The Golden Hour - Episode 10: Rocky vs Rambo
Episode Date: February 27, 2019The boys rip on Joe Rogan's drip and talk fashion from the Oscars, sober boning, white face, cholo brows, advice on picking up girls, grenade hoppers, risky biscuits, pets with so...cial media accounts, joke my smoke fan submissions, a special start my heart tribute to the great Brody Stevens and much more.HelloFresh - https://www.hellofresh.com/kats60Robinhood - https://kingsting.robinhood.comLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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back off my broccolini get your life together it is don't touch me bro i'm not touching you dude
of course professional i don't want to hit my buzzer yet but now i have to
been a little sicky poo huh a little sick sick man ioo, huh? A little sicky-sicky? I'm sick, man. I got bronchitis and slipped disc.
Back to back, or is it kind of all came on at once?
It's just that time of year for me, man.
When the Lord kind of tests me, I feel like anything could happen.
Let's see what this little daddy's up to.
Things are going too good for you, and the Lord went,
well, let's not get carried away here.
Try this on for size.
A little bronchitis. Oh, that ain't slowing you down? Let me throw out your back now.
Now look at you. Oh, damn. Oh, you got the black lung too. Oh, I got the hitter, man.
I don't bring that fake shit. A lot of people are like, I have bronchitis, you know, but really
they're just a complete nerd, you know? Yeah. They just have a scratchy throat. Yeah. You don't
have a bronchitis. You go to Harvard. Okay. They just have a scratchy throat. Yeah. You don't have a bronchitis.
You go to Harvard, okay?
That's different.
You have allergies.
Yeah.
But you came to work today with bronchitis.
I got it all, man.
So I got the black lung.
I got the white lung, dude.
I got the mulatto fucking lung, baby.
The brown lung.
I got that brown lung.
That black panther lung.
Oh, yeah.
I got something, man.
I got something hearty.
But you seem healthy, man.
You seem like you're doing pretty healthy.
I mean, I'm, you know, normal.
Normal health.
Really?
Not like, you know, just normal health.
What about after that hit of weed you had last week, man?
That was pretty high.
Were you?
Yeah.
Really high.
Really?
Really high.
I don't know where Rogan gets his weed from.
Dude, I know where, bro.
Probably Saturn.
Or Uncle Joey growing it himself.
Yeah.
That stuff's too strong for an amateur like me, but I'm glad you came sick and all.
I know the listeners are.
Let's hit this.
Let's get into this.
Let's get into it, King of the Sting.
All right, first segment is Debate Club.
And a reminder, you can send all your submissions
to king of the sting at gmail.com include the segment title in the subject and uh it helps us
out if you type out whatever this subject is uh so first one comes in from fat tony oh fat tony
tony what up what's up boys skinny tony from bellingham washington tony i got one for the
debate club uh if you're out trying to pick up some chicks, do you do better flying solo
or are you doing better with the wingman?
Let me know, boys.
Gang, gang.
Gang, gang, boy.
You already hit that gang, gang, not that buzz, buzz, dude.
You heard that.
Thank you, Tony.
Respect.
I'm not mad at his pink hair either.
That hair was dope.
The way he looks, he might be a good wingman.
Yeah, because Tony's got that flash.
dope though the way he looks he might be a good wingman yeah because tony's got that flesh like if you are a if you're a wasp you know like brendan then you have to take a lightning bug
with you as a wingman you know you can't bring the same thing you are as a wingman i don't preach i
agree you need to separate it like you and i roll up you look like a wet rat i look like this big
old chubby bee yeah the girl's like do do I like bees or do I like rats?
Well, now you got both.
Also, you don't want to go down that journey.
Let's say there's some smoke show at the bar.
You don't want to just approach it yourself.
Everything's fun with the homies.
The homies can't have none.
What are we doing?
Okay, so you're saying that going solo isn't a good idea.
Nah, I think it's funner when you and your friends can share the experience
because who are you going to tell? You know what I'm saying? Oh, that's true. Solo isn't a good idea. Nah, I think it's funner when you and your friends can share the experience.
Because who are you going to tell?
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, that's true.
If we experience it together, we Chinese finger cuff a girl, it's fun, dude.
It's fun for both of us.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Don't be selfish.
Yeah.
I like a woman, yeah, if she's fitting like that mitten.
You know what I'm saying, man?
And I'll say this, that solo, who goes solo to meet women?
Ted Bundy.
Yeah.
You want to be Ted Bundy?
Yeah.
Or you want to be a good guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A guy who's out there by himself. This is a guy who got dressed by himself. Think
about this, a man getting dressed by himself. Oh, I'm going to go out and meet a woman.
If he's a wise fella, he pops a few milligrams of cialis or just takes a bite off
of one of the larger 50 milligram ones and uh and he's out there he's mildly erect pushing that
roofie too maybe maybe depending in la i don't know dude if you're look if you're picking up
you know these bootleg dickheaders from india off the internet you know then you'll probably throw
have you know they'll throw in a few roofies dude if, if you just ask them. It's a good time.
I mean, it is what it is, you know.
I think it's more of a family reunion drug, you know.
If you ever had to spend time around your family, a roofie could really.
You just go through it, out-of-body experience.
Yeah.
I don't want to go through this life alone.
I want to share it with someone.
So if there's a bad bitch at the bar, I'm going to be like, yo, Theo, I just do this.
Let's go.
We do it together.
Yeah.
Like bebop and rock study.
Like the guys who fucked up Jesse Smollett or whatever.
Like they didn't want to do it.
Think if you were alone during that whole thing.
Think if you were like, what am I doing?
But if you've got a partner, you're like, what are we doing?
He's like, dude, we're staging an attack.
This can be dope.
You're like, you're right.
Like we'd talk each other into it.
Yeah, yeah, you've got a partner. Now that's a good thing, yeah, talking can be dope. You're like, you're right. Like, we talk each other into it. Yeah, yeah. You got to partner.
Now, that's a good thing.
Yeah, talking somebody into it.
Because otherwise, that's, I think, the primary value of a wingman is their value to help
coerce you in the direction of being confident.
Almost like an offensive coordinator.
Yeah.
We're fucking.
I'm like, yo, Theo.
Get in there.
Put a thumb in that ass.
Yeah.
You know?
And you're like, yeah.
What?
Dude, what you're doing sounds very much like a crime.
What I'm talking about is two nice guys.
Maybe they just got out of cotillion class or something nice.
You know, they just saw a matinee.
I'm talking about two kind of guys.
You're talking about two gay guys.
No, I'm not, bro.
Yeah, that's what you're referring to.
I'm talking about two nice.
You're trying to go to a matinee with me?
Local.
And go to dinner? What? You're trying to fuck, bro. I'm not into that, man. I're referring to. I'm talking about two nice. You're trying to go to a matinee with me? Local. And go to dinner?
What?
You're trying to fuck, bro.
I'm not into that, man.
I'm trying.
Two local gay dudes.
What?
That's what's happening.
I'm trying to meet a woman, bro.
No, you're not.
If you're taking me to a matinee and a dinner, no woman's going to be like, oh, they seem
cool.
No, yeah, they are.
Oh, bro.
There's good women out there who want to see men that have just come out of matinees.
And those are the types of guys that I'm talking about, you know?
Because also, you can't be that guy if you're trying to meet women.
You can't be like a Dave and Buster's by yourself.
No.
If there's kids around, don't be by yourself.
Yeah, you're shooting hoops.
You're just walking around with a handful of fucking wet tickets when you're so nervous to talk to a woman.
Dude, it's also creepy to go to a bar by yourself, though.
Like, everyone goes to bars with friends unless you're an alcoholic or you're Ted Bundy.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you can't just roll to a bar by yourself, like, whiskey on the rocks, huh?
You have no friends who come with you.
Or you're a trucker.
Now, truckers.
That's a lonely life.
That's a lonely life.
Unless you got a sidekick.
Unless you got that lounge lizard that's just always there to relieve. Yeah. Or unless you got a lonely life. Unless you got a sidekick. Unless you got that lounge lizard that's always there to relieve.
Yeah.
Or unless you got a little buddy.
Unless you got an autistic son or something that you're wheeling back and forth across the country with you.
And so I think, but any way you slice it, I think doing something with someone is better than doing something without someone.
Agree.
So is this debate club?
Yes, it is.
Let's check out the results.
So we need wingmen.
Also, before you move on, you need a a grenade hopper let's say we're at
dave and buster's okay and we're having a few cocktails maybe we've got the chicken platter
we're having a grand old time yeah we got the the cookie sandwich right and then there's just
this smoke show i'm like damn look at her deal but then her big ugly friends next to her yeah
like bro you know you're down down with that. Big Natalie.
Big Natalie is over there.
She just has warts all hanging off her face.
I'm like, bro, you gotta take one
for the team. That's what being a real friend is
about. And I'd be like, alright, man,
let me get over there. At least distract her.
But how I do is, well, unfortunately
what happens with me a lot of times, I'm so nice
to Natalie that then the other one
falls in love with me.
That's a good problem to have, though.
And then you're a nice guy.
And then you and Natalie having a family somewhere off the interstate.
Or it's the three of you, and you just get the best of all the world if you're into that.
No, you and Natalie move away, and me and that girl spend that time.
Yeah, you live that ugly life.
No.
What did the fans say?
62% agree, Wingman is the way to go. Yeah, bro. Solo's the Ted Bundy vibes. Yeah, Solo's that Ted Bund. No. What'd the fans say? 62% agree. Wingman is the way to go.
Yeah, bro.
Solo's the Ted Bundy vibes.
Yeah, Solo's that Ted Bundy vibe.
So I'm going to say,
look here, lightning bug.
I appreciate it, gang gang man.
And it seems like wingman
is what you want to do.
Hells yeah.
Be my wingman, lightning.
What else we got?
Next up, we got an entry from Deanna.
Brendan, Theo, hey.
It's Deanna from Rhode Island,
and I got a debate for you.
Rocky or Rambo?
Me personally, I say Rocky.
Rocky IV has got the greatest train montages of all time.
Let me know what you guys think, okay?
Bang, bang.
Theo, I'll see you March 7th at the Chevalier Theater.
Love you guys.
Rocking them titties.
