The Golden Hour - Episode 160: Clean Traps
Episode Date: February 18, 2022Theo, Brendan, Chris D'Elia and Erik Griffin are in the house! The guys talk Theo's Jiu Jitsu training, Chris' crazy cleaning lady, Theo hobnobbing with A-List celebs including Je...remy Renner, Shawn Mendes, Nelly and more at the Super Bowl, Brendan's watch party at Lenny Kravitz's house with Mike Tyson, Valentines gifts and much more! Sign up at https://Patreon.com/KATSPlus for 2 episodes a month with Theo, Brendan and Chris. 1st Patreon episode drops March 10th! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I'm not trying to take away from him, I'm just trying to speak the realest.
You're basically taking away.
No, I'm not trying to take it away from him.
Get some arms, bro, and then do the same thing.
That's what you're saying.
That should be life without limbs, right?
But I'm telling you.
I'm telling you.
Back off my broccolini.
Get your life together.
It is. Don't touch me, bro. Iini. Get your life together. It is.
Don't touch me, bro.
I'm not touching you, dude.
Yeah, dude.
You dress like every fucking stepson from San Diego right now.
And I saw a bunch of them the other day.
Look at the way you do this, Doug.
I was in San Diego.
You look like you do jiu-jitsu at Red Robin.
What the fuck are you doing, Doug?
Yeah, I'll beat the fuck out of your son.
Oh, you think?
I think it'd be a really good fight.
Which son? They're both tough.
Tiger at five, he's a minus
150 right now against you.
The second round, I'll beat him.
You think your wind is better?
Maybe kids go all out really in the beginning.
Kids have cardio for days.
Calvin is still running.
You've got to knock him out in the first round.
I don't want any of you saw the test. Tiger's juiced up, Doug. Is he? for days. Calvin is still running. No, he's got to knock him out in the first round because he ain't going two,
three.
But I don't want
any of you
saw to test him though.
Tiger's juiced up,
dog.
Is he?
Yep,
man.
Talking about apple juice.
Dude,
I'll freaking
beat that dude's
genetics better.
You think?
Genetics are pretty good.
Yeah,
we don't need
any more of that.
I mean,
his genetics are pretty good.
They might not last
a long time.
Hey,
I want to post this
to me so bad. It shows Forrest Gump. You know, when they are pretty good. They might not last a long time. Hey, I want to post this meme so bad.
It shows Forrest Gump. You know when
they tell me as a son, he goes,
is he like me or is he smart?
When he posts
his memes, Forrest Gump, right when he finds out he has a
kid, it says,
dad's at every parent-teacher conference meeting.
Is he like me or is he smart?
You made that up? No, something my brother
sent to me. Yeah, I'll post that shit.
There he is.
White belt?
What is he, a white belt there?
No, he's a gray belt now.
I don't know what's on there.
He just got his gray belt.
Gray belt.
He only gets ice cream if he gets 10 takedowns.
I didn't know there was a gray belt.
Kids, it goes white, gray, yellow, green, I think.
They want to feel like they're achieving stuff,
which is good for kids, yeah.
Adults goes white, blue, purple, brown, black. Okay okay i'm moving i'm making progress you know i want that for me
now still what those achievements i just like achievements bro yeah i want you to hose to roll
he did some jujitsu you think you're this nashville badass even some girl beating your
ass every tuesday night oh yeah you've been doing jujitsu right i saw a picture or something yeah
i'm not a badass dude i am a one stripe white belt and i go
to sometimes lunch and sometimes evening courses brendan and how often do you do it i would say
five times a week oh well that's a lot serious oh i'm sorry what are you gonna compete for how long
why are you doing so much probably four weeks that's good i mean you know but sometimes it's
in la sometimes in nashville sometimes it's in LA. Sometimes it's in Nashville. Sometimes it's out here. Well, depending on where you are.
Are you feeling yourself, though?
Are you feeling yourself?
Like when you're out, do you feel like you're ready to get tested?
Put somebody in that tough scarf, as you call it.
No, that hard scarf you mean?
Hard scarf, daddy.
I fucking choked some little piglet the other day out.
Hell yeah, dog.
No, I just feel, I think my ribs are starting to feel like separated and shit.
It gets pretty.
It's hard, yeah.
Yeah, especially as you get older, it's hard.
People are on top of you.
People beating you down.
They don't care.
Always hurt.
Wow.
You look pretty good there.
On the far right, you do.
On the left, you look a little suspect.
Oh, that's training with Dustin Poirier's guy out there, Daru Strong.
Wow.
He used to be in prison, I think.
I don't know if he was or not.
What happened to that chain, Daddy?
That's dope.
It's a cool chain.
I couldn't find mine.
I couldn't find mine this morning.
I wanted to wear it.
Really?
That's just the game, I guess. I fucking couldn't find mine this morning i wanted to wear it but really no that's just the game i guess i fucking couldn't find it that's
the game i know i'm just what's the game the same game your son just vanished it just went somewhere
i don't know we had a new fucking cleaning lady come the other day i can't trust him oh i had to
sit there with him here we go don't get theo involved in this okay i mean feels all she's
latin no i'll tell you right now we have our ones that we trust
for fucking 15 years been coming old reliable put a price on trust right that's what we pay
the mexico for they ask for a raise i go like this my hands are tied of course yes what am i
gonna do get new people so i give them a raise right well we had a bit of a uh we had a really
uh the super bowl right so after the super bowl uh there was a bunch of food left out and
shit kristen had to study for her therapy stuff she's in school to become a therapist damn rich
as hell bro yeah well we're trying we're trying to get we're trying to get there yeah yeah you
need it and so so we so extra food yeah we had extra food around right have extra food now. But Chris is rich, rich. You made it.
You made it.
He's rich, rich.
But he made it.
Chris is like,
so Chris is putting away that extra caviar.
You talk about your chains
and your housekeeper
and your extra food.
So we have Flamin' Young
and caviar.
It's fucking $110.
By the way, dude,
we all made it.
You're the only one
that can maybe
fucking complain.
I don't want to believe.
You're not poor anymore, dude.
Yeah, how long
are we going to buy into that?
I'm with you, dude.
He's like, man, it's rough out here.
Can't have seen anybody in this bed.
Dude, I'll never be rich, bro.
Remember when I said you're poor in your heart?
Yeah.
That's never going to leave you.
He's like a fat girl that lost a lot of weight.
She's still fat.
You know what I mean?
Shallow house.
I'm poor in my heart, dude.
I got a 200 square foot aorta, bro. It's one bedroom, bro. That's all we got. It's still fat. You know what I mean? Shallow. I'm pouring my heart out. I got a 200 square foot aorta, bro.
It's one bedroom, bro.
That's all we got.
It's a studio.
He just don't want his caliber of girl moving up so he can still stay with those.
You know what I mean?
Oh, those nuts.
Those fucking nuts.
Those nuts.
Gristlebears.
Undercover rich, rich.
Undercover rich, rich.
No, I am not, Brendan.
Bro, you could go buy a Ferrari right now, and it wouldn't matter.
Your life wouldn't change at all.
You'd just have a Ferrari.
You would never do it.
Nope.
You know what happened?
You would buy a Ferrari and then complain about gas.
That's the only option.
There you go.
Boring as heart.
You'd be like, man, it's $6 a gallon.
You have a Ferrari.
Yeah.
Boring as heart.
So we got a new cleaning leader that came, and Kristen had to leave to go to the library
to study.
And I'm like, well, fuck.
Oh, damn.
Y'all rich as hell, bro.
So now I got to stay. Oh, you go to libraries, too? She wanted to do it to get out so she would study and I'm like, well, fuck. Damn, y'all rich as hell, bro.
She wanted to do it to get out so she would
fucking be focused, right? Okay, you know what I mean?
Not be in the house with the cleaning lady there.
One cleaning lady came by.
Well, two came by.
No, no, no, listen to me.
One of them. Go ahead and do your jokes, but it's not
the truth. Go ahead and do your jokes, but it's
not the truth. Oh, shit.
Two cleaning ladies. He's like, so six cleaning ahead, do your jokes, but it's not the truth. Oh, shit. Two cleaning ladies.
He's like, so six cleaning ladies come by, right, man?
All right, go ahead.
A team of cleaning ladies came over.
Go on.
So a squad came by, man.
Go ahead.
To sanitize the house.
The cleaning squad came in.
When you want the truth, let me know.
So I told security, take it easy tonight.
I know.
Who you going to call?
Yeah.
Y'all changed, bro.
You changed, bro.
I've been this way so hold on so so okay so chrissy rich
over here two of them come and one of them says i'm just dropping my auntie off i'm leaving right
oh and so say oh okay that's odd and then the auntie comes in and she's like are you gonna put
your dogs up immediately the first thing she said and i'm like yeah i'll put them up and she's like
okay where and i'm like well i'll just i don't know i'll put them upstairs it'll be fine she's like okay and so she cleans it and she's
like do you have uh trash bags do you have all this shit and i'm like yeah yeah here you go and
so now i go upstairs and i wait right i just wait it's uncomfortable it's uncomfortable in my house
alone with a stranger sure and then i just hear um and so i'm like okay i guess you want i go does it yes
hi what do you want me to do with this game so i don't know you just put it together and put it in
the game drawer okay i go back up um i come back down would you mind if i just do the dishes but
do them by hand and not in the thing i say whatever you want to do um so keep with the
ums not sir excuse me whatever which is. So then she says the last, um.
I come downstairs and she's like, I can't use my phone.
I don't know what's going on.
And I'm like, oh, well, okay.
Do you need the Wi-Fi code?
And she's like, no, it should work anywhere.
So I said, okay, you want to use mine?
She's like, yeah, can you call the lady to pick me up?
Can you come pick me up?
I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know where I am.
That's what she said. And I'm like, all right, well, let's call her and we'll figure it out. I call her, no answer. I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't know where I am. That's what she said.
And I'm like, all right, well, let's call her, and we'll figure it out.
I call her, no answer.
I text her, no answer.
Okay?
20 minutes goes by, and she's like, I really don't know what to do here.
You think you could drop me off at Fairfax and Olympic?
And I go, um, no.
Right?
Because no.
Right?
Because I'm not going to be in the car alone with a stranger.
She might jerk the wheel or something.
I don't know. That's limpio trafficking.
A lot of times they do in limpio trafficking, dude, where a lot of cleaning ladies are really getting trafficked just to.
Yeah, cartel.
I understand.
I understand.
And I want no part of that.
You know what I mean?
If she don't know where she is.
Did you find it off Craigslist?
No, I don't.
So, okay.
