The Golden Hour - Episode 11: Carrey vs Sandler
Episode Date: March 14, 2019The boys are back! And so is Brendan's voice. The guys talk jizz messaging, viral sad dad doughnut shop, Rock of Love vs Flavor of Love, Mardi Gras, smoking great grandma who look...s like Walter Matthau, hairless cats, dickets, Dunkin Donuts stories and much more.Robinhood - https://kingsting.robinhood.comHello Fresh - https://www.hellofresh.com/kats60Postmates - https://postmates.com Code: KATS2019Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Back off my broccolini.
Get your life together.
It is.
Don't touch me, bro.
I'm not touching you, dude.
We need some fucking cum, dude.
Guns, I mean.
Sorry.
I always fuck that up.
Are we on?
Yeah, we're rolling.
Oh, God.
For fuck's sakes.
I meant guns.
You meant guns? Yeah, sorry. I don't know.. For fuck's sakes. I meant guns. You meant guns?
Yeah, sorry.
I don't know.
Well, one I can provide.
Well.
I need a bunch of guns.
I hope it's guns.
Dude, are you getting, I'm getting like, I don't know if it's just that time of year
because it's like spring or daylight savings, but I'm getting like a lot of.
Dick pics?
No, guys, you know, you jerking off on like paper or something sending
and you open up a snapchat and that's what it is oh like a collage of cum no bro like one of those
ink blocks that the therapist like the rorschach test you know and every time i'm like uh it's
semen it's semen you know it's like just semen all i see is semen maybe it's the same guy i think
it's somebody from scotland who's just been jerking off on like some dark napkins.
Well, here's the thing, bro.
You keep opening it.
So he's like, well, he's obviously into it.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you're like, oh, this is dope.
Well, I keep opening the snap because I'm trying to give him a chance to make up for
what he's already done.
You know, it's like each time I open it, I'm like, okay, it's going to be something nice.
It's going to be redeeming.
But he's just falling through.
Yeah.
This guy will not stop. Well, I like the dedication, but maybe quit open after 6-1.
That's a good point.
Yeah, unless you're trying to fuck.
No, and I'm not, dude.
And I'm also not flying halfway across the globe to be gay
when I'm not even gay in America.
Well, you're throwing mixed signals.
You know what I'm saying?
Like if a dude kept sending me dick pics,
and I keep open giving a thumbs up,
and then I hate on him, like, dude, please quit doing that. He's like, and I keep giving a thumbs up. I didn't do a thumbs up. Then I hate on him.
I'm like, dude, please quit doing that.
He's like, what?
It's confusing, man.
I didn't do a thumbs up.
I put a coffin.
One time I sent a coffin, and that was it.
Me and Killer.
Not Killer, dude.
Really?
Like, let's kill the sin and semen over here.
Oh, word.
Word.
I feel like we haven't been in here forever.
Yeah.
You gave me the black lung.
Remember, you had it? Oh, damn. Oh, you got the black lung, too. Oh, I got't been in here forever. Yeah. You gave me the black lung. Remember, you had it?
Oh, damn.
Oh, you got the black lung, too.
Oh, I got the hater, man.
Yeah.
Then it went to me, but it didn't go to my lungs.
It went to my heart.
Really?
You got the black heart?
Black heart, and I lost my voice.
Dang.
I know, dude.
Dude, you seem like a dude.
I feel like I'm in one of those Oprah Winfrey interviews, somebody from a boy band that
left and tried to get into powerlifting.
Yeah, and then came out of rehab.
And you're like, yeah, you know, I started doing this and I lost my voice, Oprah.
So you lost my voice, but I'm back now.
I'm back.
I'm back now.
I'm going on a solo tour of Brazil.
Solo tour of Brazil.
Dude, you look like a guy who won his whole outfit out of a skill crane, bro.
You fucking looked at yourself. Dude, this is like a guy who won his whole outfit out of a skill crane, bro. You fucking looked at yourself.
Dude, this is the Bash Brothers.
Jose Canseco, bro.
You don't know shit about that.
Jose's bashing A-Rod this week.
You saw that?
That's why I wore it.
Fucking snitch, dude.
But do you think he's being honest or not?
Either way, honest or not, stay at the man's business.
That's not your place.
Who are you?
The fucking side piece police?
Get the fuck out of here. Dude, I love
that. That's a new segment we're going to start. Side piece
police. Jose Canseco, if
you want to be a part of
what we have going on here, hit us up, dude.
You're the side piece police, bro. I love that.
Yeah, bro. Side piece police. I'll slap the
shit out of you. How dare you do that to A-Rod?
Really? Yeah, it's just a hater, because
who does that? It's his ex-wife. Yeah.
Oh, it's his ex-wife? He married J-Lo? Well, A-Rod married Really? Yeah, it's just a hater, because who does that? It's his ex-wife. Yeah. Oh, it's his ex-wife? He married J-Lo?
Well, A-Rod married J-Lo, but then supposedly, according to this Bash brother, bashing brothers,
the Bash brother hated on A-Rod.
A-Rod's not a brother, dude.
He's Latino, first of all.
You know, he's a banana brother.
I know, but the, well, easy, easy.
Sorry.
Hashtag no racist.
Hashtag no racist.
It's not a racist.
But remember, the Bash brothers were Mark McGuire and Jose Canseco.
I look like the third one that didn't get as much milk from his mama.
You know what I'm saying?
Bro, you look like no way Canseco.
That's who you look like, dude.
Bro, you look like fucking Risky Henderson.
That's who you look like, dude.
You look like a guy who runs off of first base and just slides out
into the outfield. You fucking can't even see that well.
You look like the guy from the 80s MLB
that just got hit by pitches.
George Brett? No, George Brett.
He did do that, but he didn't have that mullet,
bro. This isn't a mullet, dude. It's long
hair in the back. And in most of the world,
this is also a European hairstyle.
It is, dude. I like the outfit today, man.
I like the outfit. Thanks, man. You look like a human llama. It is, dude. I like the outfit today, man. I like the outfit.
Thanks, man.
You look like a human llama.
Okay, let's get started.
Let's kick off, man. Yeah, a llama that's going to a wedding, you idiot.
Yeah, a llama that sucks people off.
Oh, wow.
Oh, did someone turn my shit down?
Oh, we need to get the batteries.
No, I only put one battery in yours this week.
Oh, dude, I've been out a week, and this is what fucking happens, man.
Your hype horn is down.
Dang.
God.
All right, you guys want to start it off?
Yeah, Chin, I need a little more energy out of you, dude.
Yeah, I need that fucking Chin-ergy, dude.
I need you to fucking throw a fucking ninja star on us.
Chin up, bro.
Yeah, dude.
Chin up, eyes down.
All right.
Dude.
What's up?
I'm like, you look nice today, Chin.
Good to see you.
Thank you.
Powerful sweatshirt.
Very powerful, dude.
Chan, let me ask you this.
Are you the guy busting loads and sending it to Theo?
Are you that guy?
Sending what?
Loads?
Huh?
What?
You busting on colored paper and then DMing Theo?
Somebody's been sending me loads of papers, a little bit of art, basically.
Depending on where you're from.
Yeah, depending on where you're from, dude.
In Korea, it's art.
Yeah, in Korea, it's art, bro.
In Japan, it's like a fucking, I think it's a-
Maybe Japan.
It's an appetizer.
Yeah, it's an appetizer.
It's basically somebody jerking off on a piece of construction paper.
It's called bukkake out there.
Yeah, there you go.
Bukkake art.
So somebody's sending me these little roar sharks, and every time I crack it open, you
know, and you think it's going to be a butterfly, and it's just some semen.
Nice.
And that's not you, Chin?
That's not me.
I mean, I don't know how you do that.
How do you send it?
Do you send it after it dries?
I don't know, dude.
Wow.
Really detailed questions.
Who do I look like, dude?
Pablo Piscaso, bro?
I know, bro.
I'm like judging fluids.
It's not a third-grade snowflake project, Chin. My bad. We know, bro. I'm not judging fluids. It's not a third grade snowflake project, Chin.
My bad.
We let it dry.
Write your name on it.
Wow.
It gets stuck.
You've never done that before.
Dang, dude.
All right, what do you got, bro?
Just get to the work, Chin.
You guys want to start off with a current event?
Change it up?
Yeah, that sounds good.
Sure.
Fuck.
Why not?
So this dude.
Oh, calm down, bro.
You're right.
You know what?
You're right.
Calm down.
Don't fucking touch me, dude. Don't even touch me, dude. I'm falling off. Dude, I got the black plague because of you, bro. You're right. You know what? You're right. Calm down. Don't fucking touch me, dude.
Don't even touch me, dude.
I'm falling off, dude.
I got the black plague because of you, bro.
Me?
I haven't been sick in forever.
Then I fucking touch you, and I get measles of the throat.
You can't handle breathing, though.
That's your problem, bro.
You know what they say?
If you can't fucking breathe, get your ass out the existence.
Onward, Jen.
All right.
So this dude named Billy Bye has a dad that opened up a donut shop, but then no one showed
up.
Oh, this sounds like a children's book that Brendan's in.
Billy Bye.
Billy Bye.
So he's a bisexual young fella who loves sweets.
Billy Bye.
He's from Texas.
And it's called Billy...
What's the restaurant called?
It's a donut shop called Billy's Donuts.
Oh, yeah.
And so he took a picture.
Oh, wow.
Real creative.
All right. Billy's Donuts. Billy's Donuts. What are we going And so he took a picture. Oh, wow. Real creative.
Billy's Donuts.
Billy's Donuts.
What are we going to call it?
What's your name?
Billy?
I like, all right, Billy's Donuts.
We're selling Billy's Donuts.
That might be the first problem.
The second is it looks like a fucking bootleg Chuck E. Cheese.
It's all yellow and red.
Yeah, it's very colorful.
Let me see it in there.
Yeah, well, first of all, they stole our yellow.
It's the obvious.
God, it's our fucking stage, bro. King and the Sting yellow. That's Billy. Dude, will you hit Billy up, too, first of all, they stole our yellow. It's the obvious. God, it's our fucking stage, bro.
King and the Sting yellow.
That's Billy.
Dude, will you hit Billy up, too, on Twitter and see if they'll send us a dozen?
We can do that.
Yeah, because we want to.
Dude, that's a great.
I'm going to keep touching you today. Oh, we're not just that fat dozen, dude.
Don't fucking touch me, donut bit.
