The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 96 – Boston Slow

Episode Date: October 5, 2024

The body of Elder Lythiin has been found, but more trouble awaits the heroes in the illusory labyrinthine halls of the Mysterium's third level. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/7xYVHDxTUI4 Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Connect with a credentialed therapist by phone, video, or online chat. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more. That's betterH-E-L-P dot com. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premiere source for role-playing game entertainment. Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! Boston go! How we doin' Boston? Wow. It has been a minute too long. Yes, it's been a hot minutes as we played this dumb game and Hot minutes as we've been back at the paradise

You know We love this place we joke about it all the time even though New York is our actual home the paradise rock club is the official home venue of the Glass Can of Hell. Hell yeah! Woohoo! Cool! And of course it's the home of your old buddy Troy Lavallee. That's me. Yeah! If you're new here, that's me. I'm Troy. Thanks for coming.

It's also the home of the world champion Boston Celtics. It's the city of champions. It's the city of champions that I've returned. I had one of the best days in recent memory. I don't even know if this is going to be funny because I just want to tell the story of my day. Because I had such an awesome fucking day today. For starters, I didn't have to hang out with any of them.

It was our best day ever, too. Yeah. You're screwed. So Aaron. It sounds like you're joking, but I know you're not. So the bar was already set pretty high, but I got up early, I hopped in my car, and I drove through the streets of Boston till I hit Com Ave and took it all the way down to the last T stop to visit Boston College, my alma mater.

I graduated from BC 25 fucking years ago next year. 25! So old! Years ago! And I haven't been back on campus in like at least a decade. I took my wife there once when we first started dating, but that was over ten years ago. So I hadn't been back. And now anybody that's listened to this show for a long time, they know that I'm pretty obsessed with Christmas. We are 47 days away from the first day of celebrating Christmas on November 1st of course.

For anyone who counts for anything in this world, you'll begin celebrating on November 1st. And I think one of the reasons I'm so obsessed with Christmas is I am just, I love the feeling of nostalgia. We've talked about this before. I just, I love, it's my favorite fucking feeling in the world. I love nostalgia, because it's like,

it's like jumping in a time machine. Your emotions go into a time machine. You get taken back, a smell, a sight, something. And so I walked around campus for like four hours just candy coating myself. In nostalgia, and it was, it was like a very emotional cathartic beautiful experience and that's how I spent my morning and I I didn't want to do the show I just wanted to keep feeling that but I'm contractually obligated to be

here so I it's I'm actually shocked I didn't get arrested because I'm just walking around nude, wiping stuff all over your body. Oh, the feeling of nostalgia dripping over me. We got a report of a middle-aged man rubbing candy all over himself on campus. And he said, I'm being nostalgic. I used to do this when I was 20. I went over, I was just waiting for them because it's a bunch of like 18 to 21 year olds

in this fucking creep walking around. And I wanted to go up to like the freshman dorms and see the dorms and what not. So I'm walking. Don't do that. Can I wander around in your freshman dorms? Where are the 18 year olds? I had the best day of my life.

I walked around the freshman dorms and... I'm sorry, I'm lost. Can I get directions on where to get rid of this boner? We like dance around it, little innuendo here and there, and then you're just like, dick. Penis. As he does. around it, little innuendo here and there, and then you're just like, dick! Penis. As he does. Can I smell your laundry bag?

So much nostalgia. So anyways, I'm getting nostalgia everywhere, I'm sorry. I unlocked a lot of fun memories walking around the freshman campus. I had a lot of memories there, all four years of the freshman, and then even after college. But that's a story for another time of my escapades on the freshman campus. But it was just wonderful to be there. They changed the Dunkies into a sushi place, which was weird. But beyond that, it was just, I don't know, it just felt, I felt like I was having an acid trip.

Like I'd see a patch of grass and be like, it would like this guy gets it, he loves grass. There's an acid guy. Big grass fan on the left. Calm down, madam. I'd see a patch of grass and like unlock memories of sitting there doing something. And so it was just this very wonderful experience.

And then I went back to the theater where I spent the majority of my time at Boston College. And I mean, talk about unlocking memories. The main stage was locked, but I was able to sneak into the black box theater and it was pitch black except for the ghost light. It's like a theater tradition. You leave a single light on to the fucking ghost, whatever anyways

So I like just stood there in the silence like Listening of the to the echoes of like shows that I did 25 fucking years ago I'm just like having this moment fans just screaming I could feel them But it was emotional. I was getting emotional just walking around. And then I do all that. And then I get to come right up the block

and do this tonight with my friends. And we get to spend a couple hours together and try and make the world a better place, at least for the next two and a half hours. And I just feel like the luckiest person in the world. I really do I just I try to practice gratitude every day and I guess what I'm trying to say is I just feel extremely grateful right now To be able to do this That's how I feel

Let's want to say that. Anyways, what did you fucking losers do today? We went to the lunch reservation you made and then never told us you weren't coming to. Yeah. He was too busy rubbing nostalgia on him. I'm sorry. I was using a freshman bathroom. We actually had a fantastic lunch at what's it called? Catch of the day? Daily catch. The weather was so beautiful that when you're in the sun, it feels

like summer. When you're in the shade, it feels like fall. Breeze blowing through. Just delicious food. I love sitting on like a like at a dockside seaport. Did I get you an outdoor reservation? Yeah. That was nice. It was really nice. Thanks for doing that. I like to practice gratitude every day.

I just want to thank you Troy for getting us that outdoor reservation. I thought you of all people would enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. Kate, what else happened at lunch? Listen, I heard you got into a fight with a townie. Very close.

Very close. We ate good food. We mingled and rubbed elbows with the locals. Yeah, the locals. Kate got really close to a local. And then it insulted them. You sound like I banged someone. What?

You're making it sound like I banged the waiter. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Far worse. Walk us through what happened, because I heard the waiter. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Far worse. You were flirting. Walk us through what happened, because I heard the story. It's pretty good. So a server comes to the table

and it becomes immediately evident that this guy is like a Dorchester criminal. Like, fuck. He's like on parole. He's like work release at this restaurant. Dorchester's greatest. He's on work release. Matthew ordered broccoli, a side of broccoli,

and then Matthew was like, how is that broccoli prepared? And of broccoli, and Matthew was like, how is that broccoli prepared? And he goes, in Gaelic! And it's sautéed in Gaelic. And it was so thick and so intensely Boston. And Kate just goes to the table, not looking at him, in Gaelic. And he's like, who goes along with my Boston accent. Kate almost started a fight. It was an inside brain thing that came out. But she was doing that all day. I've been doing it all day, all through the VIP meet and greet,

just saying the most ridiculous thing to you guys. So sorry. It's going to be a great show. She had temporarily furloughed her internal sensor, for some reason, for the whole day. And then the guy, he brought out bread for us because we asked for it and he put it down, or no, he was coming out to ask if he wanted bread. And Joe was like, oh yeah, yeah, we want bread, we want bread.

All the bread. And I just look at him and I go, bread boy. And Joe said, that is so mean. That is so mean. So I think the waiter understood at that point, he's like, oh, she's dumb. Oh, she just said, that is so mean. Rudy is so mean. So I think the waiter understood at that point. He's like, oh, she's dumb. Oh, she just said whatever the fuck. The waiter was very nice and the restaurant was very nice.

Please don't hurt us after the show. Please don't beat us up. We're just nerds. Just because he can't vote doesn't mean he's not a great waiter. Oh. Come on, man. Dorchester's cool now. That's really rude.

We had our VIP meet and greet before the show and someone comes up to me and it's a guy I went to high school with. Where's Matt Schaup? Where are you, son of a? He hands me his yearbook to sign with pictures of me from 1994. And Rob. And Rob.

And Rob Kurkovich. I took a picture of the picture of a youthful Rob. Blackmail. A youthful Troy in French Club. Yep. Yes. Blackmail.ful Troy in French Club. Yes. Blackmail. We were in French Club. He was like, here you are in the Comedy Improv Club.

I'm like, I have no memory of that club. It's like I drank away the memory of the Comedy Improv Club. Anyways, this is wonderful. It's always great coming here, sold out tonight. Oh, I went to the USS Constitution today. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was great.

Have you ever been before? No, no, I never been. Oh, yeah? Well, Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was great. Have you ever been before? No, no, I never been. Oh, yeah? Well, what did you learn? I learned that people were much shorter back then. Yeah, I hit my head multiple times below decks, and I was just, I got to get out of here.

I would not have survived an encounter with the HMS Carrier. What about you, Joe? Did you visit any chips? No, no, I just, when you left the hotel room early to drive to BC, I was like, I'm gonna stay in here all day by myself, and it was great. I edited Legacy of the Ancients.

Ah! Woo! Perhaps you've heard of it. Wow. Yeah, and listened to our Indianapolis show, where then I got to lunch, and I sat down, and I said, Sydney, I think I owe you an apology. In re-listening to the Indianapolis show,

I was excessively mean to you that entire show. For some reason. Well, we're in a comedy club, and everybody was eating it up, they kept laughing, so I kept being like, you're so stupid, right? So listening back was very cringe. Thank you, thank you, because I told Joe specifically, I didn't give a shit, but then as soon as he apologized,

I was like, you have to say sorry on stage in front of everyone. Public apology. I believe I said you have to write a poem that rhymes, but I'll let this slide. This was supposed to be delivered in haiku form. Yeah, didn't happen. Yes and?

You're 20 minutes away from shitting on her for not being able to add, so I don't know what you're doing. Yeah. Wait till my first roll. Oh hey, I will say this. We always shit on Sydney and I always particularly shit on Sydney for her forgetfulness, particularly when she forgets something so essential to bring to her show, like dice, and I left New Jersey with no dice.

For the first time ever, I do not have my dice at a show. Luckily, I was gifted some. Maybe you would have remembered if they were made out of bread. Nice. Maybe you would have remembered if they were made out of bread. Nice! I got to backstab you! Get rekt! Oh my god.

And so I was gifted some gorgeous dice that I'll be using tonight from Boston's own, so that's great. But I also stopped in a place called Newbury Comics. I'm shocked you've never been to Newbury Comics. I've never been and I was very excited. I didn't even know. I walked past it. I was like, holy shit, I've heard of this place. And I bought a set of awesome dice. So I'll be using that. So thank you, Newbury Comics. That store fucking rules. Yeah, man. It's a big dealer. It's legit. It's legit. I don't know if you've heard of this place. I don't know. It just always amazes me how you discover trends 40 years after the other.

You guys heard of this ivory soap? 99 and 44, 100% pure. How can they get that pure? Folks, we are back to play some Strange ions. We play the show once a month We haven't played in like eight fucking weeks is what it feels like. Nobody remembers anything So let me do a recap This episode is brought to you by Nespresso

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to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Yeah. Joe, take it to the cat. I want some good Boston recap music. Do we own the rights to Aerosmith? Skid, give us a little good Boston recap music. Or just hum, living on the edge.

We're living on the wedge. But like if you were in an elevator. Woo! Oh my god, I'm getting fired up. You better stop it. I'll flip this table over. God, I hear that shit and I just wanna break something.

I'm gonna break a book. It's very good, it's a little front door. It's very front door. It's a little front door. That's all I have. I know. I wanted like a living on the edge musack elevator music. That would be great.

How about sci-fi battle music? Perfect. Here's the recap of our adventure thus far. Book one. Bunch of people wake up in an asylum. They were put there by a man named Count Hazerton Liles, the fourth, a man named Count Hazerton Liles IV, a man they used to work for,

who sacrificed their memories in exchange for access to one of the patients at the asylum, a patient who had become a living conduit between planes, between the material plane and the plane of dreams. The asylum itself that they woke up into was caught between those two planes. The heroes find the patient, kill the dream world spirit infesting him,

and return the asylum to the material plane. Book two. The heroes travel to the nearby town of Casimir in search of the Count. They discover that he left town, and the person he left in charge started a cult that kidnapped and sacrificed people to try and open up a portal for Haster to enter the world.

Cults love portals. They do. They're always trying to open portals. They also love... What's with all the portals? What's the deal with cults killing people to open portals? They're always doing portal shit. Meanwhile, they learned that the Count had been researching some very taboo subjects and was traveling far south in search of uncovering more of this dark knowledge. Book three. The heroes board a boat for the long journey south in search of the Count. While on the boat they read the Count's journals and

apparently the Count had been experimenting with projecting his consciousness into the Dreamlands to gain an audience with someone known as the Mad Poet. So the heroes follow in the Count's footsteps and meet the Mad Poet as well. As they enter this dream oasis, they instantly relive a moment where the Count brought them there long ago and drowned them in the Mad Poet's Lake, which is what erased their memories and put them in a fugue state. Well, when they get there, their memories come flooding back, and the Mad Poet informs them that Count Lyle's has been infected

by a great old one named Xamandor, who has instructed the Count to found a book called the Necronomicon, which will lead to a lost city called Nerusivan, where there are pillars that can be activated to bring Jamin D'or into the world to destroy it. More gods, more portals. Book four. Three and one. The heroes travel to Kadira in search of an occult library called the Mysterium where the Count went to get this Necronomicon. Apparently the Count The Count entered and never left, and his mere presence, infected as he is with this alien God, has warped the Library's defenses, waking up old ghosts, bastardizing the haunts that lie within.