So, I'll get to it.
So, I say, all right, well, I don't know what to do.
And then Kristen's like, what's going on? so oh so okay so i'll get to it so so i say all right well i don't know what to do and then
kristen's like what's going on so the lady says well she knows she shouldn't have dropped me off
and she should have came back and now i can't get a hold of her because she knows i have a nervous
condition that's what she said dude in my house alone with me there so now i'm like uh-oh don't
tell me you have a condition so then later on she was like shaking she starts crying and she says
she no i can't walk to Olympic.
I have a heart condition.
And I'm like, you have two conditions?
So now I'm like texting Kristen and I'm so pissed.
Like, I'm like, I'm like, good hire.
And she was like, was she in charge of that?
I didn't even know she did it until she woke up.
She said, by the way, these ladies are coming.
One lady with two conditions for the both of them
so i'm like all right she's got the discount yeah bro fucking discount i'm trying to pay her more
to leave yeah so she's like so kristen's like it's reputable it had five stars i'm like okay fine and
she was like i'm never doing this again i'm never doing this i'm trying to help her out and i'm
never doing this again so i get her an uber she's like what car is it i give i was like blue car
and i fucking she gets in the car.
She leaves.
And then I'm standing next to Chris.
Where the fuck are you?
Where are you?
And she says, I'm up the street.
I didn't want to come in because I was scared.
Oh, wow.
Tight move.
I mean, look, I'm the fucking one.
Yeah.
I'm the famous guy that she's going to tweet about.
Yeah.
So help me.
So now you got to find another, another team.
No, so I have, so.
You're lucky she even spoke English
dude
fearing cleaning
mine doesn't speak English
oh that's crazy
I'm stuck in the house dude
mine don't speak English
she'll ask me
yeah but how long
have you known yours
four years
there you go
I've known mine for 15 years
bro there's no English
you're a cleaning person
and what happened to them
they're great
no they still work
they still work
but like
they come Fridays
and she just wanted them
to come now
and mine are scheduled up and we didn't even ask them she was just this was a bonus she was probably tipsy
and like i'm gonna get it clean tomorrow and then yeah i get scared sometimes and i'll get um
i'll clean up before somebody comes to even clean do you yeah that's crazy i know a lot of people do
that my girl do that i don't do that no way no way if i know they're coming i'll wipe my fingers
in my towel like if i'm eating cheetos i'll just wipe my hands in the bed make sure they cleaned it yeah yeah yeah because
clean traps yeah because clean traps because if there's that's a good that's good i missed it
fuck i hate when i miss it but like episode name because sometimes because sometimes i feel like
they won't clean something unless it's really dirty so fuck yeah i do that shit cheetos just
gotta make sure they get expectations of like what you want them to clean that's the annoying part i gotta make
sure like hotel too you gotta tell them no but honestly i'm like i need the bathroom like this
part of the bathroom too because i hate when you have somebody clean your place yeah and then you
go and look like yeah why is that shit still dirty oh bro the bro, the way I treat hotels, I roll in the fucking sheets.
I shit stains on the towels.
Oh, yeah, I used to do that.
I make, they work.
I used to do that.
They work.
But when I got into a hotel, dude,
I would find myself completely naked.
People talk about this all the time.
There's some type of a...
I feel free.
I think it's like a...
It's like a rental car.
Yeah.
Yeah, I treat it like shit.
I'm going over bumps like...
Naked is his rental car.
Someone's driving him.
He's in the passenger seat.
That would be such a great service if they had like a nude vehicle.
You just get in the back and it's getting nude.
You just get to be back in.
Oh, they do.
It's called the Bang Bus.
I think it's just called Uber.
It's called the Bang Bus.
That's a real thing.
That's just what I'm talking about.
It's just Uber.
But if people knew you were naked, it would be sick, bro.
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Yeah.
People knew by looking at the car, like, holy shit, that guy's naked.
It would be such a cool thing.
Wait, you went to the Super Bowl?
Yeah, dude.
We're a tree.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't buy this shit.
He's like, I'm just a poor kid.
With these Ferrari tickets.
I'm just a poor kid from Louisiana.
He had that $50,000 section right there.
Yeah, yeah. He sat next to Kanye. Next to Kanye Ain't that the $50,000 section right there?
Next to Kanye with one of those things on there. Y'all could've gone, but y'all are
bitches.
I am a bitch. I was working
at Vegas.
You have two children wondering what their dad's doing
and he's working? Go to the Super Bowl, you idiot.
They don't want to go to the Super Bowl, man.
You went there.
Is that the first Asian one? First Asian stalker. You don't want to go to the Super Bowl man you went there oh who's that is that the other you don't see it bro you don't maybe you would in Asian countries but I don't know
no they don't do that there's too much getting your dick ain't a big Asian thing because of
you know No, we don't. It's not a big thing. I get it. It's not a big deal for them. But that was shocking. New episode title.
But also, in the Asian culture, too, it's like a lack of respect to do that.
I'm assuming that guy has a splash of American in him.
I bet he's not full Korean.
A splash?
No.
He's full on.
Yeah, he's American.
No, he's not full on.
They'd never seen it.
What did you guys think when you saw that?
Did you see that, Eric?
Yeah, I saw it. I thought to myself, Theo's going to get canceled again for Asian asian oh really not me i was like squid game two looks lit that's supporting asians yeah
it reminded me of cable guy and the gang was asian they were asian but you're saying it's equality
you know if there's gonna be streakers they gotta be all walks of life well i think it's brave to
see other people doing stuff that other camp i. I mean, that guy's the Cooper Cup of fucking streaks, basically.
I got tagged a ton in that one, too.
A ton of people tagged me.
That's racist.
Well, it was cats in a while.
Yeah.
I don't think it looks like me, though.
It looks like me.
Was he completely naked?
I mean...
I mean, chin.
Does he look like you?
Yeah, was he butt naked?
Was he completely naked?
They were on him quick, man.
That's the other thing.
You know what?
That wasn't even...
You didn't even know about that
on watching the feed. No, they didn't say anything. They didn't get no promotion off of it. They didn't know anything about it. That's the other thing. You didn't even know about that on watching the feed.
No, they didn't say anything.
They didn't get no promotion off of it.
They didn't know anything about it.
That's good.
I like that because they want to get like a –
Sometimes it's a big white dude who's athletic, a big black guy,
and the security has problems.
They cut this Asian guy pretty bad.
Yeah, but what was the guy recently?
He tackled him, right?
Remember when that happened?
In the 49ers game, yeah.
He just lit him up.
Yeah, the guy's in his biggest game of his life,
and some idiot wants to come ruin it.
Oh, I agree.
No, don't be doing that.
You're going to get a fucking shimmy.
You know who should be at fucking,
didn't you see at the football game, Hawkeye?
That should be fucking, pick him out right there.
Jeremy Renner.
Renner was a little tipsy, and he was like,
the field goal kick, and he was like,
if I had my bow, I'd do it.
If I had my bow right now
i love that dude dying i love it actually shoot a bow and arrow yeah i love how that dude does
i'm sure he learned yeah he did learn but i love how that dude does fame he's just like hey man
locked out i mean he's very he's very talented but you don't need to be talented to make it you're
lucky if you make it whether you're talented or not yeah and he's just like along for the ride dude i love that dude i love that dude he was in a funny you know what's
funny he had a 49ers nfc championship shirt ready to put on yeah if they won if they won he had it
ready to put on so he was like i was like put your shirt on homie put it on he was cool dude that was
crazy yeah man that whole that whole game was nuts man who'd you go with i went with um
this guy todd graves he runs chain canes chicken you know i'm talking about it yeah and uh dude it
was crazy we got in this sprint like michael thomas was there the receiver um yeah the receiver
who else uh we got in this sprint or so one of the jonas brothers was there
john uh the talented one of the jason the weird one that plays the bass yeah todd graves right
there invited me my friend cam fordham invited me so he was there his wife who's in uh star county
you know what i'm talking about um and who else dude oh joe Joe Beckham's brother. Okay.
Then one of the guys from... Weird crew, huh?
Yeah.
But we get stuck.
Our car gets lost from the...
We had like a police escort.
It was crazy, dude.
It was crazy.
We had a police escort.
Our car gets lost with one of the guys from Three's Company or something.
What's that band when Harry Styles was in?
This is crazy.
Oh, One Direction?
One Direction.
Three's Company.
No, Third Dog.
I'm not going to do it. Zane from Three's Company. No, John Granger?
I'm not going to do it.
Zayn from Three's Company.
We've been waiting for you.
It was Landon with Larry.
This is the famous guy, Sean Mendes.
So anyway, we all get stuck.
So then we all just walk through regular entrance to chaos. I wonder about that, yeah.
And nobody noticed a thing.
Sean Mendes?
He's so big.
Oh, yeah. I don't even know who. I just didn't know. I don't know a lot of that music, and nobody noticed a thing. Shawn Mendes? He's so big.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't even know who.
I just didn't know. I don't know a lot of that music, right, in that universe.
But nobody noticed a thing, bro.
It was almost like a-
You were with Shawn Mendes?
It was like a science experiment, bro.
The best part about that would have been somebody would have been like,
would all those famous people have been like,
Theo, gang, gang.
Oh, we met, oh.
Yeah, because-
But that's how that happened.
Well, like, security's our fan. Yeah. So, like, rat king. Oh, totally. Well, that, gang. Oh, we met. Yeah, because. But that's how that happened. Well, like security's our fan.
Yeah.
So like, rat king.
Oh, totally.
Well, that happened once, but people are expecting to see us.
Yes.
I don't think they were expecting to see.
It was just, bro, it felt like a prank on the Ellen show.
It really, because then you just go through, and then you're just standing there.
Other people, it's just like, the whole thing felt so strange.
The cops would not let us go through like a regular way this is like no rat king no yeah
people won't let this guy live all the cops yeah the rat king stay back you lifted up his shirt
and he had a fucking uh what's your thing called life rips on it a thick boy donut
wait hold on so so you went to the game with all these famous people, right?
Yeah.
How, was it fun?
Yeah, it was crazy.
Bro, Nelly was in there.
Okay.
France Montana was in there.
France Montana.
Oh.
Francis Montana.
Bro, the whole thing was, it made no sense.
I'm like, who knows all these people?
It's chicken.
It has to be a weird vibe though, because none of you are.
But that's what I'm saying.
Okay, so here's the thing.
So here's the thing.
Hold on.
Like, when somebody gets
to a certain level of fame, okay,
which you are,
all of a sudden...
I'm not.
No, no, no.
I'm saying you're at the level,
whatever that level is.
