The Golden Hour - Episode 168: Christmas Oyster
Episode Date: April 15, 2022The guys give their take on rapper T.I. doing stand up comedy, play the Easter Name Game, and talk Theo's Asian singing voice, Erik's swim team past, who'd they'd switch lives wit...h amongst each other, Nestle eggs, cavities, Chris's jumping, Theo on Reality Bites Back and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
if you guys weren't in my life,
my life would be much worse.
And I'm not,
I don't know if I would be alive.
And that's the truth.
There it is.
You guys were there for me during my darkest shit.
And I love you all.
I love the three of you, man.
I love you.
There it is.
What a bitch, huh?
You ever met this guy?
Oh, I'm the dumb one.
You can't argue.
There's something about me.
You have no idea what you're saying.
Gang, gang.
Buzz, buzz.
Soul.
I was on stage.
He was on the show.
He popped in and they were like, he wants to go up. And I was like, he's going to do fucking 40 minutes because then I'm going to leave. And I was talking, he was on the show. He popped in and they were like, he wants to go up.
And I was like, he's going to do fucking 40 minutes because then I'm going to leave.
And they were like, nah, he said he's going to do short.
So I was like, I'll hang around.
He got off at like 15 minutes.
So I'm like, okay, that's cool, man.
If you want to come in, you want to do a little spot, test it out for 15 minutes.
Okay.
And how was the set?
He actually got laughs for the, I saw him struggle like three times.
And then this time I saw him do, you know,
he got some laughs.
I mean, it wasn't bam, bam, bam, bam, bam by any means,
but it was cool.
The crowd got to see T.I.
And, you know.
I don't know.
I feel stronger in this seat for some reason.
But then I went on and I was talking about how
it's hilarious.
It's like the only job you can just short skip to,
to the top.
I know.
You know what I mean?
See, it's the joke I was making about you.
But about how like.
No, but.
It's the same thing.
It's serious.
It's like, dude, okay, you can do stand-up TI.
But you can't, Chris.
No, but TI, you can do stand-up.
No, you can't.
But you can do stand-up, but then you have to live in a house that I build because I
don't do that.
Yeah.
So, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's like, this is not my job.
I will build you a house. Yeah, but to that point Chris
It's like yeah, he can jump to the toppings at the Comedy Store and Laugh Factory
But that's he's not gonna be able to build a career. No, I know that after a while people go. Yeah, that's TI dude
Yeah, he's terrible
But he'll get the problem though
Is that he's still gonna get allowed the chance to be like how many comedy clubs if he If he said, I'm going to do a TI tour, it's going to happen.
Oh, yeah.
It's going to happen.
But I'm fine with that.
Especially in a black market, too.
He's going to be out there.
He's going to be at Atlanta Comedy.
He's going to sell it out.
But look, it depends.
If he's bombing, then run.
You have one run.
You'll get the one run.
One or two, honestly.
If you're doing more than, if he's headlined more than two years,
all right, then we got something.
But here's the thing, though.
You got to put the work in.
But no, here's the thing though but no here's the thing
but if you're gonna promote yourself on the show
fine
that's fine
that's cool
it brings people to the
like if you're gonna sell tickets
and there's gonna be an audience
you can't complain about that
that's good
then we go on the show
it's great
we perform for fucking people
that wanna see TI
who gives a fuck
but
if you're not gonna promote it
and then you're gonna bump people
and do 40 minutes
then that's the thing
where it's like, all right.
Well, that's where the comedy places have put their foot down.
Dude, I'm going to find out who you are.
You ain't coming on here bumping off these legit comedians who have been here for years, man, just because you had that hot track seven years ago.
Yeah.
Remember Charlie Sheen was trying to do the Tiger Blood tour?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two shows and people were like, dude, it's awful.
And then he had to bring Jeff Ross on and all these other dudes to get.
Wasn't even Mike Tyson doing comedy or trying to?
I think he had like a one-man show.
He had a one-man show.
I actually saw it.
It was like a one-man play.
It was critically acclaimed.
Yeah, people did end up liking it.
That show was great.
Brendan cried at it yeah speaking of tours
Phoenix I just added another show
chrysalia.com
I'm going to tell you then
I'm going to be coming
Phoenix go to chrysalia.com
we are opening up
another show chrysalia.com
Phoenix another show at the
Celebrity Theater.
So front row ticket.
You go get those front row tickets right now.
And when are you there?
April 30th. April 14th before you see Chris.
April 14th, 15th, 16th, I'm in Phoenix.
Stand up live in Arizona.
Then April 22nd through 23rd, I'm at Cap City, Moontower Comedy Festival.
Thickboy.com.
Special drops the 28th on Thickboy as well.
Holla.
Y'all have no, what's it called, Eric?
Decorum.
Yeah.
That's not true.
I have decorum.
Class.
Decorum, man.
I'll be in Albuquerque on May 18th.
That dude has to read from a phone.
Midland, Texas.
You don't even memorize your date.
Midland, Texas.
No respect for that.
Which is a real place. It's the worst name. It's a liar. You got that iPhone 11 over there, too. It your date. Midland, Texas. No respect. Which is a real place.
It's the worst name.
A lot of deniers.
You got that iPhone 11 over there, too.
Yeah, but it shouldn't be Midland.
It's like, name it better.
Be creative.
It's a place.
May 19 at Midland.
Lubbock, Texas.
May 20, Dallas at the 21st.
And then I got some dates in June coming up.
That's going to be Savannah and some other joints.
Augusta. You're going to dress like you
have whitewater rafting tours?
Do you think? Dude, this is Eddie
Bauer, dog. If you wore that
whitewater rafting, you're the first guy that drowned.
That's too light. You've got to wear a healthier one.
No, you could say you would drown.
And why is that, Theo?
Why is that?
I think he's saying he would hold you under.
He thinks half of you would drown.
I used to be on the swim team, son. I think he said he would hold you under. No, he thinks half of you would drag. History is the history.
I used to be on the swim team, son.
I was on the swim team.
Yeah, I used to swim.
But then I had to stop because they said you should shave,
and it's just not going to happen.
Really?
Yeah.
Stand for something.
Yeah.
They said share just like a bear just going through the wall.
Like a grizzly bear.
Looking for salmon.
Every meet was like,
go home!
Sorry.
Yeah, I was at the Beverly Hills YMCA
back in the day.
There's other fish swimming under him.
Sucking off of him.
Feeding off him, the sucker fish.
It's good to be back, guys.
It's good to be back.
It's good to have you back, dude.
It's like upside down sharks swimming.
The king, the sting, the wing.
And the sea.
Ooh, nice.
That was a good one.
Yeah, I always have to end it with that.
And that's so annoying to me.
But you do it.
It's my thing.
It's fine.
Can I have my thing?
Yes, you can have your thing.
You know what annoys me?
That annoys me.
But that's designed to annoy you.
Okay, so woo, woo, woo.
It's not, dude.
That one was kind of good, though.
You did it good.
I like the woo, woo.
Yeah.
Woo, woo, woo.
It feels good.
He's good.
He's good.
I mean, he's good.
Can you sing, Theo?
No.
I can sing like... Let's hear it. Don't talk about it. He can't hear it. He sounds like I mean, he's good. Can you sing, Theo? No. I can sing like...
Let's hear it.
Don't talk about it.
He sounds like an Asian when he sings.
Isn't it weird, Chin?
No, Asians can sing, man.
No, no.
He sounds like an Asian person trying to sing.
Oh, you mean like one of those people that karaoke, they can't speak English, but all
of a sudden they're like, you know...
This is my impression of Theo.
It's just a wild town, girl.
Wow.
Theo, what song did you hear?
Wow.
You are so beautiful.
Wow, that's crazy.
That's how he sounds.
Pour some sugar on the meal.
Whoa, shit.
Uh-oh.
Oh, the lightning bolt, dude.
You're fired.
Oh, he's trying to take your stuff right there.
Pour some sugar on the meal.
Pour some sugar on the meal. So exaggerate. But it's like a sumo wrestler.
He's like,
come on.
Now I got to hear it.
Theo,
hit it.
Wish I had it for you guys.
Theo,
it's okay.
No,
big time now. Theo, I'm playing Midland now you guys. Dio! It's okay. I feel big time now.
Dio, let's go, Dio.
I'm playing Midland now, dude.
I know.
I do a lot. I'll sing.
Some black women come out.
I'll sing at funeral.
I'll sing at a birthday party.
Karaoke, I do a lot of Christmas carol.
That's my big hit.
That's a bummer.
Singing Silent Night in fucking June.
That's you in the funeral, just Dio's my big hit. That's a bummer. Singing Silent Night in fucking June. That's you in the funeral just deos in the back.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a sentimental feeling when you hear.
See, close your eyes.
It's an old Asian band.
I'll tell you right now, I wish he would close his eyes because he's looking directly at me.
And that's fucked up, dude.
Deck the halls with bells of valley.
Oh, bro, you're Asian when you sing.
Hey, who put them peeps up there?
My mouth is watering, daddy.
I have some that haven't touched the table, I think.
I got cavities, so I can't eat them.
I don't eat peeps.
I've never eaten a peep before in my life.
You've never had a peep?
No.
End of discussion.
What else would you like to talk about?
But you've had a chocolate rabbit.
Dude.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
You eat ear or ass first?
Ear.
I go ass.
No, I go...
I go ass first.
Eric.
I'm not even gonna...
Fuck you.
Like, he's only gonna...
He's like, we know who goes ass first, Eric.
You wanna talk about how you like to eat ass?
You gotta go ass first.
You eat the bottom of it?
Yeah, you gotta go.
You know what I mean?
You gotta go ass first, man.
I don't like eating them chocolate rabbits
Because it's too hard to manage, really
I like a smaller snack
I like the, um
Bring up the
Couldn't agree with you more
Easter egg
Bring up the
The catberry?
Nestle egg
Nestle egg?