So the heroes have now traveled to the third level of the Library in search of the Count, in search of the soul of the Mysterium. And also looking for the leader of the library's protectors, a man named Elder Lethene who went in after Lowles and who is to be returned to the library guardians dead or alive. Last month in Indianapolis, after dispatching yet another horror from beyond, the heroes find the body of Elder Luthien. In order to pass on to the next level of the Mysterium, they must find four angel statues on this floor, turn their heads, and that will open up a gate that will allow them to descend further. But this level, unlike the other levels that they've been on thus far, is bathed

in fog and illusion magic. And our heroes don't know where they are or where they're going. Cue the fog. I don't see any. Yeah, you in the mood yet? Yeah, it's coming. Can you feel it? Yeah, just keep it running the whole time. Special effects. I can already see the beams of the lights. Yes. I don't even know where I am.

We gotta turn this into a laser show. Are you ready for this immersive experience? Next thing you know, your seats are vibrating. You're like, whoa, what the? We just throw splatters of blood into the front row. You hit splat. Went to Glass Cannon Live last night. I felt like I was at the library with the characters.

This is what they'll write in their blog tomorrow. This blog is cool. I can't tell if you're typing or fighting with someone. No, hey. Guar is going to be here next month. This is way more immersive than the Gwar show is going to be. Yes. Fuck Gwar. Bold statement.

What do you want to do? I don't want to talk anymore. That's it. Good night, everybody. What do you want to do? I don't want to talk anymore. Oh, is that it? That's it. Goodnight everybody. So, alright, so we just defeated this creature. Well, Father Bubbles did. Well, okay. This is the thing, this is what's so funny,

Matthew, we're watching the video in the hotel today, and because the previous round, the previous action, Joe had like thrown the magic missile. Level five. And you, yeah, and you did, you did five points of damage. Seven. Seven points of damage. Seven.

Almost, almost minimum damage. Minimum is six. Yeah. And then Father Bubbles came in and did one point of damage with the Holy Lance and killed it. So it was just like, so Joe only had to do eight points of damage and it would have been his moment of glory. He could have rolled terribly, truly terribly. And still killed it.

I am an 11th level wizard. Father Dick Bubbles is a level zero cleric. Let's go to the map. Woo! zero clerk let's go to the map lot of last night downloading world data downloading world data loading world this proto shagoth this like combination of shagoths you fought these shogoths on the previous level now they've like merged into this mega one, thankfully with the aid of Father Dick Bubbles.

Oh, there he is. There's the hero of the hour. You can't just pop him up on the screen like that. My eyes. You defeat this creature. I'll show you a holy lance. For some reason I walked out on stage and found this container of bubbles sitting at my station.

Yeah. What's going on over here? Time to blow. Wait. Yeah, we didn't get any. I didn't get any bubbles. Do we have to share? I see some bubbles over there.

Do we have to share? Yeah, we're gonna fog and, they have fog and bubbles. Don't I Feel like you're one of my kids don't pull bubbles in here do it gonna get it on my don't get it on my computer Do it I gotta save it for like an at 20 or something. Well, hold on to that. This show has it all I'm forever blowing bubbles. I gotta save it for like a Nat 20 or something. Well, hold on to that.

This show has it all. Did you hear? They added bubble effects. I was play fighting with, I don't know. I'm going to type it. I just like it being, did you hear? Sydney was blowing bubbles. Just leave it at that. Just leave it at that.

Just leave it at that. I chose my words carefully to avoid that exact sentence. Last time I missed a Boston show. All right, what do you do? Well, we also found the body that Father Bubbles identified as Elder Luthien. Yes, the body of Elder Luthien. You were tasked by the current de facto leader

of these guardians of the library. Whatever you do, find Elder Luthien and bring him back dead or alive. You have to bring his body. Now obviously now you still have more to explore. You probably don't want to drag this body around, but Father Bubbles is... Well do we have a bag of holding? Does anyone have one? I don't think so. You know what? No.

Sure. We should. I feel like you guys do. Someone should have one. You know what, we really should, so. We do, yeah. So, whoever has it, we put them in there. You don't have a bag of holding.

Does Father Dick Bubbles have one? Let me check. No, I'm sackless. Um, yeah Atticus will say, well, well done Father Bubbles. You saved us. Very impressive. This is Lethene, you're sure. You are certain. Beyond any doubt. Is his face blown off or anything? Is he intact enough? He looks like his body has been trampled by these things. He's in bad shape. He's definitely dead. And there's no other of his retinue in this room. He was solo in this room when he died. He soloed this.

We should search his body just to be sure. Atticus would like to search the body. OK, so you search the deceased body of Elder Lithene, and sure enough, you do find some treasure. As you start sort of looking through the folds in his clothes, you see that his body has been pretty mangled by these things. But he has magical chain mail. He has a magical ring.

Two, one, two, three magical rings. Whoa. Whoa. He had a good loadout. A magical chime. A chime? A chime of opening? A chime? Let's ring it and see what happens. No, no, stop. And a magic potion. Atticus immediately grabs the chime and he'll attempt to identify it. I think I know what this may be Arcana. Yes, I do Arcana that is a

32 it sure enough is a chime of opening job. Yeah One of the rings, please. All right, do all of them cuz it's a two and a half hour show one ring Oh 36 okay, that's enough nice Nice. Because I don't care. I could have rolled a two, I tell ya. By the way, this goes back well pre-Glass Cannon podcast. Whenever it came to like, Identify Magic, I was like, who gives a shit?

Right, just you identify it. You're 11th level, you're no magic. It is a, there's three rings. A messenger's ring, a ring of acid resistance, I said that weird. Wow. No, you said that in drunk. A ring of acid resistance.

It's a ring of acid resistance. And a ring of sustenance. Oh, that is actually like, in game terms, it's not that useful, but in real life, it'd be one of the most valuable magical items in the world. It's like an ozempic ring. Yeah.

Ring of ozempic. Aerith sees the acid resistance ring and wants that because she's traumatized from that doorbell that one time. Father Dix says, wait, I gave Elder Lothine that ring as a gift. He was going through some hard times struggling with his faith and I gave him a ring. Well, he's dead now, so... I don't feel comfortable with you assuming you can keep these things, but I'm sure Elder Lathine would want you to at least use them to root out, no, use him, leave him alone. Use them to root

out this evil that has infested the Mysterium. However, he should be buried with these, if Elder Thea so chooses. Right. Suki is saying as she's pulling his dead corpse off of the chainmail, he drops to the ground, of course. So we'll just keep the stuff warm for now. Yes. What's this chainmail? That there is plus one resilient chainmail. Oh. Ooh. I'd like to, are there any Australians here

to know by the way? Come on, skid. I'm gonna kill Aldo so you can kill this bit. I'd like a shot at that chainmail. I wear chainmail myself and it's mundane and I'd like to spiff up my appearance a bit with some fancy a chain mail. I feel like you're Australian dipped a little into Jimmy Stewart there. Look if Jimmy Stewart was an Australian. Australian

accent. Skid nailed it. Yeah. Excuse could I also I don't know why I'm doing the rolling character I want to roll on the chainmail too. Roll on? Guys, you're so hungry to roll on things. Who needs the chainmail? I need it. Why don't we roll up and then we'll start a bet. Aldo has never asked for anything.

Can't one character be nice to another character ever? No! You ready? 12. 12. Cut the chainmail in half. You ready? 12. 12! Cut the chainmail in half! Yes, we will give away the chainmail as a door prize to the audience.

Roll again. It is the only fair solution. 17! 17! I feel like if we roll again, something is gonna happen so you know what do it have it do it it's like saying bloody Mary in the mirror. Yeah, do it again. Red rum, red rum, red rum. The bad play name while on the stage. 19. Do you want to try? Yeah. Do it. Fuck. Beat 19 Sydney. 13 have it. Take it. Well played. Well played. Thank you.

Resilient. You get a plus one item bonus to saving throws. In addition to the AC boost. Fuck I want that. To the AC boost. The potion is a greater potion of flying. Oh. Ooh. Juice. You want to fly?

Ethel. Oh, yeah. Please, give it to Ethel. Father Dick, people don't enjoy our interactions. Yes. Who have you been talking to since we've been in here? What do you father do? Yes, I've heard something to that effect.

They dislike our interactions almost as much as they dislike when I run around the room. Yes. Please, let's make this quick and not sexual. Well, to that end, I thought maybe perhaps you'd like to return Elder Lethean's body to Elder Thea, or at least to the protected area up on the first level. By myself.

Well, you'd have Elder Lethean with you as well. And you did kill that last creature. That blow was quite amazing. Palpable. Yes, it was a palpable devastating blow. Perhaps you've leveled up or something. You're so strong, you should go. Take his body alone.

I mean, with Elder Lothine, obviously. Yes, I do focus mainly on the glory muscles, but I do feel strong. Perhaps I could cart Elder Lathine's body upstairs, but remember the warden said we could not leave. We cannot leave, Ethel. Until the bell has been rung. But you could bring his body to the sanctum. Right, the mine sanctuary. Where it would be protected. Right, so just walk through this crazy fog alone.

No, we should all go. At the case. I don't mind. I'm just trying to give the people what they want. Yes. Who are the people? I think you should take the body. These people, you never give anyone else what they want. I have an idea. Ethel and Eris, you take the body and come back with new characters.

Then everyone will be happy. Is that what the people want? Is that what the people want? Well, I don't care what you want. Wait, they didn't want that. There you go. Okay, fine. Fine. Perhaps, Father Dick Bubbles, you don't have to go alone.

Please call me Dick. No. God. But we need to make a decision now. Are we going to stay together and explore this new floor? Or should we take the body back up together? Somewhere where it's safe Remind me the not only was the mist it was the miss and the illusions that were shrouding this area

So if we felt like as we were walking through like we were turner Corner and it would feel like we had stepped into a totally new space, right? It was yeah, you were like always turned around. You couldn't tell north, south from east or west. There were some illusions going on. Even to find the doorway into that room where you ended up confused by a hazard that almost killed Suki, you didn't see that door until I think Atticus rolled a perception check to disbelieve the illusion.

So this whole floor, unlike the previous floors, there's some other protections going on here that may have been further altered by Lau's presence. So at the very least, we should just have Father Dick bear the body with us. That way we don't have to find it again. Can Suki do a perception or perhaps like an arcana check in the room we are in with the books everywhere, could this possibly have been where the Necronomicon was?

Or like, would I have any read on why Father Luthien would be in this room? Elder Luthien went in after Laos and Mon and Laos people. And you know that the Necronomicon is held within the soul of the library, along with all these other tomes that are locked away because of the dangers they possess. So not this shit all over the floor. So Lathine was coming down here and he ran a file of this thing, which looks like it killed him. Yeah, Suki says these books are worthless in here and she rips them all up. Don't say that!

What? Suki, what are you doing? I just think they're not important You can't interact with them on the map, so it's probably not that important Stop ripping the books. Sorry. I'm just angry We have 33 hit points left, and I've got really fucked up in that last fight All right, we should do some healing. I'm a little hurt too. Yes, let me help. You all get one point of healing.

Okay. Oh, great. I'm exhausted. I need to sit down. Take care of yourselves. Who actually does need? I'm actually not that bad, but who needs healing? Aeris is good.

Atticus is good. Just Athel. Yeah, I need 42. Oh, that's light work. Let me just look at my treatments. That is simply 10 minutes. What? Um, no, I feel as if we have to push ahead.

We will take his body with us as you suggest, Ethel. That's an excellent suggestion, for we could lose it in the mists. This way back may vanish from our eyes. I will hold him. Thank you. Let us move forward as soon as Suki is done. Hold on, hold on, hold on to 34,

and then I'll do it again, and then you'll be back up. But we will take the time to do the tree winds. All right, thank you. There is a hallway you came into here, time to do the tree winds. All right. Thank you. There is a hallway you came into here, a long, thin hallway, 10 feet wide, about 60 feet long. You walk back that way. Yeah, we're going to go back out the west.