The thing is, send us that fat baker's double dozen.
Yeah, and send Brendan the holes, too, so he has something to put into his butt.
Those little
sugarpositories, dude.
Keep moving, Chin. Who is this guy? You know this guy?
I don't know him. He looks kind of like one of your
buddies. He's definitely Asian for sure.
Here's the thing, Billy. Do you make a nice
chocolate glazed donut? Because that's
where I'm going to grade you. Oh, really?
Chocolate glazed.
Nice chocolate frosted. I like a
thick frosting. Voodoo Donuts, number one in the world to me.
Really?
Number one.
Sidecar.
Nice.
$6 donut.
What are we doing here?
Really?
A $6 donut?
$6 donut.
Dude, I like them Dunkin' Donuts, bro.
Dude, if you're telling me I like a place where you might get shot in the fucking lobby,
you know what I'm saying?
I like a little bit of risk with my sugar.
And so I like them Dunkin' Donuts, dude.
You go in there.
People are always burning them down.
People are smoking out back, bro.
I like the fucking, you know, I like a little bit of fucking, you know.
You like risky business with your donuts.
Yeah, I like a fucking risky business.
Dude, I like to fucking bite into one and maybe, you know, they got maybe part of a.
Gold tooth.
Yeah, a gold tooth or half a menthol cigarette in there.
Dude, here's my thing.
If someone showed me a picture of you in that outfit and that hair cut, I did not know you
in a minute.
What kind of donuts does he like?
I'd say Dunkin' Donuts.
Yep.
He goes to Dunkin' Donuts.
Bam, boy.
Dunkin', baby.
And he drives a fucking Dodge Neon.
Yeah, dude.
My mother used to drive a Dodge Neon, bro.
Of course she did, yeah.
Dude, I used to sleep in it.
It was fucking nicer than our apartment, dude.
I used to go out there and fucking sleep in it at night. That thing was nice, bro. Of course you did, yeah. Dude, I used to sleep in it. It was fucking nicer than our apartment, dude. I used to go out there and fucking sleep in it at night.
That thing was nice, bro.
Underneath the stars?
No, not underneath the stars.
Underneath the top of the car.
You get inside of it.
And I loved it, man.
But yeah, Dunkin' Donuts, dude.
They got coffee.
They got ice in there.
They usually got a couple of bad bitches that are going through some tough times, bro.
Dunkin' Donuts all day, boy.
You get yourself a chocolate twist and a dick suck at those places, too. It depends which one you go into. Bro, you go up to Dunkin' Donuts. day, boy. You get yourself a chocolate twist and a dick sock at those places, too.
It depends which one you go into.
Bro, you go up to Dunkin' Donuts.
We call it a happy ending.
Get them donuts, bro.
You fucking have, you can meet your parole officer up there.
There's always somebody, you can get somebody to sign your court card.
Dunkin' Donuts for me.
You meet a lawyer there.
I love it.
It's for everyone.
It's the people's donut.
Oh, dude, sometimes if I need to get a drug test or something, I'll just piss in a cup,
drive through Dunkin' Donuts, and give it to them as I go around, dude.
They'll ship it for you.
Yeah, bro.
They'll fucking ship it, man.
That's a fucking Quaker's dozen, bro.
I'll fucking piss in a cup.
Fuck yeah.
So what are we doing here, Jim?
Why are we here?
This just current events.
So shout out to Billy's Donuts.
Send us a dozen.
Let us judge your donuts.
That's not a bad thing. People just send us donuts
and we judge them and rip their donuts.
Rip my donut. No, we're gonna make
a funnier name than that, but I do like Rip My Donuts.
Thanks, Doug. And it's Donuts.
So there's more to the story.
Oh, there's more? Yeah, there's more to the story.
It's not just a donut shop.
Don't wind us up, bro.
Asian people used to be so efficient.
Now it's this fucking hobnob and hitchhiking
through the conversation here.
They make a great phone and now they stop
working.
What else you got?
He took a picture of this empty donut shop.
His dad looks really sad and he tweeted it
and then he had over
30,000 retweets and nearly 500,000
likes and celebrities. If you guys know who Casey
Neistat is, the YouTuber.
Casey Neistat?
Casey Neistat and James Woods.
They both showed up too.
Don't know who they are.
I like James Woods.
Yeah.
Is he a country singer?
He played this guy, Bill W.
They have a movie called Bill W, and he did a great job.
Oh, James Woods.
You know James Woods.
Beautiful man.
Look at him.
Not the best skin.
Well, he looks scared in that picture.
Obviously, somebody scared him first.
Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying as far as quality of skin.
He's 75 years old, dude.
Skin don't last that long.
Depends.
Well, he does look very scared there.
Looks like you walked into a Dunkin' Donuts there.
Yeah, dude.
And there was already a gunfight going on.
And it's hard to duck and order at the same time.
Well, tell him to send us some goddamn donuts, Chin.
You already told Chin three times. What else do we need, Chin?
That's good.
What else you got, bro?
We're fired up today, aren't we?
Speak for yourself, one.
I am actually trying to take a nap, but I'll wake up
occasionally to be a part of this show.
What I'm saying is this. Do you think this was a
advertising ploy?
Well, it fucking worked, but the dad looks sad.
Definitely worked.
Right, but does the dad always look sad?
I mean, it's Billy's Don.
It's the last hurrah for the dude.
Chin always looks sad.
That's a good point, yeah.
Chin always looks sad.
I'm like, damn, Chin, what happened?
From far away.
When we get up close, he laughs like that.
It's like, all right, maybe he's having a good day.
Yeah, he's got that 30-foot happiness.
Past 30 feet, he looks sad.
30-foot of happiness.
Dude, that's a movie it
is a movie chin foot of happiness starring chin yee yeah chin yee co-star and cat oh cat always
looks happy though that's true she's polynesian brother homeward what else we got all right this
is no offense if you're not cat definitely not ignorant that's yep you are you don't hear asians
so this is a nix owner, James Dolan.
He was walking through that little area to get to the back room from the audience.
And then some fan yelled out, you should sell the team.
So he literally pinpointed the person and said that he's not welcome to any more games.
Well, I'll say this.
They should definitely get rid of Spike Lee sitting on the sidelines.
God, the worst mascot in the NBA.
Yeah, and first of all, where does he buy his clothes and everything?
At a fucking Dave and Buster's?
He's always wearing these fake-ass, stupid sunglasses.
Two good movies in 40 years.
They got fucking Trappaport over there just yelling about Dick Stane Donald all day.
No wonder they suck.
They don't have any fucking firepower over there.
When your mascot's Michael Rappaport and fucking Spike Lee, you got problems, man.
Yeah, most of your fans are in their 70s and 80s.
You're lucky to have a fan that can even still see the court in the fucking stadium.
And you just kick them out.
Yeah, and I'll say this, though, as well.
You gave all your money to Carmelo Anthony.
Whoever did that fucking deserves wherever they're at, bro.
Carmelo Anthony was never going to be a champion, dude.
He was kind of a handsome looking
guy. He was a decent scorer.
Ball hog. Yeah, he's half white,
so that's a fucking giveaway right there.
Well, at least 14%. Have you looked at him?
25%. Look at him. I don't think so.
Carmelo. Carmelo. Mello.
Mello. Mello. Marshmello.
Marshmello. Yeah. Caramel.
Alright. So it's kind of that mix. Okay, I see where
you're going. Thank Thank you This girl's hot
Yeah this girl's hot
Bro Tartantania
Whatever his name is
That lady
Nah bro that's T.I.
You're thinking of T.I. and Tanya
His girl's name is
What is it?
Tiesto
Lala
Lala
Yeah
Okay Lala is hot
Lala is hot
She should be the mascot
Yes
She should come out of Half Time
Just twerking La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La Then whoever's doing those choices over there deserves it. Who's been making all the choices? Phil Jackson? Him. Who's their GM?
Phil Jackson's out now, right?
Lakers?
Yes.
No.
No.
Not Lakers.
New York Knicks.
Scott Perry.
God damn it, Scott.
Yeah, Scott Perry, the lawyer.
Look at this guy.
Scott Perry, the high school teacher.
I know, dude.
And didn't they give her to Porzingis, or they still have him?
They got rid of him.
He went to Dallas.
He's great.
Here's the thing.
Yeah, he's great.
The unicorn.
Giant unicorn.
Yeah.
But what New York's doing is they're tanking the season so they can get their boy Zion.
Then they're signing Kyrie Irving.
Then you got a squad, son.
Yeah.
Do you?
They're still always going to suck because they're all selfish.
That's the problem.
It seems like they just haven't had a lot of good coaching over there.
They missed Chris Stapps, bro.
How can you get rid of a guy who also is a potato chip?
They missed fucking Chris Stapps, Porzing How can you get rid of a guy who also is a potato chip? They miss fucking Chris Stapps Porcingis, bro.
God, the Una Una.
Oh, that guy, he could sell his semen, dude, overseas, bro.
Dude, he can send me semen art.
I'd buy a fucking couple busts off of this fella.
This guy seems like a good gentleman right there.
He's 7'3", bro.
His dick would be in your stupid potato nose.
You meet face to face.
Dude.
His unicorn dick's in your mouth.
Well, no, I wouldn't do anything like that with him.
You don't have a choice?
I would just watch the game, yeah.
Well, no, if you're courtside, he flies by.
Boom, dick in your face.
I'm not doing that, dude.
That's why they suck.
No one wants to sit courtside.
Because too much dick hitting people.
But look, you gave all your money to that guy.
What about the guy with the fucking spectacles on the guy that couldn't even see far?
They used to pay him. Charles Oakley? A Maori stardom-ire to that guy. What about the guy with the fucking spectacles on the guy that couldn't even see far? They used to pay him.
Charles Oakley?
Amari Stoudemire.
That guy.
Old school, dude.
Yeah, well, they fucking paid that dude $75 million to fucking look as hard as he could.
Dude, how about the New York's just a hot fucking mess.
How about the New York Mets are still paying fucking Bobby Vanilla fucking money?
Yeah, there you go, dude.
Bobby Vanilla ice cream.
They fucking paid that dude.
Look at Amari Stoudemire.
That dude's the little John of fucking eyewear and eyes.
Dude, his face is super old there.
Yeah, he's 60 or 70 years old in the face, bro.
Playing in China, bro.
Is he?
Still dunking on people, yeah.
Just the Chinese, but he's still doing it.