Yeah
Nestle egg
I couldn't agree with you more, dude
It's too much
It melts
Chocolate melts and shit in your hand
No, bro, that's why you need the hollow ones
Nestle egg, brother
Damn, Jesus
I mean, I get it
You can look over there, Theo
On that screen, Theo.
On that screen, Theo.
Theo's like an angry preacher and like an angry southern preacher.
Yeah, those are good.
Those are good.
Those are good.
Thank you.
Yeah, those are good.
You're welcome.
I agree with you.
Daddy can't touch any of those.
They got four cavities.
Do you?
You do?
Get them filled, dude.
No, I'm losing weight
so I don't fix my teeth
so I don't eat sugar.
Oh, that's reverse psychology. Is that called reverse psychology? Yeah, maybe. i don't fix my teeth so i don't need sugar oh that's reverse psychology is that called reverse psychology yeah maybe i don't know i think it's
called smart i think it's called he's gross dude he has four cavities do you have cavities i've
never had a cavity i don't know me neither i've never had cavities really yeah bullshit never
had a cavity i've had cavities but i don't have any right now yeah you've never had one i've never
had one no i mean i know i've never had a cavity your entire life? No, I've never had one. No. I mean, no, I've never had a cavity, dude.
I brush my teeth.
Eric had one.
I do, too, but I also ate tons of sugar.
Tons of sugar.
Eric is a cavity, though.
He's like black and white.
Here we go.
And we're back.
Let's go to the...
Boom, boom, boom.
Let's go to this blue-eyed angel right here.
His hair came with the hat.
It's not even real.
What up, boys?
It's Dalton from Wisconsin.
Takes it off.
I have a little name game for you guys.
This is a related item.
Would have never guessed his name was Dalton.
That Peter Cottontail hitter.
Cincy?
Let's hear it, boys.
And since this is going off the rails a little bit, you know, with the autism and all,
love to hear Chin be the judge of this.
Keep you fellas in line.
So, yeah, I want to hear your name game.
Unreal.
Also, doing stand-up comedy soon. Look up to you guys. So, yeah, I want to hear your name game. Also, doing stand-up comedy soon.
Look up to you guys.
Thanks for the content.
It means the world to me.
Hopefully I can open for you guys one day.
See you at the name game.
Game, game, buzz, buzz.
Assault!
Nice.
What's up, guys?
Going to take a little break from the king and the sting in the wing this week
because I'm here to tell you it's time.
It's happening. My special drops on thick boy youtube april 28th it's coming in hot the gringo poppy
30 minutes of pure fire lighting up my mexican family tune in april 28th on thick boy youtube
the gringo poppy your boy's 30 minuteminute special. Please tune in. I beg you.
Let's take a little break from King the Sting and the Wing.
Because, gentlemen, did you know two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time that they're 35?
More than 50 million bros in the U.S. suffer from male pattern baldness.
I see it at my shows, man.
I see it at my shows.
You're going bald, man.
I'll be seeing a lot of those bald heads this weekend in Phoenix, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
But listen, my friends at Keeps offers a simple, affordable, stress-free way to keep your freaking hair.
You meet with a doctor virtually, all right?
They have 24-7 care and support.
You got any questions?
We got you, man.
A real person talks to you.
It's low cost.
Treatments start at just $10 per month.
Keeps offers generic versions of the two FDA-approved medications to prevent hair loss.
Treatment plans are affordable, typically half the cost of pharmacy prices.
So go to my friends at Keeps.
Keeps has everything you need to keep your hair.
It's delivered straight to your door, discreet little package, all right?
Proven results.
Remember, prevention is key.
Treatments can take four to six months to see results,
so act fast.
If you're ready to take action, prevent hair loss,
go to keeps.com slash cats.
That's K-E-E-P-S dot com slash cats
to get your first month of treatment for free.
That's keeps.com slash cats
to get your first month free. K-E-E- That's keeps.com slash cats. Get your first month free.
K-E-E-P-S dot com slash cats.
All right, buckaroos.
The NBA playoffs mean next level basketball.
It's getting real.
Get ready for all the action by betting the play-in tournament with DraftKings Sportsbook,
the official sports betting partner of the NBA.
New customers can bet $5 on any team to win and
get $150
in free bets instantly.
You clinch a win no matter what.
All DraftKings Sportsbook customers can also
bet on NBA hoops with the same game
parlays. Your boy's a betting man
here. I like parlays. You feel me, Nick?
Combine multiple bets from the same game
for a bigger payout. The more legs you
add, the more money you can win.
Plus, for each day of the play-in, get a risk-free bet up to $10
if your same game parlay doesn't hit.
Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app right now.
Use promo code CATS, K-A-T-S.
Bet $5 on any NBA team to win their game during the play-in tournament
and get $150 ruse and free bets instantly.
That's promo code CATS at DraftKings Sportsbook.
An official sportsman and partner of the NBA.
Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply.
See show notes for details.
See next page for directions for disclaimers.
What city is he in?
He didn't say.
Wisconsin?
I actually, I don't know if it's my fault,
but I don't know what he was saying.
The name as many Easter things as you can. Oh, Kiva! They don't know the name game. They haven't played the name game. Oh, no, yeah, I haven't know if it's my fault, but I don't know what he was saying. The name as many Easter things as you can.
Oh.
They don't know the name game.
They don't know the name game.
They haven't played the name game.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I haven't played it.
And that's a good thing.
Easter related items.
You just go around the room and you say something Easter related.
Sometimes it gets a little dicey.
So Chin will say whether or not.
Sometimes me and Theo repeat the same thing twice.
I do not.
But Chin, you guys celebrate easter though we don't celebrate
the religious side of it we do the egg hunt and all that stuff oh wow yeah whoa how weird
you're just looking for fucking so you don't at least we're doing it for jesus don't care
about the lord we've never celebrated my family done either i'm with chin on we do that thing
where they would like i remember in somebody's place in our neighborhood they would do a thing
where they would dig up a jesus like the like a zombie j where they would, like, I remember in somebody's place in our neighborhood, they would do a thing where they would dig up a Jesus.
Oh, like a zombie Jesus?
Everybody would get, like, a shovel, and you would dig up a Jesus to, like, start.
That was the FBI.
They found bodies.
No, it was a small, it was a, I guess it was a small get-together.
Guys, we're looking for Jesus.
Because Jesus returns on Easter.
Zombie Jesus. No, he doesn't.
You know what I mean?
But he does.
Oh, you want to go to hell?
But no, he doesn't because...
Shall I finish?
I mean, it's up to you and Satan what you want to do, dog.
Let us know how hot it is down there.
Bro, we don't need it.
This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.
A little light of mine, I'm going to smack my bitch up.
Of course, you would go to White Christmas, of course.
Just like the one I used.
Same note.
Every note's the same.
There it is.
And you notice how that one wasn't Asian.
White Christmas, he went deep into that one.
It was Asian.
It was super Asian.
How do we want to kick it off, Nick?
You want to spin the wheel?
Nick's drunk, obviously.
Did anybody else catch that?
Nick hasn't been drinking.
Wow.
Nick's on his own.
Rain energy drink.
You would know.
This is my second rain.
I'm a rain man.
What is that for?
I don't know.
E.
Eric starts.
Oh.
Name game.
Easter.
Eggs.
Okay, I'll put that down Good
Me?
Theo really hates the wheel
Does it have to be E?
I just
I don't like the energy
Oh that's just you
Yeah it blocks our energy
The fuck
Why'd you pick an E?
God damn it
What is this fucking game?
Do I go?
Yeah dude
Wait you don't play games
On congratulations?
Fuck
We say things that happen
To the Easter right?
Yeah yeah
Okay
We'll say if it counts
Bunny Yes Okay Super easy so far Yeah That might be the stripper fuck Donovan Gibbs period yeah yeah okay we'll say if it counts bunny
yes
okay
super easy so far
yeah
that might be the stripper
cabaret
sure
cool but say all the syllables
but okay
yeah
cabaret
savior
yes
originally talked about
but
but you know dude
you know
Hades for you
resurrection
the matrix so my turn yeah okay oh it's getting hard
look at these laughing because he doesn't know what to do
immediately
he said rabbit egg rabbit
okay um baskets yes He said rabbit. Egg, rabbit. Saber egg. Okay.
Baskets.
Yes.
Peeps.
Your Mexican auntie.
We were talking about peeps earlier.
Yeah.
It counts.
It counts.
They only serve them at Easter.
Yeah, I would agree.
I don't want to give it to you, but I have to agree.
Okay.
Now it's getting dicey.
Ham. Easter ham. Google Easter ham. No, I'll say agree. Now it's getting dicey. Ham.
Easter ham? Google Easter ham. I will say this. Do you remember having dinner?
Yes or no? I will say yes.
Dinner.
Ham? There's Christmas ham?
Dude, he's Chinese. You don't think he knows?
I'm not Chinese. I'm Korean.
He doesn't know the religious part about it.
I know, but I guarantee ham is part of Easter.
Yeah, ham is part of it. I would say ham.
Yeah, I would say ham. Dude, that's like saying water. You'll believe in ham. It of Easter. Yeah, ham is part of it. I would say ham, yeah. I would say ham.
Oh, you believe in water.
You believe in ham.
It's a religious holiday, just like Christmas.
I believe, I fucking believe in ham.
I don't even like ham.
You need shoestrings on your soul, boy.
See, look at that, ham.
Boom, boom, boom.
I'll tell you what, if you don't get this, I lost.
Okay, what am I going to do?
Think of another one?
I can't.
Hiding stuff? That's true. But does it need to be one word it needs to be something yeah that's insane i can't say i mean
he's stuffing for eggs stuff can be eggs stuff can be eggs yeah dude we don't attack him man
hiding things he already said eggs that's what you hide no that's why he said hiding stuff instead of hiding eggs. This is bullshit. Okay eating stuff
I'm gonna be a little okay. I'm not gonna be a little I'll be more stringent now after this one
That's a more thing about Easter than any of the shit you guys say.
And eating is a big part of Easter.
Eating stuff is a big part of Easter.
It's almost like a fan of ham.