Gang, gang.
And I'll see you March 7th at the Chevalier Theater,
as you mentioned.
And that's not sold out yet.
And that's in Boston.
Austin?
Boston.
Gotcha.
Rocky or?
Rambo.
Both Stallone classics.
It's the same guy, isn't it?
But one has boxing mitts on.
The other has AK-47.
Is it the same guy?
It's the same movie, same guy, same director, same writer.
Different lisp, though.
He has a different lisp, I feel like, in Rambo than he does in Rocky.
I would say if you're going to drug test the man, in Rambo, he's on more steroids.
Okay, he's probably on something.
He is jacked.
Winstraw.
I've seen the newest one.
Oh, that's Winstraw.
Deco, Winstraw, the whole Gold's Gym vibe.
Okay, yeah.
Whatever.
He's on that Gold's Gym stack.
Also, here's the other thing that bothers me about Rocky that fucking the great Bill Burr pointed out.
That motherfucker has a statue in Philly based off a fictional character, boxing character.
Beautiful.
There's way better boxers, real boxers, that don't have a statue in Philly.
I don't know if there's better boxers.
He didn't have as many opportunities as some of these other boxers because he was white.
At the time, boxing had become a completely black sport.
You know?
And first of all, Rocky, though, the guy, I mean, the movies, I don't think, do justice to the fighter.
I mean, the movies, he fought the same black guy three times.
He fought that German guy who couldn't even talk.
The old Russian, yeah.
Yeah.
That guy.
Who was that guy?
Ivan Drago.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's not even a name.
That's a couple of sounds in a row.
And so he fought that guy, you know.
Rambo served in Vietnam.
John Rambo served in Viet fucking Nam, brother.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You're fucking welcome.
How is this a debate?
Yeah.
Did a terrorist send this in?
John Rambo, bro, did steroids and bought a gun. And a knife. Yeah, and a terrorist send this in? John Rambo, bro, did steroids and bought a gun.
And a knife.
Yeah, and a knife.
And a fucking sword, basically.
Yeah.
Dude, that's brave, bro.
I've been on steroids.
You think I'm buying guns, dude?
No, I'm hitting the gym, bro.
Like a layman.
Not Rambo.
He's fighting for your freedom.
Yeah.
This is Rambo all fucking day.
Dude, most of us do steroids to go to the gym. He does steroids to go to war. Dude, he does steroids to for your freedom. Yeah. This is Rambo all fucking day. Dude, most of us do steroids to go to the gym.
He does steroids to go to war.
Dude, he does steroids to defend your freedom.
What do they say?
The audience says 64% says Rocky.
Get the fuck out of here. Now, Rocky Dennis, okay, if you're going to say Rocky Dennis from that movie M-A-S-K, Mask, have you seen that movie?
Can we pull up a picture of Rocky Dennis?
From the movie Mask?
Yeah.
Which one?
Are we talking about the one with Whoopi Goldberg where the dude has the peanut head?
Not the Mask.
I'm talking about Rocky Dennis.
Now, if we're talking about Rocky versus Rambo, then I'm –
That's a real dude, right?
Yeah.
That's a real dude, man.
That's Rocky Dennis.
Dude, you do not want to be in a headbutt contest with that guy.
Oh, you would lose it.
Oh, look.
I've met the headbutton champion of the
world. That ain't him, but that guy could be second or
third place. That guy could wear that silver medallion.
And I'll say this. Now, Rocky
versus Rambo, this dude has a way
bigger heart, I think, than John Rambo.
So if we're talking... Is his first name
Rocky? Rocky Dennis, yeah. Damn, look at
Rocky Dennis. Is he still alive? No way.
He passed away. Yeah, for sure.
But he... That's He passed away. Yeah, for sure. But he.
That's crazy, bro.
Yeah.
And he almost, I used to joke, he looks like Amy Schumer a little bit.
But Rocky Dennis, if you go Rocky Dennis versus Rambo, then on that one, I'm going to go with
Rocky Dennis.
We do Rocky Dennis all day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Rambo over Rocky, the fighter.
And for me, Rocky Dennis over Ram do Rocky Dennis all day. Yeah. So Rambo over Rocky, the fighter. And for me,
Rocky Dennis over Rambo,
the Vietnam veteran.
I'd co-sign that.
All right.
Number three,
we've got from
Summer Lynn.
Hey, Brendan.
Hey, Theo.
Okay, question.
Why is she whispering?
Girls at the gym,
the ones that walk in looking gorgeous with full makeup and don't break a sweat,
or the girls that get in there and get dirty, drip and sweat off their nose, drenched when they leave?
Which one's your choice?
Damn, Buzz Buzz, old bird.
Buzz Bud, oldie bird.
That was Buzz Buzz at the end. Buzz Bud, silver foxy.
Did you hear that flush?
She also flushed the toilet.
Is she really at the end?
Let's hear that again.
We don't know if it's a shitty.
It looks like a number one.
No, she's straining.
Hold on.
Oh, no, she's straining, bro.
Dropping that deucer.
Nobody's straining.
There's nothing wrong with that.
She went like this.
Hold on, let's replay that one more.
Buzz Bud.
Hey, Brendan.
Hey, Theo. Okay, question. See how she went like this. She went like this. Let's reach it out buzz but Hey Brendan. Hey Theo. Okay question
See how she went like this she went
Play the last 10 seconds give us a little bit of a hey Brendan. Hey Theo
There and get dirty and dripping sweat. I'm not dirty dripping sweat getting nitty-gritty. Which one's your choice?
See that?
See this?
That's dropping that deucer, dude. She had that closer, bro.
She's that Jose Sandoval, bro.
She's that closer, bro. That's that Jonathan
Papelbon right there when you hit him with that
closer at the end, bro.
When you pinch that fucking lynch, bro.
When that thing's hanging and you fucking cut it. Enter the Sandman. Wow, dude. Mariano Rivera, baby. When you pinch that fucking linch, bro, when that thing's hanging and you fucking cut it.
Enter the Sandman.
Wow, dude.
Exit light right there.
Dude, she, the question was, so obviously she likes the nitty gritty girls who get down.
Listen, I don't want my girl deadlifting 400 pounds coming home with those fucking cow's hands jacking off my dick.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, think about that stuff, man.
cows hands jacking off my dick.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to think about that stuff, man.
I don't mind the girl who's hot as fuck and just stares at everyone else while they're doing work with the blonde ass.
I mean, look, I'm never-
You got to think about it.
You don't want chalk all over your dick.
You don't want chalk on your back, your hair.
I wouldn't mind chalk on my back or hair, but I don't want someone just, yeah, I don't
want anybody jerking me off besides me, first of all.
I don't care if it's my wife or anybody.
Hand jobs do suck.
Yeah, nobody's jerking me off.
Dude, I'm an adult.
Dude, but now imagine that your dick's basically the fucking gym bar.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And she has those calluses on your hand.
Oh, yeah, I don't want that.
I don't want some girl who's going to try to, you know, just rip my dick off on accident at the house.
You don't want her to power clean your nuts.
try to just rip my dick off on accident at the house.
You don't want her to power clean your nuts.
I'll take that.
Look, for me, I'll go with that.
I'll take that Drippy Tiffany over that Fancy Nancy any day of the week, bro.
Oh, really?
Drippy Tiffany?
I'll take Drippy Tiffany over Fancy Nancy because at least Drippy Tiffany's out there putting in work.
She's a real woman.
Is she, though?
There was this chick that used to always brag about banging Dane Cook, actually, all the
time, and she was always at the gym.
And she never busted a sweat, man.
And she seemed like a real bitch.
Did she look good, though?
Huh?
Did she look good, though?
She looked good.
Here's when she looked good.
She looked good the first year I saw her.
But after that, when I realized that, you know, she started to look more like just a real, just unhappy girl.
You know, like this was her whole life, you know?
Hanging out at the gym talking about fucking Dane Cook?
Yeah.
That ain't the way to go, bitch.
Yeah.
So I like that.
I like a little, I like a girl that has a foreign accent, too.
You can't even understand them.
That's what I like.
In the gym?
Yeah.
And outside.
Probably in PDs.
Yeah.
Maybe they're shooting it straight into their tongue.
I don't care, you know?
I don't want that girl, though, that has, like, hair on her back and I got to shave her back. Yeah, I don're shooting it straight into their tongue. I don't care. I don't want that girl, though, that has hair on her back and I've got to shave her back.
Yeah, I don't want that.
I also don't want the girl who's way more shredded than I am.
We can see the veins in her arm, her neck.
She has that dick root down her pussy.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, and her vagina just wants to thumb wrestle.
It doesn't even want you to touch it.
A lot of vaginas.
Yeah, it looks like they're trying to hand you something.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't want that, dude.
I don't want that.
Like they're handing out fanflits, you know?
I don't want that.
I'll probably take the girl.
There's a happy medium there, but for this,
I will say the girl that looks hot but doesn't do shit.
Yeah, I'll take Drippy Tiffany over Prancy Nancy any day of the week.
And 75% of the audience agrees, Drippy Tiffany.
Damn, the audience and I just aren't seeing eye to eye.
Go ahead and get you that girl with the dick in the front with calcified hands.
What?
You just voted for her, too.
No, I didn't.
You went for Prancy Nancy?
I went for Big Titty Becky in the back.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
You went for the pretty one?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. Who's just eye fucking everywhere. Ordering for the pretty one? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah.
He's just eye fucking everywhere.
Ordering shakes.
Yeah, just thirsty as fuck for dick
and just in that room
like looking around.
I want that.
All right.
And then they have the headphones on.
You can see them from all the way.
Oh, that's the worst.
They have the Beats by Dre on.
Oh.
And then their hair's all perfect
and they have the Lululemon on.
That ass is just
doo-doo-doo-doos.
I like that shit.
Beaten by Dre.
A lot of those women are probably
escorts who were actually beaten
by a rapper
and are actually just, you know, their only
job is to work out during the daytime. Or bought by
Kraft. Yeah. Kraft would jack you
off. Amen, brother. Alright, last
one for Debate Club.
Alright, Theo, Brandon,
question for y'all.
Dre, I'm gonna make a million dollars a year
and hate your fucking job
and make $40,000 a year
and love what you do?