Father Dick is... Why am I in front? Ethel, get your ass up here. All right, now slow down, you dummy. He comes to a skinning halt. I don't remember this place. I have no memory of this place. We were here so long ago, it feels. Which way? to the south perhaps yes I just go south so are we led to there will be angel statues on this floor right yes there should be four angel statues somewhere on this floor sorry can we return to the chime? Oh. I'm excited to get the chime.

The chime of opening. Yeah. We did gloss over that chime of opening. Yeah. But I thought, were we given a chime? Like when we went in? I thought there was like something. What are we supposed to ring?

To signal that we were done? Yeah. It was a bell, wasn't it? it was a bell yeah let me look let me alright so I'm not mixing up a I thought there was something with we won't be out charges till the bell different can't hold yeah we won't be out till the bell toll yeah you need to reset the defenses of this place and when that happens the bell okay top of the tower will ring yeah they know they can let you out. So it has nothing to do with a chime. In terms of the chime of opening, I believe this goes back to like older D&D.

Oh yeah. I remember like chime of opening when I was a kid. This hollow mithril tube is about a foot long and bears engravings reminiscent of open locks and broken chains. This chime can be activated 10 times before it cracks and becomes useless. Activate, one action, interact, effect. You aim the chime at a container door or a lock

that you want to open, strike the chime, vibrations come out, attempt a thievery, a check against the locks DC with a thievery bone of plus 13. Damn. And maybe you open the door you could do that 10 times huh it's like having a thief in your party yes very cool acrobat sorry the fact that you've had to pass during the D&D cartoon is that the D cartoon yeah so we're not robots the barbarian we're in this like area where there's a D&D cartoon, yeah. So we're looking- Acrobat? Barbarian. We're in this like area where there's a hallway to the east and something to the south, but

like the shadow is just cutting off right there. Is that a diagonal wall? Like what's happening? Give me a perception check, Eris. Okay. Let me just give me- A check of the perception. You know what?

While she's doing that, Atticus is going to lean over to Aldair, and he's going to pull out the chime of opening. He's going to say, you should take this, my friend. I should. Point it at any lock you need opened in a hurry, and it will magically open it for you. Oh. Should we be separated, and you need to get through something, I feel you should have it.

Yes, I think so. I think this is wise, given my new arraignment, my magical chainmail, I'll never be hurt, so. That's not what that does. I'll be the last person standing. So yes, I shall carry anyone that is invaluable. It's like, hand them over to me. Want to keep them safe? Have any loved ones next of kin

you want them to be delivered to, give them to me. For I shall be the last one alive among our crew. Guys, I see something weird. What? What do you see, Iris? She rolls a 36. 36, you do see something weird. As you're looking off to what you think is the east,

at first it seems like the hallway ends five, 10 feet in front of you, but then suddenly you see through the fog and it continues forward. And at the end of this long hallway you see the first of four angel statues. Oh Atticus, Aldo, look I found it the first angel. Good job Eris says Father Dick.

I'm going to go turn its head. Wait, wait, wait. Let's go carefully. I'm gonna go turn its head Wait, wait, wait Let's go carefully I'm just going to perceive along the way any traps that may be set in front of this angel as we walk On the floor the ceiling, etc Garbage roll I Will also receive 23 garbage roll. I will also proceed. 23. Uh, Natti

17. There you go. For a...oh 45. Ooh! That's a lot. Wow. Here's a fun bit. 35. Here's a fun bit I can't believe we've never done. You set off a harpoon trap. There we go.

Oh! A little harpoon. That's harpoon beer. Little harpoon IPA. We should call them and be like, can we make a logo that just says chicken poon but looks like this? Chicken poon. They'd be like, please stop calling us. I wasn't listening to your rolls. 35. 35 is the highest. Oh my god, no traps anywhere. All right. All right.

I'll go up to the angel and turn its head. Somebody smoking in there? That would be the fog. All right, so you go to this angel. And again, these angels, they've gotten progressively weirder looking. You know what I mean? You ever been to an old church in Europe?

Some of those angels are creepy. And these ones all look like they're in ecstasy. It's not a sexual ecstasy, but it's a very strange ecstasy. It almost looks like they're in pain. And you take the head of this angel that's like... And you fucking exorcist turn it around to face the wall behind it One of four nice nice Atticus give me a perception check perception coming in hot yeah, all right

Perception coming in hot. Yeah. All right. 27. 27 you look ahead to what would be the south of this map and you feel like the you should be able to see further past the fog but you just can't. However to feel as if there's something there but I can't see through it to the West you see it stretches onward and and it looks like there's even a little bit of a turn about 60 feet away 70 feet away to the south as well as the corridor continuing on to the West but again like you can only see so far and you feel like you should be able to see further I could send egg through the fog if we can't see through it just three look there Aldo Aldo Where's Aldo and Aldo's gone?

Wait what not this kid? Oh? That will all right Well, he's not on the map. I'm not on the map so you're on a completely different map. I'm on a different map. Oh That's fun. All right, let's roll with it. Aldo's gone. What the? What happened to Aldo? He stole my chive, that thief!

I'm on the map. Ethel can see the other angel on the end of the hallway. What angel? Oh, the hallway to the west. Oh, you don't see it? I do see it. Ping the angel. Oh, the hallway to the west? You can see that. Oh. You don't see it? I do see it.

I see it as well. All right, so some of you- There. Another angel. Some of you can see, others cannot. Way to the west. Another angel. This way.

Ethel, go. I'm right behind you. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Spell economy, mon frère. Is it a single target spell?

It is an area 10 foot wide, 10 foot tall, 60 foot long section of terrain. Wow. So I'll get within 60 feet up to the angel. Let's see what that is. Yeah, let's see where we end up. Oh, that's, ooh. Oh, uh-oh.

That's all the way up. Whoa, a lot closer than I thought. 60 feet, eh? All right. Let's get through the intersection and then we'll talk about it. Okay, that sounds good. Also, a great metaphor for life.

I'm gonna do another. Continue, continue on. I'm gonna do another perception as we're approaching this intersection. Traps on the floor, etc. Oh, there we go. Oh, I got this gorgeous chunky wood die from Bob and Son. Bob and Son, raise your hand. Where are you? Where are you? Hey, hey! Their first show. Thank you guys so much. 97! Let's go! Yeah, there you go. 35 perception for traps coming up to this intersection.

You don't see any traps. However, that perception is high enough to see that the corridor not only continues on to the east, but also there is an intersection here that opens up to the south. Oh, again, it goes down, but then it's so hard to see. I cannot distinguish what is down below. I say below. What is to the south? What is down below? It's just to the left of you. Yeah.

Well, you know, in this anti-gravity chamber, all right, I'm going to try another perception. Trying to look through that darkness. I know there's something there. Come on, Bob. You had one good roll in it. That's 23. 23. 23. Yeah, you can't, your eyes cannot pierce. There's nothing down there. 37 for Ethel. Eth. Yeah you can't your eyes cannot pierce. That's a there is nothing down there. 37 for Ethel. All right Ethel you however look down and you can see further to the point where it looks like there is a much larger statue all the

way to the center south. Are you seeing that? Yeah. Oh that looks like a nightmare. A statue of four masked figures or four masked faces. Yeah. That might have tails or tongues coming out of their mouth. Or snakes. Totally normal stuff. Unlike the angel statue whose head you turned this is much larger and is more reminiscent of the gateways that become unlocked on each floor after you turn there we go so you think that once you turn all the angel heads this could very well be the passage down to the next level all right let's proceed on to check this angel out

on the western corner. Okay, everyone hold on. Going to cast safe passage. Okay, and what does that do again? So, anyone passing through the area gains the following benefits against harmful effects on terrain, including environmental damage, hazardous terrain,

and hazards in the area. It gets a plus two status bonus to AC and saves against those effects and resistance 5 to all damage from the effects. Oh everyone gets that. Anyone passing through the area. It's an AOE and it's it's 10 feet wide so stay in the center of the corridor yeah and 60 feet long. So I'm gonna make it from here to the statue. Here straight to the statue in the 10 foot wide center of the corridor. 10 feet wide, like that?

Yep, and then 60 feet long. So from Suki all the way to the statue. And she just kind of like waves her hand and Pepsi like dances next to her as she, it's almost like, it's. Did you say Pepsi dances next to her? Like a snake charmer you say Pepsi dances next yeah like a snake charmer like Pepsi kind of does like a and it's almost like never seen Joe move like that before and I never want to see it again

good and it's almost like pixie dust like it turns into this like kind of shimmery air I'm such a dummy I'm'm looking at this. I'm like, what is that fog? Oh, it's a light. And she puts her hand down. It's safe, Ethel. Safe-ish. Zooki, that was very wise to cast that spell. Thank you, Dick. You are great. So Ethel will follow the passage up to the angel statue and turn the head.

All right, Ethel will walk up and yet again. Shaka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka, ka Aw, two heads have been turned. Yeah. Nice. Woo! Guys, there's another one of those froggy walls. Yes, that's some good head turning, Ethel. Thanks, Father Dick. Call me Dick. I don't think I will. I'll roll a perception to the south. Let's go.

See if I see anything. I got... Oh shit. Uh... Go back to me. 30 perception. Suki's looking down there for more hazards. Alright, so both Eris and Suki see this passageway open up. Yet again, not everybody sees this, but you feel confident that Suki and Eris do.

And it looks like to the two of you, you see the passageway stretches down and starts to turn to the right. You think that that must connect to where that statue in the middle is, that big gateway. Can you move the area of effect of this safe passage thing or that's just there? No, no, and remember when I talked about spell economy? Yeah. So I thought-

I don't really understand economics. I thought this was- My wife tried to talk to me about them once. I listened, but it just... We're good at some things, we're not good at others. The root of a lot of marital problems. Yeah, I can't imagine why the divorce happened. I'm smart!

Not dumb! Not dumb, like, everyone excites. So, I'm gonna not do that spell anymore. The entire level that I thought it was. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. Wait. You just cast a spell that you're not allowed to cast? What's so funny over there?

No, no, no, I can cast it. You are allowed to cast it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, but that spell's gone. I thought it was more first-level-y stuff, and it's like a third-level spell, so I should have saved it. I thought maybe we'd run-level-y stuff and it's like a third-level spell. So I should have saved it I thought maybe we'd run into danger here, right?

So I'll just hold off because clearly this is chill and well, you can't hold off you cast it So take it off. No, I'll hold off to cast it again. Right is what I'm saying. Okay, you're on your own. Good luck All right. Let's let's keep going This this hallway must also be similar to the other barrier we saw to the east. It must all meet in the center. Right, so perhaps the statue is further down here, maybe? Yeah, and then the other one's on the other side? Yeah, perhaps.

You get down to the intersection. Everybody give me another perception check. 36 for Aldo. 28 for Ethel. 34 for Eris. 36 for Atticus. That was on the Christmas die Ryan. Gorgeous. 22 for Suke's. All right so as you get closer to where Ethel is standing you see that sure enough the passageway turns and goes towards that gateway in the middle. Somebody roll 36? Yeah, Aldo and Atticus.

Aldo and Atticus. All right, Aldo and Atticus, you see, like through the fog up ahead, it looks like there's doorways, like just beyond the statue, but then you look again and they're gone. Then you look again, you see it, then they're gone. And you both experience this,

where you're seeing doorways leading in to like these hollowed out spaces on the map, but they keep appearing and disappearing. Do you see this, Helder? Yes. They are like portals. They shift in and out of sight. Perhaps if we time it correctly.

Perhaps there's really no doors there at all. Perhaps not. But then why would we both see them? Come, let's take a look. My closest friend in the world after my best friend has been killed. This way towards the center. Oh you said toward the east yeah towards the center of this situation Well Perhaps we don't quite go that way yet. We know that weren't open until we turn all the heads of the angels

Why waste our time? What's you want to keep going to the south? I want to keep going south. I'm seeing some strange movement of doors in that direction. Perhaps we need to unlock the other angels before these doors will vanish. Of course. Great idea. So you see deeper down that hallway to the west and I'm pinging on the map where you're seeing those doorways.

Oh, I see. Oh, perhaps we should go the other way, actually. Let's keep going south. This fog is really confusing. I'm so lost. Yes, it's very confusing. You move through the fog, and again, you can't see very far ahead,

but you keep pushing forward, and the hallway just sort of opens up before you. You keep walking, and as you get closer, you can see a little bit further, and a little bit further. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Don't like this. You're really dragging this out, LaValle.

This is a real pain in the ass to do, I'll tell you what. Yeah, it really is. It's a pain in the ass to play. It is. Oh, I'm so sorry so sorry you have to play there it is see it stands so easy they'll be in the four corners of this floor perfect oh wait every time I want to see that I'm gonna roll perception See if there's any weird dangers here that we didn't see before. 32. Natural 20, 39.

