goes out. Fail. Okay, I fail the flat, I fail the flat. I fail the flat. Check on that one. I get a natural 20. OK. Hey!

There we go. There we go. All right, so you took another three points. I took it. That 20ed your way out. Woo. Rough. I'm fighting the place of skin.

Is the guy still crying? Yep. He's like crying and fire's crackling on his body. Lightning is crackling on his body. He just seems to not be impervious to the pain, but undisturbed by it, even though it looks like he's hurt. And he continues to cry and just hold on and crumple these papers.

Ethel will go up to him and grab him by the lapels. Be like, who's up there? What's this anomalous friend we keep hearing about? All right, Suki will walk up and she'll say, Ethel, you have to be soft. You have to be gentle. And she takes his hands and she rips the papers out of his hands. Zoom! You rip the papers out of his hands.

And he just tears at his flesh and starts tearing so much so that he rips through his clothing and then starts ripping at his actual skin and pulling away elements of his skin. And you see straight through him there is nothing inside of him. Then he grabs a chunk of his flesh under his eye, starts pulling away at his face and you see there's no skeletal structure underneath, there's just air until he just fucking unravels and falls to the floor. Screaming the entire time. Roll a sanity check. For real.

For real. Oh, Delta Gish. Suki doesn't see that, because she turned away, and she doesn't care, and she doesn't hear him screaming, and she reads the papers. Um, you read the papers.

They're all sort of crumpled up, and you ripped half of them, and your violent attack on this young man. Pick up the other pieces. There seem to be scribbles about, you see over and over again, the word, mysterium. You're looking among the scrolls, and you see a sentence fragment

about the otherworldly protector of the library and the soul, capital S, within an iron puzzle box. You see another note that reads, after wood, after ward. Somehow you said it weird both times. I know. He crossed it out. Afterward. No. Afterward.

Afterward. Afterward. Cigarette. Afterward. Equip in Okino. Shut up and listen. It's important. Afterward what?

Afterward. Equip in Okino. Meet with biting lash. A ship has been arranged. Oh, shit. And in the margins of these papers, there are a number of pictures of angels. What the?

And then next to the angels, there's like a little, little bit of script in the marginalia that says, swivel heads in the right direction to delve deeper. And it shows like arrows around the angels' heads. I've seen this in Baldur's Gate 3. I know exactly what to do. Break them. And then at that moment, as the last scream dies out

from this hollow one, all of you hear this like. Clicker. Clicker. Fuck. You hear this clicking and buzzing in your heads and everything goes black and you just all are bombarded by these images of a fungus rapidly growing and then collapsing in on itself before growing anew. It just keeps growing, collapsing, collapsing, growing, collapsing, growing,

and then this voice, this voice that you've now heard ever since you went to the mad poet's oasis, you heard it again when you approached the infirmary. You heard it just a couple sessions ago after killing one of these things that voice comes back again and it says, it reaches its tendrils through the minds of those who veil of dreams. Hurry. The image of this fungus growing, collapsing on itself and then growing, fades out. And you're left in this silent place of skin. Flaps moving. of skin, flaps moving, faces staring at you, bodies on the floor and one ladder leading up to the attic. What do you do? Atticus will walk

around a bit, passing through the sheets of flesh ducking under them, he is small after all checking the floorboards in the corners of the room keeping a watchful eye if there's anything they missed in here and when he sees there's nothing else, he turns back toward the group right. No, no, no. There's no Coke, but there's plenty of Pepsi. Hey! Hey, you know what?

Bottle cap. That was really funny and insightful. It's not just quoting a movie. No, there's nothing else up here. I want to do a perception though on the bodies. I need some healing. A little perception on the Baudonis. I'm very badly burned.

I'm really busy. Hoes on. Priya gave me this die as a birthday gift. Thank you, Priya. And I got a, thank you, I got a 31. Sexy three armed girl is wearing plus one resilient studded leather. Resilient?

Yeah. That's pretty dope. Lot of leather fans in the Toronto audience. Woo! Lot of leather fans. There are no less than six stores outside where you can buy them. I know, I was gonna say.

That's evident from the retail establishments in this city. You can go to Wendy's and get a Frosty and then get some dildos. Toronto. She has a short sword, whatever, and some bombs that only Aldo would notice. Aldo, you see she has these infused things and you would know that they're only going to last for 24 hours. You find four infused greater acid blasts. Oh, fuck yeah. I'll take those. Yup. Yup. You find two greater bottled lightnings.