Vaping.
Gang, gang, baby.
Vape, vape, baby.
Vape, vape, boy.
You see that, son?
You can do both, Vape King. You can do both. You can do what you love. That's a vape King. You can do both, Vape King.
You can do both.
You can do what you love.
That's a vape dad.
And make a million dollars.
You don't have to pick one.
Bro, that guy's not even, first of all, he's in the passenger seat of a car.
Not even his car.
That's a Corolla.
That's a Toyota Corolla.
He's in the passenger seat.
Things might be tough for him right now.
That's what's going on there.
He's going hard.
It's middle of the night.
And he wants to know what's up on there. He's going hard. It's the middle of the night. And he wants to know
what's up from King and the Sting there.
So you say, I would much
rather make 40 grand doing what I love
than a million fucking hating life.
Because you're going to be depressed. You're not going to be able to spend
that money. Yeah, that's
a good point. I think... But you don't have
to choose is my
thing here. You don't have to... You can make
a million a year what
you do doing what you love. Yeah. There is that. Yeah. I think, I mean, for my own instances,
man, I probably made, I made $40,000 a year for probably the first 14 years of doing stand
up. And that's being generous. Yeah. And that's probably being generous. My first year, you made $7.
Dude, I had $27,000 in credit card debt up until about four years ago.
And then I started paying it off because I started making better money.
But yeah, on average, man, I would say I made probably $36,000.
So I think maybe what you love could turn into something that could be that million-dollar deal.
But I mean, what are you doing?
I mean, what is that million?
Are you doing something dirty?
Are you selling gold to people?
Them blood diamonds.
Yeah, are you selling blood diamonds?
Selling humans like Robert Kraft to get your money.
Yeah, what are you doing, man?
You caught up in the dark arts for that million?
Yeah, I don't want to be in the dark. Are you in that? Yeah. What are you doing, man? You caught up in the dark arts for that million? Yeah.
I don't want to be in the dark.
I don't want that stress.
Like, if you put me in the Hell's Angels, pay me a million dollars, and just stressed
out all the goddamn time, I don't need that in my life, man.
Yeah.
I'd rather make $40,000 living the dream.
But it'd be hard to be stressed on one of those motorbikes.
You get a motorbike if you're in there.
Dude, you get a motorbike, but you got to fucking collect fucking Billy G's money for
him.
You know? And that's a badass.
You got to flex on people and collect money.
Dude, I could see you doing that.
No, not for me.
Really?
No, because I'm too nice of a person.
So if I went to the house and he's like, no, please, I have kids, man.
I have to pay for daycare.
I'm like, all right, fuck it, man.
I'll come back next week.
And I can't do that.
The hell's angels don't work like that.
That's true.
Yeah, you have to really, because yeah, you have to kill that person or something.
At least chop his pinky up.
Yeah.
Not for me, bro.
Yeah.
His question was, oh, so I'd much rather, if it's black and white,
I'd rather make $40,000 a year doing something I love.
Yeah, and I think I would go with that, too.
A million and sad working in a goddamn cubicle or slinging fucking fleshlights.
53% say they would have took the million dollars doing something they hate,
maybe spending it on their free time, I guess.
Now you're working 70 hours a week making a million?
What are we doing here?
There's a lot that goes into that.
I mean, and I guess you could try to do both, maybe.
You can do both.
Best thing.
You know, you could do it,
but then are you going to get acclimated to having that million?
And once you get to 40,000,
you're not going to be,
you're going to then be uncomfortable because you got acclimated,
you know?
Well,
I don't think there's an acclimated to having little blankets and
everything.
Yeah.
I don't think they were saying you're making a million.
Now you get a switch and make,
be happy and get 40.
Right.
You can go down to the past. Like you're just normally can go this way there's a lot that goes into it yeah you don't
want to end up like that man from um simpsons an animation show where they have um talking about
flanders no that millionaire man oh mr burns yes or scrooge mcduck for that matter yeah scrooge
mcduck you know he don't have any children of his own he has his nephews you never know who their Yes. Or Scrooge McDuck, for that matter. Yeah, Scrooge McDuck.
You know, he don't have any children of his own.
He has his nephews.
You never know who their mother is.
The family seems out of sorts.
They're all fucking up his coins and his house.
You have to wear a top hat.
Oh, God.
What else?
All right, that does it for Debate Club this week.
Moving on to Rip My Drip.
And this first one, I believe it was actually a photo taken by Brendan.
It's a friend of your guys'.
Mr. Joe Rogan at the Hollywood Improv.
So he showed up in this thing, but to Joe's credit, he's coming from a 90s party.
He's coming from a 90s party, theme party.
Where, in New Jersey?
I don't know, but he looks like a member of Khabib's training camp.
Oh, that's a good call.
Straight out of Khabib's camp camp. Oh, that's a good call.
Straight off Khabib's camp.
He looks like Pit Bulls.
It looks like one of B.J. Armstrong's warm-up jerseys. He looks like Pit Bulls.
He looks like he's straight off the set of Royal Tannenbaums.
But he's Ben Stiller's steroid brother.
That's bro-jogging right there, bro.
He looks like he'll sell you the best Winstrel at Gold's Jam.
He does.
It's like he has syringes in his fanny pack.
He looks like he'll literally pop three of them in you at the moment
and just see which one kind of acclimates to your skin the best.
Yeah, it definitely seems.
He looks like the guy you go to if you want to pass the drug test.
On the street, they call him Mr. Pico.
He definitely seems like that school bus driver that's just driving everybody straight to the gym even if they want to go home
yeah like your after school activities are the gym with him but that's it yeah it looks like
whenever you see him he asks how many push-ups you can do. Dude, in the fanny pack, he has extra triceps in the fanny pack.
Yeah, it's definitely a rare uniform for him.
I've never seen him in that uniform.
Yeah, I mean, it's just not his style.
It was hilarious, though.
He had matching red shoes on.
It was hilarious.
I couldn't stop laughing.
What party was it?
Did he reference it during a set?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
He told everyone what was going on.
What party was it? Then he crushed the crowd. set? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He told everyone what was going on. What party was it?
Then he crushed the crowd.
What?
Then he went to a 90s party.
It was a 90s theme party with his wife, and she dressed up in the 90s.
Dude, R.I.P.
Billy Conforto.
I went to a crawfish boil one time with Billy Conforto, and he was from the West Bank in
New Orleans, which is basically like a little bit of New Jersey right on the edge of New
Orleans in the swamp.
Okay, word.
which is basically like a little bit of New Jersey right on the edge of New Orleans in the swamp.
And they had a whole family of four, and they were all wearing these at the party together.
Royal Tannenbaum style.
Yeah, and it was not like a joke.
It was like, oh, we all got this.
Oh, that's kind of dope.
We got this status.
Yeah, they had two kids and the wife and husband. It's always weird when the family's all dressed up as the same.
Yeah.
It's always a weird vibe.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, it's kind of, it has that Stockholm Syndrome-y kind of thing.
It just gives me bad vibes.
Yeah, or, I mean, what if that's the ultimate sign of teamwork, man?
Yeah, you might be right.
Maybe I'm just not a good team player.
No, I mean, I'm just trying to think of it a different way.
Well, you know, my problem is I had twins growing up.
The names were Raymond and Adam, and they were twins,
and that's why I hate twins to this day.
Because we didn't get along with them.
You had twin brothers?
No.
They're my cousins, but they're our arch nemesis.
Oh, yeah.
My brother hated them.
Well, they're twins.
We'd fight on the spot.
Yes.
Whatever we saw them.
My brother would go, you better get ready.
I'm like, all right, motherfucker.
So their name was Raymond and Adam.
So we'd fight to the death, basically.
Oh, yeah.
But they would always dress the same.
Always.
And then when we'd be fucking them up, they'd be like, you better not get grass stains on
my shirt.
I'd be like, shut the fuck up.
Fuck up.
Yeah.
Raymond and Adam.
Better not see them either, Raymond and Adam.
Better not see them on the streets today.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Raymond and Adam, you motherfuckers.
Dress the same.
Dress the same.
Who are you?
Joe looks swaggy, though.
I liked it. It was hilarious. I mean, look, it's still Joe Rogan under the same. Dressed the same. Who are you? Joe looks swaggy, though. I like that.
It's hilarious.
I mean, look.
It's still Joe Rogan under the outfit, so, you know, you got to say.
I thought it was dope.
And with the fanny pack.
Then why did you post him up for Rip My Drip, then?
Well, because it's dope.
You don't see him in it.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, sometimes Rip My Drip, you don't have to.
The rip doesn't have to be too bad.
Yeah.
He looks like the toughest member of Khabib's team.
He does.
And why was it Halloween?
It's not even Halloween though.
What were they dressing up for?
I don't know.
90s party.
That's how they roll.
You know, sometimes they do not, there's themes.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
What else do we got?
Next up, we got a fan submission for Rip My Drip.
He just turned 24 on Sunday.
This is Mark Rivera.
Hold up. You say 24 on Sunday. This is Mark Rivera. Hold up.
You say 24?
41.
Okay.
Okay.
On the 24th.
Damn it.
Man.
Well, is he sleeping in that little box behind him?
Yeah, is that his crib?
That's the part that's alarming me.
Can we zoom in on that, actually, please?
At least his legs don't bow in.
Yeah.
Well, dude, it's that downhill skier stance.
He's that bunny sloper, baby. He might
be on the moguls right now.
Maybe he's sleeping in a little box.
He's on the moguls of life, really.
He's on those life moguls. What's his name, Amos?
Mark. Mark.
What up, Mark? What up, Mark?
Look at the bootcut jeans.
Those are the bootiest bootcut jeans.
Boots with the fur.
Whole club looking at Mark.
He looks like that redneck, big pun in the Terror Squad member.
Oh, yeah, dude.
He looks like Medium Joe.
Yeah, Mark is definitely, look, I like it.
He's got that newsy kind of vibe.
If you've ever seen the newsies, he's got that Newsies cap on.
He's got that Henry Winkler.
He looks like the guy who can get you anything in prison.
You know what I'm saying?
He looks like he's your go-to guy when you first get to prison.
Like, you gotta run shit by him.
Like, Brooks is here, boy.