There you go Aldo. Yeah. Woo! Woo! Aldo, you watch from a distance as Ethel approaches this statue, the third out of presumably four angel statues, whose heads you need to turn.

And you're just listening. Even though you can only see so far ahead, you turn around and even where you've gone, there seems to be passageways that weren't there before. But you're tuning into really listening and you hear a couple distinct sounds. You hear scribbling like writing. You hear the sound of wind sort of whistling through an archway. And you hear a sound like a clock. Tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk That's a lot going on now Roll the natural 20. I turned the head of the angel statue

No, wait Three of four statues have been turned dude Dude, we're gonna finish strange aeons tonight. Yes All right, can we do kind of perception on this veil or just want to just push through push through well do perception of course wait so sorry so I heard scribbling winds blowing and a clock yes okay scribbling wind blowing and a clock are we doing my perception do perception. That was a natural 20 on perception. Well, no, just looking to the east on this hallway, perception 22, for Atticus. Not very

good. Father Dick comes up from behind and says- Whoa, where did you come from? Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to grab you. I was told about this level of the Mysterium. It is known as the Cypher Obscura, but never have my eyes seen the glories that lay within. There are occult collections here. occult collections here. Unlike the floor above, there are not just bookshelves along the hallway. There are rooms. We should find those rooms. Not only to find the statue that you're missing, but perhaps more clues as to what happened with Loulz. Yes, I saw some doors in the center, to the east. Perhaps those are the side rooms that are containing some of these texts.

He gets really close to you. Doors! Your breath is very hot. I mean, should we go to the doors first before we turn the last angel head? No, we could always go to the doors after before we turn the last angel head? No, we could always go to the doors after the last angel head is turned. Okay.

There is no- It's just, Father's being really weird about it. Father Dick. Yes. Are you all right? Please, just Dick. Okay. Dick, are you all right?

I know that Elder Lathine meant a lot to you. Perhaps you're not handling this well. Thank you. I didn't want to drag down the party with my personal feelings. Seeing that ring of acid resistance brought me back. To what? To what? You're very, very kind to think about my feelings. Right. But we are-

I'm sorry I asked. We are not here to worry about my feelings. We are here to cleanse this place. It is as if you are drenched in nostalgia, Father Dick. Yes. Yes. I can feel it, and I'm grateful for this moment. No, you're right.

We need to stay on task. We must cleanse this place, though I do care for your feelings, so if you ever want to talk, let me know. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right. She whispers to Eris, I just want to kill him.

It's so hard. He won't stay close to us. He doesn't go where we tell him to go. It's frustrating. When we get to, it'll be so awesome. It will be amazing. You're so right. I'm so happy that we know each other

and have these weird circumstantial friendships due to our obligations in this world. Father Bobbless is running away. Oh sorry, I thought we were moving forward. Ethel, protect him. Oh, hello. The internet doesn't like our interactions, so I'm going to stay behind. Yes. The what? I will stay as far away from you as possible. The inter who? Hello there, Pepsi. You and I have never had a conversation. What's your story?

Pepsi licks your open ankles. I assume you're wearing low-cut socks. Pepsi licks your ankles. He's wearing culottes. He's wearing culottes? Oh my, look at you. Snake, walking around as if you own the joint. Ha ha! What is wrong with Fondantip? Something happened.

Remember when your mouth was full of mushrooms? That was a fun few apps, huh? Yes, That ended. Oh! What's up here? Everybody roll a perception check. Ooh! Another natural 20! Skit!

40! Wow. nice. Skid. Skid. You... Oh man, that's really good, Skid. And she got a 2. Skidney.

Both of us. You got a natural 22? Yeah, we high fived across the table. That's why we were doing this thing. Sorry, I was just listening to Skid. I noticed. Did you hear me when I said 40 was the total? All right, so you 40 was the total?

Alright, so you both see that the passageway stretches to the north and connects to that angel gateway in the middle and both Suki and now Aldo, or Aldo and now Suki, whereas Atticus, maybe you're distracted, you don't see this. You see these doors appearing and disappearing, leading perhaps in to the four hollowed out areas. We're seeing that and I don't think we should be. I was just trying to send you a private text message. Shut up, Joe. I go into the room that looks safe and empty.

Well, that's embarrassing. It doesn't really matter, though. You can see that there are rooms there. Let us see if we can find this fourth angel and then examine these four quadrants. Yeah, and Suki mentions to Aldo in Atticus, I see it too, the doors that... Oh, you see them. you see them as well then

gone yes I'm not sure if they're related to the angel statues are not we'll find out momentary regardless we need to look inside in case there's other members of elder the themes party they could be hiding ah oh what was reset. Now what do you see? Nothing. Nothing. So shocked. Scary. Hey, what happened? What happened? Oh look, there's no statue here on the fourth corner. I guess we'll go to the rooms now.

I turn around. What? Did you reset everything we just undid? Yep. Everything. Yep. Woo! This floor is weird. I can't see a thing

says Father Dick. It's so dark. All right we're gonna go as north as far as possible and see if there's an angel statue this way. You continue north and you end up right back where you were when you turned the first statue. We now can't see anymore. That's your problem. Yes, it is. Wait, you really can't see it? Reset your junk.

There we go. All right. Oh shit, yeah. Did you read? Are you the dummy? No, it's on there. We just can't see the statue is what Matthew means. But it's fine. The statue is there. Yes. Look. Look. It's just a bunch of intersections. We need to go to the middle where these doors are that you keep seeing. Rightokie goes to...

But there is no fourth statue visible. The doors. No, all right. You've not seen... All right, let us go to the... Let us go to the doors. Following you, Sookie. Ethel, get up here quickly.

I'm with Father Dick. Well, we need you both. Sookie is walking in the front and she's the fucking healer. Where are you? Guys, where are you? Hello? It's so dark.

Hello? Over here. Hello? Hello? I can't get through the fog. Oh, Ethel, there you are. I can't see you. I can't get through the fog.

Where's Pepsi? Pepsi's here. Pepsi's fine. Wait, come back. Where are you guys? Aldo? Where's Aldo? Aldo.

Aldo. I can't lie. I'm surrounded by fog of war! Help! Man, if you don't think this is funny, you've got a big dump in your pants. This is hilarious, watching you roll around the porch. Help! Oh my god. That is so stupid. Is everyone all right? Yes. Mary is so stupid.

Is everyone alright? That was really scary. Oh my gosh, guys, don't leave me alone again. I've inhaled so much fog of war. I must wait. My breath come back to me. Atticus goes to the door in the northeast. I'm going to do a perception check on the door for traps.

Natural 20, Bob. Natural 20 on this door for traps. Natural 20, Bob. Natural 20 on this beautiful, woody guy. Yeah, let's fucking go! Boston Joe, Boston Joe, Boston Joe. Oh, I love you guys. You know what, and I also want to take a second to say how much I love every single person in the balcony of this place.

Thank you so much for standing up there and hanging with us. I know it's shitty to not have a seat, but it's amazing seeing you guys up there. Holy shit, there's a million people here. There is, it's amazing. Including Sydney's fiance. Yeah! That's my fucking wife! I love him!

Shocker! He's the one with the mustache! Supportive! We love it! Alright. That's my fucking... What? I rolled a natural 20 on the northeast door. Nice. For traps. Ah, for traps, yes. And we can see the door now that we've seen it already like in game

We know there's doors there. Well, no, it's see is it still flickering Is it so flickering or like we see the door? I don't see any doors you walk up to this space where some of you have seen what seemed like a door was there and then Not there and Aldo. Excuse me Atticus really like hones in and stares at this wall that's just bathed in fog in front of you. And you do see a door that appears to be untrapped. Oh. Oh. He will attempt to open it. Like he will attempt a doorknob

What are you doing with the doorknob check doorknob check? How do you attempt to door? D20 I know that That came out weird You said what you said Look, I don't like getting bogged down in this shit. But in the reality of real life, you can turn a doorknob without opening a door. I see what you're saying. I want to see if it's locked. So it's just like turning the doorknob and opening up a little bit. I don't think I should have said attempt a knob.

But that's what I want to do. Attempted knob, the Joe Bryant's part. Have another knob, bread boy. Have another knob. All right. So what are you doing to the doorknob? I fucking, I grab that knob. And I turn it to see if it clicks.

He's grabbing it weird. He's grabbing it like that. Well, you're squeezing the knob. As you're squeezing the knob, Father Dick like this. I caress the knob. Father Dick gets extremely close to you. Very good. Very good. Very good. Wait, what kind of therapist are you?

Turn the knob. It seems to turn to its fullest extent. Without any locking mechanism. Okay. It is unlocked. Ethel, proceed. Now I turn the knob. And I push and I push. Whoa. Careful. The internet might get mad at you.

So far they haven't had any comments on my relationship with doors. I think we're in the clear for now. You open the door, huh? Yeah All right, you open the door. Before I reveal the door, let's talk about what's in the room. You see yet another nice. Two harpoon tracks. Couple harpoons.

Boston Sin! Boston Sin! Boston Sin! Boston Sin! Boston Sin! And then I shotgun this, I fucking chug it. I won't, that's an IPA, I will not. Shotgun a double IPA. Shotgun a double IPA. I'm gonna make shotgun this chocolate stout.

It's a 16 ounce chocolate stout. Alright, you open the door. Let's talk about it. You see, not surprisingly, another collection of books. What? But standing amongst the books are four humanoid beings. No. Oh, shit.

It's already... They kind of look elvish in nature. They have long ears and they have blue hair, but all of their bodies seem to be glowing. And as you open the door, they're all just sort of looking at the books. And as they're tracing their hands along the spines of the books, there's this like faint blue line that like leaves a trail behind their fingers. In fact, all of their movements seem to leave this little trail of light behind them. But as you open the door, they all freeze and

then slowly turn toward Ross, second printing. What? What did she say? You just, you really fucked that up. I don't know if there's a right answer, but that certainly was a wrong answer. Roll for initiative. Legitimately, all of us are looking at Ethel like,

what the actual fuck are you doing? You guys haven't read that one? It's very rare. This, you could have got out of this encounter if you said something funny. There's a misprint on page 162. Oh my God. All right, I'm gonna go around the horn here.

Aldo. 24. 24, I'll reveal the map when I feel like it. Eris. 21. 21. 21. One. That one's old enough to drink.

Hell yeah. Tat Anikis. 25. You can rent a car. Suki. 28. Yeah, you start to realize life is over. Ethel.

36. Oh no. And you're almost dead. One foot in the grave. If you're in New York City, you had your first kid. If you're in Oklahoma, you're a grandfather. That is so true. You're a grandfather at 36. Yeah! Yeah!

Let's go! Let's kill something! Let's take a look at these pieces of shit. Yeah! That's what they look like. Oh, wow. Wait. Yeah, that's what they Wait, oh they look friendly these are the exact same pawns we saw recently in a gatewalkers I'm running low on puns. Yeah, these were Elves yeah, I use these as a Lully's friends. Yeah, now they're evil. Yeah now now they're not happy with you Yeah, they have some dope footwear too. I like the heel boot.

Oh yeah, heel boot, that's nice. Big fucking hammer, what the hell? Also, do they have like, is it like four separate leather belts around their abdomen? Yeah. That's a lot of belts. That's a lot of work. All right.

I don't want to fight them anymore. They look cool. Yeah. They're too cool to fight. All right. I guess I'll do something. It is one of their turn. Which one is it? Ah, it's the one in the back here. I'll ping her. Wait. Sorry. Just a moment. There we go. Fucking ping. There it is. There's that ping. There you go. Let's have this one move to the middle of the room and drop a lightning bolt on Eris and Ethel. Oh no. What? Lightning Bolt, Lightning Bolt.

Lightning Bolt. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, my man. Nice. Positive hands. Yeah, there he is. Then they have lightning. That's how you know you're at the paradise, baby.

Give me a reflex save. Shit. Shit, that's a crackdown. 28. Give me a reflex save 28 34 Just making up numbers All right, I think so but both basic saves you will take half. Yes damage I thought that 20 was from this lightning bolt. This is good, they're lower level. Let's fuck these people up.

Yeah! That's 13 points of electricity damage. This is gonna take a couple of times. Ow! And now it's Ethel's turn. All right, Ethel is going to use an ability called, what is it called? I was just looking at dual weapon blitz.

Ooh. So I get to stride up to my speed, and it's two actions, stride up to my speed and make an attack anywhere within that movement. Wow. Wow. So I am going to stride

here. Here for our audio listeners. If you would let me finish the part of the sentenceomite. Ah, I can see it in my mind's eye. And I will hit, swing with the war hammer. That's going to be a 28 to hit. That's a hit. Nice! Nice! Nice.