Oh, yes. Again, use it or lose it because these will be gone in 24 hours. And three, count them, three infused moderate elixirs of life. Oh, wow. Those will restore 5d6 plus 12 hit points and give you a little bonus against poison. Huh? No, what?

I'm putting on the armor. You gotta write that down. You're putting on the armor? Yeah. The druid dons the armor. It's studded leather. I'm wearing hide right now. It's better than my armor. But no. I don't put it on. I take it with me. I take it with me. What if you want me to write down?

Matthew doesn't believe druids should wear leather. What? It's anathema to their veganism. We're not vegans! Does Ethel say this to Suki? Ethel, she's not vegan. Ethel doesn't have this opinion. Oh, it's just Matthew. Ethel, the voice in your head.

She's not vegan. I don't know, it seems like they should be vegan. Alright, so... What do you dummies do? Can we heal me before we go up to this room? There's no time. What do you dummies do? Can we heal me before we go up to this room? There's no time. We will take the time to treat wounds on Athlon.

Yes, I can. It's done. He's at full. Oh, yeah. You can do that? Yeah, it just takes time, but not even that much time. Every ten minutes I can do it again. All right, so what do you guys want to do?

We'll do it off air. We want to go up the ladder. Immediately. Jesus. I mean, I would love for you to go up the ladder, but it's getting kind of late, guys. Oh! I know that Toronto is a city of no fun with an early curfew. Oh!

Wait, wait! Stop making them do us. Are you saying you want us to go long? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, we're going long. Yeah. We're going long. We're going long.

So good you're alive. Because we're going long. We're going long. We're going long. So good you're alive. We're going long, we're going long, we're going long So get your lungs, we're going long It is fitting that that is by far the longest song that Nick Lowe has made for us It does take up a lot of time, so we got a couple minutes left No, there is a ladder going up to an attic.

What you gonna do? We must finally close this chapter. This anomalous friend. Whatever it is, we must discover its secrets. I don't think they're gonna be our friend. No. I just wanna make sure everyone's on the same page. Certainly not.

Okay, good. But everything fears it. Perhaps this will be the end of us. The end of our journey. I'm meaning to talk to you about that. Oh, payment. Yeah. Are you talking about billing and invoicing?

No, I was just hoping you'd give me more money. Because I kept my mouth shut when we did all the freaky shit in the Dreamlands. But, uh... Ethel, I'm proud of you. Your leverage has never been stronger than this moment. For of course we need you to lead the way up the ladder. Literally never been stronger than right now. And you've chosen a particularly cruel time to negotiate for a better wage.

But you shall have it. I think I speak for Aldo and myself when I say you will have a raise. Really? Yes. In fact, here's an advance in your next payment and I hand him one of the infused greater elixirs of life. Yes. In fact, here's an advance in your next payment, and I hand him one of the infused greater elixirs of life. Yes. Oh. Yeah, as a token of good faith. However, there is one stipulation to this new contract.

Sure. Don't fraternize with the help. Unfortunately... We're very strict policy against any sort of relationships occurring within the company. Suki is currently giving Atticus a back massage and nodding. Eris isn't listening. She's just looking at the thing you just got going you get paid He gets paid He is after all a filthy mercenary

Merchant of death is what my ex-wife's hold on hold on hold on Eris you bring up a great point. I don't believe you or I are getting paid. I know. And if you have a strict HR policy then I do believe we have quite the problem. Wait what else did you say? What is the HR problem? Do you have perhaps some sort of glass ceiling at your company? Yikes. Careful now, Atticus. Hold on. She pulls out a little. Something doesn't add up. I slam my laptop shut. Wait, Zuki has a laptop. And Pepsi deserves a raise too.

Now let's go up the ladder. Look I think, Eris, I believe we've come to a certain understanding. Oh, because she killed your friend? She killed our friend. I believe we've come to a certain understanding. Oh, because she killed your friend? She killed our friend. I forgot about that. I did not kill her. Well, all evidence to the contrary, I'm afraid. So what if I did?