Dude, first of all, if you're a big black guy and you go to China to dunk on people,
that's a fucking hate crime.
How is that not these guys playing in the Asian League dunking?
I've been saying it forever, bro.
Jesus Christ.
That's a hate crime, dude.
This is the fucking modern-day Matthew Shepard right there.
Yeah, you're a terrorist.
You're a terrorist.
It's like when Americans go up to Canada and play football.
How dare you?
How fucking dare you, dude?
What else we got?
Let's do Debate Club.
Debate it up, Chin.
I don't like your energy right now.
Let's do Debate Club.
Here we go.
Yeah.
Here's the first one.
Yo, what up?
Debate Club.
Rock of love or flavor of love?
Bret Michaels or Flavor Flav?
I forgot the guys.
Who had the better show?
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, baby.
Buzz, buzz, baby.
He's on the toilet.
That's Andrew Ortiz.
That's him?
Of Pascal Washington.
Oh, I thought it was Andrew Ortiz, the boxer.
Me too.
Oh.
Can I say, you got that Sammy Sosa lotion.
Let's play it one more time for my boy.
I respect you for sending in.
He also is on the shitter.
Is he dropping some?
Dropping that Louisville slugger off in the pool.
Oh, yeah, dude. He's dropping
some sluggers off at the pool, man.
Here we go again. Yo. What's up, bro?
What up? Watch. The Bay Club.
Rock of love
or flavor of love?
He's not heavy in there, bro. He just pinched it off.
But you can't drop. You can't.
You can't hit that hard off your own fucking booty smoke.
You're in gang buzz, baby.
Oh, damn.
Flushing it on us, son.
All right, Mr. Ortiz.
Laying that Louisville Slugger wood in the toilet for us.
A couple of colon homies right here, dude.
I ain't about this shit, man.
Dropping that gang off in the toilet, bro.
Yeah, dude.
That dude's out there batching and fucking
videoing at the same time that's a hate crime isn't it oh yeah shit while you're sending someone
a video dropping them brown crips off so um so is flavor of love or rock love yeah i liked rock
love because you know that fuck you know that uh rock love was crazy i'll go because he's fucking
everybody he fucked all of them.
And he didn't hide it.
Like, Flavor Flav hit it.
Fucking shot, was it Bret Michaels?
Fucked everyone.
And he did it with makeup on,
had eyeliner and a headband
and cut off fucking jeans
and a fucking jacket like this with no sleeves
and just fucked everybody.
He proved you can wear anything and still fuck people.
With makeup on.
Yeah, but also fucking with that bandana on.
Power move.
Dude, I heard that they used to have this glue,
or sometimes they even do that.
It's the same type of stuff you use to keep a toupee in place.
Oh, like a facelift for them.
Yeah, it's like a glue that you can use that's still an adhesive
that you can also take off, but he used to use that on the inside of the bandana to keep it in. Super glue that you can use that's still an adhesive that you can also take off.
But he used to use that on the inside of the bandana to keep it in.
Super glue so it never fucking moved.
Yeah.
What was his biggest hit?
Huh?
Every rose has its stone.
We love how we steal in the dead of the night.
I feel like you've done some drugs to some fucking Bret Michaels.
Dude, I used to.
Back in the day, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Just you and a bunch of dudes.
Dude, we used to shoot arrows.
In that Dodge Neon.
Dude, my buddy had some bow and arrows,
and we used to shoot them at our neighbor's house
and listen to fucking porn, bro.
Ah, fuck, dude.
Those were the days.
We both lie silently still.
Hit a fucking window.
In the dead of the night.
I knew it, man.
Fucking rock of love all fucking day.
Ah, I'm shook. Ah, dude. I wish we could play those fucking it, man. Fucking rock love all fucking day. Awesome sugar.
Ah, dude. I wish we could play those
fucking tracks, bro.
Play the fucking tracks, man.
Pour some sugar on me
when you're feeling lonely.
That's not it, bro.
No, it's not it. That's a different song, dude.
I went to another beat. That's a song your male babysitter
fucking sang to you while you guys were fucking making
cookies. And he's laying on his back and you got fucking two cups of brown sugar.
All right, dude.
What the fuck are we talking about here?
Flavor love or flavor flake?
Rock a love.
Fuck flavor flake, bro.
With his big ass clog.
But I tell you what, they had that girl Hoops on there.
Hoops can get these clogs of nuts.
Hoops fucking dunked on Shaq.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah she did fuck
shack you right they married each other no no they didn't yeah they did i don't think so they broke
up and she said shack has a little ding dong yeah she says shack got that fucking spud web that's
what i heard yeah mogsy bugs she said yeah shack got that mogsy bugs dude no i love that friend
that says mogsyy Bucks.
No, they're dating and they broke up.
Yeah, they were dating. They did a parade.
Oops.
This is a bad man.
Shut your mouth.
So what was it again?
Rock of Love?
Or Flavor of Love.
Oh, man.
Flavor of Love had New York.
Remember New York?
Oh, dude.
New York.
She got her own spinoff.
She got her own spinoff and she was just a bitch.
Dude, remember in Flavor
of Love, the white girl, like the little white rat
spit in her face? Oh, Becky.
Was it Becky? Becky.
Pumpkin! Pumpkin spit
in fucking New York's face and there's a
straight brawl.
Yeah, you remember that? There was a Becky girl
who was a rapper too, a white
rapper. That's right!
She was dope. Yeah, she was dope. I think her name was Buck Wilde. Yeah a white rapper. That's right. Remember her? That's right, bro. She was dope.
Yeah, she was dope.
I think her name was Buck Wild.
Yeah, Becky Buck Wild, boy.
Becky Wild looks like your sister, bro.
Yeah, dude, looks like me almost.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You guys look very similar.
Same nose, same teeth.
Yeah, dude, she's fucking hot.
Yeah, not bad.
Who else is on there?
Let's look through a couple more people that were on the show.
Cramps. Wasn't one of them named Cramps? What were their names? Wasn't one named Corns? Yeah, I bet. Who else is on there? Let's look through a couple more people that were on the show. Cramps.
Wasn't one of them named Cramps?
What were their names?
Wasn't one named Corns?
Yeah, yeah.
Corns is a foot problem.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
That was her name.
Her feet were all fucked up.
They called her Corn Corns.
Yeah, they had Rock of Love, Love Bus.
Dude, fuck.
List of flavor of love contestants.
Click on something, Chan.
He's the worst Googler of all time.
He's wanting names or he wants pictures?
Who cares?
Anything better than you just fucking milling around.
Who's New York pumpkin, goldie, smiley, hottie, red oyster?
I bet she was a real friend of mine.
Red oyster, first of all.
Sweetie, peaches, serious.
Don't want her.
Hold on.
Apples, dimples, rain, Georgia.
Who's menthol?
Dude, who's Miss Latin?
Who is Cherry?
I can't believe I didn't get to name all these.
Who's Smokey?
Who's Leprosy?
That's one of them.
That's when your arm falls off.
Who's Herbs?
They got Toasty.
They got something.
That was my favorite, bro.
Something.
They got Patience.
Oh, wow, dude.
Patience.
Wow, them bitches can get it
Dude they got all
Think about the auditions
For them hood rats
Oh man
I bet it was chaos
Oh a lot of these girls
Seem oh like that
Was one of them
That was one of my
Toasty
I loved that show man
Oh fuck yeah
It was good
I liked a lot of these
Dude how much better
Is this show than
Gristle
One of them was named
Gristle bro
Fuck yeah
Gristle will suck your dick bro
Yeah dude Cramps Yeah Luscious deep Prancer I love this dude Gristle? One of them was named Gristle, bro. Fuck yeah. Gristle will suck your dick, bro. Yeah, dude.
Cramps.
Yeah.
Luscious deep.
Prancer.
I love this dude.
Bloated deep.
Dude.
How about.
This is crazy.
Bloated deep.
How about.
That's gravy.
Remember, that's one gravy did the dookie on there.
Dude, how about show T?
Yeah, dude.
Show T.
Okay, so this.
Okay.
That was Flavor Love.
That was kills.
Flavor Love fucking.
Was hilarious. Rock of so this show kills. Flavor Love fucking. It was hilarious.
Hilarious.
Rock of Love got a little, there was a lot of fucking and then people too exhausted from fucking to fight each other, I felt like.
I think there's too much fucking going on, too much cocaine, and they crashed real hard.
Yeah.
So you didn't get the best drama.
They crashed hard.
Can we get a couple of names?
They had some definitely names in this.
Tragedy was one of them.
Like, you know a girl is definitely from a rural area.
They always got a white girl named Tragedy.
Dude, at the strip club, Tragedy usually gets my money.
Dude, we had two.
In our neighborhood, we had a girl named Treasure and a girl named Tragedy.
Ooh, I like Treasure.
Yeah, Treasure's still beautiful.
Oh, no, or Precious.
No, we had Treasure.
No, Precious.
They might have precious.
Okay.
How much better were these shows than fucking The Bachelor?
The Bachelor sucks, man.
It's so serious.
Oh, I saw the guy last night on there.
He's crying.
Everybody left him.
The last woman jumped over a fence or something.
He jumped over the fence.
I'm a fucking jumper.
I was impressed with his hop.
Really?
Yeah, he can jump.
Yeah, click on some of this. That's a burger ad, Ken. Dude, this sucks. Let's move on. Click on the X. I'm a fucking jumper. I was impressed with his hop. Really? Yeah, he can jump. Yeah, click on some of this.
That's a burger ad, Chin.
Dude, this sucks.
You know what?
Let's move on.
Click on the X.
It's on the top left.
Jesus Christ.
Chin doesn't know how to internet.
Well, it's just, you know, false advertising on a lot of Asians.
Lacey right there.
Who else they got?
Keeps cruising.
Dude, Lacey was crazy.
Remember she wrote her parents?
Rodeo.
Yeah, Rodeo was crazy.
Dude, I love Rodeo.
Rodeo was 60, bro. Yeah,odeo. Rodeo was 60, bro.
Yeah, that's Dr. Quinn, medicine woman, bro.
Hey, bro, you were into her, huh?
No, no, no, I'll tell you who I loved.
I feel like Rodeo, if you had to pick.
I liked her Frenchie.
I don't like Frenchie.
Frenchie was on Botched, and she's a hot mess.
Yeah, she looks horrible.
She looks like a duck.
Well, she doesn't look horrible.
She looks like a nice lady, but she looks.