Nice. Okay, that'll be 15 bludgeoning and 5 cold. 15 bludgeoning and 5 cold. It appears that all of that goes through. Nice. Nice. And she says, ah! Okay, I will continue my movement and then do another move action.

Oh. Which will put me up in melee right there with the guy with the one that cross into the middle of the room. With the lightning bolt swinger. Okay. Ethel. So bold. Such a hero.

Such a hero. Such a hero. Get ready to heal him. He's going to die. Okay. Let's do this. The one to the north here... Oh shit, we did. We forgot Battle Cry. Oh, what a shame. So sorry that that happened. That is... that's sloppy. That's well.

That's sloppy. So embarrassing. The one to the north is going to cast a spell on the one to the west. And the one to the west looks like it's ready to mess you up. Then this one who cast the spell is then going to move. How far can I move? Let's see. He said while stalling. I got some decent movement here. I kind of want to close old Ethel in but I'm going to just kind of slide up to Ethel there.

Okay. And then it is the one who had the spell cast on it. Stern. And that one is going to... Man. I wasn't joking when I said I was going to kill Ethel and Eris today. I think that's... Uh-uh. Yeah. I mean, it was a really bold move by Ethel, but it is profoundly dangerous. We'll see. This one is gonna cast a spell on you, Athel. Give me a will save. Oh boy.

How's your will? It's my weakest save. Good. However, I do have an ability to help me out with that. Good will hunting? But unfortunately, I rolled very poorly. No, no. How poorly? 21. Good will hunting? But unfortunately I rolled very poorly. Oh no! How poorly?

21. You are paralyzed for one round. Oh no! Oh no. That doesn't sound too bad. Oh no. Paralyzed condition, you're frozen in place! You have the off guard condition and can't act

Except to recall knowledge and use actions that require only your mind in parentheses as Determined by the GM my favorite You're paralyzed But that was two actions And then I am going to have that one stride up to you and since the other one cast haste on it it's then going to hit you with a war hamper 24 against your off guard AC even off guard and paralyzed miss. Yeah Yeah, suck it

Such a hero how embarrassing you got a war hammer and you can't hit a paralyzed man Just embarrassing suki suki all right Sookie! Sookie! All right. Sookie, seeing Ethel march... Surrounded. Yeah, just march into the room surrounded. She wants to keep her distance, so she is going to cast her heightened electric arc, one of her innate spells. So I need...

First she's going to cast it at the elf person who is closest, because that's the only one she can reach okay so make a reflex saving throw all right let me just see your view there yeah you got you got eyes on this thing man yeah I guess you can see it that's fine all right what do you want to reflex save yes oh 28 damn that just passes but that's okay you'll take half damage okay then as it hits that creature it bounces to the next creature right next to Ethel I need another one you need another one yeah I'll give it to you another 28 okay that passes you'll take half then it bounces to the next one to the north oh

rocks 34 that passes but it's not a cr- I'll do the, I'll figure it out. And then it bounces to the last one. Okay, and that one is a 26. Oh, wait. It doesn't, it's always you. She's making up spells. Yeah, I fucked up.

I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up. You're embarrassing yourself in front of your future husband. Oh, look, he's left. He's... To find a woman that knows how to read spells. He's so used to it. There's so many here tonight.

I... For some reason... You can have your pick of the letters, Amy. Pick of the letters. I thought... That's your chance, Xavier. Every woman in here can read a spell. I thought it was the spell that if it succeeds, it jumps to the next person,

but I think that's like chain lightning. That's chain lightning, that's level six. I fucked up. So this one is just the first two, so you're gonna take half, 15, which will be seven. Seven points of damage. They take no damage from your shitty electricity. What?

Yeah. They seem to be resistant to your electrical charms. Well, now we know, Suki says, that was on purpose. And she's gonna command Pepsi with her final action. Pepsi is going to... And you can control Pepsi now, right? Yep, yes, thank you for that. Pepsi is gonna slither in through the doorway

and then attack this elf. Ooh, godspeed, Pepsi, says Father Dick. That's gonna be... A hit. 31. 31, that's a hit. Cool. Nice. Woo!

Pepsi's biting the ankles by little ankle biter 12 points of piercing damage Pepsi is coming in in the clutch Atticus grim the wizard. Yeah, I don't know what these things are, but they must be stopped Yeah. I don't know what these things are, but they must be stopped. Uh, right. Let me just do a bit of cheese. Atticus slides into the room.

Atticus slides into the room. He rat walks into the room. A rat walks into a room. Uh, Atticus slides into the room and, is going, ooh, yeah, okay, let's do it. He comes into the room, seeing these things surround Ethel, he's like, oh no, this cannot happen. And he starts moving his hands in a very intricate way for an arcane spell casting that is the most powerful spell that he can possibly cast. What is it? At this level.

Each one of these creatures begins to feel the very fabric of reality around them. What they would consider time, slowing, changing, as he casts a heightened level six slow on all four of them. Wow! Good fucking go! Come on! I need some fails! I need some fails! Come on! You should have said Boston Slow. Boston Slow! That would have been way funnier.

Let's see how you roll first. Alright, what kind of save? I should have had it up, but I was scooping off. I believe it's Will. Will save? Fortitude. Fortitude save. Okay. Four of them. Are they all all gonna roll. All four targets. Yeah. All right

So which one are you rolling first? I'm rolling the one next to Pepsi and that one rolled a 19 19 is a critical failure You are you are slowed to for one minute. No, not a minute spells over You are slowed two for one minute. Not a minute! Spells over! That's the whole point of this. Wow, shut down the spell cast. Hell yeah.

The one directly to the left of Ethel, 24. 24 is you are slowed one for one minute. For one minute? One minute! One minute! This is nonsense. All right, the one to the north of that piece of shit. Roll to 29.

You are slowed one for one minute. Come on! Yeah! That is horseshit. And the last one rolls, fuck, a 19 again. Slowed two for one minute! Two critical fails and two fails. Dude, this is amazing. Boston Slow! Boston Slow! These guys are so dead, dude. They're so dead. Two of them basically can't cast their spells for the rest of the encounter.

How sick is that? Slow, a rank three spell. Heightened to six, targets up to 10 creatures. Wow. It's a beast. I'm going to my spreadsheet to tentatively title this episode Boston slow. Yeah That's good. I might change my mind. I might change my mind Yeah, it's a super powerful spell, but I was like they all seem lower level. There's four targets

They're all spell casters. This seems like the perfect fucking situation to use a slow spell. You're uh You're great at everything you do. Aldo! Aldo, he's first going to do a arcana check to do an olive check on these things. Okay. Give me a check of the arcana variety. 30? 30. Do you have religion? Religion. No. If you were to roll. No. Not

really. No. He's Presbyterian. Okay. I didn't know that about him. He literally is. He doesn't have one. I didn't know that about him. That's cool. Not the fantasy equivalent. Yeah, no, he's actually a Presbyterian. He's from Australia. All right, so these creatures are creatures known as Axiomites. Ah. And in fact, you heard, I think from Elder Theor, that originally on the first level,

one of the protections, if someone were to try to break into the first level, one of the protections, if someone were to try to break into the second level, would these axiomites, these beings of pure law would appear to try and stop people. They're like a security system for the... Right, but something happened and they didn't appear, the Hounds of Tyndalos appear, and just kept spawning out of that mirror. Which is sort of like the opposite side of the coin from what they didn't appear. The Hounds of Tyndalos appeared and just kept spawning out of that mirror. Which is sort of like the opposite side of the coin from what they are.

So for some reason it seems like they've been shunted to down here. And so you think to yourself, oh, maybe they're just messed up as well, like every haunt and every hazard that you've faced. And they're just trying to protect the place and they think that you're trouble. Right. Do I think with that role, is there any way that we could recalibrate them or do we just, do I feel like we just have to defeat them?

That's it? Um, you, would you roll again? 30? 30. That's pretty fucking good. You need someone with religion to figure that out. Ah, okay. And you can tell your friends, like,

Is there anyone here as a theologist? Is there a theologist in the house? I am. Fuck. Oh, for Christ's sake. Though I have not finished seminary, I... You haven't finished seminary? I read the first two books of the Bible. Why didn't you?

You call yourself Father Dick Bubble. You entered the seminary and you hadn't read the Bible yet? No, it's very long. I felt like I got the gist after the first two books. Father Dick, why didn't you say something when Ethel opened the door? I was, I was, I don't know. You're still carrying the body of Elder Lothian.

Yes, I'm carrying a body. Nice. So bubbles for bubbles. Thank you. You're as cold as ice. When it gets to my turn, perhaps I can help. Treat them with respect! We're killing them.

That works as well. Okay. Alright, so... I've slowed them down temporarily. If we could find a way to turn them off, perhaps, but they are aggressive against us. They'll kill Ethel if we don't defeat them now. Or at least stop them.

All right, so was that an action for me? Yeah, just one action. That was one action. OK, so. The recall of knowledge. Oh, no, but yelling that. Was yelling that an action? That was three actions, actually.

So you used too many actions. But I allowed it. All right. Good luck. No, free action or talk. you still have two more actions. Okay, all right, so Aldo's going to run into the room and just be pulling a bomb like off his greater striking room bandolier as he does and tosses a moderate fire bomb

at the nearest axiomite, not the nearest axiomite, but the one fighting Ethel right now. Okay. Toss away. All right. 32. That's a hit. There you go, bud. Oh, baby. That's a hit. 34 points of fire damage. Nice!

Two points of persistent fire damage. Oh no. And does the one to the north take some splash? Also takes five points of splash damage. Both him and the one to the north? Yes. To the nooooth. All right, so you step up and just start lighting these beings of pure law on fire.

Yeah. It is the final Axiomites turn, the one that's next to Pepsi and the one, one of the two that is slowed, too! Yeah! Yes! You know, one of them has haste cast on it. Oh! But not this one.

Oh. So this one, this piece of shit, has one action, and it's just going to try and raise its war hammer and smash Pepsi. No! Try it! Do your worst. Warhammer and smash Pepsi. No! Try it. Do your worst. I feel a nat 20 coming. I'm gonna switch die.

I'm gonna switch die. Oh, weird. Whoa. I don't know, you probably would have had a natural 20 with the other die. Not a natural 20, however, that's a 35 to hit Pepsi's AC. That hits, it's not a crit.

It's the AC of this unarmored snake. Armored snake? No, the snake I bought barding for. Yeah, she bought the DLC. Wearing chainmail. You have a snake wearing chainmail that just kinda bends and molds with it? He's got a little chainmail hood. It's adorable.

This game is so stupid. Fantasy games are so fucking stupid. This game is stupid. You can buy, this is by the rules, light barding, you can buy it. And Pepsi's got a 28 AC and I'm sorry. It's so dumb. It's a dumb game. I love my stupid snake.

You've made a dumb game dumber. You take 25 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh, Suki is pissed at that. And three points of spirit damage. Oh, no. You hurt Pepsi's soul? Yeah. I took away his smile.

Oh. Oh. There were a lot of genuine awes in the audience. Aw. He took away his smile. Oh no, you hurt the most useless character in the network. Next to Egg. Eris, you're up.

Egg. None of us care about Egg. I love Egg. Egg's been really useful. Whatever. So Ethel is paralyzed as in like your next turn you can't do anything? Yeah. Yeah.

Just making sure that was a definition of paralyzed. Blinded by the light. All right. So in that case, I want to yell out to Ethel. Which one are you going to attack first, next, when you can? Oriel can! That's exactly what I was about to say.

I know you. I know you! Ethel tries to speak, but all you hear is... You can speak when you're paralyzed. What? Oh, you're paralyzed! You have never been paralyzed. The confidence with which you said that is

I mean to my entire body is paralyzed. All right. All right So the one directly to the left of Ethel and the one above that they are our slowed one Yeah, I believe so but the one directly to the left is also hasted. Yeah, so it's gonna kind of Yeah, it still has three actions actions but it has to use one of those three for a strider strike. Let's see how far I can get into this room. Basically what Sloan effectively did is took away its haste. Counteracted All right, right to the north west of Aldo, 10 feet to the west of Atticus.

This Axiomite that's directly to the left of Ethel, I'm going to potentially curse. With a blood spray curse. Curse! Please roll a fortitude save. You got it, sister. Oh! 22. 22, that is a failitude save. You got it, sister. Oh! 22.

22, that is a fail. Yeah. So for one minute each time, the first time each round that target takes at least 10 piercing or slashing damage from a single strike, it takes an additional 2d6 additional damage. Whoa! Of the same type.