He looks friendly as fuck.
Now, his place is a hot mess.
That one-bedroom apartment that he, his place is a hot mess.
That one-bedroom apartment that he lives in is a hot mess.
Looks a little out of order.
You think, man? What's back there?
What's on the cage right there?
What's on there?
Looks like we got a toothbrush not used, an air freshener.
Toilet paper roll.
Toilet paper.
Hell, yeah.
Boy, there might be a human in there. That's all human
stuff. That's what I'm saying. He rests
in that little
domicile. Oh, dude, he's like the Gimp
from Pulp Fiction, but out of his
costume. Yeah.
I mean, look, man, those jeans. He's got that
bunny slope kind of...
He likes to... He's that downhill
jean boy. It looks like he's kind of
got that downhill slide going.
Look, he also has that sort of 1950s –
I don't get a 1950 vibe from him.
I get that he's going to – fuck, dude.
He looks like he knows the best restaurants in L.A.
Yes.
Like he makes a list for the most authentic food in L.A.
Yeah.
He's tried 10,000 restaurants that made a list for you.
Yeah.
Mark looks like a real list maker, you know?
He looks like he takes pictures of all his meals.
Yeah.
He looks like the best, like he knows exactly where to get some good paint.
Yeah.
He looks like the friendliest taxi driver in the world.
Yeah.
It looks like he has a friend that's a taxidermist, but he forgives him for doing it.
That belt goes hard in the paint, too.
That belt is doing work.
Oh, that belt is...
That belt's like this.
Yeah, that belt is...
Happy birthday to that belt.
Is it his birthday, too, he said?
Oh, it's his birthday?
Happy birthday, brother.
Yeah, man.
That belt is zvelt, baby.
Dude, go get yourself a full fucking pie from your favorite spot and just do work, man.
I say, look, enjoy yourself.
It's your birthday, baby boy.
You look healthy.
Looks like a fudge sundae.
Yep.
You look like about maybe 5'11".
I can't tell.
He looks like he's thinking he'd be fudge, right?
You know fudge?
Fudge!
You know fudge, boy.
Are you trying to eat in LA?
Go hit up fudge. Hit up fudge, man. He you trying to eat in L.A.? Go hit up fudge.
Hit up fudge, man.
He knows all the fudges, man.
And he got that paint.
Fudge might have a boyfriend.
What else we got?
Next up from the Oscars this past weekend, this is Billy Porter.
This is that men's warehouse finance, baby.
This is Amelia Brodelia, he looks like.
God dog.
Jesus Christmas, man.
Rogerella. This looks like Tim God, duh. Jesus Christmas, man. Rogerella.
This looks like Tim Burton's little chocolate side piece.
This looks like Tim Burton's nightmare.
Yeah.
I mean, this is obviously just a reach for attention, but also it's the Oscars.
So, you know, people dress glam and they do this sort of deal.
You know, I want to know who he's got holding that thing up from the inside.
His man? Probably, yeah. His side piece? Hey who he's got holding that thing up from the inside. His man?
Probably, yeah.
His side piece?
Probably.
Hey, bitch, got a job for you.
Couple twinks down there.
Couple twinky twinks.
The one, two twinks down there.
Poppin' Zantz.
Damn, pops you at the black lung, huh?
Yeah.
He looks like the black lung if you look like him.
He looks like...
Dude, he looks like... He's wearing the black lung if you look like him he looks like the black lung
around his waist
he looks like the bad
fucking villain from
Little Mermaid
Ursula
he looks like a Mr. Ursula
yeah he does he looks like Mr. Ursula
watch him get cast in the next
he looks like the BET Mary Poppins
he looks like the BET version of Mary Poppins.
Listen, here's the thing, though.
Women can wear men's suits, and we don't
say shit. So homeboy's like, cool
move, peep this out. I want a
tuxedo with a dress attached to it.
Yeah. And he gets all this attention.
And also, man, I mean, young
black men have gotten,
they're a lot different than black men that I grew up with.
How so? They're just, they're softer, you know?
Like you'll hear, a black friend of mine the other day out here said he was feeling dizzy.
Oh, God.
I'm like, what?
You feeling dizzy, bro?
That's a white disease, man.
God.
What's next?
You just, you're not sure how things are going?
You know?
What's next, man?
Yeah, when does it stop?
You can't gangbang because your phone ain't charged?
When does it stop?
But Billy Porter also, this is what he does.
I think, isn't he's kind of a flamboyant man?
Is that true?
He's a logo for all gay people.
Yeah.
Like, white basketball players have Jerry West.
Black gay guys have him.
Yeah, he's a gay man, isn't he?
Yes, for 5,000 hours.
Okay, okay.
So I'm just saying, yeah, if this were a straight man that were doing this,
I think it would be more outlandish.
It would be more powerful if a straight man did this.
Yeah.
And look, man, I don't, look, throw on a skirt every now and then.
Shit, go ahead and cut off your jeans,
turn on some jorts, have your ass cheeks hanging out the bag,
nuts in the front.
Dude, mail your dick to Siam.
Do whatever you want to do.
If you want.
But I think for what he went for to make a big splash.
We're talking about it.
We're talking about it. Everybody was.
There you go.
He did the right thing.
But yeah, for me, it has that Amelia Brodelia kind of vibe. It has
that sort of...
It's like a
kind of a butler-y, but also
a... He looks like the gayest vampire
in the world. Yeah.
Like he'll bite you, but only if he knows
what... If your blood
is like...
If it's organic. Yeah.
If it's gluten-free. Yeah. If it's gluten-free.
Yeah.
Like what you've had recently to eat.
He's going to ask you to diet?
Yeah.
He looks like a very specific vampire.
He looks like a picky vampire.
Yes.
That's what he looks like.
Like a picky vampire.
Way to go, Billy Porter.
You achieved your goals there, man.
Nice outfit.
What else we got?
That does it for this week's Rip My Drip.
Next up, our newest segment, Relationship Nice outfit. What else we got? That does it for this week's Rip My Drip. Next up,
our newest segment, Relationship Advice.
Send these in. We
want to solve your guys' problems.
The first one is from... And where can they send it in at, Nick?
Kingofthesting at gmail.com.
Put relationship advice in the subject
line. Get it. What you got? Because who doesn't
need relationship from us, man?
We'll drop that knowledge on them.
Yeah. Look, nobody... Yeah. I mean, we're fucked, so we'll share. from us man you know oh we dropped that knowledge on them yeah look nobody uh yeah we uh i mean
we're fucked so we'll share yeah so don't get fucked yeah we've been fucked yeah the first
one comes from larkayla out of indiana oh what's up girl gang gang it's your girl larkayla from
indiana yes i have bad teeth but it's because I grew up poor. I need your relationship advice.
Every time I've talked to a guy and things have gone pretty well, in my opinion, my ass gets kicked right into the bro zone.
And so I asked this previous asshole what the hell the deal was, and he said that I am too funny.
So I want to know, is it even possible for a girl to be too funny, to be attractive, or dating material?
And if so, rest in peace me.
I am totally screwed.
Bye.
Rest in peace me.
Well, I like her.
I want her as a friend right now.
I want to put her in my pocket as a friend, take her out when I need to talk to somebody.
Do I have sex with her?
No.
But some people just give off that vibe.
She gives off that teddy bear vibe. Like as a kid, I took my talk to somebody. Do I have sex with her? No. But some people just give off that vibe.
She gives off that teddy bear vibe.
Like as a kid, I took my teddy bear everywhere.
What's her name?
Larkayla.
I'd take Larkayla everywhere.
Yes.
First of all, shocked Larkayla was white,
just like everybody else was.
Thank you, Larkayla, for emailing in.
That's a good point.
Larkayla, it doesn't sound like your typical white girl.
Yeah, so you're baiting,
switching with the name, Larkayla.
I want to let you know that up front.
Yeah, honeydicking.
I think, yeah,
sometimes if a girl is too funny,
it's tougher for a guy.
If he's insecure, though, right? Because are you the one
cracking jokes nonstop
so the guy's exhausted? He's like, okay, very cool, but are you the one cracking jokes nonstop?
So the guy's exhausted and he's like,
okay, very cool, man.
Right.
Trying to play my video game.
Shut the fuck up, Jerry Seinfeld.
That's a good point
because that's a problem
for men as well.
Like, you know,
if you're all,
like growing up,
I used to always just be
cracking jokes all the time
and it was,
and I never had any dates,
you know?
But do you feel like
at family function
when you're around
your group of friends
who aren't comedians,
they try to crack jokes all the time?
Or that's a bit right there.
I'm like, very cool.
Thank you.
Yeah, sometimes they will.
I'm just trying to think of how if you're the one cracking jokes, I think it's tough for some reason.
Other people, it just makes it tougher for them to associate with
you on a level of like a relationship level and to just start that environment.
That's what I found.
She might be dating serious ass dudes who are under that silly shit or she busting jokes
on their dicks.
Then when we get them out, she's like, damn, that's the, like, she'll know when to turn
it off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I've, look, I'm just saying from experience, I've not known when to turn it off and then
not gotten any dates. Still fucking though. I mean, maybe mostly I'm just saying from experience, I've not known when to turn it off and then not gotten any dates.
You're still fucking though.
I mean, maybe mostly jerking off.
Yeah.
So.
But it's funny.
I mean, it's funny for a little while to jerk off by yourself, but after years. Funny at your expense.
It's alarming.
Yeah.
I find it funny.
So I think that that's a problem for men and women.
So I don't really think it's like a specific gender issue.
She does give off that friendly ass vibe though.
Like I'd put her right in my circle of trust right now.
Yeah, Larkayla seems super cool.
We'd have to change her name.
What's her name?
LaCarla?
Larkayla.
Larkayla?
We'd have to change that to KK or something like that.
KK sounds semi-racist.
I'm going to go with Larkayla.
Only if you had a third.
Yeah.
Larkayla is a white girl.
But you're so close.
LaCarla is a white girl's racist, I feel like.
Really?
Yeah, you're a culture vulture.
Why you got to steal their names?
Larkayla?
Yeah, still shocked Larkayla's white.
Me too.
I can't get over it.
But I will be your friend.
Yeah, I will be your friend.
But I think...