I buy ham, honestly.
Plastic eggs.
See, I think that's good, but that's also eggs.
Eggs.
No, that's a certain.
No, no, no.
Hold on.
That's a certain type of egg.
Yeah, he said Cadbury eggs and now plastic eggs.
Leather eggs.
We're good.
Hard-boiled eggs.
Then just say hard-boiled eggs.
No, that's not Easter.
Yes, it is. Plastic eggs is specifically. You hard-boiled eggs. No, that's not Easter. Yes, it is.
Classic eggs is specific.
You hard-boiled the eggs.
Guys, it's my turn.
It's Theo's turn now.
You're right.
Thank you.
You guys are not well.
He's buying time.
You guys don't have any passion in your heart.
And we're one degree away.
I like this.
I agree.
I have no passion in my heart.
Unreal.
I'll handle this.
Pastel colors. Yes yes because you paint eggs
that's a good one dude
that's a good one
I got one that way
God bless everyone too I want to say that
no no no
use that for your next round
Lent
no
sorry Eric isn't this the start Lent? No. Sorry, Eric.
What?
Lent?
Isn't this the start?
That was like when Denzel Washington did one for training day and didn't win for the other thing.
You should have failed on the fucking other hiding stuff.
Yes.
I like the hiding stuff.
The Lent was a little too much.
I would give Lent before hiding stuff.
Could you explain Lent?
Isn't it like the whole, like you give up stuff?
Doesn't that start right now?
That's not in the Easter. No, that's not Easter yet.
You give up something so you're prepared for
Christ's return.
That's a stretch though.
Hiding stuff, I'm with you.
Isn't that about, didn't Lent just
end? I'm not the judge,
but yeah. Maybe type in
Lent if it mentions Easter. We can't trust this atheist Asian over here.
You know what I mean?
I'm telling you,
the further you get out there,
they don't know what's going on.
This year,
lunch takes place on Wednesday,
March 2nd.
March 2nd?
How far that is?
To Thursday, April 14th.
Easter takes place on April 16th.
So that you just,
boom!
But this is leading up to,
bro,
so is fucking New Year's Day.
It's two days away. God, I can't believe this. This is a leading up to. Bro, so is fucking New Year's Day. It's two days away.
God, I can't believe this.
Rent is a part of Easter.
You self-owned.
No, it's not.
You owned yourself.
Lent is a part of Easter.
It just said right there it's not part of Easter.
It's fucking two days, it ends, and then it's.
Sorry, Eric.
I love you, Eric, but you know.
Eric lost.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Hell yeah.
Fuck yeah, I knew I was going to win.
You lost, dude.
Just like people
who don't believe in Christ
yep
both of you
he's still in it
he was gonna lose next
oh we go
until there's a winner
no that's it
oh yeah
no the three of us won
yeah the three of us won
you lost
it's the only game
where there's one loser
and that's the real winner
because you're the loser
so you're the loser
the biggest loser dude
okay okay
let's get to this.
What's up, girl?
What's up, girl?
Is this the nurse?
What's up, Theo, Brendan, and Chris?
My name's Jade, and I'm currently in
Los Angeles, California, and I have
a quick little debate club for you.
Do you think acting
is easy or hard?
I currently am an actor here in Los Angeles,
and I get a good amount
of auditions,
but I currently book
none of them,
which is super fun for me
in my bank account.
But I do get auditions
where I'm literally
saying one line.
Like, I'm like,
yeah, yeah, no problem.
The restroom's right there
on the left.
Or I get auditions
where I'm memorizing
17 pages worth
of Shakespearean dialogue.
And I know we can't all be
on the acting level,
the King speech acting level like Chris is,
but you know,
one day,
one day I'll get there.
So I just hope you guys are well,
is acting hard.
Is it easy?
Love you guys as podcast gang,
gang,
buzz,
buzz,
sore.
I got it.
Good luck.
Let me tell you why you got that role as the it's over here.
I don't think it has anything to do with acting skills. Here's the deal.
You don't, Hollywood
should not have people audition for
one line. It's fucking ludicrous.
It's shitty. It's a waste of time.
People are battling three hours of traffic
to drive down to fucking Santa Monica
and go up to the 19th floor
and just say what the fuck she's saying.
Hire someone off a picture. Furthermore,
commercials. Fucking just hire someone a picture. Furthermore, commercials.
Fucking just hire someone off of the picture, dude.
It's so fucking annoying and it's shitty and it's a power move.
And they're doing it because they're the big motherfuckers
and you will drive there.
Of course, you're not going to band together and not go
because you got to fucking eat
and you want to become that actress or actor.
But acting at a certain level is hard.
It's hard to book a role and it's hard to play like Brian Cranston in
breaking bad.
That role is fucking a difficult role to play,
but for the most part,
and I mean,
99% of stuff,
it's fucking easy as shit.
I take full offense.
Stop acting like it's hard. You take full offense about this.
And stop acting like it's hard.
You aren't a brain surgeon.
You're only saying easy shit.
Dude, that's it.
That's it.
It's so simple.
It's so simple.
Unless you're doing King's Speech.
Or some shit like that and really selling it.
Or you're doing the fucking fighter
like Christian Bale
and you're losing
a bunch of weight
and you're acting
all fucking strung out
it's easy as fuck
dude don't give me shit
like Captain America
playing Captain America
is easy
it's easy bro
long days
bro be a fucking
be a bricklayer
now that's good
Chris isn't upset
at all about Hollywood.
No, it's just annoying.
It's not Hollywood, it's the actors, dude.
Don't keep yelling at us.
We're not casting directors.
Fuck you, dude.
What role did you not get that you're upset about?
You can't even act like you believe in God
like the rest of us.
I'll do it right now. Ready?
Do it.
Wow. Unreal. They did an. I'll do it right now. Ready? Do it. Go! Wow.
Dude, unreal.
They did an x-ray of him, bro.
It was just a dog
getting hit by a van, dude.
Yeah.
There's nothing in him.
No.
I will answer this.
It's so easy.
It's so easy to act.
Yes, it's acted a lot.
Look, I completely disagree.
I think that there are things
that are like whatever,
but I think some of the things have to do with like the person's charisma,
the person's like a lot of things.
That's not acting.
That's a funny show.
That's not acting.
That's part of acting.
Not really.
Yes, it is.
If you're playing yourself, it has to be pretty fucking easy.
You play yourself a lot.
You play yourself a lot.
That's not true.
If you're Daniel Day-Lewis.
No, I do crazy shit like that.
No, you don't.
You've never seen me walk around in my house.
I could kill it.
Dude, if they put me playing somebody with like they never would but like and I'm just not even trying to push the
Limits, but if I wanted if they wanted me to play somebody with down syndrome
Do I get nominated? Oh, they're not do it. They're not going to do that. Do peanut butter fast into do it
Look guys
We know he's going to hell. What is he saying?
What is it?
Tropic thunder?
You can't go full retard.
No, I know.
I'm not.
I'm not.
He's going to hell.
Look, guys.
Where's all that chicken I had?
He's fired.
No, hold on.
That's Brendan.
No.
He's fired.
Okay, first of all.
Sean Penn played that fucking role and he killed it.
He played a guy with Down syndrome.
And I'm just saying, with me, if I were to do it, where's all that chicken I had?
Where's all that chicken I had?
Where's all that chicken I had, Mom?
That's your friend Mark Hayes.
That's some guy that works at a
Popeye's.
That's all that is.
He doesn't realize he's on shift.
Where's all that chicken?
That's some guy who works at a Popeye's
but got some hot sauce in his eyes. That's all that chicken? That's some guy who works at a Popeyes but got some hot sauce in his eyes.
That's all that is.
What are you going to say?
Let me talk, man.
So y'all don't shut the fuck up.
Why don't y'all act like people that shut the fuck up sometimes?
Look, Chin made that poster.
Look at the writing on Chin's poster.
Won't you do that role, huh?
What I'm saying is this.
Chin's made that poster. Look at the upper left corner. Won't you do that role, huh? What I'm saying is this. Chin's made that poster.
Look at the upper left corner.
Is that Kevin Bacon?
All right, go ahead.
I would like to say
that this lady seems like a nice lady.
And acting,
I think it's hard and easy at the same time.
It's kind of like,
it's like being a snail kind of, you know?
Go on.
I don't know yet, but yeah.
It looks real hard, but it's easy.
I think it's a good analogy.
And I think this lady seemed like a nice lady, and yes, I would be willing to go out with you sometime.
Oh, and there it is.
And there it is, folks.
I'm taking my chances, you goons.
He's single.
Yeah.
Theo is single, man.
You creeps already married somebody.
Yeah, I'm called creeps though, you know?
Huh?
Because you're the creepiest one and another year you guys will be probably offering the same thing.
So let me have my fun while I can, dude.
I'm a decent man.
She can obviously do a one or two line.
Just hire her.
You know what I mean?
That's the point. She can obviously handle a one or two line just hire her you know what I mean like that's the
point it's like she can obviously handle that the whole thing Hollywood is just it's a it's a
trap it's trash and they're gonna make you drive all over there they don't care some man sleeps in
his bed just you know probably following people on GPS that are driving for auditions ejaculate
it's all zoom now and it's all gross is it zoom and I do a lot of Zoom. I think just make your own little sitcom at home, and then you'll be a star in like a year.
Yeah, on YouTube.
Yeah, if she did that, she would get fucking followers.
Different game, yeah.
I drove around so many fucking hours and hours, and then I finally made it.
That's Tom Segura, dude.
Hold on.
And Tom Segura and Brendan had a baby, right?
Yeah, and it had a little more Brendan in it than Tom.
That's Boston
20 years. And a little bit of this character that Chris is
doing, you know what I mean? Where's all that chicken
I put, Mom? That's this guy.
I don't think Chris has ever met
anybody with Down syndrome. Mom, where did you put
all the chicken I was storing?
No, bro, this guy seemed like a great guy.
It's Mike from Chicago. I got
a debate club for y'all. Of course it is. You could switch
lives with anybody in the cast.