I'm not saying, you know,
obviously there's The Rock
and then there's, you know...
Well, French Montana
and Shawn Mendes,
I'd say, like,
if The Rock's a 10,
they're 9 1⁄2.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And you're not as famous and Shawn Mendes, I'd say, like, if The Rock's a 10, they're 9 and a half. Yeah, right.
And you're not as famous as Shawn Mendes, but you're at a level where now you're invited to these things.
And the reason why you're invited to these things is because of that level of fame, right?
I mean, you are a great guy, but they don't know that.
They're just like, he's funny.
Well, I have a point to make here.
Okay.
The difference is comics, when a big chicken, rich chicken guy, he can go, hey, let's invite Theo.
No, I understand.
And we'll be like, comics are most likely to be like, yeah, dude, I went to the game.
I'm in the game with like, here's Jimmy Renner, Tommy Lee.
I understand.
Fucking tie dollar signs over here.
I understand.
Yeah, because the guy was a fan of mine.
No, I understand that.
But what I'm saying is if you're a fan of Shawn Mendes, you
can't just invite Shawn Mendes to the game.
I'm saying it has to do with a
fame thing. I get that that's why they invited Theo,
but my point is, you're with all these people
now. You're with fucking Nelly, whoever the
fuck. You don't
do you, do you
you don't care that they're famous, right? I know
you. You don't really care about that. I mean, he's posting
pics of him on the ground. But that's all for Instagram.
Right.
That's for Instagram.
I would probably do the same thing.
I was shocked at what the day ended up.
Clout rat.
But of course.
I was shocked at what the day.
I was just, I didn't know.
Like, I'm talking to Michael Thomas, who's like my favorite.
Right, of course.
He's like the best and the best receiver.
Well, not the best, but yeah.
He's in the top five.
And just having like just good just normal conversations
and we're all kind of
stuck together
so and nobody's
publicist or nothing
was there
so it was just
but you guys all relate
to like you're in this
bubble of fame
you're in this fishbowl
to me it's weird
to me it makes me feel
uncomfortable
like French Montana
doesn't have to worry
about you being like
ah French what's up
dude grabbing him
right
because you're all
at this level
that's why it levels
the playing field
because everyone like Kanye has shitty seats.
It's just like when I see somebody that, but no, hold on.
When I see somebody like The Rock post a picture with Shawn Mendes or fucking whoever the fuck, my brother, and you're just like, they don't know each other, dude.
It's annoying as fuck.
Yeah.
If I ever get to that level of fame and i understand i'm at a
level but if i get to a level of like the rock or whoever the fuck and you see me starting to post
pictures with those motherfuckers like they're my friends no that you will never see but you will
you will never see what the rock did he posts picture of sean menendez went my brother and
then two minutes later went not my brother he did yeah oh i just made that up no i made that up
because that's why i did to Rogan.
Okay, okay.
I did zone out when The Rock started talking out there.
I kind of zoned out a little bit. But it's like you feel the whole setting be like,
start the game, man.
It's like when somebody all of a sudden is in a hit movie
and then all of a sudden they're friends with everybody.
They're friends with Dave Chappelle.
They're friends with this shit.
And you're invited to those parties.
It's that weird celebrity like clout chasing shit, man.
Fuck all that.
Yeah, well, it was interesting because I couldn't tell.
Like, I just didn't even know.
I don't know, man.
You thought you were going to hang out with the guy that makes chicken.
Yeah, I thought I was going with my buddy Todd, and he's friends with a lot of unique people.
So then if he introduces you to, he's like, hey, this is my friend, this, this is my friend, this.
So then you just get in a conversation.
And then we were together literally the whole, it was like eight.
We got there at 11
and we didn't get back home
until 10.
So it was 11 hours
all together.
It's a long time.
How about this?
How about this?
This is the real thing.
How many of these like
middle-aged,
rich,
white guys,
how they're in the mix
with all of these
type of people?
What do you mean?
Because I'm saying like,
give me an example.
Well, this guy,
the chicken guy, like the chicken guy is just like, Give me an example. Well, this guy. Oh, that runs the chicken joint? The chicken guy.
Like the chicken guy is just like,
oh, yeah.
He's not famous.
He's got a lot of money though.
No, I know.
That's the real like, you know.
I experienced the same thing, man.
I did like that.
At the championship game,
I was with these guys.
I feel weird now even talking about it.
Why?
I don't know why.
You're not that guy.
What?
No, I don't know.
I guess I feel weird talking about it.
I feel like I'm like,
maybe I shouldn't have said anything about it.
No, it's all over social media.
Who cares?
Yeah, right.
No, it's not bad.
You're not saying anything bad.
If anything, I'm saying.
I'll tell you what's interesting to me.
I don't feel like we're saying anything bad.
It was interesting.
I ended up honestly just having a great time, man.
Got some numbers of people that were like,
that I was fans of,
but they didn't know about.
And it was interesting
since there was no publicists around that everybody kind of just relaxed and then we're the last people
to leave the stadium everybody else had gone we're just waiting and so we were like we waited about
two and a half hours maybe yeah and then left out and it was uh you went to a great super bowl party
yeah yeah yeah it was just crazy but the whole thing that was like some everybody walks behind
this lady in a wheelchair i think people just left yeah you know i don't know if that's
like a mexican thing or not but it was like an older mexican lady and she was just like yelling
something about the rams you know yeah it's like a pride thing we leave one of us here every every
year she was yelling about the raiders she just started screaming about nelly bro and singing
uh hot in here oh wow i'm sure he loved. He did just post that video on Accent,
him getting his dick sucked.
He did?
He was like, oh, it's my bad.
He deserves it, though, dude.
He did so much for white people wanting to dance.
No, he has a point,
and he does tour with Florida Georgia Line.
He did so much at a time when white people were like,
we're never going to be able to do it.
For Nelly's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, it would be Theo.
This man did so much, much, much for white men wanting to dance.
I'll tell you what, I'm not going to name drop like you.
I'd definitely go to that party or hang out with Jeremy Renner.
But I'm telling you, man, I've been around a ton of people.
Nobody shuts a room down.
I don't care who you're around, what big celebrities.
Nobody gets more attention, shuts a room down like Mike Tyson.
Nobody. Everyone just, because remember how big he was he's a scary dude even though now he's on all the shrooms and weed in the world so he's a great dude but he walks in and i'm telling where the
thing i host that show on mike tyson's channel on thick boy it was at lenny cravett's house
in the hills this huge fucking house there's all these people there you dropped something yeah I know
dropping after you just listed off the Oscars he was like in the who else man
John Legend was there I don't even know him Jason Hamm was there everybody was in that bitch
but Theo also dropped a Mexican woman in a wheelchair.
You know what I'm saying?
So everybody's equal in Theo's eyes.
But I'm telling you, man, a room full of pretty famous people.
Mike Tyson walks in.
Everyone goes silent.
It's like walking a fucking tiger through the goddamn party.
No one just stares at him.
He has a tattoo on his face.
There's like this scary kind of.
Because he might eat somebody.
You know what I mean?
But he's not.
But you look at him that way.
But you've seen him do it.
You've seen him eat someone's ear.
So you're like, oh, wow.
Dude, when he was coming down the mountain, I was in Vegas one time.
And I'm getting a Delta flight home.
And literally, Mike Tyson is just sitting at the gate reading a newspaper.
Wow.
Just waiting for the flight.
Or looking at a newspaper.
Yeah.
Whatever he was doing.
Staring at the pictures. It might have been upside down. On the inside was just a at a newspaper. Whatever he was doing. Staring at the pictures.
It might have been upside down.
On the inside, it was just a picture of some dragon.
The views expressed by these white boys.
When he comes and storms in here.
But I just thought he was sitting there.
And literally everybody in the gate area was just looking at him.
Like, what the fuck is Mike Tyson doing?
That's like Lester Holt.
People do that.
Who else?
You think? Lester Holt? I'm Lester Hester holt the guy from the there's no top lip the guy from the like dateline shit yeah mike thomas right there dude and the saints repost you i think
that's the coolest thing about your entire experience you got reposted by your favorite
people man big deal i'm race from it was in there though it was just fucking bizarre it was the
weirdest thing because at first it was just like a few people
and then the
I think other people just
oh one thing about the suites
I noticed people
you could walk into any suite
I walked into one on accident
it was FedEx right
and it was all good
oh dude you're chilling
and then there's like
a little like glass like this
between the next one
and Drake was standing
right there drinking
a soda right
it was my fave
so it was like
nine white guys
you know
because that's who FedEx is right?
The cardboard is a brown
Yeah, but it's it's six white guys run that bitch, but your shits always on time
It's not always on time but anyway
So like I've made eyes like. And you could just walk in.
It was just like there's, I don't know, the whole thing.
The whole thing felt like I was in a different universe.
I'm not in.
But everybody probably felt safe too because it's like.
Nah, fuck that.
No, no, it's like it's the Super Bowl.
Everybody's rich.
It's creepy, bro.
You know what I mean?
It's creepy, dude.
It's not.
They're having a great Super Bowl party.
It's creepy, bro.
I've been to those parties.
It's creepy as shit.
It's weird.
I don't like it.
Those real LA vibes.
It's such LA shit. It was the most LA thing I've done. It's just too much, man. It's just such Bro, I've been to those parties. It's creepy as shit. It's weird. I don't like it. The real LA vibe. It's such LA shit.
It was the most LA thing I've done.
It's just too much, man.
It's just such a weird vibe.
Like, dude, this guy did a fucking, you can't, okay, you do what you do.
You did the fucking Super Bowl thing.
Do what you do.
What did he do?
This motherfucker's talking about football with Lenny Kravitz?
Bro.
Oh, I'm sure that was fun, Brendan.
Right.
Well, let me say it.
He faked it.
Who the fuck wants to do that?
Who wants to do that?
Who wants to talk about the Super Bowl with Lenny fucking Kravitz?
What do you got against Lenny Kravitz?
Nothing.
Where's Lenny Kravitz hate coming from?
Nothing.
I don't hate Lenny Kravitz, but who the fuck wants to talk about the Super Bowl with him?
Oh, yeah, dude.
He might be a savant about football.
But he's not, though.
I'm not going to say it again.
He's not a fuck, bro.
There's no way, dude.
I get it, dude.
You did it. Be honest about it. Make them racks, make them racks don't suck on one of his braids was he fucking?
Savant or no, no not a savant. Of course. He loved an artist. He loved him and he had a great time
Of course he did of course he did but I'm telling you fuck that
I know that.