Use your jokes when...
It's all about timing.
Use it in timing.
Maybe don't clown on his body when he's about to get his dick sucked or something like that.
But also the clowns are always...
If you look at a clown, and I'm not calling you a clown,
but I'm calling people that tend to try and be jovial or screwing around a lot.
If we look at clowns, clowns are always by themselves.
You don't see a clown out there with a little bit of humor pussy on it.
Preach.
You know?
You ever seen a clown with an entourage?
Yeah.
Never.
He does his jokes and he fucking goes back and jacks off to his tears.
You ever seen a clown with a bunch of friends? Never. It's just the way it works. Look at the
movie It, bro. Because usually it takes a group of people to make some humor, but a clown, if he
can do it by himself, but then they end up by themselves. Yeah, because they don't need anybody
else. Yeah. So that's a tough thing. So sometimes, yeah, if you really want to meet someone,
sometimes I think you will have to kind of tighten it up.
And people say, well, don't adjust yourself in this and that.
But I'll just, from my experience, yeah, sometimes you got to tighten it up.
But you only need to tighten it up if you're being mean and nasty about it.
If you're a good person, you're outgoing, you're just funny, and the dude can't hang with it, fuck him.
Also, maybe sign up for an improv class where there's some dudes in there who are just as funny, probably funnier maybe, and maybe you can start fucking one of them.
Yeah, maybe you're loved.
And you can bounce ideas off each other while you're bouncing on that ass too.
Oh, wow.
There you go.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a dual deal.
What else we got?
Good luck, Larkayla.
Dude, that's the point of the show though.
Clowns are always so lonely, man.
Yep. all right good luck larkay dude that's the point of the show though clowns are always so lonely man yep next up for relationship advice 22 year old math matthew is looking for some help hey brendan this is matthew from california i'm 22 uh some quick relationship advice my ex cheated on me
about a year ago and we recently started talking again is it it worth a second chance or not?
Let me know.
Depends if you can get over that shit.
How do you know she cheated on you?
I need some more facts.
Did you catch a video of her getting gang banged out by a bunch of dudes?
Or was it just like a friend she fucked on the side when she was drunk?
What's going on here, bro?
And if you can get over it, that's not a big deal. Because when you're 22, everybody fucking.
That's what you do at 22.
People be fucking when they're young, man.
And especially sober.
Sober sex is for children.
I've always said that.
Adults who fuck sober, it's awkward.
You know, it's not.
But if you want to have real good sober sex, you need to be children, both of you.
And I'll say this as well.
Can we go back and look at the rat tail that that fella has hanging off the back?
No, I didn't even see the rat tail.
You gotta fucking see.
Damn, good notice, Doug.
Is that a rat tail or is that a scarf of some sort?
Also, is he in a silk chair?
Is that a rat tail on the right there?
I think it might be shadows.
Can you put the pointer on it?
Right there.
That's what I'm talking about.
That is a dang rat tail, and I know one when I see one, dude.
And he's got the rest of that rat growing on his chin, and I love that dude.
Gang, bro.
And he also looks a little bit like the guy from Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh, you think?
Mayim Salik.
Mayim Salik?
Yeah.
Close, though.
Yeah.
I guess he has the same teeth as Freddie Mercury.
I see what you're saying.
Well, you know, he's just got that whole vibe, man.
He's got that, you know, kind of—
He has a cool vibe.
Yeah, he's got that Pakistani kind of, you know, wild church boy vibe.
Weird.
I get a Mexican vibe from him, but...
Really?
Yeah, I don't think he's Pakistani.
What's his name?
Matthew.
A lot of Latinos are...
A lot of Mexicans are Christian, though.
So yeah, he could easily be Mexican.
And that rat tail.
That rat tail is so Mexican.
Yeah, that's definitely Mexican.
Mexicans are born with rat tails.
My son was born when he's half.
Really?
It's just like a little bit, and I cut it off.
Oh, wow.
Not up in here, buddy.
Dang, dang, not up in here, bro.
Buddy.
Wow.
So can you get with a girl who cheated on you?
I think a year is too soon.
I think you need to give it more time.
A year?
365 days?
If you can't get over after 365, then it's just not for you.
I think you can get over it, but I don't know if she's changed enough because she's going
to be a cheater, man.
Do you think once a cheater, always a cheater?
At 22?
I think, but at-
Who didn't cheat?
At 25, you give her another shot.
At 28, once-
Three years?
She's done ran through the dick.
She probably has a man three years later.
Kids? Depends what part of the country he's from. And he's Mexican, ran through the dick. She probably has a man three years later, kids.
Depends what part of the country he's from.
And he's Mexican?
Come on, bro.
Three years, she's gone.
You think?
Maybe they're soulmates.
Maybe she got drunk one night, fell on some dick.
Now, if that's the, yeah, but still, I think if she's in that space, you got to give her more time, daddy.
You can't be, you know, I think you just have to go on about it.
I think maybe, you know, you could always go on a date with her, spend some time with her, but I wouldn't really invest in it heavily.
Don't franchise tag that.
Yeah.
Don't franchise tag it, dude.
I would stay free agent and take care of yourself.
Play the field a little bit and see, let her come to you.
Because she got that risky biscuit, man.
She's serving that bread all over town.
Yeah.
It's that sourdough.
Oh, yeah.
And she's throwing that thing everywhere.
And you want that wheat bread. You want that
banana nut. None up.
Nutty butter.
What else we got? That does it for this
week's Relationship Advice, so send those in.
I feel like we helped them, you know what I'm saying? I feel like we're
helping them. Do you, dude?
Dude, I would never
ask you for Relationship Advice, dude. I would never
ask you, ever. Unless I need a relationship
with a new face lotion, that's the only time I want to ask you for relationship advice, dude. I would never ask you, ever. Unless I need a relationship with like a new face lotion.
That's the only time I want to ask you for relationship advice.
I definitely wouldn't ask you.
What do you wear on your face, bro?
I definitely wouldn't ask you, bro.
Your skin isn't naturally that shiny and glossy and fine.
I was born this way, bro.
You're lying, bro.
I would never ask you ever for relationship advice, son.
Dude, I know you're-
I like to shoot you a text at 10 o'clock at night just to make sure you're not jacking off with your tears.
Well, look, I'm 80 days off pornography right now, so I'm feeling-
Wow, you a bitch.
Oh, boy.
You a bitch.
I'm feeling full.
Oh, those balls are so full, I bet.
Right, brother.
Damn.
Dude, so right.
You should have used the memory, huh?
Dude, the other day I was standing outside.
A Mexican guy puts a ladder up right next to my legs and tried to pick my balls off my body.
I was like, no, no, no, no.
No, senor.
No, senor. No, senor.
No, senor.
Don't need this.
Yeah.
Don't pull into Home Depot.
They'll rip them balls right off.
Oh, dude.
It's very dangerous running around with this much full throttle.
Use them as a chandelier.
Yep.
You're packing.
Yeah.
Oh, I feel full.
Oh, dude.
I could cough right now and fucking have a baby.
Damn.
I could cough a baby into a girl's vagina right now.
Dude, that's not healthy.
You got to release those, man. It's like anything. You know how you crack your knuckles, snap your neck? Bust nuts, yeah. Damn. I could cough a baby into a girl's vagina right now. Dude, that's not healthy. You gotta release those, man. It's like anything.
You know how you crack your knuckles, snap your neck?
Bust nuts, dude. But I'm trying to
dream. I'm trying to get it out the dreams. I'm riding that
nocturnal bus. That's what I'm hunting right now. Oh, that's
bullshit. You're talking about you don't have wet dreams?
I don't. Because my body will go. You're trying
to store? Not up in here. Wet
dreams. Really? Yeah.
See, not everybody gets it like that so natural.
I'm trying to get one. I haven't had one in years.
So I'm trying to get that nocturnal bust.
Damn, you haven't busted a nut for a hot second.
It makes sense. You know, weird,
dude. That semen goes straight
to your brain. What do you mean weird? You mean I have bronchitis
and my back is hurt? Yeah!
Yeah, you're right.
It's time for Joke My Smoke.
The first one
comes from Cody Chambers.
He said this was right before his college graduation.
I guess that's the way you want to go into the world.
First of all, I think this dude should run for vice president of America.
He has everything that I love.
He has an above-ground pool within 60 feet of him,
which is the fucking greatest thing ever.
God, when's the last time you saw one of those?
Dude, every time I fly on the plane, I look at families that have them, and I pray for those families from the window of the plane.
Also, that bong has an Apple logo on it.
No.
Scroll up.
Oh, definitely. Right there.
That's America, dude.
That's Steve Jobs.
Oh, dude.
Steve Jobs in a bong. He's smoking Steve Jobs. Oh, definitely. Right there. That's America, dude. That's Steve Jobs. Oh, dude. Steve Jobs in a bong.
He's smoking Steve Jobs.
Oh, yeah, man.
That guy, he looks like the straight up Louis Armstrong of smoking, too, bro.
This ain't no bullshit.
This guy is a planned and prepared smoker.
Look at that gold base he's got on that thing.
Yeah, he's experienced.
Him and his boys, his frat boys probably sucked all over that thing.
Oh, man.
I bet he's four years a slave to that fucking bong, man.
And I love how the above-ground pool is also fenced in.
Like, not anybody's getting in here, motherfucker.
Yeah, we paid for this shit.
Only the family and friends.
Dude, above-ground pool, there is no deep end.
It's everybody in the same end.
I love it.
Everyone's at the same level.
There's no shallow.
There's no deep.
There's just medium.
I love that.
You can't swim.
This ain't for you.
Yeah, dude.
There's no stairs to get in either.
You just jump right into that bitch.
And two months after you get it, a bunch of mosquitoes start living in it, dude.
Yeah.
And then people start getting sick locally.
Yeah, and you start pissing in it.
Oh, bro.
Yeah, dude.
Dude, a lot of people, they'll just go back out in the yard and just piss right into it.
Right into it.
Keep it high.
I love an above groundground pool, man.
Me too, man.
I love exactly what this guy's doing.
Where did he graduate from?
I'm assuming a community college?
He didn't say.
Okay.
That's Cody Chambers, baby.
Joke my smoke, man.