Chris, Theo, Brendan,
Eric. If you could switch
lives, who would you switch with and
why? Like cars, clothes,
fashion, career. Who would you switch
with and why?
And also, just to test these friendships in these seats,
if you could improve somebody's life by switching with them,
who would it be?
Oh, well, that's heavy.
Get more bags, get more belts, get more whips.
Who would it be?
This is heavy.
It is heavy.
Shout out to them boys, Nick and Shannon and the Behind the Glass boys,
doing all this work, man.
We love y'all and the whole crew.
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.
I like this guy.
I would make Theo and Chris nicer if I switched with them.
I'm nice as shit.
He can't be nice.
At least I got a chance.
Is Chris's dead inside?
What's all this shit about me being dead inside, bro?
Who said you are? Open the fuck up. No, I'm open, bro. I cry almost dead inside. Wow. What's all this shit about me being dead inside, bro? You said you are.
Open the fuck up.
No, I'm open, bro.
I cry almost every day, dude.
Every day.
Every day.
Every day.
Every day.
Just Chris therapist?
I love my life, dude.
I love it.
I wouldn't switch with any of y'all motherfuckers.
I love, you know what?
I like your lives too.
You guys have great lives.
You really do.
But that sounds like he's reading that off of a script.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? Yeah. You just went Hollywood for that sounds like he's reading that off of a script. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what?
Yeah.
You just went Hollywood for a second.
Here's the real answer.
That was the best acting
you've ever done.
I'm doing great.
I'll probably switch with Chris
because we have the same style
so nothing will change.
We can keep the same clothes.
His Ferrari's,
the dope house,
nothing would change, man.
Yeah, that's true.
It would change a lot for you.
Yeah, but then
nothing would change, man.
Oh, that's so deep, dude. Nothing would be really new or not a novel. That's deep. You know? That's true. It would change a lot for you. Yeah, but then nothing would change, man. Oh, that's so deep, dude.
Nothing would be really new or novel.
That's deep.
That's deep.
That's deep over here, dude.
I'd have a different girl, though.
When you get over here, it gets deeper, dude.
You guys are over there in the kiddie pool.
It's shallow over here, huh?
You guys are over there in the kiddie pool with your dad, all right?
And I'm over here in the fucking deep.
Okay, so here's the thing.
At least they know their dad and remember him.
How about that? At least they know their dad and remember him. You know what I mean?
How about that?
At least our dad remembers us, too.
Thanks for coming to my rescue.
Dude, I would say, whose life would I switch with?
This is a tough one, man.
For the guy's reasons, too, though.
Oh, for the willingness to improve their life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I would probably switch.
Ooh.
I'd probably switch with each one of you guys to have the opportunity to try and improve
y'all's life.
Dude, you're too religious.
You think our life's better?
You're too religious.
No, I'm not.
What would you add to each person's life?
Well, Brendan, if I went to Brendan's life, I would probably take it easier, relax a little
bit more, maybe sit outside sometimes. I like that sometimes um maybe relax i already hate what you
do with my body let's go over here chris he's gonna say i would try more stuff yeah i would
probably i don't want to go somewhere i would jump rope outside listen to music maybe i don't want to
do it don't be doing that with my ears i would take chris's body and do a bunch of drugs i would
jump rope i would hug somebody yeah i hug do a bunch of drugs. I would jump rope. I would hug somebody.
Yeah.
I hug people, dude.
Nobody believes that.
But you would accept.
Even your arms, bro.
When he said that, his arms went like this.
Like, they didn't believe it.
Yeah, they were like, not today.
We can't do that.
Dude, I hug people.
I like hug people.
Yes, I do.
But people don't believe that, dude.
I would.
A hug would feel weird.
I hug you, bro.
And what else would I do if I were him?
Can you tag me in real quick?
Because I'd go into your body.
You want to know what I'd do?
Let him finish.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
If I was Eric, I would probably relax a little more.
He wants everybody to relax.
Be outside.
Maybe walk.
Go for a walk.
This is coming from the guy who doesn't.
Well, you do go places to relax. Be outside, maybe walk, go for a walk. This is coming from the guy who doesn't, well,
you do go places
to relax,
but you,
yeah.
No,
his brain doesn't relax,
but Dio will relax.
Right,
right,
right,
his body will.
He doesn't work
like a million shows.
I'll be sitting there
doing nothing,
dude,
but my brain
is doing a lot.
He's exhausted.
Yeah.
Wow.
So,
and also,
Eric,
if I were you,
I'd probably try
some different,
more novel food,
maybe a Korean
dish,
whatever,
yeah, fucking some type of rare,
whatever you guys eat and what else?
Do more black shit too.
I would do more black shit.
I would darken out a little.
You think so?
Yeah. I would, if I were you,
if I got into your body and I had that halfway,
that in and out.
Yeah. I'm using the N word all the time.
Oh, dog.
Oh, that's, yeah, he's-
All the time. Bro, driving down the street, just yelling and out. Yeah, I'm using the N word all the time. Oh, dog. Oh, that's what he said. Who'd be driving down the street just yelling at the car?
Well, you do that anyway.
I'd yell at the movie theater.
Yeah.
But now he feels like he would have like a...
Yeah, now.
Finally, it's okay.
It'd be my act nonstop.
Now I can pull up and be like, what are you doing?
Hong Kong.
That'd be his movie.
All right, Eric.
It'd be his movie, like, you know, like, you know,
you're like Freaky Friday for him, and he would want to be like.
I don't think I would get out a little bit more, basically,
if I were all three of y'all.
And relax.
Relax is a really stuck-in-point.
Thank you.
I would jump in Theo's body real quick and realize what a badass I am.
I don't want to get serious here, but I'd jump in Theo's body
and realize what a fucking badass I am and quit beating myself up
and launch the biggest
tour of my life and know I'm going to sell that bitch out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I jumped into,
you'll be like,
Oh,
I can do,
I can do more than just the one podcast and I could do two podcasts and be
there all the time.
And it's not going to kill me.
That's what I would do.
If I was you,
I'd be like,
you know what?
This is okay.
I got people that support me.
I got a great staff,
you know,
people love me you
know what i mean and i'd be like accept that and be like let's let's do it you know what i mean
that's thanks that's what i would do i would be like because you know what i mean you're great
dude man and i don't think you need to believe the shit yeah thank you bro thank you guys i would
uh be eric and just do more stuff for chris delia you'd wear his merch all the time
yeah is that bad i would just no that makes sense i would be theo and i would be theo and on my
podcast i would this past weekend i talked non-stop congratulations oops you know what
the second the second part about if I was jumping into your body?
Yeah.
Because I'd be like, fuck, I can't even take advantage of fucking a lot of chicks.
No, no, yeah.
So it would be terrible.
I'd be like, when I'm Chris D'Elia and I got to be home with my wife and kid.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm Chris D'Elia after he settled down?
Like, what?
I don't know if it should be what? That would be so frustrating.
Either way, it's a slippery slope.
I got tattoos now.
I got a Ferrari.
And I got to, in my Ferrari, I got to be like,
and my little kid is like,
Wouldn't trade it for anything, dude.
Okay, I would be, if I was you.
All right, and I will, I got a show at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.
We added a second show over there, and that's May 7, and that is Saturday.
And then also Albuquerque, New Mexico.
You did it, Daddy.
Midland, Texas.
Yeah, thanks, man.
Nice.
Lubbock, Texas, and Dallas, Texas.
That is May 18th through the 21st. And then Savannah, Georgia, Augusta, Texas, and Dallas, Texas. That is May 18th through the 21st.
And then Savannah, Georgia, Augusta, Montgomery, and Columbus.
And that's June 2nd through June 5th.
Got to watch Johnny Mercer Theater.
All right, guys, let's take a little short break here before we get back to the program,
chatting with these crazies.
Let's talk about a little skin care.
Can we talk about a little skin care right now?
If your skin care routine is basically you washing your face in the shower with that one shower gel that you've been using since high school, maybe using the 3-in-1.
All right, it's time to level up, man.
You got to take care of your skin because it turns out that regular body wash you have been using, that 3-in-1 you thought was good enough is probably damaging your skin.
That's right, man.
But thanks to Lumen, you can drop that bottle of 3- three in one and start using products that actually take care of your skin,
man. With Lumen, I get the highest quality products. All the products aim to help with
those stubborn acne scars, under eye, dark circles. I look like a raccoon right now. Whatever. I
haven't slept lately. Wrinkles, sun damage, dry skin, oily skin, and more. Lumen's got you covered,
man. It's easy. All you have to do is take a two-minute quiz on their website.
They'll tell you exactly which routine is best for you based on your skincare needs.
All right?
Guys, I swear skincare shouldn't be that complicated.
The thing we dread doing, and thanks to Lumen, it's so simple.
It takes me less than 90 seconds out of my day.
All right?
I put it all over my face, man.
That's why I look so young.
Youngest in here.
That's for sure. Level up your skincare game with Lumen Skin today. Go to lumenskin.com. That's
L-U-M-I-N skin.com slash cats to get your free trial of Lumen's products. That's lumenskin.com
slash cats. Get your free trial of Lumen's products. Lumenskin.com slash cats. Before we
get back to the program, i need to tell you about
america's number one meal kit we're talking about hello fresh hello fresh you're getting farm fresh
seasonal produce easy to make recipes delivered right to your door every single week ingredients
travel from the farm to your freaking doorstep from farm to door, man. That's how they do it at fricking HelloFresh. All right.
You need quick, easy recipes. You don't have time to sit down and do all this fancy stuff.
It takes hours. You got kids, got errands run. You got a job. You're tired. Well, we got you,
man. HelloFresh has 50 different weekly options. You can skip weeks when you need to change your
delivery date, change your meal plan, whatever you want.
HelloFresh app has it all for you.
All right?
Go to HelloFresh.com slash King16.
Use the code King16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts.
All right?
It's HelloFresh.com slash King16.
Use code King16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts.