She looks like a fucking duck.
Yeah, she looks like she had too much plastic surgery.
She looks like a French duck. So we decided on Flavor of Love Yeah, she looks like she had too much plastic surgery. She looks like a French duck.
So we decided on Flavor of Love, though.
We went hard in the pain on Flavor of Love.
Yeah, Flavor of Love was funnier.
Yeah, Flavor of Love all day.
Rock of Love, too much violence, too much definitely sexually transmitted diseases.
Oh, dude, Daisy.
Daisy's the main one.
Dude, don't fucking touch me, bro.
Don't touch me.
Yeah.
You saw Daisy?
I saw Daisy at a coffee bean, dude.
I was sitting in there.
Bro, I was young and I was stronger.
And I remember sitting in there just thinking about shit.
And she walked in.
She had the tattoos all over on her arm.
The stars.
Dude, she was bad.
Daisy.
Did you get that bitch a dark roast?
Huh?
Did you get her the dark roast?
No, bro.
I just saw her and I just looked at her.
And then she left, man. Oh, bro. I just saw her, like, and I just looked at her, and then she left, man.
Oh, bro.
500 DMs now.
Oh, no, bro.
All right, let's move on to the next one.
The fans didn't agree with you.
They actually picked Flavor of Love.
They're racist, bro.
Wait, you guys did pick Flavor of Love, right? They picked Flavor of Love.
Oh, yeah, Flavor of Love.
They did agree with you.
Yeah, I take that back.
Next one, Chin.
All right.
This is Preston Thibodeau from Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge. Thibodeau? They did agree with you. Yeah, I take that back. Next one, Chin. All right.
This is Preston Thibodeau from Baton Rouge.
Baton Rouge.
Thibodeau?
Thibodeau?
Let's get him up here.
White guy from Thibodeau.
What's up, Theo and Brennan?
This is Preston coming at you from the outdoors in Louisiana.
Yeah.
All that stuff back there, that's Mardi Gras. And Theo, Brennan and these guys, they might not know about that little holiday hitter,
that Mardi Gras.
So learn them a thing or two and then answer this debate club question.
Mardi Gras or Halloween?
Which dark arts are you choosing?
Gang, bro, I'll tell you this.
Mardi Gras, the king of Egypt, got stranded in Louisiana for probably about two years.
And he had a boat full of bad bitches and cake.
And that's how it starts, man.
full of bad bitches and cake.
And that's how it starts, man.
40 days before Easter, you got Ash Wednesday.
The day before that, that's when you stop the party.
And so Tuesday is when the party stops.
That's Mardi Gras.
And it's about a month-long festival in Louisiana where, you know, a month before they start parades around the city.
So it's every weekend, you know, Friday, Saturday night, Wednesday night, Thursday.
They just got parades, bands, just going down the street.
Everybody's having a blast.
Yeah, you could piss off a balcony and somebody else will fucking drink it.
Dude, it's like the purge.
I've been there.
It's like the purge.
People die every year.
You rape people, it's all good.
It's the purge.
A lot of people get raped in Mardi Gras.
You can sleep in a porta potty, though, if you want to.
It's risky, but you could do it, bro. I've been there, bro, and it's insane. Mardi Gras all fucking day over Halloween. Here people get raped at Mardi Gras. You can sleep in a porta potty, though, if you want to. It's risky, but you could do it, bro. I've been there, bro, and it's
insane. Mardi Gras all fucking
day over Halloween. Here's the thing with Mardi Gras.
Everyone just shows their titties, and it's just
assumed. Like, you go there, and it's
tits heaven. And natural titties. I'm talking
about, yeah. Bitty titties. I'm talking about
Woodstock hitters, bro. I'm talking about those real
Yeah, you're talking about them real natural
Yeah, I'm talking about them. The natty ice tits.
Yeah, dude, I'm talking about a tit that maybe has never even seen a brassiere, you know?
And they're all very pale, typically.
Yeah, yeah, I'm talking about real tits, dude, something babies know more about.
I'm not talking about these fake, these cosmetic titties.
No, these big melons.
Yeah, I'm talking about.
Melons don't show up, do they?
No, the melons don't show up.
It's not that kind of place.
It's just, let's see, some old school, big old French
hitters. You said it best, man. Woodstock
tit. And it's just natural, and you can throw
beads at somebody. You could throw
an oyster. You could throw a fish stick
fucking 200 yards, and somebody will catch it in their
mouth. And eat it. You know what else you can do? When girls
show their tits, if you want, if you're on one of those balconies,
you want beads as a dude, put
your dick out. I did that.
People loved it, man.
Dude, they had a couple gay guys.
I remember one time the dude had to put his erection through the bars on the balcony.
Yeah, people would high-five it.
No, I didn't see that, bro.
Really?
People were trying to loop beads onto it, dude.
And you would see if you were like the strongest gay, this guy was like the Lou Ferrigno of fucking, you know, of booty wieners.
Because he could, bro, he could keep an erection through these Ferrigno of fucking, you know, of booty wieners because he could,
bro, he could keep an erection through these bars.
First of all, very hard to do.
That's an old prison trick, dude, when you can put your erection through steel bars of
a balcony of the railing and then have people loop beads onto it from the street from 15
feet below and catch as many pairs as you could.
Talent, bro.
Dude, I mean, beautiful to see.
I mean, it's that, you know.
It's an art.
It's an art.
Like when I went through, guys would have their cocks out and we'd high five them like this.
Like it was an alley of dicks.
I'd high five them like they were bars.
What, really?
Dude, I think that sounds like it was Bellator.
Are you sure that's what it was?
Yeah, you might be right.
Yeah, and Phil Davis did fight that.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
I have no idea.
Me neither.
I'm just making a bad joke.
Mardi Gras all day.
Mardi Gras all day, you think?
All day.
Over what?
Halloween's some bullshit.
Halloween's evil.
They give out candy.
You got to put so much effort in.
Sure, girls dress up like sluts, but you can't just have your titties out hanging down the alley.
That's true.
You can't just get your dick out and have guys high-fiving without getting arrested
on Halloween.
That's true.
Mardi Gras, everything goes.
I might have a little fucking po' boy.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Some crepes.
Yeah.
A dick suck.
Tits.
Beads.
Yeah, dude.
Any.
Chocolate milk.
Coffee.
Toss on some face paint if you want.
No one gives a fuck, dude.
Nobody gives a fuck, dude.
People don't even care if you don't even have a face, dude.
You just have a neck with a fucking face drawn on it, bro.
It's Mardi Gras.
People are having a blast.
There's horns.
People are dying.
People are burying people.
It's whatever, bro.
It's the purge.
It's the purge right before Ash Wednesday.
I just talked to my buddy Scott this morning.
He said, man, I woke up and it's taken me a couple days to recover.
Just the energy in the air of people just enjoying their lives
and just having fun.
Families out there.
Peyton Manning was out there.
Somebody had a video of him throwing a ball or something.
People are out there, dude.
Rich people, poor people.
Alligators getting fucked.
Everybody.
Everybody.
Somebody threw a snake one year at us, bro.
A fucking real snake.
It was awesome, dude.
It's the purge, bro.
Mardi Gras all day.
What else? Mardi Gras all day. What else?
Mardi Gras all day.
The fans picked Halloween.
68%.
That's because they've never been.
Yeah.
No, that's true.
You don't know what you don't know.
But Halloween, look, is a good time to rob people, too.
You know, you're at the front getting the candy and your buddies are in the back getting
the fucking silver wares.
What else we got, Chen?
All right.
This is Danny Cifuentes.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, it's Danny from Oklahoma.
Gang, gang.
Gang, gang.
Buzz, buzz.
What's up, brother?
I just wanted to ask y'all,
should video games be considered a sport?
Let me know what you guys think.
Love the show.
Thank you, guys.
Thanks, Danny. What out to that powerful gentleman.
Video games are considered a sport.
Them boys are making some serious
money playing those video games. Are they?
Millions of dollars playing video games. Really?
No way. Teams, leagues.
Yeah, esports is huge. However,
sports is, we're getting
a little loosey-goosey with the term sport.
Right. Like, is it a sport
if you're playing a video game?
And, you know, I understand the hand-eye coordination and stuff like that, but it doesn't take really
any physical attributes to be a good video gamer.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I guess that's true.
How heavy is the controller?
That's a good question, because if it's an old-school Nintendo 64 controller, those were
heavy.
Yeah, because we had steel controllers, solid steel controllers when I was growing up.
You had to have your buddy, you know, you almost had to wheel that thing into the room.
Yeah, I needed a spot to play some Mario Kart.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, dude, I had to wear one of those back belts just so I could play some Mario Kart.
A back brace?
Yeah.
Remember those, bro?
I had to wrap my knees.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, to play some fucking... I had to wrap my knees. Yeah, dude. Oh, to play some fucking.
I had to wrap my knees to play fucking Oddworld.
To play some double dribble, dude.
Some NBA jam, bro.
I had to get a neck brace.
I had to keep a bucket of water with a ladle in it by the fucking machine.
It was very grueling back in the day.
So this is debate club or the video game or not?
I would say no, but it is impressive what they're doing.
I like what they're doing, but it's not a sport.
Well, what do you think defines a sport?
So what is it, a competition?
No, it's a competition.
If we're playing checkers, is that a sport?
That's a competition.
Okay, so that's a competition.
So the esports, it's a competition.
It's not a sport. It's a skill. It's a's a competition. So would you consider this – so the esports, it's a competition. It's not a sport.
It's a skill.
It's a skill.
Yeah.
It's a highly skilled competition.
Okay.
Just like math or anything, really.
But it's more fun, probably.
There you go.
I'll say no, but I appreciate what they're doing.
Yeah, I think probably no as well.
I think once we start saying it's a sport, then it's just going to be –
It's cooking a sport.
Yeah, and it's also, if you look at it in some places, it's almost a little bit of electronic slavery. You got a lot
of white guys with controllers controlling
black people. But they're made by Asians.
So it's a melting pot.
Asians make it, white dudes play it,
but they're virtual black guys.
I like that. Or they're aliens.
Everybody's in. The whole world's in.
You're right. Dude, what if we get to aliens
and they're just playing fucking sport and video
games, bro?
That's all they're doing? Yeah, and you we get to aliens and they're just playing fucking sports, video games, bro? But, yeah, that's all they're doing?
Yeah, and you look on the screen and it's just like your family.
They're just playing Sims.