And, cause you failed, You said additional. When it takes additional damage, Stop saying additional. You take a lot of damage. And because you failed, when it takes additional damage, it also takes a lot of damage. The first time you take piercing or slashing, you take 2d6. When you take additional damage, you take again 2. Yep, we read spells. Guys, this is really cool. It's really cool. Don't let Troy bully you into thinking this isn't really cool.

Boston Cakes! Yo, flex! Show them that muscle! Say garlic. Garlic! I love it, thank you. Garlic! Garlic! I love it. Thank you. Boston Cades.

That's my turn. Fuck your characters. Nope. I'm very clear on what happens to this character. At the end of round one, Father Dick Bubbles carrying the... Don't go pee now. I need you here for this. Stop talking to your friend.

Adults shouldn't have friends. Adults shouldn't have friends. Adults shouldn't have friends. Adults should not be friends. Adults should not be friends. It's a foolish pursuit. Father Dick Bubbles walks into the room carrying the body of Elder Lethene. Why?

What are you doing, Bubbles? Stay back. We said leave him. No, Aldo said he needed religion. Well, you've got religion. He rolls a religion check and fails. Yeah, no shit. And now, exit the room, please.

Wait, do we really, we don't know anyone else, nobody else? I have religion. You do? I'm just waiting for Troy to end his stupid turn. How dare you? I'm trained also, I forgot. Father Bubbles is an American hero. Boston Dick! Boston Dick!

Boston Dick! Boston Dick! Boston Dick! Boston Dick! No! No, no, no. All right, you can go. Boston Dick!

Boston Dick! Boston Dick! Boston Dick! It looks like we were calling Joe Boston Dick. I know. He took offense to that for some reason. Boston Dick! Get out of here, Boston Dick!

Boston Dick! Get out of here! boss and dick! Boss and dick! Get out of here! Yeah. This fucking red socks hat. Wears it once a year. All right. Is Father Dick going to do it all over again?

Hold on! Father Dick has three actions just like you! He puts his pants on one leg at a time. The person just like you. So the his pants on one leg at a time. The person just like you. So the three actions, one leg, one leg. First action, he walks into the room. Second action, he rolls and fails a religion check.

Third action, he cowers behind Aldo and Ethel. God damn it. Don't group up next to us. He's like, I don't know what's going on. Why do you have Eldenithene's body? Why did you take it? Drop it, drop it. Put it down.

Bad, bad dick. Round two. The axiomite to the northwest of Ethel strikes out with a How slow to my that was one slowed one that one is one. Yeah, I think man. This is pretty sweet But burst action, oh, but I can't fucking move Slowed us so stupid. Such a stupid game.

Should be playing Cala Cthulhu. Cala Cthulhu live? Woo! Do whatever I want in that game. Ah! All right, just gonna hit you with a hammer Gonna hit you with a hammer and kill you here we go new die Come on ball sack

Second balls natural two yeah Miss Jack of Balls! Natural two. Yeah! Miss. It has one more action. I think I can throw again. Miss. Miss with a nat five. Were you swinging at me? Yes. Boy, that's embarrassing.

I know. Three times they've tried to hit a paralyzed band with a war hamper. And missed all three times. What's wrong with these? It's Ethel's turn. You're paralyzed. All right. I have, I'm untrained in religion, but I have a plus 12 to it. Can I roll religion untrained? You might know something that you can't relate to your friends, but it might be fun to know.

And I'll go, we'll take a walk to the balcony. I'll whisper it in your ear. 27. 27. 27. 27. know something that you can't relate to your friends, but it might be fun to know. And I'll go, we'll take a walk to the balcony. I'll whisper it in your ear. 27 religion. You know, what might be able to stop this attack.

Okay. But I'm not going to tell you. But you know. Okay. No, and it's killing you. Then you can't say anything. You know it so well. You could end this hostility. Friends may die, but you can't say what it is.

I start screaming without being able to move my tongue or my mouth. My god, it's like sleep paralysis. What it is. I start screaming without being able to move my tongue or my mouth. Woo! My god, it's like sleep paralysis. It's terrifying. Except I'm awake and watching everyone die. Yep. Well, they did try to hit me three times with a war hammer and miss.

I'm a little less worried than I was before. The one that slowed to your northeast swings at you with a war hammer. I got so many sweet spells. Can't use any of them! Get out of here, man. Don't be looking at my shit. Look at my stuff.

Did you just go to get a fresh butt? Yeah, I was just hanging out in the balcony watching the show. Nice. It was great. Is it good? Good show? Dude, it's good up there. Oh, good. Except you can't, you cannot see your eyes from up there.

That's how I like it. Warhammer at your face. 37 to hit. That is a critical hit. Oh, no. Here comes the pain. Joe was supposed to help. Joe, while you were away.

I heard a cheer. Ethel learned what might be able to stop this combat. Ethel did? Yeah, but he can't share it. We're purely mental action. Oh my god. Oh my god. Don't say it out loud. That can't be right. That's too much damage. Stop it.

Oh no. Such an asshole. You know who thinks this is real funny? Matthew right now. How much could it be? 10 points of damage? 46 points of bludgeoning damage. Somebody cheered. Dude, some of the Ethel haters are in the crowd.

They're here. I bet you it's... And 12 points of spirit damage for a total of 58 points of damage. Wait, doesn't Ethel have the ring of messaging? Spirit damage for a total of 58 points of damage. Wait, doesn't Ethel have the ring of messaging? And with this ring, could he not use it to transmit his knowledge to the rest of us? Austin Smith! Austin Smith! Austin Smith! Austin Smith! Austin Smith! Austin Smith! I never get a geographic nickname. This is awesome.

Messengers ring. Activate. Hold on, you vultures! You player-loving fools! Let me read. It's so much more complicated. Yeah, I just read it. Shocker. I don't know. I hope I can do it, though. The ring, what? I'm just gonna read this sentence.

Just read it. Just read it. Read the activation. The effect, the ring casts animal messenger to your specification. What? Keep reading. Keep reading. The animal is a magical creature that springs from the ring. Shut up.

And its appearance suits the iconography or heveldry of the leader or organization represent a wild ring. You know what, for so long, I didn't understand why my wife hates everything I do. And in this moment, I understand completely. What in the shit is that? Cool idea, skid. Thank you. What a stupid ass ring.

It also, what we're skipping over, is that it also lets you cast messages in an arcane, innate spell, at will. At will. At will. At will. And also, if you don't serve an organization or leader, the ring looks like your own face.

So, Ethel's little face. No, no, it's Elder Luthien's. It's the priest of this. But now you're wearing it. But the insignia is not mine. Right. So can you even use it? Yeah. Now I fucking can use it.

All right, so a fucking magical porcupine jumps out of Elder Luthien's face, flies through the air! No, I'm not using the activate, I'm using the message as an arcane innate spell at will. You mouth words quietly, but instead of coming out of your mouth, they're transferred directly to the ears of the target. That's a bottle cap for Skid. You mask it! You mask it! Yeah!

You mask it! Fuck it, go Minutemen! Troy, I know, I know, I spilled the Bud Light. Covered in beer. I was excited. Party file back here. Anyways, alright, so with your final action, we'll go back to your turn. You still take that thousand points of damage, but what do you say and to who? Well, what does he know? You didn't tell me what I know. You know that they most likely will cow to or obey anyone wielding the symbol of Nethus. Oh. You mean like the ring on my finger?

Oh no. Father Bubbles? No. You mean like when I asked them for that book with the ring on my finger? The animal could look like a cow. Like Father Dick Bubbles or Elderly King. Like he probably wears a symbol of netfish. The ring, I bet, has his very own symbol.

Oh, yeah, that is true. The ring has a magical porcupine. Oh, I thought this was obvious. The ring makes a porcupine dance out of it through the face of the priest you stole it from. Right, and then flies through the air and lands on Aldo's tongue even though you're paralyzed. I cannot have another rodent controlled by Troy on a show. Sorry. Well, I sent that message to Aldo.

Aldo knows that. It is the other Axiomites turn. Now this is the one that was hasted but also slowed. And it's on fire. It's a fucking game. If I gave up math years ago. So I get... I became an actor so I didn't have to be smart. So what, how many fucking actions do I get? So I had four, but then slowed two, I have two actions. That one slowed one. And then you made me slow two. I thought that creature was slowed one. This one slowed one, yes.

So I have three actions. So you get three actions, one of them must be to stride or strike. And so essentially, it just undid the haste. Right. So I can use a spell and a strike Yes, if I have a two-action spell we can't you Yes, yeah, I really want to do this other shit All right, let's have some fun. I am going to stride into the middle stride into the middle of Eris, Aldo, Atticus, and Father Bubbles. And immediately see the symbol of Nethus hanging around Bubbles.

His open chest. It walks forward with its eyes closed and casts Divine Wrath. Everybody give me a fortitude save, including Father Bubbles. What about Ethel? No, not Ethel. Just the people that are within the 10th burst of this creature. Oh, Bubbles passed. Oh. Bob. Come on, Bob.

Come on. Fuck this up. Fuck. Yeah. Oh, this is nasty. Joe, same. Yeah. This is nasty. Joe, same. All right, Joe, what did you roll?

25. Okay, Eris, what did you roll? Piss in my ass. I don't want to. I don't want to do that. 20, shit, wait, 22. 22, 25. Aldo? 35, 36 with the armor of resilience. Yeah, nice.

And Suki. No, not Suki. No, not me. That's it, right? That's all the people in the show. Yeah. What? Okay, yeah, Bubbles, Bubbles passed, I'll have you know.

So, Bubbles going to take half damage the rest of you Who roll fucking forgot what everybody rolled what you're all 25. Yes, it's a critical success All right, I'm sorry fail, but not critical fail. Okay, so Aldo Succeeded you're gonna take half damage. You guys are gonna take full damage and Eris and Atticus are sickened one. Ah Let's talk about the Demagio here. Let me just grab my d10s. Got them. I'm gonna keep rolling them.

Oh, my God. 28 points of spirit damage. 14 for Aldo. I'd like to know what that spell is. And Father Dick. Father Dick falls unconscious. Oh, very impressive. Wait, really? Yep. He's dying one. dying one. He collapses. The only man with a holy symbol of Nethus that can speak to these creatures is dying one.

No. No. I believe that is not tattooed on his chest. You could take the symbol. I could take the symbol. Suki, you're right. That actually was on fire. Let's see what happened here on old foundry VTT It takes two points of fire damage and it is still on fire Yeah, no, I know I know I know I so I couldn't people burn alive. Yeah, so it's awesome. Yeah I'm pretending to be the average Celtics fan

Okay, I love murder. Suki walks into the room. Unless we're murdering the 76ers. Soon to be the New Jersey 76ers. You shut your mouth when you're talking to Steve. Yeah. Soon to be the New Jersey 76ers? You shut your mouth when you're talking to Steve. Stop when you're talking to Steve. Did Aldo say out loud the information he got from Ethel?

The most annoying question in all of role playing. Yeah. I'm making sure. No, it's only annoying when the player is like, I do not share that information. No, I'm making sure the one know it's only annoying when the player is like I do not share that information No, I do unless I'm prohibited from doing so by Pathfighters second editions draconian rules and what you can't do on return. No, you can share that share information is an action I share it to the very heavens themselves, but dicks on the ground now covered in the corpse of Elder Luthien

He did not shit himself? He did not shit himself. He's dying one. From that... Did he shit himself? That's shitting... That's the shitting range. Dying four is when you shit yourself.

Oh, okay. In the book. From that information... Everyone... It says it in the player's book. It says it in the book. When you reach time four, your player shits himself and then is permanently dead. That's why I love Pathfinder 2e, because it says it in the book.

It's all in there. Does, from that information, Suki's got a twenty religion, does she think that we need Father Dick bubbles, or does she think we need the symbol of Nephys to show to these actualites? You need to convince them that you are followers of Nephus or with someone who's a follower of Nephus. And now I have a library. Your friend not foe here.

Yeah, okay. They're on the same side. Show them a symbol that will turn them into a cow. See, that's the information she gets from Aldo. She's like, okay. So she goes to. A harmless cow. Father Dick bubbles his body. She's gonna take the symbol off his neck, his necklace.

You rip the symbol of Nethus? Interact action, I lightly take it off his head very gently. Okay. Puts it on her own. Okay. And she's- And that is all three actions.

Yeah. Just don't put it on yourself, just hold it up. Fine, fine, fine, whatever. I take it off, interact action, just hold it up. Fine, fine, fine, whatever. I take it off, interact action and hold it up. Free action, she's go, or religion check if you want me to. What are you doing? What do you want to do? She's, yeah.

You've taken 17 actions since you started. She's holding it up. She moved in and around. She spins it around in her hand, catches it in her left hand. Then she collects some dirt from the floor Then she collects some dirt from the floor. She holds it up and she says, we are not your enemies.