America's number one meal kit. Hello
Fresh. Now let's get back to the show.
Bo, you guys, let me just tell you right now
you're all just... Oh God, he goes into this other
thing where it's like a... No, this was gonna be great.
It was... I was just gonna say...
No, it's not, bro.
You see that? He's the chocolate
egg. You're the hollow chocolate egg.
It's not. I was just gonna fucking say... Put that bunny over. It's not hollow in there. I was just going to fucking say.
Put that bunny over by him.
It's his son.
I was just going to say, you guys are all great guys.
I wouldn't fucking be in this room as many times with you guys if I didn't love the shit out of you, dude.
I don't hear that.
Well, you're all great guys.
You really are.
Okay, he made it shorter now.
No, no, no, no.
I need you to fuck off.
Your tone, though, is like a basketball coach who's down by 40 in the championship.
I need you to like, can you say it like softer?
Can you like, can we get so aggressive?
I know, I know.
Brendan, you know how much I fucking love you, dude?
You're right.
I wouldn't be in this fucking room if I didn't love you.
I love you.
You know what would be great?
Is if during all of that, there was only a shot of me zooming into my face.
Just soften up.
Just seeing my little...
I know.
A single tear is trying to force itself out.
Soften it up.
All right.
Take two.
There you go. I don't want to joke. Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. again. So Kristen. Soften it up. All right. Take two. There you go.
I don't want to joke.
Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
I got you.
We're here for you.
All right.
All right?
Yes.
Want to hold my hand?
Come here, hold my hand.
Yeah.
There you go.
Hell yeah.
He's never held a black guy's hand either.
Especially not that hand.
I haven't.
You're right.
Doesn't this feel good?
Yes.
Let it happen.
I've done it.
There you go.
All right.
Let it happen.
I've done it.
There you go. All right.
If you guys weren't in my life, my life would be much worse,
and I don't know if I would be alive, and that's the truth.
There it is.
You guys were there for me during my darkest shit,
and I love you all.
I love the three of you, man.
I love you.
There it is.
What a bitch, huh?
You have to do it, huh?
Yeah.
For him.
I got to help him.
What's this Cheddar Bob kid want?
Brendan's teared up going to Brendan, man.
It's okay.
What I'm saying is we can't be scared of that.
We can't be scared of being touching.
We can't be scared of being vulnerable. We can't be scared of being vulnerable.
It's important.
We don't all have, like, I don't have a big family.
You know what I mean?
I just got my mom who has fucking dementia.
I don't have a big family.
I love y'all.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Yeah, I love you guys, man.
Fucking goddamn.
I can't believe we did this fucking bullshit three times.
I'm already crying.
Fucking barely on the show.
That guy's question.
I've been crying all morning.
This is the one time I'm not crying, dude.
Yo, what up, Brennan, Theo, Chris.
It is Andy from Ontario, Canada coming at you, and I got a good one for you today.
I know winter's gone.
We're all trying to lose a few pounds.
Trying to get on that Johnny Hips Cry action.
Yeah, man, I love it.
Is that a slug?
Well, the best way to do it is by running, right? Or so they say.
So what are you doing?
Are you hitting that indoor treadmill action?
Or are you lacing up and running straight outdoors?
Let me know.
Outdoors, dude.
I'm actually rowing.
I'm rowing every day.
Yeah, you're good with that.
Yeah, get outdoors, man.
I got a rowing machine and I'm like, ah.
There ain't nothing that motivates you like outdoors.
I think that's great.
Yeah, outdoors is good, man, because you get to feel the sun.
And it's not even necessarily about getting the color.
It's about- What is it about? Feeling what? just feeling with the earth you know what i mean it's like my knees that's good bro you're not pushing me that much man just
say god man that's really part of the right it is sort of the right would it be crazy that god
loves you though no that would be awesome bro it would be awesome and by the way how about you
remember that yeah yeah god oh god both of you awesome. And by the way- How about you remember that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
God.
Oh, God.
Both of you guys are so- You know what I'm saying?
You remember that, motherfucker.
Yeah, you're right.
Out of anybody in here.
Yeah.
I just think that-
The conversations we have, man.
Yeah, man.
I think-
The most talented guy in the room.
I joke around about how there's-
But Theo, you also-
We all know it.
I joke around about no God and shit, but I don't know, dude.
I like, I know people say like.
No, we know you don't know.
No, no, you don't know, but you don't know, but you don't know.
I'm envious of people that actually double down on it and believe it.
But either way though, it's like when somebody says, no way, there's no God.
It's like, how the fuck do you know, dude?
You have no idea.
Here's a philosophy thing, okay?
Let's say you don't believe in God, right?
But you live with the principles
that there is a God and you believe
for the reason is, if there
isn't, you're making the bet that
you don't want to be a person that lives terrible
because you think, oh, there's no God, and then there is.
Because you get to the pearly gates.
Oops!
You get to the pearly gates.
What are they going to do to you at the pearly gates? You're going pearly gates you're gonna come walking up like oh there's a god and he's gonna look at the clipboard and be like hey like it's the vip club
sorry chris gang gang baby should have got that hitter yeah that's it so it's like dancing this
isn't about like God or not.
This is about how you live.
It's about what kind of person you want to be.
And that's the principles of that.
So it's like fighting over like if there's something in the sky, that's not the point of it.
I mean, there is going to be, there is some sort of science in like that we're connected.
Like right now we're far apart from each other like this.
But there's a science of that like like, the atoms are connecting us.
That's why sometimes you think, like, hey, I was thinking about you when you called.
It's because we're probably telepathically connected to each other.
But also to that point, Eric, also during the lockdown, during COVID, when we couldn't be around people, that's why suicide went through the roof.
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
Like, you need to be around people.
It's just, it's in our DNA.
Yeah, man.
So I'll just say that's what some people would consider that spirituality.
That's what the thing is.
And so human beings sometimes we're just like, we can't think beyond stuff.
So we need symbols.
Those symbols mean something.
That's why religion's there.
Yeah, exactly.
That thing you named is Pascal's wager.
Pascal's wager.
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
This episode's called going deep.
I just think that doing's what I'm hearing
doing sprints outside
is the shit
when it comes to working out
but I like walking
no but I'm saying
I like going
I walk
but what I'm saying
is to get my like
cardio in
I like this rowing machine
because it's good for my legs
I'm 50
okay I can't just
I can't be out here like
like I'm doing like
you know what I mean
no but when you're outside
you're not even thinking about
how hard the run is and stuff yeah it's way better I'm avoiding rattlesnakes I used to be out here like I'm doing like, you know what I mean? No, but when you're outside, you're not even thinking about how hard the run is and stuff.
Yeah, it's way better.
I'm avoiding rattlesnakes.
I used to be on my Peloton all the time, Peloton all the time.
I was like, man, maybe I should just get a regular bike.
I haven't had a bike since I was a kid, and I got a regular bike.
I'm like, this is way more of it.
It's dope.
I'm going to say one or the other.
It don't got to be one or the other.
No, no, no.
You're right.
And the question is, the guy's asking, what do you do?
To get in shape? What do you do? We know what you're all, you're working out all the other. No, no, no. You're right. And the question is, the guy's asking, what do you do? So I roll. To get in shape?
What do you do?
We know what you're all, you're working out all the time.
I'm on Jet Hanks program.
I've been on it for a fucking month now and I'm just feeling really great.
You're jacked.
Yeah.
No, I think burpees are really good.
I do, I think jumping is good.
You know, depending on how big you are.
Jumping in general?
Jumping is good.
This sounds like a guy that's never worked out.
No, no, no.
Jumping is fucking great.
Jumping jacks.
Laugh all you want, dude.
But I mean, bro, you ever jump on a box over and over again?
It's hard as fuck.
It also keeps you active.
Oh, what do you know, bro?
Except the fact that you just fucked up, guys.
How do I fuck up? Why did you do that?
I fucked up doing what?
You said jumping, bro.
Jumping a lot of boxes, bro.
Jumping is in burpees, dude.
Do you live in that room?
He has a kid now.
His brain is like simplifying shit.
Are you six years old?
Are you in, what's that place called?
Jimbury?
Oh, no, it's like Tibet.
You're jumping?
Bro, do you ever jump around?
Jump around?
It's the hardest shit.
Jump around.
I do fucking chin-ups, jumping around, and push-ups.
That's not a workout. Will you jump up-ups, jumping around, and push-ups. Shut up.
That's not a workout.
Will you shut up?
Oh, yes, it is.
Try it.
Bro, you ask me a question and then tell me to shut up.
Dude, try jumping around.
What?
It's not.
Because you're not saying anything.
I am, too.
I jump around and I do chin-ups.
And we finally caught you.
Chris wakes up and goes, got 100 jumps.
Yeah.
Try to do 100 jumps.
Hey, guys.
Yeah.
Love to hang out, but I got to go jump.
You're out of your mind, boy.
Okay, what do you do?
Videotape he's going to put out.
What do you do?
Jumping with Chris.
I do indoor, outdoor weights.
You do jiu-jitsu?
Do jiu-jitsu.
I do yoga.
For like a month, bro.
No, he's been doing jiu-jitsu.
I do yoga, dude.
I've been doing a lot of stretching too now.
I like that shit.
I do like that.
I look like the pigeon.
Fuck stretching. You got to shit. I look like the pigeon
Yes, never
When they wake up they do that
Lion stretching before they hunt
Most animals don't stretch before they hunt but yeah, they stretch, you know? Before they hunt? Those animals? They stretch. You ever caught an animal like a fucking ostrich out there?
Yeah, yeah.
They're out there.
Lions out there like.
This is an Eric joke.
Boom, boom, boom.
Boom, bitch.
Get your, get your, ooh.
Get your fucking stretching.
Look at that.
Look at that thot.
Thank you.
Look at that thot.
Eric would eat that ass.
Ooh, ass out.
Eric back there just like.
Hand their ass out.
Bro, where's Russell Stover with.
Oh, I would tear that lion up.
Where's Russell Stover with that chocolate lion, baby?