It's like, what the fuck, dude?
Simulation.
Take it easy, Eddie, bro.
I'm just saying, man.
I hear you, bro.
Look into it.
I know.
I know, bro.
I know, bro.
Tower 7, bro.
But if that's a sport, then jacking off, master baiting, is that a sport?
I'm playing with myself.
It's a competition with myself.
I don't want to bust a nut early.
Do you win every time?
And I sweat.
I burn more calories busting nuts.
Do you really?
Oh, I'll get after it.
Can you run and jerk off at the same time?
No, no, no, no.
Dig don't work while moving, man.
Really?
Yeah, it's science.
Now, here's what I'm talking about.
The tubing shuts down.
Here's the sport.
You run.
You have to stop at a line and come at that moment and see how far you can get it.
You're talking about a glory hole?
No, no, no, no.
No.
That's something in college, dude.
I'm talking about outdoors.
You go somewhere.
You get a piece of something that draws a line, yellow tape or chalk.
You draw a line.
Sure.
You back up 100 yards.
You start jerking off.
Okay.
You run as fast as you can.
You have to stop
as close as you can to the line
and come at the same moment
or ejaculate at the same moment
and see how far it goes.
To come put.
Like a shot put?
Yeah.
Come put.
Yeah.
To come put.
To come sling.
Not sling.
It's not slinging.
No, I'm slinging mine.
Like a shot put.
If you want to try that,
but to run that fast
and then spin in a circle
and fucking get it going
the same direction at the right, you can't do that shit. I that fast and then spin in a circle and fucking get it going
The same direction at the right people can't do this right now people you wet
Sprinkler people get wet and I'll play that game
I'll play bro people need a wet if you invite people to watch you people that want to get wet gay men who are just you
Know leaving a parade and no competition, bro. We're all gonna be there.. Oh, okay. But I'm not going to be. I'm going to be at the starting line, bro. Yeah, you don't want to get wet.
I'm not going to be in the fucking bus section.
You don't want to get Cinnabon'd.
You don't want to get iced up, bro.
So here's what I'm saying.
Do you think you could, because all that energy is going to be in your body.
You're going to be running, running, running.
You slide right to the line and then you hit.
Yeah.
It'd be tough.
It'd be a good sport.
Yeah.
You should embed a new sport.
So that's a sport, right?
Don't fucking come on me.
So the fans agreed with you. 70%
said no, it's not a sport. Good.
I appreciate it. I respect it, but it's not a sport.
Alright, this one's from Keith and his family.
Debate Club.
Adam Sandler.
Jim Carrey.
Don't touch me, bro.
Jim Carrey. Adam Sandler. Cute family, man. And he has that't touch me, bro. Jim Carrey. Adam Sandler.
Huge family, man.
And he has that long rat tail, bro.
Beautiful, yep.
You missed that rat tail, didn't you?
No.
Straight out of Lord of the Rings.
Look, I know him from the cheese plate, baby.
Rats represent rats, baby.
Yes, sir.
This is a tough one.
Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler.
Now, longevity, if you talk about the Cal Ripken of comedies, Adam Sandler.
You talk about one hitter quitter, Bo Jackson style, Jim Carrey.
Bro, Jim Carrey did enough out of the gate so that he could go sit in the stands and relax and enjoy his life
and leave Adam Sandler out there still running on the track trying to catch up.
Adam Sandler, I love Adam Sandler.
His new comedy special, Very Funny,
has made some not funny films.
Well, hold up.
If you're going to make 100 films,
all of them can't be great.
You're going to have some hitters and some misses.
But 90 of them shouldn't be bad.
How did...
Bro, I will quit this show right now.
Dude, Adam Sandler?
He has some hitters.
Bro, there's a series of about eight movies
where nobody can even name one of the titles.
I can.
What are they?
Which one do you want?
Where do you want me to start?
She got Billy Madison.
Okay.
Happy Gilmore.
Those are good.
Ready?
Mm-hmm.
Anger Management.
Was he in it?
Of course.
Then it was, yeah.
Jack Nicholson.
Water Boy.
Water Boy, pretty good.
I saw it the other day.
Pretty good?
You were an extra in it.
Well, I-
Click.
Good movie.
Click wasn't good.
Spanglish. Amazing movie. Spanglish was not that great. Dude, Spang were an extra in it. Click. Good movie. Click wasn't good. Spanglish. Amazing movie.
Spanglish was not that great. Dude.
Spanglish is good, dude. I respect
Spanglish. People struggling to speak a new language,
but I don't think the film was that good.
You should re-watch it. Okay, I'll
re-watch it. The one where he's a twin.
He plays both the woman and the male character.
Very underrated. Great movie.
That's My Boy. Great
movie. The movie's not called That's My Boy. Great movie.
The movie's not called That's My Boy. It's called Daddy.
Nope.
It's called That's My Boy.
What's the movie with him and the kid pissing on the building?
That was good.
Dude, you're talking about.
Step Daddy.
No.
What is that movie?
Trick Daddy.
Baby Godama.
What is it?
Big Daddy.
Big Daddy was good.
Big Daddy was good.
Great movie, bro.
Okay.
Good movies.
Ready for this?
The most recent hit that he's had?
A bunch of them, and they're hits.
Transylvania.
If you have kids, they're mega hits.
Transylvania 1, hard as fuck.
It's easy to impress a kid.
Transylvania 2, hard as fuck.
Transylvania 3, amazing.
Are they animated?
Yeah, amazing.
Okay, that doesn't count.
Wow, you're an animator.
I'm not an animator.
I love Adam Sandler, man.
But I'm saying this.
Jim Carrey, he's Hale-Bopp, dude.
He's something that happens once in a jillion years, dude.
And it only goes across the sky, and it can only burn that bright for so long.
I think he's gone AWOL recently with a lot of this political mumbo-jumbo.
Huh?
All he does is paint and hate on Trump.
Yeah, that's crazy, man.
He's basically Michael Rappaport.
Correct.
But creative.
Yeah, but creative, yeah.
But, dude, you watch The Mask.
You watch Truman Show.
Ace Ventura 1 and 2.
You watch In Living Color.
Dumb and Dumber.
Dumb and Dumber.
If you want to go to the, I mean, come on.
Dude, Adam Sandler, Saturday Night Live, Lunch Lady.
Okay.
That's true.
And then he did sold out HBO special concerts. Yeah, concerts. Get out of here with concerts. Oh, that's true. And then he did sold out HBO special concerts.
Yeah, concerts. Get out of here with concerts.
Oh, dude. Get out of here with
concerts. I love fucking Garth Brooks over here,
but I'm saying if you're the comedian
with the fucking... But it's comedy
concerts. Yeah, that's, dude, nobody
ever thinks that's comedy. Yeah, it's
a good song, dude. It's a fucking good Jewish medley.
I love it. Lunch lady, lunch lady
lady. I love it. Good stuff, launch later, later. I love it.
Good stuff.
So the thing is, I think it's tough.
It's kind of like LeBron versus Jordan in a way because they're so different.
But they both played so long.
Well, LeBron and Jordan played a long ass time.
Jim didn't play that long in the comedy game.
You know what I'm saying?
Adam's the Cal Ripken of comedy.
He's still on it.
Keep it on.
Keep it on. Like, Adam's the Cal Ripken of comedy. He's still on it, keeping on it, keeping on it.
But he got more to a producer and turned less and less into the element of entertainment.
Here's the other thing that you got to appreciate.
And these are just my thoughts.
Adam Sandler has all his boys with him.
Only does movies and puts all his boys in them.
So everyone gets a job.
Chris Rock, all his boys.
Okay.
And what about Jim Carrey?
He put that guy Jeff Daniel in there from Who's the Boss or whatever.
Yeah, Jeff Daniels was famous already, and they're not really boys, but yeah. What about Jim Carrey? He put that guy Jeff Daniel in there from Who's the Boss or whatever. Yeah, Jeff Daniels was famous already, and they're not really boys, but yeah.
What about this?
He put that fucking fat guy that ate the pills and got the indigestion and died.
Oh, the rat pills in Dumb and Dumber.
Yeah, good points, bro.
He put the blind kid in there.
Who puts fucking blind people in movies?
Nobody.
I don't think you can pick one.
There's two different flavors, whatever flavor you prefer.
But you're talking about two polar opposites.
I'll go to the audience on this one, man.
It's a great discussion.
It was probably the closest one ever.
They said 55% to 45%.
Jim Carrey wins.
Smart people.
Jim Carrey is one of my favorite people of all time.
That's fine.
Well, you didn't mention that.
Well, I went hard on the pain line on him, sadly, because he's my favorite.
Yeah.
What else you got?
All right, this is Rit My Drip.
And the first one is Dylan, a.k.a my favorite. Yeah. What else you got? All right, this is Rit My Drip.
And the first one is Dylan, a.k.a.
Millsy.
They call him the young Brandon Showers.
It's Brendan Showers, you moron.
Yeah, sure it is, Bran.
What I'm saying is this, dude. Theodore Van Helsing, take it easy.
Oh, my God, dude.
This guy looks like he injected a hit of fucking D-ball into his ass cheek, and it dressed him.
And it also sprouted a fucking outfit from Claire's boutique.
Dude, this boy looks like he got a fresh young haircut, got that dope-ass jean jacket.
I think those are some Adidas and some tight-ass jeans.
He looks fly to me.
I had nothing to say.
It looks like he was dressed by Brendan.
He looks fly as fuck.
This guy looks like new kids on the cock, bro.
This dude looks fucking.
Millsy, respect, bro.
I love you, son.
Brendan showers.
But you coming in with that fucking dude.
Brendan showers.
The water's getting cold, bro.
You better fucking check the pilot light on your heater, daddy.
You look fly to me, bro.
Bro, you look super fly, dude. He looks like you'd jump right into the Backstreet Boys right now your heater, daddy. You look fly to me, bro. Bro, you look super fly, dude.
He looks like you'd jump right into the Backstreet Boys right now.
Yeah, dude, and you could jump right out, bro.
Dude, I'm saying this, bro.
I think you look nice.
You seem like a nice guy, Connie.
You have a wooden floor in the room.
I like that.
Looks like a nice place.
Let me ask you this.
I always say this when guys critique other dudes' fashion.
What's his girl think about it?
Yeah.
But what's your girl?
Whenever someone clowns on my fashion, I go, that's cool.
Ask your girl what she thinks.
Ask Tiff what she thinks, dude.