Oh, and best believe I would have done it for
racks. But all I'm saying is
this is going to turn into opportunities for him.
He'll be great for this. Collect them
racks, dude. Get that Kleenex money. Who gives
a fuck? But all I'm saying is
who wants to do it?
That's true, dude. It's like another job.
It's like fucking delivering pizza.
What was that thing you got offered to watch a UF Bellator fight
with a babe pig in the city, and he fucking did it for 30 grand, bro.
That's what I'm saying.
Do it.
Collect the rack.
Stack the money pyramid to the sky.
But who wants to do it?
That's Brendan's sellout face.
Yeah.
No, I had a great time.
The show's my idea.
They bought my show.
Hey, can you put a phone number up right now underneath Brendan's name?
I can be bought at 1-800.
Oh, by the way, I can be bought.
You can be bought at So Can He, but it's bullshit.
Nobody buying me, son.
I came for the free chicken and that's it.
You know what I'm sensing?
You know what I'm sensing?
Chris had a Subaru part of his house and it's shitty.
Who came to it?
A bunch of people, man.
Like who?
No.
Lenny Kravitz.
Lenny Kravitz was for sure there.
My friends.
You had a Super Bowl party?
I mean, kind of.
It was kind of a get-together.
You don't watch football, so you just need an excuse to have people.
Yeah, it was Calvin's birthday is going to be on Friday, so we were like, okay, we'll
be at Calvin's birthday, but also we'll do it on the Super Bowl.
But we'll do one of those
big, wild, like,
kind of like crazy birthdays
with the thing.
Not really.
No, we had like a,
what do you call them?
Soft play things come.
You did it before, right?
With your kids,
like the-
Yeah, the Mexican prison
or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like ninja war
for Mexicans.
It was cute.
It was like, you know.
It was cute.
T's birthday is Sunday.
Yeah.
Bring Calvin.
And Calvin's like,
oh, you're actually
having a thing. Calvin's out of town, isn't he? He's going to be doing the birthday is Sunday. Yeah. Bring Calvin. And Calvin's just, oh, you're actually having a thing.
Calvin's out of town, isn't he?
He's going to be doing the road, yeah.
Yeah.
Calvin's a Germany renter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You wait.
That will happen.
Yeah, yeah.
When he's doing the road?
Yeah, he's going to be, dad, I'm in Omaha.
I know.
What'd y'all do for Valentine's?
My girl was in New York doing Fashion Week.
Damn.
Oh, you rich, rich, too.
I'm sick of you guys, man.
They don't make any money.
Models.
Models don't make money.
Unless you're like one of the five top models.
Shit cost me a fortune.
I had to fly her there, put her up in a hotel.
Models don't make any money unless they're the top five models.
Is that true?
Yeah, bro.
Oh, I met male models?
Dude, there's like one male model that made $1 million one year one time.
Yeah.
It's hilarious, dude.
Male models are chairs, dude.
But male models are chairs.
The girls just sit on them and the guy's like, imagine being a male model.
Worst gig in the world.
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'd rather be a fucking crack whore.
That's the worst fucking job in the world.
To just sit there, you got to be dumb as rocks. This is where I'm the most, one of the more
handsome comedians right now.
You changed most to one of the more.
I don't like it, but dude, I'll tell you this,
man.
And by the way,
No, I support him.
Him? Fuck all that.
When I get on stage,
you think there aren't people that are like,
alright bro, I gotta fucking level up
my personality, dude.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, fuck off, dude.
Are you kidding me?
Coming from the ugly guy.
Dude, bullshit, man.
This is what comedy is supposed to look like.
You fucking cute bitch.
Okay, John Caporolo.
Come on.
This is what comedy is supposed to look like.
No, you don't get in on this.
You're not a bad looking dude either.
You're somewhere in between.
Eric does this every time. Take the mullet off and he's fine. No, take the mull in on this. You're not a bad looking dude either. You're somewhere in between. Eric does this every time.
Take the mullet off and he's fine.
No, take the mullet off and he's ugly.
The mullet is what activates him.
The mullet's what makes him sexy.
Exactly.
You look like fucking Cruella DeVille's gynecologist.
You are not handsome.
I accept that.
I am not handsome.
He's got a rugged, handsome face.
It's not even that
Girls go he's hot
Always funny
Hold on a second. Let's
Who it actually is
That knows this shit because he's been him for 41 years.
What the deal is.
The deal is all of the features I have aren't necessarily attractive.
I get it.
My nose, my eyes, my mouth.
Your forehead.
You could argue for my mouth.
My forehead.
My hair.
You could argue for my forehead or my mouth.
But all the other features, they're not good if you put them on other people's.
forehead or my mouth but all the other features they're not good if you put them on other people's but the way they come together on mine and the way i fucking let the line shine through out of it
i may not be hot but boy is there something about me dude and you know it that it's the x factor
gold that's the x factor and that's way better than being a fucking chair that's way better than
being a good looking dude you You think, yeah, exactly.
Some people are good looking and have the X factor.
Me, I figured it out.
That's why models and TikTok people start to do standup.
Yeah, I know because they think they can do it.
They think they have the fucking X factor, but they don't.
They have it with their phone.
That's the super easiest way to have the X factor.
But in person, show up.
Show up.
Whenever Eric would go on after me, or it would go like Brian, me, Eric,
Eric would get on stage and be like, fuck them.
This is what stand-up looks like.
This is what it's supposed to look like.
Eric does good, man.
He does well.
He does do well.
If you like that comedy.
Here we go.
That's your brand.
You do well.
If you want to hear the subtext of racism, that's your card.
So it's a safe pick.
It's a fun racism.
It's hip-hop-eracism.
It's a fun time.
Hip-hop-eracism.
That might be the title.
That might be the title.
Eracism.
N-word.
No.
You got to have a little, bub.
You got to have a little, man.
no you gotta have a little bub you gotta have a little man let's take another little break man because life is crazy out there man you don't have time to run the grocery store get those
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How long do you want to carry this bit going down?
Dude, look, I don't have a, here's
what does it for Chris that helps him out.
I'll say it and you don't have it and
you might have it.
He has a
length of neck that
I do not have. If I had an extra
half inch of neck,
you'd have it.
It's just the neck. I the neck down the mountain top.
But you have the most booty of everybody.
Theo has the best ass.
But the neck helps for comedy.
The booty doesn't really help for comedy.
Theo has the best ass in comedy.
It's just like, turn around, you hear this half the crowd, like, look at that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They just stop laughing.
Look right there.
You're trying to stretch your neck out wow and i used to do that
you're not business plus though daddy we look like you look like how you're gonna
look as an old man yeah doing that and that and that picture is the guy who's
blowing you took it
and that's the noise that's the face that you make when it when it's about to
happen yeah yeah that is his cum face.
Yeah, right there.
I was vibrating.
It looks like my cum's about to jump off a cliff.
That's what it looks like.
And you're so excited for him to do it.
I can't live like that anymore.
It's so funny.
Everybody's attractive in their own way.
No.
Hey, dude.
I don't agree with that.
That's that Lizzo vibe, man.
That's that Lizzo shit.
Then what's ugly?
Then what's ugly? Ugly is a word. That's a thing. Then who's ugly? If it exists, then somebody's ugly. Listen, dude. No, that's that Lizzo vibe, man. That's that Lizzo shit. Then what's ugly? Then what's ugly?
Ugly is a word.
That's a thing.
Then who's ugly?
If it exists, then somebody's ugly.
Listen, man.
It is what it is. If you could see inside people's hearts and souls, I think you'd see that some people aren't ugly.
But we can't.
Yeah, but that's not always fuckable.
You see, hearts are ugly.
Hearts are so ugly that you had to draw them different.
You draw them like this.
Yep.
That's why everyone's heart's fucking ugly as shit.
You know what I mean?
I just, look, I came here to speak the truth.
I'm sorry if it hurts anyone.
We should probably start the show.
What you got, Nick?
Oh, yeah.
See, Theo?
That's not bad.
I'll take it.
Breaking bad guy.
Free air.
In that picture right there, that's probably the same age as your dad, right?
But no, no, 30 years later he has.
Free air, dude.
What's up with this King of the Sting fam?
Yo, what's up King of the Sting fam?
Brendan, Theo, Chris, and whoever's in the building.
It's your boy Samath from Hyderabad, India.
We've got a debate club for you guys.
Russia trilogy
or bad boy trilogy? Good question. I'd love to club for you guys Rush Hour trilogy or Bad Boys trilogy
good question
we'd love to hear from you guys
if Nike Shan and Chris Tucker can take on Will Smith and Martin Lawrence
gang gang
buzz buzz
we know which one Chin likes
it was Rush Hour and what was the other one
Chin just tell us which one
Rush Hour was better though wasn't it
I think it was
yeah I think it was
maybe not in totality the first Bad Boys was great but then after that The rush hour was better though, wasn't it? I think it was. Yeah, I think it was better too. I think it was.
Rush hour?
Yeah, I think so.
Maybe not in totality. The first bad boy was great, but then after that.
The second one was lit, Miami?
No, listen.
I forgot the second one already.
Despicable Me was better than all of them, I thought.
Yeah, Despicable Me is great.
Come on.
One, two, and three, dude.
Listen, I'll take Tango and Cash over all those.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I know Theo.
He's basically fucking. I don't know why they didn't make those. That's basically me and Theo in a way. It's if you mix Tango and Cash, you those. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I know Theo. He's basically fucking.
I don't know why they didn't make those.
That's basically me and Theo in a way.
It's if you mix Tango and Cash, you get Theo.
I'm Cash.
Oh, so you're Stallone in this?
Yeah, or I guess it could be him.
Yeah, you wouldn't be Stallone.
You'd be the other guy.
I'm still that.
Which one?
No, you're the nerdy guy.
He'd be more corrosive.
Yeah, look, look, look.
It's actually Brendan and Theo.
But Chris, you could be the nerdy guy who builds the truck.
But I don't want to be that guy.
All right.
I'm just spitting on ideas. There's only three rules. I don't want to be him. I know, but you. No, be the nerdy guy who builds the truck. But I don't want to be that guy. All right. I'm just spitting on ideas.
There's only three rules.
I don't want to be him.
I know, but you.
Be the bad guy.
Be the bad guy.
You have to be him.
Is the bad guy cool?
Yeah, bring up the bad guy for me.
Does he have an accent?
He looks like Barry Switzer.
Oh, Gru, you mean?
No.
Let me see him.
Who's the bad guy in Penguin?
I don't remember.
Bring up the bad guy.
He looks like Barry Switzer.
I don't know who that is.
Oh, yeah, you don't know football.