No, I don't mind. I actually didn't like him at all. Do you know, the last that I saw of him before you so ominously offed him, as we say in the underworld, he filled me with syringes of some black fluid, some dark twisted chemistry of which I do not yet understand. Why did he do that? Because he was fucked up. He had a lot of issues to work through from his past. I get it.

I totally get it. I mean I didn't speak to him directly about it, but over several dreams. There was a great deal of screaming about forced torture that he experienced and I of course I Just feel as if it worked out nicely now if we enter money into this it gets very ugly Well he was my best friend. There was his only name for a while. So I think that that the recompensation for killing my best friend should be considered part of the compensation package for you.

So whereas you get paid in cash, you get paid in recompense, a debt paid to me for killing my best friend. And what do I get paid? Also let us make no mistake, it is not as if if we go up these stairs and there is some giant treasure filled with gold for all of us to share that we take all of it you get your equal share Ethel is paid out of Aldo and I's share so would you like to also chip in for Ethel would you just like to take the same share? I think I pay a little bit for him I think I'm sorry what did you say the monitors aren't very good I think I I'm sorry, what did you say? The monitors aren't very good. I think I pay

a little bit for him. Maybe you don't see it. I'm going to go up the stairs. I'm going to follow right after you in case there's another hot lady up there. I pick up Pepsi and I follow as well. I'm glad we could have this conversation now. I feel like we got a lot done. As you go up she's like, good for you babe, you really got the race. Thanks. You tell him babe. Good for you babe. You guys have seen Defending Your Life? Talk about it later. Talk about it later. All right, I get to the top of this ladder. Your role play, who's gonna get the gold? And perhaps Eris and Ethel will open

a joint checking account. Aw! And then you head up this ladder, you see another trap door. Who goes first? Ethel. Ethel. You said that really fast, Sidney. Yeah, I heard it.

Okay. Did this come as a surprise to you or? No. All right, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna reveal the room and then we're gonna talk about it like adults. Oh no. Oh no.

Because that's what we are. Here's the room. If you look directly to the right, you will see another room. It is smaller. Oh. Oh God. Oh no. Let me just grab it.

The enamel spread is just a tangle of grass. Oh, excellent. Oh, I'm going to go ahead and grab it. I'm going to grab it. I'm going to grab it. I'm going to grab it. I'm going to grab it. I'm going to grab it. Oh God, oh no. Let me just grab Ethel and put her right there. The anomalous spread is just a tangle of grass. Excellent, let's go. I can, awesome, that's like sort of my shit. All right, you go first.

Ethel, you climb the ladder and as you, like you have to kind of push this trap door open against something that's growing over it. And you and you kind of push through and as you do you hear this like crack crack crack crack crack of little vines Ivy and vines fill this entire room endless trailing vines flowing in through broken windows All over the floor covering the floor and the walls and the ceiling like a living carpet. You open up this door and this sickening scent of decay

hides within this scent of fresh vegetation. And you also immediately see the skeletal remains of several humanoids lying about the room. You look up, blanket of vines so thick. Is the ceiling 10 feet high, 20 feet high? You cannot tell. Light barely streaming in through the stained glass windows that are broken with vines snaking up the walls and out through the glass.

Everything is covered in this carpet of vines and tendrils that are all twisted and malformed. And you see these putrid yellow berries sprouting like cancerous growths between leaves. Yet through all of this this you see another little ladder leading up to a tiny tiny little alcove. It's not even another floor. It's like an upper portion of this attic.

A loft. Where you see a big fucking chest. What do you do? Do I, with that natural 20, do I see anything that resembles a creature? You look up. Or hear anything that resembles somebody invisible? You look up. What's your total?

38. 38? That's a really good question. Your eyes greedily look towards this treasure chest like the pig that you are. Like the pig that you are. Capitalist pig. And you look just past that little alcove up to the ceiling, the ceiling of finds. Are they moving? No.

No, they're not. Oh. But something else is and you see what it first just looks like the ceiling or this moving carpet of awfulness a creature milling about amongst these vines. The creature is almost, like has sort of,

not only taken over the ceiling, but has become the ceiling. It is an enormous mass of tentacles and mouths. And it looks like that. Whoa! Oh my God! No. Oh my god. Oh no. What the? What the? And it's a dinosaur foot. All of the mouths open up and scream. And we will see you in in Kansas City. We love you Canada! Thank you!

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