I'm not doing it for you, bro.
I can tell this dude's straight up out of Jersey or fucking PA.
So ask Tiff.
Ask your girl Tiff or Gina what she thinks.
If Tiff likes it, she's stroking it right.
Keep dressing like an asshole.
Those pants are tight, dude.
Those pants are fucking dang.
Get them dick wrinkles out.
That's why I do it.
Yeah, you got to iron that cock, daddy.
Hell yeah.
But thank you for sending that in, Millsy Gang.
Flaunt that schnauzer.
What else we got?
All right, this is Jess Abron from Montreal.
Oh, damn, bro.
Oh, damn.
That's Jack Sparrow's fucking cum dumpster, bro.
Whoa.
What?
What?
What are you talking about, dude?
She looks like Carmen Sandiego fucking woke up.
Carmen, come and suck me off.
You don't have a thigh tattoo like that and don't slang dick, bro.
I've been in too many strip clubs.
Dude, everything that comes up, you just say it has come in or it's been slang and dick.
Oh, my God, bro.
What are you talking about?
She's like Carmen Sandiego accidentally woke up and, like, she set the timer wrong, dude,
and woke up in, like, French Canada, dude, at a crazy party.
She looks like Carmen Sandiego got roofied at Johnny Depp's house and woke up and he dressed her like this.
Yeah, man, she's definitely a beautiful lady, though.
Look at her.
She looks like Julia Roberts.
She makes me want to put on a couple of Julia rubbers, you know what I'm saying, dude?
She definitely looks like the kind of lady that I'd put on a nice tuxedo for.
Maybe that's why I even wore this shirt today.
Yeah, because you knew she was coming.
Yep, beautiful lady.
She's one of those, what do they call them?
Pirates.
Yep, she's like a pirate lady, wenches.
She looks like a musketeer.
Yeah, she looks like a musketeer.
She looks like a buccaneer.
She looks like a busketeer, dude.
Busty tear.
Yeah, but she seems educated. She looks like a busketeer, dude. Busty tear. Yeah. But she
seems like, you know, educated. She's got some
tattoos on her. She's got a bird up on her
chest. She has a lot of plants growing, so
you know she can take care of you if you need it.
Yeah, she's a caretaker. She has that gun, that
pistol, bro. That pistow.
She's got that fucking... She looks like she's...
Got that titty tat. Yeah,
man. That fucking... That little milk
riddle written right up above her tits, man.
She got that little fucking, that little paragraph, bro.
Yeah, I'm not mad at that.
That little paragraph, dude, yeah.
Interview with a tramp hire, dude.
I'd like to meet this lady.
But she might not be a tramp.
She seems like also.
Interview with a tramp, bro.
She looks healthy.
She looks pretty tall.
She's sitting down, but she could also be tall.
She got that Transylvania vibe, huh?
Yeah, dude.
And I'm in a trance, bro.
Beautiful lady right in my alley.
Julia Roberts.
I love Julia Roberts.
Yeah, she don't look like Julia Roberts, but I feel it, yeah.
So what do you think, Chin?
I think she's hot.
Yeah, I bet you do, Chin.
I know I do.
You're a pervert.
Thanks.
Okay, who else?
What else we got?
This is... Yeah, Chinga. And also, the only reason we're judging the lady, I bet you do, Chin. I know I do. You're a pervert. Thanks. Okay, who else? What else we got? All right.
This is...
Yeah, Ching.
And also, the only reason we're judging the lady, she sent a picture of herself in to
rip my drip.
How the fans know this, dude?
Okay, I'm just letting you know.
It's not like we just...
I'm not being mean.
She's a beautiful, gorgeous, young buccaneer.
Yeah, dude.
Who didn't drain the...
Keep going, Chin.
Aren't you out of semen yet?
You busted so many hypothetical nuts on this episode. It's crazy, right? It's crazy, right? Jeepers. Christ, what's in your cup, dude? Boner patrol, Chin. Aren't you out of semen yet? You busted so many hypothetical nuts on this episode.
It's crazy, right?
It's crazy, right?
Jeepers, Christ.
What's in your cup, dude?
I'd be afraid to even sip out of your cup if I'm you.
Yeah, I bet.
All right, this is Earl McKenzie from a place called Lake Los Angeles.
I saw him in the Michael Jackson doc.
Did you really?
Yeah, I did, because he hangs around little boys in the Barnes & Noble.
He's clearly at Barnes & Noble shooting fucking those guns.
He makes balloons for kids.
Oh, hell yeah.
You can't trust no one that makes balloons, bro.
That's an assault rifle.
Where is he selling these on the Vegas Strip?
This is fucking unbelievable, man.
He's selling, oh, he's a...
You trust that dude?
Billy Balloons over here?
Look, I think it is a beautiful craft of being able to make stuff out of a balloon.
Or the worst craft in the world.
You think so?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
I think you can get a couple balloons and next thing you know, you got a sandwich for a homeless guy.
Dude, I've seen a couple homeless dudes eating into a balloon muffalata.
And they didn't know, dude.
Eating an air falafel.
Oh, yeah, a couple air falafels.
A couple air pitas.
Oh, dude, man.
You got that fucking beef on wick over there.
At the end, everybody's fucked up.
You know what I'm saying?
Including him and the homeless.
Dude, you bring over a six-pack of air donuts
to a couple of homeless people, bro,
and it's breakfast.
Dude, that's breakfast.
Shout out to Earl McKenzie, though.
But also, let's not make AK-47s in the fucking Barnes & Noble.
He's at a CVS, first of all.
They know CVS, bro.
I think if you want to bring a gun to a CVS dude, have at it, you know?
They got everything else in there.
You should be able to bring a gun.
Also, the tip of that gun looks pretty suspect.
Yeah, it got that wing-heavy style. Look into it be able to bring a gun. Also, the tip of that gun looks pretty suspect. Yeah, it got that wingery style.
Look into it.
It got that dick gun.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
I'm trying to avoid the dick talk after I've been saying it so much,
but don't make an AK-47 cock gun.
I'm just saying, look into it.
It's that heady Bravo if you look at that thing, bro.
I'm just saying, look into it.
All right, what else have we got?
But thank you, man.
Yeah, it seems like obviously it's an Irish guy or a Jewish guy.
Keep making balloons, bro.
Yeah, he could be Italian also, very tall, nice pants.
And look, man, here's the thing.
He's out there putting in work.
At least he ain't make a rose or something like that.
Yeah, at least he's creative, you know?
Yeah, he's making guns.
Creepy creative, I call him.
He's making guns.
He's making shanks.
I'd like to see him make a really sharp, sharp, sharp balloon and see if somebody else could stab somebody with it, you know, or fight the enemy.
What else we got?
All right, the next one is relationship advice.
All right.
And this is Jordan Frenna from Qatar.
What's going on, boys?
Excuse the shirtless appearance.
I'm not mad at the hair.
I'm just at a pizza something I'm about to bust.
How? You decide.
Anyway, I need some advice.
I just moved to Qatar in September.
I'm teaching out here. I'm in this little ditty.
I've fallen for her quite a bit.
Problem is, she's quite a bit inexperienced, which, you know, I dig that.
It's cute.
But, you know, I'm one of only kind of three or four guys she's ever slept with,
and she's not that much of a firecracker in the bedroom.
How do I bring her out of a shell and make this little angel a little demon?
I tried a little finger in the pooper and some doggy-style booty munch
when we were drunk, but.
That's too much too soon, bro.
I don't know if she dug it
gang gang
buzz buzz
what did he try
what's our brother
he tried putting a digit
in the pooper
oh wow
it's early for that bro
and is he a medical professional
he's not bro
that's what I'm saying
did you use a certain
right of lube
there's a lot that goes
into this bro
you can't just put
digits in asses
and expect him to
oh my god
you have to keep
saying it out loud
sorry dude we're dealing with this this guy really needs our help man here's the thing You can't just put digits in asses and expect them to. Oh, my God. You have to keep saying it out loud.
Sorry, dude, but we're dealing with this.
This guy really needs our help, man.
Here's the thing.
You ever bought a new horse?
You got to break that thing in, man.
That horse just doesn't go and just start fucking all fucking wild.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to control that thing. You look like Jim Scary right now, bro.
You got to fucking control that thing and then ease into it.
Then after a month or so,
it starts jumping through the holes and
Mr. Hands and that ass. That's that equestrian.
Yeah, bro. Yeah, you can't take a pony
and think it's going to do equestrian, brother.
You know what I'm saying? This thing's used to walking back and
forth at birthdays right now. And you're
trying to get that thing out there and jump those little lakes.
You know, so you got to be careful,
man. You can't feed a carrot to something that's been eating
hay. So you got to slow it down, brother You can't feed a carrot to something that's been eating hay. So you got to slow it
down, brother. You know what I'm saying?
Brother, you bought a lab hoping you got a pit bull.
Well, teach that lab to have them pit bull
tendencies in the sheets. Yeah, man, but I'd
start with a frisbee. I'd start with something chill,
man. And also,
you're out there in Qatar.
If they even catch y'all fucking,
they're going to kill you. Both of you, huh?
Yeah. Didn't even think of that, did you?
Yeah.
I don't even know if you should even be sending this through the airwaves, dude.
You might have just gotten yourself electrocuted.
Yep.
Lucky you're not in North Korea.
So good luck out there, bro.
Good luck, bro.
But take it easy.
If you like it that much, you can teach a new dog old tricks.
Yeah, man.
Just enjoy the time.
You got this gentle little lamb, bro, and you trying to make lamb chops all of a sudden.
Yeah, bro, you got veal.
Chill.
Yeah, bro, you got that veal.
Trying to put them digits in the pooper.
Relax, bro.
Jesus, why do you have to keep saying it, dude?
Because homeboy needs help.
I'm trying to help him.
I haven't even eaten breakfast yet.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Shout out to that guy.
Go on, Chin.
All right.
This is Zachary Nord.
What's up, Tare and Brendan?
This is Zach.
I'm 22.
I currently live in Miami.
I'm Swedish and Australian.
See you soon, bro.
And my submission today is just asking you boys for a little bit of relationship advice.
I know you two are old as shit, so you can give me some heads up on it, considering that
I'm still a youngling.
But basically, about a month ago, my girlfriend
broke up with me kind of out of the blue.
I didn't really get an answer.
The answer I got was very vague.