That's what I'm looking for. Lion stretch, man. They have to. ass up. Bro, where's Russell Stover with that chocolate
lion, baby?
That's what I'm
lying about.
Lions stretch, man.
They have to.
They run fast.
Yeah.
But yeah, man,
I believe that...
Chin-ups and
jumps, dude.
You do that,
your whole body
changes.
Do it.
That's not a real
thing.
Can you specify
the jump?
No.
Jumping on a
box?
There you go. Box jumps. Box jumps. Yeah, I know, but I was fucking saying it because I know he doesn't know what a Can you like specify the jump? No. Jumping on a burpee? Jumping on a box.
Box jumps.
Box jumps.
Yeah, I know, but I was fucking saying it because I know he doesn't know what a fucking box jump is.
How dare you?
Don't die.
How dare you?
Jump on.
I was 170 pounds in high school.
I used to be able to dunk, son.
Jump, dunk.
Yeah.
Backwards.
This dude has rolled into a box of shit.
I used to be an athlete.
Jump up, boom.
Stand up, back down, boom. Burpee. Bro. What? Say be an athlete. Jump up, boom, stand up,
back down, boom, burpee.
Bro.
What?
Say what you want.
You're going to prison.
But it's legit.
But that's that prison.
Yeah, but that's,
you ever seen prisoners?
They're fucking jacked.
Not all of them.
Well, no, the guys
that don't work out.
Because they're defending
their own butt, dude.
There you go.
Stretching.
Look at the guy behind you.
Honestly, I did jumps
right after that.
On what?
Looking,
looking.
This guy looks like he jumped
in front of a van,
dude.
It looks like he jumped
in some dick.
That guy is,
where you at there?
That was me
after my jumps.
Me after my jumping.
Well,
you do have a big head.
You look like Christian.
Look at the feet.
Those are the life rip socks.
Go get those at chrislea.com.
What is happening?
What else you got, Nick?
I look kind of cool like that, honestly.
Make sure you check out Riffin' with Griffin.
Woo, woo, woo.
But I think being indoor and outdoor at the same time is good also.
Like a snail.
What are you talking about?
Like a freaking, what, a convertible?
Like a snail.
Are you working out in a convertible? What are you talking about? Indoors and outdoors What, a convertible? Were you working out in a convertible?
What are you talking about? Indoors and outdoors at the same
time. Lift weights indoors, run
outside. You are a crazy person
sometimes, man. What? Yeah.
What are you talking about? Indoors,
outdoors. What, you got a sunroof
in your house? What are you fucking talking about?
Go ahead and deflect. You still got problems.
This jump guy.
Jump rope for hard over here. With the guy when people drive by, he's jumping up and deflect. You still got problems. Your friend's this jump guy. Okay? Jump rope for hard over here.
With the guy who when people drive by, he's jumping up and down.
Yeah, I stand by it.
See, it feels the guy in the boy band that just like deflects and talks shit about everybody else.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
You know what I mean?
Hey, man, get your bass up, man.
What's wrong with your treble?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's over here singing like an Asian.
Yeah.
Come on, man.
What's this guy want, Nick?
What's good?
It's your boy Blake Tunchi out here in the Central East,
and I got a question for you.
Gang, gang, baby.
On Reality Bites Back, besides Theo and Bert,
who do y'all think was the funniest?
Me personally, I got to go with my boy Donnell.
But we got to know what y'all think.
Let us know.
Gang, gang.
Gang, gang.
Actually, this guy is obviously a chef, I bet.
It's his job.
He looks like a chef to me, that man.
Is he saying road?
What is he saying?
Like a chef man.
Reality Bites?
What is that?
Reality Bites back.
It was Bert's show.
What is it?
Out at the cabin and all that shit?
No, this was a show.
Different show.
On Comedy Central.
Oh.
Let's see.
Chris Fairbanks, Rick Graham.
Tiffany Haddish. Hold on. Tiffany Haddish, Fairbanks, Rick Graham, Tiffany Haddish.
Hold on.
Tiffany Haddish,
Burt Kreischer,
Mo Mandel's a monster,
Donnell Rawlings,
Amy Schumer,
Theo Vaughn.
Woo!
What?
He said besides Theo.
Kyle Cease?
About what?
How old was this?
Like who's the best on there?
Oh, the funniest he said?
Yeah.
Oh.
So take Theo out of it.
I mean,
nobody kills harder than Donnell.
Donnell rocks.
Mo Mandel's a beast too though.
Donnell killed.
Oh, this is old school.
Wow, look at that.
If you're talking about murder though, Donnell, no doubt.
Agree, 100%.
Chris Fairbanks is so funny too.
Everybody on here is really funny.
I haven't seen Jeff Garcia in a long time.
Me neither.
Does he play anywhere but Ontario?
You have a strong chin right there, Dio.
He's always had that chin.
I was going to say this in the beginning, dude.
When you get older,
you're going to be the guy who talks like this.
Like Quagmire.
When you get older, you're going to be like that.
I just want you to know it's not a diss.
But when you get older, you're going to be like this
and you're going to be like,
right, right, right, right.
But it looks like.
That's you, dude.
But it looks like one of those dragon masks
that you can just take off like this.
You know what I mean?
People are going to ask you where stuff is.
Strong ass chin.
People are going to ask you where that is and you're always going to say, you see that
thing right there?
It's past that.
You're never going to point to the actual thing.
He's got a toothpick.
You're never going to point.
Where's the thing?
You see that thing right there?
All right.
So, past that.
He's going to point with his chin.
How would I get from being this magical creature right here to that thing?
To the other magical creature?
You're talking about white face bubble gum?
Yeah.
No, dude.
Your shit's going to go.
Your face is like this.
Dude, in about 10 years, your face is going to start inching this way.
Bro, by the time you're 80, it's going to be like this.
You'll be out here.
You see that thing?
Hit that thing?
Hit there.
Take a left right there.
You know what?
It's weird.
You know what's weird?
You guys are like opposite.
You have zero chin and a lot of forehead.
Careful, careful, careful.
And he...
Well, I'm one-eighth Pont...
First of all, I'm one-eighth Pontiac,
so that's probably where I get my chin from.
A car, wow.
Huh?
Look at the way Theo's sitting in that...
Theo's sitting in that...
You're a one-eighth Pontiac?
His posture is insane.
His posture is insane.
Who sits with their hands like this, dude?
To the side.
I know who a straight hero.
And your shoes are laced to the mat.
One of God's favorites, dude.
That's who sits like that, baby, a young king.
God.
There's some monsters on that fucking show now.
People love to get hit up all the time.
Like, do you have access to this show?
I never even heard about this show.
What was the show?
It was like your competition show?
It was like a fake reality show where everybody was a contestant.
And then we did like each episode was like a ripoff of a real reality show that we shot.
Were you a comedian back then?
Yeah, I'd just been doing comedy for like three years.
Wow, wow.
What was it on?
It was on Comedy Central.
Who was your best friend on that?
You know why Theo's sitting like that?
Because that's the first time he's had a black man behind him.
So he's a little bit like, he's like,
I've never experienced this before.
Who did he get close with?
Is he looking at me?
I wish I was Eric so I could say it.
Who did you get close with on there, Theo? You can think it, though.
Who did I get close with on there?
Mo Mandel, Christopher Fairbanks, and Amy Schumer. We were i get closest on there mo mandel uh christopher fairbanks and amy schumer
we were all pretty close on there it's a good group man that's cool i had no idea kyle cease
is making bank now he's like doing oh he's was he in it he's like a motivational speaker now right
yeah he doesn't do comedy more he just does motivational speaking yeah actually he went
directly from that show right into motivational speaking, I remember.
Do you know he's making bank?
The tickets for these are really expensive.
Oh, wow.
There's like weekend retreats.
And big venues?
I don't know.
He turned into a cult leader?
Well, I'll say this.
He had blue eyes.
That's my dream job.
If you have blue eyes, you can be that.
You can sell anything.
If you don't have blue eyes, you can't do that job.
You're already doing that job.
I know, I know.
The blue eye can be cult leaders. Oh, 29. Yeah that. You can sell anything. If you don't have blue eyes, you can't do that job. You're already doing that job. I know, I know. The blue eye can be cult leaders.
Oh, 29.
Yeah, that's not so bad.
Maybe that was a weekend thing I saw.
He's a motivational speaker because he crushed so hard in comedy,
now he did this.
He was always doing that, though.
He was always like going to college, doing a bunch of college gigs
and talking to people like that.
He was so nice.
He was so nice.
That seems dope.
I haven't seen him in years. Yeah, I haven't seen him in a long time. He was so nice. Yeah. He was so nice. It seems dope. Good for him. I haven't seen him in years.
Yeah.
I haven't seen him in a long time.
The Absolutely Everything Pass.
And if you don't know who that is,
watch 10 Things I Hate About You.
He's in it?
Yeah.
Oh, well,
it's a good movie.
He's like,
what was he,
Boogie?
Oh, yeah.
He was great in that.
And he's also the slow clap guy.
And the reason why I know this,
because if I was hosting back then,
and you want to bring him on stage, he would have like you have to say these three things ah yeah got it credits
gang baby love you bro thank you for the question and i think that yeah i had no idea theo did that
well we're gonna say theo we never saw no no he said besides besides oh i said mo mandel all those
people were funny so it's like you know plus Plus Amy Schumer back then was a monster.
Some of them are not funny, but yeah.
Amy Schumer was a monster back then.
It's honest.
Who?
You want to name them?
You want to pick up some names?
You don't want to go that far.
I'm calling over to my Patreon to find out.
And what's the link?
Or ours.
Cats Plus.
Either one.
Cats Plus.
Kingsting in the wing.
What's up?
This is Ben coming to you from Indianapolis out here in the trailer park.
We're up early in the morning.
Is this Crowder?
Because when you're poor, it takes a little more time to make money.
Sounds like him, too.
That's all good.
So King it or Sting it.
My brother lives in my shed.
I'll give you a little back story here.