Oh, yeah, that's football.
But you had a Super Bowl party.
I had to pick.
Well, it was Calvinist.
What was the best movie of all the franchises put together?
Between Rush Hour and Bad Boys.
What's the best movie?
Then we'll pick that one as the one.
Rush Hour 1 and Bad Boys 2.
That's Barry Switzer, and that could be you.
Oh, that's cool.
I like that guy.
That guy looks like Jack Palance.
Yeah.
That is Jack Palance.
Who is that?
He's the owner of the Dallas Cowboys.
That's him? No, that's the bad guy. That's the bad guy in Tangled. That's Jack Palance. Yeah. That is Jack Palance. Yeah. Who is that? He's the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. That's him?
No, that's the bad guy.
That's the bad guy in Tangos, Pat.
That's Jack Palance.
That guy seemed like a good guy.
Oh, that's funny.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
Wait, so Best Trilogy?
I'm saying what is the best movie in the trilogy?
Oh, man.
Terminator 2?
No, no.
I'm talking about between Bad Boys and Rush Hour.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
Which one?
What's your favorite of those movies? It's either Rush Hour 1 or Bad Boys 2. about between Bad Boys and Rush Hour oh got it okay which one was what's your favorite
of those movies
is it Rush Hour 1
or Bad Boys 2
no Bad Boys 1 was better
I like Bad Boys 2
Bad Boys 1 is what set
Will Smith off man
it made him a superstar
Bad Boys 1 was best
I think
it made him a superstar
when he
dude Rush Hour
with Chris Tucker
the two other side characters
in Bad Boy
were fucking hilarious
which one
the Latino dudes
they were so funny oh they were
good cops when they picked up the phone one of the scenes he picked up the phone he called me
he's like hey what's going on yeah your mama sniffed it all up last night anyway like dude
just like for no reason like we don't even know what he said that's why we're at their best um
but yeah no no i i think for sequels nothing beats terminator 2 though right i think no godfather 2
okay but we're talking about we're talking about action movies i mean godfather okay yeah of course Sequels, nothing beats Terminator 2, though. Right. I think. No, Godfather 2.
Okay, but we're talking about action movies.
I mean, Godfather, okay, yeah, of course.
Ant-Man, did y'all like it?
No, uh-uh, no.
Not the sequel.
No.
Good sequels, man.
Paul Rudd's, you know what Paul Rudd is? A lot of bad sequels.
He's fine.
Yeah.
He's fine.
He's fine.
He's good in comedy.
He's serviceable.
I don't like him in Ant-Man.
He's fine.
Yeah.
He's fine.
I'm not trying to see him fight people, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
I wouldn't know if he was dead or alive.
No.
I actually confuse him and your boy.
Was he at your Super Bowl party, though?
Yeah.
I feel like he would be there with everybody.
Yeah, keep that same energy.
Nelly!
All small.
On Nelly's knee.
Yeah.
He showed up as Anthony.
He's just like, hot.
You know?
And then Renner's there trying to, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bet I could get him. A little worse hot dogs there, dude. You know, and then Renner's there trying to, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bet I could get him.
They had the worst hot dogs there, dude.
They had those long fucking hot dogs. I bet you deep throw the shit out there.
How long are they going to make hot dogs?
But instead of get a regular hot dog.
How about have two?
Have two.
I'm with you.
I don't want this shit sticking out of the bun.
No, no.
How about this?
How about this?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I agree with you.
I want to eat the bread with the meat.
Right.
That's what we're saying.
That's what we're saying.
No, but this.
I don't want to have to suck off the end. But you know what's good, though? Making friends. You eat the middle and the two guys get the meat. That's what we're saying. I don't want to have to suck off the end.
It's good though, making friends. You eat the middle
and the two guys get together.
See, I like a brat myself, a big thick brat.
I like the girth of a brat
busting my mouth. That's bullshit.
Wait, what?
Hot dogs you're eating?
They used to be the Dodger dogs.
He's been a Dodger dog for like 30 years
and then relocated. Now he just makes hot dogs at that. Made it up. You don't know that to be the dodger dogs yeah and then he's been a dodger dog for like 30 years and then relocated
now he just makes hot dogs at that so far made it up you don't know that to be true i don't believe
that yeah try it i would never but that's a conspiracy i wish to picture you deep down that
hot dog though i does my own some of the food one thing that they didn't have was good was this
little cupcake little black cupcake with some little um cupcake kind of a cream feature in it. It's like a Suzy's cake.
I know my stadium food, dog. Like a ding-dong?
It tasted bad, but more high.
A little bit higher grade than a ding-dong.
Drinking means ding-dongs?
Ding-dong is at the high.
Let me tell you something, dude.
There's a certain level of dessert and food
like hot dog, ding-dong.
The highest level is under the highest level.
You should never have a higher level of what it is because that's exactly what that is.
The second you try to gourmet it up, it gets worse.
And that is the truest shit I ever spoke.
Okay?
That's the truest shit I ever spoke.
He's doing a lot of magic and he's not saying anything.
No, I am saying complete, utter reality.
See how he's doing it?
I get it. I'll sit on my hands.. See how he's doing it? He's just talking.
I get it.
I'll sit on my hands.
Yeah, anytime he starts trumping it.
That's a talent coming out, man.
It is.
It's a talent.
Talk to the sand.
This is fantastic.
My neck.
This is fantastic.
Listen, dude.
It's the fucking.
Here we go.
We're right in here.
We're in this fucking.
Can you do it?
Can you do it?
Let me try.
Let me still be inspirational without this shit.
Okay, look.
Okay.
There is a certain level.
Oh, I've seen this guy.
He speaks at churches.
I just use my neck more.
There is a certain level.
Bring him up.
No, your Adam's apple has to.
No, there's a certain level of ding dong that it should never supersede.
You agree with me?
That's the same.
Brownies are Duncan Hines.
If you go to a place that makes gourmet
brownies you're you've and i say this not lightly you've lost your mind and you've lost your way
seriously because duncan hines they kill it
he speaks at churches that's the dude and he's amazing too wow what he lacks in arms he makes
up for in beard oh wow, wow. He did magic.
No, this guy.
Oh, wait, wait.
He just said Indian style.
It's a magic show?
I thought he had no legs too.
I'm like, that's too much.
I think he's got something wrong with his legs.
The form of his legs, yeah.
Oh, yeah?
He's got limited legs.
Oh, yeah?
What makes you say that?
The fact that his feet are in his penis?
Don't you think he's great at yoga?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I thought he was just like, you know? No, he did. Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought he was just like,
you know, come on.
He did think that.
I did.
I thought he was like,
you know.
That was really stupid.
Those big toes in his armpit,
for God's sakes.
Well, he doesn't have an armpit,
but.
The guy's an amazing speaker,
actually.
Yeah, well,
I don't mean to be a dick,
but like.
Yeah, but.
You know,
Daredevil is,
can't see,
but he can see.
You gotta be better
at the things you don't have.
Oh, yeah.
Your other senses grow stronger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you could be good speakers.
So you're taking it away from.
I'm not trying to take away from him.
I'm just trying to speak the realness.
You're basically taking it away.
No, I'm not trying to take it away from him.
Get some arms, bro, and then do the same thing.
That's what you're saying.
That should be life without limbs, right?
But I'm telling you.
I'm telling you.
That would be a lit house.
Y'all going to hell, boy.
Hey, why is this foot buried in the sand?
It looks like a little kid's foot.
Now I'm going to go to hell because I'm over here on this couch.
You laughed the hardest.
Yeah, but this is what I'm saying.
The two things you laughed at the hardest.
I need to be back over there because this is too much.
The two things you laughed at the hardest that I need to be back over there because this is too much. The two things you laughed at the hardest that I said in the last Skin to Sink were the fucking life without limbs joke and the lady with the fucking forehead back.
You're going to hell.
I want to see those two do it like a motivational couple.
Eric's like that hospital orderly that comes in at night and just makes fun of everybody.
He's going to lose your job, dude.
But it's like a coma, people,
and I'm just like,
look at your fat ass.
I don't know, man.
Here's the thing.
How are you fat in a coma, bitch?
God bless this dude.
He's killing it.
He wrote a fucking book.
Don't try to limit life without limbs.
No, I'm not saying.
The guy wrote a book.
I mean, he told someone to write it.
And Nick looks like him.
Jesus Christ, he looks like him jesus christ he looks like
all i'm saying is he's more handsome than is all i'm saying is this guy you think you he want he
wants to be made fun of just like we want to be made fun of this is the thing about fucking thank
you everybody gets these jokes no no wait no what limbs or not can i say something what you're
saying right now is like yes you have like no arms so should we put you in a bubble or should
we clown you like we would clown anyone else?
That's making you a part of society.
Yeah, exactly. And what are we going to make fun of?
His teeth? They're beautiful.
The guy's got no arms. He's actually handsome from here
up. I'd smash. You know what I'm saying?
If I didn't know all that other shit was
going on, if it was dark and you just had
a spotlight on his face, you'd be like, well,
he can get onto a table, a
four-foot table with no help
boom and that's him too go to the other picture that's in style oh this is not doing well now
that's him too hold on don't go with this it's killing it boy he looks like he opened up the
ark of the covenant yeah he's starting rough you know what i mean he's killing it nick vujicic i
want to write a book i didn't write a book would you guys want to talk to nick just sick on the
future king of this Sting? Wow.
I think we could make it.
Is that the guy with no arms?
Yeah.
What if he just is like, and you motherfuckers ruined my life, and Chris and Eric, you are
going to hell.
I would be really sad.
But you have to play this clip of us laughing at him and then see what he has to say.
We're laughing with him, Eric.
Yeah, we're all laughing.
I don't know.
I've seen him speak before.
He's a great speaker.
He's very inspiring.
I cried in the audience.
You cried?
Why?
They didn't have the right food.
They didn't have his writer.
Well, we have to ask, what did you do before you went to the thing, though?
Huh?
Were you on shrooms or something?
Yeah, were you on something?
Yeah, I listened to Enya and took shrooms.
I was with a senior citizen.
Theo was on shrooms.
I was like, man, this guy has no arms.
That'll make you cry.
Yeah.
In the oven angel.
He totally can't sing that song.
Hey, but he's a religious speaker or motivational?
In the name of an angel.
Can we see what this guy has to say?
Yeah, sure.
I never want to see what a guy that looks like this has to say.
First of all, this is obviously a Chris D'Elia fan, dude.
That is undeniable.
He's a Chris D'Elia fan.
You clown our fans.
That is Chris D'Elia all day. That is a Crystal Lea fan.