And
my question is basically, should I
contact her and
see how she's doing, maybe try
to make up or should I just
say fuck it and continue the
rampage that I've been on since then?
Gang gang.
Buzz buzz. Bro, easy
with the fucking rampage
thing. Because I'll tell you this, any dude
in the world who thinks he's going on a rampage,
a solid three can go
on some serious rampages for a
girl. Any girl
you're rampaging on, girls
can get all the dick they want.
If you and I go to a bar tonight and you're like, dude, I'm
trying to get my dick sucked.
You're a decent looking dude. Your haircut kind of
fucks those people off. Whatever.
You dress weird. You smell weird.
But when we go in there, you might get a girl
to suck you off. We can't guarantee it.
If Kat goes into a bar and goes, you know what?
I'm going to suck a dude off tonight.
10 out of 10 times, she's sucking dudes off.
If she wants to.
That's what I'm saying.
She wants to.
I'm assuming she did.
That's a hypothetical situation.
What I'm saying to him is, relax on Rampage.
She dumped you for a reason.
Move on, bro.
You're 22.
There's so many fish in the sea.
Yeah.
There's so many fish in the sea.
Why fuck the one that screwed you over?
Move on, bro.
Well, in my hypothetical scenario,
this cat's doing different stuff,
enjoying her time, reading,
maybe having a snow cone or an icy or something.
You're not just sucking people off, cat,
if you want to.
You're also having other things you can do.
But I'm saying this guy, Swedish, Australian,
dude, you're lucky to be in the States, okay?
So first of all, count your blessings right there, Zeno, you know?
But I respect you calling in, man.
And I say, look, she made her choice.
Let her ride, bro.
It's going to be hard.
But in those moments where you stay strong and do your own thing, because you're not really, it's not really her you want back.
It's just you want to even out that teeter-totter of loss.
You feel like she, you know, like you were high in the air, and she got off that bitch,
and you hit the ground.
So you want to just – but I say the way to win is to keep cruising
in your own direction, man.
And you're in Miami, dude.
Who even knows?
You could fucking – they got beautiful fish out there.
You could fuck something a couple feet offshore, bro.
Just swim with the direction, and you'll fucking bang something hotter
than anything we've ever seen.
Preach, you could trip on the sidewalk
and fall into a Cuban ass.
What are we talking about here?
You could fall into a fucking stingray's butt, dude,
if you swim fast enough, dude.
You got all kinds of opportunities out there.
Dropping knowledge, son.
Don't fucking touch me.
Bro, find a batch of soft coral, bro.
You know, and get that oral.
Get that tilapia, bro.
Yeah, bro, get that tilapia, bro. Tilapia on get that oral. Get that tilapia, bro. Yeah, bro, get that tilapia, bro.
Tilapia on you, bro.
That's a slopia, bro.
Get out there and fucking get lit, son.
Get an erection and just swim as far as you can off the coast, bro.
That's such good advice.
Yeah, dude.
It's America, bro, and you're not allowed to do that over here.
You'll probably run into a Cuban swimming across the border, bro.
Dude, definitely, dude.
They need a good companion.
You're fucking in the water. Yeah, wet dick, dry dick, bro. Do whatever you got the border, bro. Dude, definitely, dude. They need a good companion. You're fucking in the water.
Yeah, wet dick, dry dick, bro.
Do whatever you got to do, man.
It's your America for six to nine months, and then you got to fucking go home, buddy.
That's the rules.
That's how it's lit up.
Welcome to our country.
Yep, but Zeno, man, we're happy to have you.
And yeah, we are old as fuck, and yeah, we do only have limited advice.
But we've also fucked in territorial waters. Oh dude
bro I'll fucking. Dude I used to have
a boat and I would just go out and fuck people
out there in the middle of the ocean. Me too. I'd just
jump off. Jump off shores.
Turtles, humans, whatever. Yeah.
So. Well
that's it. Shout out to that guy.
But thank you Zachary. Was it Zachary?
Zachary Nord. Alright now it's time for King
of the Sting. Let's give him that fucking one-two special hitter, bro.
We'll rip through these.
Let's go.
All right, this is Jessica Pera.
Dan, what's up, girl?
Hairless cats.
King It or Sting It.
Ding, ding.
Buzz, buzz.
Buzz, buzz, beautiful girl.
Ding, ding.
What's the thing?
Here's the thing, Theo, about hairless cats.
You're talking about the ball sack of animals.
They're weird, dude.
The cats are always real shy and scared because they're fucking hairless.
They're terrified, man.
I don't trust anyone with a hairless cat.
That's alopecia.
That's that cancer patient from Noah's Ark.
Right.
And what I'm saying is this, dude.
They're not my favorite animal.
They are alarming.
They're basically the snakes of cats.
That's a good point, the snake of the cats.
No one really wants one.
They're creepy when you do actually see one.
They look like nuts when you see them.
Yeah, they look like nuts that fucking have eyes and also can eat fish.
Yeah, you're right. And climb well.
Yeah, they just make me nervous.
But also, I think you can learn a lot from them, maybe, like, about, you know, not judging.
Never giving up.
Yeah, never giving up.
Imagine having no hair on your body, dude.
No eyebrows.
No whiskers.
No eyebrows.
No whiskers.
No eyelashes.
Your asshole's just out.
Think about their tail.
Their hairless tail, asshole.
You see pure asshole on these cats.
That's crazy, man.
Crazy, right?
Who wants pure asshole?
Yeah, they're still living.
They're still doing the damn thing.
Yeah, and that's true.
They don't give up.
I'll say this.
They're not quitters.
They're not quitters.
I think if you have more than one, you definitely should go to jail.
I agree.
I think if you have one that you picked up off the web or the dark web, that's fine.
You get that little hairless cat to nuzzle up on your neck, though.
It feels like a nice ball sack right on your neck, nice and warm, though.
If that's what you're into, bro.
I think she's into that.
I don't know what you're saying right now, dude, or how you have any idea of that.
Even if I think about something like that,
no thoughts come into my head.
So that's interesting.
But you seem like a nice lady,
and I appreciate you taking care of that endangered animal.
Me too.
Shout out to hairless cats.
So are we kidding or stinging?
Probably sting hairless cats.
Yeah.
Fucking weird.
Get a regular hair cat, dude.
Yeah, or just put a wig on a cat.
This here is Gerald.
Gerald.
35 years old from Alberta, Canada.
Can you smell my cologne from here?
Gray hair.
Should I dye it or rock the grays?
Most of my friends are going bald, so I say just rock the grays like a young Richard Gere, I think.
What do you guys think?
What would I do?
I would leave it, bro.
That lets chicks know you got some wisdom to you.
Leave it or beaver, dude.
What I'm saying is beaver.
A little salt and pepper.
Yeah, you want that salt and pepper, dude.
You don't want all salt.
You want the little salt and pepper.
Chicks dig that older vibe.
Yeah.
You want that fucking cinnamon, bro.
It's like you're the big tree in the forest.
The bigger the tree, the more wrinkles, the better.
Yeah, there's something nice about having uh here's the thing though i think if you get the gray hairs then you got to have them more
stylish you got to go stylish you can't go you can like look like kind of rogue when you have
colored hair but when you got uncolored hair can't go messy yeah you can't do as messy because you
look like something's fucking wrong with you yeah you look like you've never made it in life.
Yes.
Like you can't pay the bills.
Yeah, like you don't have a job or a family or any hope inside of your heart.
Yeah, don't have a savings account.
Yeah.
Put some gel in your fucking hair if you can go salt and pepper.
Show a little respect.
Yeah, get a shavings account if you have a fucking, if you got too much white, you got to tighten it up.
You're right.
But also dye that shit, bro.
You got the rest of your life to fucking look whited out, bro. You don't want to look like a damn senior citizen. I mean, you got grays, up. You're right. But also dye that shit, bro. You got the rest of your life to fucking look whited out, bro.
You don't want to look like a damn senior citizen.
I mean, you got grays, bro.
I got some.
So do I.
You do?
Don't I?
I feel like I do.
I mean, you have grays in your beard like a billy goat.
Yeah.
You look like an old billy goat, huh?
There's probably a billy goat in my family tree, dude.
Yeah, for sure.
Okay, definitely one of the branches.
That explains a lot.
It has some animals on it.
I'll say king going salt and pepper.
I don't think you should diet.
Oh, wow, really?
I don't think you should diet.
Dude, I don't—
I need to know your situation, where you live, where you hang out.
But if you're looking for the experience, trying to find a nice weathered woman, leave that shit.
I think a lot of these days, I think it's nice to have some, but if you get too much, bro, then diet, dude.
I'm going to say, what was the question again?
Can you understand gray hair?
Leaving it?
Leaving it in?
I say sting it, man.
Diet up.
King it.
Last one, bro.
All right, last one.
Mark Banks from Wacoma, Iowa.
Hey, yo, Brendan.
You got to ask him for help.
Can you get her stinging.
Is he in the avalanche?
Blizzards.
You know what my choice is.
You know what my choice is?
You know what my choice is.
You know what my choice is.
He likes them.
I king this dude.
I fucking sting blizzards, but I king the Dairy Queen blizzards.
Yeah.
Because I fucking love those, bro.
Yeah.
When they put the fucking Reese's in them.
And you know how you know you got a good one?
They got to turn it over.
If it falls, you get the drink for free.
Really?
Yeah.
If it falls, it means it's not thick enough.
That's the rule?
That's the rule, bro.
I didn't know that.
I used to have a Fred work there.
Made the meanest DQ blizzards
this side of Mississippi. I thought the lady
just had this OCD thing where she would just
always do like that. Yeah. Nah, man.
They let anybody work in here.
They flipping the food over in this motherfucker.
Yeah, shit was great. Dude, I say King it, man.
This guy looks like a brave man. This is the most
manly person that's hit this
entire soft-ass
episode. So this guy's standing in a
fucking blizzard with ice on his face.
Dude, his eyebrows are frozen.
Yeah, bro, this guy, dude. His frozen eyebrows.
Yeah, dude, this guy
definitely looks like he's about to get
straight bit by a polar bear, bro.
It looks like the coach for the Green Bay Packers.
Yeah, look at his fucking
eyebrows, dude. They're frozen solid.
He has an inch of snow on each eyebrow.
He has icies for eyebrows.
And then look at his left eye.
Yeah, it's frozen shut.
Frozen.
Yeah, frozen shut, dude.
What a gangster.
I'm kinging this dude.