We all follow Nephis, and we were here searching for Father Levine. Father Levine? Levine. Father Levine. Father Levine. Levine. Father Levine. The renowned Talmudic scholar, Father Levine? Father Levine! Father Levine!

Talmudic scholar, Father Levine! We said that earlier. Now it's in my head. Father Levine! Father Levine. We had a good chuckle at lunch. So you want to lie to them and say you're all followers of Nethus instead of doing diplomacy to say

we're with the Nethus guy. We're with someone. The power the Nethus guy. We're with someone. The power of Nethus compels you! The power of Nethus compels you! The power of Nethus compels... Yeah, I'd like to do a deception, because my deception's way better than my diplomacy. We are all followers of Nethus.

Give me a deception roll. Okie dokie. Might have fucked this one up. Yep. Yeah. Fucked that one up. Oh, god. That is gonna be... Oh, it's my fault. Might have fucked this one up. Yup. Yeah. Fucked that one up. Oh my god.

That is going to be, aw, it's my fault. That is going to be a 19. Oh my god. Wow. What a bad lie. Yeah, she fucked up and she said Father Levine. Levine, huh? She said that.

She said Father Levine, you said you're all followers of Nethus, they clearly do not believe you. I don't care if you have any actions left, it's Atticus' turn. So interesting. I do have an action left. All right, what do you want to do? You do not have an action. You don't have an action left.

You moved, picked up the necklace, and then tried to kill him. And then you did that little thing. Yeah, Pepsi is going to attack this elf again. You moved, you picked up the necklace and then tried to get it. And then you did that little thing. Yeah, Pepsi is going to attack this elf again. You moved, you picked up the thing and you lied. Yeah, Pepsi has his own action, but he's going to attack again. Pepsi's mature. Pepsi can act without you commanding him? Yeah.

Because he's mature. Mature. Okay. Oh, I don't know about that one. You're so mature, Pepsi. Oh, come on. He lives in the freshman dorms. That's going to be. You're as cold as ice. Thank you. I don't think that will hit a 21 to hit. No. Okay. So that's Thank you. I don't think that will hit a 21 to hit. No.

Okay. So that's it. No. No. Pepsi bites misses. That's the whole turn. It was an immature miss. Atticus. You mindless thugs. Atticus is like, I'm thinking about this, I'm thinking about like trying to deescalate, right? But I'm like, that's a Joe thing. It's not an Atticus thing necessarily, I'm thinking about this, I'm thinking about trying to deescalate, but I'm like, that's a Joe thing.

It's not an Atticus thing necessarily. And I think that Atticus has what I consider to be a very, as I've been thinking about this in this hour, it's been since my last turn, this healthy hatred for these creatures. Even though they're protecting something here that we're not necessarily trying to steal or break into, these creatures of pure law represent an antithesis to him. He loves his, the chaos of his approach, the chaos of the magic that he has used to, you know, these illusions that he has used to grow crowds and grow interest and make money is all about, you know,

shaking up expectations, being chaotic, not doing what everyone tells you. Behold unless you are to the Lord of Change! Yes! So he's just like, fuck this! Hail Zeke! And so when this one comes in and does that divine burst, Yes! So he's just like, fuck this! And fuck them! And so when this one comes in and does that divine burst, he's just like, this will not stand! And so I am going to stand right where I am.

He is going to cast Shore Strike as one action. And then as two actions, he's going to grab Rubble from the room and throw a telech telekinetic projectile at the one that charged into the middle of all of us Yes, so yeah, so here we go telekinetic projectile with a bit of Sure strike okay here. We go rather than trying to reason with these creatures of pure law, you throw rocks at them. No, honestly, yeah, like every other character I play would reason with them, but not that. All right. So I've got, you know, all right, here we go. Come on. Let's get you all Christmas die. Ryan, where are you? Where is the Christmas die? There he is!

He gave me a beautiful die that literally has mistletoe inside of it. And he was like, and I gave it to you. Not Troy. Because he's a piece of shit. Wow! I hope he touched his genitals before he played with that guy. Dude, this might even be a crit actually. That is an adjusted 38. Oh shit!

That is a critical hit. Yeah! Ryan! Oh, you're over there. Critical crit! Critical crit! I mean, just so god damn phenomenal. I wasn't prepared for so much success. I'm sorry. Oh I would like to remind everyone that that was a cantrip 50 points of bludgeoning down.

Bludgeoning? Blub blub blub blub blub blub! Oh! Oh! Oh, no. Still up. Damn it. Fuck you and your mindless law, you robot.

Why did you hit it with rocks? It's Aldo's turn. I know, you wanted piercing or slashing. I couldn't do it. I didn't have the means, I'm sorry. You need Ethel to wake up. Ethel, snap out of it. It's time to stop playing games.

Stop drawing them in with your clever-oos. He loves to play games. Aldo, you are up. You know that you could probably deescalate this. I don't know what your diplomacy's like. It's pretty good, actually. Well, no, it's not. His deception's good.

See, don't fall for that trap. He's a con man. Suki's holding the amulet up. All right, so one action I'm gonna grab. I'm gonna take the symbol of Nethus. You should try, I fucked it up, there you go. I'm gonna hold it up, it's like, don't listen to her, she's a heretic!

Together we must purge the heretic, the Xenos, the mutants! All hail the emperor, I mean Nethus! All hail the Emperor, I mean Nethis! We should start touring with a Warhammer 40K show. I know. We're gonna be streaming some Space Marine too this week. 21. You guys. No!

Suki was like, wow, that was really good. Oh, that didn't work either. All right, they didn't understand a word of that. All right, so he drops the simulant, he's just like, whoa! And throws his last remaining greater lightning bomb. Oh wait, no, they're immune. Or highly resistant. Remember. Oh no, no they're immune. Or highly resistant.

Remember. Oh no, you're right. To lightning. You're right. Okay, I forgot. Do you have a thread ampule? No, it's gonna throw just another moderate alchemist fire. Okay. Love fire. Natural one. Fire kills everything.

Oh, that's a fan fumble. Oh, shit. Let's find somebody from the's a one. That's a fan fumble. Oh shit. Let's find somebody from the greater Boston area. Come on, come on. What? It's alchemy, is it really magic? It's not. Well, it's not.

It's ranged. It's ranged. It's ranged. It's all right, ranged. Ranged. Ranged fumboni from the great city of Boston. Yeah. Mass. Let's find that person in the crowd city of Boston. Yeah. Mass.

Let's find that person in the crowd tonight. I hope they're here. Is Rob here from Avon, Connecticut? That's the only person you could find. Rob! Oh! You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch, Rob!

Hey, mom calling. Dude, I met Rob at the VIP pre-hang and he's awesome. Yeah, I saw you guys making out. He's awesome. I kissed him on the mouth. Yeah. Oh no. He's an awesome dude. I met that guy too. I'm about to be so fucking mad at this guy.

Did you also make out with him, though? No, I didn't make out with him. Oh, this is fucking horrible. And Rob, I didn't make out with him. Oh, this is fucking horrible. And Rob, I suggest you get out of here quick so this kid doesn't beat the shit out of you in the parking lot. You knew it was on me. Why the fuck did you stand up?

This is actually amazing story wise. You're gonna live the rest of your fucking life in anonymity, safe, for my wrath. This is actually amazing. Garlic? Garlic. Garlic. All right, Rob, you're the man.

This one is called, Of Course the Wind Can Be Evil. Your enemy's god, Nethus. Is enraged. Oh, oh yeah. By your latest act of violence against their faithful. Oh my god, this is perfect. You dropped the amulet.

And they call upon a great cyclone to cast your missiles asunder. You are surrounded by a windstorm. You have minus four to ranged attacks for one D3 round. Oh shit. That's amazing. Good job, Rob.

And it's fitting with the story too. It's like you tried to call Nethus, it didn't work, and you're like, fuck it! I'll kill their police. And we're in this like sort of like charged place with like Nethus's presence and like yeah, that actually intervenes. It's gonna be one round, so. That's not so bad, but awesome Rob. Rob! Rob from Avon! Rob's a good dude. Rob's good people. Avon Rob! Avon Rob! Let's not go nuts. Anything else Aldo? That was it. That was my third action. That was it. Man,

there's no party face here to talk to these people. Father Dick may have been able to get through, but he is dying. Wait. He is dying. Did anybody do anything? No, nobody did anything for Bob. Did you roll the recovery? No, it's still around.

He's going to roll that after he's moved in the initiative order. It's too bad there's nothing anyone can do do How dare you guys so saved your life busy? All right hands are tied. It's so tough who's gonna carry elder the theme it is the Axiom eyes turn that is next to Pepsi. Oh it Has all of its actions it is not hasted it is gonna kill it doesn't has all of its actions. It is not hasted. It is going to kill both. It doesn't have all of its actions. It slowed for a minute. It slowed one for a minute. It slowed two for a minute. It slowed two. Dude, it slowed two. Two of them.

Have you been cheating? No, I took all the slowed off. I thought it was around not a minute. It's a minute. So the one next to Pepsi is slowed too. Yeah, because it is hammer slam. I got one action. Stop yelling. 38. That is a critical draw. Are you making that up because I told you what the ace was?

90 18 plus 20 is a 38 Yeah, that's a crit plus 20 is the number that a stupid shitty fighter has oh my goodness gracious It's a little uncalled for 12 13 23 46 points of bludgeoning damage There's no way this fucking snake is alive. Ouch. And, no, I need a d6 that works. And 12 points of spirit damage! Double ouch. Pepsi lives another day.

Come on! Pepsi lives another day. Oh! Come on! How?! This snake has more hit points than Atticus. My snake is so strong. That has to be true. He's so thick.

He's just like a hearty boy. Snake is just so thick. People see him and they're like, that is a thick fucking snake. I'm like, oh. Yeah, all right. All right. All right. I know. Stop.

He's very close to death, though. He, behind the curtain, eight hit points left. So, great job, Troy. That was in front of the curtain, you told everybody. Oh. Let me explain about the curtain. Eris? Which is curtain.

Eris. Eris, stop fucking around. What's that joke? She hears Atticus say that and she's like, oh my god, okay, I'm sorry, I'm trying to get on my job. And she turns around and she spends an action to retch. Because she's sickened. Oh, I forgot I was sickened. Oh, I forgot you were sickened.

It still would have been a crit. What? You weren't stupefied, you were just sickened. It still would have been a crit. What? You weren't stupefied, you were just sickened. Right. Yeah, I mean it just like. Uh oh. What a 37 have been made. Joe is so worried that he broke the rules. I honestly, I felt my stomach drop out

like I was falling out of an airplane. Did I do? Was I off by a hit point? I can't handle. Like I was falling out of an airplane. I must confess. Yeah, wow. He was off by one point. I'll kill my character.

Anyway, so she spends an action. Atticus kills himself. You would, too. She spends an action to retch, so I can immediately attempt a fortitude save. A fortitude save. Shit! 25. Against the original DC of the thing that made you shits.

That might be a success. Of the effect, yeah. That is a fail. Shit! So she- That's probably really close. She barfs. So you're sticking your finger down your throat?

Is that what you wanna see? She's retching. Is that what you'd like to see? Yeah. She takes her chicken hand. No, no. She takes one of the fingers. No, don't do it. She opens her mouth. No! Kate, don't do it! No. She sticks it down her throat. You're gonna have to subscribe to see that content. You dirty, dirty crowd. For her next two actions, she casts Phase Bolts at the Axiomite to her right.

Spell attack roll. 30. 30 is a hit. Woo! Which one did you attack? The one directly to my right that I did that curse on. Okay. So that is 22 points damage, piercing,

which also means you take an extra 2d6 damage because you're cursed. Yes, bitch. Cursed. So that's an extra 11 points of damage. Oh my gosh, 33. Larry. So, I mean that one took a lot of damage before, is it still up?

It is. For Christ's sake, really? Maybe you should talk to them! We're trying! We are not that kind of party! We tried twice. Are you done? Never. Yeah, I'm done.

Okay, you've killed, alright now now father Dicks got a roll recovery check DC 11 front check. Oh, he's dying one. Dying one. Okay. He's fine. He succeeded took half damage He'll live forever, but he doesn't have a lot of hit points He stabilizes Okay, okay. He's wounded and unconscious. Round three. It is the Axiomites turn to the north-west of Ethel.

This one has three actions. This is really going to separate the men from the boys here. For nine times they've swung a war hammer at a paralyzed man and missed. He slowed too. This one, no, no, this one to the right is slowed too, I think. Yeah, the one to the right. Yeah, the one to the left is slowed one hard area. You said northeast.