We'll go check it out.
My brother lives in my shed.
I'll give you a little back story here. We'll go check it out.
So my brother got himself into a little sticky situation where he was rehomed, is what we'll call it.
Is he gay?
I decided to take him in as a stray here.
A stray?
I had a little shed he could move into.
Show the brother. From the trailer park? Wow. Come on. Damn, show the brother.
From the trailer park?
Wow.
Come on.
Oh, it's a double door.
Oh, so he's a serial killer.
I bet that place is cozy.
So he's got a rich people.
What if it's so lit in there?
As you can see, we got a blanket right here.
Saints fan.
This is an N95 blanket.
And then inside, here's what we got.
Oh, my God.
So he's going to get robbed.
Yeah, we got the abode here.
Is he a DJ?
He's got it all going.
I mean, everybody in that trailer park is like, oh, y'all over here rich.
Yeah.
This is where he keeps his cash.
It must be freezing.
Yeah, I know.
He's got to have a space heater.
I imagine where he sleeps.
Oh, wow.
That purple lighting going, you know.
But, yeah, that's it.
So, King and her sting it.
Brother Liz out here in the shed.
Love everything you guys do, for real.
Really?
Killing it, man.
And gang, gang, buzz, buzz, soar. Well, look,? Killing it, man. And gang, gang,
buzz, buzz, sword.
Well, look, I'll say this, man. I like the
shed. I don't like where that stool
is kind of positioned. That's the part where I don't know
how you would use that area.
That's where he makes his bombs.
Is this the Unabomber?
Yeah, I've been trying to live in Theo's shed
for a long time now. The rest of
the area I think looks pretty
usable, but I don't,
it looks like there's different paint spillings and
stuff in there. That doesn't look that safe to
me. And is that a CO2,
is that, that yellow
can right there, I know that's a flammable
gas in that can right there. Yeah.
To the left right there. That is not safe.
You know what I love about how Theo's talking about this?
It's like if we're watching the Redneck Olympics,
and he's one of the commentators,
he's like, I'm not sure if they're going to be able to.
That's flammable right there.
He's going to be docked a few points.
You want to go ahead and get that out of there?
I don't know if you put the stool in that position.
I don't like that stool.
If you're living in a wood shed,
you do not want flammable objects in there, do you?
That is technically a car seat, not a bed.
So we're going to dock him a few points for that.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show poster directly across from the Godzilla is a no-go.
I'm trying to show you guys that I have some...
You've got to look out for the guy.
The guy's already living in a damn shed.
Oh, he's going to get docked by the Tennessee judge.
Give him a five.
So I'm not surprised.
Let's see what Alabama says.
I'm not flying Alabama.
You know, I'd like a green light strip.
Purple is a no-go for me, but that's personal style.
The purple one.
Oh, man.
Dude, I think you got times. I think you gotta...
Is that a wine?
Oh, he's making prison wine in there, for sure.
What is all this shit in there?
I think he...
Brandon, this is stuff.
I think...
By the way, hilarious when he said...
Is it a radio check?
When he said, king it or sting it, your brother...
What a way to try it, your brother left. Shit. That was hilarious.
Like, what a way to try to kick your brother out.
His brother's watching, he's like, what the fuck, dude?
Don't be a coward, dude.
He's a coward.
You're fucking, just kick this dude out, man.
Fucking coward ass.
Fucking hilarious, dude.
I think you gotta, look man, you gotta keep your brother close as you can.
Like, you can't, if, man, you gotta keep your brother
close as you can.
Like,
you can't,
if he doesn't go here,
where does he go?
Yeah,
good point.
What state is this in?
Oh,
fuck,
I love how Theo's saying this,
but would never do it.
there might not be heat
in that motherfucker.
So his brother's gonna freeze to death.
Heat is not the issue.
I think heat's the issue,
and that's why he's in the thing,
is he got too much heat on him.
Yeah.
They don't wanna fucking, but I think, I think that, the issue and that's why he's in the thing is he's got too much heat on him. They don't want to fucking... But I think
I think that
what I want to know is what are we kinging or
stinging? Are we kinging or stinging
him letting his brother sleep in the shed
or kinging or stinging his brother
in the shed? His brother in the shed.
King of the shed, would you allow your brother to sleep
in a shed if you had one?
I would allow it, but I would tell him to come inside
the house, but if he doesn't have the room, then he doesn't have the room.
Well, he lives in a trailer park.
Whose choice was it?
Did the brother go, I'm fine in the shed?
Right, true. We don't know the whole story.
I'll be cool in the shed. The brother definitely did that.
Look how you don't decorate a shed that much if you don't like it.
I've lived in a small place outside
of someone's house, very close to the house, probably
11 or 12 feet from the house.
So you were in a car?
No, it wasn't a car.
It was a very small room.
Just another room?
It wasn't a guest house.
Just another room.
It was a shed.
Was it an outhouse?
It wasn't a shed, but someone could say it was a shed.
And when was this?
This was probably, I think, when I was like 19 years old.
And here's the alarming parts of it.
One, you don't have have any you're at the will
of mother nature as far as to if it's warm or cold so you don't have any you can't like do
something how you if it's warm or cold and when it gets wet a lot rain comes in under the door
here's the other question what about chicks you don't know any chicks we knew that yeah i mean
you never know you might be a handsome devil who's's like, come back to my shed, girl.
Yeah, if you play the, hey, I'm just close to nature vibe, you could maybe get some change.
I don't believe in this whole government loading me money and shit.
It has to be about all that stuff.
Yeah, you guys are right.
Taking the higher ground by fucking having the wet ground.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I hear I'm one of Biden's buddies right here.
Living out here in Biden's aquarium, dog.
That's all it is.
So are we kinging this?
Are we stinging this?
I'm kinging it.
At least your brother's not homeless.
Yeah, king it.
Look, the guys that seem like a beautiful guy,
I think this is a great group that they have.
I need to know how old he is.
I wish his brother was there, so I'm stinging this.
Because he should have walked in and his brother was sitting on the stool
making shit.
I agree.
He's doing this behind his brother's back just to show, like, my brother ain't shit.
He's like this at the desk.
Yeah, yeah.
He just goes like this.
He's got a welder's mask on.
A welder's mask.
Leave me alone.
His brother's making Chris's merch in there.
He goes like this.
No, dude, let me do the joke.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Nobody in here lets you tell a joke.
It's impossible to speak in here anymore.
I'm sorry.
Do it again.
Okay.
No, it's okay.
It's okay.
Are you doing the joke again?
Nope, it's over.
Nick's fired.
So sorry.
Can I do my joke instead?
What's up, Theo, Brandon, Chris, that other guy?
God can't get her to stand for you.
Fixing your own cars.
This is a Theo fan for sure.
This is being the right pain in the ass here.
What do you see?
He's Australian, huh?
You turn this shoe around.
Look at the state of this.
Jesus Christ.
This is all just to at the steel of this. Jesus Christ. This is all fixed.
Oh, yeah.
Just to fix
the handbrake
for this.
The emergency brake?
Shifter.
Handbrake.
This is like an inspection thing
here.
Ireland.
Working on your own cars,
saving a bit of money.
Praise God, Bobby.
God bless Dublin.
I'll say this.
God bless Dublin.
He's not saving money. God bless.... I'll say this. God bless Dublin. He's not saving money.
And God bless...
He's not saving money.
Ireland.
Yep.
This guy, yeah, I love it, man.
Somebody stole my passenger seat when I was in high school out of my vehicle, so I've
been in this type of situation.
So weird.
And I think you got to just take care of yourself, Bubby.
I think look out for yourself and get the best stuff you can in there.
Stole your passenger seat.
Time is money, though.
That's probably taking a long time.
That's what I'm saying.
How long?
Yeah.
Depends what his life's like, yeah.
But I think that that's-
It's Ireland.
It's cool if you're-
Yeah, true.
So they got time.
So hold on.
Back up, though.
Then what happened?
He stole it.
Who stole the passenger seat?
Do you even know?
No, we don't know who sold it.
Who knows?
And actually, if somebody does know who stole it,
please email the show and let us know.
It's a cold case? Well, let's reopen the case. Let's reopen the case please email the show and let us know it's
a cold case well let's reopen the case let's reopen the case let's reopen the case here
guys the worst cold case find theo's passenger seat you know where it is in that shed of that
brother that's where it is i knew you were bro i had to beat you to it thanks for letting me have
it yeah he probably uses it as a uh one of those long bodies uh it. I'll say this. It was a 1984 Ford Escort 2.
It was gray on the outside.
You wouldn't know that
by looking at the seat butt.
I'll see what I can do
and get back to you.
Yeah, it was a good seat.
I had a Tahoe
and they stole
the third row of seating.
Yeah.
Really?
And who do you mean they?
Just say it.
What do you mean by they?
You know what I mean.
No, just say it though.
Criminal ass motherfuckers. Well, that say it, though. Criminal-ass motherfuckers, okay?
Well, that's not the they I was looking for.
And then apparently that's like a huge thing, like that third row of seating in some of the UDs.
Yeah, the bench seating is like a big thing for people to steal.
Oh, yeah.
Well, a lot of people have church vans and stuff like that, people that believe in God have them.
Not you.
And those vans, the seating in there gets worn out fast
because people go over them with their feet and everything.
A lot of kids are back there.
People are stealing catalytic converters now in LA.
It's a big, big.
Smoking out of them.
A lot of kids probably use them as big bongs.
Bring up catalytic converter, Chin.
Okay.
Seems boring.
So do you, what do you, what did you, have you ever gotten your car hit
or broken into and stuff like that?
What?
Besides the seat thing.
Look up carburetors real quick.
I mean, it's on this screen.
That's my computer, but.
That's what it looks like.
Yeah, I never knew what it looked like.
Does this say anybody smokes out of them?
I don't think so.
They steal them for money.
Bro, people definitely get gassed up out these bitches.
Dude, I had my car window broken.
I had my fucking Mercedes shit taken.
Like recently.
Just say.