This guy, I'll tell you what, if I hadn't
been coming on this show, he wouldn't be doing a video here.
So let's see what he has to say. Cool jacket though.
First of all, I just want to say
thank you for the compliment on
the attire. I really appreciate it.
As you can see, King and the Sting.
I don't know if you can see that. King and the Sting
is only in the background. That'll say by the
bell shirt. Theate of the day.
You have two options.
He's in a tuck shop.
He's too cool.
The first one being all your text messages between your buddies, your group chats, are released in the public for everyone to see.
Sting it.
I pick.
Wait, wait, wait.
I want that no matter what.
That's option number one.
Or option number two is you smell like cat piss, but you don't know.
No, I want the first one.
I choose for the first one to get out.
Well, someone in here smells like cat piss anyways.
I'm not. Not me.
You can own the text.
You can have the text released to the public
or you smell like cat piss.
I just stopped texting my friend so crazy.
Hold on a second.
We didn't even take into account
how incredible it was that I said,
I like that jacket.
And then he started off the video by saying,
thanks for the compliment on my attire.
Well, because he knows he looks ridiculous.
He knows he looks ridiculous.
But that's insane.
The guy's a bot, dude.
All right, well, whatever.
Maybe he's a bot.
He put that on for that reason.
That's fine.
Oh, no, this guy wears that.
Trust me.
Trust me.
I know it's his shit.
It's his shit, but he knew. That's his everyday attire. But hold on. He seems like a good guy. Yeah. Trust me. Trust me. I know it's his shit. It's his shit, but he knew.
But hold on.
He seems like a good guy.
Yeah.
That's his tuck shop.
He owns that in Jonesboro, Alabama.
Oh, nice.
Oh, damn.
They get a lot of business out there.
Have you seen Jasper Mall?
It's about a mall that's shutting down?
Of course not.
No.
Is it a documentary?
It's a documentary.
It's good.
Oh, really?
If you like a closing mall.
Yeah.
But I'll tell you Yeah. Is that Nashville
public access? Is this exciting?
It's on Hulu or one
of the other streamers. I'm not sure, but it's about a
closing mall in Jasper, Alabama.
Documentary.
The more mundane
a thing, a documentary,
is about, the better the documentary.
And let me tell you why. Because it has to be.
Just like that guy has to be a good speaker when he has no limbs it's the same fucking thing you gotta oh this is the
thing that we really got if you're gonna make a fucking documentary about a closing mall it can't
be like century city bro it's gotta be good dude yeah dude have you seen the tinder swindler oh
man it's okay but that guy's still out there it's okay you've uh i've never seen anything like it
i've never even heard of that.
Oh, man.
There's so many fucking 2020s that are the same thing.
It happens all day, Brendan.
That's the thing about you sometimes, man.
It's like... Here we go.
Go ahead.
Well, he doesn't know where he lives, man.
He's living like an alternate universe.
Interesting.
You don't think this kind of shit happens every day?
It's happening to me right now.
Somebody's swimming in me.
Yeah, you're out of your mind, dude.
What I don't get is how is he not in prison? He did go borrowed money for five months he borrowed money yeah he yeah he's like i borrowed
money and he technically it's not even fraud but he didn't kill anyone dude how bad and some of the
girls that gave him millions of dollars they're hot i'm like girl go get a fucking regular dude
it's weird yeah he'll get his when he dies i have i'm i'm i'm yeah yeah take it up with the devil
son am i right if i got you don't believe it but yeah yeah i don't know if i got tinder swindled um he for me if some if a guy tinder
swindled me did you ever get catfished ever uh yeah yeah i mean like yeah i mean but what do
you mean like have i like what what is so what catfish is responding and thinking it's someone
else and then realizing it's not oh then, then yeah. Yeah, everyone has, right?
I did, yeah.
But I mean, like, have you ever tried to meet up with somebody?
I talked to this lady on the phone and it was a man.
It was a gay man.
A gay black man.
Okay.
So it was FaceTime.
No.
You just heard the blackness?
But what did you think it was?
What did you think it was?
I love how people are like, I don't hear.
Oh, you hear, yeah.
If you don't know when you're talking to a black or white person or a sometimes asian people can go anyway
these days you know these days yeah but in the oj case that's what fucking what's his name uh
uh the ron henry no uh close the ron his name's ron no no the racist guy no no no the the the
judge the not the judge the lawyer the johnny cochran he was saying, that's phenomenal. He was saying like, because somebody said
it sounded like a black man
and OJ's black
and he was like,
that is racist.
You can't tell.
You know what I mean?
And it's like,
when Johnny Cochran said it,
he sounded black
because he's a black guy.
You can hear when somebody's black.
But can you still,
it's getting different.
It is getting,
it is getting different,
but that's because there's a lot of people
mixing races now.
Yeah.
Well, I mean,
it's also where you're from,
who you talk to.
100%.
There's Nolan Richardson right there.
No, but what I'm saying is like,
so your first thing was you got on the phone after been
texting and texting and texting.
So your first thing was, this person's black or this person's a man?
This person is a man.
Probably both.
Great fucking question.
If it was the other one, you're racist.
Yeah, but you could tell it was a gay black man, right?
I don't think that's why I'm racist, dude.
A gay black man.
Oh, no, that's not.
It's the other things you've done. I'm just don't think that's why I'm racist, dude. A gay black man. Oh, no, that's not it. It's the other things you've done.
I'm just saying, like, I'm not even racist, dude.
A lot of these people are good people.
Okay, I'm just joking, bro.
No, but you get on the phone and you're like, hold on, hold on.
No.
Hold on.
You ain't.
You not white.
Like, you didn't say that.
None of those are man.
You didn't say that. didn't say that he was like
you ain't white you catfish me man he goes bro bro bro that was that joke in white and white
chicks yes yeah oh really it was like yeah the big guy yeah the big guy terry cruz he's like
he's like black women he was like wait you're not white yeah i haven't seen that movie i'm ready to
be black too in my next life hmm yeah do it You got to ask for it. Go try it.
Thank you.
Did you hang up at what point?
Your first interaction, you were just like, oh, come on.
No, I talked for a minute or two.
I just felt bad for the guy a little bit.
Good for you.
That's very Theo to talk for a minute or two.
I thought of a Panera Bread, and I was kind of late for an appointment.
A bread appointment.
Good evening, guys.
Oh, wow.
That's good.
That's formal.
No, like you're proper.
I like that.
Yeah, I like that. Professional. Good evening guys Oh wow That's good No like you're proper I like that Yeah I like that
Professional
Good evening guys
Good evening guys
Welcome to a very special time
For announcements
King
The Sting
And the Wing
We're hitting Patreon son
Yep
Tell them Chris
March 10th
March 10th
Is the episode
That drops
That is exclusive
For Patreon
What are we doing two on
patreon and two free on youtube that's right yeah so that's the deal from now on yeah um it's called
the takeover yep so every other week will be patreon every other week will be on youtube
and why are we doing it guys to control our shit a little bit more. We're going to be on Patreon.
There's going to be no ads on there.
Yeah, because the ads, sometimes the truth is the ads kind of, they just, I don't know.
They get upset if you don't do certain stuff.
Some of it, I don't want to deal with.
Yeah, we get it.
This is us fighting back.
You're getting Chris D'Elia, Theo Vaughn, and myself.
King, the sting, and the wing.
Buzz, buzz, gang, gang.
Sore.
Yeah, I hate paneer bread.
Honestly?
Dude, me too.
Who likes it more than your girl, though?
You know what I mean?
Bro, what is it about?
Nobody likes it.
No.
Can we get a salad from
someplace else it's not i know it's not even it's not even it's not even like single girls it's like
a girl that has a boyfriend loves panera dude yeah they want to get out and go get the bowl
and they want to say panera it makes it sound like it sounds fancy like you're going somewhere
my mom told me as a kid you'd call Target Target Tar-Jay.
It's annoying, but honestly, though,
Panera bread?
How about Panera bread?
Panera means fucking bread, right? So basically it's just bread bread? Bread bread.
Let's go to bread bread.
I have a question for you guys.
All-Garne can suck my dick, too.
I met Benner once.
So my girl was away. I picked her up last night
and I got her a Valentine's card,
you know,
and then I,
from like Ralph's
where you're talking about?
Yeah,
I went to like Vons on the way,
you know what I mean?
And it,
but it was one of those,
it was like,
I loved all the words it said.
Oh yeah.
They're on the bottom.
I wrote like,
you know,
I love you.
Can't wait to be married,
blah,
blah,
blah.
Yeah.
I love it.
So she like got it
and she was like,
I wish you would have wrote more.
Oh,
you know?
And I was like,
yeah,
this card is saying all my words. Yeah. That's why I picked the card. That's why I picked the card. She was like, I wish you would have wrote more. Oh. You know? And I was like, but this card is saying all my words.
Yeah, that's why I picked the card.
That's why I picked the card.
She was like, I know, but those are the card's words.
Yeah, she has a point.
What are your words?
I'm like, I have a point, Brendan.
What?
No.
Get out.
Get out.
Did you kick her out?
Get out.
Did you get her chocolate too, Eric?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He ate half of them.
Hey, sorry.
I ate all the caramels.
You got to put the fat joke counter.
That was like Tourette's.
I didn't even, that wasn't even me.
Do you have fat joke Tourette's?
If you buy them, you can have one, I feel like.
Yeah, me too, but I tried.
I just make her open them right away.
Nice.
I don't open it.
I just go, let's open it, girl.
Before you read the card, let's open those chocolates.
Give him chocolate.
Let's open, baby.
I've been thinking about him all day.
That card sounds better if you got a little chocolate in you.
But she got me something from New York.
She got me this eclair that says, I eclair that I love you.
You know, and I said, but those aren't your words.
Oh, nice.
He's like, but those aren't your words.
Yeah, yeah.
But I did.
Luckily, even though they're not your words, those words taste delicious.
What dessert? You all have a go-to dessert? Brownies. Ice cream. Fuck it. Anything else? Key to do. Look at that, though. Even though they're not your words, those words taste delicious. Yeah. What dessert?
You all have a go-to dessert?
Brownies.
Ice cream.
Fuck it.
Anything else?
Key lime pie.
No, I'm done.
Done, done, done.
No, no way.
Key lime pie.
No way.
You're lying, guys.
Key lime pie.
I go, why would I lie about ice cream, bro?
Ice cream?
What could you lie about?
You're so white.
Just ice cream.
Yeah, just ice cream.
Just ice cream.
Vanilla?
Nah, fuck that.