Congratulations, baby.
Gang.
Next up, we got Anthony.
There's a lot going on here.
He's doing what the kids call a dab.
What's that?
Smoking straight weed concentrate, and you use a blowtorch to heat up a nail.
What?
You take this part off, and then you stick the oil on it, and you inhale all the vaporized oil.
It's the Home Depot of smoking dope.
Yeah, you're like...
Does it give you that crooked cockeyed?
Like, why is his eye like that?
Because he's on 700 milligrams of weed in a single second.
Boy, that's meth in there, baby.
I don't know what's going on there.
That's that black tar.
Oh, it's like somebody putting the planet Mars right in between your eyes, dude.
He looks like that weed leprechaun right now.
And that's Boneyard Seeds.
He's running up there out of NorCal.
God damn, he's getting higher
than a fucking kite. Oh, he's high
as fuck, bro. He doesn't even know where he lives.
Think about that. Imagine being in your house all day and not
even know you live there, thinking it's a hotel room.
Thinking you're in another country. Thinking like, man, I can't
believe they let me park right out front of this hotel room.
This is insane.
I can't believe my dog lives here with me, you know?
That's where this guy's at, bro.
He's going deep, man.
He's super deep.
To be able to go one nostril out of the side,
that takes
concentration. That takes a lot of reps.
Yeah.
He's a veteran.
This guy is a veteran, dude. This guy's a prisoner
of weed, bro. This guy's
been in Viet fucking
Nam, man. This guy's been prisoner of weed, bro. This guy's been in Viet fucking Nam, man.
This guy's been through it all.
You got that?
Oh, that's the Mekong Delta fucking marijuana smoke right there.
This guy is in Da Nang, bro.
This guy's killing Charlie in his brain.
Dude, that's going to be tough to rip my drip or whatever the fuck we're calling this.
Joke my smoke, man.
Yeah, it's going to be tough to beat this one.
Oh, this guy?
That dude is the fucking...
The all aboard dude?
He blows out that one side and people jump on his back, dude.
God damn.
All aboard.
He's got the...
This dude is the Noah's Ark of fucking smoke, bro.
God damn.
This dude's high as fuck.
He's so high.
Dude, this guy is probably...
I bet he has the best munchies in his house.
Oh, I bet his whole kitchen is filled with dirty ice cream spoons.
You know?
Get them straight up.
And then just the ends of the bread.
Yeah.
It's just the bags with just the ends and fucking old spoons.
And then empty peanut butter jars.
Oh, dude.
I bet he's the kind of guy who's cut a jar in half with a knife and fucking eaten out
of the inside just to get it off.
Just to get the last drip of it.
Bro, you don't get that high without doing some crazy stuff in your fucking kitchen.
Oh, dude, or to yourself.
You know he's tried to toast an egg in the toaster before.
This guy has gone fucking deep.
It looks like you got high as shit in design t-shirts.
That's what it looks like.
Yeah, definitely.
Dude, he obviously has two microwaves, you know?
Because sometimes when you're so high, one microwave, you're like, fuck, man.
I've already got something in that microwave.
Wish I had another microwave to eat up these.
And by something, you mean Totino's fucking pizza pockets?
Yeah.
Wish I had another microwave to make this popcorn at the same time.
So then you get two microwaves, man.
He looks like he has a full caseload of Capri Suns.
He gets high and just drinks those.
Yeah, he definitely, I mean, hey, man, he's a smoker, man,
and I respect it.
Dab city, man.
Dab it up.
Shout out to that dude, high as fuck.
So that does it for this week's Joke My Smoke,
and feel free to send in videos of you smoking as well.
And it's time for King It or Sting It.
The first one from two ladies.
Damn, what's up girls?
You can be my lens crafter whenever you want.
Hey Brendan, hey Theo, we love you guys. King It or Sting It, whenever you want. Hey, Brendan. Hey, Theo.
We love you guys.
King or sting it?
Girls with glasses.
The sophisticated type.
You know what I'm saying?
Dang.
It's a big king for me.
I get, that turns me on.
Sometimes when I'm watching porn, I'd be like, you might like this.
And it's like the teacher or the therapist or someone with glasses on, the librarian.
That shit is sexy.
You like them glasses, huh?
I like glasses.
You know what I'm worried about, though?
If you're banging a girl with glasses, she takes them off, then she looks like the villain from Monsters, you know, the weird creepy guy that can't see.
You know?
Like, this isn't sexy.
Yeah.
Like, this is chin.
This is chin, basically.
Yeah.
He can't see.
Like, that's not sexy. He. Yeah. He can't see. Like that's not sexy.
He can see.
He can't see far.
Like, dude, sometimes I'll stand like nine feet from him and like ring a bell and he
doesn't know what's going on.
He has no idea.
He thinks it's Christmas.
Yeah.
I'm like, no, dude, it's just me over here.
It's May.
You think someone's asking for money.
Yeah, it's May, bro.
It's May, bro.
Chill.
It's pretty cute, man.
It's cute how he does that.
I would say this with the glasses.
If you have glasses, it means one of two
things. You're either smart or you can't see well. And that's, you know, that's kind of a,
that's a risk a man takes. If a woman can't see well, she's, you know, she needs things. She's
used to needing things and not just wanting to be alone. It's like dating a bat. Yeah. But then
you feel like there's a place for you because a woman be needy, you know, like you ever like blind women
You hug a blind woman. They won't let you go, you know, they won't they can't you know, they can but they won't
Yeah, I don't know if they can they're just trying to hang on for dear life
No, they don't think it's like an like an emergency. They just think
They don't have many people on this earth. Oh, they have no. They have no idea. So they're hanging out for literally their life.
Dude, how sad is this?
One time I wanted to do a business where you made like a fake Antarctica somewhere.
Okay.
And put like a bunch of ice like on a boat dock and stuff.
Okay.
And you had a cruise of blind people and you took them out of somewhere and then just brought
them right back to that dock and told them they were in Alaska or something.
That's a brilliant idea.
Like Catalina Island, like just load them up blind like, hey, we're going to this new
place they just discovered.
Yeah.
Yeah,
and they think they're in Alaska.
And it's Antarctica,
and you get like people
to make whale sounds
with horns and stuff.
But really,
it's Long Beach.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a good idea.
It's not that good of an idea,
man,
and it's illegal.
Yeah,
there's some problems with that.
And it's illegal.
I still think chicks with glasses
are the way to go.
It is a bit of a disability,
right?
Yeah.
Like how bad are their eyes?
Well,
you don't want to have children that can't see, especially in a seeing eye world. Like if a bit of a disability, right? Yeah. Like how bad are their eyes? Well, you don't want to
have children that can't see, especially in a seeing eye world. Like if we lived in a world
where seeing wasn't as important, you know, like other, you know, there's other countries like
that, like probably Africa. You don't need to see. Africa, dude. People are trying to kill each other
all the time. So you don't need to see that. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. So Africa,
China, you just follow the rest of the crowd. You don't need to see that. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, so Africa. China.
You just follow the rest of the crowd.
You don't need to see.
Yeah, China is actually more of a teamwork.
It's with so many people.
They just tell you where to go.
Dude, I was in China.
Somebody died, right?
They made soup out of them.
Like 30 people ate, and then everybody just kept on walking.
Too busy.
Crazy.
Got shit to do.
I could barely taste the guy's name, bro.
Like, it was just like, who was he?
They got to make iPhones, bro.
Well, you just got to, it's just all about the next step.
It's all about we keep moving.
They don't have time.
As a people, yeah.
There's no morning.
Eat his ass.
Let's go.
Yeah.
It's not about us.
It's about, it's not about me.
It's about us over there.
Yeah.
So I say king the glasses.
I say king the glasses.
Start with the glasses and let's see where we go from there.
Also, contacts are annoying.
I got something in my eye.
Oh, dude.
I got to take them out right before you're about to fuck.
I got to take my contacts out.
I don't want them to get dry.
Yeah.
I'm going to be from 1994.
Get glasses, bitch.
Or get PDK.
I think that's what they call it.
What is PDK?
That's the laser.
The laser where they fix your eyes.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, look, make sure your eyes are working as good as they can and take them out to the club.
That's what I do.
If you need glasses, do glasses.
If you need a tattoo that says this eye is bad or not that great, do that.
Yeah, don't keep it a secret.
Yeah, don't keep it a secret.
You don't want to be standing around just, you know, touching somebody because you don't know where you're going and they think that you're hitting on them.
Yeah, it's confusing, man.
Then you've got a Me Too problem, you know? Yeah, and next thing you know, it's all because you're not taking care of your eye health. Yeah, because you don't know where you're going and they think that you're hitting on them yeah it's confusing man then you got a me too problem yeah and next thing you know it's all
because you're not taking care of your eye health so your peepers suck yeah i say grab a carrot and
meet a man all right next up coming all the way from sydney australia from nick hand
yo what's going on guys theo brennan the boys behind the scenes shout out to you guys man
love the podcast.
I'm Nick Hand coming at you from Sydney, Australia.
And I got a king of the stinger for you, boys.
Gang, gang.
Last couple of years, I've been getting a bit of love, man.
It's down to one thing.
Gingers are on the rise, brother.
So king of the stinger.
Gingers.
Thanks, boys.
I'll tell you right now.
Most of the gingers I know have this deep darkness inside of them.
Gingers, they call them.
Yeah, they got that strawberry fire.
They got the strawberry fire going.
They got the fire crotch, fire soul.
Oh, that's mother.
But they're all good people.
Yeah.
When you think about all the redheads, you know, Bill Burr, Santino.
Yeah.
That's it.
Look, they're a rare breed, you know.
And gingers, here's what I say.
Yeah, love them, support them. But are they telling us everything? We don't trust them, you know? And gingers, here's what I say. Yeah, love them, support them,
but are they telling us everything?
We don't trust them, do we?
There's something going on.
Tell me what you know.
Because when you see a good ginger running around, or ginga,
that's what they call them over there.
Showing off them freckles.
Yeah. It makes you,
you're like, okay, look, I support you, buddy. You know,
I agree. More sunblock. We need more awnings. But also, what do you know, buddy? What do you know?