Oh, look at this. He said north-weast. You truly don't know the difference between east and west. Look at, look at this. He said north-weast. You truly don't know the difference between east and west. Look at this perfect. No, he said north-weast, that's our thing that we say. Yes, that means north-west. What does that mean, east or west? Oh, I thought you said north-east.

Look at this beautiful straight line I have with Atticus, Aldo, and Suki. Oh no. For a lightning bolt. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Aren't you not paralyzed anymore? I am not paralyzed anymore. Oh!

Reactive strike! Fuck your couch! That provokes. Fuck my couch? It's about to interrupt your shit. Reactive strike. No. No!

Critical, critical you disrupt. Natural one. Oh! Oh! Amazing! Why? I don't know. Let's find another person from Connecticut! Fuck.

Anybody else from E-Von? The pizza capital of the world! Oh my god. Oh my god. This is awful. You came to Boston, got paralyzed, and rolled a natural one. It's not the first time I've been paralyzed in Boston. That's true. I really love a 17-sentence fumble. Michael McCoy from Boston. Are you here tonight? Michael McCoy? Yeah! Wait, is he really? Mikey McCoy? No, he's lying. Take off your shirt!

Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm so angry. I don't want to read all this. It's long. Cut to the chase. I should have just lied. You drop your weapon. Fuck. Yeah. So Michael from Boston. You drop your weapon suddenly finding an irresistible urge to drink. Period. Typical Boston Crips.

Sounds like a pretty nice Saturday. I think if you're not at the show, we don't need your... In a sudden flashback to your college days, you could taste cheap booze on your lips and the chanting of friends and strangers as you toss pong balls into cups. Just roll a fucking save. What kind of save? Was Ethel a party friend? Will save. I think Ethel is coated in nostalgia right now.

Yes, candy coated. Will save. This sucks. Yeah, roll will save. Natural 18. 34. Success. Success. You resist the urge to drink cheap liquor, but you must spend one action per hand

What fuck it's Awful just you drop your weapons Both of them all the success on a success you must spend an action to pick up each weapon Which is the rules of the game because you want to drink Milwaukee's best you dropped Success I dropped two weapons it gets worse on the best. You dropped. On a success, I dropped two weapons. It gets worse on the failure. You just dropped both weapons. Then on a success, you're allowed to pick them up.

On a failure, you're not even allowed to pick them up. Nope. What? It's good he's not here. It's fucking crap. I would like a reflex save by Atticus Aldo and Suki. While I go searching for my D12s. Oh, no. Oh, God. Love a good lightning bolt. I need five D12s. Atticus, his life is in your hands, Bob. His life is in

your hands. His life is in your hands. Fucking natural four, Bob! Fucking natural four. Oh, God. Isn't it so funny, like, Joe rose badly with gifted dice and blames the gifties? Yeah. I rolled natural four, natural one, natural three, natural five. No shit. Alright, so what's your total there, Stinky? Twenty-four. Wait, you rolled nat five and you rolled 24 total? Nat four rolled 24, plus 20 to reflex.

All right, so 24 fail. 29. Success, half damage, and Aldo? 35. Success, half damage. All right, oh my. Oh no, 11, 12, 13, 14. Oh, not bad. I rolled really shitty. Oh, really, really shitty. Oh, that was actually pretty good. 21 points of damage to Atticus and 10 points of damage to

Suki and Aldo. Electricity damage. It is now... Yeah, that's my man right there. it is now yeah that's my man right there it is now Ethel's turn Ethel you have been paralyzed but you had this knowledge all along of what needs to be done here all right here's my question oh boy I would make the argument that if this was a ring that father Dick gave to Elder Luthien, the symbol that is on the ring as per the text of the item would be the symbol of Nephas. Father Dick gave Elder Luthien the ring of acid resistance as in the backstory of their previous relationship. I would wager that Elder Luthien would not wear a ring with the symbol of anything but the symbol of Nethus.

Second argument. Okay, okay. I thought it was a magical porcupine, but I see what you're saying. The magical porcupine comes out of the ring, but the ring is a symbol. I would say that somewhere on that ring is a symbol of Nethus. What do you want to do with that information? Roll an intimidation check while I hold up the ring. Give me that intimidation check. This is gonna be against the Will DC of this character. Yeah.

The power of Nethus compels you! Yeah! 26. And they say, huh? You are followers of Nethis? Yes? How dare you attack us? I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry. Are you fucking kidding me? I told you, I said that! We... oh this is awkward. I hope you know you killed one of the followers of Nethus points at Father Dick Bubbles on the ground. We didn't do that. You did that. You did that. Oh, is he okay? No. He'll be fine. I'm sorry. We're all really sorry. Are we good? Yes.

You, any point, Atticus puts the one right in front of him that was hasted, that is burning from fire damage. Burning alive. And bleeding. And bleeding out. out burning and bleeding it's still burning this is you you still burning a lot still burning there we go yes we will stop this fire if you wish oh please it really hurts what is your name? Gus. So she says Gus. Yep.

Cool. Does that make sense? I am Gus. I was someone's soul long ago, and now I'm just Gus. Tasked with what? Protecting the library in all of its resources. was someone's soul long ago and now I'm just Gus. Tassed with what? Protecting the library and all of its resources. Yes, for 200 years we have served the stewards of the vault but something happened as of late and we found ourselves here and then you walked in

and we just did what we do, which is to protect. But you're supposed to be on the first floor. Yes, we noticed that. This is... Right. Clearly, you did not. This is not where we normally come out, but it has been many, many, many years

since our services were needed, so we just assumed maybe we were moved. Well, where? Maybe there were renovations. Where are we? What is this room? This is a collection from the stewards. We can't read.

You were writing. You were writing. We can write. You can write but you can't read. So you write something like, what the hell was that? Yes, it is our fate. Maybe you should just go back to the first floor and do your job in the place where you're supposed to do your job. We cannot, we are trapped here. We tried to get out, but the hallways are all fucked up. Ah. Yeah. No, we noticed. It's also all fucked up on the first floor.

There were a bunch of hellhound creatures who came out of a mirror. Everything's all fucked up. Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck. Shit, I heal Father Dick Bubbles with my staff for, I do a first level heal, 12 hit points back. Oh! Couldn't we have done that as an aside

at the beginning of next episode? I regret it immediately. Couldn't you have let him die? I regret it immediately. Suki, what the fuck? I just think perhaps. Someone get Elder Lathine off of me. Perhaps he has something to say to the Axiomites,

or maybe there's important information. What? Yes, oh, hello. Oh, you're the Axiomites. We already did all that. I am Father Richard Bubbles, father of the mad god Nethus. I've heard tell of you and your people,

and I'm sorry that something has happened here to leave you trapped on the Cypher Obscura. My friends and I mean you no harm. May we proceed in peace. Go away. And Gus says, yeah. Is there anything useful in this room?

We cannot read. Maybe, can we rest in this room? Perception, yeah, perception check, resting, healing, anything. Yes, yes, you are welcome here. Now that I know that we are all friends and all followers of the beautiful bad god Nethus, you may rest here with us and try to make heads or tails of these scribbles.

Yeah, Atticus would eagerly start looking through the books. Hell, me too. Aloe jumps in. Aerys barfs at the guy's feet. Baaah! Eeeeh! And fails the fortitude save. Fails to barf?

Fails to just keep vomiting on this guy's shoes. Fails. Vomits again. Passes. All right, so after three or four pukes. We all just stand there and watch. You go watching her watch. We're like, oh, we're so confused. We're just stand there and watch. Ew, the apple.

We're so confused. We're just like, what is she doing? Stop. Stop watching me. Aldo and Atticus begin pouring over the tomes here. Come on, give me some juice. They seem to contain a wealth of information on the planes. There's information on the outer planes as well as the inner planes and notes and treatises

on thousands of demiplanes that may or may not exist. The work here details the phenomenon of planar rifts, complex explanations of some of the most common teleportation errors and Catalogs of the types of creatures one could encounter in nearly any plane Beyond the material this is a real like treasure trove of knowledge If only we could read yeah Well we can read. How nice. Are there any books we could take?

Are they like crazy tomes or could we like take any with us? Gus intercedes and says these books belong to the stewards. Though we are friends, the books must remain here. Yes, of course, Suki, we could study them, the books must remain here. Yes, of course, Suki, we can study them, but it is a library. No, of course I understand, but Gus, is it? Yes, and they all look at you, yes. Oh no.

Wait, hold on. They have no individual identity. Are you all named Gus? We are Gus. Yes, but it's spelled differently for each of us. However, we don't know, as we cannot read. Fuck. You guys are fascinating, I really like you guys. Yes.

We four gusses. Gusses. Are a good time. Hotul up. Yes. You have to understand. We are after someone who betrayed the trust of this library,

of you. Yes, they are breaking into the lower levels, the soul. No. Yes. No, you can't go down there. Oh, but get this. It is forbidden, it is forbidden. No, but they did. They did. And they are the ones who fucked it all up. Shit. Yeah, it's... We were supposed to protect it!

Actually, yeah, it's pretty much your fault. Something is going on here. They are searching... I'm certain of it. Well, hold on. Gus? Yes. Focus. Yes. Yes. Yes. They are searching for the Necronomicon. Have you heard of it? No. Yes. One of you said no, and one of you said yes. Yes, I have heard of it. It's a book in the soul. Fuck, you can't read, why did I ask you that? Nevermind, yeah, forget it, anyway.

Did you encounter these guys? No, there were sounds. We heard sounds and all right we just we heal and rest we heal and rest and move on for the love of God. You were so cool and mysterious before you stop talking. It's staggering to me that these NPCs don't know we're doing a show. We uh... We just, we heard sounds. We heard sounds! Jesus Christ.

Either move it along or send us on our way. They're looking for a specific book in a library and they cannot read. Yes, if only we could read. It's fascinating. We can read! Good luck on your adventure. Thank you. Can we hand wave healing and resting? Sure. I can heal everyone. How long do we want to rest? Forever. Oh, all right. Eight hours. All right, bye. See ya. Bye. We go to the next room. We're going to bed now. Okay. God, I love it. Are you going to bed? For eight hours. Are you guys going to sleep

in here with us? Atticus, like, we wake up in the morning. First thing he does, he walks to the door. Let us go. It is time to finish this. What are you doing? The door, it's locked. What? What? You cannot get out. Let me, let me attempt the door knob. Watch what happens when you try to move your pawn through the door. Hold on, let me attempt the door knob.

Yes. Fuck. Did you try attempting the door knob? I'm attempting it right now, it's not working. Ethel grabs the knob. This is the same thing that happened to us when we heard sounds. You gotta give it a little tickle on the other side. Oh.

And it opens. Ah. Oh. I didn't know you were such a good tickler. Ethel can open even the most closed of doors. This is fucking awesome. Bad, unfortunately. Goodbye!

Bye, Gus. Bye, Gus. Bye, Gus. Gus one through four. Best of luck, Axiomites. Yes, I hope we see each other again on the first floor someday. Alright, so you... Southeast?

Northwest, obviously. Northwest. Sort of fool would go to the southeast. Northwest. Alright. Obviously. Northwest. Sort of fool to go to the southeast. Northwest. I open the door. First you have to perceive the door. Oh yeah.

I will attempt to perceive the door. That is a 31. Oh you perceive the shit out of it. I perceive the shit out of this door. And you attempt the door knob and open. Oh! Ooh! Into a room, there's shelves holding thousands of handwritten journals and bound books

contained in just tons of shit. Whoa. All manner of subjects, it seems. Nothing jumps out at you. Sitting on a floor between two of the shelves is a single chest oh treasure open it ooh Ethel wait at the wait at the wait someone should check this for traps He slowly makes his way over. Fine.

There's a cool chest over here. Could be interesting. So, to the north. Oh, that was stupid. Oh, fuck. Wrong chest. So the thing that looks like a chest is not a chest, and the thing that looks like a lamp is a chest? Oh, wait, no. It's where you were. Oh, go back. Everyone, go back. Go back.

I can't see shit Yeah, I gotta get classes go get yourself. Yeah, they just delivered to my house yesterday. I'm not leaving you with them right now 25 20 perception for traps five it is not trapped it appears to be fine And then and then Atticus steps back as far as possible to be fine. And then Atticus steps back as far as possible. Atticus, where are you going? Here's over Ethel's shoulder. I can also check for traps. I'm just also off to the next room. Let's go. I open the chest. What? You open the chest. Right.

And chain lightning explodes into the room, hitting every single one of you. Fuck. With possibly upwards of 8D12 electricity damage, which could be doubled on a critical failure. And we will see you in Portland You guys are the best! Do you like what you hear? Well then it's time to make your membership official. You can start your 30 day free trial today and become an official member of the Naish

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