Just say what you're thinking.
Who do you think did it, Chris?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Actually, I know who did it.
Who?
Well, I know the race.
Why?
Because I saw a video of it.
What are they?
They were Mexican.
Oh, how's that feel? Huh? I mean. It was one of the options. Yeah, one video of it. What are they? They were Mexican. Oh, how's that feel?
Huh?
I mean.
It was one of the options.
Yeah, one out of two.
Yeah.
It's definitely.
This is multiple choice.
I saw the video.
It was definitely me.
It's funny because Theo got a list in his head.
And he said, he just goes, I said Mexican.
He goes, oh, no, no, not them.
No, I was kidding.
Well, it depends on what car part.
And then it's easy to attach.
Very good point, very good point.
Yeah.
All right.
Hilarious.
Does everyone look like this today?
Yeah, it's unreal.
Do you do this on purpose?
All the episodes.
Now Nick's doing it on purpose.
These are great guys, and these are great guys.
Looks like Paul Craig.
Oh, what's up, King, the sting in the wing?
My name is Bellman from central new york my gang i had a king it or stink it for you guys today oh yeah um adult oversized plush hoodies
i'm not sure what they're really called great one or you know like a specific brand but they're just
huge plush soft hoodies that go down to your knees or shins
um i'm currently wearing my girlfriends because i don't give a and it's super comfortable
nice yeah king it or sting it it's really it's an unemployment shirt oh wow you got no undies
underneath now that's now you think i'm white. Well, really like, by the
way, best part about that is, noises he's making
with his mouth. Go back. That is unreal, dude.
That guy.
Oh boy. Now I will say
this, if you got them beautiful legs like that,
man. You know what I like about this? You just
pull up the back like this and it's like,
asshole.
You ready to go like this. This dude is a real, in in prison this boy's a damn just a damn christmas oyster right there
people would be up in that booty oyster oh my god my girl would love one of these i would be
get her one then dude you're rich yeah actually 40 bucks here kristen has one i just saw it you
guys act like i've been i don't want to get it. I just saw it. Bro, I know you've been mulling over this for a few months now.
Mulling over?
Spring 40 bucks, get it for your girl.
Who's the punching bag when I'm not here?
I need to know.
Oh, we all do it.
Here's the thing.
Y'all will almost look this.
If you get the one on the left, y'all will almost look the same, I feel like.
My girl has one.
I got her one.
Yep, for Christmas.
I've never heard of them.
One of these Christmases. You've never heard of them. One of these Christmases.
Yeah, you've never heard of them?
What?
What the fuck?
You have one?
I've seen people in them.
Just because he's heard of them doesn't mean he's had one.
And your girl has one?
We have one, yeah.
And you've heard of them, Eric?
It's Navy.
No, it's the first time I've heard of them.
Really?
Yeah.
I've never heard of them.
Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah.
So do guys wear them?
They've been around.
Without no undies?
I mean, mostly chicks are like, I want to wear a,, I wanna have a latte and a, you know, sit.
Ooh, it's fall.
This is like a Snuggie.
In some areas out there, you get shot.
I mean, you go hiking in this bitch, you gonna get shot.
You go hiking in that.
Who's hiking in this?
Why?
Why people?
Where are you hiking?
Hold on, hold on.
What are you talking about?
This is insane.
It's like you're hiking.
The insanity that goes out of insanity your mouth when you're
in outdoors you creeps you've never been out i'm with you when you're at war in one of these things
like dude it just doesn't happen are you hiking in the north pole i'm gonna deal on this because
isn't it really warm so once you just you know we're gonna be with me on it dude that's not gonna help you outside could you win outside finally see he's with you
the second he's with me it just falls see you know couldn't you wear that and stay warm outside
apparently this guy don't have any panties on eeyore this one of those eeyore thoughts too
right here on the left if you out of your eeyore thoughts and this man needs to get out of this
and get a damn job let's be honest bro all right if you got time to mill around he's doing the
gritty at the house in this bitch, dude.
It might be a Sunday, though.
You got to tighten up.
What's that made of?
Is this a fur coat?
I mean, is this like-
It's just very, very-
Is this a ghetto fur coat?
No, it's like synthetic or whatever.
It's very, very like-
Soft.
Soft.
Gang.
That's it.
Eric, what do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?
What do you get into that?
Woo, woo, woo.
Then I would go like this.
Cool.
Nice.
Oh, wow.
Like a pendulum.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
I like that a little bit.
I like that you would do that.
The ass king, Doug.
Nobody in here-
The butthole is right next to the butt.
I mean, I have-
Yeah, and your nose is probably right in there.
Yeah, you just-
It's right there. And the nose is right next to the mouth.
Yeah, it's right there.
I've had a little, but I'm not.
I don't want pink eye, man.
Oh, you, oh.
You don't want pink eye, dude?
No, I don't.
You seem like a dude that would get pink eye.
Don't act like you haven't.
I have.
Yeah, there you go.
There it is.
There, there you have it.
I have it.
There, okay, fine, I've had it.
You guys have done it, What else you got Nick?
There's some scratch off tickets
In some of those eggs
This is a fucking gambling addict over here
That's what we did at my Easter
This is why he has a problem now
Tell me when I forgot
To actually get mine
You so look like
Someone who would gamble too
I got jelly beans
Oh wow Calvin loves jelly beans
Because I got him an Easter bunny
that you put it in the body
and when you wind it up, he shits out
the jelly beans and it's so funny.
He just poops them out.
If you feel it and it doesn't shake.
Oh. Nope.
They're all in the basket. Oh, fucker.
That's not specific about it.
You know what I mean? Can we still fire him?
Uh, no. Woo, woo, woo. Nope. That's not specific about it. You know what I mean? Can we still fire him? No.
Woo, woo, woo.
No, these are all.
I love these, dude.
Here we are.
I found it.
Fuck.
Oh, these are.
Yeah, man, you fooled us.
My mom used to get us these at night.
Wow, look how crazy Nick looks right now.
Whatever.
No, the problem is this motherfucker kept all the scratches.
Nick's got all the scratches
in his wallet. Nick's like, I could have scratched
them all off, honestly.
I woke up this morning.
Oh, there's one. Oh, they're in with the jelly beans.
There's just gray stuff under my fingernails.
Nick got drunk
and just scratched them all off.
Sorry, I don't know if Nick drinks or not.
But he does.
It's not on Tuesdays.
Yeah, not on Tuesdays.
Look at how dumb Brendan looks when he does it.
Dude, trick or treat.
Dumb for scratching it off?
No, no, no.
You're not dumb for doing it.
It's just the bigness of you and the littleness of that ticket.
He called him dumb, man.
Yeah, he did, man.
Well, so what, dude?
I think you're doing good.
There's a couple numbers.
Yeah, but you look dumb, bro.
Like that. He's learning. Is it matching? It's not about how he I'm not saying he is you know what you motherfuckers
I'm done with this episode
Bye, Chris. Maybe cry and then you smash me all fucking episode
I don't say any we just want to make sure you don't get that like pearly gates and like you know
Imagine if you had the pearly gates and Theo walks by you like
Love to see you man
We all die like a Kobe helicopter, you know, I mean and then who's gonna go where yeah, man, it's pretty packed in there
Talk to the guy man, so the pack right now, Doug. I stand in that shit. You know what?
It's fucking fine.
It's all the way down.
Hell.
Grab a shovel and just work that shit, bro.
And guess what you dig up?
Oh, no way.
Here we go.
A little Jesus.
That's someone buried in the yard.
Wow.
Dark.
That's dark.
And I just got to hear.
I said, what is that noise in the background?
Woo, woo, woo, woo.
And Eric's down there, too.
Are you kidding me?
Eric's down there? I'm getting in before Theo. In heaven. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That background? Eric's down there too. Are you kidding me? Eric's down there?
I'm getting in before Theo.
In heaven.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
That's why it's so far away.
Oh yeah.
You know what?
You could be my plus one.
Thank you, dude.
What?
I'm taking him as my plus one.
I like how he just ditched his wife.
You don't get that.
No, she's going.
She's going anyway.
Yeah, I'm dying before her.
That's fucking a hope.
If there is a God.
Yeah.
Well, it depends on how you look at it.
Well.
All right.
That's it, kids.
All right.
Moon Towers, April 22nd through the 23rd.
Arizona, I'm coming in two weeks then.
April 30th, chrislea.com.
And I'm setting these.
I don't know if they'll be on sale or not yet, but I'm going to come to Atlanta, Georgia,
Washington, D.C.
I'm going to do Peoria. These are just some of them.
Savannah, Georgia, Denver.
There's more, so go to
ChrisADoc.com and check it out.
I'm at the Houston Improv April
14th through the 16th, so check me
out there and check out Riffin with Griffin.
Oh, yeah. I love that. My special drops
April 28th on Thick Boy.
Holla.
I'm planning on Belko. Nice. I love that. My special drops April 28th on Thick Boy. Holla. Where are you planning to go?
I'm planning on Belco.
Nice.
I got Montgomery, Alabama, and Columbus.
Oh, damn.
Hold on.
I got Albuquerque, New Mexico, Midland, Texas, Lubbock, Texas, Dallas, Texas.
And that's May 18th through the 21st.
And then we got Savannah, Georgia, Augusta, Georgia,
and Montgomery, Alabama, and Columbus, Georgia.
And that's going to be June 2nd through June 5th.
We're going to get it done down there.
So, amen.
TheoVon.com slash T-O-U-R.
Gang, gang. Now y'all out in crisp? How's that gonna fit? Wait, I get the gist. I just probably have to slow it down and hit it like this.
It's the king, the wing, and the sting.
It's the wing, and the king, and the sting.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on, wait a minute, let me think.
It's the king, and the sting, and the wing.
Let's go.
King, and the sting, and the wing.
Brought it full circle and put on the whole team.
Legendary trio, Brittany, Chris, and Theo.
What you mean?
You know it's the king, and the Chris, and Theo What you mean? You know it's the king and the sting and the wing