Because I don't think they're disclosing everything. There's no way you could have that
in you. No, I feel like it's a secret among redheads that we don't know. Yeah. They know
something. Yeah. It's almost like an elite club. Yeah. It's like Misterioso Con Rojo.
You know, that's what they call it in a lot of Spanish countries and Brazil.
I like redheads, though.
Oh, look.
I love them.
I support them.
They quit taking redheaded semen at the sperm center a couple years ago, though.
Makes sense.
Nobody was buying it.
There was no aftermarket for it.
Yeah, no one really is aiming for the redhead, are they?
Well, nobody was popping through and saying, hey, you know.
You got any redhead shit back here?
Give me a couple ounces of that fucking red drip.
Nah.
Can I get a ginger?
Like, come on, bro.
Yeah, give me some of that ginger soy.
You know, nobody was saying that.
Nah.
So, you know, is it something that's going to become extinct?
Now, that would be great.
Here's what gingers should do.
What?
If they started saying, hey, legally, statistically, we are becoming an extinct species,
then imagine you get money every month just for being a dangenga.
Like the goddamn Indians around here.
Well, I mean, that's one way to put them, but yeah.
I mean, some places they're kind of getting wild.
I mean, Native Americans aren't doing anything much, man.
They're drinking and hanging out outside of town.
Collecting checks because we stole their land.
Yeah.
Fucked up, so why not give gingers?
But somebody stole everything, man.
We all stole it.
Somebody stole everything, you know?
True.
Nobody's just naturally wandering into a new community and not fucking stealing that bitch.
True.
Culture vultures, baby.
Yeah, the British stole it all. Everybody's stolen everything. actually wandering into a new community and not fucking stealing that. True. Vulture vultures, baby.
Yeah, the British stole it all.
Everybody's stolen everything.
If we want to go back to the beginning of time.
Pay us.
Yeah, people were killers, man.
Adam and Eve, bro, they had two sons, Cain and Abel.
One of them killed the other one.
There were four people on earth and one of them fucking killed one of the other ones.
Preach.
So we are killers, man.
We are killers.
But I'm saying this about the Genghis, bro. Don't kill the gingers.
Get the documentation that you're an endangered species
and get the money you deserve.
Yeah, be like white rhinos.
Yeah. And get paid, bro. And then have
security around you because you're the last one on
North America. So they just protect
you because they don't want you to die. Imagine that,
dude. Be the white rhino of humans. Wake up in a
cage every morning, brother. Live your fucking Imagine that, dude. Be the white rhino of humans. Wake up in a cage every morning, brother.
Live your fucking best life, dude.
Yeah, eat leaves.
Yeah, think about the futures you guys can have
if you'll get the proper documentation.
But no, you guys want to fuck around
and do whatever you're doing and skateboarding
and live in Australia or whatever.
I'll say king at redheads.
Look, I'm going to continue to give you guys a chance,
but I know you know something.
All right, last one for this week's I'll say King at Redheads. Look, I'm going to continue to give you guys a chance, but I know you know something.
All right, last one for this week's King it or Sting it.
Dude, I think Chris Lilley sent me a DM.
Unless I just had a dream about that.
Who's Chris Lilley?
He did that show Summer Heights High.
You ever see that?
No, I'm too young. Bro, you never saw that show?
I'm too young for it.
Dude, you have to go watch it.
It's the best show you'll watch.
What's it on?
It's on YouTube.
You have to find it on YouTube or Amazon.
Yeah, if you have HBO on there.
What's it about?
It's so fucking good, bro.
It's the best show you've never seen, bro.
Remind me about it.
It's only like eight episodes, and it's so good.
What else we got?
Take this ice pack off, boy.
Last one for King of the Sting.
Oh, shit.
What's up?
This is Ashton, a.k.a. Sting from Willoughby, Ohio. And I got a King of the Stingit. Oh, shit. What's up? This is Ashton,
aka Sting from Willoughby, Ohio.
I got a Kingit or Stingit for your ass.
People make social media for the pets.
Joe Rogan did it, that little bald-headed muscle monkey.
Kingit or Stingit. Gang, gang.
Wow, dude.
What's he doing?
Blowing somebody, dude.
Or he's doing oral.
He's probably just doing a pilot light or something.
He might be sucking dick, or it looks like he was burying something.
It looked pretty shady.
Probably doing pilot light.
It's that time of year, and it's also in Ohio.
I guess he's inside.
So people that have separate pets accounts.
I always find it weird, even people that have separate kid accounts.
That's weird.
The kid's not posting it.
When the kid is a child, an infant.
Yeah. They don't know if they want
social media and you're putting that out there for them.
That's so Kardashian, so dangerous.
Tell me about it. Next thing you have a nine-year-old
with fake ears running around. Tell me about it.
Yeah. Next thing you got a nine-year-old with
tits.
It's a vicious crime.
His thing is those separate pet accounts are a little strange.
With Rogan, it's different.
He doesn't want to post his personal shit, so they started that, posting the dog.
But most of the time, when someone has a separate pet account, it's just their scream, yell for help.
You know what I'm saying?
But also, people that follow those pet accounts, all hot bitches, all hot girls.
So what I like to do is comment like,, all hot bitches, all hot girls.
So what I like to do is comment like, damn, cute dog, smiley face.
Oh, sweet parrot.
And the next thing you know, they're sliding your DMs.
You like parrots?
Yep.
You like dick?
And that's how it goes.
Now, I think that, I mean, that's the truth to a lot of ladies.
But also, you see in a lot of these Asian cultures, they're doping these animals up on quaaludes,
and the animal can't even keep their tongue in their mouth.
Yeah, and they're painting their faces and shit.
Yeah, and you got a chow.
You got a chow over there that can't chow because he can't close his mouth.
You got a rottweiler with lipstick on.
You know a damn well that rottweiler. You got a rottweiler that can't wiler, you know?
And they're doing that kind of shit because they're putting lewds and zanbars
into these fucking chows and pomeranians.
You got a bulldog who can't bull.
Yeah, you got a sharpay who can't bull. Yeah.
You got a Sharpay that ain't very sharp.
You know, look at that.
That's supposed to be a Sharpay right there.
Click on the main picture right there.
It's a Sharpay.
Look at this Sharpay.
With a facelift.
Click on that.
Yeah, we got it.
It's a Sharpay with a facelift.
Yep.
We got the Sharpay after those lewds are on.
Look at it.
It looks like a damn beagle.
Look at his tongue.
Yeah.
Very sad.
Border Collies can't even run around the border anymore. Look at that other one. Got the tongue hanging out. That white one. Yeah. Big whitey. Look at that. He looks like a damn beagle. Look at his tongue. Yeah, very sad. Border collies can't even run around the border anymore.
Look at that other one. Got the tongue hanging out. That white one. Yeah, big whitey.
Oh, damn. He got that dick tongue.
Dude. But that's what happens.
Somehow he grew a full
man's cock out of his mouth.
That's what happens when you're feeding him this
shitty dog food. That's that Singapore
Sharpay where they had him on Zan bars for a couple
months. He was doing the circuit as one of those
beautiful Instagram animals,
and look at him now.
Now he's in a halfway house somewhere outside of Saipan.
See, and then someone's going to start a separate account
and be like, look at my dog's tongue.
Hashtag cute.
Hashtag long.
Hashtag dry.
Hashtag cock tongue.
And then you've got a picture every Wednesday of this fucking dog.
Yeah, I mean, this thing.
It's a cry for help, I'm telling you, man.
Get a friend.
Post a picture with your friend.
How about that?
He looks like Bernie Sanders, too, a little bit, man, if you start to look at him.
Yeah, he does.
As time strolls by, he looks like Bernie Sanders.
And I want to say this, man.
Dude, his tongue looks like some nuts.
I'm saying right now, I bet two weeks until Hillary Clinton announces that she's running for president again.
Watch.
Two weeks, bro.
And I'm happy to be wrong, but I just bet.
Very similar look to Bernie.
Very similar.
They do look similar.
God, I bet Barry's nuts look like his tongue.
Look at the end of his tongue.
I can't even imagine.
Bernie's nuts.
Very similar.
So that's what I'm saying.
After these lewds, these animals start to look like politicians, and they got these
animals on lewds.
Yeah.
When you say lewds, I think it's night quill.
I'm sick of that shit.
You turn on Discovery Channel, they're catching these wild animals, and they get to them,
they look extra sleepy.
You're not fooling nobody.
Yeah.
You pop a couple of those night quills, and we're expecting that you just strolled upon
this thing.
Ain't nobody buying it, man.
Yeah.
Deadliest catch.
Deadliest catch.
We know you're out there all night
pouring fucking Dimetap off the back of the ship.
Yeah, bitch.
It's easy to catch these fucking red sea bass
when they all barely awake.
Drowsy.
And they think they have a cough.
Catch them in a nap.
Yeah, you can't get a cough underwater, idiot.
Stupids.
Let's see what's next.
That does it for this week's King It or Sting It.
And the finale segment,
we've got Flop My Aunt.
The first one's coming from
Brennan. It's his Aunt
Megan. She's
38 years old from upstate New York.
Damn, girl.
She looks like she just got done with wood
cock. Dang, dude.
It looks like Trey anastasio bro
god damn she looks like the biggest fan of aerosmith oh dude she looks like uh widespread
actually started panicking she looks like she'll tell you the story about when she sucked off axel
rose in the 70s that would be the late 80s early 90s dude, dude. No, no, no. He was a kid.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he was a kid then.
Oh, sober sex is for children.
Yeah, he was a kid.
I love this.
She's too old for that, bro.
This Marley and me shout out in the back.
And what I love about the dog is that he knows that smoking is not for him.
Yeah, he's too far away from it.
I like how she's wearing a full body suit of tie dye.
I don't know where the fuck you get that besides San Francisco.
Yeah, but she looks sexy, man. She's got some heaters under that. I like how she's wearing a full bodysuit of tie-dye. I don't know where the fuck you get that besides San Francisco. Yeah.
But she looks sexy, man.
She's got some heaters under that.
You know, she looks like the Weather Channel fucking decided to go to a rave.
If you look at that, it's like Doppler radar made an outfit.
Yeah, she looks like Miss Doppler.
Yeah.
But definitely, look, I like that.
I'm not mad at the swag at all.