Until something comes out, and then he's doing it, and then he'll say, no, no, no, this is
what I'm doing.
That is very me. That is very me.
That is very me.
But ice cream, though.
But ice cream, though.
Ice cream, dude.
Ice cream.
I like icing.
I go to.
Icing?
Bro, that's.
I love icing.
That's crazy, bro.
Dude, I'll go to Mrs. Fields and I get two warm chocolate cookies and I'll have them put two inches of vanilla ice in
and I squeeze it.
I've seen them
once a week as a kid.
I save all my money and do that.
It's just sugar.
Ice cream's good?
I want other stuff too that activates the sugar.
Icing is just sugar.
He talked to Lenny Kravitz for three hours
at the Super Bowl.
You don't think this guy eats icing? Still eats just sugar. He talked to Lenny Kravitz for three hours during the Super Bowl. That's terrible. You don't think this guy eats icing?
Five hours.
Still on carnivore diet.
I'm showing that Tiger King diet.
Hey, dude.
You know what?
I thought about this last night while going to sleep.
I want you to stop doing the fucking carnivore diet.
No way.
Yeah.
You know why?
Because you can't keep doing it.
You have to stop at some point
because you're going to fucking die.
Maybe.
Enjoy my time here.
Dude, shut up, man.
Okay, see?
Wow. Very... See, that's Native American. Can, see? Very, see? That's Native American.
Can I tell you something, though? The way he did it, he kind of
made me feel good and then took it away.
You just fucking, you know.
Bro, you want
to get stabbed in the back? I'll stab you in the front, bro.
Look in your eyes. Look in my eyes, bro.
There you go.
You'd rather that, bro.
100%. What's this young man want?
He's sneaky.
He needs some advice.
G'day, guys.
Rowan Townsend here from Queensland, Australia.
Oh, yeah, Australia forever.
I have some advice for you guys.
My mister likes to go on girls' trips,
and obviously I don't really like attending those Makeup fucking tutorial Fucking shitstorms
I'm all good gossip things I'm fine
But when she wants to come
When I'm on the boys trips she wants to attend
Am I a dick for saying
No I don't want you to come for that
Cause I don't come to yours
Let us know gang gang buzz buzz
You can't bring your girl on a boys trip
That's the
It's like
it's like when you're in the road and your feature brings his girlfriend's like what the
fuck you doing dude just put the whole vibe up just don't don't you got this it's just it's the
age old thing it's like oh yeah like oh man one time i was with my ex and she was like um do you want to have lunch with uh my friend and i and i said
no and she said what and i was like i just don't want to and she said well i would want to have
lunch with you and your friends and i said my friends are the most entertaining people in the
world actually yeah it's not the same yeah right It's not the same at all. Yeah.
You know, by the way, you don't have to have fairness in everything either.
Yeah, that's true. You don't have to have equality in everything either.
Yeah.
You don't have to tell her, well, you go with your friends.
I should go.
You just go, no, we don't want any girls there.
No.
That's it.
That's the whole vibe of it.
Yeah.
We need, yeah.
I don't know.
I don't have anyone.
I don't know, man.
I mean, I don't mind going.
I don't like how you said that.
Sorry. One day I will have somebody. I don't have somebody right now because I don't know. I don't have anyone. I don't know, man. I mean, I don't mind going out. I don't like how you said that. Sorry.
One day I will have somebody.
I don't have somebody right now because I don't have any.
I've been dating.
You're working on yourself.
Yeah.
And I've been dating.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
There's nothing wrong with that.
You don't have to be mad at that.
No, I'm mad.
Well, yeah.
You seem to be.
I want you to find someone.
You guys know this answer better than I do.
This guy has a problem with his wife.
I feel like there's just, you know, know she wants that's just what women most of
the time speaking generally want they want their dude but do the other girls want their dudes to
be with them they're all having the same argument too you know what i mean he should just say like
what do your friends say oh wow because you don't want to be the only dude bitch you don't want to
be the only dude bitch this is you keep working out brother but you don't want to be the only
dude bitch that is like brings your chick everywhere you bring your chick but worse you
don't want to fuck up their shit the girls don't the other girls don't really want that guy there
not at all my girl my girl has these her friends come over and she's like would you want to be here
i'm like no i go seriously go to the basement I'm going to be up in my office playing video games. They talk about it. They talk about it. They're unbelievable, bro.
They talk about their lunch they had the other night.
Or feelings.
It's like, what?
You need more of that, though.
But I do a lot of that now.
I talk about my feelings a lot, dude.
To your therapist?
Yeah.
I'll cry right now.
Do you think your therapist rolls her eyes every time?
My therapist is so good, dude.
She is unbelievable, man.
Everyone says that.
Bro.
Oh, wow.
Have you guys started
she's older you know what bro not everything's a joke
there it is he in his feelings i love it no no no i'm kidding dude she's just
fuck you know what she is i don't ever say she's wonderful dude that's good that's so strong she's
great i i i i definitely have more empathy
and the thing is here's the other thing i i i hated like the other day i caught myself listening
to music and i never listened to music and i never listened to music because it makes me too emotional
and and i and i hated accessing that part like if you turn on fucking david gray forget it dude
i would just leave me on hand leave me on hand, leave me on hand.
Light and fucking tears down my nose.
You don't have to listen to that bitch shit, though.
I know, but everything was that to me.
Brandon, that's a good song.
And that is a good song, dude.
Yeah.
Babylon, leave me on hand, leave me on hand.
And that's not even as good as he does it.
And so I would listen to that in the car, and it would just break me down.
I'd be like, you got to turn this shit off.
Exactly.
Well, you know when you're going through a'd be like, you got to turn this shit off. Exactly.
You know when you're going through a breakup, though, you turn on the radio and all of a sudden everything's like, you know, I used to love you.
Every song's about you.
Yeah, yeah.
So I get music.
It's very much.
I couldn't do it.
And everybody got one leg in a commercial now.
You notice that?
I do notice that, dude.
It's horrendous, bro.
What is that?
Have you seen the new fucking Cheaper by the Dozen movie that they made on Disney Plus?
I'm out.
Bro, it's like a black guy and a girl and a white guy and a black guy get together and they have kids and now this is
the new version of cheaper by the dozen they're not just white people and then they open the door
and they're like hey hasan to one of their indian kids i'm like how the fuck did an indian get in
here it's just so woke and there is somebody with only one leg in that show every unbelievable
and um don't even get me started.
No, get started.
Oh, yeah.
Because I've been talking about some of this on stage, man.
One of your favorite bits, but you got a great bit about that.
I love how in the old days they put a dog before a minority.
Look, they put a dog before.
That's how much racist they were.
But here's what they're doing now, though.
Here's what they're doing now.
They're still making shit all white.
Like these commercials, everybody's still white,
but like this Huggies commercial, the baby got glasses.
Oh.
That's how they doing it now.
Yeah, that's a diversity hire.
Yeah, that's how they diversity.
And my thing is like, that shit is distracting.
Cause how does baby get glasses?
Are they holding the baby up
and the doctor's like one or two?
Yeah, baby's in a little wheelchair.
Yeah, yeah, like how's the baby gonna fuck out?
The wheelchair comes out with him. It's like, I don't...
So it's like, I don't get what's going on.
Is that how you want to...
Is that how you want to sell your product?
Having people distracted, looking like, do I need to send money?
People probably aren't buying it, man.
Everyone's afraid.
I just don't get it, man.
Remember the Guinness commercial with the dudes in the wheelchairs playing basketball?
I don't know.
And then at the end of it, they're like, Guinness.
Oh, yeah.
Is this in the 80s?
Like, what the fuck?
That got to do with...
Guinness probably got half of them hit by drunk drivers. I just don't get it. I don't get it at the end of it they're like guinness oh yeah 80s like what the fuck does that gotta do it probably got half of them hit by drunk drivers i just i just don't get
it i don't get it that's blackish well yeah this has to be by the dozen no this is blackish yeah
yeah they let you know in the title what this is about and there's still that's what we have to do
we got to put it in the title it'd be interesting if people sent in a video and they just described
themselves and then there was a break and then they told, we got to guess who's fan they were.
Would that be a good idea
or not, Nick?
I think it would be a good idea.
Yeah, I actually thought
the same thing
like a few videos ago
when we said that
about my thing.
I'm not saying
I thought of the idea first.
We both thought about it
independently, but yes.
It's a good idea.
Parallel thinking.
This guy.
Here's the commercial, guys.
And it's all sad.
The music's all.
It's not sad.
It's powerful.
That's what I'm saying. If one of them don't, it would be bad. Yeah, it would be sick the music's all sad it's powerful that's what i'm saying if one of them
don't it would be bad yeah i'd be sick it's murder ball no but you want to make a man cry
you do sports this makes you want to drink beer though disabled
oh this makes you want to what if at the end it said prison rules even they play basketball
even they even they drink
so you're kind of like what is this oh no
loyalty there's no black guys no there is dude this is but some butterscotch in there
oh oh then they just oh because there's one guy right yeah no it's one guy they were doing it oh that's cool that's pretty cool i like that commercial honestly i Oh, because it's one guy, right? Yeah, no, it's one guy. They were doing it for him.
Oh, that's cool.
That's pretty cool.
I like that commercial, honestly.
But then it's about Guinness.
Yeah, that's stupid.
That's what I'm saying.
It could be Toyota.
It could be anything.
Remember when that drunk driver hit Ronnie?
That's what it said at the end.
They're playing on our heartstrings to sell products.
Oh, no, that's bullshit.
You know what I mean?
It worked on me.
I'll never drink it again.
Dude, can I ask you guys this?
How about not one funny Super Bowl commercial?
Oh, hey, I'll go beyond.
How about not one
funny commercial ever
pretty much in the history of time?
How about that?
That's not true, motherfucker.
Oh, bro, get out of here.
I was in that super funny commercial
called Swear Jar.
Okay.
Okay.
I didn't see it.
It wasn't good.
I saw something you were in.
I don't know if it was good.
It was a funny commercial.
Dude, there are some,
but do you know how easy,
and I mean this, dude.
The Geico commercial.
Easy it is.
Let me sit on my hands to make a funny commercial.
It's extremely fucking easy.
It's not, though, because they didn't do it this weekend.
Dude, they can't do it because there's so much bureaucracy and red tape.
It's so easy to do it.
That's why they ruined Austin Powers and Cable Guy.
Two of the funniest things ever.
My point is, if you can make Austin Powers ruined Austin Powers and Cable Guy. Two of the funniest things ever. It makes no sense.
My point is, if you can make Austin Powers and you can make Cable Guy two funny movies,
those are two hours.