Yeah, I'll king this dude, and I'll watch this dude do any blizzard, any type of weather,
bro.
That's fucking Weather Wendell right there, and that dude knows how to fucking get out
in it.
Fuck yeah, got that Doppler.
Oh, yeah.
This guy could survive an avalanche.
This guy could...
I bet you could shoot this guy straight into the fucking sun.
Dude, I would have him...
And he'd be all right.
I would shoot a show with him.
He's in a blizzard eating a blizzard.
Yeah.
I'd watch that shit.
Ooh, I'd watch that.
That's somebody's uncle.
Yeah.
Called The Blizzards.
Well.
Is that it? That's it. Perfect, man. We have Flaunt My Aunt, though. Called the Blizzards. Well. Is that it?
That's it.
Perfect, man.
We have Flop My Aunt, though.
I think we're good.
Really?
You want to do Flop My Aunt?
Who do we got, champ?
All right.
So, ready?
First, Flop My Aunt.
This has a little message attached to it, too.
Okay.
So, her name is Aunt Toby from Baytown, Texas, who's enjoying the Caribbean life in Jamaica.
And she makes the best damn pecan pie in the game.
All right. Oh, shit.
You got that pumpkin pie haircut, too.
Dude, she gots that fucking
dumb and dumber hairstyle.
I'm not mad at it.
Got the collar poppin'.
Oh, yeah, man. Look at that hand stroke.
She got that Jimmy Chitwood off the edge, bro.
Dude, she got that swing.
She got that swish-swish. That swish or sweet, you got that swing. That's that hard hitter, dude. She got that swish swish.
Oh, yeah.
That swisher sweet.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, she's running that fucking picket fence, bro.
She's fucking, that is dark art, dude.
She's fucking a scary bird out there, bro.
That bitch is shooting.
That's a six pointer, bro.
That bitch is going.
She looks like the shoot you step on her lawn.
She gives that type of vibe.
Oh, bro.
She looks like fucking Kevin X Hale, bro.
She's got that Kevin McHale style.
Doesn't she look just like Kevin McHale?
Dude, she looks like Rex Chapman.
Let's bring up a picture of Kevin McHale.
Can you chance?
You're working over there.
Ooh, she does.
Is that the guy I'm talking about?
Bro, good fucking call, bro.
Bring that K-Mic.
Don't touch me.
Dude, for fuck's sake.
Kevin McHale dick, right?
She's got that K-Mic right there.
Look at the younger picture of him when he actually played ball, bro.
See when he had the fucking floppy top.
Dude, they look exactly the same.
Might be the same person.
Did he go transgender?
No.
Is he in the transition?
She also has a little bit of that, she looks like Lou Holtz in the face a little bit.
She's a little bit like Nolan Ryan as well.
Yeah, but look.
With a bowl cut.
First of all, let's say this.
Obviously, she's running the table at these places.
Look at that guy.
Look at fucking.
Bro, get your dick out of my face.
Look at Chubby Bubby right next to her.
Dude, look at fucking.
Look at the race car McGee pants over there.
I know, dude.
His ass cheeks out the back.
Dude, show a little respect for fucking Kevin McHale
over there balling on the court.
Yeah, she's got the water cup.
She's just starting off.
She's got her hubby, bro.
Her husband's right there.
He's fucking riding the shotgun.
Fuck, yeah.
Big Daniel right there.
Hell, yeah.
She's got fucking throw Montana right there with her, bro.
And she's shooting, though.
I mean, she's shooting from the hip, bro.
She is.
She's a gunslinger.
Oh, dude, she's got that God, sham God rocking off, bro.
She don't stop, dude.
You know?
She's doing it, man.
She's doing a good job.
I say king it, man.
I say king this girl.
Wait, we're not doing king it or sing it, you delinquent.
Yeah, but you said fucking king it, so all I'm saying is.
You followed suit, dude.
Well, I'm saying I would king her.
Bro, you follow a fucking fart into a fire, bro.
You're an idiot.
What else, Chin? You want to just do one more if I'm out? Yeah, one more, man. All right, let's follow a fucking fart into a fire, bro. You're an idiot. What else, Chin?
You want to just do one more if I'm out?
Yeah, one more, man.
All right, let's pick a good one, then.
Jesus Christ.
One more before fucking Theo falls asleep.
Oh, God damn.
Great-grandma Jess.
Damn great-grandma Jeff.
Big ma'am.
Big ma'am?
They call her Big Ma'am.
Big ma'am doing that one-two DP.
She also looks like the guy from, she looks like the gentleman.
Yeah, who is it?
Old Grumpy Man?
Yeah, Grumpy Old Man.
Yeah, bro.
Grumpy Old Man.
I love how Brendan lives in a place.
The Time Before Land.
Have you ever seen that movie with Brendan?
What I'm saying is, yes, Grumpy Old Man.
She looks like your boy fucking Lou Della Berto.
What's that guy's name?
Walter Matthau.
Walter Matthau.
Yeah, he was born a bloodhound dog and then grew into a human.
She looks like she's from the same breed.
Oh, dude, she got that Walter.
Yeah, she got that Walter Matthau.
She got them choppas.
But she's balling, bro.
She's smoking two Marlboros right there.
Little liver spot on the hands.
Never hurt nobody.
She looks like Buddy Della Berto, too.
Can you look up Buddy Della Berto real quick?
Buddy Della Berto.
Yep.
Buddy, B-U-D-D-Y, D-I, yeah, Della Berto.
There you go.
Who's the manager for the Dodgers?
Click on a picture of Buddy Della Berto.
Not Lenny Dykstra.
Does that work?
Oh, they do look similar.
They got the same potato nose.
Yeah, beautiful snout.
That's Buddy D right there.
And he died.
He was a New Orleans, I think he was an alcoholic, but he worked for the Saints.
That's him in his late years.
Oh, God, dude, they look identical.
They look semi-large.
Get him when he's fatter.
Get him when he's fatter, Chin.
They look identical, bro.
They look identical.
Very similar right there.
She got that Buddy D'Alberto. She's smoking his Marlbrow hitters. Dude, the one-two hitters, bro. They look identical. Very similar right there.
She got that Buddy Della Berto.
She's smoking his Marlbrow hitters.
Dude, the one-two hitters, too.
She's doing DP, same time.
Dude, same time, bro. I'm not mad at this, bro.
She's lunging up, dude.
That Bloodhound gang, bro.
Gang, gang.
That Bloodhound gang, dude.
Is that it, bro?
Shout out to somebody's fucking great-grandpa or whatever that is.
She's gone, yeah.
That's beautiful.
What's her name?
Flummy Gramps.
Great-grandmother Jess.
Fuck yeah, big ass. Great-grandmother Jess, dude. And she also was a schoolteacher. You could tell by that is. She's blonde. Yeah, she's beautiful. What's her name? From my grams. Great-grandmother Jess. Fuck yeah, Jess.
Great-grandmother Jess, dude.
And she also was a schoolteacher.
You could tell by that vest.
She's with the church.
Yep.
She's got cupboards in the back.
She's still married.
She's got that piece on her, she's got that rock.
Looks like she makes a mean-ass oatmeal.
Yeah, look at those dishes behind her.
You never use.
The china she doesn't touch.
She's a legitimate grandmother, dude.
Fuck yeah.
Shout out to liver spots on the hands.
Beautiful lady.
Hell yeah. She seemed like a nice woman. spots on the hands. Beautiful lady. Hell yeah.
Seemed like a nice woman.
I love grandmas.
Dude, we did it.
We're done?
We're fucking done, bro.
Damn.
We're done, man.
I'm exhausted.
Me too.
We went hard in the paint because I think Rock of Love and Flavor of Love really fired us
up for some reason.
We should watch those and do a fucking companion on it or some shit.
Dude, we should watch some old TV series and do companions on them. That'd be fun. Not call them companions. Call them something else. Yep. We should call those and do a fucking companion on it or some shit. Dude, we should watch some old TV series and do companions on them.
That'd be fun.
Not call them companions.
Call them something else.
Yep.
We should call them something else.
We'll think of something.
We'll think of something.
I'm headed to Miami this week, brother.
Are you?
Friday and Saturday.
I'm at the Miami Improv, son.
Dang.
CheapFatK.com for tickets, son.
And it's a new club.
New club.
I'm a little nervous about it.
Yeah.
I feel a little nervous.
Yeah.
I'd be nervous about that.
Dude, one time I did Miami Improv alone when I was just maybe five years into comedy, and
I'm there headlining just like a Thursday, and then I was featuring the rest of the week,
and they came in and they said, hey, Jimmy Fallon is going to be featuring for you tonight.
And I was like, what?
How long ago was this?
This is probably 10 years ago, nine years ago.
Did he come in and kill it?
He came in, bro, and he was in there for the next four nights.
Was he awesome?
He featured, and I closed out the shows.
Damn.
And he was just like practicing.
This was before he started doing the late night show.
And they brought him in there, and it was just bizarre.
I had to sit in there and just talk to him.
He's an amazing talent, man.
Oh, he's so talented, man.
It was super cool.
Did he do the impressions and stuff?
Yeah, he was cool, man.
The last time, he got a little pissed off and just kind of frustrated and just stormed out after his set.
But I think, you know, he's down in Miami at the improv.
He's away from his family.
Probably, you know, he hadn't been on the road much.
He probably was just frustrated.
I get it.
It's like how I get after anything.
Yeah, I hear you.
You seem frustrated now.
But I won't be frustrated.
I'll be in Miami Improv this Friday, Saturday.
Milwaukee after that.
Falling week, bro.
Wow.
Are you really going to be in Milwaukee? Yeah, dog. Oh, that's great. And I'm going to be frustrated. I'll be in Miami Improv this Friday, Saturday. Milwaukee after that following week, bro. Wow. Are you really going to be in Milwaukee?
Yeah, dog.
Oh, that's great.
And I'm going to be somewhere.
I'm going to be in San Jose next weekend.
San Jose Improv?
Yep.
That's a great club.
21st and 22nd and 23rd.
I think we just added some Sunday shows, so now the 24th.
You work on the Lord's Day.
Yep.
Well, good luck with that.
The Lord.
The Lord.
And then also, I will be in Phoenix March 29th and 30th at the Stand Up Live.
Love it.
Theodore Van Helsing.
Yep.
I'll see you guys next time on behalf of Brandon Shaman.
Buzz buzz.
Theodore Van Helsing.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah......................................................................................................................................................... Bye.