She looks like she'll tell you about the time she tripped her ass off acid.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
She has some great drug stories.
Oh, it looks like if she took off the sweater and took off the jean shorts,
she would just be ready to, you know,
like she'd be at a slumber party at John Bell's house.
And I think John Bell's the lead singer of White Spirit Panic.
I could be wrong.
Who is it?
I don't know.
Let's look him up.
She looks like she lives in Gene Simmons' house.
John Bell, good call, bro.
Thanks, dude.
Don't fucking touch me.
Don't touch me, and that fucking hurt, dude.
Especially during this, man.
My wrists are real hot.
Don't touch me, especially when you have the black lung, bro.
Yeah, well, you touched me, you idiot.
All right.
What else we got?
Shout out to this fine ass lady.
Beautiful lady, though, dude.
I love the fact that she likes going outdoors and likes listening to music and doing a little bit of drugs.
Yeah.
Nicole sent in her.
She seems like she might have a child soon.
Or she has seven.
No.
She's got a dog.
While listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers.
What else you got?
Nicole sent in her Uncle John.
Okay. Is Uncle John. Okay.
Is Uncle John a serial killer?
Uncle John Wayne Gacy, bro.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
Did you guys get a good look at this hitter?
This is John Wayne Gay.
Gay.
That's what's going on here.
Yeah.
I mean, dude.
It's like John Wayne Gay.
See?
Yeah.
John Wayne is gay. See? John Wayne is gay.
See?
Yeah, he looks like he's wearing that negligette, too.
If you look at him, he's got that negligette going across his torso.
It looks like he's at a toga party at Edgar Allan Poe's house.
It looks like he's one bad fart away from snapping on everybody and killing the entire room.
Wow.
That's what he looks like.
Well, it looks like maybe he fell asleep smoking and burned the rest of his closet out.
And this is what he's got.
But he seems like a nice guy.
He's doing good stuff.
He's got the pearls on.
Is he doing good stuff, though?
Yeah.
Or he fell asleep and his buddies pranked the fuck out and put him in a dress.
That's what might have happened.
He has on two pairs of panties, bro.
Yeah, you're right, bro.
That's no prank.
Nobody does a double panty.
That's a man, baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rarely do you do the double panty unless you're going through some stuff, you know, unless
it's like menopause.
By going through stuff, you mean asses.
And he might be doing menopause and who knows?
A lot of men are doing wild stuff. And if he's doing menopause, then God bless him.
Shout out to those pearls around his neck, too.
If those are real pearls, then I am very impressed.
I'm jealous.
Yeah.
And he's doing whiteface, though, which is illegal.
Oh, dude, that is frowned upon.
That's John Wayne Gay, baby.
And he's doing blue eyes, which Smurfs are gonna get offended at.
And he's got some cholo eyebrows. Okay, way
to fucking call them out.
Yep, and he's also got the red cheeks,
which, uh... The ginger cheeks. Yep.
He's trying to offend everybody.
Yeah, and he's doing a good job, man. You look beautiful.
John Wayne Gay.
Alright, and the last one for Flaw My
Aunt. This is coming all the way from
South Wales in the United Kingdom, sent in by Barry.
God bless the UK.
This is Great Aunt Pamela.
Oh, damn.
Let me tell you something.
You're crazy if you don't think she's racist.
You're crazy if you don't think she drops an N-bomb every three seconds in her household.
Bro, they don't have N-bombs in the UK, dude.
Oh, she has all the bombs.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
She don't like anybody unless you're white.
No, I think she seems like an upstanding
member of the community. She seems
like she
doesn't travel.
Okay, I'll say that. By doesn't travel, you mean
doesn't, never left that
bed? Yeah. That's a
chair. That's her bed, asshole.
Good call. She has a wedding
ring on, so she obviously knows how to get it.
Get it?
And that gun is...
She looks like she's waiting for you to step on her lawn to yell at you.
Bro, that's that William Wallace hitter, that thing that she's running around with, bro.
That's that bad...
Dude, that's that fucking Elmer Fudd shotgun.
Bro, that's that bad stick of Roman candy, and she'll fucking send you back into the Trojan horse, dog. She'll fucking
light you up with that piece.
You fucking ding-dong ditch her, she's gonna shoot
you in the back. Oh, dude. With a racial
slur. Yeah, dude.
I bet if you shoot the gun, just racial
slurs fly out of it.
Wow. She looks like she makes
a mean apple pie. Oh, dude.
Yeah, and she looks like she cooks it with fire
with a firearm.
One arm on the firearm?
Yeah.
No, like she actually shoots it to be room temp, you know?
Like she puts all the ingredients into a pie tin and then just keeps blasting them.
Dude, look at her.
She looks pissed here.
It looks like someone's like, hey, what do you think of Obama?
And she's like, snap the pic.
Dude, she's pissed because Brexit keeps stalling.
They keep stalling Brexit.
They keep pushing it back another couple weeks, and now they say they might move the vote
until two years from now.
What in the fuck are we talking about?
She does not look happy.
She's TO, dude, and her vote counts, man.
Someone better get her a goddamn carrot juice stat.
Oh, dude, carrot, bro?
You better drip a little fucking backsplash of prune into that fucking orange water.
Get that bowel movement going.
She seems beautiful.
She's an adult.
Hopefully she's doing stuff at the community center, maybe some square dancing, you know, to get out around the house.
Yeah, she just needs to get out.
But thanks for sharing her with us, bud, and God bless her.
God bless Velcro shoes.
That does it for this week's Flaw My Aunt.
That's pretty much all the segments, except it's time for people to get inspired.
Why don't we do Start My Heart?
Oh, man.
Or should I just close the show?
If we can find one, man, that's what it's about.
We can find one.
Yeah, what started my heart?
You want me to do one?
You want me to go first while you think of one?
Yeah.
This week's Start My Heart? Yep. This week's Start My Heart.
Yep.
This week's Start My Heart.
Mutual friend or acquaintance of ours, Andrew Schultz.
He's a comedian from the East Coast.
He does The Brilliant Idiots with Charlamagne.
And his story is inspiring because he releases his special just on his own.
You want all the big networks, don't want to pick me up?
Check this out.
So he's releasing just big bits of his special on his YouTube. He want all the big networks don't want to pick me up? Check this out. So he's releasing just big bits
of his special
on his YouTube.
He's doing the damn thing.
He's out here right now
in LA.
I think he's doing it
on my show
and yours this week.
And then he's also
at the Comedy Story
of shows all over.
He's just hustling, man.
He's hustling
and doing his way.
He has a great podcast
called Brilliant Idiots.
Yeah, and he's one guy
that honestly
I have never wanted
to follow in a comedy club, man.
That guy.
He's a monster.
Dude, he is a, yeah.
He's the Ted Bundy, man.
He is a monster, man.
He's a killer.
He is a killer.
Phenomenal comedian.
Yep.
So he's out here in L.A. this week.
Nice.
He just used my studio to do his podcast last night, so shout out to Andrew Schultz.
Oh, nice.
All right, and for mine this week, I'm going to go with Sebastian Maniscalco.
He was an actor.
He's a comedian, but he's an actor in The Green Book that won Best Picture.
Correct.
I believe.
And so it's inspiring to see.
You know, Sebastian didn't get any acclaim for years, really, from the industry, and
so he really had to go out and earn it himself.
Did you see him at the Oscars? Yes. On the red carpet? Yeah. I was like, really, from the industry. And so he really had to go out and earn it himself. Did you see him at the Oscars?
Yes.
On the red carpet?
Yeah.
I was like, damn, look at Sebastian.
I know.
It's so cool.
And also, it's so funny.
I was following him on Instagram saying how he had to sit in the third floor.
He was in the third floor level.
Oh, damn.
But he's not a star of the movie.
You know, he's a character in the movie.
But still, just amazing to see him even go through that as a comedian.
Like this isn't acting is not his first job.
It's not his primary goal.
And this is just something that he got to be a part of.
But very inspiring and just cool to see him go through that experience.
And he always seems to be the same person no matter what.
He's one of the good guys.
He's one of the good guys.
And I think both those guys are just guys that have had to earn it and
work hard. And I think it
would be almost
ill for us
not to say this. I think both our
start my heart should probably be Brody Stevens
though as a mutual start my heart. That's a good
point. Probably Brody Stevens as well.
This is going to be a bonus one this week. Yeah.
Brody Stevens. What's your best memory of Brody Stevens?
My best memory of Brody Stevens? My best memory of Brody Stevens, it's probably just watching him on stage,
which every time kind of almost runs together.
He would always kind of do the same thing of just getting the audience.
His crowd work.
Yeah, his crowd work.
And it didn't matter if they were on his side or not on his side.
Sometimes the whole set, nobody would get
what he was doing. But he would still do it.
But he would still do it. Power through it.
Yeah. Just the senseless
commitment
to himself.
And to just positive energy, man.
He, that's
all he ever talked about, was
positive energy. He just always talked about it. I didn't realize, I think a lot of times he was talking about it was positive energy he just always talked about it
i didn't realize i think a lot of times he was talking about because he needed it you know he
needed it to keep himself up idea i had no idea so yeah good call man start my heart to brody
stevens man miss you bud yep love you man uh i think that's it let's close on that brother that's
it dude get better man get better i will you get get better. Well, I'm healthy right now. I just meant
healthy. I mean, just get better.
I need your health to get better, bro. Get better.
I will be at Miami Improv.
Miami Improv this March. New club.
Miami Improv, new club.
A little nervous about it. I bet. But then we just
added Milwaukee, Pabst Theater.
Nice. Milwaukee. Nice, man.
What is that? Now I'm watching DC. All in March.
Second, third, and fourth week of March, I'm back on the road.
Dang.
The BDE tour starts March.
Really?
Yeah.
New tour?
New tour.
Dang.
That's exciting, man.
I know.
I'm excited, dude.
And I'll see you guys.
I'll be at the Chevalier Theater March 6th or 7th, I think, in Medford, Boston, Massachusetts.
You can still get tickets online.
And some of the Barstool guys will be there.
It's going to be interesting.
Thank you guys so much.
Love it.
Love it.
Thank you. The King and the stand The king in the stand
It's the king in the stand