You can't make 30 seconds worth of funny?
No, they didn't.
You suck.
They didn't.
You suck.
Is this Eric's commercial?
I'm making a funny commercial right now.
It's safety first now.
Let's see Eric's commercial.
Let's see.
I'm going to be honest with you.
And Brendan's doing drugs.
What's that?
Always done.
That's a swear jar.
Every time someone swears, you put a quarter in it. Who gets money so far it's not funny i don't know we'll use it to buy something for the office like a case of bud light or
something awesome yeah so far it's not good bob you jim that was me i was really fat back then. Can I borrow your pen?
Can I borrow your f***ing pen?
You know what's funny?
Will the owner of a white station wagon please go f*** yourself?
It's too...
We're gonna go down there.
Don't f***ing see that.
Don't let these motherf***ers punk you.
You laughed. It was funny.
It's two winners.
Well done, and they tried to make it totally fucking.
Shut the fuck up.
This takes too long.
I'm so proud of you motherfucking suckers.
That's good.
That guy was funny.
I like that guy.
You're not even in that bitch.
I'm right there, bitch.
You don't see me?
I like that last part.
You're there like Brian's in the Joker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
It's fine.
Can I tell you something?
That commercial, they didn't put on the air for long.
They used it on the internet.
It was before the new media thing.
I was going to tell you, that was never on TV.
It was right after.
No, that commercial won a bunch of Emmys.
Right after what, 9-11?
It was never on TV.
It was for, they did.
Okay.
But the thing is, it was right after Janet Jackson's titty popped out.
Oh, so they were like super sensitive about everything.
But then this is one of these things they would let people like share it, share it, share it.
And so we got this shit money.
Six million views.
Right there.
Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake owe me a million dollars.
Wow.
You should got a little bread off that.
And we also did like another commercial after that.
The same concept, but it was like a clothing drive
So we're all walking around naked. You got to get that bread homie. Yeah, I just think
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we could do another one. Yeah, this is Theo
Theo hopefully Chris so he can roast the shit out of me. But um, who is Jeff? I was wondering what you guys think about this so
For my mullet hitter. I don't use shampoo or conditioner
for my mullet hitter, I don't use shampoo or conditioner.
I basically just scrub my hair with
tea tree oil, and then once I'm
done, like once I get out of the shower, I'll mix
coconut oil and Moroccan oil. Is this everybody
from Napoleon Dynamite in one person?
Why does he sound like Shaq?
It's good. I mean, it's just, you know,
keeping this mullet hitter, like, nice and fucking
nice and delicious.
You know, the guy's fucking one of the hottest women I've seen
in a while
you may need to
stop working out
we can't have you
looking like this
that boy's dime piece
he's dime
let me tell you something
I'll tell you right now
he's boss
I'll tell you right now
that guy's disguising
his ugliness
he's disguising
his ugliness
you think
the glasses
the mullet
the mustache
he can't see
his glasses are like
you know what I'm saying?
I think that somebody can't see,
but they're looking good.
This motherfucker's glasses are so thick.
Yeah, they're thick.
I'm not going to see the moon.
I bet you he can't even get contacts.
His eyesight is so shitty.
You can get contacts.
You can clearly see.
That ain't for sunglasses.
Let me tell you something.
If that guy cut his mullet,
shaved his mustache,
took his glasses off, guess what he is?
A six.
No.
With that body, he's a five or six.
Yeah, he's a six.
What do you mean?
That guy looks like he has a good body.
No, no, no, no.
The mustache is what disguises his ugliness.
So when the opposite sex sees him, they're like, okay, okay.
If they met him without the mustache, they'd be all, no way.
I'm telling you right now.
Really?
It's why Theo got famous after his fucking mullet.
Yeah. Dude, I had this as a child.
You're talented. People liked me. You're very
talented. That guy has craps for days.
And you should be famous and fucking
have money. Yeah. But the mullet
helped you, bro. No way.
You know, see, I had to qualify it with all that
shit. Yeah. He's saying the mullet
is everything. I had a Netflix special
when I didn't have long hair. Oh, that's
fair. I know, I know.
But at that time, Netflix was a big deal.
You found yourself, bro.
But Netflix wasn't a big deal then.
No, no, no.
You found yourself, bro.
You became you.
You became you.
It was a huge deal to get one, though.
They only gave out six that year.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
You became you, bro.
It was your destiny.
Oh, no.
I think it could have been, but it was also part of my childhood, so I think it was just
a return to destiny.
I think there's no one more natural.
But you lose yourself.
You should cut it off.
No, no, no, no, no.
I think honestly it suits you.
I don't even think of myself as having people.
I don't even think of myself.
I just like having long hair.
I figured you don't even cut it.
I figured it just grows.
We don't want him to be the white weekend.
This is how I live.
No, you're cool like that.
Don't cut it.
I don't know anything else. Now, Chris, you start going bald,
we got problems. Yeah.
Have you seen his dad? I might.
His dad is like a wizard.
Yeah. Oh, yeah?
Wizard is a racial slur, isn't it? I lost
for word, yeah. These wizards?
I lost...
Have you seen the Washington Wizards?
Yeah, they're pretty good, too. I lost, started losing hair. I lost hair you seen The Washington Wizards? Yeah They're pretty good too
I lost
Started losing hair
I lost hair
When I was like 36
And then it just stopped
And this is my hair now
Yeah
Yeah
But your dad has the same
Your dad's
I actually think
I actually think
I have more hair
Than I did when I was 36
Because I
I started taking that shit
Propecia
Yeah
Or whatever it is
Yeah
You know what it
Hold on
No mine's not called that
Mine's not called that.
Finasteride.
Yes, that's what it is.
It's Finasteride.
Pro-co-chop.
It's vitamin D.
It's Procheapsa.
That's what I take it to.
It's cheaper.
Finasteride is?
But as it should be, I think.
You don't want to overpay for something.
Why do you use it?
You don't have any problems.
I need it, bro.
My hair is disappearing, man.
Yeah, that's crazy, bro.
You don't want to hear anybody else's hair disappearing.
You have such a fantastic head of hair.
Your hairline is in a dope spot.
It's like,
wow.
It's going back.
You guys don't feel his hairline is if me and Chris had a baby like mine,
I got worried about running my eyebrows.
Yeah.
Your shit is way tight.
Yeah.
My shit is.
I have a big forehead.
Yeah.
It's like people.
I have the smallest forehead in the world.
You guys even know who people Bryce?
Oh,
I know who people are rising.
Yeah,
you're right.
Oh yeah.
The number one guy on one of those fucking,
when they used to sell CDs on commercials and he would be right he would be there yeah yeah like it was like you
know he was for you like the summer jams but he would be hosting the thing he'd be like i'm people
bryson and we are yeah 100 he's the beauty and the beast guy yeah beautiful guy he's saying it with
uh celine dion oh i didn't know that i don't know him wow he's beauty and the beast is that it nick
that's it that's it that was a long show yeah uh hour 10. Is that it, Nick? That's it. That's it? That was a long show, yeah?
Hour 10.
That's not bad.
Is it really?
Really?
Wow.
Wow.
Jesus.
Where you boys at, man?
I'm in Sacramento, I'm sorry, February 24th through 26th.
March, early March, I'm in Nashville, Zany's March. Next Shopping Friends is February 23rd, Wednesday, 8pm.
Hollywood Improv, Shop and Friends.
Some Monsters. So then after that
24th, 26th, Sacramento.
The Punchline.
There's 30 tickets left. We can't add shows.
So that bitch can sell out. So get them right now.
And then in March, I'm at Zany's
Nashville. Early March.
And then
I'm in Chicago in March. Oh, go ahead. Who's next? You want to go then I'm in Chicago in March
oh go ahead who's next
I'm in
Brea well it's sold out so I'm
in Brea I added another show
it might be sold out by the time this comes out
Friday or Sunday
I added a show on Sunday
I'm gonna be there it's sold out oh Eric's coming yeah
I'm gonna be there Friday Saturday and Friday
and friends and friday on friday um uh and then um and then i'm in irvine in
april um that's a long way i know but that's my only day so i feel you yeah i don't have a lot of
dates either for some reason i'm going to cal cal now's the time to go man the mandates are out
they're letting you do it i did i just wasn't in canada i just did uh it was fine i thought they
all shut down with the trucks and shit.
No, they got a little laxer.
No masks or what?
Yeah, they're in there with no masks.
Wow.
I've been to Canada twice now.
I went to Edmonton, and then I went to Vancouver, and it was fine.
Bro, how about I was at a restaurant this morning,
and there used to be strict on showing vax cards,
and the guy who owns it, kind you know whatever 40s 50 years old
and the lady worked in the front this like group of six came in and she's like uh can i see your
back sorry stop that bullshit oh that's done with it we're done with it and he goes give me that
sign rip the sign off the door i'm like whoa everybody should just have a picture of the
mayor at the game without a mask on oh bro third time yeah the third. The third time. The first time he said he held his breath,
then he's at the Super Bowl, and now he's just like, fuck.
Third time. I don't even care if you believe
in it or not. Just do what you
want us to do.
It's like some fucking... We just want some consistency.
Yeah, I don't even give a shit. Believe in it
the whole time. But wear it
all the time. Yeah, yeah, man. Deal, where are you going to be at, bro?
I want to say what's up to my friend Party Next Door,
bro. He's a big fan of this show, dude dude and of all the comedians the music part next door
yeah oh and uh i'll be in rockford oh i got i'll be in rockford illinois you dropped another
name down there okay so every 25 i did yeah february 25 uh of 2022 and i'll be at chicago
illinois february 26 of 2022. and you can get those TheoVon.com slash tour.
Damn, you give out this year.
Yeah.
Well, what's up with the year drop?
People get confused.
You say this year and they think next year?
Or what is that?
Oh, that's this year.
No, he's doing his shows like electric cars.
You know, it's like, it's coming out in 2025.
I've been in Chicago since 2026, man.
Yeah.
That's it.
Love you guys.
All right, guys.
I love you guys. All right, guys. I love you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys.
I love you guys. I love We'll be right back. Can't forget about Brendan, he still need everything thick, thick, thick Still got the bees in the trap trapping Still the king in the sting, so quit asking
If you know, then you know it's a cat's thing Ball and chain, hair swang like the rat king
King in the sting, back with the crew We got Stevie Weeby, Eric Griffin, Brendan, Theo too
Yeah, you know how we do it, so just tune in for the laughs.
Theo said that he was on his way, but ran out of gas.
King and the Sting.
King and the Sting.
King and the Sting.
King and the Sting. And the stink.